#until then though i want to do a lot more oto drawings

[rhys-ravenfeather]

I WILL SOMEDAY DRAW THE WHOLE GANG.

[magicpotatoobsession]

GIVEN: My Thoughts on the Anime and the Movie [SPOILERS]

EDIT 2024: this blog was made back in 2021 and now 3 years later it’s still has me on a chokehold

It's currently 11:46pm and I should be going to bed but I just got up to date with everything in Given and I know that I cannot sleep unless I got my thoughts down about this anime because holy fuck it might be an all time favourite. Also I'm currently listening to the entire OST as I'm writing this blog, this is how you know I'm too deep in the fandom.

This anime gave me so many feels. You see, this is why it's dangerous for a musician to watch a good music anime, it's too relatable, that's why I haven't even began to touch Your Lie In April, and not sure if I ever will. But I will say that Given is probably my favourite music-romance anime out of all the music-romance anime I have watched thus far and I will be drawing lots of comparison between Given and other music-romance anime that I've watched.

PLOT

This anime is for the most part, paced so perfectly. It leaves little clues for you to learn about a character's attributes and their past. There is just the perfect distribution of showing and telling, flashbacks feel natural rather than extended over elongated periods of time. This is where Kono Oto Tomare! paled in comparison. But I do want to talk about the two anime for a quick second. I did like how in Kono Oto Tomare!, music was the fore-theme and romance was secondary because we really got to dive deeper into the difficulties of rehearsals, practice, ensemble coordination etc. Given had romance as the fore-theme that utilised music as a metaphor for complexities of relationships and delved less into the specifics of music itself but relationships between the characters. The metaphors are so perfect though, especially the strings, especially now thinking back when Ue replaced the old snapped strings on the Gibson was symbolic of Mafuyu slowly being able to move on from Yuki.

Not gonna lie, I wished there were slightly more rehearsal scenes where we got to hear excerpts of the main songs leading up to their final epic performance but in the case of Given, I totally can see why the author/director held off on showing the audience any main parts of the musical performance until that final pivotal moment in Episode 9 and also 3/4 in the Given Movie. The musical performances in Given are PURE CATHARSIS, prioritising the emotional release of a everything that was pent-up for ages before it explodes. So in this case, I can respect them holding rehearsal music off until those epic moments. Of course, as a musician, I still wished maybe they still delved a little bit more into the technicalities of music itself, and maybe slightly less reliant on the theme of 'genius'. But for 11 episodes, for what it's worth, they packed so much that short space of time, I really don't have that many complaints.

What I am so absolutely in love with this anime is that it is just the perfect balance of funny, heartfelt, excitement and then amidst the youthfulness of band practise, there is this inherent darkness. I don't know how they do it. While anime like [b]Nana[/b] has funny moments, there is a very serious undertone kind of from the get go and you sort of know you're going to be in for an emotional rollercoaster, but with Given it almost creeps up on you and the next thing you know is you are on the verge of tears by Episode 9.

Dialogue is just so brilliantly written in the show. One of my favourite lines is what they described about loneliness, I think it was "The name of the bus stop. The colour of the sweat shirt I was wearing that day. The phrases and words that was popular to our conversation at that time. They slowly fade away. Ahhh That's loneliness. For the first time that day, I felt it on the stage." Especially those bits in italics, oh my goodness, so true, you forget how you speak to a loved one overtime, this even applies to forgotten friendships. Fuck it hits me deep in the feels man.

CHARACTER

I literally have so much I want to say about every single character in this show, please pray that I'll get to sleep in the next hour. But oh my goodness, the deep and complex characterisation in Given is what makes it completely stand out from any other romance anime. It literally makes my heart physically ache so much.

Given

Let's start with Mafuyu, once again tying to my earlier point, he looks like such a harmless cinnamon roll that I was not emotionally prepared for the darkness that actually resided inside of him. He is such a well-written character, he is emotionally repressed due to his abusive father and every time he seemed to express his emotion, something bad happens, especially looking back at his outburst with Yuki. In a sense, I think he has anxious attachment style from experiencing abandonment and abuse from his father, hence he had that fight with Yuki. He started music because he couldn't let go of Yuki, because of grief, but then through music, he found himself and a safe space for him to express himself without negative consequences, he found joy under the stage lights. And he found Uenoyama, who supported him no matter what. The only thing I think I wished the anime included was just a short 10 second scene where he was by himself and maybe had a monologue with Yuki. For a childhood best friend turned ex that passed away, I felt like just one more scene between the two of them, just needed a bit more closure, not a flashback but something a bit more present, like Mafuyu instead of carrying the Gibson in front of his arms, he carries it on his back. It will not only show that he has overcome his loneliness, but it then becomes a much clearer sense of moving forward because I did feel like from Mafuyu wrapping up his grief with Yuki to him going out with Ue was a bit too quick. I'm just thinking back to Full Moon wo Sagashite where the main girl literally was in depression for so long when she found out that her loved one died (a little too long), but it's only natural though and then when she slowly realised her love for the main guy, it felt a lot more resolute and grounded. I also really love how although softspoken and introverted, Mafuyu is surprisingly bold, especially when asking Ue out and Ue to stay when he's sick. This boy has guts! Also this boy is surprisingly perceptive as well, especially in the movie!

Uenoyama, he's such a tsundere but in the most wholesome way possible. He's a very kind person which I think is what made Mafuyu like him. Also I love the subversion compared to most other BL anime where the more 'masculine guy' is more aloof and cold but Ue is just gay panicking throughout the entire anime and I honestly live for it. I love how he recognises his jealousy, helps Mafuyu finish the song that technically Mafuyu and Yuki started together to give him closure, kind of an idiot for kissing Mafuyu right after such an emotional song but thankfully and humorously realises that it was kind of wrong and is otherwise for the most part, really caring and really encouraging. We stan a healthy shounen-ai relationship. OMFG, that "It's mutual" scene was so freaking hilarious, it reminded me of all of the Kyoko demons making decisions from Skip Beat!

Ue's mental farewell party vs. Kyoko's demons

Yuki, oh my freaking goodness, my heart aches for that boy. I know we only have 11 episodes, but I really wanted to know more about how he became the way he did and how he got into music. He's definitely Robin Williams sort of character, sunshine on the outside and darkness on the inside and hints of mental illness were scattered throughout the flashbacks. To be honest, I really really loved Yuki and Mafuyu's dynamic, the little moments they shared are so incredibly precious but mental illness was the ultimate killer and it's just so sad because we see this happen way too much even in real life. I like their dynamic so much because they seem to be in their own little world but I think Ue brings a new fire in Mafuyu that can be shared with the rest of the world. But to be honest, if Yuki came back by some miracle of the divine, I honestly wouldn't know who I would ship more. But in my little memory bubble, in my little time capsule, I'd just want Yuki and Mafuyu to exist for a little longer.

Hiiragi also deserves a special mention even though he is a side character. I really enjoyed the author's/director's inclusion of the paralysis of a friend dealing with a someone going through mental illness and someone dealing with anxious attachment style. Him asking for forgiveness and resuming a friendship with Mafuyu is just the wholesome friendship we need more of in today's society. The thing is, it's hard, it's hard to support people with mental illness! It's even harder when they are in their own little world, it feels like there is not much one can say. I really commend on the author and director for tackling such complex topics.

Given Movie

Haruki is just a cinnamon roll, he just deserves the entire world. I don't care what anyone says. His kindness is boundless. He is literally mum. The scene where Akihiko made a coerced non-consensual move on Haruki honestly made me so uncomfortable and is probably what made me rate the movie slightly lower than the anime. My heart absolutely ached for Haruki, when he ran away crying when Akihiko emotionally barred him away even when it was Haruki everytime that offer him a place to stay and formed the band with him when he was on the verge of quitting music. Haruki deserves a Nobel Peace Prize or something, there is no purer bean on the planet. Really great for him that things worked out but I swear in Aki hurts him in any way later on I SWEAR TO GOD....

Akihiko is interesting. At first, I really disliked his character. A clear womaniser, a character with a clear inferiority complex that literally was the main cause of the break-up between him and Ugetsu. And then I realised the reason I really disliked his character was because I saw a bit of myself in him. The moment the Given Movie started, I thought to myself "Oh No.... I'm really going to relate to the love Hate that comes from falling for someone that's in the music industry". This love-hate or I guess inferiority complex is so incredibly painful and so relatable. You admire someone so much but because you also love music so much and as a musician, the line between where you start and where music starts is very blurred, your identity and music is almost as one, your emotion is the emotion in your music so when someone's better than you in music, it's like someone repeatingly stabbing you in your heart but at the same time, music is something you love, so you feel so much awe and wonder when you hear someone play music so beautifully. This self-contradiction that Akihiko feels cannot be put into words. As annoyed as I am at him because he literally sort of caused Ugetsu to realised that Akihiko is losing his passion for music because of all these conflicting emotions, it's just such a relatable thing for me as a composer. Also the very fact that Ugetsu seems to travel alot for work probably also made Akihiko very lonely and things just got more and more toxic as they were unable to pull away from one another.

What I absolutely loved in the end was Akihiko's change, he hurt Haruki so much, he lashes out when he's hurt and acts selfish and I REALLY appreciated that he asked for consent before touching Haruki in the final confession scene. That was so brilliant. It's really great that he was able to find joy and love in music again. I'm currently also trying to find joy and love in music as well so I hope that I can also find someone who can be on this journey with me.

And finally we have Ugetsu. My heart aches for him so so so much. This success and brilliance of a great musician is a tier of loneliness that very few will understand. Ugetsu loves Akihiko and music but he saw that his very presence was causing so much pain for Akihiko's self-esteem so he tried to tear away. But he didn't have the guts to completely do so which is why they just keep hurting each other even post-break up. Even though he acts aloof, this boy just wants what was best for Akihiko but when he finally left, it hurt like hell, but Mafuyu's song made him realise that he'll be ok. Fuck man, this is unfortunately the life of many musicians, music is such a large part of our livelihood, we chase it and chase it until all of our loved ones can no longer keep up with us so we let them go and watch them from afar with a soft smile. Our memories of those times spent together become memorialised in the music that we create. And in turn, it inspires and brings joy to others while we watch from afar. That's how it feels like to me to be a musician sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if the sacrifice is really worth it.

SOUND

OP and ED grew on me. By the end of the anime I really liked them. But of course the stand out music is the entire OST of the anime. Once again I think Given is the perfect example of "simple is perfect", like if you carefully listen to some of the tracks, it's so simple but it allows your to really focus on the dialogue and the pacing and what the characters are trying to tell you rather than Kono Oto Tomare! where the music often felt too dramatic and emotionally prescriptive. But I hear a few violin harmonics and careful treatment of certain main themes so Given's music is definitely well carefully thought out crafted provides such a relaxing yet sometimes hauntingly nostalgic and painful atmosphere.

The voice acting of Uenoyama and Haruki are so adorable when they gay panic and I've got to give it to Mafuyu for wonderfully showing the progression of an amateur to a good singer.

ANIMATION

Gorgeous gorgeous colours. Especially all of the scenes of the band practice rooms and the stage performances, the night scenes. I don't know the budget for this anime but I could definitely tell a lot of care went into any musical performances whether on the violin or on stage.

Sometimes I saw a bit of inconsistency with the linework in some close-up and far-away shots of characters but this is so minute I literally don't even care.

This anime is I seriously believe, revolutionary in its genre. I've never seen such healthy shounen-ai representation in an anime before and such wonderfully complex characters. This will be a top favourite, I know I'll be rewatching this alot and referring a lot of my friends to watch this. What an incredibly underrated anime.

[kuriquinn]

Telanadas [17/19]

Cover Page & Disclaimer:

first chapter

Author’s Note: This chapter is dedicated to my dear @xxlovendreamsxx who isn’t having such a great day. Hopefully this makes you smile a bit today! Hence the early update ^_^

“Are you kidding me?” Naruto demands as the final door out of the temple opens on a spiralling stone staircase leading downward. It is lit by torches and nothing else. “We could have skipped all the freezing and the trials and just come in the back of the temple and gotten the ashes that way?”

“That would probably defeat the purpose of making a pilgrimage,” Kakashi reminds him. “These things are meant to test you.”

“Yeah, but one of those scenarios involved me with my clothes on.”

“We are all very aware of that, thank you,” Sasuke mutters.

It is a slow procession that descends the slippery, and sometimes crumbling, stairwell.

“Is it possible to get to the Deep Roads from here?” Sasuke wonders. “An underground route to Iwa might be more convenient for us than going around.”

“If there is, it wouldn’t be safe,” Sakura replies. “Not that the Deep Roads are ever safe, but there’s a difference between ten darkspawn and ten thousand.”

“Yeah, we learned that the hard way,” Naruto mutters with a palpable shiver.

Much to their chagrin, though their journey through the centre of the mountain is less dangerous than their trek upwards, it takes longer. There is nowhere along the way down for them to stop, and along the lone trek downward, moods and tempers fray.

They are all of them relieved when after half a day if walking, the ground levels out and leads to a narrow mining shaft. Fresh, cool air beckons beyond them. Though the sun appears to be setting, it still provides enough light to guide them out of a small path at the base of the mountain.

Once they are all safely back outside, the tiny doorway they came through shifts and fuses back up, rocks and stones drawing together seamlessly. If they had not walked through it, Sasuke would not know the entrance was even there.

“And that is why we could not have taken the back way up even if we wanted to,” Kakashi tells Naruto. “Dwarven doors are invisible when closed.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

The based of the Three Wolves Mountain is still cold and dreary, but it is not as dismal as the summit. Naruto wants to head for Uzushiogakure at once, but Sakura puts her foot down.

“I’m having a bath and real food and an actual bed for once,” she insists. “It’s been a week of pretending we don’t hear each other pee, I need a night of privacy.”

Sasuke makes a noise of agreement. After getting off the blighted mountain top, he wants a warm meal and the ability to scrub the blood from his various nooks and crannies. Perhaps Naruto was raised in a stable and likes the dirt, but Sasuke and his people have always been fastidiously clean.

To soothe Naruto’s grumbling, they do end up heading toward Arl Hiruzen’s castle. Still, the four of them keep an eye out for settlements in the area which might offer a place to stop.

As they walk, Sasuke realises Sakura has fallen into step beside him, while Naruto and Kakashi somehow linger farther and farther behind them. Wondering if it is on purpose, Sasuke makes the mistake of glancing at Sakura out of the corner of his eyes, noticing that she is doing the same.

Her cheeks turn red and she looks away.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she says quickly. “I was just…I wondered if you’re alright.”

Sasuke makes a face. “You always ask me that. Do I seem feeble to you?” 

“What? No! That’s not—it’s just, I get the sense that people never asked you that much.”

“I am not a child that requires reassurance at every turn.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Sakura makes a face. “Is it so hard to believe I care about your well-being because…just because?”

He does not respond, not wanting to point out that beyond being hard to understand, it is illogical to him. In his view, he has done nothing to call for such an interest.

“I know you pretend like this was some silly mission or quest or thing to get out of the way,” she goes on, “and more trouble than it was worth. But what happened up there affected you.”

“Tch!”

“I saw you in that chamber when we fought those doppelgängers,” she insists. She lowers her voice with a surreptitious glance back to where Naruto and Kakashi bring of the rear of their little procession. “I didn’t mention it because the others were so close by, but I wanted to. It unnerved you to hurt us. Even if it wasn’t really us.”

“Is that something you saw?” he sneers, but there is little bite to it.

“Yes, it is,” she insists stubbornly. “You know why? Because I think you’ve developed a soft spot for us.”

“Then you are not as observant as you think you are.”

“Aren’t I? Because you seemed upset.”

“I wasn’t upset about that.”

I was upset because it was you.

Sakura groans in frustration. “You know what? Fine. You weren’t upset about that. You’re not upset now.”

“Right.”

“Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s pretend you’re not full of sod, why don’t we?” she goes on. “Because it seems that’s easier than coming out and saying it. With words and everything.”

Sasuke blinks, wondering if he has missed something. “Saying what?”

Sakura sighs and shakes her head, shoulders slumping forward. “Never mind. Here I was, figuring we’d gotten past this…this. But we haven’t. So, tomorrow’s another day, but right now I…oh, forget it!”

And she stomps forward, putting an impressive distance between the two of them considering someone whose legs are much shorter.

Sasuke stares after her, feeling as dazed as he was when hit in the face with Naruto’s doppelgänger’s shield.

“Is there a rule about women not making sense?” he asks out loud to no one in particular.

“Under normal circumstances, yes,” Kakashi answers, appearing by his side as if summoned. “But I think in this case, it is you being an idiot.” Sasuke shoots him an unimpressed side-eye. “I have never seen anyone so bad at reading the signals. That is saying something, considering you supposedly a high-and-mighty, observant assassin.”

“I fail to see the correlation.”

“I always heard the assassins trained in Oto were adept in many skills—especially body language and seduction.”

“You read too many novels,” Sasuke grumbles, tips of his ears burning, because under normal circumstances, it is true. “And I can read signals fine.”

“No, you can’t,” Naruto pipes up, appearing on Sasuke’s other side with a teasing expression on his face. “Because even I noticed it this whole trip. She’s practically been demanding that you…lick her lamppost, if you get my meaning.”

He wiggles his eyebrows and shoots Sasuke a filthy grin which Sasuke retaliates against by lashing out with his foot, tripping the human.

“Bastard!” Naruto chokes through a mouth full of ice and snow.

“Your response is a lot more telling than what he was implying,” Kakashi points out.

“Think what you want,” Sasuke grunts. “The situation is more complicated than either of you fools make it out to be.”

“Complicated? Is it? I do not see how it can be more so than say…threading a needle?”

Sasuke narrows his eyes at the older man, considering the merit of knocking the mage into the snow next.

“I am simply making a suggestion,” Kakashi continues, unbothered by the unspoken threat in the air. “Take a bit of advice from someone who waited far too long to act and missed out on one of the few comforts this brief life affords us.”

“When I want your opinion, I will ask for it.”

“You will not.”

“No, I will not.”

At least they can agree on that.

“Hey! Guys, look!” Sakura calls from up ahead. She is standing on a small hill rise, pointing at something on the horizon. “There’s a town ahead! It looks nice and big—I bet they have a traveller’s inn!”

“And they will no doubt charge a pretty penny for it when they see the desperate state we are in,” Kakashi remarks. “If they are full up, and she wants a room of her own, the three of us will have to share quarters again.

“First one gets his own room!” Naruto shouts, now recovered from his trip in the snow and shoving past Sasuke and Kakashi.

“Halfwit,” Sasuke mutters under his breath, but he takes off after him.

They shoot past a bemused Sakura, who shouts after them—something about short legs and injustice—but Sasuke is too busy overtaking Naruto to care. He exploits every degree of natural light-footedness to speed past the human, not stopping until he reaches the village. He feels no guilt over it, either—a room to himself is a luxury he has not had in a while.

There are a few odd looks in his direction—he is a Dalish elf, and clearly the settlement is human—but he ignores them. Soon, he finds the nearest guesthouse and makes a beeline for it.

As it turns out, there was no need for the contest (despite his own inexplicable satisfaction at beating Naruto) because the inn is all-but empty. The innkeeper informs him there have been no travellers through this part of the kingdom all season. For a modest sum, Sasuke can get four separate rooms for their party.

Ten minutes later, the others arrive, Naruto panting and swearing at him about cheating, while Sakura and Kakashi stroll in afterward.

“You’re both idiots,” Sakura informs them. He thinks she is just bitter she could not keep up with either of them even if she tried.

The innkeeper’s wife takes one horrified look at Sakura—her weapons and gear stained with more blood than any of the others—and declares, “Oh, you poor thing! Let’s get you out of that mess and into a hot bath.”

Which instantly makes Sakura break into the most delighted smile, her earlier irritation gone.

The innkeeper is not so coddling, grunting that there is a hogshead out back for them to use to wash. Then he heads upstairs to stoke the fires in their rooms.

“It’s fucking freezing!” Naruto complains. “Why don’t we get a nice hot bath?”

“Because we are manly men,” Kakashi replies, no trace of a joke in his voice. “And some of us might need a cold wash anyhow.”

Sasuke ignores him. He does not mind the temperature too much at the moment, too pleased at cleaning his skin of the dried blood and viscera. His gear is not in as poor condition as Naruto’s anyhow, considering he did not slice open a Bronto and practically bathe in its innards.

Whatever momentary discomfort he endures cleaning himself in the frigid yard is worth it. W

hen he enters the dining area, one of the serving wenches puts a plate of mulled cider and a hank of roasted rams’ meat in front of him. Animal flesh was never his preferred diet growing up, but occasional bursts of starvation have made him appreciative of most food, whatever its origin. Sasuke offers a silent prayer to Andruil for whatever successful hunt brought him this food and tucks in with gusto. For once he is too busy indulging in his own meal to note Naruto’s sloppy chewing or Kakashi’s increasing inebriation.

At a later point, Sakura joins them, no longer clad in her thick armour but in a dress that looks to have been borrowed from their hostess. It is too long for her, spilling to the floor, and too tight across the bosom. Sasuke tells himself he only noticed this because the garment makes it impossible to hide a weapon, not because of the sight it offers him of her cleavage.

The fact he chokes on his cider when she sits down beside him means nothing.

The serving girl comes by, offering a second helping of supper, and he declines. Days of living on road have shrunken his stomach, and if he eats too much, he will spend the next few hours vomiting and shitting in the snow. Or worse.

(He is confident that is Naruto’s more immediate fate).

“Perhaps later?” she suggests, her black eyes trying to telegraph something to him. “I’ll be working at my chores late, I could…bring it to your room?”

He is vaguely aware of Sakura stiffening beside him but does not know why. He waves the woman away.

“Do not make more work for yourself, I doubt you are well-paid for it,” he replies, standing and preparing to head upstairs. His exhaustion has caught up to him while he was sitting. “My needs have been well-seen to.”

He almost misses the way her eyes flit between him and Sakura.

“Oh! I see. Well then, pay no attention to me,” she says, sounding nervous for whatever reason. “Goodnight, ser.”

Sasuke frowns at her departing back and looks to Sakura. “Did I miss something?”

She looks like she is fighting down a smile.

“If you’re asking me if you’ve missed something, you’re more tired than you look.”

That makes a strange sort of sense, and he nods. “Good night.”

“I hope it will be,” she replies, which has him frowning and puzzling his entire way up to bed. Though he blames his confusion on the fact his eyes kept straying to the low scoop of her collar.

His tiny, private room is little more than a bed and a washbasin, but there is a tiny grate with a crackling fire that offer him a comforting warmth. The cot has a thick featherbed and well-insulated windows to keep out the cold.

It is a matter of minutes to divest himself of his clothes and slip into bed, placing his weapons within easy reach. It is a matter of seconds before he succumbs to a deep and dreamless sleep.

Only to awake with a violent start an indeterminable amount of time later.

The room is dark except for a trickle of moonlight from beyond the closed shutters. For a heartbeat, he is lost, torn from the heaviness of sleep, but his hand reflexively clenches around the dagger beneath his pillow.

Someone is here.

A split second before he can rise and hurl the dagger at the intruder, there is a whisper in the darkness.

“Sasuke-kun?”

It is Sakura.

He loosens his grip on the blade and eases up, his eyes seeking the familiar form of the Warden. The scarce light in his room is more than enough for him to make a detailed study of her form.

His first instinct is to confirm that she is not injured or in distress.  (No midnight attack by enemies, then, which has happened before.) A beat later, he notices there is something open about her in the dark. Something he does not think is entirely because she’s exchanged her usual thick armour for a borrowed woollen nightdress.

There is vulnerability in the way she clutches at the rough downy blanket around her shoulders, her eyes shining at him with something akin to doubt.

“What is it?” he asks, the demand coming out harsher than he intends. But the closer she gets, the faster his heart beats.

Sakura does not offer an answer, instead stepping toward him in the dark before perching on the side of his bed. She continues to watch him, careful and evaluating, opens her mouth to speak, and closes it as if she forgot the words. Then, she bites down on her lip, hesitant, and tilts her head to study him again. 

Sasuke bristles, not used to her lack of forthrightness. It bothers him, seeing her so uncertain and… timid? It goes against what he knows of her. Worse are the unspoken words, hanging there in the air and taunting him with the vast possibility of what they could be. He hates being curious and unprepared, and she is one who excels in making him so.

“Why—?” he begins, only to be cut off when she ducks her head forward and presses her lips against his.

It is a chaste caress, almost a whisper in its delicateness, but he feels as if he has been turned to stone. Thoughts stagger and vanish, a charge like electricity arcing through his body. He does not even dare to breathe as the world narrows to the sensation of her skin touching his and the flutter of her breath against his cheek.

The seconds stretch like days, and she pulls away again. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes continue to gleam at him in the moonlight, though now he can better interpret what is there.

Warmth. Fear. Determination. Desire.

And a question.

She does not speak it though.

At first, he thinks she dreads his answer, especially given her uncharacteristic apprehension.

Then he realises her silence is an offer.

She has come here for a purpose, one which he suspects is somehow not so obvious as the kiss she bestowed upon him, but even more significant. Yet instead of giving voice to that, she waits for his reaction.

He knows that if he were to turn away now, offer his back to her and her proposition, she would disappear from his room and speak no more of this. They can go back to the way of things tomorrow, and when their quest is over, part as only comrades in arms. In the same way he knows if he continues, she will accept whatever restrictions he requires. Even if it is only for tonight.

More terrifying than both options is the third. That if he chooses her—if he says the word, she will bind herself to his side much longer than a night.

On any other woman, he might see this as desperation, a willingness to take whatever scrap of attention he might deign to offer her. But he knows this woman, and desperation is not a brush with which she can be tarred.  

As uncertain as she may be right now, watching for his reaction, her demeanour is calm and accepting. It is a resigned peace Sasuke cannot remember ever experiencing.  And there is something else, something in her gaze he does not think he is ready to understand, but finds he wants.

Perhaps something of that shows in his expression because her eyes soften incrementally and a smile curls at her lips.

She leans forward again, once more pressing her mouth to his, but this time it is more than a whispered hint of what could be. There is substance and force, a resistance that is both a challenge and an invitation. Sasuke allows himself only one more second of hesitation before returning the kiss.

Translation:

Andruil – the huntress; elven goddess of the hunt

Warning, warning: incoming smut! We’ve only been waiting for this the whole fic… 😊

Comments and concrit are much appreciated, and very motivating! For information about supporting my original, non-fandom related works, you’re welcome to check out my ko-fi tip jar, or my patreon page. 

栗

Next Chapter

[kusunogatari-a]

[ Foolish ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Senju Tsunade, Suigin Ryū, Uchiha Obito, Deidara ] [ Death mention, blood mention, illness mention ] [ Verse: White Hands Healing ]

“And...how long will I be expected to remain?”

“Until the endemic is contained and treated, of course. As for a time frame...I can't give you one. We're stretched far too thin as it is – it's why I'm sending you solo. I can't spare anyone else, let alone another medic to give you an estimate.” Arms cross beneath Tsunade's bust, amber eyes looking to Ryū critically. “...that also means no escorts. Which I'm loathe to do, but...with all of this Akatsuki business, I just can't spare the personnel.”

“I understand.”

Handing Ryū a mission missive, the Godaime adds, “Be careful – there's been rumors of strange activity in a nearby lake. We're considering sparing a few shinobi to check it out, but for now – until we know more – there are no plans to interfere.”

The younger merely nods, accepting the envelope and giving a bow. “I'll send Fubuki with news, should I learn anything worth noting.”

“It's appreciated. Now get going – the sooner we stop this illness, before it can spread, the better.”

Excused, Ryū abandons Tsunade's office, opening the envelope as she goes. The intel is scant – just that help has been requested with a stubborn illness in a small civilian village. The map included shows the nearby lake, and she spares it only a brief thought, wondering just what could be going on. ...I wonder if the two incidents are related...I might have to see for myself. But first...I better get there and speak to the villagers.

With supplies already in a pack, she leaves Konoha behind.

It's a two day trek, the interim night spent camped off the roadside. It's hardly the first time an aid mission has taken her so far. But it is the furthest she's gone without some kind of shinobi partner or team along with her. She's tried to argue her defenses to Tsunade since her return from Kusunokizan, but the Hokage wouldn't have it.

Maybe she'll finally believe me, if I can handle this without a squadron. Doubtful, but...she can hope.

The morning after, Ryū rises from her bedroll, a moment taken to gather her wits before she notices that it's quiet.

...too quiet.

A hand at her neck, she doesn't pause in her routine, getting up and putting her supplies away, but expanding her senses as far as they'll reach. There aren't any nearby chakra signatures...but that isn't always telling. Part of her wants to take the time to meditate for a sage state...but doing so would leave her vulnerable. And surely let anyone who may or may not be watching know that she realizes she's being...watched.

So, she tries to shrug off the feeling, abandoning her camp and continuing on her way. Eventually, bird songs fill the air again, and she lets herself relax.

...a little bit.

She reaches the village late afternoon, taking a preparatory breath. This typically goes one of two ways: the person in charge is helpful, organized, and welcoming...or...they're not.

She's hoping for the former.

Stepping through the gate, she's glad to see it's not been reduced to a ghost town. People still wander the streets, children at play and adults going about their business. Shops are open, and things seem fairly normal...save for the masks nearly all are wearing over their mouths.

An obliging stranger points her in the right direction to the village head, and she's thankful to find them a bit frazzled, but otherwise calm.

“Thank you for coming, Suigin-san. Here...I'll take you to the clinic where the sick are being held.”

As they walk, she makes inquiries into symptoms, time frames, and mortality rates. “No one's died of it...yet. It started about two weeks ago, but...it may have simply been lurking until then. You know how sickness can...lie in wait at times.”

“Indeed.”

“It's like a fever, at its base...but there's also strange rashes and pustules. When they burst, it's...well, it's like acid.”

Ryū's brow sharply furrows. “...I see. I'll have to examine the sick before I can make any conclusions.”

So far, there are twenty-three confirmed with infections. Kneeling at one woman's side, Ryū listens as the village head speaks. “Any sign of infection, we quarantine them immediately. And yet somehow, it keeps making its way out. People are starting to panic.”

“You're doing well – outbreaks can often progress far faster.” The medic gives him a strained smile. “I'd best get to work.”

“Of course. Whatever you have need of...simply ask.”

“Ah, Deidara-senpai! Aren't you excited? We finally get to go after a bijū!”

Scowling, a blond snaps, “Speak for yourself – this is my second bijū.” There's a tinge of pride to his tone, as though talking down to an underling. “My talents are obviously being recognized, being sent after another one, hn.”

“Of course, of course!” Beside him, a man in a mask seems to flail with unrestrained excitement. “You'll have to teach me a thing or two, senpai!”

“Tch, if you can even learn.” Giving his partner a glance, Deidara glowers. “You know the plan. I'll scout out the area aerially. You can go on foot and root out anything nearby. Apparently a few scouts already saw Oto nin in the area. We should lie low until we know what they're up to. Once we know more...we'll regroup at the lake's southern shore, hn.”

The other man gasps. “...you...you would leave Tobi alone for that long...?”

Another scowl. “If you can't handle yourself that long, I have no regrets leaving you to your fate, hn. Akatsuki members don't need hand-holding...! You brag about your skills in gathering intel...so prove it, Tobi.”

A hand raises to salute. “I'll make you proud, Deidara-senpai!”

“We'll see about that.” Glad for a reason to split paths, the artist summons a clay creation, hopping to the bird's back and taking to the air. “Now get going!”

Still saluting, Tobi watches until the figure disappears into the distance.

Once it does, his aura immediately shifts, and a nettled sigh escapes him. “...if only you knew how tiring it is to deal with you and your attitude...senpai.” The last word is more spat than said. “Now...on to business.”

By now, Akatsuki is gaining notoriety. Unfurling a traveling cloak, it replaces the red clouds as a hood draws up over the man's mask. If he's to scout the area – sprinkled with small villages – he needs to blend in a bit. Travelers are hardly uncommon. And civilians are so uncensored in their gossip. If the Sanbi is indeed here...surely the people will have noticed. He needs only overhear the right loose lips, and he'll know enough to report back.

It's over an hour before he encounters the first, passing through the gate with little trouble. It doesn't take long to notice the stressed air, and Obito wonders if it's worries about the bijū.

He takes to wandering the main thoroughfare, pretending to browse wares with open ears. At first he doesn't hear much of intrigue...and what he does isn't what he's looking for.

“...got here a few days ago. She's been working non-stop. I hope she finds a cure...”

“I know – my nephew has it, and I'm scared to death we'll lose him. Children can pass so easily...they're so fragile.”

Ah, it seems there's some kind of illness going around. Explains why people are on-edge. From what he can recall, there's no record of the Sanbi making people ill...perhaps there's something in the water?

“I just can't believe Konoha only sent one medic, all by herself! No shinobi escort or anything to speak of. The poor dear has been running herself ragged.”

“The hidden villages say they take care of us small towns...bah! If they really wanted us safe, they'd have sent more!”

“Well, there has been a lot happening...have you heard the rumors? Criminals running around – powerful ones! They have to be stopped!”

“Criminals have targets – illnesses don't! They spread wherever they damn well please. That should be a priority!”

“Suigin-san is doing her best. And I'm glad they sent a medic with some empathy for once. They're usually so...so down to business, treating patients like numbers, not people! I'll have to bring her some home-cooked food. Gods know she's likely being given only the basics...the village head is so stingy!”

The conversation moves beyond his hearing, and Obito realizes he's been listening far too closely to something of little import. Unless the Sanbi is causing the illness, it's useless intel.

...a Konoha medic, hm...?

The phrase begets a pause, even after so long. They're hardly a rare commodity – of all the major nations, Hi no Kuni has the highest ratio of healers, thanks mostly due to Tsunade and her focus on the art since she was young.

Rin was not the first, and nor would she be the last.

And yet...

Slipping from the stall he's been pretending to peruse, Obito decides to investigate.

After all...it may be related to the Sanbi.

...that's what matters.

“Suigin-san! Suigin-san, please, wait!”

Stopped near the gate, having just returned from picking herbs, Ryū comes up short as a woman approaches with a child in her arms. “...yes?”

“Please...I...” She takes a few gulps of air. “It...it's not the illness, but...something is wrong with my son. He just...s-stopped breathing!”

Abandoning her basket, Ryū doesn't hesitate, lying the boy on a nearby bench. Breath. Lungs. Without a thought, she tugs his shirt over his head, freeing his chest as a palm presses to his skin, the other against his throat. Snow-white chakra bleeds into being, scouring his lungs and airways. “...what was he doing?”

“He...he'd just come back from the market. He and some friends were...were all excited about some new candy, and -”

“Was he eating it?”

“Y...yes?”

“...it's likely an allergic reaction...his throat is swelled closed.” Shifting her other hand to join the one against the boy's neck, Ryū focuses her energy into the muscles, urging them to relax. Once they do, she hears him take a gasping breath.

By now, onlookers have gathered to the commotion, muttering and pointing.

But before the mother can swoop in, she lifts a hand. “Wait.” Concentrating, she forges the chakra into a barrier along his airway, keeping it forced open. Carefully splitting her focus, the other digs out a vial of saline from her leg pack. Teeth wrench the cork out of place, freeing the liquid. Holding it aloft beneath her palm, she guides it down the boy's throat until she finds the offending sweet in his digestive tract, cleaning its residue as she goes. The liquid, molded with her chakra, draws it back up and out of his throat, tossed with a flick of her wrist to the ground.

It's then she releases the barrier and goes back to calming the inflamed tissue. “...I need to finish healing the damage, but...he'll be all right.”

The mother offers a few breathy prayers, waiting impatiently until Ryū sits the boy upright. Looking dazed but alive, he hardly seems to notice her death grip and sobbing.

Standing and giving them space, Ryū just gives a soft smile, watching as she helps her son to his feet. Shaky, but he doesn't fall.

Before she can stop it, the mother's relief translates into a hug for her, too. Eyes wide in surprise, the medic eventually relaxes and returns it. “I was just happy to help. Though, I'd go back to that food stall and see what could have caused the reaction. Hopefully it will be something easy to avoid.”

Accepting the last few relieved thank-yous, Ryū watches them go as the crowd disperses. But as it does...another feeling of being watched seems to tickle the back of her neck. Expression shifting, she glances over her shoulder, but catches no one with their eyes on her.

...strange...

...interesting...

It was easy to find the commotion – the village is hardly large. And hearing her name all but confirmed it. It hadn't been the illness at fault – something else. A reaction, apparently. But it turned out fine in the end. Obito was hardly invested – death isn't something that bothers him, even when it comes to children. But at least now he has a face to go with the medic's moniker.

And to his amusement, it's one he's seen before – just a few days hence, on the road to meet his partner. He'd thought it odd, a woman traveling alone. Her chakra had been dense, a pure white to his Sharingan...but not a shinobi. So he'd left well enough alone, finding little point in the effort to remove her. Besides...she was obviously from Konoha. He could always just tell. And surely that meant they'd notice if she went missing. More trouble than it's worth...the village is already on guard. He doesn't need the attention, and more Konoha fools wandering around to investigate and causing him trouble.

The incident ends, and though it's not part of her mission, Suigin doesn't ask for recompense. Just gives a smile. A small act of charity, perhaps – hardly any of her time. But a life spared, in the end.

“I was just happy to help.”

A bit unusual. At least, to a point. Obito supposes medics are more likely to be charitable than their shinobi counterparts. Everything's a mission – everything has a sum of ryō at the end of it all. But the way she'd looked at them, once it was all over...

He's seen an expression like that before...but not for quite some time. On a face that still haunts him with a far different look in her eyes...and a hand in her chest.

However, he must be staring a little too hard, for she tenses, looking back. But reflexes remove him in time to go unnoticed, sparing a glance as she retrieves her basket and goes on her way.

...interesting, indeed.

Tailing her is easy. If he had doubts of her being a shinobi before, he's utterly convinced now. She hardly has the wits of one, far too relaxed outside of the safety of Konoha. Too trusting.

And though the gossipers only gave her days in the village for her work, it's clear she's already known. Several conversations interrupt her on her way, forcing Obito to idle as he waits. A bit frustrating, but he can be patient when he needs to be. If she can lead him to the infected, he might find more clues about the Sanbi's involvement.

If there are any to be found.

It may end up a waste of his time, but...he can't afford to ignore a possible lead. And he can entertain himself with this medic's easy mistakes.

Maybe he should have just killed her on the road. It's almost embarrassing how defenseless she is. How soft. Something that cannot exist in this world. A world he will end.

...she had been too soft. And just as easily, she ended up dead, proving to him that this world – this system – cannot be allow to exist, if it results in the deaths of the good.

Lost in his brooding, Obito almost misses her movement, waiting a moment before he follows. Not that she'll likely notice him, anyway. Pathetic.

But eventually, she makes her way to the clinic, and he loiters against the building near a window, pretending to check a supply pouch. When the coast is clear, he forces the panes open a crack to listen.

“- found something that might help. I've got to mix up the poultice, but if it will work...we should be able to tell in a few hours. Just hold on a little longer.”

He can see her back, standing in the entryway. From there, she disappears into a room, likely to make whatever medicine she's come up with. With the door closed, he makes his move.

To avoid the sound of the latch, he phases through the wall rather than take the door. The sick are all bedridden, too addled by fever to take much notice of him. A hand peels at clothes and blankets, taking in the symptoms. He knows next to nothing of the medical arts.

Moving to a desk, he finds her handwritten notes. Flicking through them, there's little of interest...until the last page.

Tsunade-sama mentioned odd happenings at the lake to the north...maybe the water's been afflicted with something? It can't be the drinking water – that would leave the entire town ill. Perhaps it's topical, then...something picked up while swimming. That would explain why there's so much focus on the rashes and pustules on the surface of the skin – the fever is simply the body fighting back against whatever's causing the infection. From there, it must have just spread by contact or other swimmers. I know a few herbs in this region that can relieve rashes, but...we'll have to see if it's strong enough. I may have to trek up and get a sample of the water. From there, I -

It ends abruptly, likely due to an interruption. It should be enough evidence, then – at the very least, she suspects the lake. Certainly a place big enough for a bijū to hide, at any rate.

...only one thing left to do, then.

Before he can consider it further, the door clicks as it opens, and he slips through another wall toward the entrance. Even so, he lingers to her turned back, a large tub of a strong-smelling poultice in her hands.

“Here...you need to stand up so I can put this on.”

“Yes, Suigin-san...”

“Thank you – I appreciate you being willing to try it first.”

“Better me than anyone older or younger...I'll be fine.”

Hidden in a shadow, Obito watches the medic strip her patient, carefully applying a pale green cream to wicked patches of peeling, irritated skin. She's utterly focused, but her touch is clearly careful and feather-light.

“Just a few more spots...”

Once that's done, gauze holds the mixture in place, and she helps him into a clean gown – the other riddled with puss. “There...we'll give that some time, and see what happens.”

“Thank you, Suigin-san.”

“Please, just call me Ryū. No need to be so formal.”

Hearing her move, Obito slips through to the alley beside the building to avoid being seen inside or out.

...he should head back to Deidara and amass their findings. The blond's company may be irritating, but they have a job to do.

...but something is bothering him. About her.

People like her should not exist. In a world corrupted by the shinobi system and its violence...how has she lived so long? He could have killed her on a whim. It would have been easy. Unnecessary, certainly...and possibly creating a thorn in his side by calling attention to the area from Konoha...but if not him, they why no one else?

Why does she still live, and Rin does not...?!

There has to be something he's missing. She can't be as weak as she looks to be. Something about it irks him...so he makes up his mind.

A henge costs little chakra. His hair lightens, lengthens – lying flatter than his typical cut. It doesn't take much to wrap cloth over his missing eye, and the other is left dark.

The maze of his scars falls to an illusion. For the moment, he looks almost...normal.

Lowering his hood to his back, he tries to think up an excuse. Drawing a kunai, he removes his gloves and draws the blade over a palm.

Simple, but it will get the job done. Get him close enough to really look at her. See what she's hiding.

The blade slips back into his pack, and he grips his wrist before moving to the door. “Ah...is this the medical clinic...?”

Ryū turns to the sound of the chime, eyes widening at the blood that dribbles to the floor. “Oh! Here – please, sit down.” Not even bothering with a room, she turns a chair toward him, urging him to sit. “What happened?”

“Was rummaging through my pack...forgot the knife was in there.”

“Ah...well, accidents happen. This will just take me a few minutes.” She flashes him a warm smile, and something in his chest clenches.

When was the last time someone smiled at him?

And even then, he's hidden behind his mask since he lost Rin. Surely that is off-putting enough, let alone the marred surface of his skin he allows none to see. He feels...vulnerable without it, but a henge disguise is far better. Far more easily forgotten.

Broken from his thoughts, he watches as she works. Chakra seeps into the laceration, first mending the blood vessels to stop the flow. Once that's done, saline under her guidance gently washes his palm. The open wound bared, she feeds energy into the muscles and nerves, bridging the gap with careful work, greys utterly focused.

And all the while, Obito watches her, staring and searching for the answer: why is she alive?

Twenty minutes pass in absolute silence before Ryū looks up. “There...see?”

Fumbling to look from her face, Obito instead examines his palm. Not a trace of scar. “...impressive.”

“Well, I've been doing this a long time.”

The soft cheeriness of her voice nearly turns his stomach. “...are you a medic nin, then?”

“Well...in a sense. I do use medical ninjutsu, but...I'm not learned in combat. Just healing.”

“Really? Doesn't that worry you? Being unable to defend yourself?” How?!

“Well...I do have defenses. Barriers.” There's a slight hesitation that makes it clear she's not telling him everything. “I don't often need them, though.”

“Hard to believe in a world like ours.”

Cleaning up the blood, Ryū seems to hesitate. “...I don't often do field work. But...even then, I tend to have help.”

“But not this time...?”

Another pause. She's starting to grow suspicious – he's asking too many questions about her safety. “...not this time.”

Dropping the subject, he gives her a simple smile. “Well...thank you for your help. You do good work. And...you must be the one tending the locals?”

“Yes...though it's slow-going.” The shift in focus seems to help lower her guard. “...it has to be the lake water. Some kind of...bacteria. I just don't know why it would happen so suddenly...”

“I see...have you studied it yet?”

“No, not yet – I need to make the trip to the lake.”

“...I realize this might sound...odd. But I do take on odd jobs as I travel. Mostly as a guard. If you'd like someone to go with you, and watch your back, I could help.” Another false smile. “I do owe you, after all.”

Finished cleaning, Ryū stills as she considers it. “...if you wouldn't mind.”

“Certainly not.” Stupid, stupid, stupid! Trusting a stranger! He should slit her throat and leave her along the shoreline for being such a naïve fool...!

Even so, Obito keeps his calm. He has to head up to the lake anyway to find Deidara. Though what he'll do to lose her, he's still not sure. The itch to wrap fingers around her throat – to snap her neck as he so easily could – is like a tremor in his wrists.

Not yet.

She's talking, something about vials for samples, but he's not listening. He only stands and waits by the door, forcing a neutral facade as he reins in his temper. It shouldn't bother him so much – he's spent far too long putting plans into motion, maintaining his false identity. Risking being seen over something so trivial is unlike him.

So why...?

“All right...I think I have everything.” Tucking the strap of her leg pack, Ryū looks up, still smiling. “Anything you need before we go?”

“No.”

“...then I guess...we can head out.”

She seems a bit uneasy – is his torment that obvious? Forcing it down further, he follows her out toward the gate, and then north toward the lake.

A stiff silence falls over them, Ryū leading the way. Another foolish mistake, leaving him at her back. The number of times he can kill her – the methods, the ways – are what he counts as they move. And yet he also finds himself watching the skies, looking out for Deidara and his art. He may attack a lone passersby on a whim, and he doesn't want to be caught out of character.

...that's why.

Eventually, they find themselves at the lake as the sun wanes. Using chakra to stand atop the surface,  Ryū carefully dips several vials into the water, chakra seeping into the lake at large once that's done. Obito lingers back by the treeline, still watching.

“I don't think it's bacteria...”

Looking to her, the Akatsuki nin furrows his brow. “...then what?”

There's a hesitation. “It...it's hard to explain. But I think it's...chakra.”

Obito stiffens. Then...it really is the Sanbi...?

“I've seen something...a bit like this before, back in Konoha. A wound cause by chakra that refused to heal. It's different, to a degree...but that's likely because the source is, too...” She considers the vials, gaze caught downward.

It would be so easy...

Ryū gives a troubled glance aside, but then looks up to him with a sheepish smile. “...I'm sorry to have dragged you all the way out here. I guess there was little need – no one bothered us.”

“But they could have.”

“...I suppose.” She seems to slip back into a train of thought, but then something changes. The joints of her knees buckle, form slackening with a jerk.

“Wh-?” On reflex, he catches her. “Hey, what...what's going on?”

Ryū gives a groan, a hand at her brow. “I just...need some rest. Guess the hike up here took more out of me than I thought it would...”

“Seems like you need more than some rest.”

A humorless laugh crawls up her throat. “...I haven't been sleeping. There's too much to do...”

He stares.

It takes her a moment to notice, but she hesitates once she does. “...I...I'm fine. Really.”

“...foolish...”

His tone makes her stiffen.

Obito stands, lifting her behind the back and under her knees, single eye boring into her own with a deep scowl. “It's like you're asking to be killed. You leave yourself vulnerable at every turn...!”

Ryū's expression quickly turns to suspicion. He shouldn't know that much so quickly. “...I can handle myself.”

“Really? A medic, knowing no combat? I could kill you a hundred ways before even breaking a sweat.”

Her heartbeat's quickening, considering trying to break his hold, but not wanting to instigate a fight. “...but you wouldn't.”

“Oh wouldn't I...?”

“No. You wouldn't.”

“I wonder if I should – I'd be doing you a favor – not everyone would be merciful. Someone like you won't last.”

“And why is that?”

“Because the weak – the soft, the kind – are the first to fall.” His grip on her shifts, putting her feet to the ground and her back to the bark of a tree. Hands plant her wrists on either side of her head. “...all you can do is suffer. Your kindness is only something temporary – salve on a wound that never heals, ever growing. And then you die, and all your good dies with you. Goodness cannot survive in a world like this – kindness, empathy, love! This world is Hell. People like you don't belong here. And those incapable of goodness – people like me...we flock to those like you, yearning for something to alleviate what ails us. We seek pieces of your light to try to kill our darkness. But then you vanish...leaving an even bigger hole...!”

Pinned before him, Ryū lets him speak, staring attentively, but without fear. Only once he fades to silence does she reply. “...no one lives forever. More have died younger than I am now than I could count. But humans keep living, keep trying. Why should I do any different?”

“It's all fruitless, in the end.”

“It might be. But the only way to guarantee that nothing will ever change is to give up.”

Obito sneers. “...typical Konoha garbage. You're just like her.”

Ryū stills. So...it's something personal. He's lost someone. Someone...like her?

When she offers no retort, Obito leans his face in to hers. “...the way people look at you...they just want to take. Kindness is a foolish commodity. Something everyone wants, but so few have...so they take, and they take and they take until you're gone. Then they move on to another. Parasites”

She can feel his breath on her skin, but remains silent.

“...this world will devour you. Slowly. Painfully. Until you're finally put out of your misery. And for what? Nothing.”

“...maybe that's all I want. To give.”

He stares in disbelief.

“...I'm not a shinobi because I can't be. Nor would I want to. I am a healer, down to my very chakra. All I am meant to do is give until there's nothing left. That's my purpose.”

“So you blindly accept being used?”

“Just as you so blindly accept such a dark view of the world? We all have our convictions. I hold mine in the hope that things will get better. And even if they don't...it's far better to have faith than to wallow in misery until I die – that would be a pointless existence. My hope gives me purpose. What does your pessimism do?”

They reach an impasse. Obito finds himself unable to retort, too caught up in the way she's stubbornly staring at him with those damnable doe eyes.

He knows that look. Rin used to give the same stare, gently scolding him for his carelessness.

“I'm always watching, Obito.”

...that's what's bothering him. She's not Rin...and yet she's so ungodly similar, it's like looking at a ghost. Her appearance doesn't help, every inch of her bled of color.

There are no conditions. No hidden agendas. Just a healer fighting the tides of death and violence simply because she can...so she will. He lost the ability to understand such a path long ago, when he became death and violence incarnate. Everything he touches dies. That's just how it is.

He's torn between two polar feelings – wanting to crush her, knowing she'll only wind up dead in the end. A small mercy.

...and wanting to save her. If only because this time, he could. Rin was beyond his reach. It feels like some sick, second chance. Perhaps a strange kind of opportunity for redemption. If he could ever be redeemed.

...it's too late for that now...isn't it?

As he struggles with himself, Ryū just watches, making no move to escape or fight back. She's far too attuned to body language and the aura of chakra patterns – reading his inner struggle is easy. For the moment, he doesn't intend her any harm. She'll just keep still. Let him think.

“...I know the horrors of this world. I know its true face. And so I know that you're only doomed to disappointment and failure.”

Silence for a moment. “...I'll take my chances.”

“You'll only get yourself killed.”

“So be it.”

“It's easy to die. But what about the wake you leave behind? The grief? The want for revenge?”

Before she can stop it, Ryū gives a humorless smile. “...there is no one left to grieve for me. All I have loved, or who loved me...are gone.”

She lets the words ring into silence.

“...which is why, instead, I take what I'm missing...and I give it to any who need it. I might be something fleeting – a smile, a tin of medicine...” Her stare intensifies. “...healing a cut on the palm of a hand. None of it might matter in the end...but any moment of happiness I can bring is worth my time. Be it hours, days, months or years. Even if there's too much darkness – even if every act is quickly buried – I give it gladly all the same. Because one act of kindness can ripple out and change the world.”

Obito scoffs. “...you're a fool.”

“Better to be a fool with a heart than a genius with an empty chest.”

How can she be so stubborn...? He's presenting her with every piece of evidence to the contrary, and yet...she keeps spouting off nonsense. It's borderline infuriating.

...and yet nostalgically endearing.

Was he ever really this hopeful? Those memories don't even feel like they're his anymore – like looking back on the childhood of a stranger. A naïve fool.

...why is she making him hesitate? Calling back to when he would have believed her with shining eyes and a smile. He can't afford to think like that anymore. He has his convictions. His goals.

She is a distraction.

...one that's working.

Already mere inches from her face, Obito butts his brow to hers, confliction in his eyes. “...I told you...people like me only take from people like you.”

“...and I told you...I'm content to give.”

Ryū might not be afraid – she may have been trained to let go of her mortality – but that doesn't stop her heart from pounding in her chest, breath shaking in her lungs. But not because she's afraid.

No one's ever been this close.

Tension thickens the air like water. Breaths mingle, and she can just feel his lips ghost over hers.

And then the ground shakes, an explosion sounding in the distance.

In an instant he releases her, looking to the north where smoke and debris bloom over the treetops. An oath is muttered under his breath. Deidara. “...get back to the village.”

“But -?”

“Go! And don't come back. It's not safe.”

“What about you?”

Obito gives her a look over his shoulder. “I'm not the one you need to worry about. You got your answers, now get out of here.”

There's a moment's hesitation, looking to him in a muddle of confusion, concern, and some strange kind of longing before she turns back the way they'd come, sprinting back toward the village.

Watching her go, Obito eventually releases the henge, putting his mask back into place and removing the traveling cloak. By the time Deidara arrives, he's back to his ways.

“Ah, senpai! Find something?”

“Just a few straggler shinobi. Nothing to worry about, hn. But I did hear that Konoha is heading this way. We're going to lie in wait for a while, see what they do. They might just do the work for us.”

“Good plan, good plan!”

“What about you? What took you so damn long?”

“Ah, well...you see...” Playing bashful, Obito strikes a pose. “There was this pretty girl, and -”

“Oh shut up, I don't care – what did you learn?”

“Ah! Well, there's some kind of chakra in the water making people sick...maybe it's the Sanbi, ne?”

“It better be. I'm already tired of this. But I'd rather avoid fighting Konoha again.” Deidara scowls, clearly remembering his last run-in with the village nin. “...come on. We're going to find someplace to hole up and observe. And you'd better be quiet, hn.”

“Ah, yes! Quiet as a mouse, senpai! I'll hardly make a peep. You can count on it!”

“Just...shut up.”

Scrambling up atop the clay creation, Obito sits with his back to Deidara as they lift off. The trees are too thick, and they rise too quickly, for him to see her in the distance as the sun goes down. But he's glad for it – less chance of his partner noticing her.

A hand rises to grip the lower half of his mask, lost in thought for a moment.

That was foolish.

...yet he finds he feels no regret.

No matter. He won't be seeing her again. She'll scurry back to Konoha where she belongs. And should their paths happen to cross again...

...well. He'll deal with that when the time comes.

...if it does.

     Tagging Meg mostly because this ship is partially her fault xD I dunno how well this is written - I’ve done VERY little Obito outside of canon stuff of WHoH, sooo...this probably isn’t very good, lol - but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone.      Basically this is how I think the dynamic of them would be, in general, in Ryū’s default verse. She and Rin have their differences, but are admittedly still pretty similar. I think that would cause Obito a lot of confliction. And boy you know how she handles sad people: just kinda scoops them up, regardless of the consequences. One of her biggest flaws: too trusting, too willing to give people second chances, and too much of a sucker for people who are suffering.      ...especially hot Uchiha, as we all know x’’D      So yeah, this is more just...Obito in general than any specific MUSE of him, if that makes sense. And I doubt I write him very well, so maybe it’s super ooc. But I have shippy feels, okay? Leave me alone xD      Also it’s super long, but...setting the whole thing up so it has BACKGROUND just...took a while. And you know how much Ryū likes to talk. Good golly. Hopefully it doesn’t drag on too long. I tried my best =‘D      *throws this on the dash and runs away*

[monstercomics-blog1]

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