#what's not okay is claiming you're somehow a better person because the person you root for has 'better values' or whatever lmao

[il-predestinato]

just curious but why are you not a Daniel fan? like what urks you about him?

Absolutely everything about him irks me. His existence, mainly.

I do think we need to bring back the underrated concept that sometimes there are celebrities/athletes that we 1) do not like, 2) will never like, and 3) that's completely okay.

[heartateasee]

“Six”

Word Count: 7.4k

(The final chapter of ‘Goodnight and Go’)

⋆★★⋆

*Night before the wedding*

I'm currently laying on top of my bed at the hotel I've just checked into. Gwen wanted the bridal party to stay in a hotel close to the venue the night prior to the wedding. She said it was so we would all be here and leave together to head to the venue tomorrow morning to get ready with hair and makeup - there would be no chance of anyone running late. I tried to tell her that I would be here on time since I only lived a few blocks away, but she wasn't having it. Of course, I gave in.

My hands rest on my stomach as I pick at one of my cuticles, chewing on the inside on my cheek. I had so many emotions flowing through me that I didn't really know what to feel. It's like instead of letting myself focus on one of them and bring it forward, I was just trying my best to push them all away.

Harry avoided looking at me at dinner after I told everyone I was moving, and I know it's because he's upset that I didn't tell him.

And I hate how good it kind of felt to keep something from him for once.

He kept asking my sister out on a date from me. He kept him planning to propose to my sister away from me. He kept buying a house with my sister away from me.

I was coming to the realization that he only hid the big things between him and Gwen under wraps - the milestones. As much as I wanted to get to the root of why that was, I knew it was better if I didn't dwell on it. I'm sure underneath everything it has something to do with his previous feelings for me. Maybe he feels the need to keep things really separated in that aspect.

I'm drawn out of my thoughts when I hear a knock at my door, and I sit up on my elbows - looking over to it. I wait a moment before it comes again. I push myself off the bed, thanking myself for not changing out of what I was wearing from the rehearsal dinner yet, and I open the door to reveal my mother.

"Mom, is everything okay?" I ask, and she just looks at me before making her way instead. I roll my eyes and close the door behind her before muttering under my breath. "Sure, just come right in."

Turning around, I see she walks over to the table that's in the corner of the room with a chair and she sits down. "Please take a seat on the bed, Carter."

The tone she's using has a knot forming in my stomach, but I swallow down my anxiety as best as I can. I do as I'm told, and I make sure to hold her eyes so she doesn't reprimand me any further.

"Do you want to explain to me why all of a sudden you're moving, and why you felt it was appropriate to announce that at your sister's rehearsal dinner?"

"Oh, well, I didn't think that-"

"Well of course you didn't think. I believe we've already established that with how you carried out your actions. The night before your sister's big day, a night that's supposed to have the focus on her, and you somehow go and make it about yourself again," my mother shakes her head before letting out a heavy sigh. "You had been doing so well for a while, and it's like after Harry's bachelor party you started begging for attention again."

I grimace slightly at her words. "My intention was never to have the attention on me tonight, and I can promise you that. I just figured that we had everyone in one place. I thought that it would be easier just to tell you all then instead of having to tell each person individually. Gwen tried making it a bigger deal than it was. But you also focused the attention on me when you asked me where Alfie was. You could've pulled me aside and done that separately."

My mother glares at me from her seat, and I have to force myself not to shift uncomfortably under her gaze. For once throughout the whole ordeal of wedding planning, I want to hold my own against her.

"And you want to say I'm selfish," I continue after a moment, moving to sit up straighter. "But don't you think I'm actually selfless? If I were truly selfish like you wish to claim I am, I would've told Harry how I felt a long time ago. I wouldn't have cared about Gwen's feelings, or ruining their relationship. So no, I'm not selfish."

"I called you selfish because you continue to treat your friendship with Harry like you always have when you know you're trying to hang onto it for deeper reasons," she snaps. I curl my fingers into the skirt of the dress I'm wearing to keep myself grounded. "That is selfish, Carter. That's selfish when it comes to Harry, but most importantly, Gwen.

"I still don't know what I saw outside during the engagement party that night, and you don't understand the guilt that I hold for not telling Gwen about it, but I'd like to believe that Harry wouldn't do that to her. You on the other hand, I'm not so sure about. The fact that you asked him to stay at your place after his bachelor party tells me all that I need to know. I know what your intentions were with him that night, and it's disgusting. You hoped that by getting him alone with just the two of you that you could finally make your move. When Gwen told me he stayed with you, I was sick over it. Harry assured her that nothing happened, and I believe him, but your hopes of what could've happened still stand."

Part of me wants to scream at her. I want to just tell her that something did happen between us, and that Harry was just as much a part of it as me - that it would've kept going had he had not fucked it up. I want to tell her that Harry admitted that he had feelings for me at one point, so this whole thing wasn't just one sided. This isn't all on me like her and Gwen want it to be so desperately to be.

"You saw nothing the night of the engagement party - nothing along the lines of what you think. You saw two best friends terrified of the change that they knew was coming, and how they didn't want to lose each other. Things have changed since that night, and I no longer feel that way," tears begin to burn in my eyes, but my voice remains steady. "I've already talked to Harry, and I told it would be best if we truly do start to separate ourselves from each other. I'll come over and hang out with him and Gwen at the house, and I'll see them at holidays, but outside of that, we will no longer communicate in the way that way used to.

"My reason for having him stay at my place after his bachelor party was to make sure that he didn't pay a ridiculous amount of money for an Uber. His intention was to stay for a while until the prices died down, but he ended up falling asleep on the couch. I got him settled and then I slept in my own bed. Alone. I was looking out for my friend. Besides, Gwen already made a comment about it, and she told me she was happy I stopped him from paying the price of the Uber. This whole situation has already been settled with the person it needed to be settled with. That person is not you."

My mother keeps her eyes on me as she pushes herself out of her chair and walks over to me. I can't help but cower away a bit, a little unsure of what she could do now that she was standing in front of me like this. She's never been one to put her hands on me, but I've also never mouthed off at her the way that I have tonight.

"I'm warning you right now, Carter. If you do anything, and I mean anything, to compromise your sister's day tomorrow - your place in this family may end up looking a little different."

I keep my eyes on her back as she walks out of the room, and I blink - sending the tears that had been threatening this whole time down my cheeks. Trying to keep my breathing steady, I form my lips into an 'o' shape and breathe out slowly before taking in a deep breath through my nose. I cup the end of the bed in my hands, and I close my eyes. I move my neck from side to side to try to work the tension out from being so stiff with her here, and I know the only thing that can really help me right now is a hot shower.

Pushing myself up from the bed, I open up the duffel bag that I had sitting next to me on the surface and pull out my pajamas. I also grab my bag of toiletries before heading into the bathroom, and I immediately start the shower and turn it on the hottest temperature. I redo the lock to my main door since I had undone it before I step back into the bathroom and strip myself of my clothing.

Once I'm under the stream of water, I let it run over my face and my hair. I lift my hands to smooth them over the top of my hair before I begin to wash it, and thankfully, I'm already feeling a bit lighter in my chest. Showers are always something that have calmed me down in the past. Something about the water washing over you kind of feels like you're washing away the things that may be troubled, or stressed you out during the day.

Unfortunately, my mind continues to wander back to Harry and Gwen, and I wonder if my mom was in her room with her right now - telling her about the conversation we had. I knew Harry had gone home to their house for the night, and he wouldn't be seeing her again until tomorrow at the wedding. It sucks that my instinct is to want to call him.

In the past, he was that comfort I would look for after a hard day in class, or if I dealt with a shitty client at work. He was always the best at cheering me up, and bringing me back around. That's something that had fallen off within these last few years, and I've come to the conclusion that it's started to weigh on my mental health. He was always an outlet for me, an outlet that was then stripped away almost unexpectedly, and I found myself lost as to who I could confide in.

Of course I had Kieran, her and I are still extremely close, but with Harry being the one I saw almost every day while in college, I had gotten so used to him being the one for me to go to. It had just become a constant for me.

Once I finish in the shower, I step out and dry myself off. I slowly make my way through my skin care, trying to hold onto my self-care for as long as possible to help soothe me, and then I head back to the bed. I lay down, and I eye my dress that's hanging in the small closet in the room.

The last thing I want to do is have to wear that dress tomorrow. I plan on donating it right after the wedding is over. I need to so that I don't have it around to serve as a permanent reminder of the day.

I slip my eyes shut, and I try to get my mind to shut off. I know I need as much rest as possible to get through the day tomorrow, but just like the night of their engagement, I know that sleep won't come easily to me.

⋆★★⋆

"Where the fuck is Carter?" I can hear Gwen as I open the door to one of the larger suites at the hotel that my parents had booked for her last night, and then her and Harry would be returning here tonight after the wedding.

We were all meeting in here, and then we were going to head to the venue to start getting ready. At the venue they had a bridal suite and groom suite for both Gwen and Harry to have their space to get ready, and off of those were larger suites for the parties to get ready in as well. I knew that Gwen would be spending most of her time in the bridal party suite with us for hair and makeup, but I knew that once it came time to get her into her dress, she would be in the bridal suite by herself.

It surprised me when we were reviewing the details over the phone recently. I thought for sure she'd haul herself away in the bridal suite all day to really see this 'bridezilla' thing through, but she said she wanted to spend as much time with all of us as she could.

The good thing about the bridal and groom suites is that they were on complete opposite ends of the venue. There was no risk of Harry and Gwen running into each other before it was time.

I step further into the room to see all of the bridesmaids and my mother standing with Gwen, and when she catches sight of me she lets out a large huff.

"There you are. What about we're meeting at nine o'clock did you not understand? It's now 15 minutes past."

"I-I'm sorry," I clear my throat, as I adjust my garment bag that I was carrying with my bridesmaid dress in it. "I didn't sleep well last night, and I ended up sleeping through my first alarm."

Rolling her eyes, she looks over to my mother, and they share a look before Gwen continues. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Let's all head downstairs so we can all head to the venue."

There was a bus that would be shuttling us to the venue this morning, and then that same bus would be shuttling not only us back, but also other wedding guests tonight after the wedding was over.

As we step onto the bus, Gwen sits next to my mother, and then the other bridesmaid pair up - leaving me to sit by myself. It didn't really bother me considering I didn't really make an effort to get to know any of them. Most of them were bougie friends that Gwen had met while in college, so I really didn't care to fit in. All of their friendships seem extremely superficial.

I dig through my bag and pull out my headphones, popping them into my ears to listen to some music as the bus starts off towards the venue.

My stomach has been in knots all morning, and I've been up since seven. I just stared at the ceiling while every single thought of how today was going to go rushed through my head. There's a big part of me that's hoping the conversation that Harry had with me a few weeks ago made him start to rethink the wedding, but I know that's a low possibility. I have to remind myself that if that were the case, he would've probably called it all off already instead of dragging it out to the actual day.

Not talking to him at the rehearsal dinner last night was difficult, but he didn't make the effort to speak to me, so I wasn't going to go out of my way to do it either. We had agreed on space.

This was space.

I fiddle with the zipper on my garment bag as we continue down the road, and I feel my phone vibrate. Pulling it out of the pocket of the jacket I had on, I see that it's text from Kieran. She was just checking up on me, and seeing how I was doing. I hadn't told her about Harry's confession. That wasn't something for me to tell her, as they weren't my feelings to share. I also have a strong intuition that if I were to tell her, she would become even more adamant about me doing the same with him.

Oddly enough, the first thought that popped into my head this morning when my eyes opened was to tell him - to come clean about everything. It had been tugging at my heart, and chipping away at my brain since then. I know that doing it on a day like today would be such a selfish thing to do. That's the only thing that's stopping me from doing so. In reality, that wouldn't be fair for me to spring it on Harry today.

I respond to Kieran and I tell her that I'm dealing. It isn't a lie considering that's all I really can do.

It's only a few more minutes until we're at the venue, and we all shuffle out and head inside. All the bridesmaids hang up their dresses on the rack they have in there, and it looks like my mother had arranged for a breakfast spread to be catered for all of us. Gwen says that we have thirty minutes until the makeup artist arrives, so we have plenty of time to eat.

As much as I don't have an appetite, I know that I need to put something in my system. I decide on half a bagel with cream cheese along with some mixed fruit and a small bowl of oatmeal.

The conversation around me carries as we all sit down at the table that was in here to start eating, and I remain quiet - just listening. I can feel eyes on me, and I look up to see my mother staring at me. She raises her eyebrows, as if she's asking me to be present, but I have nothing to contribute to the conversation that's happening.

They're all talking about things that I have no interest in. I don't even know where I could begin to contribute to anything.

"Carter," I hear Gwen say my name as I pull a bite of oatmeal off my spoon. I look over to hear, and she tilts her head to the side. "Are you ready for your speech?"

Shit.

In the midst of everything, I hadn't even thought about the fact that I would be required to give a speech at the wedding. I reach forward to take a sip of my water - stalling a bit of time before answering. "Yeah, I think so. I didn't bring it on paper or anything, and I'd rather not hold my phone while reciting it, so I just hope I-"

"You didn't write one, did you?" Gwen's mouth turns into a scowl, and I shift under her gaze.

I can see that everyone in the room is now looking at me. "And if I didn't?"

A few seconds pass before a laugh leaves Gwen, and she shakes her head. "I should've known."

I want to tell her that I probably wouldn't have had anything nice to say anyway, but I swallow that down.

The rest of breakfast continues with her talking to her bridesmaids, and eventually the makeup artist enters the room. She asks Gwen if she wants the makeup done a certain way, or if she's leaving it up to the bridesmaids, and Gwen says she's leaving it up to us.

"Okay, does anyone want something simple and subtle? Like natural looking makeup?" The artist asks, and I speak up.

"I do, yeah. Just something light."

"Yeah, of course. I'll go ahead and get you done first since you'll be quick," she sends me a smile as I stand up from the dining chair I was still sitting in, and I sit down in the chair in front of the vanity in the room.

Before she starts on the makeup, she begins to wipe down my face to cleanse it, and she introduces herself as Shay.

As she goes along she asks if I'm okay with waterproof makeup, which I agree to, and I'm silently thankful for. I knew that I'd probably end up shedding a lot of tears today, but for different reasons than everyone else. Shay ends up being really sweet, and she only asks me a few questions about the wedding before she moves onto asking me about what I do.

"Oh, you do tattoos?" Shay gasps after she complimented a few of mine, and I told her about how I was just getting on my feet with doing my own work.

I smile, and nod as she moves away to grab another product for my face. "Yeah, it's been really great."

"That's amazing, good for you! Are you local?"

"Well, I'm actually moving a couple of cities over next week," I tell her as I close my eyes to have her continue my eyeshadow. "But it's only a couple of hours away."

"I'd love to get your information before I leave, if that's okay. I don't mind having to travel," she states, and my smile widens.

"Yeah, of course. I'll have you follow me on my socials, and then you can reach out to me whenever you want to book."

Shay and I talk a bit more, and soon she finishes up my makeup completely. I get up from the chair, and I can see the mimosas have been poured. I walk over and grab one from the table as the next girl sits down to have her makeup done.

"When is the hairdresser going to be here?" I ask, looking over to Gwen.

"In the next hour," she tells me, but she's quick to start speaking to another one of the bridesmaids.

I nod before I sit down in one of the lounge chairs in the room after grabbing my phone from the dining table. Kieran and I text back and forth for a while, and I honestly don't mind that I'm secluded from everyone else. I once again get my headphones out so that I can listen to music. I plan on just drowning everyone out until it's my turn to get my hair done.

⋆★★⋆

Standing in my dress, I look in one of the many full length mirrors in this room. I have my nude heels on that give me a bit of height, and I turn around to get a look of myself from the back as well. My hair is loosely curled which has it trickling down my back.

I can't remember a time where I've looked so done up since college. I smile softly at myself, and as I begin to make my way towards the main area of the room, I can hear Gwen speaking softly with some of her bridesmaids behind a half-wall.

"I don't even know why I asked her to be my maid of honor," I hear Gwen groan. "My parents pretty much said that I needed to, but I can tell my mom regrets that now. She's just as sick of her as I am. When we were kids, we got along so well, but ever since she went to college, Carter has been so insufferable."

I stop walking, and I hide myself behind the wall so I can continue listening without being detected.

"God, Gwen, I'm sorry you have to deal with her," I hear one of the girls say, and I immediately can tell it's one of the girls from the bathroom at the engagement party. "And like...Bridgette and I didn't want to say anything, but the way she is with Harry is concerning."

"Don't even start with that," Gwen huffs, and I feel my stomach clench. "I found photobooth pictures from his bachelor party that they took together, and she's all over him. You can tell he's so uncomfortable, but he was just going along with it."

My lips part, and I clamp my hand over my mouth to keep myself from audibly gasping out. She was lying to them. I knew how those pictures turned out, I had copies of my own, and Harry and I looked overjoyed to be with each other.

"Why does he let her do that though?" Another girl speaks up. "I don't understand."

"They've been friends for years, you guys," Gwen continues. "I...I can't really fault him for still tolerating her. He doesn't really say anything negative about her or anything, but I think that they've both realized that they're not the friends they used to be. It's been quiet between the two of them these past few weeks."

Before the conversation can continue, I hear the main door to the suite open. "Gwen, we're ready for you to get into your dress in the bridal suite."

I can hear all the girls shrieking and giggling with excitement, and I wait until the door shuts again before I step out from behind the wall.

My sister's words didn't make me sad, and they didn't hurt me. I think that's actually the sad part of it all. I expect these things from her now.

But even though her words didn't make me sad, they did make me angry. They've ignited something that I've never felt before, and I think it's now or never after she's tried to paint me as someone who's holding onto unreciprocated feelings. Harry still sees me as his best friend, regardless of what's happened lately, and I know that for sure.

I need to tell him.

The bridesmaids are more than distracted with themselves, not extending any type of invitation to include me as they drink their champagne, and gawk over each other's hair and makeup - all while Gwen takes some bridal portraits outside.

Now was the time that I knew I could sneak away.

With my heart thumping against my chest, I make my way to the groom's suite of the venue - my hands trembling. I know this is something that I need to do. If I don't do this now, I'll never have another opportunity, and I know that I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I'd rather know the outcome than deal with the 'what if' of it all forever..

I raise my fist and knock on the door, immediately looking down at my feet. I hear muffled shuffling, and a curse word or two when it sounds like he stumbles, before the door opens.

Swallowing harshly, I continue to look at my feet - not knowing how I'm going to be able to look at him. It's not until I feel the brush of Harry's fingertips along the outside of my arm that I realize I'm actually about to do this.

"Carter," the corners of my lips immediately twitch down at the sound of my name leaving him. "What's wrong? Do you want to come in?"

I will myself to look up, and I allow my eyes to take him in. His chestnut curls are styled perfectly, and he's wearing a pair of dark blue trousers with an almost sky blue dress shirt on top. The points of the collar are more exaggerated than usual, and I know they're meant to hang over the lapels of his jacket once he puts it on.

I should've known that Harry would go non-traditional with his wedding suit. I'm just surprised that Gwen let him.

I give him a small nod, and Harry drops his hand away from me - stepping out of the doorway to allow me inside. His palm grazes along my lower back as I walk into the room, and I look back down at my feet. Hearing the door shut behind me, I can see that Harry has on a pair of white boots with a slight heel as he now crosses in front of me.

I can tell that he's leaning against the vanity that's installed into one of the walls, and I can hear ice clinking against a glass. I'm sure he's drinking tequila in the rocks for his nerves.

Neither of us know what to say, silence consuming us entirely, and I dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands out of anxiousness. It's never been like this between us, and I hate it. This wasn't us.

"C'mon, Carter," Harry coaxes me, and I feel my throat tightening. "Please tell me what's going on. I've never seen you like this before, and I'm worried."

A few more moments of quiet pass before I speak.

"I love you," I whisper, and I immediately feel my bottom lip quivering.

I hear the glass that Harry had in his hand get set back down against the marbled counter. "What?"

"I-I love you," I repeat, a little louder this time, and I finally look up - making sure I look directly into his sage colored eyes so he knows I'm serious. "I love you, Harry."

Realization takes over his face, and I watch as his mouth opens, but he closes it quickly. We hold eye contact as he processes what I've said.

"You said you were selfish the other night, so I'm going to be selfish now," I force out although my entire body feels like I could collapse on the spot.

Harry pushes himself off the vanity to stand up straight, and he tucks his hands into his pockets as he gives me a nod to continue.

"I just had to come and tell you now, Harry, because I know I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't. I know it's your wedding day, and it's the worst possible timing, but I have to tell you. I have to let you know because I couldn't live with myself if I...if I didn't try."

I walk towards him so there's not as much distance, and I watch as Harry takes in a deep breath - tilting his chin up a bit so that he's looking at me better.

"I have loved you for years," I tell him, shaking my head. "And I should've told you, and I feel like a fucking idiot that I didn't now that I know you felt the same way at one point. I didn't run away from you after the formal because you made me uncomfortable. I ran away because I realized that I loved you, and I was scared to ruin the friendship because I thought that you would never feel the same way.

"I tried to be angry with you after what happened a few weeks ago, but I couldn't because I love you so much. I feel so foolish right now because you already told me that you used to love me in this way, and that now it's strictly platonic, but I just have to tell you because..."

I choke on a sob, and I haven't even realized that tears have been streaming the whole time I've been talking. Harry's expression is one of pain, and sadness as he purses his lips to the side - tears of his own filling his eyes.

"Because I really hope you'll reconsider today," I gasp, shaking my head. "And I feel beyond guilty for asking that of you, but I can't help it. I-I need to know. I need you to tell me if you still feel the same way, Harry, please."

Harry's eyes hold mine again for a while before he's shaking his head slowly. "It's Gwen, Carter. It's always going to be Gwen when it comes to this type of love, because like I told you, I do love you, it's just a different kind of love now."

My eyes flutter shut, and I take in a deep breath as I realize the worst outcome of this decision is presenting itself to me. This isn't just a scenario in my head anymore - this is actually happening.

I nod at him and step back, feeling as if my chest could cave in on itself. "Okay," I whisper, more tears beginning to stream down my cheeks. "I just had to hear you say it again after knowing my feelings - just one more time."

"Carter," he goes to reach out for me, but he stops himself - his own tears now trickling over the skin of his cheeks. "You're still my best friend, you know that, right? I don't want things to change between us. I know the night I told you everything I said that maybe you were right if we tried to separate a bit, but I really don't want that. I don't want to lose you."

I let out a laugh, wrapping my arms around myself as I look away from him. "Things have already changed, Harry. They've been changing for years now. Yes, we've still been close, but you can't stand here and honestly tell me that our friendship has remained the same."

Silence takes over again, and I shake my head as I look back over to him. He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "It's okay that things have changed. It's a fact of life, but there's no coming back from what's happened. I'll still be there for you, and for Gwen - I couldn't imagine completely separating myself from you both, but I'm glad I'm moving. You just have to understand that I can't be there like I used to. I can't be as close as I used to be because...."

I cut myself off as I swallow down a sob. "Because it just hurts too much now," I sniffle, dropping my arms by my sides as my eyes meet his once more. "But I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you found someone to share the love you have because you really do deserve it. So please, just forget this happened, and enjoy your day, okay?"

Starting to back up towards the door, Harry steps forward with an extended hand, but I shake my head again - recoiling from his touch. "Don't, Harry. Please don't."

We don't say another word as I turn around and quickly exit out the door. I move around the corner of the hallway before pressing my back against the wall, sliding down as I cover my face with my forearms - dropping my face into them as I try to muffle my sobs.

I knew that him telling me that things wouldn't change today due to my confession was a possibility, but I was really hoping that I was wrong. Even though I told him that I won't be separating myself from him and Gwen, I have no choice but to do so now. I'll still see them at holidays, and big events, but I can't be around them like that anymore. I'll never be able to face Harry and have things be like they always have been,

A few moments pass before I hear shuffling coming from around the corner, and I see Gwen in her wedding gown with her photographer.

I forgot they were going to be doing a first look.

She stares at me, and I can see that it hits her - the realization of what has me so upset. She looks over to her photographer and whispers something before she approaches me on her own. "I know you did not do this to him on our wedding day, Carter."

"I'm sorry, Gwen, I just had to-"

"Are you kidding me?" She hisses, still trying to keep her voice low not to cause a scene. "I can't believe you'd do this to me - to him. I suspected there was always something deeper. You're lucky it's the day of the wedding, and that I couldn't possibly change things around now because you would absolutely not be here, do you understand me?"

"Well, from what I heard earlier, you didn't even want me in the wedding to begin with anyway," I spit back at her, my tears of sadness mixing with tears of anger. "But sure, I understand."

Gwen scoffs, looking away from me for a moment before glaring at me once more. "After this wedding, I don't want you to come anywhere near us. I'm glad you're moving away so I don't have to worry about this happening again."

I stay silent as fresh tears begin to slip down my cheeks.

"Now get the fuck away from his room, and let us try to continue on with our day as normal," Gwen says, trying to hover over me as she always does to intimidate me.

"Fuck you, Gwen," I see her jaw tense at my words, but I also see her eyes slightly widen in shock. I've never spoken to her in this way before. "I can't wait for the day where Harry realizes what a self-absorbed bitch you are, because trust me, he will. I'll feel sad for him, but I'll be nothing but elated when it comes to you. I just know that I'll find out that he was the one to walk away from the marriage."

Gwen opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her from doing so.

"I just hope you never treat him the way that I've allowed you to treat me. He'll never deserve that."

I hold her eyes for a moment longer before I finally find it in myself to move away, and walk back towards the bridal suite to meet back up with the other bridesmaids.

⋆★★⋆

"Alright ladies, line up right here," Gwen's wedding planner extends her arm out in front of her. She then walks just one step over and does the same thing with her arm again. "And gentlemen, you line up here."

The groomsmen walk up next to us, and I realize that I'm going to be walking down the aisle with Shane. Holding my flowers in front of me, I send him a half smile as I hear the music start in the main part of the chapel.

I was more than thankful for agreeing to waterproof makeup because there wasn't much to touch up after I had gone to see Harry. My anger towards Gwen actually helped with getting my tears to stop. I think also knowing that I was going to have to look presentable for people in less than half an hour also helped me get it together.

"I can't believe Harry's getting married," I hear Shane chuckle next to me. "I've known him since I can remember, and you always know this day is going to come eventually, it's just so strange when it does. Do you feel that way about Gwen?"

I clear my throat, and decide to just play along with it. Shane is a sweet guy, and he doesn't deserve me being bitter towards him. "Yeah, it's definitely weird. She's been dreaming of this since we were super little. She was always drawing sketches of the dress she wanted, and I think she had more little wedding dresses in our dress-up box than princess dresses."

Shane lets out another laugh, but we're interrupted by the wedding planner opening the doors for us to walk into the chapel.

"Okay, just remember everyone, make sure the couple in front of you gets to the middle pew with the red flowers before you start walking," she instructs.

Walking closer to me, Shane holds his arm out, and I wrap my hand around the crease of his arm. We'll be the last ones to walk, so we still have a bit of time before we're actually heading down ourselves.

"Are you excited for the reception?" Shane whispers to me, and I nibble on my bottom lip before I shake my head.

"I'm not going to the reception."

He looks down at me with a raised brow as we take a step forward as the next couple starts to walk down. "You're not going?"

"No, I'm going to call an Uber after this. Head back to the hotel, and then I'm going home," I tell him simply with a shrug.

"Oh, I'm-"

"To be completely honest with you, Shane, I'd rather leave right now, but I don't want to look like a complete piece of shit in front of my extended family. I'd also rather not leave you all to deal with Gwen's meltdown once she were to realize that I wasn't here, and the balance of everything was thrown off, so..."

Shane takes a moment before he speaks again - giving me a small nod. "Understood."

I'm glad that he didn't ask me to elaborate any further as I didn't feel like rehashing everything again.

Soon we're the next two to walk down, and I make sure that I'm holding my flowers appropriately in front of my torso as we begin down the aisle. As much as I want to keep my eyes on my feet, I keep looking forward. I can feel that Harry's eyes are directly on me, but I don't look over at him at all. Shane and I separate, and I take my appropriate spot on Gwen's side as he files in right behind Harry.

The guests in the pews rise as the music switches over to the song that Gwen would be walking down the aisle to, and soon her and my father appear in the doorway that we had all just walked out of. I can see that some of the guests are becoming emotional, and I hear a few sniffs behind me from some of the bridesmaids, but I remain completely stoic - my expression unchanging.

I refuse to look over at Harry, and once my father is handing Gwen over to him, I drop my eyes down to my flowers. My plan is just to keep my sight on them for the rest of the wedding and think about anything but being here.

The officiant starts to speak once everyone sits back down, but his words sound completely muffled. It wasn't until the officiant asked for the rings a few minutes later that I remembered Harry's ring was tied to my bouquet.

I swallow harshly as I undo the ribbon, and I step forward to place the ring down into the palm of Gwen's hand, and then I step right back into place.

I stand beside Gwen, and I do my best to avoid looking at the face of the man I'm in love with as he recites his vows. His vows that are not meant for me, but for my sister - the woman he's in love with. I'm hearing the words that are leaving his mouth, and I can't help but imagine how they could've been for me if things had been different. If we both hadn't been so scared to be honest with each other.

I know that I'll always be grateful for those years that I had with Harry as my best friend. Those days are behind us now though, and I have to move on. Maybe one day I'll find what Harry and Gwen have with each other in someone else, and then I'll realize that I really didn't know what love was before that said someone - that I thought I loved Harry, but I didn't. I know eventually I'll be able to move on, especially being away from him. I just hope that Harry is truly happy, and that Gwen is really what he wants.

I'm brought back to reality as I hear the sound of cheering, and I see Harry dipping Gwen down - placing his lips against hers for their first kiss as husband and wife. They pull apart after a moment, and I see the wide smile on his lips - causing his dimples to sink deep into his cheeks. I don't think I've ever seen him look so ecstatic in my life, and that's what really seals it for me. Harry is happy.

In the end, as long as Harry was happy, then I am happy, regardless of it all.

THE END.

⋆★★⋆

A/N:

I know this isn't the ending that anyone really wanted, but it's the ending that I have envisioned since I first thought of this story.

Hopefully you guys won't be too angry with me...

Thank you for all the love that I've received on all of this. It's been so incredibly heartwarming, and I feel like just saying thank you isn't enough, but I don't know what else to say. I've loved seeing your comments, and reading over your theories on what you all thought was going to happen.

I'm sad that Carter and Harry's story was so short, but I think it truly held its purpose in these six chapters.

Until next time...

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

Hey,

So in a straight gyal currently dating a bisexual guy. We’re in love and it’s all going nice... except it’s really not.

He was very sweet and everything but now... my insecurities are through the roof because of his actions and the shit he says.

So he’s more attracted to women but he told me he liked sex with men better and I totally respect that. He can’t control his sexual attraction as long these are not behaviors, cuz he dating a damn woman.

But as of late... god I’m beginning to resent I think? He consumes a lot of mlm dramas, asks me to watch gay porn with him, won’t shut up about how misses sex with men. About how he loves sub men and how he’s felt ultra masculine and manly when he used to have them under him. Actually appearance wise, he does look like a stereotypical straight man. Very tall, muscular and quite macho. Thats what attracted me to him in the first place. But that’s also what’s worrying me rn.

I’m beginning to feel he’s not sexually attracted to me anymore. He goes out of his way to remind me how lacking I’m because I’m not a man. And when I talk to him about these things he denies it and tells me it’s just urges that hit him sometimes.

Am I crazy for feeling jealous and insecure? Otherwise he’s such an amazing boyfriend.

Honestly... I’ve always been hesitant of dating bi men cuz of these reasons. I knew somehow I’d feel inadequate or not enough because I’d never give them what men give them. But it hurts even more when my current bf is going out of his way to emphasizes these things.

Am I a bad person for choosing not to date a bi guy in the future? I’m just too insecure rn. I feel so unattractive and my resentment is killing me. I know straight men would make me feel as shitty too, but at least I wouldn’t be worrying about men too. Ugh I know this is wrong... I was never such person, like that thought in this biphobic way but damn it I’m hurting a lot.

Okay so first of all, you aren't a bad person and your boyfriend is behaving like an absolute asshole. I'm sorry he's treating you like that. If he's going out of his way to 'remind you that you're lacking because you're not a man' like... If somebody treated me that way I'd kick them to the curb for that. That's a horrible way to treat somebody. And if he's acting like he's doing nothing wrong when you bring it up to him like I'd venture to say it's basically emotionally abuse frankly. He's doing something mean, it's upsetting you, he's claiming he's doing nothing wrong when you call him out - it's fucked up, and he's not treating you well.

I think some of your worries are rooted in biphobic stereotypes - like not all, or even most bisexual men will act like that, he's behaving horribly. Personally I've never felt the urge to tell any of my past gfs that I wished they were men. But also, with the way this guy has treated you, I can't say I don't understand you not wanting to date another bi guy anytime soon.

Basically I think probably the best thing you could do is get out of this relationship if you're still in it because this man is mistreating you. After you're away from him I think it's probably a good idea to try and work through some of your worries about bisexual people. Of course bisexuals are not a monolith, and there are going to be mean/abusive bisexuals. But in general, most bi men aren't going to tell you they wish you were a man.

But basically, you are not a bad person. This man has been an extremely bad partner and I think it is understandable for you to not want to date another bi man after being treat so poorly by one. I think it'll be a lot easier for you to try and get past any hang ups you have about bisexuals as a whole once you aren't dating an abusive one who purposely makes you feel bad about yourself. I hope this was at least a little helpful, please feel free to send another ask if you need/want to.

[lyricalimerence]

Colorful Consequences - JJ Maybank

summary: jj dyes his hair after losing a bet

word count: 1718

warnings: a little swearing, just friendship fluff

a/n: this is so cute don't even look at me + and this is for @maybanktho for the concept prompt

*this is how i imagine the color, but he just dyes the fringe/front part of his hair*

It all started with a bet—as most things do between you and JJ. There had to be a prize and a consequence, it was just your friendship dynamic. You two became friends through a competition he set in the fourth grade during recess. You both played on the field, juggling half pumped up soccer balls and booting them into opposite goals, not wanting to get in each other's way. Until he kicked his soccer ball into your goal on purpose, proposing a bet that he could sink a goal from farther away than you could. However, much to his ten-year-old chagrin, you won. He had to eat a hot dog from the cafeteria the next day—the hot dogs were chalky and an abnormal color. You, however, got to be one of his best friends for life. He would say that he got the winning end of that bet in the end, having you by his side for the past six years outweighed the stomachache he had after eating that hotdog.

This time, it was a surfing bet, and, as were getting gloriously used to, you won. His punishment was he had to dye his hair, and your prize was you choosing the color. A schedule wasn’t set for the day you had to become his personal hairdresser, so you were going about your Saturday morning as usual—half hungover and asleep on your couch, not having gotten to your bedroom before passing out the night prior. Your parents were nowhere to be found, probably on the mainland having affairs with rich people for money, or something along those lines—you didn’t particularly care anymore.

The familiar knocking pattern of JJ Maybank, your best friend, slammed into your eyes, almost abrasively as your head throbbed from the alcohol you consumed last night. Once you collected your thoughts together, you were surprised JJ was awake, not being the “up-and-at-em” type in the slightest.

Somehow, you managed to pull yourself off the couch, the crick in your neck loosening as you stretched.

“You look like shit, Y/N,” JJ announced, leaning against the doorframe as you wiped the sleep from your hardly open eyes.

“Thanks for noticing, Sherlock,” you smiled wryly, pushing the hair from your fringe falling over your face. “What’re you doing here? And why are you handling your alcohol so much better than me?”

JJ walked past you, patting your shoulder as he entered your small house, the homey decor and familiar scent of fresh cookies and linen febreze inviting him in with as much vigor as you did the first time he came to your home. “Today is the day, my friend. And, in regards to the whole hungover deal, I so happen to not be a lightweight, unlike some…” he trailed off to glance at your slouched frame, the cuffs of your paper bag denim jeans bunched up around your shins, and the thick strapped tank from Pelican Marina that you chopped the bottom off of, was pushed up around the band of your bra. Normally, you’d be self conscious of how much of your torso was on display, but you were feeling like a dead squirrel, and it wasn't like JJ hadn't seen you in a bikini almost everyday.

Moving towards the couch to refold the blanket you had knocked onto yourself before you fell asleep, you asked, with an increasing amount of pep and clarity, “Today is the day for what?”

“I’m glad you asked, Y/N! You're dying my hair today. Get ready so we can go to the store.” He seemed a bit nervous, his hand instinctively going to the blond pieces of hair that fell as fringe over his forehead. A goofy smile spread across your face as his words sunk in, the leftover cranky drunkenness fading away as you almost jumped in the air as you ran to your bathroom to get ready.

Once you got out of the shower and changed into a t-shirt and shorts, you met JJ back in your family room, his eyes glued to the phone screen in his hand, his eyes tracing over the photo he was looking at. His phone was open to a picture Kie took of you two on the HMS, having been in the midst of a shotgunning competition. Your hair fell in waves, from your ears down it was a light teal color, matching the oceanic background. JJ zoomed in on the picture, scrolling between the bright, superficial hair color to his photographed blond locks. “Hey!” You made him jump, as you leant against the back of the sofa, looking over his shoulder.

“I was thinking this color?” He sounded a little unsure, but as a hair dying veteran, you knew it was just virgin hair jitters. You took pride in having watched enough Brad Mondo, making you think you could do his hair just as well as a hairdresser.

You reached over, swiping so the camera app was open, and you maneuvered your ponytail to lay over his forehead, the pastel turquoise color of your hair covering most of his face, “I think ya look great.”

He jumped off the couch, grumbling about you being a total dork, and to just get the damn car keys. Having completely sobered up, you grabbed the keys to your old pickup truck and all but skipped out the door. JJ, being blond, had such good hair for dying. You had wondered what he’d look like with crazy colored locks multiple times, he had just never agreed until you won the bet.

Once you two had arrived at the store, a wave of air conditioning hit you, pricking at your bare legs and arms. Having been very acquainted with the beauty supply store, you walked straight to the aisle of hair dye, JJ following cluelessly in your wake. The lanyard holding your keychain was tucked in your denim short’s pocket, the ribbon loop brushing your knee as you bent down to pick up a mixing bowl and color application brushes. You looked towards JJ who was watching you with stitched together eyebrows and evident confusion. “These are semi-permanent colors,” you pointed to a section of the shelves, bottles and tubes or paint like hair dyes sprawling out in front of JJ. “Your hair is light enough that it won’t need bleach… so how long are you committed to this merman look, ya think?”

JJ turned his head to look at you, his eyes lazily gazing at your dimpled smile. “I’m in this for the long haul.”

“As you should!” A laugh bounced from your lips as you nodded, pulling two bottles from the shelf of semi-permanent colors, knowing he’d want to be able to change it at some point. “I used this dye for my hair, if that’s what you want.” He nodded and took the bottle from your hand, staring at it with optimistic intrigue. “C’mon,” you motioned for him to follow you to the checkout line where you two split the bill and you teased him with the cashier with whom you were familiar.

Once you drove JJ back to your house—after going through the McDonald’s drive thru because JJ was hungry—you rummaged through your bathroom, stains of pinks, greens, blues, purples, reds, oranges, and blacks danced along the edge of your sink and shower from your previous dye jobs. You threw a blue towel at JJ to wrap around his shoulders, knocking a french fry out of his hand. “Hey, I was eating that.”

You mock pouted at his indignation but stayed silent so you could pour some of the dye into the mixing bowl. Before slipping on plastic gloves, you sectioned out JJ’s hair with old butterfly clips and barrettes he used to make fun of you for wearing in the sixth grade, claiming you were too grown up for hair clips. Although, he was owning the look now, pretending to flip his fringe sassily before you peeled the strands of blond off his forehead.

JJ was swiping through his phone, looking for Spotify before putting on his playlist and drumming on the counter with his fingers to the beat. You had to hold his head still multiple times with one hand, your other hand otherwise occupied with a brush filled with hair dye. Once he calmed down, you started brushing the color on the ends of his fringe, following the sections you had created. By the time you had finished and worked the dye to the roots of his fringe you handed him a mirror. “Whatcha think?”

He stared at the mirror like he was looking at a foreign object. “I mean I like it… Do you think we could stop here, just dye the front pieces?”

You hummed in response, grabbing the now empty plastic bag from the store and tying it just over his hair to incubate it with heat. “Okay, now we wait for thirty minutes.”

“Let's watch Avatar the Last Airbender.” JJ suggested, as you two walked into the main hallway of your small house on The Cut. Responding with a short word of agreement, you watched JJ jump over the couch to sit on it, aiming the remote at the screen.

After your phone beeped, signaling the end of thirty minutes, you had to tear JJ away from the TV, him having become engrossed by Aang’s adventures. Somehow you managed to rinse his hair out in the basin of your shower, adding to the colorful splotches on the rim. He complained about the water being cold then when you warmed it up, he cupped his hand under the faucet and splashed you with it.

Using all your self control, you extinguished the beginnings of a water fight in your bathroom and rinsed all the dye from JJ’s hair.

Shaking his hair like a wet dog, water droplets flying at you, JJ haphazardly dried his hair before looking in the mirror. “Wait, that's actually so good.”

“Really?” You asked through a grin, excited he liked the color. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you into his side.

“Yeah, it's awesome, Y/N!” He let go of you just to grab your hand and pull you through your house, “Let’s go show the others.”

Another bet he lost with more than optimal consequences.

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