#wftwbts

[supersugatrash]

Welcome. First Time With BTS?

A/N: Annyeong! Alright, here we are. The long overdue chapter 15. This one was really hard to write and not necessarily because of the plot itself, but because I was somewhat terrified of the reactions this could get. I know, it’s dumb, but we all have our own demons. Then, like a miracle, recently something happened to me that really got me out of my funk, so I started up Word and finally got to writing again. Again, I cannot promise I’ll post more regularly from now on, but I still intend to post whenever I feel the creative juices flowing. I have not given up on writing and myself and I hope neither will you. If you want to keep up with what I’m doing, you can always check out my Twitter @/Supersugatrash where I post a bit more frequently and give a lot more insight on where I am with my stories and even post some random blurbs every now and then. /unnecessary ramble over. I hope this will answer all the questions you’ve had after the last chapter! Enjoy. :)

Story Summary: You wish your life was normal again, but you know it will never be the same. Not with what you’ve experienced since joining one of the most dangerous Gangs in Seoul: Bangtan.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU

Word Count: 6,741

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

Drabble #01

Warnings: Strong Language, Violence (towards every character, including reader), Major Character Death? (Gotta find out for yourself lmao) – You have been warned.

Part 15

Tick. Tick. Tick. As the clock struck midnight, it seemed like time came to a halt. An excruciating halt that captured your pain. One, two, three tears rolled down your cheeks as you looked at Hoseok, the sound of the heart monitor producing a never-ending, heart wrenchingly sharp tone that filled the room. This was far from right; he wasn't supposed to die. He was going to wake up any minute now, glaring at and blaming you for getting the two of you into danger. Any second now, he was going to curse you out. Any moment now he was going to jump out of bed, put on his spiky mask and get as far away from you as possible. You were sure of it.  

Everything, absolutely everything, felt surreal to you. Like this moment didn’t happen; like it was never supposed to happen. Yet here you were, standing in front of Hoseok’s bed, staring at his lifeless body as you hoped for a miracle. You gently grabbed his wrist and tried to feel for a pulse, but there was nothing. Not a twitch, not a bump, just… nothing. You placed your fingers on his soft neck, but it was just more of the same. The brutal reality of it all was hopeless and grim and it felt like a slap across your face when you finally admitted it to yourself: Hoseok was dead. 

Namjoon was still sitting in the other room, clueless of what was happening only a few feet away from him, and you didn't have it in you to tell him. Not yet. How could you? The shock still hadn’t quite set in with you and you had only met him a few weeks ago. Just thinking of the suffocating pain in Namjoon’s eyes when he would learn about this news made your heart ache once more. You lost someone you wanted to call a friend, he had just lost a part of his family and if someone knew that agony all too well, it was you. No, you really couldn’t tell him. 

You quietly sat next to Hoseok and couldn’t tear your eyes away from his face. He looked at peace, as if he was finally free from all the pain he had endured in his life. Once again you took his hand in yours and cried. You cried for a few seconds, which turned into minutes and then into hours, thinking about the time you had wasted not getting to know him better. 

Jung Hoseok was a good man, no matter how much he had tried to mask it. He was willing to forfeit his own life to save yours, even though he had always made sure to let you know how much he had resented you. Seeing him lying there in front of you, it was difficult. Difficult because you felt guilty. Guilty, because you had cheated death numerous times in the past few weeks alone; so why couldn’t he?  

At three in the morning, when you thought there were no more tears left, the door to the room opened and you couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. 

“Hey, Y/N, I saw your light was still on and just wanted to check in with you before –“ Namjoon stopped in his tracks as he looked at you sitting next to his brother. You never dared to look at him, terrified of the look in his eyes, but you didn’t need to. Namjoon knew exactly what your silence meant. He slowly approached the two of you with a quiet step, as if any sound he would make could cause more harm to the situation.  

Namjoon sat down next to you and took one of Hoseok’s hands in his. It was as if both of them had frozen in time as Namjoon kept that pose for what felt like hours until a single tear rolled down Namjoon’s cheek while he kept looking at the friend he had just lost. You had never seen him cry, especially not since you had joined Bangtan. He had always been the strong leader that would keep his cool and would reassure everyone that everything would turn out just fine with his presence alone. But not this time. This time just believing in a miracle was simply hopeless. “Why are you being so selfish, Hoseok-ah?” he whispered with a sombre voice as he clenched a fist with his free hand. Suddenly, he stood up and out of nowhere punched Hoseok square in the face. “Are you really leaving at a time like this?” he paused for just a second before he added a quick “Fuck you.” Another one of Namjoon’s hits landed on his deceased friend’s face. Namjoon was ready to unleash more of his rage on him, but before he could continue, you did the only thing you could in that situation. 

You didn’t fear getting in Namjoon’s way as you quietly hugged him from behind, your face burrowed in between his sharp shoulder blades and your arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He was in the middle of another swing when he noticed you holding him as he abruptly stopped his movements. His entire body tensed up at your touch, before he finally dismissed his irrational anger and let his sorrow unfold. He stood there like a helpless child, his arms and head hanging low in defeat. After a few minutes, he turned around to you and pulled you into a wistful embrace as he buried his head in your shoulder for comfort and cried. “This isn’t fair.” Namjoon whispered under his soft sobs. He cried for his lost brother, for lost time, for lost sacrifices and for lost memories. Namjoon truly cared about every single one of Bangtan’s members as if they really were his family, but he seemed to have had a special connection with Hoseok. A connection that would now be one-sided. 

--- 

You couldn’t fathom how quickly a week had passed, it was as if in the blink of an eye you had skipped multiple days at once with a hazy recap of everybody else getting involved in the preparations for Hoseok’s funeral. It was… truly heart-breaking seeing their spirits so low. Nobody laughed, everybody only spoke the bare-minimum and Namjoon had locked himself up for most of it in his apartment. Everyone was, simply put, completely miserable. It felt as if when Hoseok left this world, he took everyone’s hope with him. 

Eventually, the seven of you had gathered in the loft of The Slaughterhouse, after finally having received Hoseok’s ashes. All of you were sitting around a table, drinks were poured even in the early hours of the day as you blankly stared at the urn centre piece. 

“So,” Seokjin suddenly broke the silence, “what are we going to do with him?” He looked into the round and was only met with more silence and cluelessness in everyone’s eyes. 

“We could spread his ashes.” You said. Having Hoseok’s urn sit around the loft and collecting dust wasn’t what he deserved. 

“But where?” Jimin asked. 

“It should be at his cabin.” Namjoon chimed in with determination written all over his face. “He hated it here,” Namjoon chuckled lightly, “and he would haunt us until the end of time if we left him anywhere other than his home.” Everyone, including yourself, smiled at his words. They knew he was right and you had seen Hoseok hold a never-ending grudge first hand. For what it was worth, you thought it felt fitting for someone that seemingly preferred his own company over others. And so, all of you decided to meet up at his cabin that evening. 

--- 

A few hours later you were sitting in a car with Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon on your way to the last place you thought you’d ever be again: Hoseok’s home. On the lonely country road, you were overcome with emotions and memories, as if they had just happened yesterday. You clearly remembered your first trip with Jimin to meet Hoseok and how nervous you were to stand up to him. You remembered how he taught you to use a gun. You remembered sharing a meal with him. You remembered finding out about his past and you remembered him finally letting down his walls. And still, after everything that has happened, you felt guilty. 

You looked over to Namjoon as he quietly stared out the window, his elbow casually propped on the armrest of the door and his head resting on his palm. He looked lost, as if the death of his friend had rid him of his purpose. You silently took his hand in yours, mimicked his pose and stared out the window. You wanted him to know you were there for him, even if he didn’t ask for it. Both of you needed comfort on this tragic day. He squeezed your hand lightly in return and tightly held onto it for the rest of the drive. 

When you finally arrived at your destination, everyone just… sat there for a while. Nobody wanted to leave the car, nobody wanted to take a step into his home knowing he won’t be there to greet you or curse you out or close the door on you. Everybody knew this was most likely the last time they’d come here and then this would be just another abandoned shack in the middle of the woods. 

“I need some fresh air.” Yoongi muttered as he hurriedly left the car and immediately lit a cigarette as soon as he had closed the door behind him, before he walked off and far away from everyone else. Ever since you had left the warehouse, he had distanced himself from you and with Hoseok’s passing it just seemed to have gotten worse. Was there something going on he wasn’t telling you? 

“I’ll go check on Yoongi.” Seokjin excused himself as well. And so, you were left alone with Namjoon. 

“You don’t have to stay with me.” You almost missed Namjoon’s words when he finally spoke. “I’m fine.” 

“Are you, though?” you asked, almost just as quietly as you unbuckled your seatbelt and turned towards him. “We barely saw you this past week. I know you’re in pain, but we need you, Namjoon. We need our leader.” 

He looked at you and blinked once, twice, as your words set in. “We need our leader?” he smirked. He didn’t even bother trying to hide his pride, he was simply happy you finally saw yourself as one of them. Until he pointed it out to you, you hadn’t realised it yourself. But you truly were one of Bangtan. You finally wanted to be one of them. It felt like this was what it had to come to for you to accept your destiny. 

“Oh geez, don’t make such a big deal out of it.” You blushed a little, but it was true and it felt right. 

“You know what, though? You’re right.” Even if he wanted to, this was not the time for teasing. He slapped his hands on his legs, filled with determination. “Hoseok would hate to see his family go down like this. We’re fighters, so let’s continue fighting on.” You smiled from ear to ear at his encouraging words, even if you weren’t sure this really was his final resolve. 

When it was eventually starting to get dark outside, everyone had finally gathered all their courage to come together around a cosy campfire behind the rundown cabin to start the final journey of Hoseok’s life at his last resting place. Everyone was standing in a circle while the fire crackled into the night and Namjoon firmly held onto the urn. “First off, I’d like to thank everyone for coming.” He let out a heavy sigh as he started his speech. 

“I know this is hard for all of us and I’m sure this is the last place any one of us saw themselves be. Hoseok wasn’t just any ordinary guy and I was actually sure he’d outlive all of us out of pure spite.” Namjoon chuckled wistfully. “But alas, here we are. Saying our final goodbyes to our beloved brother, who gave his own life to protect his family. I’m sure all of you have something to say about him, so I will stop my rambling here and whoever wants to go next can have the spotlight.” He looked expectantly into the group and as you followed his mourning gaze, you saw a sweet memory spark up behind everyone’s eyes as they remembered the man of the day. 

“I will go first, then.” Seokjin cleared his throat before he began his sweet anecdote and everyone quietly took a seat on the long wooden logs behind them. 

One after another they had a special story to share about Hoseok. About his kindness that he would never show to anyone other than his brothers. How he was always there when you needed him, no matter the time or day and no matter how big or small the favour was. They spoke about how humble he was, never asking for anything other than to be part of a family. 

By the time everyone had finished, it was already pitch black around you, but nobody cared how long it took to spill their hearts out. And then all eyes suddenly landed on you. 

“What about you, Y/N?” Jimin asked, “Anything you want to say?” 

“Oh, uhm…” You were taken aback. Did you really have the right to speak about him after only knowing him for such a short amount of time? But you quickly earned an answer as Namjoon gave you a quick nudge, as if had read the question was clearly written all over your face. “I may not have been able to get to know him better, but the last day I got to spend with him really showed what an amazing person Hoseok-ssi was.” You looked at everyone in the group. Some of them had tears in their eyes, if it was because of their own speeches they held a few minutes before you or because they were touched you were saying a few words of your own about him, you didn’t know. Some of them looked at you with hope and a caring smile as you spoke. But one of them averted his gaze from you all together and it pained you that it had to be him.  

Yoongi was fixated on the beer bottle in his hand, rubbing off the paper label as his defined jawline clenched up with every word you spoke. “I don’t think I can ever repay what he did for me that night and I am so grateful for his forgiveness of the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I wish there was more that I could have done for him and I wish I would have made more of an effort to get to know the Hoseok you all loved so much –” 

“Bullshit.” Yoongi scoffed as he looked at you with an ice cold glare. ”This is all your fault and you know it.” Even though you were on the same level, he was clearly looking down on you as he tilted his head, taunting your very presence at this gathering that was supposed to be an intimate moment among family. “If you wouldn’t have joined us, he’d still be here with us.” 

“Come on, Yoongi. I think you’ve had enough.” Seokjin tried to make an effort to take the beer bottle out of his hand, but Yoongi quickly avoided him, accidentally knocked over the five other bottles that were piling up next to him and held onto it tightly. 

“No, you guys are just being fucking delusional here.” He continued his outburst. “Ever since she’s been with us, we’ve had nothing but trouble. People are getting stabbed or shot, we’re being followed everywhere we go and now one of us is dead, for fuck’s sake! She’s jinxing us! We’ve been doing this for years without any major hiccups, but now shit is hitting the fan all at once. Don’t you think that’s even just a little fucking weird?” Yoongi stood up from his seat, “I’m sick and tired of this shit.” And with that, he left the fire and went inside Hoseok’s cabin. 

Tears were running down your cheeks as you blankly stared into the crackling fire, unable to move or say anything. What could you say to that? He was right. And, deep down, everybody knew it, even though none of them wanted to admit it. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, he’s just drunk.” Jimin sat next to you and put an arm around your shoulders. 

“That doesn’t give him the right to speak like this to one of our own.” Namjoon glared in the direction of the cabin, as if he was trying to reach Yoongi through the walls with his piercing gaze. 

“I’m so sorry.” You said through your sobs and sunk your head into your hands. And with that, everyone’s mood had reached a new low. 

--- 

A few hours later, you had calmed down and were once again chatting with the others, still sitting around the fire and reminiscing about every memorable moment they had spent with Hoseok. The stories just kept on coming, mainly because everyone knew once they stopped, this would really mean saying goodbye to their beloved friend and none of them were ready for that. Not yet. His urn was still sitting next to Namjoon, and they knew they had to spread his ashes eventually, but not until everyone was present. 

“What time is it?” Namjoon asked into the round. 

“Uhm, let me check.” Taehyung held up his index finger as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Five minutes to twelve.” 

“I think someone should go get him.” Namjoon didn’t dare to say Yoongi’s name, still too angry about the way he left the fire. But he didn’t need to. Everyone around the fire suddenly felt tense thinking about what had happened only a few hours ago.

“I’ll do it.” Seokjin stood up from his seat and walked towards the cabin. He knew, as the eldest and Namjoon’s right hand, it was his responsibility to keep a level head when their leader could not.

Only a minute had passed since he went inside, when you suddenly heard both men yelling at each other and everyone hurriedly ran to see what was going on, including yourself. But when you finally reached the entrance, you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. 

Yoongi was sitting in Hoseok’s armchair, his eyes wide with a mixture of anger and insanity behind them as he pointed his gun at Seokjin. “Don’t you see, hyung? She’s ruining us from the inside.” Yoongi spoke in a menacing tone when he realised everyone had gathered around the broad-shouldered man. 

“Woah, Yoongi hyung, calm down!” Jimin was trying to calm the situation down and slowly made his way towards the armed man. Inch by inch he closed the distance, until he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t fucking take another step closer.” Yoongi pointed his gun at Jimin’s feet and sent out a warning shot just in front of him within a split second. 

“This is going too far. Put the gun down, Yoongi.” Seokjin held his hands up and spoke in a composed manner to keep the situation from escalating further. 

“The fuck I –“ Yoongi never got to finish his sentence. The next thing you heard was another gunshot that landed right between his eyes. You let out a terrified and pained scream that felt like your heart was ripped out of your chest, before you ran up to Yoongi and held him in your arms as the blood started streaming over his face and coloured your shirt a crimson red. “Yoongi…” you whispered, your tears dripping down on his lifeless body as you slowly started rocking him back and forth and closed your eyes, hoping this was all just a bad dream.

“What the –“ everyone simultaneously spun around and saw the smoking barrel that was attached to Namjoon’s weapon. “We don’t need any more liabilities in our family.” He said, unfazed by what he had just done and with a complete lack of remorse in his eyes.

And then the old grandfather clock in the living room let out its toll that echoed through the night. The world around you came to a halt and everything and everyone froze in their place. 

--- 

Tick. Tick. Tick. You opened your eyes again and you were back in the practice, cold sweat running down your forehead as you frantically looked around and spotted Hoseok lying in his bed, strapped up to all the machinery. This was when you felt a cruel sense of déjà vu. Hasn’t this happened before? And if it did, why did time turn back to exactly one week ago? It was as if you had gotten a glimpse into a dark and painful future. Or maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. But maybe, just maybe, this was a second chance to save him. The echo of the machine was drowned out by your pained wails as you sunk next to Hoseok onto the bed and tightly grabbed a hold of his gown. Why did you have to go through this again? Was this some kind of sick joke the universe played on you? 

That's when you noticed it; the smallest movement of his finger. No, it couldn't have been real. You told yourself you only wanted to see him move to ease the pain as you anxiously checked the machines. You looked over everything again and again as you swore the twitching in his digits continued. Maybe it was even getting stronger? Lastly, you inspected the clip on his finger and to your surprise you realised it was no longer attached to him. His steady movements had shaken it off as he fought for his consciousness to return back to reality. A shocked and hopeful gasp escaped your lips, before you repositioned it on his hand and waited for just a second. A second so painfully drawn out it felt like time was standing still again as you held your breath and tightly onto his free hand.   

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Hoseok-ssi…" It was a reflex as natural as breathing, you whispered his name like it was a word you couldn’t live without.  

The sound of the machine filled the room once again as you quietly sat with him. He was so close, yet so far away. Trapped in his own mind, light-years from reality. “I believe in you.” You lightly squeezed his hand, your words casting a comforting and protective shield around him as the warmth of his being projected a similar sensation in your palm. You owed your life to him and this time, you were ready to protect him as well. 

--- 

The following morning you were woken up by a faint knock and you found yourself lying right next to Hoseok, who was still in his unchanged state, as the door to your room opened carefully. “Knock knock.” You saw Namjoon step inside with a cup of coffee in each hand. “I hope I did it right this time?” he smiled coyly. As you propped yourself up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, he sat down on the chair next to you with a sheepishness in his eyes that caused a sense of nostalgia within you. You remembered this smile well. Whenever you had a big fight, he would look at you this way. It was his way of feeling the air between the two of you as he waited for a reaction. “How is he?” he asked to break the ice as he handed you one of the cups which you immediately encased with both of your hands.

Well, that was a tough one to answer. On one hand, he seemed to start regaining his consciousness, which obviously was a good thing. On the other hand, was this even reality? “I… I think he’s… doing okay…” you answered cautiously. In case this was really happening, you didn’t want to jinx anything.

Namjoon nodded, a hint of disappointment visible on his face. But there was something else. He was clearly gathering his courage as he struggled to find the words for a few minutes, so both of you sipped on your coffee in silence. “Listen, about our conversation yesterday…” he finally spoke up.

“You were right.” You quickly interrupted him as you looked down and fiddled with your thumbs. It pained you to admit it. Not because of the defeat itself, but because you had trusted Taehyung so much you were willing to pick a fight over it with someone you used to be so close to. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Namjoon gently placed his hand on yours, encasing it entirely. Maybe you had been wrong about him, too? He had given you so much support, during what could have only been described as the worst of times, yet you only focussed on the negatives. 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” You sighed, still avoiding his eyes. “If anything, I should be the one apologising to you.” You wanted to say more. You wanted to do more. You felt a deep remorse as you thought about all the times you should have apologised to him. But he wouldn’t let you. 

“How about neither one of us apologises and we reset everything. Again.” You suddenly looked at him. The kind smile his lips had curled up to, the forgiving look he gave you, his charming dimples; You couldn’t help but smile back. “I’d like that very much.” 

“So,” he quickly changed the topic, “how are you holding up?” His voice was calm and the concern in his eyes showed his true emotions. It wasn’t just a simple and awkward conversation starter. With everything that had happened and with how you had been acting those past couple of days, he really wanted to know more.  

“I…” but how were you really doing? Ever since you had started spending time with Taehyung, you tried your best to forget about everything and your feelings were nothing but a jumbled mess. “I don’t really know, to be completely honest.” You sighed. “I haven’t really thought about it lately. A lot happened at once, but everything suddenly calmed down as quickly as it started. It kind of feels somewhat… unreal?” 

“Like the calm before the storm.” He finished your thought and looked as if he was reminiscing about a painful memory. As if he knew that same exact feeling too well.  

Whenever you had gotten a break like this, something worse was always lurking just around the corner. Hell, you still hadn’t had enough time to come to terms with the death of your parents because of all the other problems that started piling up. “I feel like no matter how quiet it is right now, it won’t last. And before I know it, somebody else gets hurt.” With Namjoon right by your side, you finally had someone you could talk to about everything. He still knew you the best after all. You blankly stared at your coffee, deep in thought and contemplating telling him about the events of the previous night, but quickly decided against it to protect him. And because you actually weren’t sure what really happened last night. It was a trance that could only be broken by his words. 

“This might sound odd, but it’s a good thing you feel that way.” Confusion was written all over your face when you looked at him, as if he was speaking an entirely different language. “In our world, danger, pain and betrayal are constantly lingering somewhere in the darkness. You might think you can trust these quiet moments, but it will always come back to haunt you.” He took a deep breath, before he slowly unbuttoned his white shirt and revealed a long deep scar across his chest. It seemed to have healed up years ago, but that didn’t make it any less scary. 

“How did –“ your words came out as a whisper, but the shock behind them was loud and clear. 

“This is the reason I’ve formed Bangtan.” He said just as quietly, but there was a hint of anger in his otherwise sad tone. “When my old gang decided to walk down the wrong path and turn against one another, Seokjin was the only one I could rely on. This is a constant reminder that you can’t trust anyone. Even if you think they are family.” You reflexively moved your hand closer to the scar, as if you were drawn to it like a moth to a flame. You could sense the physical and mental pain he had endured just by looking at it. As your fingertips slowly reached his chest, his body suddenly tensed up for just a second, as if your touch alone was hurting an open wound, and he quickly held onto your hand with his, seemingly to stop it from opening up any further. 

This tender moment finally made you realise something: You might have known everything about Kim Namjoon, but you knew absolutely nothing about the man in front of you. The two were no longer one and the same. He had led his own life since he had left, he had endured his own hardships and happiness. All this time you had compared him to the boy he once was, without ever recognising him as the person he had become. Seokjin’s words were echoing in your head and you had to admit he was right. You were still living in the past, but you decided you finally wanted to spend your life in the present.

As you felt his heartbeat with your fingertips and his large hand on yours, you felt as if you were burning up inside, as if every moment you spent not looking in his eyes was pure torture to you. When his gentle gaze fell upon yours, the tension between you started to feel unbearable. He looked at you as if he had just fallen head over heels for you and he was suddenly in awe. His plump lips parted ever so slightly as he stared into your eyes and you were pulled towards them as if you were under his spell. The distance between you was closed inch by inch and, for the first time in a while, it felt like the stars had finally aligned for the two of you.

There suddenly were no more thoughts about the past, no resentment and no what ifs. It was just you and him, sitting across one another. You were merely inches away from him, but you were closer than you had ever been. Now that you finally saw him for who he had become, you realised how stupid the grudge you had held onto for so long really was. Namjoon was gentle and kind, even after whatever it was he had endured. He was considerate of your feelings, considerate of the time and space you needed to process everything and, most importantly, he was protective of the people he loved, which he had proven a number of times included you.  

You could feel his warm breath against your skin as you closed the distance between you. It was as if a window opened after you had closed the door on your relationship, as if there really could be something between you again and all you needed to do was give him a chance. It was finally your time and your lips were about to touch as the long-awaited drumroll kicked in.

But, as life would have it, that never happened. You were unexpectedly interrupted when his phone started ringing and both of you let out an annoyed sigh. You hurriedly pulled back and your cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he picked up the call. “What is it?” he said, slightly out of breath. 

You phased out the entire conversation as you regained your composure and fell in deep thought. It felt right, but that didn’t mean it was. Was this really what you wanted? Maybe. But was this really what you needed? Were you just trying to fill a void in your heart? No matter how you looked at it, you needed more information before you could decide. 

"I'm sorry, that was Jungkook." His eyes fell back on yours as he spoke. The conversation apparently ended much quicker than you had anticipated. "Looks like work is picking up early today." Even though he gently smiled at you and lovingly stroked your cheek, the tension between you felt unresolved. You were looking around the room as he buttoned up his shirt again, trying your hardest to avoid any awkward conversations about what just happened, when you noticed the calendar next to the door.  

"The wedding!" You suddenly exclaimed, a little louder than you had intended.  

"Huh?" Namjoon looked at you, confusion written all over his face when he stopped in his tracks.  

"Minseo-ah's wedding is next weekend!" You had completely forgotten about it because of the events of the previous weeks when your mood quickly dropped. You used to long for a normal life, and this might have been your only chance of ever getting it back. A normal life. Those days seemed so close, yet so far away. Was it even still possible? 

"If…" Namjoon paused, struggling to find the words as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "If you want to, we can still go together. Maybe. But only if you really want to. Don't feel like you have to say yes. No pressure. I just thought you might –" he stammered, before you kindly put a stop to it.  

“Oh, this is awkward…” you said, hiding a big grin as his shoulders sunk in defeat, “My high school sweetheart already asked me a while back. Sooo…” Who said you couldn’t crack a joke every now and then? You could feel the sigh of relief he let out when he realised what was going on. 

"I would love to." You smiled brightly at him when you finally gave him a proper answer. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to find your answers. You hadn't gotten to know him – the real him – very well in the little time you had spent with him since you had been reunited, this would be the perfect opportunity to do so.  

He grinned from ear to ear at your words, a dorky smile you hadn't seen since he had first asked you out years ago, before he continued his way towards the door. "Yes! Okay. Great! Cool. I mean… uh… I will see you later then." Namjoon finger gunned backwards and accidentally walked against the closed door before he hurriedly left the room in embarrassment. Maybe there still was a bit of the old Namjoon left inside him after all? 

--- 

Your day was already off to a great start. You were feeling confident in yourself and your decisions again for the first time since the incident with Hoseok and you were filled with energy. So, you decided to go for a run in the park in front of the practice. Nothing too intense, just enough to get a good sweat in so you could get back into the swing of working out again. Ever since you had left the warehouse, you had let your exercise slip and you started to notice it. But now, with Hoseok’s state taking a turn for the better, you finally felt at ease again. There was still hope. For you. For Hoseok. For Bangtan.

You happily changed into something comfortable, put on some sneakers and plugged your earphones into your phone before you descended down the elevator and took in the fresh daytime air. This was great. You were focussed, smiling and completely feeling yourself listening to music that continuously pushed you on. Every time you passed a stranger that happened to look at you, you gave them a friendly nod and a big grin as you ran and shared all of your positive vibes with the rest of the world. And when you eventually returned to the practice and were about to go for a shower, there was one more surprise fate had up its sleeve. 

"Wh-Where… Am… I…?" The voice was quiet and in rough shape, his throat had completely dried out, but you recognised it immediately and let out a surprised gasp. 

"Hoseok-ssi!" You almost screamed his name in excitement as you immediately sprinted towards him and gave him a long overdue hug. 

"Oof!" He exhaled deeply as you crashed into him, a tender smile resting on his face. "C-Care…ful, please." 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!” you hurriedly let go of him as you continued rambling on. “I'm just so excited you're awake and –" 

"Wa…ter…" He slowly reached out his hand towards the bottle on your nightstand. 

"Yes, of course!" You quickly retrieved the bottle and a glass and filled it for him, before you carefully started helping him drink every last drop. 

It took about half an hour to get him into a condition where he could speak freely again and another thirty minutes to help him go to the bathroom after he refused to let you continue babying him - as he put it - but eventually you were both in a place where you could finally talk about everything that had happened. 

"You know, being in a coma is an experience I can't recommend." He chuckled, an awkward attempt to lighten the mood when he saw the tears that were welling up in your eyes as you looked at him, filled with hope. "You can hear everything that's going on, but nobody can hear you yelling at them to leave you alone." 

"E-Everything?!" You repeated, your face turning hot pink as you remembered every conversation you've had in this very room while Hoseok was lying in his bed.

"Look, whatever is going on between you and Yoongi hyung… or you and Taehyung-ah… or you and Namjoon-ah is none of my business. But maybe take your conversations somewhere else if someone is in the room with you from now on. Even if you think he's unconscious." He smiled, visibly enjoying teasing you. 

"I am so sorry, Hoseok-ssi…" You didn't dare looking at him once as he listed off all the men in your life that were causing you a major headache. 

"But, in all seriousness," he gently took your hand in his as he spoke and his eyes looked almost apologetic when you finally looked at him again, "thank you for saving me. I know this wasn't easy on you either, but I appreciate you believing in me when I needed you the most."

That was… Unexpected. A genuine Thank You was the last thing you saw coming from someone that had, until recently, only shown you resentment and anger. "Hoseok-ssi… You don't have to –"

"But I do." he quickly interrupted you. "All I did was being rude to you and that wasn't fair. You were already going through a lot and my comments were unnecessary." 

"You've saved my life, too, Hoseok-ssi." You smiled brightly at him, tears starting to roll down your cheeks. "I'm just so happy you are alive and well." You tried to wipe away all of your tears with your sleeve, but to no avail, they just kept on coming and when you eventually gave up and looked back up, you saw something you had never expected to see in your life. Hoseok was looking at you, crying – just like you were – as he finally showed his true self to you for the first time since you've met. This was the real Hoseok he was hiding behind that spiky mask. Raw and uncut. He hated seeing you cry, even if they were happy tears, and couldn't hold his own emotions back any longer when he eventually pulled you in for a tight embrace that both of you needed in that moment. You did, because the heavy weight you had carried was finally lifted off your shoulders. He did, for reasons he wouldn't reveal to you until a much later point in time.

[supersugatrash]

[supersugatrash]

Welcome. First Time with BTS? Drabble #01

A/N: Annyeong! So, you’re probably wondering why the hell I’ve been working on a drabble rather than the actual story. Welp, I kept thinking about how Taehyung became the way he is now and what was going through his head during the party. Well, 2.6k words later, here we are. I don’t know if I will make regular drabbles from now on, but maybe from time to time. Hope you enjoy… whatever this is.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU; Taehyung POV; Angst; Fluff

Word Count: 2633

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

Warnings: Strong Language, Mental & Physical Abuse, Antisocial Personality Disorder (Sociopathy) – You have been warned.

“Antisocial personality disorder with sociopathic tendencies.” Those were the words the psychiatrist used to describe Taehyung when he was only ten. They echoed in his head like a chant that day as he was sitting at the large wooden dining table and mindlessly poked around in his elaborate meal. He was angry, angry at the world for not understanding him, for not seeing him as normal. He blamed everyone else for making him the way he was. He blamed everyone but himself.

A few years before, he was still craving attention when he blew up his neighbour’s mailbox with a firecracker. Attention from his father, his mother, anyone. But what he got was not at all what he was looking for. No words were spoken as he received his punishment in the form of a stern look, followed by a firm slap across his face from the man he had looked up to. The disappointment in his father’s eyes every time he failed him as an heir and son was something Taehyung would never forget.

But the abuse didn't stop there. Mister Kim blamed the young boy when his mother left them only a year later. "She did it because you're a disgrace. She is ashamed of you," he'd say and the child believed him. Taehyung was angry with himself for driving his parents away from him, for not being more loveable. But eventually, the guilt faded.

When Taehyung was fourteen, he started staying out until the early morning hours. He would spend all night picking fights with people he had outwitted and getting into trouble for hitting on the wrong girls. He was incredibly smart for his age, most of the time finding easy ways to escape dangerous situations just by talking it out or because of his expert levels of deception, but he would eventually mess with the wrong people.

Not even a hint of remorse was left when Taehyung was sixteen, his father's words numbing any emotion he could have. "I will no longer tolerate this behaviour. From today onward I do not have a son." His father said when Taehyung called him from jail, asking him to pay his bail. Being disowned by his own family should have hurt him, it should have broken him, but there was nothing. He expected this to happen, he wrote his father off as unreliable and heartless years ago, so he hung up on him with a straight face and waited.

He waited in his cell for two days when he was suddenly facing someone he had only heard stories about, someone he had never met in person until that day; The owner of The Slaughterhouse and leader of Bangtan Sonyeondan. The infamous Kim Namjoon.

"I'm only helping you out on one condition,” Namjoon said to him as they looked at each other through the bars. “I want you to join us.”

---

You had shut yourself in for only a day and Taehyung already noticed the change in everyone's behaviour. Nobody felt like going out, nobody was talking about anything other than you and Hoseok, nobody was interested in him any longer. And soon he was bored out of his mind. Where was all the excitement they felt before? Having you around spiced things up tremendously and Taehyung was enjoying himself for the first time in years with all the action your addition to the group brought. But now all of it was gone. Just because of a simple mistake Hoseok had made on one of his jobs that lead to him being followed to his home and getting shot.

Taehyung needed to change something and quick. He couldn't help Hoseok, he was no miracle worker, but maybe he could get you to open up. Some people are difficult to figure out, but most of the time all it took was a story. A story that would connect him to the other person on a deeper level – even if he had to embellish the truth just a little bit. Telling you about the first person he had murdered was sure to do the trick.

As soon as you started talking and eating again, his brothers became more active as well. He was once again welcome to visit Jungkook at home and observe the people on the street through the wall of monitors and Seokjin invited him over to his place to pick up the food he had prepared. Even Namjoon started giving him minor tasks again and slowly getting the business back on track. Finally, Taehyung had something to do again. Something that wasn't listening to everyone's complaints. And all it took was to spend some time with you.

He had to admit it, you weren’t so bad to have around. At least when you weren’t so depressed about everything. You were funny, had your heart in the right place and you weren’t too bad on the eyes either. If the situation hadn’t been so fucked up he could have even imagined himself making serious advances towards you. But then again, he wasn’t interested in a love quadrangle.

---

His first real job, after a week of miniscule tasks, finally came around. Namjoon had instructed him to go to a party and find a certain person that held information of utmost importance to Bangtan. All he had to do was talk, while Jimin got his hands dirty. It was nothing to Taehyung, a job you would give to a newbie, but it was something. Within seconds he thought of multiple ways to sneak in, but ultimately decided the easiest approach would be the front door. He knew the people at the event, he knew the ins and outs of the world they lived in. After all, he was part of the same society for most of his life. And then he got an idea.

“There’s this party tonight the boss wants me to attend, but I’m having a hard time finding a plus one.” He saw the curiosity in your eyes the moment he had mentioned something about his job. Of course he didn’t have trouble finding someone, if he wanted he could have shown up with ten girls on each arm to the gathering, but he simply hadn’t asked anyone else. You were the only one he wanted by his side that evening. Not for sentimental reasons, of course, he simply thought it would be fun. You were in no way trained to act appropriately in those kinds of situations, it was sure to be an eventful evening.

Patiently, he waited for your response, though the outcome was already clear the second he told you about the party. “I can come with you.” It was almost too easy, as if he had put the words in your mouth himself. But there was still a hint of uncertainty in your voice, a tone that carried all your hesitation, which was immediately erased the second he tried to talk you out of it.

---

For the first time in over five years, Taehyung was standing in front of his father. It was the first time he had felt uneasy in a while as he inspected the man that threw him out of his house, parading around a woman who might as well had been his older sister. To make matters worse he had called Taehyung son, as if it was a word that carried any kind of meaning to him.

The only form of comfort Taehyung had that night was knowing you were there. You weren’t going to betray him, at least not on that specific evening, you were simply too kind and naïve.

“So, Hanna is your girlfriend? Why have I never met her before?”

Taehyung couldn’t help but scoff at his father’s words. “I don’t know, father. Maybe because you disowned your own son when he needed your help the most?”

“Don’t start anything with me now, son. People could hear your baseless accusations.”

“Ah, yes. I forgot your image meant more to you than the well-being of your child.” He rolled his eyes, the nerves the man in front of him had to tell him what to do were actually laughable. “It would be outrageous if people would think of you as anything other than a loving father.”

“How dare you speak to me this way? I have given you everything you needed and you still turned out to be a disrespectful child.” His father didn’t need to raise his voice to carry out a heavy feeling within Taehyung. But those feelings weren’t pain, all he felt was anger for letting him continuously lie to his face. He worked hard for his father’s attention when he was young. He may have been fed and dressed, but that was nothing compared to the love he always craved.

“Well, at least you have one child with you tonight that’s willing to fulfil every single one of your ridiculous demands. How is that gold-digging wench of yours doing anyways?” Taehyung had a smug smile on his face as he spoke to the man, proud of the insults he had thrown around towards him and his stepmother. But his father wasn’t as pleased as him. Without a warning he attempted to slap Taehyung across the face, but he managed to duck just in time. Too many times had he been on the receiving end of his violence when he was a child, but now he was an adult with the graceful reflexes and speed of a peregrine falcon.

“I see you are still the same violent bastard you have always been.” Taehyung straitened his clothes as he spoke and looked the man in front of him straight in the eyes. “If you’d excuse me, I have more important matters to attend to.” And with that, he left his father, who was fuming with rage at the aggravating encounter, standing by himself.

Besides the little hiccup with his father, the rest of the night went smoothly for Taehyung. He quickly identified his target as he made idle chit-chat with multiple other people and called Jimin to take care of business. Within ten minutes of his go, the short man was inside the venue and knocked out the target. Perfect. Now all they needed was a little distraction.

---

Taehyung was pleased with himself as every step of his plan seamlessly fell into place. The proposal went smoothly, even though he was worried for just a second you might refuse him his victory, and Jimin got away without being spotted. This called for celebration.

As the two of you swayed to the music on the dancefloor, Taehyung noticed a shimmer as he looked into your eyes and it triggered something within him. Something he hadn’t felt before. Something he thought nobody else deserved from him. Ba-bump. His cheeks turned a peachy shade of pink as he felt his heart beat freely for the first time. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. An unsteady beat that overpowered the rhythm of the music. As he went to dip you, he felt as if the small of your back was made for his hand, and his only. What was this feeling? It couldn’t have been…

Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two.

It felt as if that single word was mocking him as it stuck out to him like a sore thumb. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. He was sure you could feel his heart was about to jump out of his chest, so he quickly took a deep breath before he spoke. “Y/N-ah,” it was the first time he called you by your name and it scared him how perfect it sounded. Your enjoyed hum against his skin didn’t help either as he had to swallow every bit of nervousness. “I hate to ruin the mood, but we need to get going.” You didn’t, but he did. It was concerning to him how comfortable he felt around you. Was this what genuine affection felt like?

“Please, Taehyung-ah,” he blinked once, twice when you said his name. You said it so softly, so sweet and innocent, yet there was this need for more; a need for him. Nothing could ever compare to how it made him feel like you were just his. “just one more song.” For the first time in his life, he felt at peace. He had been happy many times, but this joy was entirely different, it felt more honest than he had ever been. It reminded him of his childhood, this was what he had always been wanting. Taehyung let out a soft chuckle as he continued holding onto you tightly, afraid the second he’d let go he would realise this moment never actually happened.

Ba-bump.

---

As soon as you stepped out of the mansion, you were no longer Taehyung and Hanna. He could no longer allow himself to be deceived by the fantasy he had created. Especially since he was so certain you were merely playing along to keep up the act. He simply couldn’t face you anymore with the emotions in his head driving him crazy. As he walked off, gratified with how the night turned out, he noticed you stopping in your tracks, seemingly a million miles away from him. “You coming, noona?” he was looking at you expectantly, but he continued walking as if he was running away from the urge to go back to the world where the two of you could have been.

As you quietly stomped past him, he was confused. Why weren’t you just as thrilled as him about the successful act the two of you kept up? When you sat down on the bench, he immediately joined you, as if he was pulled towards your very being by a rubber band.

“What was that stunt all about?” Your question was filled with emotions and on top of that list was your anger. As you waited for the car and continued speaking in that tone, one word continuously spun around in his head. Why? Why were you so angry? Why were you not smiling anymore? Why did it feel like every time he looked at your sad face he was burning up inside?

The car ride back to the practice was quiet, but he needed the silence. It was as if his mind couldn’t function anymore, the same word continuously flashing up like a virus. Nothing made sense anymore.

When the vehicle came to a halt in front of the familiar building, he couldn’t keep quiet anymore. He simply had to know. “Hey,” his voice was small, like that of a child that had just been scolded, his usual confidence nowhere to be seen. “We’re still good, right, noona?”

The second the words had left his lips he had realised something. He couldn’t read you anymore, the simple fact he had to ask about your feelings made it clear. The lines between Hanna and Y/N were too blurred as he searched your eyes for an answer.

“No.” It was the saddest word in every language in response to that question. He was thinking about every possible reply you could have given him, except that one. But before he could get another word in, you rushed out of the car and went inside, without looking back at him once.

That night he was lying on his bed. He thought about his past, about the party, but the one thing that kept him awake was you. The way you looked at him with that same disappointed look in your eyes as everybody else in his life pained him. But it was that same night when he realised for the first time how agonising it felt to be hurt by someone he cared for.

[supersugatrash]

Welcome. First Time with BTS?

A/N: Annyeong! Just as promised, I’ve let you guys decide what we’ll do for the day! A surprising majority wanted to see the return of old faithful, so I’ve been cracking away on this thing for the past few days. Not only is it this blog’s anniversary, but also this story’s, so I think it’s safe to say you guys chose wisely. I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter. :) Thank you for being part of why I’m still here after two long years, I could never repay the joy all of you have brought me by simply giving me a chance every single time I post something. You guys are the real MVPs here.

Story Summary: You wish your life was normal again, but you know it will never be the same. Not with what you’ve experienced since joining one of the most dangerous Gangs in Seoul: Bangtan.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU

Included: Reader, Taehyung, Namjoon

Word Count: 6.257

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Warnings: Strong Language, Violence (towards every character, including reader) – You have been warned.

Part 14

You were tired. So, so tired. You slept throughout the entire day, and then you slept some more. The only times you got up were to use the bathroom or get some water, you refused any kind of sustenance or human contact, all because you simply couldn’t function anymore. Seeing Hoseok lying on the bed next to you only filled you with more grief. He managed to survive thanks to you, but had been in a coma since, trying to fight for his life as you freely got away with yours. Whenever you had closed your eyes, you saw the man in front of you. The man you had shot. The man you had killed. You were haunted by the image of the last bit of life draining out of his body as he sunk to the ground and yet nothing but emptiness was inside of you. No tears, no emotions, nothing.  

The others should have been working, but they kept on coming back to check on you and Hoseok, worrying more and more as time went on. The food Seokjin had prepared for you was left untouched, the magazines Jimin had brought were left unread and the gifts Namjoon had bought were left unopened. You didn’t deserve any of it. Or at least that’s what you had told yourself.

“Sweetie, you have to eat eventually.” Seokjin sat on the chair next to your bed as he gently held your hand the following evening, but you didn’t want to respond. You knew he was right and eventually you would cave, but instead you let a deep pit in your stomach grow further and further as it fed your inner demons. He let out a deep sigh before he stroked over your hand with his thumb one last time and let go. You felt a small piercing pain in your heart as you watched him leave, the little voice inside your head screaming for any kind of contact, but you drowned it out as the door closed behind him. You were just lying there, staring at the wall, then at Hoseok and then looking up at the ceiling, a vicious cycle that corrupted your thoughts. They were yelling at you for killing a man and you fell into a frightening darkness. This wasn’t who your friends wanted you to be, this wasn’t who your parents wanted you to be, this wasn’t who you wanted to be.  

Murderer. Complete failure. Utter disappointment. The words echoed through your head as you begged them to stop. You pleaded for forgiveness, for a second chance, but they weren’t laying off. Not until you heard a faint knock on the door once again. 

“Noona?” Taehyung poked his head through the crack as he opened it ever so slightly. No response. “Can I come in?” More silence as you averted your gaze from his pained eyes. You hadn’t known him all too well, but you still knew his manners were unlike him. All the times you had talked to him he was friendly and bubbly, but today he was quiet and seemed concerned. Even without the okay, he came closer and sat down on the foot of the bed. The two of you shared an almost unbearably quiet moment as he looked around. At Hoseok, at you, unsure of what to do or say. The only sound that repeatedly echoed through the stillness was Hoseok’s heart monitor, mocking your very core with a consistent beat. “I know this is hard, we’ve all been there before, but you can’t continue blaming yourself for what happened.” He suddenly broke the silence, knowing full well it was messing with your head as much as it did with his.  

“He would have killed you. And Hoseok hyung would’ve never made it back either.” He sighed as he looked at the ground, as if the words he was struggling to find were laid out there in plain sight, and fiddled with his thumbs. “I remember when I first killed someone…” He spoke again, a whisper that carried all his emotions on the tip of his tongue and weighed heavily on his shoulders. “I’d been part of Bangtan for a while at that point. There was this girl I hit on, she was pretty, not really the smartest, an easy target. What I didn’t know at the time, though, was that she was the sister of another gang member and he was super protective of her. Well, fast forward, we ended up at my place and were making out when he stormed in, yelling from the top of his lungs that he would kill me – and he was ready to, he literally pointed a knife at me. So I grabbed the first thing I could find, an empty beer bottle, smashed it against the wall and we started to fight. I don’t remember much of what happened during the fight, I just saw this red curtain in front of my eyes when I stabbed him over and over again. Next thing I knew he was on the ground, I was covered in blood – partly his and mine – and… I just ran. I remember calling the hyungs and they helped me cover everything up, but I will never forget that terrifying experience.”   

He suddenly stopped when he realised how much he had told you. Speaking came naturally to him, but he usually kept it more light-hearted. You noticed the bloodshot eyes, his trembling fingers digging into his legs, as if they were trying to brandish all his thoughts back onto his being and hiding it from the real world. At the painful sight of his struggle, you couldn’t keep quiet any longer. There was something about this boy that made you want to protect him from all the negativity, you just wanted him to never stop showing you that boxy grin of his.  

“I’m so sorry, Taehyung-ah…” you carefully placed your hand on his when he quickly looked up at you. “You talked!” his lips curled up into a smile, but his eyes still wouldn’t. It was an ever so slightly difference in the usual expression he would display, but you noticed it. You noticed as he crinkled his nose in delight, but his eyes showed a memory better left unspoken. Maybe he was making that story up to get a reaction from you, it was his job to trick people after all, but something told you this was far from a lie. Something about his behaviour told you this was one of the most honest things he had ever shared with another soul and you finally felt understood.  

In some way or another, his story helped you. Maybe not right away, but knowing someone else had gone through the same pain dulled the voices in your head. They were the ones that were at a loss for words when you started being able to speak yours freely again.  

“Would you share a bite with me?” he grabbed the plastic containers from your nightstand, knowing full well you wouldn’t begin eating them on your own. You fell quiet again as you watched him pop the lids open and grab the wooden chopsticks that were neatly wrapped and placed inside them. He carefully picked up a piece of meat and started moving his hand towards you, but you simply looked away to refuse his offer. Out of the corner of your eyes you watched his shoulders sink as he sighed, before eating it himself. He made it look so delicious, even more than it already did, your stomach started rumbling and a delighted chuckle escaped his lips.  

“Don’t tell anyone about this!” You said half-jokingly as you tried to bite back a smile, earning exactly what you had been longing to see from him in return.  

“Cross my heart.” He placed his right hand on his chest dramatically, before you picked up your own chopsticks and slowly started eating as well. This was a big step for you, both of you knew it, but neither of you spoke a word as you enjoyed the meal.

You spent the next hour listening to his stories, some more morbid than others, and half expected someone else to interrupt your chat, but they never did. You enjoyed the one-on-one time you got with him, it was an intimate moment you shared that helped you out of your slump and you felt closer to him just like that. It was the first time you realised there was more to Taehyung than the happy-go-lucky guy he presented himself as. 

---

From that moment onward, Taehyung spent every break with you, made sure you got at least a small bite inside of you and simply talked to you about his day. He never expected anything in return, not a story of your own, a smile or even a thank you, all he wanted was to see you get back on your feet – and maybe, for selfish reasons, some company. He was just different. The others urged you to go outside, they urged you to talk to them, they urged you to get back to normal, unintentionally trying to leave you no choice in the matter. They had your best interest in mind with everything they did, but they didn’t realise they couldn’t push someone to do something if they didn’t have the will to do so on their own. 

But Taehyung waited patiently. Both of you knew you weren’t going to get better until Hoseok would wake up from his coma, so he waited and waited for an entire week. The days dragged on as you tended to your patient’s wounds, hoping for any sign of recovery. He looked so peaceful as he slept, day in and out hooked up onto machines, fighting for his life and not having to see what was going on in the outside world. It was a hard sight to stomach. 

“Still the same?” you hurriedly turned around in surprise as Taehyung opened the door to your room with a plastic bag of food in each hand. Your attention fell back onto Hoseok, trying to avoid giving him the same response as the last few times he’d asked. You knew if Hoseok wouldn’t wake up soon, there was a chance he wasn’t going to ever open his eyes again. The longer it took for him to regain consciousness, the slimmer his chances of surviving were. Just looking at him brought tears to your eyes, from the scars on his body you could tell he had most likely endured worse, and for him to go down because of something like this just didn’t seem… fair. Especially after he had forgone his own life to protect yours.

“He’s a fighter, noona.” Taehyung caringly placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. “You’re doing everything you humanly can, he will be back on his feet in no time.” 

“I hope you’re right.” You sighed and walked back to your bed, where Taehyung and you quietly filled your stomachs. It was unusual for him to not even try telling you about his day. Normally he told you the most intricate stories that would happen on his way to get food, like the other day on his way to Panda Express there supposedly was someone trying to mug him and he talked him into turning his life around. But not this time. This time he absentmindedly poked around his dish with his chopsticks and showed no great emotion when a piece of the meal landed in his mouth. 

“Is everything alright, Taehyung-ah?” you barely managed to catch the look of surprise on his face when you broke the silence, before it was hurriedly replaced by his bright sunshine grin in the blink of an eye. “Everything’s great, noona.” He tried to lighten the mood, avoiding the topic all together, and left you with a half-hearted answer.

As soon as your stomachs were filled, Taehyung got off his seat, picked up his jacket and without any further indication started making his way towards the exit. “See you later, noona.”

“You’ve been acting weird all day, Taehyung-ah.” You grabbed his wrist in desperation as the only person you wanted to talk to was about to leave. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing important, really.” He looked at you with an apologetic expression. “There’s this party tonight the boss wants me to attend, but I’m having a hard time finding a plus one.” 

“Oh,” you quickly let go of him. He’s never really spoken of his work to you, so you had no idea it could weigh down on him so much. But it also piqued your curiosity. What really happened during one of his jobs? Was it as dangerous as what the others had to endure? “I can come with you.” You suddenly spoke up. You wanted to keep him by your side for as long as possible, he was the only person that successfully kept you sane in such troubling times, and, most importantly, you finally wanted to get out of the practice. 

“No, you really should stay here and rest.” He looked somewhat offended at your suggestion, as if the mere thought of you coming along was a personal insult to his capabilities of finding a date.

“But I want to!” you protested, “I’ve shut myself in here long enough, I could really use the fresh air.” He averted his gaze for a second, deep in thought, as he tried contemplating other options and ultimately failing. 

“All right,” he sighed, “but only if you’re really sure you want to.” You jumped up in excitement and nodded heavily. His concerned and stern face suddenly changed as he happily watched your enthusiasm. This was the cheeriest he had seen you in a while, it was simply impossible not to be affected. 

“You don’t have to worry about a thing,” he eventually started taking his leave again, more joyful than he came in. “I’ll be back at five with everything you’ll need!” 

You sat back down on your bed, hands clasped together on your lap in anticipation, as you patiently waited to finally leave your temporary home again.

---

But before you could go on your little adventure, you had another visitor that day. “Knock knock,” the door opened and Namjoon stepped inside with a shy smile. He hadn’t left the practice unless necessary these past couple of days, mainly working from your office to be nearby in case of an emergency, in case you needed him.

“You know people usually also knock when they say that, right?” you chuckled, your head still above the clouds thinking about going outside.

“You’re in a good mood today,” his smile widened, his dimples reflexively appearing into sight, “did something happen?”

“I’m going out with Taehyung-ah tonight!” you exclaimed, proud of yourself for making the first steps towards recovery. But Namjoon didn’t seem to see eye-to-eye with you as his expression suddenly turned sombre.

“Please, don’t.” he paused for a second, trying to find the right words, “It’s great that you want to leave the practice, but Taehyung is bad news.” You were confused. How could he speak so callously about someone he had considered family?

“What do you mean?” you furrowed your brows, trying to understand the reasoning behind his words.

“He attracts more than just women, Y/N.” he sighed, “Trouble follows him wherever he goes.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Taehyung was a good man, he wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt you, he had proven that much in the past.

“You don’t seem to understand. He doesn’t care for people, no matter how much you want to believe he does. That’s why I pay him, that’s why he’s so good at his job – He doesn’t have a conscience.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually saying that about him.” As always, you made it your mission to stand up for your beliefs and, in this case, to stand up for Taehyung. He had been there for you during an incredibly low point in your life, he gave you the support you needed to get back on your feet.

“I’m not stopping you, if you want to go, do it. Just be careful with how much you’re willing to trust him.” You could see it in his eyes, the pain he felt as he vehemently tried to protect you from harm, but you had always been stubborn. He knew he couldn’t have stopped you, you always wanted to prove others wrong and that you could trust your instincts more than them. But he wouldn’t give up trying, even if it meant losing you in the process.

Before the situation could escalate, like they tended to do when the two of you were left alone, Namjoon quietly took his leave. Sure, you were angry with him once again, but the lingering feeling of guilt stood its ground as you sat in the room alone, with the consistent beeping of the machines mocking the last bit of hope you had for a good night.

---

At five PM sharp, Taehyung arrived with multiple bags of clothing, shoes and accessories. What really caught your attention, though, wasn’t the mountain of things he had carried, but what he was wearing. He was sharply dressed in a dark grey suit, a white dress shirt and a teal tie with his hair styled effortlessly as if he had just rolled out of bed. You couldn’t help but swallow at the sight as you were swept off your feet by his charming looks. “Something wrong, noona?” he asked with a genuine expression of concern resting on his face.

“N-No, everything’s fine.” You tried to laugh off the embarrassment of staring at him for just a moment too long before you quickly hid your face behind one of the dresses he had picked out for you. You earned a smug chuckle from him as he sat down on your bed, swiftly unbuttoned his jacket with one hand and neatly placed it on the chair next to him, before rolling up his sleeves and revealing his tantalising forearms. You were sure he must have known the torture behind his actions. 

After a while of going through the bags, you were completely overwhelmed by the enormous variety of cocktail dresses he had bought just for this event, but when you had finally found the one, you hurriedly made your way to the bathroom to try it on. Taehyung quietly waited on your bed for you to get dressed, and when you came back out in a teal one shoulder cocktail dress, you started up the conversation again. “Say, Taehyung-ah, what is this party we’re going to anyways?” 

“Woah,” his eyes widened as he carefully looked you up and down, “you look stunning!” you blushed at his words. You hadn’t felt pretty – or even presentable – these past few days and receiving a compliment from someone as painfully handsome as him, put a bright smile on your face. When he regained his composure after staring at you with loving eyes, he finally answered your question. “The daughter of a very powerful man is celebrating her birthday.” 

You gave him a questioning look. “And what are we doing there?” 

“Socialising.” He shrugged. He had his reasons not to share more information with you, this was a job for him, but it still left you with a nagging curiosity in the back of your mind. 

--- 

You arrived at the party in Taehyung’s car an hour later, with full make-up, subtle silver jewellery and your hair styled in elegant diva curls. The two of you looked like an item as he carefully helped you out of the vehicle, handed the valet his keys and linked his arm with yours as you walked towards a big mansion that was built in the outskirts of the city.

The people inside were all part of the high society, filthily rich and carrying themselves as better than everyone else, but thanks to Taehyung’s eye for fashion, you at least somewhat looked like you belonged. As soon as you entered the mesmerising building on a red carpet, everyone started swarming you. It seemed like your partner was well-known in these parts.  

“Taehyung-ssi, it’s so nice to see you again!” A middle aged couple, which you assumed to be the hosts, approached you and you were immediately dragged into this strange world. A kiss on the left cheek, a kiss on the right. A firm handshake here, a quick hug there. It was all completely overwhelming and awfully fake. 

“The pleasure is all mine.” Taehyung smiled, “Thank you for the invitation.” 

“Oh, we’re so glad you could come on such short notice. It’s always so much brighter when you join our soirees.” 

“I could hardly pass up the opportunity to congratulate Mina-ssi on her birthday!” he carefully looked around the large room, “Where is she, by the way?” 

“I’m not sure, I last saw her speaking to your parents, dear.” You suddenly noticed Taehyung swallowing hard at the mention of his family. “Well, if you’d excuse us, there are a lot more guests to greet. But it was nice seeing you again.” The two left as quickly as they appeared, their interest already shifting to the people that came in after you as they walked by. 

“We need to leave. Now.” Taehyung leaned over to you as he whispered in your ear. 

“But what about your job?” you looked at him in confusion. 

“I’ll have to take care of it another time, let’s just –“ he was quickly interrupted from behind you by a middle aged, intimidating-looking, man, his arm linked with a young woman who looked merely a few years older than you. “Good evening, son.” Taehyung froze in his place and suddenly grabbed your hand tightly for comfort as he turned around to face the man. “Evening, father.” He took a second to acknowledge the woman’s presence. “Oh, and you brought your wife with you. Good evening, Sana-ssi.” 

“Taehyung-ah! You know you can call me mom.” The woman smiled brightly at the two of you and if you didn’t know better, you could’ve sworn you heard Taehyung say I’d rather not. 

“And who is this lovely young lady?” she shifted her attention to you, but before you could say anything, Taehyung quickly interrupted and wrapped his arm around your waist. “This is Hanna, my girlfriend.” Not only were both of those statements entirely made up, but he said it with such a confidence, such love and care, you almost believed it yourself as he left a loving peck on your temple. You looked at him, eyes narrowed and mouth agape, completely speechless.  

“It is so nice to meet you, Hanna.” The woman in front of you made overly dramatic gestures as she spoke. You noticed a light squeeze on your waist from Taehyung, opting you to say something. “Ah, yes,” you chuckled nervously, still confused and somewhat annoyed with your boyfriend, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, too, Mister and Missus Kim.” You gave her the best smile you could muster in the situation and were relieved to see it was working. 

“Where have you been hiding her? She is a delight.” She took one of your hands in hers as she suddenly started dragging you along. “You have to tell me everything about yourself, dearie.” You were unsure how to act. Should you stop her and risk blowing your cover or move along with her to the table she was dragging you to that was surrounded by even more chatty wives and wives-to-be? When you looked for help at Taehyung, he was already busying himself talking to his father and it seemed as if it wasn’t going well. His sharp jawline was made prominent when he subtly started grinding his teeth and clenched his fists as he was being lectured by the man in front of him. 

You wanted nothing more but to get out of the situation, but seeing as your company was already having a hard time, you decided to make things easier for him by playing the loving girlfriend. 

“Ladies, this is Hanna, my stepson’s beautiful girlfriend.” She paraded you in front of the other women as if you were nothing but a trophy and with that, the next hour was filled with questions you only had vague answers to. 

--- 

“So, Hanna-ssi,” one of the older wives looked at you expectantly, “have you and Taehyung-ssi thought about getting married yet?” With how lightly she had thrown around the word marriage, you nearly choked on your champagne. 

“W-We… haven’t really talked about that subject yet.” You smiled when you regained your composure. 

“You have to act quickly, dear. A handsome bachelor like Taehyung isn’t going to wait around forever! And he most certainly won’t stay single for long with all those women swarming around him all the time. If I was a few years younger…” you blocked out the rest of her rambling as you looked around to find Taehyung again, but he was nowhere to be seen. Over the last hour you could quickly spot him with other guests of the party, mostly men as they laughed and shared drinks, or on the phone, but now he’d vanished from your sight and it left you with an uneasy feeling. 

Suddenly, you heard someone clinking their glass, gaining everyone’s attention and, of course, it was none other than Taehyung who smiled brightly into the crowd. He was standing at the big, eye-catching staircase railing, a glass of champagne in one hand and a microphone in the other.

“I apologise for interrupting the festivities, but could I get your attention for just a moment, please?” he cleared his throat before he looked at the person you were supposed to celebrate. “First and foremost, I would like to congratulate the birthday girl on her 20th birthday. Mina-ssi, I’ve known you your entire life and it is an honour to see you have turned into such a wonderful woman. Especially after I had to model your dresses when you decided you wanted to become a fashion designer or you would've forced me to eat dirt when we were kids.” The room was filled with laughter. “But I would like for everyone to shift their attention at my adoring girlfriend, Hanna, who is with me here tonight.” He looked around, trying to find you in the huge crowd that one by one started staring at you. 

“Hanna-yah, would you please join me up here?” he held out a hand, patiently waiting for you to follow his request. You didn’t want to, you didn’t know why he had to make a scene now, you just wanted to sink into the ground in embarrassment as the women around your table started pushing you towards him. When you finally reached the top of the stairs and reluctantly put your hand in his, he immediately continued his intricate ruse.

“Jagi-ya,” he said it in the softest tone, the words sounding as sweet as honey as they fell from his lips, “These past few years with you were the greatest of my life and I consider myself lucky to be called yours." Even though you wanted nothing more than to vanish and never look at him again, your eyes were glued to his. That’s when you noticed the subtlest glance he took past you, and you started to realise that his plan, whatever it had been, was in full swing. You didn't know who he was looking at or why, but you knew it was crucial for you to play your part. “You are the most beautiful, kind and caring woman I have ever met and I simply cannot imagine spending eternity with someone other than you." He dragged out the speech as long – and as generic – as possible, filling it with anecdotes of how you met, your first date and made everything sound incredibly believable. If you wouldn’t have known it was nothing but a trick, you would’ve been swept of your feet by his captivating speech. He suddenly fell to one knee and your heart stopped as you held your breath. Was this really necessary? “I ask you, here and now, jagi-ya, would you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?” Fully prepared, he produced a small box with a red velvet bedding that held a big diamond ring from his pocket and presented it with the bright boxy smile – which you now started to resent – as he waited for your response. 

Of course you couldn’t say no, even though you had no idea what he was trying to cover up, so you quickly nodded with the most genuine grin you could muster and waited for him to put the ring on your finger, before he stood back up and gently held your hand out for everyone to see. “She said yes!” the crowd was clapping and cheering and you suddenly got the urge to strangle him on the spot. He made it worse when he smoothly pulled you towards him, his hands resting comfortably on your waist, and hushed the most innocent, barely-there kiss onto your lips before he pulled you into a hug. “Thanks for playing along, noona.” His whisper was so faint; you could hardly catch his words as they were drowned out by the noise of everyone around you cheering for the fake bride-to-be. 

When you finally stepped out of the spotlight – hoping your social nightmare would finally come to an end – with Taehyung’s hand still tightly holding on to yours, he gave a quick nod to the DJ, who in turn quickly changed the cheery music to Michael Bublé’s rendition of L.O.V.E., and crushed your hopes as he twirled you around on the spot and gently placed his hand on the small of your back. With him pulling you so close to his body as you started swaying to the slow, jazzy beat, you suddenly forgot everything around you. You forgot you were mad at him, simply because of the love-struck eyes he shot at you. You forgot all the terrible things that had happened to you and Hoseok as you finally enjoyed yourself for the first time in days. All you wanted was to live in the moment, to drown out the brutal reality, no matter how fake it was.

It was as if you really were in love with this man, as if his proposal was real and as if he only had eyes for you. This handsome young man, with his dishevelled hair, that damned boxy grin and the perfectly tailored suit, was all you wanted to think about. You felt the electricity rushing through his fingertips on every part of your body that he touched, you trusted him with every fibre of your very being to keep you safe as he dipped you down and you noticed the smallest tinge of pink appearing on his cheeks when you smiled back at him. You never wanted your moment to end, you never wanted to leave your little bubble of happiness. The world he had created with his words for just the two of you felt magical and your heart felt warm and loved.  

This was no ordinary man, he skilfully weaved entire tales with his words alone after all. It was then that you thought Kim Taehyung was worth falling for as you felt as if every breath he took was only so he could be by your side.  

“Y/N-ah,” with your arms loosely situated on his shoulders and your face resting against the crook of his neck, he suddenly whispered and broke the silence between you. The way he said your name was music to your ears and you hummed a happy tune against his skin in response. “I hate to ruin the mood, but we need to get going.” 

“Please, Taehyung-ah,” you quietly pleaded, “just one more song.” You didn’t want your time with him to end, your time as his future wife that would never need to worry about a thing, even if it was just for another few more minutes. You felt the vibration in his throat and the warm air blowing against your hair as he chuckled, the silent agreement as he pulled you closer towards his strong body. It was as if he felt the same, as if he was trying desperately to keep the illusion from fading as you continued moving from side to side.  

Nobody dared to interrupt the loving couple, you could continue on living your Cinderella moment until midnight. But when the metaphorical clock finally struck twelve as the next song came to an end, you reluctantly let go of him. One last time he placed a sweet kiss on your cheek, before he gently took your hand in his and lead the two of you towards the exit.

As soon as the door closed behind you, though, he let go of you, and his loving demeanour changed. The bubble suddenly burst into a million pieces as he started walking on his own, the ring on your finger suddenly weighing you down as you were pushed back into reality. “You coming, noona?” he looked back at you expectantly when you stopped in your tracks. This was it, all of your emotions came back to you and you were filled with anger while he pretended as if nothing had happened.  

You quietly stomped past him, getting impatient as you waited for the valet to pull up his car and sat down on a bench, far enough away from him to not be within your reach, but he didn’t seem to take the hint as he plopped down next to you. “You’re a great actress, by the way! I totally believed you in there!” You simply looked away, you really didn’t want to talk to him anymore. 

“Did you at least have a little fun tonight?” you noticed him smirk out of the corner of your eye and it just pissed you off further. 

“What was that stunt all about?” you finally opened your mouth as you glared at him. 

“I needed to cause a distraction, I don’t see your problem.” He shrugged.

“Not only did you fake propose to me, but you did it on another person’s special day!” 

“Ugh, I’ve never liked her anyways. She’s irritating and an attention-seeker, she deserved having the spotlight stolen.” Taehyung rolled his eyes in annoyance. It was then when you realised your thought from earlier was wrong. None of the emotions he displayed during the party were genuine, including the seemingly precious dance the two of you had shared. 

“And what about the ring?” you dramatically pulled the damned thing off your finger and waved it in front of his face. “Did you really go so far as to buy a diamond for this stupid lie?” 

“Don’t worry, noona, it’s not real.” He chuckled as he picked the gem out of its socket and put it in his mouth. “It’s just rock candy.” Of course. Just like your short-lived relationship, everything about this man was fake. You hated how much you had trusted him, how much you cared for him.

“Could you at least tell me why?” your voice was small, you felt tiny as the betrayal set in. 

“I’m sorry, noona. The boss doesn’t want me talking to you about this.” As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t blame Namjoon for your bleeding heart. Not this time. The only person you could blame for your hurt feelings was yourself. For one, because you let your guard down around a man that was known to lie through his teeth and secondly, for still caring about him despite his dishonesty towards you. 

As soon as your car pulled up and you sat down in the passenger’s seat, Taehyung drove off after quickly asking Where to? and your annoyed response Just take me to the practice.

Eventually, the vehicle came to a halt at your destination, the familiar building in your sight giving you a sense of comfort as you hurriedly unbuckled the seatbelt. “Hey,” Taehyung grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks, “We’re still good, right, noona?” 

“No,” you pulled yourself away from him and left. You had enough of him for the evening and just wanted to be by yourself.

--- 

That night you were lying in your bed, alone with your thoughts. Your mind went back to your dance with Taehyung, the blush on his cheeks, the coy smiles. You should’ve kept in mind that he wasn’t what a seemed, yet you decided to trust your instincts, trust in him. But it wasn’t as if nobody told you so. 

There were people that wanted to protect you, that actually cared for you deeply, people that put their trust in you and you failed every single one of them. All because of a pretty boy with an innocent-looking smile.

You just wanted the day to end, to forget whatever you thought you had felt and go back to being yourself again. But it didn’t. The agonising silence in the room was suddenly interrupted as the beeping of Hoseok’s heart monitor started getting more irregular. You jumped out of bed as quickly as possible, desperately trying to reach him, and by the time you did, the machine made the all too familiar elongated sound that broke your heart for a second time that night.

[supersugatrash]

Welcome. First time with BTS?

A/N: Annyeong! An update that didn’t take me half a year to post? That doesn’t sound right. But I’m telling you now, so nobody can call me out on my bullshit, I’m also going to work on some other stuff before the next chapter comes out. Y’kno, keep myself from feeling drained just looking at the story. Remember, though: It’s not over until I say it is and we’ve still got ways to go until the end.

Story Summary: You wish your life was normal again, but you know it will never be the same. Not with what you’ve experienced since joining one of the most dangerous Gangs in Seoul: Bangtan.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU

Included: Reader, Hoseok, Jimin, Yoongi, Namjoon

Word Count: 6,681

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Warnings: Strong Language, Violence (towards every character, including reader), Explicit Medical Procedure (idk it’s not the nicest topic to read about. Just a head’s up, yo) – You have been warned.

Part 13

When the dreaded morning came, you woke up in Yoongi’s bed with him fast asleep next to you. You never said your goodbyes the night before, but maybe it was better that way. Maybe it was easier for both of you if you simply… left. After all, you had an even more dreadful conversation with Hoseok ahead of you and you didn’t need to add to it with a heartache you never asked for. You quietly slipped out of his bed and made your way to your suitcase, quickly grabbed a few pieces of clothing and dressed up, before you carefully made your way towards the door. “And where do you think you’re going this early in the day?” Shit. Yoongi, still half asleep, propped himself up and looked at you expectantly.

“To go make some coffee for us and breakfast in bed?” you smiled awkwardly, the handle of your bag clearly in hand and frozen in your position as you were about to grab for the doorknob.

“Want me to pretend to sleep so you have time to come up with a better excuse?” he had now raised an eyebrow and was visibly annoyed.

“I’m sorry, okay?” you finally let go of your suitcase and walked over to the bed. “I… didn’t want to have to say goodbye to you, leaving for a while is already hard enough as it is.”

“I get it.” He said, looking out the window without any emotions in his eyes. You sat down next to him and put your arms around his body, feeling the icy wall surrounding him slowly melt down under your touch. At that moment you realised, you were no better than Namjoon. He had done the same thing five years ago and it broke your heart. You didn’t want anyone else feel that pain because of you.

“This isn’t goodbye forever, Yoongi.” You rested your chin on top of his shoulder and hugged him just a little tighter. He turned his face towards you and left a loving peck on your forehead. “I know,” he whispered as the two of you sat there in silence.

---

With a heavy heart, you said your goodbyes to the people that took you in when you needed help the most and sat down in the passenger seat of Jimin’s car. “Nervous?” Jimin looked at you with his kind and caring eyes.

“A little bit.” You forced a smile.

“Don’t worry, Y/N.” he firmly grabbed your hand. “You’re a strong woman now and nobody can take that from you.” With one light squeeze he let go and started the ignition, before driving off, further away from the city and the people you deeply cared for.

The car ride was quiet as you glanced out the window, not a single vehicle passing you far and wide, nothing but fields wherever you looked and tension building up inside of you. After an hour’s drive on a long and lonesome road, you took a turn onto a narrow path and entered a small forest area. “This is where Hoseok lives?” you broke the silence with a confused look on your face. “He likes to be on his own.” Jimin shrugged and continued on.

As you slowly approached a run-down cabin, you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Was that really such a good life to live? “Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to him?” As the vehicle came to a halt, he took off his seatbelt and turned towards you.

“No,” you sighed, trying your best to sound convincing “I’ve got this.” You hadn’t gone through all of your training for nothing and you weren’t going to give up your new-found confidence because of a small obstacle on your path.

“I worry a little about what I’ve created.” He chuckled before he exited the car, picked up your suitcase out of the trunk and walked towards the sturdy wooden entrance while you took one last deep breath, followed him closely and knocked on the door.

Silence. There was no sound coming from inside for about two minutes when you knocked again. Still, nobody answered.

“Hoseok hyung?” Jimin shouted, his voice echoing through the woods.

“I don’t think he’s –“ before you could finish your sentence, the door in front of you opened ever so slightly. Hoseok stood right in front of you, an intimidating aura surrounding him as he looked down on you through the crack.

“What is she doing here?” he glared at Jimin, who in return lightly pushed you forward, urging you to speak up.

“I…” you tried to find the right words, struggling as his eyes pierced right through you. “I need your help.”

“With what?” Hoseok continued looking back and forth between Jimin and you, “Haven’t I made it clear that I want nothing to do with you?”

“Hyung you are being too harsh; she’s done nothing to you.”

“Think whatever you want. I’m not taking part in the little pity party you and Yoongi hyung seem to be throwing for her.” He turned around and was about to close the door on you again, when that voice inside your head started yelling at you.

“I’m not leaving until you let me in.” You pressed your hands against the wood to keep it open, “I’m standing here, with the only belongings I have left, asking you to give me a fighting chance to survive out there.” Hoseok had a cold expression on his face as he looked you directly in the eyes and you noticed the resistance on the door weaken ever so slightly. “Please, Hoseok-ssi, I really need your help.” You pleaded, and no matter how much or why he resented you, something inside him prevented him from shutting you out completely.

“Fine.” He kept his scornful attitude towards you, but still let you and Jimin enter.

When you stepped inside, you observed two things.

There were guns everywhere and boxes full of ammunition piled up in the corners.

This was the home of someone that was haunted by loneliness.

The furniture was completely worn-down, it almost looked like you had entered a second-hand store, as you noticed the sink filled with unwashed dishes and a single mug on the kitchen counter. No pictures were hung up on the walls, no sweet mementos collected on shelves and you started to wonder if he had made any good memories in the years he had lived there, but you would have never dared to say those things out loud as he led you to his old leather couch.

“What do you need help with?” he asked as he slumped onto his armchair.

“Y/N needs to learn how to use a gun.” Jimin answered in your stead and quickly earned a threatening glare in return. “I asked her, didn’t I?”

“Jimin has taught me how to fight, but I have no idea how to shoot.” As terrifying as it was, you made sure to keep eye contact with Hoseok as you spoke. He was silent as he contemplated declining your request and you started feeling sweat collecting on your palms more and more with every painful second he waited to finally reply. “You know this can get extremely dangerous, right?”

“Yes,” you whispered, too afraid to tick him off. He said nothing for what felt like an eternity, brooding in his chair as he took your situation into consideration. “Okay then. You can stay here until your training is complete.”

You sighed in relief. You had overcome the first hurdle, but you knew this situation wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. “The second I feel like I’ve taught you everything I can or you mess up, you’re out.”

“Thank you, Hoseok-ssi.” You smiled at him and he kept a straight face, but you already knew it would take a while to get on his good side.

“There something else you need, Jimin-ah?” he looked expectantly at the man that was quietly sitting next to you the entire time.

“No, that would be all.” Jimin smirked proudly as he glanced over to you.

“Good, then go back to your place.” Hoseok stood up and walked over to the door, earning a confused look from both of you. “She is now under my supervision and I can’t have you slowing us down because you’re distracting her.”

Without putting up a fight, Jimin followed Hoseok to the door, but waited a second for you to catch up. “If you need anything, I’m just one phone call away.” He whispered as he took both of your hands in his. “And remember to keep that attitude. You are a very strong and independent woman, Y/N.”

“Thank you.” When you embraced Jimin one last time, tears started welling up in your eyes. Everything was going to be different from now on, and you were already longing for the kindness Jimin and Yoongi had shown you when you lived with them. But you needed this change of pace, you still had a long way to go before your growth was complete. When the two of you finally separated, you watched him walk away, before he drove off back into civilisation.

Once you stepped back inside, Hoseok closed the door behind you and walked towards his desk as he spoke. “There are a few ground rules here. Listen to what I say or you will get shot.” it didn’t seem to be much of a rule rather than a threat, “Don’t talk to me unless told otherwise.” You knew you would quickly break that one, “And for the love of fuck, don’t tell me about your problems. I don’t care.” He started rummaging through the drawers.

“Got it.” The words left your mouth quicker than you could think, because at this point you knew it’d be nothing more than an empty promise. “But I have to ask –“

“What did I just say about talking to me?” he picked up a handgun and turned around towards you.

“That I shouldn’t?” you reflexively held up your hands and hoped he wouldn’t make due on his promise to shoot you.

“Then why the hell are you already breaking that rule?”

“Because I want to know why you hate me.” You talked as fast as possible as you squinted your eyes.

“That’s none of your business.” Before you knew it, he was standing right in front of you and you carefully opened your eyes again as slowly put your hands down at the sight. The look on his face wasn’t that of a man that was about to kill you, he simply looked… sad. It was a look you hadn’t seen on him and it made him look like a lost child. His eyes gave away that he wanted to say something, but his stubborn mind wouldn’t let him. His momentary display of weakness passed in the blink of an eye as he placed the weapon into your hands.

“This is a standard M9 9mm pistol. They’re used by most armed forces, film and TV.” You were shocked by his methods. You knew nothing, yet he let you hold a real weapon without a warning. “Since you used to be a nurse, I’m sure you’ve treated many people with gunshot wounds and, if my guess is correct, almost all of them were 9mm.”

He wasn’t wrong. Whenever you had a shift at the ER you would see those same bullets being recovered from your patients’ wounds. “And you want me to use this thing?”

“God no.” he rolled his eyes at your question and replaced that very real gun with a surprisingly authentic, but lighter, imitation. “I’m not willing to get killed or treat your wounds because of your own stupidity. We’ll start with this replica.”

He quickly tugged the original one in the back of his pants and walked outside as you quietly followed him to a big open area behind his house. He left you standing on your own as he walked over to a wooden bench where he placed three empty beer cans on top, before he came back to you. “Now try to shoot the cans, show me what I’m working with here.”

You simply nodded and awkwardly held up the fake pistol with both hands, trying your best to aim at the targets. Quickly you noticed that it was much harder to shoot than it looked as you missed every single object. “This is gonna take a while.” Hoseok sighed and hung his head in disappointment as he was already getting annoyed by the entire situation.

“First, let’s talk about your pose. Place the foot of the firing side back and turn the supporting foot towards the target” He walked towards you and roughly placed a hand on the small of your back. “Stand up straight.” His digits pressed into you as he moved along your body and his breath on your neck sent shivers down your spine, before he stopped at your elbows. “Stretch out the strong arm and bend the supporting arm.” It was hard to concentrate on what he was saying with him standing so close it felt as if his musky scent was mocking you.

“I also noticed you close your eyes the second you pull the trigger. How do you think you could hit anything when you can’t see what you’re shooting at?” he took a step back from you, somehow leaving you feeling with a want for more. “This time, try to take a deep breath when you shoot.”

You did as he said, one deep breath as you pulled the trigger, hitting the bench just below your target. “Higher.” And again, you barely missed. “More to the left.” Bingo.

Your eyes widened as you started jumping up and down. “I did it!” you yelled in excitement.

“Next one.” Hoseok instructed, not impressed in the slightest by your accomplishment. As you repeated your actions, the only thing you heard from him were more commands like keep your position, aim lower, eyes on the target or stop wasting my time with stupid questions as you slowly but surely hit one can after another all by yourself. He made you repeat the process until your aim was steady, placing the objects back on the bench until not a single one of your shots missed. He never gave you a break and you continued shooting until the sun started setting. “That’s enough for today.” He said when the day had come to an end. “Tomorrow we’ll continue with a real gun.”

“You think I’m ready for that?” you asked as the two of you stepped back inside the desolate shack.

“You have to. I’m not wasting more time on you then I need to.” He walked towards the kitchen and started boiling water. Still, you couldn’t understand his hatred towards you. Was it something you said or done? Or did he really just see you as a threat to his family? Whatever it was, you didn’t dare to ask him as you sat down on the couch and looked at your phone. You had two missed calls from Yoongi and Jimin and multiple unread messages. At least someone cared about your well-being.

“You hungry?” you barely caught Hoseok’s words as you stared at your screen. “Oh, uhm… Yes, I am.” You quickly answered when you pressed a few buttons to see what the two men wanted from you.

12:04PM: Hey, Y/N! :)

12:04PM: Just checking in to see how things are going with hyung.

12:10PM: …

12:15PM: I’m taking the silence as everything going alright.

1:21PM: Yoongi hyung is already acting differently. – –

1:21PM: Please come back quick, he’s unbearable without you. TT

1:22PM: Stay safe!

You smiled when you noticed he had written you merely an hour after he had left and you hurriedly replied.

6:37PM: Everything’s fine Jimin-ah!

6:37PM: Hoseok-ssi is making dinner now.

6:37PM: He still doesn’t seem to like me much though.

6:38PM: I’ll see what I can do about Yoongi. ^^

6:38PM: Make sure to be careful too!

And with that, you continued to the other messages you had received from Yoongi that were much shorter and indirect about his true motive, just like him.

3:42PM: Yo, it’s Yoongi.

3:42PM: Just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget anything.

4:11PM: There’s this shirt that looks like it could be yours.

4:56PM: Want me to bring it over?

You started beaming and as you were about to message him back you heard Hoseok yell “Tell your guard dogs to stop harassing me already.”

6:39PM: Hoseok-ssi says to lay off his back. ^^

6:39PM: Pretty sure I took everything with me. Are you sure it’s not yours? ㅋㅋ

6:40PM: Thank you for looking out for me, though. We’re doing fine.

6:40PM: Have you eaten yet?

After a few minutes and no replies from either of them, Hoseok came back with two bowls of instant ramen and two pairs of chopsticks.

“Here.” He placed the meal on the coffee table in front of you, before he sat down in his chair and started eating the steaming hot dish in silence. You didn’t dare picking up a conversation with him, wondering if he would ever be in the mood to talk to you normally, and were thankful he was nice enough to prepare food for you as you carefully chowed it down.

Once Hoseok had finished his bowl, he placed it in the sink with the other unwashed dishes, grabbed a bag, his mask and a jacket and walked straight towards the door. “I’m heading out for the night. Take the bed or the couch – I don’t care – just don’t touch any of my stuff. I’ll see you for your training in the morning.” Without waiting for a response, he left you to yourself in the eerily quiet cabin he called home.

When you had slurped down the last bit of broth you stood up and walked to the kitchen, thinking about what you could do with the rest of your day. It was still rather early and the shooting practice didn’t nearly take as much out of you as training with Jimin, so going to bed was not an option. You looked around, seeing the mountain of dirty dishes that had been sitting in the sink for what you assumed months and got to work. He had let you live with him for reasons unknown and you wanted to repay his kindness in some way, cleaning up for him was the least you could do.

Half an hour later, the sink was finally freed up and the tableware had found their places in the respective cupboards once again. When you checked your phone and noticed it hadn’t even been eight, you got started on sweeping the floor. When in Rome, right? But even after you had finished your next task, you were bored out of your mind and felt the energy in your body still going strong. Your day was certainly missing the exercise you had gotten at the warehouse.

Eventually, you decided to step into the lion’s den and quickly glanced over the mess that was his bedroom. Unwashed clothes were lying on the floor or had found a place on a chair that was standing in one of the corners and against better judgement, you chose to clean everything up. Within about ten minutes, the ground was free once again and when you were about to take the pile to the washing machine, something small and shiny fell out of the pocket of one of his pants.

Under further inspection, you noticed a necklace with a golden rectangular locket attached to it, contemplating if you should open it but quickly deciding to let it be. After all, he did tell you to not touch any of his belongings. You carefully put it on his nightstand and banished any thoughts of it from your mind.

When his home looked once again like someone had actually been living there, you felt exhaustion finally setting in. You decided to take a shower and made yourself comfortable on the leather couch with a blanket you had found while cleaning up. After a few hours of tossing and turning you still couldn’t sleep, your mind occupied with the mysterious locket. You shouldn’t have even known about its existence, but you could no longer fight your curiosity and quickly stood back up.

There was this strong sensation in your heart that told you finding out whatever was inside it would help you get a step closer to Hoseok opening up to you. As you stood in his room, the necklace in hand and a lingering feeling of guilt in the back of your head, you carefully separated the two pieces. On the left side was a picture of a frail-looking woman, presumably in her mid-twenties, holding a toddler in her arms. You didn’t know why, but you somehow had the feeling you had seen that boy before. Obviously, he grew up to become Hoseok, but you were sure there was more to it that you didn’t quite understand.

You noticed there was a small, skilfully folded, note stuck into the right piece and cautiously took it out before reading the few words that were neatly written on the old piece of paper.

I will always love you, Hoseok-ah.

-          Mom

Your heart felt heavy and you had a lump in your throat, thinking about how Hoseok must have led his life. Was that woman still alive? After a minute of being deep in thought, you heard a car drive up to the cabin. You quickly put the note back in its place and the necklace in the drawer of the nightstand, before crawling into Hoseok’s bed and pretended to sleep, with just enough time to catch your breath.

The door to the bedroom flung open with a loud thud as Hoseok stepped inside with a hand pressed tightly against his thigh. Not caring about you he looked around for a second, confused why his room looked much neater than before, limped towards his closet where he grabbed a plastic container and walked out again.

Your heart was racing. Was he mad? You barely caught a glimpse at his pale face, but something was definitely wrong. As quietly as possible, you got out of bed again and snuck towards the door, creaking it open just an enough to peek through.

You saw Hoseok taking the box to the old kitchen island you had spent a good while cleaning as he sat down on the chair in front of it. He was rummaging through the box and pulled out scissors, tweezers and gauze, which could only mean one thing. He began cutting through the leg of his pants, pulled out his belt and put it in his mouth before moving the tweezers closer to his bare thigh. It was when he started groaning in pain as his shaky hands moved the metal object around in the open wound you could no longer sit back and watch. “Uhm… Hoseok-ssi?”

He flinched as he suddenly heard your voice and accidentally jerked the hand with the tweezers. He let out a loud Fuck as he pounded his fist on the counter, squeezing his eyes shut in agony, before he turned around and glared at you, filled with rage. “What do you want?” he hissed through his teeth, still biting down on his black leather belt.

“Please, let me help you.” You slowly approached him, as if he was a wild animal you were trying to tame.

“I’ve got it.” He turned away from you and continued trying to patch himself back up. It pained you to watch him hurt himself and you hated not being able to do anything about it. Another minute passed as he finally got a hold of the bullet in his thigh, his whole body shaking as cold sweat started collecting on his forehead. He tried to pick up a needle and had a hard time threading it when you finally had enough.

You walked over to him, and took the two items out of his hands, but this time he didn’t put up a fight. It was then when you saw how bad the injury really was. You glanced at the fabric of his pants, drenched in blood and the wound he had opened up further with his unsteady movements. As you carefully stitched him together, hoping the wound won’t get infected, he let out groans and took in sharp breaths. Once everything was bandaged, you could see the colour coming back to his face and you gave him a caring smile.

“Thanks.” He said with a cold face as he stood up and limped over to his room, leaving you standing by yourself.

Instead of finally getting some rest, you put everything back in the box, turned the kettle on and walked over to the fireplace, where you kneeled down as you tried to get it going. You couldn’t have slept after all of that. Finding out about a little piece of Hoseok’s past and wondering who had shot him, your mind was all over the place.

“What are you doing?” Hoseok came out of his room as he put on a fresh sweatshirt and for just a second, you got a glimpse at his toned and scarred upper body.

“I just thought it was a little cold, but I don’t really know how to work this thing.” You sighed as you stood up and watched him walk over. While he was busying himself with the fireplace, you headed back to the kitchen and made yourself an herbal tea when he asked for a beer, which you gladly took out of the fridge and handed it to him as you sat back down on the couch, holding the steaming mug with both of your hands. The cosy fire he got going changed the entire mood of the place as the crackling warmth took over the silence. To your surprise, he sat down in his armchair and he looked… different from his usually brooding – somewhat threatening – personality. He looked vulnerable and simply tired.

“You want to know why I dislike you?” Taken aback by him breaking the silence, you kept quiet and nodded.

“You probably don’t remember this,” he sighed as he stared into the fire with a blank expression, “but we’ve met before.”

“We have?” you furrowed your brows, trying to figure out what he had meant.

“It was a long time ago.” He took a minute as he thought back to the moment the two of you had met, “I was about nine, homeless and rummaging through garbage in an alley behind a restaurant, when two girls walked past me.” Your eyes widened and you knew exactly where the story was headed as you were taken back to that day when you saw a poor boy scavenging for food in a dumpster.

You remembered spending the day with a girl you hadn’t known very long and on your way back home your fateful encounter with Hoseok occurred, not knowing it would change your lives forever. You remembered the girl stopping in her tracks when she laid eyes on the young boy, only to walk over and yell tactless things at him. She told him how disgusting he was, kicked his shin and spat on his face as he was cowering on the ground in tears, all the while you let the scene play out in front of you. Helplessly you stood there, unsure what to say or do as you looked at the boy’s face. You thought you would never forget him, the sight of his pleading eyes staring right at you, but you did.

“I’m so sorry Hoseok-ssi.” Nothing but a mere whisper escaped your lips as you stood up from your seat and walked over to him, took his hand in yours and looked at him with tears welling up in your eyes.

“Don’t be.” He paused and took a sip from his beer before he looked at you, his expression a mixture between anger and sorrow. “I don’t need your apology anymore. I’ve hated you for a long time, because you were weak. I saw the horror in your eyes as you decided to not stand up against a bully. You knew right from wrong, but chose the easy way out.” A dulled beeping sound was interrupting the sombre atmosphere, but you had no idea where it came from. With a blank expression, he pulled his hand away from you and stood up, before he walked away from you towards his desk. “But you’re no longer the same you were back then and neither am I.”

He picked up the gun he had shown you earlier and quickly made sure the safety was on before he finished his beer with one long swig, came back and placed the weapon in your hands with a serious expression on his face. “Which is why we’re getting out of here together. Now.”

“What’s going on?” you looked at him in confusion.

“Those fuckers followed me.” He darted past you, as fast as he could with his injured leg, to put on his mask and flung the same bag he had carried earlier over his shoulder. “Get down and stay close to me.” He started crouching as he walked to his bedroom and you followed his lead. The two of you made your way to the window, where he quickly glanced outside to check for enemies, before he quietly opened it and crawled out. Without a word, he produced another pistol from his bag and motioned for you to continue on.

Instead of leading you to his car, you snuck further into the woods. “Why are we going this way?” you whispered, trying to keep your voice as low as possible.

“I have an escape vehicle hidden here.” He hissed as he kept crouching. “Now’s not the time to ask questions.” You nodded, even though you were unsure if he was able to see it in the dark as you quietly followed him further in.

Five minutes of silence and you were at a small clearing. You could already see the car as your heartbeat slowed down again. You never saw anyone around and you also didn’t see the man behind you, holding his gun up in your direction. Bang

The gunshot echoed through the forest and the sound of birds fluttering their wings as they scattered through the night. You looked around and saw Hoseok’s distorted face as he held up the smoking pistol in the direction of the man that was now lying on the ground. You crawled towards Hoseok as you noticed him clutching his chest. “Shit, Hoseok-ssi!” the blood was glistening in the moonlight as it quickly covered your hands while you pressed them against the wound. “Please… Please stay with me.” Tears filled your eyes as you pleaded, but he didn’t respond.

You felt his chest rise weakly, there was still life in him, but you knew there wasn’t much time. Hurriedly, you tucked the pistol in your pants and started dragging him towards the vehicle, letting out a relieved sigh every time you heard small moans and groans coming from him. Once you had made it to the car, you started looking through Hoseok’s pockets, desperately trying to find the keys when you heard slow footsteps dragging on the ground.

You turned around, your attacker was still standing, one hand on his lower abdomen and a gun in the other, when your instincts kicked in. Never did you think you would have to kill a man, but the need to protect your friend’s life and your own changed everything. In one swift motion you pulled out the gun you had carried and took a deep breath as you pulled the trigger. The world around you started slowing down as you aimed for his heart, watching the stranger’s fingers mimicking your own.

A piercing pain was rushing through your upper arm as the man fell to his knees. His eyes wide open as the blood seeped through his shirt. A deep rage overtook you and the tears were running down your cheeks as you shot him again and again. You took out every bit of anger that had built up since the day your father died. Every gang you had crossed, every injury you had endured and every last bit of the emotional damage this journey had caused you let out while you continuously shot the man, screaming and crying until the very last bullet was fired. You were breathing heavily as you stood there for a second, taking in what just happened.

Quickly you wiped away the tears with your sleeve and picked up the keys, before you carefully hoisted Hoseok in the back and started driving off into the night. His breathing was flat, but at least he’s still alive you repeated over and over to ease your troubled mind. Your hands were shaking as you dialled the number of the only person you wanted to talk to.

“Hey, Y/N. What’s up?” Yoongi answered his phone casually.

“Hoseok-ssi… I… Yoongi…” you stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence as you raced through the woods, trying to find an exit to get back to the city.

“Calm down, Y/N. Take a deep breath.” Yoongi’s voice was concerned and you heard rustling noises coming from his end.

“Hoseok-ssi… he’s been shot.” You cried as you put him on speaker and kept your eyes on the empty road.

“What?” he yelled and you heard the sound of an engine being started. “Where are you?”

“I-I don’t know…” you looked around for any clues, but you only saw trees. “I’m trying to get to the practice.”

“I’m on my way. I will call you right back, I just have to inform the others.”

“Please hurry…” you whispered and after a moment of silence, he hung up.

After a few minutes, you had finally found your way out, but you were still driving through fields. Nothing seemed familiar, everything looked the same, but you still continued on, determined to get to your destination at all cost. When you had finally made it to the country road, your phone started ringing. Without checking the caller ID, you picked up and to your surprise it wasn’t Yoongi that had called.

“Y/N?” Namjoon said with genuine concern as he spoke. “It’s going to be all right. We’re on our way.”

“I-I don’t know where the fuck I am, Namjoon.” You started yelling, too agitated to think clearly. “There’s fields everywhere, Hoseok-ssi is dying, I can’t see any lights from the city, I –“

“Breathe, Y/N.” his calm tone cut you off. “You are not alone. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“How am I supposed to stay calm? This is too much, I can’t do it, Namjoon.”

“Yes, you can. You are strong, Y/N. Just keep driving and you will get to us. Everything will be fine.” You didn’t know why, but for some reason you believed him. You believed that you could make it back on your own, you believed that Hoseok would pull through and you believed that Namjoon was right there with you. Or at least, you really wanted to.

Twenty minutes later, the fields started dying down and Namjoon was still on the other end of the call keeping you level-headed. You were terrified, but the tears finally died down when you suddenly noticed the big city appearing in front of you. “I’m here!” you screamed, relief taking over as you noticed your body relax and your grip on the steering wheel loosen just a little bit.

“We’ve got everything ready for the two of you.” He let out a sigh. After ten more minutes of speeding through the streets, you had made it towards the practice, where Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon were already waiting outside of the building. You hurriedly pulled up the car and as it barely had stopped, Jimin opened the back door where Yoongi and him pulled out an unconscious Hoseok. 

As you jumped out of the vehicle, Namjoon was already waiting for you as he pulled you into a tight embrace. “I knew you would make it.” For just a second, you forgot about everything as you felt the comfort of his arms wrapped around you. All of your worries were washed away with just a single touch, but the moment didn’t last long as Yoongi shouted your name. The two of you quickly separated and you ran after them and the thought of Hoseok dying was back on your mind. You had no intention of giving up on him now, your determination as strong as ever as the five of you ascended in the elevator to the practice, where he was swiftly placed on a stretcher and wheeled into the infirmary.

You put on a fresh pair of gloves before you grabbed a stethoscope to check for a heartbeat, which was getting slower and slower by the second. You also noticed the breathing dying down fast, so you picked up a laryngoscope to find his vocal chords and inserted a flexible plastic tube into his throat. “You have to help him breathe, press this approximately every six seconds.” You attached the bag to the tube and handed it over to Jimin, who was equally as terrified as he was fascinated by you, and he immediately obeyed.

You took the clean pair of scissors off the table and started cutting Hoseok’s shirt open, trying to find the wound through all of the blood. After a second of searching, you noticed it was on the right side of his chest and used a patch of gauze to wipe some of the red fluid away. With the spotless tweezers and steady hands, you carefully started removing one bullet fragment after another, letting out a sigh when you noticed they hadn’t penetrated deep enough to damage his lungs. After you cleaned out the rest of his wound and neatly sewn it shut, you bandaged him up and sat down, waiting for the smallest sign of recovery.

A minute passed. Two minutes passed. It wasn’t looking good for him. Everyone had gathered around in anticipation and when the next minute had begun, you concentrated heavily on his chest as it suddenly started rising and falling just a little bit stronger. Your head fell into your hands at the sight as tears were once again running down your cheeks, you couldn’t believe he was still pulling through somehow. “We’re all proud of you, Y/N.” Namjoon squatted in front of you as he grabbed both of your hands and held on to them tightly, looking at you with a reassuring smirk on his face.

“I-I’m just s-so happy he’s alive.” You sobbed, finally letting all the events of the night settling in.

“And it’s all thanks to you.” Yoongi placed a hand on the small of your back as he spoke to you in a soothing tone.

“How long to I have to keep going?” Jimin asked nervously and you realised you had completely forgotten about him. “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” You jumped up and tumbled back one step, almost falling over. “We just have to hook him up on the machine.”

“Relax a bit, we’ve got this.” Namjoon slowly pushed you back down with a caring smile as Yoongi quickly performed the action, relieving Jimin of his duties.

“You should lie down, dear.” Seokjin looked at you with a concerned expression and you didn’t hesitate to follow his suggestion. You quietly wandered to the patient’s room and sat down on the bed, not having a care in the world, as the exhaustion knocked you out right away. Nobody dared to speak to you, nobody dared to ask what happened, but they all worried about your well-being as they let you sleep off those past eventful hours.

[supersugatrash]

D (W!FTWBTS) , S, and T :))

jeonggukstop said:Oh also F lol whoops (I have a feeling I know which one it is haha)

Let’s see how well you actually know me. :’)

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with W!FTWBTS?

I’ve never actually thought about it too much, since I don’t really listen to music other than those smooth/morning jazz compilations on YT while writing, but I’m gonna list a couple of songs that would work well with it. Pretty much any BTS song could work, so other than Dope I will leave them out. Some of these will not make sense right now, but (seeing as i probably won’t get this question again) I’ve added them anyways. There are/will be scenes when I think of these songs, even if it’s just snippets that fit. Also in no particular order.

BTS - Dope (duh)

Blue October - The Feel Again (Stay)

Blue October - Jump Rope

First Aid Kit - Silver Lining

Shawn Lee’s Ping Pong Orchestra - Kiss the Sky

James Blake - Retrograde

The Coral - Put the Sun Back

Stefanie Heinzmann - In The End

And probably more, but I’m kind of stuck right now so these should suffice.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Shy Kook. Dunno why, it’s just fun messing with him; 4D Tae. I started using him to break the 4th wall and now I can’t stop; Vulgar Yoongi. Because same; Sunshine Hoseok. We all need a little light in our lives and his bubbly side is actually quite fun to write; Big Mama Jin. It’s just a great trait to have, so I put the focus on that one most of the time when writing him. These are just a few you’ll usually see in my fics. This post is already long enough, don’t need to add more.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

Writing Yoongi as lazy. Can you blame him for wanting to rather stay in bed instead of running around all day after he’s been composing, writing and producing songs pretty much 24/7? I wish I was half as productive as that guy; Making Jin bland as fuck. My god, he’s anything but bland. He’s sassy, he’s caring, (he’s worldwide handsome ffs), he’s a foodie, he’s charming af, a great actor, singer AND DANCER. And those are just a few to choose from.

You see, I have a lot of things to say. If you’ve got the time, I could easily write you a 20k essay on it.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

1. Do you now? 2. Thanks for making me look over all those god damn finished fics and WIPs to find the one I like the most. Definitely didn’t take me forever. (Taken from “I love you.” “I love me too.”)

“So,” he cleared his throat and threw his leather jacket over his shoulder, “same time next week?”

“Good night, Namjoon.” Both of you knew the answer already, it’s been the same way ever since you started seeing each other. But for some reason, you never managed to simply say yes. He walked past you and with one last gaze, it was as if there had never been an us.

It’s weird, even though I use tons of dialogue in my stories, I actually prefer the words that have been left unsaid. That’s why I’m somewhat proud of this drabble, because this was the first time I’ve managed to convey a dialogue that was never meant to be.

Send me a letter!

[supersugatrash]

.

[supersugatrash]

whiplashedtaetae reblogged your post:Welcome. First Time with BTS?

i love this

And I love youuuuuu 💕💕💕💕💕💕

[supersugatrash]

harajukughoul replied to your post: Welcome. First time with BTS?

LOVE THIS. 💜✨

And I love you! ^_^ Thank you so much for reading my story!

[supersugatrash]

Annyeong! It’s time to get back on track. I’ve started working on some stories, but I need your help! 

I’ve created a poll on my Twitter, where you can vote on what you’d like me to come back with. Your options are WFTWBTS pt.15 (Gang!AU; Namjoon x MC/Yoongi x MC) ; I Am You, You Are Me pt.2 (Body switch!AU; Namjoon x MC) or Those Who Own The Night (Working Title: Three Mistakes) Prologue (Vampire!AU; Hoseok x MC).

Regardless of which one wins, all three will be posted in the near future. This is just to figure out priority and getting you guys involved in the process! (and to shamelessly plug my Twitter account again)

Thank you to everyone participating, it always means a lot to me! Hope I’ll see you with some original content again very soon. Take care

[supersugatrash]

Let’s do this.

Alright you guys, I’ve got a can of energy and a cup of coffee in front of me. Let’s continue WFTWBTS.╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑

Sorry for the delay, I’ll make sure to get the next part up as soon as possible and write some more so this won’t happen again in the future. (Ｔ▽Ｔ)