#very genuinely i’ve always felt paralyzed by the idea i cannot doing anything to help and on the grand scale i kind of can’t

[tautozhone]

idk how to start this so this post is ab individual action, trying to motivate positive change in the world, etc etc

a lot of growing up in the US for me makes things feel more scary than they are. like it’s actually not that difficult to go out of your way to get a bottle of water or iced cup of water from some random drive through if you think you should do it. either fast food conglomerate or local actually, it’ll usually be cheaper than 5 dollars to get drinkable water. i try to have 5-10 dollars i can justify spending on water, and asking for change, because sometimes when i’m out driving i need to go grab water.

i do not do this for me as much as i try to do it specifically when i see someone who’s most likely homeless on a street corner. i’m sure one day i might do this and they might not be there when i come back, but what have i lost really? a bit of time and a bit of money that would’ve meant more to them, that i can hold onto until i see them next.

the pressure that a lot of people feel when they think “what can i do” comes from this grand narrative that the average citizen can singlehandedly fix the housing crisis. rich people? maybe. nonprofits? not in a day, not all one person still. what can i do is a question i ask a lot. what can i do, not just because it feels bad to move along like nothings wrong with the world, but what can i do that will do anything. what can i do that makes even the smallest change.

i feel like it took me too long to figure out a personal method to what i consider individual action. it’s taking time to get to my own financial stability to be able to do more. but for now it’s as simple as water and cash. not water and food, but water and cash.

individual action means a lot in small steps, go get a bottle of water bare minimum and the price of a meal if you can and then just give it to them. if it wasn’t such a miserably hot place where i live i would keep a pack of water in my car, which i still want to do for the sake of having immediate access to water to give someone who might need it- hot or cold sometimes won’t matter. but when it’s hot out, get cold water, if it’s cold out, a warm tea will hydrate more than coffee will as long as it’s not super caffeinated.

[yaboylevi]

Hi! I love ur blog, especially ur Snk Metas and Ereri metas. What are your thoughts on the whole “Eren has always been like this” (always been evil or capable of great evils like genocide) that a lot of people seem to agree on? I’ve always had a hard time believing in that idea because we’ve been shown multiple times that Eren is capable of sympathy and empathy, so to say he’s ALWAYS been like this is wrong.

Hi! Thank you!!

Looking through my snk 121 tag I found that I have already received similar questions, so I’m gonna link one here if you want the short version of it. Even if it was something I wrote up right after the chapter was out, it’s not like my opinion has changed much... more like, my faith in Isayama writing a decent conclusion and explanation in regards to Eren has plummeted in the past year and a half.

But anyway, now we have some new information pertaining Eren, so I feel like I can add more on this moment and my take on it in light of such new perspective.

Let me preface this with: Eren hates what he’s doing, is despising every second, was scared of his future visions, often paralyzed, desperate to find a better solution than this, because he knows - let me repeat it - HE KNOWS this is horrifying. We had hints throughtout the story, but many have ignored them. For me, Eren going through grief and apologizing for something he hadn’t even done yet in chapters 131 was no shocker at all, but I guess some people may have actually been surprised, I don’t know. It was right there since the Marley arc and his breakdown over Sasha, but many have completely misinterpreted that scene, denying it was desperation that he was feeling, so it was nice to finally have confirmation. Kinda.

However, you know, Isayama doesn’t seem to have picked a side on his characterization of Eren. Or maybe there is still something that’s concealed, because everything we have seen, isn’t evething that has happened, and it doesn’t explain yet some things about Eren and, relevant to this post, why Eren has decided to give up and give in to his future self’s memories of destruction. I’m sorry, but Eren believing “there is no other way, other than killing the whole world’s population, because the future cannot be changed” due to some memories is not gonna cut it, especially because we haven’t seen him fight too hard against it. In my opinion, at least. Or maybe he did, but we haven’t been shown.

The most hopeful part of my heart wishes he is already trying to change things, in a very roundabout and secret way, but the tired and logical part is done hoping. After all, Eren is alternating between being hellbent on going through with rumbling the world, and being absolutely horrified by it. I’ve been getting whiplash every month for a couple of years now.

As for your actual question, and that line during the Paths Time Travel...

Let’s start from here, shall we? That whole conversation with Zeke in Paths was to Zeke what chapter 112 was to Mikasa and Armin, imo. Chapter 121, huh, same numbers...but anyways. I think I have already wrote it somewhere, but I believe Eren lied, and purposely hurt Zeke. To make him, and Mikasa and Armin, realize something and act accordingly, maybe against Eren himself.

In Mikasa’s case, the realization was gradual since then, because Eren’s lies kickstarted it immediately. In Armin’s case, I think we still haven’t seen the full potential of it, though it may come next chapter - and I mean the “You were influenced by Bertolt, an enemy” angle. I am surprised Armin hasn’t followed this reasoning in regards to Eren, who has three titans within him, none of them particularly allied with Paradis. We left Armin seeing Bertolt, who is, in turn, watching him. I wonder if a conversation won’t happen right off the bat in chapter 136.

Anyhow, Eren, in chapter 112, also very much hit Armin and Mikasa where it hurt them the most - which is the same thing he did to Zeke here, bringing up his hate for Grisha and how it was the only think really fuelling him, and went through all the effort of making him reconcile with Grisha. Mmm, sus. Am I the only one feeling it’s sus??? I really have to wonder if he doesn’t kind of want/need Zeke to stop him, just like I believe he did with Armin and Mikasa. After all, there was no need to antagonize them and make them have reasons to stop caring for him, if he didn’t want to be stopped.

So, if it wasn’t already clear, Eren is a big liar, and he’s good at it if you don’t know him (and Zeke, Armin, and Mikasa have proven they don’t know or understand him very well at times). His acting skills have been shown all the way back in the cabin scene when he was 8 years old and tricked those traffickers.

There is another layer to these lies that I’d like to touch upon, though.

The line you were inquiring about feels exactly like his “I am free” in chapter 112. He sounds so sure, but it is a freaking lie.

See how both Armin and Mikasa are confused by such a bold, out-of-the-blue statement, the same way Zeke asks Eren “Since birth?” because, like, what is that all even about?

Eren has been feeling trapped in his own future memories to the point that his freedom of choice even existing anymore has become a big question mark. There is no freedom in following the path you were shown.

Eren’s urge to save someone from “having their freedom solen” by “physically assaulting the perpetrators first” has never, ever meant that he was willing to or okay with sacrificing innocents. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been whole arcs about that. About Eren freaking out over people dying for him, refusing to sacrifice friends for the bigger picture, grieving for or sympathizing with innocents losing their lives or having them destroyed by some bigger threat. That has not changed.

So the big question remains: Why?

With these outrageous and confident statements about himself, I don’t think Eren is merely lying to his interlocutor to change their perception of him. I think he is lying to himself as well in the meantime. It looks like it did the trick, or not - based on how you want to interpret it. He really has been dissociating hard during his rampage.

But it all depends on what Isayama's angle is with Eren. In 112 Eren seemed to believe his “I am free” statement because he had an instant reaction to Armin challenging it. At the same time, now that we also have chapter 130-131 to enrich our reading, there is no way Eren felt free into the choices he made after hearing Willy’s declaration of war. He saw a terrifying future, he hoped against hope that it would change, but felt powerless and gutted and desperate that all pointed to such a future being unchangeable. So I do wonder if maybe he didn’t end up lying to himself - subconsciously or not - that he is free... and that he is always been this way - a cold-blooded murderer who did it all for justice.

Zoom in on Eren forlornly watching himself as a kid show pure kindess to a girl who just went through the most traumatizing experience in her life.

For the matter, I don’t believe Eren “has always been this way”. I actually don’t believe he’s ever been that way. I don’t know why many(?) people just accept whatever Eren says at face value, ignoring all context surronding it.

As I posted very recently, it doesn’t make sense for Eren to go from one extreme to the other without a better excuse, or explanation, or a more believable writing of it...or a plot twist that I guess I will wait for for another 4 months:

Eren came to realize that outside the walls people are just...well, people. There are good ones everywhere, people who suffered just like him, people who deserve better, certainly don’t deserve to be caught up in the Rumbling, people who have lives, children, moms, loved ones. This is highlighted again in chapter 131, because maybe, when Eren brought it up in the basement with Falco and Reiner, people didn’t think he was being genuine. So Isayama shows us again that Eren truly believed that.

And yet, the chapter before, Eren put those very same people on the same level of Titans when he used to think Titans were scum, a nightmare sent to eat them alive, because he addressed them with “匹”, a derogatory counter when applied to people, because it is usually used for small animals.

The parallel to how he used to feel towards Titans is smacked in our faces, because in Japanese, it’s the same exact line. He now feels that way about people.

...What?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Because really, the same way Eren’s first impulse in Marley was to save Ramzi when he was being beaten up (and threatened with a worse fate than some bruises), the same way Eren helped him regardless and again went against 3 full-grown men, it’s the same way Eren rushed to Mikasa’s rescue when he didn’t even know her... or the same way he pushed himself into a Titan’s mouth just to save Armin. it doesn’t come from a sentiment of “I need to punish these monsters because they are threatening me”. It comes from a natural, intrinsic need to help and save others. It is deeply saddening that at the end of this journey, with Ramzi, he just feels like this natural predisposition of his is just a fake and turns him into a hypocrite.

So for Eren to say he has always been that way while looking at his 8 years old self stabbing a human trafficker in the chest to save a little girl to try and explain why he’s killing innocent people who happens to be living alongside “the bad guys” is a false equivalence. Either it’s a lie Eren tells himself and to Zeke to make both of them believe this is what Eren is, and has always been, and there is nothing they could do to prevent it - in a sort of twisted liberation from guilt because “if I was always like this, then you and I both shouldn’t have expected anything different”...

...or it’s Isayama’s failed attempt at presenting a theoretical concept he liked and talked about in interviews, suddenly turning Eren into a poster boy for it and canceling previous sides of Eren’s complexity as a character. I would like to believe Isayama hasn’t lost his magic touch this badly, but every day I’m less sure of it.

My opinion, for what is worth, is that that line you quoted is something he said to trick Zeke into detaching himself from Eren and going against him - breaking the bonds of love all around him has been a very deliberate choice Eren has made post time-skip - and at the same time it’s something Eren is trying to believe himself, in a desperate attempt at explaining to his own conscience that he was destined to bring such destruction, that he was always capable of it, and that there is a sort of justice in it where there isn’t. And he knows, deep down. That’s why he dissociates in the end.

In a very twisted, self-deprecating way, Eren is a liar to everyone, himself included. He has become an unreliable narrator about himself. Eren has completely shut down because he cannot stand what he is doing.

And I would very much like to know why he gave up on trying to find a different solution, if that’s what it is that happened, and why he sounds like a different person every other scene he appears in, in the next 4 months.

[hufflly-puffs]

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Chapter 27: The Lightning-Struck Tower

This chapter contains perhaps my favourite Draco moment; I lost count how many times I have read the dialogue between Draco and Dumbledore. I think that this is the most closet look we get on who Draco really is, the most honest and genuine version of him. Of course even now he still tries to play a role, but Dumbledore sees right through him and for a moment Draco lets his mask fall. This is where my view on Draco changed. I was never particular interested in his character before book 6 because he was nothing more than a bully. Book 6, and especially his conversation with Dumbledore helped to make him a much more rounded, complex character, that I would have liked to see more of in the final book. And it is not just my view that changed, after this evening Harry saw Draco in a different light as well.

“How long had they been away? Had Ron, Hermione and Ginny’s luck run out by now? Was it one of them who had caused the Mark to be set over the school, or was it Neville, or Luna, or some other member of the DA? And if it was … he was the one who had told them to patrol the corridors, he had asked them to leave the safety of their beds … would he be responsible, again, for the death of a friend?” – Survivor’s guilt at its best. And of course after the events of this evening Harry will feel responsible for Dumbledore’s death as well, just as he had felt guilty for Sirius’s death, ignoring that both men (and his parents as well) were completely aware of the danger they put themselves into while fighting Voldemort, always knowing they might die. They all tried to protect Harry, but they didn’t gave their life for him, but because they believed in something bigger, because they wanted to do the right thing.

“Then, by the light of the Mark, he saw Dumbledore’s wand flying in an arc over the edge of the ramparts and understood … Dumbledore had wordlessly immobilised Harry, and the second he had taken to perform the spell had cost him the chance of defending himself.” – Dumbledore knows that Harry would never just stand by without taking action. He knows that the only way to keep him safe, to keep him hidden, is to immobilise him, to force him to silently watch. And that in itself is yet another nightmare: to be trapped in your own body, forced to watch Death Eaters infiltrate the school, forced to watch Dumbledore die.

“Malfoy stepped forwards, glancing around quickly to check that he and Dumbledore were alone. His eyes fell upon the second broom. ‘Who else is here?’” – We know that Draco was communicating with Madame Rosmerta. She told him Dumbledore left the school (though seemingly alone) and she probably told him about his return, though the question is if she also told him that Harry was with Dumbledore. Perhaps Draco assumes that Harry has already left the tower to get help, despite knowing that Harry owns the Invisibility Cloak. But then Draco knows Harry well enough to know that he would never just stand by, invisible or not. What he does not calculate is that Dumbledore is not as defenceless as he seems, but used the moment when Draco attacked to protect somebody else instead of defending himself. Dumbledore immediately distracts Draco with a counterquestion, again to keep Harry safe. None of the other Death Eaters seems to notice or care about the second broom, though I’m pretty sure that Snape knows/suspects enough to figure out the situation.

“‘Draco, Draco, you are not a killer.’ […]I don’t think you will kill me, Draco. Killing is not nearly as easy as the innocent believe … […]” – Draco is not a good person. His actions almost resulted in the deaths of Katie Bell and Ron, foreseeable casualties given how reckless his plans to kill Dumbledore became. Just this night he let Death Eaters into this school, despite knowing that those people show no mercy and will kill teachers as students alike. But he is also not an evil person either. Dumbledore openly wonders if Draco’s heart had been really in the task he had been given (killing Dumbledore) and Draco makes clear that he had no idea Fenrir Greyback would be among the Death Eaters as well and how repulsive the idea of Greyback at Hogwarts is to him. Dumbledore sees Draco for who he is: a terrified 16 year old boy, put under an unbearable pressure, afraid that Voldemort would kill him as well as his family if he does not succeed. Draco is yet another victim of Voldemort. Yes he chose to become a Death Eater, but then again was it really a choice? Did he really have other options? Refusing Voldemort would have been his death sentence. I don’t want to excuse what Draco did or justify his actions, but people are more complex than just good or evil. Dumbledore knows that better than anyone else, so he does the only right thing now: he offers Draco his help.

“‘Enchanted coins,’ said Malfoy, as though he was compelled to keep talking, though his wand hand was shaking badly. ‘I had one and she had the other and I could send her messages –’ ‘Isn’t that the secret method of communication the group that called themselves Dumbledore’s Army used last year?’ asked Dumbledore.” – Hermione, who came up with the idea of the Enchanted Coins, was inspired by the Dark Mark, which Voldemort uses to summon his followers. Now the method is used by Draco. He also used Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, which was meant to protect, in order to attack and infiltrate. Magic and magical objects are neither good or evil, they can work either way, depending on the person who uses them and their intention.

Madame Rosmerta told Draco that Dumbledore went out for a drink, so he decided to use a trap (the Dark Mark) to lure Dumbledore back to school. It was really a coincidence then that Dumbledore and Harry would return from the cave shortly after the Mark had been cast.

“‘I haven’t got any options!’ said Malfoy, and he was suddenly as white as Dumbledore. ‘I’ve got to do it! He’ll kill me! He’ll kill my whole family!’ ‘I appreciate the difficulty of your position,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Why else do you think I have not confronted you before now? Because I knew that you would have been murdered if Lord Voldemort realised that I suspected you.’” – Dumbledore must have been in an incredible dilemma all year. He knew that if he talked to Draco or even stopped him it would have been a death sentence for both Draco and his family. But the more desperate Draco got the more dangerous he became, putting other students with his actions at risk. And now, with the arrival of Death Eaters at Hogwarts, it is again not just Dumbledore’s life that is at risk.

“‘But I got this far, didn’t I?’ he said slowly. ‘They thought I’d die in the attempt, but I’m here … and you’re in my power … I’m the one with the wand … you’re at my mercy …’ ‘No, Draco,’ said Dumbledore quietly. ‘It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now.’ Malfoy did not speak. His mouth was open, his wand hand still trembling. Harry thought he saw it drop by a fraction –“ – I don’t think Draco could have ever imagined that Dumbledore would offer him help. He suspected Snape’s attempts to help him as a way to steal his glory. Draco is not used that people (apart from his parents) genuinely care about him. He had always looked down on Dumbledore, never showed any kind of respect for him. And yet Dumbledore, despite the things Draco had done, offers him help. Dumbledore still sees him as an innocent, as someone who deserves his mercy. Despite the fact that Harry saw Draco crying, saw the pressure he is under, he never thought that way. Dumbledore’s view on Draco is what changes Harry’s view on Draco. And finally the one small moment where it seems like Draco was about to drop his wand. I have often wondered how this story would have changed if Draco had changed sides. In book 7 it is clear that he no longer wants to be a Death Eater, but he does not work actively against Voldemort either, paralyzed by his own fear, forever stuck.

“‘Well, I cannot pretend it does not disgust me a little,’ said Dumbledore. ‘And, yes, I am a little shocked that Draco here invited you, of all people, into the school where his friends live …’ ‘I didn’t,’ breathed Malfoy. He was not looking at Greyback; he did not seem to want to even glance at him. ‘I didn’t know he was going to come –’” – First of all Draco does not have any friends, but that is beside the point. What is important is that he talks to Dumbledore here, that despite his fear he wants to make clear that he had no idea Greyback would come. He wants to confirm the image Dumbledore has of him: that he is not a killer, that he is still an innocent after all.

“‘Severus …’ The sound frightened Harry beyond anything he had experienced all evening. For the first time, Dumbledore was pleading. […]Snape gazed for a moment at Dumbledore, and there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face. ‘Severus … please …’ Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore. ‘Avada Kedavra!’” – I wonder how much of this was planned. We know that Dumbledore’s time was already limited, that the curse of the Horcrux-ring would slowly kill him. We also know that Draco had been given the task to kill Dumbledore and that it was very unlikely he would be able to do it. And on top of that is the Unbreakable Vow Snape made with Narcissa, forcing him to complete the task should Draco fail. So Dumbledore knew he would die, knew what Draco was up to, and knew about the Vow Snape had made. So it was clear that at some point Snape would have to kill Dumbledore in order to keep his cover, and his life and Draco safe. The question was just when. It is possible that Snape read Dumbledore’s mind, or perhaps he simply knew. But there is also the revulsion and hate in Snape’s face. This is not a mercy kill, but I think because this is not how the Avada Kedrava Curse works. Unforgiveable Curses need intent; you have to mean them. Which is why Draco could have never killed Dumbledore. But I think a part of Snape had hated Dumbledore enough in order to do it and I think Dumbledore was aware of that.

[hippocampus-studies]

Hi maybe this is random but im in college and i am so stressed and anxious. How do you overcome study anxiety and the fear of failing. I feel so scared of doing badly and being stupid that i cant do anything sometimes. It feels like a self fulfilling prophecy. Any advice would help thanks✨

Hey!

I’ve dealt a lot with study anxiety over the years, and I know what if feels like to be paralyzed with the fear of failing. It seems like the cycle is pretty universal: you’re scared that you’re going to fail so you have trouble starting whatever you need to do which just makes you more scared and anxious than before. It’s something I’m still trying to work through, but I have some things I’ve picked up that have helped me.

 Have realistic expectations of yourself

Fear of failing has a root in perfectionism. I think college is especially rough for perfectionists because the unfortunate truth is just about everyone fails once or twice in college. I’ve done so more times than I care to admit, and what I’ve realized is that it’s really easy to fall into all-or-nothing thinking about classes. Being 100% perfect and “on” all the time is not realistic, nor is it helpful to completely shut down when things begin to get difficult. Finding some sort of middle ground is not always easy, but I promise it’s achievable. For example maybe you have a bunch of things you need to get done today but they’re all difficult and you can’t figure out which one to do first, and the next thing you know it’s 8pm and you’ve gotten none of them done. Next time that happens, try to rank your to-do list in terms of what needs to get done right away, and what tasks are easiest/fastest to do. Start with the easy tasks to get momentum and then try and do at least one of the urgent tasks. That way even if you only get half of your to-do list done that day it still ends up being more than if you hadn’t started, and it’s likely that it’ll seem more manageable at that point.

 Reach out for help

College has the deceptive ability to make you think that everyone around you is doing fine (especially if you’re in a competitive major or program) but I promise that you’re not the only one of your friends or classmates that is feeling this way. If you have peers in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about this, it can be extremely helpful to know that you are not alone in how you’re feeling. My only caveat is not to fall into what I call the Stress Olympics, which is where you and your stressed-out friends go around and try and compete to see who is the most stressed/under the most pressure. It’s not a helpful thing to do, and while venting to a trusted friend or friends can be great sometimes, if you catch you and your peers trying to one-up each other to see who is the most busy or who has had the least amount of sleep, you’re just going to end up making all of yourselves more stressed and worried than when you started.

It’s also worth it to talk to professors or school counselors. A lot of colleges offer counseling/life coaching, and most of them have been trained specifically to help with student-oriented issues (test anxiety, overcoming perfectionism, etc.).

Talking to professors can also be helpful! Most have had students that have felt overwhelmed by the workload or the subject matter, and most are also much more likely to work with you in terms of extensions for papers, extra tutoring, etc. if you go and talk to them in person. I know it’s really scary, (I still get nervous every time I go to office hours if I’m being honest) but most professors genuinely want to see you succeed in their class, and the more you’re open with them the more they’re willing to work with you.

 Organization!

Okay I know there are about a million organization masterposts on studyblr so I won’t go too much into it, but there a couple things I’ve found to be very helpful. I’ve noticed that I end up getting more overwhelmed when I find dates for exams and projects creep up on me unexpectedly, so I have a set of calendars printed off (just from google, nothing too fancy) and the only thing I put on them is when all of my quizzes and exams are, when my projects are due, and other relevant dates for the semester (holidays, days off, etc.). I check it once a week when I put my weekly schedule together so I’m never caught off-guard by quizzes and exams that are a couple weeks down the road.

The other thing I do is make sure all my papers for my classes are organized. I have a pending box on my desk, and every couple of days I go through the papers in them and either recycle them or put them in a binder for the respective class. That way all my study material is in one place, and I’m not sifting through other classes when trying to study or work on a paper, nor do I lose papers at the bottom of my backpack.

 Take care of yourself

Another thing that can lead to the paralyzation of procrastination is burnout. Taking care of yourself is incredibly hard in college, but it’s also one of the most important things you can do. Self-care usually falls into three broad categories: 

Physical—this is usually what people think about when it comes to self-care: eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep. The important thing to remember is that physical self-care looks different depending on the person. Not everyone has the energy to work out every day, and some people need more or less sleep than others. The important thing to do is listen to your body, especially when it comes to sleep—neuroscientists have shown that sleep is imperative for cognitive function like memory, so I would always advise getting the extra few hours of sleep instead of trying to cram in a little more studying.

Mental—taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things you can do to avoid burnout, but I also think it’s one of the hardest things to do. Humans are not machines; we cannot be switched on 24/7, and we need time to do things beside studying or working. My  advice is to try and do at least one thing a day that you would classify as taking care of your mental health, whether it’s taking a 20 minute study break to watch rip vine compilations on youtube or taking an unplanned nap in the middle of the day. If you have some sort of a creative outlet like drawing or singing or cooking, it’s a great idea to try and carve out a little bit of time every week (even if it’s just half an hour) to express yourself creatively.

Social—whether you consider yourself to be more introverted or extroverted, spending time with people you care about is imperative to avoiding burnout. Finding friends in college can be hard, but I know that a great way to find people with common interests is to join clubs—specifically clubs that aren’t about your major or career. I’m in a voter advocacy club despite the fact that I’m a STEM major that will not academically benefit from being in the group.  What’s infinitely more important is that I have a time once a week where I get to talk with friends about a subject that brings me joy and passion without ever bringing up my major or classes. Finding a group like that, whether it’s a friend group or a club or an intramural sports team, is going to help you in the long run far more than that extra hour of studying a week.

Just get started

This is the hardest thing on the list, in my opinion. The reason that studying anxiety can lead to procrastination is the mindset that you have do whatever you’re doing perfectly or it isn’t valid at all, and I can’t put into words how important it is to try and break that mindset. Just starting something, even if it isn’t perfect, or even if it’s starting to study later than you’d rather, is so, so much better than doing nothing. The moment you try and start doing what you’re doing, even if it isn’t perfect, is the moment you start to beat the perfectionist/procrastination mindset.

It’s easy to fall into the anxiety➡procrastination➡working too hard to make up for what you missed➡burnout➡procrastination cycle, but one of the best ways to break out of it is to not be too hard on yourself if you get anxious or procrastinate. Remind yourself that you’re human and you’re allowed to be imperfect. If you make mistakes or procrastinate along the way, make sure to speak gently to yourself—being unnecessarily harsh with yourself is only going to hurt you in the long run, and one of the best things you can do for yourself is to do your best to be kind to yourself.

 These are just some things I’ve picked up over the last couple of years. If anyone else has something I missed please feel free to add it, but otherwise keep ur head up bby!! College is hard but I promise you’ll get through it 🌱

[doomdays-a]

━━ FULL NAME:   tracy  stewart

━━ SPECIES:     chimera  made  up  of  part  werewolf +   part  kanima

━ GUILTY PLEASURES:   eating  spiders,      paralyzing  people  for  fun  or  for  torture,       art,     conspiracy  theories,     horror  stories,     power

━ PHOBIAS:    autophobia,    ornithophobia,     paralipophobia

━ WHAT THEY WOULD BE FAMOUS / INFAMOUS FOR:      she  wouldn’t  be  famous  for  anything  on  her  own,       it  would  be  a  piggy  back  to  someone  else  because  she  is  a  follower,    not  a  leader.        

━ WHAT HAVE THEY / WOULD THEY HAVE GOTTEN ARRESTED FOR:   there  has  been  a  warrant  for  her  arrest  for  the  murder  of  her  father  &   her  therapist,     but  when  she  died,    she  was  able  to  escape  that  attention    (     now  mostly  hiding  out,     finding  it  easy  given  that  many  people  didn’t  know  her  before  her  death.    )  

━ CHARACTER MOST LIKELY TO MURDER THEM:    it  seems  obvious  to  say  theo  but  i  also  want  to  remind  everyone  that  killing  tracy  wasn’t  part  of  theo’s  agenda.      he   didn’t  make  it  his  goal  to kill  her.     he  didn’t  genuinely  care  for  her  as  a  person  or  believe  that  he  couldn’t  survive  without  her,     &    he  certainly  didn’t  care  for  her  romantically,      but  she  was  important  to  him  in  the  sense  that  she  was  a  loyal  beta   &    could  help  him  reach  his  goals     (   he  wanted  power,    that’s  what  mattered  to  him.     &     tracy  wanted  theo  to  have  power,      she  wouldn’t  stand  in  his  way  of  that  like  most  people  tried   ——   she  was  only  there  to  help   &    get  rid  of  anyone  who  might  stand  in  his  way.   )      he  saw  an  opportunity      &    took  it,     acting  out  of  impulse  when  he  believed  that  taking  her  power  right  then    &   there  could  be  a  key  to  his  success.        he  assumed  he  didn’t  need  her    &   had  to  do  it  for  his selfish  gain.     i  would  say  theo  is  most  likely  to  murder  her  only  in  a  situation  like  that,       because  he  did  want  a  pack  for  a  reason,    &    tracy  was  a  perfect  beta   for  him.        beyond  that,     tracy  provokes  many  people   without  thinking  about  it.        she  believes  that  she  is  POWERFUL   &   indestructible,     all  because  the newfound  confidence  that  she  never  had  before  makes  her  feel  invincible  to  everything   ——   but  that  often  gets  her  in  trouble.     she  provokes  many  people  who  are  STRONGER  than  her,     even  more  powerful,      just  because  she’s  way  in  over  her  head   ——-    so  it  wouldn’t  surprise  me  if  there  were  other  characters  who  would  at  least  try  to  kill   her.    

━ FAVORITE BOOK GENRE:   she’s  really  interested  in  mythology     &   trying  to  decipher  whether  or  not  it’s  real,     or  how  any  of  these  myths  might  fit  into  her  current  life.      she  was  very  interested  in  the  book  about  the  dread  doctors because  it  felt  very  real  to  her    (    because  it  was.   )      she  has  also  always  been  interested  in  horror,    often  reflected  in  her  art  as  she  likes  to  draw  out  the  characters.    

━ LEAST FAVORITE BOOK CLICHE:      it’s  not  so  much  cliches  that  she  hates,      as  much  as  general  topics.      romance  is  incredibly  BORING  to  her      (   something  she  was  never  interested  in  before  her  death    &    certainly  seemed  minuscule  when  she  came  back  to  life.    )         as  for  cliches,    though,      she  hates  the  cliche  of  the  quiet,     weird  girl becoming  popular.       she  resonates  with  characters  like  that,     &    it  makes  her  feel  uneasy  to  think  that  these  girls  actually  fall  into  a  life  of  popularity  because  that’s  not  what  she  wants.        she doesn’t  need a  lot  of  friends,      she  just  needs  a  few  people  whom  she  matters  to    &   can  provide  some  kind  of  purpose.      

━ TALENTS AND / OR POWERS:       talented  in  art    (    with  a  style  leaning  towards  the  darker  side.    )     includes  drawing,    painting,    sculpture,     etc.        powers  include  the  ability  to  paralyze  someone,     grow claws    &     fangs,     cover  her  body  in  scales,   ��produce  venom,       accelerated  healing,      super  strength  /  speed,        heightened  senses,      can  climb  on  walls  /   ceilings,       etc.       most  werewolf    &   kanima  powers  except  she  cannot  fully  shift  to  either     &     does  not  have  the  ability  to  heal  others.

━ WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LOVE THEM:     she’s  loyal    (   to  a  fault,    sometimes.    )       she  doesn’t  care  about  many  people,      &    it  takes  a  lot  to  get  her  to  care,     but  once  she  does,     she  will  never  let  you  down     &    do  everything  she  can  to  show  you  that.        you  can  count  on  her,      you  can trust  her   ——-    but  ONLY  if  you  hold  an  importance  in  her  life.    

━ WHY SOMEONE MIGHT HATE THEM:     she’s  loyal.       even  when  she  has  every  reason  not  to  trust  someone,       she won’t  change her  perspective  on  them  if  they’re  important  to  her.      this  is  especially  trust  in  my  main  verse,      set  after  theo  has  attempted  to  kill  her     &   take  her  power.       because  theo  is  the  only  person  she  has  ever  truly  felt  a  connection  to  given  their  alpha   /   beta   +    master   /   kanima  relationship,      it’s  very  difficult  to  change  her  stance  on  him.     people  will  try  to  save  her,     warn  her  that  it’s  a  bad  idea  to  keep  following  him,     &     even  show  her  exactly  what  he  has  done  to  give  her  reason  not  to  trust  him   ——-   but  that  won’t  matter.      she  feels  guilty  for  not  giving  up her  powers  to  him    &    believes  she  should  have  died  instead  of  him.       she’s  stubborn  in  that  sense   &   won’t  see  another  character’s  views  even  when  they  have  proof     &    reason  not  to  trust  him.       this  would  apply  to  anyone  who  has  real  power  over  tracy.    

━ HOW THEY CHANGE:   tracy  has  a  wide  range  of  character  development   (    not  necessarily  the  GOOD  kind   )      &   it’s  a  little  hectic  to  write  sometimes.      i  have  four  main  canon  verses,    &     she’s  VERY  different  within  each  of  them,      which  honestly  makes  it  a  little  difficult  to  throws  things  at  people  randomly  rather  than  plotting  beforehand.      i’ll  discuss  tracy  before  her  death,      during  her  time  in  the  pack,    &   post  theo.        before  being  affected  by  the  supernatural,       she  was  a  shy,     quiet,     passive  girl  without  many  friends.         she  wasn’t  really  important  to  anyone     (     not  even  her  family     )       &    she  didn’t  have  any  connections  to  anyone.       she  was  just  getting  by  without  anyone.        then,     she  kills  her  dad     &   her  therapist     but  she  thinks  she’s  DREAMING.          more  people  notice  her  now     &     they’re  trying  to  save  her.       she  has more  attention  on  her  than  she’s  ever  had     &     that  makes  it  even  more  scary.        she  doesn’t  know  what’s  happening  to  her  but  she  keeps   trying  to  pretend  it’s  NOT  HAPPENING  because  that  makes  it  easier  to  process.        her  transition  is  really  interesting  to  me  because  it  is  so  dramatic  once  she  gets  through  it.        after  her  death     &   when  theo  brings  her  back  to  life,       she  becomes  an  entirely  different  person.       she  is  finally  able  to  shed  the  life  of  the  quiet  girl    &   become  something  so  much  more  than  what  she  was.         &     she  has  people  who  matter  to  her  now,       &     she’s  determined  to  do  whatever  theo  needs  her  to  do  because  he  offers  her  a  real  purpose  now.        her  change  is  a  complete  180;      she’s  darker,      she  has  more  confidence,      &    she’s  ruthless.         she’s  no  longer  passive,     but  she’s  violent    &   blunt.        to  save  myself  from  rambling  i’ll  link  to THIS  HEADCANON  POST.        in  my  canon  divergent  main  verse      (    in  which  i  find  reasoning  for  tracy  to  be  alive  now     )         she  survived  theo’s  attack,       but  she  doesn’t  change  much  from  when  he  was  alive.       she  still   feels in  debt  to  him  for  bringing  her  to  life     &    for  creating  a  monster  out  of  her;       she  still  sees  him  as  her  alpha   &   her  master,       &   he’s  the  reason  she  deserves  to  survive  at  all.       she  feels  guilty  that  he  died     &     she  survived  when  she  believes  that  she  should  have given  her  power  up  to  him      &    thinks  that  would  have  saved  him.       she’s  even  more  BITTER  towards  the  mccall  pack  because  she  blames  them      (    but  not  before  she  blames  herself.    )        she’s  still  loyal  to  a  man  who  doesn’t  deserve it.

━ WHY YOU LOVE THEM:    i’m  going  to  try  not  to  ramble,      but  i’ve  been  roleplaying  for  7+   years  now,      &     no  character  has  reached  my  love  for  tracy.        i’ve  never  taken  so  much  time  to  develop  someone,     especially  someone  with  such little  screen time as  her.      but  that’s  why  she’s  interesting  to  me,       she  isn’t  on  screen  much,     but  when  she  is,     there  is  so  much  to  look  into about  her  character.       the  first  time  i  watched  s5,     i  couldn’t  stand  tracy,     simply  because  i  thought  she  was  a  character  they  just  brought  on  to  kill  off    (    &   she  was    )      but  i  didn’t  think  there  was  any  substance  to  her.      it wasn’t  until  the  scene  theo  killed  her that  i  started  to  really  think  about  her  character    &   who  she  really  was.        her  mind  is  so  interesting  to  me.      she  was  dead  for  a  month    &    came  back  to  an  entirely  NEW  world  for  her   ——-    she  was  no  longer  a  quiet  girl  in  the  shadows;      she  was  a powerful  creature who  could  hurt  someone  with  just  a  touch  of  her  fingers.      &   she  took  advantage  of  that,     embracing  her  new  life    &    becoming  what  she     (    thought  she   )     was  supposed  to  be.      i  find  that  transition  so incredibly  interesting   &   i  can’t  ever  get  over  it.       she  was  once  a  passive  girl  who  liked  to  pretend  that  the  bad  things  weren’t  happening,      ignoring  her  problems  in  hopes  that  they  would  just  go  away   &   she  would  be  fine.      &  now,     she’s  the  one  creating  the  problems,     causing  destruction,     embracing  a  lifestyle  that  she  once  feared.       there  is  something  deucalion  says  to  her  that  is  so  important  to  me    &   really  gives  insight  on  tracy’s  character.        “   it’s  the  truly  powerless  who  are  all  too  eager  to  demonstrate  their  newfound  strength.    “        before   this,       she  was  powerful,      she  couldn’t  hurt  anyone,      &    she  couldn’t  even  stand  up  for  herself.         now,      she  had  power,     but  she  often  wasted  her  potential,     only  using  her  power  at  the  order  of  her  alpha.      but  she  was  COCKY,     often  overestimating  herself.     she  thinks  she  can  get  through  anyone    (    attacking  parrish,     trying  to  get  lydia  on  her  own,     going  against  scott,     etc.   )      but   more  often  than not,     she  FAILS,     all  because  she’s  too  convinced  that  she  is  in   indestructible.        i  love  that.     i  love  how  much  she  relies  on  being  in  a  pack,      i  love  how  much  faith  she  puts  in  theo,    &     i  love  how  loyal  she  is  to  someone  who doesn’t  genuinely  care about  her  the  way  she  cares  for  him,      all   because  i  find  it  so  INTERESTING.       the  dynamic   between  her   &    theo  is  very  important,     it  shows  a  lot  about  their  characters  individually.      she  is  so  fiercely  loyal that  she  is  barely  a  person  on  her  own,     &    i  think  getting  into  her  mindset  has  been  the  most  fun     &   challenging  for  me,     out  of  any  character  i  have  written.       she  is  someone  i  love  talking  about    &    discussing   &    constantly  coming  up  with new  headcanons  because  i  know  that  she  is  a  very  overlooked  character  (   once  by  me  too   )       &    people  don’t  care  to  take  the  time  to  get  to  know  her,       but  she’s  so  important  to  me????       &    yes,     i  am  sad  that  she  is  dead,      but  honestly,     her  storyline  was  perfect  in  my  eyes.     dying  at  the  hands  of  someone  who  was  that  important  to  her  really  establishes  more  of  her  character      &    i  think  it  was  a  good  way  to  end  her  storyline.     &   i’ll  be  honest,     i  can’t  picture  her  in  the  current   timeline.     i don’t  believe  she  would  ever  like  or  trust  scott’s  pack  after  everything,     especially  without  theo there.     i  think  she  would  just  cause  more  destruction  that  isn’t  connected  to  the  storyline    &   it  would  be  messy.       i  love  tracy  more  than  any  character,    truly,     but  i’m  willing  to  admit   that  she  doesn’t  really  have  a  place  there   &    fitting  her  in  would  probably  ruin  her  development       (    &    redemption  or  any  attempts  to SAVE  HER from  what  she  had  become  would  be  boring  to  me.       especially  because  i  don’t  think  she  would  give  in.     )        why  do  i  always  ramble,     why  can’t  i  just  say  why  i  love  her  in  simple  words?      anyway  i  love  tracy.