#two of these i've been sitting on for like a year lmfao

[sabigawa]

agon firebending 🔥

[toomuchracket]

home for christmas (d word matty x reader fluff)

another christmas75 fic! pre-dating, but only just. it'll make sense when you read it lmfao. also i love this pic of matty literally god bless jack antonoff. enjoy <3

practically jamming his knuckle into his eye in an effort to wake himself up, matty slowly drags his suitcase out of the lift. he brightens up a bit when he sees you in the lobby - well, sees your tiny face, looking as sleepy as his own, poking out between the fabric of your beanie and hoodie and floor-length puffer jacket. as he gets closer to you, his heart skips when you smile sweetly at him, and it's all he can do to stop his legs copying it.

he manages to keep his cool, though, plopping down on the sofa next to you and matching your smile. “morning. you feeling a bit chilly, darling?”

“ha ha,” you roll your eyes, deadpan, and matty giggles. “you haven't been anywhere without central heating yet. s'fucking freezing outside.”

“why were you out?”

you lean forward to lift a takeout drinks holder matty hadn't noticed on the coffee table. “to get these.”

“oh. thanks,” matty takes his cup from you, slightly crestfallen. “i thought we were going to go on the coffee run together, though?”

shrugging, your face contorts into a bashful smile that wipes every other thought out of matty's head. “didn't want you to get cold. and i figured you'd be tired after the show last night, so not making you wait for coffee was a good idea. oh, also,” you rifle through your jacket pocket and procure two sugar packets. “there you go.”

“thank you, darling,” matty squeezes your hand as he takes the sugar. “god, you really are freezing. i almost feel bad that you went out in the cold to get this.”

“almost?!” you roll your eyes again, but the smile - that fucking smile, the one that's had matty wrapped around your finger since the day you met - doesn't leave your cold face. “i'm waking you up to come with me next time, for that. you almost feel bad. christ.”

“do it,” matty smirks. “i think i'd be much more agreeable if i woke up to your face, actually.”

he isn’t lying. ever since he had that dream about falling asleep spooning you last month, waking up to a bed without you in it has been dreadful. mornings like these where you're the first person he sees are lovely, of course, but matty thinks he won't truly be happy in the morning unless he wakes up to your face burrowed into his chest and his lips on your head.

judging by the way your eyes and smile both widen almost imperceptibly - he notices, though, of course he does - matty thinks you might actually want that too. and, frankly, he's glad he's sitting down: that realisation would've swiped the legs from under him, otherwise.

your snark back at him is also suggestive of your mutual (!!!) crush. “well, in that case… i might have to request two keys for your hotel rooms on the uk leg. are you agreeable to that?”

fuck me, matty thinks; whether that's an exclamation or a request, he isn't sure. both, probably. he takes a sip of his coffee, then clears his throat and prays his voice doesn't wobble and give him away. “quite.”

“well, we'll see how long that lasts,” you giggle, and matty wishes he could bottle the sound. “given that i've been thinking about taking up running in the new year, and i'll force you to come with me.”

matty snorts. “you won't.”

“too fucking right i will, matty. if i'm doing it, you - as my designated coffee run companion - are too.”

“no, i mean you won't take up running, darling.”

you frown. adorably. “why not?”

“it's just so not you,” matty giggles. “why'd you even want to do it?”

your upper lip snags as you shrug. “just feel like i'm not doing enough cardio at the minute.”

“right,” matty does his best to keep his voice and face neutral despite his stupid fucking horny brain firing off images of you and him doing a different sort of cardio. get it together, healy, you arsehole. “i don't think running's the way to go for you, though, babe.”

“probably,” you ponder. “maybe swimming, instead, then.”

great. now he's thinking about you in a swimsuit, hair soaked and slicked back, water dripping down your body as you exit the pool like a fucking bond girl and make your way over to him and-

christ, what is going on with him today? he needs a distraction. something. anything. aha. “wait a minute. are you drinking an iced coffee?”

“mhmm,” you take a long drink of said coffee, as nonchalantly as matty’s ever seen you.

“but… darling, it's december,” matty splutters. “you can't just have a normal latte?”

“nah. s'too hot.”

“eh?”

you shuffle round to face him, leaning on your arm. “you know how you aren't meant to put freezing hands under hot water to warm them up? it's too shocking to the skin or whatever?”

matty squints. “yeeeeees?”

“well, that. if your drink’s too hot and you're too cold, it's too shocking to your insides.”

“i've genuinely never heard anyone say that before.”

“s'pose i'm one of a kind, then,” you grin.

in a tone far too soft for the conversation, matty replies. “yeah, you are, darling.”

“you're too sweet,” you beam, putting down your coffee and holding a hand out to him.

matty takes it eagerly, eyes widening when his skin makes contact with yours. “and you're like actual ice! jesus, babe,” he reaches for the other hand, holding them both tightly in his own to warm them up. “thank god i'm here.”

you laugh loudly, collapsing into a full fit of the giggles when matty overexaggeratedly blows on your hands to make them even warmer; when the giggles fade into soft hums, you look at him with such tenderness that he almost has to look away. “m'gonna miss hanging out with you every day, you know.”

the words are like a flaming arrow to matty’s heart - the reminder you're going separate ways (albeit temporarily) is piercing, but the revelation of your affection towards him sets every nerve ending in his body alight with joy. “me too, darling. and i can't believe we're not getting on the same flight home today, either. m'gutted. you're the only person who doesn't stress me out on planes.”

you turn your intertwined hands over so you can gently rub the back of matty's with your thumb. “i know. but it just made sense for me not to fly into london - saves me getting an extra train back to my mum's, or driving. speaking of, when are you going up north?”

“christmas eve. driving back down to mine on the 27th.”

“i'm heading back to my flat that day, too,” you nod thoughtfully, then your face brightens. “d'you want to do a coffee run on the 28th, then? i'll get the train up to you. and i'll bring your christmas present.”

the relief that washes over matty's body upon confirming when he'll next see you is so strong it's almost embarrassing. he nods enthusiastically. “as long as you don't mean an actual run, then yeah.”

“thought we'd decided running wasn't for me?”

“oh, that's right. well, in that case,” matty grins. “see you on the 28th, then.”

“fab. and then… you're going to g's at new year, yeah?”

matty nods. “and you're NOT! traitor.”

“oh, shut up. i can't let the girls down, i haven't seen them in months,” you roll your eyes. “but i'll pop down for a bit after i've been out, definitely,” your face turns serious, and you look down at the tiled floor. “um, matty, can i ask you a question? you don't have to tell me, but… i want to ask. just to, like, make sure we're sort of on the same page.”

matty shuffles in his seat to look at you properly, a cocktail of curiosity and apprehension mixing itself in his stomach. “of course, darling. you ok?”

“yeah! i'm fine, i just,” you sigh, and tentatively meet his gaze. “i was wondering if you're taking anyone to the new year's party.”

oh. 

you're asking him if he likes you. like, like likes you.

this is good. no, actually - this is great. possibly even… perfect. because, obviously, he does. he really, really does.

fuck.

matty opens his mouth to talk, but you continue babbling nervously. “i'm sorry if that was out of line, and you don't have to answer at all, like i said, i just wanted to make sure i wasn't misreading the situation but if i am then i'm so sorry and we can just forg-”

“no, no, it's alright, darling, really,” matty says, squeezing your hand. “no lines crossed, no pages jumped, no misreading. i'm not taking anyone to the party, no. just me and a bottle - well, three - of wine.”

you exhale, cheeks lifting into a relieved smile. “ok. good. thank you.”

“s'no problem, darling. and, just to clarify,” matty smiles in return. “are you bringing anybody with you?”

you shake your head. “just me. won't even have any wine. i'll have cigs, though.”

matty giggles, fighting the urge to kick his legs back and forth when you join in too. “well, looks like we'll just have to hang about with each other, then, yeah? can't have a drink and not smoke, no chance.”

you wink. his body feels like it's taking a screenshot. “see you there, then, healy.”

[moonystoes]

Nurse? - Elisa De Almeida x reader (highschool students)

Summary: When the school has never felt this empty, you decide to escape the students by helping out the nurse. Only to find out you can't escape her.

Warning: yap sesh I'm sorry, confusion??(girl me too idk), an annoying guy x

Wc: 5.670k

A/n: Ugh writing the summary is worse than the whole fic wtf. Also finding pics and trying to make the coloring match is shit I'm sorry LMFAO. Apologies for the late post, I've been going through it in school. and as I said again, im pretty new to writing so constructive criticism or advice is needed :)

Part one

This is FANfiction. Please don't view Elisa this way.

-

“Do you know who you're going to prom with?” You turned to look at Sam, walking down the school hallway to your shared class. Prom has been a topic of conversations since they first revealed it two months ago. Now, prom will happen in two weeks, and all the young teens are procrastinating to look for partners.

“Ugh, no! I don't even know why our school decided to add this thing. We don't have to copy Americans, let them do their thing and we will do our thing.” She groaned loudly. You looked around you, noticing people glancing at her weirdly.

“Okay… but the students voted for it, not the school. So technically it's our fault.” You whispered, tugging her closer to remind her to lower her voice. You thought about who might ask you out. Xavi has been eyeing you for a while, but he was caught creating fake Instagram accounts to catfish girls. So there is no possible way of you agreeing to go with him. Edward was a year older than you, and you've been chatting with him at lunch. As much as you enjoyed the conversations with him, you didn't feel anything with him. He was the most attractive guy in his grade, his hazel eyes and dark skin made the girls swoon around him. For you, his personality isn't as attractive as his face, therefore you aren't crazy about him.

Then there is Paul, your childhood friend. You've known him since first grade, sitting together at the school park. In your head, you had imagined your friendship to stay forever, until you both get jobs and live close to each other. But after the both of you hit puberty, he started to act weird and felt uncomfortable around you. You hated it, but you knew it was bound to happen anyways.

It also didn't help you how attractive he grew to be, his short dark hair matched his brown eyes but also contrasted with his pale skin. His soft smile and attentive personality made many of the girls attach to his hip. You were never insecure about your looks, but now you started to question yourself. Did he stop our friendship because I was too ugly?

At some point, some of the girls came up to you and asked what he likes so they can ‘buy him a gift’. Your response was an easy lie, ‘I don't remember, it's been years.’

That doesn't make you guys strangers, he still comes and talks to you every once in a while, just like now.

“Hey y/n… can we talk privately?” Paul startled you. You turned to look at him with confusion, the last time you talked to each other was last month when he asked for the English homework (which you reluctantly gave to him out of kindness… and because you're a people pleaser). You glanced at Sam to check if she's okay with you leaving her, she gave you a small nod and left the both of you alone.

“So… have any plans for the winter dance? Or prom I don't even know what it is.” He awkwardly grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side of the corridor to not interrupt the people walking.

“Are you asking me out as your date?” You questioned slowly.

“What! No…i mean yes. Do you want to come with me?” He shook his head, obviously distracted with something. You stayed silent for a few seconds to think about it. You aren't a ‘party’ person, but the winter prom is a new thing and you wanted to experience it for once. Paul was a complicated guy, he wouldn't talk to you for months and then approach you like nothing happened. At least when he does approach you, he treats you right, or that’s what you thought.

“Sure…do you have any planning? For the dress or just the day as a whole?” You asked. Everytime you watch an American teen movie, you imagine yourself and Mr. Perfect together at a shop buying a dress, the shocked face when they see you going down the stairs all glammed up, going to dinner before prom, and having a soft kiss at the dance…. Although now you don't really feel like sharing your first kiss with Paul.

“Oh?... What thing for the dress? And no, I didn't volunteer for the dance so I didn't plan anything with the organizers,” And just like that your hopes were crushed, of course a 14 year old boy wouldn't know a thing about romance. He clearly didn't care about what dress you'll wear, or what the both of you would do before the event. You shook your head with a sigh, faking a smile and walking past him to your class. “Ohhh! I did vote for you for prom queen… you know? So we both can be like ‘famous’. You should vote for me, if that's what you mean.”

You felt disappointed, pretending not to hear him and walked into your first class. Great. He ruined your day and it just started.

-

Your parents were excited when you told them about Paul asking you. Of course, they've known him for years and his parents are in touch with yours. You were at the store trying to look for an ‘age appropriate’ dress. Your father is staying in the car, obviously fed up with the indecisive behaviors from you and your mom.

“Look, this is great!” You heard your mom cheer from the back of the store, she came up to you with a flower print dress and a bright smile on her face.

“Mom, it looks like I work on a farm.” You sighed, turning to the other side where there are dresses lined up.

“Are you serious? It looks amazing. I like it!” Yeah, you like it. You turned to look at it again, but the sadness in your mother's face caught you off guard. So you decided to lie. You grabbed the dress from her hand and turned it to see it ‘from every angle’.

“You know what? I think it's great. And it's not expensive like the other dresses here.” You faked a smile and looked at the cashier that was standing uncomfortably close to the both of you. You handed her the dress and both went to the checkout.

For you, making decisions isn't something you care about. Everytime you think of something, you'd agree with the others because at the end of the day ‘it's not that serious’. Sometimes, your friends end up scolding you for choosing people's happiness over yours. But when you turned to glance at your mother's happy smile, it was worth it.

-

Wed 19th of December 2012

The next week, Paul had thrown your prom ticket into your locker with no message or any indication. At least he bought you the ticket. Sam has gotten sick as well as the other two girls close to the both of you. She had sent you a message saying she probably won't be at prom, explaining in great details of her vomit and sickness.

You felt all alone and the class has never felt emptier. Fleur had a major knee injury from football practice, two guys were suspended for a fight. Students are calling this week a curse, considering that it's wednesday and prom will just be in a few days. The filled class now is almost half empty, making the class feel quiet.

“Okay…since most of the students are absent, we won't take a lesson today,” Cheers erupted from the class, happy to not have biology. “I'm not done! You will be partnered up to discuss prom preparations.”

The atmosphere changed from cheering to groaning in a second. You glanced at Paul, wondering if he would be your partner. You hoped that Paul would realize he has responsibilities for prom today when the both of you discuss it. But as the teacher started labeling the partners, you realized that it doesn't matter who is your date, she is randomly assigning them.

“Elisa and Marie you don't need to sit at the back anymore, the class is practically empty. Elisa, you sit with y/n. Katoto, sit with Adam.” You sighed frustratingly, why her? During the two months of school, she has been treating you like dirt. Ignoring you and always avoiding you. Whenever teachers put you in groups, she'd ask the teacher if she can be partnered with Fleur instead.

But she's been more open and relaxed now, and it's somehow freaking you out. She has made some friendships there and there with the other girls. She laughs louder, jokes more with her side of the class. And even if her ignorance towards you confused you at first, it wasn’t why you were freaked out. It's how she treats the girls in class. It's like the guys…but gentler? She stares at Amy the same way the guys do, with heart eyes. And all of this frustrates you, because why is she looking at Amy like that? She's not supposed to like Amy. And why is she treating every girl in the class sweetly except you?

Everytime you catch her looking at Amy, you remember that Quora comment. Admittedly, you've been thinking about it everyday for the past 2 months. When you’re near her, you stutter and avoid looking at her eyes. Because when Elisa looks at your eyes, she can read you. And although you know you're not necessarily hiding anything, you don't want Elisa to know how she affects you.

Elisa rolled her eyes in annoyance when the teacher told her to move to sit next to you. Of course it would be you. Your bubbly and nice personality makes her sick, because right when it comes to her, you become mute. It feels as though her sitting next to you makes you feel grossed out and disgusted. It doesn't help how Sam glances at the both of you everytime Elisa walks past you. It's like you have told her something about her, that elisa is some sick joke you told her about. Growing up, Elisa realized that not many people liked her. But she didn't care, until it was you.

You were kind and sweet to everyone. Whenever anyone asks for help, you're always there. Whenever you have to be surrounded by people you don't even like, you're still respectful and treat them well. But why is it when it comes to her, you ignore her? Every time she's near you, she sees your uncomfortable glance, she’s already used to it by now, but it still breaks her.

Homophobia isn’t something surprising, it’s everywhere. But again, the most non-judgemental person… you, she didn’t expect you to be just like everyone else.

She threw her bag next to your seat as she sighed. Of course she’s already groaning around you. You rolled your eyes at her dramatic reaction, pulling open your notes to write anything you need for the prom. You wrote ‘dress’ check, ‘hair’... you’ll just straighten it, ‘make up’ you’ll ask Sam to help you with it. You glanced at Elisa, a blush ran through your face when you saw the sketch of a woman on her notes. Does she have a date? Did she get asked… or did she ask a girl out? There is no way she’d go with a boy… just the idea of Elisa with a boy makes your stomach churn, and you don’t know why it would feel better if she would be with a girl, a person like you.

“Um… so, do you have a date?” You stammered, trying to act casual about the question, as if it hasn’t been on your mind all month.

She looked away from her sketch to glance at you, “no.”

“Why not?”

Elisa was silent for a moment, “Fleur tore her ACL so she won’t come with me.”

Fleur? Why Fleur? Your kind smile slowly turned to a frown, fuck I know I said it would make me feel better if she would ask a girl out but Fleur? Does she like her? No way.

Elisa noticed the way your smile turned into disgust. At first, panic started to get into her head, would you tell everyone that she wanted her date to be a girl? It’s okay, right? A lot of girls go with their friends? Fleur is her friend. But her panic turned into anger, fuck you and your disgusting beliefs. Of course you wouldn’t like the fact she’s into women, and although she never said she's gay out loud, anyone who glances at her knows about it.

“ACL injuries are really serious, tell her I wish her a speedy recovery.” You mumbled, you didn’t know why you’re acting this way, and why does it happen every time with Elisa. Elisa ignored what you said and continued to draw. You were looking at her sketch from the corner of your eyes, what else would she add? Big boobs? Blonde hair? Is her type in girls the same as the boys’? But suddenly Elisa stopped drawing for a second and took a deep breath, then she scribbled all over the drawing, ripping the page away from her notebook and standing angrily to throw it away in the bin.

When she sat back, she moved her seat slightly away from you. You lowered your head feeling shame, what did you do to deserve this from her? Your heart did the fluttering thing again around her, but now it’s because of the heartbreak of rejection. Elisa kept on tapping the pencil on the paper, writing nothing on her notebook. You glanced at Paul, realizing that he was partnered with Amy. Because of the panic of Elisa sitting next to you, you didn’t even think about Paul. Great, Paul is with the hottest girl in class and Elisa here hates your ass, you already knew Sam would be tired from the phone call this evening.

You glanced at the teacher quickly to make sure she's not looking at you. You grabbed your phone and opened the chats between you and Sam and sent her a message.

“Sam I'm sorry for the monster I'd be when we call today.”

Elisa noticed you using your phone, slightly surprised since you've always been the ‘good’ girl of the class. She saw you texting Sam, quickly diverting her eyes away from your phone. Are you texting Sam about the drawing? Is she seriously that grossed out by a silly drawing? Elisa's frustration has faded, now filled with sorrow. How can someone be filled with that much hatred? How can you sit here and act all cute and innocent to everyone but react this way over a drawing?

Right when the bell rang, Elisa grabbed her bag and left first, not even waiting for Katoto. You breathed out slowly, glad that she's not sitting next to you anymore. The rest of the school day was miserable, feeling all alone. At lunch, you sat on the ‘loner benches’, which are placed behind the school buildings near the football pitch. It's called that because nobody usually notices it, so it's always empty. For once, you were too tired to be friendly and socialize with people you can't stand.

When you were watching the football game, you noticed Elisa playing. Sighing, you got up and walked to the building, deciding to help out the nurse in easy tasks like bandages. She likes you, and had previously written notes to the teachers for you ‘to skip’ their classes. And after what happened in class with Elisa, you really didn't want to face her again.

When you reached the nurse office, you saw Ms. Eugene frantically running around her office to grab things into her giant bag. When she turned to look at you she gasped, “oh thank God! I was about to call the office to bring you,” She grasped your arm, pulling you to sit in her office. “My daughter… she's sick, they called right now. Can you please take over my place? You know we don't have other nurses, and I trust you. You're very smart, y/n. If anyone came here with something more serious than a cut, don't hesitate to call the ambulance.” She rambled, her face filled with stress as she grasped her keys.

“I can stay here, just let the office know so I don't get counted as absent,” You were getting more worried about her daughter the more you looked at her. Ms. Eugene is a single mom of a 3 year old girl, having to carry the responsibilities of both parents as one. She nodded at what you said, and pulled the door open. “I hope everything works out with baby Lee.”

She turned to look at you with grateful eyes, and left you alone. You were stressed about the new ‘job’ you got, but excitement started filling you when you looked around. The posters, the small medications, the tapes and bandages. You can now pretend to be a nurse! You pulled out your phone to text Sam about your new adventure, until a knock made you flinch.

You glanced at the door, yelling out a ‘come in’. When the door opened, you heard Elisa's pained voice, “Nurse Eugene?”

When Elisa glanced at you, she rolled her eyes and limped outside, making sure to shut the door as loud as possible. Usually, you would be hurt at this. But by the way Elisa was limping, you jumped up from the big chair and ran out to see what happened.

“Elisa, are you serious?!” You pulled the door open, finding her limping down the stairs. She looks up to see you and asks, “What are you even doing here? Where is the actual nurse?”

“She had a family emergency,” You followed her down the stairs, “Elisa you're limping! I'm just going to tape you and you will not see my face again.” Your voice cracked as you said the last part. Usually you're good at masking your feelings, but Elisa's pained face in front of you and the way she ran away from you broke you.

Elisa groaned loudly and took a step forward, holding onto the stairs’ railing and following you back into the nurse's office. When she got in the room, she limply sat on the bed. Glancing at the wall in front of her instead of you.

She had heard the neediness from your voice, and it made her heart throb quicker. Even when you clearly feel disgust around her, at least you were worried about her right? Did you do this because you cared about her? Or because you didn't want to get in trouble?

You brought disinfectant wipes, a cotton ball, pre wrap, and a tape. You placed them near her on the bed then turned to look at her to see what actually happened. Elisa lifted her foot up to show that the injury was there, and when you looked down you saw a trail of blood and a cut on her lower shin.

You pointed at the bed as your face scrunched in worry. Awkwardly, Elisa twisted her body towards you and layed down, resting her upper body on her arms behind her. You sat on the bed too, making sure the tapes were near you.

You grabbed the wipes packet, glancing at Elisa to make sure she knows it will be painful. But she was already looking at your face, so you panicked and just placed the wipe directly at the cut.

“Fuck!” She pulled her leg away and threw the wipe away. But you grabbed her foot and pulled it to your lap, using a different wipe and attempting to clean up the cut again. Elisa’s hiss was loud, and it involuntarily made your breath hitch and bite your lip for a second. You had to stop being inappropriate and dirty minded. It's disrespectful, so you tried to ignore it and continued cleaning up the wound. But when her defined and thick calf tensed up, you froze. Of course she will have muscles… She plays football!

“Can you be quick? It's burning me.” Elisa's frustrated groan pulled you out of the daydreams, so you quickly placed your right hand on a piece of cotton there and awkwardly tried to place the pre-wrap over it with your left hand. Elisa saw you struggle so she placed her fingers on yours over the cotton pad.

You quickly removed your fingers from her warm hand, and started wrapping her shin tightly with the pre-wrap. It was easier now to be completely focused on the injury in front of you instead of Elisa’s gaze or warm hand, it was your dream to major in a medical field and you didn’t want to harm Elisa or tape it wrong.

All Elisa was doing while you were taping her shin is look at your face. She was intrigued on how you knew how to do this. For her, she plays football and it’s mandatory for all of the players to know how to tape and deal with certain injuries. But for you, she wasn’t sure on how you knew how to do this… or how you’re good at so many things, you were just perfect in everything in her eyes.

She shook her head at her thoughts and looked at your hands instead, watching you bring the sticky white tape and securing her shin just like the physio at her academy. When you were done, you softly tapped her foot, indicating that she can lift it now. She removes her foot from your thighs and twists her body to sit on the bed instead, forcedly turning her head to look at you with a thankful smile, “you taped it well, thank you.”

You shrugged and looked down at both your feet, dangling them around as you bit your lip in embarrassment, “Thank you, I’ve always wanted to do this in the future so…”

“Be a school nurse?” Elisa asked.

“No, just anything with the medical field.” You replied. Elisa didn’t realize how close you were both sitting next to each other until she accidentally nudged your foot when she started moving her feet like you. She stood up, making sure not to put her weight on her foot, and walked to the door.

“Good luck with that, you’re smart and I think you’ll be able to do it.” You looked up to see her at the door, heart slightly warming at what she said. You smiled gratefully at her and nodded, before mumbling a short, “good luck with football.”

Elisa giggled with a shrug at your comment, and closed the door behind her delicately this time. You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and hid your face in your hands. Why was it comforting to you that she thinks your hard work will actually get you to your dream major? Did she lie to make you feel better?...Elisa hates lying, you have noticed that because everytime she doesn’t like anything she’d stay quiet…not lie.

But the door was opened shortly, Elisa appearing again with a flustered smile, “I forgot to ask you for a nurse pass.”

You raised your face from your hands and nodded in her direction, standing up from the bed to the desk and writing a note. When you reached ‘time:’ on the notes, you turned to look at Elisa, “Hey Elisa… Do you want to go to class now or walk around the school? I can lie about the time and basically give you free time.”

She looked away from a random poster and turned to look at you with a bright smile, the ones kids do when they get offered candy. “Will you actually do that for me?”

You giggled at her reaction with a nod, she skipped happily and sat on the bed again. She turned to look at you with a grateful smile and pulled out her phone from her pocket, “thank you, I can’t stand the PE teacher or any of the students.”

You hummed in agreement as you sat there awkwardly. Elisa continued scrolling through her screen, while you were just looking at her. “If the teacher asks you why it took you so long you should say that you were dizzy and almost passed out because it is mandatory for nurses to keep students in their office for a minimum of 20 minutes.”

She looks away from her phone to look at you for a second before returning her eyes back, “yeah thanks.”

You didn’t like how she wasn’t really talking to you, even when you knew she didn't like you at all. For a second, it felt like all the tension that was there in the morning had oozed away, but you soon realized that you had to accept that the discomfort Elisa felt toward you will always be the same. As you thought of a topic to talk with her, there was a knock on the door.

You glanced back at elisa to signal for her to hide her phone, before calling out a ‘come in’.

When the door opened, you saw Elisa visibly grimace and you realized that it's Paul the moment he said your name, “y/n! Or should I say Nurse y/n?”

You turned awkwardly to Elisa with a confused look. Nobody knew you were there other than the office, how did he know? Your minutes of peace were frustratingly disturbed now that other students know. Elisa shrugged to show you she didn't know how he knew, but she didn't want to admit that she did text Katoto about you helping her skip.

“Hey Paul, do you need a bandage?” You fake smiled at him. After the whole prom planning that happened, you really didn't want to be around him.

“What? No, I'm just here so you can write me a note to skip class.” He laughed as he sat at the seat near you, grabbing a note from the desk and giving it to you so you could write him one.

“I'm not allowed to do that Paul, you know that.” You looked at him disappointedly and returned the pack of excused notes back to where they were. Paul groaned in frustration. He glanced at Elisa on the bed and pointed at her, “what about her?”

“Elisa is dizzy and has to stay here for a while.”

“Y/n do you seriously believe that! C'mon, I'm your prom date! She fell and bled a little, that's all. I was there. Look! She can stand and walk normally with it taped.” He cried out, pointing at Elisa's taped shin.

“Calm down weirdo,” Elisa calmly said. She didn't like the way he was yelling at you, and she was slightly worried if you couldn't think of an excuse to tell him about how she was dizzy so she tried to waste time.

In fact, Elisa didn't know why you were doing this in the first place. Taping her shin is understandable, but helping her skip class? Memories of first period hit her, and now she doesn't understand you.

Paul turned to look at Elisa after what she said, “weirdo? Did you just call me that?”

“Paul, stop acting childish!” You groaned. “Elisa got dizzy…when girls are in their…you know what, they can feel dizzy. Especially when they lose even more blood.” You mumbled to him as you pointed at her shin. It may not be the smartest excuse, but Paul doesn't know a single thing about women's bodies and you know he's going to feel weird and awkward when anyone mentions ‘periods’.

Paul looked down in embarrassment after what you said, turning to look back at you. “Um…sorry I forgot you guys get that, I'll just leave.” He talked under his breath, before opening the door and leaving you both alone.

Both of you and Elisa exhaled in sync, before turning to each other with a soft smile.

Elisa looked away from you to the door, “he's a dick.”

You sighed as you relaxed into the seat, “Yeah I don't know what else to do with him,”

You looked at your painted nails, avoiding Elisa's glance. You wanted to speak about this with someone, but you didn't like to put your problems into someone even if it was your best friend. “He didn't even…bother to ask me out properly like the movies.”

Elisa noticed the deep frown on your face. She never expected a day where the both of you are sitting down and talking about boys, but it felt slightly better to know that you're opening up now especially after the two months of ignoring and distancing yourself from her. Maybe you weren't as mean as she made you seem in her head, and she liked this vulnerable side of you. “Well… he's a guy, what did you expect from him?”

You let out a scoff, “it just feels like no guy is good enough. We always put the effort in everything, he couldn't even care about what dress I'll wear or flowers or anything.”

Elisa wanted to make a gay joke, but she still didn't trust you enough to joke that way. And considering the way you behaved around her drawing just a few hours ago, she didn't think it would be a good idea. “You're too pretty and smart for him anyways.”

You looked up to glance at her, but she was looking at her taped up shin. Did she mean it? A deep blush ran through your face, and you let out a soft giggle at the thought of her thinking you deserve better than the most handsome guy of your class.

“Yeah? Like who?” You questioned. Maybe Elisa knows someone she can set you up with for the next prom, or maybe she can help you find the love you always yearned for but the boys are too immature and inappropriate…Or maybe she'd say she's the one for you.

Elisa glimpsed at you and stayed quiet with no response for a few seconds. She shrugged, “none of the guys here for sure. Maybe somewhere else.”

Elisa didn't like the attention you just gave her. You turned a compliment into a questionnaire she can't answer. But who is there to blame but herself, she's the one who said you deserve someone better. Elisa loved the small giggle that came out of you. No matter how much she hated your behavior towards her, she always liked making girls realize guys are trash.

You crossed your hands in front of you as you rested your head on them, looking up to Elisa from your seat. She was deep in thought, and you started wondering if she'd ever date a girl in your school. Would she give her flowers every week? Would she receive flowers?... She's still a girl no matter how different she dresses, and she still deserves them. Would she be a physical person like the students that do PDA? Or would she pretend she doesn't know her girlfriend to not gain attention?

Elisa noticed you staring at her weird, the same glance she'd see Katoto has when she looks at Adam. Her ears turned pink and she pulled out her phone to complain to Marie about the ‘Voldemort guy’ interrupting what could've been your first ever sane conversation.

You were probably thinking about Paul, right? Maybe your ‘dream’ man since the both of you were talking about it.

You realized your thoughts were drifting too much, so you closed your eyes tightly and hoped sleep would come and take you somewhere away from Elisa. You shouldn't be thinking about her that way. And you also shouldn't assume her sexuality, like what that Quora response said…even after what she said about guys.

Elisa had noticed you sleeping, so she concluded that your dreamy stare at her was probably sleepiness making you tired. She sat there and scrolled on her Facebook and Instagram.

When she realized that it had been over an hour of her time in the office, she knew she couldn't use that excuse anymore and needed to focus on the other classes. She stood up and approached you, whispering your name.

When she didn't see you react, she knew she had to touch you. But she didn't know how, childishly afraid of tapping your arm. Your fringe had been covering your face, so Elisa lightly moved them away and placed them behind your ears, hoping you wouldn't feel her touch. Elisa always had short hair and she never wanted to grow it out, but she still loved the feeling of hair in her fingers. Fleur gets frustrated whenever Elisa plays with her hair, and Katoto has braids so Elisa was ‘not allowed’ to touch her hair no matter what (she tried one day and Marie yelled at her).

Your eyes scrunched at the feeling of soft fingers on your forehead, and when you opened your eyes you saw Elisa's horrified eyes. You sat up looking confused, worrying about why she looked like she had seen a ghost. “umm… sorry for touching your hair I tried to wake you up but you didn't wake up from my voice.” Elisa rambled quickly, stepping away from you towards the door.

“Wait,” you groaned out, “You're leaving me?”

Elisa smiled at your confused face, slowly speaking so you could understand, “I spent too much time here already, I can't miss more classes.”

She almost laughed at the way your face contorted, something deep in her is warming up and now her whole body is burning. She knows she needs to leave this room before her thoughts start spiraling, so she gave you a small wave and left the office.

Maybe it was the sleepiness talking, but for once, you finally knew that Elisa is a sweet person… and your heart break from the morning today came back, when you realized that what happened today was only a one time thing.

___

~ yes, the next chapter will be prom

~ fun fact, there are some countries in Europe that do prom nowadays. Maybe not back in the 2010s but this is fanfiction so xx

~ did you guys notice something about Paul's looks? yeah y/n has a type ;)

[anamericangirl]

Hey, Project 2025 anon.

It took me a while to find more unbiased sources (and get through some of the document itself because whoa it really is that long) since all of the results are bloated with leftist fear-mongering. I didn't notice that when I first looked it up. The left really are the only ones talking about it.

When I first looked into it (right after my friend mentioned it to me), I noticed that it was also labeled as a collection of "proposals"...which literally means nothing. Proposals aren't finite and it was one of the first indicators to me that people were freaking out for no reason. In summaries, I found *maybe* one or two things I didn't fully agree with, but because I don't believe our rights are being taken away, I don't really care.

Also, this thing has been around since 2022 and there hasn't been much uproar until now. (Granted, I didn't know about it until recently either). You'd think that if it was such a threat that leftists/politicians would have brought attention to it when it's been there for nearly three years, instead of waiting until when supposed doom is literally right around the corner.

What a coincidence, almost like there's an election coming up or something. But what do I know?

I haven't been able to get through to my friend. She's completely locked in and by now I'm just worried for her mental health because she's essentially tormenting herself for no reason. Regardless, thank you for your response yesterday. It helped a lot. I suppose my anxiety just makes me easily susceptible to others' nerves LOL.

P.S. Kind of unrelated, but I've been getting Harris ads about abortion rights that say, "The government has no right to tell women what they can and can't do with their bodies." Suddenly now the left knows what a woman is (we're not "bleeders" and "birthing people" anymore y'all!) and is against government overreach? LMFAO. I also find it interesting that I haven't gotten a single campaign ad about Project 2025, unless it's specifically focused on abortion. You'd think that if they cared about how "everyone's" rights are going to be taken away, they'd be focusing on more topics than just abortion. But abortion and just parroting, "Our rights are going to be taken away under Project 2025!" without elaborating is the best they can do, I guess.

Exactly 👍 the left just thinks if they say “Project 2025” enough it will scare people into voting for them which unfortunately is true in a lot of cases but Project 2025 is, as you saw, nothing more than policy proposals from the Heritage Foundation that have been around for a couple of years now and have nothing to do with anyone’s presidential campaign.

And like, I don’t know everything that’s in Project 2025 because I’m not about to sit there and read a 900 page document but also I don’t care what’s in it because it’s irrelevant. I know none of the leftists crying about it have read a single page so I just assume they are wrong about whatever they claim is in it lol

And for a plan that’s supposed to take all of our rights away it’s funny the only one they’re crying about is abortion which is the one “right” they say is at stake every election.

But yes they always seem to remember what a woman is every time abortion comes up for some reason 🤔

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #35 | 09.26.23

Hi everyone!

Hope the beginning of Fall has been kind to you all <3 To be Frank, it has not been Kind to me LMFAO. But I'll get into that, so let's dive in yippee!

Before I do, someone liked this post recently, which was such a throwback. It was before the full demo was out and everything!! I was so young and full of life. I'm going to sprinkle some comparison shots of the new assets with the old ones to break up the text and also walk down memory lane with me! (Full GUI not shown as I'm still waiting on the assets)

Chapter Cards (Left: After | Right: Before)

The "Progress"

I'm going to structure this devlog a little differently from the usual template. The main reason being, for those of you who didn't see, I have not been feeling Myself recently.

This month I found myself all out of sorts. While I felt like I was making progress and doing so much everyday read: fighting for my life, when I looked back on things at the end of this month, I didn't feel like I really did much.

On a higher level, I finished fulfilling Kickstarter physical rewards, opened a Kofi shop of the remaining merch, edited Druk's route and continued writing Etza's route, updated assets and code for the updated demo, and then general commission stuff (BGs from Vui, soundtracks from Peter, etc.).

But overall, Alaris felt largely like it was kinda sitting at around the same spot as it did when I entered this month. Which made me a little sad! I had wanted to make So Much Progress on Alaris because next month I won't be able to work on it really. Then, I realized I haven't taken a break from game development since I started it two years ago HA!!!

The Real Progress

Development for me has been back-to-back. Chapter releases every 1-2 months during my first half year of development, Full Demo release shortly after, Kickstarter shortly after, Full Game Development shortly after. When I was feeling burnt out from Alaris, I made intertwine. Then I was Heavily Involved in the development of two games shortly after.

All of this on top of my IRL responsibilities, which include a job, PhD school, and well, functioning as a normal human occasionally.

And then here we are at the end of September 2023, and I'm wondering why even though I creatively want to work on Alaris, I find my brain literally just getting too tired to think.

Etza CG (Left: After | Right: Before)

I think ever since the Kickstarter, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to consistently put out LOTS of updates for each monthly devlog. I don't want people to think I'm not working on things or I'm not committed to delivering after giving me their hard earned money. But now, with two years under my belt, I'm realizing that is... HMM maybe too high of a standard to put on myself for my first game ever. There are many much more seasoned developers than me who don't put that pressure on themselves (which is Good and Healthy).

So this month, I debated scrounging around and gathering all my crumbs to give you all a devlog that you'll be satisfied with. But I decided ultimately that wouldn't be good for me and would honestly not be the most transparent way to present the current process of things.

And so. Here I am. Head in my Hands. Letting you all know that while I'm not "burnt out," I am.... only human LOL (one human at that). And so some months, like this one, will just not have much progress to report. Not because I'm not working on it or any other deeper reason. But because it's physically impossible and unreasonable for me to be continuously pushing out a steady stream of content.

In-Game Sprites & BGs (Left: After | Right: Before)

Next month, I'lll be taking a vacation. It's actually my first Big, Official one in a Long Time! I'm very excited for it. And while I did initially think about working on Alaris while I was traveling on trains or things like that, I decided to respect my own need to be a Human and just take a break for once in my life. I don't even want to say I Might work on things, because that sentiment alone will pressure me to make some progress. So yes. Next month, there will be no devlog or updates. But please rest assured, I am "working on Alaris" by letting myself just Exist and Rest Up!

Not an Alaris screenshot but it is market research that deserves to be included because I played House in Fata Morgana recently and it was Phenomenal!

Thank you all for understanding and your continued support. I'm extremely appreciative to have such a kind and patient community. Hope you all have a wonderful October filled with Fall Treats, and I'll see you in November! <3

[johnslittlespoon]

ok okokk i may be pushing it but i just cant stop picturing barry circa 2012 with leaving!bucky. i just feel like theyd have the cutest dynamic ever. he gives art student vibes like maybe hes studying film or literature. theyre childhood bestfriends and maybe they were eachother's homoerotic-codependent-friendship canon event. UGHH theyd be so cute stfuu. and maybe bucky and gale are already established and curt is just yearning for a whileee like over a year of slow burn until the three of them are a throuple... idk i just miss curtbuckbucky. you dont have to change your canon for the long fic i just needed to share this idea lmfao

au post | NO ur not pushing it this is such fun world building teehee <33 genuinely this is gonna help me later for drafting! (FUCK MY LIFE HOW IS THIS 2K WORDS. i thought i only had a few thoughts... i was so wrong. my bad chief. enjoy/suffer ig)

ok so this is so funny because i've actually been thinking ab how sweet those two would be together, cute little nerdy besties, and how they'd meet because of course curt has to be in this fic!!

and the first thing my mind went to was the cliche homoerotic codependent friendship trope too LMAO. i'm feeling like maybe they meet on the first day of highschool; neither of them share their english class with any friends, and they end up sat next to each other, and john keeps side–eyeing him because curt looks... interesting. (ie: deep into his emo phase. the fringe. the smudged eyeshadow. chipped black nail polish, band shirts– all things john does not let him live down as they grow up.)

but his eyes settle on some pin on curt's jacket that has some character from his favourite movie or something, and the yap jumps out, john can't control it. blurts out a "you like ___ too?!" and curt's head snaps over and he nods nervously and john takes one look at those big sad charcoal–ringed blue puppy eyes and is like yup. this is the one. will protect with my life.

(tiny headcanon that rly won't have a big effect on plot or anything, but i feel like it just fits very well with john/his character in leaving– dude's got madddd undiagnosed adhd. he's written off as a loud mouth/troublemaker in his childhood, but he wants to be a good kid, his mind is just always going too fast and sitting still is torture and his parents get frustrated and don't look into the root of the problem, trying to discipline it out of him instead. i will heal my inner child by healing him alright)

they're attached at the hip from that moment on and it makes sense to no one because they seem like complete opposites, curt more inclined towards the arts and bookish things and his friends are all the same, whereas john is more inclined towards athletics and science and hangs around that type of crowd as well. but they both love video games and movies and music and they bond over never really feeling like they fit in anywhere particular and both groups of friends get along just fine when they all get together. <3

but yk time goes on, they learn things about themselves as they grow up, and curt and john are so close and spend so much time together that they're already a lot closer than regular friends– they just don't realize it. they think nothing of cuddling up on the couch watching movies together, or sharing a bed when john stays over at curt's place after he gets into a fight with his parents, or being much more interested in spending time together than pursuing girls.

and curt's pretty– john nearly mistakes him for a girl that first day they meet. the summer before their senior year, john practically spends the whole summer at curt's house, and curt's mom doesn't mind; she works long hours and is glad her son isn't spending the summer moping around indoors alone, and she loves john and gets the feeling that her home is a sanctuary for him. one day they're in the backyard lazing around, and they get onto the topic of first kisses, and neither of them have had a proper relationship outside of those classic week–long middleschool flings that don't actually mean anything, so there's not much to talk about.

but being dumb teenage boys, they start worrying about "what if we're really bad at kissing and no girls wanna go with us to senior prom this year" etc. and one of them pops the suggestion of practicing together, and thus begins a summer of sweet stolen kisses and hand holding and experimenting and dancing around calling it something. it ends when the summer does because they realize that they both work better as friends, but they're as close as ever and both definitely learn they aren't straight (and they probably make a cute pact– "if we aren't in love by the time we're thirty, we'll just marry each other.")

i don't see them really doing much together because they're young and shy and inexperienced, but it's enough for john to decide that yeah, he definitely likes guys too, but that's all that really amounts to (until he meets gale) because he's growing up in a small town in wisconsin and it's not the easiest/most accepting place to find other queers. john probably ends up dating a real sweet girl during his last year of highschool, but she's going away for college and john's going to a local one so it ends amicably at the end of summer, both of them staying close friends. (if we wanna get sickeningly wholesome, maybe she ends up pining for a girl while john's pining for gale and they share their little stories and give each other advice and facetime every week to catch up <3)

(++ curt ends up falling head over heels for ken, who he meets through john when curt and john's friend groups get together for movie nights or summer parties. john pretends to be annoyed at how lovesick they are when they first start crushing, but he ends up matchmaking and being the one to push them to confess their feelings after graduation because he loves his friends.)

BUT THEN, leaving this fic's 'canon' to elaborate on the throuple stuff you said! i miss curtbuckbucky too </3

in a separate universe, curt doesn't end up with ken, and as much as he loves his friendship with john and agrees that a relationship wouldn't have worked at that time in their lives, he spends that first year of college pining. when john starts talking about some guy named gale during their second year, he's a little sad, but mostly protective, because "what do you MEAN he's in his 30s??" and "he's a BIKER?"

but john eventually introduces him to gale after a few months of telling curt about him, probably once he and gale actually start seeing each other, and curt immediately gets it. and then he's in double–hell because not only is he a bit (a lot) in love with his best friend, but he's blushing every time said best friend's new bf talks to him, and they're gonna notice eventually if they haven't already and he feels so guilty.

more yearning ensues and john is dense and doesn't realize but gale picks up on it, maybe even notices john doing a bit of pining of his own that john's not fully aware of. and his heart twists because his mind goes to his own insecurities about how john should be seeing someone his own age, so he sits john down and opens up a conversation about it. john is adamant that he's very, very happy with gale, but he tells gale about his and curt's past and admits that he has always still had feelings for him, but insists that it's not something he'd ever pursue, that he values curt's friendship more.

gale throws him off by saying he wouldn't mind if john wanted to explore those feelings, and at first john gets anxious gale is calling things off with the two of them and this is his way of softening the blow, but gale reassures him that's not the case, that he's very happy with their relationship. he just encourages that if he wants to talk to curt and feel things out, he wouldn't be opposed to john and curt seeing each other as well– gale's often busy, after all, so it would be nice for john to have someone else, as long as curt's comfortable with that kind of arrangement and as long as john keeps gale in the loop.

they decide to kinda just feel it out as they go, but soon enough gale starts coming home from work every so often to find the two of them curled up on his couch together, sweet and innocent. curt's wary at first, always slightly detaching himself from john when gale's around, but gale is always friendly and doesn't change up his routine, settling on the couch at john's other side like it's not a big deal at all, wanting to show curt he's welcome there, not wanting john to feel guilty.

it's another scenario where lines just sorta start to blur over time, curt spending a lot of time over at gale's house, and gale sees the way curt looks at him, probably noticed it from the first time they met but chalked it up to nerves at the time. curt's an angel and he's grown quite fond of him, but he doesn't want to overstep, so he leaves it up to curt, thinking maybe the boy will mention it to john one day and john will in turn come to gale to talk about it.

and eventually that happens, just like gale thought it might. curt's just gone home and john's head is in his lap on the couch while they watch tv, and john asks "what do you think about curt?" and gale tells him that he's sweet and he loves how much john smiles when he's around him, the usual. "so you like him?" john pushes, and gale immediately has a feeling where this conversation is going, drags his eyes away from the tv to look down at john.

says "of course" easily, and lets john take his time forming his thoughts. john ends up telling him that he and curt were fooling around earlier while gale was at work (and god help gale for the images that puts in his head) and that he'd made some offhand comment about how curt better hurry up if he doesn't want gale to come home and catch him half naked on their couch. and john's all shy when he says "and curt, uh. y'know. that... did it for him" with a vague gesture LOL. gale never fails to find it amusing how certain things can fluster john to talk about after all they've done together.

"so, anyway. i asked him about it after, if it was a coincidence, and he was real shy about it, but he did admit after a whole lot of apologizing that he likes you." gale listens to him nervously get his words out, petting his hair encouragingly, waits for him to be done before he asks "how do you feel about that?" only to watch the flush return when john mumbles "it's hot."

this is getting sooo long i need to take away my own typing privileges, but basically that's how things would start between the three of them– john and gale agree that gale will let himself be a bit flirty with curt and see how curt takes it. obviously this goes a little too well when curt gets hot and bothered sat between john and gale during a movie night with john's hand on his knee and gale's arm resting on the couch behind him while he plays with curt's hair.

the movie is forgotten when gale's finger catches on a tangled curl and curt doesn't bite back the little whine that slips out in time and john's head snaps over and he mumbles a "fuck" when he realizes what's happened, and his lack of filter comes out to play when he turns to curt and asks "curt, can gale kiss you?" and curt turns to gale with big doll eyes and nods.

john ends up palming himself over his shorts as he watches gale coax curt into his lap, face hot and pupils blown as he gets to see both his guys make out in front of him, almost dizzy seeing curt get so shy and needy and pliant because when it's just the two of them, he and curt are both very balanced in their dynamic. they've been such close friends for so long that not much gets the other truly shy like that, and they're always quick to voice their wants and crack jokes while fooling around and all. so to see curt get so flustered in that way with gale has him lightheaded, and by the time they all collapse into gale's bed at the end of the night, john's convinced this is the best decision he's ever made.

there's a lot of pining on curt's end because for a while it's kinda just sex when it's the three of them, and he loves it but he also finds himself wanting more but feeling too scared to voice it because he feels like he's intruding. but eventually they all get their shit sorted out; curt fits into their relationship just right in a way gale and john never intended or expected, and gale falls for curt just as much as john has and curt does the same with gale.

gale's got two sweet things glued to his side now and man, do they ever give him a run for his money, and if he'd thought john had too much energy (and stamina) it's nothing compared to keeping up with both of them, but he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

throuple things won't be happening in the actual fic, but i do love the idea of exploring the dynamic the three of them might have in a spin–off of that au so this was rly fun thx :-) maybe i'll write a pwp oneshot set in that universe as an excuse to write more curtbuckbucky once the fic is done LOL we'll see!

[gubbles-owo]

okay fuckit, gather 'round: it's gubbles' storytime. girl's band cry hyperfixation be damned, it's bringing up so many Things in my heart. i say i've never performed live onstage, but that's not entirely true. while a far shot from actually taking part in a band and playing a show, allow me to tell you the tale of the closest I ever got to that: a random session at jamspace, pax east, 2016.

.......... senior year of college, i was brought onboard with another group of students who had not only completed a game demo for a class project, but wanted to take it further. a lil VR game, simple in concept and clean in execution, i was invited to do music and audio for it. (i was, of course, the sole game audio/music-focused student on campus, as my school's gamedev program didn't really have a dedicated audio designer track). ultimately it fizzled out and not much came of it, but for a good chunk of time it was everything. our future ambitions, something to carry us forth from graduation on into the industry, to cement our own little foothold in the vast world of game development. we took the train to boston so many times, showed off our game at SO MANY local events, hell i had never known how to navigate a complex subway system, and here we were sifting through every few weeks or so. it was a wild fucking time, and honestly? i wish i could experience it again. something about the weaving of fantastical future prospects with the tangible, corporeal experience of it all. once foreign subway systems, sprawling in a subterranean web of concrete and metal, the sidewalks of city streets lit by the glow of the city, now strangely familiar in such a short span of time... *ahem* right, where was i... right, pax east. our school provided a limited number of booths for teams to show off their projects at pax east, and being one of the big promising projects stirring up on campus, we were granted a spot. (actually i had TWO spots because two separate projects/teams i took part in got accepted, so i had to pull double duty for a lot of it LMFAO). i've been to pax before, but as a fan and attendee, not as a developer. so this was an entirely new experience... ...and that experience was having the booth you sit at all day right next to the massive league of legends (ew) stage!! they blasted music constantly! half of it was just percussion loops from Heavyocity's Damage, and i know because I RECOGNIZED THOSE PERCUSSION SOUNDS and even USED SOME OF THEM IN THE PROJECT I WAS WORKING ON. see, the convention floor is loud. like. incredibly fucking loud. it's one thing if you're walking around as a fan, you've got other talks in siderooms to go to, and you can always step out and get some fresh air if you're feeling overwhelmed. but ya can't do that when you're on shift to demo your game to con attendees for the next several hours, can ya? :3c so yeah, long story short, i got sick. real fuckin sick. i had to YELL over the din of the convention the entire time, and after just one day, i had already lost my voice. and i mean COMPLETELY LOST MY VOICE. i could not speak, only painfully croak. i had to resort to crude hand gestures and typing shit on my phone to communicate. it was rooouughhh. and after bringing this up with my teammates, they agreed to cover my shifts, and let me rest. because the con was so fucking loud, and i was still stuck there sick all day, i informed my team that i would be headed to the jamspace room to pick up earplugs. and by "earplugs" i mean. haha well. lets justr say. a bass guitar. (srry for screenshot but tumblr hated this paragraph for some reason and kept blocking the post):

i was sick as fuck, and for sake of my health, should probably not have pushed myself. HOWEVER. i would NOT i repeat *NOT* let this sole opportunity to slip me by... i've always wanted to perform with other musicians, so fuck it, i am doing this. so the next twelve minutes i shuffled my sickly ass alll the way around to the room at the very end of the hall. i had taken note of the open-stage timeslots the day prior. i had one hour to do this shit. one hour to make the dream come true. i cannot describe the nervousness i felt going into that whole thing. i lied to my teammates. i couldn't speak. a dark room with a little clipboard to fill out a timeslot and instrument, and an empty, brightly lit stage on the other side of it. but i shuffled stage right, strapped on this bass, and asked for a pick (because im a fake bassist). and. holy shit.

i had no voice, but with that bass strapped to me? i could make the entire room *shake*. and words cannot describe how utterly fucking powerful that felt.

a few other randos took up the other instruments. i don't remember much about them, only that they intimidated the HELL out of me. i had done like concert band in high school, i've jammed on instruments in my room, but this? this is something entirely different. we played through a couple tracks... they kept suggesting "hey how about x song from y band?" but my stupid-ass doesn't have a degree in classic rock like everyone else apparently does, so i shrugged and said i didn't know how to play it. we finally settled on the one song suggested that i was, at least passingly, familiar with... metallica's enter sandman lmfaO the "passingly" there is very important, because while i know the general flow and structure, i wasn't sure about the specifics. when we got to the first pre-chorus, i notice something had shifted, and i was no longer playing the right notes. i must've either sounded terrible or look visibly confused, because the guitarist to my left turned toward me, angled his fretboard to be clearly in view, and taught me how to play the riff while performing it onstage. and i did it!! i picked it up, just like that!! it was just the earlier bit but transposed up a few steps or smth, but god, just. that little moment right there? that quick moment of guidance mid-performance? holy fuck that is magical. the other awesome moment was somewhere in the bridge, like. okay. i could barely hear myself, as the guitars and vocals and cymbals right behind me were all incredibly loud (they didn't have earplugs btw lol). but i wasn't sure i was like, contributing much to the song? and while i admittedly improvised this bit, for the build up into the final chorus, i stopped playing. i let the guitar and the drums have their space. and slowly, quietly, high up on the fretboard, built back up until WHAM, i come back in full force with the chorus. IT WAS SO COOL. LIKE. the mix sounded so weak and thin without me, and the contrast of making the entire fucking room violently vibrate with the flick of my wrist on the downbeat? holy FUCK. IT'S MAGICAL. MAGIC IS REAL Y'ALL AND IT IS ONSTAGE. anyway yeah, played that song, some members swapped out but no one else was signed up for bass, so i stuck on for a lil longer. another guitarist taught me how to play one of the splatoon themes, and while it was fun, the drummer kept us both going on that one riff for a looot longer than we wanted to lmfao fun fact! none of my team knew i did this!! they probably would've been PISSED had they found out!! actually they stole my con pass on the third morning, which made sense cause they had someone else fill in for me at the booth, but none of it was communicated to me and i was piiiiised. wound up navigating the subway and trains back home, all by myself, for the first time. but YEAH it was AMAZING. it wasn't an established band playing a local show, it was just a bunch of randos fucking around. and god. i... i really want to be part of a band someday. i want to feel this again.

even if just for one show, for one song, for one moment... i need to feel the weight of the room underneath my fingertips.

[prince-simon]

holaa

curious fun question(s) to hopefully make you smile after so many when is the next chap out and are you still alive or have you already joined the holy god of gay? preguntas lol

what were wilmon doing (or not doing) when they spend the night at zarzuela after simon's attackers were caught while relearning each other ? (since the (physical) description is both vague and super detailed wtf?? haha) any unkown spicy or thoughtful thoughts you wanna share abt it? was the scene planned early on? what was changed in the process? and why? thinking back, how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? do you think this evening/night at simon's childhood room was fundamental in their healing and simon's trust in physical touch? could the awful situation have their love ripped apart (since wille was worried it'd not be as 'before') or was it always sure they get out of it together and in more or less one piece? is simon now wille's sunflower or his heather? ;)

mucho amor och churros to you <33

hiiii let's ignore that this ask has been sitting in my inbox for so long pls thank you for this ask i'm obsessed with it and it did make me smile when you sent it and it's also making me smile now but also pain!!!! bc it made me reread that specific scene. i've also dug around in my beta readers server for thought processes around this scene so hopefully this is gonna be somewhat coherent lmfao

was the scene planned early on? it really wasn't at all. and it actually was supposed to be a smut scene in the beginning haha i told my beta readers, yo, i think we're gonna have some coping smut and then over the course of a week (how crazy is it that that's 2 1/2 years ago now!!!) i wrote this scene

what were (or weren't) they doing? what was changed in the process and why) as it developed i got to a point where it just didn't feel right to show them having sex because it was such an intimate moment for them that even just writing it i felt like an intruder. i said to my beta readers at some point that wilmon can have sex off screen so i think it's very much up to reader interpretation at this point. but "on screen", in the chapter, they were really just touching each other and coming back into their own bodies and to each other

how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? it was. a lot. to put it simply haha. i mean generally speaking the entirety of chapters 10-12 were the hardest thing i've ever written, emotionally speaking. i think this little screenshot was me in the middle of that scene lol: and this one was after i'd just finished the scene (and the chapter): was the scene planned early on? it really wasn't at all. and it actually was supposed to be a smut scene in the beginning haha i told my beta readers, yo, i think we're gonna have some coping smut and then over the course of a week (how crazy is it that that's 2 1/2 years ago now!!!) i wrote this scene

what were (or weren't) they doing? what was changed in the process and why) as it developed i got to a point where it just didn't feel right to show them having sex because it was such an intimate moment for them that even just writing it i felt like an intruder. i said to my beta readers at some point that wilmon can have sex off screen so i think it's very much up to reader interpretation at this point. but "on screen", in the chapter, they were really just touching each other and coming back into their own bodies and to each other

how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? it was. a lot. to put it simply haha. i mean generally speaking the entirety of chapters 10-12 were the hardest thing i've ever written, emotionally speaking. these two screenshots were from in the middle of writing that scene and after i'd just finished it (and the chapter):

so yeah it definitely messed with me. i can't say how long in total it took me to write chapter 10 but i do remember having to actively take a day or two off writing in between and implementing some serious self care to make sure my own mental health wasn't completely plummeting. i think it was definitely good that i had my beta reader team behind me to suffer through it with me but also to help me cope and distract myself with silly things so shout out to them always!

was that night fundamental to their healing/simon's trust in touch? i think after the hell they've been through over the past couple days, they definitely needed that moment to remind themselves that they're still alive and that they had each other. so i guess, yes it definitely was fundamental to the healing journey going onwards. i think they needed it to be able to keep going bc we know that chapter 11 was a whole other shitshow but i think without that intimate moment, everything would've been even more fragile

could the situation have ripped them apart? i think if wille hadn't learned to love and respect himself and his own boundaries as well, it would've been hard for them to meet on common ground again, and if they'd stayed together it would've turned so toxic. but because they both learned and grew, they managed to push through (but in any scenario, i think they would've fought for their lives to stay together)

is simon wille's sunflower or heather? heather :)

thank you thank you thank you for this ask i had so much fun answering it and diving into that scene again! hope i wasn't rambling too much and you're satisfied with the answers hahah! <33

[lowkeyrobin]

Ho there i was wondering if I could get a badlinu x reader where he's streaming with like a q&a with reader and its just like reader and him moments

yesss 🙏🙏🙏 I've finally found my people FREDDIE BADLINU SWOONERS RISE THIS IS OUR TIME ; I'm glad to be leading the fanfiction revolution for Freddie because like.. I've been here since day one, I'm glad to be leading this army of Freddie fans on tumblr. one day we shall rise and dominate the champions- ; anyways sorry this is so fuckin short lmfao 💀🙏

BADLINU ; q&a stream

summary ; youre streaming a q&a with freddie

warnings ; language

word count ; 451

y/s/n = your ship name

masterlist

"Freddie, I swear to God-"

"Ow!"

"Dude! My lamp! You better fix it"

"I'm sorry!"

"Guys, forget the Q&A, start a new hashtag. #BadlinuHateClub2024"

"Y/n!"

𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖ ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖ ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃

You and Freddie sit silently and smile towards the camera, only blinking as your chests heave up and down, heavily breathing. Your lungs work overtime as your faces are cold, yet Freddie's is red, showing off that there was some sort of physical activity that ensued beforehand.

"Hello, welcome home- welcome back," you greet, breaking out into laughter as you fail to speak. "Sorry, sorry! Welcome back to stream, I'm joined by Freddie Badlinu as per usual, we're doing a Q&A"

"Hashtag BadY/nQ&A on Twitter!"

"Send us questions!"

You let a few minutes pass before opening Twitter on your desktop, pulling it up for the stream as well.

"When did we meet?" You speak, reading a tweet aloud, looking to Freddie for him to answer.

"Ninth grade algebra" He lightly smiles, "They couldn't do any of the work and failed like, all the tests and I felt bad, so I passed them notes with answers on them"

"Can confirm that happened" You laugh, "I'm shit at math, he's the only reason I was able to graduate"

Freddie spots another as you scroll, stopping you to read it. "When did you start dating and why?" He reads, "Uh, I mean, we started like, kinda going out in our junior year, it wasn't like, dates though. " He begins.

You join in, giving him some room to scroll for another while you talk. "We were like hanging out more and stuff, and officially, they morphed from hangouts to dates, and it just kinda happened." You shrug, "Undefined love, as they say"

"Who says that?"

"Me."

He nods, quickly finding another good question.

"Fanfic stream when?"

You both burst out laughing, speaking over each other with smiles painting your face.

"We need to find a y/s/n fanfic first"

"I'd gladly write a fanfiction to read on stream!"

"Please write us fanfictions! Good ones that we can binge for a year!"

"Make it a mafia au!"

"What!?"

"No, no, no, make it like, based on that one song, uh- You know what I'm talking about!"

"Meet Me In The Woods Tonight by Lord Huron? Or the other one?"

"Yeah, yeah! That one!"

"Get to work writers!" Freddie smiles, pointing at the webcam. "You have two months to write the best y/s/n fanfics and submit them to #y/s/n2024fanfics"

You hold your hands up in a prayer like motion, begging the viewers, "Please, content, money, please!"

"It's for the laughs, not the money!"

"It's always for the money!"

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[rainywashere]

Come Along for the Ride

(Copy and paisted from my wattpad @rainywashere, follow me if interested!)

A/N: This got quite a few reads so I decided to continue writing this even though honestly this shit is so cringy to me, but if you enjoy my writing, thank you, and I wrote this for weird people like you (**us) anyways have fun reading whatever this shit is lol. I bet all you horny mfs didnt even read this and skipped to the smut didn't you... lmfao hope you enjoyed either way.

WARNINGS: Uh I'm not sure if spencer is dom or sub so you can decide. Sex in car, riding, sex without protection, public sex, smut.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I think I was the only person in the BAU to ever see inside Spencer Reids apartment. I don't think I would have ever gone in at all if he hadn't invited me over after work for a cup of coffe and to borrow one of his beloved books, which I promised to take very good care of. It reflected his mind. It was small. He told me he wouldn't know what to do with all of the space. What space he had was filled with books that I'm sure he had read front to back several times, boxes of random things, some of which I assumed to be evidince from cases that he had never managed to solve. 

"Sorry it's a little cluttered." He said awkwardly, grabbing an old cup of coffee from the counter and putting it in the sink. "I haven't been here in a while." We sat down at the small kitchen table together. "You haven't? Why?" I asked. "I spend most nights in the office." He said, starting to drink one of the two cups of coffee he had just made for us. I swear to god he was a fucking addict, but it was hard not to become addicted to it when you worked in the goddamn fbi. "Spencer." I sighed, putting my own cup back down on the table. "You have to get rest." He chuckled. "I do get rest, on the weekends." He said, shrugging. "Well you have to get more rest, okay Spence?" I asked him, actually concerned. "Yeah and I will!" He protested. "When we solve this case." I rolled my eyes. Mid roll my phone started ringing, it was hotch. "Speak of the devil."

"Hey Hotch, I've got Spencer with me. Whats up?" I put the phone on speaker so Spencer could hear, both of us were now high alert. "Hi, Morgan, Emily and I are going to check up on a potential suspect, we would apreciate if you both could join us in case we're in need of backup." He said, getting straight to the point. We both nodded even though it was just a phone call. "Yeah, of course, we're on our way."

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We met Hotch and Morgan outside the BAU sitting in a black SUV. Spencer and I climbed in the back next to Emily as they greeted us. As Morgan started driving to the suspects house, Hotch told us about him. "He's a 32 year old white man Named Gorman White who lives with his spouse, Sarah White, who is a 30 year old white female. The male was turned in by an unknown caller who said they had seen him in the area of the crime not long after it was said to take place. It's not definite, but he's the best we've got right now."  He said, his eyes locked on the world outside of the window. Spencer nodded slowly. "You said he's got a wife?" He asked. Hotch nodded. "You think she might be connected?" He shook his head. "No, this was definitly one person, and assumed to be a male." He replied. "When you interview Mrs. White, be sure to do it in a seperate room from her husband, she might be scared of him." I said. Emily nodded in response. "If it would help, I would be willing to question her, if she would be more comfortable with a woman." She said. "That would be great." Hotch said as we aproached the house. "Now lets go over the plan one more time, Spencer and Y/N, you'll stay in the car to lookout of he runs or we're in need of backup. Emily, you'll question Sarah White and I'll question Gorman White, Morgan, while they're all destracted, you'll search the house for any evidince." We all nodded.

Everything was going as planned, Reid and I were in the car waiting and keeping an eye out for the unsub and kins of for eachother. I felt his eyes on me, and from his reflection in the window I was looking out of, my feelings were proved correct. I had never seen him look at something, let alone someone with such a look in his eyes. I blushed a deep shade of pink and continued pretending to look out the window as his Hazel eyes traveled across my body shamelessly as I stared at his own body through the reflection. He looked hungry, for me. And I had to admit I was starting to feel the same way. Me and Reid had always had a bit of a tension between us, but I had never thought about acting on it, in that moment it was they only thing I could think of. Hotch, Morgan, Emily, and our potential unsub were far from my mind as I took a breath and turned around.

He looked away quickly. "Uh, did you see anything?" He asked, turning back to face me, his eyes still a little needy, but his face cold and relaxed. I shook my head. "Did you?" I gave him that look, and I almost regretted it for a moment when I saw his eyes widen in fear, he knew I knew. The fear went away as he looked into my eyes and saw the same amount of lust he had in his own. He nervously looked over my shoulder at the house before gently grabbing my face adnd pulling my lips to his and kissing me softly. My eyes slowly closed, melting into the kiss. For  doa person that was always made fun of for never having a girlfriend, he was a really good kisser. I swear to god it's always the fucking nerds that surprise you. I placed my hand on his back and then in his hair as it began to get more heated. "How long do we have?" I asked, trying to catch my breath. "I don't know." He said, also short of breath. His cheeks were cherry red and I smiled, pulling his face to mine and kissing him deeply. He grabbed my waist and pulled my onto his lap. He let out a little moan as I rubbed against his boner. "We gotta be quick." I said, looking twoards the house. I could see Derek inside, I wasn't worried that he would tell, but I knew that he would never let us hear the end of it. Spencer nodded and unbottoned his pants, then doing the same to my pants as I slid his cock out. I pulled my underwear down as he got himself ready. I lined him up with my entrance and looked at him. "You ready?" He nodded quickly. 

I slowly lowered myself onto him and stayed there for a few seconds to adjust. Spencer had his head thrown back and his hand on my ass. I started slowly going up and down, both of us moaning. "Fuck, you feel so fucking good oh my god..." He moaned. I took that as a que to go a little faster, and in turn his moans got louder. "Fuck Spence!" I screamed, throwing my head back as I bounced up and down on his dick. He reached up and pulled my bra and shirt down revealing my tits. They shook in his face as I bounced up and down and I could tell he was getting there. "Fuck, fuck I'm almost there." He moaned, I was right. "Me too, its okay, cum inside me." I bounced up and down as both of us felt the pressure build up. We came together and I could feel him filling me up as we both moaned and I rested my head against his chest. He was still inside me and I felt so relaxed. "fuck, that was amazing Spencer." I kissed him before getting off and we both put our clothes back on.

I don't think Morgan saw, but Emily was acting a little weird when she got back into the car.

[sentience-if]

Hello!!! :)

I just want to say how much I love your IF, it was so good from the moment I read it I became obsessed. I almost wish I found this a few years later cause I desperately want to binge this whole. Usually if I like a IF I'm enamored by maybe one or two of the ROs and maybe the plot as well but your IF just rubs the right spots in my brain. All the characters are so endearing as well as the dialoge. This IFs plot and lore gets me so curious like I'm always just turning everything over in my mind like I'm roasting over a spitfire. I just want to let you know how much I enjoy this IF and also that you can take as much time as you need to finish the chapters, I'd rather you take the time you need then burn out! ALSO I love the community you've built it's so fun and ty for answering all of my asks no matter how foolish! I'm rambling but still feel like I could on but mercifully I'll end it here. Thank you :)

-🐀

don't worry, i've been burnt out since 2019 so it can only get better from here (insert oprah shrugging.gif)

but thank you for real. I was having a Sleepy McFuck kind of day and this actually woke me up. and just know i will always answer asks unless it's a spoiler, in which case they sit in my drafts for time untold lmfao

[kitkatpancakestack]

did you ever read or see the movie 'holes' if so, madney as the kissin' kate and sam storyline wherein'  ------>"Katherine shoots and kills the sheriff. She becomes the outlaw "Kissin' Kate Barlow", so named because she leaves a red lipstick kiss on the cheeks of the men she kills. " <------ ie Doug is killed by maddie with chim (the sam to his kate) helping her out and them having shenanigans thinking they're gonna go to jail it can be comedy or dark lolol don't take this prompt if it doesn't spark or you're like what's holes?

Teenie you KNOW I loved this prompt and again so sorry it's taken me so long but literally for the last two weeks I've been doing nothing but writing and reading I'm LIVING. I want to make this a whole fic so bad so who knows lol.

ilysm babe and I hope this lives up to your expectations <3

“Mornin’ Sheriff.” Doug jerked at the sound of her voice, peering up at her through a dark fringe of hair. The town jail was eerily quiet for a mid-afternoon. Maddie reckoned it must have had something to do with the unrelenting sun beating down, the cloying stench of sweat and listlessness pervading the dusty streets. She slipped her finger through the knotted ribbon under her chin and tugged it loose. “Maddie.” Doug jolted into a sitting position, running a hand through his hair.  She smiled, slid her bonnet off her head, and dropped it to the floor. “You still want that kiss?” A lazy, smug grin spread across Doug’s face, rippling over his features like the lake where he’d shot Howard. A knot formed in her throat at the thought, strengthening her resolve. The bastard in front of her leaned back in his chair, content, like he’d won, like he knew he would win all along and they would always end up here. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, Maddie thought, repeated to herself like a mantra. Only, it had warped in the time since that moment on the lake. The Lord moves through me and I am the Lord. I giveth and I taketh away. Doug raises his eyebrows at her, expectant. She lifts the gun in her hand and relishes the spark of shock in his gaze before pulling the trigger.

I'm always taking little drabble/ficlet prompts (even if I take ten years to respond to them lmfao) so feel free to drop them in the inbox anytime!

[romanarose]

Semi-Hiatus

Hi guys!!!

I'm just going on a semi hiatus to focus on school.

I have a 15 page research paper, a 12 page research paper, and another research project due the end of the semester i need to focus on now.

And, to be honest, my grades have... not been great LMFAO

And I've been open that I have been mentally unwell.

Still, this is my last big semester on campus, next semester Ill just be taking a few gen eds. I'm in the home stretch!!! It's gonna be okay.

I just need to focus.

That being said, I do not wish to complete not write.

I will be doing my commissions.

I will be doing all my 2000 follow celebrations asks, and the two other asks that have been sitting in my ask box for months lol.

I will keep working on Rooms on Fire, because that's my precious series.

and me and Fen will keep working on If you Wanna be Wild, 2 chapters left!

I know some of y'all still are waiting on Blessed be the Fruit and Awakening. I know Awakening was started over a year ago and it's been like 8 months since the last chapter, and I'm sorry, but I had some writers block with that last chapter. writing a bisexual orgy with 5 participants, almost everyone fucking each other. It's a lot! we'll get there eventually.

Anyway, Thank you all for your ongoing support!! I appriciate you all so much!!!

[yuurivoice]

What’s your writing/brainstorming process like?

Every good idea I've ever had came to me while driving and daydreaming, listening to music. Those AMVs in my head go crazyyyyyyy bro. LMFAO

That's honestly more truth than a joke, I do a lot of my visualizing and playing around in my head with concepts and scenarios. However, they're more like the massive story beats and not the in between. The actual meat of the story happens once I've jotted down all of those beats and start to figure out how I get from A to B to C.

And sometimes those big moments get thrown out as I realize it was just a funky lil daydream and not actually coherent, but if it gets me excited enough to get to work, I'm cool with the process of refining things at the keyboard.

A lot of the work happens in my head first, and it doesn't become a cohesive thing until I'm writing and exploring as I go. I'm very bad at sitting down and just dumping out an outline from scratch, and usually when I do that I have to take a second or third pass to really turn it into something that doesn't look like I was just trying to get my homework done.

I've been doing too much thinking with recent stuff. Situations where I'm left thinking "but if it goes THIS way how will I get to that thing I thought of years ago????" and the truth is fuck whatever I was thinking two years ago, let's see where this new thing leads me and if it ties back into what I thought was going to work back then, cool! If not, let's see what happens if I dig and find something even more exciting!

Then if that doesn't pan out, revisit the old roadmap. I don't want to get married to ideas that might not still be fresh and fun and creative now that I'm crossing these bridges and actually getting into the thick of things.

tldr: It's a fuckin mess.

[forever-will-last]

2, 12, 27, 45, 63

AAA THANK YOU!! I can't tell you how excited I was to see this ask from you :D

From this ask game

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

Oh excellent question!!! Honestly, probably somewhere with really lovely beaches. I want to say like an island in Greece so I can live out my Mamma Mia fantasy LMFAO

I'm skipping 12 for now but it'll be under the cut at the end because I'm including cat pics and it made this post VERY long LOL

27. favorite book.

It's been a while since I've read a lot of non-fic books BUT I will say I will never get over how good I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy is. I absolutely loved it. Obviously, really intense book/topics, but her audiobook rendition of it was probably the best audiobook I've ever listened to.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

This one is REALLY hard oh boy um part of me wants to give some really wise answer but honestly I feel like Reneé would be so much fun to talk to LOL

63. favorite outdoor activity.

Ooo I'm not the most outdoorsy person in the world BUT I do love swimming in a pool. I'm not a strong enough swimmer for like the ocean but I do love just vibing in a pool or hot tub and enjoying warm weather that way!

Answer to 12 featuring cat pics under the cut!!

12. favorite animal.

I loveeeee cats so much! And I am ABSOLUTELY going to take this opportunity to yap about the cats in my life LOL

I had a very sweet soul kitty named Minnie who I adopted as a senior cat back in 2019 who I had until she unfortunately passed in 2023 and I have never felt more bonded to an animal in my life. She was a sweet baby angel and I loved her more than life itself. This was her in 2020.

My roommates currently have two cats, Otis and Wage, who both have pestered me (lovingly) greatly while writing. Here's Otis (he's my stupid idiot son and does not have a single thought behind those eyes!)

Technically Otis was a joint adoption between me and my two roommates but we're all moving apart soon and he is VERY strongly bonded to my other roommate so he will be remaining with them.

Then there's Wage, who's my third roommate's cat and ADORES me and loves to sit in my lap. I'm not even kidding when I say a good 50% of my fics have been writing with Wage sitting in my lap.

Unfortunately despite my huge love for cats once I leave Boston in a couple of weeks I probably won't be able to have any for a few years. I'm moving back in with my parents and my father is SUPER allergic so. I will have to wait to return to owning a stupid little idiot baby. I will miss Otis and Wage dearly!!