#what if different decisions completely changed the course of history... the song of ice and fire... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

biletdoux · 4 years ago

Text

stages of love | j.jh

Pairing | jung jaehyun (nct) + female!reader Rating | M Genre + Tropes | college!au, romance (angst, fluff, smut) Warnings | explicit language, alcohol consumption, instant love?, sexual content (drunk sex, receiving and giving oral, penetration, cow girl position, nipple play), greyzone fidelity Length | 15k+

Summary | A playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart

(Or; your relationship with Jung Jaehyun in ten songs.)

Note: ahhhhhhh!!!! we finally did it boisssss. this fic has been a long time coming and honestly im sick and tired of jaehyun. i’ve spent too long thinking about him for this fic smh. this is also my first time writing smut so we’ll see how that goes lmao. anyway this was a long labor of love so please let me know what you thought of it !!! <333

1. Peach by IU

smitten at first sight.

“How can I explain this feeling?”

“Alright, I think that sums up about everything we need to cover for today’s lecture. Remember, most of this will be on your final exam. Any questions before you’re all dismissed?”

Your professor looks up from the board, scans the room and all he sees are most of the students waiting with bated breath, itching to leave the class, and half of those students having already packed their belongings in anticipation. He held them back an extra twenty five minutes today, which is notably longer than previous lectures in which he delayed dismissal.

“Okay, you’re free to go. Chapters nineteen and twenty are due the next time we meet.”

You breathe out a sigh of relief, ready to head out with the rest of the class. You like Professor Jang and find that he makes history somewhat digestible, but he has a tendency to lose track of time, which is inconvenient, but more so today since you have agreed to meet up with Yeri. You glance at your phone to see text notifications and curse to yourself. You’re already ten minutes late and Yeri is many things and impatient is one of them.

You’re one of the first out of the small lecture hall and you shoot her a quick reply before making your way to the oncampus cafe. Through quickened strides and shortcuts engrained from cross-campus treks from class to class, you arrive in record time. You’re slightly out of breath and impressed by your speed, but you stop, frozen in your tracks when you see Yeri’s displeased face. You find her situated in a small, but cozy corner next to the windows, already unpacked with notebooks and papers strewn on the desk ready to review for exams. It's one of the best study spots in the cafe and you immediately know your best friend had to come extra early to nab such a sought after table.

“About time,” she scowls, “what took you so long?”

You shoot her an apologetic look, “aww, Yeri,” you pout your lips a little too dramatically, “I’m sorry. I just came from history and you know how Professor Jang is.”

Yeri looks at your jutted lips in disgust, but then her face softens in consideration. “Hm, I do know Jang.” She scrunches up her nose remembering her time in his class last semester. “That old man can talk for days on end and he never lets anyone leave class early. I guess I’ll let you go this time.”

You beam at her knowing she’s no longer angry for your tardiness. “Great, drinks are on me today. It’s the least I can do for being late.” Yeri forgives as easily and as quickly as she loses her temper. You learned this after a few weeks of being her roommate.

Yeri says nothing in silent agreement and you place your stuff down across the table next to the chair she reserves for you. You pull out your wallet and weave through the packed cafe to head to the order counter. The line is long and you patiently review the menu. Your roommate has consistent tastes and always orders a vanilla frappuccino regardless of which cafe she goes to, but you base your decision on your mood. You mull over your choices and by the time you reach the barista taking your order, you decide you’re in an ‘iced Americano’ kind of mood today. You have exams on top of exams you need to review for and a stronger caffeine kick is much needed.

After paying, you head back to the table with two drinks in tow. Yeri takes her drink and after you both take a few sips and catch up for the day, you dive straight to work. The two of you decide to review for statistics.

Between re-summarizing chapters and answering review questions, you muse to yourself about how your college experience thus far hasn't been that much different from your high school life. You didn’t necessarily hate high school, per say, but it was safe to say you didn’t enjoy it. Your heart was in the arts, specifically music, and you had found studying the core subjects to be boring and tedious. You remember being ecstatic to have been accepted and enrolled in a performing arts college, foolishly thinking your days of solving differential equations and memorizing chemical formulas were over. You specifically remember daydreaming of your hours being filled with keyboard practice and composition notes and only such things. Somehow the reality of mandatory general education courses slipped your mind when you constructed such fantasies.

Despite frivolous and preconceived notions of college, you have already survived a semester and you are nearly through your second.

“Hey, do you remember when this stats assignment is due?” Yeri’s inquiring voice snaps you out of your brief reverie and you search your cluttered brain for a date.

“Uh, I think it’s due, like, a few days before the final, but I’d have to double check.”

Yeri nods. “Alright, well let’s take a small break. We have some time till then, we don’t have to finish all of it today.”

You happily agree and set down your pen. Yeri takes a sip of her frappuccino and you lean over the table to get closer to her. “Anyway, did you hear about what happened with Jiwon and Youngjae from the entertainment management department?”

Her eyes glisten with wicked interest. “No. Do tell.”

Break time is always synonymous with gossip hour between you and Yeri.

You spend the next fifteen minutes dishing what you know and Yeri offers her own input whenever she feels fit.

“And they think they’re being discreet, but the whole dorm knows they’ve been sneaking around, but guess wha─” Before you can finish your sentence, you are cut off by a loud and energetic voice calling out Yeri’s name.

The two of you look up to see a slim and boyish brunet waving to Yeri and excitedly making his way to your table. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t quite place your finger on it, so you let it go.

He smiles happily at Yeri and greets her. “Hey Yeri, how’s it going?” He notices you there and gives you a polite wave, which you return in the same manner.

Yeri replies back breezily, but with her full attention. “Good. Did you need anything, Mark?”

He flushes just the slightest bit, but it doesn’t escape your eyes. “Erm, nothing I just wanted to remind you that we’re meeting for the music theory project tomorrow at four. I would’ve texted, but I forgot to get your number in class, and I saw you here and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you.”

Yeri’s eyes widen, “ah right! I completely forgot about it. It’s a good thing you found me here today, huh? Here, I’ll give you my number.”

She reaches her hand out her hand expectantly, and Mark is confused before scrambling to pull out his phone. You can tell Mark looks flustered while Yeri is calmly putting in her contact information. After finishing, she hands his phone back, “okay, all set. Just shoot me a text so I have your number as well. Thanks for reminding me today or I probably would’ve forgotten and not have shown up or something.”

Mark smiles again, this time a little more sure than before. “All good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yeri.”

They wave goodbye and you watch Mark scamper from the cafe. Your eyes follow him, but Yeri is already focused on you again, paying Mark’s retreating form no mind.

“So…” you start.

“So?” She returns.

“He’s cute.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugged. “I barely know him though. We have music theory together, but this is the first time we’ve talked all semester and we’re only talking because we got paired up for a project.”

Yeri seems apathetic and you study her closely. You notice she’s acting a little too stiffly carefree to be truly indifferent to the situation. You can’t help, but to tease her a bit. “Well, make the most out of this project then.”

Yeri gives you a hard look and you decide to let it go despite finding your best friend’s situation to be amusing.

“Anyway, keep telling me about Jiwon and Youngjae. You never finished.” Yeri changes the topic, knowing that you might decide to pester her again if she doesn’t.

“As I was saying,” you started up again. A figure outside catches your attention and you peer outside through the window past Yeri’s shoulders. You realize it’s Mark and you watch with interest as he gestures excitedly, pointing to something in his hand, you assume his phone, to some of his friends. From there your eyes wander absentmindedly from one person to the next, and it’s when you see him.

The reaction is almost instantaneous.

“Like you were saying?” Yeri urges, but her words fall on deaf ears, for all your attention is captured by the boy next to Mark with heart-shaped lips.

When you see said boy laugh, you notice he has moon for eyes and you unconsciously suck in a sharp breath. You must have been staring too intently without noticing because he turns his head in your direction and you two hold direct eye contact. Like a deer caught in headlights, you freeze and lose all rational thought. Your head is completely blank. You have never seen someone so beautiful and your mind does not know how to process any sensory information at the moment.

Someone calls the boy away and the entire group of friends leave. It’s only then do you find yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding onto so tightly. Your heart is pounding and you feel as though blood is rushing through your ears.

“Hello?” Yeri sounds annoyed, but you struggle to find the words to answer her.

You feel a sudden heat rush to color your cheeks a vibrant red and a feeling surges through you that leaves you out of breath and weak at the knees. A steady warmth washes over you quietly and you feel it deep within yourself and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.

How silly, you muse. Not to be dramatic, but you think you’re in love.

2. Shadow by f(x)

adoration from afar.

“I’m really really into you.”

The next few weeks are packed to the brim with assignments and papers, but despite this, you still find time for your personal research into the boy who was with Mark that day.

Being the obvious first and easiest option, you beg Yeri to ask Mark directly about his friend, but she immediately shoots you down.

“No. Absolutely not. At least not anytime soon anyway,” she huffs. “I’ve barely held two full conversations with him, like hell the next is gonna be about his friend just cause my best friend started thirsting over him after one glance. I mean come on, girl.” She shakes her head at you.

Yeri’s right and you apologize to her for being thoughtless of her situation. She doesn’t say it, but she seems really hopeful about the music theory project and what might bloom from it. You would not want to impede on such possibilities of happiness for your friend, so you let that option go, but Yeri promises to help in other ways and she does.

Somehow between caffeine fueled cram sessions and sleep deprivation, you, with Yeri’s help manage to find out more about the boy. You casually ask around in your contemporary writing and production department and she offers help by searching her vocal performance department.

You find out his name is Jung Jaehyun and he’s a third year in the musical theatre department and that he’s a member of the local chapter of the performing arts fraternity on campus. You also discover his Instagram handle and you find yourself skimming through his page throughout the day more often than you’re willing to admit to any living soul.

You occasionally see him around campus since you first saw him at the cafe and each time, you can feel your heart hammer in your chest and you become so flustered to the point of your sympathetic nervous system activating. Unfortunately for you, your body unconsciously chooses flight each and every time at the sight of Jaehyun because you can always feel your knees go weak and your body lurch away to escape in any direction that isn’t Jaehyun’s. You kind of hate yourself each time you do, but you can’t help it. He’s just so pretty that it’s intimidating!

You try to think positive after the bouts of shame you experience after each escapade.

Well there’s no way to embarrass yourself in front of him if you run away before having the chance to, right?

Even thinking about it now in the comfort of your bed, you can’t shake your self-consciousness and bury your face in a large pillow resting on your knees. Your cheeks are burning and you don’t know what to do.

“Hey, why don’t you just talk to him, instead of moping all day and stalking his profile like a creep.” Yeri’s crisp words cut through your musings and you glance up to see her entering your shared room in the dorms.

“Shut up. It’s not like I have a benevolent match-making professor who happens to pair me up with my crush for an end-of-semester project.” You retort back before sighing dramatically, “I literally have no excuse to talk to him. We’re not in the same year or major. We don’t even have mutual friends. Unless, y’know, you and Mark hit it off, who knows.”

Yeri sits down next to you on your small twin bed, resting her head on your shoulder while letting out an equally dramatic sigh, “yeah, well, Mark’s so dense, all the divine intervention in the world isn’t going to help me.”

You let out snort, “what’s up with you two anyway?”

“Y’know, I could’ve sworn he was into me and I had a chance with him, but every time we meet up we literally only work on the project and nothing else. Every time I sort of tried to do something I get shot down. Like I told him I was kind of chilly today in the library, and he looks all thoughtful for a moment but all he ends up saying is ‘yeah, all the buildings on campus are always cold, huh? Good thing I always bring a jacket with me. You should bring one too next time, I don’t want you getting cold.’ And then he just turns back to the project like nothing. Can you believe him?” Yeri complains and you swear her annoyance is palpable. “And every time I text him to hangout, he thinks it’s to work on the project. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really that stupid or if he’s just not into me.”

You laugh at her unfortunate, but undeniable state of love affairs.

“Really? That bad? I remember him being all blushy when he asked for your number,” you recall. “And you should’ve seen how he looked when he showed off he got your number. Well that’s what it looked like anyway, I could be wrong.”

“Well, at least I’ll get a good grade though. Mark is nothing if not diligent and hard-working, with him being a double major and all.” Yeri sounds resigned however, she sighs again, this time more frustrated and you hear the determination in her voice. “Alright, after finals, for sure we’re gonna hit the clubs. We need to let loose, have some fun.”

You agree with her to appease her short temper, but deep down you feel disappointed. You feel sorry for your friend, having genuinely wanted Mark and her to work out, but a small and selfish part of you felt sorry for having no bridge to Jaehyun at all if it didn’t work out between Yeri and Mark. Looks like you were stranded now and you’d have to find a way to Jaehyun one way or another, but your line of help ends here.

Shaking away such negative thoughts, you think to yourself how soju bombs and dance floors don’t so bad after such an intense exam period after all. It will definitely take your mind off of things for sure.

And even though you say this to yourself, you know your mind will still be plagued with Jung Jaehyun no matter how much you try.

3. What Is Love by EXO-K

careful contemplation.

“I can’t explain what I feel.”

“Mark, tell me you did not.” The disbelief in Johnny’s voice made the situation all the more hilarious and even Jaehyun, who’s the calmer of the two, couldn’t suppress the guffaw from escaping his lips.

The tips of Mark’s ears flush a light pink and he tries to deliver a convincing argument, but all that comes out is a meek stammer, further driving Johnny up the wall.

When Mark came up to his and Johnny’s room asking for advice, Jaehyun had an idea of where it was going to lead, considering Mark’s clueless disposition and inexperienced track record, but Jaehyun had no idea it was going to be this bad.

Mark, having developed a crush on a fellow vocal performance major in his music theory class, came to Johnny, his frat big, to spill his guts and ask for advice constantly. Being Johnny’s roommate, meant Jaehyun was also privy to all the details of Mark’s love life and he had no problem giving advice to the amusing first year student, which Mark appreciated because going to Johnny meant a clowning session before he could get any useful nuggets of information.

When Mark’s music theory professor randomly assigned the two for the end of semester project, Mark was one part excited and two parts nervous, resulting in a frazzled mess. He has been going up to the second room on the right of the second floor of the frat house almost every other day to ask for advice since then.

Johnny was thrilled when he initially heard of the project, already envisioning his little’s love prospects, stating something along the lines of “my little’s gonna get laid!”

However, now looking at Johnny rubbing his temples in exasperation, Jaehyun can tell that his roommate’s initial enthusiasm has dissipated.

Mark’s daily roadblock today consisted of his crush giving him the cold shoulder and being much more snappy than before in the project meet up earlier. Mark recalls Yeri’s anger toward him and racks his brain for an answer. Even Johnny and Jaehyun are stumped at the sudden behavior, assuming that things were going smoothly from Mark’s previous reports filled with clumsy, but endearing and ultimately positive signs. It’s only when Mark offhandedly mentions her so-called ‘strange’ comment about the temperature, does it become clear why Yeri’s attitude suddenly shifted so drastically.

“I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mark’s second attempt to defend himself has Johnny flaring his nostrils in indignation and Jaehyun has to turn away in an attempt to stifle his laughter.

“Dude, she’s so into you. Or, at least she was, I don’t know about it anymore.” Johnny starts after calming down. “She left herself wide open for you to take a clear shot and you effectively said to her face, ‘thanks but no thanks’ and then walked away. No wonder she’s pissed, I’d be pissed too.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do then?” Mark counters.

“Mark,” Johnny begins, his tone dry and coarse, “you’re killing me.”

Jaehyun deems this the perfect time to step in, the laughter about done coursing through his system at this point. He clears his throat before offering his input, “It’s not too, too bad. Johnny’s just being dramatic. If she likes you enough, she’ll probably forgive you if you play your cards right from here on out.”

Mark perks up, his attention solely on Jaehyun.

Jaehyun hums absentmindedly to himself, gathering and organizing his thoughts to properly explain exactly where and how Mark went wrong and what to do moving forward. When Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, Mark is glued on to every word and Jaehyun can see the gears in his brain whirring at high speeds.

By the time Jaehyun is done, Johnny has calmed down and Mark nods his head fervently in understanding.

“Ah, that makes so much sense now! I got it now.”

Despite his assurances, both Johnny and Jaehyun know Mark will be back soon.

“Alright little, listen up,” Johnny starts. “Here’s the game plan from here on out.”

Johnny goes off on a sermon, determined to help his little ‘get some’ as Johnny so delicately puts it. Jaehyun can see it’s not the most tasteful of word choice for Mark to hear, but the youngest says nothing.

Lounging lazily in the bean bag on his side of the room, Jaehyun knocks his head back and thinks of a few weeks back when he accompanied Mark and some other frat members to the rec center for some basketball. Jaehyun remembers Mark was bemoaning the fact he forgot to ask for some girl’s number and it was as if a higher entity heard the boy’s laments and felt especially gracious, because right as they were passing the cafe, Mark stopped in his tracks and suddenly ran off into the busy building.

The group of frat boys watched him excitedly weave his way through the crowd of bodies and occupied tables to reach a table with two girls. When they saw the girl putting her number into Mark’s phone, Johnny elbowed Jaehyun, and like a proud parent Johnny exaggeratedly acknowledged his little. “They grow up so fast, don’t they, Jaehyun.” Johnny even wiped an imaginary tear from his eye to really send the message home.

It was only a few moments later and Mark came bounding out of the cafe, eager to show everyone how lucky it was that he happened to see her. “I mean what are the odds, right?” the said boy exclaimed so happily, his cheer so infectious, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself from letting out a laugh of his own.

Jaehyun turned to give Mark an encouraging pat on the back and it’s when he notices a pair of eyes on him. He turns fully to come in the direct line of sight of a girl whose eyes, Jaehyun imagined to have been very warm, had they not been burning holes into him. Her intense gaze slightly unnerved him, but not to the point of pulling away. He found himself entranced and the only thing that broke the quick spell was Johnny’s voice, calling him to move it along.

Jaehyun recalls easily breaking eye contact and giving little thought to the strange girl with fire for eyes, but as the days passed, Jaehyun couldn’t shake the thought of her from his mind.

Even now in the comfort of his room and with Johnny and Mark not even a foot away, carefully planning Mark’s love endeavors, all Jaehyun’s mind can really focus on is the thought of you.

Jaehyun is sure he’s only looked at you for less than a minute, but somehow he’s able to clearly trace out the image of you that day, like a perfect snapshot.

“Yo Jaehyun,” Johnny calls. “You good? You’ve been spacing out, bro.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaehyun answers offhandedly, before contemplating to himself. Was he good? Jaehyun wouldn’t necessarily say he’s bad in any way, but it isn’t normal for him to have the thought of a girl remain so clearly engraved in his mind for so long, and even less common for it to actually be a girl he doesn’t even know nonetheless. It’s not a pressing issue, but it does bother him. He weighs over the next steps in his mind.

“Alright, just making sure.”

With one last thought, Jaehyun concludes to himself that it’s time to tackle his concern at hand head-on.

“Actually,” he starts, “Mark, do you remember the girl next to Yeri the day you asked for her number?”

Mark quirks his head in thought and Jaehyun can see Johnny raise his eyebrows in sudden interest.

“Uh kinda,” Mark answers. “I think she’s a CWP major. I’m pretty sure we shared an arranging class last semester, but like, I don’t know her personally or anything; it was a large lecture. To be honest, I don’t even think she recognized me at all, judging from her reaction that day. Why, what’s up?”

Jaehyun nods, absorbing the information, giving Johnny ample time to fire away.

“Yeah Jaehyun,” Jaehyun can visualize the glint in Johnny’s eyes just from hearing his mischievous tone. “What is up? I haven’t seen you ask about a girl in a hot minute. Thought you suddenly went abstinent without telling me or something.”

Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to reply. Without a doubt you were cute to Jaehyun and he wouldn’t be opposed for things to happen between the two of you, but he doesn’t even know you! Well, not that it’s been a problem for Jaehyun in the past, but your lingering presence bothers him in ways he cannot communicate. Why is that the thought of you won’t leave him and why does it bother him so much?

Jaehyun decides to be straightforward, as straightforward as his muddled brain allows him to be. “She’s cute. I wanna get to know her.”

“Okay, Jaehyun.” Johnny whoops obnoxiously. “I see you.”

Mark is surprised and suddenly Johnny is all fired up again. Abruptly, Johnny shoots up and the determination that burns in his eyes is admirable.

“I’ve got it!” He declares proudly.

Jaehyun and Mark are quiet, waiting patiently for him to continue. They say nothing, knowing there is not a thing that can reach him when Johnny gets like this.

“We’re throwing a party and you bet your ass your two girls are gonna be there.”

4. Heaven by Ailee

walking on Cloud 9.

“When I hear your voice, it feels like I’m dreaming.”

You look up at the two-story house before you and wonder how you got here. Actually, you don’t wonder at all because you know exactly how you ended up at the steps of the local performing arts fraternity at your college, but you sigh regardless, as if someone had weaseled you into being here. Your nerves gnaw at you and you feel your stomach doing all types of aerobic tricks, the feeling reminiscent of the sensation before the roller coaster drops.

Yeri grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly to the front door. You can feel the thrum of music emanating from the building.

You recall how Yeri almost jumped you to tell the good news.

Finals flew by without any major hitches, ignoring sleepless nights and caffeine crashes. You don’t know how you’ll do, but you’re satisfied with your exam performances. You were in the clear and were just waiting for Yeri to present her joint music theory project before the both of you could finally let loose as a celebration to end the school year.

You waited for her outside of the classroom building as promised, playing with your phone to past time until you were suddenly engulfed by a delighted pair of arms. Yeri hugged you tight; she was in high spirits, seemingly from acing her presentation and you hugged her back in congratulations. She pulled at you closer and whispered in your ears, “just say yes.”

You were confused, but looked up to see Mark headed toward the two you. Yeri released you, leaving one arm still slung casually over your shoulder.

“Hey guys. My frat’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate finishing exams. I was wondering if, uh, you guys wanted to come? I mean you don’t have to, it’s totally optional.”

You didn’t say anything at first and Yeri interjected, “Of course!” She smiled at you innocently despite harshly pinching you to respond, her action hidden from Mark’s sight. “We’d love to, right?”

“Uh,” you answered distractedly. “Y-yeah, sure.”

“Great.” Mark beamed. “Party starts at eight. I gotta go help set up, so I’ll see ya there!”

And with that, he left as soon as he arrived and you looked at Yeri questioningly for answers. “I thought we were hitting downtown tonight. What happened to club hopping?”

Yeri smiled devilishly, “change of plans. I’ll tell you more about it later. The most important thing is finding the perfect outfit for you tonight, cause Jaehyun’s gonna be there.”

And so, here you find yourself dressed in high-waisted shorts and a cute top that took an embarrassingly long time to decide on. You are greeted by the fraternity president at the door of the house, Taeyong you think his name is, and he gives you two a quick verbal tour of the place, really emphasizing where to get drinks. Yeri thanks him for the both of you and you enter the crowded house. You think at least half of the performing art majors must’ve been here judging by the sheer volume of packed bodies.

You remember Yeri explaining how she and Mark may have been making a breakthrough and this party was imperative for its success. You were completely okay attending for that reason alone, because after all, what kind of person sends her best friend to a frat party alone? However, your resolve to go was set in stone after she explained that the frat that was throwing the party just happened to be the same frat Jaehyun was a member of.

“And y’know, seeing as how you’ve been obsessing over him the past few weeks, it’s the perfect opportunity.”

You frown remembering her words and make your way to the kitchen with Yeri in tow. Various beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, crowd the table and you recognize the guy standing nearby idly chatting with others. It’s Jaemin, an acting major in your history lecture with whom you frequently exchange notes with when either one of you decides to flake for the day. You vaguely recall him mentioning his fraternity association, but didn’t realize it happened to be this one. He sees the two of you approaching the drink table and he smiles widely.

“Oh hey, what’s up?” Jaemin greets casually. “Didn’t expect to see you here. How’d you think you did in the history final?”

You groan. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What’s important is that we’re finished and I won’t ever have to think about the WWII timeline for, hopefully, forever.”

“Amen,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll drink to that.” He raises up his red solo cup to cheers, before realizing both you and Yeri had nothing to drink.

“Oh shit, I’m a pretty bad host, huh? First thing I should've done was get you two something to drink.” He chides himself, but his tone is playful. “What can I get for you, ladies?”

Before you can think about what you want, Yeri cuts you off, her tone matching Jaemin’s. “How about some shots to start off and we’ll forgive the lack of hospitality.”

Jaemin laughs again. “Alright, I like it.” His hands are adept at weaving around the table and finding the paper shot cups and the vodka. “Svedka’s okay, right?”

“We’re not picky.” You and Yeri agree. You take the shot in one gulp and the unpleasant burning in your throat makes you wince.

“Can I get you two anything else?”

“Yeah,” you say. “I think another shot and then a mixed drink. Anything’s fine, but preferably on the stronger side.” You look over at Yeri and she nods in agreement.

“Coming right up.” Jaemin agrees easily.

He pours the two of you another shot and you think he must be a generous guy because the shot is overflowing. You and Yeri cheer once more while Jaemin gets to work mixing a cherry bourbon with some Coke. He tops off the drinks with some ice before handing it over to the both of you. “Here they are. Enjoy, ladies.”

You thank him and take a sip before excusing yourself to make your way around the party. The drink is sweet and the smoky aftertaste of the bourbon gives it a pleasant edge. You and Yeri are attached to the hip as you drift from one part to another around the party, making easy going small talk along the way. You are sufficiently buzzed by this point and feel much lighter as though the party was somehow two degrees removed from your senses. You look over to check on Yeri and she’s noticeably drunker than you are, giggling about the simplest of things and slurring her words just the slightest bit. You make a mental note to ease the drinking, wanting to be sober enough to look after her in case anything were to arise.

The two of you are at the base of the stairs when you hear Mark’s voice calling Yeri’s name. You turn your attention upward to see him ambling down the stairs with excited fervor. His cheeks are flushed, more so than usual around Yeri, and you can tell it’s due to alcohol because Mark is holding her hands and you know he can never be so bold without the help of liquid courage.

“Yo Mark, slow down there.” A voice calls out and you look up again and you feel your breath caught in your throat.

There in front of your eyes is Jung Jaehyun in the flesh. He looks heavenly dressed in simple jeans and a white tee. You unconsciously swallow the lump in your throat and your heart beat gallops a mile a minute in your chest. Your mouth goes dry and you mindlessly gulp down swigs of your drink. You know Yeri would’ve sniggered at your current state had she not been so tipsy and completely preoccupied with Mark.

Jaehyun catches up to Mark and when he reaches the base of the stairs, he notices the two of you.

“Oh Jaehyun, lemme introduce you guys.”

As promised, Mark introduces everyone quickly and Jaehyun shoots a smile that seems to be aimed at you. “Nice to meet everyone.”

“Cool, now that everyone knows each other,” Mark starts. “Yeri, can I show you something?”

“Uh, y-yeah.”

You give Yeri a hard look and she takes your hand to squeeze it in reassurance. She looks at you pleadingly and there’s a confidence in her eyes that you can’t argue with. You relent and let her go.

Mark takes her by the hand and leads her up the stairs while you watch, slightly worried.

Jaehyun seems to have sensed your apprehension because the words that leave his mouth snaps you out of your perturbed state. “Don’t worry. Mark’s a good kid, you have nothing to worry about. You have my word on it.”

And suddenly the situation dawns on you. The boy of your recent all-consuming infatuation stands here before you, and it’s just the two of you alone. Any social skills you have, leave you and you’re unsure of what to do.

Jaehyun notices the awkward tension in the air and works quickly to dispel it. “Your drink’s looking low. Can I get you something else?”

You look down to your drink to see that he was right. Only a few sips remain. You didn’t realize you had drank so much at the sight of Jaehyun.

“Um, some water would be good. I don’t want to be too hungover tomorrow.” You answer shyly. You also need to be sober enough to look after Yeri, but you decide to leave that out.

Jaehyun chuckles, “sure thing. Here, come with me. I’ll get you some water.”

Jaehyun leads you to the kitchen with ease, seamlessly weaving through the crowds of people. Every group of people he passes greets him loudly to be heard of the pounding bass of the music. You are not surprised to see how popular he is.

Once in the kitchen, he grabs you a bottle of water and a beer for himself from the fridge and you thank him. The cold water is refreshing, but it does little to cool your nerves. The awkward tension is high and still ever present. You feel as though you’re drowning in it and you also feel like running away from here despite this being what you’ve wanted for more than anything for weeks on end.

“So,” Jaehyun starts, clearing his throat. “Mark told me you’re a CWP major?”

“Uh, y-yeah, actually.” You hate how you’re so flustered around him. “How’d he know? Did Yeri tell him or something?”

“He said you guys shared an arranging class last semester.” Jaehyun recalls.

“Wait, really? I had no idea.” You start going off on how you could’ve missed such a thing and Jaehyun smiles. You’re much more comfortable when a rhythm has been established and the words flow out of you easily. You’re not as relaxed as where Jaehyun wants you to be, but he thinks it’s a good start.

You continue with small talk from there, much less uptight than before and you feel glad. Jaehyun is as radiant in person as he is in your imagination. You find him to be very kind and your heart flutters even more. Jaehyun mentions he’s a musical theatre major and you do your best to act surprised despite it being one of the only things you know about him prior to this moment.

Before he gets a chance to tell you more about himself, a tall boy with long limbs calls out to Jaehyun that it’s his turn to join the next game of beer pong. Jaehyun looks reluctant to leave and you don’t want him to leave either, but you’d hate to hold him back from prior engagements.

“Would you,” Jaehyun licks his lips in consideration, “like to play with me? I don’t have a partner.”

You nod your head and readily agree, eager to spend more time with him.

You’ve only played beer pong a handful of times and being around Jaehyun makes you nervous, so you miss the first few shots. You feel embarrassed, but Jaehyun is patient and assures you that it’s no problem at all. His little words of encouragement mixed with the beer you drink helps melt your tension, and halfway through the game, you’re whooping and hollering with everyone watching the game.

You high-five Jaehyun without a second thought after nailing a perfect shot and Jaehyun smiles even wider. The two of you are leading when Taeyong comes in to kick everyone out.

“Sorry guys, party’s over.”

Groans of complaints could be heard throughout the crowd, but Taeyong’s words are firm and he ushers everyone to leave. He has a few other frat members behind him helping out. He reaches the beer pong table and pulls Jaehyun aside. After a few exchanged words, Jaehyun nods in agreement and ends the game completely, apologizing to his opponents.

You’re confused, so you carefully ask Jaehyun what’s going on. He sees you and his gaze softens, he quietly explains, “apparently, the campus police have received multiple noise complaints and since the fraternity already has a strike, Taeyong doesn’t really want to risk another. “

“Ah, I see.” You nod. You’re saddened by the turn of events, having finally eased into a relative comfort around Jaehyun and you yearn for more. “Well, I better go look for Yeri then.”

This is a goodbye and you’re unsure of what else to say to him, your disappointment mixes with alcohol making you feel even more miserable. You want to ask for more, but can’t find the words to reach him. Luckily, Jaehyun does it for you.

“Are you free sometime this week?” He asks. “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to really talk and I’d like to.”

Your heart hammers and the blood rushes in your ears, but you still find yourself uttering a mousy agreement.

“Great,” his smile is dazzling and you feel dizzy. “It’s a date then.”

5. 24 Hours by Sunmi

rushed minutes.

“Time goes by so quickly.”

“Hey,” a distant voice calls out and Jaehyun looks up from his phone to see your approaching figure. Your cheeks are rosy from the summer sun and stray pieces of your hair escape from your loosely styled updo. Jaehyun takes all of you in with careful appreciation.

“Hey yourself.” Jaehyun chuckles, slipping his phone casually in his pocket and standing up straighter to greet you properly.

Jaehyun sees the red of your face flush brighter, the soft color bleeding across your cheeks and onto your nose. Cute, he thinks. He watches as you tighten your grip on your clutch, knuckles white with nervous tension, in an attempt to gather your composure and calm your nerves. You clear your throat, “I didn’t know you’d be here so soon. You should’ve texted me.”

“It’s all good, I finished early.” Jaehyun notices you no longer stutter around him like the first night you two met. He’s glad the days and nights of sober texting after exchanging numbers at the party did wonders to make you feel comfortable around him. He’s not too worried about your current ‘first-date’ anxiety, knowing it’ll be dispelled soon enough. “Shall we?” He moves to open the door and the cool rush of air from the cafe greets the two of you.

The cafe is quaint and cozy, tucked away in a small corner of intersecting back streets and crowded buildings. Jaehyun discovered the little spot not too long ago and something, Jaehyun assumes his instincts, compelled him to take you to it for the first official date. It just felt right.

The two of you walk to the order counter and you take it all in. You can hear the quiet chatter of the cafe occupants mixed with the rattle of espresso machines being put to work. Your eyes scan over the decorations and several potted succulents hanging from the ceiling. It’s incredibly homey and you feel at ease.

“Hiya, I can help the two of you whenever you guys are ready.” The barista is cheerful to a fault and Jaehyun watches you shoot her a grateful smile before your eyes move to the menu to decide on what to get.

Jaehyun knows what he wants, so he waits patiently for you to decide, but seeing your eyebrows scrunch together in indecision, Jaehyun chuckles to himself. “I hear the iced lattes here are really good, particularly the caramel latte,” he offers.

You perk up in surprise, but you recover quickly, “okay, that sounds good then. I was between that and the iced cocoa.”

“No problem, I’ll order then. Today’s on me.” Jaehyun says.

Jaehyun walks up to the barista and quickly places the order. He reaches for his wallet after the barista recites the order, but he falters slightly when he sees your gaze glued to the cake display, particularly the crepe cake.

“Can I get a slice of the chocolate crepe cake over there too?”

“Of course! Here’s your new total,” she turns the touch screen display over to Jaehyun and he readily inserts his card to pay. When finished, Jaehyun turns back the screen and after a few taps from the barista, a receipt is printed and she hands him a buzzer.

“Your order will be out shortly.” She informs him.

Jaehyun smiles and says a small ‘thank you’ in return before turning his attention to you. You look up to meet his eyes and you smile, “can we sit over there by the window?”

You head to the little corner table first with Jaehyun steadily in tow. You sit at the chair that leaves your back to the window and Jaehyun is mesmerized by how the afternoon sunlight refracts through your silhouette. You’re glowing and Jaehyun swallows thickly.

“So,” he starts. “What have you been up to?”

“Celebrating finishing my first year of college in one piece.” You laugh lightly. “I got by with passable grades, but other than that Yeri and I just finished moving into our new dorms. We’re no longer freshmen, so first year dorms are off limits. I’m gonna miss the convenient location.” You jokingly mope.

Jaehyun laughs easily with you and before he gets a chance to reply, the buzzer goes off so he excuses himself to go pick up the order.

A different barista places down a tray with your two drinks and a small slice of cheesecake with two dessert forks resting on some napkins. “Enjoy your order!”

Jaehyun smiles in thanks and picks up the tray to bring it back to the table. He can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see the mille crepe cake and true to his expectations, your eyes light up at the sight of dessert.

“Surprise.” He says. “I saw you looking at it earlier.”

Jaehyun watches as you immediately grab a small fork and try a piece of the cake with unrestricted child-like excitement. Your eyes light up at the taste of the delicate layers of fresh whipped cream and thin crepes and the smile you shoot in his direction has Jaehyun’s heart beating a little faster than he’s willing to admit.

“Thank you!” You look up at him. “It’s so good, you should definitely try a bite too.”

“Yeah? I’ll try some then.” Jaehyun sits down and leans even closer to you over the table, his mouth open and expectant and his eyes staring straight into yours.

You try your best to bite back the scarlet fighting to stain your cheeks as you cinch off a small section of the cake with your fork. Your hand falters just the slightest bit when delivering the small confection to his awaiting mouth, but you push through and feed him despite the embarrassment you feel.

Jaehyun chews slowly and deliberately, taking his time to lick the stray whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. You lose the game of chicken, breaking eye contact first.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It’s good. We should definitely come back.”

You let out a little awkward cough, desperate to ward off your cloud of emotions. “Uhm, yeah sure.”

Jaehyun has always thought you were cute, but he thinks you’re especially cute today.

“Anyway,” you start. You want to change the topic because you don’t think you can survive this tension without your brain frying. “I feel like I’ve just seen you around recently. I should’ve run into you a long time ago since the performing arts college is so small.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun is a little taken aback. “I used to be over at the East Campus. I was a business and administration major for two years before I switched over to musical theatre.”

“Wait really?” Your surprise erases any tension you felt earlier. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “It doesn’t really come up in conversation.”

“Why’d you switch over? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Jaehyun contemplates his reply for a second as takes a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I entered college, I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just followed whatever my parents wanted me to do. I actually knew I liked musical theatre for the longest time, but it took time for me to build up the courage to switch. My parents weren’t happy with it at first and we fought for the longest time, but I think they’ve warmed up to it enough by now. I’ve never really talked about this though, I just tell people I transferred from a different college and the conversation just ends there I guess, but it’s really no big deal.”

“Thank you for telling me this, Jaehyun.” Your voice is sincere and Jaehyun believes you.

“What about you, hm?” Jaehyun returns. “Why CWP?”

“I don’t really have one point that changed my life and helped me find my calling or whatever,” you ponder with a tilt of the head and the taste of cream dissolving in your mouth. “But ever since I was little, I always knew I was gonna end up doing something in music. I was never good at singing though, so vocal performance was out the door and I wasn’t that interested in classical instruments either, so that helped me narrow stuff down. Actually, what really helped me decide was during orientation, my group leader was a contemporary writing and production major and she told me all about it and I’ve been sold ever since. I really like it though, and have no intention of switching.”

“That’s good. Sometimes I wish I switched earlier.” Jaehyun muses. “I feel so behind sometimes. Most people in my class have already been in at least one musical and an internship, except for me. I think about it a lot, but I try not to let it get me so down.”

“You shouldn’t feel that way!” You try your best to cheer him up, and Jaehyun appreciates it a lot more than he thought he would. “Everyone has their own pace, that’s what college is all about! Nothing is ever wasted time. You can think of your time as a business admin major as a way to help you make up your mind on your true passion. You told me you’ve always liked musical theatre, but I’ve bet without the time in business, you would’ve never known you liked it enough to pursue a career out of it.”

Jaehyun laughs at your earnesty. He thinks you’re a touch naive, but your words make him feel light. “You’re right. I can say for sure I wasn’t happy as a business major.”

“See? Nothing is ever wasted time if you can discover your true happiness out of it.”

The two of you exchange easy chatter after that and between small bites of cake and sips of coffee, Jaehyun thinks you’ve become prettier and prettier.

“What was it like?” You ask absentmindedly.

“Hm? What was ‘what’ like?”

“Being a business and administration major.”

Jaehyun has to think about it. He recalls constantly dressing up for group presentations and boring lectures, but his mind wanders to his activities outside the classroom. He remembers the constant partying and the blur of faces that helped him keep his bed warm. He remembers brief flings and relationships cut short. He doesn’t want to think about those things when he’s next to you. “Uhm. It was okay, nothing special, but that reminds me–”

“Yeah?”

“Are you free next weekend?”

“I should be. Why, what’s up?”

“Great,” Jaehyun smiles while taking the last sip of his coffee. “I’m having a housewarming party at my new apartment. You should definitely be there.”

The day of the long awaited housewarming party rolls up sooner than expected between settling into your new dorm with Yeri and the occasional small ‘get-togethers’ with Jaehyun. They’re actually dates if you're being honest, but you don’t want to put a title on anything in case he wasn’t on the same page as you. Being with Jaehyun made you giddy in more ways than one, but that means the anxiety that pools at the base of your stomach grows larger each day when the relationship between the two of you goes unnamed. You feel greedy when you desperately grasp at the shred of time you share with him, always unwillingly to let go.

“Are you ready?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your small reverie. Her hand is poised, ready to knock on the black door of Jaehyun’s apartment, waiting for you to gather your composure. Yeri is dressed to the nines in a cute skirt with a top to match. She wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you teased her endlessly for it when the two of you were getting ready.

“Mark’s one lucky guy.”

“Shut up. Worry about yourself.”

“All I do is love you, yet you’re so mean to me.”

Regardless of her harsh words toward you, she helped you toss your closet inside and out for the perfect outfit to woo Jaehyun, even if it meant showing up late to the party.

The two of you leave your dorm twenty minutes later than you intended and it also didn’t help that Jaehyun’s apartment was difficult to find, tucked away in a small building between towering skyscrapers, but now is finally the moment of truth.

“Yeah, I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” you mutter as you watch Yeri knock on the door.

It takes a minute before the door creaks open and Jaehyun’s head pops out. His smile is radiant and you’re absolutely ensnared by the way his fringe falls over his forehead.

“Hey, glad you two could make it.” Jaehyun opens the door wider to allow you and Yeri to enter. He greets Yeri with polite warmth while he wraps an arm over your shoulders. When Yeri heads in the apartment first with her back against the two of you, Jaehyun steals a quick peck to your temple and whispers, “you look pretty tonight.”

His touch is fleeting and he pulls back quickly, as if you imagined the whole thing, but his cheeky smile tells you that it really did happen. Your heart hammers and you force yourself to focus on the steady thrum of mellow R&B that reverberates throughout his apartment to calm yourself. You take his apartment in steady strides with your full attention. It’s sleek and modern with a few pops of his personality here and there in the form of trinkets decoration choices.

“Hey!” Johnny calls over from the couch. He has a beer in hand, but he’s far from tipsy. Flanked on one side is Doyoung with another beer to match and on the other is Sicheng. Seulgi, the girl, who you assume is Sicheng’s significant other, by the way his arm is casually wrapped around her waist, is also there and she nods at you in greeting. You've come to know about all of them after hanging out with Jaehyun so much. “Did you guys get lost or something?”

“Yeah,” Yeri replies as she moves to sit next to Mark who’s on the adjacent loveseat and resting a drink on the coffee table. “Something like that.”

She places a sweet kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth in greeting and you swear you can hear him crooning at the attention.

“Doesn’t matter, Johnny. The important thing is that they’re here now.” Jaehyun interjects. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”

“That’d be nice.” You hum.

Yeri laughs in agreement, “yeah, the two of us could never say no to a drink.”

“Alright, I’m on it.” Jaehyun calls while moving to the kitchen. “Any preferences?”

“No,” you say. “Surprise us.”

Jaehyun works to mix drinks and you take a seat on the floor next to the coffee table to observe the party. Perched on the shelf of a slender bookcase in the corner of his living room is a bluetooth speaker playing music, the rhythm quiet and bass steady as everyone chatters away once introductions are made on the sofas. You remember him offhandedly mentioning that he doesn’t want any noise complaints on his first week in the new place and it makes sense. Jaehyun’s housewarming party is a quiet affair that is far different from the wild party at the frat house in which you met him, but you think this vibe fits Jaehyun more.

Jaehyun returns shortly with two drinks in tow for you and Yeri and sits himself snugly next to you on the floor. He picks his idle beer from the coffee table and once Johnny realizes that everyone in the proximity has a drink in hand, he raises his voice and beer in a toast. “It sucks that Taeyong couldn’t make it tonight, but here’s to having fun without him. We’re gonna get twice as fucked up to make up for his absence, cheers!”

Everyone lets out a chuckle, but obliges to humor him anyway and joins to connect their drink to his in cheers.

You pull your cup back and take a big gulp of the drink. It’s sweet and carbonated, but the sting of alcohol at your throat leaves you wincing just the slightest bit.

A few pleasantries are exchanged here and there, but it’s only then does Doyoung pull out a deck of cards with a devilish glint in his eyes that deceive his looks.

“Ring of fire, anyone?”

After who knows how many rounds of ring of fire (and maybe a few other drinking games here and there) with too many drink refills for you to remember, you somehow find yourself splayed on the couch and leaning over Yeri’s shoulder in support. Seulgi is on the other side of you leaning on you for support, the same way you’re doing to Yeri, but you don’t mind it one bit. The three of you have grown surprisingly close with one another throughout the night.

Your mind is lucid enough to still be conscious and completely aware of where you are and what you’re doing, but the alcohol in your system eats away at the details in your memory.

You vaguely recall ridiculous punishments that involved Johnny twerking on the dining room table and Mark taking a shot of Jack Daniels mixed with ketchup, and you can’t help but snicker to yourself.

“I think we should get going now.” Sicheng is the first to speak as he moves to help Seulgi up. “It’s getting late.”

Doyoung looks a little groggy, but when he checks the time, he perks up immediately, “oh shit, you’re right. I need to get going too, I’ve got something in the morning.”

With that everyone shuffles to clean the remnants of the party with as much grace as they can muster while intoxicated, which wasn’t much, but in twenty minutes, Jaehyun is already walking half the party to the door in goodbye. Only you, Mark, and Yeri are left.

“Hey Yeri,” Mark calls softly to Yeri as he brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Are you ready to go too?”

Yeri is still sprawled on the couch with you, but mumbles a small response. “Yeah, I should be. Give me a second.”

She turns over to you and nudges you just the slightest bit. “I’m gonna go back to Mark’s tonight, are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” you assure her. “I’ll be fine, just go have fun.”

“She’s free to rest here until she’s ready to leave, don’t worry. I’ll call a cab for her when the time comes.” Jaehyun pipes up.

Yeri gives you a look, but you squeeze her hand one last time to give her some peace of mind. “I’m a big girl, Yeri. I’ll be okay, promise. I’ll walk you to the door, Mark’s waiting.”

You give Yeri a tight hug in goodbye and you find your way back to the couch. The fact that you’re all alone in Jaehyun’s apartment doesn’t hit because of the remnants of alcohol in your system melts away your nerves.

You’re pleasantly buzzed, lost in your own thoughts when Jaehyun comes up to you with a glass of water in hand. “Here, so you don’t feel as bad tomorrow morning.”

You accept it gratefully and take in big gulps, the water refreshing, but your skin feels hot.

Jaehyun takes a seat next to you and the proximity makes your head spin. You turn to look at him, and he flashes you a smile.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

“You might’ve mentioned something.” You tease. “But I don’t mind hearing it again.”

“Well,” he hums. You’re not sure, but you think the distance between the two of you is decreasing. “You really do look stunning tonight.”

You flush at his words, but you look straight into his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Yeah? I try to impress.” Jaehyun’s eyes are hooded and your throat goes dry. “Can I kiss you?”

You say nothing at first, his words not registering into your muddled brain, but when you feel his breath ghost over your lips, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you.

His lips are slightly chapped and you can taste the vodka on his breath, but to you it’s perfect. Jaehyun’s perfect.

Jaehyun kisses you with reserved passion and practiced expertise. His tongue sets the rhythm against yours and his roaming hands have you feeling as if you’ve been set ablaze. He pulls back just the tiniest bit and the intense longing for his touch that hits you is indescribable.

You pull him back in your arms and your lips reconnect in a desperate fervor. Jaehyun adjusts his arms around you and the next you know, you’re in his embrace and he’s carrying you to his bedroom. He places you down gently, his bed is plush and comforter soft.

Jaehyun’s touch is gentle as he gathers your face in his hands. He kisses you again and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls back and looks at you earnestly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”

Everything’s moving so fast and you’re dizzy, but you don’t want whatever this is to stop. You want to be as close to Jaehyun as possible.

“No,” your voice is hoarse. “Don’t stop. I want you, Jaehyun.”

He kisses you again, this time unrestrained. His tongue is hot, but you can only savor it for a minute before he starts trailing kisses down your neck and tugging at your shirt. You let out a breathy moan in response to how his touches make you feel.

Jaehyun reaches at your shorts and makes quick work at unbuttoning them. You help him remove the article of clothing and his slender fingers dart inside your panties. You’re slick to the touch and Jaehyun must be made of magic because you think you’re seeing stars. You unravel before him embarrassingly quick, but he kisses you at the base of your clavicle in sweet reassurance.

Your chest is heaving, but you want more. You grab at Jaehyun’s shirt, urging him to take it off. The expanse of his abdomen is a sight to behold, but Jaehyun is cruel and doesn’t give you the time to take it in. He’s on top of you again, lips crashing onto yours once more. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and while he’s pre-occupied, you unbuckle his belt and steal a moment in his boxers. He feels thick and hot in your hands as you run your finger over the tip to feel a drop of pre-cum. He buckles just the slightest bit and it emboldens you.

Jaehyun helps himself out of his jeans and you push him onto the bed wanting to be on top this time. He’s straining against his boxers and you want to help relieve the tension. When you pull off his boxers you can feel his inaudible groan. You stroke his length gingerly and look up to see him with hooded eyes look right back at you.

This excites you so you take him in your mouth in a moment of unfiltered courage. Your tongue starts at the base before tracing your way up to his sensitive head. You tease him accordingly to his quiet grunts and groans and when you feel like he’s had enough, you take all of him in until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but push through.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun stutters out between stacatoed breaths. “Babe, you’re so good.”

You hum in pleasure at his praise and he grabs your hair. This goes on for a few more minutes before he reaches down to stop you. “Not that I don’t love this,” the look in your eyes nearly has him faltering his words, “but I don’t want to cum just yet.”

You relent with a slick pop and Jaehyun shifts over to rummage for a condom in his nightstand. You settle back down in his pillows. Jaehyun gives you a soft kiss on the lips before he enters you.

“Tell me when it’s okay to move,” he whispers and you place a small kiss at the base of his neck.

He starts off slow to let you acclimate to his size, but neither of you are very patient, so he ends up pounding into you a lot sooner than he anticipated and you find yourself getting caught up in the pleasure.

It feels like you’re dreaming, but if this was a dream, you never want to wake up.

6. Hush by Miss A

shh, no talking, just us.

“I can’t think straight.”

You and Jaehyun don’t become official until a few weeks later.

He asks you one day when you’re naked and out of breath. You’ve gone one too many rounds with him and a thin layer of sweat coats your body as you lay on his heaving chest. You absentmindedly draw shapes on his skin and he gives you a chaste kiss to your temple.

“We should date.” He hums. “I think I’d make a good boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” You raise your eyebrow in teasing.

“Yeah,” he ascertains. “Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”

“Hmm,” you pretend to think it over as if this wasn’t you’ve been hoping for since the first moment you laid eyes on him. “Okay. Let’s give it a try, boyfriend.”

Jaehyun laughs and you feel the world fall into its right place. “Alright, girlfriend.”

And the rest is history as they say.

Jaehyun isn’t your first, but you experience many firsts with him. You’re not exactly inexperienced, but he really opens your eyes.

“Fuck,” he groans into your neck. His hands grip at your hips to help guide you along, but you’re fully in charge. “You’re doing so good, babe. Just like that.”

You didn’t see yourself as someone who liked to take charge during sex, but after that one time Jaehyun asked you to top, you’ve never looked back since.

You roll hips into him and at a pace you know drives Jaehyun wild and you pull him into a sloppy kiss. It’s all tongue and no grace, but you love it the same regardless. You capture his bottom lips between your teeth playfully before pushing him flat on his back until he’s firm against his plush mattress. You place a hand on his chest and the other on his thigh to balance yourself and Jaehyun immediately knows you’re close.

A hand rests on your hip to steady you while the other snakes over to play with your clit to further stimulate you toward your climax. Jaehyun knows what you like and his timing is impeccable, so before you know it, both of you are reaching your highs together. You collapse on his chest and you allow yourself to stay in his warmth long enough to have your breaths synchronize before you extricate yourself from him to head to his bathroom.

When you come back out, he’s disposed of the used condom and opens your arm wide for a hug, which you gladly indulge in.

Time stops when you’re in his arms.

On the surface, it looks like Jaehyun likes to mix it up. He seems like an elusive guy with varied tastes, but the more time you spend with him, you realize he likes the control of seeing you unravel before him.

He likes the intimacy of missionary.

The close proximity to your body has him looking into your eyes and leaving you feeling the most vulnerable of ways. He has full access to your neck, which he lovingly claims as his own and you chide him the next day when you see scattered purple blooms. Jaehyun changes his pace on a whim and you fall to his mercy. When he takes you fast and hard, you see stars, but when thrusts in you with languid leisure, he has you begging for more.

He likes the intensity of taking from behind.

When you’re on your knees with your ass in the air, he takes it as a guarantee to fuck you senseless. Your muffled moans makes his dick twitch and you swear you can feel him fuck into you even faster. Jaehyun always makes sure to wrap his arms around you to finger your clit until you go into sensory overload and he doesn’t stop pounding into you until there are tears in your eyes. He kisses each one away before taking your lips in his and you can taste the salt water on his tongue.

He likes the dominance from eating you out.

He laps at your core like a starved man and makes good use of his adept fingers until your head is spinning. Jaehyun makes it a habit to eat you out until you’re satisfied before he gets his turn. When your thighs are on either side of his head and your hands tangled in his hair, he swears he can stay there forever.

Above all, Jaehyun just likes you. He likes being with you and he definitely likes fucking you and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Mmmh,” you breathe out.

Your back is flush against Jaehyun’s back as you rock your hips back and forth on his dick. You grind your ass back even harder when he pinches your nipple between his fingers.

He kisses your shoulder blade from behind and bucks his hip upward to meet you in the middle.

The afternoon sunlight is streaming in from the gaps of his blinds and you want to take it nice and slow today. The television in front of you is playing a movie, but you’re too enraptured by the feeling of him filling you to the brim to pay it any mind.

“I love it when you’re on top, babe.” he hums as he plays with your clit.

You let out another breathy groan before you can find the composure to bite back at him. “What happened to no sex today, hmm? I thought we were just going to have innocent quality time together and watch a movie.”

Jaehyun must’ve not liked your sass, so he bucks up harder. He’s telling you to pick up the pace and you oblige. Before you know, you’re practically bouncing on his dick and you can feel your impending high about to crash down on you. He can sense it too and maintains his tempo. When you cum, Jaehyun rides on the tail of your climax in pursuit of his own. He cums shortly after with stuttering hips and a bite on your shoulder. He gathers you in his arms and runs his tongue soothingly over where he bit you and the various love bites that he’s littered on the expanse of your skin.

“Just being with you is quality time in itself.” He says. “Besides, class is starting soon, so I won’t get to see you as much.”

7. Disturbance by BoA

a ripple on the surface.

“I didn’t know at first.”

“So I do have a roommate after all,” Yeri’s voice calls out and you turn over to see her standing by the doorway. You roll your eyes at her, but quickly turn back to gather your things.

She lets out a chuckle, but you don’t miss the sour edge to her tone. “I thought I got a single dorm since it’s so empty all the time.”

“You say that, Yeri,” you retort. “But I know you’re over at Mark’s constantly so I don’t wanna hear it from you.”

“Yeah, but I make time to come back here and I always let you know when I’m going out. I feel like I’ve only seen you maybe once or twice the past few months. I feel like the only reason I see you these days is ‘cause of classes.”

“You’re just exaggerating, don’t be so dramatic. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”

She looks displeased, but nothing leaves her lips as the two of you head out for the day.

It’s late.

When night falls, shadows come out to play and your college campus is riddled with them. The school auditorium is situated in the far corner of the campus and the lamp lights of the main walkways do little, but you pay it little mind. Jaehyun should be getting out soon.

It takes another ten minutes to see him emerge from the double doors and you perk up immediately at the sight of him. He looks a little shocked to see you, but greets you with a warm hug and small peck regardless.

“Hey,” his voice is small, almost reserved. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I was finishing late tonight.”

“Oh, you did, but I still wanted to see you.” You explain, eyes bright and tone undeterred.

“Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he licks his lip. “But it’s really late and I still have more stuff I need to work on. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. Next time.”

“Oh hey,” you smile, but Yeri’s fury is palpable and cuts through you.

“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She spits out. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

Sheepish, you reply, “oh sorry. I forgot to fully charge it before leaving and Jaehyun and I have different phones, so I couldn’t charge it at his place.”

“You were at Jaehyun’s?” Yeri is glaring at you at this point and you feel a bit peeved.

“Yeah. What of it?”

Yeri’s been getting angry at you recently, losing her temper at the drop of a hat, and you can’t seem to pinpoint why. You’re getting tired of being her punching bag.

“We made plans to go shop for Seulgi’s gift today. You promised you’d be there, don’t you remember?”

“Oh shit.” It completely slips from your mind and you open your mouth to apologize, but Yeri cuts you off before you get the chance.

“Forget it. I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Yeri turns to leave before you can say anything back.

8. Symptoms by SHINee

something’s wrong.

“The worse it gets, the more exhausted I get.”

Jaehyun feels off.

He can’t pinpoint exactly what he is that he’s feeling, but he thinks it’s reminiscent of his world being tilted by six degrees. It’s not immediately jarring and takes little time for his eyes to register, but he’ll occasionally bump his toe, signalling that this isn’t right. Things aren’t where they’re supposed to be. His head spins just the slightest bit and he feels woozy, but he doesn’t know why.

Jaehyun just feels off.

Jaehyun checks the bulletin board of his school auditorium almost religiously.

Each time before and after class, he’ll swing by and peruse the flyers that hang from haphazardly stuck on pins. He ignores the tutoring offers and the part time jobs scams, his main focus is almost always on the center of the board where they post the upcoming musical theatre production and eventually, the cast list.

This semester, the chosen production is La La Land and Jaehyun has been dead set on landing the role of Sebastian Wilder. He stays back extra late each day to practice the script and to work on his singing and annunciation.

On the day of the audition, he’s sure he’s nailed it and thinks to himself the world must be ending if he weren’t to get the leading role.

When he leaves the auditorium in a rush, excitement flows through his veins and he drinks in the night air as a toast of victory. He’s tipsy on his excitement and wants to laugh out loud, but in the corner of his vision, he sees you. Your eyes light up the sight up, outshining the moon and the stars, but your visage does not elicit the reaction he thinks it should. He expects his heart to swell and burst, but somehow he feels heavy.

He pulls you in for a hug and a quick kiss to quell his weighted heart, but he thinks he’s starting to sink so he calls you off for the night. He’ll see you next time.

Yeah, next time will be better.

You’re snuggled up close and personal on Jaehyun’s chest. Jaehyun notices you fill every nook and cranny of his being perfectly to a tee, and yet that feeling. It’s there again.

Jaehyun feels off.

You laugh at something one of the characters say and you cuddle harder into him. He feels heavy again and it makes his throat itch, so he swoops down and captures your lips.

It’s hard and fast to scrub away at his uneasiness and before he knows it, his clothes are missing, but so are yours. The foreplay is brief and almost impersonal, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to be inside you.

When Jaehyun has you begging and writhing, he feels like the world is where it should be. No longer is he living at a slight angle when he’s buried to the hilt inside your warmth, so when he sees you, he does what he can to get you out of your pants.

Today is no different from any other.

After a satisfying session you roll on his chest. Your kiss is soft and sweet despite the sweat that covers both of your bodies. He hums quietly as he taps melodies on along your exposed spine.

“Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

Ah. Jaehyun thinks he’s getting it now, why he’s feeling off.

Jaehyun thinks he’s being suffocated.

To the surprise of no one, and especially not to him, Jaehyun gets the leading role of Sebastian Wilder in La La Land. He was a shoe-in for it anyway and he made sure to put in the work to get it.

His leading lady is someone by the name of Park Sooyoung, but at the first rehearsal she introduces herself as Joy.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand out in a friendly greeting. “Here’s to a successful show together, Jaehyun.”

Her smile is blinding and he thinks Joy is a fitting name. He grasps her outstretched hand, grip firm and sure.

“Yeah,” he smiles back. “Here’s to a good show together.”

Rehearsals span over blurred minutes and long hours.

Jaehyun sees less and less of you and spends more and more time with her.

During a quick water break, he scans his phone briefly to see a text notification from you. He takes another swig of water and returns to the rehearsal.

It’s okay, he can always text you back later.

9. Before U Go - TVXQ!

letting go.

“I will leave now.”

“Come on!” You tug both Mark and Yeri along excitedly. “I want to get good seats.”

Yeri rolls her eyes, but obliges anyway, pulling Mark along. It’s opening night for Jaehyun’s big musical and you wanted to be there no matter what to support him. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Sicheng, and Seulgi are already inside waiting and you’re not sure if they were able to save the three of you a spot.

After a long chat with Yeri, you apologized profusely to her. You did get blinded by your relationship with him and prioritized him over everything, forgetting your friends and other responsibilities in the process. Yeri forgave you easily and helped keep you in line when you went to head over heels for Jaehyun.

However, after patching things up with Yeri, you begin to notice a shift in your relationship with Jaehyun’s. You’re not quite sure how to describe it, but it almost feels like a distance almost.

You chalk it up to his busy rehearsal schedule and choose not to dwell on the topic, in fears of your wandering imagination. It should be fine. After his musical is over, he’ll be less busy and things will fall back into place.

Right?

“Over here!” Seulgi waves over excitedly.

The auditorium is starting to fill up and you want to get comfortable before the show starts.

Everyone greets each other in hushed tones and soon enough, the show starts.

Right. Everything will be fine.

Jaehyun does amazing.

Your eyes are trained on him the whole time and his singing has goosebumps pricking your skin. You can see the passion pour through him every time he’s on stage and you couldn’t be more proud.

A nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach points out the undeniable chemistry between him and his co-star, but you push it deep down and suppress it.

They’re actors, and they’re good at what they do.

Yeah. They’re just acting. Yeah. Acting.

When the curtains close, you’re the first to shoot out of your seat, eager to meet him backstage. You weave through the endless crowd of people, murmuring your ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ as you pass by. You reach the base of the backstage and shoot a message to let him know you’re waiting. You hum to yourself when you happen to overhear a conversation playing out.

“You did so good, Jae.”

“No, you definitely carried the show.”

You turn up and you see them. Her eyes are almost soft and loving as she pulls your boyfriend in for a hug. They linger in the embrace longer than necessary and you clear your throat to catch his attention.

He jolts just the slightest bit when he sees you and immediately lets her go.

“Everyone’s waiting,” you say quietly.

“Okay,” he nods. “Let me go get my stuff in the back.”

Jaehyun leaves the two of you alone and you wait for him to get back.

When you leave, he waves goodbye to her and she smiles back.

Jaehyun’s celebration party is rowdy, but it’s to be expected when Johnny is the one hosting.

He books a table at the local club and even orders bottle service. The eight of you work your way through two whole bottles of tequila and are already on your third. Jaehyun is downing the shots at a quicker pace than usual and you’re a bit concerned, but you’re unable to say anything because when you try, he whisks himself away to the dance floor and strikes up a conversation with someone else.

You’re perturbed, but you say nothing. This is his celebration night and he can choose to enjoy it how he wishes.

By the end of the night, Jaehyun is noticeably drunk and you haul him outside to get a breath of fresh air in hopes of sobering up. He’s heavy, but you make it out the side door. You prop him up on your side as you lean on the grimy brick walls.

Months have passed and the weather is chilly.

Jaehyun’s body sways and he murmurs something in your ear. You don’t catch it the first time, the overwhelming smell of tequila overtaking your senses.

“What was that?”

He grumbles beneath his breath, steps staggering once more. He tries again, this time his words are crisp and clear and they cut into you in more ways than one.

“I think we should end it.”

For someone so drunk, he sounds so sober.

You’re at a loss for words. A part of you knew this was coming from his lack of enthusiasm around you and his decreased texts. Even the cold night air couldn’t keep your heartbreak at bay. You say nothing, but you understand the both of you knew it was a silent agreement.

You breathe out wisps of chilled air as Jaehyun’s inebriated body stays slumped over on your side.

You volunteer to take Jaehyun home.

You tuck him gently in bed making sure to prop him on his side in case he vomits during the night. You pour a glass of water and place an ibuprofen on his nightstand drawer for him in the morning.

You kiss him on the forehead one last time. You hope it conveys all of the things brewing in your heart at the moment, but you know it doesn’t.

Later, you leave his apartment with all of your belongings that you ever left there with the stars as your witness.

You never return to his place again.

10. Coffee Shop by B.A.P

what could’ve been.

“So without knowing, like a habit, I came here.”

Jaehyun wakes up to an empty bed.

Morning sunlight streams through his blinds and burns at his skin as a sign to get ready for the day. He blinks the drowsiness from his system and stretches his weary joints before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

On his rare day offs, he allows his body to go on auto-pilot. He completely shuts his brain off and allows it to do whatever it chooses.

Today, it takes him back to the cafe.

His body knows where it’s going before it registers in his mind.

The barista manning the order counter is different, but the decorations are the same, still the same succulents hanging from the ceilings. He mulls over the menu and goes up to order.

“Can I get an iced caramel latte?” Jaehyun doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he’s feeling nostalgic today.

“Of course! Here’s your total.”

He pays with a swipe of his card and the barista goes to work making his drink. He waits around by the counter and soon enough, his drink is ready. That particular table is empty, so he grabs a chair to sit. His first sip is overly saccharine, but he appreciates how the flavor mellows out by the end of it.

It’s been nearly a year since that night.

Jaehyun remembers waking up to a splitting headache and a dry mouth. He thought nothing of the prepared setup as he gulps the ibuprofen and the glass of water in one go. Nothing seemed amiss really until a few days later.

No one mentioned your name around him and he caught Seulgi giving him a look every now and then. Mark didn’t say much either, but Jaehyun felt him drifting away.

He thought he’d feel a lot more, but he didn’t. One day you were a part of his life and then the next day you weren’t. It really was that simple.

He kept in contact with Joy even after La La Land was over and maybe they were something more, but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks.

It didn’t feel right when he was with her. Again, something felt off, but a different kind of off.

Joy was the one to end things with him, but he didn’t mind too much.

He filled his days with study and practice and it wasn’t until he landed a job at his local theatre company that he realized.

It was you. It was always you and perhaps it still is you.

Maybe you were different. Maybe you were the one, but Jaehyun didn’t try.

He recalls feeling smothered. You were always there at the beginning, but he took that for granted.

There are a lot of things he regrets, but above all, he regrets not talking with you. He regrets not trying to work on it. He regrets being a coward and running away at the first signs of true emotions.

You weren’t perfect, but neither was he, but he should’ve stayed so the both of you could work it out together. Jaehyun always did take too long to find the courage to pursue what he wanted.

With a final sip, he finishes the drink and moves to throw it away. Then, he sees you. Here, in the flesh, in almost a year.

Your hair is longer, but your cheeks are still as rosy as ever. You walk up to order and Jaehyun thinks it’s a sign. He moves to greet you, but the doors open again and in walk Yeri and Seulgi. He watches you greet them warmly with wide open arms.

You always did give the best hugs.

Jaehyun watches the three of you chatter away and he feels acutely out of place in the little cafe. You look happy and he should move on.

He throws his finished cup in the trash can and moves to exit through the side door, but he moves too slowly.

“Jaehyun, is that you?” You call out. He looks into your steady gaze and almost feels shy.

“Yeah,” he’s quiet. “It’s been awhile.”

“It has,” you agree. “You look well.”

The smile you give him has him believing in second chances and maybe he’ll get it right this time.

Note: i am so sorry that the second part is a hot mess express smh… there were a lot of things i planned and intended that didn’t happen, but i’ll just take this as a learning experience and write and better story next time. thanks for taking the time to read this !! <3

masterlist.

#nctcreations #cznnet #neowritingsnet #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #nct scenario #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct angst #nct fluff

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huayno · 4 years ago

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from neon genesis evangelion, vol. 12

The Mysterious Stranger

The Anime, the Manga, and the Mark Twain Novella

"God will provide for this kitten." "What makes you think so?" Ursula's eyes snapped with anger. "Because I know it!" she said. "Not a sparrow falls to the ground without His seeing it." "But it falls, just the same. What good is seeing it fall?"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

There is a short novel by Mark Twain, written near the end of his life and published posthumously, entitled The Mysterious Stranger. The tale is set in a small village in 16th century Austria, where three boys one day meet a young man different from themselves: "he had new and good clothes on, and was handsome and had a winning face and a pleasant voice, and was easy and graceful and unembarrassed, not slouchy and awkward and diffident, like other boys."

The mysterious stranger starts to do small but amazing tricks for them—causing water to turn to ice; conjuring grapes and bread out of air; even making birds that can fly out of clay. At last one boy, the story's narrator, works up the courage to ask the stranger who he is:

"'An angel,' he said, quite simply, and set another bird free and clapped his hands and made it flyaway."

The angel then proceeds to really impress them by making an entire toy castle, complete with five hundred miniature soldiers and workmen that move around by themselves. Naturally the boys get involved with this ultimate playset, making their own knights and cannon and cavalry, and although they get rather nervous again when the angel reveals his name is Satan, he assures them he is not that Satan, but only named after the fallen one.

"We others are still ignorant of sin; we are not able to commit it; we are without blemish, and we shall abide in that estate always." Distracted by two of the miniature workmen, "Satan reached out his hand and crushed the life out of them with his fingers... and went on talking where he had left off: 'We cannot do wrong; neither have we any disposition to do it, for we do not know what it is." Horrified as the other boys are, "he made us drunk with the joy of being with him and of looking into the heaven of his eyes, and of feeling the ecstasy that thrilled along our veins from the touch of his hand.'"

Yes, Kaworu Nagisa made quite an impression on the fans of Neon Genesis Evange/ion, despite the fact that, in the original broadcast version of the TV show (before it got all director's-cutted, box-setted, special-editioned, and platinum-lined) he shows up for only slightly less than thirteen minutes of total screen time, the climax of which being an entire minute where nothing happens at all.

That's what being a beautiful angel will do for you, especially when you make the most of your thirteen minutes on Earth by having a Whirlwind romance with the main character that ends in a lover's quarrel with Prog Knives and finally a voluntary martyrdom at the hand of your boy here. Relationships don't come any more tragic than that of Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari, and when fans (including this one) first saw it on TV, the affair was so brief and shocking the story logic of it didn't click in until much later.

In the anime, Kaworu is acknowledged as the Final Messenger, and, of all the Angels Shinji has to fight, this is the most ruthless battle, won at the highest possible cost to himself. It took even longer for me to realize that the showdown in episode 24 had also taken us full circle from Shinji's first fight in episodes 1 and 2, which emphasized his personal helplessness against the looming Angel Sachiel. Against Kaworu, it is the Angel who becomes the small, helpless figure, while Shinji is represented only by the gargantuan, frightful helm and arm of his Eva Unit-O1. We never see Shinji's human face once throughout the whole final minute of decision.

So as Col. Trautman would have said instead of Major Katsuragi, "It's over, Shinji! IT'S OVER!" Kaworu v. Shinji (or Kaworu x Shinji, in the doujinshi) was the big final showdown between humanity and the Angels. And with the outcome leaving Shinji at his most wretched ever, wouldn't it be nice if everyone just died—your wish being Eva's command, as it turns out that fortunately humanity hardly ever needed the Angels to slaughter itself.

"I am perishing already—I am failing—I am passing away. In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever...But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

Satan's words near the end of Mark Twain's story also uncannily prefigure the end of the world and the Instrumentality project, both of which follow his death in the TV show in such quick order you picture Anno as a hairnetted fry cook dinging the counter bell. By now you see Sadamoto's handling of Kaworu, and perhaps nothing illustrates the different experiences of the manga and the anime better than his handling of this critical character.

No longer the last Angel to be fought, Kaworu actually becomes an active Eva pilot and fights an Angel—the dude even has the nerve to observe the fight is fixed, based on his knowledge of SEELE's prophecies. Sadamoto of course introduces him at an earlier point in the narrative—at the equivalent of episode 19's end—and then sends him to NERV near the equivalent of episode 22's beginning—before certain important events, to put it mildly, can occur. When one notes this kind of thing, of course, it's important to restate that the Evangelion manga has always been a separate but equal "official" version of Eva, with no particular obligation to align itself with the anime, and indeed it was with Book Five, the first released after The End of Evangelion, that Sadamoto began to truly seem free to go in his own direction.

Nevertheless, as the "other" official version of the Eva story, it is reasonable for fans to view it as an "alternate history" relative to the anime, and the way Kaworu has been introduced makes us realize the manga may end very differently indeed. Despite the fact we know here that Kaworu is an Angel from the very beginning, he appears destined to at least hang around long enough to pick up a few paychecks. It's not clear when your health benefits kick in at NERV, although if Ritsuko is your primary caregiver it might be best to forego them.

Sadamoto's remarks upon visiting the U.S. in 2003 indicated that the Eva manga might (might) be planned as a twelve-volume series in all. There is still plenty of room for speculation, as the slow working pace to which the artist himself often refers has of late become almost relativistic—as of this writing, it has been eight months since Sadamoto has drawn a new installment of Eva in Japan, and hence a Volume Ten is nowhere in sight. It may be small comfort, but those of you reading this are pretty much in the same drifting boat as the Japanese fans.

"An angel's love is sublime, adorable, divine, beyond the imagination of man—infinitely beyond it! But it is limited to his own august order. If it fell upon one of your race for only an instant, it would consume its object to ashes. No, we cannot love men but we can be harmlessly indifferent to them; we can also like them, sometimes."

—from The Mysterious Stranger

And with Book Nine we see the most staggering difference thus far between the manga and the anime; Sadamoto's Shinji doesn't even like Kaworu, much less love him. Of course, you could say the less-ethereal Kaworu of the manga is harder to love. I can't believe Sadamoto had him tell Rei he thought she'd be "heftier." And yet he did.

I don't think any A.T. Fields actually got penetrated in the anime; while I do think Shinji felt sexually attracted to Kaworu, and that you the audience are supposed to feel that he felt it, what Kaworu himself thought was a very different matter. Like Rei, I believe Kaworu to be innocent—coyly, he appears not to be so, because while Rei needed to be reached out to, Kaworu has come to reach out; whereas Rei has spent her existence being observed; Kaworu has come to observe.

Indeed, in the manga, Shinji's irritation about Kaworu's invasion of his personal space seems almost a parody of his attitude in the anime. In the TV show, when Kaworu put his hand on Shinji's, he flinched but did not pull away; whereas in the manga it's easy to imagine Shinji slugging him. Instead he goes to run after Rei, hoping to get closer to her again.

I hardly think the change reflects any phobia on Sadamoto's part (after all, we even get to see Shinji's "Unit One" in the manga), but the fact the manga Shinji is less emotionally bleak and empty, and hence less vulnerable. Shinji's just as negative in the manga, of course, but it's an active variety, rather than the passive negative creep (in the best Nirvana song sense) we know from the anime. We don't have to imagine him slugging Gendo; from the look of surprise on Dad's face in Book Seven he would have smacked the beard off his face if Kaji hadn't stopped him.

Neither is Shinji in a positive emotional situation where we leave him here, either; indeed at this point in the manga there's arguably no one he can turn to—the more brutal fate that befell Toji has cut him off from his school friends, Rei has become hesitant, Kaji is dead, and his perennial self-esteem booster Asuka is going to need to rebuild her internal supply before she can even get back to calling him a loser and idiot.

So, like Misato trying to put her own hand on Shinji's, all I can do for now while we wait for Sadamoto-sensei is to recommend for your winter vacation reading list The Mysterious Stranger, which I can almost guarantee will give you new angles to think about Kaworu, and may even earn you class credit besides. A quick look at the novel's comments on Amazon list a teacher who says fundamentalist students walked out of his class when he taught it; another compares it to The Matrix; those who dislike it call it "sick," "bitter," and "twisted." Sounds like good old Evangelion to me!

—Carl Gustav Horn

[a drawing of Kaworu holding a kitten]

Although The Mysterious Stranger can also be found in a number of print editions, including The Portable Mark Twain from Penguin (haw haw), the story, being from the days when mp3s came on shellacked cylinders, is legally available online at http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/TwaMyst.html. The same site has a book called The Holy Bible, King James Version, which fans of Evangelion might also enjoy, although it's technically "Editor's Choice."

#eva #kaworu nagisa #idec if twain didn't write that shit #i'm all over this

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aprils-arcadia · 4 years ago

Text

Denial

Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Wonho Genre: Fluff with a good deal of angst Word Count: 4,9k Summary: After your last relationship with Changkyun ended badly you are reluctant to give in to your feelings for your fellow freshman at college Kihyun.

“You know denial isn't going to help you.” Hoseok said, stuffing a handful of fries into his mouth. Like every Thursday before you found yourself at the usual cafeteria table with Hoseok.

“But denial and ignorance have been working so well.” You sighed, mindlessly poking your food with a fork.

Hoseok scoffed. “Ah, is that so?” He pointed at the fries in the middle of the round, run-down table. “That’s why you've been just staring at your food for the last ten minutes. You haven’t even noticed that I've been constantly stealing your fries.” He shook his head in disapproval. “Huh. Seems to work wonders.”

“Don't you sass me now. You know what’s awaiting me once I eat and get up from here.” You slumped back into your chair letting the fork clink against the plastic cafeteria tray. The food wasn't that bad. That much was clear by Hoseok wolfing it down without hesitation but right now you didn't feel like eating.

“Of course I do. That’s why I am trying my best to relentlessly bring up the topic so that you can finally suck it up and stop moping around.”

“But I don't know how. It's not as easy a decision to make. This isn't pizza vs. burger or gym vs. jogging.” You lifted your hands unethusicastically gesturing to your left and to your right, your eyes still transfixed on a rather nasty greyish spot on the ceiling. “It's… it's so much more difficult.”

“You'll have to face this sooner or later and by now you should know that sooner is the right way to go. You can't just hide out like this forever. And you can't try to deny that this is eating away at you, just like I am currently eating away all your fries, which for the record you still haven't stopped me from doing. If you aren't even possessive of your food anymore, who are you even?”

“Haha. Very funny." You leaned forward again, picking up a solitary fry that Hoseok had dropped onto the tray. "But seriously what should I do? Do you have any ideas?”

“Do you really want my advice? Like straight up blunt me telling you what I'm thinking?”

“Yeah, sure. Always.”

“You’ve told me quite a lot about that Changkyun guy by now and I can’t say I like him.” Hoseok’s tone of voice had turned serious and you could see that the casual mischievous air around him had vanished. “But apart from all that, if you would really still love him I don’t think you would have fallen for Kihyun.”

Silence.

He might be right. But on the other hand it's not like you could erase all the history you had with Changkyun either.

He had been your first real relationship, your first love. You had been so convinced that you two would live the happily-ever-after, the cliche “they meet in school and look at them still going strong”-movie stereotype, overcoming hardships together only to grow stronger as a couple.

But reality wasn't like this. Instead your Romeo and Juliet story turned into the annoying “on/off”, “are they/aren't they” cliche. You hadn’t heard from him or seen him and after the last fight you had, it's not like you could blame him but all that logic and rationality didn’t stop you from still loving that asshole no matter how many times your heart had been broken courtesy of him. And you still couldn't fight the feeling that even remotely thinking about Kihyun was cheating. That you were betraying the trust and the man you loved.

“When was the last time you spoke to that guy anyway?”

“6 months ago,” you admitted under your breath.

“6 months ago? I mean come on. You need to move on from this. That's just not healthy.”

You knew that Hoseok was right. It wasn't like you expected that Changkyun would come back to you, to show up at your dorm and begged you to take him back. That wasn't his style. Him calling you up at night and you hopelessly agreeing to meet with him was a thousand times more likely. Pathetic, you knew. But still.

"So why not see how things could go with Kihyun? He seems like a nice guy even though he might be a bit of a smartass at least from what I can tell.” Hoseok shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh I don't know it's not like I haven't thought about trying my luck with him and seeing where things would go. But I'm just feeling so guilty,” you said, reluctantly dipping your fry into the nearly empty ketchup.

“Yeah otherwise we wouldn't have to have this conversation almost every two days right before your two most beloved courses.”

This was both unbelievably true and painfully sarcastic. The two intro classes Hoseok talked about were indeed your favorite classes and finally gave you the feeling of having made the right choice in coming here. On the other hand they were also the ones where a certain someone was sitting next to you since the first week.

You had met Kihyun right after college started. You had just moved here a few days ago and the break up with Changkyun was still fresh, having happened only two weeks ago. But once you entered the college grounds you swore to leave that behind you. To leave it in the past and in the city you had left to come here. Which right at this moment did not seem to work out so well, you had to admit.

You were convinced, even if it was a bit naive, that this whole experience would change your life and that this is the perfect new start to get away from it all. Unfortunately this included your meticulous sleep schedule. Ever since the fallout with Changkyun you weren't able to really sleep. You spend the night scrolling through social media or God forbid your phone's gallery.

This wasn't helpful and you knew it.

The night before your first college day you had felt so utterly lonely that you couldn't help yourself. You deeply regretted having left and how things turned out with Changkyun. This wasn't how you wanted it to go but you also didn't know what would have been your ideal outcome. It was obvious that you and Changkyun had an expiration date. Hell, you have had so many of them in the past it was a wonder that you even made it this far. But somehow you always ended up with each other.

The topic of college had been looming over the two of you ever since your senior year of high school. He didn’t like the idea of you going to a different city and the thought of staying in the town you grew up in nauseated you. Your local community college had nothing to offer with all possible studies boring the hell out of you. You wanted change and a challenge and something that interested you. Changkyun never seemed to understand that. For him, you applying for other colleges felt like betrayal, that you were planning on leaving him, going somewhere where he didn’t know what you were up to, where he couldn't control who you hung out with.

So once the acceptance letters started to roll in the two of you fought on an almost daily basis. Somehow you had found the courage to tell him that you wanted to go to your current college and that you applied for a dorm room. He had just scoffed at that and told you that you wouldn't have the balls to leave anyway. That your little pampered, desperate self would not turn on him and leave. Two weeks ago you had finally gotten the approval for the dorm room. When you talked to Changkyun about trying to make this work long distance he completely flipped. You’ve had fights in the past, countless ones and he had broken up with you multiple times as well, but this was different.

This time it felt final. Irreversible.

He had left you a sobbing mess on the steps of your home, driving away way too fast in his car and skidding around the corner. You knew that he wouldn't come back. You knew that you wouldn't get the call. The call that he was sorry, the call that would make everything right again. You knew this wasn’t coming. But still you couldn’t comprehend that this was supposed to be the end. The real end.

You had sat on those steps for hours until your mother had finally come home and tried her best to get you inside. The rest of the day you spend asleep. Completely weak and dehydrated you fell into an uncomfortable sleep, only to wake up with tears still streaming down your face. You spend the week before leaving for college in a haze.

This wasn’t your usual coping mechanism.

You had stopped listening to music. This time around you didn’t drown your tears in Death Cab songs and ice cream wanting to be comforted by your friend and family. Instead you completely isolated yourself. You only ate when you were forced to and sleep didn’t come easy. Most nights you’d stared up at your bedroom’s ceiling, your mind completely empty but your body not letting you rest. It had felt like a part of you was missing that he literally had ripped out your beating heart where he stood. After a week you were only a shadow of yourself. You had packed for college with the help of your friend and moved into your dorm room. Sleep was still a rare commodity but you tried your best to start being hopeful about the future. You couldn't mope around forever and you shouldn’t let him ruin your first week of college.

But here you laid, not being able to sleep. The dorm room was dark and empty, the shadows from the trees outside dancing on the walls. Instead of trying to close your eyes you had grabbed your phone, the bright light of the screen hurting your eyes in the beginning. Looking at the pictures on your phone didn't make your feeling of crushing loneliness any better. On the contrary. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Knowing that the man you loved so much was done with you. Over you. Living life without you, like you never happend.

Luckily your roommate hadn’t moved in yet so no one was able to hear you sniffle and ultimately cry yourself to sleep at 4 a.m.

The next day you woke up to the loud noise from the hallway having ignored your alarm clock twice. Now you only had 15 minutes left to get dressed and rush to the lecture hall. One quick look in the mirror confirmed what you had dreaded all along. You looked like sh*t. You had wanted to start college bright-eyed and optimistic but those were not the kind of bright eyes you were looking for. You had no chance of wearing your contacts like this. Awesome. The cute first day of college outfit you had laid out the night before stared at you almost in disappointment and you grumpily grabbed your black-rimmed glasses out of the drawer and quickly put your hair up in a messy bun, brushing this bird’s nest of hair would have been a waste of time.

You rushed out of your dorm and onto the quad. Fortunately you already checked the way yesterday so instead of being completely lost you were able to just sprint across campus at full speed. Even though you earned a few “heys” and even one “Run, Forrest, run” you were able to make it in time. You hurried inside and tried to catch your breath as good as possible. Most of the seats were taken, everyone shows up for the first one, you thought.

You had found an empty seat in the back of the lecture hall and sat down as unnoticeable as you could. The young man next to you gave you a quick smile and a nod and then focussed back onto his notebook again. You pulled out your own notebook and the lecture began with your professor introducing himself and outlining the following semester before diving straight into the basic concepts that will be needed for the rest of the course.

You tried your hardest to focus but your mind tended to wander back to what you gave up to be here, if giving up was even the right word, and how your finger had hovered over Changkyun’s number time and time again the night before. You choked back the uncomfortable feeling that was forming in the back of your throat. You needed to concentrate. You brushed your thoughts aside as best as you could and focused on the blackboard.

Nothing. You couldn't make out a single word. Great. If you couldn’t even copy the blackboard you may as well just leave. You squinted at the blackboard in an attempt to decipher the words as your professor was writing them. What he's talking about should give you some clues but still the smudges remained. If you could have just worn your contacts then this wouldn't have happened but no, you petty excuse for a human being had to cry yourself to sleep and were now forced to run around like a mole with those humongous glasses of yours that let's be fair here, didn't do sh*t.

You sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of your nose. All the squinting has achieved was give you a mild headache and your notepad was still as blank as it could be apart from you writing the course name at the top. Just as you were starting to lean back in your chair and resigned to just listening, an unfamiliar notebook appeared at your side, nudging your arm.

"You can copy mine, if you'd like. That prof’s handwriting is like trying to read hieroglyphs."

You looked to your left and saw the guy next to you slide his notebook across.

"Oh and I took the liberty of correcting all his typos. You can be lucky that you don't have to deal with those cringe-worthy mistakes."

You chuckled slightly. It’s been days since you even smiled about anything, having forced all of them since the break-up. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

"No worries," the young man whispered. “I’m Kihyun by the way”

“Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you Y/N,” he said and smiled brightly.

His profile and jawline were sharp and he dressed unbelievably well. The sleeves of his button-down were rolled up to his elbows and his dark brown hair had a slight undercut. He was attractive to say the least. How could you not have noticed this when you first sat down. Ah yeah, you probably were feeling way too sorry for yourself at that time.

You quickly copied the notes and gave it back to him.

“Thanks again, I owe you one.”

"Nah. You're very welcome. But if you insist a coffee would be more than sufficient."

The next week you had finally been able to wear your contacts again. Thursday evening you had met the lovable idiot that was Hoseok. He’d spend the majority of the weekend listening to you cry your eyes out in the dorm common room. It was so easy to open up to him and maybe just maybe this was exactly what you needed. Someone who didn’t know the whole story who was completely impartial to hear your side of things. Talking to him made your shoulders a little lighter and he had made it his mission to make you feel better, to make you feel welcome and comfortable. He tried his best to get some nutritious food in you and forced you to join his Sunday morning jog.

The next day with your legs almost numb and a chipper, way too awake Hoseok by your side you arrived at the nearby coffee shop. It was a tiny cafe that was frequented mostly by the students and therefore it was usually packed at this time of day. Hoseok looked around the shop anxiously until his eyes met the ones of the guy sitting at the corner table.

“I gotta go. I don’t wanna keep Hyungwon waiting.”

“Hot date?” you said, eyeing the tall young man that was smiling sleepily at Hoseok and waved.

“Hell yes,” he replied and hurried off towards the other corner of the cafe. You took your two coffees from the counter and headed towards the lecture hall. Once you arrived you let your gaze wander through the rows until you spotted the only familiar face in the room.

“Good morning,” you said as you sat down and placed the cup of iced americano in front of Kihyun. “As promised.”

“Oh hey, thank you. I was wondering if you might have forgotten about me since you ignored me on Thursday.”

“Thursday? Where?” You fidgeted in your brain to try and remember where you could have seen him, but last week you were running on autopilot most of the time, without ever really registering your surroundings.

“Oh so you really didn’t even notice me. I was sitting like three people over in intro to media theory.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was spacing out a lot last week. I’m really sorry.”

“Well at least I know you didn’t forget me,” he said, taking the cup and nudged it against your own. ”Thanks again. That should help us not fall asleep.”

“I do hope so,” you said smiling as you started to sip your coffee.

“It doesn’t seem like you’ll need my perfectly-taken notes this time around,” Kihyun added, gesturing towards your non-existent glasses. “I gotta admit though I kinda miss the glasses.” You laughed shyly. “They looked cute on you.” Kihyun turned towards the blackboard as your professor started to speak up. “But I’m glad you look a little healthier this week,” he said mostly to himself but you were just able to catch it.

After unenthusiastically eating the remaining fries on your plate you got up, to make your way to your next course.

“So have you made up your mind?” Hoseok said leaning against a nearby wall, waiting for you.

“Of course I haven’t,” you said as you let the wrappers slide off your tray and into the trash can. “And he probably isn’t that interested in me anyway.”

“Excuse me? Do you remember that one time he asked you out and you straight up invited me along?” Hoseok rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah sure, he isn’t interested in you. And also to get back to our earlier discussion if that wasn't denial I don't know what was.”

“That wasn't denial. I literally didn't get it." You tried to look and sound as convincing as you could but Hoseok probably already saw through that. "And seriously ‘hang out’ is just not the language I associate with asking out," you added defensively.

“Oh come on. You were just scared out of your wits and panicked. Don't you try and wiggle your way out of this now,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder guiding your way out of the cafeteria and into the hallway.

“Not fair and do you have any idea how long ago I went on a date last. Like a real asking out, whole shabang, first date?” You brushed off his hand from your shoulder and looked at him in all seriousness.

"No idea, but I’m gonna presume it was AGES ago" Hoseok answered dramatically.

"Correct. I had like one first date in my life and that was Changkyun." You didn't like to admit this but it was the truth. He was your first, your first for basically everything.

“Are you sure you just didn't realize the other ones were dates"

“Stop it for God's sake. Shouldn't I know that?”

“Not if you were as dense then as you are now.” Hoseok winked at you and slid into the classroom to your right. “See you later.”

“Smartass,” you added quickly and stuck out your tongue. Unfazed by your childish action Hoseok blew you a kiss through the closing door.

“He’s such an idiot.” He was a pain in the ass but you were thankful for Hoseok. He always found a way to cheer you up but was also by your side with advice and an open ear, everytime you needed him. You walked to your own lecture hall with timid steps, lost in thought.

It’s been six months since you’ve last heard from Changkyun.

No texts, no calls, no updates on social media.

In fact you couldn’t even see his posts anymore, maybe he straight up blocked you. He probably was happy without you and better off. And you really had to face the fact that you yourself were happy here as well. That your life might not have turned out the picture perfect way you wanted it to be but you had found friends that supported and loved you and you were enjoying your studies tremendously. The only thing that was in the way was that damned guilty consciousness of yours and the nostalgia of a past albeit failed relationship.

Changkyun wasn’t coming back and even if he was you shouldn’t fall for it because time and time again you should have been taught that this relationship was going nowhere. You were like oil and water, you could force them to be together for a while but slowly they would drift apart again. You guys weren’t made for each other and every other fight had proven that. He was overly jealous and you were too timid to really speak your mind. He was your first relationship, the one you wanted to treasure for the rest of your life but as Hoseok said it just wasn’t healthy. Not in the slightest.

Going to college might have been the fallout you two needed to start living a life not dependent on each other, to be able to move on and to find your own happiness and a relationship where you were an equal and where you wouldn’t have to fear for your relationship every time you went out with friends. Changkyun was probably over you already anyway, it never took him long to prove to you that he didn't need you.

So why, why on earth were you still limiting yourself.

Why were you still in any way being considerate to this ass. The ass that made out with your friend in front of you just to prove a point. The ass that left you standing in the rain after a fight having to walk home for an hour. The ass that never treated you right. You lifted your head and straightened your back. He wasn’t worth it and more importantly you were worth so much more.

Once you stepped out onto the quad and towards the lecture hall you felt a gentle touch on your back.

“Hey, Y/N.” The soft voice unmistakably belonged to Kihyun. “Glad I caught up with you before the lecture began.”

He couldn't have picked a better time. Right when all your thoughts were jumbled and you were trying to untie it even slightly, he shows up. Right on time to throw all your progress overboard. Right on time to make you question everything you thought you had figured out.

“Hey Kihyun, ready for the lecture?” you replied as unfazed as you could muster.

“Please, when am I not.”

You laughed. Hoseok was right, he could be quite the smartass.

“But that’s not why I tried to catch up with you.”

“Okay…”

“Can we talk for a second?” He stopped walking and now stood before you.

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” Now you were straight up scared. ‘Can we talk’ never was a good thing. Your stomach twisted and you felt the nervousness slowly rise inside of you.

“I talked to Hoseok the other day and I think this might be the best idea.” So many questions rushed through your head. Kihyun talked to Hoseok? They were close? You had only seen them together like once apart from the times you forced those two together. Hoseok couldn’t have possibly snitched on you, right?

“I just thought that he might help me out or give me some advice since you two seemed to be very close.”

“Okay…” This could only go wrong. Definitely only go wrong. “What did he tell you?”

“To be honest he just told me to man up and suck it up.” Kihyun laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. His light brown hair refracted the light and some strands glowed golden in the early spring sun.

“That does sound like him.” You smiled and noticed that Kihyun had started to avoid eye contact which was something he never seemed to have a problem with. Instead his eyes were all over the place, continuously wandering from your eyes downwards to then dart into a completely different direction.

You had probably never seen him so flustered and it made you uneasy. Over time you had gotten so used to Kihyun’s normal overconfidence but now he seemed self-conscious and even a bit vulnerable.

“It seems like nothing has really worked so far. So I feel like if I’m not gonna make it very simple you would brush over it again and just bring me coffee to class instead of going with me to the cafe I had in mind. Or bring Hoseok along with you to the mall.” He chuckled a bit and you were terrified of what he would say next.

He took a deep breath.

“I like you Y/N.”

There it was. Out in the open. Something you had tried to deny for longer than you should be comfortable with. There you had your answer. And now there was no way you could ignore it. He was able to muster the courage to tell you and you were always trying your best not wanting to face this possibility.

Kihyun finally found your eyes again and you tried your best to not have your face be an open book, telling him every little detail that was going through your mind. The war inside your head, the shouting, the panic and the overall chaos of you trying to decide what to do.

Again he averted his look but this time you finally realized where his eyes were trailing off to as yours started to do the same. His lips were parted slightly and ever so slowly you felt the distance between the two of you closing, right now you weren’t in control anymore as your body felt to be moving on it’s own until his face was only inches away from your own.

Right before you closed yours you took one look into his stunning dark brown eyes, and the different shades of brown that were mixed in there, invisible unless you stared directly into them.

He kissed you softly and finally, finally in forever your mind was quiet.

No guilt, no anxiety, just the warm feeling of joy spreading through your body.

He placed his hand tentatively on your cheek and your heart skipped more than just one beat. The soft touch of his lips and the warmth of his hand left you completely helpless. You wanted this moment to last forever, to not let go, but instead Kihyun pulled away from you. His face was slightly blushed and you could still feel his lips faintly on yours. His hand lingered on your cheek and his thumb continued to caress your cheek bone gently. He looked at you for a while, taking in what had just happened, before he spoke up again.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I think you already have your answer,” you said and grabbed his collar drawing him in into another kiss, this time less timid than the one before.

Who you loved, you weren’t sure. But you didn’t have to be. Whatever part of your brain told you that you would have to decide right then and there if you loved Kihyun and if you really didn’t have any feelings left for Changkyun could just shut the hell up. You were so focussed on this question that you completely forgot how life really works. He didn’t say “I love you” simply because he couldn’t even know that yet. So why did you expect from yourself to be able to answer it already. Yes, part of you still loved Changkyun and would probably do so till the day that you die but that couldn’t stop you from liking Kihyun, from wanting to know more about him, from waiting to spend more time with him, from wanting to find out where this could lead you.

So no, you didn’t know who you loved but you’d find out, in your own time, at your own pace.

#mx #mostax #fanfiction #monstax fanfiction #changkyun #im #Kihyun #Wonho #changkyun angst #fkihyun fluff #changkyun x reader #kihyun x reader #aprils fanfiction #aprils arcadia

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arlingtonpark · 5 years ago

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Frozen 2 Review

You know, I’m starting to notice a trend with me and these Disney kid’s movies: I don’t like them.

And not because I’m not a kid, but because they really are badly written.

I’ll start with what I liked.

The animation was great, like in all Disney movies. Animation for Disney is like John Williams’ music in Star Wars - it’s good no matter what movie it is.

The song sequences, taken on their own, were show stopping. The action was grand, the singing was commanding, and the visuals were gorgeous.

…OK, now on to the stuff I didn’t like.

The movie starts off with Anna and Elsa playing together as kids. You know, before Elsa almost killed Anna. I don’t think this is bad per se, but I do think it undermines the gay subtext people read into Elsa’s character, and I’m sure lot of people will see that as bad, so I’m putting this in the “bad” section of this post.

Why do people read Elsa as a lesbian? Because she has to hide her powers, the thing that makes her different, like how gay people have to hide their gayness.

This has always been the case, but this movie really reinforces it: Elsa was only forced to hide her powers after she showed the capacity to harm others with them.

In other stories, people with superpowers have to hide those powers because they have powers, not because they can harm people with them. It’s about the power itself, not the burden of having them. This is a good metaphor for things like homosexuality.

In Frozen, things are kind of a mess. Elsa was forced “into the closet” because of the demonstrable harm she posed to others, not because she had the powers to begin with. Frozen 2 emphasizes this point: Elsa’s parents were accepting of her powers up until she showed they could be used to harm others.

Gay people are forced to hide themselves because people in polite society are expected to conform to certain standards. There is an element of rejecting nonconformity in Frozen. In that movie, people see Elsa using her powers and dub it witchcraft.

So there are some elements to the movie that support an LGBT metaphor, but other elements contradict that reading, so it all ends up being a big mess.

Frozen 2 is about how different groups need to get along and how past wrongs need to be made right.

The story opens with some storytime by Elsa and Anna’s dad:

Anna and Elsa’s granddad made contact with an indigenous group of people called the Northuldra. These Northuldra were not magical, but they were able to harness the magic that was endemic to their land.

Granddaddy had a dam built in the Northuldra’s territory as a peace offering. But during a celebration of its completion, a fight broke out and grandad was killed. Why the fight happened is unknown, but the forest spirits were angered and a mist overcast the whole region, locking it away.

And that is how Elsa and Anna’s dad became the king.

Seriously. That’s the payoff to the king’s story. Interethnic conflict and it’s all setup for how he got his cool hat.

I think that was smart!

Lots of awful historical events are glossed over for the sake of relatively trivial bullshit. I mean, I’m writing this on Thanksgiving. A holiday about being thankful is great! But the peace between colonists and natives that this holiday is built around is negated by…how there was no peace in the end. We all understand that on some level, right?

So I think this is a cool nod to how historical events, even historical atrocities, are mythologized.

The motivator for our heroes is uncovering the true history of Arendelle so the angry forest spirits can be calmed.

The true history is this:

Grandad actually hated the Northuldra. He built the dam to make them a vassal of his kingdom…somehow.

The ceremony was just a way for him to size up the Northuldra and determine their strength. He was the one who started the fight.

So…

Why did grandad use the ceremony to size up the Northuldra if that same ceremony was a trap to…kill them all, I guess?

Grandad uses the ceremony to learn of their numbers and strength, the same ceremony he uses to kill their leader and incite a conflict. You’d think the king would have learned the Northuldra’s numbers and strength before this. Just, you know, in the course of interacting with them and coordinating construction of the dam.

And why did King Grandad go to all the trouble of building the dam if he was just going to start a war with the Northuldra?

That’s a big ass dam! The king had it built and for what? Was he going to enslave them? That hardly seems worth it.

I guess the king was just a greedy bastard, but…he’s barely a character at all, so it’s just bad writing.

The point, though, is that the past!Arendellites did something awful and this needs to be set right. The dam still stands and its existence angers the forest spirits. But if the dam is destroyed, the water behind it will flood the area and destroy Arendelle.

So……

Arendellites of the past are big meanie heads.

This has repercussions through to the present.

This has to be made right.

That means destroying Arendelle.

Is this supposed to be applicable to our world?

White people of the past are big meanie heads.

This has repercussions through to the present.

This has to be made right.

That means…destroying white people?

Yes, the institution of racism still exists, and yes, that has to be made right. But no one is saying white people have to lose their homes. What is this movie even talking about?

Radical leftists, the ones who aren’t shitheads, want to sweep away the current order, but that’s because they want to replace it with a new one.

Reparative action means destroying the old order to replace it with a better one. This movie casts reparative action as just destructive.

I like to think of this as being like global warming. Many people think that to fight global warming we have to basically ruin our lives and sacrifice economic growth. We need to give up all our environmentally harmful practices and this basically means living Extreme Paleo. It’s that or a world with no ice caps.

But that’s not true. We don’t have to make that choice. We can have an environmentally sustainable economy and be just as prosperous as we’ve always been.

This movie seems to believe that making amends for the past requires some sacrifice by the descendants of the perpetrators.

If the racial hierarchy were destroyed, white people would no longer benefit from it, so in that sense they would lose out, but that’s not the same thing as losing your home!

The movie is clearly a commentary. It tries soooo hard to be topical and relevant; it only succeeds in being irreverent.

Why do the people at Disney keep trying to talk about racism? They suck at it! They have no idea what they’re talking about.

First Zootopia, now this. They keep trying and trying; I wish they’d stop.

Do they have any self-awareness? If they did, they’d realize they’re just confusing children with these badly designed messages.

The movie tries to be a social commentary. It does so by elucidating a dilemma that doesn’t exist. There is no trade-off between righting the past and continuing our livelihoods.

Ah, but you see, this movie is multilayered in how bad it is.

In the end, Anna decides to destroy the dam, Arendelle be damned. The dam breaks and the kingdom is about to be swamped.

And then, in an almost literal deus ex machina, Elsa swoops in on a magical contraption and uses her powers to BS the tension away.

So………

On one level we have the silly trade-off the movie proposes. Do the next right thing and fix racism, but lose your home. (If this movie were a person, it’d be an old man yelling at clouds.)

On another level, if we take this proposal for granted, we’ve got a completely uninspired message about how doing what’s right will never backfire on you.

*vomits*

Returning to the social commentary level, this means the message is that we need magic to solve the dilemma that doesn’t actually exist.

We need a special, almost magical someone who can BS away all the BS sacrifices white people need to make to right the sins of their ancestors.

(It’s not just the politics, this movie is poorly thought out in general.)

This movie has a very unsubtle theme about change. It’s so horribly done, I can’t believe it’s real.

By the end of the movie, Anna is queen now and Elsa decides to live with the Northuldra. That’s the only meaningful change and the implications of it are not shown to us.

The movie ignores the burdens of statecraft, so how much being queen now affects Anna’s life isn’t important to the narrative.

And we don’t see much of Elsa’s new life either. All we see is her frolicking on horseback through a field with a wide smile on her face. Really.

Elsa struggles with alienation in this movie, except we don’t really see it. We are told that she feels out of place, but there’s nothing in the movie to suggest a fundamental disconnect between Elsa and everyone else.

I mean, I get that Elsa’s magical and Arendelle isn’t, but Elsa doesn’t seem unhappy when the film picks up. Whatever angst she has in the first act is because of the voice she’s hearing. If she feels that Arendelle is a poor fit for her, it wasn’t communicated well.

This is to say that Frozen 2 is only tepidly about the dynamism of life. There’s no change for the worse, and what change for the better there is lacks gravitas.

Elsa’s decision to live amongst the Northuldra is another example of the writers not paying attention.

Another attempted example of change occurring is the unification of the Northuldra and Arendelle. A statue of Elsa and Anna’s parents, who it turns out were each from one of the groups, is erected to commemorate this newfound unity. Anna remarks that the races have “finally” been united.

Unfortunately, the implications of this unity are not shown, so it’s all meaningless.

You would think there would be an exchange of ideas between the two groups. Things like music, food, ideals, etc. We don’t see that. So the change that this movie talks a lot about just isn’t there.

Back to Elsa living with the Northuldra, I take it as implying that there won’t be much real coexistence between the Arendellites and the Northuldra. Because if there were a real cultural exchange, I don’t think Elsa would’ve made the move.

She felt she had to live with the Northuldra to feel more at home. This implies there will continue to be a meaningful disconnect between the two groups.

Instead of Elsa moving, why can’t the people of Arendelle integrate magic into their daily lives like the Northuldra?

Are human settlements just inherently anti-magical?

That’s problematic, because the Northuldra in general smack of being noble savages.

The noble savage trope is a stereotypical depiction of native peoples. The stereotype is that natives have a primitive way of life that lets them be one with nature. It romanticizes native culture.

Frozen 2 leans very heavily on the noble savage trope to communicate its ideas. The Northuldra are one with nature, but this is disrupted when the dam is built. Human civilization is a taint upon the Northuldra’s communion with nature, as represented by the forest spirits.

The whole point behind the noble savage trope is that the native way of life is uncorrupted by human civilization.

Exactly how the dam’s existence is a blight is never explained; the movie uses the noble savage trope as a cheat to get across why the dam is a bad thing.

“Why is the dam bad?”

“Uh, er, well, it’s civilization!”

The movie tries to be about how the races need to coexist, even as it sets one side up as being superior to the other, while showing no sharing of ideas or even goods.

In Frozen 2, “coexistence” means separate but equal.

This movie tries to do a lot.

There’s an arc for Anna about doing the next right thing, an arc for Kristoff and Anna about getting married, the social commentary about uncovering the true history and atoning for past misdeeds, and two major arcs for Elsa. One about her feeling alienated and another about her having this savior complex. She thinks she has to be the one to save everyone.

Subsequently, many plot beats feel half-baked and rushed. Elsa’s alienation wasn’t really established. Anna’s decision to destroy the dam wasn’t dwelled upon, so it didn’t have the emotional weight it could have.

Elsa’s arc about trying to go it alone is very badly handled.

The point of the arc is that teamwork is golden and relying on your powers is as valuable as a shiny penny.

But once again, it is clear the writers aren’t paying attention. One scene in particular was a galaxy brain fuck up.

A forest fire breaks out and Elsa tries to put it out. Anna jumps in because it looks like Elsa is going to be overwhelmed. You would think that Anna will get Elsa to drop putting the fire out and save herself.

But nope.

Anna is the one who needs to be bailed out. Elsa successfully puts the fire out.

Just, ugggghhhh.

Then later on, some rock giants are lumbering about and everyone has to avoid their notice. But Elsa tries to go off on her own again and follow them.

Because she thinks she can tame them.

Huh???

Elsa’s arc here is about teamwork, but trying to tame these things is just a stupid idea. With following the voice, it’s clear they have to do it if they want to get things to normal. It’s their mission.

Why tame rock giants?

The problem with this moment is that Elsa isn’t just being arrogant, she’s being an idiot.

Then we get to the finale and Elsa’s arc about teamwork just peters out and isn’t a factor in it. Everyone has a role to play in the climax, but it’s all serendipitous.

The kind of teamwork the movie tries to uphold up to this point entails not just trusting other people, but actually working together.

They learn they have to venture into the unknown. Elsa tries to go alone, but relents when Anna argues she should go too.

Later, Elsa tries to go alone to the mystery river and sends Anna away against her will. This is presented as a bad thing.

The lesson, so far, seemed to be that you can’t go it alone.

In the finale, they all go it alone while still working with each other. The finale emphasizes trust, while the rest of the movie emphasizes actual teamwork.

It’s not that they’re all a team working together, it’s more like they’re all playing off each other and making it up as they go.

Elsa learns the true history and communicates it to Anna.

Anna takes it upon herself to go dambusting.

Kristoff helps, but he doesn’t know what’s going on. Teamwork implies everyone is of the same mind. That’s not the case here.

The guards try to stop Anna, but they eventually choose to trust that this is the right thing to do. They don’t really know what’s going on either.

Then, just to really drive home how much they don’t care, at the very end Elsa uses her powers to save everyone singlehandedly.

Because you can’t go it alone.

You can’t just rely on your own power.

Every bridge has two sides, so even Elsa needs help from others.

(That bridge metaphor is the dumbest line in the whole movie.)

The people behind this movie obviously didn’t care. They put no thought in this. See Kristoff’s in-movie MTV music video.

Yes, really, that happened. In it, Kristoff laments being unable to really connect with Anna.

I’m about to sing a song lamenting the future of this franchise.

#frozen 2 #spoilers

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papipopsicle · 7 years ago

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DISCO INFERNO

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Genre: fluff, v v slight angst

Summary: In which the usual basketball practice is cancelled, and Billy is surprisingly happy when he finds out why.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of abusive parents, racist father, Steve being a shitty friend.

Words: 3K

feedback is always appreciated

"I actually hate you."

"Love you too." Y/N replied and rolled her eyes as the brunette she called her best friend practically threw his lunch tray against the table top. Nancy jumped at the noise, her wide eyes bouncing from the two then back to Jonathan's hand in hers under the table. "Mind telling me what's made you harbour such strong feelings towards me?"

"You just had to steal the gym on the one day we play basketball, didn't you?" Steve huffed, sending the girl a playful look of annoyance. In all honesty he really didn't mind, it meant he'd have a couple hours free to catch up on an essay due earlier today.

"It's not my fault the school is cheap and the studio now has a crater in the roof from the storm." Y/N pulled at the sleeves of her baby pink bomber jacket and shivered at the thought of leaving the warm confines of Hawkins High School, "Maybe it's a sign that you should join, Stevie, we're always looking to diversify the group with more male dancers."

"Fuck off." The boy shoved Y/N's shoulder lightly with his and the four carried on eating like normal. They were an unlikely group of friends, an ex-flame and ex-friendship turned into a new flame and a new friendship.

The day droned on as it always did and the final bell sounded throughout the building. Kids eagerly ran to their lockers and out the large entrance unable to stay in school for a moment more than necessary, but for Y/N, her day was only just starting. She weaved through the crowds, going against the current and deeper into the school until she found herself in the girl's locker room. Y/N greeted the other girls already there and quickly changed into a pair of pink leggings and a baggy black top, throwing her Hawkins High sweatshirt on top. She tied her y/h/c hair into a ponytail and double knitted her trainer's laces before making her way to the gym.

"Training's cancelled today, Hargrove." Montgomery shouted down the corridor, watching as his friend paused his movements and turned around, "Dancers are taking over until they fix the roof."

"That's bull." Billy groaned, his hand running through his long hair in annoyance. Basketball meant not needing to be a chauffeur for Max and not having his father on his back for another couple hours. Of course he had P.E tomorrow but that didn't make a difference.

Monty shrugged, "Its not like we can do anything, the Principal basically licks Y/L/N's arse for fun."

That stifled Billy. He'd slept with half of the cheer squad by week two in Hawkins. There wasn't a girl in his year he didn't at least know the name of, not that he ever used their name. "Y/L/N?" He asked casually, intrigued by the idea of fresh meat.

"Harrington's girl, Y/N. C'mon, you've seen that ass." The boy joked with a smirk, but when Billy simply knitted his eyebrows together, Montgomery hit the boy's chest out of shock and began walking towards the gym dragging him behind, "Mate, you're about to owe me big time."

The two athletes snuck into the bleachers undetected and as soon as Monty pointed her out as the girl leading the group warm up session, Billy's heart sped up. Of course he recognised her, but he didn't like the reasoning behind it. Sure, she had an amazing body, one the boy next to him clearly enjoyed jerking off to, but it was always tucked safely under Steve's arm in the halls. He was her own personal bodyguard. Billy's memory was still fuzzy from the events at the Byers' house three months ago, but Y/N was vividly part of that disjointed memory.

She demonstrated a host of stretches for the group to mirror as 'Immigrant Song' blasted through the large gymnasium. Both boys were in a trance at that moment and completely forgot that they couldn't play basketball, almost happy about it. Billy found himself in awe at the pure joy lacing the smile on Y/N's face in that moment, like nothing else mattered to her other than living in the moment. The girl dropped into the splits and that's when Billy lost it, his heart racing a million miles an hour at her confidence and finesse.

Montgomery shook his head and patted Billy's shoulder with a chuckle, "I bet she's so fucking dirty when Harrington isn't around to keep her in line, you know, daddy issues, that kind of shit."

The boy kept talking but Billy zoned out, not caring for his remarks. He hadn't even noticed Monty's disappearance for another half an hour after that. It may not have seemed like it, but the blond really was trying to change his ways one step at a time, one of those steps being not talking about or treating women like pieces of meat. It was a work in progress, but Y/N wasn't going to be a step back.

He stayed for the next two hours, sat on the uncomfortable wooden benches in the bleachers, completely mesmerised by the way Y/N moved with so much fluidity and grace. Only towards the end of the session after perfecting the new routine had Y/N burst her little dance bubble long enough to notice Billy. She sent him a warm smile, one he was sure he didn't deserve after what she must have seen at the Byers house, but he didn't think twice before returning it.

The music was all deafening disco apart from the odd Led Zeppelin, Scorpions or Metallica song standing out like garish yellow highlighter on a pristine white page of notes. Billy enjoyed it those though, humming along and forcing himself to hide the grin that tugged at the corners of his lips as he noticed Y/N singing along too. She winked at him and slid to her knees, fully committing to the worlds most embarrassing yet incredible air-guitar solo. Y/N giggled and began the usual end speech encouraging everyone to carry on with as much enthusiasm and all that bullshit.

When she had gathered all her belongings and turned off the stereo, Y/N turned back to the bleachers in hope of seeing Billy still sat there, but he'd somehow left as secretively as he came. She pouted but quickly stopped her mind from going down that route before it even had the chance.

Instead of getting changed back into her earlier clothes, Y/N shoved them into her gym bag and left the girls locker room in search of her ride. It was hailing heavily outside, the small pieces of ice beating at the building's roof and just as she peered out of the window into the car park, lightning struck, thunder following seconds later. Y/N jumped, always skittish in storms. She couldn't see Steve's signature car in its usual spot, even in this weather she'd know his car from anyone's. Surely he wouldn't have left her without at least saying, especially in this weather. But minutes passed and there was no sign of the BMW anywhere.

Y/N groaned and whimpered at the thought of walking in the torrential rain, why had she let Steve convince her into giving her a lift instead of taking her motorbike? At least then she'd get home quicker. Scouring the car park for any other viable options, she noticed Billy's car and honestly couldn't choose which was worse; walking half an hour in this weather and probably dying from the worst cold in history, or asking Billy for a lift. She'd take a hailstorm over his reckless driving any day.

Billy Hargrove was damaged, Y/N didn't know exactly what he'd been through, but it wasn't pleasant. He had now real regard for his own life anymore, let alone other people.

It took a few seconds to gather enough courage to exit the school, and by the time she had, she was soaked to the bone immediately. Y/N heard her name being called over the rain and soon a large black jacket was held above her head as a makeshift umbrella. It was a leather jacket to be exact, Billy's leather jacket. She looked up at him in confusion and was quickly pulled back into the school's foyer.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Billy asked rhetorically and put his jacket over her shoulders in attempts to bring her some warmth, but it only shrouded the girl in his scent. She didn't take any notice of his harsh tone, and instead pulled her hair out of the jackets collar as he continued ranting loudly, "Do you know how dumb it is to walk in this, Y/L/N? You'll freeze before you get home. Harrington will blame himself if you die and then he'll blame me if he finds out I let you walk home in this. I don't need him badgering me about your death for the rest of my life, so, let me drive you home?"

It was more of a request than a question, but either way Y/N had a snarky response lined up as she pulled the jacket closer to her frame, "I'd rather be hit by your car than let you drive me in it, love."

"Fine." Billy's voice came out in a low grumble and he took a step towards the girl, now only centimetres between them, "You can drive."

Y/N's mouth gasped open in shock, Billy was emotionally attached to his car, it was the closest thing he had to a functioning relationship. She didn't know whether it was appropriate to laugh or not, but when he held his keys out on front of her face for her to catch, Y/N raised her eyebrows, "Wait, you're being serious?"

He shrugged with a carefree smirk plastered across his face, jangling the keys a little, "Just take the damn keys before I realise how stupid this is."

"Excuse you, I'm an excellent driver, your baby is in good hands." Y/N smiled widely, one that made the dormant butterflies in Billy's stomach flutter about and do somersaults.

She pinched the metal key ring before he had the chance to retract it, and skipped gleefully over to the double doors. The girl turned back to see him still stood in the exact same position mulling over whether this was a good decision or not. "Hargrove." Y/N huffed out.

He sighed and finally came back to reality, zoning in on the y/h/c girl to find her intently watching him with a small smirk playing at her lips, "If you land even one fucking mark on the paint job, you're dead, got it?"

Y/N looked up at him, now standing right beside her in front of the doors, wide eyes acting startled by the words before crinkling as she let out an obnoxiously loud giggle, almost snorting, "Ouh, I'm so scared. Three, two, one, run!"

The girl sprinted out of the double doors quicker than the last flash of lightning, using Billy's jacket as a hood while unlocking the Camaro in haste, throwing her bags in the back and starting the engine. Billy soon joined her, his hair sopping and shirt stuck to his chest in just a few seconds.

He was about to ask her what was taking so long to start driving, considering pushing herself into the back seat and driving himself, but Billy turned from frustrated to weirdly warm and fuzzy as he watched the girl slip her arms into his jacket. It didn't fit her well, swamping her small frame and looking bulky over her sweatshirt, but somehow it was still an adorable sight.

The rain and hail beat against the roof constantly, filling any space for conversation, but he still put the radio on in case the air became too silent. Surprisingly, she hummed along to the Mötley Crüe song and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel while leaving the school car park. He noticed she was hesitant, which was pretty standard considering the weather.

Neither teenager tried to make conversation, and his eyes trailed across the exposed skin of her hands after a couple minutes of staring out the window. A few white lines mirroring gashes and wounds littered her flesh, and he wondered what the cause of such scattered scars might have been. He stopped starring like a crazy person and focused on the way she handled his car with so much care and affection, finding it oddly endearing.

But soon Y/N had pulled into her driveway and cut the engine. She turned to him and sent the boy a small yet warm smile, "Thanks for not driving me."

He shook his head with a chuckle, suddenly so self aware of the situation. A pretty girl was in his car, wearing his leather jacket, looking up at him with 'fuck me' eyes. It was a circus act at this point, trying to do something nice but ending up in the same place, well not always the same place physically- the backseat most times, rarely their bed, and never his. Billy leaned closer, his breath hot against Y/N's cool skin, and just as his lips were about to touch hers, the girl jerked back just realising what was happening.

She looked up at him sincerely, placing her hand over his on the centre console, "Don't kiss me. You let me drive your car home from school, this isn't the end to some elaborate date."

Y/N moved to get her bags from the backseats, only to have Billy cut off her movements, "You drove me home, didn't you?"

The question sounded a little strange at first, but the girl registered what he meant and bit the inside of her cheek before nodding, "A lot happened that night, a lot that can't be changed or taken back. Not that I've made it clear, but I have a bit of a soft spot for you, Hargrove. You've done a lot of unforgivable things, you know that, I'm not going to lecture you. But I understand why you did them." Y/N didn't know whether to carry on, she didn't want to leave the car but evidently this was a heavy conversation and a rather uncomfortable one at that.

She unclasped the seatbelt and turned to face the boy with a warm expression, "The only boy I've ever brought home, Nathan, he was the sweetest human on the planet. Considering we were fifteen, he treated me like a princess, always buying me little gifts and taking me on adventures. But my dad couldn't see past the colour of his skin, and then he decided to throw the entire twelve piece set of china-wear at me until I promised not to see him ever again. If I'm right, our dads are pretty similar in that regard. I get you don't want that to happen to Max, that it was your personal way of protecting her. It doesn't excuse anything you've done, not in the slightest, but I understand."

Silence enveloped the car and Y/N dared to look up at Billy, finding his facade of egotistical male dominance shattered. She didn't brush aside his problems, but didn't treat him with kid gloves either, he didn't know how to respond but he was still just as in awe of the girl in front of him now, a few escaped tears trickling down her soft cheeks, as he was with the confident dancer.

She cleared her throat and sent him one last smile, lighting his insides into an inferno like a match, and Y/N reached for the door handle. Billy tugged her back physically this time, holding her so tightly with so much hidden emotion in the embrace. She burrowed into the crook of his neck and hugged him back with everything in her, hoping he'd somehow realise he wasn't alone on this road of tragedy.

"If I'm not at school, I'm usually here." Y/N pointed towards the house, lingering close to Billy still, "I know I'm not much, but I can distract you from how shitty life is and the inevitability of death if you ever want me to." She giggled, her tone light as a feather but her words heavy with meaning.

"Or if you ever want your jacket back." She winked, wrapping the leather garment around her figure tightly and getting out of the car. Billy slid into the drivers seat and watched in amusement as she fumbled with her keys and entered the house, only after looking back with a dazzling smile and another wink. The door shut quickly to keep the house warm and then boy pulled away from the driveway, wondering how this girl had entered his heart so quickly and when exactly she'd be the death of him.

Y/N skidded through the house with a less than happy demeanour, hitting the number two key on the house phone and hearing two rings before someone picked up, "Hello?" She greeted through gritted teeth, needing to know which family member was on the other end.

There was some indistinct shouting before her best friend finally answered, "Y/N/N? Oh thank go-"

"Where the fuck did you go, Harrington?" She seethed, it might have turned out okay for her in the end but that didn't excuse the shittiness of Steve's actions. He didn't know Billy let her drive, and she was going to have fun making him work to get that apology accepted.

"Please don't hate me, but I gave Nancy a lift."

#billy hargrove #billy #hargrove #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fluff #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove imagines #dacre montgomery #dacre x reader #dacre imagine #dacre montgomer imagine

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crystallized-shadow · 6 years ago

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The Killer Meme

Tagged by @a-kid-named-hiro

[Me, Myself, I]

What is your philosophy/motto in life? Always try your best; you can’t always be the best but you can do your best.

How did you choose your User Name, and what does it reveal of your character? It’s my username from a different site and I really like it. I guess it could mean I’m the shiny thing in the dark?

What did you want to be “when you grew up” when you were younger? If your current job/plans are different, why did you change? I wanted to be Veterinarian when I was a kid but an allergy to dogs put a kibosh on that pretty quick.

What was the worst nightmare you have ever had? I usually don’t remember my dreams, but I can remember one where someone me shot in the back.

Tell the story behind one or more of your scars (physical, not emotional). I have several but the story is the same: I’m a fucking klutz.

What one thing would you like your great-great-grandchildren to know about you? What one thing would you NOT want them to know? I don’t intend to reproduce.

How do you learn (things-for-exams)? Re-reading notes and frantically cramming right before the exam (I do NOT recommend this method)

What was the cause of the worst physical pain you have ever been in? I slipped on the ice; over-extended two tendons, concussed a nerve, bruised my tailbone, and hurt my knee (I had to sit through 4 hours of classes before I could do anything about it, not fun)

Where do you live (a country is fine, just name a place)? USA

What is your biggest fear? Not living up to my own expectations

[Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used to Be]

What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done? (Not the best, or the most accomplished, or the most life-altering, just the coolest). Gone tubing down the river

If you could change one event from your own personal history, what would it be and how would you change it? I let something very dear to me go, if I could change anything, I would never have made that decision

Describe the one thing you have learned in the course of your education, either inside school or outside of it, which you consider the most valuable. Actions speak louder than words, especially among people who are supposed to be your friends.

What memory would call up your personal Patronus spell? (in other words, what memory is your happiest or sweetest?) Any memory featuring my precious people happy

Describe the three best pairs of shoes that you’ve ever owned - favorites because of comfort, the way they look, the brand, any reason at all. Any shoes that I don’t have to tie are fucking amazing

[If I Ruled the World]

If you could have been born and grown up somewhere else, where would that have been? I liked where I grew up, so I wouldn’t change it

What would you demand in exchange for giving up your personal freedoms and civil liberties? Would never give them up

If there were no laws, which (former) crime would be the first you’d commit? I’d make all student loans disappear forever!

If you could do one thing or grant one wish for someone else, what would it be? I’d wish that those near and dear to my heart be happy for the rest of their lives

If you could know anything about your future, what would it be? If I’m happy with my life

Owing to a peculiar concatenation of events, you are the wealthiest person in the world, and the latter will end in 24 hours. Money being no object, and saving the world being impossible, what would you do during that last day? I’d make it the best day ever for everyone I care about. If we’re all going to die we might as well go out with a bang!

If you could hunt down one childhood tormentor (whether it be bully, tattletale, mean teacher, or friend’s mother who hated you for no good reason) and exact revenge upon them in some spectacular, prankish fashion without worry of consequences, who would you choose, and what would you do to him/her? That’s hard to say since karma has taken care of a few of these people. There is one person I’d love to slap in the back of the head for being incompetent when I got hurt, so I guess I’d do that.

If I offered you a chance to have anything you wanted, the cost being someone you didn’t know dies, would you accept? If I could stipulate the that person has to be a piece of shit that no one will miss, then hell yeah! Otherwise I’d have to give it some thought.

If you could have any one superpower, what would it be? Time travel

If you could punch any one person from any point in history, who would you pick? I have a list of people that deserve a good punch in the face

If you were given the opportunity to live another life, what kind of life would you like to have? I’d want a life where I could be happy and not have to worry about anyone hurting me or those close to me

If you could alter history in one specific place, where would it be, and why? Stopping someone close to me from ever dating the fucking whore who did nothing but fuck them over

Assuming you (or a group of friends) conquer Earth, which section(s) of the planet would you personally desire, and why? Somewhere quiet with good wi-fi so we could have a place to relax

If you could, with no repercussions, subject anyone you wanted to one day of utter and complete torture, who would you choose, why would you choose them, and what would you do to them? Conversely, if you could give anyone you wanted (other than yourself) one day of perfect happiness, who/why/what would you choose? The fucking whore I mentioned earlier, I would subject her to a day of torture, without hesitation.

It might be cliche, but my mom deserves the best fucking day ever so I would pick her.

[Media and Culture]

Hollywood called: they’re filming your life story. Who do you cast as yourself? I would just laugh and hang up the phone

They want to make your life into a Cartoon. Which graphic artist do you want to draw it? Not sure why anyone would want to do that, but I would pick @sinyaru or @artbythedarkside because I fucking love their art!

Your favourite Blackadder episode and why? ???

Movie adaptations of books - heinous, evil and always disappointing or perfectly acceptable? It really depends on the book and the actors they pick

What one song brings up the strongest emotion (negative or positive) for you? Hold Me Tight or Don’t by Fall Out Boy Killing Kind by Mariana’s Trench

If you had the choice to live in any fictional world, as in transposed into a book, which one would it be? Please explain why. Naruto, preferably during the Fonder’s Era because I want to me Madara and Tobirama! Also ninjas.

What is your favorite artwork (painting, sculpture, etching, whatever) and why? I can’t say I have a favorite piece, but personally I enjoy painting.

Name twelve songs for the soundtrack of your life. (In no particular order)

1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day) 2. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea (Fall Out Boy) 3. THNKS FR TH MMRS (Fall Out Boy) 4. It’s My Life (Bon Jovi) 5. High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco) 6. Natural (Imagine Dragons) 7. Teenagers (My Chemical Romance) 8. Head Above Water (Avril Lavigne) 9. I Don’t Care (Fall Out Boy) 10. Numb (Linkin Park) 11. Victorious (Panic! At the Disco) 12. Get Out Alive (Three Days Grace)

If you could have only five cds, which would they be? No burned cds count - only ones you physically purchase in a store/online. (In no particular order)

1. Mania (Fall Out Boy) 2. Phantoms (Mariana’s Trench) 3. Save Rock and Roll (Fall Out Boy) 4. Them vs. You vs. Me (Finger 11) 5. Pray For The Wicked (Panic! At the Disco)

Batman or Superman? Loki

What fictional character do you most identify with and why? If I had to pick I would say maybe Tobirama Senju. I can come across as cold, will do odd things to satisfy curiosity, and my intentions can be misinterpreted by those that don’t know me.

[The Completely Hatstand Section]

True or false: pineapple on pizza is wrong. False.

If you were a color, what would you be and why? Black or red, they are my favorites.

If you could be an inanimate object, what would you be and why? A dictionary so no one would use me

Assuming reincarnation exists, who do you think you may have been in a past life? How would you like to come back in the next? The running joke in my family is I was a pirate in my past life because my alcohol of choice, when I drink, is rum. I’d like to come back as a cat so I can be lazy and knock shit over XD

If you were a weapon, what would you be and why? A katana because they are badass

Do you wear orange? Why/Why not? Not really, it’s just not a color I own a lot of.

If you could ask your deity of choice one question and have it answered, what would you ask? I’m honestly not sure, maybe what’s the secret to the universe?

True/False: Green buffalos come from Albania. (seriously, now.) Um, false?

[Fair Trades and Dilemmas]

If remaining a virgin (or abstaining from sex) for the rest of your life would allow you to do real magic, would you do it? Fuck yeah! Magic is fucking awesome!

How much money would it take for you to appear naked (full-frontal) for five seconds on national television? A fuck ton of money, like more money than currently exists; I am very self-conscious.

Would you rather be a complete idiot with a charming personality, or intellectually brilliant but have no friends? I’d rather be intellectually brilliant, because my true friends would still be my friends, regardless of how smart I am.

You can start any business of your choice, whether for-profit or non-profit, regardless of whether this business exists practically in the world or not and whether there’s an existing business model to make your chosen business work or not. Irrespective of what it is, it will start off moderately successfully and eventually become very successful. You will make a very satisfactory wage and your investors/sponsors will be very pleased with your work. What business would you start? Some online business that rivals Amazon.

Would you sacrifice an unknown portion of your life so that a loved one could live for one more year? Without a doubt

Tagging @theintellectualweeb @sinyaru @artbythedarkside and whoever else wants to do it

#Crystal speaks #tag game #thanks for the tag Hiro!#sorry it took me so long to do it!

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oadara · 7 years ago

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Similarities between Jonerys and Reylo

As the popularity of the paring between Kylo Ren/Ben (KRB) and Rey of Jakku (aka Reylo) increases among the Jonerys fandom there have been some questions as to why, those of us who ship both, find similarities between these two couples (I know Reylo is not a couple, yet, but I’ll refer to them as such for the purposes of this mini-meta).

If you are looking at these two couples and try to make a one-to-one comparison between the two, you’re not going to find it. Jon isn’t KRB and Dany is Rey or Jon isn’t Rey and Dany isn’t KRB. Not only are these stories geared towards different audiences, they are a different genre and are going about their storytelling in different ways. A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones is a political and personal drama told through the lens of medieval fantasy. While Star Wars is a fairy tale told through the lens of a Sci-fi Space Opera Western.

The similarities I’ve noticed are of a thematic and symbolic kind and although the individual character have some similarities between each other, the real similarities are seen when looking at the paring as a whole and how they are presented to us throughout the story. This is based on my interpretation of both these couples, others might view things differently. Eventually, I would like to expand on these similarities but for now, I’ll do a quick run through of the similarities I’ve noticed between the two pairings.

Balance

This is not an uncommon theme in stories but it’s central theme of both these tales. A Song of Ice and Fire, of the bat we know that this story is about two opposites either coming together in battle or love or both. Ice and Fire or Water and Fire are two elements that sit opposite from one another. Our central characters Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow are representatives of these opposing elements and many of us believe that through their union the balance lacking from Westeros will finally be achieved.

On the other hand, we have Star Wars whose central theme is the balance of the Force between the light and the dark. In this trilogy, these opposing forces are represented by Rey of Jaklu and Kylo Ren, aka Ben Solo. When they are first introduced they are on opposite sides of a war that has been raging for a few generations. Rey becomes KRB’s prisoner but soon proves to be a true challenge for him. Her strength in the Force is equal to his, something he has not encountered before. “Darkness rises and light to meet it,” says Snoke, insulating the divide between the two but it also insinuates a coming together of the two.

Generational Saga

The other big theme in both these stories is that of the current generation reckoning with the mistakes of their ancestors. Although ASoIaF revolves primarily around the House Stark, the expanded world of Ice and Fire revolves around House Targaryen and it is their actions throughout their history of ruling that have shaped Westeros to what it is today. On the other hand, Star Wars is the generational saga of the Skywalker family and how their connection to the Force has shaped the galaxy.

Pretty much everything that has happened in ASoIaF can be traced to past mistakes and the most immediate of those are the actions of The Mad King, Aerys Targaryen and those of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. The event surrounding the doom romance and Aerys actions throughout are what has led us to the current predicament our protagonist find themselves in at the beginning of the story. Although many things have happened throughout the course of the series, we see Jon and Dany confronted with the mistakes of the immediate and not so immediate ancestors. Dany facing the slave trade promulgated by the Valyrians and Jon facing the consequences of the exiling of the Free Folk to beyond the Wall. Both of these characters not only have to fix the past mistakes and by doing this they are forgiving a new path, a third way if you will.

In the case of Star Wars, it all started with the doomed love of Anakin and Padme. Their love, described as possessive, lead to Anakin’s downfall and the emergence of Darth Vader and all the chaos it brought to the galaxy. Luke was able to help his father redeem himself, however, the darkness still remained and now Anakin’s grandson KRB has inherited that legacy. His return to the light will finally heal the wound his grandfather created. And who best to help Ben redeem himself than his counterpart within the force Rey.

Mirrored Couples

One additional element to the generational saga piece is how both Jonerys and Reylo mirror couples an important couple that was integral to the beginning of the story. In the case of ASoIaF, I’ve often said that Rhaegar and Lyanna’s union brought war, while Jon and Dany’s will end the war.

In the case of Star Wars, the love Anakin had for Padme was possessive and the fear of losing her drove him to the dark side of the force. The compassionate love that Rey offers to Ben will turn him from the dark to the light, also ending the war between the First Order and the Rebels.

Yin and Yang

This is an obvious visual similarity between these two pairings. In ASoIaF the most overt example of this is the coloring of Jon and Dany’s animal familiars. Drogon’s black to Ghost’s white with just the slightest hint of red. Through the TV series, we see this visual yin yang represented by the filters used in filming to characterize Jon and Dany’s story. In Jon’s case, we see the more muted blues and Dany the bright oranges. This is representative of the Ice/Fire or Yin Yang of the story.

With KRB and Rey, the yin-yang symbolism is much more obvious, because the Force itself is defined as Light and Dark. We see this with whites and black playing against each other’s in most of their scenes together. In addition, you see the reds and blues of their chosen Force also used in contrasts with each other. There is a specific scene in The Last Jedi where Kylo goes from cold blues to the warm reds of Rey’s fire during one of their Force Bond sessions.

Social Status

This similarity is particularly interesting for me as it’s so typical of the fairy tale genre. While the truth of Jon’s parentage has been revealed to the audience the characters themselves (except for Bran and Sam) are completely ignorant to it. As far as the in-universe narrative is concerned we have a Queen who is decedent from generation after generation of kings and queens and falls in love with a bastard. Even as a bastard Jon is of noble heritage, however, the stigma of being a bastard has followed him throughout his life, but Dany never even mentions it nor does she bring it up to him. The perceived difference in their social status is not important to her or him.

While on the other hand, we have the dark prince of a Star Wars Ben Solo falling for a scavenger, whose parents were nobodies. There is a clear divide in their social standing. However, unlike Dany who just didn’t feel the need to address it, Ben Solo, and his severely lacking social skills, reared their ugly head. While reminding her she’s a nobody, he then very suavely adds, but not to him. Jokes aside, I do believe Ben thinks of Rey as someone whose special, and in the novelization of TFA we learn that Ben has compassion for Rey and is punished for it by Snoke.

So, while these couples are perceived by the outside world to be from two vastly different social status while the pairs themselves have or eventually will see past that.

Equals

Okay, I literally just talked about the differences in their social status and now I’m calling them equals. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. To the outside world, there’s a firm difference in their place in society, however, for the couples themselves they perceive their counterparts as their equal.

Dany and Jon see in each other someone who understands the burdens of ruling, of leadership, of personal sacrifice for the good of their people. They see someone who can understand the burdens they carry because they themselves has carried it. In each other, they see their equal, something they have yet to have encountered.

For Rey and KRB is much more clearly stated because they are literally the Force counterparts to one another. Their skills and power come from the same well and one is just as powerful as the other. In fact, the scavenger Rey bested the elite trained KRB twice. She is his equal and he knows it, and that is something he admires in her.

The Greater Good

The books aren’t there yet, however, on the TV show we see Dang giving up her pursuits if the throne to go fight in the Great War against the Wight Walker. I think it’s important to note that Jon didn’t make the decision for her. He presented his case, poorly, but with the help of Tyrion and some super convenient and crazy events, Dany was able to see what really mattered.

This hasn’t happened yet in Star Wars but I believe that story is headed in the direction of having KRB turn his back on inter-galactic domination and help the Resistance to end the war

Rey presents KRB with the opportunity to turn toward the light but he’s not ready to take it. He’ll have to figure that out on his own and come to the decision on his own. But because Rey has shown him the way he knows there is a chance.

Loneliness

This is an important element for both these couples. Even though they are all special in their own way, for one reason or another all have felt isolated from their family and society. There is a deep loneliness for all of them which began in their childhood.

In Jon and Dany’s case, it’s loneliness but also isolation. For Jon, his status as a bastard kept him a step apart even from his family. Even those who loved him couldn’t change the fact that as a bastard he was viewed differently than them. For Dany, it’s her exile to a country where she has no connections except for her brother. As well as her poverty while still having the social status of a princess. She could never fit in and her lack of resources meant that she was unable to put down roots.

In the case, KRB and Rey is the lack of connection with others. KRB couldn’t connect with his father because Han couldn’t relate to Ben’s connection to the force. And while Leia could relate with Ben in that regard her work as a Senator and General kept her away. We all know that his connection to Luke ended disastrously and whatever connection to Snoke he has been one of control and abuse. For Rey, she was abandoned and left to the care of uncaring strangers. She has no connection to anyone when we meet her. She forms attachments quickly because of her deep loneliness.

Their Bonds

The loneliness they all feel, the sense of not belonging anywhere is the foundation for the bond that Jon & Dany and Ben & Rey form with one another.

Jon and Dany seek belonging and acceptance. They have felt so isolated for so long that they just want to feel that they have found a place or someone they can belong to, that they can be themselves with. They find that in each other because of their shared experiences as leaders but also because of their upbringing. Their journey, as I have written many times, parallel one another and this creates a unique bond between the two of them.

In the case of KRB and Rey, the deep loneliness they both feel is literally bridged by their Force Bond. We are being shown how connected they truly are when their shared Force allows them to see one another from across the galaxy. In fact, the connection is so strong that they are able to touch one another, even though they are millions of miles away from one another. In each other, they see someone who is in need of connection but not just any connection, a connection based on compassion. Regardless of their circumstances, they have compassion for one another and the pain they see in each other.

The Gray Zone

One of the most notable things about ASoIaF is the complexity of its characters and the different shades of gray among them. Our heroes, while fighting for a common good, have engaged in acts that are deemed controversial. They make mistakes and are far from perfect. However, at the end of the day, they are heroes, just grayer than usual.

For Star Wars the dichotomy between KRB and Rey is much starker. Rey is a hero; she chose the light side of the force and she does the right thing and fights for the common good. KRB is a villain, he’s chosen the dark side of the force and is fighting for his own ambition. However, I believe the story is making its way towards a creating a gray flawed hero in KRB. His actions will eventually help the war and redeem him.

There are other themes and similarities I see in between these characters but many of them are found in your standard protagonist on their path through the Hero’s Journey. But I think enough similarities exist between these two couples that it’s notable and interesting to discuss and understand better.

#jnrysrlo #daenerys targaryen x jon snow #ben solo x rey #asoiad x star wars #jonerys x reylo #similarities and parallels #my meta

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Game of Thrones: George R.R. Martin Admits He Should Have Stayed Ahead with the Books

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Winter has come and gone for hit HBO series Game of Thrones, but—in a dilemma unique to the dynamic of adaptations—the literary source material on which it was based, George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire novels, famously remains incomplete. The situation, now a decade old from the release of the 2011 fifth book, A Dance with Dragons, has become a meme-inspiring legend, centered on what is now the most-publicized case of writer’s block in contemporary literary history. Yet, while Martin has spent the past decade teasing sixth book The Winds of Winter, he now finally concedes the unideal nature of the rollout.

Martin is expressing regret about his unfinished novels, which are now overshadowed by the television run of Game of Thrones, which aired its final episode on HBO back on May 19, 2019. At the cost of franchise uniformity, the decade-long delay left the show to work without the safety net of published source material since 2016’s Season 6, and sporadic elements not yet covered in the books had already been introduced in preceding seasons. Indeed, Martin managed to lose his grip on the bestselling literary mythology, which would come to be defined in the eyes of the public by the controversial climax of the television series. The situation has essentially defanged the proverbial direwolf of Martin’s two unpublished novels; a notion that he seems to affirm in an interview with WTTW Chicago.

“Looking back, I wish I’d stayed ahead of the books,” laments the author. “My biggest issue was when they began that series, I had four books already in print, and the fifth one came out just as the series was starting in 2011. I had a five-book head start, and these are gigantic books, as you know. I never thought they would catch up with me, but they did. They caught up with me and passed me.”

HBO

By the time the HBO series surpassed Martin’s novel content of A Game of Thrones (1996), A Clash of Kings (1999), A Storm of Swords (2000), A Feast for Crows (2005) and A Dance with Dragons (2011), it was only left to work off a generalized early outline of planned plot developments that Martin provided to showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss; a change that many fans believe led to a slow-but-steady decline in story quality, leading to the controversially rushed series climax of the abbreviated Season 8. While, in an ideal scenario, Martin’s inspiration for The Winds of Winter would remain untainted by how the show ultimately unfolded and the audience’s reaction, that can’t possibly be the case. He’s only human, and the book’s decade-long gestation has likely been frustratingly reshaped numerous times, which would explain the seemingly interminable delay. However, said delay will serendipitously give Martin the chance to redeem, in literary form, a television ending widely considered controversial.

“That made it a little strange because now the show was ahead of me and the show was going in somewhat different directions,” explains Martin. “So, I’m still working on the book, but you’ll see my ending when that comes out.” Indeed, while the question of why the climax of Game of Thrones was so unsatisfying to a significant portion of the fandom could probably fill a book as long as A Song of Ice and Fire entry, Martin chooses his words carefully when he intriguingly hypes “my ending,” which should resonate with fans who were left dejected by the way the series unfolded, even two years after the fact.

Thus, Martin’s now-famous inertia on the novels could yield a satisfying course correction, albeit tangentially, based on the large scope—of two prospectively 1,000+ page novels—it will enjoy. After all, the decision—purportedly by showrunners Benioff and Weiss—to reduce the number of episodes for Game of Thrones’ final season to a scant six created crippling pacing issues, resulting in the rushed nature of the finale. In the very least, those storylines needed to play out across the typical ten episodes the series regularly released through Season 6, which was the point of the aforementioned source material drought. The quick conclusion arguably did a disservice to the major characters, most notably Emilia Clarke’s Daenerys Targaryen, whose arc had gone from being bartered into bridal slavery by her own royal brother into becoming an enlightened ruler in the East, poised to take her accrued army of Dothraki and Unsullied back to Westeros for a justice-motivated invasion and restoration of her family’s usurped throne. Of course, that all rapidly came to a visually-stunning, but anti-climactic end across the few final episodes, which turned her from a dragon-riding populist hero and defender of the realm into a lovelorn, megalomaniacal, genocidal pyromaniac. If Martin’s ending plays out similarly in that regard, we can at least hope the turn occurs more organically.

Books

Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire: Will the Books Have a Different Ending Than the TV Show?

By Juliette Harrisson

Emilia Clarke Admits Disappointment in Game of Thrones Ending

By Joseph Baxter

While the process of being excited by Martin’s auspicious-sounding updates on The Winds of Winter has become a perfunctory exercise in goal-post-moving for fans, there is actually something to be excited about on the book front—really, there is! His last major update, from this past February, revealed that pandemic-era extended home time allowed him to write “hundreds and hundreds of pages” of the book. Considering that he has posted sporadic completed chapters of the book on his “Not a Blog” (which is totally a blog) website over the years, he is likely close to finishing the book. However, even after that monumental event finally unfolds, the process will simply start over again when Martin commences writing the literary conclusion, A Dream of Spring. It will therefore be interesting to see if said dream ever commences. He’ll first have to pry himself away from other projects such a co-creator position on developing fantasy video game Elden Ring.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

In the meantime, Game of Thrones fans will have no shortage of content on the television side of things, with the 300-year-rewind prequel series, House of the Dragon, currently in production and on track for a 2022 premiere. That series will eventually be complemented by yet-to-be-titled spinoff projects set across various eras of Westeros history such as Dunk and Egg, The Sea Snake, Dornish princess Nymeria and a series set in King’s Landing slum Flea Bottom.

The post Game of Thrones: George R.R. Martin Admits He Should Have Stayed Ahead with the Books appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3vVTrBn

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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onestowatch · 7 years ago

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Q&A: Jones Channels Energy From The World Into Series of EPs

Seneca the Younger said that travel and a change of place impart new vigor to the mind. Being able to connect with unfamiliar environments allows us all to connect with an extraordinary energy. It can give you a fresh perspective, new ideas, and a resurgence of passion for the things that make you happy. Said energy has been partly responsible for a year’s worth of releases from British singer/songwriter Jones. The London-based R&B songbird has opted to release her music this year driven by feeling and movement as opposed to a trivial albeit traditional release rollout. She is dropping three EPs this year named after three cities she loves - London, New York, and Paris.

London, the first of three EP being released this year, arrived in April. Serving as the genesis of the rollout, London sets the tone for a new era of Jones. Since the release of her debut project New Skin in 2016, Jones has discovered more of herself musically and personally and you can feel it emoted in the new music. I caught up with Jones after the recent release of the New York EP to discuss her unique rollout, why she’s drawn to artists like Sufjan Stevens, learning how to move with feeling, how her acoustic songs serve as personal diary entries, and more. Read the full interview below.

Ones To Watch: I read in an interview that you recently became a big fan of Sufjan Stevens - What do you like about him as an artist?

Jones: Yes this is true! I first discovered him when I was looking at the list of Oscar Nominees for Best Soundtrack and then ended up watching 'Call Me By Your Name' where it's featured, and wow I just listened to him on solid repeat for days. And then stopped myself so that I wouldn't completely murder all of his songs in such a short amount of time, which was difficult. I think his sound was just completely refreshing when I heard it and had a sort of magic that captured me in those moments.

Do you feel like you’re drawn to other artists who are honest and personal in their music?

Completely - I veer away from (whoops) a lot of general Pop music (not all...) as it can feel over-thought and calculated, formulaic. Honesty is always going to be captivating when someone just says something totally real and makes themselves vulnerable like that, it's hard not to fall under their spell a little.

You dealt with severe stage anxiety as a child and overcame it. What are some other challenges you’ve had to overcome in your career since?

Yes, I did - I remember almost quitting the idea of pursuing music when I was younger as though I'd never get to the place I'm at now where I feel at ease while performing. As an artist and songwriter, there are never any rules or guidelines as to what you're doing, every decision and creative movement is based on a feeling...which can be pretty scary sometimes. Less so the more that you do it. I've been learning to trust more and more in myself and my instincts.

New Skin is now about 2 years old - Looking back, what did you learn about the person you were when you recorded and released that project? How have you grown since it came out?

When I look back, what I mostly feel is the pain I was feeling at the time. It may not be super obvious to anyone listening, but to me, it's there and that's what I hear. It feels nice to be through that and to feel a little older and wiser (but not too much of course). Also, I was so unsure of everything, myself, my life - I feel like I've found some direction and balance which is great. With every little step you take forward I think you end up being more and more sure of what feels right and where you're going, at least that's how I feel artistically. Musically, I liked so many different things and so many options can be overwhelming, so through trial and error I feel like I know who I am both personally and musically now a lot better - but like everything in life, I'm sure that is going to change and evolve.

You’ve decided to release your music this year in three separate waves. Can you tell me the concept behind the London - New York - Paris projects?

I wanted to get more music out this year instead of following a conventional release schedule. Together with my label, 37 Adventures, we decided to do it this way, and it felt right. I felt excited by the idea of lots of movement. One of the most frustrating things as an artist is writing so many songs and then waiting for what feels like an ice-age to share them. I think that everything is moving so fast these days, more and more people are putting out a song a month that this felt like the most exciting thing to do. London, New York and Paris each have a special place in my life for different reasons so it felt right to name them after these cities. I love traveling so it was exciting to me that I'd launch them all in their respective cities.

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What kind of energy do you get from each of these places?

London is deeply familiar, with deep emotional ties, all of my history and the beginnings of me. I once heard someone say that New York City was like their mistress, and I would agree! It holds so much excitement, magic, and fun for me that it does feel a bit like my mistress, whereas London would be my spouse...and Paris is mystical and elusive with its own kind of cold stardust. They're such key and iconic cities in mass-Western culture I guess I felt like I identified with them before I ever even spent any time there (NYC/Paris), and then when I did, I formed my own bonds with them.

Are the songs on each city’s EP tied to specific memories in that place?

Some of the songs are directly related yes - like "Silver Screen" and "If You're Gonna Love Somebody" are from specific memories of NYC and most of my songs have been written in London so that connection is present in most of my songs. For Paris, which is not out yet, there's a song called "Move To France."

Why did you decide to only have one fully produced song and three acoustic songs?

There are a few reasons, partly because I love these two sides to what I do - the full bigger sound and the super organic and raw acoustic recordings. Partly because it just takes so much time to get full productions sounding perfect and with the release schedule we wanted to do, acoustic recordings made that slightly easier. Also, I like the fact that the acoustic recordings feel a bit like my diaries.

What did you set out to achieve by releasing your music this way and do you think you’ve achieved it so far?

As an artist you just want to get your music out there and for people to hear it. Hopefully, connect with it. I wanted to do that in a more frequent way than I had before and I feel like so far, so good! The third EP is out in October, and I imagine I will reflect on it all then once it's complete. Right now, I'm still in the middle of it and watching things grow.

Dance music is big in the UK - With “Something Bout Our Love” and your recent features with Claptone and Pat Lok, can we look forward to more dance music from you in the future?

Yes, I like so many different types of music, and I think what's great about now is that you don't have to be just one thing - you can get to try on different hats a little and collaborations are a really fun way of doing that. All of those songs happened organically, and I wrote and co-wrote them all so they all feel like me.

youtube

Who are your Ones To Watch?

I am guilty of being very caught up in my own musical bubble so I haven't got any tips here! I recently started listening to Miles Davis back catalog (which is maybe the opposite of Ones To Watch!)

What does success in 2018 look like to you?

Touring around the world, making mass-connections and continuing to spread my music far and wide.

The Paris EP is set to release in October so make sure to check back for more from Jones in the near future. Stream the full New York EP below.

#Jones #Interview #Soul #London #New York #Q&A

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tidustargaryen · 5 years ago

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Blood of the Dragon

What if different decisions completely changed the course of history... The Song of Ice and Fire...

The last two Targaryens are in exile in Essos, their security is constantly threatened, Robert Baratheon wants them dead and the Dothraki want Daenerys.

They can count on the help of a great friend to prepare the forces necessary to reconquer Westeros.

But the journey will be long and they will have to travel all over Essos to find the help they need. The courage and passion of the young Daenerys will allow her to rediscover what her House lost a long time ago. A great destiny awaits her and Westeros doesn't know how much it needs her.

The notes have changed, but the song is still playing.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22291069/chapters/53236438 On Ao3 too.

Hello to all the brave who want to embark on this long story! This is the first fanfiction that I write so I don't guarantee the quality of writing but I hope you will like it.

The end of GoT, and particularly Daenerys' ending, pushed me strongly to write this, but also because I have not yet found on this site, or elsewhere, a story centered on Daenerys. Of course there are stories that focus on her, but especially on her relationship with Jon and often the story focuses more on him. But Dany has her own independent story, she is her own character, and I regret that there are no stories that focus on her only (I have never read stories where she is tagged with Jorah or Drogo maybe it is). And since, after season 8, I absolutely no longer want to consider a romance with her murderer, I no longer read fanfics.... So if you know non-Jonerys/non-Drogo stories, and especially which focuses on Dany, I am interested :D

I essentially want to focus on Daenerys, her history is very rich, Essos is a great continent is a gold mine for a writer, the universe of George R.R. Martin is huge but often only exploited on Westeros. I remain persuaded that Dany deserves her own books and I hope that my story will inspire other people to write a little more about Daenerys, of her story in Essos, not just in Westeros. I don't intend to rewrite George's story, I don't see the point of it, it's his story, he does it better than anyone, if some people had done different actions, the story could change completely, but I will try to stay consistent, because realism is very important so that we can believe it (Do you know that D&D ??)

English is not my mother tongue, there may be mistakes and I am sorry. Fortunately I have @iwillstandbydaenerysforever who helps me, advises me and above all, corrects all my mistakes! A big thank you to you my friend, this story probably wouldn't be posted without you :)

There is Dany/Jon tag but by prevention for anti-Jonerys people, the tag is there for a reason and completely justified and add for the sake of consistency when the two characters will meet, but I want to clarify that there will be no Dany/Jon. Same thing for Viserys/Daenerys. So if you're only interested in these couples, it won't happen, and if you don't like these couples, don't worry, you can keep reading, but the tags are there for a reason. You have been warned.

If you have questions about the story (No spoilers), if you didn't understand something, or if you have ideas to submit to me (I don't guarantee that I will add them) or if you find errors , don't hesitate, if you want to talk to me directly or ask me questions. Be aware, however, that I never respond to insults and anything I find disrespectful.

These notes have been quite long, I hope you like the story :) (I had planned another header but I didn't have time to finish it, for the moment I make a moodboard but I will change it as soon as possible.

Disclaimers: I don't own anything, A Song of Ice and Fire is the property of George R.R. Martin, as well as all the characters, places, etc... Game of Thrones is the property of HBO.

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Stormborn

The masterly wind that blew on the naval fleet, as well as on the fishing and trading boats capsized the latter and made every sailor, merchant or simple peasant busy on the ships or on the quays deaf. An icy rain fell on the island and its surroundings, waves sometimes higher than the ships crashed on the rocks and swallowed everything that had the misfortune of being at sea. A few boats had not managed to return in time and were now drifting not far from the island, for the luckiest ones, for the others they had already reached the depths of the sea. The men on these boats watched with sadness, desolation, but also fear as one ship after another disappeared, waiting for their turn, they watched helplessly as a whole naval fleet disappeared. However, they heard more than they could see, except when lightning struck a ship and set it ablaze like a torch, they had no visibility. Instead, they heard the thunder, the deafening sound of the wind, but also the rain and sometimes the terrifying cries of men and women burning alive or simply screaming in fear as they waited for their gods to come and claim them.

Between the sailors who were trying to save their ships, putting out fires or trying to empty the water flooding the deck, and those who had given up hope of survival, the soldiers did their best to save as many people as possible by allowing them to take shelter behind the fortress walls. But the raging elements had left little chance for the living, and of the hundreds of people in the harbor and on the ships, only twelve had survived, the sailors and soldiers on the boats had either perished with them or tried to swim to shore, but none had managed to survive in the face of the overwhelming force of the sea.

The few refugees behind the walls of the fortress were mostly in shock, some were in tears, or praying for all the people they had just lost while wondering why the gods had been so cruel. Soldiers and servants would come and lay blankets to dry and warm themselves, but also hot food to cheer them up. The room was filled with screaming and crying, but even so, you could still hear the storm raging outside, the ground was shaking, same for the walls, and some soldiers even claimed that wind, rain and lightning had caused a breach in one of the exterior walls.

A man hurried through the corridors of the dungeon, jumping with fear every time lightning struck somewhere. And although it was daylight outside, the darkness of the place, added to the one the storm had brought made the maze of corridors and stairs more difficult to navigate, only the torches and lightning brought some light into such gloomy places and the roar of the storm did not improve the young man’s mind, but what was most disturbing was the dragon sculptures that adorned the place and lazed around so real and alive. Although he was used to the dungeon and its sinister decoration, what he had just seen added to the weather conditions had made him very nervous and what he was about to announce was not going to be very easy for the masters of the place to hear.

He finally reached the bridge leading directly to the central dungeon called “The Stone Drum” then climbed the few steps that separated him from his destination. The place was even more frightening than the rest of the dungeon because of the strong resonance and the height of the place allowing the power of the wind to increase tenfold. But what worried the servant even more were the cries coming from the Queen’s chambers. The sweet and sad Queen Rhaella was about to give birth to her child, but it seemed that the birth was rather difficult and Her Majesty seemed to want to compete with the storm in its greatest intensity. Dragonstone wasn’t Storm’s End, but the rock from which the fortress was carved was exceptionally strong, there was no doubt in Trevas’s mind that the place would still be standing once the storm calmed down. But would it be the same for its inhabitants?

Ser Willem Darry guarded the door to the Queen’s chambers, he did not seem at all affected by the events outside, which was not the case for the few guards also present in the room, anxiety could be read on their faces and the Queen’s cries and screams did not help. “Do you have any news for us? What’s the situation outside?” Ser Willem stepped forward and showed the first signs of concern.

The servant nodded to greet the knight and replied, “I have bad news. The storm has sunk almost the entire naval fleet, as well as the merchant and fishing boats that were at the docks. At the time of my departure, three ships were still afloat, but badly damaged. I still have no report for the city, but the majority of the people on the docks and on the ships did not survive.” Ser Willem approached a window and looked out pensively. He couldn’t see the harbor from this vantage point, but he could see the power and anger of the gods coming down on Dragonstone.

At that moment, the Queen uttered a sharper, more heart-rending cry than before and a childish voice resounded. “Ser Willem… Mother …?” Young Prince Viserys had just entered the room with a servant and the knight knelt and tried to comfort him about his mother’s plight, which didn’t seem very encouraging. “My prince, the Queen is strong, she’s giving birth to a new dragon’s blood as we speak. Another Prince, or a Princess, a brother to play with and a training companion, or a little sister to protect. A newcomer to the Targaryen dynasty, it’s a great day, and the gods want this to be known, they’re making enough noise to alert the entire kingdom and let it be heard that the dragon blood is stronger than ever so that the Usurper understands he has unleashed his wrath.” The Queen’s cries had now ceased and a maid came out of the room to say a few words to Ser Willem, whose gaze fell at once. He invited young Viserys to follow him, and they both entered the room. No storm could have rivaled the horror they now had before their eyes, blood was abundant on the bed, the Queen’s face covered with tears looked as if it had taken many years in a few hours, she seemed to be having great difficulty breathing while a maid dabbed her forehead with a towel. The room smelled of death, and the Queen was apparently going to join the gods soon. But in the midst of all this chaos, the cries of a child came to brighten the hearts, the Maester brought the child close to the Prince who looked at his mother with sadness, a few tears running down his chubby child cheeks.

“It’s a girl, a Targaryen Princess.” The Maester offered the Prince to carry the child , but he quickly made his way to the Queen, without concern for the decorum. He hesitantly put his hand on his mother’s one, believing that any sudden gesture might hurt her further. The tenderness in Queen Rhaella’s eyes broke the boy’s weak resistance, and he burst into tears. Her voice resounded one last time, with difficulty, but with hope and pride.

“… Daenerys… Stormborn … of House Targaryen…”

Her gaze then turned to Ser Willem, placing all her hopes on the knight to protect and take care of the last two Targaryens, he nodded while holding back his tears, silently promising what he had already sworn to do a few hours earlier when the Queen was telling him her vows if something went wrong. The woman had endured unspeakable suffering during her life, she had lost so many children, had suffered so much abuse from her husband and yet, the most unbearable and heartbreaking thing for her was not being able to be there to care for and see her children grow up. The Targaryen dynasty was collapsing and she was not going to be able to be there to protect them. Aerys had taken everything from her, if his children were threatened when they were just innocent people, he was responsible. He was the one who had unleashed the wrath of the lords, he was the one who had not taken care to secure his family, he was the one who was responsible for the fall of their House. She could only hope for two things now, that the gods would be merciful and allow her last two children to live, they had already taken of all the others, and that Aerys II Targaryen would reach the seven hells so that she would never have to see him again even in death.

The Queen drew her last breath with a smile on her face after looking at each of her children. And the little Prince’s heart was shattered.

Thus, in the early morning, after the storm had calmed down and the necessary repairs had been made so that a boat could sail safely, the last two members of the House of Targaryen set sail for Essos, in order to ensure their safety until their maturity. The Prince, still affected by the death of his mother, had refused to approach his little sister, but had made a promise in his heart that one day they would return home, and take back what belonged to them with Fire and Blood.

Exile

The few maids of Mistress Ilissa Naeraar had hurried to the door of the Princess’s apartments to hear her sweet voice, which they said was similar to the songs of the colorful birds of the Summer Islands. They were always careful to be as discreet as possible, the Princess did not like to demonstrate her talents, but they always ended up being reprimanded by their Mistress or the Prince for their laziness and the noise of the admonitions always alerted the young girl. They had, until now, managed to remain discreet, but were dying to enter the room to be blessed by the sight of the young Valyrian beauty. The Princess was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen, despite her young age, and given their past as pleasure slaves, they had seen many women more beautiful than any other, but none surpassed the Princess. With her long hair of gold and silver, her eyes typical of her Valyrian roots, the color of the most beautiful jewels called amethysts, her natural and royal grace, they were never tired of admiring her and regretted not descending from the lineage of the Old Valyria.

The apartments of the Princess were worthy of the greatest nobles of Essos, a striking contrast when she thought back to her life before, here she had her own baths, a magnificent four-poster bed centered in the middle of the room, occupying half of the space, a table for her meals and another for her writing and reading practice. Another room where she stored the various dresses offered by her hostess, and random men seeking her favors, or her hand in marriage. The third and last room was the latrine. The main room was sumptuously decorated with statues representing the dragons of the lords who had conquered the Possessions of Valyria, as well as various animals inhabiting the continent, horses, monkeys, elephants, made of gold, bronze, and even obsidian. She had even been offered several fabrics embroidered with the three-headed dragon, emble of the Targaryen House that the Princess had hung on the walls, sometimes dreaming of being in the family dungeon, imagining her family always present, and the Targaryen dynasty stronger and larger than ever.

The young woman was standing by a window, her eyes lost in the waters of the Rhoyne, then on the many merchant ships, the sailors pouring into the port to unload their goods and dreamed of being among them, traveling through the seas and oceans, discovering the world and its various beauties and cultures. Sailing was exciting, but what she wanted above all was to cross the Narrow Sea and land in Westeros, to return home, to discover the legacy left by her family, which was stolen from her by the Usurper and his dogs and traitors who massacred her family. Life was pleasant here, it had been six moons since Mistress Ilissa had welcomed them in her big house, it was a very big place composed of several independent residences, including the large manse of Ilissa, their own private place, of her and her brother’s, as well as a big inn also containing a brothel. Life was pleasant, but the threat of a Dothraki attack was constant, and Mistress Ilissa had repeatedly paid the different Khals so that they would not attack her domain, with gold, slaves, precious objects or fabrics, anything the horse lords desired as long as they did not ransack the place.

Of all that she remembered, it was only in Braavos that she really experienced peace, happiness and carefree. Of course, she was still only a child, very young and did not have the same worries as her brother in mind. She could play with the son of one of the servants, study with her brother and listen to Ser Willem singing songs to her, including the one she was singing right now, which she particularly liked, as it described their lives in part and a possible return home. “I’ve been a wild rover for many’s the year… And I’ve spent all my money on wine and beer… And now I’m returning with gold in great store, I never will play the wild rover no more…” She could still hear the voice of her gentle knight, the affection he had for her, the tenderness he showed her, much more than her own brother. Her few sweet years forever etched in her memory, the red door and the smell of lemon that she loved and that dark-skinned little boy who always helped her up when she fell and kissed the place where she had hurt herself.

“And it’s no, nay, never No, nay, never no more Will I play the wild rover No, never no more

I went into an alehouse I used to…” “Daenerys!”

Her brother entered her apartments suddenly, revealing the three maids who were still glued to her door, hurrying back to their occupations before being reprimanded. Viserys approached his sister and put his hand on her forearm, his gaze falling to the ground as if he was looking for the perfect way to tell her something. Her brother was a very handsome man, he had been blessed by the beauty of the Valyrian people just as she had, according to Ser Willem, he looked a lot like their late brother, Rhaegar, the only consolation she had in knowing the appearance of the silbing she had never known. He took her hands in his and placed a tender kiss on one of them.

“Sweet sister… Dany, I’m afraid I have to tell you that we may have to flee this town. There’s a Khalasar headed straight for us.” Run away, again… When was the last time they had the peace of mind to stay in one place and keep what few friends they had? Although his brother was much more resistant to the idea, preferring to believe that his status, even in exile, forced him to demand friends of a higher rank. She did not have the same pride and could befriend and show great kindness to the lowest of men or women.

“Pack your things, I’ll arrange everything with our hostess.” Daenerys nodded and then stopped his brother before he left the room after kissing her forehead. “Brother, where will we go this time?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll find a place, haven’t I done it all these years? Why do I feel like this is a reproach, dear sister? Is it my fault that we are in exile? What they have done to us is unjust, and I will see that injustice punished. We are of royal blood, we are the blood of the Old Valyria, the blood of the dragon and they exterminated ours, they forced us to beg, to wander in rags, no forgiveness will be granted, we will take revenge dear sister.”

Daenerys took a few steps back, away from her brother who had come towards her in anger. She knew she was safe, she and her dear friend had made sure of that long ago, but her brother tended to be a little too self-centered, and he had to learn wisdom if he wanted to become a great king.

“Injustice… It’s true, it’s unfair, and the murderers of our niece and nephew, but also of Elia, they will pay for it, and for everything that happened afterwards, but look around us, brother… Just yesterday I saw a child … younger than I was when we were kicked out of our house in Braavos, feeding on insects on the ground, drinking from a puddle of mud half dried out by the sun and the heat, I’m not even sure it was water. We are always privileged, but these people outside, they are starving, they are working themselves to death so that they can buy a little food and the little clothes they have on them. We have beautiful fabrics, we eat our fill, we know what it is like to live on the streets, but we don’t live like that anymore. “The Princess stopped for a moment to get closer to her brother and put a hand on his cheek before she added tenderly:

“I could be one of those women, in a brothel to survive and you too … you could have been sold into slavery in a fighting arena, you could be dead by now … and so could I. We’re always luckier than other people don’t forget that, brother.”

After dropping a tender kiss on his cheek, Daenerys walked away to the room where she prepared to gather her clothes for their possible future departure. Servants, sent by her brother, were already there and had preceded her. Daenerys smiled at the girls and told them that she could take care of her possessions, freeing them from an extra burden. She sat down on a trunk and lost herself in her thoughts for a few moments, playing with the ring that her knight had given her long ago and which had belonged to her mother, the only possession she had of her, this ring and the crown that her brother had. Ser Willem often spoke to her about her mother, he also told her that she looked a lot like her, that she was as sweet and kind, smiling and welcoming, that she often sang during the time she carried Daenerys in her womb and that she liked to be alone with her future Princess and to caress her hump while telling her stories about dragons and their family. Of course, she was too young for her knight to tell her about the darker parts of her mother’s life, and the suffering and violence she had endured during her marriage, but she had finally found out from someone else, and that day was the first day she had promised herself that she would never let a man do that to her. Knowing her future husband, she knew that promise would be kept.

The town square was teeming with people as usual, the market stalls were very crowded, you could find objects, food and fabrics from all over Essos, the Summer Islands, Westeros and a whole host of other less well-known places. In the middle of the square stood, proudly, the white marble statue of the Triarch Horonno, which could have been magnificent if only it had not been decapitated a long time ago by a rival faction. Most people spoke a derivative of the High Valyrian, but not only that, a whole host of foreign peoples and customs were accepted and respected in Selhorys, formerly one of the Possessions of Valyria, and which had managed to remain standing while other nearby towns were now in ruins during the conflict between the Rhoynars and the Dragon Lords. Essos was like a canvas painted in every possible color, depicting all peoples, all religions and all pleasures of the flesh, and this pleased the young Princess who was thirsty for knowledge and had spent a lot of time immersed in books, especially those from Westeros, where she could learn more about her home, things she had not learned from her brother or other people. Of course there were the dark sides of such diversification, slavery to begin with, in front of “The Painted Turtle” inn where most of the women, but also men, were pleasure slaves and tried by all means to lure passers-by inside in order to extract a few coins from them in exchange of sexual favors. Daenerys was no stranger to the practice, from a very young age she had seen everything there was to see about carnal relations between two or more people, most of the time in the middle of the street where people had no discomfort or desire for intimacy. But slaves occupied many other professions, fishermen, litter bearers, servants in inns or manses with the nobles, workers in the fields, hunters, all the difficult jobs were, of course, given to slaves.

The darkest thing, however, were the sacrifices she had been unlucky enough to witness, always in the name of some god or other, whether they were animals, simple precious objects or one or more people, she had never been spared from the atrocities of which her species was capable and her powerlessness to stop such things weighed only more heavily on her conscience. So many things had remained a mystery to her, but not an impossibility, after all, her ancestors had tamed and mounted dragons, they had made a steel so powerful that it could split normal armor in half, but this knowledge was now lost, even though some claim that in Qohor the blacksmiths are among the best and secretly keep the recipe for this unique steel.

She was now in front of the forges, accompanied by her brother, both hooded in a discreet outfit to avoid attracting attention. Even though their hair was not unique here, many people were lucky enough to possess the gold and silver hair of the Valyrians thanks to the crossbreeding practiced during their empire, the color of their eyes was much rarer, and they also had to wear very modest clothes to avoid curious looks, the poor or slaves attracted little attention and were more often considered as “part of the decor.” As they had no tattoos on their faces, indicating what kind of slave they were, they could only pretend to be poor, foreign merchants or artists, as Daenerys could easily pretend to be a singer, Viserys could only boast of being a good story counter.

Her brother had wanted to go to the markets to buy resources in case they were forced to flee the city quickly, but it was to the inn that he now went, claiming to want to quench his thirst, but Daenerys knew better, his brother was a man, a man with needs and a young woman in that inn had caught his attention, he certainly wanted to say goodbye to her.

The sought-after hostel was a little set back from the center of the city, you had to take several narrow streets to get there, it was the cheapest and most discreet place and the markets had attracted the majority of the population, the place was almost deserted except for a few children playing chase after chase, at times trying to steal the purses of poor people too naive to still believe in the innocence of the youngest. His brother had stepped up the pace, but Daenerys felt they were being watched, on every street corner they could come across thieves or worse, murderers or slavers. Her hand grabbed his brother’s to warn him, but he collapsed to the ground as Daenerys tried to free herself from her attacker’s grasp. It was then the look in Viserys’s eyes that told her that they were in no danger, at the same time a soft, familiar and comforting voice echoed in her ear:

“I could have been anyone and you’d both be dead by now … you’re reckless.”

Once released, the Princess turned around and was warmly greeted by the sight of her closest friend.

“Oberyn!” She threw herself into his arms and held him tightly to make up for the years that had separated them.

Somewhere, at a certain time

The city of Myr was one of the richest trading cities founded by the Valyrians and one of the nine Free Cities of Essos. This town had built its wealth on trade and its excellent merchants, thousands of them came every day to do business in this city, textiles and glass were unique and very expensive resources in this town, but also very desired. The population was also large and it became difficult to move through the streets without being jostled or blocked by a group of people attracted by a stall. This served the young Targaryens well as they could move more easily among the people thanks to their small frame and relieve some of the passers of their burdens. It was always Viserys who took care of the thefts, but the young girl was so adorable that sometimes people would give her a few coins when they saw her frail nature.

It had been three years since they had been forced to flee from Braavos and were surviving as best as they could, hunger and cold being their greatest difficulties with the fear that one day they would be recognized and put to death on the orders of the Usurper. The Prince had lost any royal attitude he might have had one day and was easily confused with the other inhabitants of the streets who were also begging for survival, his sister had never known royalty, she only had the memories that her brother had told her. It was hard for her to understand him, what he had known and lost, when all she had known was fear, poverty, cold, and hunger… That was the worst of it all, being hungry, smelling the food all over the streets, the smoke from the meat, the smell of bread … seeing people constantly eating and having only leftovers lying on the ground, or any kind of crawling animals they could catch. Once her brother had tried to fish, but without equipment all he managed to do was that the fish ran away and several fishermen threatened to cook him with their stews if they came back without food because of him. Dany burst out laughing when she saw her brother’s face, of course, at her young age, she didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation. In anger, Viserys had pulled her by the arm and carried her back to the place where they slept on the ground but out of sight. He had then spent the day looking out at the sea, repeating that he would return home one day and take revenge for the affronts he had suffered.

The last Targaryens were both sitting on a rock not far from the water, they had been lucky that day, the purse that Viserys had stolen contained enough coins for them to make a decent meal and they had been able to buy for each of them a piece of bread, lamprey pie and some spiced wine which Daenerys had spit out as soon as she found the taste foul. Her grimace, however, had worked a miracle, her brother had smiled at her. He hadn’t laughed, just smiled, something he hadn’t done since Braavos, and even there he smiled very rarely. “Dany look over there, in that direction, it’s Dorne and its burning sands. And there, it’s the Stormlands, they belong to the Usurper and his House, their dungeon is called “Storm’s End“ and it is known to withstand any storm. But believe me dear sister, one day it won’t be the storm that comes down on them, but the dragons, and their dungeon won’t stand up to it, I told you what happened to Harrenhal, didn’t I?” The young Princess nodded and said “But the dragons are gone…”

“They have existed, they will exist again, we are dragons, the last, we are not simple mortals, our heritage is great, and our duty even greater, our House will rise from its ashes and our dynasty will be even greater than in the time of Aegon the Conqueror or Valyria. Of this I am sure, and on that day our enemies will regret their betrayal.”

Daenerys understood what “enemies” were, she knew what death was, she had discovered it in spite of herself when Ser Willem had left this world, when her brother told her that their father, the King, had been betrayed and killed like a dog, and that because of their enemies they had to leave quickly to Dragonstone and that their mother had not been given the care necessary for her birth. Even the soldiers protecting the dungeon had wanted to sell them to the Usurper to save their lives and it was only thanks to Ser Willem and a few faithful servants that they were able to escape. But many things were still very complicated for her, so she listened to her brother without saying anything, dreaming of being able to eat her fill, of having a bit of warmth at night and above all, secretly wishing that her mother was there to take her in her arms. She would never have told Viserys, he had already told her several times that it was her fault that their mother had died, but how could she be responsible? She was just a baby… She didn’t understand, but kept quiet so that her brother would stop being angry with her.

“Look over there, that’s our ancestral dungeon, Dragonstone, and over there,” he waved to her, moving his finger a few inches. “That’s King’s Landing, home, our stolen home, one day we will go home sister.”

Dany wanted her home, she wanted her mother, her family, food and a warm bed, Dany wanted many things that a child should always have, but at this moment she would have liked more than anything that her brother took her in his arms, she then hugged very tightly the piece of stuffed cloth with the effigy of a dog she had found in the street, it was all dirty and smelled of death, but it was also her only source of comfort in these difficult times.

Viserys had wanted to eat at an inn because of the meager coins he had stolen today, the place didn’t please his little sister too much, the men were rude and smelled like horse shit, the women always came to their table and sat on her brother’s lap while whispering things in his ear and looking at Dany with a vicious look. Daenerys was a bit jealous, she had been enjoying going on her brother’s lap while he told her stories about their house, but lately he was getting more and more angry with her and didn’t want to carry her anymore, he said that she wasn’t a child anymore and that the dragon wasn’t weak, but these women were much older and he seemed very happy that they were on him. Viserys got up and asked her to wait for him for a few moments without moving, he spoke for a few moments with another woman who looked at the girl. She kept looking while Viserys disappeared into another room.

Dany was a little scared to be alone, even though she suspected that her brother had asked this lady to keep an eye on her, anyone could force her outside and take her away from Viserys forever. Just when she wanted to get up to join her brother, or even to go to the woman who was always watching her, a man sat down in front of her. He had tanned skin, a mustache and smiled kindly at the girl. Dany looked down and wanted to run away when he spoke.

“You’re a pretty little girl, you almost look like a princess. There are princesses in my house too, wouldn’t you like to meet them? They could lend you their dresses and toys?” Daenerys smiled shyly and saw her frightened brother trying to hide something in a bag before approaching.

“Leave her alone.” Viserys approached and took his sister’s hand in his to leave, but the man stood up, his gaze threatening towards the Prince.

“Your brother is very rude, you know.” He stood behind Daenerys and put his hands on her shoulders. “How do you know he’s my brother?” The man then bent down and whispered in his ear, “I know many things, little dragon…” One look from him assured Viserys that he’d better follow him. The man took the Princess’s hand and gently led her upstairs into what seemed to be the room he had rented for his stay. The place was quite small, a simple space to sleep, or do other things, it was a brothel after all, the noises coming through the walls bear witness to this. There was a jug of wine on a small table in the corner of the room, and the man served a glass to the Prince, who hesitated before drinking, then seemed delighted, and the man spoke again.

“Dornish wine, the best…” Viserys took a sip and then replied with a smile, “Pale imitation of the Arbor Gold but it is good indeed… You are certainly Westerosi, Dornish? Anyway, I don't know who you're confusing us with, but you’re mistaken, we’re from Lys, she’s my little sister and I ran away with her so she wouldn’t become a pleasure slave.” When Viserys turned around, he saw his sister rummaging through his bag and pulling out their mother’s crown, which he had refused to sell until now, the only memory he had of her apart from the ring his sister had, but the difficulty of feeding herself was increasing day by day, people were becoming more and more suspicious of children for stealing their purses and yesterday he had seen a man catch one of them trying to steal him, he had not seen what happened to the child afterwards, but he was sure that the punishment had to be consequent. He had climbed up a large rock surrounded by water to hide the most precious object they had, which he was desperate to sell.

“Viserys, what is it doing in your bag?” His brother panicked for a moment in front of the stranger, but he didn’t seem surprised at all. He walked up to Daenerys and stroked the object with one finger.

“She was beautiful your mother, I still remember her royal posture, a real queen, not like your father.” The Prince pulled the crown away from the stranger and drew Daenerys behind him as the child began to ask about their mother. “Who are you?! If you want to do the Usurper’s dirty work, you’ll regret it, you talk to the true King!” Viserys always carried a dagger with him, he was never very good with a sword, and the weapon would have been too flashy, expensive and heavy to carry, a dagger was much more inconspicuous and the only weapon they had to defend themselves. He tried to stab the man with it, but he dodged and knocked the young Prince to the ground. Daenerys began to cry when she saw her brother on the floor, but the man calmed her down immediately.

“I won’t hurt you, little princess, or your brother, but I can’t let him kill me, can I? If you two will calm down, I can tell you why I’m here.” The man took some more wine and served it to the Prince and then sat down on his bed wanting the Princess to come next to him, but Viserys kept his sister close, the stranger’s face lost all smile.

“We do no harm to the children in Dorne … we are neither Lannister nor Baratheon… But we, too, are sure to pay our debts, and our fury is worth far more than that of the Stag… We are patient, we love justice and vengeance, but we can wait to strike better and harder. The time for two children to grow up. ” The man stood up and talk again, emphasizing each of the names he spoke in his beautiful Dornish voice. “Justice for Rhaenys Targaryen, justice for Aegon Targaryen and justice for Elia Martell…” Seriousness had replaced his light and friendly attitude, his words more furious than the snakes that inhabited his lands.

“My name is Oberyn Martell, and I want only two things from you. Fire and Blood.”

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Thank you for reading. I prefer not to give a date for the publication of the second chapter, but I will do it as quickly as possible.

I wanted to write Dany's song myself but I like this one :) The song is called "The Wild Rover" interpreted by The Dubliners (Viva Ireland and its songs!) But I like the version of a french group : Wild Rover - Naheulband if you want to listen to it, the intro is long though. All the images used in this chapter were open access.

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