#what the challah m I doing here

[soobasaur]

buzzfeed said i like-like you..

— a lee felix x au

(half felix pov half y/n pov)

lee felix x gender!neutral reader genre: best friends to lovers

a/n: this is mainly in felix’s pov since i thought it would fit better, the next felix au will be in y/n’s pov (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ and if you have any requests just ask away and i’ll try my best <3

« masterlist

felix was currently very calm!! c a l m!!

certainly not panicking, nope not him!

it started when he flopped onto his bed in defeat after giving up on his art history essay

he could only analyze medieval paintings for so long >:((

so he ended up clicking on his folder of bookmarks and scrolling for the buzzfeed quiz one

dont judge him it was very relaxing !!

he did a couple weird ones like ‘what type of bread are you?’ (he was a challah bread apparently?!) and ‘what is your horror movie death scene?’ (he was going to be murdered!!)

he started clicking on the recommended ones until he landed on the romance section

he usually ignored these since they were typically very boring but just for the sake of it he chose one titled ‘are you in love with your best friend?

he scoffed as he let the quiz load and his mind wandered off to you

you and felix had met in grade school due to the both of you being the new kids and immediately being stuck together since no other kids wanted anything to do with you

and every since then you had been glued to the hip

he loved you sure, but being in love with you? he didn’t think he was.. he wouldn’t be opposed to it though

‘do you think your best friend is beautiful?’

obviously!! felix thought, choosing said option, how could he not? u were the most ethereal person he had ever been blessed to see, other then himself of course

‘when you get into arguments, are you reluctant to apologize and end it quickly or wait for them to apologize first?’

felix had to think about this one

you both didn’t rlly fight, it was usually over stupid things like the both of you needing to take care of yourselves more and such

but felix found himself apologizing more since he knew you were too stubborn to make the first move even if you wanted to

and whenever he did apologize you always broke down and did the same

he chose ‘i apologize first to get it over with’

‘do you often cuddle and kiss your best friend?’

doesnt everyone? felix thought, hovering his cursor over ‘duh!’

he often gave you cheek kisses and pulled you into hugs whenever he saw you, even if you were always shy and flustered afterwards

he thought it was cute to see you like that

and you often fell asleep in his bed during movie nights and the both of you woke up tangled into one another

now that he thought about it he didn’t really kiss his other best friends, he shuddered at the thought

‘would you get jealous if someone else were to kiss your best friend?’

felix frowned at the mere thought of someone else kissing you

only he could give you cheek kisses goddamnit !!

he wouldn’t be mad if jisung got kisses from someone else though, he’d be happy his friend had found a partner

but if you found a partner...he didn’t know how to feel about that

it would fall between wanting you to be happy and he should be making you happy

he quickly filled out the question and moved on, that was too much for him

the rest of the questions were things like ‘do you know their favorite color?’ ‘do you have their birthday memorized?’ (yes to both!)

he clicked done and waited for his old laptop to boot up the results

oh...O H

WTF ?/$:&:@;

felix squinted at screen once more before pulling up a google tab

he went through multiple wikihow articles before just shutting down his laptop and taking his head into his hands

did he have a crush on you??? weren’t crushes supposed to give you butterflies and shit?

well...he did get butterflies whenever you complimented him,,,

oh shit he did have a crush on you

he dove headfirst into his pillow and kicked his legs before sitting up, coming to a conclusion

he couldn’t just hold this vital piece of information to himself!!

and that’s how felix found himself in front of your dorm building, freezing in nothing but basketball shorts and a hoodie he was pretty sure he stole from you

felix came barreling towards you, picking you up in a hug despite his tiny size

once he finally stopped spinning you and set you down was when you have him a confused look

“your welcome over whenever but why the sudden visit at 3am?” you ask, leading felix towards your dorm room

“fun news!! i realized i’m in love with you, thanks to a buzzfeed quiz!” he answered, doing jazz hands as you locked the dorm door behind you

“you’re...what now?” questioning if you heard right, ignoring your heart beat thumping loudly against your chest

“yeah like, i’m in love with you and realized it just now so i came here to tell you and-,”

/!&:@:@;@;@@, you were malfunctioning

how was?? felix so?? casual?? about this??

u had known you were in love with him since like /forever/ aND THIS MF JUST REALIZED A MINUTE AGO??

and you told him so, stalking towards him and reaching him in just two strides, shaking his shoulders

“what took you so long oh my god-,”

“wait does this mean you feel the same? cus if not it’s cool we can be homies ahah-,”

you did the cliche thing where you shut him up with a kiss

it made him go ∴◠‿◠∴

“we are not homies-,”

“we’re homies with benefits!”

*deep sigh*

from then on your relationship didn’t change that much

you were just best friends who know kissed one another and made out

bonus: headcanons

felix took on a new routine of coming over to your place at the ass crack of dawn

it drove you mad but you never slept anyways so you always opened the door

which was why felix came over in the first place!! to seduce you into a healthy sleeping schedule ;)

“y/n you would look so good tucked into your covers, all warm and cuddly as i hug you close-,”

“are you really trying to seduce me into sleeping right now??”

“...well is it working?” felix winked

“...maybe.”

(side note felix’s morning voice was to die for so if staying up late got felix to come over then that was another excuse for you to not sleep)

and since he was a dance major you always bought him bouquets and gifts after every single showcase

one time you got him a bunch of red roses and when you guys went back to his place he stuck one in his mouth and pulled you into a slow dance

it didn’t last very long though cus a thorn was left on the stem and caught his lip and you ended up having to help stop the bleeding

he still gave you a smile throughout it all though

“you look so creepy smiling with a mouthful of blood-,”

which made him smile even bigger

college with your best friend was fun but was even more fun with your boyfriend

the two of you often went on double dates with your friends jeongin and jisung, who recently got together, and had a blast going to parties

felix was a clingy drunk

if you thought he was clingy before just you wait

he would latch onto your arm like a koala and let you drag him around

and he would back hug you as you walked around

it was endearing though so you always let him get away with it

but if felix got too much to drink all hell broke loose

you still have flashbacks to that one time he started stripping on the pool table

you got a nice sight of his abs but so did everyone else !!

felix was willing to do anything with you and vice versa

if you even had the smallest inconvenience he was there to help

like that one time your coffee wouldn’t come out of the vending machine he karate kicked it until it did, and dragging you to run away when he spotted a hall monitor walking towards you

all in all he made you happy

it was perfect :’)

thank you for reading !!

[phoebe-delia]

For the 8 nights prompts: I had this very emotional image of draco performing the shabbat blessings, particularly hadlakat neirot. eyes covered, brighest thing in the room, brightest thing in harry's heart. i don't know if you're still talking prompts for it but it's a lovely thing to think about anyway!

Hello dear nonnie, and Shabbat Shalom! Chag Sameach, as well, for Hanukkah. I have a lot of Feelings about the way Judaism factors into Drarry's life and relationship. Given Draco's background and character, I like to imagine/write about him learning about Judaism from Harry (and Hermione), so that's what I'll be doing here. I hope you enjoy!

"Harrryyy when's dinner?" Teddy whined, his chin resting on his chin, elbows on the table."

Harry chuckled. "Soon, Teds. Why don't you go fetch Draco and you two can get the candles and challah?"

Teddy perked up. "Okay!" He hopped down from the chair and ran out of the kitchen, his joyful shouts of "Dracoooo dinnerrrr" echoing after him.

Harry shook his head fondly as he checked on the chicken, pulling it from the oven. While he plated their food onto three plates, he heard Teddy chatting away and two sets of footsteps entering the room behind him. Draco made the occasional quiet commentary but mostly let Teddy ramble on as he wished.

Harry turned, two plates in hand, to see Draco carefully sticking the candles into their holders. The other man's eyes were fixed on his task until Harry set the plates down in front of their proper chairs, and then kind gray eyes met his.

Harry grinned, setting Teddy's plate in front of his chair just as the child slid into his seat, setting a loaf of challah onto the table next to him.

Teddy picked up his fork, and Harry tsked softly. "Teds, we have to say the blessings first." The boy set it back down onto his napkin with a small sigh. Harry chuckled and pat his head.

He picked up the box of matches. "Okay, let's say the blessings over the candles. Draco? Would you do the honors?"

Draco blinked. "M-me?"

Harry grinned, amused. "Do you see another Draco here?" He shared a small glance and a wink with Teddy when he giggled.

Draco flushed. "I just—I don't know all the words."

Harry let his initial argument die on his tongue as his mind filled with the memory of catching Draco sitting on the bed in their shared room earlier this week, prayer book open on his lap, stumbling through the words of hadlakat neirot. Instead, he shrugged. "You've seen Teds and me say it for a few weeks now. We'll help you if you get stuck."

Draco stared at Harry a moment and then glanced down at Teddy, who looked up at him with bright, hopeful eyes. He let out a shaky exhale and nodded, taking the box of matches from Harry's hand.

Harry wandlessly dimmed the lights as Draco carefully but intentionally moved the match across the striking surface, flinching very slightly when the match head ignited into a small flame. He carefully touched it to the wick of each candle, murmuring just loudly enough for Harry and Teddy to hear:

"Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kidshanu b-b'mi—" Draco stopped a moment, stuttering over the words. He Vanished the burnt match and stared at the candles, frowning in concentration.

"B’mitzvotav vitzivanu..." Harry said lowly, giving Draco a small, encouraging smile.

Draco's eyes met Harry's, his face illuminated by the flickering candles. "L’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah," Draco said softly, not breaking eye contact.

"Amen!" Teddy said cheerfully. "Challah time!" He reached for the closed bag of bread and opened it.

Harry accepted a slice from Teddy and saw Draco do the same, a slight blushing tinge to his cheeks visible even in the soft glow of the candles. As Teddy began an off-key rendition of the hamotzi, Harry reached over and wrapped his arm around Draco's waist, pressing a kiss to his temple. Draco rested his head on Harry's shoulder, and they watched the flames dance and flicker in time with their heartbeats.

Read on AO3!

[whump-in-progress]

Lilac & Kuma, Pt 4

CW: Pet mindset, panic attack

_______________________________________________________

"Mistress Kuma! Mistress Kuma! Wake up!"

Lilac was beginning to worry. A cursory glance at Mistress Kuma's alarm clock when she'd woken up showed the time 6:00. Exactly when Master had taught her to get up, when to make his breakfast, clean his bathroom, take out his trash, all of that.

But now, it was 11:29, and Mistress Kuma still wasn't up yet. Lilac knew that shaking the bed or removing the covers would be grounds for punishment, so she stood there, whisper-yelling for her Mistress to get up and tell her what to do.

"Mistress!"

"Bwhat? What's- oh, good morning, Lilac! How'd you sleep?"

"I... I slept fine, mistress."

"Kuma."

"I slept fine, Kuma." Her Mistress' plain name still felt foreign on her tongue. She braced herself, waiting for the glass on the bedside table to be thrown her way.

"Good job! I know you have trouble with that, but I promise, I don't need a fancy title. We're friends now, and friends call each other by their names. Right?"

Friends? I'm your pet!

"R- right."

"Alright, good. Now, sorry I slept in so late. You conked out the minute your head hit the pillow, but I stay up 'til, like, 2am on weekends. Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

"You? You make m- me breakfast?" The surprise shot through Lilac like lightning. I'm a pet! Stop treating me like I'm human. Please.

"Yeah, I love cooking, and you're all skin and bones. I could probably bench you!" Mistress Kuma laughed, pushing aside her covers and leaping out of the bed. The muscles in her back flexed under her sports bra as she stretched, and Lilac could see how strong she was. She flinched, an embarrasing motion that thankfully didn't catch Mistress Kuma's eye. "C'mon. Have you ever tried challah french toast?"

"N-no, mis- Kuma."

"Well then, you're in for a treat!"

She grabbed a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt and put them on, before grabbing Lilac's hand and bringing her down the hall.

Lilac tumbled on her sore knee, and fell into Mistress Kuma's arms.

"Woah, sorry, I forgot about the knee. Are you okay? Do you want me to get a wrap for it?"

Stop it! Stop it! Stop doing things for me! I'm your pet, I'm supposed to wait on you, I don't deserve this, please-

"Y-yes, please."

Mistress Kuma dashed into her parents' room, and came out holding a knee brace. "Sit on that box for me?"

Finally, an order. Wait...

Mistress Kuma knelt down, and wrapped the brace around Lilac's knee for her. She looked up at Lilac with only support and love in her eyes.

NO! NO! NO! THIS IS WRONG! YOU'RE THE MISTRESS, GET OFF OF YOUR KNEES, I'M SUPPOSED TO SERVE YOU! Lilac's inner monologue raged, and yet, she maintained perfect surface-level composure, just as she'd been trained to do.

The knee brace was too big for Lilac's skinny leg. Mistress Kuma wrapped it so tightly that the velcro patches only just barely connected at the base, and left enough overlap for the wrap to have wierd wings behind her knee.

Mistress Kuma stood. "There we go, good as new!" She extended her arm towards Lilac, an invitation to use her as a support. It was an order, thinly disguised, but an order still. Lilac couldn't refuse.

But she was done accepting help. She took Mistress' hand and was pulled up, but then disjoined, very shakily, and balanced on her good leg. The brace was still too loose om her knee to be of any real use. She smiled. Mistress Kuma smiled too, warm and encouraging.

Lilac made her way slowly down the stairs, limping and gripping the hand rail like her life depended on it. When she reached the bottom, her knuckles were pale from exertion. I can do it, Mistress, you don't have to help me.

Mistress Kuma's steps, heavy and fast now that they were unencumbered, thundered down the stairs after her. She stopped in front of Lilac and reached her hand out again. Lilac took it, reluctantly.

Please, stop helping me. Please. You own me. I'm meant to serve you. Please.

Mistress Kuma led Lilac to the dining room and sat her down on a bench at the table, before swiftly moving to take thick slices of soft bread, and set them aside.

She was pampering her.

No.

No.

No. She couldn't allow this. She was a fucking pet. She only existed to serve. "Mistress, can I help you make the custard, please?"

"Oh, uh, sure, if you really want to. Have you ever done it before?"

Oh, thank fuck. She was finally allowed to serve.

She got up on her bad knee and immediately crashed to the ground, facefirst. "Owww."

"Lilac, are you okay?" Mistress Kuma rushed over, and sat Lilac back up on the floor. Her nose throbbed. She didn't respond.

"Uh- okay, well, you just take it easy, I'll make you some breakfast and get you an ice pack."

No, how could there be more, stop it, it's not right-

"Mistress, I have to serve you, please let me make the custard."

"It's fine, Lilac, really. You just relax."

It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine-

IT'S NOT FINE.

Every muscle, every tendon, every joint in Lilac's body locked. She screwed her eyes shut, and balled her fingers into fists, pushed them over her ears, and held her breath, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine-

Mistress Kuma didn't even notice, she was so lost in her cooking. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine-

This isn't what Master taught her. Master taught her to serve. If she couldn't serve, she was nothing. Her only purpose in her insignificant little life was to be of use. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine-

Her lungs burned with the air she was holding, her cheeks ached from being puffed, she rocked herself back and forth, what kind of punishments is Mistress Kuma going to unleash in exchange for her kindness, I deserve something bad, she'll use those huge muscles and slam something down on my head, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, IT'S FINE-

"Lilac? Lilac, can you hear me?"

A sturdy hand on Lilac's wrist brought her back to the present, gently guiding it back down to her lap.

Puff.

Lilac gulped and gasped for air as everything in her lungs retreated all at once, a stampede that left her trampled. Ears ringing, heart pounding, vision swimming. The world was a jumbled wreck.

"Oh, okay, okay, just breathe, it's okay, it's okay, just take deep breaths, you're okay."

Stop saying that. Just... stop.

She picked Lilac up, ever-so softly, and placed her on the bench while she regained her bearings. A gasp went down the wrong pipe, and sent her into a rough coughing fit. Mistress Kuma gently patted her back as it passed. Her throat was on fire.

"Are you okay, Lilac?"

"Y-yes, Mistress. I'm okay."

"My name is Kuma."

She flinched. "No, I can't, you're..."

"Woah, woah, it's okay. Is this... is this all because I asked you to stop calling me Mistress?"

Lilac nodded.

"Oh, Lilac, I'm so sorry, I had no idea it meant that much to you. You can call me whatever you like, I'll still be here for you."

"Really, M-M-Mistress?

"Really. And listen, you don't need to bottle anything up here. This is a safe space. You can always tell me how you feel, and what you think, and I'll respect it, alright?"

No. I can't. I think bad thoughts. You'll have to punish me.

"O-okay."

Mistress Kuma outstretched her arms. "Hug it out?"

Lilac nodded again, and fell into Mistress Kuma's embrace. She drew her hands up and down Lilac's back, slowly. All of her muscles unclenched.

Mistress Kuma's french toast that morning was the best Lilac had ever tasted.

_______________________________________________________

Taglist: @newbornwhumperfly @winedark-whump @whumpzone

[stretchjournalemerson]

We Are, We Aren't

By Connor Gibson

02:51 PM

Dirty piles of slush litter the ground of the Public Garden. The ice on the pond is melting in the sun. Kids scoop up the last traces of snow, melted and hardened and melted into chunks of ice, to throw at each other. The Garden is full of people, tourists and natives alike taking advantage of the 42-degree weather— which, for a Boston February, is “warm”. I’m bundled in my wool coat and hat; others’ Patriots tees show under unzipped hoodies. The blindingly white neck of my Tatte shirt peeks out above my scarf. As always, I’m running early, but I speed-walk anyway.

Google tells me that Back Bay, the neighborhood home to the Tatte where I work, is one of the wealthiest places in the Boston area. It tells me that the bay on which the neighborhood sits was drained in the 1800s, uncovering foul-smelling fens and swamps. Developers poured cement on top of it and chopped it up into rectangles. There’s something there, some cute metaphor comparing designer stores atop a concrete-covered swamp to glossing over the issue of gentrification in favor of a new Sweetgreen.

I’ll write about that later, I think. I exit the Garden at Newbury and Arlington and cross the street. A high-cheekboned model, face blown up to the size of my entire body, peers down at me from the Burberry store window. Her eyelashes are lowered seductively under her huge sunglasses. Excuse me, I hear in my head. A posh British accent. Excuse me, why are you looking at me? I look away.

Letters barrage me as I turn onto Boylston. MK MK MK MK on clutches and purses. Chanel on a storefront. HOMELESS VETERAN PLEASE HELP GOD BLESS, scrawled on torn cardboard with a marker.

I walk into Tatte and take off my coat. VIBE CHECKER blares at me from the temperature gun, neon pink Sharpie on white.

Sarah, the mid manager, points the VIBE CHECKER at my forehead.

How’s my vibe? I ask.

She chuckles. Fine. Symptoms?

All of ‘em, at once.

Go grab an apron and we can talk about the new dinner menu. Her sweatshirt says BREAKFAST SANDWICH. I know that our BREAKFAST SANDWICH sweatshirts retail for $35. I wonder which Michael Kors clutch goes best with a BREAKFAST SANDWICH sweatshirt.

I step into Tatte Connor with his pristine white shirt and bandana and sickly sweet voice— a voice both Connor and not Connor, a voice that is mine and isn’t. Tatte Connor doesn’t create witty metaphors about systemic problems, he fires off meaningless platitudes: I like your outfit, cold out there, isn’t it? I know, I don’t know how I don’t eat them all. He grabs an apron, clocks in, and listens intently as Sarah explains chraimeh sauce.

03:14 PM

I’m at the register today, standing in one place for over five hours. It means hi, welcome in! to everyone who enters. It means my voice will stay in its customer service pitch for long after I leave, and when I walk around a person at Target while picking up yogurt that night, I will automatically announce BEHIND! and scare the shit out of them.

A woman walks in, several shopping bags swinging from her arms. Hi, welcome in! She nods acknowledgement. She wants a medium latte, almond milk and vanilla. We only have a small and a large. She asks to see the large. She’s fine with a large.

I take her phone number. All right! Will that be all for you? And would you like to leave a tip today?

She would not. She announces this so happily that I’m forced to match her tone. All right! I hope it sounds authentic. She takes her card.

I do NOT need a receipt, she proclaims, and walks out the door, bags bumping against the doorframe. The bags are massive, stiff, and glossy. They look expensive, down to the heavy serif font. My stained apron feels incredibly out of place. I wonder if it would be stupid to go get a new apron.

Caleb, the barista, waves his hand. He’s made my drink— it’s on the bar. I nod and ring up three more people before I get enough of a break to go grab it. He’s written my name on the cup and drawn little hearts for the O’s. My heart swells. I take half a sip, and then someone else walks in the door. Hi, welcome in!

03:32 PM

It’s a full-on late-lunch rush. The morning shift has just left, and the crowd hits us in the middle of a change. I’ve been moved off register and over to expo, where I’m doing three people’s jobs at once. Picking up? Todd? Would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes? Hi, Doordash? Do you need a menu? Take care! Thank you so much. Hi, welcome in!

A couple enters. They wear matching black puffy jackets with faux fur hoods and matching black sunglasses, similar in size and shape to the glasses on the Burberry model. They don’t remove their hoods or their sunglasses when they step inside. Picking up? Favio? I hand them their drinks. They are not happy.

You should be more thoughtful of your customers, I am told. It’s cold outside, and you shouldn’t keep people waiting. You need to be thinking about that.

I’m so sorry, sir.

I am reprimanded.

You need to move faster,

I’m sorry, sir. We’re doing our best.

I am told that maybe, that is not good enough, eh? And Favio and his girlfriend leave.

Have a good one! Take care! I imagine labels on their backs, as bold and shiny as the ones on their jackets and sunglasses: ASSHOLES.

03:42 PM

I am back on the register. The late-lunch rush has died down. In eighteen minutes, dinner will open up, and we’ll get slammed again— but for now I get to rest. I stack pistachio croissants in a delicate, buttery pyramid, coating my gloves with green dust and oil. Once I’m pretty sure they won’t fall, I head back to the register to count my tips.

Most people tip, but off-handedly, trying not to sound eager or generous. Sure, throw a dollar on there— “there” being a $12 sandwich. I wonder what kind of life they lead where dollars are something they throw. I notice that those thrown dollars never fall into the HOMELESS VETERAN’s plastic cup.

05:08 PM

An older woman enters and beelines for the Grab-and-Go case. She wears a brightly patterned scarf over her hair and carries an enormous H&M bag, full to bursting. She swings the bag onto one shoulder and holds up a small container of chicken salad. How much is it?, she asks. Maybe six or seven dollars, I reply.

She is surprised that I don’t know the exact price. She asks, don’t you work here? She asks, again, how much it is.

Give me one minute to check. It is seven dollars.

She complains that nobody here ever knows anything. She explains to me that it’s just one item, and you should know how much it costs. She tells me, I asked a girl a similar question, just the other day, and she didn’t know either.

I’m sorry about that. Will that be all?

She doesn’t want anything else, and pays with cash. She counts what I give back to her. She drops the chicken salad in her H&M bag, and then she leaves.

Have a great day! In my mind, I replace the H&M on her bag with BOOMER.

I remind myself that I am not an idiot, and that I deal with a lot, all day, and that I am good at my job. I remind myself that I am a human who makes mistakes. I remind myself to smile.

Another woman walks into the store. Hi, welcome in!

06:26 PM

I’m back from break, during which I inhaled a breakfast sandwich and submitted two

discussion posts on my phone. Apparently we have only made $96 so far from the dinner menu. The store is dark. Half of the patio is empty, and the people walking by, bundled up in winter coats, lean against the wind.

I’m sent over to the pass to bag food while my coworker Ayad takes his break. The dinner items come with a side salad and a little bag of pistachio cranberry cookies. Between orders, I stuff napkins into sandwich bags and draw hearts with a Sharpie on the cookie bags. I think of the people receiving them, in brownstones around Boston, living alone, living with girlfriends, living with husbands, living with tiny yappy dogs.

A woman comes in. I walk over to the register. Her hair is dark, curly, and pulled back in a tight ponytail. She carries a WHOLE FOODS canvas bag. She reminds me of my mother. She’s been thinking about getting a challah all day, but now she’s not so sure about the challah versus the pain de mie, and do I have a suggestion for her?

I bake challah at home, I say, but our challah is delicious.

She asks excitedly what recipe I use— I use Smitten Kitchen’s fig and sea salt challah, without the figs. I can’t find another good recipe for just one challah. She uses the New York Times recipe, makes two and freezes one. Smart, I say.

She decides on the pain de mie. She asks how long I’ve been making challah.

When I was at home, I made it every Friday since the start of the pandemic. I wanted to do that here, but I live alone and I can’t eat that much bread.

She’s sure my friends would be glad to eat it, and I agree. I ring up the pain de mie and an orange juice, and she tucks them into her WHOLE FOODS bag. Happy baking, she tells me, and leaves, pulling her hood up to block the wind.

08:32 PM

The close went quickly. Caleb, Ayad, and I walk out the door. Our manager stays behind, counting money, shutting everything down for the night. Lights flick off one by one. The wind bites my skin and whips my hair off my forehead. I button up my coat. Caleb and Ayad walk down the steps of the Arlington stop, waving goodbye, and I start the cold walk home.

Google tells me that the drought of the summer of 2016 brought many Back Bay buildings dangerously close to rotting and crumbling. Their foundations sit on man-made land, supported by wooden pilings. The drought brought the water table close to the pilings, putting them at risk for decay.

There’s something there, something about how the tiniest bit of stress can expose the problems lurking below a neighborhood so put-together and pristine on the surface. I’ll write about that later, I think.

It’s hard to put how I feel right now into words. I feel homesick. I feel happy. I feel tired. I want to collapse onto my sofa and pass out. I want to eat way too much cheesecake. I want to feel, just for a few minutes, like the people I welcome into Tatte.

I want to roll out dough on the dining room table, showing my mother how much it’s risen when she walks through the door with a WHOLE FOODS canvas bag full of groceries. I want to keep talking about bread. I want to work at a job where everyone who comes in asks me about recipes; where nobody plops their Chanel bags on the counter, knocking dinner menus left and right while digging in their MK MK MK clutch for their platinum VISA; where Favio and his girlfriend realize that the people bringing them their soy macchiatos are people; where older women understand that I have to remember three thousand things a day and sometimes none of those things are the price of chicken salad. I want to thank the New York Times Challah Lady for making my day a little less shit and reminding me why I even.

I could work at Starbucks, or Caffe Nero, or JAHO Coffee Roaster & Wine Bar. Sometimes, when people take their masks off inside to snap pictures of them biting into donuts for their Instagrams, I think about working at Target.

Then I bring home a whole cake, or I get handed a free iced latte with my name written on the top and little hearts drawn around it, or I talk about Boston winters with a customer excited to learn I’ve also moved from the Bay Area. I strike up a conversation with a man waiting for the restroom— he wants to know about the history of Tatte in Boston, and I tell him what I can.

I pet a very small dog. I hand the last almond croissant to a woman who tells me she is overjoyed that we have one left. She tells me that she stops by after work every day to try and buy an almond croissant. More often than not, we’re sold out.

I’m happy I could get you one today, I say, and I mean it.

I want to think that Back Bay is this woman— Almond Croissant Woman— or the New York Times Challah Lady. At times I think Back Bay is Favio and his girlfriend, MK MK MK clutches, $7 chicken salads, the Burberry model’s poster-sized glare. I want to think these things, but I know that Back Bay is none of them.

I know that Tatte Back Bay is just a coffee shop. I want to call it a microcosm of humanity, a shiny white petri dish for me to peer into. I want to claim that I know these people, that Favio and his girlfriend are selfish assholes, that the boomer really does value chicken salad over basic kindness and gratitude. I want to slap labels on them, thick-serif RICH KID, glossy embossed DADDY’S MONEY, CHALLAH LADY (GOOD PERSON?) in cursive scrawl. The truth is that I don’t know them, and I will never know them. Maybe Favio and his girlfriend were fighting that day. Maybe the boomer’s husband had just died. Maybe Challah Lady ran over a cat with her Subaru on the way home. Maybe maybe maybe.

Google tells me that Back Bay has a population of 16,427. The median age of those people is 35.3 years. Over nine thousand of them are white-collar workers. Their average household income is over $127k. Most of them are women. Most of them walk to work.

Google doesn’t tell me what challah recipe they use. It doesn’t tell me whether they feed the cookies that come with their cod in chraimeh sauce to their small, yappy dogs. It doesn’t tell me whether they notice the hearts I drew on their bags, or whether they smile before throwing those bags away.

We are what we say to customer service workers, and we aren’t. We are our jobs, our genders, our hobbies, our incomes, and we aren’t. We are the hi, welcome in and the thanks, take care and all the other facades we present to people, and we aren’t.

I walk up the steps of my apartment building, unlock and open the door, then close it behind me. Tatte Connor— the Connor I am and am not— stays out in the cold, perched on a wooden patio chair, shivering in his perfectly white work shirt: ready for me to step into him tomorrow.

Acknowledgements:

My inspiration for this essay came from working at Tatte and getting to know, through the lens of customer service, the people of Boston’s Back Bay neighborhood. As anybody who has ever worked in customer service will know, working with people is the best and worst part of the job. I’ve had some truly frustrating interactions, and I’ve also met some people that brightened up the rest of my day. When I’ve been on my feet for five hours, maintaining a customer service persona, and dealing with everything else that customer service entails, it’s easy to assign labels to people and make snap judgements about them based on a one-minute interaction.

My goal for this essay was to go deeper than that. The assignment that prompted this essay was to compose a profile, creating— in the words of my WR 121 E47 professor Stephen Shane— a “dominant impression that captures the complexity of your subject”. While I wanted to profile the people of Back Bay, I’m aware that I will never be able to understand their complexity through these tiny snapshots, and I tried to convey that struggle in this essay. I’d like to thank Prof. Shane for assigning this essay, and I’d like to thank the customers of Tatte Back Bay for their inspiration.

[mameleh-life]

Home is Where the Heart Is: Mama of a Girl

I have had an identity complex for as long as I can remember. I grew up going to Bais Yaakov which I loved and those were some of the best years of my life by far, I grew up listening to Yosseleh Rosenblatt and Yiddish radio in my Zeidys seforim store amongst kiddush cups, talieisim and mezuzah parchment [I knew how to check one and roll one up into the mezuzah my Uncle taught me how] and a constant dialogue of yiddish banter between my bubby Rochel Leah [my two grandmothers were the other loves of my life besides my babies] and her husband my Zeideh Naftoli. And then I also learned about television and cartoons and movies and music from well everywhere and my uncle Chaim even gave me his zune [yes this was pre-ipod days] full of music and a boombox and a ton of CDs and so yes I had an identity complex.

When we moved into the apartment on Grand street in the Lower East Side I distinctly remember that it was the first time I ever put my "design skills" to use and I repainted my mothers old furniture and I designed a whole desk set with my mother we cut everything out of felt and supplies that I bought from an art supplies store all the way downtown and I felt so cool and very official because I had a color coordinates supremely girly room even with a bean bag chair that I had seen in a JC penny catalogue and saved up for with babysitting money. That room was home that apartment was home. And what did I remember made it feel the most like home? My mothers artwork lining the walls. Her ceramic portraits of Jewish life, her paintings of pasukim all over and so when I moved into m yh apartment as a young married woman the first thing I set out to do was cover my walls in art my collages which were what to me made the house a home.

And my bubby passed away and she really was a love of my life my kindred spirit and I walked through her apartment and there on her walls was her essence the art she chose so meticulously, everything representing something about her that was her heart those paintings, the heart is what makes a house a home. And so the inverse statement is true we can be home anywhere we are as long as our heart is there. And however we feel whether we feel a bit mixed up in life or a bit lost if we have our whole heart here with us taking care of our children we the mamas can make any house a home.

It's such scary times and I had a very scary thing happen Friday which made me realize how fragile and short life really is it is so short and it is so fleeting and so now all I can do to calm myself is sit and make art with Layla and Tuli because I know it's made with our heart and it's making our house a home and a great book to teach about feeling safe anywhere is "Home" by Carson Ellis. Little things like Challah, childrens books, art projects all these things seem so small but in the eyes of a child they can be everlasting memories that make a child feel safe and secure in these crazy times.

I'm tired as is every other mama on this earth at this moment and by some miracle both babies are basically asleep and I plan on continuing to decorate Layla and my room tonight because if there is only one thing I can do to make this life a little more settled for her in this crazy world is to make this house a home.

[the-detectives-blogger]

I’m really...fucking upset, and I”m honestly not sure where to rant about this, so I’ll just rant about it here, and hope that somebody hears me, someone listens.

So I’m in a bunch of Facebook groups, mainly for the memes and the amusing tagging that goes on. I don’t participate except in a select few - and I mean a really select few, ones where I feel safe contributing at all. Mainly Jewish groups actually, with other Jewish women in them, talking about our lives, worries, politics, tips for making challah bread, prayers for each other. It’s really nice. <3 

The other groups, the meme groups, there’s a lot of bullies in there, I don’t mind having them for tagging purposes but I’ve been doxxed online before and it nearly killed me. I mean that literally, I fell into such a deep dark hole of...uber depression...didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t move, not for months. It was bad. It was really, really, really fucking bad. And I get triggered easily about it. Less easily now, thank God, baruch Hashem, it’s been a few years, but it’s not the type of thing you ever really forget. When the internet trolls rip out your heart and post it everywhere for all to see, with your face and your full name, calling you a cunt and a weeaboo and - it was bad. 

Anyway.

So I don’t participate in the bullying/memeing groups. But I’m on steroids this week, because I have chronic sciatica pain - the sciatica nerve is the one at the base of your spine, and for people like me for whom it’s pinched, it flares up and the pain is indescribable. A lot of the pain comes from inflammation and OTC meds weren’t cutting it so my very helpful doctor put me on steroids to kill the inflammation. Which is working, yay! But the steroids, being steroids, lol, are definitely also making me more aggressive than usual and more prone to snap, less patient. I’m doing my best with it but it’s steroids, they do what they do in my body, my brain.

All this brings us to last night. I was kind of out of my mind on the nightly steroid dose, browsing Facebook, and I come across a post. The group is a bisexuality-focused group, an identity I..identify with, lol. I have to paraphrase this since I didn’t grab screenshots, but as best I can remember it:

OP: Real talk. Can we talk about how WEIRD it is that some people are only attracted to ONE GENDER?! Like??? Look at Blake Lively. Look at Robert Downey Jr. Are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t fuck them both given the chance???  Poster 1: This is uh - this is kind of homophobic? Aren’t you erasing the identities and experiences of lesbians and gay men? They have to struggle hard to be accepted as well.  OP: Psh NO, are you serious rn?? Are you saying I’m heterophobic which doesn’t exist lmao???  Poster 1: No, I’m saying you’re being homophobic, like, gay men also exist and shouldn’t be forced to be into women if they’re not.  OP: Well if you’re offended, I’m sorry, but you’re choosing to feel that way. That’s on you. If you choose to see that in what I wrote, I can’t help that, if you’re offended. Me: Uh. Look, I don’t know if I want to get involved in the rest of the debate here but saying “I’m sorry if you’re offended” is an abuse tactic. You’re victim blaming Poster 1, saying that it’s on them if you hurt them...it’s not. It’s on you. Don’t victim blame people, that’s super not okay. OP: I didn’t say ‘I’m sorry if you’re offended’ I said ‘If you’re offended, I’m sorry’. Huge difference. Me: There is literally no difference.  OP: There is a massive difference. Admin flying in: Nobody’s victim blaming :[. [OP puts a ‘love’ react on this post because now they feel supported by authority...in their fucking victim blaming and abuse tactics.] OP: I just said people can be bisexual. Admin: Yeah I’m not going to prevent people talking about bisexuality in a bisexuality group. Me: This has nothing to do with the sexualities in question, it’s a question of how we’re talking to one another, treating one another, and of mental illness questions. You were victim blaming OP, and if you’re offended, that’s on you. :) OP: I wasn’t victim blaming tho. Admin: like this is a bisexual group and we’re here to talk about being bisexual  [OP+admin are at this point ‘loving’ each other’s fucking posts ove rand over and over again, supporting each other and growing FUCKING stronger, making me feel more and more alone and backed into a goddamn corner] Me: Okay. Whatever. I fucking give up. I’m not going to fight you, OP. You did a bad thing but if you don’t want to own it, that’s on you. You still have to treat people well regardless of their sexuality. have a good night. The fucking thread proceeded without me. I deleted my comments, super done and not wanting to be doxxed again, thinking, like, this is why I don’t fucking get involved, it never fucking works, standing up for the fucking little guy doesn’t work, standing up for people’s rights not to be FUCKING ABUSED doesn’t work, let alone her extremely clear homophobia, but The Admin Has Spoken so clearly I lose. If Authority is against you it’s hard to fucking win.

I messaged that admin just asked if she could take down the comments where my name is tagged; I deleted the ones I posted but I don’t want my name on this bullshit anymore.

Woke up this morning. Not only have I been booted and blocked from the fucking group, the admin wrote me back to say “I'm fine with editing it out of my comments, I'm not deleting everyones because they tagged you. I will let them know you are requesting and why.”

BITCH

THAT STILL

INVOLVES

MY FUCKING 

NAME

YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING BLOODY MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So not only am I now having a fucking triggered fucking panic attack BECAUSE OF FUCKING YOU, because you don’t care about mental illness or triggers or abuse or PTSD, just about your little meme group, I can’t do anything about it or see it, you’ve made me fucking powerless by banning me from the group YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST Of ALL, YES that girl was being fucking homophboic. Okay??? Saying “omg other sexualities are so weird” isn’t HEPLFUL, it isn’t KIND or COMPASSIONATE or UNDERSTANDING. Straight people and gay people and lesbians really! do! exist! and are only attracted to one gender. Bisexual people also really! do! exist! and are attracted to multiple genders. But nobody gets to say that the other sexualities are fucking ‘weird’ or unacceptable in any way.

SECONDLY, if you don’t keep in fucking mind the way you’re fucking speaking to people while you’re doing leftist shit, fuck you. Intersectionality says that we all exist as multiple identities all at once, we’re not just one thing or the other, o fucking kay? I am not merely bisexula, I’m also an abuse survivor, a PTSD sufferer, depression and anxiety and physical disability. For fuck’s sake. MY SEXUALITY IS NOT THE ONLY ASPECT OF MY IDENTITY THAT MATTERS. YOU COCK. 

And if you’re triggering me it’s the part of my identity that suddenly matters least, because you’re triggering the parts of me that will take over the others, so FUCK YOU, YOU ABSOLUITE WANKER ASSHOLE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCKYOUFUCK YOU FUC YOU FYCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

okay. I just...I just needed to fucking vent. Jesus bloody christ.

We cannot exist in leftist circles and spaces without keeping in mind how we speak to people, how we treat people. We cannot call ourselves leftists, liberal, if we trade in compassion for sexual identity. You do not get to check your humanity at the door when you pick up a bisexual pride flag. You do not get to leave your understanding behind. And I will call you on it forever, and ever, and ever, because I do not hold with hypocrites, or abusers, no matter what flag they fly. 

[garagetoilet89-blog]

more bits and bats

Today is the very last day of B2’s trip to Korea!  For the last week, B2 has been taking depositions in Seoul and we odd-numbered bowls have been fending for ourselves in a papa-less wilderness.  For me this has meant subsisting solely on the weird-but-maybe-balanced diet of roasted Brassicas (of which B2 is not fond), ramen, and gigantic M&M pancakes.  For B3, it has meant having to suffer through my far poorer renditions of daddy’s lullabies.  As much as I like M&M pancakes, it is difficult to tell which one of us is more excited that my husband is on his way to LAX right now.

That said, Luke is at an especially silly-sweet age right now, which made B2’s trip far easier for me than it had any right to be.  I think we have literally said that every age is the best age (except maybe for the two weeks when he was sprouting his molars and was less than thrilled about it) but he has been such a little chortling ball of sunshine this week that it’s been less me taking care of him on my own and more him keeping me company while daddy’s away. These days, B3 loves blowing kisses (“MMMAH!”) and giving hugs, looking through his legs upside-down, and turning around in circles like a puppy when anyone asks “Where’s your ball?”  He laughs uproariously during music hours at the library for reasons unbeknownst to any other baby, shouts “bapples!” (apples) whenever he sees them and thinks counting to ten is hilarious.  I didn’t realize until this weekend, without B2 as back-up, how often I have work at the back of my mind when I’m home because I know that he could take over if something came up.  While no weekend is complete without all three of us, being able to shut that out completely this weekend and focus completely on our sweet boy has been an unexpected silver lining.  We’ll be doing this all over again in a few weeks, but backwards–I’m flying to Buffalo (Seoul, it is not!) for my own depositions and am going to miss both my boys so much.

As for what we’ve been cooking, it seems like these past few months have been full of debut cookbooks (and, in some cases, second cookbooks) from my very favorite food bloggers and food idols, and cooking from these gems has been a fun change of pace from the home stretch of my own manuscript.  My only regret is that I haven’t been able to photograph or write about them with as much detail as I would have in a long-forgotten age before book babies and real babies!  The brevity of their mentions here reflects on me, not on them.  Here are a couple of our favorites from the last few months:

As though it needs any introduction, Smitten Kitchen Every Day by Deb Perelman is the source of that vibrant chicken noodle soup above, which we were making every other week for awhile there when our household was a merry-go-round of runny noses.  These meatballs marsala with buttered egg noodles are next on my list.

The Pretty Dish by Jess Merchant, which has these 15-Minute Sesame Noodles that give my beloved Indomie a run for its money.

Molly Yeh’s Short Stack Yogurt, a slim tome devoted entirely to Luke’s favorite food on this earth (in close competition with all cheese, also Cheerios, also–broccoli?), which has a chicken and rice soup with yogurt that we’ve been making in turns with regular chicken noodle, and soft yogurt pita, and challah French toast, and as a bonus, is printed in hot pink and does the neat trick of making everything look green if you read it for awhile.

Minimalist Kitchen by Melissa Coleman, which pretty much depicts my aspirational life and has, to boot, a chipotle salad that perfectly mimics a Mendocino Farms one I’ve been on the hunt for.  (And out today!)

For the Love of the South, by Amber Wilson.  It bottles up all of my nostalgia for my Southern childhood into deep, evocative pages and presents the odd problem of having to decide whether to cook from it (muscadine Dutch babies! hushpuppies! pimento gougeres!) or just sit and get lost in its pages.

Any favorite cookbooks lately? Tell me!  Hope you are all having wonderful, warm springs.

you may also like

Source: http://tworedbowls.com/2018/04/10/more-bits-and-bats/

[shiraglassman]

Hey! I'm looking for queer Jewish fantasy or sci-fi (aside from your books which I've read!)

Great question! Here are some recs.

“Further Arguments in Support of Yudah Cohen’s Proposal to Bluma Zilberman” by Rebecca Fraimow - trans m/cis f paranormal romance/humor with a shtetl setting. Short and online free.

The Dyke and the Dybbuk by Ellen Galford (my review) - out of print but award winning and easy to find through interlibrary loan, this one’s a madcap comedy about a Jewish lesbian in the UK who, thanks to an old family curse, gets possessed by a demon (also a lesbian.) Since she’s already pretty avant-garde in her behavior, the demon decides she can’t make her act more zany, so instead she gives her a walloping crush on, of all people, an Orthodox woman.

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness is a gentle, affectionate parody of paranormal YA and the main character’s best friend is Jewish, gay, and a cat god. (My review)

To Summon Nightmares by JK Pendragon (my review) stars a bi, Jewish trans guy living in Ireland who must confront his new (cis) boyfriend’s demon-summoning past.

“Three Partitions” by Bogi Takács - nonbinary sci-fi set in an Orthodox space colony, by a nonbinary author. Somewhat of a deconstruction of gendering in Orthodox communities by exploring how a nonbinary alien species fits into that gendered space. Short and online free.

“Seven Commentaries on an Imperfect Land” by Ruthanna Emrys - positions the Jewish diaspora as a portal fantasy. Includes f/f and solidarity with Muslims. Short and online free.

Riley Marigold and the Winged Lizards of Tel Aviv by Kayla Bashe @kayla-bird​ - f/f YA about kids trying to save genetically engineered lizard-dragons an animal shelter says it can’t afford to keep any longer  Short and online free, including in audio.

Hearts Alight by Elliot Cooper is m/m Chanukah romance novella. What do you do when you find out the sexy older man you’ve been crushing on is actually a golem? Written by a trans guy and has a trans guy supporting character, too.

Maybe some day we’ll get “Medic to the Hivemind” back once @kayla-bird finds a new publisher for it - that one has a Jewish lesbian astronaut who falls for the mysterious woman who talks her through trauma over the radio. I’ll be sure to let everyone know!

Speaking for Ourselves: Short Stories by Jewish Lesbians has one speculative piece: “The Woman who Lied” by Jano, which is adorably wtf. Two Jewish women are in bed when one, doing that thing I’m sure we’ve all done at some point, reacts positively to being touched in a way that actually just leaves her neutral, because she wants the other woman to feel good. Her lie causes her boobs to temporarily turn into bagels and challah because a dybbuk has a very strange sense of humor. Everything works out in the end so it’s basically a happy little fable about being sexually honest.

Incidentally there is an important Jewish side character in The Mystic Marriage by Heather Rose Jones, which is about 19th century lesbians creating magic rocks, but as far as we know she herself is straight.

In case this post gets reblogged beyond people who have heard of me, here’s the link to my books, fluffy Jewish high fantasy with a mostly LGBTQA+ cast.

When I run into more, I’ll reblog this post again and add things.

[seriouslyhooked]

Just a Taste (A CS AU) Part 2/10

AU where Emma and Killian are contestants on the Great American Baking Show and all twelve contestants hail from Storybrooke Maine. In this AU Emma is a book editor by day, while Killian is an architect who just moved to town a few months prior. Expect baked goods, flirtatious interactions, a little drama and a whole lot of fluff with a guaranteed HEA for Captain Swan. Rated M.

Part One Here

A/N:  It’s bread week this chapter of Just A Taste! Expect some tension between what Emma and the others want on and off camera (now that the show is a hit), of course some much needed CS fluff, and baked goods. Hope it makes your Monday a little better, and thanks for reading!

Chaos, that was the best descriptor Emma had for the happenings under the big white baking tent right now. The remaining eleven contestants were all trying their best to make heads or tales of their latest challenge as the cameras moved about, but the charge in the room was less based on the competition and more fixated on the response that the show had publicly.

To say it was an overnight hit was an understatement, and in a matter of hours they’d gone from a completely unknown town, to a sensation that millions of people were interested in and rooting for. Craziest of all, was that it had taken only one fifty minute episode for teams to be drawn, and Emma seemed to be winning in the popular contest. Well, her and Killian, who not only were praised for their pieces, but for their chemistry. Emma blushed for what felt like the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours thinking about some of the things people had said.

It was such a bizarre way to start something, being filmed and now watched by millions, but she knew that the attraction simmering between she and Killian was real, and that even if it was terrifying, she wanted to take the risk. After exchanging numbers at the end of the last weekend, Emma and Killian had gotten coffee and even made it out for a real first date made up of dinner and then a nighttime stroll down by the beach to stargaze. It was beautiful and romantic, yet private. It wasn’t something Emma would ever want to share on this show so that the world could know. Those moments were just for her and Killian. Well and her friends, who Emma broke down each element beat for beat with over cocoa the next morning.

As Emma worked to decipher the recipe in front of her though, the going was tough. This week they were working on Gold’s Sinful Cinnamon Swirl and on top of no baking temperature, they were given eight ingredients on their recipe list when only seven were needed. Still Emma pushed through, following her instincts and risking the fall out later. She’d done very well in the first challenge of the day with her ‘sandwich bread’ selection of brown butter infused challah, and if this didn’t go her way, she should still be fine.

“Not exactly the most accessible recipe is it?” Ruby asked as she and Graham made their way with the crew over to Emma for her mid-challenge interview.

“Well look at this,” Emma motioned to the paper, “Half of it’s been redacted like its CIA level secrets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it tastes great when done correctly, but all the pomp and circumstance only adds to the frustration.”

“Amen!” Belle’s call from the other side of the room had Emma laughing before returning to Graham and Ruby.

“So I take it you’re not a fan of the ‘decorative gold shavings’ that the recipe calls for either.” Emma fought hard against an eye roll, not wanting to come off as totally rude and disrespectful on television but she bit her lip before responding.

“Let’s just say that I never use them in my baking. Maybe I’ve been missing something all these years, but I’ve never had any complaints about my lack of fourteen carat adornments on a loaf of bread.”

Both Ruby and Graham laughed and the crew smiled at Emma, signaling that they’d gotten what they needed before letting Emma get back to her work. She finished her bread in the allotted time, though she noticed that yet again, the larger group’s end results looked strikingly different. As they waited for the judges, Killian came up to stand beside her and whispered in her ear, confident that he wouldn’t be heard or caught by the cameras.

“Hardly my idea of an ideal third date.” Emma felt a surge of warmth course through her as she felt his breath against her ear and she smiled before looking at him and whispering in kind.

“Our third date is just an afternoon doing something we are now contractually obligated to participate in? You’re cheeping out a little early don’t you think?” He grinned at that.

“I propose a compromise. Consider this the prequel to the date, and at day’s end, you come with me to escape the madness.” Emma looked back around the frenzy in the tent and couldn’t deny how lovely his plan sounded.

“I could use a little escape.”

Killian appeared as close to forgetting himself as Emma was, and they were moments away from a kiss when they remembered where they were and pulled back. Not that Emma could fault herself for wanting one from him. She knew how he kissed now, and she was quickly becoming addicted to it. Still, they’d agreed on that night under the stars that they while the show was filming, they’d have a separation of their new relationship and the bake off. If going without a kiss for a few more hours meant less of the crazy public speculation, she was okay with that. Besides, the anticipation brewed it’s own special brand of excitement.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret called and waved her over to her and Belle, looking like she had something incredibly important to tell her, though with Mary Margaret it was always hard to tell for she was always so excitable. Emma looked to Killian who seemed to understand and gave her a small smile.

“Go on love. I really should go bother David anyways.” Emma smiled and moved to her friends, standing between Belle and Mary Margaret who quickly regaled her with some of the challenge drama she had missed.

“Guys, is that an empty plate?” Emma asked, only just noticing it.

“Someone put paprika on Archie’s table instead of cinnamon.” Instantly Emma knew that the only person horrible enough to do something like that was Catherine, but she wondered aloud why the woman would target someone as kind as Archie.

“Last week he went up to her and told her if she ever wanted to talk, his office was always open. He thought that her outbursts might have something to do with a past trauma.”

Emma shook her head at Belle’s words. So the man had the audacity to be kind and Catherine’s response was sabotage. True, paprika and cinnamon were different colors, and a more experienced baker than Archie would have known that, but the man wasn’t slated to win this. He had a few weeks left at best before this, so why waste the effort?

“Is this a distorted fame thing?” Emma whispered. “Like does she think being the show’s villain will get her something in the long run?” Mary Margaret shrugged as Catherine’s shrill voice pierced through the tent and made it’s way to them.

“I hope they send the Sister home, if only so I don’t have to see those tacky pink numbers anymore.” Emma held Mary Margaret’s hand to keep her friend both calm and assured that what Catherine was saying wasn’t true, but where Emma planned to step forward, it was David who said something.

“Catherine, stop.” The blonde looked inclined to keep going, so David continued. “This has gone on too long, and I’m done. So unless you want a nationally broadcasted breakup, I suggest you keep quiet.”

Emma looked from David to Killian, who seemed shocked but proud of his friend, and in that moment she knew that it was likely Killian who had talked some sense into David.

“Apologize to Mary Margaret.” David said as he looked at her pixie-haired friend who was blushing under the intent gaze of the man she’d so long liked from afar.

“I don’t think that- oh fine. I’m sorry.” It was less than sincere but Mary Margaret nodded and turned back to Emma and Belle.

“I know it’s probably not the right time to say so, but I think he’s sweet on you.” Both Mary Margaret and Emma held back laughter at Belle’s singsong way of saying that last part, but Emma noticed Mary Margaret’s eyes glance back to David who offered her a small smile.

“Do you think they’re really over?” Mary Margaret asked, the hope in her voice so obvious. Again Emma took her hand and nodded.

“David is a good guy, a better guy than Catherine deserves by a long shot, so yeah I think now he sees it, and now it’s over.” Belle took Mary Margaret’s other hand in friendly solitude, but the moment was broken when they heard Liam’s voice.

“Did you get that? Perfect.” Emma whipped her eyes to where he stood, entreating a camera crew to film them and now the eye roll she’d been holding at bay came through, causing Liam to laugh. “Even better, make sure we keep that.”

“If only we could have the cooking show without the show part.” Emma grumbled and her friends agreed readily, pulling the tension from her own body. Oh well, this was what she’d signed up for, and much as she feigned complaint, it was still exciting and definitely felt like an experience worth having. She looked to Killian almost involuntarily and saw him, arms crossed, staring daggers at his brother for the display and more warmth sprang through her. He was being protective over her whether he knew it or not, and the thought that he cared enough made Emma happy.

“Sorry for the hold up, everyone. We had a bit of a delay, but we’re set to go now.”

With Tink’s warning, the judges filed in. Granny looked near wringing the neck of Gold if her death stares were anything to go off of, while Regina looked angry as well even if it was better contained. When the cameras came, one never would have guessed she was upset. They made their way through the breads, and near everyone had some big problem with theirs aside from Tiana and Belle, who both did rather well. When they reached Emma’s though, Regina looked thoughtful.

“The structure of this one is good, let’s see inside. Yes, not too much air, just the right amount of rise and a beautiful swirl of cinnamon.”

“Not nearly enough gold though.” Gold claimed and Belle choked on a laugh, her hand gripping Emma’s arm causing Emma to want to laugh too, but she pursed her lips together, trying to contain her smile.

“The taste is fantastic, but I think there’s a little something extra in here that wasn’t actually in the recipe.” Regina said the words aloud and looked to Gold as if his reaction was something she was particularly interested in.

“Hell it tastes better than the one we just ate in the other tent!” Granny proclaimed, too late retorting “no offense,” to Gold who was near red with anger at this point.

“Doesn’t matter, it didn’t follow the recipe.”

Had any of them followed that redacted mess, really though? Emma thought.

The judges moved on, and though she’d gotten such excellent praise, Emma’s came right in the middle of the pile, much to the annoyance of Granny who kept looking at Emma with apology in her eyes. Emma waved it off discretely, not really caring, for certainly she wasn’t going home this week, but still. Gold clearly had a huge problem with other people succeeding, and the faster they got through this, the sooner she’d be away from the man.

“Emma, a few words?” Liam asked after the rankings had been announced and everyone was waiting to go home. Emma nodded, glad she could get the interview of the day done early.

“Sure.” They set her up outside in the place where they frequented for the shots and Liam dove straight in.

“You’ve been doing really well so far in the competition, Emma, any reason you think that is?” Emma smiled.

“I’ve been practicing at home during the week, but honestly, I’m just having fun. Thinking too much can really mess up a bake quickly.”

“How did you feel about your ranking just now?” Emma shrugged, again, not wanting to create waves here.

“I’m still learning the rules, and while I didn’t think adding an extra ingredient was a problem before, I can see that it might be if the aim of the exercise was to exactly recreate Gold’s recipe.” There, that sounded diplomatic enough.

“Do you think yours was better?” Emma laughed at that.

“I didn’t have his, but it wouldn’t really matter if it was. He has a baking empire and years of experience on me. I’m not silly enough to think that an amateur baker would know more about this than a professional.”

“You’re close with many of the people here, having known them quite a while, but you’ve also shown the most kindness to the town’s newest citizen.” Emma nodded, waiting for a question, but she didn’t get one.

“I think that one of the best parts of Storybrooke is that even though it’s small and might be insignificant from a global perspective, it has heart. This is a place where neighbors care and we look out for each other. Killian is a good person, and the town sees that.”

“But do you see that?” Liam prodded.

“Do I see that Killian is a good guy? Of course I do. I wouldn’t speak so highly of someone I didn’t actually care for.” Liam grinned.

“So are the fans correct in thinking that there could be something more between the two of you?”

“Look, Liam. I’m not talking about this. If you want to talk about baking or my feelings on a challenge that’s one thing. For now, I’ll just say that it’s exciting that people are connecting with our town and our experience here, but that all of us are still people, living our lives and wanting a bit of privacy.” With that, Emma removed her mic that they’d attached for her interview and left the area, frustrated that Killian’s brother of all people was causing the issue.

“I’ll bloody kill him.” Killian said as soon as he saw Emma. “Truly, Emma I’m sorry. As soon as he pulled you aside I knew he was going to push about us, but please understand my brother means well. He’s just heard me speak of you and…” Emma looked up at a clearly distressed Killian smiling.

“How long?” His eyes were wide with confusion when Emma asked the question and she longed to kiss that particular look away and replace it with the lust and wonder that seemed to come every time she kissed him in the past.

“I’m sorry love?” The lilt in Killian’s voice was more pronounced from the emotion of the moment.

“How long have you been talking about me?” He went red and ran a hand through his hair.

“Since my first week in town, honestly.” Emma was surprised at the confession but delighted nonetheless.

“Anyone ever tell you that you move pretty slowly for a guy so full of charm and ego?” He laughed at that.

“Don’t let appearances fool you love. I sometimes find myself doubting, and with you, I had to wonder if I was good enough.”

“Are you still wondering?” Emma asked, with the teasing fading from her voice and a longing for the truth remaining.

“I now know that you are entirely too good for me, but I’m too selfish to walk away.”

Emma could see that underneath the statement there was a genuine worry, and that something she didn’t understand was influencing Killian’s thought process. Emma would wager that in his past somewhere there was a reason, but she didn’t want to push. She could wait for him to see that she could be trusted; it was really only their second week of knowing each other after all.

“There it is again. All that charm is liable to get you in trouble, Jones.” He moved closer to her, after a brief glance to check that no one was paying them any mind.

“I like a little trouble now and then, love.”

“You seem like the type who would.” Emma looked at his mouth, wanting to steal that kiss she’d been thinking of all day, but she held back, knowing that even if they didn’t see anyone around, it was still too great a risk. She bit her lower lip so as to hold back and his eyes tracked the motion.

“Fuck my interview. My brother deserves to sweat a little for the stunt he pulled anyways. Let’s get out of here, Swan.” Emma laughed at his enthusiasm and followed him out into the rest of the evening, not sure of what was to come, but excited nonetheless.

……………………………

The next morning’s showstopper round was saddled with an unexpected element – torrential downpours. While the contestants worked through the morning to make their filled breads for the challenge that had been given to them, the droplets splashed down on the tent, causing a loud background noise. It was driving the filming crew mental, which was leaving each of the contestants a little more on edge than they might have been otherwise.

If this was a normal Sunday and rain was falling down, Emma would no doubt still be baking, the soft pitter patter of the rain would be calming, not reason for stress. To ease her own anxiety, Emma pretended that she was at home and let herself fall into the natural rhythm of baking her bread. This was a hobby she’d chosen because of it’s peacefulness and eventual reward, so she let herself sink into familiar routines as a means of avoiding the spectacle around her.

“I’m sorry, Killian, could you say that again? They didn’t get it that take,” Tink said apologetically.

Emma looked over as Killian patiently awaited his mark to explain his creation for the third time. While it must no doubt have been annoying to him, he showed no signs of exasperation.

“It’s a feta and pesto twist loaf, and the secret is in the filling. If you leave too much air, the bread bubbles and bakes irregularly. It needs to be tight, but not left to rise too long.”

“So clearly it’s a walk in the park.” Ruby said, thankfully changing her response so Killian could have a genuine reaction instead of reiterating the joke the writer’s had made.

“I’ve gotten it right once, and tried three times, so hopefully, my record improves with today’s outing.”

“Have you had anyone try it?”

Emma ducked her head to conceal her blush, but no one seemed to be looking her way anyways. Truth was she had been the taste tester and she had been delighted with the bread when she had it last night. Even the next day the bread was decadent, and when heated slightly it had been fantastic. With the bread, and some other home made food that he’d prepared in the hopes that Emma would say yes to a date, Killian and Emma enjoyed an impromptu picnic in one of the smaller parks away from the town center. None of the new tourists who were looking to see the town from television made their way that far from the hum drum of Main Street, and Emma and Killian had a beautiful time and got to see a gorgeous sunset. It was very romantic, and another of those precious private moments she’d come to cherish.

“I have, love, and the reviews were all of the raving variety.”

“Someone would have to be raving mad to try anything you make, Jones.” David’s pun-filled call from across the room had everyone in the tent enjoying a laugh and signaled the end of Killian’s interview.

As time went on, and the bakers got their breads in the oven, the smells that swirled through the tent were strong and mostly pleasant. The contestants were divided pretty evenly between sweet and savory, and now all the aromas blended together into such a heady mess it had Emma on the verge of sneezing, but she held back. The clock was ticking down, and with every moment, she was closer to submitting her final bake of the weekend. She’d taken this week’s inspiration from Oliver Twist, and though it was kind of underwhelming, she was still proud that she’d even managed a book themed bread when it wasn’t exactly a medium that leant itself to design.

Shaped in an ‘O’ for the obvious reason, Emma’s ‘I want s’more’ bread was a graham cracker white base, filled with chocolate and a marshmallow fluff. Each piece could be torn off, almost like a monkey bread, which Mary Margaret had made, but instead of glazing it entirely, Emma carefully drizzled some melted chocolate in a purposeful design. It was a lot to do in the little time she had for the challenge, but as the bell rang and the bake ended, Emma finished, pleased with the end result.

Unlike the day before, the judges managed to make their appearance in a timely fashion, and the energy that came with that was notably easier, at least until they tried the first bread. It was Ella’s, and though Emma hadn’t paid much attention to it before, she noted that the judges seemed to dislike even the smell of the loaf she’d created.

“Remind me again what the flavor mix was,” Regina prompted kindly.

“It’s a buffalo chicken and blue cheese loaf,” Ella said, now shy and unsure of herself.

“I wouldn’t eat it if I were you two, for one reason alone. This blue cheese has gone bad, and anyone with a nose can smell that. Honestly the fact that no one has fainted from how ghastly this is all day is a miracle.”

Gold’s words were cruel and Ella stood there in shock, holding her abdomen where a baby that was nearly five months along resided. She’d come on the show knowing she was pregnant, but wanting to be a part of the process because her sons were so excited about the town getting a TV show. At that moment Granny stepped in to save the day.

“Ella, I think we might actually take this as good news, honey. There’s an old wives tale that says some mothers lose all sense of smell when pregnant with a girl.” Gone were the tears from Gold’s cutting reply, and now there was a hopeful smile.

“You think so Granny?”

“Only time, and a doctor’s visit will tell dear. Until then, avoid baking with cheese.”

Ella laughed and the judges moved on, one by one down the line breaking down each bake with care until they reached Robin’s. Emma knew the man as a single Dad with a big heart and a smile for anyone. He was easy going, charming, but not over the top, and genuinely kind. That he was also handsome didn’t hurt matters, and Emma watched as Regina noticed. Never had the woman allowed herself to seem off balance, yet when Robin spoke about his marbled ham and cheese loaf, she was clearly thinking of other things, probably of the not so appropriate variety.

“For the love of God Regina, stop staring at the man and eat your bread.”

There it is. Gold’s comments have finally pushed someone too far, Emma thought to herself. There was fire brimming in Regina’s eyes, a look of embarrassment coupled with anger across her features that in a second were morphed into a wicked smile.

“Can you blame me? I get to look at your grimacing mug all day, I could use a nice break.” Then she winked – Regina Mills, picture of class and decorum and baking royalty winked at Robin in front of all the cameras, and he blushed. Emma was shocked, unable to keep her mouth closed as it hung, slack and disbelieving. Was this happening?  

“Perhaps we’ll get some reprieve from romantic speculation. A judge and a contestant together should be so much more intriguing.” Killian whispered to Emma who smiled at him until she heard Tink muttering beside them.

“Not likely, with Liam intent on matching you two up come hell or high water.”

Emma covered her mouth to muffle a laugh. Even though she thought Liam’s methods were lacking, she did like that he was watching out for his brother and seemed to think Emma a good fit for Killian. Despite the feigned arguments and the frustrated moments, Emma knew that Killian had nothing but love for his older brother. Her not passing muster with Liam would be like Killian falling short with Mary Margaret, Ruby and Belle. It might not end things, per se, but it would certainly inflict some damage on a new relationship.

When the ranking was done Emma managed to stay another week, as did her friends, and it was unfortunately Archie who was heading home after sabotage and a lack luster final bake. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret was pronounced the star baker of the weekend, though apparently much to the chagrin of one Mr. Gold.

“I hate to reward something that goes by the name of ‘monkey bread,’ but the flavors were there, and she was consistent all weekend, unlike many of the others.” Gold was giving his post-judging testimonial on one side of the tent, as Regina did hers on the others.

“Miss Blanchard showed a lot of finesse in the first two challenges, and today she brought us on a journey. She told a story about what the bake meant to her and that excitement and feeling is what made her bread so good. As professionals we often forget that, it becomes a job or routine, but without an element of love or hope, a bake cannot be fully actualized. There will always be something missing without passion.”

Emma thought it was interesting that the same thing could be said about people. Sometimes people went through life unfeeling or guarded for whatever reason, as Emma knew, for she had long been such a person herself. But where habit and routine made way for a feeling of contentment, one couldn’t be really happy without hope or belief in something more. Without being on this show Emma may never have realized that, and she thought, not for the first time, how glad she was that she’d been given the chance to do this.

“I’d like nothing more than to steal you away again tonight, love, but I overheard Mary Margaret and Belle mention something about a movie night,” Killian said when the larger group had dispersed.

Emma nodded and informed him that one Sunday a month for the past few years, the friends (including Ruby) made homemade pizza, watched a romantic comedy, and pretended that Monday wasn’t mere hours away. This was the first time she’d ever been somewhat upset that she was going though. Emma would have liked a little time alone with Killian. As if he could read her mind he bent low and whispered in her ear.

“The lovely thing about this town, Emma, is I’m mere minutes away, so if by chance you find yourself missing me tonight… know that I’ll find you, should want me.” She looked at his blue eyes and fell into the intensity there.

“I’ll want you.”

Killian grinned at her admission and moved a lock of hair behind her ear. It sent a spark through Emma, and for a moment she’d forgotten their promise. Someone might have seen that, but in the end, Emma didn’t truly care. All that mattered was that tonight she and Killian would get another one of those private moments, and the promise of it wrapped around her, warm and wonderfully right.

Post-Note: So there you have it. Week two has come and gone, another Storybrooke character bit the baking dust, so to speak, and we had more fluffy CS moments. Hope you guys liked the fluffiness, and as always, I love hearing your feedback and engaging on what you guys would like to see in the story. Hope you all have a great week and are surviving after last night’s episode. Until next week!

[josephlrushing]

Upgrade Your Kitchen Gear with the Ankarsrum Assistent Original Stand Mixer

The Ankarsrum Assistent Original is a beautiful machine that’s ready to help complete many kitchen tasks. Best known as a high-end mixer that’s perfect for mixing and kneading bread dough, it can also mix cake batter, churn butter, mix cookie dough, whip cream, and much more all without any additional accessories. This powerful mixer with an excellent warranty may be the last one you ever need to buy.

Here is everything that comes in the box.

I was first introduced to the Ankarsrum Assistent (yes “Assistent” is spelled correctly, it’s Swedish) while researching my review of the Challenger Bread Pan. Challenger Breadware only carries the best equipment for home bread baking, so I was instantly intrigued. The Ankarsrum, or “Ank” as it’s affectionately referred to by its users, is made out of chrome and steel, and it is built to last. The 600-watt motor is strong enough to mix up to 5kg (or 11 pounds!) of dough in the 7-liter stainless steel bowl.

Ank with the roller and scraper

The Ank with its plastic bowl and double beater.

The Ank comes with a 7L steel bowl as well as a 3.5L clear plastic bowl. The large stainless bowl is to be used for bread doughs while the smaller plastic bowl is to be used for cake batter, cookie dough, whisking meringue, making icing, etc. With the stainless steel bowl, you can use the included dough hook, roller, scraper, and cover. With the plastic bowl, you will use the included double beaters. You get two sets of whisks, one set of balloon whisks, and one set of pastry whisks.

Shiny control knobs

The back of the unit.

The Ankarsrum Assistent is uniquely engineered so that the motor is located at the bottom of the unit, and the bowl itself spins. This design provides for a completely open top, which makes it easy to add flour, water, etc. as the mixer is spinning. The open top also allows you to see and feel the dough much easier than competitors. There is a movable steel arm that spans over the bowl, which holds the roller, while the scraper attaches to the side of the bowl and remains stationary while the bowl spins. This design simultaneously rolls and kneads the dough, making it similar to kneading with human hands. You also use a dough hook instead of the roller arm, which leads to a little more tearing while kneading, but many people use it with great success.

Kneading my first dough, NY Style pizza dough.

The same pizza dough

NY Style pizza dough rolled into balls and ready to ferment in the fridge for a few days.

The setup with the plastic bowl is pretty nifty. The bowl has a hole in the middle that allows a central shaft to connect to the motor assembly. The double beater assembly then connects to the top of the shaft and spins using the internal gears. It’s a cool setup that works well but requires a lot of small parts and pieces to use.

The Ank is controlled using two knobs. The left knob is the on/off/timer. You turn the knob one click to turn it on, and if you keep going past “on,” you can select a timer setting where the Ank will turn off automatically after up to 12 minutes. The speed is controlled using the right knob, and it’s completely adjustable, unlike most mixers that have specific speed settings. You can take the Ank from 45 to 130 rpm and adjust it anywhere in between. Surprisingly, it’s a fairly quiet motor, which is nice considering I share the house with my wife and kids, and they’d get annoyed with a loud motor.

A look at the recipes included in the hardcover recipe book.

Ankarsrum kindly provides a nicely designed, hardcover recipe book with each Assistent. Recipes include everything from hamburger buns, focaccia, and standard bread loaves, to desserts, cookies, pasta, smoothies, milkshakes, and more. The recipe book is surprisingly well-designed and photographed, and the recipes are specifically formulated for use in the Ank.

One more advantage that Ankarsrum carries over its competitors is it’s a serious warranty, boasting a SEVEN-year warranty on the motor base and a one year warranty on accessories. The warranty only applies to the original purchaser, however, so be forewarned in the secondary market. This is a massive advantage over comparable units that carry a mere two-year warranty.

A look at the crumb of my NY Style pizza dough.

My pizza, because who doesn’t like pizza?

So let’s talk about my experience testing the Ankarsrum Assistent. Keep in mind that I’ve been using a KitchenAid Artisan series, tilt-head mixer for years, so that’s my basis for comparison. While I feel like a KitchenAid Pro Series bowl-lift stand mixer is a more apt comparison spec-wise, I haven’t used one myself. There’s certainly a learning curve when going from a KA mixer to the Ankarsrum Assistent, and it took some time for me to feel confident, but the huge bowl and powerful motor were appreciated early and often.

Homemade sourdough bagels, mixed and kneaded in the Ank.

They were awesome. Come to think of it; I think I still have some in the freezer!

With the Ank, you’re supposed to put in all of the liquid ingredients first, then add your flour slowly until your dough comes together. I’ve watched a lot of videos recommending that the Ank allows you to use slightly less flour than a recipe calls for; however, I’m a bit anal when it comes to recipes, especially when baking, so I typically used the recommended amount of flour. I used the roller the most when mixing my bread dough since that’s supposed to be the closest way to mimic hand kneading. When mixing the water, oil, yeast, etc., I pushed the arm toward the center and back to help the ingredients mingle, then I added the flour slowly until it all combined into a nice dough. The experience of being able to dump all the ingredients in while it was spinning, without having to lower the bowl, tilt the head back, or try to sneak in between the head and the bowl, was fantastic.

Once the dough was formed, I reduced the speed to allow it to knead gently. The dough rolls around inside the bowl, getting lightly squeezed between the roller and the side of the bowl, then kicked back by the scraper. It’s an efficient way to keep the dough moving while gently kneading it. The perimeter of the roller itself is scalloped, mimicking the shape of human fingers. As mentioned, there’s a learning curve when using the Ank, and I wasn’t always sure that my dough was properly kneaded, however, my final products always came out great.

M&M cookie dough in progress

We made a few different types of bread in the stainless bowl, including pizza dough (my favorite) a few times, challah, and sourdough bagels. The process, while different than what I’m used to, was reasonably easy to adapt to. I found that the combination of the roller and scraper did seem like human hands were kneading the dough, and it definitely felt more gentle than I’m used to with a KA dough hook. The dough was adequately kneaded to develop the gluten in the bread, though it took slightly longer than I expected, approximately 10 minutes or so. Each turned out as expected: the challah was light and soft, the bagels were chewy on the inside and crisp on the outside, while the pizza dough had great oven spring and was crisp on the outside and soft on the inside.

Delicious, who doesn’t want some M&M cookies?

We also made M&M cookies using the plastic bowl and double beaters. We used the balloon (cookie) whisks to cream the room temperature butter before adding the sugar. The cookies came out great, as they were well mixed using the plastic bowl and double beaters. It was actually mesmerizing watching the double beaters work. Butter is a point worth mentioning. The Ankarsrum doesn’t have a solid “paddle” beater like KitchenAid mixers do, so it doesn’t have the ability to cream butter from the fridge. Ankarsrum makes it very clear that all butter must be room temperature before creaming. This may be an inconvenience to some, as it requires some forethought, but it’s not the end of the world.

After a few weeks of testing and many uses, I can confidently say that the Ankarsrum Assistent Original is an excellent mixer for those home bakers who are looking to level-up their kitchen equipment. The 7L bowl and 600W motor make it especially great if you’re going to be making a lot of dough at one time. There’s absolutely a learning curve, so you’ll want to go into your purchase expecting some time getting used to your device, but once you dedicate yourself to it, you’ll be making great food for years and years to come. The Ank is built like a tank, and it has the 7-year warranty to back it up. I’ve seen posts on the Ankarsrum Facebook group from people showing off their 20+-year-old mixers (previously called Electrolux Assistent, DLX, Verona Magic Mill).

Challah dough about to be kneaded by the dough hook; please excuse the messy counter.

Challah!

The Ankarsrum Assistent is beautifully designed, from both an engineering and aesthetic perspective. It’s available in 12 colors, enough to coordinate with any kitchen while it’s stainless steel bowl and curved lines would look good sitting on your counter, assuming you have the counter space. It has a removable power cord, so you can store it away easier, as well as a bowl cover that doubles as an accessory bowl while the Assistent is in use. They thought of everything.

Ankarsrum also has several accessories available to extend the uses for your Assistent. These nifty accessories include a spaghetti roller/cutter, lasagna sheet roller, grain/spice/coffee mill, slicer/shredder, meat grinder, juicer, and even a blender. There so many accessories I’m not going to name them all here. You can check out the full list online.

As I said, if you’re looking for an upgrade to your kitchen gear, check out the Ankarsrum Assistent Original, expect a learning curve, but your patience will be rewarded with delicious baked goods for years to come. Stay tuned for an update later this summer, where I’ll be checking out some of Ankarsrum’s most popular accessories as well as a review video, showing a lot of footage from my testing.

The Ankarsrum Assistent Original Stand Mixer sells for $699, and you can purchase it directly from the manufacturer.  

Source: Manufacturer supplied review sample

What I Like: Ingeniously engineered; Strong motor; Large bowl; Kneads similar to human hands; Super-versatile, especially when taking accessories into account; Comes in a ton of different colors; Outstanding warranty protection; Timeless retro design

What Needs Improvement: There’s a learning curve; It’s a bit large, so it may be hard to find storage for it in a small kitchen

from Joseph Rushing https://geardiary.com/2020/08/04/upgrade-your-kitchen-gear-with-the-ankarsrum-assistent-original-stand-mixer/

[positivepsychologyinterventions]

Podcast: A Delicious Ritual to Reduce Stress

 Living in our fast-paced world, many of us find ourselves stressed out, and many others don’t even realize how stressed they’ve become. Many people choose to ignore their stress, others use meditation, exercise, or other endeavors to reduce stress. This episode shares the story of a woman whose solution to stress involves regularly making challah, a traditional Jewish bread. Not only does the ritual of the making of the bread reduce stress, but the history and tradition of the bread are also important to her.

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About Our Guest

Beth Ricanati, MD has built her career around bringing wellness into women’s everyday lives, especially busy moms juggling life and children. She received her undergraduate degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her MD from Case Western Reserve University; she completed her internal medicine residency at Columbia Presbyterian in NYC. She spent ten years in practice at the Columbia Presbyterian’s Women’s Health Center, the Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Women’s Health, and the Cleveland Clinic’s Wellness Institute. In addition to the frequent online writing that she does now, Ricanati has been a guest contributor for television, print, and online media, and has published medical articles in peer-reviewed journals. Ricanati lives in the Los Angeles area with her family and one challah-loving dog. Her book, Braided: A Journey of a Thousand Challahs, can be seen on Amazon.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/BethRicanatiAuthor

Instagram: www.instagram.com/housecallsforwellness

Website: www.housecallsforwellness.com

  CHALLAH SHOW TRANSCRIPT (Computer-Generated)

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health –  with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me, as always, is Vincent M. Wales. And today we will be talking with Dr. Beth Ricanati. Beth, welcome to the show.

Beth Ricanati: Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here.

Gabe Howard: Well, we’re very glad to have you.

Vincent M. Wales: Dr. Ricanati has a book that just came out in September. It is called Braided – A Journey of a Thousand Challahs, and it chronicles her journey of making bread and her quest for wellness and peace. She is a physician and a mother and we are very glad to have her here. Tell us one thing: what the heck is challah?

Beth Ricanati: Challah is a traditional Jewish bread.  Most of us recognize it as a braided bread that we have once a week on Shabbat. It does come in other shapes and sizes as well.

Vincent M. Wales: And what’s one of the defining factors of it, aside from the shape?

Beth Ricanati: The significance of challah is not just that it’s bread. It’s actually got some symbolism and history wrapped up in it. And it has been made for thousands of years.  One of the things that I really like about challah is that it connects me to the past. When I make challah, I am taking a little piece off and saying a blessing, as people do all around the world. And that signifies the offering that was given to the temple thousands and thousands of years ago and I find that really cool.

Vincent M. Wales: And it’s yummy as heck, right?

Beth Ricanati: Is oh it’s so good. Oh my gosh. We love it on Friday night. But leftovers the next day are even better a little challah French toast…

Vincent M. Wales: Yes! Challah French toast is the bomb!

Beth Ricanati: Right?

Gabe Howard: Well, I feel like I’m missing out, because I you are I’ve never had this, so I will add it to my list of things to try. Can you explain to us how is mental health and, you know, a bread – I mean, even steeped in history – how were they related?

Beth Ricanati: Yeah. So, great question and that was the big takeaway that I learned and it’s actually why I wrote the book. So, what I realized… I started making challah about ten years ago when I was totally stressed out and frantic and just trying to do everything and not doing any of it well. And a friend said, gee you should make challah. It was the Jewish New Year. I did and flash forward about five years into the process, and I realized the mental health benefit that I had been so lucky to have achieved and that is when I make challah on Fridays, I stop. I just stop. I’m present, I’m focused, I’m there, and it’s become my mindful meditation, if you will. It’s an opportunity every Friday to hit the pause button and reset and re-ground with my hands and a bowl of flour. It’s been incredible.

Gabe Howard: So in a lot of ways, it’s not so much about the bread making, it’s about the ritual, the routine. There’s something to look forward to.

Beth Ricanati: It’s my mindful ritual. And I care that we all have a mindful ritual. You’re absolutely right, for me, it’s the bread. But it doesn’t have to be, maybe it’s gardening for you. Or maybe it’s salsa dancing, as somebody else’s recently told me. It doesn’t matter what the ritual is, but that you have something that can help to keep you present, keep your focused, keep you mindful, is unbelievable for so many reasons, not the least of which is to help with stress management.

Vincent M. Wales: Can you talk a little bit more about that. I mean, I don’t think a lot of people are as aware about how important meaningful rituals can be to us.

Beth Ricanati: Yes. So we live, as you know, in a crazy, busy, fast-paced world.  And I think many of us, and certainly I had, had lost touch with the importance of having ritual in our lives. We’re running all over the place, we’re trying to do everything and be everywhere. We’re on our devices, etc., and there’s a lot of stress and anxiety floating around. I see it in my practice, I see it in my own life, and having a ritual – something that can help to bring you back – is such a great antidote to all of that stress and anxiety.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that you say about your book is that it sort of chronicles your quest for wellness and peace. Can you tell the listeners what they would get out of the book if they picked it up?

Beth Ricanati: To chronicle not only my journey, but they’re really three themes of the book. There’s the history of challah, which I knew nothing about prior to making challah. So there’s the history piece. And then there’s the food piece, which we can talk about more in a minute, that not only is obviously the recipe, but also the ingredients, and I’m obsessed with food as medicine and I go into great detail about the six ingredients and the importance of them and the quality and I think what we eat really impact our health. But then, the third piece is the sort of Mom and medical piece, and that’s my story and it’s stories of some of my patients and I one of the really lovely takeaways is that there’s some universal themes that I have gleaned and that that people who have read the book so far have told me that they can really identify with this need to just pause and be mindful and whether it’s making challah, as I said, or anything else, it’s the remembrance and the reminding that we’re all in this together.

Vincent M. Wales: I know a lot of people have their own rituals, but I’m not sure that a lot of people’s rituals are what you would call meaningful – sitting in front of the tube every night is a ritual for a lot of people.

Gabe Howard: That’s my favorite ritual.

Vincent M. Wales: I know it is. That’s why I brought it up.

Gabe Howard: Thanks. Thanks, Vin. Just call me right out on the show.

Vincent M. Wales: But you brought it up first.

Gabe Howard: Listen you are right. I mean it is not a meaningful ritual, but it is my ritual. It is what I do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your question, but continue please.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah I mean, well, you know, rituals can do two things. What yours does, Gabe, is it de-stresses you from your day, which is of course a benefit. But then what Beth here is talking about is something of another level entirely. And that’s something that is meaningful, you know, for as she said, there’s a lot of examples. A lot of them are artistic in nature, in fact.

Beth Ricanati: Yes.

Vincent M. Wales: And that’s, you know, as a writer, I dig that.

Gabe Howard: So based on what you just said there, Vin, I would like to pose the question to you, Beth. How do we create a meaningful ritual out of… like you said, I just I’m just living my life, I do need to de-stress, I’m not going to give up the television. But, you’re right. I would like to have something meaningful to look forward to, so what’s the process to create that?

Beth Ricanati: I think the first step is just doing something. It’s that simple, it’s behavioral modification, at the end of the day, really. I think that it’s the act of doing. So for example, I do this every Friday, and it has now become something that I don’t skip. And I rearranged my life to accommodate it. And we know from research, if you do something for a month, you’re more likely to keep doing it. So for example, if you if you walk and you walk for 15 days, if you skip the 16th day, you may or may not walk again on the 17th. But if you walk for a month and you miss a day, you probably get back to it the next day. So, to begin having a ritual in your life, I think you just have to start doing something and then it’s almost it becomes the realization afterwards. I think what stops so many of us is that we actually are looking for that perfect thing. What’s going to be my perfect ritual, in this case. And then we don’t do anything, because perfect is the enemy of the good. And it’s hard to find what the perfect thing is.

Gabe Howard: You are correct. I am fond of saying that perfection is the enemy of progress because we don’t move forward because we’re trying to make it perfect. So, this is a little bit of a weird question, but I want to pose it to you because I think that it is relevant. How do we determine something that is meaningful? I think that, collectively, we can all agree that sitting in front of the television is not meaningful, but and as you said, you know, cooking or… yeah. Speak on that a little bit.

Beth Ricanati: I think it’s personal. So actually, to go back to the TV example for a minute, you know if maybe your ritual is that you’re going to watch West Wing reruns with your child, that could be really meaningful, actually. I think it depend for the individual as opposed to, oh well, we can only say that that it’s meaningful if it’s X or Y. I think we all have our own individual… what resonates, what touches us.

Gabe Howard: We have our own personal motivations for the things that we try.

Beth Ricanati: Right. I mean, like I can’t garden to save my life and I’ve killed every succulent in our house. I mean I can’t keep a plant alive, but my mom is an unbelievable gardener and that’s her thing. And she does it and does it all the time and it’s fantastic. So I think it just depends on us individually.

Vincent M. Wales: It really does. And, for the record, I can’t keep plants alive, either.

Beth Ricanati: I’m feeling a little better.

Gabe Howard: Hold that thought for just one moment. We’re going to take a break to hear from our sponsor.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back, everyone. We’re here talking with Beth Ricanati about challah and meaningful ritual. So, one of the things that you had mentioned before is that you view food as medicine. And I know that is a very common thing. But I’d like to hear your twist on that.

Beth Ricanati: Yes. So I think that, and I’ve come to see particularly through my medical work, that the foods that we eat have an incredible ability to promote disease, prevent disease, and treat disease. So for example, turmeric is a hot one right now. It’s a spice that has been shown again and again and again to be anti-inflammatory. I think that’s incredible. Or another example, let’s take broccoli. We know that there’s a substance in broccoli that can turn on and off genes in your body that can promote and/or inhibit cancer. That’s incredible to me that the food that we eat can have this ability to keep it healthy. Or take mental health, for example. If you eat a lot of processed and packaged food, as opposed to foods that are rich in Omega 3s and fresh fruits and vegetables that are loaded with phytonutrients, you’re going to feel a whole lot different if you’re eating, you know, the Doritos versus a piece of salmon. I think that’s just awesome.

Gabe Howard: Let’s not go attacking Doritos.

Beth Ricanati: No, you’re right.

Gabe Howard: No, no, I’m kidding, it’s one of my favorite foods.

Vincent M. Wales: I’m gonna go take the salmon out of my freezer.

Gabe Howard: I don’t like salmon at all. But I completely understand your point, because people talk a lot about how eating fried foods or a lot of cake or donuts, etc. is bad for you, but nobody talks about eating healthy can be good for you. And by nobody I just mean like general conversations, everybody is really quick to smack the donut out of my hand, but nobody is quick to put a salad in my hand. And that’s really kind of your point, right? If you ate better, you’d feel better. And that’s powerful.

Beth Ricanati: It’s super powerful. I see it at work, I see it in our home. It’s incredible. And I see it, honestly, when I make challah. So the ingredients are the same. The recipe that I was given 10 years ago is the recipe that I used just this morning when I made challah and the six ingredients are the same. However, the quality of the ingredients has gone up substantially, as I’ve learned more and more. So take the egg, for example, that that I use in my challah. I used to just buy whatever egg was at the grocery store and I didn’t know that there was a difference. But now, I know that there’s a big difference, and you can go yourself and do this experiment that I’ve done it with my kids, it’s kind of fun. Just go by whatever random egg you want at the grocery store and then buy the organic, cage free, pasture raised, etc. egg, crack them open in two dishes next to each other, and one will have that pale, anemic looking yellow yolk and the other will be this vibrant, almost saffron golden color. Don’t you want that and all those nutrients? I certainly do. So I’ve changed –

Vincent M. Wales: Yes please.

Beth Ricanati: Right? It’s incredible. So I’ve changed, not the ingredients themselves, though the eggs, the flour, or the sugar, etc., but I’ve changed which ones I use, because I don’t want to put bad food… I can just as easily put good food in my body as bad food. And now, luckily, there’s so many more choices that it’s a lot easier to do that.

Vincent M. Wales: Right, and we out here in California are pretty privileged to have so many farmers markets.

Beth Ricanati: Yeah.

Vincent M. Wales: Having grown up back east and in a tiny little town, I grew up eating canned vegetables more than anything else and that’s… that’s a far cry from what we’ve got here right now.

Beth Ricanati: Yes.

Gabe Howard: I’m in Ohio, so thanks for rubbing it in, you too. I really appreciate it.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah, yeah… anytime.

Gabe Howard: To segue for a moment, and in your own words, do you believe that society in general has just… we’re just devoid of meaning in our lives, that we just get up, go to work, make dinner, pay our bills, go to sleep, repeat. Do you think we’re lacking as a culture things that make us special as individuals? Are we just like collective drones that are designed to work?

Beth Ricanati: No, no no. I just do think that it’s gotten a lot harder. I think individually were remarkable. And I just think, because – for so many reasons, but not the least of which, social media – I think it’s gotten a lot harder to hit the pause button and really stop and reflect and figure out what our individual meaning and purpose is. But no, I think we’re still all pretty unique and special.

Vincent M. Wales: Wow. Sometimes I don’t feel that way, though.

Gabe Howard: Well but I think that’s the point. I really… you’re right. Isn’t that kind of the point of your book, that we all are unique and special and powerful and available for greatness, but at the end of the day, we’re all staring at our phones and on social media and we’re not doing these things that connect us to our past and that create traditions for our future. And for those of us that have children.. you know, what if we don’t create traditions for the future? You have this – you have challah bread. But what is the next generation going to have if you don’t have it, because they won’t be able to go back. They don’t know great great grandma now.

Beth Ricanati: No. And that is very important, you’re absolutely right, to continue this. It’s been really fun, by the way, since the book has come out, to hear from leaders about how this is reminding them of their grandmother who used to bake or something in their heritage. You’re absolutely right about some of these traditions.

Vincent M. Wales: I think that’s great that you’re getting that kind of feedback and you’re having a… Even today, after we’re done with recording this show, you are having a book release party.

Beth Ricanati: I am! It’s so exciting, at our local independent bookstore. I’m thrilled, just thrilled.

Vincent M. Wales: Well I hope that goes well for you and please let us know because it sounds like a blast. Are you serving challah?

Beth Ricanati: Absolutely! I just made eight, this morning. You can’t come to a book launch about a book about challah and not have challah.

Vincent M. Wales: Exactly.

Beth Ricanati: I mean right?

Gabe Howard: The thing that I think is incredible and all of this is that there’s still a bookstore. In Ohio, they’re pretty much wiped out, with the exception of the college bookstores that are on campus that largely stock, obviously, the college textbooks… they’re… these things are gone. And that’s to your point. There’s another thing that we don’t have. I remember, not to age myself, but in the 80s, I got up really really early, like 2:00 a.m., to stand in line so that Stephen King could sign my book.

Beth Ricanati: Wow.

Gabe Howard: And stood outside a bookstore and waited. This bookstore is gone. They’re all gone. This is something that I won’t be able to pass on to the next generation because… I guess I can stand in line for the iPhone. That’s kind of the same, right? But, yeah. All joking aside, these are things that don’t exist anymore. As the world has become more convenient, we’ve sort of lost out on those things. I remember Vin telling me about friends of his that, you know, camped outside to buy tickets for things and nobody camps outside to buy tickets for things, we just sit in front of our computer and keep hitting refresh. So these things are slowly disappearing, which means, to your point, we need to work harder to find these traditions. Is that, is that really the takeaway?

Beth Ricanati: Well, first we have to even realize, to your point, that we may not have it in our lives and therefore, it would behoove us to figure out something to choose to have some meaning in our lives. And what’s so great about it is that you’ll feel better for it. And that was one of my big a-has. I felt better for doing this. It’s not why I started, by the way, but I realized and kept doing it because that’s how I feel when I make it. It’s really fantastic.

Vincent M. Wales: Do you find that, when you’re in the act of preparing the challah, that time just goes really really fast? You’re done before you know it?

Beth Ricanati: Well, yes and no. And what I mean by that is yes, because I get into a zone and it just, you’re right, it’s like I’m done before I started. But on the other hand, when I’m actually in the moment and I’m kneading the dough, then no, it almost is like time stopped. Yeah. When I’m actually deep in the dough, with that one moment, it’s really fantastic because I have to be there. I’m not making it in a KitchenAid or some kind of mix; I’m doing it by hand. And it’s messy. And that’s fantastic, because when in my normal life do I stop and get messy? I really don’t. So this is, this is fantastic. But you’re right, then it’s over all too fast and I’m waiting for the next Friday.

Vincent M. Wales: Right. So can you tell me, from a strictly mental health aspect, how does it help you? What… how can you compare how you feel before you make your challah to afterward?

Beth Ricanati: Yes, I feel calmer. I feel… it calms me down and I feel more focused. I tend to have a running list in my head all the time. There’s always something to do and I’m not good at turning that off. And, it gets harder to turn that off normally because of the phone and computers, etc. But when I have this ritual every Friday, I’m able to turn it off and I love that feeling. And what’s nice is I can then recall that feeling, because once you have something like this in your life and you’re aware of the benefit of it, you can remember how you feel and you can recall that then at other times. And that’s really powerful.

Vincent M. Wales: Now, when we were corresponding via email, I think one of the things that you said was that even when you travel…

Beth Ricanati: Yes. I try and make this… I really do try and make this every Friday. Occasionally, I don’t, but when I travel as well, I do try and make it. So for example, when I go I’ll be back in Ohio, actually, for Thanksgiving, and I’ll make it that week and I’ve already discussed with our extended family that I’ll need to do that that Friday. And when we’re away later on in the year, I will as well, make it when I’m traveling. Obviously, I can’t always do that when I’m traveling, but if I can get access to a kitchen, I do, because it’s part of my life, now. It’s what I do on Fridays.

Vincent M. Wales: And if you were unable to do that for say a month or two?

Beth Ricanati: Well, she might lose it, it might go away. It would… Right? I don’t think you’d skip it for a month or two. It’s that important.

Beth Ricanati: I want to know I don’t either. Yeah I’ve skipped it for two weeks in a row and that has not been fun. But I learned that there should be an 11th commandment, and the 11th commandment is that thou shall always have a frozen challah in the freezer for these emergencies when you can pull it out, because once in a blue moon, I need that frozen challah if I can’t actually make it that Friday. Doesn’t happen often, thank goodness, but once in a while…

Gabe Howard: That is very cool. All right. So I’m assuming that we can find the book on Amazon. Do you have a Web site that we can go to? Give us give us the details.

Beth Ricanati: I do. I do. So yes, it’s definitely on Amazon and you know where books are sold. And my Web site is https://ift.tt/1OKioHN. And I also have an Instagram with the same handle and I post a tip or prescription, if you will, every morning and that’s at Instagram and housecallsforwellness.

Gabe Howard: Housecallsforwellness.com is where you can go. Thank you so much for being here. We really enjoyed having you.

Beth Ricanati: Thank you.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counseling, anytime, anywhere by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We’ll see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email talkback@psychcentral.com.

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

    Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

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[erraticfairy]

Podcast: A Delicious Ritual to Reduce Stress

 Living in our fast-paced world, many of us find ourselves stressed out, and many others don’t even realize how stressed they’ve become. Many people choose to ignore their stress, others use meditation, exercise, or other endeavors to reduce stress. This episode shares the story of a woman whose solution to stress involves regularly making challah, a traditional Jewish bread. Not only does the ritual of the making of the bread reduce stress, but the history and tradition of the bread are also important to her.

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About Our Guest

Beth Ricanati, MD has built her career around bringing wellness into women’s everyday lives, especially busy moms juggling life and children. She received her undergraduate degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her MD from Case Western Reserve University; she completed her internal medicine residency at Columbia Presbyterian in NYC. She spent ten years in practice at the Columbia Presbyterian’s Women’s Health Center, the Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Women’s Health, and the Cleveland Clinic’s Wellness Institute. In addition to the frequent online writing that she does now, Ricanati has been a guest contributor for television, print, and online media, and has published medical articles in peer-reviewed journals. Ricanati lives in the Los Angeles area with her family and one challah-loving dog. Her book, Braided: A Journey of a Thousand Challahs, can be seen on Amazon.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/BethRicanatiAuthor

Instagram: www.instagram.com/housecallsforwellness

Website: www.housecallsforwellness.com

  CHALLAH SHOW TRANSCRIPT (Computer-Generated)

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health –  with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me, as always, is Vincent M. Wales. And today we will be talking with Dr. Beth Ricanati. Beth, welcome to the show.

Beth Ricanati: Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here.

Gabe Howard: Well, we’re very glad to have you.

Vincent M. Wales: Dr. Ricanati has a book that just came out in September. It is called Braided – A Journey of a Thousand Challahs, and it chronicles her journey of making bread and her quest for wellness and peace. She is a physician and a mother and we are very glad to have her here. Tell us one thing: what the heck is challah?

Beth Ricanati: Challah is a traditional Jewish bread.  Most of us recognize it as a braided bread that we have once a week on Shabbat. It does come in other shapes and sizes as well.

Vincent M. Wales: And what’s one of the defining factors of it, aside from the shape?

Beth Ricanati: The significance of challah is not just that it’s bread. It’s actually got some symbolism and history wrapped up in it. And it has been made for thousands of years.  One of the things that I really like about challah is that it connects me to the past. When I make challah, I am taking a little piece off and saying a blessing, as people do all around the world. And that signifies the offering that was given to the temple thousands and thousands of years ago and I find that really cool.

Vincent M. Wales: And it’s yummy as heck, right?

Beth Ricanati: Is oh it’s so good. Oh my gosh. We love it on Friday night. But leftovers the next day are even better a little challah French toast…

Vincent M. Wales: Yes! Challah French toast is the bomb!

Beth Ricanati: Right?

Gabe Howard: Well, I feel like I’m missing out, because I you are I’ve never had this, so I will add it to my list of things to try. Can you explain to us how is mental health and, you know, a bread – I mean, even steeped in history – how were they related?

Beth Ricanati: Yeah. So, great question and that was the big takeaway that I learned and it’s actually why I wrote the book. So, what I realized… I started making challah about ten years ago when I was totally stressed out and frantic and just trying to do everything and not doing any of it well. And a friend said, gee you should make challah. It was the Jewish New Year. I did and flash forward about five years into the process, and I realized the mental health benefit that I had been so lucky to have achieved and that is when I make challah on Fridays, I stop. I just stop. I’m present, I’m focused, I’m there, and it’s become my mindful meditation, if you will. It’s an opportunity every Friday to hit the pause button and reset and re-ground with my hands and a bowl of flour. It’s been incredible.

Gabe Howard: So in a lot of ways, it’s not so much about the bread making, it’s about the ritual, the routine. There’s something to look forward to.

Beth Ricanati: It’s my mindful ritual. And I care that we all have a mindful ritual. You’re absolutely right, for me, it’s the bread. But it doesn’t have to be, maybe it’s gardening for you. Or maybe it’s salsa dancing, as somebody else’s recently told me. It doesn’t matter what the ritual is, but that you have something that can help to keep you present, keep your focused, keep you mindful, is unbelievable for so many reasons, not the least of which is to help with stress management.

Vincent M. Wales: Can you talk a little bit more about that. I mean, I don’t think a lot of people are as aware about how important meaningful rituals can be to us.

Beth Ricanati: Yes. So we live, as you know, in a crazy, busy, fast-paced world.  And I think many of us, and certainly I had, had lost touch with the importance of having ritual in our lives. We’re running all over the place, we’re trying to do everything and be everywhere. We’re on our devices, etc., and there’s a lot of stress and anxiety floating around. I see it in my practice, I see it in my own life, and having a ritual – something that can help to bring you back – is such a great antidote to all of that stress and anxiety.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that you say about your book is that it sort of chronicles your quest for wellness and peace. Can you tell the listeners what they would get out of the book if they picked it up?

Beth Ricanati: To chronicle not only my journey, but they’re really three themes of the book. There’s the history of challah, which I knew nothing about prior to making challah. So there’s the history piece. And then there’s the food piece, which we can talk about more in a minute, that not only is obviously the recipe, but also the ingredients, and I’m obsessed with food as medicine and I go into great detail about the six ingredients and the importance of them and the quality and I think what we eat really impact our health. But then, the third piece is the sort of Mom and medical piece, and that’s my story and it’s stories of some of my patients and I one of the really lovely takeaways is that there’s some universal themes that I have gleaned and that that people who have read the book so far have told me that they can really identify with this need to just pause and be mindful and whether it’s making challah, as I said, or anything else, it’s the remembrance and the reminding that we’re all in this together.

Vincent M. Wales: I know a lot of people have their own rituals, but I’m not sure that a lot of people’s rituals are what you would call meaningful – sitting in front of the tube every night is a ritual for a lot of people.

Gabe Howard: That’s my favorite ritual.

Vincent M. Wales: I know it is. That’s why I brought it up.

Gabe Howard: Thanks. Thanks, Vin. Just call me right out on the show.

Vincent M. Wales: But you brought it up first.

Gabe Howard: Listen you are right. I mean it is not a meaningful ritual, but it is my ritual. It is what I do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your question, but continue please.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah I mean, well, you know, rituals can do two things. What yours does, Gabe, is it de-stresses you from your day, which is of course a benefit. But then what Beth here is talking about is something of another level entirely. And that’s something that is meaningful, you know, for as she said, there’s a lot of examples. A lot of them are artistic in nature, in fact.

Beth Ricanati: Yes.

Vincent M. Wales: And that’s, you know, as a writer, I dig that.

Gabe Howard: So based on what you just said there, Vin, I would like to pose the question to you, Beth. How do we create a meaningful ritual out of… like you said, I just I’m just living my life, I do need to de-stress, I’m not going to give up the television. But, you’re right. I would like to have something meaningful to look forward to, so what’s the process to create that?

Beth Ricanati: I think the first step is just doing something. It’s that simple, it’s behavioral modification, at the end of the day, really. I think that it’s the act of doing. So for example, I do this every Friday, and it has now become something that I don’t skip. And I rearranged my life to accommodate it. And we know from research, if you do something for a month, you’re more likely to keep doing it. So for example, if you if you walk and you walk for 15 days, if you skip the 16th day, you may or may not walk again on the 17th. But if you walk for a month and you miss a day, you probably get back to it the next day. So, to begin having a ritual in your life, I think you just have to start doing something and then it’s almost it becomes the realization afterwards. I think what stops so many of us is that we actually are looking for that perfect thing. What’s going to be my perfect ritual, in this case. And then we don’t do anything, because perfect is the enemy of the good. And it’s hard to find what the perfect thing is.

Gabe Howard: You are correct. I am fond of saying that perfection is the enemy of progress because we don’t move forward because we’re trying to make it perfect. So, this is a little bit of a weird question, but I want to pose it to you because I think that it is relevant. How do we determine something that is meaningful? I think that, collectively, we can all agree that sitting in front of the television is not meaningful, but and as you said, you know, cooking or… yeah. Speak on that a little bit.

Beth Ricanati: I think it’s personal. So actually, to go back to the TV example for a minute, you know if maybe your ritual is that you’re going to watch West Wing reruns with your child, that could be really meaningful, actually. I think it depend for the individual as opposed to, oh well, we can only say that that it’s meaningful if it’s X or Y. I think we all have our own individual… what resonates, what touches us.

Gabe Howard: We have our own personal motivations for the things that we try.

Beth Ricanati: Right. I mean, like I can’t garden to save my life and I’ve killed every succulent in our house. I mean I can’t keep a plant alive, but my mom is an unbelievable gardener and that’s her thing. And she does it and does it all the time and it’s fantastic. So I think it just depends on us individually.

Vincent M. Wales: It really does. And, for the record, I can’t keep plants alive, either.

Beth Ricanati: I’m feeling a little better.

Gabe Howard: Hold that thought for just one moment. We’re going to take a break to hear from our sponsor.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back, everyone. We’re here talking with Beth Ricanati about challah and meaningful ritual. So, one of the things that you had mentioned before is that you view food as medicine. And I know that is a very common thing. But I’d like to hear your twist on that.

Beth Ricanati: Yes. So I think that, and I’ve come to see particularly through my medical work, that the foods that we eat have an incredible ability to promote disease, prevent disease, and treat disease. So for example, turmeric is a hot one right now. It’s a spice that has been shown again and again and again to be anti-inflammatory. I think that’s incredible. Or another example, let’s take broccoli. We know that there’s a substance in broccoli that can turn on and off genes in your body that can promote and/or inhibit cancer. That’s incredible to me that the food that we eat can have this ability to keep it healthy. Or take mental health, for example. If you eat a lot of processed and packaged food, as opposed to foods that are rich in Omega 3s and fresh fruits and vegetables that are loaded with phytonutrients, you’re going to feel a whole lot different if you’re eating, you know, the Doritos versus a piece of salmon. I think that’s just awesome.

Gabe Howard: Let’s not go attacking Doritos.

Beth Ricanati: No, you’re right.

Gabe Howard: No, no, I’m kidding, it’s one of my favorite foods.

Vincent M. Wales: I’m gonna go take the salmon out of my freezer.

Gabe Howard: I don’t like salmon at all. But I completely understand your point, because people talk a lot about how eating fried foods or a lot of cake or donuts, etc. is bad for you, but nobody talks about eating healthy can be good for you. And by nobody I just mean like general conversations, everybody is really quick to smack the donut out of my hand, but nobody is quick to put a salad in my hand. And that’s really kind of your point, right? If you ate better, you’d feel better. And that’s powerful.

Beth Ricanati: It’s super powerful. I see it at work, I see it in our home. It’s incredible. And I see it, honestly, when I make challah. So the ingredients are the same. The recipe that I was given 10 years ago is the recipe that I used just this morning when I made challah and the six ingredients are the same. However, the quality of the ingredients has gone up substantially, as I’ve learned more and more. So take the egg, for example, that that I use in my challah. I used to just buy whatever egg was at the grocery store and I didn’t know that there was a difference. But now, I know that there’s a big difference, and you can go yourself and do this experiment that I’ve done it with my kids, it’s kind of fun. Just go by whatever random egg you want at the grocery store and then buy the organic, cage free, pasture raised, etc. egg, crack them open in two dishes next to each other, and one will have that pale, anemic looking yellow yolk and the other will be this vibrant, almost saffron golden color. Don’t you want that and all those nutrients? I certainly do. So I’ve changed –

Vincent M. Wales: Yes please.

Beth Ricanati: Right? It’s incredible. So I’ve changed, not the ingredients themselves, though the eggs, the flour, or the sugar, etc., but I’ve changed which ones I use, because I don’t want to put bad food… I can just as easily put good food in my body as bad food. And now, luckily, there’s so many more choices that it’s a lot easier to do that.

Vincent M. Wales: Right, and we out here in California are pretty privileged to have so many farmers markets.

Beth Ricanati: Yeah.

Vincent M. Wales: Having grown up back east and in a tiny little town, I grew up eating canned vegetables more than anything else and that’s… that’s a far cry from what we’ve got here right now.

Beth Ricanati: Yes.

Gabe Howard: I’m in Ohio, so thanks for rubbing it in, you too. I really appreciate it.

Vincent M. Wales: Yeah, yeah… anytime.

Gabe Howard: To segue for a moment, and in your own words, do you believe that society in general has just… we’re just devoid of meaning in our lives, that we just get up, go to work, make dinner, pay our bills, go to sleep, repeat. Do you think we’re lacking as a culture things that make us special as individuals? Are we just like collective drones that are designed to work?

Beth Ricanati: No, no no. I just do think that it’s gotten a lot harder. I think individually were remarkable. And I just think, because – for so many reasons, but not the least of which, social media – I think it’s gotten a lot harder to hit the pause button and really stop and reflect and figure out what our individual meaning and purpose is. But no, I think we’re still all pretty unique and special.

Vincent M. Wales: Wow. Sometimes I don’t feel that way, though.

Gabe Howard: Well but I think that’s the point. I really… you’re right. Isn’t that kind of the point of your book, that we all are unique and special and powerful and available for greatness, but at the end of the day, we’re all staring at our phones and on social media and we’re not doing these things that connect us to our past and that create traditions for our future. And for those of us that have children.. you know, what if we don’t create traditions for the future? You have this – you have challah bread. But what is the next generation going to have if you don’t have it, because they won’t be able to go back. They don’t know great great grandma now.

Beth Ricanati: No. And that is very important, you’re absolutely right, to continue this. It’s been really fun, by the way, since the book has come out, to hear from leaders about how this is reminding them of their grandmother who used to bake or something in their heritage. You’re absolutely right about some of these traditions.

Vincent M. Wales: I think that’s great that you’re getting that kind of feedback and you’re having a… Even today, after we’re done with recording this show, you are having a book release party.

Beth Ricanati: I am! It’s so exciting, at our local independent bookstore. I’m thrilled, just thrilled.

Vincent M. Wales: Well I hope that goes well for you and please let us know because it sounds like a blast. Are you serving challah?

Beth Ricanati: Absolutely! I just made eight, this morning. You can’t come to a book launch about a book about challah and not have challah.

Vincent M. Wales: Exactly.

Beth Ricanati: I mean right?

Gabe Howard: The thing that I think is incredible and all of this is that there’s still a bookstore. In Ohio, they’re pretty much wiped out, with the exception of the college bookstores that are on campus that largely stock, obviously, the college textbooks… they’re… these things are gone. And that’s to your point. There’s another thing that we don’t have. I remember, not to age myself, but in the 80s, I got up really really early, like 2:00 a.m., to stand in line so that Stephen King could sign my book.

Beth Ricanati: Wow.

Gabe Howard: And stood outside a bookstore and waited. This bookstore is gone. They’re all gone. This is something that I won’t be able to pass on to the next generation because… I guess I can stand in line for the iPhone. That’s kind of the same, right? But, yeah. All joking aside, these are things that don’t exist anymore. As the world has become more convenient, we’ve sort of lost out on those things. I remember Vin telling me about friends of his that, you know, camped outside to buy tickets for things and nobody camps outside to buy tickets for things, we just sit in front of our computer and keep hitting refresh. So these things are slowly disappearing, which means, to your point, we need to work harder to find these traditions. Is that, is that really the takeaway?

Beth Ricanati: Well, first we have to even realize, to your point, that we may not have it in our lives and therefore, it would behoove us to figure out something to choose to have some meaning in our lives. And what’s so great about it is that you’ll feel better for it. And that was one of my big a-has. I felt better for doing this. It’s not why I started, by the way, but I realized and kept doing it because that’s how I feel when I make it. It’s really fantastic.

Vincent M. Wales: Do you find that, when you’re in the act of preparing the challah, that time just goes really really fast? You’re done before you know it?

Beth Ricanati: Well, yes and no. And what I mean by that is yes, because I get into a zone and it just, you’re right, it’s like I’m done before I started. But on the other hand, when I’m actually in the moment and I’m kneading the dough, then no, it almost is like time stopped. Yeah. When I’m actually deep in the dough, with that one moment, it’s really fantastic because I have to be there. I’m not making it in a KitchenAid or some kind of mix; I’m doing it by hand. And it’s messy. And that’s fantastic, because when in my normal life do I stop and get messy? I really don’t. So this is, this is fantastic. But you’re right, then it’s over all too fast and I’m waiting for the next Friday.

Vincent M. Wales: Right. So can you tell me, from a strictly mental health aspect, how does it help you? What… how can you compare how you feel before you make your challah to afterward?

Beth Ricanati: Yes, I feel calmer. I feel… it calms me down and I feel more focused. I tend to have a running list in my head all the time. There’s always something to do and I’m not good at turning that off. And, it gets harder to turn that off normally because of the phone and computers, etc. But when I have this ritual every Friday, I’m able to turn it off and I love that feeling. And what’s nice is I can then recall that feeling, because once you have something like this in your life and you’re aware of the benefit of it, you can remember how you feel and you can recall that then at other times. And that’s really powerful.

Vincent M. Wales: Now, when we were corresponding via email, I think one of the things that you said was that even when you travel…

Beth Ricanati: Yes. I try and make this… I really do try and make this every Friday. Occasionally, I don’t, but when I travel as well, I do try and make it. So for example, when I go I’ll be back in Ohio, actually, for Thanksgiving, and I’ll make it that week and I’ve already discussed with our extended family that I’ll need to do that that Friday. And when we’re away later on in the year, I will as well, make it when I’m traveling. Obviously, I can’t always do that when I’m traveling, but if I can get access to a kitchen, I do, because it’s part of my life, now. It’s what I do on Fridays.

Vincent M. Wales: And if you were unable to do that for say a month or two?

Beth Ricanati: Well, she might lose it, it might go away. It would… Right? I don’t think you’d skip it for a month or two. It’s that important.

Beth Ricanati: I want to know I don’t either. Yeah I’ve skipped it for two weeks in a row and that has not been fun. But I learned that there should be an 11th commandment, and the 11th commandment is that thou shall always have a frozen challah in the freezer for these emergencies when you can pull it out, because once in a blue moon, I need that frozen challah if I can’t actually make it that Friday. Doesn’t happen often, thank goodness, but once in a while…

Gabe Howard: That is very cool. All right. So I’m assuming that we can find the book on Amazon. Do you have a Web site that we can go to? Give us give us the details.

Beth Ricanati: I do. I do. So yes, it’s definitely on Amazon and you know where books are sold. And my Web site is https://ift.tt/1OKioHN. And I also have an Instagram with the same handle and I post a tip or prescription, if you will, every morning and that’s at Instagram and housecallsforwellness.

Gabe Howard: Housecallsforwellness.com is where you can go. Thank you so much for being here. We really enjoyed having you.

Beth Ricanati: Thank you.

Gabe Howard: You’re very welcome and thank you everyone for tuning in. And remember you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counseling, anytime, anywhere by visiting betterhelp.com/psychcentral. We’ll see everybody next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email talkback@psychcentral.com.

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

    Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

      from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2EktKUc via theshiningmind.com

[milk-shy]

uhhhh i spent half the summer crawling out of bed at 9:30am with constant low-grade nausea & a never-ending period and some  e x t r e m e  self hatred and vague nihilistic depression and now all of a sudden i’m a finalist wtf can i cancel this timeline thx 

anyway i want to feel a bit better about this so here’s a list of things that i did do this summer

went to italy !! ate the hell out of that gelato !!

worked at a charity for 7 weeks-- 50% being bored out of my mind & cursing office jobs to the skies, 50% feeling incredibly humbled by the persistence and habitual courage and astonishing grace of the women who work there

got nexplanon, 2/10 would not recommend

spent 2 months alone in a flat, jumping out of my skin at every footstep, listening to football hooligans / overexcited summer school kids screaming down the street

went to cambridge it was sik, best part was wandering through kings x on the way back though, fuck i love big tube stations 

had £50 stolen from my bank account lmao 

got a root canal, would rate it higher than nexplanon

stayed in a cabin in kaukapakapa for a weekend, found out there are deer in new zealand ??

baked various breads & confections-- ok my successful challah may have been 90% beginner’s luck but oh my what a glorious challah it was

acquired a kaweco sport & some diamine inks

other significant objects: mum’s new car, the necklace i bought at the heathrow accessorize, gold headphones, a denim dungaree dress, a michael kors bag, a sheep plushie

watched -- in descending order of enjoyment -- (a LOT of) the layover, some john mulaney, gavin & stacey, love actually, GLOW, 40 year old virgin, the first 10 minutes of blue jasmine.  rewatched: spotlight, fury road, 2005 p&p.

read books, lots of books.  productivity has been one huge decline since july though

listened to loTS of david bowie.  honourable mentions also to ezra furman and jo stafford (lmao what a combination)

[newstfionline]

Daily Life in Jerusalem? ‘Difficult’ and ‘Intense’ for Arab and Jew

By David M. Halbfinger, NY Times, Dec. 9, 2017

JERUSALEM--This is a tense city on a good day.

You feel it behind the wheel: The traffic signals turn red and yellow to alert a coming green. Hesitate a half-second before accelerating? A honking horn. Schoolgirls gesture at motorists as they step into a crosswalk, fingertips bunched and faces scowling: Will you wait, or what?

You see it in the crowding: Overstuffed apartments spilling onto one another, in teeming Palestinian neighborhoods, and in ghetto-like ultra-Orthodox enclaves, a few blocks apart on either side of the Green Line, the pre-1967 boundary with the West Bank.

You hear it in the way people talk--“The Arabs,” “The Jews”--about people with whom they have been sentenced to share a tiny patch of soil atop a ridge with no strategic value, over which the world has been battling for thousands of years, and negotiating on and off for decades, with no end in sight.

The world knows Jerusalem by the Old City and its Golden Dome, its ancient wall from the time of Herod, its Holy Sepulcher, its rough-hewed stones flattered by brilliant sunlight.

But Jerusalem is not just its postcard vistas. A pilgrimage is not the same as living here. The day-in, day-out friction can be draining. And when the conflict bubbles up, even natives can question why they persist.

“We all believe there’s something sacred in this city, but it’s too difficult,” said Tomer Aser, 35, who lives in Beit Hanina, in East Jerusalem. “You feel like you’re living in jail here. The people are so tense. And you feel yourself separated: You have to be with either the Israeli community or the Arab community. There’s no difference--we’re one country--but it’s Israeli Arabs, or Palestinians, or Israeli Jews.”

For Jerusalemites, stress is something to learn to live with. It builds up, day by day, culminating in the release and rest of the Sabbath--a one-day weekend that religious Jews build their lives around, and secular Jews and Arabs make the most of.

And the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, too, builds up a longer-term pressure, one that periodically threatens to burst out in episodes of violence.

With President Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital roiling the West Bank and Gaza, the city was braced for its most serious flare-up in months, if not years. But no one was sure how bad it would get.

A ride on the Jerusalem Light Rail on Friday morning gave a taste of what that uncertainty can feel like.

The Red Line--the city’s only line, so far--begins in West Jerusalem at Mount Herzl, a monument to Israel’s origins, home of Yad Vashem and of Israel’s national and military cemeteries.

It runs all the way to the Arab East Jerusalem neighborhoods of Shuafat and Beit Hanina before ending in bustling Pisgat Ze’ev, one of several Jewish settlements built to encircle East Jerusalem on territory seized in 1967.

The light rail is a leveler, a modern convenience and conveyance, with efficient service, pleasant views--and visible security. A British student was stabbed to death on the line in April.

The line is not used by Arabs nearly as much as by Jews. After a Shuafat teenager was kidnapped near a light-rail station, tortured and killed by a group of Israelis in 2014, Palestinian protesters attacked the transit line as a symbol of the Israeli occupation.

On Friday morning, religious Jews prayed as they rode, two girls in school uniforms giggled, and an older Arab man clutched two bags of groceries and stared straight ahead.

“Nobody really wants to hate each other,” said Jane Aharon, a property manager originally from Seattle, who moved to Israel in 2003 and to Jerusalem in 2009. “But it’s intense.”

She added: “Things can happen around you.”

Intensity is not always bad. The light rail wends its way down Jaffa Street past the Mahane Yehuda market, where Friday mornings are helter-skelter with shoppers battling for challah and olives, for fresh fish and pomegranate seeds, all on deadline: The stores will close in a few hours, most of them until Sunday.

Shlomo Fitusi, a welder, 69, slowly makes his way through the thicket of shoppers on a bicycle, with kosher wine hanging from the handlebars in a bag.

He is a member of Chabad Lubavitch, a Hasidic sect, who lives near the Old City, and says he rises at 3 every morning and makes his way to the Western Wall by 4. He lived in France for a time but returned 14 years ago. “There’s nothing to do abroad,” he said. He added, with messianic fervor: “And soon Jerusalem will be the capital of the whole world.”

While this pride in the city is common, scratch the surface of nearly any Jerusalemite, and grievances will come pouring out.

The rail line makes a few more curves and reaches the Damascus Gate station, where in a parking lot for buses, Jamil Rajbi, 54, a driver, finishes praying and rolls up his fringed mat.

He lives in Silwan, an Arab neighborhood in East Jerusalem where Jewish settlers have begun buying up homes. One moved in next door. People throw rocks at the settlers’ cars, but the rocks now bounce off protective nets and onto Mr. Rajbi’s cars.

He said his community wanted to buy the house back and turn it into a kindergarten, but the new residents have refused to sell. “They drive us crazy,” he said.

At Damascus Gate, a phalanx of cameras are waiting to see what will happen when Muslims emerge from noontime prayers at Al Aqsa Mosque, in the sacred compound known to Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary and to Jews as the Temple Mount.

Inside the Old City, the Arab market is just as lively and cacophonous as the Jewish one, with vendors yelling to be heard about their strawberries, smartphone covers and sweatshirts. Prayers have ended, and a sea of people stream out. Their faces are upbeat.

Nabil al-Hejerasi, 65, says the message from the clerics was “to be patient, not to worry what other people say. The truth will come one day.”

An importer, Mr. Hejerasi lived in Minnesota for many years, but moved back to Jerusalem a decade ago. “Everybody loves home,” he said, adding that he cannot imagine being buried anywhere else. “You want to die at home.”

But he said it was not easy being back. “People are stubborn,” he said. “They don’t travel much, and their brain is working in one way. They only see close to their nose. Life is tough here for both sides, until peace comes.”

Down an alley leading farther into the Muslim Quarter, a noise wells up. Jewish settlers on a rooftop have thrown eggs at the Arabs below.

Suddenly a stampede: Three Israeli border police officers in riot helmets sprint by, chasing someone. A moment later the chase is ended. As the officers catch their breath, a woman curses them in Arabic; one of the officers returns the slur, adding, “Move along.”

But strife does not exist only between Jews and Arabs in Jerusalem.

Back on the light rail, Rina Pure, who grew up in Acre, on the Israeli coast, said she bought her apartment in the French Hill neighborhood of Jerusalem years ago, “but now half the people are religious,” and it was getting to be too much for her to stay. She plans to join her daughter in Tel Aviv--one more in an exodus of secular Jews from the Holy City since the 1980s.

Ms. Pure said she still loved the city, speaking of it in the feminine, as in the sacred Jewish texts: “She’s beautiful. I love the atmosphere, the inspiration, the architecture. She’s unique. She’s the only one. She’s interesting. The people are good,” she said. “But I’m tired of it.”

It is well into the afternoon now, and the trains have stopped running in advance of the Sabbath. A taxi will have to suffice for the return trip.

“I’ve been driving for 18 years,” says Muhammad Ziada, 39. He says he has many Jewish friends, goes to their weddings, attends their relatives’ funerals, as they do for his.

“But there’s a big religion problem in Jerusalem,” he said. “It’s a city of racism. Once there’s a little bit of balagan”--chaos--“between Jews and Arabs, Jews won’t go in my taxi, and Arabs won’t go to the mall. And if I go into a religious neighborhood and they find out I’m Arab, they’ll stone my car.”

Mr. Ziada drives past a vacant property he says his family owns, but where he says the Israeli authorities have barred him from building. He refuses to sell.

“There will never be peace here,” Mr. Ziada says. But he does not lay blame. “If they take all the Arabs away, the Jews would eat each other. And the same thing with us.”