#venting about it in detail would dox me I guess but.

[mootmuse]

the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

“suddenly became an enemy to tarot”

Their whole message left out so much information and context. I mean, it’s obvious why but it’s so ridiculous. First of all, back when this blog was first started people were venting about the extremely problematic things gftwd was doing and you gave them the space to do so. Because she was behaving very badly. Then she began to harass and threaten you for months. The criticism against her was valid, she was not innocent and “bullied” off of tumblr. Now with the tarot stuff. When the original tarot reader was around (evanpeterstarotreadings) you and here got along well and she often contributed here, and you still have no problem with her. She did not feed into the crazies and she would absolutely not be posting multiple readings about Natalie and Evan every day. I think the fact that she does not contribute to the new blogs says a lot. You have explained clearly so many times why you have a problem with these new blogs. It was not a “sudden” turn for no reason. And it’s funny how they won’t acknowledge that mycovenofchaos was harassing you about your posting of Natalie and Evan to the point where you had to block her. The things people have been bringing up about the tarot stuff in the past few weeks were legitimate concerns and criticisms, it wasn’t senseless hate towards them. I also saw one of the tarot readers say that she thinks you’re in the midst of a mental breakdown because of your pinned post about Natalie and the tarot blogs. It’s so rude. The whole situation with the tarot blogs is just crazy and it’s gross that they’re trying to make you out to be unreasonable and unstable.

wow, i just want to say that i genuinely appreciate, respect and.. i am even a little taken aback? that other people have closely watched and understood the timeline of this insanity lmao but you're correct, and thank you for saying this. to reiterate the facts surrounding this person's ultra unserious bone to pick:

1 - everyone and their lesbian lover knows gftwd bullied and harassed a whole load of people before she even knew of my existence and got around to me. i don't care if she didn't like me posting messages from people who were detailing the ways she terrorized them - you can shit talk me all day on YOUR blog but that doesn't justify you doxxing me, blowing up my ask box with threatening messages, spreading around my personal social media accounts, etc.

2. i always, always made my opinion clear on tarot as a concept. i do not believe in these things and i look upon those who portray non-scientific, verifiable things as facts as problematic - however, when done responsibly, for fun, and by people with no ill-intent, i have zero problem with it. and.. i had zero problem with the OG tarot reader, we were friends, she regularly contributed to my blog.. and i never would've associated her with these nefarious nutjobs.

3. mycovenofchaos spent days following and unfollowing my blog, i can only guess in an attempt to garner attention and bring my eyes to the subliminal posts she was making about me. i didn't even see these things until followers started asking me about it as it became more obvious who she was speaking about. then, she started sending me harassing anonymous messages trying to challenge me, my viewpoint about evan/natalie, and generally just being a pest. i did not post these asks but i do have screenshots because i legitimately screenshot every single ask that i do not post for various reasons. finally, i located and blocked her I.P address and saw those messages go poof. well, moments after that.. she made her ''goodbye'' post. literally, right after. so basically, she got caught being crazy, harassing me for no reason, and now wants to play the victim. and if you want screenshots, i got those too. and the entirety of our bizarre, private direct messages that followed. just in case anybody is thinking of being dishonest on this matter.

4. i do not have a ''mental breakdown'' to speak of; i have ethics and morals that guide whether or not i'm going to sit here and entertain people who are acting maliciously and post their messages on my blog that denigrate a woman's character unfairly. that's what that is about. after all, shamrock, theloverscardtarot, mycovenofchaos/itsthequeenofswords are my faithful followers and have been for ages, so they obviously enjoy my content and who i am outside of disavowing their poor behavior. they are fans, supporters, and begrudging members of tweam.

if you disagree or want to frame that as some sort of mental deficiency, that is not my burden to bear and such gaslighting techniques do not work on me. i have obsessed minions of my own barking at my social media door across multiple continents, so you're going to have to get in line. TGIF dolls!

[whatiwillsay]

submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

[aroaceacacia]

Man, all these asks really do bring up some memories huh! I was especially involved in all the discourse (which was absolutely not healthy for me but eh, I was a kid who romanticised the whole thing like it was some cinematic war) and I definetly recall some notable details that I might be the only active hermitblr to remember at this point

For example, I personally knew the person who wrote the fanfic people cancelled Cleo over, and they actually wrote it as a vent because they were trans themselves and feared the stuff they wrote about happening to them

And there was a talk with M on a private server, idk Coffee might remember it if I recall correctly?? Or maybe not? But it was when me and a bunch of related people actually sat down and talked to M about how what he has done was hurtful. And he actually was really nice about the whole thing and gave us a heartfelt apology, and explained some details that... really made it feel like his relationship with H wasn't very healthy at all. But it's not my place to be the judge of that.

And then he posted an apology on his blog as well, which was worded less than addmitting his mistakes and actually apologizing, and more like shifting the blame away from himself. Even more, ironically, he posted a drawing of his friend group, most of which were exactly the people that did the most harm in the fandom, on the next day after the convo. On the same server we used to confront him JSGHSDLSDGHJG but yeah maybe the excessive hate on M was not deserved, but he still leaves a bitter feeling when I see him.

I also was very active in hermitshipping circles at the time, so I know some details from there, but idk if you would be alright or even want to talk that much about the shipping itself. But I guess a fun detail was how the whole disaster started with me an my friends deciding that we're going to make shipping sideblogs that haters could block if they wanted and where we could post freely, and also allowed ourselves to use the main tag because we felt it was unfair that no other fandom had a problem with shipping in the main tag and it was just regular content like anything else.

I think my "favorite" (/neg) story that I sometimes tell like both a horror story and a funny incident is the whole pisszloy thing, where the same blog that drew piss all over minor's shipart... called out Zloy. For liking a post on Twitter. Needless to say, ironic. Pretty sure it's the same person that told Scar that Zloy wanted him dead.

I also remember very clearly how, at least in my circles, there was A LOT of hate directed at RST, which I actually haven't seen mentioned here yet (maybe it's because they/[whatever pronouns RST uses these days] have since decided to disengage with the discourse, which, good for them). Basically RST made tons of callouts for shippers, outing those that did not want to be known as shippers. And that landed them into getting doxxed, which was absolutely not deserved and way too extreme, so much that the entire hermitshipblr started posting about how they did not support this, but it remains a fact).

A lot of this stuff ended up leaving a mark, so much that for a while I could not look at anything related to SMPL/LC, Schlatt, even some meme formats, and certain artstyles still cause me to be wary, but these days I feel like not only am I healing myself, but the entire fandom has moved on and has become a very chill and stable place :D All these years, even in the worst of moments, I still had friends that supported me (Hippiecraft, Doomcraft, Zloy gang, etc., I love you all so much) and I think the good times alone were worth it :')

By the way, please take care of your own mental health! You've been getting a lot of very heavy asks lately, including this one that you don't have to asnwer, so if you need to take a break, this is your reminder that it's okay to do that! <3

thank you for the kind words, and for sharing your perspective! I'm glad you're doing well, and that you can still find the positives in the entire situation.

oh god dont remind me of the zloy-scar incident that was SO out of line NotLikeThis

[six-is-sad]

This is a vent post, feel free to ignore this, I’m not going to talk about anything too triggering other than the mentions of harassment, and the word pedo. this is just relevant to the fandom so I’m posting it here:

.

.

.

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Honestly...as much as I love little nightmares 2...especially the music. It’s so hauntingly beautiful I actually have trouble breathing listening to it, and that is not an exaggeration! I honestly miss the fandom from before then, I miss the 2017 fandom. Granted I was 12, and couldn’t post any of my AU ideas or any of the fan meme comics I made for it (which looking back on them was a good thing lol) but that doesn’t matter to me. the fandom was much less...toxic then. At least in my eyes. I could enjoy mine and other peoples ideas without anxiety. As far as I could see from my limited view we were much better off before the second game came out. Now with cancel culture and the word “simp” being more popular. I honestly feel like it’s hard to enjoy the fandom anymore. It just feels like the fandom is now one constant argument where nobody is getting anywhere because nobody is listening. Their just military drones whose only objective is “search and destroy” with a Twitter account. They want power and feel like nobody listens to them unless their using shocking words like “pedo” I would know because I have the same problem. I yell when I’m upset with people because it feels like they don’t listen unless I’m loud. However what these Twitter people do border onto “savior” territory. I know many people who are CSA victims. Rarely do they appreciate people harassing others in their name, not to mention if you assholes continue with it for long enough someone legitimately could call the police on you, and you could get in serious legal trouble depending how far you go.

Though the fandom could’ve been just as toxic. My only way of accessing the fandom was YouTube, deviantart, and google images because my mom wouldn’t let me have an account on anything because I was too young. So honestly I have no idea, but even if it was. I guess I just miss the way I saw the fandom. I had fun, I didn’t have to worry for my internet safety. I cannot stress that I was having fun enough, there’s more to this. I’m just not even sure how to explain. I just miss the 2017 fandom. I miss when my biggest sadness about this fandom was that the runaway kid was the gnome six ate. Now my biggest sadness is that they aren’t continuing the series and that I legitimately could be doxxed for shipping monix. There could very well be a very detailed Twitter post about how I’m scum, but I wouldn’t know. Because I refuse to touch the Twitter side of the fandom even with a 1000 foot pole. I just...take me back man...