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el-gilliath · 6 years ago

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Cold War (aka the first time Michael gets hurt)

This series is also on Ao3 if anyone prefers to read it there.

Still dedicated to @lsobelevans, my partner in vigilante crime, who makes me gisets (!!!!!) who listens to me whine about Kyle who was NOT supposed to be part of this yet, and who encourages me every day to write more of this.

This part will have a direct follow up, so it ends... abruptly. Because KYLE.

Cowboy continues to baffle Alex as often as he can. He runs around grinning, never once taking the shit perps throw at him. He laughs, he hollers, he fricking whoops. Alex feels tired just looking at him.

Arturo has, of course, noticed the connection between Alex and Cowboy and sends Alex out whenever there’s rumours or talks of him abound. Usually followed by Rosa, Arturo’s daughter and photographer extraordinaire for the Times, who laughs at him whenever he grumbles about it. Probably because she knows how much Alex enjoys writing about Supers, and Cowboy in particular, even if he pretends not too. The fact that she also has a good eye to one icy blonde Super helps. And Influence, who gave herself the name because no other would do according to the note he found one morning on his desk, is just as smitten in return if the way she throws her hair around when Rosa and her camera is around is any indication.

The point is, that by now the vigilante’s of New York, be they Supers or not, know that when Alex Manes arrives you best be on your finest behavior. And if Rosa is with him, well then you better pray your uniform looks good or she will take a picture of it to fuck with you.

It’s also widely known if you’re a vigilante hanging out at the Wild Pony and you don’t want your identity to be known, you scamper when Maria rings the Alex bell. Lovingly referred to as such because Maria rings it when Alex calls her and tells her he’s on his way over. Having Maria as a best friend since childhood gives him an in he didn’t expect, and though he doesn’t quite know why Maria’s bar got to be the vigilante hang out, he certainly doesn’t mind. As long as he adheres to her rules that keep vigilante safe, he’s more than welcome.

The fact that people have started leaving him messages there and not break into his office is also a good thing. Though Cowboy still does whenever he’s bored. Which is pretty much always.

But that doesn’t mean he’s surprised when he walks into the Pony and Influence is right there at the bar. Only she’s not in costume, but he would recognize that hair everywhere.

“Holy shit, I should’ve known it was you.”

Influence smiles, a smile of all teeth he has only seen in the courtroom before. “Why yes, Mr. Manes, you should have.”

He doesn’t know why Isobel Evans has decided to reveal herself to him, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Rosa has a tiny bit to do with it. But no way is that all.

“So, Defence Attorney Isobel Evans is a Super. And not just a Super, but a vigilante that influences people into doing what she wants. Much like you do in everyday life during court.”

“Yes,” Isobel answers. “But in court I do it by being an extremely good lawyer. I don’t need my powers in there, Manes, I just need my god given intelligence and carefully curated female charm.”

Alex huffs. He’s seen Isobel in court, she’s earned her right to be cocky. “So why are you here now? Why prove without a shadow of a doubt that you are Influence? Especially to someone who reports daily on vigilantes.”

Isobel sighs. “Cowboy is in trouble”

Alex will deny to his dying day the timble his heart takes when he hears those words. “Cowboy is always in trouble, he’s too much of a little shit not to be.”

“While this is completely true, this is a bit different.”

“Different, how?”

“Your dad is involved,” Isobel says, looking him straight in the eye. He notices both Maria and Rosa looking at him, but he can’t think. He doesn’t want his dad anywhere near Cowboy.

“What did he do?”

Isobel turns to Maria for a second, and Maria catches her eyes with a soft smile and a firm nod. Oh. Oh. That explains so much about how Maria always seems to just know things, even though he knew Maria had a long lost sister, a Super she couldn’t tell him about. He just never expected it to be Influence. He turns to Rosa to see what she thinks, but Rosa just looks at Maria, intrigued and very interested. Oh wow. Okay then.

“Isobel. My dad. What’s going on?” He asks. Mostly to distract himself from the three women and what that might become, but also because. Cowboy.

“Do you know just how much of a bad man your father is?”

He doesn’t answer, just raises a brow in a clear indication of ‘what do you think.’ Thankfully Isobel accepts it at face value.

“Cowboy found some intel about a russian mob moving stolen diamonds and decided to go after them on his lonesome. That might have been fine, if your dad wasn’t already involved.”

“My dad is involved with anything that can give him money, or power. You know that. Cowboy should know that.”

“We do.” Isobel sighs. “But Cowboy overestimated, and now he’s trapped.”

And Alex suddenly understands why he’s there. “You need me to use my father’s connections to get an in with the Russians.”

“Yes.”

He closes his eyes. Remembers another time he used his father’s connections. Remembers what he lost that day.

“What you’re asking…”

“I know.” He opens his eyes to find Isobel looking at him with sympathy, Maria too. Rosa clasps her hand on his shoulder. They all know, how could they not. “I wouldn’t ask if there was any other way.”

Alex knows she wouldn’t. The reason she’s here unmasked is abundantly clear to him now, she’s making herself vulnerable. To make up for asking him to be vulnerable. To make up for asking him to put himself in a situation he never wanted to be again.

“I need an hour.”

The way Isobel’s mask slips for a minute tells him everything he needs to know; she loves Cowboy. There’s a relationship there, one he doesn’t know what is yet. But whatever it is, it’s important to them.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he cautions. “Thank me when I can actually get him out.”

“I’ll get you whatever you need.”

“No need. But if I call you and need a lawyer, you better do it pro bono. Cause I can’t afford you otherwise.”

Isobe grins, another one of her smiles that are all teeth. “It would be my honor, Mr. Manes.”

Alex takes a deep breath. And another one. And another one. Before he turns to Maria.

“You still have my rig?”

“In the back, like always.”

He moves like a man on a mission, which he supposes he is, ignoring Isobel’s questions about what a rig is and Maria’s softly spoken answer. It’s only as he lets himself into the small back room hidden in Maria’s storage area that he completely exhales. And smiles.

The computer setup he has hidden at the Pony is still his pride and joy, still the one thing he misses most in his day to day life. His fingers itch with the need to hack, itches with a longing that he feels deep in his bones every day. He wants to flex his fingers, he wants to hack into the Pentagon just to prove that he can, he wants to show his father that he can topple him from the inside.

He looks down at his leg, remembers what he lost the last time he was itching to prove something to his father. He wanted to truly show his father that he was no longer his son, and that even though he would act like it in public, he was determined to take him down.

Instead he lost his leg, he lost his brothers, he lost his best friend. He survived losing his brothers, they were always standing in his father’s shadow anyway. He survived losing his leg too, the prosthetic he wears gives him almost as much range of motion now, two years later, and he doesn’t completely hate it.

But Kyle. He will never get over Kyle believing his father over him. He will never forgive him, even if losing him felt worse than realizing his father hated him for something he couldn’t control.

He shakes his head slightly, he’s not here for a pity party. He’s here to do something he swore he would never do again after last time. But he’ll do it for Cowboy. And he knows exactly what he needs.

Project Shepherd is his dad’s most hidden project, his dad’s pride and joy. Created to target Super’s, with it he can topple every vigilante off of their ‘throne’, and make them pay for showing him up. To bad he’s using bad men to fund it.

Alex knows he doesn’t have time to find everything but he doesn’t have too. He just needs the info on the Russian mob hidden in those files. And then he can go get Cowboy. And tear him a new one for being so stupid. He doesn’t know how Cowboy got whatever information he’s working with, but it’s not the best and now he’s in danger. The stupid idiot.

He gives the rig one last look over before he sits down, shaking off old memories as he does. Maria’s been taking good care of it, as she promised to do, and when he turns on the computer it responds like it always does; quickly and perfectly. The way he remembers.

He smiles as the computer boots, he smiles wider as he logs in and sets the security, he grins as he starts the hack. It’s easy, it’s familiar, it’s home in a way many things in his life isn’t these days. But he leaves that all behind, he doesn’t have time for the feelings of right that settles in his spine as he wades through the information on his father’s server. Though, really, he has a hacker son that got a lot of information the last time he got in. Why the hell the Chief hasn’t updated the security he will never understand. Even though he probably didn’t expect Alex to ever do this again. After last time.

But it does make it easier for him to get through, to subvert the passwords and flimsy security measures on the files to find exactly what he needs. He gets lost in it, the world of code, the strings of zeros and ones. Until he finds it.

When he pulls back from his fugue and shuts down the rig he looks at the clock. 58 minutes. Right on time.

He gives his setup one last fond look, before he shuts the door and walks back into the bar. Isobel is on a barstool fidgeting, with Maria glancing over at her as she deals with other customers. Rosa is next to Isobel, softly talking in what seems to be a distracting effort. It’s not working, as Isobel’s head pops up the minute he gets back, but the squeeze she gives Rosa’s hand still says something.

“Did you-?”

“Yeah,” he answers. “I found what I need.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, you’re not.” He can see Isobel’s nostrils flare in irritation and the beginning of anger. “Influence is.”

Isobel narrows her eyes slightly. “Why?”

“I need more than the name of Manes to get me in the door, I need a Super.”

The narrowing of her eyes turns into a slow grin. “Meet me out back.”

Alex inclines his head at her as she walks out of the bar. He looks over at Rosa, but she already know, and nods as she moves closer to where Maria is, who smiles reassuringly at Alex. He smiles back before he turns to walk out after Isobel.

“Alex?” He stops. “Influence will take care of you. Don’t be afraid.”

He nods in Maria’s direction as he walks out.

He’s not expecting Influence to already be standing in full attire besides his car. The white, skin tight costume is paired with white boots today, the black accents gleaming in the light.

“A cape?” He asks, referring to the long, white leather cape attached to Influence’s shoulders.

“What? You told me it would look good.”

“That I did.” He grins. “It looks amazing.””

Influence grins back at him as she gestures to the car. He unlocks it, and gets in on the drivers side. She’s impatient, but he understands. He still has much to learn about Cowboy, and Influence. He knows Isobel Evans from the court cases he’s reported on. He doesn’t know the Super.

He also knows that they don’t have time to learn things now but he knows he wants to eventually. Both as a Super and whoever she is to Cowboy. And Maria. And Rosa.

“What do you need from me?” He also likes how direct an on point she is.

“Influence them. Get me in the door, then you can find Cowboy and get him out. I’ll handle the rest.”

“You want me to leave you there?!?”

“You’re not leaving me. You’re doing what I need you to do. I’ll get myself out.”

“Alex-”

“Don’t worry.” He grips the wheel tighter. “I won’t make the same mistake again.”

He can feel Isobel disapprove, but he doesn’t care. He came there for Cowboy, and Cowboy will be getting out. He has his own exit strategy.

The rest of the ride is spent in silence. He knows exactly where the Russian compound is, which building Cowboy would’ve been stupid enough to break into. The diamond storage is a nickname in the underground, but it’s also exactly what it is. While there might not be all that many stones there, all the information is there. And he has exactly what he needs to get out, provided Influence can get him in.

“We’re here,” he says as they arrive at the storage building the Russians guard with their life if they have to. He parks outside and gets out, already aware of the twelve pairs of eyes following them.

“Showtime,” he murmurs to Influence as she joins him, and walks forward as if he owns the place. And in a way he does, he is a Manes after all.

But no one stops them, and as he looks over to Isobel he can understand why. Her eyes are closed, even as she’s walking forward as if her eyes were open. The guards fall into place, they move aside, they open the door for him as he walks up to it. The commotion inside quiets as he walks in, Influence on his heel. He’s seen her work before. But this, is impressive. It’s even more impressive as she opens her eyes and still people stay where they are.

“What. Is the meaning of this.”

The burliest Russian Alex has ever seen gets up from the table set in the outer part of the building. He gives a subtle nod to Influence who gives him one last long look before she moves off, almost as if no one can see her. As if they’ve forgotten she’s there.

“Mr. Serkoff, I presume. My name is Alex Manes.” He’s delighted to see that everyone freezes when they hear the last name. “I’m here to collect for my father.”

“The drop-off is tomorrow.”

“No. The collect is now. Nasty business with the senator last week, Mr Serkoff, the collect needs to happen now.” Finding the senator that had been accepting donations from the Russian mob was the golden goose. Having his father’s name is the egg. “I was sent her by my father to get the stones. Do you really want to make him wait?”

“I will need to call and check.”

“Okay.” He waits until the phone is up off of Mr. Serkoff’s pocket and he’s started to dial. “If you want to disturb him this late, that’s on you.”

He doesn’t have to wait long after that for the diamonds to be delivered to him. A pouch of eight, perfect diamonds with the serial number taken off. He dreads what his father needs this for.

“Thank you, Mr. Serkoff. I’ll tell my father you co-operated, gracefully,” he says, nodding as the Russian as he turns and begins to walk out.

“Wait.”

He stops. Remembers the last time. Shakes his head minutely and pushes it from his mind. “Yes?”

“What about the cash?”

Alex looks at the russian over his shoulder. “That will be dealt with, keep it here for now.”

“You won’t take it with you?”

“No. Deliver that as planned tomorrow, I’ll take care off the diamonds.”

Mr. Serkoff narrows his eyes, but nods. And Alex is home free.

He keeps his breathing calm as he exits the building, keeps his breath calm as he gets into his car and starts it, keeps his breath calm as he exits the compound. It’s when he encounters Influence holding a bleeding Cowboy that he panics slightly.

“Is he okay?!?”

“He will be,” Influence says as she dumps a groaning Cowboy into the back of the car. “I need you to take us to the Pony, we have a doctor waiting there.”

“You have a doctor that takes care of Super’s?”

“Yes. We also have a healer but he’s out of town. So Dr. Valenti it is.”

He drives them back as quick as he can, calling Maria when he’s 10 minutes out as he always does so she can ring her Alex bell. It’s not until they’re inside the Pony, putting Cowboy on a table in the back room that he realizes what name Isobel said.

“Here, the idiot on the table asked me to give you this,” Influence says as she shoves a piece of paper in his hands. He sees the E on it before the door bursts open.

“What the hell did the idiot do now?”

And Alex watches as his old best friend, the man who sided with his dad and told him Super’s shouldn’t be allowed to roam the streets, walks into the room. He never expected this to be the way he would see Kyle again.

#roswell new mexico #malex fic #malex au #fic:vigilante au #alex manes #michael guerin #isobel evans #influence - isobel evans #maria deluca #rosa ortecho #kyle valenti #hints of maria/rosa #cowboy - michael guerin

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honvoyagediary · 5 years ago

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The Scramble Home

15th March 2020

We woke on the 15th March to a message from our Airbnb host in El Chalten, where we were due to travel to in the afternoon, telling us that Argentina had closed all of its national parks indefinitely due to Coronavirus. From what we we could see online, El Chalten is a town even smaller than El Calafate, where internet connection and phone coverage is poor. With the only activity to do in the town being trekking in the now closed national park and with rumors of an impending national quarantine looming, we decided we were better off staying put in El Calafate until we could get a 24 hour bus north to Bariloche, a city with better transport links and an easier route to Chile should we need it. It was also partly in keeping with our traveling plan - we had no intention of coming home at this point and booked the bus for Tuesday 17th.

Later that day Argentina announced it was closing its borders to all non-residents and canceling all flights from America and Europe, which would have a subsequent knock on effect on flights going in the other direction. The mood had changed in El Calafate and looking at the global reaction to Coronavirus we started conversations about potentially going home - these conversations centered around the fact that it was looking increasingly likely that travel would be disrupted and even if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be able to see and do the things we wanted to. After discussing with our parents Honor and I ultimately came to the decision that we should go home, although we were still unsure whether this was the right choice. We had found a new Airbnb earlier in the day and went to bed that night with the intention of arranging our route home in the morning.

16th March 2020

We spent the morning googling various options to get home, all via Chile as the last flight from Argentina to the UK was leaving from Buenos Aires in the afternoon. The quickest route appeared to be to head back the way we’d came as far as Punta Arenas, fly to Santiago and then to the UK. We calculated that we could be in Santiago by Thursday 19th and booked on a British Airways flight for Friday the 20th - a flight that would actually take us to São Paulo first (with LATAM) and then London. The first step of our plan was to get the bus from El Calafate to Puerto Natales back in Chile. There was a bus leaving in the evening so we booked on it and killed time in El Calafate.

We arrived at the bus station to 15-20 people who looked as though their travel plans had not gone smoothly - distressed faces and frantic phone checking/calls. We checked with our bus company to find out that because the company was based in Chile they were unable to get the coach across the border into Argentina and then take us back again. The woman told us that the bus was cancelled but that if we were quick we could book on a bus with the company next door who were Argentinian and should therefore have no issues with the border crossings - the next bus was first thing in the morning and we managaed to get tickets.

While this was ongoing we overheard an American group who were discussing the fact that their travel agencies had told them to “get out of Argentina as soon as possible”. The UK Government website was now stating the same so our decision to come home was starting to look like the right one. We also learned while at the bus station that Chile had announced it was going to close its borders on Wednesday 18th. With our bus being scheduled for the 17th we felt quietly confident we’d at least make it back to Chile in the morning.

17th March 2020

Arriving at the bus station at 6am we were greeted with about 30 people frantically checking their phones and looking far more distressed than yesterday - not a good sign. We checked with the bus company who confirmed to us that the bus was cancelled. The company had been called late in the night and told that the Chilean border was closing early, at midnight, and if they attempt to cross with the coach they will not be allowed to pass. They told us the situation may be different for lone travelers if we got a taxi to the border and refunded us our money.

Our options were now limited to either staying put in El Calafate or trying to get a flight to Buenos Aires and then to São Paulo to meet the British Airways flight we had booked. As it stood, Brazil was still operating normally but we had so far disregarded going to Buenos Aires and therefore staying longer in Argentina due to the threat of national quarantine, the lack of onward flights from Argentina, the constant threat of Argentinian transport cancellations and the fact that (in theory!) getting to Chile was an easy, well trodden route. We joined those frantically searching things on their phones and tried to book flights from the small airport in El Calafate to Buenos Aires. Unsurprisingly we failed to book these flights as the airline websites refused to accept payment.

We went back to our Airbnb and briefly, although seriously, considered a third option - traveling to the Chilean border by taxi and risking the border crossing. The taxi would have been two hours and over £100, with the propspect of leaving us desserted in the middle of nowhere if Chile did not let us in, so we dismissed it and opted to go the airport in the hope of booking a flight to Buenos Aires.

The airport was full of people trying to get home and we each joined different queues for different airlines. My queue traveled the quickest while Honors didn’t move at all, I reached the front and got told to join another queue, perfect. My second queue thankfully moved quickly and I eventually bought two tickets for a waiting list - we were to wait in the airport and hope that our names would be called out. Luckily for Honor, her name was read out as the next available flight was due to start bording. My name was omitted. We queried with one of the airport staff who investigated and returned with the news that there was room for me too - I’m sure Honor wouldn’t have deserted me!?

We landed in Buenos Aires and investigated onward flights to São Paulo. LATAM couldn’t change the ticket we had booked from Santiago as it was booked through British Airways so we had to purchase new tickets for the next morning - more money than we were comfortable spending but with the constant risk of cancelation we had to turn a blind eye to our flaming debit cards rather than wait for the cheaper options. The LATAM woman informed us she had sorted the flights “from here to São Paolo” and we arranged a nights stay at a nearby hotel.

18th March 2020

Another early start after about four hours sleep between us. We got a taxi back to the airport and hit our first snag of the day as we viewed the departures board - our flight wasn’t there. We checked with a LATAM employee who told us we were at the wrong airport. It turned out that when the woman last night said “from here” she meant Buenos Aries and not the specific airport. We quickly got a taxi and lucked out with the taxi driver who seemed to make it his own personal mission to get us there on time.

We checked in at the correct airport and waited in departures. People in masks were all around us, medical personnel were checking arrival flights in full personal protection equipment, we were tired and we were stressed. Thankfully the plane did not get canceled and although departure was a little late, we were just happy to have completed another step.

At the airport in São Paolo we went straight to the British Airways desk to see if we could update our flight to take us that evening rather than making us wait a day. A British couple told us that the desk was closed and we’d have to wait until midday for it to open. Despite the bad news it was at least nice to hear a British accent - we spent the next couple of hours in the queue chatting to our new friends.

The desk opened and the plane change went without issue or further charge. The tickets felt like gold dust and we quickly got through security. We ordered a couple of drinks in departures and managed to relax for the first time in a few days.

As a somewhat nervous flyer I had never been so happy to hear the words “welcome on board”, with the British accent making it all the better!

19th March 2020

The plane landed at Heathrow at about 6am and we confirmed to our parents that we’d made it. Our next step was to get to Leeds so we could pick up Honor’s car from Connie (Honor’s sister). The train journey went smoothly (rush hour in London was eerily quiet) and we picked up the car early in the afternoon.

We were treated that night to a room in the Timble Inn which had by far the comfiest bed of our two month journey and some very comforting food.

20th March 2020

The final leg! We filled up on full English breakfasts before setting off on the drive to Heysham to get the afternoon sailing home. We were hit with a strange range of emotions as we were sad that we’d had to finish our journey early but equally relieved to have made it home.

We checked in at Heysham and felt comforted by the sight of the boat waiting ready to take us home. Four and a bit hours later and we’d made it back onto Manx soil! We would love to finish our journey in hopefully the not too distant future, but right now, just like everybody else, we’re waiting for all this to blow over in self isolation.

- Ricky

After a somewhat gloomy post, here is my “1 Second Everyday” video - a one second clip from everyday of our journey, enjoy!

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thong-in-the-twist · 7 years ago

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Timble 20화

1화 2화 3화 4화 5화 6화 7화 8화 9화 10화 11화 12화 13화 14화 15화 16화17화 18화 19화 20화 21화

“My Lady, please, drink this.”

The talisman was burned. All those weeks you’ve became used to it, hanging on the wall, and it was surreal to see it removed and carefully burned in the candle light.

Nurse brings you a cup of water, and you try not to think about the grayish liquid, choosing to believe that it will bring you a quick and easy birth. Nurse reminds you that horse reigns above your head are there for you to grab on, each finished with a small figurine – one resembling a sea horse, and the other one a bird. There are also believed to be birth accelerators.

Once again you are instructed that when your child is born, you have to let go of the figurines.

You know that, you’ve heard it so many times before.

You are laying on your birthing bed, looking idly into the ceiling, where the horse reigns are, waiting for it to happen.

It comes with pain. The first cramp is swift and sudden, sending you into a shock. Immediately delicate hands guide yours to horse reigns, and you grab them, already breathing heavily. It’s more because of the fear, than because of pain.

It comes with lots of pain. That you’ve heard, and that you were prepared for, but the way your body reacts, is not a thing you expected. Your hand are white on the reigns, and you don’t see nurses, quiet shadows circling around you, nor you hear the encouragements repeated over and over again, like a mantra.

Your eyes are squeezed shut, as the wave of pain comes. Cramps come like that: in waves. The intensity varies, the pain varies as well, but the pulling and squeezing of your insides doesn’t. It’s a really weird and extremely painful experience, as with cramp after cramp your body seems to be trying to force out not only your child, but the rest of your insides as well.

You can feel piercing pain in your lower back, and it discourages you, but it also makes you want to get over with it, to just make it stop.

Except for the nurses you are alone. Men are outside, your maids are outside, you don’t even know if King is there, waiting for his child.

You are sweating a lot, your perspiration sinking into your bedspread, and with new wave of pain, you open your eyes. You are looking around, eyes lost, and there are hands on your face, and then there is a face in your vision.

She is talking to you, but you don’t know what.

The pain is immense, but you mostly grunt and wheeze, fingernails breaking on the figurines. The first time you scream is late, when the head crowns.

You are lost in your own body, so you only realize that it’s done, when foreign hands pry your fingers from the reign – your arms cramp when your hands fall to your sides. You look around lost, and the only thing you see are nurses, gathering in the legs of your bedspread.

They are quiet, but you can recognize the fear on leading nurse’s face.

“What…” Your voice is inaudible, throat dry, and you have to stop and try again. “What is happening?”

No one seems to have heard you, and it alarms you, and although weak, you try to sit up, arms giving up from under you. Nurses are all gathered together, eyes focused down, and the lead nurse has her eyebrows furrowed.

“What happened?!” You ask again, now piercing fear grabbing your heart.

“My Lady…” Starts one of the nurses, but her voice falls down, and your eye jump from one nurse to another.

Suddenly, the leading nurse, exhales harshly, arm snapping where you can’t see it, and you can hear loud, disgruntled cry, which turns in a whole litany, a young child scolding everyone around for not taking proper care of it.

You fall down, now lifeless, powerless. You were so sure it was still born. You were so sure, fate decided to make you suffer once more.

You close your eyes, listening to the crying, feeling how your own tears gather in your own eyes.

“My Lady.” You can hear the soft voice of Woo Palace Lady, she was probably allowed inside, when it was over. “It’s a prince.”

It takes really long time before you are allowed to even hold your son. It takes even longer time before you are allowed to be seen by his father.

But he prepared you a gift, a beautiful, much welcomed gift. Woo Palace Lady is the one to bring the news of it to you.

“Lady, King issued an order just after you gave birth. Would you like to hear it?” She asks voice weird, and you nod, eyes focused on the little bundle at your side. You can’t even touch him.

Yet.

“‘The royal first son was born today at hour of dragon. Let all affairs in every responsible unit be carried out according to the proper ritual.’” Recites Woo Palace Lady, and your eyes snap up. You can see that under her firm, professional mask, there are playful sparkles in her eyes. Now you understand why her voice sounded weird – she was delighted.

And you could understand that. It wasn’t your first time hearing this order. You’ve heard it one year and one day ago, when Queen gave birth to her son. This order is only ever issued when the first son is born. For any other child the order was different. Instead of the second part there should be “inform a palace dispensary.”

You try to keep your voice even, and you nearly don’t notice the soft sound that bundle makes.

“Did… Did the King go the Royal Ancestral Temple?” You ask, hearing the blood pumping in your ears.

“Yes, my Lady.” Answers your maid, and you have to stop yourself from doing something indecent. “And just a moment ago officials offered congratulations to him in the main audience hall.”

You suck your lips into your mouth, biting hard, knowing that this way you want leave teeth marks on your skin, and you look up. The boy is barely three hours old, and he is already what you imagined him to be – your pillar, your shield and your sword.

King just did a thing, that though not unthinkable, quite frowned upon. He had his first born son. He already issued that order last year, he visited Royal Ancestral Temple to notify his ancestors of his firstborn son, he received congratulations from officials. It should be performed only once, as there was only one firstborn son.

But Lee Seon, his firstborn, was dead. So your son is the oldest son to the King, and since he is the heir to his father from the moment he was born, he is a firstborn.

Because there is no boy older than him, coming from King’s blood.

Your son is not yet named the heir to the throne, he is not yet allowed to wear the title of crown prince and wear the black hanbok. That part has to wait, until he is old enough to prove that he will survive. One hundred days in front of you – one hundred days to gather your strength, and to gather your allies, because you know that as soon as the One Hundred Days Celebration is over – the fight will begin.

And for now your enemies, with Queen and Queen Dowager as their leaders, will be quiet, plotting and hoping for your son to die. Even before you went into labor you ensured that during those one hundred days there will be shamanic rituals carried out every day to repel curses and illnesses from the boy.

But for now you are safe, still guarded by objects in birthing chamber. You have seven days till you’ll be allowed to go out – seven days of rituals and rites, to ensure long and prosperous life for your son and (on the side) for you.

It doesn’t matter – you know that as long as the boy is safe, you are safe and guarded.

Your eyes fall to the bundle, and you wish you could hold him. In three days. In three days you are both going to be washed, and you’ll be finally able to hold your boy, and whisper all the great plans you have for him in his ear, so he can grown strong and able to reach for all the things that belong to him by law.

The boy turns, and you only see the dark hairs on the top of his head, and you smile, your heart swelling.

Because you did it. You have a son. You gave birth to a young dragon, in the hour of the dragon, in the first day of the year of the dragon – a young dragon, that will guard you and that will bring you the treasure. That is by right – his.

Twenty chapters for this to finally happen. Damn, that is one long scenario.

Anyway, question time - what do you want the name for the son to be?

#period: Joseon #joseon au #optional bias scenario #optional bias scenarios #optional bias imagine #optional bias #exo scenarios #exo scenario #exo imagines #exo imagine

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sweetsunrayssr · 8 years ago

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Cameron’s Pilgrim

Spoiler warning S4 Halt and Catch Fire, until 4X05

I’ve read recaps and comments about Cameron’s choices , words and actions, and I would like to contrast it with my understanding of what 4x05 “Nowhere Man” revealed.

The first half of S4 we are kept much in the dark about what’s going on with Cameron. We just mostly know how it appears to Joe, Bos and Gordon. Joe thinks she’s searching for something out there, to reinvent herself. Gordon - the outdoor man who loves camping - calls it 2 giants living on a timble. Bos jokes about space bikes. Nobody takes it seriously, just like Donna didn’t take Cam seriously and thought of her as an impulsive child in S3, but it turned out that junior had married, bought a house and had worked on a better solution than credit cards even. And the reveal about Cam’s game Pilgrim in 4x05 suggests that Cam knows why she bought the land, the airstream and why she wants Joe to make love to her there. Cameron is the sole person who is not “searching”. Instead, she wants her loved ones and especially Joe to find and understand her. If Joe was the mystery man throughout the seasons, Cameron was the mystery woman.

From her conversation with Bos in S1, we know that Cameron always had communication issues, especially when it involves her feelings. It’s not something she will just grow out of. Discovering the program language Basic helped her find a language to communicate. She’s a coder and thus her language, communication and actions are coded. More, especially the S1 episode where she pitches her OS idea to Joe as wanting to make people fall in love with the machine, while holding a toy up, it becomes rapidly clear that toys and games are her tools of connection and communication. It is how she reaches out to people and reveals something about herself.

Cameron is at odds with Gordon for 2 seasons, until they start to play Nintendo together.

Bos rarely understands her games, but he tries (love that moment when he asks the coder monkeys to help him get out of the damned cave), and he knows the games she develops tend to be about her.

Donna and Cameron have a stellar working-friend relationship, but the misunderstandings begin to heap up once Donna’s chat pushes Cameron’s games out of Mutiny, until eventually Donna pushes Cameron herself out of Mutiny.

Her relationship with Tom hits off while they play a physical shooter game and work together on making a virtual/digital version of it.

The particular scene where she pitches the OS idea to Joe while holding the puppet in S1 is Cameron actually revealing that she wants to make him fall in love with her, or how she can fall in love with him.

Joe is rewarded with a passionate night with her at Comdex 90 (and unbeknownst to him at the time her heart), when he figured out the lighter game.

When viewers and her friends and lover regard her airstream as a childish game, they not only sell her short, but expect Cameron to just grow out of her communication handicap. She will always need these tools. She is not immature, or lost to herself. She is trying to show and communicate something. Her heartbreak and disappointment over nobody figuring out her message via her Pilgrim game, not even Joe, is not so much about professional failure but her failure to communicate her soul, heart and vision adequately. Cecil commenting that not even he can explain her coding work to connect his rudimentary code to her solution and it is at another level entirely emphasizes this.

Her isolation in the airstream is a physical manifestation of Cameron’s communicative isolation. But it does not mean she has stopped trying to communicate the same message she put into Pilgrim. Instead of making a “new digital game”, she uses an entirely different medium: Cameron uses material tools and physically tangible items. So, when Joe told her to move on from the Pilgrim failure and make a new game out of nothing, Cameron actually took his advice. She just did it with real world items, like a builder, which is quite unprecedented for her, way out of her comfort zone.

And she picked these new tools for Joe. He took the step in S3 to learn BASIC code, telling her that even if he might never be great at it, he is not unteachable. He loves HTTP and HTML because it’s such an elegant, simple code that almost anyone can learn and use to make something out of nothing.

Joe’s personal coding of expressing himself isn’t programming code though, but metaphors: the browser is a stadium or a doorway and HTTP is the roseta stone.

Simple, real world, physical items. He is a physical guy:

swinging bats to hit for the fences and breaking the bat when he feels betrayed by his father.

Hitting a car with a sledge hammer to turn her on and show her he’s a prime specimen in great shape

Using a low voltage live current to turn her on

Using torches to shoot for the stars and dispel a hurricane

Immolating a shipment of empty, soulless portable computers (after Gordon tried to compliment Joe that the Giant was like him)

He wins her heart with lighters

He betrays his passion, his love and need for her at Comdex 90 in a very physical way

He waits for her for years in a basement, where they used to have sex

Her message hasn’t changed. She’s very much trying to use Joe’s metaphorical language, initially in Pilgrim, because she was 5000 miles away from him, and when that fails she uses the physical world to show him those metaphors. Pilgrim and the airstream are Cameron’s mixtape for Joe.

Let us look at the evidence of my claims above, and I’ll start with Pilgrim and what Donna discovers about it:

Joe says he was once on TV as a “pilgrim” over the phone reconnection. And thus overall Joe is the intended “pilgrim” in Cameron’s game.

The pilgrim is a blue man. Joe started out at IBM, called Big Blue, and IBM men usually wore blue suits.

Donna clicks the “key” item in the menu when she starts the game. In other words, the path and the discovery is a crucial “key” to understanding the game and consequentially Cameron.

The avatar reaches an area with what looks like flames in the air. I’ve read recaps and reviews who think those orange-brown things flying in the air are broken pieces of the puzzle, but I’ve watched every previous image of the game and it has nothing to do with the puzzle. I think the things flying in the air that the avatar eventually climbs are meant to be “flames”. In other words, they are a different version of the lighters that Joe and Cameron play around with at Comdex 90 where their relationship and passion was “rekindled”.

Gordon is feeding his journals to the flames

PJ Harvey’s lyrics

The series title “Halt and Catch Fire”

The avatar hits some type of invisible “airstream”, taking it off balance.

The avatar must climb upwards into the sky or towards the stars where the airstream and flames were, not walk forward towards a future which is just another crappy version of the present to Cam.

There’s a flash of light and the pilgrim reappears at this empty space of light (star level). Only Joe’s arc has had a similar scene happening in S3, what I think of as a “rebirth” scene.

We see a shooting star landing on an island or continent with a 2D image of the avatar stamped on it. This is the place where the pilgrim gets to actually play the game. And it is highly likely related to the Shangri-La (magical land) concept that Joe wrote a letter about to both Gordon and Cameron. Only Gordon confirmed in S2 that he read the letter. Cam refrained to answer Joe about it. The map and land though suggests that Cameron read the letter.

Then 8 crystals or starlight emanating shards appear (”jewels”). Each acts as a “doorway” to a partition of the island/continent, and immediately transports (like Star Trek) the avatar into that piece of the map. Cameron called the airstream a “jewel” to sweep Joe off his feet into a magical land.

The doorway that Donna chose to transport with landed her in the SW of the island, and a Japanese winter garden with a shrine in the middle of Tokyo (you can see dark skyscrapers in the background), emanating warm welcoming light and surrounding torches. The only person Cameron mentioned a shrine in a spiritual sense to was Joe.

Cameron herself says it’s not just a game you play, but a game you live.

All evidence points to the pilgrim meant to be Joe, rather than Cameron. The island and continent represents Cameron herself. Unlike what some reviewers claim, Cameron doesn’t need to be put together or fixed, since the continent is whole already. What she needs and desires is for her pilgrim to explore her completely. And her comment about the game being something you live suggests the game is meant to represent life or a lifetime exploration. In a romantic sense Pilgrim is Cam’s proposal to Joe, not unlike Gordon’s decoder engagement ring for Donna.

There is the addition that even if the pilgrim misses the clue to climb the flames, but instead stays on ground zero, getting himself distracted by picking up treasures and completing puzzles, he gets transported back to the beginning, to try again and find the airstream of flames. Cameron drops that hint to Joe when he calls her up about the game. If this is about Joe, as I claim it is, then Cameron is trying to say she’ll wait for him until he figures it out. She’s not going anyplace else.

At an instinctual level, Joe does get that the game Pilgrim is a means of connection between them. He plays it and calls her up when he gets sent back to the “start”. And when she mentions how beautiful the moon is in San Jose, Joe looks at the Pilgrim avatar on his screen and decides to spend the night with her in San Jose. He understood the indirect invitation then.

But nobody gets the game and it gets pulled from publication. Cam says dejected that even Joe doesn’t like her game, while he reassures her he hasn’t finished the game yet. As he then also advises her to “move on” and keep making other games, she retreats to be by herself. If of course, the game represents the lifetime she imagines for herself with Joe, he unwittingly disappoints her by mentioning “finishing the game” and “moving on”. What we have here thematically is “lost in translation”, which is of course a book and movie set in Japan. Joe assumes things about her and the game that are erroneous, including the belief she forgot and stopped caring about them while making this game, as he claims during his camping with Gordon in the season opener. Notice how that tent is beautifully lit in the darkness like a beacon in that camping scene, and just a material iteration of the warmly lit shrine in the Japanese garden in Pilgrim in 4x05.

After playing “doom” and Gordon telling her that the purpose of the game “is not to get killed”, she returns and “unpacks” by throwing her Japanese past with Tom in the bins, doing what Joe asked her to do, but in her own way. And after that she buys the bike, messes around with hardware, rides around the country. Gordon and Bos later make the link to it being a materialization of the “space bike”. Space Bike was a game about Cameron’s values and talents: she can make herself big or small, befitting the environment (proportion), sense of humor, sense of self, decency and the latter leads to common sense. But the bad-ass chick on the Space Bike is homeless and unbound, forever traveling from one planet to the next, only requiring drinks and a shower. Instead of doing it virtually, Cameron now tries to materialize this.

While she rides her Space Bike she discovers a plot of beautiful land with a sign that says “If you lived here you’d be home now”. And come on, it’s a very beautiful piece of land in that discovery shot, has a fairytale or magical quality to it. And the sign has three key words: live, home, and now (instead of the future). Whatever she eventually would end up building there for a house, it has the ideal potential to be whatever Joe and Cam could want it to be. Think of the scene between Joe and Ryan in S3 in the basement of Macmillan Utility where Joe intends to set up the local network connected to NSFNET. So, she buys the land, but instead of hiring an architect and immediately get contractors to build something on it, she pretty much leaves it in its ideal state of a blank slate full of potential. Is that wrong? Of course not. She shouldn’t be deciding what the permanent form ought to be by herself. Joe should be part of its creation, so that their mutual vision can be part of the walls and lay-out. On top of that, even if Joe has asked her to move in with him, she’s still not officially divorced and they haven’t discussed the form of their relationship, nor said “I love you.”

It’s actually surprising a little that Joe doesn’t totally get that or hates it out there. He did hike up to the Observatory in Texas once via scenic route at the end of S1 a decade before that, walking into Sarah’s life. He’s a stargazer, right? And yet at the start of S4 he can’t see the moon from his home, blocked by a hill. Also, with that wool sweater and her long auburn hair in this phase of S4, Cam reminds somewhat of Sarah.

Anyway, instead of building a house all by herself on the plot, Cam buys the airstream. To the owner who sells it to her, with Joe standing right there, Cam explains it’s a temporary solution, before something “permanent” can be “built” there. We are introduced to the onthologist in the same episode who stipulates how one word can have different meanings, using “bark” as an example. The word “airstream” can be an airstream trailer, but it is also a change in the air caused by heat as it does in the game Pilgrim. Cam reveals she used to play in the airstream with her friend in her youth, and Joe asks her what she’d play in it then. “Airstream,” she answers. Here is Cam’s second hint to Joe how he can play the Pilgrim game. Oh, and she calls it “perfect”, which was the word of understanding between Joe and Ryan.

As they try the bed out, Joe asks her why she wants him to consider the AOL money. And she replies it would give him more time spend time with her, mentions “human touch”. He asks her whether the long trailer means she’s moving out, to which she immediately replies, “No,” and clarifies, “She’s trying to buy this jewel to sweep him away to a magical land”. This is her third game hint: the jewels, sweeping him into the air, and a magical land.

She takes the trailer out there, builds a hearth and puts up some lights in the air that have the form of “flames”. This is Cam’s 4th hint. Watch her face of disappointment when neither Bos, Gordon or Joe take much notice of it.

These are not just all hints. They are her material recreation of Pilgrim. And here follows the clue that Pilgrim was created for Joe and her fantasy of the two of them while stuck, isolated in a doomed marriage at the other side of the world: she’s all happy when Joe promises he wouldn’t want to miss out on his first night with her in that honeymoon bed, but she is near to tears when Joe fell asleep on her.

Instead of Joe actually visiting the airstream to find her and be with her there, even if just for a night and make love to her there, we’ve seen two other character seek her out at the airstream: Bos and Tom. Bos goes out there to help her out with her plumbing and tells her he’s proud of her getting out of her comfort zone. She discovers his compass, and he reveals his money trouble, and she is the sole person who helps him out, on the condition it’s a one-time gift. Tom goes out there to get the divorce papers signed, gifts her the solution to the noise mystery in their apartment back in Japan and she apologizes to him for the pain she put him through and says her goodbye to him.

So, Joe… Why is he blind and tonedeaf to what she’s actually trying to do out there in her “space trailer”. Basically he’s doing the same thing the Japanese did with their shrine – rebuilding the original process.

Team up with Gordon and bring Cameron into the business

Connect with Cameron in the basement, which in the past was the first location both in the bar and at Cardiff where they had their first sexual encounters. It’s where he waits for her for 4 years. The basement at Westgroup is also where he had the time-sharing idea, to then team-up with Gordon and eventually have a “hands-on” business relationship with Mutiny and Cameron. The number of first downloads of the bugged browser “loadstar” is after all 69, which is a quite famous number for sexual position.

Give her a key to his apartment to come over whenever she wants and needs to

We as viewers can empathize with Joe trying to recreate the environment and circumstances that brought them together originally as well as how frustrating it is for him to have Cameron refuse to step into business with him, while she shares his bed. Joe Macmillan isn’t the manipulative cutthroat anymore that he was in S1 and so he naturally believes that if he works with Cameron this time, now that they have reconnected, they could pull it off. His work is his life and he wants and hopes to include Cameron in that. He tangibly looks forward to working with her again, since the S3 finale. She’s his muse after all.

But she steadfastly refuses this, and Joe clearly doesn’t know what to do with it. For a big part that is because this is how he goes about it with anyone he connects with and can be himself, by working with them – Simon, Gordon, Cameron, Haley. He even tries that angle with Joanie. It’s so fundamental to him to have a working relationship with the people he admires or tries to include, that he expresses how clueless he is where his relationship with Cam is going to Gordon, in a subtextual manner in 4x05. He asked her to help him with Comet, she refused and fled to the airstream, he smashes the wok, goes all S1 Joe on Gordon the next day until Gordon orders him to take a fresh breath of air. Then when he comes back with a newly bought wok (while Cam is opening a box with a wok she bought too), Gordon mentions that Cam is on the phone line. Joe says he doesn’t even know which problem he’s trying to solve. How he was in the basement for 3 years (aka waiting for Cam to choose him over Tom and come back into his life), he finally has his arms around “it” (Cam again), but now he can’t see it anymore. As Gordon asks Joe whether they’re talking about the future here again, Joe says he should call Cam again. Gordon then asks him about whether Joe saw this (Comet) ten years ago in Gordon’s garage. To which Joe explains it was not about where it would end up, but knowing the feeling of working together. He could envision how it would feel to work with Gordon, and we can infer how Joe envisioned that working with Cam would turn him on completely. He does not know what it would be like to share a life with Cam without working together. That is why he says he has been beyond patient with her. He’s been waiting for her to show up at Comet one day and agree to be part of the team, and to prove to her she can trust him as a business partner.

Meanwhile he’s also insecure and unsure about Tom. His gut always told him to never regard Tom as a true rival to the intensity that Joe and Cam had even when separated in S2, nor in S3. Where Joe is a grown man, Tom looks like a kid, and conservative to boot too. He very much regarded Tom as Cam’s mistake like he mistakenly sought a replacement in Sarah, and the night at Comdex 90 and the www project would make her see “the light”. But it didn’t turn out as he expected it would. Cam did the decent thing – stick to the marriage - with the man he believes is wrong for her. We can see how afraid he is of what she wants to tell him that is so urgent she asked him to pull over the car, when she reveals she saw Tom that day. Joe sags his head and closes his eyes. It’s as if he fears that Tom and her reconciled. After all, Cam stuck with Tom outwardly in the way Sarah didn’t stick with Joe. The “facts” seem to prove to Joe that his gut was wrong about it all.

Basically, Joe is afraid to lose her and too afraid to upset her or have an actual fight with her. And when that first fight occurred, he doesn’t know what will come next.

But none of the facts are what they seem. It turns out that his gut about Cameron’s feelings for him trumping those for Tom was correct. It turns out that she waited for Tom to leave her voluntarily, that she loves Joe, and thus that she wanted to be with him since 90 as much as he wanted her to be with him. If he was miserable in the basement, she was miserable in an apartment in Tokyo, handcuffed by guilt to a husband (which is what the Stephen King book Geralds’s Game is a horror version parallel to) she wanted to leave, while denying happiness to herself. (incidentally Gerald’s Game has a “space cowboy” in it, but he’s a necrophiliac serial killer).

This sort of unhappiness though has its impact in the present, just in a different way than assumed. She’s not unhappy that Tom left her, has another woman or having a baby. But what is important to recognize is that Cameron basically denied herself almost completely for the last 4 years, and adapted herself to fit the needs and wants of Tom. Anyone who stayed too long in an unhappy match, denying their own wants and needs, will recognize that once free from such a relationship, one is bound to be very reluctant to move into what looks like a complete life of a new partner: Joe’s home, Joe’s work, Joe’s friends, Joe’s colleagues, Joe’s business partners. It doesn’t matter that Joe allows her to be who she is, endeavors to stimulate to do the things she loves or does not oppose her from doing her own thing even if he’s not a fan of it. She needs her own turf, see the people that Joe might regard as business rivals. It’s not enough for him to make room for her into his established life, and quite unhealthy for her to fit and mold herself to his.

It should be “their life”, and that is why it’s so important that he too needs to let go of his own comfort zone and try to immerse himself into this nowhere plot of land and airstream, and try to imagine what they could built together out there with “steel and concrete and building blocks”. I don’t think her intent is to fit and lock him into the airstream, but to “play airstream” where they can brainstorm and fantasize what type of life they want to build together, while she “plays house” in his apartment simultaneously. And if he does that, she might even surprise him how much she’s willing to compromise.

When he asked her over breakfast in 4x02 whether she knows what she wants, she looks up and stares at “him”. When he tells her over the phone he wants to know her in his life, she makes a little silent fist of victory. And by 4x05 she tells him she loves him.

So, unlike others, I disagree that Cam should just quit her “games”, “grow up” and “move in” with Joe. Joe should not move into the trailer, but he should “play” and discover her there.

ETA: I’m not saying that Cam and Joe shouldn’t compromize. The “airstream” does not represent a permanent home, not even for Cam. What I’m saying is that a) Joe makes the error to regard it as Joe’s home vs trailer b) while Cam herself regards it as Joe’s home AND trailer to build a foundation and discover together what their life together might be like. She does live in his home too. Even people who know each other intimately, the worst and the best, for a decade, but wanting or hoping to establish a lifelong commitment for the first time after all that time, still need game-room to play around with ideas. 3x09, 4x02 phonecall and breakfast were perhaps their first three proper dates.

#halt and catch fire #jameron #cameron howe #joe macmillan #season 4 #airstream #pilgrim #cameron's game #all work and no play makes joe a dull boy #meta analysis #lost in translation #OPs

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