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#was my sleep better when i took it even?
confetti-critter · 6 months
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Can't go back to sleep.
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megaawkwardhuman · 7 months
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the only reason you're still alive is cause I let you live
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yes yes I know this is the pilot and that's a season 3 quote BUT IT FITS OK?
this drawing oh THIS DRAWING
I thought hey I like fucking around with lighting and shading this is going to be fun
but oh boy
OOOOOOOH BOY
the amount of times I wanted to throw my laptop out of a window is far too many to count
goes to show that fuck it we ball ISN'T the best drawing philosophy to live by some times
below cut is the sketch that started it all
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brisquad-unit-4402 · 1 year
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Congrants on the 100 followers 4402!!! You deserve much more for your amazing writing<3
For the event, can i request 28. princess carry with ikey? If im not wrong, he already said he likes being carried like a princess!!
So maybe after a day out w him he starts complaining about how his feet hurt from wearing heels for such a long time and reader just starts carrying him like the princess he is
thank you for the compliment, i appreciate it!
kyaaaa… does anyone else’s heart lurch and jump and do a sick dance move when they think about being swept off their feet and carried like a princess or is it just me… i’m doing research, like, totally…!
tags: established relationship, fluff, gender neutral reader
#100 followers for 4402 - 28. princess carry
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“Isn’t it beautiful?” You hold Ike’s hand within your own as the ocean waves lap along the shore. It’s a peaceful beach, with sloping sands and sprouted grass right where you stand, dividing the sand and the stable dirt under your feet. “I discovered it a while ago. It’s hard to find, so people don’t usually visit here, even though it’s so calm. It’s for just the two of us.”
“It is. I love it,” Ike says. He looks contented, but his eyes drift to his shoes. “It’s just that, when you said we were going to the beach, I thought you meant the side with the boardwalk.”
“Oh. Right.” You forgot. Ike usually wears boots with a high heel. Stilettos and sand are sworn enemies.
“Um, don’t worry! I’ll figure something out.”
“But how? You’ll sink.”
“Yeah… You have a point, I guess.” He sours. “My feet kind of hurt from all the walking, too.”
“They do?”
“It’s fine. I’ll manage.”
“But I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“It’s not the first time, and definitely won’t be the last. I’m used to it. It’s not that bad after so long, but still, the sand is going to be a problem – aah!”
Ike’s thought gets cut off as you squat, swing your arm under his legs, and gather him all up in a bundle. In his surprise, he grabbed the first thing his hands landed on – your shoulder – and your hands support him as you hold him gingerly.
He sputters, so small in your arms. “R-Reader! What are you – did you seriously just –“
“You said it yourself, the sand’s a problem, right?”
You readjust. Ike clings to your neck as he bounces once in your grasp, and shoves his head along your shoulder and out of sight. “How can you even carry me?”
You step forward to where the beach starts with a playful grin. “I’m much stronger than I look.”
Your shoes meet the doughy sand at a lower level than the grass. A short breath frosts down the scruff of your neck while you jump down and Ike buries himself closer to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his ears glow red between the gold earrings.
“Look at me, princess?”
Ike shoots up at the pet name, and sure enough, the rest of his face glows in the same blush all the way down to his neck. He doesn’t even want to fight how that name runs straight through his veins and into his heart. He’s too set in your arms to resist.
He melts like a sigh as you hold him higher. Ike tastes like ocean against your lips.
The sticky, salty air glues his mouth to yours for a blink longer than intended. “Let me treat you like royalty,” you murmur.
Ike nods, transfixed.
For Ike, you are eternal. Your face is every reflection off the bubbling sea and every sparkle shed by the sun. To be held like this is enough. The kiss is enough. You are enough. The minutes pass but the world is stuck in a selfish pause, and he replays all your love on loop.
For you, he is loyal and love, and you know he is too precious to last another moment like this. The second goes by. You let it go.
So you hoot and holler, the quiet broken, and he squeaks in response as you run along the shore. “Incoming, please make way for Your Royal Highness, the lovely Princess Ike!”
Your princess cracks into songbird chirps and a red-faced smile. “What are you doing, there’s no one around!”
“Sorry, can’t hear you, too busy spreading the good word of my beloved princess.” You stop to stare at the ocean. The seafoam rises and falls flat against itself, and rustles out the music of the waves as the whitewater dies out on the wet sand. “YO, OCEAN, YOU’RE NOTHING COMPARED TO MY IKEY!”
You spin around, and his earrings swing with the motion. Ike squeals. The sea breeze picks up a spray of water that flicks against your faces, but his laughter is high-pitched and uncontrollable, and persists even when the saltwater gets in his mouth.
Bubbly like the ocean backdrop, but he’s far more breathtaking than the beach could ever be. Especially at this angle, where his eyes can barely stay open because he’s smiling so wide, and the tousled ends of his hair matches the bottle-blue waves behind him, and he is so close that his giggles breathe life back at you. Your hands are flush along his back where they belong. The sandy grasp treasures the tide.
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gendertrickster · 8 months
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i find very cool how you're dating the writer of the comic you were (still are) swooning over
it's literally so fucking funny. you guys cannot even comprehend all the reasons why this is the funniest shit ever
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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solace-seekers · 3 months
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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bunnihearted · 7 months
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📓🖊️🧸
#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk#my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me#nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her#so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333#anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :((#but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol)#then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude#they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he#pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole??????#got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :((#it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back#hurt so bad too sksksks :<#but i managed to write a little but on my assignment#then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad#wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk#felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣#now a few hours later i feel better physically#buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding#idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better#like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T#im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :((#and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all#im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks#i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!!#i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :(#but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all#mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk
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mossflower · 1 year
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finished homestuck!! and adding it to my ever growing list of ‘media near-universally labelled as cringe that actually kinda slaps’
#like i won’t lie parts of it? terrible. i can’t even begin to piece together half of the lord english plot#but i think a lot more of it was actually really really good. especially act 4 and act 5 they were my favourite hands down#act 6 not so much. like separately? i loved the alpha kids and the dancestors and the concept of the cherubs was really interesting#but somewhere the execution fell short. it’s gonna annoy me cause i can’t figure out why#i think it might be the retcon. which i didn’t hate as an idea!! but it occurred closer to the end than i thought it would#i feel like if they’d explored the impact of the retcon more it might have flowed better?? idk#idk. act six as a whole i’m split on. i either loved what it did or was massively confused and exasperated by what it did#it’s like half of the comic and i got through it in about a week when it took me like a month to do acts 1-5#and it doesn’t feel like that much happened it’s weird#but yknow. it is the act that sold me on vriska!! like i liked her before but i really liked her ghosting it up in this act#the bit where ghost vriska and ghost terezi found each other nearly had me in tears#vrisrezi as a whole. what a concept. easily one of the best dynamics in the entire thing#i really hope terezi finds vriska post-canon. however i’m not sure if i want to read the epilogues and homestuck 2 or not yet#ooh ooh also!! john fulfilling his quest slapped!! that’s probably one of my favourite bits in homestuck ngl#and omg. did not see davekat coming i won’t lie but i was v happy about it#k ill stop now bc i will end up listing half the characters and my favourite bits about them. and as fun as that would be#i really need to sleep haha#homestuck
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nomairuins · 21 days
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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I'm going to lose my fucking mind
#For context: I was going to make a post complaining about how lesbians don't have enough good musical theater duets#(like we have the love songs from 'The Color Purple' which're alright but doesn't match the passion or desperation present in the book imo#'Changing My Major' which is a great love song but doesn't hit that sweet duet spot#'Dance With You' and the last verse of 'You Happened' from The Prom are sweet but the girls barely get to actually sing about each other#Honestly 'Oh Well' from Love In Hate Nation comes closest to what I want but it ends on a bittersweet note unless you see the show live#If only Elphaba and Glinda were canon...#But anyway. I can't believe that there's an adaptation of The Color Purple coming in the year of our lord 2023 and this is#how they're talking about Shug Avery. Her *role model*. Lock up your *husbands*. Ick. Pfaff.#I mean they're going to be gay. You can't get around that. But Shug is the love of her life. Can we please talk about that in the character#Don't mind me I'm just over here overreacting#From what I've read one of the biggest adaptational changes in the musical is her reaction to Shug's affair.#Like in the book Shug is the one light in her life. I sobbed myself to sleep over her nosedive in self-worth when they took a break#In the musical she's just...fine with it? I get why that's more satisfying emotionally but I still think it undermines their relationship#I don't get the curse thing either. I'm a little fuzzier on this part but in the book doesn't she just leave him and she's able to thrive?#Then when he asks her to get back together she's able to just know that the worst with Shug or alone is better than the best with him?#This book man. I hate that there isn't an adaptation as devoted to the Celie/Shug relationship as the book is.#Hate that the only recommendation I've seen calling it a sapphic book was from someone who thought that Celie's letters were to her lover#I remember watching this steamy adaptation of a Shakespeare play in soph Eng and seething because they only kiss once in the 1985 movie#Ig I can't expect too much from 1985 but...it was in the book! It was one of the most important parts! They don't even live together in it!#This was all to say I wast a lesbian 'Green Green Dress' a lesbian 'Home' a lesbian 'Natasha & Anatole' a lesbian Legally Blonde finale#The list goes on#I'm sure The Color Purple (2023) will be a good adaptation and movie. I will not pop blood vessels while watching it.#Maybe I should just avoid press releases and the movie will surprise me in a good way.
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jorvikzelda · 3 months
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adding this to the list of Severely fucking stupid absrad deaths
BUT!! (under cut so as to not Clog)
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we fucking got there in the end baby
(did a couple tries for radiant, then was Swept Away by the Migraine. We’ll get there.)
#z talks#hk#hollow knight#uhhhh. yeah i sat and played for like 6 hours (with a lunch break). relevant is also that i Slept for 6 hours (max).#and the whole day i had a headache sneaking up on me and i was like. Nooooo it’d just a tension headache I don’t have any migraine symptoms#(voice of guy who’s stubbornly ignoring their light and sound sensitivity to keep fighting absrad)#And then eventually it. Got so bad i couldnt focus on the game anymore. And i was like. Ok thats it no more game.#And then went to pick up a package (literal 300m walk) Both bc it was the last day to pick it up And to be like ok. If this is a tension -#- headache itll get Better. If it’s a migraine itll get Worse.#I’m fine the walk THERE. But then about halfway home it’s fucking Go Time for the migraine lmfaoooooo#(it was also Hot. and Sunny.)#by the time i got home i was like a solid. 9. on the uh. 1-10 pain scale. GREAT.#anyway then i took my prescription sumatriptan BELOVED and it got better within the hour and now im down to like a . 1-2#which is so insanely good like. that never happens to me even when i DONT have a migraine. LMAO#anyway. this has been the fucking. Daily ted talk about my chronic migraine#dont worry a 9 isnt. Well it is a lot. But it’s not NEW .#happens occasionally#it hurts a Fucking Lot#i didnt even clock it as a 9 at first i was like. god… why would an 8 hurt this bad…#and then i iced my head for 15 minutes and it got better and i could think better and was like. wait no THIS is the 8. THAT was a NINE#im just glad i have fucking medication for it now#before i had to survive on PARACETAMOL. didnt do jack shit#had i not had the sumatriptan i Would still be in that much pain and probably writhing in bed unable to sleep lmfao#unmedicated chronic migraine Not Fun. do not try at home.
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roses-and-elixir · 5 months
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peridots-pixiwolf · 2 years
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hey guess who is actually and without exaggeration crying over ultrakill
#peridots-nonsense#ultrakill#ok so. i'm emotional right now. this has been stated. what also has been stated is the fact that this is my 2nd playthrough on a new device#first time i finished it was in november and while altars of apostasy does make me pretty sad that's about the limit to ultkill emotions.#it's really funny actually because i was so excited for heresy. i took longer to beat act 2 than i did the first time around cause i wanted#to improve on the levels (p-ranks and challenges and secrets. y'know. still haven't done 5-S yet though). so i had more time to anticipate#specifically. Gabe's rematch. i was THRILLED!!! i don't even know why!!!!! but i never stopped smiling the whole time i was fighting him!!!#it got so bad the first time i got to his second phase that i had to actually pause for the better part of a minute from stimming so hard!!#grinning like an idiot for five minutes straight!!! no fight or game has EVER made me feel that way before.#the hk collector is a fun fight for sure and i sometimes get happy going up against characters i like from any games. however#it fades as i get into the fight. it's never been nearly that grand. i was singing a lot too but sleeping family made it more of a whisper#i ended up spending 24 minutes on it with 58 restarts. and yet i was ECSTATIC the whole time. i can see what it felt like to him now lol#so. instantly on the verge of tears when i beat him. and when i got past the ending cutscene i broke. i love this game so so much...#idk. sure this could've been a text to my friends or something but i do not care you all will hear of this#cause this is the best thing ever actually. brb going to go tear up again though
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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danielnelsen · 6 months
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always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds
#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN#personal#im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so#im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so.#the energy’s doing Great#and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing#genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed????????#i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then#im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms#usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way#but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with#so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare?#still more sick than i’ve been in……..years?#im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week#this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer#hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!!#and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like—#starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis#im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune#i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months#idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)
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