#watching the post game coverage and him talking about how impressive everyone is

[tiger-balm]

stevie is literally the sweetest EVER

[neonponders]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you for tagging me @lazybakerart 💗💋

I’ve got two big writing projects on my plate this week lol but one thing I’m kind of indulging is a break-up/getting back together fic that I actually started in this post, but I’ll share what I have so far underneath the cut ~

(and excuse me while I overshare, because I’m still stupidly proud of this The Mummy_au post that I made if anyone wants a taste of that)

Tagging (if you want) ✨ @ghostofjellyfishforgotten , ✨ @smashmouth-hargrove , and ✨ @withoneheadlight 

(also just a heads up for the wip below: it’s once again me exploring my own asexuality through Steve, but I don’t know how far I’m going to go into it. Still, that might be a content warning people may need if they’re sex-repulsed 🌹)

Ch. 1

Sex with Billy was fine. Good, even.

When they finally moved past every look and touch being a threat veiled in a tease, Steve enjoyed looking at Billy. He enjoyed looking at Billy and discovering those California eyes already on him. He liked Billy’s hands. The man had beautiful hands; strong, thick fingers but...somehow elegant.

He liked Billy’s body, even though he sometimes worried that the guy seemed determined to break it ten different ways. Cigarettes, alcohol, excessive working out, and sometimes all at the same time.

Sex didn’t always mean Steve got to cum. Usually he didn’t, actually. But he enjoyed Billy’s kisses on his neck, and the taste of his tongue, and - admittedly - he loved just having all of Billy’s attention enraptured on him. Steve didn’t mind taking his dick inside because once he got used to it, that felt surprisingly good. When he managed the pleasurable sparks and sensational tingles that mounted into something explosive, he understood why sex was great. But for the more frequent, calm nights, he’d come to think of it as a weird yet pleasant massage.

So he took it. Because it was easier on his hands and knees, for one, and because Billy had a control complex. And Steve could hide his lack of enthusiasm.

Not to say that Billy was selfish or careless. Far from it, Billy Hargrove was an incredibly doting lover. Big surprise, there. Considering how the guy

Well

Existed.

Steve couldn’t really blame Billy for never noticing that he could go a long time without sex. Because Steve liked resting his hand on Billy’s chest while they watched a show or movie. It didn’t matter how much bare skin he had access to. In fact, the more coverage, the better. A clothed body is better to cuddle with than skin that can get sticky or irritated.

Steve liked kissing. He’d always liked kissing. Kissing was the reason he’d assumed he was like everyone else: the desire to kiss, crushes and girlfriends, masturbating, even the giddiness of sex with someone new.

But something fizzled out very quickly in Steve’s brain. Once hands and intent started moving beneath clothing, Steve just...didn’t want it. Suddenly a lot of things popped into his brain that he’d rather be doing. But he persevered because he loved Nancy, and her blooming sexual prowess and bravery was sexy.

Fun.

Billy was a whole big bag of new with an edge of scary that turned out to be more endearing than Steve thought possible. So it was easy to go like that for a while.

Normal.

Eventually he had to admit to himself that he didn’t like taking showers at 1am because he didn’t enjoy being covered in his own, and Billy’s, sweat. He didn’t like feeling the drips on his skin or the tackiness of too many skin oils on his hands.

He hated admitting to himself that he felt relief whenever Billy went out of town for work. He missed Billy, of course, but a lot of things had begun to snowball together in Steve’s life: changing jobs, managing bank accounts and savings, and there were a lot of truths Steve was facing outside of his relationship.

He was tired. Damn tired. He spent many days off wondering if people in their twenties feel this tired all the time or if it was just him. It must just be him. Because Steve sees Robin just as much as he doesn’t. She’s got goals.

And Billy

Billy has big dreams. He’s ready to work damn hard and already is. That’s why he uses his hefty gas money funds, to travel around. Scout the areas. Steve even drove him to the airport once, so Billy could really gain some distance over the weekend. Expand his network.

As if the universe knew, some bigwig passing through Hawkins on their way to Chicago ran right into Billy. A bigwig looking for a handsome, charismatic, young guy to mentor. It really couldn’t be more perfect than divine intervention. They’re Billy’s inlet to the business. Modeling, acting, freaking UNICEF ambassadorial work if he wants to feel extra important. If he gets big enough to have his face mean something around the world.

Within one conversation, he’s got a business card, and an appointment in a Chicago skyscraper next week to take measurements and do a rudimentary photo shoot. The manager warns him that it’s the agency getting to know him, but like any job interview, it’s his chance to interview them right back. Billy likes that a lot—feeling like he has a stake in something instead of just being a corporate pawn. And maybe he eats right out of the manager’s hand, but it’s still a shot. And he’s taking it.

He immediately goes to Steve’s work, fired up from seeing a future for the first time like he finally got the right prescription glasses. The only caveat is that Billy has to move out of Hawkins, which isn’t even a flaw, really. It’s as close to perfect as life’s ever been for him.

Steve can only listen quietly as he sits at the table in the break room. Because Billy’s got big dreams that are already coming true. Every detail of his enflamed speech is given over pacing feet; he can’t even bother to sit at the table. Billy’s got so much energy he’s already mentally and emotionally out the door.

Steve…isn’t. His mental health has been on a downward slope since before they graduated, and it won’t allow him to reach anywhere. He doesn’t have any dreams to steer him in any direction anyways.

Billy’s rant begins to wind down about what he wants to do; his fire about his dreams and his motivation simmers down to an even boil. Steve’s impressed and already proud of the person Billy will become, but Steve can also hear Billy’s frustration with him and their relationship.

For not keeping up.

Steve’s…kind of never been able to keep up. In bed or in life.

And perhaps the saddest part is that Steve doesn’t even have it in him to fight for it. For them. He doesn’t feel worthy enough to hold Billy back. So he doesn’t.

Billy snaps a little, “Why aren’t you saying anything? I’ve been talking about this for the last two years! Steve?”

He’d gotten distracted by looking at his backpack hanging on the wall. Steve’s throat hurt. Two years? God, it’s really been two years already…

He pinched his fingertips over the table as he began, “Billy, I support you. I know you can get there—wherever it is you want to be. I’m not going to tell you to stop or slow down. You’re going somewhere. But I’m…”

He took a breath to finally say it. “Not. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t think I have the energy to figure it out any time soon. You should go.”

Steve can see the disappointment sinking through Billy’s features. And the anger that he’s so used to throwing up as a shield. Billy has so much energy coursing through him as it is, Steve can’t blame him for swinging right into the direction of livid.

The real surprise comes from how soft he speaks. No yelling. No hitting the table. No wrenching Steve up by his green uniform vest. They were long past those outbursts. Which…really just confirmed Steve’s decision. Billy had come a long way. He could go so much further.

“That’s what you have to say? Just like that…you’re really giving up on us?”

Steve knows he’s gaping like a stupid fish. But it isn’t just like that, is it? Billy’s been revving his engines to get the hell out of Hawkins ever since he got here in the first place. Steve tries to say as much, but Billy cuts him off.

“I thought you’d be excited for this. You should be hauling me out of here to pack my bags.”

Steve tries to offer a small smile, but his voice betrays him. “I thought I kind of am? I didn’t take you for the long distance type.”

It’s not the response Billy wants. That should make Steve feel better than it does; the blatant display that Billy wants more of Steve. His excitement, his attention, maybe his companionship…

Steve doesn’t know what he wants—or rather, he does. That’s the issue. Billy’s wants and Billy’s problems can all be resolved by leaving one critical piece behind.

Steve.

Some more things are said, but Steve doesn’t do well on the spot. Especially when the limelight is Billy. Steve fails the tests and he fails the interview. Billy storms out, leaving Steve at the table, pinching his fingertips white before he unconsciously glances at his backpack again.

The backpack full of apartment lease papers. The papers Steve’s already signed because even with his insecurities, the mornings he woke up to discover Billy spooning him after having returned in the middle of the night were his best days. Because Billy’s silly insistence on hand poured coffee was his favorite drink. Because Billy was funny and weird like an artist and loony like a nerd with his video games, and Steve knew—or at least hoped that—Billy loved him the day he started holding his hand while driving that stupid, loud, beloved Camaro—

Because Steve’s heart was a magnet. It stayed where it landed and tugged back even when pulled away.

All he’d needed was Billy’s autograph to be given the keys. Keys to the rest of their lives, if Billy wasn’t already so far away.

Ch. 2

Robin gripped Steve’s arm, hard. A gargled sound escaped him as he grimaced and tried to pry her hand off. Her other hand pointed at one of the catalogues on the store’s many counters. When he invited her with him to pick out glasses, he hadn’t expected to walk out of the freaking optometrist’s office with bruises…

Nor had he thought he’d see a familiar face in the catalogue. Plenty of models were looking editorial chic, advertising that anyone could look as good in whatever glasses they chose.

Except Billy really did look good. The picture was just a vague image outside, the camera focused on Billy’s three-quarter profile gazing off past the photographer.

“I didn’t expect him to actually be working this fast,” Robin admitted. “It’s been…what? Seven months, give or take? I thought casting calls for models were competitive.”

“Not if you look like Billy,” Steve huffed with a quiet mixture of humor, sadness, and just a sprinkle of spite. A sprinkle of jealousy, if he was being honest with himself. The self-help book tucked under the covers of his bed talked about honesty. So he admitted honestly, “He looks that good and knows how to stand out in a room…good for him.”

He could see in his periphery Robin looking up and scrutinizing him. “Really?”

Steve shrugged with a nod. “Yeah. What’s the other option? Him struggling for work?”

Robin sighed and plucked a display set of glasses at random to try on and occupy herself. “That’s big of you, but everyone wants something cathartic. It’s annoyingly impressive that he landed the front cover of a magazine in less than a year.”

Steve opened the catalogue to give them both a reprieve. “You wanna get food after this? Take your mind off the audition?”

For all the good being a band geek did, Robin had experienced her own humbling experiences over the last few months. Like failed auditions to be in city orchestras. She and Steve were feeling very stuck in Kansas while Billy gallivanted around Oz.

• • • • • • •

The plot gets messy because years will actually go by, and Steve and Robin get married so that they can share insurance benefits (and be safe in their bi/lesbian open relationship, buy a house together, etc. It’s the life/happiness security Steve wants but obviously there aren’t any romantic feelings).

Of course this is when Billy happens to reenter Steve’s life. He’s got some hot-shot model he’s been seeing, and apparently Steve is married so there’s the added dash and twist of ~ cheating ~

I’ve been in some kind of mood, all right.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading lol.

[curious-minx]

A ranking of four 200 Hundredth Episodes: Bob’s Burgers’ recent victory lap stands above the rest

The Bicentennial. How many among us get to be a part of something that get’s broadcasted for over 200 episodes? In the world of animated sitcoms it is a small, Fox dominated burrow. Bob’s Burgers is the latest series to become bestowed with this particular honor, and is possibly the best of the Fox line-up to do so. Family Guy’s 200th episode, Season 11 - Episode 12,  is the only Fox series to be given a full blown on-air anniversary treatment. The episode is a Valentine themed Brian and Stewie lark and like all of the other entries on this list celebrates it’s 200th episode anniversary in a more casual, blithe fashion. Family Guy is the only show Fox has bothered to air an entire half hour  special, but months before the actual airing of the 200th episode in Februrary. I am deliberately skipping over Family Guy and South Park’s 200th episodes. In the former’s stead I chose to watch American Dad’s 200th episode, because McFarlane is such a titan in adult animation that deserves recognition. The South Park episode is too exhausting for me to get into. South Park’s 200th episode, Season 14 - Episode 05, is the one that evoked the wraith of a  New York based Radical Muslim organization that would soon be “shut down” (i.e. members arrested) a few months after the episode aired on April, 2010. The 200th episodes of South Park and the Simpsons are the only two series to have received Emmy nominations, and in Simpsons case a win, due to their 200th episodes. Here’s hoping for Bob’s Burgers to get a similar recognition, because I think its 200th episode is pretty special and straight to the point.

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1.) Bob’s Burgers - “Bob Belcher and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Kids” 

Out of all the 200 episodes is episode the most consciously in conversation with itself. The 200th episode has been treated with a reasonable amount of respect with The A.V. Club bringing their Bob’s Burgers coverage out of retirement and Variety and Salon also got into the mix. Gotta be honest a part of me over at The Curious Minx would prefer if the Bob’s Burgers recap lane was kept on the narrower side, but on the other hand this is a fabulous series that should be written about by as many different publications. 

In a recent  tired and routine zoom Variety interview (https://variety.com/2020/tv/news/bobs-burgers-remote-recording-200th-episode-1234830796/) BB’s creator Loren Bouchard touches upon how this 200th episode is supposed to serve as something of a pilot. An episode so fully realized that even if you are someone with no active bank of knowledge about the Bob’s Burgers minutiae of the Belcher family dynamics and still enjoy this episode as much as a full blown series fan. The episode is written by Steven Davis, a producer and writer with an extensive amount of episode writing and producing credits on Bob’s Burgers. The quality of a Bob’s Burgers script in the pandemic era  is becoming more relevant, because of the diminished role of improv, and this episode definitely feels crafted by a creative team fully in touch and aware of their characters and how to put them in satisfying situations.

Compared to any of the other animated sitcom families, the Belchers are noticeably the more lower middle class. There is a pervading sense of an overall struggle for survival and prosperity that is cooked right into the series pilot debut. Season 1 - Episode 01 “Human Flesh” sets the tone of the series, despite the overall writing and characters being sharper, the stakes have not changed much. Bob’s Burger’s like any American restaurant not under the protective aegis of a Big Franchise is in a state of perpetual turmoil. In the pilot episode the difficulties of running a standard American restaurant are made even more complicated by dysfunctional family hijinks. 

The 200th episode differs from the pilot in one dramatic way and that is the presence of the extended Belcher family member Teddy. In the original pilot Teddy is completely absent, whereas in the 200th episode Teddy’s role as surrogate family member is made even most distinct by having Teddy being invested above and beyond in helping save his pal’s Bobby’s restaurant. The return of the ornery and quirky Health Inspectors Ron and Hugo are serving as the most obvious form of echoing of the pilot. I highly recommend rewatching the pilot after viewing this episode, because I had completely forgotten that the Belcher’s saving grace is that Hugo and Linda were once in a relationship together. The pilot is noticably very contained setting wise, focusing exclusively in and around the Belcher family restaurant. Whereas, the 200th episode explores more settings with the Belcher children going across town to find a replacement for Bob’s broken oven part, an oven that they feel they are entirely to blame for destroying. A couple of celebrity guests Stephanie Beatriz and SNL’s Kyle Mooney that true to Bob’s Burgers spirits are usually just playing characters of little to no consequence. Unlike the other Fox family in this list that really leans in on having celebrities playing themselves, the best celebrity guest appearances on Bob’s Burgers tend to be the most anonymous, and Kyle Mooney’s put upon hardware store clerk is a great example of this. 

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t dwell on the satisfying Linda contribution of the episode. Linda makes the critical set piece that ignites the restaurant fire. Linda’s gnarly mermaid sculpture is a great visual metaphor for the series. Especially when the Mermaid Statue is used to build up a very well constructed song-based gag. The whole episode made me feel really good about the state of the series and especially the Movie (And Loren Bouchard backs this up by giving interviewers the impression that the film’s delay has only improved its quality). As far as 200 episodes of long running animated sitcoms go, you certainly can’t go wrong with this one!

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2. King of the Hill - Hank’s Bully

By all accounts the most unremarkable episode on this list. An episode that also has a trollish spirit that gets a sadistic glee in tormenting the fuddy duddy Hill patriarch. This is the also the 200th episode with the lowest stakes, the least of a spectacle, and most unassuming 200th episode. While trying to research anything of note to include in my review of the episode all I could find was this reddit post (https://www.reddit.com/r/KingOfTheHill/comments/bpl235/hanks_bully_was_near_impossible_to_watch/) where a user is criticizing the way in which Hank it mistreated. When I was rewatching this episode my partner also found this episode hard to watch and sympathized with Hank’s plight against a Clifford-like malicious imp of a hateful child who’s sole purpose is to make the lives of everyone else around him more difficult. 

To me what most stands out about this episode is the fantastic direction by longtime King of the Hill animator, former Bob’s Burgers animator, and current Rick and Morty director, Kyoung Hee Lim. A seemingly badass woman  working in a field that is not particularly kind to women or to women of color. I am pretty shocked that no one in all of her years as a director on some pretty important shows has brought her up or did an interview piece on her. Maybe this is something the good folks at The Curious Minx can aspire to? I am definitely going to be taking a further dive into the 22 episodes of King of the Hill that she directed and revisit the 15 episodes of Bob’s Burgers to see if I can discern what makes a Kyoung Hee Lim episode. 

One major ploy detail that I noticed in this episode, a detail that is also oddly prevalent on the other two 200th episodes, is the trash talk. And by that I do mean literal trash talk. The B-plot of this episode is what makes the episode pop for me in that the pairing of Dale and Peggy is a really successful one. The episode finds Dale frustrated with the Arlington Waste department and how they won’t take his refrigerator full of dead squirrels and his freeze full of dead crow. Dale then takes advantage of this dead blessing in disguise by getting into the world of competitive taxidermy with Peggy’s creative eye complimenting Dale’s gruesome technical prowess.   Both of these characters operate on such an oddly similar wave lengths that watching the two of them embark on a taxidermy journey together was strangely touching and fun to watch. And I am a vegan that feels weird about killing animals in video games, but the ending visual gag of the episode is especially inspired. My one complaint is that the episode is severely lacking in Bobby Hill. Probably because I just recently finished watching Better Things and basically want every show to be the Pamela Adlon show all the time. 

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3.) American Dad - “The Two Hundred”

Visually and conceptually this 200th episode really impressed me. As previously mentioned at the start of the post, I am not someone that is particularly warm to the McFarlane brand of comedy, but American Dad really is where he saves his best work for. This 200th episode got the complete opposite treatment of Family Guy. Airing on a Monday night on TBS this episode was pretty much given a shrug, but that does not tamper down any of its ambitions. The whole episode is basically a pastiche of Apocalyptic Dystopian alternative timeline tropes centering around an alone and traumatized by his past Stan. The episode has one of the most clever ongoing visual gags I have seen on a show where flash backs are teed up by Stan’s ridiculous new post apocalyptic tattoos. The core family and ancillary characters of American Dad are all given terrific moments to shine in this heightened post apocalyptic hellscape, and the key to any enduring series success if whether or not you can tell that the creatives involved respect and enjoy the characters that they are writing for. This being a McFarlane project there are a couple of embarrassing lines of dialogue from the show’s respective gay and Black characters and an over indulgence on Rodger based humor, but overall this 200th episode left me with more appreciation for this series as a whole. I will still always make sure to appreciate whenever a long running creative property takes stylistic swings and risks.While there is nothing particularly fresh or novel about a cannibal laden post apocalyptic wasteland this 200th episode managed to find some find fun character beats to subvert tropes or double down on them. The visual of a consistently on the move runaway train that is also mysteriously always on fire was also especially well executed. This episode could easily have been a series finale if the series hadn’t already played around with alternative timelines like in their Christmas specials. 

This episode also features more trash talk! One of Stan’s tattooed regrets revolves around Francine failing to get the trash picked up on trash day because Stan had purposely neglected to take it out. This rather odd pattern is about to make a whole lot of sense with the fourth and my least favorite 200th episode by the Simpsons.

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4.) The Simpsons - Trash of the Titans

How many more times can I impress upon you that the 200th episode  of your animated sitcom is an  an occasion for trash talk? One more time. This 200th episode of The Simpsons is by far the most trash centric 200th episode of them all. The first animated adult sitcom to get over the 200th episode hump, the 200th episode  “Trash of the Titans” has some fun real-world trivia attached to it, but other than that this is one of the lesser “Golden Era” Simpsons offerings by a long shot. 

My primary source on contention with the episode lies in the direction Homer takes in most of the episode. A 2016 Uproxx (https://uproxx.com/media/simpsons-donald-trump-hillary-clinton/) article gained traction and a Wikipedia citation by comparing Homer’s antics to that of possible former rising Dictator Donald Trump. The episode involves Homer acting at his absolute most abhorrent in an election to boot, and his behavior in this episode is some of the most irredeemable Homer has ever been. The article oddly neglects to make note of the fact that Homer in this episode also makes similar slights against Mexico, referring it to an inherently “dirtier” country.  The episode ends on a truly groan inducing aged as fine as old socks in the cheese drawer with a crying Native American gag. Ah 1998 when we could pretend that the Crying Native American commercial was just silly social commentary and not racial minstrelsy. 

There is also one other instance that didn’t sit well with me and that’s when Homer is seen physically assaulting a woman working the booth at a U2 concert. I could handle the bullish descent into crooked politician, but watching Homer violently push a woman out of the way felt out of place. A retread of all the growth and development we’ve seen him go through over the course of 200 episodes. Of the other three patriarchs discussed on this list a Homer Simpson centric plot tend to not work as well for me especially if you compare him to the other animated TV fathers. 

The episode also features two celebrity guest spots. One made by Steve Martin who does a good job becoming more or less unrecognizable as the original Springfield Sanitation Commissioner Ray Patterson. The other celebrity guest appearance is more of an ill-portent of signs to come with U2 playing themselves. Whenever a celebrity is playing themselves on The Simpsons it usually does not work out. Not everyone can be used to advance a plot as seamlessly as Barry White. Although it is funny, funny in a “oh, we were so much simpler” sort of way that this episode garnered controversy and a ban on UK television over U2 and Mister Burns’ use of the word, “wanker.” Flash forward to 2009 and Bono is once again throwing around his favorite cheeky pejorative this time in reference to fellow earnest bland frontman Chris Martin (https://www.music-news.com/news/UK/24741/Read). 

Resting Wanker Face

The other fun factoid about this episode once again is not related to the show, but the show’s influence spilling out into the real world. In the late 80s and throughout the 90s, Adams Mine was an abandoned pit located somewhere in Ontario situated in a term I’m learning for the first time, the “Canadian Shield.” An exactly similar proposal is made by Homer Simpson during his reign of Sanitation Commissioner. This sweeping of trash under the rug does culminate into a satisfying visual gag as a climax that feels like a Garbage Pail Kid/Toxic Avenger version of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. More bizarrely and unfortunate, this episode also aired a week after the passing of Linda McCartney. How messed up is that? Couldn’t they just have waited at the end of the season or at least on an episode that doesn’t involve wallowing in filth? 

The episode features another developing bad habit in terms of the inclusion of songs and song parodies. There is virtually no connection to Willy Wonka in this episode other than the fact that both “Candy Man” and “Trash Man” have share a similar pronoun. Unlike the use of songs in Bob’s Burgers where they tend to be unique to the character’s reaction to dramatic consequence, on the Simpsons it’s more often than not a  a song for the sake of a song. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but why not go for a joke about parodying real musical trash titans, The Cramps, or even trash up a U2 song? On the episode’s Wikipedia entry in the Production section Matt Groening is quoted to saying that the visual gag of a department store sporting the slogan, “Over a Century Without a Slogan,” wasted a lot of man hours. So much effort and reach for a joke with a fraction of a minimal of pay off is essentially the Simpsons ethos in one visual gag. 

Once again, it bears repeating that this episode is also rewarded for an Emmy. If you break down the episode as starting off as a satire of Holiday Commercialism with the creation of the cynical Love Day holiday and ending the episode as a foreboding parable about the very real ecological repercussions of improper waste management. This clearly sounds like classic Simpsons reverse engineering management. Instead this is a classic case of an episode of the Simpsons being more interesting to think about than it is to actually watch. This is also the 200th episode that least honors its central cast of characters. Marge and Lisa are both afforded meager moments of wisdom and decency, but Bart is more or less even more irrelevant to the plot than Bobby Hill was on his 200th episode. 

As for today it seems like the only Simpsons anniversary that will likely rouse any more attention it’s way will be the 1,000th episode.. Think how much more trash we as a collective species will have made by the time that milestone roils around!

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In Conclusion:

When you start to make 200 episodes of anything the one feeling that seems to creep up is one of, “taking out the trash,” or you’re making art out of trash. Trash being a metaphor for the entire medium of Television. The TV market is an ever growing landfill, one of America’s Rapiest Dads made a whole cartoon about kids living and learning life lessons in a junk yard. So much of Television is only a means of  mass marketing  ground up pieces of detritus. Then you’re supposed to be grateful that your detritus gets to be a bumper for advertisements and the occasional merchandising. You’re an adult, you’re not supposed to take cartoons seriously. They are empty calories, brain noise, and at best background noise. Yet they are the only types of shows that can consistently manage to get over well over the 200 episode mark. At least back before the Netflix business model of show’s only deserving 1.5 seasons. 

Bob’s Burgers is reaching its 200th episode in an unfathomable media landscape, one that is completely demolished and in the process of being rebuilt from the aftermath of the coronavirus. The 2020s could be a turning point for animation going forward, animation is a severely grueling and technically difficult sector. This newfound interest in the medium may finally be  the financial boost and support that it dearly needs in order to properly pay artists for their work. The creators of these series may not think of what they do as art and to keep themselves afloat have to think of the act of bringing an animated sitcom into the world as necessary as taking out the trash. Our trash is a mirror. Inside the landfill we see our own morals and values reflected right back at us. Bringing forth life means a lot of shit. With every year you keep an infant human alive that means (x) amount of disposable diapers piled up. I suggest we make like the Belcher children and try to salvage our trash, put a wig on our trash, put a crop top on our trash, paint some lashes on your trash, because we’re all in the end up going to be put into the ground (beef). 

[hydrospanners]

fic masterlist: swtor

at the request of literally no one, i’ve created a masterlist of all my swtor fic. first is a chronological collection of all the swtor fic i’ve written in my “canon”. it’s broken up into snippets of time relative to the events of swtor. aus and gift fics are at the end. this is more for me than anything else, but if you have a bunch of time on your hands and want to read some fic--enjoy!!!

i am the most self-indulgent author known to man so there are numerous fics that don’t feature any canon characters in any significant way. i’m not sorry, but i did mark them with an asterisk for everyone’s edification. i also wrote actually vaguely descriptive descriptions instead of whatever bullshit i put in the descriptions on ao3. all links go to ao3 because tumblr was not designed for reading and it shows.

53 fics below the cut... what a trip, y’all.

backstory these fics are about things that happened before the opening of the class story. 

* a very velaran life day - snippets of different life days in the velaran family history. no canon characters in it yet, but maybe this christmas i’ll get to some fics that aren’t solely about my own ocs.

* the shape of things to come - the story about how rea finally joined the jedi at the ripe old age of sixteen.

* a dimming star - the first steps on rea’s jedi path. they aren’t fun ones, lads!

* necessary sacrifice - like three years down the timeline and still no canon characters! rea continues to struggle with this whole being a jedi thing, and it continues to struggle with her! this one features a haircut as a symbol of a turning point in the story.

bars and stripes - canon characters??? in my fic????? its more likely than you think. this is a shameless ripoff of an episode of m*a*s*h masquerading as doc backstory. does it have cameos and/or mentions of other healer companions? maybe!!!

prelude these are fics set during the prologue of the class stories, everything that happens between the start and completing the capital planet missions. 

* memories - rhese? do you finally get a say in all this??? this is the moment rhese and rea finally see each other for the first time since they were recruited to the jedi, set at the very start of the class story.

attachments - kira and rea talk about rhese. that’s it. that’s the fic.

act one all the stories set between killing tarnis and beginning preparations to capture the emperor (everything after coruscant ending and pubside balmorra starting). rip orgus. one day ill finish all those wips about how sad it was when he bit it. in the mean time, can i interest you in some gifsets?

lessons - now rea’s padawan, kira reflects on how bad rea is at teaching, though maybe without as much clarity as i just implied.

a tangled web - so stupid it’s basically crack, kira has to rescue rea from an embarrassing situation.

of flowers, failure, and the virtues of friendship - kira and rhese start to bond over the shared torment of having to be around rea. rivals to friends (one day i’ll write the “to lovers” part that comes after).

act two all the stories during the time when the knight is prepping for the assault on the emperor’s fortress and then assaulting it. everything between pubside balmorra starting and breaking free from the emperor’s fortress after that super successful plan to bring him in alive. great job jedi!

filling the table - is that shipfic????? the reason i started writing swtor fic in the first place??? this is rea being thirsty disguised as me sewing seeds for the eventual doc x rea romance. pazaak themed for some reason? (doc x rea)

when the wicked play - this is me being obsessed with the translation of video game violence to vaguely realistic circumstances posing as doc feeling some kind of way about rea murdering a whole bunch of dudes who wanted to hurt her but weren’t powerful enough. not primarily romantic but definitely some setup for their relationship.

night shift -  everything is doc x rea and nothing hurts. rea’s got work to do but who can work when there’s a horny mustachio’d doctor trying to persuade her back to bed??? it’s not love it’s just good sex!!!!! honest!!!!(doc x rea)

these nights never seem to go to plan - rea isn’t yearning for affection, she’s just too tired to get out of doc’s bed after so much boning. okay maybe this is about slightly more than good sex after all... doc x rea TENDERNESS.

somewhere we’ve not been before - this is the good shit lads!!!! doc x rea!!! first dates!!!! shenanigans!!!! honest to goodness falling in love between all that fucking that do!!!!!!!!!!!! (doc x rea)

no better taste - a sequel to the last fic featuring the morning after!!! some post-horniness introspection!! tenderness!!!!!! hints of yearning!!! god i miss the days before the mind control and the carbonite when the problems were normal things like commitment and abandonment issues. (doc x rea)

heart - rea sends doc a rocking “thanks for the great sex” gift!! rhese is disgusted by every part of it! this is comedy folks!!!! (doc x rea... i guess)

interruptions - rea takes a work call while she’s boning doc. that’s the whole fic. i think this was my first spicy fic?? i can’t remember. (doc x rea)

* where you go to rest your bones - sibling tenderness!!!! their relationship is super complicated, but rhese is reminded that underneath all the bullshit rea really does love him a lot.... it’s both sad and not sad at the same time. schroedinger’s sadness.

gifts - the crew tries to plan a gift for rea, but what do you get for the woman who’s banned from everything?? so dumb it’s basically crack and i’m not sorry for it.

crapshoot - the crew takes bets on what rea’s next Bad Idea TM will be. she shows them you can’t predict chaos. basically crack but i don’t care.

spoonful of sugar - vignettes about the jedi knight crew dealing with sickness. almost entirely comedy and/or fluff. doc x rea content is present and rhese x kira content is suggested.

a little eggstra - grocery shopping gone awry, based on an old tumblr text post. hella stupid, yet hella fun. doc x rea is in the background.

to break our bones for kindling - you thought we were just having good times??? you’re a fool. doc’s job is to heal people and rea’s job is to break them. sometimes they have work-related disagreements!!! be sad with me. doc x rea.

* when a problem comes along, you must whip it - i can only stop being stupid for so long, so here’s the story about how rea came to possess her lightwhip, the stupidest weapon known to man. these events do not go well for rhese.

things unsaid - a dumb doc x rea drabble about stupid shit rea says when she’s been mortally wounded. if doc were to just let her die, no one would blame him.

* the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one - a bit of a character/relationship study about what rhese is willing to sacrifice for love of his sister, no matter how complicated things are between them. a second chapter about what rea sacrifices for rhese is in my wips and will be completed... .eventually. 

lovesick - doc x rea ship content. my interpretation of that one conversation where doc’s like “hey would your jedi powers tell me if im going crazy also do you love me? check yes or no. i will not elaborate.”

* the things we left behind - oh no lads.... we’re building up to the fortress shit.... our good times are over. rea does some underhanded shit to make sure her brother doesn’t go on this mission to capture the emperor cause the plan does not seem like a great one.

act three wow wasn’t act two fun??? so much silly nonsense and love. now get a drink assholes it’s Time To Be Sad. act three covers everything in the class stories after coming back from that super successful assault on the emperor’s fortress (great job jedi!) to finally stabbing the bastard in the dark fortress and hoping that gets the job done at last. (spoilers: it doesn’t!!!!!) aka stories from belsavis to the final assault on dromund kaas.

everything we left there - it’s trauma time!!! rea’s fucked up from the fortress and feeling the pressure (thanks for the prophecy scourge!!! love that!!!!) so she hurts people she cares about to protect them. it’s her signature move!

the only thing that’s real - rea continues to be fucked up from what happened on the fortress but hey... at least she isn’t fucked up alone??? sad doc x rea content.

into the jungle - the gang is on belsavis and no one is having a good time! since rea isn’t herself, doc tries to pick up the slack and reassure kira that it’ll all be okay! it goes about as well as you’d expect.

interlude now that i’m looking at it, there are some serious gaps in my fic coverage. anyway, sad hours are over, the emperor is (kind of but not really) dead and there may still be a war on but things are looking up! this covers everything between the emperor’s death and the beginning of kotfe, including forged alliances and the shadow of revan.

hands too hungry - doc finally takes rea on that honeymoon she didn’t really care about in the first place! tragically, rea is way too horny to be impressed by what an amazing vacation he planned for himself them. peak rea x doc content.

no kind of romantic - it’s doc and rea’s one year anniversary but they are both working on opposite sides of the galaxy. sad! it’s doc x rea fluff disguised as angst.

a little help from a friend - rea and theron are worst/best friends and i recycle romance tropes into annoying friendship ones. this is the least sexy sharing body heat fic you’ve ever (not?) read. bite me.

retirement - rea has some feelings about her very violent, stressful job and how it interferes with her husband doing things that actually help and heal. doc x rea content.

the dreaded kotfe content these are sad hours!!! this is everything from arcann’s invasion on, cause i’m not breaking it up by post-carbonite storyline you bastards. i don’t know why i’m being so hostile no one asked me to do this.

every doubt we had - after watching what may have been his sister’s death by exploding starship, rhese is having trouble sleeping. no one is more surprised than him when seeks out doc for comfort! doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity. carbonite angst...

love is a waiting game - rea’s been MIA for six months since the ship she was on bit it and her crew is finally making some changes. doc is sad about it. doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity again. doc x rea angst.

waiting - some time has passed and now rhese is the sad one again!!! grief is so funny isn’t it??? hahahaha haha hahahaha why is no one else laughing? doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity yet again.

the greatest distance - rea’s back baby!!!! oh but this isn’t a celebration. she’s taking a tour of her long lost ship now that all the people she loved aren’t in it. it’s a sad one, fellas. 

* when the stars are the only thing we share - rea tracks down some people from her past to help her track down her brother since he went missing while she was having a nap. no canon characters were used in the making of this fic.

leave her sleeping a little longer - rea has a dream and wakes up missing doc even more than she was before. sad hours. doc x rea angst.

take back what the kingdom stole - after theron pulls some Shenanigans (you know the ones) his friendship with rea is in peril. they both break character and actually talk shit out for once.

a wish your heart makes - rea dreams a dream. so does doc. it’s a wet one. this makes it sound lighthearted but actually it’s angst with a side of porn. doc x rea supreme spicy/sad content.

overserved - back to crack baby!! rea gets drunk and acts a fool based on a joke made in a discord server. this is the best shit i’ve ever written.

thrusting back into my skin i feel anew - the band is back together again and everything is fine!!!! just kidding -- actually people change a lot in six years and rea and doc are having some trouble fitting back into the marriage they had back then. doc x rea angst but with a hopeful ending!

non-canon fics i’ve written a couple of things with my dumb characters that are too stupid even for me to put into their canon story or are otherwise aus. these are them, listed in no particular order.

the lies we tell ourselves - a sadder (yet possibly more realistic) take on the ossus reunion and what follows. a bit experimental. doc x rea angst au.

archiban frodrick’s kennel - a romance au where doc is a vet and rea has a pet with a health issue, inspired by my own stupid dog whom i love very much. doc x rea. spiciness suggested but not detailed; sorry horndogs.

fallen - a fun au where rea’s shittiness as a teacher and everything being bad leads to kira falling to the dark side... its angst lads.

the new recruit - rusk’s squad adopts a kitten. that’s the fic.

cruel - ever wonder how things would have turned out if rea was never smuggled off eriadu and got plucked up by the sith?? no??? well i have and i wrote about it. the self-indulgence never ends.

fill my lungs with sweetness - a gift fic for @hoiist; flower-themed vignettes about doc expressing his love for hoiist’s knight, vii. this is some real soft shit, lads.

remember me, love - another gift fic for @hoiist; this time some ossus-flavored angst about doc seeing through vii’s eyes in his dreams. what he sees is not comforting!!! all aboard the angst train--choo choo!!

[wearesungreenmylove]

Chapter Nine: Quidditch Is What Brings Us Together Today

Word Count: 2077

masterlist // previous // next

Luna’s tumblr is @stanverscom

also on ao3 and wattpad

The Hogwarts Express seems different this time. It's where Scorpius and I say hello on September 1st and goodbye at the end of the school year. I guess this time’s just different because he lived with me for a month during the summer before his dad was deemed fit to live at home again. So there's that. But there's also the familiarity with going to Hogwarts on September 1st on the train that calms my nerves.

I haven't seen him in 3 weeks. Will he have dyed his hair like he did second year? Will he have cut his hair short? I inhale and exhale. Checking the time on my wristwatch I'm surprised when it clicks over to 10:57. Where's Scorpius? He's usually here by now. I look all around the platform, but I don't see any sign of his or his father's unique white-blond hair. I start to panic when the clock ticks to 10:58. Everyone still on the platform is wishing their child goodbye as they usher them onto the train.

Where is he?

I sigh in relief when he comes barreling through the brick wall and onto the station, pushing a trolley with his luggage and Andromeda. He slips past people, rolling his cart faster and faster to get across the platform.

He makes it on with a minute to spare.

I pet Gingersnap in between her ears while waiting for Scorpius to get to the compartment. “You’re so cute, aren’t you?” I press the pad of my finger to Gi’s nose.

The door opens, startling me.

“Hey,” says Scorpius, waving at me awkwardly.

“Hey! How was the rest of your summer?”

He shrugs. “It was alright. We did pretty normal things, like going to the opera.” He sets Andromeda’s cage down on the seat and unlatches it, letting her fly free around the compartment. She hops out, surveys her surroundings, then flies up to the luggage racks above our heads. She preens her wings, then lets her head rest in between her shoulders. Her body rocks slightly with every movement of the train.

I scoff. “I can’t believe she just settles right in like that.”

“Yeah,” he looks up at her. “It is pretty unbelievable.” He looks back at me and takes a seat on the red cushioned booth. “Anyway, how was your summer? Did you play any more quidditch with your family?”

I smile. “Yes, actually. We went over to Gramma and Grandpa Weasley’s house and we saw everyone right before school, so we had time to play a bunch of quidditch instead of doing any studying.”

“Wow.” He raises his eyebrow and teasingly says “You’re getting to be so rebellious. How dare you not like studying all the time?”

I laugh. “You actually gonna try out this year? I know you have rebellious tendencies of your own.”

Scorpius smirks. “Yep. Seeker. Will I see you there?”

I try to remain as nonchalant as possible. “Maybe,” I shrug.

....

“Join the Quidditch team!” Riley Aberforth, the new Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, stands in the common room, a pile of flyers in zir hands. “Plenty of openings!” One of last years’ beaters walks by, and ze throws a flyer at him and hexes it to stick to his clothes.

I feel a little bad- almost all of our old players graduated last year, and it’s hard to find people willing to juggle Quidditch and studies. “C’mon, Riley, now I’ll never get it off,” The beater complains, trying and failing to pull it off of his robe sleeve.

“That’s the idea,” Ze replies savagely, and he sighs.

“Hey-” Scorpius walks up to zir, scratching the back of his neck. “I was wondering when seeker sign-ups were?”

Aberforth looks immensely relieved. “Two weeks from now,” Ze said, passing a flier to him. “Don’t miss it.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Scorpius says and throws a wink over his shoulder at me.

‘Shut up,’ I mouth at him, and he chuckles as he disappears into the boy’s dormitories.

I watch as Aberforth sticks a flier to the wall with a permanent sticking charm.

Maybe there'll be an easy chaser spot, I think.

…

I exhale and grip the handle of my broom tighter. Now that I’m here, everything seems exaggerated. I look to the stands at Scorpius. He waves, and I smile awkwardly, waving back. I’m really doing this.

Scorpius had been talking about trying out for seeker since he came over for the summer, but I only decided to try out for the chaser position three days before tryouts. It left me with a bit of a time crunch but, well, too late to worry about that now.

“And… start!” Aberforth throws the quaffle straight up into the air. One of the other chasers gets to it first- she dives and twists up in a move that I, luckily, recognize from years of playing with Albus and his sneaky tricks. I get the ball from her easily, and in a whirl of movement, I’ve already scored.

Aberforth blows zir whistle and looks impressed. “Good job, Weasley!”

I blush, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s nothing, really,” I try to avoid, and ze smirks.

“Precisely,” Ze says, and throws the quaffle in the air once more.

...

It’s my turn.

There are a few assembled people- a blonde girl with bright eyes, a boy with comically oversized glasses- but most notably is Lorcan Scamander, looking completely out of place and practically swimming in his borrowed gear.

“Lorcan?” I ask, bewildered. “What’re you doing here?”

He jumps, then puffs out his chest, glaring. “I have every right to be here as you do,” He says defensively.

“Right, of course,” I say, “It’s just you don’t really seem… the type.” He manages to look even more outraged. “I can fly!”

“Right,” I say.

He finally deflates a little. “I mean, I heard Rosie was trying out, so I figured… why not?”

I blink.

He crosses his arms.

I blink again.

“Right,” I repeat.

He huffs and opens his mouth, clearly readying to lecture me, but luckily, Aberforth blows on zir whistle, and he closes his mouth.

“Alright, everyone know the rules?” Ze calls, and there’s no way ze isn’t using a sonorous charm. Even zir lungs aren’t that big.

Most people nod, but I frown. “No,” I say.

Ze sighs sharply. “Basically, I’m going to release the snitch.” Ze opens zir hand to reveal the snitch, wings fluttering against zir palm. “When someone catches it, my wand will flash- like so.” Ze lets it go, only to catch it out of the air immediately. Zir wand flashes a bright blue light twice. “When you catch it, release it immediately.”

“Okay,” I say.

“Whoever catches it the most times wins,” Ze finishes. “Three… two… one… go!” Ze lets it go, and immediately it takes off, zipping up into the sky and blending into the cloud coverage in the span of a blink.

Everyone scrambles to their brooms, Lorcan nearly falling off, and the game begins.

...

An hour of rigorous gameplay and half an hour of random, unannounced bludger attacks later, the game is over.

The blonde girl comes first with 13 catches.

I come at a close second with 8.

The boy with the glasses is third with 5.

Two angry-looking boys yell at each other in what sounds like French with a tie of 3.

Lorcan catches a grand total of 1.

Disappointed, I go to leave, but Aberforth quickly catches up, grabbing onto the edge of my sleeve. “Hey, Malfoy, wait up.”

I stop and turn to zir. “What?”

“Listen, I know what I said, but I think you have potential,” Ze explains. “Would you like to take a Chaser position alongside Weasley?” When my eyes widen, ze smirks. “Don’t tell her yet, postings aren’t up until after keeper tryouts.”

“Yes, of course,” I exclaim. “Thank you so much!”

“Our secret,” Ze says with a wink, and then ze is gone, jogging back to meet with the winner

When I meet up with Rose, she looks sympathetic. “I’m sorry you didn’t get seeker,” She says.

“Eh,” I say with a shrug and a broad smile. “I think everything’s gonna work out.”

...

Rose zooms across the other side of the field as we both head for the goals. I manage to get near the keeper from Gryffindor who’s tall and burly and looks like he could be better suited as a beater with his large shoulders.

Rose passes the quaffle to me, and I throw it into the hoop.

“It’s only their fourth game of the season and they’re already tearing up the scoreboards-That’s another ten points to Ravenclaw!”

I feel a sense of pride when I look over at Rose. We’re doing it.  

We’re becoming awesome players. Not being able to play with Rose and her family was annoying, but now I actually get to play with her and some of her siblings are on the opposite team.

“It looks like Potter is diving towards something- has he spotted the golden snitch?” Jordan's voice booms across the fields. “Hare is going after it too and it looks like it’s gonna be a close call! Oh, and she pulls up right before hitting the ground-and Potter is down!”

I look down to where he’s crash-landed on the wet grass. He gets up on his broom and flies back up to where we are.

Good move, Hare.

The burly keeper throws the quaffle back into the game, and Rose and I set into motion, me going for the ball and her towards the goal. Finnigan from Gryffindor flies up and sends a bludger right for Rose. I can only see it hurtling towards her before shouting a warning.

“Watch out Rose!”

She ducks, but it still manages to hit her elbow, knocking her even more off balance. “Thanks!” She calls to me. She still has the quaffle held in her good hand. She flips herself right side on her broom and passes it to Aberforth, who scores the goal easily.

The game goes on and on, but it doesn’t drag by at all. The adrenaline keeps me watching every move my team makes and I follow the quaffle with my eyes and broom.

Bordeaux scores a point.

“That’s another 10 points to Ravenclaw, making  it 190-160 Ravenclaw,” says Jordan. “This is a close call for Gryffindor, who has won all of their games for the last 2 years.”

I pass the quaffle to Rose.

“And the game’s over! The Ravenclaw seeker has caught the snitch, ending Gryffindor’s streak. Good job, Alaska Hare and the rest of the Ravenclaw team!”

...

“Good job team!” Aberforth calls from the top of people. Ze’re crowd surfing. The crowd whoops.

“Ravenclaw! Ravenclaw! Ravenclaw!” They chant, and I join in. Adrenaline still rushes through my veins.

Scorpius makes his way over to me, two butterbeers in his hands.”Do you want one?”

I take it. “Thanks.”

“No prob.” He rests his back against the wall, taking a sip of his drink. “They’ve also got some roast beef sandwiches from the kitchens if you want one.”

“Sure. Where?” I look over to him. He has a moustache of foam on his upper lip. I giggle. “You might wanna wipe that off.” I point at it.

He blushes and wipes it off with his sleeve. “Better?”

“Yep. It’s all gone now.”

He sticks his free hand in his jeans pocket. “So, sandwiches?”

I follow him to the corner of the commons room, where people are munching on the food offered at the table. I grab a sandwich, and Scorpius grabs the same, plus an apple.

“Let’s go sit down.” I motion towards the seats. Most of them are occupied, but there’s half of a couch still open. I set my plate and drink on the table, and settle into the soft couch. Scorpius does the same.

“Is it bad that I wish there weren’t as many people celebrating in the commons?” He takes a bite of his apple.

I shrug. “I don’t think so?” We barely see almost the entire house in one place besides the great hall for meals. “It’s weird to have everyone in here.” Especially partying. Everyone either has a drink or food in their hands and are chatting. Though there is one person I can’t seem to find. “Where’s Hare?” I ask.

“Probably enjoying the peace of the library.” He sighs wistfully.

[kvhottie]

Hinata, sports reporter and Kageyama Tobio fanboy, had found one way of dealing with his nearly decade-long crush on someone unattainable: writing fanfiction—the smutty, self-insert, wildly creative kind. It had always been his most guarded secret, and was going to remain that way until…

Olympic volleyball star Kageyama knew almost nothing of the fanfic world. But overnight a babbling, orange-haired reporter changed that when instead of an interview transcript, he sent Kageyama a dirty (and oddly intriguing) draft for a story featuring the two of them.

Rating: Explicit |Pairing: KageHina |Tags: Sports Reporter& Fic writer Hinata/ Volleyball Pro Kageyama, Humor & Smut

**With special guest, Esselle, writing Hinata's fic excerpt

[Ao3]

Hinata’s first crush was through a phone screen.   He was sulking in bed, potato chip crumbs on his chest, and his phone held above his face as he watched the third round of the All Japan Intercollegiate Volleyball Championship. It was part self-torture and part curiosity that lead him to watch these games, since his own team was not participating because of their loss in the Nagoya representative playoffs.   The game was Tokai University versus Chuo University, both powerhouse schools with an equal chance of winning. Hinata was just a first year so all he knew about them was how impossible it was to get into their starting lineup due to a top-notch team of players. But then the Tokai University player introductions scrolled across the screen and he saw it: Kageyama Tobio, principal setter, 1st year.

 Hinata nearly choked on his umaibou. He sat up with a start while coughing and smacking his chest to clear his windpipe, and pressed rewind to make sure he read the caption correctly. But the undeniable and impressive truth was still the same: Kageyama Tobio was the 1st year setter for one of the strongest and most competitive university volleyball teams in Japan. A prodigy. And though normally that would only make Hinata pissed off and hyperaware of his common, un-prodigy self, this time his eyes couldn’t help but follow Kageyama around the court in admiration.   He was beautiful, in like, every sense of that word. He had pitch-black hair that brushed across a smooth face and serious, deep blue eyes. And that body—chiseled in all the right places, Hinata’s favorite assets being his defined pecs, thick legs, round butt, and wide sculpted shoulders. But aside from Hinata’s superficial and ‘he can’t help but be hella gay’ observations, it actually was how Kageyama moved about the court that drew him in. Never wasting a step, Kageyama commanded the court with meticulous precision and unmatched grace. The trust between him and his teammates was palpable in the others’ resilient determination to connect the ball to him, and his perfect repayment of their efforts: he always made sure the ball got to one of their hands in just the right position that maximized each of their strengths. Hinata could tell that it was Kageyama’s ability to flawlessly set the ball to them, repeatedly and without fail, which got him his spot on the team.   Watching one game lead to watching all the Tokai games in the championship, which lead to watching all the games in existence since Kageyama joined the team: it had become a full-blown obsession. So this is what it was like to have a favorite sports player…though Hinata’s interest in him was tainted with something beyond a simple appreciation of his athleticism. He was grateful for Tokai’s dedicated stream of online content, providing coverage of every official and practice game, as well as behind the scene moments at practice and a few interviews with the starting line up. Hinata watched every video, sometimes multiple times, and keep a close eye on Kageyama’s expressions and movements. His favorite was a short interview where Kageyama was asked what it was like to be the main setter as a freshman.   His usually disinterested expression broke into a teensy smile, eyes lighting up, and he said, “My senpai always get the ball to me and I can set for them at every game. It’s fun.” And then he walked off.   The video was a mere minute but Hinata never tired of re-watching it. He wanted that smile, as tiny and brief as it as, engrained in his memory. He thought he had seen all of Kageyama’s expressions—anger, smugness, annoyance, exhaustion, and a hybrid of a few of these—but this one, this one was so rare and pure it made Hinata want to kiss him. But he couldn't, unfortunately, so he threw his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes, trying to imagine what that would be like. At first it was innocent like this, just imagining his lips or his laughing face. But with time his imagination gradually seeped with lust, waking him up sweaty and wet in the morning and sparking a fire in his gut whenever he closed his eyes to think of Kageyama. He knew it was…strange. That he was crushing so hard on a person he’d never met to the point of jerking off to the mental image he had ingrained of him was, a bit out of the norm, to say the very least.   The feelings persisted for many years—through his attempts and failures at dating, his uneasy and regrettable one-night stands, and that post-graduation loneliness that came with being a working adult and living alone. He had graduated with a degree in communications, concentrating on sport journalism, and after countless interviews and rejections, was hired by TV Osaka as their new sports reporter. He hadn’t expected this stroke of luck. Especially since it came on the tails of Kageyama being recruited to the Osaka’s Panasonic Panthers. Not only would they be in the same city, but also with Kageyama becoming a professional volleyball player, Hinata would be able to cover news about him all the time. And there was a lot of news about him and his vibrant pro career: having Kageyama as their setter lit a fire under the Panasonic Panthers that hadn’t been seen in a while and they started winning tournaments. If that wasn’t impressive enough, he also did an amazing job as the setter for Japan’s Olympic volleyball team. Oh, and of course, there was the occasional small scandal of x or y woman leaving the handsome athlete’s apartment, but none of it amounted to much, to Hinata’s relief.   Yes, even still, Hinata liked that distant and unattainable Kageyama. He especially enjoyed his reporting when it had to do with him, so everyone had noticed how much of a Kageyama fanboy he was. And that lust that burned through him…it had matured into something beyond masturbation and finding porn stars that looked like Kageyama. His head had become so filled with fantasies that he needed to find a way to empty it, and so he started writing fanfiction. He would write countless stories of his OC, which was actually just a self-insert of himself, and Kageyama, doing all sorts of wild things. The stories brought him warmth, peace of mind, and when they started getting a few loyal readers, a group of people who also relished in these fantasies he was once shamed of.   But, the most painful thing about unrequited crushes is that all the imagining only made him fall harder. Hinata loved the Kageyama from his imagination, whether or not it lined up with the real one. This was the only Kageyama that could ever be completely his and he was okay with living in his head.   Well, he thought he was okay with just living in his head…   He SHOULD have been satisfied with just the fantasies, yet—Hinata let out a shaky breath and stared at his reflection as he nervously finger-combed his hair. He was currently at a potential major turning point in his life and also having an existential crisis in a bathroom.   “Get your shit together,” he mumbled to himself, opening the sink faucet and splashing his face with cold water.   TV Osaka was going to do an exclusive and intensive report on volleyball’s MVP, and that’s where Kageyama fanboy and Osaka’s sweetheart announcer came in. This meant Hinata was going to have to meet and talk directly to Kageyama, multiple times, throughout the course of a few weeks. Hinata had already been working at TV Osaka for three years, so the fact that this didn't happen sooner was a mystery, but he had never actually prepared his heart for the reality of it happening.   “Hinata!” Ueda, his fieldwork partner and also the one who was going to run the adjacent and more detailed exclusive on TV Osaka’s website, peeked into the bathroom. “Stop shitting your pants already. The love of your life just finished practice so we have to go do the interview now.”   ‘Love of his life’—ha, if only Ueda knew how true those words were. “Stop teasing!” Hinata yelled and dried his face with a paper towel. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” he said with a sigh, pulling his lanyard badge from his white shirt pocket so it hung freely and visibly on his chest.   They walked into the Panasonic Panther’s gymnasium and toward the corner they had set up with chairs, microphones, and filming equipment for the sake of the interview. There Kageyama stood, tall, towel dangling from his neck as he dabbed at his face, his shorts and practice shirt straining with every defined muscle now glistened with sweat. Hinata put on a smile as he trained his wild thoughts on artic ice baths, naked grandmas, and dying cats.   “Hi,” he beamed, a bit too enthusiastically, and extended his hand. “I’m Hinata Shouyou, with TV Osaka.”   “…Oh. You’re shorter in person.” Kageyama noted, briefly shaking his hand. “And your hair is even brighter.”   “Um, I am! And yes it is,” he replied with a forced smile. How was he supposed to even act? How does a person act when they meet someone they’ve been jerking of to for years?! Hinata signaled to Ueda, “This is my partner, Ueda. He’s going take charge of the recording and filming while we talk. Should we start?”   “Sure.” Kageyama took his seat and pulled the towel from his neck, hanging it on the arm of the chair.   Hinata sat down and opened his notepad with his list of questions. “Um, okay. So first question, how do you feel about being called volleyball’s MVP?”   “That’s a nice sentiment but calling someone the most valuable player of an entire sport is ridiculous.” Kageyama shrugged. “There are players in other teams doing things I can’t do and being their team’s MVP in their own way. I don't need an exaggerated and flashy title like that.”   “So you don’t like that title?”   “Not really.”   Hinata tapped his notebook with the tip of his pen.“…But you can’t deny that you’ve broken countless records in the past few years. You’re certainly one of the best Japanese volleyball players to come into the court in the last three decades. Not only is your professional record unbelievably impressive, you always made huge splashes in the collegiate and high school level—”   “—I’m doing what I’ve been doing since day one and nothing else: setting to maximize the abilities of each player on my team. I’m glad to be doing it and it’s fulfilling. That’s it. Everything else is outside my field of vision.”   “Understood.” Hinata gave a nervous laugh. “So, do you get along well with your team? Are you guys friends outside of practice?”   “Yes, we go out to eat and drink together from time to time.”   “Is that all?”   Kageyama cocked his head a bit to the side. “What else would there be?”   “Um, like hanging out in each other’s apartments, or doing karaoke, or a joint hobby you guys may have. Do you have any hobbies?”   “Volleyball,” Kageyama stated and Hinata could almost hear the silent ‘no shit, Sherlock’ following it.   “Aside from that.”   “I like food. Does that count?”   Hinata chuckled and nodded. “Yes, I suppose it does. What’s your favorite food?”   “Pork curry with egg on top. I also like meat buns.”   “Do you eat these often? Is it difficult to stay in shape while eating your favorite foods?”   Kageyama looked down at himself and then up again at Hinata with a confused expression. “I’m always practicing and work out often. And aside from those foods I eat a pretty clean diet…so it’s not hard at all.”   Hinata fought the burning desire to cop a longing glace at Kageyama’s body. He made the smart decision to look him in his gorgeous face instead. “That’s good, then.”   “Any more questions?” Kageyama was bouncing his leg now. They must have passed the threshold of his patience with people snooping into his life.   “Just one more question for this part of the interview series.” Hinata said with a grin. “Do you have any other play you see as a rival?”   “No, I only focus on myself and how I can be more of a strength to my team.”   “Pretty admirable.” Hinata closed his notepad and got up from his chair, looking to Ueda. “And that’s a wrap for now.”   Kageyama grabbed his towel. “Am I done for today?”   “Yes, I’ll send you—” Hinata shut himself up; noticing Kageyama had already walked away. “…Okay then,” he muttered as he watched Kageyama move further from him. Damn him and his wonderfully shaped ass.   Ueda and Hinata spent the next hour going over the footage and planning on what questions to tackle the next time. Ueda asked him more than once if he was feeling star struck, but Hinata answered that he wasn’t sure. He obviously didn’t give full disclosure, but on his way home he thought more deeply about what exactly he was feeling at the moment. First of all, it hadn’t yet truly sunk in that he just had a conversation with the fodder for his sexual fantasies from the last eight years. But if he were being honest with himself, though his heart was jumping out of his chest and it was very difficult to keep his eyes off of Kageyama’s body, the whole ordeal was pretty…anticlimactic?   Sure, it’s not like he was expecting a TV drama scene or anything. But he thought it’d be more of a BAM or a WAH, or some other of his many nonverbal sounds. Of course it was amazing talking to Kageyama. He still found him unbearably attractive, somewhat cold and unrelentingly straightforward as he had expected, and also a surprisingly awkward, but meeting the ‘real one’ made Hinata pitifully hyperaware of his own delusions.   He took his laptop and the USB with the recording of the interview out of his bag and set it on the small table in his kitchen. He then slipped off his tie, untucked his shirt, and grabbed two beers from his fridge. He yawned, it was already ten at night and the exhaustion from his over-excitement was pulling at his eyes. But he needed to transcribe the interview and send it over to Kageyama for approval so that they could soon put it up on TV Osaka’s website. He opened up his first can of Asahi, took a refreshing gulp, and got to work.   An hour later he was not only quite drunk from a bad combination of light-weightiness and exhaustion, but also finally done with the interview transcript. He saved it into whichever folder he had used last, and though it happened to be his fanfiction folder, he figured he’d just move it elsewhere tomorrow. He was tired. All he needed to do was attached this document to an email and…done! Kageyama should have gotten that. He’d send him a text late tomorrow to ask if the transcription looked fine, but right now he could only think about his heavenly bed. And so he waddled off to sleep.

Kageyama Tobio was sure he was dreaming. After all, there was no way the brilliant, handsome, talented, sexy, Pulitzer Prize winner for Investigative Reporting journalist Hinata Shou could actually want to have sex with him, was there?   Sure, Kageyama was pretty hot himself — since he was naked, his really awesome abs were obvious. His pecs were super defined because of his twelve-step exercise program he’d developed himself (now a series on YouTube!) and his eyes were really blue, like, way bluer than anyone else’s eyes and twice as pretty. And he was tall and also handsome and the best setter in Japan, probably even the world. He was definitely just as sexy as Shou, so why shouldn’t they sleep together? They’d probably have really hot sex, and maybe even fall in love.   “I really want to have sex with you,” Shou said, dispelling all doubts from Kageyama’s mind.   “I really want to have sex with you, too,” Kageyama told him.   They started to have sex. It was really fucking hot and super sexy and vulgar, which was the best kind, even though sometimes Shou liked it slow, too. Also, they did it without a condom. First, Shou got on his knees and gave Kageyama a blow job. He was really good at it, even though Kageyama had also never been with anyone besides Shou (despite how super sexy and hot Kageyama was). And now he knew he would never have sex with anyone else again, ever, because Shou was definitely the best.   “Shou,” Kageyama said, and Shou looked up at him, while he kept sucking on Kageyama’s trembling manhood. “You’re the best at blow jobs. If this were the Olympics, I’d give you a gold medal.” “How about a pearl necklace instead?” Shou asked sexily. [A/N: a pearl necklace is when a guy cums all over his partner’s chest!!!!!! So vulgar (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)]

At first Kageyama stared at his laptop screen with a blank expression. Surely, it was shock. What the fuck was this? He rubbed at his eyes to make sure it wasn’t the exhaustion playing tricks on him. But as he continued reading, his face burning a deeper shade of red with every sentence, that initial shock turned into realization.  

This was so hot that Kageyama came instantly, and he did it all over Shou’s chest to give him a pearl necklace. After that, Shou made Kageyama lie down so that he could finger him (with lube!!) until he could have sex with Kageyama. Kageyama was so sexy, moaning so much while Shou was inside him, that Shou came really soon, too. It felt AMAZING to come inside of Kageyama (without a condom) that he came so much his cum filled up Kageyama’s tight hole and even came out all over Shou’s throbbing, thick member. It was really gross, but also really hot. It was so hot that it made Shou want to have even more sex.

  “Kageyama,” he moaned, “I’m going to ride you, okay?”   “Yeah,” Kageyama moaned also, “I want you to ride me so bad, Shou, you’re so hot!!”   Shou made Kageyama finger him now until he was ready, even though he was so turned on that he probably could have done it even without fingering, but he also wanted to feel Kageyama’s sexy hands with his sexy national level setter’s fingers inside him. Kageyama was a really good setter, but he was also really good at fingering, and Shou even came again while Kageyama did it, because he was so good.   “Can you still ride me?” Kageyama asked after he came.   Shou smirked down at him. “Baby, I can do anything you want.”   Kageyama’s mini-Yama wasn’t really all that mini!!! It was enormous, big, thick, trembling. Shou screamed as it went inside him when he sat on it. Kageyama’s penis was the best thing he had ever felt. It was so good that he had to start bouncing on it immediately. He really wanted Kageyama to fill him with his cum.   “Kageyama!” he screeched, gyrating his hips around and around in a figure eight on Kageyama’s meaty spear, which he’d read was a good sex move in Cosmo. “Fill me with your cum!”   “I’ll do anything for you, Shou!” Kageyama yelled. He started to come, even more than Shou had, pouring his hot, sticky ropes of spunk inside of Shou for at least two minutes. Shou climaxed simultaneously with him, coming all over Kageyama’s sexy abs and on his nipples, too. It was the best orgasm either of them had ever had.   “That was the best sex ever,” Shou said as he snuggled next to Kageyama and Kageyama cuddled him and kissed his forehead. “And I’ve had a lot of sex.”   “Really?” Kageyama asked. He was super happy that he had made Shou come so much and feel so good even though he was a virgin before. It must be because they were made for each other.   “Yeah,” Shou said. “Let’s do it a lot more.”   They cuddled the whole night long and had sex seven more times, because they were boyfriends now and would probably get married and get a dog. Shou would always come to see all of Kageyama’s games, and Kageyama always dedicated his medals to Shou.   They loved each other forever!!!   THE END.   [A/N: KTsHubby69 here! Hope ya enjoyed that. And remember to leave me comments and likes~]  

This was ‘fanfiction’.   Hinata had sent him fanfiction. His email had said this was supposed to be an interview transcript but it sure as hell wasn’t! It was steamy, raunchy, and very badly written gay porn about him and some guy called Shou. There was this time that to poke fun at him, his teammates had shown him a page full of stories of him and other guys, some being his own teammates, in some fanfiction site. All the knowledge he had of this foreign world was that memory and, well, this wretched document on his screen. Why was contriving sexy situations between other living people something a person would want to do with their free time?   Wait, wasn’t Hinata’s name…Shouyou? Huh?   Kageyama launched forward so violently in his couch that the laptop that was resting on his knees smacked him in the face. “HAAAH?” he yelled to absolutely no one but his panicking self.   He pushed the laptop away from him and rubbed at the sore spot on his forehead while he tried to wrap his mind around the situation. Hinata Shouyou—bubbly, vibrant, sunshine sweetheart of TV Osaka—had sent him smutty fanfiction involving Kageyama and a guy named Shou. Only a dumbass wouldn’t notice that Shou and Shouyou are basically the same name. And since the document said ‘draft’ Hinata had, certainly by mistake, sent him something he was personally working on. Meaning that Hinata was writing fanfiction of himself doing wild things with Kageyama.   But the biggest question of them all was: why?   The most obvious answer was that Hinata had a crush on Kageyama and fantasized about Kageyama doing all those things he wrote about. But that was hard to visualize—the Hinata crushing on him part, not the sex, Hinata made sure to make that painfully vivid—after all, he acted pretty normal in the interview today. He was a little bit red in the cheeks and sometimes he did have a questionable look in his eye, but other than that, he was utterly calm.   Kageyama pulled the laptop back to him and cozied up with it in a corner of his couch. He was curious. He wanted to know what that seemingly innocent face had hiding in his mind. And so he started reading yet again from the beginning. Most of it should have made him uncomfortable. Up to this point all of his experience had been with women and he had never considered being with a man…yet he wasn’t opposed to the things portrayed in this fanfic. Well, he wasn’t opposed to most of the things portrayed in the story, but Hinata’s characterization of him? Horrendous. It was unbearably out of character. He wouldn’t say half the crap Hinata had him say! Also his writing needed some work.   Kageyama went to Google and looked up the username mentioned in the author’s note. He was curious to see what else Hinata had written, in what other ways did they ravish each other on the page. Chalk it up to 3 a.m. boredom, or a touch of narcissism, who cares. The search lead him to Hinata’s profile on a fanfiction website and a listing of everything he’d written. Kageyama scrolled through—Hinata was somewhat prolific, having written almost fifty fics, and also singularly focused: every fic was between Kageyama and this Shou character of his. Kageyama wasn’t sure if to feel flattered or bothered by the fact that some of the fics ranged back a few years, meaning that Hinata had been hung up on him for quite some time. He tried to click on a fic in the listing, a pirate ‘alternate universe’ that sounded interesting, but the site redirected him to an account creation page. Was he really about to create an account to read bad fanfiction about him and the adorable reporter in charge of him for the next few weeks…   Short answer: Yes.   Long answer: Yes, but he was probably going to regret it tomorrow.   Something was vibrating. Kageyama’s eyes peeled open, the bright sunlight in his living room causing him to shield his irritated eyes. He looked around, his neck sore and mind disoriented—when did he pass out? If he remembered correctly it was somewhere in the middle of the third fic he was reading. He groggily set the dead laptop on top of his coffee table and searched his pocket for his vibrating phone. It was an unknown number.   “Hello?” he mumbled, a yawn catching him at the end.   “Sorry did I wake you? I didn’t expect you to still be sleeping this late in the afternoon.” It was Hinata’s voice.   Kageyama shot up and looked at the clock hanging above his television. It was already two. “Not usually. It’s my day off and just…I had a late night.”   “Oh, what kept you up so late?”   Your lewd fics, that’s what. “None of your business,” Kageyama muttered. Fuck, that sounded a bit too harsh.   “S-Sorry! I shouldn't be nosy, right? Um, anyway, I sent you an email with the interview transcript. Did you get it? Does it look fine to use?”   “Uh…” Kageyama glanced at his laptop and immediately felt his face burn up. “Y-Yeah. It looks good. Totally fine.” His guilt was eating him alive.   “That’s great, then! I’ll be in contact with you about our next interview and the photo shoot.”   “Okay.”   “Bye!”   He hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long, deep sigh. How the hell was he going to face this guy from now on? Just trying to bring up an image of his pretty face and obnoxiously vibrant orange hair dragged up all sorts of descriptions of moans dripping from those saliva licked lips and eyes glazed over with—fuck, you see, his mind just freaking GOES.   And it kept going, bringing up a scene in one of Hinata’s fics every…damn…time.   How about when they were at lunch together and Hinata was happily eating his salad and babbling about the photo shoot that would happen in a few days. Well, of course, brain, wasn’t the cabbage lush, green, and very similar to the jungle foliage in that fic where Hinata and him were castaways on an island and fucked like bunnies to keep each other sane? UGH.   Kageyama squeezed his plastic water bottle so hard it popped, splashing water all over himself and the table. He stood up with a jolt and Hinata came to his rescue with napkins, trying to hold back a laugh while simultaneously shoving napkins into Kageyama’s hands and pressing them on to the table. Kageyama dabbed his practice shorts with the napkins, eyes stead on the soft curve of Hinata’s lips and the crinkling of his eyes when he giggled. When he wasn’t chattering on nonstop he was actually, sort of…lovely.   That was the usual pattern.   Hinata did something completely innocent like untangle the filming equipment and BAM, that kinky ‘shibari au’ Kageyama had read a few days prior would play in his mind. Eating ice cream dragged up ‘semen drinking fetish au’. Sipping coffee— ‘coffee shop au’. Unbuttoning the top of his shirt to cool down—‘stripper au’. Stretching. ‘Dancer au’. Playing volleyball together. ‘Fucking in the team locker-room PWP’. Any mention of Sci-Fi and that really, really strange ‘alien abduction au’ that left Kageyama both confused, but also hot and bothered, flashed through his mind.   Why the hell did this guy have such an impressively overactive imagination? Kageyama could also say that for himself…if he didn’t keep reading Hinata’s god-awful fics this problem of constantly thinking about them would probably solve itself. But he couldn’t help but go back to read them every night, they had become strangely addicting. Though his own characterization hadn’t improved in the slightest, and he made sure to leave Hinata a comment letting him know that, it excited him to see how Hinata would react in each of those different scenarios. He wondered if Hinata was that sensitive in real life.   Anyhow, said dirty scene popped up in his head, and the next step of the usual routine was that he’d act like am utter fool. Too often had he spilled water on himself, but he’d also trip, bump into things, and let easily receivable balls catch him in the face. None of it affected his actually playing or practice (thank god) since it only happened around Hinata, but it did make filming and shooting photos take that much longer. Yet, Hinata was never mad. When facing Kageyama, an endearing gaze glimmered from those golden eyes, and he’d laugh, much to Kageyama’s embarrassment, in dulcet tones that warmed up the room.   Kageyama could tell he was falling for him.   In the last few weeks there was rarely a moment Hinata wasn’t on his mind, but which Hinata? Fearless, wonton, and suave Hinata from those fics or the adorable, cheerful, and snarky Hinata right in front of him? They might be one and the same. If he dragged Hinata to a room where they were alone and pressed him to the bed, would he be able to see the blood rush to his cheeks as he lost himself in Kageyama’s embrace?   He wanted to answer these questions. But first, he needed to know if his feelings were true.

Hinata yawned, glancing at the time on his work computer. It was past eight and he wouldn’t be going home any time soon. He bounced his leg impatiently and pressed the home button to his phone, only to be disappointed yet again. Kageyama hadn’t responded to any of his texts for about week. Half of them weren’t work related so Hinata guessed that Kageyama was too busy to respond to them. But he hadn’t expected radio silence about the scheduling of their last interview, since Kageyama used to be prompt in his responses to work related emails and texts.   “Here you go,” Ueda returned with two cups of coffee and took the seat next to Hinata, passing him one. They were looking over all the Kageyama video footage they had and editing it down for the online exclusive.   “Thanks.” Hinata grabbed the cup with both hands and took a blissful slip; it was perfectly warm.   Ueda took a gulp of his and set it down on the desk. “So…are things going okay with you and Kageyama recently?”   “Hm? What do you mean by that?”   Ueda scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, like, did you do anything to get him pissed or something?”   Hinata pursed his lips and set his coffee on the desk. “Not that I know of…but he has been ignoring my texts for a while. Why do you ask?”   “Well, it’s just that I overhead our boss on my way to get coffee. She said that Kageyama had called in this morning and requested that the reporter in charge of his exclusive coverage be changed.”   “What?!” Hinata exclaimed, standing up from his chair. “Why? Did he say why?”   Ueda shrugged. “I have no idea. That’s all I heard, but she’s probably going to talk to you about it soon.”   Hinata bit his bottom lip and tapped his foot on the floor. Did Kageyama catch him staring at him weirdly? They were getting along super well recently so why would Kageyama all of a sudden want to avoid him? What was up with his freaking luck! First he had a rude reader saying his Kageyama was OOC and now this?!   “Sorry, Ueda. I promise to make it up to you but I won’t let Kageyama take this project away from me!” Hinata stuffed his phone in his bag and hurried to the door. He heard a faint ‘Good Luck’ from Ueda as he left the room.   Hinata headed to Kageyama’s apartment, he and Ueda had gone there briefly for a portion of the photo shoot and Hinata had committed it to memory. It was a Friday, so Kageyama usually finished practice around seven and went straight home. He tried to gather what he was going to say in his head but his thoughts were all muddled. He was nervous—what if Kageyama had come to hate him for some reason? Somewhere in the corner of his heart he was holding on to the hope that they could continue to meet up even after they were done with the exclusive. He didn't expect Kageyama to come to love him or anything like that, but friendship would have been nice. Now that he’d been by Kageyama’s side so many times, seen his expressions up close, felt him near by, he didn’t know how he’d go back to just living in his head.   Once inside the entrance of Kageyama’s apartment building, Hinata pressed the intercom button for his apartment. He looked straight up at the camera, knowing Kageyama could see him.   “Why are you here?”   “Let me up. Please.”   He heard a quiet sigh and then the door buzzed open. Hinata took the elevator to the third floor, practicing deep breathes as he approached Kageyama’s door. There, Kageyama was waiting for him in a white t-shirt and shorts, hair damp from getting just out of the shower. Hinata nearly forgot what he had come all this way for.   Kageyama leaned against his open door. “If you’re here to—   “—Why are you avoiding me?!” spat Hinata, eyes wide and locked to Kageyama’s.   “I’m not avoiding you,” insisted Kageyama, desperately wanting to look away from Hinata’s intense stare but keeping his gaze steady to not make his lie obvious.   “You are.” Hinata balled his hands on either side of him. “I know that you want to change who’s in charge of your exclusive. And you haven’t answered my texts. If I did anything to make you mad or uncomfortable just tell me. I’ll try to be better, I promise.”   Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s not that…it’s just, personal reasons.”   “But I thought we were getting closer!” Hinata stammered, eyebrows knitting, and lips quivering. “Just tell me why. Did you notice that I look at you weirdly? I promise I’ll stop; it’s just that I’ve been a fan of yours for so long that it gets away from me sometimes. This exclusive is a dream come true, it means a lot to me. I just really—   “Hinata!”   “—love you!” Hinata’s eyes widened, swimming wildly with the realization of what he just said. “No, no, not that. I mean—“   Kageyama slapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth and covered his own burning face with the other. “Shut. Up. Already.” He huffed, finding enough composure to uncover his face and return his gaze to Hinata’s. “I’ve known you like for a while now.”   “Mm!” Hinata muffled.   “And before your mind jumps to that, no, that’s not why I’m avoiding you.” Kageyama moved his hand away from Hinata’s mouth. “Try to be quiet, dumbass.”   “How?!” Hinata whispered, loudly.   Kageyama sighed and took Hinata’s hand, silently leading him into his apartment. Hinata just followed along, not really sure of what was happening anymore or if he should say something, so he also kept quiet and focused his attention on their linked hands. They took off their shoes, walked into the living room, and Kageyama plopped him down on his couch. He picked up his laptop from the coffee table, clicked around, and placed it on Hinata’s lap.   “That’s the email you sent me in order to review the transcript for the first interview. But you attached the wrong document,” Kageyama explained, cheeks dusted in pink once more.   “What did I send, then?...” Hinata looked at the document title and his faced immediately went beet red. “Wait, no. No way.” He opened the document, and having confirmed his fear, returned the laptop to the coffee table, covered his face with his hands, and curled forward until his head was on his knees. “You must think I’m crazy,” he muffled.   Kageyama gently mussed the hair on the top of Hinata’s head. “I don't.”   “Even though I write weird stuff about you?!” Hinata croaked, face looking up to reveal his flushed face and glossy eyes.   “Yes.” Kageyama retracted his hand, folding his arms across his chest, and paced back and forth while staring at his feet. “…I wasn’t grossed out by it. More like, I was so hooked that I read a lot of your other stories,” he stammered.   “H-Huh?” Hinata stood up and took a few steps towards the restless Kageyama. “Really?”   “And I kept thinking about your stupid fics every time we were together. I wanted to put some distance between us because I couldn’t tell if your stories were influencing my feelings or if they were my own…” Kageyama stopped pacing and let his hands fall to his sides, blue eyes meeting Hinata’s golden gaze. “I like you, Hinata. Even if you write strange fanfiction.”   “You didn’t have to add that at the end!” Hinata whined, hand tugging at Kageyama’s t-shirt with a smile so wide it could have left his face. “Is this for real? I feel like I’m dreaming.”   Kageyama flicked Hinata’s forehead. “It’s real, stupid. You’ve done enough living in your head for a lifetime.”   “Then…” Hinata grew quiet, gaze cast downward, and pinky finger sneaking to touch Kageyama’s skin from where he was holding his shirt. “You’ll have to keep me busy.”   Kageyama swallowed, hard. “Yeah, of course,” he managed to get out.   Hinata looked up through his lashes, and though he was trying to best to be sultry, his pursed lips and knitted eyebrows displayed his embarrassment and desperation. But even more so with this front he was trying to put on—he was unbearably cute.   “Right now,” Hinata whispered.   “Now?” Kageyama murmured, the fingers Hinata was crawling up his abs leaving immense heat in their wake. “Okay. My room is this way.” He grabbed Hinata’s assaulting hand and pulled him along.   “Wait,” Hinata said as he slipped his hand out of Kageyama’s grasp. “I need to take a shower first and prepare, and all that.”   Kageyama pointed at a door across from the living room. “That’s my shower and tub.”   Hinata nodded and said, “Thanks,” promptly disappearing behind the door.   Twenty minutes passed and Hinata remerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his usually messy hair now damp and framing his rosy cheeks. Kageyama shot up from the couch, eyes traveling across Hinata’s almost naked body as if they had a mind of their own.   “My room?”   Hinata nodded, a small smile slipping past his nerves. “If it’ll get you to stop trying to eat me alive with your eyes.”   Kageyama chuckled and shook his head, grabbing Hinata’s hand again. “I think it’ll only get worse.”   Once in the bedroom, Kageyama turned on only his bedside lamp and set the lube and condom from his drawer on top his nightstand. Hinata climbed onto Kageyama’s dark blue king-sized bed. Kageyama threw off his t-shirt and shorts and carefully crawled over him. He deliberately smoothed his hand across Hinata’s chest, focusing his attention on tracing his beautiful collarbones and pink nipples. He feathered his fingers down Hinata stomach and up again, inching closer and closer to the edge of his towel with every pass. Hinata shuddered under his touch, hazy eyes watching his face and hands wrapped around the wrist of the hand Kageyama was leaning on.   “You’re a lot more forward in your fics,” Kageyama commented, pulling down at Hinata’s towel until he was completely exposed. He took in Hinata’s naked body, its lean shape, faint freckles, and the proud state of his leaking dick. “But just as sensitive…I’ve barely touched you.”   “I can’t help it!” Hinata wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s neck and pulled his face closer. “I’ve imagined this a million times. You could probably just look at me for the next ten minutes and it’ll be enough to make me come.”   Kageyama brushed his lips against Hinata’s, grabbing one of his hands and pressing it to the raging erection he was packing in his boxers. “I’ve read half those fantasies so I’m just as painfully excited. But…” Kageyama placed his lips right beneath Hinata’s neck and murmured, “You should focus on the me that’s here.”   “Ah,” Hinata breathed, fingers teasing Kageyama’s dick against the cloth of his boxers. “It’s really hard to focus on anything right now.”   Kageyama laughed through his nose, mouth traveling down to Hinata’s neck to nip and suck at his unmarked skin. It bruised with ease and soon enough Kageyama had scattered dark red hickies all the way to his shoulder. Hinata also kept himself busy, shaky fingers traveling up and down Kageyama’s spine, grazing gentle nails against the back of of his neck. Kageyama trembled against that touch, biting harder into Hinata’s neck and rolling his nipples to reciprocate the pleasure. Hinata whimpered against his ear, his fingers pulling at the hair nearby, drawing a low moan from Kageyama.   “You like that?” Hinata huffed, fingers traveling deeper into Kageyama’s hair.   Kageyama hummed in affirmation; tongue teasing Hinata’s chest and hands tortuously caressing the inside of his thighs. His mouth moved further down, tongue prodding at the place where his thigh met his hips, teeth grazing so close to Hinata’s dick that Hinata’s legs quivered uncontrollably despite being so tightly wrapped around him. Kageyama sat up and reached over for the lube and condom, setting the condom behind him for easy access later and pouring excessive lube in his hand. He warmed it up, some dripping onto Hinata in the process and making him jolt slightly.   “Hurry up…” Hinata begged, pushing his fringe away from his face with the back of his hand.   “Hush,” Kageyama said as he leaned forward, propped himself up on his right hand again, and slowly pressed two fingers into Hinata. A breathy moan escaped Hinata’s lips and he pushed against Kageyama’s fingers, arms reaching above his head to grasp at the pillow. Kageyama worked him unhurriedly—gaze steady on Hinata’s face to take in each of his fevered expressions, only breaking his watch to occasionally drink up Hinata’s moans with a messy kiss.   But Hinata grew impatient. He reached down to pull at both sides of Kageyama’s boxers, succeeding in freeing Kageyama’s throbbing dick. He wrapped his legs even tighter around Kageyama’s waist, hands diving to the back of his head. “Come on, already“ he said with drawn out tug of Kageyama’s hair, his voice no longer begging, but desperately commanding.   Kageyama complied, too riled up to be able to endure teasing Hinata any longer. After rolling on the condom, he leaned forward again, his weight on his right elbow, and lined himself up against Hinata’s entrance. He inched in slowly, relishing the sharp intakes and pants Hinata made against his lips, losing himself gradually to the heat inside Hinata. When he was in to the hilt, he pulled out a bit and rolled his hips slowly, grinding hard with each deliberate thrust. Hinata dug his fingers and heels into him, taking Kageyama’s lips to muffle the insistent chorus of his own moans.   But Kageyama wanted to hear him, those whimpers and pants so knee-weakening that they would be enough to push him over the edge. He broke the kiss, holding Hinata’s hands over his head so he couldn’t pull Kageyama’s face in again, and buried his face in Hinata’s neck.   “Kageyama,” Hinata cried, “I’m close.”   “Mmn,” Kageyama moaned in agreement.   He picked up his pace—slamming in faster, deeper, urgently. Kageyama reached down and pumped Hinata’s dick in matching rhythm, swiftly making him climax with a strained moan as he spilled hot and white into his hand. Kageyama barely lasted a few seconds after him, Hinata’s sudden tightness being too much for him and bringing him crashing past the edge.   Kageyama waited until their bodies’ quivering had stilled, and slowly pulled out. Hinata gave a short whimper, teeth sinking into his bottom teeth, but soon after he let out a blissful sigh. Kageyama followed suit with a satisfied sigh of his own, and slumped next to Hinata, bodies close and feet tangled.   “…Damn, ” Kageyama breathed, pressing his damp forehead against Hinata’s. The blue of his eyes was filled with adoration. “Your writing doesn't even do you half the justice.”   Hinata’s lips curved up into a warm smile and he traced the edge of Kageyama’s ear. “Maybe you should help me with it from now on.”   “I probably should. I could guide you on writing a Kageyama that’s not out of character for once.”   “Wait…” Hinata’s eyes widened and he sat up, gasping dramatically. “Were you that annoying reader that kept dissing my characterization?”   “…No,” Kageyama denied, trying to hold back a smirk but failing miserably.   Hinata yanked the pillow from under Kageyama and hit him with it. “You were so rude!”   Kageyama blocked his face, lounging at Hinata to pull him down into a hug. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.”   “You hurt my feelings, though. Make it up to me,” Hinata pouted.   “Depends on what you want.”   “…Let me wear your Olympic jersey.”

“As long as you do it with nothing else on,” Kageyama retorted with a sly smile. Hinata laughed in that lovely singsong way of his and pressed his lips to Kageyama’s. “Deal.”

[inkwise]

Headcanon #6: Misc.

Just a bunch of various headcanons! This got incredibly long.

(Pre-game verse)

Henry was, in fact, the head of the art department when he was still working at the studio. He can’t say that he regrets it, but it was the source of a lot of stress for his earlier years.

Henry did have...well, he’d call it a friendship but he’s not sure if the other thought the same. Regardless, Henry and Sammy got along with each other well enough. Often the two shared a cigarette whenever their breaks lined up with each other.

There were many days in a row, almost for every week, when he was unable to go home due to the workload. The only thing he thought about during those times, other than the weight of work on his mind, was Linda.

Henry wasn’t entirely too thrilled with the idea of making a third major character for Bendy’s show at first, but went on to create the design for Alice Angel anyway. He was very upset, however, when Joey kept flipping her role in the scripts between Bendy’s friendly rival and Bendy’s jilted lover that he ended up stepping in and defending her character, and ended up becoming as protective over her as he was over Bendy’s and Boris’ characters.

One of the first painful blows to the studio’s production in the earlier years was the Hays Production Code. Having two major characters whose designs were based on religious ideas (demons and angels), tiptoeing around guidelines was another headache on top of everything else, much to Henry’s and Joey’s dismay.

The studio first started up in 1933. Henry left around the time America joined WWII, somewhere around 1942.

“Hank” is a common nickname for people named “Henry.” That being said, if Henry knows someone well enough, he has no qualms about them calling him “Hank.”

One of the things that put Henry’s relationship with Joey in strain, aside the unhealthy working conditions and unexpected “side-projects,” was the fact that Joey ended up stealing the creative rights for the characters. He actually did try to return earlier than thirty years, specifically soon after he got out of the war, in order to try and gain the rights back, but with how Joey had ended their relationship and with a baby on the way, Henry ended up turning his attention to his family.

Henry got married to Linda about two years before he got drafted into the War.

Henry killed a man in self defense during the War. He doesn’t like to talk about it much. (Thinking of writing a separate post on this later, I’ve got ideas :)c )

Joey’s interest in dark arts and building the Ink Machine started even before Henry left the studio. Whether or not Henry has met Bendy and the toons in real life, however, will vary on the thread.

Bendy’s show was titled something along the lines of “The Lil’ Devil Darlin’ Show.” The intro song is similar to the beginning snippet to JT Music’s Can’t Be Erased (“I’m the dancing demon, watch me twirl and hop and spin! / I’m quick to give a smile, come on and share a grin!”)

Bendy, Alice, and Boris were the only toons from the show that Joey summoned. He may or may not have tried the Butcher Gang as well, behind everyone’s backs.

The toons, when they were summoned, mostly kept to themselves while they were in the studio. There were a few humans, however, that they opened up to--but Bendy had a terrible habit of pulling pranks on most of them, Sammy, Wally, and Shawn to name a few.

Bendy didn’t like Susie too much, hung around the amusement park storage area enough for him to get chased away by Lacie multiple times, and was remarkably less of a nuisance around Norman and Grant.

The toons aren’t necessarily weakened by water, but enough of it can make them run. They won’t go swimming in a pool or a lake, and they need a bit of extra protection while going out in the rain.

Bendy doesn’t know that Henry was his original creator. He assumes that Joey is, but hanging around him just makes him feel...odd. When the studio goes to hell and he finds out by finding the original model sheets while rifling through Joey’s things, though, he writes Henry up in his mind as a “dead-beat father” figure.

(Game verse)

Henry actually doesn’t know how long he’s been trapped in the studio. After being knocked unconscious twice, spending a long enough time to lose in cards to Boris more than once in the safe house, and someone trying to kill him by crashing the elevator, he’s lost track.

Bendy is not completely blind in his off model form, but his vision is severely impaired by the ink over his face. The cutouts give him extra coverage by seeing through their eyes.

Something is happening to Henry with the ink--he isn’t certain what exactly it is, though. All he knows is that sometimes he’ll be cornered by ink monsters, and then he’ll wake up in a puddle of ink with a statue of Bendy looming over him, like he’d just been dreaming about getting killed.

Being of demon in design and because of what happened to the ink in the studio, Bendy in his off model form is more sensitive to souls. Not enough to see them, per se, but he might be able to get the impression that someone’s not human.

Henry was absolutely devastated when Sammy couldn’t remember him. Knowing that his old coworkers might not even recognize him if he even finds them makes him feel incredibly lonely.

Bendy has his own safe house, sort of like how Boris does at the beginning of Chapter Three. His is small, but has two extra cots for when he finds the real Boris and Alice. If he ever finds them.

Henry can’t stop thinking about his family the entire time he’s in the studio. Sometimes, if things are especially life threatening, his thoughts drift to his son and granddaughter.

Not many of the ink creatures have actually spoken to Henry, save for Alice and Sammy. If one of them started to speak to him in a thread (say, the Projectionist or the Ink Demon), it would startle him very much.

(Post-game (Good End) Verse)

One of the first few things Henry finds out when he gets out of the studio is how long he’s been in there. Which is to say, long enough for the police to conduct a search in his apartment because his son found out he’d been missing for so long.

Bendy doesn’t like Henry’s apartment all that much. It’s small and there isn’t much to do aside from rifle through the old animator’s belongings.

The apartment complex started to receive noise complaints about Henry’s apartment. The toons are a bit stir crazy but Henry somehow manages to keep them under control long enough for him to get his life back together.

Henry does end up moving back to the suburbs, specifically into a house down the street from his son’s home. Bendy takes to it better than he did the apartment.

Eddie’s daughter, Henry’s grandchild, is named Annelle. 

Bendy loves the neighborhood kids, both as an audience and as friends. He sometimes convinces a few of them to prank some people, much to Henry’s dismay.

Eddie is roughly 26 years old; Annelle is about 3 years. Linda passed away due to an illness when Eddie was around 15 years old.

Henry did try a few disguises for the toons early on, but they were mostly ridiculous and unconvincing, as cartoon disguises usually are. He especially had trouble with finding a suitable one for Boris.

[auburnfamilynews]

Happy Halloween.

Oh boy, I hope by the time you’re reading this, you’re figuring out the proper ratio of candy to take from your kids as a parent tax (never too early to educate our young ones on the way tax brackets work) before sugaring yourself up with some dark liquor in preparation for what you’ll see today.

First of all, it’s going to be one of those crisp fall afternoons you write about. It’s Halloween. There’s a full moon tonight, and when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll have that extra hour of sweet glorious sleep as we head into November. Here’s hoping that you get to dream of an Auburn win instead of having Halloween nightmares of yet another gut-wrenching loss to LSU.

However, this is a happy place. We think happy thoughts here, and especially during 2020, the year that doesn’t matter. LSU’s already faced their share of misery. They had one of the most lightning strike teams last season, and in their first game as defending champs, they got chumped by Mike Leach. The guy couldn’t handle Portland State in his openers at his previous stop, and he clowned LSU.

Auburn has had a rough time this season also. I think we played Georgia, but honestly that game is clouded now in a haze of bourbon hatred so I don’t technically remember what happened. There was a game against South Carolina too, but... well, yeah. Those happened. In between, everyone wants to talk about “Y’ALL. BARN CHEATIN’ AND THEY SHOULD BE A 1-4 TEAM. OR 0-5. KENTUCKY HAD MORE YARDS THAN THEM SO THEY’S BETTER THAN AUBURN AND BARNERHAM IS GIVING AUBURN THE WINS.”

Instead of thinking about the ways that Auburn’s cheating the system and skating by, pissing off SEC West fans of teams that we haven’t even played yet, we should be looking at what the Tigers are doing well.

After the last couple of years of Boobee Whitlow (who was a serviceable running back, but not the type of guy we’re accustomed to here), let me tell you, it’s been a delight to watch Tank Bigsby run the ball. He’s the real deal, and if you don’t think so, just look at my RealDeal face.

I’m Josh Lyman in this situation, and you’re Sam Seaborn. I saw the real thing. Tank is the best pure running back that I think we’ve had since Cadillac. He runs hard, breaks tackles, racks up yardage, and can do everything. We’ve leaned into the idea of getting your best player the ball and it’s worked with him.

Meanwhile, the fight between Bo Nix and Seth Williams in Columbia turned into daps and hugs, mean mugs and shoulder shrugs as the connection went for 8 completions, 150 yards, and the game-winning 58 yard score. Auburn’s pass protection helped a little, and improved some, but there are still holes. In terms of the run game, it continued to soar, and Auburn is now one of the best rushing teams in the SEC.

Unfortunately, Auburn’s offensive line, which had started to turn into one unit instead of five individual ones, lost one of the most experienced and reliable members when Brandon Council went down with a season-ending injury in Oxford. Keiondre Jones, who’s a thicc boy, steps in at right guard, but this is not the team you want to have to play when you’re working in a new guy.

For LSU, they’re probably going to be playing 6’6, 242-pound TJ Finley, who was great last week in his debut as a starter. He’s still got a ton of weapons, and he got the benefit of playing at home against a South Carolina team that may have been experiencing a bit of a hangover after their win against us. Hopefully he comes back to earth and a road atmosphere turns ugly. In both of LSU losses, it’s been the pass defense faltering, and allowing, oh... 1,029 YARDS IN TWO GAMES. If ever there was a game when both phases of Auburn’s offense wanted to work, it would be this game. Bo Nix at home should be a good bit better than Bo Nix on the road, but LSU has 14 sacks in those four games on defense, and average about eight tackles for loss per game overall. Gus Malzahn and Chad Morris have to figure out a way to hit this defense at the right time. It’ll be tricky.

Plus, we’re dealing with the weight of extreme voodoo here, and not just on LSU’s side. This rivalry’s ratio of bizarre outcomes is higher than just about any matchup in the country. Here we have an Auburn team trying to avenge three straight close and crushing losses in the series, and trying to do it in a year like this, on Halloween, with a full moon.

It’s safe to say that if you have an expectation of how this is going to turn out, you probably need to throw a bunch of gasoline on that expectation and light it on fire. There’s no way this turns out to be a run-of-the-mill football game. Never is.

SERIES HISTORY: LSU leads the all-time series 31-22-1, and they’ve won three straight in the rivalry. Auburn’s last win came in 2016 in Les Miles’ final game as head coach at LSU.

LAST MEETING: Last season’s game in Baton Rouge turned out to be the closest game that LSU played all season, as they won 23-20. Auburn led until the final five minutes of the third quarter when Clyde Edwards-Helaire scored the go-ahead touchdown.

LAST WEEK: Auburn took care of business against Ole Miss with a 35-28 win, where Tank Bigsby accounted for 129 rushing yards and a pair of touchdowns, while Seth Williams scored the game-winning touchdown as a part of his 150 receiving yards.

LSU had their most impressive performance of the season with a 52-24 win against South Carolina. TJ Finley got the start for the injured Myles Brennan, and threw for 265 yards and. a pair of touchdowns on 17-21 passing. Tyrion Davis-Prince ran for 135 yards and a score, while Terrace Marshall caught another two touchdowns, bringing his season total up to nine.

KEYS FOR AUBURN:

Continue to find the offensive balance. This could fall under sub-category “continue to run the ball well” because it’s the Jed Bartlett Silver Bullet to making nearly everything else right on this football team. It opens up the passing game. It allows our defense to rest. It wears down the opposition. Plus, it means we get to watch Tank Bigsby tote the rock. Even so, when Auburn has been at its best this year, it’s when the offense has been keeping balanced and keeping defenses off balance. Last week was a great example. The Tigers were amazingly balanced last week with 224 rushing yards and 238 passing yards, and even though it’s Ole Miss, Bo Nix was much cleaner. LSU’s defense isn’t great either, but their pass rush is the strength, so the run game will need to contiue to bear the brunt of Auburn’s load today.

Make the freshman quarterback a freshman quarterback. No, this TJ Finley cat ain’t Tim Tebow, or Tua, or Johnny Football, or any of the other fantastic freshman quarterbacks that have come through the SEC lately. He’s still 6’6, 242, and showed out last weekend against South Carolina. What turns out to be much different is playing in one of the more friendly home atmospheres and then turning around going into Jordan-Hare Stadium. Without the full capacity crowd, Auburn’s advantage here won’t be as pronounced, but it’s still an unfamiliar stadium for a young kid. When you consider what Kevin Steele’s been able to do against some of the best offenses in college football, and particularly last season against LSU, I have faith that he’ll pull something out to help rattle a freshman. Throw him some stunts, some extra blitzes, some exotic coverage, and let him figure it out.

Make the clutch play. Wow, looking at Auburn’s last three losses to LSU you can easily pinpoint the moments that changed the game and gave LSU a little momentum. In 2017 it was the fourth down touchdown and the diving touchdown catch from Russell Gage right before the half. Then the D.J. Chark punt return score in the second half flipped the game around. One year later, it was again a long play that just barely worked. Joe Burrow hit Derrick Dillon on a 71-yard strike that just barely went over the outstretched hands of an Auburn defender. Then, on the game-winning drive, Burrow calmly stepped up and completed a fourth down slant pass to extend the drive that led to the walk-off field goal. And last year, it turned out to be the LSU defense making big plays like the Derek Stingley interception right before halftime that prevented Auburn from retaking the lead. This year, Auburn has to be the side jumping on the loose ball, grabbing that interception, and winning the big play ratio. LSU’s big plays have killed Auburn over the last three years, so now it’s Auburn’s turn.

STRESS-O-METER:

Anytime LSU comes to town —

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/10/31/21542872/game-preview-and-open-thread-auburn-vs-lsu

[junker-town]

Rhode Island could have 3 NFL Draft picks for the first time ever

Photo by Michael Shroyer/Getty Images

URI is no football hotbed, but the class of 2020 will make history.

The Texans selected Isaiah Coulter with the 171st overall pick in the 2020 NFL Draft. Kyle Murphy and Aaron Parker are still on the board. Here’s what Christian D’Andrea had to say about the URI trio ahead of the draft.

Rhode Island is not a hotbed for college football. The state has three Division I programs, but all are small-scale FCS operations. Since 2002, the state’s high schools have only produced 11 prospects who’ve signed scholarship offers from current FBS programs; the bulk landed at nearby UMass.

As a result, it’s been 34 years since a University of Rhode Island alum has heard his name called at the NFL Draft. But in 2020, three Rams could get the call.

Aaron Parker, Isaiah Coulter, and Kyle Murphy all played pivotal roles for a URI team that climbed into the FCS top 25 for the first time in more than a decade in 2018. Each earned an invite to the NFL Scouting Combine. URI, a program that had never sent anyone to the event, had more prospects in Indianapolis than schools like Arizona, Louisville, Oklahoma State, Stanford, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, and USC.

The Rams’ renaissance was unexpected and, if 2019’s 2-10 record is an indication, possibly brief. How did it happen ... and what can these three players who helped drag URI up from the bottom of the FCS ranks bring to the NFL?

URI’s top prospect in three decades could be found money in the NFL

Coulter passed up his final year of eligibility to enter this year’s draft. That would be a disaster for most URI players, but Coulter is far from typical. Though his college career got off to a slow start (18 catches as a freshman), he found a way to shine in the Rams’ highest-profile games the following two years. In three games against FBS competition — UConn, Ohio, and Virginia Tech — he racked up 21 catches for 361 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

That includes a 47-yard cornerback-dusting and subsequent adjustment against the Huskies. Coulter singled out this play as the best example of his abilities when we sat down at this year’s combine.

“I had a comeback and go,” Coulter told me. “Broke it down at 12 (yards downfield), then came back up with it.” That play covered nearly half the field — and it would have been a walk-in touchdown if his quarterback could have hit him in stride. Instead, the speedy wideout had to make an adjustment to keep URI alive in what became a shootout 56-49 loss.

His 72-catch, 1,039-yard, eight-touchdown campaign in 2019 helped convince scouts Coulter was Rhody’s top draft prospect. It also made him just the seventh player in URI history to post 1,000+ receiving yards in a season. He wouldn’t have had a chance to ink his name in that record book without the sixth man on that list: his cousin Parker. Visits to Kingston to watch a wideout who was like a brother helped convince Coulter the Rams were the right team for him.

While the younger receiver was proving himself as a prospect, Parker built his name as one of the best players in program history.

Parker was one of the top wide receivers in FCS

The Maryland high school star was a two-star recruit — the only other school to show sustained interest in him was Eastern Michigan, with whom he originally signed — who came to URI as a linebacker. Instead of bulking up when he got to campus, head coach Jim Fleming saw his potential as a playmaker. Parker led the Rams in receiving yards and touchdown catches as a true freshman.

Though Coulter, with his 6’2 frame and 4.45-second 40 time, may be the first Ram off the board thanks to his potential, Parker had the bigger impact in Kingston. His stature grew as he adapted to the high level of FCS play in the Colonial Athletic Association. He improved his reception and receiving yard numbers every year in the Rams’ offense. The arrival of his cousin as an NFL prospect helped free him from constant double coverage and helped him put together one of the FCS’ top individual senior seasons: 81 catches, 1,224 yards, and nine touchdowns in 2019.

His versatility shined through at Rhode Island, where he was big and fast enough to line up all over Fleming’s offense. Like Coulter, he broke through against FBS opponents: 21 catches, 336 yards, and a pair of touchdowns in those aforementioned games against Ohio, UConn, and Virginia Tech. Here he is in Athens, parting double coverage masterfully to adjust to a deep ball and set up a Rams field goal:

When it comes to the NFL, he sees himself as a hit-absorbing presence who can roast defensive backs from the a spot closer to the hashmarks.

“I would prefer slot,” Parker told me at the combine. “I like being in space with the linebackers and nickelbacks, going up against them, catching the ball — you know, I’m fearless across the middle. I got the linebacker background coming out of high school, so, you know, I don’t really mind the hits.”

Murphy helped make all this happen

Rhode Island benefited from two wideouts who could chase down deep balls, but the keystone to one of the best passing offenses in school history might have been Murphy. The versatile lineman — he started games at every position on the line except right guard — built his name as a two-time first-team All-CAA left tackle.

While he was a factor in the run game throughout his career, his biggest achievements came while clearing room for two very different passers behind him. The mobile JaJuan Lawson and the pocket-oriented Vito Priore created unique challenges to the URI front line, but Murphy wasn’t fazed.

“I have great chemistry with both of them,” Murphy explained in Indianapolis. “Trust is everything. I just trusted both of them and we just adapted to whatever situation we were in. I feel like my versatility is the biggest thing a lot of teams liked.”

As good as URI’s 2018 was, Murphy’s proudest accomplishment was propping up a passing offense that ranked 13th in FCS in passing yards per game in 2019. The Rams gave up just 26 sacks despite dialing up 531 passing plays: a rate of just 4.9 percent. That came despite a lineup filled with mostly anonymous, zero-star recruits and a limited rushing attack that effectively dared opponents to bring pressure.

“After my junior year, I gained a lot of experience,” Murphy noted when asked when he realized his talent could translate to an NFL career. “I became a leader on and off the field. My junior year, I really shined then. Everything just picked up from there.

“It doesn’t matter whether I get drafted, whether I’m a free agent. I just want to show my talents, show my versatility — show that I just belong.”

That could be at tackle or as a 6’3, 320-pound interior blocker. His NFL career may boil down to one team’s vision of where he’ll fit. If his URI experience is any indication, he’ll blossom no matter what position he takes.

Where could these three URI standouts be drafted?

It’s tough to glean much insight to this year’s pre-draft process thanks to the isolation required by the Covid-19 pandemic. Any gains the Rhode Island trio could have made in private workouts and interviews after the combine have been nullified by the fact everyone’s staying home through April.

That doesn’t mean they’ll be forgotten. Coulter made a major impression on longtime NFL scout Gil Brandt, who labeled him one of his three favorite prospects in a discussion with NBC’s Peter King. Parker didn’t test as well as his younger cousin, but his big, ever-improving production for the Rams could be enough to overcome those concerns.

The larger issue is they both play a position that’s loaded with talent in the 2020 NFL Draft. This spring could see 10-15 wideouts selected in the first two days of the draft, leaving high-ceiling projects like the Rhode Island duo to languish to Day 3 (or possibly later).

Murphy might have an even tougher path to the pros. Like Coulter and Parker, he’s part of a stacked class at his position; if teams are looking for small-school projects in Days 2 or 3, players like St. John’s Ben Bartch or South Carolina State’s Alex Taylor will likely jump him in line. It doesn’t help that he failed to stand out at the combine, finishing among the bottom 10 offensive linemen in multiple drills, including both the 40 and the bench press.

Still, Murphy’s a leader who broke through at an often overlooked program. Though his straight-line speed may be lacking, strong performances in the three-cone and 20-yard shuttle drills in Indianapolis prove he’s quicker than most 320-pounders out there. Writing him off, like he’d been as an unranked recruit, would be foolish now.

The trio leaves a legacy that will boost Rhode Island football even after their departure

The Rams’ escape from the CAA basement lasted just one season. URI went from four conference wins in 2018 to zero a year later, despite three potential draftees on the roster. Even so, the program’s departing stars are confident they’re leaving their former home in better shape than when they found it.

“We’re definitely getting more excitement and recruiting, especially since we’ve had three combine invites,” said Parker.

“It’s great to really put the university back on the map. It’s been overlooked for a while. Even though we haven’t had the record, we always had the talent. Creating a new culture there was a great experience.”

According to Coulter, 2018’s on-field gains helped push for new turf and lights that allowed night games in Kingston for the first time in modern program history. It’s an impact that isn’t lost on the potential Day 2 pick.

“We definitely changed things around a little bit. Getting people talking about [URI football].

“Knowing what they recruited me for — they wanted me to make plays. Knowing that I delivered, it feels good knowing I made a little mark there. Hopefully it keeps going, they keep getting good guys that can take them even higher.”

[elizabethcariasa]

Moon watching, 50 years ago and today

The Apollo 11 lunar landing mission crew, pictured from left to right, Neil A. Armstrong, commander; Michael Collins, command module pilot; and Edwin E. "Buzz" Aldrin Jr., lunar module pilot. (Photo courtesy NASA/Wikipedia Commons)

Today, July 20, is a momentous day for science, the spirit of adventure and humanity.

At 10:56 p.m. Eastern Time (9:56 p.m. in my West Texas hometown's Central Time zone), Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon.

I remember sitting on the floor in front of our black and white television with my younger brother. We had been allowed, actually encouraged, to stay up late to watch (thanks Mom and Dad!).

Our parents were standing behind us, also glued to the screen and as transfixed as their two kids.

Life-long space devotee: Even as a youngster, I knew this was something big.

I had been following the space program for as long as I could remember, partly because of the involvement of another Texan. (Yes, that Texas pride starts early.)

Former President Lyndon B. Johnson had been a champion of manned space flight and although he was no longer in office when interstellar history was made, his handiwork still lives at, among other places, the space center in Houston, later renamed for him.

So on this 50th anniversary of Apollo 11's successful landing in the moon's Sea of Tranquility, this weekend's Saturday Shout Out goes to some of the stories about the moon landing.

Keeping it in Texas to start, I recommend you take 50 minutes to listen to Texas Standard's special program Highway to the Moon: How Texas Paved the Way for Apollo.

"The pathway to the first moon landing ran through Texas, and the marks of that journey left deep and lasting impressions on the Lone Star State," notes the Texas-focused news program that originates from Austin's public radio station KUT.

Among the features are LBJ's role in expanding the National Aeronautics and Space Administration's (NASA) horizons.

An interesting tidbit notes how Johnson, who once he became president launched the war on poverty, saw that federal agency as playing a part in improving and changing the outlooks of the Deep South, hence space facilities were placed in not only Houston, but also Alabama and Florida.

I know I'm biased being a Texan, but I think everyone will enjoy learning more about the birth of our manned space program.

Shouting out to the heavens: Since today is a celebration of such an immense feat, I'm shouting out to the heavens about coverage of the event. So added Shout Outs go this weekend to a few other commemorations.

The New York Times has Apollo 11: As They Shot It. The project combines condensed mission transcripts with selected photographs taken by the Apollo 11 astronauts from July 16-24, 1969.

Apollo 11 in Real Time also has original mission control transcripts, audio and video. One of the exchanges between the astronauts and the folks in Houston dealt with more earthly concerns, specifically baseball.

A day before the first humans would walk on Earth's satellite, they were wanting to know how the hometown Astros were doing, according to Cut4.

Sean Foreman shared on Twitter the sports-space excerpt of the July 19, 1969, Houston vs. Cincinnati game:

50 years ago at this moment. Mission Control was sharing MLB scores with Apollo 11.https://t.co/FX4jfbAUkm pic.twitter.com/vK6DqFBw40

— Sean Forman (@sean_forman) July 19, 2019

More moon shots: There were no long, arcing homeruns — moonshots in baseball parlance for all y'all non-fans — in the closing innings of that Astros-Reds game, but there have been plenty of real ones.

After that first historic step/leap in 1969, humans walked on the moon six more times. There also have been robotic probes making it to the moon. Smithsonian created an interactive map showing all 21 successful moon landings.

Of course, I had to include NASA's official coverage. The original mission video (restored for today's better technology) as aired in July 1969 is posted on YouTube.

The video covers the 2½ or so hours cover Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon, conducting several tasks during extravehicular activity (EVA) operations on the lunar surface. On this one and only EVA for Armstrong and Aldrin, the astronauts remained within about 100 meters of the lunar module, collected about 47 pounds of samples and deployed four experiments.

And speaking of time, Space.com put together this oldie-but-goodie infographic on How the Apollo 11 Moon Landing Worked, subtitled 21 hours on the moon. 

The visual also has some biographical info on the astronauts aboard the literal moon shot.

Man in the module: While Space.com offers some data on the crew, I also must say a few things about Michael Collins, whom I had the great fortune to get to know a bit when I was in Washington, D.C.

Mike (that's what he told everyone to call him) was the astronaut who stayed in the main command module, orbiting the moon as his colleagues did their jobs on the surface.

For today's 50th anniversary, Mike narrated a special video about the Apollo 11 mission that's celebrated in a Google Doodle.

I totally agree with The Verge's review of the search engine's tribute:

The video is far longer than a usual Google Doodle, clocking in at close to five minutes, but it's worth it for Collins' narration, which summarizes the trip to the moon with his own personal recollections over an animation of the voyage. While Collins didn't descend to the surface himself, he was a solo traveler to the far side of the moon, with “three billion, plus two people on one side [of the moon], and me on the other."

On a personal note, I talked more about the video and Mike, a supremely nice, modest and thoughtful person, in a Facebook post.

If you were in front of your TV 50 years ago, I suspect you'll be doing what I will be tonight at the precise moment Armstrong stepped onto the moon: Remembering what a wonderful thing was accomplished and hoping that somehow, someday we can get back to the shared optimism and enthusiasm that Apollo 11 generated.

Space(y) tax topics: Finally, to keep at least a little bit on the main reason for the ol' blog, here are some of my posts over the years that have a tax and space (or maybe spacey!) hook.

'One small step ...'

To infinity and beyond!

Dang! Pluto's been demoted

Star scientists prefer low-tax states

Houston, we have a tax filing deadline problem

ISS astronauts celebrate a traditional Thanksgiving

Apollo 11 astronaut submitted an out-of-this-world travel expense form upon return from moon trip

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[jurassicparkpodcast]

Our Jurassic Journey - A Documentary on Jurassic Explorer | INTERVIEW with Michael Pearce!

Fans of Jurassic World and its video game incarnations may remember our look at Jurassic Explorer, a fantastic three-dimensional game which lets fans get explore the world of a functioning Jurassic World park from a first-person perspective. Before you read today’s piece, we recommend you check out our other feature on the game, where we chatted to the Game’s lead developer, Michael Pearce.

Today we are breaking down an upcoming project tied into Jurassic Explorer, known as ‘Our Jurassic Journey’ – a behind the scenes documentary which will explore the creation of Jurassic Explorer. Ahead of the documentary’s debut in December, we wanted to catch up with Michael again to discuss more about what goes into creating a project of truly ‘Jurassic’ proportions. Check out the interview below:

Hi Michael – thanks for sitting down with us again! It doesn’t seem that long ago that we were chatting about Jurassic Explorer. I heard you and your team have been making a Documentary. So, what is 'Our Jurassic Journey'?

It's good to be back here, Tom! Last time we talked was just before we released Season 2 of our fan game, "Jurassic Explorer", which was more than a year ago now. Since that time our team has been hard at work making a Documentary which will explore the three-year journey our development team took to make Jurassic Explorer. We call this Documentary “Our Jurassic Journey: A Documentary on Jurassic Explorer".

What inspired you to make a documentary about the journey behind Jurassic Explorer?

There were a lot of little things, but I’d say there's two main reasons. Since we released Season 1, the project really blew up and got noticed by many members of the community. Having all those ideas and having the opportunity to expand on the game with Season 2 was a dream come true. By that time, we had learned so much about game development, art, music and our own abilities, and we wanted to share that process with everyone. I think people don't understand what really goes into fan projects behind-the-scenes, and how valuable those skills can be as game developers.

Our Documentary isn’t exclusively about Jurassic Explorer however, and this is the other reason I wanted to make a documentary. My brother and I have been making games since we were young (5 & 7 years old), and as we've grown up it's been a consistent thing we've both pursued. With both of us now entering the industry, I wanted to highlight our journey into employment within our dream sector too, and how we've progressed and gotten to where we are by working together.

How long can we expect the Documentary to be? Is it a short film? Something more?

Our Jurassic Journey will be roughly an hour and twenty minutes long. It’s feature-film length, purely because we had a lot to say and many things to cover.

This Documentary explores much more than just our fan project. It looks at game development all around the world, and follows us on that journey together. We always aimed to make it feel enjoyable to both those who have and haven't heard about Jurassic explorer before.

What was the biggest thing the process of working on Jurassic Explorer taught you?

So, as a game developer, it’s a unique industry. It's something that can be taught in schools, but it’s not as straight forward as getting taught other jobs. I think something a ton of upcoming developers are missing these days are the practical skills you learn when not only being in a development team, but by making a game together whilst directing and guiding the team yourself. Those three major skills become incredibly important when you make a game yourself.

There's a lot of programmers, artists and designers out there who have the theory down but can't find a team to work with, or can't quite complete a full game. It happens all the time, as it’s not easy to find a team or find the opportunity to complete a game.

So, I’d say my biggest takeaway from working on Jurassic Explorer is working on a game, completing it, and directing all of it as a lead dev. Learning all the intricacies of that process along the way was also beneficial. Those practical skills are incredibly valuable and I wouldn't have been able to gain them without the amazing team we've formed together.

Where do you hope to go in the future, now Jurassic Explorer is under your belt?

We dive into what’s next for me and the team in the Documentary, so I don't want to give too much away. I will say that there's a ton of opportunities out there that we're working towards.

We have many ideas and lots of experience that I think will hopefully continue to impress people, and put smiles on people’s faces. With JE we really identified both our skills and our own unique style as a team. I hope that all our future games can capture the same mood and feelings that JE prompted in the audiences who experienced the project

More than anything, I hope people will continue to follow us through our next journey.

Let’s talk about the team – how did you assemble a group of people who wanted to work on this project?

It began in 2015 when I made a (looking back at it, terrible!) 3D Model of the Innovation Centre from JW. It was never supposed to be anything more than that, and I simply did it as a fun learning experience. But, as I shared it online, it gained traction, and people wanted more. So, I made more.

I expanded from the Innovation Centre, eventually forming the whole park, and over time I found our first team member, Andreas Strom.

For about a year we worked on that early project (Back then, simply called "Jurassic World 3D Project") and released three versions to the public which got coverage across YouTube and social media.

After that, we restarted the project from the ground up to build it in new and better software, and alongside three other new team members (Bernard, Zack and River), we began work on Jurassic Explorer.

From day one we knew it was a project we could learn from, and we knew it was an opportunity to grow and develop our talents as a team.

The rest is history!

What did everyone who got involved contribute to the project?

We have a team of 6 members.  The core team consisting of Bernard, River and I.

I am the lead developer and 3D Environment Artist. My job is to not only lead the project and decide what is happening and how, but to also make all the art for the games. I also have been involved in directing and editing the accompanying films, too!

Bernard is our Music Composer, and is incredibly talented. All our melodies, musical pieces and anything you hear in both the games and the film will have been composed by him. I've worked very closely with Bernard on each piece produced, and have even been lucky enough to write out some melodies for the game too.

River is our General Programmer and will play a very important role in the next journey we undertake.

Andreas is our Character Artist which means he makes all the Dinosaurs and other organic visuals in our games.

Zack handled all the AI Programming in Jurassic Explorer and brought the dinosaurs who appeared in the game to life.

Lastly, we also had some help from my brother Brandon with programming.  You may know Brandon from the famous Minecraft Mod - 'The Aether'.

One member of the team found a very cool job after JE – can you tell us a little more about that?

I can't mention anything specific until after the Documentary is released. But, I will say it really puts into perspective how valuable projects like this can be. It's not just making something that gets you to where you want to go, but it’s keeping at it and persisting throughout the trials and tribulations that projects can face. You must make it your everything. You can’t just give up.

This whole journey for all of us has been amazing and the opportunities we're finding because of what we've learned along the way are both special, and extremely exciting!

I hope you're excited to find out more when the documentary releases.

Lastly, what is next for the Dimensional Digital Team?

 A lot! We're not going anywhere, and this is just the start of another journey we're taking.

Creating this Documentary has been incredible for us, and has taught us so much. I've never done something like this before, so making a feature length film which allowed us to express ourselves this way has been amazing.

I hope that you all continue to follow our journey in the future.

Where can everyone follow up if they want to learn more?

Our Jurassic Journey : A Documentary On Jurassic Explorer will release in December this year, An official date will be coming very soon. Look forward to the first trailer on the film coming November 28th too! We currently have a info page on our Fluminus website (Which Fluminus btw ties directly into the film so be sure to watch to find out!) and will be posted to all of our social media and YouTube channels.

For the time being, and for discussion after, people are free to join our Fluminus Discord server to talk everything Our Jurassic Journey and more.

Big thanks to Michael for taking the time to talk about ‘Our Jurassic Journey: A Documentary on Jurassic Explorer’.

You can watch an EXCLUSIVE sneak peek of the documentary here:

The Documentary will release worldwide in December, and will be available on the Fluminus Social Media and YouTube channels, which can be found by visiting the Fluminus Website.

Fluminus welcome people to also join their Discord to discuss the project in the build-up to its release: https://discord.gg/7F3mKrz

Written by: Tom Fishenden

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Puck Daddy Bag of Mail: What have the Caps done differently this time around?

Could this be it?

Just hours after this article goes live on the worldwide web, the Stanley Cup Final could come to an end. And with that, the hockey season ends.

But hey, there’s still at least 60 more minutes of hockey left, so let’s savor it while we can. We won’t all be back here again until mid-September! So hey, you’ve got Cup Final questions? I’ve got answers to those questions, folks!

Let’s go:

Graham asks: “Why were people getting on the Caps for “humiliating” Vegas and “running up the score?”

Because hockey people are the worst!

The only justification I can find for that talk, within my own understanding of the sport, is that Vegas was getting awful pissed off about getting fed its lunch so consistently throughout the game. You know Ryan Reaves wanted to murder Tom Wilson at some point and the broader the score margin, the more likely that was to happen. That was a chippy third period in no small part because Vegas knew the game was over after the first and wanted to do a little message-sending.

If you’re Washington, it is perhaps arguable that you do not want that message sent to you.

But yeah I mean if you’re arguing it because Vegas doesn’t “deserve” to lose like that or something, you’re a dope. Vegas and every other team in the world deserves to lose by however much they lose by. This is how the sport works. This is how all sports work. Especially professional sports! These guys are millionaire elite athletes. Who cares.

Grunfeld asks: “How much do you think Holtby’s rest all season is helping him now?”

Am I allowed to say, “I don’t think it’s a thing at all?”

Holtby’s problem in the playoffs has arguably been “workload” maybe once ever. And even then, it was one or two bad series so I’m not sitting here going “Holtby taking eight extra games off in January really turned this around for the Caps.”

Braden Holtby has been a beast for the Caps. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/NHLI via Getty Images)

The guy has basically deserved to get this deep (well, maybe not “one win away from a Final” deep) for six or seven years. He finally does it, but it’s probably not because Barry Trotz stopped using him for a little while.

Donald asks: “What has Ovie figured out or put together this time around? Is the pure goal scorer doing more?”

I’m gonna say the same thing about Ovechkin that I just said about Holtby: People want to put post-facto explanations on performance they otherwise don’t want to wrap their heads around.

When Holtby and Ovechkin were losing in the second round every single year because no one else on the team could put the puck in the ocean from the end of a pier, they weren’t at fault. They’re playing great now, to be sure, but do you think Ovechkin at 33 years old was like, “Well, what if I tried backchecking this year?”

There is truly nothing in the numbers to suggest Ovechkin is doing all that much differently. I mentioned this a few weeks ago but not-playing him 24 minutes a night or whatever is probably helping keep the goals against down, if you think Ovechkin is a huge defensive liability.

But the other thing that’s really important to keep in mind here is that this year and last are really the only two times Washington had two real scoring lines. The emergence of Kuznetsov this year as an elite offensive talent (rather than simply being a player with elite skill) is why that line looks so good now. Hope this helps.

Scott asks: “Why is it a “veteran move” when a player skates slower to get an icing called? Do they not call icing until NHL? Seemed to remember doing that when I was 12 years old.”

I can’t find the tweet now but someone on Twitter wondered aloud why it’s incumbent upon the attacking team to hustle to catch up with an iced puck at all. There’s no incentive for it.

I’d never thought about it that way, but yeah it really doesn’t make any sense, so when players do that in an effort to run a few extra seconds off the clock while simultaneously getting a faceoff in the attacking end again. To your point, it’s not some genius move, it’s the only reasonable thing to do.

This is another reason why I think automatic icing is good, but whatever.

Brendan asks: “Which is sweeter: Washington winning in 5 in Vegas to put a great end to the “Vegas is very good actually” talk, or Vegas winning in 7 to keep the Washington curse alive?”

Definitely the second one. If the Caps somehow blow this lead, I might never stop laughing. To get so far, to basically have everyone in hockey call this series over after the Game 4 blowout, and then to fall apart like this? That would be unreal.

I think there’s really not much of a chance of that actually happening, but if it did, boy oh boy.

Bobby asks: “What figure formerly affiliated with the Caps over the past 10 years is most apoplectic watching this run?”

Bruce Boudreau, no question.

His Caps teams were so so so so so much better than this one and he couldn’t get them anywhere close to getting over the hump. Meanwhile, he’s suffered the same fates in Anaheim (which by the way has only gotten worse since he was fired) and Minnesota (which by the way is not really suited to deep playoff runs) that he always did in Washington.

Not that I particularly think he has a lot of blame to bear for almost all of those losses — he’s one of the best coaches alive — but how does this not drive you bonkers?

Chris asks: “Does Vegas sign Carlson in the offseason?”

Well they certainly have the money and the need. Nate Schmidt getting a little bit exposed in this series was, perhaps, to be expected, because he’s just a good No. 2 guy, not a No. 1.

I’m not super convinced that John Carlson is going to have the kind of revelatory run with whatever team gives him $60 million this summer that most might think based on his level of performance this season. Anywhere he goes probably won’t put him in a position to rack up 43 of his 87 points between the regular season and playoffs on the power play, right?

I mean, you’d be nuts to think a 28-year-old defender who just shattered his personal single-season points record is going to keep that up for, what, three more years, let alone seven.

Which is why I like the Erik Karlsson-Bobby Ryan trade for Vegas a lot more than throwing John Carlson this kind of money. On the other hand, Vegas is certainly getting in a lot of “seen him good” time in this Cup Final, so I bet they’re interested.

Mike asks: “Conn Smythe winner?”

Technically it should go to Kuznetsov because he has just been phenomenal throughout the playoffs, then elevated his game in the Cup Final. He’s got points in 12 of his last 13 games in this postseason, and the one he didn’t score in was the one where he got hurt.

Going into the Cup Final he had an impressive 11-13-24 in 19 games. In the Cup Final, he’s already up to 1-6-7 in just four games.

Kuznetsov is one of only five guys in the cap era to clear 30 points in a postseason. Only he, Sid Crosby and Evgeni Malkin — both in 2008-09 — are north of 31 as well. The two guys tied at 30 are 2009-10 Dany Briere and 2015-16 Logan Couture.

You can also argue Holtby and I’m very much for it. He’s been phenomenal and there’s the storyline element of “he didn’t even get a start until Game 3 of the first round.”

But morally, you gotta give it to Ovechkin, right? He’s been really great too, and my man is having the time of his life!

Any of those three guys are perfectly acceptable, especially now that Fleury has completely folded in on himself. But c’mon, it’s Ovechkin’s, right?

—

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

All stats via Corsica unless noted otherwise. Some questions in the mailbag are edited for clarity or to remove swear words, which are illegal to use.

More Stanley Cup Final coverage from Yahoo Sports

[adamandbrittanyinhawaii]

Losing Idols

Every generation has some unique threads that make generalizations about them easy and common.  For instance, people in my age band typically get some less than flattering descriptions since we grew up with the power of the internet at our fingertips and ultra-high service levels being provided, with convenience of the utmost importance.  I know for me though, a writer that’s never met me can’t categorize me properly.  That being said, one thing my generation has suffered through is something that I’ve never seen a single person in the media address: a loss of idols.

When I was senior, regrettably, I entered this scholarship competition where finalist candidates would get interviewed for the newspaper and then the scholarship winner would be chosen at the end of the year.  I hated the publicity, and not because there are now forever awkward pictures of me in the newspaper, but because I was getting recognized for doing things that I felt like everyone can or should do.  I still remember the one question the reporter posed to me though.  She asked me if I had any heroes and my response was Lance Armstrong.  The dude had just won his 7th straight Tour de France months earlier, had branded Livestrong into the common lexicon and of course beat cancer.  It was a stupid answer because the guy isn’t involved with my life so how much of an influence can he be relative to everyone that helped raise me?  Regardless, I did draw inspiration from what he accomplished in his life and so I suppose it isn’t a terrible answer, just labeling him a hero was probably not correct.

Let’s fast forward 7 years and he is sitting with Oprah and after years of swearing up and down that he is clean and everyone else is a liar, he admitted his entire career was essentially a fraud since he cheated.  Obviously his accomplishments are then tainted, but then should I not even draw inspiration from his accomplishments?  What am I supposed to think of a fallen hero when for years only their positive attributes are promoted?  Does the negative outweigh the positive?  Does his story mean anything at all if he is just a middling cyclist?  Can’t that be good enough for a cancer survivor?  Why does being a winner in competition need to be a prerequisite for honor?

For my generation though Lance Armstrong is a dime a dozen.  In the late ‘90’s a sport I would consider the most boring on the face of this Earth underwent a renaissance.  Golf had struck gold with a young guy with a fun first name that was, fittingly enough, ripping competitors to shreds like a tiger.  Suddenly golf club retailers and manufacturers were printing money and golf tournaments were the lead story on ESPN.  And when I say tournaments, I really mean the coverage was recapping Tiger’s day.  It’s funny, I even remember my Grandma talking one time about how impressed she was that Tiger always declined to answer personal questions and would only talk about his public life.  In retrospect we all can understand why.  In my final semester of college the world found out about Tiger away from the golf course and his life has never been the same.

If we are talking sports we could go all day on this topic.  It was thrilling to watch McGwire and Bonds smash a home run almost every game and yet, they were celebrated for years before the veil was torn on them and they got exposed for what they really were: cheaters. The team with the most super bowls this century has been caught cheating twice!  Not that they are my idols but I know for many folks they worship at that throne.

For most people my age we are living with the fact that those we looked up to were just frauds.  My friend Tim used to be a professional Triathlete.  He is amazing at swimming and cycling so naturally he really admired the accomplishments of Lance.  While Tim isn’t someone you will see on a national commercial anytime soon, he did extremely well and made a 15+ year career out of it.  At one of his races in Asia he was at a post-race event with friends and happened to meet Lance and chat with him a bit.  He was, naturally, in awe of Lance and getting to even be meeting him.  When Tim’s friend referred to them as professional triathletes though Lance, in the most condescending tone imaginable scoffed and said “you aren’t really a professional until you have your own masseuse”.  He was dead serious.  He was for some reason appalled that people less successful than him considered themselves professionals.  That is the version of Lance that the whole world knows all too well now that the mask has been lifted off his public persona but at the time that was a bombshell for Tim.

I think all of this just makes me a very skeptical person, or at least more so than I would be otherwise.  My former employer is one of the wealthiest individuals in the state and is glorified everywhere in the state for his philanthropy but after seeing how the sausage is actually made, it just makes me cringe when I hear people talk about the guy as if he isn’t 100% self-serving even amidst his “generosity”.  He is buying properties and getting over 100% of the purchase funded by debt, pocketing any extra funding he gets, donating the ownership rights to the university so that he can get a tax write off and get lauded for his “legacy”.  The cost for him is that he is foregoing assets that are so loaded with debt that they won’t be able to pay a penny to the owner in the next 40+ years (long after he is dead).  Behind any hero worship is just a sad reality and it makes me incapable of taking people at their word too often.  That makes me good at my job but maybe not the best human.

I guess I would just say my experience on this topic wasn’t unique.  I think, even if subconscious, most of my peers probably feel similarly about being skeptical and distrustful.  Maybe it is a good thing.  People can behave like sheep far too often so maybe it is a good thing that there is a higher degree of skepticism.  However, having worked in an industry for many years that is comprised of 100% skeptics and being married to a lawyer, I would say there are certainly tradeoffs to having that much debate since it causes excess disagreements.

I didn’t have a main point of this article, just wanted to explore some of the things that shaped me.  I recently watched a couple documentaries about Lance Armstrong and it made me ponder many things anew.

[auburnfamilynews]

A much belated review

     War Eagle, everybody! It’s time now for the Acid Reign Report on Auburn’s 2019 A-Day game. For the first time in a decade, I was not able to attend. Real life intervenes, sometimes. Watching the game televised wasn’t as fun, frankly. I’m kinda spoiled, in that I usually line up early, get a good seat, and can watch any facet of the game I want. On the televised version, we sometimes got a look at the whole field and the secondary, but often not. The TV crew also obscured a fair number of plays with unrelated Auburn interviews with celebrities. In the second half, the clock never stopped, and TV did commercial breaks anyway, with plays ongoing.

     At least in the first half it was a night-and-day difference for the offense compared to last season’s spring game. Most surprising was how effective junior quarterback Malik Willis looked, running the second team offense against the ones on the first drive of the game. Willis made smart throws to move the chains and then hit a big bomb to Matthew Hill to get the only TD of the day for the reserves. Frankly, I saw 4 quarterbacks on this day that I think Auburn can win with. I left A-Day last year convinced that we had to keep Jarrett Stidham healthy or we would finish last in the division.

     It was a decent day for the Auburn defense, which mostly squashed the running game. There was literally nowhere to run for either group of running backs in the first half. Quarterbacks were a different story. The base defense that was run did not account for quarterback runs, and whistles on the quarterback seemed much slower than last year. Both Joey Gatewood and Bo Nix ran 10+ yards for first downs on occasion before they were blown dead. Honestly, the Auburn defense looked like it had never seen a quarterback pull the ball and keep it on the zone-read. It’s a little worrisome since virtually every Auburn opponent next fall is going to have a quarterback that is not afraid to pull it, put his head down, and run around or through defenders.

     Auburn had big issues that cost games on the sidelines with the secondary last season. I think one starter, Noah Igbinoghene, did a better job this spring getting his head around on deep balls. And Noah didn’t get very many snaps in this game nor did co-starter Javaris Davis, who might have the best eyes on the field, in the Auburn secondary. Reserves struggled at times in the first half, as a lot of deep balls clicked for big gains. That said, Auburn quarterbacks had time to throw it, thanks partly to improved offensive line play and the fact that the defense rarely blitzed. Even if there was a blitz, it was only a 5-man rush.

     Punting wasn’t live, but I thought incumbent Aaron Siposs had a great day. He is good for a 50-yard punt in the open field and consistently parked the ball inside the ten-yard line when he was pooch-punting. Auburn return men did not muff any balls, either, and got away from the bouncers inside the 10.

     There was a night and day difference on the offensive line, this spring. The starters were pretty stout in getting their man neutralized, and even the reserves did well at times. Auburn isn’t is deep here, as has been the case in the past few years, but there are some options if a starter gets dinged up. The reserves had some real trouble with the starting D-line, in the first half. After the starters gave up a touchdown pass on the first drive, Derrick Brown basically took over the line of scrimmage and made life miserable for blockers, runners and quarterbacks. The Auburn staff took him out of the game in the second half.

     I really like the 7-on-7 warmup stuff that has been implemented the past few A-Days. TV only showed a few plays, and it seemed mostly that the quarterbacks were dropping the ball off in the flat to running backs. We missed the front end of this drill. They typically do a deep ball, then a medium ball, then a short ball in those drills. The deep ball battles are the most fun to watch and judge whether a quarterback can stretch an SEC defense. I think Auburn has options there with multiple quarterbacks and receivers.

Unit observations after the jump!

     Auburn was not as dominant on the defensive line as in recent A-Days. Aside from the first drive for the reserves, the starters dominated. Auburn has its work cut out to produce reliable substitutes against a tough schedule this fall.

     I was worried that Auburn would suffer this spring with inexperienced linebackers but was pleasantly surprised. Kenny Britt led the way in this scrimmage, but Auburn had guys well into the depth chart making plays, too. Occasionally, a runner would get loose for 5 yards or so. We saw hardly any double-digit runs. Linebackers made the tackle.

     Auburn’s secondary was really put in a bad spot, early in the game. They played nearly all cover-two zone, and everyone on the offense knew it. A lot of the second and third team corners got turned around, could not see the pass coming, and were asking for flags to be thrown.

     Punting was really good. I think Aaron Siposs has a chance to be the best punter in the SEC this season, and Auburn has dangerous options in the return game as well as good coverage. Auburn had guys blocking punts last season at a good clip, and every one of the guys blocking those punts returns.

     Anders Carlson hit his only field goal attempt this spring from a decent distance. Where you learn about kickers in the spring is by watching warmups. They try one from 20. Then 30, etc. Of course, I didn’t get to watch this year. I’m told that Carlson had a near-perfect warmup. Hopefully, he’ll have a great fall.

     One of the things I liked about the offensive line this spring is that the starters really did not let anyone get loose up the middle on defense. Stunts on the D-line were rare this spring, but when they happened, the O-line was able to sort things out and play solidly from the inside out. If a pass rusher is let loose from the corner, Auburn’s mobile quarterbacks have options. Let a guy come clean up the middle, and that’s a real problem. Half of the field is suddenly cut off, and a good pass rusher is going to force the quarterback to scramble either to the side of the field where he has to sling the ball across his body or to the short side with less room for the receivers.

     Auburn has big shoes to fill in the H-back/tight end spots this year, and aside from a handful of short-yardage wildcat snaps, we didn’t see many of these guys on the field. I think we will be solid this season with Spencer Nigh and John Samuel Schenker. I didn’t see any missed blocks from that pair, and Schenker has potential in the passing game. I say “potential.” I have observed over the past decade with coach Gus Malzhan that only a couple of tight ends have caught a significant number of balls, those being Phillip Lutzenkirchen, and C. J. Uzomah.

     I was worried about the receiving corps this year with Ryan Davis and Derrick Slayton leaving. However, there is a lot of talent returning, and it was on display on A-Day. Usually we get the dropped-ball show in the spring, but the guys were pretty much on point. Seth Williams particularly impressed me. He was Auburn’s most reliable set of hands in 2018 as a true freshman. Matthew Hill made a couple of spectacular catches. Eli Stove was solid. One guy you don’t hear much about is Marquis McClain. He was out there a good bit on A-Day, and I was impressed with his blocking. He displayed that “Julio Jones” ability to just intimidate a much smaller corner and drive that defender into the bench. That can really help a running game. Auburn gets track star Anthony Schwartz back this fall, too.

     At running back, Auburn played Kam Martin and JaTarvious Whitlow pretty sparingly. There was a lot more work for Malik Miller, D. J. Williams and Harold Joiner. Williams was the most shifty of the reserves and showed good power as well.

     I don’t really know what to say about the unexpected display of quality depth at quarterback displayed on A-Day. There were a few forced throws when guys were playing under pressure behind reserve linemen, but otherwise I think Auburn displayed 4 quarterbacks capable of being good SEC players next fall. I can’t imagine we will be able to keep all 4 on the roster come September or October. I think Joey Gatewood will ultimately win the starting job, but I don’t think any of the others will go down without a fight.

     I’m sincerely hoping that this will be the last A-Day I have to sit out. I appreciate the SEC Network for having the live broadcast, but I really missed being able to watch warmups, and a lot of the second half was lost to viewers when the talking heads and commercials took over .

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[3one3]

The Sequel - 899

Team Matters

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Daddy’s home.”

“Daddy!”

“Go get him!”

Lukas got up and ran after the dogs that abandoned him to go see who opened the door from the garage. They’d been playing a combination of fetch, tug of war, and wrestling for a while, all happy to be indoors with a fire on a frigid, damp Sunday afternoon. A minute later, a well-dressed man walked in with the trio of playmates looking decidedly happier than when he left.

“How did the meeting go?” his wife asked with optimism and hope.

“We got booed. The management got applause. Bosz isn’t sacked.”

“God damn it!”

“Why are you in your pajamas already, Mausi?” André asked the little boy in his arm, wrinkling his club suit.  

“He napped during the race,” Mom supplied. She peeled away her blanket and sat up from her couch nest to get a hello-kiss.

“Who won?”

“Not Seb.”

“Sorry. Are you about to work out? I’ll watch him if you give me a minute to go cha-“

“No. I already did. I was just too lazy to change. I sat down to watch a few minutes of the pre-race coverage with the intention of changing after I cooled off but then I decided to just be sweaty and gross and stay on the couch.”

“What did you do while Mommy did her exercise?” André asked Lukas, who was trying to extract his silver tie from the matching sweater.

“Dancing and goals. Can you do cars with me?”

“Yes. I would love to play cars with you.” He kissed the little boy’s red cheek, and thought about what a relief it was to come home after the tense event and be with his family. Dortmund got slaughtered in the Champions League midweek, there was talk of the manager parting ways with the club, the crisis felt more heated than ever before, and the pressure on the team to win the most important game of their season was enormous. Mega-rival Schalke showed up at Signal Iduna Park four days later. If the Bees played the way they had been against their derby opponents, they could reach a breaking point, so everyone was prepared to give their best. André hoped the poor performance of the players picked to start against Tottenham might give him a chance to start instead, but it wasn’t to be. He was on the bench, and never got in the game. He really thought he would have an opportunity in the second half after Dortmund went up an astonishing 4-0 in the first 25 minutes. They banged in goal after goal- one each for Auba, Mario, and Raf Guerreiro, plus an own goal. Schalke made a double substitution on 33’ and changed the game. The home side saw that the second half wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, or a chance to put some guys in off the bench to get their goals and run up the score. Schalke had backbone and resolve.

They scored twice right on the hour-mark. It was demoralizing for the shaking Black and Yellows. Bosz brought on Marc Bartra to fit into the 3-5-2 as the right wingback, where Christian Pulisic had been playing. That required taking off Yarmolenko, who had been one of the only players through which the team was able to get out when penned in. Then Auba got sent off for a second, incredibly dumb yellow. Mario, the brightest player in the match, was taken off after a bad knock and replaced by Gonzalo Castro- the first move from the manager that actually kind of made sense. He brought some small measure of safety in that he could actually keep the ball, and he offered fresh legs. But Guerreiro came off moments later and that was the end of the whole keeping the ball thing. Because having the most nervous and unreliable defender in Marc on the pitch wasn’t enough, Bosz wanted to get Zagadou on, the second most nervous and unreliable defender. Not three minutes after his arrival, Schalke got their third. They also ended up down to 10 as well because Castro raked his studs down the back of a leg and the player couldn’t continue. Treatment for his injury went on forever, so there were 7 minutes added. Schalke centerback Naldo scored the equalizer on 90+3, and Borussia Dortmund was essentially a laughing stock. The entirety of the Bosz era was squeezed into the 97-minute performance, with all its attacking highs and defensive nightmares. The fans had every right to boo on Sunday. Christina was so apoplectic about the performance that Lukas got upset listening to her rant at home after, when his Dad got there. She had to explain that she wasn’t yelling at him- just the “inexplicably incapable” manager of his dad’s team.

“I think I’m gonna shower if you’re gonna play with him,” she yawned. “I put the turkey in about an hour ago. It should start to smell nice soon.” All the Thanksgiving posts on Instagram and Facebook from her friends in the US finally got to her. She ordered a 16lb turkey from the butcher and got a big sack of potatoes. There would be a mini-Thanksgiving in Ahlenberg later. And not a moment too soon. The family planned to go Christmas tree shopping on Monday.

“Go get out the cars you want to play with,” André advised as he returned Lukas to the floor.

“First put away the toys you’re done with,” his mother ordered in a most motherly way. André went upstairs for sweatpants and a t-shirt, and she dug her phone out of the Berkshire blanket blob she’d been curled up in in her sports bra and boyshorts. She’d been texting with Natasha about everything from Christmas to Cornflakes. Yannis and Leo were getting on really well with their new trainer at Box Hill, an older gentleman with experience in steeplechasing and eventing in addition to show jumping. He only taught at the stable two days per week so the kids weren’t getting as much instruction as they used to, but were benefitting from being in such a busy place. There were other boys and girls to ride with, so they learned from each other in and out of the saddle. They made up games. They hung out outside of the barn. Christina was really glad that it was working out so well for them because she was initially afraid that they’d lose interest and their ponies would go to waste. She was also really pleased that they were with a coach who would give them balanced instruction with elements of all the different disciplines. The boys wanted her to attend Box Hill’s Christmas show to see them compete. Their mom desperately wanted her to go Christmas shopping and cocktailing with her. Christina just wanted to talk about Eden and the effect of his football on her physical senses. To watch Eden Hazard play football after Eden Hazard finally had a forced vacation to rest his body and his broken ankle was to enjoy a sexual experience. He just kept getting better and better, and in her mind that somehow meant the Hazards’ sex life must also be devastatingly awesome.

“He’s not really any different,” Mrs. Hazard wrote back to her question as to whether or not his current run of world-beating form had any effect on him off the pitch. “The kids are getting a good lesson in humility because he keeps saying on TV that his teammates make it easy and it’s not just him and Morata. He’s lying.”

“I wish I could come to a game soon! Anyway. Do you have any idea what one would do with lightly worn couture dresses she wishes to part with? I need to get rid of some of the things I’m never gonna wear again. They’re too nice and too expensive to just give away.”

“No. I have fewer couture dresses than you have riding boots. Try calling the girls at our fave? They might know a consignment shop.”

“Do you remember the poufy red dress I wore for the CFC xmas party when I was pregnant?”

“No.”

“Oh well it’s so pretty and romantic and I just found it today because it’s been zipped in a bag since I moved and now I want to wear it somewhere. I’m so longing for a formal party to go to with Schü in a tux or nice suit. In London you can go to one like every week. There’s always something. We have nada here.”

“What about just a really nice restaurant? We could double date in party frocks and suits when you’re here.”

“Maybe!”

“Okay you’re relieved,” André yawned when he returned. “Who you talking to?”

“Nat.” Oof it’s cold in here, the rider complained inside once she was fully out of her blanket and covered in goosebumps instead. Man he needs a haircut. I hate his winter hair. “Come here a second.” Can’t take him to a fancy dinner with this hair, ugh. Christina stood on her toes and reached up to completely wreck her partner’s carefully coiffed look. His hair was longer than usual all around, and he’d slicked it back and over for the sake of formality. He liked it that way. She made a messy mop of it. “That’s better.” He got a kiss of approval before she padded off in her slippers.

“All right, Mommy’s gone, what kind of trouble do you want to get into?” the footballer asked his mini-me. He sat on the rug with him in front of the end of the Manchester City game. Lukas had a handful of tiny Hot Wheels supercars, a larger military jeep, and Ferrari Formula 1 cars in two sizes. He’d also brought his road map mat out from his playroom, and collected two throw pillows.

“Rally cars!” His favorite thing to do with his toy cars, besides crash them into each other, was push them on, around, and over a series of obstacles he cobbled together from whatever was around. He had the world’s only open-wheel racing cars capable of sticking the landing after jumping off a coffee table. There had to be sound effects too. The best part of playing rally cars with Daddy was that Daddy did good car and crash sounds. The two boys arranged the pillows and the mat to establish their racetrack, and discussed which cars they each wanted to use. André chose the Hot Wheels Porsche. It was small and easy to hold, and he had a pretty good flat-6 engine impression in his car sound effect repertoire. He pretended the rear engine car was hard to keep going straight and that he had to drift through all the turns. Lukas went for the Le Mans-spec Aston Martin, which his mother deeply regretted letting him have. It was an expensive model that used to serve as a bookend on her shelf, not a toy. He broke an endplate off the wing, bent the mirror, and cracked one of its yellow headlights. It made her angry every time she looked at it. He needed two hands to navigate it around his course, and he had to stand up and crawl while André could reach most of the course while seated Indian-style in the middle of it.

“Were you watching the game with Mommy?”

“Yep.”

“Was it exciting?”

“No.”

“Did she shout a lot?”

“No. She napped.”

“She napped?” Dad chuckled. “Are you sure? She’s not supposed to nap when no one else is home with you!”

“She napped. Do the souuunds,” Lukas giggled while André’s 911 skidded out and narrowly missed colliding with the ottoman. The pilot made tire squeal and engine rumble noises as he straightened his car and headed for the magazine ramp up to the furry pillow, but he was thinking about Christina. She doesn’t fall asleep when she’s watching the baby, ever. That’s like her biggest fear. She falls asleep and he burns the house down or cuts the dog’s ear off or something. I know she’s tired but wow, he commented to himself. I hope it’s not her new drugs. She said the whole point of them is that it doesn’t make her tired and loopy. They’re supposed to just make her nauseous instead, as if that’s so much better, the player tutted inside. He asked his girl about her new prescription when she got home from Qatar. She asked Müll for a non-opioid pain solution, and he recommended trying an anticonvulsant used for people with chronic nerve and musculoskeletal pain. He gave her an extended release version designed specifically to avoid the common side effects of the regular kind, like drowsiness. It could be taken once a day for a long time, or used as needed. Christina didn’t want to try the daily course because one side effect it definitely still came with was a feeling of weakness in the extremities. That wouldn’t do for her. Her various ailments hadn’t been bad enough yet to give the new drug a go, as far as André knew. They had a small fight about the pills. She didn’t like his assumption that she was seeking new drugs for some nefarious, secret reason, and he didn’t like that she had enough pain to warrant asking their doctor for a new solution but didn’t tell him about it. Her rebuttal was that she always told him exactly what and how much it hurt when he asked about it, and that he just didn’t ask that much anymore.

“You beat me! The Aston Martin is so quick, yeah?”

“Again! This time, Ferrari,” Lukas said after their first race. He went to hand the smaller of his single-seaters to his dad to use for the second race, and his dad’s phone buzzed on the coffee table at the same time.

“Do a practice run,” André suggested, reaching for the device. He lay on his back to check the message, and Lukas complained that he was blocking the track. He told him to just drive over him, so his stomach became part of the rally car obstacle course. The text was in the team’s group chat. The guys wanted to do a team dinner the following night to talk about what was happening at the club, and what they could and should do about it. There was a lot of re-coaching going on on the pitch. The team’s leaders changed the game plan a lot without the manager largely due to a lack of confidence in Bosz. Some of the players believed they should do more of that, and some felt they were undermining the coach to the team’s detriment. That wasn’t the kind of talk they could have in public in a restaurant in Dortmund, so Schmelle was soliciting ideas about where to gather.

We could just have everyone over here, André mused, taking a break from the screen to stare at the painted wood planks every three feet across his ceiling. They used to be natural. Zoe made them white to make the room feel bigger, and it worked. Something like grilled steaks and fish would be easy. It’s a lot of food to prepare but I can grill. Chris doesn’t have to do it all herself. And we have room for a lot of food on the one outside and space for more on the griddle thing in the kitchen. Roasted vegetables. I think we can do two pans at a time in each oven. I’m not sure where we put everyone. He glanced toward the kitchen but couldn’t really see it beyond the back of the couch. The dining table is for 10 but we could probably fit 12 or 14. Then some people could sit at the counter in the kitchen. We don’t all have to sit together. The talking can be before and after the food. If it’s not raining, we could even eat outside. The space heater is supposed to keep the whole patio warm. I can set up the beer pong table to eat on, and bring the dining room chairs out. The regular table is for 8 maybe. Yeah. I’m going to volunteer, André concluded. I think I’m the only one with enough parking too. I’ll tell them to try to carpool though.

“Do you want to go to Noah’s tomorrow night?” he asked while typing.

“I like Noah,” his little body nodded, significantly more interested in landing his Aston Martin after the jump from his waist to the carpet, which the cars really had to skim over. The pile was too deep to push them along quickly. André finished offering his house and his food in exchange for Marco’s partner’s childcare services and sat up to get his little Ferrari.

“Okay let’s race.” I’m going to let him think he’s winning again and then I’m going to hold the back of his Santa penguins pajama shirt and laugh at him doing the air swimming thing like the dogs do when you hold them over the pool or the bathtub. Where are they anyway...The BVB man swiveled his head around to check for Toy Fox Terriers. They were sharing one plaid flannel bed by the fireplace. Christina took them to the barn with her for her early morning rides. Their energy wasn’t as limitless when it started getting cold, or in the middle of summer for that matter. Lukas played more physical games with them as he got older too. He was like having a permanent ball-throwing machine for them. He was also impatient about racing, so André leaned over to line up his suggested Ferrari beside his car. He did the three-two-one-go and the race was on. He was on the “inside” of the track and his opponent moved around the outside.

“You can’t catch me!” Lukas bragged, crawling with his English GT racer toward the finish line, which was indicated on his road map mat. The whole final sector of the course was on there. His dad leaned forward on his knees, collected a fistful of his little shirt to inhibit his progress, and “raced” his red Formula 1 car right by. “Daddy! Let go!”

“Nope. This is the only way I can beat you!” André laughed. “I win!” He let go and the child went flying. Luckily Dad had good reflexes and one hand already in the landing zone. He caught him before he could faceplant near the finish line. “This was called cheating and you should never do it.”

“But-“

“Some day you will understand the concept of “Do what I say, not what I do.” Until then, just go with it.”

“But...Daddy, I’m foosed.” Lukas squinted at him, perplexed, and squatted to retrieve his car.

“Get used to it, buddy. I’m always foosed! Your Momma thinks it’s cute though, so I embrace it.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” André bent down to smooch his confused little boy and then asked him which car he should pilot next, and if he wanted to switch out the Aston. Lukas chose the Ferrari, which the player liked because he thought it meant Lukas was really smart- that he recognized that the Ferrari beat his DB9 and was thus faster. Then he worried that Lukas was actually really dumb, because he should have known the Ferrari only won because he cheated. Then he concluded that he was reading way too much into racecar selection. The little Schü assigned him a Hot Wheels Polizei car for their tiebreaker. Christina returned, smelling like peppermint, halfway through the race. She went straight to the oven to check her Turkey, and then to the snack cabinet to see if there was anything good to eat. She plopped on the couch with a handful of raw almonds.

“Who won?” she inquired.

“Mausi is up two races.”

“I meant the football.”

“City.”

“Ugh. Why.”

“So hey. We’re having the whole team over for dinner tomorrow night, but it’s okay because I have a plan,” André explained. He knew she wouldn’t react well, so he smiled and lifted one brow in a way he thought made him looking charming. There were certain expressions that usually made it very hard for her to say no. The face looking back at him quickly morphed into an expression that foreshadowed worse than just a no, and she almost choked on her nuts. “What?” Christina’s reply began with fury and somehow ended with just dejection

“Besides the fact that a dinner party for 29 is not a little thing you throw together 24 hours in advance, we were supposed to go get a Christmas tree. You said we could get the tree and start the rest of the decorating.” She slumped over on the side of the chaise part of the couch and worked her fingers into her wet hair to massage her scalp the way she did when she was stressed. Her pretty cornflower blues were full of disappointment. She dejectedly put another almond in her mouth and chewed in slow motion.

“I’m sorry pretty girl- I forgot.” The Big Schü tilted his head sympathetically. “Can’t we do that on Tuesday? I completely forgot you wanted to start decorating. We haven’t talked about it in a few days.” His self-defense was miscalculated.

“How could you possibly forget? He’s in Christmas PJ’s. I’m using candy cane shampoo. I even got out the Christmas beds for Spence and Lucky! And how am I going to feed everyone? Babe-“ The rider sighed heavily with frustration and tried not to glare. I don’t want him to think I’m mad. I’m not mad. I’m upset. There’s a distinction and he doesn’t always get it and then we get into fights as a result. Deep breaths. “I-“

“I’m going to go to the market in the morning and I’ll get everything we need. You don’t have to do anything.” This is going to require hugs, André concluded about the forlorn situation happening on the couch. Lukas was trying to climb up there already, so he got up, gave him a boost, and then let him crawl into Christina’s lap before he sat next to her. The way she welcomed the little boy and rubbed her chin on him made his dad feel worse. She treated him like a stuffed animal when she was upset. He stole her almonds. “I’ll get steaks and salmon and they can go on the grills with a couple of seasonings. I thought maybe sheet pan vegetables? I can even get the pre-cut ones so we just dump them on the tray. And a green salad. That’s simple, right? We’ll eat outside. And Marco said Zoe will take the boys out to eat.”

“Fine. Whatever you need. I just- I was really looking forward to our plans. I’m not trying to be whiny or have to get my way. I’m just...telling you so that you understand. I was looking forward to an afternoon and evening without anything Borussia Dortmund because the whole subject of Borussia Dortmund makes me want to kill people,” she mumbled, covering Lukas’ ears. “And now Borussia Dortmund is coming over for dinner, so...yeah.” Borussia Dortmund, ruining my life since...I don’t know...the 90’s. They gave me two good years and the rest? Pain. Just pain. But now Borussia Dortmund ruins my life more comprehensively. Before it just my heart hurt when they lost, or when players left. And when Marco was killed, all 6 times. Now I’ve had to move, watch boyfriend get hurt 8 million times, watch him regret his decision to do this, watch him feel like he’s letting everyone down- like he’s letting ME down. But by all means, bring a swarm of Bees into the house. “Is there gonna be a brawl? Are you all going to get into fights?”

“I hope not,” her Bee chuckled. “I’ll make sure they take it outside. And I promise I’ll make it up to you, Prinzessin.” He leaned over to hold her face and smooch her forehead, confident he’d adequately smoothed over the situation. “Tuesday we can go to the tree place, and the Weihnachtsmarkt if that’s not too much Borussia Dortmund for you. It’s a little Borussia Dortmund there.”

“I can’t. I have a Skype interview.”

“Wednesday?”

“Maybe.” Juan plays Wednesday. Chelsea. Football that doesn’t make me homicidal. I don’t want to miss that.

“Okay. We’ll work it out. Is my food plan good?”

“You always do this.”

“What?” She keeps changing. I can’t tell if she’s mad, annoyed, or sad.

“You conceive a dinner party without consulting me, and then you think you can do it all and I won’t be bothered. Newsflash,” Christina snorted. “I always end up bothered. How is it that you never learn? Like, for real. How is there never a point in your plan-making where you go, “Hm, this situation feels familiar...”?”

“No. But I think about whether you’ll be okay with it or not,” André argued in his own defense. “I go through the whole thing and make sure I have a plan so it’s not your problem. I always think of you. It’s not like you’re an afterthought.” He wanted to make that point really clear, as his girl had accused him a lot recently of being inconsiderate or falling out of the habit of taking her into account.

“I hope Lulu Schü doesn’t grow up to be the “but I have a plan!” guy,” she groaned. Her son was trying to get out of her lap to get his sippy cup from the coffee table. André handed it to him so that he’d stay put. Christina lamented many times that no rejection stung like bringing Spencer or Lucky to sit with her and having them get up and leave, until Lukas did it to her. “Also, the Skype interview is with an author doing a book about me and Dirk, by the way. Thanks for asking.”

“I was getting there! I was trying to- Wait. Why?”

“Well technically it’s about the evolution of jumping horses and the current breeding trends. Dirk gets his own chapter and we’re in a lot of parts together.”

“That sounds cool. Do I say congratulations, or? I don’t know the protocol here, Prinzessin.” The footballer leaned over to put his arm around her shoulders and squeeze. He had to draw his knees up too just to close off Lukas’ exit. He could see him eyeing the alternative lap to sit on with his cup of water. Christina wasn’t done petting his head.

“I don’t know either.”

“Your hair smells nice.”

“Stop sucking up for making me cook for 30 people.”

“I’m not. I’m giving you affection because I think you don’t really care that much about having the squad come over and you actually just want me to pay more attention to you and I would have been stuck with you for several hours tomorrow out of the house. I’m guessing you’re even happy to have a chance to do something that might help me feel better about what’s happening with the football club. What do you think?”

“I think your instincts might not be totally off...” the rider told her partner, tentatively, without looking up from the blonde head with the softest hair in the house.

“I’m sorry I’ve been very distracted lately and we haven’t done anything fun together since you got back.” André stretched over to kiss her cheek, which was noticeably hot. He wasn’t sure if that was part of getting out of the shower or if she was upset, or maybe even embarrassed. He said what he did on a hunch, because he thought it would be better to skip to the real problem rather than litigate the many layers of grievance shielding it.

Christina returned from Doha a week before, with a nice trophy for the Grand Prix but none for the Championship. That was okay. She didn’t go to enough shows to even really be in the contest. She relinquished her title with grace, and little bother. What she brought back with her in addition to the trophy was a serious physical hangover. Juan went to the Global Champions Tour Final with her to help keep her thoughts pointed in the right direction- on riding, on enjoying herself, on being open enough to connect with her horses and be able to feel and thus show what made her and them so good. One way he helped her enjoy herself was taking her out every night. They partied with all of her friends at the Kygo club night, had an intimate late night out together at Doha’s first and only jazz club, and celebrated her Grand Prix of Doha win at the official party on Saturday night, which was hours after the magazine launch party. It was all parties. It was all food, and drinks, and staying up late but still waking up early to work out, still making healthy eating choices, and still focusing on her work. Christina had a blast.

She slept on the plane ride home, went to bed when she got home, and slept away half of Monday too. Then André was with the team that night, they flopped big time in the Spurs game and he went right to sleep after, he was sequestered in “we must fix this downward spiral” training and meetings for the entire day on Wednesday, and never really found a way to do anything with his wife on Thursday either because he had to do an appearance for adidas and she had a mom-date with Zoe and the boys. Friday was training and the team hotel. Saturday night was mutual shouting about Borussia Dortmund and then frustrated, solitary video gaming and NBA-watching. The week included no dinner dates, no breakfasts out, no family trips to the public playground, no footballer drop-ins at the barn, and very limited couch time because one or both adults in the house wanted to be alone or go to bed early. The lack of together-activities was mostly not Christina’s doing, and André understood why the Christmas tree mission would matter so much to her just then. He also understood that she wasn’t going to walk into the living room and literally implore him to pay attention to her, the way he sometimes did. That wasn’t her style, and she too understood the circumstances. He truly believed his girl would be happy to host a problem-solving dinner for him and his teammates so that he could feel better and improve the playing picture, once she got past the inconvenience.

“It’s okay,” she mumbled.

“Want me to get the decorations out now? We could start putting them up after the turkey. Isn’t that how the Thanksgiving works anyway? You eat the turkey and then put up the Christmas stuff?”

“Not quite that immediately, usually. People are too stuffed. But maybe...we could start after he goes to bed?” A hopeful little glance his way reassured the German that he definitely wasn’t in trouble anymore.

[junker-town]

Rhode Island could have 3 NFL Draft picks for the first time ever

Photo by Michael Shroyer/Getty Images

URI is no football hotbed, but the class of 2020 will make history.

Rhode Island is not a hotbed for college football. The state has three Division I programs, but all are small-scale FCS operations. Since 2002, the state’s high schools have only produced 11 prospects who’ve signed scholarship offers from current FBS programs; the bulk landed at nearby UMass.

As a result, it’s been 34 years since a University of Rhode Island alum has heard his name called at the NFL Draft. But in 2020, three Rams could get the call.

Aaron Parker, Isaiah Coulter, and Kyle Murphy all played pivotal roles for a URI team that climbed into the FCS top 25 for the first time in more than a decade in 2018. Each earned an invite to the NFL Scouting Combine. URI, a program that had never sent anyone to the event, had more prospects in Indianapolis than schools like Arizona, Louisville, Oklahoma State, Stanford, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, and USC.

The Rams’ renaissance was unexpected and, if 2019’s 2-10 record is an indication, possibly brief. How did it happen ... and what can these three players who helped drag URI up from the bottom of the FCS ranks bring to the NFL?

URI’s top prospect in three decades could be found money in the NFL

Coulter passed up his final year of eligibility to enter this year’s draft. That would be a disaster for most URI players, but Coulter is far from typical. Though his college career got off to a slow start (18 catches as a freshman), he found a way to shine in the Rams’ highest-profile games the following two years. In three games against FBS competition — UConn, Ohio, and Virginia Tech — he racked up 21 catches for 361 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

That includes a 47-yard cornerback-dusting and subsequent adjustment against the Huskies. Coulter singled out this play as the best example of his abilities when we sat down at this year’s combine.

“I had a comeback and go,” Coulter told me. “Broke it down at 12 (yards downfield), then came back up with it.” That play covered nearly half the field — and it would have been a walk-in touchdown if his quarterback could have hit him in stride. Instead, the speedy wideout had to make an adjustment to keep URI alive in what became a shootout 56-49 loss.

His 72-catch, 1,039-yard, eight-touchdown campaign in 2019 helped convince scouts Coulter was Rhody’s top draft prospect. It also made him just the seventh player in URI history to post 1,000+ receiving yards in a season. He wouldn’t have had a chance to ink his name in that record book without the sixth man on that list: his cousin Parker. Visits to Kingston to watch a wideout who was like a brother helped convince Coulter the Rams were the right team for him.

While the younger receiver was proving himself as a prospect, Parker built his name as one of the best players in program history.

Parker was one of the top wide receivers in FCS

The Maryland high school star was a two-star recruit — the only other school to show sustained interest in him was Eastern Michigan, with whom he originally signed — who came to URI as a linebacker. Instead of bulking up when he got to campus, head coach Jim Fleming saw his potential as a playmaker. Parker led the Rams in receiving yards and touchdown catches as a true freshman.

Though Coulter, with his 6’2 frame and 4.45-second 40 time, may be the first Ram off the board thanks to his potential, Parker had the bigger impact in Kingston. His stature grew as he adapted to the high level of FCS play in the Colonial Athletic Association. He improved his reception and receiving yard numbers every year in the Rams’ offense. The arrival of his cousin as an NFL prospect helped free him from constant double coverage and helped him put together one of the FCS’ top individual senior seasons: 81 catches, 1,224 yards, and nine touchdowns in 2019.

His versatility shined through at Rhode Island, where he was big and fast enough to line up all over Fleming’s offense. Like Coulter, he broke through against FBS opponents: 21 catches, 336 yards, and a pair of touchdowns in those aforementioned games against Ohio, UConn, and Virginia Tech. Here he is in Athens, parting double coverage masterfully to adjust to a deep ball and set up a Rams field goal:

When it comes to the NFL, he sees himself as a hit-absorbing presence who can roast defensive backs from the a spot closer to the hashmarks.

“I would prefer slot,” Parker told me at the combine. “I like being in space with the linebackers and nickelbacks, going up against them, catching the ball — you know, I’m fearless across the middle. I got the linebacker background coming out of high school, so, you know, I don’t really mind the hits.”

Murphy helped make all this happen

Rhode Island benefited from two wideouts who could chase down deep balls, but the keystone to one of the best passing offenses in school history might have been Murphy. The versatile lineman — he started games at every position on the line except right guard — built his name as a two-time first-team All-CAA left tackle.

While he was a factor in the run game throughout his career, his biggest achievements came while clearing room for two very different passers behind him. The mobile JaJuan Lawson and the pocket-oriented Vito Priore created unique challenges to the URI front line, but Murphy wasn’t fazed.

“I have great chemistry with both of them,” Murphy explained in Indianapolis. “Trust is everything. I just trusted both of them and we just adapted to whatever situation we were in. I feel like my versatility is the biggest thing a lot of teams liked.”

As good as URI’s 2018 was, Murphy’s proudest accomplishment was propping up a passing offense that ranked 13th in FCS in passing yards per game in 2019. The Rams gave up just 26 sacks despite dialing up 531 passing plays: a rate of just 4.9 percent. That came despite a lineup filled with mostly anonymous, zero-star recruits and a limited rushing attack that effectively dared opponents to bring pressure.

“After my junior year, I gained a lot of experience,” Murphy noted when asked when he realized his talent could translate to an NFL career. “I became a leader on and off the field. My junior year, I really shined then. Everything just picked up from there.

“It doesn’t matter whether I get drafted, whether I’m a free agent. I just want to show my talents, show my versatility — show that I just belong.”

That could be at tackle or as a 6’3, 320-pound interior blocker. His NFL career may boil down to one team’s vision of where he’ll fit. If his URI experience is any indication, he’ll blossom no matter what position he takes.

Where could these three URI standouts be drafted?

It’s tough to glean much insight to this year’s pre-draft process thanks to the isolation required by the Covid-19 pandemic. Any gains the Rhode Island trio could have made in private workouts and interviews after the combine have been nullified by the fact everyone’s staying home through April.

That doesn’t mean they’ll be forgotten. Coulter made a major impression on longtime NFL scout Gil Brandt, who labeled him one of his three favorite prospects in a discussion with NBC’s Peter King. Parker didn’t test as well as his younger cousin, but his big, ever-improving production for the Rams could be enough to overcome those concerns.

The larger issue is they both play a position that’s loaded with talent in the 2020 NFL Draft. This spring could see 10-15 wideouts selected in the first two days of the draft, leaving high-ceiling projects like the Rhode Island duo to languish to Day 3 (or possibly later).

Murphy might have an even tougher path to the pros. Like Coulter and Parker, he’s part of a stacked class at his position; if teams are looking for small-school projects in Days 2 or 3, players like St. John’s Ben Bartch or South Carolina State’s Alex Taylor will likely jump him in line. It doesn’t help that he failed to stand out at the combine, finishing among the bottom 10 offensive linemen in multiple drills, including both the 40 and the bench press.

Still, Murphy’s a leader who broke through at an often overlooked program. Though his straight-line speed may be lacking, strong performances in the three-cone and 20-yard shuttle drills in Indianapolis prove he’s quicker than most 320-pounders out there. Writing him off, like he’d been as an unranked recruit, would be foolish now.

The trio leaves a legacy that will boost Rhode Island football even after their departure

The Rams’ escape from the CAA basement lasted just one season. URI went from four conference wins in 2018 to zero a year later, despite three potential draftees on the roster. Even so, the program’s departing stars are confident they’re leaving their former home in better shape than when they found it.

“We’re definitely getting more excitement and recruiting, especially since we’ve had three combine invites,” said Parker.

“It’s great to really put the university back on the map. It’s been overlooked for a while. Even though we haven’t had the record, we always had the talent. Creating a new culture there was a great experience.”

According to Coulter, 2018’s on-field gains helped push for new turf and lights that allowed night games in Kingston for the first time in modern program history. It’s an impact that isn’t lost on the potential Day 2 pick.

“We definitely changed things around a little bit. Getting people talking about [URI football].

“Knowing what they recruited me for — they wanted me to make plays. Knowing that I delivered, it feels good knowing I made a little mark there. Hopefully it keeps going, they keep getting good guys that can take them even higher.”