#what changed my mind is that i picked a hobby as a career and college ruined any and all fire i had in me. i don't wanna know what a job

[eerna]

at 16 I saw Yato's "don't stress about picking the perfect career because doing something you don't wanna do is part of having a job" and felt comforted, at 19 I was like "man, he has no idea what he's talking about, if you pick a hobby for your career you won't work a day in your life!!" and now at 24 I am back to the first one but in a "YEAAAAH DON'T DREAM OF LABOR SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKKKKK" way

[kiefbowl]

so happy you're changing careers, i always hoped you'd be able to do something more exciting :) i admire how these things don't seem to intimidate you, because to me the job market is terrifying lol

if you don't mind me asking what did you go to school for, and would you have picked something different nowadays?

Film and Video, and maybe I would have. I think my time at college was not well mentored, a realization I had throughout college as I met more people who had parents, teachers, etc. who helped prep them for their time in college (for better or for worse) and as the vision of what I was "supposed" to be doing in college came into clearer focus. When you're six months from graduating, kind of terrifying if I'll be real! But I'm 1000% positive my story is not unique. If I had been better prepared to be a student trying to gain experience to enter the job market, I would have probably studied something else OR I would have used my time better in my degree to actually prepare for that career. I probably could have been happy doing video things, it's just by the time I was close to graduating, the idea of hustling when I never really hustled before terrified me out of trying. In retrospect, I probably could have done it with more support and, as I said, mentorship. There's also so little of the world you know, that sometimes the things you learn you could be doing, it's the eleventh hour in your second semester senior elective. How was I supposed to know people could study classics and launch that into a career of teaching or museum curation if I'm just learning about it now studying greek and latin roots in my etymology class for funsies?

I think we send kids off to college much much much too soon. I wish we had a culture, infrastructure to allow under 25 year olds to do odd jobs while building their social circle and prioritizing partying, traveling, having fun. In my dream world, a 19 year old could work part time as a barista, pay for an apartment with a roomie, spend time doing whatever weird theater/art/music career they think they want, have time to get into politics at a local level, and start putting money away for retirement, and just doing fuck all so that they can think about what they want to do and experience some real life decisions. They can learn "oooh I like customer service but I hate retail" or "oooooh music is something I want to do as a hobby, and playing shows sucks assssss" or "oooooh this internship at my mom's work isn't so bad, I'm not afraid of an office" or "ooooooh this intership at my mom's office sucks asssssss and I wonder what life on a boat is like" or w/e.

Then when you understand the value of money a little better, have a clearer idea of how you want to spend your life, you can go to college if it suits you.

[ortegajasmin]

Blog Post #1

Hi, my name is Jasmin Ortega and I am an 18 years old. I am hispanic as is the rest of my family, my mother was born in NYC as well and had lived there her whole life while my father was born in a small village in Mexico, he eventually moved to NYC in his early teens where he met my mom. My name origin is extremely basic and unoriginal and does not have a specific or meaningful origin, my parents just chose it because they liked the sound of it and thought it was nice. If I had the chance to change my name to a fictional character I would probably pick the name Diana, taken from the fictional superhero Wonder Woman, Diana is Wonder Woman's real name. The reason why I would choose this name is because of how important Wonder Woman is in the DC, she is one of the titular characters in the Justice League being one of the founding characters alongside Batman and Superman. 

High school was a bit of a blur for me. I remember that my first day of high school was very anticlimactic and nothing like the movies. I went in extremely nervous to be in a whole new world with a lot of older kids and honestly speaking the first day was a little overwhelming by how many people there were and how big the school was, but after the first day I got used to it and was pretty bored by it. I actually did not go to school on the last day, I had graduated the day before and I decided not to end up going on the actual last day. On my physical last day of school I did not do much but get ready for graduation and say goodbye to my favorite teacher one last time. My favorite moment of high school would usually be when whenever I had gym on specific days and was able to go out with the class and meet up with my friends in the other gym class, it always made the class period that much better.  My least favorite moment would have to be when I had a falling out with an old friend from middle school, leading us to never speak again. If I could do it all over again I would probably go about it by putting myself out there more and trying to make more friends and by also trying for more extra curricular activities. 

 Currently, I am in my freshman year of college, in my second semester and my major is Psychology. Truthfully speaking, I chose this major because of a crime tv show called Law and Order: SVU. The show is about detectives solving cases revolving sex crimes, occasionally on the show they would have a psychiatrist come on to the show and give his professional opinion on the cases and criminals to help solve the crimes. Watching this show and the psychiatrist work to identify motives and reasonings behind a criminal and their crimes was fascinating. This essentially led to my interest in true crime and the way criminals' minds work, it also led to my interest in the human mind as a whole and why we do what we do or feel the way we do. With this major one specific career path I am interested in is of course a criminal psychologist, the other career path would be a child therapist. What essentially inspired me for both of these careers is my want to understand the mind and how it works for specific groups of people as well as helping those who need it. 

I unfortunately do not participate in any recreational activities, I never got into them when I was younger and so I never gained an interest in them when I got older. For my interests and hobbies I would say I have pretty basic ones like reading, playing video games, spending time with my family, listening to music, and watching movies and shows, but if I had to pick a semi interesting interest it would have to be taking pictures of the sky. I never miss the chance to take a photo of the sky, day or night, when it looks pretty and memorable. The main reason for this is because I think it is something that is nice to look at and look back on. 

The last movie I watched was Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones and the last show I watched was a rewatch of Cobra Kai. For movie and tv show recommendations it would be The Boys on Amazon, That 70s Show, Teen Wolf (mainly season 3), Back to the Future, Ready Player One, and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. My favorite film and show are both from my recommendations, The Boys and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Both pieces of media have great stories and comedy in my opinion and the latter has amazing original music. My least favorite show would have to be a netflix original called Ginny & Georgia, I am just hate watching it at this point, but I would be lying if there weren't moments that absolutely had me laughing. There has not really been anything I have created, no original pieces or nothing. And if I were to pick my last meal to have on my last day on earth it would be tortas. Tortas are some of the best sandwiches my mom has made, they usually include beans, mexican cheese, ham, eggs, hot dogs, and breaded chicken. Now reading it may not seem appetizing but trust it is absolutely amazing and I would absolutely want nothing more than to have a torta as my last meal. 

[m0tel6mxzzy]

to add to what u said, I also think that many people with 9-5s and other more secure jobs dream of pursing more artistic jobs because they're more fulfilling for ur soul than a 9 to 5 but they can't take that leap because there's no guarantee an artistic career like acting, modelling, singing etc will work out and they can't afford to fail and have no job. repo babies don't need an income so they're free to take whatever leap because if they fail it doesn't matter

yeah definitely anon i get u!!! i remember in high school wanting to be an artist, and just being very upset with the fact i would have to pick a “real job” bc the arts tends to only be a financially secure job for the already rich and famous. i have a feeling if my parents were loaded rich, art would’ve been seen as something i would not need to be 100% able to monetize in order to have as a career, but rather a hobby i can go to school for just for fun.

essentially career in the arts was made w rich kids access in mind. i took up chemistry this semester bc of that. i was so desperate to have a “real job” only to realize i wasn’t prepared for the math. i tried to force myself to like chem, but i’m doing psychology next semester. literally if i was some sort of nepo baby, i could just quit college and not at all feel guilty abt the thousands in student loans my parents are helping pay. like, you know those rich kid youtubers who are financially well off and say college is useless when many of us don’t have the luxury of leaving w/o negotiating a career change or adjustments to continue it?????

literally if i’d been born to some famous supermodel or big name director/actor that would not cross my mind, i would never have felt inferior and guilty abt “wasting” money if my parents had an abundance to begin w and college wasn’t a necessity for me, but rather an option. i could’ve just as easily moved to la or something and my last name getting me jobs or whatever. that seems like an incredible privilege only nepo babies have yk????? normal ppl don’t get that, most of us have to be “realistic” and actor/model isn’t the first thing that pops into our heads, it’s usually a dream bc nepo babies just have that handed to them and those traveling expenses for shoots/scouting/flights cost money.

i also have a friend who’s a film major, and expressed to me how hard it is breaking into that industry and how she has marketing as a backup. literally so many of my friends who are arts majors also have some sort of major determined to be a little more secure as a back up, bc the prospect of their primary concentration not securing them a job will always be an issue. whereas nepo babies can walk into auditions and shoots and immediately land jobs, having no worry abt the travel expenses these entail unlike most actors/modes/etc who usually need backups.

[atinylittlepain]

ohhh what about ❤️🎮☺️🤍 for Andy?? (if it's a lot just pick your faves ndjdk)

hiiiiii non thanks for asking :)))))

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits?

Andy will do literally anything for the people she cares about - she's the friend you call when you have a flat tire on the side of the highway and you don't know how to change your tire and you're stressed about calling a tow - she doesn't know how to change a tire either, but she has no problem meeting you on the side of the highway and figuring it out in real time lol

She is deeply, deeply passionate about the work she does, which is largely around feminist liberation and philosophy studies and research - it makes her a great professor when she gets to that time in her life, her "women and madness" class fills up easily every year and always has a waitlist

Andy is a free-thinker and has no problem voicing her beliefs and opinions - regardless of the context or the people she's talking to, she's going to stand up for and speak up about what she believes, and I think that's pretty rad :')

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

andy really likes cooking when she has the time for it - she'll put on a Carole King album on the weekends and make something fancy and involved, even if it's just a solo dinner for herself - she likes the meditative process of it

andy loooooooves music - she checks out tapes at the library every week and she jumps on any opportunity to see an artist live (is this a hobby? i consider this a hobby lol)

andy is a journaler and always has been - nothing fancy or aesthetic, she buys the college-ruled composition notebooks in bulk and writes in them most mornings, still in bed, as a way to just dump out her thoughts - she keeps all the notebooks over the years, even though she can barely read her own handwriting

😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?

Andy is an academia girlie, she's climbing that ladder and shooting for tenure lol - but truthfully she just wants to do what she's passionate about and teach others about what she's passionate about - she grew up in a pretty hectic family with all sorts of agendas, and she definitely takes a much more simple and laidback approach to that stuff - she just wants to surround herself with people she loves, and she happens to love steve enough to want a family with him :')

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

hmmmm okay

on time is late for Andy, she needs to be at least fifteen minutes early for everything, and she makes it everyyyyyyone's problem lol she just gets stressed if she's running behind, her mind is always working those fifteen minutes early - Steve calls it ~Miranda Central Time~

if they're not hers, Andy doesn't really like babies lol, she will go out of her way to avoid strollers on the sidewalk, and the answer will invariably be no if a friend asks her if she wants to hold their little bundle of joy - they freak her out, again, only if they're not hers

she is a pineapple on pizza truther :)

come ask me a Q about my OCs if you want to

[biggestdev]

Sup, intro post time.

Hmm, it's funny, I've never actually wanted to post anything online before! Turns out, when you subconsciously hate everything about the way you look and sound, one ends up wanting to hide from the public eye! Weird coincidence 🤔. After starting to transition, I began feeling those cool things I heard that other people have. You know, pride in the things I do, liking the way I look, and, weirdest of all, wanting to tell people about it!

So if you don't mind, lemme just dump this all out here:

So I figured out I was trans at 28, and it was an odd feeling to say the least. Once I got over my panic attack, I have never in my life had such a clear goal as transitioning. Everything I did before that: hobbies, college degree, career, was all picked out for me, in a sense. I went along with what others suggested, because I never had a clear idea of what I wanted, ever, my future was just a grey haze. I asked other people what I should do, and did that.

After starting transitioning, I found that I started caring about what I did. I realised I actually really like my job, and that I'm proud of my little hobby projects, handcrafted things with love and care put into them, as opposed to just a means to an end, tools to solve a problem, which is honestly why I picked up some of them in the first place.

And so that's what I'll be posting from my own life. Mostly pictures of things I make or do that I think are cool.

Tangent: My job is, in broad terms (stalker no stalking!) a service tech for communication infrastructure, on towers and in cars, buildings, random shacks by the side of the road, everywhere. Part IT tech, part system engineer, and part automotive upfitter, means nearly every day at work is different from all the others. Sprinkle that with a little ADHD for seasoning, and I've got probably the best job I could ask for! It translates well into my hobbies, which are ham radio, self-hosting internet services for myself, keeping my shitbox car running, and hobby electronics. Now that I actually want to share stuff with the world, I'll probably mainly post about all that.

Part of the reason I like my job so much is sometimes I get to play the "fixer", in the sense of "you went for the lowball price from our competitors and got shit for fuck. Thankfully you've realised your mistake and came pleading to my boss to come in and make it actually work". I like that feeling of satisfaction after fixing a problem for someone, which is why I have asks open for tech questions on top of normal asks.

... Back on topic, I guess? Occasionally maybe I'll post some pics of myself (no not like that), if I think I got a really good one. Lemme start with these. Which one do you think is better, hair up or down?

Once I figured out I was a trans woman, getting on hrt was the most obvious thing in the world to me, I have been for a year and change. Thankfully, being an adult in the US (New England) made that very easy for me. Aside from the occasional "am I trans enough?" worry (and now the ever-present low level dread of "will I be un-personed after the next election"), I've never experienced such a powerful feeling of "this is what WILL happen, come hell or high water". It was refreshing to feel that way about something in my life, finally. Like, I'm not just coasting through life to the grave any more!

I recognize that I'm very lucky as far as access goes, I went from egg crack to staring HRT in probably 3 months, thanks to informed consent in my state, and a halfway decent health insurance plan. I also found a local laser tech to zap my beard hair that is REALLY good, and doesn't gouge on price. Honestly, the hardest thing to deal with has been my voice, I was "blessed" with a pitch and inflection only a little less over-the-top than that movie trailer guy, so changing that has been... a journey.

I'm also lucky in the total lack of resistance on the personal side. None of my friends, family, or even co-workers have fought me on my transition, everyone that I care about has been accepting of me so far. From what I see posted here so often, I'm in a rare situation, and I deeply appreciate all the people IRL that support me. ❤️

Identity-wise, I'm still up in the air a bit, mostly because I haven't dug into what all the different labels mean in detail. I'm definately all about women, but I'm also some flavor of ace, so I guess only romantically? I think that nets me the L, T, Q and A in LGBTQIA+, though tbh I don't really keep a hard list of identities for myself. I'm not one of those weirdo transmeds, I never had overt disphoria before my egg cracked, everyone is valid in their identity, regardless of their dumb-ass takes (pickme's, lookin' at you).

So, intro post done, thanks for reading!

[imanunit04]

Personal Statement for uni-

I have a big imagination since I really love the world of fiction and things that do not exist in reality. I like anything that shows off creativity and a unique sense of individuality to show what goes on in your brain and who you are. Currently I am studying Graphic Design, but I am also interested in pursuing UX/UI Design in the future. The reason behind why I would like to do this is because I have a great interest in creativity and technology. Ever since I was a young child, I've always loved being creative by drawing and making things. I have also always been drawn into anything technology related. It's something that has fascinated me and made me glad that I was born into a generation that is blooming with technological advancements. It allows me to make the most of using and enjoying technology whenever I can. That is why I want to be part of that world by helping to create digital things, while also letting my creative side take control too. I believe that letting these interests help decide my career path will make me enjoy my career choice as much as I possibly can. I also believe I'll really enjoy doing my best when I try to market my product, looking at statistics and how it will psychologically work in the minds of the consumer. I find that to be really exciting and a great journey with satisfying results. I really would like a career where I can create, but also successfully market my creations. When it comes to my passion for my favourite hobby of art, I love experimenting a lot with this. Whether it may be using markers, paint, pencils, on paper, canvases or even digital art. I like exploring all sorts of new methods, finding what I enjoy and what works for me. I also enjoy anything related to food (I love good food) or surfing the web and finding new corners of the internet. My creative process is starting off by looking into what I want to create and finding existing work that I can use as research to generate my own ideas. Then I'll likely sketch it out and pick my favourite idea. Afterwards, I would get straight to creating what I have in mind. I have learnt to work both on a Mac and PC, so I can adjust myself to work on whichever one is presented to me. I am also learning to use Adobe software and I have found that I adapted quickly to any software that I am newly introduced to. I often am able to use the internet to learn new techniques I can use whenever I am struggling. My skills are artistic things such as drawing and making artwork. I have technical skills in software, such as Adobe, Microsoft and other computer related things, involving creating things such as posters, magazines, and also moving images. I know how to navigate my way around the software. I would consider myself to be creative. Inside of art, I admire artists in media who have an interesting stylised art form. One of the people who's art I admire is Roy Lichtenstein who is an American pop artist from the 60s who created graphical, expressive artwork. I also enjoy creating these types of art myself during my free time. They are what inspire me to be creative, alongside animation, and give me inspiration to create art. I wish to one day have the high level of skill that they hold. I want to be a designer who is able to work both under any circumstance. I want to become independent in what I can do. I am taking a College course in Graphic Design, and have spent time during my first year of College doing industry placement work for Birmingham Updates from the Nonsensical Agency as a photographer (including photo editing for my images) while balancing my regular assignments at the same time. I have hopes that taking further education will open new doors and opportunities for me, changing my life for the better.Once I gain experience working, I have hopes of being able to do freelance work for more flexibility and to be my own boss, and perhaps go the extra mile by starting my own agency or business whenever I am able to do so, as a leader.

[actiaslove]

Here we are again.

I first made this tumblr blog around 4 years ago. I was early in my college career, and I had told my crush about my unrequited love for him. Despite knowing that he did not return my feelings (he was in a committed relationship), I felt that I had to tell him to move on. It hurt so badly, hearing the answer I knew I would get. This tumblr was made as a place for me to vent about that experience. I have not really used it in almost 3 years, because 6 months after I talked to my former crush I got into a relationship with her- the love of my life.

My relationship with her was my first and only relationship. I remember being so scared that I would be hurt again, scared that it would end up being a mistake, scared that I wasn’t actually over him and would end up harming the both of us. But our love bloomed so beautifully and passionately it blew every feeling I had for him away. Her love, her beauty, her kindness, her laughter eveloped me and my life, and I knew I would love her to the end of my days.

Our life together felt perfect. We never fought. We loved cooking for each other. We did chores the other didn’t like doing as acts of service. We ate ice cream together at night more often than not. We had fun doing things together whether it was watching a show at home, painting, going somewhere new, or going on one of our many walk routes around town. Whenever I was without her I thought about her. When I was having fun somewhere without her I would think of bringing her there one day so I could share the joy I felt with her. In May it will be 3 beautiful years together.

After May it will be over. We’re going to grad school, and we were unable to get into the same ones. She told me recently that she’s been feeling like she needs space, time to figure out what she wants from her future and to figure herself out. She told me that she needs space, and that she can’t be in a committed, long-distance relationship while she did that. We are still together, still living with each other, until the school year is up and it is time for us to go to our new institutions. She told me that she still loved me, but that she does not neccessarily see our future with each other anymore, at least not until she figured herself out. She told me that despite how she currently felt, she meant every word of love and commitment over the course of our relationship when she said them.

I have never felt such despair. I cannot see a future for me without her. I don’t know exactly what I wanted from my future, but I knew that I wanted to experience life with her. I feel as though in her searching for her life’s purpose she’s destroyed mine. I’ve lost all passion and ambition for everything. I don’t know if I want to go to grad school anymore. We share the same academic field, and I imagined us chasing our dreams together. The thought of the subject that was once my life’s passion makes me feel a little sick right now. None of the things I normally enjoy give me happiness anymore.

She is my most important person. I have good friends, a family that I love and get along relatively well with, but they mean nowhere near as much to me as she does. Everything was going well for me, I had hobbies, a social life, friends, a career I was passionate in persuing, I made enough money to get by, and I had my love. If we thought of my life as a healthy body, everything was in perfect working order. But now my heart is getting ripped out, and there’s no point in everything else being fine if there is no heart.

And so here I am again, stuck in this feeling of heartbreak. I never thought I would need this blog again. Until just about a week ago I thought that I was with the woman I would marry and cherish forever. I still have some hope, that maybe she’ll change her mind by the end of May, or that maybe in the future, if she still loves me and she’s figured out what she needed, we’ll reconnected and pick back up where we left off. But right now I want to dissappear. I dont know if I’ll be able to make it after May. I don’t know if I can make it without her. I don’t really want to.

[pascalscenarios]

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (Ricky Hauk x Reader)

Just The Way You Are

Scenarios Series

Ricky Hauk x Reader

Summary: Ricky feels as if he needs to change to keep up with your lavish life

Warning: Mentions of an abusive parent, social classes

Words: 1982

Author Note: Based on a scenario from my twitter. Ricky Hauk is so cute ugh! Enjoy! - K 

You first met Ricky when your car broke down on the side of the road. You managed to get to a payphone and look up in the yellow pages to see if you could get a tow truck down to where you were located. The first number you found was for Al’s Service Station.

After calling and waiting for 20 minutes, Ricky had come with a tow truck, wearing a mechanic jumpsuit and a red baseball cap worn backward.

“Hey, I’m Ricky” He greeted you quickly, then went straight to hooking up your car.

You give him a sweet smile introducing yourself.

“Thank you for coming- I don’t know what happened. One minute I was driving, next thing, my started smoking and stopped running”

“Don’t sweat it. I’ll take a look when we get back to the shop”

You thought Ricky was SO cute. He had gorgeous brown eyes that you ever saw.

On the car ride to the shop, you tried your best to make conversation with him. He didn’t say much. He was quiet and reserved. A man of few words.

You and Ricky had different upbringings. You have a perfect life. You came from a wealthy family and live in an affluent part of town. You could have anything you wanted. Ricky on the other hand had an abusive father growing up who is no longer in his life. He and his younger brother Joey were raised by a single mother and they struggled financially. They lived off paycheck to paycheck. Unlike you, Ricky couldn’t have the things he wished or dreamed for.

Ricky was hesitant around you. He knew how rich people were. One wrong move, or if you ended up saying something they found offensive, its cuffs slapped around his wrist.

He was already in a shitty mood and didn’t feel like talking. He got his two-week notice from Al that he was being laid off and his mom was still pretty ticked off at him thinking about the possibility of college, leaving her and his younger brother joey behind to fend for themselves. He didn’t need any more tension in his life.

Getting to the shop, he got to work on figuring out what was wrong with your fancy convertible. He popped open the hood of your car, looking around and fidgeting with different parts.

“Sometimes wrong with the engine. It’s gonna take an hour or two to fix. You might wanna call someone to come pick you up and come back later” he states.

“I’ll just wait, no biggie” you shrug.

He cocked his eyebrow at you. Were you serious? Why would someone like you willingly want to stay in a run-down part of town he thought. “You sure? We got a phone by the register-” he motions towards the desk

“I’m sure. I don’t mind waiting” you smile.

“Alright, suit yourself” turns his back towards you, crunches his face in confusion. He thought you were strange for deliberating staying.

You could have called someone to pick you up, but the truth is, you waited to stay to get to know Ricky and you weren’t in a rush to get home.

...

Ricky started to warm up to you after a while, making conversation with you as he worked on your car. You were sweet and you seemed different from the normal rich people he dealt with and he liked that. You treated him as an equal, not as someone who was below you.

After talking about anything and everything random things, you left him to focus on fixing your car. You probably irritated him. You wandered around the shop, exploring the different parts, tools, and old materials stashed around the garage.

Under a pile of greasy rags, you noticed a black leathered book. You opened it up to find writing inside. They were poems. Beautiful yet heart-wrenching poems. You were amazed by each one as you continued to flip the pages.

“Alright, your cars- hey!” Ricky quickly pulls out the rag from his back pocket, whipping the grease from his hands, and walking towards you.

He takes the books from your hand, closing it shut.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean- did you write those?”

He signs looking down at the book.

“Yeah… I did”

“They’re amazing! Do you like poetry?”

He nods. “Yeah, I love it.”

“I love writing! I’m majoring in journalism at Redding. My parents don’t see a future in it though. They want me to have a ‘real career’, whatever that means” you roll your eyes.

“Poems and writings are more of a hobby…I was thinking about taking a writing course down at Redding University. I went to go check a class out but I don’t know… thinking about it.”

“If you love and are passionate about writing and poetry, go for it. That’s what my grandma used to say. You’ve got a gift, Ricky.” You smile.

He changes the subject ”Uh your cars done- we should start it up, see if it’s running” he tosses the book on the side on top of an old crate and walks with you over his car.

You slide into your car, putting the key into the ignition, the engine roaring again.

“Ah! Thank you so much!” You get out of the car and hug him tightly. He was taken back by your hug, but he smiled and wrapped his arms around you.

“Here,” You said handing him money.

“Thanks,” he stuffed it in his pocket.

“It was nice meeting you, Ricky” you smile.

“Drive safe, if you have any trouble, just come by” …

“Ricky!” You shout coming back a couple of days later. He was laying on a creeper and rolled himself out from underneath the car he was working on. “Hey!” he sits upright, grabbing a towel from his pocket and wiping his hands. He gets up walking towards you.

“You alright? Your cars not giving you any trouble is it?” He says, continuing to wipe his hands.

“No, I came to see you actually.” You start blushing slightly.

“Me? Can you see me?” he points to himself in disbelief.

“Yeah, I wanted to bring you this” you hand him a book. “As a thank you”

He stuffs the towel back in his pocket, taking the blue canvas-covered book from your hands.

He brings it to flip through the pages, noticing they were filled with poems.

“It’s a book of poems. I’ve had it since I was little, but I wanted you to have it”

“What?- No I can take this-”

“It’s inspired me a lot, maybe it will spark something in you”

“Look this is nice in all, but I-”

“Don’t argue with me and just take the book!” you laughed.

He smiled “Alright, alright…” he chuckled. “Thank you”

“Bye” you waved towards him walking back to your car.

“Wait! Before I go-” he is getting a little shy now. “Do you maybe you want to hang out sometimes? We could go catch a movie or something do else- or if you don’t wanna hang out that's fin-”

“Are you asking me out?” you cocked his eyebrow at him

“Y-yeah…if that's okay”

A giddy smile appeared on your face, you took the pen from the front pocket of this jumpsuit, taking his greasy stained hand, and scribbled your number down.

“You better call me, or I'm just going to have to come back here and find you” you laugh.

And since then, you and Ricky have been inseparable ever since.

…

You and Ricky were friends at first, but eventually the more the two of you started spending time together, you both started falling for each other.

You had brought him home to meet your friends and family. They were disapproving of you dating a guy from the wrong side of the tracks, but you didn't care what they thought about the two of you. Under the tough and hard exterior that protected him from outsiders, he was sweet, loving and protective towards his family, thoughtful, hard-working, and intelligent.

After meeting your friends and family, Ricky realized who he was and where he came from wasn’t going to be good enough for you… or in this case your friends and family. He was so out of his element and stuck out like a sore thumb in your world, and everyone noticed. And it wasn’t just the fact he was underdressed, but the fact they have accomplished so much, and here he was financially unstable, not going to school, and jobless. He needed to change if he wanted to keep up with you and the people in your life.

You didn’t even have to try with his family. Just like Ricky, his mother and brother had to warm up to you first. His mother wasn’t sure of your intentions, but once she saw how you two were together, you gained her trust and she welcomed you with open arms. Joey liked you from the moment you told him that you loved macaroni and cheese.

After Ricky had met your friends and family, you saw a change in him. You had no idea what was going on. He was like a whole different person, acting like the snobby people you grew up with.

You brought him to another family event. He was dressed up fancy, which he looked very handsome but it wasn’t him, that wasn’t your Ricky and introduced himself as Richard?

The whole night you watched him not lie about himself and laugh at jokes you knew he didn’t find funny.

This wasn’t your Ricky.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah sure, excuse us” he smiles at your parents' friends.

You walk outside to the garden and turn to face him.

“What the hell is going on?” you question.

“What do you mean?”

“For the past several weeks, you haven't been acting like yourself. That’s not you in there. I don't know who the hell is standing in front of me, because surely this isn’t my Ricky. Where’s the guy I fell in love with? A mechanic who loves and has a passion for poetry…”

He noticed how upset you were. Tears forming in your eyes. He thought this would make you happy.

He sighs. He couldn’t keep up his charade. “I just..” he pauses. “After meeting your friends and family…I realized I’m not good enough for you. I don’t belong in your world. I’m from the opposite side of town, I’m from a single-parent and low-income household. All these people see right through me...they see me as nothing- I just thought if I changed-“

“Ricky” You cup his face in your hands. Your thumbs stroking his cheeks.

“You don’t ever have to change who you are for me! I see you! I know who you are, I know your heart. I don’t care about your past or where you come from. Who you are as a person means way more to me than your upbringing and how much money you have. I love me just the way you are.”

“You mean that?”

“Of course...With every fiber in me...I love you” You kiss him softly.

You both pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. “Let’s get out of here, please,” he says.

“Where do you wanna go?” you asked.

“God anywhere but here” he laughed. “How about dinner near your place, the one you took me to on our first date,” you asked. “I feel like eating a greasy burger, fries, and a milkshake.”

He laughed, “alright”

“Okay, we better hurry up before my parents try to stop us” you chuckle.

“They’re going to kill me...they don’t like you being out on my side of town so late,” He says, taking your hand as you quickly exit, using the side gate.

“They can get over it and besides I’ll be okay because I'll be with you.”

MT // @wifeofdindjarin @icanbeyourjedi @sara-alonso@greeneyedblondie44 @hb8301​  @alberta-sunrise @spacenerdpascal @ryleyrooroo @reader-s-cantina

[miekasa]

hellooo ms mie so i was just curious to know how you chose your course for college. bc im currently in my final years of high school and im still in a dilemma on whether i want to do something which i love (which in this case is music) or do something that could give me a sustainable life with a stable financial income since its quite obvious that its not really guaranteed that u can get a well paying job when working in the music field unless you're some really renowned figure in the industry 🤒 but at the same time im also scared because i dont want my passion for music to be taken away? bc u know how the things u love can gradually turn dull over time when you're playing by the book and constantly following rules.. and its not much reassurance but a lot of famous artists nowadays have grown so much despite not studying music but then again ig its different for everyone right ? hm but then again music schools are just so expensive and i wouldnt wanna burden my parents by making them pay that much money for me to study something where a proper paying job isnt warranted yk 🙁

hhh sorry this turned into a rant 😭 its just that every time i tell myself that its gonna be okay even if i dont study music i suddenly see people on the internet who do study in music schools and it just looks so fun yk?

Hellooo my dear!! My response/advice got kinda long lol so I'll put it under the cut, but as for me, I kind of always had a general picture of what I wanted to do? Even tho I've graduated, I'm still hovering on just the right course, but I know I have time to figure it out. All decisions about and in college seem so final and stressful and it sucks, esp since you're in some of the most difficult and important (developmental) times of your life; but there's a strange kind of comfort in that too--know that college isn't final and you don't have to peak in college, so you don't have make the "perfect" choice right now, and you can always change your mind <33

Firstly, as I was saying, regardless of what you choose to do in college, you can always end up choosing another path later in life, or even right after if you feel like it's not the right fit for you! If you choose music in college and for whatever reason find that it doesn't live up to what you envisioned, then you can totally find a new route; and vice versa--if you choose something more traditionally financially stable and it just reinforces that music is the path for you, then you can 100% go into music after uni. Even tho it's chalked up to be a scary and important decision, you're, essentially 18 or 19 when you sign up for your initial major; no teenager can possibly predict what they'll want to do forever with certainty, so don't stress if you pick something and wanna switch it up later!

From the depressing capitalist perspective, I totally understanding wanting to pick something stable over something uncertain and it's such an unfair choice for anyone to have to make. However, it's plausible to do both! You can pick a major you're still interested in that you think might work better financially in the long run and for your parents' situation, and still do music as a hobby, or even a minor at some schools. Your passion doesn't have to be your career; and hobbies and personal ventures are just as valuable, as are people who do art/music full-time!

Whichever choice you make, remember that even tho it feels final for right now, it doesn't have to determine your whole life; and I wish you the best on your college journey!!!! <333

[elskamo]

I promise I’m trying to find time to chill out and play Sims, college and my apprenticeship are just super busy right now XD

I figured now would be a good time to try and play a few sessions of Sims 4 again, especially with the new wedding pack coming out this week! Hopefully I can grab it and play another game soon, for now here’s what the TD Sims have been up to…

Playthrough: 

- Heather arranged an adults only vacation for all the TD Sims at the Lakeside Retreat in Granite Falls, Bridgette tried getting everyone to hang out together at the campfire but all the guys ran away to get coffee.

- Bridgette and Courtney began bonding at the campfire, as did Heather and Jo. Eventually it led to both pairs flirting after Heather got jealous of Bridgette and Courtney being blatantly affectionate in front of her.

- Bridgette snuck inside with Courtney so they could flirt alone while Heather and Jo continued to flirt at the campfire. Eventually Bridgette and Courtney shared their first kiss... as they were coming back outside onto the porch in front of everyone!

- Brick and Scott had noticed their significant others flirting but stayed well away from the girls and didn’t confront them, Heather on the other hand slapped Bridgette and kept trying to pick a fight with Courtney.

- Heather asked Jo out on a date in the forest but it turned sour when the two continued to argue due to Heather’s bad mood.

- As soon as they got back Heather sent all three girls home, eventually cutting the vacation short altogether when Duncan managed to set himself on fire inside!

- The next morning when all the Sims were home Jo asked Heather out on another date but things continued to remain awkward between them.

- Brick began arguing with Jo when she came back their house; Brick was really upset about her cheating on him but the only thing Jo cared about was losing the argument with Brick.

- While Jo was at work Brick spent some time bonding with the toddlers and reading to them, he and Jo stayed well away from each other that night and focused on building the rocket and working out respectively.

- Back at the Campbell household, Courtney and Scott were avoiding each other completely until they went to work. Courtney got promoted to Senior Manager at work and left immediately after she arrived home so she could take Bridgette out on a date, things began to heat up immediately and they made out in the park until Bridgette fell asleep on the bench.

- As soon as Courtney got home she started buttering up Scott and woohooed with him even though he was still upset about her cheating on him during their vacation. They became deeply connected and Courtney got pregnant again!

- In the Burromuerto household Duncan took care of Petey and upgraded his rocket before going to work in his new career as a Lab Technician. He got to know his coworkers, found a new element, and invented a momentum conserver.

- At home Alejandro finally started having some success parenting Carlos while Duncan struggled. After Carlos went to bed the two of them focused on their own hobbies; Alejandro self published a children’s book while Duncan went to space in his rocket.

- On the weekend Heather hosted a weenie roast and invited some of the neighbours; Alejandro, Carlos, Courtney, Jo, and Kate all came over to join the Suoh family.

- Bridgette realised Courtney had gotten pregnant but didn’t seem to mind, the two of them continued flirting in front of the other guests. The two of them snuck upstairs to woohoo before becoming girlfriends. As the guests left Bridgette failed to reconcile with Heather and the two got a divorce.

Side Notes:

- I haven’t changed up the households yet so they’re currently the same as usual:

Bridgette and Heather live with Damien, Farley, and Kristin.

Courtney and Scott live with Albertha and Kate.

Alejandro and Duncan live with Carlos.

Brick and Jo live with Elliott and Lawrence.

- A lot of the sentiments and relationships changed during this playthrough, this is what they look like now:

Brick and Jo are still engaged but see each other as just good friends. Brick feels deeply wounded by Jo however Jo still feels deeply connected, she is also still grudging from their fight.

Bridgette and Heather are now divorced! Their relationship is described as a bad romance and they both feel saddened and deeply wounded.

Courtney and Bridgette feel deeply connected towards each other, Courtney also feels smitten and closer from happy memories. The two are now girlfriends.

Courtney and Scott feel deeply connected as well; they are still married despite Scott previously being upset about Courtney cheating.

Carlos and Kate feel deeply connected.

Duncan feels closer from happy memories with Alejandro.

Heather and Jo are now classed as awkward friends, they don’t have any sort of romantic relationship together or sentiments.

Kristin feels closer from happy memories with Farley.

Charts:

The relationship charts continue to be one big mess XD Courtney has relationships with both Bridgette and Scott as she hasn’t broken either off. Bridgette somehow still hasn’t met Kate despite attending the same event and hooking up with her mom! Duncan’s relationship with his son Carlos has also deteriorated.

As Courtney’s still pregnant her child isn’t named yet on the family… tree? Circle? Whatever the hell this is! XD

[petri808]

@ktdkvalentines​ for Syd on Ig Valentines Exchange

Bakudeku College Au. TW: panic attack, anxiety, some angst w/happy ending based on the request.

Izuku Midoriya was in a great mood that Fall morning as he arrived at the college campus. His first day of his first year away from home, ready to start the next leg of his journey. He’d chosen this university for its good reviews and psychology program. He wanted to do something good in his life and what better way then helping others who’d suffered like he had. Not that he’d had a horrible life but growing up in a single parent household created some attachment issues and bullying when he was younger left him with anxieties. All through high school he’d worked extra hard to get to a point where he could function most of the time, and he was proud of how far he’d come. That growth is what led him to pursue a career in psychology, to take his negative experiences and turn them into a positive one.

So, he wasn’t ready when he walked into the dorm room and saw the familiar blonde hair and red eyes of his nightmares looking back at him. 

Oh, this couldn’t be happening! Izuku swallowed hard, a mantra of calming statements flooding his brain as a silent staring content ensued. Neither man said a word, but the longer this went on for, the voices in his mind slowed and were replaced with questions. He was starting to realize... did the blonde even remember him?! He couldn’t tell if it was confusion, or maybe pain on the man’s twisted features, but it certainly wasn’t the angry boy he’d grown up with.

“Wow, Izuku is that you?” The man spoke with no malice in his tone, even rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Been a long time, huh?”

“Yeah... about 7 years I think.”

“H-How you been?”

“Okay, I guess. A bit surprised to see a familiar face.”

The blonde’s shoulders dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes to the ground, “probably not who you’d hoped to see again...”

“I didn’t say...”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The man waved his hands to stop him. “I— I owe you an apology Zuku. And I’m not looking for forgiveness cause I don’t deserve it, but I hope we can, I don’t know like start off fresh, I guess, since we’re stuck in this room together.”

Izuku blinked in confusion, what had happened to Katsuki Bakugou in these past 7 years?! He was certain it wasn’t all arouse, or that the man was trying to bring his guard down, because Katsuki sounded genuine. Until the age of 2 or 3 they were actually really close, but for some reason by the end of their first year of primary school, he’d started picking on Izuku, or taking out his anger on the smaller boy. He had no idea what triggered it, but in the end, he was left emotionally scarred. Now, the man standing before him exuded a broken version of that 3-year-old child he once knew.

“You’re right. I lost count of how many times I ran home in tears because of you. We were best friends and it really hurt when you started picking on me and being mean to me.” The pain evident in his voice rang out into the small, shared room. “I don’t care why you did it. But,” Izuku continued with a sigh, “you’re right, I don’t wanna rehash the past either, so if we can just start over and put up with being roommates, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I’d like that. A-and I know it might not mean much but am sorry Zuku— about how I’d treated you. I promise, I’m not that guy anymore.”

“I believe you.” And he did, for now. Deep down, Izuku always tried to stay positive because if he didn’t, and allowed the irrational thoughts to fester, it could pull him right back into an episode. He didn’t fully trust Katsuki yet, but if was serious about going into the counseling field, he also knew it was important to continue moving forward. That didn’t mean divulging all of his secrets, or telling Katsuki about his own struggles, but he’ll stay alert to make sure that at any sign the man was slipping, he’d get out of there.

As the first two months crept along, the roommates went about their own business with very little interactions at first. It was a bit weird to Izuku, to be in a shared room where their beds were literally just a few feet from one another’s, yet they were lucky to go beyond a good morning or hello. In comfortable situations, he was a bubbly person who genuinely enjoyed talking to people, so the stillness of their room was unnerving. Of course, this was better than feeling fearful around Katsuki, but how are they to move forward and maybe become friends again, if they weren’t interacting?

So, because they weren’t talking, Izuku did the next best thing and observed. One thing that had not changed about Katsuki, was being meticulous. The blondes side of the room was always neat and tidy, books or stationery on the desk stacked perfectly, clothes in the closet organized by color and type, even the bed was always made with crisp corners. Early to bed and early to rise, the man had a ritual of sorts. If he wasn’t studying at his desk, he’d be on his bed reading or listening to music. Even the way Katsuki ate was curious to Izuku, constantly wiping his hands or face of any residue. There were a few things the blonde requested of him, no scented candles or strong, smelling fish type meals, and to leave his side of the curtains closed, something about the sunlight bothering him. They were simple enough requests to acquiesce to.

The man rarely left the room except to go to class and as far as he could tell, Katsuki had only one other friend on the campus who’d occasionally drop by. A nice guy, very friendly named Eijiro Kirishima. Well, he assumed they were friends because most of the time, his roommate stayed quiet while Eijiro did the talking. Izuku was pretty sure he spoke to the man more then Katsuki during these visits. They seemed unlikely friends really, one happy-go-lucky, and one anti-social... kind of reminded him of their once friendship now that he thought about it.

Izuku could appreciate the idea of sticking to familiar surroundings. Their dorm room was a sanctuary for him as well. He avoided large, crowded areas as much as possible, and if he didn’t know anyone, did his best to be inconspicuous. But within their room, with just the two of them, it should be a comfortable experience. Before coming to the school, he’d wondered what his roommate would be like or imagined making friends, so it was a little disappointing. By the third month it was a close friend of Izuku’s that suggested he make the first move to engage Katsuki in conversations. Start out simple, maybe learn any hobbies, what music he listened to, his major, etc. Forget the fact he knew the man and pretend as if he’s trying to make a new friend. Ugh, he hated making the first move. Izuku preferred being engaged not initiating it because it drove his anxieties up. But they were right. ‘Think of it like practice,’ Izuku reasoned with himself, ‘pulling a difficult client out of their shell.’

It was a lazy Sunday around midterms when Izuku decided to make a move. As he sat rested on his bed similarly to Katsuki, with his back against the wall and a textbook propped on his legs. Every few seconds, he glanced over the book’s edge, side-eyeing the blonde who was also nose deep into a chemistry textbook. Should he say something? But the man looked preoccupied, and Chemistry is a difficult subject. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Katsuki? He didn’t want to be annoying or anything and it wasn’t important really. Then again, the guy was always preoccupied with something or other and if he waited for a perfect moment, what if it never came? Would he wait forever? No, this was as good a time as ever.

Izuku lowered his book. “H-How’s the studying going Kacchan?”

The blonde turned to look at him briefly. “Fine.” Then returned to his reading.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Ugh! It was always so hard to get a read on Katsuki! His affect and tone were flat, no anger, amusement, nothing, just his common one worded response. It was rare for the blonde to give or maintain eye contact, so at least the man looked at him this time.

He tried another question. “I noticed your chemistry book, is that your major?”

“Yup.”

“Um, what do you do with a chemistry degree?” Izuku asked genuinely.

This time Katsuki surprised Izuku when he stopped and put his book down before engaging. “I’m fascinated by the chemical reactions of fire and combustion. How it works, why it occurs, how it can be manipulated, stuff like that. And I don’t know, I could be a scientist, or maybe do pyrotechnics, just work somewhere I don’t have to talk to too many people.”

“Wow! I mean I was never good at math and stuff to understand, but it sounds pretty interesting.”

“I guess so. What’s with the questions all of a sudden?”

“W-Well,” Izuku shifted his body to face the man completely, “we’re roommates. I don’t expect us to be full-on friends, but I figured it would be nice to talk sometimes.” Katsuki’s silent reply of nothing forced him to make a decision to continue talking, because he assumed if the man wasn’t interested, he would have turned away. Silence wasn’t exactly a normal response, but maybe the blonde really wasn’t sure what to say next. “I don’t expect you tell me super personal stuff— just small talk. Like, um, what kind of music do you like?”

“Alternative.”

Izuku’s eyes flashed with surprise at such a quick response. Okay, so Katsuki was fine with answering. “I like that too! Well, some,” he giggled. “Though I mostly listen to pop now. What about movies?”

“Horror films.”

“Oof,” Izuku cringed. “I can’t handle those they scare me too much!”

“I remember. It gave you nightmares.”

Bouncing on the bed, Izuku’s legs moved to hang over the edge in his excitement. He was really surprised in a good way that Katsuki remembered something so mundane about him. “Wow! You still remember that?! Yeah,” he laughed, “I’ll stick to sci-fi or action. Plus, I’m not fond of theaters anyways so, I just watch stuff on my laptop.”

“Why not? You used to be the outgoing one.”

That made Izuku flinch because he wasn’t ready to tread into that territory with his former bully. “Oh, you know, it’s always crowded, and you have to deal with parent-less kids causing a racket in the place. I rather just enjoy my movie without all that.”

“Makes sense. I don’t care to go to places like that either.”

“Yeah, I noticed that— is there anything you do like or hobbies maybe?”

“Just exercising in the early morning, by myself, except since Eijiro inserted himself, I tolerate him.”

So, that confirmed what he’d already suspected. Katsuki kept his body in really great shape and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Izuku. But since he wasn’t much of a morning person, he didn’t notice what time Katsuki left the dorm, only the man’s return, showered and refreshed. Needless to say, the blonde male with wet hair was nice to look at and smelled good too. “Oh,” his face heated up at the thought of it, but he needed to play dumb. “So, that’s what you do in the mornings. I wondered about that.”

Things between the roommates settle into a comfortable routine. As another month passes by, Izuku still needed to start the conversation, but at least Katsuki would respond amicably or engaged with him, and to his delight with the help of Eijiro, they’d even managed to get the man to go out to dinner once. Those years of dread and angst were melting away, and soon enough Izuku looked forward to spending time with his old friend.

He still couldn’t get a full read on Katsuki’s demeanor. The man’s emotionless responses made it difficult to tell whether or not he was even enjoying anything. So, Izuku could only assume that by participating, he didn’t mind. The old Katsuki would say whatever he was thinking, good or bad, and while he got the sense that he would do so as needed, such as letting him know about the scent issue, it would be really nice if it didn’t feel like a guessing game all the time. Regardless, the progress they were making to rekindle any sort of relationship was a win in Izuku’s mind.

“Here.”

Izuku looked up from his desk to see a plastic shopping bag held in Katsuki’s hand. “What’s this?” He took it tentatively.

“I saw it at the store. You still into this stuff?”

He opened the bag and pulled out the latest action figure of his favorite comic book character. It was a figurine he’d been saving up his spare money to buy. “Kacchan,” Izuku looked back up curiously at the man. “Is this for me? How’d you know?”

Katsuki just shrugged. “Just remembered you were obsessed with the guy.”

“Thank you, really, but I can’t except this gift, it’s not even my birthday.”

“Just take it. Think of it as an I’m sorry gift if it makes you feel better.”

As Izuku sat there stunned, the blonde simply went back to his bed without another word and picked up a book as if nothing significant had just occurred.

“T-Thank you, Kacchan.”

“Yeah, no prob.”

His face heated up and a smile took over as he stared at the action figure for a few seconds before staging it prominently on his bedside table. Izuku had left all of his collectibles at home, so it was nice to have something in their room. But even more important, was again, Katsuki remembered something about Izuku from their childhood and took the time to get this gift. Despite their long rocky history, this small act meant the world to him. It was the first true moment to make Izuku think, maybe they really could be like they once were.

Finals were approaching in barely two more weeks, and some students were already stressing out. The anxiety in the air felt palpable to Izuku. He could feel it practically oozing off the other students. Of course, everyone dealt with stress in different ways. Some went inwards, the pressure fueling them to work harder while other’s went the completely opposite route of goofing off and procrastinating. Other’s might stress eat, binge caffeine drinks, and friends banded together in study groups. But then there are the ones who took out their frustrations and stress on others.

Bullies. The bane of Izuku’s existence.

Most of the time, he could easily avoid their type around campus. He’d developed a sixth sense for such individuals which his therapist explained as a heightened sense of energy levels. It’s really not as mystical as it sounds, rather that, those like him that suffer from a high level of anxiety, are sensitive to other people’s emotional outputs. Being bullied or harassed himself certainly sent his anxiety’s skyrocketing but seeing it could also trigger a problem depending on the severity.

Hence his current predicament...

It was the end of the day for Izuku and he was ready to just get back to his dorm, eat something, and dive into his studies. One of his teachers had released the finals study guide early, so he thought it best to get a head start. But as he made his way past the row of dorm buildings, Izuku spotted something that sent a cold chill down his spine. Three men cornering a fourth. They were at least 50 yards away and he couldn’t hear everything they were yelling. Something about a group project, pulling weight— One man had grabbed the victims shirt and was semi-lifting him up while the other two men just watched and egged him on.

Oh, this was not good! Izuku’s memories started to replay and his experiences were brought back to the forefront. The men’s faces were so close... he could almost feel the hot breath wafting over, spit hitting his face, or the smell of the bullies breath. It made him sick to his stomach. Izuku’s heart raced, his throat began to close up, and breathing grew erratic. He needed to get out of there! The red piercing eyes of his nightmares took center stage in his mind’s eye... all those times he was harassed and battered by Katsuki rushing back like a wave to toss him against a wall of sandy hair.

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths!’ Izuku screamed in his head, ‘calm down, calm down, get back to my room! It’s not you, it’s not you... it’s not him! It’s not him!!’

Izuku picked up the pace, a fast walk over a running sprint to avoid being noticed. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself and risk becoming the new target. He dug his nails hard into his arm to force his mind towards a physical distraction, but it wasn’t working.

A deep voice screamed, cursing at the top of its lungs, and filling Izuku’s mind, just like that long ago day. The worst attack, the one that finally pushed his mother to move him to a different school. All the fear coursing through his veins rush back, heart pounding against his rib cage. Katsuki had grabbed him, hand fisted into his shirt as he pushed Izuku up a wall and off his feet. He could still feel the cold stone wall behind him juxtaposed to the pain from his hot throbbing lip and swollen cheek where he’d been struck.

He burst through the dorm room door, stumbling, spilling his bag onto the floor as he fell to his knees, gasping for air because his jaw felt locked up and he couldn’t get enough air. All of his muscles were tensing up, imagined or not, it felt like he was suffocating. His body was shaking, sweating— he wanted to puke.

“Whoa, Zuku, what’s wrong?!”

Katsuki had rushed over and dropped to the floor, grabbing Izuku by the shoulders to hold him up and steady. But he couldn’t answer the man in words. Tears were streaming down his face as he did his best to focus and answer the man, but it was tough, fighting against the rapid assault of images in his mind and cursing blaring in his eardrums.

“Fuck, um, allergic reaction?!”

Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Choking?!”

Again, Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Panic attack?!”

Izuku now adamantly shook his head, yes!

“Okay, okay, shit, panic attacks, um, it’s been awhile, what do I— oh, right, okay, okay, d-don’t move!” Katsuki stumbled back to his feet and ran out of the room, coming back within a minute with a cup of ice cubes from the common kitchen. He takes one, two, three, shoving it into Izuku’s mouth. It took a bit of effort to get the man’s jaw to open wide enough to shove it in. “Close your mouth all the way, try to get the ice to touch the roof of your mouth.”

Seconds after the ice touched, it sent a brain freeze from hell shooting through Izuku’s pain receptors. “Ahhh!” He spat out all the melting cubes as his hands fly up to his head, cradling, squeezing to counter against the physical pain, “cold! Cold! Cold!”

At that statement, Katsuki slumped back onto his haunches in relief. “Oh good, it worked.” He then took Izuku’s hands with an even soft tone. “Look at me.” Once the man complied, he continued. “Focus on your breathing, inhale when I say to, exhale when I say to.”

Izuku struggled against the embers of irrational thoughts coupled with the brain freeze coming down. His breathing stayed haggard, jagged as he fought his own mind to follow Katsuki’s instructions. But every time he’d start to struggle, the man would refocus him back to the breathing by pressing his thumb nail into the webbing of Izuku’s hand. Not very hard, but enough of a sting to bring back his focus on the physical. It took about 15 minutes until he could breathe in time with Katsuki’s words.

Be it the overwhelming sense of release or sheer exhaustion, Izuku collapsed on to Katsuki’s chest. His panicked breathing whittled down to silent sobbing. The blonde didn’t move or flinch and held the man up, simply keeping his arms around his back without a word. Minutes dragged by as the tears finally slowed.

“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku breathed out. “How’d you know what to do?”

“Let’s just say, I’ve had my share.”

Izuku sat back, rubbing away the moisture drying on his cheeks as he looked at his roommate with new eyes. “You? W-When? I-I mean if you don’t wanna say, it’s fine, I’ll understand. We probably both have a lot a secrets.”

Katsuki thought for a moment. “If I tell you what happened, you gotta come clean too.”

He hadn’t expected that, but after what had just occurred, perhaps it was time. “Okay,” Izuku nods.

“In middle school I was sent to a therapist because of my anger issues and diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. Frankly, I don’t know how much to believe in that, but in the end, the therapist was a good thing.” Katsuki leaned back against a desk leg. “The short answer, I learned the reason I’d started bullying you was because I was getting frustrated with myself which lead to anger, and I wrongly took it out on the closest person to me.”

“Why were you frustrated? I thought we were fine...”

“It had nothing to do with you. It was me and I don’t know, I just started feeling different, I didn’t like being around people, didn’t understand or even care about anyone because I couldn’t figure out how to fit in. Yet I’d watch you make friends so effortlessly and I got mad. There’s a lot more to it, even blamed my mom for some of it, but I just didn’t know how else to get it out except through anger. It took a few years to learn to control myself. That’s one of the reasons I got into exercising. If I start feeling frustrated, I can take it out that way now, burn off the excess energy I guess.”

Izuku was a little taken aback at the idea Katsuki’s been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The man didn’t seem like he had a mental disorder, but the clues were there. The aversion to certain stimulus, social apathy, his fixations on certain elements. “Wow... I had no idea. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I’m glad you’ve come this far.”

“So, what about you?”

“I don’t think it was just the bullying that started it all. After my dad left us, I was already vulnerable, it’s why I latched onto you so quickly. So, when you started— I-I felt extremely hurt. You were my first friend, my best friend Kacchan and when you started hurting me... I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental ones. By the time I moved schools, I’d developed anxiety and depression, and it got so bad my mom finally took me to a therapist where I worked all through high school to get it under control. I do really good now, but sometimes things trigger me.” More tears resurface to cloud Izuku’s eyes, but he kept them from spilling. “Today, on my way here, I-I saw a guy being harassed and it brought it all back again. Nothing was working, so I just thought if I could just get to safety, a-and I don’t know, I figured I could get it under control once I was alone. But I’m glad you were here, because I don’t think I could have. You really, saved me today Kacchan.”

“It doesn’t make up for anything. I’m the asshole who made you like this.”

He snorted a laugh, “that’s for sure, but the cause became the cure.”

“What?”

“You caused this, but today you cured it. That means a lot to me because I do want to forgive you.”

“No. I don’t deserve a second chance. I’m content that we’re at least on speaking terms again and I could make amends somehow.”

“Kacchan, everyone deserves a second chance.” Izuku’s smile returned. “We were kids. You didn’t know better. And you’ve changed, that’s the important thing. I think we’ve both changed.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s those experiences that helped me to find a new passion in life to help others— people like us who are struggling with something. Turn a negative into a positive.”

“How the hell do you do that? You just had a panic attack and you’re already sunny smiles again. I mean you were always like this, and it’s me, I just don’t get emotions, but if you wanna forgive me, I guess I can’t stop you.”

Izuku shrugged. “Nope you, can’t,” he smiled wider. “Right now, this is probably the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.” He stood up and extended a hand, helping Katsuki to his feet. “Dinner, my treat.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“I know,” Izuku smiled. “I’ll order in.”

[june2734]

The Short Lived Golden Age of Nerdy Web Shows

There was a time between the years of, let's say, 2007 to 2015 that I like to call the golden age of nerdy web shows. It consisted of a lot of small low to no budget productions that had a lot of heart, the kind you just don't see very often anymore for some reason. Many of these show have found a dedicated home on streaming services like The Fantasy Network, some have even gained enough steam to be featured on big name services like Netflix and Amazon like The Guild and LARPs The series respectively. I'm not exactly sure why the web show trend died out so hard, maybe the crowds just aren't there for them anymore like they use to be with some many pieces of high budget productions on streaming services vying for their attention. Every once and a while I'll jump onto Google to try and find new web shows that have that same heart and feel but rarely if ever do I come up with anything. As far as I can tell the only place new nerdy low to mid budget web shows or films gets any attention is at GenCon or small streaming services like The Fantasy Network. Who knows if there will ever be another nerdy heartfelt web show created that captures the spirit of those old series I hold so dear to my heart, but regardless if it happens or not I'd like to bring some attention to a few of my favorites. They may be old by the standards of the internet and maybe even cheesy by today's standards, but I really think they were something special and if you give them a shot maybe you'll think so too. If you have any others that you think would fit in with shows like this feel free to let me know.

The Gamers: Hands Of Fate

Zombie Orpheus Entertainment use to be one of my favorite channels for nerdy fantasy related content back in the day. You could always see the quality and passion that they put into every piece of content they out out on their channel. They're still around today but they've shifted their focus to other ventures such as the ever popular trend of live streaming table top games rather then making scripted content. That being said their old stuff is still well worth a watch and The Gamers series, particularly The Gamers: Hands of Fate, is some of their best work they’ve ever put out. The series centers around a group of table top gamers(the same that can be found in most of the other The Gamers creations by ZOE), particularly the character by the name of Cass, as he steps into the world of one extremely popular card game hopes of impressing a woman who's a huge fan of it. But this is seemingly simple premise is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this series. The show also features a secondary narrative that involves the characters that actually exist in the card game as as the players decisions in the real world effect their lives and leads one character, Buckstahue(not sure if I’m spelling that right), in particular to start questioning what mysterious forces are controlling their lives. The show is a real treat filled with twists and turns I never saw coming, it's fascinating seeing how the real world actions of this card game effects the card characters lives as well as question if and when Buckstahue will figure out what strings control her actions. The stories surrounding the other characters in the party might not be as engaging but they are by no means a weak point of the series either, many of their subplots are engaging in their own rights and pay off certain character moments established in proper The Gamers creations. If this peaks your interest then the series can still be found on Zombie Orpheus's Youtube channel or as a movie on The Fantasy Network. ZOE had pivoted more towards live streaming as opposed to the scripted content of their past but I'd love to see more content from The Gamers one day. Source

LARPs The Series

LARPs The Series first premiered at GenCon 2014 and took home the award for Best Independent Series. The year after it was picked up by Geek and Sundry as a part of a push for more scripted content on the channel which was where I and many others first got a chance to watch it. When the short trailer for popped up on the G&S channel everything about it screamed that I was absolutely going to love it, and I wasn’t wrong. The series centers around a 4 man party of larpers (AKA Live Action Role Players) by the names of Will, Brittany, Arthur and Sam and their DM (Dungeon Master) Evan as we follow their lives in and out of the game. The show is surprisingly heartfelt and sympathetic towards the characters involved in this often misunderstood and mocked hobby as it shows how larping enriches their often turbulent lives and connects them all as friends on a deep and meaningful level. These characters felt real and you really rooted for them as they deal with, work, relationships and the many other hurtles of adult life as they wait eagerly to gear up for whatever peril might befall them in their next campaign session. The show was also pretty hilarious, seeing them play out classic predicaments that any party, whether they be larpers or table top roleplayers, have experienced such as one player trying to roll to kill a tavern owner or romances between PCs were always a joy to watch unfold.  Another thing that most will notice right away is how the production value and direction are surprisingly astounding as well, especially in season 2. I was shocked by just how much quality was put into the show from the costumes and sets as well as from a writing standpoint. If you're interested in checking out the show then it can be found on Amazon Prime but they can also still be viewed for free on YouTube or in The Fantasy Network. Beanduck, the production company behind LARPs The series, is working towards a funding campaign in hopes of earning enough to produce a third season so if you have any spare change you might want to toss it their way in support. Regardless if you decide to help or not, LARPs The Series is a show that I think any nerdy individual will enjoy. Source

Glitch

Glitch was another show produced by the team over at Zombie Orpheus Entertainment, but it never seemed to get the same kind of love as many of their other productions. The concept was brilliant: What if one day you woke up and found out your life operated on the logic of video games? Well this is the predicament that a programing temp nicknamed Glitch finds himself in. Most episodes of the show centered around particular game mechanics causing problems in his and his friends lives and how he tries to figure out ways to work around or fix problems they've created. Glitch, Wyatt and Samus were all fantastic characters and it was always fun seeing Glitch trying to work through some real world problem with game logic like trying to flirt with a woman he likes using a conversation wheel like in Mass Effect or figuring out how to "defeat" his boss at work who he see's as an actual game boss. Another thing I liked about the show was how the characters really felt like real people I knew, they played games on the couch, debated about which Sci-Fi starship captains were the best, and they grilled each other in nerdy ways while working in slang from their favorite bits of nerd culture into their daily vocabulary. I always hoped that ZOE would eventually put out a second season but unfortunately for whatever reason that never became a reality. Now days the channel that originally hosted Glitch has changed their name to Burger Orchard and rarely if ever uploads anything, but luckily those original episodes of Glitch can still be found on their. Give it a watch, it's short but sweet and if you really enjoyed the show a lot there are little companion shorts that can also be found on the channel. Source

The Street Fighter

The Game Station was an early find for me back in my early college days, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I shaved away many hours watching all kinds of gaming related content on that channel instead of studying for exams. One production, created by one of the channels founders Layne Pavoggi, which came out in late 2011 and was a cut above much their already fantastic content was a short lived series was called The Street Fighter. The series centered around a single dad by the name of Phil who has just lost his job and decides to take up a short career as a professional Street Fighter player to provide for his son as well as keep his mind off of the stressful and highly competitive job market. This a real underdog story that’s extremely reminiscent of old sports 80s films where the protagonist has everything working against them, with that being said you might think that such a trope filled narrative would make things a little predictable and you wouldn’t be wrong but there’s still plenty to love since this concept has really never been explored with videogame to my knowledge. Phil is a guy you’d be hard pressed not to warm up to, especially when you see him interacting with his preteen son Ryan or his best friend/semi love interest Camile (played by former All That star and all around spectacular person Lisa Foiles). Seeing him trying to make his way into the job market, taking odd jobs here and there just to try and get by while also playing Street Fighter to destress and become better for the sake of winning a competition for money to support his son really makes to root for him through all of it. One aspect of the show that I really this is fantastic is how it feels truly authentic to the FGC (Fighting Game Community) when it comes to talking about all of the technical aspects of play Street Fighter on a competitive level. There are moments when Phil goes into detail about his “bread and butter” combos or talks about different strategies when it comes to taking on different characters compared to his main. The show was short lived but it can still be found on The Game Stations channel, if you’re looking for a heartfelt underdog story then I highly recommend giving The Street Fighter a shot. Source

Versus Valerie

Versus Valerie is a bit of series finale for a fictional character created by Hannah Spear for the character more commonly known as the Sexy Nerd Girl on her YouTube channel. Even if you didn't watch the characters vlogs over the years leading up to the web series I still think you'll find something to enjoy in this extremely charming show. It centers around Valerie Lapomme, the titular Sexy Nerd Girl, as she lives life hanging out with with her best friend Guy, shopping for comic books, going on dates, vlogging, and trying to make something of herself as a mid 20 something living in Toronto. The brilliant thing about this series is how each episode is structured like or makes homage to popular shows, films and games such as Star Wars, Doctor Who, Memento, and The Matrix just to name a few. On top of that the show is surprisingly well produced and written for something that spawned from a fictional vlog series, Valarie and Guy are much more fleshed out and all the characters including them have some really fantastic character arcs and moments in the show. Valerie’s awkwardness and extremely nerdy imagination felt embracingly relatable to me personally since I often imagine different situations in my life in relation to my own nerdy fandoms. What I was often taken aback by when I first watched the show years ago was just how enjoyable all of the episodes were in their own special way, and the pay off of it all really feels like a proper satisfying ending to the strange and imaginative journey we’ve been on with Valerie. If it peaks your interest at all then you can still find the full series on the Veruse Valerie YouTube channel as well as some of the vlogs prior to the series on the Sexy Nerd Girl channel as well. It’s well worth a viewing and aside from the fantastic lead characters of Guy and Valerie the show also managed to grab Mark Meer as a supporting character, aka the voice of COMMANDER MOTHER F^*$(^% SHEPARD BABY!!!  Source

[sleekervae]

The Neighbour [0.3]

Something was irrevocably different with Remington; Emerson picked it off right away. On an early Tuesday afternoon, with the air thick and humid and the sun beating down like a plague (no pun intended), Remington was fussing over himself more than usual. He had changed out of four or five different outfits, playing with his hair, and was it appropriate for him to wear makeup? Eva hadn't seen him with it on, yet. No, it was probably best to keep it casual for now. Then again, he had a fantastic highlight that worked absolute magic under the sun...

It was around eleven thirty when Remington finally came down, dressed down but still presentable in a simple pair of ripped skinny jeans and a t-shirt. Emerson and Shy were sat on the couch as they watched Netflix, Pepper situated between them. Remington stopped short when he saw the pair cuddled up on the couch, he smiled deviously.

"Eugh! You guys are so flippin' cute it's gross!" he gushed, putting on his diva voice.

Shy chuckled softly, "Hi Rem,"

Emerson's attention diverted to his older brother, intrigued to see him all ready to go out somewhere.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Coffee with Eva," Remington replied simply.

"The neighbour with the cat?" Shy said.

"Yeah," Remington nodded, "Emerson tell you she gave us a loaf of bread last week?"

"He did," she smiled, "Poor thing, I felt for her. She looked so flustered at the pool,"

"Well, moving is a bitch already. Throw in Covid 19 and you got a real thorn in the ass," Emerson said, then turning back to his brother, "You gonna' be social distancing?"

"We're going to drink our coffee and walk around in the park," Remington replied, "She works from home anyway,"

"So, who asked who for the coffee?" Emerson asked.

Remington shrugged, stopping at the hallway mirror to fix his hair again, "She brought up how she hasn't had a chance to get around the neighbourhood, so I offered, she accepted. She has our vinyl too,"

"Which one?" Emerson asked.

"Boom Boom Room,"

"Side A or B?"

"A,"

"I'd approve either way,"

Shy couldn't help but subconsciouly squeeze Emerson's arm, a glimmer of excitement bursting behind her eyes, "So, she's a fan, too?"

"Took her a minute to figure it out. Didn't even bring up Em or Seb, so clearly she pays more attention to me," the blonde smirked.

Emerson glowered at his brother, "Yeah, yeah, go for your cup of fuck-off-ee," he grumbled.

Across the street, with her room strewn in discarded clothes that just didn't make the cut, Eva finally felt confident standing in her denim skirt and black tee. On any other day she'd have paired the ensemble with her pleather jacket, but it was too damn hot out. Even with the window letting in a cool breeze, the air was uncomfortably humid. What did she expect when moving from the Emerald City to Los Angeles?

Eva made sure to close and latch the window shut before she left, not eager for Pluto to go off on another reign of terror. Stopping to grab a fresh face mask, her phone suddenly began to vibrate in her purse. She figured it might have been Remington sending her a text, but the screen flashed to the Blocked Caller ID. Eva rolled her eyes and denied the call.

Stepping out into the humidity, Eva waved her hand over her face as she stepped out of the complex courtyard, just at the same time Remington was locking the door to his house. As soon as she caught his eye, he was all smiles.

She was glad to see him; a little relieved, even. He looked cool, cool enough to appear on some grungy magazine cover. All he needed to complete the look was a cigarette and maybe a skateboard, too. The messy blonde hair, the glimmer in his eyes brought back the warmth she associated with his presence and as she came to meet him at his car, his spicy cologne danced up her nose and imprinted itself in her olfactory memory.

Remington had never been more wary of how his hands shook, his left hand he stuffed into his jean pocket and the right he gripped his car keys with a vice-esque grip. He found himself mesmerized briefly by the fit of her skirt, her black t-shirt tucked in smoothly but not too tight to over expose her figure, but just enough to give Remington an idea. Her short brown hair fell delicately over her face, one side pushed back behind her ears and exposing her stormy blue eyes to the sunshine. She was the embodiment of innocence and grunge wrapped into a perfect five-foot-six package.

"Glad you didn't stand me up," he grinned.

"Well, I kind of happen to live right over there," she drawled, pointing to her balcony, "It'd be kind of awkward and hard to hide if I tried,"

"You look really nice," he nodded after a brief moment.

"So do you," she agreed with confidence, "Where we off to?"

There was a forested park not far from where they lived. Despite the pandemic, the fields were filled with older kids playing games of soccer and basketball, there were vendors out trying to sell their ice cream, a couple girls were scattered across the grass and sunbathing. It almost all seemed so normal, if not for the fact that the kid's jungle gym had been fenced off so no child could climb upon it.

The pair walked side-by-side, him with his iced black coffee and her with a green tea frapp -- no whipping cream. The gravel path they walked was shaded by a canopy of lush green trees, providing some relief from the hammering heat. Remington kept his gaze locked on her, worried to miss a moment where she'd crack a smile or briefly run her tongue over her lips. Her fingers appeared so dainty yet he could spot the small calluses at the middle joint of her thumb, and some paper cuts on her middle and index fingers.

"So, how does a ghostwriter get hired?" Remington asked, "Do you just openly advertise 'hey! If you're a lazy author, come hire me'?"

"No," Eva shook her head with a giggle, "I used to write articles for the newsletter at my college, and then a friend of mine forwarded me an email about a client who was looking for a ghostwriter. I didn't know much about it but the money was pretty good. It was a grant application for requesting financial aid for survivors of residential schools,"

"Sounds depressing," Remington said.

"It was pretty heavy shit," Eva admitted, "But, I did get fifteen-hundred for a six page application. Well worth it, I'd say,"

Remington blew an impressed whistle, "So you make pretty good money off of this?"

"Let's just say my student debt has decreased significantly since I took up the profession," and she took a brief sip of her drink.

"You ever publish anything under your own name?" he asked, "Eva Kuznetsov is a cute pen name. Evelina sounds more mature, though..."

Eva shrugged, "I think about it sometimes... but it's just easier to write under someone else's name and let them have all the glory. Say, if they happen to do something stupid to forever tarnish their career, that won't come back to bite me in the ass,"

Remington smirked, "Like a particular fantasy author who's made some pretty heavy comments concerning the trans community?"

"Let's not even talk about that, my heart still breaks when I think about it," Eva sighed, "To answer your question, however, if I got confident enough I may try to publish something in the future,"

"What else do you like to write?"

Eva opened her mouth but closed it quickly, pressing together her petunia pink lips as she visibly swallowed whatever words were about to pass through them. When she looked up at Remington again, his brown eyes dark like soaked coffee grinds that sent her into a caffeinated headrush. What would he think if she actually told him...

"I write poems, some short stories," she somewhat lied.

Remington's smile grew wider, mischief glimmering over his face like light beams reflecting over windchimes in a saturated dusk, "You hesitated just now," he spoke curiously, "What else do you write?"

Eva glanced down at the ground, a nervous giggle bubbling out and knocking the air out of her lungs, "Okay listen, don't judge me, it's just a hobby of mine,"

"Oh God!" Remington gasped, "Do you write porn?"

Eva laughed again, her pale cheeks flushing in red, "Well... I do happen write some naughty shit... in my fanfictions,"

Remington stopped dead in his tracks, taken aback by her answer. He totally thought she would say something along the lines of erotic fiction on a platform like Literotica. For understandable reasons, he had some mixed emotions about fanfictions.

"What kind of fanfiction?" he asked, somewhat bordering on the third degree.

"... Um..." she glanced at him again, the smirk on his lips compelling more giggles to burst from hers. She pressed her hands together over her nose and mouth, and Remington laughed as well.

"Okay listen, I promise," he put his right hand over his chest, "I promise I will not judge you for whatever smut you write for whoever," he assured her.

"It's not... yeah, I guess it kind of is," Eva chuckled nervously, "I usually write for stuff like Criminal Minds, but more lately I've gotten into writing for Euphoria..." she trailed off, timid as she waited for his response.

"Alright, that's actually not bad," he nodded, "I'll be honest, you didn't strike me as somebody who write fanfics,"

Eva glanced timidly at her scuffed sneakers, kicking up pebbles and dust, "Are fanfic writers supposed to look a certain way?"

"I don't know, actually," he simpered.

"I don't tell a lot of people that I do it, mainly because their first impression is either 'what the fuck' or 'OMG we should collaborate' and I'm just like," she hung her head back, "Nooo!"

"You're more of a soloist then a team player, then?" he teased.

"Let's just say I tend to work better alone," she replied, shrugging her shoulders as though the comment should mean nothing. But Remington found it odd that Eva was out here all on her own, never brought up her friends or family. He didn't see many personal effects in her apartment, neither.

"Is that why you're out here by yourself?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Well... don't take this the wrong way, but I haven't really seen you with anybody. You don't talk about your friends or your family,"

Eva shrugged again, "They're all back in Seattle. Besides, opportunity was drying up over there and I just wanted a fresh start," she said, "Besides, Pluto's my friend,"

"Well, that's a given," he replied, "Are your parents up in Seattle?"

"My dad is," she nodded, "I don't know what my mom's doing," Remington's silent was her cue to go on, "I um... we haven't really spoken, her and I,"

"You have a falling out?" he asked suddenly.

Eva glared down at the gravel again, "You can call it that. She's a pilot and she's always flying, and so you know, I never really got to see much of her growing up. And then, she suddenly shows up for my college graduation and expects us to be one big happy family, like she has it in her head that she can make up for all the birthdays and shit she's missed. And I just didn't know what to say to her. I don't know who she is, but she's my mom," she glanced up at Remington again, "And I don't know why I'm telling you all of this,"

Remington wasn't bothered by her unloading, it seemed as though Eva needed to get things off her chest more than she realized. Her smile was sardonic and her voice petty like a comedian on stage, putting on the brave 'I don't give a fuck anymore' face.

"I find sometimes it's easier to unload to new people then it is to your friends," he said, "What does your dad do?"

"Chem professor. Which is ironic because I seriously sucked at chemistry," she replied.

"Show me a kid who didn't struggle in chem, honestly," he said, "But do you get along with your dad?"

"For the most part," she chuckled, "He's still confused as to why I choose to write anonymously, but that's his problem. What do your parents do?"

Remington chewed on the inside of his cheek, "My mom's kind of like our manager. Does a lot of production and behind the scenes stuff. And I haven't seen my dad for nearly twenty years,"

Eva was silent for a moment, studying him. He spoke with a firm grin, yet still trying to shadow that flicker of sadness within his face.

"So we both have parental issues... that's nice to know," she put on a teasing grin, "Maybe that's why we make such good friends?"

Remington swallowed thickly, "So, you are indeed confirming we are friends?"

"I am," she smiled, "It'd be nice to have whatever few I can scrape up,"

"That fact that you also live across the street means that you're now stuck with me," Remington grinned with pride.

"True," Eva hummed appreciatively, taking another sip of her drink, "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind, though,"

When Remington drove her home she gave him a sweet and polite goodbye, a hug which made his confident exterior falter for a second long enough for her to witness it through the flush in his cheeks and his lack of response. His words tripped over the length of his tongue when he tried to flush out a proper goodbye and he felt his hands began to quiver again.

And when he went to open his door, he took one last glance. The small brunette turned at the same time and met his gaze, but he was too far away to hear her sharp inhale. And when he finally went inside he fall back against the door, staring into space with the biggest grin he'd had on since... well, he couldn't remember when he last felt so excited.

[rumandtimes]

Does Cultural Appropriation Apply to Natalie Portman?

Sean Ezersky

Assoc. Fantasy Contributor

Does appropriation apply to the worst parts of European cultures?

Today, I want to discuss cultural appropriation. Yes, the issue of the times. But what exactly is cultural appropriation? Well, nobody knows. Starting at the first word, it claims to be some kind of appropriation. And it has something to do with culture.

Firstly, it should be said that this article has nothing to actually do with cultural appropriation. That is because cultural appropriation is essentially defined by racism. The term first appears, so it goes, as a description of how racist citizens of England marginalised and exploited the peoples of the Caribbean, and attacked sections of the working class schtick, for fun. Sounds evil enough.

The term cultural appropriation cannot be used as a mild term or played around with much, because it is by definition a form of misconduct. The term cultural appropriation is defined by the words “inappropriate,” “racist,” and “commercialist.” There is no redeeming quality to cultural appropriation because cultural appropriation is used to describe exclusively irredeemable activity, markedly opposite to cultural exchange or respect.

Consider the worst perpetrator in the United Kingdom and the United States: hip-hop / rap music, curly hair, or a summer tan. Racists always attack these music genres and human characteristics un-European, placing them into the same box on the fringes of their minds, but at the same time view themselves as ‘cultured’ for dipping into the same music, view themselves as ‘interesting’ for factory curling their hair, or view themselves as ‘unique’ for getting a spray-on tan. There is a murderous and delirious sense of bad irony, that racists altogether marginalise, demonise, and lust after perfectly normal traits and human practices, which the racist calls exotic, for fear of being labelled as freaks themselves. That is cultural appropriation.

Another bad actor is the billion-dollar yoga industry in Western nations as well, which attempts at every corner to steal Indian culture then mutilate the original concept, taking the yoga gurus off the cover and planting in some body-bleaching whores, or some wavy Italian guy, to appeal to the racist American, à la youth female target audience. All the while, Hinduism, inextricable from yoga’s origins while not necessarily the same as yoga in any way, is viewed as a false and inexpiable religion by most people in the West. Yoga was not learned from the Hindu, it was looted, and replaced with a shallow, cruel, commercial, and disgraceful attempt to Europeanise and trivialise the hobby while selling it the crude sex markets. That is a form of cultural genocide and religion-sacking. That is cultural appropriation.

But this article is not about cultural appropriation, in a way. The distinction was only added to please those offended by the comparison. This article is about movies, as part of a series of Star Wars critiques, and it’s about Natalie Portman.

Long have I harboured a question about Natalie Portman’s career, as it is so vapid yet so prolific, so vain yet so ubiquitous. This is just the opportunity. Natalie Portman got her start in acting as a 16-year-old leading actress on Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. She returned three years later as a 19-year-old lead on Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, where her character dies. After moving on from the Star Wars prequels, she used that resume to enrol at Harvard University to study psychology.

She has actually commented on this, as all Harvard associates eventually do, saying she and her peers felt she was only enrolled because she was in Star Wars, and this insecurity led her to push harder than her friends in her classes and challenge herself by picking ‘harder-than-necessary’ classes. Still, psychology is the most common undergraduate degree major among women, so hardly original. Whether or not Natalie invites the assessment or feels it is correct, this is undoubtedly true; She, as most people, never would have been looked at by Harvard if she did not have some kind of bank of riches or wealth of limelight that could be mined by the admissions board. Natalie might want to be viewed as a genius of “Hebrew literature” who stood out among the crowd, but that is just impossible parlour speak. Not that she deserves to go to Harvard any less than anyone else, no one deserves to go to Harvard, as Harvard in the 20th Century existed for the sole purpose of excluding people who were not rich, famous, or connected: not academics, so Natalie’s lie to herself merely parrots Harvard’s lie to the world.

But I want to go back just a second. Yes, Natalie Portman said she studied Hebrew at Harvard, even if not intensely enough to double-major in it. That is because her name is not actually Natalie Portman. Her name is Neta-Li Herschlag, and she is Jewish. So, studying Hebrew isn’t impressive knowing she speaks fluent Hebrew at home. That is not to undermine literature, as English-speakers still study English literature, but it’s hardly extraordinary. Hershlag, as I will now be exclusively referring to her, is using her association to Harvard, Judaism, and other, lesser, things to seem smart, yet all of those were gifted to her by either birth or Star Wars.

Now comes the question of cultural appropriation. Neta-Li started her acting footprint as an understudy for the part of Elle Woods in Broadway plays. Yes, that Elle Woods, aside Britney Spears no less. It hardly seems like the right role for a good Jewish girl. But lo, there are some who might point out that Hershlag is an Ashkenazi, and therefore not actually Jewish, that is, not a Semitic person. This is a touchy subject for the Jewish community, particularly since the establishment of Israel: Who actually is Jewish, by means of ethnicity or heritage, and not just language and religion? Is there a meaningful distinction between the Semitic Jewish culture that remained in the Levant, the Sephardic Jewish culture that emigrated to Africa and Iberia, the Mizrahi Jewish culture in Iran and Arabia, the Yiddish Jewish culture that stuck around in Germany, and the Ashkenazi Jewish culture that settled Eastern Europe? Really, who knows, and that is a deeper question; a question, perhaps, for a student of Hebrew literature, wherever we should find one.

Nonetheless, Hershlag is most certainly not British. That Israeli-American nuance is fine for the world of “Naboo” in Star Wars, which ideally would defy every concept of the term “ethnicity,” but works less congruously for Elle Woods. In Star Wars, Hershlag was a doppelganger of Keira Knightly, a dyad which has persisted the entirety of Netali’s 30-year-long career. Here too, we find questions.

Netali gave an interview, which I discuss almost on a daily basis among my social circle, where she firmly wanted to establish herself as a kind of British legacy. She said, of herself, “I iron out my Jew curls” and bleaches/dyes her hair, for no particular reason other than she wants to, and thinks it will make her fit in. Netali also went on to say that no one has naturally yellow hair — which is true, they don’t — implying that a non-Jewish, European actress would not face the same questions about her hair she did. Because the concept of hair straightening and hair bleaching are Nazi holdovers in British and American culture, and as someone who personally hates Nazis, this endlessly infuriates me. All the more so because Hershlag identifies as Jewish!

If Hershlag thinks modifying her hair to make it look ‘more European,’ or, more correctly (since almost all young Europeans have brown hair), to make it look more Hitlerite, more ‘Arianised,’ is acceptable, then she must either view herself as European first and Jewish second, or just care very little about the legacy of antisemitic racism. Why else would a person who calls herself Jewish want to alter her appearance so drastically, in order to look like a posterchild for one of the Hitler Youth?

Many Jewish-Americans feel pressures of Nazi antisemitism and colonial racism in the United States, and many Ashkenazim respond to that by changing their names, Nazifying their looks, and abandoning the Jewish religion. Netali retains a veneer of her Jewishness on the inside, within her own self-perception, while turning into the Arianised version of the Elle Woods archetype on the outside, for the world to see. Is she just playing a part? Is there a real difference in the personality and values of Netali Hershlag vs. Natalie Portman?

People don’t treat her as such. Keira Knightly, for instance, is an Englishwoman. Knightly claims she is ‘British,’ not English, but she is definitely English. Intriguingly, Knightly never went to school, reportedly a dyslexic, while Hershlag, in the Jewish stereotype, went straight to Harvard College. I wouldn’t say Hershlag seems like a nice person, she seems like an ordinary person. Remember that she is part of the Star Wars pantheon of small-time actors who were lifted by George Lucas to notoriety, like Mark Hamill (despite him being my favourite Star Wars actor, I can never remember his name), Harrison Ford, and of course, Sir Alec Guinness CBE.

Jokes aside, with all the classically-trained, upper-class, heavy-hitters from Britain — Peter Cushing OBE, Sir Christopher Lee CBE, and Sir Alec — not to mention the affable nobodies from Hamill to Ford, most Star Wars people are considered likable, especially by fans of nerdom.

That is not to say anyone was struggling, as every lead character in Star Wars was already documented as rich and famous by the time they were cast, but they were “nobodies” in the sense they were not household names until after the film became one of the first Hollywood summer “blockbusters” in history.

Most of all, it is undeniable that, other than Lucas, no one defined the Star Wars films as much as Carrie Fisher, if not for a want of contrast. Fisher was the only female character in all three of the movies, and both the predecessor and counterpart to Hershlag’s character in the Star Wars prequels. Does Hershlag meet the comparison?

The two are very different, both personally and on-screen. Fisher at the age of 19 had sex with numerous middle-aged members of the cast, often the only female and only teenager in a room of dozens of men, forbidden to wear a bra or choose her own hairstyle but allowed to partake in the rumoured plethora of drugs on the set. Hershlag, part of Star Wars from 16 to 19, was entirely unremarkable, both in life and profession, not a very impressive actor or much of a hoot. Again, the good Jewish girl. Some blame Netali’s poorly role on the weakness of the prequels compared to the originals, just as some blame Carrie’s bipolar diagnosis for her eccentricity. Both of these are half-truths, as personality and talent can never be substituted for anything other than what they are. Nonetheless, Fisher and Hershlag were both made rich and famous. While Hershlag is the lesser in terms of her performance, she probably got in the end a much better long-term deal.

A boring role meant Netali would not be immediately typecast, though she went on to play exclusively the girl-next-door leading female interest for a male protagonist, much the same as in Star Wars: Episode II. Coming into acting younger meant she could largely leave acting after childhood, then return to it later as an adult experience. Moreover, we never got to see teenage Netali chained to a bed in a gold bikini.

Our good, Jewish girl.

So, if Hershlag is playing roles given mostly to British, or Hitlerite, actresses, is she not taking away from the British actor? There are too many actors in the world. They are overexposed and over paid, seen too much and given too much, as they are in the same camp as clowns, entertainers, and comedians. But, people like to be entertained, and in the world of capitalism where only money is worship in lapse of dignity, anything people like sells, and anything that sells can make people rich, and riches are a substitute for class, if only a thin one. Just as the weak-minded can be fooled by the Force, so are they easily bought and sold. The British or American actor suffers for nothing, and there are too many of them as it is.

But, does Hershlag have a place in displacing them, or moulding in to become one of them? And would it be cultural appropriation? Undeniably, Netali is conforming to something objectionable when she plays simple roles as sex objects and Hitlerite women, embracing if not embodying the racism and problematic nature of Hollywood casting. But then again, it is with her very body that she represents this trend. One could defend Hershlag, saying she is made to do these things, that she is not so much appropriating Western culture for her ends, but more so that Western culture is stifling her true self, at least if she wants to continue to have a role in acting.

An interesting counter-point, but undermined by Hershlag’s particular brand of coy self-promotion, and eagerness in taking on such roles. And are the Jewish people entirely exploited by Hollywood? In many respects, so-called Europeans are exploited by powerful Jewish moguls in media more often than the other way around, even if they are Jewish Europeans themselves. Harvey Weinstein, a Jewish millionaire who sexually assaulted non-Jewish Western women in order to get them roles, his Jewishness hardly made a ripple.

The biggest names in Hollywood: Steven Spielberg, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Rudd, Marta Kauffman, J.J. Abrams, Scarlett Johansson, Harrison Ford, John Stewart, Louis Szekely, Mila Kunis, Daniel Radcliffe, Rachel Weisz, Gal Gadot, Roseanne Barr, Judd Apatow, Marcus Loew, Lauren Bacall, Adam Sandler, Amy Schumer, Larry David, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cassidy Freeman, Stanley Kubrick, Jennifer Connelly, Richard Dreyfuss, Samuel Goldwyn, Julia Garner, Elijah Allan-Blitz, Kirk Douglas, Ellen Barkin, Ingrid Pitt, Darren Aronofsky, Eva Green, David Geffen, Lesley Ann Warren, Paul Newman, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ben Stiller, Louis B. Mayer, Alison Brie, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chuck Lorre.

As Conan O’Brien jokingly stated: “The Cash-ews run Hollywood.” Almost every major production in Hollywood has a massive Jewish section of development. The United States, for whatever reason, is a majority “Christian-identifying” country, but Judaism plays a much more massive role in the culture than Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism combined. Even most of the agnosticism in ‘progressive’ Hollywood values comes largely from material secularism, or Jewish incredulity of Christianity, not an ideological pull towards atheism. Is this cultural reproachment why Jewish people are pulled towards media and entertainment, theatre being a known haven for outcasts and oddballs? The Judeo-Protestant alliance of the Hollywood ilk would seem to disqualify the established Jewish community — rich, interconnected, secular Jewish communities of New York, Los Angeles, and DC — from being an oppressed mass.

An important editor’s note is that the actors listed are: Jewish people who adopt non-Jewish appearances or non-Jewish values to a borderline-racist degree (i.e. Eva Green: Jewish actress who plays roles bookmarked for non-Jewish Europeans), thoroughly Jewish people who refuse to identify as Jewish (i.e. Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Jewish billionaire heiress who plays Jewish characters on TV), or regular observers of Judaism who are really, really famous (i.e. J.J. Abrams: co-director of the controversial Star Wars reboot).

More often behind the scenes than on-screen, but usually leading the show when taking a starring role, the Jewish imprint is inseparable from American movies, media production, television, the comedy scene, finance, and screenwriting. Is Jewish not the ruling order of Hollywood? And then would Europeans be the group on the margins? But why, if Jewish people write, pay for, and put on the shows, are there so few Jewish actors, and of those who are, why do they not look Jewish, or a better question would be, why do they try to avoid looking Jewish, and actively attempt to look Western European? That gives the impression that Jewish people are still marginalised in media, even if they are overrepresented in media, and generally more affluent, interconnected, and educated than those non-Jewish counterparts. Why do Jewish people go out of their way to appeal to racist audiences, and in the process erase their own Jewishness.

Maybe it is because the Hollywood Jewry isn’t actually Jewish. Nothing about their jobs or their behaviours embodies the Jewish religion. Most people in Hollywood in general consider themselves as nonreligious, yet that too, might be an influence of a markedly Jewish trait. Non-Christians in the United States are much more likely to turn to atheism and agnosticism on the one hand or fanatical extremism, likely due to being outcast by the mainstream Protestant dialogue, with liberal Jewish people often going agnostic and conservative Catholics often going supercharged while Muslims live on somewhere off in the shadows of public perception.

Yet nonreligious Jewish people still identify as Jewish, separating the religion of Judaism from the ethnic mark. Faith has nothing to do with appearance, and appearance is the base of antisemitism. Enter non-Jewish-looking Jewish people, usually women with heat-flattened hair, like Netali Hershlag and Gal Greenstein Godot. That is not to say they don’t look Jewish, as in an equal measure they all do and at the same time no one does, since what a Jewish person “looks like” is a narrow heuristic based on problematic cultural expectation. That is not to say they are or aren’t Jewish. But are Jewish people like Natalie Portman being forced to conform to racist society, or are they jumping on the bandwagon of racist society and using it to their advantage? Is there actually a difference between the two?

There is a deeper question lying beneath the surface here: The questions of “Jewish complicity in racism?,” “Jewish participation in neo-Nazism?,” and “If ‘Jew’ is a ‘race’ and ‘White’ is a ‘race’ then why are there ‘White’ and ‘non-White’ Jews?,” which other people have asked before. This article is not to address those questions, but they are acknowledged.

Certainly, there are some Jewish people who attach themselves to racist tendencies and Hitlerite habits out of personal advantage in the racist countries in which they might live. In this narrative, the notional collaborator Jewish community would blame the Europeans for racism and cast themselves as convenient survivors. That is not a uniquely Jewish trait, it is a flawed human trait, bystanderism, which defies religious teachings. Why there is such a prevalence among rich, secular Jewish people, of racism mixed with liberalism, is a concern. It could be as simple that, at a certain point, the trait “rich” might start to cancel out the trait “religious.” Old guard antisemites would be unforgiving regarding hatred towards ‘ethnic Judaism,’ and contemporary racist sentiments would reject Jewish people from the points of heritage and beliefs, but it is not immediately clear if Western neo-Nazis would target non-religious Jewish people who, quote, “pass” as Euro-Christians.

If Ashkenazim, Sephardim, and Mizrahim join Western cultures, ideals, and appearances while abandoning the Jewish religion, are they functionally Jewish at all? In the absence of different brands of generational antisemitism, what is holding back an atheist Ashkenazi from becoming a Nazi themself? The Jewish community and Israel critics have been ablaze with debate about the Eurocentric, Ashkenazim-focused account of Judaism in the West, drawing attention to the issue of inter-Jewish racism and inequality among the diaspora of the Jewish faithful. This question is debated separately for Jewish communities because unity is their faith. Followers of Christianity have always cut one another down over heresies and infidelities, but discourse and diversity have defined the post-Rabbinic tradition. The notion of one Jewish diaspora being more powerful than another, based not even on secularism such as in Christianity, but based solely on racism and adjacency to Christian empires, causes non-Ashkenazi Jewish communities to question that proximity in values and appearance Western Ashkenazi populations have with the goyish counterparts. Even the terms Ashkenazi and Mizrahi have taken fundamentally racist connotations, particularly in the advent of Zionism, to separate the ‘European Jewish’ from the ‘Arabian Jewish,’ in a kind of wartime apartheid of academia; a conflict emblematic of larger paradoxes in modern Israel.

This is not the focus of this article. Obviously, Jewish people living in Western Europe and urban America are more “Western” than people who live somewhere else. And obviously, Western nations have a serious and prolonged issue with racism. However, welding those two facts together, then conflating them with Judaism in some sense, would be a mistake.

There are some racist people in Hollywood who identify as, or are identified as, Jewish. That is not the question. The question is: How does the concept of cultural appropriation contribute to that complex dynamic, of conformity and exploitation in Hollywood, even amongst the big names?

This all comes back to the perceptual balance of power. Just as the term cultural appropriation is defined as a group being in a oppressive position and exploiting something that that group itself has made derogatory.

Is Netali Hershlag appropriating Western culture? In a way, yes. As a rich, powerful Jewish actress, she could hardly be said to be put at a disadvantage to Keira Knightly (Harvard versus dropout, remember), or the millions of aspiring brown-haired actresses who are shunned from Hollywood castings. And yet, she decides to look more like them. Obviously, as an ordinary woman herself, she has been victim to the usual sexism and obsessive demands of producers and directors concerning appearances, but that is hardly so say she is a victim. At any moment, she could deign to take a different part or produce her own movies (I would balk to call them films), rather than be typecast as the sexy and innocent girl-next-door. She lives the life of the good Jewish, girl, but never takes on those types of roles, opting instead for Princess Amidala, ballerina Nina Sayers, valley girl Elle Woods, comic book Jane Foster, or Englishwoman Anne Boleyn. Hershlag could at any moment leave acting to climb the ladder a Harvard A.B. clears the way for. How could Harvard Law School, or subsequently the California Democratic caucus, say no? Who wouldn’t pay for a doctor’s visit with the woman from V For Vendetta?

This is not to say that Jewish people are appropriating or imposing themselves upon Westerners, but it is to say that there is a distinct group of Jewish people who draw from Western or Hitlerite practices while entirely avoiding ‘Juden-haus’ or ‘Euro-trash’ rhetoric that hampers people on both sides of the racist conflict. Portman is Netali’s grandmother’s name, so she does have some kind of loose claim to it, if her cousins are still go by that name and she is close with them, while Natalie is a form of the name Neta-Li, and plenty if not most actors use stage names. Many people do racist or questionable things because they are in fashion. But altogether, one must ask the question why the self ascribed curly-haired Netali Hershlag is appearing is French wig and makeup commercials. Is it raw, unidealistic money? Is it Maybelline? Or it is fake hair, fake lashes, and a fake identity?

Natalie Portman is hardly an inspiring figure for women, playing roles subservient to men, often murdered by her lovers or terribly afflicted herself. This is true in Star Wars, Black Swan, Thor, V For Vendetta, and when she played the wife of wife-killer Henry VIII. Where is the liberty in being bedded by an uxoricidal maniac, be it a tired British period piece, or the obsessive Anakin Skywalker? Body modification of any type is not the product or respect or exchange, and can only be looked down upon as unnecessary and insecure. Acting is lying, but that does not mean the actress must change their looks or change their self to read some lines to a camera.

[mha-adore]

hey! ty sm for doing the matchup exchange with me, i look forward to writing your match! i’m rita and i go by she/her pronouns. i have a preference for men & i’m 16. my quirk would be similar to shinso & inumaki from jjk,, i can control ppl and animals just by saying a command,,, an indicator for when i’m using my quirk would be my eyes changing color & a side effect to using my quirk would be getting light headed.

i’m a libra sun, aquarius moon, & leo rising. a slytherin & intj-t. i’m v polite and reserved when you first meet me. i’m pretty introverted and i have anxiety. it takes me while to open up since it takes me a while to trust ppl. i do tend to get annoyed and angry by others easily,, i’m a bit of a hot head. i’m pretty chill and like joking around once i open up,, i can also be kinda dumb. i’m a bit of a loner and i don’t have many friends. i’m actually a bit of an emotional person but only when it comes to shows, movies, books, etc,, i tend to keep my emotions bottled up. i’m self conscious and self critical. i care a lot about having perfect grades and getting into a good university but i’m so lazy (lots of breaks & procrastination) at the same time,, i end up getting everything done on time though. i’m impatient when it comes to my own things so i like doing things my way bc i feel more comfortable that way. i also like keeping things neat. i’ve also been told i have a resting sad face & that i’m intimidating. i wear a lot of black and i’d describe my style as dark academia mixed with 70s-90s fashion. when i’m at home i just wear comfortable clothing like pajama pants and a t-shirt.

my likes/hobbies/interests are baking, playing the sims, writing, and playing board games with ppl i’m close to. i also like relaxing in bed and spending time with people i’m close to and having fun. i’m interested in psychology, true crime, & history. i don’t like arrogant & closed minded people. i look for a partner who is loyal, kind, & open-minded. my love languages are gifts and quality time (both ways).

i hope this isn’t too much,, ty again! <3

Hey friend, it's my pleasure! Thanks sm for offering 💖

Can I just say super quick that your quirk is really cool? You could command an army of bears, raccoons or fire ants. I would be terrified. Also I'm an Aquarius moon and INTJ too, air moons gotta stay together. I totally got a Libra vibe off you when you first messaged me and you're super sweet 🎀 also I totally get you on the anxiety part, I have anxiety too. I know how terrifying it can be to reach out to new people so please know I'm proud of you for taking the chance to reach out to me 😊 and it's never too much; the more detail the better!

I match you with Shoto!

Say hi to the walking AC and heater unit. A couple reasons I picked him is because you mentioned having anxiety and being hot headed. With his father being, well, himself and his mother being the anxious person she is, Shoto understands both sides of the coin very well and knows how to deal with both parts. He can balance being calm and stern at the same time and he has the patience of a saint. He would give you the time and space you need to grow comfortable around new people and surroundings, as well he would be able to keep you grounded when your temper gets the best of you. He mellows you out. My personal headcanon is that he's a Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising, Ravenclaw and INFP.

He returns your jokes with dry humor. He can keep a dead serious face while making the stupidest jokes too. He could look you dead in the eye, face straight, and rip a monster fart and not giggle just to see your reaction. Honestly the image of him holding eye contact while aggressively farting is funny in my head. I know I have the humor of a 9 year old.

He isn't bothered by you not having many friends. He's a private person and doesn't want a lot of people up in his business. He prefers few close friends over many distant friends. He knows you aren't stupid and pays no attention to anything you say that may sound dumb. He's heard so much dumb shit he learned to filter it from his brain.

He understands that you're closed off on your emotions. He really can't blame you, he's quite the same. If you get a little teary eyed over a book or movie he'll let you talk it out and cry if you'd like, but he won't push you to be uncomfortably open to him. He values your happiness over his own and doesn't mind you keeping your feelings to yourself. He respects your privacy. Regardless of what you may feel conscious or critical of about yourself he's there to remind you that you're perfect. You're healthy, you're strong and you're doing the best you can. No one could ask any more from you. He's lived a majority of his life feeling outcasted and ignored because of his scar and wouldn't wish the same on anyone, so if there's any part of you that you feel bad about he's always reminding you that you have no imperfections, everything about you makes you one of a kind. You're irreplicable.

He isn't worried about you procrastinating on studying or homework. As long as you get it done and do well enough he isn't concerned. If you ever have difficulty with a subject he's happy to help you study and learn. If you want he can ask Momo to join for a study party if you want the extra help or company. He just wants to see you succeed and get into the college of your cotton candy dreams. Oh and don't worry about your tuition, he has it covered. Don't even mention it to him it'll already be paid off, including books and living arrangements. He only wants you to pay him back by doing your best in school and showing him you can handle the hard work.

He always has a suggestion on ways you can do things but he knows you prefer to do them by yourself, so he'll neber bombard you with his ideas. If you ask for his input he has plenty to give but otherwise he gives you the room to make your own moves. He's a neat freak himself and is always happy to help you keep your room clean and well put together. He has good room decor ideas too if you want to spruce up your room.

He really doesn't see you as intimidating. He sees a confident, independent and strong young woman who can hold her own. He occasionally wonders if you're really sad or if that's just your expression and he'll occasionally ask. He's only making sure you're okay. If you're sad he's on it with a cute or funny movie, some snacks, a shoulder to cry on and a whole night's worth of stuff to talk about.

He likes your sense of fashion, he enjoys darker and warmer colors. He lives for the 80s aesthetic and loves to see you mix the two so effortlessly. He can, wants to and will give you his t shirts to wear at home. He'll also loan you hoodies and sweaters. He won't outright buy you a hoodie, he'll buy one for himself and let you get away with stealing it from him.

He's so soft for home made cookies and would love for you to make him some. Home made dinners are also great. He would love to help you bake and would enjoy baking dates. He'll also watch shows like Hell's Kitchen with you. He isn't exactly a huge gamer but he likes simulation games and RPGs like Sims, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, Harvest Moon etc. He'll binge these games with you all day and night. Your Sims have to get married to each other it's the law. He enjoys reading what you write - what you don't mind sharing of course. He won't go peeking in your personal writing, he knows it isn't his place. Concerning what you do share he'll read it with great interest and share his thoughts and any ideas he has. He would really enjoy writing something with you, like a short story or a comic. He loves how you convey your writing and would be honored to take part in it. His favorite board game is Candy Land, a close second being Monopoly, followed by Scrabble. He pulls out a big ass dictionary during Scrabble just to prove to people that he knows his vocabulary. He loves you dearly but all bets are off during Monopoly, it's a dog eat dog world and he isn't bailing you out of jail. He will, however, offer you real money in turn for properties in the game. No that isn't cheating the rules say nothing about it. He has no problem with a lazy day in bed though and wouldn't mind just dozing or watching shows together. Any time spent with you is time spent well. You two could watch paint dry together and he would have a blast. He'll buy the paint.

With his personal involvment in hero work he has lots of info on true crime cases and can share stories and books with you. He has everything from small robberies to Ted Bundy and beyond. If you have a question about a true crime case he has an answer. As for psychology I imagine he would study it himself, perhaps as a secondary career or freelance hobby. He'll examine characters from books and movies with you and run his own behavioral analysis unit from his bedroom. The FBI doesn't hold a candle to him. He can, will and already has tracked down your enemies and he has their addresses. With his father being the new number one hero he essentially has the force of the law in his hands and if need be, he will use it. He won't do anything unjust unless your safety is in jeopardy but he won't hesitate to bring someone down. As for history he has plenty of books ranging from founding of countries to wars, to major technological advancements to the invention of toilet paper. He knows some very niche history facts. If you need to impress a teacher with knowledge on history he has you covered. He'll make the teacher quit their job in shame.

Shoto is absolutely loyal to the end, open minded and kind to a fault. He understands how it's like to be ignored, misunderstood and bullied and he won't treat anyone else that way. Regardless of his opinion on someone he still gives them respect and kindness. He doesn't care how rude or petty someone acts, they're still a human and deserve to be treated as such.

He goes out of his way to buy you special gifts, he values personal meaning over monetary value. Between a basic cheap necklace and an expensive bracelet of your favorite gemstone and color, you bet he's going for the bracelet. The cost isn't important to him, he just wants to see your face light up when you open the gift. As for gifts from you he doesn't care about how much you spent, he just wants something from the heart. You could give him an origami swan that cost you nothing to make and he would treasure it like a rare antique. As for quality time, he always enjoys a good movie, board game, cuddle session or just a nap. Like I mentioned before, any time spent together is time spent well.

I hope you enjoyed this friend!! 🥀 I'll be sending my part your way soon, thanks again for the offer! I had a lot of fun with this one 😘