Prompt, if you’re taking them: “please. Please just listen to me” for whoever!!
so this got away from me jfdkls
Rating: T+
Pairing: Ruth Bihari x Ava du Mortain
Word Count: 1557
Content Warnings: Referenced CPTSD & Panic Attacks
10. "please. please just listen to me."
"Ruth."
Ava's heart pounds in her chest like it's trying to break through her ribs, aching to throw itself into Ruth's arms.
The woman in question doesn't look up from the cut on her hand, watching the blood drip downward as if in a daze. Ava waits another heartbeat, and then clicks her tongue, moving forward to wrap a dishtowel around Ruth's hand to help stem the bleeding. Her touch is gentle as she cradles the injured hand, kneeling carefully in front of her, avoiding the pieces of broken glass from the shattered pitcher she'd dropped trying to wash it.
Ava goes still when Ruth flinches, heart rate spiking fiercely as the air suddenly smells of adrenaline and fear. She looks up at Ruth's face, apology already falling from her lips, only to find that Ruth still isn't looking at her.
"Are you... afraid of me, Detective?"
"—what?"
Her voice comes out in a rush, and her eyes finally come up to Ava's face, leaving the mess on the kitchen floor. Ava leans away a little, trying not to flinch at the wild-eyed terror in those deep, dark brown eyes. Her breath is coming fast and ragged, and her gaze darts away a moment later, back to the shattered glass, which she immediately tries to go back to cleaning up.
"I'm — I'm so sorry, Ava. I don't know what happened. I'll clean it up, I swear, I —"
"Ruth. It's alright," Ava murmurs, unsure of what sort of state has come over her. Ava reaches out and curls her fingers under Ruth's chin, nudging until Ruth looks at her again. "It wasn't important. What's important right now is bandaging your hand."
Ruth shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut with a rough sigh. "No. No, it doesn't matter. I need to clean it up."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Of course, it matters. You are injured. That matters far more than whatever it was that broke."
Confusion crawls up her spine like the tickling feet of insects when Ruth doesn't even seem to hear her. Ava tries to get Ruth's attention again, cupping her cheek and watching the way she reacts, sighing heavily as her eyes drift shut, brows drawn low. Ruth leans into the touch, reaching up with her uninjured hand to hold Ava in place as if she is trying to ground herself.
It's almost an exact mirror of their positions after the House of Mirrors a few months ago.
Though the part of her fighting valiantly to remain numb screams at her to pull away, to leave Ruth to handle this herself, the part of Ava that is overwhelmed with affection has her staying still, stroking her thumb across the detective's cheek to swipe at the few tears that fall from her eyes. She can hear as Ruth's heartbeat starts to even out again, tension seeping from her frame the longer they sit together like this. It's not long until Ruth slumps on the tile, head bowed as she lets out a ragged, heavy sigh.
"...sorry."
Ruth breaks the silence with a barely audible rasp, hard even for Ava's ears to pick up. Long, dark curls fall into her face as she leans forward a little more, clearly trying to hide. Beneath Ava's palm, she can feel Ruth's face start to heat up even more.
A moment passes, and then Ruth leans back again, tilting her head back and avoiding Ava's gaze. Ava watches as a wall slides into place behind her eyes as she pulls Ava's hand away from her face. She huffs a half-hearted, bitter laugh, shaking her head ruefully as she moves to press on her wound with her good hand.
"You ever think you've buried something so deep that you surely don't need therapy or anything else to get over it?"
...well.
Ava almost wants to laugh at the question, but she doesn't want to break this strange atmosphere hovering over them. Ava has been cagey about her own past — of course she has — but Ruth has been just as non-forthcoming about her own. She isn't related to anyone they know the way Saoirse is, so she's been a bit of an enigma since they met 8 months ago now.
Ruth sniffles, using the towel soaking up the blood on her hand to protect her skin as she sweeps the glass into a pile. Clearing her throat, she sighs softly and says, "Can't tell you how many times me accidentally breaking something because someone startled me got me in trouble as a kid. My dad — well, my stepdad, he wasn't my dad — he used to..."
She trails off, frowning deeply as a memory passes behind her eyes. She shakes her head as if trying to shake off the cobwebs of the memory.
"Cops have a saying in some places that if you beat someone with a phonebook, it won't leave bruises. I... don't know if that's true, but he was always careful to leave the bruises where my clothes would cover them. Same with my mom, before..." she clears her throat, sighing harshly. "Before the incident."
Ava reaches out and gently nudges Ruth's hands away from the pile of glass. She's a little relieved when Ruth lets her take over the cleanup, shifting so she's leaning against the cabinet, elbows resting on her bent knees as she tries to keep pressure on her hand.
Once the glass has been thrown away, or at the very least just set aside where it won't cause any more damage, Ava returns to her place in front of Ruth, settling on her knees in front of her. Ruth's eyes stay on her hand, even as Ava dips her head to try and catch them.
"The incident?" she presses after another beat of silence.
Ruth hums, lips curling into another bitter smile. "Mm. My stepfather murdered my mother when I was 16. I found her in a puddle of her own blood, surrounded by shards of broken glass. She —" Ruth hisses, letting out a sharp breath as her face shifts into a glare. "I could barely recognize her. It — broken glass can remind me, sometimes. I guess when I cut myself it made me... remember."
"...that sounds incredibly distressing."
Ruth snorts. "Only a little. I'm used to it — usually I'm alone when it happens. I'm just sorry you had to be here to see it, small as it was."
"Why?" Ava's brows draw together, and she is still frowning when Ruth's gaze darts up to hers, peeking at her from under her lashes. "You have nothing to apologize for, and yet you keep doing so."
Her eyes drop back to her hand as she shrugs. "It's not worth getting other people involved. I'm — I'm not really worth all that fuss."
"Not worth it?"
Ruth chuckles softly. "You can't seriously expect me to believe that I'm as important to this team as Saoirse is. I'm not special — I'm just stubborn as a mule and too smart for them to easily get rid of me."
"You're not — you really think —"
Ava's jaw snaps shut with an audible click when she stammers. Ruth isn't looking at her, eyes fixed on her hands, brows still slightly pinched at the middle. Her dark curls fall into her face still, curly fringe falling into her eyes where it must have gotten wet when she dropped the dish. Sighing shakily, Ava inches closer, reaching out to brush her hair from her eyes. Ava's touch lingers against her skin when Ruth's eyes close as if to enjoy the moment, leaning into the touch as Ava brushes the back of her knuckles against her cheek.
"Please—" Ava starts, and then cuts herself off, gritting her teeth for a moment. Forcing herself to relax, Ava focuses on her hand as it settles against the side of Ruth's neck, feeling the way her pulse jumps at the touch. "Please, just... listen to me."
Ruth's eyes open and find Ava's, drawn together as if by gravity. They look at each other for a moment — Ava watches Ruth's eyes as they drag across her features, lingering on her lips for long enough that Ava's lips begin to tingle with the knowledge of the attention.
"You are... You have become an integral part of us, Ruth. Saoirse as well, but you were the one who had the greatest hand in tracking down Murphy. You were the one who found Saoirse when he took her. You were the one who had the most contact with the leader of the maa-alused." Ava shakes her head, eyes wandering over Ruth's beautiful face. "You have a place within my—our heart that no one else could have. Do not let that voice in your head drown out the reality of our situation. I... we need you."
Ava's eyes have long since dropped from Ruth's, focusing on her own hand on Ruth's skin instead. She watches Ruth swallow thickly, releasing a quiet, shaky breath as her good hand reaches up to loosely grip Ava's wrist, nudging her hand until she cups her cheek again.
Ruth's eyes dart between Ava's, back and forth as if she is looking for something... and then she smiles a little and turns to press a kiss to the heel of Ava's palm.
"...thank you, Ava."
I love you.
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