#via pain. so like i guess i gotta. ugh. it better not fuck with my medication

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[sephirothisaslut]

I’m not fond of goodbyes... See you later?

1.

The first time Cloud met the General was on an errand for Zack.

It was Sunday, and Zack had gotten drunk the day before. How he got drunk in the first place is a mystery, but Cloud suspects it’s just an excuse to sleep in. Zack sent him a rather long message via PHS apologizing to Cloud for the inconvenience, telling him to go to his mentor (Angeal) and explain Zack’s absence.

Rather annoyed with his friend, Cloud resorted with scolding him over the phone.

“Why can’t you text him? Do I really have to say it in-person? “

“Sorry Spiky but we were supposed to train today, and Angeal doesn’t allow phones in the training room.” Zack sounded sheepish. “look I’ll make it up to you. How about some Ice-cream? My treat!”

“Ugh, Zack you’re lucky I’m awake anyway. You know this is the only day Cadets can sleep in.”

“Yeah yeah, Thanks a lot Spike!”

“I hate you” Cloud said, hanging-up.

He gathered his bearings, woke himself properly and got dressed for the day.

Cloud made his way through the building and entered the elevator, pressing the SOLDIER floor. The building was rather quiet, save for the occasional pencil pusher. Seems like everyone slept in today, of course except Cloud. Grumbling at his predicament, Cloud exited the elevator and headed to the First-Class Training Room. He knocked and entered as the door slid open.

As he stepped inside, he froze. There in the middle of the room was the Silver General himself, arms crossed and clad in his usual attire. He lifted one eye-brow and spoke.

“What are you doing here Cadet?”, Sephiroth said with a snap.

“Se-Sir! Zack asked me to tell the Commander about his absence Sir!” Cloud replied in a salute.

“At ease Cadet. It seems that both of us are hear for the same reason.” Sephiroth explained with a smirk. “Angeal sent me to inform Zackary of his absence.”

“Sir?”

“Tell Zack that training is postponed today, Angeal was sent on a mission along with Genesis last night.”

“Ye-yes Sir!” Cloud said, still stiff and dazed.

“Cadet I told you ‘at-ease’, and today is Saturday is it not? You’re not on duty.”

“yes si- I mean yeah.” Cloud uttered while rubbing his neck, “Sooo, I should leave then…”

Sephiroth merely raised an eyebrow again and smirked, looking very amused.

“Yeah ok, um, see you later” Cloud said as he left, then tensed as he realized what he just said to ‘the fucking General.’

“Hmm, see you later Cadet” Sephiroth replied as he went through the door, leaving Cloud in an empty training room.

 2.

“Ughh Zack why do I have to go” Cloud grumbled, “I’m a Cadet, I’m not supposed to be hanging-out with SOLDIERS, much less the Gods-damned Top Three of Shinra!”

“Oh come one Spike, you’ll be fine. And besides you already met Angeal and Sephiroth that one time, and Genesis will probs be ok with you, so long as you don’t insult Loveless.” Zack said while dragging Cloud toward the SOLDIER Housing section.

“You could’ve at least told me earlier so I could’ve made some more Mashed Potatoes.” Cloud gestured to the container he was holding.

“Shush, stop being a worry wart and relax. Come on!” Zack sprinted as Cloud chuckled and jogged behind him.

It was a fairly warm evening, Angeal welcomed the two boys, and Thanked Cloud for his Mashed Potatoes ( to which Cloud responded with a stuttered “yo-Your welcome…”). Genesis was lounging on the couch reading Loveless, while across him was Sephiroth scanning Angeal’s CD collection for a suitable movie.

Noticing Cloud’s gaze, Sephiroth looked up and met his eyes.

“Ah it’s the Cadet, I assume you’re here with Zackary?”

“Yes Si-“

“I believe it’s Saturday, ease-up Cadet” Sephiroth said, referencing their first meeting.

“I-…Yes”

“Sephiroth don’t be a hypocrite, how can the boy relax if you keep calling him cadet?” Genesis chided, lowering his book to tease his friend.

“Hmmm, True. So Cadet, what’s your name?” Sephiroth asked, turning to Cloud.

“uh-Cloud Si-, I mean Cloud…Cloud Strife” Cloud stuttered with a slight blush.

“Cloud? Very unusual name.”

“Look who’s talking” Cloud whispered under his breath, turning to head to the kitchen to offer help to Angeal.

“Touché”

Cloud winced, he forgot about enhanced hearing. He looked over his shoulder to see if he’s offended the General somehow, and relaxed when he saw Sephiroth had returned his focus to the CD Collection.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he left to make sure Zack hadn’t burned whatever dish Angeal has tasked him to supervise.

After preparations and several dishes, the group settled in front of the TV and started their little movie marathon. Genesis sat beside Angeal, slightly leaning on the gentle giant. Zack was seated between Angeal and Cloud, while Sephiroth settled at Cloud’s other side.

A movie in and Cloud tried not the squirm, and he seems successful. He tried focusing on the movie and not the fact that he’s sitting next to Sephiroth. He peeked at the General and blushed as he met Sephiroth’s eyes.

“So, Strife. I take it training is hard?” Sephiroth asked with a small smirk.

“Yes si-…yeah, yeah it is.”

“Hmm, who is your drill sergeant?” Sephiroth asked with curiosity.

“Sir Ghi, he’s tough on us.”

“Why is that? I heard from the Thirds that he was a relatively moderate instructor”

“Ah, it might have something to do with Bunker 4” Cloud explained with a chuckle.

“Oh? What did they do?” Sephiroth leaned closer, now obviously invested in the story.

Cloud, now noticing that their shoulders are touching, was flustered.

“Th-they didn’t do anything” Cloud squeaked, “They started a rumor that apparently Sir Ghi had once tripped during a fight with a Zolom.”

Sephiroth merely continued looking at Cloud, his smirk now a smile.

“They said he face planted in the mud and had to call for reinforcements to help him.” Cloud continued, now a little relaxed.

“It’s true” Sephiroth laughed.

“No shit!?” Cloud blurted, surprised. “I-I mean, really?”

“Yes, I was the ‘reinforcement’ that was called. It was quite messy, he never accepted missions on Swamplands after that.”

“Oh Gods, I gotta share this with the rest of the guys.”

“It’s better if you don’t, I imagine once the story spreads, Sir Ghi will make your training regime much more painful.” Sephiroth said, turning back to the movie.

“Hmm, true.” Cloud hummed as he returned to the movie.

“Oh and Cloud?” Sephiroth said without looking

“yes sir?”

“Call me Sephiroth”

Cloud looked at him, shocked. He gaped, then slowly closed his mouth and turned back to face the TV.

“Sure…Sephiroth” Cloud said, leaning slightly on the General.

Cloud didn’t see but a satisfied and happy smile graced Sephiroth’s lip.

After 3 more movies and several snacks and meals, everyone agreed to call it a night. Genesis left for his apartment, Angeal and Cloud stood and left to wash the plates, Zack headed to the bathroom, and Sephiroth volunteered to fix the living room. Cloud emerged from the kitchen and Zack from the bathroom. Everyone said their goodnights, and farewells.

“Hey Angeal, we’re heading out now!” Zack yelled toward the kitchen

“Goodnight Zack” Angeal voice emerged with the sound of running water.

“Night Seph!” Zack addressed the General. To which Sephiroth responded with a nod.

“See you later Cloud” Sephiroth smiled as he passed the two.

“See you later, Sephiroth” Cloud responded with his own smile.

3.

It had been months since Genesis defected, and weeks since Angeal had too. Zack and Sephiroth were saddled with the duties two Commanders with their normal workload. Adding to the stress, the President has tasked Sephiroth with bringing Genesis, and Angeal back.

Before he was to be deployed, Sephiroth called Cloud.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be out, but it will most likely take a few days. Three at least” Sephiroth explained.

“Hey it’s ok, I’ll be fine. Just stay safe yeah? Come back soon, and drag Genesis and Angeal back with you.” Cloud responded soothingly.

“I intend to, but I suppose I can’t blame them”

“…” “Sephiroth?”

“Yes?”

“Do you sometimes think about it?”

“About what?”

“Defecting” Cloud whispered, but then hurriedly supplied, “I-I mean I know Shinra doesn’t exactly have a safe environment, and I know their ethics are-“

“Cloud” Sephiroth’s voice cut through Cloud’s rambling.

“So-sorry I was just-“

“Cloud, I would never leave you.” Sephiroth said as both a reprimand and a promise. “You’re too important to me for that”

“o-oh”

“Cloud I love you”

“I love you too…I’m sorry I guess I’m just depressed from failing the SOLDIER exam and…”

“SOLDIER or not I still love you”

“…thank you, Seph.”

“Anyway, the transport is here…See you later?”

“hmm, yeah. See you later Seph”

Sephiroth snapped his PHS close, and turned sharply toward the chopper. He was determined to bring his friends back. And he was determined to return them even if he had to drag them by the ear, he had made a promise after all.

 4.

Cloud fought. And he intends to survive. He survived two Sephiroth clones, and Geostigma. He can survive this.

Several years since he had found himself atop the cliffs. Since he impersonated Zack. Since he lost his memories, and still missing a bulk mostly from his time in Shinra. He fought, and struggled. He held his ground as Sephiroth, the Calamity’s child, threw half the city at him. Cloud glided, jumped and dodged. He parried and slashed, hoping that this would be the last time he had to face this monster.

Cloud didn’t understand Sephiroth’s obsession with him. Perhaps it the Jenova cells, but there were times when Sephiroth’s gaze bore through him and saw something more than a puppet. Nevertheless, he still fought. Their blades met and sparked. Cloud cornered Sephiroth, finally using his Limit Break. First Tsurugi glowed and each individual sword floated and surrounded the World’s Enemy. Every strike hit his adversary where he intended.

 Cloud landed, his blades followed, surrounding him. Sephiroth rose, his wing outstretched. And then…He fell.

Cloud rushed toward him, intending to finish the job. He stood beside the One-Winged Angel, and saw-for the very first time- his face devoid of insanity and madness.

Cloud was shocked. He looked closely at the monster he had been chasing and fighting, and saw only a man. Sephiroth looked at him, smiling with broken eyes. He didn’t sneer, he just smiled sadly. He spoke in a rough, scratchy voice.

“I’m sorry Cloud…I…I’m sorry” The man said, staring into Cloud’s eyes.

“Shut up Sephiroth! You have no right to ask for forgiveness” Cloud replied with a fierceness that made Sephiroth wince.

“I know…But even so, I still would like to try” Sephiroth pleaded, his eyes now looking at the grey, empty sky.

“After everything you did to the planet? To the world? Sorry isn’t going to cut it.” Cloud glared. How dare Sephiroth of all people.

“I’m not asking the planet’s forgiveness…I’m asking for yours”

“what?”

“I’m sorry I left Cloud. I’m sorry I believed Hojo over you and Zack. I’m sorry I broke my promise.”

“what are you- “

Cloud winced; his hand shot to his head. He’s seeing visions… memories? He doesn’t know. It feels different from Jenova. There was no pain, only surprise and confusion. What are these? Are these his or Zacks? No, it’s definitely Cloud’s. Then why…no…

NO

“No…No..nonono” Cloud crashed to his knees, clasping Sephiroth’s hand.

“Cloud?”

“no no Seph please This can’t-  .. You can’t” He gasped, still dazed from his recent memory rush. He pleaded and begged as Sephiroth slowly disappeared in flecks of black feathers and miasma.

“Cloud…”

“don’t..just not-“

“Cloud…I’m not fond of goodbyes…”

‘See you later?’

Cloud returned Sephiroth’s broken gaze. He squeezed his hand tighter, afraid to let go.

“You can’t-” He whispered as the hand he held turned into a single black feather. He bowed down, unmoving for minutes.

And at the very last second, Sephiroth finally broke Cloud.

 1?

Cloud woke up. His vision swam as his eyes focused on the Cadet barracks’ ceiling. His PHS was ringing. It was Zack.

 “Why can’t you text him? Do I really have to say it in-person? “

“Sorry Spiky but we were supposed to train today, and Angeal doesn’t allow phones in the training room.” Zack replied sheepishly. “look I’ll make it up to you. How about some Ice-cream? My treat!”

“Ugh, Zack you’re lucky I’m awake anyway. You know this is the only day Cadets can sleep in.”

“Yeah yeah, Thanks a lot Spike!”

“I hate you” Cloud said, hanging-up.

Cloud stood and rose from his bed. It has been months since he was sent back, and this was the moment he had prepared for. After several minutes he was dressed. He applied his contact lenses (being sent back with his enhancements, meant that he had eyes that glowed like headlights). He headed to the elevator and pressed the button for the SOLDIER Floor. And just like last time, the building was quiet. He slowly walked toward the First-Class Training room, his knuckles hovering over the door. He breathed in, and out…Then, he knocked.

The door opened to reveal the Silver General. His back was turned, arms crossed. Cloud allowed himself to drink-in the sight. He was just as he remembered.

Sephiroth turned, his eyebrow rose.

“What are you doing here Cadet?”, Sephiroth said with a snap.

“Sir! Zack asked me to tell the Commander about his absence Sir!” Cloud replied in a salute.

“At ease Cadet. It seems that both of us are hear for the same reason.” Sephiroth explained with a smirk. “Angeal sent me to inform Zackary of his absence.”

“…” Cloud said nothing. He refused to.

“Tell Zack that training is postponed today, Angeal was sent on a mission along with Genesis last night.”

“Yes Sir!” Cloud replied

“Cadet I told you ‘at-ease’, and today is Saturday is it not? You’re not on duty.”

“Sir, even so, you are still my superior” Cloud strained to keep his voice from cracking.

Sephiroth merely raised an eyebrow again.

“I shall take my leave then Sir.” Cloud saluted and turned, “Goodbye…Sephiroth” he whispered, knowing this time, Sephiroth can hear him.

Perhaps he had been selfish. Waiting months before enacting his plan. Just to say goodbye.

He never looked back. He didn’t dare to. After rounding a corner…he fled. He ran from the tower. He ran from his old life. He ran and never looked back.

A year later, Sephiroth was sent to return Genesis and Angeal…He never came back.

A few months after Shinra’s General went AWOL, Avalanche had managed to kill the President. A gaping hole was left on the President’s chest, a single strike from Masamune. Meanwhile, Hollander remained slumped on his chair, a pool of blood under him. A blond man standing over him.

Several more months following President Shinra’s death, it rained in Midgar. Genesis’ and Angeal’s degradation cured, and Jenova was thrown into a pool of Great Gospel’s water. Sephiroth kills Hojo, and burns his corpse to ashes.

[aquarianlights]

Depending on how tomorrow goes, I may or may not go MIA from every single social media site and texting app that everyone knows me on without any notice but this. I’m not really telling anyone. Posting a mass update here and maybe fb later. But even if tomorrow goes “well” or anywhere in the “good” category...I may be too overwhelmed to be talking to anyone or on any kind of social media for a while. Hours, days, weeks. If it goes poorly, expect me gone for at least a month. If I’m still alive by the end of that---which I should be, coz I will have Echo right by my side and he will never leave my side again and I will do everything in my power to push through and be positive and be a good dad for him---then I will eventually crawl back onto social media. But my queue may run out for the second time in my entire time since I made this blog like 6-7+ years ago. It’s only run out once so far and that’s because it wasn’t maxed out and slowed down before I got institutionalized once and that was a longer stay than normal. Normally I manage to get out before my queue runs out and then ...”treat myself” with a queue filling binge of positive stuff and foxes and glittery things and nerdy things and all things christmas and cold weather. Just general stuff I like...packing it full, coz it’ll usually be on the very last few posts by the time I get out, but no one will have noticed my absence coz it won’t have run out.

But the personal space I will need from how intense this could potentially be...is terrifying for me. I usually go to social media to cope. Somehow, this is so terrifying, that stepping away from social media, stepping away from my friends, and venturing out on my own and putting myself in rather dangerous situations would be my best way to cope. Other than pouring my hours into research and schoolwork... I do have plenty of medical texts to read that I haven’t had the time to do more than skim over [stares longingly at them all].

The amount of overwhelming this is ....is just... it would break a neurotypical person and shred them to pieces. For me? I���m not sure what it will do. The good thing about my particular neurodivergency is that I don’t have much of a conscience to work with (I thought the auditory hallucinations were what everyone was referring to as a conscience until professionals finally told me that’s not what a conscience is and upon further research found I didn’t have one which is great for this situation but damn). I

This could potentially be the hardest moment of my entire life, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the biggest mistake I ever make, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the best thing that ever happens to me, but again... I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. As of right now...at the age of 26...on the date of February 24th, 2018. . .this WILL be the hardest day of my entire life to date. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, no matter the outcome. I’m not scared; I’m sick. I feel like it’d be a better idea to kill myself than go through with this. I’d get to avoid the whole thing.

I hate how logical that is.

And I hate how there’s literally not a single counter argument to it and not even one downside. There WAS one downside and that was that my friends would grieve and/or care but the two people who I was worried about caring/grieving and it affecting their lives have thoroughly proven it won’t and that they do not. That’s not pessimism or anything. That’s just cold, hard fact. Yeah, it’s a sad fact. But. . .it’s fact nonetheless. And I gotta look at the truth one way or another. Facts don’t change just because they’re not in my favour.

I really do hate how logical suicide is right now.

And I really do hate how there isn’t a single counter-argument to it. And how I have absolutely no one in my corner right now and how I have to support every single one of my friends despite the fact I have told them over and over again that I can’t be there for them and to stop and to back the fuck off with their damn problems, because I’m going through too much of my own stuff to help them with theirs. There’s only two people I will put aside my ridiculous mountain of issues that could possibly lead to my death and hopefully will to help...One has proven she is and always has been in my corner no matter what she’s going through. And the other has proven that she is definitely unreliable and won’t be there for me no matter how hard I try for her. The first one... She is the strongest person ever and she will get through my death. She will. She’s been through worse. The second one won’t care even in the slightest or even notice. I’m pretty sure she’d be relieved and happy, tbh. Lol. She’d be out there thinkin’ “FINALLY, DAMN” lolololol. I know I would be. Like, I know I WILL be when I finally do it and get to move on to the next plane of existence and get those brief moments as an infant where you’re not able to speak or communicate in any way because you have all your memories from your past life? Yeah. I’m gonna be fucking throwing a party in whatever form of a crib or bed type thing my new planet and new species has. I hope to fuck my new species is a lot more peaceful than this one. And I hope they’re more advanced and more intelligent. I guess that depends on my karma and I have no clue where my karma is at right now tbh coz I’ve done so many EXTREMELY horrible things in my life, but I’ve also done almost the exact same amount of EXTREMELY amazingly genuinely GOOD things in my life at this point that it practically balances it out to 0 so I’m just all [shruggy emoji] on whether the omnipotent fate aliens would demote or promote me during reincarnation. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Man. Tomorrow may just kill me. Hell, if I don’t kill myself before I start the drive tomorrow, I have 2 1/2 hours of driving to think about killing myself every single goddamn second during the drive there...and if, for some weird reason, I don’t have my dog on the way home...... I will have another 2 1/2 hours to think every single second about killing myself. And how the fuck easy would it be to do on Blood Mountain? I’m p sure my car takes via the route that goes over Blood Mountain. People die on Blood Mountain just driving normally.... All I gotta do is push the limits a little. Not hard to die on Blood Mountain...lmao. Not hard AT ALL. I hope my GPS takes me that way coz that’s when I start recognizing where I am and know I’m getting SORT OF close-ish I guess??? and then that idea of suicide just sounds WAY better so...not a bad idea to take a BUNCH of pills in the town right BEFORE blood mountain and then speed through it when I can’t feel my fucking feet on the pedals and am nodding off at the wheel so that I drive my car right through a guard rail or over the side of the cliff OR right into the rock wall. Yep. That sounds p fucking fantastic. Ugh. I have the worst ideas regarding car deaths and I can never do it coz I don’t wanna total my car.... Lmao. The only thing that stops me from doing it is coz I don’t wanna total my car and being a med student, my mind goes through the entire list of “what COULD happen” and how slow of a death if no one finds me and this and that and calculations and blah blah blah and palatalization and amputations and blah blah BLAH and ruining dreams for if I am FORCED into living and BLAH BLAH BLAH and car suicide is the absolute WORST idea for someone who NEEDS a bright, fast, chaotic, able-bodied future if they are forced to live omg lmao BUT....I mean, I have so many other methods in my head that I know practically all the things and I’ve tried so many ways now that I just know what I can and can’t handle and I think tomorrow is gonna be the make or break. But having Echo in the car with me after being broken..........will force me to stay alive. Which will suck so badly. But I will have to also compartmentalize all my pain and my negativity so that he’s not even MORE stressed out than by all the commotion of the situation and then by this crazy car ride and by most likely throwing up in the car.

ERGH.

I need to stop thinking about this and distract myself but I also need to rest my joints so I guess I’m gonna watch a documentary.... something nice and calming but also stimulating... I just wish people didn’t talk so monotone when narrating documentaries. Especially when it’s about the supernatural and extraterrestrials and government experiments and stuff. Like COME ON, NARRATORS. GET EXCITED. GET INTO IT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, THERE’S A REASON PEOPLE GET PUT TO SLEEP BY DOCUMENTARIES AND IT’S NOT THE DOCUMENTARY....IT’S YOU! THE NARRATOR! YOU’RE THE ISSUE. GET INVOLVED. GET HYPED ABOUT THE INFORMATION! GET PASSIONATE. FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT’S COOL STUFF. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT, YA DAMN MONOTONE, ROBOTIC NIMROD. Ergh. Someone needs to sign me up to narrate a documentary. I used to speak at public rallies about puppy mills all over my county to educate the masses during high school because I was enraged about it and TRUST ME when YOU’RE having FUN WITH IT or ENRAGED BY IT or THINK THE INFORMATION IS COOL and REALLY GET INTO IT...........SO WILL YOUR AUDIENCE. It’s not the information that’s boring. It’s not the documentary that’s boring. It’s not the subject material. IT’S THE NARRATOR. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME JUST LET ME DO THEIR DAMN JOB CORRECTLY SO I CAN SHOW THEM HOW TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS SO THEY CAN LEARN. FUCK.

dfkhdglskagjdshlkg Omg.

No okay now I’m gonna get angry at a documentary narrator for not doing their job correctly. Lmao. Gotta watch something uh.... Passionate. I guess. But that doesn’t require too much focus. But doesn’t numb my mind. Star Trek. I always default to Star Trek. Jfc. I guess I’mma pop on some Weyoun heavy episodes while I wait for the “all clear” on my joint timer thing so I can get up and exercise and do some fucking research and maybe pleasure-read for a bit before more joint resting because long drives and lots of heavy lifting is a big no-no and I’m not supposed to but things aren’t gonna pack themselves. Things aren’t gonna sort themselves?? LIKE??? Fuck it’s gonna be SO hard leaving majority of my material possessions that have so much personal value to me. :/ Argh. I don’t even have the ability to take them in order to sell them. I don’t even have that kind of strength or time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EDS is a fucking bitch, man. Fucking BITCH. T-Therapy better fucking cure EDS. Like. They’re all on board with it. 4 of my specialists are. And I’m meeting with my HRT doc next week. This coming week. So.... we’ll see. She cordoned off 2 appointments for me for all the things. Sigh. 

Oh right. Yes. Joint rest.

I’m bad at this. I hate resting. I really do. I hate being stationary. I hate not being able to do stuff. I HATE THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDS is a fucking killer for people with former suicidal depression who had had it all their life and it had apparently been fixed by meds and now suddenly it’s back like WOW fuck EDS. Ugh. And I’m getting all these phone calls from my docs as my tests come back telling me I need to change my diet to avoid this and that and change this and that like whole HUGE lifestyle changes but adding “We’ll go over the full thing at our next appointment, but I STRONGLY ADVISE...” I’m like, “Well bitch as long as you tell me it’s just advise and not a MUST, I want a damn biscuit okay. Fuck your no gluten.” But then again, I have a stomach ulcer so I can’t really eat ANYTHING right now so wah. [whines]

FUCK. KILLIAN. LIE DOWN. STOP TYPING. I NEED SOMEONE TO FUCKING WHACK ME WITH A FUCKING RULER OR SOMETHING LIKE THE NUNS USED TO DO IN MY PRIVATE, CATHOLIC SCHOOL. LMAO.

[stops now...for real this time...but reluctantly and rather bitterly]

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz lbs: 4th + 5th may

suchhhh bad acting by the qaidis. lord, why can’t this show get better extras? 😐😐😐

pft. shivaay singh oberoi just DANCED around drunk on magic berries with a bigger gun than that. try harder, qaidis. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao, shuru ho gayi apni madam. 😋😋😋

HAHAHAHA AMAR PREM 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

“naam sunte hai pata chala tha tum filmy aur awaara kism ke ladke ho, but no! tum toh nikkame aur nithalle bhi ho.” 😂😂😂

lol shivaay’s reaction to her ENERGY. 😂😂😂

OMG JUST WHEN I THINK I CAN’T LOVE ANIKA MORE, SHE QUOTES ANDAZ APNA APNA. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, I WOULD DIE FOR THIS GIRL. I WOULD. MOVE OVER SHIVAAY. NO ONE CAN LOVE HER MORE THAN ME. 😭😭😭

this is exaaaaaaaaactly how i react when ppl tell me they haven’t seen andaz apna apna. 😧😧😧

jesus i feel like gul & co. are stalking me. *looks around suspiciously*

these qaidis need to get a grip with the bad acting. 😕😕😕

shivaay is so undeserving of my queen. can she leave his unappreciative ass and marry me? ours shall be a happy, andaz apna apna quote filled union. 👭🏽👭🏽👭🏽

why are the qaidis holding hands? are they lovers, ‘i love you philip morris’ style? 🤔🤔🤔

also i swear i’ve seen the moochi waala qaidi somewhere before. 😐😐😐

lmaooooooooo shivaay’s faceeee when she keeps talking. 😂😂😂

lol, the moochi waala qaidi is thissss close to losing it. i guess you need to be exposed to anika for a really long time to build up resistence the way shivaay has. 😋😋😋

whattttt kinda stupidass police doesn’t know what the faraar qaidi look like? 😒😒😒

i really think the qaidi are lovers. look how affectionately that one is sehlaofying the other one’s knee. 😙😙😙

who died and made anika the leading expert on tyres? 🙄🙄🙄

lol, sach mein aaj bohut bakbak kar rahi hai. i think she MIGHT still be high on berry juice. 😂😂😂

lo. aur police. 😐😐😐

finally. someone knows what INDIA’S LEADING BUSINESSMAN looks like. 😒😒😒

BIWI BIWI BIWI BIWI. man is unstoppable. i think he’s just glad someone’s married to his annoying ass.  😂😂😂

aaaaaaaaand moochi waala qaidi’s lost his temper finally. 😝😝😝

OUFF, SHIVAAY. YOU’RE THE BIGGEST IDIOT. I THINK THIS IS PROOF HE’S A BONAFIDE OBEROI, COZ SUCH DUMBASSERY IS 100% OBEROI GENES. 😑😑😑 

lol anika talking about her hair routine featuring mehendi reminds me of the scene where she offers omkaara shikakai and reetha waala shampoo as thanks for clearing her name of the chip waala accusation. 😂😂😂

why the fuck hasn’t shivaay noticed that the policeman is out cold???? 😒😒😒

CODEWORD BHI NAHI SMAJHTA, BEWAKOOF!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤

“lagta hai bhabiji ko antakshari khelni hai.” lmao 😂😂😂

haha shivaay’s fake laugh. 😂😂😂

oh god, please don’t make HIM sing. 🙉🙉🙉

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG SHIVAAY’S GETTING MAD THAT ANIKA’S SINGING DURING HIS TURN. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

shivaay singh oberoi, antakshari enthusiast. who knew. 😇😇😇

… i’m so surprised shivaay even knows how to play antakshari. it’s such a LS game as far as he’s concerned. 🤔🤔🤔

LMAO LOOK AT HIM ENJOYING ‘GOLI MAAR BHEJEEEE MEIN’ AS IF IT’S SOME CLASSICAL RAAG 😂😂😂😂

oh godddddddddddddd now he’s even singing along to oye oye. this fucking idiot. 😂😂😂

FUCKINGGGGGG FINALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY! 

LOL WHY IS HE STILLL SINGINGGGG ALONNNNNGGG???? 😂😂😂

could youuuuu people run a little FURTHER, and not just stop at the first thing you found???????? idiots. 😒😒

“tum theek ho?” awwww 😭😭😭😭

lmaooo “haan par US WAQT ka code word tha na!” pffffffft. typical husband wala excuse. 🙄🙄🙄

“TOH ACHCHI QUALITY KA BRAIN KHAREEDNA CHAHIYE THA NA!!!!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂

he doesn’t know what oootpataang means??? it’s a normal word though?? 😐😐😐

I TOLD YOU FUCKERS TO RUN FURTHERRRRRRRRRRR 😩😩😩

qaidis are taking full opportunity to fucking ACT the fuck out of the 3 minutes given to them. 😒😒😒

shivaay, you know she’s not gonna leave your stupid ass, as much as you deserve it. it’s her one fatal flaw. 😑😑😑

pffffffft, so only you can talk crap about how much she talks eh? 🙄🙄🙄

lmaooooooo anika and her thermocol ka stone. 😂😂😂

qaidi 2 ki actingggggggg. amazing. 

headcanon: patidev was finding anika all types of sexy and advancing to kiss the crap outta her when that stupid qaidi interrupted. 😠😠😠

is this the time to pick a fight, shivaay? kissss her! 😚😚😚

i feel like my liveblogs these days should just be a bullet point after bullet point screaming “kiss her!!!!!!!!!!!” and nothing more. 😐😐😐

please, is that why you stood in front of a gun, ready to take a bullet with her name on it FOR THE SECOND FUCKING TIME???? 🙄🙄🙄

this is an equal opportunity bullet-taking relationship, asshole. you better accept that and get used to it, mister. 😑😑😑

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO THEM SCREAMING SHUT UP AT THE QAIDI. AND HIM ACTUALLY PUTTING HIS FINGER ON HIS LIPS. 😂😂😂😂

she’s right. it is yourrrrr fault, shivaay. your nosy NKK enquiring ass is to fault! 😒😒😒

“haddi-tod bhi” LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO 😂😂😂

I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS KANJI EYED MOTHERFUCKER GETS HIMSELF SHOT AGAIN, IMMA RESURRECT HIS DEAD ASS AND KILL HIM ALL OVER AGAIN MYSELF. AND IT’LL BE PAINFUL AND FUCKING SLOW. FUCKING HELL. 😡😡😡

5th may

lmaoooooo wait, they’re really named AMAR PREM? hahahahahaha 😂😂😂

shivaay’s sideeye at the qaidis while watching them argue. 😂😂😂

“mere koooo kyunnn maaara????” - said in the same voice and tone as “tere ko kisneee maaara????????” from gunda 😂😂😂

anika’s turn to stand in front now. #feminism 💁🏽💁🏽💁🏽

oh mooch wale qaidi. that was a mistake. you made SSO angry. you won’t like him when he’s angry. 😬😬😬

“BIIIIIIIIIIWIIIIII HAI MERIIIIIIIIIII! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS RAN OUT ON MY ASS ON MY WEDDING DAY???? YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET HER TO MARRY ME? AND TO KEEP HER MARRIED TO ME ON A DAILY BASIS? IT’S FUCKING HARD. DON’T YOU FUCKING BE SHOOTING AT THE ONLY WOMAN ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH WHO CAN TOLERATE ME!!!!!!!!”

lol nakuul having to stand on his tippy toes to match the qaidi’s height. 😂😂😂

why’s he pointing the gun towards himself tho? such a fucking idiot. 😒😒😒

pfffffffffft, i already know the qaidi’s the one who’s getting shot. awaaiiiii ka drama. 🙄🙄🙄

looks like policeman finallly fucking woke up from his mini coma. 😐😐😐

also, god, so overdramatic, mooch waale qaidi. bas haath pe hi toh laga hai. that’s like a rudra level graaaaaaze. ask these two how a gunshot to the fucking chest feels. 😒😒😒

yaaaaaaaaaaas, you hug the crap outta your husband girl. 😊😊😊

and since he’s not taking the initiative, maybe YOU kiss him. it’s 2017, girls can do that now. 🙆🏽🙆🏽🙆🏽

coz she loves your dumb ass, you dumbass. 😒😒😒

ouff. you two. less fighting. more makeout-ing. 🙄🙄🙄

oh ho, ghoom phir ke back to NKK. 😑😑😑

btw, is this all happening in front of the chor-police? like… you two should maybe take this behind that wall. 😕😕😕

aw. he’s trying. 😭😭😭

i know he is, but… come on man, you’re a grownass adult. you gotta learn how to control your impulses. you can’t just do whatever the fuck you “want”. i WANT to quit my job and just stay in bed, braless all day. i WANT to never eat another healthy meal again and just subsist on potato chips and popcorn for the rest of my life. can i do that? NO. COZ THAT’S WHAT BEING A GODDAMN ADULT IS ABOUT. YOU CONTROL YOUR IMPULSES AND DO THE RIGHT THING. 😒😒😒

aaaah, finally she said it. 😭😭😭

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

also, crying. my boy’s grown up. he’s SO grown up. waaaaaah. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

amazing what some rottenass alcoholic berries and having a gun pointed in your face can do! they’ve given this man the self awareness he’s been lacking for 33 fucking years. 😐😐😐

ok, did he stay up all night reading some relationship therapy book or what? he’s talking classic counselling language. 🤔🤔🤔

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh, they love each other sooooo muchhhhhhhhhh. and iiiiiiiii love them soooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

COULD YOU FUCKERS AT LEAST FUCKING KISS NOW?!!? 😩😩😩

GODDAMNIT POLICE OFFICER!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WERE GONNA KISS! THEY ALREADY HAVE A BROTHER WHO DOES GHATIYA INOPPORTUNATELY TIMED SHAYARI BACK HOME. NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOUR STUPIDASS FUCKING SHER. 😡😡😡

also, where did the second policeman come from?? 

GO HOME AND SEXXXXXXXX NOW!!!!!!!!!!! 👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽

walk, you spoilt braaaatttt! 🙄🙄🙄

CHAMPA!!!!!!!!! 😇😇😇

lmaooooo anika’s wonderstruck look at her ownnnn hands. such fucking cute. i love her so much. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

lmaoooooo “zindagi bharrrr yeh sunna hoga” suchhhhh a typical husband. 😂😂😂

lol tumhare paas jet THAAA. it crashed, remember? 😋😋😋

LMAO SHE’S SOOOOO ME. SUCHHHH A PATRONIZING SMUGASS BITCHHHHHH. 😂😂😂

awwww look how nervous he is. 😊😊😊

HELLO CHAMPU! 😂😂😂 

she just SHOVED him offffff lmaooooo 😂😂😂😂

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HE’S COVERING HIS FACE!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

“dono” haha awwwwwwwwww 😙😙😙

“is baare mein kisi ko bataana mat.” 

omgggggggg this adorable fuckerrrrr. 💘💘💘💘

“pair theek se aa rahe hai?“ 

kyun nahi aayenge? utniiiii height toh hai nahi iski. 😋😋😋

lollllllllllllllllllll he doesn’t know what to do with his handsssssssss. 😂😂😂

why the random flashbacks to the #shitia party? 🤔🤔🤔

ouffffff, back to this hellhole. can’t my babies just stayyyyy in the foresttttttttt? 😫😫😫

lmaoooooooo look at him saunter in coooooolllly in the bg. 😆😆😆

UGH. CALM DOWN MUMMEH. HE’S BACK NOW. 🙄🙄🙄

and fuck your passive aggressiveness. 😑😑😑

shivaay’s silent but slightly annoyed “I’M A GROWNASS ADULT” face is my permanant face at my mom. 😐😐😐

mummeh doesn’t appreciate being dismissed like that. 😬😬😬

nor does she appreciate him being a GOOD FUCKING HUSBAND. THERE IS NOTHING I FUCKING HATE MORE THAN THIS DESI CONCEPT OF “JORU KA GHULAM”. IT’S CALLED BEING A CONSIDERATE, LOVING HUSBAND. MAJAAAAAL HAI KI THE PATRIARCHY LET A MAN BE DEMONSTRABLY AFFECTIONATE AND CARING TOWARDS HIS GODDAMN WIFE. 👿👿👿👿

i’ve said it once, i’ll say it again: fuck you very much pinky. please die, thanks. 👹👹👹☠☠☠

god what nonsense. looks like gauri’s bullshit #pativrataness is spreading via air to anika. ugh. LET HIM TOUCH YOUR GODDAMN FEET IF THAT’S WHAT HE WANTS. 😒😒

goddddddd pinkyyyyyyyyyy, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!!!!!! BHOOT KE TARAH MANDARAAA RAHI HAI HAMESHA. 😑😑😑

and he said he doesn’t wanna do the damn pooja. DROP IT, MUMMEH! 😠😠😠

yeah, whatever. good luck trying. now leave. 🙄🙄🙄

“khud ko change karne ki koshish kar raha hoon. mere liye tumhara naam khoon khaandaan TUMSE IMPORTANT NAHI HAI.“ 

excuse me. it’s raining on my face. 😭😭😭

… ”HUMAAAAAAARE LIYE”. SAY IT! SAY IT! 🙃🙃🙃

HAAAAAAAA, HE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

“ek dusre ke liye goli khaa sakte hai… toh mom ki gaali khaa hi sakte hai.“ 

lol idk about you shivaay, but i’d rather khaaofy goli rather than mom ki gaali, coz desi moms and their daant is waaaay more emotionally traumatic. 😫😫😫

also, waaaaaaaaaaaaah, i loveeeee himmmmmmmmmm. 😭😭😭

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT MAHI VE CONFIRMED TO BE SHIVAAY KA BHAI 😱😱😱

today’s lb will be put up like… waaaaaay later. :)