#update that nobody asked for :)

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

Took this at about 11pm last night. Couldn’t believe just how much files I had in my “Important Shit” folder… but then I remembered that it includes quite literally the entire video & photo archive of everything Million Dollar Extreme has ever created + hundreds of episodes of television shows… so maybe I could have done without the latter, but oh well. I’m also thinking there must certainly be a faster, more efficient means of backing up all stuff I want to keep than the Copy & Paste method I used… but I’m unaware of it. Because I realize when I talk about this debacle I’m having with my computer/what I’m doing to try and fix it that to people who know nothing about computers it must sound like I know what I’m doing; but to anyone who does know a lot about computers it must sound like I have no idea at all. But hey, at least I know enough about them to be aware of that lol

Anyway, all my files should be safe on an external harddrive by the time I get home today so as soon as I’m off work I’m gonna pick up one of those compressed air canisters that Steve O used to try and blow his lungs out with - but instead I’ll be using it to blow all the dust out of my computer. Once everything is looking as close to brand new as possible I’ll start trying to reconnect the graphics card, SSD, disk drive, etc.

Then she can finally get off of the operating table with a new lease on life…

Insallah.

But I’m not getting my hopes up. And regardless of how things go - I really need to get a new computer. Although unlike yesterday the thought of that isn’t stressing me out… like, ya it’s going to be expensive… but I’ll make it work. Yesterday I was just catastrophizing. I did some shopping around online last night and found out that I can get a rather top of the line computer financed at a rate that’ll be easily affordable even on top of the huge rent increase I’m going to have once I’m living on my own. But in the meantime I’ve still got a perfectly good PSU, CPU, RAM & graphics card - so worst case scenario I can just cobble together some Frankenstein’s monster of a gaming rig using another half built computer I have in my closest. Like, of all the components of this computer it’s the harddrive that has the shortest life expectancy (I think?) and I’m pretty sure that the problems I’m having are due it having almost reached the end of it. With the motherboard following closely behind it. So throwing together a new rig with the parts I already have seems like a good short term solution - and once I realized that I started to feel kinda ridiculous about how down & out I was feeling yesterday about the whole situation.

Oh ya, and the other case I have is much larger so that’ll give me a chance to start practicing cable management. Something the current computer is sorely lacking lol

[illustromic]

POV you come back from vacation to find that your kids are missing and nobody's handling it well ToT

Aka doodles from Phil's recent(ish) qsmp streams lol

[evansbby]

started writing more of my full length sugar daddy Ari fic and I’m so in love with it 🥹💞💓 but omfg it’s gonna be loooong bc I’ve planned multiple smut scenes and there’s a lot of dialogue heavy scenes and of course, plot and drama!!! I’m really just trying to cram everything into this to make it the most self-indulgent, sexiest, smuttiest, daddiest fic everrrr 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[ratcandy]

Big Huge Irritated Rant About The Latest COTL Update's Story Choices and the Implications

So the lore drop in the new Cult of the Lamb update, Unholy Alliance, pisses me off. The writer's confirmation of what that lore drop means pisses me off more.

Why? Because it's unnecessary recontextualization that was made pretty obviously in favor in one character in particular, and somehow in that process makes that very same character way less interesting. I think it's incredibly detrimental to the story and I will Explain Why in a second.

But before I do, I just want to put this out there: Prior to this update, my opinions on the Bishops and Narinder and that entire plotline were pretty neutral. I'm an NPC enjoyer, I spend my time thinking about that moth with two lines of dialogue. I did not previously have strong opinions on Narinder or Shamura outside of mild dislike for fandom treatment. So I'm not coming from a place of bias here (or at the very least I'm not trying to be). I genuinely, wholeheartedly, 100% believe this writing decision was unnecessary and the Wrong one to make, and I think it severely undercuts the original plotline because this was a retcon and one that sucks pretty bad.

Ok we're on the same page here? Ok awesome. Long rant ahead, and obvs spoilers for the Unholy Alliance update

So first, what the hell am I talking about? What part of the update do I not like? Let's clarify that first.

It's Shamura's dialogue. Like, all of it. For ease of understanding, here is all the dialogue I will be talking about:

"Ah... we gathered here, the four of us, a council of war and I the general. I have not forgot. I did not tell them that chains to bind a God must be forged of Godly matters. What matter of Gods? What matters of Gods? I have not forgot. The betrayal of kin, the breaking of spirits, blood spilled, his and ours. ...the sacrifice of what we had sacrificed so much for... ...shaped into shackles for our own brother. And our wounds always to weep. Such sharp claws..."

--

"He sought to break nature's own laws. Death was his, yet he placed his sacred duty in peril. His experiments... Experiments I encouraged. I am not... blameless. My soul, stained... yet I do not... Ah, The story. Yes the story... He wanted to open the doors between Life and Death, to... to allow their return. Those mere... mortals. Even though he knew their sacrifices, their faith, their fears sustain us. Death must be the end. Otherwise, what use would they have for Gods? They began to flock to him. What he promised, we could not match. He swelled with devotion... while we waned. Would he have let us perish? I could not take... the risk... the hunger... You are lucky there are none left to force such a choice on you. Hail, Lamb. Last God... lonely God... Ah... I feel... unburdened..."

And for fun, before anyone tells me I'm misinterpreting any of this or that it's left up to interpretation or is intentionally vague, Word of God (the writer of CoTL):

And it's this being Word of God that's spurred me into making this post to begin with. Because prior to this, I just seethed about this dialogue's implications in my server and hoped I was wrong. But now it's been confirmed what this means, and I'm . Disgruntled, to say the least!

And since I've started writing this post, there's been another addition made to further clarify parts of this. But I'm going to go over that addition more towards the end, because it also irritates me for separate reasons.

So, let's get this straight.

Prior to this update, the specifics of what happens between Narinder and the Bishops were pretty vague. We were told Narinder was "gluttonous in his ambition," per Shamura's previous dialogue, and that they "introduced him to ideas of change" but "Death cannot flow backward." Heket somewhat elaborates on this by saying he preached "heresy" and "noxious ideals" that would not be tolerated. Heket also notably refers to Narinder as a flat-out "monster." Narinder attacked his siblings and left them each with a big, symbolic wound. Then he was chained by the four of them, with Shamura the one to lead it (in their own words).

There's a lot of talk of betrayal, but before this update, it was unclear if the betrayal was meant to just be Narinder's experimenting with death (which even then was pretty heavily suggested to be resurrections) or the wounds inflicted upon his siblings. There's also a lot of talk of sacrifice, i.e. from Leshy if you kill Heket before him: "After everything we did. After everything we sacrificed. He will not be satiated."

Regardless, the picture this painted was of Narinder being this ambitious, evil, violent God that even his fellow Gods (Kallamar) feared and felt needed controlling. The idea that the wounds could have been in the nail in the coffin to this entire ordeal made sense; as they were obviously planned by Narinder to some extent (otherwise why be so intentional about who got what wound?) and a fair reaction to Being Mutilated would of course be to chain him.

Then of course there's the idea that the wounds were given while he was being chained and in self-defense, which only seems possible if you think Narinder could take on all four of his siblings at once like that and only manage to lose his claws in the ordeal (which was only revealed in this update to be something he's implied to have lost thru the relic). I thought this at first too, but realized it seems pretty impractical for that to have been the case if the wounds were also purposeful in who got what. I mean, sure, they could all be coincidentally symbolically appropriate for each Bishop, but I have doouuubts?

but now we're here, with this update, and all has been revealed.

And what's been revealed exactly?

Narinder's thing he was doing was indeed resurrections (we knew that)

Shamura encouraged him to do it (we also already knew this)

It seems like he did literally nothing else outside of that

His siblings got pissy about this because it made their domains purposeless and got all their followers to flock to him

"Would he let us perish? I could not take the risk" - Implies they literally did not even ask him

Shamura knew that in order to forge chains that could keep Narinder down, it would require a sacrifice of their bonds AND their flesh

They DID NOT tell the other Bishops this

Their wounds were requirements to chain him. They had to get the wounds they bear now in order to chain him. ONLY Shamura knew this. That means they allowed their siblings (and themself) to get attacked knowing full well what would happen. They may have even encouraged it, perhaps provoked Narinder into it, seeing as they knew the wounds were necessary to have him chained. (Or they just knew he would retaliate. Which, like. Yeah. They're condemning him after he went down a path they encouraged and, as far as we can tell, nothing else.)

And for... what?

In this version of the story, Narinder was experimenting with resurrections, and Shamura told him to keep doing that. Then he was successful, mortals turned to him, and his siblings (including Shamura, the one who told him to do it) got mad. That's it. That's their reasoning for chaining him. There's nothing else given. "Would they perish?" We have no idea. Is that how it works? Seems like Shamura doesn't know either. Or at the very least doesn't know if Narinder intended for that at all. Gives the vibe that literally no effort was made to talk to him and figure this out. They don't even really go down the "it puts nature out of balance!" path, which would at least have some merit, maybe. It's literally just "we are no longer sustained. What's the point of Gods in this world?" <- idk babe you had all the other ones slaughtered. So you tell me

And then Shamura just took it into their own hands, leading their siblings to their shared wounds (WITHOUT consulting them) and their inevitable destruction because of........... reasons, I guess. (I mean, if you think about it really hard, they probably also already knew what would happen following all this. With the lamb genocide and Narinder's resurfacing and etc. And they had their siblings wounded anyway. For no god damn reason)

And now why does this make me mad?

Because, honestly, in and of itself, there's not anything necessarily wrong with this added context. It's not contradicting anything in the main game. Shamura knowing what was needed makes sense, after all.

But it's... unnecessary. It screws up the motives and makes them more shallow, less nuanced, more... petty. Making gods petty is cool and all, I love doing that honestly, but in this case it just feels like a waste of potential.

But beyond all that. But most importantly.

This entire recontextualization of events REEKS of being made specifically to absolve Narinder.

I mean, come on. He's made out to be the victim, here. Shamura knew what he would do, knew what he would become, and knew exactly what would happen to their siblings if they sought to chain him (without doing so much as talking to him beforehand), and yet they encouraged it.

All blame is being shifted on Shamura. All Narinder did specifically against his siblings was inflict the wounds, which at this point seems to be hinted as self defense or a retaliation against threat or insult (assuming he was provoked into attacking, somehow). Because the wounds were part of the process.

And almost equally irritating, this seeks to arbitrarily absolve Leshy, Kallamar, and Heket as well, as they had no idea what the plan was and were just strung along. Which is just kinda worse, right? As far as they are aware, Narinder did just randomly attack them for no reason, and this wasn't foreseen, and surely couldn't have been stopped. All because Shamura didn't tell them any of it.

Shamura is being made into the big bad. Shamura is at fault for everything, for all of it. Narinder is a victim of Shamura encouraging him down a path they later condemn him for, their siblings are victims of Shamura and Narinder both (the latter of which could have been resolved at any point prior), and now any possible intrigue about Narinder being this big bad guy who tore apart his siblings due to his own ambition getting the best of him is ERASED.

It's GONE. All in favor of making him more sympathetic.

And sure, about a million different excuses could be made for Shamura, or could be used to headcanon whatever you want about exactly what happened. But with what we're given right now, just from the source, no attempt as made to stop Narinder before it got to this point. It is literally suggested they didn't even talk to him.

"Maybe they were too scared" - For the other three, maybe. Shamura is the eldest and clearly the most respected one, by Narinder as well (he holds some amount of respect for them even STILL. After EVERYTHING). They at any point could have stopped this.

"Narinder could still have been a bad guy outside of the attacks" - Sure, but we're given little to nothing on that front. In the old dialogue, literally all that's mentioned is the resurrection stuff and the wounds. Shamura is the one who said his ambition made a glutton of him, by the way. And hell, this isn't even touching the very real possibility that all of the Bishops (Narinder included!) are unreliable as hell.

"But Kallamar feared him even before his chaining, that suggests he was still a bad guy beforehand" - Sure, it could! But that's about all we get! And hell, in this new update, Kallamar's fears are fucked with, too. He states:

"Once, long ago, Followers would worship at my altar just to glimpse the beauty of my temple… of course, it could not last forever. Perhaps my siblings did not understand this, but I have always known. It did not make me less afraid. Cowardly Kallamar, ha…"

Here, it seems Kallamar's fears have been changed to be more about the decline of his temple and the loss of his followers, which was happening because of Narinder. He refers to Narinder's plans as "foolish" as opposed to... idk, horrifying, or threatening, or whatever. He also fully takes on the 'cowardly' title, giving the impression that his fears were somehow unfounded, which wouldn't make a lick of sense if Narinder indeed sucked ass outside of the wounds.

Not to mention he "didn't want to hear it" when Shamura "revealed the plan," but we know because of Shamura that they didn't mention anything about the wounds, so Kallamar didn't want to hear that they... had to chain Narinder? That's literally all he could've been told about the plan. Why wouldn't he want to chain Narinder if he was scared of him up until that point?? Doesn't make any sense!!! EDIT AFTER I POSTED: On reconsideration this might just be referring the lamb genocide plan, but that's hardly better, because now this update absolves Narinder, Leshy, AND Kallamar by making them blameless in everything (both Leshy and Kallamar expressed not fully understanding the plan for the slaughter or, in this case, not wanting part in it). What's up with THAT. Why is Shamura getting the blame for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

Anyway, my point is

This was a story decision made to make Narinder sympathetic. It's so blatant. And it's so, so irritating. It gets rid of so many potential cool flaws of Narinder and replaces it with "Actually, Shamura was the bad guy the whole time! Huzzah!"

And honestly, had the entire game come out like this to begin with, released at the start how it is right now, I don't think I'd care this much. But being added now, as an afterthought, after the fandom and devs alike have grown to favor Narinder above all others, it just...

It reeks of favoritism. It smells of revising the story to make Narinder more likeable. It's just erasure.

And for what. Like, I don't want to be That Guy, but I cannot help but notice that one of two nonbinary characters (outside of the Lamb/Goat themselves) is being this heavily demonized in favor of absolving a Man of his crimes. What's, uh. What's up with that.

Oh, and that addition by the writer I mentioned was made while I was writing this.

This was made after Jojo was questioned whether this was a retcon as to who caused the wounds, as this whole thing could also certainly be read as Shamura being the one to directly wound their siblings (which I didn't think was the case, but still).

"I don't know if they thought it would be so severe" - How do I put this in a nice way. This feels like a weaseling out answer. This feels like giving Shamura an out only after being questioned on this writing choice. How could they possibly not know how severe it would be. This spider is Knowledge. This spider has Foresight of some kind. And how do you not know what they thought. You are the Writer. If you want to clarify something like this you gotta say it with your full chest.

Not to mention a good portion of the fandom probably won't even see these tweets, so this context is all missing from the story presented in the game. This is Tacked On Context on top of already Tacked On Context. It's unnecessary retconning all the way down.

Anyway. I realize the fandom at large will not care about this, because (and I mean this in the nicest way I can manage) the Narinder favoritism in this fandom is already impenetrable, but for me personally? This retconning that was so clearly done out of that favoritism?

It ruined Narinder's character for me. More than the fandom possibly could have. I mean, if it's fanon, it can be ignored. But this was canonized. Because Narinder is the dev team's favorite guy.

And I can't stand it.

[isa-belle1367]

Imagine desmond manages to survive the end and has to go back into normal society.

Now, this is remembering the fact that Desmond has lived through so many lives that he can barely remember his own. Along with the fact that he is now part Isu due to his arm absorbing power from the eye.

I feel like due to him being part Isu now, no one would trust him. They would be able to sense something is wrong, that he's not fully human. But they are also weirdly drawn to him and feel compelled to do as he asks.

And when they look in his eyes, they see the lives of dozens of people. Millions of memories cramped inside his head to the point he could barely think. If you look into his eyes for too long, you can almost hear the crowd of voices.

He also has many weird habits. He is very picky about keeping knives sharp and always holds himself as if he's prepared for a fight at all times. Sometimes, he starts talking with an unfamiliar accent or will switch languages entirely, and they are almost never the same.

Or when he gets mad, the area around him reeks of ozone from his arm. One time, a guy was harassing a girl on the street, and his arm crackled and caught his hoodie on fire. He didn't notice until the guy ran away screaming "fire!" And when he realized, he just sighed, pulled off his hoodie, and stopped out the fire like it was a normal Tuesday.

Other times, he will randomly look over his shoulder as if someone called his name even though no one was there. He then just sighs, mutters something in a different language, and goes back to his conversation.

One time, you asked him to grab you something from across the bar and immediately disappeared into the crowd. You were completely unable to see him despite him being perfectly in view just seconds ago. You don't find him again until he taps your shoulder and silently hands you what you asked for. You have no clue how he managed to come up behind you like that. Especially because you were behind the bar, and you kept one eye on the only entrance the entire time.

[allurilove]

i’m literally so nervous to do a face reveal cause what if someone I know finds my account LIKE AAAAAAAAH it’s actually so over for me.

oh my god and the picture is so fucking huge tooo ogmfomdhsjsjsgsjskaodnesjsb 😭 anywaysssss

[boolger]

6 weeks clean from sh, sinners😎 we’re getting closer and closer to 50+ days

[yaralulu]

I have been given way too much power by being able to write whatever I want.Is it good? Probably not but the fact that something dumb I thought of is right infront of me written in a slightly eloquent manner is just so cool.Like I am currently writing something and I’m having feyre attempting to reconcile with lucien and I think it’s healing my soul frfr.

[omentranslates]

Not gonna bother titling this ok so at Momocon yesterday they showed a relationship chart that showed both the English and original Japanese text and I have some INSIGHTS (JUST INSIGHTS) about how they translated it and they're mostly superfluous but I have rabies about this anime SO

YOU CAN VIEW THE CHART IN FULL HERE AND IT'S FROM THIS SUPER COOL LIVETWEET THREAD BY QUINN

OK SO HERE'S MY OBSERVATIONS:

(+) in Knives's line about Vash the language implies that Knives believes Vash has already been brainwashed not that he's in the process of it and also that the brainwashing IS his love of humanity. Lit translation including every word: "Wants to save his younger brother who has been unfortunately brainwashed/mindcontrolled into follies such as loving humans" (does not specify that loving humans is the only "folly" actually uses particle that suggests there are others and Vash is doing multiple things Knives disapproves of (you could probably use a more normal word than folly like literally just foolish action but I like folly bc I think it has the same weird vibe as 愚 which is part of the word he uses in JP))

(+) in JP the same word is used for mindcontrolled in Livio's line is used for brainwashed in Knives's line about Vash

(+) part of Vash's line to Wolfwood is left out: "thinks he's an intrinsically good person AND wants him to be good again, Lit. translation "wants him to return from bad back to being good (of his own volition)"

(+) phrasing that they translated to irritable is 気に食わない, I JUST HAVE A DIFFERENT PREFERENCE I JUST THINK THIS PHRASE HAS A VIBE THAT GOES A LITTLE BEYOND "IRRITATED" my personal favorite eng equivalent is "unable to stomach" if it was my tl I would say: "because Vash's pacifist ideals run contrary to his own beliefs he cannot stomach them"

(+) the section they titled Fanatics in JP is 狂信者 (lit. fanatic, never seen 狂 used in a way that wasn't negative) instead of 崇拝者 (more positive connotation ig, lit. worshipper) and they seem to be using these terms kind of interchangeably bc they also in the description of the Eye of Michael use the word 崇敬派. Legato notably calls the cult 崇拝者 in episode 6 and Roberto uses 崇敬派 to describe them in episode 5 and I FEEL like I remember the subs translating that part to fanatical or fanatics or something equally negative but I can't remember and I can't check the episode for a while so don't quote me if I'm stupid I also don't remember where or if they say 狂信者 in the anime they probably do but I wasn't looking out for that one sorry this is literally just me rambling abt word association than something more comprehensive

OK THATS ALL I HAD.

TO BE CLEAR I DONT MEAN TO CONTRADICT ANYTHING THE OFFICIAL TEAM HAD TO SAY OR ANY CHOICES THEY MADE WITH THE TL NO DISRESPECT INTENDED WHATSOEVER I AM JUST YELLING ABT STUFF I NOTICED

[languagelearningcorner]

Language Learning Journey Update

It's been a while since I've been on Tumblr! In the months I've been away, I was focusing heavily on Persian and strengthening my skills in all areas of the language before I switch to a maintenance phase and pick up another language. During this time, I also got really into planning and journaling which has helped me better structure language learning in my schedule as well as reflect on how best to structure my time.

I certainly learned a lot from this time but the biggest takeaway for me is that my biggest pain point when learning a language is acquiring vocabulary. I tend to let it happen rather naturally (slowly) and while it's a valid method, it also leads me to stagnate and plateau. That's why, with the change in my language learning plans, I've also restructured my learning schedule (for, like, the millionth time).

Learning Two Languages Simultaneously

I was originally planning on (re)learning Korean after going through the intensive 3 months of Persian but recent developments in my professional life have pushed me to start learning Cantonese instead. My goal for Cantonese is mostly to reach a decent listening comprehension level and a basic speaking level.

Although I'm learning Cantonese from scratch, I feel that I still have a long way to go with Persian. I am not ready for a traditional maintenance phase, but I know I am close to burn out and have to dial it back. The schedule is structured around Persian and I fill the rest of the time I was using for Persian previously, for Cantonese.

ON/OFF Weeks System

This system was inspired by my need to find a different way to learn and focus on vocabulary while also avoiding burn out in Persian.

ON Weeks: These are weeks where I will be focusing on 1 skill in Persian in the mornings. For example, on Monday, I will be reading intensively (e.g., breaking down phrases, re-reading, translating, compiling vocabulary) for about 25 minutes. In the afternoons, I am working on getting exposure to Cantonese and learning the sound system.

OFF Weeks: These weeks involve only practicing the Persian vocabulary I accumulated during the ON weeks. I'll be re-reading them, defining or looking up words on Forvo, writing practice sentences, uploading them to HelloTalk, and correcting them. I also do some light, passive activities like listening while I clean something or reading for a few minutes without stopping to translate.

Off weeks don't really change much in the way of Cantonese. I will continue with my plan as is.

Maintenance languages: I do have to maintain French and Spanish, however, I am lucky that I interact with languages almost on a daily basis. When I foresee that a day may be void of one, I'll stack it with another hobby of mine (e.g., journaling in Spanish or reading in French).

An ON week coming up.

Tools pictured: Night owl by Owl Paper Co planner, Asvine P50 fountain pen, Tombow Fudenosuke hard tip brush pen, Zebra Mildliner highlighters

[mothmage]

vc picrew drop (all with this picrew) below bc im experiencing mental illness

wolfkiller lestat and rockstar lestat

nicki and louis

gabrielle and claudia

armand and daniel

marius and pandora

bianca and riccardo

maharet and mekare

mael and jesse

akasha and enkil

last three are sort of randomly put together but theyre all wearing capes so :) khayman, santino, magnus

[ky-rar]

It's pretty frustrating that lately I do want to draw, but I'm so completely lost as to what I want from my art. I can't decide on a style or a medium and switching between them every few weeks is also very unsatisfying. It just feels like I'm not making progress in any direction.

I've been focussing on other hobbies and I'm not completely sure when or if I'll get back into drawing more regularly. So we'll see.

[ox1-lovesick]

hi

[chuuyrr]

so um.. hi-

[kyber-moons]

houseplants? I guess you could say I own a few 🥰

[personasintro]

Listen I don’t wanna be that type of person that spreads negativity or affects you and your life negatively but it has to be said. You reply sasily to a lot of readers who are doing nothing more than asking simply when you will be able to update the next chapter of mh. It’s been three months since the last updat. I think that’s a good enough reason for readers to ask. And just bcz people ask doesn’t mean you have to be rude thinking you’re doing smth with your sassy replies. And everyone who says its ok mimi needs to stop kissing your ass. As readers we have a right to ask a simple question which causes no one any harm. And you as the writer have the right to take your time off for whatever you need. But there is no reason for you to be acting like that. Grow up and stop thinking you’re some untouchable god.

You see sassy replies, I see bunch of asks with zero empathy. I deleted and blocked the worst ones right away but I get many (way worse) asks like this:

After being away for days, this type of asks are the last thing any author wants to read. I’m sorry but you’re delusional if you believe the asks I’m getting are just simply asking about updates. It’s way more than that.

Yes, I chose a medium ask that could be considered okay for some, but it is not okay for me. Especially after I’ve been open about my struggles and life. It is not something I have a full control of.

And everyone who keeps being pressuring just needs to chill out and close this app. Read the story after it’s done or don’t at all.

I gotta live my life. So go live yours and grow up 🙂