#well her along with willow's brand of causing problems

[badwolfwho1]

Season 6 Kendra+ Amy 👀

Okay so I can't remember if I started this wip as I was watching s6 or shortly after but broadly it was born of I don't really like the trio as villains, I get what they're going for and broadly they succeed at it but they're not for me. But what if instead of the trio but continuing on an of element of them being bit characters from the past but with some that I liked more?

I landed on Kendra, have her get accidentally caught in the Slayer Resurrection spell (we'll say she was buried in Sunnydale) beyond the obvious of we should've had more Kendra she'd serve great as a foil for Buffy especially in s6 for possibly the pinnacle of Buffy's repression arc y'know? And have Amy deratted earlier and she can serve as the obvious foil to Willow she should be, strip out the magic is drugs angle focus on the both of them use magic without really thinking and have disastrous unforseen consequences.

The two of them (Kendra and Amy) can compare notes over being broadly forgotten about (I mean I'd write it so that Buffy was deeply impacted by Kendra's death but still in the reality of it all that she didn't really outwardly show it in any way) and over similarly being dead for three years/being a rat for three years. Literally the first line I wrote for this was '“We’ve got a lot in common. See its funny, Kendra says she wishes she’d been a rat locked in a cage for three years and I wish I’d been dead!” Amy laughed loudly attracting attention from around the Bronze.' Anyway they definitely hook up, it's not good for either of them but they are both there, Kendra's suffering from severe lack of direction post resurrection to contrast with the overwhelming responsibilities that Buffy's grappling with and Amy's got a sort of manic energy to her that's enough to drag her in a direction even if that direction is rarely good. But anyway here's the opening section I'm still quite happy with how the tone of it came out;

'This is a story about a Slayer.

She wakes up in a box.

She tries and fails to not panic. Which in of itself only leads her to panic more, she’s always held pride in suppressing her emotions, she doesn’t feel anything she’s claimed before. She’s never woken up in a box before. She screams, until her throat goes hoarse, which feels like it takes an eternity.

She punches the roof of the box. It should be tough, she doesn’t have much room to work with and her muscles feel stiff as if she hasn’t moved them in weeks. Still she proves to be much tougher when she punches clean through the wooden ceiling of the box for her efforts soil immediately begins pour through the opening she’s made. She’s been buried alive she thinks, incorrectly as she’ll find out later but not unreasonably. She forces down the panic she’s been feeling since she awoke, she knows enough of where she is, what has happened to her and what she needs to do.

She needs to climb. So she climbs, breaking more of the box, the coffin she’s in, forcing her way upwards through the soil that’s in her way. Trying and failing to keep it all out of her mouth and nose as she climbs out of what must be her own grave, but through it all she rises and doesn’t stop until she reaches the surface, before allowing herself to spend a moment taking in the fresh air and comparative brightness of the night sky.

She looks at the headstone of the grave she’s crawled out of, studies it. She doesn’t recognise the name. Not all of it at least.

Kendra Young

1981-1998

She was one of a kind

Kendra, just Kendra is the only name she’s ever known. She’s never thought of herself as particularly unique either, just one link in a chain of many. Or just one headstone of many, she’s the only one who’s crawled out of her grave though.'

Alas despite being a WIP for quite a long time now, it's still only sitting at 2k words, really want to get back to this even more so talking about it here, I have an end game in mind and over time letting it rotate in my mind I have more of a direction of how to get there but there's still a lot of track between the beginning and that ending that I just don't know how to fill yet. But one final note on a scene I really want to write, Kendra finding out that Buffy's just been letting a vampire roam free around town for years, finding out from said vampire about the time Buffy just let Kendra's killer go for no reason (in Crush, not Becoming she had a very good reason in Becoming) and Buffy being too depressed to even put up a defence and them having a disastrous falling out over it.

[willow-salix]

This is going to be out of the blue and there's no need for a response to it, but I guess I feel like some of you deserve to get a peek behind my armour.

Facebook just gave me a memory from 7 years ago, showing me an album that I'd rather not see quite honestly, but you know when you're just drawn in even though you know it's against your better judgement? Yep, that was me just now.

The album is full of screenshots of the absolute shit ton of crap that I've had on the Internet over the years.

I was in the RP world for ten years, and in that time I was verbally and mentally attacked a lot, I was mentally abused, I was stalked, I was blamed for things I never did, I was used as a scapegoat for things I never did. I was the victim of unwarranted attacks that had my accounts deleted by fb so that I lost YEARS of writing.

I got my heart broken over and over again by people that claimed tk be my friends, people that claimed to love me but that were all too happy to dump me the second a better option came along. People that I sat up all night with, that I lost sleep over, that I went out of my way to help and support.

Some of them lied to me so throughly that they lied about who they were, where they lived, their job, their gender, their nationality, what other characters /accounts they had and everything else you could think of for over TWO years.

I've had one that claimed to be my best friend, sit on my couch, my actual couch, in my house and lie to my face. Lie to me and his long term partner and mother of his three kids that he wasnt cheating with a cheap bitch he met online (the third person he'd done it with I found out after) I only found out about her when she messaged me to tell me.

I stopped talking to him, after their friends started a smear campaign against me, and even then EVEN THEN, I talked it out and started talking to him again. But he turned it around and started blaming me and guilt tripping me again. So I cut him off. He stalked me. Like messaging my friend, posting things to me (actual letters through the mail) making new accounts to message me, buying new phone sims to call me. This was 6 years ago. He called me at the start of lockdown and left a message on my voicemail.

This man mentally abused me. He'd force me to talk to him when I had a problem and then he'd not like what I said, so he'd go silent and ignore me for up to three days, to the point that I'd worked myself up so much that I was apologising, that I was taking the blame for having feelings, only when he got that would he talk to me.

He was an alcoholic who worked in care if you can believe that, I supported him through him getting sober again, he still did all that to me.

I gave up on role play and let my character, my home, the one place I felt comfortable and safe, up. And I didn't go back for two years. I got talked around by someone, they made promises, I stupidly fell for it.

I then got used to bring their character back and to help them sort out storylines. I was then told they didn't want to work with me anymore because they had too much going on in their personal life, they blocked me and I then got screenshots that that had another writing partner already.

That broke me. That broke me and fandom and people and everything really.

I vowed never to go back.

Then I stumbled upon you lot. And I told myself not to get involved, not to start talking to anyone, not to start trusting again. Now look! Now bloody look!

I'm what... 500k + in a story that was never meant to be, I'm actually writing and collabing with people again and I have a character that I adore and feel just as comfortable with... And that is fucking scary.

It's sooooo scary. Like terrifying scary to me.

Because I'm having to trust again. Selene is like public property now, and I love how much everyone has accepted and adopted her and how they use her and write her too, that warms this cold, dead, suspicious heart of mine.

Because I can honestly say that Selene and John saved me and my sanity.

I am quite a sociable person, I love to chat to people and if I'm your friend I will go out of my way to do my best for you, to be there for you and to support you in every way I can. But I know I can be used and I dotn always see the bad in people. So I cut myself off and refused to allow myself to make friends again.

I was writing my novels and that was it. No interaction, no fun really. Then this loud mouthed witch blazed into my head, took one look at the spaceman and said "that one, he's mine, wrap him up I'll take him to go" and here she is.

They made writing fun again, they made it spontaneous and exciting, I suddenly had ideas again, people to talk to about the characters I love and it was hard. Because it was also good.

I had to trust the process, trust Selene.

But I'm also so wary. I'm wary that I'm gonna piss people off, that I'm going to annoy people with her and that people hate her. I know people don't like OCs' and I get major anxiety about that.

I've never had this amount of anxiety over stories before, never. Not my rp, not my novels, not the ones I did for class or competitions, nothing. This is singularly the most stressful writing I've ever done. Because these boys, they mean the world to me, they always have. They have always been my happy place since I was 5/6, they have always been my heart and home.

The problems I had in rp made me not like the books that I loved, the fandom I was in, because of peoples interpretations of the characters, the way they played them and the fact that they were so nasty to me. And I really really don't want that to happen here.

A few weeks ago I noticed that an account had bene set up that was clearly a piss take of me, of this account. And all the old fears and anxiety came rushing back. I instantly went running to Squiddy and Olliepig and basically tumbled around the group chat in a mess for a few minutes before I calmed down and realised what was going on and had a guess at who it could be.

But it's scary. Because I've been stalked, I've been badmouthed, I've had people make fake accounts of me to cause trouble, and it weighs on me.

Willow Salix is my author name, I had to choose that because my Pagan name (which I was writing under and still do on ff and a03) was too well known and my stalkers were reporting it every time I made a new account.

I had to come to love this name, come to see it as myself (willow is my actual real name btw) and feel comfortable with it. It's taken a long time, I've built my brand from it. I have five novels out under it. And to think of someone having an account with even a parody of that name gave me all sorts of chills.

I'm OK now, but yeah. Fun times.

So I guess... I just want people to talk to me. And I don't mean shine by ego lol, I mean that if I ever do anything to piss you off. If I ever say anything you don't like. If I ever annoy you with Selene or anything at all, PLEASE just come and talk to me.

I might put on a tough mask, and in general I am pretty hardy, but I'm a typical cancerian, hard outer shell, squishy inside.

Selene is my sanity in a home life that is far from easy, I won't go into major details but disabled husband, I'm a full time carer, he's majorly depressed and it's just... Yeah. Anyway, she's my refuge, she's my escape right now.

Actually making a side blog for her took so much guts, to allow her free rein to speak and act is scary as heck for me. Because I've been there and vowed to never go back.

The only good thing I took out of all my years of rp, apart from being able to make up a story pretty much on the spot, spontaneous replies, dialogue skills and character development, is my best friend in all the world @endellionaeternus who has seen it all and stuck by me through it all.

I have no real idea why I just typed all this, I guess I needed people to see where I'm coming from, and why Selene exists.

Yeah...

[anamuseinglife]

Iditapod: Rainy Pass, Race Rookies, and Rohn Axe-Throwing

[sound of an axe hitting wood]

[men cheering]

Discordant voices: Ayyy! That was it! That was it hitting the bullseye

[theme music plays]

Casey Groves: Welcome to the Iditapod! It’s a podcast about dog mushing and the Iditarod, and… axe throwing? We’ll get to that in a few minutes. But first, here’s a word from our sponsor

[ad plays]

CG: Well, my friends, since the last time we talked, the more than four dozen sled dogs teams competing in the 2019 Iditarod have mushed, or are mushing, into the mountainous Alaska range. When mushers say these are the most technical sections of the trail, they mean it is an area where mistakes can be especially dangerous, and expert sled driving is of the utmost importance.

So, the Rainy Pass checkpoint on the frozen alpine Puntilla Lake, is a spot many mushers stop to prepare for the often tough trail ahead. But, not last years second place finisher Nic Petit, who stayed only a few minutes, long enough for race officials and veterinarians to check out his team and gear. In fact, looking at Petit’s checkpoint times on Iditarod.com, he hasn’t stayed more than a few minutes at any checkpoint in the face, except for Rohn, where he stayed a whopping 20 minutes. Instead, Petit has opted, as mushers will do sometimes, to avoid the hubbub of the checkpoints and camp his team out along the trail. They pick up straw, they pick up supplies from their drops bags, and they take that along with them down the trail and just do their own thing. That’s why, after having the lead earlier in the race, severals teams passed Petit on the way from Rohn down to Nikolai. That is a village on the upper Kuskokwim River, roughly 250 miles into the 1000 mile race.

While Petit rested from Rohn to Nikolai, the race GPS tracker shows the defending champ, the Norwegian by way of Willow, Joar Leifseth Ulsom, passed Petit’s team, as did several others, including Bethel’s Pete Kaiser, Montanan Jessie Royer, and Two River’s musher Aliy Zirkle. Ulsom was the first to arrive in Nikolai a little after 6:30 Tuesday morning. And, remember, the race just started Sunday in Willow with the race clock ticking, at the restart, so they’re covering a lot of ground here very quickly, as they do. And we’re looking forward to hearing more about how it went for the team’s runs from Rainy Pass to Rohn and Nikolai. While the race reached Nikolai Tuesday morning, we’re going to go back to Rainy Pass, where as Iditarod mushers make their way over the Alaska range, they find the last checkpoint for supplies and a rest at the Rainy Pass Lodge on Puntilla Lake. As Alaska Public Media’s Zachariah Hughes reports, it’s a good place to pause, maybe reflect, and definitely to prepare before heading towards the most technical sections of the trail.

[sounds of dogs and supplies moving]

Zachariah Hughes: Sarah Stokey pulls onto Puntilla Lake with a team of dogs that has been gradually climbing the Alaska Range.

Sarah Stokey: Hi

Unknown Voices: Bib number?

SS: 52

Voice 1: Perfect. We’re going to give you your bags here

Voice 2: Are you going to stay or are you going to rest? SS: I’m going to stay

V1: She’s gonna stay, ok

ZH: Stokey grabs three heavy drop bags full of supplies, and parks her dogs for a rest. She’s in good company, except for Nic Petit and Pete Kaiser, who flew through mid-morning, almost all of the teams at the front of the pack are taking a break. Checkpoint at the Rainy Point Lodge has a festive atmosphere. Frozen lake is covered with planes and helicopters that bring tourists for day trips, the rustic wooden building is ringed with picturesque mountain peaks. It’s not where Matt Hall would have chosen to stop, but he wanted a veterinarian to check out a dog’s toenail problem.

Matt Hall: Little noisy, but they rest good.

ZH: Hall came off the Yukon Quest a few weeks ago, and likes camping out with his team beyond the hubbub of checkpoints, but he knows that enough teams are likely to stop here that he can keep toward the front of the pack.

MH: It’s definitely an advantage, being toward the front early on, just because of that, you know, you get 20,000 dog feet over it, and 50 sleds, and it starts getting softer and softer, then as the heat of the day comes on to.

ZH: Hard packed, smooth trail that gets punchy and pulverized after heavy traffic is slower and more effort for the dogs. In the cool, early hours before many mushers had gone over, Linwood Fiedler says the trail heading up toward the Rainy Pass checkpoint was something to behold.

LF: I don’t think I’ve ever seen it better. It’s certainly one of the best trails ever. Yeah, I mean, it’s the Iditarod trail, but boy it’s pretty good shape.

ZH: Fiedler also wants to take advantage of the midday warmth, rest his dogs while the bright sun and relative warmth soften the trail.

LF: It’s just gonna get warmer and warmer and warmer, when it’s like this, 5 degrees, going up makes a huge difference. I mean, it’s just, you can just see that team kind of wilt [laughs] I mean, they’re like a car with no antifreeze in the radiator

ZH: After the lodge, the route keeps going up, until it hits Rainy Pass itself, it weaves back and forth, over a river, enveloped by steep mountain peaks on both sides. This year, trail crews had to build 20 bridge crossings over sections of open water. From Puntilla Lake, it’s 35 miles up and through the pass to the Rohn checkpoint. It’s a kind of dog driving that requires some finesse.

Jessie Royer: I’d have to say, my team is pretty controlled anyways.

ZH: Jessie Royer is in a good mood as she straws her dogs. It’s not just the pass that’s challenging, she says, what follows is the drops and turns of the gorge, and the bumps of the tunnels. Royer’s approach is to rest and charge her dogs, before embarking on the hours over the pass, but keep them moving, winding down their power, until all the technical stretches are behind them.

JR: I don’t stop until we get out of it all, so I do it all in one run. Cause otherwise, if you don’t if you stop in Rohn, you’re leaving with a fresh team right away on the buffalo tunnels, which is even worse. Buffalo tunnels is always worse than the gorge.

ZH: It’s a stage in the race when there’s strategy not just in reading the trail, but in using a dog teams relative restedness or fatigue to help navigate perilous terrain. From the Rainy Pass Lodge on the Iditarod Trail, I’m Zachariah Hughes.

Casey Groves: So between Rainy Pass and Nikolai, is the checkpoint of Rohn. To get there, the teams navigate some pretty treacherous sections, reaching the races highest elevation of 3,160 feet. I mean, it’s a mountain pass. You’re going on some pretty narrow trail, and there’s mountains and ravines, there are twists and turns, ups and downs, there’s some mushing on the edge of the ravine - it’s intense. If you want to get a look at it, I encourage you to google “Jeff King Dalzell Gorge”. The first video that should come up is from a very low snow year in 2014. Those sections of trail destroyed some sleds and destroyed some mushers dreams of reaching Nome that year. I first saw those sections of trail that same year, in 2014, from the safety of a helicopter. That was my rookie year on the Iditarod. But as a rookie, in the race, it must be daunting to hear the stories and then finally get up into the pass and see what you got yourself into. And, Jeff King’s a four time champion. He’s very experienced musher. He’s run the Iditarod as much as anybody competing in the race these days. But, in addition to the really competitive slate of mushers in this year’s Iditarod, which includes five past champions (King, one of them), nearly one in five Iditarod mushers this year is brand new to the race. As Ben Matheson reports, the ten rookies each set out on the trail with a deep range of skills and experiences.

Ben Matheson: 21 year old Martin Apayauq Reitan is coming off of Yukon Quest, in which he took home Rookie of the Year honors. But, he had a tough time managing his sleep during the race, something he wants to improve upon in his second 1000 mile race.

Martin Apayauq Reitan: We need to have a good time, and we’ll see if I’ll be able to race or if I’ll oversleep again, and then, you know, I’ll have to adjust my expectations, but I’ll try my best and have fun.

BM: Reitan lives on the north slope of Kaktovik, where, among other things, he guides polar bear viewing expeditions. After the race, he’ll skip the jet and instead mush his team north, to Kotzebue, where his dad will run the Kobuk 440. After that, it’s hundreds of miles north to and to the east, to Kaktovik, the same epic trip he made two years ago with his dad. Mushing is also a family affair for Jessica Klejka, who grew up the oldest of 7 kids running dogs in Bethel. Her passion for mushing also overlaps with her professional life - she’s a veterinarian. But Klejka says her professional knowledge can cause her to overthink things with her dogs.

Jessica Klejka: And so I see something happen and, you know, like if I toss a dog a piece of fish and he doesn’t eat it right away, I start going okay wait, what’s going on, why doesn’t he want to eat the fish. And I start smelling the fish, like is it okay, and - but for the most part I think it’s very advantageous because I get a lot of calls from mushers the last few weeks before Iditarod, asking a lot of questions, and it’s kind of fun.

BM: For more than two decades, Ed Hopkins from Tagish Yukon Territory, has been running the Yukon Quest, notching several top five finishes. But, after watching his wife, Michelle Phillips, running the Iditarod in recent years, he says the Iditarod temptation became hard to ignore.

Ed Hopkins: Actually, you get the itch, and I got the itch

BM: His team has already completed a 1000 mile race this year. Phillips ran the team to a 4th place finish in the Quest last months. Hopkins says the race-hardened dogs know more about the trail than he does.

EH: I’m a rookie in a lot of senses, like I don’t know some of the little hidden things that are out there that give advantage to a lot of other people, so, I’m just gonna go and do my own thing pretty much.

BM: Norwegian Niklas Wikstrand has worked with Pete Kaiser in Bethel for a few years, and gotten his race experience in brutal, Kuskokwim river conditions, and he’s been on a specific schedule to get the dogs the right racing experience.

Niklas Wikstrand: Going a little slower, rest enough, and that’s our teams main goal, to rest and run quite conservative, and make sure that as many dogs get to Nome, and just keeping the dogs happy and healthy.

BM: As the rookies navigate the races most technical and steep sections in the first couple days in the race, they’ll be one step closer to joining the elite club of Iditarod finishers. I’m Ben Matheson, in Anchorage.

Casey Groves: These rookie standings are definitely subject to change as teams leapfrog each other here in the race. At least check, Ed Hopkins was leading the rookies in 32nd place; then Richie Beattie in 34th; Sebastien Dos Santos Borges in 37th. There’s Jessica Klejka, who we just heard from, in 38th place; Niklas Wikstrand in 41st, Blair Braverman in 42nd, Ryan Santiago in 46th, Alison Lifka in 47th, Martin Apayauq Reitan in 48th, and bringing up the rear, in 52nd place, Victoria Hardwick.

At least check, all the rookies in this years race still yet to reach the checkpoint of Rohn, and I want to mention Rohn real quick. It’s not really a community or anything, they’ve listed it at population zero, it’s basically just a cabin or a roadhouse they call it, and definitely the population swells when it’s an Iditarod checkpoint. They’ve got veterinarians there to checked the dogs, they’ve got race officials - and of course, they’ve got mushers coming in. And, different Iditarod checkpoints have totally different flavors. Some are hectic, full of visitors and volunteers; others are literal ghost towns, nestled quite deliberately in the middle of the wilderness.

The Rohn checkpoint is the latter, with hardly any amenities or distractions. The volunteer staffers have to find ways to amuse themselves, in the lulls, when there are no mushers - it might be a little boring, they’re trying to entertain themselves. This year, as Alaska Public Media’s Zachariah Hughes found out, they are throwing axes.

[sound of an axe hitting wood, men cheering]

Men’s voices: Aha! That was it? That was the bullseye, dead center, that’s perfect!

Zachariah Hughes: Like, what’s the right technique for doing it? Like, when you’re giving someone an introductory lesson, how do you explain it?

Man’s Voice [Unknown]: Uh, normally I ask, you know, right or left handed. If you’re right handed, you want your left hand on the bottom, right hand on top, you know I try to keep everything in a straight line and use your whole body.

ZH: What are you guys doing right now? MV: Axe throwing? Yeah, we’re axe throwing

[sound of an axe, throwing]

MV: [loudly] Yeah! That was it, that was perfect

ZH: The Rohn checkpoint is mostly just a cabin, it’s in a clearing in a pretty wooded area, just after the Dalzell gorge, near a river, they’ve got some arctic ovens set up, some snow machines, there’s an outhouse, but - mostly it’s a one room cabin from 1910 that the Parks Service maintains. Nowadays, it’s a shelter cabin.

Woman’s Voice: We find something to do, we tell our stories

ZH: Throw weapons

WV: Well, we don’t allow guns out when the mushers are here, but pre and post race we do a little target shooting. But, I asked Mark to bring an axe, because I’ve always wanted to do this. I’ve never done this before.

ZH: Oh, and you guys knew each other before this?

WV: I met him last summer at the lumberjack show.

ZH: Mm.

[sound of axe thudding]

ZH: The volunteers here have to be a little bit more hardy than at other places, because they’re left out here mostly unsupported, it’s basically camping.

WV: Well, there’s nobody lives here year round, so we all come out for Iditarod, because we like dogs, we like going to remote places in Alaska, meeting people from all over, and it’s a satisfaction of helping people get down the trail, whether it’s snow machining, or walking, or mushing dogs, so it’s a good camaraderie feeling of Alaska.

ZH: Do you like throwing the axe? WV: Yeah, it feels good. You should give it a try.

[sound of axe thudding, woman yells “nice!”]

Man’s Voice: And when you release, you want kind of to release high so the axe carries down into the target, because it’s heavy

ZH: Do you guys always do this every year, out here? MV: This is my first year, so no, I don’t think so? But maybe from now on [laughs] I got started in college as a collegiate sport, so it’s called the woodsmen’s team in college, and so I competed collegiately. Me personally, I ended up doing well enough at the end of my four years, I was able to go pro, and then I competed professionally and also did lumberjack shows.

ZH: Is that what brought you up to Alaska?

MV: Yeah, I did a show for Great Alaska Lumberjack Show in Ketchikan Alaska, I did that for four years, one of my good friends, Tina Sheer, owns a show in May, and she’s the one that did a show at the Alaska State Fair, and she’s actually worked the Rohn checkpoint too, in the past.

[axe thuds]

Casey Groves: I still have a lot of questions about Zach throwing axes. And, that’s a contrived segue to today’s listener question! It’s actually two related questions in Aaron Knight’s language arts classes out in Unalaska

Alyssa; My name’s Alyssa, I’m also from Unalaska, and my groupmates are Michelle, Natalie, and Alyssa-Marie, and our question is have any of the mushers got hurt, and did they have to stop participating in the race?

Aaron: Hi, my name is Aaron, my groups are Matius and Zach, what happens if the dogs got hurt?

CG: Thanks for listening, and thanks for the great questions everybody. So, what happens when there are injuries on the trail? Here’s our trail reporter, Zachariah Hughes, with the answer.

Zachariah Hughes: If the dog’s hurt, his or her musher will leave it at a checkpoint. The veterinarians take care of it and the Iditarod takes over, they’ll take groups of dogs who are hurt, or dropped, or sick, and move them back to Anchorage, or somewhere where a handler or somebody who knows the musher picks up the dog and takes care of it for a while. Mushers, unless they’re really really hurt, will keep going. One time, Aaron Burmeister broke his knee coming down the Dalzell Gorge, and he finished the Iditarod hundreds of miles later, limping over the finish line, but he made it. So, other times mushers will fall of their sleds and crack ribs and maybe withdraw or maybe keep going, they are pretty tough and it’s really up to them, if they’re hurt, if they want to keep trying to finish the race.

CG: Thanks for getting that answer to us Zach, and as always I want to remind the listeners that you can send your questions to iditarod@alaskapublic.org. The best way to do that and maybe get on the podcast is to open up your smartphone, find that voice memo app, record your question in your own voice, and send that to iditarod@alaskapublic.org and that’s the best way to get your answer. Well, everybody that’s all the time we have for today, our theme music is by the band Sassafrassh, I’m your host Casey Groves, and until next time - happy tails.

Linwood Fiedler: You just gotta be ready to be game on and not be sleepy [laughs] so.

ZH: How are you gonna do that?

LF: How am I gonna do that? I’m gonna try and take an hour nap here. [laughs]

ZH: Out here, like in the sled bag?

LF: You know, I may lay down with them, or I guess there’s a little cabin we can get in if we want.

ZH: But you don’t have like an exoskeleton for the gorge?

LF: [laughs] No. My head hits a tree, is what’s gonna happen.

ZH: Well I hope you make it out in one piece, thanks a lot man, take care

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Folklore Friday

He doesn’t have a name.

It is not certain if he ever had a name, but the stories say that he traded it away. But this is not the story of yet another mortal foolishly giving up his name to one of the Others.

This is the story of one of the Others who gave his name to a mortal.

When his name belonged to him still he was unknown to most. Only those in dire straits knew how to call him, but they knew him only as The Spinner. Whether it was whim or simply his nature, the Spinner would propose unusual “trades” as solutions to the hardest problems in the lives of the few who called him.

“I cannot raise and care for a child alone, what can I do?”

“Give me the babe and two strands of your hair and by and by the humble woodcutters in the forest shall find that they have a child at last.”

“Oh Spinner, my landlord’s sheep have run away, and I fear he shall have me branded as a thief if I cannot find them!”

“For an acorn and one memory from your third year of life, I will find the sheep and bring them back to the pen by nightfall.”

“Spinner, my apprentice has broken his hand and cannot help me grind the grain.”

“Guess how many teeth are in my mouth and I’ll do it for free. Guess wrong and I’ll take one of your chickens.”

As bargains with Fair Folk went, they were almost harmless enough for him to be thought of in much the same way as a fairy godmother. In some cases, if by the “trading” of a problem the mortal could do a good turn for another, the Spinner had on occasion been known to “trade” a favor. For instance, the ability to make fine clothing from mere water, or a hat that could make one invisible. And for those humans who greeted him with manners – even joy, for some – regardless of his goblinish appearance, he had a special fondness.

He bounced around the kingdoms, never in one place long lest he be taken for granted, but often returned to look in on the few that had gained his favor. They could not usually see him unless they were children, as children have not yet learned to make up barriers between what is “realistic” and what is “impossible”. One such child was the babe he had brought to the woodcutters, who cherished her and raised her to be kind and clever and full of adventure. (And twice a year, her birth mother in the village brought her a basket of sweets and a little cloak to match her growth. Her favorite had been a bright red one with a little riding hood.) The Spinner, bound like others of his kind by contracts and spoken words and the inability to lie, took great pleasure in hearing the girl spout complete and utter nonsense as if it were the truest word ever spoken.

“Hello, willow-girl, what will you do today?” the Spinner would ask.

“Today I shall make diamonds from dirt, Uncle Spinner,” she would answer and laugh. And sometimes, if the Spinner was in a very good mood, she would find a tiny stone, no bigger than a pebble, shining like a diamond in the dirt.

“What will you do today, reed-child?” the Spinner would ask.

“Today I will mold men of bread,” she would say and then the Spinner would be given gifts of gingerbread soldiers, some made to look just like him.

Then one day when the child had grown into a young woman, she was sitting at the roadside with a basket of yarn to take home and the Spinner said, “Little-red-hood, what will you do today?”

At first she was surprised, because she had not seen him in almost a year, but Pearl smiled and announced, “Today, I will spin straw into gold.”

“Straw into gold?” the Spinner laughed, “What possible use could you get from that?”

“It probably isn’t very useful at all,” she admitted, still grinning, “But you should see how it shines on the spindle.”

But this playful boast brought her great misfortune, for a knight in service to a cruel and greedy king was traveling along that same road, and he heard Pearl's words. Believing them to be true, he rode back to the castle and told the king, who ordered the woodcutters’ daughter to be brought to him at once. There, she was given an offer she could not possibly refuse: spin a roomful of straw into gold or be executed by dawn.

The Spinner took this rather personally.

As Pearl sat in the windowless, stuffy room in shock, trying to work out exactly what had just happened, the scaly figure of her childhood friend and benefactor appeared wearing a scowl full of fangs. “Reed-child, give me the gold bangle that king put on your wrist,” he said.

Confused, Pearl held out the heavy bracelet and the Spinner took it. “Gold for straw, we’ll make a trade,” he announced, and he stretched it thin, thinner, thinner, until he had made two spools of thread as fine as spiderweb out of the purest gold. Then he took the straw and was gone.

When the king’s servants arrived the next morning, Pearl said sweetly, “It takes an awful lot of straw to make gold, you know. I think it has to do with the weight exchange. I’m lucky I had enough to make this much!”

And of course, she was very good at sounding like she told the truth, and so the servants never even thought to question it. Neither did the king, whose greed only seemed to grow sharper upon seeing the beautiful golden thread. And so he ordered his servants to treat Pearl as an honored guest, to give her fine silks and jewelry and lavish meals, and then to lock her up in another windowless room filled with even more straw that night. Once more, she was given the choice between spinning straw into gold or being killed.

Pearl did not expect the Spinner to come to her rescue twice, but she thought perhaps she’d try anyway before working on her other plan – which was breaking apart the spinning wheel to fashion weapons. “Uncle Spinner, will you make a bargain with me?” she said to the hot night air.

“Willow-girl, reed-girl, little-red-hood, you are in dire straits indeed. What kind of deal would you make?” said a pile of dust on the floor.

Pearl had thought long and hard about this, and she knew what she wanted. Taking a pair of shears, she cut a lock of her long black hair and said, “I’ll give you seven strands of my hair and a year of my life in exchange for the ability to spin as you do.” She had guessed that the king might demand more of her, and she refused to take advantage of the goblin’s fondness for her.

“A year of your life is a serious promise, are you certain that is what you want?” asked the pile of dust, forming a face.

“Yes,” said Pearl, and she shook the hand that rose from the dust. After that, she felt a little tired, but when she took the chain from around her neck and the rings from her fingers, she stretched them thin, thinner, thinner, until she had six spools of thread as fine as gossamer, twinkling in the candlelight.

When the king arrived the next morning, he was so overcome with greed that he did not even notice the lack of jewelry on the woodcutters’ daughter. It was quickly decided that a queen who could produce such wealth at a simple spinning wheel was better than any noblewoman in the kingdom, and a wedding was arranged without so much as asking Pearl’s opinion on the matter. Very rich kings get away with all sorts of things they shouldn’t, for a time. But only for a time.  The next year was very unpleasant for everyone, but Pearl was smart. She familiarized herself with the running of kingdoms, made allies of the maids and noblewomen and a good many knights, ran messages through them to the people in the villages, and continued to spin gold. All the while, the king never suspected that his “new riches” were simply his own hoard, stretched out into a glamorous web.

By the time Queen Pearl gave birth to a healthy daughter, the unrest in the kingdom caused by the cruel king had reached a boiling point. It was the perfect time for a revolution, apparently. On the eve of the summer solstice, the Spinner appeared once more, this time before both the king and the queen.

“It was I who granted the queen with the ability to spin straw to gold when she was young,” he boasted, showing his glittering fangs, “But favors don’t come free, you know. I’ve come to take the queen and her babe back to the goblin kingdom.”

The king, as you may imagine, was infuriated by this and ordered the Spinner killed. But steel wasn’t much use against the Spinner, and he nimbly dodged with a mocking laugh and the swords turned back against their wielders. Realizing that making an enemy of one of the Fair Folk was a monumentally stupid thing to do, the king attempted to backtrack. Pearl put her acting skills to excellent use and began to wail, pleading with the Spinner to leave her baby alone.

“Oh very well,” the Spinner pretended to grudgingly agree, “If you can guess my name in three days, I will grant any request of the first person to know.” And with that, he stamped his foot so hard that he vanished, leaving a crater in the stones.

Well, the kingdom was certainly interested when the reigning monarch demanded a comprehensive list of every human name, pet name, and faerie-tale name known, from A to Z. Mind you, this did not distract from plans of revolution in the slightest, but it certainly made for a good way to keep the guards diverted. It took twelve men to carry the scroll full of names to the royal adviser, who wearily read them off to the Spinner. 

“Aberforth? Bulrush? Cat Sidhe? Duncan?”

And to each name, the Spinner would smile and smugly shake his head. And so it continued, with the knights growing more and more worried, and the king growing more and more enraged, and all the while Pearl smiled behind her eyes and wondered what her old friend was up to.

On the night of the third day, the Spinner visited the nursery where Pearl’s little daughter slept. The tower room was cool in the summer heat, and high enough to muffle the shouts of the protesting masses who had gathered around the castle. They would probably break through the gates in a day or two. Pearl sat beside the cradle and spun cat’s cradles from a solid gold hairbrush – what a useless thing to have! – as the Spinner examined the baby’s snow white hair.

“You had her when there was magic in your veins,” he remarked. “But Unraveling works on more than gold, and you will one day find that this power will only cause you sorrow. Will you return it to me?”

“Return it?” Pearl asked, surprised, then she thought. “Are you making a trade, Uncle Spinner?”

“If you will let me take back the magic of Unraveling,” said the Spinner gravely, “I will tell you my Name.”

“If you tell me your Name,” Pearl warned, “Won’t that give me power over you to make wishes that you are compelled to grant?”

The Spinner scoffed at her, nearly waking the little princess. “Pshaw, as though you could make me do anything I didn’t wish to. You were always my favorite godchild, willow-girl, reed-child, who’s to say I didn’t already feel compelled to grant your wishes?”

Pearl had a great many more arguments on this point, but the Spinner was as stubborn as she was, and in the end she saw that he intended to find an excuse to give her his Name one way or another. And so she gave in and let him pull the Unraveling from her fingertips. Then he patted her head and whispered a Name into her ear.

The next morning the Spinner came before the king and queen again, and the long list of names was read off once more. Then, when the last Z had been read and denied, and the Spinner approached the queen with his arms out as if to take the little princess, Pearl stood and pretended to guess again.

“Is it Wormwood?”

“It is not.”

“Robin Goodfellow?”

“Not hardly!”

Pretending to have struck upon an idea, Pearl struck a dramatic pose. “Why then, your name must be Rumplestiltskin!”

And the room shook. The Spinner smiled a little wistfully and bowed. “Clever queen-child, reed-child, you’ve guessed a’right. I am that merry wanderer of the night. What is your wish, o queen?”

Pearl listened to the clamor of the makeshift army outside, and looked at her maids, who appeared to be waiting for some kind of signal, and nodded.

“The time has come,” she said to her knights and her allies hidden in the throne room. Then, to Rumplestiltskin, she said, “Take my baby to my parents.”

The battle was hard-fought, and it took some doing for the villagers to get past the king’s personal guard, but by nightfall it was over. The king and his men sat in his own dungeons, surrounded by a year’s worth of straw. The queen sat on the throne surrounded by matrons with pitchforks and maids with swords, calmly dictating the particulars of a regime change.

As the king had been a particularly odious fellow, none of the neighboring kingdoms felt any particular need to interfere. One monarch even sent a rather humorous “welcome to the neighborhood” gift basket for Queen Pearl when she announced herself as the primary ruler of her kingdom. 

And when the rough edges of the transition had been smoothed out and the changes began to be implemented, Queen Pearl sat in the tower nursery and called out for Rumplestiltskin. When he appeared, she said, “I’ll trade you the memory of your Name for my baby.”

“Keep it,” said Rumplestiltskin, “In case you run into trouble. I already put the spindle-child back in her cradle, though her grandparents would have liked to keep her longer.”

And so she did, and ruled well and wisely to the end of her days. And when Pearl and her daughter and all her grandchildren and great grandchildren had all passed away, many many many years later, there were none left who remembered the Name of the Other who had helped them. And the Spinner, for his part, never used it again.

Now he is Nameless, untethered to anything or anyone. And if a problem presents itself, if matters are dire, if there is no one else you can turn to, one day you may very well one day hear a mischievous voice ask, “Want to make a trade?”

[chimcharstar]

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO 

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want. 

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up... 

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT 

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them. 

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w    h       y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch! 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

:( 

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG  CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

[kerasdnd]

Trolls and Secret Passageways

Table of Contents

Class ran smoothly. Everyone was excited about the feast later on tonight. Dravin kept me close throughout the rest of the day. He even introduced me to his snake, Nyx. I found it an ironic name since she was Albino but to each their own. It wasn't until school was over and I had my notes for the day, was I released from third-year custody. I quickly retreated to the Whomping Willow for the next hour. As I sat down after our normal greetings, the Willow picked me up and placed me next to her trunk. I smiled and leaned against her for a moment before diving straight into my homework. The minutes passed without me realizing it. I was so far gone into my work that the Willow had to tap me on the shoulder to get me to look up. Standing just out of the Willow's reach was Draco. I pulled out my right earbud but refused to get up. "What do you want Draco?" I called out to him. "Wouldn't this be easier if you weren't sitting under a killer tree?" he questioned. The Willow didn't take kindly to his words so she whipped a branch at him. Draco flinched but didn't move from his spot. I shook my head at him. I saw rather than heard him sigh. "Lyra, come on. You need to eat. You said so yourself. You have three years worth of school work to do and you're on the Quidditch team. We can't let you get sick," he pleaded. My stomach growled noisily at the mention of food causing Draco to smirk in triumph. I putting my books away and stood up," Fine, but no more salads. I hate salads." Draco eagerly agreed. I thanked the Willow for allowing to sit with her once again. I then followed Draco to the Great Hall. The Feast was brilliant for those who were allowed to enjoy it. I was stuck with a few sandwiches and fruits to make up for missing breakfast and most of lunch.

I laid my head on Theo's shoulder while I waited for the feast to end. I knew it was going to be one of the later dinners because astronomy for the third years had been canceled for today. The Hall was alight with candles and bats soaring about. The students were lively while the Professors were smiling politely at each other. About halfway through the meal, Professor Quirrell burst into the Hall screaming, "Troll! Troll in the Dungeons! There's a troll in the dungeons!" He stopped in the middle of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables and started wobbling. "I thought you'd want to know." He uttered before falling forward, out cold. The entire Great Hall fell silent for a moment before chaos erupted. Draco stood up screaming. He along with a few other first years from other Houses created the perfect cover for me to slip away from the Slytherin table. "Silence!" boomed Dumbledore. Everyone quieted down. "Now Perfects and Head Girl and Boy will lead their Houses to their Dormitories. The Professors and I will go to the dungeons. Off you go now," he stated calmly as he waved his hand dismissively. The Perfects jumped into action and gathered the students up, leading them out of the Great Hall. The Professors filed out of the Great Hall. After about five minutes, the room was empty except for Quirrell and myself. I scanned once more to make sure no one was around before approaching the Professor. I knelt down next to him and placed a hand on the back of his neck. "Poor Professor Quirrell. Running into a troll in the dungeons. Except I can't fathom why he'd be down in the dungeons in the first place," I hissed in hissed in his ear, "Nor can I guess how a troll got into the dungeons in the first place since they don't go as far as the mountains. I really can't answer why Professor Quirrell would run away from the one thing he can actually defeat no problem." I slowly squeezed down onto the sides of his neck. "I can only think of one reason for that. To distract the other Professors from whatever you're trying to do in the meantime. I really should hand you over to Dumbledore. Alas, I still need you to be a pawn. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few certain Gryffindors to save." I pushed myself up from the knees and released my grip on Quirrell's neck. "My lord," I bowed and walked away.

I walked out of the Great Hall to see Potter and the younger Weasley boy hide behind a column. Siding out of their sight I followed them until the three of us saw the troll walk into the Girls bathroom. I watched the boys run up and lock the door behind the troll. I was quite proud of them until I realized that Granger wasn't with them. I facepalmed when the boys shouted, 'Hermione!" They immediately reopened the door and rushed in. I left my hiding spot and stood just outside the door. That way I was out of the Gryffindors' sight but the troll stayed in mine. I shot protection charms wordlessly over Granger so she wouldn't get too hurt from the debris falling on her. I kept this up while the boys were living up to their House's reputation. Potter jumped onto the troll's shoulders. Weasley kept throwing rocks at the thing's head. It wasn't until I heard Granger yell, "Swish and Flick!" that I noticed that he had pulled out his wand. Weasley successfully cast the levitation charm on the troll's club causing it to look around confused. When it looked up, I hastily counteracted the spell. The club fell onto the troll's head and knocked it out. As the beast fell forward, it dropped Potter. I cast a cushioning charm on him so he would again be safe. "Is it dead?" Granger asked. Potter pulled his wand out of the beast's nose causing it to growl. "No. I think just knocked out," Potter answered as Weasley paled in disgust at the snot on Potter's wand. I heard footsteps then and turned to see all the Professors running our way, with McGonagall in the lead. I held my breath as they turned into the bathroom door. Everyone except for Severus and Quirrell seemed to be ignoring me. The trio got scolded and points were taken away but giving right back. McGonagall finally caught my eye, barely shook her head, and escorted the Gryffindor first years to bed. But not before Quirrell stuttered something out to them. Severus swished his cape to distract from him pulling me in front of his body as he headed back down to the dungeons. "What were you think?" he hissed when we were safe in his office. I placed my hands in my pockets and leaned against the door. "I was thinking that I hadn't seen Granger since lunch today. Normally she's in the library during breaks. She wasn't today. She also wasn't at dinner," I stated, looking up at the ceiling.

Severus just shook his head. "So you thought it would be okay to go after her? You didn't even know where she was until Potter and Weasley went after her themselves!" he exclaimed. I kept still as I spoke, "Preteen girls are all the same. When they get upset, they go and cry in the girls' bathroom. Even more so when they don't have any friends to comfort them." Severus huffed and sat down behind his desk. "Did you at least help keep them safe?" he asked. "Of course I did. I need them alive or else the plan won't work," I smirked as I lowered my eyes to his, "And I am Slytherin after all." The Potions Professor flinched at my comment. We sat in silence for a few moments. The professor broke first and placed a broom-shaped parcel on his desk, "Here. I spoke to Dumbledore about Potter being able to own his own broom and yet you can't. He agreed to allow you to have one as well." I approached the desk and unwrapped the broom. It was sleek, brand new. On the handle read Nimbus 2000. I sighed in awe as I ran my fingers over it. "And because I know how you are about your brooms." Severus placed a broom cleaning kit in front of me. I grinned. "Thank you, Sev. These are amazing!" I gushed, taking the gifts into my hands. He shooed me off to bed with a smirk of his own. Everyone was waiting for me to get back when I walked through the Door. "Where have you been?" shrieked Theo and Pansy. Crabbe and Goyle came over to me to make sure I was okay. Blaise and Dravin glared at me from over by the fire I normally sit by. Draco seemed to be the only one who noticed the broom in my hand. Before I could explain anything, Draco spoke up, "I see now. You and Potter get special treatment for being some sort of chosen ones. He, the Boy Who Lived. You, the Smartest Student in three years. No wonder You do things on your own instead of with us now." He scoffed then went to his dorm. I stood frozen watching him leave. I suddenly wasn't in the Slytherin Common Room. Instead, I was at the Manor in front of the front door outside. Lucius and Narcissa were standing in front of the door. Lucius had a triumphant smirk on his face. Narcissa's face was blank. Draco was walking back up to his parents. When he turned around he mouthed, "Good luck." Then snow started falling.

I blinked and was back in the Common Room. I shrugged everyone off after that. "I'm sorry I worried you guys but I think I'm going to go to bed now," I whispered, heading to bed as well. I placed my broom and kit on top of my chest. I gathered my toiletries and took a shower before going to bed. My schedule went back to normal the next day. The team freaked out over my new broom. I stayed quiet during classes. I was escorted to all my classes. We lost the first Quidditch game on the 9th. Draco continuously withdrew from me. Soon the others started following suit, starting with Crabbe and Goyle. I started spending more and more time under the Whomping Willow. Blaise, Dravin, and Theo were the only ones who still checked on me when December rolled around. Around the second week of December, things changed. I trekked out to the Willow in the snow like any other day. But instead of her letting me sit by her trunk with a warming charm, the Willow lifted up one of her roots. I didn't think twice as I knelt down and crawled under. To my surprise, there was a tunnel leading away from my darling tree. I cast Lomus and followed it. It was about 20 minutes before I got to the end of the tunnel. I stood up and looked around as I brushed off my hands. I was in some sort of shack. I gathered that it had two stories from the set of stairs off in the corner. The bottom consisted of a kitchen, living room, and dining room with an open floor plan. I carefully walked up the stairs and found a bedroom. Connected to it was a full bathroom. "Well the place is a wreck, but nothing Dobby and I can't fix up," I thought aloud as I wandered back downstairs. I stopped in the middle of the living room. "Dobby could you come here as soon as you can? I'm in no rush," I called.

I waited a few minutes to see if he was going to show up right then. When he didn't, I went around fixing things that I could. Mending the couch. Waving the dust away. I cleaned the Kitchen counter and placed my bag on it. I rummaged through the stacks of books and withdrew my speaker. Placing the speaker next to my bag, I connected my iPod and turned on Rock Show by Halestorm. As I jammed out for the next hour or so, I cleaned and fixed what I could. "I'm so glad today is Sunday. No one bothers me on Sunday," I mused aloud. A sudden loud POP alerted me to Dobby appearing in the Shack. "Mistress called for Dobby?" he asked shaking. I smiled and hugged the poor elf. "Yes, Dobby I did. As you can see, I've found a small space that I would like to call my own. However, It's a bit of a wreck. Would you mind helping me?" I waved my hand to the room around us. Dobby tapped his chin, "What would Mistress like for the house?" I thought for a moment. "We're going to need running water, electricity, a workable kitchen, I'm thinking about turning the dining room into the living room and the living room into a study area. Upstairs is going to stay the bedroom and bathroom. Everything is going to need to be redecorated," I stated. Dobby nodded and Popped away. I frowned but waited. A few moments later multiple elves appeared. "Dobby to the liberty of retrieving help, Mistress. We'll have everything ready for dinner." Dobby proclaimed. There were approving shouts then everyone got to work. I worked right along with them. I explained how I wanted everything in each room and then helped place them. True to their word we had everything done by dinner. I grinned as I viewed the new house. The main colors were bronze and purple. The floors, cabinets, and bookshelves were a deep mahogany. The counters in both the kitchen and bathroom were a beautiful Sandstone. The furniture was different shades of the dark metal. The entire house had working outlets and running water. I could cook in the kitchen in case I missed a meal. I was quite happy with it.

However, it was time for dinner. I thanked the House Elves and sent the mon their way. "Dobby made sure to stock the kitchen with plenty of food for Mistress Lyra," Dobby stated before disappearing. I smiled at the spot he was at a moment ago. I then sighed and went to the do the door that lead to the Castle grounds with my bag. I opened the door to find that the House Elves made the tunnel large enough for me to walk instead of crawl. It also had magic torched that lit as I approached. Because I could now walk it only took 15 minutes to get to the Willow's roots. I slid out from under the root with ease. "Thank you for showing me a place that I could be myself," I said as I hugged the trunk. I then ran to dinner as to not make too much a fuss over where I've been. Sadly Theo caught me coming in. He stood up and made a show of walking toward where I had sat down at the far end of the Slytherin Table. I no longer sat with the rest of them after Blaise yelled at me for skipping breakfast to turn in my homework one too many times. Theo stood over me with his arms crossed, "Where were you today? Because Dravin and I searched everywhere. You weren't in the library nor the common room. Please don't tell me you were stupid enough to go outside in the snow." I looked up at him only to see the duty of an Heir glaring at me from his eyes. "You don't have to worry about me anymore. By the end of Christmas break, I won't be a problem for you six anymore," I said looking back down at my plate. I no longer had an appetite so I stood up again and left the Hall without a backward glance.

I wanted to go back to my new space, but I went to the Slytherin common room instead. Collapsing on the couch in front of my fireplace, I stared into the flames. I should've been doing the homework that was due on Wednesday but I didn't have the motivation. Instead, I turned on Havana by Camila Cabello (ft. Young Thug) and sang softly along. I laid my head back on the back of the seat, closed my eyes, and got lost in the music. I don't know how long I sat like that. Just singing and not caring who walked in to hear. After Fairy Queen by Blackmore's Night, I was startled by applause. I jumped and drew my wand ready to hex whoever was behind me. When I finally focused, I saw the entire Slytherin House looking at me in awe. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked not lowering my wand. Someone said, "How long have you been able to sing like that?" I stayed silent because no one answered my question. Dravin appeared next to me and placed Nyx on my arm. I put away my wand and cradled the reptile. "We've been listening to you since the one about trying," he replied. I sighed as I petted Nyx. "To answer the 'how long' question. Just recently but not for the lack of trying. I've been singing since I was little," I said with my head held high. There were murmurs amongst the crowd. "Wait you're not a perfect know it all, able to do everything on the first try?" someone from the back yelled. I chuckled. Goyle didn't think I knew his voice it seemed. "No, I'm not. I work just as hard as everyone else to get my spells and potions to work properly," I answered. "Do you think you could sing some more?" asked Flint. I was shocked by the request.

"Maybe Red is the Rose by the High Kings?" Pansy followed up as she appeared on my other side. I turned and smiled at her. I knew it was her favorite song. She knew I would never deny her a chance to hear it. "Sure, I sing Red is the Rose for you Pansy." I hugged her as everyone cheered. The Slytherin House found seats and patiently waited for me to begin. I took a breath and focused on Pansy alone. Then I started to sing, "Come over the hills, my bonny Irish lass." In the original song, the bard describes his love with golden hair. I changed the color to raven, so it would match Pansy's hair color. I saw her smile for the first time in weeks causing my heart to soar. Though the group focused on Draco's and I's needs on the surface. We all knew that Pansy had the worst house out of all of us. Her mother wouldn't accept that Pansy just didn't like boys, But Pansy knew even at our age that she would never be able to marry Draco. So I sang her song whenever she asked. At the end of the song, tears were falling down her cheeks and the room erupted into applause. Requests started to get thrown at me. Dravin jumped in and handled that as I watched Pansy go back to Draco and the group. She fell into Blaise's arms. He comforted her without looking at me. I turned to Draco and he nodded his thanks. I settled then. They weren't mad at me for the song causing her to cry.

Dravin grabbed my attention once again. He gave me the songs casing me to smile. They followed Irish songs with a few hip-hop and punk thrown in. We spent the rest of the night in music. I found that many of the fifth years could play instruments when they joined me in songs that they knew. To close the night, I sang a song that I wanted. I cleared my throat and starting singing Pretending by Alec Benjamin acapella. I watched Draco and Theo look at each other then back at me. I knew they saw the pain in my eyes because Theo stood up and went to the piano. He didn't sit down, but he did start playing the notes. I closed my eyes in relief when he did. I hoped it was their way of telling me it was okay. That through the distance between us, everything was going to be okay. When the song came to an end, everyone cheered. I bowed with a smile then yawned. We dispersed and went to bed. I was the last to leave the Common room. I wanted to make sure Pansy was asleep before I went to bed. I opened the door and she was sitting on my bed. "Pansy it's late. You need to sleep," I said softly as I closed the door. "You're leaving aren't you?" She asked point blank. I couldn't hide my shame so I nodded. "Lucius is going to disown me over the course of Christmas Break," I explained sitting down next to her. "I don't know if Narcissa will follow after him yet. However, I'm still a Slytherin. I'll still be your roommate until we find out what my aunt does. We'll still have classes together. I'll still be here to sing to you. Even if I'm not in the Common Room or here in this room. Just ask and I'll sing for you okay?" Pansy nodded her head as she leaned against me. I rubbed her shoulder, "why don't we sleep together tonight?" "Okay," she answered. I urged her to get ready for bed as I did the same. We then curled up together in my bed. I rubbed her back and kissed her temple once she was settled. Then I sang softly in her ear until she was fast asleep. I watched her breath for a few moments before I pulled into another Vision. We were still in bed. Pansy was asleep in my arms but her hair was touching her mid back. I looked at my left arm and flinched. This was after fourth year because I had the Dark Mark on my forearm. I tried to look around but instead, I felt myself shift out from under Pansy. I watched as I got dressed in a solid black long sleeved tee and jeans. I slid black socks and combat boots onto my feet. I rolled my shoulders and looked back at the room behind me. I saw Pansy asleep on the bed, but I just noticed that Blaise and Theo were also sharing the King sized bed with us. I turned to the door to see a tired, scared Draco. He was dressed like me with a serious look on his face. "Ready?" he asked. As I went to answer, I was brought back to the present. I held Pansy tight to me as I used her to anchor myself. I didn't sleep that night. Nor did I much after until winter break.