the Winners™ Chapter 1
so i asked you guys whether or not you’d want to read something like this and well i got inspired™ and i’m able to get on lmao so ye here’s chapter 1
i’ve actually got the first two chapters finished so there’s that
i’m gonna give you a list of chat names vs real names as well as some backstory for the characters at the end because i let my friend read it and she was constantly confused about the names
chat name - real name
elder - mandy
getseth - seth
noravioli - norandina
ritzy - brittany
salt - saleni
kartel - karel
virus - viran
meow - kat
tartar - tarulli
dolly - dallona
error - erral
macaronia - maronia
onurmarco - marco
rikatoni - rikando
final - fina
jontellini - jontein
farfaven - aven
elder added getseth, noravioli, ritzy, salt, kartel, virus, meow, tartar, dolly, error, macaronia, onurmarco, rikatoni, final, jontellini, and farfaven to the chat the Winners™
elder: you guys all have the stupidest names omg
elder: like seth what the hell does ur name even mean
getseth: its our time marco
elder: wait what
getseth: are you ready
elder: what
onurmarco: >:3
getseth: >:3
elder: …
elder: of course you would
rikatoni: that is literally the best thing i’ve ever seen omg friendship goals
macaronia: you literally named the five of us using pasta puns
rikatoni: SHUT UP MARONIA YOU LOVE IT
jontellini: i can’t look at tortellini the same way ever again i hate you
farfaven: this is our legacy now jontein your brother named us after pasta you just need to accept it i did years ago
rikatoni: wow
rikatoni: WOW
rikatoni: okay i see how it is
rikatoni: betrayed by my best friend and my brother
rikatoni: i don’t know which hurts worse
farfaven: you’re so overdramatic rikando oh my god
rikatoni: and to think i named you after my favorite pasta
rikatoni: i don’t need this kind of bs in my life
meow: can you dumbos take your pasta talk elsewhere
meow: i’m getting hungry but i don’t want to eat this early
noravioli: it’s called breakfast and it’s the most important meal of the day
meow: i don’t want to eat *pasta this early
meow: keep up norandina
ritzy: kat don’t be mean…
rikatoni: YEAH kat don’t be so MEAN
rikatoni: what’d we ever do to you
final: what is wrong with you people
jontellini: i’m crushed babe
final: not you jontein you’re totally normal
jontellini: wow
final: jk you’re amazing <3
jontellini: <3
rikatoni: ewww you two are so gross and mushy
rikatoni: and don’t even lie fina you know you love us
farfaven: yeah rikando she likes everyone but you
rikatoni: WOW
rikatoni: that’s it our friendship is canceled
rikatoni: who is this aven you speak of
rikatoni: i know no aven
final: oh my god
farfaven: >:3
onurmarco: heyyy he stole our face
getseth: YOU THIEF
kartel: sometimes i genuinely wonder about the mental capacity of you people
kartel: this chat is a train wreck
virus: only sometimes?
kartel: you had not spoken a single word viran i was not talking to you shut the hell up
virus: exactly
kartel: what the hell is that supposed to mean
tartar: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE IT’S 9:30 ON A SATURDAY
tartar: NONE OF US HAVE SATURDAY CLASSES WHY ARE YOU ALL AWAKE
final: oh hey sis
tartar: leave me alone
final: well dang ok
salt: i wake up to this
salt: viran
salt: my dearest brother
salt: what the hell is wrong with you
kartel: tHANK you saleni that’s exactly what i was wondering
salt: …
salt: okay karel
kartel: ?
salt: i have so many questions
kartel: ???
salt: but first is
salt: there are so many words that sound like your name
salt: of all of them, you picked cartel
salt: why
kartel: BECAUSE
kartel: THAT’S WHY
jontellini: mandy this was a horrible idea
jontellini: there are way too many people in this chat
elder: yeah ur right i have regrets
elder: we need to do something
onurmarco: already on it!!!!!!!
macaronia: is he always this excitable
onurmarco added farfaven, rikatoni, jontellini, noravioli, and macaronia to the chat the pasta quintet
the Winners™
macaronia: i mean…
macaronia: seven exclamation points?
onurmarco removed himself from the chat the pasta quintet
the Winners™
getseth: fight me maronia he’s just very exuberant
macaronia: wow it’s the elusive protective seth
macaronia: ???
macaronia: dude he just added me to a group chat with people i already have a group chat with
getseth: shhhhh he’s trying
onurmarco added kartel, dolly, error, tartar, final, virus, and salt to the chat the twin cities squad
the Winners™
kartel: wow he’s really determined isn’t he
getseth: karel have you met my best friend
onurmarco removed himself from the chat the twin cities squad
the Winners™
getseth: determined might as well be his middle name
onurmarco: HELL YEAH IT IS
getseth: ^^^
getseth: see
onurmarco added getseth, elder, ritzy, and meow to the chat travagastor chums
the Winners™
elder: wow
onurmarco: X3 there now we’re split up by hometowns
error: but smaktria and katrimas are two towns???
onurmarco: ohhhh hi erral bout time u showed up how are u
onurmarco: and yeaaah ik but there were less of u from each of smaktria and katrimas than the rest of us and they’re like
onurmarco: right next to each other
onurmarco: plus they’ve got that cool anagram thing
error: fair enough
the twin cities squad
final: oh man my boyfriend’s not in this chat
tartar: oh dang i guess ur gonna have to talk to all of us single peasants then
final: jealousy doesn’t become u tarulli
dolly: i’m so confused what’s happening
tartar: DALLONA UR HERE
dolly: aaa yeah?? hi
dolly: how are you?
tartar: i’m good
tartar: tired because SOME PEOPLE decided to wake me up at NINE-THIRTY THIS MORNING with an INCESSANTLY VIBRATING PHONE
error: wow that started passive-aggressive and then just dove headfirst straight into aggressive
tartar: shut up erral ur supposed to be the nice one
error: no i’m just the quirky one
error: there’s a difference
kartel: yeah okay because none of us are quirky
error: …
error: hush
kartel: anyway where’s the asshole and his sister why aren’t they saying anything
virus: you rang?
salt: i mean at least i’m only the asshole’s sister
salt: and not the asshole
salt: aaaand never mind he’s not insulted in the slightest
salt: why am i surprised, this IS my brother we’re talking about
tartar: viran karel literally everyone knows you’re best friends cut the “hating each other act” please
virus: but we do hate each other
kartel: tarulli this isn’t an act
kartel: he’s an ass
virus: he’s an insufferable brat
tartar: wow they’re even talking over each other this is hilarious
dolly: (they are best friends don’t let them fool you)
kartel: wow okay dallona you’re just slandering us now
dolly: (i even saw them fist bump the other day)
kartel: WE DID NOT
virus: slander
final: riiiight
tartar: you guys keep telling yourselves that
tartar: we see the friendship u try so much to hide
kartel: i will not stand for this
virus: blasphemy i have no friends
final: they’re even finishing each other’s sentences how cute
tartar: uhhh viran the 16 other people in these group chats care to disagree with you there
virus: i was not finishing his sentence i was starting my own
kartel: we do not finish each other’s sentences fina oh my god
dolly: wait hang on
kartel: wait what
kartel: DALLONA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU
dolly: they’re cuddling
tartar: OH MY GOD DALLONA YOU’RE THE BEST
kartel: DALLONA YOU ARE THE ACTUAL WORST
dolly: 0:3
travagastor chums
onurmarco: hiiii
getseth: ur a dork
elder changed the chat name to travaga-holes
meow: wow
meow: pleasant
elder: thanks i do try
ritzy: i don’t get it
onurmarco: shhhhhh it’s okayyyy continue being ur precious innocent self
onurmarco: mandy ur horrible
elder: thanks i try
getseth: wow goals
onurmarco: seeeeeth what does that mean
getseth: wow i hang around you way too much i read that in your voice
onurmarco: >:3
getseth: and mandy’s just so chill abt everything i’m envious
onurmarco: uh seth have u met u
getseth: quiet you
elder: HEY KITTY KAT WHERE U BE
meow: exhibit a on why i did not make that my chat name
meow: and come on mandy i was the first person to speak after you changed the chat name
elder: shhhhh i knew that
meow: sHhhhHhH i kNew tHaT
elder: …
elder: did u just mock me
meow: dId U jUsT MocK ME
getseth: wow i can’t believe kat’s a meme
meow: WOw i CaN’t BELieVe kAt’S a MemE
getseth: did you just
onurmarco: wow seth she just played u
getseth: i can’t believe you’re taking her side
getseth: i thought we were friends
onurmarco: humor takes no sides sethaniel
getseth: …
getseth: did you actually just call me sethaniel
getseth: i’m breaking up our friendship
ritzy: marco humor does take sides
ritzy: you’re either laughing with someone or at someone
onurmarco: awwww brittany dw i was only joking
ritzy: heehee i know so was i :3
onurmarco: :3
meow: :3
elder: wow it’s a rare appearance of a kat in her natural state
meow: wow i’m leaving this chat
onurmarco: NO DON’T I WORKED SO HARD
getseth: i love how brittany just lurks on here silently judging us
ritzy: i am not judging you guys
ritzy: besides you seth
ritzy: this judge in: you’re an asshole
getseth: wow okay
ritzy: oh wait now i get the chat name
ritzy: mandy wtf
elder: there it is
ritzy: i’m breaking up with all of you
the pasta quintet
macaronia: should we just delete this and use our other one or nah
jontellini: nah marco made it for us deleting it would be rude
macaronia: tru
norandina: yeah let’s leave it besides the other one is literally almost five years old
jontellini: yeah you’re right
farfaven: omg i’m looking over kat’s shoulder and the name mandy made for their chat is hilarious
farfaven changed the chat name to linicha-holes
rikatoni: oh my GOD
the twin cities squad
final: oh my god aven just changed the name of their chat and jontein and i are ROLLING
final changed the chat name to smakatrima-holes
tartar: please remind me to tell aven that i love him
so they all met about two years before this story starts because they all went to the same college.
jontein and fina started dating about a year after they met. they hit it off the first week she joined an art club and snarked it up as usual.
viran and karel hated each other at first, that much is true; however, after two separate incidents unknown by anyone else that involved mutual life-saving, they became more along the lines of vitriolic best buds (one of my favorite tropes from tv tropes tbh).
dallona’s entrance into the group was much different than the others. you’ll see some of her story later.
rikando and maronia have been best friends since before kindergarten; they were childhood neighbors. they met aven in first grade, and the three of them have been absolutely inseparable since then. maronia met norandina when she was on vacation one year, and she introduced norandina to everyone else the following year.
seth and marco met around fourth grade and were instantly joined at the hip, despite the fact that their personalities are almost total opposites.
kat is an... interesting case. you’ll find out more about her next chapter.
erral is in fact the quirky one.
aaand that’s about all you need to know for now, so until next chapter!
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the Winners™ Chapter 2
im sorry i dont feel like formatting this it took like half an hour to get the first chapter ready to post
there is no plot to this story
smakatrima-holes
tartar: hey guys the game room is open
tartar: what the heck why are maronia and marco in here
tartar: oh they were finishing some hw never mind
tartar: u wanna have another smash bros tournament
final: hell yeah i’ll be right there
kartel: wait
kartel: maronia and marco???
kartel: you don’t think…?
virus: don’t be an idiot, karel
virus: sometimes you’re so dense
virus: tarulli i’m afraid i’m going to have to turn down that offer
virus: i do not need to be there the next time a controller smashes through a window
kartel: i hate to agree with this guy but same
salt: omg yeah that administrator was terrifying
dolly: … i was gonna say yes until you guys brought that up
tartar: awwwww…. guys…….... :’(
tartar: *puppy dog eyes*
error: yeah no tarulli i’m not gonna get scarred for life and/or in trouble
error: i’m gonna leave that to you and fina
tartar: *sighs* and once again erral is the voice of reason
tartar: man you guys suck
tartar: WELL AT LEAST FINA’S HERE
tartar: and maronia says she’s bringing the idea up to the others sooo
final: this is gonna be fun
the unshakeables™
macaronia: heyyyyy rikando aven super smash tournament in the game room u up for it
rikatoni: !!!!!!!!!!!!!
rikatoni: I’M ON MY WAY
farfaven: ooh yeah i’m coming
macaronia: …
farfaven: MARONIA DON’T YOU DARE
macaronia: that’s what she said
rikatoni: oh my goddd maronia
farfaven: i hate you
rikatoni: i’m so proud of you
farfaven: rikando i swear sometimes we’re best friends with a living joke
macaronia: says a living joke
farfaven: sshhhhhhh you can’t expose me like this
macaronia: hang on i’m gonna ask jontein and norandina if they want in
macaronia to jontellini
macaronia: tournament in the game room
macaronia: you in?
jontellini: oh hell no
macaronia: well gee okay then mr grumpy
macaronia to noravioli
macaronia: tournament in the game room
macaronia: you in?
noravioli: no
macaronia: ugggh fine
the unshakeables™
macaronia: yeah no they’re being hard headed
rikatoni: guess it’s just us then
rikatoni: i’m gonna destroy you guys
farfaven: NOT IF I DESTROY YOU FIRST
macaronia: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
farfaven: UGGHGHGHGHGHG I HATE YOUUUU THAT DIDN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE
smakatrima-holes
tartar: guysssss come onnnnnn rikando and aven are coming to the tournament
salt: good for them
kartel: i hope they have fun
virus: not a chance tarulli
error: i don’t want to play in the game tournament
dolly: sorry tarulli but no thanks
tartar: GAH you guys are the WORST
travaga-holes
elder: guys apparently aven and fina plagiarized my chat name
elder: i demand compensation
meow: why are you coming to us for compensation we are not named aven or fina
onurmarco: actually there’s something i’ve been wanting to tell you guys
onurmarco: i AM aven
onurmarco: marco doesn’t exist
getseth: oh i wish but unfortunately i’ve had to deal with your hyperactive ass for far too long don’t even pretend
elder: DAAAAMN SETH
ritzy: savage
meow: marco u may need some water for that burn
onurmarco: i’m hurt
onurmarco: no really i’m cryign why the HELL AM I CRYING
getseth: oh my god nonono i was just joking where the hell are you i’ll be right there
getseth: aaghh marco i’m so sorry
onurmarco: and there u have it, folks, seth’s a total softie
meow: OHHHHHHHHHHHH
elder: daaamn marco that was cold man
ritzy: holy frick that was so calculated
getseth: what the hell i hate you
onurmarco: nahh >:3
elder: seth get that nasty lie out of my face
getseth: marco that was just cruel
getseth: seriously though where are u i thought i hurt your feelings a few seconds ago i still need to hug you
onurmarco: i’m in the game room with rikando, maronia, aven, fina, and tarulli X3
onurmarco: we’re gonna be having a tournament
getseth: cool i’ll be right there
getseth: what are you guys playing
onurmarco: guess u’ll have to find outtt
getseth: rude
linicha-holes
rikatoni: hey jontein norandina get in here i’m about to whup aven and maronia’s asses
farfaven: he’s lying
macaronia: yeah we’re gonna crush him
rikatoni: IGNORE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT OF WHAT THEY SPEAK
noravioli: i’m just trying to live my life in peace rikando
noravioli: i have no wish to see your poor attempt at world domination or whatever the hell you guys are playing this time
farfaven: excuse you we are playing super smash brothers brawl fight me norandina
rikatoni: JONTEIN WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU THESE PEOPLE ARE SOILING MY GOOD NAME
noravioli: he and fina are probably making out in a closet somewhere
rikatoni: ummmmm??? you’re dead wrong fina is sitting on the other couch silently judging me
jontellini: that’s my girl
rikatoni: oh yeah NOW you show up
macaronia: jontein is the definition of the guy that shows up 15 minutes late with starbucks tbh
jontellini: wow you guys have my entire existence figured out
jontellini: i can barely believe it
macaronia: sometimes i wonder why rikando is the way he is and then i realize he’s just a younger carbon copy of you
rikatoni: ummmmm??? what the hell does that mean should i be offended
farfaven: it means you’re irritatingly snarky and yes
macaronia: oh wowwww
rikatoni: aven why the hell are we friends if you’re just gonna insult me
farfaven: because
rikatoni: …
rikatoni: that is almost disturbingly vague
noravioli: oh my god you guys are so weird
rikatoni: JONTEIN NORANDINA GET DOWN HERE
jontellini: fineeee i want to see my girlfriend anyway
macaronia: wow you don’t even care about me and aven?
macaronia: rude
rikatoni: NORANDINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
noravioli: okay okay all right u dumbo
noravioli: i’ll be there in five
smakatrima-holes
tartar: ohhhh yess jontein and norandina just showed up to the game room
final: we’re going to pulverize these nerds
kartel: oh god rest in pieces the pasta group
virus: pasta group
kartel: shut up asshole they’re all named after pasta
virus: really? i had no idea
kartel: i hate you so much
dolly: i have photographic proof that you really don’t
kartel: dallona i stg ur supposed to be the quiet one
virus: what could you possibly have photographic evidence of
virus: wait
virus: dallona no
virus: that was an extenuating circumstance
tartar: *deep, dramatic gasp* oh my god dallona show me
kartel: dallona please do not
dolly: i won’t
dolly to tartar
dolly: sent a photo
tartar: oh
tartar: my
tartar: godddd!!!!
smakatrima-holes
tartar: YOU GUYS ARE THE CUTEST
kartel: DALLONA WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL MAN
virus: whatever she sent you is photoshopped
tartar: sure it is viran
tartar: sure it is
kartel: dallona for the love of god delete that photo
tartar: nooo don’t listen to them
kartel: TARULLI DELETE THAT PHOTO
tartar: oh hell no
tartar: i’m showing everyone here that photo
tartar: you guys look so innocent and adorable
virus: tarulli i was exhausted you can’t prove our friendship through this picture
kartel: how was i supposed to move with his bigass head on my shoulder
kartel: it’s not my fault he fell asleep on me the total DICK
virus: it takes one to know one, karel
kartel: god viran would you just shut the hell up for five seconds
tartar: i showed fina and she said and i quote: “oh my god that is the cutest fricking thing i have ever seen”
kartel: yeah, tarulli?
tartar: what
kartel: give ur sister the finger for me
tartar: wow
tartar to elder
tartar: sent a photo
elder: OHOHOHO YESSSS
elder: !!!!!!!!
travaga-holes
onurmarco: dude karel and viran just burst in here and they look pissed as hell
getseth: i wonder why
elder: guys big news i just got the BEST blackmail material
ritzy: do i want to know
elder: sent a photo
ritzy: oh my god i knew they didn't hate each other
meow: oh wow that’s hilarious
onurmarco: *facepalm*
onurmarco: why are we like this
onurmarco: wait viran just left but karel’s still here
onurmarco: apparently he’s here for revenge
getseth: wow we’re gonna die
kartel to virus
kartel: hey, viran, we’re good, right?
virus: yeah of course, don’t be ridiculous
kartel: okay good
kartel: i was just kind of worried, cause u left…
kartel: and i mean it's kind of our m.o. to insult each other
kartel: just wanted to make sure i didn’t go too far or something
virus: yeah, sorry i just remembered some hw i have to crank out real quick then i’ll be down there again
virus: and nah dw that was actually a pretty good one
virus: kick their asses for me
kartel: oh heck yeah they're gonna regret all that
virus: don’t die hun i don’t want to have to avenge you
kartel: ha ha you’re hilarious
kartel: yeah okay sure babe
kartel: i’ve got this
virus: i know
travaga-holes
getseth: wow they’re demolishing us
ritzy: rip
getseth: thanks for your support brittany
ritzy: no problem
elder: i love how brittany is like super quiet outside the chat but like
elder: a freaking snarkmaster inside
meow: …
elder: kat oh my god
onurmarco: i still can’t figure out if you’re actually mute or if you just really don’t like talking
onurmarco: why won’t you tell usssss
meow: >:3
onurmarco: kaaaat why r u like thisss
meow: because i love watching u people squirm
onurmarco: wow
onurmarco: OHHHHHH YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE WE JUST TOTALLY TURNED THE TABLES ON THESE PEOPLE
onurmarco: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
getseth: marco omg chill
getseth: this is the hyperactiveness i was referring to earlier
getseth: oh my god
getseth: that is so unfair he just turned around and hit me with the most pitiful puppy dog eyes i have ever seen
getseth: how do u do that
onurmarco: X3
ritzy: how the turntables
elder: wow seth you are hopeless
getseth: don’t even be acting all high and mighty mandy you would be a pile of complete mush too if you were here
getseth: his puppy dog eyes are on another level
onurmarco: they are i have spent years perfecting them
getseth: he even spontaneously formed tears???
getseth: like wtf how do you even???
onurmarco: it’s called talent
onurmarco: something i inherently have oodles of
getseth: omg you just used the words “inherently” and “oodles” in the same sentence i cannot bREATHE you’re such a DORK
onurmarco: all right seth let’s quit talking AND LEAVE THESE LOSERS IN THE DUST
ritzy to getseth
ritzy: oh seth you are so far gone
getseth: guuhhhh shut up i knoww
elder to onurmarco
elder: have you accepted it yet
onurmarco: shut up mandy
elder: oh come on marco it’s so obvious
onurmarco: mandy i don’t want to mess things up with him he’s my best friend
elder: so you HAVE accepted it
elder: excellent
onurmarco: leave me alone
elder: marco come on i’m only trying to help
onurmarco: please i don’t want to talk about this now
elder: *sigh* okay fine
elder: i’m here to talk when ur ready, all right?
onurmarco: okay
elder: hey, i’ve got your back, marco, all right?
elder: i just want you to be happy.
elder: you’re like the brother i never had
onurmarco: yeah, i know
onurmarco: thanks
onurmarco: love ya
elder: i love you too, you stubborn dork <3
i lied there’s a bit of plot >:3
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