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#we just both deserve to feel fulfilled and i dont currently feel that way its not rly her fault i think we were just meant 2 be friends
oatbugs · 4 months
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it's just not going to work it feels bad but it has to happen but breakups that happen when nothing in particular has gone wrong and it's just an issue of like...paths in life/compatibility etc etc, where otherwise you actually rly do love the person, are so hard !! like i care for u i still want to be ur friend it just wont work in a romantic way !!
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oligbia · 3 years
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Guardian Angel
Izuku Midoriya X Guardian angel reader
Edit 7/22/21: This was previously for an event with a user I no longer would like to be associated with. I will be keeping this up because it is my work and I own it, but I am no longer associating myself with that event host
spoiler warnings: Recent manga spoilers starting from around volume 26-present events, essentially the war arc and current events.
massive trigger warnings: Death, Intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are struggling with these, please seek help. Your life is valuable and precious, and there are so many amazing things worth seeing in this world, I promise.
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Life is very short. So short, in fact, that we rarely appreciate it while we have it. We get over 70 years of life, if we're lucky, and most of it isn't appreciated.
Izuku Midoriya knows better than anyone else in this world how precious a life is. He knows how important it is to make every moment count, to soak up every drop of emotion life has to offer. He only knows this in hindsight, of course. Because he had only 2 years with you before you died. And he didn't appreciate those 730 and some days enough.
You died because of him in some twisted away. There isn't a day he doesn't think about that. It plagues his mind in a twisted series of ideas. There was no real way he could have saved you, but he could have tried. If he could have traded your life for his, he would have in a heartbeat. You were all that was good in this world, all Midoriya did was cause problems.
If he was still at UA, he would do his morning jog to your grave to pay respects and eat breakfast with you like he used to. It was comforting, to think your spirit would be eating with him. He just missed you, really.
He just really missed you.
Of course, now nothing is normal. He isn't at UA. You would have chewed him out for dropping out. But, it was his fault you died so none of that mattered. It was his fault you and all of the class were in danger. Loosing you was the last straw. Loosing you was the thing that made Izuku Midoriya, the supposed "next number 1" become a run away hero. A vigilante. The kind of person society spits on. The kind of person you and him were supposed to protect everyone from. But, if he couldn't protect you, how could he protect anyone. He wasn't a hero, he was never supposed to be a hero anyways. He didn't deserve this fucking quirk anyways, not if he couldn't use it to save you.
He thought, maybe, just maybe, there was a way to fix it. Because, it was his fault you were dead, and you died because of the war started by All For One, and he is the one All For One is after in the end, so if he could kill All For One then he could fix it, and you could die in peace, and then all is well, he wouldn't be some stupid waste of a quirk.
But here he was, laying half dead in a street. He couldn't do it. He couldn't take down All For One. His eyes flickered shut, his body slipping in and out of consciousness. Parts of his life played over in his mind. He remembered the first time he saw All Might, playing with Kachan, when he received One for All, when he met you. God, that was comforting. There were so many good memories with you. The night you kissed him, the time you wore matching pajamas with him and his mom to watch an All Might documentary, the time you both fell asleep together in his dorm- the time he held your bleeding body as you took your final breaths, the time Iida had you pull him off your body because there was no time to grieve. There had never been time to grieve. He never would move on. Midoriya would always be stuck in denial. He would die here, never fulfilling his goal, never finding peace with your death.
And then it was white. He felt alive though, like he was in a white room. He looked around, wiggling his fingers in front of his eyes. He must have died, because this wasn't where he just was.
"You didn't die, 'zuku."
His head jolted up, knowing your voice anywhere. There you were in front of him, dressed beautifully in white.
"You just are stuck right now. But you didn't die."
"Its really you?" Midoriya scrambled to his feet, trying to run to you, but he couldn't move.
"I'm me, but I'm not real. I'm sorry."
"I miss you." tears brimmed in Midoriya's eyes. He always wondered what it would be like to see you again, what he would say. He had a whole monologue in his imagination, but in the moment he was speechless.
You smiled that same soft smile, the one that radiated more warmth than the sun could ever dream. "I miss you too, Izuku. We'll be together someday."
"Now. I want to be together now. Y/N, I can't stand living without you. I-I dont know what I'm doing anymore!"
You held his face in your hand. Your hands made his face feel warm, but you felt like nothing more than a warm breeze. "It's not your time yet. You'll find a reason to keep going without me."
Tears poured from his eyes, wetting his cheeks. "No, no, I want to die. I can't live anymore. There's no point in it. You aren't there and I'm never going to be a hero-"
"Shh, hush with all that." You brushed tears from his face. "You can't die, 'Zuku. I won't let you."
You leaned in closer to him, whispering into his ear. "I'm your guardian angel Izuku. I'm always with you, okay?"
Midoriya gasped for air, looking for the right words but falling short. You were his angel, his precious and beautiful angel.
"Keep on living, keep on saving people, okay?" You pulled back, looking into his eyes. He smiled, brushing past the last of his tears.
He nodded, "I promise."
The white walls around him started to fade, turning darker. Your glow started to dim. Midoriya grabbed at you hand in some attempt to pull you back, even if he knew it wasn't possible.
He called out your name one last time before it was black again, and he was back in a life without you. But now, he had a reason to keep going.
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mbti-notes · 3 years
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Im ISTP dude and I like this INFJ girl. Shes my friend but I like her more than that. I told her already and asked her out. She didn't reject me but thing is her answer is vague as hell. First she asked why I like her and I told her honestly that shes pretty and smart but she didnt react more than a nod. Then when I ask if she wanna be my girlfriend she said 'okay but can it be a trial period first'. I assumed its a yes so we started going out but its very weird. (1)
[con’t: It gets even more difficult to understand her and shes start asking me questions about my perspective on love and start warning me about her loving differently than other people and I might not like it and stuff like that. She also seems to be assessing me somehow? I dont know. Like shes trying to judge something about me. I dont think shes playing me or anything cause we always do things fair. She insists we split the bills on everything when we go out and she never demand anything so thats cool. We also spend time together like before. Its just very weird cause she seems more guarded around me and more jumpy and colder than usual even though shes still nice to me and all. Is this normal for INFJs? Maybe she doesnt actually like me? But then why did she agree? I mean we have same interests and we seem to have fun together so I dont understand whats wrong. Should I continue this or just go back to being friends? I like her a lot but I dont wanna waste time on relationship that goes nowhere.]
Note that you can’t improve the quality of a relationship until both people are equally committed to the task. Relationships flourish through skillful communication:
1) Self-Awareness: Be fully aware of your needs, wants, and criteria for relationships. Take full responsibility for your end, so that you do everything in your power to promote relationship success, and then the rest is up to her. It’s important that you are able to communicate clearly and honestly about what’s happening with you, including what you think is going wrong for you and why. If you can’t even make your needs and problems known to your partner, then you’ll never really know each other well enough to get any needs met.
You have not succeeded in this step because you’re putting the whole situation onto her shoulders, as though you have no say in the matter. Whether you stay or leave is your decision to make, based on your evaluation of the relationship and whether it’s what you really want. If a relationship makes you unhappy/dissatisfied, why stay? You’re the one feeling the problem, which means that it’s up to you to instigate a process of resolution. 
People usually stick it out through the down times in a relationship because they have a hopeful vision of what the relationship could become. You have a hopeful vision because you’re talking about how the current situation isn’t meeting your expectations. But what are your expectations? You say that you have fun together, why isn’t that enough? What’s missing for you exactly? Without enough awareness of yourself and being able to verbalize the problem that you’re experiencing, it’s hard to find a solution.
2) Intimacy: A relationship grows deeper over time through honest, attentive, and respectful communication. Talk about what you like, dislike, desire, hope for, etc, with each other, often. Gradually, you both become a better partner as you learn how to adjust your behavior to better suit the other’s needs. The process of becoming more intimately acquainted requires time and energy to learn new things and apply the ideas successfully. You have to be patient and put in the effort to have difficult conversations whenever necessary to grow your knowledge and understanding of each other.
You have not succeeded in this step because you’re making assumptions rather than communicating. You’re merely guessing that she’s trying to do this or that, and you end up whipping yourself into paranoia. “Assuming”, aka trying to be a mindreader, is very destructive to relationships because it causes misunderstanding. Relationships require trust, so take people at their word, and when you can’t, talk about why you can’t and solve the problem through communication. Don’t stew in negative feelings and allow them to turn into ugly conspiracy theories.
By saying that she wants a trial period, she’s basically telling you that she’s interested but not ready for a full commitment. If you’re not happy with her position, then you have a choice to make: Either respect that her pace is slower than yours and be patient, or decide that you want something faster/different and leave for greener pastures. She’s already been honest and upfront with you, the ball is now in your court about whether you accept the terms she’s proposed. If you accept, then FULLY accept.
By asking plenty of questions about your perspective, she is making an effort to get to know you better, specifically, to understand why you want to be in the relationship and whether you two are ultimately compatible. You hardly know each other at the start of a relationship, so she is indeed trying to size you up, such that she can make a well-informed decision once the trial period ends. If you don’t like people getting to know you in depth, then you’re never going to get far in any relationship. She obviously is the kind of person that needs to prepare and study situations carefully before diving in. If you don’t like that, then you are free to choose someone who doesn’t require as much preparation and observation time (this is a common J vs P difference).
3) Collaboration: Whenever either party feels unhappy or dissatisfied with something in the relationship, it is their responsibility to bring it up with the partner. When your partner brings a problem to you, it is your responsibility to listen carefully to what it is they need from you. Only then can you resolve problems maturely, together. If it is determined that your partner is capable of better meeting your needs, then make a reasonable request of them to do so. Talk openly about what should be changed in the relationship to make it more fulfilling for both parties, and implement a plan to make those changes. Keep tabs on progress made over time.
You have not succeeded in this step because you’re not being upfront about your negative experience of the relationship and what more you need from it. This means that you’re not giving her the opportunity to collaborate with you. If you don’t talk about how you feel, she’ll never know, and the change that you want won’t happen.
By talking about the way that she “loves differently”, she’s communicating something about her needs and expectations. She’s giving you an opportunity to know her better, such that you can collaborate with her to fulfill her needs. If she’s inexperienced, she may not yet know every little thing that she’s looking for in a relationship. But the most important thing is that she’s trying to communicate about it, which means it’s up to you to listen and respond appropriately. If you have no interest in getting to know her and what kind of partner she’s looking for, then there’s no reciprocity in the relationship. Are you only in it for yourself?
By asking you why you like her, she may be signalling some self-esteem issues (”I don’t know if I can do this”) and/or self-worth issues (”Maybe I don’t deserve this attention/love”). Healthy Fs are sensitive people, which means that they feel things very deeply. The deeper they feel, the more deeply they will be hurt, if things don’t work out. Therefore, it is likely that she is hesitant to dive in because she’s trying to stay in control and protect herself from getting hurt (this is typical of FJs). Forcing someone to leave their comfort zone before they are ready to is a recipe for drama and conflict. The most you can do is encourage her to open up, by providing an emotionally supportive, cooperative, and non-judgmental atmosphere to express how she really feels. Without a positive social atmosphere, FJs won’t open up. She’s moving at a pace that’s comfortable for her, which includes pulling back whenever she feels uncomfortable. Be sure to clarify whether it’s her own issue or whether you’re doing something to make her uncomfortable - don’t just assume. If you don’t like her “guarded” approach, then you are free to choose someone who is more open and carefree (you are navigating a common J vs P difference).
If you like someone a lot, it means that you’re willing to put in effort for them? You have every right to decide how much effort you’re willing to put in. The relationship is still in its early stages and you won’t lose much by ending it now. However, don’t forget that there’s a lot you can do to be better at relationships, mainly by addressing any behavior that hurts rather than helps relationships to progress.
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littlelovelymemes · 6 years
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here’s me talking about the month since i was last online
firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression
it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.
i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.
speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.
anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.
anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.
i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.
there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got
very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.
there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.
there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.
the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.
anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right
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roughentumble · 7 years
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DISCLAIMER I PROBABLY PULLED ALL OF THIS OUT OF MY ASS AND ITS PROBABLY A BAD INTERPRETATION BUT ITS MINE SO BACK OFF
SORRY. IDK WHY I SUCK AT EVALUATING THIS MOVIE IN PARTICULAR imo, theres a LOT of emphasis put on control. they talk about dictatorships, how they repress both art/culture, AND knowledge/learning. i'm gonna avoid talking about what i think Really Happened, because i havent entirely worked that out for myself, but for themes and what they represent and why this story's being told... i think it's largely a meditation on the ways we're repressed by society at large, our smaller and more insular social groups, and the closest relationships with loved ones(so essentially, the world at large and at every level of interpersonal relationship and society in general) we're given a tale of two physically identical people to illustrate two extremes in behavior and personality, and how the same outside forces conspire in the same way to tear them apart, tear them down, and force them into roles they dont want to inhabit. it also forcibly strips them from their individuality, their personhood, and their self expression- they will never be a single, unique person ever again, because they will always know there's someone else out there wearing their face. going back to the extremes in behavior n such... it's easy to be an academic and look at someone who is an actor, or an artist, and think of them as the penultimate in self-expression and personal freedom. but at the same time, if you're a creative it's easy to look at someone in a more stable, academic or scientific role and think that they have more freedom to be themselves, in that they dont need to constantly maintain an Artsy Appearance to Stay Relevant n such. they can literally just be who they are, and if they have no inspiration they can just go back to work until true inspiration strikes. but thats ultimately not true, because NO ONE is allowed true self expression. neither of these men are allowed to be their authentic selves!! the teacher spends nights drinking wine and plowing his fuckbuddy, sure, but it's PASSIONLESS, it's rote and he's sick of it but he has nothing else. everyone(including his own mother) tells him he has a good apartment, a great career, he should be happy and thankful for what he has, but what he has doesnt FULFILL him. but he keeps doing it anyway, because it's the narrative society's constructed for him, the Correct Life Path. he's miserable, and trying to communicate so gets him shut down and told there's something wrong with him. he's held to the expectations of that life, whether he wants it or not and the actor man sees his casual fuck buddy and his complete lack of immanent baby-having and sees him as the pinnacle of freedom, because this isnt the life he wanted for himself either. anthony's miserable, he feels trapped, and he has no outlet to escape into the life he WANTS to live. he wants to be single, he wants to drink and fuck and he absolutely doesnt want a baby. he doesnt want to be a father. also, it's interesting to note how adam steps into anthony's life at the end. they both look the same because they're both put under the same pressure to conform to society's expectations, and he's capable of putting on a persona and playacting as anthony, but it's as fake and miserable and heavy as his last one. and it only brings to light how REPLACEABLE he is. even in anthony's death(assuming he died in that car crash), adam is STILL NOT GRANTED HIS OWN AUTONOMY! he still cant escape the knowlede that he's not his own person, he's a puppet of society who doesnt get to feel genuine joy or self determination because NONE OF THIS IS THE LIFE HE WANTED TO LIVE, but both are the life he's now forced to inhabit. so like.... lets talk about this from different levels. starting with the closest ring(wife, mother, best friend, other close relationships), then the second closest(work friends, neighborhood, social groups you choose to be part of like your local DnD group or soccar team or whatever your niche interest is), then the farthest ring(society as a whole) so. well actually maybe its fairly obvious, and i dont need to get into it??? hmm. well, obviously anthony feels trapped by his wife. he doesnt like that she's pregnant or that he's being tied down, and as much as adam isnt big on his current relationship, hes not exactly thrilled by the pregnant wife either, because of the way she represents a loss of self identity she shows how easily he can step into someone else's life to replace them, AND how easily he himself can be replaced, and how he can never truly be himself. she also imposes a lot of ideas of how he should be onto him. same with the mother, she's cruelly dismissive of adam's wants and desires and creative self expression, all in an attempt to love him and "look out for him"- because if he's financially stable then he's provided for and safe and that's all that matters. not his actual happiness, but rather how "safe" he is and how much she can pat herself on the back for having raised such a "respectful" child things turn awkward in adam's life whenever he expresses a dissenting opinion(he isnt a huge film fan, but most people are expected to have at least a passing interest in film, and when his coworker brings up films as a neutral topic and he expresses that he isnt a fan, it turns the conversation awkward and stilted until he's given a film to watch anyway, because that's the social expectation) what's funny though, is that despite their ultimately antagonistic relationship and the way they reflect a loss of individuality and personhood, the only reason they meet is because of the intersection of knowledge and culture, and they find in each other a sense of community, commiseration, and relatability. who do they understand instantly and intrinsically? who do they seek out? who do they actually SHOW THEIR TRUE EMOTIONS TO throughout the film? EACH OTHER. on the phone with each other for the first time, adam starts stumbling over his words and saying things in the worst possible way, and admits he only gets this way when he's excited, yet we never see him act like that again throughout the film... because nothing else EXCITES him he's excited by the thought of someone else understanding. of someone to commiserate with, to relate to. someone who feels what he feels. a sense of true community. and he gets that, but in doing so looses the one thing that he truly thought of as unique(viewing himself as one of the only- or at least the few- who felt stifled and lacking in true creative outlets in their lives) (i also think thats why anthony responds with more joy and amazement, because for him he's reassured by the communal feeling and the fact that even someone in a Respectable Job could feel that way, whereas adam is horrified because EVEN PEOPLE IN CREATIVE JOBS FEEL THAT WAY) society at large held them both down to such a startling degree that anthony viewed his wife as a spider, himself caught in a web of commitment, while adam felt every day blur together as he shambled through life in a daze, both steeped in misery. they hated their lives, lives imposed on them by a society that operates through subjugation and a suppression of individuality. and they both embodied one of the two major things you can use to combat such a society- and they were both held back and burdened by expectations specifically tailored to hold back those ideas, and keep that individuality from blossoming. but then adam's knowledge met with anthony's art/culture, and they were able to OPEN UP to one another. knowledge became aware of art, and together they forged themselves a small space to really try and feel what they felt and develop who they are as people, without all these expectations weighing them down and moulding them into people they didnt wanna be. and did they ultimately crash and burn(no pun intended)? yeah. they did. but they tried. and they only failed so spectacularly because of a society that wanted them to fail, that kept their emotional growth in that area stunted to keep them from ever rising up against these ingrained ideas that are ultimately harmful now, am i saying these were two good and pure men deserving only of nice things, who never made a mistake???? no. they were both huge assholes. i mean, anthony wanted to fuck adam's GF... WHILE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS ADAM. he tried to push her out a goddamn moving car. adam tried to fuck her while she was asleep at one point, and then fucked anthony's wife while SHE thought HE was anthony---- these are SHITTY PEOPLE. but i mean... i dunno, its, the point isnt to be about perfect people, but instead to show how badly all these limitations and expectations can fuck people up, leave them emotionally stunted and miserable, how it can lead to depression and a lack of identity or a sense of self... how it leads to tragedy, basically.
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itsduongquyet · 5 years
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carasueachterberg · 5 years
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Flannery is about to enter her sixth month in OPH care which makes her a ‘long-term dog’.
photo Nancy Slattery
Currently, up to 30% of the dogs on our site are ‘long term dogs’. There’s a reason why each dog got that label and it certainly doesn’t mean those dogs aren’t good dogs.
It’s just means that these dogs don’t fit the cookie-cutter mold of what many people consider a desirable dog. Each of these dogs will need an intentional adopter who is willing to continue training the dog and understand how to manage the dog. This person will need to be patient and loving and committed. He/she will have to respect the dog, listen to the dog, and set the dog up for success.
As I write these words I realize that they describe what every adopter should be doing.
In our fast-paced world where we’re so comfortable outsourcing much of our lives—from meal-planning to lawn care to wine selection, we’d like a new dog to fill our home with love and joy and no extra work or mess. We’re disappointed if the dog isn’t house-broken and crate-trained or pulls on the leash. We expect that the dog will be good with other dogs, tolerant of cats, and friendly with all kinds of people. We want a cuddly dog, who already knows commands like sit and stay and down, and certainly, we can’t have a dog who barks excessively. The dog should have plenty of energy to play, but not so much energy that they bounce off the walls, leap on visitors or tackle the two-year-old. Oh, and the dog needs to be young and cute and just the right size.
Don’t get me wrong there are a few dogs that fit that bill, but truly, most don’t.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of not having been exposed to those things and with the right introduction, training, and patience, many dogs will fulfill those ideals. But some dogs won’t. It could be their upbringing or their breeding, or it could just be the personality of the dog.
[SIDEBAR: And, for the record, how many of us are so perfect?]
I spent nearly a year with my last ‘long-term dog’ and she is still in foster care now with a different foster home, a year later, having been adopted and returned. Gala is a gorgeous girl who tugs on my heartstrings every time I see her face pop-up on Facebook.
The depth of love and smarts in that dog still echoes in my life. She needs the right adopter and it breaks my heart that there has been no one willing to give her a chance in all this time, because landing Gala in your life would be like winning the love lottery, so complete is her devotion.
Flannery, like Gala, can be complicated, but like Gala she is also an absolute love, completely devoted to the people in this family. She has plenty of happy energy and is easy to train, but needs assistance negotiating the human world, mostly because, like Gala, she is so darned sensitive and smart. She notices things that other dogs might not and reacts to people with her whole heart, both traits that can overwhelm her.
For instance, I took Flannery to an adoption event on Sunday in a small, busy, crowded pet store. She did really well for the first twenty minutes.
Flannery is a small dog and couldn’t see beyond the piles of cat trees, people legs, and store shelves that surrounded her.
Consequently, each new person surprised her and this was terribly exciting. Her tail was on full speed wag and it was all she could do to give me a few ‘sits’ as I tried to distract her from the activity and dogs around her. Her adrenaline sky-rocketed when two little boys approached and she slathered them in kisses, leaping up again and again for attention, before collapsing in a puddle beside them.
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Eventually, though, the high energy and stress of meeting person after person got to her. She grew tired of the constant hands reaching for her and began to growl a low warning. That was my cue and we made a hasty exit. I knew she wouldn’t take her fear any further, as long as I heeded her request.
That growl said, “I’ve had enough. Even though I know this is all terribly exciting and part of me wants you to rub my belly and let me lick your face, the other part of me is overwhelmed by processing so many sights and sounds and smells. I need a break.”
The pictures and video of Flannery’s time at the event all document a happy little pup, lapping up the attention, but had we stayed much longer the pictures would have shown a much different dog. Because I know Flannery and because I listened to Flannery, we came home and had a perfectly pleasant rest-of-the-day.
So, is Flannery people friendly?
Absolutely. But Flannery has a limit to how much stimulation she can process. Flannery will need an adopter who knows this about her and who will listen to her when she’s had enough.
I think adopting a dog is a bit like getting married. You choose your dog/mate because you love this other soul, but you know (or should know) going in that there will be times when you will not love everything about the dog/mate and you will need to take a step back and figure out how you can help them and how you can co-exist.
Maybe your mate doesn’t like a houseful of noisy guests, maybe that stresses him/her out. So, it works better for you to meet your friends out at a bar or to go away for a weekend together. This doesn’t mean that your mate doesn’t like you to have friends, it just means you need to be respectful of your mate’s needs. Because your mate can tell you these things, it’s clear when change is necessary.
[SIDEBAR: When your mate doesn’t tell you these things, the car can begin to go off the rails…]
This works the same way with your dog. Maybe your dog finds meeting new people stressful, so you crate your dog when friends come over. You let your dog hear, smell, even see the people, but you don’t force your pup to meet them. Maybe your pup will be ready to meet them after the hype of entry has ended, maybe not. This does not mean you don’t have a good dog, it simply means you are being respectful of your dogs’ needs.
Sadly, the high number of long-term dogs in OPH care is a reflection of the fact that few people are willing to figure out how to manage a dog that acts outside the boundaries of what we expect. Dogs are not machines, though, and even the easiest dog needs your respect and effort. They love us with such complete devotion and in return deserve our respect and willingness to adapt to their needs.
The amazing thing about both Flannery and Gala is that neither really needs that much management, and the unbridled devotion you receive in return is off the charts. Both of these girls are funny, smart, quirky dogs who will adore their ‘person’ until the end of time. Once more, they both make exceedingly entertaining company.
photo Nancy Slattery
Photo Nancy Slattery
photo Nancy Slattery
OPH has begun exploring ways to better market our long-term dogs to help them find their forever families. They are offering more free training, more support, longer trial adoptions, even reduced fees for these special dogs. We want adopters to know that we will not desert you once the adoption takes place—we are invested in your success and the dog’s.
Finding homes for long-term dogs is a challenge that all rescues and shelters face. It’s a problem that only grows as we strive for a no-kill nation. Saving all the dogs, including the ones that a little more complicated will require effort and education and adopters who are open to a dog that is not a cookie-cutter pup.
And the thing I know, that all of us who have fostered a long-term dog know, is that the risk an adopter might feel they are taking in adopting one of these pups, is not a risk at all because all these dogs need is a little understanding and in return you’ll get a lifetime of love.
The bottom line when it comes to dogs and to marriage and to life is this – the more time and love and effort you invest, the bigger the payoff.
If you’re ready to make an investment, you can find Gala, Flannery, and many more incredibly amazing and absolutely adoptable dogs at OPHRescue.org.
Thanks for reading!
If you’d like to know more about my blogs and books, visit CaraWrites.com or subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter (which is rarely monthly, but I’m working at it…everybody needs a goal).
If you’d like to know more about the book, Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs, visit AnotherGoodDog.org, where you can find more pictures of the dogs from the book (and some of their happily-ever-after stories), information on fostering, the schedule of signings, and what you can do right now to help shelter animals! You can also purchase a signed copy or several other items whose profits benefit shelter dogs!
If you’d like to know how you can volunteer, foster, adopt or donate with OPH, click here. And if you’d like more pictures and videos of my foster dogs past and present, be sure to join the Another Good Dog Facebook group.
I love hearing from readers, so please feel free to comment here on the blog, email [email protected] or connect with me on Facebook, twitter, or Instagram.
Best,
 Cara
Released August 2018 from Pegasus Books and available now
    Risk Worth the Reward: Long Term Dogs are worth saving #dogrescue #itsnoteasy but it's #worthit Flannery is about to enter her sixth month in OPH care which makes her a ‘long-term dog’.
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viralhottopics · 7 years
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9 People Shed Their Clothes To Show The Beauty Of Body Diversity
What if the clich new year, new you was less about changing your body and more about accepting it?
Its a message that Now Toronto, an alternative weekly in Toronto, Canada, has been trying to spread with its Love Your Body issue. The annual issue, which is currently in its third year, features nude photos of local Torontonians who shed their clothes to show that the best New Years resolution is to love who you are at this very moment.
Its also the magazines first issue of each new year.
We felt that the first week of January is so oversaturated with messages about how dieting is the key to happiness, Tanja Tiziana, the photographer who snapped the issues gorgeous shots, told The Huffington Post. Everyone is suddenly on this social pressure to lose weight or change themselves in order to be better.But most people fail because these resolutions arent founded in love or acceptance of their life, body, age and personal challenges.Were just pushed to compare ourselves to some airbrushed model in a magazine.
The idea of this issue, Tiziana explained, is that change and growth are both good things, but they need to come from a place of love for ourselves and each other in order to last and be fulfilling.
Michelle Da Silva, an online news writer for the magazine, also thinks the issue is about how beauty and strength come in all shapes and sizes.
All bodies deserve to be celebrated, she told HuffPost. I want people to see that our bodies tell stories about our past, but also, who we are isnt limited to the skin were in.
Each year Now Toronto puts out a call for volunteers who would be interested in posing nude and talking about their relationship with their body. Then the magazines editorial staff tries to come up with a diverse group of people with different things to share.
Tiziana told HuffPost that this years group left her with a renewed sense of gratitude after working with each one. Here are this years models:
Heidi Hawkins
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Hawkins, a mother and voice-over actor, used her photo shoot to explore how pregnancy changed her body and how she views that change.
My body is completely different. I dont have time to work out or shave my legs. I dont really have time to take care of myself, but I think Im like 90 percent of women who had babies in the last couple of years. I now have cellulite, a stretchy belly and lopsided breasts from breastfeeding, but Im proud of it in a strange way.
Catherine Hernandez
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Hernandez, an author, was diagnosed with two chronic illnesses last year. She used her photo shoot to speak about learning to love and listen to her body.
During the height of my sickness, I would write love letters to my body and post them up. Like, Dear Body. My beautiful Body. I am so sorry that I starved you. Im so sorry that I made you work when you didnt want to work. Im sorry that I pushed you hard when I shouldnt have. I should have just listened to you. And Im listening to you now.
Prince Amponsah
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Amponsah, an actor, social worker and student at Ryerson University, was severely burned in a fire four years ago. At first, he had some reservations about jumping back into acting after the incident, but decided to chuck his fears in order to do what he loves.
I couldnt see myself going back to acting because I didnt feel I had a place there, he told the magazine. You dont see a lot of people who look like me on the stage or on the screen, and sometimes you need those kinds of role models to see yourself, to feel like you can be a part of it.
Jewelz Mazzei
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Mazzei, a body activist and model, spoke to the magazine about how the body-positivity community on Instagram has changed her life.
I never see people like me in the media, and I know that if I had seen models who looked like me growing up, it may have been a bit easier to accept myself. I felt like it wasnt fair for me to love myself and not help other people, because I know what it feels like to wake up everyday and not feel okay.
She then added:
There are still so many people out there who believe they dont deserve to love themselves unless they look a certain way. I want to keep fighting for them and keep spreading the message of self-love.
Ted Hallett
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Hallett, an improviser and writer, was diagnosed with kidney cancer a year ago. He received a large scar from the center of his rib cage to his right thigh due to surgery. He talked to the magazine about how facing death has allowed him to not sweat the small stuff.
I yield to the stuff I have no control over. As I get older, I give less of a shit about what people think. That includes what I look like. My body is my body, and Im cool with that.
Jasbina Justice
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Justice, an activist, yoga teacher, coordinator and performer with feminist porn company Spit, used the photo shoot to expose what she sees as her true self.
When Ive done other things where Ive been nude, its more about performance performing sexuality, looking desirable or Ive been shown alongside other people. Here, I wanted to hold myself accountable to the work Ive done, taking a step toward embracing my body, sharing my story, holding myself up in a really vulnerable way.
Paul Lancaric
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Lancaric, a voice-over artist, talked to the magazine about how visiting and frequenting nude beaches made him more confident about his body and work.
There have been times when my voice-over work has had me sitting in a closet recording audiobooks of erotic novels, and I didnt feel comfortable taking on those jobs until after my experiences with nude beaches and naturism, he said. It definitely connected to feeling confident enough to sit in a closet and read lurid passages about various body parts without laughing or giggling. Those books would have taken forever to record if that happened.
Monique Mojica
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Mojica, an actor, playwright and artistic director at the Chocolate Woman Collective, is also of Kuna and Rappahannock descent. The 68-year-old decided to tie her photo shoot experience into her culture and anger over Standing Rock.
This shoot allowed me to take a big gulp and ask, Where is the celebration? Where is the reclamation? I thought about the women who were dancing and singing and praying in the face of volleys of tear gas, she told the magazine.
She then added:
So, for the shoot, I made it sacred to honor those women who are standing with their arms up. I thought, I am going to sing and dance and pray.
Acacia Christensen
Tanja-Tiziana/Now Magazine
Christensen, a female wrestler, talks about how her body gives her all kinds of strength.
When Im wrestling, thats a good [self-esteem] day. I look the least conventionally attractive when I wrestle, but Im like, This fits. Im dressed like a cartoon character and nobody can say anything about it, she said. I found out about the League of Lady Wrestlers and was asked to join, and somehow Ive become one of the draws. I decided to be the big, fat monster character. Making people boo you is weirdly powerful, and almost more gratifying than trying to get them to like you.
She also added:
I was training in Texas and went to pick up this guy for a power slam. He was like, Youre throwing me effortlessly! A dude might be twice my size and ripped, but I can knock him down because of my build. Im short and have a low center of gravity and Im really hard to move.
To see all the models, check out Now Torontos full story here.
Read more: http://huff.to/2idbhu1
from 9 People Shed Their Clothes To Show The Beauty Of Body Diversity
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