#ugh. i feel lik this is gonna easily trigger a meltdown or something.
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#diary#personal#...im really irrationally pissed off and about something very dumb.#i just dont like my things compared to something else bc i will think of said thing every time i look at my thing#and im just wondering if i should return the thing i just bought.#like. i know at least part of this is like pms but i wanna cry or hit myself or something.#self harm#im not happy. i dont wanna exist rn and deal with all this.#mn. i dont wanna get up i dont wanna work i regret showing them and i hate myself for it.#im stupid. why'd i even bother. and then i get upset when any normal person wouldnt bc its been contaminated in my head#like. dont comment on or touch my stuff!!! i hate these big fucking stories and im so upset#but bc its something no one would understand i have to work through it on my own and not mention it to anyone.#and ill just be upset and pissy till i move on.#like. ik ill just create a huge conflict if i mention anything. ik they wont sympathize. ik its not rational. but im very upset#ugh. i feel lik this is gonna easily trigger a meltdown or something.#ik most of this rn is hormones. this is why i hate being off t. periods and the like fuck up my already fucked brain chemistry#im not happy. i have nothing to read. nothing to do. i dont wanna make food. i cant make coffee today. im just rly upset.#i wish i knew someway to work through shit like this. but i dont. bc if i do some of the normal shit ill get even more angry and upset#this is why im so secretive tho!!! i love getting excited about things but a single comment can ruin it for me.#and now everything isnt special anymore. and now i want to get rid of it all.#i sometimes wish i was dead. like seriously. a human doesnt function like this. im basically one giant fucking mistake#suicidal ideation
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