#wanting to stay trendy without having read a fine story ever

[yume-fanfare]

also i hated those days in between fine event story releases. can we not do that again ever

[kobithedragon]

Yet another essay about tumblr (originally intended to be sent as an ask to @cyle but I decided to just post it here instead).

ps: I have a #tumblr tag for more meta-commentary (although if you scroll far down enough there's a very long and annoying essay I wrote that nobody really needs to read)

I did a meta-commentary tumblr meme thing for u and the team I hope u like it ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

There's good n bad of both sides of course, I just had this idea for a meme because there's a clear dichotomy between the different social platforms in our current day and age due to the ageing of the internet, and this'll only get more interesting as the internet ages further. Tumblr seems to be at somewhat of a fork in the road after Yahoo thought they were Facebook and bought x trendy social platform(s) to stay relevant after years of decline. However, unlike Facebook with Instagram, over the years Yahoo failed to adapt the once trendy flickr & tumblr to new trends such as the switch to smartphones (Instagram is a smartphone app before anything else) or the rise of video-based content (IGTV and now reels) and the ever increasing lean on social features rather than blogging features (Instagram's story replies leading to direct conversation rather than more forum-like reblogging to a thread).

Anyway, I'm glad Yahoo left tumblr virtually untouched besides a few tweaks and oversights that shrunk the traffic. A huge userbase at the cost of being like Instagram? Heck, ban whatever you like, but don't close the api. Tumblr is tumblr because I can thoroughly explore without an algorithm (thanks via chain!), I can reshare permanently (thanks reblogs!) and consistently and not sporadically (thanks queue!) to a publicly viewable and paginated archive without breaking any sort of links to the communities I shared from (thanks the via chain again!), I can do all this on whichever 3rd party software I choose with whichever features I want, aaaand I can annoy people in the dashboard by writing huge essays without a read more section. And we can all make a ridiculously long reblog chain together. At least to me, that's what tumblr is. Freedom to explore and express. No matter how tight the guidelines become due to everyone's least favourite fruit, who also claims to be the arbiter of the direct word of God (perhaps you've seen the post floating around where Apple disallows incorrect interpretations of religious scripture even though scholars have been arguing over what it all really means for quite some time now), the core mechanics of the tumblr platform allow for so much expression and diversity to be aggregated by everyone.

While tumblr isn't quite as "specialised" as flickr or "underground" like are.na, it has way more of an identity than Facebook. There's no such thing as a "Facebook user" because everyone is a Facebook user. It's the same with Instagram, and even Pinterest. Everyone uses them because they appeal to everyone. And that's fine of course, because tumblr also wants to appeal to a diverse community. But they don't have their unique charm like tumblr does. Lesser known platforms have a charm. Platforms with niche features that don't exist just for user engagement and profit but instead for the sake of a higher purpose. Older platforms have a charm. Those that are both unknown/declining and relics have survived because they weren't shut down when they stopped being profitable or easy to run like Google+ was for example. They keep going because they're precious and important to their userbase. Tumblr doesn't wake up every morning because it's easy, it does it because it must! You guys have been through a ridiculous amount but you're still going strong. Alternatives need to exist. And they were made because the internet is exciting, not because the internet is profitable. To quote Porcupine Tree's "The Sound of Muzak":

Hear the sound of music

Drifting in the aisles

Elevator Prozac

Stretching on for miles

The music of the future

Will not entertain

It's only meant to repress

And neutralize your brain

Soul gets squeezed out

Edges get blunt

Demographic

Gives what you want

One of the wonders of the world is going down

It's going down I know

It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares

No-one cares enough

Now the sound of music

Comes in silver pills

Engineered to suit you

Building cheaper thrills

The music of rebellion

Makes you want to rage

But it's made by millionaires

Who are nearly twice your age

One of the wonders of the world is going down

It's going down I know

It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares

No-one cares enough

If we replace "music" with "social media" we get a profoundly accurate description of our current situation - predicted back in 2002 while Geocities was still cool. But I know that whatever tumblr does, whether it adds stories or reels ("takes"?) or whatever the next big thing is, or even if it invents something completely different, it'll still be tumblr. It's a tough world out there with all these social media giants swallowing up the userbases of their still living ancestors and their exciting alternatives. I have a lot of respect to you guys for keeping this ship afloat. I hope you can break even someday. I wish you the best:)

Ps: this is really very long, so you don't have to worry about posting it or anything. It started off as "hey there's an idea for a meme" and sorta just became "oh man. I got so carried away and here I am 4 hours later re reading this for the 50th time". Also I'm too lazy to rewrite the meme now but I kinda want to reword some stuff like "aggressive monetisation" in regards to Instagram and Facebook just means like the whole privacy Ad scandal, which of course tumblr has nothing to do with, and then there's paying for features that have been taken away which is at the opposite end of the spectrum but I guess can also be interpreted as "aggressive monetisation" right? I mean are.na has no commercialisation whatsoever, it's tiny and probably covers it's tiny server costs thanks to subscribers and investors and flickr has a tonne of photos it needs to store (well, less now unfortunately but it's still probably an insane amount, all that internet history) and it's overt about how much money it's losing but then there's the 100 year thing which seems cool, I just hope enough people are subbed to Flickr pro and they're getting enough revenue from those ads💔. Anyway so tumblr has done neither of these things yet, it's not advertiser friendly and it's not paywalling any features that should really be free (are.na isn't usable with a 200 post (aka block) limit. It really isn't. 4 days later and I'm 200 blocks in - not making any new connections. It's very unhealthy for the platform to restrict it's core feature and stunt the growth of archives. It's actually very heartbreaking because there would be so many more connections, so many more channels, so much more to explore. There should never be a limit on that stuff in my opinion, especially on are.na)..Yes there's a store now and the shopping cart skeleton dude (actually seeing that is what inspired me to do this in the first place, it was just interesting and cute) which is something are.na would probably never do but I'm not sure if it can be compared to the Facebook marketplace but I have no idea where any of this is headed but I'm excited because where does tumblr fit in the social media dichotomy as we accelerate into a rapidly changing future of the internet? Only time will tell. Truly fascinating platform.

[adonis-koo]

ghostin him

Summary: Life is nothing more than dull colors for you, your world shattered and laying in the shards of what once was rather than focusing on what is. That is until you meet Kim Namjoon, who is immediately taken by you without realizing you’re a girl with a whole lot of baggage, through tears and many sleepless nights you’re faced with a choice of hanging on with bleeding hands, or accepting what is, and letting go.

‘What did you do?’

‘I ruined everything. I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost.’

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader, Taehyung/reader

Word Count: 26k

Genre: hurt and comfort, angst with a happy ending, whew this one is gonna hurt y’all, bakery!AU, one sided pining, unrequited feelings, some more angst, Jungkook just really loves his Noona, Namjoon is a mess, but so is MC,

Warning: this fic deals with major character death, mourning and suicidal thoughts, please read with caution!

Note: whew, I’m not gonna lie guys this is a pretty heavy fic! I poured a lot of sad feelings into this as just a way to vent out my sadness! I’d also like to mention I am fine lmao! I often get bouts of sadness and all of it went into this so I hope you enjoy! Last but not least a big big big thank you to @tiny-onecx​​ for beta reading this when it was a giant mess and helping me turn it into the bittersweet story it is today! <3

“Baby, come on, wake up,” His deep, dulcet voice quietly called out, a whine escaping you as you flopped onto your stomach, your face buried. Large hands grabbing your waist as his fingertips dragged against the open skin, “C’mon, you missed your alarm clock.” You felt his nose rub against your neck, hair tickling your skin and his body was so warm. 

Rolling over you groaned as you glanced at the man who laid beside you, Taehyung’s smile lit up like the sun as he let his fingers gently brush over the skin of your face, “Morning.” 

Adoration filled your whole chest, butterflies swarming in your stomach with giddy happiness you couldn’t ever adequately describe as a shy smile tugged on your lips, “Morning.” His fingers dragging down to your lips, thumbing the soft subtle lower lip. His forehead pressing against yours as he smiled once more, “Come on baby, let’s get up.” 

“Get up.” 

“Y/n, you’re gonna be late for work, what the hell!?” 

Your eyes cracked open as you groaned, your roommate Jimin was already dressed and had probably already eaten breakfast as he sighed, frowning at your somewhat confused figure as your head snapped to the other side of the bed. It was like a sucker punch in the gut, seeing the other side of the bed empty. Tears already threatened to spill, the butterflies in your stomach were gone, his deep voice along with it as you realized Taehyung, the man you had woken up with was just a cruel dream, “I’ll be up in a minute.” You muttered, covering your face with your pillow as you choked back a crack in your voice. 

You could feel Jimin’s presence stay in the room at the sound of your muffled sob, refusing to show your face from your pillow as you curled up away from him. You didn’t want to talk about it, he knew it, but it still hurt to watch you. Even after a year it was like time had stopped, would it ever heal? Your door quietly shut after a minute as you pressed your face into your pillow to quiet your sobs, hugging it close and praying maybe if you tried hard enough you’d fall back asleep where you’d be with Taehyung again. 

It didn’t matter how much sleep you got, your body was permanently lethargic and tired, getting out of bed every day was always a difficult task. Tears stained your face as you grabbed your phone, sniffling as you muttered, “Shit.” You dropped your phone into your lap as you pressed your hands to your face. You were late. Again. Your boss had been understanding the first six months, but now? Not so much. 

You got up, hurriedly wiping your face as you sniffled once more, fumbling with your clothes as you changed. Tying up your hair as you grabbed your phone before hurrying out the door, Jimin long gone for work so at the very least he wasn’t going to nag you for being late. It didn’t matter what you did, you tried everything, a new hobby, crafts, drawing, baking, nothing worked. Nothing filled the void in you. You could find Taehyung in everything you did, always. 

Straightening yourself out you opened the door to the cafe you worked in. The only thing that made you feel better was working, filling your life with nothing but endless busy work to keep your thoughts off of him. It worked until you got off shift and rinse repeat. That was all your life had become now. 

It used to be filled with vivid hues and rose colored glasses with Taehyung, he found beauty in everything and he showered you in all of it, he taught you optimism and love in a way you never thought you could feel it. You had gotten so used to his presence you didn’t even realize how much you radiate happiness when he was with you. Now your life is a bleak endless void; work, cry, sleep. 

It’s all the energy you had to do anymore, what was the point in doing anything else? You’d never get to experience life in the beautiful eyes of Taehyung again. You sucked a sharp breath of air in as a voice called out, “Hey! There you are Noona.” Like a blessing from above your coworker called out with a big bunny-like smile. 

“Thank’s Jungkook.” He hadn’t even said anything but you couldn’t help but give a weak smile in compensation for him not ratting you out to your boss who luckily wasn’t in today. He knew what happened, but he rarely ever brings it up, perhaps sensing you were still grieving and would prefer to keep your mind off it. 

But you knew you couldn’t fool anyone, your smile always seemed sadder these days, Jungkook more than anyone could sense it. Rounding the counter you set your bag down as he asked softly, “Are you good?” That was all he ever asked, an open invitation that if you ever wanted to talk about it he’d be more than happy to listen. Many people in your life were like this, bless all of them. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You mumbled, refusing to look at him as you dug through your things, pretending as if you were looking for something when you genuinely couldn’t look at him, few words could cause you to burst into a faucet of tears and you refused to cry at work. 

If you turned around to look up at Jungkook’s stupid, soft, doe like eyes that were always so understanding you’d surely start crying. You didn’t have to look at your coworker to know he was frowning but said no more, just like always. 

You didn’t mean to push all of your friends away, but you simply needed time alone, by yourself to get through this. If ever. Some days you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever get over it, if you’d ever love someone the way you loved Taehyung again. Pulling the apron on you pushed all of your sad thoughts to the back of your head and got to work. 

Work was your happy place, as happy as it could be at least. You could pretend, just for a little while. That everything was okay, “Hey, where did the flour go?” Yoongi came out of the back complaining as he glared at Jungkook, “You closed last night.” His eyes narrowed into daggers at the younger boy who impishly smiled in response, 

“Hyung it’s where it always is, didn’t you check the top shelf? It should be there.” Jungkook insisted as he followed Yoongi to the back who was grumbling, said-baker not liking his ingredients misplaced. You felt a small smile tug on your lips as you watched them bicker as the door to the back shut. 

Turning away you walked up to the register where a customer had been scanning over the menu before ordering. Fixing coffee, getting a croissant, it was quaint work but something about it made you feel happy. Reminded you of simpler times. 

The bell against the door rang as you popped up from your crouched position, setting the plate and coffee on the counter as you called out the customer's name before going back up to the register, carefully watching the man whose eyes met with yours suddenly smack right into a table. 

You winced a little as he grunted in pain, rubbing his thigh that hit the hard edge of the table, his face looking oddly red as he rubbed his neck, unable to hold your stare for a even a short period of time as he awkwardly coughed, frantically looking over the menu, “Uh, you can take your time sir.” You raised an eyebrow as you glanced away, why was he making this feel so awkward? 

“O-okay, thank you.” He offered a sincere yet somewhat odd smile, your eyes immediately flickering to the pretty dimples that poked into his cheeks before he quickly looked back up at the menu as you turned around to wipe down the counters that had gotten crumbs all over it. Presumably from Jungkook eating yesterday's leftover pastries that didn’t sell. 

Casually you glanced at the stranger, sure you had a few new people every day but generally the cafe only had regulars come in or people that stopped in a few times a week. It was a trendy little place and was close to the city’s college campus making it a hot spot for friends to study at. 

“You don’t look like you’ve been here before.” You commented causing him to jump, his eyes flicking to your figure before immediately back to the menu. 

“I uh- Probably because I haven’t,” He gave an awkward smile as he closed his eyes, without even fully realizing it you felt your lips tug into a tiny smile as he began to relax a little at your observation, “My friend constantly talks about how amazing the pastries here are so I figured I’d come by and try them, just the smell is making my mouth water.” 

Letting your arms rest against the counter you hummed, “You should try the coco cream cupcakes if you like chocolate oh! Or the sugar glazed puff pastries if you want something light and low on the sweetness.” Sugar glazed pastries were your favorite, Yoongi would always let you take leftovers home if they didn’t all sell that day. You always loved sharing them with-

“Alright! I’ll have two of the sugar glazed pastries then! Oh, can I get an americano to go with it?” He asked, seemingly confident in your choice of sweets or maybe just a little overwhelmed at how much was crammed onto the small menu. 

To be fair Yoongi was always whipping out new recipes and they always tasted delicious, he eventually had to keep some limited edition due to the limited space on the menu and sometimes he’d put up seasonal sweets as well. Your favorite was never pumpkin spice but nutmeg and cider cinnamon rolls, it tasted like october. October would be coming around again soon, it was hard to believe it would be a year soon…

“Of course.” You coughed out, hands fumbling somewhat as you tried to keep your mind from sinking into a place where it would not return if you let it, “Name?” 

“U-uh what?” He asked, looking somewhat sheepish and caught off guard as you glanced up from the register, tilting your head at the sight of his flushed face and eyes that kept jumping between you and the menu over ahead as if to appear like he wasn’t staring at you.

“For the order…” You replied somewhat hesitantly, a frown on your face as he suddenly laughed, looking mildly relieved as he rubbed the back of his neck. Still refusing to meet your gaze as if he seemed a little embarrassed.

“O-oh right. Namjoon.” He offered a weak smile as you wrote it down on his cup. Ringing him up you gave him his receipt before working on his americano. Jungkook just then opened the door to the back, the front of his black shirt completely covered in flour and his face looked as if he just sucked on a lemon. 

“...Do I wanna ask?” You frowned though you felt your lips threatening to tug into a smile at his exasperated expression, turning to face the register as he mumbled something about accidentally putting the flour in the pantry. Setting the sugar glazed pastry neatly on a plate before placing the plate and drink on the counter calling Namjoon’s name who appeared to be typing very passionately on his phone before glancing up. 

“Thank you- ah…” He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to your shirt before he smiled brightly at you, “Y/n.” Your name tag was a little crooked today, making it stick out from your clothes in an annoying way but you couldn’t be bothered to adjust it. 

You gave a small nod as you turned around, glancing at Jungkook who seemed to watch both you and the man- Namjoon like a hawk as you asked, “What?” 

“Nothing.” He shrugged but it definitely did not look like nothing, before you could interrogate the younger boy he was already taking a customer's order. Sighing, you shook your head before you began working on the next order. 

The day went by quickly as always, the only thing that stuck out was when Namjoon left, waving at you before accidentally smacking against a chair that had been left unpushed by a table, causing him to stumble. You weren’t sure why but something just seemed….

“He likes you.” 

Your head whipped back over to Jungkook who was finished the last of cleaning before taking off as if his shift ended an hour earlier than yours. You couldn’t help but scoff as you rolled your eyes. 

“I’m being serious Noona!” Jungkook frowned, waving his hand to the door where Namjoon had long since left, “He kept smiling like an idiot while glancing over at you working.” You crossed your arms as you tilted your head.

“You were watching him eat?” You raised a brow, Jungkook’s face flushing somewhat as he glanced away, mumbling a no despite knowing for a fact he definitely was, “He’s just a customer Jungkook.” You dismissed him making a cute pout tug on his lips. You...you couldn’t even think about someone liking you. 

It wasn’t possible. Not right now at least. Jungkook sighed, his lips still tugged into a pout and those dumb doe eyes of his always getting the better of you as you scowled looking away, he was so stubborn when he wanted to be, “You might not be ready to move on Noona but that doesn’t mean other people can see that.” 

Your jaw clenched and your eyes glared against the counter, refusing to look at him as he sighed, “Bye Noona, see you friday.” You mumbled a goodbye as you sighed, closing your eyes as you rubbed your forehead. Just keep breathing. 

“Awh don’t cry baby,” Your cheeks squished and lips peppered against your face as you sniffled, trying your best not to cry at the sad scene in the movie but failing as a small whimper escaped your lips, “You’re so cute.” 

You shoved him causing laughter to erupt from his lips as you scowled while sniffling, “Tae shut up!” He gave you a playful nip on the neck as he hauled you into his lap, pressing little kisses against your head as he wrapped his arms around you. 

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll always be here to wipe those tears away.” He thumbed a tear against your cheek before his hands suddenly grabbed at your waist, a squeal leaving your lips as he ruthlessly tickled you, giggles escaping you as he pushed you down against the bed, “There’s that pretty smile.” He cooed, that playful boxy grin of his on his face as you squirmed beneath him, tears pricking in your eyes at how hard you were laughing. 

Now your eyes were blurring out of sadness, funny how you took those moments for granted when you still had him. Your fingers traced the image of his face on your phone, it was a dumb selfie you had took one morning together when you were half asleep. 

What you’d give to be with him again, have him beside you in bed telling you to get off your phone while whining to hold you. You could almost picture him beside you, his hair in a multitude of colors but your favorite was always that stupid blueberry dye he had insisted was indigo. 

His hands would be cupping your face, your hand gently grabbing your cheek as you closed your eyes. He’d always thumb your bottom lip before letting his pads delicately trace up your cheekbone. Opening your eyes the bed was still empty, the hand on your face was not his, but your own. 

Tears began to pool in your eyes as you rolled onto your back, closing your eyes as you felt a wet tear roll down. Sniffling as you sat up, you couldn’t be here alone tonight. Not surrounded by everything, wearing his old hoodie he’d always give you when you were cold, surrounded by memories of what could have been. What was supposed to be. 

Fumbling you stood up, ignoring all the pictures framed of your smiling figure hugging the love of your life. Covering your mouth to keep yourself from sobbing, Jimin would have to be up early tomorrow and you didn’t want him to feel obligated to deal with you. Putting on your shoes you sniffled as you wiped your cheeks. 

How late was it? Two in the morning? Maybe even three, you could never truly sleep anymore, not when you weren’t in his arms, not when every moment you breathed the ache filled you. Your feet took you to the only place opened this late; the convenient store. During nights when you didn’t have to work the next day Taehyung loved taking you here when you had a stressful day. 

Always rambling about how nothing could cheer you up like a nice hot bowl of ramen. You couldn’t help but smile at the irony as the tears dripped down your cheeks. Wiping them as you entered the store. The cashier looked bored, headphones in and reading a magazine not even acknowledging your presence as you walked to where the ramen was held. 

What you didn’t expect to do was ram into what felt like a brick, “Ah!” You stumbled as the man quickly grabbed you by the arms to keep you steady, taking a moment to steady yourself you glanced up only to feel your lips part, “Namjoon?” 

“Y/n?” Namjoon hurriedly let you go, looking at you in somewhat disbelief as you flusteredly rubbed your eyes, realizing they were still wet with tears, “Are...are you okay?” He asked somewhat hesitantly as you turned away from him, tears flooding your eyes as your shoulders bobbed. 

“Y-yeah.” You sniffled, trying to keep your breathing under control, “I’m okay.” You forced it out as you covered your mouth. Rubbing your eyes once more as you hesitantly took a peep at him, his expression said it all. Truthfully, anyone who had seen you like this always gave you that same expression. Pity. His brows pressed together and lips parted but frowning slightly, “I’m fine!” You forced a smile as another tear trickled down your face, turning away from him again you let out a soft sob as you closed your eyes. 

“...Maybe we should get some ramen and sit down?” Namjoon offered while rubbing his neck, “I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?”

....

Glancing down at your cup of steaming warm ramen you sniffled, refusing to look up at the somewhat skittish man who seemed genuinely worried for you. 

‘Come on baby, eat up, it’ll make you feel better’

Tears already blurred your eyes again as you closed them, letting out a soft sob, lips trembling as you chopsticks shook, slurping on your noodles as you suppressed your cries. The warm broth making you realize how hungry you were as you swallowed. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Namjoon offered, his expression sad, unsure of how to help you or even if he could, but it seemed he wasn’t leaving anytime soon as he began eating his own noodles. 

You stayed silent as tears dripped down your face, clenching your cup with a death grasp as you forced the noodles into your mouth, closing your eyes as you savored them. Unable to even speak as you shook your head. You couldn’t talk about it...it was too soon. Even coming up on a year and it was still too soon. 

You felt pathetic living like this, you were crying in front of a stranger while eating cup noodles at a gas station at three in the morning. Where would you be if Taehyung was still here? At home, asleep in his arms. Closing your eyes you let the tears slide down your face as you surrendered to the hurt you had been drowning in the moment your life was turned upside down.

For the first time, you were grateful to have company, even if you didn’t speak a word to Namjoon he made one sided conversation, rambling about how he had stayed up too late studying for an exam and how he was hungry but didn’t have anything at his dorm. 

“I’ve been trying to keep my Bonsai tree alive but...gardening is kind of hard to learn,” Namjoon continued rambling on, confessing as he looked a little embarrassed, awkwardly leaning his seat as he mustered a weak smile while looking down at his cup. 

His voice was...soothing to listen to admittedly. Namjoon was oddly poetic in the most unexpected way, he told you he loved philosophy and going to the art museum in his free time. He seemed to be able to find anything to talk about even if you weren’t receptive, but oddly enough he didn’t seem bothered by it. 

You were curled up, your knees against your chest and hood burying your face as you listened to him intently, your eyes undoubtedly bloodshot but you had stopped crying a good ten minutes ago, sniffling as he sighed, “But from what I’ve read basically if it doesn’t vibe with the dirt it just dies.” 

The snort that escape you made his eyes shoot up to look at you, a giggle breaking out on your lips as you stared at your noodles which had become lukewarm, sniffling a little as a tiny smile tugged on your lips, shaking your head as you mumbled, “That’s not exactly how gardening works. You wanna make sure the soil is good quality and damp, dry soil kills plants fast when they transfer pots, you also need to make sure the roots aren’t overgrown when you transfer it to a bigger pot.” 

“Oh? I didn’t take you for a plant expert.” Namjoon quipped playfully, that pretty dimpled smile on his lips, obviously happy to get a not just a smile but also a laugh from you. 

You glanced at him for a moment, your lips quirking a little as you raised a brow, shaking your head as you smiled back at your cup again, “I consider myself a bit of dirt viber.” You couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped you as Namjoon joined in. After a moment you paused as you exhaled softly, your smile eventually melting off your face as you meekly glanced at your cup. 

“I should get home...work in the morning.” You mumbled as you glanced at your phone, it was already 3:30 in the morning and you needed to be up by seven...the latest if you didn’t want to be late again. 

Namjoon nodded understandingly, giving you one last smile when you left. Once again alone, yet for the first time in what felt like a long time, your mind lingered on those pretty dimples. 

“You look tired Noona.” You glared at Jungkook who was sucking on a lollipop, giving you a bratty smile as he tried to ruffle your hair only to earn a slap in return, a pout forming on his lip, “Did you think about what I asked?” 

Bless the little brats heart, Jungkook was genuinely trying to get you out there again but you had become a shell. You didn’t want to go to parties, you didn’t want to go to the park, you didn’t even want to get groceries anymore. You just wanted to lay in bed for a very long time. 

“I’m not interested in going out Jungkook.” You glanced at him tiredly, truthfully you had a good excuse, you were running on three hours of sleep and caffeine could only carry you so far for eight hours, rubbing your eyes you sighed as he whined with a groan. 

“You always say that!” Jungkook pouted, much to your surprise Yoongi had shown himself out from his cave as he pushed the door open, a fresh platter of sugar glazed pastries on rack as Jungkook huffed, “Just this once, please?” 

“Jungkook,” Yoongi warned as he glanced at the younger boy, taking a glance at you as he frowned, setting down the platter he picked up a pastry as he handed it to you. 

Glancing down at the fresh baked soft flaky treat you sighed, “Is this what’s my life come too?” Both boys glanced at you as you stared at the pastry, “Pity pastries and being dragged to parties?” 

You shoved the sweet treat into your mouth as you chomped down on the soft doughy material, the sweet crisp sugar glaze was crunchy against the soft warm dough of the pastry. “Well hey, if you don’t appreciate my pastries...” Yoongi tried to snatch the half eaten treat from you but you hurriedly shoved it into your mouth as you glared him down. 

The door suddenly jingled, catching all of your attention only to see the bright smile of only the most genuine and sweet person you had ever met, much to your surprise a more bashful person was being dragged behind him, “Hey Y/n! Kook, Yoongi!” Hoseok waved happily as he bounced up to the counter, Namjoon rubbing his neck as he gave you a somewhat sheepish smile before hurriedly looking at the menu. 

“Lemme get a caramel macchiato with a carrot cake bomb and...oh! Are those fresh sugar glazed pastries…!” Hoseok’s eyes practically sparkled as Yoongi cleared his throat, ears looking somewhat pink. 

“Fresh out of the oven…” He mumbled causing Jungkook to snort- as if he was any better around guys or girls for that matter. You found it all amusing as you already began working on the macchiato. 

“And Namjoon?” You turned to glance at him as he perked at the sound of his name, he glanced up at the menu as he hummed. 

“Could I try the mystic mountain tea? It sounds really good…Oh, with a chocolate stuffed croissant.” Namjoon answered as Jungkook rang them up, Hoseok’s attention was solely on Yoongi and you could tell he was excited by the way his voice became all fluttery. Yoongi rarely ever left the back room where all the baking was done. 

“It is,” Your back was turned from Namjoon as you spoke, “It’s made with mint, pine needles and chamomile but we use cane sugar with it to give it a nice sweet flavor. It’s one of my favorites.” You smiled as you turned to face him, setting down the macchiato as you grabbed another cup. Namjoon’s smile seemed automatic, his somewhat slouched figure before straightening and it seemed as if he didn’t even realize it. 

“Oh so you like gardening and tea?” He playfully quipped, rolling your eyes you turned to face the brewer again as you felt a smile tug on your lips, “You seem like a woman of many weird talents.” 

Pouring the hot water into the cup you set it down as you glanced over your shoulder, “Says the one that’s struggling to keep his Bonsai tree alive.” 

“Hey!” Namjoon’s brows pressed together and his dimples popped out making you laugh, “It’s not my fault it’s petty and sensitive to literally everything.” You waved a dismissive hand as you walked to the door to the back, intending to get the jar of tea leaves that somehow made their way back there, “Keep telling yourself that.”

Your figure disappeared as Jungkook tilted his head, a mischievous smile on his lips as he hummed, glancing between the door and Namjoon’s lopsided smile as he commented, “You know, that’s the first I think I’ve seen her smile in the past two months.” 

Namjoon glanced at him as he frowned, “What...do you mean?” He asked carefully, his thoughts going back to last night, your eyes bloodshot and tears staining your cheeks, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. But a part of him was worried at the way you seemed so melancholy. He could see it in your eyes with every interaction he had. They always seemed so sad. Namjoon was happy, grateful even though he had gotten a few glimpses at what your smile looked like happy, bright, beautiful even… 

Jungkook shrugged, not answering as you reappeared, opening the door with tea leave jar in hand as you scooped the leaves up into a metal steeper, “Alright this should be done in a few minutes.” Jungkook had meanwhile set out their pastries but it seemed like Hoseok had Yoongi trapped, his ears were pink and he looked ready to crawl back into his little hole once more. 

“So you’re coming tonight, right Yoongi?” Hoseok flashed a bright charming smile at the brooding male who shifted away from him, “It’ll be a lot of fun, Jungkook is going.” To which Jungkook enthusiastically nodded. 

“...I need to go check on my pastry puffs.” Yoongi mumbled, his cheeks bright pink as he hurried back into the kitchen as you snorted, an amused smile tugging on your lips as the doors rocked back and forth. 

Hoseok’s lips tugging into a pout as he sighed, “Do you think he hates me?” He shoved the pastry into his mouth as he glanced at his plate depressively. 

“Uh no, he’s just a panicked gay,” Jungkook clacked his tongue, “I wouldn’t take it personal. If I can’t get miss broody here to go I’ll make sure he does.” Jungkook wrapped an arm around you as you glared at him, making a cheeky smile tug on his lips. 

“You won’t go Y/n?” Hoseok shot you puppy eyes as you sighed. Hoseok was a regular at the cafe and chummy with just about everyone, if he was a sim character you just knew for a fact he’d be a friend to the world trait to a T. 

He had been coming here for the past month straight which made you wonder if Hoseok was the one who recommended Namjoon come here. 

You shook your head, offering a weak, tired smile as you shrugged, “Not my cup of tea. Speaking of.” You whirled around, pulling the steeper out of the cup before dropping in three sugar cubes before popping on the lid, “Here you go.” You handed it over to Namjoon who looked excited to try, something subtle yet innocent in his expression as he poked his straw through and gave it a sip. 

“You were right! No wonder it’s your favorite, it’s delicious.” Namjoon complimented, something about his sincere tone of voice, or maybe it was those stupid dimples of his. Whatever it was your lips tugged into a smile and yet, you felt...bashful? Lowering your gaze a little as you rubbed the back of your neck. 

“You should try the lavender dream next time if you really like tea, it’s another good one.” You offered meekly, suddenly feeling a little timid under his gaze as you fumbled with your apron. A sudden well of feelings dowsing you. Insecurity, guilt, shame. Why did you feel so bashful in front of Namjoon...how could you when...When Taehyung…

It felt like a stab in your heart as you inhaled sharply, “I-I should go check stock real quick for pastries.” You mumbled, leaving all three boys dumbfound. Entering the back you grabbed your head as you felt your hands tremble. 

Guilt

Guilt

Guilt 

Guilt 

How could you betray Taehyung like this?

You shouldn’t feel this way.

You don’t deserve to.

Taehyung would’ve never done this to you.

How could you do this to him?

Your heart was beating frantically as your hands trembled as tears began to trickle down your face, “Hey, hey, hey.” Yoongi’s voice felt far away as your breathing became quick, thoughts racing and your hands shaking. 

Unworthy

Unworthy

Unworthy

How dare you ever think about replacing Taehyung. 

“Yoongi said you had a panic attack.”

You felt like a child being scolded, wrapped in three different blankets and four pillows surrounding you while you sat on the couch in front of Jimin who frowned in disappointment. Of course he was disappointed. 

“It wasn’t that bad…” You mumbled, glancing down as you tugged the blanket around you further making Jimin sigh, sitting down next to you as he pulled you close.

“Why do you always lie?” He asked quietly as you curled against him, letting your head rest against his shoulder, the kdrama you both had been watching long forgotten. When you woke up you were home, comfortable and warm. And for a half a second, you thought maybe it was Taehyung who you were laying against. Much to your heartache it was Jimin when you opened your eyes.

You had been expecting this conversation for the past hour, and lo and behold, here you were, “It’s easier.” You mumbled, eyes beginning to blur as you scoffed a bitter smile, “I’m so pathetic, I can’t even face my own feelings. It’s just easier to keep it to myself.” 

Jimin’s grip tightened around you and even though you couldn't see him you knew he was frowning, “But that isn’t healthy Y/n, you know it just as well as I do. I worry about you, everyone does. You aren’t a burden to anyone. It hurts watching you go through this alone when we all want is to help.” 

And here it was the tears dripping down your cheeks as you shook your head, a weak sob escaping your lips as you mumbled, “If I talk about it, that means I have to accept he’s gone.” You choked out, “And I can’t do that Jimin. I can’t.” You sobbed as you glanced up at him, tears streaming down your face as you pleaded, “I can’t.” Almost a whole year and you were still in denial just as much as you were when you first got the phone call. 

You were still just as devastated as you sobbed into his shoulder, his arms wrapped tight around you as he stroked your hair. It seemed like everyone had moved on by now. Taehyung was just a name in the past. A ghost you couldn’t let go of. Jimin was the bridge between you both, he was the reason you had met Taehyung at all, this man was like a brother to him. But even the pain for him had lessened with time. 

“I miss him too Y/n. I do. But you’re going to have to let him go,” You rapidly shook your head, your breath becoming uneven as sobs escaped you, tears staining his shirt as he murmured gently, “Taehyung wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Tears couldn’t stop pouring from your eyes, you knew he was right. But you couldn’t let him go, not yet. Just a little longer. Just a little longer. 

Taehyung was a ghost and you were desperately clinging to every remnant you had left of him. This man was the love of your life, your soulmate, you needed him. You needed him. How were you supposed to move on with your life when you had to live with the knowledge of what could’ve been. Your body violently trembled as you drown yourself in tears next to Jimin who was always so strong. 

The only time you ever saw him lose it was when you bursted into the hallway in the hospital, his eyes were bloodshot and all it took was one exchanged look before a dam was released in his eyes. Maybe he had numbed himself to the pain, it was difficult to tell. Jimin let his nose bury into your hair as he inhaled softly, tenderly stroking your hair in the same way Taehyung always would in these moments. 

‘Baby, hey…Shhh…Come on don’t cry. What’s going on?” You shook your head rapidly as you tugged away from Taehyung’s grip, his hands keeping you in place and his face twisted into worry before he cupped your cheeks, “Sweetheart.” He pressed his forehead against yours. 

“i-I-It’s stupid…” You whimpered as you closed your eyes, shaking your head as he pressed a kiss against your nose encouragingly, sucking in a harsh breath you sobbed out, “I-I overheard your conversation with Hyuna.” 

Taehyung immediately frowned as he sighed softly, his thumbs soothingly rubbing your cheeks as he mumbled, “Baby don’t listen to her. She’s just a jealous old ex.” 

“She’s right.” You laughed bitterly as you refused to look at him, “I don’t deserve to be with somebody like you-”

“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice was stern, his hands making you look at him as he pressed his forehead back against yours as he mumbled, “Don’t you ever say that about yourself, okay? I love you Y/n, you’re my girl okay? I would never take anyone else over you.” You closed your eyes as your lips trembled, his lips soothingly pressing against yours as his thumbs stroked your cheekbones. 

It was a gentle kiss, your favorite as you complied, chasing his lips as he tried to pull back, making him chuckle against your mouth as he pressed multiple little kisses on your lips before breaking away making you whine with a sniffle, “Come on baby, let’s go get you some noodles, I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.” He gave you a warm smile as he brushed your tears away. 

Smiling you giggled a little as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tight as you mumbled, “What would I ever do without you?”

“Crash and burn probably.” Taehyung joked with that adorable boxy smile of his as you smacked his arm, leaning on your tiptoes as you puckered your lips. Tutting he leaned down pressing one more chaste kiss on your lips.

Crash and burn, you wanted to laugh, he wasn’t wrong. He never was. 

Jimin had eventually gotten you to calm down, a cup of hot chocolate in your hands and your legs over his lap, still curled close, but enough away to keep your grip on your warm drink, “How has work been, hm?” Jimin asked, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face as you sighed. 

Shrugging a little you sipped the sweet liquid as you mumbled, “Same as always. Met one of Hoseok’s friends recently, he seems...interesting.” You rubbed your forehead, trying not to think about what happened earlier that day. 

“Oh? Well it’s good you’re making new friends. Maybe he’ll be good for you.” Jimin smiled, patting your head as you tried to swat it, “Friends always come into your life when you need them the most.” 

You didn’t comment on that, choosing to drink your hot chocolate as you glanced at the TV. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. You didn’t know, but you needed to be careful around Namjoon. If anything you knew that as sure as day.

You kept mainly in your thoughts the rest of the evening but Jimin kept you company the whole time, stroking your hair calmly while watching kdramas together. For the first time, you fell asleep easier tonight then you had in the last eight months.

——

You sharply inhaled as you clenched your fists, you were going to do this…! You could do this. You glanced up at the art museum in determination before stepping up the stone stairs towards the entrance doors. It was crowded today and usually you liked shying away from large crowds. But he never cared, always tugging you along with encouragement and laughter, somehow, he always made it so much fun.

Today a Degas exhibit was in town, the one Taehyung had been so excited about seeing, you still vividly remembered his bouncing figure as he shoved the flyer in your face. Your hands trembled as you opened the door. You wanted to see it today, for him. Clutching the Polaroid camera in hand tightly as your fingers traced against its smooth surface. He loved using this damn thing every chance he got.

He’d take at least a dozen photos of all the art pieces, even going as far as to shove the camera in your hands to pose in that dumb artsy way he always did. You felt the distinct smile tug on your lips imaging that brown burette on his head and those dark raven locks. Boxy smile reflecting back at you as he grabbed your hand tugging you along while spouting off random knowledge about whatever you were looking at. 

You paused for a second, looking beside you as you felt a well in your throat at the sight of the crowd instead of your someone beside you. Closing your eyes you swallowed thickly as you forced yourself to breathe, trying to compose yourself.

With determination you walked up to the counter, purchasing a ticket to the exhibit before making your way down the massive lobby, artwork displayed on either sides of the walls and your shoes echoing against the smooth glossy floor. The exhibit was packed as expected but you stopped at each painting, letting your eyes draw over the dreamy muted yet colorful painting. 

The Dancer On Pointe was the one Taehyung was looking forward to the most. Ignoring the ‘No Pictures’ sign you lifted up the polaroid camera, clicking it as the photo began to develop. Giving the photo a wave you smiled as you glanced at it. This was perfect. 

Putting the camera and photo into your bag you made your way through the exhibit.

You looked at every painting intensively, hoping maybe the lense of your old lover would bless your vision and you’d be able to see it in the way he once showed you every single time. But to no avail, paintings were just paint, colors were just pigment. The magic was no longer there. Sighing you turned away from the paintings displayed beautifully, intending to leave before you smacked into someone, “Ah!” 

“Oh I’m sorry!” The voice which had become all too familiar grabbed ahold of you to steady you as you glanced up to meet the eyes of Kim Namjoon, round specs  between you and his gaze as he pushed them up against his nose, lips parting before twisting into a brilliant smile, “Y/n! Sorry I didn’t see you there!” 

“O-oh...Hey.” You stepped away from him awkwardly, your gaze lowering as you tugged on a strand of hair, your heart beating faster but you could hardly tell if it was from anxiety or something else. You had been…you didn’t want to say you had been avoiding Namjoon but, he made you feel weird. In a way you weren’t sure you liked and you couldn’t even fully describe it. 

“I didn’t know you liked going to the art museum! It’s nice seeing you here, I’ve missed you at work-” Namjoon suddenly coughed, immediately glancing away as he fumbled, “Not-uh- not miss, miss you but...you know…” He looked awkward and his eyes widened as he refused to look at you as if you’d turn him to stone if he did. 

You snorted, unable to keep the smile off your face as you replied lowly, “No I get it, just bad timing,” Or you purposely scrambled into the back leaving Jungkook on his own everytime you caught sight of Namjoon opening the cafe door, “But uh, I’m...not actually a fan of going here.” You shrugged as you glanced down at your feet. 

“Oh?” He tilted his head in curiosity, “Then...can I ask why you’re here? Or did you just wanna bump into me?” There was something...light -playful- in Namjoon’s voice as he flashed those dimples at you. 

You kept your expression reserved this time making his smile dim a little as you glanced back at the painting, “I just came...for someone who couldn’t…” Your expression casted more gloomy this time as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking back at Namjoon who seemed somewhat confused at your cryptic words, “I’ve never been a big art person.” You offered a weak smile. 

“Well,” Namjoon hummed, giving you a small smile in return, “I hope that someone was able to enjoy your visit for them.” Your heart clenched as you glanced at his shoes, timberlands that blurred in your vision as you gave a bittersweet smile. 

“Yeah…” You nodded as you glanced up at Namjoon, a frown immediately on his face at your glassy eyes and sad smile as you nodded, “He did.” You hadn’t even said his name and yet sadness had swept through your whole body like an ache you’d never cure. The longing you had for your soulmate who was gone, who you’d never wake up beside, who would never hold your hand again, who’s smile you’d never see as he pointed out all of his favorite paintings. 

But Taehyung would be proud of you, wouldn’t he? Perhaps, if there was an afterlife, he would be an angel that was smiling while looking down upon you. 

“Y/n…” You felt your lurch in your throat, as if it felt physically difficult to speak as Namjoon called your name softly, tufts of warm brown hair falling against his eyebrows as he asked with sincerity, “Do you wanna get lunch together? I know a great artisan cafe nearby.” 

It was silent between you both for what felt like an eternity in nothing but a short second as you glanced back at the painting, and for a brief moment your eyes caught onto a sight of raven shaggy hair and an oversized brown cardigan. It looked all too familiar and your heart fluttered for just a brief moment until he turned around, not the face of your lover, but a stranger who embraced his girlfriend with a laugh. 

Sighing, you turned to face Namjoon as you offered a weak smile, “No thank you, I actually have somewhere I’m supposed to be.” You couldn’t bear to look at him any longer, rather you chose to step aside and brush past him, feeling a melancholy gaze against your back but you refused to turn around. 

Not when your heart ached and you felt so tired. 

Stopping by the quaint little flowershop you had picked out a small bouquet of tiger lilies, his favorite, he used to love decorating the apartment to the brim with them, walking out of the shop you took a shaky breath of the cool air. 

The evening sky was brilliant, Taehyung often remarked it was like God personally painted the sky every evening, always different from the previous day but just as beautiful in it’s own right. Your feet felt heavy on the pavement as you sighed, stopping at the arched gateway, glancing to your right where the sunset was shielded by the silhouettes of willow tree’s that gently swayed in a slow dance with the wind. 

Stepping through you weave your way around the grassy corridors of walkways before you were near the middle of the cemetery, pausing in front of the gravestone where wilted flowers laid and dirt from the lawn mower had sputtered up against. 

Kneeling down you gently wiped off the stone as your fingers gently traced the name of your lover, “I went to the art museum today,” Your eyes were already blurry as you smiled endearingly at Taehyung’s name printed on the stone, setting down the blossom of tiger lilies as you crossed your legs, “To go see that Degas exhibit we had made plans to see last Autumn. Ha…” You let out a short laugh as tears trickled down your face, “Do you remember when we got the catalogue in the mail? You knocked over your mug of coffee and it stained over half the pages,” You tried to keep your voice steady as a sob escaped you, rubbing your eyes as you gave a broken laugh, “You freaked out about it  because it was hard to make out the dates but I told you to calm down and looked up the dates on the website.” 

You wiped your face with your arms as you opened your bag up, grabbing the polaroid as more tears immediately dripped down your cheeks, “Here! Don’t you like it?” You asked as you set down the photo with the flowers, smiling despite the tears that welled in your eyes, “I know it’s your favorite, you wouldn’t stop gushing about it when you first saw the exhibit advertisement.” 

It was quiet for a moment as you lowered your gaze, a whimper escaping you at the expected silence, tears dripping down your chin and splattering onto your hand as you sobbed, “Please come back.” 

Your breath was trembling and desperate as you grabbed the gravestone, pressing your forehead against it as you tried to vividly imagine it was your lovers warm skin as your tears dampened the stone, “Please come back to me Taehyung. Don’t leave me alone. Please.” 

Alone, you cried in the cemetery where your lover would permanently stay asleep.

“Just think about it Noona!” Jungkook whined as he grabbed your arm making you sigh as you turned to face him, “It’s a camping trip! We’ll be in nature, maybe you’ll feel better! I get worried about you sometimes.” 

That wasn’t fair! 

You crossed your arms as you sighed again, looking away from him as you felt guilty, not wanting to worry anyone but, you just needed time to yourself. You didn’t know when it would go away, if ever, but you just wanted to be by yourself. Alone were you could mourn in peace, where your heart could ache and tears could fill your eyes with zero shame. 

Everyday that you spent ever since had become more and more painful. The ache became that much harder to deal, “Jungkook...you know I don’t like camping…” You mumbled as you turned away from him, rearranging some of the tea canisters to look busy. 

“But you love gardening!” Jungkook whined again, fluttering beside you with those sweet doe eyes of his that always seemed to get you. 

“There’ll be a log cabin,” Yoongi added as he appeared from the kitchen, setting down a fresh platter of bakery goods, “So it really isn’t camping, unless you’re gonna be Jungkook and set up a tent anyways.”

Jungkook flailed his hands as he glared at his elder, “What’s the point in calling it a camping trip if we aren’t going to camp?” Always the stubborn and hardheaded person he was, Jungkook insisted on his words as he crossed his arms with that pouty expression of his. 

“Nobody called it a camping trip except you.” Yoongi turned to face him deadpan, Jungkook’s lips parted several times before defeatingly closing them as Yoongi snorted, “Yeah, exactly. Anyways, you should go. Shop is going to be closed anyways since Bang is going out of town to visit his parents. Unless you really wanna sulk in your apartment all week…” He shrugged as you sharply inhaled. 

“I’ll think about it…” Jungkook immediately jumped, wrapping his arms around you as he smushed you against him making you squirm, “Thank you Noona! You’ll camp with me right?” He bounced in excitement as you pushed him away from you. Jungkook always had a lack of boundaries especially when he got excited. 

“No.” You replied promptly as you turned around making him cross his arms with a humph, “Be happy I’m at least considering, you ungrateful brat.” To which Jungkook smiled cheekily. Sighing you leaned against the counter top with a hum. Maybe this would be good for you. You knew if Taehyung was here he’d be thrilled to go, immediately begging you to go with him and even saying he refused to go without you. You could never deprive him of something he loved and enjoyed. 

Maybe...just maybe…

The doors just as always at twelve thirty rang as you all glanced up to see the embodiment of the sun wave and his moon beside him who was always more reserved, “Hey! You guys are going on the trip up to the cabin right?” Hoseok bounced up to the register as he set his hands up on it and leaned forward. 

“Yes and we’re camping!” Jungkook wrapped an arm around your neck, squeezing it causing you to gag as you jammed your elbow into his stomach causing him to grunt before whining. 

“No we are not!” You whipped around as you glared at him, your lips tugging into a pout of your own as you glared at the younger boy who stubbornly crossed his arms once more. 

“Oh you’re going Y/n?” Hoseok clapped his hands in excitement as you glanced at the two men, instinctively lowering your gaze a little when you felt Namjoon’s eyes on you. They seemed sadder than normal. 

Which wasn’t normal at all. Namjoon was- he always smiled, so why didn’t he today when your eyes met his? 

“I might,” You admitted reluctantly, “I need to think it over.” Was he still thinking about your rejection at the art museum? Or your cryptic and weird words? Did he assume you were just a sad freak. A part of you desperately wondered why you didn’t see those sweet dimples today. 

“Well don’t take too long,” Hoseok winked playfully as he grinned brightly, “We’re leaving Friday and we sure could use the company. Right Namjoon?” He elbowed the quiet man a little causing him to jolt before harshly glaring at Hoseok who seemed like a little boy who had a secret he was dying to tell. 

Namjoon glanced back at you as he mustered a weak smile, but you could see in his eyes they weren’t glowing like they were before, “Of course we’d like you to come. But don’t feel pressured.” You nodded as you glanced back at the counter top. Unable to bear his gaze anymore. Trying not to overthink why he seemed so melancholy today. 

Or perhaps he was always like this and your head had just played tricks on you? No...No you could remember Namjoon’s smile as clear as day, it was bright and lovely, his eyes glowed not like the sun- not burning and harsh- but like the moon, soft and almost nostalgic as if he lived every moment of his life with gratitude and peace. 

So what happened? The only thing you could recall was what had previously happened. But surely he wasn’t upset about that? After all, he shouldn’t want to deal with a heartbroken girl who only knew how to cry. 

Unless....No…”Well I better go get more chocolate bombs for the holder.” You mumbled as you turned around, pushing the door to the back open as you shoved your thoughts to the back of your head. You wouldn’t let your mind go there.

----

You couldn’t help but feel like this was a mistake, no matter how crisp and fresh the air was, the lake view was gorgeous and reflection off the water made it look like diamonds trickled against its surface. The car ride was over four hours and you were grateful to be on your feet with all the greenery. 

You were definitely tired, not used to being around people so long outside of work after the past year. Feeling semi lethargic you let out a yawn as you rubbed your eyes, “Aren’t you excited Noona?” Jungkook curled his fists, his nose scrunched up like a bunny as he grinned like a child, “I told you it would be pretty here!”

You were tired, definitely, but you mustered a smile, a small one as you replied, “Yeah...it is.” You glanced back out over the lake before fixing your bag over your shoulder. Like Jungkook said, this would be good for you...hopefully...The cabin was fairly big and everyone, even you helped pitched in the rent for it for the next two days. Jimin was excited for you, telling you to try and enjoy yourself and if all else failed he’d come and pick you up. 

You would certainly try your best to not let that happen though, of course Jimin would be willing to drive eight hours for you on a work day. Everyone was still outside, you could hear shouts and laughter, water splashing as you stepped inside the cabin. 

It was warm and cozy, buried in neutrals and warm colors, blankets piled on the couch that sat in front of the fireplace. Walking around you examined each room before smiling a little, choosing the one that had a lake view, Taehyung would certainly love it. Pulling the polaroid camera out of your bag you lifted it up before taking a photo of the window. You’d make sure to bring it to show him when you came back home. 

“I didn’t take you for polaroids.” 

You jumped as your gaze snapped to the person who seemed to become all too familiar with you the past month now. Pulling the photograph out of the dispenser you gave it a little wave as silence sat between you both, “I’m not.” You mumbled as you carefully set the camera back in your bag, your thumbs edging the sharp stiff ends of the photo. 

“Y/n,” You didn’t look up at him despite his voice sounding soft, feet gently padding against the floor and he was surely right behind you now, Namjoon’s voice soft, maybe even a little sad as he murmured, “Why do you always seem so sad when I ask?”

Letting your fingers trace against the photocard you let a small melancholy smile tug on your lips, “Because,” Your eyes blurred a little and your throat felt tight as you mumbled, “These things I do, going to art museums, taking polaroids, I do them because,” You turned to face Namjoon as a tear slid down your cheek, “He loved it. Even if I never did. I do it for him..” 

Namjoon’s expression had hardened a little, he seemed lost, maybe even angry, maybe he was tired of constantly seeing tears in your eyes, he bowed his head a little, eyes seeming somewhat broody as he muttered, “I see…I’ll leave you to it, I guess…” 

You weren’t sure why your heart clenched at the way his face seemed so forlorn, broody as he turned on his heels. Your throat squeezing and his name never reached your lips like you instinctively wanted too. 

You thought that, maybe when he left you’d feel better, more at peace. But that broody expression haunted you as you sat up in the window seal loft, letting your knee’s curl against your chest as a dull ache came from your heart. 

This ache was different, it wasn’t like the one you had anytime you thought of your soulmate. This was...different. New. Like something was wilted but still had a chance. Your chest felt heavy and your mind was telling you to go after Namjoon, to get him to smile and clear up whatever misunderstanding there was. You didn’t understand either, truthfully, what did you say to make him look like that? 

You had opened yourself up and told him a little and he...he acted gloomy, as if life was sucked from his body. You didn’t understand but...but you’d like too...Watching everyone splash and muffled screams from the window you let your head press against the glass as you sighed. Closing your eyes, even in the crowdest places you always felt so lonely. 

-----

 It was a full moon out tonight, glossy and incandescent to anything you had ever seen. Oftentimes when you felt lonely Taehyung used to always tell you, ‘Just look at the moon whenever you feel lonely. Someone at that exact moment is looking at it as well. You’re never truly alone’

It always made you feel better, even now. Someone was probably looking at this same moon as you right now and you couldn’t help but wonder. What were they thinking? Was there a reason they were admiring such a beautiful sight as the sky? Carefully you slipped on your shoes, curling the cardigan around your body as you opened the main door of the cabin before walking outside. 

Grassing brushing softly against your feet and crickets cooed with the rustle of trees and cool air, it was a little humid out but not hot enough to make you want to shed your cozy layer. Walking down the path you glanced up at the sky were the stars speckled across the deep midnight blue horizon. 

You paused on your walk when you noticed a little wooden bridge, it wasn’t the cute sight itself but the person who stood on it, “Namjoon?” You called out softly to the man who was leaning over the railing, observing the moon that sat in the painted sky. He jolted before whipping around as you approached slowly. 

“Y/n…?” He seemed surprised, of course he was, it was only two in the morning after all. You were supposed to be the only one out here right here, trying to clear your head, let go of what your heart didn’t want too. 

Wrapping your arms around yourself you stepped onto the bridge as you murmured softly, “May I join you?” It was hard making out his facial expressions in the moonlight, but you thought maybe you saw hesitation on his face for a brief moment. 

“Of course,” Even in the dark you could spot those pretty dimples, leaning back against the railing he hummed, “You’re always a pleasant company to have.” For some reason, his words took you off guard. They seemed...sincere, yet, distant perhaps? They seemed odd given the last time you had spoken. 

You let your arms rest against the railing beside him, crickets sounding and the water gently lapped, even in the dark though the moonlight reflected against the water making it sparkle with assorted gems. It was quiet between you both yet the pressure in your chest swelled, the sudden need to apologize for earlier today. You weren’t sure why it felt imperative to do so. Or as if it was even necessary. 

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong earlier-” “I’m sorry about what I said earlier-” 

It seemed you were not the only one to have an apology on your mind. Both you and Namjoon had bursted at the same time before pausing, tripping over one anothers words before you stopped altogether. Glancing at him briefly before you both began to laugh softly. 

“I’m sorry- uh you can go first!” You squeaked, glancing away from him as you looked back out over the water, letting your body lean against the old wooden grooves that scraped lightly against your skin. 

Namjoon was silent for a moment before he replied, somewhat quiet, maybe even shy? “Well…” He drawled, “I just...wanted to apologize about earlier. My words were unnecessary and I shouldn’t have asked you such a personal question. You have every right to feel the way you do and it wasn’t my place to ask something like that.” 

It was silent for another moment before you let your eyes flit to Namjoon’s figure, you could make out the silhouette of his face which seemed almost forlorn, in deep thought as he looked out over the moon, “Oh…” You mumbled, as you glanced back at your hands, fingers tracing the dry harsh groove of the wooden railing, “Well...I just wanted to say I’m sorry for…” You paused for a moment, what were you apologising for? “...being me I guess.” 

You didn’t mean for it to sound depressing, but you supposed it was the truth, you felt like you had become nothing but a shell of a person since what had happened. Like you had become closed off, difficult to get to know, moody, temperamental. It was no wonder Namjoon was so fed up with your constant switch in behavior, “I know I’m...me...but...thank you for tolerating it. It’s nice having someone outside of my friends to talk to.” 

“Don’t apologize for that.” Your gaze jumped to Namjoon, a little startled at how stern his voice was, you couldn’t necessarily see him but you could feel his sharp, judgmental gaze on your figure, “I’m sure you have your reasons. And truthfully, like I said. I just… had clouded judgment,” Namjoon murmured cryptically, “I let my emotions get in the way when I talked to you earlier today. I’m more than happy to be your friend Y/n! You aren’t a burden or something I’m just tolerating, I talk to you because I like you.” 

You felt better but....something still felt withered inside you...you mustered a smile as you shrugged, “I guess so...I know I’m not always responsive sometimes...but...if we’re okay then let’s not talk about what happened anymore! What are you doing out here so late?” You didn’t want to dwell on what happened, it made you feel icky and gross inside even after clearing things up with Namjoon, you still didn’t understand why it wouldn’t go away. 

Namjoon laughed a little as he shrugged, “To think, I’ve always been a bit of a moon child honestly. Looking up at the sky always helps me clear my head. I should be asking you what you’re doing out this late.”

You rubbed the back of your neck bashfully as you shrugged, “I couldn’t sleep tonight, I like going out on walks, get out of my room, my head.” You glanced down at the rippling water, a frown on your face as you held in a sigh. Truthfully, you couldn’t sleep because Namjoon’s expression kept playing in your head. The way he seemed so distant and cold earlier, it bothered you to no end yet you didn’t understand why.

So you came out here to look at the moon in the open, feel the warm air on your skin and maybe you’d find whatever you were looking for. It seemed, what you had been looking for was Namjoon, and of course there he was, on this bridge. You didn’t know what this meant or what to take away from it. But you were happy you found him regardless.

“I can understand that,” Namjoon chuckled softly, his expression soft as he glanced up at the night sky, gaze still somewhat muted compared to before but...it still seemed sad, maybe the kind of sad where you just accept a situation for what it was, “Well, at least the moon brought us together.” 

His gaze met yours as you mirrored his smile, a little bashful as you rubbed your cheek, looking out over the rippling water as you mumbled, “I guess it did…” Letting your chin rest against your arms as you stretched out your back. There was something… oddly comforting about Namjoon’s presence? You weren’t sure, but you liked it…

You really liked it.

“Have you ever considered that Plato was just on drugs the whole time he was writing?” You slurped on your noodles as you glanced up to meet Namjoon’s exasperated expression making you smile as you snorted. 

“Dualism?” 

“Drugs. Who the fuck thinks about the mind and body being seperated in like 11 AD?” You snorted again as Namjoon groaned, sinking into his seat. He had been trying to talk about his latest readings to you and you had been...not making fun of it! Just...making the conversation interesting, “No seriously, didn’t they burn women back then for just knowing how to read? It just seems so...primitive for philosophy to be introduced so early in time with all things considering back then….”

Namjoon rubbed his face as he sighed, unable to resist the smile that tugged on his lips as he clacked his tongue, “Alright fair enough, what do you suggest we talk about then if you refuse to talk philosophy.” 

You puckered your lips, holding your chopsticks animately as you replied, “We could talk about how corrupt the patriarchy was throughout time and how men used religion as a way to justify the oppression of women and slavery?” 

You snorted at the way Namjoon, for the first time in your friendship seemed speechless, perhaps impressed, or simply just stunned before he sighed with a shrug, “Alright fine, but first of all some women actually did have some say in different cultures. But it had a lot more to do with classism then gender. Take a look at the Spartans as examples.” 

You held up a finger as you replied, “Except the only reason women received burials was because they gave birth to Spartans? I mean A for effort I guess,” You rolled your eyes, “But that doesn’t change the fact that women were only honored for giving birth to men, still seems like a convoluted way of saying women weren’t worth even burials unless they were of some use to men.” 

Namjoon hummed as he rubbed his chin, “Fair point, really I think because-” 

“Well look who it is!”

Both you and Namjoon jumped at the sound of a chipper loud voice, your lips twisted into a mild frown at the sight of Jungkook and Hoseok’s shit eating grins, without invitation immediately plopping down in the booth, Jungkook sitting beside you and Hoseok mirroring him, “So what are you two doing on this fine day?” 

There was something in Jungkook’s tone that made you shift awkwardly, why did he sound like you both were up to something when you weren’t, rubbing the back of your neck you mumbled, somewhat reluctantly, “Well we were just having lunch…?” 

“Oh, you mean like-” Hoseok suddenly grunted in pain, Namjoon harshly elbowing him as he cut his eyes at his best friend. You glanced between the both of them, it seemed like they were having a conversation by only facial expressions before Namjoon spoke up, “We were just talking about the oppression of women through history. Thoughts?” 

Both Hoseok and Jungkook wrinkled their noses, never ones to get involved in these kinds of discussions no matter how true they may be. Rather than talk about that, it seemed they had come over to, what? Stir the pot?

“Nah,” Jungkook attempted to wrap an arm around your neck as you shoved him away, a grin on his face as he hummed, “I just haven’t seen Noona getting out as of late, it’s good to see you both together.” Now you were feeling weird. Rubbing the back of your neck you looked away from all of them, well aware of your expression becoming flatter by the moment. 

Namjoon was beginning to look apprehensive as well as he coughed, “Uh, well, we were just eating…?” He seemed somewhat sheepish and even if it was unsaid you could tell he was trying to make it clear this wasn’t a date...Right? You had paused mentally for a moment, but...this did kind of seem like a date…

No, friends could hang out! You nodded to yourself silently, Namjoon was a friend and you needed friends, and in order to make friends you had to hang out! And even so, it wasn’t like Namjoon was interested in you and...you...you....a lump in your throat formed as you pucker your lips on your cup. No you weren’t gonna go there. 

“Right…!” Hoseok gave a bright yet odd smile as him and Jungkook shared a laugh, as if they knew something you didn’t, “Well, we’ll just ah...let you two get back to it.” He winked as Jungkook wiggled a brow at you before they both got up. 

You felt confusion wash over you as you watched them both walk away, frowning a little as you sank back in your seat, “That was weird.” Were the first words that tumbled out of your lips. On one hand you wanted to ask why they were acting like that but...wasn’t it obvious…? 

Namjoon offered a weak smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah…” His reply was hardly a murmur though as he looked down at his pork bulgogi looking not nearly as hungry as he proclaimed he was twenty minutes ago. 

The rest of your lunch had become...stale...no matter how hard you or Namjoon tried the air of what had happened with Hoseok and Jungkook lingered and continued to pester the back of your head. What were they trying to insinuate? That it was a date? Because it wasn’t…! You weren’t…! You could feel frustration tug inside your subconscious but you didn’t understand why. 

Namjoon and you were currently walking on the sidewalk, namely back to your apartment which just so happened to be on the same path as one of Namjoon’s acqtuance’s house where he had promised he would help them study. The weather was nice today, the wind was blowing a cool breeze and the sun was warm on your skin. On harder days you often tried to sunbathe, to soak in it’s rays and feel it’s warmth. You had read somewhere that if you soaked up enough warmth that it would manifest into positivity.

Or maybe that was just something you made up to make yourself feel better? On dimmer days you like grounding yourself in your five senses, even if they seemed dull and void. Today was not a bad day though. Not for the weather and neither for you. In fact, it was perfect. The air was fresh and you could smell the lavender bushes on the sidewalk that had been planted waft with each blow of breeze. 

“I’m really sorry for what happened.” You opened your eyes as you paused, looking at Namjoon who walked beside you, his cheeks looked a little red and he wouldn’t meet your gaze as you tilted your head, unsure of what there was to be sorry for. His gaze flicked to yours, seeing your confusion before immediately following up, “About Hoseok and Jungkook...ah…” He gave a somewhat weak smile as he looked away, hesitation in his eyes, “It feels like they made things weird…”

“No..!” You immediately shook your head, not wanting to make him feel worse by admitting they really did make you feel odd, but you were positive that was your own self projection, after all you had that tendency with Namjoon since you first met… “It’s fine, you don’t need to apologize.” You offered a soft smile as you began to walk again, Namjoon following along said to you as you continued, “It was weird yeah, but, I mean we’re still friends so…” Pausing in front of the entrance of your apartment complex you shrugged as you smiled, “Don’t worry about it! They’re just being dumb. Anyways, i’ll see you later.” 

You offered one last smile before heading into your apartment, Namjoon deflating somewhat as he sighed, watching you walk away once again as he rubbed the back of his neck, kicking a small pebble that had surfaced from the pebble surface of the resident sign, “Yeah...friends…” 

Namjoon decided to not linger on your words, the more he thought about it the more it stung and he didn’t want to act like a kicked puppy, you didn’t owe him anything other then your friendship he just...He sighed as he began walking to his friends home, surely he’d give good advice. After all, Seokjin was highly popular with women. 

After arriving at his apartment Namjoon hadn’t intended on letting out as much as he did, but it was admittedly nice to unload all of his feelings without feeling obligated to hold back, if he told his best friend he knew Hoseok would only make things worse despite having good intentions. 

“So,” Seokjin plopped the sucker into his mouth, leaning back on the bed as his eyes glazed over the textbook, “You what…? Wanna bang her? What’s the deal?” 

“No!” Namjoon immediately objected before groaning as he sank back in his seat, unsure of how to explain, “I don’t just want to sleep with her…” He muttered, “I just...want to get to know her. But it feels like there's this…” He waved his hand around, “Invisible wall, like she doesn’t want me to get to know her. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make her like this though…” He paused a moment, evaluating all of his past actions. Namjoon was positive he was a nice guy, you owed him nothing but, he had hoped maybe at least his behavior would explain why you were like this yet...He genuinely couldn’t think of anything. 

Well except maybe back last month at the cabin when he had gotten cold, the memory made him wince but...you had been even worse before then...So what was it…? Namjoon felt helpless as he glanced at his elder who shrugged loosely, pulling the sucker from his mouth as he replied, “Maybe it’s just her Namjoon. Regardless she doesn’t sound interested so you shouldn’t get your hopes up.” 

Namjoon paused, could it just be you…? He never actually thought about it before, always assuming he was the problem. Not that you were the problem but, “I just wish things weren’t so easy to become awkward between us.” He sighed as he flipped the page of his book. 

Seokjin eyed him curiously as he hummed, “Well what do you mean? Awkward how?” Seokjin didn’t consider himself a playboy like many would dub him but he had definitely gotten around enough to at least get an idea of how women worked emotionally, when to pursue and when to back off. 

Namjoon shrugged as he replied, “It’s just...weird...I can tell she starts overthinking and questioning. Like it’s difficult for her to even go out for just lunch with me. Awkward like, just the idea of being on a date with me makes her wanna bail...that kind of awkward…” He slumped in his seat, “Am I really that unlikeable?” 

Seokjin snorted, curving a brow at his friend who looked rather pathetic at the moment, “I think,” Tapping his lip Seokjin hummed, “She has some stuff she’s sorting out, and it’s not you. It’s just her, I’m sure if you asked her that, she’d say the same. If you haven’t been an ass to her in any way shape or form, it sounds like she’s just working through some stuff. Sucks but hey, you won’t know if you don’t ask…” 

Namjoon groaned, he knew Seokjin was right, if he’d just got the balls and asked you he was positive you’d give him an answer...well- doubt filled his mind, “I think her last boyfriend left her, or...maybe he hurt her? I don’t know.”

This perked Seokjin’s attention, straightening a little as he curved a brow, “Oh?” 

Rubbing his neck he shrugged as he weakly replied, “Yeah, she mentions some guy sometimes, whenever I ask about the things she does which she doesn’t enjoy. Like that polaroid she carries around, or she sometimes goes out to museums. I don’t know.” Jealousy oozed despite Namjoon knowing he had no right to feel jealous. 

Just the idea of someone hurting you deeply upset and angered him though, especially if it was to the point of you closing your heart to anyone else, Seokjin pressed his lips together, “Huh...that is kind of weird. Well…” Seokjin rose a brow as he emphasised his words while glaring Namjoon down, “Guess you’ll never know if you don’t ask.” Namjoon could only muster a groan. Asking you had to be the worst idea ever. 

----

“Come on! Noona it’ll be a fun way for you to get out!” You sighed in exasperation, looking away from Jungkook’s big puppy eyes that were just begging you to go with him, it was already hard enough to get yourself out of bed by noon today just to meet up with him for lunch let alone going to a party tonight. 

“Jungkook,” You pressed your lips together, trying to look at him only for him to whine as he shifted in his seat, the food court in the mall was packed today with life and energy, you had promised Jungkook you’d help him shop for more dressy clothes today as he was...attempting to pursue someone. Whoever that may be as he was too shy to say, “You know I’m not into parties…” 

“Just this once!” Jungkook begged as he laced his fingers together, sitting up in his seat with his lips jutted into a pitiful pout, “I’ll stay with you the whole time Noona! I think it’ll be fun! And if it isn’t we can go home the moment you say and- and I’ll buy you some kimbap and we can watch a movie of your choice!” 

He drove a hard bargain, you sighed as you sunk into your seat, crossing your arms in thought, you supposed...there couldn’t be any harm in going…? You pressed your lips together as you closed your eyes briefly, just thinking about this made you exhausted but you knew Jimin would be ecstatic if you had went out tonight, he had been encouraging you to get out more and….”Okay let’s say, I went to this party...who would be there?” 

Jungkook’s lips parted in excitement as you cut him off, “That I know.” 

His lips immediately snapped shut once more, as his eyes dropped to the table somewhat sheepishly, “Look, Noona...Think of it like this, it’s a great opportunity to meet new people! Hoseok and Namjoon will be there! You know them! And they know people you could meet too! I’ll be there for what it’s worse…” He gave a bright bunny smile as you looked away from him, “Hey! Don’t give me that look!” He cried out with another pout on his face. 

Taehyung and you both never enjoyed parties, he was a social butterfly sure but he always said he hated the taste of alcohol and besides, what was the point in going out when he could just stay in with you. It felt like a bitter prick against your heart at the bitter reminder. Right, you were gonna stay in tonight, maybe cry in the shower, wear that set of pajamas that used to match with his while watching a stupid romcom he loved. 

“Woah, woah, woah! Hey Y/n.” 

You closed your eyes as you put your hands on your face trying to cover the tears that rolled down your cheeks, “Sorry.” You sniffed as you felt both shame and embarrassment coil inside your body, all this time and you can hardly even think about him without crying still. It’s no wonder Jungkook probably doesn’t want to hang out with you. 

“Noona!” Jungkook cried out, “You have nothing to apologize for, look,” He fumbled somewhat frantically as he gathered up the trash of your left over food, “You don’t have to go, it was just a suggestion! I don’t want you to be sad though so let’s go over to the Gap and I want your opinion on these two shirts okay?” 

You sniffled as you rubbed your watery eyes, a snort escaping you as you replied, “The Gap has ugly clothing Jungkook.” To which he gasped in offense as you stood up with him. 

“First of all don’t judge until you see, second of all you have horrible taste Noona, no offense.” You rolled your eyes despite the tiny smile tugging on your lips as you wrapped your arms around yourself. Maybe, Jungkook was right, and after all…he said he’d take you home if you weren’t having fun...

This was an awful idea. There was no backing out of this idea once you expressed your interest to Jungkook and he dragged you from store to store because this outing was no longer about him as it was finding something new for you to wear, he had even insisted on paying for it himself. 

Jungkook was no longer in sight nor on your mind as he had been talking to Hoseok last you had seen him, who was cheerifully talking to him despite the shy look on his face. Of course he had gotten your permission, not wanting to leave you by yourself, just as he promised he wouldn’t. For as much of annoying brat as he was, he was also truly a sweetheart.

“Are you okay?” Your concern however, wasn’t on Jungkook right now given you were no longer downstairs as you paused and turned towards Namjoon who looked like he was having a mid life crisis despite being twenty four and at a frat party- but you supposed being younger than twenty one at something like this could cause that.

Namjoon’s eyes darted at the closed door and his mouth felt dry, opting to nod instead as you sat down on the bed. Truthfully you had made the pack to just stick to Jungkook tonight and let him do the talking but  it was by chance you bumped into Namjoon here who had also been dragged to this party by his friend- Seokjin who was apparently a frat brother at this fraternity.

It was loud and the whole place reeked of weed, whoever wasn’t locked in a haze was definitely drunk and it had been over all unpleasant. 

The one saving grace you had found was Namjoon, it was too loud downstairs and with Jungkook off with Hoseok you kept getting interrupted by other people asking for him. Finally asking if Namjoon would like to go upstairs where it would be more quiet. 

And here you were, “It’s nice up here.” You glanced around the semi clean room, “At least it smells like Axe.” Which wasn’t much better than marijuana but you’d take it.

Namjoon snorted as he plopped down on the bed, a humored smile on his lips as he replied, “Yeah it just smells like a middle school boys locker room.” He laid back against the bed as he stretched out, closing his eyes as he soaked in the atmosphere, today felt...different...he wasn’t sure how but, he liked it. 

You seemed happy today, or at least you looked happy. And you were smiling more at work. Namjoon really liked your smile, “Hey,” He hummed as he opened his eyes and glanced at your upright figure, “Why did you come tonight? I thought you didn’t like parties?” 

You gave a somewhat sheepish laugh as you shrugged, running a hand through your hair as you replied, “Ah well…” You seemed a little flustered as you glanced away from him- not wanting to admit that Jungkook had nearly cried from begging you to come because he really wanted you to at least try it just once, all in the name of getting yourself back out there, but the one leading motivate that he continuously brought up, was Namjoon, “Jungkook wanted someone to come with him. He gets worried about me occasionally.” You rolled your eyes briefly despite the small smile on your face, “Says he doesn’t want me to become a hermit.”

Namjoon’s expression softened a little, that was something else he never quite understood, were your friends just that caring…? It seemed a bit unnormal the way they always eyed you with concern despite you brushing them off, “It just shows he cares.” Namjoon offered a smile as you sighed, flopping down onto your back next to him as you glanced up at the ceiling. 

“I know,” You admitted as your smile slowly formed into a frown, your gaze hardened at the dirty ceiling as your brows pinched together, “I just…” You inhaled sharply, sounding somewhat frustrated as you sighed, “I just wish they’d treat me normal sometimes...you know? It’s nice knowing everyone supports me but…” You felt a bitter smile curl on your lips, “I can always see the pity, like I’m just a kicked puppy that needs a little love…They all mean well but…” 

“I can understand why you’d feel frustrated,” Namjoon spoke up, rolling over to face you, sincerity in his eyes as he spoke, “I wouldn’t want to be treated like that either. It’s hard being in a room full of people who all look at you like you’re broken when you aren’t.”

His words hit deeper then you wanted to admit, your throat suddenly feeling restricted as you glowered at the ceiling trying to blink back tears. Perhaps it was the realization that people do look at you like you're broken. Maybe you were, afterall, you weren’t the same anymore. You could barely hold a smile on your face anymore. 

You suffered long nights full of dreams of torment and tears in your waking hour to numbness and wondering why life was even worth living. You had debated on the fall from your window and you had even wondered about the knives in the kitchen drawers. You felt your lips twitch into a bitter smile as you laughed, feeling tears drip down as you replied, “I’d think the same if I were them. I don’t even blame them.” 

Namjoon sat up as he frowned, looking resentful at your words as you wiped your face, “Hey.” You sniffed a little as you sat up, wiping your tears on your sleeve, “You aren’t broken, people shouldn’t be so quick to judge.” 

“You’re just saying that because you're nice.” You scoffed as you glanced down at the bed, your eyes glaring despite the blur, you fought with yourself at night on why Namjoon was even friends with you, surely he just thought you needed help. Needed friends. Why did it hurt to think of it like that? It’s what you wanted, right? 

You squeaked in surprise at Namjoon’s large hands suddenly cupping your face, forcing you to look him in the eyes as you were taken back on how intense his stare was, anger evident on his face as his jaw clenched, “Don’t assume that. You aren’t broken and I don’t look at you like you need to be fixed okay?” His expression softened a little as he watched your eyes begin to blur again, your shoulders shaking as sniffled, trying your damnedest to not cry as you gritted your teeth. 

Defeatedly you closed your eyes as you let your tears fall, why couldn’t you stop crying? Why was everything so confusing and why did it all have to hurt? Namjoon let his thumb rub across your cheekbone, wiping away the tears that dripped down as you closed your eyes, “I don’t care what’s happened okay? I just want to help you be happy again.”

“I don’t deserve it,” You spat out as you choked on your tears, unable to even look at him, you felt so useless, worthless, all of the life left your body with Taehyung when he- your breath escaped you, catching yourself as you nearly choked on the influx of tears. It didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back. 

Namjoon could feel his heart crumble with every tear that dropped down your face, his thumbs soothingly wiping every drop away, “Yes you do. Please, don’t say that about yourself.” Namjoon felt like a faucet and he couldn’t stop the overflow of emotions, unable to keep it to himself any longer when you were so obviously in pain. When you hated yourself for reasons unknown to him, “You will always be worth it to me, okay?” He pressed his forehead against yours, his smile pained as you squeezed your eyes tightly shut, “There will never be a day I don’t think that?” He said breathlessly, his eyes dulled and pained at your sobs, “Don’t cry love.” He spoke softly, closing his eyes, letting the warmth of your skin seep against his as he rubbed his thumbs over your cheeks. 

“I don’t know how. I-I’m sorry....” You mumbled as you sharply sniffled, trying to calm yourself down as your heart ached. You thought for sure you had gotten better, but it became apparent you were just trying to block Taehyung out, and you couldn’t do that. He didn’t deserve it. Taehyung absolutely did not deserve to be blocked out of your memory or forgotten. 

“Shhh.” Namjoon hummed soothingly, his nose rubbing against yours, his fingers tracing down your jawline, “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Your lips trembled at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin, you could feel the hesitation from him, just a ghost of brush from his lips as you sniffled before he fully pressed his lips against yours. 

The kiss was wet, not in a very pleasant way, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks as his lips began to tenderly stroke against yours, his hands so warm against your face as you sobbed against his mouth, parting your lips at the feeling of his soft lips that felt so right against yours. It was like intimacy and warmth you craved. 

The kiss which was gentle quickly turned more heated, your body immediately crawling closer to his as your lips parted for him, his tongue immediately pushing past to enter your mouth as dominance was immediately one, a soft moan escaped you as long fingers trailed down your face to your neck. Your body was lighting up at the memory of those long fingers wrapped around your throat, the heat of his body against yours. 

All the sleepless nights you spent together moaning in passion. Taehyung’s hands trailed down your waist, squeezing tight making you whimper as you crawled into his lap, seeking the comfort only he could bring as you let his tongue lap and force yours into submission in a sloppy wet kiss. 

The knock on the door immediately made you jolt, opening your eyes only to let out a yelp. This was not Taehyung- but Namjoon. You frantically fell out of his lap, all too aware of your shocked expression and tear stained face as you wiped your mouth...You just...kissed Namjoon...The twist of betrayal in your heart wouldn’t stop stabbing as the door opened. 

Namjoon’s lips had parted, looking somewhat frantic to apologize and explain himself when he saw how devastated your expression was, “Oh- uh sorry.” Seokjin looked somewhat sheepish to see the both of you, a girl peeping behind his shoulder looking somewhat embarrassed herself, “Were we um…?” 

“No!” You sharply replied, getting off the bed as you felt your hands violently tremble. You just...you just kissed...you imagined...you thought…“You didn’t.” You rushed past the both of them as you the music pounded into your head and it was like the lights became blurred but not from tears anymore. All of your senses were on overload as your mind sneered at you, you just kissed someone who wasn’t Taehyung, as if he didn’t exist, it didn’t matter whether or not you thought it was him. It wasn’t. It wasn’t Taehyung, how were you ever supposed to forgive yourself? 

“Y/n! Y/n!” 

You didn’t stop until you were suddenly yanked back, “Y/n please,” Namjoon looked at you pleading, “I’m sorry, I overstepped my boundaries and I shouldn’t-” 

“I don’t like you Namjoon.” Your heart was frantically beating out of your chest as tears began to blur in your eyes, shaking your head as you pulled from his grip, “This- it wouldn’t work. Don’t waste your time.” Your voice was ice cold despite the tears dripping down your face as you glared at him, the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable as you turned around. 

Your body in shock as you closed your eyes, letting the tears slide down your cheeks. Walking downstairs you bumped into the person you were just looking for. Jungkook had first smiled upon seeing you before his expression immediately became worried, “What happened?” He was by your side instantly. 

Sobbing you covered your ears, the music and lights too much as guilt ate you alive, “I wanna go home Jungkook.” You felt like a child as you wrapped your arms around yourself, Jungkook immediately wrapping an arm around you as he guided you out of the house. 

How could you ever function after this…? 

“Y/n please, we’re worried.” Jimin kneeled down in front of you as your body trembled, burying further into your blanket curled up on the couch as you shook your head. You couldn’t even speak about what happened without feeling the violent urge to throw up. 

How could you ever do that to Taehyung? What would he think? Closing your eyes you sobbed once more as you heard Jimin demand, “What happened? What do you mean she came downstairs crying?” 

Jungkook sat beside you and had refused to leave your house despite it being three in the morning, concern washed on his expression as he replied, “I don’t know! She and Namjoon went upstairs for a while and then she came back down crying and asked to come home. She wouldn’t talk the whole way home.” 

Just the sound of his name sickened you, your fists curling against the blanket. You couldn’t be angry at him, after all, you had enjoyed it. You craved it. You were the one who was disgusting. Jimin rested his hands on the couch as he looked at you with a frown, “Y/n…” His heart broke at the sight of your crumpled figure buried in blankets, “Did he take advantage of you? What happened?” 

“I imagined him…” You sobbed as you whispered, lips trembling at just the mental imagine in your head, looking up at them with tears welling as you confessed, “I kissed him and all I could see was Taehyung.” You buried back into the blankets as you sobbed, tears staining the warm cotton as you closed your eyes, “I miss him so fucking much. It hurts, it hurts to even breathe knowing he's dead. What’s the point in even being alive if he isn’t here with me? I’d do anything to be with him again. I can’t fucking do this anymore.” 

You curled up as you squeezed your eyes shut, confessing every single thought that had built in your head, “I can’t…!” You couldn’t even register who was hugging you or who was saying what anymore, it was all a blur.

You weren’t even sure when you fell asleep. 

Waking up your head was groggy and you groaned, when did you get in bed and... why was Jungkook here? Jungkook was curled up next to you, his breath in a soft rhythm as you sat up, rubbing your head as you began to recall the night before, your suddenly squeezing as you swallowed back the shame and guilt. 

Stupid

Stupid 

Stupid. 

You should’ve kept it to yourself- you were never supposed to say anything you said last night…”Hey…” You coiled away from Jungkook’s soft voice, deeper than normal as he had obviously just woke up, if he didn’t think you were a kicked puppy before he definitely does now, “Hey…:” His voice was considerably softer as he sat up, a frown on his lips as he spoke, “You don’t need to feel ashamed for last night Noona...it’s good to get that stuff out…” 

Pressing your hands against your face you felt absolutely mortified as you remembered in vivid detail what happened at the party, “I kissed Namjoon,” You whispered under your breath, “And all I could see was him.” You swallowed the thick knot that squeezed in your throat as you felt Jungkook comfortingly press his hand on your shoulder. 

“It’s a process Noona,” Jungkook felt his lips quiver a little, not liking seeing you in such despair, you often hid it well but overtones always lingered, it hurt seeing you like this, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” A soft knock on the door sounded through the room before it opened, Jimin poking his head in as his eyes turned sad at the way your body curled into itself. 

“How are you feeling?” Jimin sat on the edge of the bed as you snorted. 

“Like crap.” 

You could hear them both chuckle and you even felt your lips tug into a smile briefly before they quivered back into a frown, “God, I’m sorry guys…” You felt awful, you ruined both of their nights and probably their sleep, just to listen to you cry. 

They both were immediately objecting as you inhaled slowly, sinking into yourself as Jimin sighed as well, his gaze soft as he pressed his lips together, silence taking over the room before he slowly spoke, “Y/n...I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but...I think maybe, we should get you help…” You parted your lips, wanting to object but he continued, “You need help. Y/n,” His lips quivered a little, “I lost my best friend,” His eyes looked glossy as he forced a smile, “I can’t lose you too. Please, at least for a week, for me.” 

You lowered your gaze as you rubbed your face, maybe it would be for the best, you were beginning to see things that weren’t there, Taehyung was everywhere you looked, you could never escape the ghost of him no matter how hard you tried, “I…” You glanced at the sheets in resignation as you sighed, “Okay…” You mumbled, “I’ll give it a try.” 

Only because you didn’t want them to worry over you. 

----

Namjoon couldn’t say for sure what had happened, but he knew, deep down, he had fucked up. Running a hand through his hair he groaned as he paused at the shop in front of him. He knew seeing you now was a bad idea, you’d probably go to the back room and you wouldn’t want to talk to him. 

But he just…! He just needed to know why. Why couldn’t he be with you? He never meant to fall in love with you, but he loved your smile you rarely showed, or the way you’d give witty comments to every subject he’d try to be serious about. And for once, he loved being not serious. With you. Did he go too fast? Should he have waited? 

Namjoon almost didn’t want to go inside, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to handle the rejection, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how long you wait, some people are just not interested. But he was so sure you were, your eyes always seemed so bright and lit up when you laughed together, or how it would soften and you’d listen intently to his worries. He just needed to know…! 

Determined he opened the door to the shop where his lips immediately quirked into a frown. Jungkook had just finished serving a customer when their eyes met, a frown also on his lips as he looked away, “Jungkook…! Where is she?” Namjoon must have looked pathetic, his eyes pleading as he hurried to the counter where Jungkook shied away from him, straightening out some of the coffee canisters as he turned his back to Namjoon, “Hyung….I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He mumbled, somewhat meekly as he figidied. 

Namjoon pressed his hands against the counter as his gaze hardened, “Is she not here?” Of course you weren’t here, he should’ve known you’d take the day off to avoid him. If the need to speak to you wasn’t imperative before it certainly was now, “Jungkook please, I just need to know.” 

Jungkook pressed his lips together as he turned around, frowning as his big doe eyes searched his elder, unsure if you’d appreciate him spilling what had been going on. And truthfully it wasn’t his place either, Jungkook sighed as he spoke reluctantly, “It’s not you Hyung, it’s her...She knows that better than anyone. I won’t say anything because It’s not my story to tell...I’ll talk to her about it and if she says it’s okay I’ll let you know where she is. Okay?” 

Namjoon could feel his lips tremble a little before lowering his head in defeat, Jungkook’s expression was serious and if this was the best he could get then he’d just have to take it, Namjoon felt pathetic and desperate but he just needed to see you. To at least know you were okay. Your expression wasn’t just shocked at the party...you looked devastated. He didn’t understand and he wanted to, he needed to so badly. 

“Thanks Jungkook.” He muttered with a sigh as he rubbed the back of his head, his phone vibrated in his pocket for the fifth time, Seokjin had been blowing up his phone the whole morning, apologies and questions had been spammed and he supposed, he’d stop by the frat house and sulk. 

Jungkook offered an apologetic smile as Namjoon sighed, trudging out the door in defeat as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, the frat house was a short walk from the cafe and he had spent the majority of the time trying to gather his thoughts into something comprehensible for his friend to dissect. 

“You could’ve at least sent me a text!” Seokjin scolded as he opened his bedroom door letting Namjoon walk in, the bitter reminder of the same bed he had sat on not too long ago and let his emotions get the better of him. He couldn’t help himself though, he couldn’t stand watching you cry much less sob, and he had seen you in that state so many times. He just wanted to help, he wanted to make you feel better. 

Seokjin frowned as he paused from his scolding at the way Namjoon dejected collapsed on his bed, walking over he searched the man’s empty expression as he sighed, “What did you do?” 

“I ruined everything.” Namjoon sulked as he pressed his hands to his face, “I kissed her and she looked at me like I was a ghost. I asked Jungkook where she was but he won’t say anything.” 

Seokjin hummed as he sat on the edge of the bed next to his friend, “Maybe she just needs time to sort out her feelings. I talked about it before but it’s pretty apparent now that she obviously has a lot going on, Namjoon.” 

Namjoon knew that had to be the case, otherwise you’d already be apologizing when you didn’t even need too, right? You’d be trying to fix whatever that was last night, and hey, he’d rather have you as a friend then not at all. He loved talking to you, hearing your thoughts on life and the way you perceived the world. 

When you first began talking, your world seemed dim, as if you filtered the world in only shades of grey. But the more you spoke and the longer things went on, the more Namjoon noticed you opened up, color began to flood into your world again in soft tones and smiles. He adored it. 

“I just wish she’d let me help her.” Namjoon mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, “I hate seeing her cry, and I hate seeing her push me away, and it would be one thing if she didn’t like me, but you want to know the worst part Seokjin?” 

Hurt quivered in his veins as he sat up, glaring down at the ground as he felt a bitter smile twist on his lips, “I can tell she does, why else would she want to talk to me after everything that’s happened? So why won’t she let herself just…! It’s so frustarting!” 

Seokjin sighed, unable to help but feel a little bad for him, it was obvious somewhere down the line friendship and something more had become blurred, “I know man,” Seokjin consoled, “Just give it time. She’ll come around when she’s ready.

Three weeks. 

That’s how long Namjoon had spent sulking, lectures he once listened to eagerly had become background noise, flavors seemed less vibrant and nothing was the same without you. By the sixteenth day mark he had almost given up, feeling despondent, he had stopped by the shop a few times only for Jungkook to shake his head in apology. 

That was until today. Namjoon’s eyebrows shot up and his heartbeat felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, “Ah...well, we can go after I get off shift, if that’s okay?” Jungkook offered a small smile, happy to see his Hyung looking a little more upbeat then he had before. It was truly a sad sight not only seeing Namjoon but you look like kicked puppies the past few weeks. 

“Yes! Yeah that’ll work…! Jungkook, thank you so much, you- you have no idea how much this means to me…!” Namjoon fumbled over his words, his smile bright and lit up, excited to see you again even if it was to just apologize over and over again. 

Jungkook smiled a little as he shrugged, “I haven’t done anything, Noona is doing a lot better and she asked when I visited yesterday if you could come.”

Namjoon nodded taking in his information before pausing….visited? As in, at her house? He didn’t quite understand but regardless he was glad to hear you didn’t hate him, or at the very least you still wanted to talk to him. Namjoon would take almost anything you handed him now. Some may find it sad but he was desperate, for closure at least.

Sitting down on your bed you hummed, letting your fingers drag against the pages of the book you had been reading during quiet time for the past two weeks, Jimin and Jungkook visited you nearly every day for visitor hour but when you got the chance you’d try to read, like now. 

Perhaps you were just trying to calm your nerves, you had asked Jungkook yesterday if you could see Namjoon...the past month had been...long...filled with tears and exhausting nights. You hated group therapy and the nurses constantly battled you when it came to any sort of physical activities. But as the weeks went on you reluctantly began to open up more, particularly during your singular therapy sessions, which helped the most. 

‘Tell me Y/n, you said earlier that Taehyung was the most and loving man you ever met,’ you nodded at her words as she spoke, ‘And you have also said that you can’t allow yourself to fall in love because you’d of your fear of forgetting him.’

You looked at your lap as you didn’t comment, unable too, it felt good...to be able to just spill everything to someone who was listening objectively, your therapist wasn’t looking at you like a kicked puppy, her eyes weren’t dripping with pity, she simply was listening, ‘Yeah…’ you mumbled as you folded your hands together. 

“Have you ever considered that, if Taehyung is truly as lovely as you describe him to be, that he’d genuinely want you to move on? That he would always want you to be happy? If he’s as kind as you say. Acceptance is never easy Y/n, especially when you’re grieving the love of your life.” 

You hung your head as you felt your eyes water, a sniffle escaping you as she pushes the tissue box over to you as she gave a gentle smile, “But Taehyung would want you to be happy. I want us to target why you feel this guilt every time you try to open up to Namjoon,” She clicked her pen, “You’ve said in the past, you feel guilty because you feel as though Taehyung is judging you, but in reality Y/n, the only person who is judging you, is yourself. The only person who is stopping you from receiving this love, is you.” 

Grabbing a tissue you wiped your eyes as you sniffled while shaking your head, unable to speak no matter how much you wanted too as she continued, “These things you’re talking about are symptoms of depression, the guilt you feel is your superego saying you don’t deserve to be loved because you would be betraying someone who is no longer here. This doesn’t make your feelings invalid, but,” She clacked her tongue, “I’d like us to work together to rein in the superego and get back to the root of your consciousness. On your own time, I’d like you to have Namjoon pay a visit and talk with him, but in the moments of doubt, when you’re mind is telling you to pull away or that you don’t deserve something, I want you to consciously and actively tell yourself that it’s okay to love again. It’s okay to move on, it’s okay to let someone else in’

‘What if I’m not ready to face him?” You sniffled, somewhat horrified at the idea of seeing Namjoon again, how could you ever face him after something so embarrassing? 

‘You’ll never fully be ready to face someone Y/n,” She replied, ‘But the first step to letting go, in your case, is telling yourself, that it’s okay to be loved again. It’s okay that you’re exploring love again. The only way to accept your feelings and your loss is by moving on. Let yourself open up to Namjoon, tell him the reason your like this and it will make you feel a lot better.’

You weren’t sure if you were ready to see Namjoon but...you felt guilty, guilty for lashing out at him when he didn’t deserve anything and...your fist curled as you inhaled sharply ‘it’s okay to love again’ that’s what your therapist told you and told you to repeat to yourself anytime you were flooded with any feelings of guilt. 

Leaning against the wall your fingers dragged along the line of words, trying to read but your mind wouldn’t focus. Jungkook would be here soon with Namjoon, your roommate, a young eighteen year old girl was out in the dining area with her boyfriend right now. She had been emitted by her parents due to her depression but she told you the only time she felt excitement was at six o’clock every day, knowing he’d be here. 

Love really could heal, couldn’t it? 

The knock on your door made you jump, the nurse Kang Min Soo opened the door, she was the one who shuffled you from activity to activity during the day, offering a small smile she said, “You have visitors Y/n.” Straightened a little you nodded as she opened the door, your heart beating wildly in your chest as your eyes first met with Jungkook who offered a gentle smile, the taller figure of Namjoon behind him, eyes curiously searching his surroundings before meeting yours. 

Unable to hold his gaze you dropped it to your book, closing it as you set it on the bed, “Hey guys…” You mumbled, feeling a little shy as you shifted a little. 

“I know you wanted to talk,” Jungkook hummed, looking a little brighter today then he had within the past weeks, “So I’ll give you both a few minutes. Jimin should be here in about fifteen minutes.” You nodded, murmuring a thank you as he nodded, offering a smile to the both of you before he exited, shutting the door. 

It was quiet for a few seconds as you curled your knees into your chest, “...I’m really sorry…” You mumbled, feeling somewhat pathetic at being unable to even meet his gaze, Namjoon was still quiet and you weren’t sure if that was a good sign or not, “...I know I haven’t been the most transparent…” 

The bed shifted a little as you glanced up meekly to see Namjoon sit down a good distance from you, looking a little careful in his expression before he suddenly blurted out, “There’s another guy...isn’t there?” He looked sullied all of a sudden, casting his expression on the ground, “You don’t have to tell me. It’s obvious you’re in love with someone else.” 

“He’s dead.” 

Namjoon’s gaze up shot so fast he could hardly process your words, his lips parting as he searched your broken expression, eyes watering as you laughed a little, a smile tugging on your lips as you continued, “Namjoon- I loved him, so much.” You glanced up at him sincerely as the tears trickled down your cheeks, the smile looked so bright yet so sad as you sniffed, “He was my soulmate.” 

Closing your eyes you rubbed them as the wet substance stained your skin, “I’ll never forget that night. It was so stupid. Taehyung- he- he had worked overtime that day and got off shift late. Kept texting me saying how excited he was to get home and eat what I had made.” Your soft gaze became a fiery glare as you mumbled, “But by eleven he wasn’t home...and I waited...and waited...and then I began to get worried. It wasn’t until 11:30 that I got a call.” 

Squeezing your eyes shut you forced a laugh, “It was an accident, a stupid fucking accident. Neither made it. The car pulled out too soon without enough time for him to stop, the car ended up flipped and they rushed him to the hospital, by the time I got there they had to rush him into surgery.” 

It was quiet for a moment as tears streamed down your face, covering your sob with your mouth as you shook your head, “Three hours and I never even got to say goodbye. Jimin was against the wall in tears and I don’t even remember what the doctor told me. Just saw a glance of his body in the hospital bed before the door shut…. Sometimes I still wonder, if I had just told him to not worry about the extra hours, if he’d still be here. He would’ve listened, he’d do anything to make me happy…” Pressing your hands against your eyes you bit your lip to keep down the sob as you muttered, “But it doesn’t matter now, he’s gone…” Wiping your tears away you took a shaky breath, “I’ve been in denial, not wanting to accept reality for what it is. That he’s gone...that he’s...dead...that he isn’t coming back. When I kissed you,” You felt new tears already welling in your eyes as you lowered your head in shame, “You made me feel better, and I loved that feeling so much. But all I could imagine was him. It’s not your fault...you don’t deserve to be dragged along because of me.” 

“Hey…” You covered your face as you felt arms wrap around you pulling you into a hug, you couldn’t help but crave the warmth of Namjoon, his steady heartbeat of still being alive, did it make you a sinner to crave his touch? “I...I’m so sorry Y/n, I had no idea...that was what you were going through.” He squeezed his arms around you as you curled against him, too weak to try and fight what you wanted so badly, “But I’m not going to leave you just because of this.”

Covering your eyes you tried to stifle your sob, guilt eating away at you at the idea of leading Namjoon on, he deserved to be loved by someone who could give him their all. 

You couldn’t. 

“Don’t cry,” Namjoon’s lips coiled endearingly, those dimples poking out as he tenderly stroked a hand through your hair soothingly, “We’ll get through this, and we can go as slow as you want. But I’m not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Okay?” 

He leaned down, pressing a kiss against your forehead as you closed your eyes, tears trickling down your face as you tried your best to push the toxic thoughts that invaded your mind away. Taehyung would want this, wouldn’t he? Right? Remembering what your therapist said you repeated the words mentally, it was okay to be loved again. It was okay to move on.

“Are you sure you really wanna try this?” You sniffed, rubbing the tears from your eyes as you looked up at him, lips quivering as you tried to smile, your mouth faltering as you choked out, “I’m a girl with a whole lot of baggage Namjoon.” 

Namjoon let his hands cup your cheeks, his thumbs pushing away the tears as he gave you a soft reassuring smile, “We’ll get past this, okay? You’ll always be worth the wait.” He closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours. You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, closing your eyes as you felt the small smile tug on your lips. 

Maybe...maybe you could get past this.

You had spent another two weeks at the mental institute before you had felt good enough to sign yourself out and try to pick up your life where you left off, the past month had been...interesting to say the least. Namjoon, much like Jungkook and Jimin, visited you every day. 

Some days were good...others were not so much...But if you learned anything in therapy was to take things a step at a time. Your therapist thought it was wonderful that you had developed feelings for Namjoon, even if it didn’t feel that way. But she had encouraged you saying that it was a sign your heart was ready to move on and heal. 

“I’m so glad you’re back Noona!”

Right now however, you were trying to push Jungkook’s large figure away from you, damn why does this kid have to be so strong? Jungkook was practically like a little boy, running around in excitement when he saw you were put back on your work schedule and has since hugged you for three minutes straight when you walked in, “Jungkook we saw each other Friday.” You complained. 

“Yeah but…! You were in ugly scrubs yesterday and your hair was really greasy,” Jungkook gave you a sheepish grin as you glared at him before pushing him away as he whined, “Besides! It’s your first day back at work!” He clapped his hands, “And you look a lot better! Not as tired anymore, did you sleep well?” 

You sighed as you finished tying your apron, unable to stop the small smile tugging on your lips, Jungkook used to be a lot more reserved in what questions he asked, but having since visited you every day it seems those barriers have long past melted, “Yes, I’ve been sleeping a lot better, but it’s probably because of the medicine I’ve been prescribed to help.” Your smile felt a little weak, but regardless, at least you were sleeping. 

And truthfully, you did feel somewhat, renewed. Like you were no longer strapped to a heavy weight and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. You weren’t sure how to describe it, but you felt lighter these days. Of course you wouldn’t deny how much your being still ached for the man you once loved. You still saw Taehyung in the colors that painted the walls, in the sea you always drove past on your way to work.

But everything seemed so far away now, as if the life you had with Taehyung was just a fuzzy dream. Sometimes late at night you wondered if it was real at all. Yesterday had been painful no doubt, when you arrived home the first thing you did was throw away all of Taehyung’s old clothes you had been keeping. Even his old favorite shirt you always wore to bed. Just the memory almost made your eyes well with tears but you contained yourself. 

Clothes were just clothes, and they wouldn’t make Taehyung come back, would they? 

“Well at least the medicine is helping Noona, sleep is sleep you can’t be picky.” Jungkook was buzzing in happiness before his eyes darted to the girl who was standing at the cash register ready to order, flitting over he began to take her order as you peered from behind. Snorting at the way she flirtatiously smiled and Jungkook fumbled, ears going red as he looked away and rang up her order.

You couldn’t help but smile as you began working on her flat white, “She likes you.” You stated as Jungkook leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as you began to laugh, watching the way his cheeks lit up like little tomatoes. 

“So!? I’m not interested in her.” He mumbled defensively as you clacked your tongue, shaking your head as you set her coffee down at the end of the counter. Of course cupid only liked playing in your love life. As if the universe heard your thoughts the doorbell chimed as your gaze shot up. Two all too familiar figures walked in, well the other bounced in excitement, “Hey guys! It’s good to see you back Y/n! How have you been?” Hoseok practically flew to the counter in excitement. Given his words you doubt he knew what you had been up too but you appreciated the sentiment regardless, offering a small smile as you shrugged, “Just needed a break to clear my head. I’m doing good. Word is you finally bagged someone.” 

Hoseok’s lips parted before he prominently closed them, his cheeks looking red before the door to the back suddenly opened, Yoongi looking around before Hoseok flailed a little, “What!? W-who told you that…?” You looked between them as you raised your brows, unable to keep the smile off your face. 

“Awh, gay is okay guys. You don’t have to be shy.” You could hear Jungkook trying to cover his snort as he turned away to grab the convenient tray of pastries from Yoongi who suddenly looked perturbed and embarrassed, his ears were red as he mumbled something before quickly pushing back into the back room. Hoseok puckering his lips before he caved, a bright smile on his lips as he leaned over, “Hey…you mind if I go back there?” You snorted as you waved your hand. 

“Knock yourself out. Just don’t cum all over the stove.” “Y/n!” “Sorry!” 

You laughed as Hoseok sped around the counter and bolted into the backroom as you shook your head. At least some things changed for the better over the month you had been gone. Shaking your head you hummed, “Someone looks like they’re in a good mood.” His words made your lips tug into a smile as you turned to face Namjoon who had been passively watching the whole situation unfold.

“You don’t know how long I’ve watched them pine for one another,” You replied, looking down as you wiped down the counter to try and keep your gaze from meeting his, it was weird, this warm burning sensation that tickled your insides, it almost felt like butterflies, “It’s nice to see them finally admit it. So are you just here to watch the gays or are you gonna order something?” You looked up, a weird half smile quirked on your lips and you probably looked stupid. 

Namjoon leaned down against the counter as he shrugged, a smile on his lips and those pretty dimples on display, “What should I get?” 

These feelings, constantly repeating to yourself that they were okay, it was all so new. It was hard not to get flustered at his innocent words as you turned to look at the menu before shrugging, “Well you like tea, what about Tropic Blossom? It’s main notes are orange blossom and hibiscus so it’s naturally sweet unless you want stevia in it?” You turned back to face him only to awkwardly look away, feeling your face begin to burn at the way he was looking at you. 

It wasn’t provocative or anything sensual, but his eyes were lit up in a warm glow and his lips were constantly curved upwards in a smile, “Sure, with a chocolate scone too! Hey do you think you could convince Yoongi to make blueberry scones?” 

You rang up Namjoon as you snorted, curving a brow with an amused look before replying, “You could’ve got one back in spring if you had just come with Hoseok earlier. He doesn’t take requests though so no.” 

“Not even for me? Come on, you could convince him.” Namjoon leaned in a little, his lips quirking into a smirk as he hummed, “Just once.” You turned away from him as you tried to ignore the way your face burned. Jungkook had a shit eating grin on his face as he minded his own business, or at least he pretended to as he began making the Tropic Blossom. 

“Just once Noona?” He couldn’t help himself as he gave you patronizing puppy eyes as you glared at him before he snickered, you shoved his shoulder though he hardly budged as you huffed. 

“I will, in the spring.” You clacked your tongue as you tried to control the smile that tugged on your lips as you leaned down as you pulled out the scone, placing it on the plate as you set up the napkin, “Until then you’re just gonna have to live with chocolate.” You stood up, looking up at his figure as you felt a smile tug on your lips once more as you handed him his plate.

“Can I take you somewhere tonight?” 

Your eyebrows shot up at his abrupt words, Jungkook set his tea down as he immediately spoke for you, “She’d love to- Ow!” You jammed your elbow into his rib as he squeaked, suddenly looking at you with sullied eyes like a kicked puppy as he trailed back to the register where a small line had formed.

Take you somewhere…? Like a date…? You weren’t sure if that’s what he meant but...you felt a little at war with yourself, you knew you should be excited but, “Only if you want to,” Namjoon could immediately sense the shift in your demeanor, offering a small smile, “Remember what I said? We can take this at your pace.” 

Well...he was right, you could always head home early if things took an odd turn or...the guilt had faded but you couldn’t help but feel like you were doing something wrong, mustering a smile you nodded, “It’s fine! I get off work at seven though…” 

“Perfect! It’s nothing special,” Namjoon’s smile brightened as he held his cup up, “I’ll see you after work then…” He tipped his drink to you as he gave it a sip, the doors to the backroom suddenly swinging up as you whirled around. 

“What did I say Hoseok?” You couldn’t help the amusement you felt at the sight of Hoseok’s ruffled hair and the suspicious bruises on his neck that were absolutely hickies, he sent you a semi embarrassed and unappreciative look as he replied, “Just get my sugar glaze pastry…”

You couldn’t stop the shit eating grin on your face as you and Jungkook exchanged looks before ringing him up, “And a cumin shot to go?” His glare was worth the joke. 

The rest of the day had come and gone, some hours slow and others fast, Jungkook and you would often go bug Yoongi when things were slow- well it was mainly Jungkook, but you were glad to be back. Things almost seemed...normal? 

Was this what life was really like before....you felt a small lump in your throat form. Before Taehyung? The ache in your heart was still there, but it was no longer the force that would always cause you to topple. Maybe this was the worst part of it all. 

The fact that the once beautiful life you had with Taehyung was over now. You felt a smile tug on your lips and your eyes gloss a little, but for the first time, it wasn’t out of sadness. But happiness, that at the very least, you had Taehyung in your life for as long as you did. Some things just weren’t meant to be. In this lifetime at least. 

Taking a deep breath you pulled yourself from your thoughts as you finished cleaning the counters, Jungkook had already finished taking out all the old pastries and Yoongi had finished cleaning up the back, “You ready to go Noona?” Jungkook called out as he untied his apron. 

“Yeah, gimme a second.” You called back as you tossed your rag into the sink, walking over to the coat rack as you untied your own apron. You glanced out the shop door to see a familiar figure standing out front waiting as you looked back down, suddenly feeling semi embarrassed. 

Jungkook and Yoongi were exchanging glances and you could tell on both of their faces they thought this was both endearing and hilarious, all it took was one glare from you to keep them both from spouting any kind of bullshit. 

Wrapping your jacket around yourself you snuggled up against the warm fabric that fought against the cold air as you walked outside, offering a meek smile to Namjoon who’s eyes lit up at the sight of you, “Hey…” You murmured, trying to calm your heart rate that spiked rapidly for no reason. 

Keeping his hands inside his coat pocket Namjoon greeted you with a brighter smile, “Hey, are you ready to go?” You gave a small nod as you began walking beside him. The sun setting and the air was getting colder at night these days, soon autumn would be here and color would flourish in all the trees. 

Warily, you couldn’t help but feel a small part of yourself that was…looking forward to autumn. It was always a welcomed time of year for you, when cinnamon was strong in the air and you could bake anything with apples in it. Bundling up next to a small campfire and the only time you could wear flannel without feeling self conscious. 

“Where are we going?” You asked softly as you glanced up at Namjoon who peered down at you with a small playful smile, as if he wasn’t going to answer, but he thought it was cute you’d ask regardless. 

“Somewhere.” Namjoon’s smile became bigger as he watched the pout quirk on your lips as you hummed, looking back out at the darkening sky, “It’s nothing special, just something I like doing when I have the next day off.” You tilted your head in curiosity as to where he was taking you. 

You only felt more confused when you stood at the gates of the park, turning to look at Namjoon as you felt a smile curl on your lips, unsure of what to make of this, “Not even a hint?” 

“Well,” Namjoon drawled, pressing his lips together briefly in thought before smiling once more, “We’ll be sitting down. I can’t say anything without giving it away.” 

Sitting down? There was a playground here, would you be sitting on the swings? You hadn’t done that in a long time, but much to your surprise Namjoon walked right past only for your eyes to set on a blanket that looked to already be spread out and a...telescope? Namjoon sat down as he gestured at you with a laugh, “What’s with that expression?” 

“Nothing!” You hurriedly replied, sitting down on the other side of the blanket, “I just…” You looked around before looking up at the sky, lips parting a little only to notice the dark sky blanketed with bright stars, “Didn’t expect this…” You murmured as your eyes darted from star to star, it was a clear night, perfect for stargazing, how long had it been since you even looked up? 

Had you truly forgotten the stars existed before this moment? 

Namjoon’s expression was warm as he gestured you over, “They look even better up close, you can see Pisces from here.” Leaning down you peeped through the lense as Namjoon guided the telescope as you let out a little gasp, “Oh! I think I see it!” You zoomed the lense out a little bit as you pressed your lips together, “Wait, I don’t think that’s it.” 

You had never been good with astronomy but...something about Namjoon laughing softly as you straightened up, something about the way he passionately pointed to each constellation, the way the deep midnight sky melted between the flicks of white that all seemed so...alive…

You really liked this.

You must’ve spent the whole night, looking at the stars laying down, talking about whatever came to mind, you couldn’t take your eyes off the sky for hardly a second. It truly was beautiful. 

“Hey, Y/n.” You hummed as Namjoon spoke up softly, “Do mind, if I ask...about him…” You stiffened a little, your dreamy gaze snapping to Namjoon, more awake now then you had been all evening. 

As if noticing the semi spooked expression Namjoon quickly added, “Only if you’re up to it...I’m sure it isn’t easy to talk about it...But I just…” He seemed a little self conscious as his eyes flickered back to the sky, “I just wanted to know about him, what he was like, what did you do together.” 

You felt a weak smile tug on your lips before closing your eyes, the night sky was no longer in your vision, but it was the warmth of your old home, the apartment you shared with Taehyung, his face which you hadn’t seen in so long was so clear, “He was…” You trailed off for a second before you felt your eyes water as a smile tugged on your lips, “Childish,” You laughed, memories of his pouty expression whenever you reprimanded him, “Playful definitely…” You sniffed as you wiped your eyes, the way he’d smirk and grab you by the waist, murmuring less than appropriate things in your ear, “God he was…” Opening your eyes you laughed again while shaking your head, “Everything I could’ve ever wanted. He made me see colors that don’t exist, noise became music, clouds weren’t just particles anymore,” Tears trickled down your face as you smiled, looking up at the stars, “He told me they were god’s canvas that he painted on every day. Taehyung, he saw beauty in everything.”

You paused as your smile slowly faded, closing your eyes as the pain washed over you, the dull ache in your heart returned as you rubbed your eyes of the tears you had shed, “It’s just…” You felt pathetic, still crying, still missing what once was, “Hard to believe it’s all over, y’know?” 

You felt fingers tug at your hair before gently combing through as you covered your mouth, trying to stifle down the sobs that bubbled in your throat, “He sounds like a one of a kind.” Namjoon offered a small smile as you turned to face him, rubbing the warm tears from your face as you felt a smile tug on your lips. 

“He was terrible! He’d start singing trot off tune and he always made such a fucking mess in the kitchen without cleaning it up!” Memories flashed by in your mind, flour all over the floor and Taehyung's voice low and raspy as he’d cough while trying to sing, the large boxy smile he’d give when you’d wake up to breakfast already made, “And he always left his clothes all over the floor because he never did laundry because he knew i’d do it for him if he waited long enough.” 

“Oh? And how bad were the road trips?” Namjoon’s lips were tugged in a soft smile, laying on his side to look at you as his fingers tangled against your roots. 

“Don’t even get me started,” You both laughed as continued, “Jazz was always a must and it was so boring to listen to for five hours straight and he always bought too many snacks! We went camping one time and...god!” You let out a breathy laugh, “Never again, we forgot to bring bug repellent in the middle of the most humid time of the year and apparently there was like this- retreat? For nudists at the campgrounds at the time and they kept coming over asking if we wanted to take LSD with them and it ended up raining the whole time!” 

Namjoon was snorting out a laugh, humored as he asked, “What did you guys do? I don’t think I can imagine my camping neighbors as nudists.” 

“We had rented out this shitty old camper van so we could keep all of our supplies in the back but, after a long day of being miserable and arguing half the time we packed up and intended on leaving,” You closed your eyes as your fingers traced against the soft blanket, “But when we were driving back we ended up taking a wrong turn and found a cliff side camping spot that was just gorgeous. So we ended up clearing out the back of the van and setting up a ton of blankets and pillows and we enjoyed the view.” 

You could still feel the hard car floorboard against your body with just a few blankets for comfort, curled up against Taehyung with his arms wrapped around you looked out over the valley, that awful weekend ended up being one of your favorite memories, “We turned off our phones, worked through our problems, shared laughs and ate those stupid hostess powdered donuts, and he said it. That first I love you.” 

Tears dripped down your face as you forced yourself to pause, you hated doing this to Namjoon, who obviously held back saying those same words, why was he even doing this to himself? He couldn’t have actually wanted to hear about him. You could see the way his heart always crumbled with every tear you cried, “I miss him so much. I’m sorry.” You whispered in overwhelm, memories you had forgotten resurfacing and you pressed your hands into your face. 

“Shhh,” You were pulled against Namjoon, his arms comfortingly wrapped around you as he held you close, “It’s okay to miss him.” 

-----

“I’m gonna hurt the roots if I just rip it out!” 

You curved a brow as you snorted, Namjoon looked utterly distressed as he attempted to repot his newest set of flowers, mums in shades of deep burnt orange and burgundy, perfect for autumn, “The roots are overgrown!” You argued, “We’re gonna have to cut them down to put less stress on the plants for the love of god just listen to me!” 

You pushed the powdered donut into your mouth before sitting down with him on the wooden picnic table, “Who’s the expert here?” 

“You.” Namjoon unenthusiastically hmphed as he rolled his eyes, but curiously peered down at your hands that pushed down through the soil, carefully extracting the small square of mums as you swallowed the large clump of donut, “Alright we gotta clip these before you can repot them, it’ll promote more growth and they won’t die as quick.” 

“It just seems…” Namjoon watched warily as you clipped the roots with zero hesitation, “...Counter intuitive. Isn’t this like ripping out their lungs?” 

You snorted again, turning to look at him as you pouted animatedly, “Awh you think plants feel? I mean if you wanna get that graphic it’s more like...shaving their lungs…” You watched Namjoon’s nose crinkle in dismay as you laughed, “Seriously though, they won’t get as much nourishment from the soil if you just keep this big ass clump. Root pruning is kind of essential when you’re repotting store bought plants.” 

“Alright but if my flowers die-” 

“Which they won't.” You handed him the pruners as you gave him a cheeky smile, “Well go on, they won’t trim themselves.” You grabbed the bag of mini donuts before plopping another into your mouth, as you inhaled sharply. It was such a beautiful day out, the sun was shining and clouds big and fluffy. 

It was the perfect day to be outside, which is why you were sitting on the picnic table that was one of many sitting outside behind your apartment building. Things with Namjoon have been...good...they’ve been great. It’s been nearly a month of consistently seeing one another, hanging out. 

The pain is still there but, it’s gradually faded with time, you still go see your therapist once a week to talk over things in hopes of not pouring too much out onto Namjoon who was always so patient and kind. You frequented the park at night with him to stargaze and planting and taking care of any greenery had become a thing with you both.

You weren’t sure what it was but, being able to be open and honest about your past relationship with Taehyung, being able to talk about your adventures together, the things you loved and annoyed you about him. Somehow having Namjoon earnestly listen to it all brought you closer to him. You felt safe with him, like he’d wipe your every tear away. 

You really didn’t deserve him. 

Your fists curled in frustration having not caught the words in your mind. Your therapist had been really getting on you as of late to try and redirect your thoughts to more positive affirmations anytime you mentally said you didn’t deserve him. Like...you deserved to have his kindness in your life. 

You could even step into the art museum now without much fear, only because Namjoon loved art and he often contemplated his love of philosophy alongside it. You really were thankful for him. But you couldn’t help but notice something lingering…something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. 

“So I was thinking.” Namjoon hummed, his eyes purposely looking down at the soil that crumbled beneath his fingers as he pruned the roots carefully, “Why not attend that gala tonight? For Modernism?” 

You tilted your head as you shoved another donut in your mouth, “Gala?” Your voice was muffled as you chewed before swallowing, “I thought you said it was stupid because they should’ve chosen to represent Baroque?” He had done things like this in the past before, it would be one thing if you were an art person and he was doing it for you, but you weren’t. 

 Namjoon looked a little apprehensive as he shrugged, gaining your attention more as his eyes stayed on the mums, “Well...I know you both used to like doing...you know, things like that…” He mumbled, making your mouth fall open. Oh...oh no…! You were afraid of something like this happening. 

“Namjoon,” Your lips tugged into a pout, your voice gaining his attention as he peeked up a little, obviously embarrassed when he shouldn’t be, grabbing the plant from him tenderly you set it into the pot before grabbing his soil covered hands, his eyes anywhere but yours, “Those were things me and him liked to do Namjoon…” 

“I- I just…” Namjoon fumbled a little, “I know you miss doing those things so…” 

Your expression twisted sadly, had you said too much to him about Taehyung? You didn’t want Namjoon to feel insecure about your relationship...not that you were together but...things were obviously headed in that direction, weren’t they?

“I don’t miss doing those things Namjoon, I miss it because it was with him,” You watched the way he frowned, his shoulder’s slumping as he stared down at the table, “And you aren’t him. And I don’t want you to be him,” His gaze suddenly shot up to your expression that hardened, “Namjoon I don’t want to live in the past trying to make old memories new again when we already have something. I wanna create new memories that are just as happy,” You felt a little shy as you looked away, “With you, and with the things we like to do together. So don’t worry about it, let’s just stick with a plans to go to the park tonight, besides didn’t you say a meteor shower was happening,” 

You were casual in your words, trying to play off your heartfelt confession on not wanting him to compare himself to your old lover, that wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted and it wouldn't be Namjoon if he did things the way Taehyung did. They were two very different men with similar hobbies but for vastly different reasons, but you’d always love them both. 

Wait…

“Draconids, but it’ll be a boring show. They say there’s only five meteors an hour” Namjoon smiled, his chin resting against his arm as he gave you a dopey smile making you laugh as you shook your head. His fingers playing with yours as you replied, “I’d rather be there then at a stuffy art gala.” 

“Noona! Hyung! Oh did we interrupt?” 

You clacked your tongue in annoyance as your hand, still intertwined with Namjoon’s dropped to table to see both Jungkook and Jimin waving, “No you didn’t, asshole!” You added as you yelled back, watching both Jimin and Jungkook belt out with laughter as a smile tugged on your lips. 

It was originally planned as just a lunch outside but you and Namjoon had made more plans on top of that. 

Jimin waved the bag of takeout he had gotten for everyone as they both sat down, grabbing the towel that was laid out Namjoon wiped his hands along yours as he groaned, “Ah I’m starving, why did it take you guys so long?” 

“No reason,” Jungkook hummed, sounding oddly...content…? Your furrowed your brows as you looked between them both, Jimin’s eyes immediately shooting down to the bag of food as he coughed loudly, “Here’s your kebabs you wanted.” 

You ignored whatever subtext was lingering in the air at the sight of you lamb kebabs, hands immediately sticking out with a smile, “Thank you!” When was the last time you had enjoyed food like this? 

You could feel the warm rays of sunshine on your face and the cool breeze that passed over your body occasionally, was this what it was like to feel again? It was hard to keep Namjoon’s bright gaze that looked more and more like love these days, the way he’d just stare at you with that small smile and those dimples of his. You supposed, these days, maybe you really could fall in love with someone else. 

And after all...that’s what Taehyung would want, wouldn’t it? Something continuously held you back though and...suddenly everything became so clear, you knew exactly what you needed to do. And you knew you didn’t need to do it alone. Watching Jungkook and Jimin bid their farewell after lunch your throat became dry as your heartbeat became faster. 

“Namjoon,” You asked before you convinced yourself maybe this wasn’t as good of an idea as you thought it was. 

He hummed, turning to face you, that bright smile on his lips again as he listened endearingly, somehow making it harder to speak and had the sun always been this hot? “...Would you mind going with me...to visit him?” 

Namjoon’s pupils widened a little and his lips parted as if not expecting those words, he sincerely took a moment to ponder them and you appreciated more then if had unwillingly said yes, after a moment he gave you another reassuring smile as he grabbed your hands, “Of course Y/n.” You felt relieved as you gave a small smile in return, you knew exactly what you needed to do. 

It wasn’t until the evening that you went to the flower shop, grabbing a small bouquet of tiger lilies before walking towards the cemetery, Namjoon doing a double take when you shyly grabbed his hand. Touches were innocent still, hand holding still new and it was admittedly welcomed. 

The sunset was vivid today and it seemed just like yesterday you had rejected Namjoon’s offer for lunch in turn to come here, had that really been three months ago? You looked up at his figure that was looking ahead as a smile tugged on your lips. 

The cemetery looked as it always did, serene, carefully walking in the passage ways and making sure to not step onto any graves you paused at the willow tree. Your heart still squeezed as you glanced down. 

Kim Taehyung 

1995 - 2018

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Sitting down you pulled out the rag you had packed, gently wiping off his gravestone as your eyes waters, a soft smile tugging on your lips as your fingers traced against the engraved name, “Oh there’s so many things I wish I could tell you Tae.” You murmured softly, closing your eyes as the tears slid down, the smile still on your face as you sat back, placing the flowers down as an arm comfortingly wrapped around you. 

Sniffing you wiped your eyes as you leaned against Namjoon, your head resting against his shoulder as you closed your eyes, “I’ve struggled for so long to let you go. To let myself be okay with letting you go.” You could imagine Taehyung’s face, his dark locks of hair covering his eyebrows and his soft smile, hands cupping your cheeks, “And I’ll always love you. But I know you wouldn’t want me to go on the way I had been…So I’ve come here to say goodbye I suppose.” 

There was an ache in your jaw and your heart throbbed with that familiar dull ache, Namjoon’s head laying on top of yours as he pressed a kiss against your hair, “You’ll always be with me, and I’ll always cherish the time I had with you. But it’s time that I let myself be happy again. I know you understand. So thank you for...everything. And leading me to the person I belong with now.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as the tears trickled down your cheeks, pressing into Namjoon’s shoulder, even despite your tears you felt, at peace? As if this was meant to be, accepting things for what they were, and that no, you weren’t completely over Taehyung, but this was a good start to letting him go fully. 

Namjoon wrapped his arms around you as you sniffled, scooting against him as you curled up against the warmth he radiated, “I promise I’ll take care of her,” He spoke softly, a gentle smile on his lips as he looked down at your curled up figure, knowing this couldn’t be easy for you to do, “I know we never met, but thank you for making her happy. And I’ll continue to do the same.” He pressed another kiss against your head as he rested his head a top of yours once more. 

Sniffles escaped you as the wind blew through the trees, a soft rustle being the only noise outside your tears as the willow tree swayed in contentment. And if you really wanted to reach, maybe this was Taehyung’s spirit giving his blessing.

For the first time, leaving the cemetery was like a breath of relief, it was as if you had learned to walk on your own for the first time in a very long time. The sun had already set and hand in hand with Namjoon you both walked to the park where you set out the blanket as the moon rose. 

“Thanks by the way,” You turned to face Namjoon in confusion as he offered a small shy smile, “For taking me to visit him today. I know it wasn’t easy to do.” Your heart felt like it was doing little backflips as you crawled out to snuggle up against him, for the first time, craving his touch against you. 

“Of course, but I’m ready to focus on us.” You still felt a little shy yourself but you wanted more than anything to get to know Namjoon, he knew everything there was to know about you by now in terms of your past relationship. There was an unquenchable inferno inside you that wanted to know everything you could about this man. 

Laying down curled up against him Namjoon let his fingers tenderly run against your hair as he whispered, “I’m okay with that.” Your heart for the first time felt content, warm and fuzzy, all the hurt and all the tears you had spent crying felt like just a distant memory in the arms of your lover now. 

Your eyes felt lost in the inky blue sky above the were speckles with stars that gleamed brightly, and there it was the first meteor that passed making you squeak in excitement, Namjoon smiled as he looked down at your expression that seemed so excited at the flashes of light that streaked across the sky. 

Glancing at the sky Namjoon was surprised at the next few meteors that passed, and a few more before they came in dozens and dozens and soon the whole sky was lit up in light and the stars the seemed so muted before looked like gems that danced across the sky, light blues mixed with deepers shades of indigo and the streaks of white painted across the sky as he whispered, “This only happens once every few hundred years, where hundreds appear in the sky.” 

Namjoon couldn’t look at the rare sight in the sky though, not when he could look at your eyes that reflected the whole sky in them, all the stars that surfed in your gaze and your lips open in awe at the sight and for the first time in his life, he understood what that saying meant. 

‘For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream’

Namjoon would never leave your side for a single second, he pledged to himself, you’d both get through this together and you’d build a strong relationship. And he’d cherish you just as much as Kim Taehyung did, he’d devote his whole life to you if needed.” 

“Namjoon,” Your eyes looked dreamy while you turned to face him, he seemed distant as he stared at you as you gave a bashful smile, for the first time able to say what you always felt, “I love you.” 

[pinkestwrites]

A Wolf For Christmas

Jinyoung wolf AU

Jinyoung is used to funny smells. As a werewolf, it's common for him to pick up on strong scents throughout the day. But this—this is overpowering. It surrounds him, leaving him no room to breathe anything else. He has to leave his spot in the back aisle and see just what is producing this harassing smell. He frowns, realizing it's a little girl. The child is squatting in the kid's area of his section of the store, reading the Little Red Riding Hood all by herself.

"Are you supposed to be alone?" he questions, trying to be firm but not scare her.

The little girl looks guilty as she stares up at him. "No," she sighs in defeat. "Please don't call my mom!" she shouts at him, pouting extra hard to help her case.

Jinyoung smiles to himself. Any other day and he would have caved. This was the book section of the store and he was definitely adamant about children needing to read more, but that scent was driving him crazy. It's not coming from her, just lingering around her, so he has to meet the parents of whoever this kid is.

"Sorry," he tells her, extending his hand out to help her to her feet. "You can't just wander around alone."

She takes his hand, but sends him a glare. He admired how adorably fierce she was. "Don't look so gloomy," he counters. "if your mom allows it, you can stay here." Her face lights up at his words and she practically drags him in the correct direction.

**

Jinyoung should have expected to be brought to women's clothing. At least once every few hours someone loses their child from not paying attention. While the department store wasn't known for much, they did have a large selection of trendy clothes they were known for carrying.

Upon entering the section, he hears his shift manager scolding someone in the distance. "Mom!" the little girl shouts as she drops Jinyoung's hand. His eyes widen when he realizes it's her mom who's being scolded. Jaebum, looks annoyed, but leaves without saying another word.

The smell stops him in his tracks. It's sweet, but not sickly so. It's soft and teasing, even at full force. He's drawn back to reality when the little girl is pointing at him, dragging her mother his way.

"I'm so sorry," the mother immediately apologizes. "I only had my back to her for a second!"

He shakes his head—both to clear his mind and dismiss her apology. "It's fine," he gets out, voice shaking. "I know how sneaky little ones sometimes get."

She snorts. "Sometimes?"

Jinyoung lets out a nervous laugh, not sure how to follow. His eyes instead take in her form, it's then he notices she's dressed in the required uniform. "You work here?"

She nods, "Women's wear."

It all makes sense then. While working, of course she would easily lose her kid. He wants to question further, but if Jaebum had no problem with her bringing her kid to work, he wouldn't question it.

For now, his mind is telling him to get away. He still had to finish his shift, it wouldn't go well if he continued to linger around in this scent. Distracted didn't quite cover how he felt. He gives her a little nod before turning on his heel.

"Wait!"

Startled by her sudden shout, he whips around.

"You forgot this book," she tells him, pulling the book out her daughter's hand, despite the fight she put up. Just from that action alone he knew the little girl would not be visiting him again.

He puts up a hand to stop her. "She can keep it," he tells her.

The mother shakes her head, and bits her lip, hesitating. "I can't afford it."

Jinyoung solemnly nods. "It's on me."

** "Go on break," Jaebum barks at him as he's passing through. Jinyoung sighs, Jaebum's ever the cold leader, but he doesn't need to be told twice.

Grabbing his lunch from the staff lounge, he heads outside to find a quiet spot to eat. He doesn't get very far when he catches that scent again. He hates how his eyes snap to the direction of the mother and daughter from earlier with such ease. Figuring he can't escape, he might as well join them.

"Hello again," he greets them as he plops down on the bench opposite them.

"Hi!" the daughter easily greets him, but the mom, rightfully so, looks at him suspiciously. After, he assumed, she'd determined he was okay, she says hello back.

He sees they are eating as well, though the daughter still seems absorbed in the book. "Enjoying your book?" he questions.

The mother blushes and can't quite look him in the eye. "Thank you for that," she admits. "and yes, she's obsessed with this story."

"Nothing wrong with that." The wolf in him even feels proud.

She stopped mid-motion to give him a look that says 'what’s wrong with you'. "It's too morbid for her age."

Jinyoung shoots her a skeptical look back. "Morbid? Little Red Riding Hood gets saved in the end."

The mother just shakes her head like it's a lost cause trying to further talk to him. "But it talks about the wolf eating everyone."

Jinyoung rolls his eyes now. It's s child's book, not like they go into detail. "Should I have given her The Three Little Pigs instead?" he sarcastically replies.

Despite having just taken a bite the mom says, "Yes!" and nods ever vigorously.

Finally it's the daughter's turn to voice her opinion. "Mom, you're so boring."

** As he's waiting for the start of his shift, Jinyoung brightens at the sight of Hyunjin and Hyemi walking in (the mother and daughter, he totally asked for their names at lunch yesterday). Hyemi is talking a mile a minute and he's proud to hear she's still on the subject of wolves. Hyunjin just rolls her eyes and puts a finger to her lip. Hyemi pouts and closes her mouth, but once she spots him, she instantly waves in his direction. Just as he's returning the gesture, Hyunjin sees him as well and nods.

Jaebum walks in a few minutes before the start of the hour and clears his throat, catching every employee's attention. "As you all know," he starts, pointing to a giant tree in the back of the room. "This time of year we host our annual Staff Secret Santa. I've randomly placed everyone's name on the tree, please pick one and only one. If you get yourself, just put it back and grab another." He explains as a low buzz erupts around the room. "I trust that I don't have to babysit you on this, right? Grab one and let's go to work." He finishes as he exits the staff break room.

Jinyoung groans, he hears the feeling is mutual as he glances over to Hyunjin. Hyemi is jumping up and down, excited at the word Santa, but clearly Hyunjin is not. "Mom, what's a Secret Santa?" she eagerly questions.

"Shh, I'll explain later," Hyunjin replies as she slips in line to grab her pick.

Jinyoung slips in behind her and Hyemi grins back at him.

"Excited?" he teases, clearly Hyemi seems like she'll burst any minute from excitement.

"Please don't encourage her," Hyunjin scolds.

Jinyoung can't help himself. "Your daughter's right, you are boring."

Hyunjin's jaw drops open. Before she can retaliate, Jinyoung points ahead. "Your turn." She huffs as Hyemi giggles and grabs a name before she can.

"Who's—" Hyunjin is quick to cover her mouth. "It's a secret," she grits out.

Jinyoung ignores them and picks one as well. His eyes light up and he can't believe his luck. He got Hyunjin. He secretly grins to himself, about to pocket his pick when Hyunjin steals it out of his hand.

"Oh thank god you got me," she tells him, crumbling up the little piece of paper with her name on it. He's about to question her when she continues. "Please do not buy me anything. We don't celebrate Christmas." Having said what she needed to, she turns on her heel and heads off in the direction of her department.

** Jinyoung can feel his wolf flaring up at his anger. Since Hyunjin had snapped at him, he'd been uncontrollably angry. Jaebum even sensed it and told him to take a five minute break to cool off. Of course, the break didn't help.

Honestly, he's not sure why he's so mad. Was it because she ordered him not to? That seemed a little silly, but he didn't want to let it go. Hyunjin and her daughter were very interesting to him, he was certain it would be fun shopping for them. He decides right then and there to ignore her request.

Just as he's pondering what would be a good gift, he picks up Hyunjin's scent heading his way. He feels a little bummed when he sees it's just Hyemi. She looks guilty as she makes her way to him.

"Hello," Jinyoung puts on his best smile and greets her anyway.

Hyemi mumbles a hello back and awkwardly stands with him. For someone who's always so bubbly, Jinyoung knows something is wrong with her.

"You OK?" he questions, squatting down to her eye level.

Hyemi doesn't say anything, just throws herself at him for a hug. Jinyoung is surprised by the action but slowly returns it. Hyemi beams up at him as she pulls away.

"Mom's mad at me. She said I should leave you alone."

Ah, the weird behavior makes sense. Hyunjin must have scolded her. He feels a sting of hurt at the fact that she'd ordered her daughter to do such a thing. Jinyoung had never done anything to warrant such a reaction. "I'm sure she's not mad at you, she's just trying to protect you," he reasons.

She glares at the bookcase in front of them and he can't help the laugh that escapes him. "It's not funny!" she huffs at him.

He puts up his hands in surrender. "Sorry." He gets serious as he tells her, "Tell your mom, I said you and her are not a bother, OK?"

Hyemi smiles at his words and runs off back to tell her mom the good news.

** Hyemi took his word seriously and immediately came back after telling her mom. Jinyoung smiled and told her to read whatever she liked. Of course she went straight for The Little Red Riding Hood again.

"Do you like wolves?" she questioned as she turned a page.

Jinyoung had to fight back the grin. He cleared his throat to answer seriously. "Yes, I do."

Hyemi's head snapped up at his words and she shut the book in front of her. "They're so pretty. And fast. And scary. And I want one!"

He smiled fondly at her words. Scary, but still wanted one as a pet? She was certainly braver than most people.

"I wish there were more wolf books," she commented, looking gloomily down at the book in her lap.

Jinyoung understood that. Their selection wasn't the best, just filled with the classics or what was currently popular. Even their children's section was lacking. An idea hits him then. "Would you like to hear a story?"

Her whole being lights up at his suggestion. "Yes!"

"OK," he tells her as he takes a seat down on the floor beside her. "There once was a beautiful little girl, just like you," he taps her nose and she giggles, already enthralled by his story. "She lived in the countryside with her mother and sister. The little girl's health was very bad and she was sick. One day she discovers a wild wolf boy living in the woods surrounding her home."

Suddenly Hyemi frowns. "Hey, I've seen that movie!"

He gets flustered at being caught. Of course she would have seen a movie like that. He stares at her little angry face, trying to think of something else.

"So you like werewolves too?" he questioned.

"Any wolf!" she eagerly replied.

"OK, I know just the story."

** "There was a little werewolf boy—" he caught himself before blurting out his own name. "Nyeongie. Nyeongie lived in the forest with his mother and father. Every day he would run around and play with all the other animals in the woods. They were his only friends since he didn't know anyone else.

One day it was time for him to return home for dinner, but he got lost. Despite being very good at smelling, he couldn't pick up the scent of his home. Instead he stumbled upon some humans. Scared, he tried to run from them and hurt his leg."

"Poor baby," Hyemi interrupted, which made him smile.

"It was OK though, these humans didn't hurt him. It turned out they were werewolves just like him. And they had two sons. The younger one was Bummie. And the other one, Lark."

"Lark?" Hyemi questioned.

"They wanted to give him a unique name."

"Ah! OK! Finish!"

"They took him in for a few days as his leg healed. Werewolves heal very quick, you know?" She nodded at his question. "Once he was all better, they helped him return home. What waited for him was not what he expected. Both his parents had been murdered. Lark and Bummie's parents helped him properly bury his family, but he was devastated. Now he had no one."

He abruptly stopped his story when Hyemi burst into tears.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." He tried consoling her. It wasn't working so he pulled her into his lap to rub her back. This worked and she quickly stopped sobbing. "All better?" he asked. "I have to finish my story, it's not all sad," he teased.

"OK," Hyemi said as she wiped one last tear away.

"He thought he had no one," Jinyoung clarified this time. "But in reality he had made really good friends with Lark and Bummie. Without any hesitation, Lark and Bummie's parents took him in and accepted him as their own son."

Hyemi comments a mile a minute, but he doesn't hear it. Instead his brain locks in on the scent heading his way. He makes eye contact with Hyunjin once she's in sight and, boy, does she look unhappy.

"Hello?" Hyemi waves a tiny hand in his face to catch his attention.

"Huh?" he questions, focusing back on her. He'd completely missed everything she'd said.

"I said—"

"Wait," he cuts her off. "Your mother doesn't look too happy."

Hyemi freezes at his words and guiltily waves at Hyunjin. "Gotta go," she tells him as she runs off.

He shakes his head, but a smile appears on his face and he gets off the floor. Never was there a dull moment with those two.

"Should you be telling her your own story?"

Jinyoung almost jumped out of his skin. He didn't know how Jaebum managed to sneak up on him like that. He glares at the manager as he calms his heart.

"It's fine. She'll never know that it's real."

** "Mom's mad at me again."

Jinyoung grins. He has a feeling it's because she keeps sneaking off to him, begging to hear more about Nyeongie. It's actually quite therapeutic telling her his life story. He didn't realize how lonely he felt only talking with Jaebum and Mark.

"She's not mad at you, she just worries a lot about you. You gotta be a good girl and listen to everything she says, OK?"

Hyemi nods, "OK!" she pauses, quietly thinking to herself. "I wish dad would help mommy. I hate him!"

Jinyoung is intrigued by this new piece of information. He didn't realize she had a dad. Of course she had one, but this was the first time he was hearing about him. "You don't mean that," he defends.

"I do!" she doesn't budge.

"He's doing his best."

Hyemi gives him the coldest look he's ever seen a little kid give. "Mom says something happened and he can't be with us but I just think he doesn't love us." With her last words, she stands up and runs off.

Jinyoung feels bad, he hit a sore spot without meaning to.

Jaebum's legs come into view and he stops staring after Hyemi to look up at him.

"You're get weirder and weirder by the day," Jaebum tells him.

He rolls his eyes, "You just have bad timing."

"Sure, lover boy," Jaebum teases and pats him on the head. "Go on break," he orders and leaves him still sitting there.

** At break, despite seeing Hyunjin is still visibly upset at him, he plops down at the table again. "Hey," he greets and gets out his lunch.

Hyunjin is eating her lunch as well, but Hyemi is adorably crawling around on all fours, howling at the sky. She barks at Jinyoung in what he assumes is a greeting. He waves before turning back to Hyunjin, there's a faint trace of pink lining her cheeks and he can't help but think it's cute that she's letting Hyemi be.

Hyunjin grabs his attention when she lets out a sigh. "Look," she starts, finally meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier," she admits. "I do mean what I said though."

Jinyoung nods at her explanation, trying to play it cool. "Rules are rules though."

Her eyes narrow at him now. "We can just pretend, yeah?"

"No. At least let me get her a gift instead?"

Hyunjin looks conflicted at this, but she stays firm. "No," she answers. "I know it seems absurd, but money's tight right now and I just don't want her expecting gifts from now on."

The guilty look on his face crushes his heart. "Then you should let me, I'll give her something every year."

Hyunjin gives him a look that says he can't be serious. He hopes the look he's giving back says he is. Because he would.

With a shake of her head, she finally breaks eye contact and crosses her arms to rest her head on. Tiredly, she silently continues to watch Hyemi run around. Jinyoung gets the hint and drops the subject.

He's just taken his last bite, when Hyunjin turns to him. "I hope you don't think I'm a bad mother for not wanting to celebrate Christmas."

He's surprised she's addressing him and is not quite sure how to respond. "No, of course not." he finally gets out. "Just confused is all."

"I want to, you know?" she turns back to looking at Hyemi. "She deserves it, she's the world's sweetest girl."

That he would agree with, she was all smiles and sunshine all the time. "I don't mean to intrude, but she mentioned her dad," he stops cold when he sees Hyunjin's shocked reaction.

Her eyes suddenly get teary, but Hyunjin blinks them away before they can form. "He's not in the picture. I was waiting for her to get older to explain to her. I think she's still too young to understand."

Jinyoung nods.

"Someone at school told her that her father abandoned her the other day." Her eyes got teary again as she looked over at Hyemi. "Why do people have to be so cruel?"

Jinyoung doesn't get the chance to reply as Hyemi runs over. She's out of breath, but even he knows she's ready to eat. Hyunjin is quick to get out food for her and Hyemi silently eats beside Jinyoung, only looking back and forth between them. Deciding it's OK to speak, Hyemi starts telling them what she was doing.

Jinyoung got so engrossed in listening and replying to Hyemi that when he glanced over at Hyunjin, he realized she fell asleep. He grins to himself, thinking how cute she looked when Hyemi also noticed. She looked shocked and opened her mouth to wake her but Jinyoung put his index finger up to his lips. "Your mom's really tired, we should let her rest for a few minutes, OK?" Hyemi eagerly nods at this and smiles at him as she continues eating.

Jinyoung takes this moment to unapologetically observe Hyunjin. Without a scowl on her face, he notices she's actually quite pretty. Some of her hair had fallen across her face, and he stops himself, arm already stretched out to move it out of the way. Hyemi is giving him a weird look as well and he flushes. Way to look like a creeper, he scolds himself. Awkwardly, he coughs and glances at his watch. Realizing it's time to go, he lets out a sigh and reaches out to wake Hyunjin.

"Hey sleeping beauty, time to go back to work."

** As he's clocking in the next day, Hyemi comes bounding over, a blushing Hyunjin following loosely behind. Hyemi instantly gives him a single cookie in a ziplock bag.

"We made cookies!" she tells him, proudly displaying her work for him to see. "This is for you."

"Cookies?" he questions, taking the bag in his hand. "But this is only one?"

Hyunjin gives Hyemi a look but explains, "I told her to bring you more, but she wanted to eat most of them. Sorry."

He grins, feeling weirdly special even with only one cookie. "Thank you," he tells the both of them. "Even if it's only one, I'll still enjoy it."

The first person he notices is Mark. Mark's standing off to the side of the room, grinning at him. He rolls his eyes in return, positive that he was going to hear a teasing from the other male once work was over, but he didn't care. Now when he notices all the weird looks from the rest of the staff, that's when he gets a bit shy.

He tucks the cookie safely away in his pocket, deciding to eat it once he got to his section.

** After giving him the cookie, he's sure Hyemi will pop by like she normally does. So when she doesn't, he gets a little concerned. He figures Hyunjin made her stay put, as already this morning might have been too much. What he doesn't expect is to see Mark stalking after Hyemi and her running right at him. She clamps onto his right leg as she hides behind him.

"Save me!" she shouts at him, ducking behind him as Mark comes to a stop.

Mark scowls at him as he points at Hyemi. "Tell your girlfriend's kid to give that back! You know Jaebum is gonna kill me if he sees her with it."

He's shocked, only registering the word 'girlfriend'. "What?"

"Mark, what are you doing over here?" Jaebum scares the both of them in his usual fashion, appearing without notice. Honestly, it doesn't surprise him why Jaebum had instantly been promoted to manager when all three of them were hired at the same time. As the leader of the pack, he was too good at everything.

"Going back to work," Mark says, turning on his heel.

Jaebum just shakes his head, ignores Hyemi's odd position and keeps going. Seeing the coast is clear, Hyemi runs off as well.

It makes sense when she returns a few minutes later. Hyunjin is holding Hyemi's hand and she has the biggest pout on her face. In her other arm is a little grey wolf, he'd missed the first time she was over here. Hyunjin must be mistaken, thinking he was the one to give it to her.

"But mom—" Hyemi starts to object, only to receive a warning look from Hyunjin. "OK," she deflates as she hands the wolf over to Jinyoung.

He accepts, now understanding what Mark was talking about. Great with kids, he was put in charge of the toy section.

"Boy, I'm popular today," he tells the little wolf as he heads over to return the guy to his rightful place.

**

Jinyoung has just put the last book in its spot when he stands, finding Jaebum hovering by the checkout desk. In his hand is a little pink backpack and he can't help but give a questioning look.

"Hyunjin left this behind earlier, I figured you'd be the most appropriate person to give it to."

Jinyoung takes it, but opens his mouth to decline. No matter what they thought, he didn't even know where the two lived, what was he supposed to do with it? Jaebum beats him to the question and materializes a post-it note, address scribbled on it. "You can return it," he orders.

"OK," he gives in and slings the little pink bag over his shoulder. He gives his section one last look over before heading off on his mission.

The apartment on the post-it note isn't that far from the store. There's a broken security gate that he goes right through and his inner wolf begins to flare up as it appears extremely unsafe for two women to be living there alone. He tells himself to relax, he was sure Hyunjin wouldn't like him trying to exert any dominance over her. Despite the run down appearance of the place, majority of the windows have a string of Christmas lights hanging in the front window or some kind of other decoration, it gives him hope that it's not so bad after all. He knows he's reached her place when everything is plain as if it were not holiday season.

He rings the bell and hopes Hyunjin is glad to see him.

"Hyemi!" he hears Hyunjin shout from somewhere in the apartment. He understands why, when Hyemi pops the door open. A breathless Hyunjin pulls her out of the way a second later. "Oh," she comments when she sees it's just Jinyoung standing at the door. "Thank god it's just you."

"Here," he quickly hands over the bag. "Jaebum sent me to return it."

Hyunjin looks even more relieved at his offering. "Oh my god, thank you! You're a lifesaver, I was going to have to go get it in a few minutes."

"Well invite the boy in if you're so thankful," Jinyoung flushes at the response, he's sure it's not meant in the way he's thinking, but his inner wolf isn't thinking very nicely.

"Mom," Hyunjin groans. "He probably has to go, we shouldn't bother him."

"Actually," he tries to fight the grin at the pleading look Hyunjin starts to give him. "I was just going to go home and eat dinner all alone."

"It's a crime for someone to eat alone!" her mother declares. "Come on in," she tells him as she appears at the door and ushers Hyunjin out of the way.

"Thank you," he tells her mother, noticing that one of her arms was in a sling.

Jinyoung feels a bit guilty at the embarrassed look that Hyunjin begins to spot, but it's not like he planned to do this for the rest of his life. He was curious and one night would satisfy that curiosity.

Hyemi on the other hand is super excited to see him. She runs right up and hugs him.

"Jinyoung, right?" Hyunjin's mother asks as she leads him into their kitchen. Hyunjin just silently set off to prepare a plate for him.

"Yes," he politely responds, pleasantly surprised that she knew his name.

"It's nice to finally meet the young man that my girls won't stop talking about."

**

Jinyoung had been in a great mood all day. It was finally his day off, which he felt a bit sad over at first. He hadn't realized how much he looked forward to work, he was sure a certain woman and her daughter were the cause of this, but he wasn't completely bummed.

Tonight was the annual staff holiday party. Last year he'd spent majority of the party idly wandering with Mark and Jaebum, but this year he was hoping for a change. He knew not to get his hopes up, he could feel it in his soul that Hyunjin was more than likely going to skip given her situation.

Jinyoung was thankful for Hyunjin's mom. Getting answers from Hyunjin was like pulling teeth, but her mother was the opposite. For such a closed off person, he wondered how Hyunjin had gotten that way. Her mother had no problems opening their life up to him. Her mother explained that she'd tore her shoulder at work and was fired from her own job, putting a huge weight on Hyunjin to deal with everything alone.

Suddenly the world went silent to him and he caught onto that lovely scent. Being surrounded by her and her scent last night muffled his brain because she'd been the only thing on his mind all day. He knew this was not normal, but he just went with it.

Hyunjin instantly spotted him and made her way over. He couldn't help but notice the fact that Hyunjin was in a dress, a very tight dress that did nothing to hide her figure. "Oh thank god you're here," she broke his attention. She blushed when she belatedly noticed Mark and Jaebum standing with him. "H-hello," she shyly greets him.

"You know Jaebum and Mark, right?" he sends them a look, hoping they'd disappear.

"Yes!" Hyunjin nervously brushed away a strand of hair that fell out of place. "I'm sorry Hyemi was bothering you the other day," she tells Mark.

Mark just shrugs it off. "It's OK, she's not that bad to be around." He yelps, startled when Jaebum grabbed him by the elbow. "Excuse us," Jaebum tells Hyunjin and steers a complaining Mark away.

Hyunjin finally turns back to Jinyoung, guilty look on her face. "I made your friends leave, sorry."

Jinyoung snorts, "No worries, they're boring anyway."

Hyunjin looks annoyed now. "That's only because you now know all my secrets!"

A grin spreads across his face at her words. They were true, Hyunjin's mom had definitely overshared. He didn't mind though, he shared just as much, only leaving out his one obvious secret.

"Honestly, I hate Christmas," she sighs, looking around at all the decoration hung around their tiny break room.

Jinyoung's shocked at her confession. "No one hates Christmas," he states.

"Well I do."

Suddenly, Jinyoung wants to make it his mission to change her opinion.

** Instead of lazying around watching whatever random movie he could find online, Jinyoung received a frantic call earlier in the day. Hyunjin was at her first job—he didn't even realize she had another job, no wonder she was falling asleep at random—and couldn't get off in time to pick up Hyemi. Jinyoung knew to trust his wolf instinct when it told him to force his number on her, telling her to call if she ever needed anything.

He stands out in the sea of moms in their leggings and t-shirts. He's got on a button up top and some dress slacks, which looking back, he knows is a silly choice to wear. Why am I dressing up for a kid? he scolds himself. But it's too late now, Hyemi's class gets out in two minutes and he would never make it to his apartment and back before then.

He also notices he's the only male and much younger than most. Even Hyunjin seems younger than most. He guessed she was a few years older than him, but it only leaves him wondering how old she really was. To think she already had a kid and was taking care of it on her own made him feel so useless. Most days it was a struggle for him just to get to work on time.

As soon as kids start pouring out of the room, he immediately looks for Hyemi. She's one of the last few and she frantically searches for her mom. When her eyes land on him, she lights up and runs right at him. "Jinyoung!" she yells as she throws herself at him. The impact almost knocks him over, but he quickly rights himself.

"Hello to you too," he laughs as she crushes him in a hug.

"Where's mom?" she questions as she looks behind him, like she'd missed Hyunjin.

"She's at work, she asked me to come get you. Is that OK?" he asks when he sees her get sad. It's brief before she's smiling again. "OK!" she answers.

By now, the two have caught the attention of the rest of the class. Jinyoung scans the class wondering which one told her she was abandoned by her dad, scowling at them all for good measure. "Do you want to say goodbye to your friends before we go?"

Hyemi doesn't spare anyone a second glance and starts tugging on his hand. "Nope."

He's relieved when she waves at a couple of girls in another class a few doors down.

** Jinyoung tightly holds her hand anytime they come to a crosswalk and makes sure he's the closest to the street as they walk. It's all so stressful to him and it's only been a few minutes.

"Can we get ice cream?" Hyemi breaks his concentration.

He glances up at where she's pointing and sees a man selling ice cream cones at the park across the street from them.

"Sure."

The man is scooping out their ice cream when Jinyoung's phone rings and he's surprised to see it's Hyunjin.

"Hello?" he answers as he watches Hyemi delicately take her cone.

"Where are you?" Hyunjin immediately questions. "It's already fifteen after and it only takes about five minutes to walk—"

"Stop. Take a deep breath," Jinyoung interrupts. When she complies, he continues. "We stopped at the park for ice cream."

"Ice cream? Jinyoung I told you I don't like spoiling her."

Jinyoung gasps, "since when is ice cream spoiling her?"

"Jinyoung," Hyunjin warns.

"OK, I promise no more after this. I'll take her straight home now."

"Can we play in the park after this?" Hyemi's little voice asks from beside him.

"Tell her I said no," Hyunjin answers through the phone.

Jinyoung stares down at her hopeful face and he hates to be the bearer of bad news.

"Only a few minutes wouldn't hurt, would it?" he asks instead. "Besides, your mom's shoulder is pretty bad. Maybe you should have someone else watch Hyemi while it's hurt."

Hyunjin lets out a sigh at this. "You know I know no one else."

"See, a break for one day won't kill anything will it?"

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, he can tell she's trying not to snap at him. "Fine. But you let her get hurt and I'll hurt you, got it?"

"Yes ma'am."

"OK, I'll check up on you again."

"Got it!" he tells her, hanging up before she can change her mind. He gives Hyemi the OK and she takes off.

"Wolves live here!" she yells, ice cream dripping all over as she runs off into the trees.

Jinyoung laughs, watching her eat and search around as he eats his own cone.

** After Hyemi tired herself out, Jinyoung proceeded to carry her home. When he showed up at his apartment he cursed himself, he'd forgotten to take her home. It felt so natural bringing her to his own place that he didn't even think twice about it.

Mark and Jaebum sat on the couch as he entered the living room. He raised a finger to his lips to quiet them. In return they gave him questioning looks, seeing Hyemi passed out on his shoulder. He gently laid her down on the empty couch so not to wake her and motioned for them to follow him into the kitchen.

"Is there something you need to tell us," Mark starts. "Like when did you suddenly become a dad?"

Jinyoung shoots him a glare. "Hyunjin needed someone to watch her."

"So you brought her here." Jaebum answers for him.

"I forgot to take her back home, OK?" he puts his hands up in defeat. "Hyunjin's mother normally watches her but her arm's in a sling."

Mark and Jaebum share looks of concern.

"You're not going to be having her over all the time are you?" Jaebum questions, looking horrified at the thought.

"Of course not," Mark answers for him. "He'll have to move out because we don't have enough room for a family here."

Jinyoung sends Mark a nasty glare. The thought didn't seem that bad, but it wasn't like that with Hyunjin. He wasn't sure what they were yet honestly.

Suddenly he remembers an advertisement at the park. It had been awhile since the three did anything and they were having a light show at the park later in the night. Since Christmas was right around the corner, the show was Christmas themed and Jinyoung thought it would be a fun idea to see it.

"Hey, you guys doing anything later?" he asks to change the subject.

"I'm going to the movies with Jackson," Mark looks sheepish.

"Youngjae wants me to look over one of his assignments," Jaebum also turns him down.

Jinyoung huffs, crossing his arms in disappointment. "You two never have time for me anymore."

Jaebum waves over to the couch. "Take them."

Jinyoung knows he's already in trouble, he doubts Hyunjin would be up for it. He stands there and ponders the thought for a moment. It wouldn't hurt to try since he had his heart so set on seeing the silly little light show.

"I'll see," he tells them and rushes off to his bedroom.

Phone already in his hand, he calls up Hyunjin, nervous for some reason. When she answers he almost loses all nerve.

"Before you yell at me, Hyemi's OK."

"I wasn't going to yell at you." Hyunjin sighs into the phone. "I trust you. Plus I thought it over and you're right. Maybe a little treat now and then isn't so bad."

He grins, feeling like a puppy that just got rewarded for doing a good job.

He lets out a nervous laugh. "Speaking of that, there's this little light show in the park, would you be interested in seeing it? I figured me and Hyemi could meet up with you and the three of us could see it."

The line goes silent. "Hello?" he asks, thinking the call dropped.

"Sounds good, I gotta go!" she hurriedly replies before hanging up on him.

Relief courses through him.

** The light show isn't as silly as he thought it would be. It was actually well thought out and fun. Clearly Hyemi enjoyed herself but Hyunjin was different. She remained blank faced throughout the show, he knew because he kept glancing over, trying to gauge her reaction to everything.

"That was fun," she finally breaks the silence after the last song played. "We haven't done anything like this since she was a little kid."

"Really?"

"Yeah, since—" she glances down at Hyemi and gives Jinyoung a knowing look. Since Hyemi's father left, Jinyoung fills in the gap.

"Glad I could bring some fun back into your life then," Jinyoung teases, hoping to lift the mood.

"Mom, that was awesome," Hyemi interjects, continuing on about the show and all her favorite parts.

"Don't tell me," Hyunjin stops her and pats Jinyoung on the back. "Tell him."

"OK!" Hyemi yells out before turning to crush Jinyoung's leg in a hug.

Hyunjin laughs at the gesture, shaking her head in a fond sort of way.

"Thanks Jinyoung," Hyemi whispers out. "Oh, there's our house," she shouts out, noticing the little apartment complex just down the street.

"Yep," Hyunjin replies. "You have to get ready for bed as soon as we're there."

Hyemi lets out a groan, but doesn't say more. Jinyoung finds it odd that she's actually quiet. Only as they're walking through the complex to the apartment does she decide to speak up.

"Mom?" she questions, turning to look up at Hyunjin. "Why can't Jinyoung be my dad?"

The question stops Hyunjin in her tracks. "Go inside now," she orders once she opens the door for Hyemi. As Hyemi disappears through the door, Hyunjin slams it shut behind the girl and turns to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung suddenly feels awkward. Hyunjin's reaction isn't a good one, he can already tell he won't like what she's about to say.

"I'm sorry for that," Hyunjin instantly blurts out.

"It's fine, I don't mind." Jinyoung shrugs. It was just a curious question, he understood that.

"No, it's not." Hyunjin crosses her arms in defense. "I knew her hanging around you so much was a bad idea."

"What?" Jinyoung scoffs, feeling offended. He'd been nothing but nice to that little girl.

"You're a good guy, I know," she pauses thinking over the right words. "But it's not right. She's too young to understand relationships so I want to end this before she gets anymore attached to you."

Jinyoung is so floored, he's lost all words.

"Thank you for tonight. For everything, really. I'll make sure she doesn't bother you anymore."

** If Jaebum or Mark passed by to check up on him one more time—Jinyoung was sure he was going to lose it. After Hyunjin told him off, he had went straight home and hadn't left his room for anything. Since then, they'd been tiptoeing around him, probably well aware of how pissed he was.

He understood what Hyunjin had meant. Hyemi has already lost one father figure, Hyunjin was just trying to protect her child from another heartbreak. What really got to him was the fact that Hyunjin assumed he was just the same. Had he not proved he wasn't even remotely like that?

Just as another pang of hurt coursed through him, Mark came into view. He hoped he was sending Mark the deadliest look he could muster. It must have worked, seeing the look on Jinyoung's face, Mark immediately spun on his heel and headed back to his own section.

Jaebum, too, also came into view, but he didn't run off like Mark. "Stop looking like you're about to kill everyone," Jaebum scolded as he leaned up against the register. "You're scaring off customers."

Jinyoung scoffed, there hadn't been a single person through. There was no one to scare off.

"Are you mute, suddenly?" Jaebum asks seriously this time.

Jinyoung shakes his head in answer which Jaebum rolls his eyes to.

"Just don't bite anyone's head off, OK?" He leaves without hearing Jinyoung's answer.

He can't make any promises, especially when he can now hear Hyemi's voice off in the distance. Mark's talking to her and he suddenly feels his wolf flaring up again. Break seems like a good idea now.

And it works, being out in the cool air calms him down. He picked a spot where he normally doesn't rest at so he knows he's safe.

Safe until he catches wind of Hyunjin's scent, she pops out of the doors right beside him, Hyemi in toe, chattering about some wolf thing like normal. His wolf, bruised but not beaten, begs for him to go confront the woman. He can't though, it would only result in him spitting out something he didn't mean.

"Jinyoung!" Hyemi announces once she spots him. Like usual, he softens and returns her wave.

"Come on," Hyunjin grabs Hyemi's hand in her own and drags her away.

"But mom, why can't we sit with him?" he hears the child ask.

"I told you, you can't bother him anymore."

"But mom," Hyemi whines again.

Jinyoung's not sure what yet, but he wants to do something just to spite Hyunjin.

** Jinyoung knows just what to do when he spots Hyemi talking to Mark again. She was excited, rapidly talking about wolves as usual. The only difference is the little wolf doll clutched in her arms. She's hugging it to herself and he knows he has to get it. Before closing time, he sneaks over to Mark's section and picks up the little doll.

"What are you doing?" Jaebum questions when he sees Jinyoung in line.

"Purchasing an item," Jinyoung snarkily replies.

Jaebum glares at him. "What are you doing with that?"

Jiyoung doesn't reply. It's obvious who he's buying it for.

"Considering Hyunjin has been telling Hyemi to stop bothering you for the last two days, I don't think that's appropriate right now."

He continues to ignore Jaebum as it's finally his turn in line. The girl behind the register is clearly nervous at the fact that the store manager is watching her like a hawk.

"Are you going to let me pay or should I move to another isle?" He snaps at the girl. When she looks frightened, he feels bad. But doesn't she know, the customer is always right.

She finally comes to her senses and rings up the doll. He hands her the money and snatches the bag from her hand, still ignoring Jaebum the whole time.

It's only when he's outside that Jaebum stops him. "Will you please just talk to me?"

His hurt wolf tells him not to say a word but it's Jaebum. No matter how angry he is, Jaebum has always been a good brother to him. Never guiding him wrong. He's shaking, just thinking of what happened, but he tells him anyway.

"She told me that she didn't want me to hurt Hyemi just like her ex."

Jaebum hums out in understanding. "To hurt her."

Jinyoung hadn't even thought of it that way. His wolf suddenly feels relieved. She must have felt something to be scared.

Before his wolf starts running around in circles of joy, Jaebum manages to kill his mood again.

"Maybe you should give her some space, I don't think pressing the point is a good idea right now."

He knows he's right, but Jinyoung sneers at him.

"I'm just saying, I'm sure she'll come around."

Jinyoung sighs, Hyunjin's really stubborn. "I don't think so."

** Despite feeling like there's no hope to fix their relationship, Jinyoung wraps the little wolf doll. It proves to be more difficult than he thought, but he manages to make it turn out pretty decent. It doesn't look professional, but it's not horrible either.

He's nervous as he goes into work that night. His stomach does a flip when he doesn't see Hyunjin before his shift. He dejectedly carries it with him back to his section. Knowing Hyemi, he's sure he'll hear her pestering Mark and give it to her then. When he doesn't hear her, he gets a little panicked.

He throws open the door to Jaebum's office after his shift is over. Worry written all over his face, he doesn't have time to feel sorry for bursting in.

"You better have a damn good reason for that," Jaebum barks at him as he gets up to pick up the pieces of paper Jinyoung scattered all over the floor.

"I do," he at least has the decency to help pick up the papers as well. "Did Hyunjin not come into work?"

Jaebum rolls his eyes and makes a noise of disapproval.

"She called out for the day, didn't say why."

Jinyoung sighs in disappointment, he was hoping to give it to her before he lost all courage.

"I told you to give her some space," Jaebum scolds.

Jinyoung doesn't want to listen to his advice, but he agrees. He knew she'd be back tomorrow and he'd just try again then.

Until she doesn't show up the next day. This alarms Jinyoung. Jaebum has no answer, only says she sounded distressed so he couldn't deny her. He asked for a reason why, knowing Jinyoung would want to know, but she wouldn't explain. Jinyoung's heart drops to the pit of his stomach, knowing how much responsibility weighed on her shoulders, he knew it had to be something major.

It's probably not the best idea, but he decides to drop by and see if everything is OK anyway.

It's not, Hyunjin answers the door in tears, a look of hope on her face. When she sees it's just him, she burst into tears. Too grief stricken to reply, she almost shuts the door in his face. Her mom stops her, once she realizes it's him at the door.

"Honey, go sit down," she orders.

"Is everything OK?" he tries to calmly ask. He feels dumb as hell for showing up now. Not to mention, his wolf is going crazy wanting to comfort her. It breaks his heart seeing Hyunjin so broken.

Hyunjin's mom takes a deep breath and shakes her head, she finally tears up as well. "Hyemi's missing," her voice shakes.

If he didn't know any better, he'd thought the word had stopped around him. He doesn't say anymore, just turns and runs out of the complex.

** Jinyoung barely made it to an alley to strip off his clothes before the transformation took over. He knew this was bad, it was rare that he couldn't control his wolf. The sight of Hyunjin broken, and the thought of Hyemi lost and all alone, put him over the edge.

As a wolf, he had to take several deep breaths to calm himself. The last thing he needed to do was to go on a murderous rampage and get himself in trouble. Instead, he hoped to use his heightened senses to his advantage.

He scoops his clothes in his mouth before peeking out at the street around him. It's empty, much to his fortune. He takes off up the street to try and figure out where Hyemi might have gone.

Starting at the apartment proves to be a good idea. He catches her scent out on the sidewalk in front. It's faint, but it's just enough. He follows it to the park where the three of them watched the light show. Still following the scent, it leads him right to the small patch of trees in the middle of the park.

In the line of trees, Jinyoung easily spots Hyemi curled up into a ball on the floor. She appears to be asleep, but her head perks up at the sight of him. "Wolf," she squeals and starts to stand.

He knew now was not the time to be thinking like this, but he had to admit, she had more balls than adults three times her age.

Before she runs over to him, he disappears back out of her sight. Maybe one day in the future he would let her pet him, but now was not the time. Hyunjin was worried sick over her, his only thoughts were to bring Hyemi home. He circled around to the opposite end of the trees and shifted back to his human form to get dressed.

Fully dressed, he peeked out around the tree he stood behind. Hyemi was still standing in place, looking after the way he ran off. She's clearly dejected. He steps out of the trees now. "Hyemi?" he sternly calls out.

The sudden calling of her name startles her. She whips around, eyes wide as saucers and greets him. "Jinyoung!" she yells out as she runs over to him.

He lifts her up into his arms, glad that she’s safe. She's freezing though, with only her mandatory school uniform to keep her warm.

"Have you been here the whole time?" he questions, frowning at her.

"I'm sorry," she says instead and buries her head in his shoulder.

He softens at the action and starts back to her home.

Hyunjin lets out a gasping sob when she opens the door. Her mom runs over and also bursts into tears. The two of them stand there, crushing both Hyemi and Jinyoung in a hug as they cry. When they calm down, Hyunjin's mom takes Hyemi from him and leaves the two to speak in private.

Hyunjin immediately grabs him into another hug, Jinyoung knows it's to say thanks as she can hardly speak. But she lets him go and clears her throat. "Thank you," she gets out as she wipes away her tears. "I don't know how you found her, but thank you."

He opens his mouth to reply, but is stunned to silence when instead she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him right on the cheek.

"Even though I don't want you to, you're always coming to my rescue."

** Jinyoung knew he should feel happy—Hyunjin kissed him! Only on the cheek, but it was still better than nothing. He didn't understand why he felt like shit. Maybe because despite such an amazing moment, that still didn't change anything. Hyunjin returned to work like nothing had happened, keeping Hyemi at bay as well. For now, it seemed his days were doomed to being miserable at work and then locking himself up in his room once he got home.

Leaning on the cash register, he knew it wasn't good to keep staring at the spot Hyemi used to sit and read, it would only make him more depressed, but he couldn't get himself to stop.

Someone clearing his throat, brought him back to reality. He opened his mouth to greet the customer, but he quickly realized it was Jaebum. "Oh, what do you want?" he snipped, returning to his previous position.

Jaebum sighed. "Why don't you just tell her she's your mate and get it over with. This—"

Jinyoung's whole world spun at the word mate. "What?" he interrupted.

"What do you mean 'what', you know what a mate is."

"No—I mean—" he couldn't think straight, so he took a deep breath. "How do you know Hyunjin's my mate?"

Jaebum gave him a look that read 'are you stupid?'.

"I'm being serious," he responded.

Jaebum sighed. "Enticing smell, only thing you can focus on, life suddenly revolves around her?"

"Oh," Jinyoung dumbly answered.

"How could you not know, we used to talk all the time about mates as a kid."

Jinyoung frowned. "Yeah, but I gave up that hope for us a long time ago."

Jaebum chuckled at this. "It never happens when you want it to. Besides, do you know how long ago I would have fired her if not for you?"

"What?" Jinyoung glares at him over those words.

"Since you obviously don't know, she can't keep bringing her kid to work. If one of the region managers catches her, we're both done."

Jinyoung calms down at this. "Thank you."

"No need, just tell her and get it over with," Jaebum orders and pats him on the shoulder as he leaves.

The fact that Hyunjin is his mate is all he can think of for the rest of his shift.

And when he sees her, struggling to carry a sleepy Hyemi out of the store after work, he goes to her rescue without thinking twice.

** Jinyoung's stomach flips the next day when he runs into her before work. She's all alone for once, Hyemi nowhere in sight. He decides to gather all his courage and speak to her.

"Hey," he greets.

"Hello," Hyunjin shyly greets back, not quite able to meet his eyes. Suddenly something dawns on her and she grabs his shoulder. "Oh, can I get your opinion on something?"

"Sure," he doesn't hesitate.

"OK," Hyunjin nods and tightens her hold on him as she drags him to the store's jewelry department. His brows furrow in worry, wondering why she would be taking him there, but he silently follows.

Hyunjin stops at a glass counter and peers down, pointing at a little gold necklace with a wolf pendant.

"What do you think?"

He looks down, confused why she's asking his opinion about it.

"It's cute?" he offers.

"I thought so too," she nods, taking his answer seriously.

When she notices the confused look on his face, she answers, "It's for Hyemi. I'm getting her a Christmas present after all."

The look of shock on his face must say it all.

"I know," Hyunjin puts her hands up in defeat. "It's a miracle, right?" He laughs, but doesn't answer. "Actually, it's because of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you spoil her without any hesitation and I want to do that as well." she looks at him softly, a hint of adoration in her eyes. "I guess you can say you influenced me."

He feels warm all over and figures, just maybe, there was still hope for them.

** The department store is closed for Christmas day. In usual tradition, Jinyoung, along with Jaebum and Mark get up bright and early to go back to Jaebum's parent's house. They spend most of the day catching his mom up, she's always so happy to see the three of them and be filled in on their lives.

"What has my little Jinyoung so distracted?" he hears Jaebum's mom ask.

"Hm?" he questions, finally zoning in on the conversation. It's after dinner and they are just sitting around the table, casually talking about life, but he wasn't listening. He was thinking about Hyunjin and Hyemi, of course, and missed what they were talking about completely.

"Jinyoung found his mate," Mark blurts out.

Jinyoung glares at Mark. He was hoping to get by without having to actually talk about her. Although not completely over, it was disappointing.

"Tell me all about her," of course his mom demands.

"Well... there's not much to say," he nervously answers. It was true, Hyunjin and him hadn't gone anywhere in their relationship.

Jaebum's mom reaches across the table and swats him on the arm. "You should have invited her over."

From the look of concern that washes over her features, Jinyoung's sure he must look miserable.

"You haven't told her, have you?" she immediately catches on.

He swallows the lump in his throat, not sure why he suddenly wants to cry. "Not yet."

Jaebum's mom gets to her feet and comes around the table to hug him. She lets out a defeated sigh, but makes him stand. "What?" he questions before she silences him.

"Go get her, you're basically not here anyway!"

He makes a noise of objection, but everyone is giving him looks that says to go.

"Don't worry, we've already had dinner. It's fine," his mom encourages.

He feels guilty, but grabs his coat anyway. He doesn't need to be told twice. If anything he would just dump all his feelings on Hyunjin and leave it up to her to decide.

** Before heading straight to Hyunjin's, Jinyoung made sure to drop by and grab his gift for Hyemi. He feels a little silly for not getting Hyunjin something, but he's certain she'd probably chew his head off if he did actually get her a gift. The thought makes him feel better as he heads to her apartment.

At her apartment, Hyemi answers the door. There's no Hyunjin to scold, just Hyunjin's mom. Hyunjin's mom is surprised to see him, but ushers him in quickly.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, showing him into their living room.

"What's that?" Hyemi busters out, only concerned with the gift in his hand.

Jinyoung grins down at the little girl and hands it to her. "Actually, it's for you."

Hyemi takes the gift and instantly starts to rip it.

"Wait!" both him and Hyunjin's mom stop her.

"Why?" she angrily shouts back.

Hyunjin's mom beats him to answering. "Wait for your mom to get home before you open it, silly. Don't you think she's want to see?"

"Right!" Hyemi caves, disappointment all over her face.

Hyunjin's mom turns to him now. She gives him a confused look. "She said she was heading to your place, had something to talk with you about."

His heart wants to burst out of his chest, she wanted to talk to him by her own choice?

"I was just there, I didn't see her," he answers instead.

"Must have just missed her."

Jinyoung nods at this and points at the door. "I'm going to go see if I can catch her."

Hyunjin's mom nods and waves him off, more concerned with Hyemi, who's taken their distraction as a chance to try and 'accidentally' open her gift.

"Put that under the tree and don't touch it," is the last thing he hears before he's off running out the door.

He makes it to his apartment in a few minutes, panting and probably looking a mess. He takes a second to fix himself, he'd hate to look awful when he finally confessed his feelings to Hyunjin. Once he was confident in himself, he heads to his apartment.

The smell of Hyunjin hits him as he gets to his hallway. She's leaned up against his apartment door, looking bored out of her mind.

"Hey," he greets, breaking her concentration.

"Hey," she squeaks, looking nervous now that they're face to face.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Um," Hyunjin stumbled, suddenly wide eyed like she had no idea either. "This!" she exclaimed, pulling out a gold watch.

He gives her a confused look.

"You dropped it at my place the night you found Hyemi," she softened. "I noticed it was broken and had it repaired for you."

He carefully takes the watch in his hand, expecting it and seeing that it looked perfectly as he remembered. He hadn't even noticed it was missing. Running his hand over the face of it, he instantly puts it back on, feeling completely touched that she went out of her way to get it fixed for him.

"Thank you," he tells her.

"No, thank you," she tells him back. "I can't say it enough."

He smiles, shaking off her gratitude. "No need, I'd do anything for you."

He's not sure if she says anything else, he's only able to hear his wolf going crazy. Kiss her, you fool, it chants. So he does. He leans right in and kisses her.

He hears a squeal of excitement and quickly breaks off the kiss. Scowling, he sees it's Mark and Jaebum. They're standing at the other end of the hall, gawking at him like they've just witnessed a miracle. "Hey, how about we go..." Jaebum trails off feeling the awkward tension. "Let's just go anywhere else, OK?" he orders Mark, taking the older boy by the arm.

"Wait," Hyunjin stops them. "I was just leaving actually."

She gives Jinyoung a shy look before rushing past him.

Jinyoung lets out the biggest sigh. Now how is he supposed to calm down his wolf?

** Jinyoung was feeling very satisfied the next day. He went into work confident, after having finally made a move. It felt even better when him and Hyunjin began texting throughout the day. He was just replying back to her latest text when the scent of her hit him. Looking up from his phone, she shyly waved at him as she walked over.

"Hey," she greeted, as she casually leaned on his register. "I'm on break," she offered.

"Oh?" he feigns surprise, making sure to tease her. "Glad I'm your first thought."

She rolls her eyes, but the smile doesn't fall off her face. "I wanted to tell you something face to face."

Sensing she wasn't in the joking mood, Jinyoung gets serious as well. "OK."

Hyunjin takes a deep breath and avoids his eyes, instead choosing to focus on his hands which she takes one in her own. "This morning, I got a raise."

"That's great, isn't it?"

"Yeah, you know I can definitely use the pay raise."

"But?" he questions.

"Well, now I can afford to quit this job."

His heart sinks hearing this. He looked forward to seeing her everyday and now she was going to leave?

"My mom got the OK to stop wearing her sling and she starts therapy, so she can't really watch Hyemi anymore. It's all really working out for the better, you know?" She doesn't say it, but he can read it in her eyes. It's all working out, except for him.

"So when do you quit?"

"Today."

Disappointment hits him like a wall and he can't hold back the frown that crosses his face.

"I mean it's not like we won't see each other again, right?" she looks hopefully at him.

In his usual perfect timing, Jaebum pops up. "You, breaks over," he tells Hyunjin and practically barks at him, "Jinyoung, go on break."

Jinyoung lets out a sigh as Hyunjin nods a goodbye to him and leaves back to her station. With Jaebum nowhere in sight, Jinyoung decides to run after Hyunjin. He wasn't quite finished with their conversation.

"You're right, there's no reason we shouldn't see each other again."

Hyunjin brightens up at his words and shyly smiles at him. "Right."

"How about tomorrow? After I get off work? Do you think your mom can watch Hyemi for just a little bit?"

She doesn't even hesitate. "Yeah, of course!"

"Great. It's a date."

"A date," Hyunjin agrees.

They've reached her section and Jinyoung knows he should probably go. No use getting her in trouble on her last day, but his feet won't move. They stay planted, letting him stare into her eyes.

And just as he leans over to kiss Hyunjin, Jaebum walks by. He doesn't stop, just leaves them with his words.

"Employees aren't allowed to kiss during work hours."

** Jinyoung wished that when he got to retell the story of his first date with his mate that it would be amazing. Something for people to envy. Something that was not a disaster. It's like his brain wouldn't calm down and think, it refused to let him act like a normal human. He knocked his drink over onto, not just him, but Hyunjin as well. Then when he tried to help clean it up, he knocked over hers as well. The embarrassment didn't stop there, of course. He stood to go to the men's room and ran right into a waiter, creating an even bigger scene.

After all the commotion, luckily Hyunjin was OK with leaving. He was so upset with himself, he couldn't bring himself to talk with her on the walk home. It was awkward and silent, only Hyunjin glancing at him in concern. When her apartment came into view, he was never more happy to see it.

Hyunjin stopped at her door and turned to him. "Don't be so hard on yourself, OK?" she told him, trying to look him in the eye.

"You don't have to sugar coat it, I know I ruined it." He finally answered, looking sadly down at her.

Hyunjin laughed. "Honestly it was cute. You're always so perfect, it was nice seeing you normal for once."

Her confession made his face heat up. "What?"

"Oh, come on," she rolled her eyes at him. "You walk around dressed very neatly, and you're perfect at everything. You're unreal sometimes."

He scoffed at this. "No, I'm very normal."

"It's part of your charm, don't take it as an insult. I don't care what you say, I still enjoyed myself."

Jinyoung clucked his tongue at this. "There's no way you could."

Hyunjin let out a sigh and said no more, just pulled him in for a hug.

"I'll make it up to you," he promised, finally hugging her back.

But he doesn't get the chance, he spends the next month over at Hyunjin's house helping out in any way he can. It's fun, never a dull moment in their household, but he would kill for some alone time with her. He mopes around at work and if he has to hear Jaebum complain about him one more time—he might just flip out.

Luckily none of that is necessary. Hyunjin suggests they do something one night, and he feels like his prayers have been answered.

** Hyunjin suggested they stay in for their next date, which he couldn't agree with more. He invited her over, making sure to throw out both Mark and Jaebum. Last thing he needed was those two hovering around, making him more nervous than he already was. The beauty about having a movie night was there was for sure no way for him to screw it up. All they had to do was watch a movie, talk, eat. Simple things.

Hyunjin sat curled up on the couch as he went in the kitchen to get them drinks. "Do you know Hyemi is still talking about wolves?" Hyunjin brings up. When he returns from the kitchen, he sees why. The TV is muted, but there is a rerun of A Werewolf Boy playing on screen. He thinks fondly back on how he tried to tell her the plot of it and got caught.

"Maybe she's destined to be a wolf's mate," he casually responded. His eyes widened when he realized he'd slipped up. Luckily, Hyunjin didn't take it seriously, instead smiled at the idea.

"That would be so cute and romantic. Having a soulmate seems nice."

He cocks a brow at this, surprised she'd actually said that.

"Not that I want to be someone's soulmate, you know?" she clarifies, suddenly speaking very fast. "I have you, I don't need a soulmate." Now she looks scared. "Not that we aren't soulmates, I think we match very well."

He puts his hand on her thigh to calm her down. "I didn't realize you believed in werewolves," he skirts around the topic of soulmates, already knowing the truth.

"I'm not saying they're real, but you never know. The world is too much a mystery for me to rule anything out."

His heart fluttered at her answer. Fate sure did have a funny way of working. How amazing was it that his mate not only thought his kind was a possibility, she was open for such an idea too. His wolf stirred, telling him to just tell her everything. No delay. Now or never.

But her phone rang, Hyemi's face appeared on the screen and he wanted to cry. So much for his perfect opportunity.

** Jinyoung really had to thank Hyunjin's mom. She'd nagged Hyunjin to take a break so much, they'd actually had a few more dates. All like their second date. Nights in, where he couldn't mess up. And he had to hand it to himself, he was getting less and less nervous around her.

Especially tonight where more than anything he wanted to pounce on her. His wolf was going crazy. He had Hyunjin tucked warmly by his side, the two opting for snuggling rather than a movie like usual. When he showed up at her door to walk with her to his place, he realized she was just too tired for anything else. Happy just to have her alone, he would have agreed to anything really.

She threw her leg over his and tried to snuggle even further into his side, like that was possible. "You're really warm," she commented as she let out a sigh of relaxation.

"Oh?" he feigned ignorance. He was on fire. Every part of him wanted to just push her back and take her right then. But he couldn't. He'd promised himself he wouldn't make a move until he told her the truth. He hated himself for agreeing to such a condition, but he knew it was right. It was better to get it out before progressing any further.

"Yeah, I like it," she commented. "You remind me of a dog."

He broke out into a laugh. "What?" he questioned, sitting up to look at her. That comment was out of left field.

"I'm so sorry," she nervously covered her mouth. "I didn't mean that. It's just that as a kid, I had a pet dog and he was always like a little heater."

He dropped the smile off his face, this was the moment he was waiting for!

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to compare you to a dog!" Hyunjin blurted out, taking his serious look for offense.

"It's fine, I don't care," he told her, taking her hands into his own. "I have to tell you something."

A nervous look crossed Hyunjin's face. "Is everything OK?" she questioned.

"Yeah, of course," he smiled at her. She smiled back, friendly, encouraging him to continue then.

"Remember how I said maybe Hyemi was a wolf's mate?"

"Yeah," she let out a laugh.

"Well, it's not Hyemi. It's you."

Hyunjin cocked her head in confusion. "What?"

"It's you. You're the wolf mate. You're my mate."

He let the words hang in the air, waiting for them to register with Hyunjin. For her to laugh it off or call him crazy.

"So you mean you're a werewolf?"

"Yes," he quietly answered.

Hyunjin nodded. "That explains a lot."

"Um," he looked thoroughly confused now. "What?"

"Well, it's winter and you never wear a jacket. Somehow you miraculously found Hyemi when she went missing," she answered seriously. "I said you were unreal and I meant it."

"Oh," he was stunned that she caught onto so much.

"Plus Hyemi told me that little story you told her about Nyeongie. That's you, isn't it?"

He felt his face heat up. Honestly he should have known better. With how obsessed Hyemi was over wolves, he should have expected her to share the story with Hyunjin.

"It doesn't change how I feel for you."

The words surprise him and before he can reply, Hyunjin leans in and kisses him. It's more aggressive than he's used to, like she wants to show him just how much she feels. He falls back onto the bed, not breaking the kiss and accepts it all eagerly. When her hands travel farther down his body then she's ever allowed, he knows it's a sign.

Jinyoung breaks the kiss, taking a moment to stare into her face. She's beautiful, more beautiful than anyone he's ever known. She was strong and independent and probably everything he could ask for in a mate. He wondered how he'd gotten so lucky.

"Can I make love to you?" he's nervous, not quite sure if he'll be good enough, but he wants to try. The fire in him has been burning for so long, he's ready to put it out now. And when she answers a quiet of course, he loses it.

He flips their position so he's hovering over her, hands going to her waist to remove her shirt, but she sits up and, much to his dismay, helps him remove it herself. He wanted to put in all the work, but she's in a hurry. Once shed of her own, he's quick to strip off his clothes, her hands greedily helping him in the progress.

Free of no barrier, she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him in to another kiss. Jinyoung can't help the laugh that bubbles out. "Slow down, hm?" he questions. "There's no need to rush."

Hyunjin lets out a sigh. "I know," her voice comes out low, strained. "I just want you so badly."

Her anticipation gives him courage. He drops his face into the crook of her neck, her smell even more enticing than usual. He's too embarrassed to tell her he can't hurry, his brain too fuzzy with her to quickly process his next moves. Even his wolf is disappointed in him. It's chanting for him to get it on already, but Hyunjin's worth more than that to him.

He grabs her by the hips and she wraps her legs around him as he lowers them both back down to the bed. He kisses her, this time slow and gentle, like their kisses usually go. While normally he can barely move his hands, too much in fear of going too far, this time he explores. He starts at her neck and travels down the line of her body, only stopping at her hips when she lets out a whimper.

"Feel good?" he grins.

"Yes," she sighs out. She moans when he slips his hand in between her legs. "Better," she breathes out when he starts to slowly circle her clit. "Much better."

He chuckles, but doesn't stop. Just takes in the image of her face flushed, eyes closed, enjoying his lazy hand movements. By now his dick is hard and dying to be in her, but he tries to remain calm. Her before himself, he reminds. When she moans, he quickens the pace, ready to get her to her peak. She rolls her hips in sync with him and lets out a cry when she finally reaches her orgasm.

"Ready for me?" he asks, still wanting to be sure.

"I've been ready," she replies and he loses it.

He presses into her, hissing as he glides in with ease. She was right, she was beyond wet and ready. He goes in deeper. He imagined she'd felt good, but not this much. He can't think of anything, just the need to fill her up as he thrusts in and out. He lets out a groan when he finally cums as well.

Hyunjin pulls him in for a kiss before he collapses on top of her. "I love you," he blurts out without thinking, still breathless and panting on top of her.

He tenses, wondering if she heard him or maybe fallen asleep because she doesn't answer right away like he expects. Much to his own relief, he feels her smile.

"Good because I love you too."

[anamartinezblogs-blog]

Internet Safety

The internet is a source for thousands of things. It is a source for information that you didn’t know, school work, work in general, and even just to watch funny cat videos to pass time. You even use it right now to read this blog! Anyways, we all know all the great things about the internet, right? Well, its time for me to open up your eyes and tell you all the dangers and precautions you should know about using the internet. In this blog, I will tell you what online scams are, different types of online scams and how to avoid them, how to stay safe on social media, and finally some fun facts. Hope you enjoy!

Online Scams

With the internet constantly growing and changing, a LOT of people are starting to use it in their everyday lives. I hate to break it to you, but not all of these people use the internet for good. Sometimes, people use it to get money from others or to trick others into doing something. This is what you call an online scam. An online scam is a scheme online that tries to trick people into doing things that can benefit the tricker and/or harm the victim. There are MANY different types of online scams, each getting worse and worse. There are prize scams, money scams, friendship/romance scams, and lastly fraud scams. It’s a bit overwhelming seeing all these types of scams that you’ve never heard about before, so I’ll now explain what each of those is and give some advice about how to avoid them. 

Prize Scams-  When using the internet, you may come across a sidebar or an advertisement saying that you won something. Prize scams include online lottery scams, scratchie scams and travel scams. These scams inform you that you have won a prize (eg. a large sum of money, shopping vouchers, a free holiday or travel related products), and to claim it you are asked to send money or provide personal information. You may be excited to win something, but beware! 99.999% of the time, these “prizes” aren’t even real! The whole trick is to make you want the prize, and then to make you give them your address. That is a HUGE no-no because by giving them your address, you are now vulnerable for your home to be reached by any random person online. You can avoid this type of scam by simply not believing that you won anything unless you hear it from a source you know for A FACT is legit. 

Money Scams- Sometimes when you are online shopping, you come across a website that has exactly what you want and a great price. You might think “wow! I can’t believe this is so cheap and convenient! I’m definitely going to buy this!” However, that’s exactly what the scammer wants you to think. The whole point of the scam is so that you put your credit card information on the website thinking that it will buy you what you want, but then next thing you know the things you bought never show up and you are missing hundreds of dollars! These scammers trick you into putting your credit card information, meaning they can now buy anything they want with it. Scary right? Well, there are many ways you can avoid this. You can make sure that it is a legit website with reliable customer reviews, and always shop from places like Amazon or eBay that you know are not a scam. 

Friendship/romance scams- Have you ever went online and found someone really cool to talk to? Maybe you even wanted to meet them in real life and start a relationship with them, whether it’s a romantic one or a friendship one. Well, I’m sorry but that is one of the most dangerous things you can do in your entire life! On the internet, you never really know who is on the other side of the chat or what they really want to do with you. Even if they tell you that they are who they say they are or even send pictures, never ask to meet them or tell them any personal information. Try avoiding online chats with people you don’t know in the first place, but if you do come across one, make sure you know the motto “Stranger danger!” and never send out any personal information. It may actually save your life. 

Fraud Scams- This is a big one. Everyone in their life has come across a fraud scammer some way or another. A fraud is someone who pretends to be someone else, and they don’t say who they actually are. There are many different types of fraud scams on the internet. I actually have some experience dealing with this kind of scam. One time, I was online looking for a babysitting job, and some lady contacted me saying she has 2 kids that need babysitting. She then sent me a  $2000 through the mail saying I was getting “pre-paid”, but then told me that I needed to send her 1500$ online. She did this because once you send money online, it immediately becomes available. Guess what though? THE CHECK WAS FAKE!! She was about to earn 1500$ and rid me of $2000 (that I didn’t even have)! Now don’t worry, I knew this was a scam so I didn’t follow along with it, but it still could have ended badly. These types of scammers do this to a bunch of people every day online, and my story was just a little something so you would know what it would be like. Never trust someone online when it comes to money!

Fraud scams continued- That’s not the only type of fraud scam. The first type was people pretending to be someone else trying to get your money, but the second type I’m about to explain is when scammers don't try to get your money, but they pretend like they already have your money. Say you’re doing something online, and somehow someone out there has access to your credit card and ID. With access to these things, they could literally pretend to be you and use all of your money! Anyways, you can avoid these types of scams by NEVER letting anyone online see any of your property that proves who you are (such as passport, ID, credit card etc). Scams like this easily ruin people’s lives, and you don’t want to be one of those people, do you? Follow my tips and you won’t be! 

How to be safe on social media

Now that I’ve covered the main issue on online scams, it is time to talk about something we all know a lot about. Social media! These days, people of all ages have many social media accounts. It is a great way to stay in touch with friends, look at trendy things, and see some celebrities around the world. Social media is great and all, but I think we all need to be educated on how to be safe when using it. In this section of my blog, I will tell you some tips about using social media and how to be safe with it. Enjoy!

Instant messaging- Always make sure that you are talking to who you think you are. You want to avoid any fraud scams (people saying they are someone else). Always be careful about what you send someone else because if it gets in the wrong hands you could get into some serious trouble. There is a little rule I like to follow, and I hope you’ll follow it too. It goes like this- “if you wouldn’t want your parents, teacher, or priest to see what you are sending, then don’t send it!”

Posting Pictures- When you are posting a picture online, remember to make sure you know that basically anyone can see this picture. This means that you can’t have any personal information showing, such as your address, phone number, credit cards etc. Also, keep your pictures appropriate for all audiences. It’s better to make your account private so that people you know can see this, and not just random strangers.

Using Strong Passwords- This should go without saying. If someone hacks into your social media account, then they can post anything they want and send any message they want pretending to be you. This can really harm your reputation and may even be dangerous to you because of how much personal information is on your account. Just use a strong password no one can guess and you’ll be fine. 

Know who is on your account- Always know who is following you and who can see the things you post. If it is someone you don’t know, block them. If it is someone you do know, talk to them in person about it to confirm that it is their real account and not a fake one. It is very important that you are aware of who can see who you are because it is very dangerous to be vulnerable to strangers. It’s best to have a private account and closely manage your followers. 

Fun Facts about the internet

There are currently seven people who hold the key to the internet. In the case of any event which makes the internet shut down, these 7 people have a key to reboot its internal part.

All of us are familiar with browser names like Mozilla Firefox and Internet Explorer. But the very first and popular web browser was known to be Mosiac which started its services in the year 1993 and was a major part of internet till 1997.

 The Internet has gained about 5 million users in just 5 years. It took 13 years for TV to gather these many users.

There are over 1 billion internet users today which is about 20% of the world’s population.

An average surfing session lasts about only 51 minutes.

Sweden has the most number of internet users across the world with about 75% of the population using it.

The satellite-based internet availability has made it possible to access the internet all over the world. Still there are certain countries like North Korea and China who are denied access by the government.

It is estimated that people who use social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter are likely to spend their 10% of a lifetime on it.

Asia is a continent with the largest number of internet users.

19% married couple meets online, making it a suitable marriage bureau.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog and learned something about the internet and how to be safe with it. Remember the information about online scams and social media so you can stay safe on the web! Thanks for reading, and good luck out there on the web!!

[kmindset]

The Monsters In All of Us: Two (M)

Member: Vampire! Jungkook AU

Summary: Shh! Just read it

Word Count: 2119

Warnings: Mature content, Slightly NSFW, slightly graphic

A/N: Don’t forget, I post this story on AO3 now as well I recommend reading it ter because this got posted a few days ago and I just forgot to post the whole thing here. Username: kmindset Anyway, enjoy!

“The hunt has to be worth it tonight, Kook. I’m not stalking around in five-inch heels for another high cholesterol half-wit.” Moisturizing your face was the easiest part of the night so you rubbed it in like a light massage.

“It will. It’s opening night at that vegan bar and grill.” He bent down to rest his chin on your head. “Most of them are pretty pretentious but worth it.”

You chuckled. Tonight you and Jungkook were doing one of your favorite things Poly Baiting. Scouring night spots for vulnerable humans looking for a fun time with the both of you was horrible, very much so, but you are vampires. You have to eat too and sometimes animal blood from the butcher shop isn’t satisfying enough.

“Why are you even bothering with that? You look as youthful as the day I spotted you through your Sseugae chima.”

“Because it smells goods and what kind of youthful looking woman am I without skin care products?”

“Hm, true.” He leans down to wrap both arms around your shoulders from behind. “Even if you looked as old as you are you would be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

You chuckled. “One, “thing”? How specist of you. Two, if I looked as old as I am I would be bones, skin, and hopefully some hair.” You turned your head to look in his eyes. His carmine pupils drawing out a fresh wave of lust. Your hand stroked his cheek sweetly. “Thank you, sweetie.”

By the time you get there the place is packed.

There are people in trendy outfits on the dance floor at one end and other people enjoying their meals at the opposite end.

“The irony is so strong I can taste it.” You snicker.

He holds your hand, walking first. “I don’t taste anything, so let’s hurry this up.”

The music sets a fun vibe in the building making even you want to dance but Jungkook is focused on one thing. Razor sharp senses refocus. Many of those around you seem to be a good enough crowd. Some older yet trendy with a contrasting group of confused looking men sat next to a rather happy looking man. ‘Hmm, poor dears got dragged here.” you think. For a moment you contemplate setting your fangs on them but by their disgust, at the appetizer, their friend is tearing into you suspect they’re suffering enough.

“Hello!” A cheerful young man with light hair and a button with the logo greets you and shows you to an open area with a few couches. There are people lounging around and deep in their food or their own conversations.

“Hi!” A woman with two ponytails immediately greets you.

“Hi!”

“How long have you been vegan?”

Years of lying for food and general survival having you speaking a lie in no time flat. “Ah, I’m actually vegetarian looking to go vegan and my fiancee’ here is-”

“Disgruntled and hungry for anything.” He interrupts with a mocking smile. However, the woman doesn't even pick up on his ridicule as she continues smiling. A naive one and a vegan. Jackpot!

“From the reviews of the original building in Incheon, it’ll turn you vegan for sure!” She rambles on about her 6 years as a vegan and the struggle of being vegan in Korea. You’re barely paying attention when you feel Jungkook tense beside you. He seems off-put by something but you don’t smell anything. You choose to ignore him and continue chatting up the girl whose name you’ve already forgotten. Jungkook’s clairvoyance usually doesn't tense him up unless there is something unusual or bad going on and by the grip he has on your shoulder, it can’t be good. Luckily, the chatty woman excuses herself to the restroom.

Before you could even turn to him he whispers. “Something’s not right here.”

“Is it little Miss “Vegan is Better”? Because she won’t be a problem for much longer.”

He shakes his head with a deep frown. “It’s something else. I feel another in pain.”

Jungkook’s senses are so strong he can sense the pain of family and nearby vampires. A handy power for avoiding hunters and aiding your kind.

“Hunters possibly?”

He nods slowly. “We should leave.” He takes your hand to guide you out. Near the exit, the chatty woman blocks your path.

“Hey, you guys! This is my boyfriend, Rod.” She finally takes notice of your path. “Leaving already?”

“Yes. Really sorry, bit of an emergency.” You swipe her phone from her hand, quickly typing out your number in her notes with ‘Y/N: aspiring vegan’ next to it.

“We should meet up sometime and you can help me go vegan.”

Jungkook discreetly tugs on the back of your jacket in quiet urgenance. You guess the sense has gotten stronger.

She nods with an excited smile and waves you goodbye.

Once you are out the door Jungkook says. “It was him.”

You turn back in confusion of who ‘him’ is and meet the eyes of Vegan girl’s boyfriend.

He was staring back at you with a pointed glare.

Him.

“How could he be a hunter? I couldn’t smell him!”

“I don’t know! I’m freaked out as well!” Your husband is sat on the couch with head in his hands. It had been decades since you had seen him this worried. You were stood over him, stroking his hair gently. “It wasn’t a strong smell but I felt something else before the whiff. It was as if he was somehow blocking his scent. But barely.”

Jungkook’s state of distress was something you rarely saw. The scariest of times being when you were pregnant with Harley and hunters were hot on your trail from your increased bloodlust.

For a while, you thought about assimilating just to make it easier on Jungkook. Two of your sisters still lived in London from the days of King Henry VIII. They choose to stay for the better acceptance of your kind. In fact, your mother moved there with your father after her second husband was staked in Vegas and remarried your father.

“Should we report this back to Feratuan?” you ask.

He thinks for a moment. “Not yet. No need to alarm anyone for no reason.”

“No reason!? A hunter concealed his scent Jungkook! And by the way, he was looking at me you would have thought I was the one with the smell! And I guarantee you all that fucker should have been smelling is Light Blue by Dolce and fucking Gabbana!”

“Lily is here.” He announces calmy before you heard a light knock. A sign passes your lips as you cross your arms in annoyance.

“Come in.”

“Hey.” She comes in with a solemn look. Obviously, her paternally inherited clairvoyance picked up on something.“What’s going on?”

You looked to Jungkook to answer.

Her worried father sighs heavily. “We don’t know. We think a hunter was concealing his scent and that somehow he knew what we are.”

Your daughter’s eyes widened in fear. “Oh my god! Seohyun said that happened to her the other day!”

“Who?” Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed identically to yours, both confused and alarmed.

“My friend! She’s a first gen. Only on her 2nd lifetime. She was attacked a few weeks ago!” Your mouth hung open. “It happened outside the library in Hongdae. She said she was waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up but she was attacked from behind. When her father asked why she didn’t hide or prepare herself she told him she didn’t smell them coming. It wasn’t until they were way too close that she could faintly smell them.”

“Oh my goodness! How did she escape if it was multiple?” Jungkook questioned.

“Luckily her boyfriend showed up. He’s a first gen too but on his 10th lifetime.”

“10? After 9 is when I lost count,” you mumble, momentarily distracted from the matter at hand.

Jungkook nods at his daughter’s words in understanding. Generally, vampires on a higher lifetime have had enough experience to ward of multiple hunters but an attack could still lead to death. “While you’re here, alone, we need to speak to you.”

She nods slowly and lowers to the adjacent couch.

“Your mother and I noticed Daniel’s marks. Every time we see him he seems to have a new injury. He seems fine with it yet when we ask how it happened the boy can’t seem to remember.” He explains in his best and seldom sed ‘authoritative father’ voice.”I’m not going to bullshit, Se Yeon, you know good and well what I’m leading to.”

The barely matured vampire purses her lips. She straightens up in hopes of seeming confident but you know better. More than one hundred and fifty years of motherhood and a maternal and vampiric need to protect your children has made you more than knowledgeable about all of your children. Currently, your daughter’s body language was telling you that she was trying to seem unafraid of her father’s intense gaze but inside was rather frightened and a little ashamed of the evident disappointment that he was not making an effort to hide.

“Se Yeon,” you spoke carefully, not too gentle yet still stern. “We aren’t angry. We just want to know if what we’re suspecting is true.”

If any of your hearts naturally beat there would have been many between when your heart actually did and when she spoke. “It didn’t start out so carelessly. I hadn’t fed in a few days, I am not sure if it was sheer laziness or a distaste for the crowd the weather brought, but I was stagnant.Daniel stopped by and noticed my color. He assumed I was sick and insisted on “caring for me”. I tried to tell him to leave after he brought me some horrendously made chicken soup and useless medicine. Finally, he resolved to cuddle with me. “Cuddles are the most effective meds my darling.” She mocked his words but you saw the smile she held for a brief moment. “In my carelessness and intense need for him to shut the hell up, I allowed him to lay his head on my chest.”

Jungkook was still listening intently and rather impatiently, for the point but you already had your hand over your face. “He didn’t hear a heartbeat.” you finished for her.

She nodded. “It took a moment but right when I thought he was falling asleep he sat up! It caught me off guard, my fangs nearly released. He started freaking out about how this was really bad and I needed to go to the hospital quick! There was no way to calm him and I could only think of one thing to do. So, I played along and acted as if I was afraid. I asked him to hold me. That brought him down enough to stop yelling. He pulled me in to hug me and I buried my face in his neck and…” she gestured outwardly and the two of you nodded for her to continue. “I took just enough to put him out, licked it to heal, and when he woke up he was back on my chest and I had a heartbeat.”

“Courtesy of him.” Jungkook quipped. You nudged him to be quiet.

“It was enough for him though. I asked if everything was alright and she told me about his crazy dream that I didn’t have a heartbeat. I told him everything was fine and let him hear my heartbeat. I was so scared though I told him I wanted to be alone. It was too close a call.”

Jungkook stood and rubbed his neck before ruffling his hair, a frustrated habit. “That doesn’t explain the multiple other marks, Se Yeon.”

Her eyes drifted to the floor. You moved to sit by her and held her hand in gentle encouragement. “It was addicting. S-Something about it was delectable and...familiar? I honestly don’t even know why the urge to drink from him is so strong but it’s as if-” she paused, her head shook as if she wasn’t even comprehending her actions or the taste. “It’s as if I don’t want anything else.”

Her eyes stayed on the floor as if searching for some type of answer but your worried ones drifted up to your husband’s. He was focused on her. His eyes held so many things and you knew he would never admit any of those things to his children, especially Lily, but this went far beyond the problems of your subspecies. This was a father’s worry.

He was willing to do anything and everything for them and for you. But he wasn’t sure what yet.

Additional author’s note: Sorry I forgot to add that in addition to new chapters of the story I’ve also posted the dictionary for this story to help you all understand certain words I use for this fic as well as a side story that is just Jungkook and Y/N with lots of fluff, angst, and SMUUUUUUUUT that I won’t be posting here. Pleeeeeease, go check it out. AO3 username: kmindset

[thestraggletag]

La Chacarita, a Rumbelle Revelry Fic

Rating: PG

Word Count: 4,557

Summary: The closer we are to the dead, the closer we are to Death.

Prompt Used: Being Hunted.

A/N: The story is based on an actual urban legend here in Buenos Aires. It is so particular to here and to what really makes Chacarita so... unique that I couldn’t really set it elsewhere. It’s been great getting to write something set in my home city and I tried to give it a Buenos Aires feel without hitting you over the head with references 24/7. Enjoy!

For visuals to help with the story go here.

The weather was the worst of it. Hot and humid to the point that he'd been forced to retire his waistcoats and pull out his less-used suits with more breathable, less weighty fabric but an easy-to-crease finish. He outright refused to wear linen, clinging to cotton instead, but it was unpleasant nevertheless. The heat wasn't a problem as much as the humidity was, an ever-permanent fixture of the city. The people were overly-friendly, knowing little about personal space. Every new person he met, however fleetingly, he was expected to kiss on the cheek, never mind he'd barely touched another human being for years. They drove like mad people, though pedestrians seemed to manage around that fact just fine, and every fucking day there was some sort of street protest that made navigating the city at all an impossible matter. Buenos Aires was, in Gold's opinion, a fucking nightmare. And yet Neal had loved it enough to relocate his entire life there. And to specify he wanted to be buried there, instead of being shipped back to Storybrooke... to him.

They had parted in such bad terms. He'd never forget the look on Neal's face, not of anger but of disappointment. Their relationship had always been strained ever since he'd gone away to college, and gotten the first glimpse of the big, big world. Suddenly Storybrooke wasn't enough, and going back home for the holidays became stifling. The moment he'd graduated he'd gotten work as a photographer in New York and hadn't looked back. He'd been angry at first, resentful of the easiness with which Neal had turned his back on him. Later he'd grown remorseful of having pushed Neal away in his resentment, but by that time their relationship was forever strained. After some years of nothing but tense holiday phone-calls and the occasional text Neal had reached out and Gold thought it was the beginning of something better.

But then Neal had told him of his plan to travel and work his way through the world and he'd grown mad. Livid, even. Neal hadn't gotten angry, as it was usually the case with one of his spats, but he had quietly told him that he couldn't stay put forever. Didn't want to live scared of the world like him.

It was like hearing Milah all those years ago, spitefully calling him a coward. Only it was his son, who used to look up to him so, saying it with quiet disappointment.

After that there had been radio silence for a couple of years. He followed his blog avidly, reading about his travels in Asia and Central America before he seemed to settle down in Montevideo and, later, Buenos Aires. And he made the city look good, with its mixture of French and Italian architecture and its sunny weather. A few months later, when he'd called, he'd been ecstatic. Neal had urged him to fly to Argentina, to take a long-overdue vacation. And though he hadn't said no he'd kept postponing it, never quite booking a flight.

And then Neal had died.

He hadn't known he was sick, hadn't known anything until a friend of his had e-mailed him with the news of his death and burial. After a night of drinking and crying he'd turned his grief into action and tried to get the body back to the US, to bury him at the local cemetery where he'd always be able to take care of the gravestone and the memories. But Neal had left an airtight will and specific, recorded instructions regarding his burial. And for some reason he'd wanted to be laid to rest at the other end of the world... that, Gold thought, was a reflection of how much his son hated him.

He was quick to set everything up with his lawyers and accountant for an extended leave from the US, getting into contact with a reliable Argentine firm to handle his taking possession of Neal's things. He'd been renting an apartment in a trendy neighbourhood called Palermo, near the Botanical Gardens, which appeared often on his blog. He toyed with the idea of staying in the apartment, which was apparently paid till the end of November, but thought it'd be too much, choosing instead to book a nice suite at the Marriott-Plaza, in the posh Retiro, overlooking the sprawling mass that was Plaza San Martín. He had to admit the city was bursting at the seams with green, the kind he'd seldom seen before. Plant life sprouted from every nook and cranny, the street lined with trees. He'd arrived in time to see an event his son had documented in detail: the flowering of jacaranda trees, which lost all their leaves to make room for what seemed like thousands upon thousands of small, bell-shaped lavender flowers, that ended up forming a purple carpet on the sidewalks and streets. It was beautiful, heat and humidity and all, but it rankled at him. Beauty and cheer seemed out of place for what he'd come to Buenos Aires to do, put his son's affairs in order and ship what remained of him to the States. He'd decided he'd pick some personal belongings, put them in a coffin and bury them and Storybrooke Cemetery so he'd have a place to go to, something to visit.

Stepping into his son's apartment was hard. It was full of him, of his personality and quirks. Deciding what to keep and what to donate occupied most of his time, and it was when he was trying to decide what to do with the potted plants on the balcony that he met Neal's neighbour, Belle French. At first it was the delicious luxury of speaking to someone in fluent English that drawn him in- most Argentinians spoke it, thankfully, but their choppy, Italian-sounding accent grated on his nerves, reminded him of where he was and why he was there. Belle French had a charming Australian lilt, a mixture between posh British and something wild, and had been in Buenos Aires for a few years. She was a bit younger than him, in her early forties probably, with brown hair and startling blue eyes. She had a soft yet pushy way about her, and had introduced herself immediately upon spotting him in the balcony, acting like she'd somehow been expecting him. She'd completely disregarded his social awkwardness, immediately inviting him to her apartment for a cup of tea- tea, good tea, was hard to come by in a city of coffee lovers, but Miss French told him of a gem in Avenida Corrientes called El Gato Negro, whose loose tea, he had to admit, was exquisite- and some medialunas- and God, were medialunas good.

From then on, she'd been a staple of his days, sometimes the only person he held a conversation with all day. He knew of her before, of course. Neal had mentioned her often, in her blog and in conversations, to the point that he'd at first thought that he'd harboured a bit of a crush for her. Later he'd started dating a rather stunning blond and so he'd dismissed his original impression.

But it was clear Belle and Neal had been close, from how she talked about him. And as a different picture began to form itself in his head Gold grew resentful and angry. She'd acted as a sort of a guide for Neal, and later on the implication was that she became a sort of mother-figure, a parent to the still-young Neal. Other than Neal's girlfriend, a close-lipped American who seemed reluctant to tell him anything about his boy's last few months, Belle was the only source of information he had about Neal in Buenos Aires excluding his blog, and she seemed both willing and able to help with the details regarding dealing with Neal's will and his personal belongings. There was an air of loss about her that he found both comforting and insulting, a part of him feeling he ought to be to only one mourning Neal in any meaningful way. He had raised him, had thrown his childhood birthday parties, had walked him to school on his first day, had sat by his bedside whenever he'd been sick...

Only that last part wasn't entirely true. Only Belle French had been the one to sit by his bedside the last time, the most meaningful one. She'd shared with him of his son's last days, of the peace that had seemed to envelop him and he'd hated and loved her for telling him, for knowing he needed to hear it.

She became so indispensable to his efforts, and so vital in the way she could account for Neal's last days and could help him navigate everyday life in Buenos Aires that as much as he wanted to push her away he didn't. Or so he told himself every time he sat down in her living-room- or was it a library? Every room in her home seemed like a library- listening to her tell him about her happenings at her job in the AACI library, funny anecdotes about Neal or sometimes more hard-to-swallow details about his illness. She'd always break out some of the nicer patisserie treats when he enquired about his son's last days, as if she sought to soften the blow with cañoncitos and masas finas. And then, whenever he found himself lowering his defences, whenever he seemed too tired to hold on to the inexplicable, unreasonable animosity he felt towards her, she'd say something about Neal, pointing out a preferred masita, a particular taste or habit he'd acquired in Buenos Aires, and he'd retreat instantly, anger coiling again in his gut.

His attraction to her, rather than lessen the dark turn of his thoughts, seemed to enhance it. The way he sometimes caught himself staring at her hair, the way it softened her rather sharp features and contrasted with her eyes, the way he got a little thrill every time she smiled or chuckled at one of his rather dark jokes, it all seemed to only make him angrier at her, more resentful. Neal was his ghost to mourn, his child to grieve, and yet Belle spoke of him as if he was her own too, as if she'd gotten to know what being a parent was like in the measly time she'd shared with Neal as an adult. It didn't work that way, it didn't. For better or worse Gold was Neal's parent, irreplaceable and definite.

He hadn't planned on telling her so, had remained resolute to keep it to himself. And it was strange how he found himself breaking that resolution not in a moment of anger but in a moment of strange tenderness. Belle had offered to show him some pictures Neal had sent to her via WhatsApp, pictures he'd never seen before, and had left for a moment to use the bathroom. Gold, guiltily, had scrolled down the conversation, eager for one more glimpse of Neal's personality, his easy-going nature. And there he'd noticed that Neal called Belle "Mama". And though he knew, he knew, it was likely some sort of inside joke, some horrible, petty part of him roared awake.

What had followed after that felt like a bad dream. He'd cut right into Belle, into what his manipulating, scheming nature had noticed. He'd torn into every weakness, had used every bit of his abilities to forcefully push her away, rip her from whatever place she'd attached herself to, somehow.

"He was my family, mine. Yours is long dead but this is my pain to suffer, my loss. I'm sorry you're alone in the world, dearie, but you had no right to take advantage of my son's nature and weasel your way into a family."

The moment he said it he knew that he'd gone too far, that he'd crossed a horrible line out of fear. Belle's face had gone completely blank in a way that was unnatural in someone so expressive. She had then calmly taken her phone from him, told him she'd see him to the cemetery when he was ready and walked out. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of her since then and tried to tell himself it was for the best, in the end. He'd stayed too long in Buenos Aires, had lingered too long where the memory of his boy's last days was. He needed to say goodbye, a proper goodbye, and be gone.

La Chacarita could not be avoided any longer.

The neo-classical entrance was a pale pink, washed out by the sun and turned into an almost peachy colour. He was almost sure that, like all other old buildings, it had originally been painted with a mixture of blood and lime, but it seemed more than a bit tacky to have done so to a cemetery entrance. The cemetery itself had apparently been created in a rush to house the remains of victims of the 1871 yellow fever epidemic. Unlike its posh counterpart, La Recoleta Cemetery, La Chacarita was... rawer, far less polished. There was an air of pathetic decay about it even if it was well-kept by the city. Some pantheons were veritable works of art and others were old, dilapidated mausoleums crammed together into diminutive, spectral cities of tombs. But by far the most garish sight was that of the "nichos", veritable walls of tombs, small squares with nothing but a plaque to identify the remains. Some looked clean, with small flower arrangements attached, while others looked abandoned and some of them were smashed open, the corpses, hopefully, long removed.

When Belle turned towards one of the sunnier, neater parts of the cemetery he sighed in relief, knowing that seeing his son's name in one of those ghastly niches would have broken him. He'd bought a rather large flower arrangement, a bright collection of chrysanthemums, and he made a big deal of arranging them in the vase he'd brought with them, after Belle managed to find a tap to fill it up. The quiet of the moment unnerved him. Belle was naturally prone to chatter, or to in some way communicate, whether with her body language or otherwise, but she remained closed off from him, either smarting from their fight or giving him what she thought he wanted. What he'd thought he wanted.

It made it real, seeing Neal's grave. It was nice and modest and his name was spelt correctly. It was also heavily decorated with polaroid stills, drawings and posts its with final messages, all the marks of someone who'd been well-loved. And that reminder of how social and outgoing Neal had been, how different from him, warmed him a bit.

After a while Belle left his side, though he knew she was hanging around. It gave him the opportunity to whisper all his regrets into the still-fresh soil of his son's grave, tell him of all his mistakes and how sorry he was. He talked until he was hoarse, until he could not think of anything left to say. After years of pauses and silences he'd finally been allowed to say his peace.

But Neal would never get to say his.

It felt like a job half-done, like he'd almost had that one last conversation with his son, but not at the same time.

At some point Belle came back to his side, and he could tell without much looking at her that she'd soften towards him. He must have looked downright pitiful, the way he'd been bawling his eyes out and kneeling all day, making his limps heavier than ever before. He didn't begrudge her support when she leant it, though he resented her better nature. It was darker than he'd imagined it'd be, and the outside of the cemetery was deserted but for a newspaper stand in which an old couple drank mate. It took the longest time to see any signs of a taxi, even though the crossroads of Avenida Corrientes and Federico Lacroze was one of the popular exists to the cemetery, and they'd almost given up when one appeared as if of nowhere. Usually taxis in the city were new-but-not-much Renault models, with some Peugeots scattered about, but this one was an old Ford Falcon, kept in rather pristine condition. Though it sported a taxi medallion it did not have one of the tell-tale signs that indicated it belonged to a radio-taxi company and he'd been advised to avoid such for fear of robbery. But it was late and the taxi driver looked old, thin and tame and stared fixatedly at him when he pulled up instead of shying away from possible future recognition.

"No, señor, no, no ese taxi. José, José, paralos, por Dios!"

The lady in the newspaper stand seemed to be pitching a fit as they pulled out of the street, calling for her now-absent male companion as if there was some sort of emergency. Everyone shouted in Buenos Aires, for the stupidest sort of reasons. It was a loud city full of crass, loud people. And now that he'd visited his boy he could finally make plans to leave. He hadn't gotten around doing a lot of the things he'd read about on Bae's blog, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He felt... empty. Casting a furtive look to Belle on the other side of the backseat he saw she'd closed her eyes and was apparently trying to sleep. He'd run himself ragged the past few weeks seeing to Neal's things but so had she, every day for weeks after work. And he'd thanked her by reminding her that she had no family to call her own. By taking Neal away from her.

An uncomfortable wave of guilt washed over him, making him squirm. To busy himself he buttoned his suit jacket up, feeling cold creeping into his very bones. For an old Ford Falcon the AC system was state of the line, silent enough that he couldn't pick up on it and dreadfully good at lowering the inner temperature of the cab. He stared out the window at what looked like an almost deserted street, few cars passing them by, getting the strangest urge to fall asleep.

A glance at the sideview mirror on his side, though, caught his attention and woke him up: amid the sleek, usually grey- Argentinian's cars were all diverse shades... of grey- cars there was a smaller, older model, speeding down the street at an amazing, chaotic sort of speed, its lights flashing. A feeling of dread came over him, especially as the cab began to take turns only for the car to follow along, reckless as ever. At some point it began to honk, and fully-fledged fear took over Mr Gold. His harsh childhood and difficult adolescence had geared in him a survival instinct, the ability to sense danger on a deep, primal level. And it had never flared before quite like it was then.

"Belle, I'm sorry, but could you tell the driver... Belle?"

He first noticed one streak of grey hair, then another, until he counted at least five. The change to her fully-brown hair was so stark he didn't notice at first how pale she looked, and how gaunt. When he raised a trembling hand to touch her the skin beneath the pads of his fingers felt icy-cold. He tried shaking her but she didn't wake up or even stir. In a panicky half-English-half-Spanish he told the driver to get to the nearest hospital and though he got no reply the taxi began to go faster and seemed to change course. A quick glance back at the window, though, let him know the other car was still following them, having almost caught up to the backseat window. It was a beaten-up yellow Bug, the kind that he hadn't seen in years. Its colour was faded and looking directly at it made it seem blurry. The driver was a young man with shaggy hair and...

"Papa! Papa! Get out!"

It was Neal.

He wanted to talk, to shout and bang the window and tell the taxi driver to stop but it felt as if someone had drained the vitality out of him. Glancing at his reflecting in the window made him aware he, like Belle, was deathly pale, and gaunt.

"Papa, get Belle and get out of the cab! Jump out!"

Hearing his son panicking jolted Gold into action. A quick look at the rear-view mirror showed him what, for some reason, he'd not noticed till then: the cab driver was almost skeletal in appearance, eyes wide and black and skin tight against his bones. Whatever it was it didn't seem like it planned on slowing down, so he gathered his courage, unlocked the door on his side and held on to Belle, throwing himself and her out of the moving vehicle with as much care as possible. Even so the impact stole the air from his lungs, and all the strength he had left, leaving him with only enough to roll them both towards the safety of the sidewalk. A sharp glance around showed no sign of the taxi or the Yellow Bug, and it was only then that Gold allowed exhaustion to overtake him.

When he next opened his eyes, Belle was staring down at him, one of her hands gently combing his hair back. She looked pale still, but awake and smiling at him, relieved. With a bit of effort, having left his cane on the taxi, they got themselves on their feet, realising that, for some reason, the taxi had lead them back to the cemetery. It only took them a few steps to encounter the old couple in the newsstand again and the woman rushed to their side as soon as she saw them, shouting in Spanish and herding them towards where the older man was. He looked relieved and friendly enough, vacating his chair for Gold just as the old woman gently sat Belle down in hers. They said much, though most was lost on him. Belle listened, though, and slowly began to give him an idea of what the couple was saying.

"They tried to warn us about the taxi, apparently. It's... it's notorious here in Chacarita. Takes people from the cemetery, drives them around, and the next morning they're dead on the grave of whoever they were visiting. The cab... it senses... grief? It's attracted to it, somehow. They're surprised we're alive."

The couple shoved small glasses of a brown liquid smelling strongly of herbs in their hands. A sip told him it was Fernet, and though he hated it with as much passion as the Argies seemed to love it he had to admit it did a wonderful job of warming him up and soothing him. Belle sipped gently at hers, still intent on whatever the couple was saying.

"They want to know how we escaped... How did we? How did you know, how did you not fall asleep?"

Slowly, brokenly, he told her about what he'd seen. Told her of the yellow Bug, and Neal shouting for them to get out of the cab. When Belle went to hold his hand, he grabbed tight to hers, surprised when he noticed telling her about seeing Neal hadn't left him as raw and exposed as he'd feared. It was different with her, different for reasons he'd been trying hard to rage against. With his permission, she told the old couple, who seemed to nod wisely, as if unsurprised by the notion.

"Los de La Chacarita cuidan de los suyos. Su hijo debió haberlo querido mucho para poder manifestarse como lo hizo."

Belle's eyes went soft as she translated.

"She said the people from the Chacarita Cemetery... they look after their own. She said that your son must have loved you very much, to be able to manifest like he did. And he did. He told me so over and over, I want you to know that."

He managed a tremulous whisper of a smile at that.

"He was such a loving boy, always. I'm sorry for wanting to jealously keep it all to myself. I'm glad he knew you, I'm glad he loved you. And how could he not?"

Whether it was the near-death experience or the ghostly apparition of his son come to save him, something felt like it had changed on a fundamental level. He felt... freer than he had in a while, daring and open. The old couple fussed over them good-naturedly, showing the classical Argentine dislike for space that this time he found comforting. When they felt healthy enough they called a radio-taxi, checking twice to see that the cab driver looked normal and the taxi itself did as well. Gold gave the old man directions and for a while there was comfortable silence in the backseat, only interrupted once when Gold inhale deeply at having Belle's hand sneak into his and hold tight. He wondered again about all the times Neal had mentioned Belle, how he'd talked about her quirky humour, her love of books and antiques and her good looks and a new, funny idea occurred to him: Neal was playing matchmaker. And though of course it seemed to him utter foolishness to think someone like Belle would ever look his way he couldn't deny the way she looked at him sometimes, as if she wanted to explore him all over. With a sign such as that it felt almost easy to be brave for a change.

"There's a lovely ice-cream shop near my hotel, Rapanui. It's open until ungodly hours, and I think we could both use some sugar in our systems. Would you... I mean, would you let me treat you?"

Belle's smile was radiant, though it turned a bit shy as she tucked a few locks of hair behind her ear.

"I'd be happy to, if you don't mind being seen with an old lady. I will have to start researching hair dyes, though it certainly beats the alternative."

In for a penny, in for a pound, Gold traced some of the silver streaks, pleased when she seemed to lean into the touch.

"I rather like them, myself. They suit you."

He'd tell her so again over ice-cream, and in the days to follow. And she would finally believe him one night while out on the balcony of his hotel suite, him wearing a bathrobe and her the bedsheets, looking a bit like some untouchable Greek goddess. And below them the city would be noisy and bright and strangely beautiful, and they'd talk about buying seasonal tickets for El Colón and doing Gallery Nights on Friday, and Gold would tuck away the secret of having looked into the paperwork involved in staying in Argentina. Retiro had a sprawling, thriving antiques business, the food was heavenly and he'd begun to take Spanish lessons. The World Cup was fast approaching and as a true Scotsman he'd grown up rooting for whoever England hated the most, which usually meant Argentina. It was a horrible place, but it was also wonderful and he had lots of things from Neal's list still pending.

He still had a lot of life to live. Death would have to drive around the city and wait.

[janakimurali]

The world changed while I slept

I usually write two part stories for Deccan Herald’s school edition, but this time, the story extended to three parts and the story had an open-ending too, which gave me an opportunity to invite the kids to come up with alternate endings. And, did we get some interesting entries, which Imtiaz and the DHSE featured in the school edition.  

The world changed while I slept  Part One

 The mellow sunlight beaming through the open window created lovely patterns on the floor. Some birds tweeted from the tree outside. A cool aromatic breeze wafted in.

Mita woke up smiling. ‘What a lovely morning.’

She jumped off from her bed and looked out of the window.

What? What had happened to the Raintree?

The tall and wide raintree which grew outside her window had dwarfed into a bushy tree. It had millions of flowers, all tiny and sparkling like diamonds.

The birds looked different too. There were a variety of multi-hued birds, some small, some slightly bigger.  But all of them were as tiny as a sparrow. And was that really a sparrow? She hadn’t seen one in years.

What had happened? She blinked and rubbed her eyes and opened them again. The birds were still there. They tweeted softly, tinkling like musical tones floating in the aromatic breeze. She took a big whiff of the scented breeze, hmm, the air smelt fresh.  

She must be dreaming. She pinched herself. ‘Ouch, that hurt.  I am definitely awake.’

She ran out into the kitchen shouting, ‘Ma, Ma, did you see what happened to our tree…and the birds…and the air…it smells fresh.’

‘Shhh,’ said her mother, looking up from a screen, which seemed to be hanging in mid-air. The news snippets floated before her and once she finished reading it, she swiped the screen away. She seemed to be whispering to herself.

‘Whom are you talking to?’ asked Mita.

‘Shhh, don’t shout. I am talking to dad.’

‘But how are you talking to him, I don’t see your phone, do you have a Bluetooth connected to your ear?’ Mita said, lowering her voice.

‘You’re still too loud. Lower your volume, the neighbours will complain.’

‘What? Why would they complain?’

‘Because you’re loud. You know of the decibels rule.’

‘What decibels rule?’

Her mother sighed. ‘What’s wrong with you,’ her mom whispered. ‘The decibels rule is 100 years old. You know about how our neighbour’s son lost his ears, when his father suddenly sounded the car horn. Poor boy, he’s in hospital now, getting a new silicone ear and the father is in jail serving a sentence.’

‘Ma, what are you saying, what decibel rule, nobody split their ears yet to a car horn. If so, we should all have lost our ears to the blaring sound of car and motorcycle horns through the day and night - there’s so much noise pollution…’

Her mother looked at her as though she had lost her mind.

‘What noise pollution, nobody ever honks in our city.  Nobody ever speaks louder than a whisper,’ said her mother softly.

‘We just had Diwali, people were bursting crackers all around, all the stray dogs and cats ran for safety…’

‘What crackers, whoever bursts crackers?  And what strays, we don’t have any stray dogs or cats in our cities. The only animals in the cities are pets and none of them bark or mew or growl either – they are all quiet and peaceful animals,’ said her mother shaking her head.  ‘I told you we have no pollution whatsoever.  All the cars run on solar energy and we have had clean air for years and years.’

‘The trees, why are they shunted and…and the birds are smaller…the sparrow seems to have come back too?’

Her mother scoffed. ‘Who needs tall trees, they block the sunlight, all our trees are the same size, all their flowers are scented, so we get clean and aromatic air.  And, who wants predatory birds. All our birds are genetically modified. They only tweet musical notes. And, you’re still too loud, my ears are ringing with the noise.’

Mita opened her mouth and then closed it again.

‘And the newspapers, we have no newspapers either?’ Mita whispered. ‘I saw you reading from a screen suspended from the air, how…how does that work?’

‘It’s beamed from a satellite, directly to each home. We don’t need a television or a computer to receive it, we just need a smart home,’ answered her mother patiently. ‘And we don’t have mobile phones anymore, artificial intelligence in the smart homes connects us directly. ‘

Mita shook her head.  Something was wrong with her world…or should she say, something was finally right with her world. No print newspapers, which meant no trees were being cut. Perfumed shunted trees, smaller and cuter birds. Wow!  No noise pollution, no vehicular pollution and clean, scented air. She could live with that. She definitely wanted this world. She never wanted anything to change, ever.

‘But you still have to go to school, so get ready, while I get you farm fresh organic breakfast – we have nothing that has pesticides in them.’    

‘Farm fresh food, wow,’ said Mita.

She was smiling ear to ear as she ran to her room to get ready for school.

‘Wow, no gadgets, no pollution, farm fresh food, the world changed while I slept.’

To be Continued…

The world changed while I slept Part two

 Mita was living her dream.

 Every morning, she woke up and looked out of the window. The dwarfed tree with the white diamond flowers was still there, as was the tiny, colourful birds. The aromatic breeze still wafted in through her window as did the mellow sunlight. Mom still served farm fresh food and nobody had mobile phones or other gadgets.

 All the news was still streamed to them from satellites and there were no more noisy debates on any news channel. Their Artificial Intelligence in their smart home was called Zero. All they had to do was ask her anything and pat came the answer from Zero. She played music, turned on the TV channels, switched the lights on and off, fumigated their house and turned on the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine. Theirs was a zero-waste home, as all their waste was recycled.            

 Mita went to school in a solar powered school bus.  All the other vehicles on the road too were solar powered. Everyone car-pooled, so there were always random groups of strangers in each car. There were also fewer cars on the roads. The roads were smooth and pothole free. Nobody honked. There was no road rage, as the fine was very hefty if anyone lost their temper on the road.

 The familiar petrol bunks on the roads had given way to smart malls, where people were spoilt for choice. There were lots of video games in the sport pavilions, but everyone had to have headphones to play them. All the trendy garments in branded stores were free of child labour.  The food courts served only farm fresh organic food. All junk food was totally banned. The smart theatre complexes beamed movies directly to big screens which hung in the middle of the auditorium. People sat around in a circle and watched the movies. It somehow made it all look so cosy. All the loud stereophonic speakers in the theatres had been done away with and every movie goer was given headphones.  

 There was no crime anywhere in the city, girls and women could walk freely on the roads, without fear of being molested.

 ‘After all we won the annual award for being the most peaceful city in the world. And mind you, we have been doing so for the last ten years,’ said her mother.

 ‘You mean I can walk home at any time, without being afraid of my own shadow? Wow, that’s so cool,’ said Mita. ‘I am sure this is a dream, but I am not going to pinch myself, I want to stay in the dream.’

 Mita’s school had been transformed into a stunning green campus. There were cobblestoned pathways and a beautifully manicured lawn. Recycled water was used to water the lawns.

 The school had thought it best to stop all noisy sports, like basketball, volleyball or cricket, as crowd enthusiasm raised the collective volume decibels to beyond allowed limits. So, all sports courts had been converted into green walkaways.

 All the students wore soft rubber soled shoes, which made no noise as they went up escalators to the various floors. As stairs made too much noise, the school had converted all the stairs in the schools to noiseless escalators.  

 There were no scratchy, screechy chalks boards, teachers taught through screens that hung from the middle of the class room. Children sat around in cosy groups around the teacher. There were no desks as there were no text books or notebooks. No trees could be cut for paper, so everyone just memorised what was being taught.

 That’s what Mita loved best - no school books, so no heavy school bags to carry either.  

 ‘What about exams, how do we write them, how are we supposed to remember everything. There are no reference books, the school does not have a library anymore,’ Mita whispered to her friend, Rita, as they walked back from class.

 ‘How can we have libraries, we are not allowed to print and the school board had to do away with exams for the same reason. With a ban on paper and all gadgets, they had no clue how to set exams for the school children,’ Rita whispered back.

 ‘This sounds like fun, no books, no exams.’

 ‘But if you do want to recall anything, just ask Zero, she is your memory bank. Anyway, why do you want to remember everything, I take in only what I’m going to use later in life. I am not going to use calculus or geometry ever in my life, so I blank out during the maths class.’

 ‘Hmm. but I do miss my music class. I heard nobody is allowed to sing, play the drums or play any musical instrument, as the school is afraid it would raise the decibel levels.’

 ‘Naturally, the school does not want to lose its licence, crossing the decibels levels is a very serious offence. But why do you want to sing Mita, doesn’t Zero pipe in good enough music into your home?’

 ‘Yes, that Zero does, the softest, soothing and most melodious and tuneful music ever. But someone must have made those tunes, right?’

 ‘They’re a medley of all the music anyone has ever heard, The AI has dipped into all our memories and created music which people love to hear.’

 ‘Okay, but what about sports? Don’t you miss it, I know you’re a good basketball player.’

 Rita shrugged. ‘I play basketball video games at the malls and on my screen at home, but yeah I agree, it’s not the same.’

 ‘By the way, what year is this, it’s still 2018, isn’t it?’

 Her friend looked at her as though she was a stranger.

 ‘What’s wrong with you Mita, it’s 2118.’

 To be Concluded…

The world changed while I slept Part three

 So, this was no dream.

 Mita had been catapulted 100 years forward to 2118. Everyone around her was the same, her parents, her friends, her school. Yet, everything had changed. The world had changed while she slept – was it just a few days ago, a few weeks ago, a few months ago - or even 100 years ago? How was it that nobody had aged? She didn’t know anymore.  

 She learnt from Zero that the world’s scientists had found ways to beat climate change. Every city in the world now had the same climate – not too hot, not too cold, just the right temperature. There were no snowstorms, hailstorms, earthquakes or tsunamis. None of her friends at school even remembered them.  In fact, none of her friends remembered anything.  They never bothered to pay attention in class, as they could always go home and ask Zero about anything they needed to know.

 ‘Why does anyone even come to class, if they’re not going to pay attention?’ Mita asked Rita.

 Rita shrugged. ‘I come to school to meet my friends. You?’

 ‘I don’t know anymore. Nobody does anything. There is no library, no sports, no music, no…no debates anymore…don’t you miss them?’  

 Rita looked strangely at her.

 ‘And, you miss them?’

 ‘Of course, I do. Nobody at school talks about their dreams…or…or ambition? I wanted to write music and sing, now I find, I can’t do that anymore. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life.’

 ‘You’re a funny one, aren’t you? What ambition, what dreams? Everyone works for the system and Zero will allot our work for us, when its time.’

 ‘But why should Zero do that? She’s Artificial Intelligence, just a machine. Shouldn’t we have the choice?’

 ‘You’re going to get into trouble talking like this. Especially as your parents are the system.’  

 ‘What?’

 Mita was too shocked to say anything more. Her dad and mom were activists who had wanted a different world, pollution free and garbage free cities and a reversal of climate change. That was not wrong, was it?  She remembered they had led protest marches in the city, before…before all this. So how did they…when did they become the system?

 She soon found out that the reason her dad travelled so much, was because he was a trouble shooter and handled breakdowns of the system at various cities in India, China, America, Japan, Germany, Britain and Russia. And her mother was one of the many administrators in the system, which ensured everything in their city was as it should be.

 Mita wasn’t so sure she liked her perfect world anymore. She wanted to be able eat junk food sometimes, sing sometimes, laugh loudly at some joke her friends made and not worry about the decibels count all the time. More than anything else…she wanted…she wanted to be able to have a choice.

 But Mita kept her thoughts to herself, she wasn’t sure Rita or any of her classmates would understand. And she definitely couldn’t share her disquiet with her mom or dad. For, they were the system.

 ‘You’re very quiet now. You don’t ask any questions anymore?’ Rita asked one day, as they were waiting in line to collect their fresh organic lunch in the school canteen.

 ‘I…I don’t know what to think anymore.’

 ‘Come to the basement at 3 p.m,’ Rita whispered in an aside.

 ‘What’s happening there?’

 ‘Shh, just come.’

 When Mita went to the abandoned sports equipment room in the basement at 3 p.m, she had no idea what to expect, yet she was astonished to see so many of her fellow classmates from the tenth. The ninths were there, so were the eighths.  She even spotted a few sevenths.  

 ‘Come in Mita,’ said Rita. ‘Meet the Disrupters.’

 Rita stood at the head of the room along with a few other boys and girls from their class.  

 ‘We were not sure, we could trust you, for your parents are the system…’ began Rita, as she dribbled a basketball.

 ‘So, you do miss your basketball,’ said Mita smiling.  

 In the next hour, Mita learnt that the Disruptors met secretly every Thursday in the basement, as it was the only place, the school’s Artificial Intelligence spy network of drones and listening devices couldn’t reach. Like her, the Disruptors too were disturbed with their ‘too perfect world’ and wanted change.

 ‘We’re not saying we want to go back to 2018.  There are a lot of things which have worked well, like the pollution free cities. But we can’t have machines controlling our every move. Our free will has been taken away,’ said Surya, one of the boys in her class.

 ‘Hear, hear,’ said the other students in the room.    

 ‘Next, they will put a chip in our brains,’ said Rita.

 ‘What?’ said a shocked Mita.

 ‘The system is planning to do that supposedly to wipe out crime, but we suspect it is to ensure everyone conforms.’

 ‘But our thoughts are all we have.’

 ‘So, here’s what we are going to do…’ said Surya.    

 Concluded

Write your own ending:

 The World Changed While I Slept is an open-ended three-part story.  Read

all the three parts of the story and suggest your own alternatives to a better world.

 Write your ideas in 400 words and send them in to DHSE by December 20th. The best five entries will be featured in DHSE.

[ruffsficstuffplace]

Reunions (Part 18): Four To Win The War (1 of 3)

7:30PM, roughly an hour-and-a-half after Mal’s now infamous comment.

Kalila strode into a bar/lounge, a trendy, modern, niche establishment where the décor was mostly carefully cultivated flora from all around the states; the furniture was made out of wicker, bamboo, and driftwood; and many of the clients were smoking liquid concoctions with the help of handheld hookahs.

She turned heads as she strode on by in her sandals, breaking some out of passionate debates about choices of literature, films, music, and other forms of entertainment; getting a number appreciative looks, whistles, and compliments; and more than a handful of people taking pictures of her and asking their companions and social media about who she was, and where in the world did she get what she was wearing.

No one made a move to intercept her and speak with her, however, for underneath the expertly applied make-up that concealed the dark rings and the decades’ worth of wrinkles, the silky clothes flowing around her shapely body like mist, and the jewelry that kept her brown-gold hair in an elegant side-plait, they could sense the aura of a woman who had a very, very, very bad day.

If Raven noticed, she didn’t let it show. “Hey, Kali!” she said, waving as Kalila reached her table. “Do you mind if I call you Kali?”

“No, it’s actually quite nice,” Kalila said as she stepped into the chair opposite her. “Quite the step-up from ‘Whore of the Demon Scourge,’ that’s for sure.”

Raven raised an eyebrow. “Huh. Already feeling the effects of being roomed with Dog, huh?”

Kalila squeezed her eyes shut and groaned. “Yes, and please don’t say his name—nickname, pseudonym, whatever—again...”

Raven nodded. “Do you want to talk about it...?” she asked, reaching out and touching Kalila on her shoulder.

Kalila looked Raven dead in her eyes. “Raven, I understand you’re being polite, but believe me, you do not want my day was like,” she said in a calm, even tone.

Raven hummed. “And you assume I wasn’t being serious, too.” She smiled. “I’m your friend, Kali! Or I’d like to be considered as one by you, and friends let friends vent to them when they need it!”

Kalila debated for a moment, before she sighed. “Okay, what the hell: I’ll bite. On the condition that you don’t get to back out once I start.”

“Good thing I didn’t intend to stop listening until you let it all out!” Raven said, before she sat up and looked interested.

Kalila nodded, before she took a deep breath, and collected her thoughts. “It all started at 4AM, when some asshole burst through our window with a knife to try and cut up Dog, and didn’t realize all that glass would cut HIM up, too...” she started.

She went on to tell of the handful of other intrusions from would-be assassins, recruiters, and reporters for the rest of the early morning, to the point where she, Gareth, and Ted had went on to install a security system to safeguard their things and their room from new break-ins, before the latter two had to leave for their jobs in New Hope.

“Do you know what it’s like to be so out of fucks to give, that when someone breaks into your room and nearly gets his fingers sliced off by a trap made of fishing line, a reel, and a vacuum motor, you actually get bandages to keep him from bleeding all over your stuff, before you tell him which bunk is Dog’s so he can skip the overturning everyone else’s stuff?

“I do. It is not a pleasant state of being, I swear.”

She went on to her attempt to get breakfast, finding out that the other Islanders had put every single conceivable warning on their door, from painting the blood of animals around the frame, carving in symbols for “Danger,” “Doom,” and “Cursed Ground” on the door itself, and hanging a “Beware of Dog” sign that had the silhouette of the animal hastily repainted to resemble the man.

“It used to be I couldn’t walk into a common area without being mobbed by men and women, all wanting me or wanting to be near me, if they weren’t staring at the sidelines jealous or admiring from a distance.

“Now, they can’t get away from me fast enough.

“There’s always a line at the cafeteria, whenever a food truck comes in and we have more than just the usual oats, orange juice, terrible tea, and even worse coffee. People will fight for their place in line, or for someone else’s just for a chance of almost-about-to-expire corned beef hash.

“But not today. I had my pick of whatever was on offer, even if I needed to hop across the counter, and get it myself, because no wanted to serve me.”

She regaled Raven about going back up to her room, finding a new would-be intruder writhing in pain in the hall, foiled by the shock trap Ted installed in the doorknob. She stepped over him, and attempted to sleep the rest of the day away in the hopes that she might wake-up, and all of this would be a nightmare.

“Then, I woke up, saw your text asking me to meet up here, because apparently something big has happened to him that you think we can use to our advantage, and realized this was a nightmare, just one I won’t be waking up from, ever.”

Kalila took a deep breath, and sighed heavily. “So, with all that out of the way... what did you have in mind...?” she finished.

“That can wait for later,” Raven said, waving her off. “Do you need a hug...?”

“What I need are several alcoholic drinks,  or better yet, a time machine or spell, whatever will let me seduce the admin into giving me any room but 404,” Kalila said. She looked around. “This place is part bar, right?”

“Non-alcoholic, sorry, but the menu’s still really good!” Raven said.

Kalila sighed. “Then I’m sorry to say that it looks like you can’t help lift my mood... shall we get to business?”

Raven sighed and nodded. “Alright… so, just making sure here: you did read the news about what Mal just said about her dad, right?”

“No, I’ve been trying to avoid anything involving him,” Kalila replied. “What happened?”

Raven pulled out her phone, and loaded up the video. Kalila watched, smiling as it ended. “Well, if that isn’t the best news I’ve heard all day! So he’s going back to the Isle, right?”

“Kali!” Raven cried. “How could you say that about him?”

“Well, there is the fact that he’s been directly responsible for turning my new life here in Auradon into a living hell, just like he did back during the Great Isle War!” Kalila chirped.

“… Okay, yeah, you’ve got a point there! But look at it this way: as unfortunate it is that this happened, this is a huge opportunity for the company to branch into the Islander market, AND launch your career, AND do some good, all at the same time!” Raven said excitedly.

Kalila stared at her, before she groaned. “Raven, please don’t tell me you’re going where I think you’re going with this…”

“If you think I’m going with ‘Make you-know-who your male counterpart for our fashion lines, help convince Auradon that he’s reformed, and play a key role in helping him get back with his daughter,’ then no, I won’t tell you that,” Raven said.

“Are you shitting me right now?!” Kalila snapped. “You know his reputation, don’t you?”

Raven threw out her arms. “Who doesn’t?! But look: the fact of the matter is, he’s the hottest, most searched, and most attention-grabbing personality in Auradon right now, and is going to be for a long time yet! Wherever he goes, whatever he does, so long as it has his name on it, or he’s even remotely connected to the events, people are going to read it, and they’re probably going to want to check out who was with him, and who he’s associated with.”

Kalila crossed her arms. “You realize that there’s a stark difference between the benefits of being famous vs infamous, right…?”

Raven nodded. “I know. Which frankly makes this opportunity even better. The entire ‘Villain Kid’ Rescue Program and the Islander Rescue and Rehabilitation Initiative are more than just long-overdue justice—it’s the biggest redemption story ever told here in Auradon, and believe me, us Auradonians love ourselves our redemption stories!

“I don’t know about you, but the public will absolutely eat up and follow every single minute of a story about one of the most infamous and feared Islanders turning his back on his dark past, fighting the demons of his past to reconnect with his estranged daughter, and find a new, better life here in Auradon…

“… All with the help of his fellow reformed Islanders—like you—and his new native friends, like me!” Raven finished, beaming.

Kalila sighed. “Raven, I hate to break it to you, but men don’t change. Ever. I wouldn’t have gotten here—or even survived this long—if I didn’t accept that cold hard reality.

“I get it: you were raised on a diet of stories where love conquers all, good people triumph over wicked folks, and even the most terrible and corrupted souls can change for the better when you show them enough kindness, but me?

“My whole life was a constant lesson that love just isn’t enough, wicked folks fuck over good people with impunity on a daily basis, and putting faith, love, and effort in someone in the hopes that they will magically change for the better just ends in tears, and whole lot of wasted time.

“Sometimes worse.”

Raven’s bright and chipper aura dimmed. “Okay. Fine. You’ve got me on that. But still, it won’t hurt to give him a chance, will it?”

“Yes,” Kalila said flatly. “And just so you know, if I end up getting horribly murdered because you tempted fate like that, I’m haunting you and your family for all of eternity.”

“And if I promise I won’t try to have your restless spirit exorcised, or move somewhere where you won’t be able to haunt me or my descendants…?” Raven replied.

Kalila shot her a look, sighed, and shook her head.

Raven reached out and touched her arm. “Come on, Kali: what have you got to lose if you try to help him out?”

“My son, who I’ve been longing to have back in my arms for 15 years!” Kalila snapped.

“And what will it take to stay with your son?”

Kalila sighed, her shoulders drooping. “Prove I’m ‘dedicated to being a Good, productive, law-abiding citizen of Auradon...’”

“And how are you planning on being gainfully employed right now…?”

“Be a model for your brand,” Kalila replied.

“And why did I recruit you?”

“Because I’m sexy, charismatic, and your in to the Villain market...”

“And can we sell to the Villain market if they see you as a pariah and, I quote, ‘Whore of the Demon Scourge’?”

Kalila scowled. “No.”

“And how big is the bill you racked up which my company considered your advance, and an investment on their part that they want back eventually...?”

Kalila threw her hands up. “OKAY! FINE! I GET IT! I’ll give him a call, and tell him you want to offer him a job. And just that. Happy?”

Raven beamed. “Yes.”

Kalila got up out of her seat, and went to a quiet corner of the bar, where the concoctions they were smoking weren’t particularly offensive to her nose, and called Dog.

Somewhere in Ursula’s Strait, Dog stopped rowing, surprised that he still got reception this far out. “Hello?” he said.

“H..lo, Dog r..ht?” Kalila said, her voice faint and filled with static. “S.it, whe.. a.. you? Re..tion’s terri..e!”

Dog looked around, saw the silhouette of a cell tower off in the distance. “Give me a minute!” he said, before he put his phone down, and started rowing to it. It was going to increase his chances of getting caught by the border patrol, but he had a feeling this was worth the risk.

He looked at his phone, saw the bar go up one, and stopped. “How’s that?” he asked after he pulled the oars back up.

“Still shit, but it’ll work,” Kalila said, audible if he strained to hear, with a few minor losses here and there. “Look, Dog, my friend Raven Hood she says got a business proposal for you, some crazy plan to try and keep you here in Auradon, and get you into your daughter’s good graces.

“If you say yes, I’ll send her your number, and you two can hash out the details.”

Dog blinked. “Sounds good! Too good, actually! What’s the catch?”

“You and me will find out, but trust me: Raven may the daughter of an outlaw but she’s about as kindhearted, generous, and selfless as most Auradonians think they are. So, are you taking it or not?”

“Just one more question: why are you calling me, after the whole ‘leave and never come back’ speech?”

“Business,” Kalila said flatly. “Raven thinks we can use your infamy for profit, hers, yours, and mine. And before you ask, our partnership is going to be strictly professional, you’re still banned from 404, and I’m not magically going to become fine with you, alright?

Dog smiled. “Fine with me; this isn’t exactly the first time a woman’s selfishly used me for personal profit...”

Kalila groaned. “Don’t remind me. Goodbye.”

“Wait! Kalila!”

“What...?” she snapped.

“Thank you.”

“… Don’t thank me yet, Dog, not until you’ve held up your end of the bargain.”

Beep.

Dog looked at his phone, then at the Isle on one side of him, then at Auradon on the other. He put it back in his coat pocket, sat down, and thought.

Kalila was just one other person willing to give him a chance besides Ben, and even then, it was clear that she was giving him the barest minimum of goodwill she could muster. Mal still hated him, Auradon feared him, and his fellow Islanders on both sides of Auradon Bay either gave him a wide berth, or wanted to get close enough to stab him to death. There was no guarantee that whatever plan Raven had in mind would help him past basic survival in the long-run, if it didn’t end up backfiring on them entirely…

… But you know what? He was going to take it anyway.

“Fear the man who has nothing left to lose, for there is nothing holding him back,” Dog thought to himself as he rowed back to Auradon.

[rauliskafan]

A Hard Lesson in Illusions: Chapter 5

Authors’ Note: Time for Rafael to return to work. But Natalia is still worried. Might something else be wrong? Read on to see!!! @vintagemichelle91 and I hope that you enjoy!!!

          “Are you out of your mind?”

           Natalia heard Liv’s voice as soon as she stepped off the elevator. Rafael had insisted that he was well enough to work, leaving her with a kiss, patting Violetta’s head, and promising the proper story come nightfall. But still she left her sweet pea with her mother before making her way to Hogan Place. Because when watching him dress, Rafael seemed unsure as to which drawer held his pocket squares, which one to pair with the blue and yellow tie. 

           And so, she felt that she had no choice but to look in on him.

           “Carmen? What’s going on in there?” Natalia asked.

           “I… I don’t know. But the Lieutenant---”

           “Are you laughing at me, Barba?”

           They always joked, a kind of shorthand between them. But Liv sounded far from amused.

           “Maybe I’ll just peek in for a moment,” Natalia continued. “Say hello.”

           “Mrs. Barba, I don’t know if that’s such a good---”

           Suddenly the door swung open, and Liv emerged with eyes blazing. Natalia tried to greet her, but Liv whipped her head back around, Rafael right behind her.

           “What would make you do this?” she demanded.

           “Do you have to be so loud?” Rafael asked.

           “So… this creep abused children in his care. His own daughter. And you’re going to let him plead out?”

           “There are enough holes in the story to drive a truck through,” Rafael replied. “And his family? Jumping on the bandwagon to get a book deal. Like you’ve never see that type of thing before.”

           “Not with these victims,” Liv countered.

           “You like that word,” Rafael scoffed. “Ever stop to think that you might be projecting?”

           “Excuse me?” she snapped. Rafael grabbed her arm and tried to lead her back inside when she swatted him away. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head to the side, scanning her up and down.

           “Not everyone has to carry your kind of baggage,” he said. “Even if it’s the trendy thing. Maybe you should take a look in the mirror. And watch your tone.”

           Why was he saying these things? Natalia had no answer. Only a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach, something that she wanted the chance to explain when Liv threw her hands in the air.

           “And here I thought you’d come back well-rested. Would have been better if you’d just stayed away.” The second she disappeared, Natalia stepped forward, full of questions, fearing a fever clouding his judgment. But Rafael kissed the back of her hand and guided her into his office.

           “Hold my calls, Carmen.” His assistant muttered a response as Rafael closed the door and leaned against his desk.

           “Miss me already?” he queried.

           “No, I---”

           “No?” he said with a laugh, circling around her to touch the cream-colored skirt hugging her sides below the lace bodice. “That’s not the kind of thing a loving husband wants to hear.”

           His lips were on her neck, and she couldn’t help but curve into his kiss before pushing away from him.

           “Problem?” he asked.

           “You tell me. What was all that about?”

           “Nothing for you to worry about,” he said, trying to kiss her again when she stopped him and stared into his eyes.

           “I do worry when it looks like you’re giving up without a fight,” she started. “And since when do you blame the victim?”

           “That’s what Liv calls it. Not me. She’s just pissed because I’m not saying how high when she says jump. And the case is a dog, Natalia. Now that I’m back, I’m seeing so many things in a different light.”

           “I don’t know if I like the sound of that,” she whispered as his fingers slid back and forth against her cheek, her lips instinctively touching his nails when she grabbed his collar.

           “That’s better,” he said. “I think---”

           “I think you came back too soon,” she said. “Maybe you need another day or two in bed. We can go back to the doctor and---”

           “Natalia, I’m fine. Better than I’ve been in a long time. But since you mentioned bed…”

           His voice drifted off as his hand slithered under her skirt. Her thigh quivered as he caressed her flesh, and she felt her body buzz when she cupped his chin in one hand, her free set of fingers rubbing his brow.

           “You are warm,” she said.

           “The word is hot, hermosa. But I think you’re on to something. An afternoon in bed is exactly what this doctor ordered.”

           He kissed her cheek and retrieved his briefcase, his arm firm and strong around her shoulders as they walked out and he nodded in Carmen’s direction.

           “I’ll be back. Maybe.”

           Carmen hung her head as they entered the elevator, his hands roaming up and down her back when she begged him to wait.

           “Such a tease,” he quipped. “Come here looking like that and you expect me to just hold your hand?”

           “I love it when you hold my hand,” she said. His laugh was light as he nuzzled her neck and honored her request.

           “Feels nice,” he said. “But is this all you give your husband?”

           He waggled his eyebrows, and she felt her cheeks flush as she cuddled into his side.

           “Need I remind you how we spent our honeymoon?” Natalia asked. “I think we only saw the lobby of the B&B coming and going.”

           His hand fell away, and he lengthened up the back of his neck, peering down at her and pressing one finger to his lips when she tried to speak.

           “Maybe I am a little out or sorts,” he said. “It’d do me a world of good to get back to basics.”

           “Meaning?” she asked.

           “Second honeymoon?

           “That trip you’ve been promising me?” she shot back.

           As the elevator doors slid open they were engulfed in a small crowd. For a split second, she lost him, but Rafael was quick to find her hand again and they moved to the street, the summer sun blazing overhead while he whistled for a cab.

           “So many places I want to take you, Natalia. But right now, let’s improvise.”

           In the back of the taxi, Rafael stroked her legs, his finger grazing her mound when she playfully slapped his shoulder.

           “Ouch,” he teased. “But you know... you do things to me.”

           “What do I do?” she asked. He sat back, folding his fist under his chin. He licked his lips and held her in suspense as the cab came to a halt.

           “Make me blow off work just so I can be with you.”

           “Rafael, I---”

           “No complaints,” he said. “Let’s make this another lobby that you can’t remember.”

           The hotel room was sparse. More windows than walls and a white bed billowing with pillows and fluffy sheets. Rafael searched the only other piece of furniture, an oak desk, and Natalia sighed as she removed her slim shawl and crept up behind him.

           “Going to do some work after all?” she asked.

           “Oh yes,” he promised, his smile expanding as he dug into the drawer and found a flimsy piece of cardboard.

           “Do not disturb?” Natalia said, reading the sign. His eyes stayed on hers as he pressed the sign and the latch into place.

           “Here. Let me hold your hand again.”

           Sliding closer, she let his grip surround hers, his other hand threading through her hair as his kiss fell to her breasts. Moaning at the feel of his mouth, she saw him drop to his knees, his kisses accelerating with the descent and her dress spilling to her feet. He unhooked her heels, his lips on her toes as she lifted his face.

           “Maybe we both need this,” Natalia said. “It’s almost been a week.”

           “Too long. Way... too... long.”

           Punctuating the words with his mouth as climbed up her body, Rafael’s hands hooked into her panties and she tore at his buttons, the mismatched tie and pocket square forgotten as he reached under her ass and paused at the edge of the bed.

           “Are… are you really okay?” she asked. His green eyes gleamed as he stood with his suspenders flapping, his cock poking through his pants.

           “I think I’ve just been needing a hit of you,” he purred. “But not here.”

           Spinning her around, he pressed her body to the window. Natalia gasped, ready to bite down on her lip when he beat her to the punch, his teeth on her tongue, grinding into hips, gripping her sides. His cock played hard to get as she tried to claim his mouth, desperate for his kiss even as she glanced over her shoulder.

           “Don’t… don’t you don’t care that someone might see?” Natalia breathlessly asked.

           “Like anyone can find you all the way up here. When you are all mine.”

           And with that he entered her. Natalia’s body buckled, her arms tightening around his neck as he dove deeper, his tongue lapping at her breasts.

           “You’re... you’re making me dizzy,” she whined, her body melting into his as he seized her hair and gave her no choice but to meet his eyes.

           “That’s the idea, Natalia.”

           Keeping her close with one arm, his other palm staining the glass with each lunge, Rafael moved like a man coming or going from war, his thrusts fierce as his tongue glided over her ear. Abandoning the pane, he fondled her ass, fingered her there...

           “Rafael… wait…”

           “No more waiting. I need you now.”

           There was no escape from every angle of his touch as he climaxed without her, his lust saturating her skin and streaming down her legs. But a second show of strength brought her to the edge, and she screamed his name to the ceiling, the skyline near enough to touch until he finally tore her away from the window, and they fell as one to the bed.

           “Christ… even I didn’t know how much I needed that,” he said.

           Natalia laid underneath him, unable to think straight. He softly kissed her temple, his mouth moving at a snail’s pace towards the base of her neck.

           “You are the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever known.”

           She tried to speak, her voice coming out in a dull sigh when his phone rang. He let it got to voicemail and stroked her belly. Another call. Grumbling, Rafael left her and listened to whoever was on the other end of the line.

           “Fine. I’m on my way.”

           Ending the call, he crawled back to her side.

           “That son of a bitch Ward,” he said. “Guess we can’t play hooky all day.”

           “I… no. You’ve been out for so long.”

           She could not read his expression as he patted her thigh.

           “You look like you need to sleep this one off,” he said. “But I’ll see you at home, right?”

           “I… yes,” she muttered. “Of course.”

           “You better be ready for round two,” he winked.

           Inching under the sheets, she watched him dress with wide eyes and fought the urge to flinch when he bent down to kiss her once more.

           “Try not to miss me too much, hermosa.”

           “I won’t.”

           She lingered in the bed for what felt like the better part of an hour, dragging the sheets closer to her chin and trembling. Her body ached, and she tried to ignore the bruises beginning to line her back, stumbling from the bed in search of a shower. Washing the world away, she left the bathroom to find the day turning to dusk. Slipping back into her dress, she left the room, pulling out her phone to dial her mother.

           “Mommy, I---”

           “Natalia?”

           Trevor’s voice caught her off guard.

           “What are you doing there?” she asked.

           “Your mother invited me over,” he said. “I’m visiting with Violetta. I hope that’s---”

           “I… yes. It’s fine.” She recoiled as a businessman started down the hallway, and Natalia avoided his eyes, lowering her voice.

           “Can you do something for me?” she asked.

           “You only have to name it,” Trevor said.

           “Keep Violetta there a little longer.”

           “I doubt that’ll be a problem,” he chuckled. “Alessia’s lifting a page from your friend’s cookbook.”

           “My friend?” 

           “The skinny bloke from Staten Island,” Trevor said. "Violetta says that she simply must supervise to make sure that we get it right.”

           Good. Better to keep them all busy.

           “Thank you, Trevor. Please give her a kiss for me.”

           He was slow to respond.

           “Are you sure that you’re alright?” he asked. The businessman left his room looking for ice, and Natalia hurried down the hallway to bang on the elevator buttons.

           “I’m fine,” she said. “Just… stay there. Keep an eye on them both.”

           “Natalia, what is the---?”

           “I’ll talk to you later.”

           Hanging up, she left the hotel and hailed another cab.

           “Where to?” the driver asked.

           She almost gave her own address when a text came through on her phone.

           Be home in an hour. I want you waiting for me.

           Her answer was brief as she ordered the driver back to Hogan Place. Something was wrong. Something that she wanted to forget and run away from. But he was still her husband. And she couldn’t abandon him when…

           Carmen’s desk was empty. Natalia tip-toed towards his door, stopping in her tracks at the sound of light whimpers. Natalia narrowed her eyes…

           …and saw her husband’s hands all over the other woman’s body, his fingers reaching under her skirt. Stunned for all of a second, she suddenly barged through the door, her tongue still tied. Carmen gasped and tried to disentangle herself from Rafael’s embrace. He released his assistant with a rough push and approached Natalia with a strange smile.

           “What are you doing here?” he asked.

           “What am I...? What the hell is going on?” He looked back to Carmen, the assistant straightening her skirt as Natalia started to lay into her…

           …only to stop at the feel of Rafael’s hand surrounding her wrist, his eyes contracting as his lips curled into a smirk. Natalia blinked hard, trying to recognize his face, trying to reconcile the love in her heart with the image before her eyes.

           “Atticus, what has happened to you?” His smirk expanded as he seized her waist, driving her towards the wall and kicking the door closed behind them. She started to speak, seeing Carmen shuddering over his shoulder as Rafael brought his lips close to hers.

           “You should have gone home, Natalia. Or stayed where you were. Didn’t want to sleep it off? You will now.”

           Reaching into his pocket, he revealed a needled and pushed it into her arm. The pain was short, sharp, and Natalia started to struggle, her legs futilely kicking forward as her eyes grew heavy, and her body went limp. She felt herself falling into his chest, fearing the embrace that suddenly seemed so foreign, when she heard Carmen’s cry.

           “Nevada, please! Don’t do this!”

[codango]

I'd love anything (100) with Aone! or 3. 'You don’t have to worry, I’m here.' with anyone from Haikyuu if you're not feeling Aone rn. I'm excited for the drabbles regardless of what you write!

EDIT: It occurred to me, Anon, that you might not have asked this because you knew about my Aone fic on AO3 (That’s not what he’s saying). Hence, a short explanation: I answered your prompt as Chapter 2 of a short fic about Aone falling in love with an OC of mine, Tatsu. Tatsu makes his first appearance in another Haikyuu fic of mine (Wingmen are supposed to be supportive).

I really hope this clears up any confusion I may have caused!

--------

You don’t have to worry, I’m here (2,432 words)

It began with breakfast.

Aone didn’t think anything of it beyond how the conversation was somewhat awkward. How could it not have been? Breakfast the morning after, with Tatsu and Tatsu’s sister and Tatsu’s sister’s boyfriend, who happened to be the best friend of one of Aone’s teammates, was plenty to be dealing with on its own.

Aone didn’t even realize Tatsu had paid for breakfast until Tanaka started protesting. Loudly, as was his nature.

“You aren’t paying for shit,” Tanaka insisted. He was behind the bar, cleaning up the last of the breakfast he’d made for the four of them in his father’s pub.

“Of course not. I’m paying for an excellent breakfast prepared by a professional chef.” Tatsu shrugged on his coat, not so much as glancing at the cash on the bar. He looked at Aone. “Ready?” So casual. Like friends leaving a once-a-month get-together.

Tanaka ran a hand over his shaved head, clearly exasperated. “Look, you can’t—I mean, I just—not when I—” He waved his hand helplessly at the tall blonde woman bringing the last dishes from their table.

Tatsu raised a delicate eyebrow at her. “I can’t pay for our meals because you’re banging my sister? Need a hand there, Shizuku love?”

Shizuku set the plates down on the bar with a touch more force than necessary. “Always lovely to see you, Tatsu, bye now.” Her face was staining pink.

“But he can’t—” Tanaka tried.

“Let him leave his entire goddamn wallet if he wants to!” Shizuku barked. She shot Aone a look, half pleading, half threatening. “Nice to meet you, Aone-san. Get him out of here.”

Aone did not think for a moment of disobeying. He cupped Tatsu’s elbow, bowed his gratitude to Tanaka, and walked Tatsu firmly out the door. Reaching for his back pocket, Aone opened his mouth to say something about paying his own way when Tatsu put a hand to his chest and stretched up for a kiss.

Visions of last night exploded behind Aone’s closed eyes, and his hand reached for that pale ponytail. He wanted to pull it loose again, wanted to feel it against his face like he had hours before.

Tatsu stepped back, hand still flat on Aone’s chest. His smile was pleased. “I have to get back to the gallery,” he said softly, gray eyes roaming Aone’s face at leisure. “I have a client meeting first thing tomorrow morning I have to prepare for.”

“Oh.” Aone willed his hand to drop from Tatsu’s hair. It wasn’t easy. Of course he had to go back. His work, his life, was two hours away from the college campus. Tatsu was an adult, with responsibilities Aone had yet to know. Of course he couldn’t while a Sunday away. Frankly, Aone couldn’t afford to either, there were exams to consider—

“I can hear you thinking,” Tatsu teased.

“My apologies, Tatsu-san.” Aone bowed his head. “I’ve kept you from your obligations far too long. I can show you the nearest station.”

Tatsu blinked. “I know I should be used to your abruptness by now, but I confess my ego is reeling.” He brushed the back of his hand against Aone’s jacket collar. “You want me away so quickly?” His voice was low, with a tone that sent shivers up Aone’s spine.

“It’s not what I want,” Aone managed.

Tatsu looked up at him. “Do tell?”

“I want…” to take you back to my room. To be lazy with you today. To forget what our Mondays will bring. “…to see you again.” Aone held his gaze firm. “If I may.”

Tatsu’s eyes went wide. “Well,” he said after a moment, “it has been quite some time since someone asked so sweetly for my company.” He slipped his arm through Aone’s, his lean frame pressed tight against Aone’s side. “Show me to that station?”

Aone might have been disappointed that Tatsu really did leave so quickly. If, that is, he hadn’t pulled Aone off to the side for a long kiss and some heavy breathing. If Aone hadn’t felt Tatsu get half hard against him. If Tatsu hadn’t whispered, “I’ll call you tonight,” with his lips against Aone’s ear. Then, yes, Aone might have been disappointed.

As it was, he was staring sightlessly into his textbooks that afternoon before he realized that he had never paid Tatsu back for breakfast.

———

A couple days later, a box arrived at the house. Kuroo delivered it to Aone’s door with his dinner balanced on top. “Kawatabi made curry and way overestimated how much. You can grab a bowl if you drop some cash in the jar next to the stove.”

Aone nodded but wasn’t really listening. He hadn’t ordered anything recently. His mother always sent him an email ahead of time if she was sending a package. He set it on his bed.

Inside the cardboard shipper was a sleek black box. It was stamped with silver in a brand name he didn’t recognize. The lid lifted to reveal, nestled in un-dyed tissue paper, the most beautiful briefcase Aone had ever seen. Soft-sided, it was made of leather worked over so finely as to feel like velvet. He took a moment, exploring the pockets, testing the zippers, admiring the tooled strap, before he noticed the small card in the bottom of the box.

A-To aid in your pursuit of knowledge. Best luck in your studies,T

Aone set the bag aside immediately and reached for his phone. Two hours later, Aone was staring red-faced at the ceiling of his room, wondering if he could make it to the shower or if he had to jerk off right there. He’d intended to make a simple thank-you call. Tatsu’s voice over the phone had a way of making more complicated things happen.

Aone clenched his eyes shut, bit into the flesh of his thumb, and slid a hand down his jeans. At least he knew he wasn’t as loud as Kuroo.

———

Spring came, and so did a selection of fine shirts from a brand Aone did recognize. His father favored the workmanship but only indulged in one a year.

A-Will you be viewing the cherry blossoms with friends?The blue one would be stunning against the flowers.T

Aone went with Kuroo, Azumane, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Shizuku, and two of Shizuku’s friends to a nearby park that weekend. He handed Shizuku his phone and asked her quietly if she could take a photo. She was a little less likely to tease than the others, and he wanted to look as relaxed as he could. Not an easy feat.

“Ohhh.” Shizuku cooed over the first photo. “That blue is amazing against the blossoms!” She held up the phone to take another, and Aone felt himself smile.

Aone sent the photo late that night. Tatsu texted him immediately after. Thirty minutes later, Aone sent another photo of himself wearing the blue shirt. Technically wearing the blue shirt.

———

During one late-night call, Aone confessed to nearly sleeping through a class.

“You’re not getting enough rest?” Tatsu sounded concerned.

Aone wiped a hand over his face. “Practice, workouts, end-of-year projects. It adds up.” He would not breathe a word about how his deplorable sleep schedule was mostly down to Tatsu and his sinful phone calls.

“Ah.” Tatsu apparently bought the excuse. “It’s important to stay organized with your time management in these situations.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow when Aone wore his new smart watch to practice that week, but didn’t say anything.

———

The team’s house didn’t have a wine cellar. It would never have occurred to Aone to let Tatsu in on this fact. When the industrial wine rack showed up with an assortment of fifty vintages ranging from rare to trendy, Kuroo rolled his eyes and helped Aone clear out some space in the garage.

A- Would love to hear your opinion on the 2004 Kaesler shiraz.T

“Surprisingly floral for something so dry and smooth,” Aone said. He’d brought a bottle to Tanaka’s pub one night, with serious instruction that it was to be enjoyed with intentionality over a careful menu. Tanaka had risen to the occasion masterfully, and he and Shizuku had been fabulous to compare notes with about the wine. The three of them had gotten a tiny bit buzzed from finishing the bottle themselves that night, but what else was to be done really?

“Exactly what I thought. I wasn’t as put off by the bouquet as I thought I might be.” Tatsu laughed. “But perhaps it was where I had it? The Barossa Valley would make anything taste like heaven.”

“It must be gorgeous.” Aone had mixed feelings when Tatsu shared stories about all the places he’d been. It made him feel at once far too young for him and far too excited about all the wonder the world held for him to see.

“It was like nowhere I’d seen before.” Tatsu was quiet for a moment. “We should go someday.”

Aone caught his breath. The statement had been casual. Light. There was too little there to read into.

“Perhaps,” Tatsu went on. “After graduation of course? And if you’d rather go somewhere else first, we should talk about that.”

Aone’s lungs released softly. “The Barossa Valley sounds wonderful.”

Tatsu hummed, low and sensuous and just right for setting Aone’s skin on fire.

———

The last game of the season ended with a sound victory but at the expense of Aone’s shoulder. He’d come down from the winning block, slipped on a sweaty patch of floor, and the ligaments, overworked from three hard matches, let go on impact.

Through the ambulance, the ER, the manhandling required to set a dislocated shoulder, Aone had kept up his impassive face. Inside, his mind was a spiderweb, crawling with worry.

Dislocated joints are always weaker.

The scholarship is no good without volleyball.

The therapy will take time, but at least this happened at the end of a season.

Months of hard work and maybe I’ll be back up to everyone else’s level by fall.

I’m not ready to be done with volleyball.

I’m not ready for this to be over.

I’m not ready.

They sent him home with massive painkillers and dire threats about any activity remotely resembling athleticism for a month. Aone wanted to scream, but Kuroo kept shooting him looks as he drove them away from the hospital. He kept his mouth shut.

“Need anything?” Kuroo finally asked when they reached Aone’s room.

Aone didn’t turn around. “I’m fine.” He struggled to unlock the door with his left hand. Dropped his key on the floor. He stared at it, his throat getting tight.

Kuroo had the key in hand in a moment, pushing the door open, setting Aone’s phone and water bottle next to his bed, turning on a lamp. It was when he began fluffing a pillow that Aone reached out his left hand. “Kuroo.”

“Yes! Right, yeah.” He backed away from the bed, hands raised, grin sheepish. He was nearly out the door when he turned, chewing on his lip. “Um. Just so you know.”

Aone looked at him and tried to focus. It was probably time for another pain pill.

Kuroo ran a hand over his perpetual bedhead. “I called him. Your, uh, boyfriend? I looked up his number on your phone while you were…while we were at the hospital.”

Aone stared at him.

“Yeah, so, anyway, he’s coming? I guess?”

“You guess? What…what does that mean, you guess?”

“Ahahaha, okay, you’re right.” Kuroo edged farther out the door. “He’s totally coming. Said he’d get a train tonight. So. Yay?”

Aone’s mind latched onto something concrete to keep from spinning out of control. “Tatsu-san isn’t my boyfriend.”

Kuroo’s face lost its tension, his expression going flat.

Aone held his gaze and refused to give in.

“…sugar daddy?” Kuroo enunciated neatly.

Aone glared at him.

“Whatever he is, he’s staying in your room.” Kuroo walked out the door. Popped his head back in. “And I know that’s not gonna be a problem. I’m just saying I’ve gone through a pack of ear plugs.”

Aone walked calmly to the door and shut it in his face. If someone was going to lecture someone else about intimate noise, that someone had no business being Kuroo.

He’d had every intention of staying awake until Tatsu arrived. Unfortunately, the pain meds had other plans. When he opened his eyes, the room was dark except for the small lamp on his desk. His shoulder throbbed. His mouth was dry. He tried to sit up, groaning. How was everything in his entire body connected to his shoulder?

“Wait, hang on, what do you need?” A soft voice, a rustling sound.

Aone blinked sleep from his eyes, and there was Tatsu, getting to his feet from the floor. His jacket was folded neatly as a seat cushion against the wall, two or three overstuffed bags nearby.

“Tatsu…san?” Aone croaked.

Tatsu grabbed the water bottle on the desk. “Is this what you want? Do you need something for the pain?” He glanced over the desk, reached for a small pill bottle. “These?”

Aone watched him, silent and glowing inside. The lamp turned Tatsu’s ponytail gold. They’d seen each other a couple times since that night in Tanaka’s pub, always both of them impeccably dressed until they weren’t, both striving to impress the other until they forgot to. Never like this…Tatsu in jeans and a thin T-shirt that was probably never expensive. Aone incapable of dazzling anyone with his body at the moment.

Tatsu offered a pill and water. “You don’t have to move, I’ve got it.” Aone lifted his good hand, but Tatsu frowned. “Just open your mouth.” His voice was quiet. It lacked the tone that Aone knew was meant to arouse, but nonetheless his heart picked up the pace.

“You don’t have to worry.” Tatsu dropped the pill on Aone’s tongue with no sensuality, just care. “I’m here.”

Aone would speak. Eventually. He would get the words out that were crowding his throat. He’d ask the questions that refused to leave his brain—will you? do you want to? could we? am i? are you? do you? please? But for this moment, he scooted over on the bed. Patted the sheets next to him, never taking his eyes off Tatsu, glowing in lamplight.

The way Tatsu’s face softened was beautiful. He settled on the bed, every movement graceful, and curled into Aone’s side without a single jostle.

Aone leaned his head back and closed his eyes, smiling.

##

[andrewdburton]

Fifteen years of semi-retirement: A real-life look at what it’s like to live more and work less

Today’s “money story” is a guest post from Bob Clyatt, author of the outstanding Work Less, Live More, which is one of my favorite books about financial independence and early retirement. [My review.] It’s an update on what his life has been like since moving to sem-retirement fifteen years ago.

I had the good fortune to start a digital design firm in 1994. I sold it during the dot-com frenzy, leaving me with a bad case of burnout and full retirement accounts. It seemed like the right time to pull the plug, so in 2001 — at the age of 42 — I left full-time work.

I embarked on a self-funded post-career lifestyle that wasn’t quite retirement (at least not in the traditional sense). I chose to do part-time, work-like activity in order to stay challenged and engaged while also closing budget gaps. Five years later, I wrote Work Less, Live More, which popularized the notion of semi-retirement.

So, I guess the big question is: Does semi-retirement work? What has it been like for me and my family? What lessons have I learned since embarking upon this path?

The Way to Semi-Retirement

The quick answer is: Yes, semi-retirement can and does work. The investing approach outlined in Work Less, Live More has sustained our spending since the day my wife and I quit work in early 2001. Our savings have allowed us to have part-time, low-paid (but intrinsically fun and meaningful jobs) at a time when the normal people in those jobs can’t actually make ends meet — and can’t enjoy them as a result.

My wife works ten or twenty hours a week in a large specialty women’s clothing store. Her job allows her to stay connected to her interests in fashion while spending time with a younger generation of women: her co-workers and managers.

Meanwhile, I got to pursue my dream of becoming an artist. I went to art school, then built a sculpture studio. I now show and sell my work everywhere from Hong Kong to Paris, from trendy art fairs in Miami to galleries in Manhattan. [Check out Clyatt’s contemporary sculpture at his website.]

I’ve certainly had fifteen-hour days and eight-hour weeks in semi-retirement, but mostly I putter around in the morning before going to my studio after lunch. I spend an active afternoon sculpting. At night, I’m parked on the couch just like the rest of the country.

Like all artists, I sigh that I don’t have as many sales as I’d hoped after an art fair or gallery show. But then I pinch myself and remember that the art itself is getting better. I remind myself that creating the art is deeply meaningful and our financial needs are still covered by our savings.

Our Time in Eden

We have a close family.

Our two sons (now 21 and 25) were short-changed for Mom & Dad Time during the 1990s. Business trips and long hours at the office scarred me deeply and took me away from the kids. This was probably the driving force pushing me toward early retirement, actually.

But were able to spend a lot more time with the boys once we chose the path to semi-retirement. (They probably got too much time with us by the time high school and college rolled around!) We bought a boat and took plenty of family vacations, and there was always time to play catch or Frisbee while the kids were growing up.

Once I left the rat race, I got into yoga. I spent more time working out than the average executive could ever dream. Staying fit takes time and energy. I had plenty of both. We also took the time to to prepare healthful meals at home. As I get older and I’m unable to eat as much without packing on the pounds, preparing exciting, well-made food has been something of a compensation.

Now that our kids and in-laws have moved out, our house is more than we need. It requires plenty of work, but is a source of enduring pleasure for us. The gardens and grounds are Edenic. We entertain a lot at home, and the studio I built on the property a few years back has made me something of a homebody (gladly so!).

I have the time to think, to read, to putter — and still get my errands done and art created. Mornings inevitably involve a long read of the Wall Street Journal over a big cup of strong coffee, looking out on the gardens and digesting what’s happening out in the world.

Art has been a good avenue for opening up the world further. We’ve met lots of young, interesting people, and enjoyed at least ten trips a year to art-selling or exhibition locations where my work is being shown: art fairs in Miami or fine craft fairs around the Northeast, international symposia in Europe or Asia. We’ve found that it’s always more fun to travel with a purpose, and weaving together art and travel has been something my wife and I enjoy doing together.

Our marriage is no doubt stronger for having gone down the semi-retirement path. I’m convinced a lot of marriages founder out of need for more time and energy for each other. Finding that time and energy can be so difficult when juggling full-time work, commutes, and the inevitable life-maintenance that everyone has to attend to.

We often look at friends who work full-time, especially those at the lower rungs on the pay ladder, and wonder how people can possibly hold it all together given the stresses. So we’re grateful for the gift we’ve been able to give ourselves of time, and the extra bit of cash it sometimes takes to keep irritants at bay: a parking ticket doesn’t ruin our day or cause us to fight, but the irony is we have more time to drive around to find a parking spot in the first place so the issue just doesn’t come up.

Our social lives are active. We have rich friendships among people and couples of all age groups in our community. We participate in community groups and volunteer for causes we care about. We feel connected to our town and the people in it. We never had time for this when we worked full time. But now I pop up regularly in the local paper because of one project or another. (Usually I’m mentioned for helping to bring sculptor friends’ work to our town for temporary installations around our parks and public areas.)

The Downside to Downshifting

All that probably sounds idyllic — and it is. But there are things cropping up after fifteen years of semi-retirement that are less than perfect. I’m not complaining, but I feel like I should mention these in the interest of full disclosure.

My concerns aren’t financial. We’ve kept our lifestyle in check, so we have enough — and then some. While my aging friends have started to show up with flashier cars (Maseratis and Teslas are “in” with my male peers), and they’ve started buying second and third homes, this isn’t a problem for me. I’m not wired to envy them or to feel left out.

What is concerning, though, are questions of identity and accomplishment. When you leave life in the fast lane a decade or two before your peers, some of the folks you know will go on to become Big Dogs at a time when you’re feeling more like a Chihuahua!

Sidenote: It’s rare to be a Big Dog in the art world, especially for a late-bloomer like me. Most artists subsist on the joy of creating and the satisfaction of nudging a body of work into the public sphere to some admiring fans and a few sales.

I’ve always had the respect of my still-working friends. They like having a window into my aesthetic, alternative lifestyle. They admire the chutzpah it took to walk out on the System and chart my own course. Still, the fact is that on conventional metrics they have gone further and achieved more in their extra years, allowing them now, as they approach traditional retirement age, to play the next few decades at a level I hadn’t really foreseen. That world is now closed off to me.

For example, I have friends who are entering their sixties with large career accomplishments are becoming directors of significant public companies, an ideal semi-retirement role. Others who have done well financially are in a position to engage in philanthropy at a level I simply can’t.

In addition to the genuine good they’re doing through their gifts, they’re invited into advisory roles where they can help steer the vision and activities of their chose charities. This work is deeply meaningful for them. These roles also bring accolades that keep the older semi-retiree feeling appreciated, respected, and useful in a significant way, while remaining connected to other high-achievers.

Because I left the fast lane early, I don’t have as many post-work opportunities.

I’m certainly appreciated and respected in the circles I move in. But those circles sometimes feel rather quiet and small. When I chose semi-retirement fifteen years ago, I understood intellectually that this would happen. I made an intention choice to pursue a quieter, more introspective bath. Yet there’s a sense of loss — of missing out — that comes when you realize certain paths are closed off forever.

J.D.’s note: I’ve experienced this in my own life. When I chose to enter semi-retirement, I left near the top of my field. In the years since, others have produced bigger and better websites. Now that I’ve resumed writing about money, I feel like a young pup instead of a Big Dog. I’m glad for the success of my colleagues, but can’t help wondering what might have been if I’d elected not to cash in my chips.

Know Thyself

Of course many readers will have no interest in embarking on any kind of high-profile semi-retirement activity: “Let me have a quiet place to do what I want and leave the living large to others!”

But plenty of early retirees are able to save big precisely because they’re high-achieving, high-energy people. When they’re done working, they want it all: lots of relaxation while retaining the sense that they’re connected and needed. This simply might not be possible if you drift away from the limelight for an extended period.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad I made the change to the slow lane. But before you make the shift, think about your own needs to be useful and/or achieve recognition. Make sure your future is going to be a good fit for you in the long term.

To learn more about Bob Clyatt, check out his gallery of contemporary sculpture. You can buy Work Less, Live More on Amazon or visit the book’s website. Lastly, you might want to check out my review of the book.

The post Fifteen years of semi-retirement: A real-life look at what it’s like to live more and work less appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

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[universeinform-blog]

Blogger ganha novos temas de blog parecidos com WordPress

New Post has been published on https://universeinform.com/2017/03/29/blogger-ganha-novos-temas-de-blog-parecidos-com-wordpress/

Blogger ganha novos temas de blog parecidos com WordPress

O Blogger ganhou, nessa terça-feira (21), novos temas (templates) que podem ser aplicados nos blogs dos usuários da plataforma. São quatro novos designs: ”Contempo”, perfect tanto para fotos como para texto; ”Soho”, uma galeria para exibir imagens e texto; ”Empório”, um tema com destaque para exibir posts de forma objetiva; e o ”Now notável”, com layout para conteúdos mais concisos.

Blogger, WordPress, Tumblr ou Medium; qual a melhor plataforma? Todos os temas são gratuitos e podem ser instalados facilmente. Basta acessar ”Tema” no painel de administração do seu we blog e visualizar como os novos temas ficam tanto no computer quanto no celular. Depois, clique em “Observe to blog” ou “aplicar ao blog” para usar o template. No Blogger, plataforma do Google, o usuário pode criar diversos blogs usando a mesma conta. É possível escolher um tema já disponível ou customizar seu web page com seu próprio design de template, já que é permitido editar a estrutura em HTML. Também é possível usar devices para adicionar a laughções extras no we blog.

Qual a Melhor plataforma para blog além do WordPress e do Blogger? Comente no Fórum do TechTudo.

O WordPress, plataforma rival para publicação on-line, conta com uma versão gratuita, diversos temas livres para uso e permite que qualquer pessoa tenha um blog com aspecto profissional, sem depender de Muertos conhecimentos técnicos. Há, também, outras plataformas com uso mais simples como o Medium e o Tumblr.

Social Blogging Secrets You Should Know

Have you ever observed that some blogs barely get any traffic whilst a few blogs have hundreds to thousands and thousands of visitors each day? Professionals nation that this is due to the fact it’s miles all within the marketing strategy used. Professionals have confirmed that a few strategies work better than others. Right here are several social running a blog techniques or guidelines that you ought to understand.

 Weblog Frequently

Fanatics of your Weblog want to examine something new every day. Google will also rank the web page higher when sparkling content is posted Regularly. every day and informative content material help a website build authority in a network. The more aggressive you’re along with your running a blog campaign, the greater visitors that you will generate. One quality submits consistent with month isn’t sufficient to generate a following from your customers. at the same time as posting frequent is a subject, exceptional content is equally if now not extra, important.

Ensure Your Blog is Person-Pleasant

Exceedingly useable blogs and websites are less frustrating and yield greater subscribers than websites that make users work to determine wherein to subscribe or discover extra. Make the blogs easy to discover, easy to proportion with friends, and easy to enroll in if readers like what they see.

 Provide a unique Blog

Google’s set of rules is trying to find sparkling and new content material. Copied content material will most effective bring your internet site ranking down lower. Every blogger must attempt to create a brand new Blog that is unique from the blogs which might be currently on the web. With the big wide variety of blogs available on any given topic, this turns into a vast undertaking, however, it’s miles the blogger’s activity to attempt to introduce clean thoughts.

 Provide Price in your Subscribers

Provide readers a purpose of studying your Weblog. Is your content material compelling? Are you freely giving free promotional gadgets? Do you’ve got any subscriber-best promotions? When you Offer Fee, humans will come to your website again and again due to the fact they are pleased with the content material and your appreciation for them.

Streamline Your subject matter Discussion

Blogs with a variety of topics can also yield the maximum visitors, but blogs with streamlined blogs get more subscribers. This calls for dedication and studies to usually offer clean content on a streamlined subject matter. With this approach, bloggers must have a draw close on subscription and sharing behaviors in their viewing target market. The blogs may also come to be Rather technical and unique inside a subject to hold the topics approximately the specific style.

Spread Goodwill

While you are running a blog, have a look at other similar blogs and determine how your Weblog can benefit extra publicity by using linking to their sites. This can assist your Weblog benefit publicity. Reciprocal link exchanges are advocated for this purpose, however, networking techniques also are powerful. people respect when you like and hyperlink to their blogs, and that they regularly reciprocate.

recognize Those Social running a blog Secrets and techniques for Fulfillment

While you implement These strategies into your social blogging regimen, site visitors need to boom in your website. The recommendations for Fulfillment seem easy, but they do require staying power to make sure effectiveness.

Use Creative Writing Elements for a Better Blog

Are you willing to apply Creative Writing Factors?

We all recognize that the content material is all we need to generate visitors and to target the target market of our interest.

If the content material is right, then mechanically there might be a big quantity of site visitors on the internet site and this content material depends on the writer.

Yes, the author is the one who modifications the regular story into a tremendous manner which in turn makes the user bounded to that weblog.

But what are the developing writing Factors for a better blog?

There must be many blogs and articles in which you’ll get the first-rate factors for writing a success blog and significantly, no longer all the bloggers observe the identical methods.

To conquer the scenario of getting stressed that what to comply with and what to not.

We’re offering you a summary of the factors on the way to virtually help you pick Creative writing Elements and will also assist you to be a triumphant blogger.

Usually, deliver first-class and regular blog stories: Sure,

It’s far authentic that humans love the one’s blogs which are right in high-quality and are steady. There have to be a relevant concept which pulls the user to read the weblog over and over as the customers have a predefined mindset about the author and if the author is handing over the identical important concept then it without doubt works. Regardless of what the subject is set whether it is guidelines or recipe concept, the principle point is the reader must consider that he is learning a brand new aspect from the author. If the writer can effortlessly perceive what he is writing about is delivering identical to the readers then you definitely are one step in advance toward your a success blog.

Provide an explanation for the purpose at the back of your blog

The primary reason behind every weblog is to allow the reader recognize what the author is talking approximately.If the writer can make this feasible then without a doubt he can without difficulty target a massive number of readers and traffic to his weblog and this will best be feasible when you have the capability to narrate the matters that you are speaking about to the real life examples.

Make the relationship between the writer and the reader: In any story

You can have examined that there exist many characters who plays a position and who describes themselves with their precise identification. However, in a weblog, the principle position is performed by means of the author, as the author is the one who incorporates out the target market until the cease, who has a completely unique voice that can flip reader mindset from advantageous to poor and poor to fine mind. All of it relies upon on the writer, that what he is speaking about. So there ought to be a connection between a writer and the reader.

WordPress Features That Help You Get Powerful Websites

Getting a website developed may not appearance hard at the surface but it actually is. Greater than the obligations and steps worried with the improvement, it’s in truth the choice of a proper platform that poses possibly the most important venture in the front of human beings looking to get a dedicated website for the enterprise. First of all, they need to contemplate over the kind of platform in order that the resultant website comes out the way it needs to. In view that there are several content control device (CMS) platforms to be had around, choosing the proper one is by no means easy, even professionals locate the venture extremely disturbing in nature.

At present, WordPress is considered one of pinnacle selections for web development as this open supply platform packs in all trendy features and functionalities wished in web improvement. Ease of use is one in all its biggest components and perhaps a cause of its so good sized popularity worldwide. More so, it has an intuitive interface, makes formatting extremely easy and permits simplicity with adding content material of any variety be it posts, photos or films and many others. The task of content management is straightforward and may be carried out from any net-linked machine. Further, it is effective sufficient to no longer require any extra HTML or FTP software program for content material management functions.

Extra so, WordPress is thought for its smooth and simple code and that is the reason why search engines supply desire to sites powered by it because such web sites are smooth to examine and index. It comes with masses of Search engine optimization attributes and rewards optimization efforts this means that websites can enjoy rating and visibility blessings without lots of an attempt. Likewise, organizations need not rely upon designers or developer for easy updates to the web page, and this project is now easy bringing More control over the web page. Certainly, the platform is fantastically customizable to suit organizations for their particular tasks.

[titoslondon-blog]

New Post has been published on Titos London

#Blog New Post has been published on http://www.titoslondon.com/whos-the-most-feminist-disney-princess-of-them-all/

Who’s The Most Feminist Disney Princess Of Them All?

Rex Features

When the first trailer for the live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast was released last November, the two-minute clip set a new record for most views in its first 24 hours alone.

Since then, the remake, which sees Emma Watson playing the bookish heroine, has supplied us with plenty of 1998 nostalgia–illustrating, once again, the remarkable staying power of the Disney princess. But with Beauty and the Beast's entrance into the modern era–and what a tumultuous and monumental era it is–our childhood protagonists are now subject to modern scrutiny.

While Belle serves as the poster child for brains-before-beauty, Watson has given the princess a more realistic, feminist makeover for the revamp. “In the animated movie, it’s her father who is the inventor, and we actually co-opted that for Belle,” Watson told Entertainment Weekly. “I was like, ‘Well, there was never very much information or detail at the beginning of the story as to why Belle didn’t fit in, other than she liked books. Also, what is she doing with her time?’ So, we created a backstory for her, which was that she had invented a kind of washing machine, so that, instead of doing laundry, she could sit and use that time to read instead. So, yeah, we made Belle an inventor.”

The original set of princesses were created between 1937 and 1998, meaning that the OG fairytale leads lack the advantage of more modern Disney ladies like Tiana, Rapunzel, Ella, and Merida, who lean more heroine than princess simply because of the time they were sketched. But with the imminent arrival of Beauty and the Beast, we found ourselves wondering: How do Disney's original princesses stack up in 2017? To be respectful of each princess' circumstance–they're all feisty in their own right–we created a matrix that compares their level of defiance to their intentions.

Read on for our full analysis of the original eight, their stories, and their fairytale flaws.



1. MULAN


Backstory Refresh: When the Huns invade China, the government calls for one man from every family to join the Chinese army. In order to keep her aging father home, Mulan bandages down her breasts, lobs her hair with a literal sword, and goes full male to join the forces. Even though her initial military skills are weak and she needs to endure daily training sessions where in her captain repeatedly sings that he’ll make a man out of her, Mulan becomes a pretty badass warrior. Her true gender is only ever discovered after she is slashed in the chest by the Hun leader. Ultimately, she is the key player in rescuing the Imperial City and Emperor and her super buff captain falls in love with her.


Fairytale Flaw: N/A. At no point her story does Mulan stray from her true feminist ideals and strong family values.


Modern Day Translation: Modern day Mulan would stick to her non-gender conforming standards of style and behavior even when she develops a baby crush on the stereotypical hot jock. She would put her family and friends over herself and throw support behind their causes.



 

 




2. BELLE 


Backstory Refresh: When her father is trapped in the Beast’s castle, bookish Belle sacrifices herself to take his place. When she’s not gossiping with the fine China, she is gradually befriending the Beast, who is a total jerk (albeit his mood has certainly suffered from being shunned from society). When Belle finds out her father is in danger, she returns to the city. Meanwhile, Gaston, the vain village hottie who feels entitled to Belle’s affection, goes after the Beast but ultimately dies because he hates books and you can’t survive in this world without intellect. Belle, apparently chill with body hair, smooches the Beast and he returns to his true chiseled form, Prince Adam.


Fairytale Flaw: Although Belle ultimately falls for a man well outside of society’s traditional standards of attraction, she also falls for a man who is totally domineering and emotionally immature because she believes she can change him.


Modern Day Translation: Belle can spot and take down a misogynist at the drop of a baguette. But her determination to better a man who treats her poorly despite how it may inconvenience her (like being held prisoner in a castle) is a bit naive.



 

 




3. JASMINE




Backstory Refresh: Princess Jasmine spends her days avoiding arranged marriages to high falutin royal suitors and her nights sneaking out of the castle to hobnob with the middle class of Agrabah. Here, she meets man-of-the-street Aladdin who shows her common decency and so she falls for him. Still, he requests that his genie make him into a prince so he can deceive Jasmine into loving him, but she assumes he’s just another royal and is uninterested in his newly gained socioeconomic status. Ultimately, Jasmine is awarded the opportunity to choose who she wants to marry (her father literally changes the law that said she couldn’t) and she chooses “street rat” Aladdin.


Fairytale Flaw: Jasmine pretty much holds her own against the oppressive standards, which pretty much say her marriageability defines her status as a woman. She does, though, at one point, reduce herself to an object of sexual desire in order to seduce Jafar.


Modern Day Translation: Jasmine is a strong, empowered woman who believes you can be equal parts smart and sexy. She chooses a poor boyfriend to financially support, going against the traditional man-saves-a-woman narrative because he emotionally supports her. Unfortunately, sometimes the only power a woman can wield over a man is physical, but Jasmine uses her sexuality for a pretty noble cause.



 

 




4. CINDERELLA


Backstory Refresh: After her father dies, Cinderella lives and works for her evil stepmother and stepsisters. She is literally enslaved and used as the family servant. With the help of a fairy godmother, though, she is able to attend the royal ball where she encounters a prince who becomes immediately smitten with her. She only has until midnight and flees the ball, leaving behind her trendy, but definitely uncomfortable, glass slipper. The obsessed prince uses his privilege to force every eligible maiden to try it on until he finds Cinderella and marries her.


Fairytale Flaw: TBH, Cinderella doesn’t have too much opportunity to stand her ground as a captive in her own home. But she does defiantly make it to the ball, even if she only wanted to go to find a man.


Modern Day Translation: It might not push the most progressive narrative, but you can’t knock a girl for wanting a night on the town to manhunt with her friends.



 

 




5. POCAHONTAS 


Backstory Refresh: Pocahontas is the original free spirit. She is a walking flower crown full of beauty and good vibes, which is exactly why she doesn’t want to marry stern warrior Kocoum. When the white English settlers come and set up shop on Native American land, Pocahontas encounters the very Aryan John Smith, whom she quickly becomes enamored with. They kiss and basically set off a war between the settlers and the tribe. Smith is sentenced to death, but Pocahontas stops her father (the tribe’s chief!) just as he is about to kill him. When Smith asks Pocahontas to return to England with him, she declines, choosing instead to stay with her tribe.


Fairytale Flaw: Although regarded and remembered as one of the fiercer Disney princesses, Pocahontas endangers her entire tribe and actually gets a couple people killed to be with a guy.


Modern Day Translation: There’s no denying Pocahontas is a true badass female. But a man is rarely worth losing your connection to your family and friends. She makes the right decision to ultimately put her romance to the side and stay with them, but she sort of owed it to them after all the drama.



 

 



6. SNOW WHITE


Backstory Refresh: In order to avoid having her heart cut from her chest (upsetting!) by for her evil, super vain stepmother, Snow White flees into the forest. There, she encounters seven dwarves whom she befriends. She works in their cottage, cooking and cleaning, while they mine diamonds during the day. She’s poisoned by the queen, though, and falls asleep. The dwarves think she’s dead and build a rather stunning glass coffin to lay her to rest above ground. A year later (!!!), she is visited by a prince she met prior to her escape into the forest who smooches her and wakes her from her slumber. They live happily ever after even though Snow White was essentially decaying for an entire year.


Fairytale Flaw: Snow White is the most passive of all Disney’s leading ladies. She never tries to escape her servitude to her nasty stepmother and her first instinct upon arriving at a cottage full of little men is to cook and clean for them.


Modern Day Translation: She might be the most passive, but she’s also Disney’s oldest (Snow White and Seven Dwarves was released in 1937) so we’ll give her a pass on the lack of progression.



 

 




7. AURORA, "SLEEPING BEAUTY"


Backstory Refresh: After Maleficent basically condemns Aurora to die on her 16th birthday (by a sewing wheel of all things), another fairy alters the curse to have her fall into a deep sleep instead, only to be awoken by true love’s first kiss. Aurora is then raised by that fairy and her two fairy sisters and essentially exists to aimlessly walk about a beautiful scenic forest while singing, which she genuinely seems okay with. She meets and immediately falls in love with a charming man with an impressive tenor. After the fairies tell her she can’t see him again, Aurora runs off and is, of course, manipulated and led to the spinning wheel where she pricks her finger and falls asleep until prince man wakes her up with his mouth.


Fairytale Flaw: Sleeping Beauty shows absolutely no real drive or need to create or find a purpose for herself. She only displays any level of passion when she, as a teenager, is told she can’t date the random singing boy she met in the wilderness.


Modern Day Translation: Sleeping Beauty aimlessly wanders through life until she falls victim to her own naivete and needs to be saved by a man.



 





8. ARIEL


Backstory Refresh: Fiery red-headed mermaid Ariel is fiercely curious and interested in a world beyond her own. In fact, she hates her own neighborhood so much and wants to be human so badly that she’ll do anything to be “part of that world,” even if it means disobeying her king dad and regularly spending time at the surface of the ocean gazing at humans. Without any contact at all, Ariel falls in love with human man Eric, who has two legs and well-coiffed hair. She visits sea witch Ursula and trades her magical singing voice for a pair of legs to woo him with. After a ton of drama and her father being turned into a polyp on the floor of the ocean, Ariel is actually saved by Eric. Her excessively forgiving father turns her fin into permanent legs so she can marry him.


Fairytale Flaw: Although inspiring in her rebellious nature, Ariel misdirects her defiance, risking her and her father’s life for a dreamy land-boy. She trades her voice and her home to be with a stranger she saw playing flute for a few minutes from a distance.


Modern Day Translation: Impetuous and passionate as she may be, Ariel committed the most disempowering sin when she gave up her voice for a man. And then, after all that trouble, her father still has to grant her freedom.





This article by Lindsay Dolak originally appeared on InStyle.com.