#well update after we started dating he absolutely hated me even mentioning those specific people lmaooo

[navyhyuck]

madam vee it is i, your weakest soldier, asshole crush anon. it's been a while!! how are you?? congrats on graduating! i hope you are getting some well deserved rest and relaxation. i am back to inform you that i have been crushing on this boy for seven fucking months and i think i'm abt to tear out my hair. we're really good friends and have kept hanging out. all of my friends (and his friends) know abt my massive ass crush on him but this man cannot get the signals. [1/?]

we’ve held hands while crossing the street, made lists of things to do together, he keeps fucking sending me kissy emojis and telling me i look great every now and then, and there’s just so much and so little all at once that i want to ?? punch him?? kiss him?? idk?? he’s overseas rn and called me for 2 hrs at 2 am his time and it made me feel so happy + shitty at the same time bcs i kept thinking abt how evasive he is on call and irl but how over text he’s suddenly a lot more confident. [2/?]

idk miss vee ppl keep telling me to tell him but i do not want to jeopardize our friendship bcs we’ve been friends for 8 years and if all of that came crashing down bcs my feelings are unrequited i would literally cry. sometimes i think the reason it keeps progressing but not progressing is bcs neither of us have ever been so close to a friend like this before and he’s also so damn dense. [3/?]

ig i just want to ask you if you have any advice? you’ve been open abt your love life on here before and i would appreciate an objective perspective haha. myb for coming into your inbox after so long to cry like this lmao,, ty and i hope you are happy and doing well :) [4/4]

hi love, let me begin with an apology on my knees because i did not :’) see this ask until like five minutes ago :’’’) so i apologize for this being incredibly late (tumblr no longer sends me notifs bc i turned them off but i was also on a scarce-internet vacation at the time so i hope you understand <3) anyway!

i am currently on the medium spectrum of well, meaning very mediocre at the moment and may tumble down to something lower, but thank you! i am so happy and sad to be a high school alumni :> and well, in terms of advice *cracks knuckles* i must say your situation sounds a lot like the one i was in 🥴 i think your boy is a shy one, from the way you described him as evasive irl/when speaking to you, and .. that may be the main reason why he’s sending mixed signals. but also if you guys have been friends for 8 years, it could possibly be that he’s mutually worried that you may not like him back? (also i must say if this boy is calling you for 2 hours at 2am voluntarily while also being in a different country….he surely does value your place in his life) in terms of jeopardizing the friendship, that is a very valid concern but! unfortunately some guys don’t get hints. like at all. and they’re completely clueless. it’s actually incredibly humoring.

i would suggest if you do want to hint more towards the fact that you like him, you could ;) begin by spending more time with him. suggest doing things that are almost if not always reserved for couples :] typically if he agrees, maybe those feelings aren’t unrequited! i think some guys may not know when a girl likes him/is giving hints, but some sort of romantic (?) act might stick out to him more! also i just reread the beginning and his friends know too??🫣 okay. it may be unlikely that he doesn’t like you atp 😌 i think you have a very good chance, love, and even if you don’t want to outright tell him that you like him! good luck and lmk how it’s going ;) (considering…i’m answering this a month late ahaha) <33

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Wandering around the Raindrop Park

Lately I've been feeling kinda off - I can't quite put it into words. The weird thing is, the events that happened over the past few days don't affect me directly - as in it's directly related to stuff happening to friends that have little or nothing to do with me. It's basically me being somewhat emotionally invested in someone or something even though I barely know the person. Kinda like the whole how do you miss someone you never even knew sorta thing.

Maybe part of it has to do with a lot of changes happening around the same time in the span of roughly a year or two. By that, I'm talking about a specific group of people - Jamie's entourage, to be exact. Since the entourage disbanded, everyone has still been keeping in touch for the most part. And since then, a lot of members have moved on, pursuing bigger things, working on new projects, coming a long way since the entourage days. A lot of them were just starting out back then and now here they are.

A couple weeks ago, Roselle passed away. It wasn't a surprise since she told us about her prognosis last year, but still sad nonetheless. She was a former teen idol actress and singer turned director with her own production company that she co-founded with a friend. I became a fan of her during her Amanda Savannah days, a role that shot her to stardom as a kid. Like many in her position, she had a sort of love-hate relationship with the character who made her famous.

After Amanda Savannah ended, Roselle wanted to take a break from acting to focus on college. During that hiatus, Roselle was going through a lot of changes, including being diagnosed with stage four cancer. Nearly a decade after Amanda Savannah, Roselle reemerged from the public, starting from the ground up as a director. As for acting and singing, she was willing to keep that open, but realistically, the chances of her going back to either one were slim to none.

I remember when I last hung out with Roselle, about a year ago, when we visited Windcrest Wolf, not too long after the beginning of the end. Roselle has been keeping us updated with her video diary, Business as Usual, which is basically about her final year. The end was quick for her, which is what she had hoped for, so she was able to carry on for as long as she could. In her final entry she said that she was at peace with her life and that she was ready to go, ready to see her mom again after all these years. A few days later she was gone.

That's why I'm here with Jamie and Nedra at the Raindrop Park. Well, part of the reason - there's another thing too. Another death unfortunately, one of someone who I never got to meet.

Two former entourage members, actress Nedra Aylen and stuntman Allan Townshend crossed paths due to a tragedy. Allan's cousin Stef was one of Nedra's close friends at Starling who was gravely injured in a motorcycle accident. The crash left Stef in a coma for years before passing away weeks ago, a few days after Roselle's death.

According to Nedra, Stef and Allan didn't have a good relationship as Stef was abused by his parents. I don't know Allan as well as Nedra, but he comes across as someone who's making an effort to right his wrongs. It still doesn't make up for his past actions, which he is aware of. The two visit Stef at the care center but other than that, they don't interact with each other much.

Given how different Nedra and Allan are in terms of their social circles/personality/upbringing, and such, it's unexpected that they ended up crossing paths through Jamie. Nedra's a classical actress, preferring the stage over the screen while being prolific in both. Allan does stunt work, which I don't know too much about, but basically it means he and Nedra, although they were in the same entourage, had absolutely nothing in common other than Stef.

People always talk about how important it is to form connections, especially through tragedy. You'd think that Nedra and Allan would at least be able to bond over that, but in reality, you can't always share your burdens with someone. In the case of Nedra and Allan - at least the way I see it through Nedra - them being friends won't do much with that burden they carry. That's not to say they're dealing with their problems alone - in fact, they're quite well adjusted despite the circumstances - it's just that they don't need to seek each other to help cope.

It's not that they dislike each other, it's just the fact that they're so different in such a way that forming a connection would feel forced. Nedra says they do keep in touch but other than that, they don't feel the need to keep up with each other. It's good to form connections, but sometimes there's people you just don't feel the need for a strong bond with, and that's okay.

I have a feeling that's the case with Nedra and Allan - they share a struggle but don't need to rely on each other to pull through. Sometimes it just works out like that.

Nedra believes that Allan wants to make peace with Stef, which is why he visits her regularly. Although he and Stef were never friends, they were close to coming to some sort of a truce, with Allan more likely to side with Stef than against her. After all, why would Stef decide to intervene on that fateful day when Allan backed himself into a corner? I imagine the guilt of surviving the accident as well as being the reason why it happened is what pushed Allan over the edge. Nedra says it's not up to her to forgive him for how he treated Stef, but she's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as what he's going through is punishment enough.

Like with Roselle, Stef's death wasn't unexpected either. By then, Nedra knew that she was already long gone. She says it feels like a weight off her shoulders, the relief of knowing that Stef can finally rest in peace instead of being stuck in limbo. I can't imagine being in Stef's position, stuck to machines keeping me alive even though it's futile. I don't think I'd want to be kept alive on life support if it won't do anything except prolong the inevitable.

When I'm gone, let me go. I don't want to die a slow death where I become nothing but a husk of who I was.

Nedra stuck with her to the very end. Allan was there too but he kept his distance. The end came quickly and quietly, her heart stopped beating and that was it. She says it's been rough, but not as difficult as she thought it would be. Then again, she said she already made her peace with losing Stef so I think that helped a bit.

I can't imagine losing two friends in a short time like what Nedra's going through right now. That's why Jamie invited her along her travels so she can take some much needed time off, leading to us crossing paths at the Raindrop Park. Before coming here, Jamie and Nedra spent the weekend at the Sparkling Spa Resort, which they said they enjoyed a lot.

After the Raindrop Park they weren't sure where they were gonna go next before deciding on the camp. The timing happens to be perfect as another entourage member's gonna drop by later on along with some other friends for a fun event. It'll be good for Nedra and Jamie to see Jean again as we were talking about how she's one of the busier members.

Maybe one day I'll get Marlo to meet Jean and Nedra as she's big fans of them. She and Don are planning to come back, likely during a camp event, so maybe I can finally make her dreams come true. I told Nedra about Marlo and she's totally down for a get together with her and knowing Jean, she'll be all for it too. Now, if only we can find a date and time when all three are available...

The Raindrop Park is one of those places where it's easy to get lost in. Watching the raindrops fall is strangely mesmerizing, I can't take my eyes off them. In a way, I think it's a good thing, probably because I've had so much on my mind regarding the stuff I just mentioned, so maybe I needed to take the time to process the information. That, and of course, writing my thoughts out once I finally found the words.

Along with the mesmerizing raindrops, another thing that sticks out to me is the decor, like the benches. I really like the leafy designs of the benches and lampposts - a lot of art inspiration around here. The foliage is lovely too and the raindrops really add to the aesthetic. I'm partial to rainy days so of course I'd be drawn to something like this. The cloudy, somewhat gloomy sky seems fitting enough as well. Even though it's gray, there's still some sunlight poking through, so it's not completely dark.

The fog in my mind's clearing up a bit, even more so now that I've put my thoughts on paper. I also think being with Jamie and Nedra also helped, especially knowing that Nedra's gonna be all right. It's rough, but as she said, she's made peace with it. And as for Roselle, she was able to make the most out of the time she had left so she was able to leave with no regrets.

I hope that when the end comes for me, I can leave the world the same way Roselle did. Is that asking for too much?

[iinfortunii]

rules: code of conduct.

BEGIN.

Before we start, I would like you to have certain things in mind when approaching me ooc. I am very shy and quite awkward, which results in me not being much of a talker; however, I will always try my best to be friendly to whoever wants to approach. I dislike pet names so please do not use them with me unless we are very close. There will be times when I'm just exhausted, so my wording could sound rude/aggressive, to which I apologize in advance -I never mean to hurt people’s feelings. I also reserve the right to interact with WHOEVER I want, and pestering me about it will only get you blocked.

Updates will be made as required.

I. BASIC.

A. This blog is: Selective / Independent / Canon Divergent / NSFW / Mutuals only / Singleship / Mostly iconless / Multiverse / AU, Crossover, OC, and Multimuse friendly / Vaguely affiliated with the OP RP fandom.

B. I am a very slow rper for many reasons —school, family, my ever-fluctuating mood —and I would appreciate it if you refrained from pestering me for replies. In return I offer as much patience as necessary. Think of this blog as low activity please.

C. English is not my mother language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes made.

D. I track the tag #iinfortunii, although mentioning me works just as fine.

E. Constructive criticism is always welcome but anon hate will be immediately deleted. I have no problems if you disagree with my portrayal, but it doesn't give you the right to harass me.

F. Mun and muse are both over 18, so there are chances that heavy content will be present; however I won't be writing smut. I can roleplay anything before or after the act if requested, but the moment things get far too explicit, I'll do a fade-to-black. I ask of you to not lie about your age or else you’ll be blocked indefinitely.

G. This is a heavily headcanon-based blog, and changes are likely to be made as more information is revealed about him, though I reserve the right to adjust the new information according to my interpretation of Deuce or simply ignore it, which is why I’m canon divergent.

H. If you'd like to turn an ask into a thread, you can turn it into a new post, or reblog from me, as I won't be using the Tumblr asks anymore due to the problems that come with formatting and such.

I. Ask box is open for everyone ic or ooc, but you aren't allowed to turn it into a thread and nor I will reply to it if we’re not mutuals. Please don't push me, because I won't hesitate to block.

J. No godmoding —only a minor is allowed if it moves a thread forward —or metagaming, please. Don't kill Deuce either, unless plotted beforehand, and most importantly, don't hold your muse back.

K. Discord is available for mutuals upon request.

L. Just because I write something it does not mean I condone it. Please have this in mind and again, do not pester me about it. Any and all nsfw matters will be tagged accordingly. There will be triggering topics present, and you can know more about this on the section below.

M. DO NOT involve me in drama or call-out posts. I’m heavily against both things. On this note, you’ll never see me rebloging a call-out post. This culture is so damaging and toxic, and I firmly believe no one should play the role of the judge for the good of the community just because you had issues with someone or don’t agree with the things they roleplay. Talk things privately, be mature about it, hard-block the person and move on. I am also very aware that a lot of people have done things that can’t be excused, but I like to believe that people can change for the better. If you try to drag me into it, I'll hard block any and all people involved indefinitely.

II. TRIGGERS.

A. They will be tagged as trigger tw, trigger / and trigger cw.

B. I do my best to stay up to date with my mutuals triggers. Your comfort is way more important to me than you might think, so never be hesitant to approach me via IM, (anonymous) ask or stop following me.

C. Triggers that are likely to appear, although some more than others: violence || blood || death || drugs || abuse || knives || body image || medical equipment || suggestive content || etc

D. I have no triggers, so you are free to go wild with your content. I only ask you remember to tag your nsfw (both written and visual), please.

III. INTERACTIONS.

A. Deuce won't like everyone. He might/will make wrong assumptions about your character. He will insult and bite back. He won't always be nice to those he likes. He does many things that serve his interests. You, as the mun, have no reason to take it personal, because I'm won't follow someone I don't like; if you DO take it personal however, and decide to rouse drama, then I'll be hard-blocking you. Goes for me as well —I have no reason to get angry for any of the things noted above.

B. My bonds page displays the relationships that have been built over time, not necessarily through interaction alone but over plotting as well. Refer to it for more information.

C. Interactions with OCs related to canon characters will only take place as long as said OCs have a detailed about page. Personally, I'm not interested in the idea of an OC being blood-related to my portrayal, so I apologize in advance.

D. Formatting isn’t a big thing across my blogs, save for the small text. Please don’t mix either sup/sub with small text when writing with me, as I have eyesight problems. Don’t use colored text either.

E. Non-romantic pre-established relationships are allowed! Just make sure to talk it out with me first, yeah?

01. Spade / Whitebeard pirates (canon and original characters alike that i am MUTUALS with) will have a pre-established relationship as long as the other mun is comfortable with such idea, though that relationship will be limited to merely crewmates, unless discussed otherwise.

F. You don’t need to match my writing length as long as I’m given enough to work with. If something about my reply bothers or doesn’t work with you, let me know and I’ll re-work it.

G. I really enjoy plotting scenarios or talking out about the relationships my muse could have with other muses, so hit me up if you’ve got any ideas! I’ll try to do the same!

H. Mun does not equal muse, so don’t go assuming I’m a jerk simply because Deuce is an asshole from time to time. I’m set on the idea that I’ll give people the same treatment they give me —which is always nice and kind. Kudos to everyone for this ♡

I. I don’t use a threadtracker because I rely on my memory (terrible mistake, I know), but I try to draft people’s replies as soon as I see them. If by any reason it seems like I lost it, then please let me know / send me a link with it and I’ll be deeply grateful.

J. I don’t do nor reply to greetings starters for matters of my own comfort, so I ask of you to never expect a starter or a reply from them.

IV. SHIPPING.

A. Singleship, with the spot taken by daadzi, which means Deuce is no longer open for romantic relationships.

01. Under no circumstances, I will accept more romantic relationships once the spot is taken. That being said, I won’t discourage your muse from falling for / hitting on him, although I ask you to understand he will never respond with the same interest or will never react gently if he’s pushed too far.

02. If my shipping partner is comfortable enough, I'll interact with duplicates with the condition that the relationship is strictly platonic.

B. Constant interaction, mutual interest, and chemistry are a must for the sake of better communication (both ic and ooc, preferably).

C. Please do not approach me if you wish our characters to have either a: one night stand or friends with benefits type of relationships. It won’t work out due to the nature of Deuce’s personality, and for that I apologize.

E. My ship has its own tag so you're free to block it if you don't want to see it on your dashboard. In addition, I'll also tag those posts with only the ship name for this very purpose.

F. Please do not force ships on me.

V. CELEBRATIONS.

A. First off, I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with dates, and to be frank, I am not the biggest fan of celebrating, which is why I think it’s necessary to say I won’t be partaking in any holidays, not even Deuce’s birthday (not that he has one, to begin with). Obviously I will still reply to any gifts received, and will send out things in return —you know, common courtesy.

B. I won't be sending out birthday gifts every year, and I might write drabbles for people once in a blue moon; it doesn’t mean they will be done for the specific date though, so please be patient.

VI. REASONS TO NOT FOLLOW BACK / UNFOLLOW.

A. Too much drama / call-outs / vague posts / sexual content.

B. Content makes me uncomfortable.

C. You are a personal blog without a visible rp sideblog. Please make sure it's easy to find.

D. You do not have a proper tag system.

E. Your blog doesn’t have a rules and about pages.

F. You lack the manners to deal with people respectfully.

G. I have no interest / lost interest.

H. I'm constantly / only used as a meme archive.

I. Other reasons may apply. I will soft block so we can both cease following each other and avoid any potential awkward situations. I won’t make a fuss if you decide to unfollow so I expect the same courtesy.

VII. ABOUT BEATRICE.

She is not a real person. Her concept as Deuce’s (toxic) pseudolover is my creation and was somewhat inspired from the real life Beatrice Portinari. Do have in mind that Deuce doesn’t talk about her so your muse can’t simply approach him and ask about her unless they can go through his memories / read his mind / any capability alike or he speaks about her, though it won't take a genius to figure out that she's a product of his imagination.

You can read about her by clicking here -link to be added.

She serves as a lie to shield himself from the internalized homophobia he deals with up until meeting Ace.

NOTE: As stated previously, Mun =/= muse, but I too have been dealing with compulsory heterosexuality for far too long, so I'd like to apologize in advance for projecting a bit of that into my portrayal. I'll work so that this part makes sense with what we've been given from Ace's novel.

VIII. MISCELLANEOUS.

A. I will never force people to follow me, so if by any reason you have to unfollow/block me, please go ahead. Your comfort matters and have every right to do what you must to ensure your wellbeing. With that said, I will not tolerate and will immediately hard block if you try to police my content.

B. I do not follow back immediately, and it can take me from a few hours to several days to follow back. Do not take it personally if I choose not to.

C. If I follow it’s because I am interested in interacting. I only ask you to be patient because it might take me a while to gather the courage to send something to your inbox or talk to you.

D. I have. ZERO knowledge about medicine. Don’t expect me to go full force and try to be 100% accurate, because I won’t.

E. I practice reblog karma (send a meme to someone if I’m rebloging it from them). If you see something you’d like to reblog but have no intention in sending something yourself, then please reblog from the source.

IX. FINISH.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! As you might have noticed, there’s no password to send. Make sure to check the psa tag for any updates, or don’t hesitate to send an ask if there’s anything unclear! I do my best so as not to post too much OOC posts, but sometimes it just happens. If it's nothing important, then I'll erase it whenever I have the chance/remember.

Keanu Reeves vc: You’re all breathtaking!

[heloflor]

Ducktales S2 episodes thoughts

So I finally caught up with Ducktales, since I stopped watching in the middle of season 2, right after “Whatever happened to Della Duck”; and I’ve decided to share my thoughts on each episode of the post-hiatus S2 and the episodes of S3 we have so far. So here is season 2 for those who are interested, and yes, this post is going to be long (this is definitely not the most practical way to do it but I don’t want to make one post per episode) :

“Treasure of the Found Lamp!” : not much to say on this one, aside from the fact that this is probably an ‘’’excuse’’’ to show more of the Beagle Boys (when you think about it, these guys barely show up after S1) and that the character of Djinn is pretty cool; I like him.

  “The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck!” : still a delight to see Scrooge and Goldie interact and see how these two are genuinely attracted to each other but their desire for gold prevent them from being together. Though honestly, you can’t convince me that they didn’t date at some point, unless one of the creators (*cough* Frank *cough*) says otherwise. I mean, in season 1, when Goldie is introduced, not only does Scrooge immediately calls her his ex but Goldie is also willing to kiss him 5 minutes into their first meeting in years. Seriously, in season 1, you can tell that these two know they are attractive to the other, they know the effect they have on each other, and it wouldn’t be surprising that they acted upon those feelings at some point, before betraying each other again. Hell, remember the best quote from this episode ?

“You love gold more than you loved me.”

“And that’s why you loved me.”

They’re literally admitting that they’re in love with each other, or at least loved each other at some point.

  “The 87 Cent Solution!” : this episode did not age well. AT ALL. But this aside, the scene with Glomgold showing up during the funeral was one of the most hilarious things this show has done. And speaking of Glomgold, I really like how threatening he was in this. It shows that when he has a plan in mind and the right tools, he can really pull it off. We need more of Glomgold being clever like that (though I’ll admit he is pretty hilarious the way he is and in season 3 we have our lot of serious/threatening villains).

  “The Golden Spear!” : And they were roomates ! But more seriously; speaking of threatening villains : Lunaris is amazing as a strategist villain ! I absolutely love the way he’s able to pass himself as the good guy and manipulate everyone to get what he wants, whether it be Della by asking her for the ‘blueprints’ or his own people by making Della a traitor to their eyes. Hell, even Penumbra is at a loss by the end of the episode and doesn’t seem to know whether she should obey or not. And speaking of Penumbra, her evolution throughout the episode is really great. I especially like how Della is just so oblivious to the hatred Penumbra has for her. Honestly this episode alone is definitely enough justification for the Penny/Della shippers.

As for the “B plot”, it was nice to see a bit more of Donald being a dad, especially with the kids starting to realize the impact their actions can have on him. Though, they made Donald such an interesting and tragic character in this show that I’m not that big of a fan of seeing him get hurt for laughs.

Oh and one last thing about Della : for some reason, that shot of her in the rocket, seeing the earth and crying while saying “mommy’s coming home” gets me very emotional every time I watch it. I think it’s because we know that she spent 10 years trying to get home to meet her kids, facing failure after failure; and finally, after all these hardships, she’s going back with nothing to stop her.

On the same note, Donald’s hope when seeing the rocket and his accidental launch were pretty heartbreaking.

  “Nothing can stop Della Duck!” : Ok, first off, that intro. It is waaay too early in the episode for such feels and I love it ! Although, on one hand I’m a bit disappointed that the boys accept their mom so quickly (I expected a bit more heartbreak) but on the other hand it works because they all have a different reaction that truly fit with their personalities.

Secondly, the way Della is in this episode. It’s perfect. She’s not a mother, this is something the fandom had realized ever since “The Last Crash of the Sunchaser!”. Della had children too early, at a time when she was too immature for such responsibility. And her ten years on the moon, most of them in total isolation, didn’t help making her wiser. So now she’s back, still as immature, but now she has three kids to take care of; and she has no idea what she’s doing. Also, like some people already pointed out last year (or at least it probably was last year), Della doesn’t immediately know about Donald leaving the mansion for a decade. To her, the triplets grew up exactly like she did, hence why she doesn’t think her scary story would terrify them that much.

I also really like how Louie was and how Scrooge and Beakley handled the situation. I like how one of the kids wasn’t completely sold at the thought of their mom being back, and Louie works as the insecure triplet there. As for the adult characters, I love how they both knew that Della needed to learn how to be a parent but at the same time she just arrived, so they kept their distance to let her be with her kids while at the same time being close enough to act if something goes wrong.

Finally, it’s sweet to see how Della is truly willing to learn how to be a good parent, although the road is still very long, even in season 3.

  “Raiders of the Doomsday Vault!” : Nothing much to say about the plot with Glomgold. It’s just Glomgold being Glomgold while Owlson and Scrooge are just done with his shit. As for Della and Dewey, it’s a great plot. We see Della trying to bond with her kids by doing what they like, and it was pretty obvious that Dewey would be the first on the list. After all, he was the first to wonder about his mom and they both share the same thirst for adventure. And it’s great to see how Della doesn’t know her kids’ abilities. So at first, she’s completely fine with putting Dewey in stressful situations; but by the end of it, she realizes how dangerous things are and what she could lose, while Dewey started to believe too much in himself due to what his mother told him, only realizing too late in which situation he put himself in.

So yeah, it was great to see Della discover what her kids are able to do during their adventures, especially their limits.

  “Friendship Hates Magic!” : So, when I watched in 2017-2018, I didn’t really understand where the whole Lena/Webby came from; but seeing this now, I was definitely blind (and it didn’t help that I used to ship Webby and Dewey until I discovered Ace Att//orney and the ‘found siblings’ relationship between Edge//worth and Fran//ziska). Also I’m a bit split on Violet. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good character and I do like how she got interested in studying magic and her personality in general. But at the same time her personality kind of rub me the wrong way, not in a “she’s evil” way but more a “I don’t like her” way. It’s weird.

As for the rest, it’s sweet how Webby tried to be more normal because she’s afraid to lose a new friend, and her reaction to seeing Lena again was adorable. Lena was also really sweet in how much she cares for Webby and wants her to be safe.

As for the B-plot, it was nice seeing Beakley and Launchpad get along, and it’s pretty clever how what brought them together was their liking for heroism.

  “The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!” : Firstly, the kids are still shippers, which is a nice touch.

Secondly, that scene with Beaks and the lasers was amazing. If the scene at Scrooge’s ‘funeral’ is the best Glomgold scene, then the scene with the lasers is the best Mark Beaks scene so far.

Thirdly, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that Launchpad is pansexual. I mean, if a person can date anyone regardless of species, then gender shouldn’t be much of an issue. Also Launchpad mentions in his ‘list’ a wereduck and a ninja, which are often considered as male (by that I mean that, while werewolves and ninjas can be both male/man and female/woman, when you think of one of them you’ll have a tendency to see them as masculine, because that’s how they are represented in media most of the time). He also mentions a clone of himself, so another same-sex relationship; and a talking cloud of energy, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t have a gender to begin with. So yeah. Pansexual Launchpad. Or at least non-straight Launchpad. And speaking of Launchpad, I like how he can tell that Fenton isn’t smooth at all and puts some music on to prevent the duo to be forced to talk; it’s a pretty sweet gesture. Honestly it’s great how Launchpad is often seen as a complete idiot but then you have those specific ‘fields’ in which he knows and lot and can really shine (*cough* the next episode *cough*).

Update after lurking on Tumblr : apparently there’s an LGBT+ Ducktales event and a member of the crew made an art about Launchpad and all the people he dated (including his clone and the cloud of energy and I love this person for adding this); and given the appearance of several of them, it’s clear that this guy is pan. By the way if you want to see the art just time “Ducktales love is like a hurricane” on Tumblr and you’ll find it.

Fourthly, the “It’s a date” song is great and catchy.

Fifthly, the fact that DR. Atmosphere feels insulted by Fenton not giving much effort really works with him being a reference to Doofenshmirtz. After all, in Phineas and Ferb, we see that Heinz is just a lonely guy who truly likes Perry and takes their relationship seriously, between writing his monologues to making big musical numbers to complain when Perry isn’t there at the right time (and yes, by season 4, being evil is more of a job to him than an actual wish to dominate the Three-State Area).

Finally, the heart of this episode : Fenton. This episode worked well in how it develops how Fenton views his new role as a popular hero. We especially see how he struggles to balance his two lives and his relationships, wishing to be liked for who he is as a person instead of as a hero. It’s also interesting how much work he does as a hero, to the point of not really caring anymore about being dramatic and saying catchphrases and all that yada-yada. His relationship with Gandra is also pretty nice, although it is very predictable and by the end of the episode, I’m not even sure if they do end up together ? Like, Gandra talks about a second date but it’s just a trick to get Fenton to say the code thing; and though she does help at the end and give Fenton the right ‘formula’ (she draws a molecule so yeah, formula) for his invention, she still leaves without much words and seems to have taken the original ball (I think ?). Though, the idea of them dating could be very interesting in regards of her afflictions with F.O.W.L.

  “The Duck Knight Returns!” : so, first off, I never saw an episode of Darkwing Duck before seeing the recent fanart of the dt17 fandom. I more or less knew the show existed as a kid (there was a channel with old Disney shows in the early 2000s) because I remember there was another show than Ducktales that had Launchpad in it but I didn’t like his character at that time so I never watched. But I recently started watching and I have to say, the most surprising thing about it has to be the fact that Drake has a girlfriend because holy shit this show is gay ! Seriously ! Two guys, living together and raising a child together, having tons of domestic moments. Whoever wrote this show had no gaydar whatsoever ! And honestly this makes the whole thing hilarious. But shipping aside, the show’s pretty good. It has different villains with different goals and personalities, they decided to make the action cartoonish, which works well, and the show has some pretty good and hilarious quotes there and there. But what really makes this show a great one has to be the domestic moments, especially the relationship between Drake and Gosalyn. These two are adorable and their father/daughter relationship is both wholesome and feels realistic. On the same note, it’s great to see how a show from the 90s was breaking the gender norms not only by making a single father character (or, if you see Launchpad as a father figure too, you could say making two men be parents) but also by having a girl be a tomboy without it being seen as an issue by anyone (except for like one episode). So yeah, Darkwing Duck’s a pretty good show and if you like the duckverse and haven’t seen it yet, you should give it a watch !

Now, onto the actual Ducktales episode. It’s really great. I won’t talk much about it because pretty sure it’s been talked a lot already but yeah, it’s a great way to introduce Drake and give a backstory to Negaduck. Though my favorite thing about this episode has to be Launchpad. I love how he knows from the beginning that Jim’s plan is bad but still feels like he should roll with it because the guy’s his idol. I especially like the detail of Launchpad covering the eyes of the Scrooge logo while breaking into the studio. Also the “I’m trapped in a prison of guilt !” line. I also really like his interactions with Drake, especially at the end when he inspires him to become Darkwing. It really shows that, while Launchpad’s an idiot most of the time, when he’s truly passionate about something, a much more smooth and clever side of him shines (seriously during that part when he inspires Drake to become a hero, he sounds so smooth and yet it seems to come so naturally. And you can tell how much respect it makes Drake have for him with the way he looks at Launchpad when putting his hat on).

One last thing to say about this episode : there’s that scene right before Jim tries to trap Drake in which Dewey and Launchpad talk about how things are currently going for them; and when Dewey talks about how excited the whole ‘making a movie’ thing is for him, for some reason I absolutely love the animation of Dewey jumping into Launchpad’s arms while Launchpad tries not to drop him. I don’t know, it just feels really ‘fluid’ or something (I have no idea what’s the language for animation) but yeah, props to the animators for that moment.

  “What Ever Happened to Donald Duck?!” : First off, the highlight of this episode is definitely the speech about Donald going to a therapist to control his anger. It’s simply amazing to have a children cartoon show a character having issues and deciding to deal with them in a healthy way, and it’s great to see Dewey realizing how much Donald does for him and his brothers and being touched by it. It’s also a great lesson about how you can’t make your anger magically disappear but you can work to deal with it in the best way possible.

As for the scenes on the moon, between Lunaris being extremely manipulative and planning everything, Penumbra trying to do what she believes is best and Donald’s determination to go home and parental instincts shining through, it was a really enjoyable episode. Not much to say about Dewey and Webby though. It’s just Dewey and Webby being Dewey and Webby.

  “Happy Birthday, Doofus Drake!” : Doofus is still as terrifying as before, Goldie is still the same gold-driven robber as usual, Louie is still looking for an easy way to get rich, Glomgold is still doing weird schemes and Beaks is still relying on technology too much. So overall, not much to say aside from it’s a great and fun episode; the scene at the end with Scrooge and Louie is sweet and Boyd is a precious baby. Also I still love Goldie’s character and it’s great to see Doofus’ parents finally be free from their son’s creepy bullshit. Also also, seeing Della bond with Huey was really sweet, especially how she was willing for a while to stay with him and his garden despite how boring it was to her.

  “A Nightmare on Killmotor Hill!” : again, not much to say. We get to see more of Violet’s character, along with what the kids dream of, which is a good way to reinforce their personalities but also their desires and fears (I especially like Dewey’s dream having him cry on the moon, it’s a great touch given that he spent an entire season trying to find more about his mom). And obviously, we get to see more of Lena and how afraid she is to be a bad person. I also like how it’s unclear by the end whether or not she can control her magic, which left room for season 3 to expand upon. It’s also great how by the end of the episode, her biggest comfort didn’t come from her friends but from seeing by herself the state in which Magica currently is. I don’t know why but I’d say it makes the whole thing more realistic ? Like, there’s only so much friends can do to help you, but seeing your abuser being in a terrible state is a much more direct proof that there’s nothing to fear.

  “The Golden Armory of Cornelius Coot!” : again, not much. It’s a classic fun episode with the kids trying to solve a mystery while some bad guys are on their tail. Though, I really like the whole thing with Webby trying to be more like Della, with Della starting to be a bit of a mom to her. I also liked seeing Della and Launchpad interact more and it’s still funny to see how the ship that so many people liked in season 1 is slowly fading away as we see Della having a hard time accepting Launchpad and as we have Tumblr remember how much it likes gay ships with the introduction of Penumbra and Drake (by the way, I’m not saying that Della/Launchpad is a bad ship; it’s just that I find it funny to see how quick a fandom is to change their opinion on shipping, especially when ‘gay options’ are created).

Although, Della felt a bit uncharacteristically cold and aggressive towards Launchpad, especially when compared to how she was with Dewey in “Raiders of the Doomsday Vault!”. But I guess it has to do with how she felt like Launchpad replaced her, making her more protective over her plane and her talent as a pilot.

  “Timephoon!” : so I have no memory of Bubba (the caveman duck) from the old Ducktales so I can’t compare him. But from what I’ve seen in this episode, he’s fine. Not the best character but he works as a one-off character and I wouldn’t mind a cameo or two in the future (as long as it’s not an entire episode focused on him because that would get boring pretty quickly).

Now, for the rest of the episode, I want to talk about Della, because she’s clearly the most interesting part here. Della was gone for a decade, she barely knows anything about her kids, especially the mischiefs they can get into, and that’s what the episode plays into. Della discovers that her kids don’t just get into danger from adventuring, they can put themselves in danger, more or less voluntary. And the way she reacts to it (along with the season finale) makes it feels like Donald and her never or rarely got into these kinds of situations, although Beakley’s line near the end of the episode might say otherwise. And speaking of which, I really appreciate how Scrooge and Beakley were when Della scolded Dewey. At first, Beakley was ready to step in when Louie made the comment of Della not being better than him; but Della made it clear that she needed to do it on her own. And afterwards, we see both Scrooge and Beakley respect her decision and staying silent as Louie is pleading them to step in. They know that Della needs to learn to be a good mother so they respect and support her decision. Though, if you search the name of the episode on Tumblr, there’s a post about how Della went too far given her current relationship with Louie, though it isn’t her fault as she doesn’t know him enough. You should try finding this post, it’s definitely worth giving it a read ! And yeah, there’s also a lot of other posts talking about the issue with much more analysis than I do so if you’re interested, go read the discourse on Tumblr.

  “GlomTales!” : first off, they used the takeover as the intro and I love every second of it !

Secondly, Della….yikes. Yeah. Grounding Louie was the right decision to make but forcing him to stay trapped in a room with a dangerous robot guarding him and ‘taunting’ him with recordings telling him about how much he fucked up, all the while the rest of the family is in vacation in a place he dreamed of visiting…I think you get the point. They went way too far with the punishment, so it’s no surprise when Louie wants to join the bad guys who let him do all the scheming he wants. And while Della accepted his personality more by the end of the episode, these two still need to connect more.

Speaking of the bad guys, they were pretty fun in this episode. I like how their different personalities and knowledge led them to act with each other. I especially liked Magica trying to get back her former glory and overstepping on Glomgold for the role of leader, Glomgold who is still as dramatic and dumb as ever while having actually smart schemes and I love it.

  “The Richest Duck in the Word!” : while the structure of the episode was pretty cliché (character suddenly has tons of powers but doesn’t realize the responsibilities that go with it), the ending with Louie and Scrooge was really sweet and satisfying. Honestly the season is supposed to be about Louie having a company and yet he and Scrooge didn’t have that many interactions (they still had some, but they could have more) so it’s really sweet to see them solve an issue linked to Scrooge’s company together.

And let’s not forget that Owlson finally stood up for herself and quitted (good for her honestly, she deserves a job where she can be happy and get what she wants done) and that Launchpad actually managed to land a plane without crashing (and it’s not even acknowledged !).

  “Moonvasion!” : the season finale, aka the one that should have its own post. You know what ? I’ll put the review here and, eventually, I’ll split it into its own post if it’s requested.

So, Moonvasion. Where to start. Ok, first off, it was an amazing episode. Just like the first finale, this was possibly the best episode of the season (depending of your point of view though, tastes and expectations are different). It was great to see so many characters come together and fight together, all with different fighting methods. I especially like Fenton’s mom being a protective badass, Beakley being a total badass and Gyro with his clone army (I especially love his line when everyone is debating on what to do and he’s like “Simple. Clone. Army.”. I just love the delivery here).

Secondly, I really like how they expended on Della there. As we’ve seen in previous episodes, Della still doesn’t know her kids and their abilities; so in the face of danger, she’d rather flee to protect her. On the other hand, Donald trust the kids to defend themselves and immediately starts strategizing with them. And speaking of Donald, I love how they acknowledge how much and how well he took care of the kids with the line about Della’s lullaby. In general, that entire sequence on the island with the twins and their kids (no incest intended) was probably the best part of the episode, along with the big fight with everyone and that “Hey kids.” line from Scrooge near the end. Oh yeah, and also the space fight with the moon theme playing and the family working together with the twins fighting and Scrooge being happy to have his angry babies back. This entire sequence was also amazing. And when Penumbra shows up, I love how she’s using the original spear of Selene. Again, just like last finale, the crew outdid themselves.

Another thing that I can praise here is Glomgold. I really love how they made his weird schemes work out. I also love how not only did he do this to help but he also used the situation to spite Scrooge by trolling him. Also earth baby jail. Just earth baby jail.

And speaking of strategists, I absolutely adore Lunaris in this episode. This guy was truly prepared for anything Scrooge could send him and it’s great.

Another character that I’d like to mention in this episode is Drake. Basically, watching the episode again, I’m pretty sure that guy has no fucking clue on what to do. I mean, we see him show up at Launchpad’s place at the beginning of the invasion, then he’s at the meeting with the others and gives ideas that show he’s much more on the theatrics parts of being a hero, which is fitting with him being an actor (side note that I forgot to mention earlier : I really appreciate that they made Drake an actor. It really fits with how overly dramatic he was in the old show; and it could play with his ego as well, though DT17 Drake doesn’t seem to have that big of an ego). Then, before the giant fight, he’s on a car with Launchpad and once Scrooge takes his place in it, Drake still holds onto it. And by the end of the second act, he’s trying to fight with Launchpad helping him. In other words, Drake spends the entire episode glued to Launchpad. So personally, I interpret it as Drake not really knowing what to do so, since Launchpad is the one who inspired him to be a hero in the first place and is the only one taking him seriously, Drake is going to try to stay with him and have him as support. And yeah, overall, the joke about nobody knowing who the fuck Drake is was pretty hilarious.

Finally, because no episode is perfect, here’s a few details that, while not making the episode any less amazing, still bother me a bit.

- When Della left Duckburg on a gigantic plane, how come no Moonlanders tried to follow her ? Hell, we know they came to her specifically and we see later that Lunaris was able to see her position; so what gives ? And even when they’re in Egypt, though I can understand why they wouldn’t try to follow since they only have one ship. But still, Della was able to fly for possibly hours before getting attacked, and they only got attacked because they landed on a place that was about to be invaded !

- What happened to Drake after he fainted ? Like, don’t get me wrong, I understand while we stop seeing him. After Scrooge see the landing of the ship, we get into the third act, which seems to take place a few hours after the previous scene (given that several characters changed clothing and it started freezing). And I know that, since it’s the third act, they only wanted the main characters to play a role. But still, one minute we see Drake faint into Launchpad’s arms and the next Launchpad arrives alone saying everyone was captured. So what happened to Drake ? I see three possibilities, all with a few flaws : A) Launchpad ditched Drake/the two split up. Let’s be honest, this didn’t happen. Launchpad would never let an injured person behind, especially not someone he admires so much. B) Launchpad tried to find a safe place to hide Drake so that the guy can rest; but given that they’re in an invasion, finding such a spot could be very hard. C) During the time between the two acts, they got attacked by Moonlanders and either Drake was too weak to fight and got captured or he basically sacrificed himself so that Launchpad can go try to find Scrooge; with a “He needs you more than me” move. But, again, it would feel weird for Launchpad to abandon someone but then again, if it’s for the sake of everyone by trying to find his boss, I guess it could happen. This scenario would even fit with the “everyone got captured” line. Though, if Launchpad and Drake got attacked which led to them being separated, then we were robbed of a perfectly good action scene !

- There’s a shot at some point where you can see Doofus and his family and I have two questions there : 1. Why are the parents still wearing the maid outfits (and why do they keep doing it in season 3) ? and 2. Can’t Boyd do anything to help them ? Like, I know he believes he’s a real boy but that doesn’t stop him from having some pretty powerful defense mechanisms.

Update (before the post was made; I know) : so I ended up wasting 4 hours of my life reading all of Frank’s answers that I hadn’t seen yet (the things asperger makes you do…) and apparently Doofus burned his parents’ other clothes. Still doesn’t explain Boyd tho.

- During the fight in space, when the Duck family started to lose, they took a few damages before finding themselves behind the rocket. So, if they were to take damage anyways, why couldn’t Della immediately pull them on the side to get out of the way instead of heading to certain doom ? And yes I completely understand that it was a very stressful situation so she did the first thing she had in mind. Honestly that last flaw is the one that bothers me the less in a characters’ standpoint, though it still feels like plot convenience.

  So that’s all for season 2 ! Again, I could put the finale on its own post if requested. As for season 3, it’d be in a second post. This one is long enough. The post for season 3 will most likely be split in half, with the last episode talked about depending on which episode airs last before the post is made.

[mirroredglitch]

On the Topic of "Friends"

After seeing the post that @fiftyshadesofdes made last night, I finally have the courage to discuss more thoroughly my experience with someone in the Mystic Messenger fandom. I would like to start with saying that if you got a notification for this post, it is because you are involved in some way. A few names shall be omitted for the sole reason that I don't want backlash from them specifically, but still.

This is going to get rather long, so, under a cut it goes!!

Many of you who follow me know that I was good friends with someone who writes a... decently well known fic involving the Choi twins. And some who I have talked more extensively with will know that this person and I are no longer friends.

I have to start from the beginning though, because although things got extra bad towards the end, there were events that happened along the way that hurt me deeply as well, and that I realize now were manipulative and abusive.

This person and I met through tumblr. I started following them after binge reading a few of their fics. And surprisingly, they followed me back. I was stunned, honestly. Someone I admired had noticed me! Me, who hasn't been active in any fandom in a long time, got in with someone I admired rather quickly.

They invited me to a server on Discord, and we talked more and more. Eventually becoming really, really good friends. I had never connected with someone as quickly as I did with them. We clung to eachother, in a way that I realize now was ultimately rather unhealthy.

I defended them when a 'friend' of theirs insisted on belittling them in the server. Like, I ripped into this person. I don't tolerate bullying, and if I see injustice of any kind, then I speak up. So that's what I did. And this person appreciated that. Probably too much, since this ultimately bit me in the ass later, but I'll get to that.

We, and a few other friends, started a fandom project. This project was met with... a lot of drama and controversy. We lost a friend in the process, and a few of our contributors left rather quickly. But we stuck with it. I would have defended that project and the people who were part of it with my life. And for a good chunk of it, I felt I had to. I answered asks, some of which were honestly nasty. I put out our PR announcements, and was met with some backlash with some of it.

I started to become friends with one of our contributors, @casualpastelgay. We had a shared love of Zen, and I was so, so happy to have someone to gush with about him, because my other friend disliked him so heavily. So I stopped talking about him with them, because I always seemed to be met with annoyance and animosity when I talked about him. Because he wasn't Saeyoung, and because this person also associated Zen with an ex-friend of theirs (the same one I defended them against previously).

I invited Raine into a server I made for my friends. And we talked about Zen in there. As well as discussing Vanderwood with @lokiiwood. My other friend decided that because we weren't talking about Saeyoung or Saeran, that they no longer had a voice. I was accused of replacing them as my best friend with Raine. I was made to feel awful for having friends other than them.

I had to deal with this while being sick, and camping with my (now ex) boyfriend and his family. I had to deal with dysphoria, and being misgendered and dead named, as well as the anxiety that I felt like my friendship with this person was crumbling for reasons I didn't even know. Because they weren't talking to me about why they were upset.

If I recall, shortly before this, I had started working on a Choi Sandwich fic that was meant to be a gift for this person. But, I was dealing with stress and so focused my attention to discussing an idea that was deeply important to me involving Zen. And I was bitched out for even thinking of an idea that wasn't this gift for them. Something that was meant as a stress reliever was treated with contempt by someone who I believed had my back.

They actually left my discord server because they were so upset at me.

The nail in the coffin on this? They had been complaining about how another friend acted jealous towards our friendship, and how they just wanted to be allowed to have other friends... but then turned around and acted the exact same way towards me.

We worked out our shit though, and I thought things were fine. But they threw a fit when I started getting closer with Karin/@lokiiwood as well. I had... a massive crush on her and they knew that, and got upset that I was talking to her as much as I did??

All throughout this, things were going... weird with the project we were modding. @fiftyshadesofdes had joined our team, as well as a few others, but I mention Des specifically because this person was truly awful to her. They got upset when one of our other friends starting getting close to Des and her date mate, @joz-stankovich. I heard numerous times how they thought that Joz and Des were petty and childish. And they misgendered Joz numerous times, which I got frustrated hearing, too. Because if they couldn't use their preferred pronouns, how could I expect this person to use mine when talking to others? As a trans guy, this deeply upset me, but, I held my tongue.

It reached the point where they were actually trash talking the art and writing of these two in private to me. Which was disheartening because they spoke so highly of them prior to Joz and Des deciding that they needed to step away from this person.

One of our other friends had also stopped talking to them for a while because of how they were being treated. And good lord... the amount of times I was complained to about how childish they were being. And how hurt they felt by this person... was honestly overwhelming. Remember how I mentioned earlier that my need to help bit me in the ass? Yeah, I went and talked to this person, and helped the two of them repair their friendship. It felt good to help, but now I feel as though my kindness and need to help was taken advantage of.

While all this was going on, I had to take a step back from the fandom project. I had a lot of life changes going on, and my mental health was getting extremely bad. To the point where I genuinely wanted to kill myself. I had split up with my boyfriend. I moved back in with my mom and brother. My grandmother passed away. My life was honestly a mess.

This person was by me through all of that. The mod team understood why I needed to take a break.

And then I got a new job. And I met my current boyfriend. And I stopped being online as much. I tried to message friends when I could, providing updates. Life was looking up.

My friend ignored me. Every single time I messaged them.

Until they finally responded, getting very upset with me for not being around. For 'abandoning' them. I got upset in return, and I lashed out. I think them getting upset with me for being happy and having a life was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

I was told I was being replaced on the Choi Sandwich Week mod team. Because I couldn't be trusted to commit to it. So I left the blog and gave them full control. I transferred ownership of the discord server for it to them and left. I was so hurt that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.

They left all of our other mutual servers in return.

A few days later I was informed by the current head of our fandom project that I would not be credited as part of the team because it was unfair to the others for me to be credited when I was taking a mental health break. Despite all the work I put into handling things on the blog. Despite the fact that I had been a part of this project from its conception. I had been through hell and back for this project, and this is what I got in return?

I told myself I was okay with that. And then a day or two later I saw that my ability to see all the channels in the server for this project had been revoked. And I was so deeply upset that I just... gave up. I left. I was done being treated like a villain for doing what I felt I needed to. I had been told that my not being credited had nothing to do with my personal relationships with anyone in the team, but the fact that it was mentioned, and what happened afterwards just proves that it absolutely did.

After our fight, I had made the decision to block this person on tumblr and twitter. And I made a post about how a good friend had hurt me. I was upset and I needed to vent. Joz, Des, and Karin were there for me. Joz and Des being surprising to me at the time because I thought they disliked me for being as close with this person as I was. I was pleasantly surprised that they were so open and accepting of me when I reached out to them.

Some time later, I tried to reach out to this person again though. Because I was hurting. How does one go from being best friends to practically hating eachother overnight like that?

I got bitched out for defending myself. For venting. For blocking them when I assumed they wanted nothing to do with me. I was the bad guy once again.

I also found out recently that they hurt my friend @aromaticboar as well. I don't know if they even realized they did it, but still. I know she's done chasing down their friendship, and so am I.

I will not name this person in this post, but anyone who wants to know is welcome to send me a DM. To those of you who know who I'm talking about... thank you for being by my side while I pulled myself together again after I was hurt.

And to anyone who has been manipulated or emotionally abused, by this person or anyone else... know that you are not alone. I stand by you and am always open to talk.

Thanks for listening.

[jennycalendar]

imperfections (47/?)

read it on ao3!

as y’all know, i can’t promise regular updates, bc my motivation for this fic is absolutely bonkers. fingers crossed we see another chapter soon, tho, bc i had a lot of fun writing again!

As it turned out, Ms. Calendar had set aside a hefty file of articles and manuscripts about something called the First Evil, marking it re: Angel’s return, which would have made researching a lot faster if they’d found it right off the bat. It took five hours of reading all the useless stuff before Xander went into Giles’s office to look for pizza money and came out with a very resigned expression, holding the file out in front of him. Still, Buffy figured it had given Giles and Ms. Calendar more than enough of a break, even if it had been at everyone else’s expense.

Cordelia thought differently. “She could have at least mentioned that she’d taken literally all the useful stuff and hidden it,” she complained as they pulled up in front of Giles and Ms. Calendar’s place. It was still pretty weird to think of it as Giles and Ms. Calendar’s place instead of just Ms. Calendar’s place, but—weird in a good way. Like how Buffy felt when Faith flipped her hair or applied lipstick all slow. Or, okay, not that, but that was the only other weird-but-good feeling Buffy could think of.

Off topic. “We gave Ms. Calendar a break,” Buffy reminded Cordelia. “She probably didn’t think all the Angel stuff would come up again.”

“Thank you,” said Faith. “Don’t give Jen a hard time. She flips out every time Angel’s mentioned. If she thought she could help, she would have.”

Cordelia huffed, but she looked somewhat placated as she parked the car.

Buffy got out first, then opened the door for Willow and Faith, waiting in particular for the latter. “Hey,” she said. “Are you doing anything for Christmas?”

Faith blinked, then blushed. “Uh, yeah, actually,” she said. “Giles is having a whole not-Christmas dinner—”

“Oh, you’re going to that,” said Buffy, feeling stupid. “I kinda forgot you live with Giles now too.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, my mom wanted to know if any of my friends wanted to come over for Christmas,” Buffy began, “but now I’m starting to wonder if she and I could drop in on Giles and Ms. Calendar’s not-Christmas dinner.”

Faith looked a little surprised. “But you were gonna invite me to Christmas with your mom?”

“Yeah,” said Buffy. She felt like she might be blushing too. “Things have been really weird with Angel lately, and they kinda seem to be just getting worse, but—you’ve been really, really cool about it, and you didn’t have to be. So…thanks.”

“Hey, sure,” said Faith, giving her a small, encouraging smile. “Slayers gotta stick together, right?”

The door opened. “I thought I heard reckless driving,” said Giles, squinting at Cordelia in a way that would have been reproving if he didn’t have like fifty hickeys on his neck. Ew. “You do know that there’s a speed limit for a reason, yes?”

“Can you tell your girlfriend that next time she’s got important information, it’d be great if she didn’t hide it in your office?” Cordelia shot back.

Giles considered this. “Touché.”

“Wait, you guys knew?” Xander objected.

“We figured it out about ten minutes ago, if that helps at all,” Ms. Calendar added, peering out from behind Giles. “Also, Rupert made dinner, if you all want to take a break.”

But Oz frowned. “Uh, I hate to break it to you guys,” he said, “but there’s like eight of us, and your kitchen table only has three chairs. I’m really not seeing how a Scooby dinner is gonna be possible when you have a three-person kitchen plus all those boxes in the living room.”

For some reason, Ms. Calendar and Giles both blushed, not looking at each other. “Well, I mean, we’re making it work,” said Ms. Calendar, at the same time that Giles said, “It’s a tight fit, but it seems the most reasonable—”

“Oh,” said Cordelia. “You guys are pretending to be all casual. Listen, you’re clearly the worst kind of sappy about each other, and Giles keeps on trying to kill Angel every time the guy so much as looks at Ms. Calendar, so what’s so bad about moving into a bigger house? I mean, it’s not like Giles is gonna throw away all his books to make room for us. The man wears tweed on his days off.”

Ms. Calendar and Giles exchanged a very resigned look. “So that’s a no to the dinner, then, Cordelia?” said Giles.

“Hey, I’m all about free food,” said Xander, and pushed past both Giles and Ms. Calendar into the house.

The kitchen-table thing was solved when Ms. Calendar brought a few extra folding chairs out of a hall closet, though Faith and Buffy did end up having to sit on the counter together. Ms. Calendar came over and sat with them after a few minutes, though mostly she just let Faith steal food off her plate. “Should we talk research now or later?” she asked the room at large.

“Ugh, later,” said Cordelia.

“Now, I think, is best,” said Giles. “It’ll be brief. Jenny’s resources are quite thorough.” The last part was said in the same way most normal people would say Jenny’s super hot, which was extremely disturbing.

“Yeah, this file’s really comprehensive!” Willow piped up, sifting through the various printouts. “There’s this one bit about the guys who conjure up the First—maybe those are the people making your dreams all weird!”

Thinking back to one of her more recent (and more R-rated) dreams, Buffy winced. “Can I see those guys?” she asked, hopping off the counter to peer over Willow’s shoulder. Sure enough, the pencil sketches looked a lot like the weird priest-y guy who had showed up when she and Angel were—well. “Great,” she said. “Now I know whose teeth I’m gonna kick in.”

“The only problem with that is us not knowing where they are,” Xander pointed out. “We could hit up Willy, maybe, you know, intimidate him?”

Ms. Calendar took a sip of tea to hide her smile. Faith, biting back a grin, said, “Yeah, Xander, you go kick Willy’s ass for us.”

“I don’t think that that’ll be necessary,” Giles began.

“You don’t think I can take Willy?” Xander squared up, raising his fists like a boxer and nearly knocking over his glass of milk. “I can take him! I’m tough—”

“We’re not disputing your manliness, Xander,” said Willow, giggling. “It’s just that Ms. Calendar marked off a lot of stuff about them already.”

“Yeah, I think you guys are overestimating my research,” said Ms. Calendar, setting her mug down to cross the room as well. Faith followed. “Most of that stuff I marked off is vague, prophetic Watcher crap. No offense, honey,” she added to Giles.

“None taken,” said Giles.

“So I get to go intimidate Willy?” Xander asked hopefully.

Ms. Calendar and Giles exchanged a look. Then Giles said, “Take Faith with you.”

Xander punched the air in victory and really did knock over his milk. Giles and Ms. Calendar let out identical shrieks and dived for the research, nearly upending the table in their haste to get it all out of the way. Most of the milk ended up landing on Cordelia, who (to everyone’s surprise) nodded resignedly, kissed Xander on the cheek, and said to Willow, “It really is just a hazard of dating him.”

Faith finished dinner and headed into her room to change. If she was going to some demon bar, she didn’t want to wear the extra-nice sweater, no matter how good it looked with her leather jacket. But just as she was taking off her shirt, the door opened, and then she heard Buffy gasp, “Oh, oh no, oh my gosh I should have knocked—”

“Easy, B,” said Faith, pulling off the sweater and beginning to fold it as she turned around. “We’ve both been in a girls’ locker room before. Shut the door, will ya?”

Buffy obliged, but she did it without looking away from Faith. Specifically, without looking away from Faith’s bra. “That’s a nice bra,” she said in a squeaky voice. “Is it a push-up bra?”

“Have you been in a girls’ locker room before?” said Faith, bewildered. “Didn’t peg you for the type to get all freaked by a chick without her shirt on. Maybe if I wasn’t wearing a bra—”

“So anyway,” said Buffy very loudly, “I, uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that the rest of us are gonna be pulling an all-nighter seeing how we can stop the First. Giles and Ms. Calendar both say that I’ve gotta beat up the Bringers, but they want to make sure the Bringers don’t have any secret strengths or anything, and, and are you going to put a shirt on?”

“You were talking to me, remember?” Faith reminded her, amused, then hesitated. Going to a demon bar was okay enough, but pulling an all-nighter with the rest of the Scoobies actually sounded a lot more her speed. “Hey,” she said. “Would it be okay if we swapped Slayer jobs? I haven’t really been feeling the whole seedy-bar thing lately.”

Buffy blinked, surprised. “Okay,” she said. “Research duty can be kind of boring, though.”

“Eh,” said Faith, smiling a little awkwardly. Research was boring. Spending time with a whole bunch of people in a warm house more than made up for that. “I’ll manage. Plus, you seem like you could do with some info-finding that’s a little more solid than books right now.”

Buffy nodded, smiling back. She looked a little sad. “Kinda, yeah,” she said. “All this stuff with Angel is really hard to deal with when I don’t know how to stop it. And if he’s enough of a danger to hurt Ms. Calendar—” Her smile faded and she looked down.

“Easy, B,” said Faith again, softer and less playful, and she crossed the room to place a hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

Buffy stilled at her touch, looking up. There was a quiet, nervous look on her face. “You’re still not wearing a shirt,” she said in a small voice.

“That a turn-off for you?” teased Faith lightly.

“Kinda the opposite,” said Buffy. Before Faith could completely process what had just happened, Buffy turned bright red, then said very fast, “Okay I gotta go help Xander with the demon thing see you later bye!” and bolted, leaving the door wide open as she ran.

Faith pulled her sweater back over her head, still staring. She thought about Buffy staring at her bra, and Buffy holding her hand, and all the weird, awkward moments that Faith had chalked up to a curious straight girl, and then she thought about how Buffy’s brand of “curious straight girl” really seemed one hell of a lot more like “bi girl in denial.”

“Huh,” she said, and tried to stop grinning. She had a feeling Jen would pick up on the cause of her stupid, unstoppable smile.

It was about one in the morning when an extremely frustrated Buffy called them from a pay phone. “All I got out of Willy was that they’re underground,” she said. “Which really, really isn’t a lot to go on. Any luck on your end?”

“Unfortunately not,” said Giles ruefully. “We’ve found bits and pieces of information about the Bringers themselves, but not quite as much about where they might be located. We’ll keep you posted, but for now—take the night off. Get some rest.”

“Will do,” Buffy agreed, sounding a little disheartened. “You too.”

Giles hung up. “Buffy says they’re underground,” he informed the group. Willow had already fallen asleep on the sofa, and Cordelia and Xander were snuggled on the floor, but Jenny, Oz, and Faith all gave him varying nods of response without looking up from their own books. “Is there anything that any of you have found in Jenny’s notes?”

“Not a lot,” said Faith. “Most of it is just dumb poetic shit. Like—” She put on an affected, Shakespearean accent, “For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or below them. No seed shall flower—”

“Hold on,” said Xander, pulling himself up and off the floor to rub at his eyes. Cordelia made an indignant noise. “Ms. Calendar, remember when we went down to check out discount Christmas trees at, like, the one lot in town, and there were a bunch of dead ones that the guy was selling off for next to nothing? He said they’d just up and died in early December and he didn’t know why—”

“I remember that lot!” Jenny snapped her fingers, pointing at Xander. “We were gonna surprise everyone with a Christmas tree, but all of them were either dead or expensive so we just gave up and went home!”

“Nothing shall grow above,” said Faith significantly.

“Or below,” Jenny finished, then stood up. “Let’s go get some Bringers.”

[noahcdaily]

Noah Centineo, Shameless Heartthrob

My date with the best thirst architect the internet’s ever seen.

Now, I put my hand here,” Noah Centineo instructs as he slides his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. “And then we walk a little, like this.” He leads me around the Coney Island Aquarium like that: hip to hip, smiling at each other, his hand, to reiterate, in the back pocket of my jeans. I’ve just shamelessly asked him to re-create his signature move from Netflix’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, an adaptation of Jenny Han’s YA novel, in which he plays Peter Kavinsky, the high-school jock at the center of the film’s romantic plotline. I watched the movie and mentally flagged this scene — where he’s trying to convince a cafeteria full of students he’s dating the protagonist, Lara Jean Covey (Lana Condor) — as the one that made me wonder, Who is that guy? It’s a moment that belongs in a clip reel of classic, chemistry-laden movie moments, and I, a journalist, wondered if it could inspire the same feelings when executed in real life.

Centineo tells me how he totally improvised the move during filming. It was a thing he used to do with his ex-girlfriend. They’d be walking around, like we are now, and he’d realized he could sort of dance her around by the pocket and turn her, “just like this,” and boom, propelled by just a tug on my pocket, I’m suddenly facing him. We’re pelvis to pelvis. He’s smiling, comfortably, and I’m confronted with his hazel eyes, the scent of clean laundry, and pure pheromones. I sort of squeal, I think? Who can say, because I definitely black out for a second.

If I seem thirsty, well, isn’t that the point? At 22, Centineo is the most effective, addictive sort of heartthrob: the kind who absolutely loves being one, the kind who does everything in his power to make us thirst harder than we’ve ever thirsted before — and, yeah, it works. When the movie came out in August, Noah Centineo was immediately, breathlessly given the title of Internet’s Boyfriend. Now, with his second Netflix rom-com, Sierra Burgess Is a Loser, in which he plays yet another lovable, evolved jock, Centineo has graduated to full-on cultural obsession.

In less than a month his Instagram followers went from just under 800,000 to 9.5 million. In the movie, his character drives crosstown to buy his love interest her favorite Korean yogurt drinks — and no joke — Yakult stock has been going up. This man’s floppy hair is actually driving the market. He’s been stalked by fans and now employs an omnipresent security guard named Dave. He’s been the subject of a leaked nude scandal (“I understand why you have to ask that question,” he demurred when I asked him about a certain video that’s been making the rounds. “I just hope you understand why I’m not gonna answer it.”). His Twitter mentions are an anthology of fantasies — some chaste and some really not — written by women of all ages. “Tell them all to hit my line,” he says with a laugh.

We decide to tour the aquarium, where I’m idly waiting for him in the lobby when he walks in shirtless. Shirtless. Without a shirt. Holding his black T-shirt in his hand, instead of wearing it on his torso, which I can see right now. With my eyes. He has a real reason. He’s just been outside, taking pictures on a boardwalk in nearly 100-degree weather. But even with a rational explanation as to why he has no shirt on, the entrance is so on the nose it’s almost ridiculous: a smoking-hot leading man, walking into a room sweaty and half-naked. It’s like there should be a slowed-down frame rate, a treacly indie-pop song playing, a zoom-in of my pupils turning into those hunga hunga hearts. He hands his ticket to the woman at the front desk and apologizes, for some reason, for his bare chest. She makes him put his shirt back on, and greets me with a smile so huge, I can assure you he has zero cavities.

Even offscreen, Centineo, I observe immediately, has that whole thing. It wasn’t just good directing or the right song cued at the right moment that created the effect. He has all the qualities deemed necessary by early-in-life fans of Teen Bop and Devon Sawa at the end of Casper: white sneakers (Vans, of course), an easy charm, and a tendency to play it fast and loose with knowing, meaningful eye contact that says “I see you.” He knows the right way to lean against a wall, how to twirl a specific clump of hair so it slouches over one eye. He’s even got an imperfection you can moon over: this tiny scar on his chin from where his dog tried to rip his face off when he was a kid. When he greets me with a hug, it’s the kind of genuine, intentional, full-body contact that makes me feel like he’d write me a letter every day and build me a house.

“I’ve always played the love interest,” Centineo says. “I’ve trained for it for a while. These roles are just molds I can pour myself into.” He grew up in Miami, with a few years’ interlude in Park City, which he hated because he never felt like he fit in. He started acting as a preteen when he attended a general casting call sort of on a lark, but he enjoyed it so much he eventually dropped out of his Boca Raton high school sophomore year and moved to Los Angeles with his mom to pursue it full-time. Since then Centineo’s been playing graduating levels of “crush”: first on a tween-friendly Disney show Austin & Ally, then on a teen-friendly Freeform show, The Fosters, and now for admiring audiences of all ages on Netflix rom-coms (To All the Boys, Sierra Burgess, and one deep cut for the algorithm-determined real fans, SPF 18.)

“I like this rowboat. Do you want to sit in this rowboat,” he asks, upon discovering a fake rowboat stuck in the corner of an exhibition about ponds. (Fake rowboat, a move.) Ever the leading man, he gets in first to steady the fake boat, and helps me in. Then, he directs yet another adorable moment for us, and starts rocking the boat back and forth, like we’re on a real pond, laughing this huge, full-throated laugh like the only thing he’s ever wanted to do was crouch in a plastic rowboat with me. And even though we both know the answer to the question, I ask, “Why do you think everyone is going nuts over you right now?”

“People love love,” he says, and begins to explain how both of his recent movies “empower” people. “I think these are just great examples of feel-good films, how could you not like something that makes you feel good?”

He stops talking and looks at me, a little concerned. “If you’re still warm, we should move,” he suggests, perhaps noticing the sweat pouring from my forehead and rolling down to my chin. It’s such a hot day, even the AC inside has given up. “I just want you to feel comfortable,” he says thoughtfully, adding, “Don’t worry, I also sweat like a motherfucker.”

It’s now his mission to find the coolest spot in the aquarium. He leads me down some stairs, back up the same stairs once he realizes they lead to a bathroom. We go around all the exhibits, while he looks up at the ceiling, in the corners, searching for an air vent, determined to find the perfect spot to get the full blast. We finally do. “Can you feel it?” he asks, one last time, before he seems satisfied, parked in front of a manmade reef. It’s a specific sort of gallantry I recognize from his roles, the ones he describes as manly and masculine, but also “sensitive, emotionally intelligent, loving, nurturing, and protective.”

“That’s just what a great man is in life and in general,” he shrugs. In his two most well-known parts (both of which occurred in the past month) he plays an updated version of a familiar type of crush. In To All the Boys, a lacrosse player who loves Fight Club but drinks kombucha and falls for the film’s Korean-American protagonist. In the other, Sierra Burgess, a quarterback who thinks the cheerleader is way hot, but instead falls for the brainy girl who catfishes him. In both, he displays a preference for the unexpected love interest. In both, he drives a Jeep Wrangler, the preeminent car of teen crushes. He’s not the mysterious, brooding type à la Robert Pattinson in Twilight, he doesn’t have the cold, intellectual appeal of Timothée Chalamet’s character in Lady Bird. He’s not pure Zac Efron dumb-hot-frat boy or even the misunderstood, sexually experienced bad boy like the ones Adam Driver plays. What Centineo does well — and what nobody has really done with such conviction since Freddie Prinze Jr. — is play a simple, suburban-mall kind of crush with Stanislavski dedication. That’s it. He’s just fully nice and hot at a time that feels like “nice and hot” is a rare resource. He’s a throwback to a more classic sort of wish fulfillment.

In fact, Centineo can see a whole career based around this: being good at love. He imagines all the potential types of roles he can explore: romantic dramas, other types of rom-coms, action romantic comedies, edgier, more toxic and dangerous types of love. “There’s so many degrees to love. I think I have a lot more to offer the space,” he says. He’s got a few projects lined up already, most notably a movie coming out in 2019 called The Stand-In. He plays a post-grad who launches a start-up, which requires him to loan himself out as a fake boyfriend.

“Whoa whoa! That motherfucker just came through so quick! He ran up on us with his boy.”

Centineo jumps back and marvels at some large fish that just came swimming right at his head. He makes a kissy-fish face back at the fish. What a lovely time we’re having. Looking at fish! Then he points to a placard and carefully reads out the description for Slippery Dick, a type of fish native to this particular tank, and chuckles. Then I read one about the French Grunt. I have no idea what’s going on. I point to a particularly fascinating fish, and he leans in to see, angling his head so his hair brushes my hand. Our arms accidentally touch.

“How’d you get so good at flirting,” I’m compelled to ask.

“Am I flirting?” he laughs and leans and looks down at the floor. “I don’t know — I’m fucking so romantic. Like, such a romantic — it’s not even funny. I can’t help it. I swear to God, like, every day, the majority of my day is sentimental. You know, I’m thinking about past relationships I’ve been in, how I miss them so much or what I would do different, or why I wanna be with them again, or just moments I’d like to go back to or I know why I shouldn’t go back, and then you know, it’s just constantly love, love, love.”

He’s a Taurus, ruled by Venus, he offers by way of explanation. “That means a couple things: one, like I need a lot of nurturing, and two, Venus is love, I’m ruled by love.” His favorite movie is Gaspar Noe’s Love, his favorite feeling is being in love (which he has been, twice). I bet if you could cook Love and serve it over pasta, it would be his favorite meal. He lives, breathes, and expels love. His Instagram is a steady stream of soul-baring, puppy-dog-eyed selfies — “I’m pretty vain,” he jokes. His Twitter alternates between sort of yoga studio platitudes and vague flirtations like “Fuck…you’re so cute,” or, more in line with my personal interests, “THE BLACKER THE BERRY.”The messages are to nobody specific, he says — he’s single right now — they could be to somebody he just met, or he met before, or he saw across the room, or just to everybody.

Dating is going to be hard for him from now on, he suspects, even though he really doesn’t want to change how he pursues someone he likes (open-heartedly, passionately, purely) but he’s started worrying about the reasons people want to date him. Is it just because he’s more famous now? Do they just want to date Peter Kavinksy? But are Kavinsky and Centineo really so different?  “I’m definitely not as innocent—” he says, with a gaze, because why say anything if you aren’t going to commit.

Centineo continues to list the differences, both philosophical and material: He’s more apt to jump out of a plane or just sit in nature than his characters. He doesn’t live in the suburbs, he lives in Los Angeles with his older sister and her boyfriend. He likes yoga and martial arts. He parties with friends. He starts every day at 6 a.m. with oatmeal, the recipe for which he begins detail, slowly: “I do Irish steel-cut oats, I do almond butter, coconut butter uh, coconut oil, honey, uh, chopped bananas, and, and, uh, like, hemp granola,” and I’m struck with this familiar feeling of being completely entranced by a man saying absolutely nothing interesting to me, which, oh right, yes, is infatuation.

[storm-driver]

The Lost Union Leader and Keyblade War’s Time

Hiya. Back with another one of my lengthy theories. Let’s jump right in, shall we? Oh, fair warning, this is my stringing together 8 different theories into one. It’s gonna get confusing.

SPOILERS FOR KINGDOM HEARTS IN GENERAL: DON’T READ THIS UNLESS YOU’RE UP TO DATE ON EVERYTHING, THAT INCLUDES UNION CROSS.

Ever since the Union Cross update to Kingdom Hearts on mobile, we’ve been more concerned with the Keyblade War than ever. It was assumed that the mobile game had nothing to do with Kingdom Hearts’ true lore, specifically with Sora, Xehanort, etc. It was just a fun spin-off where you got to know how the Keyblade War started and what happened to those who fought in it. We were not prepared for a HUGE PLOT POINT to be dumped on us at the end of the season.

Ventus is chosen to help lead the remaining Keyblade wielders as a Union Leader. 

Wha-? Why- NOMURA?!

Ventus, who we ASSUMED to be about 14 years old at the beginning of Birth by Sleep, appears to be MUCH OLDER than that if he was apart of the Keyblade War...

So Ventus is actually like centuries old, from the Keyblade War era, forgot about it, and then Birth by Sleep happened... How does that happen?

Prepare for my really long and convoluted answer, and I do have evidence to back this.

Ventus was banished from/thrown out of the World, into the Lanes Between, which at this point, is just dead space that WILL be occupied by splintered versions of the World.

“Banished? Why would anyone hurt the precious cinnamon roll Ventus?!”

Ventus has shown in Birth by Sleep that when he believes in something, he supports it relentlessly, willing to fight for it. People keep spouting on about how Terra is causing havoc in worlds while Ventus only continues to combat their words by saying Terra would never do something so horrific. He’s willing to fight Vanitas at the very beginning of his story just because his counterpart mentioned Terra being a different person. 

When Aqua was about to be struck down by Vanitas, even when Ventus’ body was quite literally frozen and he was unable to act, he mustered up enough fire in himself to break the ice, stand up, and fight. And what kept him going in his fight? His love for Terra and Aqua and need to protect them. 

So... when Ventus VERY CLEARLY shows concern over the idea to forget the war ever happened and not tell anyone what happened at the Keyblade Graveyard... you might guess that he continued to disagree.

He’s always one to stand up for what he believes is right. And with how headstrong Ephemera has shown to be, I have a feeling the two have conflicting opinions. 

So what happens when Ventus decides that everyone DOES need to know about what really happened? How does Ephemera react to one who tries to break the rules that Master Ava clearly stated? You can probably guess that Ephemera turned on Ventus.

So, Ventus is banished/something or other from the Union Cross realm because he has a disagreement with Ephemera about forgetting the past and acting as if it never happened.

Now, to address an issue we’ve had since the beginning: how can Ventus possibly be ALIVE during Birth by Sleep if he was only about 14 years old then and the Keyblade War was centuries ago? 

Look at this screencap, and compare it to others... 

Ventus looks awfully young? His hair is much shorter, eyes wider. You can complain that his hair only looks like that because it’s Union Cross graphics but... didn’t Roxas get a model, as well? 

EVERYONE knows that Roxas is basically identical to Ventus... so... why aren’t they identical in character models? Well, because at THIS point, Ventus is a CHILD.

Obviously, children can be defined as being under the age of 18, but I mean he looks like he’s maybe 9 or 10 years old. That places this to be at about 4 years before Birth by Sleep even took place.

“WHOA WHOA WHOA, HOLD UP, YOU’RE NOT GONNA-”

I’M NOT. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN JUST AS BIRTH BY SLEEP STARTED, I SWEAR. This is what’s killing my theory, ‘cause I have no definite place for the Keyblade War to be placed. I can’t prove if the war happened 10 days or 10 years before Birth by Sleep started because it... doesn’t make sense? Ventus, if he was conscious, should’ve aged like any other person and should be much older if the case is that this takes place any time relatively near BBS... And there it is.

VENTUS WASN’T CONSCIOUS WHEN HE WAS BANISHED. Something happened to his heart that placed his body into a comatose state, much like it’s in now, so that it would not age. What... what do I think happened?

I think a certain cinnamon roll got into a rough fight with a skilled Keyblade wielder and lost... Ventus wasn’t banished. He had his heart damaged. And to hide the evidence that Ephemera hurt a fellow leader over a disagreement, they disposed of his comatose body, believing he was dead.

I know I’m going on a bit of stretch here, but bare with me. This only starts to make sense. 

With Ventus being gone, people of his Union, assuming he even had time to start one, would clearly be concerned. Outbreak and concern for what happened to their leader, their friend. Such a nice person who believed to bring out the good in everyone, where could he have gone? 

I have reason to believe that some sort of default in the new Union Leaders led to the real downfall of the World. You can clearly see when Ephemera and company are talking, the World is... still kinda intact? The Keyblade War didn’t cause the World’s to be shrouded in Darkness, but something between the leaders did. What happened rippled through the Keyblade wielders, hurt them, made them lose hope. What could cause so much pain rather than hearing that one of their only hopes of survival was just... thrown to the side, supposedly killed, because they disagreed?

Union Cross has never shown once that the war was fought over the X-Blade, like we’ve been led to believe so far. Rather it was fought because the looming threat of darkness, accompanied by the idea of a traitor, was enough to create conflict and hatred between the Unions. 

So when Ephemera learns of this so called X-Blade that has the ability to call upon Kingdom Hearts itself, you think he’d try to use it to restore the World to it’s natural, friendly state, to FORGET the past and act like it never happened?

Absolutely. 

And when Skuld and the others tell Ephemera that calling Kingdom Hearts is forbidden, you think they’ll fight him over it?

ABSOLUTELY.

And when that all backfires and the X-Blade is destroyed, plunging Kingdom Hearts and the World itself into darkness, you think that coincides with the story about the X-Blade being the real cause of the Keyblade War?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!

I’m not even done, kids, ‘CAUSE NOW WE’RE ONTO THE TIMELINE.

Kingdom Hearts as a series has done it’s best to state when each game takes place. But for some reason... they left Union Cross out of it? We’re told constantly that THIS era is known as the “Age of Fairytales,” or just a VERY long time ago. But that’s never branched out on... Nothing about years, dates, no reports to back anything. We’re just told it happened and it was a long time ago.

Why is that? Aside from Dream Drop Distance, we’re basically told exactly when everything happens in this series (it’s assumed Dream Drop Distance takes place roughly 8 months after Kingdom Hearts II, since it states Sora is 16 while in KH2 he was 15). What’s wrong with giving us a time span? Just saying a thousand years does a lot for us, but because they didn’t mention it... it’s led me to believe that this game occurs sometime within the past 100 or so years of Birth by Sleep.

I’VE GOT EVIDENCE, JUST WAIT.

Leading bit of evidence that never made any God damn sense to me since I learned about it: how old Kairi is.

That sounds really creepy, but it applies to all the Princesses of Heart. Assuming each Princess is between the age range of 9 to 24, since Alice is one of the youngest and Aurora is the oldest, that becomes... oddly suspicious of when each Princess’ heart was born.

We are given confirmation in Dream Drop Distance that each world runs on a different time-axis. So specific age doesn’t really matter. But isn’t it weird, how if the X-Blade was shattered over thousands of years ago, only just now are the pure light pieces of it being reborn? 

Yes. It’s very disturbing, but if you think about it, it works. The World is recovered and the fragments of the X-Blade begin to be dispersed into the hearts of young maidens so that the X-Blade may exist again one day. This should only take, if we think about this, about 100 years if we consider the different time axises. 

So the Princesses of Heart are much too young and too close of age for this War to even be a thousand years old. It had to have happened within a lifetime.

SPEAKING OF LIFETIMES, LUXU, HOW’S IT GOING? Yeah, even that mysterious dolt ties into this whole mess! Remember at the beginning of 0.2 where we saw that really cool cutscene of Luxu standing in the Keyblade Graveyard where Kingdom Hearts was being summoned?

Yeah, I bet you-! wait what

Kingdom Hearts.... summoned? When... When did that happen during the Keyblade War? Oh right, IT DIDN’T. 

In fact, let’s compare cutscenes for a moment. 

I’m gonna give you a screencap of Luxu in the Keyblade Graveyard, spectating a pillar of rock where Kingdom Hearts waits at the top.

Here’s a RATHER SIMILAR screencap of Aqua and Ventus in the Keyblade Graveyard, spectating a pillar of rock where Kingdom Hearts waits at the top.

Are... are you serious? Luxu, or whoever the hell that is, was there when Aqua, Terra, and Ventus fight Xehanort...

“Pffft, bet those rocks were there during the Keyblade War.”

My dear reader, I hate to call you out, but those rock formations weren’t natural... XEHANORT DID THAT.

SO LUXU WAS THERE, WHEN KINGDOM HEARTS WAS SUMMONED BY XEHANORT. How on earth could he be there... unless the events of Union Cross were recent... so Luxu could still be ALIVE. 

I’m gonna call myself out before anyone else does, but the one reason this specific cutscene scenario doesn’t work out is ‘cause the Keyblade Luxu is holding is supposed to be Xehanort’s at this point... Besides that one time in 358/2 Days when Roxas summoned two Kingdom Keys at once, I really don’t have an explanation, so I’m sorry if this isn’t satisfying. The only other time I could think of this screencap taking place is during the first summoning of Kingdom Hearts, when the World fell to darkness. But even so, it doesn’t explain the rock formations...

So, that’s my long theory. I did come up with some answers to a few lingering questions:

-What happened to Ventus when his heart was broken?

My guess is that he wasn’t as broken as they thought and he was able to kinda just hibernate until his heart mended itself. He was most likely drifting in the empty void till Xehanort found him and brought him somewhere safe.

-Wouldn’t Ventus remember Ephemera and friends then?

Well... no. A broken heart is gonna have some repercussions on a person. Odds are he forgot a bit about what had happened, so Xehanort just trained him till he remembered how to fight. And then when he found Ventus couldn’t do what he wanted him to, he broke him even more.

-That cutscene’s rock pillar isn’t identical to the other one...

For the love of God, that cutscene is like 10 years old versus this new, 7 month old one. That was the cutscene before they finalized Ventus’ fighting style, since he’s holding his Keyblade in the wrong hand. 

-Didn’t Luxu have to pass on the Keyblade?

I had a really long tangent about how he was probably Xehanort and Eraqus’ Master or maybe someone he trained was the Master, and that the Keyblade he passes on wasn’t actually meant to be wielded but Xehanort defied an order and whatnot, but that got really ridiculous. Yes, he probably did pass on the Keyblade, but if that guy isn’t Luxu, I don’t know who it is. And if it is Luxu, I don’t know HOW he has that Keyblade. And if that ISN’T the time when Aqua, Terra, and Ventus fought Xehanort, I really don’t know when...

So, here’s our recap:

-Ventus was thrown out of the Union Cross realm and entered a comatose state in the Lanes Between.

-Ventus had a disagreement with Ephemera over telling the Keyblade wielders about what happened during the War and injured his heart in the process. Because of this, he was thrown out.

-The discourse left behind when Ventus disappeared combined with Ephemera’s desperation to save the remaining Keyblade wielders led to Ephemera trying to use Kingdom Hearts to restore the land. 

-When everyone disagreed with Ephemera, the X-Blade was shattered and the World fell to darkness.

-The Princesses of Heart started a short time after the world was restored by the light in the hearts of children. This would allow for the recreation of the X-Blade in time to come.

-Because of this, the events of the Keyblade War and Union Cross had to have happened within a lifetime of Birth by Sleep.

-To further back this, Luxu is seen spectating the fight of Terra, Aqua, and Ventus versus Xehanort and Vanitas.

[thievinghippo]

Fic Update: Form 5763W (9/13)

Fandom: swtor

Pairing: Aric Jorgan/Republic Trooper

Chapter Title: All for You (Read on Ao3!)

Rating: Teen

Summary: Jorgan and Wynneth hoped for a quiet wedding. But when the political realities of the ceremony come to light, things become real complicated, real quick.

#

“Happy not our wedding day,” Wynneth whispered.

Jorgan stretched his arms over his head, a smile on his face. “We got time for a quickie?” he asked as he reached out for his holopad.

“You do,” Wynneth said as she sat up. Jorgan pulled the sheet away from her, letting his gaze linger on her breasts. Her hair was down, an absolute mess, and he had to stop himself from reaching out and start grooming. “I, sadly, don’t.”

“Damn,” he said, getting out of bed, holopad in hand. Nothing urgent came in overnight. It was like the Republic Army decided to take the night off. Tossing the holopad on his bed, Jorgan threw on some workout clothes. According to the schedule Vara had given him, he was free until three o’clock in the afternoon, when he had to be at the Senate Tower. Considering it was seven in the morning, he might as well get in a good workout.

Wynneth nodded. Looking away, she said, her voice sad, “You’re not even going to recognize me tonight.”

“Good thing we got married last night, then, isn’t it?” Jorgan asked. Part of him still couldn’t believe that they were now husband and wife. Maybe it really wouldn’t sink in until they said the vows on Rendili. But it was real. She was his wife.

The smile on Wynneth’s face made his morning. She stood up, still smiling, as she twisting her torso a few times. “I need to be at the spa in less than an hour. I better get going,” she said as she started putting on some clothes.

The spa mention made Jorgan think. “Winnie, not that it’s any of my business and really my opinion doesn’t matter at all…” Jorgan trailed off. Stupid to bring this up now, when they were both stressed from what today’s ceremony would be like. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it later.”

“No, we’ll talk about it now,” Wynneth said as she pulled her hair back in a messy bun. “Because otherwise I’m going to be fixating on whatever it is you wanted to say and that’s not fair.”

“You’re right, sorry,” Jorgan said. He kept trying to break that bad habit of his, telling her he wanted to talk without any reason behind it. Even knowing it made her anxiety spike couldn’t quite break him of it. “I was just wondering, I guess. You gonna grow out your body hair again once this is all done?”

Wynneth let out a delighted laugh, making him smile, even though he wasn’t quite sure why his question made her so happy. “Yes,” she said, walking over him. Jorgan stood still as she kissed him hard. “I promise, after tonight, I will not be shaving or waxing any part of my body again.”

Jorgan kept himself from saying good. It didn’t matter what he liked, but he really did prefer when she didn’t shave. If not shaving made Wynneth happy, too, then all the better. “Just checking.”

“Thank you for loving my hairy legs and pits,” Wynneth said with a smile. “Now, I really do need to get going. See you at the end of the wedding processional.”

#

From a security standpoint, this ceremony was a disaster waiting to happen. Jorgan knew there were undercover SpecForces among the guests. He thought he might have even seen a seam in the air behind him, meaning there might be a protective forcefield around the Garden. His trained eye even found a couple of snipers on top of the Senate Tower. But all these Senators and dignitaries in one place? Jorgan didn’t think it was worth the risk. Though it would explain why there was only a week between the announcement and the ceremony. Wouldn’t give the Imps enough time to figure out any sort of feasible plan to disrupt things.

“Nervous?”

Jorgan glanced over at newly appointed Supreme Commander Jace Malcom, who looked just as uncomfortable in his dress uniform as he did. “Nah,” Jorgan said. And that was the truth. No need to be nervous when they were already married. “Not about marrying Wynneth, at least.”

Malcom let out a gruff laugh. “I’m probably more nervous having to be the one to marry you two, then,” he said.”

“I am nervous about this crowd, though,” Jorgan admitted, his eyes scanning the audience. Almost three thousand people stood in the Garden of Justice. Apparently everyone who was everyone wanted an invitation, Vara said. Some people were even selling their invitations on the holonet for thousands of credits.

“You’re not the only one,” Malcom said. “You armed?”

“Just a technoknife,” Jorgan said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“I found a slim blaster, fits right into my boot. Find me tonight, and I’ll send you the holonet link for the store,” Malcom said.

That sounded perfect. “Absolutely,” Jorgan said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vara flash him a sign. “That’s my cue. We’re about to start.” With a deep breath, he walked to the edge of the platform, right at the top of a set of six stairs. The platform had been constructed in the past week so that everyone in the audience would be able to see the ceremony.

Music started playing, a bright brass instrument of some type, and almost out of instinct, Jorgan stood at attention. Any moment, his girl would come into view. Over the last three years, he has seen her dressed up a couple of times. That awards ceremony after they took out Rakton and a couple of nicer dinner dates. But today would be something different.

Down at the end of the aisle, he saw her, too far away to see any details. From this distance, all he could tell was that the dress was white and that it would be awfully hard to run in if the ceremony went pear-shaped. But each step brought her closer to him. Also gave him a better look at his wife.

Wynneth’s hair was down, which Jorgan knew for a fact she hated doing in public. Balancing on her head was some sort of ridiculous looking hat shaped like a bird. Her makeup was severe, heavy on the eyeliner with bright red lipstick. It looked like they even went heavy on the concealer, trying to cover up her facial scarring. She didn’t look like herself at all. Made him happier than ever that he thought to have Forex marry them last night instead of today. Hopefully, once all of this was over, they could step back and have a good laugh.

The instructions Vara gave him were quite specific: wait at the top of the stairs until Wynneth made it up next to him, then offer his arm. Together, they would walk up to Malcom and the ceremony would start. Wynneth still had a bit of aisle to march down, so Jorgan gave the front of the crowd a quick scan. Saresh was right in front, of course, wearing a bright purple outfit. He saw Garza but no sign of the squad or any of the people they were allowed to invite. If he had to guess, they’d be way in the back.

A holorecorder started buzzing around him and Jorgan had to fight from flinching or shooing it out of the way. To distract himself from the drone, not to mention the fact that maybe close to an estimated billion people might be watching the ceremony right now, he focused on Wynneth.

She made it to the bottom of the stairs, then paused. A moment passed and Wynneth didn’t move. Looking up at him, Jorgan could see something on her face he didn’t expect to see. Not today. He saw fear. And then she mouthed ‘help’ at him and realization struck.

Vara’s rules be damned. Jorgan jogged down the stairs and took Wynneth’s hand. She had told him about the ridiculous heels they were making her wear today. Barefoot, Wynneth came up to his chin. With these heels, they were almost the same height. Little wonder she didn’t want to go up the stairs, especially considering there was no railing to hold on to. Well, he would be her railing if he had to be.

One stair at a time, they made their way up to the top of the platform. “Thank you,” she whispered, squeezing his hand.

With her hand in his, Jorgan didn’t want to let go. So together they walked up to Malcom, ready to promise to honor and cherish each other.

Again.

#

“Oh, stars, I have to pee, where is Elara?”

Holding back a laugh, Jorgan put his hand on Wynneth’s cheek. “My beautiful bride,” he said. “Always the epitome of class.”

“Don’t make me laugh, I’ll pee myself,” she said, standing up. If Saresh had done anything right regarding their wedding, it was that they had a table at the reception all to themselves. Even better, it was off to the side, leaving the head table, where Saresh currently held court, the focus of the room.

“Maybe I could help you,” Jorgan said, even as he sent off a quick message to Elara on his holocom. “Then we could have some newlywed fun.” Elara responded almost instantly. “She’s on her way.”

“Thank you,” Wynneth said with a sigh as she pulled up those ridiculous gloves she was wearing. “You remember Vara’s rule. One of us has to be in this room at all times.”

Jorgan rolled his eyes. “We haven’t had any time alone since this morning,” he grumbled.

“I’m here, sir!” Elara called out as she approached the table. Gal cleaned up good, Jorgan thought approvingly. She wore a light blue dress, made of some sort of floaty material. “I’ve also had one too many drinks, so you’ll need to talk me out of making a very bad decision regarding Jonas Balkar.”

Wynneth took Elara’s arm and started heading towards the exit. As she did, she said, “No, I’m going to talk you into making a very bad decision, because then I want details.”

Funny to think once upon a time Jorgan hated Balkar. Probably, no, definitely hated him because of the way he flirted with Wynneth. Well, if Elara did decide to go hook up with Balkar, hopefully it wouldn’t end poorly. Havoc squad needed him as a source in the SIS.

No one seemed to be paying Jorgan any attention, so he decided to check his messages on his holocom. Both his littermates wrote congratulating him. There was a message from his aunt, one of his mom’s littermates, which surprised him. His aunt was always more on the progressive side, so maybe she could talk his mom into acceptance. He doubted it, though. One day, his parents would have to see reason. They had to.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vara approaching the table. Feeling like he got caught red-handed, he slipped his holocom into the back pocket of his dress uniform trousers. The collar was beginning to be unbearable, but compared to the getup Wynneth was in, he couldn’t complain to much. Besides, only a couple of hours to go, and then they’d be in a hotel room for the night, far away from the rest of the world.

“Where’s the Major?” Vara asked, her eyes wide. “We’re about to bring out the desert table.”

“Bathroom,” Jorgan said.

Vara pinched the bridge of her nose. “That was why I told her not to drink anything tonight,” she said, sounding pained. “I’ll have to stall them.” Jorgan debated messaging Elara, but then Vara ran off and he decided that, frankly, he didn’t care. He and Wynneth were married and tomorrow they’d be on their way to Rendili. They had given Saresh exactly what they wanted, a chance to show off.

Five or so minutes passed before Wynneth made it back to the table. “All better?” Jorgan asked, taking her hand as she sat down. “Vara was not pleased you disappeared.”

“Then she should have put bathroom breaks in that schedule of hers,” Wynneth said, shrugging a shoulder.

He looked at Wynneth’s face. Then looked again. He was right the first time. Wynneth had removed most of her makeup. “Vara is gonna kill you…” he said, tracing the outline of her jaw with a finger.

“I’m going rogue,” Wynneth said, taking off one of the large cuff bracelets decorating her wrist. “You’re either with me or against me.”

“With you, of course,” Jorgan said. “What do you need me to do?”

She slid her arm across his shoulders. “You willing to kiss me in front of all these people?”

“They’re not even paying attention to us anymore,” Jorgan said, leaning forward and kissing her softly. He put his hand on her cheek and the ring on his finger caught his eye. Such a strange human tradition, letting complete strangers know your marital status with a piece of jewelry. But Wynneth wanted them to exchange rings, and he was more than willing to, if it made her happy. He wouldn’t wear it on a regular basis - rings just weren’t practical for soldiers - but he’d break it out on special occasions.

“You know, you’re quite handsome all dressed up,” Wynneth said, keeping her arm around his shoulder. “Wish I could have worn my dress uniform, too.”

“You look beautiful,” Jorgan said, fighting off the urge to nuzzle her cheek. That’d have to wait until they had some privacy. “Granted, I had no idea who you were when you walked up to me, but damn beautiful.” She smiled, a smile that lit up her entire face, and without the makeup and with her hair pulled back in a braid, Wynneth looked like herself again. “Beautiful.”

Looking at Wynneth, it was easy to ignore everything around them but her. People were milling around the tables, talking over the sound of a live band in the corner of the room. But right now, Jorgan didn’t think about any of them. Just his lifemate.

“You’re staring,” she said.

He could easily point out that she was staring just as much as he was. Instead, he said, “You’re easy to stare at.”

“That’s a horrible line,” Wynneth said, her cheeks reddening. Damn, he loved to make her blush. “Keep ‘em coming.”

A sudden flash of a holocamera ruined the mood. Jorgan sat up straight, closing his eyes from the light. “Sorry!” a Twi’lek with purple ribbons wrapped around her lekku said, not sounding sorry at all. “Needed a good shot for my story. That was perfect.”

“Happy to help,” Wynneth said, clearly not happy to help in the slightest.

And of course, that’s when Vara walked up to the table. The Zabrak took one look at Wynneth and covered her mouth with her hand. “There are still pictures to take,” she said, her voice like ice. Rummaging through her handbag, she added, “You’re lucky I brought makeup with me. Now come with me.”

“You better do it, babe,” Jorgan said in Wynneth’s ear. They had agreed to play the part until Vara said they could leave, which according to his schedule would be in two hours and fifteen minutes. Not that he was counting. Much.

“Sorry, Vara,” Wynneth said, sounding almost contrite as she stood up. Jorgan watched her walk. The dress she wore might be horrible for mobility and he certainly wondered where she was packing - because he had no doubt his lifemate was packing - but damn did it make her ass look good.

Jorgan wondered when their plates had been cleared; he hadn’t even noticed the servers. Granted, he only had eyes for Wynneth at the moment. He reprimanded himself for that. An event like that, he really needed to be paying more attention to his surroundings.

A diplomat or a senator or someone with enough clout to be here tonight walked up to the table and Jorgan had to keep himself from groaning. He was awful at this meet and greet stuff. But he’d try. Thankfully Vara intervened. “It’s time to cut the cake. If either of you even think of putting cake in the other’s face, I will have Saresh revoke your Republic citizenship.”

Wynneth smiled at him. The red lips were back, along with her hair falling down her back. “I think we’re safe,” Jorgan said, taking Wynneth’s outstretched hand. “No cake fights.”

Vara sighed, scooting them along. “Finally something might go right.”

#

“Hurry up and open the door,” Wynneth said, pushing up against him.

Jorgan bit back a moan as she started to suck on his neck. “Be a lot easier if I could think,” he said, fumbling around with the old fashioned key. Finally he managed to get the door open and they practically fell into their hotel room.

They might be newlyweds, but they were still SpecForce soldiers. Jorgan stepped away from Wynneth as he took out his holocom, sweeping the room for bugs. He absolutely wouldn’t put it past Saresh to insist on bugging the room. As the program ran, he took a look around the room. “Damn nice room they gave us,” he said.

“I checked the price of one night here, for fun,” Wynneth said, sitting down at a vanity with a mirror. The first thing she did was take off that ridiculous bird hat. “We can’t afford this place and between us, and we’re doing okay, credit wise.”

His holocom beeped, giving the all clear. “No bugs. We’re good,” he said, putting down the comm on a table. “Now let’s get undressed.”

“So goal orientated only a day into our marriage,” Wynneth said, crossing her legs in the chair. “I love it. Let me just get this makeup off first.”

She started to stand, but Jorgan placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’ve got this,” he said, walking into the bathroom. The jacuzzi tub was huge, big enough for two people. If they were planning on staying more than just the night, it might be worth getting his fur wet to try it out. Turning on the water in the sink, Jorgan used the palm of his hand to find the right temperature, before wetting a wash cloth.

When he walked out of the bathroom, Wynneth was still in the chair, but the dress was in a pile on the floor, leaving her in some sort of underwear set that Jorgan approved of completely. As he knelt in front of her, she reached out and unbuttoned the collar to his dress uniform. Jorgan rolled his neck, enjoying the freedom. “Now why didn’t I think of that?” he asked.

Wynneth simply smiled as he placed the warm washcloth on her cheek, making small circles like she had showed him once. Skin seemed like such a fuss compared to fur, but he had to admit it looked good on her. “That feels really nice,” she said, eyes closed.

Jorgan took his time, wanting to make sure every trace of makeup was off her face. “There,” he said, placing the washcloth on the table as he looked at his wife. Without the severe makeup, she looked like herself again. “All done.”

He was about to offer to brush her hair, when Wynneth slid off the chair, onto her knees next to him. As she started to unbutton his dress uniform jacket, she said, “Now let’s work on those goals.”

[sugirandom]

365 days of writing: day 118

Day 118: common ground

               So today’s the day my doctor is going to examine me and do a biopsy to decide what method she needs to use for the hysterectomy. I’m still hoping that she can do the less-invasive method but I know that’s not very likely given my lack of ever having children. I can still hope that somehow she’ll be able to do it but I won’t hope too hard and prepare myself for the fact that she might have to use the other route that just takes a little longer to recover from and will make it hard for me to get out of bed for example for a little while.

               Since she’s going to be putting me under for this procedure, since it’s too painful to do it awake, I can’t have any food or drinks until after the procedure and I won’t be at the hospital until 11:15 so I’m fine now since given my situation she said I could wake up at 4 AM to drink some clear soda but I assume in a few hours I’ll start to get a little light-headed and more than likely cranky. My parents don’t have the kind of patience they used to for that sort of thing (if they ever did) and they tell me not to take that sort of thing out on them. It’s not like I do it on purpose and I wish they’d be more patient with me because whenever mom’s cranky because of some health-related thing I’m supposed to be patient with her so I’m really not sure why it can’t work both ways. I think they are just selfish beings and tried harder to hide it when I was younger.

               Anyway, I’ll have to work harder to put up with their shit because I’m going to have less patience for it on the ride there. This is sadly the hospital I was born at so I’ll get to hear all about when I was born and I absolutely hate hearing about that. I don’t want to be reminded I was born prematurely, not to mention I was born female and I don’t want to hear her awkwardly using female pronouns and saying “because at that time you were female” which while I understand why she’s doing that it just makes me dysphoric as all hell. That’s a major reason I’ve never desired to return to my childhood, it was actually quite miserable even if you take me being Trans out of the equation.  Mom is an emotional sap though so I’ll inevitably hear about it today and they’ll get upset at me if I ask them not to talk about it I’m sure.

               Oh well, at least I can see my best bro once it’s all over. Of course he’ll have to come over late but I don’t think he minds. That will certainly help me unwind after this whole ordeal. Oh yeah, another guy contacted me on the dating site and sadly I just don’t think we have much in common. He plays video games but he plays basically all the stuff I don’t play, a lot of FPS games and MMORPGS. He also asked me if I played Mass Effect or Dragon Age Inquisition when I mentioned I like RPGS. Yeah…not that type of RPG…this is why we’ve created more specific terms for the type of RPG.  I mean some people consider Pokemon and RPG and in all honesty I have to agree with them that it is a type of RPG. I have a feeling this guy hasn’t even touched a Nintendo game based on what he’s told me he’s played. I’m not update on games at all other than titles that come out on the 3DS so it does make it hard to talk to fellow gamers. This guy would get along with some of my male coworkers that play those kinds of games but…yeah…I dunno hoping we have something else in common and that he isn’t like that other guy who said on his about me “Let’s be honest here, none of his read the ‘about me’ we just look at the profile picture and decide that way” I…really…hate…those…people…so…much… YOU DO NOT DATE SOMEONE BASED ON HOW THEY LOOK. I GUESS IF YOU JUST WANT SEX BUT THAT’S SO SHALLOW.

               I guess those people who contact me that I can’t really find common ground with do that sadly. I was worried about that and the fact that some people might find it ‘hot’ that I’m Trans. I mean I’m talking to some people who I have things in common with but it’s frustrating when really ‘kinky’ people contact me. This is a dating site and there are sites for just getting hook-ups with people who share your sexual interests so for people who are more into that I’d say they should use those sites. IDK, that’s just my bias. I swear that I am interested in sex one day if it’s with the right person but the fact that I feel I could survive without it sort of made me wonder if I’m closer to panromantic. I do get intense sexual attraction to fictional characters though so I guess that’s why I decided I’m pansexual lol.

[whence-the-woody]

2020 

I used to do big, reflective summaries of my year and even tho I am feeling reflective today, I wasn’t able to do that last year and I actually really like the format I went with last year of just listing memz so I’m going wih that. Intention review etc will be in another post. So, my 2020 memories:

Jan

Gearing up to leave a job I hated, packing up my life to move away properly for the first time. Going flat hunting with my mum and my brother and having a literal choice of one

I did Home which I dont really remember so it was probably fine

This was the month the Gallavich wedding aired and gaslit me into believing there was still anything positive about that show/ship. Tbf at the time I was LIVING for it

Cinema kick with Mum including CATS. What a moment. 

Feb

Last day at said crappy job (just weird and awks. I didnt really know how to feel) and starting a new one - everyone was so lovely from the off and even tho I was bored at times I was optimistic

Staying with my brother for a few days, him helping me move in which was all very nice. 

My flat having no hot water for the first week - I only cried about it once. And me having nothing but an air bed for 3 weeks. Not ideal but grateful to have amenities and furniture by the end of the month

I think this was both kareoke night for one persons birthday and a 90s party for another - both excellent nights

People were talking about COVID by the end of the month but I was like pfft we’ve been here before with swine and bird flu, it’ll be all hyped up then go nowhere 

I think I was getting my first allocations by the end of the month which I was grateful for because going from an insane workload to none at all was tricky and I wanted to get going

March

Oh March 2020. How we did not see you coming. 

Before the lockdown even happened I remember people were panic buying. I stocked my freezer a bit, not because I was worried but because so many shelves were empty. All the shops starting looking apocalyptic and I was despairing over how silly everyone was being. You couldn’t get online shops anymore and there was no loo roll to be found - still think thats just so dumb. I had to go to 4 different stores to find oats and was so annoyed, weird little tidbit but I remember it. 

 I remember sitting down on my new furniture - eating a meal I had made, watching John Mulaney and feeling good in my new home - and seeing the Boris announcement. Other countries had already locked down so I had mentioned to my manager that I might have to go home to my Mums if it happened here - she had asked, I didn’t really believe it would. I had arranged for a friend to visit that month and when she cancelled I was like I think everyones being dramatic but okay. Then the 23rd, they announced a lockdown from midnight and I straight away messaged everyone to say I was panicking, asked my manager if I could leave and packed to drive back to Mum’s the next morning. I was in my flat about 6 weeks. 

I know for a fact that March felt like the longest month to ever happen but now I cant remember anything else from it - the announcement was so late in the month, I wasn’t working from Mum’s for that long before April. I think we were told to WFH if we could mid-month but I didn’t. Cant for the life of me now think why it felt so long. I know for those last 2 weeks I was refreshing the news constantly to see what was happening. I was still skeptical and thought the numbers were too low for such drama

April

WFH for real. Excruciating daily calls “to check in”. Working my first cases from home, only on the phone, with no idea what I was doing. Taking turns wearing headphone with Mum because we were both having confidential conversations. 

Walking my pup to get my alloted hour of exercise. Taking regular breaks to go outside - I think this was when there was a heatwave. Eating lunch outside. Sometimes doing weights or yoga during my lunch break - that part was actually pretty great 

Discovering podcasts - especially FDRF. They were the real MVP. 

Still constantly checking the news for updates. 3 weeks turned into 6 and so on and so on. 

I came back to my flat for one of the long weekends. I had accepted that it was going to be longer then 3 weeks and I needed more stuff. I went for a very hot walk through a ghost town - at the time it still seemed like there were too many people about. Still picnics in the park happening. 

Everyone flinching when they say each other and steering well clear. It made you feel tainted even though its what we were suppossed to do. 

Clapping for carers - absolute bullshit placating, hated it. 

Always being left off the list of keyworkers.

Still feeling like yeah its bad but ?? This cant go on forever 

A year of build up to a move then the rug was pulled out from under me, I tried not to complain because others had it so so much worse but it was hard. Is hard. 

We watched all of Location, all of Marvel, Bake off etc etc. I cried when Tony Stark died. 

I went back through my ENTIRE tumblr. I realised how little had changed really, it was very existential. 

May 

I had to come back to my new city because I was on a duty rota for 2 weeks. I was actually very excited and had a good time. I got to see people IRL!! Including some I was working with. It was definately a heatwave at that point - we were swealtering in our cars and full PPE but I was so glad to be out and about and back in the city. Putting a face and proper clothes on again was very weird

I dont remember anything else from May specifically. I think March and April lasted 10 years but then May June July were a blink. I think I had accepted how bad everything was by that point, I had stopped looking at the News for updates. I think this is where zoom started to be a thing maybe. 

June

Honestly not a clue. I was between My place and Mum’s because of the duty rota. I don’t think I came back FT until end of June. I know things were starting to open up again and it was all moving far too fast - I definately wasnt going to run out to the gym or pub but alot of people were. We were suppossed to go on holiday for a week this month, with my brother and the dogs but obvs that was cancelled - it was such a lovely place as well, shame. 

Yoga was still random but I did a weight workout every day this month which was great

July

Turning 25. I was definately back in the city FT, going back into work. My Mum came to stay in my place for the first time. My brother came over too. We went for a walk, had a picnic in the rain then ate cake back at mine. My Mum got me a microwave for my birthday because Im AN ADULT

For my birthday also me and my Mum watched Hamilton for the first time. This then took over my entire life and was played at all hours of the day 

Kept going with daily weight workouts, moved up another set. I think this is where I re-did Revolution

August

Ready to start socialising again. More restrictions were being lifted too quickly which I knew but also I had to GTFO

A friend came to stay with me for the weekend. Hes not very mobile so we couldnt do much - went for a short walk into town, sat by the river and got severely sunburned. We went to a restaurant for the first time in 6 months - I had pancakes. I made him watch Hamilton which he did not appreciate enough. Also watched Truman show for the first time while eating burritos - what a mindfuck that movie is I mean really

Went for a very long very hot walk with a friend all around the fields surrounding the city. We stopped for a drink and cake halfway, more drinks were then had in her garden. This was our first time hanging out alone and it was really lovely, we spent much more time together after that. Shes probably who Ive seen the most this year. 

A couple of weeks after that we went for bottomless brunch, followed by I think 3 or 4 other bars. The joys of getting day drunk. 

I think this was the month I started using friend/dating apps and got OBSESSED. They’re just so silly and judgey and fun, I love it. 

My 6 month tenancy ran out which I chose to renew. I started negotiations with my landlord for a pet agreement. 

I think this is where I re-did Dedicate. I think weight workouts fell off a little bit because I was pretty busy. Instead of running started doing 3 walks a week which was nice. 

September

First time hanging out with more then one person - did a Hamilton viewing party with 4 of us. There were american themed snacks, it was great. Not a boozy night which was needed. I think I then went for coffee with 2 of the girls this month. 

First time meeting up with 2 girls I met on an app - I’m still friendly with one, not the other. It was mostly a good time and I’m very proud to have done it but then drunken politics came up and it got AWKWARD. 

Nagging and nagging and nagging my landlord until she signed the pet agreement and LET ME GET A CAT

My obsession with apps was replaced with a cat shelter/app obsession. It was very frustrating because I wanted to rescue and they make it very hard so I eventually found a for sale ad and contacted them - it was a rescue though as far as I’m concerned, she was in a horrible situation for an “owner” who had no clue and had only had her for a couple weeks before giving up and putting her up for sale. I rescued her okay. I think it was 3 or 4 weeks after getting agreement that I went to pick her up. So getting everything ready for her was a big part of this month

I did manage to fit in a 5 day holiday. It was suppossed to be solo travel abroad but ended up being a Mon-Fri with family. We did some NT walks it was nice.

Then it was literally that weekend my brother drove me to Wales to pick up my new fur baby. Instantly fell in love obviously and my whole life became about her from that point on. They told me she was really timid and scared, she had been hiding in her current place, but I was so impressed with how curious and confident she is. She was wary at first, a bit flinchy, didnt like being petted with 2 hands, didnt like loud noises, wouldnt come on the bed or sofa, wouldnt come into the living room really. I put child locks on alot of doors but shes not mischivous so its never really been an issue. She loved to play from the get go and did come to me for a fuss from day one. I adore her basically. The first time she jumped on the sofa, sat next me on the bed, slept on my bed, let me stroke her with 2 hands, her first vet trip, every little first and win has always been a massive victory, Im a v proud mama. She was no name for a few days but quickly somehow became my Myshka (the whole long list I had went quickly out the window somehow)

Did some more regular yoga. Tried to do 5 weight workout a week but it was a bit random. Walks fell off because of anxiety over leaving the cat. 

October

Alot of WFH to be with the cat. Definately obsessed. 

We had our team day on a farm, that was lovely

Saw my friend for Halloween - watched Hocus Pocus for the first time, had cocktails, watched a boring horror movie then Rocky Horror which is just exceptional. Lockdown 2.0 was announced but we were tipsy and over it. 

A very stressful month work-wise, lots of deadline, threat of Ofsted, management changes, admin changes, not getting enough sleep because work stress and struggling with productivity. My health suffered a bit too because I didnt have time for lunchtime exercise anymore. 

November

Technically there was a lockdown but it felt no different because everyone was still in school and work, I dont think people even tried this time. 

The election, refreshing the results constantly. I fully expected a T win and was happy when he didnt but still disappointed at how close it was, as was everyone 

I bought my first Christmas tree and my own decs. Christmas shopping obvs. 

I downloaded Tiktok and started to question far too much about my identity. its ongoing. 

Most important was SUPERNATURAL. I had alot of feelings, it was an absolute rollercoaster my god. What a time to be alive that was. 

A couple of outside coffees in the park which is always nice. I went to a new friend’s house for tea and met their dog, also nice. 

I did a SV for the first time in a very long time and it reminded me of everything I used to hate about my old job, so happy to have left there

Test weekend taking the cat to stay with the family dogs, she did great, shes a champ

December

Pretty standard Christmas month. Had a christmas movie night with themed snacks and hot chocolate with one friend. Had another friend come for the day to do the same - first time I had seen her in a year after 3 cancellations, that was very lovely

Constant restriction changes and crappy government pissing me off but it didnt affect my plans luckily

All the Tier 2, Face Hands Space signs feeling very dystopian

Brother’s 30th plans got cancelled coz COVID. Back up NYE plans got cancelled got COVID. Actual NYE was fine tho the normal show/song/crowd was cancelled coz of course COVID 

OVERALL

Not so good shit

I mean the whole thing in general yknow

Alot of plans couldn’t go ahead - various groups I wanted to join, a new gym, more nights out with more people, more chances to meet new people ETC

My diet has been an inconsistet shit show BUT TFB there were months where you couldnt predict what was going to be on the shelves, you couldnt get orders and the whole world felt so pointless and dark like why even care about that shit yknow

My exercise also wasnt consistent though I dont feel too bad about it. I was always doing something I feel like even if it was just walking

Ive ended the year with the same amount of savings I started with which isnt exactly bad since I moved and furnished a flat and got a new pet but it isnt great

I hate WFH with a burning passion and im worried the world has accepted that as a new normal and im not okay with it

None of this shit is over yknow

Just a general hopelessness is the face of big world things yknow. Theres really nothing we can do about it, just gotta ride that wave and vote when ya can

No travel - I had such plans!!

Good shit

My new fur baby who I love and adore beyond sanity

Starting a good job in a great city with lovely people

Growing so much in confidence because Fuck it, everything is pointless anyway and theres no point in planning or caring so imma just do me

Exploring so much of who I am through new relationships, my own environment, little things like exploring my style, picking up old hobbies, trying new routines and habits

Strengthening some friendships and maintaining others despite the insane obstacles

Maintaining a positive relationship with My Mum in particular, and my whole family

Trying new things in my new city. Still managing nights out, a somewhat proper birthday and a short trip

No actual mental breakdowns which this year feels like a win. My mental health is actually in such a better place then it was this time last year. The job was killing me, thank fuck I got out when I did 

I redid more then 1 30 day programs and did 2 straight months of weights 

My family, friends and I are all safe and well 

Music of the year:

Hamilton

An awful lot of Panic! 

Anyone - DL

Partition (idk dont question me)

Basically alot of drama while trying to hold on to both my emo and club days - fuck I miss clubbing yall. I dont even like clubbing. 

Media of the year:

I should acknowledge Shameless even though I came full circle on it and have now fully abandoned the whole thing and prefer my own AU where Milkoviches get what they deserve 

Schitts Creek

Supernatural 

Hamilton obvs

Marvel technically, it was alot of hours

Staged

Derry Girls

Pose

The Old Guard

Pride - which is not new but we watched it on Christmas eve and I cried in my mums lap okay 

Ship of the year has to be Destiel I mean standing ovation for that rage inciting moment followed by a solid month of absolute chaotic good, it was glorious in its destruction. 

2021 INTENTIONS TO FOLLOW 

[thiswasasuperterribleidea]

Just gonna draft an email real quick...

Maybe hi? So..this email is associated with your contact in my phone. I have no idea how or why, or if it’s even one you use. I have no idea if it’s a valid email.  I have no idea how it got there because I know I’ve never communicated to you through it before. But ...it’s here, because iPhones are too smart, and it’s very creepy. I have no idea if you read your emails or not. I usually don’t even open mine. I automatically check them all as read and move on with my day. Unless I’m looking for something specifically, or a good sale comes along and makes me go online shopping. So I have no idea if you will ever receive this. Or ever read it if it is received. Maybe you will notice it and just delete it entirely. Maybe you think it’s spam. I did give it a weird subject name... I’ll never know. That gives me a little bit of anxiety...but I hope this story book email finds its way to you and you read it. I can promise you one thing, it’s not what you think it’s about... and hopefully you find the time at some point to read it for what it’s worth not as a “how the fuck does this girl have my email now?”.... cause I truthfully don’t even know the answer to that lol. I’ve been to counseling a few times. I explained the anxiety I developed from being blocked. She told me to send a letter. I told her I don’t know your apartment number to mail it , and that you probably have nightmares of me showing up to your complex, and  that because of that reasons I wouldn’t drop it off in the mailbox myself lol.  She then suggested writing emails. She told me what I just said up there...I’ll never know if you get them or not. But it’s a good way for me to decompress my brain. So here’s my email!!  I’ve been doing really well! I want you to know ! I’m finally becoming happy again! I almost said becoming myself again... but it’s not again. It’s that I’m finally becoming myself ! I’ve been working on myself a lot. Ive reconnected with a lot of my old friends. People I always forgot to check in on regularly in the past year and a half. I felt really bad about it once I’d realized how much I distanced myself from such good people. At first it was like I was only coming back around because I was going through a hard time. I was really guilty for a while. Guilty in terms of that, in terms of blaming myself for why we ended.... But I’m so happy to be back in touch with everyone that I felt I had no time for before. I learned how to make time for everything and everyone important, not just one person important to me. I’m really excited about that.  I’ve even met a couple of new people who’s  company I enjoy a lot. This is huge for me, because meeting new people wasn’t ever something I was good at. I still live with danielle. I learned to sleep alone when she’s not here and to not check the door 8 times to make sure it’s locked. I learned to be alone, which is also something I was never good at. Oh, and my coolest update yet is that I started a blog! Dwight gave me the idea a while ago. He told me I should write a book lol. He told me my life is too entertaining right now, so I started a blog to share my craziness that I’m finally embracing. I don’t understand how blogs work or how people market for them. But I know I have one, and I know a lot of people found it in the past month, and a lot of people laugh because of it . I feel like I’m helping strangers a lot. They relate and laugh at my insane things and tricks I tried to play. But it’s also teaching them self control that I didn’t have.  It’s funny because it’s like I’m just this random typically emotionally unstable girl giving advice to strangers through a heartbreak and they love it... when in reality I shouldn’t be allowed to give advice to anyyyone and people should not want to listen to me lol. It’s so funny.  It’s like I’m low key famous. Maybe they’ll pay me soon. If they do I’ll be sure to thank you! It feels really good to be able to embrace my situation and find a way to take something I wasn’t originally happy with and make it something positive. While I have been doing well, I still have my lows. Sunday wasn’t a good day for me and neither was yesterday. It’s weird . It’s like the universe truly knows when you’re doing well... so something comes and punches you in the face real fucking hard to really see how well you’re TRULY doing. Life is just so many tests. Sunday morning I woke up to a text from Katie. She was out at Geronimos and saw you on a date. She told me she hated to be the bearer of bad news, but she thought I should know. I hate her for telling me that. I was doing so well moving on. I would have been so much better off not having any idea. It set me back. She told me you were laughing and having a great time... with a pretty girl. That you were very comfortable with her. I originally prayed it was Nicole. I wished it was you with your friend. Of course I asked. I didn’t want to assume you were on a date. I try to assume as little as possible and be as rational as I could be now. Most importantly I didn’t want to lose the self control I built while being blocked and text you losing my mind... especially if I was wrong.  But she said she was absolutely sure it wasn’t Nicole.  She said she saw you leaving holding hands with your new GIRLFRIEND. As soon as she mentioned holding hands... I knew what you did that night. I knew you weren’t just out with any random girl and holding hands... but Katie calling her your girlfriend pushed me over the edge. So I relapsed. I texted Nolan. I asked Dwight if he knew. And I tried to ask you myself. I know I didn’t need to ask you what I already knew the answer to. I knew it wasn’t my business anyway I unfortunately just had it dropped on me. I still don’t think Katie needed to tell me what she saw. But I don’t want you thinking I’m some stalker with eyes on you at all times. I’m sure that’s how you I assumed I knew... I wish Katie saw you and didn’t tell me about it. Id be doing a lot better without the setback. I know it’s been a few months. I know you did nothing wrong. I know you just moved on faster than I did. I’m not sure how to put the idea in your head since I don’t have the same effect on you that you had on me.  But try to picture someone you spent the past year and a half with and you personally wanted to spend another year and a half with and make better than the prior. Maybe your ex before me... And then picture them in bed with someone else what feels like so soon to you....The bed you used to lay in almost every night... but now they’re laying with someone else... being touched by someone else...Inside someone else. Remembering everything done between us.. knowing now someone else- someone maybe better... is doing that for you now. Knowing perfectly well, that once that happened... you cut all ties and all emotions with me. That you just didn’t care about me anymore. I was replaced . I get it, it’s part of life. But it cuts like a knife. Especially when you just started doing well... I know you think I’m crazy, but it is nothing but natural for that to eat at a person. It’s every ex’s worst nightmare. Are you in love again already? Was it a rebound without feelings? Was it the best you’ve ever had? ...hoping it was mediocre... but knowing it probably wasn't. Those aren’t Francesca’s crazy thoughts, those are a normal human beings thoughts. As I continue meeting new people, and pick my next person... those thoughts will eventually disappear. But Sunday, they were there.  So I am sorry for relapsing. No matter what pain it brought me, I know you weren’t happy with me, and I am happy as long as she is making you happy in the ways I never did. I was never mad. Throughout the time you’ve had me blocked, I finally came to my senses. I realized while I was in love with you, I too realized you weren’t the one for me. That doesn’t mean knowing you’re with someone else who maybe is your one doesn’t knock the wind out of me. Which is also normal. While I struggled at work for a bit while going through this, and tormented my team...I managed to get back on top of things. I missed top ABM in August by 1 point when things were real bad, solely because of my personal sales. So... in September I made sure to kill it and came through #1. So that was exciting. I’m going to 7c, which I wouldn’t call exciting but I’ll try to make the best of it on my new little island. It’s weird.For some reason, I thought when my email rolled, either for 7c or for top abm that you would text me calling a truce. Saying congrats ... hopefully you have some more self control now... let’s keep it civil. If not an unblock then I honestly expected an email from you. I just want you to know where I’m at right now, and not hearing from you through either of those moments hurt more than finding out you are with someone else... don’t get me wrong, I get it. You were loyal to me, and I’m sure your new girl doesn’t want you communicating to your ex in anyway. I wouldn’t want that either... but it really put me in my place that you really don’t care about me anymore. And that really hit me like a ton of bricks. After a whole year and a half of almost everyday spent together, you cut me off and moved on like I never even existed... it’s crazy because I know that tends to happen with some relationships. But I thought ours was different. While we didn’t work out, and weren’t meant to be together ... I thought we mutually still cared about eachother. I thought we still would wish eachother congrats when they were due...Dwight told me you arent unblocking me when I go to 7c. It’s so disappointing to know that after all we have been through together, that you have 0 intention to ever unblock and speak a word to me again... it’s hard to process how blindsighted I was.  I never thought you would want to delete me in ever humanly way possible. Its a lot to accept. Darren, I will probably always have some type of feelings for you... but I have realized that I too, am not in love with you anymore. I did think you were someone different, and while I know my personal mistakes I’ve realized a lot more flaws in you too. You aren’t who I thought you were... well maybe you are that person... just not with me. But I have no hard feelings. I still find it shocking for you to not care about me at all.... I know I became intensely frustrating, but we had a strong past... but I have no hard feelings. If you took the time to read this, I appreciate it . But at this point I want nothing more than to be civil professional acquaintances at work.  And I want to reassure you that can be a thing. I have said everything I could possibly think of here. If you read this and are thoughtful enough to just acknowledge to me that you got it , I would appreciate it. I don’t see you doing that either way, but that would be cool. I would love for you to comment on anyyy of what I said and have a civil conversation with me before seeing eachother at whatever work function.. just so it isnt tense . It’s time for me to act like an adult... thank you for maybe taking the time to read ?  I just want you to know.... I’m doing a lot better... Xo francesca 

[goodlifexplorers-blog]

This 8 Months Baby Update will be the shortest to date since the last one was so late and I wanted to make sure this one was posted closer to the actual date Roark turned 8 months.

This past month we went camping for the first time in our travel trailer and we purchased a child carrier specific for hiking. Roark preferred this carrier over the others we have used with him because it was more roomy and gave him enough space to stand up if he wanted and was comfortable enough to fall asleep in, which he did several times. The rain/sun shade that we also purchased for this trip came in handy as the sun was out in full force. Camping with a 8-month old in our travel trailer was actually pretty easy, we just went with the flow and kept a similar routine we have at home – one of the perks of having an actual bed, kitchen and bathroom available.

8 Months Baby Update

Baby R’s Stats

At Birth:  6lbs 12oz, 19.5 inches tall, size newborn clothes and diapers.

2 weeks old: 7 lbs 3oz and measured 20.25 inches tall, size 0-3 months clothes and size 1 diapers.

2 months old: 11 lbs 11oz and measured 22.75 Inches tall, size 3-6 months clothes and size 2 diapers.

4 months old: 15 lbs 6 oz and measured 25.5 inches tall, size 9 months clothes and size 3 diapers.

5 months old: 16 lbs 14 oz and measured 25.75 inches tall, size 9 months clothes and size 3 diapers.

6 months old: 17 lbs 10 oz, 27.5 inches tall, size 12 months clothes and size 3 diapers during the day and 4 at night.

7 months old: 18 lbs 8 oz, 27.5 inches tall, size 12 months clothes and size 4 diapers.

8 months old: 19 lbs 8 oz, 27.5 inches tall. size 18 months clothes and size 4 diapers.

* If you are wondering why I include clothes and diaper sizes is because when I was pregnant I had no idea what size clothes to buy and which size diapers to stock up. So by listing it here I can give you a glimpse into how fast babies grow and also remember what it is like if I ever have a second child.

Feeding

I spoke too soon on last month’s update about Roark outgrowing his dairy/soy intolerance. He may be less intolerant, but he still has a reaction to it specially if I eat something with dairy a few days in a row, even if in small amounts. I don’t know if I mentioned before what is like for a baby to have a reaction from dairy/soy. It’s like they are in excruciating pain along with gas, hard stomach from bloating, diarrhea and diaper rash. Spitting up can also happen. I just absolute feel floored when I see him cry and fuss all day with no relief and know that it’s something I ate. Those days I wonder if I should just switch to formula.

I am also a little worried that Roark seems to be gaining weight, but seems to have not grown in height lately. I know he’s supposed to slow down, but shouldn’t he grow a little? His next pediatrician appointment is not until next month, so I will have to keep a closer eye on him this month.

Diapering

Baby R screams and cries when we change his diapers. It’s the weirdest thing. He has never liked having his diapers changed since he was born, but around 4 months he had gotten used to it. Now it seems that he’s back at hating it. As soon as I lay him down, it starts. I’ve started distracting him with a small toy or book, and that seems to do the trick for now. He has also started to want to crawl mid diaper change so pretty soon I may have to start changing him on the ground.

Sleeping

We were experiencing a sleep regression last month and Baby R’s naps were thrown out of whack. He seems to be slowly getting back to taking 2-3 naps a day now and since I started putting him down on his pack and play with the TV on, he seems to stay asleep and get 40-90 solid minutes of rest. I have also in the past couple days upped his calorie intake before bed serving him oatmeal cereal right before his night routine in the hopes that he wouldn’t wake up as often during the night. It seems to be working (fingers crossed). He is back to waking up every 3 hours, which is still not ideal, but at least it’s far enough apart that I can get some rest as well. If he keeps doing well with the added food, I will work on dropping the nightly feedings.

Developmental – 8 months update

Spends 80% of his time standing up on whatever he can get to

Has “shuffled” around furniture – not far, just a couple steps

Has learned to crawl underneath furniture

Can take his shirt off

Post-partum update

A post coming soon!

Some Thoughts on Motherhood

Have I told you how much more I appreciate my mom since I became a mother myself? I know, everybody tells you that, but I always thought it was because I would have to pay for all the horrible things I put my mom through those rebellious teenager years. Ok, so maybe it lasted a lot longer than teenage hood. I was and still am as stubborn as a Rottweiler.

Some people say that it’s because after you have a kid, you understand how much your own mother loved you. Part of it is true, but I always knew my mom loved me deeply even when we would fight like cats and dogs.

So what has made me appreciate my mom a whole lot more? The fact that she took care of me and continues to take care of me while I take care of my little one. My mom spent a month at my house after I delivered Roark, making meals, getting things for me while I breastfed, cleaning my house… letting me only worry about taking care of Roark and healing. I wish everyone could have support and love like that. It is a stressful time of change and having other things to worry like making meals or cleaning the house just add to the stress. I credit my mom’s help and reassuring presence for not falling into the motherhood blues like so many women experience. I also credit her with being able to sleep at least one week of the month since then, when she visits, which keeps me sane and recharged.

I know I am very lucky that my mom can do that for me. I know it’s not everybody’s situation. I am just very thankful that she has been here for me, specially since she didn’t get to experience the same love and support from my grandmother who unfortunately passed away when I was 6 months old. What a horrible time it must have been for my mom. I never gave it much thought until now…

Thanks mom! I love you now more than ever and I am very blessed to have you in our lives! (Oh! And don’t cry too much…because I know you will…)

This is my motherhood tidbit for you this month. I hope you enjoyed this 8 months baby update. If you would like to see Roark, watch the video here.

xoxo

Jana

8 Months Baby Update This 8 Months Baby Update will be the shortest to date since the last one was so late and I wanted to make sure this one was posted closer to the actual date Roark turned 8 months.