#when will y'all just take a deep breath and realize that it doesn't fucking matter

[acornered]

God once again pride month has become "queer infighting month" with this year's special: should we support mainstream companies carrying pride merch- and don't worry, we won't debate this with any good faith or nuance! Shut Up!!!

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[themoonmunchkin]

Don't look!

Pairing : Bakugo katsuki x gn!reader, Midoriya Izuku x gn!reader, Todoroki Shoto x gn!reader.

Genre : fluff

Warnings : insecure reader, cussing, savage deku?, kinda angsty but overall super fluffy ^3^

Synopsis : you're insecure about your side profile but they're having none of it.

Not gonna lie, he probably wouldn't even have known that this was an insecurity that people had.

So when you first start dating he wouldn't think much of it when you cover your nose while laughing or when you contour your jawline extra hard.

Until one day you start letting your thoughts get to you again, you think about how everyone around you have such a beautiful side profile.

You start wondering why Katsuki even bothers to be with someone as "ugly" as yourself, I mean has he seen his face.

But anyways you start distancing yourself from the world again, start hiding your face with your hair, have mental break downs in the night, refuse to take pictures and completely shut him out while thinking you're being subtle.

But no, no, no- my mans noticed...and he's currently having a full blown panic attack on the inside.

He's really worried at this point and starts thinking about what he's done wrong, he tries to talk to you but you're always making excuses and running away from him.

Now, he's had enough and so he quite literally barges into your dorm room and demands an explanation as he keeps shouting at you until....

.....he takes in your tear stained face with fresh tears forming at the corner of your eyes.

You were seated on the floor with a hand mirror clutched to your chest, the same one that you use to point out all your insecurities in, your phone is on the ground next to you with a picture of a model, her perfect side profile on display...the same one that you always compare yourself to.

Cue in a confused, angry and sad boom boom boy 😔.

Who the fuck had the audacity to make his baby cry hmm 🤬.

But then his anger vanishes just as it comes and before you knew it, he's shut the door behind him, quickly walks upto you, swoops you into his arms and cradles you in his lap.

"Ssshhh....its ok baby, I'm right here". Bakugo softly coos in your ear while running his fingers through your hair and letting his other hand rub your back. "Talk to me honey, what's wrong?"

You pull back a little and look up at him into his pain filled eyes that still hold so much love for you and that's when you tell him everything.

You tell him about how you've always hated your nose, how you've always wished you'd had a more chiseled jawline, how you've been bullied about your side profile by your peers and how you've never felt good enough.

He still doesn't get it because you're genuinely the most stunning person he's ever laid his eyes on, but understands how this is something that seriously bothers you and so he's gonna do everything in his powers to yeet those insecurities out.

Now Bakugo isn't one to lie or sugarcoat something, but he's also not someone who'll let you sit and hurt yourself like that.

He takes a deep breath, cups your cheeks in his hands and looks at you with the most earnest look on his face.

"Listen here baby, you're right maybe you don't have the most chiseled jawline or the sharpest nose out there-"

You winced at that a little but he was quick to speak again.

"I'm not done yet-" he closes his eyes and thinks for a second, words have never been his thing as he's someone who prefers actions instead but right now you needed more than just a kiss or a hug, you needed security and reassurance, so he takes in another deep breath and opens his eyes to look at you again.

"-just because you don't have those doesn't mean you're any less beautiful." He said with a smile as you curiously looked at him. You looked so damn cute to him all he wanted to do was pounce on you right then and there, but he held himself back for your sake and the next things he said made you fall in love with him even more.

"What you have suits your gorgeous fucking face, you don't have to change for any stupid extra and no one's opinion, not even yours is going to make me view you any differently or make me love you any less." He leaned in and gave you a chaste kiss on your lips that pretty much took your breath away and then he pulled back with a cute blush on his face.

"So from now on only listen to me okay and no matter what-" he kisses you again and pulls back a second time "-I will make you look at yourself the way I and so many other people look at you".

Now he's had his fair share of insecurities and he's had a lot of people call him "plain looking" (which I still don't understand how when he's got some of the rarest and most beautiful features) even then those words about his looks have never really got to him.

But when it comes to you, he immediately knows something's up with all those self-deprecating jokes you apparently find to be funny.

Doesn't question you cause he doesn't want to scare you away, also because he trusts you to come to him if something is wrong.

But alas you and your stubborn ass refused to seek help from anyone and instead you chose to cope with yourself by putting yourself down in the form of those awful "jokes".

You've always tried to get yourself to stop this, but it soon became more than a coping mechanism, it was the only way you could hold yourself up without wanting breaking into peices.

That was dangerous.

But it's ok! It's still all fine and dandy until one day everything changes and you realise that all that self-deprecation didn't do shit.

Its Sunday today and you and your boyfriend Izuku have been walking around the shopping plaza for a while now.

The two of you were on a date, but you were also on a hunt for the new all might merch that your boyfriend has been fangirling about since forever. So far there was no luck on your end but y'all weren't about to give up just yet.

"OMG! I think I see it in there!" Izuku squeals cutely while pointing at what looks like a moderately big comic store that had an emo cyber punk looking aesthetic to it.

*Gasp*..."OMG! I think I see it too!! Let's go!!" and with that you grabbed his hand and were dragging your blushy stuttering mess of a boyfriend towards the store. It was adorable how easily he got flustered even after how the two of you were almost half a year into dating.

The two of you finally reached the store and stepped in, there it was the brand new neon tinted holographic Allmight figuring with working layers. Izuku's eyes sparkled as he ran towards it and immediately snatched it off the shelf.

"Yay we finally got it!" You cheered as you walked over to him and gave him a high five. The two of you had bright smiles on your faces as you talked about the figuring and walked towards the counter to pay for it.

You looked towards the counter where a young girl who looked about your age was working as a cashier, she had this bored expression on her face until she saw your boyfriend and it immediately changed into something you could only call as a flirty expression.

"Hey there handsome~ what can I help you with today~" she said in a sultry tone and gave him a wink. You and izuku were both puzzled at the fact that she not only just openly flirted with your boyfriend but also completely ignored your existence.

"U-um....er....we just need this figuring please". Izuku placed the box covered figuring on the counter and was about to pull his hands back when she quickly grabbed them and cupped them with her own hands.

"You sure, how about I give you my number and we ditch this place to go get coffee."

"Um -uh no thank you, I have a s/o!"

"Hmm...I don't see them."

"Well I'm right here and maybe you'd have seen me if you'd stop flirting with your customers and did your job properly." You said and at this point you were seething because even though she knew you were right there, she hadn't spared you a glance and pretend like you were completely invisible.

"Oh, so that's who you are....I was wondering why such an ugly person would be hanging out with someone like him-" she pauses and looks into Izuku's eyes with a bored expression "-you need to raise your standards, I mean have you looked at how hideous their nose is or how ugly their face is."

The two of you froze. Sure You've always made fun of yourself before but this was the exact reason why. You've always told yourself that if you'd make fun of yourself, you'd be desensitized to what others say to you but it's only now you realize that no amount of preparation would ever be enough to handle the real thing.

Shame. Humiliation. Pain. Fear.....This is what you felt at the momen-

"How. Dare. You." You turned towards Izuku and for the first time ever you were met with the most terrifying expression on his face. His eyes were dark and he looked...mad....like really really mad and you froze, the cashier looked like she was about to cry with the look he was giving her.

"I don't know who you think you are but you had no need to say whatever you just said and you are wrong because they have the most gorgeous facial features ever." at this he turned to you and softened his eyes a bit, he reached for your hand and gave you a gentle squeeze.

"I promise you sweetheart, you will always be the most beautiful person in my life and no one can tell you otherwise-" he looked at the slack jawed cashier with disgust and pointed towards her "-not stupid people like her-" he looked back into your eyes like you were the only two people in the store and pointed towards himself "-not me and lastly never will you ever tell yourself those kinds of words again even as a joke, got it."

Always openly staring at you in the most respectful way ✨.

Even before y'all started dating he would always stare at you in secret, but hey! it's not his fault you were so irresistibly attractive all the time.

Uhm...so moving on, he is observant as heck especially when it comes to you but unfortunately he's just as oblivious T_T.

He's always noticed how you'd get shy and walk away whenever he'd stare at you for too long and genuinely thinks it's adorable at how bashful you get.

But truthfully.....you're mortified, paranoid even at how much he stares at you.

I mean yeah it's adorable to see him so whipped for you but you're always wondering if he's secretly bashing your side profile in his head and the thought makes you wince ever single time.

But you always tell yourself to not let your insecurities define Shoto or effect your relationship and besides Shoto isn't a cruel person, he'd never think of you that way.....right...?

Oh God, he's doing it again, he's staring at you and this time it truly is terrible because he is seated right beside you. The two of you are seated wooden chairs, side by side in the U.A. library.

Your textbooks and notebooks are spread out on the table in front of you. You're in a more secluded part of the library opting to study in a more private area and boy oh boy did Shoto take advantage of that.

"Shoto, could you please stop staring at me like that". You held your textbook upto your face and looked the other way.

"But I want to look at you". Shoto pouted slightly and furrowed his brows at your actions, he reached for your wrists and tried to pull them down and to much to your inconvenience, he succeeded.

You see, while you still had a bunch of work left to do, Shoto had finished about 15 minutes ago. You told him to go back to the dorms but instead of listening to you, he denied your offer and has been staring at you with the most unreadable expression on his face.

"Why can't I admire the one that I love the most". He slightly tilted his head towards the side and flashed you the most genuine smile. Damn him for being so adorable but that's not enough for your insecurities to go away.

"Because I'm ugly". You finally said softly with your head hung low and tears threatening to fall. You wanted to shrivel up in a corner and fade away for sounding so vulnerable but at the same time it felt so good to let your thoughts out.

"You're....what..." His eyes were wide and his jaw was set a slack. Now this took him by surprise, he had expected a lot of things but never once had he expected....that. He gently grabbed your chin and tilted your face to meet his. "Love, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, why would you ever say that."

"Because I'm not beautiful, everyone has such a gorgeous face especially from their side. I don't and you don't have to lie to me to make feel better about myself. I know I'm ugly and I'll always be that....just let me accept that and be Shoto." You said with your voice slightly raised and shaky from the lump in your throat.

Shoto's eyes darkened a little and his grip on you tightened a little but not enough to hurt you. To even think that someone as precious as yourself could ever have such awful thoughts about yourself- how long have you been silently suffering like this all by yourself.

He cupped your cheeks with his hands and met your eyes with the most determined look on his face. "Darling, I don't know who said that to you or even if that's an inside voice but, I will absolutely never let you accept yourself this way."

"Everything about you is perfect, from those gorgeous eyes that i always get lost in," he kisses your eyes.

"-to that perfect nose that helps you breath so you could live by my side another," he kisses your nose.

"-to those delicate beckoning lips that I wish to kiss forever." he finally captures your lips in a breath taking kiss just to slowly release them and look at you.

"And besides, you know better than to call me a liar baby, you know that I would never lie when it comes to you so let's pack up for today and let me show you how much I love you and how utterly enticing you are."

[dreamiesdotcom]

perhaps, Cupid | nct dream

Summary: You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, and hope that the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

word count: 2.3k

moon's note: idk why but i usually give gifts during occasions... and out of random... but since its v-day and i caNT give y'all any gifts because idk which part of the world you lovelies are at, so maybe you can please have 2322 words of my nonsense? I tried

When Lee Jeno, the infamous Na Jaemin's best friend, walked inside the room to the dance club's meeting room with all sheepish 'Hello's and eye-smiles, you underestimated just how much havoc he could bring into your life. He seemed way too soft for his own good like he had no mischief under his sleeve — the exact reason why when he poked your sides to get your attention and asked you if you'd "help the dumb kids get together", you were more thrilled than concerned.

Right now, you think you should've agreed with Renjun and said 'that's a bad idea'.

Donghyuck, Jaemin's dormmate, wasn't even there when you planned things out, but well, you blame him. Jaemin bitterly staring at Jisung as the younger gets cuddled by Chenle? Hyuck's fault. Jisung blushing incomprehensible whenever it's Jaemin's turn to dance? Hyuck's fault. It's been days and resident sweet boy absolutely makes no move to court Jisung? Hyuck's fault as well.

"This pining is painful to watch," even Renjun can't help but point out even if he didn't even agree to the plan. Jeno sends you a victorious smile. "Jaemin, he's crushing hard on you."

"Yes, but what if he doesn't like me because—" you don't even get to clearly hear his reasons. You shake your head. Jeno's smile falters.

Jaemin sulks a lot about Jisung spending more time with Renjun than he does with Chenle, and asks the other if Jisung has a crush on him. Renjun groans in loathing, asks him to just go and make a move and repeats the same speech for days. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and absolutely nothing happens.

Oh, well, maybe something did. Maybe along the way, you realized that Lee Jeno is one hell of an attractive man.

"Heaven's, Jeno, stop it! Stop pushing me to the side, I can't see what they're doing!"

"They're reading a book for the subject Jisung's tutoring Jaemin in."

"It's a library. Aren't you just inquisitive? That's why they're here. Now let me see!"

"Y/N!"

"Jeno!" you hiss back, still whisper-yelling turning to decently state at him only to find that he's already looking at you. You tilt away in shock, "Flippity pancakes, distance!"

You see, when you start matchmaking, the goal is to get people together — definitely not fall in love with your partner in crime.

"Just say fuck, no one would kill you," he hisses back. The same whining tone is there as he peeks on the other table, "Saying 'flippity pancakes' in a weird accent doesn't wash away your intentions, so just say it already."

"No."

"I dare you."

"No!"

"I double-dare you."

"Jeno."

"Y/N."

"No."

"Do it," he huffs,"Say 'fuck'."

The way he mouths it as if teaching a child to say their first words make you burst out laughing, and for the rest of the day, you forget the mission and get lost into playing games of your own in the library, muffled hums and all. Renjun decides that he's not gonna get any studying done at this table and waves you both goodbye, and you watch as Jeno smiles at him, an expression worthy to compare to that of a luminous star.

And oh, you're in love.

It wasn't all your fault, though. Jeno was way too pretty, too lovely to not fall for. It just so happens that like the fate of you and all things beautiful, you don't deserve him.

You don't deserve him, so he never gets to know.

###

"Be my date for Valentine's day?"

"Hell no."

Apparently, his family has this little gathering that coincidentally matched that time, and he stubbornly refuses to go alone. Why you ask? No reason. He just doesn't want to 'go alone and be forced to socialize with mean cousins' and you spent most of the time teasing about how he's probably one of the mean kids in his family. The rest of the bus ride on the way to school remains silent aside from the neverending proposals and bribings — "I'll treat you candy for one month! I'll do whatever you say for three months! I'll even do your assignments!"

It would be a lie to say it's not tempting, but oh, isn't this just the perfect opportunity to ask Jisung out? The enthusiasm in Jeno's eyes matches yours, and the answer is obvious here: Exactly.

For a whole different reason, the bus ride home is silent too. You sit side by side in pure quiet, Jaemin tugging at your sleeves every now and then to gain your attention. You brush him off, keeping your head against the glass with your eyes closed. You don't speak even after getting inside his apartment and the indifference makes Donghyuck pause halfway his concerned nagging, deciding to usher Renjun and Jeno out with such lame excuse of buying ingredients for dinner.

You go straight to their bathroom to get some supplies, and Jaemin sits on the couch, antsy. He silently curses Donghyuck for leaving, Huang Renjun and Lee Jeno too, those traitors. You sit in front of him, doing your stuff without making eye contact.

"Please talk to me—"

"Shut up."

A dejected whimper leaves his lips, and you quite possibly break. You sigh as if to calm down, and you mutter a warning: "Don't."

"But why aren't you talking to me?"

Why... why would you even ask that?

"You promised me, Jaemin. You made a promise to me." you coldly say, dainty fingers pressing cotton against the cut in his lip. "You promised me that you'll stop getting into fights."

Realization seems to flash in his eyes. He seems torn between reasoning and apologizing, but first, he chases after the hand you pulled away from him. You shrug him off harshly this time.

"I did, for the longest time, you saw that! But he called Jisung a—" he looks at you with betrayed eyes, as if a kicked puppy. He never liked that tone. He never liked how distant that felt coming from you, so tears brim his eyes. "Don't be so cold to me..."

"Jisung let him be. Isn't that enough hint that it's not worth it?" your tone remains the same. The fear in your chest remains stubborn, and no matter how many times he squeezes the hand he's holding, it doesn't bring you ease. It only urges tears that you try so hard to hold back as you croak out,

"Jaemin, this will not make him fall in love with you."

The world seems to pause.

"But I already love him." He answers quickly, honestly, and the raw sincerity in his tone is just a fine, thorough stab in the gut. "And I just want to protect him."

It's painful how you're not even regretting this as much as you should — maybe, part of the reason you keep on chasing him is because it's painful. True to your twisted self, maybe it's the sole reason after all. You don't know why you keep on doing this to yourself — you hate it. You hate how the more things hurt you, the deeper you fall. You hate how you can't seem to tear away from him as quick as possible because you know that what comes next will be even more painful, and might even destroy you.

With all these thoughts inside your mind, you let him lean his head in the crook of your neck, holding him in the way you always wanted. Selfishly, you hope that it could always be like this.

"I know, Nana..." you whisper, his locks soft as silk as you brush them with your fingers. "and for the exact same reason, I want to protect you too."

You take a deep, shaky breath. "So don't hurt yourself. Not for anyone, not for the world... no matter how much you love them."

Why is it so easy to say the things that'd keep you safe, but so hard to even attempt just following them? It's as if the Universe wants you hurt, wants to see you bleed unshed blood. It doesn't make sense.

The rules have been pretty simple; never fall in love. You're helping people get together — you come later, priorities first. Don't fall in love; not with your partner, not with your other accomplices, and especially, not with the fools you're helping.

The rule has been simple. Only that you think, it was way easier to break them than to follow, and you've failed this rule pretty early on.

Just how can you not adore Na Jaemin?

###

You laugh loudly, almost hitting your head to your headboard as you look at Jisung's post. In the picture, Jaemin smiles bubbly, and the caption's way too cheesy to read. Even though you were the one who helped them get together, it's still hard to believe that they actually did, these messes of human beings. You type out a quick 'Congrats to surviving one year together. Give credits to my brain cells, pls' and then turning the device off.

You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, hope the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

Your phone vibrates in your hold, and you grumble.

From: not hyuck

Hi

It's Valentine's day

Let's use that as an excuse to get ice cream at midnight

You stir, set on ignoring his message, but you quickly shoot up once you hear the sound of something — hopefully not pebbles, God, let it not be pebbles — hitting your window. Seriously?!

To: not hyuck

Is that

Is that you throwing stones at my fucking window

STOP YOU MIGHT BREAK THE GLASS

And that's exactly how you found yourself with sticky fingers from the desert's residue, watching red lights cover the city in celebration of love. It seems ironic. Today of all days, you don't feel dear at all — it's alright, you convince yourself, it's been a year and it's hurting less now.

It's all lies, of course. It doesn't matter that it wasn't this painful all the other days; what matters is that now it hurts, and it fucking hurts like hell.

From up here, if you spread your arms and think hard enough, the wind would make it seem as though you're flying. You do just like that, the flavor of vanilla suddenly so bitter on your tongue as you realize that there's no escape. Oh, how you hate this day. It makes you chuckle.

Renjun sighs, "What's troubling you?"

"Fun. What gave me away?"

"Your eyes." He shrugs. "They sure tell more things about you than your mouth does."

"How do they look?" you ask out of curiosity, unconsciously moving up to feel your lashes. "My eyes..."

"Well, right now... they look kind of conflicted. Sad. Happy. Somewhere in between, like the person who owns them... doesn't really know. And, well, they're incredibly..." Renjun ponders for a bit; beautiful, he wanted to say. "Hard to read."

"Doesn't sound like it if you said that much."

Did it sound so rude that you were nonchalant? Probably. You're too tired to mind, though. It'd be a lie to say you didn't expect this, to feel alone once they get together, to be scared of being erased in their lives, to be afraid of being less important now. You knew none of them would be real, but that doesn't stop you from being afraid. Would it make sense to say you don't care at all, at this point? To say you don't give a damn when truly, you do. You care so much you feel indifferent.

"You liked them, didn't you?"

And then comes along the question you're most afraid of.

"You were in love with Jisung... now, you're in love with Jaemin." he muses to himself, "Yet you're the one making sure they end up together. What the hell are you?"

Since there's no place for lies in friendship...

"Do you see the way they look? They deserve to be happy, and me... well. Well, I..." you search for words you can't seem to find. After all, you don't even know where to go now — isn't this what you wanted? For Jisung and Jaemin to get together. What's this all about? You bemusedly shake your head, "Should've just fallen for you, huh."

Accelerate, heartbeat, flying — you turn to look at his direction — your eyes tell, your eyes say so much... how do you feel?

"You'd catch me, right, Renjunnie?"

"I'm not some back-up plan, excuse you." He rolls his eyes, huffing, "But, why not? Certainly. Would be my pleasure."

You stare at him in wonder, awestruck, amused and amazed. It's just a random joke you made so you wouldn't have to answer him truthfully, but goddamn, this — you feel oddly seen, chosen; as if you've never been chosen before. Maybe he's right. His heart picks up speed as more minutes pass in silence, so he looks away and smiles sheepishly.

Renjun closes his eyes briefly, "You didn't answer my question, though. To do whatever the hell you were doing... what the fuck are you?"

Both poison and sugar linger on your lips as you smile.

"Perhaps, Cupid."

Maybe, yes, right, Cupid. Makes sense. A matchmaker who creates perfect love, and quite possibly, trouble. Always setting people up but maybe not themselves. Renjun agrees, and so he whispers,

"Suits you. An angel."

You stare at him again, only this time around it's soft but startled, and for a brief moment of losing himself, Renjun whispers in his mind — hey, Cupid. Love me, will you?

Instead, in the real world, he gives you the same exact gaze — only fonder. Renjun knows. He knows that you fell in love thrice in this journey; once, with Park Jisung, another, with Lee Jeno, and lastly, with Na Jaemin. 

Maybe, just maybe, Renjun wishes that at this tale of Valentine's chapter closed, you'll fall in love with him too.

[ethanharli]

Parings: Tanjiro Kamado x Top Male Reader

Warnings: Cursing

DNI; if you use she/her pronouns.

[A/n]- I took this from my Seme Male Reader book on Wattpad so um- yeah! Hope y'all like it.

____________

"For fucks sake Tanjiro!" I grumbled, pulling the stubborn male down into my lap, not caring for the yelp that ripped through his throat as I did so. "Watch your language [Y/n]!" Tanjiros mother scolded, pointing a spatula at me with a scary gaze that I swear only mothers can manage. "Yes ma'am! I'm sorry" I smiled a bit before turning my gaze back to the tired red head resting against my chest, practically dozing off in my lap. I sighed through my nose, pushing the male up in order to brush my fingers through his long hair, earning a sigh of content from him, "You need to stop over working yourself Tanjiro, its not good for your health" I whispered just loud enough for him to hear while I fixed up his hair, pulling it into a small ponytail.

"And don't tell me none of that 'I'm the oldest' crap it doesn't matter, you shouldn't just put all these responsibilities on yourself like this" My eyes narrowed a bit, feeling a dull ache pull at my heart but quickly pushed it away, finishing up the ponytail in a quick motion. I've been around for a long time, just being a year or so older then the red head that I've known since he was born, after their fathers death Tanjiro made it his job to do whatever he could to help out, even if that meant he'd stumble through my doors at ungodly hours of the night because for once he knew he couldn't do something on his own. My attention was brought back when I heard soft snores and more weight applied on my body, realizing he had fell asleep against me as I was thinking.

"I'm glad he has you around" My gaze shifted towards Tanjiro's mother, who watched us with a loving gaze in her eye's, "He's such a stubborn boy, but he listens to you more than anyone" Her words caused me to pout when a blush crept up my cheeks, grumbling a bit under my breath I wrapped my arm securely around Tanjiro's waist while slipping my other one under his legs, lifting him and myself off the ground with ease. "He talks about you a lot y'know? He admires you, looks up to you, so truly [Y/n] thank you" My grip tighten a bit, not realizing until Tanjiro shifted in my arms, but I couldn't help the harsh pain that spread through my chest, gripping at my core with guilt weighing down on me.

You shouldn't be.

I bit back the words, and showed a fake smile before going to set Tanjiro on his bed. Gently brushing a few stands of hair out of his face before hesitantly leaning down, pressing a soft kiss to the scar on his forehead, "I'm sorry, but this needs to be done.." Was all I could utter out before leaving the house, feeling the first flakes of snow land on my [S/t] skin, looking back at the house I smiled softly, taking in all the memories I've had here, before finally walking into the woods. Letting a green glow coat my figure as I dragged my claws against a frail tree trunk, disappearing into the snow.

------

Blood seeped into the snow as a foot pressed firmly into my chest, slowly breaking the bone beneath it. "You really thought you could protect them? You're weak, and never stood a chance so just lay here and die" The breath was knocked out of me when I was kicked into a tree, forcing a searing pain to spread throughout my back as my canines pierced my tongue in order to hold back my scream, not wanting to give the male any satisfaction. "You're no guardian, so give up the act already" The words weighed down on me along with the previous scenes that passed through my mind, the screams from the kids I've grown to adore, the silent pleas of a mother begging for her childrens lives to be spared, he was right, I am no guardian, not anymore.

I don't remember how long I laid in the snow before I finally crawled my way over to Nezuko, after noticing she still had a faint pulse. My wounds took much longer to heal since I haven't eaten in years, and I've been fighting off sleep for as long as I could remember, my body felt as if it was giving out but I simply wouldn't allow it, not after failing to save the only people who took care of me, who gave me a home. Pulling Nezuko into my arms I felt tears slowly slide down my bloodied and bruised cheeks, "I'm so sorry Nezuko" I coughed out, not paying attention to the sound of footsteps approaching, nor the sound of something hitting the ground. "[Y/n]? Nezuko?" The broken whisper caused my eyes to widen in panic, looking over to see Tanjiro standing before me with broken, disbelieving eye's.

He quickly ran over to us, dropping to his knees frantically. "Wh-what- are you-" He fumbled, not forming any real words until I brushed my fingers against his cheek in a soft, soothing motion that always seemed to calm him down. Tears slowly spilled from those beautiful dark red eyes, "I'm sorry Tanjiro.." I held but an ironic laugh, knowing that the only thing I can and have done is apologize, but I slowly guided his face towards mine, resting his forehead against mine that formed a familiar green glow, "Please forget" I laughed out a saddened cry, shifting around so that I could settle Nezuko in his arms, "Please forget I was here."

------

"[Y/n]..?" A groan ripped past my aching throat, the feeling of webs tightening around my body restricting me from any movement becoming known once again as I attempted to open my eyes, feeling to weak to do so as I listened to the shed doors slide open, expecting Rui to enter and use me once again. "Get on with it Rui.. There's nothing you can do, That you haven't already done.." My voice came barely above a whisper flexing my hands a bit, causing my claws to sharpen by the slightest as a familiar warm feeling spread across my cheek, finally forcing my eyes to open, only to be meet with a beautiful dark red. "Oh, hi.." Was the only thing I could mutter out when Tanjiro looked at me through that familiar concerned glare of his, it was only a split second until the webbing broke, and the sudden weight of gravity pulled me down, causing me to land against Tanjiro's toned chest.

Sobs echoed through the rotted shed, feeling the warmth of Tanjiros body against mine sending me into a peaceful state as he cried into my shoulder, gripping tightly onto my bare bleeding torso. "I-I missed you so much!" The sudden cry made my ears ring, hissing a bit at the action, earning a string of apologizes from the red head when he placed both hands against my cheeks, resting his forehead against my own, just like I had done last time we saw each other. We sat there for a moment, breaths mingling along with the soft noise of sniffles coming from Tanjiro, tears still slowly falling from his eyes. Gently I took his wrists in my hands, watching as his eyes fluttered open, catching my gaze with his own.

"I missed you too.." My words fell on deaf ears when I leaned in, capturing his lips with my own in a slow, desperate motion. Feeling my heart slam against my ribcage when he kissed back, tilting his head to deepen the kiss while my hand moved to his cheek, being careful so I wouldn't accidentally cut him with my claws. Pulling away in order to fall against his chest, laying my head on his shoulder, slowly falling back into the comforting darkness.

------

A gasp ripped past my throat as I sprung forward, reaching out for the figure that still lingered in my distant memory, "Tanjiro.." His name rolled of my tongue with such longing that my chest ached at the thought of not being near him. Only for my eyes to widen when a calloused hand took mine in there's, seeing the male I had just called out for standing besides me with a worried yet relieved gaze. Turning towards him I watched as he sat down on the chair besides the bed I was in, keeping my hand in his as he did so, "I thought I'd never see you again" He whimpered out, tears slowly gathering in his eyes while his grip on my hand tightened. "And when I opened that shed I thought.. I thought you were-" With saddened eyes I quickly pulled the male into my lap, like I used to do all those years ago.

My arms tightened around his waist, desperate to finally have him back in my arms again, "Im still here though aren't I? I promise I won't leave your side again, not until you want me too" I uttered out, slowly remembering that he must know what I am by now, but here he is, not struggling nor screaming while in my grasp. "Then stay by my side forever! I can't.. I can't bare to see you leave again" The words weighed down on me, causing my shoulders to sag as I let out pathetic sigh until Tanjiro turned my gaze back towards him. His arms wrapped around my neck while his fingers laced through my hair, dark red eyes staring into my [E/c] ones with a deep wanting lingering within them.

His breath hitched when my eyes fluttered closed, taking his lips with mine in attempt to feel that warm loving feeling again, that only he could give me. He moved his lips with mine in a slow motion as his fingers tightened their grip on my hair, while I pressed him closer against me craving for more of the warmth he provided, along with the taste of his lips. Tanjiro gave me a look of confusion when I parted or lips, scrunching my nose up in slight disgust, "You taste like medicine" Was all I could speak before he erupted into a fit of laughter that sounded like music to my ears.

My eyes softened as I watched the male seeing his usual wide smile when I rested my hand on his cheek, gently running my thumb over the dark bag under his eye, "I love you Tanjiro, I always have.." I admitted, with a small grin.

"I love you too [Y/n].."

[brokenmemoriesblog]

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Jordan Valentine (F! MC)

Book: Open heart

Summary: Torn between the woman he loves and her keeping her job. Ethan was given a tough choice make but is it the right choice? let's find out.

A/N: This is definitely something that was supposed to be small and short I wasn't planning on making it long or anything but let me know how y'all like it. Most people on Instagram are asking for chapter 2. So here y'all go enjoy it my loves ❤

Ethan sit’s in his office looking at a case file when he hears the door open, he looks up in hopes it’ll be Jordan, but when he sees who it is his expression changes.

“Bloom, how can I help you?”

Leland Bloom looks at him with a steely smile, as he goes to sit across from Ethan. They stare each other down for a brief moment as bloom clears his throat.

“ Good afternoon Ethan, how’s it going?”

Ethan looks shocked and cautiously chooses his words. He hates Bloom and he knows he’ll never just visit just for the hell of it. So he takes a deep breath and he continued to stare at him until he finally spoke up.

“Bloom”

Leland looks at him and smiles as he adjusts his coat and he leans forward.

“How’s Dr. Valentine doing?”

Ethan looks at him and he raises a brow curious as to where Leland is going with this. He must be up to something if he brought up Jordan like that. Bloom continues to smile while Ethan glares at him. He waits patiently for him to speak.

“ What do you need bloom”

Leland smiles and nods at him

“I’ve recently become aware of your relationship with Dr. Valentine.”

Bloom gets up as he starts to slowly walk back and forth. Ethan waits to see where the conversation is going, He’d rather think than react first.

“ That’s none-”

Bloom raises a hand cutting him off he makes his way back over to him and leans over his desk shooting daggers at him.

“ I think you forget Dr. Ramsey, This is my hospital, I know all the ins and outs of this place, I know the gossip, and I know you and Dr. Valentine are involved. Now listen closely because I’ll say this once and once only. Since you haven’t found a way to cure my Caroline I have no choice but to remove Dr. Valentine from the team. Hell, I can even have her fired from the hospital. I’ve already made your life a living hell. What I say goes. So until you find a way to cure my Caroline, your relationship with Dr. Valentine comes to an end. Or fail to do so and goodbye valentine. Think It over Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan continues to sit at his desk as he watches Bloom walk out of his office. He sinks in his chair and his heart races faster than before.

“Fuck”

He stands up and he swipes everything off his desk. He’s angry and now frustrated by the ultimatum Bloom just gave him. He loves Jordan and he doesn’t ever plan on hurting her. But this is her job that’s at risk, and now the bloom is the ringmaster. Ethan paces back and forth as he tries to figure out what to do. He looks over at the mess and he can see the photo he had on his desk of him and Jordan is shattered and on the ground. Anxiety kicks in and he knows what he has to do. But how can he break her heart, she’s the love of his life and he’s hers. Bloom pulling that stunt is like pulling the trigger to a loaded gun.

After Bloom's unexpected visit, Ethan sits at his desk contemplating what his next move is. He buries his head in his hands and he lets out a frustrated sigh. He sighs and leans back in his chair and he sits there staring off in the distance. He's unsure how long he's sat there and didn’t realize that someone had walked in.

“Ethan?”

Jordan looks at him and she raises a brow she makes her way over to his side of the desk and she looks at him.

“Ethan”

She said his name again and he still notices didn’t her so she gently touched his arm and he snaps back into reality. He looks at her and his eyes soften and he smiles at her. But then he realized the ultimatum Bloom gave him and suddenly his smile fades.

“I’m sorry did you say something?”

He looks at her as she looks back at him. He can see she’s worried for him. But she doesn’t ask, she probably thinks he’s stressed over a case or something so she doesn’t press the matter.

“Ethan, is everything okay? You seem kind of out of it.”

Jordan looks back at him; he shifts and avoids eye contact with her. He also avoids the question when he looks back down at the folder.

“I’m fine Dr. Valentine, is there anything I can help you with?”

Jordan blinks and she raises her brows, shocked at the tone he used and the fact he called her ‘Dr. Valentine versus Jordan. She clears her throat as she adjusts herself.

“Dr. Valentine? Okay, what’s going on Ethan, you never call me that unless you're in a bad mood.”

He looks up at her, he bites his tongue, he doesn't want to be cold and stern to her. He hates it. She doesn't deserve this, all he wants is to be happy, and they were until a while ago when bloom came in. He looks at her, he takes off his glasses and he sighs.

“I'm fine, don't worry, just a stressful case is all. Is your shift over? If so, are you ready to go home?”

Jordan looks at him, and she nods as she slowly gathers her belongings as Ethan sits there staring at her. His heart sank and he couldn't let her know about what was to come. All he knew was that they'd both be hurt in the end. So he braces himself for the inevitable. She walks out of the office and doesn't wait for him. He slowly gathers his things he takes off his coat, hangs it up, and he takes a deep breath as he makes his way towards the parking garage.

Once at the parking garage, Jordan leans against the car as Ethan approaches the driver’s side and quickly turns on the car. Jordan sits in the passenger seat, she buckles up and he puts the car into drive. They make their way home in silence.

Once they arrived at the apartment complex they sat there in silence, Jordan looked over at him and she gently placed a hand on his leg. He looks over at her and he sighs, he leans forward and he plants a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Forgive me”

He whispered to her softly, she pulled back and smiled at him.

“It's okay, I forgive you. We all have bad days”

She gives him a soft kiss to the lips and he melts Into her instantly he tangles his hand in her hair.

“Ready to head up?”

She looks at him and she nods, she gets out of the car and gathers her belongings. He watches her as he leans back into his seat.

“ Aren’t you coming?”

He looks over at her and he nods.

“Yeah babe, I’ll be right up.”

Jordan smiles as she makes her way to the elevator. She turns back to look at him and she smiles as she waits for it. He smiles back. He starts to overthink again about what’s about to happen and tears start to form in his eyes.

“Fuck, she’ll hate me..”

he whispered to himself as he wiped his eyes and he quickly adjusted himself. Before he got out of his car and made his way up to his apartment.

Once he walks in Jordan sits at the kitchen island waiting for him. He slowly enters and she looks up and smiles.

“So I was thinking for dinner, we can make pasta, or I can make enchiladas”

She looks at him and he stands there looking at the floor, Jordan’s smile fades and he clears his throat.

“ I think it’s best if we broke up”

Jordan looks confused at Ethan as she tries to understand what he just said.

“Wha- Why?”

She struggled to speak as Ethan looked away from her, she blinked back her tears and he can hear her sniffle, he bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to avoid his tears taking over.

“ I don’t see this working out… I think it’s best if we just went our separate ways..”

Jordan wipes her tears away and she makes her way to the closest to grab a suitcase. After doing that, she walks past Ethan, looking down as he crosses his arms over his chest. He sniffles a bit and looks back up as he can hear Jordan throwing hangers across the room.

He comes up behind her and he puts his arms around her, she flinches and shoves him back.

“Don’t… you… fucking.. Dare!…..”

His back hits the wall as she begins to hit him he tries to embrace her to keep her from hitting him but he fails.

“ Stop it… Jordan… Stop… I SAID STOP!!.”

Jordan looks at Ethan and she can see tears taking over as his eyes start to glisten as he tries to embrace her; she takes a step back as he takes another step and she slaps him.

“ Go hell Ethan Ramsey…”

Jordan gathers her suitcase and makes her way for the door she stops and she grabs the key ring she takes off his key to the apartment and tosses them to the side

After Jordan leaves the apartment she makes her way towards the elevator to exit the building. As she leaves Ethan’s apartment building she sits on the steps on the brink of tears she sits there for a brief moment. She lifts her head back up, wipes her tears, and calls for a car to take her back to her apartment.

Once she arrives at the apartment her friends notice her walking in. and Sienna is quick to notice that she’d been crying.

“Jordan what happened!? Why do you have a suitcase with you?”

Everyone looks at her confused wondering the same thing, but they don’t push or pester her with what happened. Bryce walks up and he wraps her into a big hug and she cries against him.

“ What did he do? and am I going to be pissed off about it”

All he hears is her sniffling and he slowly sways with her and a second later Elijah, Jackie, Raf, Sienna, and Aurora come up and join in with them.

Jordan pulls away and she wipes away her tears as she looks down as everyone surrounds her. They all looked concerned for her and Sienna rubs her back gently as she tries to calm down.

“ I… I don’t want to talk… about it… please”

She goes to walk away when Sienna stops her, and she hugs her.

“Please tell us what happened, Jordan were here for you no matter what”

She bites her lip and she sniffles again, she grabs her duffel bag and quietly makes her way back to her old room, and shuts the door behind her.

As Jordan enters her room she shuts the door behind her and locks it. She drops her duffle on the floor and makes her way towards her bed. Jordan lays in the center of her bed curled into a ball and she begins to cry. Wondering where she went wrong, wondering how it happened, and wondering why she wasn't good enough. She continues to cry until sleep starts to take over.

The next morning Jordan was woken up by a loud knock on the door. She gets startled and grabs her pillow and places it over her head. The knocking continues and Jordan groans. “Go Away!” She tries her hardest to go back to sleep but the persistent knocking continues. Finally, she sits up, hair a mess, eyes puffy, she gets up and makes her way to the door. The knocking continues and finally, she swings the door open. “ I said-“ she looks up and standing in front of her is a familiar tall slender figure. Her eyes go wide when she sees Ethan standing in front of her. He stands there looking down to the floor, his hands in his pockets. He looks like he didn’t sleep all night either, he looks a mess just as she does. Jordan looks at him and she goes to shut the door on him when he puts his foot out and the door stops halfway.

“What do you want….”

She looks down and bites the inside of her cheek. He looks at her and he sniffles a bit. She looks away and he finally moves his foot from the door frame. Jordan raises a brow and quickly shuts the door in his face. Ethan sighs and he composes himself. He knocks again on her bedroom door and yet she still doesn’t answer.

“Jordan open the door please..”

Ethan goes from knocking to banging on her door. Finally, her door goes flowing open and Jordan stands on the other side glaring at him.

“Stop with the banging….. what the hell do you want… and how did you get in…”

Ethan looks at her and his eyes start to floss over, he looks at her and he can see the damage he caused. He didn’t mean to hurt her. He had no other choice, Bloom had the upper hand. Now it’s up to Ethan to explain it all to her. In hopes, she can realize he did it because he loves her, not because he wanted to hurt her. As Ethan continues to stand there looking at her she starts to sniffle again. She goes to shut the door once more and he steps forward.

“Sienna, she let me in… also I was wondering if we can grab some coffee…You deserve an explanation for last night….”

In a flash, Jordan slaps Ethan and he clenches his jaw. He rubs his cheek and he looks back at her. He slowly nods as she glares at him.

“I don’t want to hear your sorry ass excuses!…. You can go home, or go run off to a third world country for all I care… go to hell and leave me alone….”

Ethan stands there silent and he looks down, he goes to take a step forward towards her, and she inches back.

“Sweetheart, please…. Just hear me out… I never meant to hurt you…”

Jordan shakes her head and takes another step back into her room as Ethan takes a step forward. She tries to shove him out but he won’t move.

“Get out!…. Go away!…. Go to hell!…. I hate you!…. I hate you!!. I FUCKING HATE YOU!….”

Jordan swats are him as he stands there and she slowly falls to the ground and she begins to cry. Ethan’s eyes water as he sees her sit on the ground crying he goes to take a step forward when he hears a voice behind him.

“What the hell are you doing here!”

Ethan turns around and he sees Bryce looking at him. They stare each other down and Bryce gets closer to Ethan, almost trying to intimidate him. Bryce hears Jordan sniffling and he sees she’s on the ground; he goes to rush over to her and Ethan gets in the way.

“You stay the hell away from her! You’ve caused her enough pain time and time again. She doesn’t want you here so do her a favor and leave before I decide to kick your ass, Ramsey”

They continue to have a stare-off, Bryce looks back at Ethan, neither of them backing down. Bryce takes a step forward and is about to grab him by his collar when they both see Kordan standing between them. She has her arms out to both of them trying to keep them fighting. She looks at Bryce and then back at Ethan.

“Jordan, please…. I just want to talk…”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you man, what part of that don’t you get”

Jordan looks at Ethan and her bottom lip begins to quiver. She wipes her tears away from her eyes and she sees Bryce take a step closer. She gently shoved him back and she glared at him.

“You want to talk…. Fine… we do it here… but whatever you have to say…. You can say it in front of my friends….”

Ethan looks at her and he nods. Jordan turns back to look at Bryce but he doesn't look in her direction. Glaring Bryce slowly walks away and heads to the living room, Sienna slowly walks up and she looks down as Jordan gives her a look.

“I’m sorry for letting him in, you can stay mad at me if you want, but his reasoning is a good one. You need to hear him out”

Jordan looks back over at Ethan, his head hangs low and he nods as their eyes meet. Jordan bites the inside of her cheek hoping she made the right decision. She sighs and she wipes her tears away. She turns to go towards her bedroom, but she feels a hand gently tugging on her wrist before she can enter. She looks back and sees Ethan holding onto her. She gives him a weak smile and she pulls her hand back towards him. She makes her way back into her slowly shutting the door behind her.

Once she's in her room, Jordan shuts the door behind her and she slums against it. She buries her face in her knees and she softly cries hoping if Ethan is on the other side he won't hear her. After a few minutes of sitting on the floor, Jordan stands up and walks towards the mirror in her room. She looks at herself and she can see her face puffed up, her eyes are red and puffy, along with her nose. She sniffles as she fixes her hair putting it into a high messy bun, then proceeds to change into sweats and a hoody. A few moments later she opens her door from her room and Ethan looks up at her as he leans against the wall facing her door, She looks at him and she goes to make her way towards the living room when she stops to look at him.

“This reason of yours better be good…. Otherwise, I'm gone Ethan, do you hear me….. I'm gone… “

Ethan looks at her and his heart starts to race, he's not sure if it's the anxiety that scares him or the fact she said she'd be gone if his reasoning wasn't good enough. Hell, maybe it was both that scares him. He's unsure but what he does know is that he plans on making sure she stays in Boston and he plans on making sure he can get her back. Ethan slowly follows Jordan to the living room where all the roomies, Bryce and Raf await. Ethan looks a bit nervous due to all the glares he's getting but he wants to make it right. Better yet he has to make it right.

Ethan takes a deep breath as he sits down on the sofa, he turns to look at Jordan and she raises a brow as she sits across from him. His mind starts to wonder, as he tries to figure out the right way to say it. In hopes, she'll believe him about Bloom's ultimatum so he decides to go for it in hopes she’ll believe him.

“ I never meant to hurt you in any way, I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you…”

Jordan looks at Ethan and she can see his eyes start to gloss over, she sits there as she patiently waits for him to continue but he takes a moment to choose his next words cautiously. He’s about to proceed when he’s interrupted

“You’re seriously not going to listen to this Bullshit, are you? You never meant to hurt her! But yet here we are you keep doing it,”

Ethan looks up at Bryce as he stands behind Jordan, she quickly turns around to look at him. She raises a brow and gives him a look he notices and he walks away and leaves the apartment. Jordan turns her attention back to Ethan.

“I thought we were fine?... What happened?... I don’t understand what I did wrong”

Ethan looks at her and he gives her a half-smile and he nods he gently strokes her cheek with the back of his hand.

“You did nothing wrong, I did nothing wrong we were doing good, Excellent in fact”

“Then what was it?...”

Jordan looks down and she sniffles a little bit, she goes to get up when Aurora hands her a box of kleenex. She looks over and softly smiles at her as she takes the box Aurora nods and gives her shoulder a small squeeze.

“Bloom, that’s what happened”

Everyone looks at each other puzzled by what they heard. Jordan included that she looks at Ethan and he’s looking down. She feels a hand on her shoulder as she looks up and Sienna gives her a small nod in agreement as to what Ethan is saying.

“Bloom? Why would Leland Bloom be behind this?”

Elijah looks at Ethan then back at the group they all shrug as they patiently wait for him to continue. Jordan looks down as Ethan waits for Jordan to respond when she doesn’t take the initiative to proceed.

“Bloom, came into my office last night and gave me an ultimatum, he knows about us and he was willing to use you against me. Your job was on the line… I wanted to protect you. I thought I was doing the right thing…. I didn’t plan on hurting you hurting us… for that matter... But when he said he’d go after your job, all because we can’t cure his wife he put me in that predicament… I know I should have told you… I know I could’ve handled it better…. But trust me when I say this I never meant to hurt you… and I mean it from the bottom of my heart..”

Jordan gets up and she starts to pace back and forth. Everyone sits quietly just looking at her waiting for her to either say or do something but instead she stops and looks out the window.

“Who knew Bloom would stoop so low, just because he can’t be happy with his wife doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to keep others from being happy.”

Elijah and the group all share the same look they look at Ethan as he looks at Jordan. He slowly gets up and walks over to her; he gently wraps his arms around her and kisses her temple. A tear rolls down her cheek and he notices he turns to look at her and she looks down. He places a finger under her chin bringing her face up so she can look at him.

“ I promise you, I mean it from the bottom of my heart this was never my intention. I never wanted this for us… I hope now that I told you… hopefully, you understand why I did it.”

She looks at him and she goes to speak but instead, she doesn’t she walks away from him as she looks back out the window.

“You still should have told me what was going on… I would’ve understood had you told me... Now we need to figure where to go from here… what do we do? Better yet, what do you want to do…?”

Ethan stands there looking at her as he shrugs not knowing what to do, Along with Jordan who has no idea what to do also. Everyone sits in silence as they continue to stare at both Ethan and Jordan.

“ I say screw Bloom, you guys come up with a game plan to keep it professional at work and keep the communication to a minimum unless it’s work-related.”

“Basically what Sienna means is pretend to hate Ethan and make his life hell”

Jackie looks at Jordan and shrugs as she smiles at her Jordan shakes her head disagreeing but she knows it’s probably best to put up a front for bloom.

“Okay then, at work we keep it strictly professional, and outside of work we…”

“We?’

“We keep it as we should together just you and I, in our little happy bubble. I’m not happy about this... But it’s only for the time being… I promise you I plan on making this right.”

Jordan looks at Ethan and she can see that he's sincere and his words are genuine. Instead of hesitating like she did before she looks at him as he looks at her and gives her a look that makes her heart beat faster than anything in the world.

“I'm holding you to it, I don't like this one bit…. But it'll give us a chance to lay low and find out what bloom is up to… In the meantime, you're forgiven... But do that again without telling me and we are done so fast that I'll transfer elsewhere. Understood”

Ethan chuckles and he slowly brings Jordan in for a kiss she pulls away but he tightens his grip around her waist bringing her closer. She smiles as she rests her forehead against his.

“I love you sweetheart”

Jordan giggles as she wraps her arms around his neck and she buries her face in his chest. He kisses the top of her head and he tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear.

“ Impossible, but I love you too”

[revchainsaw]

Bumblebee (2018)

Good Evening worshippers, and welcome! Today the Cult of Cult goes a little more mainstream than usual. It's been a while since i've tackled a big Hollywood superhero film. But I do believe that these sorts of films will be remembered fondly my small groups of people in the future, especially the smaller films that are being overshadowed by the big bad MCU, films like 2018s Bumblebee.

The Messsage

Bumblebee was originally released as a prequel to the Transformers franchise that had started all the way back in 2007. However, reboots had really hit the market as a way to breath new life into struggling franchises, and the Transformers series had already gone to just about every absurd extreme you could imagine. No changes were made to the movie as it was released, but with it's more childish and heartfelt tone, and a new aesthetic that was softer, smoother, and all around just generally more pleasing to the eye, I think it was a wise choice to rebrand Bumblebee as a new beginning.

Our story is of two friends from two very different worlds and how they came together. Our first character is Bumblebee, then known as B- number sign/it doesn't really matter. Not yet Bumblebee is a soldier set with securing a safe location for the Autobots to regroup and make their home as they suffer a pretty serious defeat on cybertron at the hands of the tyrannical Decepticons. Optimus Prime, here again voiced by Peter Cullen and looking so much more like himself, assigns this task to Bumblebee promising him that they will meet him there when the time comes. Then Optimus fucks off for the rest of the run time making way for our little hero.

Bumblebee lands on Earth and is immediately set upon by John Cena and his military goon squad. It probably would have been wise for Bumblebee to avoid John Cena but in his defense, he couldn't see him. Hardy har har. In his attempt to flee his voice box is damaged, he seeks sanctuary by taking the form of a run down little VW bug, and suffers from amnesia.

Then we have Charlie. Charlie is not like other girls. She likes cars, all the retro music, which wasn't retro when the movie takes place, so I'm supposed to just think she's a rocker but it kinda seems like she'll listen to just about anything. I think in 2018 liking Motorhead and The Smiths (who are used ad nauseum in this movie) is perfectly common, but I feel like in the 80s that was a much different and much older attitude to take.

Anyway Charlie's poor family lives in a super fucking nice house and are poor because the dialogue keeps insisting they are so it must be true despite all the shit they have that actually poor people would sell blood and teeth to attain, but hell, this is Hollywood and Hollywood poor is like regular people upper middle class. Charlies family is so poor that instead of giving her a one time graduation/birthday present to buy a part for a car she already has, they just give her a moped, She also spends all her time at a pull apart where the manager (who might be her uncle that wasn't super clear) is willing to just give her a Volkswagen so I don't understand why she didn't already have the project car up and running. Whatever, it's a plot contrivance. All you need to know is that Charlie is tenacious and hard around the edges cuz her dad is dead and she's not yet mature enough to process that in a healthy way. Maybe her character arch will teach her to let others in, we'll have to find out.

There's also a wacky nerd named Memo, and some bad guys, and John Cena. They are all also pretty archetypal and contrived and don't really do anything of note that isn't just filling a beat that this kind of movie needs to walk. Charlie starts Bumblebee up, discovers he's a robot and the two begin to bond. Charlie learns to make a friend, and bumblebee is learning about himself. They get into hijinks and get revenge on a bully girl who makes Regina George look like a saint, she pretty much only picks on Charlie exclusively for having a dead dad.

The moment Bumblebee is woken back up, some technology goof em up that both he and Charlie are unaware of brings two Decepticon baddies into the picture. I don't remember their names, but since I love The Venture Brothers let's say they can be "Jet Boy and Jet Girl". Jet Boy and Jet Girl are sometimes cars, sometimes various flying military vehicles, and they make friends with the deep state and plan to get all the adrenochrome from all the orphans, or just to go find Bumblebee and beat his ass good cuz their bad guys. Let me tell y'all though, Jet Boy and Jet Girl are so bad that they don't even care that the government is listening when they reveal that they are planning on bringing a Decepticon Invasion and after they rough up Bumblebee real good they are going to destroy all life on this planet. So they start by killing a military scientist.

John Cena is after Bumblebee and he's homies with Jet Boy and Jet Girl until the military scientist butt dials him and he hears the evil plan. John Cena goes from heel to face and helps Bumblebee and Charlie save the day. It's a giant CG clusterfuck climax a la any superhero film in the last 10 years and I basically stopped watching. BumbleBee pulls a Hellraiser on Jet Boy, and then he hits Jet Girl with a freaking boat. Charlie uses her diving skills do dive down and save him, but he's a Giant Robot and he was okay and it was literally pointless for her to to except as a way to show that her character has completed her arch by doing the thing that was representative of her connection with her lost father.

Bumblebee turns into the Camaro from the first movie, meets up with Optimus prime, and the stage is set for this prequel to squeeze more prequels out. So it wasn't very creative, but was it bad? Let's find out.

Please Stand to receive the Benediction.

Best Aspect: Transform the Franchise

Bumblebee was directed by Travis Knight of Laika fame and it shows. This movie marks a stylistic change in the transformers franchise, as in it doesn't look like utter dog shit, but it also represents in many ways a tonal shift. It does hold on to a lot of gross sleaze that has unfortunately been forcibly jammed into the DNA of the franchise but it also attempts to be a more heartfelt entry. The characters of Bumblebee might all be sort of a waste of time, but at least they are doing something with emotions, even if the emotions of the characters are only explored as deeply as a children's cartoon I'm glad they are there. In the previous installments the only thing the characters did between running from action piece to seizure inducing action piece was drool over underage girls like a bunch of chimpanzees at the facility where they test experimental E.D. meds. It was nice to see that at least somewhat tampered. This transformers movie feels more like it's for kids and young teenagers, and strangely that more friendly tone makes for a much less juvenile product.

Worst Aspect: Remember I Love the 80s from the 2000s

I hope you really like Stranger Things. I do, but because Stranger Things was so successful it' s going to be everywhere. Not true Stranger Things just 80s nostalgia porn. This 80s nostalgia is going to be forced on you whether you like it or not, and it's not going to be fun. It's gonna be in your shows, in your music, in your Sunday like Bacon in 2010. It's that or Marvel Franchise Brand Whedonisms. Bumblebee is that brave movie that says, "Why not both?" It would seem fitting that a property as quintessentially 80s as Transformers should feel completely comfortable doing a period piece set in the 80's but it's so fucking half hearted it's depressing. It wasn't done to appreciate the roots of the IP, it was done to cash in on a trend and it feels it. All they did was throw up a date and insufferably force an 80s soundtrack down your throat as if that was enough to convince you that this movie needed to be set during this time. Other than that you could have told me this film was set in 2007 and I couldn't tell you any different.

Best Character: Charlie's an Angel

I liked Charlie. Sure her Arc is predictable, her taste is dumb, and she isn't exactly a master of her own destiny to any degree. But at least she is a woman in a transformers movie who's got something going on. Sure she's defined entirely by grief, but that sure is better than pretending that being able to work on cars is a feminist character trait instead of a weird fetish thing. They certainly do that thing with Charlie, but at least it's not the only thing they throw at the wall. Bumblebee is by no means out of the woods in this department, but it garners a lot of goodwill for trying. Like a racist uncle who just started his journey out of ignorance, but hasn't yet realized he has to stop asking mortifying questions to the barista at Starbucks. Okay, maybe that's an extreme metaphor. I'm saying that perhaps Charlie is not a great character but she's a great character for a Transfomers movie.

Worst Character: It's JOOOOHHHNNNN CEEEENA!!!!

Why is John Cena in this movie? I don't hate the guy, but his character seems pointless. You could remove him from the movie completely and replace him with any one of the random military goons at any point and it changes nothing. What was with that dumb salute at the end? It seems like they put him in this movie in post and it was just to pump up cast list. I wish he was given anything to work with. I can't remember his characters name, and it's not like John Cena did a bad job, I was just annoyed every time they kept giving him hero shots. I felt like I was watching a trailer for a different movie.

Best Actor: Optimal Primo!

Every time Peter Cullen speaks I want to listen. There's a reason they haven't had Chris Pratt or somebody with a bigger name come in and take over the role at this point. He's why the audience keep coming back. Peter Cullen IS Optimus Prime, and there's no changing that. He also wins twice. He's the best actor in the movie AND he's barely in the movie. Good call Peter.

Worst Actor: Mean Girls 2, Meaner and Girlier

I don't want to be cruel so I'm not going to go into to much detail, but there's an actress in this film who's performance is so mustache twirlingly evil and stupid that it ruined my suspension of disbelief when i knew going in that i was about to endure a 2 hour toy commercial about robots that turn into cars. Beldar Conehead was a more convincing human being than Tina.

Best Effect: Goo Be Gone

I really appreciated when the bad guys shot the government nerd into a blast of snot. That was pretty fun for me. Best part of the movie hands down.

Worst Effect: Live Action?

Bumblebee is a cartoon. It's a great looking cartoon but it doesn't sell itself that way. If we were doing a Roger Rabbit thing I'd have no gripes. However, I think CG is just getting worse. I'm criticizing this and it's still lightyears better than the previous entry's on the franchise. No transformation or fight sequence in Bumble Bee had me straining to make sense of what I was looking at. I think it was a great idea to start using some basic shapes and outlines to these characters, and return somewhat to their 80s designs. But at certain points, especially when there were no humans in the shot, i was pretty convinced I was watching Clone Wars. There may not be anyway around this, as the Transformers concept might not be able to be pulled off in any more effective manner. It's a minor gripe, but I just didn't think it looked like anything other than a very expensive cartoon, and in this franchise that's a compliment, because it least it looked like SOMETHING!

Best Scene: Space Opera

I am not a Transformers fan. I missed the boat on the cartoon as a kid. I would sometimes catch it at friends houses but I was more into Batman, Star Wars, and Ninja Turtles. By the time I came onto the scene the world had moved on to Beast Wars. I did one day arbitrarily decide that my favorite Transformer was Sound Wave. He looked great in this. I am a big fan of the return to form with a lot of the character designs in this. They really did keep the things that worked from the other adaptations, and they are steadily removing the things that didn't. For this reason, the scenes on Cybertron, particularly the battle with Soundwave (i prefer for personal reasons) looked great and were exciting to watch. I remember thinking Cybertron used to look like a Marilyn Manson shot a music video from inside to dumpster. This is so much better.

Worst Scene: Blocking the Box

There's a scene in Bumblebee where Charlie's family decides the best way to save their daughter was to cause a pile up of vehicles in an intersection, and it's pure contrived writing that saved any character in that sequence from being killed in a horrific traffic accident. It was stupid, played for laughs, and it wasn't exciting as much as it was anxiety inducing. I also thought that there was no reason the covert military group covering up extraterrestrial life wouldn't just disappear this family of fucking morons in their little piece of shit car. The logic of the scene was just so childish like, "No they won't hit me, I'm a good person."

Summary

Bumblebee may be remembered fondly in a decade. I think especially if the Transformers franchise were to end here. It didn't get the publicity of the other films, and that really is a shame. For my money, this was the best Transformers movie so far. I was very tempted to give Bumblebee a C, it does just enough to right what was wrong from the other movies to make me appreciate all that work. This movie has heart, and if you are at all into Transformers then l think you should see it. It's still pretty stupid, and pretty basic. It's not offering anything new to the genre, and it feels like a commercial for more movies. I really wish we could just get movies that want to tell a story. I thought it over and decided that it wasn't fair not to grade Bumblebee on it's own merits. Bumblebee is substantially better than the films that preceded it, but that's not saying a lot, when the films that preceded it are joyless exercises in self abuse.

Overall Grade: D

[bby-ahgastay]

Baby- L.M.H.

a/n: have y'all seen lino's red hair. he looks so god damn good wth. he's been fucking my shit up b a d lately LOL. and imagining this man carrying a little baby has me all🥺. but also like god it's so hot lmaoo.(that one video of them all with babies and he's holding the baby so naturally wow that fucked me up for a while). anyways, sorry again for the rare posts i really do appreciate you all reading my stuff, and i have a few more things i plan on posting hopefully soon! thank you all for reading, following, liking, and just all that stuff lol. love you all<3

member: lee know (stray kids)

summary: minho confesses that he's been trying to knock you up lol.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: fingering and suggestiveness, tiny bit of fluff. breeding kink too ig?

you stare up in confusion when you hear your boyfriend huff loudly for the third time. "what's wrong, babe?" you ask him, putting your book down and shifting in bed to look at him.

"so, are you like on the pill or something? what kind? and why is that shit so strong?" minho throws his hands up, falling dramatically back into the pillows next to you. taking a moment to process his questions, you stare at the wall past him.

"w-what..?" is all you can manage to get out. he huffs and rubs his eyes in frustration. bringing his hands down from his face, minho sits up and takes your hands in his. you sit up with him, sitting with your legs crossed and your boyfriend mirroring you, your hands in his resting on his lap.

"sorry, i just..." he stares down at your intertwined fingers with furrowed eyebrows, thinking of how he should even say this. "i don't want to scare you off, but..." and another pause. you take one hand from his and bring it to his face. he leans into your touch as you caress his cheek.

"minho, come on. look at me. you know you can tell me anything," you speak softly. he sighs and looks up at you, your heart skipping a beat as his eyes meet yours. you're not sure if you'll ever get over the way he looks at you. after being together for years he can still take your breath away without even trying.

"lately i may or may not have been trying to get you pregnant, okay?" it takes a moment for you to realize what he means. he wants to get you pregnant... as in have a baby with you. a whole ass child. by the time you properly process this, he's already in a panic. you took more than a second to respond and in his mind, that's a bad sign.

"it's not even like i want to trap you or anything, i promise that's not it. i wouldn't do that. you know i wouldn't, right? i just- i don't know, i like the thought of you having my baby, i mean, i like the thought of making a baby with you. a-and i like thinking of us actually having a baby, you'd be a good mom. y-you're good with kids. i like seeing you with kids. i'd like seeing you with my kids. well, our kids. maybe i should have proposed first... i was going to anyways, hopefully soon, i want to marry you. i'm going to marry you, i-i mean if you want to marry me. fuck, okay, i just-"

"minho, babe," you cut him off. he takes a deep breath and bites at his lips. "i would love to have a baby with you. and i would love to marry you," your words help him calm down, you can even see his shoulders relax.

"really?" you giggle and nod at him, climbing to sit on his lap. his hands naturally go to your hips, sparkling eyes gazing up at you lovingly. you slowly lean closer to his perfect lips, catching them in a tender kiss.

when you pull away from each other you rest your forehead on his, your noses barely touching. "so, does this count as a proposal or...?" you lean back slightly and play with his hair.

"well, i wanted to do something nicer when i proposed, probably with our family and friends around..."

"oh please, minho, come on. you know i don't care how or where we are, or who we're with when you propose. as long as it's you asking me to marry you i don't care who else is there; family and friends, absolute strangers, or just me and you. no matter what the answer is yes," he just shakes his head and brings his forehead to rest on yours.

"i swear you're perfect," he mumbles before attaching his lips to yours. pulling away after a moment, minho hesitates before helping you off him and getting up. you watch curiously as he goes to the dresser, going for the drawer with his shirts and pulling out an old one from the bottom.

"so," he starts, smiling softly at you as he brings the folded material back to the bed. sitting back in front of you, he lightly shakes out the shirt until a small black box falls from it. his eyes meet yours as he picks it up, a large grin growing on his face. "i guess i can finally give this to you, then?"

you cover the smile taking over your face with one hand when he opens the box, a gorgeous diamond ring staring right up at you. looking up at him, you begin to nod frantically. he takes the ring from the box and one of his hands takes your left one, sliding the silver onto your ring finger.

"minho..." your voice shakes, tears filling your eyes as you gaze at the man in front of you. your fiance. wow, you loved the thought of that.

"i love you," he whispers, leaning forward to catch your lips on his.

"and i can't wait to give you everything in the world, y/n. i promise you that i will, okay? you and our baby will have everything you'll ever need," he mumbles before pressing his lips to yours again. you melt into him, your mouth never leaving his while he pushes you so that you're laying on the pillows behind you. his legs on either side of you, minho traps you under his larger figure while his hands roam your body and slide under your shirt.

once his lips leave yours they just move to your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses and stopping to leave marks every so often. you tangle a hand in his hair and hum in content, loving the way his lips feel against your skin. he takes a second to pull your shirt completely off you, his mouth moving to your now exposed chest as the shirt lands randomly on the bedroom floor.

"you know, min," you breathe out as he nips at the flesh spilling out of your bra, his hands dragging the straps off your shoulders. he doesn't stop as you continue. "i'm not even on birth control. i thought you just liked the feeling of no condom, but i never actually started taking the pill. i figured i might get pregnant, but honestly i didn't even mind," his hands reach under you to unclasp your bra, quick to throw the material away with your shirt. you fail to hold back a moan when his lips wrap around your nipple, his hand pinching at the other. his eyes flash up to watch your face as he continues.

"i have to admit it, babe, i liked the thought of it too... i love thinking of watching you hold our little baby... do you remember that day you first met my family? seeing how good you were with my baby cousin is what made me realize i want to have your babies for the first time..." he stops and looks at you for a moment, a sweet look in his eyes as his fingers glide over your curves.

you smile up at him, biting your lip as he leans down to kiss you again. it's a short and sweet kiss, and for a moment when he pulls away and you can just look into his eyes, you realize that you two are really engaged now. and trying to have a baby. maybe you two are too young for all this. but it doesn't really matter to either of you. you'd been together for years now and you had no doubt in your mind that minho was it for you. he's the only man you want for the rest of your life, and the sooner you get to build a life with him the better.

you trace his jawline with a finger and look down at his lips. "and, i have to admit, i really love the way it feels to have you cum inside me," you whimper slightly just thinking about it. minho groans and in instant his eyes darken, his fingers digging hard into your hips.

"i love the way it feels, too, jagiya, your pussy always feels so nice and warm for me. always so, so tight..." he reaches a hand between your bodies to feel your wet cunt through your thin sleep shorts. you let out a small moan, his hand moving the loose shorts aside to push a finger inside you.

his mouth goes to your collarbone, you moaning as he licks a long stripe up your neck while he adds another finger and starts pumping them in and out of you. a deep groan leaves him as he fucks you with his fingers, the sound in your ear sending a shiver down your spine.

"i'm going to fuck you until you're all nice and filled up with my cum, my love... fuck, i can't wait to see you carrying my baby."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Eight

A/N: Okay, firstly I cannot apologize enough for the delay. I'm sorry for not posting when I planned on, I have no idea how I feel about this chapter, it's all over the place and I've honestly thought of erasing it and starting back over but that'd take even longer and I don't want to make you guys wait any more. I'm sorry for falling through on my assurance I'd post by Friday.

Timeline in case anyone is wondering, this chapter starts around the 18th of September (flashback is last couple days in July) and ends at the end of September.

I hope you guys like it, perfectly understandable if y'all don't and I will be trying harder next time. Thank you🖤

P.S.--I haven't forgotten about the "D" Viv gets tattooed on her, it's being mentioned in the next chapter.

Words: 4.4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, insensitive implication of suicide.

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I'm taking another bite of eggs, before an issue of Playboy is plopped down in front of me, into my food. 

I was expecting the cover to hit stands sooner, rather than later. We went back on tour the first of September, and the issue wasn't out until September 16, a couple days after getting back on tour from a separate break that took place a week and a half after our first break at the end of July did.

I'm on the cover, naked, and I hesitantly run my eyes up Doc's body to his eyes, giving an uneasy smile, knowing I'm in trouble. 

I swallow my food and he glares at me. 

Within ten minutes, he's got all of us back into another meeting. 

"Playboy?!" He's pacing the floor, throwing his hands up. "Y-You…" he trails off, the vein popping out on his forehead. 

I look around and notice everybody--Ross, Fred, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Rich--has got a copy of it, flipping through, including Nikki, and I feel my face heat up, slowly sliding down in my seat. 

"...Playboy!" Doc gets out again, before he starts laughing. 

"Was a staff meeting really necessary for this?" I ask him. 

"I mean, it could be worse." Fred tries to take up for me as my question is ignored. 

"Yeah, she could've went behind our backs and shot a porno." Vince adds, glancing at me. "...or did you do that, too?" 

Apparently I don't deny that quick enough because Doc is looking at me with an even more severe look. 

"Did you?!" He asks. 

"No?!" I argue, starting to get pissed. "I posed for Playboy, what's the big deal?" 

Doc starts laughing again. 

"What's the big deal? What's the big deal? What's the bi--what's the big deal?!" He pulls at his hair. "I am about to have a heart attack. I am about to have a heart attack. You--" he lets out a loud yell of frustration and we all look at each other. "--Are you trying to kill me, Viv?! 'Cause I feel like you are!"

"From a photography perspective, they're quite beautiful photos." Ross says positively.

"Yes, I for one want to express my gratitude and admiration for Saint Viv's--well, Dirty Stripper Viv's--contribution to the livelihood of many a jerking offs." Vince states. "Also would like to note," he looks at a particular picture of me before adding, "I've only imagined her doing this position but now that it's here on paper, I'd like her to demonstrate--slowly, in detail--exactly how she twisted hersel--"

"--Dude, shut up!" Tommy snaps, his hands over his eyes, his head back, and Vince grins at me, making me roll my eyes. 

It kind of scares me how quiet Nikki is as he calmly thumbs through his. 

"Okay." Doc takes a deep breath. "When did this happen?" He asks me.

"I got an offer in the mail, and took them up on it, and when we were in Chicago I went by their studio." I explain. "I still don't know what the big deal is. I thought it was the idea for rockstars and Playboy models to be together." 

Doc looks at me with flared nostrils before flipping through his magazine.

"Whose is this?" He asks, turning the magazine around to show me, his finger on Duff's bass. 

I just look at him, not knowing what to say. 

"I know what every bass of Nikki's looks like and it's got too many personalized ticks on it for it to be a random prop they tossed at you." He adds. 

The room is quiet for a moment.

"It's Duff's." Nikki says and Doc raises his brows. 

"The fuck is that?" He questions me. 

"Guns N' Roses bassist." Nikki informs him, his tone neutral.

I'm afraid to look at him, knowing it's gonna break my heart. 

"The band that you've been in my ear about bringing on the tour?"

Nikki let's out a confirming sigh and Doc looks at me. 

"So this kid's gonna bring this bass to play on tour, and everybody's gonna recognize it when they flip through your little stunt here," he waves the magazine, "and it's all gonna come together and they're gonna realize a few days after Vanity allegedly dropped a bombshell about her and Nikki supposedly having an affair--which is said to be bullshit--his wife comes out humping another man's fuckin' bass." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "You roll your eyes all you want. Vanity fucking fried all of us, and then you decided to toss us into the fucking fire. Not that I expect anything different from a goddamn Sixx at this point. You both know how to make shit worse than it already is." 

"I highly doubt they'll notice, Doc." Tommy cuts in again. 

"You stay out of this." Doc snaps at him. 

Another beat of silence goes by.

"Nikki? Your thoughts? You're her fucking husband. You helped kickstart this snowball of shit that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. What's your fucking opinion on her doing this? Am I gonna have to worry about you bending another girl over on stage and going to town in retaliation or what?" Doc sarcastically throws out there. "I mean nothing will fucking surprise my anymore. I just need to know what I need to prepare to clean up next." 

My heart pounds as I look at Nikki, liner smudged, tired eyes, glancing at me as he lets out a defeated sigh. 

"She's a grown woman, Doc." He surprisingly says and I widen my eyes in shock, as everyone else looks worried that Nikki's not screaming at me for it right now. 

Not yet, at least.

"That's it?" Doc asks him, raising his brows. "She didn't say a word about it, didn't give a warning, a heads up, nothing, and she comes out like this and you have absolutely nothing to fucking say?" 

Nikki just shrugs. 

"She just does whatever the hell she wants to do. Doesn't matter how I'd feel before, why does it matter what I feel like, now? Like I said, she's grown. Whatever she wants to do, she can do." He finishes, standing up to leave. 

"Nikki, are you fucking me right now?!" Doc complains as Nikki heads to the door. "You flip your shit over tiny stuff but your own wife does this without even telling you about it and you just brush it off?!"

"Just because she calls me 'daddy' doesn't mean I can act like her fucking father, Doc." Nikki sternly says and my face heats up. "We're not even together so why the fuck would I care what she does or who she does it with?" 

His bark was "I don't give a fuck" and "she can do whatever she wants", but a couple months later his bite was "you aren't worth a fucking thing which is why you had to get naked in a magazine to get validation in the first place" then proceeded to bare his teeth down further into my heart by adding, "just another pussy to unload in and get on to the next attention-humping slut." 

The next thing I knew, Duff was knocking him to the ground and the two of them started ripping into each other like dogs.

Once the meeting is over, after another hour of going back and forth, feeling like I was going to vomit from impending guilt, I'm getting back to my room and making a beeline for the toilet. 

I take a deep breath once I'm done, wiping the few tears from my cheeks. 

I don't feel bad for posing…the entire meeting it took everything not to confess that me posing naked with Duff's bass should be the least of their worries, compared to what other activities  I've gotten up to with him the last time the band had a couple days off and we went back to L.A. 

The sound of my room phone ringing pulls me out of my head

“Hello?” I answer.

“H-Hey.” I hear Tansy’s voice on the other end and I perk up.

“Hey, Tans, how’re you feeling?” I ask her, nervously.

“Good, um…” She lets out a soft sigh. “...I relapsed.”

I close my eyes for a moment, exactly like I did last week, and the week before, and the week before, and so on.

After Sparkie did his damage, Tansy promised to swear the bastard off. But within two weeks of her incident, she was back with him, only because her babysitters--Slash and Steven--left her unattended and she ran off to find him.

They’d find her, threaten Sparkler, bring her back home and the second they turned around long enough, she was gone again. 

Nikki had ordered them that she wasn't supposed to be around Sparkie because he had "accidentally" taken it too far while they were messing around…

Skylar squeals as tickle at her stomach, shampoo sticking her blonde hair straight up while Sharise runs a wash cloth over Sky's back.

When she's done, she's wringing the water out of it. 

"Sky, we gotta wash the shampoo out of your hair." I tell her.

"Nuh." She protests, shaking her head. 

"Skylar, we gotta get the shampoo out so we can get conditioner in your hair and get the tangles out."

"Nuh." She states, looking at us like we're crazy. 

"Don't be a diva like daddy." Sharise tell her, raising her brows. 

"Da-da?" 

"Da-da's golfing." She replies.

Skylar looks between us. 

"Nuh." She argues. "Beebee." She points at me. 

Sharise looks at me and hands me the little plastic cup she uses to rinse Sky's hair. 

"I'm gonna grab a towel from the couch." Sharise tells me. "Let Veevee rinse your hair." 

Skylar's cooperative, letting me get the shampoo from her hair and letting me put conditioner in and rinsing it out. 

When we're done, Sharise is picking Skylar up from the bath and wrapping her in her towel. 

The phone starts ringing and I dry hands off and stand up. 

"I'll get it." I assure Sharise.

"Alright, it could be Vince. He said he'd call before he headed home."

"Okay."

I go to the living room and pick the phone up.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming by to pick you up." It's Nikki, and I furrow my brows and look at the time. 

"What're you doing up before two o'clock?" 

"I got a call from a hospital in Malibu. Tansy's in surgery right now."

My blood runs cold and I can't get my thoughts together. 

"Just be ready when I get there." He adds. "I'm leaving the house, now."

"O-Okay." 

He hangs up and I head to Skylar's room where Sharise is helping her pick out some clothes. 

"That was Nikki." I inform her and she looks at me. "Tansy's at the hospital in the middle of a surgery."

"Oh my God, is she okay?" 

"I don't know."

"Is she having more heart problems or--"

"--I have no idea, Sharise. Nikki didn't explain."

Despite her body being pumped full of varying drugs, none of them caused her to be sent to the ER. Something else entirely, did though.

"She's more susceptible to complications during surgery due to her previous heart problems and her drug use. She did decide to sign a DNR--"

"--I'm sorry, what's been signed?" Nikki raises his brows at the nurse. 

"A do-not resuscitate order. Meaning if she were to code, we can not perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation." 

"So you just fucking let her die?!" 

"Nikki, they had to explain to her what it meant, and she still agreed--" I'm cut short.

“--You know how much fucking heroin she fucking shoots on a daily basis?! I'm not even sure she could fucking see to sign her God damn in the first place, let alone comprehend you motherfuckers selling her death!" Nikki barks and the nurse sighs.

“Nikki, she’ll be fine.” I try to tell him.

"Fuck that!" He screams, fear in his eyes.

"Nikki, that's only if something goes wrong, alright? So far everything is going okay." I try to reassure him, my eyes drifting to her nurse. "Right?"

The surgery itself was going smoothly. One thing Tansy didn't tell us, however, was one of her kidneys was shot from her drug and alcohol abuse, and she asked her doctor to go ahead and take the thing out.

"She's in good hands." Is all the nurse says, before adding, "she should be out in a couple more hours." 

She walks away and Nikki shakes his head and lets out a heavy breath. 

"It'll be okay." I say to him.

“You gonna fucking pray about it or something?” He sneers at me.

“Yes.”

“Right, imaginary friends solve all of the world’s problems.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me doing something that brings me some peace.” I argue.

“You’ve been praying for me for the past six years. Feel any fucking peace, yet?” He snaps.

Believe it or not, no. I hadn’t felt any fucking peace.

It doesn’t take Tansy much longer to get out of surgery, and Nikki and I are horrified when her doctor explains what exactly he was repairing, being that the nurse wouldn’t tell us.

“Like...a shooter sized bottle--”

“--Pint.” He says to us and Nikki and I look at eachother.

“They tried to fit a pint sized bottle of Jack into her…?” I trail off.

“Well, they made it fit, it just didn’t stay intact.” He replies.

“The bottle of her vagina?” I question.

“I had to stitch up her vaginal wall extensively, and made sure to remove every piece of glass, including micrograins. Her left fallopian tube would have been compromised if the piece of glass that completely punctured through her vaginal wall, would have moved 0.004mm, which is about the thickness of a single strand of hair.” He states. “She’s very lucky her uterus or ovaries weren’t compromised. That wouldn’t have been as easy of a fix.”

“A--A bottle?” I’m stll stuck on them fitting a fucking bottle into her, my face twisted in horror as my stomach drops and my skin crawls.

He holds up a small container and rattles it around, the sound of glass swishing around making me cringe.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Nikki lets out.

“I’m going to tell her when she wakes, but please reiterate after me, that the next time she and her partner wish to add some heat to their sex life, maybe try not to be so blatantly reckless.” He suggests and Nikki and I nod, still speechless.

In a couple more hours, Nikki and I’s ears perk when she groans a little, our eyes shifting to look at her in her hospital bed.

Her bright blue eyes blink open, her brows furrowed in confusion, and it seems everything slowly falls into place for her.

“Tans?” Nikki says and she looks straight at him, just blinking.

“Where’s Sparkie?” She asks and we look at each other.

“We haven’t seen him.” I explain.

“Oh.” She quietly mumbles, closing her eyes again for a moment.

“Tansy, what the hell happened?” Nikki starts, a sharp tone in his voice.

She looks at me, carefully, before speaking.

“We were just trying to spice things up.” She says softly.

“With a fucking Jack Daniel’s bottle that clearly wouldn’t naturally fit inside of you?” He lets out.

She doesn’t say a word back, I almost think she doesn’t hear him, until she says:

“I’m not fighting right now.”

“Let’s just let her rest, okay?” I suggest. “She’s exhausted and she doesn’t need to be stressed out right now.”

Nikki sighs, but keeps his mouth shut.

After a few more minutes, I’m wanting a snack.

“You have any cash?”

He looks at me and I give him my best smile, making him exhale softly, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

“How much?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“Like, a couple bucks.” I shrug and he hands it to me. “Thank you.”

I go to the vending machines past the waiting area, to see Sparkie sitting by the window, eating his food, and I glare at him as I walk by.

He doesn’t see me, unfortunately, and I just keep going to the Pepsi Cola machine calling my name.

I want to go curse him out, but Tansy doesn’t need the stress, and being they were both high as a kite, I can’t solely put the blame on him and only him.

She should have just left him years ago. All he’s been is trouble that she doesn’t need.

I get my Pepsi and a pack of M&Ms, walking around a little to stretch my legs since I’ve been sitting for hours.

I let out a heavy breath when I remember I’m nearly out of Nardil, being I flushed a majority of my bottle down the toilet in an angry effort.

I’ll make sure to call in some more before we leave for the next leg of the tour.

As I start on my way back to the room, I’m interrupted by the sight of Nikki and Sparkie standing face to face in the waiting room, and I drop my Pepsi and food when Nikki slams Sparkie’s head into the wall without a single word beforehand.

“Sir!” The receptionist yells, standing up as I go to them as fast as I can to get Nikki off of him as he grabs his shirt and punches the shitfire out of Sparkie, one of his teeth crumbling to the floor.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He promises as he punches him two more times, not taking a breath in between with no signs of stopping his assault until Sparkie’s brain is bursting from his skull, but I’m managing to get Nikki off of him, making him drop Sparkie to the floor, his nose and mouth busted up as security comes in.

We were escorted out, and when we got home I called Steven and informed him what happened to Tansy, leaving out what actually happened because I didn’t need anyone else possibly being sued for trying to kill Sparkie, and he went to keep an eye on her.

“Anyone else you want to beat the shit out of while we’re home?” I snap as we get to the car.   “First Vanity, now Sparkie--”

"--What, you wanna go back in there and coddle him the way you did Vanity?" He hisses and I roll my jaw. 

"You know exactly why I 'coddled' her."

"Oh, right, because men aren't suppose to hit women so I'm an evil bastard for knocking the shit out of her even though she was punching and hitting at me."

"I've punched and hit at you and you've never--"

"--She came into our house, attacked me, and punched you, too, Vivian! I had a reason to bust her face up a little bit!"

"I can handle shit myself, Nikki, there was no need for you to hit her like that!" 

"It's called 'equal rights'! All you women want is to be seen equally and shit! You fucking punch me like you're a man, I'm gonna fucking punch you back, like you're a fucking man! Don't hit me like you've got bigger balls than I do and then scream and cry and whine and plead 'frail, innocent, victimized, dainty, woman' when you get treated equally!" 

"I don't do that!" 

"No, but you sure as hell were all about feeding the cracked out beast when she fucking did!" 

"That's it. I'm walking home." 

"Walking home? We're forty minutes away from L.A., Viv." 

"I'll hitch a ride! I'd rather be in a car with a sketchy stranger than be trapped with you for the next hour!"

"You've been trapped with me the past four years!" He barks. 

"Not for much longer, thank God!" I bite out and his face slowly falls. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Pretty sure going our separate ways is just inevitable for us at this point, Viv, so it's fine." He brushes it off and my heart hurts at the thought. "And I'm sorry for going after Sparkie in public. But I'm not apologizing for defending Tansy. I'm not ever gonna be sorry for defending any of my friends."

“What happened, Nikki?” I ask him. “What the hell made you go after him like that? You were fine when I left.”

He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring, his knuckles gripping tightly to the wheel as he closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down, before saying:

“Nothing. I just really thought about it and it got to me.”

I didn’t find out what happened until Tansy told me months down the road, and nobody else knows that’s actually what happened.

If Stevie and Slash knew what really occurred to put Tansy in that shape to begin with, they would’ve killed Sparkie the second Tansy first went back and "relapsed" on him.

"Tansy, he hurt you." I remind her. "And I know it was an accident but it doesn't matter. He could've seriously messed you up more than he did."

"I know, but I love him, Viv." She argues. 

"Tansy--"

"--Nikki shot you. And you're still with him." 

"Because Nikki was high out of his mind and didn't realize he actually was shooting at me. He thought I was someone after him." 

"Sparkie was fucked up and didn't know he was hurting me."

"Who the hell shoves a pint-sized glass bottle up their cunt to begin with, Tansy?" I raise my voice, getting aggravated with her.

"I'm gonna go." She tells me, calmly, after a moment of being quiet. "And I saw your Playboy issue--Steven got it. You look very beautiful." She genuinely says and I let out a defeated breath.

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to you later, Viv, okay?"

"Got it."

"I love you, bye."

"I love you, too, bye-bye." 

I hang up and fall back on the bed, groaning loudly in frustration. 

"How the hell can someone be as passively suicidal as she is?" I let out.

I'd find out soon enough.

In the last ten days of September, "Girls, Girls, Girls" is certified double-platinum, a $5000 lawsuit is filed against the band after a mother had apparently suffered "severe hearing dysfunction and mental anguish" at a recent concert. 

I wish I could sew these bastards for hearing dysfunction and mental anguish because God himself sure as shit knows I've had my fair share of it due to them, too.

By the end of the month, Nikki has Doc convinced to bring Guns N Roses on tour for the south leg, starting at the end of October…and I don't know how to feel about it. 

"Are you not excited about it?" Fred asks me after Doc leaves his hotel room after coming in to tell me the news. "Thought they were your buddies." He adds and I look at him from where I'm eating a fry from the fast food bag that he'd gone and got for us.

"They are." I confirm, nodding. "I'm excited." 

"...You just acted like Doc told you we were going to a funeral." He chuckles, sipping his drink and I lick my lips a little. 

"No, it's great, I'm just a little stressed out." I shrug. "But I'm fine." 

"Viv, what's going on?" He's not buying it and Iet out a soft breath, nervously picking the skin from the instead of my cheek with my teeth. 

"There's just a slight complication." I tell him and he raises his brows. 

"I'm all ears." He offers and I exhale, shaking my head a little, before opting for a way to confess my sins to him without him knowing I'm the one that needs forgiveness. 

"Well, you know how Sparkie and Tansy have been together for a long time?"

"Yeah." He nods. 

"She's really good friends with Axl, too, and her and Sparkie have been having some problems and might even break up so Tansy's been anxious and panicking a little, and, well…" I think for a moment. "...over this past break, Tansy slept with Axl." I say and his brows raise. "Who's the singer for Guns, and they've kinda been having a weird relationship situation thing happening ever since, but she's still with Sparkie, and being that she and Sparkie are along for the tour, Axl's gonna be around and she doesn't want Sparkie to find out what's been happening." 

"Why won't Tansy just break things off with Sparkie?"

"She doesn't want to hurt him."

"He's a piece of shit to her, are you kidding me? I'd tell that motherfucker he could go blow his fucking brains out over it." He scoffs, chewing his burger and I feel my heart sink, apparently he reads the look on my face. "Sorry, I forget women are wired a different way than guys are." He apologizes, swallowing his food before saying:

"Does Axl make her happier, you think?" 

"Sparkie's just exhausting her at this point. I think she really loves him, she's just tired of fighting and she hasn't had any peace in years, you know? She's just really tired. But when she's with Axl, she feels like everything isn't falling apart. She's at peace." 

"I think she's gotta tell Sparkie they just aren't working anymore. And be honest about how she feels instead of trying to brush over it and find ways to escape from it. I've seen her do some questionable shit, and I know it's because she's in pain and just doesn't want to deal with what's hurting her. I think this fling she's got with this dude is another way of crying for a way out, but she feels like she's too trapped to actually leave Sparkie." He explains. 

I nod slowly, tearing up a little. 

"I'm just worried about it, is all."

"Don't be." He shakes his head. "Just tell her what I just told you, and maybe she'll be done with Sparkie before Guns comes on a month from now." 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.

"I doubt it." I say so quietly he doesn't even hear it.

I felt like I'd gotten a little bit of my guilt off my chest--aside from the fact that I was leaving out a minor detail:

"Sparkie" = Nikki, "Tansy" = Vivian, and, "Axl" = Duff.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 237

Amber

Alex walks into the living room. She looks around the room then standing there staring at Chris and the little girl Lexi. I glance at them then I glance back at her. She jumps as Jamaal walks into the room behind her touching her waist as he slides pass her into the room. I frown. Umm. She not going off on him about touching her.

"I didn't mean for you to spend your time playing princesses." Jamaal says to Chris. "I'll take over."

"What you talking bout?" Chris says.

Jamaal makes a face. "You having fun, dawg?"

Chris looks at him. "At first I was like... peesh. It's a simple little girl's game. But I finally figured out how to defeat this guy."

"Daddy, Chris showed me how to fly. Look." She says making her person fly.

"I see."

I look away from them looking at Alex. She rolls her eyes then looks at me. I slowly push myself up off the couch. I was like 2 minutes from being sleep. Chris insisted I sit in here. He hovering over me. It's too early in this pregnancy for that. Alex spins around when I get to her walking away. I follow her towards the front of the house.

"Why are we going outside?" I ask slowly.

"Tell them." She hisses.

I follow her outside. It was dark as shit out here. Nobody is ever in the front of the house. I jump looking to my right into the darkness. As I stare my eyes slowly adjust to dim light. It's fucking Cammie sitting on a swing.

"Bae, why are you outside?" I ask going over to her.

"I just wanted to... breathe. Felt like I couldn't breathe in there." She says then hold out her arms. "What are y'all doing?"

I go over and fall into her arms. "I don't know this slut voodoo eyes me out here."

Alex sits on a Bush. I stare at her. It must not be a damn Bush cause her ass should be on the ground. She wipes her eyes. I sit up.

"Oh fucking hell." I snap slightly above a whisper. "Who the fuck I got to fight? Bae, you got tears in your eyes?"

"Who?" Cammie says looking at Alex. "Your shit that heavy?"

Alex covers her face with one hand. I get up and pull her off whatever she was sitting on. I pull her over to the swing. Cammie grabs her forcing her down on the swing. We both just hug her as she cries. Damn. She got me bout to cry.

"Oh my gosh." Cammie says wiping her own face. "What is fucking... like what the fuck is going on?"

"I don't want this baby." Alex whisper. "I can't."

Cammie shakes her head. "Your shit hitting home. Please stop."

"How the fuck is it hitting home?" Alex says sitting up.

"It's hitting hard." I nod wiping my face.

Alex wasn't having it. She tries to get up but doesn't try very hard. We all in situations where we feel like that. We all been there. Shit I'm there right now.

"You act like you don't fucking know who your baby's father is." Alex says all broken up.

"I might know who he is but do you know who he is?" I snap.

"Girl." Cammie says. "It ain't the situation but the situation. Do I have to replay the first year of my son's life? Do you really want to hear how I hated every part of my son before he even had a heart beat. Bitch please."

Alex just cries.

"Hell I got pregnant by his ass not even sure I wanted to continue being in a relationship. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you." We all jump looking over at April. She stands in front of the swing. "What is this?"

I shake my head. "A fucking sight to see."

"I heard crying and whispering." April says pointing to a window.

I look behind me. JJ is sitting there looking out the window at us. He looks down at a cellphone but stays in the window.

"What is JJ doing?" Cammie chuckles a bit.

"I told him I had to go see. I told him to look out the window cause it was dark. I figured it was Amber out here crying not Alex. What's going on with you?"

Alex shakes her head saying nothing. Cammie exhales.

"Imma just act like you talking to me." Cammie says. "Finally talked to my mother about this shit that happened in college. She just storms out the room then comes back talking about herself. I mean she was talking shit about herself but it was still about her. I don't know."

"Mmh." April says sitting down where Alex was before. "I ain't following you up cause I think your mother has always done her best."

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Whatever."

April being a bad ass, as expected. "You put up this wall for no one to climb but who you let in then you get mad when someone is exhausted after trying for years to climb your ridiculous shit pile."

"So it's my fucking fault?" Cammie fires back.

"That she can't get close to you... yes." April shrugs. "I'm not going to lie to you ever. You know that."

Only thing keeping Cammie on this swing is Alex, who was sitting there stunned. As we all were. I shake my head.

"Maybe my shit not deep." I sigh. "I'm just so worried that all this will be for nothing. All it takes is an argument with Chris. I can't live my life scared to argue with him. He so damn petty when he mad. His pettiness is usually deep. Some of the shit he has done in his past relationships..."

"You are the one fucking him." Alex says looking at me. "You knew all this before you fucked him. Then you get in a fucking relationship with the jackass?"

I suck my teeth standing up. "Why do you hate him so much? Tell me that. Is it the opposite?"

Alex shrugs. "I don't hate him. I don't know him to hate him or fucking love him."

"Love doesn't make you fuck people." I shrug.

"Bitch." Alex says about to get up but Cammie holds her down. "You don't fucking know me. Think your shit so shiny and clean? Don't nobody want fucking Chris. That's your damn problem. I got enough of them. Obviously."

"Whatever."

April stands up. "What is going on? What about this is making you so angry?"

Alex finally gets away from Cammie and storms off without saying anything. I put my hands on my hips. April looks in the direction Alex went then starts walking behind her. Let her trainwreck ass go.

"Don't nobody even got time for her shit." I say.

"Amber, why are you still with Chris?" Cammie asks.

"Are you going to judge me too?"

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Bitch, calm down. Damn. Just wanted to know. I didn't think you still felt like that."

"What I honestly feel is that I'm stuck. I see the positive that our relationship has done for him. It has benefited me none. But getting out of it would do more damage to him than positive to me. Leaving him could even destroy me."

"Destroy you? How is... All of you fucking famous assholes always base your happiness on your fame. Who gives a fuck? Like seriously Amber. I can't believe you sitting up here thinking about your career. You could lose your bestfriend. You knew this going into the relationship. You let it get too far to talk like this. Fuck a career. Fuck money. That's all a fucking bonus now. Whether your relationship last for the next year or the next 40 years you got a child on the way."

I suck my teeth. "I fucking know that."

Cammie crosses her arms. "What then?"

"You can't fucking excuse my shit because you fucking feel like it's irrelevant. This is my life. It's something I worked my ass off for."

"What is going on?" MiMi says walking up. "My son comes tell me that they fighting outside. I didn't think it was y'all."

Cammie stands up. "I was out here trying to get some fresh air until reality followed me out here and I realized shit don't work like that."

"What?" MiMi says looking between us.

"I'm fucking going home." Cammie says walking away.

MiMi stares at me. "What?"

"She said she going home." I shrug.

Trey

I chuckle at the video I was watching. Cammie comes into the room going into the bathroom. She comes back out a few minutes later without a shirt. I start to tell her to come over to me but I sit up in the bed instead.

"Bae?" I say to see if her attitude matched how she looked.

"I'm going home." She says.

Oh shit. Worst than I thought. I stand up. I mean damn I thought shit was getting better. I don't really know what to say. I didn't do shit to her. I go over to her cautiously. Maybe we can talk about it. I just sigh and fold up the things she was putting out on the chair. She stops suddenly and look at me.

"What are you doing?" She snaps.

"We been here long enough." I say continuing to fold her things.

She just stares at me. She goes back to putting things on the chair. I mean what else should I do? The truth is that we been here long enough. Staying here not going to fix shit. Going home not going to fix shit either.

"All I wanted to do was take a break and get myself together. But they brought all of their shit over to me. Like I have too much going on. I can't deal with everybody else's problems plus all of mine." Cammie vents.

"Who?"

She sucks her teeth. "It doesn't even matter."

"Everybody has problems. Sometimes it's easier to dump them on our people without realizing what they got going on."

"I didn't ask anybody to come here and deal with my problems."

Well gotdamn. I didn't say that. "I mean we didn't. But friends sometimes feel obliged."

Cammie knocks all of the clothes down on the floor. "So I'm fucking the one. I'm the fucking one being selfish Tremaine?"

"Jayla." I say once again confused. "I just folded all of those."

"Fuck you, Tremaine."

"Fuck me?" I ask dumbfounded.

Jayla starts crying out of nowhere. "I don't have the fucking energy to do this, Tremaine. I don't fucking feel like any of this."

Someone knocks on the bedroom door. "Everyone descent?"

"Yeah." I say looking back at Cammie's stepfather, Lonnie. "You made it safely."

"Physically." He says walking across the room to Cammie. "Pippi?"

Cammie sucks her teeth. "I don't feel like it right now."

He gets to her and hug her against her will. "When do you ever feel like it Pippi?"

"Pippi?" I ask.

"Pippi Longstockings of course." Lonnie says hugging Cammie as she turns away from him a bit.

I started to go tell him to get off of her but then she starts crying again and hugs him back. I shake my head and pick up the clothes her ass threw on the floor. Cammie is everybody's fucking baby. Her ass is gotdamn spoiled. Acting like a brat and getting excused for it. He just simply said fuck it I'm going to hug you regardless of your shit. He used to her shit. I look up at them. He was talking low to her. I don't know what he was saying but she had stopped her damn crying. He kisses her forehead and walks away.

"Nice seeing you, Trey. I'll let you get back to your cleaning."

"That was weird as shit." I say after he closes the door. "Jayla?"

She plops down on the clothes in the chair. "Tremaine?"

I put my dick on her shoulder. "Jayla?"

"Maybe a shower will cool me down." She says walking away.

"Maybe a husband in the shower?"

She chuckles looking back at me. "I mean any husband?"

I start running towards her. She just stands there laughing. She puts her hands up when I get close to her. I grab her lifting her up and walking to the shower. She squeezes her eyes shut then open them looking behind her. This bathroom didn't really have a shower door. It had a half glass wall that basically served as a splash guard. I put her down behind the wall. And start kissing on her like I haven't tasted her a million times before. She moans slightly taking our clothes off. I kiss her chest after she removes her dress. She takes a deep breath. I kneel down sliding her panties off and kissing her pussy. I suck on her clit. Suddenly the water turns on. I stand up.

"How the hell that..."

"Tremaine?" She says then laughs. "I touched the control."

I look at the wall. "That shit all the way over there."

She reaches out her arms. "Not really."

I press up against her. "Turn around."

"Tremaine." She giggles but does it.

I grab her hips and bring them back to my dick. When I feel her pussy I ram my dick inside of her. She gasps then moans. I felt weak as shit. I lean my weight on her grinding into her pussy as I bust. I shake my head. Gotdamn. I move inside of her until my dick gets hard. She was moaning as if it never went limp. I bite the back of her neck. She presses against me moaning softly. I think we both fucked around and busted with one gotdamn stroke. I pull her hips back and forth on my dick then I let go. She continues moving her hips.

"Fuck. Good girl." I say smacking her ass.

I met each of her movements with a thrust of my own. She slides her upper body down the wall toward the floor. I lift her back up stepping up to the wall and pressing her against it. Suddenly everything stops. Cammie spins around looking behind me. I sigh then look back. Oh shit. It was Cammie's fucking mother. I back up behind the half wall. I pull Cammie to me when she doesn't move.

"Lane?" Gwen says.

"I use this bathroom Grandma." Lane says standing in the floor.

I could see her clear as day and she could see us clear as day. It was just cold water running. There was no stream whatsoever. I glance back at Cammie. She covers her face then she makes the water warmer. Like that fucking matters right now. The thing was that the toilet Lane was persistent about using was across from us. He would see us around the half wall. I'm grateful for the half wall but we weren't behind the shit at first. Don't know if Cammie's mom saw us fucking or just heard it.

"Maybe we should use the other bathroom." Gwen says looking up at me when I look at them. "A less crowded one."

"I got to poop, Grandma."

She grabs his hand. "You can poop in the other bathroom."

He fights with her. "Not by myself. Nobody in there."

"Well who in here?" She asks grabbing his hand again.

"Mommy?" Lane whines suddenly unsure.

Cammie shakes her head. "Yes Lane."

He gets happy. "Mommy in here."

"Let's go see who in the other bathroom."

"Grandma April not there." He says sad.

"I have a bathroom." She says successfully taking him with her out the bathroom. "I'll be right there."

"Jayla?" I say turning to Cammie.

She shakes her head. "Tremaine, don't."

"That shit was paralyzing." I say walking to her.

"I'm not in the mood. That's embarrassing."

"You not in the mood?" I ask grabbing her waist.

She sighs. "Tremaine?"

I kiss her lips. "We not finishing?"

"Mommy?" Lane whines. "Mommy?"

"Nope." Cammie kisses me.

Lane sits a step down by the toilet. "Mommy!"

Lane starts dancing by the toilet. Cammie walks away from me going to him. He looks up at me for the first time as she takes his underwear off. He didn't fucking need her to do that. He just being a jackass. Little spoiled ass. He steps up on his stool really fast and sits down. He passes gas and laughs about it.

"No see me Mommy." He says shooing her away.

"Your stank butt." She walks to the shower then pushes me.

I grab her going towards the water. "Jayla?"

"You know your son can see you." She whispers.

"He don't care." I say looking at him.

I turn her towards him. He had his eyes closed swinging his feet and singing like he always does. She giggles. I kiss her neck. He only two. He don't fucking care about what we doing. He will forget it anyway.

"Love you, Lane." I say.

"Daddy." He whines. "I pooping."

I laugh. "Sorry, homie."

[rogue-barnes-16]

WHEN YOU COME BACK (part II/II)

Summary: After months of being friends with benefits, the dangerous agreement backfires and Bucky’s feelings for Y/n are exposed. Instead of talking it out, they make the situation worse, and it might get more difficult after a dangerous mission.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: angst w/ a pleasant ending

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, injuries

A/N: here it is my dudes. It was, for some reason I can't understand, heavily inspired by When the party's over by Billie Eilish, Haunted by Melanie Martinez, and What about us by P!nk. Just a little curiosity for y'all, hope you enjoy <3.

Part I

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

That night that we accidentally found each other in a shitty bar on our way out of Stark's house after Tony and Natasha's funeral, we shouldn't have lost control.

We wouldn't be in this situation, maybe I would haven't fallen that hard for him, and maybe he wouldn't think he loves me now.

We probably would be friends, close friends, or at least regular people who don't have to hide that they're sleeping with each other.

"Hey there, stranger." his voice was broken. He stumbled to the booth I was occupying, and I realized he was somehow as drunk as me. "rough week?"

"rough five years." I corrected him, sniffing. "It doesn't seem to get better." I felt the lump in my throat mixed with my hoarse voice as I chucked another shot of tequila. When I looked up at him, I noticed how red her eyes were. "what's wrong?"

"A lot." he replied, easing his position to rest against the backrest of the booth. "Never got to tell Natalia I remember." he shrugged. "Also wanted to... Apologize to Stark. Didn't get the chance to." he shut his eyes.

"Somethin' else." I stated more than questioned. "it's somethin' else."

He hesitated before looking at me with glassy eyes "can I tell you a secret?" I nodded lazily, muttering an 'always'. "Steve's leaving."

"What?" I frowned, sitting upright. "Where?"

He shook his head no with a sad smile in his face, a sad smile that held little happiness and too much sorrow. "When, not where."

"Director Carter..." I spoke in low voice, and Bucky nodded at me. I looked down, not knowing what to say. "at least he's got his happy ending."

"Yeah." tears streamed down his face as he drank from what I recognized as Thor's flask. "I'm happy for him." I tilted my head in disbelief and he denied slowly. "I really am."

"It's just the two of us now, Bucky." I whispered leaning against the wall to face him. "you should be selfish once in a while" I advised, scooting closer to him. "say what you think, no matter who gets hurt." our thighs were brushing as I leaned on him a little too close to whisper something in his ear. "you don't owe anything to this fucked up world."

His head spun and our eyes met. "I don't." he affirmed, letting his hand drop to my thigh as mines traveled to his hair. "you don't either." he bit his lip and I sighed. "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"what...?" I questioned quietly, too focused on his lips to even process what he was saying.

"Allow yourself to cry for 'em doll." his mutter made me let out a strained, shaky breath, remembering why I had hidden in a bar in order to numb my pain, remembering why I hadn't stayed with the rest in Pepper's house. "It's just the two of us now, Y/n..."

I looked up at him through glassy, blurred eyes just to see his in the same state. His eyes flickered to my lips, just like mines had been staring St him that whole time, and something took over the both of us.

It was probably the sadness, at least partially, and the thinking that losing more wasn't possible anymore, what made us close the gap in a sloppy, needy kiss, which would be the first of many, that night and the followings.

I had desperately wanted to apologize to Bucky for two days, in hopes of getting our friendship back.

I figured he didn't inform me he was back because he didn't want to see me, and that mere thought made my heart shrink until it physically hurt.

I was getting dressed when my phone buzzed. "Sam?" I called him, utterly confused. Sam rarely phoned me, he would just show up at my door. "what's wrong?"

"The mission went wrong. So fucking wrong." I couldn't ask about Bucky before he resumed his narration. "Listen to me carefully, 'cause he made me promise I wouldn't tell you shit."

"what- why?" I inquired, sitting down in my couch.

"Those fuckers were shooting me, there was no way I could dodge all of 'em, and that dumbass jumped in fucking front of me." his voice was strained due to the anger and the worry, and I felt my heart pounding against my chest. "he received two bullets. He's in the Avengers' private hospital. Pepper got us in."

"he what..." I was already grabbing my things to rush there, but he spoke again.

"you can't come, he'll kill me if he sees you here." Sam pointed out.

"why the fuck are you telling me then, Wilson?" it was desperate, and it was shaky, but I managed to get that question put of me without breaking.

"What the hell? 'Cause you're good for him, and I don't want you to think he dumped whatever you guys have." I stood there, my mouth in agape at his words. "Sharon's telling me she'll take care of the paperwork so we can go home in a couple of days."

"okay..."

"Go see him at his apartment on... Monday." he advised me. "at 9 pm, he won't have an excuse to avoid you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite the fact that he knew I would definitely not forget about the day and the time he had told me, on Sunday Sam called to remind me it, and also to inform me that he had just left Bucky’s apartment. He was now there resting, and would be until tomorrow morning.

On Monday, at 9 pm I was carefully knocking on Bucky’s door, and he answered in no time.

"Sam, you better bring Chinese food you promised or-" he stood there, resting all his weight against the door and the door frame, taking in the fact that I was there. "Fuck..."

I had planned a whole speech, apologizing for what I had said in a thousand different ways, telling him how much I didn't want to lose him, and maybe, just maybe, confessing my feelings about him.

But everything was gone the moment I saw his bruises, his bandaged body under the tee, peeking out of the collar, the way he barely could stand upright.

Everything was gone. "what the fuck..."

"he told you, didn't he?" I couldn't even look at him in the eye, but I just knew he didn't either, just by how hurt and tired his voice sounded. "that's why you're here."

"I—"

"I'm fine Y/n..." he assured me, bitterness fading from his voice the second he started to sympathize with how I must be feeling, the second he imagined the situation reverted. The way guilt and fear most likely would have been killing him slowly. "I just need a few days to heal... You don't need to—"

He gasped when I my arms embraced him almost desperately as I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't lose him. "I swear on my fuckin' life, Barnes—" I choked on my words and he wrapped his arms around me not without closing the door to rest his back against it. "don't do this to me alright?" he took a deep breath with his nose buried on my crown as his thumbs caressed both my back and my shoulder. "don't-- I can't lose you... Not you-- please not you."

I didn't realize I was sobbing until I didn't feel my tears on his shirt. "You won't" ha assured me, trying to keep his voice uniform for me not to notice that he was crying too. "I'll heal soon, don't worry." his breath was sharp as he squeezed my body against him, despite the pain that he most probably was feeling. "I got you."

I pulled away when my hands accidentally sneak under his shirt and felt the bandages. "you gotta lay down."

"yeah, you're probably right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're here to apologize 'cause you feel guilty or bad... Don't." he requested, looking up at me from my lap. "you really don't need to." his voice slowly started to drop when I ran my hands through his hair. "It was my fault... I shouldn't have... Said..."

"I love you."

"yeah."

"No, Bucky." I stopped my motions and looked at him dead in the eye. "I love you. I have done for a long time." he was quiet. "When you said... I really didn't wanna believe it... I don't know I just—" I sighed, shutting my eyes and leaning against the backrest. "I don't-- I don't wanna lose more people that I love and if I didn't say it out loud, I felt-" I took a deep breath, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "I felt like I wouldn't lose--"

I didn't even feel when he had propped himself up to reach me, I only felt his velvety soft lips against mine in the most loving, sweet kiss I had ever had.

"I get it, but we... We gotta be brave." he stated, laying down again with a wince, gazing into my now open eyes. "we don't have regular lives... And I didn't wanna say it out loud either but... I- I needed you to know." I nodded, letting my fingers ran through his short hair once more. "I don't wanna lose you, but let's be honest, that possibility exist, and..." his voice started to drop again, slowly being lulled by my touch. "I'd rather having you know how much... How much you mean to me... Than regretting not... Tellin' ya all my life..."

"You're right." I replied, leaning over to peek his lips, and then his forehead. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted... I really, really am." my thumb rubbed lazily his forehead as my eyes observed him with the love I finally was able to disclose.

"Y/n." I hummed. "lay down with me, please." he requested, lifting for my to move my legs. "I wanna hug you again." I complied without hesitation, being careful not to hurt him. "I love you." He whispered in my ear, pulling me up to rest half of my body over him.

"I love you too."