#uhhhhh idk what to say down here I kinda covered it all in the keep reading section

[rollingaroundin-bread]

Hello and welcome to I redid my age up designs because I wanted to and so I did!!!!!!!!!! :D

uhhhhhhhhh explanations under the cut as per usual!!! :D

~

Officially speaking: shoot I figured out what I forgot

Okay so whenever I’m drawing I always forget SOMETHING right? That’s just a thing people deal with??

Anyways I forgot the FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS (except for Huey)

It’s very important that they all have friendship bracelets but I drew this over such a long period of time that I completely forgot to give it to people where it would be visible (i.e. Dewey, Boyd, kinda Lena)

It was almost important enough for me to go back but oh my gosh these pictures literally took an hour and I'm not doing that again very sorry

just: they’re there!!!!!! I promise!!!! Its just.... invisible.....

skdhjfgk okay sorry onto the actual thing

In order of left to right also known as height order!

Huey

I didn't change much from my first time doing this! 

Basically I gave him a dress shirt and a sweater vest :D

The key difference this time is that last time I made the undershirt red and the sweater vest burgundy! 

This time I made the undershirt pink!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Y’all that pink Huey trend from a little while ago was my life force

I hecking love the color pink so much

Anyways!! Moving on: he’s the shortest lol

As I have said before “Older Sibling Culture is being shorter than your younger siblings (I would know)”

But!!! I do love the concept fo Tall and Stronk Huey so he is actually very strong!!!

Instead he’s Short and Stronk!!!!! 

Webby and Boyd are the only one’s physically stronger than him but that’s because of spy training and literally being a robot (respectively)

But yes!!! Huey in a sweater vest and also very strong are important concepts so I did that here!!!!! 

(hmmn.... sweater vest,, nerd,,, weirdly strong,,,,,,, oh no I turned Huey into Chidi Anagonye klsdfjhgkakjahs)

Webby

y’all I messed up so much on this one

literally so many times

since you’re reading this I'll let you in on a secret

that may not be that secret ksdjfhlkds 

Anyways if you look closely at Webby you’ll probably see some weirdly placed lines

specifically around her face, shirt, hand, etc. 

basically I messed up enough that I thinned the paper significantly from erasing (multiple, separate times)

so I had so go in and paste another layer of paper over the thinned layer kjjdkahfgs

But enough about me messing up!! what’s with this outfit?

This one’s mostly about Vibes

I wanted to give off a femme lesbian vibe but still keep that formality we see in Webby’s regular outfit!

Hopefully I achieved that!!! 

This is one of the outfits I resigned completely from last time btw

The old one was fine but looks kinda weird to me now so this!!!

Oh yeah and I love long hair Webby a lot!!! So I included that!!!!

Louie

Louie is probably the one I changed the most about that still resembles the original design

Both times I gave him a button up for an undershirt

this is ‘cause I see y’all giving him suit jackets for when he’s an adult and he needs a middle stage before that

skdfjs- a middle evolution if you will jkadfhgkjhsfdka

But instead of a slip on hoodie over that I went with a zip up jacket because that’s just more practical y’know?

Also cheek tufts!!!!! 

I had them last time too but I love seeing adult louie with full cheek tufts so middle evolution effect comes into play again!!!

He and Webby are pretty much the same height right now btw

If you want to get technical about it Louie’s about a millimeter taller though!

I think that’s all I have for him though!

Gosalyn

Okay so I barely changed anything from last time for Gosalyn

Mr reasoning behind her outfit is mostly that I wanted a flannel gay and Gos was the obvious choice for that

and I liked that decision so I kept with it!!!

Main differences this time include: hair and shoes

So for the original hair I wanted to give her the “bisexual haircut” and I do like Gos with short hair so I kept that!

But I was having a hard time figuring out how to draw her regular bang situation so I went with a totally different style instead!

But I have sense learned how to draw her hair from the show so I incorporated that instead! 

In the original I also had her wearing shoes! I changed that this time because I forgot to give her shoes until it was too late! jksdafhg

Yeah this happens often kdsjhvfkajl (mostly with Lena)

Lena

Oh boy where to begin! 

In the original my one and only goal was to make Lena look like as much of a Lesbian as possible

And I achieved that much!!!!!! 

But in doing so I neglected to make it look like Lena

I mean well it looked like her but it didn’t give off her complete vibe y’know?

So instead of a Hawaiian shirt gay I made her a leather jacket gay!!! Much more Lena in my opinion! :D

I based her hair off of my interpretation of her Phantom and the Sorceress hair! (I know it looks nothing like it but thats how I draw it so???)

In the original I made her hair fade from pink to blue as well and I liked that so I kept it!! 

Then I kept the blue button up undershirt!!

I thought about giving it pinstripes but I don't have a thin enough pen or pencil to pull that off so I didn't :P

Hint of her old green shoes coming from the sock color! 

And then finally: stompy boots

Just to tie it all together! :D

Dewey

This man is LANKY!!!!!!!!!!

sorry I don't make the rules

Well technically I do sense I drew the thing- but thats unimportant!!!!

Dewey gets to be tall to annoy his brothers but in return he is LANKY tall

Otherwise I largely followed my original design!! 

All my reasons for the original were solely based off of ✨Vibes✨

I did change a few things though! 

For example: last time I gave him a 3/4 sleeve short and this time I just made them regular short sleeves

Last time I meant to give him shoes but I forgot so this time I didn't forget!! :D

Also cool socks!!

Oh and I added fingerless gloves!!!!!!!! 

This is once again based solely on ✨Vibes✨

I can’t put a lot of my reasons into words but I personally think I captured the theater kid meets aspiring pilot meets best friend to super hero’s sidekicks meets adventurer vibe pretty well!!

Boyd

!! Okay I’m excited to get into this one!

In my original Boyd was the shortest because technically he can pick his own height being a robot and all

BUT for that same reason I made him tall because: he wants to be tall like Gyro

The idea that Boyd wants to be tall like Gyro is literally so cute yall

I also based his outfit largely off of Gyros!!! 

That is: dress shirt, vest, bowtie, pants

But in Boyd’s color scheme! :D

I’m still working out how to Not to make Boyd look like a popcorn bucket but that’s a problem for another day! 

Violet

To start off: literally nothing was changed from the original

akjfdsghkskhal I’m serious no color changes, no outfit elements, nothing

I liked the original one a lot so I just kept it and redid it for this!!

My inspiration for the original was as follows: ✨Librarian Vibes✨ 

And I think I achieved that with the original so I hope I achieved it here as well!! 

Also Violet is TALL

She’s the tallest now and will continue to be the tallest!!!

I mean just LOOK at her dads!!!! They’re SUPER tall!!

So therefore she gets to be tall too!!!!!!!!!

And I think that’s it!! Thank you so much for reading if you got this far!!!!!!!!! :D

Have a nice day folks! :D

[h0neyyn]

hello. hi. i was sad so i wrote a drabble. uhhhhh i hope you like it? 💓

warnings: tw depression?, reader is sad (lol), soft, no smut but kinda ?????? idk not nsfw but it gets intimate 🥺

jimin/yn / 1700 words

please enjoy n thank u if u read it 💘

You always end up here. Sad. Self deprecating. Crying. For what reason? It slips your mind every time.

You’re so tired of it. Of the sadness. The loneliness. You just want a break from your mind.

you’re not pretty enough. you’re not good enough. you’re too fat. too squishy. your smile isn’t bright enough. their skin is clearer than yours. you’re annoying. you bother everyone.

Please stop. You’re crying out to no one.

You’ve shut everyone out, like you always do when you get like this.

You’ve turned your phone off, not that anyone cares.

He’s texted you 10 times. You usually answer by at least the third time, if not the first.

He calls you.

Straight to voicemail…?

That’s not like you. Unless you’re in one of your fits of depression.

He knows you handle it the best you can, but sometimes it just gets too much.

He really doesn’t like leaving you alone with your thoughts, so he does the most logical thing he can do.

He goes to find you.

He’s your best friend. (and unknowingly the love of your life. but that’s another discussion for another time.)

So he has a key to your apartment because there’s no one you trust more than him.

It’s quiet and dark when he arrives.

Nothing is on when you usually at least have some sort of background noise on. You always hated being alone in your apartment.

“Y/N?” He softly whispers out to the room.

He doesn’t want to startle you, but he wants you to know he’s here.

He hears some shuffling and follows the noise to your bedroom door. It’s slightly ajar, and he takes a peek inside.

It’s as dark as the rest of your home, but he can’t seem to make you out. Then he takes a look at your bed.

Right in the middle of it there’s a lump of blanket and sniffling.

You haven’t noticed him yet, and he slowly treks his way inside.

“Y/N…”

You freeze. And then you try to wipe your tears away so he won’t see them. Why is he here? Why does he always come when you’re at your ugliest?

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

He’s talking so softly your chest aches even more.

You just want him to go away. You want to be alone. (but do you really, though?)

He sighs softly, knowing he won’t get a peep out of you.

He starts to take off his shoes and his jacket.

He digs through your drawers knowing he has some sweats in there. He’s always here and sleeps over all the time so he just leaves his things here for times like this.

“Scoot over, angel.”

A fresh wave of tears falls out of your eyes.

It hurts so much when he calls you cute pet names. He doesn’t know that they actually mean something to you. (and you don’t know that he actually means them.)

You unwillingly move over so he can lay down next to you.

He pulls the blankets up so he can wrap his arms around you and you get a whiff of his clean scent.

He smells like sunshine and home and it makes your eyes clench.

“C’mere, angel.”

You hide your face in his arm so he won’t look at you.

He plays with your hair in that soothing way he knows you adore.

He’s humming and you feel yourself slowly relax until you finally rest your head on his chest.

“Do you wanna talk about it, lovebug?”

You take a deep breath before shaking your head, “Not yet, Chim. Keep petting me please.”

He lets out a chuckle and kisses your forehead. You try to stop the tears but they’ve already fallen.

He whispers so softly you almost didn’t hear it.

“Anything for you, baby. Anything at all.”

You wake up a few hours later, disoriented.

You didn’t even know you fell asleep.

Jimin has his arms wrapped around you protectively, he lips ghosting against your skin.

It gives you goosebumps and makes your heart throb in your chest.

He looks so beautiful and so content when he sleeps.

You’d give anything just to peck his soft lips.

You squash it down, no point in thinking about something that’s never going to happen.

You slip away wanting to cleanse yourself from the pain and tears.

You start a bath and fill it with your favorite smelling bubbles and oil.

You’ve just slipped into the water when you hear the door open.

“J-jimin?! What are you doing???”

“You left me. I was lonely, so I wanted to see what you were up to…”

Then he realized what he walked into.

You have your hair up in a loose bun, you put so many bubbles they cover up your private bits and it burns him inside.

He’s so close yet so far…

You’re steadily turning pinker and pinker and getting more embarrassed by the second.

Why is he just staring at you?!

His eyes are glinting and he starts to strip.

“Jimin! What are you doing?!”

You clench your eyes shut as tight as they can go.

He smiles sweetly at your flusteredness, but you can’t see him.

He laughs, “Scoot forward, sweetheart. I’m coming in.”

You’re so shocked you don’t even realize what’s happening until it’s too late.

You’re naked. In your tub. With your best friend. And lifetime crush. Who is also naked. In your tub.

You stop functioning.

His thick, strong thighs are surrounding you and you keep your limbs as close to you as possible.

You’re trying to control your breathing, because there is absolutely no way this is actually happening.

He’s staring at your back watching droplets race down.

He bites his lip and grabs you so you lean back on him.

You squeak so softly, he thought he imagined it.

He slowly wraps his arms around your belly and rests his head on your shoulder.

He peeks down, but all he can see are bubbles.

Is he disappointed? Yes.

Do you need to know that? Probably not.

He’s humming and you’re still frozen.

“Babe, relax. It’s just me, isn’t it? We’re friends, aren't we?”

Which is arguably the wrong thing to say because you choke back a sob.

“Friends? Jimin, what kind of friends bathe together?”

He laughs at that.

“Yeah… What kind indeed…”

You’re so confused by his answer you don’t realize where his lips are before it’s too late.

And then he’s softly kissing your neck and you short circuit.

You let out the softest little moan and he grins like the cheshire cat.

“Oh? What was that, angel?”

You’re so embarrassed you try to ignore him.

“I just wanted to take a bath with my favorite girl. Is that so wrong?”

Yes. You think.

“I guess not…” you say instead.

You doze off in his arms surrounded by your favorite scent and your favorite person.

He’s so happy to be this close to you, this vulnerable with you, if only for a little bit.

He wakes you up and wraps you in your towel.

He admires how beautiful you are naked and wants nothing but to worship you like the goddess you are, but you look so happy and warm he doesn’t push it.

You’re in such a daze you don’t even realize he just saw your body naked.

If you did, you’d be running for the hills.

But you’re so happy and warm, and being surrounded by Jimin makes you feel fuzzy all over.

You bask in it for as long as you can.

You both end up in your bed again while some show plays on the tv.

You’re not really paying attention, what matters is the way Jimin is playing with your fingers.

He slips his fingers in and out of yours, caressing your hand, bringing it to his lips every now and then to place soft kisses.

You don’t understand why he’s kissing your hand but you’re not about to question it.

It makes your heart beat a little faster every time he does.

Then he’s turning towards you smiling that beautiful smile you adore.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Your eyes go wide and then you close them.

“I love you, Chim.”

Your eyes are closed so you don’t see the exasperation on his face.

“No. No, sweetheart. Open your eyes. Look at me.”

You reluctantly open them and gasp and how intense his gaze is.

“I love you. I think I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. You mean so much to me, angel. All I want to do is soothe your worries and show you I’m here. And I will always be here.”

Before you can murmur a word his lips are on yours.

He kisses you hesitantly and softly, and you’re at such a shock you don’t react immediately.

As he starts to back away, your brain kicks into gear.

You bring his lips back and it’s everything you’ve dreamed of.

He’s so soft and sweet and kisses you like he never wants to to end.

He nibbles on your bottom lip and you gasp out.

He takes advantage of this and slips his tongue inside.

You taste like heaven. He swirls his tongue along with yours and he could do this forever, if you only asked.

He makes his way down to your neck and leaves a trail of wet kisses.

Then he’s nibbling and biting, and oh the things he wants to do to you.

He makes his way back to your mouth and ends it with a sweet kiss and you look so blissed out he wonders why he didn’t kiss you sooner.

He pulls you close to him and you press your lips against his neck.

“I love you. I love you, I love you. I love you so much, Jimin. You have no idea.”

He chuckles and places a sweet kiss to your forehead.

You melt inside.

“Oh I think I do, angel. I think I do.”

You fall asleep to the rise of his chest and his fingers tracing the skin of your back.

You can’t wait to see what life has in store for you next.

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoldretired]

uhhhh pregame headcanon time

mostly himiko time but i got a few others to. also just so yal know, i prefer the pg! au where its a simulation a la sdr2. so. context.

HIMIKO TIME pg!himiko got her talent mostly as like a sick joke bc she’s desperate for meaning, so they give her a meaningless talent ahaha. but also. i think she’d prob practice witchcraft or like, or maybe just like really interested. also her magic talent comes from the fact she’s specialized in the slip of the hand if you know what i mean. the five finger discount. the buy none get all free deal. she’s a klepto, you guys. 

but besides that she like, really dislikes dr and thinks all of these guys are total weirdos but also she’s here so she’s a weirdo too. 

basically the same super apathetic kind of useless everyone’s a comedian personality as in drv3. but this time taking NO ONE’s bullshit super adamant about how she’s against killing and won’t do it. 

i want to see her insult lazily insult everyone else there bc she just cannot give a shit. regular himiko is depressed but in denial. pg himiko is depressed and leans way too far into that apathy. 

would bully the dr kinnies bc htat’s what pg characters are aksdlfjdal

i could see her getting some threats about her going first and how ppl cant wait to kill her and she’s like good! yes! please, thank you so much. 

kaito: cant wait to make you the first victim himiko: yea well cant wait to see you choke on your own blood space cowboy

on a side note, bc she’s surrounded by a bunch of people who literally cannot wait to have the chance to murder, she starts carrying one of those long tasers, covers it with floam and glitter, and carries it in a wand holster. ppl try to threaten her till shes like baap baap you had somethin to say? 

while she has slight of hand and some basic witchcraft down she’d prob really enjoy learning magic. tricks are fun. soemtimes she’ll do some to entertain people, but is really facetious when she says its magic. dr is literally a joke to her she is taking NONE of this seriously

ok but like bc i like to make myself suffer - i think she would’ve been friends with rantaro’s sister in school and like, comforted her during all of 52. himiko auditioned for 53 as like a joke but when she got in their friendship ended bc it felt like a betrayal to amami’s sister. angery.

she also has a weird relationship with amami bc she knew him from before, but pre 52 is not the same as post 52. she’s also like, one of the few people to treat rantaro as a normal person, so he appreciates that. he might ask questions about how his sister was going and himiko would be honest that it really fucked her up, but now, two people she loved are going on the show. so that’ll be worse.

when they’re both out of the game afterwards they spend a lot of time with rantaro’s sister, just making sure she’s ok. they both really goofed it up. but they gotta try to recover.

also bc i like to make myself suffer - p much her only friend in the pg like, photoshoots and prep time (prob a month) was korekiyo bc they were the two seminormal people who didn’t wat to be there. she was there bc she lacked all meaning, and kork was there to run away from home. i could see kork legitimately being interested in what himiko is learning and she could give them like, tarot readings or stuff. they made promises about how they’d stay friends and work together to make it out and teach people that you don’t have to be violent to win. 

when she gets out she remembers all these memories of their time together and the promises they made. maybe evne finds some photos or videos of the two of them together on her phone. she cries a lot for lost friendship/time

i do think their friendship would recover with a lot of therapy and time. but i’m talking a LOT of therapy and time.

related, i don’t think himiko can be friends with angie after the betrayals in dr, she’d stay friends with tenko, but have to set hard boundaries. i honestly realy hate tenko and himiko as a couple for the same reason i hate souda and sonia as a couple. 

uhhhhh she hates kaito’s guts

kaito hates hers

he LITERALLY is so excited to kill her like seeing her makes him see red

OK HARD SHIFT OVER TO RANTARO: rantaro’s whole schtick in 52 was a cowboy adventurer motif complete with the hat and a corduroy jacket. he keeps the jacket but not the hat, at least in training. it takes a while for his voice to adjust back to normal

rantaro was only chosen as a sacrifice for 53 bc he was either the mastermind or one of the final blackened, so his co ppl decided it as a punishment. you thought playing villain would win huh? fuk u. 2nd game amami

his hair was NOT green in 52 i could see him hving another pastel color like purple or silver tho

KORK: kork was running away from home and is super timid/quiet. really keeps to themselves. keeps the facemask ON as a protective measure might get misgendered a few times by kaito bc pg kaito is a dick but himiko would bite his head off for that. 

is super uncomfortable with their whole motif/outfit and is constantly worried its foreshadowing they’re gonna be a villain. himiko tries to console them and be like lol no that’d be way too obvious like evne if you do kinda look like a nazi on the dl they wouldn’t make it THAT obvious would they

they rlly would

everyone gets makeovers during the pg to fit their characters and they watned to cut kork’s hair and its literlaly the first time anyone saw them display any aggression pg. so instead they just let it be.

also pg wears it in a bun at the base of their neck insead of down bc its more convenient

kaito memeota: pg kaito is a piece of shit but we know that. but also i cant decide if he’s like, a piece of shit only in intervies and super full of himself but not as bad as he seems. or if he’s actually the type to kill a bird with his hands for a sick rush. 

the type to beat his wife. 

i love game kaito but the idea of pg kaito being the biggest piece of shit mother fucker is so interesting

doesn’t know jackshit about space and has to work damn HARD for that ultimate

idk would prob say the n word or something when he’s singing along to rap music. or maybe just period i could say pg kaito beig the worst

ryoma im telling u i do not think they changed a thing from his backstory and just erased the memories of him auditioning/training. i think that’s literally just him.

this guy has a box mod

kirumi worked in a hot topic/starbucks and that’s why she’s organized

actually really hates spiders and her motif freaks her out

chain smokes

actually really hates politics and is very prolific with her antifascist/activist beliefs and is PISSEd when she’s presented her backstory

would give people stick and pokes in the bathroom

owns a nightmare before christmas hoodie she wears to sleep and is mortified when someone finds it in the wash

ANGIE is a conspiracy theorist and flat earther and like. an amazing athiest type

literally the worst but so charismatic about it

prob runs a successful conspiracy podcast

facts and logic

pissed she didn’t get supreme leader

[lovelyparkers]

my bday special random head canons with peter!

hi it's my birthday!!! as promised i'm writing a bunch of headcanon requests and they will all be here in this chapter MWAH <3 yuh let's get into it

-so first off my fave request

-so ur an avenger on a mission in the snowy mountains

-you and peter are teamed up ofc

-being you, you decide to get way too into the battle and not care about your own well-being

-peters yelling at you like

-"YOU BETTER NOT GET HURT"

-and

-"IF U DIE I WILL KILL YOU"

-but he really does care about u and he's scared asf

-anyways so

-you get hurt

-basically some creature

-who the fuck knows

-launched you in the air and into the freezing snow and knocked you out

-peter couldn't find you and immediately got nervous

-he was able to track you down with stark's tech and dig you out of the snow where you were lowkey freezing to death ok

-he pulls you up into his arms and holds you tight and starts crying because he doesn't know if you'll make it

-he swings over to the cabin tony bought just for the mission

-because we all know tony is extra asf

-bruce checks you up to see if anything's broken

-it's not

-you most likely just have a concussion and knocked out for awhile

-peter carries you bridal style to the living room where the fire is blazing

-he sits on the couch with you in his lap

-you have layers of warm clothes on

-he strokes your hair and makes sure your head stays up comfortably

-he wanted to be there when you woke up duh

-and when you do wake up your really confused and have a headache

-but when you recognize peter you automatically feel safe :)

-and he's like crying again bc he's so glad you woke up but also mad at you for going crazy

-he'll squeeze your hand a lot and cup your cheek to make sure you're actually there

-and he'll say "you scared the crap out of me y/n. don't do that ever again. promise me?"

-you promise and just cuddle into his side

-he presses several kisses to your head

-and you him in response

-u two just hold each other so close

-babies!

-okay next one!!

-SECRET DATING AS AVENGERS

-i LOVE this

-AIGHT

-after meeting peter you ask HIM out and ofc he says yes

-you guys totally hit it off ok

-like theirs just natural chemistry between you guys

-there's so much flirting and you get to know each other while having a picnic on the rooftop garden

-MWAH LOVE

-he kisses you on the second date and you m e l t

-and gosh he's so pretty like hot damn

-from then on you guys become a couple

-secretly

-because we ALL know the avengers love to tease

-especially sam, bucky, and tony

-nat would be here for it tho let's be honest

-you go to her for boy advice and she's so chill and begs you to tell her who u like

-she probably knows it's peter tho bc she's smart

-ANYWAYS

-you have to try really hard to keep it a secret

-and that's not easy living with the avengers

-you find yourself holding hands and then tony will walk in whatever room to get you guys for a mission and you pull apart real quick

-another time you and peter were in the movie room

-CUDDLING

-like awe

-you were cuddling duh and just holding each other

-sharing kisses every now and then

-your head was on his shoulder and his arm was around you

-then bucky and sam walked in

-with popcorn tho

-and you and peter scooted away from each other real quick when he heard the door open

-sam would tease u guys anyway

-"what's up guys? confess your love yet?"

-and bucky would be like

-"pretty sure we heard you guys making out a second ago"

-they obviously didn't hear or see anything but like to tease the only teenagers who always flirted

-but OH GOSH

-ONE TIME

-it was late at night

-like LATE late

-peter snuck into ur room ofc

-and you guys were just sitting on your bed making out right

-hands in each other's hair

-lip biting

-all that good stuff

-and nat just barges on because she knows u never sleep and likes to just talk with you or play a game or watch a movie

-this time u forgot to lock the door

-and she screams

-you jump up off peters lap and shut the door after pulling her in

-"i knew it i knew it!"

-she's smiling though and laughing

-shes genuinely happy u two are together

-but peters all blushing

-and shy

-because you guys just got caught making out by an adult

-she'll ask you a bunch of questions too

-and ur like "nAt u cant tell aNyBoDy pLEaSe"

-she promises bc she knows it's not her place

-shes great at keeping secrets bc she's an ex assassin

-but she's very happy for u guys and tells u to always be safe and all

-then you and peter go back to making out hehe

-ok my fave requested this next one hi ily

-ALL NIGHTERS W PETER WOULD BE THE BEST

-LIKE LITERALLY

-also this is best friend peter who has feeling for you but doesn't want to admit it so ur just friends but he loves u and u secretly love him

-so this is still avenger!reader bc u guys know i'm a hoe for this shit

-"i mean i'm not a slut but who knows"

-so u guys have a lot of energy one day bc u got a day off from training since tony and steve were out all day

-u slept in that day and could NOT fall asleep the next night

-u and peter had been texting late at night

-it's like midnight i'll say

-and u tell him to meet you in the grand kitchen

-so u bring urself and a blanket and run down to the kitchen in your pyjamas

-shorts and one of peters tee shirts hehe it's summer and it's hot!

-peter walks in with a big smile on his face and just wearing some shorts

-that is all

-yes

-ok so you dig into the freezer and get ice cream out for u guys

-i cant have dairy ahahha rip

-off track but let's go

-peter gets the spoons and you don't even say a word bc this is just how it always goes

-you migrate toward the living room and flip down on the couch side by side

-he is very close to you

-bare arms touching

-PREMARITAL ARM TOUCHING???????

-sorry

-he just groans bc he's bored as he hands you a spoon

-u guys always talk and eat ice cream

-passing the tub around

-peter eventually says something dumb

-like u know when u pull all nighters w ur friends and it gets to that point of the night when someone says something really dumb or weird and everyone just loses it?

-this ALWAYS happens with you two

-he deadass says something like

-"i think we have the same size feet"

-and you start cackling bc what the fuck

-"y/n no hold up ur foot to mine"

-so u do bc why not

-u do not have the same size feet ❤️

-but wow how intimate

-jk

-but you honestly CANNOT with this boy

-so you flick a blob of ice cream at his nose

-and it just immediately drips down onto his chest bc he tries to look down at his nose

-so now there's ice cream on his bArE cHEsT

-like that's hot

-jk idk u decide

-and he is literally whining

-"y/nnnnnnn what the hell?"

-ur just laughing softly but admiring his toned abs and chest

-"want me to lick it off for you?"

-peter just freezes not believing the words that just came out of your mouth

-"uhhhhh"

-he's stuttering and mumbling and BLUSHING SO MUCH

-he don't know what to do

-you laugh and say "KIDDING"

-bc again u say weird shit in the middle of the night

-u get up and get a paper towel tho

-peter is still very flustered

-kinda wishing u did

-but you come back and lean a hand on his shoulder and start cleaning the ice cream off his chest for him

-and he's just looking up at you bc

-god ur so pretty and ur practically on top of him rn

-peter probably gets horny i'm the middle of the night too let's be honest here

-but after that moment where peter felt like he was the main character

-everything is fine now and you continue talking

-eventually u turn on a movie and lay your head in peters lap

-much to his surpRisE

-and just watch the movie together

-he like doesn't know where to put his hands

-so he just lays on over ur waist

-he cant stop staring at u bc omg ur laying on his lap and omg ur so pretty and ahhhh

-when u laugh it makes him tremble

-and when the sun starts coming up u guys make pancakes and like

-y'all still aren't tired

-and ofc u spend the day together then eventually crash on the couch on top of each other

-it's very cute and tony takes pictures

-okay now for my own lil idea

-PETER WOULD BE THE BEST PERSON ON UR BIRTHDAY

-like the amount of love he would show u

-immaculate

-so ofc he would sleep over the night before bc he's in love ok

-u guys watch movies and cuddle and kiss

-at midnight he throws confetti on you and blows a horn

-he says hbd like a million times

-and he gives you a long passionate kiss mwah

-cuddles cuddles cuddles

-u sleep in each other's arms

-peter wakes up early before you to make ur fave breakfast

-he's practiced cooking so it's perfect for ur special day

-he presents it all pretty too

-then he goes to wake you up

-because you always told him to wake you up when he gets up so you can spend time together

-ur like that

-and he loves it

-he wakes you up by pressing kisses all over your face

-and rubbing your arm and fixing your hair

-you wake up with a sleepy smile and he just melts he's in love

-you give him a big hug and kiss his cheek

-then he tells you about breakfast

-he helps you walk to the table while covering ur eyes bc SURPRISE

-peter's presentation is very much adequate

-he has little gift bags lined up for you

-and balloons

-and streamers

-he just wants to make you feel so special :,)

-ur so grateful for him

-you give him big hug and kiss again bc UR IN LOVE TOO

-you sit together and eat and peter makes you open his gifts

-he made some homemade gifts too because how heartfelt it that

-he gets you one really nice present

-and a bunch of little ones like snacks

-maybe an inside joke gift

-AND PROBABLY SPIDER-MAN UNDERWEAR AS A JOKE

-you guys just burst out laughing when you open it and it's so cute

-he's just admiring you

-you spend the day either going on walks

-having a nice date

-or just staying in together

-lots of cuddles again of course

-peter parker is a cuddler

-ALSO

-MAKING OUT

-a must

-like ugh i yearn for bday makeouts

-he takes care of u so well phew

-it's very intimate and hot and passionate let's be honest

-MJ AND NED BUST IN YOUR APARTMENT WHILE UR MAKING OUT ON THE COUCH

-ned just screams

-mj was like "really? y'all knew we were coming over"

-but she's soft for u

-gives u the best hug and tells u hbd

-you guys have a mario kart tournament bc that's really fun

-snack snacks snacks

-the four of you have cake and they make u so happy

-after ned and mj leave it's more peter time

-yum

-more making out

-maybe sumn else😳

-he treats u very good to say the least

-overall it's a lovely birthday and peter is the best ok

thank u guys so much for the birthday wishes <3 i seriously don't deserve you guys ur all so sweet!!! hope u enjoyed this lil hc special mwah!

[heroin-antiheroine]

i’m considering jumping off soon (as i’m sitting here aachhhing oww). the 1st time i ever went through full withdrawal was in october 2017 & i was still snorting, but i assume it was around a bag a day (100mg), but adjusted for bioavailability i’d say that’s around 50-something. it was achey as fuck, but could’ve been bc i was on a bloody hiking holiday with my parents & walking fuckin miles everyday while dying inside. but overall not the worst & i managed to get back to sleeping 4 hours a night by the last night (which is a fuckin godsend when ur a recovering heroin addict). the 2nd time was in april 2018, jumping off over 200mg IV-ed a day, which was god awful & i’d never want to repeat that. ughhhh muscle spasm hell & i lost so much weight bc i couldnt keep down anything but fuckin ginger tea & chicken stock. but the restless legs did go away after the 1st day & i think it’s bc i was laying down & not fuckin hiking!! but this time i’m only on ~45mg a day (bc of smoking today i actually don’t know....bc idk how much ur body actually absorbs from smoking or whether i’m getting all of it or who knows). it would be not as bad as the 1st time!! the thing is.....i was gonna do a full taper. the other thing is....my veins are so shitty. & then on top of that, my lungs are a pile of crap also. i know the drug service ppl will say to go on subs, or go back to snorting (yea cos i looooveeee losing half my drugs in my nose.....number 3 is not supposed to be snorted rly. i mean it’s possible & it does work but also.....it’s rly gross. it’s not like coke or k or number 4). 

i just wanna be fuckin normal!!!! i don’t wanna spend an hour poking holes in myself & end up covered in my own blood twice/three times a fuckin day!!! i wanna go to my favourite festival with all my friends this weekend which obv i can’t do. & i did it last year, while slamming h (& god back then it was so much easier to get a hit.....im nostalgic for it lmao) but it just wasn’t as fun!! i slept better than i ever have at a festival, but i was super envious of my friends who were getting wrecked (somehow i did manage to stay up later than most of them tho hahahah). it’s no surprise that i spent most of the festival with another junkie. all i think about is being clean nowadays....and like....a real clean person, a normie, someone who has never been addicted to h (or anything else). someone who can sleep well & has passions. i know the first month or two is gonna be hard, but this is hard!!!! this is worse, i’d say. i wanna see what the drugs services ppl say. i would ideally love to go down to 30mg before jumping but idk. my veins have been alright for a whole month so hopefully this is a temporary thing cos i wanna continue with the taper, i obv wanted no wds, not even the mild ones....cos even the mild ones are kinda shitty. 

i didn’t mean this to turn into a long vent post or whatever. i feel like i can only talk about this shit on here. i mean maybe one of u will understand. i keep going on about it bc it’s on my mind a lot, & it has been for 2 years god. i wish i’d never started, but so does everyone. at least i have uhhhhh life experience from it or something (that’s disregarding all the life experiences it made me miss out on). when i do decide to jump i’ll stock up on loads of helpful shit for it & i also saved watching the new season of a series of unfortunate events to watch specifically in withdrawal bc that’s what i did last year, bc that show is great but also rlyyyy long. altho i feel like all the terrifying shit in it was greatly magnified with my magnified emotions (i was like....i can’t believe i read these books as a kid.....wtf???). damn i wanna be normal. i wanna go visit my aging grandparents who i haven’t visited in...over a year bc of my fuckin addiction. i wanna travel!!! ugh bro ok now this is a whole thing.

[artificialqueens]

Planes, Trains, and Tour Buses Chapter 4 (Vatya) - Honey

Violet and Katya have to have a “talk” with Trixie about their relationship.

A/N: Is anyone actually reading this? I have no idea. I’m probably still going to write it though because it makes me happy but idk, let me know if you like this. I’m also probably going to start writing a roller derby AU very soon!

Trixie sunk down into his mattress with a thud. He thought he might as well catch up on his rest while he was waiting for Katya to come talk to him. It didn’t take long before he was sound asleep, snoring quietly.

“Should we wake him up?”

“Shhhh… I don’t know. Maybe we should just leave.”

Trixie was roused from his nap by the sound of whispering in his room. He took a deep breath and then sat up in bed suddenly, startling Katya and Violet, who were, for some reason, standing near his bed. Both of them flinched at his sudden movement.

“Uhhhhh… What are you doing here? And how the fuck did you even get in?” Trixie asked, more confused than anything. Violet ignored the questions and walked over to the chair in the corner of the room, pulling out her phone and sitting down. Katya knew she was cranky because she wanted to take a nap, but he had told her to come talk to Trixie with him instead.

“Why do I have to come? I just wanted to nap… you can’t talk to Tracey alone?” Violet whined. Katya rolled his eyes and grabbed her face.

“Violet, stop being a brat. I just want us all to be on the same page here. I think it will just make everything less awkward if you’re there. We aren’t ready to tell everyone about us yet, so I think it’s a good idea for all three of us to talk and get our story straight. Okay?”

“Fine,” she muttered, and Katya leaned in and pecked her on the lips.

Deciding to ignore Violet, Katya turned his attention back to Trixie.

“Sorry Trix. We knocked but you didn’t answer, and then the maid came by and… we kinda told her that this was our room and we were locked out, so she just let us in. Which is pretty unsafe, if you ask me. They should really check before letting random people into random rooms,” Katya rambled. Trixie just stared at him for a few seconds, and then broke out into a laugh.

“Okay…” He didn’t have much more to say than that.

“Sorry if this is super weird Trix.” Katya sat down on the bed next to him. “I know I usually tell you everything, maybe too much sometimes, but… I don’t know, we just agreed to keep this a secret for a little bit while we figure out what we are. It’s kinda nice to not have people judging us or assuming anything, ya know? …Not that I ever thought you would judge us! I just… I don’t know. I… don’t know. I don’t know.” Trixie glanced over to the corner of the room at Violet. She was pretending to look at her phone, but he knew that she was listening.

“Katya, it’s fine. Really. I’m not mad at you. You’re allowed to have your privacy.” Trixie could see Katya visibly relax. “Stop stressing, bitch!” Katya smiled, and then began to wiggle her way under the covers to join him, since Trixie had never actually gotten out of bed.

“Let’s watch a show together, Trix! What’s on?”

“Hmmm…” Trixie pondered, turning on the tv and flipping through the guide. “Oh! Catfish!” He quickly switched the channel to his favorite show.

“Vi!” Katya called, getting her attention from the corner of the room. He patted the bed next to him. “Come join us!” Violet looked up from her phone at him. From the look on her face, she did not seem interested in joining them on the bed, Trixie observed. Violet and Katya stared each other down, seeming to have a silent, serious conversation with their eyes. Trixie was actually pretty glad he couldn’t hear what they seemed to be saying. “Viii,” Katya called again. Violet gave her signature eye roll, but she also stood up and made her way over to Katya’s side of the bed. Trixie shifted over to give her room to get in. Crawling under the covers, she wiggled up close to Katya and curled around him, her head resting mere inches away from his.

“Gosh, get a room you two,” Trixie joked playfully.

“We do have a room, which you made us leave to come here, remember?” Violet snarked.

“Uhhh, I told Katya to meet me, I never said you had to come!” Trixie glanced over at Violet. She didn’t look angry, which was good, because he was totally kidding.

“Hey, stop fighting, you two!” Katya chimed in. He could tell that the banter was playful, but he wanted to put an end to it before it inevitably turned into a catfight. He had experienced way too many of Violet and Trixie’s mini-fights. The two truly did have love for each other, but it seemed to be a sibling-like love, where they were extremely prone to bickering over anything and everything.

Violet just sighed and squirmed even closer to Katya, while he absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair. All three of them turned their attention to the tv. Throughout the episode, Trixie and Katya made countless comments and jokes, saying pretty much whatever popped into their heads. Violet observed them quietly. She really admired their friendship, and the way they were able to effortlessly bounce jokes off one another. She was content to just lay there, listening and laughing. In fact, she was so comfortable that it wasn’t long before she fell asleep in Katya’s arms. Trixie was the first to notice.

“Well, it looks like we’ve lost Violet,” he commented. Katya looked down at Violet, who was gently drooling on his shirt.

“Fuck,” Katya muttered under his breath, then, softly to Trixie, “This bitch always does this to me. Falls asleep on me, so I’m stuck until she wakes up.” Trixie snickered.

“You know, you could always just push her off…”

“Are you kidding? Hell no. Then she’d be pissed off and cranky. Besides-” he paused and looked down at Violet as she started to shift. As soon as he was sure she was still asleep, he continued. “She always has trouble sleeping on the tour bus, so she’s dead tired right now. It would be cruel to wake her.” Trixie just stared at his best friend for a moment. Katya noticed Trixie’s lack of response, and cocked his head from his reclined position. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Trixie thought for a moment, letting a hint of a smile tease the corners of his mouth. “You’ve gone soft,” he remarked.

“Me? Gone soft?” Katya answered, feigning offence. “Never! Mawma, I’ll have you know, I’ve always been soft. So why don’t you go ahead and jot that down?” The pair laughed, quietly so Violet would not be disturbed. “Well, since I’m stuck here, I guess I’ll just have a nap, too” Katya sighed, closing his eyes.

“Great,” Trixie said sarcastically. “Everyone should just sleep in my bed. In fact, lemme call every other person on this fucking tour and see if they want to sleep in here too.”

“As long as it doesn’t wake up Violet, you can do that,” Katya replied, without opening his eyes. Trixie snorted.

“You’re so whipped.”

“You seem cranky, Tracy. Why don’t you take a nap too?” Katya said, this time sounding like he was seconds from falling asleep.

“Ugh,” Trixie sighed. Because his earlier one had been interrupted, a nap did sound good at that moment, even if he had to do it next to Katya and Violet cuddling. Without another word, he rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the covers up to his ears.

“Sweet dreams, Barbie,” Katya mumbled, and Trixie wondered how he ever got himself into such a weird situation.

[bob-sheldon]

Stevepop: “You’re overreacting. It doesn’t look that bad.” Either Steve has a paper cut and is being a melodramatic bitch, or he got stabbed in the side like Rusty-James and he's trying to convince Soda to stop freaking out about it.

Plot: Somewhat low pain-tolerances and Betadine do not mix well. OR, Steve is cut very badly and Soda and Dally are slightly at odds. 

Content warnings: Holy shit uhhhhh, lots of blood, lots of pain, some gore, hella child abuse. Proceed with caution.

A/N: This isn’t my BEST writing but this has been sitting in my ask box for a while and I was in the mood to write some whump. Apologies for any spelling errors and/or choppy writing. I wrote this all in two hours and I’m afraid I’ll be too embarrassed to post it if I read over it again lmFAO. Also it ties in with my other oneshot slightly. Idk? 

“I think we should take him to the hospital. That could go septic.” Ponyboy said uselessly, lurking in the doorway. For once my own brother was bugging me.

“You’re overreacting, it doesn’t look that bad.” Steve mumbled, barely able to keep his head up. Dally had his right side and Darry had his left and they were both struggling to ease him down on the bed. Steve isn’t real lithe or anything. He’s kinda a big guy, a little bigger than Darry and only a little skinnier than Two-Bit.

Dal dropped him and he hit the mattress with a dull thud and a heartbreaking gasp.

“Y'know-” Pony started.

“Please. Go play in traffic.” Steve growled lowly, proving he was still very awake and mean as ever. I didn’t bother to tell him to play nice this time. I figured he could get away with saying that just this once.

Ponyboy seemed to finally get the message, turning and walking back down the halls where Johnny was already trying to wipe blood off the door.

I crawled onto the bed and held Steve’s head in my lap, running my fingers through his hair like he liked. He was shaking, probably from the pain.

We’d all come home from dinner and found him on the porch, drenched in blood and clutching his side, disgusting red smears covering the old couch we had out there. Somebody had sliced him to ribbons.

“Was it your dad?” Darry said in his authoritative serious tone, breaking the silence and voicing the thing we were all dying to ask.

“Nuh,” Steve’s dad was an ass but I doubted he’d take a knife to his own son. “it’s my own damn fault.”

“You sliced yourself up?” Dally’s thick brows furrowed.

“Tried to jack a car but the guy who was driving it sliced me.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to admit it. There was nothing heroic or sympathy-inducing about a car jacking gone wrong. Then again, what car was worth damn near killing a kid for?

Darry gently pulled up his shirt to inspect the damage. A cut down almost the entirety of his side. It didn’t look too deep but it was long and it had bleed a lot. Now it was just dripping a little.

He left the room and I could hear him rummage around in the bathroom next door.

“You had me scared half to death.” I said softly, running my thumb over his temple. He shut his eyes and leaned into it, looking as tired and pale as I’d ever seen him. “Thought you’d been shot or somethin’.”

Darry came back holding an economy sized bottle of Betadine and a package of bandages. Dally leaned in slightly, morbidly curious about what was to happen next, as he was about all things.

“Y'all are probably going to have to hold him down.” Darry mumbled, already uncapping the Betadine.

I grabbed Steve’s hands, holding them tightly and staring in his eyes to try to distract him from what was about to experience.

He screamed when he disinfectant hit his cut, Darry was trying to work fast but I could see he was disgusted. Even Dally cringed in sympathy.

“Oh, I’m gonna be sick.” Steve moaned, lifting his head off the bed weakly. Darry paused and I scrambled for the waste basket, offering it to him.

He wasn’t actually sick, he simply flopped back down on the bed in a dead faint.

“Oh no.” I whispered.

“Fuck, is he dead?” Dally backed away, genuinely looking horrified.

I leaned in close to his face. He was breathing evenly and soundly. He’d fainted before when he got half a car dropped on him.

“He’s okay.”

Darry went right back to scrubbing, I figured he hoped he could finish it before Steve woke up.

His eyes fluttered open after less than a minute.

“You passed out,” I murmured, stroking his hair again. “I think you should go to the hospital.”

“No, ’m fine now.”

Darry was putting the dressing on and Dally had mysteriously disappeared in the couple seconds I looked away from him. I knew things could get too much for him. Johnny had been too much. He was tuff but he wasn’t inhuman.

I chewed my lip nervously. Steve is the kind of person who only listens when he wants to and I knew he despised hospitals.

“If it hasn’t stopped oozing by tomorrow morning, we’re going straight to the emergency room.”

Darry picked up the used cotton balls and bandage wrappers in silence. I wondered what he was thinking, if it was worrying about Steve or how stained the mattress was going to be. We had enough foresight to bring him to the guest bedroom but Betadine was impossible to get out of cotton.

After Darry left I helped Steve get his shirt off and situated him under the covers. He was tired and he was hurting real bad. I could tell. I turned off the light and crawled in against his uninjured side and settled next to him, still slightly in shock. He kissed my cheek apologetically.

“Steve,” His pomade and cheap cologne ether drifted over me. He always smelled nice. Even when he was bloody or sweaty. Somehow, he managed it. “you really scared me.”

I felt myself tear up. I was as glad as could be that the lights weren’t on.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” I felt him kiss my cheek again and I held back tears with all my might. I didn’t like to get emotional during stuff like this, Steve should be the one crying, not me. I couldn’t break down. It wasn’t my time.

“’M gonna act like I got some sense from now on.” He’d said that before.

I shut my eyes, willing to believe it. I was tired and I knew he was too.

“But not too much sense, then we wouldn’t be compatible.” I joked, feeling him wrap an arm around me. It was a little bit easier to not cry now.

I heard him let out a little snort-laugh and after a few more minutes we were both asleep.

What I could only assume was a couple hours later the door cracked open. I squinted in the harsh light from the hall. It had to be 10 or 11.

“You gonna sleep here tonight?” It was Dally. He was probably going to volunteer to sleep next to Steve. They were close after all.

“Yeah, just in case he needs me.” I felt Steve stir against me and I could see some color had returned to his cheeks. Dally nodded and shut the door. I could hear Ponyboy talking in a low voice in our room. Probably to Johnny. He could be on nightmare duty for today.

“Isshe gone?” Steve slurred.

“Yeah.”

“Thought he was my dad come to finish me off.”

I jolted up, unsure if I had heard him correctly.

“Your dad did this?”

But he didn’t respond, simply pretended to fall back to sleep, leaving me alone in the dark with my thoughts.

[unessesarysecretdiary-blog]

time to start a new beginning....

Thoughts: April 16, 2016 My inner Gypsy. - I kind of want to take a semester off of school and just do youtube for a while. I think that its not a waste of time. its actually gonna benefit my career. I hope my career goes the way i want it to. Yes, i do want to be famous, but for entertainment. I like to see people laugh and i want that to by my job. I want to travel the world and help people. I want to not focus on stressful school, im not good at it. even if i try. I was never good at school. I guess God want me to go a different rout. I dont want to be  stuck at hime. I want to just work and travel the world while Im still young. If you think about it, I dont really have to go to school in order to become an actress. This year, im gonna audition to a lot of tv shows. I want to do more youtube, i want to travel with my friends. I dont want to go to school anymore. Its a waste of time. I want to start producing and acting. Im tired of waiting, i know im still young. But im only gonna live this life once, I could die at any time. I would rather experience the best while i can and worry about nothing. My inner gypsy wants to come out. A lot of celebrities didn’t go to school, or they dropped out. why can’t i ? They were normal people that just wanted their dreams come true.

Thoughts: april 17,2016 Men over Boys - Well, today I’ve decided that Im not gonna let a guy control me. By control meaning putting them first over anyone. Ive decided that my friends will always be there no matter what. They would be with me through thick and thin. I want my friends to be the first to see if the guy  i introduce them to is okay for my family to meet. I want that man that always is going to be happy to talk to me. I want that man that won’t get mad if I hang out with my friends. I want that man that doesn’t care if I make stupid videos on the internet. I want a man that can laugh at my jokes. At my stupid comments and I want him to make me feel comfortable doing these videos. That doesn’t take fun of me for making them. I want him to be my number one fan ! I want a man that cares for me. That doesn’t make me feel confused. I dont want to wonder if he’s with another girl, if he’s talking to another girl. I dont want him to make me feel special. I dont want a Brandon aka a boy.

Thoughts: May 19,2016 New Life Style - Well, I’ve decided that i want a new life style. Starting next month June 2016  I will become vegan. I will be working out everyday. I will make my happiness be first. I will be uploading videos every Sunday. I will save money. I will make sure that I’m more positive with myself. I will make sure that my future is bright. I will make whoever is around me happy and make them laugh. I will help others with problems. I won’t let anyone get in my way! I will follow my dreams and I will pursuit them! I will let my viewers know what is going on in my life. I will NOT let boys get through my head. I will keep my head high and make the guys fall for me, but I wont fall for them. I will make sure that I have fun with my young life. I will be CONFIDENT ! POSITIVE ! and be FREE ! Believe in yourself !

Thoughts: May 27,2016 What My Summer To Be Like 1. Work out everyday 2. Eat healthy 3. Drink nothing but tea or water 4. Go on adventures/ Explore all of San Diego 5. Make youtube videos 6. Make MONEY !

Thoughts: May 29, 2016 9:45pm keep it to yourself - If you don’t have anything nice to say… shut up. no one asked for your fucking opinion. No one cares if you think something thats dark and scary isn’t your thing. Its my thing. Like shut up dude. Everyone has their own creativity and older people tend to judge more than people that are my age. So what if i have colored hair, tattoos, and piercings. So what if i want to cover my body with tattoos. So what if i want to color my hair different colors? Whats it to you ? Its my body, its my hair I can do whatever I want to it. If you want to do something… just do it. Don’t let others tell you that you look dumb or ugly because you are beautiful. NO MATTER WHAT ! be yourself, Be who you want to be ! Have fun and do whatever you want ! Thoughts: June 7, 2016 I guess?????? - I guess that I still like him. I guess that I’m not over him as I thought I was. I always think of him. I always want to know what he’s doing. I always want to know where he’s at. I always want to know if he’s thinking of me. I want to move on, but I can’t? Idk I wish I would just not think of him. I wish that when I saw him my heart wouldn’t drop to my stomach and I start shaking. I wish I never got nervous around him. I wish I didn’t care, but I do. I love him? I think? I don’t know how you feel that. I guess I’m slowly killing myself without actually doing it. I love someone that doesn’t love me back and it hurts. My heart is broken and I’m a broken soul. I wish I didn’t meet him, but I don’t regret anything I didi with him. All the memories we had… I keep replaying them in my head over and over. I hate myself for it because I can’t stop comparing everyone I meet to you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I have you, I love you. I want you, but I will never go down that path. You broke my heart and Its killing me. I want to know how you feel, what you are thinking and what you want. I wish I knew you were going to be the one who broke me. I never cried over anyone, until you walked my path and tripped me. You made me fall and I didn’t want to. I tried to catch myself and knowing that you were bad for me, Yet, I still let you play with me physically and mentally. I was happy with you, but were you happy with me? What made you think that I wasn’t worth your time. You wanted to be friends, yet you would kiss me? What kind of friendship is that? I guess you were a mistake, a lesson, a fuck boy…my first love. I got too attached and I guess you didn’t feel that way, but its okay because someone will feel the same with me. Someone will be worth my time and my love. You didn’t deserve it. You just destroyed it and I’m stupid for letting you. Knowing that you just wanted to be “friends”. You confused me, you were something else. Like I said… you’re just a boy, not a man.

Thoughts : June 9, 2016 What Does This Mean ? - So, last night I had a weird dream with brandon in it. We hung out and you know we were laughing as usual. I was outside with him and then I saw alejandro come over with his dog toby. I was like omg my baby is here and brandon got jealous and said you have boyfriend now? I was like yeah, i do. he’s great and he treats me like a princess. Brandon was like oh. well i guess i should leave ? i was like thanks for the brownie ill talk to you later yeah ? he was like sure. Then i guess idk how this happened, but i ended up being in brandon car high and we started making out and then you know what happens after every kiss. I don’t know what this means ? Was it just a memory that i had with him and me wanting to move on ? Cause I do, but idk if I can feel this way about anyone like I did with him? THIS IS DIFFICULT ! Like I see potential in Alejandro and he’s nice and whatever, but idk if I’m ready for anything rn. or maybe i just want dick. probably both. I would date alejandro, but uhhhhh idk… I also remember hugging him. It was a hug that we knew it was the end and we both cried.

thoughts: June 17, 2016 Life… - So many deaths happened this past week. I literally have no words. I don’t know what to think, Im so shocked about what this world has come to. I think that I like girls too. Ive always felt like this,but I don’t think I will ever be with a girl. Or who knows. Maybe in the future. Life goes throughout many rollercoasters and we don’t know when it will go down. Or when it will go up. I just want this world to be equal and everyone loves each other no matter what. Some people need love and some people need to feel like someone is there for them too, but they don’t get that. EVERYONE IS THE SAME !  no matter what. though thick and thin, people need to come together as ONE. Life is worth living and who cares if someone is judging you. They’re just scared to come out to the world. Some people need to stop and think whats more important my happiness or someone else happiness? it should always be your happiness over anyone else. BE SELFISH. BE STRONG. BE YOU.

Confession : August 15, 2016 Brandon? It’s currently 1:08AM. I can’t stop thinking of Brandon. I just hung out with him last night… we went to watch suicide squad. We just cuddled and honestly, Im in love with this kid. I hate that I love him so much. I just can’t resist myself when I’m with him. He makes me happy and I’ve never felt like this over someone. I just don’t think we’er right for each other. He’s moving to point Loma and that’s kinda far. When he told me I kinda wanted to cry cause I could just picture him with different girls and it broke my heart. I just don’t want to let him go. I love him too much to let him go. I can’t help that I’m in love with this boy. I love his sent, I love the way he laughs, I love the way he smiles, the way he looks at me, the way that he tries to be cute with me, the way he lays his head on me when he’s tired, the way that he’s not afraid to be himself around me, I love how he can talk to me about anything, the way that he plays music, how open he is with me, his sense of humor, the way his heart beats faster when i lay on him, I  just love him. I know that we will be life long friends and we will always have that connection somehow. I want to be with him. I think that he feels the same way, but won’t admit to it or I could be wrong.  I just want to be with him 24/7. I want to laugh with him. I want him to hold my hand. I want him to hold me. I want to feel his kisses. I want to feel everything that we had when we would go out. I want to go to family parties with him. I want him to be involved in my life and I want to be involved in his too. I want to have something that would last forever with brandon. I love him and I don’t care what others think of him. I will always love him and he will always have a special place in my heart no matter how much I say that I hate him. I love you brandon and I can’t help myself for falling in your trap over and over again. You’ll never read this, but someone had to know. I just want us to have happy moments and I know that we will always have happy moments together. I just want to remember us laughing at the stupidest things. You laughing at me because I’m stupid. Me laughing at you because you do something weird. I want to look at the stars and you being there next to me, just like we used to. I miss us. I miss people telling us that we look happy because whenever I’m with you I’m happy.You make me happy… When I think of you I cry, knowing that we won’t ever be again. I still get nervous when I see you. When you text me I respond as fast as I can. When you snapchat me it makes my day. Knowing that you called me makes me happy because you’re thinking of me. You basically know everything about me. I know everything about you. You’re my best friend. Theres not a day that I don’t think of you. I just think of the times we would kiss at every traffic light. When you would hold my hand driving. When your eyes sparkle from the moon light. I love you Brandon Thomas Desloover. You will forever be in my heart. I’m just crazy over you. If I could talk about you to anyone I would. I will do anything for him. I’m crazy for him, but I know that he will break my heart. It sucks because I know that he will. I know that I can’t fall into that trap anymore. I know that he’s no good for me. I know that he doesn’t feel the same. I know that he’s my first love and I know he broke it. I can’t help, but cry. I’m a fool and I’m stupid because I fell in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. I hate myself.

Thoughts: August 29,2016 5 years Its been 5 years since my dad passed. I haven’t cried or felt any emotion for it. I know I should cry, but I just can’t. Like how do i feel about this situation? I really don’t know. I feel numb towards it. I look at his picture everyday, but i just smile at him. I miss my dad. I miss his laugh. I miss him… now I’m crying. All my emotions are coming out finally. I know i shouldn’t keep it in, but I don’t want people knowing I’m weak. I love my dad and he knows that I do. I wish he was here, but its okay cause i know he is… just not physically. No one talks about it in my family. Everyone just stays quiet or is in their room. I remember those hard months that i would try to keep it in, but i just couldn’t so i just cried. I had a tough life. I think everyone does, but thats what they call life. I just wish my dad was here. I miss him. I want to hold him again. I miss you dad. I love you. Thank you for all you have done. I appreciate everything you did for us. I know that i didn’t show it at all, but i really did.

Thoughts: August 30, 2016 Him Again It will always be you. No matter what, I will always want to be with you. You will always be in my heart, mind and I don’t mind it. I just want you to know that ill be there for you no matter what. I will always be him. When I get in the car with you. i just think of the memories we have together. The laughs, the arguments when you were confused. The feels are and will always be there, at least it will of me. I just get so happy when i talk to you. My mood goes up and I can’t stop smiling. I just want you to know that i do love you.  I just want to lay next to you. I just want to be with you. I miss you, I want you to see how much you hurt me. You’re no good for me and Im no good for you. We’er no good for each other. We can’t, but we both want to. You make my life so much easier. You make me want to succeed.

Thoughts Sep. 1, 2016 21 reasons 1. I can’t be in a relationship 2. I get bored of the same person fast 3. I can’t be cute 4. I can’t be normal 5. I don’t know how to be in a relationship 6. I don’t think I’m dateable 7. I don’t think I can be with someone for too long 8. If my friendships can’t last, I don’t know if a boyfriend would 9. I want to be in a relationship 10. I always get the wrong boys 11. I get attached too quick 12. I move too fast 13. I want to skip the getting to know each other 14. I want that love movie type of love 15. It only happens in movies 16. No one likes me 17. I don’t think I’m worthy of a relationship 18. I seek love, but don’t know how to get it 19. You’re the only reason, but you don’t want too 20. I love you, but you don’t love me… 21. I’m hurt, but can’t let go.

cont… same day, same time I don’t know if I should tell him. I want to say “ I love you, but you don’t love me and its okay…” Just saying this out loud made me have butterflies and made my heart skip a beat.

Thoughts: September 3, 2016       question mark? Unmmmm the other day I was on the phone with brandon & he was acting weird... No, being a jerk. I didn't appreciate that. I hate him dude. I can't wait until he moves ! I'll be like BYE BITCH! I do love him, but I don't like the way he acts sometimes. He needs to stop with the attitude. He's so annoying. I hate him. I don't want to be with someone like him. I just wish he was different, but I can't change people. Sadly. Guess I really do have to move on. I don't need this in my life and he's too much to even try this thing we have going on. I don't think we're right for eachother. Its okay that you don’t feel the same because I don’t want you to be forced to say it back…. I just love you.

Thoughts: September 5, 2016 Meh. I saw him today. I just felt nervous, but it all went away after a while. I just get nervous for no reason. I do love him. I do shake of how nervous I get. I don’t know it just kinda bothers me that I get nervous. He’s funny, but I don’t know. He’s always in my mind and heart. I can’t stop him form not being there. I can’t stop him for being in my life. He chooses to be in it i guess… I don’t know. I saw him looking at me though the corner of my eye, but I just kinda ignored him. *SELF FIVE* I’m just gonna go on with my life. Whatever happens… happens right?

Thoughts: September 6, 2016 Scared, but its okay. I think I’m depressed. I think Im deeply sad inside. I’ve been getting sad too much and it sucks. I don’t know what to do anymore. Like I get excited for whats coming in my future, but I’m scared its not gonna happen. Im scared that I won’t go though it. Im scared that I will fail. Im terrified of failure. I’ve always failed in my life and I don’t know how to stop it. I think everyone is scared of failure though. Everyone doesn’t know what they want. Everyone doesn’t think they’re gonna make it, but its okay because we live and we learn. Life is about failure. Life is about Succeeding. Life is about Learning. You can do this. You can fail if you want. Its okay.

Thoughts: September 11, 2016 Sounds Live Feels Live I saw them on friday Sep. 9th and it was the best night of my existence !! I didn’t want that night to end !! I miss them so much ! Im definitely gonna have PCD until The heirs sept. 24 ! I love life so much right now ! Im having fun and living !! Im so happy that I went to see 5 seconds of summer ! It was so much fun ! I had the time of my life and i cant stop thinking about them ! I LOVE 5SOS !!! FOREVER AND EVER <3

Thoughts: October 15, 2016 Someone Different ? Someone different is coming in my life. Someone different is changing me. Someone different is making me happy. Someone different treats me like a princess. Someone different is funnier. Someone different supports me. Someone different make my heart skip a beat. Someone different makes me forget you.  Someone different is making me forget you. Someone different, I can’t stop thinking about them.  Someone different is better than you.  Someone BETTER is in  my life. Someone better is changing me. Someone better is making me happy.  Someone better treats me like a princess. Someone better is funnier. Someone better supports me. Someone better makes my heart skip a beat. Someone better makes me forget you. Someone better makes me forget you. Someone better, I can’t stop thinking about them. Someone better is different than you. I’m glad that someone is in my life now, something you couldn’t do. But you will always have a piece of my heart. I still love you, I still care, I still want you.

Thoughts: November 6, 2016 Here We Go Again. Christian, you will NEVER EVER read this, but this is for me and only me. You make my heart skip a beat when I see you. You give me butterflies when we kiss. You make me smile when I look at you. You always make me laugh. You make me feel happy. I haven’t felt happy in a while. I want this feeling to be long term. I want to be with you. I want you and only you. I don’t care about the past, I don’t care about anything that you and I had with anyone. I just want our future together. The beginning has just begun for both of us.

Thoughts: November 15, 2016 NEW PLAN AND IT’S FOR REAL here we go new plan and its for real dude no slacking !! you got this !! 1. go to school for only acting and film classes 2. YOUTUBE ! 3. get a camera 4. acting agent 5. move to L.A. 6. CALARTS   7. DISNEY PRODUCTIONS 8.  Travel the world !!!

Thoughts: November 18,2015 I think I think I love you, but I don’t know what love is. I dont know if you’re here for a lesson or true love. I dont know if I would ever live without you. I dont know if i could survive without you. I dont know if I want to be with you forever. I dont know if you’re the one, but I think you are ere for a reason. A reason why I should believe in myself, believe in you, believe in us. You’re not like the others that I have been with. You’re better than them. You’re the best i could ever have. maybe one day ill see you with someone else and i know i won’t be okay with it, but ill deal with i. you’re my best friend and i hope you will for a long time. I just want you to be happy and you make me happy. I love you as a best friend. maybe even more. someday ill be yours and i hope to be yours for a while. Ill do anything for you and that what i tend to do. Ill take care of you and ill be with you until you dont need me anymore. It could be with a little bit or time or a long time. I dont mind. I want you and only you. I miss you when you’re not around. i want you near me at all times. i could maybe… i think.. idk i love you.

Thoughts : November 23, 2016 C... You see you make me happy. You make me smile. You make me think that we could be together for a long time. You make me realize that theres other people that can change my mind. You made me realize that the past is the past and you made me realize that i didn’t love him. I was just hung up on someone that I really liked. But I realized that I like you. You want to be with me. You’re not scared to show me off. You’re not afraid to say that I’m you girl. What I mostly like about you is that you have ambition, dreams and your personality is my favorite. Your eyes, your laugh, your voice, your lips… just you christian.You make me the girl I am right now. I may be a hopeless romantic, but I don’t see myself with anyone else. I like you christian. Maybe even more than like. I dont know. I may have felt this way towards someone, but i always have second thoughts. With you, I don’t have second thoughts. Maybe its too soon for me to think this because we dont know the future, but you are different. You’re heart and soul are just like mine.

Thoughts: November 25, 2016 The Rain Song Looking back at the old things that I said about Brandon is pretty interesting. It’s interesting because I no longer feel that way. Its so funny how I was so hung up on you and now I’m sitting here typing on my laptop thinking… “why? he was a jerk…yeah every now and then he did some nice things, but not like christian”. Christian… now he’s different. Christian gives me butterflies when I think about him. He makes me smile even though he’s not around. He makes me happy and I get excited when I see him. I never what to loose this feeling. I’m smiling just thinking about him. I know he won’t hurt me and I will never hurt him. I know he’s here for a while and Im glad that he is. Yeah, arguing and fighting is bound to happen, but nothing too extreme… I hope. No one has treated me like he has. He’s the best Ive ever had. Its hard to explain my feelings towards him because Im not used to saying my feelings I tend to hide them, which isn’t good. He cares for me and I care for him. All those things he said to me yesterday, made me realize that I do care for him a lot and I like him a lot… I don’t know about love cause Ive never had it, but if its how I feel right now then maybe i do.

Thoughts: November 29,2016 Dear Christian,      I'm writing this because I can't stop thinking about you. I keep getting butterflies and my heart is skipping beats. I haven't felt this way for anyone in a long time! I still get nervous when We go out...you may not notice, but I really do. I try to hide it from you. You also make me feel something I've never felt before and I really don't know what it is.  I want to show you how much i care about you. I usually can’t say how i feel about someone because Im weird about feelings like that, but you truly are the best. I just want to tell you that I have strong feelings for you and I do believe were together for a reason. I think that reason is for us to be happy. I love how we understand each other and were there for each other. You truly are someone that I am going to keep in my life for a while. Im glad that you’re in my life. You’re amazing. You’re caring. I know forever isn’t something thats real, but I wouldn’t mind being with you forever. You’ll always be in my heart no matter what. Im always thinking about you and i just smile at nothing. People may think Im crazy and they could be right… I am crazy, but in a good way because Im crazy about you. I know its cheesy, but i don’t know how to express my feelings towards you. You make me happy and i care a lot for you. I will do anything for you and like i said I will be there to care and possibly maybe even  love you. The reason I said that Im scared that you’re gonna hurt me that one night was because Ive never been in love. Love is a terrifying thing for me, but I wouldn’t mind getting hurt by you. Love is a rollercoaster and so far this is a fun roller coaster that I don’t want to get off from. I love you… I think. I dont know what love is, but i think its what I feel for you. There I said it I love you Christian. I love you so much that Im getting nervous just writing this. I dont know how you’re gonna react, but Im just gonna wait to say it until you say it first. I just want to let you know that I will never hurt you. If I do, I’m sorry. I dont mean anything that I say that makes you mad. I want you to be happy and always have a smile on your face. Im scared that Im gonna hurt you even if i said i won’t. Im scared that you’re gonna hurt me even if you said you won’t, but I’m just scared of this feeling that i have for you. Im scared, but if you do end up breaking my heart… i dont think i would remember the bad moments. I think i will remember the happy moments that we’ve had. Youre such a dork i love it. You’re a beautiful soul christian. You’re the best I’ve ever had. Im glad that its you. I care for you a lot… so much that it hurts me when you’re hurt. Thats why I like to ask you what you’re thinking about because I want to know everything that you think of… the good and the bad. I want to know how you feel and think. you make me happy and i know that sometimes i dont say much of how i feel and thats because i dont know what to say or show it. Well, one day you’ll ready this, but it won’t be anytime soon. You are my first love and Im glad its you. I love you christian.

Thoughts : December 1, 2016 Without you I dont ever want to be without you. I want you to be with me at all times. I want you to be safe. I care for you. It hurts me when you’re sad, angry and hurt. I love you... you'll always be in my hear no matter what. You'll always be remembered by me. We may not know the future, but if we ever end up on bad terms... just remember the good days. I want to say sorry in advance just in case I hurt you. I don't ever what to, but we're not perfect. We're human. We make mistakes sometimes we have to learn how to forgive and forget.

December 13, 2016 I told you I told you that I loved you… Im scared because I don’t want to get hurt. I love you so much it hurts.. I miss you when you’re gone. I don’t know why Im crying so much. I just get emotional when I think of you. I get all my feelings balled up and I just cry.

December 19, 2016 It is what it is.. I told you that I loved you, but now that I think about it… Im not in love with you. I do care for you and I do love you, but I know I can do better. You were right… you do need time to think about yourself and what you  need to do in life. I thought that I could help you, but I can’t baby you all the time. Im getting tired of acting like I’m your mother. i feel like you don’t appreciate anything I do for you. I want to feel like a girlfriend or someone that you truly care about. I just feel like I’m just a friend and I know thats what you tell people, but what kind of friends are we ? i know your family, I keep in contact with them… like ????? I guess I’m just over thinking like i always do. You need to hang out with your friends and not ditch them to hang out with me. I dont want that to happen cause one day We might not be a thing and you’re not gonna have anyone. I love you and I do care for you, but dont push people aside for me.

January 15, 2017 Im done. IM STARTING FRESH. Im done. Im over dating people for now. Its time to focus  on myself and not worry about anyone else ! I think this is the year when i actually work out and start to do things for myself. AUDITIONS, YOUTUBE, TRAVELING HERE I COME ! I know that you’re ready for your dreams to come true ! DO IT KARINA ! YOU GOT THIS GIRL ! You can do it ! I know you can ! WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE !!! BE HAPPY AND BE PROUD ! DONT LET ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN OR STRESS YOU OUT ! NO MORE ! NO MORE MR.NICE GUY ! FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND NEVER STOP DREAMING ! last year was the year of heart break, but not this year. forget the past focus on your future and your dreams. MAKE THEM COME TRUE! if others can do it so can you. dont let fear bring you down

Thoughts: January 29,2017 Do you I really just want to do my own thing this year. I mean yeah I have friends but I just wanna to do YouTube ! I don't wanna go to college anymore. I wanna focus on YouTube and just YouTube ! I wanna explore things and figure things out on my own. My mom makes me feel like I can't do anything and that I'm not gonna make my dreams come true. I want to accomplish what I told myself 2 years ago ! I don't wanna be scared anymore. I actually want to audition for things and actually start acting in things. I want to do it and I'm gonna do it ! Fuck school I'm not going. Why stress over somethng I dont wanna do ? Im tired of being forced to follow societies rules. I dont wanna go to school. Im not gonna go. I want to move to LA and live the life there. Im tired of just dreaming. I want them to come true. - [ ] Thoughts: February 5, 2015 MY MISTAKE I fell in love with the wrong person. I fell in love with Brandon. He will always be in my heart no matter what. Its been a year and it sucks ! I tried to move on, but I couldn’t cause I would constently would think of brandon. Its no ones fault that I feel like this. I love him… I miss him and it sucks cause I want him back.

Thoughts: March 7, 2017 Dear mom,     Mom I wish we had a better relationship. I know we don't communicate at all. I know you do things that are best for us, but you never listen to what I want to do, you just assume things and honestly i wish you would just open up your mind and listen to me. Let me live my dreams and support me and how I want to achieve it. I just wish you would understand. The reason I took this semester off was because I wanted to focus on YouTube and do that while I work and figure out what I really want to do with my life. I can't do that when you're on my ear telling me to pay $400 of rent that's too much ! If I'm gonna pay that much then I would rather move out where I can do wherever I want. I don't wanna move to banning, but at this point I feel like I'm forced to move there because it's too much. I'm gonna go back to school, I just wanted this semester off. What I really want is to work on our relationship, for you to understand and listen to what I want.

Thoughts : March 19, 2017 Looking Back. Now that I haven’t spoken to you in a while I think back and honestly, I feel nothing anymore. Yeah, i think about you, but its just a thought. I don’t feel anything. For a couple seconds I do miss you and I feel sad, but then I think back on everything I did for you. You did nothing for me. I didn’t want much, I just felt like I did everything in the relationship. Like I was the guy not the girl. I took care of you like you were my husband, but you weren’t even my boyfriend. You were my “Friend” as you call it. Once that “friendship” was over and I even asked you what we were you wanted me back, but you didn’t realize that you were too late. I dropped all my feeling for you and I feel nothing now. I feel gross just thinking about you. Just writing and listening to this stupid song you told me to listen to makes me angry. You made me feel guilty because I didn’t want you back. Because I didn’t want to be with you when you wanted me. I hate you Christian Rivas. Honestly, you’re a piece of shit. You’re fake and you follow other peoples dreams and claim them your own. You nothing, but a loser. Your mom was right about you, I could do better.

thoughts: March 25, 2016 Take it easy   Sometimes I don't know how much I can handle. Sometimes I don't know if I can handle everything in my life right now. I just wish there was someone that could help me. I wish that I could do everything that I think I can do. I wish I had someone that could help me. I wish that I was just like everyone else. They have both their parents. They have help. I don't have anyone. I have myself. That's all I have and it's hard. It's hard when all your friends have help from their parents. They can do whatever they want. They can go out and they don't have a worry in the world. I just wish I was in the same situation. It sucks when you don't have help from anyone. It's party of growing up I guess. I don't know I guess every life is different. Some are lucky and some just aren't. I guess I'm just one of the unlucky ones. The ones that have to struggle for a bit of success. It would work out in the end I guess. I'll have my dream and everyone that didn't believe in me...well i guess they can suck it. I'll be traveling and having fun while they live in a office job for the rest of their life. I'll prove them wrong. I'll prove them that I can do it. I'll prove it and I'll rub it in their faces. Just wait and see. People think I have potential and those people I'm gonna help out. I wanna throw up from all the stress in my life right now. I just feel depressed and worn out. I just want to kill myself sometimes. I just lay in my room and just cry. I just want to be alone. I just want to die at times. Idk I just feel like I can't Handel life. I can't do it. It's difficult and I don't want to do it. I just wanna be gone and be done. I don't have any plans other than entertainment. Is that my purpose ? To entertain people? To make others happy? When deeply I'm sad?

thoughts: May 8, 2017 Why? Its so funny cause when I try to move on, you’re still there. If you would tell me to hang out ill say yes in a heart beat. Idk what this feeling is, but I want you at the same time I dont.

Thoughts : June 3, 2017 Not like the movies My love for you isn’t like the movies. Its different, its a love hate thing. Its like i want to be with you, but I dont want anyone to be with you. I want you to be mine and mine only, but i dont want you. Its complicated. this love is not like the movies. I dont know why I can’t be with anyone else. I can’t, I wish i could ,but you’re all i think of. I just wish it was the same with you. I want to be with you and only you. Why do I feel this way ?

[sculpted-envy-blog]

✄, ☺, ♪

Late Munday | x | Not accepting

✄    Something about yourself you’re really embarrassed or ashamed about.

I have a really bad habit of bottling away my feelings until things go out of my control. It’s hard to describe. I get this sense that everyone else benefits if I keep my feelings to myself and then things end up going to shit because I didn’t speak my mind in time. Idk. I just always feel like I’m exaggerating or blowing things out of proportion in my head or that things aren’t really as bad as I’m making them out to be and then I try to tough it out and it. just. doesn’t. work. But I’m always the first to encourage people to speak their mind. I’m just bad at following my own advice, but I’m very good at giving it to others.

☺    A memory that always makes you laugh out loud

Oh gosh.. ok... first of all, I’m really bad at thinking of specific memories when prompted. I’m also really bad at remembering things that make me laugh because everything technically makes me laugh and I, thankfully, hang out with people who like to make me die laughing frequently. Right now, I can’t help but think of my trip to Europe last summer with the university’s orchestra. We had so many inside jokes. It was one of those things where you just had to be there. Anyways, we spent the majority of tour speaking in memes and changing the meme of the day everyday because this guy kept ruining it. Anyways, one experience was getting really drunk at dinner in Prague one night. So. This is our third day in Prague and we’re out of our element. We have to pay for water here because they don’t serve it out of the tap at restaurants and we’ve been paying for our own meals up until now. So. This restaurant is a cute hole in the wall and there’s entertainment while we eat AND FREE WINE. Anyways, we were specifically instructed during our orientations for the trip not to get drunk because we were here on “business”, but how in the world do you pass up free wine and free refills on said wine? Anyways, I spent that night drinking way too much, to the point where I can’t even remember what they served for desert. So then comes the entertainment and they’re asking for volunteers to dance with them and I am starting to fall asleep at the table so my friends are all pointing at me shouting “pick her!! pick her!!” So I get chosen to get up there and play a washboard with a spoon. They’ve instructed me to play a simple rhythm, but being the smart-ass music major that I am, I start playing variations of the rhythm. There’s two other students by me, and the dean of the school of music. Idk if they could tell I was drunk or not, but there’s not way that they didn’t, tbh. Anyways, so the performers keep having to come by and correct my rhythm when I change it up, until it’s time to have the volunteers join the dancers in this lively little folk dance thing and I can barely keep my head up at this point while we’re skipping and spinning around and around and in my head I thought I was a princess, but I probably looked ridiculous as I stumbled around. I honestly don’t remember how I got back to my seat or when... but I remember having to ask a sober guy friend to help me find the restrooms and I then I couldn’t figure out how to unlock my stall and it was a disaster. I also remember getting on the bus and my friends instructing me to lay down before our director passed by and just kinda stared down at me and my friends tried so hard to cover for me by saying i was just tired or something. Turns out he was totally drunk too lmao. oh gosh. It was crazy.

♪     Your OTP and what do you think it says about you and the love you want/think you deserve?

uhhhhh... currently, my OTP is Hidei... I’m not sure what that’s supposed to say about the love I want/think I deserve. Maybe that I’m hoping for someone who understands me and takes some sort of joy in the things I love. Someone who isn’t afraid to do daring and exciting things with me. 

My OTP of all OTP’s, however, is Haruka/Michiru(sailor uranus/neptune). They’re badass women who flirt and tease and love each other to the ends of the universe. I really hope to one day find someone who loves me that much. It’s such a romantic ship.