#way worse things happened to me than did
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sorry sorry last time I'm talking about huskerdust tonight but does it fuck anyone else up knowing that Husk and Angel basically lived at the same time but were on opposite sides of the country. But also Husk went traveling. Like these two could have met while they were alive and wouldn't even know it. They didn't even know the other existed until they met at the hotel
Like I have. so many thoughts about this.
#hazbin hotel#Husk#Angel Dust#gods imagine how different things would have turned out for both of them if they'd met while alive#well I say that but they were deeper in their vices then than they are now so...... maybe they'd have made each other worse#or maybe they could have saved each other who knows#also just thinking about the idea of Husk and Angel meeting at a bar in New York back when they were alive#like not even knowing it was each other but having met and spent a night drinking in a bar together talking#maybe Angel was going around flirting for free drinks and Husk was waiting to board a ship to who knows where#and they're both neck deep in their own vices but Husk tries to give Angel some advice anyway (we dk if Husk's morals developed in Hell#when he lost his status or are remnants of his human life but I like to imagine he was a decent man who made a string of bad choices#we also don't know what kind of Overlord he was. for all we know the worst thing he did was bet souls so we dunno if he was cruel/immoral)#but Angel not heeding his advice bc who's gonna listen to an alcoholic amirite but he was fun to talk to and bought him drinks so#and them parting ways without even so much as learning the other's name. and all this happening just days before Angel dies#Husk doesn't even think about him again cuz he was just some dude at a bar and barely remembering bc it was ~20 years before he died#but Angel vividly remembering it bc it was one of the last memorable days leading up to his death#anyway thanks for listening to me ramble orz
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Everyone during neverafter 15: oh my god these social interactions are going horribly they’re all doing so bad!
Me, neurodivergent and cannot read social cues: idk mostly these seem fine
#like… Pinocchio overshared for sure#but I didn’t think the rest of them were too bad? like they rolled poorly yes but the actual conversations went fine? I thought?#i at least didn’t think they were as bad as everyone else seems to think#like… with ylfa. when you are a young girl and you meet an older woman who is Like You and successful you are drawn to that#her questions didn’t seem invalid if a bit personal#like ‘how did this happen to u? how do u find the answers and the strength to be successful when your like this the way we are now?’#that was fair to ask! there was a moment before that where they even clocked eachother as beasts! and then ylfa asked about Pib#which seemed fine to me. like she was genuinely asking advice and she got shutdown with like a one word answer#I feel like la bête did worse in that interaction than ylfa did#none of the stuff with gerard was really his fault within that interaction. Brennan surprised Murph with the read the cards outloud thing#he handled it the best he could under the circumstances#Pib did great. Pinocchio overshared but his intentions and actual words were sweet! traumabonding!#Rosamund did great! she was kind and she said what she wanted like yeah! not too bad!#i don’t think Ally intended to actually put dirt in the cookies Brennan kind of pushed that and I don’t think a lot of what he said was bad#I think ally could’ve handled it better in the sense that they could’ve just told the truth and been vague abt the questions being abt#the book but the stuff about being so overly nice and a bit unnerving seemed like an accurate and not very offensive way of putting it#even before they knew about the nihilistic princess cabal stuff they thought rapunzel was creepy#cienna talks#neverafter
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i literally have a graduate degree in information & am a professional librarian & yet when i went to find something i was looking at earlier today instead of doing anything reasonable i somehow ended up searching the fanfiction website for a story with a link to the thing which linked to the thing. maybe they should fire me
#i did find it in less than 5 minutes though so it could have been worse. this is what happens when you look at things in a private tab#& have the memory of a particularly distractible goldfish. i may as well be a mayfly. except about dust disease i remember that stuff OK#i am continually fascinated & charmed by the various ways that it occurs to people to find information. that's very librarianly of me#irredeemable whining
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know that if i ship a character with one incarnation of the doctor, it automatically extends to all of them. i can’t be held back.
#this is why war/river rotstes in my brain constantly#its like. this is the part of himself he drove out of his mind. out of his history. locked down so tight because he couldn’t look at it.#and so much of river is. so much of her she cannot look directly at. she can only use it. she was trained as a child assassin? then she’ll#use that to get herself out of any situation. because she couldn’t. once upon a time. she couldn’t. but she can now.#but that gravity well of the inescapable past that hurt you worse than anything ever could. they could find something there.#common ground. perhaps. and the war doctor is rough but he is not unkind.#he did not close his eyes and think of the children that would be lost and make the choice with a cold heart.#he could not save them on his own. and river could not be saved. but they must go on. they must.#and in the same way that river knows the doctor’s name. the fact that she carries a picture of this face alongside the others. that she#knows this part of him exists is important to me.#also she should get to kiss that old man#but mostly its about the shared understanding of how they were shaped into the person they are. the thing that would make someone look at#their past and decide they have to be Other than a person. an oncoming storm. or a psychopath. because how can you be just a person and live#with what happened to you. better to give yourself a word for others to view you as. rather than let them see something you didn’t plan for.#there’s much to dig into here i swear im not insane
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inch resting how i am such a nice, normal person up until the point where i get triggered by irl things that feel too much like being on tumblr, and then i lose my cool...
like (now, after a ton of therapy) im totally cool agreeing to disagree, or understanding that someone might have a different worldview but the same underlying beliefs as me, or understanding that the reaction they have to something might be different than mine but not fundamentally incompatible, and understanding that we are closer in our differing beliefs than either of us are to OTHER beliefs even when we disagree on the exact specifics of lefty progressive ideas... but then it gets to the gaslighting 'actually, the society has always been the way we're trying to change it to be, and this all makes perfect obvious sense as objective TRUTH, and you're the weird one if you think it's new or need an explanation because nothing has changed even though it OBVIOUSLY has' or 'actually these people believe [opposite of what they believe] and [deliberate misreading of what they believe]' and i black out 🙃
its a problem. it's an actual panic response or smth and i can't control myself very well when it happens. and also i don't like feeling compelled to censor my observations about the world around me, and i don't like watching others be asked to either. why can't people just acknowledge that they're asking for something new, and then defend it to people who find it confusing? If you can't defend something without lying and/or using emotional manipulation to get people to stop asking, then maybe you need to think it through more??? or at least accept that it's not THE objective truth?
i regularly find myself begging my therapist to tell me if what im saying is a 'normal people' belief or not because my perspective is so, SO skewed from being terminally On Tumblr for 12 years. i used to believe crazy shit, even when i didn't believe it anymore. imagine my shock when i learned that many of the absolute no-nos on this webbed site do not even register as anything to average progressive joe. that many of the strict, important social rules on here are seen as crazy as fuck by people who vote progressive, hold progressive values, but aren't in these no-nuance no-debate no-disagreement echo chambers? god it's confusing.
the world is so much more complicated than anyone wants to admit, it seems...
#i got mental health acted once and the psychiatrist they made me talk to asked where online i spent a lot of time and i said tumblr#and i shit you not she said 'yikes. thats not good.'#like i think the whole internet has been discourse-ified but my god did being on tumblr fuck me up. i know i say that over and over but#ive been actively trying to heal from it for YEARS now and im still struggling!!! and still so easily triggered about it!!! im never free.#i think there just IS an inherent element of compelled belief or requirement to rewrite history to be more convenient in certain circles...#and it doesn't sit well with me in general but the cognitive dissonance i lived with for so long makes it much much worse#because now i'm mentally free but very aware of how much i am being forced to not just be polite (which i'm more than happy to do)#but to actually agree that its true when i have my own beliefs and perspective on the world#and to pretend i don't see things that are happening right in front of my eyes. to pretend nothing has changed. to define MYSELF that way.
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"#BUT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THE STUFF HE DID." As if Maul didn't deserve everything that happened? After what he did to Obi-Wan?
ah, yes. i forgot that killing one person means he deserved the 19 years of torture before the incident and the 11-12 years trapped on lotho minor after the incident. that he deserved to be cut in half and then to live underground, crazed and not remembering anything but his own anger. like, do i think obi-wan cut him in a way that he would feel agony before he died?? yeah. he had touched the dark side and he wanted this guy to hurt the way he was hurting. but do i think obi-wan, for even a second, would think anyone deserved the life maul had on lotho minor?? no. i think he'd be sick knowing he caused that. and even sicker knowing that maul wasn't kept alive because he was selfishly clinging to life, but rather, he was kept alive unwillingly by his fury. not to mention that obi-wan is the only person to ever even try to appeal to maul. the only one to even acknowledge that he knows he didn't choose the dark side. if obi-wan doesn't think he deserved it then why do you??
#⸢ general ⤑ ooc ⸥ deploy the clown nose.#do not take obi-wan's name and try to use it against me.#i love anakin so much.#but why is it that he can do everything maul does and worse. and people still want him redeemed.#but then the same people point at maul killing qui-gon (they never bring up his other crimes) and say he's irredeemable??#that he deserves what he got and everything that happened??#if anything. he's not irredeemable bc of what he did. he's irredeemable bc he refuses to let himself be good.#BECAUSE HE DOESN'T THINK IT'S AN OPTION. AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE.#either way he didn't deserve to be tortured for more of his life than he wasn't just bc he hurt obi-wan.#19 of those years happened BEFORE he even did the thing you're pissed about????
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Me: not diagnosed with ADHD until 23, knows what it's like to go with no meds and fuck up everything she touches
Also me: please dear god can the woman who's on on weekends get diagnosed and get on meds already so she can stop fucking up everything she touches
#I leave a note telling her how to do a thing#she writes back in a way that makes it abundantly clear that her reading comprehension is worse than mine#I told her that she needed to make sure she gave the patient the right appointment information#and she wrote back telling me she explained to him that he needed to get scanned urgently#no you're not missing any information that's exactly what happened#every Monday we come in to find the place on fire and spend the whole week cleaning it up only to repeat the cycle the next Monday#I know I should be more understanding and sympathetic but it's SO BAD#like it's so bad that every Sunday she texts my barely-graduated colleague and tells him to fix her scans for her#I thought this would stop when I told her that the info she needed to fix the scans was taped to the wall next to the CT room#I wrote it down for her.#she dropped in and I gave it to her in person and I was sitting right there when she read it#it did not stop.#is this what I was like pre meds????#Dusty vents
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someone needs to bail me out of class for the next too days and lock me in solitary so i can finally have some alone time and properly cry
#mmmmmmm my roommate has many habits that drive me insane#and im too scared to tell her off despite knowing holding it in will absolutely make me feel worse and worse#also i spilt ramen sauce all over my shit and on a white shirt i love so#one more thing to add to the cry abt list#also weird rant now#my moms given me such a bad fucking relationship with money food and gifts#and suddenly shes been so nice to me now that if feels suspicious#which is a really bad fucking thing to feel about your own mom#she got me cupcakes???? theyre being sent/for pickup via my college dining program which i didnt even know you could do#but idk why she did it in the first place nor why she didnt do it for my birthday if she did it at all?#anyways times like this makes me wish i was way more emotionally avaliable and less emotionally constipated#but i vent enough abt shit already that i feel like im whining and complaining more than anything so#a genuine hug from one of my friends or smth that doesnt immediantly give me the ick#bc i genuinely hate that it can happen to me for literally any of my friends#anyways a genuine hug would make me break down crying immediantly#this has been my rant of the day and my horror upon realizing i think one of my irl college friends actually follow me#hi if youre reading this#no you didnt
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among the 292738 other reasons cube needs to go to hell and burn is for making pentagon work their asses off september/october/november 2022 for a comeback that the company possibly never was going to be able to afford to pay for and cancel/postpone anyway
#I’m sorry but a severe lack of funds is the only way to explain the 6 month break between any music releases at the company#and even before nxde there was a weird break between boom and it#with no real korean promotions#t says#SHINWON SAYS NOT DOING ANYTHING MUSIC RELATED ISTHE WAY HE CAN BREATHE PEACEFULLY AND ITS BECAUSE YOU CANT MANAGE YOUR FINANCES CUBE!!!!!!!#🔪🔪🔪#when it first happened I thought pose was a weird setup for kino to get rid of ptg#but then they did the exact same thing to chаngsub#combine that with the 6 month break now#cutting jián and huîyeon and keeping yenan in China so they don’t have to pay for him#are probably also ways to save money#but yeah they really drove and pushed ptg to finish the creative parts and probably the recording too#also don’t get me wrong they were definitely…pushed…or encouraged…br*bed by mn*t#but there’s even more to it#maybe they wouldn’t have canceled it just done the ptg comeback with less than minimal promotions even worse than feelin like#actually I think that’s would’ve happened without mnet interference#much preferable to whatever’s going on now#the house was pretty empty back then they would’ve probably won Music bank again and cube would be stuck with the dilemma of how to get rid#of them once again#not reading two music bank wins as a group with a solid fanbase
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Fellow TOTK SSO players give me your support please. I am in the Depths below the castle. I am so scared. Tell me youve been there and its gonna be juuuust fine and I wont die even once
#It's not gonna be fine I know exactly what I'm getting myself into#Or to be fair not exactly but I'm pretty sure it's going to be worse than I'm expecting...... which only makes it scarier#I'm almost down to That Room in the intro cutscene#I feel like I know what's going to happen there. And I am. SO scared#I'm like in no way ready for this btw my armour is NOT fully upgraded I only have 20 hearts etc etc etc#I did successfully (kind of) fight a Lynel on the way down#That was a surprise to me because that is a thing I have not done since BOTW which I haven't played in... two months-ish?#z talks#not horse game#btw I have logged over 85 hours on this game. according to my switch#which is one hell of a feat considering it came out last friday#not necessarily proud#but such is life and obsession
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[me, trying to make a wildly specific character playlist] god does no one write any songs about what it feels like to be that one fucking horrible person with repeatedly demonstrated traitorous tendencies who nonetheless deep down secretly really wants to be the kind of man who stays loyal to the protagonist’s noble cause these days?
#you know. that one guy. universal experiences#anyway. i’ve been thinking about ****** ** **** again 😔#extremely extremely shitty person who had multiple chances to do better and never did and yet. if he had had just ONE MORE.#the ONE MORE that he almost got to have.#maybe it would have been different that time. maybe he really would’ve finally been the person the protagonist thought he was going to be.#guess we’ll never know for sure.#most tragic character in the entire series tbh#have been rereading the books recently to try to remember what the fuck happened so i can read the recently-published newest installment#on the whole i feel Differently (Worse) about them than i did when i first read them back in high school but they remain a tremendous amount#of fun in some ways and there are some things about them that really do still compel me#caseyposting
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I’m not sure why I’m still seeing people try to “re-write” Sakura to make a statement that she should’ve killed Sasuke. I’m not sure what part of teen Sasuke rejecting Sakura was so wrong because he wasn’t mentally in the right headspace to date someone.
Sasuke knew that it was not the right time and place for such a thing, and rejected it, because understandably, it would still get in his way. Would you rather have a girlfriend play mother and therapist to another person, or would you rather have someone just not burdened another person who is unqualified in dealing with their trauma?
As far as I’m aware, the worst thing Sasuke had done to her was just, knock her out to make sure she doesn’t follow him, or flat out reject her when she confessed in a literal warzone, and the several other instances because he was neck-deep in depression.
I’m not sure why that deserves death.
#i mean didnt sakura did the exact thing with naruto aside from her terrible remarks (granted she was a kid and kids are insensitive asf)#which later converted to the 'funny anime girl hitting a guy' troupe#but she's not villainized for that yet sasuke is#i've grown to 'like' sakura but not by a lot since sasusaku seems forced to me but im not actively against the ship anymore#its just that sasuke does not deserved to be villainized by people when he's going through a mental breakdown and the only people who are#properly helping him are also considered as 'bad influence' even thou#gh sasuke actually felt safe enough to vent out his grief for the first time when everyone back in konoha didnt want to deal with the fact#that what happened with him was something that destroyed him and took him years to heal out of#me remembers how kakashi went with the 'your trauma is not worse than my trauma' way to shut sasuke up after which sasuke's very sane#reaction was to get out of konoha because fuck that place#sorry this turned into a rant#sasuke#sakura#sasusaku#.txt
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#delete later#the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it#anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack#i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that#has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects#try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns#i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like#thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me#to get panic level overwhelmed#its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does#microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety#autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and#overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though#also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are#unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with#which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain#way more than like bugs or folk tales.#one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse#in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway#i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse#this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me
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gotta be honest it’s 8am and i haven’t slept and maybe i’m overreacting but i am so tired of having to get upset over this blog because i really do adore this blog
like i understand my posts are all silly and ooc and just for funsies without any deep meaning but it still feels really fucking bad when people steal them almost word for word without any sort of credit. like the LEAST you could do is repurpose them for a different show or set of characters! i usually can handle that even when it’s not sourced but literally just presenting my posts almost exactly as i posted them with the same fandom and characters just really makes me feel like shit. i understand it’s the internet and it happens and i don’t want to start any drama or directly call anyone out but seriously this blog is legitimately one of the very few things in my life that i don’t have to worry about making me unhappy
—but now it just is making me unhappy because, as much as it pains me to admit (sarcasm), i DO put a lot of thought and effort into my posts. there’s a reason i don’t post very often - half because honestly i’m busy and don’t get to be online 24/7 and ALSO because even though my posts are short i still take time to come up with them, format them, and adjust the wording which somehow makes it feel EXTRA shitty when you copy my post and then “fix” the wording to be better. like i KNOW a lot of my posts are silly and don’t get that many notes but i’m not putting effort in for clout or whatever i’m doing it because i genuinely enjoy it and love doing it so watching other people literally post my stuff for the exact opposite purpose feels really gross and just makes me want to go back and delete everything.
idk i might just be tired and overreacting this just isn’t even the first time i’ve seen this happen and this one was especially blatant about it being their ~original idea~ that it just kind of hurt WAY more than it should and i just feel awful now im sorry if you had to read all this i am just Tired.
#rant#not anime#i dont know#i feel like im overreacting#i just cannot stress enough that this blog is one of my only relaxing places that legitimately makes me happy#so idk it’s just making me feel WAY worse than it probably should#and i REALLY need to sleep#im upset right now so i might change my mind about it but i might not post any original things for a bit#i dont know im sorry if this seems really extra#there’s just already so much going on and this just broke the camels back ig#and it just sucks EXTRA because every time it happens i get anxious people won’t check time stamps and will get mad at ME for copying instea#ughhhhh#i always get half tempted to delete my original posts when it happens just in case which just makes me feel worse#im sorry you had to read all this if you did i am just really sad about the situation
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... I said I wanted this blog to be positive. but how's that gonna happen when I'm depressed as hell
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !!#tw alcohol mention#I was inebriated for most of the day yesterday so I didn't feel it as much#(and just to be clear，I'm not an alcoholic. at least not right now. I won't deny the possibility of becoming one down the line though)#(I only drank as much as I did because I was way too stuck in my own head to do my work and desperately needed to turn my mind off)#(and it worked so sue me if you want but at least there were results)#now that the numbness is wearing off though...#I'll be honest. I binged the rest of the oshi no ko anime today. and it probably made things worse#I guess I should tag this now huh#oshi no ko spoilers#akane's sui attempt took me to a very dark place. dark but all too familiar.#welp. more tw tags for the blog I guess. fuck me for wanting this place to be positive.#tw sui attempt#tw sui ideation#I used to hang out on the roof all the time in high school. Jumping off the six storey building crossed my mind more times than I can count#or walking into traffic#or drowning myself in my bathroom#the one time I did get hit by a vehicle was completely unintentional. but I hate myself for hyperventilating out of fear when that happened.#/sigh/ this is a terrible post. not that I ever make anything good.
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College nai jaana
#I'll have to talk with the CEO and COO over the shit that happened on Saturday and how we have one psychotic bitch on the lab#she gave a girl panic attack last time and tryinh to do that with me like hah bitch(dero) I've seen worse and my self control is way more#than u think#it was her trying to scream and me jusr raising my voice and sayinb chup ho jaa#but she did prolly fuck up the laf by not turning it off for like 30 mins#I'm about to call a round table meeting with the heads but there's no table and we're sitting on the floor having lunch while solving things#😭😭😭 rip aaj ka lunch
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