#when he hugs you it’s like bone crushing becuase he’s so big

[bruisedboys]

thinking about …. sejanus plinth….. and his big strong arms …. and broad shoulders ….. and his chest ……mmhhhhhnnggg

[starrynima]

history3 modc: episode four

favourite moments

okay buckle your seat belts because this fucking episode gave us so many good moments!!

let’s start with the cutest siblings bc that was so sweet. just haoting questioning if he’s a good person and the sister reassuring him that he is

also, can we appreciate that haoting got second place just for his sister. if he really loves someone, boy can achieve anything

and real quick, i wanna talk about haoting breaking up with siyu. while, yes, it wasn’t the greatest break up and haoting could’ve been more gentle, i really like how straight forward he was. he left no chances for misunderstandings.

n e ways, let’s move on to love sick duo: part one. haoting and boxiang sitting on some stairs drinking beer(?) and being dramatic together is everything

but it somehow turned on haoting’s aggressive wingman mode. his bitch ass really went in zhigang’s store and did ALL that. like all of us, i did not like haoting yelling and causing a commotion but man did i love his opening sentence which was basically “MY FRIEND MAY BE A VIRGIN BUT DAMN DOES HE LOVE YOU”

bright side to all of this yelling though is at least, zhigang and boxiang got together!! that hug was really cute and i especially love the line “if you don’t want to love anymore, that’s fine. just let me love you.” like zhigang has been so hurt because he has always been the one reaching out to his ex partners but this time boxiang is reaching back for him and meeting him in the middle bitch i was so emotional

haoting walking xigu home looking like a kicked puppy and the way that xigu said “i’m home” idk why but i found that so cute???

haoting apologizing and explaining himself to xigu. i really like how they’re not glossing over the fact that haoting did mess up and he’s saying sorry for it not because he likes xigu but because he truly feels sorry

(also he confessed for the 53673 time and it definitely ain’t his last time lol)

and the moment we were all waiting for: THE FIRST KISS. i think i cried. i definitely cried. it was so fucking soft. and xigu clOSED HIS EYES!!

also this camera shot is so pretty?

and bitch don’t even get me started on the way haoting has to bend down to kiss xigu

“i’ve never liked a guy before but i’m very sure i like you.” bl male leads are shaking

then haoting bolts once again after the kiss and the confession lmao. this mans really just outside the door breathing heavy as fuck because his adrenaline from kissing xigu is subsiding. my god, he is so whipped for xigu

now, we back in school and boxiang is staring at zhigang pics because honestly who wouldn’t. zhigang is hella hot. but this time he’s doing the staring as zhigang’s boyfriend and the boy squad (minus xia de, plus new guy and cabbage pillow guy) staring at him doing all that made me cackle

okAY, can we talk about xia de for a second because he definitely has a crush or an interest on xigu. lowkey, this is heartbreaking but he did look very soft staring at xigu which, you know, who wouldn’t be soft while staring at xigu?

haoting and his feed xigu agenda that i wholeheartedly support with every bone in my body 

“it breaks my heart to see you hungry”

also @ haoting not being afraid to be seen with xigu unlike most ‘popular’ male lead characters

haoting nagging xigu about eating enough especially during the exam season as if his bitch ass cares about the exam

haoting legit barking and growling and pretending to be angry and making xigu laugh (side note: xigu’s smile is so goddamn cute like boi stop attacking me with your smiles and uwu-ness)

“YES, it was worth it!” like he knew he looked ridiculous but nothing is too much if it makes xigu laugh

love sick duo: part two but this time they’re actually happy

i laughed so hard when boxiang let it slip that he confronted xigu and for a second haoting was like bitch i will cut you if you hurt my mans when did you do it but then boxiang says that he did it during the time the entire squad was bothering xigu and haoting got quiet becuase he was the number one person bothering xigu that time

also another thing that i really love about this scene is when haoting says that he ‘doesn’t like guys. only likes xigu’ boxiang immediately tells him that xigu IS a guy. like they really subtley called out all those bl shows just like that huh.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHT: xiade, gaochun and new guy (somebody name this boy) smuggling bl manga and reading it for friendship™ 

but real talk, how fucking cute are they? they literally did this so that boxiang will stay friends with them like sure the gesture is misguided and has crackhead energy but it’s for such a pure reason

“it’s so big” “what’s so big” “fingers are so big. what are you thinking about? scared me”

haoting insisting on walking xigu home

“i’m a guy” “so you think those cases on tv don’t include guys?” bitch i literally love this show so much. they really not trying to force that girlfriend/boyfriend characterization on a (future) gay couple. they’re both guys and haoting just wants to protect xigu. it’s as simple as that.

also i was contemplating on whether to put this here because i don’t know if i was cringing or laughing but haoting is so fucking eXtRA with that weird sidekick-of-a-disney-villain voice and the slight licking wHAT was he trying to do

okay, let’s talk about the most precious fucking moment in this entire episode even if it exuded crackhead energy: the squad playing basketball and gaochun and xiaen winking and gesturing at each other because they planned to talk to boxiang + haoting noticing them

this entire squad is so loyal to each other and they really do love each other like brothers

and @ how they said that they are just trying to understand boxiang further and to not take offence because they truly are being genuine

“me too” “what?” “i like guys” oH MY GOD HAOTING JUST DROPPING THAT BOMB AT THEM and boxiang laughing at their reactions

in conclusion: i love these supportive crackhead dumbass friends so much

[stevie-baby]

@satans-helper​ thank you for tagging me love! This week has been rough, I have had a shit day looking for jobs, but now I’ve got a beer and I’m answering this because self care or whatever. Leggo!

1. What is your middle name?

Marlene

2. How old are you?

19

3. When is your birthday?

August 20th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Leo sun; Capricorn rising; Taurus moon

5. What is your favourite colour?

Orange

6. What’s your lucky number?

8 or 20

7. Do you have any pets?

not any more :( but growing up I had a corgi mix named Lulu. She was dope. Fun lil origin story about her: my mom missed the majority of my first birthday becuase she had to stay late at work becuase her coworker’s dog was having puppies and had to leave early. My mom was like “Angela if I’m gonna be late for my kids birthday celebration can I at least get first pick of the puppies?” So when the puppies were finally able to go to different homes, my mom sat little one year old me in their pen to let me pick the one we’d take home. Something drew me to the runt of the litter (maybe it was the fact that she didn’t straight up attack me like her brothers and sisters) and she lived a happy 16 and a half years with us.

8. Where are you from?

Southern California

9. How tall are you?

5'6

10. What shoe size are you?

Womens 11 but I usually wear a mens 9.5 because I have wide feet

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Like 7 pairs (none of which are cowboy boots or gogo boots which is a travesty)

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember but I know it wasn’t anything malicious, so that’s good.

13. What talents do you have?

I play instruments and I sing. I also do art occasionally.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I wouldn’t say psychic but I am pretty in tune with the universe. But I do also have dreams that have to do with fertility that are like super heavy with symbolism and are oddly prophetic. I call them my egg dreams. If y’all wanna hear about them I make a post about them or something. 

15. Favourite song?

At the moment it is When the Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin

16. Favourite movie?

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Honestly? Honestly??? Sam Kiszka. I’ve always been into bassists and lanky boys with long dark hair, so he’s perfect. Also, I love his personality. He’s just magnetic and Joy is a lucky gal :)

18. Do you want children?

Not really. I’m 19, barely an adult, so kids aren’t in my plans right now. I’m not sure if they’ll ever be in my plans. But if I do decide I want children one day, I would want to have more than one because I am an only child and I wouldn’t want that for my kid. It gets lonely and I will never know or understand the bond that siblings have. Also I’d want adopt and foster some kids.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nope unless you count a chapel in Vegas as a church wedding. 

20. Are you religious?

Not religious, never grew up practising anything, but I’m spiritual.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Ooof I was always in and out of the hospital. I was always sick or getting injured.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Not yet

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Quite a few. The most memorable experiences were pouring champagne for Drake Bell when I worked at the country club and when Jack Barakat from All Time Low and Ashley Purdy from Back Veil Brides were hitting on my mom,

24. Baths or showers?

Baths are really therapeutic but I feel bad because I’m not conserving water :(

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m barefoot babey ;) I’m starting to feel this beer 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Maybe, but probably not 

┈┈┈┈┈◦•✩•◦┈┈┈┈┈

Documenting that I’m now on my second Modelo, just so y’all know.

┈┈┈┈┈◦•✩•◦┈┈┈┈┈

28. What type of music do you like?

All types honestly. I stray more toward rock though.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Let me tell you the story. So yes, I have skinny dipped. I was very not sober that night, much like tonight, and I was at a sleepover at my friend’s house on the lake. So all of us drunk 16 year olds were like “FUCK YEAH” and skinny dipped on the coldest night in February. It was transcendent. Later that night I gave myself a stck n poke tattoo :)

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 of em. One under my head, one between my knees, and one to hug

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my side, spoonin a pillow

32. How big is your house?

Big enough :)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

coffee and OCCASIONALLY a plain eggo waffle

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

yup. took a gun safety class.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yeah

36. Favourite clean word?

apothecary 

37. Favorite swear word?

fuck (issa classic)

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

74 hours. I was tweaking HARD and crying my fucking eyes out

39. Do you have any scars?

Yup

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

this would be a good time for someone to confess their love for me 👀

41. Are you a good liar?

I’m fantastic at lying

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think so

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

a lot of em

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I was back in California for 4 and a half months, so my valley girl accent came back and stronger than ever.

45. What is your favourite accent?

Australian or Midwestern

46. What is your personality type?

old man in a teenage girl’s body

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

One of my formal dresses that was like $120

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yee

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right-handed?

I’m ambidextrous

51. Are you scared of spiders?

not particularly

52. Favourite food?

Bean and cheese burrito or carne asada fries

53. Favourite foreign food?

Mexican food, but Chinese food is also near and dear to me (they’re kinda not foreign to me because I’m Chinese and Mexican

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m messy in an organized way.

55. Most used phrase?

“Fuckin siiiiiiick, dude” and yes I sound like Nick Colletti when I say it. No, I’m not doing an impression, I’m just from SoCal and sound like a skater dude

56. Most used word?

fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

About an hour or so

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I’m a Leo and I fit the description

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Lick

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Uh yeah who doesn’t????

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Always

62. Are you a good singer?

I’m not bad ;) I’m just a bit out of practice 

63. Biggest Fear?

failure i guess i dunno

64. Are you a gossip?

I was going to say no but I can’t lie. I don’t spread shit, but I’ll listen to some tea.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Mid 90s was pretty intense. I dunno that’s the only one coming to mind at the momento

66. Do you like long or short hair?

depends on my mood

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I’m just gonna say no. 

68. Favourite school subject?

History or science! Loved em

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Major introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Hell naw. I can’t even watch underwater scenes in movies because I get anxious and I feel like I’m drowning

71. What makes you nervous?

Love/being loved

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Lil bit

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

yup and I do it politely so people can learn from it because I’m not a fuckin dick and I want people to thrive

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

Not that I’m aware of

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

I was on student council does thaf countt??? I got put in charge of prom 2 years in a row because the peoplw that were put in charge fucked up and dropped the ball.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Currently am. Not the first time nor will it be the last.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Yeah, yeah I have.

79. Who was your first real crush?

This kid in first grade who had moved here from Russia. We were sat next to each other because our names both started with Z. He was fucking rad. i helped him study for his citizenship test and taught me phrases in Russian. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

seis. five in my ears and one in my nostril

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Yup yup yup. I speak Spanish so its kinda essential

82. How fast can you type?

Fast enough

83. How fast can you run?

I’m asthmatic and have bad feet/knees/hips/spine, ya know what my bones are fucked upp let’s justgo with that

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown, almost black.

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Cats :( and pollen and shit like that

87. Do you keep a journal?

yeah imean i forget about it sometimes but its nice to vent or reminisce

88. What do your parents do?

They both work in the automotivw industry at separate companies on separate sides of the country

89. Do you like your age?

Nope. I’m at a weird transitional phase of being an adult but also still a kid but I don’t relate to most teenagers and I also can’t legally drink here in the states. Issa bummer ya know???.

90. What makes you angry?

We don’t have time for this and i ont have the mental capacity for iteither

91. Do you like your own name?

Fuck no. My name is Zoeie, acomplicated variant of Zoe. Its dumb and I misspell t a lot becauseI’m a whole dumbass and I remember in like fifth grade there was four other gorls wiyh the same name and we all spelled it differentlu (oooo I’m buzzed) Also, dann the man wagner’s dog is named Zoeie and I’m like coolcoolcooltighttighttight I have the same name as his dog thats fuckin siiiiick dude sarcassssssm it bums me out and i dunno why (I’d rather go by Zee or Z on here but if you want to call me Zoeie that’s fine, I’m ccool with it, I just think its dumb because of the spelling its actually not that bad of a name i’m just buzzed and salty)

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I don’t really wantt kids but if I were ever to have gremlins I’d say Stephanie Renee (Stephanie after Stevie Nicks and we’d use Stevie as her nickname; Renee is my mom’s middle name) for a hypothetical daughter and Harrison James (Harrison after the fucking superior Beatle; James after Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Basically just after guitar gods) for a hypothetical son. But I’m assuming there’d be another person involved in making that decision in that situation soooo

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I am but a wee child, I don;’t want chilren. Also why the fuck would I want something specific??? you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Love your children or some shit like that.

94. What are you strengths?

I can get up in the morning and I thinf that;s real swell of me

95. What are your weaknesses?

I’m a fucking perffectionist anand I get in myown head a lot

96. How did you get your name?

I was nameless for the first day of my life and this was the first name my parents agreed on. Its spelled real fuckin dumb though. And my middle name was my grandma’s middle name.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Naw but they were royal guards wayyy back in the Ming dynasty. 

98. Do you have any scars?

am i tripppin large wit no luggage or did i answer this arleady???? the answer is yeah

99. Colour of your bedspread?

Navy

100. Colour of your room?

its cream we’re renting this place booooo

I don’t thinkk I’mma tag anyone because my braindoen’;t want to work ahora mismo and I can’t think of who to tag but I LOVE y’all even if idon;t talk to you I love you and appeciate you thank you if you read this :,)

[ammanujuju]

260617

dear diary,

oh my what a day yesterday was. 

the party i talked about wasn’t as good as i thought it was gonna be. when we arrived there were only a few people there. it was kinda awkward, especially since my friends are super awkward. i tried to make the mood a bit lighter, but of course it didn’t work. we sat down by the table, and sat there for a few hours. it got better as more people arrived, but the one who was controlled the music obviously hadn’t done it before, as no one knew what song was playing. oh, and K’s big brother was there, and to make it worse he was hitting on me, AGAIN. he’s done it before, and i rejected him then as i did now. earlier i didn’t want to just because i’m scared and not comfortable with myself, and because i’m not interested lmao, but now i didn’t want to because of K, and the other reasons i just mentioned. 

well, and because a guy started puking all over the floor in the middle of the party, most of us decided to leave. i mean it was smelling awful, even after the host had managed to clean it up, so no one dared to go back inside. we all went outside, and since I knew Kai and his friend was driving I asked him if he could drive us to another party. but then out of nowhere Erica’s friend stopped right next to us, and he told us he could drive us. i told Kai we didn’t need a driver anyways. 

we arrived the party and oh my the awkward air. no one had been drinking expect for a few, including me, so everyone was just sitting there like nothing. sofia told me she could host if we found a driver, and i was up for that since the party was too awkward for me to handle. i asked Kai if he could drive us, and i felt sooo bad becuase it was the third time i had asked. he said they only had room for two people, and since the police were out they didn’t dare to take any more with them. we were like seven people, and i told Sofia i would like to be one of the first to go driving because i didn’t have my jacket with me (and it was like 4 celcius degrees out and i only had my t shirt on me), my phone was dead and since i was getting sober my head was hurting. she said it was alright, and the second i was about to sit in the car, another friend Cristina, said she needed to go before me because her motorcycle was at Sofia’s and she had to go home. of course i couldn’t deny her that, so i let her. if i only knew that it would lead to me, sitting outside waiting for Kai, for 40 minutes straight i would have said no. i could literally feel the cold in my bones, and when i tried to get inside the house the host said his dad was home so he couldn’t let me in. my friend Jennifer had my jacket and it really felt like i was freezing to death. 

Kai finally arrived after 40 minutes, and i was almost crying when i sat in the car. my friend Alice felt so bad for me, but there wasn’t much she could do. i had to apologize to Kai because i had changed my mind so much that night, and to be honest he didn’t look really happy. i felt so bad. i was so cold my whole body was shaking, and when Kai noticed it he said “but why didn’t you say you were only in a t shirt??? now i feel bad” and he held my arms, trying to get some warmth in them. that made me feel a bit bettter.

when we arrived to sofia, my headahce had gotten worse. i usually don’t feel bad that fast, but i don’t know the bad parties that night didn’t help at all. when i arrived inside the livingroom, my eyes widened at the sight of me and sofia’s ex. yep, we have the same ex. let’s call him Karl. i remember the night me and Karl connected, it would probably be one of the best nights of my life, if i still liked him. we were like that for about five weeks, until he sent me a snapchat of him in the same bed as sofia. sofia and i weren’t friends then, but damn i hated her. since i feel everything really intense, i was still in love with him, and i hated sofia with burning passion. after a few weeks, sofia saw me at a party and ran to me crying, asking if Karl ever had been mean to me. i had no idea what had happened, and why she even talked to me. i later found out that Karl had tried to have sex with her, but since she’s not comfortable with herself she said no, and he then blocked her on every social media and cut all contact with her. i didn’t really care, but i later realized if it had been me, i’d probably so heart broken that i probably would still be crushed. so i basically dodged a bullet, and on my birthday in february i asked her if we could talk. we sat in the bathroom, talked for about an hour about how sorry she was for what she did, and i told her it was okay. we’re really good friends now. 

anyways, i saw him there and my face was basically a question mark. i decided not to think about it, so i sat next to Cristina, who still hadn’t gone home because of issuses with her motorcycle. she’s the quiet type, so i enjoyed actually sitting next to her. she’s someone you can just sit around quiet, because she’s not awkward at all, and my headahce was killing me and i just needed to be left alone for a few seconds.

sofia sat next to me and gave me pain killers. we then talked abit before she said “don’t get mad at me, i have to show you something” she showed that she and Karl had a yellow heart on snapchat (#1 best friends for both) and that they had talked for a few weeks. i mean i don’t really care so why should i be mad, but i was just surprised since he hurt both of us really bad, like why would she, unless she still had deep inside some feelings for him?

Kai brought me my cigarettes before i started drinking, and so i had my precious cigarettes with me in my back pocket. it was annoying to see people noticing it and then literally begging on their knees for one cigarette. so because of that, of course Karl ran over to me, hugged me without my permission and said “i heard you had a cigarette, could i please get one?” like bitch no, i haven’t given anyone else one, who do you think you are to actually get one??

when the clock was about 4am, i sent a snapchat to Kai and asked if he was still driving, and he was going to sofia for a bit but he could take me with him when he was leaving. when Kai arrived he and a friend started to bicker, and i think Kai noticed how uncomfortable I was so he said that he was gonna leave and take me with him, which was kinda cute.¨

earlier that night, Kai had sent me a snapchat asking if he could crash at my place, and i told him yes. Erica’s parents were picking her up at 9am so I was gonna stay up all night anyways. Kai first dropped me off at my place, he was gonna arrive later sometime. i got changed, made some pizza and took my painkillers and then suddenly it felt like this night probably wasn’t as bad as i thought.

Kai arrived later, and he was cuddled up to my legs as he watched a random ass childhood show of his he suddenly thought of and just had to watch. then he got all worlds energy inside of his body and started running around the house like crazy, which was tiring since he also chased after me.

kai left at 10am, and i had already been up about 27 hours. my mom was arriving later that day, so i started cleaning the house. i wasn’t finished until 1pm, and i went straight to bed and i did not wake up until five hours ago. i literally slept for 14 hours, i think it speaks for itself.

now i am just laying in bed, considering to make myself some food. i haven’t eaten in days. i considered yesterday, but i was gonna sleep all day anyways so why would i eat lmao?

now that my mom has arrived home i doubt that kai and i will hang out as much as we did. we could if i went to his place, but he never asks and im too introverted to ask lmfao. 

so this was my night, messy as fuck but it ended alright.

by the way, i found this really nice quote which i have to share it with you. i think i’m going to end every post with a quote i like.

you built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself. you signed it “they were wrong”