#utot fanfic

[theimpurelily]

1: You Still Care

Word Count: 2,390

Notes: Second part of Forget-Me-Not

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Never in his life had Riftan ever felt such hatred for paper. Out of the countless correspondents he had written never before had he felt such trepidation toward putting his words on paper. There was no need for this, Riftan had long ago let go of any anxiety he felt towards his penmanship or grasp on the common tongue. So why, why after years of writing painfully boring correspondence for people he couldn’t tolerate, could he not write her one simple letter?  

It wasn’t for lacked of time, he had already been at Anatol for a few days now, having finally come home, finally away from the infuriated nobles at Drachium and finally away from Gabel and Hebaron’s constant pestering and ‘advise’ that he would never admit was possibly helpful. That not being said, part of him wished they had never opened their mouths. Their words did nothing but fill his head and dreams with visions of Maxi in ways he had never imagined before, leaving him too restless in the morning for his liking, like a teenager who couldn’t control himself anymore.  

It wasn’t for lack of content, not really, however nothing he had didn't feel suitable to write down. Telling her about the bandits they had dispatched on the way to Drachium might only make her worry and no force on earth could make him to tell her of the noble woman he had to kick out of his chambers on the first night they stated at the capital or how more than one noble whispered the word pagan not so subtly under their breath as he walked by.  

No, none of that was necessary to tell her. 

Riftan looked down at the letter in his hands, trying his best to ignore the several others that laid crumpled up or ripped apart at his feet. He knew he needed to finish by today, his men were already prepared to go for their possibly months-long excursion to remedy their money issue before he ‘ruined’ them as Ruth so eloquently put it. 

It was a necessary trip that he wasn’t looking forward to. 

No matter how hard he tried, some cruel force seemed to believe it necessary to keep him away from home. True, he would leave in a heartbeat if he knew the destination would lead to her, but this wasn’t the case and he desperately wanted to just be home for a moment. To have time to examine his lands and keep watch over the construction, to try and see some improvement in his work, to keep an eye on the people who had placed their loyalty so quickly onto his shoulders. 

As he rubbed his hand over his face with one hand his other started to run his thumb over the dried ink on the page, staying quiet for a moment before letting out a dejected sigh that echoed against the barren stone walls of his chambers. Out of every letter he had ever written, why did the one for her have to feel so…impersonal. 

It was a terribly short letter, with only real mention that he had arrived back at Anatol safe and on the progress of the wall's construction since she seemed interested in that before and made sure to inform her that he would not be home for some time, though he remained vague as to why and…not much else. 

It felt strange to write down anything of real detail. Part of him was still worried about the boy she had put her faith in with their letters. Until he felt secure, he didn’t feel the need to risk putting too much on paper. 

What good would it do if someone else read how painfully and pathetic he missed her? 

How often he found himself looking out at the barren garden and thought of her? 

How during his travels, he would catch himself remembering the feeling of her hair in his hands or how it looked shining in the sunlight as he watched the firelight dance. 

How badly he just wanted to hold her again, to be swept away by the sound of her voice or the smell of her perfume. Just let her presence sweep away the worries of the world where he could forget for just a moment of the people in Anatol who revered him in a way that  made his heart heavy, of Ruth’s worrying over his stay at Drachium or his constant nagging for them to figure out how to rebuilt his land before caused his fortune to run dry.  

He couldn’t stop the bitter laugh that crept up his throat as he set the letter down. He wished so desperately she was here, words always seemed to feel so meaningless. He would much rather show how he felt than write it down. But fate wouldn’t allow it, she wasn’t here, she would never be here. 

Without really thinking, Riftan slowly moved his hand to touch the stone hanging around his neck. If some day, he found the stone had turn smooth from how often he touched it he wouldn't be surprised. Lately he had found himself toying with it even when during the rare times he wasn’t wearing it and, more often than not, Riftan would wake up to his hand tightly clutching the stone, leaving little marks on the palm of his hand. He wouldn't mind if the marks never left, in some pathetic way it made him feel like there was some part of her that was there to greet him in the morning. 

He smiled a little at the thought of that, of being able to wake up with her face being the first thing he sees, her voice the first thing he would hear. Riftan felt his chest start to feel tight as he swallowed down any hope of that happening. 

She’ll never be here, just be thankful for what you are allowed to have.  

 Riftan let out a frustrated sigh as he eventually gave up and resigned himself to the fact that he would ultimately never be satisfied with any letter he sent off. A small part of him wanted to add in more, possibly tell her why he would be gone, however he felt a little…hesitant to do so. Though he knew there wasn’t any point in worrying. There was no need to make her worry or to think poorly of him that he had to resort to this, to hunting down monsters of the dragon subspecies. Harvesting the various profitable parts from high-grade monsters such as drakes, wyverns, and basilisks just so he could keep Anatol going for a year. 

Deep down, part of him knew she wouldn’t think that, there had been no look of disdain in her eyes when he mentioned him being a mercenary but still that small little voice, he had pushed down would still find its way back up, gnawing away at him each time he felt just a small hint of anxiety. 

Despite all this, the worry of his words and the wish to not put her in danger if the letter were to fall into the wrong hands he did give in and added one last line before sealing the letter. 

In the end the excursion was more than worth it. 

Not only had Riftan and his men successfully gone about exterminating drakes and other subdragon, harvesting them for everything they are worth, they had also been able to accept commissions from nobles to deal with other threats. At one point, Riftan even found himself taking part in a sword tournament held at the border simply for the prize money. 

To no one's surprise, there had been plenty of criticism thrown his way as he ‘lowered’ himself, tarnishing his knightly honor. It didn’t matter what faceless nobles thought of him, it wasn’t as if they held him in high regard before. They seemed to only see him for his skin, marking him as less than, an imposter who was blemish on their high society. 

Though he may have been forced to spend months away from home, away from the letter he hoped was waiting for him, Riftan was able to amass all the gold in Wedon’s southwestern parts. This, of course, made Ruth extremely happy. 

“Soon, we’ll be the wealthiest in all of the southern region!” 

Riftan was busy trying to not stare a hole into the neatly stacked pile of unopened letters waiting for him to go through while Ruth practically bounced with excitement as he opened a chest of gold coins. 

“By God, did you stumble across a grave of a hundred basilisks?” said the mage, his eyes sparkling. “How on earth did you manage to obtain so much treasure?” 

Riftan shrugged, his eyes darting between the mage and the letters. “A historical site. Just luck, I suppose.” 

“You’re like a bloodhound with gold, I tell you!” 

The mage chuckled as he weighed the coins one at a time, after which the servants placed them back inside the chest before taking them to the vault. Riftan watched the process, trying to keep his mind off the letters. He would like nothing more than to shoo away Ruth or simply take the pile of letters and rush off to go through them until he found hers. The only thing holding him back was the fact he didn’t wish Ruth to notice. He knew Riftan, knew he hated receiving any sort of letters since they nearly always called him away from home. For him to suddenly wish to drop everything to read one would only bring attention to it. So, he kept his attention on the treasure being taken away until Ruth spoke. 

“Do you think that site was the tomb of an ancient queen? Every other treasure beside the coins are all female adornments.” 

Riftan flinched ever so slightly. Ruth leaned forward to inspect an elaborate crown studded with emeralds, rubies, diamonds, and topaz. Next to it was a pile of bracelets, earrings, diamond necklaces, rings, silver hair ornaments, and a gilded jewelry chest. As the mage said, they were all items meant for a woman. 

After thoroughly appraising the haul, Ruth grumbled, “You should have just sold them and returned with more gold. These would be a tough sell to anyone but the big merchant guilds, and they never come to Anatol.” 

Riftan did his best to appear nonchalant as he picked a plum from a tray. “I don’t plan on selling them. I will keep them in the vault.” 

“It would be more useful exchanging them for gold,” Ruth said, frowning. “Never mind the exorbitant cost of the wall. Do you know how much it costs to employ all the sentries and servants at the castle? The wisest thing to do would be to keep this value in currency in the event of an emergency.” 

“We should have enough to run the estate for now. They say precious metals only increase in value over time. We can sell them when the need arises.” 

Though the mage appeared unconvinced, he redirected his attention to counting the gold coins as though he could not be bothered pursuing the argument. 

Riftan let out a small sigh of relief and picked up one of the earrings, twirling it so that the light would catch and play with the sapphire stone sitting within the dainty jewelry. It was true that at least some of these ornaments had been discovered at the site. Most, however, had been purchased. He knew he would never hear the end of it if the mage were to find out. 

How I spend my money is none of his concern , he thought in silent rebuttal to an imagined reprimand. He knew some of the items would be useless, any jewelry he gave Maxi had to be easy for her to hide, whether in her room or on her person. Looking back, he knew the necklace was a poor choice in that regard. It was far too bulky and the chain too short for her to hide with ease. As he placed the small earring down his eyes went towards the crown and he nearly shook his head at the ridiculous purchase, but he couldn't help but smile at the time as he pictured her wearing it. 

As soon as Ruth seemed satisfied with how everything had been sorted and handled Riftan made quick work in shooing the mage out of his office, ignoring his complaints as he shut the heavy door in his face. When he could hear Ruth’s footsteps fading away down the corridor, Riftan quickly spun around and tore through the different letters, reading only the first few words of each one until he found one with delicate writing. 

He couldn’t explain why, but just holding her writing, tracing his thumb over the small crease on the corner of the page possibly done by her made him feel so unbelievably happy. He hadn't even read her words yet, but he already felt all exhaustion and homesickness fade away as he settled behind his desk to read the letter. 

Riftan had to chuckle a little to himself, her letter was just as mundane as his though somehow it seemed twice as long. She didn’t seem to skip out on any details, telling him how the boy did exactly what he was told without any issues, of her days in the garden playing with the cat.

She even went on to tell him of all the different books she had read written and filled so many pages with just her favorite parts and asking a few timid questions on if some of the monsters in the books where accurate or not and quickly told him that she was trying to avoid going too high up the library’s ladders (though he remember telling her to stay off them completely). There were several parts where she seemed curious as to why he was leaving his home so soon, but her words felt cautious as if she could tell he was hesitant to say anything more. It made him feel slightly guilty but that was quickly washed away when he read the last line of her letter that made his stomach flip and his chest warm up. 

Please stay safe,

I miss you as well.

[ellery-six]

Oh, my husband is SO FINE :)))))

.

I finally got around to making Hebaron’s character reference sheet, I will make some #utot storybook pictures with him soon :)  I LOVE him, he’s the best! xx

[cuntastic-mrs-cunt]

writing sidina and hebaron is gonna be a BLAST!!!

[cinning-at-midnight]

Ahem, TW: Meltdown/Panic Attack content.

Riftan comforts Maxi during a meltdown/mental health episode.

Language is used to describe the emotions/impulses brought on by such an instance. Based loosely on my own experiences as a ND ADHD/Autistic adult. If this content may be triggering to you, please use discretion!

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My pulse racing, I touched my forehead, where a dull pain bloomed. I could feel a flush spread across my cheeks, as the realization hit me:

I'm having one of those "episodes" Father scolded and punished me for.

I thought back to moments ago where my stress was raised, and came away empty. Memories failed to form as I became swept away in a wave of emotion.

My fists clenched tight, and I knew I needed an outlet for my aggression. Before me, was only the stairs leading up to my bedroom.

My knees were weak, and with a huff, I clumsily slumped onto the floor. Often, I would get dizzy if I overexerted during a meltdown and I was grateful to be seated. Tired, but tightly-wound and cranky. So, so cranky!

My fist tapped the floor, but the sound and the action were not appealing to my senses. I slapped the floor with bare palms, and the tiled surface produced a clap.

Awash in my overstimulated state, I began fiercely slapping the tiles, and felt euphoria take away some of the edge of the frustration.

Footsteps echoed in the foyer and my eyes raised to meet his. My hands flew to my face and I stumbled to my feet, begging them to take me up the stairs.

However, in my urgency, I tripped on my skirt and hit my forearm as I fell. I grit my teeth tight and fought the urge to cry, but felt the sting of tears forming. Closer still, the footsteps approached, until a hand was on my shoulder.

"Maxi--"

A soft and gentle voice, despite my inappropriate behavior, caused my tears to fall. I could not make them stop, even as he carried me to the bedroom, and laid me on the bed. I breathed deeply as I could, to calm my sobbing. Riftan's voice would make me cry anytime he spoke. It was reflexive.

I should be getting lashes for this, Maxi thought to herself. No respectable lady behaves that way-- has outbursts like I did.

Warm, calloused fingers brushed my sweaty hair away from my face. I could not bring myself to look at him, because of my shame and emotionally fragile state. In the silent room, only my heavy breathing could be heard, as I begged my tears to stop.

Riftan sat with me the entire time, barely touching me, and without speaking. He must have realized that his words made me more upset. I was not able to stomach his compassionate concern.

"Maxi," Riftan whispered into my ear. I opened my eyes to see the room had grown dark, as though it was late into the evening. A bath had been brought into the room, which was further evidence I must have fallen asleep at some point.

"Let me bathe you," he said, almost pleading.

"You're covered in sweat and your tears. I don't want you to catch a cold."

Weakly, I nodded. Riftan made quick work of undressing the both of us, but I could tell he was using a more delicate touch than usual. He washed me as I curled my body into his lap, resting my head on his chest. I let the warm water ease away the last of my emotional and physical tension.

"Maxi, can we talk about it?" He asked.

I chewed on my bottom lip and neglected to answer.

A feather-light kiss touched my shoulder. "You looked so pained, and I want to know why." Riftan murmured his words into my damp hair. I squirmed where I sat, and reached forward to the opposite edge of the tub. His arms tightened around me, coaxing me back against his chest.

"Please, talk to me." Riftan said.

I exhaled heavily, "I-it happens from t-time-to-time. I d-don't always k-know when it i-is about to h-happen."

Riftan grabbed my hand under the water, gently squeezed my fingers, and kept holding our hands together. "What is it?"

I considered the question and the many ways I could possibly answer. At last, I said, "A-an e-episode."

Unsatisfied, Riftan turned me to my side, while in his lap, so that I was able to face him. I could see the crease between his eyebrows, and I again thought of a reply.

"It's s-similar to p-panic, but it c-comes out a-as anger at t-times." I threw my face in my hands. "Th-this is m-mortifying."

He brought my hand to his lips, and gently kissed it. "Thank you for telling me." Riftan reached for a towel and began to stand and dry us off. He helped me out of the tub and I felt even more vulnerable than usual. Like I had exposed more of myself than I thought was capable.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked me, when I was dressed in my night clothes and he was brushing the knots out of my hair.

"Mm, b-better," I responded. "T-truthfully, it can t-take a long while for m-me to feel n-normal again a-after I've…"

My voice trailed off as I remembered the intense emotions that I was displaying while Riftan watched, unbeknownst to me. I looked down, and bunched my hands into fists on my lap.

"I-it's okay. I c-can b-brush my h-hair," I muttered and turned to take the hairbrush. My hand outstretched, but lay empty as Riftan refused to give me the brush. I tilted my gaze up, away from the floor, and looked into his eyes. They looked so pained and worried. I could feel how empty of expression my face must have looked, as I was emotionally drained.

"Maxi, I--" his lips pursed tightly closed, and I looked away. "I worry about you. I know you know that. Maybe it's overbearing of me, but at least for tonight and tomorrow, will you let me take care of you?"

My shoulders gently shook as the most silent tears fell onto my nightgown. Riftan wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and then continued brushing my hair until there were no knots. When he was done, he let me lay on the bed as he asked the maids to bring our meals.

His worry must have been palpable even to the castle staff because of his gentle and tired voice. Riftan grabbed extra blankets to keep me warm, and the added weight was nearly comforting enough for me to pass out immediately. My eyelids grew heavy and he kissed my forehead.

"Rest for a bit. I'll wake you when the food is ready." I could feel his weight leaving the mattress and my hand reached for him. "P-please, s-stay." I said softly.

"I don't want to disturb you," Riftan replied, hesitantly.

"N-no. You m-make me f-feel s-safe." I muttered in my tired speech.

I could feel him quietly chuckle, as he lifted the blankets to join me. "Whatever the lady wishes."

[witheringvoice]

okay so the way i wr---

we have to stop everything a piece of granola bar casuallly fell out of my hair. I HAD A GRANOLA BAR LIKE AN HOUR AGO--

anyway i write stories by calling upon a hyperfixation that inspired me. because it's theonly thing that ca keep enough focus for me to actually work on it, right? (sometimes it fucks me over when i have a short hyperfixation BUT IT'S FINE---I'll finish it eventually...)

sometimes to keep my focus I have to use names from said hyperfixation or blah blah blah. whatever i can do, correct?

THE THING IS---it isn't fan fiction. BY ALL MEANS I FUCKING LOVE FAN FICTION (when it's not terrifying and gross and---yeah), I learn things through weird ways. but what i write isn't fan fiction.

i see a plot, a world basis, and be like. "okay that's great, i love it...but i want to witness this-" and then poof different plot, more chaos, similar worlds, different characters, same names. I mean I can't come up with a billion names and none I can get quickly attached to. so it's my way of doing it. I mean doesn't mean I don't write actually fan fiction--BUT STILL!!! UTOT, IVVDG, AT, DG, none are fanfics. DLT, H, OBOC...Those are, 100% fan fiction.

[slytherinmymind]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 상수리나무 아래 | Under the Oak Tree (Webcomic) Summary:

A year after her wedding, Maxi has yet to hear from her husband and starts to lose hope she'll ever get out of Croyso Castle. Meanwhile, Gabel Lachzion is sent to Drachium Palace to coordinate the arrival of the king's soldiers in Lexos Mountains. On his way back, he decides to stop by Croyso Castle to try and convince his Lady to stop rejecting her husband's demands and move to Anatol. After discovering the truth of the Lady's life in her father's castle, Gabel impulsively promises to keep her secret. Only after being back to Lexos Mountains does he realise he'll have to lie to his commander and let the other knights disrespect her to honor his promise. Or, what could have change if Maxi had made a friend amongst the Remdragon Knights?

I am so proud to post the first chapter of my new fic, even if it is not Harry Potter-related. I feel like the fandom of this manhwa is slowly growing, and I love the idea of being an active part of it!

[persephinae]

anyway if you enjoyed UTOT manhwa you'll definitely enjoy my fanfics

A Flower for Yuna (Ghost of Tsushima)

Sacrifice (Doom Eternal)

Also please read my Mass Effect one shot:

There Will Also Be Singing in the Dark Times

[theimpurelily]

Meet Me in the Garden

Summary: Riftan Calypse promised to live by his step-father's words. A grub should keep to the ground. Looking higher will only bring misfortune. However, when he sees Maximilian Croyso after ten long years the look in her eyes makes him dare to hope.

Would it really be so bad to look up?

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mention of suicide, child abuse and racism

Status: Complete

A/N: The first part of my series Forget-Me-Not. The story starts at chapter 22 of Riftan's POV. Click the name of each chapter to get a link to the song the chapter is named after if you're interested.

I posted part 1 in bulk but part 2 will start up on September 18th with a new chapter every Monday

Update:

I posted part 1 in bulk but part 2 will start up on October 2nd with a new chapter every other Monday

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

[theimpurelily]

A Pitiful Girl

Word Count: 2,296

Notes: Feel free to skip this chapter if you wish to remain completely in the dark on Maxi's view of things

Warning: Abuse and mentions of child abuse

< Previous | Table of Contents

When Maxi was just a girl, she realized that the only memory she had of her mother was a pale gaunt face, staring at her with sorrowful eyes. It made her heart twist with guilt. She couldn't recall the voice of the one person who could have possibly loved her if given the chance. 

That night she had tried to ask her nursemaid, Joana, to tell her stories of her mother but the older woman would only go on about how dreadfully sick her mother was, giving Maxi enough detail of her mother's miscarriages to turn her stomach before changing the topic. 

It did nothing to settle her guilt. 

If Maxi had been born a boy her mother would have still been alive, the servants wouldn't look at her with such indifference or pity. Rosetta might not have been born but that would mean she wouldn't have a sister that would ignore her and maybe her father wouldn't look at her with such hatred. Even if she was still a stuttering fool, she'd be a man, an heir with some worth. She would have been able to travel outside the castle, see the world and meet people. 

She could have grown up feeling loved. 

But she wasn't born a boy, so her mother died trying to bear a son, leading him to remarry and giving her a sister who he loved while she was tossed aside, useless, hated and unloved by everyone but her dead mother and a nameless boy. 

It didn't matter how many times Joana tried to convince Maxi that he never existed, that it was her father's knights that rescued her that day. She would forever desperately cling onto her memories of that boy. 

She may have forgotten so much of her mother, but Maxi was determined to remember him. 

He was the first one since Lady Arian that cared for her, not out of duty or obligation, but out of kindness. He didn’t need to risk his life for her, nor did he need to take that silly little flower crown, but he did. 

Even now, she could close her eyes and remember the feeling of his hand rubbing her back as he ran to get her help, could picture him working at the forge as the light of the fires reflected off his dark eyes. The way he smiled as she danced with joy when he accepted her little gift. 

After he disappeared Maxi kept the memories of the boy with the kind eyes close to her heart. When she had turned eight and her father realized her speech would never improve, when the whip would break her skin, she would close her eyes to the pain and picture the boy rushing in and carrying her away just like he did before. 

As she grew older so did her image of him and when she started to read stories of gallant knights risking their lives to protect their lady love she began to picture him as her knight in shining armor.   

It was a foolish thought, she possessed no enticing qualities that could win someone's heart and yet, each time she was in that room, her mind would go to him. 

Over the years, Maxi slowly started to create a life for him. Fooling herself to believe that he had left to become a knight, wishing to save people from monsters like he had saved her. He would have grown up to become strong and brave. He would always be safe and happy. He would never be cruel. He would be nothing like her father. 

It made her feel so pathetic and worthless. Yet, it was fitting. Who else but a stuttering fool would end up falling in love with a memory. 

For the longest time she thought he would remain just that, a faint memory to fall into when she earned her father's ire. So, when she saw him again, standing there in her father's castle, it didn't feel real. Maxi was sure she had just imagined it, confusing the man for the boy. It wasn't as if his rich golden-brown skin and raven hair was so unique. 

But then she saw his eyes. 

There was a coldness to his dark eyes and yet, when he looked at her should vividly remember once seeing them filled with warmth and kindness. 

It had to be him, and when she left her father's side, she repeated his name like a prayer until she finally found it in her father's old records. 

Maxi couldn't help but break down and sob, he truly was real. The boy in her memories had returned, as a gallant knight just like she had dreamed of, and he remembered her. 

He actually remembered and when he carried her through the woods it felt as if she was living her dreams of him stealing her away. 

Despite the scary expression he would often wear while around others, Riftan was just as sweet and kind as she had imagined he'd be. When he laughed and smiled, he looked so young and when she gifted him with the necklace or the simple kiss his face became flushed making her heart race. To think, someone like her could cause a reaction like that. 

Maxi had never felt this way before. Her father has always called her worthless, the disgrace to their house, an unsightly pitiful girl. But with Riftan, those words could be forgotten, even for just a moment. Not once did he mention her stutter, not once was he cruel to her and when he touched her it was so gentle and sweet as if she was something to be treasured. 

When the rain came the dream began to crumble beneath her feet. Riftan had started to pull back, no longer attending the banquets and soon her father's attention was drawn to her as he discovered her talking to the noblewoman. 

Her punishment was quick but harsh and for once she didn't wish for Riftan to storm in to rescue her. Nothing could be worse than him seeing her like this. A beast bloody and groveling on the floor. 

When it was finally over, she was left sobbing as her back continued to ache for several hours despite the lashes being healed before her father even left the room. 

Whatever confidence that had built up over the weeks had been torn apart within a few days. Her father had reminded her what she was, and she started to believe that Riftan had finally had enough of her. 

The only thing that convinced her otherwise was how he treated her in the library. He acted as if he hadn't been avoiding her, fretting over her climbing ladders and showing her the lands he cared so much for. 

When he suddenly held her, she couldn't help but break down as his large hands gently touched her back, warming up the cold lingering there from the hierarch's spell. 

Even if she was wrong, she wanted to desperately cling to the thought that she might mean something to him. 

It's why she felt the need to reach out for him, to not lose that warmth. Even if it would be fleeting Maxi couldn't lose him again, not when she finally was starting to feel loved. She didn't care how true his words were, that her father wouldn't allow this, that he would be leaving. 

For the first time in her life, Maxi wanted to be a little selfish. 

When he kissed her, it was so different from what she had read. There was nothing sweet or chaste about the way Riftan made her feel, as if he created a small flame that was slowly building up inside of her until he left it raging. It was so intense, making her panic at times as it felt like she was drowning in him, but she couldn't help herself. Despite all her teachings, raised to act like a noble lady all pure and proper she still craved his touch. Wanting to melt into his arms as he kissed her neck.

The hold he had over her was almost frightening. With his strength he could so easily overpower her, harm her and yet his touch was always tender and loving. Even at the times when he seemed to lose himself in the kiss she didn't mind. There was a forbidden thrill in the feeling of him holding her so tight, of his searing kisses, of feeling so wanted by someone. 

While she was with him it was like she was in a different place, one where she felt safe and loved where she could ignore the fact he would be leaving soon, and she would no longer be held in his arms. But eventually she had to be forced back to her cruel reality. 

It took everything she had not to break down and cry on her way back to her room, her body still remembering his touch as they danced.

It wasn't until Joana had left after consoling Maxi for having to dance with 'that man' that she finally broke and sobbed so hard that she threw up. 

She wanted to run to him, to beg Riftan to take her with him, but the fear of what her father would do to Riftan kept her paralyzed. 

The day after he left Maxi could already feel the castle turning cold again, as if Riftan had taken all the warmth and life from the stone walls making them feel haunted and empty as the knight's step echoed around the corridors leading her to that room. 

She knew this would happen, that she would end up in this room when he left. Each time she met with him, each time she was late, each time she smiled while dancing with him. It was just one more excuse for her father to call on her. 

The duke of Croyso was already there when she entered, sitting in his chair with his can resting on his lap. 

“Turn around and undress,” the duke commanded coldly before the door even had a chance to close. 

Knowing better than to make him wait. Holding back her tears, Maxi did as she was told, quickly turning around and undoing the lacing of her dress before pulling down her bodice with trembling hands. 

“What was the one thing I requested of you?" Maxi felt her blood run cold at his harsh tone. 

"Th-th-that I-I r-r-rema-" 

"Enough." The duke struck the floor with his cane, and Maxi promptly closed her mouth. "Perhaps it was too much to ask of you. How could I expect an imbecile to follow a rule they can't even recite properly." the duke spat out, his voice dripping with contempt. 

"One month, that's all I gave you and look what happened." Maxi continued to look down as she clutched her dress to her chest, willing herself not to flinch at the sound of his steps drawing close. 

"The humiliation you have brought to this house, gallivanting around while letting them hear that wretched mouth of yours." 

"I-I'm s-s-s-." 

Maxi couldn't finish, cut off as he struck her with the cane, sending a sharp pain over her knee as she collapsed onto the floor. 

"I said enough. I will not hear a single word from you." He struck the can down over her hand, pinning it to the stone floor and causing her to cry out. 

"Understood." 

Maxi quickly nodded and as her father slowly stepped away from her, she brought up her wounded hand, cradling it as the pain pulsed, matching her frantic heartbeat. 

"Do you understand the rumors that I have to hear thanks to you, questions about our family's health!" 

Maxi's whole body started to shake, it had been years since she had heard him be so furious with her and when she dared to glance up her stomach sank as she watched him reach for one of the more curler crops. 

"What was worse was that little dance." she could hear the leather creak under his hand. The sound made her feel cold as her eyes darted towards the door. Despite no longer wishing for him to rescue, dreading the thought of him seeing her like this, some small part still prayed he would magically appear, bursting into that room and taking her away. 

"The pure insolence, to make me watch a member of my house dance with that low born thing!" The duke’s chest heaved as he yelled out while raising the crop high into the air. 

For a moment Maxi felt a rush of pure anger towards her father's words, but before she could even think to react, she felt the skin of her back start to break open. 

As she laid on the floor, she tried to cling onto the memories of him, of his touch, his words, his kind eyes. As if those moments with him could save her from the pain. But no matter how hard she clung onto those moments, one look in the mirror crushed them. 

You must know how beautiful your smile is. 

The sweet memory made her sob harder as watched the woman in the reflection, bloody and beaten, completely unrecognizable to the lady Riftan pictured her as. 

As her father left her where she laid and the hierarchs healed her torn back, she closed her eyes to the pitiful girl in the reflection. 

Even if he never came back, even if he finally saw her for what she really is and never sent her a letter, at the very least she would never forget him. No matter how much her father tore her down, he could never take away that, for just a moment, she finally felt loved.  

[theimpurelily]

To Remember You By

Word Count: 5,057

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“D-do you l-like d-dancing?”  

Riftan winced at the question, not even a few seconds after they met up and she was already bringing up that dammed dance. He shouldn’t be surprised by it; he did tell her he would refuse to dance with that woman. Which he would have if it wasn’t for Ursuline being there along with the fact she would have caused a scene if she had been refused.  

“No, and I didn’t enjoy having to do that.”  

That answer didn’t seem to satisfy Maxi as she continued to look morose while pulling at thread that had come loose from her muted green sleeve.  

“She was starting to cause a scene.”  

"I u-understand.”  

Riftan ran a hand over his face as he sighed, he could feel himself getting irritated, though it was mostly at himself. Once again, there was just a twinge of excitement at the fact she was jealous. Still, he didn’t want their last conversation to be about that leech of a woman.   

Slowly, Riftan reached out to take her hand in his and bring it up to his lips. "I would have preferred to dance with you." 

She finally looked up at him for a moment and Riftan was relieved to see she didn't look as upset as she had just moments before. However, she was starting to look nerves at the mere thought of dancing. That didn't make sense to him. Didn't all nobles learn how to dance or was that a lie told to him by his commander. He thought for a moment that perhaps she just didn't like dancing in public. However, another reason came to mind as a bitter feeling started to sink into his stomach. As much as he knew it wasn't true, the thought that she just didn't want to be seen dancing him wouldn't go away. 

"Unless you don't want to." he murmured, trying to keep any emotions from his voice as he gently brushed his thumb over her knuckles. 

"It's n-not th-that. It's j-just...m-my father, he...he would n-never a-allow it." 

"Not with anyone?" 

Maxi didn't hesitate to shake her head no and Riftan hated how much better that made him feel, that it wouldn't just be him that the duke would shield his daughter way from. 

"W-would you..." she spoke up but quickly stopped herself while looking down, it was kind of cute how embarrassed she was by the cut off question. 

"Would I what?" 

"Y-you said you d-don't l-like...dancing." she mumbled, and he felt himself smiling, getting a feeling of what she was trying to say. 

Riftan truly wasn't sure if Triton would even be able to do what he hinted at. He was doubtful, but his commander was just as stubborn as he was, so there is a possibility. Still, Riftan held off on telling her about the possibility of them dancing. 

There was no need to get both of our hopes up.  

"I'd enjoy doing anything if it's with you." he confesses while using his free hand to brush her hair over her ears. 

"E-even, e-embroidery?" she asked with a shy smile. 

"I can’t promise I'd ever be good at it, but I'll try if it’ll make you smile like that." he answered with a light chuckle. 

Maxi tilted her head to the side, causing the newly tucked away hair to fall from behind her ears. 

"Like wh-what?" 

He smirked as he watched her hair dance around in the wind. Riftan didn't know how much his answer would make sense. He knew her smile could brighten up any room and it always seemed to make her eyes shine. He also noticed that she would sometimes blush when she smiled, turning her freckles into specks of gold while her crimson hair resembled the clouds during dawn. 

She was like the sun.  

"You must know how beautiful your smile is, Maxi." he finally replied, not fully answering her question as he took hold of a stray curl. 

Maxi looked genuinely surprised by his words, it was something he couldn't fathom. As much as hated the thought, he knew there had to be moments in her life where another man had complemented her or given extravagant gifts worth her weight in gold. Unless...would her father keep her away from them? 

Riftan twirled the curl around his finger as he thought back. She had never left the castle grounds before and her father forbade her from dancing with anyone. Could the real reason why Maxi isn't at court be due to her father's over protectiveness? A way to keep his daughter from being courted by anyone? 

Before he was able to theories anymore, Riftan felt Maxi's reach out to cup his face in her hands and all of a sudden, his whole world became solely focused on her again. He wouldn't be surprised if one day he learned she could cast magic with the way she could so easily put him under a trance. 

Slowly, he allowed her to pull him down closer to her flushed face. He couldn't hold back the smile as he watched her eyes dart to his lips before placing a quick kiss. Riftan didn't give Maxi the chance to pull away as he quickly brought up a hand to hold onto the back of her head, keeping her lips against his own. He didn't hesitate to kiss her back with more heat and less innocence compared to her little chaste kiss. 

He liked to think she had kept her hair down in anticipation for him to run his hand through her curls as her own went from holding his face to wrapping around his neck. He wouldn't be surprised if they completely melted into each other with how tightly they were holding onto one another. 

He would miss this; he didn’t know if he could survive going a day without feeling her body against his or tasting her lips as she slowly grazed her nails against from the back of his head down to the nape of his neck. Every little sound and movent from her only seemed to make his body crave more of her until it ached. It wasn't until he lightly bit her bottom lip that she let out a moan which sent a shiver down his spine and made him lose control. 

Unwrapping his arms from her Riftan swiftly took hold of her waist and hoisted her up so he could pin her against the nearby tree. The new height difference allowed for a better angle as he started to assault her decolletage with little bits and kisses. However, as one of his hands started to move from holding her to gilding over her rib cage and up towards her breast that he felt Maxi start to pull away. 

The little moment of resistance from her snapped him back out of his craze. Letting out a slew of curses under his breath, Riftan quickly pulled away from her and set her back down firmly on the ground. 

"R-Riftan?" 

Letting out a shaky breath, he glanced down at her and forced himself to hold back a groan. Maxi was still breathing hard with her hair a mess and her face flushed. Even part of her dress had been pushed away from her shoulder to expose more skin along with the edge of her shift. If anyone was to see her right now, they would have assumed he had fully taken her. 

Riftan tried to keep his breathing steady as he reached out to fix her dress. He could almost laugh, judging by the surprised look on her face, she wasn’t the only one that didn't notice how he had started to push her bodice down. 

"I'm..." his voice came out a little too horse and he cleared his throat. 

"I shouldn't have done that." 

There was a small pause, which he was partially thankful for as it gave him time to cool down...until she shocked him with a simple question of. 

"Why?" 

He had to process what she had just said for a moment. 

"You...last time you didn't like that. You told me to stop, remember?" Riftan was pretty sure he was the only intoxicated one that night. 

She looked away and started to play with her hair, making the curls even fluffier. 

"I w-was s-surprised...and i-it w-was...unexpected but..." She glanced up at him before looking away. "I didn’t h-hate it" 

A loud crack rang out as Riftan closed his eyes and smacked his head against the tree. 

Maxi started to fuss at his sudden action but he held up his hand to stop her, not needed any distracting as he started to try and recite the oath he took. It was the only thing he could think doing at the moment to keep his mind from picturing certain things brought on by the fact she didn't hate him pawing at her like that as he pushed himself against... 

"Fuck."  

Riftan opened his eyes to look down at a worried looking Maxi. With her hair continued to be a delightful mess and her face still red she brought up a hand to touch his forehead, gently removing it from the tree. 

The timid yet kind gesture pulled at his heart but as he brought his hand up to brush a thumb over her lips the bells started to ring out. 

Despite knowing she needed to go, despite her telling him before she couldn't be late, Riftan quickly pulled her in for one last kiss. 

It ended too quickly as she placed her hands on his chest to push him back. 

“I h-have to g-go.” 

Riftan answered her by shaking his head and kissing her again. 

Just a little more.  

Maxi didn’t seem to like that answer and moved her face away. 

“R-Riftan, please.” Her voice was small, and he could hear it shake slightly. 

Sighing, he brought her in for one last hug, holding her tightly as he kissed her temple. His only solace was the fact that, despite her words, she also seemed hesitant to slip out of his grasp. 

As befitting for the final victory banquet, the cavernous space was lavishly decorated. Gold adorned the walls, and the lilting melody of a lute floated through the air. Nobles in their most extravagant finery sat along tables full of fragrant wine, rich food, and fresh fruits.    

Not even a second after he entered the hall Riftan could feel the banqueters' eyes on him, gawking at him as they do every night as if he were a crow in a peacock cage. He had tried to ignore them and joined the Remdragon Knights at their seats. No one could say he didn't attempt to enjoy himself, but his mind and eyes kept wondering toward where The Duke of Croyso, in an ostentatious display of fur and silk, sat overlooking everyone at the head of the table with Maxi by his side. Her dress was an elegant velvet in a deep red that showed off her shoulders with her hair pulled into an elaborate braided bun. 

His heart instantly started to ache as he watched her glance at him before looking back down with her shoulders hunched. It took all of Riftan’s willpower not to stare at her for too long, but the gloomy aura she was giving off made her difficult to ignore. His mood was in a similar state and refused to improve. It didn’t help that the ladies from around the room seemed to focus on him more so than the usual amount. No doubt it was a result of last night's dance. It was to the point where both Hebaron and Gabel couldn’t keep up. Riftan wasn’t sure how or when but at some point they roped Ursuline to dance with the ladies. 

The whole thing made him feel oddly paranoid, as if this was some part of Triton's plan so when he got the chance, Riftan snuck off to hide in the corner of the large room. It thankfully worked for a while with the only ones who seemed to notice him for a moment being a servant who had brought him another goblet of wine and an ecstatic looking Gabel. 

Riftan watched said goodby to the lady he had been entertaining before he approached him while expertly dodging those dancing beneath glimmering candlelight to the bards' songs. 

"Enjoying the festivities, I see."  

"I'm trying to avoid another scene." said while taking a sip of the expensive wine.

Something about the tone of Riftan's voice only made Gabel nearly snort in laughter. 

"Ah, yes, the lady Duranne. Quite the stubborn woman. You know, if you had stuck beside Sir Hebaron and I that could have been avoided." 

"I'm aware." Riftan grumbled as he side eyed Gabel. "How long have you been doing this?" 

"It began when I started to get a feeling you were interested in one of the ladies here. At first it was to see if you would react to any of the women I flirted with.” Gabel let out a sigh. “I was disappointed when it looked like you didn't even notice it."

"So why keep it up?" 

Gabel casually shrugged. 

"I was having fun but I'll take you finally noticing as a thank you." 

Riftan shook his head and laughed despite himself. 

For just a brief a moment there was a peaceful silence between the two of them and Riftan nearly got the idea to ask Gabel about Triton's idea until his ears picked up on the sound of drunken voices. 

“-marrying off the eldest to the royal family would be difficult considering her condition. She would need to bear healthy sons.”    

Riftan head quickly turned to where the voice was coming from. It didn't take much effort to sop the drunken men openly appraising Maxi as if she were a broodmare. 

“Indeed, it is a major flaw, but she is still the Duke of Croyso’s daughter. That is, worthy bride material. No doubt His Grace’s doting will guarantee she comes with a substantial dowry.” The older man, who looked to be well over thirty, said with a sickening smirked as Riftan's hand started to hurt with how tightly he was clenching his fist.

“What good is a dowry if she cannot produce an heir? If you have no successor, your fortune and estate will revert to the crown.” 

“Keep up, my good man. If she is truly as sickly as they say, she will not survive for much longer. You could simply find yourself a new wife once the opportunity arises.” 

The thought that she might be seriously ill was enough to make Riftan feel as if he had been stabbed in the heart, but that last comment caused him to feel an overwhelming urge to kill the noblemen surged in Riftan’s chest. He glowered at them, itching to drag the scum to a corner and slit their throats. That would ensure they could never wag their filthy tongues again.

"The absolute nerve." 

Riftan snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Gabel clicking his tongue. The younger knight spoke up loud enough to also draw the attention of the drunken men along with a number of others nearby. 

"Imagine sipping on such fine wine provided by your gracious host only to turn around and spread such foul rumors of his beloved daughter." 

The two turned around as Gabel spoke and Riftan rage continued to build. They had the gall to look offended by his words after the foul shit they had just been saying about her. They might have even spoken up if it wasn't for their attention being drawn to Riftan who took a step closer to tower over them. Though his expression was steady, Riftan was well aware that the look in his eyes gave away his anger. 

Riftan turned his gaze to the duke sitting next to her like a warden. Though the man was pompous to the core, he would no doubt be her greatest protector. He couldn't blame the duke for keeping Maxi tucked away in the castle if it meant keeping her safe from scum like these noblemen.  

"I wonder how the duke would react if he knew what you've been spouting." Riftan added with a threatening tone causing their once rosy faces to blanched. 

The older man cleared his throat and tried to fix his posture. 

"H-how dare you make such accu-" 

"Ah! Perfect timing, it would seem our commander would like a word with us." Gabel interrupted with a smirk as he gestured towards where their commander standing near the duke as he waved them over. The noblemen turned to look where Gabel was pointing and Riftan was surprise they didn't just piss themselves right then and there.

"As if the duke would believe anything you would say." The other spat out in an attempt to hide his panic as he gave Riftan a disgusted look. 

And there it was, the face that Riftan had come to be used to seeing at these events. Glaring at him as if he was a stain that couldn't be washed off their perfect society. 

"Maybe, but it'll be fun to find out." Gabel retorted as he started to follow Riftan who had begun to step away, despite how tempting it was to knock out a few of their teeth he knew he had to step away before he ruined their orders reputation.

"Pigs." 

Despite his anger, Riftan cocked a brow at Gabel's comment. 

"What? Even I have standards." the comment made Riftan let out a cynical laugh. 

"You were spreading similar rumors as well." 

"I did no such thing; I was merely testing you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make sure a little rumor reaches the duke ear by the end of the night." Gabel gave a little polite nod towards his vice commander before slipping away. 

Riftan honestly didn't know what to make of Gabel's hypocrisy at the moment, all he knew was that he truly hated the delicate politics of nobility. Riftan would give anything to just throw those two out the window, but he knew Gabel's approach was irritably the most sensible one. He could only hope that the duke's reputation towards his daughter was true. Someone with that much wealth and influence could easily ruin those two. Although, it wouldn't be as satisfying as all the little ideas currently running through Riftan’s mind. 

As he drew closer to his commander his anger slowly lowered to a simmer that possibly matched the rather crossed-looking duke. Despite the smiles both men had Riftan could feel the tension in the air chilling everyone around them. 

"Sir Riftan, would you do the honors of dancing with lady Maximilian?" 

Riftan paused mid bow, not expecting his commander to just out right ask like that. 

"Sir Evan, I was under the impression you would be doing the honors." The duke still held a polite smile but the tone he gave felt like a warning, one which Triton ignored. 

"I'm afraid my injury would prevent me from doing the honors." he said while gesturing towards his arm, Riftan tried not to look so skeptical at the man's words. His arm may still be troubling him, but a simple dance would still be doable, and the duke had to know that. 

"Sir Riftan may not be fond of the act, but as you saw yesterday, he is a fine dancer and would gladly do the honors of showing our gratitude towards your house." 

Riftan’s eyes darted towards Maxi as his commander spoke to see her reaction. Her body looked just as tense as it was before. Despite the fact that it would give them away if she even looked a little happy, he still wished she didn't looks so apathetic. 

"What a...unique gesture." The duke finally spoke, Riftan could feel the hate radiating off the man, it made him hesitate to hold his hand out for Maxi to take. Riftan was possibly the last person the duke wanted around Maxi, no doubt lumping him in with the rest of the scum. 

It wasn't until Triton elbowed Riftan before he gained the confidence to hold out his hand, all the while keeping his mouth shut, not wishing to risk anything. 

Surprisingly, Maxi wasn't as hesitant and gently placed her hand in his allowing him to slowly lead her toward the others dancing. 

He remembered within the first week of gaining his land and title both Triton and Gabel had all but locked him in a room for what felt like an eternity. They had insisted that Riftan learn all the proper dances of nobility. He hated it, he was supposed to be a knight not some pompous fool. Yet they refused to let him leave until he at least learned some of the basics. He's still surprised to this day that he didn't throw away his oaths after that ordeal and he truly hated the fact that it had come in handy a few times over the years. 

There haven't been many instances where he needed to dance with anyone but each time he did he felt a little thankful. It was bad enough that people would gawk at him; he didn't need to add in fuel by stomping on his dance partners' feet. However, nothing they taught him could have prepared for just how many were focused in on him right now.  

Riftan didn't need to look around to see their looks of repulsion as they no doubt scrutinized the lowborn ‘pagan’s’ every movement as he led the duke's daughter. He only prayed it didn't bother her to be seen like this with him. 

As the next song began to start, they crossed their wrists over one another and slowly followed the crowd as they began to move in a circle. His eyes darted from her face to their linked wrist, and he couldn't help recalling the comments of her health as he noticed how thin her arm was. It was something he shouldn't be surprised to see. Each time he held her he could always feel how thin she was and he thought he knew why with how rarely she ate at the banquets. Even during their picnic she would play with her food rather than eat it. So there was no real mystery as to her slight stature

His eyes darted to where she had been injured and that sinking feeling quickly slithered its way back. At, least that what he wanted to believe.

Unable to take the guilt anymore Riftan spoke up, making sure to keep his tone low as they moved from turning in one direction to another while switching wrists. 

"Maxi, I need to know something."

For a moment her mask slipped, and she looked up at him before glancing around at the others around them. 

"How... how is your health?" 

Her eyes darted around once more at the question; she was starting to look as anxious as he felt. It made his blood boil with a mixture of rage and guilt; how many years have rumors of her health been plaguing her? 

Maxi didn't answer him until the dance switched up to where they were face to face with one of her hands now placed in his as he rested the other against her ribs where he could feel her heart racing. 

"I'm a-alright." His eyes narrowed at her tone; it didn't sound like she believed her own words.    

Riftan once again looked at her arm before swallowing down the lump in his throat. 

“So, the venom didn’t have any lasting effect on your health?” 

The question seemed to have surprised her and her body started to relax more, making her ridged movements become more fluid as the tempo started to pick up.   

“I h-had a...f-fever, but it w-went a-away...after I-I w-was healed.” Unlike her previous comment, this one he believed. Yet he still needed to make sure. 

“Truly?” 

She nodded as they began to move faster and Riftan took advantage of their building momentum to push Maxi out into a spin, causing her skirts to ripple and highlight the tones hidden in the soft velvet. The simple little act also caused her once dull eyes to start to shine again.

Did this mean I was fast enough?  

Was that why she had so many healers? 

His eyes quickly darted toward the duke who glared at him.

Is that why you hired so many hierarchs?

Having his eldest daughter hurt like that, nearly dying to something so preventable, of course he would ensure something like that would never happen again.  

Despite her being the one to have been spun around, Riftan started to feel dizzy at the sudden rush of relief. He could hardly hold back a smile and as the tempo of the music reached its height, he took hold of the small of her waist and lifted her up to spin them both around, making her light up the room with her smile. 

To hell with the rumors, to hell with any of them who would dare see her as nothing more than a broodmare. If there was one thing both he and the duke could ever agree on was the need to fend off those who would only see her were some mere object to be used and thrown away. Just the thought that someone could look at her and feel that way filled him with rage and fierce urge to protect her.

Maxi was so much more than that, so much more than anyone in this room could ever dream to be and Riftan felt like the luckiest man here, because he knew they would never know her as well as he did.   

As the dance continued his mood began to lighten more and more. He could no longer feel the eyes of those in the room on him, all he could focus on was Maxi. On the feeling of her in his arms, the soft fabric of her rich dress and the hammering of her heart under his hand as she smiled and laughed while they danced. 

It was like day and night to how she looked just moments ago; her ridged posture and sullen look was completely washed away as her adorable curls started to break free and frame beautiful face. 

She looked so beautiful and carefree and it took everything he had not to pull her in close and kiss her as the song came to an end.

As they parted Riftan brought her hand up to kiss it, trying his best not to linger too long. 

"Y-you're l-leaving...tomorrow m-morning?" 

Riftan slowly nodded as he released her hand. Hearing her ask that made him feel both elated to know she wanted to see him just one last time, but it also twisted his heart since he knew that they couldn’t.   

The once bright look in her eyes slowly faded as she gave him a small curtsy. 

"Th-then, I p-p-pray for your s-safe...t-travels, S-Sir R-Riftan." she mumbled, fumbling with her words a little as her voice trembled. 

He wished he could hold her again, but he held back as he watched Maxi walk away. Although he could already feel his gut twisting in frustration as his stepfather's words, he couldn't stop his eyes from trailing her. He couldn't stop himself from wishing for her to turn around and look at him again. He expected her to keep walking like the fist banquet, but to his delight she did turn back for just a moment before disappearing behind a corner.

For the rest of the banquet Riftan kept dodging the questions from some of the other knights and ignoring the cold glare from the duke as he sipped his wine. It wasn't until the night was nearly over, when most had either left or where now deep in their cups, that he was finally able to thank Triton.

Riftan felt conflicted as he watched the gradually receding Croyso Castle. A small part of him wondered how many days would pass before she regretted everything between them. How long would it take for her to eventually ignore his letters?

Riftan laughed as he shook his head, willing himself to push away that voice of doubt as he remembered what his commander had told him.

Triton had visited just as dawn broke, catching him as he was trying to pack the little pressed flower safely away.

"Good, you're nearly done. I'll need your help dragging Hebaron out of here, the lad indulged a little too much last night." Riftan had chuckled at that, knowing very well that Triton would make Hebaron pay for that latter.

"Did the lady gift you that?"

The sudden question had made Riftan's face burn, and he refused to answer the question as he continued to try and place the gift safely way, padding it with as many of his clothes as possible, though he hated how it would likely stain the scent of her perfume with the smell of horse.

"My wife is completely captivated with her garden."

Riftan had paused his movements as he gave his commander a confused look.

"It's practically her child." he said with a cheerful tone. "She knows every plant and flower that resides on the grounds and could tell you the usage and meaning of each one as well."

He continued to speak before nodding towards Riftan. "That one, is one of her favorites."

Riftan wasn't sure what his commander was getting at until he told him the name of the little flower tucked away, the same one that had once been part of the many others that made up the little flower crown Maxi had once gifted him.

It was strange, the little mirrored moments in life. The first time he had left the duchy his last thoughts had been of her sitting alone in the garden. That didn't change, he could still picture Maxi sitting in the garden waiting form him, however, but his feelings and actions were so different from ten years ago.

Before, he had sworn to himself to never look up and now, he found himself doing just that and while he had scattered the dried flowers across the road, he now held on tight to her gifts with the necklace around his neck and the little handkerchief carefully tucked away protecting the small forget-me-not. 

[theimpurelily]

Whatever Makes You Happy

Word Count: 2,887

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Ruth had once warned Riftan that abusing that spell, constantly throwing himself into that peaceful illusion, would make him hate reality. Little did the mage know how slowly those illusions would come to life. The only difference now was Riftan was no longer an outsider looking into the serene scene of Maxi in the garden but a participant. They were sitting once again in their spot, with his back against the tree and his legs crossed as one of his arms lazily wrapped around Maxi's waist while she rested against his chest.

He felt incredible content, just holding her while he rested his chin on her shoulder as they read the book in her hands. She had brought it with her as an excuse in case her maids questioned her. However, either Hebaron or Gabel had worked their magic and Maxi swore her maids seemed to have vanished the second she looked away.

Riftan still wasn't sure how to feel about how he was using them or how well those two could steal away her maids. However, the outcome was worth it. If he hadn't unwillingly agreed to their help, he wouldn't be able to hold her like this as they read the story of Wigrew and his twelve knights in comfortable silence.

He had tried to convince her to read to him but as soon as he asked the color drained from Maxi's face and for a split second it looked like she was about to flee. It broke his heart, after all this time could she not see that it didn't bother him? Riftan wanted to tell her how much he loved her voice but was too scared to accidentally ruin the moment more than he already had.

Perhaps someday he could convince her, until then, being able to kiss her shoulder to let her know he was finished reading the page was good enough for now.

As they continued to read in silence Riftan lazily played with the end of her long braid, his fingers twirling around the curled strands being held together by a cheerful yellow ribbon. When they got to part of the story he had heard countless times growing up, Riftan slowly leaned back to lazily untie the silk ribbon and meticulously began to slowly unravel the braid. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched the coils and waves stretch out only to spring back into shape as he continued to set them free.

Riftan became so focused on releasing her hair and watching as it started to flow in the summer breeze, he failed to notice Maxi that had closed her book until she playfully tried to push his hands away.

"Y-you m-must stop...d-doing that." she told him while taking hold of what was left of her braid to keep it safe.

Smiling, Riftan moved some of her hair away so he could kiss the back of her neck, causing the lady to shiver as he left his lips there as he spoke.

"Mhh? Doing what, Maxi?"

"T-t-taking m-my hair down. My...m-maids have s-started to a-ask about it."

Riftan frowned as he rested his head against her neck. He couldn't help but feel a little foolish because, goddamn it, his first reaction was to actually pout.

What is this woman doing to me?

Closing his eyes, he took in the sweet soft scent of her perfume and hair oil before kissing her neck again.

"Just one more time?" he asked as he reached for her hair.

"R-Riftan..."

"I'll re-braid it."

Maxi turned to look at him over her shoulder. If it wasn't for the fact he could tell she was holding back a smile she might actually look annoyed.

"D-do you kn-know how?" she asked as her hold on the braid faltered enough for him to take it back.

He gave a lazy shrug as his hands continued to slowly unravel her braid until it was completely free. "It seems to be the same as braiding rope."

"M-my h-hair isn't r-rope." He laughed at her little complaint while running his fingers through the curls, making sure to be as gentle as possible whenever he encountered a small tangle.

Leaning farther back against the tree he carefully re-braided the fiery curls before gently taking it back out to do it again. It felt as if he was performing some sacred ritual, one that would allow him to burn the feeling of her hair under his hand forever into his mind.

He could tell she was enjoying the feeling as well, whenever his hands came close to her scalp, she'd let out a small shiver and as he worked the braid farther down her shoulders would relax as she turned slightly so she could watch as his hands finished off the braid only to start unraveling the strands again.

"I have to ask."

Maxi perked up at the sound of his voice and he watched as her focus went from his hands to her own.

"Y-yes?"

"What about my hands is so fascinating?" It had made sense before when it seemed she was focused on his arms, but this still puzzled him.

He smiled as her ears turned red from her blush, having been caught. After a small moment of silence, she spoke up.

"Th-they're v-very...large." she confessed in a shy voice making Riftan laugh.

"I fail to see how that is so fascinating."

"W-well...th-they're large and...y-you're very s-strong but..."

"But?"

"Th-they're soft."

"What?"

Riftan's movements stopped as he looked down at his hands, focusing on the contrasting small light scars that nicked the skin and the calluses that had built up over the years.

She gave a timid nod causing him to let out a small huff. "That's a new way to describe me." he mumbled

Maxi nodded again, this time with a little more conviction.

"It's t-true, th-they're soft and g-gentle...and..." she looked over her shoulder at him before turning back around. "S-so is y-your hair."

"My hair is gentle?" he teased, making her laugh.

"It's soft."

Feeling a little curious, Riftan brought a hand up to run through his hair, he supposed it was but hers was so much...richer.

"I prefer yours." he stated while twirling a few curls around his fingers.

The statement seemed to be oddly strange for Maxi to hear as she turned to give him a confused look.

"B-but...it's always g-getting t-tangled up. I-It's uncomfortable."

"Don't say that." his tone was soft as he brought up the captured curls to his lips. "I love your curls, they're cute."

Riftan watched in amusement as her blush turned a deep red at the complement.

Dropping the curls, Riftan leaned in and placed a small peck on her cheek before whispering in her ear.

"But not cute as your blush."

He could feel the heat of her blush radiating off her face as she quickly turned her head away to face forward while mumbling a soft thank you.

It was truly criminal how adorable she could be.

As much as he would love to continue playing with her hair, Riftan had the sudden urge to hold her for the rest of the time they had. So, he swiftly put her braid back together before tying it back off with the little ribbon. As soon as he was satisfied with his work, Riftan wrapped his arm around her as he nestled his face into her hair.

Despite being the one holding her, Riftan felt as if he was completely surrounded by Maxi as everything of her took over his senses, from the smell of her perfume to the soft sound of her breath. He would have thought she had fallen asleep if it wasn't for the fact she had taken his hand in hers to examine it. That was the best word to describe what she was doing, turning his hand over in hers while delicately gliding the tips of her fingers over his palm, tracing the lines there. The fact she found even one part of him fascinating enough for her to want to touch made him happy.

He would have remained happy if the bells ringing out didn't ruin the mood. Before Maxi could even try to stand up, Riftan tightened his hold on her like a child unwilling to give up his favorite toy.

"I h-have to g-go."

"Just a little longer."

"I c-can't be l-late again."

Riftan felt his shoulders sag, but he still couldn't find the will to let her go.

"Riftan..."

"I know." Riftan grumbled as he slowly released his hold on her, but he still didn't let her go, not until he at least kissed her. Though they both knew she needed to leave Maxi didn't pull away right away from the kiss as her hand timidly brushed over the nap of his neck.

He didn't like how bittersweet the kiss felt or the way she eventually pulled away from him, leaving him alone in the garden where the only evidence of her ever being there was the faint smell of her perfume.

At the following banquet, Riftan made the mistake of using Ursuline as a way to avoid both Hebaron and Gabel. It only made the other knight treat it as an invitation to introduce Riftan to any noble within reach. This also seemed to encourage all the women he had been able to avoid to come and introduce themselves.

Riftan was able to keep from having to touch most of them, but a few seemed insistent as they held out their hands for him to kiss. The thought of it made his skin crawl. Luckily, Triton had taught him a trick to simply act it out by bringing their hand just close enough that only he and the lady would notice the lack of contact allowing Riftan to be free from the act while keeping the lady from being humiliated.

It wasn't ideal but it worked for the most part, until he was introduced to a woman with a familiar name.

"Sir Riftan Calypse, this is Sir Clarus Fillios and his younger sister lady Duranne Fillios."

It took him only a moment for him to realize where he had heard the woman's name before as his eyes shifted over toward Maxi and watched as she hastily looked away.

This is who you are jealous of?

Riftan mostly let Ursuline lead the conversation as he glanced at the two. Sir Clarus had a kind face but the way he was holding himself gave the impression of a child playing pretend, constantly shifting his stance as if he didn't know what to do. His sister on the other hand presented herself as if she was royalty and these banquets had been put in place in her honor. She was beautiful, that was true, but it was a generic type of beauty that one could find almost anywhere.

What really stood out about her was the look in her eyes that gave Riftan the feeling of leeches writhing around in his gut and when he did that trick on her to avoid kissing her hand the lady pouted.

"My, now that was a cold greeting."

The three knights halted their introduction at the woman's words as she continued to look sullen while pushing out her bottom lip.

Her brother gave her a panicked look, giving Riftan the impression this wasn't an unusual occurrence with her. If it wasn't for his timid nature, Riftan might have had some hope that her brother would intervene as she took a step towards him while continuing to hold her hand out despite Riftan having already let it go.

"I'm hurt that you wouldn't kiss my hand, Sir Riftan. However, I'll forgive you if you honor me with a dance." As she spoke the lady's pout twisted into a sly smile.

"Duranne!" Sir Clarus hissed out with panic in his voice. He took a step towards her to stop what she was doing as is eyes darted around at those who had started to notice. It was for a good reason. A woman asking a man to dance was highly unusual and her blandly calling him out was far worse.

Lady Duranne simply waved off her brother without even bothering to look back at him. "I have yet to see Sir Riftan truly enjoy these events. It's only right that somebody remedy this."

Riftan looked over at Ursuline who seemed just as shocked as he was. However, he ultimately cleared his throat and gestured for Riftan to take the woman's hand. Riftan shot him a look that he hoped conveyed the message that he would rather cut off his hand than dance with her. Ursuline returned the look with a warning glare to not humiliate her any further.

Sighing, Riftan reluctantly took the woman's hand and awkwardly began to lead her into the middle of the hall, leaving Ursuline to deal with her flustered brother.

"I'm told you played a vital part in resolving the recent conflict." she murmured. "His Majesty must be very proud."

"It would be a relief if he didn't rebuke us for taking longer than expected," he replied bluntly.

"Is his Majesty so harsh?"

"He holds high expectations for his vassals."

"I hear you are his Majesty's favorite."

Riftan didn't answer her, but he could have laughed at that statement. The king merely saw him as a living weapon to use as he saw fit. It was an opinion he had only shared once with Triton who merely shook his head while giving Riftan a look of pity.

Despite his awful manners, the woman continued to chatter mindlessly and looked to be enjoying the dance while Riftan suffered through it as he spun her around. He wanted nothing more than for this to end as he could feel Maxi watching them. He prayed she didn't think he wanted this, that she knew he would trade anything for her to take the place of this harpy.

When the music finally stopped, Riftan detached himself from the woman as if he was prying off a goblin that had thrown itself at him.

However, lady Duranne seemed to have other ideas as she suddenly teetered and leaned into him for support.

"Forgive me, Sir Riftan, it would seem I have overindulged. Would you be so kind as to escort me back to my room?" she asked while attempting to look seductive as she pressed her lithe body against him.

His skin crawled at the contact as an irritated sigh escaped Riftan's lips at the blatant invitation. Seeming to completely ignore his reaction she lowered her voice in a further attempt to seduce him.

"I would like to make this banquet one to remember."

Just as he was about to snap a boisterous voice broke though the cold tension building up.

"Sir Riftan! I see you found yet another beauty."

Both turned to watch as Hebaron skillfully maneuvered around the others dancing to join them. Before either of them could react, Hebaron took hold of the lady's hand and kissed it.

"I don't believe we've been properly introduced, my lady. I'm Sir Hebaron Nirta"

The confused lady looked between both him and Riftan before faking a smile as she answered.

"Lady Duranne Fillios."

Hebaron smiled brightly and started to not so subtly push Riftan away while moving closer to the clearly irritated lady. Riftan made no complaints as he did so and eagerly took the opportunity to flee from the woman as Hebaron started to lead her into the next dance.

As he made his escape, Riftan glanced back at where Maxi had been standing beside her father and sighed in relief to see she was still there. Though, he could tell she was upset by the dance as she stood there sullenly with her head down as her hands pulled at the sleeve of her beautiful dress. There was a moment of conflict where part of him felt delighted at the fact she was jealous while the other wanted to chastise him for not going to hug and comfort her.

"Tomorrow will be the last banquet."

Riftan quickly looked beside him to see Triton standing there. The comment made Riftan's already soured mood worse as he sighed.

"Why are you reminding me?" he asked curtly.

"Don't you find it odd that no one has yet to dance with Lady Maximilian?"

Riftan glared at his commander. "I was told to be discreet."

"Now, Calypse, it's only right that we thank our host for his hospitality and what better way to do that than to have the guest of honor gift his daughter with a dance." Triton gave Riftan a soft smile as he shook his head, unable to believe what his commander was suggesting.

"The duke would never allow that. I've told you before, that man doesn't even see me as human."

Triton huffed as he crossed his arms. "So, you'll sneak off with her, but you won't dance with the lady?" Riftan was about to rebuttal him but was cut off as Triton laughed. "Oh, but you will dance with another woman as she watches."

Riftan felt his face heat up as a feeling of shame washed over him.

"Would you have preferred me to make a scene rejecting that harpy?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I'd prefer it if you weren't so stubborn all the time."

Riftan couldn't help but give a sharp cynical laugh as he ran his hand over his hair.

"You think the duke would allow me, a half breed bastard, to dance with his daughter?" he asked even though he already knew the answer. Despite drilling into his head all the way to avoid humiliation with nobles, his commander seemed dead set on Riftan making a mockery of himself.

Triton just smiled reassuringly as he rested a hand on Riftan's shoulder.

"Leave it to me, you'll get your chance tomorrow."

[theimpurelily]

Raise Up Your Swords

Word Count: 3,123

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When he arrived at the garden, Riftan was greeted by the cat Maxi often fawned over, grooming itself in their spot as if it belonged to him.  

As he approached the cat, Riftan scanned the grounds of the abandoned garden for any sign of red hair. If what Gabel had said was true, she should have been here by now, especially considering Riftan had run a little late trying to avoid as many people as possible to get here.  

A few paranoid thoughts ran through his mind, but he pushed it down as he slowly knelt in front of the cat.  

“Hey there.” The cat seemed to perk up at the sound of Riftan’s voice and gladly began purring as it started to try and rub up against him.  

“Where's your mistress?” he asked while petting it in a way to try and keep the cat from rubbing all over him, though it was too late and Riftan could already see the gray tufts of fur clinging to his pants. The cat didn’t seem to care as it leaned into his hand before giving a small trill and flopping down to stretch out.  

The little act made him chuckle as he stopped petting the cat to stand back up. “Trying to get on my good side?”  

The cat instantly reacted to him pulling away by sitting up and meowing at him, however, halfway through the cat’s meow turned into a yawn making the noise it created turn a little squeak.  

"That's a sad excuse for a meow.” Riftan teased.  

The cat seemed to take offense at his words and placed its paws on his knee, allowing Riftan to feel the tiny claws through his pants as it let out another meow, this one with a little more force behind it.  

“See, I knew you had it in you.” Riftan murmured as he rewarded the cat with a thorough scratch around its ear and each time he even dared to stop the cat let out another complaint. He could see why Maxi was so fond of something so soft and needy for affection. A bitter thought crept up as he realized that if the cat had been around when the hound had died it would have been a welcome comfort for her.  

You better stay around for her.   

The cat seemed to sense his thought and trilled at him loud enough it nearly drowned out a familiar giggle. Pulling away from the cat, Riftan turned to watch as Maxi slowly approached the two with a soft smile.  

“He l-likes you.”  

“I suspect he’s merely trying to get me to feed him.” he said while standing up, causing the cat to let out a complaint.  

She laughed again at the display of the cat meowing away for them to pay attention to him.  

“M-maybe...I th-thought of someone.”  

“Good.” Pushing down the memory of her dead hound, Riftan smiled as reached out to take one of her loose curls only for Maxi to duck down and out of the way to pick up the fussing cat.  

Riftan didn’t want to admit it, simply because of how ridiculous it was, but part of him felt slightly wounded.  

“Who is it?” he asked as Maxi seemed completely oblivious to the slight she caused him, too wrapped up in cuddling the now content cat as it left bits of gray hair over her dark green dress.  

“A-a b-boy who w-works in the...k-kitchens.”  

Riftan furrowed his brows at that.  

“How old is he?” Riftan tried to keep his tone neutral but judging by how Maxi was looking at him, he wasn’t doing that good of a job. It was strange how she was the only one who could make his emotions so hard to control.  

“Um...I’m n-not s-sure. Maybe t-ten?" she continued to hesitate before taking a step towards him. “He’s v-very s-sweet. I...c-caught h-him feeding s-some of the...c-cats h-here and t-tody he asked if I w-wanted m-more...sweets.”  

Riftan knew she was trying to make him feel more reassured by her choice but, as pathetic as it was, she was only making him get jealous over a damn child as the thought of wanting to feed her sweets at Anatol came to mind.  

Wait.   

“More sweets?”  

Maxi seemed taken aback by the question, as if she didn’t realize what she had just said.  

“W-w-well, he's how I-I was a-able...to sn-sneak out the d-desserts and wine.” she admitted while lifting the cat up a bit to try and shield herself.  

That wasn’t what Riftan was expecting. If the boy had been caught anyone would have seen it as him stealing from the duke which was an offense that the duke wouldn't take lightly. The boy was either willfully ignorant or strangely devoted to Maxi. He wasn’t sure which one he preferred.  

Taking in a deep breath, Riftan tried to think. There were countless reasons why it would be better if they trusted the task to an adult, mainly due to them having the mental maturity to be reliable. However, the boy had already stolen from the duke for her, the chances of him turning in any letters to her father were slim.  

Still, it was strange that the only one she wanted to go to was a ten-year-old.  

You really don’t trust any of your maids?   

The thought made it feel like something was weighing down his gut.  

“You really trust him?” he asked with a much softer tone than before.  

Riftan watched as Maxi hesitated with her answer for a moment before she took a deep breath and gave a firm nod as her hold on the cat tightened, causing him to squirm out of the lady’s grasp.  

“I do.”  

He wished that he could talk to the child but knew that it wouldn’t look good. There were many places where the guests weren’t allowed and the kitchens of the duke’s castle was definitely one of them. Not only that, but he would prefer for any attention on the boy to be kept to a minimum.  

Smiling at her determination, Riftan brushed his thumb over her cheeks causing her to blush. She had placed her trust in Gabel and Hebaron, it was only fair he did the same for her. Besides, if the boy was able to sneak out that much food without the kitchen staff noticing he should be able to do something like this.  

His hand slowly moved from her cheek to play with her earlobe as he began to think of the unique styles of jewelry he had seen that would look good on her. It was only a shame he wouldn’t be able to send her anything too bulky.  

As his mind wandered his hand slowly moved to slowly trace her skin until his fingers rested at the nape of her neck as his pinky played with the chain of her necklace. Riftan felt her squirm under his touch as the determined look in Maxi's eyes faded to something much sweeter, tempting him to lean in and capture her lips in a slow kiss.  

Riftan felt her hand start to mimic his own by holding onto the back of his neck making him smile into the kiss before he moved down to trail his lips over her her neck, making sure to focus on the spots he had learned made her shiver. As he felt her nails start to dig into his skin, Riftan remembered something he had heard years ago and moved to drag his teeth across her collarbone. The act caused Maxi to let out a small gasp and he felt a sharp pinch as her nails broke his skin on his neck. Her reaction only encouraged him as he continued to focus on the skin around her neck before slowly moving to back up to continue with the slow kiss that gradually grow into one that left both of them breathless.  

He preferred this method of learning, where he could test and tease her to find what she liked. Where he could feel how soft and responsive she could be as one of his hands rested on the small of her back so he could bring her in closer while the other tangled up in her hair. Even after the bell rang out, he still couldn't find the will to let her go. Each time she tried to leave he would pull her in for once more kiss and each time he could feel her smiling against his lips until eventually her hand slipped out of his.  

“You may want to fix your collar a bit, Vice.”  

Riftan’s shoulder sagged, not two steps away from his room and already he was being accosted.  

Turning towards Hebaron, Riftan gave him a questioning look as the taller knight pointed at the back of his own neck.  

“It would seem your lady has claws.” Hebaron said in a teasing tone.  

Placing his hand on the back of his neck, Riftan could feel the small scratches left behind by Maxi.  

Riftan kept quiet as he carefully adjusted his collar to cover up the marks. Though, part of him saw them as of badge of honor that he wished he could show off.  

When he was done Hebaron gave him an exaggerated wink. “It’s a good thing you have us to help you out. Ah! Before you say anything, I am well aware of how stubborn you are about this but just see it as me paying you back for taking out that archer that nearly shot me.”  

Riftan shook his head. “How in the hells is that even comparable?”  

Hebaron shook his head. “Sir Riftan, the matters of the heart can be life or death.” he said while placing a hand over his chest. “Besides, it’s not as if Sir Gabel and I have not assisted each in matters such as these. We’ve just decided to let you join us.”  

“I would rather you not lump me in with you two lechers.” Riftan sneered.  

“Oh, I wouldn't lump you with us.” he said with a small chuckle, unbothered by the title. “I mean no offense, Vice, but when it comes to women...well.” He scratched his beard as he hesitated. “You may be a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield but in these matters you’re just a squire.”  

Riftan glared at the ridiculous comparison, but he couldn’t find an argument that wouldn’t give away what he had been doing with Maxi. It was bad enough that Gabel heard his drunken comments, he didn’t need to tell Hebaron what he said to the lady while sober.  

Hebaron chuckled despite the icy silence between them as he rubbed the back of his neck.  

“Tell me then, if you don’t need our help then how do you intend to figure out what to do?”  

Riftan could feel his blood pressure rising as Hebaron talked. He couldn't understand them, both he and Gabel acted as if sex was some mystical thing that only a few men could grasp where everything he had seen and heard made it look to be rather straightforward and simple.  

"Instinct.” he finally replied, the answer seemed to satisfy Hebaron so Riftan took the opportunity to start to walk away.  

“Instinct is all well and good, but it can only get you so far.” Hebaron called out as he began to walk with Riftan, unfortunately his long legs allowed Hebaron to quickly catch up with him.  

“Bite me.” he retorted out over his shoulder.  

“Bite her.” His comment made Riftan stop and turn to glare once again at the older knight, but it only made him laugh.  

“I'm serious, some ladies like that, just don’t leav-”  

"It’s rather amusing.” Riftan quickly cut off the other man's words. “The advice both of you are throwing my way are things I am already well aware of.”  

Hebaron shrugged. “It’s only normal to start with the basics and I'm sure there’s more for you to learn on the way to Drachium.”  

Riftan’s jaw started to hurt as he held back from yelling at Hebaron, it also didn’t surprise him the man was repeating the same thing Gabel had threatened.  

Hebaron continued to follow Riftan to the Banquet, thankfully having decided to keep quiet as they met up with others of their order. However, as drinks were served, he couldn't help but notice how both Hebaron and Gabel kept looking at either him or Maxi, which made him feel anxious. They had gone on and on with how they wanted to help him and yet he felt as though they were only drawing more attention to the situation.  

It wasn’t until food was served that the two changed their focus toward the other ladies that had tried to make their way toward the table the Remdragon's knights sat at. It wasn’t until he watched as one lady locked eyes with him and smiled only to be whisked away by a cheery Hebaron that it clicked. Riftan's focus turned towards Maxi who looked to be watching the woman now dancing with Hebaron for a moment before her attention shifted towards him.  

Riftan tried to think back to the last time he had been harassed by a woman at these events and he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.  

The bastards could have told him they were also keeping the harpies off him. For just a moment he thought that their actions almost made all their pestering worth it. That small moment was quickly shattered as they finally returned to the table and Hebaron smiled brightly at Riftan in a way that made his skin crawl.  

“Vice Commander! I did not realize you had such a sweet tooth!”  

Riftan slowly closed his fist around his goblet as he stared daggers at Gabel whose attention quickly went towards the small dents that had appeared on the cup in Riftan's hand.  

“Sir, Gabel.” he said in an icy tone. “It would seem that you’ve been focusing too heavily on your archery skills, it would be a shame if your sword arm became useless.”  

Whatever smile Gabel held quickly became forced as he looked at Hebaron for help, but the man quickly turned his attention towards a very confused looking Ursuline.  

“Are you suggesting we spar?” he asked with a pleading look in his eyes.  

Riftan gave him a smile that didn’t reach his sharp eyes. “What a wonderful idea.”  

There was no questioning of Gabel’s skills as a knight. The young man was talented and deserved his position in the Remdragons. However, the man was more suited to archery and wasn’t built for blocking an attack from someone like Riftan. However, despite the fact that Gabel needed a break only an hour of sparing, Riftan had to give the man some credit. Gabel was lasting better than he had expected and it was leading to some interesting training for Riftan. If he were to give it his all in the fight, Riftan was sure Gabel would break an arm, so this sparring turned into some strange practice in restraint. It was tedious at first, but he was starting to find some enjoyment out of the situation.  

Riftan stood poised as he watched Gabel roll his shoulder before going for his water skin near the other knight that had gathered to watch.  

“What did you do to earn his ire?” he heard Ursuline ask, causing Hebaron to chuckle.  

“Nothing I regret.” Gabel answered while throwing a smile towards Riftan.  

"Enough talk, we're not finished yet.”  

“You’re a demon Sir Riftan!” Gabel called back before giving a dramatic sigh. “No man can train like you do, some of us need a break in between matches.”  

“I beg to differ!” Hebaron boasted, earning a sigh from Ursuline.  

“You might as well get whatever punishment he’s dealing out over with.” Ursuline advised Gabel who was delaying the next match by taking another swig of water.  

“He’s right, if you let him keep going like this we might have to bring you to Drachium Castle in a coffin.”  

“I said enough talk!”  

Riftan watched while he slowly grew impatient as Gabel gave a pleading look towards Triton who had been silently watching, but their Commander just smiled and shook his head.  

He was about to call out to the knight again but stopped as Gabel finally started to walk back towards him. 

“I'll be sure to inform the blond you've been talking to that you died heroically!” Hebaron called out as they both returned to their proper stance.  

“I’d prefer if you’d avenge me!”  

“I’ll consider it!”  

“That’s loyalty for you.” He heard Gabel grumble under his breath. Riftan tried not to smirk at the friendly banter and focus back on getting the match started but he quickly paused when he caught sight of red hair. Looking up at the castle he noticed Maxi watching them from the third floor, making him smile softly before turning toward Gabel who looked disturbed.  

“What?” he asked as his face shifted back to its usual hardened expression.  

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”   

“Shut up and fight.” snapped before lunging towards Gabel.  

Gabel did well in holding his own against Riftan however, even with the distraction of Maxi watching him, Riftan was still able to best the younger knight. Though he did noticed Gabel trying to use Maxi's presence against him by pivoting his stance similar to how Hebaron was the last time she watched. Gabel was quick to smile when Riftan noticed what he was up to but when Riftan started to put a little more force into his swings his smile quickly vanished.

To Gabel’s credit, he learned rather quickly it was better to dodge his strike than parrying them. However, as the hours ticked on his movements were noticeably slowing down and eventually their commander took pity on the younger knight and called off the match. As they lowered their weapons Hebaron called on in a cheer at his friend's survival, which Gabel responded with a forced enthusiastic bow. Riftan could tell he was trying to keep his exhaustion hidden from the ladies that had predictably gathered to watch the match.  

Riftan glanced up and saw Maxi was still watching and that urge to wave at her came up again, but he ignored it. He instead settled for running his fingers over the scratches on the back of his neck as he walked up to Gabel.  

"You've gotten noticeably slower since we've arrived here, Sir Gabel. Maybe you should lay off the sweets."

Gabel looked over at Riftan with a surprised expression before bursting into laughter.

Riftan had a feeling he got the message.

[theimpurelily]

If You Could

Word Count: 2 ,598

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“I’m s-sorry.”   

Riftan tightened his hold on Maxi as she sat nestled under his arm beneath one of the oak trees.   

“I told you to stop apologizing, the fault was mine.” he mumbled, enjoying the feeling of her beside him as his back rested against the tree.   

“B-but...you t-truly didn’t tell S-sir G-Gabel?”   

“Is that what he said?”   

“W-well...no I just...h-he knew you w-would...be here.”   

“What did he say to you?” Riftan asked as he rested his cheek against the top of her head.   

“He...he a-asked wh-when you w-would...arrive, I t-told him soon. He th-then a-asked if I’ve h-heard the s-story of h-how you bested...Ludgal or h-how you earned...your n-nickname.”   

“He didn’t say anything else?” Riftan asked as he began to absentmindedly play with her sleeve, his thumb tracing over the tiny stitching decorating the hem.   

He felt Maxi shake her head, making him lift his head up to avoid scratching his face on the tiny jewels decorating her hair.   

What she was saying didn’t sound so far-fetched. Gabel was always looking for an opportunity to spin some story, Riftan just expected the man to have said something that would no doubt make her uncomfortable.   

“Riftan?”   

“Hm?”   

“H-how d-did he know?”   

He hesitated, Riftan wasn’t sure how good of an idea it was to tell the lady Gabel had possibly overheard everything they had done in the hall. Still, he never wanted to lie to her.   

“I got too careless, he overhead some things he shouldn’t have.” He hoped it was vague enough that she wouldn’t fully understand when that carelessness had occurred. He also hoped that with how she was sitting Maxi couldn’t see the blush he could feel spreading across his face.   

“Oh...” her voice grew quiet and for a moment he thought the unpleasant conversation had passed, allowing them to continue enjoying each other's company. That is, until he felt her body jolt before she began to scrabble out of his arms. “W-w-wait!”   

Reluctantly, he let go of her, allowing Maxi to stand above him with a bright red face and tears in her eyes.   

“Th-the...the d-door, was th-that him at th-the d-door?”   

Well...shit.  

Sighing, Riftan moved his hair out of his face before moving to stand up with her.   

“Yes.”   

“And h-he t-t-told your c-commander?”   

He simply nodded.   

“Y-your c-commander kn-kn-knows th-that we...”   

“Yes, he does but I told you, they won’t tell anyone.” he tried to say in a reassuring tone, but his voice sounded a little too irritated to him.   

He watched as Maxi hid her face in her hands while shaking her head.   

“I-I-I...I c-can’t face th-them again.” Her teary voice was muffled by her hands as her panic only seemed to rise.   

Riftan knew it was cruel, but he couldn't help but find her frantic blushing and embarrassment a little endearing.   

Chuckling softly, Riftan gently took her hands away from her face allowing him to lean and place a kiss on her forehead.   

“It might actually be a good thing that they know.”   

Maxi took a step back, looking in complete disbelief at his words.   

“H-how?” she squeaked out.   

Fuck, I want to kiss her.  

Riftan tried to focus on the feeling of her racing heart tapping against his thumb as he continued to hold onto her. It was a decent distraction from how adorable she was acting at the moment.   

“They’re the reason why your maids have left you alone today.”   

Maxi continued to look flushed and anxious, but the tears that were threatening to fall seemed to fade away.   

“R-really? B-but...why?”   

“So, I can see you every day before I leave.” Riftan answered as his thumb began to sweep over the delicate skin of her wrist.   

“Th-that’s....kind of th-them...” Riftan watched as her expression started to fall, he had a feeling why. Unless they kept meeting up after the banquets, he’d only be able to see her three more times.   

Using his hold on her, Riftan slowly pulled her in. Maxi quickly accepted the hug, and as she wrapped her arms around him Riftan could swear his heart felt lighter.   

“Maxi?”   

“Yes?”   

"Is there someone you trust?”   

She was quiet for a moment before he heard a very soft whisper.   

"I t-trust you.”   

Her words made Riftan smile as his whole body warmed up. Squeezing her tight he kissed the crown of her head.   

“Adorable as that answer is, that’s not what I mean.” Looking down at her, he saw her ears start to turn red.   

“Wh-what do you m-mean?”    

“A maid or a servant...really anyone that you can trust completely in the castle.”   

Maxi moved back enough to look up at him, whatever panic or melancholy she had before seemed to have faded away into curiosity.   

Smiling, Riftan brought a hand up to play with her earring, rubbing his thumb over the little amethyst stone.   

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, so I thought we could send letters.” He felt a little foolish saying it out loud but the smile on her face quickly reassured him.   

“R-really?”   

“It would need to be done in secret, which is why we need someone to help you with delivering and receiving letters.”  

Maxi kept smiling as she listened to him, her fingers tracing over the necklace again. “I’ll th-think of...someone. H-how w-would it work?”  

By the time Maxi had to leave for the night they were able to create a rather simple plan. From Riftan’s side of things it was rather easy, the only thing he had to worry about was a nosy mage. He just had to send her a letter with some coins. From there, whoever she chose would pick up the letter from the courier and place it in a leather pouch under a marked rock beneath the tree they’d always met. In Maxi’s case, she would need to somehow inform the one she trusted to take her own letter from beneath the rock along with the coins Riftan had sent to both pocket as their own payment and to pay the courier.  

The more they planned everything out the more excited she seemed, and he’ll admit it put his mind at ease. Letters could never replace the feeling of holding her or seeing her smile, but it was better than being completely cut off from her.  

All they needed now was someone she could trust. 

It was truly amazing how quickly Gabel could spoil his mood. Deep down he knew Gabel was serious in his remarks to teach him how to ‘properly please a woman’ however that didn’t stop Riftan from hoping, nearly praying, that the younger knight was just trying to get a rise out of him.   

Sadly, that didn’t seem to be the case. Almost as soon as Riftan woke up he heard a knock at his door. As soon as he had opened the door Gabel let himself into Riftan’s room with enough confidence that someone could mistake it as his own room.   

Taking in a deep breath, Riftan tried to keep his voice down as he closed the door.  

“Why are you here? Don’t you have maids to pester?”   

Gabel waved away his remark as his eyes scanned the room. “Hebaron offered to help out again today.”   

Riftan notices Gabel's eyes go towards the pressed flower on his nightstand. Before he could get anywhere near it, Riftan intervened, blocking him while Gabel gave him an annoyingly knowing glance.  

“Rather adorable of her. I do hope you have gifted her something as well?”  

Riftan tried to ignore the heat starting to spread across his face. There was nothing Gabel could do that would get Riftan to admit the hours it took for him to find a simple necklace for the lady.  

“What do you want?”  

Gabel frowned as he crossed his arms.  

“Really? No good morning? No, how are you or thank you?”  

Riftan didn’t give Gabel the satisfaction of a reaction of any sorts. After a few seconds of silence Gabel sighed and shrugged.  

“Fine, straight to the point then, no room for fun or flair. I came to make good on my promise to teach you.”  

“I don’t recall you making any promises.”  

“I felt it was implied.”  

Riftan groaned as he ran his hand over his face.  

“I don’t need your help.”  

“Oh, is that so? You know, Vice Commander, in all the years I’ve known you I can seem to recall a single instance where you took a woman to bed.”  

“Why the hell would you notice that?”  

“It’s hard not to notice when nearly every time we stay somewhere a woman tries her best to sleep with you, and I do believe none have succeeded.”  

He wanted to argue against that, but he was right. It was an annoyance that others in the order had pointed out before. 

“I still don’t need any help; I’ve heard and seen enough over the years.”  

Like it or not, Riftan had grown up unwillingly hearing the other men boast about their ‘conquests’ and many would argue with each other on who was superior in pleasing a woman. From what little he had tried, some of that they said seemed to be true. Maxi did seem to like it when he kissed her neck.   

Gabel scoffed, seemingly ignoring the blush that continued to linger on Riftan’s face.  

“From foul mouthed mercenaries?” Gabel clicked his tongue as he shook his head. “Their view of making love is simply hiking up a skirt and taking a woman like a mad fool.”  

Riftan frowned as he thought back to a moment not long after he was allowed to join the Blackhorn Dragon mercenaries. He had been sent out to go buy something from a nearby shop, he couldn't even remember what it was. All he could remember was noticing one of the mercenaries with a woman in the alleyway doing exactly what Gabel had described. He was so shocked at what he was seeing them do in the middle of the day, but he felt like he couldn’t look away and Riftan could still vividly remember the annoyed look on the woman's face.   

Riftan’s once annoyed expression fell for a moment as he suddenly realized something.  

I had almost done that.  

Looking away from Gabel, Riftan remembered his drunken actions toward Maxi the other night and the way she had pushed him away.  

“Oh my, don't tell me that’s what you intended to do. I’d advise against beddin-”  

“Do you take me for a fool? I have no intentions of doing anything that would give her a bastard.” Riftan snapped back as he began to feel disgusted with himself.  

Did she have the same expression as that woman in the alley?  

“I take you for a man who has never played the part of a paramour before.” Gabel quickly explained as he took a step back from Riftan.  

“What did you just call me?”  

“Paramour, an illicit lover. Which is what you are.”  

With the tone he was using, it felt as though he was poking fun at the fact Riftan agreed to become her ‘paramour’, but he honestly felt no shame in it. The label of what he was to her didn’t matter as long as it meant he could hold and kiss her, that he could fall asleep knowing the truth of her feelings, that both had a hold of each other’s hearts.  

"If you don’t leave right now I'm throwing you out the window." Riftan threatened, not wishing for Gabel to continue with his pestering. 

"It's rather strange how shy you are about this." Gabel said with a light chuckle that was quickly cut off when Riftan took a step towards him. 

"Yes, alright, I get the hint." he said while holding his hands up in defense as he made his way to the door. "Just know, you can't escape my advice while we're on the road." 

Riftan picked up his pace towards Gabel who quickly left the room, nearly missing the door as Riftan slammed it shut. This time he could hear something crack in the wood and he knew that if Gabel came to visit again the door might not survive.  

When it was finally nearing the time, he would normally go meet Maxi, Riftan tentatively left his room, keeping a lookout to make sure Gabel wasn't around. It was a little demeaning to feel the need to hide from someone he should see as an ally, but the idea of having someone younger than him try and give him advice on that matter wasn't something he looked forward to. 

Just when Riftan felt he was in the clear he heard Triton calling out to him, causing his shoulders to drop. 

"Ah, Calypse, I see you’ve decided to grace the halls with your presence." 

Riftan turned to watch his commander approach him, judging by the armor and the sweat staining his tunic Riftan could tell the man had just finished sparring. 

"You have Gabel to thank for my lack of presence." Despite the venom in his voice his commander laughed. 

"The lad means well." 

"I'm sure he likes to believe that." Riftan continued to look over his commander, his eyes narrowing when he noticed the older knight wince slightly as he adjusted the straps on his armor. 

“I thought I had advised against you sparing. We can't have you crippling yourself over something trivial." 

Triton huffed while shaking his head. "There's no need to mother me, I'm not some withered old man." 

“We should have the mage cast-.”  

"Lighten up, Calypse, I won't lose my sword arm over some sparing." Triton interrupted while waving away the idea. 

“It is the vice’s job to worry about his commander’s condition.” he grumbled.  

His commander shook his head again. "Alright, I'll go see to a mage if it'll keep you from fretting, but in return I need you to stop sneaking out and attend what few banquets are left." 

“Are the reparation negotiations nearly over?”  

Triton nodded. “After we're done here, we'll have to report back to His Majesty in Drachium. After that, you should be free of any duties for a while.”  

Despite the fact Riftan knew this was happening, a feeling of loss still washed over him. It was strange, a month ago he was looking forward to hearing this news but now...now he had to keep reminding himself of the letters he would get from her. 

"Understood." he said while trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. 

Seeming to sense the shift in Riftan’s mood his commander placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"I also need you to keep in mind what doors you should be exiting." 

Riftan cleared his throat and nodded, trying his best to continue to act nonchalant despite his commander's teasing. 

Seemingly satisfied, his commander gave his shoulder a light pat before he started to leave. However, Triton only took a few steps away from his vice before turning around. 

"Oh, before I forget. Do be careful with how you indulge yourself at the banquets, I heard too much sugar is bad for your health." 

Riftan’s face became so hot he could have sworn someone had set it on fire as he felt completely dumbfounded by his commander's comment. The older man didn't seem to mind Riftan’s reaction as he continued to walk away but as he turned the corner Riftan could swear Triton started to chuckle. 

Gabel had better make some peace with his life, because Riftan was going to kill the man the next time they sparred. 

[theimpurelily]

Made to Be Broken

Word Count: 4,033

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Maxi was the first to spot him, even from far away he could tell she was nervous as her hands tugged at her hair. He couldn’t hear what she had said but it caused Gabel to turn around and smile brightly as he waved Riftan over.  

Despite his slow movements, Riftan felt as if his heart would explode at the pace it was racing. A thousand questions started to run though his mind; most could be summed up to why? Why now? Why him? Why after everything seemed to be finally working in his favor.  

Why?  

“Ah! Sir Riftan, took you long enough. I was telling lady Maximilian how you earned your nickname Single-Strike Calypse while we waited...for...” Gabel trailed off as Riftan shot him a glare, daring the man to continue before turning his attention towards Maxi.  

He was surprised to see she was wearing a shy smile as he approached, however, it started to fade when she looked at Riftan’s dark expression. 

Gabel cleared his throat, causing Riftan to turn his attention towards him.

 Before he could say anything, Riftan took a step toward him.   

“What are you doing here?”  

Much to his credit, Gabel kept up the smile as he straightened his shoulders and stood his ground.  

“I came to find you. The commander wanted to speak with you but you had already left your room.”  

“I was in my room all morning.”  

Gabel’s mask fell for a moment before he turned towards Maxi.  

“My lady, would you please excuse us for a moment?”  

Turning his attention from Gabel, Riftan watched as whatever smile was left completely crumbled, turning into panic as she looked between them.  

“Y-y-yes...of...c-course.”  

“I’ll be but a moment, I promise.” Gabel tried to reassure her before nodding for Riftan to follow.   

The look in her eyes made Riftan hesitate to move. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her, to take her away from this situation, but he kept his hands firmly to his side.  

He took a small step towards her and spoke in a low tone so Gabel couldn’t hear.  

“Everything will be alright, stay here.”  

Her eyes once again shifted between the two knights. Maxi moved to take a step towards him but stopped before giving him a small tentative nod.  

The urge to hold her was still raging inside him but he continued to hold back as he painfully moved away to follow Gabel.   

As soon as they were out of sight from Maxi, Gabel turned toward Riftan to speak. However, he was quickly cut off as Riftan grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the nearest tree. It was with enough force that the leaves above them shook and Gabel didn’t hesitate to start trying to get out of his grasp but he quickly stopped when Riftan’s hold tightened as he towered over him.  

“Before you hit me, let me explain.”  

“Make it quick.”  

“Most are ignorant but those who know you, who fought beside you for years, have noticed how you’ve been acting.  

“Oh? Enlighten me, how have I been acting?” Riftan asked with a condescending sneer.  

Gabel shifted a little against the tree as he cleared his throat.  

“Strange.”  

“Strange how?”  

“Just...strange. You’ve always been rather consistent, even when you’ve acted out of routine there was always an obvious reason behind it but lately...”  

“Keep talking.”  

Gabel sighed. "Lately, you have been disappearing for hours without any notice and always at the same time. You have attended nearly every banquet without complaining and when you are there Hebaron swears you act like...well to put it bluntly, you've been blushing and it's starting to scare him.”  

Riftan’s hold on Gabel faltered only slightly as his teeth started to hurt with how hard he’s clutching his jaw. He was so wrapped up in seeing her he didn't even think about how his disappearance would look. As for Hebaron’s accusation, Riftan wanted to believe he was lying but he couldn't deny there were times where he felt his mask slip around Maxi.  

Looking uneasy with the silence, Gabel brought up his hands in an act of defense.  

“As I said, most in our order are completely oblivious to this and those who have noticed don’t know who it is. I believe I was the first to find out it was her ladyship.  

“How.” His voice shook slightly, not sounding as harsh as he would have liked.  

Gabel let out a short laugh. “You must be joking?” Whatever smile Gabel had from his laughter was quickly gone when Riftan made sure his hold on the knight was firm once more as he shot him a frigid look.  

"Answer. My. Question.”  

With a bit of irritation in his voice, Gabel began. “When we first got here, I noticed you staring at a woman when normally you would completely ignore their existence. I brushed that off at first but then I noticed you being introduced to what I assumed was the same woman and she was the first noble you didn’t look like you wanted to kill. I was still skeptical until you sparred with Hebaron...could you please loosen your grip? I’m rather fond of-.”  

“Keep making jokes and see where that gets you.”  

Despite the possible discomfort, Gabel shrugged, the sound of fabric scraping against the bark making him wince. “Right, forgot you have no humo-ah alright! You kept trying to position yourself so you could look at the ladies, it was so odd that I wasn't the only one that notice it. It wasn’t until after your match that I saw lady Maximilian was watching...so I brought up rumors I had heard to see how you would react and something felt off...and well...I don’t think I’ve ever seen you make that face before. It was honestly a little disturbing.”  

His shoulders dropped and with every word he spoke as Riftan’s anger shifted from Gabel to himself. He was right to scoff at Riftan, as much as he didn’t want to believe it, he had been painfully obvious.  

“What do you want?”  

“First, I’d like for you to let go.”  

Nodding, he did so and as soon as he released his hold the man started to try and smooth out the stretched-out fabric.  

“Second, I need you to come with me. I wasn’t lying when I said Triton was looking for you.”  

Riftan nearly asked him if their commander knew but stopped as he let out a groan and brushed his hair out of his face.  

Of course he knows.   

“Fine, but how did you know I’d be here?”  

Crossing his arms, Gabel leaned back against the tree, his posture having relaxed since being freed. “I may have occasionally been following you.”  

"No, I would have noticed.” Riftan said while shaking his head in disbelief.  

“Give me some credit.” he replied while rolling his eyes. “It wouldn't be the first time I’ve been able to sneak around you.”  

As much as Riftan wanted to argue against that he knew he couldn't. The first time he met Gabel the man had snuck up on him.  

“How long?”  

He shrugged. “Not long, the first time was just before the rain stopped. Triton was starting to worry and asked me to follow you. I thought it was strange how you just stood out here alone…until last night.”  

A wave of nausea hit Riftan and the migraine he had warded off from his hangover came back in full force. He had been wrong; he didn’t hear someone coming into the hall but leaving.  

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he rubbed his hand over his eyes, not being able to tell if his face was getting warm from embarrassment or anger. Gabel had heard everything and Riftan didn’t even notice...he was going to kill Hebaron. 

As he tried to alleviate the pain behind his eyes, Riftan heard a dramatic sigh. 

“I'm not a cruel man. The reason why I didn’t come get you this morning was so you could see her ladyship before you talked to the commander.”  

As thoughtful as that sounded, Riftan didn’t like the implications behind his words.  

“The commander, is he...”  

“Angry?”  

Riftan only nodded as he swallowed down a lump in his throat. 

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Riftan looked over to judge Gabel’s expression, hoping to see some sort of hint to him lying but he couldn't find any. If anything, he saw pity.  

Gabel gestured towards the path leading to where Maxi was.  

“I’ll wait here. Don’t take too long.”  

Riftan nodded in reply as a thanks before heading back towards the garden, his feet feeling heavier with each step.  

As Maxi came into view his heart twisted in his chest. She was pacing back and forth as she bit her thumb nail, stopping only when she heard him approaching.  

He watched as she started to walk towards him only to stop and instead wait while she nearly bit her nail again before moving her hands to pull at her already abused hair. Her braid was almost completely undone and he could see the skin around her nail looked raw.  

“I-I...I th-thought you had t-told him, I...d-didn’t say a-anything.” she blurted out before he even had a chance to speak. The tears in her eyes and the panic in her voice felt like a punch to the gut. 

“I know.” he mumbled while reaching out to take a strand of her hair, causing her hands to leave the curls alone as he watched a red coil wrapped around his finger.  

“He didn’t do or say anything inappropriate to you?”  

She looked confused by the question but shook her head no.  

At least he had that.  

“H-has...will h-he t-t-tell anyone?”  

Riftan let the curl slip from his finger before reaching out to wrap her up in his arms, kissing the top of her forehead as he let out an exhausted sigh.  

“He told my commander.” Though Gabel didn’t say it, Riftan was sure that's how Triton knew. 

Even though Maxi accepted the hug her body was still tense from his words. Riftan’s body felt heavy with guilt, this was his fault. They could have been sitting in the shade as they enjoyed each other's company instead of dreading what was to come. All because he couldn't hold himself back for one day.  

“I need to leave to talk to him.”  

Pulling back, he rested his forehead against hers as he closed his eyes.  

“If I don’t go to the banquet tonight, could you meet me here?”  

He felt her nod as she let out a shaky breath.  

“Good.” He moved to kiss her forehead again, keeping his lips there for a few seconds before gently kissing her temple, then her tear covered cheek until he brushed his lips against hers.   

As she sighed into the bitter sweet kiss, Riftan brought his hand to rest at the back of her neck, his finger playing with the chain of the necklace he had gifted to her. 

The walk back was painfully quiet, he felt as if he was being led to the hanged man. He truly didn’t know what his commander would do. Though Triton complained, he never severely punished any of the knights that seduced anything with a pulse, but none of the others had been caught with the daughter of someone like the duke. 

As they reached the room Triton was staying in. Riftan felt Gabel pat his shoulder as if to say good luck.  

Riftan tried to ignore his rising anxiety as he entered the room. He was surprised to see it was roughly the same size as his own, the only difference being the quality of furniture and the additional desk near the window which was currently being occupied. 

His commander kept his back turned to his vice as the sound of quill on paper filled the cold silence between them. With each passing second Riftan felt his muscles starting to ache due to his tense posture.  

After what felt like an eternity of silence Triton finally stopped writing and spoke up. 

“Care to tell me why you decided to have a tryst in the hall with the duke's daughter?” 

He could feel the blood drain from his face, his throat felt like it was closing in on itself, making it feel impossible to speak. 

The chair Triton was sitting in creaked as his commander turned to look at him. Riftan tried to judge the expression on his face, he was surprised to see pity instead of anger. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Calypse. You’re not in any trouble with me.” he said after a long sigh.

Riftan couldn't believe his commanders words.

“Who am I in trouble with?” 

“No one, unless you pull an idiotic stunt like last night again. You're lucky it was one of us that caught you.” 

Riftan’s body started to relax as he nodded. 

“What now?” 

Triton looked Riftan over for a moment before turning his chair to face him. 

“Now…now you sit down and answer some questions.”  

Sighing, he looked around for another chair to sit in only to find that the only one in the room is being used by Triton. Finding nowhere else to sit, he moved toward the bed. He was starting to feel like a child about to be scolded. 

“When did this start.” 

“We’ve been meeting up to talk almost as soon as we arrived.” he admitted, seeing no point in lying. 

Triton gave Riftan an bemused look as he leaned back in his chair. “Just talking?” 

He tried to ignore the rising warmth in his chest as he cleared his throat. 

“It recently...changed.” 

Triton hummed as he crossed his arms, his movement slightly stiff making Riftan’s eyes narrow. His commander’s injury was still acting up. 

“Have you slept with-?” 

“No.” he answered, cutting him off before he could think. 

Luckily, Triton didn’t seem to mind as he smiled for the first time since Riftan entered the room. 

“Good. Keep it that way. Now, do try to be a bit more subtle and enjoy the time you have left before we leave.” He started to move his chair back to where it was before, pausing for a moment when he noticed the shocked expression on Riftan’s face. 

“Oh, don’t be so surprised. If anyone in our order deserves some bit of fun, it’s you. Truth be told I was more surprised than anything when Gabel told me. To think there was a woman you would willingly seek out.” he started to chuckle as he shook his head. “There must be something special there.” 

Riftan was starting to feel dizzy as he nodded. 

“I can still see her?” he mumbled, still not fully believing what his commander was saying. 

“With how stubborn you are I doubt I could stop you. I can only ask for you to be more discreet in the future.” 

Riftan took in a deep breath as he leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs, all the tension in his body having fully left him at this point. He felt beyond exhausted, like he had been preparing himself to face a hoard of monsters head on only to be met with an army of allies instead. 

After a few moments he released the breath he had been holding and slowly started to stand up only to stop as Triton spoke up again. 

“I do want to know one more thing.” 

“What?” 

“Why the duke's daughter?”  

Riftan hesitated for a moment. There wasn’t a man alive who could get him to tell them the truth, that Maxi was the only reason why he was still alive, that without that one precious memory of her he would have been dead in that cave. 

“I grew up here.” His slight admission made Triton laugh. 

“Ah, so you knew her when you were children.” Triton said with a genuine smile. 

Riftan nodded slowly stood back up, hoping his commander would dismiss him soon. 

Triton seemed to sense this and waved Riftan away while turning back to his paperwork.

As Riftan's hand touched the door he heard Triton chuckle again.

“I have to say, Calypse, I’m surprised. I didn’t picture you as a romantic.”

Riftan kept quiet as he began to leave. 

Neither did I. 

Riftan wanted nothing more than to go to his room and be left alone until he could see Maxi again, but Gabel didn’t seem to think so. 

 As soon as Riftan entered his room he spotted the younger knight waiting there with his arms crossed and a bright smile on his face. 

“Do you have nothing better to do then follow me around?” 

“Currently? No, not really. So, good news I take it?” 

Narrowing his eyes, Riftan had a feeling Gabel already knew the answer. After a few moments of tense silence, he nodded. 

“Excellent!” 

Wanting to leave it at that, Riftan started to gesture for him to leave but stopped as he remembered something that had been bothering him. 

“Why did you confront her?”  

Gabel faked being offended. “Confront is such a strong word. I simply wanted to introduce myself properly. I was curious on what type of woman could thaw that cold heart of yours.”  

“Cut the bullshit.”  

Gabel kept up the act for a few seconds before dropping it and shrugging. “Aright, I also wanted to show you how careless you’ve been. You truly are in desperate need of my help.” 

“Like hell I am.” 

“Oh? Tell me, why do you think her maids are leaving her alone right now?” 

Letting out a frustrated groan, Riftan ran his hand over his face. “What did you do?”

“Not I, Hebaron convinced a few of the knights to try and woo her ladyship’s maids.” 

Riftan continued to groan in frustration. “How many did you fucking tell?” 

“Ah, right, Hebaron knows. Wait!” Gabel held up his hands in defense as Riftan began to approach him. “Hear me out, the other knights believe it was a type of hazing so there’s no need to worry about them.” 

“Ah, great, so I only need to worry about Hebaron.” He said with a bit of venom in his voice. 

Gabel kept his hands up but relaxed his stance a little. “He already had a feeling about it and I’m only one man. Oh, stop glaring at me, it’s making my skin crawl. Trust me, he finds this far too entertaining to jeopardize it.” 

“How kind of you.” he replied, his tone still threatening. 

“How kind indeed! You should be thanking us. This is what I mean by letting us help you. Hebaron and I can work on keeping the rumors down and give you an alibi if need be...and woo a few cute maids to keep her ladyship free.” he added the last bit with a chuckle. 

Though he was starting to see what Gabel meant it still didn’t sit right with him. “So, you want me to use members of the Remdragon knights to see her. We're an order of knight not-” 

"Don’t be so stubborn. I already warned you that the others are starting to talk and if Hebaron was able to catch on it’s only a matter of time before the others do as well.” Gabel took a step forward and placed a hand on Riftan’s shoulder. 

“So, let us help you from being caught...again. I doubt you’d want to spend the time we have left having to dodge any politics if you were to be caught...again.” Gabel argued.

Riftan felt that bit of paranoia creep up again as he shrugged his hand off. 

“Why are you helping me?” 

“It hurts that you’re so distrustful.” 

“Just answer the fucking question.” 

Gabel crossed his arms and shrugged. “You’re my brother in arms, there have been countless times you have saved my life and both Hebaron and I feel like this is the least we could do for our future commander.” 

Clearing his throat, Riftan tried to fight off the odd way Gabel’s words affected him. It was true, during the years there had been a few times Riftan had saved the younger knight’s life but that’s what he was supposed to do. Gabel shouldn't feel the need to owe Riftan for doing the bare minimum for someone he fought beside. 

Whatever feeling of comradery that Riftan was feeling was quickly swept away by Gabel’s next statement. 

“That and for the poor girl's sake you should learn how to properly please a woman.” 

“Leave, now.” Gabel kept his smile up despite Riftan’s tone. 

With light steps, he started to move towards the door, but paused before opening it.  

“Though I don’t know how much I could teach you. It's like someone spilled sugar on your skin?” He ended his statement with a whistle that was cut short by Riftan quickly opening the door and shoving the younger knight out, making him trip and nearly fall in the process. 

“I said leave before I break your fucking jaw!” 

Gabel laughed and started to talk but Riftan cut him off by slamming the door shut hard enough he was surprised it didn’t break.  

Riftan stared at the closed door for a moment, feeling an odd mixture of relief and mortification, before hitting his head against the wood.

Triton had tried to convince him to join the banquet but stopped when Riftan hinted that him being 'discreet' was the reason for him skipping. 

His commander only chuckled as he told Riftan to behave himself as before closing the door. Riftan was still conflicted by everything that had happened. The more he looked back at his conversation with Triton and Gabel the more he was questioning if this was real. By all rights, his commander should have barred him from seeing Maxi again, he should have told her father and stripped Riftan of all rank and titles, yet it felt as if he was encouraging him. That mixed with Gabel and Hebaron offering to help him...it just didn't feel real. He had never been this lucky before. 

As he watched the sun set over the garden, he took in a deep breath and tried to convince himself everything would be alright. He didn’t doubt that he’d have to repay them in some way for helping him but until then he’d follow Triton’s advice and enjoy the time he had left. 

Hearing some movement, Riftan turned his attention toward the garden and smiled softly as Maxi slowly approached him at first before she started to pick up the pace. As she came closer Riftan held his arms open for her as she practically jumped into his embrace. 

“It’ll be alright, they won't tell.” 

“I k-know.” she said, her voice slightly muffled as she spoke into the fabric of his tunic. 

He was shocked to hear her say that, how could she know? Did Gabel approach her again?

Letting out an irritated sigh, Riftan pulled back to better see her. 

She still looked a little nervous, but the panic in her eyes from before was no longer there.

Seeming to sense his question she looked down at her hands as they played with his necklace. 

“M-my f-father...I...” she hesitated for a moment. “Th-they w-would...have t-told...him by now b-but he didn’t....s-say a-anything. Th-then your c-c-commander smiled at m-me. It felt...r-reassuring.” 

Riftan hated that he felt a bit of jealousy at that but he pushed it down as he brought one of her hands up to kiss it. 

“W-were y-you...punished?” 

He shook his head while continuing to kiss her hand before moving to her wrist where he could feel her pulse start to speed up. 

“C-can... can I s-still s-see you?” her question came out a little breathy as his other hand started to trace the exposed skin above the back of her bodice. 

Riftan hummed against her skin to say yes before pulling her closer to capture her lips in a gentle embrace. 

As he deepened the kiss, he felt her hand on the back of his neck to pull him in closer while the other rested over his heart. At that moment Riftan knew his commander was right.

No one could keep her from him.

[theimpurelily]

A Dark Lit Place

Word Count: 3,712

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Riftan’s throat burned as he finished off another cup of wine. The food had yet to be served and he was already feeling light headed. He had Hebaron to thank for that, as soon as Riftan walked into the banquet the giant of a man ambushed him. He went on a rant about how much he had missed his future commander which soured Riftan’s already failing mood.    

Maximilian was right, her maids were either suspicious of something or had suddenly increased their protective nature towards their lady. Though she was out in the garden her maids had joined her. They seemed completely unaware of the disappointed lady pretending to read while they worked away on their embroidery. It made their little game go from thrilling to frustrating.    

At least he could see her here. There was a bit of fun in watching her from across the room, especially when she noticed it. He couldn’t see the details of her face clearly but her body language gave her away. Maximilian went from looking bored, with her head down and her hands politely clasped together, to suddenly fidgeting as she pulled on the sleeve of her burgundy dress before brushing her hand over the skirt of her dress. As her hand came up to brush some of hair to keep it in place, he could swear she was looking at him. As much as he wished, Riftan wouldn't dare get too close to her. Though her maids rarely joined her during the banquets her father rarely left her side. Which was a shame, her dress was styled in a way that showed off the top of her shoulders.   

Riftan wished she had worn that dress last night. He was sure if she had he wouldn’t have been able to resist kissing every single freckle dusted on her delicate skin. He hoped she would enjoy the feeling of him kissing down her neck and over her shoulders as much as he knew he would.   

He tried to hide his smirk behind the rim of his cup, he might just find out tonight. That is, if it worked out like he hoped. Riftan had a plan that would work out better if he was sober, but he couldn't tell Hebaron that. His attention was reluctantly brought back to the boisterous man as Riftan tried to decline Hebaron from refilling his wine. In return Hebaron began to pout and insist on celebrating his Vice Commander’s grand return to the banquet.   

Riftan was starting to get truly annoyed and the thought of punching the man started to sound like a good solution until Triton spoke up.    

“Oh, go on and drink up. Nothing wrong with indulging on special occasions.”    

Hebaron started to laugh at their Commander’s encouragement while trying to smack Riftan’s back.   

He was quick to dodge Hebaron's hand and sighed while begrudgingly allowing the refill.   

“And what special occasion is that?”   

“On the breaking of that foul mood of yours. Now, I know you’re not the most chipper man but I don’t think I've ever seen you so grim before.” Hebaron quickly replied, seemingly unfazed by Riftan dodging him. Though he could have been too distracted by Riftan offering his goblet.   

He was about to take a sip of the wine but paused as he realized the knight's words. Riftan might not have been hiding his emotions as well as he thought. Which was strange, he was normally rather gifted for that.   

Sighing again, he took a rather large drink from his newly filled goblet, causing Hebaron and a few other knights to cheer before they downed their own cups.   

Riftan made sure to remember this the next time he had to face his fellow knights during training.   

“I can’t help but be a little curious...”   

“What fucking a surprise.” Riftan grumbled as Hebaron made sure everyone had their cups refilled.   

“Haha, very funny. But really, what put you in such a ghastly mood?”   

“I hope none of the nobles have given you any trouble.”   

Riftan narrowed his eyes at Hebaron and Triton behind the rim of his cup. He was starting to regret coming here tonight...well. His attention slowly focused on someone behind them, someone with her red hair pulled up into a bun he very much would like to unravel again.   

“It’s nothing.” he mumbled before finishing off his wine...again. He could only hope that the men around him blamed the alcohol Hebaron was pushing on him for the tint in his cheeks.   

“I’ll bet you anything It was caused by a lady.”   

Shit.    

“Fuck off, Gabel, no one was talking to you.” Riftan was glad he was able to keep a straight face at the accusation despite the little feeling of paranoia clawing at the back of his neck.   

“You know, Gabel, you might have a point there. Why else would our dear Vice Commander be dolling himself up.”   

Riftan was quick to shoot Hebaron a look that dared him to continue. Unfortunately, Hebaron seemed to not notice or care as he placed his arm over Gabel’s shoulder, pretending to whisper in the younger knight's ear.   

“Remember how I told you he started to smile all dreamy like...”   

Gabel smirked while slowly nodding his head.    

“Oh, I remem-”   

“Do you two have a death wish?” Riftan said, touching the hilt of his sword.     

Hebaron put on an exaggerated look of terror as he moved to try and hide behind a laughing Gabel.   

“Commander, won’t you protect us from your Vice?” Hebaron said in a fake whiny voice causing Triton to chuckle    

“Would be quite something if that was true, but I'm afraid I'm the reason for his appearance. I've instructed him to put his best foot forward when around the nobles.”   

Riftan felt his body tense as Triton spoke up in his defense. He could swear the older Knight winked at him, as if to be reassuring, before going back to talking with Ursuline who seemed to be the only one able to avoid Hebaron’s refills.   

At any other time, Triton’s attempt to reassure Riftan would have worked, but now...   

He stole a quick glance at Maximilian before looking down at his empty cup and ignoring the stares from his companions. That bit of paranoia continuing to claw away, making his hair stand on end.   

Have I been that obvious? There’s no way they could all know, right?  

“Does this mean you’ve finally accepted the succession plans?” Gabel asked while moving away Hebaron as the giant of a man tried to refill everyone's glass again.   

Copying Gabel, Riftan quickly took a step back to try and avoid drinking more wine.   

“If I keep drinking, will you two stop asking me useless questions?”   

“Ha! I think I can make that deal.” With a childlike excitement, Hebaron quickly began to make sure both he and Gabel had more wine. “Can’t promise I’ll stop asking when you're sober.”   

It was a stupid idea, but he at least got some reprieve from their questions and he felt his paranoia slowly fade away as the food started to arrive. He was thankful for it, though he wished they would just bring out everything at once instead of only a little at a time.   

Riftan tried his best to only sip on the wine to keep Hebaron at bay but he needed to sober up at least a little bit before he made his move. Looking up, he watched as Maximilian stared at her food that was brought out. He had a feeling he had to move quickly, something told him she wouldn't be staying there long.   

With surprising steadiness, Riftan got up and started to leave, making Hebaron begin to complain.   

“Finished so soon? I’m disappointed in you.”   

“Fuck off you lush.”   

He could hear laughter behind him as he made his way out of the banquet hall. There were two doors on either side of the banquet hall, one was the fastest route toward the guest wing the Remdragon Knights were staying while the other one ...he wasn’t quite sure but Maximilian almost always left through them.   

Though his footing is sure his head felt light as he exited the banquet hall. The temperature instantly dropped giving him some relief before he moved down the hall until he came across the first intersecting corridor. Looking behind him, he made sure no one was watching before he moved to extinguish most of the candles around the entrance of the corridor before hiding there. Riftan wasn’t sure if it was the wine or the anticipation but his whole-body felt like electricity was running through his veins.   

As he waited in the dark his fingers began to tap against the cold stone wall he was leaning against. He didn’t even notice they were following the beat of the music echoing out from the banquet. The sound was loud enough to drown out the voices inside and almost hid the sound of the door opening followed by the light tapping of footsteps and rustling fabric slowly coming towards him.

Riftan started to feel like an animal stalking his prey as the tiny steps slowly drew closer. As soon as he caught a glimpse of red hair, Riftan reached out and wrapped his arms around Maximilian from behind and pulled her into the dark.   

Maximilian nearly let out a scream but he seemed to be able to cut it short with a simple kiss to her temple. Squirming in his arms, the lady turned her head to look up where he saw a look of relief wash over those beautiful eyes of hers.   

“S-sir Ri-mh" It was rude of him to keep cutting off a lady but he couldn’t help it. With the way her body relaxed in his arms as she timidly kissed him back, he had a feeling she didn't seem to mind.   

It was strange, this kiss was so different from their first with how slowly and gentle their lips moved yet he could tell it was leaving them both breathless. He wondered how many other ways he could kiss her.   

Smiling against her lips, Riftan brought his hand up to cup her face, brushing his thumb over her warm cheek for a moment before moving on to start playing with the dainty earring and then her earlobe. He felt her shiver a little at the touch making him chuckle as slowly began to kiss down her neck. It was hard to resist biting down on the soft pale skin but even in his state of mind he knew better than to leave any marks. He would have to settle for slowly dragging his teeth over shoulder making the squirming lady in his arms gasp at the act.    

Good, it would have been a shame if she didn’t like this.   

“S-sir R-riftan?”    

“Like sugar.” he mumbled against her skin.   

“S-sugar?”   

“Your freckles, it’s like someone spilled sugar on your skin.” He felt her shiver when his tongue darted out to taste her skin in between kisses as he lazily made his way back up her neck to nipple on her ear. "Is that why you’re so sweet, Maxi?” he asked in a low voice.   

"I..wh-what?” Riftan pulled himself away to look down at her. Her face was an adorable shade of red but she looked so confused. He couldn't understand why. Last night, before Maxi left, he warned her he’d kiss her the next chance he got...didn’t he? Or was it something his drunken mind was imagining.  

His mind was brought back to the present as Maxi started to squirm under his gaze.  

“S-sir Riftan?”  

“Riftan.”  

“Wh-what?”  

“Just Riftan.”  

She seemed to hesitate for a moment before mumbling. “Riftan?”  

What sort of pathetic idiot was he to find that so nice.  

“Wh-what are y-you d-doing...here?”    

“...waiting.”    

“F-for me?”    

“Who else? It’s not like I could see you in the garden.” He tried his best not to slur his words as he continued to lazily play with her earring.     

Her confused look turned to guilt as she tried to pull away from his fingers. He smiled softly as he let go of the jewelry and loosened his hold on her, allowing the lady to turn herself to face him a little better.    

“I'm s-s-sorry, m-my maids...”    

Maxi flinched as Riftan once again cut off her words with a chaste kiss.     

“What did I tell you?” he asked in a soft whisper as he touched his forehead to hers.    

She hesitated for a moment before looking down. “D-don't...a-apologize so m-much?”    

“Exactly, we’ll figure something out. Until then, can I keep doing this?”   

Maxi didn’t say anything but he watched as she nodded her head.    

Riftan mumbled a quiet “Good.” as he ducked his head down to taste her lips again. He might have found the one thing in this world he could become addicted to. Something about the way she held onto him and tentatively tried to keep up with his kiss was completely intoxicating, and distracting. So much so that he nearly missed the sound of the banquet hall opening.   

From the look of panic in her eyes he knew she must have heard it too.   

Without any warning, Riftan took hold of Maxi’s hand and led her down the corridor trying his best to stay at a pace she could keep up with.

He didn’t stop until he spotted a few doors evenly spaced out.    

“What are these?”   

When he didn’t hear a reply, Riftan looked behind him to see Maxi panting with her hand on her chest trying to catch her breath.   

Feeling some pity, he asked an easier question.   

“Would anyone be using them right now?”   

As her breathing slowed down, she used her free hand to nearly bite her nail before quickly moving to play with her sleeve. After a few seconds she shook her head.   

Riftan gave her a sly smile.   

“Good.”   

Without any hesitation, Riftan led her towards the closest door and flung it open. It looked to be a small bedroom; smaller than the ones the knights had been given with a window that hardly let any light from the moon in. Not that it really mattered. As soon as Maxi stepped in Riftan closed the door and pushed her up against it as his lips collided with hers.   

Sober him would have thought of this sooner, it was stupid of him to start kissing her out in the hall. Not only did they nearly get caught but he quickly noticed Maxi was a little less timid when there was some privacy. Instead of just squirming in his arms she started to whimper and moan as his fingers began to pull at her hair, freeing it from that damn bun again as her arms slowly began to wrap around his neck.    

The very fact Maxi was kissing him back with a passion that matched his own while clinging on to him only made Riftan grow bolder, letting him feel like he could pick her up by her waist and set her down on a nearby table. Riftan didn’t notice Maxi's apprehension at first, too busy focusing on kissing every freckle on her shoulder as his hands started to pull at her skirt. It wasn’t until his fingers touched her bare leg that her hand flew to his, pushing it away.   

Riftan felt himself instantly sober up as he pulled away to see a look of complete panic in her eyes.   

Removing himself completely from her, Riftan took a few steps back while running his hand over his face. He needed to cool down fast.   

“I’m sorry.”   

There was a moment of silence between them that wasn’t broken until he heard her start to move closer to him.   

“I th-thought you s-said n-not to...apologize so m-much.”   

Riftan removed his hand from his face and looked down at her. He could barely make out her face in the dark but he was able to see a small smile on her face as he laughed.   

“From you.” He hesitates for a moment before gently touching her shoulder as he moved in to place a small kiss on her forehead.   

Leaving his lips there he sighed. “I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”   

He felt her hands come up to touch his chest, laying her hand there where she would most likely feel his heart had yet to slow down. Pulling back, he looked down and watched as her hand found the necklace, her fingers tracing around it before looking up to smile at him.   

“Riftan?”   

“Mh?”   

“Th-thank you.”

For the first time in years Riftan had slept in and if it wasn’t due to the pounding in his head he would have kept sleeping. Groaning, he pulled himself from his bed and attempted to soothe his pain like he did the first morning he woke up in this room. Just like before the cool water did little to help. He could only thank God that he didn’t have any dreams tormenting him as well.  

The pain was something he possibly deserved. Riftan couldn't remember how he got to bed; all he could remember was foolishly pouncing on Maxi.   

He couldn’t believe he allowed Hebaron to feed him so much wine, nor could he believe how reckless he behaved. If anyone had seen them everything would have gone down in flames. Maxi’s reputation would have been completely ruined, he would have found himself on the end of a noose and any good standing the Remdragon Knights had would have vanished.  

Getting dressed, Riftan swore to himself that he would never again pounce on Maxi like that and the next time Hebaron tries to get him drunk he'll punch in in the throat.  

Despite his pounding head, Riftan was able to move swiftly through the guest wing, avoiding any of the other Knights. Now more than ever did he wish to avoid them as he tried to find a good path towards an exterior door.  

As he turned the corner of what felt like endless halls, he saw something he thought was impossible.  

“What are you doing alone?”  

Maxi spun around at the sound of his voice, she looked to be just as surprised as he was.  

Oh, w-well I w-was...reading in th-the l-library and...s-suddenly I was a-alone...” as she trailed off, he watched as she looked over her shoulder before focusing back towards him as he approached her. “I d-don't kn-know...where she is...”  

“Is that common?”  

She was quiet for a moment before nodding.  

That’s surprising.   

Riftan cocked his head to the side. “Really?”  

“W-well, it is when n-no one is...v-v-visiting.”  

That still didn’t make sense to Riftan, but despite his skepticism he couldn't help but see the opportunity this might bring.  

Taking a step closer to the lady, Riftan lowered his voice and brought up his hand to play with one of her loose curls.  

“So, we’re alone right now?”  

She began to blush while slowly nodding.  

Perfect .  

At that, he turned to look back from where he came, then behind her and finally out the nearby window to see if there was anyone around.  

She looked a little confused at his action until he swiftly moved his hand from playing with her hair to holding the back of her head as he pulled her in for a quick kiss.  

“I’ll see you in the garden?” he asked while taking a step away from her, almost failing to hold back a chuckle at her flustered look as she quickly nodded. Before he was caught alone with the lady, Riftan gave her a small bow and continued down the hall.   

It was funny how easily he could completely forget the vow he swore himself.

Perhaps they had been too paranoid with her maids, they better be. He only had five days left with her and who knew when he’d see her again. As he made his way toward the garden Riftan started to think of ways they could communicate in secret. He had thought of secret letters before but after seeing how often she had someone around her it didn’t feel like it could be possible, but if there were times that they truly left her alone then there was a chance. All they would need to do is find someone to handle the letters on her side. 

For just a split second he thought of asking his step-father's son to help but nixed that idea as soon as it came. There was no need for him to interfere with his step-fathers family or life anymore. He could pay one of the staff but he had no clue who to trust...but Maxi would. Smiling he took in a deep breath, there was no doubt in his mind that someone as kind as her had made some friends around the castle that would do this for her. 

It truly wouldn't be that difficult if they planned it out correctly. It wouldn't be frequent by any means but it would still be possible. Hell, he might even be able to send her gifts if they’re small enough. Maybe a ring or delicate little bracelet or...Riftan felt his face heat up as he remembered the sound she made as he played with her ear. 

Earrings could work.  

Feeling a little better about their situation he continued his path towards the garden with lighter steps. As he got closer, he started to hear Maxi’s voice which made him chuckle. He should have figured that the cat would make its appearance again, no doubt determined to steal its master's attention away from Riftan. Then, moments later he heard another voice. A voice he recognized. A voice he knew didn’t belong at their spot. Any sort of good mood he had allowed himself to feel fell away as dread sank in.  

With hurried movements, Riftan started to run along the path, praying to God he was wrong. But when he finally was able to see the garden, he swore his heart stopped. 

That feeling of paranoia from last tonight came back in force, digging and clawing away at the back of his neck. 

Standing next to Maxi in the spot they would use to hide away and talk, was Gabel. 

[theimpurelily]

All I Want

Word Count: 3 ,026

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Riftan kept his eyes closed as he sat on the cold hard floor of the library. Maximilian was long gone, having been swept away by her fretting maid. From what he was able to overhear her maid insisted on the lady to rest for the remainder of the day. He could only imagine what her maid was thinking, he wondered how much that woman would yell at him if she found out he was the cause of her lady’s tears. After they left the library became painfully quiet, with only the sound of the rain hitting the window and his thoughts keeping him company.

Everything would have been so much easier if he had pushed harder to return to Anatol right away. It would have prevented all this mess; he could have been back at home over seeing the wall's construction as Ruth pestered him about cost while the girl in the garden would remain a dream. Instead, he sat there completely drained of all energy from the whirlwind of emotions he had just experienced in the past few days.  

He should have turned her down before they got any closer, before he had just gone and made things worse. How horrible would he have to make her feel now. Being held like that one day just to be told it will never happen again the next. He knew how much it would rip out his own heart. He gave a pitiful chuckle while resting his head in his hands.  

He could still smell her perfume on his clothes, his lips still tingled from the memory of touching her skin and his heart was still racing at the thought of nearly kissing her. Riftan knew deep down needed to stop this. He needed to forget how warm she was, how sweetly she hugged him back. He needed to remind himself why he could never have her.  

Taking in a deep breath, Riftan finally moved to stand up only to stop as his hand brushed up against the book he was supposed to have put away. Instead of being sat on a shelf the worn book laid haphazardly on the floor, having been completely forgotten during their embrace.  

He continued to stare at it for a moment before letting out a deep sigh and picking it up as he rose to his feet. Maximilian seemed rather insistent that it would be put away. Stepping over towards the ladder he glanced down at the book as his thumb ran over the spine, it looked as if it had been read a thousand times even after a rebinding. Despite his mood, his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly, he flipped through the small book, stopping randomly when he noticed there seemed to be a few ribbons stuck in between some of the pages. When he went to the marked page his body froze as he read the text on the page. Swallowing he quickly moved to open another marked page and then another all while his stomach felt as if it had been filled with lead.  

They were all love poems.

The rain continued onto the next day but Riftan still had hopes she would be out in the garden. However, even after the bells ran out and the sun had nearly disappeared over the horizon, they remained empty. Now, fully soaked by the summer rain, Riftan slowly made his way back to the guest wing and with each step he could swear the necklace she gifted him was becoming heavier. 

Rationally, he knew her maids had most likely forbid her from going outside. Still, he had a sinking feeling Maximilian had decided she no longer wished to see him. He could make himself live with that if it didn't mean there was a chance she was still blaming herself. Riftan had to make sure she blamed him by the time he left, if not he knew he would always carry that guilt with him like a chain twisting around and strangling his heart.  

Thankfully sometime during the night the rain finally stopped and Riftan made sure to get out of his room early, wanting to avoid any of the knights or Triton asking him any more questions. He feared his commander already suspected something had happened, Though the man didn’t outright ask him, Riftan could tell the older knight was starting to feel some concern with Riftan. The look Triton had given him last night as he watched Riftan come in soaked to the bone wasn’t helping with the guilt building up in his gut. 

As he tried to think of a good enough excuse for this commander, Riftan turned the corner and instantly spotted Maximilian at the end of the corridor. Part of him wanted to quicken his steps to reach her while another told him to turn around before he made a fool of himself in front of her and her maids. However, she seemed to have spotted him before he made up his mind. He could see her maids whisper something at their lady but she seemed to ignore it as she made her way down the hall towards him. At first, he felt rooted in place, watching her as she slowly approached him, her hands wringing the sleeve of her dress as she walked.

As she was halfway down the hall, Riftan felt himself snap out of whatever trance he had been put under and began to walk up towards her as well. When they finally reached each other, he could feel the disapproval glances of her maids and they both greeted each other. 

“I’m g-glad it st-stopped…raining.” 

The tension he had been holding in his shoulders relaxed, she still wanted to meet him. 

“Th-though, th-th-they say it’ll b-be humid t-tonight.” 

Ignoring the glares from her maids, he gave her a small nod to acknowledge what she had said, making the lady smile slightly though it looked forced before she made her leave. This was the first time she had ever mentioned a time of day. It made him feel a little more relaxed, knowing his rational side was right about something.

Riftan wasn’t exactly sure what time at night Maximilian meant, but it was safe to assume it would be after she slipped away from the banquet. This was good, he had a chance to make this right. To do what needed to be done despite how much the thought of it made him feel sick.

Riftan was relieved when Triton didn’t come to his room. Since he first started staying away from the banquets the man had been pestering him to rejoin them. He was thankful for whatever convinced his commander to finally leave him be. It allowed him to leave straight away toward the gardens, not willing to have the chance to miss her appearing there. The lady didn’t exactly have a set time when she left the banquets, but not once did she stay for every meal presented. 

His stomach started to twist in knots as he quickly made his way through the guest wing and towards the closest exterior door. It was always strange walking the halls during the banquets. The oddly empty and quiet corridors with the light of the setting sun creating stretched out shadows clawing at the walls made the place feel abandoned. 

Even though it felt as though he had made it to the gardens at a rather quick pace, he wasn’t the first one there. Maximilian stood at the center of the wilted garden in a soft blue gown with long flowing sleeves cut in a way that her pale arms were exposed. This was the first time he had ever seen her during the very last ray of sunlight, where the sky was painted an array of reds and oranges that could only be rivaled by her hair. It was a shame that she had it pinned up again, her curls dancing in the light of the fading sun would no doubt be a beautiful sight. 

Maximilian must have felt his gaze on her as she quickly went from seeming to be deep in thought to locking her eyes with his. Neither made a move as they stared in awkward silence, his stomach continuing to twist to the point he was starting to feel nauseous. It was made worse by the warm air which turned thick from yesterday's rain. 

It was strange that the lady seemed to have more nerve than the knight, as she was the first to make her move and walked slowly towards him. While Riftan was only able to react when she finally reached him. By pure instinct he reached out an arm for the lady to take so he could lead her behind the tree line just as he’s done so many times before. 

When they felt they were out of sight from the gardens Maximilian once again demonstrated her courage by speaking up first. He would have been thankful, if the first thing she said wasn’t an apology. 

“I'm s-sorry, m-m-my maids.... I d-don’t th-think they kn-know but th-they’re...it’s h-harder to g-get away.” 

Taking a step back he allowed her hand to drop from his arm, but he wasn’t sure if it was the humidity but it felt as if she still had her hand there, burning into this flesh. 

“I understand.” 

It made sense that her maids would cling to their lady. Closing his eyes, he could still see how red her eyes were when she clung to him, apologizing for what he did. 

"My lady, at the library I... I stepped out of line; I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Opening his eyes, he watched as her gaze dropped to her worrying hands. 

“I s-s-see.”   

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Riftan forced himself to continue. 

“I know you’ve been attempting to court me.” 

He continued to watch her as her bottom lip started to tremble and tears began to form. 

“I-I’m s-s-o s-sor-.” 

“No!” 

Maximilian's head shot up at the outburst, he hated that she looked so scared and confused. All of this needed to be clear for both their sake. 

“Why the hell are you apologizing! I... fuck.” He stopped and took in a deep breath, running a hand over his face. He wanted to speak calmly but his nerves were getting the best of him, if he didn't get this under control she would only come out of this fearing him. 

“I was the one out of line, no you. I should have stopped this a long time ago.” 

She was still on the verge of crying, and from how badly his eyes were starting to sting she wasn't alone. His only solace was that she wasn’t apologizing anymore. Taking another deep breath, Riftan steadied his voice and gave a quick bow to her. 

“Whatever this is…it needs to end.”   

Instantly he heard a little hicc from her and he knew she wasn’t holding back her tears anymore. That part he had been trying so hard to ignore was screaming at him to hold her again to tell her what he said was a lie. Clutching his fist, Riftan made sure to keep his head down as he moved to leave. He wasn’t sure he had the willpower to keep holding back that voice if he saw her right now. 

However, as he took a step away from her, he felt the smallest resistance as she reached out to grab the back of his tunic with one shaking hand. 

“P-please.” 

Why, why was she doing this to herself.  

“This won’t last forever.”   

“I kn-know.” 

“I’ll be leaving in a week.”   

He didn’t hear anything from her but he felt her pull slightly on the fabric. 

“I don’t know when I’ll be back.” 

Still, she didn’t say anything and for one heartbreaking moment he thought his words had finally gotten through to her. Finally made her see reason. That was until he heard her take a step closer to him. 

“My lady...I…I’m a low born bastard.” He struggled to keep his voice steady as he tried to ignore the feeling of her resting her head against his back. “The duke would never approve of this.” 

She kept silent and it felt as if everything he was saying meant nothing to her. She couldn't be this naive, she had to know this needed to stop so why did she stay? Why wasn’t she agreeing with him? Why was she making this so painful? 

For just a moment, Riftan pictured Maximilian standing there long after he’s gone, waiting for him as she grew miserable each passing day. Letting out a shaky breath, Riftan looked up and watched the leaves slowly sway in the breeze, letting in some relief the cool brush of air cooling down his heated face. That would be her fate, just like he knew it would be his.  

"Why?” 

He felt she shift slightly behind him but still no reply. 

“My lady, why do you wish to continue this?”    

Slowly, painfully, Riftan began to turn around as she reluctantly released her hold on his tunic. Her eyes were just as red as they were when she left the library and just like before it was shattering his heart to see what he was doing to her. 

Against his better judgment, Riftan slowly brought his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb gingerly brushing away a tear only for it to be quickly replaced by another.  

“Tell me why.” He didn’t intend to sound so forceful but he was at a breaking point. 

She looked away from him as her hand came up to touch his wrist with the tip of her fingers before wrapping her small hand around it. Despite the humidity he felt a shiver go down his spine at the touch. 

“I...I-I've...”  

Bringing up his other hand he cradled her face, forcing her to look back up at him again. 

“Tell me.” He repeated, in a harsh whisper.

"I-I've...a-always w-wanted you.” 

Fuck it     

He needed to stop this, needed to stay away from her, needed to stop looking up, needed to stay a grub. There were so many things he needed to do, but none of them were what he truly wanted. Pushing her away, ignoring his feelings for her, that was making him miserable. Staying a grub was fucking painful. 

So, fuck it. 

He’ll give into what he wanted in the hopes that what she had meant, and at that moment he really wanted to hug her, kiss her, run his hands though her hair until it was out of that stupid fucking bun. 

So, he did. 

It wasn’t a sweet chaste kiss, with just a shy brush of lips. It was clumsy, bruising and filled with all the passion he had for her. He held her painfully close as the warmth of her kiss made his chest burn and the tiny whimper she let out as his hand became tangled up in her hair allowed his tongue to easily slip between her lips. Everything about her was so intoxicating and soft, her dress, her body, her hair, even the tiny moan he caused by dragging his nails down the nape of her neck was soft. When he felt her pull on his tunic to bring herself closer, he couldn’t help but smile against her impossibly soft lips. 

Riftan was always a blunt man but when it came to his emotions he could never really find the correct words, especially with her. But he could do this, he could pour everything he’s been holding in with this kiss. Maybe then, she could understand how before he lost the ability to love she had already taken root deep in his heart. If she didn’t, then he wouldn't stop, he would kiss her again and again until fully understood his affection towards her.

Part of him didn’t mind that idea, now that he knows what it was like he would give anything to kiss her again, to feel her body shiver under his touch while she clung to him as he kissed her as if it was the only thing in the world he was meant to do. As if he was born for her alone.

Suddenly his chest started to burn, not from the kiss but from forgetting to breathe. It made him chuckle as he finally pulled himself away from her lips causing them both to gasped for air. He had been so wrapped up in seeing what other ways he could kiss her to make her moan or whimper that he didn’t even notice he had moved them to lay on the ground. 

Though he wanted to continue, Riftan moved to lift himself off of her, not wanting to crush her or let her know how badly the kiss had affected him. Despite how much he hated moving away it had a slight benefit of giving him a better view of the lady lying beneath him. Maximilian’s face was flushed with a blush that had spread down her neck and was teasing the top of her bodice. Her hair was also no longer neatly pinned up but was now splayed out across the grass and she had a heat behind her eyes that made him groan. She looked ethereal. 

Gingerly, Riftan removed his hand from behind her neck to brush his thumb over her cheek before slowly moving over her abused lips. Her breath tickled the pad of his thumb as he felt her hand rest on the back of his while the other copied his movements by reaching up to slowly brush the tips of her fingers over the side of his face until they touch his lips. Riftan couldn’t hold back his laugh as her eyes went wide when his tongue darted out to taste her fingers. 

Even if this doesn’t last, even if she would never truly be his, even if it’ll take months before he sees her again, he would take anything she was willing to give and he would cherish every second of it no matter the scars her touch left behind.