#turtles - this was the shirt I talked about in our dms

[dribs-and-drabbles]

The Thai Communal Wardrobe item #22

The Shipper ep 10:

The Warp Effect ep 9:

Be My Favourite ep 11:

Last Twilight ep 2:

for @waitmyturtles 💙

[thrashmaiden]

Evilutione5150

@evilutione5150   

Writing this here seems like a better idea then hammering it out in my physical journal since this is where our friendship began.

Preparing to age myself heavily as I pour my thoughts out into the tumblr void. Thinking about how online culture helped shape me, helped me find friends and connect with the various fringe subcultures littered around the country. What started as a way to pass time in a telco job with unlimited access to the net and a barely basic understanding I started this Tumblr roughly 12 years ago and Acky aka @evilutione5150 was one of my first friends. 

He joked with me about music, art, 80s t.v or movies and never missed a pun or 10 deep simpsons quote. He was kind and abrupt and not once did he slide into my DMS looking for an ass pic. 

For a girl on tumblr into heavy metal facing the brunt of aggression from men for ‘doing it for attention’ combined with the misstep of using the hashtag #metalchick to try and find other girls into metal and finding only hate, he was a breath of fresh air. No hate, no pick up lines or sleeze. We just chatted like we were stood next to each other at a show. 

The first time he posted about one of my fave local and best mates band I instantly reblogged it, excited, they were going to absolutely kill it and they were making people happy and here was the proof, in Ackys words, they did it! He enthusiastically chatted with me about them and would tell me about their shows from across the country. 

He was not shy with coming forward about what he did and did not like but more then anything he was inclusive and passionate. Seems like everyone is striving to be exclusive these days, which is wonderful, but he didnt need to learn that, or be shown, he didnt need to be shamed or bullied into it, it was just a small part of the foundation of Acky. 

His passion saw him front of the gig, supporting the scene with promos, podcasts, designing shirts and sharing information on pretty much every platform, and for free. 

He did so much, just this one guy and now he is just gone?

His shirt designs are still in my top 3 rotations and I have taken my ‘ big sunglasses, very important’  shirt on every trip I have been on and it has been the best conversational piece. His humor translated well through his art and shirt designs. The dry blunt Aussie humor mixed with heavy metal references have lead to me meeting so many new people and each time I would let him know....dude....people LOVE your shirts! 

so whats a t shirt? whats the big deal and how does this make him inclusive?

Ackys humor made me feel seen and made me feel like I had somewhere when for most of my life I have been a nomad. He created a way for people to talk to me, to point at my shirt, laugh and strike a convo and some of those interactions have turned into life long friendships. 

I'm sure now there are plenty of fifth element or robocop album cover mash ups but at the time he was doing something really cool for so many people involved in fandoms that spanned so far. I chat to so many people about wrestling, or troma films or sci-fi and retro gaming because of Acky. His humour just translated well enough and was not at the expense of others (unless you were a politician) nor was it just a cash grab because pizza+ninja turtles+slayer=profit. He just threw his passions and artistry together and ran with whatever came out which in turn created a wicked community around him. 

We initially bonded over BLS, we had the same necklace charm with the logo on a dinky ball chain straight from the 2010s and would discuss at length what shows we would go to, albums we liked, new projects Zakk worked on and he would share his own musical talent which he had a lot of. He spoke kindly of his son and quite frequently would sacrifice his time or skip shows he had been talking about and dreaming about to spend time with him and not once did he complain about the trade off. 

I truly think that over the years he has been my biggest supporter in whatever I do. My strongest confident and kindest advocate. We shared our rough times and he would recommend songs or thow me a meme to let me know he understood. 

Now as his name slips down my message inbox, and as I post, his notification isn't the first to pop up anymore I feel a new kind of lonely. 

Its a kind of lonely I haven't felt since we met from a feeling that goes deeper then a romance or a family bond. He made a community and he let me in.

I hope I made him feel less lonely and I hope I could be there for him the way he was for me. I hope he knew he was loved and that his art and the community he built will live on in some way. I hope his spot at shows is filled and someone else is there to reach out to let others know they have somewhere to belong, if not in person then just online.

He went through a lifetime of pain and discomfort so the idea he is relaxing with his guitar, or cracking his fingers to write out another review or chuckling to himself as he edits his face into another metallica meme is a nice one. 

But most of all I hope he found some happiness or comfort in the really wonderful way he impacted those that had the pleasure to know him.

As time unravels and my tears settle, I will have more to say and share but for now Im posting this knowing he wont ever see it, when after so many years on here, he was one of the only people I kept this blog alive for, for so long. 

[kyndaris]

Once More Into the Fray

This next episode of Dating 2.0 introduces our protagonist: Kyndaris as she ventures to a convention to meet up with another possible suitor. Will she find love? Or will she spend far too much on useless trinkets that’ll make moving a pain and serve to clutter up what space she has?

Catch all that and more in this week’s episode of...Dating 2.0!!

Oft times, I think it is a shame that I remain solely a text-based blog rather than putting in some effort and creating a podcast or YouTube video. But then I think about having to edit them and I pat myself on the back. After all, I don’t need to suffer through the cringe of listening to my voice over and over and over again as I edit. Nor do I have to endure seeing my ugly mug on my screen as I chuck on filters to streamline my appearance to appease my own vanity.

But, back to the topic at hand.

Following on from my first Saturday visit, I was invited to Oz Comic-Con by a second individual that I had met on Hinge. Let’s call him Kaneki. Although I was sure he wanted to meet up early and take a gander around the stalls with a companion at his side, I was a little wary that our first meeting might not go as planned. Easier, I told myself, if we set out time for ourselves rather than push ourselves into each other’s company for hours on end and then find it wanting.

So, arriving a bit late to Oz Comic-Con (and managing to avoid the rain), I headed inside the Olympic Park Dome where the event was being held. Due to the forecast of rain, the event organisers had arranged for most of the food trucks to remain indoors at the far end of the event hall. And while it was a trek to reach them, it also meant that should the storm break and water come thundering down, at least all participants would remain dry.

I’m unsure if, however, that influenced the more cramped layout of the rest of the convention. Several stalls of artist’s alley were pushed up against the side. Coupled with individuals stopping in the middle of the walkway to chat with their friends, it became a nightmare to navigate from one end to the other.

There were times that I had to divert around the die just to get to my destination.

Still, despite the influx of visitors and curious first-timers, I managed to see what was on offer - from tee turtle shirts to posters to board games. In fact, I even managed to sign myself up for a short Dungeons & Dragons campaign. My companions were two kids that looked about ten or under as well as a uni student that had watched quite a bit online but had decided to play for the first time.

Needless to say, it was a simple one-shot adventure where our player characters had stumbled upon a town and were requested to find and rescue a bard that had been missing for five days. The only unfortunate thing about it was one of the kids that was part of our group was keen to mess around rather than take the campaign seriously. This was despite his claims of being the dungeon master (DM) for his own games with friends.

Hopefully, he manages to learn to allow others to do a few interesting things instead of trying to dominate the choices of other players.

I fear, however, that my own biting sarcasm was starting to rear its head every time the kid tried to do something asinine. Props for the actual DM that was running the game for her patience. But considering that they have 5 years worth of experience, it probably stood to reason that they were able to entertain the kid’s fancies without it derailing her more carefully plotted out path.

And as for Kaneki, we finally met up for lunch and got to talking as we waited in line for a food truck advertising Philly cheese and steaks.

I’ll admit, I initially didn’t have the best of impressions when chatting to him on the app, but after actually meeting in person, he definitely seemed much better at conversation than first impressions had led me on the Hinge app. 

As we waited for our food, it was clear that he also consumed a lot of pop culture media - naming quite a few costumes from both anime to current television shows. It’s a feat if I’ve ever witnessed it.

But though our time was short, I like to think we had a decent first meet-up to get a feel of the other person.

My current dilemma, of course, is having to pick between the potentials. Were this an episode of the Bachelorette, I’d have to consider who to give the rose to! Certainly, not an easy decision to make when the people I’ve enjoyed chatting to have proven to be such excellent companions.

Google tells me that after the third date, a person should be able to sense if there’s chemistry. So, maybe I’ll wait for the third date with each person to get an idea? 

Argh! Why is dating so hard?

In any case, this year’s Oz Comic-Con was much better than my previous ones. I suppose it was mostly because I actually managed to get into a game of Dungeons & Dragons and enjoy an actual one-shot adventure instead of putting my name down for a game of Call of Cthulhu only to be overlooked later because a huge group had rolled by.

Or maybe the exhibitors had much more interesting things for sale?

Regardless, it was a good day out hobnobbing with fellow nerds.

[wingedweasel]

Okay, so I just had a dream about one of the D&D games I’m in. First some context, the campaign is a home brew setting. Dragons don’t exist in this world. Psych! They’re actually more powerful than all the gods put together, defeated and/or killed said gods, and now Bahamut and Tiamat are pretending to be every deity nd divvy up the prayer power to their dragon buddies. Dragons also masquerade as mortals (mostly humans because reasons) and rule over everyone without letting anyone know anything about their uber overpowered scaliness. They also know when they are being talked about, so we call them Big Mice.

The party consists of “Tired of our shenanigans Dad” Larry the tortel, very unsubtle thief Glissant the awakened ooze, “I’m not a bard” electric guitar playing warlock Eon (who also stole an angel and said angel lives in his head), flying-flaming-former soldier teifling Aria, ex-slave Goliath cleric Albados, and me, a Prism Arachi with a possibly purpousful memory problem Quidam (I didn’t realize that both the class and race were actually homebrew as I forgot to turn off homebrew settings in the character creator I was using).

Okay, onto the dream. Like most dreams, this one was immersive in that it seemed as if I was was actually there in the world as Quidam. We get a message to come to our NPC Goliath friend and he gives us a set of gloves because he can’t figure out what they do. After the others bounce some ideas back and forth, I suggest that we head to the Library (yes with a capital L) as there might be some books about the item.

There’s a record scratch as the the DM, K, asks, “how do you know about the Library?”

“I read the world lore you pinned on Discord...?”

She then goes, “you read?” Everyone laughs.

Now, keep in mind, since we play over discord, I’ve no idea what anyone but K and Glissant look like (we friends irl) but looking around as we were all sitting around a table in someone’s home, I don’t see the other players. I see their characters.

I don’t see K’s husband wearing a studded vest and pirate shirt; I see Glissant the ooze barely being contained by his wrappings making him look like a green dripping mummy.

I don’t see a human woman with fake demon wings; I see a literal winged red demon lady whose wings keep knocking things over.

I see a giant fucking anthropomorphic turtle monk laughing his ass off while piping mushrooms in his mouth.

I see... you get the idea. Anyway, I start grumbling and go off to sulk in a corner of the ceiling in my true form (arachi are kinda sorta not really spider people, so it makes sense tha Quidam can embrace his inner Spider-Man and hang upside down pouting).

Now everyone is laughing harder, but K goes, “okay, okay. We need to stop here and get to class.”

Suddenly we are no longer in someone’s kitchen. We are now in an anime style school, complete with everyone wearing Japanese high school uniforms.

I’m starting to pick up that this might actually be a dream, but roll with it because why not? So it continues. There’s a speed run montage of the day, and we all meet up again to continue playing. We all start to discuss what we want to do and in flies Harry fucking Potter.

“Nope! Too weird. Dream over” I shout and bolt awake.

This was particularly disappointing because I wanted to see what the adventure would look like throgh the les of us all being Japanese high school students. Oh well, maybe next time.

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

At some point before whenever I end up posting this thing, I posted a redesign of Queen Bee for an ML Rewrite my friend @flags-and-fanfiction at I have been working on.

In that post I mentioned our version of Black Cat!Felix who we’ve named Night Prince; this post is about his design and probably some facts about our version of Felix in general. So lets jump right into his design!

Okay so there’s his design! Sorry if the picture is just kinda stuck off to one side or something, I’m not sure why it’s doing that. Might even just be a weird thing on my side of things only? Whatever, anyways if you want more information I’ve got all kinds of fun things under the cut for you!

Just like with our lovely Queen’s redesign, I’m gonna start off with things that are actually a part of the costume and then go into other things afterwards. I think I’ll start from the top this time and then work down:

Okay so first we’ve got his black vest/over shirt thing (I’m sure there’s a proper word for it so if anyone wants to tell me feel free). Anyways, as you probably figured out already from his name being Night Prince, Felix’s costume is largely inspired by classic princely attire.

I wasn’t sure when I originally finished what you see up there, but I think now we’re probably gonna leave it pretty basic? Cause even in canon Felix isn’t really the type of character to go for some fancy, over the top, attention grabbing outfit when its completely his choice what to wear.

For the undershirt, the sleeves aren’t that big because I was trying to make him buff or anything, I just wanted puffy sleeves on his outfit

Also that bit at the top of his undershirt around his neck is supposed to be a collar; like on his regular civilian outfit, but I wanted it to have the top button undone. Just as a little nod to him being more open and free when he’s Night Prince

He has black gloves, and this is also where the only golden accent on the costume is. Because lets be real, Felix wouldn’t wan that bell on his costume. And I know that’s its not some sort of requirement of for the wielders’ costumes, because I checked the wiki page for the Ancient Chinese Black Cat Miraculous Holder (Hēi Māo) and he’s got no bell. But I still liked the little bit of gold on the costume, so that’s why hes got the golden knuckles. Also they’re good for punching if needed, and these would probably be on the knuckles you can see too; or at least the second set of knuckles

At his hips he has these dark green rope things? Again I don’t know names for things but I’m pretty I’ve seen stuff like that on prince outfits before, so its here

Next up we see some dark grey leggings. Obviously because magic jewelry, its not gonna like rip or anything regardless, but its still not quite like normal legging material, its a bit more... heavy duty I think would be the right word? Like its still fabric, but its not that super thin stuff you’d see in tights or a leotard or anything. I forgot to say it before but that goes for all of the costume, it’s all thicker than you’d probably first guess even without the miraculous magic boost

Finally, we have the shoes. On a guess most, if not all of you recognize these as being for ballet, but more specifically they’re pointe shoes. This is because in our AU, one of Felix’s activities as a civilian is ballet. To some extent his whole costume is inspired by ballet costumes

Quick side note before I finish up on the actual costume things, the reason he decided to go into ballet is because we’re saying that Emilie was a ballerina, probably not professional or anything; but she was in ballet and so Felix went into it for a connection to his mom.

Also Emilie disappeared when they were way younger, probably like five to eight or something instead of a year before canon starts up

Okay so I think that’s everything I’ve got for notes on the actual drawing. Feel free to ask questions or give suggestions or whatever if you have any. Anyways, now its time for powers, design elements that aren’t seen in the drawing, and any other cool details I can think of:

So we decided Felix would look good with long hair, its darker blond than Chloé or Adrien have but not like a super dark blonde or anything. It’s only long when he’s transformed, and he usually just keeps it in a low ponytail. But at some point, maybe its a really slow patrol day or they’re just chillin together or something, Ladybug (yes its still our lady Marinette) decides that he should experiment with his hair and decides to try out some styles on him and see what he likes

I mentioned before that he’s in ballet, but much like in for Adrien in canon, ballet is far from his only activity. Another activity of his, and one that he shares with Adrien both in canon and in our AU, is fencing; because of this we decided to make his weapon be a rapier

I didn’t draw one, but realistically there’s gotta be some sort of belt or something to store his rapier on. I don’t know what exactly that’d look like, but it’d probably have a spot for the rapier on both hips and some pockets

Okay so we don’t have a ton planned for his powers, but we are gonna have more then just Cataclysm for his powers

Also I think we’ll have Cataclysm work through his actual weapon not his claws like in the show

He will still have claws though, they’ll probably be golden tooHe’s also gonna have some sort of shadow travel type of thing, partly to help him keep up with Ladybug (since she can literally fly and still has her yoyo) but also partly. For anyone who doesn’t know, shadow travel is basically teleportation, but from one shadow to another; we’d have a different name for it though because shadow travel is the name Rick Riordan used for this in his books

His final design might have epaulets, those shoulder pad ish lookin things you see on prince outfits, but I couldn’t draw those so they’re not on here at least

We haven’t talked much about his mask, but I did find this is a google search while writing this post:

Now obviously white and gold with only little black accents isn’t really his color scheme, but something like this with different colors is definitely an idea we like for our Prince’s mask. Can’t guarantee it cause this idea is something we just thought of, but I think it’ll stay because I’m now loving the idea of Night Prince with a mask like this one

I think that’s everything we’ve got relating to Felix’s superhero persona for now. It’s probably gonna be a while before I do another post all about one of the heroes because I don’t have any other designs done. Maybe I’ll do just kinda a general info dump post about the AU as a whole? Not sure yet. But if I do make another superhero post soon then on a guess it’ll probably be on either Rusé Rouge (our Fox!Nathaniel) or Sailor Turtle (Turtle!Adrien).

Anyways, feel free to let me know your thoughts. If you have any suggestions for this design or Queen Bee’s design then feel free to comment them here, dm me, send me an ask, whatever you want. Same goes for if you have any questions about anything else for this AU, I love this AU so much and would love to share our ideas with this fandom.

[angel-in-tears]

To the first boy I loved

On April 18, you turned my world upside down. Up to that day, everything was perfect between us, as far as I knew. But you called me from a rest stop on your way back from your Cornell visit, and told me that you were breaking up with me. You said it was because of college, then you said it was because you didn’t love me anymore. Later I found out it was because you’d been talking to another girl and had feeling for her. That day, I sobbed on the phone with you. You had no emotion in your voice, you had the nerve to ask me what was wrong, why was I crying? We had plans. We were going to prom in a month, I was going to visit you at camp over the summer. We were going to do Peace Corps for a year after we graduated college, and we were going to move to Maine and have a cat, a dog, a hedgehog, and a turtle. We had planned a future together, and we were in a happy relationship. But I guess I was the only one in love. After I got off the phone with you, Sabrina came over. We didn’t talk about it, she just kept me company and tried to distract me. The next day, Sabrina came over and we posted a picture of ourselves in our Binghamton shirts. I captioned it “Cornell boys do cocaine,” and your younger brother commented on my post and told me to get over it and stop attacking you. Honestly, half of my captioned was aimed at you, because I was mad at you and you were going to Cornell, and half of it was aimed at Sabrina and I, because Binghamton is known as the Ivy League rejects. You texted me and told me to stop harassing your brother, after I texted him and told him I had a right to be sad and would appreciate it if he didn’t belittle me for a breakup that happened the day before.

For days after we broke up, I BEGGED you to take me back and try again. I missed you and loved you so much and it hurt so bad and I needed you. That was probably one of the lowest points of my life. I should never beg for someone to love me, and I never will again.

For the next few days, I was talking to Aidan Stone, because he slid into my DMs when I posted on my finsta that you broke up with me. I didn’t really like him but he gave me attention and it was a good distraction. My parents went to Florida for two weeks four days after you broke up with me so I was alone in my house. I couldn’t make myself eat because I was too sad. I lost 15 pounds in the first two weeks after you broke up with me. I ran every morning because I was angry and sad and it felt good to run until I collapsed. I went to the gym after school because I wanted to feel pain besides my heartache.

Sabrina came over every single day for weeks after we broke up, even when I didn’t feel like seeing anybody. My mom would force me to invite her over because she said that she only saw me smile when I was with Sabrina. Sabrina invited me to do things with her all the time because she wanted to distract me. I would rarely get sad when I was with Sabrina, but when I did, she could make me feel better.

In school, I had every class with Sabrina except one, and I cried in that class most days for weeks. I ended up skipping that class most days to hang out in Sabrina’s Spanish class because her teacher didn’t mind. I cried in the morning before school, and I cried after school and when I went to bed. For weeks the only thing I could do was work out and cry. I lost so much weight my clothes stopped fitting and everything was baggy on me, but I never felt hungry. After the first two weeks I was so annoyed about my clothes not fitting that I would force myself to eat high calorie foods to try to gain my weight back. Sabrina made sure I was eating enough most days, but it was so hard. The thought of food made me sick.

Declan broke up with Edith about a month after you broke up with me and Edith was really fucked up from it. But, Edith and I bonded through our breakups, and now we are really good friends. You and Declan both fucked up by breaking up with the sweetest girls you would ever meet tbh.

I got a job about a month after we broke up, at Pray’s. During the school year, I only worked weekends, but over the summer I was working 40-50 hour weeks. That helped distract me a lot, as I couldn’t think about much besides what I was doing. It helped that I worked with Kali and Hallie and we would talk to our other coworkers, so there wasn’t much time to think about you. Of course, I still did every day, but less than I had been.

I started my first friends with benefits arrangement about two weeks after we broke up. It was scary before the first time we had sex because I didn’t know if I could handle casual sex. But apparently I could, because I couldn’t feel anything at all. I couldn’t feel emotions. I had sex with six more guys that summer. I don’t entirely know why. Maybe it was for validation, maybe it was for attention, I don’t know. It didn’t make me any happier, but I continued to do it. I did develop close friendships with some of the boys I had sex with. I was already friends with Jon, I became close with Ethan, I became really close with Connor Mulligan and we talked on the phone for hours every day until college got really busy. He was one of the closest friends I had. In college, Chris and I became friends and we still talk and he’s my go-to person for certain things, but we never became super close. Connor Petersen and I started off as friends with benefits, but we became really good friends and we both realized we had feelings for each other, and we started dating in November. All the other boys are irrelevant.

Over the summer, I was basically emotionless, but sad at the same time. I started smoking weed because it numbed the sadness. I started drinking a LOT. If I wasn’t with people, I would drink alone because it helped me forget. I started vaping, because I wanted to destroy my body. I didn’t care if anything I did was bad for me or not. I didn’t care about myself at all. I didn’t think about killing myself, but I knew that I would welcome death.

My relationship with my parents started to deteriorate in June, and I lived at Sabrina’s house for about three weeks. I lived with my parents in July, and then they kicked me out to live with my aunt Donna until college started. I started therapy in July, and my therapist said that the breakup triggered my depression. In August, I was prescribed depression and anxiety pills.

When you broke up with me, I said I would never date anyone again, I refused to go through that pain again. There were plenty of people who I would probably have been interested in or caught feelings for, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was using boys as a distraction. Every person that I met on Bumble or that I already knew or that slid into my DMs, I only met for sex and made it clear that I didn’t do relationships. If we became friends, that was whatever, but I didn’t do relationships.

Connor Petersen and I matched on Bumble, and the first time we met we were just going to smoke weed and talk. The next time we hung out was the next day, and we hooked up and I slept over at his dorm and we got high and talked and we had a lot of fun. We hung out the next day and had sex and I slept over again and I told him that we were going to be best friends because I had so much fun with him. This was over a long weekend when all of his suitemates had gone home. The next Monday, we went apple picking. We continued to have sex and hang out during the week and on the weekends. About a month after we met, I told him two nights in a row that he should date me while I was drunk. I realized that I did want to date him, and my friend made me tell him when I was sober. He felt the same way towards me, and about two weeks later he brought me to the nature preserve, gave me a bouquet of sunflowers, and asked me to be his girlfriend. That was November 2nd, 7 months after you broke my heart. Today is January 7, 2020, and I have been dating Connor for a little over 2 months. I am in a happy, healthy relationship. He has introduced me to his friends, and his best friend, Alana, and I have become really good friends. I hang out with his friends and he hangs out with mine. My suitemates in college are like my family, and they all love him. Sabrina loves him, too. He’s super sweet and thoughtful and, not to be rude, but he’s better than you. When we broke up, I didn’t think I would ever find better than you, but I did. He makes me really happy.

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Not that I miss you or still love you (although I think a part of me will always love you), but that I’m ANGRY at you. I am so unbelievably pissed that you would hurt me like that. I’m over you, but I am NOT over what you did to me, and as much as I say I want you to be happy, I want you to rot in hell. I want the girl you love to rip your heart out and smash it into a million pieces. I want you to feel how I felt, and worse. I want you to feel like a complete fucking failure. I want you to cry for months on end and I want you to HATE yourself. I want you to live with the weight of knowing you weren’t enough, and that you will NEVER be enough for ANYONE. Because it has been 9 months since you broke my heart, and I’m still not healed. I thought I was, but I’ve been thinking about my relationship with Connor, and I’m scared. I’m TERRIFIED of having him hurt me the way you hurt me. I honestly don’t know what would happen if I had to deal with that again. I want to distance myself from him and fuck up my own relationship so that I have control over it ending. I love Connor a lot, but I’m afraid to go through that pain. And he promises that he will never break my heart, and never hurt me the way you did. And he’s so wonderful and such a nice guy but I can’t believe him. Because you told me you would never break my heart, but you tore it out and destroyed it, and fucked up my whole life. I won’t do anything to screw up my relationship, but I am living in constant fear of being heartbroken.

I want you to know how much you hurt me. I want you to understand what you did to me, and I want you to feel it. You killed me. I died on April 18th, 2019. I’m still not me. I don’t know who I am. I don’t remember who I was before you broke me. I want you to feel this pain. I want you to know what this feels like, this hell on earth. You deserve to feel the way you made me feel, the way I still feel.

To you, I will always say I want you to be happy. You will never get this letter, but this is how I feel.

Fuck you.