#ts4 psychothriller

[suepixels]

43 |  Silent doubts

“The rain is pouring and the sky is black as the devil’s soul. The world became pitch-black, and the crooked, billowing sky looked as if it would collapse over me. Yeah, this weather knows how I feel. Should I tell London that I will be gone for a while? I can’t focus on the job right now, sorry man! I know you will rock it without me but I can’t be here right now”.

RJ grabs the bag from the floor, unlocks his Escalade SUV, it beep, door opens and he gets into the car. He puts the bag on the passenger seat, closes the door and stares at the weather with no focus. He couldn’t remember how long he was sitting there like a frozen ice sculpture. RJ switched off for a while simply because he drifted away into infinity, letting the locked-away memories of Brindle Bay shower him with pieces of better times. Stolen by the time of the invisible thief of life, irretrievable and gone forever.

Then there was an explosion like a sonic boom - black clouds, pregnant with malice, stirred up and agitated. They were vaporous like mist and fleecy like black wool. The purple flashes of lightning immerse the sky in an ocean of edged firepower, awaiting a suitable prey to plunge the blades into a heart, only to illustrate how involuntarily truly cruel life itself is. Lightning is the megawatt smile of nature, but the terrawatts of violence it has unleashed has been unkind. It crashed into San Myshuno, the violent explosion plunged the ungodly dark sky into a purplish color that shook RJ to his very core. 

After this strike, the sky turned black and it started to rain harder as if someone else would cry the tears RJ is tired of to do.

Back to reality his left hand grips the steering wheel and starts the engine. The car rolls. Regardless of the weather, the streets are full of traffic. He has to get out, simply get out of this city, because this dark monster threatens to consume him. 

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[suepixels]

41 | Reservation

A few moments later his eyes wander to his phone back and he decides to dial another number.

Voice: “Fusionics”, Mr. Blakeshire speaking, how can I assist? London: Hey Jake, Canoway here. A table for two, please. Um, tonight at 8, if possible? Blakeshire: Set up as usual? London: No, private purpose. Blakeshire excited: Oh Mr. Canoway I’m happy for you. Pardon, my curiosity but is it a date if I may ask?  London smirks: Yes, it is but keep it to yourself, Jake! Blakeshire: Take it for granted, sir. Mind if make sure to be it a bit romantic? London: It’s our first date, even if she denies it. I just don’t want to go overboard, Jake. But a small nice fresh bouquet of flowers would be nice. May white lilies and a little candle should be fine, right? I like the smell of lilies, hope for me that she loves it, too. Can you arrange it? Blakeshire: Of course consider it as done, Mr. Canoway. A table for two with a candle and white lilly at the best place is set up for you. London: Thank you, Jake, see you later. Blakeshire: You're always welcome Mr. Canoway. We’re looking forward to seeing you tonight, Sir.

Well if a host at a restaurant gets excited for him, it must mean something. London rubs his hand right hand. This just reminds him of how long he has been a single. Actually, since Imani was gone. Five years can be a long time still London could not complain, he always had a sort of fling here and there or an affair for a while but this time it feels different with her, she is different. Bachelor Life is history once she tells him that she loves him and he has this strong feeling that she could be that kind of soul for him.

The weather forecast wasn’t promising a sunny day today but even the dark weather outside could not make him feel depressed, quite the opposite he feels, he feels like dancing in the rain. Just waiting until he will see his sunshine tonight. London whispers: “Imani, I wish you could have met her, I’m sure you would love her”. I wish that I could tell you that I’m going to date her tonight. Who would have thought that I would develop years later feelings for Diosa’s little sister? The sister of my best buddies wife who passed away, recently? How will he react once I tell him? Miss you so much, baby sis. Your “bear” is about to be taken off the single market if all goes well.” Imani knew about Vivi simply because of Diosa and RJ but she never had a chance to meet her in person. He strongly believes that his sister is always with him, in his heart.

He feels good. Yes, London is happy but somehow he thinks if he only could talk to RJ about such things. Right now he can’t talk to him about his happiness while RJ struggles to find a way to be himself again after such a loss. As sad it is for his bro, he feels for the first time, for a long time something like happiness. He will tell him, once he feels better.

London looks out of the window and smiles.

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[suepixels]

24 | Rush of Lust  [🔥 Simspice]

RJ turns her around while he moves up her dress. Now he goes down on his knees between her thighs and begins to please her. He licks her intense, hard, fast and makes her come in less than five minutes. During this time somehow he managed to unbutton his pants with one hand. He slides quickly out of his Chelsa boots together with the socks. RJ gets up and grabs the pink condom from the counter he rolls it over his dick and turns her around just to enter her instantly, right there. Tonight he goes hard and deep. They continue to kiss each other wild and rough. RJ groans and lets himself go. While being inside of her, he feels that his pain vanishes soothingly. Lust and urge take control over him, he feels how his hormones got unleashed thrilled to enjoy this ride. He wants to dominate her, to control, to fuck her good until she screams his name. Until he can unload himself just to feel the rush of pure testosterone in his veins.

RJ breathes heavy: Shit, you feel fuckin’ good. Woman whispers: I need you to go deeper. RJ husky: You want it so bad, huh? Woman: Right now I’m all yours. RJ groans: God damm woman you drive me nuts. RJ hands lift roughly her dress further up to reveal her beautifully shaped breasts. He sinks into them, licks, bites and challenges her nipples which go instantly hard. He grabs her ass, picks her up from the counter. While he holds her, he steps back and goes down on his knees with her together. Her satin dress slides down and it covers her breasts again. RJ feels the cold floor beneath but as soon she sits on him the journey of pleasure continues. Both move on the same level they simply complement each other, right here on this floor at Ginger and Gin. Having the same rhythm as one heartbeat. This kind of rhythm makes it way easier to come faster, the floor is no longer cold now but hot as hell. RJ focuses on the vibe they have. It feels so fucking good, he doesn’t want to stop, that’s what he thinks.

After a little while, he stops and makes to her clear that he wants to get up again. RJ leads her the way back to the counters. He turns her quickly around, takes her hands and places them on the counter, he enters her from behind, again. His right hand goes straight to her throat. He puts some pressure on her throat while his left fingers slide between her tighs to please her again. Her right hand goes over his head and she starts to stroke his hair. But RJ grabs her hand and puts it back on the counter. She moans and breathes heavier, his trusts are harder, deeper, skilled and faster. She could feel him so deep and he is pleasing her again. After another set of a few minutes, she starts to shiver. She is about to come again RJ intensifies his penetration. Woman moans: You all over me is heaven, grab me stronger. RJ growls: Like that? Woman: Mmmh, yes! RJ: Fuck! You turn me on so hard, you’re bad. Woman breathless: Oh holy fuck, RJ I’m coming. RJ: You are a very hungry beast. I can tell. Woman moans: Before you come let me taste your milkshake. RJ snickers: Are you for real? Woman: Yes! A few seconds later he pulls his dick out, takes the condom off. She goes down and wraps her wet cherry lips around his dick as she starts to suck him hard and intense. After several minutes he can’t hold it any longer and bursts into her mouth. She looks up to him so that he can see how she swallows it, he moans. Seeing her with her half-open green eyes, how she tastes his milkshake with her cherry lips, drives him nuts. RJ reaches his climax and he closes his eyes to enjoy his final explosion.

The quick encounter for a rough quicky came to the end. Both began to dress up, again - wordless.

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[suepixels]

42 | Exodus - RJ’s escape

Three hours later.

Things are packed, what else does he need? “Ah, the shaving cream, the pills and may the pictures as well.” He needs only a few things, nothing special. Everything else he has at home. On his way, he will stop by a liquor shop to grab some good stuff to drink. “HOME” RJ closes his eyes. No sobbing, no sound, it’s just a soundless painful inwardly desire to continue to cry but he can’t, he feels drained and exhausted. 

The thought of " their" home is tearing him up inside, yet stubbornly he wants to go there. Fact is he has no home where he can go back to because he has no roots - no more. The place where he wanted to plant roots with Diosa was in Brindle Bay “their” new home for the family.  What once used to be his home is now a grave of memories causing only pain. But where else can he go? He couldn’t sell “their” house, he wasn’t ready for this and most importantly this was the only place he still considers as his real home.

RJ feels deeply uprooted. Like a nomad, he is forced and doomed to move forward all the time. 

“Just don't freeze, don’t stop, keep moving, nothing here is for you, move on, everything you will experience here is pain and only pain remains. You know this RJ even if you go home you will feel nothing but even more pain.” 

But the pain and memories are all he has. He did set up his mind that he might need to go through this on his own.

RJ clung to the idea that if he would go “home” at least for a while, he would feel her presence and he could say may goodbye. Apologize for what he has done last night that he betrayed her. He washed off the last kisses and last touches from Diosa, he felt deeply guilty for that. Someone else touched him and took all that he had away, Alyssa. He allowed it and now he regrets it. If he goes home, he might find and inhale something that will remind him to who he belongs, simply because he feels lost.

 “I’m such an idiot, how could I let myself let go just like that?”

He doesn’t need much, he won’t tell anyone where he is and he won’t take his phone with him, either.

Just escaping for a while - he leaves a note on his bed.

After grabbing the items he needs he changes his clothes into something cozier for a drive he looks at the items and checks if all necessary things are really packed, his face freezes into an emotionless expression. He’s ready, ready to leave everything behind. He wants to be alone. No one and no other voices should tell him what he should do, how he should feel, and that he would need to move on...he will move on but on his own terms. He leaves this penthouse... with the thought, depending on the outcome within the upcoming few weeks, one thing he knows for sure: 

“The old RJ is gonna die, he wants to figure out who he wants to be in future. He won’t be probably the same, everyone knows.” RJ grabs his bag, picks up his brown trenchcoat and doesn’t look back. He will call the real estate agent and sell this penthouse, he won’t come back here. A dark cold smile hushes over his face. 

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[suepixels]

32| Almost

London ignores her wording “as friends - no mingle etc, etc..” He is obviously relieved that Vivi is not so mad and that she doesn’t hold grudges towards him for having fun as a single man. Damm he even didn’t plan to have Leonie here. Their bodies are now just an inch away from each other and London is almost a bit intrusive. His index finger lifts up her chin and he looks straight into her soul.

London clear: 8 pm at Fusionic! It's a date, awesome. Vivi rolls eyes: London, please. London whispers: Don’t please me. Viv, if you don’t want this happening between us? Nothing is easier, simply don’t show up tonight. But tell the truth, would you kiss me, now? Vivi challenging: You want to kiss me but you want me to convince you that I want it? Really? London: You’re playing a tough cookie all over sudden! Huh? But I can feel how I make you tremble. Vivi firm: I don’t date players and you try to play me, right now! London snickers: I can play but do not underestimate me, Vivi. look I’m so close I could kiss you, right now. I see how much you desire my sweet, tender lips, but you know what? I changed my mind. I will wait until you want to kiss me and you will want it sooner or later. How about that, sweetie? Vivi feisty: You wish...Big, Ben! London mused: You want to challenge me? Watch and learn... Vivi smiles: I’m so sorry that you can’t kiss me now. London: Viv, I know what you want and trust me. Oh how much I would want to kiss those cherry lips of yours right now. But I think considering the circumstances this is not the right time for us, right? And how sweet it would be to win this challenge. Vivi notifies: Now I’m a challenge for you?

London brushes with his finger over her lips, unleashing a hot electrifying fever running through her whole body, down her spine. She closes her eyes the feeling is wild and urgent it wants to be quenched right now but the way how he teased her she could not give in, not now and not like this. She wants him to suffer like she does and thinks: “Okay you think you can play? I play better.” She grasps his muscular left upper arm with her tiny soft tender fingers at first a bit gentle and then stronger. He feels how her cute little fingers try to escape his embrace and can’t help but smile.

London dreamy: So close, almost, so delicate and yet so far away…ts, ts.. so sad.

The tease is real, this man is going to be her death that’s for sure, she thinks.

Leonie: Big Beeeen, are you coming? I’m dyin’ over here Schätzchen* Vivi teases: London, you should go to your what did she say? “Schätzcken”*??? Whatever that means but she's hungry to ring your bells, go on ‘Big Ben’! London confirmed: I promise, I'm getting rid of her, okay? Vivi: Sure thing! I'm leaving now. London teases: 8 pm, Fusionics, still stands right? Vivian smiles: I don't know if I will come, I need to think about it. London serious: I'll be there, if you don’t show up we will have a serious talk, girl. Vivi confirms: We will see. London snickers: Do you mind if take care now of my business? Vivi: Sure, go ahead, guess I will see your poor ass later. London laughs: You wish Viv, you wish...

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*Post 29 explains the word - go and check out ;) if you haven’t read it yet!

[suepixels]

36 | German Chick

He goes back to the bathroom. Leonie expects him to join but London stops in front of the shower. He looks serious.

Leonie sweet: I’ve got some sweet treats for your ‘Big Ben’, hottie. Will you come?

For a second he was thinking about to join and enjoy it, he is a free man after all. But Vivi was all over his mind and that made him rethink to join, he couldn’t continue…regardless of how seductive this situation was. It didn’t feel right anymore. But he does not miss the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of Leonie’s flawless natural shape of her body at least for a moment. 

London dry: Look, as soon you’re done with the shower, you need to leave. Leonie: I heard a female voice, is that the reason why it took you so long to come back? London: Your guess is correct.  Leonie surprised: What? What did you just say? You know we just fucked and we wanted to “shower” together. Because of her, you don’t want to continue? Who is she? London: Yeah, sorry changed my mind and for your information, it’s none of your business. Leonie speechless: Wow! A few seconds ago you wanted to fuck me right here and now you’re talking to me like this? I thought we connected? London: You said it, “wanted” past tense. Connected? Physically, yes but that’s it. Leonie pissed: Why? Wait, nevermind, whatever… *Fick Dich!  London: I’m leaving you alone now and I will overhear what you just said, so much I know what that means. Be ready in 20. I need to leave. Leonie: Oh yeah, let me teach you a bit more. How about that? **Gibt’s dich auch in Nicht-Scheiße? London raises his eyebrow: Seriously “Scheiße”? come on, Leonie Leonie feisty: Oh yeah? I didn’t insult you I just described you, learn fuckin’ German if you want to understand. London: Fine, good thing is that this will be a one-time-only experience with you, sweetheart. Thanks for the good fuck, tho. Much appreciated.

Leonie was fuming, she slammed the glass door of the shower and turned on the hot water. London sighs he had no time to deal with this type of behavior right, he went to the kitchen.

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*Fick Dich = F* you ;) ** Gibts dich auch in Nicht-Scheiße? = Is there a non-shitty version of you?

[suepixels]

38 | Calling

London get’s up and walks slowly towards the fireplace while he dials RJ’s number. His line is free. After 30 seconds, he becomes a little impatient.

“RJ, man pick up your damm phone.”

“You’ve tried to reach RJ Holmes. I’m currently unable to answer your call. In urgent cases and if business-related contact my partner London Canoway. If this is not urgent, and you’d like me to callback then please leave your name and number after the beep.”

Beep... “Damm RJ it’s noon already. Sleepyhead, I know it’s a rainy day and you’re probably not in the mood for a chat after last night...pause... sighs... Look call back, you know I have to be back at the office on Monday and I just checked our quarterly financial report, we need to talk.”

London sighs...ends his call, sits down on the armchair and bows his head. He has to close his eyes simply because his mind is spinning and RJ is giving him a headache. He wishes he could help him somehow, he could bet that RJ is still in bed, he saw that he called. A new habit since he lost his wife and children.

“I know you do see that I just called. Damm, your ass needs to get kicked, bro.”

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[suepixels]

37 | Rainy Business

Leonie didn't leave him without missing the opportunity to leave a last side blow, of course, he ignored her strike. Sure he could understand her, after all, London wasn't the nice guy next door towards her either. The way he just dumped her was the only way to really get rid of her without having to explain why, excluding the attached typical drama.

After his breakfast, London goes to his home office lights up the fireplace, tells Alexa to play his favorite “Rainy Jazz Lounge Music Playlist” via Youtube just to fit the rainy day outside  🎧  why not, right? Within 30 minutes the weather has switched, probably it wouldn’t be a bad idea to check the weather forecast for tonight, as well. Even tho, London loves rainy days but just not today. Nonetheless, he is looking forward to tonight's dinner with Vivi. Having her on his mind makes him start to dream for a few seconds. Around his lips, a little smile starts to show up as his eyes brighten and he recalls his memory about their little exchange this morning. She reminded him of a walk through a wild forest. A familiar emotion he used to have, a feeling that felt like being at peace.

In his mind, he walks through a green lavish forest and he visualizes her eyes in every hue of the forest, rimmed cooly with moss. If you are early in the woods you can literally smell the fresh morning dew which covers mother nature like silk in the morning. Her eyes are like those sparkly waterdrops on those leaves, who light up the shades of their green diversity. Their lightness reminded him of summertime when the sun-rays warmed each extended leaf. Next to the shade of her wonderful hair, a thousand shades of gold that made new mosaics each moment promising a warm summer air. She is alive in the same way birds are, casually wild and wonderful to enjoy.

But London already figured her out a pure raw emotion lies beneath her sweet leafy shade and if you observe her closely, her eyes will reveal the exact thought that crosses the marvels of her fantastic mind. Vivi’s eyes glow with humor and playfulness and seem as if they would never escape her eyes, regardless of how hard destiny would play her.

He whispers more to himself “Fuck this woman is killing me before we even kissed”, focus man, get back to work”, he smiles.

He has still some business correspondence to do today, regardless if RJ is mourning or not but the work needs to be done. It does bother him a little that RJ is not able to get back to work even if he understands his situation, more than anyone in his family could but their company is still in that phase of the first three years which means they need to keep the focus on business until their enterprise will be truly established as a successful one. Especially when you consider the phrase “make it or break it”.

The fact is their team is waiting for further detailed instructions on how to proceed with their “RED” Project which is up in smoke and he has to get in touch with the San My City Committee on Monday. London has to make sure that this project will be executed very well. A tremendous possible amount of revenue for their company is in the pipeline for them too and they need this money to get off the ground. More new engineering projects will come with that and RJ needs an assistant sooner or later either way. So who knows maybe an assistant can help him to focus his mind on his work again. London wants to make it easier for him to come back. Therefore he writes his assistant via email and asks her to place a job advertisement that Holmes & Canoway Engineers Corp. is looking for a technical drawing assistant. RJ needs to get back his ass to the office soon, he can't let loose like this.

London checks his mail of the latest quarter financial report and thinks:��

“Once we finish this project successfully our reputation will grow immensely and this could end up well for us. We will be flooded with inquiries and new construction contracts. Our company needs that opportunity if we want to expand and get recognized in our field of profession. After this weekend I need to go back to our headquarter. For fuck’s sake RJ, man I need you - our company needs you”. 

He sighs, how else can he support RJ to heal, quicker? Maybe he should contact his mother Lala simply because she has usually a great connection to him and she feels his pain, too. Mr. Holmes Senior, on the other hand, seems to be the typical Holmes man who doesn’t show any sort of emotions on the outside. Those Holmes men are truly a piece of work, always in the need to be in control of any situation. But when life happens, you can’t control everything. How else can he make RJ accepting his fate and motivate him to keep him moving?

London leans back in his chair, closes his eyes for a short moment and listens to the crackling fire sparkles between the piano tunes accompanied by a rainy sound. Life is a bitch it hits you mercilessly when you expect it at least and yet it grants you hope then again. A hope of true love at a time one expects it at least.

Imani was right... luckily he could leave Farrah behind and a new unexpected journey awaits tonight. Hope, laughter, and love that’s what he wishes for his buddy RJ to find again, as well.

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[suepixels]

33 | Mist [🔗]

After Vivi had left, London loses himself in his mind and strolls by the fireplace up to the window. He needed a second to collect himself before he could face Leonie, again. London looks out of the window, sometimes he wishes to have a balcony in this apartment. He envisions he would inhale the cold morning breeze that also strokes his skin. He would feel lighter, he really is needing this right now. His mind is filled all over sudden with so many bright but also some melancholic thoughts. He didn't expect Vivi to show up. If he would have known this, Leoni wouldn't be here. 

The first time RJ introduced him to his wife’s sister made them both instantly click. They were gushing about their lives within seconds with smiles lighting their faces. Whenever they have seen each other afterward they developed a sweet playful banter. A little tease here and a little tease there always filled up with a genuine sincere heartwarming feel and yes it felt natural like home. He liked her, he liked her a lot.

Surprised by her appearance out of the blue in front of his door and before she started to talk he noticed a small movement that might be negligible for others, but definitely not for him. It lasted only seconds, as her head was first lowered before she gazed at him, he already smiled, simply because he knew he would see her unique smile. As soon she raised her eyes, she evoked instantly that sensation of warmth in him, as her eyes were filled with rays of light. Her smile is like a sunbeam that falls on your face in the morning and warms you. You enjoy this moment as the glittering of the sunrays is illuminating you too.

Inwardly he cussed “For fuck’s sake” how badly he would have liked to accept her invitation if he would have been alone. Inevitably he had to get straight to the point and disclose to her that he had company.

Despite the fact that he wasn’t alone, the tease and tension between them felt real. He had to challenge Vivi and show that he is not disinclined. Their little flirting felt like a tender bond that needs to be protected. Luckily the unfortunate situation did not destroy their bond. Seeing her like this, feisty and challenging made him like her even more. It felt good to find out that she seems to love to challenge him. It wasn’t his intention to switch their relationship into this game they just ended up doing because In her presence he felt he could be himself. Her sweet feminine charm made him melt with her disarming smile, he truly adores her. How stupid must he have been to make it a condition that he won’t be the one who is going to kiss her first? A little sigh with a smile escapes his lips.

Although her gentle smile tried to hide her grieving eyes, which also revealed a profound inner pain. Underneath all those layers of deep pain in these eyes, he saw a wonderful bonfire blazing, all deeply rooted. Nevertheless, he craved to have that fire burning for him. 

London did not expect to fall in love anytime soon although Vivi is absolutely capable to make him fall in love with her. They have the time and he is willing to wait as long as it takes. He understands that she lost her sister Diosa, therefore, he didn’t want to rush anything at the current stage with her. London knew why she came, nobody could understand her better but him. Beside RJ? She had really nobody she could talk to about her sister, not her parents or brother even. 

Based on what he heard about them between Vivi’s lines, especially about her parents who seem to be pretty selfish and self-centered he had an idea how she was raised. Her connection to her brother was not really clear to him, either. Simply because they haven’t really talked about him that much but he will find out soon all the details about her life. Sometimes you start to wonder why such parents want kids in the first place. You have to have a driving license to drive a car but why does not exist a “raising license” for future parents? Some should not be allowed to raise kids, period! Vivi needs to overcome her pain and it will take time but he will be there for her. London will hold and comfort her if she needs him.

The pain of losing a sibling is impossible to describe. The hurtful truth to face the reality that you will never see their laughter ever again? It breaks you and your heart feels unspeakably heavy. You fall apart because you lost a part of yourself. An understanding without even expressing it, another thing they had in common: The loss of a beloved sibling.

He looked at the cold morning that swept over the city at the dawn, you could literally feel the inscrutable mist that surrounded San My. So you are roaming in the haze, hoping for the smoke to die and for the rising sun to rewarm all of your soul.

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[suepixels]

34 | Pinky Promise  [🔗]

Five years earlier. Oasis Springs Private Hospital Center.

London: Fancy hospital, Ima. Imani smiles: Thanks to your friend RJ. Otherwise, I would have to die ugly in a public community hospital. You found a very supportive friend in him. London: He is and I honestly don’t know how to thank him. I mean he offered it and I was first hesitant but you know him when he wants to do something he goes for it. Once I finish my degree he will get the money back. I can’t take this money from him. And you, young lady, you’re not gonna die. Imani. I need you to rest, you need to be fit for tomorrow. Imani snickers: Do I really need to rest? I want to stay awake as long as I can. I will have enough time to rest forever tomorrow if I don’t make it. London stares emptily: Not, funny sis, not at all. Don’t fill up your mind with negativity. You have to think positive, please. Imani soft: Big Bear, come here to me, don’t be sad. London chokes at his own words: I don’t want to lose you, Ima I think we should cancel the surgery and take the time we have? Imani: Does it make that much of a difference if I die tomorrow or sometime soon either way? London devastated: It does make a difference to me. At least we can create at a few more memories, we could spend more time together before...before you..., sigh! Imani smiles softly: Before I leave you? Do you think I want to die? London bites his lip: No, of course not but I’m not ready if I’m going to lose you tomorrow. You’re all I have, Ima. Imani nods: We will never be ready for this but it will happen. Sometimes we don’t know when and sometimes you know. The second option gives us at least the opportunity to say all that needs to be said and done. But there is something that makes all that easier, bear. London: What’s that? Imani smiles tender and bright: I know that you love me unconditionally and even if I should die tomorrow during the surgery. I will take your love with me and before that happens I want you to know you have all my love. Thank you for taking care of me, protecting me, saving me and loving me. You’re my hero, brother bear.

The feeling of powerlessness spreads and his throat gets tight, he suffocates. Her words are filling his eyes with tears. He fights inwardly hard not to burst into a river of tears.

London in a monotone voice: It sounds like a goodbye. I don’t like the sound of your words. Imani tender: Hey don’t cry now. I’m still alive, right? I will fight but there is something you have to do for me as well. London: What? Imani: Call RJ, he is a good guy. I love to see you both together. He’s like the brother you never had. Let him be there for you if I don’t make it.  London's voice breaks: Ima you are my sister.... hell no, it won’t happen. Imani insists: Call him, bear! I want to be in the know that he will catch you if you fall. Because if so I won’t be able to do this for you. You will soon graduate and I’m sure you will be a great man, a father, and a best friend. With RJ as your “bro” next to you? He will do the job for me, I just know. Never let him down, okay? London covers his face with his hands: Okay, you talk as if this is set in stone, already. Stop talking as if it’s already over. Imani sad: I’m realistic. If I don’t try, I will still die and even if I should lose? At least I tried to stay alive for the sake of both of us, right? London clenches his chin: Yes.. short pause... They removed your beautiful hair...Ima. Imani: Sexy, huh? This is fucked up I know but at least I can die bold. London laughs with tears in his eyes. Ima, are you trying to cheer me up?  Being bald makes you bold?  Imani smiles tearfully: Time fries when I’m with you, bear.

Both fall into a peal of short laughter, it’s a little insider joke from the past when times were rougher. Afterward, she gets serious her following lines burn into his heart. It was unspeakable painfully hard to face reality in the eye.

“Bear, pinky promise that you will be happy in case I’m gone tommorrow. Pinky promise me that you will find someone who loves you unconditionally like I do. Someone who would do everything for you as you did for me, my big brother-bear. Promise me to get rid of Farrah, she is a time-waste. I know you love her but she doesn’t love you”.

“Pinky Promise, I swear, Ima.”

London is rocking from one side to the other on the bed. Suddenly he trembles, he stands up quickly and wraps his arms around himself. Imani follows him. 

Imani reaches out with her hands: Let me hug you, bear. You know I love you, right? As soon she taps his shoulder he grabs her and turns her around to hug her from behind, she feels how his body is shaking. He hugs her hard, a little too much almost, as he lays his head on her shoulder. It’s a protective big brother hug wishing he could save her.

London cracks: We only have us. I love you, Ima, please don’t leave me. I need you. Don’t try to comfort me! Fuck I should hug and comfort you, you’re my baby sis. Please fight tomorrow, promise me.  Imani sobbingly: For you, I will fight.

As a big brother, sometimes a day comes in your life when you have to respect your baby sister’s potential last wish as a mature and intellectual woman. Pinky Promise it is and he has to fulfill her last will.

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[suepixels]

39 | Scronful Laughter

What a fucked up rainy Saturday, yet it fits his today's mood. RJ is still in bed, an exhausted deep sigh escapes his lips. The pain of being still somewhat drunk after last night isn’t making him feel any better. His head explodes and throbs loudly, obviously, he has had a few drinks too many. How long has it been since he paid any attention to how much he drank? RJ prefers to be in control of his senses, but last night, last night it just went out of control. It was so smooth and simple to just let everything slip so easily. Trying to be in control is so exhaustive and tiring.

But where was he trying to escape to? He didn't know, he just wanted to numb the deep pain in his heart. Alyssa was a hopeless attempt to numb his heart, a sound of invisible silent pain that strikes his heart. Somehow he feels guilty about what he did. Out of nowhere, he hears a chatter of children outside. RJ closes his eyes, covers his ears with the pillow beneath his head. Still, even under the protection of the pillow cotton he could not escape overhearing the loud laughter and chatter of those kids.

Alex and Christina cross his mind, he tries to remember their faces, their facial expressions but he is unable to stop the tears, they just run down silently. How much he desires to feel their warm embrace and laughter. How much he wishes he could talk to them listen to their chatter, smile, and laugh with them. RJ opens his eyes, wiping off his tears. Nobody is able to understand what he lost and how could they? They talk as if they would know what it means to lose a part of yourself. How can anybody in his family understand his pain? They pretend to know but they truly can’t none of them have lost anybody important in their life so far and the smallest thing reminds him of his past which he cannot escape, regardless of what he tries. Yeah London feels his pain and he believes him but RJ truly believes that nobody can help him to get rid of this pain.

Deep inside he could feel how his heart started to race, trying to warn him to tell him  “Look, man, you can’t stay here in San My and deal with all that, go and sort your shit out”. He imagined all the sad faces of the funeral. In his head, he pictured each one of them with a clown mask and a hand-drawn fake tear who are laughing at him. 

How can they feel what he feels? Deep inside, a part of him has died with them together. His head is spinning again, he closes them trying to eliminate all his thoughts. Peace, is it too much to ask for just a little bit of fucking peace? No kids laughter, no blonds, no women at all... But where could he escape?

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[suepixels]

01 | Prelude 

RJ: It’s dark in here, kids. Where are you?  I can't see you guys. Diosa, are you there? Why in the hell is it so freakin’ dark in here? Come on, guys! This is not funny at all. Where is the light switch?

Suddenly he hears children's laughter in the distance. Little light footsteps triple on the concrete floor. They stop walking, now he hears them whispering.

Child One: Daddy is not gonna find us. Child Two: [giggles] We hide good, daddy is funny. Child One: Daddy loves to play hide and seek with us. Daddy! Daddy, we are ready, try to find us…

RJ hears them running and giggling around, but he is unable to see them. RJ rubs his eyes desperately to see more clearly, trying to see them and locate where the running and giggling is coming from.

RJ: Christina? Is that you? Where is Alex? Kids, can you please stop playing? Get over here. I can’t see you - it’s so freakin’ dark in here. It’s not the time to play now, hide and seek. Both of you stop that, now! I’m trying to find your mommy.

Silence…

After a few minutes that feel like hours, his children talk to him again.

Both: Daddy, mum is sleeping, we cannot wake her up. Daddy? We are tired of playing hide & seek. Will you read us a story in our beddy, daddy, please..?

Before he can respond, he hears them giggling and running away, again. Suddenly there is only silence ... Nothing but pure darkness.

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@ellemant Josie, I love you! Thank so so much for creating those first two tots - poses! I’m forever thankful and for handing over the man I love, hehe! Hey RJ fella’s ready to join the dark side with me? Well, and so let the story begin, hope you are ready for my bleak psychothriller with Mr. RJ Holmes.  Dear Fellow Simmers, some may know that I love to add music videos for the mood under my stories. If you love to listen to it on my story page you can click on the headphone next to the story and it will open up a new tab and you can listen. Whenever I publish a post with music it will be added to this playlist ;)

[suepixels]

28 | Tonight  [🔗]

RJ low: Tell, why are we here again? Nicky: It was supposed to be a fun night out, remember? RJ sarcastic: Right, fun...well I tried... RJ drifts away in his thoughts. All three look over the skyline of San My and after a while, he starts to talk. “I can do so many things alone and nobody knows me better than I do, besides her. I can laugh at myself, betray and lie. I can do this very well, every one of us is capable of doing this. But there is a point where we all fail. You can’t kiss yourself and I will tell you why - you do need another pair of lips on yours to have this feeling of peace inside, to feel complete. You know what I’m talking about. I’m broken, you guys. There is nothing and I feel this numb darkness.

I’m talking about the dark void she left. Diosa took the light of my life with her. I tried to fill up this emptiness and darkness inside with something. But I can only try to kill off that feeling temporary with sleep, hot shower, punching the bag, alcohol and now you can add even sex on that list... he continues sarcastically. In between, it keeps coming back to me. I try so hard to nip that pain in the bud. But what do I feel? My heart is shattered in countless pieces and it does feel unbearable. There is no escape, I’m trying! Trust me you don’t want to feel that way.

You have to live in this moment and don’t take anything for granted. It felt so natural that they have been a part of my life and now there is nothing. I mean I was grateful but I think I was expecting we would grow old together and I took that for granted. From the moment she entered my life she changed me, she gave me peace and tonight I just proved to myself that I lost myself and my self-control. It shows that I’m not worthy to be loved by her but there is one thing I’m relieved that she won’t find out... he sighs.

Manny: And what is that? RJ: She will never experience the pain I would have caused. She would have left me. I’m disgusted by myself. There is no future without them in it and my present time is not pleasant, either. Manny soothing: Aren’t you a bit too hard on yourself, brother? RJ stares straight ahead helplessly: What I’ve done tonight, right after the mother of my kids is six feet under together with them? No, I’m not hard enough. I deserve to be alone. Manny soft: Look, you wouldn’t have done this if she would be alive, RJ! You’re not like that, none of us is. There is no need to feel guilty and you don’t deserve this. RJ: Yeah, she’s my wife I do feel guilty. Nicky is also not like that..., right? Nicky hisses: Go to hell, RJ. I’m not married and who knows if I will get married, ever. Maybe I’m doomed, too. I thought Sophie would be my final destination. RJ daring: As if Sophie could heal your broken heart. Deep inside you know the truth, Nicky. Be happy that she left you, she set you actually free, you should thank her. She did you a favor. You prefer to suffer and you just don’t want to face it, it’s that simple. Admit to yourself that you’re wrong. You need to let it go. Whatever happened between you and Max you need to forgive yourself and start over as long as you can. You feel guilty and still, you take Max’s love for granted. No wonder why she hated you all those years, now it’s your chance to make it up to her. Take that chance, before you get really doomed. Nicky defending: You are wrong, I felt content with Sophia, safe. I don’t take Max for granted but she was so unpredictable until her accident! Everything between us is just a huge mess. I don’t know how to solve this. Seriously, don’t go there, cuz. RJ calm: Are you listening to yourself? Content? What does that mean? Fix it soon before it’s too late. If you don’t I’m telling you this right now you will never find peace in someone else. Keep running away but it will come back to you like a boomerang, Nicky. Whatever stops you to be with her get over it. Look at me Nicky, I’m broken and I cannot be fixed. I can’t get her back, it’s done it’s over. It's final, do you understand me? Manny thoughtful: Damm, I love Ava but she is giving me currently a hard time. I’m sure we will get over it but no one told us life would be easy. Life sucks at times and all that we can do is face it like a man and get over it but sometimes it’s not that easy. RJ you know it, everyone one of us knows. RJ soft: Whatever you’re facing Manny, I’m sure this is just a phase. Nicky: I understand, RJ what you are trying to say here. We all have our own demons to fight... but I guess this thing is called “Fucking Life”, guys. RJ pissed: Fuck life, I don’t give a damm right now there is nothing left for me. Nicky snickers: Who’s lying now? You do give a damm, RJ otherwise you wouldn’t jump on that guilt trip of yours. All three sink in their own world for a while, facing their fears of what the future holds for them. 

RJ whispers: Is this my life now? Only pain? After Diosa, Alex, and Christina? Nicky: At some point, you need to take that ring off - it gives a wrong impression. RJ sharp: Fuck you, Nicky! Nicky teases: I see, but didn’t you say you aren’t worth her love? Manny: Nicky you’re for real a dick, was that really necessary? RJ dark: You are right. Nicky serious: Man, I was joking. RJ wistful: That’s all that I have, and all she left. A piece of metal she used to wear. She promised to love me till death do us part. This is our symbol that she existed and used to be mine. Her ring is on my side table next to my bed. Nicky: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to... RJ sad: I know, Nicky... I know what you mean, it’s okay...

The dark-blue skyline over San My makes you feel calm and peaceful. Some of the stars shine brighter tonight. Still, their destiny lurks in the darkness behind a corner like a fucking wrecking ball, waiting to strike again and again. Amongst the unpredictable chaos right there within a construction called “Life” there was a soothing universal knowledge. Whatever happens, will happen and it will pass by for sure. Tomorrow will come, it will force you to continue. Once you have a deep scar visible on your skin, can you make it invisible again? No, you can’t but you can learn to live with it. When life gives you lemons it’s up to you what kind of juice you will create. At the end of the day, you have no other option but to deal with it and move on with your life.

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[suepixels]

27 | Guilt  [🔗]

Nicky leans on the bar next to RJ. Nicky: Hey cuz, why are you sitting here alone? RJ: Nicky... I’m so fucked. Nicky: How so? RJ: This is, no wait, this was so wrong... I guess I let myself go in the heat of the moment, fuck I’m drunk. Nicky: Come on, RJ are you on a guilt trip now? RJ: I love Diosa; Nicky... for fuck sake. Nicky: You will always love her but she is no more. RJ: Yeah, thanks for the reminder... I mean I buried her body today and I did this now, I’m a horrible husband. Nicky: Holmes Curse is hitting on you already, huh? Don’t let it eat you up from the inside. You’re a widower officially you did nothing wrong, RJ. RJ sarcastic: I’m doomed to be alone for the rest of my life. Nicky: RJ, look you did nothing wrong. You’re in pain that’s all and it’s okay to be in pain. The only thing you did since they died was grieving and that is okay. too. But you can’t stop living your life, understand? You need to move on, say goodbye. You just had meaningless sex and at least for a moment you could forget, am I right? All the anger, the pain you have now? Won’t go away so quickly and yeah we kinda motivated you to go there. Free your mind a little, so stop fucking thinking about the curse. RJ low: I-, I can’t Nicky. I think I just drowned my sorrow and pain in sex. I will never love someone so much like her. Nicky: See this what I mean, do whatever it takes to make you feel better again. Forget the curse, you will love again. RJ gasps: I can’t breathe, Nicky... it hurts, it fucking hurts now even more. I would never cheat on her, you know that, right? What can I do to stop this pain? Tell me, Nicky? RJ takes another sip of his bourbon, tries to numb his feeling and wash away his guilt. He puts his head on the bar and closes his eyes. RJ silent: I want to die, Nicky. I want to be with them together. Nicky angry: Listen to me, you did not cheat on her, am I clear? Don’t you dare to say that again, understand? Your drunk ass needs some fresh air. Do you want to go upstairs? Let’s get upstairs on the balcony, let’s get some fresh air. Manny move your ass, your brother needs you, we’re going upstairs. Manny worried: What is going on? Sure, I’m coming... London concerned: I’m coming too. Nicky firm: All good you can stay here, we will be back. London: Are you sure? Nicky winks: Positive, keep flirting. It’s all good.

Nicky, RJ, and Manny walk upstairs to the VIP lounge, they head outside.

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[suepixels]

26 | Conversation  [🔗]

While RJ waits for his drink he observes what is happening at their table. They are obviously in a conversation with some ladies. The redhead was still there, trying to hit on Nicky but he seems to be annoyed by her. London looked up shortly to RJ. He was kinda distracted when he saw RJ coming, but then he turned his head back and continued to talk to the blond girl next to him, they were flirting. The third lady was in a conversation with Manny, they seem to get along fine.

Nicky just noticed that RJ is back and that he sat down at the bar, their eyes meet.

Nicky: Rie, look my cousin is back and I need to talk to him. Rie chatty: Oh, really? Are you sure that he wants to be disturbed? I think he just had a blast of fun with my girl Alyssa. Nicky fake smile: Well I don’t need your approval to talk to him, right? Rie: Wow, I didn’t bite you, screw you. Nicky: Look I’m not interested in talking to you and yeah, not sorry. I gotta go.

Nicky rolls his eyes, gets up. London: Dude, what’s up? Nicky: I need fresh air and RJ is also at the bar, I need to talk to him. London smiles: I see.

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[suepixels]

20 | Concerns [🔗]

The doctor leaves. RJ is pretty much annoyed by this conversation. His mood swings are simply too obvious.

London: Look RJ, I don’t want to be a downer, but do you honestly think it’s a great idea to go out tonight? You should rather rest. Don’t take it lightly. We can skip today and go out tomorrow, it’s still weekend. RJ: If you feel fine, you can play my babysitter or personal bodyguard whatever suits you. London: This is not funny, RJ within a few minutes your mood has changed several times now. RJ: Yes, it is funny. My mood swings have something to do with the nonsense I had to deal with the doctor, got it? I just want to party hard tonight and feel a bit free for a night at least. I’m not going to be a boozer. Come on Londy step out of your comfort zone and let’s enjoy tonight. I don’t want to think about anything else. Don’t mention their names to me tonight either. I’m trying hard to move on. Today I buried my soul with them so simply stop being a downer at least tonight, will you? London speechless: Did you just call me Londy? Dude? Are you for real? RJ snickers: Once you stop acting like a pussy, I will call you by your real name again, Londy. London gives up: Okay whatever, fine. RJ: Wonderful, so I have my buddy back? London: Yeah, okay I’m not going to bother you with my concerns tonight. RJ: Thank you! Hungry? I'm going to order some pizza. Same as usual? London: Spicy BBQ Buffalo Chicken Pizza? RJ: I’m in, need some hot stuff right now. London: Hot stuff, huh? Already? RJ smirks: Yeah, some Jalapenos on top with some wonderful ingredients on the pizza! What are you thinking? Bro, you need to chill and even if...I am free again, right? London: Right...  London knew RJ, he was hinting on something between the lines. If RJ does something stupid tonight he will regret it tomorrow, so much he does know. RJ calls the delivery service 45 minutes later they got their pizza and ate it. 7 pm already.

RJ: Tonight I want to have fun. Do me a favor and don’t be a downer, okay? London: Sure, I would love to have a fun night. It’s been a while. RJ: Now we are on the same page, again.

After dinner, London went quickly upstairs to change his clothes. Fifteen minutes later they hit the road to Uptown - the Upper Westend District of San My.

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