#ugh. anyways! im going through it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mistninja · 1 year

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how fast i can go from loving burrich to hating him truly i am fitz and fitz is me

#he almost fucking died and hes more concerned with fitz being queer I MEAN WITTED #'i should have beaten it out of you' HOW IS BEING WITTED NOT A QUEER METAPHOR #ugh. anyways! im going through it #fitz just lose his second wit bond and you TURN ON HIM he was worried for YOU #THIS 14 YO BOY WAS WORRIED FOR YOU AND YOU REPAY HIM LIKE THIS #OH JAIL. JAIL FOR A HUNDRED YEARS #rote reread

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macdenlover · 2 months

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we don’t acknowledge enough how dee used to be a pageant winner when she was a kid and how much damage it did to her. she worked her ass off and got recognition for being pretty and talented at a young age and it was the only source of self esteem she could garner in a family that constantly berated and talked down to her. she sought after that external approval because it was the only way she could prove everyone around her wrong. her dream of being a performer didn’t come from a self-aggrandizing delusion— she genuinely showed a lot of potential when she was younger. but she went through an unflattering puberty and her spinal condition got worse and that natural talent she had as a kid plateaued way too early. the “former gifted kid” dilemma. she slowly lost the thing that promised her that she was good, but she was so desperate to keep holding onto it that she tried anyway. again and again and again no matter how much people made fun of her because it was always about proving them wrong. but after a while she couldn’t jump anymore without anticipating the way it feels when she hits the ground face first. self-sabotage became her way out, choosing to rather live in the fantasy of her own unrealized potential and blaming those around her for her lack of success, than having tried and crashed again. she’d rather buy lottery tickets over and over and never scratch off the numbers than to see that she lost. that self-sabotaging behavior bled into other aspects of her life too, from friendships to relationships to therapy. her own short lived success is what made her grow into embodying the cycle of failure.

#iasip #dee reynolds #oh deandra #someone tell her she’s good #this may very well be a diary entry vaguely disguised as character analysis but lets move past that #also doesn’t not help at all that im going through my own dennis and dee go on welfare unemployment plotline irl #BUT LETS MOVE PAST THAT #she’s such a fascinating character i really hope they explore her more in s17 bc she’s been like. a side character for the past few seasons #another thing i regret not telling charlie when i had the chance ugh #i wanted to be lighthearted and complain about the promo pics being ugly but when i opened with ‘#‘can i air out some grievances’ he was so open to it and actually seemed kind of disappointed that i WASNT talking about the writing #and it was like. in no universe could i have possibly been prepared to have an in depth convo ab the show with him at that loud ass bar #or like. expected him to be open to WRITING CRITICISM of all things #there’s so much i could have aired out. So much. but alas #what was i talking about #oh dee #anyways yes dee my sweet dee i love her my stupid tragic middle aged girlfailure my wifr #wife #i love you

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surrealsunset · 4 months

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my page for @dgm20thproject that i forgot to post...! i worked on the glitch effects on this until the very anguish of this page was screaming at me straight into my burnt out retinas lol

#dgm #dgrayman #dgm20thproject #d gray man #dgm 20th anniversary #allen walker #mana walker #mana d campbell #artists on tumblr #eye strain #eye strain art #glitch aesthetic #bright colors #epilepsy warning #<- jic #... yeah i think the inherent sorrow from this page combined with the literal grief i was going through at the time--#--severely prevented me from posting this on time #i did a second page but icr if we're allowed to post those yet? and im WAYYY less proud of that one LOL #ugh. but yeah i'm super proud of this. sighs #manga that . was my parents for me. in a sense.#i kind of held on to the idea of allen being my friend and real parent for a long time as a kid ngl #i literally have an allen fictive who's a permanent caretaker so yeah lol #i rly wanted to draw something new for the anniversary but. i mean this counts. this definitely counts #anyway yeah. enjoy ;;w;;

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melon-official · 5 months

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She wails as though a part of her has died.

oh man. i picked up the sidestory to @just-a-carrot's five-arc horror epic a couple days ago and i'm so glad i did. i'll probably be talking nonstop and/or drawing about it for days

there's a handful of whiteboard doodles with other characters under the cut, but rly i just wanted to pay a homage to the scene that hit me the hardest... enjoy

#theres already PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs in my partners dms over this freaking thing but like listen to me (jingle jingle) PAY ATTENTION #i feel like i have to add that visual novels arent really something i take interest in at all this one jus JUMPED me #i actually played the side piece (our cinderella) first + was so in love with the writing i went to check out the main story. worth it #and i DEFINITELY won't be able to fit everything i want to say in the tags but its so refreshing to read/play thru a novel where the protag #are regular ass adults. like middle class thirty year olds barely breaking even. and that still get sappy unapologetically.#need more stories like this fr #that aside it's been fucking crazy to look at iggy's character arc through his eyes considering yk.. everything.#theres no universal asexual experience or anything but sometimes there'd be a line in there that made me like. sit up and go damn what the #i did that. i do that.#it's. i cant explain it in depth in the tags its about the way topics are skirted around and the realization that something is #uncomfortable in a way you werent expecting it to be. or even on your radar. theres so much #ugh. im unwell. anyways.#dewdles #our wonderland #gidget bordelle #iggy maxwell #genzou #genzou ichihara #cecil- does cecil have a last name??? cecil.#blood #injury #ask to tag

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puppyeared · 11 months

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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

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zymstarz · 4 months

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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

#zymart #zymtalk #rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st #the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL #i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board #bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route #and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week #then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly #in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized #after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly #SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it #oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi #i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie #[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now #idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim #but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it #anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe #edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j

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ausrache · 2 months

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lowkey wanting to give mali a bit of a rebrand in terms of her personality. lowkey wondering what i want to do with her. highkey wanting to be here but the muse is not cooperating ( nor are my energy lvls in this heat. )

#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐎𝐎𝐂 ❮ out of character. ❯#( is this how i say that im back )#( yes )#( yes it is )#( or at least for a moment )#( im still on the quiet side )#( so much so that even my coworkers noticed which is like )#( so embarassing for me JHSAJHASJAS /hj )#( im always trying to put on my biggest :> persona at work so )#( lmao but yea going through it )#( still )#( dont need to elaborate but yeah thats still a thing )#( i might lurk over more on my multi.... )#( im rlly feeling daeng )#( and im also feeling mali but idk )#( i think its been my fault for writing her like a bland ass baked potato )#( like ye she is a bit inexpressive bUT ALSO SHE ISNT LIKE )#( ugh anyways thoughts are thinking )#( im gonna try to do smth )#( dunno what exactly but it will be smth )#( writing ffs in the meanwhile again ;; its been rlly nice )

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constantvariations · 3 months

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Just started Roman Holiday and I want to grab E. C. Myers by the shoulders and shake him like a bobblehead

#rwde #why the fuck are you doing mean girls?? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MEAN GIRLS MYERS #and this is a world (supposedly) based on color and individuality. absolutely NO ONE would be weirded out by heterochromia #this shit is so contrived im gagging #and i cant stop groaning at the fact that yep. *another* set of villains are confirmed to be victims of societal shortcomings #this is why watts is the most interesting villain post v3. dudes in this gig for himself and his ego #everyone else (besides tyrian which is its own bag of worms) has ~odeur de tragedy~ fueling their allegiance to salem #watts my beloved you did not deserve to go down like that #anyway cant wait to hear what fresh ableism and misogyny this book has in store!#not even halfway through chapter 3 ugh #lets just hope it's nowhere near a slog as before the dawn. took me like. two months to finish it bc i kept pausing the audio to berate it

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doctorwormcore · 1 year

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What i think i love the most about the live action is just how much love there is? Yeah its different from the anime, but honestly....kinda better. I love how kind they all are, the strawhats clearly just love each other already, their own little family

#opla #crying screaming throwing up #i hope we do get to see more of their og personalities shine through #i.e. sanji being a bit of a hotheaded dumbass and zoro being a bit of a moron and nami being a bit more a big sister hahaha #but i love the opla strawhats so much man #i love that they highlight that sanji is inherently soft or that usopp really is charismatic or that zoro really is a snarky gay bitch lmAO #and like i ADORE opla nami #im so excited for chopper man... im watching the anime atm and he still isnt here yet ;-;#boku wa doctor tony tony chopper if you even care #god if they made everyone else hot can you imagine how hot robin will be!?!?!?#ugh....can you imagine how theyd tackle whole cake island with soft!sanji ....feelsbadman.jpg #i mean we have a LONG way to go before we even tackle the time skip....very apprehensive as yo how sanjis will be tackled bc girl...#lbr that shit was insensitive and transphobic af....#dont get me wrong....sanjis a fucking misogynist lmao....less so in the la...still there tho #god bless him...thinks hes just chilvalrous #anyway no notes on luffy he is literally perfect can do no wrong precious baby #if anything hes not as objectively stupid lol but like they only had 8 eps..you really can only squeeze in the most important shit #anyway i am screaming...dennis o'hare NEEDS to play eric the whirlwind if they utilise that shit #anywya thats my rambling for today lol

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stormyrainyday · 3 months

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this entire year has been flop after flop why am i losing so bad your honor i am literally just some guy

#im yapping u can move on if u dont wanna hear my life story #first i get nuked by stomach pains when i go to visit my friends #something that had been ongoing for years but #my best friend convinces me to see a doctor that year #my condition deteriorates no matter what meds they put me on #i finally get a more invasive exam that shows my intestines were inflamed #i get put on fucking steroids that fuck me up physically and emotionally #i go through multiple med school exams after spending months in crippling pain #pain so bad id be bedridden for hours #got 6 weeks of migraines near daily #sometimes multiple in a day #stressed out of my mind by the time my finals came around to the point that i could no longer bring myself to care #bc i was sure id fail no matter how hard i studied #visit my friends again bc somehow its already winter again #am a nervous wreck all the time and retreat into my phone #but also hate myself for not spending what little time i had fully present #constantly worn out and exhausted bc my meds are barely working #and id found out i was allergic to a lot of things so i was cutting a lot of things out of my diet #lmfao it was so bad my weight still hasnt recovered but yeah i come back i start 3rd year #the toll the last year had taken on my mental health finally registers #i become too depressed to study for my hardest module yet #UGH THATS SO CRINGE JUST SIT DOWN AND STUDY??#but nothing was sticking on god #anyway im sure ive failed #and la salud mental no es bien or soemthing idk i havent taken spanish in 3 years #anyway deep sigh i just stay losing #i cant believe im in like four fucking research projects and classes and trying to work on myself this shit sucks balls #and clinical rotations...#lord just strike me down

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decaffeinatedscarykoala · 3 months

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Tears in my eyes and a forced smile on my face as I try to ignore the crippling agony I get cursed with monthly

(Keeping it together cuz I genuinely don't have the energy to lose it)

(No I am not a werewolf)

#remus lupin #🤝#me #and all pussy bleeders #i cant even stand up to get drugs cuz i don't know if I'll make it back into my bed #cant go to sleep cuz the pain is crazy #i say that like i sleep anyway #or like i dont go through the same thing every month #literally just watching marauders edits on tiktok #scrolling though my saved #marauders era #periods #ugh #soneone get me a james potter #i just wanna be loved😭😭😭#i never loved anyone more than i love unhinged cr reg defending james #also cr james and sirius and remus #and also any fic of james and sirius being unhealthily codependent #idk if my bestfriend is still my best friend and im lowkey losing it #i cant tell if im going crazy or if shes genuinely a bitch #like i love her but damn has girl been pissing me off lately #but sometimes i get in a i hate everyone mood #and i love her sm but idk if i can trust her #and i just love pandora😭😭😭#also rosekiller is everything to me #also james and remus friendship is my life #also im still in sm pain #also im having an existential crisis #idk who i kin rn #its been going on for a while now

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triglycercule · 25 days

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brooo these fucking TIME DIFFERENCES are PISSING ME OFF 😭😭😭 i took a nap here and checked the clock app to see what time it was in America and i saw 12 and i was like oh alright sure i can post because im past my usual time anyways. and then i wake up from anothe nap and check the time in america and it turns it was actually 12 AM when i checked. AM. not PM. because im not there and my usual schedule is messed up!!!!!! i hate leaving the country it ruins me. and also i dont have universal service so everywhere sucks just keep me in my state ill be satisified

#whoops i say as i desperately scramble to find a way to unpost a post #ugh...... whats done js done. im not goig through all that effort to repost a post #the killer art is gonna get like no attention but its ok its ok i dont do it for the attention (for the most part)#anyways it looks good anyways and i completed 2/3 of the jk trio so mentally im satisfied #satisfied enough not to chase that high of attention ‼️‼️ me when i have basic restraint #yeah i'll admit i like seeing the attention. im not prideful enough to LIE about that #but im also not prideful enough to go after it too much. only post at specific time because then itll get likely to be seen #and then thats IT!!!! no mlre...#i may be a person who's never experienced any sort of internet attention before tumblr #but im also a lazy uncreative fuck who cannot be bothered to do anything until its really late #it'll get my minimum proudness of a post note count of 20 in like a month anyways so its ok #god i cant believe im actually posting my srt. i would NEVER last year at all #i do not have a lot of pride in my art i should probably fix that. im trying. boom there fixed!#im simply not good enough i MUST improve more ‼️‼️ i MUST be better i MUST be more flexible i must be A BETTER ARTIST!!!!!!!!#im a not good enough artist in my eye until i can draw a good everything in every style. i must be a jack of all trades #an admirable goal i know i know im very focuses on that. i say as i make no effort to improve aside from baby steps #i think this is more real tricule than tricule rant. this has naught to do with mtt #real tricule

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toastsnaffler · 9 months

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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It

#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks #its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue #wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it #even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it #ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm #but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought #it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting #but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it #and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself #im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud #aaanyway #im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick #yawns so loud bye for now #.diaries

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gayspock · 1 year

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fucking hell. my coworker keeps saying "you know what really boils my piss" and fuck me. now im saying it an all.

#Egg.txt #anyway yknow what really boils my piss #they were crazy with the transphobia today it was like #so severely uncomfortable 😭#like th ewhole office all morning bc this poor woman came through reception ugh #i couldnt do shit and i gross as fuckkkk they wont let it go -_-#im a bit worried one of them was trying to make up excuses to report her for dumb meaningless hit LEAVE HER ALONEEEEE #GET AWAY FROM HER

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eclarinet · 2 months

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same soup... different day

#hello it is sarah in the tags again #i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again #venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone #anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin #back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye #anyway this time i'd come in for the big D #i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong #i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety #its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc #anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the #isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers #isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and #i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic #anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing #i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche #also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like #ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it #and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this

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magical-xirl-4 · 2 years

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does it personally hurt my feelings when people (rightfully) critique SS's controls and how nosey Fi is?

yes

because this game is etched into my soul and mind I don't know how to explain it

#its so weird for me cause like #i played it when i was 11 #felt INSTANTLY and INSANSELY connected to it like it was part of me #REALLY connected to link. the master sword. zelda. the sky. fi. felt like it was a game MADE for me #didnt get into LOZ after i played some of it as a kid. i think its bc it wasnt the same #but now. im actually going through the games #and im enjoying myself #but beforehand. did i still name myself after the main character of a franchise i've only played one game of?#yes of fucking course i did thats how much this ONE (1) game and character means to me #i actually never finished it when i was 11 #i always wanted to finish it but i never did until i finished highschool and was about to go to college #i was 17. the exact same age as our hero. it was *the* right time #i loved the game more than i ever did before. finally seeing it through and finishing link's (my) story/journey #now it feels just as special cause im finally branching out and getting to know this character (technically me in a self-reflective way)#even more through the other stories #ugh. anyway. big dumb rant about how much i respect this piece of media after seeing more criticism to it.#yeah i like to go off. i know people love it which is comforting but. i just wish it was more loved #skyward sword

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