#where i live the news has a segment where they just trash all the dumb hikers that had to get airlifted out of the mountains that day

[falsefocus]

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough || Sheith Serial Part One | Part Two

Liz got me going and now I can’t stop... The AU no one asked for but me.

The pounding in Shiro’s head began in earnest before he even opened his eyes, immediately followed by a warm rush of whatever drugs they had him on to numb the pain. Daring to crack his eyes against the bright white of the hospital room, his vision swam, making him feel like floating.

It was an odd, but not unwelcome sensation, given that the alternative was probably intense, burning pain in his muscles and head from his fall. The buzz of the medication gave Shiro a sense of contentment, and he found himself surveying his room with a smirk, trying to at least contain the ridiculous laughter he felt bubbling up inside him.

The TV hanging off the wall in the corner played a local news station on mute. Next to him stood his stand of various IV bags and a heart monitor, beeping steadily. The room was otherwise empty. Shiro had no way of telling how long he’d been out - or even where his rescuers had taken him once he’d been found.

Before his panic could dampen the mood his medication induced, the door to his room opened, and a familiar face stepped in.

“Keith!” Shiro blurted out the name before the still logical (and very exhausted) side of his brain could stop him. He scooted upright in the hospital bed with a dopey grin plastered across his face.

“Uh, hi,” Keith approached the bed with an amused twist to his lips. “Glad to see you awake.”

In the sanitary, fluorescent light of the hospital, to Shiro, Keith was stunning. The navy blue of his paramedic uniform contrasted perfectly with his jet black hair, and the ceiling light made it shimmer with the tilt of his head. No longer shrouded beneath his headlamp, Keith’s eyes were wide and deep - Shiro could stare into them all day.

Of course you could, the logical part of Shiro chided, you’re high out of your mind.

Trying to recover from that horrific first impression - or was it the second? - Shiro thought of something smart to say: “I fell off a cliff.”

Nice.

Keith laughed at that, but obviously restrained himself from commenting further. He shuffled his feet in a way that would make Shiro think he was almost embarrassed - at Shiro or himself, it wasn’t clear. “When we admitted you, we realized you’re not from here, so we figured you’d want some company when you came to.”

Keith grabbed Shiro’s chart off the wall next to his bed and gave it an appraising look. “How are you feeling?”

Shiro mulled that question over for about two seconds, and answered sincerely. “Fantastic.”

Keith fought back another laugh and rolled down a dial attached to one of the IVs, labelled MORPHINE. “So I see. Glad you remember me - you took a pretty nasty blow to the head out there.”

Re-remembering that he was, indeed, in the hospital for rolling down a mountain, Shiro reached up to feel the thick wrap of bandages around his head. “Ouch.”

Keith hummed in agreement. “You also had a bad case of hypothermia. No raincoat?” The judgemental quirk to Keith’s eyebrow just worked to make Shiro’s heart stutter.

“I’m… usually a faster hiker.” Shiro had meant that to be a boast, but for some reason it didn’t sound nearly as flattering when he was sitting banged-up in a hospital room high on morphine.

“Well, next time may I suggest a raincoat and some crampons?” Keith gave Shiro another pointed look before digging through the backpack slung over one shoulder. After a muttered curse and several papers shuffling out of the bag and onto the floor, Keith rose with one particular piece of paper in his hand and passed it to Shiro.

Too caught up in the honor of Keith handing him something to bother with reading what it was, Shiro gazed at him with reverence until Keith cleared his throat. Shiro shifted his doe-eyed glance to the paper instead.

He felt his euphoria drain away as his brain registered what the paper was. The stabbing pain in his head returned.

“This is…?”

“Your bill.” Keith leaned over to point to the total, so helpfully highlighted in yellow at the bottom of the page. “You picked one hell of a place to fall. Between the extraction, the on-site first aid, the helicopter - it wasn’t a cheap hike for you.” Keith ticked the breakdown of the cost out on his fingers matter of factly.

Shiro’s mouth felt dry. “I- I don’t-”

Before Shiro could string together a sentence, Keith interjected, “Don’t panic. We have ways to manage the cost. I know this isn’t what you want to hear right after you wake up, but...” He shrugged, “Just doing my job.”

While Keith rattled off the various payment plans and discussed working with Shiro’s insurance, Shiro’s mind blanked. It was so much money. He hadn’t paid for something this expensive since his last semester in college - and even that was with the generous help of his parents. Keith’s coy, friendly, little visit was just a sly cover for breaking the news, Shiro though ruefully. Though, the morphine-high part of him still grudgingly had to admit that staring at Keith for a bit longer was a nice consolation.

Keith finished speaking, and Shiro realized he was supposed to respond. When he didn’t answer, Keith supplied, “I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ll just leave you with some info pamphlets and let you think it over. You can email this address or call when you make a decision.”

Setting the bunch of papers gingerly on Shiro’s legs, Keith moved to leave the room. “Really, I am glad you’re okay. Wish we had met under better circumstances, Takashi.”

Shiro flopped back onto his bed, drained. The morphine wasn’t much help for financial woes, unfortunately. Taking a few deep breaths, he centered himself. It would be okay. He was alive, right? That’s what mattered here. Money was just something he needed to fly back home, to buy groceries, to feed his cat, to pay off his student loans… Pay off medical debt...

Shit.

He picked up one of the brochures, staring at the bright green cover with “Managing Your Medical Debt” embossed too cheerily across the top. Shiro couldn’t bring himself to open it. Instead, he picked up the other four pamphlets and sorted through them dejectedly. The last one - titled ominously - DEBT, seemed to capture his mood well enough, so he skimmed the first page.

A subheading gave him pause. Debt Freelancing? Shiro read through the paragraph, detailing how organizations sometimes offered debt forgiveness in exchange for volunteer work. He rolled the thought around in his head. He didn’t have to go home - Shiro was lucky enough to work as a digital copywriter at an advertising firm, able to work as long as he had his computer. He looked down at his one IV-riddled arm and his other prosthetic. He wasn’t exactly in the best shape for search and rescue work but…

Shiro shook himself out of the thought. No way. Who was even to say that Keith's company would accept something like that. Not to mention the training they’d have to put him through before he could work. It didn’t make sense.

Attempting to cast the thought out of his mind, he sulked, staring at his equally silent TV, now switched to a local baseball game. But the idea, once formed, had taken root.

What if they did let him volunteer? He had to at least ask. He grabbed the piece of paper with the email and phone number, noting the address of their headquarters listed below the contact information.

His mother’s voice chided in the back of his mind, Always better to apply for a job in person, Takashi!

He groaned inwardly. Okay, this was happening. As soon as they discharged him, he had a plan. Shiro hit his nurse’s call button and unmuted the TV.

[saleintothe90s]

423. The Chevy Chase Show, September 9, 1993.

The other day, I ran across this video from YouTube user VideoDisorder that discussed the first episode of the Chevy Chase Show.  He hit all the same points I hit when I wrote my entry about Chevy’s extremely short lived talk show from 1993. I loved his video so much that … that I had to watch another episode of Chevy’s show. I just really have the craving to tear down another episode.

I’m watching night three of Chevy’s show, September 9, 1993 . I chose this one primarily because our boy, Harry Anderson from Night Court and Dave’s World was in it. 

Also, I had a dream a few weeks ago that Harry and I were community college students who were married and lived in the huge money pit house my parents and I moved into my senior year of high school. Seemed fitting.

The show opens with Chevy putting on a wig, which kinda makes him look like he did at the beginning of the Christmas Vacation movie. (Clip: youtube.com/watch?v=ozksR8QLWzM) Just me? ok.

Oh, but no, there’s a baby in it!  Harry’s gonna staple gun it on for Chevy.

Chevy still thinks it’s funny to fall and stumble into his opening … its night three, Chevy. Stop it. He also tries to make a basketball hoop just like he did on night one. Was that supposed to be a tradition? A reference to the Fletch movie? The modern equivalent to this would be on Good Mythical Morning when Rhett and Link do a tournament and Link always misses throwing away the bad food behind his back into the trash can. (Tiny print: man they’ve been doing that too much, but ANYWAY)

Chevy does a tour of the set, which he shoulda done the first night instead of that birthday cake bit with Goldie Hawn’s son. He shows off the aquarium….oh that reminds me of something I found last night!!  I went to see if I could find anything about the show on The Internet Archive (archive.org). I found this article from this small down paper about high schooler’s thoughts on the late night wars of 1993 1.

Chevy flubbed his lines through the entire segment. He said the guest book passport thing was there to “Keep his guests from coming back” by accident. Tell us what you really feel, Chevy.  Someone in the audience even heckled him! 

Chevy: …they get some sort of prize..

Audience Member: LIKE WHAT?!

Chevy: The first prize would be trying to get you out of her in a fashion that wouldn’t be too exciting.

On your tenth visit (okay) you could get Michael Jackson in a can. Audience boos. This was a couple of weeks after the beginning of the claims that Michael had molested a boy.

Chevy then goes into a segment where he goes to a desk company to look for his desk. They got to visit the desk from Barbarians at the Gate! Something I’ve been meaning to watch for years. Tyre’s also dumb jokes about Chevy putting gum under a desk, and then retrieving it. The man at the desk warehouse said “ew”. He wasn’t playing, straight up “ew”.  I had to stop it at that point. Zzz city.

A dramatic recreation of Martin getting Nair put on by makeup ladies.

Martin Short is the first guest of the night. They sing a song from Three Amigos and its cute. Martin has a full head of fuzzy hair. It’s glorious. The interview is not. I caught myself reading the news on my phone during it. At one point, Martin says, “I will imagine my own death, and imagine people hearing the news.” Later on he discusses being in the movie Clifford and how he had Nair his legs, and he got the makeup crew to help him. Turns out he had his “little fella” hanging out of his underwear the whole time.

The News Update segment is awful. He tried to tell a joke about the rampant killings of tourists in Florida at the time:  

“The two white men in Florida who were charged [stumbles] on all accounts of setting black men on fire were convicted … that’s it… the two men could face two life terms, or a stiffer sentence of driving a rental car through Miami dressed as German tourists.”

(Crowd groans, someone in the audience even said, “NOPE!”)

He also calls Snoop Doggy Dogg, “SNOOPS Doggy Dog”.  How is he stumbling through everything like this.

On inhalant abuse, especially with aerosol deodorant:

“These are you underarms on drugs”

FINALLY, we get to Harry! This was right before Dave’s World started, where Harry played writer Dave Barry. Harry describes Dave’s books as “books you read on a plane”, and his newspaper column, “as something you read on the crapper”.

Why do I remember the bathroom from Dave’s World so well! I loved that house. 

“Was that your card?”

NO. They brought this stupid segment back from the first night. I don’t know what this even IS. It’s not funny, I know that. I read in Chevy’s biography by Rena Fruchter that these were all his faces. 2

“I love Harry Anderson, I love all of you. Goodnight.”

Facebook | Etsy | Retail History Blog | Twitter | |YouTube Playlist | Random Post | ko-fi donation | Instagram @ thelastvcr | other tumblr

“Late Night Battle Begins” Romulus Roman, September 26. 1993.  https://archive.org/details/Romulus091993/09-22-1993/page/n21/mode/2up

Fruchter, Rena. I’m Chevy Chase-- and You’re Not: The Authorized Biography. London: Virgin, 2007. 154.

Related:  Unearthing the Complete and Total Disaster That Was ‘The Chevy Chase Show’ By Roger Cormier 

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 12/14 NXT 12/16 NXT UK 12/17 Smackdown 12/18 TLC 12/20 + Main Event 12/17

Raw:

“This Sunday at tlc, it’s gonna be you and me against Nia and Shayna,” Lana says to Asuka, as a quiet ‘woo’ can be heard in the distance.

Lana facing her fears and fighting Nia Jax makes her the bravest person Asuka knows. Rolling. Fucking Asuka. ASUKA. wwe, stop.

Why isn’t Asuka accompanying Lana to the ring?

I like Lana’s gear.

Joe just compared Lana to a mosquito, goodbye.

Oh snap look how fast Lana did that headscissors takedown. We’re witnessing her progression, ladies and gents.

You know, I knew Lana would win this match, I knew exactly how she would win this match, but jfc what a treat watching it myself. 

Nia’s face lmfao.

Shayna wrecking Asuka so she can’t save Lana from her inevitable fate. Still curious on whether or not this beatdown injured her, if she was injured going into the match, or if it was all really just a storyline.

Yikes this is sad.

Man that leg drop onto Lana’s ankle actually looked kinda wicked, ngl.

*distant woo intensifies*

Wow we got real tears from Lana. Points.

Becky and Charlotte have been gone, Alexa hasn’t been on tv, the Raw women’s championship has become a meaningless prop... what a dead period for this roster.

Hi why is this match happening?

I will never not be impressed by Dana’s entrance.

Is Mandy actually hurt? Why did they take her off tv for so long? Is Shayna the resident kayfabe shelver? “Hey this girl is actually injured, have her written off by Shayna” ?? Cuz I know they’re not splitting Dana and Mandy up, and Dana has been on tv every week since Mandy left. Must be genuine.

These 2 are running roughshod over the entire division at this point.

OH SHIT MANDY’S BACK WITH A KENDO STICK

Lmfao the babyfaces are fucking done with Nia and Shayna. Honestly that’s great, I love it when babyfaces band together to stand up to dominant duos. This has been going on long enough. They took out Mandy, took out Lana, were about to take out Dana. Totally fair.

Highlight: Lana getting a clean win over Nia & being taken out so my queen can return

---

NXT:

It’s a funny thing with Toni and Rhea. Toni says she’s the reason Rhea came to nxt, but she’s also the reason I became such a huge fan of Rhea’s. Heard they were having some big TakeOver match and everyone was always praising Toni. So I checked into Blackpool solely to see what the Toni Storm fuss was about, and I left that ppv solely impressed by Rhea Ripley. Then I took particular notice of Rhea in the Royal Rumble a few weeks later, and I’ve been watching NXT UK for her ever since (til she moved). To see her growth has been tremendous, and she’s so young. Such a bright future.

The music to this is great.

Toni says she isn’t scared of Rhea, as if Rhea’s mere theme music didn’t scare the absolute shit out of Toni the week prior lol.

Toni’s not even a terrible promo, but the timing of her blinks could not be worse. Yes, it matters.

I can’t stop laughing at how fucking intensely Shotzi started this interview.

She does pissed off interviews well. I can feel her annoyance.

Really don’t want to see a Candice/Shotzi feud tbh but okay, I’ll try.

aaand there’s the howl. Awful.

Lmfao Rhea called Toni a piece of trash. This is gonna be interesting to see with the alignments reversed.

I don’t remember who won this match, but I’m betting it was Toni. Which is fair tbh. Rhea is probably on the “put some peeps over before moving up to the main roster” path that everyone in the women’s division walks on. They always eat at least one monumental, or a couple meaningful, loss(es).

Oh man that is fucked up. To not only be forced to continue punching/kicking a human (fun fact: the person on the offense takes quite the damage doing so) but to have the defenseless victim bleed out and beg for you to stop. That’s rough.

This was shot really well. That music holy shit, I’m creeped out. It’s like a horror movie.

I see the point. Numbs him to pain and breaks his will, while numbing her to mercy. Ruthless stuff.

Oh are we finally done with Indi’s neck brace? Cool.

I can’t believe wwe invested in this upgraded tank. I still don’t think it’d work on the MR, but points to the boss for shelling out the cash.

Wtf was that stumble and “fall” by Indi lmao.

If Candice was a real bully, she’d distract Shotzi by fucking with her tank at ringside.

Indi does need a mentor, she’s a hell of a lot greener than my mutuals have made it sound. oof.

Shotzi looks like she has no idea how to work with Indi, and Indi looks gassed, confused, and slow as hell.

All Indi knows it going from spot to spot while Shotzi waits around for her to get there.

Lol Indi failed at getting a dirty win. I don’t really care if this is a part of her The Way storyline, what a mess.

The only redeeming part of this piss poor segment was Theory shaking the troll’s head at Shotzi.

I’ll give wwe an extra $9.99 if they let this match have a clean ending.

“[Rhea] was at one point the biggest superstar in the world,” that isn’t even close to being true because Becky Lynch exists, but I’ll let it slide and pretend you said “in nxt”.

Their paths will be so similar to Becky and Charlotte in the future.

Wow what a sequence. That would’ve received an applause on the MR. Traded headlocks for restholds, threw around their strength, then went into a battle of pinfall reversals. Instead of following that with some stalemate, they didn’t take a breath and proceeded to dance with each other and showcase some chemistry before rolling back into a battle of pinfall reversals. The sequence started with a kick by Toni to Rhea’s midsection, and it ends with a kick by Rhea to Toni’s midsection. Peep that match production, good stuff.

My, my, those slaps to Toni’s back. Whew.

Yeah actually it’s really fucking cool that these 2 get to main event nxt together, come to think of it.

They sell well for each other.

Rhea has the best dropkicks, lesbireal.

Holy shit Toni’s headbutts make my own head hurt. God I wish she wouldn’t. Most people put their hands between the heads so no contact can be made, but Toni’s just like “lol fuck it”

This is a great match. This duo works a lot better with these specific alignments. Watching face Toni try to chop down Rhea is not as good as heel Toni being impossibly hard for Rhea to put away.

Women’s matches and never having a clean ending. Name a more iconic duo. Winter of overbooked women’s matches continues.

Like I had guessed Toni was gonna win anyway, but fucking come on.

*Bonus* online exclusive: Toni says playing by the rules got her diddly and squat, but like... she was a champion lol. “It ain’t even Toni time right now, it’s party time.” Alright.

Highlight: Rhea vs Toni minus the ending

---

NXT UK:

I don’t know why we’re getting Isla Dawn vs KLR but anytime I get to see KLR fight, I’m here for it.

Hell even Isla’s song never kicks it out of first gear. Song has so much potential but it never goes to the next level.

Ahhhh my Scottish queen is here.

No, don’t compare Sasha’s basement meteora to the double knees Isla did. That was pitiful.

Anyway, KLR vs any of the 4hw would be fantastic, take my money. Sasha, Bayley, Charlotte, or the woman KLR wanted to face at TO Dublin, Dublin native Becky Lynch.

That back body drop is horrendous as a finisher. It’s like when Becky won her debut match the exploder suplex. Awful lmao. Imagine if KLR lost to a back body drop ffs.

You don’t get to be this frustrated for not being able to beat the champion when you’ve only been fighting for like 3 mins.

Isla’s pisspoor speed going in the corner, and her pisspoor roll off of KLR’s tornado ddt. Shame.

Such a clean transition from a failed pinfall attempt into a submission by KLR, whew.

This whole match was just a flex by KLR lmao.

There was a time where we had Becky Lynch, Bayley, Rhea Ripley and KLR as our champions. Wow, take me back plz.

The background music of this stupid recording is so unnecessarily dramatic, wow.

All for the delivery of a chair. Of a fucking chair. Piper... shut up and handle your shit.

For someone so much larger than the little man, Piper is insanely unintimidating.

Highlight: I got to see KLR wrestle

---

Smackdown:

Bayley does run her mouth a lot. She’s kind of the EST at saying dumb shit that gets her into trouble lmao.

Bianca is so friggin good at interviews and in backstage segments. She hasn’t received much of a chance to do promos in the ring, let alone obviously to a live crowd, but I hope she shines there, too.

Has Liv reverted back to being a dumb blonde, or is it drugs? Stop letting her speak.

Love Riott Squad’s everchanging gear. Wonder who makes it for them.

Billie Kay claims that she’s a ‘seasoned’ ring announcer, and somehow that would not surprise me.

Tamina “get the fuck out of my face until I get a nap and a vat of coffee” Snuka, everyone.

Lmfaooo Tamina fucking chucked Liv across the damn ring. What a good job by Liv.

Ruby is exceptional at running the ropes. She gets a good spring off of it.

Tamina’s hair is always so beautiful, she gets points there.

Dropkick into a faceplant. Billie Kay gets pinned rofl. She’s so bad at wrestling and yet here I am ridiculously entertained.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Carmella’s current persona, but man I wish she’d come out in a cut off tank top, camo pants, high tops and a printed hat.

I mean people are at home cuz covid, but go off.

Aye putting over Sasha. Good heel Mella.

Sasha has held the title for like a whopping 2 months and we’re already marking calendars. Sad.

In kf, Sasha is kind of mentally weak, so I’ll give Mella that. I’m not sure what it’s gonna take to shake that perception, either.

“Who is Sasha Banks if she’s not the Boss? Who is Sasha Banks if she’s not the best? It’s sad because that’s a question that not even Sasha Banks knows the answer too.” So I get that wwe are trying to help Sasha develop and fight off her past demons, but man these women are ripping her a new one. Sasha’s only 29 so she can grow and develop however she wants, but jeeze. Salt, meet the dagger Bayley stuck in Sasha’s back.

I like Mella cuz she knows how to hype her opponent’s accolades and strengths while cutting an immaculate heel promo where she hits them RIGHT where it hurts. She’s a pro. Heels should take notes.

This music is like the Jazz Vibes playlist I always listen to.

She just called Sasha cheap and frantic lmaoooo

Oh damn Sasha be out here looking like MONEY. That girl has style, even if it doesn’t always hit with me, she got style.

oof the crack of that slap to Reggie.

OOF the crack of the bottle shattering over Sasha’s poor back. rip.

Match at TLC should’ve been a champagne match. That entails whatever your mind comes up with; pouring alcohol on your opponent, dumping their head in a bucket of ice, breaking bottles over spines. It don’t matter.

“You don’t see me going around here bragging about how damn good I am,” lmao WHAT. Bayley is equal parts delusional and obnoxiously annoying.

One size heel does not fit all, but I think her version suits her beautifully.

If I were her I’d pick your brain too, but I’d also want a match, cuz people leave matches with you looking as good as humanly possible. Equal parts selfless as well.

She didn’t lie, this was absolutely her putting Bianca on the map on the main roster.

wwe: wants to strap a rocket to Bianca and make her a star. Also fucking wwe: “lol no we’re not gonna show you her full entrance, cry more scrub.” 

Bayley still looks weird without a title.

Bayley mocks Bianca’s entrance and then gets swept onto the apron lmao. Idiot.

Bianca is a lot of flash and showboating, which is great from an entertainment standpoint, but she needs to do a little... less.

Fantastic snap of the hand against the led board. Bayley wrecking Bianca’s arm gonna hinder the flips.

“I’m the ER. I’m BET-TER. haha.” lmao Bayley is such a fucking dork. Got sent into the ring steps for her bravado. Love that there’s always immediate repercussions for Bayley’s arrogance.

Bayley turned midway going down onto Bianca’s knee for that backbreaker, there. Hope she doesn’t have a massive bruise. Looked like it’d leave a massive bruise.

3 things I’ll apparently never get to see again: Bianca’s hair whip, Bianca’s full entrance, and Bianca’s 450 splash. I’m tired.

These stupid fucking squats while Bianca is dangling off the top rope rofl I swear Bayley is something else. Girl knows how to entertain. “Bayley got a bit cute and Bianca made her pay,” story of Bayley’s life.

Beautiful spinebuster by Bianca. At least SOMEONE in the women’s division will use it.

Bit of a miscommunication there it seems. Bayley goes for a B2B, Bianca tries to block it, Bayley drops down to dodge and go for a cradle. She rolls Bianca all the way back, stands up and hesitates before running at Bianca with an elbow - even though Bianca is not in position to receive it - which Bianca counters by rolling Bayley up, but it was super obvious Bianca was just scouting the next spot. Bianca goes to pick her up for a powerbomb but Bayley has to kick out twice to prevent herself from being pinned while Bianca tries to lift her. That entire sequence was super messy.

Then Bianca nearly drops her lifting her all the way up lol. Yikes. Gotta be pretty fluent to pull that off. Not to plug my fav (but I’m totally gonna plug my fav); it’s a move Charlotte does in almost every match against Asuka or Becky, and you gotta be not only built to pull it off, but you need to have impeccable timing to make the transition look smooth. Extra points if you lift them off the mat RIGHT before a 3 (which Charlotte usually does)

Anyway, good match with a messy last 2 sequences. Bayley did what Bayley does best.

Highlight: Bayley vs Bianca

---

TLC:

They really took Eva Marie and Sasha Banks’ characters and meshed them together while keeping Carmella’s obsession for animal print lol.

Really don’t like that gear. That’s a miss, Mikaze.

Beautiful arm drag. Sasha taking the idea of wrestling like a Lucha more seriously? Cuz she should, ain’t nobody else in the MR doing it.

Commentators say the trash talk is continuing, I say Sasha is quietly leading this match with a grimace. Peeped that “hit me”.

Carmella goes to suicide dive through the ropes just for Reggie to catch her, cept she got caught up and started turning in midair. Would’ve hit her neck and shoulder HARD had he not been there. Great catch indeed.

Sasha “rip my back” Banks.

Not to be douchey, but if you have to adjust your gear in the middle of a match and it’s not just to fill time or be used as character work, then you need to redesign your gear.

Sasha’s a great babyface once that bell rings man. I wish she could carry that energy everywhere.

Holy fuck that facebuster. SPIKED her head, oh my god. I have never seen anyone make a facebuster look so impactful. Points if intentional.

Oh the timing of Sasha blocking that superkick from legit connecting. God she’s good.

You know how I know this is a good match? I’m watching some of these near pinfalls and submissions knowing damn well Sasha’s gonna win, yet my anxiety is still spiking thinking Carmella might walk out with the title. I KNOW she doesn’t though lmao. Good sequences, believable offense, great near pinfalls. They work well together (I’m not surprised, Mella and Sasha both work well with almost anyone)

What a fantastic transition into the bank statement. Points.

That match should’ve ended by dq the second Reggie pulled Mella out. 

Sasha could’ve sold that double superkick pinfall attempt a little bit more.

Carmella having a breakdown. What does that mean? That means she’s about to lose this match lmao. There it is, not even 10 seconds later hahaha.

Sasha sells pain so damn well. Good for her. Good defense of her title. Points to Sasha, she’s phenomenal every time she has an actual match. Post-match and she’s already annoyed me though lol. Ugh. Maybe she’ll get it soon enough.

Nice “replay” wwe. Billion dollar company btw.

Billie, drawing a horizontal line is not how you write ‘clairvoyant’. 

“proficient in Japanese” aw Asuka was so excited for a split second lmao.

Oh no, she made a mask to match Asuka’s with a paper plate. Oh no no no. Travesty. 

Ugh I’m so excited. I’ve already seen this and yet I’m excited. Here we are, the whole damn reason I started catching up on everything I basically refused to watch since June 22.

SHE LOOKS LIKE MONEY, WHEW. The queen IS back. She’s so fucking beautiful man.

Love how annoyed Nia looks. This is your comeuppance tbh. Could’ve just faced a measly Lana, but no, you had to play too much.

Really Charlotte shouldn’t be in the tag division, and really she shouldn’t give half of a fuck about Asuka, but we’ll get to that more in the future since this is already nearly 2 months old.

Nia’s doing a great job selling Charlotte’s return, and she’s not even active in the match rn. She does good work.

Bad camera angle on Asuka hitting the ring post.

Asuka getting wrecked lol.

I really despise that the Raw women’s championship was tied up in all of these storylines that have nothing to do with the Raw women’s championship. The Lana crap, the Charlotte crap, the tag teaming in general crap.

In hindsight, I now find it curious that Ric Flair was in the back for this match. Very curious. I swear, if the past 2 real time months weren’t a part of some master plan the Flairs came up with together, I will be SHOCKED.

Charlotte’s fucking crazy for doing those moonsaults to the outside though, for real. I know she was a gymnast and an exceptional cheerleader, but MAN you could not pay me to do fucking blind back flips that high up. Crazy.

She should’ve given us a spear in this match. I wanna go rewatch her work just to see some spears.

Good match. They needed to not focus on destroying Asuka for as long as they did, pacing was off for a little bit there.

Love how Charlotte sticks her tongue out when she bridges up into the figure 8. She’s such an asshole lmao.

If I could’ve changed one thing about that finish, I would’ve had Charlotte bounce off the ropes before hitting Natural Selection. Other than that, it was great.

Charlotte looks good with a title, idk *shrug*

The way Charlotte looked over at Asuka though. I really don’t trust her in hindsight lol.

Like how this Firefly Funhouse is setting the spotlight on Alexa before Bray takes his leave of absence, only wish she hadn’t missed 2-3 wks of tv.

What a fun way of running a video package.

Inferno matches are insane and I’m not sure why anyone would participate in such.

Think it’s smart they’re both leaving their jackets on tbh.

Alright that was cool. The way Fiend called up the flames was fucking cool. It looks amazing aesthetically. They could’ve never done the set quite like this if there had been fans.

WE HAVE STRAPS?! IS FIRE NOT ENOUGH?!? Man. Randy is a fucking trooper.

Guys. Guys excuse me, that strap is on fire, can... can we not, please??

Man is swinging a god damn pick axe at Randy Orton, I--

I hope that wasn’t actually flammable liquid cuz otherwise Randy is now soaked in it, and that’s insanely dangerous. Oh that’s great editing. So it was flammable, but Randy was out of the chair before the fire rushed at him. Also covered the chair in blood. That was cool.

Orton just pull the damn string out of the jacket real quick lol.

Caught Orton’s attempt at an rko with a mandable claw. Points.

Can someone... put him out? Editing trick? Were the flames real? Am I real??

Shouldn’t the bell ring? Match is over, right??

The dummy was kind of obvious ngl. Not to sound like an asshole, but they should’ve made it a bit thicker and more solid lol. Doesn’t really take me out of it though, cuz even though I’m sure it was a stunt double that got lit on fire by the ramp, someone was on fucking fire, and that’s intimidating in itself.

Also the dummy is melting. I’d say they should’ve used pig meat, but I’m sure vegans and animal rights activists would’ve had a field day writing to Snickers about that.

Was a good match, for what it was. I was entertained.

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

“Nasty Nikki” lol okay.

“The only reason people even know you exist is because you were Alexa Bliss’ best friend,” ouch. Truth is pain.

Ahahahah Lacey has hand sanitizer again. 

Love that submission Lacey jumped into through the ropes, plus an eye rake. Fantastic.

That’s curious. Lacey and Peyton are arguing over the hand sanitizer as Lacey wants to squirt it on Nikki, while Peyton is claiming it’ll get her DQd. Now I’m on Peyton’s side in the sense that it should absolutely be illegal, but Lacey’s done it in a match against Nikki before, sooo ???

I like how Nikki fell trying to get back into the ring before the 10 count. Adds credibility.

Haha Nikki gets the pinfall over Lacey because Peyton was being a nuisance on the outside. Lacey big mad. That’s great.

---

*Smackdown easily shined the brightest in what was a great week of wrestling. Utilized 8 women in 3 different storylines, couldn’t possibly complain about that.

[atiteez]

An Amateur’s Beginner’s Guide to A.C.E

for @neuerstolemynutellas!! 

I got into a.c.e kind of late (which I’m still mad at myself about, like I had made an attempt before lol I’m so dumb), so I’m actually still learning a few things here and there but this is what I have so far!! (this is by no means a full, completely comprehensive guide, so if anyone has any other info or moments they love feel free to send them over!!) 

VERY brief summary off the top of my head: they debuted in 2017 under beat interactive, and their name stands for Adventure Calling Emotions. you probably know at least a little of this, but even though they’re still slept on a bit they’re INSANE performers - so many groups out there are amazing at sharp, coordinated knife dancing but a.c.e takes being in sync and whiplash from how hard they hit dance moves to another level. when mixnine and the unit rolled around, donghun, wow, and byeongkwon went to mixnine, and jun and chan went to the unit. donghun and byeongkwan were actually supposed to debut from mixnine (but we won’t talk about that mess) and chan ended up debuting with unb

there are a bunch of good guide videos out there but here’s one I started with!

so!! a good place to start is their mvs:

Cactus

Callin’

5tar (it’s not an mv per say, they call it a live video, but they really love choices so much and this song shows it <3

Take Me Higher (my personal fav!! like it’s literally one of my ALL TIME favorite kpop songs, it’s beautiful and happy and upbeat and honestly almost makes me cry I lovvv... also the dance practice is AMAZING but we’ll get to that later) 

Under Cover (this one really was what helped the take off earlier in 2019, and for good reason - it just punches you in the face in all the right ways)

Savage 

bonus: I Feel So Lucky - Hcue (this is actually a collab but he reached out to them himself after seeing one of their videos to do it!! which is so deserved. also junhee does many illegal things with his hips in this so. watch with caution) 

extra songs to just hurt you (aka some of my fav bsides, usually with choreo that will melt your insides)

Slow Dive 

Black and Blue (most people know slow dive but this one is really one for dying over because it deserves to be talked about so much more. also this is a wow focus cam but I just. really like junhee’s shirt lol)

Mr. Bass

Do It Like Me 

a.c.e actually started out doing a lot of covers (both singing and dancing) and busking to get themselves out there in the beginning, and they’re kind of sort way too amazing at them... I still haven’t gotten to a lot of them but these are some of my favs so far:

singing covers

Youngblood - 5SOS (probably one of their most well known, and they definitely 1000% killed it they’re all main vocalists frankly)

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Old Town Road - Lil Nas (I have many feelings about this one, I won’t say which way, but they had fun with this one for sure haha)

Last Christmas (if it’s not obvious I’m a junhee sucker oops lol)   

dance covers

Sorry + Gashina + Make It Nasty - Justin Bieber | Sunmi | Tyga (this one... hurts... so muc h... who let them do make it nasty)

Tempo - EXO

We Are the Future - H.O.T

BangBangBang + Good Boy - Big Bang

busking

Take Me Higher compilation (this one is a junhee focus one because my junhee trash is showing again in this guide lol)

Intro + Under Cover (New York)

Savage (Seattle) 

I actually haven’t looked into too many of these yet tbh, but they’ve done so many good covers while busking so they’re all worth looking into!! a lot of people have posted their own fancams of them

and now I have just a bunch of general crack and plain amazingness!! I didn’t want to clutter the lists TOO much since I already provide way too much commentary lol 

2x dancing pros - (1), (2) idk what it is about how a.c.e does it, and, like I mentioned, so many idols are amazing at fast, sharp dancing but a.c.e are... NUTS (the weekly idol ep is a full one even though a.c.e was only on the short beginning segment since it’s the nicest, subbed version out there. amoeba culture has GREAT artists though the whole thing is worth a watch)

PART SWITCH VIDEOS (1), (2), (3) as good as they are at DESTROYING their own choreo, they’re also dorks and they like to do part switch videos and they are SO BAD - aka oh how the mighty fall aklsfjsdkl

fashion kings - (1), (2), (3), (4) this is just random videos highlighting a.c.e’s incredible hot pants and crop tops. from their debut, they’ve had a lot of moments pushing the fashion envelope, and we now we can bask in the glory of all their thighs and midriffs thank you beat interactive stylists alksdfjsdkl

cute animal dance practices - (1), (2) at this point we’ve repeated a lot of songs a few times but if you appreciate hilariously cute animal outfits, a.c.e has the dance practices for you lol 

bonus crack moments: donghun being a savage, roasting junhee, spoiler kings, english pros, getting scared (I couldn’t figure out where to put these lol)

extra: chan in unb (audition + black heart)  this is super super extra, but as mentioned chan made it into and debuted with unb a while back!! this was actually where I first became aware of a.c.e, as it was through him. I don’t want to overload this post much longer, but I included his audition with junhee, and black heart is SO GOOD (also I stand by the fact that I think chan looks like blackberry lemonade in the mv lol)

this was probably way too long now and I talk way too much but I hope this helps!! 

[hazyheel]

Monday Night Raw 5/20/19 Review

We opened with Heyman and Lesnar, who still has that briefcase for some reason. Apparently the two planned this when they saw Zayn beat Strowman on Raw last week. And I guess Lesnar was actually in that match, because of some negotaitions backstage, and I’m glad they addressed it. Heyman cut a really good promo about how both world champions should be paranoid. Seth Rollins then came out. Rollins insulted Lesnar for being a terrible champion. He challenged Lesnar to cash in the contract now, which Heyman desperately tried to stop from happening. But Heyman basically just said that it wouldn’t happen, because Rollins is on their time. Heyman kinda insulted Rollins by saying that he didn’t main event Wrestlemania while his girlfriend, Becky Lynch, did. I didn’t know they were dating, so that was lovely to hear. I’m a sucker for wrestling couples. Anyway, Heyman said that Lesnar may cash in on Kofi as well, because Rollins isn’t worthy of being in the ring with Lesnar. Kingston came out, and said that he doesn’t mind fighting Lesnar, and even challenged him. Heyman said that since both champions were asking Brock for a match, which kinda makes him more important than both titles. He didn’t cash in, but he said that he might at any point in the night.

Backstage, Kingston and Rollins talked to Triple H about what they’d be doing later, which was them teaming up for the main event against Bobby Lashley and Baron Corbin. Ugh.

Grade: B. Super good promo, but it didn’t actually give us anything new. I always love to hear Heyman on the mic, and I like that dynamic where Brock is so important that both champions want to fight him. Its interesting. Honestly, Brock having the title is exciting, because he is an exciting talent. I want to see where this ends up going. Personally, I think Kofi is gonna get his ass beat by Lesnar, because he has a fairytale story that is worth ruining to get Brock over more. Hopefully, that’ll be later rather than sooner.

Then we had Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn. Zayn ran away before the match could even start. They brawled a bit backstage, and Zayn got his ass beat. Strowman was face to face with Bobby Lashley, but they did not come to blows. Strowman literally carried Zayn back to the ring. Zayn kinda had the advantage by the time the match actually started, but Strowman flattened him and hit a running powerslam for the win.

Grade: B+. This whole segment was super fun. Zayn’s acting here, where he was just ridiculously terrified of Bruan was entertaining. I am not usually into this, but the way that Sami sold everything was pretty funny. I don’t think they should make a habit of this kind of thing, but this was good in isolation.

Lars Sullivan then had an interview, which before I even heard I felt was detrimental to his character. Charly seemed really scared, which was good, and then we saw a video package of him since his debut. Charly asked about his goals, but the Lucha House party came out ot interrupt him. They wanted to fight him, and the three of them together were actually able to beat him to the ground. However, one on one he had an advantage. He was able to outlast each other them by waiting for the team to split up and he attacked them one at a time. Sullivan was able to stand tall once again, although not in as dominant a way as at Money in the Bank.

Grade: B-. A discount version of last night, with the added dynamic of the Lucha House Party being able to take down Sullivan when they worked together. But given that I saw it literally last night, I am gonna be a bit harsher.

Next up was Ricochet vs. Cesaro. Cesaro had a new entrance that was very generic. The match happened because Cesaro called Ricochet weak for having his back hurt in the ladder match last night. So naturally Cesaro worked over the back. At one point, Ricochet literally jumped onto Cesaro’s shoulders and then backflipped off of him.  That is insane control from both guys. Ricochet hit an awesome suicide dive, but the spot was kinda ruined by the commercial for the secret life of pets ad. Cesaro was able to get the win here with a neutralizer.

Grade: B-. Not a lot of time here, but some pretty good spots. I think that they can do great stuff together if they are given some faith.

Backstage, Charly interviewed AJ Styles about his loss, and he was pretty humble about his loss. Corbin then showed up and they trash talked back and forth, and it ended with AJ slapping Corbin. Corbin just said that he would pay for that, and then the segment just ended.

Roman Reigns then had a promo, but before he could even start, Shane McMahon came out to confront him. Shane said that he was totally done with the Miz, and he said that he was still pissed about how Reigns attacked Vince a while ago. Reigns then said that he wanted to fight Shane tonight, but Shane refused. Instead, Drew McIntyre came out, and just sorta stood next to Shane for the rest of the promo. However, he then said that he accepted the challenge for Super Showdown.

Grade: D+. This was really boring, and they teased McIntyre vs. Reigns (I still have hope that it’ll be good sometime) and then didn’t give it to us. Figured Reigns vs. Shane would happen at some point, but it will proabably suck unless they give it a stip.

Backstage, McIntyre and Shane were walking around backstage, and Miz confronted them. McIntyre kinda said that he would protect Shane, and then Miz challenged McIntyre.

Next up was the Usos vs. The Revival. Wilder jumped Jimmy before the bell, and then beat the living crap out of him. Jey got a huge hot tag and beat down both heels. Jey and Dawson slugged it out in the middle of the ring at one point, culminating in a double superkick and a near fall. On the outside, Wilder nailed Jimmy with a tornado DDT, and then Wilder got hit with a vicious suicide dive.

Grade: B. Almost a B+, but not quite competitive enough. This really is a dream match, and I cannot wait to see them actually able to cut loose. I want to see them pull off a really good match. For now though, this was the match of the night.

Backstage, Alexa Bliss confronted Nikki Cross about losing the ladder match last week. And then the Revival came in and were being annoying, and then the segment ended.

Then came the firefly funhouse, and all it was was the themsong glitching out a bit.

Then was a moment of Bliss, with Nikki Cross as the guest, as well as Becky Lynch. Lynch was over as hell in this venue. Cross just stood there awkwardly as they talked. Before Lynch could say anything, the Iconics came out. They said she was Becky One Belt, which is still better than most can say. Lynch wasn’t having any of their BS, and actually challenged them to a match for the Women’s Tag Team Championship. Lacey Evans came out and was being mean, and Becky said that she already beat Evans with only half her attention. She then challenged Evans and the Iiconics to a six woman tag. Cross volunteered to be on Lynch’s team, and Becky said that Alexa would also join. Alexa tried to protest, but Lynch told her to stand around and look pretty. I laughed out loud.

Grade: B+. Not quite an A- because it was a little too crowded, and everyone else brought the quality down, but Becky was sure as hell on point during this. She was tough, she was funny, and it felt like one of her twitter wars. I missed this Becky

In the actual match, Nikki Cross was in the ring a little bit, but really was only fighting so that Becky could get a hot tag. Evans immediately left when Becky got in the ring. She beat the crap out of the Iiconics, and she beat them with a top rope leg drop. Bliss and Cross celebrated in the ring, but Lynch just walked out and held her title high

Grade: D. I was going to grade this and the promo at the same time, but this match sucked. The only reason that it got some points in my book was that Becky really shined, and there were some funny moments, like Alexa just drinking coffee on the outside and one point when Becky hit Billie Cay really hard, and Royce yelled her named, followed immediately by a huge “oof” because Becky Knocked her off the apron. Funny, but not good.

Then we had Mick Foley with a huge announcement: the next title in the WWE. He talked about what being a champion meant, and then he brought out the 24/7 title, which is basically a neutered version of the hardcore championship. The crowd knew that too, and they booed. He resorted to saying the name of the city to get a pop.

The inaugeral champion was crowned by a scramble for the belt, and a bunch of the lower card guys ran down to try to get it. Corey was gonna run out and get it, but Cole and Renee told him to sit down. This was just wild and stupid fun, nothing of note really happened. Titus was able to grab it, so he is the first champion. But then Robert Roode ran out and rolled him up, so Robert Roode won it.

Grade: B-. I don’t think the smark in me can give this any higher than a B-. But I loved this to death. It was so dumb and awesome. The promo kinda flopped when it wasn’t the hardcore championship, and I genuinely don’t think that this belt is worth anything, but it is kinda a kick in the ass that will make me want to watch. I think that it’ll be less exciting then the Hardcore championship given the lack of weapon shots to the face and head, but it’ll still be stupid fun.

Next match was Miz vs. McIntyre. I don’t know why this match took place in the dark, but they changed the logo mid show and it made the stadium look a bunch darker. Miz desperately fought against his bigger opponent, trying to take him out at the knees but not really standing much of a chance. Miz continued to work the knee and eventually locked in the figure four for a submission sequence. Miz tried to attack Shane on the outside, but Shane ran away, which allowed him to run back and attack him when the ref’s back was turned. McIntyre followed up with a claymore for the win.

After the match, Shane went for a coast to coast on Miz, but Roman came out to fight him off. He hit McIntyre with a superman punch and stood tall.

Grade: C. This was very meh. Just felt placeholder, and there was no reason for Miz to almost be able to beat McIntyre.

Backstage, Robert Roode ran past Corbin and Lashley, told them they didn’t see him, and then ran again. The rest of the low card chased him, including Drake Maverick, who hurt his back during the scramble cuz Titus threw him out of the ring. He was limping, and just sort of apologized to the heels. I love this belt, it is so dumb.

Samoa Joe then addressed his attack on Rey Mysterio, who apparently was injured during the attack. Basically he said that Mysterio deserved it.

Robert Roode hid inside of R-Truth’s trunk, who was helping him. Then Truth attacked Roode, and won the title. I love this.

And in the main event, Kofi Kingston and Seth Rollins took on Bobby Lashley and Baron Corbin in a no disqualification match. The heels jumped the faces before the bell, and they were tagging in and out for some reason when the match started proper. At one point, Lashley and Corbin were going to superplex Kingston, but Rollins attacked them both with a chair. Kingston was able to get the win with a trouble in paradise.

Immediately after the match, Lashley speared both faces. Brock Lesnar then walked down to the ring, but did not end up cashing in.

Grade: B-. This match was kinda bland, but the no DQ stip was a good change of pace. I liked that, but the match didn’t do much for me. But it was still a cool thing to have in the main event. I definitely never thought that Brock was cashing in, so that didn’t bother me.

Overall Grade: B-, because most of this show was just meh.

Pros: opening promo; strowman squash; usos vs. revival; moment of bliss; 24/7 championship

Cons: shane mcmahon promo; 6-woman tag; Miz vs. McIntyre

[zuka-themed-username]

z-t-review: My Fair Lady (National Tour 2018 w/ Asaka Manato)

After a bit of a delay I’m back with the rest of my reviews from my vacation! Two days after I saw Elisabeth I headed down to Oita in Kyushu to see the final performance of Asaka Manato’s first post-taidan show, My Fair Lady. I am absolutely obsessed with this show/film*, so even if Maa-sama wasn’t in it I think I would have still tried to see it. As my Japanese is not that great I was curious to see if I could determine how they would make Eliza’s Japanese sound different. Would she use Saga dialect, as that’s her hometown? Or some other dialect? Frankly I’m still not sure, but as with my other review I’ll be outlining my experience in randomly ordered bullet points. Let me know if you have any info on what specific dialect might have been spoken!

*Apparently it was performed in the Tokyo Takarazuka Theater in 1963, with a male Henry Higgins! I didn’t think they’d allow that lol XD

-  Maa-sama played Eliza very girlish. The previous time I saw her perform she was the stalwart Russian guy from Land of the Gods, so this was a welcome change, and there didn’t appear to be any discomfort from playing a female role. At times she leaned a bit toward the dumb side, but in a humorous way that played well with the audience. I forget that, given the age of the actresses playing the character in most productions, that Eliza is supposed to be 19-24-ish (it has moved toward older in newer productions I have seen) so I was glad to see a cheery approach, and it allowed for a stronger shift in maturity in the second act.

- I was curious how Maa-sama’s voice would sound - and it was great! Better than the videos online! She could hit all of the notes, though she sounded a tad tired on the highest ones. Not really strained per se, but as if she had been doing dozens of performances in an unfamiliar register, which, of course it was lol. It’s clear that she was really pushing for lower notes in Takarazuka and almost seemingly faked the strain on the ‘higher’ ones (in comparison now not really high at all). I say seemingly faked because she already sounds great in a higher register after such a short time. She has no doubt worked incredibly hard with a vocal coach, and I’m so happy she was able to perform these songs so soon and so well after her graduation.

- One small change however was the final section of “I Could Have Danced All Night”. The final note was shortened in length, though I don’t wholly disagree with just making it shorter in all productions. It’s a tad unrealistic for someone to be singing in an operatic register at 3AM regardless, but to hold that final note for what, four measures? Beyond unrealistic XD.

- Speaking of voices, everyone sounded incredible! Absolutely fantastic singing from everyone. Honestly, the maid/butler choir was distractingly good. This is mainly because

- Only the songs were amplified? They clearly had two audio settings - one to lightly boost the spoken scenes and another to really bump the music and singing. It was great.

- Speaking of which the orchestra was on stage, split in two and elevated on either side, about a full story up. They sounded wonderful; the bass really popped and if I didn’t see them I almost would assume it was recorded.

- The sets and costumes were quite nice, though they were often carbon copies of the 1964 film. No complaints, but I’m always down for new interpretations in design.

- Some notes on translation:

     * For the uncultured accent, “hi” became “shi”. Thus Professor Henry Higgins was Professor Henry Shiggins and I never not found that funny. It also made for a cool stage trick with a lamp. It had a real flame that if you made “shi” sounds into it the flame would not flicker, but if you made “hi” sounds it would. There was then a kotowaza or phrase of some sort that alliterated on the “hi” sound, which of course led to a wonderful gag of Maa-sama nearly passing out trying to get the flame to flicker on “shi” instead. She eventually just blew it out and her look of pride and then embarrassment read from 10 miles away and was fantastically hilarious. In those moments she built instant empathy for Eliza.

     * I’ve not explained the plot of the show at all (apologies) but there are some set phrases that Higgins attempts to drill into Eliza using a xylophone. One of which in English is “how kind of you to let me come”. In Japanese it was “something arigato gozaimasu” and the way Eliza said it, “arigato goseimes” had the audience rolling. She would not drop it - Higgins was borderline screaming “goZAiMASU!” to her response of “go..seiMES!”. No doubt was leaning into it as it was senshuuraku and I was dying. This led to a gag where Higgins shows her cards - a 5 (”go”), a rhino (”sai” but he flipped it to “zai”), and a trout (”masu”). Eliza proudly looks at them and goes, “Go! Zai! Sakana!” And the woman next to me in kimono legitimately guffawed. The audience was all in and I loved it. 

     * One of my favorite songs “Show Me”, starts in English with a very clipped, “Words words words I’m so sick of words!” But “words” in Japanese is “kotoba” so Maa-sama had to cram “kotoba kotoba kotoba” into the same short rhythm and it was a tad clunky. But the energy was still strong and upset so no qualms there. 

     * I’m not a fan of Higgins in general (small wonder in 2018) but I did feel for the (wonderful) actor Terawaki Yasufumi when “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face” started, as that music is ~so~ specific to those syllables the translation simply did not flow well. Again, acting saved the day, and I’d rather a fully translated show then “here’s some random English line and then we’ll explain it with the following lyrics” setup that some Zuka songs have.

- Any moment for dancing was always blown out into full intense segments for the ensemble and it was fabulous. Eliza’s father’s crew was having a blast and I wished they had more time to just trash about on stage. A+

- Also A+, the Ambassador’s Ball was gorgeous, Maa-sama looked ~amazing~. Similarly the Ascot Gavotte cracked me up but the audience did not find “Come on Dover, move your bloomin’ arse!” as funny as I did. Ah well. When Eliza doesn’t stop sharing shocking family gossip though is a universally hilarious moment and Maa-sama’s expressions are priceless. I hoped they filmed it so I can gif the hell out of it.

- As I haven’t really gotten into the plot or characterizations here I don’t want to go on a full analysis on the interpretation of Eliza/Higgins in this story, but I did find that, unlike more recent Western productions which tries to give Eliza as much agency as the plot allows and tends to diminish Higgins, the relationship here between Higgins and Eliza was a bit more romantically-leaning. In the final curtain call Maa-sama and Terawaki Yasufumi who played Higgins did like a fake proposal and lots of “you first, no you go, no, let’s go arm in arm with a head leaning on a shoulder” dealios. It was cute, and audience members were as close to “aww”-ing as they could. It’s not my favorite interpretation, but I think this is the closest I will ever be to experiencing the 1964 film live, which is cool in and of itself. As I listened to the curtain call speech where Maa-sama mentioned how this show helped her post-graduation from Takarazuka, I thought of Sagiri’s first post-taidan show, Woman of the Year, and I realized that both shows have very polite spins on traditional female characters. With her next show after her concert being Sister Act it looks like she’ll continue to kick ass in theater like Sagiri, so I look forward to catching her in more productions in the future.

Next review is either Castle of the White Heron or Thunderbolt Fantasy/Killer Rouge from Taiwan! Stay tuned!

[tellywoodtrash]

kwk lb: aamir khan

every time karan calls this dumbass show of his NATIONALLLLLLLLL TELEVISION, i lose 3 years off my life.

uhhhhhhhhhh karan, you're not a millenial either.

god i cringe every time he tries to appropriate 'millenial culture'. ffs, you're like a decade outside the range.

also fomo is not a disorder, gtfo.

aditya chopra sounds like he's living my his best life.

what do these confessions of his have to do with the damn guest?????

lol thugs as a diwali release. aamir and srk switched their festivals this year.

gotta say aamir looks good. pretentious af, but good.

LMAO SACHAAI SEEDHE BAAHAR KI BRO IM JUST HERE FOR PR.

ugh karan hyping thugs ainvayi mein.

yeah you should be nervous about this movie, aamir. it looks like a spectacular trashfire. oh it'll make money, hundreds and hundreds of crores, but looks like a steaming hot heap of absolute trash.

can't believe aamir and srk have stooped to these kinda garbage movies now.

lmao karan not buying that aamir didn’t do dangal just coz he was “appeasing a certain sensibility”.

so basically a straight ripoff of jack sparrow. like, in every single way.

ugh karan stop kissing ass with the “progressive” shit.

yeah the home situation with reena/kiran is nothing new or interesting, pls move on.

ofc his kids want to be in the movies. do any of their kids not?

damn he sounds like a harsh critic. poor junaid.

UGH I DON'T GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK ABOUT WHAT THESE TWO MEN HAVE TO SAY ABOUT #METOO.

“it's sad that women have had to come out and speak about it to have created this environment.”

YEAH. IT IS. AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT, ASSHOLES? you knew this shit was happening. you always knew. and you did shit. and now for you to sit here and talk about it and gain cool progressive ally points, literally fuck outta here.

forget that song, dil as a movie itself is a misogynist fucking nightmare. he almost rapes her, and then at the last minute doesn't, AND SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM. FOR NOT RAPING HER. LIKE....................

uh huh “SHOCKED” i’m sure.

that it came out. not that it happened.

omfg this conversation is everything i hate about this topic. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE PREY ON YOU? YOU'RE AT THE FUCKING TOP OF TOTEM POLE. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK, AFTER HEARING ACCOUNTS ABOUT SOMEONE, THAT OH HE DIDN'T BEHAVE THAT WAY WITH ME, SO HE ISN'T A PREDATOR? it's like saying oh charles manson didn't murder ME, so he's not a murderer. chutiyaaaa hai kya?

aaaaaaaaaaaaand he's walking away with the credit for “taking action”. amaze. 

and karan and his fucking tone-deafness. jfc what kinda delusion. what it must be like to live life as a privileged man with immense power.

please you fuckers are sleeping well at night no matter what. give me a break.

i'm feeling veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy stabbyyyyyy right now after this fuckall performative garbage of a “segment”.

great sycophantry (that’s a word right?) towards bachchan now. ugh.

yeah bachchan does seem to have that sanki uncle persona, where if he calls, you’re like shit i’ve fucked up. esp. with his saltyass tweets on how no one will return his bday sms's/tweets or some shit. like get over it, grandpa.

ok aamir's pre-release “disorder” sounds like a right fucking nightmare.

blah blah blah is there any juicy goss this ep (that hasn't already been outed in the promos/previews) or should i stop watching already?

karan, if someone is playing THAT hard to get, then you should take the hint that they DON'T WANT to come. 

strong fraternity feeling uh huh. not at all a PR photo op.

yeah of course you and your mid-life crisis don't see any difference between you+srk/ranveer+ranbir

HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU PLUG THE DAMN MOVIE KARAN. WE FUCKING GET IT. THUGS IS RELEASING THIS WEEK. LORD.

ugh this phone game sounds dumb af. it's like the phone a friend in kbc, except utterly pointless.

sorry too much second-hand embarrassment at the prospect of this only. fwding.

koffee shots - aka we couldn't find anyone to come with you in this episode coz no one likes you/tumhara ego kuch zyaada hi bada hai, toh karan has to play the game with you. it’s this show’s version of taking a cousin to prom.

why did they pair katrina with varun next week tho? so random. she could have come in this ep with aamir?

what are these shots of though? like what are they drinking?

lmao aamir laughing at karan's sex injury.

exactly who’s surprised that aamir’s cheated?

sexy intern??????????????? jfc karan.

y’all are grownass men, why the fuck are you still getting hickeys in places ppl can see them jfc.

yeah no one needed to know the shower bs.

of course karan regifts. we already knew from the last ep.

oh ho, malaika's dropped the khan finally.

and karan's indicating she's gonna switch it up for a kapoor. hmmmmmmm.

gotta say she looks amazing. lord may my mallu genes be as potent as hers and lead me to age this well.

aamir rating himself

he seems like a bit of a troll himself, which is why he doesn’t take them seriously. 

ew he smokes a pipe, how pretentious.

i am karannnn: “that was witty?????”

food/sex? “apne ko toh dono chahiye.”

don’t we all, but that was not the question.

god bachchan forced him to join twitter. sach mein he’s one unbearable sanki buddha. 

ugh these answers are so laaaaaaaaame.

HE'S NOT PICKINGGGGGGGG ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HE'S SO ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WITH HIS AINVAYI KA DIPLOMACY

welll done my asssssss. aise hi channe ki jhaad pe chadha rahi hai.

of course karan's an insta-stalker. why's this surprising to anyone?

“i love being followed.” godddddd.

lmao i suspect aamir's laughing coz he knows karan can never give up gossip. ever.

lol shopping ki bhi beizzattti.

awkwardness with katrina impending after that answer.

LMAO LIKE KARAN JOHAR'S EVER BEEN ON THE MUMBAI LOCAL.

real best friend: aditya chopra. hmmmm.  

but does it even count when you're cousins????

sexiest actor: john abraham

lolololol who even cares about HIM anymore???

how can the feeling that someone NEEDS you be... good?

(that too coming from the man who wrote “main kissi ki zaroorat nahi, kwahish banna chahti hoon.”)

WHAT THE FUCK HE PICKED KAREENA OVER TWINKLE

lol he’s prolly changing it to kareena coz she’s in takht and he has to kiss ass to get it done.

idk i feel shakun batra's the most promising outta the three? makes appropriately commercial movies, but pleasantly subversive ones. also gets good performances outta his actors. i think the choice was pretty clear.

FUCKING PICKKKKKKKKKKKKK ONE OF THEM, KARAN YOU ASSHOLE. THIS IS BULLLLLLLLLSHITTTTTTTTT.

LOL AAMIR'S GLEE AT HIS INABILITY TO PICK. 

pft ainvayi mein de diya isko hamper, ofc karan wouldn't take it on his own show. also that bhai answer was lame as fuck.

lmao karan is being salty.

ouff abhi bhi 10 min baaki hai quiz waali bakchodi ke liye.

“i'm not known for my speed.” ... good for kiran, i guess. snort.

“i'm not known for my information.” oh pls karan.

LAY OFF ALIA YOU PERV SHE'S WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU UGH THERE'S MANY OTHER AGE APPROPRIATE ACTRESSES

pffffffft the dumbass pet peeves list. hattt yahaan se, hypocrite.

how are some of these answers “correct”???? like, asking him his preferences? how is there a “correct” answer to those? 

snort aamir trying to psych karan out.

lolllllllllllll aamir's confusion at the concept/existence of a mochaccino.

why do these grownass men not know their warm colours?

THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR HAND PE THARAK KI TARAF KYUN JAATA HAI TUM LOGON KA DIMAAG

HOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SONGS COME THE FUCKKKKKKK ONNNNNNNNN OMG YOU’RE A BLIGHT ON THE NAME OF BOLLYWOOD

wow he picked resul pookutty over bhanu athaiya? surprising.

khud ke show par hi prize le gaya. pft.

some more thugs plugging, blearghhhhhhhhh.

next week looks more fun. lol @ varun and his always wanting to pee. he did that during the FC interview with anupama chopra/anushka too.

lmao sab ko shaadi kab ho rahi hai question. i love varun.

[astrofireworks]

ok so on Sunday my sister and I went to Universal Studios Singapore for her birthday and literally the first thing I thought of was theme park performer!Bin and visitor!Eunwoo so this spilled out 

happy 500 days with astro ~~~

Minion lover Cha Eunwoo

I'm cackling

So the new minion movie just came out and they're saying that the theme park near Eunwoo's place has minion-themed stuff to promote it

Including a giant inflatable minion !!!!!!

And so Eunwoo, our neighbourhood minion trash,

You know

Has to go

And so he wakes up on a Saturday morning, heads over to the theme park and enjoys the minion festivities

Unironically because he's lee dongminion

And because he's bought the ticket already he figures he might as well enjoy the entire theme park so he grabs lunch and goes around to the different attractions

Until he comes across a stage

Street performer Bin

Has a showtime every hour or so, depending on the crowd & depending on his boss

Performs on the main stage right near the entrance

Mostly does dance and damn he's good at it

He & his crew (Rocky, Hoshi, Dino, Chani) do a five minute routine every showtime and they get thunderous applause every single time & usually almost half the crowd is filming them

The other half being kids who scream and clap in delight

And a small handful of teenage girls who also scream and clap in delight

Gets hungry after every single show

Dino gets alarmed sometimes because "bin are you sure you can eat all this before the next show?"

Finished everything every single time & gets hungry right afterwards too

Basically a food black hole bless his soul

Rocky doesn't even get surprised anymore when he looks at bin's table and he's polishing off two full meals for lunch

Does extra shows after their own five minute segments just for fun

Steps off the main stage & just dances freestyle slightly to the right

Sing sometimes too or beatboxes so the rest of his friends can dance

You know how there are queues to take pictures with characters and stuff like shrek or the minions or stuff

Yeah people queue up to take photos with the dance crew

Most of them being young kids beaming in excitement and Chani also beaming in excitement because he is also a young child

I love him so much stop me

But also some of them being Smitten™ fangirls who giggle their way through the photos & press numbers into their palms

But Bin always palms them off to Hoshi and Rocky because there's really only one person he wants a phone number from

Every Saturday there's always this one guy who comes

It's always during his two o'clock show and again during his six o'clock show

And the first time he saw him Bin fumbled and missed a step

Essentially the first mistake he's ever made on stage so he sat down afterwards sweating over it

Even though literally nobody else noticed because Hoshi was in the centre being spectacular and he was exiting stage right

Like "why did I make that mistake omg" and "it was beCAUSE OF THAT G U Y" 

hold up Bin what

literally the first image replaying in his head after the stage is that guy's face

Bin didn't get a clear look because he's been spinning around stage and because said guy was half hidden behind a bunch of giggly girls but he got a short glimpse of clear bright eyes, a half smile and carefully ruffled hair in a white shirt

And it's that image of an angel that stays with Bin through his three, four, five o'clock shows because wow he has never seen someone who could make him mess up his steps like that

How annoying, Bin tells himself, what a terrible guy

Until he sees him again at his six o'clock show, this time in the front row, grinning, one hand on the strap of his backpack and the other in a pocket and a thin silver chain around his neck that disappears into the v of his collar

And wow his face is easily one of the best??? looking ????? ones ????????? Bin has ever seen ????????

And judging from the girls nudging and whispering beside him it's easily one of the best looking ones everyone and anyone has ever seen

And he nearly misses a beat staring but Dino brushes by him and he moves right back in place

But the whole dance he's staring at the angel and gets startled every time the angel meets his eyes and smiles

And dammit Bin is blushing

I mean everyone else thinks it's because of the heat and because Bin is dancing but Bin knows

And his face is flushing and dammit Bin shouldn't be affected !!!!!! because he's on stage and dancing and shouldn't be distracted !!!!!

But two can play at this game bitxh

So he throws a wink and a grin in the angel's general direction when he's in the centre

You know

This one 

And watches the man flush and bite his lip and look down

And also hears the very audible swooning of the girls next to him because they think it's meant for them

But yes the man leaves right after even though Bin was keeping an eye out for him so he could catch him after the show

And so Bin resigns himself to seeing that beautiful smile in his dreams and only in his dreams

Because ??? Literally there's probably no chance he'll ever see this beautiful man again

Until the next Saturday at two o'clock when he shows up again

Bin truly wants to scream

He's in a soft blue button up this time, thin and light enough for the weather in a theme park but somehow structured enough to make his broad shoulders seem endless and for him to look soft and boyfriend and he's smiling gently waiting for Bin to start his stage

Wait

Boyfriend

What

Bin, stOP IT

But as usual he disappears before Bin can get off the stage to talk to him so Bin just cries internally in despair

I mean there's always the six o'clock show right

But the moment Bin finishes his stage he sees a soft blue shirt detach itself from the crowd and drift off towards the theme park exit and he feels his heart sink in disappointment

And so Bin goes through the motions of pictures and smiling and thanking people for their support then flops over to the closest refreshment stand because boy he needs a drink

Because wow chances are that if that man's already come two weeks in a row to enjoy the theme park it's unlikely he'll ever come again

He'll never see that man again

Oh well

And our son just looks so mopey that MJ hands him a turkey leg and a Coke and pats him on the head

And because this is MJ he obviously asks about it

what a sweet caring bean

But when Bin refuses to speak about it MJ just sagely nods and whacks his friend on the head

MJ: "is it boy trouble or"

Bin, muffled through a mouthful of meat: "shussup"

MJ, loudly cackling because if anything that's a sure confirmation

Sanha sticking his head out from where he's manning the minion booth beside MJ's food cart

"HYUNG HAS A CRUSH???"

Cue teasing-fodder-hyenas Hoshi, Rocky, Dino and Chani leaping into Bin and Sanha and yelling at Bin to spill

Bin sensibly yelling back that he'll probably never see that guy ever again because this is a theme park, dammit, nobody comes more than twice a month because the tickets are too bloody expensive

MJ whining sadly about lost love and the boys all awwing at Bin

And so they all go back to their daily lives, Bin quickly forgetting the man in favour of focussing on dance routine and new pranks to pull on his crewmates

Until

You guessed it

Eunwoo makes an appearance for the third Saturday in a row

And when Bin steps on stage his eyes are caught by a small silver flicker and large bright eyes curved in a smile

And so he grins brightly at the angel because goddammit he isn't letting this angel fly away again because third time lucky right?

Wrong

Right after the performance comes to a close Bin slips off the stage and towards the angel

Who has his arm around the shoulders of another guy

Bin

Is

Crushed

He has never once entertained the idea that angel boy might be taken, that someone else might have been wowed the same way he is, that someone else might have courted this man first

And now that he does, he feels disappointment and a vague sense of despair welling up in his heart and elbows and eyebrows and everywhere

He truly thought he was going to talk to that man today

But I guess not

And so he skips his post-performance snack and sits, huddled in a corner of a room looking in the mirror because that man the angel had his arm around?

He was beautiful

Large brown eyes with beautiful eyesmiles, bright grin, sharp jawline, sun that could power a village for five years (MJ claims this one though, Bin thinks his smile could power one for at least seven years), cute mole beneath his lip and matching silver chain

Bin might have the body honed by dancing endlessly daily for more than half his life but

Wow this boy is truly beautiful too

The both of them are

and MJ and Rocky are waiting at MJ's refreshment stand, waiting for Bin to come out and claim a bag of potato chips

But he doesn't

And it’s when Rocky walks into their shared prep room with a bag of chips to dangle in Bin's face he sees Bin staring despondently at a mirror

"It was a dumb crush anyway it wasn't going anywhere"

"Wait hyung what"

Bin, startling: "wAIT"

Rocky: "YOU MEAN ANGEL BOY CAME AGAIN????"

Bin, sulking: "yeah? Him and his boyfriend?"

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky:

Rocky: "Oh my god you're jealous"

"Ur jealous aren't u"

"Oh my gOD HAHAHHA" (loud smiley park minhyuk laughter)

Ok but rocky isn't an entire lil shit he hugs Bin, pats him on the head and tells him it's alright

But he's still a lil shit so he opens Bin's bag of chips and eats that

And Bin gets up and chases Rocky around the room and suddenly just like that, with Bin running after Rocky and Rocky cackling and trying to stuff as many chips in his mouth as humanely possible, the atmosphere is alright again

Bin performing at all his shows with a lighter heart because screw that beautiful human he doesn't need to see his beautiful face and beautiful smile every day to be happy

And right at six o'clock he sees angel in the crowd waiting and bin makes sure he does extra good !!!!

And because he's not a little bitter or anything he totally doesn't wink in the angel's general direction

And keep his eyes trained on the angel's just to see how much he can make him blush

Nope

Not at all

Eunwoo blushes a lot

Eunwoo, for once, not disappearing after the performance

Because goddamn he got a season ticket to come to the theme park for a reason and that reason was to enjoy the dance performances (and also the minion parades)

And to talk to Dance Boy !!!!

And Jinjin wouldn't let him disappear anyway

Jinjin didn't buy a ticket to not see the boy eunwoo's been moping over for the past two weeks

"his smile is so bright jinjin"

"he wore a sleeveless black tank today his arms were amazing jinjin"

"his eyes are the shiniest jinji-"

Jinjin @ eunwoo: O MY GOD SHUT UP EUNWOO IF YOU WANT TO DATE HIM JUST ASK

"but he's beautiful, jinjin, you have to see him when he dances, I'm like nothing compared to him I'll never stand a chance" 

yeah right Eunwoo jinjin doesn’t believe you he's going to see for himself

and so jinjin: ok fine I'll buy a ticket and suffer through the minioning to see this angel myself

But in the mean time shUT UP ABOUT DANCE BOY OR I'LL STUFF UR FACE W SO MANY MARSHMALLOWS SO YOU'LL NEVER SPEAK AGAIN

Eunwoo shaking nervously and Jinjin squeezing his hand supportively before letting go quickly

He's pretty sure the reason why Dance Boy disappeared so fast from the stage was the fact that he saw Eunwoo's arm around his neck

I mean, Eunwoo was trying to keep him from yelling out Eunwoo's number at Dance Boy but Dance Boy probably doesn't know that

And so he doesn't want to give Dance Boy the wrong idea !! Because no matter how much Eunwoo whines Jinjin is a Good Friend !!

And so Jinjin gently pushes Eunwoo towards Dance Boy when the stage nears its end because there's no way he's wasting his ticket without a result

And so after the last beat ends Bin finds himself thanking the audience and coming off the stage

To run right into Eunwoo

"Um"

Wow Jinjin was right Dance Boy really looks like a cat up close

Beautiful, Eunwoo thinks

He watches Bin's cautious smile morph into one with slight worry and remembers that ???? He gotta respond

What a dude

"Um, hi."

Wow what ????? Angel Boy has ???? An angel voice ?????

A voice ???? He wouldn't mind hearing every day?????

first thing when he wakes up in the morning, last thing at night before he sleeps ?????

Dammit Bin sTOP

"I think you dance really w-"

"Thanks for coming every we-"

Both of them stopping flustered because wow what

Eunwoo being horrified because wow #EunwooExposed Dance Boy knows he's been coming every week so much for being "unremarkable" Eunwoo

Bin blushing because wow the angel thinks he dances well??????

Rocky hysterically laughing in the background

"Yeah I come every week to watch y-"

"I think your face is really nice to-"

Someone save Rocky he's wheezing on the ground

Chani hugging his stomach because ‘your face is really nice’ incredible, Bin, 

Jinjin torn between eavesdropping and wanting to hide himself in the ground because holy heck eunwoo's so embARRASSING

Hoshi finally stepping in because while he loves Bin Hoshi truly has no sense of self preservation whatsoever

"Hi I suggest you two fuck"

Brb gotta save Dino he's on the floor wheezing too

Bin spluttering "hyUNG"

Jinjin adding "well I don't disaGREE EUNWOO WHAT DO YOU SAY"

Eunwoo coughing and blushing and being slightly scandalised and planning ten thousand ways to kill Jinjin in his head 

and finally responding "well, perhaps a date first? or perhaps i should know your name first????"

Bin, shaking,

Chani helpfully supplying, "his name is Bin and his shaking means yes”

thanks Chani son 

Jinjin slightly panicking and going “WAIT BIN”

everyone turning to Jinjin 

“THERE’S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE THIS CONTINUES”

baby Bin’s eyes widening in alarm because what if this ‘thing’ is that Eunwoo is actually a serial murderer and is secretly our to kidnap dance crew members and 

ok bin firstly he wouldn’t tell you if he was a murderer

“the real reason why eunwoo got a ticket to the park was because he has a min-”

eunwoo, eyes widening lunging to cover jinjin’s cackle: “OH MY GOD SHUT UP” 

jinjin, screaming at the top of his lungs: “A MINION OBSESSION”

bin, mildly terrified,

but yes fast forward two months into the future,

Bin and Eunwoo going on dates that don’t involve the theme park 

Bin still performing his heart out every Saturday for Eunwoo

Eunwoo making good use of his one-year season pass and visiting his boyfriend 

Eunwoo sitting near his boyfriend’s stage with a cup of coffee and a book and whiling his day away people watching and Bin-watching 

and well, minion-watching 

Eunwoo defending his boyfriend from overly enthusiastic stans by appearing almost silently with a hand on Bin’s elbow, smiling slightly coldly 

Bin appearing in between shows to surprise Eunwoo (read: steal his coffee & steal kisses) and generally reminding other staring theme park visitors that Eunwoo is his and not a theme park attraction thank you very much

(hisses) i never want to see another minion in my life 

[wrestlinghasmelike-blog]

Smackdown Live review- November 14, 2017

My second review is here! I’m exhausted, but I’m happy I will have this up tonight! 

Please please please please let me know what you think of these reviews! Any type of feedback, positive or negative, is appreciated! Feel free to comment, give this a heart, or send me a question or ask about your thoughts on the show!

Overall, I thought the show was a little lackluster. It didn’t really stand up to Raw last night, but the matches were mostly solid.

Opening segment- Shane McMahon

I thought that this was a little weird, or it just didn’t make sense. Having a pep talk backstage in catering with big microphones just seemed…strange I guess? Why didn’t Shane do this in the ring? Did they really need all the superstars there to have their own mics? I guess they were making room for Daniel Bryan, who made a good point about his position at Smackdown. I think that Bryan is the perfect person to represent Smackdown because just like him, it’s the underdog show. Smackdown sometimes has a lot to prove and has to really step up its game since Raw is such a huge show. I had to take my dog outside to go to the bathroom, so I kinda missed the AJ hype, but I’ll live. Brock is most likely going to win that match on Sunday..

On Sin Cara/Baron Corbin

This is another thing I don’t get, or care for to be honest. Like I said yesterday for Raw, there isn’t enough hype for the United States/Intercontinental Championship match for Sunday, and I think it’s hurting the match. Baron Corbin is not my favorite, but neither is Sin Cara. Where did Sin Cara come from? His name hasn’t been anywhere for the last couple of years, and now he has this feud with Baron and is in the U.S Title picture? Congrats to him for being on air and getting this push, it just seems kinda out of nowhere to me. The size difference between these two guys was very noticeable during the match, and it made Baron seem a little…dumb? He just looked like a big goof, but he really did sell Sin Cara’s moves and did what he could, so I say great job to both of these guys for putting together this match.

On Charlotte/Natalya

I’m a little surprised that they had two title matches back to back. If anything, this match should’ve been the main event, considering they were in Charlotte’s hometown, and they had her win soooo. And all the women on this roster have proven time and time again that they are main eventers, so they definitely would’ve put on a great match. I personally loved this title reign for Nattie, she’s so great. It’s been a long time coming for her, and she deserved to be holding that title around her waist. I’m happy to see that she’s doing well. There were a couple spots in this match that Charlotte seemed to flub, and if she’s still got nerves like these, then she needs to maybe take a step back. There were a couple times where Nattie could’ve broken her neck, and maybe this is on both women? But I kinda expected better technical wrestling out of both of these women.

I am glad to see that Ric made it to the show and seems to be doing well. It was sweet of him and Charlotte to have that moment after she won. Congrats to Charlotte.

On Chad Gable/Jimmy Uso

The greatest part about this match was the mic time that the Uso’s had before the match started. They do great heel work and are so great at trash talking, ugh I love it. I was not interested in this match at all, mostly because it felt like boring filler to me. Gable won, moving on..

On New Day/Owens and Zayn

The mic time for New Day at the beginning was great. Thank god all three of those men know how to entertain a crowd without being gross or stupid. They do great work! Sami Zayn coming out and dancing to KO’s music is the best thing ever. His heel character is the best heel work I’ve seen in years, and I can’t wait to see where he goes with this. I love seeing Owens and Zayn as a team again. They have great chemistry, and they know each other so well. It’s awesome that this is a thing again. There were also some great moves in this match! All really great wrestlers here

THEN THE RAW INVASION

I’m super happy that Raw came and invaded, they maybe saved the show here. I like that they saved the Raw invasion for the Smackdown before Survivor Series. They really hyped it up. And we got to see Finn on a Tuesday! A rare but welcomed sighting for sure. I feel blessed lol

Stay tuned for my NXT review tomorrow, and more stuff throughout the week! 

-Casey

[whiskeyshotsintheparkinglot]

I don’t read a ton of record reviews or any message boards or forums so I don’t always really know how a record is received by the masses.  There’s been albums that I couldn’t stand by bands I love that I just figured disappointed the rest of their fans as well only to later find out later that a large segment regard it as one of their best.  Or at least I read somewhere people do.  A good example is Touche Amore’s “...Is Survived By”.  “Parting The Sea Between Brightness and Me” is one of my favorite records and “...Is Survived By” was just...I don’t even know.  I guess the best word would be “boring” which is never how a good hardcore band should be described.  Thankfully they returned to form and more with “Stage Four” but in the press leading up to “Stage Four” I kept reading how highly praised and loved “...Is Survived By” was.  I don’t know where or by who but it was and my not liking the album apparently wasn’t enough to stop their momentum.

The Menzingers last album was “Rented World”, their second for Epitaph after the almost instant classic “On The Impossible Past”.  And again, I don’t know how everyone feels, but the album hit my ears with a giant “CLUNK”.  It has it’s moments, “I Don’t Want To Me An Asshole Anymore” is one of their best ever and there’s a lot to like in songs where they explore new territory like “Transient Love” and “Where You Heartache Exists” but on the whole it was a decent sized disappointment for me. 

So for me “After The Party” is a return to form, or better yet it defines what that form actually is.  As great as their albums have been, they’ve also worn a lot of their themes on their sleeves and at times it could sound like listening to a band going for a sound instead of finding their sound.  Maybe that’s what they were trying to do with “Rented World” and just missed the mark.  “After The Party” sounds like the culmination of the best parts of their previous albums and is their first album where if someone asked me what it sounds like I’d say “It sounds like...um...well it just sounds like The Menzingers”.

The first three singles are all album highlights and these are the other three songs that immediately stood out to me after listening to it on repeat the last few days.

The Menzingers - Tellin’ Lies

Oh yeah, oh yeah, everything is terrible Buying marijuana makes you feel like a criminal When your new friends take a joke too literal Making you feel like the bad guy Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Oh yeah, oh yeah, all hope abandoned I'm not young enough to be a companion Not old enough to be a guide with a cliche Time to try Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Everyone's asking me over and over The decade taken hostage by my own guilty conscience When you gonna quit this nonsense? Everyone's asking me over and over But I don't mind telling lies Oh yeah, oh yeah, let's go to Vegas Put it all on black and get married by Elvis If we wake up broke, we'll be fine We'll get rich in another lifetime Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Where are we gonna go now that our twenties are over? Everyone's asking me over and over The decade taken hostage by my own guilty conscience When you gonna quit this nonsense? Everyone's asking me over and over But I don't mind telling lies, lies That tension you can cut with a knife Like a wedding ring that never fit right Like a car alarm that won't stop howling A decade lost in the motions to romance and cheap whiskey The subtle sound of a fleeting feeling Like four chords that don't love you no more In a motel room, a sleeping bag on the floor 'Cause they're all the same Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) Things can't change 'cause they're all the same (Telling lies) 

The Menzingers - Midwestern States

I hope this isn't a burden Thanks for having us over We could sleep on the couch We could sleep on the floor We would leave before you even noticed we were here Even notice us at all Been having problems with our landlord He said he's taking us both to court She got her hours slashed And my unemployment's drying up fast We both got worthless diplomas from worthless universities Two bachelors in worthless studies But at least it made our parents happy And cost a whole lot of money You said LA's only two days if we drive straight Damned if we get tired Said you didn't mind stopping just as long as we got out of the midwest states The midwestern states The midwestern states The midwestern states The midwestern states But I know somewhere in Chicago where we can stay for a little I hope this isn't a burden Thanks for having us over Most nights we always fall asleep with something dumb on Netflix Some nights trash reality or kids cartoons or shitty documentaries Not perfect but we're good together Yeah, me, you, and our bad tattoos Yeah, all our stick and pokes, all our inside jokes We'll regret them when we're dead and sober But we're still breathing and the party ain't over You said LA's only two days if we drive straight Damned if we get tired Said you didn't mind stopping just as long as we got out of the midwest states You said LA's only two days if we drive straight Damned if we get tired Said you didn't mind stopping just as long as we got out of the midwest states The midwestern states The midwestern states The midwestern states

The Menzingers - Your Wild Year

Long for the words with hearts and wings Something familiar when you miss everything You rest your head against the window pane Feet on the dash through the steady rain I drove you home while you slept in the front seat After a show at the Stone Pony Watch you awake so god damn sweetly Over the Walt Whitman Bridge back to Philly I toss and turn at four in the morning Petrified of where our future's going 'Cause you're the kind of girl that deserves the world I'm just the kind of guy that promises the world So I fix a drink nice and strong in the kitchen Something quick that'll cure my conscience Creep back to bed and I kiss your forehead Maybe everything is fine and it's all in my head A little Irish in your blood A little Polish in your name A little Boston in your attitude Just the way you were raised A little Irish in your blood A little Polish in your name A little Boston in your attitude Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised We drove up to Massachusetts together Your old house was just like you remember We stayed in your adolescent room Rummaged through the boxes labeled "former you" The souvenirs of happiness in the moment Your wild years that you often mention The sands of time in an hourglass That you're always begging for back I got drunk in the afternoon with your father in the living room As the television broke the silence You smiled, know that I was trying the best that I can do A little Irish in your blood A little Polish in your name A little Boston in your attitude Just the way you were raised A little Irish in your blood A little Polish in your name A little Boston in your attitude Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised Just the way you were raised

[conservativefreepress]

New Post has been published on Conservative Free Press

New Post has been published on http://www.conservativefreepress.com/politics/desperately-defending-china-the-american-media-should-be-ashamed/

Desperately Defending China: The American Media Should Be Ashamed

At a time like this, you almost expect clueless liberals like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Linda Sarsour, Rep. Ted Lieu, and others like them to focus on the “racism” of blaming China for the coronavirus. That’s the kind of chucklehead nonsense that rattles around in their lower-functioning brains. It would be like blaming your dog for eating too much in a single sitting. Dumb people are going to say dumb things. To expect anything more would be madness.

But the rush to defend China in the face of the indefensible isn’t just limited to the known idiots of our society. It’s all over the media – Democrats and pundits desperately slinging identity politics and Chinese propaganda in order to prop up Beijing and tarnish American conservatives. Is this just another example of how badly Trump Derangement Syndrome infected the nation even before COVID-19 got here? Or is there something even more sinister at play?

Look what they were doing on Tuesday’s CBS Evening News: Devoting a whole segment to praising China for how they “attacked” the virus and stopped it from spreading. What? Why would anyone give Beijing credit for that after they spent the crucial first month of the disease trying to cover it up? Are we just going to forget about that part? Are we just going to ignore the fact that the nation’s reprehensible food safety regulations (or lack thereof) caused this disease in the first place?

“In China, the government attacked,” reported correspondent Ramy Inocencio. “In the epidemic’s heart of Wuhan, city officials built two hospitals with more than 2,000 beds in the span of a few weeks. To stop the spread, a massive lockdown radiated out to nearly 60 million people across central China.”

First of all, this is nonsense. China locked down Wuhan and went on the “attack” against the coronavirus only after denying it was even a thing for more than a month. Hell, they were on their way to imprisoning a doctor speaking out on the crisis. Sadly, that doctor died before Beijing could punish him for telling the truth.

But sure, let’s praise China for getting out ahead of this virus that has now infected more than 200,000 people worldwide. That makes sense.

Or how about this other ridiculousness, where you have pundits like MSNBC’s Karine Jean-Pierre sounding the alarm over President Trump calling it a “Chinese virus.”

Look at the hysteria she was spreading on Tuesday: “I wanted to say the xenophobia and the racism in outbreaks is such a common thing. We’ve seen it in past health outbreaks that we’ve seen in this country’s history. The problem is it’s coming directly from the President of the United States. And it is incredibly dangerous, it is problematic, and it is scary. And I just really want to call that out because you do have people in the Asian-American community whose lives are at risk. And for the President to call it a Chinese virus or a foreign virus, that is not — it’s just so dangerous and not a good thing to do, obviously.”

Please note that there have been exactly zero documented cases of American racists punishing Asian-Americans for the coronavirus. It’s made up, just like 90% of the “hate crimes” we’ve seen in the Trump era. This is just another excuse to defend China and trash the president.

We need to get these idiots off the air.

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[ecotone99]

[SF] The Gulf | Ep. 4: Elba

After about three hours on the airship flying towards the center of the Gulf of Mexico, I almost can’t believe my eyes.

​

It’s… beautiful!

​

This prison island is breathtaking.

​

It’s shaped like a crescent moon. But it isn’t flat. The back is a high hillside, and slopes down towards the bay inside the crescent.

​

It reminds me of an Irish coastal island, especially because of how green it is.

​

All up the hillside, the sun reflects off glass windows of buildings dotting the hillside like rhinestones. They look half-buried in the hillside.

​

I guess I should have checked out the website.

​

Flying lower now, I see that the entire bay is closed off.

​

The tips of the crescent get thinner and thinner until floating structures connect them. They look moveable so boats can get into the bay. But the segments form a metal road. A vehicle could drive the entire circumference of the island and bay.

​

In the center of the crescent island, on the bay, are big docks. There are a few small boats, a larger passenger boat, and some sort of large shipping barge. Behind that is a warehouse-like white building with metal siding that you might expect to see at a port. On the side is written in big black letters: Elba. I see a flagpole flying a triangular black flag with a white scale of justice on it.

​

Everyone else on the airship is either a worker or a visitor. I know because they have clearly labeled sections for us to sit in. I’m alone in my section, and keep getting judgy glances from the sparsely populated visitor/worker section.

​

We land on the other side of the building in a designated area surrounded by chain link fencing.

​

There is a sprawling Spanish style white stucco building that was hidden by the warehouse. We enter here to go through the formalities of establishing my new life on Elba.

​

“So what do you do, commute in on an airship everyday?” I ask the guy who just scanned my fingerprint.

​

“No I live here,” he says.

​

“Guards live here?” I ask.

​

He smirks, “Most of the jobs here are done by prisoners. Yes, even some of the security procedures are inmates’ responsibilities. The warden can answer any questions you have,” he nods towards the guy who just entered the room, carrying a tablet.

​

The warden is certainly not the hardened military figure I expected. His dark blond, almost reddish hair is not close cropped, but allowed to twist and curl as it sees fit. He has sandy skin and prominent dimples. Blue eyes too, which you don’t see too often these days.

​

He smiles and holds out his hand for an introduction. I’m already getting a cringy camp counselor vibe.

​

“So this is the main compound,” he explains as he walks me out a door, and out of the secure fenced in area outside. “It’s where most the prisoners live and it houses the offices. It is also where you will find the commissary, cafeteria, and gym. You are free to come and go as you please from those and other non-secured areas. Follow me up this path and I’ll show you your neighborhood.”

​

As we meander along the path’s switchbacks up the hillside, the landscaping actually rivals the flora on my parents’ platform. It isn’t quite as lush or full, and I notice a few of the more expensive plants are absent. But overall, the vibe is more resort than prison.

​

After about five minutes of me zoning out to the warden’s babbling, the trees open up and we come out to a clearing with an amazing view looking down the hill towards the bay. There is a pavilion with an outdoor kitchen, bathrooms, and plenty of picnic tables. There’s even a fire pit with a suspended chimney to capture the smoke.

​

A handful of guys are hanging out at a table, and someone is doing his own thing in the kitchen area behind the counter.

​

“These are some of your new neighbors,” the warden smiles, sweeping the room with his hand.

​

The guy in the kitchen doesn’t even turn around. The guys at the table look at me but say nothing.

​

After a few seconds one of them manages a bored, “What’s up?”

​

I nod.

​

The warden commences his blabbering something about all the pavilion rules and expectations. Another guy gets up and walks up next to the warden, looking over his shoulder at the tablet.

​

Something seems to spark his interest, and he reaches forward and takes the tablet out of the warden’s hand. This had some sort of force to it, yet it was entirely controlled and smooth.

​

“Hey!” The warden says indignantly but doesn’t actually make a move to take the device back. “Crenshaw.” he says, like a father trying to be stern.

​

Crenshaw, a tall husky man with a red face, is clearly not expecting any kind of response from the warden, since he doesn’t move away, or even shoulder the warden out of reach. He just starts reading.

​

“Oh my God, this kid’s hilarious!” Crenshaw says with a New England accent, “You know what he did? He trashed some dumb statue that belonged to Francesco, that weird fucker who owns Paradisia.”

​

“It wasn’t inten–” I start.

​

“Aw I hate that douche!” Someone at the table says.

​

Hey maybe I’ll be popular here.

​

“Hey, wait a minute. I know you! Isn’t your dad Ollie Mercury, the dealer?”

​

“Yeah,” uh-oh, is this attention I want?

​

He looks at me suspiciously. No, surprised, eyeing me with curiosity.

​

“Your dad could have bailed you out of this in a second.”

​

“Believe me, I know.”

​

Someone else, “You mean your dad just abandoned you to prison for, what, vandalism?”

​

“Prison camp,” corrects the warden, who has abandoned any attempts to get his tablet back at this point. “At least he booked you a cabin.”

​

“What?”

​

“Yeah, you’re dad covered the upcharge for a cabin instead of the dormitory.”

​

I’m not sure how to feel about this.

​

The warden recruits Crenshaw, an older guy named Eric and a younger guy Brenton to show me the ropes. We’re walking up to my cabin now.

​

“This place wouldn’t be so bad if we had some drinks,” I say to Eric.

​

The warden chuckles, “Well, you know we believe our no alcohol policy helps you stay focused to get the most out of your experience here.”

​

“Don’t worry we have booze here kid,” Eric says. “Come over to cabin 8 when you get settled.”

​

“What? Eric!” the warden whines. “Come on, are you serious? You aren’t supposed to have alcohol.”

​

The other guys laugh. Eric speaks calmly and quietly, but with confidence. He’s probably in his sixties, with mostly gray hair, trimmed beard and mustache. His eyes are almost bored, or knowing.

​

“You guys are lucky it’s me in charge here!” The warden retorts in typical camp counselor style.

​

We’re walking uphill, and have left most of the tree cover behind. Now there are switchback gravel paths, with scattered cabins here and there. Around each cottage are a few trees, and other shrubs.

​

We stop outside cabin 12, which has a low stone wall surrounding the front yard. When I turn around, I realize the view is amazing.

​

The warden sees me looking off to the horizon.

​

“Faces southeast, so you’ll wake up when the sun rises,” he says with pep. “Best way to have a productive day. Here is your key, and I’ll leave you in the capable hands of these fine gentlemen. Come by my office tomorrow morning at 0900 for orientation.”

​

Then the warden is off, walking back down the paths.

​

And suddenly I realize I am on my own, with three convicts, who are all staring at me expectantly.

​

“Um,” I say.

​

Crenshaw takes the key from my hand and lets himself in. The other two follow. Hesitating, I trail behind them into my new home.

​

It’s a cozy studio style cottage, half built into Elba’s manmade hillside. There is a sleeping loft above the small kitchen and bathroom, which take up half the cottage. The southern half is a living area full of huge windows, including glass doors which lead out to the deck.

​

It’s pretty sparsely furnished. There is a bed up on the loft, and all the kitchen appliances. A couch, a coffee table, and that’s about it. It can’t compare to my accommodations on Gulf Sails, but it’s no prison cell.

​

“Are we allowed to decorate?” I ask, thinking this won’t be so bad after all.

​

“Of course!” Brenton says. “You can buy most of what you need at the commissary, or have it shipped here. But it usually takes a few days to come in, and they search it.”

​

Brenton stares a lot, and he strikes me as a little dim-witted, but he seems nice enough.

​

“It’s all filtered rainwater,” Crenshaw calls from the kitchen, helping himself to a glass of water, “and runs off wave power.”

​

I catch eyes with Eric from across the room.

​

“Listen, why don’t we let you get situated,” he says. “Remember, cabin 8, open invitation.”

​

He ushers the other two out. I must have been giving off an even more uncomfortable vibe than I realized.

​

“Nice to meet you, I’ll see you later,” Crenshaw says, and Brenton nods in agreement.

​

They all leave, and I’m alone. I reach for my portable, and remember I don’t have it anymore. There are no screens at all in the cabin… I have to purchase any technology I need from the prison. But I guess that will happen tomorrow after my meeting with the warden.

​

When was the last time I was more than a few feet from a screen? What do I actually do with myself?

​

Pace. Stand. Stare.

​

Okay I think I can get into the peace and tranquility with this view from the back porch.

​

But all I hear is me breathing. And some birds. Did they import those? Did they fly here themselves? It’s hundreds of miles to any natural land. How far can birds fly over water? It’s probably different for different birds. What kind of birds are those anyway?

​

Stand. Sigh. Clap.

​

Okay let’s go find that beer.

​

“Well that didn’t take long,” Eric says when I arrive at his cabin five minutes later. It’s just him, the other guys must have gone back to their cabins.

​

“Yeah I realized I have nothing to occupy me until I make it to the commissary to pick up some electronics tomorrow.”

​

Eric gives a little laugh. “Well, I’m not much for electronic entertainment to tell the truth. I’m a little old fashioned. But I do have all the classic board games.”

​

His chess set is front and center on his kitchen table.

​

“Wow, these are amazing,” I say, picking up the hand carved wooden King. “To be honest I’ve never played a physical board game… only the on-screen and augmented reality versions.”

​

“I carved these myself. Anyway let’s get you a drink,” he says, gesturing to his bar.

​

“So you didn’t like… brew this in your toilet did you?” I ask, half joking.

​

“For fuck’s sake this isn’t the twentieth century.”

​

He pours us each a beer from the tap behind his bar.

​

“So, this place seems pretty chill so far. Am I missing something?” I ask, sipping.

​

“No, not really. It is pretty chill,” Eric says.

​

“Okay… but there must be some catch… I mean this is punishment, right?”

​

“No. Not really. The point is to pay back whoever you wronged. It’s the camp’s incentive to get you to do that. That way, victims choose Elba to collect their damages. It’s your incentive to do it as quickly as possible to get back to your life. So your interests are aligned… The camp wants to empower you to be all you can be, so that they keep up their reputation for getting us to pay back our debt-”

​

“To society,” I interject.

​

“No,” Eric scoffs. “To whoever we wronged. Did you fuck up society’s statue?”

​

Seems like Eric has had a lot of time to understand just how this place operates. I wonder what he’s in for?

​

He grabs two bottled beers from the fridge this time and tosses me an opener to do the honors.

​

“Okay. But doesn’t the prison also have an incentive to keep you here longer, so that you keep paying them rent?” I ask.

​

“They don’t make that much money on rent. The biggest chunk comes from a percentage of the victim’s settlement. The quicker they get you to pay it off, the quicker the prison gets their money. And anyway trying to keep someone here would open them up to lawsuits and personal liability for whoever made that decision. Just not worth it.”

​

“What percentage does Elba get?”

​

“Depends, usually around 30-50%,” Eric explains.

​

“But that doesn’t seem worth it for the victim. Francesco isn’t even going to get enough from the settlement to replace the statue.”

​

“Crime insurance pays the prison, assuming the victim has some. Of course for someone like Francesco it’s all the same, he owns Paradisia’s crime insurance company too. But insurance pay less if you’re a repeat offender.

​

“So say you get off here, and keep up your statue rampage. Next time around, the insurance companies are going to wonder why Elba didn’t rehabilitate you the first time, and why you’re costing them more money.”

​

I have never really thought about how prisons worked. I’ve never really had to deal with the justice system before. My family gets all the basic insurance from Gulf Sails.

​

It all seems so complicated to me, it makes my head spin. Wish I had looked into defense insurance before all this happened…

​

Eric and I play a game of chess. It’s amazing how different it feels off screen– the weight and texture of the wooden knight, and hearing the tap against the board as I take a bishop.

​

Unfortunately, that left my king open, and Eric checkmates me with his rook.

​

He pours me another beer. I reach for it.

​

“Woah, not so fast,” he says. “It’s about time we agree on the terms.”

​

“Terms?” I thought I was just having a drink.

​

“Well yeah, I’m not just handing out free booze!”

​

“So what do you want me to…”

​

Shit. Shit. Shit.

​

“I’m just saying I’m not your daddy… you want something from me, I need to get something from you. That’s how the world works.”

​

“I, uh, just don’t think I could give you whatever you’re looking for…”

​

“Of course you could. A young, fit guy like yourself… I mean you’re not the most muscular but you’re clearly physically fit,” he says.

​

“Yeah, but no. I can’t,” I thought this sort of thing only happened in century old movies.

​

“Well you gotta do something to earn your keep. Sure, you’ll work online for your money, but we have a nice little internal economy on the island too… less formal.”

​

“Look, I just don’t need beer bad enough to exchange it for sexual favors.”

​

After a brief moment of shock, Eric closes his eyes and laughs silently for a few seconds.

​

“You’ve seen too many old movies kid. No, I’ve got a constant supply of beer, wine, whiskey–you name it–going. I need help with the heavy lifting. And when I’m not moving around big vats of alcohol, I have compost to turn, and garden beds to repair. Just come by for an hour whenever you get thirsty. That’s good for a couple drinks.”

​

I let out a sigh of relief.

​

“You’re not my type anyway,” Eric jokes.

​

“I really thought you were gay there for a minute.”

​

Once again, I immediately regret opening my mouth, because the tension is palpable. Thick seconds pass before he turns to me.

​

“I am gay.” He says. “I’m just not a rapist.”

​

“I–I’m sorry.” I say, shaking my head, “I had a bad experience recently with–”

​

I really need to just stop talking.

​

“It’s okay,” he says. “And I was just giving you a hard time anyway. I don’t mind sharing a little with the new guy. Tonight’s beers are on the house.”

​

“So none of–er–that type of stuff happens here?”

​

“No! I mean nothing forced. Of course there’s a few guys who shack up with each other, but that’s their choice.”

​

“Sorry if I’m a little jumpy but I just don’t know what any of you guys have done to get here.”

​

“This is about as mild a prison as you can get. It’s not like anyone here killed anyone.” He glances away and clears his throat, “Well, no one is here for a serious crime.”

​

“What was that?”

​

“What?”

​

“Kinda sounds like someone here killed someone… but it wasn’t serious?”

​

“I don’t have time to get into a long ethical debate.”

​

“Okay… Well is it rude of me to ask how long you have left here?”

​

“I can leave anytime I want.”

​

“What?! You mean you choose to stay here, even though your sentence is up, or you paid back your debt or whatever?”

​

“Yep.”

​

“I mean, this place is nicer than I expected, but still… why? You are cut off from the world, you have to wait days for packages, your internet is censored– couldn’t you get more for your money somewhere else?”

​

He smiles and sighs. Looks like he is deciding how to explain something complicated to a kid.

​

“Rodigio, before I came here, I was homeless. I was addicted to heroin. I couldn’t afford rehab, and I had been too much of an asshole to everyone who cared about me to get any help from them.

​

“These days Elba will take homeless people. But back then, you had to commit a crime to get in here. So I stole a car in The Kingdom–an empty one obviously, I wasn’t trying to get shot–and drove it to Miami. Freedom like I’ve never felt before. By the time withdrawal set in, I was behind bars and my fate was sealed, just as I planned.

​

“I knew if they got the car back, my sentence would be minimal, so before I got arrested, I drove it right off a pier, jumping out into the water as I crashed it. Took me five years on this island to pay it off. It was a nice car. By then I proved that I could pay my rent, so they let me stay.”

​

“Don’t you get lonely? Don’t you ever want to build a life with someone?” I ask.

​

“Ah they come and go, just like the real world out there. Except you know what,” He laughs, considering it, “The best–and longest–relationship I ever had was on this island.”

​

He sighs smiling, looking off into the surf wistfully.

​

“Did it end because he left Elba?” I ask.

​

His smile fades. Eric sighs and looks at his watch–the old mechanical kind–then back to me.

​

“Time to leave.”

​

So I make my way “home” in the dark.

submitted by /u/joejarvisme [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2mdZnrF

[flauntpage]

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan

The first “hot takes” article did well last October, so I figured I’d do another one. This will be 50 more hot takes for the Philadelphia sports fan, which brings us to 100 hot takes over the course of eight months.

Now, not all of these are “hot” or even “takes,” i.e. some are lukewarm and some are just observations or maybe even aphorisms. But since this is 2019, I feel encouraged and motivated to just say shit without really thinking it through, then we’ll get people all riled up and benefit from the fake arguments that ensue. That’s the strategy, right? Just fire off a bunch of outrageous claims and watch site traffic roll.

Right, so with that Pulitzer-worthy lede, here are 50 more hot takes for you and your mom, after the jump:

Grown men should not bring a baseball glove to the ballpark unless accompanied by a child who is also wearing a glove.

Glen Macnow and Ray Didinger is the best radio show in Philadelphia.

It’s really weird that fans and media always call NBA players by their first names. We’re not their close friends, so I don’t know why Kawhi Leonard is just “Kawhi” and Kobe Bryant is just “Kobe” and LeBron James is just “LeBron.” We don’t refer to Tom Brady as “Tom” and we don’t refer to Drew Brees as “Drew.” It’s kind of creepy.

Philadelphia sports fans are horrendous at detecting sarcasm and satire.

Shitting on Pat’s and Geno’s for being “touristy” is a tired take. The “what’s your favorite cheesesteak?” argument is beyond worn out.

If you cut off other drivers at the sports complex, you’re an asshole. This is especially true for people in the outside lanes who turn in front of Xfinity Live and just force their way into the Wells Fargo Center parking lots. Wait in line like the rest of us.

Wearing a matching Eagles hat and jersey is inappropriate. The max should be one article of specific team apparel, so either the hat OR the jersey, but not both.

Too many media members in this city treat sporting events like social events, as if it’s important to “see and be seen,” but not actually do any work or ask any interesting questions. It’s the struggle to remain relevant.

You can’t talk shit about soccer if you watch WWE.

Late 90s ECW was better than anything WWE or WCW ever put out.

Tommy Dreamer should be ranked higher on any list of the best ECW wrestlers of all time. (Coggin tells me this is not a hot take)

Every able-bodied writer should be forced to play or referee the sport they cover for at least one year. It adds to your knowledge of the game while offering more credibility at the same time.

People like to complain about “fanboy journalism,” but the fact of the matter is that people click whenever we write a story that makes fun of Dallas, Boston, or New York.

Fake news isn’t fake news because you disagree with it. The term literally means that the story is fabricated. We had this problem with the Joe Santoliquito story, when people outright dismissed it because they didn’t like the assertions being made, regardless of whether or not they were true.

Synchronization at Philly sporting arenas is pretty bad. I’m not sure if it’s an acoustics problem or what, but sometimes simple cheers like “M-V-P or “De-fense” are being shouted at different times by 2-3 different sections of the stadium. It makes it look like we don’t know what we’re doing.

I can’t take you seriously if you can’t actually pronounce player names. It’s not Nelson “Aguilar,” nor is it Alshon “Jefferies” or Chase “Daniels.” Sports radio hosts should be instructed to hang up on callers who can’t pronounce names.

Pittsburgh isn’t a rival city. They are geographically further away than New York and D.C. and the fans who live there are very similar to us.

The NHL has the best overtime rules among the “four major North American sports.”

The NFL has the worst overtime rules, by far.

162 games of regular season baseball is a total snooze fest. Trim the regular season (boring TV) and add more playoff games (excellent TV).

The Flyers’ decision to cover and then remove the Kate Smith statue was totally rushed, like they didn’t think it through and just copied the Yankees in fear of bad publicity.

Likewise, it bothers me how quickly people were calling for Odubel Herrera’s removal from the Phillies organization. This is America; we gather facts, collect evidence, and exercise due diligence. Then we make informed and educated decisions.

Baseball traditionalists are the worst. “Nothing needs to change! Baseball is perfect the way it is!” Ugh, go away.

There’s too much mucking, grinding, and bullshitting on the boards in the NHL. The international dimensions make for a more open and enjoyable game.

Stephen A Smith is a national treasure.

“Click bait” is defined by the body of the story, not the headline. We are literally trying to write headlines that grab attention and result in people clicking on the story. They’re called “teases” in television lingo.

Boston isn’t much different from Philly. Both are great cities with history and culture and passionate sports fans. The only difference is they have horrible accents and Coggin thinks they’re more racist.

The in-game interview is the worst segment of all time and eternity. There’s no reason a coach should have to speak to the media during an actual game.

Media should not be allowed in the locker room, which is a sacred and private place for athletes.

Arena music is really bad in 2019. Some of the stuff you hear at Sixers’ games is the worst mumble rap ever.

“Welcome to the Jungle” needs to be banned from sporting events forever. It’s worn out.

I can’t support calling touchdowns “tuddies.”

Tomato pie is whatever. It’s not horrible, but it’s not good either.

Twitter should lock for at least 30 minutes after an Eagles loss, and everybody should be required to go outside and smoke a cigarette before they can log back in.

People still have no idea what Colin Kaepernick is protesting.

Criticizing the Wing Bowl for objectifying women feels off-base to me. Nobody forced anyone to be a wingette or escort the eaters to the stage, those women signed up to do that.

I don’t understand Philadelphia’s love for Pearl Jam. Alice in Chains and Soundgarden are the superior Seattle grunge bands. Nirvana is also overrated.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band may very well be the most overrated act on the planet.

Mike Trout is boring.

Most sports writers and editors have an inflated sense of worth. We are not firefighters or doctors. We are not uncovering Russian collusion. Sports is entertainment. It’s the appreciation of athletic skill and achievement. We can inform and write interesting stories without taking ourselves too seriously.

Let’s not confuse journalism for sports writing. Peter Arnett was a journalist who reported from Vietnam and Iraq. Dan Shaughnessy is a sports writer who covers Boston teams.

We talk about how much we love Philadelphia, about how “blue collar” we are, yet I see trash and dog shit on every street corner. We need to do a better job of taking care of our neighborhoods and showing some pride in where we live.

If you shovel out your own parking spot, then put a cone there to save it, you’re a selfish asshole. It literally takes five minutes to shovel out your neighbor’s car or clear the snow from their steps. Do something for somebody else.

Stop calling Fishtown “hipster.” It hasn’t been hipster for years. All of the hipsters moved to the west side of Frankford Avenue or down to East Passyunk.

Media members who don’t show up during the regular season should be banned from attending playoff games.

Eagles talk should be banned from the end of minicamp to the start of training camp.

I wasn’t a fan of Justin Gaethje’s “American vs. a foreigner” angle at the recent UFC Fight Night at the Wells Fargo Center. Gaethje is from Arizona. His opponent, Edson Barboza, has trained in New Jersey for several years. Barboza was born in Brazil but has more of a connection to this region than Gaethje does. That felt a little hollow to me, the fact that the crowd was lopsided in Gaethje’s favor.

Media members should never talk shit about a player on social media, then go put a microphone in his or her face. Athletes pay attention to those kinds of things.

Calling millennials “soft” is dumb, because Baby Boomers were the ones handing out the participation trophies. We literally created the environment they are living in.

Parents who yell at their kids, the coach, or the referees at a youth sporting event should be immediately escorted from the premises and put on six months of probation.

That’s what I’ve got.

Agree? Disagree? Just want to troll the comments section? Get at me dog.

The post 50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan appeared first on Crossing Broad.

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[frankcastled]

Listen, I get nothing is ever perfect and there can always be criticism and feedback cam always be given to improve something; but these channels and people that actively hate on or provide negative criticisms for movies are dumb and exhausting. 

I’m not even talking about people who are giving reviews. I love movies and I also love talking about movies and I love hearing different viewpoints, even when someone hated a movie I loved. I like knowing why and I usually accept their opinion and very rarely try to change it. The most I do is I’ll explain why I loved the movie they hated and make peace with that. 

But man oh man, it’s like a thing on youtube to actively shit on things (yeah, I know this is the internet). And yes. I know those people claim it’s a joke or it’s satire. The problem with that is, it’s not satire (I don’t think they know what satire is) and they’re not jokes. Satire is what Saturday Night Live often does with its sketches, in particular its political sketches. Jokes are, well-- when you’re pointing out something you think is wrong but provide no kind of punchline or don’t add value, it’s not really a joke, is it? It’s just words being said to point out a problem THAT DOESN’T EVEN EXIST HALF THE TIME. 

I know CinemaSins is the popular one and the original, but apparently there are now more channels that literally do exactly what CinemaSins does under different branding.

Anyway, my main problem with these channels is they often do gags like, “This thing was done and was never explained why they did the thing” or “How did that scene play out? The movie never showed it or explained it and we’re supposed to just move on from the scene?” Like, first about 95% of the time those “errors” pointed out are hardly errors. In fact, they, for some reason, assume their audience has not seen the movie or that their audience has not seen the movie frequently enough to know that more often than not, the things they are pointing out as never explained are almost always explained in the same scene, the previous scene, or the scene right after. That does not qualify as satire or a joke and just really assumes your audience is dumb or inattentive and is really just a giant “fuck you” to their viewers. 

Then you have the contradictory gags. Gags where they point out the movie does the thing, but then later on the movie doesn’t do the thing even though they had the opportunity to do the thing. Is it satire? Nope. Is it a joke? Some people might find it funny, but it’s also not a very smart or clever joke and maybe that’s just me, but I think nitpicking on something and then nitpicking at when the movie doesn’t do the thing you nitpicked at before is just lazy writing. 

And then there are the times when they pick on ACTUAL errors. Like I said, nothing is ever perfect, so if the intent of these videos is to, you know, be satirical or be funny, then you completely negate your purpose when you actually pick up on actual errors without adding to it. See, what comedians and satirists do is pick up on problems or imperfections with whatever they’re poking fun at, and play it up. 

Let’s take SNL, for example. With Trump as president, they don’t just take his speeches or rallies and recreate them or highlight what he said and why what he said was wrong. No. What they do is they take the worst parts of his speech or his actions or his tweets (or whatever event they’re playing on) and add some kind of additional commentary to it. They take something he tweeted and rather than putting the tweet on screen and going “haha! how dumb!” they add their own context while still keeping within the vein and tone of real Trump but exaggerate. That’s what satire and comedy look like. You’re adding something to it. It’s also the reason why comedians say Trump is a difficult president to make fun of because Trump is already such a trainwreck on his own, that them having to come up with material every week to expand on what he did is difficult because it would be SO easy to just read a newspaper or show a clip of the dumb thing he did and point and laugh at it, but that is just inherently not how comedy or satire works which is why actual comedians don’t do that. 

So, when channels like CinemaSins sit there are nitpick at actual errors in film and then go on to claim they’re just making satire or jokes, it’s hard to believe if they’re being serious or not because that’s just not what comedy is. Even if you were doing that, there should still be a punchline. Kind of like the Weekend Update segment on SNL. They read actual news stories but there’s always a punchline at the end, otherwise, they’d just be a random news segment in the middle of a comedy sketch show and that would just be out of place, the same way nitpicking on actual mistakes it out of place on channels that claim they’re trying to be funny. 

Yes, I know comedy is subjective, but there also is an actual art to it and actual work and effort needs to be put in, just like with any kind of art or entertainment. 

In addition, there’s also people who are actually giving serious reviews and trying to actively shit on something, except if you’re going to sit there and give an opinion and claim that there was no point to the movie! Or you just don’t like the thing because the characters are always the same or don’t develop, then you clearly missed the point of the movie. 

Again, I don’t mind if you don’t like a movie. That’s fine. I understand there are people who aren’t into superhero movies which means they’re just not going to like superhero films no matter how great the movie is as a whole. There are people who don’t like horror, which means things like Get Out and A Quiet Place are immediately going to be unenjoyable. That is not what I’m talking about. 

I’m talking about people who go in and watch a movie and then proceed to trash it based on certain merits, when literally the entire point of the movie was lost on them. I mean, if you’re going to critique a movie and then say it was so obtuse, only babies would get anything out of it, maybe you’re the one that is too thick to get the actual point of the movie?

I think my favorite is when people try to take a shot at A Cabin in the Woods and all their critiques are all shallow and surface-level and you can tell they in no way got the wider metaphor or what the movie was saying. Because, if you got the point of the movie and what the movie was trying to do AND still didn’t like it? That’s totally fair. You gave it a shot, you didn’t care for the way it was trying to get its point across and sometimes it’s just a difference in opinion (also Cabin in the Woods is another perfect example of what satire actually looks like-- just saying). 

Another one people love to hate on is Get Out and more often than not that’s also another one where you realize the people who hate on it the most fundamentally did not understand the point the movie was trying to make. Yeah, they often get that “it’s about race” but that’s just the superficial level take on it. If that’s your entire takeaway, then you weren’t really paying that much attention to it, considering the movie immediately draws the attention to race when the characters, you know, openly speak about being black. That’s just listening to dialogue and that’s really the bare minimum anyone does when watching a movie. 

Anyway, is this usually white, straight men who have these garbage point-of-views? Yes. Are they worth my time? Probably not. But I just hate when people do not fundamentally understand a film or try to pass it off as satire or comedy when it’s not because you’re just lazy. 

In all fairness to the audience, I know a lot of people will watch their videos without having seen the movies they’re “satirizing” so it’s easier for them to let things slide when they just don’t have the same context as someone who has seen the movies. 

Anyway, dumb rant was dumb. 

(And for the record, I don’t actually watch a lot of these types of videos, I just sometimes happen across them-- especially the serious review videos-- by accident and I watch a lot of videos critiquing CinemaSins so I see enough clips through those to know, plus I had seen a handful of them years ago when they were just starting to be put on people’s radars.)

[flauntpage]

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan

The first “hot takes” article did well last October, so I figured I’d do another one. This will be 50 more hot takes for the Philadelphia sports fan, which brings us to 100 hot takes over the course of eight months.

Now, not all of these are “hot” or even “takes,” i.e. some are lukewarm and some are just observations or maybe even aphorisms. But since this is 2019, I feel encouraged and motivated to just say shit without really thinking it through, then we’ll get people all riled up and benefit from the fake arguments that ensue. That’s the strategy, right? Just fire off a bunch of outrageous claims and watch site traffic roll.

Right, so with that Pulitzer-worthy lede, here are 50 more hot takes for you and your mom, after the jump:

Grown men should not bring a baseball glove to the ballpark unless accompanied by a child who is also wearing a glove.

Glen Macnow and Ray Didinger is the best radio show in Philadelphia.

It’s really weird that fans and media always call NBA players by their first names. We’re not their close friends, so I don’t know why Kawhi Leonard is just “Kawhi” and Kobe Bryant is just “Kobe” and LeBron James is just “LeBron.” We don’t refer to Tom Brady as “Tom” and we don’t refer to Drew Brees as “Drew.” It’s kind of creepy.

Philadelphia sports fans are horrendous at detecting sarcasm and satire.

Shitting on Pat’s and Geno’s for being “touristy” is a tired take. The “what’s your favorite cheesesteak?” argument is beyond worn out.

If you cut off other drivers at the sports complex, you’re an asshole. This is especially true for people in the outside lanes who turn in front of Xfinity Live and just force their way into the Wells Fargo Center parking lots. Wait in line like the rest of us.

Wearing a matching Eagles hat and jersey is inappropriate. The max should be one article of specific team apparel, so either the hat OR the jersey, but not both.

Too many media members in this city treat sporting events like social events, as if it’s important to “see and be seen,” but not actually do any work or ask any interesting questions. It’s the struggle to remain relevant.

You can’t talk shit about soccer if you watch WWE.

Late 90s ECW was better than anything WWE or WCW ever put out.

Tommy Dreamer should be ranked higher on any list of the best ECW wrestlers of all time. (Coggin tells me this is not a hot take)

Every able-bodied writer should be forced to play or referee the sport they cover for at least one year. It adds to your knowledge of the game while offering more credibility at the same time.

People like to complain about “fanboy journalism,” but the fact of the matter is that people click whenever we write a story that makes fun of Dallas, Boston, or New York.

Fake news isn’t fake news because you disagree with it. The term literally means that the story is fabricated. We had this problem with the Joe Santoliquito story, when people outright dismissed it because they didn’t like the assertions being made, regardless of whether or not they were true.

Synchronization at Philly sporting arenas is pretty bad. I’m not sure if it’s an acoustics problem or what, but sometimes simple cheers like “M-V-P or “De-fense” are being shouted at different times by 2-3 different sections of the stadium. It makes it look like we don’t know what we’re doing.

I can’t take you seriously if you can’t actually pronounce player names. It’s not Nelson “Aguilar,” nor is it Alshon “Jefferies” or Chase “Daniels.” Sports radio hosts should be instructed to hang up on callers who can’t pronounce names.

Pittsburgh isn’t a rival city. They are geographically further away than New York and D.C. and the fans who live there are very similar to us.

The NHL has the best overtime rules among the “four major North American sports.”

The NFL has the worst overtime rules, by far.

162 games of regular season baseball is a total snooze fest. Trim the regular season (boring TV) and add more playoff games (excellent TV).

The Flyers’ decision to cover and then remove the Kate Smith statue was totally rushed, like they didn’t think it through and just copied the Yankees in fear of bad publicity.

Likewise, it bothers me how quickly people were calling for Odubel Herrera’s removal from the Phillies organization. This is America; we gather facts, collect evidence, and exercise due diligence. Then we make informed and educated decisions.

Baseball traditionalists are the worst. “Nothing needs to change! Baseball is perfect the way it is!” Ugh, go away.

There’s too much mucking, grinding, and bullshitting on the boards in the NHL. The international dimensions make for a more open and enjoyable game.

Stephen A Smith is a national treasure.

“Click bait” is defined by the body of the story, not the headline. We are literally trying to write headlines that grab attention and result in people clicking on the story. They’re called “teases” in television lingo.

Boston isn’t much different from Philly. Both are great cities with history and culture and passionate sports fans. The only difference is they have horrible accents and Coggin thinks they’re more racist.

The in-game interview is the worst segment of all time and eternity. There’s no reason a coach should have to speak to the media during an actual game.

Media should not be allowed in the locker room, which is a sacred and private place for athletes.

Arena music is really bad in 2019. Some of the stuff you hear at Sixers’ games is the worst mumble rap ever.

“Welcome to the Jungle” needs to be banned from sporting events forever. It’s worn out.

I can’t support calling touchdowns “tuddies.”

Tomato pie is whatever. It’s not horrible, but it’s not good either.

Twitter should lock for at least 30 minutes after an Eagles loss, and everybody should be required to go outside and smoke a cigarette before they can log back in.

People still have no idea what Colin Kaepernick is protesting.

Criticizing the Wing Bowl for objectifying women feels off-base to me. Nobody forced anyone to be a wingette or escort the eaters to the stage, those women signed up to do that.

I don’t understand Philadelphia’s love for Pearl Jam. Alice in Chains and Soundgarden are the superior Seattle grunge bands. Nirvana is also overrated.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band may very well be the most overrated act on the planet.

Mike Trout is boring.

Most sports writers and editors have an inflated sense of worth. We are not firefighters or doctors. We are not uncovering Russian collusion. Sports is entertainment. It’s the appreciation of athletic skill and achievement. We can inform and write interesting stories without taking ourselves too seriously.

Let’s not confuse journalism for sports writing. Peter Arnett was a journalist who reported from Vietnam and Iraq. Dan Shaughnessy is a sports writer who covers Boston teams.

We talk about how much we love Philadelphia, about how “blue collar” we are, yet I see trash and dog shit on every street corner. We need to do a better job of taking care of our neighborhoods and showing some pride in where we live.

If you shovel out your own parking spot, then put a cone there to save it, you’re a selfish asshole. It literally takes five minutes to shovel out your neighbor’s car or clear the snow from their steps. Do something for somebody else.

Stop calling Fishtown “hipster.” It hasn’t been hipster for years. All of the hipsters moved to the west side of Frankford Avenue or down to East Passyunk.

Media members who don’t show up during the regular season should be banned from attending playoff games.

Eagles talk should be banned from the end of minicamp to the start of training camp.

I wasn’t a fan of Justin Gaethje’s “American vs. a foreigner” angle at the recent UFC Fight Night at the Wells Fargo Center. Gaethje is from Arizona. His opponent, Edson Barboza, has trained in New Jersey for several years. Barboza was born in Brazil but has more of a connection to this region than Gaethje does. That felt a little hollow to me, the fact that the crowd was lopsided in Gaethje’s favor.

Media members should never talk shit about a player on social media, then go put a microphone in his or her face. Athletes pay attention to those kinds of things.

Calling millennials “soft” is dumb, because Baby Boomers were the ones handing out the participation trophies. We literally created the environment they are living in.

Parents who yell at their kids, the coach, or the referees at a youth sporting event should be immediately escorted from the premises and put on six months of probation.

That’s what I’ve got.

Agree? Disagree? Just want to troll the comments section? Get at me dog.

The post 50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan appeared first on Crossing Broad.

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[flauntpage]

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan

The first “hot takes” article did well last October, so I figured I’d do another one. This will be 50 more hot takes for the Philadelphia sports fan, which brings us to 100 hot takes over the course of eight months.

Now, not all of these are “hot” or even “takes,” i.e. some are lukewarm and some are just observations or maybe even aphorisms. But since this is 2019, I feel encouraged and motivated to just say shit without really thinking it through, then we’ll get people all riled up and benefit from the fake arguments that ensue. That’s the strategy, right? Just fire off a bunch of outrageous claims and watch site traffic roll.

Right, so with that Pulitzer-worthy lede, here are 50 more hot takes for you and your mom, after the jump:

Grown men should not bring a baseball glove to the ballpark unless accompanied by a child who is also wearing a glove.

Glen Macnow and Ray Didinger is the best radio show in Philadelphia.

It’s really weird that fans and media always call NBA players by their first names. We’re not their close friends, so I don’t know why Kawhi Leonard is just “Kawhi” and Kobe Bryant is just “Kobe” and LeBron James is just “LeBron.” We don’t refer to Tom Brady as “Tom” and we don’t refer to Drew Brees as “Drew.” It’s kind of creepy.

Philadelphia sports fans are horrendous at detecting sarcasm and satire.

Shitting on Pat’s and Geno’s for being “touristy” is a tired take. The “what’s your favorite cheesesteak?” argument is beyond worn out.

If you cut off other drivers at the sports complex, you’re an asshole. This is especially true for people in the outside lanes who turn in front of Xfinity Live and just force their way into the Wells Fargo Center parking lots. Wait in line like the rest of us.

Wearing a matching Eagles hat and jersey is inappropriate. The max should be one article of specific team apparel, so either the hat OR the jersey, but not both.

Too many media members in this city treat sporting events like social events, as if it’s important to “see and be seen,” but not actually do any work or ask any interesting questions. It’s the struggle to remain relevant.

You can’t talk shit about soccer if you watch WWE.

Late 90s ECW was better than anything WWE or WCW ever put out.

Tommy Dreamer should be ranked higher on any list of the best ECW wrestlers of all time. (Coggin tells me this is not a hot take)

Every able-bodied writer should be forced to play or referee the sport they cover for at least one year. It adds to your knowledge of the game while offering more credibility at the same time.

People like to complain about “fanboy journalism,” but the fact of the matter is that people click whenever we write a story that makes fun of Dallas, Boston, or New York.

Fake news isn’t fake news because you disagree with it. The term literally means that the story is fabricated. We had this problem with the Joe Santoliquito story, when people outright dismissed it because they didn’t like the assertions being made, regardless of whether or not they were true.

Synchronization at Philly sporting arenas is pretty bad. I’m not sure if it’s an acoustics problem or what, but sometimes simple cheers like “M-V-P or “De-fense” are being shouted at different times by 2-3 different sections of the stadium. It makes it look like we don’t know what we’re doing.

I can’t take you seriously if you can’t actually pronounce player names. It’s not Nelson “Aguilar,” nor is it Alshon “Jefferies” or Chase “Daniels.” Sports radio hosts should be instructed to hang up on callers who can’t pronounce names.

Pittsburgh isn’t a rival city. They are geographically further away than New York and D.C. and the fans who live there are very similar to us.

The NHL has the best overtime rules among the “four major North American sports.”

The NFL has the worst overtime rules, by far.

162 games of regular season baseball is a total snooze fest. Trim the regular season (boring TV) and add more playoff games (excellent TV).

The Flyers’ decision to cover and then remove the Kate Smith statue was totally rushed, like they didn’t think it through and just copied the Yankees in fear of bad publicity.

Likewise, it bothers me how quickly people were calling for Odubel Herrera’s removal from the Phillies organization. This is America; we gather facts, collect evidence, and exercise due diligence. Then we make informed and educated decisions.

Baseball traditionalists are the worst. “Nothing needs to change! Baseball is perfect the way it is!” Ugh, go away.

There’s too much mucking, grinding, and bullshitting on the boards in the NHL. The international dimensions make for a more open and enjoyable game.

Stephen A Smith is a national treasure.

“Click bait” is defined by the body of the story, not the headline. We are literally trying to write headlines that grab attention and result in people clicking on the story. They’re called “teases” in television lingo.

Boston isn’t much different from Philly. Both are great cities with history and culture and passionate sports fans. The only difference is they have horrible accents and Coggin thinks they’re more racist.

The in-game interview is the worst segment of all time and eternity. There’s no reason a coach should have to speak to the media during an actual game.

Media should not be allowed in the locker room, which is a sacred and private place for athletes.

Arena music is really bad in 2019. Some of the stuff you hear at Sixers’ games is the worst mumble rap ever.

“Welcome to the Jungle” needs to be banned from sporting events forever. It’s worn out.

I can’t support calling touchdowns “tuddies.”

Tomato pie is whatever. It’s not horrible, but it’s not good either.

Twitter should lock for at least 30 minutes after an Eagles loss, and everybody should be required to go outside and smoke a cigarette before they can log back in.

People still have no idea what Colin Kaepernick is protesting.

Criticizing the Wing Bowl for objectifying women feels off-base to me. Nobody forced anyone to be a wingette or escort the eaters to the stage, those women signed up to do that.

I don’t understand Philadelphia’s love for Pearl Jam. Alice in Chains and Soundgarden are the superior Seattle grunge bands. Nirvana is also overrated.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band may very well be the most overrated act on the planet.

Mike Trout is boring.

Most sports writers and editors have an inflated sense of worth. We are not firefighters or doctors. We are not uncovering Russian collusion. Sports is entertainment. It’s the appreciation of athletic skill and achievement. We can inform and write interesting stories without taking ourselves too seriously.

Let’s not confuse journalism for sports writing. Peter Arnett was a journalist who reported from Vietnam and Iraq. Dan Shaughnessy is a sports writer who covers Boston teams.

We talk about how much we love Philadelphia, about how “blue collar” we are, yet I see trash and dog shit on every street corner. We need to do a better job of taking care of our neighborhoods and showing some pride in where we live.

If you shovel out your own parking spot, then put a cone there to save it, you’re a selfish asshole. It literally takes five minutes to shovel out your neighbor’s car or clear the snow from their steps. Do something for somebody else.

Stop calling Fishtown “hipster.” It hasn’t been hipster for years. All of the hipsters moved to the west side of Frankford Avenue or down to East Passyunk.

Media members who don’t show up during the regular season should be banned from attending playoff games.

Eagles talk should be banned from the end of minicamp to the start of training camp.

I wasn’t a fan of Justin Gaethje’s “American vs. a foreigner” angle at the recent UFC Fight Night at the Wells Fargo Center. Gaethje is from Arizona. His opponent, Edson Barboza, has trained in New Jersey for several years. Barboza was born in Brazil but has more of a connection to this region than Gaethje does. That felt a little hollow to me, the fact that the crowd was lopsided in Gaethje’s favor.

Media members should never talk shit about a player on social media, then go put a microphone in his or her face. Athletes pay attention to those kinds of things.

Calling millennials “soft” is dumb, because Baby Boomers were the ones handing out the participation trophies. We literally created the environment they are living in.

Parents who yell at their kids, the coach, or the referees at a youth sporting event should be immediately escorted from the premises and put on six months of probation.

That’s what I’ve got.

Agree? Disagree? Just want to troll the comments section? Get at me dog.

The post 50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan appeared first on Crossing Broad.

50 More Hot Takes for the Philadelphia Sports Fan published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/