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theimpurelily · 7 months

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1: You Still Care

Word Count: 2,390

Notes: Second part of Forget-Me-Not

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Never in his life had Riftan ever felt such hatred for paper. Out of the countless correspondents he had written never before had he felt such trepidation toward putting his words on paper. There was no need for this, Riftan had long ago let go of any anxiety he felt towards his penmanship or grasp on the common tongue. So why, why after years of writing painfully boring correspondence for people he couldn’t tolerate, could he not write her one simple letter?

It wasn’t for lacked of time, he had already been at Anatol for a few days now, having finally come home, finally away from the infuriated nobles at Drachium and finally away from Gabel and Hebaron’s constant pestering and ‘advise’ that he would never admit was possibly helpful. That not being said, part of him wished they had never opened their mouths. Their words did nothing but fill his head and dreams with visions of Maxi in ways he had never imagined before, leaving him too restless in the morning for his liking, like a teenager who couldn’t control himself anymore.

It wasn’t for lack of content, not really, however nothing he had didn't feel suitable to write down. Telling her about the bandits they had dispatched on the way to Drachium might only make her worry and no force on earth could make him to tell her of the noble woman he had to kick out of his chambers on the first night they stated at the capital or how more than one noble whispered the word pagan not so subtly under their breath as he walked by.

No, none of that was necessary to tell her.

Riftan looked down at the letter in his hands, trying his best to ignore the several others that laid crumpled up or ripped apart at his feet. He knew he needed to finish by today, his men were already prepared to go for their possibly months-long excursion to remedy their money issue before he ‘ruined’ them as Ruth so eloquently put it.

It was a necessary trip that he wasn’t looking forward to.

No matter how hard he tried, some cruel force seemed to believe it necessary to keep him away from home. True, he would leave in a heartbeat if he knew the destination would lead to her, but this wasn’t the case and he desperately wanted to just be home for a moment. To have time to examine his lands and keep watch over the construction, to try and see some improvement in his work, to keep an eye on the people who had placed their loyalty so quickly onto his shoulders.

As he rubbed his hand over his face with one hand his other started to run his thumb over the dried ink on the page, staying quiet for a moment before letting out a dejected sigh that echoed against the barren stone walls of his chambers. Out of every letter he had ever written, why did the one for her have to feel so…impersonal.

It was a terribly short letter, with only real mention that he had arrived back at Anatol safe and on the progress of the wall's construction since she seemed interested in that before and made sure to inform her that he would not be home for some time, though he remained vague as to why and…not much else.

It felt strange to write down anything of real detail. Part of him was still worried about the boy she had put her faith in with their letters. Until he felt secure, he didn’t feel the need to risk putting too much on paper.

What good would it do if someone else read how painfully and pathetic he missed her?

How often he found himself looking out at the barren garden and thought of her?

How during his travels, he would catch himself remembering the feeling of her hair in his hands or how it looked shining in the sunlight as he watched the firelight dance.

How badly he just wanted to hold her again, to be swept away by the sound of her voice or the smell of her perfume. Just let her presence sweep away the worries of the world where he could forget for just a moment of the people in Anatol who revered him in a way that made his heart heavy, of Ruth’s worrying over his stay at Drachium or his constant nagging for them to figure out how to rebuilt his land before caused his fortune to run dry.

He couldn’t stop the bitter laugh that crept up his throat as he set the letter down. He wished so desperately she was here, words always seemed to feel so meaningless. He would much rather show how he felt than write it down. But fate wouldn’t allow it, she wasn’t here, she would never be here.

Without really thinking, Riftan slowly moved his hand to touch the stone hanging around his neck. If some day, he found the stone had turn smooth from how often he touched it he wouldn't be surprised. Lately he had found himself toying with it even when during the rare times he wasn’t wearing it and, more often than not, Riftan would wake up to his hand tightly clutching the stone, leaving little marks on the palm of his hand. He wouldn't mind if the marks never left, in some pathetic way it made him feel like there was some part of her that was there to greet him in the morning.

He smiled a little at the thought of that, of being able to wake up with her face being the first thing he sees, her voice the first thing he would hear. Riftan felt his chest start to feel tight as he swallowed down any hope of that happening.

She’ll never be here, just be thankful for what you are allowed to have.

Riftan let out a frustrated sigh as he eventually gave up and resigned himself to the fact that he would ultimately never be satisfied with any letter he sent off. A small part of him wanted to add in more, possibly tell her why he would be gone, however he felt a little…hesitant to do so. Though he knew there wasn’t any point in worrying. There was no need to make her worry or to think poorly of him that he had to resort to this, to hunting down monsters of the dragon subspecies. Harvesting the various profitable parts from high-grade monsters such as drakes, wyverns, and basilisks just so he could keep Anatol going for a year.

Deep down, part of him knew she wouldn’t think that, there had been no look of disdain in her eyes when he mentioned him being a mercenary but still that small little voice, he had pushed down would still find its way back up, gnawing away at him each time he felt just a small hint of anxiety.

Despite all this, the worry of his words and the wish to not put her in danger if the letter were to fall into the wrong hands he did give in and added one last line before sealing the letter.

In the end the excursion was more than worth it.

Not only had Riftan and his men successfully gone about exterminating drakes and other subdragon, harvesting them for everything they are worth, they had also been able to accept commissions from nobles to deal with other threats. At one point, Riftan even found himself taking part in a sword tournament held at the border simply for the prize money.

To no one's surprise, there had been plenty of criticism thrown his way as he ‘lowered’ himself, tarnishing his knightly honor. It didn’t matter what faceless nobles thought of him, it wasn’t as if they held him in high regard before. They seemed to only see him for his skin, marking him as less than, an imposter who was blemish on their high society.

Though he may have been forced to spend months away from home, away from the letter he hoped was waiting for him, Riftan was able to amass all the gold in Wedon’s southwestern parts. This, of course, made Ruth extremely happy.

“Soon, we’ll be the wealthiest in all of the southern region!”

Riftan was busy trying to not stare a hole into the neatly stacked pile of unopened letters waiting for him to go through while Ruth practically bounced with excitement as he opened a chest of gold coins.

“By God, did you stumble across a grave of a hundred basilisks?” said the mage, his eyes sparkling. “How on earth did you manage to obtain so much treasure?”

Riftan shrugged, his eyes darting between the mage and the letters. “A historical site. Just luck, I suppose.”

“You’re like a bloodhound with gold, I tell you!”

The mage chuckled as he weighed the coins one at a time, after which the servants placed them back inside the chest before taking them to the vault. Riftan watched the process, trying to keep his mind off the letters. He would like nothing more than to shoo away Ruth or simply take the pile of letters and rush off to go through them until he found hers. The only thing holding him back was the fact he didn’t wish Ruth to notice. He knew Riftan, knew he hated receiving any sort of letters since they nearly always called him away from home. For him to suddenly wish to drop everything to read one would only bring attention to it. So, he kept his attention on the treasure being taken away until Ruth spoke.

“Do you think that site was the tomb of an ancient queen? Every other treasure beside the coins are all female adornments.”

Riftan flinched ever so slightly. Ruth leaned forward to inspect an elaborate crown studded with emeralds, rubies, diamonds, and topaz. Next to it was a pile of bracelets, earrings, diamond necklaces, rings, silver hair ornaments, and a gilded jewelry chest. As the mage said, they were all items meant for a woman.

After thoroughly appraising the haul, Ruth grumbled, “You should have just sold them and returned with more gold. These would be a tough sell to anyone but the big merchant guilds, and they never come to Anatol.”

Riftan did his best to appear nonchalant as he picked a plum from a tray. “I don’t plan on selling them. I will keep them in the vault.”

“It would be more useful exchanging them for gold,” Ruth said, frowning. “Never mind the exorbitant cost of the wall. Do you know how much it costs to employ all the sentries and servants at the castle? The wisest thing to do would be to keep this value in currency in the event of an emergency.”

“We should have enough to run the estate for now. They say precious metals only increase in value over time. We can sell them when the need arises.”

Though the mage appeared unconvinced, he redirected his attention to counting the gold coins as though he could not be bothered pursuing the argument.

Riftan let out a small sigh of relief and picked up one of the earrings, twirling it so that the light would catch and play with the sapphire stone sitting within the dainty jewelry. It was true that at least some of these ornaments had been discovered at the site. Most, however, had been purchased. He knew he would never hear the end of it if the mage were to find out.

How I spend my money is none of his concern , he thought in silent rebuttal to an imagined reprimand. He knew some of the items would be useless, any jewelry he gave Maxi had to be easy for her to hide, whether in her room or on her person. Looking back, he knew the necklace was a poor choice in that regard. It was far too bulky and the chain too short for her to hide with ease. As he placed the small earring down his eyes went towards the crown and he nearly shook his head at the ridiculous purchase, but he couldn't help but smile at the time as he pictured her wearing it.

As soon as Ruth seemed satisfied with how everything had been sorted and handled Riftan made quick work in shooing the mage out of his office, ignoring his complaints as he shut the heavy door in his face. When he could hear Ruth’s footsteps fading away down the corridor, Riftan quickly spun around and tore through the different letters, reading only the first few words of each one until he found one with delicate writing.

He couldn’t explain why, but just holding her writing, tracing his thumb over the small crease on the corner of the page possibly done by her made him feel so unbelievably happy. He hadn't even read her words yet, but he already felt all exhaustion and homesickness fade away as he settled behind his desk to read the letter.

Riftan had to chuckle a little to himself, her letter was just as mundane as his though somehow it seemed twice as long. She didn’t seem to skip out on any details, telling him how the boy did exactly what he was told without any issues, of her days in the garden playing with the cat.

She even went on to tell him of all the different books she had read written and filled so many pages with just her favorite parts and asking a few timid questions on if some of the monsters in the books where accurate or not and quickly told him that she was trying to avoid going too high up the library’s ladders (though he remember telling her to stay off them completely). There were several parts where she seemed curious as to why he was leaving his home so soon, but her words felt cautious as if she could tell he was hesitant to say anything more. It made him feel slightly guilty but that was quickly washed away when he read the last line of her letter that made his stomach flip and his chest warm up.

Please stay safe,

I miss you as well.

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