#where he says this line where he like 'fixes carlisle's face in his mind' to keep his resolve against bella

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

Nagant: Killing people in cold blood who didn't deserve it...being an assassin for the state...I couldn't do it anymore. How did you cope?

Hawks: Oh, I was able to kill people because I knew Endeavor was always cheering me on ^_^

Me, watching: .........🙏🏽

Me: ....Honey--

[lis-likes-fics]

Second Chances (Ending 1)

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Reader Warnings: Mention of death? Sorrow? Idk, what for the second ending. Author’s Note: I got bored and wanted to write something, so, here you go. Prompt comes from @maxkirin​. Thanks! :)

~~~~~

"Hey, promise me. Promise me you'll move on."

"You know I can't do that."

"Say you love me. Can you do that, please?"

"You'll get to hear it forever."

"Carlisle, I love yo-"

...

...

...

Three years.

It had been three years since he lost her.

Carlisle tried to move on, he did. Losing her was the hardest thing he ever had to experience in his very long life.

His family supported him, they tried to help anyway they could. They were the only reason he was still holding on, they needed him so he would be there for him.

But it wasn't enough to keep him alive. Even his new granddaughter, Renesmee could only bring so much light into his life. Everyone knew of who he lost, everyone knew why the excellent doctor of the town wasn't as radiant as he used to be.

But no one would understand his loss. No one would understand his pain. Even Jasper, who could feel it.

Even now as he drove to work, using the same route he did everyday, he missed her with all of his being. He couldn't help the emptiness that threatened to seep into his skin again as he thought about the times she decided to join him on his way to work. She would claim its "on the way", but she just wanted to spend the morning with him before turning around and heading the complete opposite way to get to her workplace.

He felt like a small smile was supposed to be threatening to creep onto his face, but all he felt like doing was crying at the memory.

All he had to do was tell her that he loved her too. But he didn't, he didn't even get to say that to her before she was gone.

He sucked in a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, his eyes scanning through his windshield, glancing over at the trees surrounding the road he drove on alone. His eyes caught onto a strange sign peaking out of the trees. He'd driven down this road hundreds-- thousands of times, and he'd never seen that sign there. He looked closely at it:

"For Sale: Second Chances"

He blinked at it, his brows twitching. Before he could pass the sign, he turned into the strange natural path the sign stood next to, driving into the trees and parking his car. He stepped out, looking down the path.

Carlisle narrowed his eyes, tapping into his hearing to see if he could get a clue as to what this was. He sighed and started walking down the path, extra careful of his surroundings to make sure there wasn't some threat lurking in the shadows.

After walking for a few minutes, he came up on a small shack. There was an open sign hanging on the door spray painted on a piece of wood. The windows were slightly dimmed, but he could see through just fine. There were shelves with empty and filled jars, little boxes, and much more.

He lingered at the door for a moment before opening it and stepping inside. He look around the slightly dusty place with curiosity. What was this place? The items on shelves and sitting on the floor along the walls were strange, but they seemed mundane enough.

"Hello?" He called, filling the silence with his smooth, velvety voice.

An lady peaked her head from a door behind the counter with a smile. She seemed to be in her early forties. She wore a hippie dress, a scarf tied around her head, her lips glossed. Her hair was white, but her skin was a rich, youthful brown. She wore gold hoop earrings, and her hands were decorated with rings. There was an excessive amount of necklaces hanging from her throat, but it somehow worked.

But it was her eyes that caught Carlisle's attention. They held an antiquity to them, like she was older than she looked. But she wasn't a vampire, he knew this.

The woman gave a warm smile, a kind of radiance in it, "Hello, how may I help you?"

He formed the question in his head before saying it out loud, "Who are you?"

She shrugged, her smile never faltering, "Just a shopkeep. Did you come in for our sale?"

Carlisle thought again, he was still confused and curious about everything, so he didn't exactly know how to answer, even with a mind as quick as his. "What is the sale?"

"Our Second Chance Sale," she shopkeep said, tilting her head politely.

"What is that?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. A second chance. Is that what you are in search of? A second chance?" She asked, fluttering her lashes, folding her hands together in question.

He hesitated, "A second chance at what?"

"You tell me, dear," she shrugged, "What is it you wish to fix?"

There was only one thing that came to mind, one thing that was always on his mind every second of every day. He would trade in his life to make things right. But this could easily just be some cruel joke.

But, if it was, the worse that could come of it would be the painful thought that he could have made things right but didn't.

He gave a nod, "I would save her."

She smiled again, holding her hand out to him, "Give me your hand."

Again, he was hesitant. He didn't know what to trust about this. In fact, he should have just gone to work and avoided the contact at all, but he hadn't. He felt a strange pull to this place, to something within it. Some feeling.

He handed her his hand, laying it in her palm as he held his breath. She looked down at it, flipping it over in his hand to reveal his palm. She looked closely at it for a while, as if seeing something more in the lines and creases than just lines and creases.

She nodded, grabbing a jar off the counter and opening it without breaking eye contact with his palm. She took a handful of the contents of the jar, the unknown powder being sprinkled in his hand and then the excess powder being discarded on the floor with little to no thought from the woman.

Carlisle watched the shopkeep worked as she closed his hand over the strange powder, kneading his fingers into his palm firmly. When she opened his hand again, the powder had completely disappeared. She looked back up at Carlisle and said, "In a few moments, your second chance will present itself to you."

Carlisle spoke, "What is the cost?"

She shrugged, "Whatever comes of it. If you succeed, the cost is your pain. It will disappear and you shall be happy again. However if you fail, the cost is your happiness. It will never be seen again."

Carlisle gave a solemn look, understanding with each second the graveness of the situation. This wasn't just for her, this was for him. He couldn't fail, he couldn't.

She gave him a stern nod before speaking in a firm voice, "Go."

~

Carlisle's eyes focused on the newspaper in his hands, sat in his home by himself. His children were out hunting, he had stayed back. He looked around, confused and surprised. What had happened?

All he remembered was the shopkeep, how did he end up here?

His phone rang during his quest to understand what was going on. He looked at it and picked it up. 'Alice'

He breathed in deeply before picking up the phone and bringing it to his ear, "Alice?"

Her voice was frantic, disturbed, as she spoke, "Carlisle? Y/N's in danger. She's going to be taken by Victoria."

Carlisle was suddenly hyperaware of everything. Those were the words Alice said to him when he called her that night. This was her second chance.

"How long do I have?" He questioned quickly, already in his car in the garage as he rushed out of the drive.

There was a beat of silence before she answered, "About five minutes. They're at the treaty line."

"Meet us there," Carlisle had no time to elaborate as he hung up, throwing his phone to the seat next to him and rushing to her. He already knew where she was. He'd lived it before. He would not live through what came after again.

He wasted no time in stopping the car with the screech of the wheels against the ground, getting out in no time and seeing the redhead standing with the love of his life. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. He hadn't seen her in so long.

"Y/N," he breathed. If he were capable of it, tears would have sprang to his eyes.

Victoria growled, "It's not as good as Bella, but I'll get to her in time." She was inching over to the edge of the line, closer and closer to the small trench where the river divided the territory.

Carlisle spoke in a demanding voice, "Stop this, Victoria! You won't hurt her."

She redhead sneered, "And why is that?"

"I won't let you, not this time," he muttered the last part mostly to himself. He had his hands held out in front of him.

Y/N looked at him only, her eyes flooded with tears, "Carlisle."

He looked at her, a burning in his throat from sorrow and not hunger. He just needed to save her. "It's okay, my love. You'll be okay."

Victoria yanked her back again, closer towards the edge where she threatened to drop her. Carlisle turned back to Victoria, fury in his eyes that seemed so unnatural on him. She taunted, "Might as well say goodbye."

"Not today," he told her, his tone of voice also sounding foreign on him.

"You made the mistake of keeping her human," Victoria laughed wickedly.

"Hey," Y/N said softly, "Carlisle, look at me."

He did, he would always have his eyes on her as much as he possibly could, especially after losing her for so long. This was his second chance, he would not mess this up.

She, on the other hand, wasn't so confident in making it out alive. She swallowed hard, tears staining her face, "Hey, promise me. Promise me you'll move on."

The words hurt him, they cut like a knife as he heard them again. He would not lose her, he couldn't. Not again.

"I don't have to," he told her just as gently.

She looked him in the eyes with a deepness that touched his soul. How he missed her eyes. "Say you love me. Can you do that, please?"

He nodded, he could do that. "I love you, Y/N," he told her. He hadn't told her this last time. He should have.

She smiled, "I love you, Carlisle."

Carlisle's eyes widened as he reached out as things seemed to move in slow motion, even for him. Victoria scoffed and shifted, moving to throw Y/N over the edge and over where the river was. That's how she died the first time. She'd hit her head on one of the sharp rocks by the river.

But that wouldn't happen again.

Carlisle did something this time that he hadn't done before. He relied on his family for help.

Jasper, at the speed of light, lunged forward and caught Y/N in his arms. He held her close, shielding her head by tucking it in his chest as he curled around her. He fell to the dirt ground, cushioning her fall with his body.

The other siblings appeared from the trees, in hot pursuit of Victoria as she darted the other way for her grand getaway. They ran after her, save for Jasper and Carlisle, who were still with Y/N.

Jasper pulled away from Y/N and Carlisle was by her side in no time, looking over her quickly to make sure she was okay. "Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need help?" He drowned her in questions as he looked her over three hundred times.

Y/N nodded, "Carlisle, I'm fine." She smiled widely, throwing herself in his arms. Carlisle froze for a moment, but not long enough for her to register. She had her arms thrown around her in a flash, holding her a little too tight, afraid that if he let go, it would all end up being some dream.

Tears would have stained his face as well if they were able to. He brought her close, inhaling the scent he missed with all of his being, feeling the body he missed holding. When he allowed himself to pull back enough to see her, he was immediately lost in her eyes and in her smile. He never thought he would see her again, and here she was in his arms.

He captured her lips in his, a searing that rocked his world. It was like gravity didn't exist, like she was the only thing keeping him to the ground. He hadn't felt so free, so alive, in years. It felt like longer. Losing her was the most horrible experience he could ever have gone through.

Y/N was left breathless from the kiss. She giggled lightly, still clearly shaken, "I know you almost lost me, but that was something else. Are you okay?"

She laid a hand on his cheek, and he leaned into it, a smile on his face. His face contorted into a look that told her he was wanting to cry. One of his large, cold hands covered hers and held it to his face. "I missed you so much," he whispered, pulling her into another hug he couldn't resist.

"Missed me?" She wondered, confused by his choice of words.

He sighed contently, "I'll explain later. Right now, just...let me hold you."

She wrapped her arms back around him, holding him impossibly close, "Okay. I love you."

If his voice could crack, it would have there as he responded with so much sincerity that the whole world seemed to shake slightly from the truth in his words, "I love you, too. I love you so much, more than anything in this world."

She smiled, kissing his cheek and continuing to hold him.

His children came back, their looks tense and disappointed. Emmett spoke, quite angry from the news, "She got away, jumped over the treaty line."

Carlisle nodded, "I know." But he didn't care. He would later, though. Right now, he would hold the love of his life forever, he would never let her go again.

He got his second chance.

[rosalies-rage]

folklore x Twilight: An Analysis

folklore's lyrics match Twilight uncannily well and here’s proof! 

my tears ricochet - Rosalie

We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)

Rosalie would sing this to her murderer/fiancé at her funeral as he goes around being the ‘hero’ and ‘saving face’. She’s ‘screaming at the sky’ because he has stolen the one thing she really wanted from her ‘anywhere I want, just not home’. Even though she loved him ‘til [her] dying day’, she can never forgive and has no choice but to haunt him.

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exile - Edward in New Moon

I think I’ve seen this film before And I didn’t like the ending You’re not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town, now I’m in exile seein’ you out We always walked a very thin line You didn’t even hear me out (You didn’t even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)

Edward leaves in New Moon because he believes he and his world are too dangerous for Bella, exiling himself indefinitely. They had ‘always walked a very thin line’ as he tried to be with her without harming her, and he literally ‘never learned to read [her] mind’. Now he’s left and can’t do what he wanted to do, i.e protect her (’what am I defending now?’).

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august - Jacob

Salt air, and the rust on your door I never needed anything more Whispers of “Are you sure?” “Never have I ever before”

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Canceled plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose, no

Your back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you

Bella and Jacob start spending time together in the ‘salt air’ by La Push beach fixing beaten-up motorbikes (’rust’). Jacob knows Bella isn’t interested in him but lives in hope (’to live for the hope of it all’) and by the time the Cullens come back he’s convinced he could win Bella’s loyalties (’I remember thinkin’ I had you’). It doesn’t take place in summer, but it is a brief, intense fling that lifts Bella from her Edward-induced winter, and Bella calls Jacob her personal ‘sun’. In the end, though, Bella tells Jacob that there was never really a choice between him and Edward; it was always going to be Edward (’You weren’t mine to lose’). 

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invisible string - Alice & Jasper

And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold Tied me to you

Alice woke up as a vampire with no memory of her past - all she had was her psychic abilities, which were an ‘invisible string’ leading her directly to Jasper. On Jasper’s side, he was living a brutal life training newborn armies until Alice found him and ‘wrapped all of [his] past mistakes in barbed wire’, putting ‘chains around his demons’ and leading him to a better life. You could also interpret it as his journey to chaining his inner monster that wants to kill humans when he goes to live with the Cullens.

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epiphany - Carlisle

Something med school did not cover Someone's daughter, someone's mother Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out" And some things you just can't speak about

Only twenty minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief To make some sense of what you've seen

This song describes the experience of medical staff during the COVID-19 pandemic, and Carlisle was a doctor during the last major pandemic (Spanish Flu in 1918), which is where he turned Edward. A religious man, he searches for an ‘epiphany’ from God while he grapples with the decision to consign another person to a life of vampirism and tries to understand whether or not he still has a soul.

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mad woman - Rosalie

Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn? Does she smile? Or does she mouth, "Fuck you forever"? And there's nothing like a mad woman What a shame she went mad No one likes a mad woman You made her like that And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out And you find something to wrap your noose around

They say “move on” but you know I won’t

I'm taking my time, taking my time 'Cause you took everything from me

Rosalie is filled with anger and bitterness over her murder. She’s cast in a bad light particularly because she’s an angry, ‘mad woman’ but she explains that her murderers ‘made her like that’ when they ‘took everything from [her]’, and in return she ‘[took her] time’ when killing them to make sure they knew she was coming.

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cardigan - Bella on Jacob

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed  You put me on and said I was your favorite  You drew stars around my scars But now I’m bleedin’

Bella was destroyed after Edward left, feeling that he’d taken most of her with him and was just discarded like an unwanted toy (’I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed’). Then she started hanging out with Jacob and his friendship (’I was your favorite’) started to heal - or at least disguise - the hole in her chest (’You drew stars around my scars’). But then he left, too, when the werewolf transformation happened, which left her ‘bleeding’. It turned out she wasn’t really healed, she’d just been papering over the gap with Jacob’s love.

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illicit affairs - Edward & Bella as tragic fated lovers

Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms  Ends in meetings in parking lots It’s born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies A million little times 

Leave no trace behind, like they don’t even exist

When Edward first becomes enamored with Bella and wants to get closer to her, he convinces himself he can always stop - but he can’t. The more time he spends with her, the more doomed he is. When Bella gets hurt because of him, first in Twilight and then in New Moon, he disappears in hopes of keeping her safe and hides all the presents he gave her (’leave no trace behind’). 

And you wanna scream Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

A dwindling mercurial high A drug that only worked the first few hundred times

And you know damn well For you, I would ruin myself A million little times

This part is Bella’s response. When he left, he took away this entire paranormal world he’d introduced her to (‘You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else’), leaving her to think she’s gone insane because not only has she lost the love of her life, all traces of an entire extra world have disappeared. She wants him to stop patronising her by saying she’ll move on like mortals do (’Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me’). Desperate to get some sense that he’s still there, she starts doing risky stunts like motorbike racing and jumping off a cliff (’A dwindling mercurial high’). Like she told him in the meadow scene in the first book, she is willing to die for him, and we see in New Moon that he feels the same way (‘you know damn well / For you I would ruin myself, a million little times’). The only way for them to stay apart would’ve been to never meet in the first place.

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seven - Rosalie on her childhood friend Vera

Please picture me in the trees I hit my peak at seven Feet in the swing over the creek I was too scared to jump in But I, I was high in the sky With Pennsylvania under me Are there still beautiful things? Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the Moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously Any time I wanted

Rosalie fondly recalls her human life and her best friend Vera, who had the normal life she never got. This ‘love lasts so long’ even though Vera is dead by now because Rosalie still remembers her, even if her human memories are fuzzy and she can’t necessarily ‘recall [her] face’. Also, Rosalie was always valued only for her beauty, but maybe she ‘hit [her] peak at seven’ because her beauty hadn’t yet started overshadowing her personhood and she was still able to ‘scream ferociously’ at that age instead of being the girl and young woman who had to learn ‘civility’ and be married off to a rich man.

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hoax - Bella in New Moon

My only one My smoking gun My eclipsed sun This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My winless fight This has frozen my ground Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue but you No other sadness in the world would do  My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire  You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart

Bella’s ‘eclipsed sun’ has disappeared and left her ‘broken’, ‘sleepless’ and believing she has no way to win him back. She literally goes and stands on a ‘cliffside’ before jumping off just to see a hallucination of his face - Edward, a mythical creature, is the ‘only hoax she believes in’. Even though he’s hurt her and broken her heart, she ‘don’t want no other shade of blue but you’. He thinks he’s saving her from harm by leaving, but the scar from James still bothers her, i.e. his leaving cannot protect her as the damage has been done (’You know it still hurts underneath my scars’) and now Edward has just added emotional scars that ‘pulled [her] apart’ and left a gaping hole in her chest.

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peace - Edward & Bella in Breaking Dawn

I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it’s just around the corner darlin Coz it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Throughout the series, Edward has been afraid to get too close to Bella for fear of hurting her (’danger is near’, ‘it lives in me’). Now he finally has to accept that she’s not going anywhere and value her choice. Even after he’s no longer a threat to her directly, their life is full of challenges like the Volturi. It’s impossible to guarantee her safety, and she doesn’t want him to - she wants to be in his world as an equal. He comes to terms with the fact that it’s okay if he can ‘never give [her] peace’.

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[captain-yeet]

Heartbreaker (Felix Volturi x Fem!Reader One-Shot)

Request by Anon; Hi could you do an imagine with Felix just leaving people after he sleeps with them and not caring about hurting their feelings? (I can’t stop thinking about it)

Warnings: NSFW themes, abandonment, Fuckboy!Felix

Word Count: 1.78k

Author Notes: Oh god my heart. I’m like, a super emphatic person so when I say I felt this while writing it I FELT THE PAIN

You’d been warned of a vampire’s charm, but that sure didn’t stop you from finding yourself falling for one particular tall muscular vampire, did it?

Despite the warnings from those who knew of how seductive a vampire could be - and warnings from those who knew Felix - you still got wrapped around his finger. Quite happily so. It began with the two of you shooting flirty comebacks at each other, and then that lead to you two getting even more flirty with each other, which lead to hanging out in secret... and then to last night’s events.

You’d slept with him.

He had slept with you.

And it felt amazing. You enjoyed it a lot.

That would have been the most mind-boggling thing about your relationship with him and sure, you still questioned it, but as you stirred back to the land of the living you awoke to just you in the bed.

Alone.

No Felix, but certainly evidence all around you that he was here.

The bedroom looked like it’d been hit by a hurricane with blankets strewn haphazardly across the bed and the floor. Your clothes you’d worn the night before - you couldn’t even call them clothes anymore as they’d been torn. You moved your head and felt something soft shift in your hair. Reaching to pluck whatever it was, your fingers found the stuffing from your pillow had made it’s way to your hair.

 “Shit,” you sighed, closing your eyes and arching your back as you stretched. Your stretch was short lived as you cried out, a pain shooting up your spine from your hip.

You slowly came to a sitting position, breathing heavily as the pain throbbed away. Now more awake, you carefully slid off the bed and made your way to the mirror in the bathroom.

What you found honestly shocked you.

A deep, dark bruise shaped oddly like a hand print bloomed at your left hip, a matching one on the right. The right-sided bruise wasn’t as sore-looking as the one on the left. Guess he really gripped me hard last night, you concluded, frowning as you scanned the rest of your body. You wouldn’t have minded much if you could properly put weight down on your left leg. It felt like the nerves were being pinched.

As your eyes moved up your reflection, tears came. You did not look good. It was as if someone had beaten you to a pulp, with more bruises lining your forearms, your neck and even down at your thighs. Your lips were swollen too.

Breathing becoming erratic, you turned away from the mirror disgusted. “So much for being gentle by vampire standards,” you huffed, wiping away a tear.

You weren’t expecting to wake up looking like this. Sure, you’d heard about the possibility of getting a few bruises but you expected not to wake up to the aftermath alone. 

Where the hell was he? Was this his plan all along? Get close to the gullible human girl, fuck her and leave her? The thought made a little tiny sob bubble it’s way to the surface. Fueled by the panic of waking up sore, bruised and alone, you tried to get your thoughts together.

First step, find some clothes. Make them comfy.

Padding back into your room you rummaged through your drawers for some loose, comfortable clothing. As you shimmied into your sweatpants, more pain shot up your spine.

 “Fuck,” you hissed, letting your body rag doll onto the half-destroyed bed. “I need to call a doctor.”

But how would I explain this? Oh hi doc, yeah I might be injured after having filthy dirty sex with a vampire. That wasn’t going to fly.

At that moment, your phone started buzzing.

Gritting your teeth through the pain, you wriggled over to the end table while still on the mattress and picked up the call. “Hello?” you answered, part of you hoping it would be Felix.

 “Y/N?” came a light, almost sing-song voice.

Ah, Alice.

 “Hey Alice, what’s up?”

 “I had a vision -”

You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. “Do you know?”

She sighed. “Yes, I do. Are you okay?”

 “I... no, my body hurts like a bitch,” you confessed. “Like, ‘I need to see a doctor’ bad.”

 “I’ve already told Carlisle -”

 “Alice!” you whined, heat flooding your cheeks. “Why would you tell him?”

 “Because, little breakable Y/N,” she quipped at you with her signature sass, however it was laced with concern, “I saw you in pain and you falling over. You can’t really go to a normal doctor about this, so Carlisle is on his way.”

Curse the tiny psychic and her sound logic. Unable to give a counter-argument, you simply sighed and shook your head. You knew she was right. “Fine, you’ve got me. I’ll wait for Carlisle to show up.”

And so you did. About fifteen minutes after your call with Alice, you let the good doctor into your home. In a way, you felt a little grateful for Alice’s vision; the though of having to explain to Carlisle why you were so banged up embarrassed you. It’s not like you were close to the man - a heat flushed your cheeks at the made-up interaction in your mind. “Hey Carlisle! Oh how did this happen? Well you know how everyone warning me about getting close to Felix of the Volturi? Well I ignored all that and we had sex last night, and now he’s gone without a word and everything hurts and I just want to cry!”

It would have been humiliating.

Luckily for you, Carlisle wasn’t one to judge.

 As he examined your bruises, he met your gaze with concerned golden eyes. “How are you feeling, aside from the soreness Y/N?”

 “I’m feeling...” You struggled to find the correct word. “I guess, upset.”

 “That’s understandable,” Carlisle replied softly, nodding to himself as he averted his eyes back to the task at hand. “I have to ask as a doctor and as the grandfather of a hybrid - did you use protection?”

Blushing would be an understatement for how red your face grew. “Yes.”

 “And Felix? Are you expecting him back any time soon?”

Your heart ached. “No he uh,” you paused, eyes glued to the doctor’s hands, “I don’t know where he is. Pretty sure he just kinda left.”

A pause. “I see.”

An uneasy silence fell over the two of you as Carlisle checked over your injuries. You felt like garbage and that was really the only words you could use to describe your predicament; garbage. Complete and utter garbage. 

A soft hand on your shoulder brought you out of your miserable disassociation. You looked up at the doctor, a sad smile making it’s way to your sore swollen lips. “You all warned me, I’m reaping the consequences.”

The kindness to your surprise, left Carlisle eyes. A hard glare fixated onto your face, boring into your eyes and internally you shrunk under his now hardened gaze. “Do not blame yourself for the actions of an uncaring man, Y/N.”

That glare stuck in your mind for a long time, along with his words. You’d known the doctor to be so kind, a warm presence; never had you seen him look so intimidating. 

Months went by and you thought you’d never see the man you shared a night with again. Until one particularly rainy night.

You were nestled in bed watching a show when you heard the faint clink of your bedroom window opening and shutting, and a large shadow moving in the corner of your room. Fumbling for the remote to pause the show, you began to panic until the shadow stepped into the light.

Low and behold, there was Felix.

 “You know it’s politer to knock right?’ you said haughtily. Irritation of being ghosted for months built up and began to pour out into your words as you glared at the immortal who broke your heart (and nearly your body).

He fixed a collected stare on you, tensed up and angry. “I suspect you have questions, but I’m here on business.”

Swiveling into an upright sitting position, you barked out a bitter laugh. “Questions, he says,” you sneered. “you bet your ass I have some.”

Felix’s cool gaze turn cold, frustrated. “Oh please - don’t tell me you’re still upset over that night a while ago?”

 “Of course I am!” you felt your body move on it’s own accord, moving off the bed and towards the tall man in one swift movement. “I wake up bruised and feeling arguably the worst pain I’ve felt in multiple parts of my body, and where are you? Nowhere to be found.”

 “You knew the risks!” he quipped back, lowering his head down to match your glare. “Forgive me if I didn’t want to stick around for some human’s breakdown over a couple of bruises in bed.”

Once again, your heart shattered at his words. You leaned back, away from him, mouth open. Hot angry tears welled up in your eyes. “Then maybe, just maybe, Felix,” you growled his name as you tried to swallow back your emotions, “try keeping it in your pants if you’re just going to be a giant piece of shit.” All of this could have been avoided for you if you’d just not have toyed with me, asshole.

You didn’t realise you said that last part out loud until you saw his eyes widen angrily; you noted he looked shocked, even.

Felix closed his eyes, a low growl being suppressed in his throat. He turned away from you and began to walk toward the window. “Aro had been contacted by the leader of the Cullens... said I should come by here and mend things with you.”

He spoke in a low, barely controlled voice. You had to strain your hearing just to make out what he was saying. 

 “Some things can’t simply be mended that easily,” you replied sadly, wiping away the wetness on your cheek with the back of your hand. “And I don’t forgive easy. Vampire, human... you’re the last man I’ll let break my heart.”

He nodded to himself. As he reopened the window to climb back out, he half-turned his head to you. “I’m not a man to be tied down right now, Y/N. I haven’t met my mate yet so I’ll continue to fool around with whoever I wish. After all, why not? But for what it’s worth, I... I apologise for the physical pain I caused you with my roughness.”

Before you could even respond, he was gone the next time you blinked, leaving you with high emotions and the sadness of a few months ago rearing it’s head once more.

Tag list: @vamp-army​

[goldeneyedgirl]

the fic that does not exist

What you are about to read was the first Twilight fic I posted. In all honesty, I deleted it two weeks after posting it and repurposed it for my degree into a 21,000 word novella that I’m still trying to turn into a decent YA book because, frankly, it has potential and I want to. 

But gosh, do I love the original version because I can see exactly where it was supposed to go and it remains one of the best things I’ve written. Because it turned into something that got me my degree. A precursor to how I approached Shadow to Light. To Alice always been a tiny bit bonkers in my fic.

It will never be reposted on AO3 or FF.net. What is posted below is probably 75% of the original. Some parts/lines were removed but nothing that affects the plot. There is a 50/50 chance I may delete this in the future.

But yeah, from circa 2015 (what the absolute fuck, I’ve been at this for five years?!), have “R”. 

--

It begins on a Wednesday. She runs out the front door, in bare feet and a nightdress that is too short, and she keeps running until she reaches Dr Cullen's house.

("It's Aro, Carlisle. We need to find the others, we can fix this.")

Dr Cullen brings her inside and Mrs Cullen gives her a glass of orange juice. They ask her a lot of questions, and she trusts them until the paramedics come to the door and she drops the glass, cutting foot badly and she hopes she bled all over Mrs Cullen's ugly rug.

(She doesn't scream or cry in the ambulance. She answers their questions politely, and apologises for getting blood on the gurney.)

She is put in a tiny cubicle to wait, a nurse cleaning and bandaging her cut foot. She asks for a glass of water the nurse never brings. And then, he's there. Too-long blonde hair, stooped stance, too thin and hollow looking, the circles under his eyes darker than his eyes.

("Jasper," she whispers. He doesn't hear her. He does when she calls out to him, and tries to leave the cubicle. She starts to scream for him when the nurses appear out of nowhere, and hold her down, slide the syringe into her and even as she's crying for him to save her, her world is turning white and quiet. And when she wakes up, she can't quite remember the name on her tongue, the face blurred in her memory.)

--

Her mother unlocks the door sometime after two, and carries in a tray. Milk, a sandwich and dozens of tiny round pills.

"It's time to eat," her mother says simply, placing the tray on her desk.

She watches her mother fuss around her room, making the bed, gathering the laundry. Doing her duty, and nothing more. There is never an explanation, never comfort.

Just obligation.

Her mother hates the way she stares, with her eyes too big and too knowing. She always thought a mother's love was infinite, eternal and complete. Now she has found the well tapped barren and dry, and she finds it difficult to grieve for that.

When she thinks of a mother, it is not this sour woman who pins her like a butterfly with shame and pity and resentment. No, the mother she images has laughing eyes and hair the colour of caramel. A woman who fixes, soothes, comforts and loves. Who smells of summer herbs and fresh linen, and a laugh like bells.

--

There's so little to do, now everything has been taken from her. Instead, she sinks into her tiny garden, gathering the pots around her until she can pretend, the scent of herbs thrown into the air, and she watches through the railings. She sees a lot. She sees Miss Hale stealing kisses from the McCarty boy, but turns him away in front of witnesses.

(It upsets and frustrates her, more than she can explain. She watches Miss Hale go out in expensive dresses with men too old for her, watches the dark cars pull up out the front of the prim and proper Hale residence. And every night, she waits. Waits for Miss Hale to get home safe, always waiting and listening for any cry for help.)

The McCarty boy sees her watching, and waves to her every time, with a cheerful grin and a wink. She waves back and blows a playful kiss when she knows Miss Hale is watching.

(She hasn't found her prince; she doesn't get much of a chance to look for him, locked away in her tower. But until she finds him, the McCarty boy could be her knight and rescue her, in a pinch.)

--

Her dreams are nonsensical, fragments of something larger that she doesn’t know how to decipher.

She dreams of running like the wind, of laughter and happiness. Of her hand clasped around another, but she cannot glimpse a face. Just a presence that anchors her.

She dreams of her hand slipping free and she stumbles, falling an impossible distance. Then there is mud and smoke and blood, and she is screaming hoarsely. She scrambles to her feet, and it is hard to run, the plants and mud tangling her feet. Under the smoke, she smells decay and mud. And she is trapped in her own grave, the darkness a weight upon her.

The smells from her dreams – of blood and smoke – hang heavily in the room when she jerks away from those haunting visions, enough that she thinks she can actually smell them. It’s just her imagination, she tells herself, but in the darkness of her bedroom, with the full moon hanging in the sky, it’s hard to believe it. That the stench isn’t there, blurring the lines of nightmares and memories.

--

She sneaks out during the summer fair, in a dress that is too long, and she didn't realise how much she has faded away, as she knots the straps tighter. The night is warm, and really, no one is going to notice her.

The fairy lights are woven through the trees, and music is playing softly. Laughter, chatter, fills the park, and it is magical. She wants to live in this moment forever.

He finds her sitting on the front steps of the library, peeling rind from the orange, her tongue catching the droplets of juice, her eyes closed in enjoyment. She is magnificent, with the ribbon in her hair, the oversized dress. She is gaunt, pale, like a tiny ghost and he is entranced and he doesn't know why.

(She welcomes him with a smile; he tastes like cigarettes and stewed coffee, she tastes like oranges and something bitter. Hands slide into pants, under skirts, and for her, it is salvation. For him, it is a drop of water in the middle of a desert. Gone all too soon and never again reclaimed.)

He buys her a blue paper flower that she tucks behind her ear, and she traces her fingers over his track marks so lovingly, he is surprised that they don't fade away.

--

Dr Cullen is kind to her, but her outburst so many months ago is still fresh in his mind, she can tell. He touches her gingerly, pity in his gaze at the black and blue shadows over her limbs.

(He sees finger prints colouring her hips, from her sweet, lovely prince the night of the summer festival. She wears them with honour, and she meets the good doctor's surprised glance with a cheeky smile.)

After the shot, the world is soft and her mother speaks to Dr Cullen, their words a dull hum. Nothing will change, nothing ever does. She will be returned to her tower, to sleep and pills and watching, for another twenty-seven days, until she is brought back to Dr Cullen.

--

She has one magnificent nightmare, where she is the princess at a ball, safe in the arms of the prince. But then there is nothing but blood, ghosts with scarlet eyes, her sweet tower a darkened dungeon, and bodies, oh the bodies. Of her beloved prince, her sweet knight, the ones that she watches over. Bodies split like overripe fruit, splayed open like butchered meat.

She screams until she wakes, her throat hoarse and raw and on fire, her mother waiting for her in the shadows, to send her back to the dungeons, the red-eyed monsters and the ocean of blood in weeping silence.

--

Sleep isn't coming, even with the pills on her tongue, with only water lining her stomach. She gives herself a paper cut and watches the bead of blood well up on her pale finger, and it is obscene and unexpected, and she watches it roll down her finger, over her knuckle with parted lips.

When she can dredge up enough energy, she writes a list. Of names, of people whose faces in her memory are hazy and indistinct. Of things that might have happened and things that did happen, but somewhere else. Of things she cannot allow herself to forget, even as the memories and details fall through her fingers.

--

Everything is blurring together, and she cannot put it right. She stitches memories together with justifications and logic, but their edges are still uneven, ill-fitting. Nothing is truly wrong – unless you count the crazy girl locked in a tower – but it isn’t right either.

Faces tumble through her memory, but she cannot remember the things she was supposed to never ever forget.

--

She leaps, leaps to freedom with a paper flower in her hair. It is better than flying. She leaps without regret, with sheer determination and the knowledge that there is nothing left for her in this place.

(The pills are bitter, the tower is quiet. Her hair floats loose around her face, not long, but no longer short. She didn't regret the loss of Mary-Alice in 1919, she doesn't mourn her now.)

The ground is hard, harder than she ever imagined. And she is just a doll of porcelain, already cracked at the seams. She shatters perfectly, the flower tumbling from her hair.

--

They bury her on a Friday, and it rains. A modest gathering of associated people in black, over an open grave, the only words that are offered are from a man that knows nothing more about Alice than a long illness that curdled her brain and sapped her body.

(Rosalie Hale came home at dawn with a torn dress and haunted eyes, but only screamed at the sight of the broken girl underneath the old oak tree. Emmett McCarty came running, and wept for the sweet dead girl who hid behind the railings and watched; for the necklace of bruises around Rosalie's pale throat. For a sense of utter wrongness he cannot put into words.)

A boy with dead eyes and thin arms waits at the back of the group, clutching a single orange and a bunch of flowers. He stares at the hole in the ground, saying nothing, but leaves his offerings on the fresh dirt with a reverence for something much greater than a sick girl. He is resigned to hopelessness that his salvation has gone, and all that lingers is the memory of enormous blue eyes and a sweet touch.

(Jasper Whitlock pushes aside the roses from the Cullens, the sunflowers from the Masens, the lilies from the Swans and nestles the orange in the dirt. His flowers were plucked from a garden, snow-white daisies and tiny blue flowers he cannot name - Forget-Me-Nots that will outlive anything else left behind.)

Her mother studies the grave sternly, smoothing down the hair of her younger daughter, and accepts the sympathies graciously. Her own pink carnations are already drooping over the headstone, as if they recognize her apathy to her child's fate.

(Emmett McCarty brings three bright yellow tulips in shaking hands. He tried, tried so hard to bring her back, even as his hands felt the sharp edges of bone under cold flesh. It was him that peeled the torn piece of paper from her hand, expecting a suicide note, her final words, but the curling handwriting offers not an explanation but two words 'Aro. Volturi.' And those are words that send a spike of fear through him and he doesn't know why. The note is still in his jeans' pocket and he doesn't know whom to tell.)

The rain turns the cemetery to mud and people begin to leave, petals dragged from stems with the ferocity. By winter, her grave will blend in with the rest, grass having grown over the dirt. Her family will leave her to her quiet sleep. It will be only a shattered girl, a broken prince and a confused knight that keep vigil at her grave.

(Esme Cullen buys pink roses and tries not to cry as she sits alone in her car. She truly doesn't know why, but there is something else there, just under the surface that she cannot quite decipher, that leaves her sobbing for the girl that saw no other way out than throwing herself from her tower, and all that Esme can do is offer pink roses and regret.)

--

She opens her eyes. And she screams.

(There is no more fear; just purest rage, sharpest anger. She will have her retribution and it will be sweet.)

[the-jade-cross]

A Thousand Years - Chapter 7

“Kamber isn’t feeling well?” Calliope asked. “That’s strange. Do you think it has something to do with the pregnancy?” Carlisle shook his head, “I don’t think it’s anything physical…. But emotional.”

Zayne smiled. “Well that is more than enough reason to want to see us…. But why did she specifically ask for Calliope and me?”

The doctor vampire shrugged, “She didn’t say.” Zayne was about to speak again but Calliope interrupted him. “We’ll go see how she is. Where is Edward?” “He left last night for a business trip,” Carlisle replied. “He’ll be back in three days. The twins are out with Jasper and Emmett, hunting.” The two Vicasi kids nodded before heading upstairs to Kamber’s room. When they entered, they found her sitting on the edge of her bed, a piece of paper in her hand and staring off into space.

“Kam?” Zayne asked. “What happened?” Kamber looked up at their appearance and her face showed signs of relief. Calliope rushed over and sat down next to her sister, wrapping her in a hug, “Whatever it is, we’re here to help you.” Zayne walked over and grabbing a chair, sat down on it backwards so he was facing Kamber, “So what’s up?”

Kamber sighed, looking down at the paper in her hands, “Edward has been acting weird the past several weeks. At first, I thought he was just busy or worried about trying to find a job and I told him it wouldn’t matter if he got a job or not, but he said it wasn’t that. Then yesterday he came home and acted all different and more loving than usual…. And he disappeared again to leave for the trip.” “He still isn’t around when you wake up?” Zayne asked, frowning. “Maybe he’s going through something difficult and he doesn’t want to worry you about it.” Kamber nodded, “That’s what I thought…. Until I saw a text on his phone while he was in the shower.” The girl grabbed her phone and turned on a photo that she had taken and showed it to Zayne. The boy looked at it and saw it was a screenshot of a text.

Edward: I told you to not contact me like this anymore.

Bella: You think I would listen? When will you come by tomorrow?

Edward: Usual time

Bella: Man of few words huh?

Edward: Stop annoying me

Bella: ooh so scary!

Edward: I’m warning you

Bella: Fine, just hurry over here before I die of boredom

“Why in the world is he texting his ex?” Zayne asked, frowning.

“Maybe she is annoying him,” Calliope suggested.

Zayne shook his head. “The way that she is talking, it sounds like they are doing something together. She asked when he would come by…. So that means he has gone to her house.” Calliope frowned, “Kamber, what do you think?” The girl shook her head, “I don’t know what to think. That’s why I need your help.” The two Vicasi kids smiled, “What is it?” “I need you to follow Edward. I don’t want to doubt him, but I am beginning to,” Kamber replied. “He is staying at this address.” She held out the piece of paper to Zayne who took it and looked at the address, “Seattle. Okay, when do we leave?” “In an hour,” Kamber replied. “Alice reserved you two tickets for a direct flight there. I got you a hotel room across the street from the hotel Edward is staying at.”

Calliope smiled and tapped her ear, “Good thing I have overly enhanced hearing. We may not even need to leave our room! And with Zayne’s sixth sense, we won’t get caught. What about mom and dad?” Kamber smiled, “I asked Jacob Black and Antigone to cover for you. They’re going to make up a story that you two went with Seth and Leah to Alaska to visit Edward’s cousins up there. Leah and Seth know about it and they are going up there to hunt.” “What about Edward’s cousins?” Zayne asked. “Just making sure there is no hitch.” “Rosalie called them.” Kamber replied. “The only ones who know the truth about the plan are Edward’s cousins, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, me, you two, Antigone, Jacob, Seth and Leah.” “That’s quite a few people,” Zayne pointed out, but Calliope interrupted him.

“But they’re all reliable. Don’t worry sis, we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Kamber smiled, “I was going to ask Alice or Rose to go but Edward can read their minds. He cannot read yours.” “Got it covered,” Zayne told her, patting her shoulder. “Leave it to us.”

***********

Edward groaned. He had barely checked into his hotel room when Bella had called and told him that she was in the room across the hall from him. He had five minutes to get ready before they went out for a stroll.

Edward grabbed his jacket and pulling it on, stepped out of his room. He saw that Bella had already left her room and was walking toward the elevator. Edward followed but kept rolling his eyes and internally groaning. He completely ignored Bella as she waved her hips seductively as she walked.

When they reached the elevator, Bella opened the door and stepped in, revealing that it was empty. Edward stepped in and forced a smile onto his face.

He walked in and stood across the elevator from Bella. Edward watched as she punched the first floor.

The doors closed and they were left alone in silence.

“Good thing I chose the rooms on the top floor,” Bella smirked.

Edward frowned before looking at the panel to see that indeed they were on the 50th floor and were going all the way down.

Before he had time to register this, Bella had crossed across the elevator and had pressed her leg between his thighs and crashed her lips to his.

Edward wanted to resist but then he remembered their agreement. Groaning in his head, he grabbed the girl’s face with one hand and her thigh with the other, spinning around to pin her to the wall. Bella gasped and moaned as he pressed his weight against her and kissed her back, hard, darting his tongue into her mouth.

Little did he know, that a certain Vicasi girl was standing in her bedroom across the street from him with a shocked expression her face.

“Kamber isn’t going to like this,” Calliope whispered to Zayne.

The boy sighed, “There is no way we can avoid telling her. She knew something bad was happening. The least we can do is tell her the nicest way possible… that Edward is not loyal.”

***************

“Kam?” Alice whispered, peaking into her bedroom.

Viggo and Hunter were asleep in the room across the hall which had been renovated for them since they were now the size of five-year olds and moved in their sleep which meant that there was little room for them in the same bed as Kamber.

When Alice looked in, she was shocked to see Rosalie and Antigone in there, helping the girl pack!

“What is going on?” she asked, charging into the room but closing it so that the twins, who were napping, weren’t roused.

“I have to leave Alice,” Kamber replied, taking a pile of shirts from Rosalie and putting them in her backpack.

“But Kam…” Alice started but Rosalie interrupted her.

“Don’t tell me that you didn’t see this coming Alice. You can see the future,” Rose snapped. “You just didn’t tell us what you saw because you didn’t want to hurt Kamber.” Kamber lifted her eyes and Alice realized the girl had been crying… a lot!

“But why Kam?” Alice asked. “We should talk to Edward about it. He might have had a reason.” “For what?” Antigone snapped. “For kissing Bella in the elevator?” Alice froze. She had always tried to support her brother and remain loyal to him but now that she thought of it, Edward would have told them if something was going on or he was having a hard time…. And yet he went and did something like this without explaining it.

Alice sighed, “But where will you go?” Kamber took the books that Antigone handed to her and stuffed them into the little space left in her bag, “To visit my aunt and uncle in Austria.” “But that’s….” Alice started.

“A long way away,” Kamber finished. “Yeah I know. I was considering leaving one of the boys here with Edward but the last thing I want is for the two of them to be separated…. But I didn’t feel comfortable leaving both twins here. I don’t want them growing up without their mother and….”

The girl couldn’t finish for her voice caught in her throat and she had to swallow a sob. Alice walked across the room and drew the girl into a tight hug.

“I understand Kam. I only hope that one day you’ll be able to return home and we can fix this all up.” Kamber nodded, “One day… I hope.” Without another word, Kamber drew away from her and silently left the room. Rose and Antigone followed, carrying the two bags Kamber filled. When they met her in the living room, she was carrying Viggo on her hip and had Hunter’s hand in his. Both had backpacks on their backs and were looking rather puzzled.

The whole Cullen family, minus Edward, were in the living room as well as Kamber’s whole family.

“Are you sure about this honey?” Mrs. Vicasi asked, trying to fight tears.

Kamber nodded, “I need to do this.” One by one, her family members walked over and gave her a hug. She set Viggo down and allowed the twins to go and say farewell to their many aunts and uncles and grandparents. When Kamber reached Esme, the woman embraced her gently.

“I am glad that you met Edward when you did,” she whispered. “I believe you may have helped him.” Kamber smiled sadly and shook her head, “Not enough.” Finally Carlisle reached the girl and placed his hands on her shoulders, “Be careful. I know you are more than capable of protecting your family.” Kamber smiled before hugging the doctor vampire. Finally, the girl stepped back to look at her family. Viggo and Hunter walked over to her, both of them taking one of her hands.

The girl smiled at her family before she turned and headed out the door. Silently she threw her bag into the back of the truck that her dad had given her. She then lifted each of the twins and buckled them into their car seat before climbing into the front seat herself.

They were about halfway down the road when Kamber picked up her phone and dialed a number rather quickly before putting the phone to her ear.

“Calliope,” she whispered. “Update?”

There was a voice on the other end of the line before a smile lit up Kamber’s face, “Great. Let dad know…. No don’t call Alice, remember? Edward can hear her thoughts. Okay. Bye.” After hanging up, Kamber smiled but quickly put on a serious face before closing her eyes and concentrating. She entered her own mind and began to balance it out, that way her mind was no open to everyone…. No longer blocking her thoughts.

‘Why? Why Edward? Why did you do that?’

Then quickly, the girl reset the balance in her mind, so her mind was now blocked before she smiled into the rearview mirror at the twins who were smiling back.

Viggo turned to Hunter and quickly connected their minds.

‘Poor mother. She is so sad. I wonder why daddy isn’t coming home.’

Hunter smiled, ‘Same. I wonder why we’re going to Austria without daddy.’

Kamber smiled when she saw the twins looking at each other in the back seat. She knew what they were doing. She glanced down at her watch and saw she had two hours before the plane was to take off.

‘This is going to be interesting.’

***************

Edward was pressed against the wall of an alley way again. Bella was all over him, practically eating his face off. He sighed. This was the last day and then he could return home to Kamber and the twins and live a normal life. He would talk to Carlisle about moving, making an excuse about people suspecting Carlisle’s immortality.

Bella pressed into him and moaned, smirking when he was forced to smile at her. However, as Bella latched her lips to his neck, he froze. Did he just hear someone’s thoughts? He always stayed in tune with his parents and siblings’ thoughts…. But there was another pair of thoughts that caught his attention.

It was two people’s thoughts…. and they were talking to each other. Then it dawned on him. It was the twins! Maybe listening to the twins’ thoughts would help time fly by to when he wasn’t bombarded by Bella.

However, what the two boys were thinking of made Edward freeze.

Poor mother….

Why is daddy not home….

Mom was crying last night when Aunt Calliope and Uncle Zayne came home from Seattle….

Aunty Rose is really mad….

I think she’s mad at daddy….

Where is daddy….

Where is daddy….

Poor mother….

Why are we at the airport….

Mommy said we’re going to Austria….

Where is Austria….

Why isn’t daddy here?

Edward frowned, forgetting all about Bella and concentrating on his sons’ memories that kept coming in and out of his mind. Suddenly…. He caught a whiff of another thought close to the twins and he froze when he realized who’s it was….

Why did you choose Bella Edward?

I thought you loved me….

I promised I would always love you….

Maybe I wasn’t the right one for you….

But you were the right one for me….

I love you Edward….

Love you….

Then it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Edward seemed to snap and pushed Bella off of him, almost making her fall over.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, smirking, thinking that it was part of Edward’s playacting.

“Times up Bella,” Edward hissed. “You say a word and there will be a houseful of vampires after you.” Bella was barely able to open his mouth before Edward ran out of the alley at top speed and back to his car that was parked at the gas pump. He basically threw himself into the car and turned it on, flying out of the lot.

“Come on boys,” Kamber called to the twins.

Viggo and Hunter were staring around them in wonder as they walked through the airport. Kamber found a bench away from all the other people who were waiting to get on the plane and set her bags down. The twins walked over and plopped down on the bench next to her.

Kamber opened her phone and glanced at her texts. Antigone and Glynn had both texted her to check to see if she had gotten to the airport alright.

She glanced at the time and saw they had thirty minutes till the plane arrived.

“Come on,” she whispered nervously. “Please don’t be late.” Almost by magic, she sensed someone’s presence nearby and looking up, she saw a pair of amber eyes staring at her as the person rushed toward her. Kamber rose to her feet and glanced at the twins to see that they had spied the person too but were just smiling, probably talking to each other in their minds.

“Kamber,” Edward whispered hoarsely, coming to stop in front of her.

He was staring at her long and hard, expecting her to do anything…. Yell at him, slap him… anything. However, the girl just smiled up at him sweetly. Reaching up, she planted a warm kiss on his cheek.

“About time you got here,” she remarked in a teasing tone.

Edward furrowed his brow in confusion, “Listen Kam…. What happened with Bella…. I didn’t want to do it…. she… I mean she blackmailed me…. she said that if I didn’t…...” The girl cut him off when her laughter broke out and she had to clutch her stomach to stop from laughing. Edward stared at her wide eyed. What was going on with Kamber? After everything he had done to her, she was laughing. Was she drunk?

“You think I didn’t know that?” Kamber asked, finally calming down. “You think I didn’t know that Bella blocked you from getting a job and met you at the mechanic shop?”

Edward frowned, wondering how on earth she knew about that when a thought dawned on him, “But that is not even the half of it…” “Yeah I know,” Kamber replied, completely placid and calm. “She threatened to not let you get a job unless you spent time with her for a month but when you refused, she threatened to reveal her knowledge of your being a vampire. You agreed to a month of allowing her to fondle and kiss you if she agreed to keep quiet…. Then a few days ago she made a new offer to cut the deal short if you went on a three-day trip with her and pretended to return her advances….”

Edward felt his jaw drop and his eyes widened though his wife just smiled up him, a mischievous look in her eyes.

“How….” “You think I don’t know you Edward?” the girl asked, crossing her arms. “You don’t clear your history on the computer, and I saw what you were searching and all the emails you got with the refusals. In case you have forgotten, my dad is a lawyer, so I didn’t fail to notice that the refusal emails you got also had Bella’s email attached as well.” “Wait what?” Edward asked, freezing.

Kamber nodded, “Yeah, you kinda missed that part. Anyway, I paid a visit to the Swan’s and the chief told me that Bella was at the mechanics… and I knew you were there too. I called Calliope and asked her to investigate and find out what Bella was doing to you. Chief Swan admitted to going with Bella’s request of spreading a rumor about you to the employers and he promised to tell me whenever Bella left her house.” “But Bella lives alone,” Edward pointed out.

“Yeah well,” Kamber mused aloud. “Chief Swan isn’t stupid, and he knows about Bella’s habit of getting into mischief, so he tracks her phone. Whenever you left home, I would contact him and he would let me know where Bella had gone, then Calliope or Zayne would follow and…. Let’s just say my parents gave birth to a bunch of Sherlock Holmeses.”

Edward ran his fingers through his hair. His wife had known what had been happening the whole time!?

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

Kamber smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her cheek on his chest, “I wanted you to tell me in your own time… but when you never said anything about it and tried to deal with this by yourself, I decided to take things into my own hands… a little more than I already had.” Edward frowned and glanced over Kamber’s head at the twins who were grinning cheekily at their father.

Fooled ya!

Don’t say that! Mommy said to not tease daddy

It’s funny though that he actually believed it!

Edward’s eyes widened at his sons’ thoughts before he gently pushed Kamber back to look at her grinning face.

“You mean…. Letting me hear your thoughts…. Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rose’s thoughts about you leaving…. you pretending to go to Austria….” “It was all a set up stupid,” Kamber said, punching his chest playfully. “I had to get you home somehow and I thought that if you believed that I was leaving with the twins, then you come home and actually open up about what is going on in that brain of yours. It’s great that you can read minds but Edward, that doesn’t mean you cannot share your thoughts with others.” Edward let out a shaky breath and felt tears creep to his eyes. He should have known that Kamber was suspicious. After all, she is her father’s daughter!

He slumped, his hands falling to rest on Kamber’s shoulders before he lifted his head, tears rimming his golden eyes. Finally, he did what he had been wanting to do for three days. He drew the girl’s head up to him and crashed his lips to hers.

Yay!

Shut up!

Don’t tell me to shut up! You are just as happy!

Shut up.

I wonder when mommy is going to tell him about the surprise.

Like he isn’t surprised enough already.

You’ve got a point.

Edward smiled at his sons’ thoughts. They definitely got their sarcasm from their mother! However, what Viggo had said caught his attention. Gently he pulled away from the kiss and looked down into Kamber’s eyes.

“So… what is this surprise that our sons are thinking about?” he asked, smiling.

Kamber looked over at the twins to see that they were smiling sheepishly, not realizing that their father had been listening the whole time. Turning back to Edward, she reached down and taking his hand into hers, pressed it to her abdomen.

“I was going to wait until you got back from Seattle to try and reach you… but after I found about this little one, I didn’t want to wait.” Edward’s mouth dropped back open and the twins chuckled at this. They found it rather amusing to see their father’s surprised expression. Viggo scuttled off the bench and dragged his twin over to their parents before gripping his father’s leg and looking up at him.

“You better kiss her daddy, or I will,” the boy replied, a mischievous glint in his blue eyes.

Edward and Kamber chuckled when Hunter quickly covered his brother’s mouth and clobbered him over the head for saying such a thing.

Edward looked down at Kamber who was smiling at him and he felt his heart relax. He bent down and pressed a warm, gentle kiss to her lips and Kamber smiled into it, both of them ignoring the gagging noises that Hunter was giving them and the fangirling squeals from Viggo that were partially muffled by Hunter’s hand that was still over Viggo’s mouth. Everything was going to be okay now. He hadn’t lost Kamber or the twins and he could figure out how to deal with Bella…. No scratch that…. They could figure out how to deal with her together.

Suddenly Edward pulled away, his eyes widened.

“What about Bella?” he asked, biting his lip.

Kamber smirked and patted her husband’s cheek, “You’re so cute when you’re clueless.”

Edward cocked his head in confusion while Kamber looked at the twins. She wasn’t sure she wanted them to hear this, so she stood on tiptoe and whispered into his ear.

“She was trying to seduce you to make her crush jealous.”

“How can you be sure that was it?” Edward asked. “She might have had an ulterior motive.” “Oh she did,” Kamber replied, whispering into his ear again. “Cuz her crush is a girl.” Edward froze, Kamber’s mouth still close to his ear. “You mean….” “Yep,” Kamber whispered. “Bella is lesbian.”

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch.4) - Acting

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Warnings: none!

“Well the good news is, the cast should only be on for about a month, and you can go back to regular activities within eight weeks,” the blonde, golden eyed doctor advised.

The room you were sat in was glum. You remember it this exact way from the movie. Dr. Cullen’s hair swept back with a white coat on, eyes focused on the document in front of him being held by a clip board. We was writing things down, probably prescribing her some medications or as her friends liked to call it— hardcore drugs.

Kai reminisced that comedy segment that John Mulaney did about lying to his doctor for Xanax. She considered the same trick on Dr. Cullen, but feared that he would deny her since marijuana and other drugs were still taboo in 2007. Still, her mouth ran faster than she could process.

“Hey uh, sometimes I get nervous on airplanes,” she stated

God. I have to blame my ADHD on that one.

“Ah,” he nodded, “well I hope you won’t be going on any airplanes anytime soon then,” Dr. Cullen replied with a smile

Dammit. No Xanax for me then.

He finished writing but not without leaving a signature at the bottom of the page and sending me off with a smile. As she was leaving the room, she happened up bump straight into the hardest and coldest figure she’d ever felt.

“Sh— sorry man,” she apologized. She looked up for a split second and instantly regretted when she did

Edward

His eyes narrowed, making her feel smaller, “I remember you,” he stated

She said nothing, but ducked her head and rushed away as fast as she could. Her sense of accomplishment for getting away was cut short by a cold hand wrapped around her upper right arm. At this, she tensed and gave him a cold look.

“It’s not nice to grab people,” she spat

“How do you know who I am?” He asked gently

“The last time someone asked me that I got this,” she raised the cast on her left forearm. Unknowlingly revealing she knew about Victoria as well. The sound of her screaming in pain and the events of Victoria effortlessly snapping her arm played in her head.

“Besides,” she shrugged her arm from his grasp, “I’ll be out if your way soon”

Unwillingly, she remembered the time she tried to kill herself back to go back to her normal life and the next image that flashed in her head was her driving at over 100mph, then closing her eyes and sealing her fate. It wasn’t a set-in-stone kind of plan, but it was an idea that came up on the spot.

Edward cringed, “that— that’s not neccessary,”

“What’s not neccessar— oh. Stay out of my head please,” she remembered, he can hear her thoughts, but she wasn’t aware that any form of imagery would translate for him.

“You know I can read your thoughts,” he stated.

“Look, I’d love to explain everything, but I really gotta go. My mom needs me home to uh...” she paused, scrambling in her head for an excuse “take care of my brother— Don’t speak to me if you ever run into me again. Please,” she walked out of the hospital as fast as she could, deciding she didn’t need any of the medication. She just needed to get away.

-

Needless to say, Kai was stressed. Stressed that she’s attracted so much attention from the characters. Stressed that said characters had even seen her. It put her in danger. Victoria even knows about her now, and now that another human besides Bella knows of their existence— it’s a crime to the bloodsuckers.

Upon realizing this, Kaileia’s eyes widened.

Her knowledge of them had been exposed to two vampires. Theres no one to protect her from this— Bella’s safety was secured because Edward was her mate. Kai had no one. She’d avoided becoming friends with anybody at all in fear that any connection would lead her to the vampires or the wolves.

Slamming open the door to her bedroom, she scrambled for the journal she bought months back. It had been weeks since she last documented her experiences, but after today, it was time for an update

“Victoria caught me today and broke my arm bro. At least it was my shitty arm. I havent had an actual conversation with anyone besides Jeremy who interviewed me for the job I have now. Carlisle fixed my arm as if theres no other god damn doctors in forks dAMMIT MEYER. Then edward radiated some REAL Serial killer energy today like hOLY SHIT he can read my thoughts. I just wanna go back to where my only problem was my mom. She wasnt even that much of a problem tho tbh. But its Not like blood sucking vampires and their werewolf enemies. Kendrick Lamar isnt even famous yet. No one knows who Chance the Rapper is. Everyones obsessed with the pussycat dolls and I dont even think they know about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. At this point, I’ve definitely missed the area 51 raid and I’m disappointed.

Not gonna lie tho, I’ve been running from it all this time and it’s worked until now. I was faced with just the greatest danger ever and now I’m getting sucked in. I’m really hoping I never have to mean anything to them. I’m also wondering what happens after it’s all over? I don’t want to write what it is here, because if someone finds this I don’t want to change the future, but after that last chapter, where do I go? I can’t live here forever. I have my own life.

I wonder if my dogs miss me. If anyones feeding them the right amount, walking them twice a day. Do my parents know I’m gone? Its been over half a year and I’m still here”

Her hand started cramping and she shut her book, flinging her pen across the opposite side of the room, thought instantly regretting it because she may think of other ideas to write down. Kai lay flat on her bed, letting go of any control she had over her muscles and stared at the ceiling. Things were starting to get a lot more intense. It had her shaken that she might have to be involved in order to stay safe.

There was no evidence supporting her theory, but Kai believed in order to go back to her old life, she cannot die by the hands of another person.

(Fourth wall break)Yes, it’s a plot hole. Smeyer had a lot of those too and I’m writing this impulsively. Give me a break

-

Edward pushed open Carlisle’s office door with force, “She knows,” he stated urgently, his expression stoic but panicked.

Carlisle furrowed his brows, “who?”

“That patient you just had,” Edward said, pointing back to the door behind him with his thumb, “She knows about us. I was in her head. Victoria broke her arm,” He rushed, taking a step toward Carlisle with wide eyes.

Carlisle’s eyes widened as well, “She’s in danger,” he stated

“We have to protect her,” Edward stated, “if Victoria kills her, the treaty is compromised,” He concluded, alluding to the treaty they had with the wolves.

Carlisle paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I think this calls for a house meeting, actually,” he suggested, now standing with his arms to his side, “I can tell this concerns you, Edward.”

“I don’t want a fight with the wolves,” Edward explained, “Jacob was here for Bella while I was in Italy. He’s the one who told me she was dead,” he paused, Carlisle listening intently to his son, “I know if we fight, he’ll come for me first. And I can’t hurt Bella like that.”

Carlisle nodded, “We’ll let the rest of them know,” he said, referring to his family, “I think it’s best if the wolves know to protect her as well,” he suggested

“She doesn’t want to be involved,” Edward said, “it was the last thing she wanted. I don’t want to drag her into this life as well.” Edward was still beating himself up for bringing Bella into his world. Weather she wanted to be in it or not, he still wanted her to keep a normal human life. And if a normal human life is what Kai wanted, then damn it, he was going to let her have it

-

“So theres another human?” Rosalie seethed

“It’s not her fault—” Carlisle interjected

“It’s not her fault? Not her fault that she found out about us? How could she figure it out without dedicating so much time into figuring us out?” She accused the girl they didn’t know about. She knew Bella only found out because of the loads of research she did.

“She didn’t,” Edward defended, taking a step closer, “I don’t know how she knows, but she does. She doesn’t even want to be involved in this life,” he said gently, keeping eye contact with Rosalie

“So what do we do?” Esme asked, “If the Volturi find out she knows about our kind, they have no one to accuse except us. We’re the only coven in Washington.” She said softly

Everyone was staring hard at the ground, trying to grant Kai’s wish of not becoming involved, all the while knowing that the only real way to protect her was to stay with her at all times.

“She at least needs to know the that Victoria won’t stop,” Alice said, “she knows the Volturi would either blame her or us for exposing our kind.”

Carlisle pressed his lips in a tight line, “I’m sure she knows.” He sighed. Everyone shared quick glances before staring back to the floor in concentration, desperately trying to come up with a solution.

“She’ll need to get out of Forks,” Alice concluded, “Victoria is only here for Bella, I don’t think she’ll go for the girl until after her plan for Bella.” Alice believed Victoria was really only hungry for revenge, and this unknown girl wouldn’t be in danger until Victoria got what she wanted with her. However, Alice had no doubts that Victoria would be defeated before even having the chance to get to the girl.

“What’s her name?” Esme asked, “so we don’t have to keep calling her “the girl””

Edward shrugged, “I don’t know, actually.” He described her instead, “she’s short, black hair, tan skin and freckles” he recalled.

Carlisle nodded, the same description in his mind

Alice froze, and stared off into the distance, “It’s Victoria.”

Everyone stood alert. Alice was having a vision.

“What? What about her?” Jasper asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“She’s in La Push” Alice sat, her eyes unmoving. Jasper handed her a pen as she sketched a store on one half of the paper writing “Minnie’s Stop” above it. Within a second, she moved her hand to the right, sketching out a house at the corner of a row of houses reading “Hilltop Rd”.

Edward’s brows knitted and shook his head slowly, “That’s not Bella’s street.”

“It has to be hers,” Esme said

Alice looked ahead incredulously, “she’s not going for Bella.” Alice snapped out of her vision, “If she was going for Bella, I would have seen something familiar.” This proved their theory wrong. She spared some time before getting to Bella. Why did she prioritize catching the unknown girl over avenging her mate?

The Cullens shared silent glances, knowing all too well that Victoria was hunting down the girl.

“She goes to La Push. We have to inform Sam.” Carlisle said sternly. He turned to Edward, “I understand you want to protect her from this world, but we can’t risk anything happening to her on their territory.”

Edward nodded and sighed. As opposed as he was to the idea, he knew Carlisle was right. He grabbed the keys off the table and bid his family goodnight, before leaving to spend the night at Bella’s

-

“You said she already knew who you were?” Bella asked concerned, a hand on his chest, her eyebrows together and eyes looking straight into his own

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “not just who but... what.”

Bella was confused, “how?”

“I wish I knew. She refuses to speak to me and guards her thoughts. Every time I try to read in, she stops saying things in her head,” he paused, “She knew I could read minds”

“Do you think there could be other... creatures besides your kind and Jacobs?” Bella asked, just above a whisper, “like— she could be a fairy or something,” she chuckled a bit, shaking her head at the idea.

“She was kind of short,” Edward shrugged and smiled at the memory of looking down at someone the size of a fifth grader.

“Get some sleep. We’re going to meet with Sam tomorrow and tell him everything. Alice saw Victoria hunting her down in La Push.” Edward advised and let her know their plans for tomorrow.

Bella nodded before snuggling closer to his chest and finally dozing off

———

WHOOP CH 4 IS HERE!!!

Let me know what you guys think!!

Ask box is always open for comments, critiques and suggestions! Or any feedback, really. Ya know what even if u wanna just say hi HAHAH

Its open for anything really

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are all appreciated!

Tags: @coffees-and-constellations @rosalies-hale @sunflowerspectre

[caseybanning]

on love

((some slight spoilers for Ambition: Nemesis 100))

"It's not your usual fare," Casey's editor remarks, flipping through the article. It's several pages in length, word-dense, and cites everything from the Bible to the latest gossip in the honey dens of Veilgarden. His cigarette trails a line of smoke in the air, burning away almost untouched in the ashtray on his desk as he reads. He gives pause, Casey watching him as he reads, and finally his eyebrows go upwards on his face. He glances over the papers to Casey, his expression one of slight shock.

"Pointing out precisely what love is not is going to make a few people unhappy," He says. "And especially on such a personal level."

"I couldn't not write on the subject of romance without drawing from past experience," Casey explains. "Love is simultaneously the greatest pleasure and also the most harrowing pain. If I'm unable to explore both sides, this isn't going to work."

The editor exhales and sets the article aside. He taps the cigarette against the tray, loosening the ash and takes a drag. He contemplates quietly, and finally...

"It's not ready yet," He says. "You can do more with it, and you will have to publish this elsewhere."

"Carlisle--"

"You'll be unable to attract the audience you want with this publication," He explains. "I have some potentials that this could be sent to, but it's competitive. Work on it more, wait until the Feast is over. It'll stand out more."

--

On love

On the subject of love, my thoughts are numerous and scattered; it is my only hope that I may compile them here for you in one document and contribute my own into the conversation.

The subject of love is often introduced at a young age in your usual Christian household with popular verses. "Let all you do be done in love" is what we are told from 1 Corinthians 16:14, to the classic John 3:16 chiming in that God's act of love was to give his only Son for us to be forgiven of our sins. On this matter of love I've contemplated at great length in contrast of this being described as an act of love when it was instead such an act of violence and grief--Surely for Christ, who had been tortured and speared, and for his loving Mother to lose the son that she had brought into the world for this very purpose...

--

"Love?" Amos asks with a smile. "In what sense?"

Casey shrugs. "What's the first thing that comes to your mind?"

"Christ, of course." He says. "I don't think there would have been any greater act of love than his."

Casey leans forward in their chair. Surrounding the two of them in Amos's office were shelves and shelves of books--Bibles, different types, books on general theology, some novels. The candlelight here was warm and inviting, and gave a much better sense of ease than being in the church proper. "If a regular everyday man were to sacrifice himself for the love of his life, would that not be the same as what Christ did?" They ask.

Amos regards this question with a soft laugh. "You have to remember, Jesus was also as much of an everyday man as any of us. He was a carpenter. Also, his was for all of humanity and not just the love of a single individual."

"A single person's act of love for another single person could single-handedly change the course of history," Casey says with a smile. "Why else is London hidden away here?"

"I have little to say on the matters of the Empress," Amos says carefully, reaching for the tea on his desk.

"Here's a different question for you then," Casey sits up straighter now as Amos takes a sip of his tea. "Since London was taken underground and so much emphasis has started on the cultivation and actual sale of love stories, the matter of love is one that is expressed more openly. Theology and the church certainly had to make some changes once it was discovered that Hell is just a train ride away." Casey splays their hands out, motioning to all the books around them. "Why is it that, at best, the Church is still so silent on people like me and at worst an enabler for the likes of Jeremiah Lakewood?"

Amos blanches at the question, setting aside his tea with an abrupt clink into it's saucer. "I can't speak on behalf of the entire Church," He says. "At least as far as this parish goes, the attendees here do tend to hold similar opinions to you. I will tell you something though." He sits up, and his gaze is sharply fixed on Casey's as he starts to speak. "When the Veilgarden arsons were occurring, I was giving a sermon one morning when an attendee stood up express how they had been feeling. They'd said much of the same things that you did, just now, and back then I didn't have the answers. I still don't."

He folds his hands together atop his desk and continues. "What I believe, and additionally what I know to be true is this: People like Jeremiah Lakewood are not representative of the message of Christ. There are always disagreements between churches and congregations, but..." He stops to contemplate his words, almost long enough for Casey to press him to continue. "After the attacks in Veilgarden, what I was able to witness was an outpouring of love. It was the love of community. People opening their homes to the displaced, a few crossing class and belief lines to make sure the injured were cared for and safe, a single person interrupting a sermon to question everything right in the house of God. These are not insignificant moments. This is more what Christ meant to represent: the gathering of few to benefit the most, and working using love as a tool."

--

What types of love can we explore? We always hear so much on romantic love, and of course I can spend our time in this article together poetically exploring this subject, but I implore you also to consider beyond: the love between friends, the love between siblings, the love between yourself and your mother and father, the love you may feel during your favorite meal. Gestures, little gifts, sheltering someone from the rain, are all pieces that make up the puzzle of love. Love is a connection, and love is often a choice; a playing card that comes up in our hand that we can play or discard.

--

At the townhouse, Casey occupies a moment of time alone to go prepare a fresh pot of tea. Out in the parlor, they can hear Rashida's laughter as their aunt Mary regales another tale from her latest night out on the town. Behind her laughter were the intermingling voices of Blanche and Astrid, comparing notes on the latest play they were working on. The clinking of the china in the tray provides a gentle rhythm to the thrum of the chatter, and as they return Mary reaches out to touch Casey's arm.

"Oh, my dear--" She starts, gesturing them to sit. "Earlier you mentioned that my sister was in town."

"Yes," Casey clasps their hands together. Rashida's jovial expression softens, her gaze only breaking as she reaches for her teacup.

"About as well as one could expect?" She asks. Casey lifts up the teapot and pours into her cup, shrugging.

"It was worse before it got marginally better," They replied. "I don't quite think any supper with my family is complete without at least one person being called a disgrace, so in that regard my father did not disappoint. Roland was about to throw him out onto the street."

Mary sips her own tea quietly, and Rashida reaches out to hold Casey's hand. "That's terrible." She says. Cynthia, who had been quietly sketching in her journal his whole time next to Rashida, looks up.

"It's..." Casey pauses, staring down into their cup. "at least better than me thinking they would never speak to me again. We have written letters since then--more often than in the past. Mother has tried at least in calling me by my name, but father had a more difficult time coming around to that. The subject of my life here and who I am now is tread not at all."

"Which isn't better," Mary says darkly.

Rashida looks between the two of them, and Mary sighs. "When we reconnected here in London years ago, I felt... not really shocked by how Casey appeared to me, but there is always a surprise when someone you remember as one way presents differently daily." Mary says. Casey leans back and takes a sip of tea. "As a child, they used to try to get into their brother's old wardrobe and play dress-up. That's what we all thought, anyway. Children and their imaginations... Casey was not satisfied expecting to be a princess in stories, or to play mother with their dolls, not at first."

"Oh, I liked dolls plenty as a kid," They say. "I wouldn't pretend they were my children, but I did enjoy trying to make clothes for them."

"Sure," Mary says. "And then you got older. The young men in our church and community took notice."

Rashida nods, gently picking up a jar of honey to spoon in her tea. Casey's expression darkened. "It only took one of them though... just the one," They say, their voice quiet. "That was enough for me to learn what love isn't."

"You have Roland now," Cynthia says quietly, her eyes bright. "Not that it erases what has already happened, but it's a far stretch better than what you had."

--

To save the absolute best for last, my closing statements cannot go unsaid without mentioning my beloved husband. Without him, this would not have been possible and I would appear to you all a very different and much less pleasant individual...

--

Casey, though on the outside appearing to be relaxing into their chair, feels a stab of nervousness as Roland reads the article quietly to himself. As he reaches the last page, he glance up to Casey with a warm expression. "It's a complete work." He finally says.

"You think so?"

"Risky enough to where there will some inevitable push-back of course... not so much that you'll be exiled immediately. It's a good balance." He straightens out the pages and sets them aside on the table, standing up from his seat. He offers his hand to Casey and they stand up, retrieving their periodical from the table. "My editor is going to go over it with me tomorrow," They say, flipping through it as if to look for any last minute changes that could be made. "It's not going to be published in our usual periodical, but he's got a list of names lined up that I could try instead. Now that the Feast of the Rose has died down, it's not going to get lost in a sea of poetry or other works..."

Casey's voice trails off as they stare down at the papers. They crinkle lightly in their fingers, and Roland tries to catch their gaze. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"It's possible this isn't going to work," They reply. "The only time anyone ever really sees her or talks about her is during the Feast and that's all passed now. Who knows what other activities she's up to the rest of the year?"

"If this doesn't work, then this will still be considered your published work and it adds to your career as a writer," Roland says and smiles. "And if it does work, well... you're a step closer."

"Either option would be great," Casey says with a tired sigh and rubs their eye. "Nothing more happening tonight though--it's as completed as it can be until Carlise gets his hands on it."

Roland hums, pursing his lips in an exaggerated expression of thought. "Nothing more tonight?" He asks. Casey gives him a wry smile.

"Is there an idea you think maybe I can add?"

"Oh, always," He says, reaching to brush a bit of Casey's hair away from their face. "Nothing you could publish without getting exiled though."

"Do tell me more." Casey smiles, leaning up toward him for a kiss.

--

Actors are seen reading it between practices, giggling amongst themselves as they thumb through the periodical and swap their favorite quotes. The subject of love comes up in Amos's sermon the first Sunday after it's published. The Ministry of Public Decency doesn't waste much time in snatching up as many copies as they could over some of the more choice passages, citing security concerns and non-taxed stories. The few remaining copies are hidden away in reading rooms and personal libraries.

Casey lies in wait the whole time, keeping their eyes peeled as they traverse London--not a hint of that distinct, irrigo-soaked silhouette to be seen yet.

The night came in quietly, almost unseen just as the clock was chiming nine. Casey, distantly thinking of a steaming cup of tea and a book to close out their evening, pulls out a small ring of keys to the front of their residence and inserts one. The small pattering of footsteps coming closer could be heard just over their shoulder and they pause, their key still stuck in the lock, and they turn to face the source of the noise.

A cloaked figure is approaching them, a copy of Casey's periodical clutched in her hands. As she walks closer, the scent of her perfume sweeps over the porch and Casey staggers back, trying to reach blindly behind them to push the door open. They blink once, twice, rapidly--irrigo starts swirling in their vision--

[gaysparklepires]

29. Defection

Read on AO3 - Links up top!

We sat there all night long, statues of horror and grief, and Alice never came back.

We were all at our limits—frenzied into absolute stillness. Carlisle had barely been able to move his lips to explain it all to Jacob. The retelling seemed to make it worse; even Emmett stood silent and still from then on.

It wasn’t until the sun slowly crept into the sky that I wondered for the first time what could possibly be taking Alice so long. I’d hoped to know actually know something before much longer. To have some answers. Some tiny, tiny portion of hope so that I could move again and no longer feel like ice.

My face felt permanently set into the fixed mask I had worn all night. I wasn’t sure I had the ability to smile anymore.

Jacob was breathing evenly in the corner, a mountain of fur on the floor, twitching anxiously in his sleep. Sam knew everything—the wolves were readying themselves for what was coming. Not that this preparation would do anything but get them killed with the rest of my family.

The sunlight broke through the back windows, sparkling on Edward’s skin. My eyes had not moved from his since Alice’s departure. We’d stared at each other all night, staring at what neither of us could handle losing: the other. I saw my reflection glow in his agonized eyes as the sun touched over my own skin.

His eyebrows moved an infinitesimal bit, then his lips.

“Alice,” he said.

The sound of his voice was like ice cracking as it melted. All of us fractured a little, softened a little. Moved again.

“She’s been gone a long time,” Royal murmured, surprised.

“Where could she be?” Emmett wondered, taking a step toward the door.

Esme wrapped her arms around herself. “We don’t want to disturb…”

“She’s never taken so long before,” Edward said. New worry splintered the mask his face had become. His features were alive again, his eyes suddenly wild with fresh fear, extra panic. “Carlisle, you don’t think—something preemptive? Would Alice have had time to see if they sent someone for her?”

Aro’s translucent-skinned face filled my head. Aro, who had seen into all the corners of Alice’s mind, who knew everything she was capable of—

Emmett cussed loud enough that Jacob lurched to his feet with a growl. In the yard, his growl was echoed by his pack. My family was already a blur of action.

“Stay here!” I hissed at Jacob as I sprinted through the door.

I had kept myself well fed since what had happened with Ivan and I was still stronger than the rest of them, and I used that strength to push myself forward. I overtook Esme in a few bounds, and Royal in just a few strides more. I raced through the thick forest until I was right behind Edward and Carlisle.

“Would they have been able to surprise her?” Carlisle asked, his voice as even as if he were standing motionless rather than running at full speed.

“I don’t see how,” Edward answered. “But Aro knows her better than anyone else. Better than I do.”

“Is this a trap?” Emmett called from behind us.

“Maybe,” Edward said. “There’s no scent but Alice and Jasper. Where were they going?”

Alice and Jasper’s trail was curling into a wide arc; it stretched first east of the house but headed north on the other side of the river, and then back west again after a few miles. We re-crossed the river, all six jumping within a second of each other. Edward ran in the lead, his concentration total.

“Did you catch that scent?” Esme called ahead a few moments after we’d leaped the river the second time. She was farthest back, on the far-left edge of our hunting party. She gestured to the southeast.

“Keep to the main trail—we’re almost to the Quileute border,” Edward called back. “Stay together. See if they turned north or south.”

I was not as familiar with the treaty line as the rest of them, but I could smell the hint of wolf in the breeze blowing from the east. Edward and Carlisle slowed a little out of habit, and I could see their heads sweep from side to side, waiting for the trail to turn.

Then the wolf smell was suddenly stronger, and Edward’s head snapped up. He came to a sudden stop. The rest of us froze, too.

“Sam?” Edward asked in a flat voice. “What is this?”

Sam came through the trees a few hundred yards away, walking quickly toward us in his human form, flanked by two big wolves—Paul and Jared. It took Sam a while to reach us; his human pace made me impatient. I didn’t want time to think about what was happening. I wanted to be in motion, to be doing something. I wanted to have my arms around Alice, to know beyond a doubt that she was safe.

I watched Edward’s face go absolutely white as he read what Sam was thinking. Sam ignored him, looking straight at Carlisle as he stopped walking and began to speak.

“Right after midnight, Alice and Jasper came to this place and asked permission to cross our land to the ocean. I granted them that and escorted them to the coast myself. They went immediately into the water and did not return. As we journeyed, Alice told me it was of utmost importance that I say nothing to Jacob about seeing her until I spoke to you. I was to wait here for you to come looking for her and then give you this note. She told me to obey her as if all our lives depended on it.”

Sam’s face was grim as he held out a folded sheet of paper, printed all over with small black text. It was a page out of a book; my sharp eyes read the printed words as Carlisle unfolded it to see the other side. The side facing me was the copyright page from The Merchant of Venice. A hint of my own scent blew off of it as Carlisle shook the paper flat. I realized it was a page torn from one of my books. I’d brought a few things from Charlie’s house to the cottage; a few sets of normal clothes, all the letters from my mother, and my favorite books. My tattered collection of Shakespeare paperbacks had been on the bookshelf in the cottage’s little living room yesterday morning...

“Alice has decided to leave us,” Carlisle whispered.

“What?” Royal’s voice was blank shock.

Carlisle turned the page around so that we all could read.

Don’t look for us. There isn’t time to waste. Remember: Taras, Siobhan, Amun, Alistair, all the nomads you can find. We’ll seek out Peter and Charlotte on our way. We’re so sorry that we have to leave you this way, with no goodbyes or explanations. It’s the only way for us. We love you.

We stood frozen again, the silence total but for the sound of mine and the wolves’ heartbeats, our breathing. Their thoughts must have been loud, too. Edward was first to move again, speaking in response to what he heard in Sam’s head.

“Yes, things are that dangerous.”

“Enough that you would abandon your family?” Sam asked out loud, censure in his tone. It was clear that he had not read the note before giving it to Carlisle. He was upset now, looking as if he regretted listening to Alice.

Edward’s expression was stiff—to Sam it probably looked angry or arrogant, but I could see the shape of pain in the hard planes of his face.

“We don’t know what she saw,” Edward said. “Alice is neither unfeeling nor a coward. She just has more information than we do.”

“We would not—,” Sam began.

“You are bound differently than we are,” Edward snapped. “We each still have our free will.”

Sam’s chin jerked up, and his eyes looked suddenly flat black.

“Edward. Don’t.” My scolding voice sounded raw and rough.

“But you should heed the warning,” Edward went on. “This is not something you want to involve yourselves in. You can still avoid what Alice saw.”

“Don’t get your family slaughtered for pride,” Carlisle interjected quietly.

Sam looked at Carlisle with a softer expression. “As Edward pointed out, we don’t have the same kind of freedom that you have. It is our duty to stay together, to protect the tribe, and to protect each other.” His eyes flickered to Alice’s note, and his lips pressed into a thin line.

“You don’t know her,” Edward said.

“Do you?” Sam asked bluntly.

Carlisle put a hand on Edward’s shoulder. “We have much to do, son. Whatever Alice’s decision, we would be foolish not to follow her advice now. Let’s go home and get to work.”

Edward nodded, his face still rigid with pain. Behind me, I could hear Esme’s quiet, tearless sobs.

I didn’t know how to cry yet in this body; I couldn’t do anything but stare. There was no feeling yet. Everything seemed unreal, like I was dreaming again after all these months. Having a nightmare.

“Thank you, Sam,” Carlisle said.

“I’m sorry,” Sam answered. “We shouldn’t have let her through.”

“You did the right thing,” Carlisle told him. “Alice is free to do what she will. I wouldn’t deny her that liberty.”

I’d always thought of the Cullens as a whole, an indivisible unit. Suddenly, I remembered that it had not always been so. Carlisle had created Edward, Esme, Royal and Emmett; Edward had a hand in making me what I was. We were physically linked by blood and venom. I never thought of Alice and Jasper as separate—as adopted into the family. But in truth, Alice had adopted the Cullens. She had shown up with her unconnected past, bringing Jasper with his, and fit herself into the family that was already there. Both she and Jasper had known another life outside the Cullen family. Had she really chosen to lead another new life after she’d seen that life with the Cullens was over?

We were doomed, then, weren’t we? There was no hope at all. Not one ray, one flicker that might have convinced Alice she had a chance at our side.

The bright morning air seemed thicker suddenly, blacker, as if physically darkened by my despair.

“I’m not going down without a fight,” Emmett snarled low under his breath. “Alice told us what to do. Let’s get it done.”

The others nodded with determined expressions, and I realized that they were banking on whatever chance Alice had given us. That they were not going to give in to hopelessness and wait to die.

Yes, we all would fight. What else was there? And apparently we would involve others, because Alice had said so before she’d left us. How could we not follow Alice’s last warning? The wolves, too, would fight with us for their people, for their brothers.

We would fight, they would fight, and we all would die.

I didn’t feel the same resolve the others seemed to feel. Alice knew the odds. She was giving us the only chance she could see, but the chance was too slim for her to bet on it.

I already felt defeated as I turned my back on Sam’s critical face and followed Carlisle toward home.

We ran automatically now, not the same panicked hurry as before. As we neared the river, Esme’s head lifted.

“There was that other trail. It was fresh.”

She nodded forward, toward where she had called Edward’s attention on the way here. While we were racing to save Alice...

“It has to be from earlier in the day. It was just Alice, without Jasper,” Edward said lifelessly.

Esme’s face puckered, and she nodded.

I drifted to the right, falling a little behind. I was sure Edward was right, but at the same time... After all, how had Alice’s note ended up on a page from my book?

“Beau?” Edward asked in an emotionless voice as I hesitated.

“I want to follow the trail,” I told him, smelling the light scent of Alice that led away from her earlier flight path. I was new to this, but it smelled exactly the same to me, just minus the scent of Jasper.

Edward’s golden eyes were empty. “It probably just leads back to the house.”

“Then I’ll meet you there.”

At first I thought he would let me go alone, but then, as I moved a few steps away, his blank eyes flickered to life.

“I’ll come with you,” he said quietly. “We’ll meet you at home, Carlisle.”

Carlisle nodded, and the others left. I waited until they were out of sight, and then I looked at Edward questioningly.

“I couldn’t let you walk away from me,” he explained in a low voice. “It hurt just to imagine it.”

I understood without more explanation than that. I thought of being divided from him now and realized I would have felt the same pain, no matter how short the separation.

There was so little time left to be together.

I held my hand out to him, and he took it.

“Let’s hurry,” he said. “We should be with the others and explain what happened to Jacob.”

I nodded, and we were running again.

It was probably a silly thing, to waste the time away from everyone just for curiosity’s sake. But the note bothered me. Alice could have carved the note into a boulder or tree trunk if she lacked writing utensils. She could have stolen a pad of paper from any of the houses by the highway. Why my book? When did she get it?

Sure enough, the trail led back to the cottage by a circuitous route that stayed far clear of the Cullens’ house and the wolves in the nearby woods. Edward’s brows tightened in confusion as it became obvious where the trail led.

He tried to reason it out. “She left Jasper to wait for her and came here?”

We were almost to the cottage now, and I felt uneasy. I was glad to have Edward’s hand in mine, but I also felt as if I should be here alone. Tearing out the page and carrying it back to Jasper was such an odd thing for Alice to do. It felt like there was a message in her action—one I didn’t understand at all. But it was my book, so the message mustbe for me. If it were something she wanted Edward to know, wouldn’t she have pulled a page from one of his books...?

“Give me just a minute,” I said, pulling my hand free as we got to the door.

His forehead creased. “Beau?”

“Please? Thirty seconds.”

I didn’t wait for him to answer. I darted through the door, pulling it shut behind me. I went straight to the bookshelf. Alice’s scent was fresh—less than a day old. A fire that I had not set burned low but hot in the fireplace. I yanked The Merchant of Venice off the shelf and flipped it open to the title page.

There, next to the feathered edge left by the torn page, under the words The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare, was a note.

Destroy this.

Below that was a name and an address in Seattle.

When Edward came through the door after only thirteen seconds rather than thirty, I was watching the book burn.

“What’s going on, Beau?”

“She was here. She ripped a page out of my book to write her note on.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Why are you burning it?”

“I—I—” I frowned, letting all my frustration and pain show on my face. I did not know what Alice was trying to tell me, only that she’d gone to great lengths to keep it from anyone but me. The one person whose mind Edward could not read. So she must want to keep him in the dark, and it was probably for a good reason. “It seemed appropriate.”

“We don’t know what she’s doing,” he said quietly.

I stared into the flames. I was the only person in the world who could lie to Edward. Was that what Alice wanted from me? Her last request?

“When we were on the plane to Italy,” I whispered—this was not a lie, except perhaps in context—“on our way to rescue you... she lied to Jasper so that he wouldn’t come after us. She knew that if he faced the Volturi, he would die. She was willing to die herself rather than put him in danger. Willing for me to die, too. Willing for you to die.”

Edward didn’t answer.

“She has her priorities,” I said. It made my still heart ache to realize that my explanation did not feel like a lie in any way.

“I don’t believe it,” Edward said. He didn’t say it like he was arguing with me—he said it like he was arguing with himself. “Maybe it was just Jasper in danger. Her plan would work for the rest of us, but he’d be lost if he stayed. Maybe…”

“She could have told us that. Sent him away.”

“But would Jasper have gone? Maybe she’s lying to him again.”

“Maybe,” I pretended to agree.

“We should go home. There’s no time.” Edward took my hand, and we ran.

Alice’s note did not make me hopeful. If there were any way to avoid the coming slaughter, Alice would have stayed. I couldn’t see another possibility. So it was something else she was giving me. Not a way to escape. But what else would she think that I wanted? Maybe a way to salvage something? Was there anything I could still save?

Carlisle and the others had not been idle in our absence. We’d been separated from them for all of five minutes, and they were already prepared to leave. In the corner, Jacob was human again, his hands in his lap, watching us with wide eyes.

Royal had traded his silk dress shirt and slacks for a sturdy-looking pair of jeans, running shoes, and a button-down shirt made of the thick weave that backpackers used for long trips. Esme was dressed similarly. There was a map of the world on the coffee table, but they were done looking at it, just waiting for us.

The atmosphere was more positive now than before; it felt good to them to be in action. Their hopes were pinned on Alice’s instructions.

I looked at the map and wondered where we were headed first.

“We’re to stay here?” Edward asked, looking at Carlisle. He didn’t sound happy.

“Alice said that we need to gather witnesses. I can only assume to attest to our character in this situation so we have a prayer of pleading our case. We’re going to have to be very careful of how we present it,” Carlisle said. “We’ll send whomever we can find back here to you— Edward, you’ll be the best at fielding that particular minefield.”

Edward gave one sharp nod, still not happy. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.”

“We’re splitting up,” Emmett answered. “Roy and I are hunting for nomads.”

“You’ll have your hands full here,” Carlisle said. “Taras’s family will be here in the morning, and they have no idea why. First, you have to persuade them not to react the way Ivan did. Second, you’ve got to find out what Alice meant about Elena. Then, after all that, will they stay to witness for us? It will start again as the others come—if we can persuade anyone to come in the first place.” Carlisle sighed. “Your job may well be the hardest. We’ll be back to help as soon as we can.”

Carlisle put his hand on Edward’s shoulder for a second and then on mine. Esme hugged us both, and Emmett punched us both on the arm. Royal forced a hard smile for Edward and me and then gave Jacob a parting grimace.

“Good luck,” Edward told them.

“And to you,” Carlisle said. “We’ll all need it.”

I watched them leave, wishing I could feel whatever hope bolstered them, and wishing I could be alone with the computer for just a few seconds. I had to figure out who this J. Jenks person was and why Alice had gone to such lengths to give his name and address to only me.

Jacob shifted uneasily, before finally speaking. “Sounds like we’re a little outnumbered right now. I hope Carlisle’s friends come.” he murmured.

“Jacob…” Edward hesitated.

“What? Well, come on, spit it out,” Jacob said, his voice raw with tension. He was right at his breaking point, just like the rest of us.

“The vampires who are coming are not the same as we are,” Edward said. “Taras’s family is the only one besides ours with a reverence for human life, and even they don’t think much of werewolves. I think it might be safer—”

“I can take care of myself,” Jacob interrupted.

“I know you can.” Edward continued, “But we have to plead our case. We have to show them that Beau has been changed first, then we can discuss the treaty with them.”

“Some friends. They’d turn on you just because of who you hang out with now?”

“The Volturi have made their views on werewolves quite clear in the past. There may not be laws prohibiting friendships between vampires and werewolves, but there’s never been a need for them. I can’t imagine it would be encouraged by the Volturi by any means.”

“Edward…” It was still odd to hear Jacob use Edward’s name without bitterness.

“I know, Jake. I know you want to help, to protect us. We’ll play it by ear—see how they react to Beau and our story. We’ll have to bring you and your people into the situation at some point, but it has to be at the right moment. You, Seth, and Liam are free to use the cottage. As long as you keep a safe distance from the main house…”

“I can do that. Company in the morning, huh?”

“Yes. The closest of our friends. In this particular case, it’s probably better if we get things out in the open as soon as possible. You can stay here. Taras knows about you. He’s even met Seth.”

“Right.”

“You should tell Sam what’s going on. There might be strangers in the woods soon.”

“Good point. Though I owe him some silence after last night.”

“Listening to Alice is usually the right thing.”

Jacob’s teeth ground together, and I could see that he shared Sam’s feelings about what Alice and Jasper had done.

While they were talking, I wandered toward the back windows, trying to look distracted and anxious. Not a difficult thing to do. I leaned my head against the wall that curved away from the living room toward the dining room, right next to one of the computer desks. I ran my fingers against the keys while staring into the forest, trying to make it look like an absentminded thing. I was fairly certain vampires never did anything absentmindedly, but maybe half-vampires did. I didn’t think anyone was paying particular attention to me, but I didn’t turn to make sure. The monitor glowed to life. I stroked my fingers across the keys again. Then I drummed them very quietly on the wooden desktop, just to make it seem random. Another stroke across the keys.

I scanned the screen in my peripheral vision.

No J. Jenks, but there was a Jason Jenks. An art historian and dealer. I brushed the keyboard, trying to keep a rhythm, like the preoccupied stroking of a cat you’d all but forgotten on your lap. Jason Jenks had a fancy website for his gallery, but the address on the homepage was wrong. In Seattle, but in a different zip code. I noted the phone number and then stroked the keyboard in rhythm. This time I searched the address, but nothing at all came up, as if the address didn’t exist. I wanted to look at a map, but I decided I was pushing my luck. One more brush, to delete the history…

I continued staring out the window and brushed the wood a few times. I heard light footsteps crossing the floor to me, and I turned with what I hoped was the same expression as before.

Jacob reached out a hand and put it on my shoulder. “You doing okay, babe?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry about Alice.”

“Me too,” I sighed. “But she’s Alice. She’s doing the right thing, like always.”

The right thing for Alice, anyway. I hated thinking of her that way, but how else could the situation be understood?

I suddenly felt a coolness run down my cheek. I lifted my fingers to my eyes. Tears were running down my face. They weren’t hot, but cold. Cold as I felt inside.

So this is what it felt like to cry now.

“Don’t cry, Beau.” Jacob wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be fine. We’re all going to be fine.”

As he spoke, I could see the faces of everyone I loved flashing in front of my eyes in rapid succession. Everything I held dear; my whole world. I watched in despair as the faces were consumed by a flurry of blood-red cloaks.

But just like in the dimly remembered dreams of my human life, I felt a fire burning inside me; a need to protect. It wouldn’t be easy, but I would find a way. I would protect my family, and—for once—I would save them. I was more positive than ever that this is what Alice would give me. She would know. She would have left me a way.

[thebumblebeetumbletree]

Effeminate!Steve

Steve's mom had always wanted a girl. It wasn't to say she was upset that her first and only child was a boy, but Steve knew from the way she'd zone out when staring at him that she was thinking what if?

What if he'd been a girl, maybe with the name Stephanie or Maeve? Like his mother had always wanted to name her daughter- if she had one. What if they had a second kid, then maybe she could've filled that void Steve always saw in her eyes when she bothered to look at him for what he was. A boy.

But then, when Steve was no older than five and hadn't yet understood gender roles, he saw his mom going through her morning routine. She always started the day the same. Pull out her crimps, primp her curls and make sure they stayed in place with an unhealthy dose of Farrah Fawcett. Then, once that was finished, she'd move to her face, curling her eyelashes and splashing on mascara and eyeliner before lining her lips in a thick fire engine red lipstick.

It was the makeup that had Steve pondering what if.

What if he had been a girl? What if Steve wasn't Steve, but Stephanie. If he'd been born a girl then maybe Steve could get away with putting on makeup without the disapproving glower of his father. At the age of five, his father put up with Steve wearing his mother's jewelry, makeup and clothes. His mother found it completely thrilling. She'd wanted a girl, but was easily swayed with this development.

It wasn't until he was older that his father finally cracked down on it. Telling him how disgusting and shameful it was for a boy his age to be dressing up as if he was some girl. He was ten years old.

After that, Steve stopped stealing his mother's nail polish and makeup. Avoided shiny jewelry when they went to the mall and definitely avoided the aching pit that deepened everytime he saw a soft or feminine piece of clothing.

During a birthday, when his father was away on a business trip, his mother took him to the store. Steve wasn't sure of the point until they bypassed the boys section entirely and went straight to the girls.

His mother looked at him for a long moment before asking in a soft and unsure tone, "I know you're not a girl honey and maybe I'm making a mistake, but-" she took a deep breath, "if you see something you like-"

Steve had initially been skeptical, glancing supisticiously around, waiting for his father to pop out behind the racks of clothing. Just waiting to yell at him for being girly. When that didn't happen, Steve hesitantly set his sights on a baby blue sweater that seemed to stylishly swallow the mannequin who wore it.

After that, it was easy to grab a few other things. Some leggings, fuzzy socks and a bright purple nail polish that had Steve's toes curling in delight. He couldn't wait to see how the color looked once he put it on, and since he only ever took his socks off to sleep, Steve was positive his father would be none the wiser.

Of course now, at the age of seventeen, Steve hadn't considered the toll it took to hide this other side of himself, especially now that he was in high school. Where boys only goals in life were to destroy other boys, to bring them down and snap their newly developing egos. And then Steve met Nancy. She was kind and reminded Steve of his mother, but he didn't realize how taxing dating Nancy was. Unfortunately for him, she was too observant.

To avoid suspicion, Steve makes the terrible decision to hide every trace of his other side. Removing his pastel blue nail polish and shoving his floral and soft sweaters under his basketball gear where he knew Nancy and his dad would never look. It hurt.

A physical ache that had Steve's chest beating a painful tattoo and the dark pit in his belly dawning ever bigger. He wanted to wear his favorite sweater and leggings. He wanted to spritz himself in jewelry- nothing big. Just something to shrink the pit a little bit. As a compromise, Steve continued to use his Farrah Fawcett hairspray, Nancy was clueless to this and so were the boys in school.

He didn't know how he got as far as he did after gym class or basketball practice. But then, Nancy and he broke up. And everything after that became a terrible shit show. Steve had no one to blame, but Billy fucking Hargrove and himself.

He'd took the school by storm, with his rugged looks, broad shoulders that tapered off into a narrow waist. He had the ideal superhero build- according to Dustin's comic books.

And somehow, after he beat the shit out of Steve. Billy still sought him out. Steve hadn't realized it, not until after basketball. It was a particularly bad day for him, one of those days where the urge to wear soft loose clothes that smelt like flowers became too strong to ignore. Of course, Steve was used to these urges and easily pushed the feeling aside. Instead spraying Farrah's hairspray on his head until the dark pit was on the verge of swallowing him.

"Jesus. You gonna suffocate at this rate pretty boy," Steve had never moved so fast, hurling the can straight at Hargrove and using the distraction to run for his car. Completely forgetting his book bag and consequently his car keys as well.

It was as Steve was futilely yanking at his door and growing increasingly agitated, that Billy appeared like a bat out of hell. His chest was heaving, it seemed he'd forgotten his shirt and only had the thought to grab his leather coat. Taking Steve back to the Halloween party and a drunk, half naked Hargrove. Steve had wanted to go as Rosie The Riveter, but knew before the thought had crossed his mind that that was a big no no.

"Where are you off to so fast Harrington?" Steve stiffened, his shoulders drawing up around his ears and the dark pit inside him started to eat at his stomach. He really just wanted to be at home and tucked into the softest sweater he owned. With his parents gone again, that dream was looking more and more appealing. Now if only a certain blonde would leave him alone.

"What's it to you?" He snapped, quickly snatching his bag from Billy's slack grip and hastily shoving his key into the door so hard he feared he'd bent the key. "Look. I don't want to do this right now. I'm tired, okay."

Billy didn't say anything and Steve took the chance to hop into his car and hightail it out of there before he came back to himself. Of course, Steve was still able to hear Billy's parting words.

"What the fuck Harrington? You're being such a girl!"

~•●•~

Steve avoided Billy after that, suddenly terrified the boy had figured out his secret. Had somehow deduced what Steve got up to when his parents were out of town. And had figured out the Farrah Fawcett hairspray was something much bigger than just a way to stylize his hair.

After two weeks of avoidance, Steve was becoming paranoid. Which leaked out into anger and the need to argue at every turn. He didn't like snapping at Dustin or putting that look in Will's eyes. Like he was just another Lonnie. He hated the motherly concern that coated Nancy like perfume and Jonathan's sympathetic glances whenever Billy walked by.

He even had Tommy cringing away from him after he'd made a nasty comment about the nail polish on his toes. Steve had made an excuse about babysitting Erica Sinclair and tacked on his own nasty comment about douches minding their own business. Billy had been there for that one and seemed as surprised as Tommy at Steve's act of aggression. He hadn't been that annoyed since he'd gotten in that 'fight' with Jonathan.

The pit had started to become bottomless by the time Billy showed up at his house. He came on a Friday night- specifically the night Heather Carlisle, Billy's flavor of the week- was hosting a bash at her place.

Steve wasn't expecting it. If he had been, then Steve would've been in a pair of sweatpants instead of royal blue leggings. He'd be in a sweatshirt or even a t-shirt instead of the off-the-shoulder striped sweater. It was a fuzzy sweater that was perfect for keeping out the cold.

He just about died when he saw who was outside on his front porch. Steve had never been so scared for the truth to come out and so excited for it to finally be out there. Billy fucking Hargrove was a wild card.

With Nancy, Steve knew he'd face false understanding. With Jonathan, Steve would be lucky to get away without the kid taking a picture of him. The party would most likely give him mixed results, ranging from akward confusion to how it was all a joke. Billy though, Steve couldn't even begin to fathom.

He thought about booking it to his room, changing quickly and coming back down to answer the door with Billy none the wiser. The half formed thought went straight out the window though when Billy started ignoring the doorbell altogether and focusing his fist on the front door. Before his neighbors could call about noise complaint, Steve answered the door.

He answered the door.

Billy's fist was still raised in mid-knock, eyes widening as they took Steve in. His gaze travelled along his face- most likely taking in the smudged eye liner, then down Steve's shoulders- lingering on the way the sweater hung off him before staring for long moment at his legs.

"What-"

"Fuck off," Steve slammed the door in his face. Or he would've if Billy hadn't jammed his shoulder into the door.

"Ow. Fucks sake Stevie," Steve pushed one more time before giving up and letting Billy stumble inside when he released the pressure on the door. Billy gave him a murderous look, fixing his jacket and hair as he followed him into the kitchen.

Steve spun around, hands placed on his hips with his back to the counter. "What do you want?"

Billy didn't say anything. Not for a long moment, his gaze contemplative. Steve didn't know what to do and found himself floundering in the following quiet.

"What are you looking at?" Steve's voice cracked, the already smudged makeup becoming even worse when he furiously rubbed at his eyes. Anything to keep the tears back.

"I- you're beautiful." Steve was ready for the insults. The harsh words meant to tear and bite. So, when Billy said that about him. Steve didn't know what to do. "You're beautiful baby."

"M'not your baby," Steve grumbled, his eyes averted to the ground and his face hot. The dark pit inside him, shrank with every foot Billy closed between them.

Billy's shoes stepped into his view. "C'mon sweetheart," his hands gently cupped his elbows, tugging Steve closer to the half naked and warm chest. "You've been mine since I first laid eyes on you pretty boy."

[lis-likes-fics]

Second Chances (Ending 2)

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Reader Warnings: Death, a lot of angst, sad time, oof Author’s Note: I did a fluffy ending the first time, but you know angst is my specialty. Sorry, not sorry. P.S. It starts out the same way, the ending is the only thing different.

~~~~~

"Hey, promise me. Promise me you'll move on."

"You know I can't do that."

"Say you love me. Can you do that, please?"

"You'll get to hear it forever."

"Carlisle, I love yo-"

...

...

...

Three years.

It had been three years since he lost her.

Carlisle tried to move on, he did. Losing her was the hardest thing he ever had to experience in his very long life.

His family supported him, they tried to help anyway they could. They were the only reason he was still holding on, they needed him so he would be there for him.

But it wasn't enough to keep him alive. Even his new granddaughter, Renesmee could only bring so much light into his life. Everyone knew of who he lost, everyone knew why the excellent doctor of the town wasn't as radiant as he used to be.

But no one would understand his loss. No one would understand his pain. Even Jasper, who could feel it.

Even now as he drove to work, using the same route he did everyday, he missed her with all of his being. He couldn't help the emptiness that threatened to seep into his skin again as he thought about the times she decided to join him on his way to work. She would claim its "on the way", but she just wanted to spend the morning with him before turning around and heading the complete opposite way to get to her workplace.

He felt like a small smile was supposed to be threatening to creep onto his face, but all he felt like doing was crying at the memory.

All he had to do was tell her that he loved her too. But he didn't, he didn't even get to say that to her before she was gone.

He sucked in a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, his eyes scanning through his windshield, glancing over at the trees surrounding the road he drove on alone. His eyes caught onto a strange sign peaking out of the trees. He'd driven down this road hundreds-- thousands of times, and he'd never seen that sign there. He looked closely at it:

"For Sale: Second Chances"

He blinked at it, his brows twitching. Before he could pass the sign, he turned into the strange natural path the sign stood next to, driving into the trees and parking his car. He stepped out, looking down the path.

Carlisle narrowed his eyes, tapping into his hearing to see if he could get a clue as to what this was. He sighed and started walking down the path, extra careful of his surroundings to make sure there wasn't some threat lurking in the shadows.

After walking for a few minutes, he came up on a small shack. There was an open sign hanging on the door spray painted on a piece of wood. The windows were slightly dimmed, but he could see through just fine. There were shelves with empty and filled jars, little boxes, and much more.

He lingered at the door for a moment before opening it and stepping inside. He look around the slightly dusty place with curiosity. What was this place? The items on shelves and sitting on the floor along the walls were strange, but they seemed mundane enough.

"Hello?" He called, filling the silence with his smooth, velvety voice.

An lady peaked her head from a door behind the counter with a smile. She seemed to be in her early forties. She wore a hippie dress, a scarf tied around her head, her lips glossed. Her hair was white, but her skin was a rich, youthful brown. She wore gold hoop earrings, and her hands were decorated with rings. There was an excessive amount of necklaces hanging from her throat, but it somehow worked.

But it was her eyes that caught Carlisle's attention. They held an antiquity to them, like she was older than she looked. But she wasn't a vampire, he knew this.

The woman gave a warm smile, a kind of radiance in it, "Hello, how may I help you?"

He formed the question in his head before saying it out loud, "Who are you?"

She shrugged, her smile never faltering, "Just a shopkeep. Did you come in for our sale?"

Carlisle thought again, he was still confused and curious about everything, so he didn't exactly know how to answer, even with a mind as quick as his. "What is the sale?"

"Our Second Chance Sale," she shopkeep said, tilting her head politely.

"What is that?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. A second chance. Is that what you are in search of? A second chance?" She asked, fluttering her lashes, folding her hands together in question.

He hesitated, "A second chance at what?"

"You tell me, dear," she shrugged, "What is it you wish to fix?"

There was only one thing that came to mind, one thing that was always on his mind every second of every day. He would trade in his life to make things right. But this could easily just be some cruel joke.

But, if it was, the worse that could come of it would be the painful thought that he could have made things right but didn't.

He gave a nod, "I would save her."

She smiled again, holding her hand out to him, "Give me your hand."

Again, he was hesitant. He didn't know what to trust about this. In fact, he should have just gone to work and avoided the contact at all, but he hadn't. He felt a strange pull to this place, to something within it. Some feeling.

He handed her his hand, laying it in her palm as he held his breath. She looked down at it, flipping it over in his hand to reveal his palm. She looked closely at it for a while, as if seeing something more in the lines and creases than just lines and creases.

She nodded, grabbing a jar off the counter and opening it without breaking eye contact with his palm. She took a handful of the contents of the jar, the unknown powder being sprinkled in his hand and then the excess powder being discarded on the floor with little to no thought from the woman.

Carlisle watched the shopkeep worked as she closed his hand over the strange powder, kneading his fingers into his palm firmly. When she opened his hand again, the powder had completely disappeared. She looked back up at Carlisle and said, "In a few moments, your second chance will present itself to you."

Carlisle spoke, "What is the cost?"

She shrugged, "Whatever comes of it. If you succeed, the cost is your pain. It will disappear and you shall be happy again. However if you fail, the cost is your happiness. It will never be seen again."

Carlisle gave a solemn look, understanding with each second the graveness of the situation. This wasn't just for her, this was for him. He couldn't fail, he couldn't.

She gave him a stern nod before speaking in a firm voice, "Go."

~

Carlisle's eyes focused on the newspaper in his hands, sat in his home by himself. His children were out hunting, he had stayed back. He looked around, confused and surprised. What had happened?

All he remembered was the shopkeep, how did he end up here?

His phone rang during his quest to understand what was going on. He looked at it and picked it up. 'Alice'

He breathed in deeply before picking up the phone and bringing it to his ear, "Alice?"

Her voice was frantic, disturbed, as she spoke, "Carlisle? Y/N's in danger. She's going to be taken by Victoria."

Carlisle was suddenly hyperaware of everything. Those were the words Alice said to him when he called her that night. This was her second chance.

"How long do I have?" He questioned quickly, already in his car in the garage as he rushed out of the drive.

There was a beat of silence before she answered, "About five minutes. They're at the treaty line."

Carlisle had no time to thank her as he hung up, throwing his phone to the seat next to him and rushing to her. He already knew where she was. He'd lived it before. He would not live through what came after again.

He wasted no time in stopping the car with the screech of the wheels against the ground, getting out in no time and seeing the redhead standing with the love of his life. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. He hadn't seen her in so long.

"Y/N," he breathed. If he were capable of it, tears would have sprang to his eyes.

Victoria growled, "It's not as good as Bella, but I'll get to her in time." She was inching over to the edge of the line, closer and closer to the small trench where the river divided the territory.

Carlisle spoke in a demanding voice, "Stop this, Victoria! You won't hurt her."

She redhead sneered, "And why is that?"

"I won't let you, not this time," he muttered the last part mostly to himself. He had his hands held out in front of him.

Y/N looked at him only, her eyes flooded with tears, "Carlisle."

He looked at her, a burning in his throat from sorrow and not hunger. He just needed to save her. "It's okay, my love. You'll be okay."

Victoria yanked her back again, closer towards the edge where she threatened to drop her. Carlisle turned back to Victoria, fury in his eyes that seemed so unnatural on him. She taunted, "Might as well say goodbye."

"Not today," he told her, his tone of voice also sounding foreign on him.

"You made the mistake of keeping her human," Victoria laughed wickedly.

"Hey," Y/N said softly, "Carlisle, look at me."

He did, he would always have his eyes on her as much as he possibly could, especially after losing her for so long. This was his second chance, he would not mess this up.

She, on the other hand, wasn't so confident in making it out alive. She swallowed hard, tears staining her face, "Hey, promise me. Promise me you'll move on."

The words hurt him, they cut like a knife as he heard them again. He would not lose her, he couldn't. Not again.

"I don't have to," he told her just as gently.

She looked him in the eyes with a deepness that touched his soul. How he missed her eyes. "Say you love me. Can you do that, please?"

He nodded, he could do that. "I love you, Y/N," he told her. He hadn't told her this last time. He should have.

She smiled, "Carlisle, I love yo-"

Carlisle's eyes widened, he reached out as things seemed to move in slow motion, even for him. Victoria scoffed and shifted, moving to throw Y/N over the edge and over where the river was. He could not lose her again.

He shoved Victoria out of the way and she fled. Carlisle's mind was not on the vampire while he went to grab Y/N, his arms held out in front of him in a lunge for her. She reached out for him, she wanted to grab his hands but she couldn't touch them.

"Carlisle!" She yelled, falling backwards as gravity weighed her down heavily.

He was getting close, he was just inches away from grabbing her. But he was also inches away from the treaty line.

He smelled the beastly thing before he came into view, lunging for Carlisle. His fingertips brushed Y/N's before the wolf caught him and pushed him back on his side of the line.

Carlisle struggled against the wolf's hold, but it was too late. By the time he was able to break free, he looked over the edge and saw her.

Not again.

No, not again.

He rushed to her. The wolf went to attack him again, but stopped short when he realized what happened.

Carlisle was next to her in no time, pulling her bloodied head into his lap, his face contorted in pain and agony. "No!" He yelled, a heart-wrenching cry leaving his throat. He was pissed, he was in pain. He lost her again. He had a second chance to save her, and it didn't work.

She was still dead.

He didn't know how long he would be able to stand this. Knowing he failed twice.

Holding on was a promise he made to her the first time, but he didn't know if he'd be able to keep that promise the second time around. He could only do so much, he could only hold on so much. Without her.

Without her, he didn't feel like he was anything. He didn't feel as though anything mattered anymore.

How was he supposed to bear losing her twice? He could barely do it the first time.

But he'd gotten his second chance.

And the cost was everything.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

T&L part 11: Hot new couple

Warnings: violence

Word count: 2269

Part 10

You cannot measure the mutual affection of two human beings by the number of words they exchange.

- Milan Kundera, Identity

With their feelings finally out in the open, Arya and Paul spent their weekend alone getting to know each other better. Paul shared details of his life before the shift and Arya told him all about her mother and their relationship even tho' he knew all about it from Sam and their mind link. Staying up late to talk about their hopes and dreams for the future, neither wanting to close their eyes and cut their time together shorter. They were aware come Monday morning everyone will know they are now official and they both dreaded leaving their self-made safe place.

On Monday morning, Arya was the first to open her eyes. She watched the beautiful guy sleeping next to her with admiration. His face was relaxed and didn't hold that pack scowl everyone seemed to have on their face way too often. His mouth slightly open, hair flying in different directions creating a messy bed head she loved. She watched him and tried to memorize every line, every crease and mark.

„You're staring“ he mumbled in a low tone with a smirk gracing his lips. His voice was deeper and raspier than usual, and it made her butterflies act up again. She'd never get used to him, that much she was sure of. With a feign hurt expression she responds:

„I was gazing, it's romantic.“

With his eyes still closed he smiles: „More like creepy...good thing I'm into it.“

Arya grabs her pillow smacking him swiftly over the head: „Have you ever watched a single romantic movie? It's cute and sweet! Granted the guy's supposed to be the one gazing but since my man sleeps like the dead I had to take charge here!“

Opening his eyes, he sits up quickly and looks to her with a huge grin on his face.

„What?“ she asks suddenly feeling a bit self conscious. The day before she managed to at least fix her hair up before he woke up, but today with the sun shining on every beautiful feature her boyfriend possessed, she got distracted and probably looked like death.

„You just called me your man....I like it.“ he says wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

„Shut up“, she says trying to hide her blush but failing miserably.

Paul just shakes his head loving the impact he had on his soulmate and  leans in for a kiss. He felt as if he hadn't kissed her in forever, although it was probably a little over 6 hours.

Together, hand in hand they walk downstairs to grab some breakfast, but as soon as they near the kitchen Paul hears more than one heartbeat. Not willing to risk anything, Paul steps in front of her and prepares for whatever is waiting inside.

Not even a second later he relaxes when he is met with a bunch of his pack brothers and Emily already working on breakfast. He was confused because for the first time ever they were all silent and just looking at him and the small girl peaking out from behind him. Suddenly all their faces broke out in wide grins and the noise that usually accompanied them was echoing through the house. Shaking his head slowly with a small smile he turned to his human and draped and arm around her waist puling her close to him as they walked in.

„I knew it, everyone pay up!“ Embry yelled over the guys making Arya look at him with narrowed eyes. Before she could speak up, Paul already asked what's on her mind with sharpness in his voice.

„What exactly did you know and why are they paying up?“

Embry turned to the couple with a sheepish smile hoping Paul doesn't wolf out on him.

„Well, ever since you imprinted we sort of had a bet on how long you'd last before you finally break and surrender to the bond. I was the only one who knew you wouldn't be able to resist that one for long because, I mean look at her!“

As the words escaped Embry's mouth, his brain realized what he just said about an imprint of the biggest hot head he knew, and he just knew he was screwed.

„What did you just say?!“ Paul said through gritted teeth already shaking and losing control. Embry instantly broke into a sprint knowing Paul would follow him closely behind, hoping to escape a fight and also to protect his best friend from getting hurt. He knew Paul had a lot more work to do with his anger control and shifts and he definitely didn't want him shifting anywhere near Arya.

As the boys ran outside Arya looked to Emily with a panicked face not sure what to do, only to choose running after them in hopes of stopping the fight. She was confused about why the fight broke out in the first place and also worried about her favorite people in this world.

Last time she saw Paul get so mad was the foggy morning they met and she didn't know what to do or how to calm him down. All she could do was watch him lose control and she felt useless. She'd seen Emily calm down Sam multiple times and Kim helped Jared. Granted neither were short tempered as her wolf but she did nothing to stop his rage and she hated herself for it.

She got there in time to see them both shift and run off into the woods, distant growls in the distance reaching her ears. With a huff she plopped down on the ground in front of the cozy house and looked to the ground before her. If she couldn't calm him down or help him keep his anger in check, was she really the right one. During the entire month she knew him she only saw him phase once...did Rachel keep him calm? He always seemed relaxed around her and it started to bug her now more then ever. Maybe she wasn't competent enough to be his imprint. Arya was now overthinking things as she always does and it brought a dark cloud over her head in a matter of minutes.

Emily stood on her porch observing the young girl, seeing her mood change for the worse in a matter of seconds. She felt her motherly instinct kick in, so she walked over and sat next to her. Emily spoke:

„You know, it took Sam a while to put his anger in check too. I felt scared for a while too because nobody really gets used to seeing their boyfriend turn into a giant furball.“

„I'm not scared of him...I never was, which kind of makes me question my sanity. Also I really love his wolf form, he's...majestic.“ Arya says with a small blush tinting her cheeks and continued.

“I'm not sure I'm the one for him tho'.. He seemed really calm with Rachel and never lost his temper...not once...And now for no freaking reason he loses it and I didn't do anything, I didn't know what to do. I saw he was about to burst but I couldn't help calm him down in any way. I see you help Sam and Kim helps Jared, Rachel probably helped him before, and now here I am, about three days with him and as an imprint and I just feel useless.“

Emily shakes her head with a small smile:

„Honey, first of all I didn't handle any of this easily either. It took time for me to figure it all out and to find ways to help him. The scars on my face show it. Second of all...the reason why he was so chill around Rachel was because he didn't love her, so when a guy made comments about her..he didn't really care enough to get upset. But with you...he loves you and he imprinted on you! Anyone looking at you for too long could set him off with his temper and Embry should have known better not to comment on your looks. And third of all, you didn't see him lose it BUT he shifted three times a day at least. Sam told me Paul was struggling now more then ever because you were always getting along with other pack members so well but ignored him. He has trouble calming down because he cares for you more than anyone else. In time, you will learn how to calm him down, however he does have a temper worse than all of them combined so it will be a long, hard road for you both. As his imprint it will come naturally, just tap into it...trust yourself and your instincts and everything will fall into place. You're not useless, never think that again...Okay?“ she finished with a small nudge on the girls shoulder.

Arya giggled and nodded: „Thank you Emily.“

Three hours later the boys walked inside the house joking around as if nothing happened only to find Arya standing with her arms folded in front of her chest, her lips pursed and eyes narrowed. The two wolfs gulped nervously looking around for help from anyone willing to risk her wrath redirecting to them.

„Sit down.“ She ordered and the guys quickly complied as Jared tried to contain a laugh. Arya just looked at him with her eyebrows raised as he held his hand in surrender

„Sorry, it's just a dog joke...couldn't help it.....please don't kill me?!“ he squeaked.

Arya turned towards her boyfriend and best friend and began.

„One: Paul you will not attack any of the guys for looking at me, for complimenting me or for hugging/kissing me in a friendly matter. Got it?“ As he opened his mouth to protest she repeated her self a little louder this time.

 „GOT IT?“ He nods and Jared tries to stifle another laugh only to receive glares from both Arya and Paul.

„Two: Embry....you will NOT provoke Paul intentionally or make bets about us ever again. Got it?“

„But I bet on you guys getting together before the month was over, I was rooting for you!“ Embry whined.

„Shhh, I'm not done yet“ she said as she walked over to the table where her brother was sitting, grabbing a knife to cut up the apple she grabbed out of the fruit bowl.

„Three: I am going to continue working with Carlisle Cullen and no one here will stop me.“

As the words left her lips the whole room started to fill with angry growls and a few loud 'NEVER's or 'Over my dead body' or 'When hell freezes over'.

Emily walked into the room only to see the pack practically lose it collectively as Arya gripped the knife in her hand looking ready to kill someone. Girls made eye contact and Emily raised her hand up counting: one, two, three. On three both girls screamed „Shut up!“

This got the boys attention and Arya continued „I spent my whole life training to be a surgeon and I love it. I love cutting people open and fixing them. Surgeons are addicted to surgery, we need it, it runs in our blood. It's been two weeks since I cut someone open and if I don't do it, SOON, I will check just how fast you guys heal. I am tired of sneaking bananas into my room to practice my sutures. Cullens are vegetarians, harmless...Carlisle works with blood every day and he will NOT hurt me. Sam, medicine is a big part of who I am, I can't give it up. Paul...I'm you imprint, this will make me happy and isn't that what you want? The rest of you...I love you guys but deal with it. I am not a mindless girl with a death wish. I do not like being treated like an idiot who cannot take care of herself. This is not negotiable...I am doing it.“ As she finished she walked away, running straight to her room in order to avoid listening to the guys comments on the whole thing.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen Paul was slowly losing it at the thought of her being with a vampire all day. Sam sat quietly looking at Emily.

„We're not letting her do this, right? I will not let her anywhere near them.“ Paul said.

„You two need to set aside your differences with the Cullens. We are allies now anyways. Trust her if you do not trust them. Trust her judgement. If you try to keep her from it, she will end up resenting you.“ Emily softly spoke to the wolves.

„I really hate this idea.....but we can't control her life. Plus she only goes in a few times a week tops.“ Embry stated.

„Okay. We will let her come back to work, but only after the battle.“ Sam spoke.

„No...no....no...NO....and did I mention NO?!“ Paul growls. „She's my imprint, I can't protect her on their territory!“

„Look, we will take it one day at a time. During this time we will get to know them better, have a decent conversation with Carlisle and make sure he knows that if he touches a hair on her head, he and his family will have a war to wage with us.“

„I hate this idea so much“, Embry added.

„Not as much as I do“ Paul grumbled.

„She will be the death of me.“

[shortscribble]

Imagine Alistair being back in Forks and unexpectedly finding his mate. (Part 2)

Alistair’s POV

Something was wrong with her. It was almost a week you had been studying this human. After sparing her life that night, you had tracked her down easily enough. She never did anything you had predicted. No blabbering to Carlisle or any of the bizarre humans she met. No running away anywhere. Nothing. Even if you never got too close to her, she would still look around as if she could feel you nearby. And the times you did appear in front of her, she would stand her ground despite her heart beating fast like a drum. You never spoke or touched her again but you just couldn’t leave her alone either. 

The tattoo on her wrist had hit you hard. A pair of wings that reminded you so much of your human life. Your falcons. Muddy human memories for sure but still ever present, all because you wouldn’t let them go. After your transformation none of your falcons could tolerate your presence sensing the predator in you. Falcons for some represented hope. For you it clearly showed hopelessness for the bleak future that lay ahead. 

The same tattoo flashed again as she lifted her hand trying to fix her hair. Today she was haphazardly dressed. Every night she was staying awake studying something until she was exhausted and sometimes face planted right over the open book. The whole institute felt like zombies surviving on caffeinated drinks. You were aware of the time she was usually awake and today she had overslept. You are not sure what compelled you to growl and startle her into waking up. Why should you care if she got into trouble? 

She had huffed, clearly more annoyed than scared. She was getting used to your presence and her changed reaction made you want to smile. After her day was over, she was more relaxed somehow. Even going to a pointless human gathering. 

Y/N POV

The last few days had been the most hectic to say the least. The near death experience with the red eyed stranger had left you shaken. You remember driving back to your apartment in a daze, completely suppressing your emotions till you were safely back in your room. Of course you weren’t actually safe. His emotional stamp was unique enough that could pick it up whenever he was close-by. It was no use to run and you weren’t the running type. In the end you just didn’t have time to worry about the stranger and what he wanted from you. 

The stress from your studies kept your mind off him until he actually appeared in front of you. Which he did. You could never predict it and it scared you but all he did was glare. You felt hunted, prodded and studied like a prey before an attack that was inevitable. 

After the dreaded test was over, your classmates thought it was a good enough reason to throw a party. And you wanted a distraction to keep your thoughts at bay. So that’s what you were doing currently, dressed in one of your favourite dress, chunky pair of boots and and cheap alcohol in one hand it should have felt just like any other party you have been to before and yet nothing felt the same. As your carefree bubble was invaded, you felt more lonelier than ever before. 

All that inner turmoil caused you to ignore the person who had followed you outside. Cam was the stereotypical jock who was arrogant and never understood where to draw the line. You were pretty good at avoiding such people, sadly not today.

You rolled your eyes after he stood beside you swaying a little. “You don’t wanna test me today, Cam.”

“Haven’t even said a word yet babe.” He leaned closer to you making you take a step back automatically. “We never hang out much, why don’t we? We should.” His words were slurred, his hand carelessly slung over your shoulder making it difficult to ignore his intentions. 

“Firstly, get away from me and I’m not interested in hanging out with you” His lust was suffocating just like his presence. You pushed him hard making him stumble back. And since there was nobody else around, his pretence of being friendly vanished easily.

“Maybe you are interested in something else then” His hands squeezed your arms painfully pulling you towards him despite your struggles. You were getting ready to pull out some self defence moves when suddenly his hands disappeared and so did he. 

The red eyed stranger was holding up Cam effortlessly by his neck, he brushed his other hand down Cam’s arm almost gently before breaking his wrist with a sickening snap. The agony filled scream was short lived as he started turning different shades of blue from the lack of air supply. 

“Please! No, please! Stop. Stop you are killing him” You rushed closer touching his arm that was strangling Cam. “Let go, he will die. Please” 

“I see no reason why such pathetic humans need to exist. Are you forgetting what he was about to do?” His voice was hard with barely controlled anger, his grip not easing up.

“He deserved punishment but not a death penalty!” You said incredulously, trying to make him see reason. 

“Death seems much more fitting” he growled low glaring at Cam with absolute disdain.

“He is not moving? You killed him. You just killed him” Cam had ceased his struggles and you were about to become a hysteric mess thinking of the consequences.

“He is only unconscious, not dead. I can rectify that gladly” He threw Cam aside so easily despite his athletic build. 

“No! Thank God. You almost committed a murder! Do you realise that? Are you insane?” You were pacing back and forth wildly looking around to make sure nobody saw anything. “What are you? Why are you following me? First you try to kill me and now you try to kill someone else!” You were gone way beyond sensible at this point. 

“This is your way of expressing gratitude for saving you from this foul person?” He shook his head in disappointment but since you could read him, he absolutely expected nothing. 

“I could have saved myself just fine.” You bristled at his snobby voice. His sense of entitlement was clearly evident. “Why don’t you answer my questions?” You would lose your mind if this hide and seek game continued on. The suppressed emotions were back with a vengeance in form of tears that blurred your vision and streaked down your face silently. 

Alistair’s POV

You weren’t sure why you could not leave. She was weak with emotions, fragile physically as you could observe with the way she was dressed tonight. Seeing her this distraught was sitting ill with you. 

Before you could process what you were doing, you were in front of her making her gasp. You couldn’t deny she held your fascination. Something essential had shifted inside you seeing her this way. Maybe she deserved a few answers. “I’m not human” 

“I figured that much” her voice broke on the last word and you touched her face catching a teardrop. 

“Although Carlisle sure tries to bring me closer towards humanity”  Her skin was soft, maybe the softest you had ever touched. You tended to ignore the minuscule details when you hunted. 

“Carlisle? You mean Dr. Cullen? He knows you” She was staring at you not even flinching at your red eyes. 

“He likes to think so.” How could you notice even the slight shift in her expressions when previously human faces use to be nothing but a blur. “I don’t know why I can’t stay away from you. I will try to” Her scent was as intense as the last time you were this close to her. So uniquely captivating. 

“Why me?” Sadly you had no answer to that question yourself. You were the last person to have a vulnerability and she was exactly becoming that. This madness had to stop. 

You took a long look at her face, confused and sad yes but not fearful. It may be the last time you see her. You had to get away from her. Your future may be bleak but hers doesn’t have to be. [::Part 1:: This one is going to have 5 parts at least, to be continued]

[misc-oneshots]

Facing the future

Part one- Just one look Part two - Learning to trust Part three - Living with the bond Part Four - A new wolf Part Five - This is part five Part Six - The promise Embry Call x Reader Words: 3,299 

GIF not mine but the readers big bro and wolf together <3 No idea what happened to the format but I think I fixed it.

“It’s all my fault.” Leah whimpered. Cade sat against the wall with her and pulled her into his arms, “No, no baby, I should have got to you. This is my fault.”“Shut up.” Sam boomed making you jump further into Embry’s chest as you curled up in his lap on Billy Black’s sofa. Embry kissed your forehead before resting his head on yours and running his warm hands up and down your back reassuringly. 

Sam continued, “You can’t start to think like that, I know it’s hard because you’re imprinted to each other but this wasn’t any one person’s fault. We live as a pack, we fight as a pack. We look out for one another, Jake got hurt helping a member of his pack, it’s what we do.”A chorus of mumbled and hoarse agreement came from the boys, all of whom were scattered around the front room of the Black household. Leah buried her head in her knees as not to let them see the tears swelling in her eyes from receiving the acceptance that she had always sought from her clawed family.

Everyone fell into silence as you waited for news from Carlisle of Jacob’s condition, you snuggled into Embry’s chest, listening to the steady drum of his heart. It could have easily been the other way around with Embry hurt and Jacob carrying him back to the reservation.  This wasn’t supposed to happen, no one on your side was supposed to be hurt.You felt numb, you barely registered that Carlisle consulting Billy and Sam, nor did you hear the Alpha order for the pack to go home and rest.  But you felt Embry hook his arms under you and carry you out to the truck, he took you back to his house and curled up with you in bed, thankful that his mum was away for the weekend. You sighed as he pulled the thin blanket up over you; you never needed much to keep you warm when lying next to your radiator-boyfriend. 

“That could have been you.” You whispered into the darkness on the room and gently cupped his cheek with you hand. He moved his head to press a kiss to the inside of your palm, “Don’t think like that please, Y/N.” From what the pack had told you they had enhanced vision even at night, so you squeezed your eyes tight so he didn’t see the tears swelling, “I can’t help it, I can’t lose you Embry.” He shushed you, took your face in his large hands and kissed where your tears had spilled free, “You never have to worry about that. Do you understand me?” He brushed his lips over yours and, not trusting your voice, you simply nodded.

---

“Is this a good idea?” You asked smoothing down your dress, the one that Embry liked to paw at when he saw you in it. Embry shook his head as buttoned up his shirt, “Of course not, it’s an awful idea, but its better if we’re there if Jake loses it.” You checked that your hair was styled as you wanted it and sighed, the last place you wanted to spend your whole night was with the Cullen’s at Bella and Edward’s engagement party, especially since Bella had told Jacob that she had chosen Edward. “I still don’t like her.” You pouted.

Embry shook his head at you and grinned, “Okay street fighter, just remember that we both promised Sam to behave so no starting any fights.” “Well, if she starts anything, I’m going to finish it.” You promised. He clicked his tongue in amusement and stepped over to you and put his hands on your waist, he kissed the tip of your nose, “I don’t doubt it. You look beautiful by the way.” He held his hand up so that you could spin around, giggling, “All for you handsome.” “How’d I get so lucky?” He grinned and leaned down to kiss you. “It’s probably something to do with those cute dimples.” You teased, smiling against his lips.

He tucked some hair behind your ear before whispering into it, “If Leah is to be believed, it’s because you like my bum.”Then he laughed and blew a raspberry against your reddening check before bolting down the stairs laughing. You covered your red face with your hands and shouted, “Leah!” 

Laughter erupted downstairs.

---

Pretentious was the words that sprung to mind when you got to the Cullen’s party. Embry’s arm found your waist and pulled your to his side so he could kiss the side of your head. You glanced around at the pack, “Are you all okay?” Quil’s face was scrunched in discomfort as he answered, “It reeks of leech in here.”

Cade appeared with his arm around Leah, who looked stupid happily for the first time in a long time, “The rest of the party guests masks it a bit, but it’s still there.”

“Luckily I have you.” Embry mumbled to you before pushing his nose into your hair and inhaling. “I’m not a scented candle.” You pushed his chest playfully. “I can deal with the smell.” Paul announced happily, “There are other things to focus on.” He gave you an exaggerated wink before making his way over to a group of pretty girls. Jared clicked his tongue, “He might be my best friend but honestly that boy only ever follows his di-”

“Woah lets it PG-13!” A booming voice interrupted and the pack turned to see Emmett and Rosalie. The pack acknowledged them but then dispersed quickly, leaving the vampire couple and you and Embry. 

  “How’s Jacob recovering?” Emmett asked. “Okay, he’s around her somewhere.” Embry answered tightly. “Clinging to Bella somewhere I’m sure.” Rosalie said and you nodded in agreement.

Your boyfriend cleared his throat, “Look, er, I just wanted to say sorry for last time. I would never usually let myself get worked up like that, especially not surrounded by all those people but I thought my imprint was in trouble.. well I’m sure you understand. And thank you, for making sure that she got home safe and looking after her when I couldn’t.”

Emmett just offered him a big grin, “Don’t worry about it, dog breath. I mean you saved Alice out there in the battle, call us equal. But just so you know, I only let it look like you were winning so that you could impress your imprint.” Cue the collective eye roll of you, Embry and Rosalie.  You parted and enjoyed the party with your boyfriend, who it seemed could drink as much as he wanted and it didn’t seem to touch him. Stupid wolf metabolism. You were enjoying a dance with Embry when he stopped dead and looked off into the woods. He cursed and shook his head, “I’ve got to go help the guys with Jacob.” He looked around awkwardly, he didn’t want to leave you, knowing that you’d drank more than usual and the alcohol was effecting you.

“I’ll go find Carlisle or Esme.” You promised him, the older vampires always seemed more favourable to the pack. “Stay out of trouble, okay beautiful?” He waited until you nodded before kissing your forehead and running off. You stayed for a moment watching where he’d left when Rosalie found you and together you watched as the pack dragged Jacob out of the woods with Bella trailing behind. You finished your drink in one long swig and passed Rosalie your empty glass, who surprisingly took it from you with no fuss. “Y/N,” The blonde caught your attention before nodding towards Bella, “Give her hell.” You gave her a drunken grin, you intended too. 

---

ake and his escorts were way out of view by the time you reached Bella. She spotted you and narrowed her eyes and you matched her glare, “What are you doing here?”

“I came with the pack.” You responded, “What have you said to Jake? You need to stop messing with him, you’ve already chosen Edward.” As you approached her eyes rapidly glanced around behind you, no doubt looking for a Vampire shield like the last time you’d seen her. She crossed her arms and raised her nose in the air, “I didn’t choose Edward, fate chose us for each other. You wouldn’t understand, the imprint doesn’t compare.”

Anger flared up from your belly and heat rushed into your cheeks, spewed from your mouth, “How dare you?!” 

“How dare I?” She snipped, “You weren’t even invited tonight. Me and Edward are getting married and we’ll still be married long after you’ve turned to dust. Our bond means that he’ll turn me and we’ll be together forever. The imprint means that you’re going to be stuck here in this depressing little town forever, never able to leave because of Embry. Good luck with life.” 

Her words sucker punched you and for a moment you gaped at her. It was like the wind had been knocked from you, you supposed because a part of you recognised the lace of truth in her words and it scared you. 

What happened to your plans for life now that you had the imprint to work around?

“Y/N?”

Embry calling your name brought the wind back in your lungs and you turned to the tree line to face Paul, Leah and your boyfriend. Embry held his hand out to you, “Come on beautiful, she’s not worth it.” Taking in a shaky, drunken breath you stepped away from Bella and towards Embry’s out stretched hand. Of course, Bella demanded the last word, “That’s right, leave. Go to your mongrel boyfriend.” You spun, swung your arm back and punched her straight in the nose.  Bella yowled, her hands flew to her face and she crumpled to the floor whining. “Talk about my wolf again bitch and I’ll rearrange your face.” You snapped in alcohol fuelled fury.

You stormed away from her pathetic whimpering towards your friends. Embry moved to take your hand but you dodged him and looped your arm with Paul so you could lean on him as you walked. Embry let his hand fall and swallowed hard, both of you knew that Bella’s venomous words had wound into your consciousness.

---

Everyone could see that something wasn’t right between you and Embry since the party and the pack were worried. When Sam had finally accepted his life as a wolf and alpha, he knew that he’d also have to deal with teenage drama that he thought he’d gotten to leave behind. He never expected his teenage charges to imprint so young, so he didn’t have a plan for when an imprint wanted to move away to college. “It’s been her plan as long as I can remember.” Jacob mumbled, his words were wiped away by the sea wind. Paul lay flat on his back on the beach, “She used to tell me that she’d threaten college boys with her big brother and that I’d have to go up to beat them up.” Sam scowled, “That might be but separating you and your imprint will hurt you both. She has to stay.”Embry let out a wistful sigh, “Well everyone thanks for being no help at all.” He stood and stomped off down the beach. Sam groaned and rubbed his face with his large hand, “One of you has to talk to her.” Jacob ran his hand through his hair and shot Paul a look, “I’ll take him, you take Y/N.”

Paul lifted his legs before jumping to stand from being laid down, “Big brother to the rescue again.”

---

“Paul I told you I’m not in the mood.” You snapped at him. Ignoring you, as he always did, Paul took your phone and book from your hand, placed them on your desk and picked you up by the waist before dropping you both down on your bed. He perched you on his knee like he was Santa and you were and eager child, you glared at his cheeky smile. “Now, tell big bro what bothering you.” He patted your knee as he asked you. You narrowed your eyes at him and pinched the back of his hand making him yelp, “I feel the need to point out, yet again, that you’re not really my brother.”

He held his hand over his heart and dramatically whined, “That hurt. Now come on, we all know that you’ve not been right since you KO’d that fang banger.”

You sighed and fell back so you were against his chest, he wrapped his arms around you, his favourite ‘big brother cuddle mode’. “What are me and Embry going to do? I’ve already started to look for colleges and I love him but does that mean that I give up on my future career? I know that I’ll have to make sacrifices for the pack and Embry will always have a job at the garage but you know that I’ve always wanted to go into further education.” You sighed again as he rubbed your back, “I know now that I’m always going to come back to Forks and La Push for Embry and whatever life we can have together. I do whatever the pack asks me to, when they ask me too, can’t I at least have the career that I want?”

Paul sighed and held you closer to him, he kissed the top of your head and mumbled, “Okay, so my plan was to come in here and convince you to give up this kind of thing for the sake of the pack but you’re not a wolf and you’re not stuck like we are. I don’t know what to say Y/N but you need to talk to Embry, avoiding each other won’t help.” “You’re right.” You said. You didn’t need to look at him to know that he was grinning, “Aren’t I always? I miss the days when you just had a crush on Jacob. That was when things were simple.” “It was more simple back then,” you agreed, “But I don’t miss it, not when I have something real with Embry.”

---

It was that night that Embry appeared in your bedroom doorway, he lent against the frame with his hands behind his back, “Can I come in? We need to talk.” Your stomach dropped but you tried to give him a grin, “I thought that we were pretending that nothing was wrong?” Embry offered a humorous chuckle and shook his head, his hair moving, “Yeah, that’s not working so much for me and don’t forget, I get vibes about how you feel.” You swallowed hard and moved things from your bed so that he could come and join you sat on it. He pulled a full plastic bag from behind his back and laid it on your bed before sitting across you and taking your hands in his warm ones.

He ran his thumb across the back your hand, “I know that you had your future all plans before I came in like a wrecking ball,” You went to interrupt him but he stopped you, “Let me finish, please. Every time you’ve told me about your plans I’m been so proud of you but also super scared because I didn’t want to face that you could one day leave me. I still don’t want too.”

He let go of your hands before picking up the plastic bag and pulling out a bunch of paperwork before continuing, “Okay so, I know that this isn’t a solid solution but I thought maybe this could be a jump off point for us finding something that works for us. I did some research and all of these are close to the packs territory, you know, just in case Sam orders me to stay here with the pack.”

He passed you the paperwork and tentatively you took them from him before turning them over. 

College prospectus. 

About ten of them in all. Your hand flew to your mouth and you felt tears spring in your eyes. Embry panicked, “No no, please baby. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry.” You shook your head, “No Embry, no, you didn’t upset me. This, all the planning and thought you put in to this means so much to me.”

Putting the brochures to one side was the one warning that Embry had before you launched yourself at him, you lips pushing against his as you landed in his lap. He kissed you back earnestly, grinning against your lips as he did. And that’s how you spent the next few hours, locked in loving embrace and smiling about your time today and eventually planning for your future.

----

The pack didn’t see you for a few days. “Well you guys look a look happier.” Quil quipped when you resurfaced; he was sat on Emily and Sam’s front porch. “What gave it away?” Embry called up to them as he carried you bridal style up to the house. You squealed playfully and kicked your legs as he jogged towards the house. Leah grinned and elbowed Cade, “Now I don’t have to beat him up.” “Again.” Seth added and the pack laughed. Embry leaned down to whisper to you, “Between us, I’d rather face the newborns again than her pissed off.” “That’s my girl.” Cade grinned and wrapped his arm around Leah’s waist making the pack laugh again. 

Embry didn’t put you down as he chose a seat and dropped himself down into it with you still in his arms. “We have a plan.” You announced happily. “Let’s hear it.” Sam grumbled. Embry started, “We may have found a solution.” You continued, “So, Embry found all these colleges not too far out of the packs territories. I found one that I like.” “Not only does it have incredible reviews but the course that Y/N wants to do offers a special program where there could only be a couple of classes a week actually at the college and the rest of the time she’ll be with a partnering company doing the actual job.”

“We’ve already checked and there’s company in Port Angeles partnered with the college.”

“So theoretically, Y/N could stay in La Push with me – I mean us, and just commute to the classes.” “And Embry won’t have to leave the pack. I’ve applied and I’ve just got to wait and see if they’ll take me.” You summarised and in the pause you took for breath Embry gave you a quick soft kiss.

The look of relief from the pack was evident and Sam came over to clap Embry on the shoulder in a moment of pride. Embry gave him a grin and you smiled at the exchange. You knew that they avoided the subject of their heritage, that they could share a father as well as a pack. “Ugh look at them, full of love.” Paul groaned. “It’s disgusting.” Jared agreed and Kim rewarded him with an elbow to the ribs.Surrounded by the laughter and love of the pack, your family, the stress of the last few days washed away but, as usual, something had to ruin it. Sam stood and the pack followed his gaze to where Jacob paced in wolf form. “What’s the matter with him?” You asked. Seth mumbled, “I think I know, we got an invitation to Bella’s wedding this morning.”The pack hushed and you winced, “Poor Jake.”                          

Embry kissed you’re the side of your head, happier than ever to have you in his life, especially knowing that Jacob was about to cause some major drama in his life.

 Hope you guys liked it <3

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[anavoliselenu]

freedom chapter 3

JUSTIN POV

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom."-Soren Kierkegaard

I tried fumbling with my tie for the tenth time and was unsuccessful once again. Carlisle had taught me how to knot a tie when I was four, and I had never forgotten. Now my mind was just too full and too crazy for simple motor functions. It was even hard to breathe.

I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom and tried to exhale the stress out of my shoulders. It didn't work.

We had been in Italy for about fifteen hours now and it was still sinking in that my life back on the island was over. My freedom was gone. On top of that, I had to attend my great-grandfather's funeral today, and re-meet my family for the first time in four years. To say it like that, it only made me more insane.

My sleep deprivation, coupled with the time difference, and the impending sorrow of the day was making me slightly irritable.

Selena and I occupied a large hotel room in a modern, posh establishment, right in the heart of Rome. Alec was, of course, with the family a floor below who were happy to see him, as he told it. He came to see us early this morning with all the details.

Everyone was sad, but fine. He said they looked tired.

I didn't know if we should be springing my arrival on them like this, but Carlisle thought it might be better to just get it out in the open. After the funeral, I would be able to talk with them. I had no idea what I was going to say. I was going to take it one step at a time.

But first, I had to get through this fucking funeral.

I had been to maybe one hundred in my lifetime. With the sort of existence we lived, it was a given that people were going to die. We usually went to funerals out of respect. A friend or colleague dies, you go see his burial. It was simple. But nothing would be able to prepare me for this day.

How was I supposed to react to this? My grandfather, the man I looked up to most—the man who raised me to be who I am today—was dead. I never in my life thought I would say that. Hell, it was almost predetermined that I was going to die before him. I should have died before him. According to everyone but a select few, I had died before him.

The core of our family was gone. I knew we were strong enough not to crumble, but it was still slightly strange. It was almost like sailing in pitch black darkness without a lighthouse. Who would I call when I was pissed at Carlisle? Who was going to give me straightforward, honest answers to my questions? Who was going to kick my ass when I was fucking up? That was always Nicola's job.

Granted, I hadn't spoken to the man in years, but that couldn't be helped. It was just nice to know that he was out there if I needed him. Now he was gone.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and attempted again to work my tie into the appropriate position. I didn't accomplish my goal and ended up looking more disheveled.

Like the angel that she was, Selena glided into the bathroom and took over for me, nimbly fixing my tie without a word.

We had gone shopping last night, and Rome boasted some of the best fashion in the world. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that Selena would actually take advantage of it. She was in a simple black dress with capped sleeves that was hugging her body and really high black heels. She picked it all out herself. Her hair was down, over her shoulders and her face was soft with minimal makeup.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. I just can't help looking at you."

Selena smiled, showing a perfect row of teeth, "You're getting very good with your words. I think this new, more vocal Justin is a keeper."

"The more vocal Justin is bound to get in more trouble."

"That's true."

Standing in front of me was a woman, not the girl I met four years ago and I loved her now more than I did then. Of course, that brought up the question of marriage. Isn't that what people did when they were in love? According to societal standards, I was supposed to have a ring on my finger and 2.5 kids by now. I was behind.

I really did plan on marrying Selena one day. It was different now that I was older and could realize that marriage wasn't the end of the world. I wasn't sure exactly how I was supposed to be a good husband, though. Selena was the only person that made me doubt myself and the thought of being her spouse just complicated things in my head. To be honest, it wasn't the marriage itself that bothered me as much as the actual wedding did.

Fucking suits, fucking white dresses, fucking cake, fucking first dances, fucking wedding…

My stomach churned just thinking about it.

But I did understand her point of view. Most women thought about that stuff, right? They wanted the big wedding with the flower girls and soft strings playing in the background, and a nice reception.

Disgusting.

I don't know why I had such an aversion to that stuff, but I couldn't help it. I guess I was just programmed that way. I would suck it up for Selena. Did she want all that? I was afraid to ask.

"It's so weird seeing you in real clothes," I stated and wanted to mentally slap myself. I was working on being more romantic. Out of all the things I could say to her, that was it?

Stupid, Justin!

She snorted in laughter. "I was going to say the same thing to you. This suit is nice."

"Armani, of course."

"Of course." She finished with my tie and fixed my jacket, "You look incredibly dapper and handsome."

After all that time on the beach, wearing bathing suits and shorts, seeing myself in a suit was kind of a shock. My black get-up was nicely pressed and had the smell of new fabric. I hadn't worn something like this in years, and I tried to roll my shoulders around, getting the feel for it.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked unexpectedly.

"Sure," Her face started to move towards mine.

Our lips met and as they always did, connected with a spark that I would never tire of feeling. My hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. Today was a day for soft kisses and the sexual fire stayed at bay because we both knew we didn't have time for anything more. When she moaned and her hands traveled up my chest, I pulled away.

She was gloriously breathless, as was I.

"You still make me melt." Selena whispered, "I can't help it."

"Good," I smirked, "You're falling for my plan nicely."

"I've already fallen." Selena kissed me once again before pulling away completely, "How are you doing?" She asked, looking at me in the mirror.

"I'm waiting for it to hit me. Shouldn't I cry?" I reached for the bag on the counter and took a couple anti-anxiety pills.

She shrugged. "Some people don't. I remember when we went to Grandma Swan's funeral, Charlie didn't produce one tear. He cried more when he closed his finger in the car door."

"Nicola wouldn't want me to cry. He'd tell me to celebrate his fucking life because he was better than God." I chuckled at the memory of him actually uttering that phrase a couple of times.

"Is it going to be a big funeral?"

"Probably. Everyone loved him, even his enemies; they couldn't help it. He lives in this town about an hour outside of the city called Montecello. He was the mayor for years and built that area. They're all rich because of him. I heard they had a small ceremony in Sicily yesterday, though."

"That's where he was originally from?"

I nodded. "He said he would never go back there, even if we dragged him. In Sicily, he grew up poor as shit and hated it. After he made all of his money in Chicago and retired, he moved to Montecello, but he traveled everywhere."

"I only knew him for a short time, but he made me feel like family. I'm sorry you lost him." She ran her hand up my arm and gave it a squeeze.

"He was a good man to his family."

My phone in my jacket pocket vibrated and I picked it up, seeing a text message from Carlisle. They were leaving now and there was a car waiting for Selena and I downstairs.

"Is it time to go?" she asked.

"Yup. Let's get this over with." I fixed the small piece of hair that was astray and had been annoying the hell out of me since I got out of the shower, making myself perfect.

We took the elevator down to the first floor. The ride was excruciatingly slow, but when the doors finally opened, I didn't even want to get out. Selena had to take my hand and drag me across the marble floor of the hotel lobby, which was buzzing with people.

We got into the backseat of a town car that was waiting where Carlisle said it would be. It pulled out into the streets.

It was a warm and sunny February day. I rolled the windows down to let the air flow through the car, and Selena kept a tight hold on my hand for the whole ride. As we went further into the countryside, childhood memories began to flood back into my mind.

I spent every summer here until I was twenty-one, and I even completed a semester at the local university in business school. Nicola took all of us in and taught us what he knew, but I don't think Jasper and Emmett looked up to him like I did. He was my mentor, whereas they were more in line with Carlisle's methods.

The rolling hills just made me remember him more. There were days when I spent hours running through those hills. I'd be so tired, Nicola had to push me home.

"This place is stunning," Selena said from next to me, her face almost pressed against the glass of the window.

"I know. I have a house about two hours from the coast if you ever want to come back."

"You have a house here?" She looked at me with wide eyes.

"Well, it's in the opposite direction, but yes."

"I never knew that."

"I'm sure I told you."

"No, I would remember that. I would demand to visit a place like this."

"Well then, we'll have to come back," I promised, "during a happier time."

"We should have come here to hide out." She gazed at the knolls of the countryside again.

"I wish."

The drive took longer than I remembered, but I soon saw the small town of Montecello begin to appear around us.

It was one of those places that was left untouched by modernity and kept the unique, Italian feel about it. All the elderly women still told fables and made rich marinara sauces that burned your tongue but you'd be willing to die for. To someone looking in from the outside, the small bubble that the city lived in could only come out of a movie.

Today, even though the sun was shining, you could definitely tell that an emotional depression had hit the town. All the windows were covered in black, the shops were closed, and the streets were bare of people. Nicola Rossini's funeral was something that called for complete attention. Nothing was going to disrupt this day.

The one thing that I could count on was that the massive, Catholic church would be the only place with any kind of activity. The parking lot was so full that we had to park a couple blocks away. It seemed like people from all over had come for this.

Selena and I purposefully arrived late so that we didn't attract any attention.

I helped her over the cobblestoned streets on our way to the church. I could hear music without even opening the door and saw that people were already forming a processional to make the long walk to the gravesite after the funeral.

In the vestibule of the church, large vases of flowers overflowed the tables, and the red carpet under my feet dented softly as I walked towards the large oak doors of the sanctuary.

"Wait, Justin." Selena pulled me back. "We have to sign this." She pointed to a guestbook near the door.

"Oh." I looked at the thick book, which had pages upon pages of people's messy scribbling. Some were in Italian and some were in English.

"What should I say?" she asked me.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. Never once, during all the funerals that I attended, had I signed a guestbook.

She thought for a long second, biting her lip softly, before taking the pen and quickly writing something that I couldn't make out over her shoulder. She turned the page and handed me the pen.

"Can I read what you wrote?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head, "it's embarrassing."

I was really curious, but spent my time thinking about what to say instead of arguing. It took me a couple of seconds before I figured it out. I remembered Nicola's toast that he would always say at birthdays or weddings or family gatherings. It was simple, but got the point across.

I wrote it in Italian.

Avere una famiglia significa avere qualcuno da amare, avere una casa significa avere un posto dove andare, averli entrambi è una benedizione.

Having someone to love is family, having somewhere to go is home, having both is a blessing.

Even though Nicola was the most ruthless man I knew, he loved his family and wasn't afraid to show it.

I drew the Bieber family crest under the quote—which consisted of an eagle, perched on a crescent moon, and signed it: E.A.C.—Justin Anthony Bieber.

"Okay, we can go in now." I put the pen down next to the book.

Selena fixed my tie one more time before I opened the door. The sanctuary was packed to the walls. There were seats available in the back, but many of the old, devout Catholics liked to stand out of respect. Selena and I took a seat in the very last pew.

There was a priest up front, talking in rapid Italian and crossing himself multiple times. Everyone was in black and sniffles filled the air around us. A large, closed casket was behind the podium, swarming with flowers and wreaths. There was a choir who sang the traditional funeral songs, but I wasn't listening. I was searching the crowd for my family.

There were probably about three hundred people packed into the small church, so it wasn't easy, but I found them when I saw Alec's blue eyes suspiciously looking behind him from the front row. He spotted me and mouthed some words. I couldn't make them out.

I snapped my fingers in the air, and he abruptly turned around.

I let my eyes travel down the same pew he was in and saw that he was seated next to a rigid Carlisle. Next to him, I saw the shaking shoulders and auburn hair of my mother. I had to catch my breath at even the site of the back of her head. I didn't know why, but I suddenly got kind of lightheaded.

I shook my head to clear it and searched for everyone else.

Alice was sitting next to Esme, with a big ass black hat that was almost the size of Saturn. She had her arm around Esme, and it looked like they were both crying. Jasper sat next to her and the first thing I noticed that his hair was cut shorter, almost like it was in high school. Then there was Rosalie who was, of course, not paying attention. She was fixing her hair. I figured after all this time, she would have grown up some. Obviously not. Emmett was next and his massive body took up the space of two, but his suit was tailored perfectly, which was always an issue I had with him. He never cared about how his clothes fit, and it pissed me off. I see that he had taken my advice to heart now.

I was surprised to see his large arm comforting the tiny body of none other than Cici.

My grandmother is here? What the hell's really going on?

It must be some practical joke. I was further thrown into confusion when I saw her crying.

"This is the most peculiar funeral I've ever been to," I whispered to Selena who was examining the family as well.

"Everyone seems so filled with emotion."

"Nicola affected people that way."

The service dragged on for another two hours. Carlisle made a speech, the mayor made a speech, friends made speeches, and other people just cried. All the Catholic traditions were kept, and the Bible scriptures that people read sounded like they were from the heart. I had never seen so much sobbing. Selena even choked out a couple of tears, but wiped them away quickly.

I was oddly detached from it all. Shouldn't I be feeling some form of sorrow? I felt fine. I had no tears to produce and was actually kind of bored. Maybe I needed to be closer.

When the priest finally wrapped things up, I was exhausted.

Starting from the front pew, everyone stood up and walked up to the casket, dropping a flower at the foot of the podium. My family was first, and Emmett had to practically carry Cici up there. One by one, they came up the aisle of the church, headed towards the doors.

Of course, Selena and I just had to sit in the spot where they could see us the best. They were preoccupied with getting out of the church quickly to notice, but it was a close call. We had to duck out heads secretively so that they didn't know who we were. They came so close that I could smell Esme's perfume and actually felt the fabric of Rose's dress when it brushed up against me.

Alec was the last in the group and slapped the back of my head in jest on his way out. He was going to get his ass kicked for that.

Slowly, everyone else in the church did the same thing and dropped a flower at the front of the church. The pews began to evaporate of people, and they all went outside into the sun to wait for the casket to start making its journey to the cemetery. The altar boys were waiting to carry it and had their heads bowed in reverence.

Selena and I were literally the last two people in the church, waiting until the casket was carried out before moving. We didn't have any flowers to give.

We stayed in the back of the immense group that started making its way down the streets.

"I can't believe we were that close to them," I said quietly as I put on my sunglasses.

"I thought they could see us for sure."

"They were kind of preoccupied, but I could actually smell them."

"I know." Selena took my hand.

"What did you write in his guestbook?"

"Nothing special. I only met him once and just thanked him for being so welcoming to me."

"He told me that he thought you were one hell of a woman."

She laughed quietly, "I wished I knew him better. How are you holding up?" That was about the fifth time she asked me that today. It was starting to get on my nerves, but I would never tell her.

"I'm fine," I replied honestly. "I can't wait for this day to be over though. Then we can start moving forward."

"You haven't cried yet," she pointed out.

"Did you expect me to?"

"Well… no, but maybe you should. It might be healthy to cry."

"I'll be okay."

The man in front of us whipped his head around and glared at me. His southern Italian accent was thick as he spewed, "You need to shut up. I have listened to you talk for the last two minutes and it's getting on my nerves."

"Fuck you," I snapped. "Walk faster if you don't want to listen to my conversation. No one asked for your comments."

"Nicola would be ashamed in the both of you."

"Fuck. You." I said slowly.

"I'm so sorry, sir." Selena interjected, squeezing my hand tightly.

"Don't apologize to him." I told her.

"This is a funeral. Have some respect." He squinted angrily.

"So says that man who showed up drunk." I could smell the wine on his breath from here and he was wobbling a little.

"It helps me cope." He choked out as if he was about to cry.

A lady, who must have been his wife, turned him around and they walked up ahead.

It was quiet the rest of the way to the cemetery. I just listened to the sound of hundreds of feet crunching on the pavement. Like a herd of cattle, we shuffled through town with heads bowed and sniffing was the dominant sound. All this emotion was making me highly uncomfortable. Everyone was bumping into me and I had to stop myself from yelling. Thankfully, people began to trail off down side streets and into their houses as we passed them. The group got smaller with each step.

The Montecello cemetery was so big that it covered a couple acres on the far side of the town and white headstones stretched back forever. There were large iron gates that climbed upwards at the entrance and everyone stopped. Only family was allowed at the burial, per Nicola's request. He once told me that he didn't want outsiders there at his weakest moment.

The gates were closed with a clang and by this time, there were only about fifty people waiting at the entrance. Selena and I had to watch as Carlisle and everyone else in the family kept walking down the path of the cemetery towards the back.

I shuddered at the eerie feeling that crept up my spine.

"We can't go in?" Selena asked.

"No. That would be too close. I'm supposed to be dead, remember?"

I checked my watch and noticed that it was actually time to go. Selena and I walked back to the car and whisked up the street, out of town.

Nicola lived in a large, sprawling estate on the outskirts. It was the biggest mansion I had ever seen in my life, which actually comprised of a couple houses all strung together. Nothing had ever compared to it I think he owned something like six hundred acres. I wasn't sure about the square footage of the house itself, but I'm sure I wouldn't believe the number anyway.

I could see what Carlisle was talking about when he said the place was somewhat destroyed. The outside was still standing but looked like someone had tried to light it on fire. There were deep scorch marks all over the façade but the beauty of the mansion could still be seen.

"Oh my God," Selena breathed in wonder as we pulled into the back driveway. "This is ridiculously beautiful."

"I know. He never skimped on money. He loved to spend. He built this thing, but I don't think he ever stayed more than a couple months here."

"What reason would one man have to own all of this?"

"It's a kind of 'my dick is bigger than yours' type thing." I helped her out of the car, which was now parked.

"Men are weird." She scrunched up her nose.

"Yes, we are."

Don't ask me how he got there because I didn't know, but as soon as I opened the back door, Carlisle was pulling us up the stairs of the house. We passed cleaning crews who were picking up the wreckage of the house. The inside was chaotic with mess and it hurt me to see the piano, which I had played on as a child, destroyed to splintering wood.

"Everyone else will be here shortly. I said I had to leave early to settle things with the will." Carlisle spoke quickly and quietly after shutting the door to a large office-type room on the third floor.

"Do they suspect anything?" Selena asked.

"No, thank God. I don't know how I've kept this up for so long. I take it you've seen them already?"

I nodded. "Even Cici."

"Surprisingly, she's quite torn up. Who would've known?" He looked out of the window. "They're here. I'll bring Esme in last so you can talk to everyone else first. She's going to be the tough one to win over."

I stood up straighter, preparing myself for the bombardment of awkwardness that was sure to come. Selena and I didn't say anything until Carlisle shut the door on his way out.

"Do you have a speech prepared or something?" She asked me.

"No, I figured I would just let them talk first. Maybe they'll think I'm some kind of magic trick."

"Well, unlike you, I'm alive and have to think of something to say. I just don't know how they'll react."

I almost stopped breathing when I heard footsteps in the hallway a couple minutes later. Selena and I looked at each other with anxious eyes. She shuffled up next to me.

This is it.

"Carlisle, what is this?" Alice's squeaky voice asked. "I have to help Esme get things ready for dinner."

"I need you to see someone first," he said.

"When are we going back home?" Emmett croaked. I could tell that he had been crying.

"In a couple of days," he replied shortly. "Come inside."

The door opened and Alice was the first one to come in, tripping over herself. Jasper reached out to catch her before she fell.

"Oh, my. I'm all clumsy today." She smoothed out her clothes.

The world slowed down to a snail's pace. The first eyes I saw were Rosalie's. Everyone else's followed. They stopped moving when they realized that there were two people were standing in front of them… and one was supposed to be dead.

There was a mixture of fear and confusion in all their faces. Alec brought up the rear, but stayed in the corner, not daring to speak. They all looked the same; iridescently pale, beautiful in their own way with strong faces and distinguished stances.

I let out a deep breath at the sight of my brothers. We were finally all in the same room, and I felt stronger just being in their presence. It was no secret that we all worked better as a single unit. Being without them was weakening. I felt like I had my strength back somehow.

No one moved. All their mouths were opened and I almost saw the blood drain from their skin.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" Emmett asked, his voice low and strangled.

"So…I think we need to talk," he said.

"Is there a ghost in this house?" Emmett's mouth hung open. "I think there is because you're supposed to be dead!" He pointed at me.

"Well… I'm not." I shrugged.

"No shit." Jasper stepped forward. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came for the funeral."

"You came for the funeral?" Emmett mocked me. "Is that all you have to say after two fucking years in the grave?"

"What did you expect me to say?" I was already getting too defensive. I really wanted to try and keep the peace, but…well, I've never been good at backing down when someone shouts at me. It's a curse.

"Okay, let's calm down." Carlisle stood in between us.

"What's going on?" Rose blinked rapidly. "I think I see him, but that can't be him…"

"Oh, it's him," Emmett scoffed. "That fucker faked his death. Classic Nicola move." He started to pat himself down for what I assumed was a cigarette or maybe a gun.

"Selena, did you know about this?" Alice asked her.

She nodded. "We've been hiding away for the past couple of years."

"I don't understand," Rose stated.

"We were hiding," I repeated. "I was being hunted, so my wonderful and gracious father decided to ship me off to Brazil. Selena's been with me for the past two years since she got out of jail."

There was a lot of talking all at once. Actually, it was more like shouting. Everyone had something to say, except Alice and Selena. They just stood there, looking at each other while the commotion exploded around them.

The main person who was trying to yell at me was Emmett. I didn't really understand what he was saying through the cigarette in his mouth, but it was evident from his red face, he was not pleased. Jasper was trying to get answers out of me, which I didn't really have. Rose was, of course, just talking shit. Alec and Carlisle were trying to keep everyone calm. It wasn't working.

"You knew, didn't you?" Jasper turned on Carlisle. "How could you not tell us?"

"I was protecting you all. Your brother was in a bad situation; what would you have me do?"

"I expected you to trust us enough to say something," Emmett yelled. "This is bullshit. Our whole family was hurting because of this and you knew the whole time."

"I had to make a choice."

Emmett pointed at me. "You could have called, wrote, something. I couldn't eat for months after…" He let out a deep breath.

"Even though I didn't agree with how Carlisle handled the situation with Selena, I didn't have a say in the matter. Talk to him!" I barked.

"You should have told us!" Emmett took a step towards me.

"It wasn't my job to inform you about what was going on. I had to make sure Selena and I were safe."

"Justin, you're excuses are shit." Jasper suddenly shoved me…hard.

My stance wasn't prepared and I fell over the desk, landing on the floor with a thud.

Selena was at my side in a second, "Are you alright, Justin?"

"Selena, give me your purse." I growled.

"Why? What are you going to do?" She asked worriedly.

I snatched it out of her hands and grabbed the handy pocketknife that she was never without. I took off my jacket and prepared for battle.

"Stay on the floor because I don't want you to get involved in this." I instructed.

"Justin…"

I shot up from the ground and didn't even think as I switched the blade open with a flick of my wrist. I charged Jasper and he maneuvered easily away from me, but I was quick on his tail and chased him around the room, ready to stab the shit out of the bastard.

"Don't run from me!" I almost caught him, "We're not kids, Jasper."

"You're lucky I don't have anything to beat you with." He ridiculed me, "Just wait until I have a fucking bat in my hands."

"Justin, stop this." Carlisle shouted.

Jasper jumped over the table, with surprising agility, and stared me down, "Are you going to stab me, brother?"

"You bet your ass I am." I gripped the switchblade tighter in my hands, determined not to just throw the thing.

"Can't we be civilized?" Emmett pushed Jasper into the far corner, "We need to have a conversation, not kill each other."

Selena's small hands quickly took the knife out of my grasp and quickly disabled it, "Don't ever take my switchblade again. You have too many anger issues to use something like this. You could have stabbed everyone in the room."

"He fucking pushed me." I ran my now free fingers through my hair, willing myself to calm down.

"From your own words, we're not kids, Justin!" Jasper bellowed from across the room.

Selena put her hands on my chest and the touch immediately worked wonders, cooling my fiery anger, "Not here. Now's not the time. You can kill him later."

"Promise?" I darkly chuckled at the prospect of me choking the hell out of my brother.

"I promise. Everyone needs to talk first. Please calm down." She softly placed her lips at the base of my neck. She quickly handed me two anxiety pills that I dry swallowed.

The room was starting to cool and I could tell that Jasper wanted to say something, but Alice was talking quickly and quietly, trying to calm him as Selena was doing with me.

"I was doing what I thought was best," Carlisle told us all, "I knew it was going to cause this divide, but it had to be done."

"And you kept this from Esme?" Rose asked, disgusted. "I can't believe you."

"Okay, let's just breathe," Alec said, trying to be the peacemaker.

No one spoke, but we glared at each other with deadly eyes. Emmett and Jasper, especially, were starting holes into my suit. They should be directing their anger at Carlisle. He was the leader of this family. I fought him as much as I could, but when he commanded you to do something, you can't say no. It was how it had always worked. I could fight as much as I wanted, but at the end of the day, Carlisle had the final say.

"I did what I did to protect this family," Carlisle said without a hint of regret. "I know it hurt us all, but I had to protect Justin."

"It's always about Justin," Jasper squinted. "We were a family. You shattered us."

There was more silence. I really didn't have anything to say to them at the moment. If they wanted to bitch at me for something I couldn't control, let them.

"And what do you have to say for yourself?" Rose asked Selena rudely.

Selena calmly glowered at Rosalie with intense eyes "Don't start with me. Just don't. Out of all the people in this room, I should be the one shouting and yelling at the top of my lungs, but I'm not."

"I was your friend, Selena. You should have told me where you were or what was going on."

"My friend? You didn't visit me at all for that last year. None of you, for that matter, came to see me while I was rotting away for your fucking sins. I've forgiven everyone, but that doesn't mean I have to forget." Selena's voice was hard with pent-up anger that was bubbling towards the surface.

Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie all had to bow their heads in shame for that. I didn't know much about what happened when Selena was in jail because she rarely talked about it, but she was pissed at how abandoned she felt by everyone. They left her, just like I had, but they hadn't received her rage yet.

"You have the nerve to stand there and judge Justin for not calling or telling you he was okay? Where was my fucking call?" she said crossly. "I sat in that jail and could have ratted you all out, but I didn't because I care about this family. I really do, no matter how stupid that may be."

They didn't have anything to say.

"Get the fuck over it. The only one who has the right to be angry here is Esme. That's a different story on its own, but you know Carlisle would have done the same for any of you. He was protecting Justin."

"Selena…" Rose began.

"Shut up!" She shouted.

It was now my turn to calm her and I softly undid her fingers from around the knife, which was shaking in her hands. I put it in my pocket for safekeeping.

"We thought he died," Emmett said softly, still not looking at Selena. "We thought we lost him."

"You have no idea what I lost. I needed a family after…" Selena bit her lip, willing herself not to go further, but I could tell what she wanted to say. "We all hurt, but we need each other now. Obviously things aren't going as well as they should be. Nicola is dead and he wouldn't want to see us like this. We don't need to be fighting right now."

The first one to actually take a real breath was Alice as her eyes shifted to Selena. She took off and made it across the room in a second, grabbing Selena's body and pulling it towards her.

"I really missed you and I'm sorry for not visiting. I know that's no excuse, but I was scared, Selena. We all were. I can't believe this. It's so good to see you." She said all in one exhale.

"Hi, Alice." Selena embraced her back. They held onto each other tightly for a couple of seconds. "I've missed you too."

"You just left. We never even got to say goodbye." Alice pulled back, wiping her face.

Selena nodded. "Alec didn't give me much time before he kidnapped me and took me to Brazil."

"Alec knew about this too?" Jasper spun around. "I thought you were in fucking boarding school?"

Alec pointed at Carlisle as a response.

"This is ridiculous." Emmett stubbed out his cigarette on the wall.

"Are you guys back for good? Why are you here?" Alice asked.

"Carlisle called." Selena shrugged as if that answered everything. "He said we needed to be together."

Alice looked at me over Selena's shoulder. "It's nice to see you."

"You too, Alice." I nodded. She was actually one of the few people I could stand in the world.

"Can I hug you?" She asked.

I chuckled, "Yes."

She ran towards me and her arms were like vice grips on my body as she squeezed the life out of me. It was almost painful. I hugged her back.

The anger from everyone started to dissolve and after Alice let me go, I was suddenly in the arms of my oldest brother.

"You sick son of a bitch." He lifted me off of the ground. "I always knew you weren't dead."

"Oh, really?" I rasped out.

"Yeah," Emmett set me down, "you wouldn't go down like that. I'm still pissed at you, but I'm happier that you're back."

"I would have called if I could," I admitted.

He clapped my shoulder. "I can forgive you because truth be told; I know I would have done the same thing. Oh, and look…tailored suit."

"I saw that. It looks nice." I checked the label in the back.

Armani.

Jasper took his place and eyed me suspiciously. "Is it really you?"

I showed him my palm with the deep, healed cut that was made when I turned thirteen by the same dagger that made the identical scar on his own palm.

"I'm not so easy to convince as Emmett is. You don't have my forgiveness just yet." He shook my hand like this was a business proposition.

"I wasn't looking for your forgiveness," I said.

"I know." He shrugged. "Just give me some time to think about this. It's been so long without you, I forgot what it was like to have three brothers instead of two.

"I know what you mean."

"We're just shocked." Rose surprisingly embraced me without an acidic tone. "How did you expect us to react?"

I didn't have an answer for her.

"I'm glad you're back, Justin. It's been hell without you."

Alice was bouncing and clapping her hands wildly. "This day started off so sad, but now look. We're all back together. Back from the dead, and back from… Well, wherever the hell Selena was."

"How about we sit down and talk?" Carlisle suggested, pointing to the chairs around the room.

It took about an hour for me to really explain in detail what had happened when Jacob was first coming for my blood.

They knew that Carlisle shipped me off to Switzerland since I was in contact with them for about two years. They heard my screams and shouts when Selena wasn't released from prison and up until that point, all the gaps in my story were filled.

It got rather complicated when I came back here to get Selena. I was actually in Chicago for about a week. No one knew that besides Carlisle. He was trying to calm me down, but nothing really worked. I was still planning on releasing Selena from jail. When it was clear that I wasn't going to deter my plans, I was forced out of the country. I don't even remember it. One minute, I was in his office, and the next I was on a plane to Brazil.

That was why I was mad at Carlisle now. He drugged me, against my will, and placed me somewhere I didn't want to be. Of course, I couldn't go back at that point because if I went to jail, there wouldn't be a better solution for Selena. She wasn't going to get out until her time was up and for me to get myself arrested for faking my own death, it would have caused more damage than good. I just had to wait.

Selena took over the tale from when she got to the island, but after that point, there wasn't anything exciting to say.

"We have been hiding out with Alec until things blew over," Selena concluded the story. "Justin is the only one who gets to talk to Carlisle and it's only for five minutes every couple of months. I haven't even spoken to Charlie in two years."

"I still can't believe that you kept this from us," Emmett said to Carlisle. "Did you think we would tell anyone?"

"No, but I couldn't chance it. Every person who knew was at risk and my plan still didn't work. They were ambushed too."

"Really?" Jasper asked in surprise. "By the same fucking guys?"

"I would assume so. They stormed the island and we were totally unprepared." I shrugged.

"Well, shit," he leaned back in his seat, "this is serious."

"Now you see why I did what I did. I was protecting all of us because they were going to kill Justin. They'll still want to kill him." Carlisle sighed, "My family is never going to be safe. I'm working on finding out who they are and who hired them."

"They're based out of a company in Texas." I repeated the information that I got from Ben before I killed him.

They looked at me with slightly surprised faces.

"Just because I lived on an island doesn't mean I wasn't working." I sighed, "If someone attacks my family, you better believe I'm going to find out who it is."

"We can defend ourselves." Alec puffed out his chest.

"But only together. We're not too successful separated," I disclosed. "And I think people know that."

"Well, it's not like anything's different in Chicago," Emmett said. "Everyone still wants a piece of us."

"Aro's still there?" Selena asked.

"Unfortunately. The old bastard is trying his hardest to keep up, but he's failing miserably."

I was about to say something, but my ears picked up the soft padding of heels on the carpet in the hallway.

"Carlisle? Where are you?" Esme's voice asked in her sweet tone. "Actually, where is anybody? I've been cooking for two hours and making sure the people coming over are alright. I figured you all needed some time alone but this is ridiculous."

"Oh, shit." Jasper got up from his chair too quickly and stumbled backwards to the floor.

Carlisle was whipping his head around from me to the door, trying to judge what exactly he should do.

"I'm not going anywhere," I answered his silent question for him.

"I forgot all about her," Rose said to Emmett. "She's going to burn us alive."

Just then, the door cracked open a sliver. Esme poked her head in with a sad smile. "What's everyone doing up here?"

"Um, nothing, sweetheart." Carlisle got up from his seat and blocked her from the view of the room.

"What's going on? It looks like a family meeting."

"We were just trying to figure a few things out before we go back home."

Esme sidestepped him and looked around the seemingly unthreatening room. Her eyes landed on mine as if they were magnets, trained to seek me out.

A strange thing happened in which she kind of went blank as if…she had seen a ghost. That was the best way to describe it. Within a second, a thousand emotions passed over her face.

Confusion.

Fear.

Sadness.

Those were the ones I could pick up on easily.

"Hi, Ma," I said, my voice only rising to a whisper.

Esme started to sway on her feet and Carlisle caught her before she fell to the ground.

SELENA POV

"We are living in the excesses of freedom. Just take a look at 42nd Street and Broadway."-William Durant

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Carlisle lifted Esme up and quickly left the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind him.

"This is going to be hell." Jasper straightened himself out after getting off of the floor. "She is going to shit her pants."

"After she kills you guys." Emmett pointed to Justin, Alec, and I.

"Esme's the one I'm worried about the most," I admitted.

"She has the right to be mad, though," Alice said. "Mostly at Carlisle, but still…"

"How do you think she'll handle it?" Alec wrung his hands together.

"She just fucking fainted. What do you think?" Rose got up from her seat and walked around the room in frustration.

Everyone kept the conversations around the table going, catching up and trying to figure out what we had missed in each other's lives. I think they realized that things were getting too hard for Justin to stay alive, and they understood why he had to be hidden. It was harder for me to justify disappearing into thin air after I got out of prison, but they knew how much I loved Justin. Alice and Rose would have done the same thing. I could tell just from the look of approval in their eyes when I explained it to them.

Nothing of importance had happened since we'd been gone. Justin kept tabs on everyone back in Chicago throughout the years so we were still in the loop, but it was nice to hear it from them. We missed not only Alice and Jasper's wedding, but also Rose and Emmett's. Of course, Alice had pictures and wasn't afraid to pull them out for viewing.

We told them what we did on the island, and they just kept staring at us like we weren't really here. I had made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wasn't going to be mad at them forever. I would say my peace and be done with it. I had said a lot earlier, but I wasn't finished yet.

It did feel good to see everyone again, though. There was that awkward hour of testing each other, where we just talked about the weather and shit. There wasn't much to say after the initial introductions then Emmett cracked a dirty joke and we all laughed—except Justin who just produced a lopsided smile.

Nothing had changed.

While Emmett, Justin, and Jasper talked about things within the family, I got up from my seat and went to the window. Cars were pulling up in the driveway, and Alice told me that they were having a small gathering here. A lot of people were expected to show up, but it wasn't supposed to be a sad thing. Nicola wouldn't have wanted that.

I had been watching Justin all day, trying to judge if he would crack any time soon. I knew he wouldn't cry, but I expected… something. He had barely uttered a word about the funeral, and I was starting to get worried. I knew he had to have some kind of feelings on the subject. He would tell me later.

"Selena, how are you doing, really?" Alice said from behind me.

I sat on the windowsill. "I'm good."

"Happy to be back?" She smiled brightly.

"I am and happy to see you."

Her face fell a little and she sat next to me. "I, um, really did want to go visit you… that last year. I just couldn't. My dad died, on my birthday no less, and I was pretty shaken up."

"I didn't know that." My forehead scrunched as I tried to remember. "What happened?"

"He got hit by a car. He and his girlfriend died, so I was kind of a mess for a long time. I wasn't even thinking about you and for that, I'm sorry. I know it's not really an excuse…"

"No, no, Alice. I understand." I took her hand.

"I didn't even realize that we weren't visiting. Did we really leave you?"

"Everyone except Alec and Esme," I said. "I got used to it after a while."

"I'm sorry. And then after you got out, we all thought you went back home until Charlie came to Chicago. He was screaming at Carlisle for days. No one knew where you were. We should have gone looking for you, but Carlisle said it wouldn't do any good. I was so stupid."

"It's okay, Alice. I'm not mad."

"You're not?" She raised her head. "Really?"

"No, I let go of my anger a long time ago. Well, I do get mad sometimes when I think about everything, but I don't hold a grudge," I confessed. "It's not worth it."

"You're so mature." She giggled. "What happened to the freshman who didn't want to go out with me on her birthday? She was just a little girl."

"God, that was so long ago. We were so young." I laughed.

"We're still young," she corrected me.

"So, what are you doing now?" I asked her.

"Well, I went to fashion school, but decided I didn't want to design my own line."

"Really? Why not?"

"I don't know. I don't think I have the patience for something like that and no one would get my style." She shrugged. "I work for WGN now. It's the big Chicago TV station. I'm the head of the wardrobe department. I get them all prettied up for the camera."

"That sounds like something you would do."

"It's so much fun. I love it." She beamed proudly. "What about you?"

"Well, I got a degree in English in jail, and then when I went to Brazil, I took a few classes at the university there. I'm going to look for something in Chicago, maybe at a newspaper or publishing firm."

"You'd be good at that, definitely."

"Um, Alice?" I leaned in. "What's wrong with Rosalie?"

We both shot looks at her. She was in a corner of the room with crossed arms and a bouncing leg, as if she would rather be anywhere but here.

"She's really mad at the world right now." Alice rolled her eyes. "Normal drama. You do realize that we are her only female friends, right?"

"I'm shocked," I replied sarcastically. "Rose doesn't get along with women?"

"She's just one of those chicks, I guess. But after you got out of jail, she really missed you and you just never came home. She's pissed."

"Rose doesn't have the right to be pissed." I squinted in her direction. She still wasn't paying attention.

"You know it always has to be about her."

I still thought of Rose as a sister, but it was sometimes hard to get along with her when she went into her bitchy modes.

"Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this," Alice whispered, "but they're trying to get pregnant."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it's not really working, though. She's lost like four so far. The doctors say she has a T shaped uterus. The sperm has to go over…" Alice started making hand gestures.

"I get it," I stopped her.

"They've tried everything, but it's just not working. She doesn't want to adopt or use a surrogate though." Alice sighed. "She can get pretty moody. You just learn to roll with it."

"That must be hard for her." I softened a little when I thought about what Rose was going through. Losing Elizabeth was the hardest thing I'd ever had to experience. I could only imagine how it felt to lose as many as Rose had. She must be torn up inside, but would never show that to anyone.

"She still missed you, though. She always talks about you." Alice patted my knee.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She really liked that Thanksgiving we had when she almost burned the house down trying to make the vodka sauce. She laughs at that all the time."

"I missed you guys a lot. Even when Rose was a super bitch, she was a good friend."

"We missed you too," Alice hugged me tightly, "and Justin of course."

"He won't admit it, but he wanted to come back, I think. He wants to get knee deep in blood again."

"They can never stay away." She looked me up and down. "You look really good. Like, really good, Selena!"

"Thank you." I stared down at myself. "Just regular me."

"Hot You is more like it. I approve of this whole thing you have going on here. The shoes are divine."

"I bought them myself. I knew you'd be proud." I changed the subject. "Tell me about your wedding."

"Oh, it was beautiful. Surprisingly, it was kind of small. Only the family, but it was fun." She showed me her ring, which was way too big for her finger, but perfect for Alice.

"Wow," I commented. "You two look so happy."

"We are."

"No babies yet?"

"Oh, God, no." She shuddered. "Not for another five years, at least. That's the plan. We're not ready."

I nodded in understanding.

"And what about you and Justin? No wedding yet?"

"Soon, hopefully."

"He loves you. I can tell just by the way he acts around you. It's overwhelming."

I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped suddenly. A certain chill filled the air instantly, and everyone stopped talking at the sound of loud footsteps.

"I want to see him for myself!" Esme's voice carried from the hallway. "Justin!"

"Oh, boy," Alice said.

The doors were thrust open dramatically and a furious looking Esme stood, actually shaking. There were angry tear tracks down her cheeks and her auburn hair was in complete disarray. It was the worst I had ever seen her.

"You better be dead!" She stomped towards him. "He's not dead. Why is he not dead?"

"Hi, Ma." Justin waved hesitantly.

"I… I… I can't breathe." She clutched the chair in front of her.

"It's really me."

I should have seen it coming because Esme and I were so much alike. First came the rage, and then the compassion. She slapped him so hard that his head jerked back and a deafening sound echoed throughout the room. His cheek turned a bright pink, but he just cracked his neck and stood straighter.

Then she hugged him. From the look of Justin's face, it was almost as painful as the slap. She was probably breaking ribs.

"Why are you here?" She pulled back, wiping tears. "How are you here?"

"I was being hidden. I couldn't come home."

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

"Of course I did."

"You couldn't call and tell your mother that you were alive? Do you know how much I've cried?"

"I just couldn't. It was for your own good." Justin hung his head. "I'm sorry."

Esme was one of the only people he would apologize to. Even on this occasion, his voice was so low that it was hard to hear.

Esme ran her hand over the spot where she hit him and felt his face. She didn't say anything for a long minute, just looking at him.

"How could this be happening?" she whispered quietly.

"People wanted me dead and I wasn't ready to go yet. I had too many things to fight for. I had to lay low for a while, but now I'm here. I had to come home," he said. "It's really me."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Esme, dear, I think we should talk about this in private."

"Carlisle, our son is home," She cried happily, turning around. "Look at him."

He smiled tightly. "I see that."

It took her a second, but I could've sworn I heard the click in her brain. "Why don't you look as surprised as I do?"

"Esme…"

"Answer my question." She cut him off before he said anything more. "Tell me you didn't know about this."

He didn't reply.

"Everyone out!" Esme shouted. "I want everyone out, now!"

There was a shuffling of feet as Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice left the room quickly. I was getting up to leave and, of course, tripped over the carpet, but caught myself before I did a complete faceplant.

Esme spun around so quickly that I thought her head was going to do a full three-sixty. "Selena, is that you?"

I felt the heat in my cheeks. "Hi, Esme."

"What are you doing here?" The confusion of her face was evident; she was going to start demanding answers soon.

"I… came with Justin."

"You've been with Justin?" she asked slowly.

"Yes."

"Esme, I know you have questions, but let's just sit down and talk about this." Carlisle pulled her toward a chair. She had gone almost catatonic.

"You knew, didn't you?" she asked him. "You knew the whole time that he was alive."

"Yes, I did know but…"

"How could you do that?" Esme's face turned red with anger.

"I was trying to keep our son safe and he needed to be hidden without anyone knowing."

"I'm his mother. You watched me cry myself to sleep for months and you couldn't say anything?"

"I'm sorry, Esme. I was doing what was best for the family."

"For the family?" She spoke in a hushed voice that was eerily dangerous. "My family, Carlisle. You aren't the only one who calls shots around here."

"Aro was out for blood. Justin had to be moved quickly and quietly. I'm sorry for not telling you. It killed me every day just thinking about it, but I did what I thought was best."

"That's what scares me, Carlisle. Did it ever occur to you that I was going to get hurt in this scheme of yours?"

"Yes…"

"Obviously not. You lied to me in the worst way. I can never trust you again." She struggled to take off her wedding ring but when it was free from her finger, she threw it at Carlisle. It hit his nose and then fell to the floor with a small clattering. "I want a divorce."

"Esme, listen to me…"

"No, you listen!" she snapped. "I couldn't eat for months. I was so sick that I barely moved out of bed. I lost my fucking hair because I was so stressed and you didn't say a word. For two years, I've thought about him every single day and now he just shows up out of the blue?"

"There's no excuse for what I did," he confessed, "but you're being irrational."

She slapped him, so hard that I cringed at the sound. Then she pushed up from the table and started to pace, just like Justin did.

"I can't believe you, Carlisle! I'm your wife. We've been together since I was twenty years old and you couldn't trust me enough to tell me that our son was still alive?"

"Esme…"

"I can't even look at you right now." She turned to Justin, "I need your gun. I know you have it on you."

"Ma, I'm not giving you a gun."

Esme went to him and started patting down his suit, "Give me something so I can kill this man."

Justin took her hands and held them tightly, "You have to listen to him. He has an explanation and I know you're hurt, but…"

"You couldn't call? You must have known what this would do to me." She interrupted and her voice was starting to crack again.

"I know, but if I hadn't done what I did, I would probably be dead for real."

"Who else knew about this?" she asked Carlisle.

No one said anything.

She grabbed Alec by the back of the shirt. He was literally crawling out of the door. "Where were you because I know there's more to this story?"

"I… I was… with him." He pointed at Justin.

"So, you knew?"

"Yes, but…"

"I don't want to hear it!"

She pushed him out of the door, and he stumbled into the hallway.

"Esme, let us explain," Carlisle said.

"Explain what? How I was lied to? Made a fool of? You don't get to explain yourself."

And then she turned to me.

"And what about you?"

"I was with Justin," I said tepidly.

"I really did expect more from you, Selena. I loved you like my own daughter. I know you're not a mother, but you should have said something to me. You of all people should know what it's like to lose a child."

I took in a short gasp of air at her words and my eyes immediately started to blur.

"That is completely uncalled for," Justin snapped and stood in front of me.

Esme didn't even look at us as she stamped out of the door and slammed it shut behind her. The windows shook from her fury.

I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks, and the air was sucked out of my lungs. No matter how much I tried to breathe, it just wouldn't work. I doubled over in my chair and felt someone's hand on my back, trying to soothe me. I must have looked a mess.

"Selena, are you okay? What's going on?" Justin asked me hurriedly.

"I'm fine." I pushed him off. "I'm fine."

I wobbled up from my chair and followed Esme out of the door.

"What the hell does that mean?" I shouted down the hall.

She stopped at the door she was about to go into and turned around. "I wasn't stupid, Selena. I knew what was going on."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"What did you want me to say?"

"I don't know, anything! I had a hole in my heart for a year after I lost her. I still have a hole that will never go away. All those times you came to see me and saw my red eyes, you couldn't have said anything?"

"I figured you didn't want me to…"

"Bullshit!"

That's what I realized that even though Esme was there for me physically, it was almost worst as if she hadn't been there at all. She knew and never said a word.

"I was trying not to bring it up, but that's not the point. After what you felt for losing that baby, whom you didn't even know I might add, did you ever think that I felt the same thing for losing Justin?"

"That was a low blow, Esme and you know it." I stopped myself from crying.

"And not calling me wasn't? I spent two years sobbing over my son, thinking that he was dead, and no one told me a thing. I think I have the right to be pissed."

"Of course you do, but you don't need to take it out on me. I'm sorry that you didn't know, but Carlisle thought it was best. You'll have to ask him about his reasoning because I don't know. It wasn't my responsibility."

"Maybe it's best that you didn't have that baby because you obviously don't have the maternal instincts to care for one." She wiped her face angrily.

"Ma, stop it!" Justin commanded, "Don't you ever talk to her like that again…"

"Or what, Justin?" She challenged, "What are you going to do? I'm already dead inside so I don't care. I can't trust any of you ever again." Esme backed into the room and shut the door in my face. Carlisle pushed past me and went inside.

I collapsed against the opposite wall and slid down to the floor. I forced myself not to cry. This wasn't about me, but what she said hurt. I knew what it was like to lose a child; she was right. But was it my responsibility to inform her that Justin was alive? No.

"Selena, she had no right to say that." Justin crouched next to me.

"I can't believe she said those things." I was almost in a daze and my head started to swirl.

"Nothing was your fault...the baby, me being dead; nothing was your fault. Don't take blame for anything that happened. This is all on Carlisle and me, understand?"

I nodded.

"I'm going to go talk with her." He got up from the floor with a purpose and went into the room.

I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but there were a lot of voices.

"Come on, Selena. Let's get you somewhere more comfortable." Emmett lifted me up out of nowhere and cradled me in his arms as we walked further down the hallway.

I was suddenly tired and as much as I tried to keep my eyes open, it just wasn't happening. I went to sleep as soon as I felt a soft pillow under my head.

The next two days flew by. Everyone got reacquainted, and we tried not to think about the time we had spent apart. Even Rose warmed up to me somewhat, but it was still like walking on eggshells with her. I didn't see much of Esme or Carlisle, though. They stayed holed up in a room, talking or yelling at each other. Justin told her everything, but it didn't seem to change her attitude toward the whole situation. I didn't expect it would.

She was hurt, she was lied to, and she was pissed. Justin said to just let them work it out.

I was still mad at her, but got over it quickly. I knew she didn't mean what she said. Well, maybe she did, but Justin made sure that I knew nothing was my fault. He would repeat it any chance he got. That made me feel better. I just stayed away from Esme, but I figured we shouldn't be talking right now.

People stopped by to give their well wishes to the family. Most of the massive Bieber clan left the day after the funeral, so I never really got to see anyone. They brought flowers and food. We took them all graciously and sent thanks. By the time we got ready to leave, the place was overflowing with gifts. The housekeepers were having a hell of a time sorting them all out.

"I can't believe we're really going back," I said as I packed the small amount of things that Justin and I had brought with us. We were in our hotel on our last night in Rome. Tomorrow, we would make the journey back to Chicago.

"This is just very… awkward." He smoked his cigarette at the window. "What am I going to do back there?"

"Whatever Carlisle wants you to do."

"That's just it; I'm tired of following him around like some puppy dog. His time is up."

"Don't think like that, Justin. He does what he thinks is best."

"And he gets us in a hell of a lot of trouble. Esme won't even look at him. She said he has to move out when we get back to Chicago."

"She still wants a divorce?"

"Well, she would rather he be dead, but she'll take a divorce."

"That's… sad." I never thought Carlisle and Esme would be at this point. They almost never even fought. I guess it was understandable, though.

Justin blew out a plume of smoke into the chilly night air. "I have no idea what the situation over there is, but I have a bad feeling."

"Carlisle will know what to do."

"He's not God, Selena. He makes mistakes too."

"I know, but I trust him."

"More than you should." Justin looked at me seriously. "He's running us into the ground. Our whole family is falling apart because of him."

"Don't say that."

"Why? It's true. His methods don't work; that's been proven time and time again. He's caused too much of a mess to clean up and he doesn't even know how to fix it."

"What are you talking about?" I sat on the bed.

"Emmett told me that it's changing in Chicago. The Cullens are still on top, but people aren't scared of us like they should be. He's fucking it all up. This is not what Nicola worked so hard for."

"And you could do better?"

"Of course I could do better, Selena," Justin said as if I had offended him. "He's weak. He lets his friendships rule his decisions and that's not right. Shoot first, ask questions later."

"That's one way, but I'm sure Carlisle…"

"Stop defending him," he cut me off.

"I'm just saying. His job is hard and he's cracking."

Justin stubbed out his cigarette. "What's my legacy going to be?"

"You're a little too young to be thinking about a legacy, aren't you?"

"I'm ancient in this game. Shinobu started when he was twenty-five, and James fucking Denali was twenty-one. Who knows when I'll get my chance?"

"Aren't you still in training?" I asked.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but the time for training is over." He plopped down on the bed next to me, stretching his legs out. "This is real, Selena."

"Just don't start any war." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Where are we going to live?"

"I built a house," he said, like it was normal.

"You built a house?" I asked slowly.

"Well, not me. I had a house built for us."

"Where?" I raised my head.

"In the same neighborhood as everyone else." He shrugged. "It's pretty big and it's nice, I guess."

"How long has this been going on?"

"For about a year. I started it just in case."

I was actually kind of speechless, even though I shouldn't have been. This was just the type of thing that Justin would do.

"What does it look like?" I asked him.

"I can't tell you." He grinned. "You'll just have to wait until we get there."

Neither of us slept that night. I think we were both too anxious, but by the time the sun came up, I wasn't even tired.

We waited in the room until Carlisle called us. Justin and I rode the elevator down with our minimal amount of stuff and met the family in the lobby. Esme was there but didn't speak or even look at anyone. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and her face was unhealthily pale. The only one who was absent was Cici. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen her since being here.

There were 'good mornings' from everyone else and smiles at the prospect of going home.

Justin spoke with Carlisle in the back, talking for almost the whole flight. I sat next to Emmett would challenged me to a game of Scrabble. Of course, I couldn't pass that up and spent a long time trying to obliterate him with large words. Thankfully, he wasn't as good as Justin, so I beat him all four times we played.

We had a layover in New York and when the plane took off again, Emmett's seat was replaced with Carlisle.

"I think we should talk." He fixed his jacket and crossed his legs, preparing for what I assumed was a speech.

"Okay."

"First of all, I'm sorry," he said. "I am very sorry for… everything. You lost your life and your family and your education all because of us. It wasn't right of me to put all of that on your shoulders."

"No, it wasn't." I didn't bother sugarcoating it.

"I know you probably hated me for a long time and I understand that…"

"I don't hate you, Carlisle. I did, but I don't now."

"You should hate me. I betrayed you, Selena. I should have fought harder, but I was just so focused on Justin. I'm sorry."

"You have to stop apologizing."

"I will never stop apologizing to you for what you did." He looked at me so tenderly that I had to occupy my eyes with something else. The carpet suddenly became interesting.

"I just want to put it all behind me. I'm looking forward now."

"Well, you'll be happy to know that your record is expunged. Your criminal record is swiped clean."

"How did you do that?" I raised my head.

He shrugged. "I'm Carlisle Bieber. I also set you up with… physical compensation for your troubles."

"I don't want your money. It's not all about money."

"I felt like you should have it. I don't know how else to repay you."

"I see." I paused, "Well, thank you."

"If there's anything you need or anything I can do for you, please ask me." He leaned towards me and took my hands in his. "Lo sono sempre in debito, Isabella."

I'm forever in your debt.

"Grazie." I smiled tightly.

He kissed my cheek before getting up from his seat and walking down the plane.

I felt eyes on me and looked over to see Esme glaring in my direction. She lowered her head back into a magazine.

We landed in a private airfield right outside of Chicago, and I let out a deep sigh of relief that we had finally made it. I was surprised at how warm it was. There was snow on the ground, but the air was calm and mild in temperature. I almost had to take my coat off.

There were cars waiting for us and Justin opened the door of the last one in line. I slid into the backseat.

"There was no one to check you at the airport," I commented as we pulled out.

"They're watching me." He pointed across the street at a car that was waiting. They started to follow us as the car picked up speed.

"I think I can see it." I pointed out of the window to a giant white, stone house that could have probably accommodated a small country.

"Yup, that's it. Eight thousand square feet of pristine, Italian marble."

"This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I almost couldn't speak.

We drove onto the expansive cobblestone driveway of our new home.

"Do you like it?" Justin asked as he helped me out of the car.

"I'm speechless. I have no I idea where to look first," I said truthfully.

There were trucks outside, and I saw men unloading furniture into the house.

"It's not fully done yet, but it should be in a couple of hours," Justin told me. "They're putting the final touches on it now."

The whole compound was in the European architectural style with beautiful arches and huge, open windows that reflected the sunlight. It looked like a giant Spanish villa with connecting sections of the house that was held together with a red tiled roof and a massive green lawn. To the side of the house was a garage that looked like it could hold at least ten cars, which wouldn't be much of a shock if anyone knew Justin.

"Did you build all this?" I asked.

"I designed it, yes. I just wanted to make this our home," he whispered in my ear.

"It's perfect and I haven't even seen the inside yet." I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"They started it over a year ago but I've made them start over about five times until it was to my specifications. Carlisle's been keeping an eye on the construction. Would you like to go inside?"

I nodded dumbly.

Everything was made of a gleaming, shiny neutral colored marble that was actually blinding. A massive round, hardwood table sat in the middle of the room under a hanging chandelier that I had to crane my neck to see because it was lifted so high up on the ceiling. To my left was the family room and to my right was the dining room, both accessible by large arch walkways. There were dual winding staircases that were made out of a dark wood and had a wrought iron railing, which led up to the second floor.

I didn't even know what to do.

"Do you like it?" Justin asked hesitantly.

"Its… a lot, but yes."

"I tried to tone it down a little." His shoes clicked on the floor as he walked around it. Men were sawing and clambering around the house, making a hell of a lot of noise.

"What are they doing?"

"Putting in light fixtures and finishing up the small things like sinks, outlets, and the air conditioning."

"Thank you so much for this. I really don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I did this for you."

"This is our house?" I asked with a smile. "We're going to be living here?"

"Yes. I was serious about that promise I made you. I want a future together."

"Wow, this is hitting me like a freight train." I let out a deep breath.

"If you don't like it we can…"

"No, absolutely not. I love it." I kissed him shortly and sweetly.

"Come on, let's see the rest." Justin took my hand.

We first went through the archway on the left into the family room that was floored with a thick, white carpet. The soft couches and chairs were all a dark, chocolate brown. They looked large enough to swallow me whole.

There was a gigantic white fireplace that I couldn't wait to use when it got colder. I saw an ebony baby grand piano sitting in front of the window in the corner. I ran my fingers over the new keys.

"I put in all the latest technology," Justin gestured expansively. "And everything is new. I couldn't see myself living in a house that someone else already owned. Closets are stocked with clothes, rooms have furniture, and everything's ready for us to move in."

Next was the kitchen. The counters were made of granite with a speckling of bright pink and black throughout.

"We have all brand new, stainless steel appliances," he continued.

I opened the cabinets to see blenders, baking sheets, mixers, and every other kitchen appliance ever made. The drawers held silverware and cooking utensils. The granite island in the middle of the kitchen looked like it could hold a huge Thanksgiving feast, and I couldn't wait until the time when I could hold my own dinners here.

There was a large window that let me look out over the backyard, but I couldn't even think about seeing that right now.

"This is too much. I still can't believe that this is my house," I said in awe.

"This isn't even half of it."

The archway to the right of the foyer held the formal dining room that was complete with a dark, cherry table that had twenty chairs situated around it and an oriental rug, which had intricate designs.

"I imported this table from Italy," Justin said proudly as we walked around the dining room. He turned on the light and another chandelier illuminated the room in a soft glow. There was china cabinet on the far wall that held beautiful crystal and sparkling plates.

"You're just gloating now," I laughed. "Is this still a 'my dick is bigger than yours' thing?"

"Of course it is. Once I got started, I couldn't stop. I kind of went overboard with everything," he chuckled.

"Please don't tell me that you bought a spaceship or something."

"Almost. If you want one, it'll be here in the morning."

He led me to the laundry room, which could have been its own guest bedroom if we wanted it to be. There were stairs that led to the carpeted basement and we went downstairs to see a "man palace" as Justin called it. There were weights and exercise equipment, along with a monstrous flat screen with recliners situated in a separate room.

There was a whole kitchen downstairs with a pool table and gaming equipment.

As we made it back up to the first floor, a muscular, tanned man was coming through the opened front door.

"Oh, Mr. Bieber. I wasn't expecting you back until tomorrow," he stuttered.

"There was a change of plans. I left a message on your phone," Justin replied.

"I'm so sorry. I haven't checked it all day, I've been so busy finishing up," he wiped his hand on his jeans and held it out for Justin to shake.

"It's no problem. I like what you're doing here."

"We tried to get it right this time."

"This is my wife, Selena." Justin pushed me forward. I had been Justin's "wife" now for a couple years so that name didn't shock me."Selena, this is the man who built the house, Mr. Lynn."

"It's nice to meet you." I shook his hand. "This is beautiful. It really is. You did an amazing job."

"We got our asses kicked a couple of times until we got it right, but I'm very proud. I think this is the biggest one we've ever done."

Justin and Mr. Lynn talked for a little while longer as I walked the first floor again, just taking everything in. I didn't dare got upstairs because I might pass out. Somehow, even though this house was massive and overwhelming, Justin knew I would love it. This was our home.

"Jesus, this place is huge!" Alec's booming voice made me jump slightly.

"I know. Your brother got a little crazy."

"It's impressive."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as we went into the kitchen. I was suddenly very hungry and, of course, found the fridge stocked with anything I could ever want. I started pulling out stuff to make a sandwich.

"I came to ask you something." He sat on a chair at the table.

"Okay. Shoot."

"Um, I like being back and all, it's great, but... can I stay here with you and Justin?"

"Why?"

"Carlisle and Esme are going through kind of a rough patch, as you could imagine. I can already tell that I won't be able to stay there with them fighting the way they are. It's driving me crazy."

"It's fine with me, but you know you have to ask Justin."

"I thought maybe I could just move in and we spring it on him. He won't even know I'm here."

"I don't think so. You have to ask him first..."

"Ask me what?" Justin came into the kitchen.

"Alec wants to live here," I said.

"Absolutely not." He didn't even think about it. "Hell no. You have places to go now."

"But I feel more comfortable with you guys. Please..." Alec begged. "I promise I'll keep everything clean and I'll be super quiet."

"I said no. Go stay with Emmett of Jasper. They'll gladly take you."

"I don't want to stay with them."

"Well, go get an apartment in the city."

"I would love that, but I don't have any money. It's not like I can dip into my trust fund. I'm too young," Alec argued.

"Then go get a job." Justin leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. "You're not staying here."

"Please?"

"Let him stay," I whispered to Justin. "He can't live with Carlisle and Esme right now. Where else is he going to go?"

"I don't care. Anywhere. I just want alone time with you."

"I said I'd be quiet." Alec said.

Justin pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed, "Okay, fine, but I have a few rules."

"I'm listening." Alec sat up straighter.

"Curfew is midnight..."

"Two," he challenged.

"Midnight! Not a minute after. No friends over, no loud music, you keep your room clean, and you stay out of my things."

"Lock me up, why don't you?"

"And you have to go to school," Justin finished.

"School?"

"Yes. You're eighteen. Eighteen year olds go to college."

"I've never been to school before."

"You're smart enough to figure it out."

"What about records? I don't have any." Alec shrugged. "I can't register for school without papers."

"When have you ever had to worry about something like that?" I asked. "This could be good for you. You can meet new people and get an education."

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to live here, then yes."

"Fine." Alec pushed up from the table. "But I get to pick my own room." He hurried out of the kitchen, and I heard his feet on the stairs.

"I thought we were through with him," Justin sighed.

"He likes you best. He's not going anywhere." I cut the sandwich I made in half and handed him a piece.

"He needs to grow up sometime."

"We baby him too much for that." I shrugged. "He's still younger than a lot of normal eighteen year olds."

"I know, but he can't hang on us forever."

"Give him a year," I compromised, taking a small bite of my sandwich.

"A year." He nodded. "That sounds reasonable."

"How's everything with the house?"

"Good. They'll be gone within the next hour, and it will be finished."

"I'm really excited for some reason."

"This is a new chapter for us. I hope you're ready."

"I'm definitely ready."

Mr. Lynn rushed into the kitchen. "Mr. Bieber, we need you for something."

"Okay, I'm coming." Justin put his sandwich down and followed after him.

I was about to take another delicious bite when I heard the doorbell ring. At first, I didn't know what it was and it took me a second to realize that the chime was to my house. I went to the front door and opened it to see a young couple standing there with bright smiles.

"Neighbor!" The lady jumped up and down. She had blond hair and must have been around thirty. "I can't believe it. We saw the trucks delivering things last week. They've been building this place forever. Hi!"

"Hi," I was in no way going to match her enthusiasm. It wasn't in me. I just smiled politely.

"I'm Carrie Sed and this is my husband Barry." She pointed to the man standing next to her. He looked just as happy as she did and almost had the same features: blond hair, nice face, but short in stature.

Carrie and Barry?

"Hi, I'm Barry." He shook my hand so overzealously I vibrated from the motion.

"We just had to come over and meet you." Carrie twirled around. "Finally, some neighbors."

"Do you live close by?" I asked.

"Two houses down," Barry answered. "We've been married for about three months, but moved in a year ago, right before they starting building this place. It's amazing."

"I would invite you in, but it's kind of a mess with the construction and everything."

"No, it's no problem at all. We just wanted to say hi. Oh, and I brought you a pie." Carrie handed me something wrapped in tin foil. "It's apple."

"Well, thank you. That's very nice." I was kind of surprised at how overly happy she was.

"We can be best friends and have girl talk all the time." She beamed.

"Oh, right. Of course." I didn't have it in me to tell her that I wasn't "that girl". Maybe I could try.

I didn't even hear Justin behind me until he opened the door a little wider.

"Hi, I'm Justin. Selena's husband." He shook Barry's hand.

"Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Carrie."

"Hi," she waved, "we just came by to say hello. It's been too long since we had someone new on the block, especially a young couple."

Justin smiled painfully, masking his discomfort. He obviously wasn't into this, but I could see he was trying.

"I made you a pie." Carrie pointed to the thing I was holding. It smelled horrible.

"It's apple," I said to Justin. "We can eat it later."

He gave me a "hell no" look, but nodded.

"What should I major in? There're so many options." Alec came into the doorway.

"Oh, this must be your son." Barry almost yelled with enthusiasm. "This is great. A whole family for us to get to know."

"They're too young," Carrie replied skeptically.

"We adopted," Justin said quickly. "This is Alec."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." Alec nodded.

"You too," Carrie answered. "We won't take up anymore of your time. We just wanted to say hi. I'm sure we'll have you over soon."

"We'll be looking forward to it," I replied with as much joy as I could muster.

"One more thing actually," Barry said. "I don't think we caught your last name."

"No, you didn't," Justin replied. That was all he said.

We stood around in awkward silence for a second before I decided to fill it. "Well, it was nice meeting you two."

"Okay, bye!" They almost skipped off of the front steps, hand in hand, as they walked back down the driveway.

I shut the door and let my face fall into something other than a smile. My cheeks hurt.

"Weirdos," Alec muttered and bounded up the stairs.

"We have neighbors, Selena." Justin leaned against the door. "Peppy, cookie-cutter, happy neighbors."

"Maybe they're not that bad," I said hopefully. "They seemed nice enough."

I went into the kitchen and opened up the "pie" Carrie had made. It was burned black and had gooey apple filling coming out of the sides. Justin snatched it up and threw the thing away.

"Hey, what if I wanted to eat that?" I complained. "We should at least try it."

"And die? I don't think so."

"Could you at least try to be nice to them?"

"I did a pretty good job for the two minutes that I was standing there."

"You did." I bit my lip. "Why did you tell them that Alec was our son?"

"I didn't. They assumed and I didn't correct them. It will explain why he's always here and I won't have to go into the family story if anyone asks. It's simpler that way."

"I guess."

"Besides, it's not any of their business."

I guess living the suburbs was going to be something I had to get used to.

[toffeetaffy]

Beast at My Side [3]

Manners for My Killer It's perfect. Being here with you, our fingers interlaced, lying in bed, talking just like we used to. Soon it will be midnight. The droop of my eyes and slow slur of my speech are reflections of every hour that I have been awake. You have been awake for months. You look better than you ever have. You are dead.

I write it like a letter in my mind while I stare at her inhuman beauty. I don't want to find her so captivating, and I tell her as much. She wishes I didn't have to either. It's all a part of the 'package', she says. A little taller, a little curvier, straightened teeth, thickened hair. Unquenchable thirst for human blood.

I want to drift off, give in to the sleep my body is calling for, but Bella won't let me. She's giggling nervously about something. You could almost forget that she is a monster. Having waited long enough, she leans in close and speaks in a whisper. She wants to know about Jasper. Where did we go? What did we talk about? The questions are flying past her lips even as I try desperately to cover her mouth. She giggles, I shush her, there's a gentle rapping on the bedroom door. Bella calls for them to enter before I can clap my hands back over her face. Esme lingers in the doorway. She informs Bella that Ren is sleeping soundly, and that Edward will stay with her at the cottage. She turns to leave when the thought occurs to her.

"Careful, dear," she points to her own mouth before gesturing back to us, "sharp teeth."

A little shamefacedly, Bella zips out of my grasp and starts tucking me in before I can protest. She tells me she should never forget how frail I am. I tell her I want to climb another tree. It is then that she tells me how I sound just like she used to: reckless and stupid. It's easier for her to infantalise me than to engage in a serious discussion about our predator-prey relationship. I want to tell her that she sounds just like Edward but my eyes are heavy, and my mouth is full of cotton. ___ Breakfast is a quiet affair. I am the only one eating though Bella, her husband, and daughter all sit with me making idle chatter while I chew. I have never enjoyed idle chatter. When I finish my meal I wash the dishes. The crockery is modern and white, and it looks perfect stowed away next to its counterparts. All seldom used, all expensive beyond my estimation. I am weary for the early hour.

When their conversation lulls I clear my throat. I have an appointment in Seattle, the time has changed, I cannot stay as long as I have promised. I provide them with little more detail and this upsets Bella. It upsets me, too. It might only have been one more day but we could have made that day last forever. Could have written it in the sky.

She tells me to come back. She says it without consultation or hesitation, without any regard for a life that is not hers or mine. Come right back, she pleads, meet Rosalie and Emmett. At that statement, Edward grimaces. Whatever dark thought he has captured in his pinched face - it is not for me to know. I tell her that I want to, that I would if I could, that returning here would make me happier than I have ever been. The truth of that leaves me raw. In the end I acknowledge that it is a family matter, she should discuss it with them.

Exiting the kitchen, Carlisle crosses my path.

"Bartók," I greet.

"Frankenstein," his reply.

I laugh all the way up the stairs.

My hands are clammy, resting on the handle of the bedroom door. The air is thick with a feeling, I swallow it deep. It is heavy like mud in my lungs. Before I can turn the handle he opens the door and beckons to me, shutting us in. This is part of his gift, as I understand it. A cloud of emotion that he is prone to wearing around as though it is his Sunday best. I cannot name it, only feel the weight of it upon my shoulders. It will crush me to death.

"Please stop," I plead. And it does. I know better than to expect an apology. If I have found my emotions twisted and strange it is because he wants them to be.

He asks me what is in Seattle. We appear to have moved beyond formality and in to familiarity. I do not like the change. I do not think he cares. Rather than answer him, I take a seat on the bed. It still smells sweetly of the creatures who normally reside here. The scent is a trap. One weapon in a thousand.

"You know," he begins, "some humans are gifted with a quality that grants them exceptional power. Those qualities are what evolve in to the supernatural gifts we possess after our transition."

"Do you think I'm gifted, Jasper?"

"Perhaps." He stares at me for a time, my heart gives an irregular thump. "We're all surprisingly willing to share our secrets with you, yet you seem to share so little with us."

I tell him I am an open book, that there is nothing more to me than what can readily be seen. Ask me anything, I challenge, knowing he will. He asks me what is in Seattle. An impasse, apparently.

"Come on. You get one question, one guaranteed answer, don't just throw it away!"

He asks again why I'm going to Seattle and again I stare mutely in to his eyes. Edward could pluck the thought from my head, he tells me. I imagine he already has. There is nothing for him to gain from that answer other than the knowing, but my only power lies in the withholding. It is childish. But I am little more than a child. He asks me again as I climb off the bed, he asks me again as I put on my coat, and he asks me again as I am leaving the room.

The clouds are bruised, ripe with rain. My boots squelch in the sodden earth, sinking deeper the closer I move to the tree line. I want to be angry. I want to hate him just a little, but I can already feel the lethargic creep of his manufactured calm upon me. My legs are heavy. My feet are dragging. I do not know exactly how far I have walked carrying the burden of my own body but I hope that it is far enough. I turn to find him behind me. He was always right behind me.

"Can they hear us?"

"No," Jasper says, "not from here."

He is waiting for me to tell him my secret—a secret he is sure I have—but I am frozen in front of him. Always. Crushes are cruel like that. So awful to the heart that holds them. His eyes pin me in place and scrawl illegibly on my lungs, stealing my breath. I want to embrace the panicky euphoria that should be here in my ribs where all I feel is cold calm. I plead with him to stop again, and he returns my emotions to me. Sweat crawls across my brow, hidden in the rain. He has perennial patience and I wonder if my silence will ever find the end of it.

"If you don't plan on tellin' me, why come all the way out here? Why care what they can hear?"

"Scheherazade."

"Scheherazade?"

"I'm worried. What if my story isn't interesting enough to keep me alive? What if you kill me before I get to finish telling it to you?"

"Why would I kill you?"

I press my chest against his, I clutch his sweater in my fists, I kiss him with my eyes closed. He lets me. Even damp, strange, and disgustingly human as I am - he lets me. I shouldn't have. Never without permission; maybe never at all. I step back and the air is electric. His jaw twitches, his fingers flex, his skin can barely contain him. This cannot be fixed if it is broken, it is the sort of bridge that burns too easily. I tell him I am sorry, and he asks me why. The answer is obvious. The answer is manifold. The answer is a many-splintered thing.

It happens too quickly for me to comprehend. His hand is inside my coat, resting on my hip; the other on my nape, knotted in my curls. My body aches and my mind is stained when he slants his mouth over mine. I gasp. He captures one lip between his two. I shatter. My hands reach out for him, my heart pushes up into my throat, my blood boils. When I imagine that there are no more thoughts left in the universe, I hear it.

Careful, dear. Sharp teeth.

I am choosing from one million ways to die by moulding myself against him. The panic strikes me, and blood that once burned with rebellion runs cold in my veins. I am frozen in front of him. Again. Always. He hovers around my unresponsive form, lips linger over my pulse before his body makes an earnest retreat. My lungs are full of coal and I am breathing in fire. I want it to burn forever.

He reaches for me and I flinch. Before I can finish the end of my breathy apology he is reaching again. Slowly. So slowly. His thumb ghosts over my cheek, and drifts under my eye. His eyes were brown once. Dark, like mine.

"Am I in danger?"

"Always."

"Do you think that you'll kill me?"

A crooked smile stretches up one side of his face. It's all sharp teeth and southern charm. "Well, not on purpose."

And just like that he has ruined me. My hand is not my own when it reaches out and presses against his mouth, fingertips lightly tracing. My thumb draws back his upper lip. My body shakes. It could be the cold, it could be my nerves, it could be my end. He steals my wrist away, grips my pulse in his fingers. I am saved from the inconvenience of tearing myself open on his teeth, from bleeding into his mouth.

We walk back towards the house and I am slowed by the damp. He makes no move to aid me. There are some things, he says, that we must do for ourselves. But he opens the door for me. He offers to take my coat. ___

I am in pieces by the time the rain stops. I worry at my lips,and rub at my eyes. She issues me some kind of warning but I cannot process even a single sound. There is thunder in my ears. She milks me for information even knowing that I cannot hide from her husband's gift. He has picked my brain clean. I want to be principled, keep this memory safe because it is not mine alone, have them take it forcibly if they must at all. There are no secrets kept from them, only the secrets that they keep. So why does he keep my secrets?

Edward must have told her, I say. It is a statement, and a question, and a mystery beyond my imagining. She shakes her head. There is a lot he doesn't tell her, she says. It is both sad and true. What she doesn't know can't hurt her, ignorance is bliss. He thinks that he protects her. He shelters her like a child.

I tell her she is a supernova, that she is whisky and wine. I tell her that if she lets me keep this secret, lets me hide it in my heart just for now, that tomorrow I will tell her anything. But I won't. Because I am tomorrow what I am today, and today I am a liar. If she sees that I am shot full of nervous holes—or too transparent to her eyes—she does not say. Instead, she asks when I will return from Seattle. Wednesday, at the latest. We spend the afternoon running, talking, and biding our time.

At night they light a fire in the yard. It is hot, and bright, and it scorches our names into the horizon. The doctor and his wife dance to the music, the stereo swells with a tune I cannot name. Ren perches on her uncle's shoulders, weaving flowers through her mother's hair. They are all beautiful. Each one of them so perfect in death that living seems like a mistake. I close my eyes tight and try to burn this memory there, keep it etched on the back of my eyes. Let it haunt me in my sleep.

"Would you do me the honour?"

His hand is outstretched, his expression almost sombre. I want to carve a smile on to his lips just to prove that they exist.

"Of course, Edward." The name sticks like glue in my teeth. I knew an Edward once. I had disliked that boy, too.

With my hand wrapped in his, and another on my back, he moves us gently to the music. I feel weary and calm when our dance becomes no more than a subtle sway, and Bella's smile is a blur hidden deep within her silhouette. There exists a peculiar temptation to rest my cheek against his chest. I do.

"You're such a hypocrite," he says. "You hate Bella's choices, and then you mirror them. You can't stand the way I treat her, but you treat her much the same." He takes care to keep his voice low, his lips close to my ear. "If you come back here you'll be making the same mistake she did."

"Her only mistake is loving you." It is a stupid thing to say. It is ugly, and mean, and I believe it with every cell in my body.

"I know," he says. It sounds like defeat.

I take his face in my hands and our dance has ended. I call him a fool and his cheek ticks, his jaw grinds under my palm. The beast is awake. If only it will listen. I tell him that his daughter is proof of his kindness, that his music is proof of his soul, that his family is proof monsters are only what we make them.

"There's only one thing I truly hate about you, Edward. You torture them when you torture yourself."

My hands move to his chest. There's a hole here where a heart would fit, I tell him, it's a perfect place to keep one.

"And what about you?" he asks me, "Don't you need one, too?"

I stand outside long after the fire has died down, long after the Cullens have retreated into their warm, wooden homes. I stand outside until my fingers turn blue and my lips are numb, heavy with regret. The sky is punctured with stars, swollen with life. I could almost feel immortal. Out here I bleed moonlight.

Darkness settles around me as I close my eyes. The memory is there—scratched inside, inked with fireflies—the perfect family on a perfect night. Forever is not long enough to stand here watching the doctor twirl his beautiful wife around the fire. And besides, I do not have forever. All I have is now and everything that came before it. It will have to be enough. Even open, my eyes can see their ghosts, see the smoke, see their souls. It fills me with a longing that tugs at my sleeve, begging for me to let it wash me away. For a second I think that I might.

There is a rustling in the trees. I hear the snap of a twig. Fear grabs me by the ribs, shakes bile in to my throat, and sends my heart crashing against my chest. One careful step backwards is all I can make. My legs turn to jelly, I am sinking in sand. He emerges from the tree line: he is tall, he is big, and he is entirely unknown to me. I whisper Bella's name. I draw a jagged breath in between my teeth and hiss her name again. My lungs are filled with broken glass, it shreds my attempt at a scream. If my terror is reflected on my face, it does not bother him. The stranger narrows his eyes to take me in. He stalks closer until I can plainly see each muscle working under his dark skin.

"Stop."

My voice is thready and hollow. As I draw in breath to try again, he speaks.

"Haven't seen you here before. You a friend of the family?"

There are questions in his questions, there are questions in his eyes. If I am meant to know what they are - I do not. Two more steps back. His one giant stride forward is worth any three of mine.

"Please stop." Niceties with a stranger. Manners for my killer. "Just stop and tell me who you are."

"You first." His voice is a bark, a gunshot, a fire under my feet, and I am running for the door.

I take all of the steps in two long strides but I do not reach the door. Between the beats of my heart it opens and closes again and I am caught up in stony arms, slammed firmly against a chest. My bones jar with the impact. My teeth rattle. The stranger halts his pursuit and my rescuer murmurs in my ear. Jasper.

"Easy Jacob, you're scarin' our guest."

___

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