#train thinking about my favorite imaginary men thinking “i want to be like them” lol 😭😭

[0039pf-third-blog-hooray]

slowly but surely… 😔🥀🥀 another wip of my wintersberg piece

[sailorspazz]

Remote 10 Dance Ball

I know this is coming way late (as in, 3 months after it occurred!), but I’d always been planning to write up a report about the Real 10 Dance event that took place shortly after vol. 6’s release in Japan. Before I get into the explanation of what exactly this is under the cut, enjoy this promo image that ticket holders were able to print out at Japanese convenience stores (mine had to be printed by friends who live there and then scanned to me)

The Real 10 Dance is a series of events that have taken place over the past few years featuring real life pros performing routines inspired by the manga, meaning that most of the dances feature male-male couples (though they all have female partners in their regular careers, for these performances they dance together, and the women are given a group number to perform). The most recent live event took place in September 2019 shortly after vol. 5’s release, and there was another planned for 2020 in Osaka, but it was delayed and eventually completely canceled due to Covid restrictions. Wanting to still put on the event in some form, they later announced that it would take place virtually, and would be branded as the Remote 10 Dance Ball. For the cost of 1,000 yen, viewers could watch a stream of the event as many times as they pleased from the time it went live on March 20 until the viewing deadline 72 hours later. Unlike the in person events, there were no merchandise buying opportunities, but there was the option of paying additional 1,000 yen tips to either the performers, the production committee, or Inouesatoh herself. Choosing any of these options would give that ticket holder access to a code to print the postcard shown above, as well as a link to view a 17 minute making-of video of the event.

Before I get into the rundown, The Real 10 Dance Twitter account posted a preview video a couple weeks before the event, which you can watch if you’d like to see some of the action instead of just still images (and the only ones I’ll share here are those that were posted publicly, since they were pretty adamant about no screenshotting/recording of the event…not gonna lie, I did attempt to screenshot a couple parts, but due to the shaky streaming quality, the official photos are much better than what I was able to capture anyway :P) Also, I only made bare minimum notes while I was watching this (and was drinking hard cider), so I’ll give as much detail as I can remember, but there are definitely things I’ll have forgotten by now.

The show started off with one of the female pros giving a demonstration of how to apply makeup for competitions. After this came an introductory show with all of the participants dancing to the opening theme from La La Land.

Next up was some of the pros talking about the characteristics of their costumes, such as the Latin outfits having features like illusion netting to make their limbs look longer, and fringe to create movement.

After this, some of the pros gave tours of the dance schools that they run, which also served as advertisements for those who may be interested in signing up for lessons.

Then came some step demonstrations, showing specific panels from the manga and then describing how to perform the moves. This included Al and Suzuki’s rumba walk from chapter 18, and the throwaway oversway from the chapter 4 scene where Sugiki turns Suzuki into a princess. For the oversway, they performed the move a few different times, using prompts such as “do it like the world’s about to end” to show how the same move can feel very different depending on the emotion behind it.

This was followed by an interview with former standard world champion Christopher Hawkins. The interview was conducted in Japanese, as he is fluent in the language (Inouesatoh tweeted about him being the inspiration to have Norman speak some Japanese in the story, though she acknowledged that Chris’ abilities are far above Norman’s very basic phrases). It included two interviewers asking questions that were submitted by Inouesatoh and her editor. It started off with some basic talk about the process of training and getting prepared for competitions, then moved on to topics like whether he had any competition related superstitions/habits, such as how some dancers will have a pair of lucky underwear they always wear when competing. He said he had a specific order to how he would button his shirt and attach his cufflinks (as in, not just going straight up or down, but skipping over some and coming back to them), and if he didn’t do this specific routine it made him feel like the competition would go poorly. After telling this story, he laughed and said that he’s never told anyone about this before, so it was definitely an interesting question. Then came probably the most important question for fans of 10 Dance: since the series centers around men dancing together, what sort of experience does Chris have dancing with other men? (Funnily enough, for some reason, the male interviewer first asked this question in Japanese, then rather enthusiastically asked the question in English as well lol). Chris said that of course he’s danced with male students a lot in the course of teaching them, but outside of that also had times where he would train in the female role so he knew how it felt to be the following partner, and therefore could become a better lead. He mentioned some performance he did with another high level male dancer that was pretty amazing (forgive me, I didn’t catch the name at all, or even whether he was a standard or Latin specialist), which caused the female interviewer to joke about writing a love story about the two of them.

Then came the main draw of the event, the dance show! I’ll include the song, dance style, and an image from each performance below.

One Way or Another by Blondie, jive

Lady Marmalade (I believe it was the Moulin Rouge movie version), ladies group cha-cha

Half of Me by Ken Hirai, rumba (I don’t know if it’s just because it made me think of the melancholy rumba shown on vol. 6’s cover, but this made me both want to cry and watch it multiple times over, definitely my favorite because apparently I like to punish myself with sadness :P)

All of Me by Michael Bublé, foxtrot (this was filmed both in the performance space and out on the streets in one of the locations used in chapter 33, as shown in this video from one chilly looking morning. Also, this dance featured a leader switch partway through!)

If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes, cha-cha

Finale with all participants to It’s Time to Dance from “The Prom” musical

Last up was a virtual art exhibition featuring 17 sketches by Inouesatoh, including the most powerful sexual stimulant in the known universe, Bathrobe Sugiki.

Overall, I was very happy to get the chance to witness this event. Normally, the number of people would be limited to just those who were in Japan and able to purchase tickets before they sold out, but this remote version allowed a much larger number of people from all over the world to watch (I bought my ticket not even knowing if it would be region locked or not, but thankfully it wasn’t). I hope that the world situation improves and they can put on the event live and in-person again (even better if I could somehow find a way to attend when that happens!), but I think this was a great alternative, and probably a good way to make some revenue in a time when the ability to stage events is limited. The price of 1,000 yen was an incredibly good deal for all the content that was presented (and you better believe I slammed an extra 1,000 straight to Inouesatoh; the only merch I’ve been able to buy is secondhand, and while this satisfies my needs as a collector, it unfortunately doesn’t provide any support to the author). If real life performances are still a long way off and they decide to do a virtual one again, you bet your ass I’ll be right there in the (imaginary) front row!

[conaionaru]

Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

Ragnar Lothbrok

Synopsis: 3 months later, Ragnar Lothbrok returns to Kattegat on a quest.

Warnings:  angst, fluff, unrequited love, badass Vanya, slight violence, cannon divergence (No Margrethe x Ivar), low self-esteem

Tags:

@youbloodymadgenius @didiintheblog @lol-haha-joke @shannygoatgruff @xbellaxcarolinax @heavenly1927​ @astridbaby​ @queenbeeta​ @thereareendlessopportunities​ @chynagirl13​

I don’t own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. If you want to be tagged please write me<3

The weather was pleasant for once, and Vanya enjoyed every moment of it. Bathing in the lake or gathering flowers and herbs for both Helga and Aslaug was her favorite pastime. Ivar's overprotectiveness dulled slightly, but he still treated her like she might disappear if he didn't see her at least ten times a day. 

The rest of the time, Hoenir shadowed her instead. The silent wanderer was as quiet as a mouse, which annoyed both Vanya and Brynja, who loved to chatter and felt awkward with his grunts as answers. He was quite witty whenever he spoke, which delighted Vanya. For some reason, Ivar trusted the man and didn't get jealous of him at all.

Right now, Vanya, Brynja, and Hoenir walked the meadow gathering herbs for Aslaug, who wanted to pray to the gods as she had a vision and needed answers. Vanya volunteered to find the required flowers in her steed, as Aros slept better out on the fresh air.

The said three months old laid peacefully in a sling wrapped around Vanya. Aros liked the sun and flowers and giggled whenever he had heard loud sounds. The fact that he was Ivar's son was also obvious as ever since he could roll over, he reached his hands out to crawl, and got frustrated when he couldn't do it. 

The child made both parents very happy, and Aslaug was more than delighted to have a grandson. Which wasn't good for the other Ragnarssons as she kept pestering them for children of their own. "I am telling you, Vanya! She is mending his clothes for him!"

Vanya snickered at Brynja's complaining, Hoenir looked at the other ginger confused. "Aren't you happy you don't have to do it?"

"Well... yes." Brynja frowned and threw her arms up in defeat. "But now he won't stop saying how good of a wife she would make. Father is too old to get married again."

Vanya and Hoenir shared a look and carried on in their walk, silently laughing at the servant, whose father kept courting the neighbor. "Maybe she thinks he doesn't have enough clothes to not walk around shirtless." The Princess offered to which Brynja shook her head and pointed an accusatory finger at them both. 

"You are enjoying this, aren't you? What if she wants me to call her Mother?"

"Ignore her," Hoenir answered, simply earning a deadpan expression from Brynja. She rolled her eyes and turned back around so she wouldn't trip and fall. Her orange dress twirled with her movement, her curls bouncing on her shoulders. 

Vanya chuckled at the display and walked behind her savoring the feel of a gentle breeze on her face, her hair swaying in the wind. "I am surprised Ivar left so easily," Brynja called out, thinking of the Ragnarsson hunting trip. Truth is Bjorn threatened to drag Ivar out of bed while he slept if he refused to go, but it's not like Hoenir and Brynja needed to know that.

"He needed to spend some time with his brothers, anyway. I think they only left to escape the Queen."

"Let's not forget the joy of killing something," Hoenir added, making both gingers look at him confused. He shrugged unapologetically and continued on his way with the two females behind him. 

Brynja watched the broad back of the heathen and leaned closer to Vanya's ear. "Does he sometimes talk of me?"

Vanya raised an eyebrow at the unexpected question and shook her head. "To be fair, he is silent most of the time. Why are you asking?"

"I am just curious. It would be nie if he liked me back. But the Gods sent him here to protect you, not to flirt with me." The twenty-year-old hid her smile behind her bouquet of herbs, but the sparkle in her eye was obvious. She fancied the young Seer. "On the other hand, maybe it is his destiny to put a child in me as well."

Vanya giggled at her adorable friend and looked down at her with mischief in her steel-blue eyes. "You should ask the Seer."

Brynja glared at the joking Princess and hit her on the arm. "Very funny, Vanya. I will ask the ancient one for marriage advice."

"Are you planning a marriage already? My, my, Brynja, aren't you fast?" 

"Oh, Shush!"

Hoenir stopped in his track and looked down at the blushing redhead who gripped Vanya's hand in support. Both held their breath, waiting for what he had to say only for him to shake his head and point to the way back, silently telling them to return. "I think he heard," Vanya whispered embarrassedly while Brynja, her red face behind her wild hair.”You know it would be easier if you just spoke to him instead of daydreaming.”

“He doesn’t like me back, Vanya.” Brynja protested sadly watching the man walk before them, his tall frame casting a shadow on them, shielding them from the harsh sun rays. “He looks at Sigurd with more passion than at me.”

Vanya sighed and rubbed her friend’s shoulder sadly. The wanderer talked more whenever Sigurd was near, mostly about music. For someone so silent, he enjoyed music, which delighted the Ragnarsson. So they talked together a lot even when neither was with Vanya.

The trio walked the path to Kattegat pleasantly, talking about what they thought Bjorn would find in the Mediterranean or if it even existed, which Brynja didn't believe. "I am telling you, the map is a lie. There can be no such place."

"When we were children, England and Paris were imaginary lands to us too." Hoenir pointed out, making the servant pout and Vanya chuckle. They froze as a large crowd gathered before them around somebody or something.

Vanya stretched her neck, trying to see what all the commotion is about, but to no avail. "What's happening?"

"I don't know but stay behind me," Hoenir ordered his hand on his sword, ready to kill any possible threat. He stopped by one of the bystanders and tapped them on the shoulder. The merchant looked up at the wanderer with a frown, looking ready to complain, but held his tongue when he saw the emotionless Seer before him. "What is going on?"

"He came back. Ragnar is back." The moment the words left, the man's lips Vanya looked at Brynja, who seemed as equally shocked as her. They hurried forward, shouldering past men and women to get a clearer view of what was happening.

"It appears my return is not welcome." The man in the middle of the angry and curious crowd was nothing like Vanya imagined him. Ivar always described him as a tall man with his head held high who screamed power. But the man she sees is dressed in rags and on edge. No wonder when he returned after such a long time, and everybody seems to hate him. "You have obviously all made your mind up about me."

Ragnar walked in front of a row of men, which Vanya just now realized are his and Aslaug's sons. He stopped in front of Sigurd and looked them over. "Who is gonna do it, then? Who is gonna kill me?" The blood in Vanya's veins froze at the nonchalant way Ragnar asked the question. As if he didn't care if he lived anymore like he wanted them to do it.

The Ragnarssons looked at him with hard faces, only Hvitserk seeming put off by the question. "Well, I don' mind." Ragnar continued looking his sons over for a willing killer. "Go ahead. Please." He moved in front of them again, carefree as if he wasn't talking about death at all.

"What about you, Hvitserk?" He stopped on the other end of the row this time, looking his third son in the eyes, Hvitserk's face steeled for the confrontation. "You think you are a man now? Huh? I dare you. Put me out of my misery." Ragnar talked to him softly, but every word that Vanya or Brynja didn't hear, Hoenir provided thanks to his sharp ear. Everyone watched the King of Kattegat talk to Hvitserk, waiting for somebody to act.

Ragnar smiled at his son's lack of response. "Do it. Do it. Do it, do it." He kept repeating, hitting the flaxen-haired boy in the chest after every taunt. "DO IT!" The scream startled both Hvitserk and the people behind him. Vanya flinched at the sudden cry, Aros stirring against her chest and letting out a whine. Vanya tried to calm him before he started crying and disturbed the scene.

"Look at these people!" Ragnar shouted, extending his hand towards the crowd, his blue eyes still trained on his son. "They no longer support me! Look! Why would they? I am your leader, and I just left! What kind of leader does that, huh?"

The bald man moved into the middle of the crow with his arms spread wide and an uneasy smile on his lips. "WHAT KIND OF KING ABANDONS HIS PEOPLE?" He shouted it for all to hear and turned back to his boys, walking towards them, his jaw clenched. He looked at his oldest son with his second wife. "What kind of father abandons his sons?" Ragnar panted softly, waiting for somebody to tell something, but no one dared to open their mouths.

"So who wants to be king?" But again, no answer came, so he turned to the people, drawing his sword. "Oh, you know how this works! If you want to be King, you must kill me." He threw the sheath on the ground and offered the handle of his weapon to the people.

"Take it." But the gray-haired man refused to move, so Ragnar tried again with other people. "No? You? No? What about you? No? No? Anyone?"

He stabbed the blade on the ground, the sharp edge burying into the dirt, waiting for somebody to draw it and swing it. "WHO WANTS TO BE KING?"

Ragnar walked back to his son, his jaw tense and eyes screaming anger. He went face to face with his oud playing offspring. "What about you, Sigurd? Do you want to be King?" The boy didn't answer, so moving on, Ragnar tried with Ubbe next. "Do you want to be King, Ubbe? Kill me, and you are King. King Ubbe!"

He turned to the people, one hand on Ubbe's shoulder, the other pointing back at him. Ragnar turned towards the son who looked so much like him; a smile spread over his face. He then slapped his cheek, Ubbe head flying back from the contact. Vanya cursed loudly, shocked by the display, glaring at the boy's figures from her spot on the left, her jaw tense and eyes cold as ice.

"What are you waiting for?" Ubbe didn't answer, so Ragnar struck him again, gasps echoing from the people. "Are you afraid? Be a man!" The father went face to face with him, trying to egg him on. But when he got no reaction, he tsked and moved on again.

He chuckled and patted Ivar's head, drawing it back and flexing his fingers like he touched dirt. Vanya's husband watched the man he admired walk off, not even attempting to ask him. Ragnar walked off, seemingly done with the interaction, till Ubbe walked forward, sword in hand looking determined.

Brynja and Vanya held their breaths, waiting for the fight to start, but nothing happened. Murmurs spread over the crowd as Ragnar spread his arms wide, mentioning for Ubbe to make the strike. The brothers looked at each other, unsure what their oldest had in mind. The King slowly walked closer to him, fingers stopping at the handle of his own sword in the ground. But he made another step, leaving it there. He raised his hand up as Ubbe leaned his head back, waiting for another slap that never came.

Instead, Ragnar cupped his cheek and drew him closer, hugging the tall Ragnarsson. When the moment caught up with Ubbe, he dropped the blade and embraced him back, fisting the back of his tunic and buried his head in the crook of his father's neck. Everyone watched the interaction in shock, Brynja cursing under her breath, wanting to see the two fight. So Vanya hit her shoulder, silently scolding the ginger while Hoenir snickered.

They turned their gazes back to the King and the Princes, when Bjorn made his way through the other side of the crowd, looking pissed. He moved in front of the remaining brother, his arms crossed, looking his father up and down. Ubbe stepped back, looking down as Bjorn glared at Ragnar. "Why did you come back?"

Ragnar looked at him, both tense. Meanwhile, Ivar crawled away offended by his father's behavior. The King told his sons he wanted to talk to them in private, Vanya clenched her jaw and pushed her way through the masses, her head held high and murder in her eyes.

She made her way into the middle of the crowd, Brynja, and Hoenir running behind her, shocked by her sudden leave. The sons of Aslaug looked at her confused, Hvitserk trying to pull her back, but she sidestepped him, stalking towards Ragnar with a clenched jaw, patting Aros's back who chewed on her hair. "Ragnar Lothbrok!" She spat out as if the word burned.

Bjorn and Ragnar looked at her as well, the older male's lips lifting up, watching the stranger. The smaller female stopped in front of him, with a babe in her arms. Sigurd and Hvtiserk moved up behind her, the older of the two smiling down at the child that babbled at him happily waving it's little arms around, obvious to his mother's anger.

"And you are?" Ragnar asked, amused, his brows lifting with his head to the side. Vanya ignored the change of atmosphere and hardened her stare.

"Your daughter in law and mother of your grandchild." She spat back, surprising Ragnar, who looked at his sons for confirmation, only to see Hvitserk high five the child over Vanya's shoulder.

He smirked and looked at the boys to see who would claim the girl as theirs. "And who is the lucky one? Hvitserk? Ubbe? Sigurd?"

Vanya scoffed, turning the man's gaze back down to her. "Ivar's." She explained her tongue visibly, trailing from one canine tooth to the other. Ragnar straightened his back, looking over his family, searching for his youngest only to see an empty spot.

"Congratulation, then." He grimaced at her, not understanding why she went up to him in the first place. Brynja tugged at her sleeve, trying to make her retreat, but the Princess stayed put a glare on her face.

"Vanya," Brynja begged desperately, Hoenir pulled her back, his hand on his sword, ready to intervene if things escalated.

"What kind of pathetic man are you?" Vanya asked, shocking everyone. Ubbe's widened, he reached for her only for Bjorn to shake his head at him, the ginger walking closer to the older Viking. "He is the only one who admires you, worships you and defends you against everyone. And yet you ignore him as if he isn't worth even a mention."

Ragnar chuckles at her spat out words, shrugging, his brows up, agitating the ginger even more. Vanya scoffed and looked him up and down with disgust. "I truly don't see what all the fuss is about. You aren't anything special. Just another desperate man with no ounce of nobility left in his body." She hissed hatefully, shocking the Ragnarssons at her harsh words. Her stance and glare reminded them so much of Ivar it was uncanny.

"Not worth a mention or reaction from anybody. You should have stayed where you were." Ragnar looked at her, smirking in a peculiar way as if amused by her hateful comments. When he didn't defend himself, Vanya's hand shot out and slapped Ragnar on the same side he hit Ubbe on. The crack of the contact made everyone gasp and stare at her wide-eyed. She spat upon his feet and snarled at him. "Goodbye, My King."

She turned her back to him and walked towards Hvitserk, her eyes still steel-blue instead of the usual warm sky blue. "Which way did he go?" She requested, raising an eyebrow at him. The Ragnarsson jerked him head backward, signaling that the youngest son went that way. The Saxon nodded in thanks and moved to go after him.

Sigurd reached out to her only for Vanya to jerk her hand away, nearly accidentally hitting him in the face. She walked off, the crowd parting for her as the red sea. Hoenir looked at the King, seizing him up before he followed after her. Aros blew a raspberry towards his uncles, not caring for his mother's sour mood.

Vanya abandoned Hoenir somewhere behind when Ivar was in sight. She walked up the hillside to him and carefully sat down, fixing her blue dress so she wouldn't trip on it. The ginger got comfortable on the grass and looked at her tense husband, his eyes refusing to look at her directly, only seeing her from the corner of his eye.

She took out Aros from the sling and laid him on her lap, the boy instantly turning over and reaching for his father. Ivar reached towards the boy with his left hand and offered the boy one of his fingers, which he wrapped his small hand around, tugging at it cheerfully. Ivar moved the finger up and down, pretending to shake off his son's grip, which Aros found amusing and giggled uncontrollably, wiggling in his mother's lap.

Vanya waited for Ivar to tell her what plagued him at his own pace, patiently sitting there and letting the breeze mess up her hair. After some more silence, Ivar sighed. "He didn't even ask me, just petted me like a dog. As if I wasn't his son too."

Vanya sighed and looked at Ivar sadly, seeing the sad eyes hidden behind the angry mask. "I am the only one who didn't talk of killing him. Everyone hates him, and I was the only one who defended him. They all wanted to kill him if he returned, and then they didn't do anything. Ubbe hugged him!"

Vanya solemnly nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder, trying to silently comfort him while he vented. She licked her lips nervously and closed her eyes, steeling herself for a confession. "I slapped him."

Ivar jumped at that and looked at her confused, shrugging his shoulder so she would lift her head and look at him. Vanya gazed into his eyes sheepishly and nervously smiled at him. "I insulted him, slapped him, and spat in front of him before going after you." Ivar stared at her with his mouth open and eyes wide. "I don't regret it, though. I was defending my husband's honor."

Ivar chuckled and laid his forehead against hers, his eyes closed, silently thanking his wife. "My brave wife. What would I do without you, huh?" He joked, making her smile and chuckle, drawing her head back and kissing his forehead.

Ivar gazed up at her as she smiled brightly, the contagious expression making him smile back.

During dinner, Ivar sat there, brooding, waiting for anyone to talk. He threw his spoon away and glared at his brothers. "So... Father wants to go to England. Why do you not want to go with him?" The other brothers sighed, annoyed with the topic while Aslaug and Vanya watched on, interested in the answer. "Ubbe?" 

"You know why. Now shut up." The oldest son of Aslaug ordered observing a piece of food instead of looking his brother in the eyes.

"Is it the same for you, Sigurd?" Everyone looked at the said male, intrigued by the possibilities of the answer. "Or are you afraid of being seasick?" Ivar mocked, resting his head on his fist.

"I am not afraid of anything, brother."

"Not even me?" The smile from Sigurd's lips fell as he played with the knife. Hviterk looked at Ivar amused while Margrethe moved to pour him a cup.

"So... Lillemor ( Little mother) what was that out there?" Ubbe questioned, looking at Vanya with a raised eyebrow making the said female sigh and roll her eyes at him, tired with the questions.

"I told you. It was a backbone, something none of you had at that moment." She snapped, taking her cup to her lips and sipping the mead.

"We acted appropriately. Other than you who attacked a man, you don't know." Sigurd jumped in as Margrethe moved away from Ivar, shaking in fear from the Viking's angry eyes as Sigurd's words.

Vanya chuckled and leaned over the table towards him. "You think I don't know who Ragnar Lothbrok is? What he truly is? As if my people didn't live in fear of him, treating him like the devil and praying for his death. As if my father didn't take precautions for when he would return. But he didn't, and instead, I married one of his sons and carried on the Lothbrok bloodline. I may not know him personally, but I know what he is capable of. But I don't fear him!"

Sigurd scoffed as Vanya slammed her cup down, startling the Ragnarssons, Margrethe, and Aros, who sat in Aslaug's lap. "You make him sound as if he was some god. He is no god, just another human with power and wit. Yet you shake in your boots when he stands before you like he will strike you dead with lightning if you look at him the wrong way."

"We were cautious, instead of you who behaved like a child."

Ivar slammed his cup down on the table, angered by Sigurd's words. The ale sloshed from the cup, startling Margrethe, who nearly dropped her jug. He glared at her, hitting her on her thigh to scold her for her carelessness.

"It is wrong to treat her that way." Ubbe warned Ivar while Margrethe moved away to escape him.

"Why are you so polite? She is just a slave. You all just want to have her. You too, Ubbe." Ivar mocked, wiggling his finger at his older brother. Vanya glared at Ivar, her hand clenching around his right wrist.

"Ivar."

"Mother." The boy rolled his eyes at her warning. Aslaug tried to hold back a smile at his antics; Aros rested against her chest, sucking on his thumb. Ivar smirked at his little victory, satisfied with the outcome while Vanya frowned next to him.

The next day, Vanya sat with Aslaug in the room behind the curtain of the Great Hall, mashing herbs in a bowl, careful to do it slowly as the Queen advised. "Keep the speed up and then add the garlic. What does that stand for?"

Vanya ground the herbs in a Mortar with Pestle blowing hair out of her face, trying to remember what Aslaug taught her. "It stands for protection, strength, and healing."

Aslaug nodded proudly, watching her daughter in law work like a Völva. The Queen has been teaching Vanya somethings she knew that could be useful for the babe, Ivar, or herself. She also taught her about visions for when Aros started having them. The last part confused Vanya as Aslaug could teach her grandson herself, but Aslaug insisted on doing it this way.

Aros laid on a fur next to the table, slobbering all over the figure of Fenrir that his father made. The boy loved sucking on the toy and always played with it. No other toy interested the boy, no matter if it made a noise or shined prettily; this, of course, made Ivar very proud.

"Have you been sleeping alright?" Aslaug asked the obvious question, the dark circles under Vanya's eyes a dead giveaway. She shook her head and leaned back, resting her ass on her ankles.

"Aros keeps crying during the night. Nothing I try helps. The Healer says it's nothing, but I think he is in pain. He always looks so upset, but when Ivar talks to him, he stops." Aslaug looked down at the content child and then at her daughter.

"Maybe he just misses his father. He must feel how tense everyone is since Ragnar returned. Maybe he knows something that we don't."

Vanya shook her head and picked up the babe who whined a little bit at being moved but stopped when it saw its mother. He raised one hand towards her hair and twisted it between his fingers, babbling nonsense.

"And what about you?"

"Huh?"

"How do you feel about Ragnar's return? Everyone said what they think; you are the only one who has stayed silent. You must have an opinion as well." Vanya questioned the strawberry blonde Queen, who smirked at the question and shook her head.

"I don't know what to think. He has not spoken to me yet. I cannot blame him; we didn't part in a good way." Aslaug explained draining her cup and taking Aros from her so Vanya can finish the ritual.

Vanya took the two stones and hit them against each other until a spark lit the bowl's content up in flames. As soon as the fire started, it ended, leaving behind a cloud of smoke that both women looked into. "What do you see in the smoke?"

"I see...A ship," Vanya started but cut herself off angrily, glaring at the smoke. "And an argument on its way."

Aslaug chuckled, thinking the girl was joking, but when Vanya too Aros from her and left with an apology, the Völva knew she was serious. The Princess stormed off to her hut laying Aros into his bed, fuming angrily. "Why didn't it occur to me earlier. I was so stupid, wasn't I?" She hissed, undressing her babe to wash it with a cloth.

Aros looked up at his mother, confused while she rambled on. "He asked everyone but Ivar. He will ask him next." She spat, throwing the rag away and collapsing on the floor angrily while Aros whine at the cold. "And your father will say yes." She cried at her own stupidity. No matter how much he swore to protect them and stay by their side. He yearned for Ragnar's approval and would gladly go with him if it meant his respect. Vanya couldn't forbid him to go; it would be cruel.

She sobbed on the floor, only picking herself up when Aros's whining got louder. She finished washing him and laid down in bed with him, cradling him close to calm herself down. She sang to him the lullaby her wetnurse sang her so long ago.

The eerie song sends him to sleep son enough, and Vanya was left alone to her thoughts till Ivar returned. "Is he asleep already?"

Vanya hummed, not looking at him, instead watching the adorable face of her firstborn. Ivar undressed and climbed into bed next to them, careful not to squash the tiny babe. "Did you say yes?"

Ivar froze and looked at her before sighing. That meant he did. She chuckled and gazed into his unsure eyes, smiling sadly. "This is a great opportunity to prove myself to him, to be more than his son in the name. Everybody keeps saying that being the son of Ragnar Lothbrok is enough. But I don't feel that way." He looked at her desperately, hoping she would understand. "I love you and Aros. I always thought that I couldn't have a child or a wife. That I was truly boneless, but you proved me wrong. But I need more. I need to be more than a husband and father."

Vanya nodded and took Ivar's hand in hers, taking a deep breath to gather her thoughts. "If even you couldn't do those things, it doesn't make you any less of a man. Cripple or not, you don't need a wife or a child to prove that you are like your brothers. Lots of men can have sex. Lots of men can have children. Those things are easy. To be a son of Ragnar Lothbrok, and to find greatness... That is hard!"

Ivar looked at her with tears in his eyes, relieved that she understood and supported him. "If you feel like you must go to Wessex to feel whole..." She sighed and let the tears spill over her cheeks as well, her husband crying tearing at her heart. "Then I will wait for you here. We both will! And when you return, we will celebrate with your family because no one will ever underestimate you again!"

Ivar nodded and hugged her, crying together until they fell asleep in each other's arms, Aros sleeping between them.

[onwardintolight]

In which Onward rereads the Thrawn Trilogy and writes a massive review (and some other related stuff)

Alright, so I know I said that the characterization vs. plot thing in new canon vs. Legends was a rant for another time, but I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since and I really need to get a few thoughts out, so I guess this is that time, lol.

I’ve recently been diving into some of the Legends books for the first time in years. Partly because I’ve started listening to audiobooks and can get a whole lot more reading done in a day than I was able to before, and partly... well, I’m just curious to revisit it. I read a number of books from the old EU as a kid, and I definitely had mixed feelings back then. On the one hand, I was delighted—more Star Wars! Yay! On the other hand are the mixed feelings, which have so faded from memory over time that all I can remember anymore is that I didn’t like how the books portrayed Leia.

So anyway, I’ve been curious to give some of them a shot again, and see what I think now (all except COPL. I’m never going back to that one). I started with two that have come on my radar through the Han x Leia fandom, Tatooine Ghost and Razor’s Edge. They were wonderful! I absolutely loved Tatooine Ghost, especially. Razor’s Edge was super fun and had some truly fantastic moments (including some unforgettable shippy ones), but it felt more plot-driven than I tend to prefer (give me ALL the deep character stuff!). Despite that, I still loved it. I already own Tatooine Ghost and I plan to get my own copy of Razor’s Edge, too.

Then I decided to revisit the Thrawn trilogy. 

Oh boy.

Before I dive into that, though, I first want to say that I have many friends on here for whom the old EU is their Star Wars. I have the utmost admiration for you all, and I mean no disrespect. I support you in this being your Star Wars 100%. I’m not seeking to get into any big arguments or flame wars. In fact, I will put most of my ranting about Heir to the Empire et al under a cut, so please feel free not to engage if that sort of thing bothers you. 

Honestly, I’m a big fan of focusing on positivity in fandom, of focusing on what I love and not harassing others who enjoy things I don’t. That being said, I do support a good critique. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not trying to force my views on anyone, but I can certainly express them in my own space and support other people’s right to express theirs in their space. What better space to do so than on my tumblr?

Before I go under the cut, I have one last question for my old EU stans. Based on my enjoyment of Tatooine Ghost and Razor’s Edge, and knowing I’m a particular sucker for character-driven stories, especially if they involve Leia and Han (and/or their ship), are there any other Legends books you’d recommend? Please let me know because I would love to discover more of that goodness!

Now, onto the Thrawn trilogy....

(It probably goes without saying, but major spoilers ahead)

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Disclaimer: I’m sorry if I get some of the details wrong; I listened to the audiobooks and don’t have access to the books themselves right now so i’m writing out all these thoughts from memory

About Leia

So, it turns out that little me was right. Older me had the exact same reaction upon reading the Thrawn trilogy. What the heck did Zahn do to Leia? She seemed so diminished, shrinking. Hardly like Leia at all. If I had been reading a physical book, I would have been tempted to throw it numerous times.

First of all, she was set aside almost entirely for the first book. Despite the fact that the Empire was looking for Luke too, Luke got to be free and keep roaming the galaxy, doing his thing, and Leia was forced into hiding. If I remember right, it wasn’t really her choice (I believe it was Han who refused to take her no for an answer), nor did she argue it much. She just kind of followed the men in her life and let them do all the leading and galaxy-saving. Sounds a lot like Leia, right? *rolls eyes* Overall, she didn’t do much, and she didn’t have any part in the big climactic battle. 

(On another note this reminds me a little of one of Zahn’s new canon books, Thrawn Alliances. SPOILER ALERT: at a key moment, Thrawn pleads with Padme to talk with Anakin and try to convince him not to do something really terrible and disastrous that probably will result in people dying, and Padme basically just sighs, throws up her hands and says something like “It’s no use. When he gets this way no one can convince him of anything” and I just want to SCREAM BECAUSE NO THAT’S NOT THE FREAKING PADME I KNOW AND SERIOUSLY???)

Anyway. *calms down* 

In Dark Force Rising, Leia had a much more interesting plotline as she wins the allegience of the Noghri. I liked her better here, and she seemed a tiny bit more like the Leia I know. But it still just felt... lackluster. 

In The Last Command, she’s once again pushed to the side thanks to the men in her life making the decisions in the name of protecting her. True, I understand that for the majority of these books, she’s been pregnant, and so it’s not just about protecting her, but about protecting the twins. But that didn’t stop her from doing what she felt she needed to in Dark Force Rising. And in this book, she’s already given birth. Winter’s there; she can take care of the twins (as she eventually does). When the heroes assemble and go to Wayland for the big climax of the trilogy, she’s convinced by the men to stay behind (*cue me throwing imaginary book across the room*). Honestly, it felt contrived for the sake of the plot (she has to be there for what happens next) and more than a little bit sexist. 

She does eventually go, however, which made me want to cheer. I would have hated it way more if she hadn’t gotten to participate in the big last battle with C’baoth, particularly in light of the way the books had set her up as a Jedi-in-training (not very far along, but still). I was excited because surely this must mean she plays a big part in that, right? 

...She does not. She basically shows up and then gets trapped, doing hardly anything. Plot-wise, she’s pretty much there to provide an extra lightsaber and moral support of the Force-user variety. I’m glad she got to be there, but... yeah, overall, I’m really not happy with how these books treated my favorite character, and one of the actual main characters of the OT. It kind of felt like she was replaced by Mara, tbh. Which leads me to...

About Mara

Mara, like Leia used to be, is a very angry person, and for good reason. But her anger came off in these books as rather petulant and irrational. Once again, it felt a bit sexist. I hope I’m wrong, but the trajectory seems to be a trope that Leia has already been subject to (in ROTJ, as much as I love that movie, and with the job finished in this trilogy): Soften the angry woman. Make her pleasant and pliable and a little bit subservient. Legends fans, PLEASE tell me this doesn’t happen to Mara. I hope she continues to be a sarcastic, independent woman who takes no sh*t. I hope she loses none of her power, even as she loves and marries Luke. 

Mara had probably the biggest character arc of this entire trilogy. Unfortunately, that isn’t saying much. I really felt like her story had a lot of potential and could have been really compelling, but Zahn just doesn’t seem to know how to write characters with depth. In the end, her big moment of throwing off the Emperor’s power over her honestly just felt kind of contrived and shallow. Oh look, here’s a clone of Luke she can kill instead. That will magically make it all go away. Convenient. 

I wanted to love her. I think I probably could love her, if I read good fanfic. The problem is that the source material leaves all depth to the imagination.

About Everything Else

I mentioned that Mara seems to have the biggest character arc, but that wasn’t saying much. I had a lot of trouble distinguishing any other character arcs at all. The characters all seemed to be caught up in this big plot, carried along with it and deposited victorious at the end, without any obvious growth or change (except, again, for Mara). 

I suppose you could say that Luke learned to stand on his feet without the help of Ben’s Force ghost. But that was given such minor emphasis that I didn’t even think of it until this moment, weeks after finishing the book. 

Aside from my rage at the misogyny, I think this gets to the heart of why I disliked these books. The motivations and emotional/personal journeys of the characters are of utmost importance to me. To me, they’re the whole point. When a book is all plot and little character, I just... don’t care. It doesn’t feel real or relevant. It doesn’t show me that I can slay dragons, too.

I know that theoretically, I could imagine those character journeys. I could fill in the blanks in my mind, or through fic. I have a big imagination; I’m really pretty good at such things.

But tbh, when it comes to these books, I don’t even want to. To me, the plot itself felt pretty lackluster. I keep using the word “contrived” but it fits so well. Things happened and decisions were made that didn’t make much sense, just so the plot could go the way Zahn wanted it to. Now of course the same argument could be made for new canon (particularly, imho, the ST movies), but at least with new canon, there’s a deliberate and largely persistent focus on character. (And less sexism.) 

Other complaints: 

- I got sick of C’baoth in the first book. His villainy was not the least bit fearful or intimidating. His nearly prevailing over the heroes at Wayland felt more accidental than anything.

- Don’t get me started on stupid Bel Iblis and his stupid hurt manly pride that the women in power have to coddle and bow down to before he will lift a finger to help during a genuine EMERGENCY when he was desperately NEEDED (*cue me throwing the imaginary book across the room yet again*) (I think Leia would have had a few more choice words for him than she did in this book. They instantly presented themselves to my mind, at least)

- I can understand why Thrawn was such a big deal when these books first came out, but I think Thrawn is kind of oversaturated these days, and tbh I’m kind of sick of him (I’m going to blame the more recent canon Thrawn trilogy for that). While I like a good Sherlock Holmes mystery, I’m not too big on admiring that sort of “man as a machine” type character. Rationality is not everything, not by a long shot. It is empty and, frankly, shortsighted on its own. The best part about Thrawn’s story in these books for me was seeing him make mistakes (actual mistakes! yay!) and meet his end, perhaps in part due to that over-reliance on rationality and arrogance in his own abilities.

A few things I did like:

- another main female character, yay! Two if you count Winter

- I thought Talon Karrde was an enjoyable character and I’d love to see more of him

- I remember loving the vornskrs as a kid and a little bit of that adoration returned when I read this, bringing with it all sorts of happy nostalgia

- some parts of the plot were fun and exciting, and I could understand why they might feel iconic and Star Wars-y to others

Overall, however, I think Thrawn as a character kind of represents these books as a whole. It’s all very cerebral and practical. There’s art but it only serves the purpose of the rational. To me, these books felt like they were all mind, no soul.

I know that those of you who hold these books dear may disagree, and that’s fine. Honestly, despite my serious problems with them, I don’t hate these books. I might even read them again someday, maybe. I may be convinced to appreciate them more once I read people’s headcanons and hear what people love about it. So with that said, what DO you love about it? Where do you see these books’ soul?

[pencilscratchins]

Does your imaginary movie have a lot? If so I would love to hear all about it! Your art gives me life

AW THANK YOU!!! ♥ and i sorta of have a plot- mostly just a swarm of ideas that I can’t fully connect, you know? It’s mostly based off an existing 80′s au my brother and I have- but i did a ramble sesh in the read more, it’s long I’l warn you LOL!

It takes place in 1986 Mackinaw, Michigan- a small, somewhat run down steel town where Xavier runs more of a boarding house that provides “specialized training” for “gifted kids” (ala X Men: Evolution, where in the mutant kids live at the mansion but still go to a public high school.) There’s also a group of less conventional mutants, the Brotherhood, who live in the old firehouse and follow Magneto. Mutants are somewhat of an open secret amongst America, but there’s no official legislation/recognition in place.Xavier has offered Kitty a place at the mansion, she’s turned him down multiple times since she doesn’t want to be “put on some fast track.” Her best friends Bobby and Rogue both live there; Bobby’s been for a long time, after his parents kicked him out; and Rogue just moved in the previous year from Whynot, Mississippi (she has the Irene backstory here.) The whole movie gets kicked off when two new students show up to the mansion (the Rasputin siblings who are escapees from behind the Iron Curtain, where mutants were more heavily persecuted) and people start having weird dreams and not remembering huge chunks of time.I know I want the Shadow King as the villain because theyre one of my favorite X villains, and I wanted a way to almost make the Brotherhood and the X Kids work together. Plus I want a sorta of light, high camp feel and the Shadow King lends themselves to that really nicely. Then I started thinking about how there could be an interesting connection between Illyana and the Shadow King- sorta inspired by X Men Legends- and figured she could be the catalyst. The conflict is sort of inspired by the terrible 1996 made for TV movie, Generation X where a knock-off Shadow King starts invading dreams and snatching bodies- I love the idea of a dreamscape. What I’m thinking is maybe, the Shadow King- while in the USSR- tried to possess Illyana to accomplish some goal I haven’t worked out- but due to Illyana’s own abilities, they weren’t able to gain full control, so she becomes somewhat of a carrier for him over to the Mansion.Once there, maybe something with Charles and Jean’s combined telepathic energies- or maybe Illyana’s own manifestation?- The SK harnesses that energy to start causing trouble? I sorta want them to get interested in Kitty’s neutrality and try to capitalize on that. AGAIN I don’t have a great clear plot- not enough to fully get my ideas out on paper (mostly just specific scenes that I can go into if you’d like) and a basic feel to the movie, if that makes any sense LOL! Its sorta just something to have fun with and I’d love to hear if anyone wants to expand on any of these half baked ideas!!