#truly nothing more romantic than murdering someone for their dick because you want to fuck me that bad

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

oh you're in love with me? well would you chop off my crush's dick so I can sew it onto you because your's fell off because you've been a corpse for 100 years but you want to have sex with me before I kill myself because I don't want to die a virgin?

[mercy-burning]

Your Favorite — Part 1

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: When Y/N comes home from college for the summer to meet her mom's new boyfriend, she finds herself in a rather tough spot when she can’t stop thinking about him— And it seems he feels the same... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, masturbation (female and male), minor exhibitionism kink, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, breeding kink (kinda? i think? 😅) Word Count: 7.3k (do you see now why I had to make it a miniseries? alsdjfdk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

DISCLAIMER: In this story, Spencer is dating Y/N’s mom while also having a sexual relationship with the reader herself. Because of that, there are obvious undertones of cheating, alongside some perv-y tendencies when it comes to a partner’s daughter. That being said, Spencer and Y/N’s relationship is consensual. However— If any of what I just forewarned is something that you think will make you uncomfortable while reading, please do not read! If there are any more disclaimers you think I may have missed, don’t hesitate to tell me! There is another post I made HERE with some disclaimers as well if you want to know more about what this story will entail.

NOTE: This intro is already too long, so I’ll just get this out of the way: you can find visual nsfw inspirations for this story over at @mercy-midnight, I’m working on a playlist for this story on my Spotify @/mercyburning, and I don’t know when part 2 and 3 will be out, but you can assume they’ll be here within the next few weeks.

———

JUNE 5th

I hate my mom's new boyfriend.

For the past three months she'd been telling me about this new guy who's "The One" as if "The One" hasn't been like four other guys in the past two years.

And as much as I'd love for my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her life with, I don't believe she'd ever find Mr. Perfect at this rate. Unless she spent more than a few months with them at a time before dragging me home from college for a weekend to meet them, I really don't see it happening.

It just sucks. Because every time she does this, every time I return home, I see the glimmering hope in her eyes and the diminishing spark in his, and I know. I know it won't last, and her heart will be utterly broken within the span of a few months.

I always thought maybe she just had terrible taste in men.

But this time around, when I begrudgingly walk through the door of my childhood home for the summer and see my mother clinging to a man who returns that glimmer in her eyes, I know she's picked a good one.

And I hate him.

His name is Spencer Reid, and he's a retired FBI agent who teaches full time at local colleges now.

He greets me with a bona fide, radiant smile, unlike all the others before, and it sets my insides on fire. And when we sit down for dinner, he's polite (but not in a fake way,) and he seems genuinely curious about my studies and my personality and my relationship with my mother. And when dinner is finished he offers to clean up while Mom and I settle in the living room.

I see the way he looks at me as I leave, a gentle, closed-mouth smile and eyes that linger a little too long on my exposed legs before averting, a glint of shame pooling within them, and it only spreads that fire in my belly.

Maybe I'd been imagining the whole thing, because deep down I wanted him to look at me the way he had... But it's hard to tell when my brain is mostly setting off sirens, blaring "THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" on a loop with blinding lights.

And they're even louder when my mom wraps her arm around me and lays her head atop mine. "Well, what do you think? He's great, huh?"

She's so lovesick, it hurts. It hurts even worse knowing that all I can think about is his big hands wrapped around my throat while he fucks me into the squeaky twin-sized mattress in my bedroom upstairs.

But I can't tell her that, obviously.

And so I decidedly hate him. And I have no choice but lie to her face, embracing her joy and hoping that I'll be able to survive this summer.

"Yeah, Mom. He's really great."

JUNE 19th

It's been two weeks and I can barely stand to be in the same house anymore.

I try to keep myself busy by going outside, to the beach or for long walks in the park; but it's too hot for my liking, and our town is so small that unless I want to spend my time in the grocery store or one of the three bars on Main Street...

I'm stuck either outside where it's hot and uncomfortable, or in the house where it's also hot and uncomfortable.

We have air conditioning, of course, but that's not the problem.

It's Spencer.

I thought by now my little crush on him would have gone, but the longer he hangs around the house, the stronger my feelings for him grow. They're not romantic—nor do I think they ever could be given the fact that if anything serious really were to ever happen between us, my mom would disown me for the rest of my life and murder Spencer with her bare hands—but that doesn't make it any easier on me.

Every day he just exists, right in front of me with that tug-able mop of hair, those warm honey eyes, and his hands that never stop moving. I swear, it's like every time he breathes, his hands are breathing too, challenging me to try and stop them.

But I refuse to touch him. Because I know the moment I do, all will be lost. I won't be able to control myself anymore. And if I don't drop to my knees and try sucking his dick at the dinner table, I'm sure I'll blurt out how I can't handle it anymore and that I need him, and either way I'd be royally fucked.

Right now he's in the dining room, teaching my mom how to do a disappearing card trick. She thinks it's utterly charming that he can do it at all, but mostly that he's patient and willing enough to teach her. And normally I'd agree, but I can barely look at them without wanting to waltz over, grab his wrist, and suck his fingers into my mouth.

It's truly pathetic.

So I try to focus on the television just a few feet away. It's one of those rare instances where I wish our house was bigger, because while I don't mind having less wall-space between rooms, I do mind not being able to watch TV without the kitchen table in my periphery at a time like this. And I think about going up to my bedroom instead for a moment, but I'd have to go past the kitchen, and I just know Mom is going to ask if I'd want Spencer to teach me his magic trick.

And I most definitely do not want that.

In another life, maybe, where he isn't a hot professor and rather an average-looking dude who's way too into fantasy football... But not in this lifetime.

So there I sit, concentrating so hard on Family Feud that my face hurts.

When I hear a flutter of cards and joyous giggling from the other room, it's more than my face that hurts.

It's also my chest, churning and tensing at the hands of the green devil.

Fuck!

I barely even know this man... I haven't really talked to him because I'm afraid that if I try to hold a conversation I'll snap. He's literally just some hot older guy who's dating my mom, and still, my whole body twists and aches with envy when they do anything together, and it fucking sucks. Not only because of the jealousy, but it's also the fact that my mom deserves to be happy.

This time it's different. This time, she's really found someone who returns her every loving gaze, who makes her laugh, who's kind and genuine and not a total douche. She's happier than I've seen her in years.

And the one time she finally finds "The One", every waking second of my life is spent longing for him fuck me.

But it's only been two weeks.

And it's also been nearly two years since I got laid, so maybe that's just my issue...

I figure it can't hurt, so in a spur of the moment decision, I turn the TV off and sprint towards the stairs, right past Mom and Spencer before they can ask questions.

———

I hardly even register the dimness of the light inside the house by the time I glide up the steps, fumbling with the key and trying to make my entrance as quiet as possible. Though, because I'm so used to the dark by this point, the light—no matter how dim—nearly blinds me. The door shuts louder than I'd have liked, and I cringe inwardly, pausing as if that will keep anyone from seeing or hearing me. Not like it'll matter, considering Mom and Spencer are the only ones that are staying here and they'd also been the only ones aware of my plans for the evening.

Well, somewhat, anyway. I told them an old friend invited me out and I probably wouldn't be home until late.

Regardless, that instinct of trying not to get caught coming in late at night is stronger than common sense. Throw a little cheap beer and some shots into the mix, and it almost feels like I'm a teenager again.

The only thing different now is that I have a pool of some stranger's cum soaking my underwear and a man in front of me who stands like an angel. An exhausted, almost scruffy-looking angel more like, but my point still stands.

"You're up late," Spencer observes. It's a simple enough statement— not really judge-y, but I can tell that regardless of his knowledge of my coming home late, he seems shocked to see me coming through the front door right now.

And it's hard to look away from him. Just like it has been for the past two weeks. Still, I try, just barely avoiding his eyes as I cross my arms and fight the urge to clench my legs together. "I'm a whore. What's your excuse?"

Maybe not the best thing to say. But like I said, common sense? Gone.

"O—oh... Umm..." Spencer stumbles through his words, obviously stunned by my response, and the look in his eyes kind of makes me want to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. Still, I stand my ground and wait for him to continue.

He settles on a short, "I can't sleep," and then there's nothing else.

"Ah," I express. One syllable. I don't draw it out, I don't exaggerate it... This is the first real conversation I've had alone with him, and I've made it extremely awkward, so I sigh and take a few steps forward, trying to walk past him. "Okay. Goodnight."

I only make it a few steps before he stops me, his hand reaching out to tap my shoulder. "Wait—"

The touch makes me jump, and he pulls it away immediately as I turn to face him. My heart is racing at the speed of light, my panties are soaked through, and if I'm not careful that whole 'no common sense' thing is going to bite me so hard in the ass I won't have one left.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice is barely audible, and the gentle rasp it has to it seems to make me even more wet.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Look, I um... Your mom has been totally transparent with me about her relationships, so I know that she's been through a lot of them in a short amount of time... And I know that must be a little difficult for you. Especially now that I'm here... And you've been... distant. And I know that I don't know you that well, so forgive me if I'm assuming anything, but I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of making things difficult for you and your mother."

Too late, pal, I think bitterly, the gentle authority in his tone setting my insides alight. I'm positive that voice could get me to do so many things...

That's the alcohol and sex talking, Y/N, just shake it and move on...

He starts again, but I cut him off with a short wave of my hand. "Look, I... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I had a really long night, and I'm exhausted. I just wanna shower and go to bed."

I expect more resistance, but Spencer only nods. I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye, though this time I catch his hands clenching at the bottom hem of his shirt. "I understand. Sleep well."

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk a little faster towards the stairs, and I'm about to take my first step when I realize he's followed me. His voice calls out my name softly from a few feet behind, and it stops me in my tracks regardless of my desire to get out of there as fast as I can. And then I turn around and finally look directly at his face.

Big mistake.

His eyes are on my legs again, trailing slowly upwards until he reaches my face. The light over here is dimmer, barely noticeable at all, though I swear I can see red forming on his cheeks.

"I like your dress," he says softly. It's almost meek, like he'd been afraid to say it but took a chance anyway.

It's such a random, small compliment, but with the alcohol and endorphins flowing through my body after the night I'd just had, it nearly makes me quiver.

It also makes me incredibly stupid.

An amused, almost sensual grin forms on my face as I make eye contact with him, and I feel myself throb at the way I can just barely see his throat move. He looks like a deer in headlights, afraid to make one sudden move.

"Turning to flattery to try and win me over, are we?" I say slowly.

I almost think he'll stumble over his words once more, but again he surprises me with a full answer. It's only three words but it's clear, and his voice is deep, and I want to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Is it working?"

This has to be the alcohol making me imagine things... I swear I didn't even drink that much tonight, but it has to be an obvious lapse in judgement. The drinking mixed with the sex mixed with the dirty thoughts I've been having about this man lately have to be what's making this feel real. It's all culminating into this one big fantasy (or delusion, more like), and all I need is to shower and sleep it off.

That has to be it.

So because there's no other reasonable explanation that my brain can conjure up, I take a chance and throw Spencer a wink before turning and sprinting up the stairs.

And it's that same seemingly undeniable reasoning for this illusion that doesn't keep my hands from wandering in the shower. Even though those warning sirens in my brain keep blaring, telling me that the common sense is still there for me to utilize, they're drowned out by my thrumming heartbeat and the repetition of Spencer's soothing, authoritative voice, guiding my movements.

Keep rubbing your clit for me, baby... Just like that, nice and slow...

Warm water cascades down the front of my body as I lean back into the wall of the shower, but that's not why I'm so warm. This heat radiates through my insides, spreading like wildfire and bringing out small whimpers and mewls that I know I'll have to contain in fear of waking my mom from her bedroom right next door.

But then the thought of her hearing me next door as I cry out her boyfriend's name only excites me more. I keep it quiet still, but just knowing that someone else is in the house while I'm having these thoughts right now (one of them being the object of said thoughts) is what finally brings me over the edge.

I finish my shower on weak legs, definitely overstimulated now, but also feeling even more tired. I know that the moment I lay down on my bed, I'll be pulled into the sweet, soft surrender of a deep sleep.

Nothing else has ever sounded so pleasant.

———

When I woke up that morning after, I was feeling surprisingly calm. Realistically I knew that my whole 'this has to be an illusion' montage had been less truth and more inebriated babble, and the longer I sat on it the more I thought it'd all turned out for the better.

Turns out, tipsily masturbating in the shower to thoughts of your mom's hot new boyfriend was a surefire way to get it out of your system, right?

Wrong.

It really had been okay at first. I thought about Spencer almost immediately, and yeah, he was still hot as fuck—But there wasn't this overwhelming desire within me to jump his bones when I saw him that morning, his hair messy and his hands clutching a cup of coffee while Mom made breakfast behind him.

But that good feeling I had about all of this? It lasts only about a split second.

Because the moment he looks up and sees me, the mug falls out of his hand and shatters to pieces. His eyes stay glued to me, even as my mother darts over to pick up the pieces of the ceramic that are scattered about the table and the floor. And when she turns back to grab a paper towel, he still stares at me, once again at my legs.

It takes me all of four seconds afterwards to remember that not only did I talk to him briefly last night, but I also flirted with him after he complimented me.

That whole part seemed to have slipped my mind when waking up, and now that his gaze is bringing me back to that moment, that 'this has to be an illusion' montage is starting to become larger than I'd remembered.

It isn't until he finally snaps out of it and starts to help my mom clean up the mess that I snap out of it, too, going back upstairs to clear my head and cool the heat radiating over my skin.

———

There's a knock at my bedroom door about an hour later, and it sounds different than my mom's usually quick two-knock succession. That means it's someone else, and unsurprisingly, my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing him again.

"Yeah?" I call out, turning in my desk chair and meeting Spencer's figure in the doorway. He's changed, a rather nice pair of slacks and a white button-up shirt clinging to his limbs.

"Can I come in?"

"Mhm," I say. I still don't know if I entirely trust myself to say anything more than a few words to him, and as he enters the room and sits on the foot of my bed, I wonder if he can tell.

He tries, really tries, to look me in the eye, but I know that it's hard. I've been in the same spot. And then he takes a deep breath before folding his hands in his lap.

"Y/N, I want to apologize... When we... talked last night... It was kind of weird, and then this morning wasn't really any better..." He can barely get out the words 'talk' and 'last night'... And then he avoids my gaze altogether, staring at the floor and trailing off, trying to put his thoughts together it seems.

And that's when it starts to click into place.

There's one thing that both last night and this morning have in common, and I've noticed it almost every time I've caught him staring at me. At my legs. It's happened almost daily since I've met him. And then, the night I come home clearly having just been fucked, waltzing past him, entertaining his fascination with my legs and then masturbating to thoughts of him in the shower, he finally starts dropping mugs.

He must also really feel something here. Something similar to my own feelings. And really, that should be a red flag, because he's my mom's boyfriend, and it's a goddamned fucking mess...

But fuck, it excites me.

I'm still wearing my pajama shorts, silky and lavender in color, and I use them to my advantage, slowly crossing one leg over the other and just barely gaining Spencer's attention back.

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" I ask him, amusement dripping off my tongue.

I can tell from his reaction that he wasn't expecting me to ask. A few times he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it , stumbling before panicking. He's been pretty good so far at coming up with answers and explanations, so the fact that this time I finally seemed to have broken him down makes it all the more clear.

He must have heard me in the shower.

Right?

I'm almost completely positive that's what this is about. And there's one way for me to get the confirmation I'm looking for.

"So you heard me, huh?"

I try to keep my voice as plain as I can as not to give away my motives, and with my luck Spencer is so flustered that he probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all. He looks up at me, his eyes desperately trying to find something he can use to make up a lie, but in the end there's no use.

I've caught him. And he knows it.

"Yes," he whispers. He looks exhausted, guilty, and also a little like he wants to cross the barrier and kiss me.

Okay, maybe that part's just in my head. I really can't tell. But I do know that hearing me call his name out in the shower last night is what brought him to this point of severe distress. As much as that excites me, though, it also embarrasses me a little. Maybe if it hadn't happened we could have avoided further destruction.

It must read on my face, because Spencer perks a little. "Oh! Y/N, I'm not... I'm not mad or anything. I really didn't mean to overhear and invade your privacy... Really, I-I'm sorry."

The fact that he's apologizing to me right now, rather than acting all grossed out that I even did it in the first place, tells me he either feels guilty for not being able to help himself from hearing me, or he's just a good guy who loves my mom and doesn't want to ruin it because of a little mishap.

Either way, it's frustrating, because I don't know what to do.

Well, I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I should hint at it.

But then he does something. It's small, and no one would have noticed, but I've been fascinated with his hands since the moment I met him, so my eyes are instantly drawn there.

They're clenched so hard, his knuckles are nearly white.

He's nervous.

To ease his mind a bit, I hold off on poking the bear harder (though it's really tempting to see what will happen if I don't) and nod, trying to make myself look as apologetic and small as possible.

"It's okay... I... I won't make it awkward if you won't?"

His shoulders slump, and his body seems to relax. "Y–yeah. Yeah, deal."

He gets up off the bed and blurts one final apology before heading for the door, but that part of me that wants to poke the bear further makes me stand up and follow him.

"Spencer?" I call out.

He freezes and turns to face me, and I don't think he quite expected me to be as close as I am. I have to tilt my head up to look at him, and the angle gives me an added layer of this innocence I'm trying to achieve.

"I'm sorry, too..."

No the fuck I'm not.

Whether he can sense my lie or not, he doesn't show it. But I think he at least knows that I'm pitching my voice a little higher on purpose, and if that doesn't give it away, the way I'm staring at him sure should.

Still, he only nods and retreats.

All there's left to do is see what happens.

JUNE 25th

For someone who agreed not to make things awkward, Spencer sure can't keep his eyes off of me.

To be fair, I have tried to keep things fairly normal. I only really interacted with him if I had to, I kept my distance, and I saved my skimpier clothing for the strangers I was regularly going out to see almost every weekend.

My lustful feelings for him aren't as strong now that I've been getting some on a semi-regular basis and keeping myself occupied. I've been doing my part.

But I still can't shake him entirely.

Whenever he spends the night (which is surprisingly most nights), the occasional wet dream about him gets me frustrated when I know he's just down the hall and sleeping soundly next to my mom. On those days I try to cut as much interaction with him as I can, though it doesn't keep me from seeing the occasional stare he throws my way.

I wish I could say that I hate it.

But I don't, and it increasingly gets worse. It's only been a week, so there's still time, but honestly, I don't think there's any shaking him.

Today especially is one of those days where it's hard not to give into the incessant need to tease him and coax some stronger reaction out of him.

I talked to Mom earlier this morning about getting some new clothes, and she had this brilliant idea to have Spencer take me. "It would be a good chance for you two to bond a little, don't you think?" she insisted, nudging him in the side and silently pleading with her eyes for him to agree.

I could tell from the look on his face that he really wasn't ready to be alone with me again, but that only excited me.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea," I piped up, positively beaming.

Mom was so excited for us to 'bond' and also that I was gladly inclined to go through with it that Spencer couldn't have said no to her even if he wanted to.

And I was pretty sure he didn't want to.

Yet here we are, sitting in the car, the air conditioning so strong it's blowing some of my hair into my eyes. I think it had been his way of punishing me for choosing today to wear a short skirt, something I usually refrain from nowadays unless I'm going out, and it makes me smile. I can't help it.

I also can't help the way my fingers play with my skirt, dying to tease him some more. I just want to see, to know for sure that I'm driving him mad.

"No offence, but you seem weird today... Is there something wrong?" I ask him, lifting my skirt just a smidge. The air from the car blows the fabric in waves.

"You're acting this way on purpose."

Well, I hadn't been expecting that answer... All this time he'd hardly been confrontative, and now he's full-on calling me out. It's plain to see that he's finally snapped, and I would have felt sorry about it if I didn't find it extremely sexy.

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N..."

My name on his lips is a warning. He's clearly annoyed, exasperated, and I'm loving every second. "Don't act oblivious. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. I don't want to make you hate me or anything, but you have to know where I'm coming from. I was willing to let the shower thing slide... And you said you were too, for that matter, so I don't know what's changed, but it has to stop now. Understood?"

Oh, all I want is to argue with him. I want to point out that none of this is really my fault because he's the one who hasn't been able to stop staring at me all summer so far. I want to tell him that if he wants this to stop he has to make it stop.

But that isn't going to give me any of the answers I'm looking for or further proof of my theory that he wants me just as badly as I want him. And I am not going to fuck this whole situation up by making a poorly-timed move on him.

I have to know for sure.

So, I fold my hands neatly in my lap, sigh, and look dead ahead. "Right... We said no awkwardness. I'm sorry."

Spencer seems to accept my apology and continues down the road.

When we make it to the mall I think he's calmed down. At least, he seems a little more comfortable around me, and honestly I'm okay with it. As much as his spiel in the car turned me on, it also exhausted me to the point of silence.

Even as we walk around each store in the mall, I just lead and he follows, not saying a word when I pick out a top or a pair of pants or whatever else I need. And when it comes time to pay, he takes the basket from me and pays for it with no question.

Near five bags of clothes later, I figure I could get used to this new dynamic.

But then we pass a lingerie store, and I remember that the main thing I'd needed was new underwear. I start to turn into the store, but stop suddenly, pausing awkwardly and deciding to go straight ahead instead.

"You don't want to go in?" Spencer asks.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I can just pick some up later, it's not a big deal."

He sighs then, nodding his head towards the sign. "If you need to go in, you can... I'll just wait out here if you're uncomfortable."

I really want to call him out, ask him if he's the one who should be worried about being uncomfortable. But so far this afternoon has been pretty decent, and I really don't want to make things any weirder than they have to be.

Besides... If my theory is right...

"Sure. Thanks. Uh, how am I gonna pay, though?"

"O—Oh... I'll uh... I'll just watch the counter and come in when you need me."

"Orrrr, you could just give it to me?"

This time I get a laugh out of him. "Not a chance. Go in, I'll wait."

I smile at him and hand him the bags to hold onto while I leave, and it fills me with absolute amusement that he'd just given me one more ounce of proof that I'm right.

He's gonna have to come inside and pay for what I bought. He could have just given me the card, and maybe he truly doesn't trust me with it (which I don't know why he wouldn't honestly), but he chose to come inside all the same.

I browse happily then, going through the displays and picking out things I need, but also things I know Spencer will like.

Specifically, I stumble on a pair of lavender panties, embroidered with flowery trim up top. The pattern from the outside is lace, but there's a thin layer of cotton underneath designed to be more comfortable to wear.

I've noticed that he can never seem to look away when I'm wearing anything, really, but it's more intense when I wear one of two things. Florals, and any type of purple. And these fit both of those bills perfectly.

Now there's just one more bill to take care of.

I stride over to the counter and turn around, finding that Spencer's caught my eye immediately. Either he truly had been paying attention to the counter the whole time, or he'd been watching through the glass, following me with his gaze to the best of his abilities. Either way, he blinks a few times and looks like he's gathering the courage to go in before actually taking any steps.

I laugh to myself, eager to gauge his reaction to this next step.

Surprisingly, he holds up well. The air between me, him, and the cashier is obviously awkward, but he doesn't say anything and barely looks at what she rings up. (I say barely because he tries extremely hard not to look at the purple pair I picked out, inadvertently adding another checkmark to my list of proof.) She tells him the total, he hands her the card, and within a minute, everything is in our possession and we're leaving the mall entirely.

I don't think there are any more steps to my plan today once we get in the car and I tell him thank you. (To which he responds a short and simple, Sure thing, and turns the radio on.)

But then there's a note taped to the front door, and it instantly gives me another one.

My Sweethearts,

I got called in on a work emergency and won't be back until 7. I would have called but I figured you were having a nice time and didn't want to interrupt! I'll bring home dinner, and then maybe you can tell me about how your day went. Can't wait to hear it!

XOXO,

Eve/Mom

I check my phone, seeing that it's almost 3.

Perfect.

But I don't want to give myself away too quickly, so I thank Spencer again for taking me out and tell him that I'm going upstairs to make sure everything fits right. He nods and lets me go, though not without lingering eyes. I can feel it.

The smile never leaves my face as I try all my clothes on. Once each article has been fitted, I throw it in a laundry basket and move to the next, until I get to the last piece.

The lavender panties.

As expected, they fit perfectly, and as I look at myself in the mirror I picture what Spencer would look like when he sees me wearing them.

That's right. When.

I throw back on my earlier outfit and grab the basket, acting as bored and normal as possible to find him sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

"Hey," I greet him, setting the basket in front of me once I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Everything fits good, I just need them washed now. Could you run these down to the laundry room for me? I think I'm gonna make something to snack on before Mom brings dinner."

It doesn't surprise me to see him look at my legs before my face, even if it is brief. I want to smile, but I hold back, watching him nod with a tight smile of his own.

"Sure."

He disappears and then I wait.

One...

Two...

Three.

I sneak as quietly as I can to the laundry room once I hear the washer door open. I hadn't specifically asked him to put them in the washer for me on purpose, and it looks like now he's doing exactly what I thought he might.

My head peeks around the corner, barely in his range of sight as I watch him empty the basket. He takes one item of clothing at a time and throws it in the washer, and halfway through the basket he stops, just to place a pair of my new underwear on the dryer beside him.

My heart races faster the more I wait for him to get to the end of the basket. Once he does, he pauses again, and I think I know exactly what he's looking for.

Still, he sets the basket aside and picks up the stray pair of underwear, a simple black cotton pair that I'd been getting for years, and drapes it over his hands. My thighs instantly clench, and I try so hard to remain where I am so I can see where he takes this.

He takes it straight to hell, apparently, tentatively pulling his dick out of his pants and gripping it firmly. I can barely see since his back is partially turned, but I see enough, and god he's so fucking pretty. My underwear dangle from his left hand while the other works slowly over his erection, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

I fight to let one of my own slip as my hand sinks down the front of my body, past the lavender cotton and lace that I know he just wishes he had right now.

And then, a few seconds later he's already coming, using my brand new underwear to catch each rope of it, and the sight nearly has me on my knees.

And because I want to catch him in the act, I quickly draw my hand away from myself and step into the room, barely giving him time to recover.

"You come fast."

Spencer looks utterly devastated when he turns to see me standing in the entryway to the laundry room, arms crossed and an amused smirk adorning my face.

"Y/N... I—I... I'm so sorry, I didn't... I..."

"Don't worry about it," I say, taking a step towards him and shrugging. "You heard me, and now I heard you... We're even. Besides, I... figured you might be looking for these."

He's still stunned, but he looks down all the same, watching my hands slip under my skirt and glide the lavender panties down my legs. I step out of them and hold the garment up on one finger, a soft smile still on my face.

"I picked 'em out just for you, you know," I tell him, tossing them past his face and into the washer. "I've noticed that you like purple."

This time he's quick to respond. "Y/N, we... We can't... This isn't right."

"Says the man holding my underwear soaked in his cum..."

He looks panicked again, extremely guilty, but if this isn't going to end in a total disaster, then I have to reassure him that I'm okay.

"Spencer, I'm not mad..." I take another step forward, and it feels much like trying to approach a wounded animal. I can see in his eyes and in his posture that this conflict is killing him, so I decide to show some rapport. "And I know... I know this is messy... I love my mom... And I'm sure you care about her a lot... But are we really going to ignore this? We tried that, remember? And now look where we are."

"I..." He swallows, shaking his head and trying to avoid my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you... I can't..."

My hand finds his arm, and the light touch has him sighing out, an incredulous, breathy laugh escaping him. "Y/N, please... Don't."

"Don't what?" I ask softly, praying he won't turn me away. If he does, we're just back to square one, only the square is jagged, sharper than ever before, and in serious danger of injuring someone.

When he meets my eyes, I see nothing but a desire for something he knows he can't have. "Don't want me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. My knees start to wobble as I go down, keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I swear I see them dilate fully. I scoot in closer, sliding my hand up his leg and finding the words in my heart to finally say out loud.

"It's too late for that..."

My face moves closer, and the hand of his that doesn't currently hold my underwear flies down to gently tug at my hair, keeping me in place.

"If you do this... God, Y/N, I won't be able to stop myself..."

A smirk dances over my lips as I lean in, breath fanning gently over his exposed skin. "Don't."

He swallows. "Don't what?"

"Don't stop yourself."

I barely get the words out before his hand is completely pulling me towards him, and the second my lips press against the silky skin of his hard cock, he loses it completely.

His fingers thread through my hair as I kiss and lick my way softly up to the tip. Once I'm there, I swirl my tongue out and taste the small beads of cum that had remained after he came, a low, satiated hum radiating through my body and making him shiver under my touch.

And then I wrap my lips fully around the head of his dick, and there's no stopping the most beautiful sound I've ever heard come out of his mouth. It's a broken, desperate whisper of my name. The crack in his voice when he says it spurs me forward, and I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat.

That's when he tosses my underwear in the washer and uses both of his hands to grab my head, roughly guiding me along his cock and fully taking control of my actions.

The fire in my belly doesn't ease up, not even once he's decided that he can't take it anymore and pulls me off of him harshly.

And that's only because now he's fully turned over, finally given into these desires that have been plaguing him presumably from the moment we met.

"I want you stripped and in your bed, on your hands and knees within the next five minutes."

I get up off the floor and walk up to him until our bodies are flush, my arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"What are you gonna do to me, Spencer?"

He searches my eyes, and his own grow dark with the purest form of sin I'd ever seen. And when his hands come up over the back of my legs, and under my skirt to grab my ass and pull me even closer to him, I can't help the little mewl that slips past my lips.

He smiles, and if it hadn't been for the grip he held on me, I would have fallen to my knees. "Little girl, when I'm through with you, you'll have to come up with some excuse to your mom about why you can't walk straight... Is that what you want?"

The mention of my mom should send me running in the opposite direction, but his threat only prolongs that fire in my veins and makes me want him even more.

I tilt my head up and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do your worst..."

———

Turns out he was very true to his word.

Sitting at the kitchen table is somewhat of a relief, but I try not to walk around as much when Mom gets home. She'd asked me almost immediately if I was okay, and I told her I was just hungry and needed to eat something.

She seemed to have bought it, rushing to the kitchen to unpack the fast food she'd ordered for us. Over her shoulder, Spencer gave me a sly smile, and it took everything I had within myself not to crumble.

Through bites of food, I only half-listen to Mom telling us about the stuff she had to do at work because most of the words I'm hearing are in my head— A loop of endless dirty talk that plants deep into the soil of my stomach and spreads out through my whole body. It infects me, like the most beautiful poison, and I never want it to stop.

"Tell me, sweetheart, you ever let a man come inside you before?"

His weight on top of me coupled together with the heft of his voice has me whining out in pleasure, each snap forward of his hips over my ass as he pounds into me from behind the most delectable burn I've ever felt.

"Uh huh," I answer happily, twisting my head to feel his cheek against my own. "That night you heard me in the shower... I walked through the door with a stranger's cum soaking my panties... And you know what?"

He grumbles, his hips hitting into me harder as he waits for me to continue.

"I wished it was yours..."

My legs clench together under the table and I take a large gulp of water.

I feel something graze over my bare shin, and I already know it's Spencer's foot, a silent reassurance of his presence and that no matter what, he'll always be here.

"Here's what's going to happen..."

He has me on my back now, my legs hoisted over his shoulders and bent back so I'm nearly folded in half. His hips are flush against mine and I can feel his cock throbbing as he comes into the condom.

"You're gonna make an appointment to make sure you're clean... You're gonna make sure you're on good birth control... And then the next time I fuck this pretty little pussy, you're gonna really know what it feels like to have a man come inside you."

Right... Like I really need a reminder of his presence.

I can practically feel it still inside me, taking up every inch of space my body could provide. And no matter how long I go without seeing him, I have no doubt that it'll always remain.

"But that's enough about me, I'm sorry." Mom's voice shifts and breaks me out of my fantasy. "So, how did your day of bonding go? You have fun?"

Spencer and I share a look, a smile spreading over his lips that makes me smile in turn.

"Yeah, Mom," I say. "It was great."

He nods in kind. "Yeah... We'll definitely have to do it again."

His foot grazing over my leg under the table cements the unwavering smile on my face, as does the way my whole body burns at the memory of him fucking me upstairs only hours before.

I don't even flinch or get sick to my stomach when Mom reaches over and gives Spencer a kiss.

———

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[lostinwoods]

A different take on SessKag relationship or why it would be more realistic than InuKag.

Let me begin with

Sesshomaru's and Kagome's past and how they are similar.

Sesshomaru had always been a very sentimental and emotionally receptive being. He had loved and cherished his dad the most. Loving and competing with him, wanting to surpass him, desiring recognition and acceptance so much so that his entire world revolved around his father. He did not want the swords because they were powerful or the bs about supreme conquest. What is that shit? Sesshomaru never needed that. The swords, especially Tessaiga was the most important acceptance to Sess. I will get back to this later.

Now Kagome. This kid was born and then we never saw her dad even when she was a kid. Another classic case of growing without a dad? Perhaps. But I feel her grandpa filled her missing dad's place. That is why the kid grew up in a lovely household, filled with love and peace and made Kagome what she was later on, a selfless girl who wants to love and protect her friends. Because that is what she learnt. Her grandpa, mom, everyone and her own family dynamics taught her how important it was to cherish the ones she loved.

What they initially thought of Inuyasha in their life

Now back to Sess. When his dad died, he dies saving Izayoi. What is the thing he feels at the time I wondered. Surely devastated? Yes, but even worse. His most important person, his goal, the thing his life revolved around was gone. And for what? To protect a weak, useless bitch like Izayoi? Here is a thing, he never knew Izayoi but knew the hut had collapsed on his dad when Izayoi had escaped. What can a teen feel when they hear such a thing? 'That useless bitch, ran away when my dad was in danger and cost him his life. Fuck that bitch and that kid they made. Useless, all humans are useless and weak.' This was really where his hatred came from. Probably.

Kagome on the other hand from the beginning was shown as a selfless kid, who loved both humans and demons alike. Reason? She had never lived in the feudal era. She was a kid grown in a society where everyone is placed on a equal pedestal. How would she, a modern kid understand the bad blood between demons and humans? If she were ever born in Feudal Japan, would things have changed? Maybe. Then she falls into a world where nothing was similar to where she was from. She was frightened, unsure and confused. And then Inuyasha came into her life. Honestly their first meeting was not romantic and pretty terrific in a sense. That was a weird day for Kagome. She fell into an alien world only heard in fairy tales, got involved in a weird prophecy, learnt she was a mythical sort of being herself and then got attacked by a guy who had saved her only seconds before, all ready to rip her heart out. In such a case, the 'osuwari' was probably a safe word for her. Why she uses it later in the series? Probably because she never trusted Inuyasha and felt more comfortable using a word which gave her power over him. Honestly, what would you expect? Kisses and love showers?

Analysis: Kagome was still scared of Inuyasha for a long time and did not trust him completely.

Before Inu no Taisho's tomb battle

Kagome before this went home and then cane back because she felt that fixing the Shikon was her duty. More honestly, she just returned coz Yura attacked and she wanted her family to be safe. Here I want to take some time to gush over how cool Kagome is. Intelligent, smart and extremely powerful. How she understood that Yura's skull was her weakness and breaks the god forsaken thing with just an arrow. That is some level of OPness. Who says Kags is useless?

Anyways, after that when Inuyasha called her 'Kagome', a lot of the viewers thought that Kagome was ecstatic because it was romantic and she was in love. But that is bs. It is not possible to love someone a week later they tried to gut your heart out. It is masochistic and unreal. Kagome over here felt a sense of acceptance from a guy who she felt previously hated her enough to kill her. And that to Kagome was a sign of friendship and more like, 'don't worry, I am not at least gonna attempt to kill you anymore.'

Kagome, inheritently a person who gives a hand when given a finger. She accepts Inu as her friend and they were far from being lovers.

It is exactly this time that Sess attacks them. And quite cruely might I say. Bringing Inu's dead mom like that was not funny and Sess was an outright jerk for doing that no matter how much he hated Inu and Izayoi. He is all weird and sarcatic at high levels. And Kags hated him. She hated how he was attacking this one friend she had made in the era. She hated how cruel this bastard was and how much pain her friend was going through. And her own lovely bond with her brother did not help her to look into their complex brotherly bond which seemed to her more like some battle royale. She probaably hated the bitch for showing up and hurting her friend like that even when he, being the older brother should have loved his younger brother and nurtured him like she would do for Souta.

For Sess, it was really weird and shitty all over. A basic human bitch, standing behind Inu like she was weak fawn. Reminded him so much of Izayoi. Someone who never even tried saving his dad. That was why his sarcastic words were like, "Inuyasha, it suits you so much to have a human behind you". Ya and he was irritated by looking at how helpless af the bitch was. He was narcisstic, filipant of Kags presence and all around indifferent to a 'weak human filthy woman', who he felt was just like the one for whom his dad died.

Surprise is how he did not outright murder her. Perhaps he felt like they were worthless and beneath his boots.

Lol, these two are the best.

Inside Inu No Taisho's tomb

Kags was really angry with this bitch who just chained her up, clawed a pearl out of her friend's eye and then jumped into a black hole. That is why she followed with, "This sort of a person, with no blood or humanity in his veins, I cannot forgive him" and then she chased. Even Inu was like, WTF bro. It was fun. Then she spouted lines like, " Take the sword Inuyasha, it will be like a hit to his pride, what a shame!"

How tf did she know about how much his pride hurt him. Lol felt like Kags knew Sess more than Inu ever would and they only met. That was some soulmate level shit right there. Lol!

Then there was Sess who was outright dismissing Kags and she was not even a spec of dust in his eyes. Then she went and pulled that sword out. Remember the scene where he was so surprised that he stopped the battle with Inu and turned around and LOOKED. Like really LOOKED. It was such a heart stopping moment and for good measures as well. He saw a girl, a woman standing there, holding an inheritance which was supposed to be his and she did something he could not. Did Tessaiga accept her then, did his father accept her more than him? He was baffled, confused and low-key awed. That was why he said, "What are you?" And legit measured her top to bottom. That was some turning point for Sess. Something that proved to him that all humans cannot be dismissed. But he was in rage. How can a mere human be worthy of Tessaiga and melted her along with that sword. I wonder if it was his second test to see whether Tessaiga would protect her or not. And then it did!

Sess went ape-shit crazy after that. A sword he desired for so long (The sword used to protect Izayoi was a thorn in his heart. Made him feel like his father had chosen a human over him. But if the sword had accepted him, it would have proved that his dad had still loved him, thought of him). That was the significance of Tessaiga to him. Power sure, but more of an acceptance. His dad's acceptance. And then what happened? The sword preferred a human who then gave it to his damned hated brother.

Aftermath of tomb battle

Kagome never really liked Sess's guts and probably had no form of sympathy towards someone like him. On the other hand things picked up with her and Inu's relation. She came to know some facts about Kik. And her inferiority complex began with her incarnate. But having a part of Kik's soul in her, began her obsession with Inu. She strived to understand him, make a better person of himself. But their relation was still not there to lovers.

Then Sess came across Naraku. He probably just wanted to dick around more with Inu and accepted the human hand.

2nd battle for Tessaiga

Sess's desire to possess the Tessaiga had increased at this point. His rage of having his arm cut off by that sword felt like the worst rejection from his dad. He was going insane and might have wanted to kill Inu for real in this fight. He was in no mood for theatrics in this one, unlike the tomb where he actually watched some InuKag drama and even applauded (lol). He was absolute business this time. He snached the sword and showed Inu exactly why he should not get that sword, 'You cannot even make the wind rift, why should you be more worthy?'

He meant to kill Inu and then Kags arrow sailed in, charging with enough power to even cancel the demonic energy filled into the sword by Sess himself.

His thoughts were for the same reason, " She canceled Tessaiga's transformation? Who is this girl?"

His respect scale jumped for her here. He truly had never met anyone who could rival his power to such extent. He had never met a girl who stood so powerfully in face of danger to protect this some half-breed scum. She was like the embodiment of everything he had hoped Izayoi to be to his dad. A strong woman who would wager her life to save the one she holds dear. Sess had learnt this fact from his dad's death. To sacrifice in name of love and then in this fight he understood how much that meant both for Inuyasha and Kagome. He probably somewhat understood what this feeling was after seeing these two.

Sess had an idea of love and protection and Kags became its centre. She was this vague expectation Sess had of human love and an absolute loyalty towards whom you love most. He felt complicated towards her. He respected her.

3rd Tessaiga battle

Sess's most sceptical battle yet. Why break the tessaiga? 'I will break it if I can't have it!' Desperate much?. Then the wind drift appears and for the first time Sess acknowledges Inu. For maybe being a somewhat worthy of having Taisho's blood, only if a little bit. He is saved by Tenseiga. Oh, how he hated this worthless sword more. This sword could not cut throught things and saves his life. What a worthless shit.

Kagome's narrative here was important. "How can he weild the Tenseiga? He needs a compassionate heart for that." Always wondered why Kags was the one to say this. But realised the reason later on.

Rin

Obviously the most controversial topic of Inuverse. What Sess felt for Rin, why was she there.

Rin has often been compared to be the Kagome version of Sess. And that is the only truth. She came in like a ray of sunshine when he was in most need. He was in self doubt, hate towards Inu and complex emotions towards Kags. And then Rin was there with the exact same face and the same warm feeling like Kags. Even he knew what InuKag were to each other then and no matter how much he respected Kags, he was not really interested in a further relation with Kags. But his deeply unsated desire to understand his dad's mentality and reason behind saving a human was what made him think of Rin. As she was his chance to understand that. His chance to understand why his dad could do that, why Inu could do that and why humans like Kags and Rin could save and love demons. It was not romantic in any sense. He had a confusion and Rin was his way towards a solution. Though it was a different fact that he loved her later on and cherished and protected her. Enough to feel that there was no meaning to his anything if she was not there.

So yes in a way, she is Kags embodiment in Sess's life, a picture of Kags selfless love. His desire to truly understand such beings called selfless humans and the result of his single minded belief of human women being trash and unable to love shattering.

And for fun just to contradict Kags speculations, for first time ever, Sess uses the sword and we viewers realise how wrong Kags was. Sess had every bit of compassion in his heart.

Later events

The events went on with Kags finally understanding her position in Inu's life and her single-minded chase to be accepted by Inu as just Kagome and not Kikyo's reflection. I do not even know if this could be called love or just a misinterpreted need of attention from someone you hold dear. But whatever, we realise Kags is in love with Inu now and still cannot stop from feeling compassion towards Kikyo. Honestly she and Sess are truly two opposite sides of a spectrum.

Sess on the other hand gets Tokijin and attacks Inuyasha. This time around, I highly doubt he was still chasing Tessaiga. It had more evolved into his need to show he is more powerful than Inu. 'What you do best, I can do better.'

Stopping Inu from transforming

In this the most debatable question was whether he was there to stop Inu or not.

Sess had wanted to see and experiment the limits of Inu's blood beast.

After some fighting, Kags jumped in. Sess stared at her, like forever. That staring tho. Even when she was like, "Stay away, you idiot." Sess stared. For Sess, that was what he admired the most in Kags. Her selfless devotion. He was staring at that fearless figure who once again surprised him by being a sacrifice to save her loved ones. She was to Sess what he had always thought of 'love' to be. She was the embodiment of the term 'love' to Sess. For a guy who knew nothing of how to define emotions, it was Kags who showed him what love was. And thus he jumped over and over again in front of Rin to protect her. She taught him how to cherish even the even the most weak individual in a group, and thus he protected Jaken.

Rin was there to show him the same thing everyday. But no matter how much Rin showed him her own loyality, love and warmth, Kags always remained that shining beam to him. I will say later on how I understood this.

Kag's love was the validity of his dad's sacrifice. A way for him to make sense of his dad's mindless death over protecting some weak human.

And in this scene for the first time ever, Kags saw Sess as more than an insufferable pest to her friends. She saw his noble ideals and realised why he was there and thus she thought, "Was he here to save Inuyasha?"

It is very curious as to why Kags was again given these lines. It was probably because her opinion mattered, to Sess it did. And we will see more why in the future.

Random encounters

There was one time when Kags saw Rin while Jaken was trying to steal Tessaiga and she had asked herself, "Why is a little human girl traveling with Sess?' It was again a small thing which she did not need to feel but was very imp. for her development towards Sess. How she started to understand him more.

Kohaku incident

Here we saw how was the first time Sess listened to Kags.

Kags opinion mattered. Inu's mattered and when he realised that Kohaku was being used he let him go. There was one reason that he did not want to be used, the next I am sure was for Kags and Inu. He knew then that Kohaku was imp. to them and he stopped. Big character jump for him.

Then the most curious fact was how Kags knew what the girl meant to him, "Please let him go Sesshomaru, the girl is fine."

Kagome: Thanks Sesshomaru!

Sesshomaru: I just never wanted to be used by Naraku and fall into his trap.

Lol...

Then after Rin left, Kags thoughts about how she had left with Sess and was awed . An important point for her change in feelings towards Sess. She understood the guy was changing and Rin was changing him.

The fun fact was how she was instantly in love with this little girl and that would become important later on.

More random events..

After that it was shown that many times Kags was the only one who could stop a fight bet. the brothers. Example that time when he fought with Inu to get some direction for Naraku. And then Kags came and told him to go north or something and he was like, "That is all I wanted to know." And left.

What is to be seen in these parts is how RT made only him and her interact like this. He listening to her like they have been friends forever.

The saving of Kanta's father was also an example of how much she affected him.

Her plea to save Kanta's dad even when no one believed and no one bothered to ask him. Tensaiga moved because he felt deeply moved by her plea. He might have never wanted to voice it but since Tensaiga only worked when the weilder felt compassion and a need to save someone. Sess must have felt it subconsciously and Tensaiga had stired. Or it had stired because it is a SessKag shipper as well. Lol!

Mukotsu

I wonder how Sess knew Kags was in trouble. Another fun fact like how he appears at times when Inu is not there to save Kags. Sess is there. Probably he knew her scent too well and hence could even distinguish between that and the poison. After that was the gruesome death of Mukotsu. The thing to notice over her was how large Sess looked in that hut doorway, it was a symbolism to how big and huge his protective self looks when he is protecting Kagome. A very romantic thing indeed. The first time he protects someone who is not under his protection. A complete selfless act if considered from his pov. Sess being a very private person and while saving Kagome showed her place in his heart. Yeah and that was very visible from how he killed Mukotsu.

The takeaway from this episode is not this though. It was the fact that Kags defended Sess. For the first time ever, all the good deeds she had seen him doing had outplayed her hatred for him. She accepeted him as a friend with these words, "No Inuyasha, he was here to protect us, he saved us." It was a completely unnecessary detail in the whole scheme of this episode but very important for Sess. Her acceptance matters, her opinion matters and Sess is a Tsundere.

Sesshomaru: I did not save YOU, I just killed him coz he did not answer me properly.

This proved how much she affects him, rattles him and how much her life means to him. And an unspoken promise to himself to protect her when Inu was not around.

Fight with Shishinki

No one ever mentions this fight. But there is a very important SK interaction in here. Something which was important for Sess. Kagome's understanding.

When Sess was lost in the same darkness of never being accepted by his dad, Shishinki made things worse by saying Tenseiga was a cast out of Tessaiga and it was given as a leftover to Taisho's least fav. son. Sesshomaru was hurt, lost, and his daddy issues, his biggest weakness was sharply opened by a knife, cruely and Kagome's words saved him.

Kagome: But there might have been a reason their dad had done this.

Kags belief that Taisho had infact not rejected Sess was like a balm to his soul, the only thing he had needed to hear throughout his life. The thing which made him accept in the end that Tensaiga was there to protect Inuyasha, the thing that was needed to sort of activate Tessaiga and then he finally formed his biggest and truest meido. It was romantic, touching and outright heavenly. Then it was made cute with Inu's awkward concern. It was the best ep. as of yet.

Kagome's deep concern and her understanding of Sess's pain was brilliant and alien level insane. She should not have, but she did and that's why they felt more like soulmates.

Battle with Magatsuhi

Sess had gone batshit crazy when Magatsuhi had hurt Kagome and that had only been worsened by him questioning Sess's honor and pride. Sess had turned full on doggy mode and lost control in that way for the first time since the tomb. And the strike at Magatsuhi's eyes was another symbolism of his revenge for doing shit to Kags eyes and mindfucking her.

RT has always thrown these small hints in between IK drama. Which are brilliant and lovely. Even that one scene where he stands protectively inbetween Kags prostrate body on Kilala and Magatsuhi. Beautiful symbolism, really.

It was also fun to see how Kags half power was sealed by Magatsuhi and Sess's half power was returned via Bakusaiga. I felt that Sess's true acceptance of his protection to Kagome and his detachment from Tessaiga was what made him the true daiyokai and surpass his father. Since somehow Tessaiga has always been linked to protecting Kagome and somehow protecting her might have also been the thing to finding Bakusaiga. The desire to protect her perhaps.

Soul mate mind link theatrics

This is something only some people realise. Sesshomaru and Kagome have been shown not once, but twice to be doing this. Once while fighting for Kohaku's life and the last shard and the other in Naraku's body. Kagome and Sesshomaru had been shown to think in absolute synchronisation. He thinks half the sentence, she completes the rest. Absolute soul mate shit.

SessKag power combo

Shown a lot of time in Inuverse. Sess attacks and Kags completes. A small thing but their timing is insane. And is defintely the best power combo, far better than an InuKag combo.

Fight in Naraku's body

This was the time when Sess finally shows what Kagome means to him. Where she stands and how much he cares for her. She is his FIRST priority. Proof? When Rin and she are in simultaneous danger, he stands there infront of Kags for God knows how long, removing those snake things like he had all the time in the world and once she is awake he is concerned about her well being.

Sess: Those wounds, are those Inuyasha's doing?

And his disappointment in Inuyasha not being able to protect Kags.

Sess: As expected of a half-demon. He lost himself in the bloodlust.

Kags obviously considered Sess to be a friend at this point. A very close friend at that. Family perhaps? Their familiarity here was not missed by anyone. Her defending Inu and then still prioritising Rin over Inu were only somethings we realised this chapter.

The most important was her belief in him.

Manga exclusive,

Kags: I believe that you would be able to do it. Do not fall into Naraku's trap and play his cards that is what he wants. Only you can do this, I know.

Wow, Kags wow...just wow... It is the best actually. She does not believe Inu in this situation but she does Sess. She believes in his protection and she knows her influence on him. This speaks volumes. This shows her unreal connection to him and how they match each other instinctively.

Sess knows her influence. This is his weakness.

The mokomoko scene was truly Sesshomaru's best confession. For him who cannot say much in words, allowed her to fly on mokomoko. Something which everyone of us know has a heavy weightage for Sesshomaru. It is his weapon, his forever companion and his support when he is injured and tired. Offering such a thing to her for whatever reason was truly his way of showing what he exactly feels for her. He cherishes her the most and I could say even more than Rin. Trusts her the most and would jump in front of danger to protect her.

Which is only seen more when he asks her to stay away from the fight because she would be a 'hinderance'. Which means he could not fight if she is in the middle. He would be vulnerable and weak. Intersting, very interesting. Another time where he stood between her and a dangerous blood beast that Inu had become.

The best part was truly him getting concerned when she fell down from the top while removing Tessaiga and then when Magatsuhi tried to possess her.

His anger was so vibrant. "Get away from her!"

What a brilliant thing to say. The possessiveness. The will to protect her. The absolute anger. Brilliant. So much was spoken in those lines.

The best ending though was the SessKag power combo of Bakusaiga and holy arrow. Best ending. Inu was not even much involved in ending Naraku. It was weird how the titular character failed in finishing the main villain with his meido. Shows a lot what SessKag meant to RT.

Big brother

Yes, the iconic scene where fans of all ships shout out that SK is not a romantic ship.

Well over here I want to say that Kagome truly saw Sess as a big brother figure at this point. Part of it was because she still felt that she was in love with Inu and part because she was not receptive to her reactions to Sess and what he truly meant to her at this point. She feels an intimate connection to him but cannot justify the weirdness because she still feels a closeness to Inu so she thinks of him as big brother. Which was a very intimate thing for Kagome to say. She loves him like family and clearly places him higher than the rest of her friends only second to Inu. That was more of a declaring her closeness to Sess rather than a confirmation of her and Inu's relationship. Kags is not a vain character who does things coz they are convinient. She would not call a friend if they are not a friend. And certainly not a big brother if she does not feel so.

Sess actually was relieved, ecsatatic and happy when Jaken informed hin of Kags arrival as was seen in his expression. Very funny actually. Because next second he was called big brother and he was hilariously ticked off. He could not believe what he was being called. Lol that interaction though. It showed how close they ended up being. Even more close than he was to his own brother.

But he accepted the title even if with much pain in his neck and then was really offended when Jaken badmouthed Kagome.

Conclusion: No one badmouths Kagome.

Haaha....end of this long analysis. I tried to analyse it from the character's pov and found some interesting small tidbits and detail that RT had hidden in this story.

Thus I felt that SK would be a more natural ship maybe not outright. Since Sess loves her truly but does not understand the nature of the relation and Kags is still too much blinded by Inu filter a.t.m. Maybe given years when Kags will realise exactly what sort of love she feels for Inu. Which will happen because such a toxic relation like IK should not exist and then she will probably see Sess's love for her.

My Conclusion: SK is a defintive. It will happen with some time and care. When both would mature. But it will happen for sure. All the ingredients are there, the stage has been set just the players have to realise what they feel for each other.

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Reviews Halloween Special: Fungus Amongus and Ghoul of My Dream

Happy Halloween! Halloween Havoc races to the finish with another Darkwing Double Feature! Love is kinda crazy with a spooky girl like Morgana, and in this case “kinda crazy” means a board of ghouls stealing pizza, sentient mushrooms, grumpy spiders, student lone debt, and a gremlin who somehow sees himself as a valid romantic option. It’s a Darkwing Duck Halloween under the cut.+

We’ve made it! While I got less Halloween reviews done than I would’ve liked, I’m still happy with the ones done and there’s still two more to get in the pocket before the day’s up. So with Halloween today it seemed fitting to talk about the Justice Ducks resident sorcerer and Darkwing’s Girlfriend, Morgana Macawber. Morgana was the only one of the four to stick around as a recurring character out of the four Justice Ducks: Gizmoduck would show up once more after the four parter, and sadly Neptunia and Stegamutt just seemed to vanish but the crew clearly liked Morg a lot and her relationship with Darkwing, so she stuck around for the rest of the series, and is even the focus of the final episode “Malice’s Restaurant”, as well as a sizeable part of the comics. And it’s easy to see why as Kathie Sourcie had great chemistry with Jim Cummings and Morgana’s very presence, being a sorceress raised by the munsters and living in a creepy mansion, allowed for diffrent stories than what Darkwing usually dealt with. While magic didn’t feel like it contrasted with the world, as Darkwing’s world feels like your standard superhero fantasy kitchen sink where anything is possible, most of his foes were either super villains or the kinds of super spies you’d find in a comic book. So fighting ghoouls, goblins, and Satan himself, yes that’s an episode that actually happened, no it’s sadly not on Disney plus, and yes I will be covering it eventually, was a nice out of genre experience and a nice way to put our daring duck of mystery out of his element.

She brought something diffrent to the table, both forcing Darkwing to grapple with letting someone into his life, and with having something to focus on other than Gosalyn or crime. So I wanted to see how this plays out, so expect me to cover all her episodes and not just the Satan one or the Valentine’s Day one, though like my Tom Lucitor retrospective, expect this one to also take some time. So with that all set up, Halloween is the perfect time to begin our journey with her first two episodes.. and Morgana’s Villian Career. Yeah while she only had about 9 episodes to her name, 2 of them are as a Catwoman or Black Cat style antagonist, someone whose likeable and who are hero is attracted to, but is on the wrong side of the law.

She eventually came around, but it’s still an intresting way to start things and an intresting dilema for our hero I wish stuck around for just a smidge longer. These aren’t bad episodes with Ghoul of My Dreams being a pretty good one. If I had to guess though the reason the dynamic fizzled out.. is they simply didn’t have a lot of ideas of how to use her as a bad guy. Part of the reason i’m covering these two episodes together is that they follow basically the same plot beat, the only differences being Darkwing meets Morgana in the first one and they know each other in the second, and that the evil entity who ends up turning against her she works with is different for both. The third act is also entirely unique to each episode, so it feels less like them lazily repeating themselves on an episode and more like they genuinely realized they didn’t have a ton of ideas for Morgana as a villain and thus had her reform with the Justice Ducks two parter. And I can’t blame them: fan would get annoyed if basically every Morgana plot played out the same, and this way she could know Drake’s secret identity, and thus allow the stories to use Gosalyn, though I do wish she’d shown up in one of the villian ones just to see how that played out. But still her time as a Villian is there, and is even a plot point in the valentine’s episode, so let’s see how it played out and see what I think.

Fungus Amongus

The plot here is fairly simple: there’s been a rash of mysterious thefts in St. Canard, and Darkwing is stumped.. until Launchpad asks if they can go for pizza, because he’s hungry and Darkwing is the terrible kind of boss that doesn’t’t care about meal breaks. It makes our hungry hero realize that each of the thefts are connected to PIzza Toppings, and after thwarting the bats and spiders stealing some anchovies, figures there’s only two left: Green Peppers and Mushrooms, and so he decides it’s time to split up gang and while Launchpad guards the peppers, Darkwing goes to visit the head of the mushrom company, who naturally turns out to be Morgana. The two end up taken with one another, to the board’s annoyance as Darkwing is onto them and could stop their whole evil plan and they want to just murder his ass and be done with it. But Morgana proves seduction’s a bit more useful as she sweetalks our hero into leaving, and points out given he’s also a creature of the night in a sense, she plans to turn him.. or kill him if she has to. More on that in our next episode. The facade dosen’t last long as Darkwing goes to help launchpad at the pepper place, and ends up finding out oh no the hot lady he met five minutes ago is bad! While the board plans to feed Launchpad to mutant mushrooms, while Morgana seemingly turns Darkwing into her mindless slave.. but really just played the board and switched sides, not wanting to hurt the guy she just met because he’s cute, they defeat the mushrooms and the board who turn into mushrooms in the light because....

The day is saved though we do get the one standout bit of the episode. Darkwing despite his attraction to her, wants to turn her in, while Morgana simply teleports her house away. And thus the dance begins. As for the episode... as you can tell by how brief I was... for one i’m not doing my usual died in wool recapping for these two to get them out on time. And i’m also not because this one.. is pretty thin. The mutant mushroom and boards’d esigns are cool and Morgana is intresting.. but having seen Ghoul of my Dreams first.. it’s just not as fun, funny or good on the Morgana Darkwing dynamic. Morgana just decides because she wants to ride that dick she’ll be good for a moment, and throw away her hard worked scheme, and the board is turned into mushrooms because.. well see the lex luger pic above. It’s not a TERRIBLE episode, just not a terribly intresting one. It has good elements, but they just don’t come together well and the pizza scheme isn’t as funny as the episode thinks it is. I can kinda see why this one was buried deeper into the series and Ghoul of My Dreams is where they put focus. I just don’t have a lot to say about this one, it’s just bland and uninteresting. It’s kind of why I just sorta plopped it next to Ghoul, I needed to review it for completion’s sake, but lord if I can think of a lot to say about it that isn’t tied into the next one. So since I can’t...

Ghoul of my Dreams:

Now this is better. The basic plot is still simple but allows for a lot more intresting set pieces: It’s a slow night in St. Canard, to Darkwing’s natural annoyance, until a bunch of fire fighters start sleepwalking and throwing gold to some spiders and bats. Something is afoot and since the bats belong to Morgana, Darkwing goes to investigate her. Granted we just MET eek and squeak, but it’s easy enough to assume Morgana struck again off screen and some time has passed. And i’ts honestly what makes this episode more interesting: now it’s more of a cat and mouse game, with Morgana using their chemistry against him, but still being genuinely drawn to him and not wanting to hurt him. It’s better than “I met you five minutes ago might as well throw away my money for you”.  Instead Morg truly likes Drake, but wants to keep doing crimes to, in easily the best joke of the entire series “Finally pay off my student loans”.. which makes her already not really a bad guy. I may not haves em but I know people who do. Those loan people do not play around. It’s investing and Sourcie and Cumming’s chemstiry really makes it pop. Sourcie really is what makes the character, giving her energy, sedcutivness when called for and a really sympathetic quality that makes her face turn, sudden as it is, believable. It’s why I really like the character. And I get why some don’t: Her romance with darkwing is sudden,  her face turn is even more sudden, and she gets in the way of Drakepad shippers. The first two are valid criticisms, while the last one is understandable.. depending on motive. If your just bummed this relationship you don’t like is forced into the show and gets in the way of the one you actually enjoy.. trust me...

BEEN THERE. And far far worse.. I didn’t start up an entire retrospective on the guy who DIDN’T get the girl here for nothing. But if you say “oh well it’s homophobic or you hate gays” if you don’t ship drakepad, which I have actually heard for both this ship and delpad.. kindly go fuck yourself and stay away from my posts. It’s NOT homophobic to ship a character who is CANOCIALLY into women, with a woman. Launchpad had a girl of the week or two in ducktales, Drake’s attraction to morgana is canon and he also had some ship tease with Neptunia. They both like women.. but there’s nothing saying they DON’T like men, don’t want to date men, or aren’t attracted to them.

Been waiting to reference Schitt’s Creek at some point here now i’ve started watching it. It’s biphobic to say this sort of harmful shit, and it doesn’t’t help there are plenty of gay people who genuinely believe bi and pan aren’t sexualities and harm their own community by doing so. Saying this kind of shit just fuels their fire and bi people like me and pan people like my firend have a hard enough time with straight people being dicks about this. You should know and be better. Don’t bring that shit into this fandom. We’ve already ridden incest out on a rail we don’t need this. I already put up with enough bullshit being a loud house fan and having to deal with ACTUAL homophobic ships like Sam/Lincoln, aka setting up a character you don’t know to be anything but gay, versus her girlfriend whose canocially been shown to be bi if preferring women, whose the proment and well like love interest of a woman, and pair her with her younger brother to clearly troll people. Now that’s a homophobic ship and that you shoudl be angry about, not “oh no the person who likes women in canon.. LIKES A WOMAN IN FANON”. It’s part of what made shiping delpad hard at times because people got really dumb about it to the point someone drew some very horrible fanart just to clog up the tag. Knock. it off.

And if your curious for my actual thoughts on Drakepad: in the classic series.. i’m not a fan, but I get it, and I do think they could work... it’s just. that Drake treats Launchpad really bad, including throwing him out of the house for a year without telling him why over something that really wasn’t his fault, not feeding him, not treating him as an equal after a while. This would have to change for them to work but I could see it happening, as the comics and one of the peisodes make a point that Drake can be a pretty shitty partner to Morgana too.

And just to show i’m equal opprtunity, despite shipping Delpad in the past, i’ve moved on to Penpad and Drakepad , ironcially enough, i’m not as big a fan anymore. LIke the above, Della just dosen’t respect launchpad as a human being. She was willing to keep the Halloween thing up JUST to scare children, looks down on him, and whie is his friend, is not all that close. I could see them happening, and do still think it’d be cute, it’d just take a ton of work and there are better ships for both. And yes I do ship Drakepad in the reboot, but there the two aren’t employer and employee, but equals who genuinely love and respect one another, listen to one another, and value each other. In the Reboot they have genuine chemistry and I could see them together, while in the original Launchpad and Morgana both really deserve better.

Now that’s settled, we get a fun scene of the two primping for each other. then flirting a bit, though Morgana, in AWFUL looking black lipstick wins with the move above and has her spider web launchpad, who hates morgana.. which is one part common sense given how darkwing gets around her and one part ho yay. But yeah this is pretty much Launchpad for both these episodes.

And darkwing dick is calling the shots so fair enough. But Morgana is once again nto wokring alone and is working with a creepy, well designed gremlin, named Nodoff... eh i’ve heard worse, whose giving her sleeping dust to knock out her targets and hits on her constnatly. Naturally he plans to betray her as soon as he can, and is likely only tolerating her because he wants to hit that.  There dynamic boils down to this.

There’s also tons of fun dream sequences including one at the top with darkwing being confronted by his enitre Rogue’s gallery before seeing morgana, NOdoff using baseball on Morg’s next target and some great ones at the climax. It’s part of hwy I like this episode better: While someone using dreams for stuff has been done a lot, it’s given a creative spin here as instead of killing them, Morgana’s simply using them to steal. Good stuff.

Darkwing foils their first attempt, though gets blamed for it because St. Canard is about as grateful as New York when it comes to superheroes. Morgana knocks darkwing out with some dust via Eeka and Squeak and admits Nodoff is working for her, though fobids him to harm Darkwing. This.. dosen’t last and we get another great setpiece, of sarkwing on a high dive. Thankfully, Launchpad finds him, and they find Morgana, who gives off the student loans comment. But in the struggle to stop her, Darkwing accidently puts her and the city to sleep.. and Nodoff is now super powerful and imprisons morgana. Darkwing i s back at her house, wondering what to do, but the bats give him a clue.. by flying him thorugh the door to fight Nodoff. It goes about as well as you’d expect with him freeing Morgana.. then trying to murder them both. Darkwing however pulls an Elm Streett 3 and says to think happy thoughts and take control of the dream.. which ends up at Darkwing’s Wedding to Morgana to his horror..... remind me whose the hero again. The woman who, while doing crimes is trying to pay off unfair debts, or the guy who finds the idea of commitment horrifying.  

Anyways we get some more great bits, I brush over them so I don’t ahve to talk about them conantly, including darkwing getting a cake on him, before Darkwing turns the tables by finding the hourglass full of the dust.. and in a clever finale, loading it into his gun and firing it on nodoff. This puts him to sleep.. which puts him in the real world, while Launchpad uses a giant alarm clock to wake everyone. They throw NOdoff back into the dream world.. for some reason.. and the episode ends iwth morgana kissing darkwing and the episode possibly having been all a dream.

This one, while I was again breif, is a classic, with a much more interesting dynamic. Instead of a morgana who goes from willing to kill we get one whose conflicted over things, who clearly wants to be a crook but may like darkwing more than that, as evidenced when he talks her out of taking Nodoff’s offer of riches. It’s good stuff and the gags are back to the show’s usual top notch level. It’s a creative, fun episode that really helps Morgana come into her own and I look forward to more of her. Overall i’d recommend skipping fungus amongus, but DEFINTELY check out ghoul of my dreams, as it’s throughly fantastic. I’ll be back in a bit for one last Halloween review and as always you can find my backlog on my blog. i recently covered Tiff of the Titans and there’s regular ducktales coverage every monday. Until then make sure to vote, wear a mask and check your house for gary busey till we meet again! Play us out Gerard Way!

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Ghosts from the rain forest

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

James Conrad x Reader

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing, implied smut, angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 2: Hilmi

Even when you were more than happy in the jungle in the middle of nowhere, and not having to deal with people, you couldn't deny that Bandar Seri Begawan was in fact a beautiful place, and the market of Tamu Kianggeh was always nice to walk through.

You have chose to take one more day in the city before your medicine shipment arrived tonight, and see the city some more, you even had chosen to dress up different and use one of the many dresses you bought but never use, it was nice to play the tourist for a change, even when the last time you were there you end up picking up a fight with some vendors and being stubborn enough that they end up humorously calling you Himli, that means peaceful or polite.

That's when you saw him, trying to buy some fruit from one of those sketchy vendors you have a love/hate relationship with, he was to put it on one word stunning, his dark blonde hair, perfect baby blue eyes, or maybe was the shirt he was wearing that make them bright that much, and the afternoon shadow over a perfectly sharp jawline. American maybe, after they left the country alone three years ago they have been popping up everywhere as tourists.

"That's a lot of money for a simple piece of fruit" He said to the vendor in a perfect British accent.

"Liying to tourists again Zikri?" You said in an authoritarian voice approaching them "You really are a menace"

"Ah Himli" He said part annoyed part happy to see you. "One can no longer make a decent way of living because you have to come and criticize me"

"Ten ringgits for a mango is decent?" The man said and you loved Zikri's shocked face.

"There there Prince Charming" You said winking at him "I'll buy your mangoes, just stay away from this man" you gave Zikri the 20 rn, and give the two pieces of fruit to the stranger. "Consider it a welcome to the island gift."

"Thank you, Himli was it?" He smiled at you with what of course was a perfect smile and you forgot to tell him your actual name "James Conrad" He offered you his hand.

"I prefer prince charming" You smiled back at him and shake the hand he offered you. "Aren't you a little far from your island?"

"A little, not as much as you, are you american?"

"From birth maybe, but haven't been there in ages, is way better here" You said honestly. "First time?"

"I have been before, actually, but it was not that great then, although 'm quite enjoying my visit so far this time" he gave you a look that you haven't recieved in a long time, a more than welcome look by the way.

"Do you want a beer?" You said to him and point to a near bar that you like, it was 5:00 pm and you have time until 10:00 at least, to pick up the cargo, "Do British play darts?"

"I'm better at pool, but sure let's go" he said and you walked him to the bar.

A couple of beers later and a lot of bad jokes next to the pool table and you were already cursing yourself because you have to go back to the middle of nowhere the next morning, and he was going to stay there with al his beautiful self alone.

A couple minutes later he was teaching you how to play, and the electricity that run through your back when he hold you in his arms was enough to make you lost touch with reality. By the time your mind tried to wake you up, you were already kissing against his hotel door, and by that time there was not much else to do, apart from opening the door and let your burning clothes fall to the ground and follow the pure instinct that was driving you.

"James we are ready" a young man voice said from the other side of the door hours later and make you wake up from the sheets you were covered with.

"Thanks Slivko, I'll be out in a minute" James said and make a shh sing to you with his long perfect finger.

"What time is it?" You said quietly, smiling at him and the sweet puppy eyes he have trying to make you stay in bed.

"Hey Reg, what time is it?" He asked the boy on the other side.

"Almost nine man, we are waiting, I'll be at the lobby."

"Fuck" you said standing up and quickly taking up your clothes "I'm so sorry, but I have to leave, this was... amazing. Thank you"

"You have nothing to thank for, if anything you have become my single happiest memory from this place" He said with dark shadow crossing his eyes and you were dying to ask what he mean but your seller was a dick and you had to flee.

"If you are still here tomorrow I promise you I'll give you a couple more happy memories" you kissed him one more time and walked out of his window, thankfully his room was on the ground.

You ran as fast as you could to put on work clothes, something your seller would respect and not that ridiculous dress. Noah was neither a good nor a bad man, he only followed an strictly business ethic, and for a man who robbed big hospitals to sell medicine and vaccines in the black market he was quite picky about punctuality and respecting previous arrangements, maybe it was just a British thing, you would have to ask James later. You smiled thinking on how well that have gone down, it have been quite some time since you feel like a normal woman, able to have a little romantic afternoon with a handsome man, he was definitely a nice change from the mercenaries you usually hang around.

This was definitely not what you have planned out of your life, you could still remember the you from ten year ago, that who believed she was helping shape the world into a better place by making cultivation practices more efficient, it was a dumb dream now, with all the devastation humanity had caused, especially with all the damage your government had created by using their precious Orange Agent, that's what have finally driven you apart from the big man, the idea that some day one of your creations could end up killing and damaging innocent people. You have seen personally the mutations and illness those substances could produce, and how men only following orders caused that damage without any remorse, that kind of men you truly hate, if there was anything that you couldn't tolerate in this world was soldiers, all of them pretending to be heroes when they were only glorified murderers...

You shake those thoughts out of your head and took the money for Noah in a bag, and walked into the night to the peers. Like always you wanted to be there before he and his man arrived.

"Always a pleasure making business with you Y/N" Noah said counting out the money "And as always my boys are ready to help you carry this precious cargo to its destination" He always made those fake ceremonious remarks that you didn't like. The boys as he called them were already packing the medicine into your truck and would scort you back to Borneo the next morning.

"You are a life saver" you smiled at him as fake as he did.

"Boss we found a rat" one of his man said suddenly appearing from behind one of the many containers that were at the peers, he was using a large gun to push a young looking man towards you, with his hands behind his head.

"What? Who is this little shit?" Noah said suddenly losing his charm "Y/N what are you playing here?" He took you rather harsh from the wrist and start shaking you.

"I haven't see him in my life" You said honestly, trying to make sense out of that bizarre situation. "You are hurting me Noah what the hell?"

"Well then he is just some nasty nobody, kill him" He said to his man, still not letting you go, and you were about to scream him to stop when an angry voice talked from the shadows behind you.

"I wouldn't to that if I were you, we have you surrounded so let the boy and Dr. Y/L/N go" you turned around in shock immediately when you recognize his voice.

"Captain Conrad?" Noah's voice sounded terrified and he let you go immediately and signaled his man to release the boy and then he turned at you total panic "You bring bloody SAS on me Y/N?"

"What? Of course not, wait what do you mean SAS?" You said looking confused at both men, James had come closer to help the young guy.

"Y/N? I thought your name was Hilmi" Now it was Conrad's turn to look confused.

"Would someone explain what the fuck is happening here?" The guy, Slivko was it? Said as confused as you.

"I don't bloody know, but I know this, I'm leaving, boys let the nice Dr. take care of her medicine alone." The five men with the cargo let the boxes on the ground and start walking towards their own vehicle "Please don't call me again" He said looking at you one last time. "Captain" he made one solemn bow to James and almost run out of there.

"What? No, Noah please wait!" But he was already away. "What the fuck is going on?" You turned angry to face Conrad "Did you have any idea of what you just did? And how in hell you knew I would be here? Captain" you said putting a lot of hate in the last word.

"Beg your pardon? How was I supposed to know that you were buying drugs from a bloody mercenary?!" Why the fuck was he angry? He was not going to stay waiting for medicine for a month "And by the way Doctor" Oh very mature Conrad "I thought your name was Hilmi"

"Oh excuse me, your majesty for not going around giving my profession and full name everywhere I go" Then the realization hit you like a lightning "How did you know I was here? You work for that annoying man from DC right?" Oh you were absolutely furious now. "I don't go peacefully when Mr Houston snap his fingers and he send a militar party to get me back, is that it? What if I said no? Are you going to put a gun on my head and force me to walk??"

"I work with Brooks Houston that's true" He started making his voice soft trying to de escalate the situation making you more mad. "But I believe we can found a way you can come back with us"

"Well is settle then" you said sweetening your voice too. "Reg was it?" You said at the boy that still looked pretty confused "Lift with your knees son, some of those boxes are heavy" you pay him on the back and then look back at Conrad "Tell the rest of your men if they are actually surrounding us that we leave at 5" He was about to say something but you were not going to allow it "If I have to come back to America at least I'm going to finish my work first, one month tops, is all I'm saying" He nodded angrily and made sing in the air with his hand and suddenly another 4 men appear and started loading the truck.

You walk away from them back to your hotel furious about the situation, of course he was not really interested in you, he was being paid to lure you back home, how could you be so stupid? You got in the shower and turned on the hot water so you could wash away his touch from your skin, this whole day was a mistake, one you would never make again.

[dumdeeedum]

“The Magicians” Alice/Quentin/Eliot Love Triangle? Que? No, let’s stop the fuck right there...

I’m so frustrated with how bad Wednesday night’s episode of “The Magicians” was and with how bad this entire season has been, especially with how poorly they’ve handled anything to do with Alice, Quentin, and Eliot. I mean, generally I’m frustrated with how bad this show can be way too often but I’m going to try to keep my thoughts as organized as I can.

I want to preface all of this by saying that no, I don’t believe they’re still pursuing Eliot and Quentin because they’ve still given me no reason to. I just wanted to express my thoughts on these rumors of a love triangle and who knows, they might go that way, I don’t work there. I just know that for now they’ve set things up in a really poor way and I don’t see a true Eliot and Quentin outcome happening for a while if at all.

First I gotta reiterate this in case it isn’t clear: this is not a well-written show for me, it’s a fun show, to be sure, but not a well-written one. They have too few episodes to get away with the amount of dicking around they do and it’s clear they have no direction even when they have source material to draw from, and that’s a bad combination and a big problem. And those are just some of its issues.

A show like “Black Sails,” for example, had about 8 episodes per season and made good use of every minute of them because that’s how you tell the story you want to tell when you have limited time and can’t fuck around with filler. Very similar situation with the show “Spartacus” with a similar number of episodes per season to “The Magicians” and they wrapped it up in 4 seasons. But I tend to think 4-5 seasons is the limit before a show loses focus and goes downhill anyway. 

It has also become clear to me that Sera Gamble has no interest in doing anything progressive. She wants to be one of the boys, play the game and get ahead which is her prerogative but at this point people have to come to terms with the fact that she’s always been a White Feminist(tm) and quit fucking around like she gives a shit about equity for marginalized communities or even visibility. All of the bullshit to do with Sera Gamble has been known for years now, too, so I’m not even sure why anyone would be surprised that she sucks at this point. I’m sure she’s sitting somewhere right now unable to understand where she fucked up and why because she doesn’t have it in her to accept criticism and it shows. Last I heard she’s still going after people on twitter for not liking the outcomes of her dumbass decisions as a show-runner; bitch, grow up!

You know what would be truly radical in this series? Stop having these women live for these men. Julia is off losing her autonomy to a man, again, Kady is about ready to allow herself to die because she misses her boyfriend, Margo is ditching the plan to save her best friend over some super mediocre, joke of a man she can do better than without even trying, and Alice is once again in Quentin’s orbit and having nothing to do for herself. Yay, feminism? You’re fucking kidding me, right? 

And now I’m hearing people saying that they’re trying to set up a love triangle in season 5 between Eliot, Quentin, and Alice and I think the idea of this disgusts me more than if they’d just drop Eliot and Quentin as a pairing altogether after the massive fuckup that was the latter part of this season. How obtuse do you have to be to think a bisexual love triangle would be appropriate queer representation given our social climate? But here’s the thing, they’re playing on your intelligence if they do this, again, and I’m about to explain why.

Yes, it’s going to get lengthy because I’m going to be discussing the show from a social but also from a narrative standpoint, but you know me by now.

Don’t get it twisted, what they would ultimately be doing if they went this route is giving us even more straight representation while under the guise of bisexual representation given that Alice and Quentin are now back together, as a straight couple whether you think Quentin is bisexual or not. And that’s what matters when it comes to queer visibility. We’ve gotten straight Quentin pairings now from seasons 1-4 and they’ve yet to have Quentin explore any same-sex romantic partnerships or even fantasies other than the nonsense with Eliot because those were blink and you miss them moments. 

And here’s the insidiousness of all of this and I really want people to think about this: They would use this as an excuse to still appear as though they were doing right by their queer audience while once again only really exploring one facet of Quentin’s supposed bisexuality, the more palatable one, while ignoring the other, more taboo one and calling it bisexual representation. That is not good bisexual representation, at all, how can it be?

And god forbid you raise a stink over these poor attempts at representation because then you get accused of hating and bi-phobia and of erasing Quentin’s bisexuality and blah blah blah. And, really, bisexual, where? Where are we going to get this exploration of Quentin’s sexuality while he’s dating Alice again and Eliot is somewhere in the sidelines dealing with the aftermath of being possessed by a being who murdered people using his body? 

Can we stop with the intellectual dishonesty? Can we stop accepting these insults to the intelligence of the lgbtqa community? 

And no, don’t even pretend the idea of a poly-amorous relationship wouldn’t be a fucking absurdity given their history. Quentin and Alice broke up because Quentin fucked Eliot and Margo. One of the people involved in that betrayal would be one of the last people Alice would want to share her boyfriend with. And that’s if she would even be OK with a poly-amorous relationship to begin with because the idea seemed to disturb her when her parents were doing it and frankly, not everyone is poly-amorous, in fact, most people aren’t. 

Unfortunately, that’s just part of living in a heteronormative society where people, as a whole, just aren’t evolved enough yet to have explored other types of relationship dynamics because of the restrictions society has placed on them and it is what it is. The polyamory argument doesn’t even belong in the same space as the bisexuality argument because it makes bisexuality seem like a life choice as opposed to something people are born as. I’d say it’s less realistic, right now, to have everyone OK with sharing their significant others with everyone than to have a person identify as bisexual! Most people don’t have the self-confidence or the conditions to improve their self-esteem enough to even explore poly yet, and some people just aren’t into it and that’s their right, but I digress.

It just seems like everything that should have been happening in this season would instead be happening next season if they went this route and the only difference would be that they’d have made it palatable for their straight, homophobic audience by having Alice on Quentin’s dick the majority of the time they should be using to explore Quentin’s sexuality. When would they have time to give Quentin the important moments of introspection he needs to figure out whom and what he wants? Even his getting back together with Alice was very abrupt and didn’t seem like a well thought out decision on either Quentin’s or Alice’s part. Why couldn’t they just be single for a while if they were going to waste season 4 and work on this in season 5??

But this is just what they do by now because they can’t write a good romance. Straight shit gets put on the fast track in an absurdly unrealistic way, everyone’s in love in 5 minutes, smart, beautiful, boss bitch women date mediocre men when we’d never see it the other way around, and anything queer gets a couple of seconds of screen-time at best before someone is killed off, or they add a woman to the mix for no good reason, or we have to do a 50 year montage with no actual romantic intimacy to establish tha they’re even romantically interested in one another, blah blah, woof, woof.

Here’s a good question for those of you bi-Quentin-stans: None of you think it odd that while these creators kept alluding to exploring a canon male/male pairing with a bisexual character Alice and Julia, two women whom have exclusively dated men, have still had, to date, a longer, more sexually charged make out scene than gay Eliot and a supposedly bisexual Quentin ever have? Not to mention that the only time we explore Quentin’s sexuality in fantasy it’s some super fucking trite women making out for his pleasure fantasy.

No one thinks about why that is? No one thinks that perhaps it’s because depicting lesbian situations for the male gaze is a super common thing to do in media and is another one of those things that allows creators to pretend they have queer representation when really they’re trying to draw male views by exploiting the women of their series? It seemed pretty obvious to me as soon as I saw it but I haven’t fucked around with critiques of this shit in a long time and I don’t let this shit slide.

So now if they went the love triangle route in season 5 how would that work?

We’ve gotten a story line where not only was Eliot right that Quentin wouldn’t choose him when Quentin has the choice, but Eliot is going to have to come back and see this shit and deal with it on top of whatever massive trauma being possessed like this would inevitably cause. Do we really see Eliot saying anything to Quentin after that knowing what we know about Eliot’s way of handling shit? 4.5 leaves us thinking that maybe Eliot now sees that perhaps he shouldn’t have been so quick to reject Quentin and that perhaps Quentin would have chosen him and that Eliot wasn’t right to suggest he wouldn’t and yet here we are. And knowing what we know about Eliot would he try to get between that?

I actually think they’d done a good job closing the chapter on Alice and Quentin when Quentin told Alice he didn’t love her anymore and closed the book and I think they could have explored a really good friendship between them after that! That should have been when Alice and Kady did their own library thing and became more fully-fleshed out characters in their own right and when Quentin started exploring his own options and realizing he would choose Eliot even if at the time he thought Eliot wouldn’t choose him. Because this is something he should have been thinking about anyway!

There seems to be a pretty big issue that no one is considering about 4.5 and it’s a result of this ret-con having been handled so poorly so they couldn’t do what really needed to be done with the aftermath of it. The rejection conversation was really fucking poorly done because it was such a short, almost throwaway scene! We have Quentin get his memories back and immediately jump to wanting to be with Eliot and Eliot rejects him, for very good reason, in my opinion. Quentin seems a little bummed about it and then the scene ends. But from what we know about episodes 3.5 and on, Quentin hasn’t given it another thought. It didn’t even come up when he talked up Fillory to the plant so I really reject the premise that it was so traumatic for him to be rejected by Eliot that he didn’t even want to talk about anything to do with Fillory. Unless he’s even more immature than I thought it seems really unlikely that being rejected would eliminate all the other good shit in Quentin’s mind that relates to that lifetime, like, I don’t know, his fucking wife, his son, his grandchildren!? Miss me with that and stop excusing the shit decisions they make for Quentin in this show.

Was the idea here that they continue to go this route where everyone is expected to consider Quentin's feelings but he isn’t expected to consider theirs? Quentin has a habit of being inconsiderate dating back to season 1 (For Julia, his best friend, not getting into Brakebills was her punishment because she wouldn’t fuck him, Alice shouldn’t be upset that he cheated on her and Quentin doesn’t have to respect it when she tells him to back off, etc.) and the reasoning is always that Quentin’s got a low self-esteem and depressive issues but that’s not good enough now with 50 years of life experience under his belt. It’s especially not good enough when it comes to a man whom he’s known an entire lifetime through good and bad. So why didn’t they have him even consider what Eliot said to him and the validity of it?

Eliot explicitly says to Quentin that he knows Quentin so he knows how this would turn out, and Eliot was right! But somehow when Eliot rejects Quentin it isn’t incumbent upon Quentin to consider why Eliot would do that even though Quentin knows his own dating history and that he’d had a wife in Fillory? We’re just supposed to accept that Quentin just took the rejection at face value without even really listening to the wording or thinking about where Eliot might be coming from? Neither his nor Eliot’s problems or desires in the real world have suddenly disappeared just because they got their memories of Fillory back and Quentin knows that. Eliot made that point when he rejected Quentin, in a way, so isn’t there more to consider here? It’s especially egregious for this to be Quentin’s take away when we remember that Eliot didn’t have a husband in Fillory so Eliot was always there for Quentin and Quentin’s son and even Quentin’s wife in ways Quentin couldn’t be there for Eliot. How could it be as simple as “in the real world, you don’t do it for me” by Quentin? That’s just dumb.

A better scene would have had Eliot qualify his rejection to a man he spent 50 fucking years in love with so that Quentin could consider Eliot’s feelings on the subject before jumping to conclusions or even making a decision about them. And Quentin could have taken a moment to discuss Eliot’s insecurities if he really wanted to be with him or even just understand them. But instead the takeaway is more “poor victim Quentin isn’t special.” That’s just bad writing!

And what about Eliot? What does he get in all of this if they went the triangle route? Would they then allow him to explore a non-toxic relationship of his own or would he be sitting by like a dog and watching this shitshow of a romance between Quentin and Alice for however long it takes before they give us a sprinkling of Queliot? And who will be there to support him when his best friend is off fucking around with that loser Josh and Quentin is back with the girl that Eliot was afraid Quentin would choose over him? This effectively leaves Eliot alone to handle shit the way he’s always handled it and that’s just bad for his character after all the development he’s had. 

What kind of queer representation is this going to be moving forward? We barely got Eliot this season, will he just sort of be there next season and have just as little to do as he had this season? He has nothing more to do in Fillory so where will they stick him now?

Narratively, everything that’s happened post 4.5 has really fucked the ability for an Eliot and Quentin pairing to work unless they double time it in season 5 and I don’t see how they can when Quentin is with Alice again. The show-runners have really gone out of their way to erase anything having to do with Eliot and Quentin as a couple to the point where it makes 3.5 and 4.5 seem like alternate universe versions of the show that don’t fit into the rest of the series. It’s clear to me at this point that they’re trying to move past the idea of Eliot and Quentin as a couple so even a triangle would seem really bizarre in light of that.

I’m not seeing it, I’m really not and as much as I know people want to hold out hope that Eliot and Quentin will happen I just feel like at this point the show would be trying to run out the clock without giving them anything substantial the same way they did this season. Everyone’s obviously free to do what they want with that but realistically I would hold out and not give them ratings until we see if they give us something that isn’t insulting bullshit.

[niennavalier]

Okay I wasn’t planning on doing a DS9 rant post but here it is, under the cut in case I get annoying about DS9 and romance and Julian in particular

Okay, so I swear, the writers went into the show with this idea that Julian Bashir was gonna be this fresh-out-of-med-school brilliant, attractive doctor with charm to spare and something like this ladies’ man kinda attitude. Maybe (hopefully) not that sleazy, but still. And then it didn’t really work in season 1 in regards to Jadzia, so they dropped that storyline (thank fuck).

But then it’s so weird when I think they’re trying to kinda keep it alive through the show, except it literally never really works quite right? Even though the DS9 writers are legitimately good with writing the other romances on the show?? Kira and Odo? Absolutely adorable, I would die for them. Jadzia and Worf? Who would’ve that that’d work? Not me! But I’d die for them too!

(Yes, all of these characters have other romantic interests at times, some good - like Lenara Kahn - and others less so - Bareil is really boring and Lwaxana Troi DID NOT need to be there - but they also get these fantastic long-term stories)

Meanwhile, for my favorite doctor? I might be missing some but here’s what I could think of whilst typing: Melora was...sorta forgettable (I forgot about the episode until I was just scrolling through all of them). Technically fine but...forgettable. Leeta...honestly I never understood this pairing. I legitimately don’t remember ever seeing them get together on screen; best I recall, they were just together one day and we were supposed to just accept it. Which...whatever, I’m not a fan, and this pairing did nothing for either of them. Serena, I actually liked; they were cute together in that one episode, but at the same time I’m torn because I truly believe the writers made the right choice in that she had to experience the world for herself. For all the cuteness, I much prefer her discovering her own self-worth and think that’s better for her as her own character.

And then. There’s Dax. The first couple seasons? Awkward as fuck. No thanks. But then him and Jadzia become like, best science buddies! And he painfully third-wheels for her date with Lenara in Rejoined! And it’s like “wow now that’s true friendship right there”. And I loved that relationship so much! We watched Julian grow up a lot since the pilot, and honestly, him becoming best friends with Jadzia matched that change really well. Going from this kinda juvenile crush and strange persistence to a much more mature friendship. I mean, there’s one episode (which I can’t place at the moment) where there’s some crisis on the station and they’re hiding somewhere, she’s hurt, and they’re both freezing. And he’s holding her, and she makes some comment on how past-him would’ve used this as an opportunity to try and spark something between them. But present-him isn’t like that anymore, and watching as the audience, there truly isn’t weird romantic tension between them. It’s intimacy and familiarity and comfort without the weight of romance. And it’s perfect.

But then all of a sudden, the back half of season 6 starts happening, and apparently he’s always loved her? And it’s like...where did this come from?? You were doing so well, writers, what happened?? It just...suddenly brought back all the awkwardness of season 1, except at least this time, he’s not acting on it. So instead it’s just weirdly angsty and 100% out of left field. (Also Quark loves her, which is random but less concerning to me cause at least it wasn’t reviving an abandoned plot point, like with Julian) (The Quark point isn’t relevant, but I just felt like saying it)

And that whole thing just put the biggest pit in my stomach, cause I knew about Ezri joining them in season 7 and I was just like “nooo pleeeease don’t get him together with Ezri”

Apparently I just live to be disappointed.

Full disclosure, I actually haven’t fully watched the scene where they get together, but my roommate did end up coming upon a scene of them together in bed, and I’m not that stupid. Bonus: I’m about 6 away from the end, and that in itself is kinda concerning, because now I’m double concerned that it’s gonna be rushed even worse than I thought it would. Because, as of now, she has had barely any contact with Julian, outside of just being part of the senior staff (aka being a main character). I can honestly only actively remember them having one conversation, which just existed for her to say that if Worf hadn’t shown up, then Jadzia would’ve chosen Julian. Which...okay...what now? Worf didn’t show up until season 5, wtf is this about? If Jadzia was actually in love with Julian, she would’ve done something about it. Jadzia Dax is NOT passive about what she wants, and it’s what makes her such a joy to watch. She’s even willing to act against her own culture out of her love for Lenara, despite hesitation because yeah, that’s a lot of risk. She’s willing to leave her friends to be with the dude she met in that weird world that blipped between universes. She acts with her heart and without fear, even in situations where there are barriers stopping her from doing what she wants. There was never such a barrier with her and Julian, so yeah, no, if she’d wanted him - truly wanted him - she would’ve gone for it.

The scene only exists for them to try and justify putting him together with Ezri, and it SUCKS on every conceivable level.

(Also yes, I know they have some other, normal conversations, but they’re never particularly interesting or impactful, so I don’t remember them, and that probably says something in and of itself)

For one, their lack of conversation and just...general shared screentime is so small that I can’t buy the idea that the two of them actually know each other that well. Even if they did bond off-screen, thus far, the show itself never actually gives any evidence of that while they ARE on screen. They have the same level of chemistry that Julian and Kira should have (although, strangely, the characters have much better chemistry than their screentime would seem to indicate but...well they were married IRL so...yeah). Friendly colleagues, but that’s really it. And yet, he’s gonna fall in love with her?

I don’t think so.

He’s in love with Jadzia (apparently. but that’s a different complaint, seen above). He’s in love with a past life of the Dax symbiont. That past life just happens to be contained now within Ezri, and it’s the only conceivable reason I have for why he’s interested in her at all. Realistically, had Ezri Tegan never become Ezri Dax, I doubt Julian would’ve had the same thoughts about her. Granted, people can meet by circumstance and fall in love - I’m not shitting on that idea - and I’m not implying that Julian is a dick by any means, but the show itself doesn’t give us any reason that he would fall for her. Like...what traits of Ezri does Julian find himself attracted to, aside from the fact she was once Jadzia? I don’t think the show ever actually gives any answer to that question. She may carry some shades of Jadzia’s habits and idiosyncrasies and such, because that’s how joined Trill work, but she’s also very much still Ezri. And, for the sake of her character, that should be really important? So, frankly, it’s actually just...really insulting to Ezri? That she’s not loved for who she is, but who the Dax host was. And that’s honestly just awful.

And I actually just thought of this while writing this post and complaining about that one conversation, but it also sucks for Julian a bit, too? Like, the way Ezri phrases that one line - “If Worf hadn’t come along, it would’ve been you” - it feels to me like he was very much the second choice. And...would that not feel awful to be told that? Basically that you were someone else’s back-up plan. I mean, I can’t speak from experience, but I can’t imagine that feels good. And plus, now he knows that Jadzia apparently had those feelings for him, which Ezri now carries with her. Which...wouldn’t something about that just feel wrong? These aren’t Ezri’s feelings exactly; she’s just stuck with them. And Julian is fundamentally a good person who has some idea of how the Trill work; wouldn’t this be a little like he’s...not quite using her, but allowing her to act on feelings that aren’t actually, truly hers? So the situation ends up being that she might not really love him, not as Ezri, and that would really suck for both of them.

Granted, that’s not to say she couldn’t decide that on her own; she totally could, but the show hasn’t laid the groundwork for that. And it’s also not to discredit feelings that linger from past hosts. Jadzia and Lenara are drawn to each other because of Torias and Neilani, but they also do legitimately fall in love with the people they are now and bond over their shared interests in their present forms. Honestly, the show even makes this distinction? When Ezri and Worf are stuck together, they definitely sleep together, but the show makes it fairly clear that it’s pent up tension from the two of them not talking, combined with the fact he and Jadzia were newly married. I’m pretty sure they decide it’s not really something to pursue; it was just what happened out of old instincts, not out of actual love between the two people actually involved.

Mostly, I take issue because of the first sentence of that last paragraph. The show just never sets it up. If it showed her and Julian having chemistry, I’d have far fewer complaints about this. (For fuck’s sake, I think she had a deeper conversation with JORAN. THE MURDERER. Than she really did with Julian. Now that’s a problem)

Long story short: they really shouldn’t have kept trying to shoe-horn romance in for Julian. All of his stories work better without, particularly in the long-term. The chemistry is just...never there with his long-term potential partners the writers throw at him. He really does have the best chemistry with Miles and Garak. That’s all fantastic.

(Which is to also say: I get that it was the 90s but I really wish we could’ve gotten our disaster bi doctor and his lizard spy boyfriend. Just saying)

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 111 Thoughts

If this chapter doesn’t have forty pages of chibi Eren wandering through the woods asking where his nii-san is, what even is the point.

(The point is Drama.

Intrigue.

Fluid.)

Thanks, I hate it?

So yikes, we have a proper ballgame going and everything is awful leading into the ninth inning. It’s going to be extra innings with Paradis’ chief closer out of commission, up against their rival team. Truly one for the record books, people.

First thing is actually first, where the manga, in a fit of hysterics, gives me something I wanted: Numbers.

Over a hundred people have joined Eren’s side, deserting their posts. The suspicion is that they’ve done this out of the belief that the people with the power to rain down armageddon are maybe the safest shadows to hide under, and hey, with all the waffling their government has done about solving the problem of the whole world wanting them dead, why not?

For the larger groups, everything makes a simple amount of sense.

Eren has power, so people gather behind him.

Eren has power, so Paradis will yield to it for the sake of survival.

It’s a bit of a horrifying story, and one that I always take some joy in seeing. There comes a point where individuals have so much power where the only thing stopping them from changing the world however they see fit is their own boundaries.

Whatever Eren’s boundaries are, they’ve changed. He’s willing to kill children for the sake of his mission.

He is the most powerful card Paradis has, and without him, they have nothing.

Leaving them stuck doing whatever he wants them to.

It’s a similar tactic to the one he uses to drag the Survey Corps into his massacre; they need Eren, so they have no choice but to come support him in the choices he’s made as an individual. Everything else falls away in the face of the power Eren wields.

Yeah, the head of their government has been assassinated by his cult. Along with several other lives.

So?

Does that fundamentally change anything?

Does Paradis somehow need the Founding Titan less now that their command is facing disarray?

For a story so often pointing out that if you don’t fight, you can’t win, it’s pretty damn... something that the main character has all but removed the ability of a party he’s allied with to fight. They can’t resist him, and he knows it, and he’s exploiting it at his convenience.

Putting Zeke’s location on the negotiating table is cute, and a nice stall tactic in theory, but for all that Pixis says it’s not submission, Paradis is powerless.

If they don’t conduct rumbling experiments, they have no protection against the world.

They can’t conduct rumbling experiments unless they let the Yeager Bros come into contact.

If the Yeager Bros come into contact, they can do whatever the hell they want.

Which they have already been doing, so picture all of this, only more.

Pixis’ decision is really the only one he can make if he doesn’t want their people at each other’s throats. They can’t publicize how their one and only hope is willing to dismantle their government. They can’t publicize that they can’t trust their military to be acting in the interests that the government puts forth.

There’s a delicate balance here, with the balance being a complete lie because security has already toppled off and discovered that there’s no net below.

Their only prayer is someone swooping in and placing a trampoline down below before the crushing fall is completed, and there’s no guarantee of even that much happening.

If Zeke and Eren don’t want to help, no one can actually force them.

Zeke is one of two living humans in the world who can power the Founding Titan.

Eren currently has the Founding Titan.

They can’t kill Eren outside of a controlled environment, or else the Founding Titan will go who knows where. With Eren’s pile of abilities he’s nommed, fighting to subdue him will be next to impossible. With the added limitation of doing everything they can to avoid killing him?

Armin brings it up as a point of faith; if Eren has the Founding Titan, it shouldn’t matter what Zeke wants out of it.

Eren now has a cult who doesn’t blink twice at assassinating key government officials. Even if it doesn’t matter what Zeke wants, what Eren wants, or is at least willing to put up with, is heavily alarming.

“No, no, we’re not submitting. We’re negotiating.

What do you mean the only thing we have is something we’d have to hand over anyway to get what we want.”

Like.

Hell, man, talk the good game all you want to keep morale up, but you people and your entire society now rise and fall at the whim of a man who has put no effort into making himself look trustworthy.

So, you know.

Ganbatte.

Other special numbers include thirty soldiers + Levi standing in between Eren and Zeke once Eren finds Zeke, Hange, and three unnamed soldiers who are either about to be very dead, very traitor, or the coolest NPC badasses ever.

Meanwhile, Eren still has a hundred.

Just trailing around after him.

With bombs.

Considering Eren could kill most all of those people (except Levi and Hange) without help, I repeat the theme of this post that Paradis is so beyond screwed it has actually become laughable.

Another fun thing of note that only I care about is that even if Eren can’t get to Zeke, he might be able to get to Historia, and Nile appears to be in charge of her security.

The reason only I care about this is because Nile is in charge of her security, and Nile has been fed the story of Historia and NPC Farmer Guy being totes in love 5evr.

(NPC Farmer Guy has no name and no face. I declare him Red Shirt-san, and also reallllllly fucking dead. Especially if my crack theory of the carriage from last chapter rushing off to Historia was correct, meaning that Pieck, theoretically having tracked the carriages, is going to pay the Queen a visit.

Bye Nate.

(his name’s Nate your canon is invalid))

Briefly defending my descent into self-interest, Historia getting zero panels and barely any hearsay about her is driving me nuts for all sorts of reasons.

Two people (count them, two), in the entire world, are capable of drawing out the power of the Founding Titan. One of them is an untrustworthy dick. The other is Historia.

Historia, when last seen under extreme emotional duress, was of the opinion of, “fuck humanity titans did nothing wrong.”

As we can plainly see from her expression at the end of 107, there is nothing but blue skies and happiness going through her boundless considerations of humanity now, and she is most assuredly, definitely on their side as all of her friends ditch her in the middle of the woods and never visit or mention any concern for her except that one guy who has taken up murdering children, and he possibly did that in active defiance of concern for what problems it might cause her.

What could possibly go wrong.

There are about three people who hold the fate of Eldia in their hands, and we know what none of them are thinking. They also all have a much more casual relationship with murder than most of the rest of the cast.

What I’m trying to say is that Paradis your politics are boring because your livelihood hinges on three catastrophically emotionally damaged people, and all of the story’s energy is going towards keeping those people away from thought bubbles or general illumination.

If Historia, Eren, and Zeke decide that you guys die............ you die.

You possibly should have invested more in strategies that weren’t so entirely dependent on renegade children following orders.

Okay okay, enough pointing and laughing at the futility of government in shounen. Mikasa! How you liking your entire page of dialogue! Does it feel good? Does it make up for the gaping hole Eren being a nutcase is causing?

Of course it does!

I don’t know how I feel about Kiyomi, but I am glad that her relationship with Mikasa is so obvious in its self-interest. Mikasa isn’t being yanked around; she knows this person caring about her blood hasn’t translated to caring about her people.

Whatever Mikasa’s genes, Paradis is her home, and she considers herself as Eldian as anyone on it.

What’s interesting in that conversation is that Hizuru is still doing what it can to avoid being an ally of Paradis. They’re letting this one clan mess around, but unless results can be produced, the whole scheme is dead to them.

...

You know. Paradis had better start hoping that there’s still some massive secret to the Titans, because with the current knowledge available, they are just... so incredibly screwed on so many different levels.

I’m inclined to think that Kiyomi wanting Mikasa safe is one of the few shreds of honesty she has left. I’m an optimist. A child connected to the days of honor long gone... hey, it’s a romantic concept, even conniving foxes can have one last hurrah in them.

But also, Mikasa just doesn’t deserve people piling more lies on her.

A promise to protect someone calls to her heart. I’m sure Mikasa has thought those words to herself many times; whatever happens to Paradis, her priority has always been her family. Not a blood family, like Kiyomi holds on to, but one bound to her with ties of steel.

Only now her family is at odds.

Mikasa might care more about her family than anything else, but in practice, she’s a compassionate, responsible young woman. She can’t turn her back on the world just because her family has. She’s going to bleed herself dry trying to do the best for both of them.

That’s not a happy thought, because even if Mikasa, with all her strength and ability, fights for anyone in this conflict with all her heart, the concept of winning is a far off dream. Her supernatural gifts don’t make the world turn. Her gifts simply mean she might survive when everything around her explodes.

Yuck.

And also hey, Connie, I love you man, but you turn those angry eyes away from Mikasa pronto.

Then we’ve got the many trials of Nicolo.

Featuring Gabi and Falco.

...

I don’t wanna. I can skip this part.

Uggghgghghhgh.

Hell, this is a lot faster than I thought this disaster would come out, and it’s a lot grimmer than I really want and in general just ow.

Nicolo is a prisoner of war. He is allowed to cook. He finds light in cooking for people like Sasha. He’s Marleyan, and Eldians are devils, but being around them, his heart softens to them, and his role becomes something more complicated.

As a soldier, fighting the demons of Paradis is just what you do.

As a person, fighting people like Sasha, Jean, and Connie...

With a heavy heart, he can hand off laced wine to their superiors. He can continue to operate as a soldier fighting against Paradis. But the very thought of Connie and Jean being caught up in that sends him into a panic, and he falls back on racist rhetoric to cover it up.

Rhetoric his heart isn’t even in anymore, because more than killing, Nicolo finds himself in cooking. In bringing people happiness.

And Gabi killed the person who shows him that. The person who gave him solace from the hell of war.

It doesn’t matter that she’s a child, or a Warrior Candidate, or anything but the person who killed Sasha.

She cares about Falco’s life. That comes to stand as another condemnation of her. She knows what it is to care about someone? She’s valued enough that this boy is willing to jump in front of a blow meant for her?

Did she think the person she killed wasn’t?

It’s destructive and awful, and Gabi finally has a defense for herself that isn’t just brainwashed rage at the island. That girl? The one she shot? That’s the girl who shot someone she knew. Guards who watched over Warrior Candidates training, in charge of penning up Eldians, but they were still people Gabi saw a home in.

She can’t justify the loss of Sasha, but she can justify shooting back, especially at someone who just clubbed Falco in the head.

But she’s still just a brainwashed child.

Sasha’s father watches two people, profoundly touched by his daughter, ripping each other apart because they’re in pain. Sasha changes Nicolo for the better. Sasha and her path in life is what’s breaking this child.

A child is calling his daughter a devil. She’s been brought into this conflict and all she sees is the enemy, and the good there must be in fighting that enemy.

Gabi doesn’t even try to fight back when Sasha’s father holds up the knife.

She’s bleeding and in tears, and for one of the only times, she isn’t reacting with violence. She’s just a stunned little kid, wondering if the people who’ve fed and housed her on this island of evil are about to kill her. Like she killed the daughter they loved so much.

Of course the man who raised Sasha doesn’t lay a finger on her.

Of course the man who has to physically hold down his child to try to force her to stop eating so she won’t die of starvation later understands how hard the world is.

Horrific things have happened.

He isn’t going to bring one more into this world.

And Gabi... from the very start, she’s been the most passionate about becoming a Warrior. She’s going to follow in her cousin’s footsteps. She’ll commit war crimes, she’ll take on a death sentence, she’ll do whatever it takes. She’s a Warrior.

She’s a kid.

She doesn’t want these kind people to hate her.

Kaya reacts the same way Gabi has to everything so far. She charges in with the only weapon she can find, trying to kill the problem because the emotional strain of what’s actually going on is too big for her young heart to take.

Kaya, who really has been kind. Who’s the reason they’re here. Who’s been trying to get her and Falco home.

Kaya’s in tears, and Falco’s unconscious and bleeding.

All because of what Gabi’s done.

Nicolo sees the same thing.

That’s why he comes clean.

The world is such a cruel place.

They’ve got to spare the beauty where they find it.

I’m not going to touch that plot bomb, because the manga can do it for me in future chapters. Zeke having a bunch of government officials drink his spinal fluid is honestly on par with every other thing he’s done, so. One more point to the Paradis Screwed column.

So last word goes to Mikasa.

I mentioned in the chapter where Louise and Mikasa talked that Louise had seen Mikasa’s strength impact her life, but completely missed the kindness behind that strength. Mikasa is terrifying as a soldier. She’s cold and relentless.

As a person, she will ask the child who killed her friends to see her wounds, and hold her close to keep another child from hurting her.

Mikasa is kind.

Gabi has met so many good people on this island, and all of them are in tears.

It’s funny and sad that Mikasa and Armin take her into the back room to calm down. For all their lives practically, they’ve been looking after a reckless wild child who gets into fights they have to finish for him.

Gabi is as driven and passionate and full of anguish as Eren as a child, and now she’s with two of the people who know that.

Armin and Mikasa might not know how to help Eren, but they can help this little girl.

And Mikasa can keep another little girl from knowing what it’s like to knife someone in the back because they killed someone you love.

Welcome to Emotions.

Where everything is absolutely awful except maybe the people feeling them.

[spamano-secretvalentine]

Snake Charmer {gift}

To: @offshootavadonia / @avadonians

From: lluviadinoche / askitaliaromano

NOTE: You asked for an AU so I give to you a quality Pottertalia oneshot with to dumb gay teen wizards. (also, if you are not familiar with my work, I use the name Lorenzo not Lovino). I hope that you like this :)

Word Count: 2,863

Warning: Profanity

“Son of a biTCH! MY SHIRT!”

He was frozen in that moment, staring straight ahead at the man screaming at him in Italian and looking red enough to compete with the Spanish flag painted on Antonio’s face.

“How the fuck do you manage to spill your fucking face paint all over my shirt? Are you bat shit fucking blind?”

Well fuck. Antonio didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t speak English and he was barely grasping a damn word that this man was saying. He spoke Spanish, German, French, he knew Latin and Italian. But not English. And frankly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to speak to this man yelling at him.

“Are you gonna say something?” Francis asked from next to him, “He screamed in Italian so I think it’s safe to say he probably speaks it.”

“No se. I don’t really want to try and talk him. He looks like he’s going to rip my dick off if I speak.”

“Eugh, you’re French,” the man scrunched his nose upon hearing the two speaking to each other.

Francis clearly took offense, gasping dramatically and shouting at Antonio to hit him. But Antonio pushed Francis back and tilted his head, laughing hysterically. He wheezed and eventually let go of Francis, simply howling in amusement.

“Dios mio! You’re such a dumbass!” he snickered, watching the man’s face twist in confusion at the sudden switch to Italian.

“You speak Italian?”

“No no,” Antonio shook his head, “I’m just speaking in Italian to you to let you know that I clearly don’t speak Italian.”

The man’s lip quivered a bit before he burst into laughter, snorting in the middle of his amusement.

Antonio shook his head, “You have a fucking filthy mouth, you know? And apparently a terrible prejudice against the French. You’re more of a dumbass than anything, you know. This is the Spanish flag on my face, shortie.”

“I dunno. Maybe you just like the team.” the man said with a shrug, “And call me a dumbass one more time and I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Kick my ass? Chiquito, you can barely reach my neck,” Antonio chuckled, clicking his tongue.

The man gasped the most dramatic gasp Antonio had ever heard in his life. Hell, this man was even clutching his chest dramatically despite the horrid red stain that was smeared all over the once green shirt. Eyes shot wide open, he went silent and Antonio waited, expecting a terrible insult from him that he could shoot back at.

But instead, the guy burst out laughing and collapsed back into his seat. He was snorting in between his laughter. It was absolutely horrid. Yet, Antonio listened in awe and watched this man who had been yelling at him seconds before laughing hysterically as if they were joking like a pair of friends.

“I’m sorry. I know we were having a bitch fit there, but that was the gayest gasp I have ever let out and I felt like I was acting in a soap opera for a moment.” he snorted again, laughing at his own ridiculous laugh, “Why do I even care that you fucked up my shirt? I can easily clean it or just get a new one.”

Antonio raised his brow, a half smile on his face. He didn’t notice Francis trying to talk to him since he was far too invested in the guy in front of him with an ugly laugh and the cutest wrinkles in the corner of his eyes when he smiled.

“If you’re not planning on yelling at me again, I might as well introduce myself. Antonio Fernandez.”

“Vargas. Lorenzo Vargas.”

Antonio’s mouth went into a small ‘o’ as he reached out to shake his hand. Lorenzo looked at him knowingly and grinned proudly. Perhaps he should have picked up that this was a Vargas. He was the spitting image of his grandfather and he didn’t shy away from appearing in the news.

“A pleasure to meet you, Vargas. Now, what was this about that being the gayest gasp that you ever let out? Is the prized Vargas son attracted to men?” he asked.

Lorenzo gasped and pulled his hand away, folding his arms over his chest, “Are you flirting with me? Weren’t you just calling me a dumbass a few moments ago?” He had a point. Antonio had been rather irritated. Yet, the banter kinda attracted him. It was refreshing and it filled him with a sense of glee. Not to mention the way that he laughed was absolutely adorable in his eyes despite it being so absolutely horrendous. He might as well have listened to the recording of a dying cat because that was what his laughter reminded him of.

“Maybe, but I’m also a very sad gay man and I am also very very poor.” he laughed as he said the last part, watching Lorenzo’s eyes light up with amusement for a moment before he pushed Antonio’s shoulder gently. There was a delicate smile that grew on his face, it spread crookedly, but Antonio was a very helpless man and he practically melted.

“A gold digger, huh? How attractive. I’m just falling at your feet.” Lorenzo rolled his eyes, slouching forward.

Antonio shoved his hands in his pockets, “Who knows? Maybe you actually are attracted to me. Though the question is whether or not I am willing to date someone who goes to Hogwarts. Especially a Slytherin.”

Lorenzo gasped again, a hand flying over his chest, “How dare you! I am a proud Slytherin and I will defend Hogwarts til my dying breath! Tch, you act so high and mighty. I bet you go to Beauxbatons.”

From behind the bickering pair, Francis’ eyes widened and he huffed angrily, looking ready to strangle the both of them. But Antonio did not see, he was far too invested in the Vargas gem who truly was much more wonderful than he allowed himself to be viewed. A bit of a jackass really, but actually kind of funny and very interesting to challenge.

“What’s wrong with Beauxbatons?” he asked with a tilt of the head. His hair fell in his face and his eyes stared at Lorenzo who stared back with the same passion.

That snake, the way he looked at Antonio like some sort of pet. He shrugged gently and stepped forward, inches away from being pressed against his chest, “What isn’t wrong with being from Beauxbatons? It’s French.”

“Antonio, I am going to murder the little demon. Stop flirting and crush him! He’s tarnishing my honor!”

“What have you got against the French?” Antonio asked.

“What haven’t I got against the French? I’m fucking Italian.”

Antonio snorted.

Neither of them (nor Francis) seemed to notice the people staring at them from all around. This was rather concerning considering they were at the Quidditch World Cup and they should have been watching the game. But no. Instead, Antonio was ready to ask the man whom he had been arguing with out on a date and Francis looked ready to pounce (or cry) from the “dishonor” inflicted by a man who didn’t even look like he was 5’6 and sounded like the biggest twink Antonio had ever met.

Though to be fair, Antonio was pretty gay and this was a situation where he was allowing himself to fall victim to The Homosexuality™.

“Well,” Lorenzo said, putting his hands on his hips, “Unless being a Hogwarts student who is a Slytherin is too horrifying and terrible for you, I’ll be here until Monday.”

Antonio grinned, “Is that a date offer?”

“If you want it to be, sure.”

“Antonio, do not run off with the enemy!”

He was not listening to Francis. A shot with someone like Lorenzo Vargas? Antonio was taking that shot. It had nothing to do with his wealth or status, that was just a side thing that he found funny. Truth be told, Antonio was rather interested in the stupid arguments that they could get into. If all it took to calm him down from a messy shirt was laughing at his own reactions, Antonio wanted to be around him more to see what other things got that sort of reaction out of him.

“You don’t mind lowering yourself to someone from Beauxbatons?”

Lorenzo shrugged, “I think I’ll manage.”

Francis was practically screaming from behind Antonio while the people around them slowly began to lose interest and went back to the game that they had come to watch. But these two wizards kept their gaze on each other. With soft smiles on their face and this playful look in their eyes, it wasn’t hard to tell that they really liked each other (much to Francis’ dismay).

Even if whatever this moment was didn’t last, Antonio wanted to spend his time getting to know Lorenzo properly. He was funny and cute and Antonio was a weak man for that ability to go from angry to laughing in a few seconds. He knew that he wanted to get to know him; he could tolerate one Slytherin.

“Can you tolerate a Hogwarts Slytherin?” Lorenzo asked, plopping himself back in his seat.

“I think I can tolerate one,” he replied.

“I’m conflicted  between supporting this romantic endeavor or murdering you in cold blood for wooing the man who spat on my culture and living.”

“Does he realize I can understand him?”

“Nope.”

Lorenzo shrugged and went back to talking to Antonio.

The two clicked in this way that sparked this light in their lives. Antonio didn’t know if it was the joking rivalry, the way Lorenzo later stained his shirt as revenge for the ruined one he was wearing, the ability to poke fun at each other, the subtle flirting in between their convo, or the fact they missed the entire game because all that they could do was talk to each other because they were the most fascinating part of the night in each other’s eyes.

They didn’t even know who won.

What Antonio did know is his tiny teenage stomach did flips with every light touch that Lorenzo gave him and that awkward laugh that was too loud and too animated. Even if this fling was temporary and he and Lorenzo went on to simply be friends, he didn’t mind so long as he got a chance at all.

Neither of them noticed when the game had ended and Francis draped himself dramatically over the seat next to them, waiting for them to quit flirting and notice that it was time to go. Where were parents when you needed them to interrupt this shit?

“We’ve been talking a long time, but you never did tell me why the Vargas family ended up in the UK.” Antonio said as their night drew to a close.

Lorenzo sighed, “Well, Italy isn’t exactly the best place for magical people with the Catholic Church and all. And yeah, most people don’t really believe in it or attack us anymore, but enough do that my grandfather took us away and it was right about when I was old enough to go to school. When Romeo got hurt, we ran out as fast as we could.”

Antonio fell silent.

He forgot about things like that.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching and putting his hand on Lorenzo’s arm. Lorenzo looked up at him with the softest, most genuine smile he had seen that night, and sighed.

“It’s alright. You don’t usually think about these things and I don’t talk about them.” He brushed it off so quickly and as if he didn’t care.

“You must miss Italy though.”

Lorenzo’s breath hitched and he clutched his arm, holding on tight as he looked away, “….Terribly.”

There was a heartbreak Antonio (and even Francis) had never seen in his eyes. It was as if his entire world was plucked away and he was left attempting to stand bold while he crumbled apart. It was odd how that worked; the way a person could go from laughing to crumbling and shattering in the matter of a few seconds. But, it was that change that convinced Antonio he truly wanted to be a part of Lorenzo’s life. Yeah, he had little to nothing to offer; the fact was that he was poor. Yet, Antonio wanted to give him the world and life and laughter.

“One day, I’ll take you there.”

The moment he said it, his face went red, realizing how stupid he sounded. Lorenzo came from the Vargas bloodline! They could go back whenever they wished, they didn’t need empty promises from some teenager with no money to his name.

And yet, Lorenzo looked up at him with big eyes, as if he had offered him more money than a king could offer.

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

Lorenzo kept staring at him, his face burning up and the awkward teenager in him pouring out onto the floor, “You’re so fucking gay.”

Antonio laughed and shook his head gently, “Yeah. But I’m going to be honest with you, I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

“Even my date for tomorrow night?”

“Especially your date for tomorrow night.”

After giving each other their info and agreeing on where to meet the next night, the two sat there and just stared at each other. They didn’t need to say anything to feel like they were having the most intimate conversation. It drove the reminder that they were teenagers who went to schools far apart with little chance of maintaining a stable relationship, but for that moment, just the fleeting second, the world was theirs and none of that mattered.

It didn’t last long. Soon the crowned Vargas himself walked in. He was as big and bold as Antonio imagined. He radiated power and it was funny to see him so bold and strong next to Lorenzo who was not exactly weak or fragile, but definitely much smaller.

“Lorenzo, there you are! Come, we’ve been looking for you so we could leave.”

“In a minute, old man. I’m having a moment.” he said.

Antonio’s eyes widened even more. He expected yelling or anger, but Romulus simply rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Cute, but we have to leave, boy! Come on. You can flirt with the guy tomorrow.”

Lorenzo groaned and threw his head back, “Ugh! Let me be gay!”

“No.”

He gasped dramatically staring at his grandfather with the fakest pair of puppy eyes he or Francis had ever seen—which was really fake considering Antonio was king of the puppy eyes game, “I always knew you didn’t support my pursuit of men!”

“Boy, I am just as gay as you are, don’t start.” his grandfather shot back with a chuckle.

Antonio was stunned. He hadn’t known that about the Vargas family. No wonder he was the prized grandson; he truly was the image of his grandfather (albeit not as muscular).

Lorenzo laughed a little and shook his head. He looked to Antonio and shrugged. It wasn’t like he really had a choice. Antonio understood that and he understood that he respected his grandfather’s words.

“Tomorrow night?” he asked, grabbing his hand as he stood up to leave.

Lorenzo looked back at him with large eyes and a slightly opened mouth. It curved into a big, dorky, goofy grin and he nodded, “Tomorrow night. Don’t leave me hanging or I’ll have to hate Beauxbatons forever.”

“Aw,” Antonio smacked his leg with a faux look of disappointment, “Now I have to go.”

Lorenzo rolled his eyes, that smile still on his face despite his deepest attempts to bury it from sight. he waved him goodbye and ran off with his grandfather who appeared to be cheering him on. Antonio watched them laugh and push each other as they left, Lorenzo chasing his grandfather after he said something that Antonio assumed was embarrassing from the way he put his hand to his heart.

As he watched them leave, he felt like a large spell finally released him. He was no longer in this moment of sublime where the sky was filled with reds and oranges and the simple words that were spoken shook him to the core. Now it was reality where the sky was dark, people were leaving, and all there was to prove that Lorenzo had ever existed and had not been a figment of his imagination was the ink on his arm.

“So,” Francis stepped in sitting next to him, “You’re flirting with the enemy.”

“Hell yeah, I am.”

The two friends walked out and Antonio thought about the warm feeling in his stomach that spreading to every other part of him. For once, he wasn’t a poor kid nor was he someone with no opportunity to find someone to love. He was Antonio and he was flirting and he was content.

A million little thoughts of what could happen and the things that could develop swarmed through his mind. He took one last look behind them to Lorenzo who was still chasing his grandfather and smiled. Yes, he liked this guy and he couldn’t wait for their date.

“Wait, who won the game-?”

[deli-counter]

dad i want you to answer all the questions

Truly marry me 1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yeah it was my bff so I believe it was 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Yeah I'm only 19 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? ??? The fuck kind of question is that 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Sure cause I'm conditioned to do so you know 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No one knows the dude I'm talking to cause we don't run in any of the same circles so that's delicious and good 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? No I've literally old heard the iZombie theme song 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? A 20 year old shirt that says "Jamba Man", some old red underwear, and shorts I think my sister wore in 9th grade 8. How often do you listen to music? Daily I guess 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? I don't own sweats cause they are not flattering at all u know 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? Can't wait for 2013 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? Mix 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Yes 13. What about ‘R’? Nope 14. Can you drive a stick shift? Nope 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? I mean yeah.... it doesn't change my whole life but I obviously hate it 16. Are you going out of town soon? Yes actually 17. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes but not romantically 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? I've always green eyes but I think my brown ones suit me 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes! My dad and Matthew my bet friend 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I dissociated and had night terrors 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? YEEEEEESSSSS23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Yes!! I hope to! 24. What are you sitting on right now? My bed 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Like two close friends of mine 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yeah of course 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My mamma probably 28. Do you get a lot of colds? Yes I am sick all the time 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? My mamma 30. Does anyone hate you? Yeah for sure 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? I don't drink 32. Do you like watching scary movies? Yes and no??? I'm a wimp with anxiety but I do love the idea of horror 33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Nah 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? This year 35. Did you have a dream last night? Yes, more specifically a PTSD night terror lol 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Before bed I think 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Yes, I mean I hope he does cause we're talking 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe? Like maybe a second grade teacher just randomly thought of me or something I dunno 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? No 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Nope 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? My mom and sister probably 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes 44. What’s the best part about school? Acting class!!! 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yeah of course46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Oh hell yeah I'm in college and I still do 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yes every day 48. Were you single over the last summer? Yeah I went on a few dates but nothing serious or real 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No and I hate it 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Sleeping probably 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Not at all 52. Are you nice to everyone? lol no53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah it sucks 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yeah what the fuck I'm not terrible 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? No not really 56. Do you think you like someone? Yes! 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Yeah like 2 or 3 ppl I think 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Girls!! 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yeah probably.... all of them?? 60. Do you hate anyone? Yes one person more than anything in this world and I genuinely wish that he is murdered in the most painful way every day 61. How’s your heart? Wounded, not to be a dick 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? YEP!!!!!!!!!63. Have you ever cried over a guy? YEP!!!!!!!!!64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Lol I won't say here!!! 65. Are your toenails painted pink? No the fuck 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Probably 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? I mean I hate seeing people cry if they don't have to but it does say something to see someone vulnerable 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Probably my dad 70. How do you look right now? UGLY !! 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yes, my immediate family and that's it 72. Can you commit to one person? Yes very much so 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Matthew and my dad 74. Have you ever felt replaced? Yes of course 75. Did you wake up cranky? Yep 76. Are you a jealous person? Yep 77. Are relationships ever worth it? Maybe? Every relationship has literally physically and mentally destroyed me and damaged me beyond repair so lol 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Yep 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Omar!!💙80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Get the fuck out of my bed and do something instead of cry 81. Last person you cried in front of? My mom and my mom's friend 82. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes of course 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I dunno if we're there yet 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Cuddling and sleeping hopefully 85. Are you over your past? Nope 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yeah and it ended like FUCK!!! Don't date your friends especially if you can't trust em!! 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Not at all 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Never had a first love 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yeah it was for a show, meaning it was elam, and I love that kid 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yeah 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? I hope 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Sure 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Just in the heel cause my best friend's name in Matthew 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? No 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I didn't like anyone 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yes!!!! 97. Who do you have texts from? Omar is the only unopened one right now 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Okay fine that's life we're not serious 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? No one 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? No 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? SO often. Dude I get butterflies reading the right fanfic.

[kalamitis]

also ty and cam and wan for the oc name/bio ask thing!! or just. pick one of the three if all three is too much

Ty

Full Name: TY-4400 TyberiusGender and Sexuality: Male, polysexualPronouns: he/himEthnicity/Species: Toydarian/Human hybridBirthplace and Birthdate: Toydaria, Guilty Pleasures: alcohol and fighting instead of talking about his problemsPhobias: super soft sheets/clothing, silks, What They Would Be Famous For: liberating / stealing slaves from their masters and setting them free on unaffiliated planetsWhat They Would Get Arrested For: piracy and in general being an assOC You Ship Them With: K and RuxOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Del *eye emoji*Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Sci Fi / action / murder mysteriesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: “bad boy gets the girl in the end despite being a total dick to her the entire time”Talents and/or Powers: is in general good at negotiating, mostly because he is ruthless in his pursuit of freedom. He is also a great actor in the modern au, and has insectoid wings on his back due to his species (which means he can fly). He also has extremely light weight bones and thus can fall from great heights without breaking anything.Why Someone Might Love Them: he’s a charming person, and in general A Good, just super chaotic in how he gets there. He has his cause and he fights for it.Why Someone Might Hate Them: when it comes to those he cares about, he is one track minded to the point that he doesn’t give a shit about you or what you’re threatening to do. That’s his family. Don’t mess with him.How They Change: He goes from being this hotheaded kid to this haunted husk of a man to this captain of a ship full of lost people, making the galaxy better one slave market at a time.Why You Love Them: Ty is just. So amazing. He takes his trauma and makes sure he makes other people’s lives better. He tries his best to comfort others, even when he (inevitably) fails to put himself first.

Cam

Full Name: CamrenGender and Sexuality: nonbinary, demisexualPronouns: they/themEthnicity/Species: black / IcariiBirthplace and Birthdate: September 28thGuilty Pleasures: taking care of her cat / tentacle demon Bubby, eating an entire tub of ice cream, playing guitar, singingPhobias: caring for others, letting people get close to them, showing affectionWhat They Would Be Famous For: Brooding^TM, leaving the Sith despite almost being named the next InquisitorWhat They Would Get Arrested For: breaking and entering, stealing, and in general doing awful things because they think that’s what “rebellious teenagers” are supposed to doOC You Ship Them With: this is fucking embarassing Geht and Arley and RhellOC Most Likely To Murder Them: at this point I’ll let anyone do it. fucking end their suffering. Rhell? Caez? Ruiner? fuck ANYONEFavorite Movie/Book Genre: romance novels and horror/suspense moviesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: “he was misunderstood! who cares what he says he was nice to you! give him a chance!”Talents and/or Powers: Cam’s Force is very strong when it comes to manipulating people’s minds, to the point that when they have a breakdown and don’t know how to cope, their Force takes control of whoever is closest and has them comfort them until they gain control again. They can control up to eight people at once, and they never feel any ill effects of it in their body, it’s all mental. In the modern AU, Cam has a thing for hypnotism, and if you get them to talk about it, they’ll show you what they learned at the magicians camp they went to when they were young.Why Someone Might Love Them: They’re a good person, deep down, but because of all they’ve gone through they rarely smile. Still, their personality shows through in key moments - when Bubby comes up and demands attention, when they play piano, when they’re trying not to laugh at one of Arley’s lame jokes, when they’re around Rhell, when they’re watching Ziggy be himself or listening to Geht sing, - and they’re... good. I can’t explain it further than that because Cam doesn’t see themselves that way.Why Someone Might Hate Them: They are entirely 100% self centered. And they know it. They went through their abuse and were told they were nothing, so they focused on themselves once they were out of it. They’re also generally not that expressive, so a lot of things seem to leave them unimpressed, despite how they truly feel. This attitude tends to make it seem like they think that they’re better than everyone.How They Change: Cam is slowly... getting better. When they first quit their theatre major / left the Sith, they were in a bad place. All they knew is that they wanted to get away, wanted to get out, wanted something else. It took them a bit to figure out what they wanted, and they wanted their past to never happen to anyone else. They wanted to take down those who would enslave the last of a race and then train them to be evil. Why You Love Them: I love Cam because Cam is... just. A person who will not be forced. They will not be forced into a binary. they will not be forced into happiness. they will not be forced into ignoring their trauma or acting okay. Cam will be miserable because in a way they have earned their misery. Will they get happiness, of course, but not because their misery makes you uncomfortable. Not because you think their smile is more attractive. They will get happiness because they deserve it.

Wan

Full Name: The WandererGender and Sexuality: N/A, pansexualPronouns: she/her, they/themEthnicity/Species: succubi / fae / shapeshifterBirthplace and Birthdate: The Faerie Court, 1675Guilty Pleasures: As a succubi, Wan’s guilty pleasures include seducing people into giving her things, and torturing information out of demons. They love watching the life leave a demon’s eyes, even if she only sends them back to hell... at least it means she can send them back again later.Phobias: Wan doesn’t have many fears except perhaps losing the humans she formed The Lost with, her little pack of city based demon hunters. What They Would Be Famous For: for summoning and torturing those who should be “too powerful for a single succubi to handle” in her search for the demon who killed her parentsWhat They Would Get Arrested For: casual murderOC You Ship Them With: STASIUSOC Most Likely To Murder Them: StasiusFavorite Movie/Book Genre: They’re really into romantic comedies, tbhLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: “We’re a big happy family and nothing bad could happen OH NO A TRAGEDY but it’s okay the last one standing is going to be a Good and Find Out The Mystery and Go To Avenge but are Stopped By Their Morals” Talents and/or Powers: Wan is amazing at summoning and fighting. She shouldn’t be as good as she is, but you know what. She is. so.Why Someone Might Love Them: They are literal perfection. they get self righteous and angry and will do anything in their power to get what they want. They’re completely ruthless in it, and don’t care who gets hurt between point A and point B.Why Someone Might Hate Them: read: Why Someone Might Love ThemHow They Change: Wan was, at first, the perfect princess. She was at least two centuries younger than the youngest royal fae, wide eyed at the world and smiling. Then the demon happened, and she started training to fight him, all the while dating Stasius. Then, she vanished. six centuries later, she and Stasius meet again, but this time, Wan has The Lost.Why You Love Them: Honestly? I love Wan because of what they don’t tell me. Wan isn’t even their name. I call them Wan because their name is The Wanderer. They’re going to find who killed their family, and they’re going to destroy them. That’s how that’s going to go. And if they fail, they’ll just keep trying until it’s done. I love their ruthlessness, I lvoe that they have no actual form becuase they’re a shapeshifter, and their true form is a void with eyes that can and will consume you whole and leave not a trace. I love that she gets starry eyed around angels but will still rip out their wings if it brings them closer to the demon. I just. I love Wan.

[requiescat-aria]

Sympathy for the Devil | Testimony 2 | Chapter 5

Jim remains quiet, other than another two taps of his cane on the floor. This time, the sound of a screen door rusting on its hinges squeaks into your ears from the other end of the house -- a back door opening, and heavy footsteps following.

The sound of coming home is a matter of perspective, you realize; sometimes it rings like the sound of an intruder.

Another figure stands in the doorway.

Jules looks at everyone in the room in turn, then at his own hands. The realization of what is happening dawns on him as he looks down at his own dead body in the chair. He looks perturbed for a brief second, then deflects and gives his own corpse a wink and double fingerguns.

"Hey there handsome."

He then sees the chaos and carnage in the trial room, and Ryuji bleeding from his head. 

“Man, I wasn’t enough? I got you rearing to go for more? All up in your murder jibblies? Do you want me to kiss your booboo to make it feel better Ryuji?”

That loosens him up even more, and he cocks his head back and starts laughing, the palm of his hand pressed against his forehead.

“Well, that’s not my problem anymore I suppose. So, this is it, huh? End of the line? You hear my final sad words and thoughts and then I become a puddle of goo and am forgotten? Maybe tears of regret for the people I've killed?"

Julio's head snaps back down and he gives a steely glare, with a wicked smile on his face.

"Well, too bad. Because I don't regret any of it. Not a single one. I gave them a chance to stop me, every time, and they were outsmarted by me each time. And even if I was generous and count someone's petty opportunism as beating me, I still win. 22 to 1."

His smile widens.

"That's right. 22. I murdered Jinghei Jia. Maybe I can talk about that in our last little chat here?" He takes a step towards Ryuji and cocks his head. "Maybe you want to hear about how I did it? The rush I felt as I snuck behind her with a garrote and wrapped it around her neck, pulling as she thrashed and choked and tried to break free? I was in it so much I didn't even notice her stab me. Not that she hit me anywhere important, or that it mattered in the end."

"You know exactly what that sensation is like though Ryuji, you've been in my memories after all. It was the most fun I had in months. It'd be more fun if I was, y'know, still alive. But we can't always get what we want, can we? Maybe you can share that with everyone else when I'm done. One last little favor for me."

He then turns to Enji, and squats down, with his chin on his hands and his elbows resting against his leg. He's still all smiles.

"And you were never subtle by the way, 'darling'. But being the kind and generous man I am, I figured I'd spare you the embarrassment. I hope you can still find happiness despite my best efforts." He blows a kiss and winks.

"Want to know what her last words were, Enomoto?"

There's a cold, mocking tone in his voice. As long as he keeps talking, he keeps being able to exist. If everything ends here, he's going to make sure he won't be forgotten.

"Do you think she was crying out for you? Or for Ryuji? Or her dear sibling Mingzhu? Who do you think Jinghei was begging to save her as she flailed around kicking and screaming?"

Julio then makes a bunch of fake choking and gagging noises, tilting his head to the side and putting his hands over his neck while his tongue is lolling out. He continues this for a good ten seconds, not breaking eye contact with Enji the whole time until he lets out a loud gasp, then stands back up like nothing happened.

"There you have it. Her last words. Hopefully that brings you peace."

Stepping back towards the middle of the room again, Julio puts his hands in his pockets and looks up the ceiling. He's making a point of not looking at anyone as he addresses the next person.

"And you. You know who you are, you son of a bitch." He huffs and furrows his brow. "How did it feel? Did you watch as I drank my espresso, not knowing any better? Did you feel that glee, that ecstasy as my fate was sealed and I didn't even realize it?"

"How did it feel seeing a man die over several minutes, right in front of you, by your own hand? Knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop you as you took his life? The pain he was in? His futile struggle as he tried to power through it? Seeing him refuse to give in, but knowing it was inevitable?"

"I bet you enjoyed it, didn't you? You little freak. You are the kind that'd like that part of it. Me? Well, I always preferred to end someone's life directly. Out of respect, really. And that gives you a rush no matter what. But it wasn't what I was primarily doing it for. That was more... an aperitif."

"But the real question is, what about after? What did you feel after I was gone, and everyone was scrambling in confusion trying to find out what the hell even happened? And you got to sit there quietly knowing, your name is not even on everyone else's lips?"

"How did you do, huh bud? Did you worm your way out of this one? Did they even suspect you? It felt good when you led them down false trails and in circles, didn't it? When they tore their hair out in frustration?"

"That? That's the beauty of the game. And I know that you're more like me than you would care to admit, my dear friend. I know that you, of all people, will understand the game in all of its glory."

This makes him start laughing again. He pinches the bridge of his nose some, and still refuses to look at the person he's addressing.

"You better not have cracked. I won't forgive you if you crumpled up like a sheet of paper and sang in front of everyone. You better not have started boohooing and begging for mercy and putting up a sob story, you piece of shit."

"If you got away with it - and I truly hope you did! - then that's my parting gift to you. Now you know. And now nothing else will feel quite as good. It'll never be the same again. You are going to walk down the same road I did, whether you want to or not. It may not be right away. It may be months. Or years. Or maybe when you hit your midlife crisis. But mark my words: you will feel the urge again. And you will kill. And it'll feel even better the second time. Because you stooped to my level, and you're a changed man."

"Enjoy~"

Slowly, the smile fades from Julio’s face though, and becomes something more somber. He does have things to say to people who matter. First, he turns to Kousuke. 

“You understand now, right? This is why I didn’t want to let you bloody your hands. You become a monster like me. Obviously in my state I don’t know if our plan worked but…” He sighs, and fishes for a nonexistent cigarette pack before resigning to put his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m not someone you should mourn. Someone you should hold the flame out for. You’re better than me. No matter… no matter what happens Kousuke… forget about me. Focus on you, your happiness. Be yourself, unconditionally. Not what others want you to be. Live for your own sake. Feel for your own sake.” 

“...which I guess goes counter to my whole ‘oh don’t cry for me’ shit, don’t it? Well, if that’s what you decide to do I can’t stop you. Just… If you’re gonna, give that piece of shit Hiromi a kick in the dick for what he did to you. Two. One from me and one from you.” 

His voice gets even more somber, more monotone. “As pathetic as it sounds Kousuke, I actually think you were my first true friend. I had family, acquaintances, people I was close to, a husband… but there was always a wall between us. Even before I became like this just a fundamental barrier that kept me from being genuinely myself with them. Being truly, unconditionally open without fear of being rejected. They all were close to a barrier I put up. But I guess, Idunno. Maybe this is what having an actual functional family is like.”

“I enjoyed getting to experience that at least once. Thanks.”

Unsure if he can physically interact with people in this state, Jules settles for giving Kousuke a thumbs up. 

“I don’t have much to say for the rest of y’all. Nori- sorry I didn’t get to help you with what I promised, at least not as much as I had wanted to. Aki- grow a fucking spine and stop with the whole hurting romantic bullshit. I will haunt your ass if you keep that shit up oh my God. Evelyn- ...girl I’m genuinely worried for you sometimes like please think and maybe count to ten before you do headass shit like eat makeup and charge into walls. Please.”

“Masaji… I didn’t end up needing it I guess but thanks for helping me with peace of mind and all. I hope… I hope you get to see your daughter again at least. Truly.”

“Ricardo… I have nothing to say to you.”

“And Irina… I think you’re from the States, right? There’s a law office in Orlando, Ortega & Sisko… if you can reach out to a man there named Joe Ortega… he’s my cousin, and was my Divorce Attorney. Let him know I’m… gone. And that I kept everything under Cameron’s name. He should be able to get in contact with them with that. If you could have Joe convey a message to Cam…”

“Don’t tell them about… what I was. There’s nothing they can do with that knowledge, it’ll only hurt them. But just… let them know that Julio Reyes is sorry he couldn’t be more honest with them. He’s sorry that he didn’t appreciate them enough. And that… all he wants is their happiness.”

“And tell Rose Cordova… her dad is sorry he never got to see her grow up. Be there for her. That he’s sorry his absence will cause so much hurt in the future… and that even though we’ll never see each other, he knows she’s going to be incredible at whatever she puts her mind to. And that he loves her.” 

He’s quiet for a bit after that, but still doesn’t disappear quite yet. Instead he turns to the last person he has words for- Jim. 

“If I… if we succeeded in our plan. The Boss’ little incentive… they never said I’d have to be alive to benefit from it if we overcame the majority. So if they didn’t find me guilty, then send Kousuke Watanabe back to the land of the living. And if they did figure it out and we failed then uhh, go fuck yourself I guess Jim. Long and hard.” 

Finally he starts fading away. Maybe Jim is pulling the plug realizing Julio is stalling for time to stay un-goo’ed. He gives a little salute motion, and grins. 

“Anyways, I’ll be seeing you in your nightmares. Don’t cry too much when I’m gone.”

Though he’s already started to fade, your eyes are once again too heavy to keep open for a split, dark second. The screen door slams shut, and the doorway is empty when your eyes open again.