#try not to write about mike falling asleep challenge FAILED

[biblio-smia]

humbly requesting dad!mike,,, like literally anything. this man is so tired but he’s such a dad type of tired if you get what i mean

OH MAN,,,, YEAH! i hope this was what you were looking for!!

the sun beats down on mike through the thick glass of his windshield, forcing him to pull the sun visor down. he inches forward in the car line - he really should just put the car into park. he's half-distracted as someone behind him honks and it takes a few seconds for mike to realize it's at him, mumbling an apology that will never be heard as he pulls up.

mike needs a recharge. he's surprised himself over the years, watching as he has become the type of person that gets energized from being around others instead of from being alone like he had been for years.

although, this seems to only apply to family - mike still can't stand being around strangers for too long but can feel his battery be replenished the minute he's home.

mike watches as a teacher helps a smaller kid into the car in front of his, watching the parent turn back and make sure the child was buckled up before driving away. mike finds himself smiling and it's his turn now. he can feel his demeanor softening, the anticipation to see a piece that would make him feel a little more whole again rising in his throat. mike smiles at the teacher who leans close to his car, examining the numbers on the tag that dangles from the rear view mirror, quietly memorizing them while she goes back inside to find the child with the matching number.

but she comes back empty-handed. mike tries not to frown but his heart is beginning to race as he rolls down the window, only faintly aware that he is holding up the line.

there's a brief conversation between mike and the helpful teacher who tells mike his child has already been picked up, eyes glancing to the car behind him. mike gets the message, though he'd like to ask for her to just double-check, pulling into a parking spot out of the way of others. his teeth catch the inside of his cheek as he thinks, thousands of thoughts milling around his head.

his nokia begins to ring and mike answers it haphazardly. he blinks quickly once he hears your voice on the other end.

"hi," you start, sweet as ever. "are you almost home?" there's a natural curiously in your voice, the end of your sentence dipping up in question. mike glances at the time - yes, he'd usually be home by now.

"uh," mike starts, a warm feeling settling over his cheeks, suddenly seriously considering that maybe today wasn't mike's turn to pick up his kid. "yeah, i'm almost there."

there's a bit of silence as you hesitate, waiting for an explanation from mike that doesn't come.

but then you pipe up again and mike can hear the smile in your voice. "10 minutes?"

"less," mike promises, saying goodbye with a kiss he wishes he could be placing on your lips rather than against the speaker of his tiny phone.

mike seeks you out quickly, stopping you from pulling out plates for dinner with his strong hold around your body. he presses his lips lazily against your jaw, tickling your skin, voice low as he greets you a little tiredly.

you don't have the chance to ask where he's been before a small body coming racing over, wrapping around mike's legs and asking him for you.

"what took you so long?" a muffled voice whines and mike has to crouch down and wrap his warm arms around his child to begin soothing that tiny frown. "you're usually here early on tuesdays."

"tuesday," mike muses quietly, picking up his kid as he rises. "today's tuesday..."

you can't stifle your laugh, pressing kisses to both heads and placing two different hands on two different backs

"i think daddy got confused about what day it is," you grin and mike tries to frown.

"you need a calendar," the small voice chimes again, this time muffled from against mike's shoulder.

a laugh bursts out of mike and he moves to move the little body from his arms to a seat at the dining table. "yeah, i think i do," he admits with a smile, walking back over to the kitchen to help with the task he'd interrupted.

mike listens intently about a fight that had happened on the playground, another in the cafeteria, and about spilled paint in art class, stories told through bites of food and details clarified by questions thrown in by you and mike.

it's mike's turn to clean up while it's up to you to wrangle the little one into the shower.

mike loses himself in his thoughts again, mindlessly wiping bits of food off the counter, not realizing you were calling his name until he feels his back-and-forth motion of his hand come to a halt.

"hey," you call, voice as affectionate as ever. "where's your head?"

mike looks into your eyes and blinks for a few moments, before sighing and burying his face in the crook of your neck, seeking the comfort of your familiar scent. "i don't know," he groans and you quietly try not to laugh.

your apologetic hands come up to soothe him, touch against his back soothing his muscles. he picks up his head and looks at you, at your eyes and the curve of your nose and how it comes in to become your mouth. he stares at your lips quietly before pressing his own against them, feeling his body fully relax at the connection.

"ewwww!" a familiar voice shrieks but mike, at this point, is immune. he lingers in his spot for a few seconds, not quite wanting to let go but unable to continue without oxygen.

there's soft laughter from you and mike, reminders that it's time for bed making the smallest person in the room even smaller. then an idea strikes.

"can i sleep with you guys tonight?" the quiet voice pleads hopefully, hands clasped and eyes wide.

you and mike exchange a glance and small smiles. mike scoops the child up, nodding. a deal is struck and small cheers are made.

your kid jumps onto bed enthusiastically and you're worried the energy won't wear off by the time you all need to sleep. you and mike are careful climbing into bed, cautious of the small limbs that lay sprawled out. mike smiles as he feels his arm get pulled by a smaller one, feeling your hand and grinning when he looks over to see you've gotten the same treatment.

there's pleading for a bedtime story and you and mike take turns, adding in new bits and twists - though you have to take over as mike's words begin to turn into incoherent mumbles.

"keep going," mike manages to get out, half-asleep, shifted in his position so his arm is protectively thrown around the two other bodies with him, the tiniest one humming in agreement. your words are soothingly sweet, lulling not only your child to sleep but mike, too.

you comply, continuing to tell the now nonsensical story to a partially unconscious audience, purposefully leaving long bits of silence between each of your sentences. mike's fingers will tap against your waist occasionally, signaling to you that his brain has not fully drifted off just yet.

it only takes a few more lines. you pause your words again, lie still to wait if there's a tap, listen closely to the sounds of quiet breathing. your eyes are adjusted to the darkness and see two pairs of eyes closed, two sets of chests rising and falling.

you're careful not to move too much, pulling the blanket up higher.

"goodnight," you whisper softly, hoping maybe your message will make its way to them in their dreams.

the warmth of two bodies next to yours and the gentle rhythm of breathing take you out quickly, dragging you into the same state as those around you.

throughout the night, the three of you entangle yourselves even more, arms wrapped around torsos and small hands clutching onto the soft fabric of pajamas.

there's really nothing quite like it.

requests for mike schmidt are open!

[marvel-and-mischief]

🎄December Writing Challenge🎄

Day 29- Blankets - Llewyn Davis x GN!Reader

Warnings: a little angsty but it all works out for the better Words: 1129

December Writing Challenge Masterpost

It was the simplest thing to take for granted. Being warm and comfortable, loved and looked after. For Llewyn, that was what a blanket symbolised. 

It was the love that went into the thick woollen blanket his grandmother knitted for him when he was born, that he would carry around everywhere he went as a toddler, drag behind him through the dirt of the garden and the food crumbs on the kitchen floor. He remembers the night before his first day of school, six years old, about to fall asleep with that blanket in his hands when his mother came and sat beside him on his bed. 

“Llewyn, you know you’re going to big boy school tomorrow,” her voice was always sweet and soothed him down to his bones, but there was something in her voice that night, telling him that what she had to say was very important and there was no room for argument, a sternness that made his heart quicken and the grip on his blanket tighten. 

“Big boys don’t have baby blankets,” his mother had whispered, smoothing back the curls of his hair until he fell asleep, tears falling onto the pillow he laid his head on. He never saw the blanket again, and for weeks afterwards he would cry himself to sleep, wishing he wouldn’t have to grow up if it meant keeping that blanket. 

When Llewyn received his first pay check from his and Mike’s ‘If We Had Wings’ record sales, Mike had asked him what he was going to splash the cash on. A nice car to cruise around New York in? A celebration party with his friends from The Gaslight? Llewyn had smiled secretively, not wanting to admit what he really wanted to buy. 

A fine, cashmere blanket in the window of a fabric shop had caught his eye. It had an orange and red tartan pattern, long white tassels along all four sides, it screamed high quality and he imagined all the evenings he would wrap himself up in it, guitar in hand, creating music in his new apartment. 

He felt so proud of himself when the cashier handed it to him over the counter, wrapped in delicate, white tissue paper and held safe in a fancy blue branded bag. For the first time Llewyn felt like he was making a mark on the world, he was going places and this blanket was proof of that. He was leaving the old Llewyn behind and moving onto bigger and better things. 

When Mike died Llewyn lost everything. Not just a best friend, but his sense of purpose, his self confidence, and with that went away commercially sellable music which led to him being kicked out of his apartment. He sold most of his belongings but he kept the blanket, carried it around in his guitar case where it was safe, as a promise to himself that things would get better, he just had to wait it out. 

Things didn’t get better though, and Llewyn had to use the blanket for its intended purpose, when his coat wasn’t sufficient in keeping him warm during his homelessness, and then before he knew it the blanket was dirty from park benches and the rain had ruined the silky soft quality of the cashmere. He had to throw it away eventually, along with any hope that his life would improve. 

But it did improve. It took a few years of Llewyn pulling himself up, surrounding himself with supportive friends, rebuilding his relationships with his father and sister and eventually his career was taking off (again). And when he was doing better he took care of himself, he was happier in himself, he socialised frequently and more often than not had a smile on his face. 

With a roof over his head, food in his belly and a regular income from his record sales, he put himself out there and came across you. 

Llewyn didn’t want to say that you filled a hole in his life (heart) but with everything else in his life going well, he had began to turn to the one thing he didn’t have. If he was being honest with himself he was afraid. Relationships had failed spectacularly in the past, the emotional abuse he’d faced from Jean had sworn him off anything serious for the rest of his life. 

You had been patient with Llewyn, offering friendship and kindness and nothing more if he didn’t want that with you. You met up for coffee often, spent your days off being tourists in the city, sat for hours in the park either in silence or making small talk between bites of sandwiches or having deep conversations. It didn’t matter because being with each other was easy. It didn’t feel like effort, there wasn’t a nervousness between two people that hardly knew one another, there wasn’t a need to fill silence, you were both happy to just be in each other’s company. 

That’s when Llewyn knew what you two had was special. You didn’t start off dating, or sleeping together, you were friends first and anything else that came from it would be a bonus. 

Llewyn had invited you to his apartment for the first time a few months into your friendship. He wanted to try out his new material on you and needed your honest opinion. He had just put the kettle on when you knocked on the door. Hurrying through his apartment, a skip in his step and a bright smile on his face, he was pleased to see it was you, bundled up to protect yourself from the Winter weather, a bag in hand. 

You kissed him on the cheek in greeting and removed your layers before following Llewyn into the kitchen where he made you a hot drink. 

“I got you something, a housewarming present,” you motioned to the bag you had placed on the island, a Cheshire Cat smile on your face as you waited for Llewyn to unwrap his present. 

“You shouldn’t have,” Llewyn’s smile was bashful, unused to receiving gifts from anyone. He pulled open the top of the bag and peered inside, the gift wrapped in copious amounts of tissue paper which he proceeded to rip apart to get to the present itself. He paused when he saw the blanket, folded up neatly at the bottom of the bag. He ran his fingers over the wispy material, soft against his calloused fingertips. The dark blues and blacks would fit nicely with his apartment, he thought. 

Llewyn’s eyes were watery when he looked up at you, and your smile dropped momentarily before he pulled you into a tight hug, keeping you in his strong arms until his tears had passed and the coffee had gone cold. 

Permanent tag list: @autumnleaves1991-blog 

[clumsyclifford]

What about peace by Taylor swift? I don’t have a specific ship I jsut like that song

hey babe it’s been a minute since you sent me this but i knew when you did that it was gonna be mashton and i just needed to be in the right headspace and finally i’ve written it <3 i fucking love this song so i hope i did it justice !!

ao3 link!

-

Michael is tired.

It’s late, really late, so maybe that’s why; maybe it’s just the weight of the darkness, tugging at his limbs, wearing him out. Maybe a good night’s sleep would fix it, but Michael doubts it. It’s not that kind of tired.

No, this tired is deep and abiding. It’s been there for a long time, and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere anytime soon. He’s tired of having his guard up, tired of hiding his face behind real walls, his heart behind figurative ones, tired of blinking camera flashes out of his eyes. Tired of reading about himself in the news. 

Tired of pretending he’s not tired.

In his arms, yawning, Ashton is sleep-tired. Michael can tell. The night is pulling at them both, and in a few minutes Ashton will probably fall asleep. They’re not tired for any reason except the hour; the day had been relaxing, easy, comfortable. Michael loves relaxing evenings with Ashton, eating pizza and cuddling in front of the TV, when the biggest stressor is trying to guess who will get eliminated from whatever shitty reality show they’ve put on. For a few hours, Michael gets to forget about his baggage, about the madness that is his life; sometimes Ashton will try to carry the burden, but on days like these he manages to vanish it completely, for just a little while.

But it’s back, now. And Ashton has been around for long enough that Michael figures they should at least talk about it. Ashton deserves a warning. If this is going to become anything, anything at all more than it already is — and Michael has his doubts, because inevitably every time he’s ever gotten close to anything more it’s crashed and burned before him — Ashton should know what he’s getting into. 

Before Michael can say anything, though, Ashton murmurs, “You okay, Mike?”

Michael sighs. Trust Ashton to know. “Why do you ask?”

Ashton tilts his head to look Michael in the eyes. “I don’t know. Your…vibes are different.”

Michael huffs a laugh. “My vibes?”

“Yes, your vibes,” Ashton says stubbornly. “They’re off. What’s going on?” He kisses Michael’s shoulder. “Thinking hard?”

Michael inclines his head. “When am I not?”

“True,” Ashton says, smiling gently. “About what?”

About how this relationship has an expiration date, Michael doesn’t say. He worries his bottom lip and avoids Ashton’s eyes. About how badly I want you to stay, and how likely you are to leave when I tell you the reality of my life. Ashton’s eyes will trip him up, because they’re so earnest, so sincere, and Michael will forget about his stupid fucking hangups and just say, like, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met or I love you I love you I love you please never leave or even just nothing, let’s go to sleep.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” he says carefully. “Nothing bad. Well. Nothing bad about you.” 

Ashton frowns. “Okay,” he says.

Michael closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. “So, um, obviously I love you. So much. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met, and I — I don’t know how my luck is this good after everything, that I found you, that you…want to be with me, but.” Another breath. “But you have to know that this isn’t going to be, like, a normal relationship.”

He pauses. Ashton says, a hint wry, “Yeah, I figured.”

“Okay, but you’re not — fuck, I don’t want to sound arrogant or anything here,” Michael says, pressing the heels of his palm against his eyes. “Like, I’m really…famous?” He laughs a bit. “Yeah. I’m really famous.”

“I know that.”

“And I’ve taken a lot of shit in the past, and like, whatever, I can get past that, but…the people who are in relationships with me take a lot of shit, too. Without fail. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has had at least one scathing article about them. No matter what I do, it always happens. I can’t stop them writing about my life.” He opens his eyes finally, and he looks over at Ashton, whose face is unreadable. Michael doesn’t like that; Ashton wears his heart on his sleeve, most of the time. “You’ll never have peace with me, Ash. I can’t control that. So you just should know that.” He swallows. “I’m sorry.”

Ashton looks mildly alarmed. “Why are you sorry? Are you breaking up with me?”

“No! No, no, fuck no,” Michael says quickly. “I’m sorry that we can’t just be a normal couple in a normal relationship. I’m sorry this won’t be easy, I’m sorry that it has to be this complicated. I’m — I’m fucking sorry that being with me comes with all this fine print. You’re incredible, and I love you, but you can’t be flying blind here. I’m giving you the chance to —”

“To leave?” Ashton says, in a strangled voice. “You think I’d leave because it’s hard? All relationships are hard, Michael.”

“I’m not saying they’re not,” Michael says firmly. “But this one is hard in a really atypical way, you have to at least admit that.”

“Every relationship has challenges,” Ashton says. Michael opens his mouth, but Ashton beats him to it. “Okay, I get it that this is different. You’re one of the biggest pop stars in the world, and I’m just some bloke from Australia. Yeah, it’s not the same, but whatever. I love you. We’ll figure it out.”

And if we don’t? Michael thinks, but looking at Ashton, he can’t bring himself to say it. “That’s the thing, though, you know? You’re not just some bloke from Australia. Not to me, but also not to them. You’re going to be Michael Clifford’s boyfriend.” Bitterly, he scoffs, “His latest boyfriend. Latest in a string of failed relationships, is probably what they’ll say.”

“Fine,” Ashton says, and his voice sounds like steel. “Michael, you have to know I don’t care. I don’t care. They don’t know what we know. They’re not here with us.”

“You say that now,” Michael says.

“And I’ll say it forever,” Ashton interrupts. “Michael. I love you. That’s the only thing that matters to me, okay? Everything else we’ll deal with as it comes. That’s how every relationship is.” He cradles Michael’s face in his hands, palms as warm as his voice when he speaks again. “I don’t want peace, Michael. I don’t want easy. I want you, whatever that takes.”

Michael stares at him, but Ashton doesn’t waver. “Okay,” he says quietly. “But if you change your mind —”

“Stop,” Ashton says, and Michael falls silent, always at Ashton’s whim. “You’re telling me all the reasons this relationship won’t work. What about all the reasons it will? What about the reasons it does?” He holds up a finger. “First of all, I love you.” A second finger. “And you love me. So that’s already two reasons.”

Michael bites his lip. “Yeah. True.”

“Third,” Ashton says, “I’m an excellent cook, and you’re awful at it. So you need me around.”

A laugh escapes off Michael’s tongue despite his best efforts to stop it. “Hey, now.”

“Fourth, my siblings would probably kill me if I broke up with you,” Ashton says, putting up a fourth finger. Michael giggles. “And I enjoy being alive. Don’t even get me started on my mum.”

“My mum would kill me,” Michael agrees.

“Fifth,” Ashton says softly, lowering his hand to link it with Michael’s, “I am hopelessly in love with you.” Michael feels himself blush, feels his heart rate pick up even though it’s not the first time Ashton’s said it. Ashton always makes his heartbeat feel like a drumroll. “So whatever happens, happens, but I’m not going anywhere if I have anything to say about it. Rain or shine. You’re far too important to me for that.”

Michael wonders if it would be wrong to cry, or if Ashton would take it the wrong way. He doesn’t cry, but it’s a close thing, so instead he presses forward, capturing Ashton’s lips in his own, trying to say me too without having to actually say it, because to say it wouldn’t feel like enough. Two syllables can’t adequately express everything Michael feels about Ashton, now and forever, but maybe Ashton will understand anyway. Maybe Ashton will just know.

“I don’t know how I got this lucky, but holy fuck, I am so glad I did,” Michael breathes, pulling barely away, leaning his forehead against Ashton’s. “You mean the world to me, Ash. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Thank you,” Michael amends, because that’s what he means anyway. “Thank you for — fuck, for everything. For hearing me out. For still being here. For being the best fucking person I’ve ever known.”

The corners of Ashton’s mouth pull upward. “I’ll accept that. And thank you for trusting me.”

It had never been a question, whether or not Michael ought to trust Ashton, to love Ashton. From their first day, Michael had been sold; to fall in love with Ashton had always been a question of when and not if. “Look at us,” he murmurs, “communicating like mature adults. If only the press could see us now.”

Ashton laughs. “You don’t want that.”

“No, I don’t.” He can’t avoid it — neither of them can — but Michael can pretend, just for now. This moment, with Ashton, can be their secret. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Ashton echoes. He presses another kiss to Michael’s lips. “And I’m tired, and I can tell you are too. Stop thinking so hard for tonight. Go to sleep.”

There’s nothing Michael wants more. “Okay,” he says. There’s a rare, unfamiliar feeling settling in his chest, his bones, as he shifts his position to fully embrace Ashton, brushing a kiss to the back of his neck. 

As Michael falls asleep, Ashton’s heartbeat under his hands, he realizes the feeling is peace.

[blue-collects-things]

The Losers Club + Singing

Warnings: Swearing (shocker), very brief mentions of Bev’s asshole father being an asshole, light homophobia and racism

Requested: Not implicitly

Author’s Note: This got real long so I’m just going to put it under the cut (like usual) but I really enjoyed writing this! I’m working on part 4 of YWISC, I promise, but until then, take these peace offering headcanons. *shoves this post towards you and runs*

((i’m so excited for this one!!))

🎶 ben 🎶

ben only sings if he’s 100% certain he’s alone

he won’t even sing in front of his mother, that’s how embarrassed he is

one time, bev caught him singing new kids on the block and he was red for a solid 20 minutes

she subtly drops hints around the other losers for a while just to see how red ben could get

his voice is decent, but there are songs he can totally nail if he tries and it sounds amazing

when he was little he was in his church’s children’s choir

he secretly wants to be able to serenade bev like in all the musicals his aunt is so fond of

he was dared once to sing karaoke at the restaurant the losers went to

he absolutely refused to go onto the stage alone

so mike went with him and didn’t take it seriously

ben thought it was hilarious so he went along with it and just sang

when he gets his own car at the end of sophomore year, he turns up the music he listens to as loud as it can go while he sings

only if he’s alone, of course

when he’s with his friends, he lets them pick so he doesn’t have to hear the comments about his music tastes

he likes to sing in different languages because it presents a challenge and he wants to be fluent in a ton of different language

like honestly, he gets super into k-pop when it becomes popular

but his favorite languages to sing in are italian and french because they sound pretty (romance languages ya know)

when he gets into a new band, he gets into a new band and learns literally every word to every song even if it’s not his favorite

🎶 bev 🎶

bev can’t sing for shit but that doesn’t stop her

the boys: please stop, i beg of you

bev: la la la i can’t fucking hear you

however ~however~ she can rap like nobody’s business

when hamilton comes out, she knows that shit better than lin-manuel miranda himself

she can do the entirety of guns and ships in her sleep

when her and richie go smoking, they open all the doors of richie’s car and turn up their music full blast

they scream all the lyrics and dissolve into fits of giggles

bev is actually a little self-conscious about her voice

her father always made her sing with him when she was little

and he would say shit like “mmm could be better” or “wow that was awful”

it actually hurts a little when the boys make fun of her but they always reassure her they’re joking

when she goes to concerts, she all but screams the words to the songs and the people around her are doing the same thing so she feels right at home

beverly fucking marsh, ladies and gents, gets up on stage during the high school talent show with one of the choirs every single year and raps while they sing

everyone looks forward to it

freshman year, she did the rap parts of Magic

sophomore year, she did the rap parts of Stereo Hearts

junior year, she did the whole song from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

senior year, she did the rap parts of Alexander Hamilton

when she graduates from college with her education degree, the first teaching job she gets, she helps her kids learn the material through rap

all the kids love her because she makes learning fun and easy to remember

when she and ben go to homecoming together their junior year, she sings softly under her breath to one of the slow songs

and she’s actually trying

like she practiced

and ben is beyond impressed

“wow, bev, that’s beautiful”

and she blushes but won’t say anything

at the graduation party, she and the losers have, she gets a little tipsy after the adults leave and sings the highest, loudest song she can

it sounds phenomenal

the guys are flabbergasted

richie: we should get you drunk more often, bevvie. you could win tv show contests with that voice.

bev: shut the fuck up, trashmouth.

when she has her first kid, she takes three vocal lessons so she can sing lullabies to them

because she wants them to her voice

she gets super sappy when the baby smiles after she sings

she may or may not have cried

🎶 bill  🎶

how does one describe the singing voice william “big bill” denbrough

the answer is: you can’t, you tried, you failed

when he sings, he shouts

like there is very little musicality when he tries to sing

he gives bev a run for her money when they go to concerts

he’s the type of person who, because he is a writer, writes his own songs

and they’re really good, but he can’t sing them correctly

when georgie was little, he would always want bill to sing him to sleep at night and his parents don’t get it because bill’s voice isn’t soothing or sleep-inducing in any way

at church, his parents have to quiet him down because the picky old ladies look scandalized he’s singing so loudly during mass

georgie just grabs his hand and sings loudly with him bc big brother idolization, ya know?

(he may or may not stick his tongue out at the old women when his parents aren’t looking to stick up for his brother)

he never stutters when he sings and richie thinks this helps him learn to speak without stuttering

stan starts picking up on it and will quietly sing with bill when he feels overwhelmed and can’t get his words out

bill is amazing at lip-syncing 

the losers will all be listening to music and suddenly they look at bill who’s like in the zone and mouthing every word

then a cyndi lauper song comes on and if you didn’t know any better, it would seem like her voice was coming out of his mouth

it freaks mike out

bill auditions for a musical (the first and last) in college and the people listening to him are like “why is he screaming at us?” and defer him to stage crew where he finds out he can wield a nail gun like nobody’s business

he wants to privately serenade stan on one of their dates and has richie help him prep for it

richie teaches him simple chords on his guitar and lets bill borrow it for the evening, coaching him to sing softly

bill sings “i’m yours” and stan is smiling so widely his cheeks hurt but he can’t stop

���did you like it?” bill asks when he’s done, not looking up

“like it? i love it!” stan just snuggles up next to him for the rest of their date (and bill thanks richie a million times later)

when he works out, he always listens to music and can be heard trying to sing along under his breath (and failing) by all the employees and other patrons

when he leaves whistling whatever he had just been listening to, the poor woman next to him sighs in relief

🎶 eddie 🎶

eddie’s voice is unnaturally high for a boy but he loves it anyway (think mitch from pentatonix)

he joined as many school choirs as he could during middle and high school and totally was captain of the tenor 1s in his senior year

unironically calls the other tenor 1s his children

dude has the range of a opera singer

it’s more comfortable to sing in the higher end of his range but he can do the equivalent of a singing death drop and slide all the way from a b5 to a g3

always gets the solos when competing because he has such an impressive range

starts an a cappella group his freshman year of high school and convinces stan to join (we’ll talk more about that later)

they get so good, they start to do travel competitions

it’s probably the most diverse group at derry high because literally everyone that has a good voice is welcome to audition

a kid named taylor helps eddie arrange music and choreography even though they’re in a wheelchair

sings duets with his mom in the car because it’s the only time that they seem to get along without arguing

their go-to song is “halo” by beyonce

eddie’s mom is so highkey proud of her son and his abilities that most of the time she’ll just sit back and listen while one of them is driving until eddie says “ it’s supposed to be a duet, mom”

loves to vibrato it up because he’s super dramatic when he sings literally anything

he gets teased because singing and dancing in organized choirs is “gay” according to the bowers gang

ok one time, bowers made fun of him and the rest of the tenors and eddie just straight up decked him before calmly getting on the bus to go wherever they were competing

the tenors (and the bases) were like “shit dude you okay?”

and eddie says “no one makes fun of my kids” while shaking out his hand

and the tenors kind of crowd around him for a hug because they love their mom captain

he sings the national anthem a lot at high school games but one time, he was invited to sing it at a red sox game in boston and he freaked out

richie: you’ve sung this shit like a million times. all that’s changed is the number of people listening to your beautiful voice. now go out there and make hot baseball players fall in love with you.

eddie: *blushing* shut the fuck up.

sings lullabies to literally everyone and it soothes them so much

richie is falling asleep on his lap? lullaby

stan is having an anxiety attack? lullaby

bill is freaking about his stutter? lullaby

mike is overwhelmed by the amount of work on his plate? lullaby

ben has a nightmare? lullaby

bev is crying about her father? lullaby

needless to say it works wonders

🎶 mike 🎶

has such a low voice and it drives everyone nuts

he has all the girls (and some guys- mostly richie) salivating after him when he sings once at a high school talent show 

can harmonize with anything like a song will just be on the radio and he’ll drop in a perfect lower harmony that just works

cantors at mass on sundays sometimes and usually sings with the choir

he has a real knack for the baptist religious music and his voice is just perfect for it

his college did a production of “the drowsy chaperone” (A/N: great show) and when he tried out in a spur of the moment decision, he got the part of george

he killed it

also, he learned a tap number with the actor who played robert and the losers were thoroughly impressed

ben: i didn’t know he could move like that

bev: *shouting* that’s my son!

stan: *mortified* shh!

when mike becomes the derry librarian, he starts a story time for the little kids and when there’s music in the books, he’ll sing

a little girl only comes on days when he sings and that amuses him to no end

he plays classical music through the loudspeakers when he closes up the library because it gets lonely, you know, and tries to sing all the instrumental parts with his voice

he does the best with cello parts

one time, someone came in late and he didn’t even realize it and they started to clap

he now locks the door before he starts to clean up

LOVES karaoke and always drags his friends to bars and forces them to sing with him

tries out once for a really prestigious travel choir who do lots of shows in europe because they were looking for a bass

the snooty old man in charge of auditioning says “we don’t take your kind here”

and stan is livid when mike tells him about it

stan: hypothetically, if you told me their names and i went to their houses, what would happen if i killed them?

richie: jesus, stanny, remind me not to get on your bad side.

sings with eddie at ben and bev’s wedding and makes them cry tears of joy while they’re doing their first dance

mike’s twin daughters maisie and charlotte clearly have the same vocal skills as their dad and they sing together while they get ready for school

mike’s wife, louisa, has plenty of videos on her phone of them trying to sing around their toothbrushes

🎶 richie 🎶

richie tozier, my friends, is a wonder when it comes to singing

typically, he doesn’t try too hard and goofs off with silly songs

sings shit like “never gonna give you up” and “barbie girl” unironically

stan is neverendingly exhausted by it

stan: anything but blue again, please

when he applies himself, he drives people wild with his raspy, amazing voice

and by people, i mean eddie

he taught himself to play guitar when he was 12 and then when nobody would sing with him, he did it himself

in a stroke of bad decision making on the school faculty’s part, they allowed him to be the announcer at a football game and he sings all the announcements- all of them

richie: *singing* number 27 (bill) looking feisty tonight

richie: *still singing* when will the quarterback (mike) love me?

principal: that is quite enough

richie: *singing some more* you can’t do that (whole stadium claps)

every once in a while (quite often) when richie stayed over at the denbroughs, georgie would ask him to sing with his brother so that his lullaby could be a duet

for just a year and one year only, richie is in eddie’s a cappella group

he gets lovingly kicked out because he distracts not only eddie but a lot of the others in the group because he’s a really great singer when he tries

but he helped make a killer arrangement of feel again that they still use to compete even after eddie graduates

is actually very knowledgeable about music theory because it was always part of the youtube videos he watched when he was learning guitar

richie: you know, i think this would sound better with a major third chord instead of this minor seventh

mike: what

richie: what

mike: i have no damn idea what you just said

joins a band as lead singer and guitarist when he gets to college and gets really popular locally because of his “just got out of someone else’s bed” voice

you know those songs bill writes? yeah half of them are with help from richie

they start a youtube channel anonymously and sing them as duets with richie’s soft guitar music (think jem and the holograms)

they have a really niche cult following, some of whom try to figure out who they are, but mostly just to enjoy the music

georgie claims it’s his influence from lullaby time when he was younger (and the boys humor him)

🎶 stan 🎶

woo boy, where to even begin with stan?

he never sings in public and the times that he does sing are so few and far between it’s like a cryptid sighting

bev: i once heard stan singing in the shower after we all went swimming in the quarry

the rest of the losers: bullSHIT

but ~buuuuuUUuUUUtttt~ this boy has the voice of a god and he uses it like a weapon

stan: *doesn’t want to do something*

stan: *singing* billy, you know how much i love you right?

bill: *totally taken aback* not fair

he once sang in the talent show because it was his senior year (and he lost a bet to richie)

he decided to sing a sappy love song that was popular and the whole auditorium was so stunned it took them a full thirty seconds to give him a standing ovation once he finished

this boy is the only person in the losers club who can do any p!atd song, like any of them, and do an accurate impression of brenden urie

it’s a little scary how close their voices sound

his mother teaches him the hebrew prayers they sing during shabbat and sometimes the losers will catch him singing them when he’s not paying attention

he got tipsy once while he was out with bev and eddie and sang a super raunchy song on stage during a karaoke night and totally crushed the hell out of it

nobody believes that this happened

not even stan supposedly

bev and eddie: i swear on my life

mike: over my dead body did this happen

ben: yeah no way

stan: *winks at bev and eddie*

when he and bill move in together, stan will sing to bill when he thinks bill is asleep

stan will run his fingers through bill’s hair and sing something like blackbird and bill is just... goosebumps everywhere

stan sometimes knows bill is awake by the way his breathing hitches and keeps going because bill is the only person he trusts to be totally unafraid in front of

he can hit high notes like nobody’s business but only if he’s taken a shot of hard liquor recently

at the graduation party, he and eddie got into a high-note-off

a video exists somewhere on ben’s phone of the two just going at it

richie can be heard in the background just losing his fucking mind

stan never accepts solos when he’s part of eddie’s a cappella group and nobody understand why (again voice of a god)

there was a competition when eddie was getting over laryngitis and the only person who knew his solos were (drum roll, please) stan!

needless to say, they blew the judges away and won first place

~ ~ ~

There you are! I hope you enjoyed this little treat while I work on part 4 of you were in screaming color (which I have recently edited chapter 1 of and put it on ao3 here). Got a request? Submit one here. See my masterlist here.

[formerlyjannafaye]

100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha! 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me! 

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

[betrayedvirtue]

COMPROMISE w/ @VisionaryFury

Annisa:

I’m pretty sure I would have remained in solitary if I hadn’t started refusing to eat. It was the only thing I could think of to try that might get me out of that room. I was beginning to actually go as crazy as they all thought I was. Try sitting in a room with no windows, and absolutely nothing to do, for days on end! At first I tried protesting but, that got me absolutely nowhere. Next I figured, if I wasn’t going to be able to get out of the five by seven, I could waste some time sleeping. Problem was, I couldn’t fall asleep so, I laid there, staring at the ceiling and walls. Then I started thinking about all the things I could’ve been doing, if I just had a book, or an iPod, or a deck of cards… Shit! I even started wishing I had some of those art materials or my journal. All that, and it was only one day in. Want to know how I knew that? Because of the food and medication schedule they had me on, second dose of afternoon meds, followed by some sort of chicken, veggie, pasta meal.

Yesterday, they had finally let me out, just in time for evening meds and quiet time in my room. Exactly what I expected, dope me up with all kinds of meds to ensure they can control me, then free me of one cage, just to throw me back into another. I slept pretty good, though. As much as I hate to admit it, it was nice to be back in my own five by seven. Plus, I had a new plan, and it was looking as if I was going to get a chance to put it into play today. My morning dosage of meds was amped up. That meant they weren’t screwing around and taking chances. Which also meant I was going to be doing some type of interaction today. I couldn’t imagine it would be another group so soon so, that meant a one-on-one… with protective duty, no doubt. Granted, with the extra meds on board I wouldn’t be quite as alert as I wanted but, I could adapt, and today I would be ready.

Mike: [[ I only have a month to turn things around for Annisa. Not have her cured, but there should be some sort of improvement. As of right now Annisa is a danger to herself and others. No one has been able to pull her out of the illusions in her mind. As time progresses it will become impossible. She’s young and could have a fulfilling life but not unless Annisa is willing to trust that we are here to help her. We aren’t the enemy. I want to be the person to help her come to that conclusion.

No way I’d meet with her in the office. It would be more of the same as in the past. Annisa not talking, distracting herself or attempting physical harm. Outside...she seems to have a like for the outdoors. I don’t want her in a straight jacket but I do advise the orderlies to up her dosage of medication. I want her lucid but calm at the same time. This will be an uneventful meeting hopefully. I have no tricks up my sleeve and I want her to know that. She’s not being manipulated but I need Annisa to meet me halfway and let me do my job.

I have things set up already. The eastern part of the gardens are reserved for us to use. There are benches and tables for us to use. It’s not picturesque right now due to the time of year, but at least we can be in the fresh air. I know I fucked up last time we were together. I never should have pushed so hard. I feel bad she was placed in solitary confinement. Hopefully this gesture will make up for it. I also hope the promise of more outdoor time will prompt Annisa to start and cooperate with me.]]

Annisa:

Part one of my plan was to wear a hole into the tile on the floor of my room. I figured the more active I was, the quicker the meds would move through my system. Heavy activity was out of the question, too many drugs onboard. But, pacing worked… kind-of. It didn’t exactly have the effect I was hoping for but, my plan was a work in progress.

Before I knew it, the orderlies were at my door, ready to take me to my meeting. However, one thing I hadn’t expected was they had a coat for me to wear, and it was my own, a lightweight, hooded parka, with faux-fur trim on the hood. My parents must have brought it in for me. Were they actually here? Was I getting some sort of day pass to go out into the world? After just coming out of solitary? None of this made any sense. Even if they were here, did I really want to see them? It’s been how long and they have not once taken my side, stood up for me, trusted me. My eyes flickered from one orderly to the other but, nothing in their expressions gave away a thing.

Nope. I didn’t want to see them. There was nothing they could say to me at this point that could make up for all the things they haven’t done. I took a deep breath and flopped down on my bed, arms folded across my chest, and stared out the window, away from the two men in the doorway.

What is it with medical staff in a mental ward thinking they have the right to strongarm you, anytime they want? I was dragged down the hall, kicking and screaming the whole way. Well, they proved they could make me go where they wanted me to but, I sure as hell was not talking to my parents. They could handcuff me to a chair in front of them but, they couldn’t make me speak.

Finally, they plopped me down outside the door to the garden and handed me my coat. “Over there.” One of them ordered, as he pointed over my shoulder. Without even shooting a glance in the direction of my parents, I tried to get back inside but, the orderlies both stood side-to-side, in my way. I may have had some drugs in my system but, if looks could kill, the two of them would be pushing up daisies.

Mike: [[ Raising a brow I can’t help but wonder why Annia is being dragged out into the garden area. I thought she’d like the opportunity to venture outside. Perhaps it’s the fact she has a sit down with me that is provoking her defiance. I hold my composure as I watch her try and force herself back into the building. I don’t believe she sees me yet. I stand but stay where I am which is near the benches and tables. ]]

“Annisa...if you would prefer to have our one on one in the office we can do that. I thought you would appreciate some fresh air.” [[ Once again I’m trying to give her a choice. However, Annisa needs to figure out that she is becoming her own worst enemy. #Zen will be watching her progress and if I can’t even get her to come outside without it being a issue he might not give me the full month he promised.I tell myself I’m not failing her. Somehow I’m going to get Annisa to trust me and know I’m on her side. ]]

Annisa:

The eyeballs of my blockade were just about looking ripe for the picking when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. My brows furrowed but, I did not turn around. More unexpected. It was not my parents come to visit but, him trying to throw me off my game. Like an hour in the garden would take away all the bullshit of what he did to me last time I saw him, let alone the week in solitary that followed.

Gotta give him props for trying. Even though the asshat was trying too hard in the wrong direction. All the effort he was putting into getting me to talk, and delve deep inside myself, see the truth of what it was they all believed I actually saw… if he only put one quarter of the effort into really trying to get to know me, as a person, as a patient, and not just some number he’s read about in his file. But he’s new here, and I’m sure I’m the big challenge. The one that won’t talk to her therapists, the one that has been passed around from one to the next, the one that no one else wants to work with. I’m sure he wants to make a great first impression on the boss. Get the girl that’s lost to them all to finally admit that it’s been a lie from the beginning. Wouldn’t that be grand for him? One problem with that. I haven’t lied once since I’ve been here. I saw what I did, and no amount of drugs and prodding was going to make me take it back.

They wanted me to believe it was a lie for a number of reasons. First, and most importantly, they needed to believe it was all a lie. Second, they could then pat themselves on the back and feel like they saved me. And last, they could then write me off. I wasn’t having any of it.

I shrugged on my parka and slowly turned to face “Mike.”

Mike: [[ I don’t expect this to be easy. If Annisa rolled over and played nice then I’d be worried. She’s feisty and opinionated even when she has her lips clamped shut. Her body language and facial expressions say it all. I give Annisa a pleasant smile when she turns around and I don’t act as if I’m offended when she looks at me as if  she wishes me dead. I’m not on her happy people list and I know it. Hell, I don’t think Annisa has a happy people list.

I gesture to the chairs and benches as I speak.]] “ Hello, Annisa. I thought we could spend some time talking. What would you prefer? Us sitting here  or taking a walk?” [[ The orderlies were told ahead of time we may be walking and if that is the situation they will follow behind us at a safe distance. I’m not naive in believing having Annisa drugged up will keep her under our control. She’s too strong willed for that. I place my hands behind my back and wait for her response. If she chooses to just stand there and stare at me then...we’ll just continue this in my office instead. It’s her choice. ]]

Annisa:

I eyed Mike for a long while before turning to look at the orderlies. I wondered, if we were to take a walk, would the two goons follow suit? Or would they all just assume that the drugs in my system would keep me in check? More than likely, they would go with. My track record speaks for itself. But… I hadn’t had a chance to be outside in so long.

The air had a bit of a chill to it but, I was used to that. Besides, it made me feel alive for once. I took in a deep breath and turned back around. Giving Mike one final glare, I swept my gaze around the garden and started walking in the opposite direction. My terms. For lack of a better term, I still felt like I was having a pissing match with this guy and I wasn’t giving in. He was going to learn that I wasn’t someone to be toyed with. Sure, he may have given me a little piece of outdoors. He probably read in my file that I spent most of my waking time outside, before… But, that wasn’t enough to make me like him, talk to him, spill my most sacred secrets to him. No one has ever given me what I needed to do that, and that was show me trust first. I didn’t expect him to be any different.

Mike: [[ For a moment I expected Annisa to cut her nose off to spite her face but in the end she chose to remain outside. Does she follow the pathway I chose for us? Of course not. It doesn’t matter though since any way is perfectly okay with me. Everything is a battle with Annisa. I wonder if she was like this before the incident? That is something I’ll have to find out. I need to do a intake with her parents. I was trying to wait until things were better with Annisa first. With my hands in my pockets I walk after Annisa. It doesn’t take long to catch up with her. ]] “I’m glad you decided to remain outside. I wasn’t looking forward to being in my stuffy office. I hate this time of year. The heater messes with my allergies. I end up with a scratchy throat and watery eyes. I hate it.”

[[ I won’t be taking notes today. I honestly just want to /talk/ to Annisa and find out some facts about her that have nothing to do with what got her here. ]] “Have you been out here before? Do you know what sort of plants and flowers bloom in the springtime? I’ve been told it looks rather nice. I don't have a green thumb. I touch a plant or a flower and it will die. The only reason my house looks decent is because I pay a landscaper to take care of it.” ]]

Annisa:

I didn’t bother looking off to the side as Mike caught up to me, nor did I bother to look behind me. I could hear the two monstrosities lumbering along behind us. Just as I figured. However, they weren’t immediately behind us so, if this all went sideways, I could probably get a good swing in before they could stop me.

And… he started in with the small talk. I internally shook my head. Really?! Did he actually think that just because I was an outdoorsy person that talking about greenery would pique my interest? Not to mention, here I am, a patient at a freak show, that has barely spoken in forever, but now, just because he takes me outside for two minutes, I’m going to just start chatting it up with him over flowers?! Think again, dipshit! That’s not even taking into consideration that last time I saw him, he made me relive the worst day of my life, then threw me into solitary for a week. Sure. Because, that’s a forgivable act.

I walked over to a stone wall that lined the edge of the garden. I knew if I could just look out over it, I might be able to see the ocean. It wouldn’t be my beach but, it would be nice to see the water. It took all of two seconds for the orderlies to grab onto my arm as I tried to climb on top of the wall. I shot them both a glare, and looked back over at Mike. This was a test. Would he allow me this small chance to look out over the water, even though there was a risk? Or would he let the two idiots pull me back down?

Mike: [[ I know what #Zen would want me to do but I can’t gain Annisa’s trust if I do things his way. I can assume the worst and think she’s trying to escape but she’s too intelligent for that. So I take a chance and speak up once she looks at me. ]] “ Let her go..” [[ If Annisa stays on the wall then fine maybe it’s the water she’s after. If not then she’ll be caught and placed back in solitary confinement and I’ll go to #Zen myself and hand over her file. At some point something has to give. One of us has to toss in the white flag.

The orderlies look back at me and reluctantly let her go. Now it’s a waiting game to see what she does. Inwardly I’m hoping she for once she doesn’t do something that will mess up her chances of ever getting out of here.]]

Annisa:

I had 100% believed that Mike would allow the orderlies to pull me back down from the wall and completely blown away when he told them to let me go. I half wondered if he’s just fucking with me. Letting me go so he could make it look like I was trying to escape. Slowly, cautiously, I climbed the wall to the top, all the while keeping an eye out behind me, waiting for him to change his mind and have them charge me. But, it didn’t happen. He actually passed my test. Bewilderment flowed through my veins as tossed him a stunned look from atop the wall.

Turning, I sat down and looked out over Port Angeles to the water. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I could almost taste the salt from the ocean. From this wall, I could almost believe these past few years hadn’t happened. Almost... Who was I kidding. I could never forget these past few years. There was no arguing I would never forget the attack but, what had happened to me here, since the attack, was almost worse. I didn’t want to give this up, though. I was going to sit here, on this wall, until the last possible moment.

Mike: [[ It seems that I made the right choice allowing Annisa to climb the wall. As I observe her for a moment I don’t see the person who lashes out at the world by hitting, biting, scratching and spitting at people. I don’t see the girl who acts as if it’s her against the world. I see someone vulnerable and at peace with with herself. If only I could help her have this all the time. I don't want to disrupt this moment but I have to. I clear my throat as I glance up in her direction.]] “When I was in college, I spent most of my weekends at the beach. Not to party or anything like that but to center myself and gain some perspective over my life. I doubted myself a lot wondering if I was going down the right path. The one thing I worried about is messing up someone’s life that I’m trying to help. I almost quit halfway through and told my dad I wanted to work at the Outfitters full-time but then as I sat on the beach and watched the waves crash into the rocks I remembered why I chose my career path and knew I couldn't allow fear to hold me back. I think I work in Port Angeles for the same reason. The water is a constant reminder of the promises I made to myself.” [[ I don’t know if Annisa is listening or not. I figure sharing something about myself won’t hurt.]] “ I take it you like the water...may I ask why?” ]]

Annisa:

With my eyes closed, I could hear the waves breaking against the rocks on the beach. But, I couldn’t see the view. I could close my eyes and hear that any day of the week. Today, now, I was getting a chance to actually see my beloved ocean. I wasn’t letting go of that for the world. From the top of the wall, I could also feel the cool breeze rolling in with the tide.

Since I’ve been in this place, it’s been nothing but shit, day after day, week after week, month after month. Today though, was the first time I was actually given something that made me the tiniest bit happy. I hated that it was him that gave it to me. He was going to make me bipolar with the way he was treating me. Then again, I was still pretty sure this was all part of his master plan. He tried being the bad cop, found out real quick that doesn’t work with me so, he’s changing his tactic and trying out being the good cop. Not good enough. It was going to take a lot more than this to get me to trust him. Granted, he passed my little test but, still. I needed to know that someone was going to take me at my word before I started opening up. They all knew where I stood, what my story was. I told it for the first year and a half I was here. I never wavered, the story never changed. They just never wanted to believe me. Until someone did, I was done telling it. My life story was not up for discussion. I sighed deep, letting him know he was just blowing smoke and went back to enjoying my view.

Mike: [[ This is where things get tricky. We can’t keep doing things the same way. I can’t do all the talking. Annisa can’t continue to retreat into her mind and act out at a drop of a hat. It’s evident she is enjoying herself. I have a feeling she’d like more if it. However there needs to be some give and take. I’m not asking for much. Just a little cooperation. I respect her then she has to respect me.

That is easier said than done. I know that. I run my fingers over my face as I try to conjure up a way to move this along in a positive direction. The one thing I respect about Annisa is the fact she will call a person on their bullshit. She did it with past therapist. I’m sure if she wasn’t engrossed in the view ahead of her she’d be saying a few choice words to me or attempting to claw my eyes out again.

“Look Annisa, I’m not out here to try and figure you out. As you can see I don’t have a pad and pen with me. I don’t have a recorder hidden in my pocket. We are out here because I figured this is something you’d like to experience. This doesn’t have to be the only time. I like the outdoors. The weather doesn’t bother me. All I ask is if I do this for you, I’ll get some cooperation from you. How? Like doing more than giving me death glares. Actually engage in conversation. We can make it game. When we are out here instead of in my office you ask me a question and I have to give an honest answer and vise versa. The only rule is I can’t ask about the incident that brought you here and you can’t ask questions that would compromise my job. ]]

Annisa:

This is how it always starts. I give you something, you give me something in return. Then before you know it, they are trying to convince me into believing that what I saw with my own two eyes was just some figment of my own imagination, brewed up to make sense of what I actually saw. Seriously? Who would think that seeing a vampire attack and kill my friend, then some ginormous wolf come in and attack the vampire, would be more settling than seeing a bear attack and kill my friend? Because, I want to live in this fantasy land I fell into! Not! I want to believe vampires and enormous wolves don’t exist but, I know what I saw. There is nothing in this world that is going to get me to believe otherwise.

However, Mike is the only person that has ever given me something like this. If I don’t have to talk about the attack, what could it hurt? Lots, that what. That still left a lot of wiggle room for him. I swung my legs up onto the wall so I could face him, and pulled my knees up to my chest. Eyeing him cautiously, I give him a slight nod. Worse comes to worst and he asks me something I don’t want to answer and I am forced to go back inside for not responding. It’s not like this is something I’ve been given every day, anyway. I’ve lived this long without it. It’s up to me what each question is worth.

Mike: [[ I’m wary about feeling victorious about this. What I’m doing could backfire on me at any time. Regardless, I find myself smiling and nodding my head.]] “Great...okay so...I’ll be a gentleman and allow you to go first. What would you like to know about me?” [[ I’m pretty much a what you see is what you get sort of guy. I have my doubts Annisa will learn anything mind blowing about me.

Placing my hands in my pockets, I continue to glance up at Annisa and wait for her to actually speak to me and it not be a bunch of hostile words. A person's interests gives insight about who they are. I can learn a lot about Annisa just by what sort of questions she asks me and how she responds to what I tell her. I’m excited this tactic seems to be working. I may be premature with my optimism but hell a crumb is better than nothing.]]

Annisa:

I’m surprised when Mike doesn’t jump at the chance to ask me a question right off the bat, and gives me first shot at it. That’s okay. I have one question that has been burning into my brain for a little while now about him and he said he’d answer honestly, to any question, as long as it didn’t jeopardize his job. Of course, this one might set him off a little bit but, that’s okay. I shrugged internally as I thought about that. He’s set me off more than his fair share. Time for me to get my turn. “Okay. What kind of a shrink triggers a patient in the middle of a group session when she’s stoned out of her gourd already on all the meds the hospital is pumping into her?” My gaze shot daggers at him. Yes, I know he specifically asked me not to do that but, I couldn’t help it. How did he expect me to feel about it?

Mike: [[  I’m disappointed with the question Annisa decides to ask me. I was trying to stay away from this environment. I wanted her to relax a little but I guess that will take time. All I can do is give a honest answer. ]] “ A shrink that likes to ignite fires in patients that have promise in getting better who he doesn’t want giving up on life. Was it a good judgement call? Maybe not but I never claimed to be perfect. I’m sorry for taking that approach and placing you in that situation. It won’t happen again.” [[ I’m not afraid to own up to my mistakes. I already caught hell from #Zen.

“ Okay it’s my turn...I’d like you to answer my earlier question. Why do you like the ocean so much? You appear at peace and it suits you.” ]]

Annisa:

My mouth dropped open a little at his answer. Because, I was someone that appeared to have no fire? I’ve only attacked half the staff. No, I have absolutely no fight in me. At least he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. That was a start. A shrink that can admit when he’s wrong. The world has not disappointed today. Although, one thought did stick in my mind and I felt like I needed to respond. “And my life looks all peaches and roses to you?” It wasn’t my question. It was rhetorical. So, I moved on.

I looked back out to the water as I answered his question to me. “I used to spend a lot of time there. It was peaceful.”

Tossing my gaze back to him, “Did you not once, ever see anything that led you to think something strange was happening in Forks?” I knew he had to have heard about the stories but, had he really never saw something odd? I think everyone in Forks had their own experiences that they waved off as just folklore. Things like “animal attacks” that happened all the time. People also disappeared all the time and it would be swept under the rug. I heard once that there had been this one family that showed up in town for a short amount of time. They never spent any time with anyone else in the town, stayed to themselves, then one day just up and disappeared. The whole family. Their house sits quiet, just like a ghost house, never put up for sale but, no one has lived there for a number of years. How can he not have one story?

Mike: [[ I stare at Annisa for a moment actually dumbstruck that even though I’m giving her an out she’s initiating a conversation that leads directly to why she is confined to this place. If she is thinking I’ll confirm her wild imaginations she’s wrong. I don't believe in the boogie man. I can’t say it like that to Annisa though. I try to chose my words wisely.

“ We both agree the ocean is peaceful. I guess that is an ongoing theme for a lot of people. Now about your question...of course I was exposed to odd things. Mainly in high school there were a lot of strange things. Large bear sightings in the woods. Missing people...rumors the Cullens weren’t human. After a while it just became talk to me since I never saw any proof of anything.  So I moved on from it.” [ I shrug my shoulders and regard Annisa for a moment.]] “ What is your favorite color? Mine is red.” ]]

Annisa:

By the look on Mike’s face, I can tell I’ve thrown him with my question. The rules were, he couldn’t ask me about the situation that landed me here. That didn’t mean I couldn’t ask him about it. He was my shrink, and he was from Forks. If I had half a chance of anyone believing me, it would be by him. I figured it had been a shot. Yet, from the way he answers my question, I can tell he is actually that ignorant to everything going on around him in Forks. I don’t know why this had become so important to me in this moment but, it had. “Purple.” I answered without another thought. Continuing on my quest, I spat out my next few questions without thinking, “Do you still live there? No wait… you already said you did. But, do you have family that still lives there? Wait… you told me that, too. The Outfitters. Don’t you think you owe it to them to know for sure? Beyond a shadow of a doubt? Especially considering, I assume your family is probably into hunting? Owning the store and all. With all the uncertainty, do you ever wonder, when your father is going out for a hunting trip, if he’s going to run into something other than a bear?” I knew this was more than I had said to anyone since I had been here but, for fuck’s sake, he was from Forks! I needed someone on my side.

Mike: [[ Maybe doing this question answer thing with Annisa is a bad idea. I’m trying to figure out if she is being for real with her questions or if she is fucking with me. I won’t end this yet. I’m curious to see how far Annisa would go. I keep my eyes trained on her and try to give her a thought proved response. ]]

“ Purple...that is the color of royalty. I can see it being a nice color on you.” [[ I nod my head at my thought then continue on with the next part of Annisa’s question. She’s all over the place. I know this time she’s working her own self up if she’s for real.]] “ How would I find out something like that for sure? I can’t question the La Push natives it’s a sworn secret...they can’t talk about it. The family accused of being vampires denied it. They did nothing to show dishonesty...unfortunately my father wouldn’t back down from hunting no matter what was out here. He thinks nothing is mightier than him with a gun in his hand.” ]]

Annisa:

Frustration seethed through my body. He was thinking about this too logically. Not an open-minded cell in his body. How do you explain to someone that one plus one doesn’t equal two anymore? That when they’ve been told all their lives that when they see hooves, they should be looking for horses, when in fact what is actually out there is zebras? I know none of this makes sense. To most, monstrous wolves and vampires are nothing more than a fairytale. Something people write books about to make their books more interesting and scary. Well, shit! They are scary! They are absolutely terrifying! This had been my dilemma for the past few years, and I was so tired of it. I honestly don’t know why I bothered with Mike. I thought maybe, just maybe, seeing as he was from Forks… but, nope. No one is ever going to believe me.

I twisted my body and let my legs drop back down off the edge of the wall, and looked back over to the water. I was going to miss this view. Because, what was the point in talking if no one was going to listen? “Forget it.”

Mike: [[ The  feisty Annisa I like to provoke arises but quickly diminishes when I don’t provide the responses that she desires to hear. I want to yell at her “Why try to convince your shrink the impossible is true when that will only assure you’ll be kept under lock and key? Why can’t you at least pretend you are accepting what you see as the bullshit we speak.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose feeling frustrated and defeated. I can’t seem to win here. All I wanted was to make this a casual thing to try and gain some trust from my patient but Annisa has just shown the only way to do that is to believe her fairy tales. I can’t do that. It goes against everything I’ve been taught. So just like that we are back to square one.

I shake my head not wanting to accept that. Something about all this bothers me. I take a closer step to the wall and climb up to the edge so that I’m sitting along side Annisa. Yeah I’m all in her personal space right now and it could prove to be a bad idea but I don’t want the orderlies to hear what I have to say. ]] “ No...I’m not going to forget it. Look I’m going to put myself on the line here as an act of good faith. There is something about your case that has bothered me from the first time I read your file. People who have disillusions such as yours where the truth is distorted there is a reason. They feel a sense of guilt for what they have done or haven’t done.

You didn’t cause the death of your friend and you never voiced you thought you did. Yes, witnessing such a death would cause trauma and everyone handles trauma differently but why of all things say a  vampire did it  and not only that why add in something like a wolf on steroids?” [[ Something is nagging at my subconscious but I can’t put my finger on it.]]

“ Okay...from what you have just asked me you want me to prove you right and me wrong which goes contrary to what is expected of me. You know what?  I’ll do it. All I ask is you give me a chance to check on some things. There are some people I can talk to and some research I can do. I can’t have distractions while I do that. So how about this...while I make an honest effort to prove you right you participate in groups and not just sit in silence, no attacking the staff, eat all your meals and take your meds without a fight. You do all that and you can have your time out here every day for an hour.” [[ I know what I’m doing can cause more harm than good and I’m asking myself what the fuck I’m doing? I can lose my licence if #Zen finds out about this shit.]]

Annisa:

I was weary as Mike started to climb the wall to sit next to me. This was too damn close for my comfort. I liked my space. Sure, I was good at getting into other people’s space when I wanted to, like jumping a nurse, or attacking my therapist but, that was always on my terms. Having Mike sitting on the wall next to me was uncomfortable and it forced me to scoot away a bit.

As Mike started in, there was one thing I could say that he was definitely wrong about. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for a lot. There were so many things I could have done differently, like not agreed to go out on that trail that morning. But, we had hiked it so many times before. I could have talked her into going to the beach, instead. Or rock climbing. There were so many other activities I could have talked her into that day but, I let her talk me into the hike. But, all that is hindsight, and as we all know hindsight is 20/20. I had come to terms with most of that. How was I supposed to know that there would be an actual vampire out in those woods? We had both been told that was all a myth. There were no vampires. The stories weren’t real. The one thing I still felt guilty about was how was it that I survived and she didn’t? What twist of fate caused her to be the one that was attacked and not me? It could have easily have been me. If I had decided to go first on the trail, it would have been me. What right did I have to live and not her? But, who was I going to talk with about all that when they didn’t believe the basic part of my experience?

My mouth dropped open like a complete idiot as he continued. Was he actually saying what I thought I was hearing? Was he actually going to look into this? Was it possible that this was going to be a turning point for me? Or was he totally just fucking with me to try to get me to become more compliant? This was a chance I was going to have to take. This was what I had been waiting for, hoping for for a long time. I needed this to happen. However, I couldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep. The meds mixed with antagonizing staff sometimes piqued my anger. I didn’t always have control over everything I did.

Turning slightly toward Mike, I offered what I could. “I can promise to make an honest effort, if you do.”

Mike: [[ I can’t say I know Annisa well enough to know when she is being upfront or not. All I know is when she doesn’t want to do something she normally flat out refuses no matter the consequences. The fact she hasn’t tried to shove me off the wall is a clue she’s being honest with me. If she says she’ll make an honest effort then I can accept that. I give Annisa a genuine smile and nod my head. ]] “ You have my word Annisa, I will make an honest effort as well. ”

[[ Wrong...wrong...wrong...I shouldn’t be doing this but something about this girl’s case has a death grip on me. I want her to be right because saying she’s insane seems out of whack for some reason.

I do plan on making the effort to find out the truth. I will try to keep an open mind and get to the bottom of this. What if she did see what she saw and there is a logical explanation Annisa could accept as the truth. It’s up to me to find out what it is once and for all. My phone vibrates in my pocket signaling this session is pretty much over. For the first time in months I feel as if Annisa and I have made progress. Yes, it could easily be fractured but still it’s progress. ]] “ Our time is almost up Annisa. Before we go inside is there anything else you’d like to ask? This would be the time…” ]]

Annisa:

I hated myself for getting my hopes up on this but, this was the first time in years that I felt like something was finally going right for me. I half expected it all to blow up in my face but, I still felt almost a little giddy at the prospect of someone having a tiny bit of faith in me. At the same time, I felt a little sorry for Mike. If he looked deep enough and found out what I knew to be true, his whole world was going to crash down upon him. How would he look those truths in the face? Could I trust him to be true to his word and put an actual effort into finding out the truth, no matter what it meant for his life? Would he make a couple phone calls, read a few articles in the news and call it quits? Or would he actually go the distance I needed him to go and uncover what I’ve been trying to tell everyone all along? Not to mention, what would happen once he believed me? Bridges, Annisa. Those are bridges I can cross when I come to them. For now I have to take his word for it. If I don’t, I get nowhere, nothing changes. No one ever learns the truth. I stay locked up with everyone thinking I’m insane, and the world lives on not knowing how close they are to their own deaths.

I look down as his phone vibrates from his pocket and he tells me that signals the end of the session. He offered me one final question before we were finished. I wanted to ask him what he would do if he found out I was telling the truth. However, I didn’t want to get him all in his own head, giving him an excuse not to look too hard. I also wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me today, or said he was going to do but, I knew better. I had been promised things in the past and I wasn’t thanking anyone until they actually showed me something in return. I read a great saying in a book one time, “Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them.” I’ve tried to live by those words when it came to trusting people. This time was going to be no different.

There was only one other thing I wanted to know. “Do you consider yourself an honest man?”

Mike:[[ Annisa’s questions never cease to amaze me. She comes from an angle I don’t expect. As a therapist it’s my job to try and be one step ahead of who I’m helping. I should be able to have a clue what direction my patient is going so I can help to guide them in the right direction but Annisa is proving to be in a class by herself. Her question in itself requires a honest answer which could prove to be an issue for most people.]]

“ I consider myself as having integrity. I wouldn’t be able to get up every morning and face myself in the mirror if I wasn’t honest with myself first. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass. They can only be hidden for so long. I’ve seen what happens to a person who lives under the illusion of lies. I never want that to be me. Am I perfect? No...then I’d be lying. I do miss the mark at times. I hope that answers your question.” ]]

Annisa:

I took in the whole of the answer Mike gave me and processed it. He could have given me a quick yes or no answer. He didn’t have to admit that he knows himself not to be perfect. I guess it’s good enough for now so, I give him a small nod before turning around on the wall and jumping back down to the ground. These next few days were going to be slightly agonizing until I see some results of his promise but, I’ve been in here how many years with absolutely no motion forward. What’s a few more days?

Mike:[[ Once Annisa is back on the ground I nod to the orderlies they can take her back to her room. ]] “ I’ll speak with you soon. You’ll get your outside time this time everyday unless the weather doesn’t permit it.” [[ I need to get back inside. I have several more session scheduled for today. I gave my word to #Zen I wouldn’t neglect my other patients to only focus on Annisa. It’s hard though. Something about her has me so intrigued. ]]

#Compromise

[madpicks]

New Post has been published on https://www.madpicks.com/culture/tv/guide-promising-ridiculous-pilots-fall-2017-season/

A Guide To The Most Promising (And Ridiculous) Pilots For The Fall 2017 Season

There’s entirely too much television, and come this fall, there’s going to be even more. That’s when approximately 70 pilots hit the Big Four networks — ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC — and The CW, because your DVR isn’t already struggling enough. We haven’t actually seen any of the new series, but the plot descriptions and casts have been released, giving us an opportunity to make premature evaluations on our future favorite show. Using this guide, we highlighted five of the most promising-sounding pilots, and five of the most ridiculous. That’s not the same thing as “worst,” mind you. Is a drama about a “superstar magician” going to be any good? Probably not, but we can’t wait to watch it.

The Potentially Great

1. A.P. Bio (NBC)

A hilariously cynical Ivy League professor (Glenn Howerton) loses out on his dream job and goes to work as a high school biology teacher where he imposes his unorthodox teaching style and uses the kids to plot out revenge on those who wronged him.

Following the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 12 finale, Howerton told us that it’s “not entirely certain” whether he’s leaving the show or not. “I might be, but I might not be,” he confessed. “That really is the truth.” His availability largely depends on the success of A.P. Bio, which stars not only the Sunny co-developer in his first lead role in a network sitcom since That ’80s Show, but Patton Oswalt, who plays Principal Durbin, “a timid, petite, nervous mouse of a man.” The pilot was written by SNL‘s Mike O’Brien, and Seth Meyers is attached as an executive producer. It would be a huge surprise if A.P. Bio failed. We’ll have to wait to find out what that means for Sunny.

2. Ghosted (FOX)

A cynical skeptic (Craig Robinson) and a genius “true believer” in the paranormal (Adam Scott) are recruited by The Bureau Underground to look into the rampant “unexplained” activity in Los Angeles — all while uncovering a larger mystery that could threaten the existence of the human race.

This description reads kind of like a comedy version of The X-Files but with Adam Scott as David Duchovny and Craig Robinson as Gillian Anderson. I hope that was the entire pitch, now that I think about it.

“So you know The X-Files?”

“Yeah…”

“Well this is like that, but with Adam Scott from Parks and Rec as Mulder and Craig Robinson from The Office as Scully.”

“… as Scully?”

“Basically, yeah. And funny.”

“Okay, yeah. That’ll work.”

3. Household Name (ABC)

This multi-camera comedy follows a family who has an opportunity to buy the house of their dreams but under extremely abnormal circumstances: They must live with the previous owner, an eccentric, larger-than-life actress (Carol Burnett).

Multi-camera comedies have gotten a bad name in last 8-10 years as single-camera shows have seen their stars rise (Veep, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, etc. etc. etc.), but this one falls into the promising category for two reasons: Carol Burnett and Amy Poehler. Poehler is producing only, which is both good (she’s also a producer on Broad City, so there’s a track record here) and bad (whhhyyyy can’t I have a show where Carol Burnett plays Amy Poehler’s mom, preferable written by Mike Schur and Tina Fey and co-starring The Rock as their neighbor?). But still, just those two names make this one interesting.

4. Libby & Malcolm (ABC)

A blended family comedy about two polar-opposite political pundits (Felicity Huffman and Courtney B. Vance) who fall in love despite all odds and form an insta-family as well as a work partnership.

ABC has high hopes for Libby & Malcolm: it was the first official order of the pilot season. The network is probably right to be optimistic. The timely comedy stars American Crime‘s Felicity Huffman and American Crime Story‘s Courtney B. Vance, who won the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie for his convincing performance as Johnnie Cochran, and comes from black-ish creator Kenya Barris. That’s a lot of crime, and even more talent.

5. Me, Myself, & I (CBS)

A single-camera comedy examining one man’s life over a 50-year span. The show will focus on three distinct periods in his life – as a 14-year-old in 1991, a 40-year-old (Bobby Moynihan) in the present day, and a 65-year-old (John Larroquette) in 2042.

This show had me at “Bobby Moynihan and John Larroquette playing different versions of the same character.” Also, please note the name “Jaleel White” six-deep in the cast list. Will it be any good? I have no idea. Could it all go to crap before even making it to the air? Of course. But am I intrigued? Very.

The Definitely Goofy

1. Deception (ABC)

When his career is ruined by scandal, superstar magician Cameron Black (Jack Cutmore-Scott) has only one place to turn to practice his art of deception, illusion, and influence — the FBI. He’ll become the world’s first consulting illusionist, helping the government solve crimes that defy explanation and trap criminals by using deception.

If there’s one thing I have always said about network television, it’s that there are not nearly enough shows about disgraced magicians working with the FBI. Sure, The Mentalist is kind of that. And Psych was sort of that, almost. But that’s not the point. The point is that this is happening and the blurb contains the phrase “the world’s first consulting illusionist,” which makes me so happy I might just explode right here in my seat. I hope a disgraced magician investigates my death. No, I demand it. Now that I know it’s an option, I can’t accept anything else.

The only downside here, and it is a small one, is that I joked about this blurb on Twitter and someone replied with a “You’re off the case, turn in your badge and wand joke,” and I was immediately furious I didn’t think of it first.

2. The Get (CBS)

A team of tireless internet journalists pursues and exposes stories of injustice using their unconventional investigative techniques in today’s anything-goes world of reporting.

The first thing I, an internet journalist, do when I wake up in the morning is go to the bathroom. Then I have a quick breakfast, maybe some healthy oatmeal or Pop-Tarts (it’s Pop-Tarts), while I scroll through Twitter, Facebook, CNN, Reddit, the Hollywood Reporter, etc. When I find something that piques my interest, I write about it. Before I know it, it’s three in the afternoon, I haven’t left the bed (except to go to the bathroom again and maybe eat some leftover pizza for lunch), and I’m still wearing the same pair of nasty gym shorts that I fell asleep in. I hope that’s what The Get is about. Anything goes!

3. Insatiable (The CW)

When a disgraced, dissatisfied civil lawyer-turned-beauty pageant coach (Dallas Roberts) takes on a vengeful, bullied teenager as his client, he has no idea what he’s about to unleash upon the world.

Look, anyone can be anything. Are you an airline pilot who wants to serve fast food burgers? You can do it! Are you a janitor at a fancy Boston college who thinks you’re meant to be a rocket scientist, or whatever happens to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting? Why not! Insatiable takes this idea to the extreme. As far as premises go, “civil lawyer-turned-beauty pageant coach” is a thing of beauty. It’s like the creator couldn’t settle on the professions, so she randomly flipped through the phonebook and landed on “civil lawyer” and “beauty pageant coach.” (I don’t care if it’s “inspired” by a real-life story — it’s still hilarious.) If Insatiable doesn’t work, everyone can try again next year on Unquenchable, about a marine biologist-turned-monster truck driver.

4. Wisdom of the Crowd (CBS)

Based on the Israeli format of the same name, and inspired by the notion that a million minds are better than one, a tech innovator (Jeremy Piven) creates a cutting-edge crowdsourcing hub to solve his own daughter’s murder, as well as revolutionizing crime solving in San Francisco.

Jeremy Piven plays a billionaire who is solving his daughter’s murder with science. I freaking love it. I can see him now, butting heads with the old school cops who wants to solve crime the old fashioned way, hitting the streets and working sources and such. “

PIVEN: Umm, actually, my app has already triangulated the killer’s location.

OLD SCHOOL COP: What’s this guy talkin’ about?

PIVEN: [Jeremy Piven face]

5. Young Sheldon (CBS)

The series follows The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper (Iain Armitage) at the age of 9, living with his family in East Texas and going to high school.

The Big Bang Theory is a very popular show. The actors have been nominated for a million Emmys (and made millions of dollars), and despite being 10 seasons in, 19 million people regularly tune in to see what sort of wacky misadventures Howard and Rajesh are getting into this week. That’s a lot of millions. I get why CBS executives want to keep the Big Bang train a-rollin’ — especially with the stars getting increasingly expensive — but to paraphrase Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park, they were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. They shouldn’t, but they did, and now something called Young Sheldon will probably bring in five times as many viewers as The Good Place. Maybe we’re living in the Bad Place?

The Potentially Great and Definitely Goofy

1. Untitled Marc Cherry Project (ABC)

Ruby Adair (Reba McEntire), the sheriff of colorful small town Oxblood, KY, finds her red state outlook challenged when a young FBI agent of Middle Eastern descent is sent to help her solve a horrific act. They form an uneasy alliance as Ruby takes the agent behind the lace curtains of this Southern Gothic community to meet an assortment of bizarre characters, each with a secret of their own.

I’m not sure exactly how this will play out but all I can picture right now is the first season of True Detective but with Reba McEntire as Rust Cohle. It’s all you can picture now, too, I bet. You’re very welcome.

The One Show Each Writer Cares Way Too Much About

Brian: Dynasty

I’m interested in Dynasty for two reasons:

One, it’s produced by Josh Schwartz, who created The O.C. and has solid history when it comes to fun dramas about rich families with problems.

Two, the last time someone tried to reboot a popular ’80s show about a troubled wealthy family, it was TNT’s version of Dallas, which gave us the single greatest GIF in TV history: Judith Light snorting cocaine at a rodeo.

TNT

Josh: Every “Untitled” series

Did I watch a single episode of AMC’s Untitled Billy Corgan Wrestling Project?

Nope.

Do I know if Untitled Billy Corgan Wrestling Project even made it to air?

No clue.

But three years later, am I still obsessed with Untitled Billy Corgan Wrestling Project?

Of course. Because it’s called Untitled Billy Corgan Wrestling Project!

I’m actually fascinated by all Untitled [Name or Collection of Words] Projects, and this fall has some gems. There’s the aforementioned Untitled Marc Cherry Project, as well as Untitled Paul William Davies Project, Untitled Single Dad Project, Untitled Jenny Lumet Project, Untitled Navy SEAL Project, Untitled Marvel Action-Adventure Series, and Untitled University Project. Do I plan on watching any of these shows? Other than the Marc Cherry one and maybe whatever Marvel is brewing, of course not. But would I check out Untitled Single Dad Project if it stayed with that title, and not switch to something generic, like Bad Dad? You bet. Also, #BringBackUntitledBillyCorganWrestlingProject.