#when i'm alone ofc
Text
stimming a lot tonight. like usual, no idea why. probably from forcing emotions in because of the dm situation. and also it’s one of the first hot days of the year (season) and my fan is on and i just spent an hour without earplugs.
but it’s getting annoying.
#on the other hand#i'm allowing myself to stim much more freely these days#when i'm alone ofc#because i know what it means so i don't try to curb it#because when you don't know what it means there's a lot of self shame involved#but when you do you can just let it flow#because it's normal and something unique#i'm watching heartbreak high#which btw has an autistic character#and it's fucking set in austgralia#and i echolalia repeat every single fucking sentence#because of the accent#it's funny but#echolalia is one of the most energy consuming stims#like it just gets tiring#wotah#yes it's summer and no i am not australian#i am brazilian#funny that the only places to really get inverted seasons#because they're the only temperate places outside of the northern hem#are australia nz south africa southern brazil argentina uruguay and chile#compared to like 50 temperate countries in the nh#that's why everyone associates inverted seasons to australia because it's by fawr the more popular of those places in the developed world
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Do you? Don’t you want to do something no one else can do?"
[Caption: gifs from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. In the pilot, Susie sits at a table in a bar and earnestly tells Midge, "It's fine. I don't mind being alone. I just do not want to be insignificant."]
#tmmmedit#perioddramasource#dailymaisel#cinematv#userthing#dailytvwomen#the marvelous mrs. maisel#susie myerson#mrsmaiselsource#weloveperioddrama#my stuff#my edits#my gifs#tmmm 1x01#ofc i've seen countless sets going ''look! she doesn't spend her life alone! she has midge!''#and that's all well and good but the important part TO ME it's the second half#so i'm archiving this gif for when i get to 5x06 because DAMN RIGHT she was NOT insignificant!!!#captioned
175 notes
·
View notes
Text
on one hand, I genuinely can see why parts of (specifically eng-speaking) mdzs fandom that focus on jgy interpret the "杀父杀兄杀妻杀子杀师杀友" line very literally and speculate on what he means by each one,,,
on the other hand, it's largely through the English translation of the line from what I've seen*, so I...wish that caveat was discussed more tbh,, (also speaking in general too)
#lulas's randomness#mdzs#jin guangyao#meng yao#decided I'm just going to put that out here bc it's cropping up in my mind again#tbh when I read the entire paragraph it was part of in Chinese this part felt very...not literal?#idk if 'figurative' or 'metaphorical' works but to me it was a 'yes I've supposedly (as you say) done every bad thing but you alone I#would never harm' type line when I read it in Chinese#ofc my caveat here is even in my case it's just one interpretation from someone who's still reconnecting with my culture and sorta#relearning Chinese where I can#and other people will have different interpretations even if they do speak and read Chinese too!!#but I do kinda want to put that out there#is also a jgy fan btw I just haven't spoken up until now
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've probably said this before but I love how the TDIM characters will hug each other. The other games all have a painful lack of hugs (ESP the Quarry like what was up with that?????) But not in TDIM. In TDIM there are at least 7 hugs and I'm probably missing some but it's just one of those things that makes me even more unhinged.
The fact that there's even a group hug with 3 people like GUYS 😭😭😭
#When characters hug it makes me unhinged#Please tell me I'm not alone in this#The Erin/Mark/Charlie group hug is so everything#Both Kate and Jamie hugs make me go a bit feral#And ofc any Jerin or Markate hug has me running up the ceiling on all fours#I'm too unhinged about this silly little game and this silly little crew#the devil in me#Lee being unhinged again
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
lgbt people need to stop thinking in terms of black and white and by that i mean stop thinking our oppression as directly analogous to the oppression of black people by white people it's not the same !
#fuck dave chapelle hope he dies broke and alone . that being said. i think this line of thinking is the reason why black and other nonwhite#people associate transness specifically with whiteness#part of the reason why anyway. because when we're trying to make direct parallels between something that is not institutional and something#that has been for hundreds of years and is ingrained into basically every facet of culture (transphobia vs antiblackness tbc)#then youre going to have cis(het) black and nonwhite people be like oh these people have no idea what theyre talking about#it's real oppression but talk about it on its own terms...#this isn't to say the two can't intersect OFC THEY DO they do very hard and very violently#i think that we pull from black liberation politics and language in the west particularly in the usa because when we say civil rights that'#the struggle we think of . The Struggle. so we try to pull from that history and current battle. and while parallels absolutely can be#formed esp because so much of lgbt history and liberation in the west is propelled by the work of black and brown trans women..#as white lgbts we need to be able to talk about our struggle in context with that without pulling unnecessary and unapplicable takeaways#from a distinct intersectional struggle that we don't face. does that make sense.#to be clear again the reason dave chapelle thinks transness is a white construct also has to do with just plain ole transmisogyny. i'm not#placing the blame entirely or even mostly on us here that would be ridiculous
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me
#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but)#it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but#god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted#i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating#i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped#quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe#and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my#brother to a lesser extent)#every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world#and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives#it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better#when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable#god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big#obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem#i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job)#going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so#the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't#i don't even want to#but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks#and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested#ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm#delete later#i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
always wild to see people freak out over dark romance novels when you know they're also like... Spuffy shippers? or something along those lines?
I mean, I have no issue with that lmao, I've had ships that are on the same level, but I don't know, it's just like... are you romanticizing the thing you're shipping to the point that you don't recognize its own darkness, or are you fully aware of that and just knowingly hypocritical?
#romance novel blogging#every week twitter declares that society is crumbling because of silly dark romance novels#and usually not even the REAL dark shit lmao#and every week it is the dumbest moral panic i've ever seen#but yeah dude it when you can literally see people with the WILDEST ships handwringing that i get really confused#like okay so the books are undermining women#but the women falling in love with their attempted rapists onscreen... are not..................#and to clarify to me it's just a quality of the work thing; the content itself there doesn't concern me#I MYSELF do not think spuffy as an example was handled well and the context of joss being who he is#retroactively makes it worse than a dark romance written by some random very normal lady keying into common fantasies#like mitzie or heather or whoever doesn't want to go out there and assault someone. probably#whereas joss.....................#wasn't allowed to be alone in a room w a teenage girl#and that isn't every showrunner ofc but a lot of visual representations of trauma#and romanticizations of these relationships onscreen are often written by people of the same gender as the perpetrator#whereas dark romance is often written by women--sometimes even women working out their own shit#and idk i'm kind of making that realization in real time as two why one bugs me more than the other#PERSONALLY speaking#and ofc that doesn't absolve women of handling SA whether it's romanticized or not badly#and CERTAINLY sa is not inherent to dark romance#which i think is a common misconception#dark romance in terms of genre is not 'rape and abuse as romance' it's honestly pretty broad#ANYWAY. thoughts over#just focus on the people who are actually preying on others plsthx
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
no but thinking of violante's manic state following her murder of ruven and that sick game of association-replacement played by gortash where he acts just like ruven did, picks up some of his behaviours and mannerisms and speech patterns he specifically used with violante and that he knows of well bc he observed and studied them interact, so that he can fill up the now empty spot left by ruven's death.
#rena.txt#LIKE THE LAYERS. vio is visibly not. alright. it's all about 'i'm alone without him' so he plays a role. takes advantage of the weakness so#to devote her to him like she was devoted to ruven. vio could've killed for ruven and now more than ever she's a powerful asset to have on#your side. plus she showed she can and will kill. she took out the only person she cared for (in their twisted ways) in the world so she's#useful but dangerous. a double edged blade. no better moment than now that vio is so unstable and lacks purpose and a sense of community#to lure her on his side for his future plans. there's smth about the manipulation in it that makes me lose it like#i know this is what you desperately need rn and i know you know you will never have it back so what if i showed you i can be that thing#you're missing? that sense of loneliness is what he's pressing on the most. and the loss too. and vio notices ofc she recognises when he#speaks or acts in a certain way. she's aware but willingly letting his plan work bc god. she does miss ruven so sickly much and the comfort#in a lie is preferable to what's going on in her mind in that moment.#there's exploitation and there's a lil touch of loneliness on his side too and it's bitter to pretend to be someone else to convince her to#stay but he won't ever admit it. genuinely think that if vio didn't leave without saying a word his plan would've worked. she'd willingly#pretend he could replace ruven. it would hurt less probably#that devotion that could lead her to do great horrors...both her weakness and strength 👍 the illusion of free choice 👍#it's past 3am if i could elaborate better i would but i feel like i'm having visions at this point.hit me with a giant hammer so i can slee#i 🫶 toxicity in my characters dynamics btw
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think I made a very bad mistake
#yes I'm talking about college#tonight I realized I no longer want to go there#but I've already got a schedule and put down the payment for the dorm and like#my whole family knows I'm going there this fall#my sister even drove me an hour up there and attended the longass tour day with me#I can't go back now no matter how much I want to#I should've just found a university with an online psych degree#so I can stay at home with my cats where I can be alone and at peace#when the worst of my anxiety comes and goes#I'm going to fucking die there#ofc I'm getting the urge to cut again#vent#tw self harm
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
in this house we love greek gods that preside over one specific thing and have fuckall to do for the rest of eternity <3
#sriracha.txt#creating some fuckt up little lady who presides Specifically over like. the point in which old crop is used to fertilize the new#thus playing into the whole cycle of life idea + giving her some foot to stand on as the kid of persephone and hades specifically#wrt the way old life supports the new? is this stepping on the toes of demeter and dionysus... yes...#but we pretend we do not see it.. i am overworked + low on spoons as it is and this is like.. niche lore for a character i am not paid to#play. i cannot dedicate much more effort to her. at least not right now#lament aside i think i will name her Rhoeas or something of that nature.. from what i can tell ῥόα is the word for pomegranates#which becomes ῥοιᾰ́ς for corn poppies..#now sit with me boy 🕴 we lose the plot here a little bit + also extrapolate from wikipedia alone for this BUT. in many cultures poppies are#heavily associated with death and love alike. and ofc they grow in disturbed soil.#SO... if you look at the original myth with a modern + loose lens. i think you could justify some kind of poppy child being like#a bridge between demeter and hades.. she comes from the literal disturbed soil that came when hades abducted persephone#+ has ties with death and love + love that can endure death which can be a fun allusion to the way that demeter's love for persephone#persists even through persephone's stay in hades which houses the dead... do you feel me comrades#i think you could even apply it to persephone and hades themselves - a love that endures death? but naur offense hades is NOT the focus her#</3 🤪 coming back to this theme of like. love persisting through death and being sewn in the wake of death/disrupted soil. we come back to#the anchor point of her character which is the old dead crops being used to fertilize the new growth. it's the love the dead has for the#living right!! to help it grow in a new and difficult world! i think that itself ties back into the central theme w the poppies#and also demeter has ties to poppies so i don't think it would be crazy for some grandchild of hers to have ties to poppies :-] i think thi#all somewhat feasible if you reaaaalllly squint. anyhow i'm too tired to go any further with it rn#corylana
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
will is a punk girlie and i Know this okay i Know that, but. but. you will have to pry modern au will listening to queer artists like rina sawayama and lil nas x out of my cold dead hands sorry.......
#will listening to imagining & this hell by rina..... montero and that's what i want by lil nas x........... AHHHHHHHH#he deserves it ok he deserves to hear tht he is not alone !!!!! after having been so lonely for so long in canon!!!!!!#he listens to imagining while Going Through It for mike reasons ofc#when mike is giving him all of these confusing ass mixed signals#will in his room jus bopping out to I'M!!!! IMAGINING!!!!! SO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS UP!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!! RIGHT NOW MY SANITY IS#GONE ITS VANISHING !!! I KNOW I DO THIS TO MYSELF ITS DAMAGING 😔🤘
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
no longer taking requests of oc's for the next while. sorry, not a fan of drawing oc's, thought it'd be a one time thing, didn't expect the whole world to find me and only ask for a redraw of their oc lmao
#idk I find it boring#plus now I gotta spend like.. an hour studying your oc#when I thought of requests I was thinking like yorue gonna ask me to draw Rick or Spiderman even#oc's are fine ofc. I just hate the studying part cause its so tedious and Idk who tf I'm drawing#it's not like I can look up a character and check out the fanart/pics of them and understand them from that alone#sorry. ask me in a month or so maybe I'll feel different about it#or maybe I'll give it a shot then. but for now I'm done with it yk?#idk why I got into other circles. most of the people requesting oc's don't even follow me 🗿#anyway goodbye for now#my art#requests
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't remember why but I dreamed about looking up the common religions in different regions of Thailand last night
#in addition to like. more regular dreams where someone kidnapped part of our camping/hiking group and I needed to use my knowledge of#dog/wolf behavior to appease a wolf that we needed to pass by to get between two forest clearings and also since my character was a#clean-freak / germaphobe he had the power to have bugs not bother him in the woods and then that all happened twice because ofc we needed to#keep to the story script when it restarted and I had to keep everything on the rails but this time two other wolves also came up and they#all decided I was chill and we left each other alone even while I was de-escalating the kidnapping situation but then the kidnappers started#running away and I was like 'you know what would make them think again? three wolves chasing them' so I got the wolves' attention and#started running and they thought it was some kind of chase game and eventually after a couple times of them catching up with me and thinking#that was it they realized someone ahead of us was also running so THEY were the target and we finally started chasing down the kidnappers#and by this point I was considered part of the pack and also we were in a school gymnasium but right after some sort of fair or assembly so#we had to dodge chairs and tables and stacks of equipment and occasionally children but they mostly kept out of the way#oh and I think after the reset but before the kidnapping there was also a part where one of the other characters (I feel like one of my#siblings was playing this one) insisted that our top priority should be finding clothes and I was like 'wait are you NAKED?' and they were#like 'yeah we all are???' and I was like 'WHAT no I'm fully dressed. my character is wearing a suit and tie! and a hat even!' yeah yeah and#then the kidnappers/bullies came up and one of them was a blond lady with a bolo tie.#btw the reason I'm saying stuff like 'my character'/'was playing a character' is because in this dream it was explicitly characters we were#playing in some sort of game where the focus wasn't roleplay but it had a roleplay-y aspect where the different characters had different#strengths and abilities; such as Betrayal at House on the Hill or Western Legends or Dead of Winter#anyway. IDK why dream-me thought thailand was one of the most religiously diverse places on earth. in real life it's over 90% buddhist.#ThornShadow.said
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
GUYS
I'M GOING WILD
I'M FINALLY DOING MY DIGITAL ART
So, yea, I looked for advice a while ago, and many people sugested tracing (which is basically a technique in which you just trace over a finished drawing/image). I also, a loooong time ago, used to follow this yt channel, LeoMk (in portuguese, this guy is brazilian and he's AMAZING), and he sugested once, for praticing tracing, but desconstrucing the image.
Like, you pick a drawing from an artist you like, then you sketch over it, and then finish.
I followed the advice, and first I was tracing some art of @emmettnet (🙃) for gaining some control on my lines, because I never drawed digital before. And now, I just decided to trace over a picture from my brother and I'M REALY DOING THIS I HAVE A SKETCH NOW I THINK I CAN DO THIS
And I'm very proud of myself
#and i want you guys to see so i'm posting the result and the timelapse ibis paint gives me#when i finish ofc#and im so glad#like#soon i will even draw all alone#anything i want#digital art is so cool#one year and a half of drawing and im finally starting this#art#drawing#digital art
10 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
reisszaehne
Shiro's Art Corner
alfredhoe420
Memes
sayuuhart
Sayuuh | Sa-Yu
memcriae
&&. ❛ ( bittersweet memories .