#van's reaction to lottie??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lottiembae · 4 months

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FIGHT CLUB; lottie matthews x fem!reader

Summary: y/n get convinced by pj that you need to enter the fight club. lottie didn't like the idea but didn't tell her anything, so she entered too.

Warnings: au bottoms, fluff, blood, two idiots pinning about each other. jackie x shauna in the background.

Note: English is not my first language.

not my gif.

"Have you heard about the new fight club? It is amazing." You said to your friends when you sat down in your usual seat at the cafeteria.

Different reactions from the new information were exchanged. Jackie copied your enthusiasm and clapped, saying that if you are going she is going too, for Shauna's dismay. Van has a similar reaction to Jackie, but in Van's way. Natalie and Laura Lee, indifferent about it but cool with the new club. And then, there are the most skeptical people, Lottie and Shauna. Both brunette girls didn't say anything, just kept eating their food. Shauna has problems sharing her emotions publicly, Jackie is the only one who could cherish it. And Lottie usually gave her opinion in almost everything, and if you are involved it will always be good.

Your focus is entirely on Van and Jackie, a big grin plastered on your face while you talk about it.

"I can't wait to tell Tai. I'm sure she is going too!" Van exclaims excited.

When you were to reply, Lottie wanted to know how you found it so inevitably she interrupted you. "How have you found it?" She asks you softly in comparison to rudely cut you.

All eyes were on her, but she didn't care. The only eyes that care right now would give her the answer. You frown momentarily. "It was PJ. She told me that she, Hazel and Josie created it and she offered that if wanted to join them." You innocently answer.

Lottie bit her tongue, but didn't say anything. She gives you a nod and lets you resume the previous conversation. Her gaze meets Shauna's, who give her a raised eyebrow. Lottie sighs, rolling her eyes. You'll see, it's been a while that a few of them (Shauna, Natalie and Van) started to tease her saying she likes you, every time you two are in the same room her eyes transform in heart eyes, something that is true but never say it to them. It didn't help that they were in the football team playing together. Sometimes she is relieved that she picks to go to the photography club or debate team.

The brown eyed girl doesn't personally meet Josie and PJ. She knew Hazel from the photography club, they didn't exchange many words but the girl seems nice at her every time they are in the same room. About the other two, she doesn't have a based opinion on them because didn't meet them, but Lottie didn't like PJ's vibes.

"Who else could join?" Jackie asks, looking at them. Lottie missed the last part of their conversation, but knowing that the most enthusiastic about it are going to join the club. The football captain looks at Shauna expectant, who was scribbling something in a book. The rest of the girls looked at each other, knowing smiles about the constant situation between the best friends.

Shauna looks up when Natalie lets out a snort, receiving a nudge from Laura Lee. The brunette looks at the rest of the table, confused why all of them are looking at her but understood when her eyes meet Jackie, who already is looking at her with a clearly fake innocent smile.

"What did I lose?" Shauna questioned softly, looking at Jackie.

"You getting into the fight club." Van says out loud, making the rest of the table laugh while Laura Lee disapproves of all their behaviour.

Shauna rolls her eyes, a blush creeping on her cheeks. She knew the moment Y/N commented about it she will go there for Jackie's reaction. So ignoring their friends, her eyes met her favourite hazel eyes.

"Is it necessary that I need to go?" Of course Shauna could put some objections before she says yes.

Jackie rolls her eyes with a smile. "Are you kidding me? I need you there." The captain blinked repeatedly, making Shauna click her tongue sighing.

"Fine." The brown eyed girl gives in, crossing her arms. The whole table cheered for the knowing answer. Shauna curses them, it only makes them tease her more. But it is worth it when Jackie wraps an arm around her shoulder and kisses her cheek in an charming manner for her affirmative answer.

•••

Y/N is in her last period of class that day, sharing it with Van, Lottie and PJ. The redhead and Y/N went to talk with the curly hair girl, who was surprised that two of the most popular girls are talking with her right now. Meanwhile Lottie rolls her eyes when saw her friends go towards her, going to sit on her seat.

It's the first time Y/N wouldn't share the desk with her in the same period. A pang of jealousy ran inside her, watching with her jaw clenched how you opted to sit down with their friend in common, behind PJ seat. She moves her gaze away when the professor enters, muttering a quick apology to come late and proceed to teach the new lesson.

Lottie tried hard to focus on the lesson, but it was difficult when the table from the other side kept whispering through it. She clicked her tongue, frustrated and decided to make a plan for Y/N to forget this stupid fight club thing.

"Lottie! I'm sorry I ditched you, I thought you were behind us." Y/N's voice followed Lottie when the tall girl ran away from the classroom the moment the final whistle sounded.

The brown eyed girl stopped and turned to look at her, not malice in her voice. Even she was giving her a sincere apology. Lottie sighed, she so screwed up. "It's okay, Y/N/N. You can go on your new adventure." The last part was said with a hint of sarcasm, turning on heels and walking to her locker.

Y/N watches confused how her friend walked fast. A whistle on her right side makes her turn to look at Van. "You are in problems..." The redhead sang, patting her shoulder and pushing her softly.

"What do I do?" Y/N asks, a little sad knowing her friend is pissed at her for some reason.

Van hummed. "I have a few ideas." They muttered.

Y/N frown, but Tai and Jackie with a Shauna flying behind her interrupted their conversation. "Alright! It's time to go to our first meeting, let's go!" Jackie grabs Y/N's wrist and brings her with her. The girl noticed she did the same thing with Shauna, who has a brief pout painted on her face.

"Where is it?" Taissa asked, following close behind Y/N and Shauna.

"At the gym!" Van and Y/N said at the same time, remembering the previous exchange of dates with PJ.

Jackie made an abrupt turn and changed the direction, the girls she has a hold on the wrist protest for her lack of delicacy. When they arrived, they were met with two backs standing there inside the gym. The noise the little group did, made the two girls and rest inside look at them. Shauna and Y/N wanted to hide, blushing considerably.

"Sorry, girls! I don't think we would appear like that..." Jackie apologised, without letting her friend's wrists she entered in, greeting Isabel and Brittany.

"Damn, I already love this club..." Y/N could hear Van murmur, letting out a hiss later. She assumed Taissa was responsible.

"You came!" PJ said a little surprised, even if she had the confirmation from earlier, she didn't think Y/N was approaching there, alongside her popular friends too. "Hi! Take a seat please. I was saying that we are punctual and if someone wanted to come and it started, they could be out." The curly hair tried to say it firm, but her nervousness betrayed her.

They sat down, some whispers were heard but they didn't pay attention until someone let out a squeal.

"You all are here!" The characteristic Misty Quigley's cheerful voice greets them. Y/N could hear Shauna grit her teeth, cursing something under her breath. It calls Jackie's attention, who gave her a warning look.

After the interruption, they let the founders explain why they decided to create this club and later they put in pairs to practice. Jackie immediately chose Shauna, Van and Tai got together too, it let Y/N look shyly around her.

"I can go with you!" PJ approaches her, giving her a reassuring smile. Y/N thanked her, she dismissed it and grabbed her hand, going a little away from the girls. "We can practice better without anyone interfering." She explained, blushing when you nod and turned her back at her.

PJ explained what Y/N needs to do, teaching with her hands what she has to do. When she did it wrong PJ grabbed her hand and gently positioned it correctly.

"C'mon, punch me!" PJ encouraged her, putting her fist up.

Y/N grimace, unsure. "Really? I mean, I prefer if you do it first." PJ bit her lower lip, the red shadow coming back at her cheeks. "Are you okay?" The footballer is worried, noticing the red cheeks.

"Yeah, it is hot here." PJ lied, clearing her throat. "Okay, I'll go first and you need to block it and punch me back, alright?" Y/N nods.

PJ licked her lips and nodded to herself, counting to let Y/N time to react. When PJ moves her fist to try to connect with her face, she never thought she actually would hit Y/N's face. She thought the other girl would block and throw back the punch. But Y/N screaming in pain and the sound that makes her nose when her fist connects with her septum, PJ stands stunned on her spot.

Shauna went immediately to help Y/N, the rest of the girls following her. The brunette gently removes Y/N's hands around her face and grimace when saw the blood fall like a fountain. At this PJ reacts, starting to apologise feeling really bad about it.

"Okay, I'm going to take you to the infirmary." Shauna said, standing up and helping her friend. Her other friends accompanied them and the rest looked awkwardly waiting for a new command.

It's Hazel who dismisses the class, promising that they let them know when would be the next class. Josie approaches PJ and wipes her tears, hugging her.

•••

The next day when Lottie sees Y/N almost pass out. The tall girl approaches her and hugs her. "What happened?" She asked, worry. She removed from the hug but stayed closed.

"It's my first punch that I received!" Y/N excited said. It made Lottie frown confused.

"Who punches you?" She inquired, a suspicious look installing on her eyes.

"Relax, it was an accident. PJ was my partner and while she taught me and accidentally hit my nose, I was supposed to dodge it." Y/N explained.

Lottie tense when she heard what happened. Actually she is fuming, wanting to do the same thing with the girl and really teach some real defensive skills.

"You aren't going anymore." Lottie murmurs lowly, grabbing your hand and taking her to her first class, like usual.

Y/N rolled her eyes. "Not offense, Lottie. But I need to remember I play football? And when Stacy Moon punches on the ribs? It's nothing." She tried to reassure her best friend, moving her hand up and down for her arm when they stopped near the class. Natalie passed there and saw the gesture, she rolled her eyes and got inside. "I'll see you later, okay? Nat, wait! Look at my nose!" Lottie rolls her eyes this time, a tiny smile playing on her lips watching her going behind the dyed blonde and showing it.

The brunette saw Shauna trying to hide from her. She scowls, knowing very well why she is doing it. Lottie thought it was a little silly because they shared the first period and they sat down near. She let her friend hide all she wanted, soon Lottie would corner her.

"Before you said anything! There are more of us too, don't blame me." Shauna quickly said, licking her lips nervously.

Lottie rounded her desk while looking at her and sat down on her own. "You are right. I have that in mind in a future." She muttered, advertising her gaze and grabbing her book.

Shauna frowned, not liking the reaction her friend is having. She knows how protective Lottie is when Y/N is involved. She could understand because she felt the same with Jack-... nevermind, what Shauna wants to know is why Lottie isn't around Y/N but she is, how is the responsibility to take care of Y/N pass to her?

The rest of the class Shauna was uncomfortable, wishing it finishes and went to her second period, gladly she has it with Tai and not Lottie.

Lottie went to her second class and saw how PJ and Hazel entered it. Her first impulse was to approach the curly hair girl and punch her, but already she has suffered it on her nose. She thinks about Y/N and what would she say to her if she threatened PJ. So Lottie walked with her jaw clenched, an arm around her shoulder distract her. Turning her eyes to the person she saw a snide smirk in Nat's face.

"Easy there tiger. Y/N told me about it. PJ didn't have the fault either Y/N." The blue eyed girl said, entering the classroom and going to the end of the class, sitting on her usual desk.

Lottie gave her a sarcastic smile, rolling her eyes.

•••

After the accident, PJ went to the infirmary encouraged by Josie and Hazel and went to apologise. For her luck, Y/N reassuringly said that it was an accident. Even she made a joke that now they are matching, pointing their noses.

So the next day they have another class and two new members. Y/N's eyes opened and grinned excitedly when she saw Lottie and Natalie walk inside. The expressions they were wearing were very different. Lottie wore a serious expression, softening it when saw Y/N's face and Natalie had a smug smirk the whole time.

"You two are here!" Y/N exclaims excited, giving them a brief hug.

"I have convinced her." Natalie sang, giggling when Lottie gave her a dirty look. She patted Y/N's shoulder and went with Van and Tai sitting with them.

Y/N grabs the brunette hand and goes to sit down on the floor, waiting for the class to start. "I thought you were skeptical about it." She teases her, nudging her shoulder with hers.

Lottie rolls her eyes, a playful smile resting on her lips. "I still think this is stupid, but I will give an opportunity." She said in a boring tone, chuckling when Y/N punched softly in her arm. "That and to defend you from these angry girls."

Before Y/N could reply, Hazel approaches them and greets Lottie animatedly. "Hey! I'm glad you are here." She said sincerely.

They engaged in a short conversation, Y/N staying aside and listening to it. Her mind is picturing why these two know each other. Her didn't wonder too much because someone was clapping to call their attention. Before Hazel goes with PJ and Josie, she asks Y/N how she felt from yesterday's event.

"How do you know her?" Y/N asked curiously, following the calm girl step towards the pair. Lottie turned to look at her, a little surprised by the tone she used, but she decided to not point it out.

"She is in the photography club too. She is really good at it." The brunette explained, biting her lip.

Y/N nods, pursuing her lips.

"Already! Today we will continue with yesterday's movements and before we finish, practice against each other. It continues for tomorrow all day, okay? Let's go!" Josie exclaims, clapping with her hands and dismissing the group in pairs.

Y/N and Lottie stood up. "Can you go with Nat? I don't want to let PJ out." She pouted.

"Really?" Lottie asked, unbelievable. But Y/N begged her and intertwined her hands, making emphasis. "Okay. But only this time." She rolled her eyes, scolding herself and reproaching she needed to be stronger. Spoiler: she will not.

For this, Y/N grabs Lottie's face between her hands and tiptoeing, she kisses her cheeks repeatedly. Then, she went towards PJ, letting a blush mess behind her.

The rest of the session they have a lot of fun. Y/N punched a few times at PJ, without intention. The same with the curly hair girl, the best part is that they have some good laughs about it. Then, they all gathered in the middle and the first ones to fight each other were the best friends, followed surprisingly with Shauna and Misty. A good tie. And before they call it over, Y/N and Jackie were the last ones.

"Scared, baby girl?" Jackie teasingly said with an amused smile. Y/N rolls her eyes when she hears the nickname her friend gives her at the start of the year.

"Sure." Y/N murmurs, positioning herself and looking at her with deep concentration.

They rounded themselves a few times, cheerful from the other girls who were heard in the big gym. Jackie is the first one to attack Y/N, but this one dismisses it quickly, gaining support from the presents there. The next time Jackie does the second attack, Y/N dodge it and throw her fist to Jackie's left cheek, hitting her. The captain let out a hiss, Y/N worried a little when she hit her but soon positioned herself in position when Jackie quickly reacted and gave her a kick on her ribs. Y/N doubled herself on the floor, bringing her hand to the kicked zone.

"Shit! Are you alright?" Jackie's raspy voice sounded more, she bent down and put a hand on her shoulder.

Lottie and PJ approach them fast, making them stop abruptly and look at each other. PJ's gaze is awkward while Lottie is serious.

"I'm fine." Y/N let out a hiss, but reassure her friend who looks really worried.

"Okay, I think it is over. Good fight girls." Josie said.

Shauna walked to Jackie and Y/N, nudging Lottie when she passed by her side. The brunette bit her lip and gave PJ a force smile. "Good job, PJ. I can't wait to come back." If PJ knows her, she would catch the real meaning of those words, but Lottie is really good at hiding it and only Shauna and Jackie catch them.

PJ nods, relaxing. "Cool. See you tomorrow!" She said and walked fast to her friend.

"Give her a break, Matthews." Jackie scolded her, helping Y/N with Shauna's help.

"Shut up." Lottie muttered.

•••

The days passed and Lottie actually started liking these classes. She couldn't go to every class due to her extra classes, but when she could go, it was a really good time.

It worsened the crush she has on Y/N. Her eyes are prolonging more on her figure and her dreaming is interrupted by her friends, receiving later teasing comments.

For Y/N, it changed too. She didn't know she had something for Lottie until that Hazel girl started to talk more with her, making her laugh. Y/N commented on it with Van, since she knew the redhead more than the other girls. The freckled redhead said to her between some teasing and joking comments that she has a crush on Lottie. At first Y/N denied it, but then Van started to point things and then she assumed the redhead was right.

And it didn't help that the same day Y/N could face Hazel wad the day that two couldn't stop talking, making Y/N really piss about it. Shauna and Van intervene to hold Y/N when she pinned Hazel on the floor and started punching her, not with a strong hit but enough to make some cut to the kind brunette. Lottie went to help Hazel, a worried look on her face and it made Y/N angrier, so with quitting the hold on her figure she stormed out, not looking back.

Y/N ran away from there, her legs took her to the changing room. She sighed and let out a huff, sitting on her usual bench. The best part is that she has training sessions now and it means she will see Lottie. And she probably will be angry with her.

"There you are." PJ's voice interrupted her mind. She is panting, bending down and putting both hands on her knees, catching some air. It amused a little Y/N.

"You are in the right place." Y/N inevitable remark at her, PJ rolls her eyes but walks towards her, sitting on the floor with her knees up while reposing her arms there, looking at her.

"What happened there?" The curly hair girl asks softly.

Y/N averted her gaze, clicking her tongue. "I don't know... I just got a lot of information I guess..." She mutters, playing with her fingers on her lap. She isn't lying, after all.

"You like Lottie Matthews." PJ points out, making Y/N open her eyes and stammering repeatedly a no. PJ gave her a kind smile. "I see how you look at her," the blue eyed girl said, shrugging. "It's the same manner I look at Brittany... Or any girl in general." The last comment made Y/N laughs, PJ laughed with her. "Look, you need to confess to her because it could be bigger and maybe you regret it in the future to not tell her how you really feel. Remember that you aren't losing anything."

"What about her friendship?" Y/N asks, unsure.

"Right." PJ said under her breath, frowning." But it wouldn't happen." She reassured her. Y/N threw at her and wrapped her arms around her neck, taking surprise at PJ.

"She is here!" Someone yells, making both jump. Y/N scolded Van, who wiggles their eyebrows.

Y/N raised her index finger in the air. "Don't say anything." She warns at the redhead.

Van raised their hands in the pockets of their jacket. Soon, the rest of the girls approach there. PJ stood up, feeling really nervous.

"I think I'm going with Josie and see how Hazel is," Y/N grimace with Hazel's name and PJ immediately rectified, not wanting to make her feel bad. "Or not, she is fine." Then, she waves and walks fast from there.

Natalie steps towards Y/N and gives her backpack. "And I thought you were the weak one." She receives a nudge from her, making Nat chuckles. The dyed blonde patted her arm and went to change.

Y/N sees how the rest do the same, the girls don't go to the fight club showing up. But what called her attention was Lottie. The brunette is standing near her, crossing her arms while trying to decipher her. She stood up too and stepped towards her.

"Lottie, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it." She apologised, feeling bad. The brown eyed girl shakes her head softly, making the other frown. "No...?"

"It's not me you need to apologise." Lottie gently told you and with a sight she went to change too.

•••

When Y/N thought anything could go more bad, she was wrong. Following Lottie's advice, Y/N went to apologise with Hazel. But she doesn't have time to do it because when she approached the class was going to start, so she made a mental note to speak with the girl after it finished.

It never happened.

Result that the girls went to do an adventure to Jeff's house. Y/N really enjoyed it, she was sticking with Nat and Van the whole time. That's not the reason why Y/N didn't apologise, she didn't even know that she was going but Jackie threw her at the van.

During class, they decided to open up and say why they want to learn to fight. Y/N and Lottie never got the opportunity to speak on it. She didn't know how everything started but PJ accused Hazel and Josie accused PJ. Hazel stormed out when PJ told her a hurt comment.

Then, in the introduction to the football team, a player called them out. Hazel fought with a guy who was in a cage. It happened too that PJ and Josie lied to them, they never went to a juvie centre. Y/N felt betrayed, like the rest of the girls.

Since that day, Y/N hasn't talked with Lottie. Scared to give her the reason, that she was right from the start. In the training session she avoided Lottie and remains with Nat or Shauna. They tried to reason with her, but it did not matter what they said to Y/N, the girl didn't listen.

So right now, it is the big day. The football team would play against their big rivals. Y/N has the jacket of her team, walking between Van and Tai to the stands. Someone has another plan and pulled her hand and took her under the stands. Y/N did not oppose resistance when her eyes found the long brown hair cascading on her back. It is Lottie.

She let out Y/N's hand and crossed her arms, looking at her with a defeat look. The other girl noticed how prominent dark circles are under her eyes, telling her how bad she is sleeping.

"I don't know why you are ignoring me. But please, stop. It hurt me, from all of the people you can't be mad at me. I don't care if some of the others are mad at me..." Lottie begged, Y/N saw how she was holding her tears.

Y/N felt like a bad person. She didn't deserve Lottie at all. She brings her hand to grab one of her hands, caressing the palm in circles. "I'm sorry, Lottie. I'm not pretending to hurt you I just don't want to confront you or you telling me about how bad the club idea was... I'm a stupid."

"You aren't a stupid. And I can't say it was a good idea because in some way the girls helped us." Lottie murmurs, catching with her thumb yours.

"There is one more reason..." Y/N advertised her gaze, feeling shy about it. Lottie brings her free hand to her cheek, her gaze coming back to the brunette, seeing the warmth on her brown eyes. "I realised, with Van's help," she poorly said, seeing a tiny smirk appear on Lottie's lips. "That I like you, like you. That's why I acted with Hazel like that. I mean it's not a reason to excuse my behaviour. I guess I got jealous and..." Lottie shush you with her finger, lit on her eyes. The height difference showing up since Y/N needed to look up.

"Can you repeat it?" Lottie asked in a husky voice, hopeful swimming in her eyes and on her smile.

"I guess I got jeal-," "Not that part." Lottie chuckles.

"I like you." Y/N whispered.

Lottie closed the gap and brushed her lips with hers, bringing her other hand to her cheek and caressing the skin there, deepening the kiss. After they need breath and separate, Lottie leans her forehead on Y/N's, brushing their noses.

"I like you too." Lottie confess.

But before they could continue on their bubble, Josie and PJ interrupted them and between apologies, they asked for their help.

"We could do it better." Lottie whispered on Y/N's ear, kissing her head while the girl leaned on her shoulder giggling, covered in blood just like her. The arm the brunette has on her waist pushed softly towards herself, trying to be the most near possible.

They saw Shauna and Jackie's first kiss.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets imagine #lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader

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before-it-felt-like-a-sin · 3 months

Note

Ok, how about Natalie X reader, the scene where they find the lake, but reader is too self conscious to strip down in front of everyone and go for a swim?

Pretty Girls

Anon this is a lovely request but imma be so Fr I can't remember the exact dialogue so enjoy my bullshit <3

Warnings: insecure reader, mentions of body image issues, no smut but a bit of a heated make out, not proofread and also written on my phone <3

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"I found a lake," Taissa announced as she returned from her hike,"It's about four miles from here. We should hike it."

"We aren't leaving. What if the rescue team comes?" Jackie responded, clearly annoyed.

"I hate to break it to you, but it's been three days. They aren't coming, and we're running out of water. We need to head to the lake." Taissa's voice was firm.

Secretly, you agreed with Tai, but you weren't going to get in the middle of this argument. The last thing you needed was Jackie pissed at you. There was enough division as it was.

"We should put it to a vote," Jackie announced. So much for no more division, "All for staying here, raise your hands."

Three people agreed. Jackie, Lottie, and Laura Lee all raised their hands.

"Okay, all for heading to the lake?" Taissa asked now, and nearly all of the group put up their hands. Even Shauna, which was shocking. Who knew she'd go against Jackie like that.

"Looks like we're heading to the lake. Get your shit." Wit that, everyone began packing up any belongings not already in their suitcases.

About twenty minutes later, you all were ready to start your hike. You fell into step beside Lottie as you walked.

"Hey. I know you didn't want to do this," you said.

"Honestly, I was more worried about Jackie's reaction than actually leaving the plane." Lottie smiled at you. You laughed lightly in response.

The two of you walked in silence for a while, listening to everyone chatter on and on. A few girls had started complaining, and you heard Jackie say something about how Tai must have been wrong about the distance from the crash site.

That's when Van saw the lake.

"Hell yeah bitches!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down. Soon, everyone was racing down to the water, stripping off tee shirts and shorts. You hung back, not entirely wanting everyone to see your bare stomach.

"You don't want to swim?" Natalie spoke softly into your ear. You jumped at the unexpected closeness. The two of you hadn't really had time to spend together since the crash.

Your relationship to Natalie was a complicated one. You had began hanging out with her because Van and Tai had started spending more time with each other, leaving the two of you with each other. You'd had a crush on Natalie for a while, and you enjoyed spending time with her. Recently, though, she'd begun to flirt with you. Nothing major, just jokes about how pretty you were, or messing with your hair, or good-natured teasing about your interests. You weren't entirely clear on where you stood.

"Just not totally sure how I feel about stripping in front of everyone." You laughed as you spoke, as if trying to convince both Natalie and yourself that it really was a joke. Even if you knew it wasn't.

"You afraid they'll stare?" She teased.

"Yeah, actually. Just not for the reason you think." You giggled again, but it was harder to be convincing this time.

"Hey, if you're set on not swimming, that's fine. But no one is going to judge you for the way you look. I think we've moved past that point."

"Yeah, well, the rest of you have been changing in front of each other for ages. This kind of thing is new to me."

"Whatever you say, gorgeous. I'm swimming. You should too. I know I wouldn't judge you." She smirked at you in a way that made heat rise to your cheeks.

"Mm. And you've also never seen me naked, so I don't think you can say that yet."

"Okay, y/n." With that, she walked to the edge of the lake, stripping her shirt and pants as she walked across the pebbles.

You didn't stare. You in fact made a point not to stare. But it seemed that as soon as you looked up at her, she moved her head to catch you looking. She smiled at you, and nodded her head toward the lake.

As you looked back at her, you rolled your eyes and shook your head. There was no way you were getting in that water. The whole team didn't need to see your stomach and stretch marks.

Well... maybe you'd take off your shirt. You had a sports bra on. That was full coverage enough, right? Plus, your jeans had a high waist on them. Not much would be on display.

Cautiously, you peeled off your t-shirt, hoping no one would notice. Or care. As you shook your hair free from the confines of the fabric, you felt eyes on you.

In the middle of the lake, you caught Natalie staring at you this time. When she saw that you caught her, she averted her eyes. But something about her eyes on you made you feel good.

Not good enough to take your pants off, but you'd take what you could get.

You balled up your shirt and put it down on the rocky beach so you'd be able to lie down. If nothing else, you were going to enjoy the sun. Maybe not in the same way as everyone else, but you were going to enjoy it.

You lay in the sun for a bit, letting it warm you and only worrying a little bit about the sun damage that was occurring to you. You survived a damn place crash. Cancer seemed so irrelevant now.

It was nice, you thought, that even after what had happened, you were all able to have fun like this.

"Y/n! Get your ass in here!" Van called.

"No!" You yelled back, laughing.

"Lame ass," she responded.

"That's me." With that, you went back to your sunbathing and daydreaming. The only thing that would make this better would be-

"What the fuck!" You exclaimed, dripping water. Somehow, someone had managed to dump a whole bucket of water on you.

You looked up to see it was Van and Taissa. You'd expected Van, but Tai was a low blow. Although, best friends would do that kind of shit to you.

"Taissa Turner I swear to god. I could kill you right now." Your hair was soaked, your mascara was running, and your pants... well, wet jeans aren't ever the move.

"Now you have to swim," Van said, clearly not sensing your anger.

"No, now I have to fucking change out of one of the few pieces of clothing that's actually clean. Thanks for that."

"Whoa, sorry. We didn't think you'd be upset about it. We just wanted you to have fun." Taissa looked at you apologetically. You found yourself forgiving them almost immediately. They were just trying to get you to have fun. There hadn't been much of that lately.

"Still a little pissed at you. But it's fine. I'll just change." You started getting up to find your suitcase.

"Or... hear us out... you come swim with us. It'll be fun." Van looked at you expectantly, hoping you'd say yes.

Maybe...

No. You couldn't. What if they stared at you. What if Natalie stared at you. What if she saw you in your underwear and decided she was done flirting with you.

"Y/n, come on. We all know each other here. No need to be a prude," Van teased.

"Oh, well in that case." You rolled your eyes.

"You know you want to." Taissa poked your shoulder. And she was right. You did want to swim. You just didn't want to swim in front of everyone.

But it would feel so nice. And you'd be able to wash away some of the dirt and sweat from the last few days. Maybe you'd feel less... disgusting.

"Fine." You began to peel off your wet jeans.

Deep breaths, you thought, as the warm spring air hit your thighs. No one was looking at you. Right? Well, except Taissa and Van. But they'd seen you change before. You surveyed the rest of the team. No one was looking at you. Except-

Natalie.

Goddammit.

She just kept staring as you stripped down to your underwear. Luckily for you, you were wearing something full coverage.

The way she was looking at you was almost hungry, like she was drinking in your entire body. Nothing would take her eyes off you.

This was it. This was when she decided all the flirting was over. She didn't like the way you looked under the sweaters and baggy pants. She-

Was walking towards you. Out of the water. Away from everyone else.

"Tai-" you started, before you realized that she and Van had walked away. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Without thinking, you started walking towards the lake. The sooner you were submerged, the better. And you really didn't want to talk to Natalie when you were this exposed.

As you passed Natalie, you wrapped your hand around her wrist and drug her along with you.

"Come on. We're swimming. You can't get out as soon as I decide to get in." She doesn't resist as you pull her behind you, back into the lake.

"Whatever you say. I'm glad you decided to get in."

"Well, Taissa thought it was a good idea to dump water all over me. I would've had to change in front of everyone anyways. Might as well suck it up and get into the water while I'm at it."

"I told you no one would stare." She smirked and pushed the water toward you, splashing you a bit.

"Mm. Someone was staring," you responded, trying to get her to tell you why she had looked at you the way she did.

"Who?" She asked. You couldn't tell if she really didn't know who you were talking about, or if she was feigning innocence.

"Um. You?" You replied, looking at her with a quizzical look on your face.

"That was because I wanted to see if you were really going to swim. Not to judge you."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you say."

"Did you want me to be judging you? Because I wouldn't do that. To anyone. But especially you. You're like, really pretty or whatever."

"Really pretty or whatever? Such a romantic, Scatorccio." With as much force as you can, you splash her.

After she recovers from the shock of the water being splashed in her face, she looks at you with a challenge.

"No Nat please I didn't-"

Before you could finish your sentence, finish apologizing, she shoved you under the surface of the lake. You didn't have time to do much, except inhale right before she pushed you down.

When you resurfaced, the first thing you heard was her laughter.

"Wow. That was a bit excessive," you said, once you had caught your breath. She was still giggling.

"Had to retaliate somehow." She shrugged, but she did look slightly apologetic.

"Asshole."

"It's how I show my love."

"Awww, you love me?" You mocked.

"Oh, fuck off."

You just laughed at her.

She was doing it again. Staring at you. Subconsciously, you tried to cover yourself up with your arms. It didn't really have the desired effect.

"You're gorgeous," she said, eyes still on you.

"You don't have to say that." You tried to be nonchalant, but you felt your cheeks heating up.

"I'm not just saying that." She moved closer to you. When she reached you, she gently moved your arms out of the way of your body, leaving you more exposed than you'd like.

She looked at you straight in the eyes. Something about it made your knees weak. There was so much love in her face. She was looking at you like you were the only girl in the world.

"I want to kiss you so bad," she whispered in your ear. You shivered at the closeness.

"Maybe not in front of everyone," you whispered back.

"Embarrassed of me?" She joked.

"No," you laughed, "I just hate PDA"

"I have an idea then." She beckoned for you to follow her out of the lake.

You walked behind her as she led you across the beach. The only person that seemed to notice you was Taissa, and she just smiled as you passed.

Natalie continued to lead you to the edge of the woods, in a place just secluded enough. You could still hear everyone, but they wouldn't be able to see you.

Before you knew it, you were pressed up against a tree, the bark scratching your bare back.

"Can I kiss you?" Natalie asked, brushing your hair out of your eyes.

You nodded, and as soon as she got your consent, her mouth was on yours. Her lips were slightly chapped, and you appreciated the roughness of them. But her movements were soft.

Her hands rested on your hips, and her fingers were cold. Her lips felt too good on yours for you to care. You tangled your fingers into her damp hair, pulling her closer.

She pulled away for a moment to whisper to you.

"Do you believe me about you being gorgeous now?" She asked, looking at you with her pupils blown out and lips puffy from kissing.

You laughed, "I guess."

Seemingly satisfied with your response, she went back to kissing you. But now, she was kissing any inch of skin available to her. Your forehead. Your jawline. Your ear. Your neck. She didn't go any lower than that, which you appreciated. You weren't sure how ready you were for anything more. Especially in the woods.

"Y/n? Natalie?" You heard Tai's voice from a distance. "Lottie saw something. We're going to go see what it is. Come back, please."

With that, Natalie looked at you again, eyes full of hunger and want.

"Do this again later?"

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets showtime #yellowjackets season 1 #natalie scatorccio #natalie yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio x curvy! reader #natalie scatorccio x fem reader #natalie scatorccio x you #natalie scatorccio x y/n #natalie scatorccio headcanons #teen natalie scatorccio #teen natalie #natalie Scatorccio x insecure reader

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eightstarr · 7 months

Text

i know — van palmer.

summary: you can't remember a life before van, but there was one. there must've been one. it feels ridiculous to think about. you'd rather think about her, rather think about this— two moments then, and two moments now (and so, so many to come).

notes: heyyy i know i said i would post this like a month ago, i fully forgot!! if there was like one person waiting i'm sorry and i love you sm <3 also this ignores the plot entirely and i wanna make that very clear just in case!! it's like a nothing happened and we're all okay au! anyway here's to my loser girl and to whoever also finds themselves staring at the wall in silence thinking about her :)

୨・┈﹕✦﹕﹕✦﹕┈・୧

THEN.

"You're hogging the blanket," Jackie mutters over a mouthful of popcorn, purple polished nails tugging at the soft fabric.

She's right— you are. "I'm not," you say, and bring your legs close to your chest partly so they can offer some kind of comfort, but mostly so they're not touching the unknown dangers of the floor anymore.

The TV flashes red and Jackie's living room is bathed in it, along with all your faces.

Shauna snorts at a man getting brutally and very unrealistically decapitated on the screen and pulls her own blanket closer to her best friend before she even has to ask. They do that a lot; talk without words. Any other time you would've noticed, thought that's cute and smiled to yourself, but right now you're too terrified.

The movie is bad. Or, that's what you have to keep reminding yourself of. It's lazy in a way that's bordering on comical and needlessly violent in a way that proves that it was written by a man with interesting fantasies. You shouldn't be scared, but you are.

Another death earns you a few minutes of quiet, though you know the build up to the next one will be worse. The characters cry and fret over the dead body of their friend but the killer is nowhere to be seen, disappearing conveniently into the night. You're granted a scene of daylight but the sun comes and goes, and then the screen turns to dark violets and blues again and you're tensing up in your seat.

It's fine, at first— the pretty blonde girl is yielding a kitchen knife and walking around while her muscled boyfriend boards up the windows of the big house. Lottie shifts where she's sitting on the floor next to Laura Lee's legs and whispers about why they would lock themselves in instead of taking their chances outside, which is 'obviously the smartest thing to do'. You don't have time to process what she's saying because suddenly an ax is clawing its way through one of the windows and the characters are screaming and, well, so are you.

"Fuck!" You curse, jumping and landing yourself halfway into Van's lap, the softness of her thighs under your own, your back against her chest.

Van blinks, more startled by your reaction than the scene itself, her hands coming up to steady you and then immediately dropping back down a second after they brush over the cotton of your shirt. She lets out a shaky breath and does not think about how good your weight feels on top of her, because that would be a bad thought, a questionable thought. And it should not have been the first one to pop into her mind. Definitely not. That would be embarrassing. That would be bad.

You cover your eyes with one hand as the sounds of screaming come to a crescendo and hold one of her hands tightly with the other, mumbling sorry, sorry, sorry as if you're doing something wrong. As if you don't know that, even if you were, Van is incapable of being mad at you. Famously so. Everybody knows.

She looks around the room to the rest of the girls. No one is staring, too busy chewing popcorn and wrinkling their noses at the more gruesome special effects. Van turns her head back to you. A million thoughts rush in, overwhelming and unforgiving. Something about the soft tint of chapstick on your lips, the curve of your nose, the shape of your fingers. Things she's noticed before -Van is often greedy of all your details-, but not in this way, never from this close. She can smell your shampoo from here. Somewhere in the back of her mind, over the scent of honey and strawberries, she wonders if she's going insane.

Your body noticeably relaxes as the violence dissipates, your grasp on her hand loosening slightly. When you uncover your eyes, the final girl is clawing her way through the woods. You're unsure of how she got out of the house, but too comforted by the thought of the movie finally coming to an end to care.

Van is scared to say anything, scared to move— if she does, you might push yourself off of her, ignore her for the rest of the night because you're embarrassed. The thought is ridiculous. You'd never ignore her, you're not that kind of person, but it's what she would do. Except she'd probably never be in this position in the first place, because she'd never be brave enough to throw herself on your lap, even if she was as scared as you were. And that's just it anyway, it's not like you chose to do this. You didn't pick her. You would've found the same comfort in anyone's arms. Right? Van feels you shift closer, just slightly, like you're unaware of it. Right?

Her forehead falls on your shoulder as she thinks herself sick.

"It's scary, right?" You whisper, confusing her crisis for fear. Your fingers wrap around her bicep, soft and absentminded when they brush up and down her skin, trying to make her feel better.

Van feels her stomach flip, her hands twitch. In another world, she would wrap her arms around your waist and press her lips to your ear, mumble something stupid like if you say so, baby just to annoy you. Here, though, all she does is nod her head. She whispers back, "Yeah, it is."

She looks up at the screen, tries to be scared, to be invested. You relax further into her, personal and comfortable as if there's no one in the room but the two of you. Van blinks. She can't give you the name of the girl on the screen. A minute passes and your back straightens suddenly, but you don't rush to slide off her lap. You do it carefully, not because you want to but because you're worried about making her uncomfortable. Van wants to pull you back but she's never faced anything as daunting. She comforts herself with the thought that one day she will, a hungry attempt at manifesting or breaking a mental wishbone or something. For now, she follows you with her eyes and feels her anxiety melt away when you notice her staring and give her a smile. The movie's not yet over. She looks back. Who's the bad guy again?

—

NOW.

Van likes to pretend that she's a better cook than she is. Someone else might find it funny, annoying even, but you can't find it anything but cute. You love telling her that you've run out of food and watch her scoff and puff up her chest.

"I'll make you something out of nothing," she'll say. Then she'll open the fridge and bend at the waist, stare at said nothing for a solid two minutes before resurfacing and declaring that she's craving pizza from the place down the street, anyway, so there's no point in cooking.

At the grocery store the next day, you make sure to buy the essentials for the one pasta recipe that she does actually know how to make. Van likes to feel useful. And you like to indulge her every need, maybe a little too much.

You pick the sweetest looking tomatoes for the sauce, no real expertise behind your method— you're not exactly an amazing chef, either, but the two of you do just fine. Someone calls your name in the middle of bagging the last tomato and you turn to meet a face you had almost forgotten about.

"Katie Lopez?" Van asks again, staring at the folded piece of paper with the almost-stranger's number that you'd gotten without asking (a friendly gesture, you're pretty sure) after a slightly lengthy conversation that carried on even after your multiple anyway, I should probably get going's.

You're telling Van about the encounter while washing the tomatoes in the sink, sleeves rolled up. Your cheeks are warm with kisses like they always are when you make it back to her, as if she wants to reward you for it. You've been hers for so long, and she's still amazed at the fact that you come home to her. "Yes," you repeat. "Why is that so shocking?"

"It's not," she says, flicking the paper where it sits on the counter, kinder than her original need to ball it up or light it on fire or something even more dramatic. She moves to open the cabinet and starts putting away the canned goods you've brought. "I just didn't know you guys were close."

"We're not. She was just being polite."

Van hums. For a moment you think she'll let it go, but of course she won't. She doesn't like the thought of someone flirting with you when she's not there and she especially doesn't like the thought of that someone being Katie fucking Lopez, who's most memorable for fingering girls in the bathroom for most of your shared high school experience.

Van clears her throat and the cabinet closes with a thud louder than she intended, definitely not because she was caught up picturing you under Katie's gaze. She means to sound casual, but she's not trying very hard when she asks, "She ever try to get with you?"

You spare her a single glance, as if to check that she's serious. Of course she is. "What, in high school?" You shake your head, chuckling like the idea is funny. "No. She was more into the cheerleader type."

Van knows that you're right. Still, she squints her eyes at you, ginger hair leaning to one side when she tilts her head. "Is that a hint of resentment that I'm hearing?"

You've gotten good at knowing how to handle her jealousy. It's only fair, considering that she's gotten good at handling yours. Neither are ever that serious. "I was making a neutral observation."

You know she's creeping closer before you feel it. You know her too well. "Yeah?" She mutters, her hands on your hips as she presses herself to your back. Her nose is familiarly cold where it brushes against your neck.

You dry your hands and lean back on instinct, and she doesn't flinch at the added feeling of your weight. Van can be a lot like a brick wall, but you don't usually tell her that, unless you're feeling extra sweet and want her to grin like a cocky little shit for the rest of the day. "You were into that type, too."

Van scoffs, a soft gust of air on your neck. "I was into you," she says.

You hum, purely fucking with her. "Maybe."

"May— what the fuck are you talking about?" She pulls away just enough to prove that she's actually offended. And she is, because the idea is ludicrous and yeah, she's taking it personally. You can question Van about anything you want, except for the fact that she's been in love with you for more than half of her life. "When did you ever see me looking at cheerleaders?" She asks.

You and Van work for a lot of reasons. You work because you're different where it matters, enough to balance each other out, and you work because you're the same in everything else. You might've been just teasing her at first, but now the thought does that stupid thing where it starts to linger and -just like she had thought about you and Katie- you can almost picture it in your head, a younger Van standing on the soccer field, her eyes trailing over a girl's short uniform skirt. You roll your eyes, annoyed mostly at yourself. "Oh, don't act like you wouldn't have loved for them to shout your stupid name."

Van chuckles. She can read your train of thought like a book. She knows you too well. "Stupid name, huh? You're cute when you're jealous." And a little mean, too, but in a way that makes her weak in the knees. She won't be telling you that part. You already know, anyway.

You pull the hands that are wrapped around your waist away from you. Van lets you— she wants to see where this is going. "Not jealous," you mutter.

"No?" She teases, half-heartedly disappointed when you don't turn around to let her kiss you.

You look at her over your shoulder and then make eye contact with the piece of paper on the counter, recalling the words of your old classmate. Call me whenever. We should totally hang out. You're too old to be telling people you should 'totally hang out', but Katie Lopez hasn't changed much from the last time you saw her. You hold back the urge to wrinkle your nose at the memory of that same teenager-trying-to-be-cool smirk that she gave you throughout the whole interaction and hum thoughtfully, like you've been tempted. "Maybe I will call her—" you take one step towards the counter in a half assed attempt to reach for the paper but Van is unusually quick as she strides forward and takes it in her hands, tongue poking into the inside of her cheek as she rips it in two. "Van!" You gasp.

"What? Don't tell me you were actually gonna use it," she pouts. "You're breaking my heart, baby."

You try to take the two pieces away from her and all you earn is her breaking it in four, holding it above your head. You're laughing as you slap her shoulder. "God, you're so stupid."

Van raises her eyebrows, mismatched numbers wrinkled in her hand. She drops them on the counter in favor of cupping your face, pressing a contained short peck to your lips. Don't feel bad, she won't hold back for long. "Stupid like my name?"

"I love your name," you shake your head, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love it. Just as long as it's mine to say."

It is yours, but you know that already.

—

THEN.

Van's room smells like the incense you got her. You wonder if she used it just to appease you because she knew you were coming, but it's a silly thought. Van likes you. You know this now. She takes everything you give her (your time, your smiles, your kisses) like it's a precious gift, so you can't imagine that she would neglect an actual gift.

Your grandmother said you should light the incense before a game, to bring you good luck and calm your nerves, and you're not ashamed to admit that you bought Van her own pack the very next day. Everything makes you think about her lately, especially this kind of thing. You're not even sure that the incense works, but why wouldn't you share it with her? She deserves all of it— good luck, a stomach free of nerves, at the very least a nice lingering scent if your grandma's beliefs turn out to be a myth. But you hope they don't.

Your girlfriend is anxious more often than you are, but never really about a game. Van knows that she's good at soccer. She's nervous about other things. Keeping her side of the house clean, being able to afford Sinéad O'Connor tickets, what her mom's mood will be like tomorrow, English assignments but only because she thinks the professor is the coolest guy alive and she wants to impress him even if she won't admit it. And lately, there's another thing. She worries about whether you'll look at her one day and realize that you're too good for her.

You know about some of her anxieties, but clearly not all of them. She can picture your reaction if she were to share the last one with you, how your face would scrunch up and you'd look at her with eyes so loving and so sad. She can almost hear you ask, soft and patient, why would you think that? And she wouldn't know what to say. There's comfort in the fact that the worry is there, but it's not constant. Van only worries about that when you're gone. When you're in front of her, or sitting next to her in class, or talking to her on the phone, it's hard to imagine that you'll ever stop liking her. She takes in your smile, your laughter, your sparkling eyes and she can't think about anything else. You make all of it go away. If you asked her, she would tell you that she thinks the incense works, but only because it came from you.

She can smell it faintly from where she is now, but there are a hundred other things overwhelming her more— the feeling of your legs on either side of her, the sound of your bracelets clinking together when you move your arms to rest them next to her head and cage her in, the sight of you leaning in to kiss her. It's easy to say, she's only been dating you for three months, but Van is sure that she will never get tired of this.

She hums against your lips, something too close to a moan. Her cheeks are red when you pull away, and you're not sure if it was the sound she made or the regretful, kind of embarrassing thing she has to tell you that gave her that reaction. "My mom will be home in, like, five minutes," she says, raspy and breathy.

Her voice distracts you. Your lips are tingling. "Okay," you say, nodding your head even though it takes you another three seconds to actually process what she said.

This is where you sit up, break apart. Neither of you move.

You smile and lean back down to kiss her again, stomach fluttering from the sound of her giggling as you tilt your head back. How are you supposed to stop when she's so fucking— so cute, so handsome, so in love with you. You've never felt so secure of another person's feelings for you before, but it's impossible to doubt Van. She makes you confident, makes sure that you know at all times. Might as well be saying I love you, I love you, I love you between each kiss that she pulls you back into.

It takes everything in you to break away from her, but you have to. "Fuck, okay. I gotta go," you mutter. You have to. You'll see her tomorrow. It should be embarrassing how greedy she makes you.

She watches as you sit up on her lap, your skirt bunched up over the crotch of her jeans. You must notice her looking, because you're laughing like you can read her mind when she huffs and covers her face with her arms, her lips pursed as she suppresses an even more embarrassing sound than the one she made before.

"I'll see you tomorrow," you insist, like saying it outloud will make leaving easier. You stand up and brush your hands over your hair, flattening the flyaways. Then you grab your backpack from the floor (don't think about the pretty pin she got you a few days ago, because it'll make you want to kiss her again) and walk over to her window.

You could take your chances with the front door, but you don't want to. Van was afraid that her neighbors would see you and innocently mention it to her mom, say something like oh, I saw that Vanessa's friend came by the other day. Van wishes it could be left at that, but her mom is rarely that simple. She looked so worried as she told you about it, so ashamed. You kissed her cheek and promised yourself you'd get good at climbing.

She comes closer as you climb to the other side, getting your footing on the familiar edge of the wall, and she hisses when you let go of the window railing to reach over and cup her face. You don't have to pull for her to bend down and let you kiss her, your thumbs brushing over her cheeks.

"Please don't fall," she's saying as you make your way down.

You look up at her and smile, and Van thinks you're so pretty that she misses the mischievousness behind it. "Have a little faith in me— oh, fuck!"

Van flinches, bumping her head on the window with how quick she moves to look down at you. The sound of your laughter makes her realize your hands never left their safe grip. Her shoulders relax. "Oh my God, fuck you," she scoffs, though she's too relieved for it to have any real bite.

"What were you even gonna do?" You ask, still giggling.

She shrugs, eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, fucking— grab you or something."

"Your arms are too short to reach me from up there."

"I take offense to that."

"Well, I'm sorry," you sigh, tilting your head. "Doesn't make it any less true."

"I better not hear you asking for my short arms to carry you after practice tomorrow," Van huffs, said arms now crossed over her chest.

You look up at her in disbelief, raising your eyebrows. "I have literally never asked you for that, you always offer."

She shifts slightly where she stands, moves her weight from one leg to the other, caught. "Because I can do it," she mutters.

"Yes, I know. You're very strong, baby."

Van rolls her eyes, choosing to believe that you're teasing her because if she believes that you're being genuine she might die.

Your feet hit the ground with a thud. You do a silly curtsy, as if to say ta-da! and Van thinks you're so cute she's certain that she'll die. You give her one last grin and blow her a kiss before sneaking away from her house into the night.

Van goes to bed with her cheeks aching from smiling, her bed smelling of your perfume, and the faint sound of her brain screaming (terrified, celebrating) you are fucked!

—

NOW.

"I wish I'd asked you to prom," your voice is muffled by her sweatshirt, lips partly pressed against her shoulder.

Van snorts, looking down at you. "What?"

"You never went," you explain, and you have that look on your face, like you've been thinking about this for weeks. Like you could cry. Van presses pause on the (admittedly) shitty action film she'd chosen and lets you try to get your thoughts out. "I really wanted you there. You would've liked it."

She lets out a sigh through her nose, a hand coming to rest against your cheek. "I really don't know if that's true, honey," she says honestly.

You straighten your back a little, a tiny frown on your face like you get when you've been challenged. "You would've liked it. You love to dance and the DJ was, like, surprisingly good. And Ms. Dawson actually said yes to a dance with Peter K., even though that was highly inappropriate now that I think about it. But it was funny at the time— and Natalie snuck in a bottle of vodka."

"Yeah?" She asks, awfully endeared even when she's heard the story a million times before. You'd told her all about it the day after prom, your voice groggy and sleepy over the phone. She had felt lame about having missed it, but a thousand times better as soon as she picked up the phone, giggling in her bed like a fool at every detail you gave her.

You wrap your fingers around the hand on your cheek, press a kiss against her palm. "You would've loved it," you say, sounding somehow more convinced than before. "I should've asked you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I was a dick," you insist. "I was a coward—"

"Hey, no. No," Van sits up from her lazy posture, two thin wrinkles between her eyebrows when she frowns. They look good on her. You remember when they weren't there, and it always makes you a little emotional. "Don't say that. You weren't."

"But I was," you try to reason, stubborn to a fault. "I'm not, like, condemning myself. I'm stating a fact."

Her frown deepens. "Well, I don't like it. And I don't think it's a fact."

You didn't mean for this to turn into an argument, but you're not exactly thinking about that at the moment. It happens— you've let the thought saturate in your brain for too long and now you're stuck thinking that you're right. "Why are you arguing with me right now?" You ask, not being petty but genuinely wanting to know.

Van huffs a frustrated breath. "Because I thought about asking you to prom for years, okay?" She says, crawling with embarrassment. "I told myself I would over and over again and then I fucking didn't. If you were a coward, what does that make me?"

You pause, guilt swirling in your stomach because you realize all at once that you've been poking on a tender bruise you didn't even know existed. "Van," you say softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She sighs, almost a chuckle. She can be so mean to herself, so condescending about her own feelings. You know she's not laughing at you, or disregarding you in any way— it's just what she does when she feels like she's humiliated herself. Especially when you're there to watch, looking at her so kindly when she's certain she deserves none of it. "Yeah, well. That was intentional," she mutters.

You let her look away from you for a moment before you push yourself onto your knees, placing one on each side of her hips. She welcomes you like she always does when you come to sit on her lap now, her hands on your waist and her face falling forward to press kisses over your collarbone. A thoughtless motion, automatic.

"Sweet girl," you hum, guiding her head up with a careful hand, smiling when you meet her eyes. "We should've gone out dancing alone. Would've been way more fun."

Van breathes out a laugh. She wonders if she'll cry, and feels like she could. "Yeah," she agrees.

"I would've said yes, you know. I'm not blaming you for not asking me, I get why you didn't. I really do. But it's important to me that you know that." You brush a strand of hair behind her ear. It's pretty, and getting long. In no time she'll be asking you to wash it over the sink and trim it with your fancy hair scissors, like you've been doing since you got back together when you were twenty five after a stupid argument that led to a two years long break. It wasn't a good time for either of you, but you don't regret it. You have the rest of your life to live with her. Still, there will always be things like this— arguments about deep buried shame, fears that might never go away, moments you missed that other high school sweethearts didn't because their worries weren't like yours. It's sad, but not inescapable all the time. You and Van don't blame each other for any of it. But sometimes you need to be reminded of that.

"I know," she nods, her voice in that soft, quiet tone that you love but rarely get with how passionate she is. It's not a hardship, you love that just as much. "I think maybe that's why— why I was so freaked out. Like, if you said yes, it would become real."

You nod and chuckle a little, sweet and airy. "And you'd have to actually start to date me? Yeah, I would be scared," you joke.

Van buries her face in your chest with a groan. "That's all I fucking wanted," she says, feeling too honest to play along like she usually would.

You let her stay there for a while, her nose brushing against the rise and fall of your chest. Wanna be here forever, she'd told you once, with cold fingers sneaking under your shirt, more than a little drunk. You have been making fun of her about it for ages, but it tugs at something different today. It makes you pull her softly with a hand on the back of her neck, just enough to press your lips against hers, not wanting to deny her any of your warmth that she might crave.

Van hums against your lips, moving where you want her when your hands guide her own from your waist down to your hips. You press your chest against hers like you know she likes and she moans into your mouth, a hand moving to press against your back and force you closer.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask you," you mumble when she lets you pull apart, speaking close to her ear as you kiss her cheek, lips soft over old acne scars and sunspots.

Van shakes her head. "I don't care," she promises, smiling like she does when she's about to say something corny. "Look at me now," she shrugs, fake humble. "I got the girl in the end."

You laugh against her smirk and kiss her until she's lifting your hips and pushing you down on the couch, your back against the worn pillows, a hand on the back of your head in case you bump it on the arm rest. You like when she moves you around just to show off, reminds you of when you were younger and she'd flex her muscles just because she knew you were looking. She might not be the same type of strong now, but she can still pull out some tricks when she wants to. And with you, Van often wants to.

She tilts her head back when you try to pull her in for another kiss, sighing as she gets comfortable on top of you. She almost gives up the act when you pout at her, blinking your pretty eyes, but instead she leans her weight on one hand next to your head and says, "That is, of course, if she doesn't leave me for Katie Lopez's magic fingers."

Van expects you to roll your eyes, slap her shoulder so she can say ouch! and dramatically rest her hand over the wounded spot. Instead, you slide your hand over hers where it's resting against your hip, intertwining your fingers together and smiling pretty, tilting your head. "Mmh, but I have the best fingers right here."

Van scoffs, playing amused rather than speechless because she's trying not to show you how much your words get to her. It's embarrassing how proud it makes her, how quickly she melts into the palm of your hand when you as much as imply that she's good at something, that you would pick her over everyone else, that you want her like she wants you. Praise from others makes her smile and say thank you, but praise from you reaches her core, makes her dizzy. Her lips feel dry and her tongue pokes out absentmindedly to lick them as you guide her hand up. Van barely registers the movement, too busy watching your face— how beautiful that she gets to see it all the time now, that she knows all the details like you know hers.

Her fingertips come to rest against your lips and her breath stutters as she tries desperately to maintain any sense of coolness or dignity or fucking something while you kiss each one, soft and attentive. She's thinking, is she insane for finding it as thrilling as she does, even after all these years? Do you know what you do to her? You can't possibly know, Van almost decides, but then you part your lips to slide two of her fingers into your mouth and she thinks that you do. You definitely know.

"F—fuck," she breathes out, and tries to remember her original plan to tease you but can't recall your old classmate's name. "You trying to butter me up?" She asks, her chuckle trembling but deep, from the back of her throat.

Her fingers slip from your mouth with a soft pop, and Van groans. You hum, "Is it working?"

You're mean, evil. You're the sweetest thing she's ever seen. Two things can be true at once. You're a dream, and you're not like this for anyone else. The thought echoes through her skull, warm and infectious. Van smirks. "Yeah."

#van palmer x reader #van palmer x female!reader #van x reader #van palmer x you #van palmer fic #yellowjackets fic #yellowjackets x reader

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