#we just moved in a couple weeks ago
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Locked out of the house
#we just moved in a couple weeks ago#and **I’ve** only been here for like a week… a week ago#and I don’t have a key 😭😭😭😭#bc they’ve just been leaving the door unlocked during the day (which is safe for reasons that are too self-doxxy to explain here lol)#but APPARENTLY they forgot to unlock it today and forgot I didn’t have a key. sigh#at least the weather’s nice#but I have an assignment to do in the next few hours and then my Zoom class 😭#and I have wifi bc I’m on the back porch but my laptop is almost dead#sighhhh#and there are MOSQUITOS#my mom’s bf is coming home to let me in so yay#ellyposting
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#still wild to me that i am in a relationship#itll be 3 months next week and i am obsessed with him than ever#i never couldve imagined itd actually be like this but it is literally everything i ever wanted#hes sooooo kind#and sweet and i could gush about him all day long#i mentioned in front of two of his friends how im planning to buy a ps5 in the next couple months bc i only have Nintendo consoles#and i wanna play other games#and his two friends where like well why arent you getting a gaming pc?????#important note here: they all are gaming nerds and they are all like IT guys incl my boyfriend#and i explained that its just the easiest way and that im not really a pc gamer#(but important note here is that my bf has hi gaming pc set up on his tv and plays with a controller exclusively and i do vibe with that)#and then all 3 basically were like we will literally build you a gaming pc ourselves so you dont buy a ps5!!!!#that was 2 days ago.#yesterday my boyfriend showed me his research into possible gaming pc set ups for me that would be within a certain budget#while still being definitely more than good enough#and he explained some things to me and asked my opinions#and now im sat here like ok 🥺#i think ill let my boyfriend build me a gaming pc#mind you i wasnt planing on getting a ps5 before fall the earliest bc im planning on moving soon and money and all that#but hes already planning and gathering ideas#while still understanding why i initially wanted a ps5 (less money and i have no idea about gaming pc set ups) and leaving it fully up to me#i am also now at exactly 100 hours into elden ring with him as my backseater#which means end game shit#i am currently switching between trying to win against Malenia Mogh lord of blood and radagon#its........ going#i maxed out my number of flasks and charges?? is that what its called#and i got my +10 staved and sword/catana#its still super fun but hoh boy#the rush of adrenaline when i finally beat godfrey and my boyfriend was so hapoy for me too it was honestly super fucking adorable#personal
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idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..
#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today….#and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop#but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him#and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him#and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself#and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week#it’s been like 5 times since december#but 3 have been on the past month alone#and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident#and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved#and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening#and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again#by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive#and like. idk what to do#i really don’t want to be w someone like this#and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this#but i also can’t abandon him#like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone#but like i don’t want to live like this#maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out#but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg#i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either#and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk#i just don’t know what to do#i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:(#and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week…..#but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now
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Boys 🙄
#I met a cute guy a couple weeks ago and we hit it off really well#we texted for a week and a half and he was really nice#we had a date on Friday and it went really well#then he came to my party on Saturday and ended up staying till the end and we semi-hooked up#and we just went for a drink last night and he told me he doesn’t know what he wants rn and basically just wants to be friends#so I’m sad about that#we’re really fresh and I knew this is probably where his head was at because he literally moved here last week#I was just getting excited that there’s a cute guy in town that I could actually be interested in again#a bitch is lonely#and as happy as I am with myself and know I don’t need no man#I still want one lol I’m not built to be single
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note that i'm only halfway joking about the old people candy bit. this is some of what i had put out for the kids irl tonight
(hardly any kids come down this way and buying candy for the occasion is mostly a wasted effort so i've just started emptying my candy dish into the bucket lol)
#eliot posts#tho at the beginning of the night there were various chocolates#mostly mint chocolates and dark chocolate reese's#bc my upstairs neighbours gave me a SHITLOAD of chocolates a couple weeks ago and i don't like those kind#me and my upstairs neighbours are locked in a silent competition where we try to be more polite than each other#like. they had given me a plate of cookies#so i was like hoohoohoo let me return that plate with fresh baked muffins on it#and when i knocked on their door to deliver their muffins they gave me a big container of candies#(i told them i could not possibly eat that much chocolate and they told me i could give it to others and to just take it)#i don't know if they're aware if this strange polite one upsmanship we find ourselves in or not#it's like#i help them move furniture. they catsit for me for a week and REFUSE to take payment#they say my cat is their friend bc he is often looking at then through the window when they go to work early in the morning#they're such nice people i'm gonna miss them when i move
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‘you don’t seem too happy tho :(’ cunt I’ll bite you
#THE ACTUAL CHEEK OF HER LET ME CALM DOWN BEFORE I RANT FUCK MEEEEE THIS GIRL THIS GIRLYPOP EVEN#right so I’ve got a mate that I fell out with a couple weeks ago and she’s not confrontational but she IS the type to hold grudges#and express them in like. really petty ways. so like we settled our argument ages ago and I moved on bc i have a life#BUT IT’S OUR OTHER MATE’S BDAY PARTY TODAY AND IM NOT THAT CLOSE WITH THIS MATE BUT THIS GIRL IS HER FLATMATE YEAH#SO EVEN IF THAT MATE DIDNT INVITE ME DIRECTLY THEN THIS OTHER MATE THAT I AM CLOSER WITH WOULD HAVE#bc basically me her and another girl make a trip like we’re very close and it’s a very rigid trio set up#like you CANNOT invite two and not the other yk? guess what she fucking did#i only FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS PARTY BC THE THIRD GIRL IN OUR TRIO VERY CASUALLY WAS LIKE OH WHAT R U GONNA WEAR#AND I WAS LIKE??? TO WHAT??? AND SHE WAS SO BAMBOOZLED BC THATS HOW MUCH OF A GIVEN IT WAS THAT ID BE INVITED#BC MY MATE INVITED HER BUT NOT ME#and I’ve known that since yesterday morning but I was like okayyy okay im saying nothing am I fuck getting aggy bc I didn’t get INVITED#like that’s embarassing I’m staying silent. which I stick to until suddenly 5pm today#my mate that invited the other girl but not me messages me going#‘are you coming?’ GIRL??? AND THEN PROCEEDS TO TRY GASLIGHT ME LIKE ‘I MESSAGED YOU ABOUT IT’#YOU DID IN FACT NOT#AND I CANT PROVE SHES BEING INNOCENT AND PETTY BC WE FELL OUT AGES AGO BUT IT CERTAINLY FUCKING FEES LIKE IT#and even tho id acc like to have gone to that party I cut my nose off and was like nah im gonna sit this one out it’s just awkward now innit#and she was backtracking by that point bc i think she thought she’d just make me feel marginally uncomfortable and then I’d crawl over#like no bitch!!! and yeah I was a bit mardy on text and she HITS ME WITH THIS#‘are you okay’ ‘yeah you two have fun’ ‘you don’t seem too happy tho?’ YOU FUCKING RECKON???#furious tbh im scheming over how to retaliate even though i KNOW i shouldnt#petty petty girls grow up pls#hella goes to uni
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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the combination of lesbionic misandry and my hormone cycle is making me so so pissed at my dad for sometimes no reason at all. but sometimes yes reasons. yesterday i was making dinner and one of the cats was bugging me so i was yelling at it to go away so i can cook and he just shouts, full volume "YOURE GONNA HAVE TO BE VIOLENT WITH THE CAT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO HIT IT." first thing he says to me after he gets home from work btw. and then acted like EYE was weird for going "no???" and oh that pissed me off so bad. and then just now I am literally in the kitchen starting dinner and he says to mom "guess (they're) not making dinner then..." and mom had to tell him like no i got a late start on it but i'm doing it. so those are yes reasons he's pissing me off. and sometimes i'll get annoyed at him for literally just standing somewhere and sighing. what the fuck are you so disappointed about bitch. explodes you with my mind.
#talk tag#he wants all his kids to move out so bad. mind u my baby sister is Twelve years old.#he thinks we're expensive to take care of or smth idk. he was getting onto my mom a couple weeks ago#for making sure theres menstruation products in our house....#talkin about 'why cant they just buy their own' i mean ok sure we can. but you have a 12 yr old???#momma suggested just taking turns with who buys the stuff. thats fine.#i am getting kinda tired of my dad having hissyfits bc he doesn't like us living in our house. i would love to not live with you dude#but the economy. oh its bad.
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Got to have an extremely not fun conversation with The Child about what do to in case of a fire, prompted by the fact that the neighbor's house caught fire last night and two of the children died. He cried when I told him we couldn't try to rescue Norman, but he knows to stay low, stop drop and roll, and where the fire extinguisher is. Gonna have to make up a plan for where to meet in the yard and probably run a couple drills to make it sink in.
#tw child death#the neighbors just moved in a couple weeks ago so we didn't know them at all but i feel so bad for them#gonna be thinking about this for a long time
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Apparently my not doing well is noticeable because my boss gave me Friday off and was like hey take a long weekend and go see your family
#I’m not sure if I will go home#it depends on if I think I can talk to my parents about Why I’m struggling#without them trying to convince me it’s not as bad as I think it is#also to be fair the family comment is just because I do go home to my parents like every other week#when we convinced my grandma to move into a retirement home near them one of the selling points was it being easier for people to visit#mostly me since my other cousin doesn’t go by like ever even tho she lives half an hour away#(for those of you that know Zoe this is the other side of my family so a different situation grandma wise#anyways I go by and see her for a while on Saturdays I’m up and swing by Sunday morning when I head home#I’ve spent more time with her since she moved then I had in years#which is good I’m glad I get to see her m#I got off topic there but like the go home to see your family wasn’t a you’re barely holding it together and need your family#it’s more you need a break go see your family like you like to do#but like I said I’m not sure I mean honestly I only got my mom to understand I struggle with mental illness like a couple of years ago#I don’t know how she missed me going to therapy and being on antidepressants in high school#maybe she just thought it was a grief thing and that I’d gotten better?#god I wrote so much in these tags sorry thanks to any of you that read all the way through
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not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine
#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you#she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them#she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even#change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake#and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy#like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip#but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over#just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat#it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have#cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me#like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff#but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him#with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him#god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it#having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly#much less play with him or take care of him#it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going#slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW#fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet#and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up.#rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell#i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE#AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH#sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more.#i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it#ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth
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Soooo, super enjoying the recent power outages that have fried one (inexpensive) surge strip and one (not so inexpensive) battery back up. They did their job though and no computers have been fried but still. Usually the power is extremely reliable and I like our power company (I know, who says stuff like that) but our corner of the grid has been kinda wonky lately.
#life at nerdy holler#a couple of weeks ago the power went out overnight#and tripped every gfi outlet in the house#which oddly included the garage doors#so power was on. lights and stuff worked. just had to think more to move my car#on Saturday the app kept showing our power was on when it was not#lots of little one house dots reporting outage around us#so we weren’t the only ones#usually it shows how many are out in that grid chunk#for us it’s about 30 houses that keep having issues
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disclaimer : this is a personal life vent look away
shouldn’t be sharing this but i need to take it off my brain (wow reading it back it really sounds like i lost my mind but unfortunately it’s all true and not all of it fits in 30 tags lmaooo)
#because at this point it’s too funny not to share#keep in mind that all of this happened in the last two months 😭#so my dad wants to introduce us to his new gf who he met barely two weeks ago on holidays and will now move in and look for a job here caus#she’s from romania and wants to stay ?????#i know because my dad asked me to clear my room so she has one which okay i guess#my room that’s currently full cause we had to get the stuff we stored at my grandparents following my parents breakup as they’re themselves#getting a divorce after 60 years together and selling the family home we all grew up in#this happening because my grandma got diagnosed with alzheimer n my grandpa so this as an escape door to talk about her being violent#cause breaking news we all looked up to them as the inspiration for a couple but apparently she’s been abusive their whole life#we also just learned to our last name should be different as my grandpa never knew his dad and too his mothers name#all of this we learned having to question our aunt cause we found out by randomly seeing to house on selling website and our dad just sayin#'sometimes people aren’t in love anymore' like we’re 5 yo#i don’t think my dad ever processed any emotion#taking it back to my dad he wants to introduce us on the 16th which funny thing is the day my mom is getting married to her partner#and im still not sure if my dad knows#marriage that makes me sicker the closer it gets cause the guy is a walking red flag and lately i haven’t seen my mom that much#cause i can’t stand him and how she is when he’s around#which he always. is.#oh and his daughter who hasn’t talked to him in years and truly i get it sis will be here but everyone knows#it’s to ask him for the money he doesn’t have again#so im torn but also i up she makes a fuss and everything gets cancel so i don’t have to talk to my mom about how she’s doing exactly#what she promised to never fall for again after finally ditching my dad#and like at least my mom’s side is out of the equation as there’s probably still a murderer on the loose looking for her sicko sister#who herself threatened my mom several times cause my mom dared calling her out on abandoning her disabled daughter to live#with their parents for twenty years and still now with them nearing 80 being sick and broke cause they never made it official and she’s#still the one getting money support lmaooo#oh how could i forget im also staying at my dads cause my big sister moved back with my mom and took my room#following her breakup with her bf of 4 years when she caught him cheating with a 16 years old#oh and now some of my best friends are still deliberating wether they ever wanna talk to me again#this could be fine if i could cry **** *** and dissociate but i no longer have my own room :) being so so brave rn :)
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#my ex bestie started talking to me again a couple weeks ago#we made plans to possibly go to the agust d show in newark#tickets go on sale today and home girl hasn’t really spoken to me in a couple days#but you bet your ass she still fucking expects me to pay for the tickets#plus her plane ticket here cause she has no money#cause she moved her whole life for some shitty guy who told her it makes him uncomfortable when she cries when he does something shitty to#her#and just got fired from the job she “moved there for’#so like do i buy the tickets and just bring someone else and not say anything#or do i buy them and bring her still#i’m just like angry ya know?#6 years of friendship down the drain because some attractive dude who treats you like shit#why am i just not enough?? i’m so confused#anyways#luca struggles
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You know what I like about Texas that California and Colorado fail at? The fact that leftist Texans don't shy away from how bad it is. Sure it's a little bit more relevant when you're living in texas than Colorado and California but I'm sick of my western friends acting like it's some great moral failing to live in Texas. There are multiple towns just an hour from Denver where the population is exactly what my friends think of as 'Texan' like just because you live in a blue state does not make you better than someone living in a red state it just means things are a tiny bit more controlled by the people
I really hate it when they imply that I'll be killed for being queer in texas as if it's not exactly as dangerous to be queer in Colorado and California. People talk about it more but we get killed just the same
#rehks rants#actual rant#tw homophobia#tw mass shooting#in defense of texas#just a few weeks ago there was a shooting at a Colorado nightclub#and every week we hear of police brutality cases all across the state AND in Denver#you're not morally superior just because your parents stayed in Colorado#and you're not morally superior for wanting to live in california#Texas is not a bad place it's a neutral place just like everywhere else#the only difference between texas and Colorado is a couple legislators and some better food#can't wait to move to texas so I can escape this awful diet shit and just eat my heart out in grease#Texas toast my beloved#this does apply to every souther state but I've only ever lived in texas so that's the only one I feel qualified to talk about
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♡
#thinking about that first kiss post i reblogged literally just a couple minutes ago#and besties. yk. if you didn't like your first kiss. you can just come up with a new one. it's just a social construct like virginity.#here's my first kiss story:#i was 17. it was the fourth of july. i had a fun night hanging out with my friends and we avoided fireworks because of the anxiety#one of my friends was moving away and i'd miss him a lot. i still do. i was also on a quest to get my first kiss--#since i'd be turning 18 that august. i joked at the party that we should kiss and he laughed it off#then later that night as we walked to our cars he apologized for not kissing me. and i said he had nothing to apologize for#then he grabbed my arm. waited a second. and kissed me#i wasn't attracted to him and he wasn't attracted to me. it was a weird kiss. but i liked it#a week later he moved away#that did happen. i was wearing someone else's hoodie and it wasn't my first kiss#but that's the one i'm sticking with#it isn't even romantic. it's just nice. that's all it's gotta be sometimes#so if you ever have a story like that you don't like. change it. it's all not real anyway#to be deleted#maybe
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