#we're living in a shitty world rn and the best I can do is try to spread some positivity

[gaspshichat]

hi chat. pearl made me cry at 9:30 in the morning so y'all know what time is it. warning there will be swears [i say the f word ☹️] bc i haven't slept but i'm somehow not sick rn which. hasn't happened in weeks

[and a quick health update: pretty sure i have narrowed down what's making me sick to three possible things. i'm hopefully seeing my doctor soon bc the refill on my meds expires in june. we're so close and i haven't been able to breathe]

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OH MY GOD. Y'ALL. IF YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME AND SOMEHOW AREN'T A PEARL FAN. HOW ???? GO. GO BE A PEARL FAN. IT'S A THREAT

pearl is funny and kind and caring. there is a reason i gave her 10k bits the other day. she deserves the entire world and more. i don't know what the world did to her that made her so kind

i'm not the only one who has a message though !! here are a few messages from people but i've seen so many in reblogs and tweets and whatnot

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from my lovely partner tay aka twitter user PandoraRxse: I can’t catch streams very often but your videos always make me smile and I always look forward to a new upload. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing Pearl

from lovely twitter user SKYBL1NGS: shes like genuinely super funny and has great content that everyone can get into and shes really pretty and i loce pearlecentmoon

from a lovely anonymous twitter user: she is genuinly such an amazing artist, both in minecraft and in real life, all of her art is so lively in a way that i'm not sure how to describe best. also she is such a kind human being :))

from lovely tumblr user sapphicwhimsy: pearl is such a lovely and sweet person. shes SO kind to everyone in chat, new or old, and creates such a lovely environment to hang around in. her streams are the only ones i can sit through fully, and she has SUCH a lovely voice! i could listen to her read the dictionary, because im sure she would make it interesting. she has such a way to make everything interesting! even things like sitting still for thirty minutes can be something interesting in a pearl stream, because shes always got such amazing things to say. shes absolutely beautiful, inside and out, with a kind soul that matches her through and through. the fact that she always tries to read everyone out personally, and tries to pronounce their names correctly - and accepts corrections wholeheartedly - is so nice. and shes so wonderfully accepting to all of her community, and always has well wishes for everyone. shes truly a very wonderful and accepting person, who deserves the world! honestly the sweetest person ive ever came across.

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anyway onto the next part of why i made this post

HOW THE FUCK IS SHE SO PRETTY. WHAT. IT'S GENUINELY UNFAIR. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD BE A GODDAMN SCULPTURE

LIKE COME ON. I WISH I COULD DRAW SO I COULD DRAW HER. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. WHAT THE HELL. LOOK AT HER

featuring other GORGEOUS women. my god. i am so

anyway :)) it took me an hour and a half to write this bc i kept getting distracted. in short. pearl is so amazing and wonderful. it's weird how she remembers things about me and actually cares ???

also. SHE PRONOUNCED MY NAME CORRECTLY ???? I'VE HEARD SUCH TERRIBLE PRONUNCIATIONS BUT PEARL. SHE SAID IT RIGHR FIRST TRY. WHAT. i kind of want to hear how karn would attempt to pronounce it

[bc yes. i'm okay with anyone, including streamers, calling me vyren. you know me better than my dad does. it's okay to call me vy, vyren, gasp, or gasps]

sleepy brain wrote this post and i want to say so much more but i can't. i had a better message when i did my 10k bits message but that thing is long gone. the only way pearl knows about those bits is if she sees this

and to her community: i love y'all. y'all are lovely. thanks for helping make my shitty life a little brighter. the world may not be kind to me, but y'all are. thank y'all for that. y'all are so lovely

pearl, if you see this, sending all the love to you and your three cats. and yes. karn is the third cat

[archangeldyke-all]

hi, Angel!! Firstly, I wanted to apologize. I'm still learning English, so you know, if anything gets confusing.

I guess I just wanted some advice. In February, I turn 19 and I'm a total failure: no job, no money for college, no girlfriend. I've been having the idea in my head of begging to work in a pizzeria where practically my entire family works, so I can buy my things little by little and rent some small, cheap place for myself, because I can't stand the situation at my mother house anymore.

I talked to my mother, explained the situation and she supported me. But today, when I was talking to the owner of the pizzeria to hand in my resume, my mother suddenly started saying that she wanted me to learn a lesson, working in a bad place and getting by with college, courses and work. And, to make matters worse, she and the owner started talking bad about me IN FRONT OF ME, calling me a bum for not having gotten into a good college yet. I left earlier than her and I was holding back crying the entire bus ride. I feel so betrayed, I lost all trust. I don't know if I can handle the pressure anymore and I feel so useless. But I really want to leave the house. I don't know what to do and was hoping you could give me some advice perhaps? I'm really lost

hi babe <3333 i am so so sorry you're in a rough spot right now.

i'm going to give you advice based on my similar experiences, but please please please, only do what you think feels right depending on your situation and safety levels!

first of all: you're soooo not alone. i have so many friends (in real life and online) who are in the same spot-- and i'm in a similar situation myself! here are a few things i remind myself of when i start to spiral:

1. our age range (young adults) has been incredibly stunted socially from covid. generations before us didn't have to stay inside of their houses for some of the most socially developmental years of their lives. it's no wonder we're a little more lost and lonely.

2. nineteen is still so young. i'm twenty three, and i'm still so young. you've got all the time in the world to figure out important things, like what you want to study or where you want your career to go.

3. a career doesn't have to be anything more than what you do to feed yourself. you don't have to be passionate about your work, you don't have to change the world, and, best of all, you don't need to do what other people want you to do.

so, to you, i'll say this: at least if you're in america, college is an expensive investment-- and it isn't your only option. if you don't know what you want to study-- that's totally okay! you're so young, you've experienced so little, it's incredibly ridiculous to expect teenagers to determine their life path. so, i say, wait to go to college until you know what you want to study. it'll save you a whole lot of stress and money. (there are alternative paths too: most trades only have you in school for 2 years, there are licences you can get in 3 months that lead to union jobs, i, personally, have been taking online certification courses to beef up my resume... college is not your only option!)

until then: don't let your shitty mom and her asshole friends at the pizzeria stop your search! the economy is shit right now, i know how expensive rent is (trust me, i'm trying to move out of my parents house rn too haha) but the good thing is: almost everyone's hiring. so i say, get a job somewhere else, save some money, and hopefully soon the tides will turn and the economy will change, and both you and i will be able to find a place of our own!

and last but not least: your mom is so so wrong. it's so cruel of her to humiliate and demean you like that, and you do not deserve that treatment. i'm so sorry you're in an environment like that right now, and i want you to know that you aren't alone, and someday, you will get out of there. you just gotta keep chugging along until then. and i'll be rooting for you the entire time!!

i hope this helped love <3 don't be too hard on yourself

[throwingupmyemotions]

guilt lolll

i only cringe when i try to sound serious so i have this urge to write lol after everything but i also don't want to do that at all. but so basically ughh i don't even feel like using periods anymore

so im not going to

from now on im not using punctuation

ill just make a new paragraph for every thought

no ok this is getting annoying too

ok ill stop but pls know that im so unserious rn and every period i write is written with the highest level of whimsy possible. LOLOLOL ive never said whimsy before idek if i used it right but i couldn't think of the word that i was thinking of. omg this is so fun im actually writing everything that im thinking of!! i tried doing this in my old diary but i couldn't write fast enough to keep up, luckily im a much faster typer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

OMG lemme start talking about the whole reason i started this. so basically this is just an intro for something else but i think about it a lot

so like i recently had a sort of awakening? kind of? like it was rlly just me growing up and realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me. but like in the best way possible bc i thought everyone's lives around me were perfect and i was the only imperfect one but now i realize everyone has their own problems which ik sounds like smth i should've realized as a kid but idk ig im just rlly dumb and self involved.

so anyway, i have always felt guilt pretty heavily like as a kid i would end up confessing to my parents anytime i did anything wrong because the guilt would literally eat me alive. ooh i have a rlly funny story

i was in like 6th grade and it was that time where i started getting all horny and curious. but the thing is i was suuuper sheltered like i don't even think i knew what sex was until like highschool and so i didn't know what was going on yk. all i knew is that looking at boobs made me feel some type of way( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) HAHAHA

OK SO I WOULD LOOK UP CLEAVAGE PRANKS ON YT LIKE EVERY DAY BECAUSE BOOBS IS A BAD WORD AND I CANT JUST TYPE BOOBS

its crazy bc i felt guilty but i didnt even know why?? like im a girl so ofc im curious about what my boobs will look like one day right??? no yeah that excuse stopped working after a yr when i realized i was feeling stuff yk so i completely stopped watching them

it had been about a month since i stopped and i thought the guilt would go away but it literally got worse. so i was lying in bed, and at this point i couldn't even sleep it was so bad, my stomach was hurting and i couldn't stop crying so eventually i went and woke my parents up at 3 am and i was crying so hard that i was like gasping for air so they were both terrified

i sat them down and it took me like 10 minutes to finally speak

and i told them "ive been watching bad videos"

and they started laughing

i cant make this up

it was so embarrassing

so anyway now that you get an idea of what my guilt was like then, its definitely a lot better now but it transformed into me feeling guilty about things that i cant just fix with a confession which makes it harder

ik life is unfair and thats just how it is and we're supposed to just accept it but its soooo hard like sooo hard for me to accept

and im so fucking lucky like im rlly starting to realize how lucky i am now but omg im so grateful for everything that i have but like i don't deserve this at all yk? like i didn't do anything to deserve this life and it makes me feel so shitty like im not a good enough person to get all of this and i feel guilty so i feel like helping ppl is the only way to get rid of the guilt but that's so selfish so then i feel like an even worse person and i feel more guilty and its this crazy cycle that i just made up but idk. im obviously self aware enough to realize that me feeling like i don't deserve the life i have is a me problem. and ik ive been obsessed with the idea of being a good person like my whole life but my awareness of the obsession only makes me feel terrible. like how can i even be a good person anymore if anytime i do anything good i think its fake? and another recent worry that i have is that i have a savior complex which definitely is what this paragraph sounds like. like i feel like since i got so lucky its my "duty" to help other ppl bc it could easily be me in that situation yk.

i obviously have a weird relationship with guilt and my own self image so i wrote this story a long time ago. like a rlly rlly long time ago. this is one of the first things ive ever written for pleasure bc i used to hate writing. so like its obviously not good but it makes me feel things so i wanna put it in here

standing on the damp stone floor barefoot, you look up to see yourself in some kind of cave with an eerie glow illuminating what would be complete darkness.  you feel empty- or maybe blank would be a better word, nothing is in your mind, no memories or significant thoughts. but more than that, no emotions- even the realization that you are naked doesn’t bring panic.  trying to think what your shivering wet body is doing here, bare and alone in a dark cave, you almost don’t notice when you see a figure approaching you. the unusual lack of anxiety as you’re waiting allows you to notice it’s odd movement almost like the unknown being is floating. now it is close enough that you make eye contact, and everything comes back.

all of your memories and emotions overwhelmingly flood your brain pushing you to a crouched position on the floor.  as you cradle your head in pain, you squint up at the once unknown figure now in front of you. though you’ve never met before, you somehow instinctively know exactly who it is and what their presence means for you.  the inevitability of the situation leaves you feeling less scared than you should be and more tired from the waiting.  in fact you were exhausted, waiting practically your whole life for this, your fear easily overshadowed by your impatience.  defeatedly standing up, you take a step forward, giving your soul to the devil.

he looks at you with what impossibly seems like sympathy.  gesturing for you to present your forehead, you  squeeze your eyes shut and raise your head.  while you feel numb to most of your emotions, you can’t help but feel the shiver of terror that goes through you as you wait with your forehead bared.  after what feels like hours you finally feel a soft touch to your forehead, almost like—

your eyes snap open to find him lifting up from the kiss.  a kiss. on your forehead. he kissed your forehead. wondering if this was a trick to make the resulting torture worse, you look up at his face only to see it engulfed by sadness, tears threatening to fall out of the devil’s eyes.  you don’t understand, this isn’t what you deserve.  finally feeling an emotion, you are panicking.  you had been waiting to be punished, getting what you deserve is what should be happening it’s what needs to happen. ‘it can’t end like this it can’t end like this it can’t end like this it can’t end like this’, repeating in your head.  you hysterically look up to see tears silently flowing out of the monster and belatedly realize you’re sobbing too, echoes of your panicked wailing filling the cave.  desperately trying to spark a reaction, you push the devil hoping he will retaliate but he only stands there, continuing to silently cry for you. 

*LOL GET IT my guilt was my punishment but fun fact: my parents actually did this like they almost never punished me for anything bc my guilt was enough

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Um hi, so this might be a little weird but do you mind if i rant about something real quick? I usually wouldn't but i'm kinda stressed out rn and this blog is already full of chaos (in the best way of course)

Ok heres the thing: for my entire life i have been a very intense daydreamer but lately it has been driving me crazy! Not in the particulary bad way tho i love my ocs and thinking about them and their world but there is so much shit going on!! Basically i'm stuck creating a world with several separate realms (that is the most fitting word i can think of) which are all PHISICLY connected (in a way) but have developed differently in culture, tradition and all that but its people have interacted because of that one time that one bitch fucked shit up bad. I favorise one of the realms cause it's the original one and sort of where all the important shit goes down. It was easier while it was on its own, not that i think adding the other ones was a bad idea (they actually add the diversity i needed) i just have too many stories in my head! There are also my original creatures which all need more cultural developing. Then i remember the characters speak some kinds of languages. What is a timelane? I just dont know. And there is this big main story whose characters have been with me my entire fucking life and i love them so so much but. But. There is no conherent plot whatsoever. It changes all the fucking time, idk where im going and its annoying. Then there are stories with actual conherent plot that i don't pay enough attention too beacuse im biased. Now i kinda fear i'll forget something important from all the different ages, characters lives, legends and so on. And yes i know i should write this shit down but there is just too much idk where to start. Plus there is this weird feeling that my writing is not good enough and that i won't be able to accurately portray the characters i love so dearly. Which is silly of course, i know i should just practise and that writing takes time but it is what it is.

All right i hope that wasn't too strange. About all the seriuos problems in my life i can talk to friends or family but I just needed to talk to someone about these stories since they are such a big part of my life noone knows about (and if they do they know just a fraction i was willing to share at the moment). Anyway, feel free to ignore this but it really made me feel better.

Have a lovely day/night! 💛

I'm so sorry this was such a long rant!

P.s. english isn't my native laguage so forgive if the grammer and spelling are questionable its 1 am and im tired

You seem stressed, my friend. Now please excuse my shitty formatting, for I am on laptop and feel like a cat trying its best to play the piano but can't because I have stubby little paws.

It seems to me that you're making things way harder for yourself than necessary! It can be tricky when people like Tolkien are our inspiration, because we hold both him and his work on a hard to reach pedestal (as we should, he's a god). But, we need to remember; we're not Tolkien, and we'll never be Tolkien. Literally. None of us will ever be as clever or good as him. He's one of those writers that comes around every few centuries.

Now, with that hard to swallow pill out of the way, I offer you a new one - a chill pill!

Relax, my friend. The whole point of writing is to explore ourselves and who we are in a safe and controlled environment. We should be happy when creating, not drained and frustrated.

You don't want to build resentment towards a project simply because you're overdoing it and yourself (trust me, been there done that).

I'd suggest finding one small part of your world and starting there. Whether it be the flora, fauna, language or characters - start small and build your way up!

[essercipertuttienonperse]

we're the exact opposite ends of the spectrum!!! lmao fjdjs I have zero ambition/career goals and if I could, I would definitely 100% pick not to have a job ever. which makes me so lazy to everyone else but im just 🤷‍♀️ what can i do? I don't understand the rethoric of "you have to be miserable and suffer in order earn the right to exist". over the years I've realised I yearn for nothing more than to be able to have a house that's mine, that I can take care of and decorate and renovate whenever i feel like, and a bunch of pets, and possibly someone i love to spend the rest of my days with. I love learning new things but formal education is Not for me rip so I would just like to spend my time taking care of my house, and learning new things by travelling, reading, studying whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it and on my own, in my own time and for my own private benefit, not to have anything to show to anyone. and sometimes it is literally so hard for me to digest the fact that as a society we have just decided this is not a viable option and i know i know im talking about everything here in the most simplicistic way possible and that in reality everything is infinitely more complex but you know what I mean??? im just so tired. and sometimes the knowledge that no matter what you're destined to never feel the slightest sense of fulfillment and satisfaction is kind of overwhelmingly heart crushing

I've made myself even more depressed now I hate this im so sorry fhdjdj

sorry lmao I went on rambling and this doesn't even have anything to do with what you posted fhdjdjjd

i just wanted to tell you that I've always admired people like you, even though it does sound just as scary and exhausting to feel like you won't have the chance to explore everything you'd like to. but I truly hope you'll get to experience as many difference things as youll be able to fit in your schedule, one day! maybe even just to try a lot of different stuff for shorter periods of time. everyone deserve a chance at finding something that satisfies them, that makes them happy. and i know this shitty hideous world is the furthest thing from fair, and even just the fact that we can afford to fantasise about/desire this stuff makes us privileged in someway but i just. I literally have no other way to cope with the frustration if not to keep alive the smallest fragment of hope that maybe one day it won't feel this bad

now I'm done im sorry im literally thinking about all this 24/7 and reading your post opened a floodgate aaa

hey! sorry I just saw your ask because I went to sleep right after posting that!

anyways personally I think that's a very legitimate dream! personally I don't think there's anything wrong with it and also it's probably wayyy more common than you think! and I hope one day you can have all that and be really happy with it because it sounds really wholesome! also about the formal education thing I totally understand lol tbh I think it could definitely use some work Because for how it is rn ,at least where I live, it's definitely not structured to help students or allow them to find their best way of learning and developing as a person so I totally get that lots of people find it really difficult to be in it and have feel like it'd be much easier to just do it alone (I feel like that a lot too but also for how I am I know I couldn't do it on my own) and also not completing formal education doesn't mean you're not smart or intelligent imo!

and thank you for your words about me!!! I hope we can both find a way to be happy!!! even in this world that seems designed to prevent that!🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[pokefanbri]

That fresh start, that new life in a home we make together. I'd like that. Be the badass couple we talked about. Idc as long as im with you, you are my best friend & I want to be that for you. Darling we know it wasn't the right time. We can make our own timing, ill be here when you're ready. We can do this together, build a good future. You captured my heart, you are my heart...you can't love me the same way...perhaps things were too fucked up then for anything to blossom. Youre different than any1 ive been with..im not used to your personality or holding myself back from loving fully, ive always been a homemaker & long term relationship kind of gal with no complaints.

I want to make things right with you too. I'm building myself up all by myself after all that has happened, without you here. My life is changing without you. My future is starting, our future if u want it..you're leaving me gave me the push..put me in circumstances that made me fight..but I hate all what you put me through, I should just walk away...but for whatever reason my heart won't allow me to give up on you. I hope maybe with a good head on our shoulders it will be different. I don't want to lose you, you are everything to me. I want to start over with you, do things right. I don't want to regret ever meeting you, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, the person I care about most in this world. But you were shitty to me & didn't show that u cared back as much as you wanted me to care of u..& grew to care too much..was loving you a mistake..I was destroyed just for loving that face. My drive to keep going has been wanting to see you again to hold you in arms, I've had no other purpose or drive to get anywhere accept to you...because I know that despite the bad shit we were great together, & I miss you so damn much. Im left in the dark again, u need your space & time I get that, but you can't just leave me hanging. You want me back, u want to tell me everything to get to know the real you...but I don't want end up regretting letting u into my life again. I know we would he amazing but I need to be treated fairly period, I should hate you..but I can't, I just cant. You're the love of my life, I've never experienced feeling like this toward anyone, and you not here tears my heart apart. I adored you, I still do, I still want there to be a chance for us to try.

But If we're to be together it has to be different, things need to change.. we need to lay it all out on the table & confide, build trust, we're mature adults we need to be able to talk to each other & express our opinions. I need to be respected & heard..wear half the pants if not 40% lol, i don't want to be played with controlled pulled along or put to the side for later as an option & I know the differences, I have always had your back but are u going to have mine. U Choose me..you choose us then be my friend be my man & act like it if im what u want, if you want me to stay don't fuck with my heart cuz I won't give a 3rd chance. I need to be myself not stay silent out of fear... the eggshells, I have so much to give so much to offer but I can't be with somebody that makes me feel worthless instead of showing what I'm worth to them, if things get hard that's fine & normal we can manage through it sure. I need to be cared about & appreciated in return in some way even spontaneity or gifts... intimacy doesent mean just sex, fucking hell give me hugs, just tell me you care about me because yes I do need to hear it..from the people that I care about the most in this world it means the world to me, make me strong for us not weak cuz if a woman feels strong it gives her guy strength too. Just work together for eachothers benefit, that the things you say or do can build me up or also capable of tearing me down & making things turn bad which we don't want.

Youre the person that makes me the most emotional cause I seak for your approval the most...but I know I don't need it cuz I know my worth. But you make me weak in a good way when u don't even try, seeing your smile alone gives me motivation to try harder. Have i made a good impact to your life? Am I important to you too? Do you care about me? Please let me know, help me feel better & confident that I won't be wasting my time, opening my heart to or feel used up being emotionally available to somebody that'll only push me away & keep hurting me over & over, that could possibly never love me the same way. I deserve to be happy, can I be that with you is it possible? Can you become worthy of my heart too? I do mean something to you otherwise u wouldn't have made yourself known & start planning back in February.. so if you're serious I want to be let in on what's going on,I miss you we should talk soon & catch up, continue those plans. What can we do to fix this because im so sorry...I want u to be able to talk to me I'm always here for u. Rn I can't live my life without you in it & I want to go on our journey for real this time, hopefully anywhere but Tucson 😅. I'm just waiting for you to make your presence known again, but til then I'll be working on myself. Having an actual healthy good relationship with you is all I ever want but we need to take the proper steps...we need to listen to eachother,be real with eachother 100% Im willing to do whatever it takes love, Keep our friendship & grow our relationship take it slow we can make it work I know it. I am all in, are you still?