#what are you doing to me seunghun

[mgnifique-tion]

— human reaction.

summary || ``you’re starting to wonder if attending work after your day-off was a mistake.``

pairing: 2012!loki x gn!scientist!reader song recommendations: tesseract - cix (p.s. check out seunghun on build-up rn!) lowercase is intended… part: 1/?

— themes and warning/s: open-ended, enemies to potential lovers (for sure, they will be lovers soon), NOT a stand-alone one shot ;) wink wink, bossy loki, y/n being somewhat a dumb human being (heroism)

— a/n: hi! back with another loki au this march and guys, this is not a phase– IT’S NOT A PHASE, MOM! (corny? i graduated with that course in the university of the cornyology – i’m not even done with g12 lmfao wtf am i saying) anywho, i miss him. i literally rewatched the avengers for him and i'm not even active w the mcu anymore. i actually have a lot of other pending drafts from my main acc (@mgnifiqueyoo - follow me there :3) and so many unfinished IMPORTANT work from real life but like i thought of a line and now, i just HAVE to write it or it's outta my head so here u go. lmao. enjoy!

[ total words: 1.9k ]

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“... oh my god.”

that was all you could mutter under your breath the moment you saw the rest of your co-workers controlled by that thing the alien held in his palm. you didn’t show up to work yesterday since you were just taking the final steps in finishing that project of yours.

what was the project? the hypercryogenic station.

and now, after a long day of ignoring your texts and calls, you ended up going to work, which happened to be a terrible idea. better yet, a horrible mistake. “... excuse me?” you took small steps, nearing the towering male as he just stood still, not facing you. all of your friends were doing his commands without any questions and you knew that clint barton would never do any of this!

but he did anyway. and you had to know why.

“what did you do with them?” you asked, demanding for answers as you heard him let out an almost inaudible chuckle only to be followed by a deep, low snicker. the alien slowly turned around and looked you straight in the eye, sweat pouring down his face with a sharp glare while his teeth ground against each other.

he was just terrifying, how else could you leave the facility without getting killed?

“oh, is that supposed to matter?” the alien mocked, later glancing at the staff he held before looking back at you, his smirk disappearing little by little. “... you must be horrified, aren’t you?”

of course you were, who wouldn’t be horrified when they see something like this? 

but before he could even get closer to you, he suddenly stumbled. that wasn’t something you expected since you assumed that he was a powerful being out of this world after seeing that wardrobe choice but he showed… weakness? it’s hard not to take note of it for future purposes.

you then cleared your throat and asked, “are you okay?”

but he said nothing in return, tense and trembling with every step. he had a maniacal look on his face as if he couldn’t control his actions; he seemed like he was enduring something that was hurting him inside.

and that got you thinking what else was happening with the man in front of you. “so, that’s a no?” 

“you’re the expert,” he said, “you’re the one blessed with knowledge over what it is that’s happening to me now.”

you frowned. you definitely had no idea what was going on with him and you were planning on leaving him to himself when he surprisingly grabbed your wrist. “heal me,” he pleaded, breathing in and out rapidly as you felt the burning heat that surrounded his palm, which led to that moment of realization.

“i… i don’t know how–,” you were then cut-off by him tilting his head to the project: the hypercryogenic station. if you ever had a scanner around you, his heat signature would be all over the place because of how high his temperature was. “but the station hasn’t even been tested yet and it could be dangerous for you and for all of us!”

the alien shook his head frantically, not letting any excuses get into his way. “if you don’t help me right now…” his breath hitched as the tip of the scepter was pointed at your chest, right at your heart. “you won’t be living for long.”

and that made you take so many steps, assisting him in the station as you closed the door. “you can’t be in there for more than a minute, it’s highly dangerous and i’m telling you, we haven’t done any tests yet–”

“just begin with the process.” his voice had gotten lower, hoarser with every moment that passed as you felt your heart race quicker. you knew that if you made a mistake, somebody like barton would kill you; there was no way out.

so the gears started running and you watched how the glass windows of the station had fogged up. your life’s work was being used by an unknown entity who took over the minds of your co-workers. your friends.

you couldn’t help but cry silently, biting your nails while you stood a meter away from the finished project. how could a five-year plan get wasted? to this unreadable, tyrannic humanoid? you can’t even breathe well.

and once the process was done, the station’s doors slid apart, creating a path for the man inside. when he stepped out of it, he didn’t even seem affected by it. all normal and human-like as if he had only bathed himself in some snow and not in an actual blizzard.

but colder than his skin was his gaze toward you, the scepter staring back at you as well, watching the way you took a few steps away from him.

“who are you?” you asked, your eyes glued to the scepter rather than his face, which caused him to get agitated.

in return, the tip of the scepter’s blade touched your chin, tilting your head up so that you could look at him. “i am loki of asgard,” he introduced with a deranged grin as you heard the way his breath hitched, overwhelmed and proud with how he spoke to you. 

that was enough to make you take another step back but his hand grabbed your arm like a lock, fastened so tightly that it made everything worse for you. “what did you do with them?” you tilted your head to the blue-eyed agents now circling the entire room, which made loki laugh.

he truly was out of his mind. 

“i simply used them for a greater purpose,” he said back, letting out another chuckle as the scepter gleamed in response. it was in his complete control… they were all under his control.

how in the world can you run from this?

“let them go.” “oh, we’re getting heroic now, aren’t we?”

he mocked you shamelessly as if it wasn’t your invention that saved him from his visible misery – whatever it was that hurt him earlier.

“... well, i did save you.” you just had to let a bit of sass come out because it was true. however, loki didn’t seem to be fond of that and had read that as entitlement rather than a reminder of who did save him.

nonetheless, he lowered his weapon and laughed once more. “your little saving was merely necessary, mortal. i could’ve used that machine myself.” of course, he disregarded that tiny, little favour you did for him and decided that it’d be best to not even give out a little thank you.

but then, again, what do you expect from an aspiring alien tyrant?

“but you couldn’t because i programmed it for my access only,” you continued the conversation, stating the truth right in front of him. that was your life’s work… you still couldn't believe that it was firstly used by some tall man with a scepter and emerald drapes. “besides, that thing you used wouldn't be here if it weren't for me.”

there was long silence once again… perhaps, even longer than moments of silence you had earlier when your eyes scanned over the rest of the place.

almost the entirety of the facility was led by loki. horrifyingly brainwashed by that scepter.

“fair enough,” he admitted, “but you wouldn’t be breathing if i hadn’t given you the chance.”

“... do you want me to thank you? for this?” “giving thanks means nothing. i need something much more than that.”

you crossed your arms, gulping as you still tried to make yourself seem as if you had the upper hand. an imaginary upper hand, perhaps? although you had put on that mask, loki knew you were afraid of what he could do to you. 

if this is only a preview of the damage he’s capable of causing, just how could you survive while being opposed to him?

“i could…” he trailed off, smirking to himself as he circled the station, his palm touching its painted and carved surface while the scepter glowed in his other hand. “hm… i could do the same to you. put your talent to use like the others.”

and you readied yourself, closing your eyes as your once crossed arms dropped to your sides, hopeless and left without a sign of help. “but you have not attacked me once,” he said with a tone of interest, diverting his attention from the opportunity of just controlling you like a mindless servant and rather feeling positive about a different, riskier path. “and you’ve saved me. willingly. no control needed.”

he walked towards you, breathing heavily and letting out a low chuckle. “do you know what gift you have, dr. l/n?” he questioned, expecting you to know the answer as he tilted your head upwards again with the end of the scepter. one wrong push and you could bleed to death; he was being careful with you still.

after all, you were a great addition to his plans.

“humanity, l/n.” he proudly stated, now lowering his weapon as your heart raced. never did you fear death until now, especially when your life would fade to grey without the knowledge of what’ll happen next. to the world and the people around you. “you’ve got so much humanity in you that your best choice was to save a dying god. it’s foolish, l/n. how could you be so brilliant but foolish?–”

“are you done?” you had enough of it, still staring at one corner as you saw how your friend’s eyes still gleamed in blue, manipulated by the god standing right in front of you while the remaining lights of the facility shone over his prepped quiver, ready to attack whenever, however.

and of course, the god of mischief was indeed offended by that. “... you’re so brave, it’s idiotic.” he laughed, shaking his head as if you both had been joking with one another and you felt the heat rush up your head; you didn’t want this. you just wanted your friends to be set free – your world to be set free from this being. 

“what do you desire in return?” “for you to stop whatever you’re planning here, my lord.”

even though loki knew you were being sarcastic, he just admired the way it rolled off your tongue. “you do know that does not equate to what you’ve done for me and you might want to do something more for me if you’d want that to happen,” he said, denying your request with a snicker. “but of course, i still appreciated your service earlier so how about i offer you something else?”

he’s cheating, you thought.

“in exchange of your little saving, it’ll be guaranteed that not one of us would lay a finger on you…” he paused, hiding the scepter behind his back as you tilted your head to the side. were you even hearing this correctly? that was too low. “and you would be shielded from any harm as well.”

but can you do anything about it? no. “is that good enough for you, my little savior?”

you had to think about it for longer than a second. why only a second, you may ask? well, does it look like you still have enough time to decide perfectly? the world is at stake; you had to give an answer now or worse destruction could happen.

“fine,” you uttered, firmly extending your hand towards him as he only stared back at your empty, shaking palm. “i’ll do whatever it takes to free this world from you.”

“that’s laughable.” “we’ll see, your majesty.”

[yunhohours]

CIX: Top 5 Kinks

request: could i request cix kinks? 🤪

p.s. the kinks are not necessarily in order

p.p.s. can we get a round of applause for me for not giving every cix member a pet play kink thank u

byounggon

overstimulation (receiving) - he will whine the entire time but he wants you to keep touching him until he’s shaking and crying. he needs that fairly regularly. bonus points because he gets the best sleep of his life afterwards.

praise - this one goes both ways. he needs to know he’s doing a good job and he’s gonna tell you how good of a job you’re doing even if it’s barely intelligible and peppered with breathy moans! he gets so kittenlike under your praise it’s so cute </3

somnophilia - loves to be woken up inside you whether it’s your mouth or your cunt. he’s so sensitive it feels so good!! :( he won’t be the one to wake you or do any of the work for that matter, but he will be the best and prettiest pillow prince for you.

face sitting - smother him. he’ll let you. he’ll ask for it. his eyes are rolling into the back of his head even though his eyes are closed because my god, he must be the luckiest person in the world to have his tongue deep inside you while you hold onto his hair for dear life. lovessss how messy he gets.

handjobs - there’s just something special about a good ol’ handjob for gon. it’s like all the times he fucked his own fist and tried to imagine your hand instead except now it’s real. he also likes how easily you can give him one. one slip of your hand down his boxers and it’s game on.

seunghun

mutual masturbation - seunghun is no stranger to his own fist. they’re best friends. so, naturally, he loves to get himself off while watching you pleasure yourself for his view. it’s the prettiest thing he can imagine. he loves to instruct you on how to touch yourself for him. his ego loves when you listen.

dumbification - ohhh my god when you’re head empty only seunghun? his life goal. he gets so fucking cocky and can’t wipe the smirk off of his face when your words start failing you because he’s making you feel so good and he just has to rub it in. aww, can’t talk to me? no lights on in that little head anymore?

marking - seunghun is possessive. we all know that. does not want you to look at another man, does not want another man to look at you. but if other men must look at you, he’d like to leave behind some reminders on your skin that you’re his. and he likes to wear yours too. bonus points because every time he sees them, he’s reminded of exactly how they were made.

filming - similarly to what i mentioned with mutual masturbation, seunghun likes to be your director. he’ll film you, telling you to do this and pose like that for the camera. he likes making a creative little memory of your time between the sheets together. he will make you watch them with him whenever the urge strikes.

make up sex - seunghun likes to prove himself. there’s no better time to do that than when he’s got some ground to make up with you. sex after a fight ignites a special kind of ambition within him that he can’t quite channel otherwise. it’s always the most spectacular sex that feels more like a wet dream because irl sex has never been that good. ever.

yonghee

edging - yonghee is so mean in the sweetest way possible. he will coo at you and lay the thickest fake pity on you while he keeps bringing you just to the brink of orgasm, letting it die, and then starting again. he’ll be disgustingly sweet about it at the same time, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face and telling you how pretty you look for him and how well you’re doing.

phone sex - yonghee enjoys making you squirm and the fact that he can accomplish that just with his voice is… <3 he doesn’t usually engage in it planning to find his own pleasure, but sometimes he can’t help himself when he hears how breathy your voice gets or your little whines on the other end of the phone.

pet play - oh, you are yonghee’s kitten. he will not be shy to fully indulge. you’ll have kitten ears, a collar, a tail. he’ll scratch your head and call you to his lap. when he senses that you’re needy, he’ll refer to it as purring. what’s that? are you purring for me, kitten?

thigh riding - yonghee wants to take care of you okay :( sometimes it may not be the most feasible to take your clothes off or do anything that requires too much time or effort. in those times, he’ll help you get off on his thigh to hold you over. he won’t even be mean about it. he’ll guide you with his hands so you don’t have to do anything but feel good for him. he also very much loves watching how you only need his thigh to fall apart so he will still sometimes do this even if you have plenty ability to do more

finger sucking/fucking - just consider this the category for all things involving yonghee’s fingers. he loves to finger you because he can usually do so any time anywhere and just watch your face morph from the pleasure he’s giving you. he likes how obediently you suck on his fingers and he’ll sometimes stop you from talking/disagreeing with him by filling your mouth with a finger. shh shh shh, open.

jinyoung

oral sex (giving) - jinyoung loves going down on you because he can get lost in it. he easily learns how you react to even the most minor stimulation and he gets a bit competitive with himself about it. sometimes he wants to make you cum faster than last time, sometimes he wants to see if he can make you louder this time.

cockwarming - he wouldn’t like this idea initially upon learning about it, but when he thinks about how he can use it to drive you crazy… he loves it. he has a surprising amount of patience so he’ll sit you on his cock and wait for you to start squirming and begging him for more. then he’ll act like you’re just so incredibly needy, tsking at you as he gives you what you both want.

hair pulling (receiving) - he’d probably never be able to put into words why he loves it when you pull his hair, but he does. to the point that when you pull his hair, his eyes will sometimes roll into the back of his head. he has to recenter himself every time because it’s like he gets pulled out of his own body.

morning sex - jinyoung can get in his own head more often than he’d like and sometimes that can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on sex for him. morning sex is good for him because he’s usually still too foggy to overthink. he’s able to operate instinctively and starting the day with good sex will leave him in a more positive headspace for the rest of the day.

restraints (receiving) - similarly to the last one, being restrained forces jinyoung to let go. if he can’t see or touch you, he can’t place much pressure on himself. additionally, he gets very excited and sensitive to even the smallest of touches when you’re calling all the shots. give him head while he’s cuffed and blindfolded and you’ll never be able to think about anything else.

hyunsuk

quickies - hyunsuk loves quickies for a few reasons: 1) he usually gets to fuck the soul out of you for the sake of time and 2) they sometimes happen in places you two should probably not be fucking in the first place.

creampie - letting hyunsuk cum inside you is like telling him he won the lottery. he will never get used to the feeling of releasing inside you and then watching himself drip from you when he pulls out. his eyes will be transfixed on the sight.

choking - choking or being choked—hyunsuk likes both. he would neeever suggest or attempt to choke you on his own, but if he knew it was something you liked, he’d try it and find that he likes it too. but choke him back. you’ll be able to tell by his eyes and the surprised moan that he loves it.

jealous sex - this one has stipulations but if everything comes together just right, hyunsuk fucking loves jealous sex. for one, the jealousy has to be resolved. if he feels like you’re still making him insecure, this won’t happen. he needs to know there is no actual threat or problem. second, he will not admit that he likes this. but boooooy does he give you the fuck of your life every time! it’s very similar to seunghun and make up sex.

dirty talk - listen, he’d be so shy about this at first. he would not feel confident at all talking dirty to you, but he would know that every time you said something filthy to him, he had to try like hell not to cum right then and there. with time, he’d experiment with doing it more himself, and once he got the hang of it, he’d never look back. you’d never be safe again. in bed, out of bed, in text - he’s making your mouth dry as often as humanly possible.

[restlesswritings]

CIX REACTIONS

Reaction to you wearing their clothes

A/N: Requests open; Genre: Fluff Warnings: Suggestive, Cursing Masterlists: JPOP & KPOP

BX

You let out a groan, not being able to reach your favorite mug from the top shelf in the cabinet, "Ugh why did he put it up here!" You mumble to yourself, before standing up on your tiptoes, stretching your body as far as you can. "Ugh, almost got i-" Your words trail off when you hear the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you, you twist back to look at them. "Ehm, hey.." You say sheepishly as you're met with your boyfriend, Byounggon, feeling your face heat up because you know he can definitely see your underwear peeking out from his shirt you have on. "Well damn you look good in my shirt.. need help?" He asks, letting out a laugh, making his way over to you, grabbing the cup and placing it in your hands. "Baby! Next time don't put my mug so high up!" You playfully scold, causing him to smirk as he wraps his arms around your waist. "Oh I'm definitely putting everything up high from now on!" He says, shooting you a toothy grin.

Seunghun

"Hey jagi, can you bring me my charger??" Seunghun yells to you from your shared bedroom, causing you to playfully roll your eyes as you grab his charger. "Hun, just pause the gam-" You begin as you walk into the bedroom, stopping when you see the way your boyfriend is looking at you, eyes completely abandoning the game. "What..?" You ask, standing awkwardly in the doorway, he continues staring at you before a smile creeps onto his face. "You're wearing my hoodie?" He asks, a slight smirk evident on his face. "Y-yeah.. you said I could?" You say slightly confused, earning a laugh from him. "I did but I didn't expect you to actually do it.. I like it a lot.." He says, a blush creeping up his face causing you to smile. "Oh? You do?" You ask, making your way to him. "I didn't think you'd like it this much." You say, a smirk making its way on your lips as you plant a quick kiss on his lips before sprinting out of the room, Seunghun trailing behind you.

Yonghee

"Y/N! You look so cute !" Your boyfriend says excitedly when he walks in the door after seeing you wearing one of his hoodies. "Awh haha thanks baby. How was rehearsal?" You ask, cheeks flushed from his previous compliment, Yonghee lets out a laugh at your shyness as he sits next to you. "Jagi, I can't focus right now, you look too cute in my hoodie!" He says, pulling you into his arms. "You're so dramatic!" You say through laughter when his fingers start tickling your sides. "S-stop." You beg, laughter continuing to fill the air as he joins you. "Only if you promise to never wear another hoodie again, only mine." He says in a serious voice, earning an exaggerated nod from you. "Okay yes whatever you want!" You yell out causing his fingers to stop as he pulls you into his arms. "Good, I could get used to this." He says, running his fingers through your hair. "I love you" You say with a smile, giving him a gentle kiss, causing him to smile. "I love you too."

Jinyoung

"What is it babe?" You ask with a laugh, not expecting your boyfriend to look at you like that when you arrived with groceries. "I'm shocked! You look so good you look in my clothes! I didn't think I'd like it this much is all jagi." He says, turning towards you with a loaf of bread in his hands and a nonchalant look. "Why are you surprised? You saw me put it on this morning.. as a matter of fact you were the one who lost my shirt!" You tell him with a loud laugh, glaring your eyes at him as you remember your lost shirt. "Wh-me? I don't remember that, I don't know what you're talking about." Jinyoung defends, holding in his laughter as he looks away from you. "Okay.." You say sarcastically, teasing him as you wrap your arms around him. "Do you really like it when I wear your clothes?" You ask, he nods, returning your embrace before he looks down at you with a smirk. "Although, thinking about this morning.. I like you better without them." He says, earning a playful smack to the chest followed by laughter from both of you.

Hyunsuk

"Hey Y/N, what was that song called aga-" Hyunsuk's words trail off when he sees you laying on the couch in his over-sized t-shirt, causing your head to fly up, you give him a confused look when you notice him looking at you. "What's wrong?" You ask as he continues his stare, causing you to sit up in an upright position. "Is that my shirt?" He asks, taking a seat next to you, a smile forming on your lips. "Yes! Did you really think I wouldn't take you up on it when you offered to share your clothes??" You ask with a big smile, bumping his much larger shoulder with yours, causing him to let out a small giggle. "I'm really glad you did.. you look so cute in my clothes jagi." Hyunsuk says sweetly, pulling you into his arms. "I don't think you'll ever get this shirt back though.. it's so comfy!" You tell him as you wrap your arms around him and look up at him. "You can keep it, it looks better on you anyways." He says, giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead, causing a giggle to escape your lips.

A/N: They're so CUTE

[boysplanetrecaps]

Build Up Episode 0: Getting to Know the Boys Part 1: Team AllRound

Hey, friends! I’m struggling with writing the recap for episode one of Build Up on MNET because I want to stop and give you the background on everyone, which makes the recap really hard to follow. So I figure I’ll spend some time giving you their backgrounds in four separate posts, to help you get to know the guys. I mention things like where else you may have seen them, if they're in an idol group, who knows who, etc, as well as my opinion of their voice based on their teaser performance. I think it’ll make the recaps easier, both to read and to write. In this first post of four, I’ll be talking about the twelve contestants who chose to join the “Allround” category, as opposed to “Soul”, “Power”, or “Unique.” Let’s go!

Before we go on, I just want to let you know that I’ll sharing my informed opinion on their singing voices. I am going to be a little bit harder on them than I am on singers on Boys Planet, with the understanding that these are all great vocalists. We’re looking for the S+ tier guys amongst a group that is A tier at worst. So if I say anything a bit negative about a fave of yours, understand that I’m not saying that he’s a bad singer! Every guy here is an excellent singer. Cool? Cool! 

I also have to apologize, but most of my screenshots are going to be pretty awkward. The video I'm watching makes it really hard to use because every time you pause it, it opens all sorts of porny popups. When it's paused, it has a huge pause symbol in the middle of the picture. So I have to try to take screen shots while it's in motion. It's not easy! Hope you understand.

Also, I have even less time than usual to proofread these posts, so please forgive me for my inevitable typos. <3 Thank you!

Choi Suhwan

Suhwan is currently a soloist. He’s released a few digital singles, none of which have really taken off, unfortunately. You might remember him from ProduceX 101, where he made it to episode 11, so the final cut before the finale, finishing in 28th place. Pretty good!

He was V17, doing a cover of Energetic by Wanna One. I wasn’t blown away by that performance -- it sounded a little processed, and I wasn’t completely sure it was live --  so I sought out another one. Here’s a live performance of his song Losing Sleep. Unfortunately, in this performance, I found his voice a little too nasal and affected to be to my taste, and he had serious issues with his upper mix. He’s not a terrible singer, but there are a lot of stronger singers on this show. Or maybe I’m wrong and he’ll do better next time. Fighting! 

Bitsaeon

Bitsaeon is 28, and is the main vocalist from M.O.N.T. He seems to have a predilection for soft fuzzy sweaters. He was V36, singing Rose Blossom by H1-Key, and all I wrote down in my notes was “this is just a really nice voice.” I just really liked it. Clean, smooth, easy to listen to.

I think this performance of Creep by Radiohead shows both what I like and what I don’t like as much about his performances. He does a lot of this soft whisper singing in his covers, which seems like a waste of what he can do. I love his full belts -- they’re so good. I want to hear him sing full-on more often in songs, like he did with Rose Blossom.  

M.O.N.T. has a whole complicated dealie that I just don’t have the energy to figure out -- the wikipedia page explains some of it. They’re mainly a three member group, with a leader, a rapper, and a main vocal. They haven’t put out any singles in a while, so I’m not sure what’s going on with them. 

Incidentally, Bitsaeon almost certain knows Jay reasonably well. Jay was involved in this thing called MONT Arena that was supposed to collect more members for MONT, so along the way I’m sure they met. In fact, Jay is still signed to the same agency as them (along with a few other agencies).

Seunghun

Seunghun is 24 and a member of CIX. His teaser song was V01, Rain by Paul Kim, and his performance was kind of… not my favorite. He sounded at times almost like he had a cold, and at other times I’m pretty sure he went off key -- I don’t know the song so I can’t be sure but it sounded off. He showed a lack of agility on one of his vocal runs, which means that as he tried to sing a lot of different notes all in a row, he had trouble transitioning from note to note quickly and hitting them all neatly. He had to switch awkwardly to falsetto to hit a single high note in the middle of a line, which is kind of not the goal. I think he may just have been nervous or having an off day. 

Seunghun also competed on YG Treasure Box, which I didn’t watch, but maybe you did. 

Let’s talk about CIX, baby! (Ok, that joke relies on you pronouncing it “six” but it’s really pronounced “see-eye-ex,” if you read the hangul). 

CIX is a five-member group under C9 entertainment, which is also the home to Cignature and Epex. CIX features Wanna One’s Bae Jinyoung, who is the center and face of the group. As sometimes happens in cases like this, the member who was in the big Produce group is famous and attracts stans, while sometimes the rest of the group just doesn’t get as much love, and the group as a whole suffers. See also: Gugudan, Weki Meki. However, CIX does ok. Per genius.com, “The group has released several Top 10 albums in South Korea, including Hello Chapter Ø: Hello, Strange Dream which gave them their first chart-topper in the country. The group’s singles have also consistently landed in the Circle Music chart.” So CIX is a little bit closer to say, IVE than it is to, say, Weki Meki. 

Personally, I like CIX -- I think the members are talented --  but I don’t love all their songs. However, their song Cinema is so smooth and lovely, it’s like a glass of orange-peach juice for your soul, and that’s in great measure because of their smooth vocals. (Seunghun is the one with the blue hair in that clip, if you want to watch it.) In fact, this is the song I wanted to listen to in the car on the way to the hospital to have surgery a year or two ago when I was feeling pretty scared. My fella said, “This is nice. I like this.” So if you never heard it, give it a chance. I’m looking forward to getting to know Seunghun a bit better and seeing him on a better day.  

Yeo One

Yeo One is 28, and is a lead vocalist for Pentagon. I don’t have to tell you about Pentagon, right? Another excellent group who lost a member and whose popularity has ebbed and flowed. If you watched Boys Planet, you know about Hui, and you know that I like Pentagon a lot! 

Yeo One left Cube Entertainment just a few months ago, in October of 2023, along with several other members of Pentagon, so though Pentagon hasn’t disbanded, their further activities will be a bit tricky. He had a sold-out solo concert recently, and was profiled in Rolling Stone Korea, so he’s doing ok for a recently solo artist. Yeo One is a lead vocalist of Pentagon, not one of their two main vocalist, and on kprofiles, he actually ranks in last place in the popularity poll. He often would be given pretty brief lines in most Pentagon songs. But we will get to know him and get to love him on this show, right, team? 

He performed a ballad for his teaser (V40) and all I wrote in my note to myself is “I hate songs like this so much I almost can’t think straight.” So, instead, I found this little song that apparently he wrote and performed himself -- it’s light and charming. It sounds like a guy sitting by the fire making up a song on guitar and singing it to himself. He’s not a super skilled vocalist from what I’ve heard thus far, not a powerhouse like Hui, but he has a charming vocal color and is just sort of a generally a lovable dude.  

Hwang Inhyuk

Inhyeock / Inhyuk (I’ve seen it transliterated both ways -- both would be 인혁 in Hangul) is 26 and is apparently both a soloist and a member of a vocal group called Unison. Unfortunately, I can’t find anything about them since there’s also a Japanese group called “Unison Square Garden” and when you search “Korean vocal group unison” all you get is information about K-pop songs sung in unison, so…. Yeah. Inhyuk is also a composer and lyricist, and has competed on I Can See Your Voice (I’m not sure which season) and Sing for Gold. 

He was V29 and performed a song called The First Day. Again, my perspective is skewed because it’s another feckin’ ballad and no thank you. The opening section when he’s singing in a soft, almost gruff voice is really charming, though. It’s so different from what you’d expect from his appearance and general demeanor. He has a really distinct vocal color, and I think he should have chosen “unique” rather than “allround.” Once he heads into the chorus, which requires belting some higher notes, his voice falters a bit. I just get that feeling that maybe he can do better than what he showed in this teaser. Maybe he wasn’t warmed up properly, or maybe he had a bit of a cold, something like that. The potential is there and I sense training was involved. I’m going to keep an open mind about him. 

Geonu

Geonu is from Just B and is 22. In addition to going on I-land, he also went on a show called Dancing High, which also featured Seo Won who you may remember from Boys Planet. God, there are so many of these shows. I kind of remember Geonu from I-land, where he did pretty well, making it close to the end. It’s kind of a shame that he didn’t make it into Enhypen since Enhypen is definitely short on vocalists. 

If you want to check out one of Geonu’s previous performances, here he is doing a duet performance of BTS’s Butterfly on I-land with Heesung (who did go on to debut in Enhypen). 

Geonu has gotten a bit better since then; here is his audition for this show, where he was V10. 

His upper mixed register has gotten stronger and a lot less breathy compared to when he was on I-land, but he seems to have developed an unpleasant nasality. Maybe being on this show will spur him to adjust his methodology. He has a really pleasant vocal color and a lot of potential. 

(I discuss Just B in Bain’s write up.) 

Jang Intae

Per my online sleuthing, Intae, age 27, is a singer-songwriter and is one half of the duo 415. (Their group is named for the fact that both members were born on April 15th, 1997.) 415 has put out seven digital singles and performed a few OSTs, but their MVs generally get fewer than 10,000 views. I think his general style and vibe isn’t what I personally look for in a musician -- it’s a bit too “acoustic lite” -- but I bet a lot of people would like what he and his duo partner do, if people gave them a chance. 

His teaser performance, V37, was Missing You by BTOB (a song performed on Girls Planet 999, if it sounds familiar to you -- a member of BTOB is on this show's judging panel). It started off really nasal, but got a bit better as it went along. He strained a bit on the high notes, unfortunately. It wasn’t the best performance, but I’m not going to condemn him for 90 seconds of imperfect singing. I hope that as I see more from him, he gets to show more of what he can do.

Jeong Yoonseo

Jeong Yoonseo is a trainee, and little info is available about him. He’s V32, performing Starlight by Taeil. There are a lot of background vocals -- I think there’s a guide track behind him the whole time! -- so it’s hard to pick out his pure voice. It sounds nice from what I can hear.  That’s kind of all I got! (Side note -- I’ve seen his name listed as Jang, not Jeong, but if you read the hangul, it’s Jeong, so IDK.) 

Hong Seongjun

Seongjun is 24 and is (was?) a member of a group called BDC, a three member group under Brandnew Music that debuted in the latter end of the pandemic, in September 2020. All three members had been on ProduceX 101. Seongun himself was eliminated in 51st place. They put out several comebacks but never really caught on.

On their kprofiles page, it says “On August 18, 2023, BRANDNEW MUSIC officially announced that BDC will end all official promotions as artists under the company on August 26, 2023, after they mutually decided to end their contracts. Thereafter, the group have been active in Japan and have a fan meeting planned in Korea on December 3, 2023.” I’m not sure what to make of that, but it doesn’t sound great obviously. 

I went to check out their M/Vs and remembered that I had actually listened to Moon Rider for a few months there at some point. Pretty decent song, but it got only 3.6 million views. I think it’s just kind of tough for three member groups. 

He was V27 and sang a chipper acoustic little song by 10cm. For me, him having such heavy backup vocals for so much of the song kind of makes me wonder, why would you do that?  It’s the same thing as the situation with Yoonseo. Isn’t the point to show their vocals? That said, this was a pleasant enough performance -- clean and sweet, with decent agility in some of the runs -- but not something I’m dying to listen to over and over. I think he didn’t really understand the assignment and chose something that would be nice to perform with people watching you, instead of something to sing in the dark.

Jeong Inseong

Inseong is 29 and is main vocal of a group called KNK. 

He was V06, performing a song called Letting Go by Day6. I looked it up and this song came out on March 28, 2016 -- just a few weeks after Lim Junhyeok had to leave that group. It being called “Letting Go” is a bit… pointed. Kind of like when f(x) did a song called Four Walls as their first comeback (and last) as a four-member group. Anyway… I really liked this. I just wrote in my notes, “ooh, likey.” This is just so good, I don’t even know how to pick it apart. It’s just a combination of stellar technique and smooth natural vocal color. He does have to go into falsetto to hit a super high note, but he transitions almost instantly. This is good stuff. 

KNK debuted in 2016 as a 5 member group. They left their first agency in 2018 but continued as a group at a new agency, losing one member and gaining a new one. Over the last few years, two more members have quit and one more joined, leaving four in the group as of now. 

Their most recent single, Ride, came out in September 2020 and currently has about 1.7 million views on Youtube. It’s so easy to tell when Inseong is singing -- it’s like when Kihyun sings in MonstaX and you’re just like YES, come THROUGH. I threw Ride on my playlist just so I can hear more Inseong. 

Inseong has been in a bunch of music shows, and also participated in Mixnine, so he may know the other Mixnine contestants, Ma Jaekhyung from Romeo and Donghun from A.C.E. However, he had to withdraw early from the show, so maybe not. 

If you want more Inseong, here’s a fun duet he does with the “Korean Madonna,” Kim Wanseon. 

Taehwan

Taehwan, 30, is the leader and main vocalist of Vanner, and was V13, singing Goodbye by Park Hyo Shin. You probably know by now that I’m not much of a ballad girl, but at least this is sung simply, with a really warm, textured voice. He does sound really pinched on the higher notes, like his throat is closing, and he gets a bit nasal at times, as well. In my opinion, he lacks technique, but has a lot of natural talent. He also has a great smile. 

Vanner is a five member group that debuted in 2019. They had a lot of support as they debuted, and even got significant crowdfunding. They went on Peaktime, as did many other lesser known groups -- and they won! Good for Vanner. Their most recent EP charted very well overseas. Their song Performer, released five months ago, has 8.7 million views on Youtube, and their song Jackpot, released on Jan 30, 2024, already had almost 4 million views at the time of writing, an incredible performance for less than a week. So it looks like Vanner is really starting to take off.

Taehwan may have met Ma Jaekyung, Bitsaeon, and Hong Seongjun when they competed on Peak Time.

Ji Yeonwoo

Yeonwoo is another trainee I just don’t know much about. Apparently he went on a show called Wild Idol, which I haven’t seen. But I do know that his teaser song, V24, Suffer by Charlie Puth, was great. A great combination of a song I actually liked and a voice I really liked. He has great agility, leaping up into falsetto and back down again. He does get a bit pinched sometimes on higher notes, but for whatever reason, it doesn’t bother me. Maybe it’s just I’m so glad it’s not a ballad!

Ok, that’s enough for now. I’ll see you in the next one, when I tackle Team Soul, featuring everyone’s favorite. You know who I mean.

[restlessmaknae]

back to life

Jinyoung didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, so why... why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?

➳ Characters: high school senior!Jinyoung x female reader/you

➳ Genre: high school au, coming of age, real-life bittersweet

➳ Words: 5.2k

➳ Warning: due to the connection to the CIX story films, there will be mentions of Yonghee's suicide attempt, bullying, violence, minor character death (Seunghun's mother), blood, hospital visits, plus panic attack, insomnia and a lot of guilt, negative self-talk on Jinyoung's part, reader has a non-specified digestive disorder, so please, do not read the story if you feel triggered by such topics!

➳ A/N: This was a story that I came up with even before the Save me, kill me MV and the following story films (ep. 6-10) were released, so there are parts that do not cover the story films, yet this is my general interpretation of its lore, plus additional fictional parts. Hope you enjoy it! ❤️

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town

Jinyoung knew that he deserved the glares, the stares, the malicious whispers behind his back. If that was what he had to bear for what he had done (or hadn’t done) to Yonghee, then so be it. He could never suffer as much as his friend had done so.

He deserved it, he knew that, he deserved it all.

So he kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding the endless sea of judgemental faces, shut his ears to block out the noise of rumours, and kept his emotions at bay to prevent further bursts of fury to unleash onto someone who didn’t deserve it. After all, if he had just been kinder to Yonghee, if he had just treated him gently instead of using violence, maybe this would have not happened… If… In this world, ifs didn’t amount to anything. They couldn’t bring back the happy memories they shared, they couldn’t turn back time prior to the tragedy, and they couldn’t magically bring Yonghee to consciousness. Despite the fact that the boy was still alive, the heart monitor beside his hospital bed indicating that his heart hadn’t given up, the doctors weren’t that positive regarding his condition.

“He fell from such a high building…”

“He lost so much blood…”

“The fall was rough, he hurt himself badly…”

As if the boy hadn’t struggled enough before, he was still in so much pain, and seeing his body attached to all those wires, oxygen mask on his scarred face, impossibly white sheets covering his injured body, Jinyoung felt even worse. Whenever he visited his friend in the hospital, whenever he looked at Yonghee’s face, he was reminded of their last encounter, and it was enough for him to want to scratch at his skin for it was too unbearable to deal with the consequences of his own actions.

Even though Hyunsuk had tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, Jinyoung didn’t believe him. After all, Yonghee had jumped the day he had pushed him to the shelves, yelling at him, asking if he had been crazy to want to hurt himself over a bad grade. He could never understand the obsession of Yonghee’s parents regarding their son’s good grades, let alone how much it impacted the boy since he himself had never been a good student, nor had he tried to be one.

If he could have just been a bit more empathetic, if he had just opened his eyes to the signs a little earlier…

Jinyoung felt the rush of guilt creeping into his veins, taking over his heart and mind, and he welcomed the feeling almost like a familiar visitor by now. He balled his hands into fists, his nails digging deep into the flesh as he tried to let it wash through him, let it drown him. He wanted nothing more than to drown in this feeling, but reality always brought him back to life - this time, it was you.

“Oh, sorry,” you apologised hastily as you noticed the boy sitting on the floor between two bookshelves, and he looked up, albeit a bit hazily. It was as if you had woken him up from a stupor, he still didn’t feel like his senses were his, his surroundings were real. It was always like this when guilt pulled him under.

He kept quiet, waiting for you to break eye-contact or outright leave this particular section of the school library that he had found to be quiet, so he could hide here while the others were having lunch at the canteen. Not that he had a good appetite these past few weeks, but bearing the watching eyes of others while eating would have been too much, all too much. So just like before, he was a coward, and cowardly chose the easier path - running away.

After transferring schools, somehow rumours followed him, and now everyone here thought that he had killed a student aggressively at his previous school, and he had only managed to avoid juvy because his parents were rich and bribed the jury. While in reality, Yonghee’s case was classified as a suicide attempt for now, and the boy had neither died, nor had Jinyoung been the bully in his case. Not that it mattered when his friend was still lying in bed, still in a coma.

“Do you mind if I join?” You inquired instead of leaving, and confusion brought Jinyoung back to the here and now. Why were you trying to join him when he was a so-called murderer? And why did you bring your lunch box to the library? Did you not eat at the canteen like the others?

He merely looked at you, unfazed, and only spoke up when you didn’t leave.

“Why? Don’t you believe what they say about me?”

“I don’t,” came the answer immediately, and the fast response took the boy aback. “If you had indeed killed someone, and your parents would have bribed the jury, they would probably not want anyone else to know about the bribery, so word wouldn’t have gotten around. Besides, you would probably not be as lifeless as you are now if you had indeed killed someone in cold blood,” you explained thoroughly, your tone almost diplomatic. Ah, now he knew who you were - not by your face but by your voice. You were the top student of the other class, and you went to English classes together. You were always the one who had to give the right answer when no one wanted to speak up.

“Why believe in my innocence when you don’t even know me?” Jinyoung protested, not letting the topic drop. He didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, but instead, looking down on him, and labelling him as a murderer.

So why, why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?

“I know prejudices are scarcely right, and besides… you are in my usual hideout place,” you remarked as you pointed around you. Jinyoung could have believed that the autobiography section of the school library wasn’t that frequently visited, but for you to have it as your usual hideout place meant that you must have frequented it.

Jinyoung found himself unable to say anything to that, and you took that as a sign of approval, so you lowered yourself down and sat on the ground, your back to the shelf opposite of the one Jinyoung leaned towards. You were at a decent distance from each other, but the boy still felt oddly bare given the visibility. It was as if he was afraid that you would get to know how torn and broken he was if you got any closer. Which you didn’t, thankfully.

Instead, you opened your lunch box, and took a bite from your seemingly homemade food. You stared at the books in front of you instead of looking at him, and he was both relieved and frustrated by this. All of this just for you to sit there to eat?

On the other hand, Jinyoung knew that he had no reason to question you. Not you out of all people. So he just let you have your lunch in peace while he was slipping back into his own self-destructive thoughts, glad that they didn’t change. Someone like you might have believed that he was innocent, but Jinyoung knew very well that he wasn’t. If anything, he might have been the worst of them all. Even Seunghun could forgive Yonghee after what had happened to Seunghun’s mother, but why couldn’t Jinyoung move on from that day and wish for his friend to wake up?

Because he knew very well that he would need to face him, and he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure that he would ever be.

Jinyoung should have known that when you meant that the autobiography section in the school library was your hideout place, you meant that you went there frequently, but he didn’t give it too much thought. In fact, he didn’t really give anything too much thought apart from how he should have been there for Yonghee, and how much he wished he could have turned back time to make everything right.

On the other hand, you did come back day after day, and the boy didn’t have the heart to send you away, nor did he find a different hideout place when students were all over the building and the schoolyards during lunch break, so there was nowhere else to hide. Here though, no one bothered you. To be precise, Jinyoung was bothered by your presence at first, but since you didn’t push him for answers, you just greeted him when he showed up or vice versa, and finished your lunch in silence, he couldn’t find a reason to be bothered by you. He merely didn’t understand why you weren’t bothered by him.

“Why don’t you eat with the others?” He found himself asking once, eyes narrowing as his eyes found yours. You blinked a few times at him as if you were surprised that he had actually asked a question from you, and gulped down your food before answering.

“I don’t have any friends, and I don’t want anyone to comment on my food. I have enough of that on school trips,” you sighed out, your voice carrying an all too familiar emotion - bitterness. Raw, deeply personal, and fragile. Bitterness wasn’t a feeling that he had been familiar with before, but now, if one emotion could embody what he was going through, it would be this one big mess of bitterness without seemingly an end in sight.

The boy assumed that you would leave it at that, but you didn’t. He found that he didn’t exactly mind.

“I have gut problems, so I need to bring my own food, but they make fun of it as if I chose to eat this way. You don’t realise how isolating it can be when you can’t eat the food that others eat, but here, no one bothers me,” you added as you looked around the huge, still shelves of books that could indeed not ask stupid questions, let alone judge her for spending her lunch break here. He could understand the sentiment well.

“That’s ridiculous,” he snorted in disbelief, but your lips trembled and sadness moved into your eyes, so he felt the need to add. “That they make fun of you for that, I mean. It’s not your fault,” he justified solemnly, and your shoulders easened as if you had been bearing a weight for so long that had just come off now.

“You’re the first person who says that at school.”

Jinyoung was about to open his mouth, but he couldn’t utter a word. It had never been him who had caught onto someone’s change in their body language or who was said to be the most empathetic. After all, if he had been, Yonghee wouldn’t have laid in a hospital bed… So for you to voice out that he was the first one who took your side, he didn’t even know if he should have protested or shared that it was only natural in his eyes.

He closed his mouth, and looked down at his own intertwined fingers - ones that pushed those away who wanted to keep him close, ones that pushed Yonghee away quite literally when he should have needed help the most. He felt himself going back into his usual spiral of destructive thoughts when your voice pulled him out.

Again.

“Where’s your lunch? Aren’t you eating?”

He was so surprised by the question that his eyebrows elevated and his eyes widened. He was sure that he seemed pretty dumbfounded because you let out a short-lived yet beautiful (thus fragile) giggle, and explained that you figured out that he was here during lunch break because he didn’t want to eat with the others. However, unlike you, he didn’t have food with him.

“I don’t feel like eating.”

“You should. You need the energy to bear all the weight of those malicious rumours,” you pointed out almost gently, giving him a small smile before turning back to your food and proceeding to eat.

You didn’t say a word afterwards, nor did he, but now he wasn’t sure whether his lack of response was because he didn’t find it in himself to tell you that he didn’t care, that he was fine, that he deserved it, that you didn’t know anything, or because he was awestruck by the fact that someone cared. That you cared whether he ate or not, whether he was affected by the malicious rumours or not.

That you cared about him in the first place.

Jinyoung wouldn’t deem it a habit, but you still came back day after day, and he did come back day after day as well, and somehow you fell into this unfamiliar rhythm of silences filled with occasional, more or less vulnerable questions, and his heart was open to answer them. Even when you inquired whether he didn’t want to fix the broken watch around his wrist and he said that it was a friend’s, so he didn’t want to, he didn’t mind telling you, and you didn’t push for more details, so he left it at that.

He didn’t admit though that the watch was Yonghee’s, and that he found it with a torn glass lens on the rooftop of the school - from where Yonghee had jumped from. He had picked it up alongside the boy’s phone, and selfishly kept the watch, so that it could remind him of the only time that mattered - of his friend’s lifespan; so that it could be a compass for him - to show where he was supposed to go; so that it could be a guide for him - to indicate what he was supposed to do, what was the right thing to do. Such as not beating up the bullies at his previous school even though he had wanted to.

You also shared how tough it was to constantly live up to the expectations of your parents, teachers and classmates, and how you were always supposed to give the right answer even if you were an outcast, even if you were ridiculed for your health problems, even if you were never enough. Hearing that, Jinyoung couldn’t help but be reminded of Yonghee (when wasn’t he reminded of his friend, honestly?), but you seemed to be floating above all the criticism well.

When he inquired how you managed, you shared that you worked with a therapist, and the boy was surprised both to hear that and to hear you admit that, yet you confessed that asking for professional help had probably been the best decision of your life. You knew either way that school would be over soon - as you were seniors -, and you hoped university would be different. Besides, you hoped that you would meet people who could understand you like you had found Jinyoung.

The boy was never one to feel touched, but when you confessed that you deemed him someone who could accept you for who you were, he felt immensely moved. He was overcome with this inward urge, this deep want to keep you safe that was just so jarring, he felt like catching his breath while only staying still. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether it was because he didn’t want history to repeat itself or because he genuinely wanted it to stay this way. He was, as always, torn, and he wasn’t sure whether he could get an answer to his turmoil of emotions.

Nevertheless, when you didn’t come to the library for a few days, Jinyoung immediately jumped to worrisome conclusions, and he even went as far as to ask from your homeroom teacher whether you were absent because of an illness or because something had happened to you. The elderly man reassured him that you caught some bug, so you would probably come back a few days later, and unbeknownst to him, he was relieved, lungs working to full capacity again, heart quitting those crazy palpitations he had while worse and worse scenarios were going through his head.

Interestingly so, the next time you met wasn’t even in the library, but at the sports day event where everyone was supposed to participate, at least as spectators, and he found you sitting alone on the bench of the grandstand, so he headed towards you.

You looked up as he approached, and there was a small smile hiding in the corner of your lips as you realised who he was. Upon the sight, he was yet again overcome by that feeling of protectiveness. He knew that just as much as he could make you smile, he could hurt you as well, and he didn’t want that, but he didn’t want to run away either. Not from you. Not from someone who didn’t push him for questions, who didn’t care that he didn’t talk a lot about his past, who didn’t care that odd rumours were spread about him.

Besides, his internal turmoil in the past few days prompted him to appreciate the time you two could spend together, and so he wanted to keep these times within an arm reach, he didn’t want them to slip through his fingers, to crush and burn, and be just a faded, bitter memory in the future of what ifs and could haves.

So he took the first step towards you, and then the next, and before he knew it, he was sitting beside you, both of you watching the currently playing students on the field.

“You didn’t come in the past few days,” he pointed out matter-of-factly while still keeping his eyes on the football match. He saw from the corner of his eyes that your shoulders tensed a bit, and you audibly took in a deep breath before answering.

“Yeah, well… I wasn’t really feeling well. The meds that I’m taking for my gut suppress not only the harmful stuff but the beneficial bacteria, so I’m more susceptible to illnesses. It’s not the first time it happened either,” you concluded a bit bitterly, and he could hear the hurt in your voice. Though you tried to mask it, though he had not always been good at picking up on the signs, he could tell that your condition bothered you - the fact that you were tending to one illness while leading the way for others.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jinyoung inquired genuinely after clearing his throat, and looked at you just in time for you to look at him. As your gazes connected, something inside of him burst, and it flew through him in waves of warm, comforting reassurance. Just the fact that you were beside him, seemingly safe and sound, lifted such a heavy weight off his shoulders, he felt like he could breathe again.

At least for the lifespan of this conversation.

“Yeah, I think so. Don’t worry.”

“I didn’t,” the boy tried to protest immediately, but you narrowed your eyes as if you were trying to decide whether to question his words or not. In the end, you did speak up.

“The homeroom teacher told me that you asked about me. He thought I was tutoring you or something like that, and that’s why you asked about me,” you replied without batting an eye, however, Jinyoung couldn’t bear to look at you anymore. Instead, he looked away, finding the currently running boys on the field much more interesting.

The truth is, the boy didn’t know why he was embarrassed about the situation. Worrying about someone after what had happened to Yonghee was still an unfamiliar feeling to him. He didn’t even know he was concerned about you until you didn’t show up at the library, but if there was one thing he had learned from the past few months behind him, it was that he couldn’t take anything for granted. Or anyone, for that matter.

“Anyways, do you want to exchange contacts? At least, I can tell you next time if something like this happens,” you suggested warily, breaking the silence that fell upon the two of you. Jinyoung slowly shifted his eyes from the field to you, but you were looking down at your intertwined fingers, your phone resting under your hands.

“Sure,” he found himself saying even though he wasn’t sure that it was him speaking. Even you were a tad bit surprised that he had given it so quickly, but either way, you exchanged contacts before you were called for a jogging race and needed to leave him behind.

Nevertheless, as you were walking down the stairs, you halted and looked back over your shoulder, directing a gentle smile in the boy’s direction. Whenever he saw you smile like that, the only thought that he had was for how long you could smile like that before he would paint it with agony and hurt, before he would ruin your blossom of affection, before he would break the heart you held out to him.

“Thank you. For worrying about me.”

Your voice broke through the overwhelming mass of his own destruction that was ready to bring him down anytime, and suddenly, in that moment, his heart whispered something else: maybe your smile was one for change, one for hope.

Jinyoung knew that they all blamed themselves for what had happened to Yonghee, and they had all changed since their friend had tried to commit suicide. Byounggon, for one, had dropped out of school altogether after he had realised that he had no power as someone who lived alone on a rooftop, abandoned by his parents, struggling to make ends meet with school and his part-time job. He had started working full-time instead. Seunghun, who had aspired to become a dancer before, had given up on dancing after he had not been able to go back to the practice room because it always reminded him of how his mother had died. He was completely lost for now. Hyunsuk, who had always tried to do well at school - to gain his parents’ love and his father’s attention who lived far away since his parents’ divorce - had started dropping in rank, even going as far as attempting to steal because he could no longer tolerate who he was, and how the supposed-to-be perfect Yoon Hyunsuk had not been able to help his friend because he had been blinded by his own suffering.

And Jinyoung, well… He had changed schools, but his guilt followed him everywhere. His parents said that they didn’t even recognise him anymore, but Jinyoung couldn’t either. Whenever he looked into the mirror, he saw his friend’s face as he had grabbed Yonghee by the collar and pushed him to the shelves, and he wished he could break the mirror, punch the glass until his knuckles bled, scream at the top of his lungs until he became speechless. The truth is, he felt like a part of him had died on the day Yonghee had jumped from the rooftop. Living was painful, but sleeping wasn’t peaceful either. He was constantly tormented by nightmares, and not even the sleeping pills could help - they helped with actually going to sleep, but not with chasing away his nightmares.

He wasn’t one to believe in miracles because he had tasted the bitterness of life, but you, you seemed to shine some light in the darkness. A kind of light that warmed him but also scared him at the same time. What if you were suffering in silence, and he wasn’t able to help? Again. What if he was to hurt you, either literally or figuratively? Again. What if he couldn’t take care of you? Again. The thought of anything happening to you made his already agonising days even more frightening. Staying away from you seemed as much of a bad idea as getting closer to you. He was truly lost in his sea of emotions, he felt like drowning.

And just when he thought that he was doing better, he realised that the hardest part was still left: letting go of the guilt when his friend’s state was still uncertain. However, if you hadn’t told him to think from Yonghee’s point of view, he would have never realised that Yonghee would want him to be happy. Yet, he had a panic attack once when you were in the library and he got a message from Seunghun saying that Yonghee’s heart had stopped for a while, but they had managed to resuscitate him. Afterwards, words just spilled out from him, and it was like an avalanche: sweeping everything up into the air, raging through slopes and destroying anything that got in its way.

Jinyoung told you that he blamed himself for everything, and that he was the reason his friend had still not woken up, and you let him speak until his mouth ran dry, until his words bled together, until his heart was finally brought out from the shadows, put in front of you to hold and decide whether to break it or tend to it.

You seemed to decide on the latter.

“It’s hard to say for sure at times like this, but usually, a decision like this is more about a handful of different things coming together at the wrong time, and consequences seeming daunting. Your friend might have also wanted things to be different,” you mentioned tentatively after you had let him tell you whatever he wanted. He figured that you had a feeling that if you interrupted him, you would hold him back from sharing the whole story, and he was sure that it could have gone down that way because he wasn’t one to talk about his emotions, especially not the ones regarding Yonghee.

“I don’t know…”

“He might have been happy while you had been together. It might have given him strength to hold out for so long. Something in him still wants to fight,” you reasoned gently, your words rolling off like drops of rain on a tranquil night just between fall and winter.

These were just words, mere syllables put together, but Jinyoung was struck, he felt his heart clench, his mind flooded with the memories they had made in the movie club, flashbacks of Yonghee smiling, the twinkling eyes of the boy, the childish giggle of his… and in that moment, Jinyoung realised that his mind was clouded by all the pain of the past few months, and he couldn’t see the joy, the care, the happiness before… It was as if everything else had been erased from his life apart from his wrongdoings and the events that followed Yonghee’s fall.

And in that moment, he found himself collapsing like pillars of a building that gave in to the massive weight on top of them, and cries broke out of him. Ugly, raw, heart-wrenching sobs that you didn’t try to muffle, you didn’t try to calm down, you merely let him like it all out.

And for that, he would always be thankful because he felt like he had been holding out for so long, he had tried to keep it all together before because he couldn’t crumble, he couldn’t cause more pain to others around him, but maybe it wasn’t about being a burden to others, it was about being human.

After so long without being in the same room together that was not the hospital ward, the four boys got together to read Yonghee’s letter, back at the music club of their old school. To be precise, Jinyoung and Byounggon’s old school. And you were right, Yonghee confessed in his letter that the only happy times he had were the ones he had with the four of them. Damn it, you were right.

No wonder tears were shed, words were exchanged, and after watching the movie they had worked on together, Jinyoung felt like something mended. It was as if with Yonghee’s fall, they had all fallen apart like broken pieces of a vase because there wasn’t a glue anymore that held them together - there wasn’t Yonghee there to keep them together. Yet, now they were together like this again. For a while after what felt like eternity, they were themselves again. It felt like maybe they forgave themselves. Not entirely but maybe forgiveness wasn’t as far as they had thought so.

And coincidentally, the next morning when Jinyoung was at school, zoning out during Maths class, he received a message in the groupchat that Yonghee had woken up. He didn’t think twice, he disregarded the exclaims of the teacher, the stares of his classmates and ran through corridors, streets, hallways, hopped on and off buses until his legs could give in and fall to the ground beside Yonghee’s bed.

Byounggon was already there, but through the waterfall of his tears, Jinyoung couldn’t see what state the boy was in, he could only see Yonghee's face breaking free from the stern lines - the ones that made him resemble a statue for so long - and his eyes - wide and bright as usually - focusing on him.

“Jinyoung…” He muttered quietly, and his voice - the one he could only listen to in videos on his phone before - seemed both familiar and brand new. He couldn’t believe his ears. His friend had not only woken up, but he also remembered him. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he added, voice raspy and words a bit uncertain, but the message was there, and if Jinyoung could fall even deeper, he would have.

“Thank you…. Thank you so… much… for coming back,” Jinyoung cried out, interrupted by his jarring sobs. Yonghee’s lips curled upwards slowly, and Jinyoung found himself smiling with him through his tears. Gosh, just how easy it was to smile again.

He didn’t know what he would have done if Yonghee’s heart had given up for good, but now, he knew that he wouldn’t take anything for granted again. Not his friend’s silent plea for help, not his parents’ support towards him, not his friends’ care, not the smiles and laughs and jokes, not the silly little nothings and the “I’ve told you so” sentences, and not you as well, not the chances he had been given to feel alive again, not the friends he had mended his relationship with again, and not the bond you two had created. He would cherish all of it as much as he could, and make sure that he would voice it out. Because he now knew that life was so precious, and despite it being hard on the living, it might have been more difficult on those who had left or chosen to leave.

Something within him gave in, and he felt like his lungs were working on full capacity, but not because he couldn’t breathe - but because he was ready to welcome more air, more life. He was coming back to life bit by bit.

A/N:  If you or someone is in need, don't hesitate to reach out for help! A list of worlwide helplines can be found here.

We are never alone.

I want to clarify that I believe one could be a support to a person struggling, but it's still the person in question who has to find the will in themselves to keep going. So I purposefully didn't make it into a romance-focused story where the reader "saves" Jinyoung because Jinyoung needed to forgive himself and "save" himself, but the way the reader supported him, showed him a different way of life and put things into a different perspective helped him tremendously to deal with everything that he was going through. They both helped each other, to be precise.

In my story, I wanted Yonghee to wake up from the start, but only after the boys forgive themselves, yet in the story films, I think there might be a different ending regarding Yonghee's condition. However, we can see the boys slowly coming together and moving on in their own way, and I wanted to showcase that same kind of hopefulness by the end of the story.

I'm super proud of CIX for having such a storyline, for taking it so seriously and for showcasing all the different ways a person can deal with such things and find some salvation. Super proud of them for their acting, too!

As for my story, I know it might not be able to do the storyline justice, but I hope it could spark something in your nevertheless. Thank you so so so much for reading it!❤️

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[minghaoyoudoin]

Can I request Cockwarming with CIX? 🙏🏼

I have so much to say and there are not enough words in the english language but here we go!

rating: 18+ only!!! if you're a minor and I catch you interacting I'm gonna getcha!!

warnings: fem!reader, cockwarming, brief mention of baejin's mirror kink (hehe I couldn't resist)

lee byounggon (bx): he absolutely loves it. there is not a single doubt in my mind. the idea of cockwarming wasn’t really something he’d considered before (you had to explain what it was the first time you brought it up) but once he tried it? MAN OH MAN this guy cannot get enough. there’s something about the tight warmth of you that drives him absolutely wild and makes any movement—accidental or not—all that much more electric. I can see him being the type to purposefully move the tiniest bit just to watch the way you squirm around him. it doesn't always have to be about sexual gain for him, though. after a hard or tiring day it's things like this that make cuddling with you all that much more special for him.

"please move, you're driving me insane."

"why would I do that when you look so pretty right now?"

rest of the members below the cut!

kim seunghun: he is such a little shit, that's all there is to it. seunghun absolutely thrives on your tiny whimpers and gasps any time he shifts and he can't help but continue to tease you until you're a begging mess. I think he's always been intrigued by the idea of cockwarming and was extremely excited the first time you mentioned it. he always seems to propose the idea in the most casual situations: you're watching a movie? it'd be better with his cock inside you. you're sitting on the couch reading a book in silence? you'll find a greater appreciation for the literary canon if he's nestled inside your walls. seunghun's favorite place to be in this world is tangled up with you, breathing in the scent of your shampoo while you hug his cock. he'd be completely fine if the interaction didn't end in sex, but who are we kidding? you can never seem to get enough of him.

"what's the matter, baby? is this movie not interesting enough?"

"I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in the past ten minutes."

kim yonghee: yonghee is the type to do anything you ask of him simply because it would make you happy. on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone who loves cockwarming with the strength of a thousand suns, yonghee is a solid five. he hadn't really wanted to try it with anyone before you but that first time was a game-changer for him. I think what he loves most about it is that you always feel so much closer to him than you normally would, even if there's no expectation to follow through with full intercourse. he adores you being on top anyways, and there's something about sitting on the couch or at his desk with you straddling his lap that makes his heart erratically beat. simply put, he lives and breathes to touch you and he loves cockwarming because it allows him to touch every inch of you he can.

"you're so warm, I wish we could stay like this forever."

"forever it is, then."

bae jinyoung: he doesn't get it. at least, he didn't. you had to pester him about giving it a try for weeks before he finally decided to oblige you (though it really only took that long because he adores the way your nose scrunches when you're annoyed). but then. after that first time, he realizes that there's a whole new realm of intimacy that he hadn't thought to explore yet. he typically only engages in cockwarming with you as foreplay, eating up every micro-change in your expression or tiny sound you make when he adjusts his hips. and though he won't admit it out loud, cockwarming really gets him going. any time you glance at his face his teeth are digging into his lower lip and his brows are scrunched over his eyes. and though I consider jinyoung to be a pretty firm top, there are opportunities for a power-shift here that wouldn't normally be there.

"look in the mirror, baby. if you want me to move, you have to watch."

yoon hyunsuk: he's actually the one that brought this up to you. he was so sweet and shy about it, blushing up to his hairline, that you had no choice but to obey him. I'm convinced that hyunsuk is vocal in bed and cockwarming with you would be no different. any time you shift your hips in his lap or tense your walls the smallest bit he lets out a shuddering breath that sends heat pooling straight to your core. and even though he's the one who brought up trying it in the first place, it always ends with his soft pleas to fuck you into the mattress. much like yonghee, he feels closest to you during these moments. there is no greater comfort to him than holding you tight to his chest and he can't help but believe you when you whisper that you love him.

"I realize I'm the one who wanted to try this, but can I please move?"

"giving up already?"

thank you for reading! as always, please leave a like or reblog if you enjoyed it and STREAM 458! bye loves!

masterlist here :)

© minghaoyoudoin 2022- all rights reserved.reposts/translations not allowed. I do not assume to know the personal lives of the idol(s) depicted in this fic, this is for entertainment purposes only!

[cutie-cix]

Cix + Hickeys 😳

I don’t usually write things hehe but here I go:

This is for Dai aka @yong-jelly bc they’ve been rlly busy & I don’t wanna add yet another request to their current 6 😅 this is something I cannot absolutely CANNOT get off my brain and I need to spill it somewhere so here I go

In fact I don’t wanna be a full fanfic writer cause I can’t do that but I might open up this account for lil cix blurbs like this

Minors: DNI, this is a suggestive piece

Also it’s a GN!Reader, Yonghee’s implies long hair on the reader tho

Byounggon

Thinks of hickeys as very intimate

Not like super into giving them?? But I could see that changing over time

Doesn’t like the thought of having one (doesn’t wanna tarnish his reputation/cause a scandal) but will love the feeling of your lips on his collarbone so he loses track of time & ends up with one there anyways

I feel like he’d just wear a turtleneck after getting one 😭

Or just something with a big collar that will cover it up

Which makes it all the more special

He would be the type to tell you how ashamed he is to have it, but the next time you’re making out he’d point to the spot on his neck/collarbone where he wants his next one

Likes having them in secret places

Ngl he definitely giggles while you’re giving him one

Seunghun

Oh boy

Looooooves it

Giving, receiving, the whole lot

Please mark him up

He especially loves to mark you along your jawline

Please kiss him there too

I have a feeling everything he does in the bedroom he wants reciprocated to him and that’s his way or expressing his wants & needs 😅

You’re still in bed when he finds the hickey while looking in the mirror the next day & gives you a pouty “look what you did to me” talk about how he has work and now has to put makeup over it (jokingly of course bc you KNOW he loves the marks)

But then you get up & enter the bathroom & he sees about 5 or 6 hickeys all over your face & chest so he’s one to talk

Loves marking your thighs too

Yonghee

Ashamed of it all, really

Def could learn to like it, but it’s just shocking for him

Most likely because he’s never been loved by somebody the way you love him & can’t believe that you do??

Like Byounggon, didn’t intend for it to happen

He just knows there’s one spot on your neck— right behind your left ear, that is sensitive

I think he’s honestly very careful not to give you one unless you specifically ask for it tho

Poor angel can’t go to work like this,,

You wake up the next morning to find him in the bathroom with Tiktok open, frantically trying that trick where you take a whisk and try to remove the hickey with that 😭

Asks you to give him one on his chest next time because that he can keep secret (unless he’s doing another unit stage w Seunghun because we all know how that went 😩)

(Side note I’ve seen the Yongtiddies in the flesh which is still crazy to me)

A lil panicky at first but it turns out he likes it cause he asks you to do it again 😳

He’s only given you one, and he finds it while you’re cooking breakfast the next day

He pushes your hair behind your ear & sees the spot he was loving on the day before

Honestly the only reaction I can see him having is just him being like “what have I done???”

But you reassure him it’s no biggie (at least your hair covers it)

Bae Jinyoung

Oh boy

I don’t think he’d necessarily give you one unless he felt jealous/possessive

& I think he gets that way a lot

Doesn’t mind having to cover up the ones you give him, as long as they’re not obvious/ too out in the open

Honestly probably makes lil noises while kissing your neck

Oh the PRAISE—

He’s just complimenting the shit out of you

Maybe gets a lil handsy while he’s giving you one

Likes getting them, sure, but nothing compares to the feeling of his lips practically glued to your neck/chest

Next day he’s like “oh well, we both have them, now we’ll just have to get matching hoodies to cover them up 🤷🏻”

Hyunsuk

I genuinely believe hickeys are his favorite thing

This might get long and I’m sorry if it does but I’m bound to get carried away

Loves the feeling of giving and getting, for 2 very different reasons

Loves getting them because he could just stay tangled in bed with you all day & the feeling of being in the moment (and having something to show for it) is just such a beautiful thing

Here’s where it gets real good: loves LOVES seeing the marks on you the next day

It’s definitely something he’s proud of, like if you complain about having to cover them up for work, he’d just be like “I can’t help it, I love you too much”

What really gets him going tho is when the other members see the marks

You’re just walking into the kitchen to grab a snack when Seunghun & Jinyoung look at each other

He’s the maknae, I always feel like there’s a certain level of having to prove yourself when you’re the maknae

It’s almost his way of bragging to the boys about how good the sex is tbh 😅

It’s his way of asserting a level of unspoken dominance with the others, they notice them on you (and the ones you put on him too) & say nothing

He never speaks a word about it to the others but gets all smirky at times

He just wants the others to know how in love with you he is and vice versa

[dat-town]

you are the knife i turn inside myself (that is love)

Characters: Seunghun & OC (Jieun)

Setting & genre: angst, hurt/comfort, set in the world of Save Me Kill Me MV

Summary: Jieun had always been an enigma. Yet, Seunghun can’t stop loving her.

Warnings: mentions of suicide (Yonghee’s), past attempted suicide (MC), bullying, parents’ divorce and neglectful behaviour (MC’s), deceased parents (Seunghun’s), academic pressure, depression (MC’s), therapy ‒ if any of these topics are triggering for you, please don’t interact with the fic. if you would like to know what to expect under any warning beforehand, feel free to send me an ask

International suicide hotline: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Words: 6k

Author’s note: it’s a spin-off to in your eyes i see another me, for my convenience I named the previous reader, as Jinah. I don’t think it’s a must to read it but it gives more context. Heavily inspired by the CIX story films and Save Me Kill Me MV, so the boys’ characters resemble that more than their idol personality. This story is heavily Seunghun-centric.

Title taken from Kafka, read the meaning here.

For @restlessmaknae, thank you for always being such a supporter, for introducing me to new music (and groups) and for fangirling with me over fictional characters or real people in general. I hope next year you find a place where they appreciate you the way you deserve it and that it will be a better one health-wise. I wish you more (kpop) concerts, travel experiences and happiness! love you <3

Seunghun couldn't tell when exactly he fell in love with Jieun. Was it love at first sight? The way her fringe had fallen into her dark eyes, the fierce fire in them, the way she had looked at him like everything was a challenge ever since the first day of high school? Or was it much later when she had held his trembling hand during his mother's funeral?

Seunghun wasn't sure but he knew one thing: he didn't remember how it was to not be in love with her. That's why it hurt when he started to notice her building up walls, acting weird and hanging out with Byounggon more. The boy told himself he wasn't jealous, he had nothing against the other guy after all, but lying could only take him that far.

Then his whole world turned upside down when it turned out that Jieun had a twin who pretended to be her while she was in a hospital. In a coma. Because of attempted suicide.

It was like an ice cold shower because Seunghun would rather have Jieun be with somebody else than dead. Or in pain. But Jieun was like a rose with sharp thorns, so to love her was like handing her a knife, ready to be hurt.

The smell of the hospital was the same. Seunghun remembered it all too well. It didn't matter that it wasn't the same building or that months had passed. He had spent too much time beside Yonghee's bed, praying that he wouldn't leave like his mom, to forget. And now here he was, right by the unconscious Jieun's side doing the same.

She looked so vulnerable in the hospital bed, all pale and put on machines that kept her alive. So unlike how she really was: wild and lively like ember among ash. Whenever Seunghun came to visit, his heart sank at the sight and he couldn't help checking the heart monitor just to make sure. Hoping that one of these days it would be different, that she would open her eyes and everything would be okay. What a wishful thinking but it's not like he had anything better to do.

"Your sister comes back from the UK tomorrow. You should see Byounggon, he's like an excited puppy," he recited, sitting on the uncomfortable metal chair next to Jieun's bed. He didn't believe she heard him but the nurses told him it could help, so he did his best. It made it feel less weird too, just being there, silent, watching her sleep. Like this, he could pretend they were gossiping, like she could chuckle anytime soon and call him out on his bullshit when he exaggerated. Not this time though; ever since Jinah notified them that she had finished all her final exams and was heading back to Seoul for the summer, Byounggon was restless. "How long do you think it will take them to get together officially? We all saw how they looked at each other and long distance can't be an excuse now."

Honestly, given Jieun's and Byounggon's arguing history, Seunghun didn't think the girl would have been thrilled to know that her twin got so close with the guy, but he would have rather taken her frustration than her silence at this point. He would have given anything for her to wake up. Maybe he was selfish but he wasn't ready to lose her too. Too many good people had left them last year.

"I miss you," he whispered, toying with a loose thread of her thin duvet. The realization wasn't sudden but his confession was. It tasted bittersweet on his tongue or like sour candy.

Seunghun gulped while watching Jieun's porcelain face, her dark lashes and listened to the rhythmical beeps of the machine beside her. Nothing even stirred. Gently, he reached out to take her hand in his, so cold against his sweaty palms, so still and unlike her. Jieun wasn't fond of public displays of affection after all. He sometimes got away with a brief hug or nudge on the shoulder, but Jieun was often quick to pull away. But she was like that with everybody, so Seunghun didn't take it to heart.

He squeezed her hand softly, suddenly nervous at being so daring, but naively he hoped that maybe the cliché things from dramas would turn out to be true for once. But no, even as he stood up to leave and let go of her pale hands, the heart monitor's beeps remained steady.

With Jinah back in town, they had one more person at those Saturday hang outs Hyunsuk liked to call movie nights in honour of the film club they used to be a part of.

Eventually all of them had graduated, even Byounggon and Jinyoung had managed to do so without having to retake the senior year. Seunghun wasn't sure it would have happened without Jinah. Sure, her lying to them and impersonating her sister had been morally wrong but with her around they had all gotten a new perspective: that they all had something to live for and none of the people who had left them would have wanted them to feel otherwise. At first, Seunghun had thought that it had been naive to think so, so unlike Jieun, but then he had gotten to know about her in the hospital and realized that maybe it had been their pessimistic mindset of theirs all along that had pushed the girl to the edge.

Hyunsuk and Byeol had gotten into the same college, sociology majors – she had wanted to study that and he hadn't known what else to do –, and it was cute how they lived their campus romance. Jinyoung had started working in a coffee shop and whenever they visited him, female customers were making heart eyes at him. Byounggon had gotten a job at a convenience store and often took night shifts because he had always been a night owl (and because with the timezone difference, this way he could talk more with Jinah), but with her back in time, it was most likely up to change.

And Seunghun? He had taken on a few children's dance classes to teach and was studying for the civil worker exam. With house bills to pay he couldn't allow himself to dream big. With all of them pressed up against each other on a couch, watching a movie, he was already paying his dream coins thinking of Jieun – that she would make faces but like this anyway –, wishing she was there.

It was almost the end of the visiting hours when Seunghun woke up. He didn't mean to fall asleep over Jieun's hospital bed, arms folded like a pillow but he was up late learning a new choreography. He loved the lack of crushing thoughts when he was dancing, the soreness in his muscles and the beats of music the only thing he was aware of. No what ifs or guilt or anxiousness, just dance. Except when Jieun had been watching him dance before because then his thoughts had been all about her.

The boy startled and pulled back, scooting back in his chair. He yawned as he rubbed his eyes. Then he froze, eyes widening.

Jieun was watching him.

Her eyes were misty and unfocused but she was awake. Seunghun stood up so vehemently that he almost knocked his chair back. Her name was a prayer of gratitude as he called it. The soft sound made the girl focus on him. Breathing through the plastic mask over her face, heartbeat measured by the wires put on her body, white hospital grown over her pale skin, Jieun seemed like a stranger but her eyes, they were still the same: sad but with fire in them.

Seunghun held his breath while a single drop of tear rolled down Jieun's temple, then she closed her eyes again right before the nurses arrived.

Seunghun was sent out while the doctors and nurses ran a million tests on the girl. He called Jinah and wrote in the group chat but he didn't know what else to do. He was pacing, walking up and down the corridor and while this was what he was waiting for, for her to wake up, it was also nerve-wrecking.

"How is she?" Seunghun ran up to the nurse who just came out of the room.

"Better than expected. But I can't tell you the details. Only family members are entitled to know medical details."

It left a sharp feeling in Seunghun's gut after spending in the hospital hours every week, but he wasn't surprised. He needed the family's permission to be able to visit too, so he didn't push it.

"Can I see her?" He asked instead, but the nurse looked at him uncertainly, with pity.

"I'm sorry but… the patient specifically said she doesn't want you to see her like that. Nobody apart from her family actually," she bobbed her head apologetically before hurrying away, leaving the boy behind.

Disheartened, Seunghun sank down onto the row of uncomfortable plastic chairs in the corridor and tried not to feel hurt. He knew how proud Jieun was, how much she hated to show weakness to others. He should have expected it, but it still stung.

He didn't know how much time had passed by the time the doctors and rest of the nurses left or when Jinah and Byounggon arrived. He just sat there, waiting, waiting. He wasn’t sure what for, not anymore.

Jinah told all of them that according to the doctors Jieun would make full recovery. She had to attend rehabilitation because she just spend months not moving and obligatory therapy due to the attempted suicide. She wasn't particularly happy about either of those nor having to repeat her senior year. But at least she didn't look like she was disappointed that she survived or so Jinah said. Not that they talked about it. Jieun wasn’t quite generous with words, not when it came to topics like this.

After a week of various examinations they would let her out of the hospital and she would spend two weeks in the mountains for recovery. Three weeks until Seunghun could see her again. If she was ready then.

"Seunghun, you are a beat behind. Where's your mind at?" His dance teacher's scolding pulled him out of his running thoughts.

Thoughts around and about her. Always her.

"Sorry," he mumbled and tried not to think of Jieun.

But he saw her even when he closed his eyes.

Jieun was alive and awake yet she had never felt farther. Seunghun's messages went unread on her phone and he only knew what was happening to her from Jinah. It felt wrong. Weren't they supposed to be best friends? When had it all gone wrong?

When she had jumped? Or when Yonghee had done?

Or when he had fallen in love?

Seunghun felt like she was slipping through his fingers like sand. It was almost like he was losing her all over again. For real, this time.

People said that it was natural to drift apart with your friends after school, once you didn't see each other every day, but he couldn't let go. He knew it wasn't about him graduating. Jieun was avoiding him. Seunghun told himself that she must have needed time. She was one of the strongest people he knew and she hated when she was seen as weak or vulnerable, she must have resented that he had been with her in the hospital. But how could he have not? At least he had been close to her that way.

The day after Jieun got back from the mountains, Seunghun got a text in the middle of his teens class. It was one simple message:

Can we meet?

His heart thrummed like a traitor when he saw it. He was sweaty and tired, but he wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity.

They agreed to meet at the park they often hung out later that night. Seunghun was more nervous than he would have liked to admit. His hands got clammy again after taking a quick shower and water droplets were still falling from his hair when he jumped on the bus. He was drumming on his knees to the rhythm of his heart, a jumpy little dance.

He didn't know what to expect. After months of not talking to Jieun, he wasn't sure. After her not wanting him to see her, he got even more uncertain. He kept replaying their last conversation. The one Jinah had confirmed wasn't with her. The way Jieun had smiled at him, nudged him playfully and stolen his fries. It had been painfully normal. He had used to beat himself up over not noticing the signs but all of them had been a mess after what had happened with Yonghee and Seunghun  had been busy with his mother's funeral too. There had been a new norm after that, nothing had been the same, so nothing had felt out of the ordinary. Nothing had felt like ‘Yonghee all over again’.

Jieun was already there when he got to the park. She sat on a bench with her long hair falling onto her shoulders, moonlight shining on her fair skin beautifully. She wore her signature eyeliner and black nail polish which reminded Seunghun of times before she got to the hospital where she was pale and bare faced, looking young, innocent and so so fragile. Seeing her again like this knocked the air out of the boy.

"Hey," she looked up, straightening her spine a bit once she was aware of his presence. The small movement didn't sit well with Seunghun. They were closer than to act differently around each other… Or so he thought they were.

"Hey," he echoed and took the seat next to her, his hands gripping on the edge of the bench. It felt unreal, being so close to her again, and she was awake, warm and real. "You… you look better."

It was a clumsy compliment but Seunghun knew Jieun would have never let him get away with calling her pretty or something like that. She didn't like that and the boy never knew why but according to Jinah they were always compared based on their academics and looks too. Early signs of Jieun's rebellion came with her going against what their parents would have liked to see her as: the ideal, well-behaving, perfect little angel.

"Better than half-dead in the hospital? Jeez, thanks," the girl snorted and her tone made Seunghun wince. Joking with her almost dying wasn't funny to him. He didn't say anything though, so silence embraced them for an uncomfortable moment.

"I'm sorry," Jieun sighed eventually and she sounded sincere.

Seunghun wasn't sure why she apologized though. For the insensitive joke? For ignoring his messages? For not letting him visit her in the hospital once she was awake? Or for the reason she had been at the hospital in the first place? Nevertheless, Seunghun shook his head, not wanting her to blame herself.

"Don't be."

"I am," she insisted, her eyes intense when their gazes met. "I never wanted to hurt you."

The boy sucked in a breath.

He was at fault too: he cared too much. But he couldn't say it was okay nor he could say he wasn't hurt. He was so damn confused at the same time as he was just happy to have her back. Because she was back, right? She wouldn't disappear like that again?

He wanted to ask. He wanted to beg even though he didn't have the right to tell her what to do. He wanted her to stay, but they didn't talk about it, about the elephant in the room, since everything was still so fragile.

Instead Seunghun looked into her deep dark night of her eyes and smiled.

"I missed you," he said.

Stay with me, he wished.

"I missed you, too," she said with the smallest of genuine smiles in the corner of her mouth.

For then, it was enough.

Admittedly, Seunghun had feared that Jieun wanted to meet because she would have preferred to cut ties with him, that it would have been a goodbye, maybe her moving away or just trying to start a new life. He was terribly relieved when it turned out that she just didn't want to apologize over messages for being distant ever since she woke up. She just needed time and space and she didn't like the idea of him wasting his time beside her hospital bed like he had done with Yonghee, too. He wouldn't have called it a waste of time though, he'd had nothing better to do and he had wanted to be there for them. Since he hadn’t been able to help, this was something he could have at least done. But convincing Jieun something like this was a lost cause and he didn't want to argue. A part of him just wanted things to go back as they were but another part of him, the one that wasn't a coward, wanted to be mature about it and talk it through. But he was afraid Jieun would put her walls up and shut him out then and he didn't want to lose her. He knew how much she disliked that therapy already that she had to attend for a year.

So Seunghun did the next best thing he could think of: making sure Jieun had reasons to live. He started writing a list, a list that he hoped would never end, of things that he knew she wanted to do, achieve or see. Be it a band concert, a trip to Gangnueng or just a choker she bookmarked on her phone. He knew her well and long enough to easily come up with a dozen list items but the hardest part was being smooth enough at delivering these that Jieun wouldn't call him out on it.

Like when they were out late again one night and he thought using that excuse that he was hungry would be enough to suppress her doubts.

"It's just so random," she grumbled when he told her dinner would be on him. It wasn't even anything fancy, just bibimbap that she always loved.

"I wanted to take you out from my first paycheck but you weren't awake then, so here we are," he echoed the practiced explanation. Technically it wasn't even a lie, he had wanted to do that. But now he had one more reason to.

When they crossed an item off his unwritten list, Seunghun added two more points in its place. With time, it turned into a little bucket list about things he wanted to do with her. Hyunsuk teased him that it was almost like he was planning dates for them and Seunghun had to make him promise not to call them dates out loud in front of Jieun. So what if he wanted to try out the new bingsu place with her or watch falling stars together or discover old record stores? He just wanted to be with her.

He knew it was only a matter of time that Jieun noticed the pattern and actually said something about it and then it would end. Seunghun guessed she kind of already knew, she just entertained him by letting him throw in a new idea for every weekend. Sometimes she asked if he shouldn't have studied instead but eventually let him be after listening to his nonsense excuses like how taking a break would fuel his productivity eventually.

Seunghun thought he could act like nothing had happened. Because it seemed like this was what Jieun wanted.

But sometimes he just couldn't.

"Jinah told us that you went to a psychologist," he said quietly after they visited Yonghee and his steps halted when Jieun fell behind.

"She shouldn't have. She had no right," she snapped, sounding both cold and angry at the same time, brushing past him, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

It was exactly what Seunghun wanted to avoid, but the cat was already out of the bag, so he didn’t want it to be an affair to brush off. He caught up with the girl, grabbing her wrist just temporarily to stop her and slip in front of her vision.

"You could have told me," he added, quiet and gentle, and Jieun's anger seemed to fade. She always seemed to soften just a bit when it came to him. Maybe that was also a reason why he fell for her. Because she made him feel special.

"You were struggling already because of your mom on top of what happened with Yonghee," she reasoned and Seunghun wished that she would have been more selfish than that. How could she have thought that her struggles would have been too much on top of everything as if she mattered less to him?

The boy sighed, shaking his head.

"That's not the only reason," he argued because he knew her and she respected him enough not to deny.

"That's not the only reason," she agreed, keeping eye contact. Brave, brave Jieun, why was she so afraid of showing vulnerability as if it was a weakness? Didn't she know that he wouldn't have thought less of her because of something like that?

"Can you tell me now? What happened? I would have never thought that you…" Seunghun wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence and it was probably the worst timing and not the best location either. But at least the streets were vacant and they were the only people under this alcove. The stars would keep their secrets. 

"I wanted to know how Yonghee felt," Jieun shrugged, trying to play it off but Seunghun saw the nervousness in her movements, the way she put her weight from one leg to the other. “Was he scared? Was it fast? Did it hurt? Maybe if it was fast and painless, it would be easier to accept it.”

Seunghun imagined her walking over the bridge, watching the river rush by underneath her and thinking of Yonghee. Of the boy with the gentlest soul and all those bruises on his fair skin. He imagined her screaming and reckless, finding comfort in the dark and the waves. The impact of her jump held magnitudes. It could never be fast and painless, not for those who loved them.

“Do you know what was the last thing I told him?” Jieun asked but Seunghun didn’t answer.

How could he have known when she had never told him? What he knew was that she had gotten into an argument with Yonghee not much before he had left them. But that was nothing new, Jieun had got into her fair share of arguments with all of them, especially Byounggon, because she was like an ember, fierce and restless. Yonghee had known this, he had known that her words were sometimes harsher than she intended.

“I called him a coward. I told him he was weak. That if he wasn’t going to stand up for himself, it’s like he’s letting them kill him,” Jieun’s lips trembled and she looked away, her voice getting breathy. “We were his safe space and I made him feel like he was a disappointment. I…”

A sob escaped her. It was so sudden that Seunghun didn’t see it coming. He had never seen Jieun cry. Not at Yonghee’s funeral, not when she had broken her arm trying a skateboarding trick in their freshman year. Yet, it was like an instinct: winding his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace. He half-expected her to push him away, to build up the walls once again just to prove that she was strong and independent. But maybe, finally she knew that from time to time it was okay to be vulnerable, with the right people it wasn’t a bad thing.

“I… What if that was the last straw? What if it was like I pushed him over the edge?” She sobbed into his shirt and he held her tighter as if he could keep her together as she was spiralling down. He had no idea she held so much guilt and grief inside.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered into her hair and murmured other reassuring words while storing her back. Yes, they were all bystanders and maybe they could have offered help, could have pushed more but Yonghee had loved them and he insisted that he was okay. There was no way they could have known what had been going on behind his smiles.

Jieun cried for a long time. Years worth of tears dried up on Seunghun’s white tee as she pulled back and wiped away the rest from her cheeks.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you,” she sighed, her voice raspy from all that crying and the boy practically saw her build up her walls level by level as she composed her facial expressions and wiped away her smudged makeup. She was mentally running away, so the boy told her the only words he thought that could stop her.

"Jieun... you are the strongest person I know."

The girl blinked at him in disbelief, his reflection clear in her shiny eyes.

"Do you really still think that?" She asked ironically with the certainty of someone ragged and patched up, scars from her fall still fading into her pale skin. But to him, she had never been broken.

"Yeah, I really do," Seunghun nodded, convinced and genuine.

She had never looked stronger.

Seunghun was hovering over his textbooks in the pleasant warmth the coffee shop where Jinyoung worked provided when somebody stopped by his table. His first thought was the barista boy but the mellow female voice that greeted him proved him wrong. Even after months of knowing Jinah, sometimes the striking similarity of the twins still surprised him. Most likely because he had spent years without knowing about the other girl's existence. But now that he knew and the girl stopped pretending to be Jieun, it was also painfully obvious in just how many subtle ways they were different. It wasn't just about the lack of eyeliner – which Byounggon had noticed since day one –, but the way they styled their hair, the way they dressed or the way they talked. There was that warm smile on Jinah's face too that Jieun so rarely showed. Looking back it was impossible to not tell them apart.

"Hi, how's studying?" She asked, sounding sincerely curious as her fingers intertwined over her iced frappé.

"As okay as it can get,"  the boy shrugged, straightening his back, using her presence as an excuse to focus on something else other than the material. "And what are you doing here?"

"Just getting coffee while I wait for Gon to finish his shift," she explained and glanced at her watch, checking the time, before pointing at the chair across from Seunghun. "Can I join you until then?"

"Sure," the boy nodded, trying not to show any lingering awkwardness that remained from the time when she had been pretending to be Jieun. He wasn't angry at her anymore, he understood her reason no matter how wild it was but he still couldn't forget the confusion he had felt when he had thought he had been starting to lose Jieun to Byounggon only to realize that it hadn’t been her to begin with.

Small talk with Jinah wasn't as awkward as he thought though. He asked her about how she was holding up in the Korean summer weather and told her about his upcoming civil servant exam. Only when they seemed to run out of easy topics like that did she bring up her sister.

"Did Jieun tell you anything about Gon and me?" She asked, fidgeting with her napkin.

Seunghun furrowed his eyebrows. Why would they have talked about them? Was something up? Should he have known something? He thought things were going well.

"Uhm, no. Why?"

Jinah seemed a bit uncertain at the outright question. She was probably embarrassed to bring it up herself.

"She doesn't really like him, huh?" She whispered, tapping her nails against the glass. "And it's not like I need her approval but... she's still my sister, you know."

Well, Seunghun didn't know. He didn't have any siblings and up until last year he had no idea Jieun had. But after getting to know Jinah and their close bond with her twin despite being separated for years, he thought he understood why she felt that way.

"Jieun doesn't hate Byounggon or anything like that. They are just too similar in a way," he told her eventually, thinking of how vocal they both could be about their opinions, how fierce they could fight for their loved ones or how reckless they could be if they thought it was the right thing to do. They had similar enough personalities to clash because neither of them liked to be proven wrong... or seen vulnerable. They were the lone wolves that could lead packs. "Maybe the same reason why she doesn't think she is fit for happiness is why she would prefer if you stayed away from him."

Jieun was good at holding grudges but the one she forgave the hardest was herself. As if she didn't deserve it just because she made some honest-to-god mistakes.

"The same way she stays away from you?" Jinah asked and Seunghun's eyes widened, his ears on fire.

"Did she–"

"She didn't need to say anything, but I can tell that she is guarded whenever it's about you. She cares about you, a lot, but she doesn't want others to know," Jinah interrupted him before he could have asked and yeah, that sounded very much like Jieun. "While I was pretending to be her, I heard girls whispering that she didn't deserve you. That's also probably why she had 'bitch' written over her locker and who knows what else happened to her that made her think it would be a bad idea to… let you closer, I guess."

Seunghun hummed, more to himself than to her, his hands in fists, knuckles white in his lap. Was he a bad friend for not knowing about it? For thinking that something so petty couldn't get to Jieun?

He wasn't sure he had the right to ask more even if Jinah knew more, so he stayed silent and then watched Jinah's face brighten and following her gaze, he saw Byounggon by the door, with the same, small but happy smile on his face. They were so obviously in love that it made Seunghun wonder when it had stopped hurting for them.

Seunghun made a plan. It wasn’t a very thorough or foolproof plan but summer was ending and he really should have stopped being a coward. Life was short and he didn’t want to live with regrets.

He asked Jieun to meet at the playground in the park where they often hang out. This late it was empty and Seunghun was sitting on one of the two metal swings, enjoying the last of the summer breeze in his face. Jieun arrived with soft steps and a not so soft push on his swing. Her laughter that followed his yelp was a chime of bells in the night.

"So what's the occasion?" She asked, straight to the point, taking a seat next to him, not yet sensing his nervousness, so the boy decided it was better to just tip off the bandage.

"I thought we could get away from the city before you go back to school," he said once he was sitting up straight again. He reached into his backpack and handed her a return train ticket to Gangneung, her favorite beach town. She took it with a frown, her surprise morphing into something akin to embarrassment mixed with frustration. Not a good sign but the boy tried not to lose hope as he waited patiently for her to say something.

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to, I don’t know, trying to convince me that life is beautiful or whatever," Jieun scoffed but her fingers grazed across the paper ticket in her hands like it was something precious. Her addition almost sounded like resignation. "I don't want to die."

The not anymore echoed somewhere between them.

"I know. But I want to do these things with you," Seunghun insisted because it wasn't just about that. What happened to her made him realize that life was fragile and fleeting, he didn't have all the time in the world to wait around for a chance with her. He didn't want to procrastinate these plans anymore.

But it wasn't enough for Jieun, it never was. She liked logic and reasons and the truth.

"Why?" She asked firmly and Seunghun felt like he was held at gunpoint.

Because we are best friends sounded like a lie.

"I want to be the one you do these things with," he admitted and it sounded like a confession. He didn't plan it but his voice softened as he looked at her, his eyes were probably full of the longing he tried to hide so hard all these years because he knew she would reject him for a better or worse reason.

"Seunghun…" Jieun sighed and he thought this was it, she knew and she would reject him. Of course, she knew. He wasn't exactly subtle, even Jinah knew and she knew him for the least amount of time. Jieun looked at him and the boy held his breath, waiting for the blow. The invisible gun, aimed at his heart, fired. "You deserve better. I'm such a mess and a bad influence. You deserve a pretty girl who is kind and patient."

It didn't hurt as much as he expected. Jieun said nothing about her feelings or that his were ridiculous or one-sided. She just said what she thought was true because she had no idea how he saw her, how much he could thank her. She might not have been the conventional idea of pretty but to him, she was the prettiest. And bad influence? When it was her who pushed him to believe in himself and keep trying because he could do anything?

"I don't want anybody else," he said because he knew he couldn't have convinced her of anything else. “I like you.”

Jieun abruptly stood up from her swing and leaned over him, grabbing the metal chains to support herself just above his hands, her hair falling around them like a silk curtain and her warm breath fanning over his skin. Seunghun felt heat rush to his cheeks as he kept eye contact and warmth spread through his whole body from the point where her pinky brushed against his fingers.

"Why me?" Jieun asked and it was the most ridiculous question because the boy couldn't have said why it could not have been her.

The girl who had taken the blame when they had gotten caught being late from school because there had been a long queue for the waffle they had bought before classes. The one who had been there for more of his dance recitals than his own parents. The only one who had told him he could do it even when he hadn’t believed it. His safe place. His first love.

"It could never be anybody else," he whispered. He didn't mean it literally and she knew it. There were girls who had approached him before both in class and at the dance academy but he didn't care. To him, there was only Jieun.

"Idiot," she murmured but there was no edge to her words, only fondness. She sat back down on the swing next to him, feet kicking sand.

Seunghun turned to her, watching her expressions closely before he reached for her hand. First, he just tentatively held it, half-expecting Jieun to pull away, like she always did but when she didn't, he intertwined their fingers. They were both holding on.

What was love if not this? Feeling content just by sharing a space, this kind of closeness between two people? Knowing that by being vulnerable with them, they could hurt you and yet you willingly give them the power because you hope they wouldn't? Why? Because they love you too.

[monatice]

Guardian - Yoon Hyunsuk

Summary: You were about to go on a trip with CIX because you were close friends with Yonghee. You barely had any friends, so Yonghee made sure to bring you along on trips and no one ever minded. You just never knew that this trip would be so eventful.

It was a sunny day and your trip to Jeju Island with CIX would soon start. You were a friend of Yonghee and always spent time with them because beside them you had barely any friends. People around you didn’t like you because you were a nerd just like Yonghee. You loved solving math problems, and you knew random things about science. Not everyone liked that. Only Yonghee was by your side during school times. And now he would still take you along with him on trips with CIX.

So here you were standing outside their apartment building waiting for Seunghun to come downstairs. Jinyoung and Byounggon were already on the way to get some food at the convenience store a few miles away. You would join them in your car after Seunghun arrived. You were waiting with Hyunsuk and Yonghee in front of the car, playing on your phone. Yonghee and Hyunsuk were talking about some ideas for the trip regarding sightseeing. You were just half listening because whatever they planned you would join them. After all, no trip had ever been a disappointment. You were not so good at planning trips because you always wanted to see as much as possible but then got easily overwhelmed by all the options that were there. So, you were glad you had them to plan trips for you to come along with.

As you were waiting for Seunghun you suddenly saw in the corner of your eyes how Hyunsuk jumped forward and pulled you away from the street and closer to him. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him which made you collide with his chest. Yonghee was also alerted and when you looked up you saw Hyunsuk looking to the side. You followed his eyes and saw a car crashing into a building. Passing the spot, you were standing in a few seconds ago.

Hyunsuk just saved you from a terrible accident, that you would have probably not survived. Yonghee walked over to you. “Are you alright?” he looked shocked, and you nodded to ease his mind. He then took out his phone to probably call an ambulance and the police.

You looked at Hyunsuk who was already looking at you, removing his hand from your wrist. “Sorry, I had to grab you tightly.” Hyunsuk apologised but you shook your head. “It’s alright. You literally saved my life. If I’d still stood ther-“

Hyunsuk put his hand on your lips to interrupt you. “Don’t even dare to speak it out.”

You looked deeply into his eyes, and you didn’t know what to say. Hyunsuk looked away first and then turned to Yonghee who was smirking. You were not sure if he was smirking at you, for having a visible crush on Hyunsuk, or was he perhaps smirking at Hyunsuk. You couldn’t tell.

After a moment, Seunghun came downstairs and noticed the atmosphere. “Did I miss something?” he looked around and saw the car in the building. His eyes widened. “When did that happen?”

“A few moments ago, I almost got hit. But Hyunsuk saved me.” You explained.

Now it was Seunghun who smirked, which was weird because he could not know about your crush. Yonghee did because you told him. But Seunghun? You were not so close to him that you would tell him about that, even though you probably could do that and he would not tell anyone. But then you saw Hyunsuk glare at Seunghun who started to laugh. Could it be possible that you were not the only one who had a crush? Could it be that Hyunsuk also had feelings for you? Impossible.

“Can we leave?” you interrupted to not only change the topic but also the atmosphere.

Yonghee nodded and opened the door for you, and you sat down in the back seat. Seunghun sat down in the front seat, again grinning at Hyunsuk. Yonghee sat in the driver's seat, leaving Hyunsuk sitting in the backseat with you. You were not sure why you were suddenly nervous about it. It was not the first time you were sitting next to Hyunsuk. Perhaps it was the possibility that he had a crush on you, just like you had on him. Did that make you nervous?

You were opening your bag to look for your earphones, but you couldn’t find it. You must have sighed loudly as Yonghee asked if you were alright. “I must have forgotten my earphones. Now I can’t listen to music.” You groaned. It was something you loved the most about long trips. Watching the landscape pass by while listening to music. Watching the people outside the window live their lives, jumping around, dancing around or just sitting in their garden. And now you could not do that.

At least that was what you thought. You saw earphones being held in front of you. You looked up to see Hyunsuk offering his. “I don’t need mine right now. You can have them. I know you love to listen to music on long trips.” He smiled lightly.

You smiled. “Thank you.” You took them and took out your phone and started to play the music. This time to not only watch the world outside pass by but also to calm down your nerves and your beating heart.

At the next traffic light, you saw a familiar car next to you. You waved as you saw Jinyoung and Byounggon. They waved back and laughed. Jinyoung then called you. “Jinyoung, you’re interrupting my music.” You said, making everyone in the car laugh.

“I can sing to make it up to you.” He stuck out his tongue at you and you snorted. “I just wanted to let you know I have your favourite drinks. Shall I give it to you at the next gas station?” he held up the drink.

You smiled. “Yes, we will stop at the next gas station.” Jinyoung nodded and then your cars started again. You ended the phone call with Jinyoung and turned to Yonghee. “Jinyoung has a drink for me, can we stop at the next gas station for a second?” you asked.

“Of course, no problem.”

At the gas station, only you left the car to go to Jinyoung who was parking behind your car. He pulled down the window and held out the drink. “You’re an angel.” You said, taking a sip from the drink. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He gave you a pillow and you grinned. “I feel like a princess, today.” Jinyoung and Byounggon laughed. “Let’s go to Jeju Island, shall we, princess.” Byounggon jokingly added the nickname. “Be happy you are sitting away from me, or I would have hit you.” You said before leaving and returning to your car.

When you sat back into the atmosphere had completely changed. It was suddenly so thick, and no one was looking at each other. You were looking between the men, as Yonghee continued to the road. “What happened? I was gone for literally 2 minutes.”

But no one said, anything. “Alright…” you turned on your music again, and looked out the window, trying not to think about the bad atmosphere.

The whole car ride to Jeju Island, they stayed quiet, and no one said anything. You silently gave Hyunsuk your earphones. “Thank you again.” You smiled lightly, leaving the car. You walked over to Jinyoung. He looked at you. “Are you alright?”

“They are acting weird. Ever since the gas station, they haven’t talked with each other. Not even to me.” You looked back at the three who were taking out their suitcase from the truck. Yonghee and Seunghun walk to the hotel, talking with each other again. “I have to get my suitcase as well.” You said to Jinyoung before walking back to the car. Jinyoung and Byounggon already leaving for the hotel as well.

Hyunsuk looked at you and just wanted to help with your suitcase, but you were faster taking it out. “Will you close the car?” you asked Hyunsuk who was just nodding. He was acting weird. What happened in the short time you were talking with Jinyoung? You approached the hotel and heard Hyunsuk behind you.

“Jinyoung, Byounggon you two take a room?” Yonghee asked. The two hugged each other. “Yes.” Yonghee laughed. “Seunghun, you go with Hyunsuk?” Seunghun nodded, not as happy as Jinyoung and Byounggon. Yonghee held the key to you. “I hope you won’t mind us sharing.” You shook your head. “We have shared rooms before.” You took the key and the suitcase. Yonghee met Hyunsuk's eyes and turned around to join you.

Jinyoung turned to Hyunsuk. “Why don’t you tell her how you feel?”

Seunghun looked at Jinyoung. “Don’t. We already had that conversation in the car, it didn’t end well.” Seunghun took his bag and walked to the hotel room.

“How am I supposed to do that? I mean she probably likes Yonghee. They were close since school.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at Hyunsuk. “She is head over heels in love with you, and if you don’t see that. Look closely. Look how she looks at Yonghee, and how she looks at you.” Jinyoung said.

Byounggon nodded, “Her eyes are shining whenever you say anything. She smiles every single time you talk about something you love.” Byounggon added.

Hyunsuk sighed and nodded, following Seunghun to the room. “Hyung… I am sorry. I didn’t want to snap at you earlier. I was scared she could hear us.”

Seunghun nodded. “Even if, she would at least know how you feel. Perhaps she would have the courage to confess when you don’t.”

“How are you all so sure?” Hyunsuk sat down on the bed.

“Yonghee. He once told me, accidentally.” Seunghun explained. “And Jinyoung and Byounggon, probably see how she is looking at you.”

Hyunsuk looked up at Seunghun, who met his eyes. “Hyung?” Seunghun raised an eyebrow as an answer. “Do you think you can help me get her alone for a short moment? Perhaps at the beach?” Seunghun smiled. “Of course. With Yonghee’s help.”

You got comfortable in your room and listened to some plans Yonghee were thinking of doing.

“(Y/N)?” Yonghee then said. You turned to him. “How about we go to the beach? I have to unpack a little more, but perhaps you could go already. I saw you looking at the beach earlier.”

You smiled. “I have to unpack as well.” You turned back around but Yonghee took the sweater from your hand. “I will unpack for you. Enjoy the beach, take some photos.” He poked your nose and you chuckled.

“Okay.” You smiled, took your jacket, and left the room. Yonghee smiled and did unpack before going to the window, seeing Hyunsuk at the beach, and you slowly approaching.

Seunghun, Jinyoung and Byounggon entered Yonghee’s room and smiled while they also looked out the window.

As you approached the beach you saw Hyunsuk. You were confused, but you smiled.

Hyunsuk looked at you and approached you. “I think you know now why Yonghee insisted on you leaving alone?”

You chuckled. “Well, I know why, but I also don’t.”

Hyunsuk laughed. “You will. Just. Just give me a moment.”

You nodded. “Shall we go closer to the water?” you suggested and Hyunsuk nodded.

“I think you saw Seunghun and Yonghee smirk earlier when I saved you from the car?” Hyunsuk looked at you.

“Yes, they were not very subtle about it.” You explained.

“They have a reason,” Hyunsuk said and took a deep breath. “They know that I fell in love with you. And they know I was always terrified to tell you.” Hyunsuk admitted.

You stopped walking and looked at Hyunsuk who turned to you as he noticed you stopped walking. “You, what?”

“I fell in love with you, (Y/N). Head over heels actually.” Hyunsuk repeated. “I fell in love with how you look when you were listening to music and watching the landscape pass by. I fell in love with how your eyes started to shine whenever you were talking about some scientific facts. I fell in love with the way your laugh sounded, the funnier the joke, the harder your laugh. I fell in love with how you loved the rain and how you were never missing the opportunity to dance in it.” Hyunsuk confessed.

You felt your cheeks heating up, but you had to ignore it. In front of you stood the man you fell in love with, confessing to you, in the perhaps most beautiful way. You had to take all the courage to not mess this up.

“I fell in love with you too, Hyunsuk.” You heard yourself say.

Hyunsuk looked at you, and his smile grew. “Really?”

You approached him, and instead of taking steps away from you, he stood there watching your every step. “Really.” You responded. “I fell in love with your laugh, your voice and how you always cared for your friends. I loved you for a while, and Yonghee knew the whole time. I am pretty sure everyone knew it, except you.”

Hyunsuk chuckled. “Everyone did know, except me.”

You joined his laughing. Hyunsuk cupped your face and looked into your eyes. You did not remove your gaze from his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” Hyunsuk asked.

You smiled. “You never have to ask for permission, Hyunsuk.”

This was all he needed to lean in for the kiss. You kissed him back by putting your arms around his waist. He put one of his hands through your hair, lingering at the back of your head. The other hands wandered to your waist. You both smiled into the kiss, not wanting to break it but eventually did as you heard both of your phone’s ring at the same time.

You laughed. “How much do we want to bet, it’s them in the group chat, watching us.”

Hyunsuk laughed as well. “We don’t have to bet. It is them for sure.”

You both took out your phones and saw the messages:

Seunghun: Finally!

Jinyoung: How cuuuuuute. Look at our maknae.

Byounggon: Our maknae grew up way too fast.

Yonghee: Good luck you two! Hyunsuk, break her heart and I break your bones.

You laughed.

“Yonghee is protecting you very well. Just know from now on, you have me to do that as well. And I don’t plan to ever hurt you” Hyunsuk said.

You grinned. “I know. Let’s go back and have dinner with them.”

Hyunsuk nodded and took your hand, intertwining your fingers. “Come, my love.” He grinned, as you smiled.

You loved him, more than you could ever describe it in words. And you knew, whatever life had in store, with him by your side, everything was going to be okay.

CIX Masterlist | @kbookshelf

[leejeongz]

I don't know if you're still active or...but can you please do cix reaction to s/o always asks for permission to kiss them even tho they been dating for 2-3 months thank you💕 I really enjoyed your writings❤️

cix reaction to you asking for permission to kiss them

pairing: boyf!cix x gn!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of consent (positively!), mentions of food (bx)

a/n: thank you so much! i really appreciate your compliment 🥺🫶🏼

bx ･:，｡★ﾟ

waiting in line for your ice cream, byounggon noticed you getting a little nervous.

“i’ll order for you, tell me what you want,” he reassured.

“really? thank you! can i have strawberry, with strawberry sauce and lots of multicoloured sprinkles, please?” you asked excitedly as he nodded, rehearsing your order in his head. “can i also maybe,” you started to get shyer as your sentence went on, capturing you boyfriend’s attention once again, “give you a kiss? just a little peck, or more, only if it’s okay.”

he smiled, his bottom lip protruding a little involuntarily at your cuteness. his arm wrapped around your waist as he pulled you in closer, looking down at you and giggling.

“of course you can, baby, you don’t have to ask.”

he leaned in towards you as you thanked him under your breath. his free hand came up to cup your face, stroking his thumb gently over your ear as your lips met, a safe and familiar feeling for the both of you.

other members below the cut

seunghun ･:，｡★ﾟ

you sneezed violently into the tissue that your boyfriend had handed to you merely seconds before.

“that was impressive, y/n,” seunghun laughed, extending the trash can towards you as you wiped your nose. “hay fever got you bad this year?”

you shook your head “this is mild,” you started to feel another sneeze coming on, but it soon passed. “sometimes, my eyes swell up so much that i can’t even see.” he stroked your hair as you spoke, only able to imagine how horrible it must feel. you wiped your watery eyes with a clean tissue and began to speak once again “but since it’s not contagious… can i have a kiss? pleaseeeee?” you begged, feeling sorry for yourself.

seunghun’s elbow propped him up on the bed next to you, his other hand tickling at your torso. “i appreciate you asking,” he smiled, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to your plump lips “but next time, you can just dramatically pull me in and kiss me, got it?”

jinyoung ･:，｡★ﾟ

peeling the face mask off your face, jinyoung paused, “you know, you’re naturally really really pretty.”

you blushed, smiling shyly but trying to hide it because you knew he’d tease you for it. “you’ve never noticed that before?” you ask, feigning an eye roll.

“every day,” he continued to peel the sheet mask and eventually dropped it into the bin, “but i feel like i don’t tell you enough.”

“jinyoung, can i kiss you?” you asked another question, this one taking him by surprise.

he leaned in, answering with actions, placing his lips on your own and whispering something inaudible. you puckered as his lips gently moved against yours and, only a few milliseconds later, he did the same.

“just do it next time, silly,” jinyoung smirked, his thumb stroking over your hand as you pulled away from the kiss.

yonghee ･:，｡★ﾟ

you took the cuddly octopus in your arms, squeezing it tightly and smiling with pure joy. “thank you so much, i love it!”

yonghee patted your head “it’s adorable, just like you.”

you looked up to your boyfriend, flashing him a beaming smile “yonghee, i could kiss you right now!”

he smiled back at you, butterflies erupting in his stomach at the thought of you initiating a kiss.

“can i?” you added and he nodded his head. you got onto your tiptoes and pressed a delicate, yet meaningful peck to his lips, shortly followed by another.

“i should do that more often, look how shy you’ve become, so cute!” you pointed to the pink cuddly toy in your arms to mimic the colour of his cheeks.

“please do. and next time, you don’t have to ask, that will make me more flustered i think.”

hyunsuk ･:，｡★ﾟ

“i missed you!” you hooked your hand over hyunsuk’s shoulder as best you could considering the height difference, walking along the rocky path leading to the lake, the prettiest date you could have ever imagined.

“it’s only been two days… but i missed you too.” he giggled, awkwardly reaching out for your hand which obviously wasn’t there.

you pulled at his shoulder slightly, gently so that he wouldn’t get hurt but still enough to turn him to face you as you continued to walk.

“can i give you a kiss? i’ve just miss you soooo much,” you asked, a radiant smile beaming across your face as hyunsuk reciprocated.

hyunsuk veered you both to the grassy part next to the path, your hand fell perfectly into his as you stood to your tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

“do you think you could kiss me more often?” hyunsuk asked, whispering so that no passerby could hear his question.

“sure!”

[blossominghunnie]

𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞!

Pairing: Yoon Hyunsuk x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, established relationship, smau + written

Summary: Hyunsuk thinks you couldn’t see him on his birthday, the truth is you’re organizing him a surprise party.

Warning: None

Notes: I finally wrote my bub an imagine. 🤭❤️ Happy b-day to the loml. ❤️

The timer of the oven went off, Y/n put her phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed a towel to take the two molds out.

She stacked them and started decorating, She wrote a ‘Happy Birthday, bubs 🤍’ on the center.

Y/n wasn't a professional baker but liked baking certain pastries since she was a teen. It was a hobby she enjoyed.

When she finished, she placed it carefully on a white box that had a ribbon. She took her bag, phone and car keys and walked out of the door, making sure to lock her apartment.

Then entered the elevator that went to the underground parking lot.

She opened the trunk and put the cake inside.

After that she entered the car, and put her bag on the passengers seat. Y/n connected her phone to the Bluetooth, and Sunshower by Epex started playing.

With that, she began her journey towards her boyfriend's dorm which was only 10 minutes away.

He certainly was gonna be surprised, because the last thing he knew was that she had a huge project she had to submit the next day and that was why she couldn't hang out.

Once she arrived, she parked right in front of the building. She took all of her things and entered the place.

She hopped on the elevator and went up to the 4th floor.

The doors opened and she bounced towards the familiar door. She knocked and a smiley Seunghun opened it.

“Y/n! You’re just on time.” He let her in and took the box.

“Thanks. I’m glad, I thought I was going to be late because of the cake. It took me longer to decorate it than I anticipated.” She set her bag on the couch. “Hi, Gon.” The girl greeted the older as soon as she saw him coming out of the kitchen.

“Hey, Y/nnie.” He smiled at her. “Baejin just told me they’ll be here in 20 minutes.”

“Okaay. Do you guys need help with anything?”

“Not really. We just finished decorating and the food is almost ready.”

“Oh, okay.”

The three of them sat on the living room coach and conversed for a while until Byounggon’s phone dinged.

“They’re on the elevator.”

“I’ll go hide. Don’t snitch on me.” She giggled and pointed playfully at them. Both of her friends laughed and nodded.

She ran to the nearest closet and closed the door just in time for the principal door to open.

“Happy birthday, Hyunsukie!” She heard the boys yell.

“Thanks, guys! What’s all of this?”

“Just as a small surprise party for our sweet maknae.” Gon responded.

“Okaaay.” Hyunsuk thought there was something going on since the leader sounded a little bit nervous and sweeter than usual but brushed it off.

“Come sit, we made your favorite.” Seunghun sounded like a mother, which, honestly, was so cute.

Y/n heard footsteps leaving the area she was in. As she heard chairs being dragged, she thought it was time to come out.

She tiptoed her way towards her boyfriend. Four out of five guys knew of her presence and were trying so hard not to laugh or being suspicious.

She put her hands over his eyes making him smile.

“Hyung, what do you think you’re doing?” He laughed.

“It’s not me, Sukie.” Yonghee giggled.

“Oh. Is it…” He touched her hands. “Y/n?” He sounded confused.

“Maaaybe.”

He turned around and when he saw her his face lit up.

“Sweetie!” He got up and hugged her tightly.

“Hi baby, happy birthday.” She had a fond look on her face.

“Thank you, love.” He still held her. “W-what are you doing here? I thought you had that very important project for tomorrow.”

“There was never a project, bubs. I needed time to make your gift” She didn’t reveal what it was. “And did you really think I wasn’t going to be with you on your birthday?”

“I thought it was weird since we always celebrate it together but understood that you were busy.”

“Oh my god, you’re so precious.” He giggled and turned red. Y/n hugged him tighter.

“I have go get your gift but I don’t want to let you go.” The girl spoke as she looked into his eyes with a pout.

“We can cuddle afterwards, love.”

“Okay, I accept.” They laughed softly.

Hyunsuk stopped holding her and she walked to the kitchen and took the cake out of the fridge.

She looked for candles and a lighter. She placed them on the top and lit them.

She returned to the dinning room with the dessert on her hands, a huge smile on her face. And placed it in front of her boyfriend.

They all sang Happy Birthday to the birthday boy while he thought how lucky he was to have that group of people in his life.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Cix masterlist || Main masterlist

[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

What do you think makes cix horny?? Like what do you think makes them want to pin you against a wall 😳

Cause ngl I feel like even the quiet ones would have their moments

Byounggon: When you dress up, specially for him. Whether that's lingerie or an off-the-shoulder dress for a dinner party, he feels touched (and turned on) by the effort you put in for him. He always thinks you're gorgeous, but it's really a whole other level when you pamper yourself and really feel beautiful. He loves the idea of tainting the perfect look you've got going on. Messing up your hair, smudging your lipstick, sucking bruises onto your flawless skin. Though he'd like to make his intentions known right away, he usually makes himself wait, because the longer he thinks about it, the more eager he is when the timing actually comes about—and that leads to a fun night. All of his usual inhibitions are thrown out the window, 'cause as the outfit would entail... It's a special night.

Seunghun: Honestly, this dude's always good to go—any time, any place—so he just kinda follows your lead. If you're horny, so is he. Overall, it's gotta be your eyes that do it for him. If you give him The Look™ from across a crowded room or while standing in the doorway watching him strip out of his sweaty practice clothes, he can't help but smirk to himself like, "Yeahhhhh, she's into me," as if you aren't already dating. His mood can change in two seconds flat. He can be the sweetest, cuddliest teddy bear of a boyfriend, but the moment you send him signals, softness is the farthest thing from his mind.

Yonghee: I have a long-standing theory that Yonghee has sensitive ears, so pretty much anything you whisper to him sends shivers down his spine and sets his skin on fire—especially if it's a compliment. If you lean over during a dinner with the guys and say, "you look really good", even if it's completely innocent, he'll still feel his entire body tense up. It's a combination of things. Your fly-aways tickling his cheek and neck, the proximity, your warm breath against the sensitive shell of his ear, the fact that you always manage to smell so damn good. He really can't get enough of you, and that's on a normal day. He can usually calm himself and hold himself back pretty well, but imagine how crazy things get when you're specifically trying to turn him on.

Jinyoung: When you swear. He can't really pinpoint what it is, but when you swear during a rant, because you splashed some hot oil on your arm, or at him, blood goes rushing straight between his legs. He feels kinda bad about it sometimes, because swearing the way he likes means you're either annoyed, hurt, angry, or upset—but you always seem to feel much better after he helps your relieve your stress, so he can't feel too bad about it. But seriously though, if you're telling him to 'put his fucking socks in the laundry basket, 'cause he's a grown man and it's not that hard', he's pinning you to the wall and shoving his tongue down your throat real fast. He always slips into kicked puppy mode afterwards and apologizes though, 'cause he doesn't want you to feel like he's invalidating your feelings—you're just really sexy to him, in everything you do.

Hyunsuk: He's a simple man. Legs. Wear shorts or a skirt and he's already so far gone, it's almost embarrassing. You're not even trying to be sexy, you're just going about your day, yet he can't even control himself. Once he's comfortable with you and your relationship, he's not afraid to tell you when he's feelin' spicy, but he's also totally cool if you're not in the mood. If you let him cuddle with you and rub your legs, he'll be equally as satisfied (though he will playfully pout and say he's been cockblocked by his own girlfriend). Another thing that gets him going is when he sees you having fun without him. The independence and—in a way—your lack of reliance on him just really turns him on. He wants to make you need him.

[yunhohours]

cix reaction: sending them nudes

Request: cix reacting to you sending them nudes ??

♡⃕  Byounggon

Tbh he probably is the one asking you to send him nudes dsfsdfs. It's interesting because he gets the most shy about receiving them, but he wants them the most. He'll pout to you via text about having a tiring day and how he just needs something to make his day better :( Coaxes additional nudes out of you by saying things like "i can't see your pretty legs enough 🥺️" or "i need a kiss too 🥺️" and who are you to not baby him? He's adorable. Will literally pout to you when he sees you about "how was i supposed to think about anything else and be productive today when you sent me things like that 🥺️" as if he isn't the one that asked for them. On the occasion that you surprise him with nudes, he's walking around with hearts around his head all day and flushed cheeks that make it blaringly obvious that he's up to something. Doesn't send nudes back. It's very much a him-centered comfort thing. And while that may sound bad on paper, it's actually quite precious in practice. You love how needy he is for you and he loves being wrapped around your finger.

‎♡⃕  Seunghun

It takes everything in him not to show the photos to everyone within his immediate location. He would never consider it with full nudes, but if it's something like lingerie or a sexy outfit, he is so so so so tempted to show everyone how perfect you are and, by proxy, how lucky he is. Will call or video chat you two seconds after you get the read receipt. He's practically kicking his feet and twirling his hair over you. He's obsessed. If you're on a video call, he'll ask you to show him more while he watches with heart eyes and a bright smile that simply will not go away. He makes sure to finish everything he has to do that day as quickly as possible so he can come to you. Isn't shy about letting you know how much you affect him and how much he wants you. Sends you a nude back after you get off the call because he knows you won't be expecting it by then. He wants to tease and play with you for a while. He needs to know you want him just as badly. As if you sending him nudes in the first place wasn't evidence enough.

‎♡⃕  Yonghee

Your #1 fan </3 He is in complete awe of you. He may get a little shy if other people are around, but he pushes past it to shower you in every praise imaginable while also being a little playful. He notices everything. He's complimenting the lighting, the way your leg is angled just so, how soft your skin looks. The playfulness comes in the form of questions: what made his pretty baby decide to send him these gorgeous photos? What do they want from him when he comes home? What were they thinking about when taking the photos? He's making you blush and you're the one that sent him nudes! He will send voice notes if he's able. He doesn't usually send nudes back, but he does usually send something. Could just be a normal selfie with his reaction conveyed via facial expression, could be a photo of him from the neck down to show you what he's wearing to ignite your imagination, could be a photo of him exposing whatever part of skin of his he knows drives you craziest (collarbone, a peek of skin above his belt).

‎♡⃕  Jinyoung

The type to just silently bite his lip, look for a few seconds with a smile brewing, and then put his phone in his pocket without replying right away. Will have his read receipts on so you know he saw it. He knows you'll be eagerly awaiting his response and he finds it fun making you wait for it. He's also attempting to formulate the perfect response that seems nonchalant but doesn't make you feel rejected. He likes to play it cool like that. He'll text back like 30 minutes later and all he'll say is "Oh?" Conveys intrigue while still maintaining his unbothered image. Does not send nudes back... ever. He'll call you when he has time and talk to you like it never happened just so he can hear the frustration in your voice. He can't stop smiling to himself. If you whine to him enough when you see him, he'll indulge you. It becomes routine for you to have this exact type of interaction. You become addicted to trying to pull more of a reaction out of him each time and he becomes addicted to the foreplay of it all.

‎♡⃕  Hyunsuk

Spends 5 seconds with wide eyes and flushed cheeks because he can't believe his eyes. He's convinced during that short frame of time that every single person can see what's on his phone screen above his head or something. He feels exposed. He quickly comes back down to earth, though, and once he realizes that literally no one else knows unless he shows them, he's so cocky and excited to play with you. Sends multiple texts in a row ranging from gushing over your beauty to expressing how grateful he is for you to telling you to send him more. He will spend all day going back and forth with you, challenging himself to not make it too obvious around everyone else. Likes the thrill of it. Doesn't usually send nudes back unless he feels like you've "earned it." You'll either have to persuade him well enough and/or follow his instructions to get that prized nude (and often times... it's just a lewd). He loves to tease you like that so you're practically foaming at the mouth by the time you see him. And then he'll play so innocent like he doesn't know why—

[yong-jelly]

who do you think is the most to least being comfortable being fwb with y/n in cix?

MTL FWB | masterlist

warnings: nsfw! (minors dni)

most

hyunsuk - he'd be very open to having a fwb relationship. it might even be his preferred relationship. he thinks it's much easier just fucking when it's convenient and he wouldn't have any problems with catching feelings unless it was someone he was truly interested in as a person.

jinyoung - he can easily separate love and lust. i feel like he'd be good at setting boundaries and what he expects from the arrangement as well as taking into account what the other person wants as well. he'd definitely be the best at maintaining a no-strings-attached situation.

seunghun - he'd only be fwb with someone who he is already very close friends with. he strikes me as the type to want some sort of connection when having sex, even if it's not romantic. he wouldn't be fwb with just a random stranger.

byounggon - to be frank, he would catch feelings way too easily. he gets attached pretty quickly and at some point, he wouldn't be able to just be your fuck buddy anymore. he'd try to push his feelings aside, but once he starts to like someone, there is no going back.

yonghee - he gives me pretty traditional vibes. not cut and paste, but he for sure would only want to have a sexual relationship with someone he's seeing romantically. he thinks that sex should be intimate and personal, so he wouldn't want anything that wouldn't provide emotional fulfillment as well!

least

[boysplanetrecaps]

The BUILD UP BRAPPIES, 3x3 Death Match edition

Time to take a another brief break from my MNET Build Up Recap Project to hand out some BRAPPY Awards for Excellence in the Field of Excellence! In this post, I’ll be giving out BRAPPIES based on how everyone did in the 3x3 Death Match Mission. Let’s go!

Before we dive in to the BRAPPIES, I just want to say thanks again for being part of this! I enjoy shows like this more if I spend time on them, because otherwise they just sort of go in one eye and out the other, so thanks for hanging out with me while I do.

Favorite Performance Overall

And the BRAPPY goes to...

Bad News!

I mean, my overall favorite (Bain) on a team with two other favorites, performing a great song by my favorite rookie group…? And doing well? And all three of them surviving? YES! 

Favorite Song Discovery

This was tough because there were two really sharp contenders -- Nakka by Akmu, which I have had stuck in my head since I watched the show, and Enough by Hoppipolla, which I listened to in a one-hour loop twice through while working online. 

And the BRAPPY goes to…

Nakka by Akmu!

“Wow, BPR-Noona chose our song as the one she was happiest to find out about via watching Build Up! That’s such a surprise because I’ve never heard of Build Up or BPR Noona! But I guess it’s nice to win another award. We’ll put it on the shelf with the others and then eventually turn it into a cat toy. We’ll get a cat just so we can make it a cat toy. Thanks!” 

Favorite Performance of a Song I Don’t Like:

I’m going to give this one to Pray. I find the song itself a bit meh, but their performance was impeccable. 

Honorable mention: Fever 

Best stage outfits:

And the BRAPPY goes to…

Jeup’s team, specifically, Jeup! 

Jeup, would you like to accept the award?

Oh, you don’t want it?

That’s cool, it’s just an AI generated image anyway. See you later! 

Worst Stage Outfits:

Team Sweeties, with their paper towel blazers. 

I just don’t understand the thinking. There had to be other white outfits that wouldn’t have looked quite so… absorbent. 

Oh no, Sunyoul, don’t look at me like that!

Ok, I’m sorry. I’ll give it to Neon’s team instead. Neon’s sweater was inexplicable, and they all just sort of look like they’re wearing whatever they happened to be wearing today. 

Oh no, they’re sad now.

Well as long as Sunyoul is happy, I’m happy. 

Performance Helped Most By Song Choice:

And the BRAPPY goes to….

Team Underestimated for Enough.

I think these are all really great singers, and I also know they didn’t even win, but I think that this song is part of what helped them almost make it, and what weighed in to the judges’ decision to save Woong. 

Performance Hindered Most By Song Choice:

And the BRAPPY goes to: Team Forest! It seems obvious that the song was a bad choice overall and allowed only Sanghyun to really sing well, which was bad for the team as a whole. But hold on, team Forest -- there’s another Brappy coming your way….

Teammate Most Screwed Over By a Teammate:

And the BRAPPY goes to: Neon and Taewoo! They were both royally screwed over by Sanghyun, who would not go out of his extremely limited comfort zone and then managed to get all three of them eliminated. Thanks, Sanghyun! Thanghyun. 

Don’t worry, I’ll mail those Brappies out to you soon. 

Team Most Screwed Over By The Team Itself:

And the BRAPPY goes to...

Team Maknae!

Don’t get me wrong -- I think this was a great team. All three of them are great singers and their voices blend well. I just think judges are biased against young members and automatically discount them. If they had been split up amongst different teams, I think they would have had better outcomes, and we might have able to keep Joohee somehow. 

Biggest Glow Up from Previous Round:

And the BRAPPY goes to…. Seunghun!

Seunghun looks great in a suit and that shade of ash-blonde suits him pretty well. (I think he looks even better with his original dark hair, but still, he is just looking great over all!) 

Honorable mention: Bain

I think this is the best he’s looked this whole series. As his hair gets less orange, he gets more handsome. 

Best judging face

So many great nominees for this one! 

Wendy during Fever

Solar during Pray

VCG during Bad News

Eunkwang during Forest

Baekho watching Geonu dance:

And the BRAPPY goes to…

This was tough, you guys, but I had to give it to Baekho for just… expressing the truth about Geonu’s dancing. 

Hey, how do you feel about this blog, Baekho?

Aww, you’re so welcome! Anything else?

Oh, if you have to go, you have to go. Sorry your shirt fell off. See you later!

Most Irritating Judging Moment:

It’s a tie: (1) when they gave the win to Team Taco over Team Maknae, and (2) when they decided not to save Neon. Fuck that shit. 

Honorable mentions: Not saving Park Joohee.

Best Sweater:

And the BRAPPY goes to…

This fuzzy delight, worn by Jeon Woong! 

Honorable mention for obvious reasons:

Team That Seemed To Have the Most Fun:

Obviously, Team Taco. 

Team That Probably Cried The Most:

The BRAPPY goes to Sunyoul’s team, since they had to change from Piano Man to Drawing Our Moments at the last minute.

Biggest Coat-tail Rider:

Geonu again. 

Baekho, what do you think?

Yeah. Yeah, I know. 

Funniest judging moment:

And the BRAPPY goes to…

When Baekho told Jeup he’ll “lose his muscles” if he keeps crying. 

I feel like there’s a certain… theme to my BRAPPY awards? But I can’t quite put a finger on what it is. 

Oh, Jeup put a finger on it. Thanks, buddy. 

Best Dahee moment:

The moment she decided to wear this. Whatever this is. 

I love her. 

But also when she was so happy for Team Badnews when they got so much praise from the judges:

Ok, that’s it for the BRAPPIES for this round!

See you soon! <3 Click here for the next one: Drowning.

[quokkabite]

BIAS TAG GAME

Tagged by: @the-strange-world (like a week ago, so sorry 😅)

like i always say, I love! doing these so here we go

Rules: you're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10, then answer the questions below. Try not to look at the questions before you make your list!

1. Rowoon (SF9)

2. Han (Stray Kids)

3. Seunghun (CIX)

4. Jacob (The Boyz)

5. Changmin (TVXQ!)

6. Changbin (Stray Kids)

7. Jaeyoon (SF9)

8. Kai (Exo)

9. Sunwoo (The Boyz)

10. Taeyong (NCT)

(this was actually really hard 😭 I wasn’t able to include everyone so I just picked randomly- except for the first two 💀)

Questions! (and answers)

Between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

7! Jaeyoon! He was my second ever bias (following Rowoon)

Between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

Han Jisung 😍 (Not me accidentally pitting the two Stray Kids members against each other omg) I’m extremely attached to both of them!! I cant choose, I’m sorry, eight is fate don’t you know that 😭

If you were to spend one day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

ROWOON- I’m so sorry Seunghun but I don’t even have to think twice. I will spend that day making him realize that he’s in love with me. I think it’d be really nice to just walk around honestly. You know, talk, get coffee (it’s totally not a date don’t even think that 🙄)

What is your favorite physical feature about 9?

Can I say everything? Man is freaking beautiful. If I have to choose one though… I’m sorry I really tried to choose one but I kept thinking of a million different things. So ‘everything’ is my final answer.

What is your favorite part of 6’s personality?

Oh my god. Another ‘everything’ answer. he’s just *dreamy sigh* 🥰 I’m so annoying, I know. But like come on. Okay for this one I really will say if I have to pick just one… it would be the outgoing part of his personality. His mbti is literally entertainer and he really is. Literally no matter what I watch of him I always end up with a smile on my face, and one of my favorite stray kids moments is “now i’m so sensitive because i’m so hungry!” He’s just loud and obnoxious in the best way and… yeah ☺️

If you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what would you tell them?

mhhhh 🤔 I think I would tell Kai that he’s an amazing dancer and that he sets the precedent for so many to follow. i’d tell him that his passion shows and so does his kindness and that i’m really grateful that he can and does share his talent with us…. and i’d tell him that teleportation is the best superpower 😌😌

Between 1 and 2 who’s closet would you raid?

well, either way, my boyfriends are supposed to share their hoodies with their partner, right 💀💀 Let me say, I absolutely LOVE both of their styles. It fits them each so perfectly. I feel like ro is sharp lines, long and slender and elegant to fit his frame and ji is oversized hoodies and baggy pants and soft and excess comfort. So in terms of me adopting said style, I’d go for hannie. He’s definitely more in my comfort zone.

What is a style you want to see 3 try?

I don’t know if this is like style of music or fashion style or something else but i’ll go with fashion? Even though I know nothing about fashion 💀 I do know I liked his save me, kill me performance mv (<- go watch 😤) fit. with the asymmetrical black and white shirt. so anything that is similar to that is a-okay 😌👌 I also feel like he would do great in adopting a similar style to Rowoon. I mean, he’s got a similar slender frame even though he’s not as tall as ro. but idk I think it’d look good 🤷‍♀️

Between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

Jacob! I’m 5’7, he’s 5’9 (Changmin is 6’1)

Between 10 and 9, who’s music do you like the best?

I think i’d have to say taeyong! I really really really like his solo stuff.

Wow 😅 that was a lot of work! But super fun to think about everyone like this!!

I’m gonna tag but I know it’s a lot so no pressure!! @silentcry-skz @letsmpuppy @chogiwa6192