#vesemir fucks

[lassieposting]

Okay but

Modern Witchers who use an app to find and pick up contracts. Like Fiverr or Uber, but for monster hunters. Witchr.

[spielzeugkaiser]

Okay, I'm not done! We had the tiniest hint of some Vesemir and Milek in the last fic from @magdelanesingerin and my brain went!! Kaer Morhen time! It must have been strange for them all.

[jay-arts-t]

Posting a a little today but really like the whole bit the boys have over calling Vesemir old. They all just collectively agree “old man old man”

It’s even funnier when notw makes vesemir only 70, or really 60 something years older than them since they’re around 4-8 age group. And he only looks like he’s in his 20s-early thirties. I’m sure Lambert started it. One day he just asks “why are you so old?” And Vesemir is left shocked. He’s not that old!!! But then when they get back to Kaer Morhen and the boys are a bit older Geralt finally gets to ask all his questions about Kaer Morhen he couldn’t ask before.

“How old is Kaer Morhen?”

“I don’t know Geralt. Old.”

“Are you older than Kaer Morhen or as old?”

Vesemir throws his boots at him. Then that’s when the whole “*insert item* is almost as old as Vesemir!”

HE HATES IT.

When Ciri finally joins them, Lambert immediately teaches her the bit. She is RUTHLESS with her insults. Vesemir is giving her a history lesson in the courtyard since it’s nice out. The boys are fixing one of the walls in the background. He’s telling her about a war that happened around 600 years ago.

“Do you remember what it was like in that time? Since you were there?” Vesemir wants to crawl into a hole and die in it. The boys are basically toppled over in laughter. Lambert starts choking from laughing too hard. Ciri seems extremely pleased with herself.

It starts evolving further into “oh you wanna know about the conjunction of spheres? Oh I dunno, ask Vesemir he was there since before the conjunction.” And “what was it like when dinosaurs were alive, Vesemir?”

AND IT SOMEHOW SPREADS. He’s in a growing town in southern Redania with Geralt and they run into Jaskier. Now he’s never had the fortune of meeting him, but he’s heard plenty. He’s about to thank the poet for looking after Geralt until Jaskier goes “so I’ve heard you’re quite old! Tell me Master Vesemir, what was it like when kingdoms started to form? How did the royal families come to be in power?”

Vesemir is SEETHING. Geralt just smiles like the little shit he is.

[teatitty]

Thinking about that scene in TW3 when Lambert puts on Vesemir's hat and does the goofiest impression of him ever this is how you know he's the youngest of the wolf bros

[wellwhatdoiput]

vesemir has the same energy as those people on tiktok who make those rustic cooking videos like where they’re in the wilderness with an entire leg of lamb and they make the most elegant and beautiful meal of it using a spit roast, fire, and a single butcher knife

[witcherthingies]

I know the reason Geralt (and others) eats very tiny pieces is because the actors can't eat too much of the food for multiple takes and eating gets in the way of talking but i like to think vesemir ingrained it in all the witchers to eat tiny bites to avoid absolutely DEVOURING it and possibly choking on their own dinner

[dragonjadearts]

just a bard, a wolf pack, and a cat

[finleycannotdraw]

ITS THEM,,,,

THE KAER MORONS,,,

show designs bc I have not played the games or read the books (yet)

eskel is there because fuck you canon

[roughentumble]

geralt/eskel cinderella AU, eskel as cinderella. as children, eskel's father was high ranking enough that he was often on court grounds, and as a doted-on child he was brought along, and played with the young prince often, unaware of his playmate's station. his mother was of common birth, but they'd married for love, and she taught him the songs of her childhood, and told him tall tales. but then his mother dies, and his father remarries, and he's too sad to bring himself to go along on trips. not long after, his father passes as well, and trips to the palace stop entirely. trips anywhere outside the house's grounds stop, in fact, and he finds himself wishing he'd dragged himself out of his depression long enough to make the most of the final trips, as he never had a chance to say goodbye to his friend. he had no idea it could all end so suddenly.

he cooks, and he cleans, and he mucks out the stables, as is his duty now. cleans the fireplaces and feeds the animals. something happens in his youth, perhaps an accident with a gardening tool, which leaves his face scarred and disfigured, made all the worse because they dont bother to take him to a proper doctor. he treats it himself with shaking hands and no mirror, and it scars something viscious. but he's always been a dutiful child, and a dutiful child he remains.

he grows strong, and dependable, working quietly and dreaming of days past. until one day he hears of a masquerade ball being held at the castle, a celebration of the prince's 18th birthday(and what a coincidence, as he's just turned 18 himself a scant few months ago). every eligible person in the city is invited... if only he could find the time to go and dance for just a night...

[macroglossus]

forgot how egregiously they fucked up basically all of the witcher s2 but especially like. all of kaer morhen. for no reason whatsoever

[vesemirsexual]

here’s my au pitch

deidre is on her way to kaer morhen to give eskel the worst surprise ever, and on her way meets our fave caravan

she’s first alerted to something wrong in the particular forest she’s travelling in when her two wolves suddenly become alert and growling. she then hears a “what the fuck?” and two pairs of bright eyes step out of the darkness - dragonfly and gaetan. they’re basically like “damn we could smell human and wolf, so we were like okay if they’re dead we can rob them, and if they’re alive we can save them and THEN demand their stuff. did not expect a weird little girl talking to some mangy wolves. weird. just gonna head out.”

so they’re trying to leave and she’s scrambling (but trying to look cool and put together) after them like WAIT you’re Witchers. and they’re leaving like no thank you you seem way too poor to hire us (still listening though because weirder things have happened). so this girl starts demanding to meet eskel of the wolves and they’re just exchanging glances and dragonfly is finally like fuck it, this is a guxart problem.

so they bring her back to the caravan and guxart is immediately like no. no no no. what part of no more feral children did you people not understand. and gaetan just points and goes idk man this kid is looking for wolves. and guxart is like okay, pause. why.

so deidre, who frankly is a royal through and through, puffs up and declares that she’s eskels child surprise and she has to go find him and he’s going to help her get her throne back.

so naturally all the other cats have been pretending to work since this all began (nosey bastards) and now everyone is someone on a scale of snickering to full blown cracking up. guxart just raises a brow and is like. uh huh. good luck with that sweetie.

deidre is pissed bc she hates not being taken seriously. this becomes a back and forth until guxart is finally like okay im not taking responsibility for a wolves child surprise dropping dead, so at the next available sign of settlement we are dropping this child off (privately he’s wondering how the fuck wolves manage to pull people into their drama orbit even when they’re all tucked up in the damn mountains).

since dragonfly and gaetan did this, guxart (he refuses to admit gleefully) assigns deidre as their problem until she’s gone.

the next week or so, they learn more about this weird weird girl. they find out she’s supposedly cursed, supposedly a mutant and also super super rude. they’ve got her pulling her weight, and every time one of them makes a snide comment about how the fuck she expects to take back an entire kingdom when she can barely cut some wood or skin a rabbit has her gritting her teeth.

eventually she ends up snapping at telling one of them to fuck right off. which finally gets some approval. deidre is a little surprised to find that the more blunt and open she is about how she’s feeling, the more helpful these assholes actually are. dragonfly managed to scope out some old trainee gear for her and gaetan actually threw her some (safe) poultice for her calluses and bruises.

thus begins the beautiful and slightly terrifying friendship/mentorship, with deidre being told (as usual) that her dreams of being queen are slightly stupid, and (not the usual) having it laid out WHY that’s a bad idea.

“pick your own path kid,” dragonfly tells her and throws her a new knife. “besides how are you meant to flirt with beautiful women if you’re stuck as a boring queen.”

deidre turns and gives her a guarded yet confused look. “you’re a woman…what do you mean flirt with women??” (dragonfly has kicked open a whole ass can of worms. dragonfly is now responsible for helping this repressed ass girl learn everything from SCRATCH. gaetan laughs his ass off until it’s his turn too.)

[podcastenthusiast]

The implication in Sword of Destiny that Vesemir told baby witchers bedtime stories is something that now lives in my head rent free.

[teatitty]

Walk with me here: Vesemir but he exclusively gets around the blue mountains via snowboarding. Vesemir but he's that white european dad who goes out in shorts and no shirt sipping a beer while it's snowing heavy outside and describes it as "a bit chilly". He's 300+ years old and doesn't give a single solitary fuck anymore

[eryn-galen]

After the battle against Voleth Meir Geralt is distracted. There’s a traumatized child to console. Brothers to burry and grieve. Great hall to clean up. He also doesn’t quite know how to approach Jaskier now that the immediate danger has passed.

So he ends up kind of ignoring the bard. And Yennefer. He’s still not sure they can fully trust her.

As a result Jaskier and Yennefer stick together. The two outsiders of the family of witchers. Where one is the other’s never too far away.

So after a few days the other witchers start referring to him as the witch’s bard.

Geralt develops an eye twitch.

[frostedwitch]

When Jaskier is left alone to his own devices in Kaer Morhen he plays with the fantastic acoustics of the old keep. He wanders the cold empty corridors and rooms with high stone ceilings, singing and listening to his notes echoing back at him. On long sleepless nights he can be found alone in the great hall, his melodies surrounding him like a ethereal sirens song.

[athenepromachos]

So possibly July.......

Split into 2 parts ? No. Just no. 🤬🤬🤬