#which is another thing altogether. like why was billy the only character in this entire show that was so overtly sexualized?????? wild.

[poppunk-nonsense]

American Idiot by Green Day: Album Review

(Not my gif)

Warning: I do swear in this occasionally

I’ve decided to begin my pop-punk album reviews with what I believe to be one of the most coveted in the genre: American Idiot. Yes, it’s cliché and yes it’s become pretty mainstream now which technically defies one of the most important values of the genre, keeping it underground. However, for me, and from what I have observed over the past few years, I think for a lot of other music lovers as well, Green Day was the first band I ever discovered on my own that was different from what my parents listened to or what was popular on the radio at the time. They were the band that started it all for me. After listening to this album for the first time, it was like I became addicted… so I listened to it again and again and again (and again). From Billie Joe Armstrong’s brilliant lyrics coupled with the catchy melodies, distorted guitars, and exceptional rhythm section (courtesy of Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool), Green Day has, in my opinion, some of the best rock songs ever written. This band has produced remarkable albums time and time again but American Idiot is their most popular and I think for good reason. Not only do all the songs deliver from a musical standpoint, but lyrically as well. The words are so beautifully written with equal parts grit, poetry, criticism, and love. The story of this concept album is gorgeously balanced between the struggles of young love and heartbreak and the onset of political unrest and a national rebellion in America during the early 2000s. All in all, it creates a wonderful aesthetic that any emo teen could bang their head to. I have a very personal connection to this band, and more specifically, this album. Green Day kick-started my love for the pop-punk genre as well as my exploration into many other types of music. They are the reason I started my own pop-punk band in high school and consequently became interested in audio engineering, production, and music business. Basically, I have Green Day to thank for my entire future in the music industry. For each song, I have shared my opinions on the music, lyrics, and my interpretation of how the song connects to the overall concept of the album. I also included a rating out of ten for each song. 

These are my personal, subjective opinions on the album and the concepts of the story. I am in no way negatively criticizing or judging it. If anyone has any other opinions on American Idiot, please message me! I would love to discuss music with anyone interested. Also, please send me recommendations for any other albums you think I should review. Next, I think I will do an All Time Low album but I am always open to suggestions. 

Also this ended up being super long, so sorry about that, I got very excited (and a little carried away) with sharing my thoughts on this fantastic album! 

So, without further ado, here is my first album review: Green Day’s American Idiot (2004).

Track 1: American Idiot

7.5/10

Right off the bat, the title track of the album kicks it off with a bang (literally). There are so many reasons why this song is such an amazing album opener. The fast-paced, heavy rhythm and the loud, layered guitars create a groove that makes you want to get up and dance. It’s an attention grabber which is why it makes perfect sense to put it as track number one and also as the radio hit. However, I think the lyrics are the real factor as to why this song sucks you in and makes you want to listen more. It’s an anthem for rebellion; a message to the societal outsiders who want to destroy the system and create lasting change in their community. American Idiot sets the revolutionary tone that the rest of the tracks carry on throughout the album’s story.  

Track 2: Jesus of Suburbia

9.5/10

This song is easily one of my favorites on the album. The music and lyrics are written so geniously and the transitions between each section are seamless and meaningful, as if they are scene changes within the plot of a film. In this song, we are introduced to the main protagonist in the concept album whose name matches the track name, Jesus of Suburbia. The whole song explores his struggles of living in a deadbeat town and wanting to get the fuck out, which is quite literally the epitome of punk rock. Each section of the song tackles certain themes such as mental health, poverty, boredom, love and hate, and of course, the strifes of living in suburbia. Armstrong’s word choices and rhyming schemes are very poetic and transparent. They embody “sex, drugs, and rock & roll” and express a “Fuck you!” kind of attitude to the world. In terms of musicality, this was probably a very difficult and tedious song to write as it is over nine minutes long and has multiple rhythm and key changes. Some of my favorite musical moments in the track are Tre Cool’s drum solos and the transition to the acoustic guitars in the “Dearly Beloved” section which is so unexpectedly beautiful to hear in the middle of a hard and heavy rock song. The ending of the track, both lyrically and musically, ties the entire song together so perfectly to create a remarkable, operatic finale. As the song ends, we follow the protagonist, Jesus of Suburbia, onto his next journey in the story as he finally leaves his hometown (like I’m sure a lot of us wanted to do as teenagers).

Track 3: Holiday

9/10

In my opinion, this track has some of the best melodies in the whole album. It is another great anthem song that inspires rebellion and action, continuing with this tone through the album. My favorite element of the track is Mike Dirnt’s bassline which creates a great groove and carries the whole vibe of the track. This song fires you up, mainly due to the fantastic call and response elements that carry on throughout the whole track and peak during the bridge. This is a great moment in the song with the fun drum breakdown and audience participation. It sparks a revolutionary attitude within the listeners and once again serves as a way to unify people under a common cause. Unfortunately, this song is still just as relevant in today’s political climate as it was in 2003 when the song was written. A fitting line that comes to mind is “I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies”.

Track 4: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

8.5/10

As Holiday transitions into the fourth song in the album, the listener gets the sense that not only the musical tone of the album is changing but so is the plot of the story. We seamlessly go from a very inspiring and angry sound in Holiday to a desperate and lost sound in Boulevard of Broken Dreams. The Jesus of Suburbia doesn’t know who he is and consequently feels lost and alone. Boulevard of Broken Dreams is widely viewed as an “emo anthem” due to the depressing lyrics and message. But I think the musical elements of the song speak just as loudly as the lyrics do in order to convey this. The entire song itself is set to a minor key which automatically brings the mood down. This mood is emphasized even more by the slow heavy feeling that the guitars and cymbals contribute to the overall vibe. The wah guitar sound during the verses creates the feeling of disorientation for the protagonist as he transitions into a new, unknown part of his life and the harmonies in the choruses convey a helpless, agonizing feeling. To top it all off, the ending instrumental part ties all these elements together to hone in on that desperation that is supposed to be felt throughout the whole song by emphasizing the screaming, soloed guitar, and the disorienting, washy guitars in the background.

Track 5: Are We the Waiting

7/10

This is a very transitional track of the album. There isn’t anything groundbreaking going on here. It lets you take a breath and stand still for a second in the story. The Jesus of Suburbia is still lost in the unknown world of a new city but now, he has accepted his loneliness. The desperation of Boulevard of Broken Dreams has shattered and been replaced by a dreamlike veil while the protagonist searches for something, he just doesn’t know what it is. The calming drones in the song represent the stillness of the environment the character has found himself in. The song conveys a loss of hope and that even though the Jesus of Suburbia has burned the bridges of his hometown and forgotten about the burdens of his past, he still has an unguided, foggy future.

Track 6: St. Jimmy

9/10

As we transition very abruptly from Are We the Waiting to St. Jimmy, that dreamlike veil of hopelessness is lifted and the Jesus of Suburbia has finally found the thing he was searching for: a new beginning. This is one of my favorite songs on the album due to two factors. The first of course is the fast-paced, truly “punky” sound of the song. The rigorous drums and aggressive guitars are so much fun to rock out to and they also contribute to the gritty, raw personality of the character the song is based on. The second factor is exactly that, the St. Jimmy persona itself. St. Jimmy could be interpreted in one of two ways. He could either be seen as a new part of the Jesus of Suburbia’s personality or in other words the person he becomes when he starts his new life in the city. Or he could be seen as a separate entity altogether; a character the protagonist meets within the story. Either way, the effect of St. Jimmy on the Jesus of Suburbia is the same. St. Jimmy represents everything the Jesus of Suburbia wants to become in order to completely wash away his past self. The total disregard for rules and conformity that St. Jimmy symbolizes corrupts the Jesus of Suburbia and changes him.

Track 7: Give Me Novocaine

8/10

The seventh track of the album, Give Me Novocaine, bears a lot of resemblance to Are We the Waiting, in my opinion, due to the purpose of the song as well as the message behind it. The Jesus of Suburbia once again feels lost because the person he has become under St. Jimmy’s influence isn’t someone he recognizes to be himself. Maybe the novocaine depicted in the song is supposed to represent the Jesus of Suburbia coping with drug addiction as a result of the corruption caused by St. Jimmy. The same desperation that is felt in Boulevard of Broken Dreams can be felt in this track as well. However, the tone and musicality of this song isn’t something we have encountered yet within the album. During the verses, the dueling acoustic rhythm guitars hard-panned left and right create a very sweet sounding groove that isn’t unlike a cliché love song. But when the chorus hits, the cry for help from the protagonist and the juxtaposition between the lyrics and the melody are much more obvious.

Track 8: She’s a Rebel

7/10

She’s a Rebel isn’t one of my favorite songs on the album because it’s nothing that we haven’t heard so far musically. However, it does introduce an important character into the story. Whatsername is the love interest of the Jesus of Suburbia. She is described as a rebellious, independent woman who will be a vital “vigilante” in the revolution. The essence of the character is rooted in the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype that many female love interests are depicted as in literature and film. Her sole function is to help develop the character arch of the protagonist a.k.a the man who falls in love with her. Ultimately these roles end up being slightly two-dimensional as the only true reason she is included in the story is to help get the protagonist from point A to point B without actually developing her character at all. Personally, I would love to hear about Whatsername’s journey, separated from the Jesus of Suburbia’s.

Track 9: Extraordinary Girl

6.5/10

This is my least favorite song on the album. I don’t really like the melodic or musical aspects of the song. Once again I feel like it isn’t anything we haven’t heard so far and it doesn’t strike me as being new. But the song is a vital plot point in the album because it develops the ups and downs of the love story between the Jesus of Suburbia and Whatsername. It is obvious that they are both very troubled human beings and they are dependent on each other to give themselves worth. However, having this type of relationship can be exhausting and emotionally taxing on both participants, and as denoted in the lyrics “it’s not worth trying” to continue with it, even if the two are truly in love. On the surface level, the lyrics seem very cliché and this was always one of the reasons I didn’t like this track as much as some of the others on the album. But after analyzing the lyrics a little more, it’s obvious that the song is much deeper than it is first made out to be.

Track 10: Letterbomb

10/10

If I was going to pick a favorite song from the album, it would be Letterbomb. When I was younger, I never appreciated this song and the poetry within its lyrics. However, over time I have realized how brilliant this track truly is in summarizing the whole story of the Jesus of Suburbia and representing the climax of his story. The whole song is basically the protagonist’s revelation of  how much of a shit show his life has become. He thought he was miserable living in the boredom of his hometown so he left for the big city. But the universe is one big cosmic joke and in this case, the punchline is that the amazing life he built up in his head was nothing like the reality and hardships of the drugs, corruption, and heartbreak he actually experienced. This is the embodiment of “the grass is always greener on the other side” type of outlook on life. Letterbomb perfectly sums up the pitfalls of romanticization. Inevitably, there will always be some disappointment when experiencing the reality of a life you thought you wanted in your head. The Jesus of Suburbia must deal with this disappointment head-on and because of it, he decides to abandon his newfound life in the city and subsequently his relationship with Whatsername. Ultimately, this whole story is about a young man trying to cope with the current political climate of the country while also dealing with personal issues that stem from his childhood, like the treatment he received from his parents growing up and their divorce. In order to cope with these hardships, he created the heroic Jesus of Suburbia persona for himself and built this whole new life around that character. By far one of my favorite lines in this entire album is “You’re not the Jesus of Suburbia, The St. Jimmy is a figment of your father’s rage and your mother’s love, Made me the idiot America”. This is such an amazing way to tie in all the aspects of the protagonist’s story and tear down this image in his head that he created his life around. He isn’t the Jesus of Suburbia, he’s just another American Idiot who thought he could escape the confines of the life he didn’t want.

Track 11: Homecoming

8/10

I can’t think of any other song that is more perfect to conclude the album than Homecoming. The grandiose ending of the song is almost theatrical as the Jesus of Suburbia decides to return home after his long journey on his own in the big city. Musically, the entire song leading up to the ending is so much fun for the listener, especially when Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool contribute their own singing abilities towards the end. The fact that the band wrote and recorded not one but two songs that both exceeded nine minutes and included multiple sections throughout the whole track is incredible. It is an even greater feat to succeed in making these songs fun and exciting to listen to for the entire duration of both of them. The lyric “This life like dream ain’t for me” perfectly sums up and reemphasizes the points that were developed in Letterbomb. The Jesus of Suburbia is done with the harsh reality of the dream life he created in his head and just wants to go home.

Track 12: Whatsername

9/10

Even though Homecoming concludes the actual story of the protagonist, Whatsername is the true ending to the album. All in all, the American Idiot concept album is very bittersweet. The protagonist discovers a lot about who he is and in the end, after making many mistakes, returns home and gains a new appreciation for his life. However, the story is also conceived with heartbreak and sadness, the relationship between the protagonist and Whatsername being the focal point of those themes and ultimately ending with an inconclusive, melancholy break. The song itself has a very catchy melody throughout. The first half of the track is very lowkey and calming. The slight reverb of the vocals and the haunting guitar riff creates a feeling of nostalgia and a wonderstruck sensation. It is as if the Jesus of Suburbia is reflecting on his relationship with Whatsername after years and years. In fact, the reason that Whatsername doesn’t have a name at all could be because the entire album is told by the protagonist looking back on his journey from many years in the future. Either way, this concept album is a beautiful one that creates a multilayered, musical story that I think many people can relate to in one way or another.

If you got to the end (I know it was super long), thank you so much for giving this a read! I hope you enjoyed it in some way. Once again, if you agree with me on certain points or you have different opinions, message me so we can have a fun chat!

[aion-rsa]

Upcoming DC Movies: Complete Release Calendar

https://ift.tt/3u2VfrU

The DC Extended Universe is in full swing! With a healthy schedule of upcoming DC movies in development, the DCEU isn’t going away anytime soon, and there’s still lots to look forward to.

So, it’s time to take a look at all of the DCEU superhero movies that will be released over the next few years. And trust us, there are a ton of them on the way, and we expect more details will be announced as we go forward. We have all the release dates for every one of ’em right here, as well as official details, the most interesting rumors, and suggestions for further reading where appropriate.

Thanks to HBO Max, Suicide Squad 2 is on schedule for August 2021, with The Batman, Shazam 2, Aquaman 2, and more due in 2022. There’s a bright future for the newly revitalized DCEU movies!

Here’s how this works, because the schedule is getting a little weird. We’re starting with the DCEU movies that officially have release dates attached to them. Then we’ll get into the stuff that we know for 100% certain is in development, but that don’t have release dates yet. Then we’ll get into some of the long shots, the projects that are announced but quiet or seemingly dead, at the bottom.

Keep in mind that many of these are the CURRENT release dates as of this update, and all of these are subject to change. We’ll keep updating this with more information as we get it…

Our first trailer. Warning: gore & adult language & supervillains & adventure & heart. Can't wait to see it in a theater with all of you on August 6. #TheSuicideSquad pic.twitter.com/HdqlGVP0lB

— James Gunn (@JamesGunn) March 26, 2021

Suicide Squad 2

Aug. 6, 2021

David Ayer going to be too busy with other projects until further notice, and none other than James Gunn (of Guardians of the Galaxy fame) has stepped in to write and direct Suicide Squad 2. This is now called The Suicide Squad, which indicates something of a soft reboot, but expect this to remain a DCEU movie.

The cast is positively bonkers.

Returning from the first film we have Viola Davis as Amanda Waller, Jai Courtney as Boomerang, Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flagg, and of course Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn Scheduling issues forced Will Smith to bow out of the project as Deadshot.

But then that new cast is wild! John Cena is Peacemaker, with Idris Elba as Bloodsport, David Dastmalchian will play Polka Dot Man. Daniela Melchor will play a genderswapped version of Batman villain Ratcatcher…and there’s more, including Sylvester Stallone as the voice of King Shark! We have a full breakdown of the cast right here.

Pandemic be damned, this one arrives on HBO Max AND in theaters simultaneously, so that August release date isn’t going anywhere.

The Batman

March 4, 2022

So, speaking of movies that had their release dates shifted because of the coronavirus pandemic, The Batman recently had to move from June to October of 2021 after its filming was put on hold fairly early on, and now it has had to vacate its October release slot for March of the following year, thanks to the aforementioned Dune reschedule, and also another production halt after star Robert Pattinson was diagnosed with Covid-19. Fortunately, principal photography has wrapped and this is now well on its way to meeting that release date!

The Batman solo movie has Matt Reeves as director. Robert Pattinson is the new Batman. Not only that, this movie will likely kick off a brand new trilogy of Batman movies. Expect a more low-key, detective focused approach to the Dark Knight than we’ve seen in previous movies.

Read more

Movies

New Batmobile Revealed for The Batman Movie

By Joseph Baxter

TV

The Actors Who Have Played Batman

By James Aquilone and 1 other

In addition to Pattinson as Bruce Wayne/Batman, Jeffrey Wright will play Commissioner Gordon. Jayme Lawson has a mystery role. Andy Serkis is Alfred Pennyworth. And then there are the villains to contend with! The Batman will feature an all-star rogues’ gallery of villains, with Paul Dano as the Riddler, Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman, and Colin Farrell as the Penguin.

DC Super Pets

May 20, 2022

OK, fine, this isn’t a DCEU movie project, and it’s an animated movie. But unless you have no soul, how can you resist Krypto, Streaky, Ace, Comet, and the rest of the amazing super pets? They had better be fighting the Brain Globes of Rambat in this movie, otherwise, we riot.

You can read more about DC Super Pets here.

Black Adam

July 29, 2022

Originally slated to be the villain of Shazam, Black Adam will instead be played by Dwayne Johnson in a solo movie. The character is certainly strong enough to sustain his own movie. Adam Sztykiel (Due Date, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul) is writing with Jaume Collet-Serra set to direct. 

Read more

Movies

Shazam: Who is Black Adam?

By Marc Buxton

Movies

Black Adam Powers and Abilities Explained

By Mike Cecchini

This is the kind of thing that could work as a nifty prequel to further flesh out the mystical world of Shazam if they choose to go that route. More importantly, this movie will feature the DCEU introduction of the Justice Society of America, including Aldis Hodge as Hawkman, Pierce Brosnan as Dr. Fate, Quintessa Swindell as Cyclone, and Noah Centineo as Atom Smasher!

We’re currently on the lookout for more info, but Black Adam is supposed to start filming in early 2021, which seems unlikely at this time because of the global coronavirus pandemic. This film had been scheduled for December of 2021, but lost that date with all of WB’s recent release date shuffles. It’ll happen, it’s just a question of when.

You can read a little more about the Black Adam movie here.

The Flash

Nov. 4, 2022

Andy Muschietti (of Warner Bros’ IT movies) is the latest director to try and get The Flash movie to the screen. This project has had a really rough road. Christina Hodson, who clearly made the studio happy with her Birds of Prey script, is writing.

Read more

Movies

Why James Wan Turned Down The Flash Movie to Make Aquaman

By Mike Cecchini

Movies

Crisis On Infinite Earths Confirms DCEU Movies With Ezra Miller Cameo

By Kayti Burt

Ezra Miller will reprise his Justice League role as Barry Allen. Kiersey Clemons is Iris West. Ron Livingston will play Barry’s father, Dr. Henry Allen (replacing Billy Crudup who played the role in Justice League). But here’s where things get crazy…Ben Affleck will return to the role of Batman for this movie. And Michael Keaton will ALSO return to the role of Batman for this movie!

How is this possible? Because it’s based on the DC Comics Flashpoint story, which for the purposes of the movies will be used to create a big screen multiverse. Wow.

Oh, and it that’s not enough, this movie will introduce Supergirl to the DCEU, played by Sarah Calle!

This movie has had an extraordinary amount of trouble getting off the ground, so let’s see if the combination of Muschietti and Hodson keep this one on schedule for that release date. Or any release date. But pre-production is well underway, so it looks like Ezra Miller’s Barry will finally get his day in the sun.

Aquaman 2

Dec. 16, 2022

After it made a billion dollars at the box office, you bet your trident that Aquaman 2 is happening! Right now the plan is for James Wan to remain involved and start developing the movie, but he won’t decide whether or not to direct it until there’s a script in place. Fair enough. Patrick Wilson seems set to return, though, and of course, Jason Momoa will be back.

You can keep up with all our Aquaman 2 news right here.

Shazam 2: Fury of the Gods

June 2, 2023

Shazam 2 is now officially called Shazam: Fury of the Gods and…that’s about all we know about it right now.

One thing is for sure, though, this movie will retain the look, feel, and charm that made the first one so successful, since both director David F. Sandberg and writer Henry Gayden are returning. And this time we’ll have an entire Shazam family to help out!

Wait…did we mention the Sinbad cameo? No, really!

Now, let’s get into the projects that are in the works, but don’t have release dates yet. We’ve grouped these roughly in the order we expect to see them based on how far along they are.

Blue Beetle

There’s a Blue Beetle movie in the works. And unlike the character potentially appearing in the Booster Gold movie (more on that down below), this one would focus on Jaime Reyes, the magical tech powered teenage hero who wields the scarab of original Blue Beetle, Dan Garrett. Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer (Miss Bala) is writing the script, with Angel Manuel Soto (Charm City Kings) directing.

There’s no release date yet, but this is scheduled to begin production in fall 2021, so maybe we can pencil in a 2023 release date.

Read more about the Blue Beetle movie here.

Untitled Superman Project

Ta-Nehisi Coates is working on a Superman feature film with J.J. Abrams producing. No other info is currently available, but it appears to be a reboot.

“To be invited into the DC Extended Universe by Warner Bros., DC Films and Bad Robot is an honor,” Coates told Shadow and Act when the news was announced. “I look forward to meaningfully adding to the legacy of America’s most iconic mythic hero.”

Will this continue Henry Cavill’s time in the role, or will it take a new approach? Will this be a completely different take on the Man of Steel altogether? Time will tell!

Zatanna

One of the most powerful magicians in the DC Universe is getting her own film, with a powerful writer attached. Emerald Fennell, who wrote and directed the brilliant Promising Young Woman has signed on to write a Zatanna movie for Warner Bros. No other details are available at this time, but you don’t sign an Oscar hopeful for a movie like this unless you’re serious about getting it moving.

The New Gods

Ava DuVernay will direct a movie based on Jack Kirby‘s New Gods. It’s not clear yet whether this will fit into the continuity of the other DCEU movies, but really, it doesn’t need to. The New Gods is a cosmic story of such incredible scale that there’s no reason to try and connect this to earthbound concerns. Tom King, the DC Comics writer who has made waves with his work on the New Gods-centric (and Eisner Award-winning) Mister Miracle series, is co-writing the screenplay with DuVernay.

The New Gods is the story of two worlds, the warlike Apokolips and the peaceful New Genesis, each populated by immensely powerful beings with fantastic technology. Darkseid is the evil dictator of Apokolips, and he swaps sons with Highfather, the leader of New Genesis, and each child is raised on the opposite world. Darkseid’s son, Orion, becomes a troubled champion of New Genesis, while Highfather’s son (raised by Darkseid) revolts and becomes the super escape artist, Mister Miracle. This barely scratches the surface of what this movie is about. We tried to get into more detail about it here.

The Trench

Aquaman director James Wan and producer Peter Safran are working on developing other corners of Arthur’s world in addition to Aquaman 2. The Trench will focus on the terrifying piranha-like beasts seen briefly in the first film, and will be a smaller-scale, more horror-focused movie, and one that won’t feature any of the main characters from Aquaman. A different approach to superhero movie worldbuilding, for sure. Noah Gardner and Aidan Fitzgerald are writing.

Read more about The Trench here.

Supergirl

Oren Uziel is working on a script for a Supergirl movie. It’s not clear what kind of ties this will have to the currently dead Man of Steel franchise, especially given the uncertain state of Henry Cavill’s future as Superman.

But one thing is for sure, the DCEU does have their Supergirl! Sasha Calle will be introduced as Kara in The Flash movie, and presumably she’ll lead this one, as well.

Green Lantern Corps

Fairly or unfairly, Green Lantern has the most working against him. The 2011 film failed to kickstart the DC Universe as planned, and received a lukewarm (at best) critical and box-office reception. There are, of course, ways around this.

Read more

Comics

The Secret Origin of Green Lantern: Far Sector

By Kayti Burt

Comics

New Green Lantern Series Expands Cosmic DC Universe

By Jim Dandy

One way is to simply not make Hal Jordan the central Green Lantern of the movie. Thisone may focus on as many as three Green Lanterns, with the main focus on a kind of buddy/cop movie with John Stewart and Hal Jordan. Geoff Johns is writing the script, but there’s no director in place yet, however Johns should be turning in his script soon and that will allow the director search to kick off in earnest. There’s also the recent announcement of an HBO Max Green Lantern TV show to consider. It remains to be seen what (if any) connection that will have to this movie.

We have more details on the Green Lantern Corps movie right here.

Plastic Man

This one is a little further off in the future as all they’ve done is hire a writer. But there is definitely a Plastic Man movie in the works, with Amanda Idoko (ABC’s The Mayor) working on a screenplay. We have some more details on it right here.

Blackhawk

Steven Spielberg has long wanted to make a Blackhawk movie, and he’s finally going to get his wish. And if it was your wish to see Steven Spielberg direct a DC movie, you’re also in luck. David Koepp is writing the screenplay. We have more details on this one here.

Batgirl

Joss Whedon was originally supposed to write, direct, and produce the Batgirl movie, one that was reportedly based on Gail Simone’s recent New 52 take on the character. He has exited the project and now Christina Hodson is writing. There is no director at the time of this writing, and rumor has it that this will be a project set to go direct to HBO Max.

Deathstroke

Joe Manganiello has long been cast as Slade Wilson, known to DC fans as Deathstroke. He even made a cameo in one of the Justice League theatrical post-credits scenes back when that was supposed to set up a Justice League 2 that never happened. But it turns out that the original version of that cameo in Zack Snyder’s Justice League was meant to set him up as the villain of The Batman solo movie (that is no longer the case), 

Deathstroke was also once set to get a solo film, written and directed by The Raid‘s Gareth Evans. Despite Manganiello returning for a brief scene as Deathstroke in Zack Snyder’s Justice League, it doesn’t seem likely that his solo film is happening anymore, which is a real shame as he would have been great in the role.

Justice League 2

Justice League 2 isn’t likely to happen at the moment given how the first film underperformed at the box office. It once had a release date, but that long since evaporated. Still, “The Snyder Cut” generated considerable buzz on HBO Max, and featured a teaser scene that was very much meant as a preview for what the director was looking for in his dark vision of Justice League 2.

Nightwing

The Lego Batman Movie director Chris McKay has been tapped to direct a Nightwing movie. Bill Dubuque (The Accountant) is working on a script. No other details are currently available, and this one doesn’t have a release date yet.

Justice League Dark

At one time this was called Dark Universe, until Universal came along and ruined that name with their failed horror movie shared franchise. This one will feature the supernatural characters from the DC Universe. Characters like Swamp Thing, Demon, Deadman, Zatanna, and even John Constantine.

Guillermo del Toro was attached to this one for quite some time, but had to leave the project. Then it was Doug Liman. Now J.J. Abrams is involved as producer for what will likely be an HBO Max series.

And now for the long shots…projects mentioned, rumored, or that haven’t had any movement in a while.

Man of Steel 2

Never officially announced, with no director or writer ever attached…another solo Superman movie starring Henry Cavill seems pretty unlikely at the moment. Especially considering that Henry Cavill appears to be finished as Superman, there’s an excellent Superman & Lois TV series on the air, and the aforementioned movie in the works from Ta-Nehisi Coates.

Cyborg

OK, to be perfectly honest, the Cyborg movie almost certainly isn’t happening. Ray Fisher made his first (very brief) appearance as Vic Stone/Cyborg in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and played a crucial role in Justice League. At one point he was supposed to feature in The Flash solo movie, too, but it’s not clear if that’s still the case.

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Comics

New DC Universe History Begins in May

By Mike Cecchini

TV

Crisis on Infinite Earths Ending Reveals New DC Multiverse

By Mike Cecchini

Basically, though…let’s be completely real: this movie isn’t happening. There hasn’t been any movement on it in years, despite once having been assigned an April 3, 2020 release date. As far as we can tell there has been no additional movement on this movie in years. It’s probably dead. Too bad, since Ray Fisher was great in the role.

Harley Quinn

Yes, there’s also another Harley Quinn movie in development! Well, at least there was at one point. Whether this is a solo project or something else remains to be seen. Keep in mind that while very good, Birds of Prey didn’t set the world on fire at the box office, which means that Warner Bros. might be a little more wary than before about additional solo projects for Harley, even with Margot Robbie’s star power. As for what shape this movie was supposed to take in the first place, your guess is as good as ours!

Gotham City Sirens

David Ayer is looking to direct a Harley Quinn and friends “girl gang” movie. Geneva Robertson-Dworet is writing, with Margot Robbie producing. It’s not clear where this stands on anybody’s priority list these days. Ayer has moved on to other projects, and as mentioned above, Birds of Prey wasn’t quite the financial success that Warner Bros. had hoped for. It’s possible that Gotham City Sirens has been put in a drawer for the time being.

Booster Gold

Flash and Arrow executive producer Greg Berlanti is going to executive produce and possibly direct a Booster Gold movie. Zack Stentz (Thor, X-Men: First Class) will write the script.

Read more

Movies

Men of Steel: 11 Actors Who Have Played Superman

By Mike Cecchini

Movies

Joker: 6 Actors Who Have Played the Clown Prince of Crime

By David Crow

Early reports described this as a “superhero buddy cop movie” that would involve Blue Beetle. We’ll get you more updates on this as they become available, but keep in mind there hasn’t been any movement on this in a long time, and the Jaime Reyes Blue Beetle movie is probably taking priority for the studio.

Deadshot

Warner Bros. knows they have one of the biggest stars in the world already in costume, so they’re reportedly considering a Deadshot solo movie, as well. But with Smith now having left Suicide Squad 2 this project seems like it may not ever materialize. Unless, of course, switching Idris Elba’s role (he was originally intended as Smith’s replacement as Floyd) means they’re keeping the door open for him down the road.

Lobo

The Lobo movie may attempt to be the DCEU movies’ equivalent of Deadpool. Jason Fuchs must have impressed Warner Bros. with his work on Wonder Woman, because he’s on board to write the script for this one. Michael Bay might direct. But with Lobo appearing on Krypton season 2 and a TV series for the character that had once been put into development (but is probably dead), this might be less of a priority for the studio now.

We have some more info on the project here.

Joker & Harley Quinn Movie

At one point there was yet another Joker-centric flick in the works. This one, a Joker and Harley Quinn movie is absolutely part of the DCEU movie continuity would pick up where Suicide Squad left off. There are currently no additional details available on this one, either. This probably won’t happen, however.

Warner Bros. is very happy with how their R-rated, out of continuity Joker movie performed both critically and commercially, and with Joaquin Phoenix’s Oscar win, it’s a safe bet that they’re at least quietly hoping to make him their definitive Clown Prince of Crime for the foreseeable future…even though Joker was never intended to be part of the DCEU.

Not to be confused with…

Jared Leto Joker Movie

Honestly, we’re having trouble keeping track of all these, but yes, there was also yet another Joker solo movie in development focusing on Jared Leto’s version of the character in the works at one point. Apparently, this has long been canceled, but we’re keeping it here to be safe for a little longer.

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We’ll keep updating this with more information about upcoming DC superhero movies as they get announced and information becomes available.

The post Upcoming DC Movies: Complete Release Calendar appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[blurrypetals]

Better Together by Christine Riccio - blurrypetals review

originally posted feb. 3, 2021 - ★☆☆☆☆

An ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. How to begin! This is my first ARC and, after nearly 6 years of reviewing every book I read, I was excited for the opportunity to read something in advance. I am still very excited! It is a really wonderful privilege to be able to read a book that isn't out yet. It was not, however, a privilege to read this book. This book was―and I cannot stress this enough―bad. While I didn't like Christine Riccio's first effort, Again, But Better, it still had some structure to it that made sense and, even if I didn't like it, it still had things about it where I could see why others might enjoy it, which is why I rated it a 2 of 5 and called it done. I didn't loathe Again, But Better but I did loathe Better Together. If this hadn't been baby's first ARC, I would not have finished this book. I usually never finish books I dislike as much as this unless they are so bad that they become funny. This couldn't even get to that point, this was just plain bad. This book was painful. One thing that kicked things off in a really poor fashion was Riccio's inability to distinguish the two girls' inner voices from one another. I was constantly having to thumb back to the top of a chapter just to check if it was a Siri or a Jamie chapter. And okay, yes, let's talk about names, shall we? I really hated the name Pilot Penn in Again, But Better but Riccio really had to outdo herself when she legitimately, actually, really named her two main characters after Jamie and Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones. This is something that is acknowledged in the text because the parents are mega freaks for Game of Thrones, and Riccio attempts to play it for laughs, but I'm sorry, there is no parent in the world, especially not people who are actually fans of those characters, who would legitimately name two siblings after the world's most famous incestuous siblings, and the fact that Riccio had the idea for it and kept it in is honestly a bit troubling. The dual POV from each girl does make sense thematically, but functionally, it does very little to serve the story, as both girls are going through such a similar journey that the book goes through the same lessons twice, making the book twice as long as it needs to be. I would have preferred Again, But Better as dual POV over this. There is so much time dedicated at the beginning toward Jamie and Siri being just soOOooOO dIfFeReNt that it was pretty painful from the start, especially with the lack of proper distinctive voices between the sisters' inner monologues. Not only are we basically given a laundry list of reasons why these girls are such opposites, but nobody talks like a real person in this book, least of all our main characters. Jamie swears like a sailor, but they're cute, colorful swears that nobody in real life would use! How different! Siri refuses to swear, instead using the word excrement instead of shit or intercourse instead of fuck. Again, this is played as a way to supposedly show how different the sisters are, but instead it only proves they do the same "look how quirky!" B.S. and it does nothing to endear the reader to them, only proving they are cartoon caricatures of caricatures, nowhere close to being relatable or interesting. So, let's get into the basic plot and setup, shall we? This book bills itself as an homage to Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap. How do I know this? Not only is that listed on the inside flap (which is fine, I'd like to establish; there's nothing wrong with listing your comps on the inside flap) but it's repeated multiple times in the text that the girls are in the middle of a Parent Trap-Freaky Friday situation. I don't know about you guys, though, but when I'm reading an homage to something, I really don't love it when the characters announce they are in the middle of an homage and then say the title of the thing the homage is to. I think Christine has a pop culture problem. Her whole life is centered around the things she watches, reads, and listens to. That's okay, so is mine! There's nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. There is, however, a problem with dragging constant pop culture references into your writing. Timothée Chalamet plays a weirdly large role here for some reason. I do not care to ever hear a Game of Thrones reference in anything ever again, because this has enough of them to cover me for the rest of my life. We also get Billie Eilish, Men in Black, and a plethora of other things here that only serve to make the reference to the thing and leave, adding nothing to the story and leaving me groaning in its wake. It's nowhere near as bad as it was in Again, But Better but it's still pretty bad here. Using a pop culture reference is not always a lazy choice; sometimes it can build your setting or show something your character is interested in, but rather than referencing something real, Christine could instead use her creativity to create a new, different show that the girls' parents were into, making all those constant Game of Thrones references feel more original and important to the story, rather than pulling a random bluray off her shelf and calling it good. I'd like to challenge Christine to write a book with no pop culture references. She may not be able to help herself. Speaking of laziness, the magic in this book feels particularly lackluster, even in comparison to the sorry excuse for magic in Again, But Better and, even before the magic begins, the girls are already planning to do a regular non-magical Parent Trap because they look so similar, so when the magic is introduced, it doesn't do much for the story. The girls also don't seem to learn much while in one another's shoes, making the justification for the magic feel entirely non-existent. There's also some weird business with glitter and sneezing that feels like a little too much in a post-COVID era, honestly. All in all, this was an extremely painful experience. I honestly have no idea how this book made it to this stage in the state it's in. It's extremely poorly written, pointless, and is filled to the brim with cringe, flat characters, and poor excuses for standup comedy routines. I really was willing to give Christine a chance to improve as a writer from her altogether lame debut, but unfortunately this only somehow proved to be worse.

[vaguely-concerned]

I played Death of the Outsider finally and I have some Feelings about it

and most of them not very positive. nice stuff first tho!

THINGS I LIKED:

- billie is such a good character. still new to her old self and slightly tender from coming out of the protective shell of lies that was meagan foster, full of old scars and doubts and bitterness but trying for something better, something kinder even though she still doesn’t quite understand what she’s walking towards -- the genuine care and tenderness in her voice when she talks to daud or thinks about deidre. I love her.

all that and she effortlessly IS also the queer disabled woc the gamer bros refuse to believe could possibly exist. exquisite. 

- the idea of ‘killing’ the outsider is compelling, but it’s the sort of idea that needs a full length game to support it and its implications. cool idea, completely wrong execution.

- saying that: I love that the injustice of the outsider’s creation being righted is only made possible by a long unbroken line of mercy and kindness. daud saved billie from the streets, corvo spared daud, daud saved emily and spared billie after her betrayal, billie tried to save aramis stilton and became entangled in the void, emily spared billie, billie took this job in the first place partly because she loves her dad daud and wants him to find peace. that idea is so beautiful that I wish the rest of the narrative was strong enough to hold it up lol.

there’s also something going on here with other people holding on to the important pieces of you -- that billie is ‘all that is left’ of daud after he’s dead. once he saved a child from true loneliness and gave her a purpose, made her feel seen again, gave her the closest thing she had to a home, and when he’s completely lost himself in the void... that kindness is still alive in billie, and she helps him find his way. again that is really touching and thoughtful and plays wonderfully into the chaos system in these games thematically! too bad about all the stilted dialogue and characterization messes and uh. everything else. 

- most of all I love how clear it is that billie and daud love each other. it’s a quiet love that has nothing to prove anymore, it’s survived all the blood and the ugliness and everything they’ve done to each other and to the world, a love with no demands left. it’s not the sort of love you usually see, in all its unsentimentality, but it’s real. when daud tells her he’s proud of her and trusts her no matter what she chooses to do, you feel how much he means it. (making his insistence on trying to make her choice for her all the weirder -- see my long rant of lamentation about his characterization in doto below lol)

there’s something about daud’s undramatic yet complete acceptance of and respect for billie that... I didn’t know I needed this, but it was a nice gift nonetheless haha, thank you. (it’s similar to how good it feels in D2 when you realize corvo just likes emily a lot as a person, even aside from her being his daughter. a good series for father & daughter stories)

- this carries over from D2, but I think the journal/log entries are better written and more insightful than the stuff out in the world.  

- it cannot be overstated how much the gameplay loop of these games is just... pure crack cocaine for my brain haha, very few things give me this specific kind of brain tingle. I love the sound of looting and I love the art style and ambiance and I love planning out a strategy after finding all the options and I love never being spotted or killing anyone and I love the puzzle elements they put into exploration sections and I love the feeling of how you move through the environment. it’s one of the few games where I routinely get so into it I end up with a crick in the neck because I’ve been so focused for so long and never noticed I’ve been sitting in a way that makes my entire spine hate me. I needed something to get me through the last few days and it did deliver that, at least. karnaca is pretty enough that I didn’t even mind that most of the levels were recycled from D2 either. 

- I’m not quite sure whether I understood this right but there’s a woman standing behind daud in the void -- I wonder if that is actually his mother and he’s been so close this whole time? at first I thought maybe it was jessamine but god no I hope she’s finally at peace after All That Nonsense, she shouldn’t have to hang around there anymore. there’s also a figure near him I could swear was corvo with his mask on, but he’s not dead canonically so that would make very little sense. oh well I’ll take my feels where I can get them even if I have to make them up wholesale  

- the bankheist was cool as fuuuuuck, that and the emotional impact of daud dying was sadly the height of this game for me, after that it all went mediocre real quick     

- paul nakauchi as shan yun was, as I have said before, a blast. ‘ugh I cannot continue my throat is as raw as a plucked pheasant’ fsdkfhlsadjkhfas

- daud’s funeral is genuinely touching. she gave him the entirety of her old life for a sendoff, battered and worn and dear as they both were. someone hold me 

THINGS I  H A T E D:

- the stuff they did with daud’s characterization. I am so unreasonably angry over this haha, the more I think about it the more I hate it. I think there are paths you could go with his ACTUAL character to make this work, but this was not it. I’ve said this before, but his most iconic, most defining scene is him surrendering himself to corvo’s judgement without justifying himself or deflecting the blame for any of what he’s done. this isn’t even regression in his character, it’s just.. a different character altogether. they could have gone for the angle that delilah almost managed to end the world b/c daud showed mercy and that’s the reason he’s moved to action, I think that might be a more compelling motivation for him at least. OR have him be more conflicted about how to do things -- violence is still the only tool he knows how to use but it’s not what he wants to or even can be anymore and the conflict troubles him, ‘His hands do violence, but there is a different dream in his heart’. or even use a different character for the ‘kill kill kill’ angle, he didn’t need to be here for this dlc at all.   

also, just on a purely practical level... for all his flaws and longstanding moral shortsightedness daud is not a stupid man. why the FCK would he be so sure that killing the outsider will fix anything? if I, dumbass extraordinaire, could within half a minute wonder if maybe something even worse would take the outsider’s place if you removed him... why does that never occur to the Knife of Dunwall tm, a man about Void for like half a century or whatever?? ugh fuck this, I’m having a hard time explaining exactly why it all feels weird and wrong to me, but know that it does and that I Do Not Like It lol. I feel cheated out of something important I thought I had.  

- again, this should have been a full game. (I think it is sold as one already, but it just hm isn’t) there’s way too much shit of literal cosmic importance for the game’s universe being picked up here for something this short to cover. save this HUGE idea for a rainy day should you ever want to do another game in the series and do something else with the dlc, honestly. 

- god but the outsider is insufferable in this. I don’t know what happened, but by the end I was like ‘*thoughtfully strokes chin* maybe daud has a point billie keep that knife handy’. he’s annoying and boring, which is wild to me because he was always a lot of fun in the other games.

for real tho I don’t know if this is just my atheist-but-still-angry-at-god-somehow??? talking, but daud HAS a point. people are responsible for their own actions, but the outsider didn’t have to do any of what he did either. he could have chosen to be bored through the centuries instead of seeing what people would do if you gave them such ~*morally neutral*~ abilities as y’know summoning a bunch of rats to eat other people. the game wants me to buy the ‘but really this black eyed boy is woobie tho uwu’ so badly and no I’m not buying that give me my refund I want my chaotic neutral bastard back pls. I’d probably be more inclined to want to help him like that. where’s his salt gone, arkane. if you didn’t want him to be edgy why did you make him look like that.  

- this is the lamest possible version of the outsider’s backstory lol, it feels like the pearl clutching panic about satanic cults back in the day all over. listen if it’s this easy to make a god the thrill is sort of taken out of it, if these randos did it anyone could. also how the fuck are they just normal-ish people anyway? why do they follow modern fashions? haven’t they been hanging around for thousands of years, haven’t their culture changed in any meaningful way? (I realize these aren’t the same guys as back in the day but it’s just weird) why do they speak a language billie and the player can understand? why did anyone think ‘idk some cultists no one’s ever heard of before with no thematic significance whatsoever’ was the way to go world building wise? they’ve taken all the unknowable eldritchness out of the eldritch horror and we’re all poorer for it now haha 

relatedly the last level is... just not very good. you come down from the awesome bank heist and then there’s... whatever the fuck this was.

- while I do like billie finding daud in the void and him remembering her I hate that he goes out still full of self loathing and rage when you talk him into the nonlethal option, that he can’t forgive himself or find any sliver of hope or peace. I wish there had been a few more moments for the two of them to come to peace with themselves before he gave the outsider back his name, some real catharsis. as it is I was annoyed when the outsider ‘woke up’ or whatever b/c it felt like he was stealing attention from what I was actually emotionally invested in and not done with.    

they had  n o t  built up billie’s or my sympathy for the outsider well enough either. again this is something I think they could have done if they’d structured things differently, if they’d been more deliberate in making you understand he was basically a child and letting you dwell on it. because there is a parallell there between him and billie, and billie and daud, but I, how do I put this, did not give a fuck  

in short this was really similar to my experience with D2 in that there’s enough good there that it’s all the more painful when it fails to deliver on it again and again, and it ruined things I already liked about this story from the first game (daud’s arc and everything to do with the outsider, mostly). give me some months of denial and hard core headcanon work and I’ll probably be able to live with it

[chiseler]

Unfunnymen

Sooner or later one has to face El Brendel, in the same way that sooner or later one has to face death.

But by way of working up to the grim task gently, let's start with Joe E. Brown. This vaudevillian, graced with an unnaturally wide mouth, which seemed on the verge of separating cranium from lower jaw, and giving him the flapping head of a South Park Canadian, spelled fortune to the exuberant, hearty, not particularly funny man who had been applied around this yawning abyss like lipstick.

We tend to remember Brown more fondly than his moderate talent deserves, because he delivers a classic closing line in a classic comedy. The line is "Well, nobody's perfect," and the film is Some Like It Hot (1959) and it's a good demonstration that great dialogue is often great because of context rather than because of the brilliant assembling of words. Here, the phrase is a commonplace one, but nobody can forget it when they've heard it used to cap the film's closing scene. Perhaps it was the prosaic nature of the line which caused its writers to doubt it: Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond wrote it the night before filming, and turned in saying "Maybe we'll think of something better in the morning.”

Joe E. Brown says the line the way he said about every line of his career, enthusiastically, with a goggly stare and an effort to draw the corners of his rubbery mouth as far apart as possible. Stretching his elastic features like a chest expander was basically all he did. He was blessed with a funny face, but what was under it? A perfectly ordinary skull. No funny bones here.

Brown starred - actually starred! - in a whole series of pre-code comedies which prove that not everything made at Warners in the thirties was forward-looking, funny and challenging. He played "lovable" losers who win in the end. Like Harold Lloyd only with his face gashed open. His leading ladies included Joan Bennett, Ginger Rogers, Olivia De Havilland, Ann Dvorak. To contemplate any of those films proceeding beyond the final clinch-and-fadeout is to consider bestiality. One feels Bette Davis was lucky to escape his all-consuming maw. Every other Warners contract starlet was engulfed.

It's safe to assume Wilder gave him his great late role because Brown brought with him associations of a bygone age. Brown would remind audiences of the kind of stuff people used to laugh at. He isn't precisely used as a butt, more as a threat. He seems so genderless, acceptable jokes can be made about him marrying a man. Now that dream is a reality, but Some Like it Hot still seems just a little transgressive, or at least a rare film from its period which manages to imply a questioning of gender roles. Maybe Brown's earlier work would have been improved if he hadn't been required to show interest in girls. He would make a perfect speculative fiction hypothesis of what the third sex might look like. And his best quality as a comic is his alienness: like Harry Langdon, he seems to have beamed down from another world, some kind of asexual clown planet.

Warners had plenty of unappealing comic actors, but they didn't tend to make them leading men. And in small doses, mugs like Guy Kibbee or Hugh Herbert could work. H.H. had one bit of schtick, to say "woo-woo" and giggle inanely while flapping his stubbing fingers in nervous benediction. He did that for about twenty-five years and was never fatally shot or bludgeoned to death. Those were, in many ways, more tolerant times.

Woo-woo Hugh and "the Clown Prince" Brown appear together in Warners all-star A Midsummer Night's Dream, as rude mechanicals, which is perfect casting. A crowd of unfunny funnymen, delivering Shakespeare's less clever material, as background to Jimmy Cagney. The world has acquired some kind of order. But one film later, Brown will be in the lead again, baffling us.

It's bizarre that Brown played leads, since his equipment seems to better suit second banana roles. But its not as mystifying as the career of dialect comedian El Brendel, which requires the aid of a conspiracy theory to make it in any way intelligible.

The story is told that when studio boss William Fox was in a car accident, Elmer Brendel was the only one around with the right blood group to save his life. In gratitude, Fox disfigured his studio's entire output by thrusting the smirking, talentless goof into film after film.

El Brendel was in some good films, like the Oscar-winning Wings. But he's always the worst things about every film he's in, whether it's a classic like Wings or a schlock snooze like The She Creature (1956) at the far end of his career. A farrago about sea monsters and hypnosis, it's hilarious except when El is doing his comedy relief.

El Brendel's schtick was to play a fake foreigner - the Synthetic Swede was his sobriquet. With his little quacking voice he would play naive malaprops, garbling the English language. But he couldn't help smiling in apparent self-satisfaction at each of his would-be funny lines. For a character who's not supposed to know he's funny, this was a terrible mistake, and may explain why I want to murder El Brendel whenever I see him. There's a special circle of hell for comedians who act like they think they're funny. At its centre lies Red Skelton, encased in ice. But I like to think El Brendel is nearby, forced to listen to Red Skelton laugh at how hilarious he thinks he is. For eternity.

Asides from his tight little quarter-moon smile and his twinkly little quarter moon eyes in his punchable face, El Brendel is the comedian without qualities. To see him in what passes for action is to be reminded how much more than a mock accent Chico Marx brought to the screen. Chico was an incredible actor - the Brando of atsa-no-good. El Brendel couldn't even gesture at being funny. In William Wellman's You Never Know Women (1926), the clown makes his debut, playing a clown. It's all there, or rather it isn't, from the start. He is born fully unformed. Wellman resorts to putting him on a wire to try and make him funny. He doesn't even make a decent puppet. The presence in the film of an angry knife-thrower has you praying for a severed artery, but it never comes. Brendel would hang on to his eight pints until William Fox needed one of them. He wasn't talented, but he could marshal his resources.

El Brendel is not an actor, he's not a comedian, he's a gimmick in a flesh suit.

If Joe E. Brown was popular because people with an undeveloped sense of humor require comedians who look like clowns even without facepaint, and El Brendel was successful because movie executives need blood like everyone else, Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry, who used the stage name Stepin Fetchit, is a different case.

Fetchit only appeared as a supporting player, but his effect was striking, slowing any scene he was in to the pace of coastal erosion. For that alone, he deserves acknowledgment, whether you welcome his derailment of fast-talking thirties movies or not.

The discomfort Fetchit produces today qualifies him as an honorary unfunnyman, since he was a black actor specializing in playing servant characters of awesome slow-wittedness. Sloping apelike into a scene, his lower lip hanging like the rear flap on a truck, as if the energy to raise it were missing, Stepin Fetchit seems to embody every negative stereotype of his day. Billed as "the laziest man alive," he melded lethargy with ignorance to create a perfect simulacrum of stupidity.

But Perry was very popular with black audiences, who understood something white viewers missed. How much fun it would be, to act like Fetchit in front of white authority! They can punish you for disobedience, but not for your failure to understand an order. Nobody was going to get any meaningful work out of this man, sunk as he seemed to be in the depths of psychomotor retardation. It seemed to be all he could manage to raise his head above chest level. His voice issued in a reedy rasp, painfully stringing words together like an infant assembling building blocks, with the sentences liable at any moment to falter, turn back on themselves, or fade out altogether. Will Rogers, embodiment of the benign white master, could demonstrate his saintliness by finding Fetchit's stream-of-unconsciousness monologues interesting, enlightening.

It is questionable whether even John Ford, who cast Fetchit regularly even after liberal embarrassment had rendered him largely unacceptable elsewhere, understood the subversive side of the comic's character. Probably he just found him funny, and a useful modifier of the generally rambunctious Ford comic scene. Fetchit had the legendary minus factor: entering a scene charged with high emotion, he could make it feel as if someone had left. Where other actors are praised for presence, he had absence. Looking around him in bewilderment, he forced the narrative to its knees, to proceed at the slothlike pace of his dull comprehension.

Of course, the joke cut both ways, since the Fetchit character made white audiences feel comfortably superior. But it's hard now to look upon his schtick without feeling racial shame, an inward cringe. The last laugh is Stepin Fetchit's: no one else is laughing.

by David Cairns

[michael-radi-the-glamorous-life]

Take It To The Chorus

What is a chorus? And for that matter, what is a verse?

These seem like fairly general music terms that we all know, but do we?

I’m pretty sure that most people could at least tell you that they’ve heard of the terms chorus, verse, and bridge before, and could most likely give you a general definition.

Well, at least as far as pop music goes.

But in musical theatre, these things have a slightly different meaning. And it has dawned on me slowly over the past several years that there are many creatives in the industry (directors, performers, etc., and yes, some writers) who are not exactly sure what these terms mean when applied to musical theatre music.

So, what do they mean?

Song Form

Most pop music of the past 40 years has a very specific and formulaic song structure, and it’s one that is extremely familiar to us. It goes something like this:

Verse

Verse

Chorus

Verse

Chorus

Bridge

Chorus

Chorus

There might be some variations to this theme - for instance, a lot of more recent songs include a Pre-Chorus before the Chorus comes back. Or perhaps there’s fewer Verses, or there aren’t 2 Choruses at the end of the song.

Either way, this is a tried and true song structure for pop music, and an excellent formula for anyone looking to write in the genre.

What about theatre music? Is it just as formulaic?

Well, yes and no.

“Thanks, Michael. What a clear and concise answer.” Hold on, dear reader!

Musical theatre doesn’t have an all-permeating full song structure because songs in a show can do work in a thousand different ways. And the structure of the song changes depending on what kind of work the music is doing.

“Huh?”

As a very basic example, music in theatre can be (very generally) either a “song” or a “musical scene.” A “song” is more self-contained and generally does work for one character or a small grouping of characters, whereas a “musical scene” might be a more all-encompassing number that goes back and forth between sung lines and dialogue, and likely includes a large group of singers or the entire ensemble.

And just based on that information, you can see how you wouldn’t want to structure a “song” and a “musical scene” the same way.

But that’s just one example of many ways that musical theatre music can differ in structure, based on the kind of work it is doing in the show.

“So, how does this relate to Verse and Chorus terminology?”

Excellent question.

Verse

In pop music, the Verse is the part of the song where the music repeats, but the words change.

Here’s an example from Adele’s “Hello”:

Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet…

Hello, can you hear me? I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be…

Same melody (basically), but different lyrics. And these come before the first Chorus, though she also does another Verse later on. (Hello, how are you?…)

Now, in theatre music, a Verse does similarly come before the Chorus and does a lot of introductory work in the song, but we generally only hear that music one time.

It comes before the song proper and sets up what we’re going to sing about in the rest of the song. It also helps go from dialogue into singing less jarringly than suddenly belting face in the middle of a spoken line.

A classic musical theatre example would be from “If I Loved You” in Carousel. Julie leads into the song proper by singing:

“When I worked in the mill, weaving at the loom, I’d gaze absent-minded at the roof. And half the time the shuttle’d tangle in the threads and the warp’d get mixed with the woof. If I loved you…And somehow I ken see, jest exactly how I’d be…”

She sets up for us that she’s gotten lost in thought in the past about what it would be like to be in love with someone, before she then sings a song describing what that would be for her or mean to her if she were in love.

So, the Verse is the introduction. What’s the Chorus?

Chorus, Hook, and Refrain

Let’s start with the Hook. Both pop and musical theatre songs have them. What is it?

Hook - A musical and lyrical idea, often a phrase, word, riff, or passage, that encapsulates what the song is about and repeats in a way that catches the ear of the audience.

So in “Hello” that would be both:

Hello from the other side…and

Hello from the outside…

And in “If I Loved You” it would be:

If I loved you…

As you can see, in musical theatre, the hook and the title are also often the same.

What about the Chorus itself?

Well, like the way that the Hook is repeated throughout a song, in Pop music we actually repeat the entire Chorus every time we sing it. Usually, when the Chorus comes back, we sing the entire thing again - both music and lyrics.

So the Chorus of “Hello” is really:

Hello from the other side I must've called a thousand times To tell you I'm sorry For everything that I've done But when I call you never Seem to be home

Hello from the outside At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry For breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly Doesn't tear you apart anymore

And because the entire Chorus repeats in a pop song, we can also simply call it the Refrain. It’s something that repeats and that we all can sing together.

Theatre music has a different usage of Chorus altogether.

In order to give more information about the characters and move the plot forward, theatre music cannot waste valuable music time repeating itself as often as pop music does. Sometimes we can and we do, especially in big ensemble songs and musical scenes, but not nearly as often.

Instead of having an entire Refrain every time the Chorus rolls around, theatre music relies on the Hook alone to do the full repetition work. The rest of the words are there to continue the storyline of the show, which is why we go to the theatre after all - to see and hear stories being told.

Now, there will be melody repetition in the Chorus, but it’s usually based on one of two structures.

AABA and ABAC

“What is this strange conglomeration of letters, Michael?”

These are the most common structures for a Chorus in musical theatre.

In theatre, we generally refer to this as a “32-bar Chorus” - meaning that there are approximately 32 measure over which the music of the Chorus is written.

And we break those 32 bars down into 4 distinct 8-measure sections - either structured as AABA or ABAC.

Let’s look at AABA, since it’s the most commonly used and it fits with our example of “If I Loved You.”

The A section is the 8-measure section that contains the Hook and helps further the meaning of what the song is trying to say.

The first A section of “If I Loved You” is:

If I loved you, (HOOK) Time and again I would try to say All I'd want you to know.

So now we’re talking about some more specific information of what would happen if she did love Billy. It’s not just the hook, there’s more to it. But that’s not quite enough information yet, so we have to expound upon the idea more with another A section:

If I loved you, Words wouldn't come in an easy way Round in circles I'd go!

Okay, now we’re learning more. And the music is almost identical to the first A section, even though we have different lyrics now.

Then we get to the B section, which takes the song in a slightly different direction. B sections do not contain the hook and they usually represent some type of opposite idea to the A sections in order to give more depth and contrast.

Longin' to tell you, But afraid and shy, I'd let my golden chances pass me by!

The A sections so far have been about how Julie would feel if she were in love, but the B section talks about how that would affect her actions. Along the same lines as the A sections, but a slight change to the main idea.

Then we finish with a final A section:

Soon you'd leave me, Off you would go in the mist of day, Never, never to know how I loved you If I loved you.

Now we talk about the consequences of the A and B sections to bring the entire Chorus to a conclusion of some kind. The music is similar to those first two A sections, but it changes slightly, extends a little past 8 measures, and reaches a melodic climax. And if you notice, the Hook is still there, but it got moved to the end of the section to help provide that sense of conclusion.

And that would be the structure of a musical theatre Chorus. 32ish bars, AABA.

ABAC is a similar structure that does slightly different work, but I won’t go into those specifics today. Today I simply wanted to show that there is a difference in the terminology usage of Verse and Chorus between pop music and theatre music.

So?

Why is this important?

Well, perhaps to most people it is not. But for creatives in the theatre industry, knowing this terminology and its differences can not only help you be confident in what you’re talking about, but these structures can help you decipher the intentions of the writers. And with that, there are clues to character development and plot devices that are useful in putting on a show.

Perhaps we will discuss more about song structure in the future, but I hope you enjoyed today’s beginner crash course!

Cheers!

[feadae]

Yo so I’m gonna rant a little about the murder mystery dinner theater show I did over the weekend because I’m still in Post-Show Mode, which means that this is all I’ll be talking about for at least a week, if not more, because I miss the show and don’t want it to be over Brace yourself

So the show is called Final Cut and the story is that all the characters are B-list Hollywood stars (3 actors, a director, a casting director, and a makeup artist) and the audience is a bunch of potential backers for the director’s new movie, in which all of the characters are involved. Then murder happens and one of the actors takes it upon himself to solve the case before anyone calls the police, since being witnesses/accessories to a murder would not be good for the careers of anyone present.

It occurs to me that I’m gonna be using names a lot and that you know precisely none of these people and presumably none of these characters so quick key: Me = Cherri Pitt (ba-dum-tss) = Slightly desperate actress new to Hollywood, hellbent on keeping Eddie in line and keeping the lead role, dating Rock because he has connections, pretending to be dumber than she is Nick = Rock Stud = Leading man opposite Cherri, dating Cherri, neither the brightest nor the humblest crayon in the box Jason = Eddie Cheek = Director of the movie, stole the script and claims to have written it himself, Douchebag of the Year (played by the sweetest human being on the planet--gotta love acting), murdered second Faith = Nova DeVoe = Second lead in the movie, One Diva to Rule Them All, known for stealing lead roles from other actresses, murdered first, Rock’s ex-wife and Eddie’s ex-lover, found Eddie and Cherri sealing the movie deal as it were Katherine = Billie Clubb (ba-dum-tss) = Casting director, head of a bankrupt management company, the real author of the script Eddie stole and SPOILER ALERT the killer, the script doesn’t say so but Katherine decided that Billie’s gay--it’ll become relevant later Shannah = Quinnie Winston = Eccentric makeup artist, works on all of Eddie’s movies because Eddie hit her with his car and arranged a deal with her where he’d employ her if she didn’t take him to court, it’s revealed about halfway through that she faked the car accident and that she’s done it before and been arrested for fraud Savannah = director of the show = One of the most amazing people alive

It was a lot of firsts for me, including my first murder mystery dinner theater, and every second of it was So Much Fun

We only had two weeks of rehearsal, and even though there were some bumps along the way (missing people for several rehearsals due to unavoidable schedule schtuff; being told two days before our dress rehearsal that we couldn’t actually pull costumes from the costume closet, etc.), those bumps resulted in really fun things (one night we were missing Faith, Nick, and Jason--half our cast--so Shannah, Katherine, and I did character work with Savannah for nearly three hours, just talking through our characters’ backstories and attitudes toward various things and people and backgrounds with each of the other characters, which was really fun and resulted in us doing the same thing the next day with Faith, Nick, and Jason, which was even more fun, because Faith and Jason did the whole thing in character like they were on a talk show, and their characters are giant divas/asshats, so it was hilarious. Because of the Costume Veto, we had/got to go thrift shopping for our costumes, and Nick, Jason, Shannah, and I all went together, which was super-fun. We talked and joked and it felt really nice to become closer to these people who are all so sweet and so much cooler than me. Jason found a scooter, wheeled around on it like a giant, adorable child, then proceeded to buy it for himself along with the tux he needed for the show. I was looking for a red dress, since my character’s name is Cherri and it Works, and we couldn’t find one that fit that day, so the next day, Jason drove me to another thrift shop and we found a perfect dress nearly straight away and spent the next half-hour or so just browsing the store and chatting and if he weren’t in the most adorable relationship I’ve ever seen with Nick, I’d have the Crush to End All Crushes on him, like the child I am. That being said, I have Friend Crushes on literally this entire cast and just about 90% of the theater department as a whole. Anyway)

Like I said, the show was a lot of firsts for me, and more firsts included the first time I’ve ever worn red lipstick, liquid eyeliner, or fake eyelashes (all very fun to play with but way too much effort to be worth wearing for anything other than theater). I had to have help putting on the eye makeup; otherwise, I would certainly have gone blind. But multiple times, I was told I looked really nice, which you better know I have internalized like there’s no tomorrow (compliment people, folks; you never know, you might just make their day/week/life/etc.). This was also my first role involving sex, bc I am a Smol Bean Child both inside and out. No sex happened during the show (see again the Smol Bean Child point), but it was a big part of my backstory and a big part of why I’m suspicious. It’s established that my character, Cherri, is new to Hollywood and has had so many failed auditions that when she auditioned for Eddie (played by Jason the Adorable) and he proposed a casting-couch deal, she agreed (don’t worry--she got evidence of it so she could blackmail him if he stepped out of line), and now she’s got her first lead role in a movie. Also, Cherri started dating her costar Rock (played by Nick the Tol) at the first readthrough for the movie, and that had really fun implications for our cast because 1) Nick is 6′4″ and I’m 5′2″ and Rock & Cherri were supposed to be all over each other all night and she was supposed to be hanging on his arm a lot of the time so for half the rehearsal process my hands were up by my face, then I got 4-inch heels (which were 3 sizes too big for me--ha!) and during the actual show they were closer to my sternum but it was still funny whenever I cuddled him because it was like “here let me nuzzle your elbow, Rock, dearest” and 2) Remember when I said that Jason and Nick are dating each other? They’re the Cutest Cute to Ever Cute and I will fight you on this I get diabetes every time I see them interact out of character but it was really fun to pretend to have slept with both of them when they’re dating each other irl. I think it was our mutual friend & castmate Jamie (a different Jamie than the one who will turn up later) who called it “living the dream” when I told her, and I was only half-kidding when I agreed (It doesn’t help my juvenile brain that Jason is bi, so me dating him is a “plausible” fantasy--dammit brain knock it off).

I’m really proud of all the character work I did, though, and I loved going really deep into my backstories with everyone and with myself (I have a 12-page Word document of stuff I came up with for Cherri and I could easily have done more if we’d had more than 2 weeks of rehearsal), and I loved the guided-improv style of the show (we had less of a script and more of a sequence of events, with really important Here’s-A-Clue lines being scripted, and in between big important “scenes” we mingled with the guests in character but we had so much character work done that it was less like improv, which terrifies me, and more like a real conversation, which terrifies me slightly less). We’d done so much character work that I felt like Cherri was for the most part a full-fledged human, whom I was temporarily inhabiting, rather than a character I was playing, which I’m told is what acting is supposed to be, and it was a blast. There were hiccups, of course--improv’s not my strong suit, and I did sort of procrastinate on memorizing the scripted lines I did have--but it was all still super fun, and the show went really well! 

More miscellaneous memories:

-The time Faith was helping me fix my hair and just looked me in the face and said “Cali, you’re so pretty” and I Melted -The few times people would tell me I looked great in Cherri’s dress (you better know I internalized that shit) -The lift that wasn’t (at the end of the show, after the killer is revealed and apprehended, I’m supposed to leap into Rock’s arms and proclaim him my hero. Remember, Rock is 6′4″, I’m 5′2″, and I’m in a floor-length, close-to-the-legs dress and 4-inch heels that are 3 sizes too big. That ain’t gonna work. So we changed it to a ballroom-dance lift where I’d be on his hip and he’d spin me around then put me back down instead of me being in his arms and kissing him the way the script says (cue sigh of relief because I’ve never kissed anyone before onstage or off and I didn’t want to subject poor Nick to what I’m sure would Not have been a Good Time). Then we tried it in costume and between me not being able to jump in the Hell Heels and Nick not being able to get a steady hold of me, we decided to just cut the lift altogether and just hug each other instead) -The stage fall that wasn’t (nearer the beginning of the show, a kerfuffle is heard offstage: Rock says, “What are you doing? No!” And screams and you hear an explosion and Rock throws himself into the room as though thrown back by the explosion. He pretend-dies and freaks us all out, then reveals that it was a prank and Eddie threatens to fire him for it. When we started rehearsals, poor Nick was understandably apprehensive about throwing himself onto the hard-wood (or whatever the heck that substance is) floor, since he’s so Tol and he says he wasn’t very good at stage falls in Movement (I refuse to believe there is anything this Angel is not good at, but I digress). So we ended up having him crawl onstage as though mortally wounded, which we decided was funnier anyway, since it took so long and was exactly the kind of extra Nick had decided Rock was) -The dumb names that our audience members wrote on the name cards we gave them and with which we had to address them all night (including but not limited to Captain Schmitty Jones, Two-Tap Shakur, Me No, Schnitzel, and Dr. Dixmal--I had fun appealing to “Dr. Dixmal” when Nova died; I looked right at him and said, “You’re a doctor! Do something!” And he Panicked. “Me No” about died laughing.)   >“Me No” later told me that his name came from when everyone was mingling around before the plot really started and Eddie had come up to him and said, “I like your shirt; who made it?” He responded, “Me,” because he had in fact made it himself, and Eddie went, “What’s Me’s last name?” Jamie (“Me No’s” real name) just looked at him and went, “No...” Eddie walked away, muttering “Me No...” And Jamie put it on his name card and that was that. -The audience’s investment in the show and in messing with us   >They had really vocal reactions to both of the deaths and to everything else.   >I was asked point-blank what was in my purse multiple times during the ten-minute window where there was nothing in it but Cherri didn’t know there was nothing in it, so I panicked and said “just lady things,” and that became a meme for the rest of the night, including when we were lined up along the front for questioning and it was brought up again and I kept insisting it was “just lady things” and Jamie (“Me No”) said “It’s okay, honey, we’ve all seen a tampon before” and started a chant of “Lady things! Lady things! Lady things!” Reacting to that in character was an Adventure.   >Jason’s sister and cousin gave all the characters nicknames, which we didn’t discover until the killer was revealed and Jason’s sister shouted, “Billy Ray Cyrus, no!” (I asked them later what my nickname was and they admitted to calling me Cherri Armpit--I expect nothing less)   >When Eddie died, he had the knife that killed him in his hand (he was stabbed in the back, though; clearly homicide) and Rock took it and later used it to threaten Billie when she was revealed as the killer. He pulled it on her and Jamie shouted “Kill her!” Billie took the knife from Rock and threatened him with it while she monologued and Jamie shouted “Kill him!”   >One person called me over while we mingled to ask what my favorite color was (I said red, because my name is Cherri and it Works) and why my dress was red and why I had “lady things” in my purse (“for...I dunno...blood??”).   >A few people asked what was on my recorder after I’d semi-privately threatened Eddie with it and after he’d stolen it from my purse but before I was scripted to reveal it to everyone, so I had to dodge the question and when they asked if I could play it for them, I ended up saying it depended on how Eddie behaved and walking away as mysteriously as I could before they could ask any more questions.   >There were a few instances during the mingling sessions where Billie called me over to insist that I could do better than Rock and several audience members overheard and agreed with her (it pained both me and Cherri to have to defend Rock).   >When Eddie died, he had my recorder in his hand and it was scripted that I go straight for it, and when I did, Jamie yelled at me, “He’s dead, girl!”   >He also challenged Rock to spell motive when Rock was saying he was going to figure out everyone’s motives for killing Nova and Eddie, and Rock stood there for a second before starting, “E...” and I ended up having to feed it to him.   >During one of the mingling sessions, Rock was talking about how smart he was, and to prove it, he said, “Did you know that there are actually two Himalayas? Yeah. One’s in Africa and one’s in Europe.” Eddie overheard him and mocked him for it, and it came back later and Jamie overheard and yelled, “That’s not even a little bit true!” I ended up having to defend Rock again, leading to me looking Eddie in the eyes and saying, “If there’s only one, why is it called the Himalayas?” Cherri was screaming inside her head; she graduated magna cum laude from Bryn Mawr, and this is what she’s doing?    >My friend Gaston came to watch our dress rehearsal, because we needed humans on whom to practice, and I need you to understand before I tell this story that Gaston is Good and Pure and Must Be Protected. When Nova died, it was revealed that she’d prepared an acceptance speech for when Eddie took the lead role from me and gave it to her, and Quinnie had to read it out loud (it was a Cleverly Disguised summary of everyone’s motives to kill her), and it hammered home just how much of a diva she was. So during the subsequent mingling session, I went over to Gaston and said, “I’m surprised she didn’t write anything about how humble she was” (I was supposed to let how smart I really was show upon occasion so that audience members would suspect me). Gaston the Good and Pure responded, “Well, I’m sure she’s humble wherever she is now.”   >There’s a scene where I lose my recorder and accuse Eddie of stealing it because he knew it would get him blacklisted if I played it for anyone, and Rock comes up and asks me what’s wrong, and I’m supposed to say, “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Rock. Eddie promised me the female lead if I, well...if I...you know...well, let’s just say that he’s a strong advocate of the casting couch,” and I keep going. But in those pauses on Saturday, our dear friend Jamie took the opportunity to interject, “It’s okay; you can say blowjob.” This guy made it really hard to stay in character sometimes, let me tell you.   >So when Eddie died, he had a blood pack that was supposed to be in his mouth but was too big for him to reasonably conceal it and still be able to bite down on it, so he held it in his hand and broke it with his hand while coughing to make it look like he was coughing up blood. For both the dress rehearsal and the performance, Jason left that blood pack on the floor with the knife that killed him, which he had also been holding, when Nick and Shannah picked him up and carried his “body” offstage. At the dress rehearsal, our test audience was two people and neither of them said anything about the blood pack, but Rock pointed it out and asked, “Is that a used condom? Such a pervert.” (Our blood packs were indeed condoms filled with stage blood and Scotch-taped shut.) For the performance, while Rock and Quinnie were carrying Eddie away, several people asked, “You’re just gonna leave the knife there?” before Rock was supposed to pick it up, and “Captain Schmitty Jones” asked what the blood pack was, to which Rock responded, “It looks like a used condom. Eddie was always a pervert.” The whole room exploded (led by--you guessed it--Jamie), to the point where I almost didn’t hear Billie comment, “Well, I wouldn’t know.” (See it’s funny because she’s gay and therefore doesn’t use condoms--humor)   >After the remaining suspects were lined up and questioned, we asked everyone to write down who they thought was the killer and why, and then before revealing who the killer was, we went over the solutions so we could give prizes for the most and least correct ones. Three separate people submitted that Billie killed Nova and Eddie because she was in love with me (Katherine had decided that Billie was gay, but hadn’t outright told anyone, because the show was supposed to take place in the 1950s), so snaps to Katherine for Quality Acting and letting her character work shine through.   >One person submitted the solution that I had thought was correct when I first read the play: Quinnie killed Nova because Nova knew about Quinnie’s habit of jumping in front of cars and suing the drivers, and Cherri killed Eddie because he had broken his promise to her and given the lead to Nova and then to a random audience member after Nova’s death (and also I decided that it would have been because she hardcore hates Eddie because he’s a scumbag and she hates that she stooped to the casting-couch level and just Angst) -General fun with my fellow actors   >One rehearsal, we didn’t have Katherine, so Jason stood in for her when we had to run over the end of the show, when and after Billie is revealed as the killer. This scene includes Billie being shoved into a chair, forced into handcuffs, and screaming and kicking in frustration after she’s caught. The sounds and facial expressions Jason made were generally adorable and hilarious (he has one sound in particular that can only be written down as “oh!” but is So Much Cuter and that’s the sound he made when Nick shoved him into the chair it was great)   >The script says that Cherri and Rock are very lovey-dovey with each other almost at all times, and that was an adventure at first because Nick is really only lovey-dovey with Jason and I’ve never had an opportunity to be lovey-dovey with anyone so I Don’t Know How, but as the rehearsals continued, we got more comfortable with cuddling each other, and it got to the point where he booped my nose of his own accord and it was Great (is this what human affection feels like)   >When we entered, we all had a quick introductory spiel to give, and in Rock’s, he mentions that he was the lead on a TV show that was cancelled after 6 episodes. The show was called Sky Fling, Pilot PI, and Nick decided to make it a running gag that Rock could never say it right, even though he was the lead in the damn thing. So I made it a running gag that every time Rock stumbled on it, Cherri would say quietly, “Sky Fling, Pilot PI, dear.” To which Nick/Rock responded by patting me on the head and telling anyone who was listening, “She’s so cute when she tries.” And like it was a dick move for Rock, and Cherri hated it, and I’m not usually a fan of being patted on the head (which has actually happened to me before, very condescendingly, and I hated it), but I kinda liked it when Nick/Rock did it??   >Our introductory spiels weren’t in the script; we had to come up with them, and when I improvised mine the first time we did it, it was a bit of a trainwreck, so that night after rehearsal I wrote a speech up and sent it to the director for editing and she said it was great and didn’t need to be edited, so that was Validating as Heck   >Backstory: there’s a scene before Nova’s death when she says one too many rude things about me and I run up and shove her and say, “I heard the horrible things you said about me!” Then she proceeds to continue to be a terrible human being and says loudly enough for the whole room to hear, “We could have even been friends if I hadn’t found you with Eddie in my bed.” I lose it and try to strangle her, shouting, “Take it back!” because this is the first time it’s revealed for the whole audience to hear that I slept with Eddie (this is after I confront him with the recorder, but that’s quiet and only implies that we slept together). So, during one of the last rehearsals, while Rock is monologuing about how Nova’s body had red marks on her neck, so she must have been strangled, I felt someone’s eyes on me and found Billie staring pointedly at me, which was legitimately terrifying, so of course we had to put it into the actual show.   >During the dress rehearsal on Friday, I had a real live good improv moment! During one of our mingling sessions, Billie got fed up with me and said that I was nothing special, because there had been a thousand new, desperate actresses to whom Eddie had given the casting-couch deal. She said to me, “There are a thousand Cherri Pitts out there.” Without even thinking, I innocently tilted my head and said, “No, I’m the only one called Cherri Pitt.” Savannah told me afterward that she had had to physically restrain herself from cackling when I’d said that, so that felt really good.   >The performance on Saturday night was the first time we’d run the killer reveal with actual (plastic) handcuffs, and it turned out to be an adventure. Quinnie spent at least a whole minute, if not longer, trying to get one of Billie’s hands cuffed, and then was struggling so hard with the other hand that Rock had to help her (I desperately wanted to help, but I was supposed to stay on the other end of the room so I could run to Rock all dramatic-and-romantic-like after Billie was cuffed), and when they finally got her cuffed, there was enough time for the audience to applaud just a little, and then Billie tried resisting and yanked herself right out of the cuffs, so I gave up on my blocking and went over there and ended up just hovering uselessly while Quinnie just held Billie in place while Rock gave his triumphant monologue, ending with “Who’s the moron now, Billie Clubb?” Our dear friend Jamie chimed in with “Still you, dude.” I ended up only crossing a couple of feet to declare Rock my hero instead of the whole room. Dramatic.   >So, by now you know that the recorder on which I recorded Eddie’s arrangement with me is pretty dang important to the plot. Well, for the whole rehearsal process, I’d been using my phone as a stand-in for it, assuming we’d have one in the prop closet which we could pull and I would use and it would be great. Not so--the closest thing the prop closet had to a cassette recorder was this big-ass boombox that must have been two feet across and weighed as much as a small dog. For the performance itself, Faith lent me a cassette player she had, and that fit in my purse and it was fine, but for the dress rehearsal, I got to run and get this behemoth for my big reveal for Eddie, and poor Jason had to drag it in with him when he died, and he had to pretend that Eddie hadn’t seen me recording us with it!   >In the ending scene, when it’s revealed that Billie is the killer, she takes the knife that she used to kill Eddie back from Rock and holds Rock at knifepoint while she monologues and explains that Nova’s death was an accident but she meant to kill Eddie 100% and why she didn’t care that Nova was dead and why she killed Eddie and yada yada yada. Then at the end of all that, Rock rushes her and forces her to stab him, and he “dies,” and it looks real and I rush to him and cry over his “body” while Quinnie tries to keep Billie from escaping, and it’s revealed that Rock isn’t really dead, there’s a callback to his first fake death, it’s great. But this onstage death-by-stabbing means that we need a retractable knife. The only retractable knife we have is at least a decade old and on its last leg. So in Billie and Rock’s struggle for the knife during the dress rehearsal, it breaks before Billie’s had the chance to stab the blood bag Rock’s got in his shirt pocket. This means that Billie, panicking a little bit, starts trying to punch his blood bag open before giving up and sprinting off and the show continues as normally as it can. During the actual performance, we used another fake knife which wasn’t retractable, since the retractable one broke, and I couldn’t see whether or not Rock’s blood bag had broken properly because of where I was standing, so just to be sure, when I threw myself onto his body, I made sure to hit the blood bag. This was when I discovered that it had in fact broken and sprayed blood all over Rock just like it had been supposed to do. So I had fake blood on my dress and hands and arms and in my hair, and when I threw myself onto Nick, I heard the poor guy go “oof,” because he wasn’t expecting me to hurl myself on him with that much force. Sorry, Nick.   >So, it’s been established that Eddie, Douchebag Director of the Year, was played by Jason, the Sweetest and Purest Human Being to Ever Grace the Planet. One of the notes he got from Savannah on Friday after the dress rehearsal was to be even sleazier and grosser than ever before for the performance, because when he died, she hadn’t felt like “Good, Eddie’s dead;” she’d gone “Awh, Jason died.” So on Saturday, while we were waiting for people to show up and starting to get into character and all that, this precious bean came up to me and asked in the politest manner you could possibly ask this question if he could slap my ass just to show how sleazy and gross Eddie is. This precious ray of sunshine and purity couldn’t even say the words “slap your [ass/butt/whatever he says, idk];” he had to mime it and say, “you know...” Now, the most intimate thing I’ve ever done with anyone is a Congratulations-On-Doing-Well-In-Your-Show Hug, so I panicked a little bit on the inside, but what I told him was, “It’ll make both Cherri and me really uncomfortable, but it’s 100% in character for Eddie, so yes. Go for it.” He looked unsure because I’d said that it’d make me uncomfortable (the BEAN), but I reassured him that I’d given him permission, so it was okay, and we agreed that he’d do it. So I was on tenderhooks the whole show waiting for that to happen, and then the grossest thing he did the whole show was get really close to me and tell me I looked “ravishing” (which still had my brain going, “Well, mark me down as scared and horny!”) and hug me mock-protectively when Nova called me “tainted goods” (I wasn’t expecting that, and neither was Cherri, and oh boy was it startling). I asked him about the absent ass-slap after the show, and he told me what had happened: there’s a bit where Eddie’s gone for a few minutes and right when we start to wonder where he is, he comes back in with women’s lingerie on over his shirt and pants, and he explains that he wanted to try it because he saw Ed Wood, Jr. do it and because it helps him relax, but he assures the audience that he’s still “all man, all right.” He had been getting closer and closer to me during this bit, and I had walked away to give him room and because I felt like that’s what Cherri would have done, since, you know, she’s slept with this sleazeball and hardcore regrets it and would rather not be closer to him than necessary. Jason told me that he was getting closer to me so that he could slap my ass on the words “all man, all right,” and I had walked away. So that happened.   >Cherri’s supposed to be pretending to be dumb the whole show, with little bits of how smart she really is leaking through at key points, and I was kind of struggling with the dumb act for a while, especially with physicality and voice (bc my voice is v low & I naturally stand up hecka straight, and neither of those things is true for Cherri’s dumb act), but then I talked with the director about just what kind of voice she wanted from me and as she demoed it my brain went MARY KATE WILES AS ANNABEL LEE, so I gave her my Annabel impression and she said it worked great so Cherri’s dumb act was basically Annabel Lee but a little dumber and on the one hand I’m so sorry, MK, that I used Annabel as my basis for a dumb character, but in her defense she’s only pretending to be dumb, and also I got lots of compliments and was told it worked well, so I’m proud of myself and v excited   >On a related note, while I was getting the note that I needed to be dumber, the director told me straight to my face that I naturally walk “very strong and tall, leading with [my] chest,” and like, it wasn’t explicitly a compliment, but it still felt really nice to know that this was a thing she’d noticed about me, and I considered it a good thing (ofc when I’m not playing a character who’s not supposed to do that), and it’s really nice when people tell you things they notice/think about you. idk   >After the show, it was announced that we’re hoping to make the murder mystery dinner theater an annual thing, which is super-exciting because I freaking adore this and wanna do it more (although at this moment I’m still in post-show mode and specifically want to do this show with this cast and director again)   >There was a lot of just chatting with the folks in the cast like actual friends, which was super-fun and still feels really special to me because Socialization Is Not My Strong Suit, nor is Having Real Live Friends With Whom I Interact Face-to-Face, and this entire theater department is filled with people who are all so much cooler than me, so it’s validating as hell when these people actively include me in their conversations and straight-up tell me nice things to my face and it’s clear that they mean it and it feels like they think I’m cool too which just??? Does not compute???? But feels so nice

Sorry about the big ol’ wall of text, but if I hadn’t done this, I would just rant about it for weeks on end and end up telling the same stories a hundred times because I’ve forgotten who’s heard which stories, so here are all of them.

So... yeah.

[chaosbrought]

30 Uncommon Character Development Questions

What position does your character sleep in? ( i.e; stomach, side, back, etc. ) Describe why they do this – optional. 

He sleeps on his back or his side, I don’t think there’s any real reason for it that’s just the way he sleeps. Perhaps it’s because he’s always ready to jump out of bed, and defend himself? He doesn’t sleep well anymore.

Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etc. 

Daud has a scar down the right side of his face and neck, a deep scar I might add, as well as wrinkles and a lighter scar along the left side of his forehead.

Does your character have an accent? What does it sound like? 

No accent, though his voice is very deep and gruff. It’s a bit sharp and harsh when he needs it to be, enough to instill fear and respect into the Whalers and all that cross his path, but alternatively it can be soothing to listen to if he’s musing to himself.

What are their chief tension areas? 

Neck, shoulders, and back. However, he doesn’t like being touched for the most part, especially unexpectedly, if you value your life you won’t sneak up on Daud and touch him. If he allows you to, or forces himself to open up a bit, don’t make him regret it because he will not forgive you and he will shut you out completely.

If you were to pick one song – and only one song – to describe your character, what would it be and why? 

At this time, I think the most fitting song would have to be Tom Waits “Walk Away.” because of the obvious tones of regret in it, as well as the theme of running away because that is what he’s done so far. He regrets and feels guilty, feeble in his old age even and he knows he’s going to die so he resorts to pinning the last awful thing he’s done, the most awful thing, on the god who offered him the power to defend himself. He doesn’t want to face his regrets, though at the same time he is being eaten alive by his own regret.

There are things I've done I can't erase I want to look in the mirror, see another face I said never would I do it again I want to walk away, start over again 

I left my bible by the side of the road Carve my initials in an old dead tree I'm going away but I'm going to be back when It's time to walk away and start over again

How does your character perceive themselves? Positive? Negative? Neutral? 

Negative, definitely. He knows the things he’s done aren’t good, though there’s an odd sense of arrogance in him in the Knife of Dunwall DLC as he compares himself to Corvo Attano.

“Fool! We're of the same breed, you and I. We kill for others.”

However, in the Death of The Outsider he not only tries to pin blame and take part of it himself but he also flat out says that

“The world doesn’t need more men like me.”

Maybe it’s just him trying to make peace or claim he isn’t as bad, or maybe he just doesn’t feel like Corvo is worthy because Daud managed to kill the Empress, once again trying to pin blame.

Are they a quick thinker or do they need time to sort through their thoughts? 

That depends entirely on the subject matter, job wise he’s meticulous with his planning and that never changes. He takes his time with the plan but he’s also quick on his feet, ready to do whatever he needs to if something goes wrong which it never should in his mind. However, when it comes to sorting out his own thoughts, his guilt and emotions, his regrets, he doesn’t know how to deal with it and it haunts him. Though, he’ll never say so. Daud isn’t an emotional man outwardly, he didn’t get that right and perhaps if he didn’t make his way to the top through spilling blood things would be different.

Does your character dream or are their nights filled with an empty blackness?

He dreams, though they’re usually not pleasant dreams. Fighting, spilling blood, trying to stay alive. Though sometimes, there are better dreams.

Describe a dream they’ve had or a night they couldn’t sleep and what they did to preoccupy their time. 

I think Daud dreams about killing the empress a lot and watching as the world around him crumbles apart, both literally and figuratively. His dreams to seem logical when he has them or perhaps that’s just because the dream needed to be in a game, either way the statement stands. However the underlying theme of “no escape” and “fight to survive”, but when he can’t he drinks and sits on his bed and he muses to himself either quietly or out loud in an audiograph.

If they had a choice, would they prefer a subway or a bus for public transportation? 

Daud doesn’t really do public transportation, for obvious reasons. But if he had to choose between a subway or a bus, he’d probably go with bus.

What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like? 

I mean seeing as he literally TALKS to the god of their universe, I think this is something that doesn’t need an answer. He doesn’t seem to like The Outsider much, and has even canonically insulted him, and argued with him.

Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has. 

He’s cryptic and harsh.

He’s blunt

He speaks with his hands

He uses black magic

Have they ever been so overwhelmed they had to stop and take a break from something? 

Not usually, though there are times that he needs to be alone and pushes everyone away, even Billie. It’s not often that this happens, but when it does it’s really best not to push it.

Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo? 

Seeing as he has an entire band of mercenaries of street kids that he seems to care for, he seems to be a team player but most certainly the leader and needing control. Although he’s not the stereotypical dad, he most likely is a father figure for a lot of the Whalers and he knows this, part of me thinks that he feels attached to them as well though it may not be obvious. Affection isn’t his thing, and neither is talking, so tough love and teaching them how to defend themselves, offering them powers, a way to defend themselves, feeding and clothing them. That’s how he shows he gives a shit. He handles things and he most certainly doesn’t think that his Whalers deserve the ruination that will be brought down upon him for killing the Empress.

Can they multi-task or must they focus on one subject at a time? 

Raising children, training them, holding together the band of mercenaries, planning and getting together contracts surely would take some multitasking skills and that’s not even getting into how much he’s been forced to learn and multitasking doing in order to survive.

What are their best school subjects? What are their worst? List five of each. 

Daud is not a stupid man by any means, he’s blunt and intelligent, perhaps a big prideful at times, and too brutal for his own good but the point still stands. Not only was he studying at the Academy of Natural Philosophy for a winter, but he’s gained quite a lot of street smarts over the years. While he was better in terms of philosophy, cosmology, and alchemy, it was much harder for him to grasp concepts pertaining to cartography, and vivisection.

Is your character an introvert or an extrovert? How do they handle big crowds of people? 

I think he’ll do what he needs to do, he doesn’t have the life where he has the opportunity to just go and be around big groups of people and enjoy it. His life is about getting money and surviving. I don’t think he’d enjoy it much, I think he’d feel as though he doesn’t belong.

Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether? 

Daud is for sure a leader, he requires control of a situation and I think he knows how to throw people off in more ways than one. He’s not a “sidelines” kind of guy, he makes things happen and will do whatever he has to in order to make some coin. He knows how to lead and is meticulous about the way he goes through with things, he’s not just a plain brute, he’s informed and thoughtful and while he has incredible skills there are clearly tactical purposes behind them. There’s more of him than meets the eye, which is one of my favorite parts about him.

If your character was suddenly challenged, would they rather run away or stay and fight? 

He’s not someone who runs from a fight, if challenged he would for sure stay and fight as ruthlessly as he needs in order to win. As mentioned and seen before on many occasions, he’s incredibly skilled and tactical and he lacks mercy for most both because he justifies it to himself in one way or another, and because he’s always been within the mindset of a need to survive.

If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why? 

Good question, I think he’s had enough of murdering. At least that’s my idea from some of his lines, while he continues it in both the DLC and DOTO, it seems more of like he does it out of a need to survive more than anything else.

Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why? 

That’s a good question, I’m not exactly sure. Wishing for the Empress to be alive and well would seem like one, and perhaps he’d wish to see his mother again but if he wished to undo what he’s done it could unravel everything that has become of The Outsider, Corvo, Emily, Billie, himself and so on. I’m not sure if he’d bother with tampering with the choices made because perhaps he’d be wise enough to know everything has lead him to this moment, and this ending. But it would be rather tempting, especially because of how sharp and blatant his regrets are, and I can’t say right now for sure if he’d wish to change the past or not.

Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone? 

He doesn’t trust people right away, you’ve got to earn his trust and he definitely needs time to warm up to someone and trust them fully. Which I think Daud’s concept of trust is warped in a way, the way he runs the Whalers is seemingly normal but the idea that both Billie and Daud knew that she was eventually going to try and betray him and overthrow him really says something about what his beliefs on life are. He seems to view and teach a more feral way of ruling, something animalistic and brutal with no forgiveness and it’s somewhat unsettling. However, I’m sure he thinks he needs to become that and that he needs to teach the Whaler’s like that in order to ensure their survival.

Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart? 

That’s the thing, there IS no quick way to Daud’s heart, honestly he doesn’t let people close especially romantically. He’s either interested in you or he’s not, and this isn’t just with romance it’s with platonic love as well. The closest relationship he’s had that we know of is the platonic one he shares with Billie, but other than that there’s really nothing. I’m not even sure he’s even interested in that kind of closeness with someone else romantically, he knows people but he’s harsh and rough because he’s had to be to survive. He’s not good at voicing his thoughts to others, nor is he good at affection which could cause big problems. Either way, it would be difficult for him to allow that closeness if it ever happened which I doubt it would. You really have to impress him, but if you’re trying too hard he’ll notice and keep you at a distance, he’ll want you to use that drive to keep yourself alive.

TL;DR: Daud doesn’t allow closeness 99.99% of the time, nothing personal it’s just what’s kept him alive this long.

Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why? 

Most likely tons, he’s not exactly a good man and has no problem murdering for money despite the idea that he’s worked with the person he’s killing on previous jobs. That’s not to say he doesn’t regret it but, this habit and lifestyle he’s lead has most likely earned him a lot of enemies, regardless of if he’s remorseful or not.

Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks? 

Nope, Daud is asexual. He isn’t interested in sex and never has been really, it’s even stated in game. No unusual kinks to tease him about here, unfortunately.

How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble? 

Perhaps when he was younger he could stay up for days without trouble, but Daud is older now and he enjoys getting sleep when he can. However, most of his sleep is plagued by nightmares.

If your character had one thing to say to their parents before they died, what would it be? 

( SPOILER ALERT )

I think a majority of that is gotten into when you find Daud in the void. He only seems to care about his mother, there’s a distinct lack of questioning about his father and he only is hyper focused on his mother. He obviously misses her, and she meant a lot to him. I think the things he would say if he got the chance would be a lot of what he states in the void.

HERE’S A LINK TO THOSE RAMBLINGS IN THE VOID.

Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets? 

His biggest regret is killing the empress and throwing the world into chaos, though he takes some responsibilities he mostly blames it on the Outsider, rather unfairly if I might add. In the Death of the Outsider, he seems to be deeply regretful for his life and what he’d done with his powers as he says

“The world doesn’t need more men like me.”

Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favor solitude and silence? Why? 

He doesn’t like the quiet, doesn’t like the time alone to himself and his thoughts. When given the time and silence to be alone with his thoughts, they tear him apart silently.

Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why? 

I’m not sure Daud cares much about food, as the Whaler’s scrounge up anything they can find it seems from the looks of their base. Daud isn’t a picky eater, he didn’t have the luxury of being one.

[empathetic-cowboy]

I honestly want to read all of your answer for those asks. 1-40? Or those you like the most c:

UHM HONESTLY THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ASK EVER !!!!! 

Because I don’t have time to answer all 40, I’m going to give you TEN randomly picked questions from the list and answer below ~! 

(thank you random number picker!!!!) 

AND BE WARNED – THIS WILL PROBABLY GET LENGTHY. 

40. Do you think the movies did the books justice?

Yes and no. I will stand forever and die on the Catherine-Hardwicke-Did-It-Best hill. Above them all, I’d say that Catherine captured the essence of the books the most accurately. Maybe it’s the blue filter, I don’t know, but she got that creepy/sad/romantic Forks vibe that drew me into the series in the first place. She really got the perfect balance of romance, action, fantasy, high school, the whole thing. So yeah, I think she did a great job with the books. Chris Weitz did alright with New Moon – I love the brownish, jacob-y vibe, I think they adapted the script well and did a fan-fucking-tastic job on the soundtrack too, so that one would be my second favourite book-to-movie. The other two? Eh. I think they lost something that the books had. Eclipse WAS my favourite when it first came out but watching them now, I feel like the last three movies are just missing something wonderful that the first two movies and the first three books (sorry bd) had. 

28. How would you personally rewrite Twilight?

For those of you who haven’t seen it, I have a bit up on my personal twilight rewrite idea up here! It’s a little bare bones in terms of what I’d do with breaking dawn, but I can elaborate on that here! 

Going with the rest of my switch-new-moon-and-eclipse-au, I’d have Bella changed and conflicted starting in BD. I think it would be SUPER interesting to have the main conflict be something to do with the volturi and the shape shifters. Maybe the clan and the pack finally join forces bc Bella is changed but still loves her Jake, but out in the world shapeshifters are showing up dead at the volturi’s hand or something ??????? and they need to band together to save the wolves and Jake before the volturi eliminate the species altogether.

Could be interesting, IDK. There’s a lot less renesmess and an opportunity still for Jake to meet Benjamin so I’m all for it. 

37. What’s your perspective on Twilight now compared to when you first read it?

I think about this all the fucking time.When I first read Twilight, it was just before the first movie came out in 2008. I was almost twelve years old, and dumber than most twelve year olds, lbr. I didn’t see any issues in the book. I thought it was novel (pun intended), and romantic, and Hell, come Breaking Dawn I was even all aboard the Nessie train. I was SM brainwashed, kind of. I trusted our author. Coming back to Twilight in 2019 was a literal fucking shock to the system. I watched the movies for the first time in like five years, and was utterly shocked by the ample fucking problematic shit I noticed in every fucking scene. What hurt the most? Realizing my favourite character was the worst fucking show of racist propaganda in the entire goddamn series. I got angry when I watched the series again for the first time. I didn’t want anything to do with it. I felt ashamed, honestly. I felt bad looking at the piece of media, and seeing how twisted and disgusting and wrong so many parts of it were. But then I went online. I knew Twilight was becoming a thing again, and I didnt understand how such problematic media worked in this day in age, so I was curious to see what the discourse was like. Guys, I’m so fucking glad I did. There’s something so nice about being able to clearly see and discuss issues in this saga, while still appreciating that it digs into your nostalgia and has the opportunity to be so much bigger and better than SM ever intended. I love signing on here and seeing someone discuss our HCs – seeing how people take these characters and stretch and shift and mold them to embody what the world looks like today. I love coming here to read about favourites portrayed as characters of colour, or how said characters could be portrayed as trans,  or nb, or gay, or how this character could be better shown as A, B, C – you catch my drift. It’s not just that, either. It’s not just the changes that I appreciate, either.

There’s something about acknowledging the things that can’t be changed within the original text – starting conversations about the treatment of native characters, discussing the portrayal of females presenting characters, working through SM’s religious biases – that not only helps me appreciate what this text should have been / can be now, but seriously, has helped me learn a lot along the way. I’m a very faulty white girl. Coming here and learning new perspectives from people who are impacted by specific biases / choices made in this series has been one of the most eye opening experiences I’ve had online. And that’s another thing – I’ve never once been criticized for still having so much to learn, un-learn, or understand from a different perspective. The people in this fandom (so far – I feel very lucky) have been more than open in discussing their criticisms, concerns, and understandings in a way that makes me feel welcome, and encouraged to learn/understand more. It’s a super inclusive fandom –  freakin’ rare to see – but it’s also the kind of fandom that isn’t afraid to see its own faults – that’s even more rare. We’re all aware of our fandom’s problems, and we aren’t afraid to talk about them, or acknowledge the fact that SM’s beliefs aren’t a reflection of US. It’s special. It’s amazing. It’s why I’ve stuck around for almost a year now. 

3. Fave headcanon brotps?

Oh, dude. Seth / Edward Jake / Emmett Emmett / Paul Charlie / Billy Bella / Emmett Rose / Leah Carlisle / Sam Alice / Jake 

30. Which characters do you wish had their own spinoffs?

Oof. I think it would be SUPER interesting to have a whole spin-off series just on the wolves, actually! Not one in particular, but I think the whole world of shapeshifters could and SHOULD be explored more deeply!!!!!In terms of specific characters: Alice (duh), Carlisle (take me back to the 1800s or some shit show me his life in the volturi!!!!!), Leah Clearwater (she’d be my wolf-pack-spin-off main character). 

15. Top 5 fave vampires?

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: 

Alice, Jasper, Esme, Emmett, Rose.Yeah, they’re all Cullens. Suck my Olympic-sized dick. 

9. Astrology sign headcanons for the Cullens?

YEEEEEEEES. I am very stuck in my opinions for these, and I’m not sure why. It’s pointless, but I care VERY DEEPLY. Carlisle: Capricorn Esme: Pisces Edward: Gemini / Cancer cusp is perfect for this S.O.B.Bella: VirgoRosalie: ScorpioEmmett: Sagittarius Alice: Aries Jasper: Taurus (but I go back and forth on Jasper daily so ask me again tomorrow) 

13. Hogwarts house sorting headcanons for the wolf pack?

I’ve never considered this before, so this is first-instinct. Sam: Slytherin Paul: SlytherinEmbry: Gryffindor Quil: GryffindorJake: Gryffinpuff?? the man is brave, but he’s loyal to a GD fault. I think that might just be the wolfy traits comin’ through though. Leah: RavenclawSeth: Hufflepuff(just doin’ these guys to keep it simple) 

20. Pick a character you wish deserved a better fate (that wasn’t death).

Bree. Fucking. Tanner. 

Any chance I get to write something, I add in a redemptive arc for Bree Tanner because I can’t for the life of me understand out of all the characters why fucking SM decided to kill the one that DEFINITELY deserved a fucking soft and perfect life. 

Fuck you SM, Bree is alive and well. 

1. Fave wlw ships?

!!! YAY !!! Leah / Angela Bella / Rosalie Carmen / Esme AND THEN JUST BECAUSE I CAN: Edythe / Bella Jessamine  / Alice Carmine / Esme Julie / Leah Julie / Bella  

[doomedandstoned]

Closer To The End (part II)

~By Billy Goate~

Art by Ruso Tsig

Everyone has bouts of sadness, loneliness, heartache. For better or worse, it's a part of the human condition. There was some discussion after my last article about whether depression is something we can choose to walk into or away from -- like a bad attitude -- or whether in some people it may be more deeply ingrained in the psychological makeup, whether by nature or nurture. I thought it would be helpful to give you a window into my own background so you can understand when depression first made itself manifest and the different strategies taken to deal with it over the years.

Banished from this world, and from its toil I can only watch, grieve and pity Stare at stupid likes, wonder at people's smiles

I get more and more stress Nothing anyone can offer, more or less Done grieving, closer to the end

DON'T KNOW WHY

I vaguely recall spells of melancholy in childhood. The return from summer camp to a boring home with mom vacuuming and dad at work had me feeling quite empty and blue. It was a strange, bewildering state of mind to be in. Mom told me to snap out of it or else. There were a few moments that shattered my reality as a child. Realizing, for instance, that mom and dad were having marital problems. Hearing my pastor of a father say a swear word. Often, I would be startled awake in the dead of night to my mom shrieking at my dad, throwing dishes, insisting that he was against her. My dad was a patient man and knew that all was not right in her world. These things jolted me into new layers of reality, each accompanied by periods of moodiness and anxiety.

By the time I was in the 4th grade, I started having trouble in school. I was placed in one of those "talented and gifted" programs, though I never really understood why. I knew I couldn't see what my teachers were writing on the chalkboard. Panicked, I would ask students nearby what the hell the teacher was writing, only to be scolded for distracting the class. One particular teacher was downright mean to me, until she found out that I was having vision problems and needed glasses. Once she realized I was also the son of a preacher man, she tripped all over herself to be kind. Maybe she felt guilty?

Something else odd happened around this time. I came home with division homework one day and just decided not to do it. I don't remember if it was because my parents were too busy to help or I was just too stubborn to ask. There was no rational reason for it. The next day, I was shamed in front of the entire class by an Admiral Ackbar looking mother fucker named Mr. Davis. "Billy Joe, why didn't you do your homework?" he demanded. "Why?" His hand lifted my chin, forcing me to stare up into his beady little eyes peering menacingly behind his spectacles. Mr. Davis' rosy complexion turned beat red when I answered: "I...don't know."

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who I am

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who to be

SATANIC PANIC

My parents were tethered to a particularly pernicious strain of fundamentalist Christianity that got caught up in the "Satanic Panic" of the 1980s. That meant no D&D for me! Urban legends were shared in Sunday school and from the pulpit about young people who had necked because their character "died" in this forbidden game. It was the most sinister proxy for evil that I could envision at that time.

The Satanic Panic put everything else under the microscope: toys, comic books, and popular music were all suspect. A copy of Phil Phillip's 1986 "expose" Turmoil In The Toybox lay on the coffee table, pages well-worn and highlighted. He-Man, G.I. Joe, even Star Wars were viewed as tools of the Devil to recruit a desensitized generation of youth into his heathen horde. I'd wake up from one day to learn about something else I couldn't have, play, watch, or do. Video games would not be far behind.

One day, my mother caught me rocking out to the Scorpions in my room and immediately confiscated my radio, outlawing metal from the house (and basically anything with a rock 'n' roll beat). MTV lasted only long enough for me to be exposed to Metallica's visceral "One" and Guns 'n' Roses' "Welcome To The Jungle." While the classic days of rock's infancy were viewed as a time of innocence (I don't think my folks really got what "Blueberry Hill" by Fats Domino was about), anything stemming from the late '60s counterculture forward was viewed as dangerously corrupting.

Various factions within the church began playing games of connect-the-dots with the songs of Jefferson Airplane, Led Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath, tying them into a subservice plot by Luciferian cults and the shadowy elite (at that time Communists -- a favorite boogeyman of the era) who were trying to undermine undermining of God, family, and country by subverting its youth. All of popular culture was roped in with the conspiracy, too. Though the house was cleansed of its ungodly influence, the worst was still ahead.

Soon, my mother started cutting me off from neighborhood friends and finally pulled me out of public school altogether around middle of 5th grade. She had learned about this radical new response to America's failing education system through friends from another church who had just taken their own children out of school. Emboldened, she began homeschooling us in West Texas in the mid '80s, during a time when it wasn't a clearly legal practice. Every time the doorbell rang my siblings and I would run and hide, thinking the truant officer had come to take us away to foster care. I didn't understand at the time what I do now: my mother was mentally ill. Furthermore, she was in over her head. This became apparent when she tried to take on the role of teacher.

While I am extraordinarily grateful for the year or two of solid education she gave me (particularly in the writing and public speaking departments, two areas she and my father were naturally gifted in and which have been the buttress of my career), it wasn't long until she became frustrated with the Abeka and Bob Jones University curriculum we were using. One day, when I was struggling with algebra, she declared that we wouldn't have to learn it. "After all, who actually uses algebra in daily life?" she wondered. We were now self-directed learners, a radical new idea that was controversial even in the homeschooling movement ("un-schooling," they called it). Of course, I wasn't allowed to just sit around and watch TV. Consequently, I shifted my focus to the things that were more interesting to me: music, art, history. Math and science? Not so much.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

For years, I remained blithely unaware of what was happening in the world around me in the world of music. I lived in Arlington during the rise of Pantera, Topeka during one of Guns ‘n’ Roses most controversial shows, and Oregon during the height of the grunge era and the sunsetting of the Grateful Dead -- all of it veiled from notice. My life was devoted to church and, if anything, I tried to convince fellow Christians to separate themselves from the tainted allure of the fool’s gold of popular music, television, and video games. For a while, I was a true believer. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, if you like. Infractions of the moral code -- and the slightest temperament of rebellion -- were met with a freshly cut switch, which would leave stinging welts up and down my calves, tights, arms, and back. Thus my conscience was conditioned.

I remember happening upon the pornographic scene in George Orwell’s 1984 and afterwards feeling that the only right and proper thing to assuage my guilt was to burn the everlasting shit out of this smut. Even then I loved the novel, but I couldn't reconcile my faith with this section of it, so I purged it in the flame of backyard trash barrels. At my most fervent, I also lit the match to a stack of MAD Magazines and comic books. As harmless as they might have seemed to the average Joe blinded to the wiles of the Devil, these were gateways into realms of the flesh. “Walk in the spirit, not the flesh,” I recited to myself as fire brandished the yellowed pages of print, slowly turning them black until they were embers caught up by the wind and scattered into the sky. True story: I once threw away a perfectly good copy of Downward Spiral after one hearing the demonic screams of "Becoming" (not to mention the brash blasphemy of "Heretic").

The me that you know doesn't come around much That part of me isn't here anymore

The me that you know is now made up of wires And even when I'm right with you I'm so far away

This kind of extreme separation from the world really fucked me up socially. For years, I couldn't hold on a conversation with another person my age. What would we talk about? I was clueless about anything happening in the world of sports, music, television, or the culture at large. Even though conversation is no longer a problem for me, I still feel odd about friendships. I have an irrational fear that they're going to be taken away from me at any moment, so I keep everyone at a comfortable arm's length. At times, intimacy feels painfully awkward.

Maybe this is why I'm so notorious for leaving shows immediately following the last song. I’ll give my smiles, shake hands, and say goodbye, but avoid sticking around long enough to really get to know people. I’ve been invited to crash on couches to avoid the long drive home, but I always politely decline. Certainly, I don’t want to come across as rude, I just feel like an outsider to the world -- someone who just doesn’t fit in, doesn't belong. Not now, not ever.

TEENAGE ANGST HAS PAID OFF WELL

As I reached my adolescent years, I began going through prolonged spells of melancholy. The prospect of sharing this with others was extraordinarily embarrassing, so I kept it all bottled up inside. Mostly, I tried walking it out on long excursions through the open field next to our house. I worked through a lot of issues during that time and credit those walks with helping me to keep my sanity. As a matter of fact, I recommend daily constitutionals to everyone as a general principle of good mental health. It would be a mistake not to mention that my belief in an omnipresent God at this time played a medicinal role in helping me to cope with my depression, though my views on religion would one day reverse course.

By 18, symptoms of major depression surfaced like a noxious weed and even God could not get me through it. I prayed, too. God, how I prayed, sometimes hours on end. That year, I fell into a downcast mood that refused to dissipate and remained there for months -- four of them straight. I sought refuge in the music of Tchaikovsky, working my way from the fateful Symphony No. 4 to his Symphony No. 6, the Pathétique. The sounds I was hearing tapped into a new emotional alphabet, impossible to transcribe into any tongue. It was remarkable: somehow the music knew precisely what I was feeling. I finally had a soundtrack to my depression.

One day, a buddy and I joined the military on a whim, though he'd later get disqualified for asthma. I felt the Army would provide a much needed "Be All You Can Be" boost to my confidence and a crash course in normie life. I shipped down range to my duty station, Fort Benning, Georgia, for infantry training. My new home would be with Charlie Company, 2nd Battalion, 58th Infantry Regiment -- the infamous "House of Pain." In the space of 14 weeks, I was exposed to every aspect of humanity imaginable. From the "shark attack" welcome of the drill sergeants on Sand Hill to the rude middle of the night awakenings for physical training, I was in shock most of the time. Slowly, though, I eased into this strange new world and got my bearings.

Almost a full month into this prison world, we were allowed to visit one of the on-base shopping exchanges. I immediately looked for a CD player and began checking out the music section, trying to see if there were names I recognized. "Guns 'n' Roses? Sure they're cool," shrugged my buddy Bradley, a floppy-eared Gomer Pyle looking dude. "But you really need to check out some Soundgarden, dude." I did, picking up their latest, Down On The Upside, and it was like salve to my soul. The music spoke of being trapped ("...and I don't like what you've got me hanging from") and being eternally at odds with the world ("Born without a friend and bound to die alone"). There was even a song about "Boot Camp," the short album closer. The nihilistic despair was strangely comforting.

I must obey the rules I must be tame and cool No staring at the clouds I must stay on the ground In clusters of the mice The smoke is in our eyes Like babies on display Like Angels in a cage I must be pure and true I must contain my views There must be something else There must be something good far away Far away from here And I'll be there for good For good

The song did not resolve happily, and I feared my life wouldn't either. After a serious injury left me permanently wounded, I began to feel my life wasn't being guided by the Hand of God of all, but the random throes of Fate. Maybe they were the same thing. I resigned myself to the misery of a long recovery, during which time I had to learn to walk again. It's a three beer kind of story, maybe I'll share it sometime. Probably not. Returning to civilian life proved to be even more of an adjustment than the military had been, and my shadows of depression lingered with me even as I tried to remain one step ahead of them.

MELANCHOLIA

I have long held a theory that human beings are not built for the world that we have constructed for ourselves. Whether we're talking Seattle traffic or the constant buzz of social media, the frantic pace of our rapidly evolving technocracy has left us a worried, frazzled mess. The studies are conclusive: almost one in five have experienced depression and one in four struggle with anxiety, with PTSD being a household acronym.

A counselor once asked if I enjoyed being depressed. I found it a bit of a repulsive question. I can tell you that there is nothing glamorous about depression. There's no reason to idolize the angst of those sad Kurt Cobain eyes. Everyone has experienced feelings of being bummed out, and for most folks it is a transitory feeling. It comes when one of life's storms arises and leaves when the situation resolves itself. There's a whole section of us, however, for whom the dark clouds never leaves. It just hovers around our heads, like the oppressive, low-hanging specter of an Oregon winter.

Depression isn't always about feeling sad, either. Often it manifests in a general malaise -- you can't bring yourself to care about the things you used to. Other times, it works in tandem with anxiety, seizing your heart at the thought of all the day holds in store, then punishing you with the feeling of dread. We may feel sad, anxious, or fearful and not be able to give a rational explanation for it. In those moments, I cannot imagine a more miserable place to be. With that said, I hasten to add that my description of depression may not align with your own, as it is an intensely personal experience.

Release your head from the world Keep yourself underground No one understands your mind

Humans programmed like robots Making sure you don't belong No one understands your mind

I suspected I had depression in the clinical sense, when I realized that though I wanted to feel better, all I could do was subsist in the misery. Those of you who've been able to talk yourself out of such states will scoff. My mother, who suffers from a host of afflictions that have never been properly diagnosed, was notorious for telling us kids to "snap out of it." I do understand that kind of no-nonsense perspective. Her father and mother were staunchly independent homesteaders of the WWII generation who braved the untamed wilderness of Alaska and the exotic dangers of Australia. The '60s and '70s generation grew up fearful of losing such independence to mental institutions that locked up people, merely because they acted in ways society didn’t understand. The stigma of psychiatric care was every bit as real as the stigma of mental illness. Thus, her approach was quite practical: take Saint John's Wort, get on a good diet of vegetables and fruits, drink plenty of water, get fresh air and exercise. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Jesus.

Despite plenty of prayer and a multitude of home remedies, depression continued plaguing my mind. People frustrated by what they viewed as an easy fix would imply that depressed folk like me just wanted to be depressed, maybe because it got them attention or they were just spoiled rotten. Soon I stopped sharing altogether. As one friend of mine, a real no-nonsense type, told me: “No one cares. You have to get on with your life.” “How do you manage that?” I asked. “What's your secret?” “You just have to shrug it off,” she concluded. I envied the cold, pragmatic stoicism and wished that I could just shrug my shoulders and let everything slide off. At one point, my depression was so acute, I looked into electroconvulsive therapy, memory loss be damned. During my consultation with a specialist, I learned the procedure had advanced since Jack Nicholson’s unfortunate end as a mental patient in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Ultimately, I decided against it.

SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

As with most human situations, our problems stem from a complex mixture of nature and nurture. I posed a question to my psychology professor one day: "Does depression cause us to think depressing thoughts or do depressing thoughts cause us to be in a state of depression?" His answer surprised and relieved me. "Both," he said.

In Psychology 202, we were in the midst of a chapter on depression and other mental disorders. Having recently experienced the loss of my grandmother, I was feeling especially hopeless and decided to ask my prof another burning question at the end of class. "If a person were to see a therapist, does it go on his record?" In my mind, counseling was for the weak and hideously broken. "Not at all," he responded with a smile. "Even psychologists seek help from other psychologists for their depression and anxiety." Then he really blew my mind: "I have a therapist myself. See her once a month. Sort through a lot of life decisions that way." He also assured me that there was no master file of such visits. While a therapist might keep her own notes, it's certainly not something shared with employers and as a rule is kept strictly confidential, as are all medical records.

My first visit to a counselor was nothing like I'd imagined. I wasn't given pills, invited to lay on a couch and look at ink blots, or even asked questions about my parents. Instead, the counselor initiated an open-ended conversation that encouraged me to articulate the tangled mess of thoughts and feelings I'd been bottling up inside. It was the first time I'd ever talked about my experiences in the military or about the emotional upheaval of my childhood. I felt liberated after just a few weeks of these sessions. For a time, I felt very much on top of my problems. Maybe this counseling thing wasn't so bad after all. I even began to recommend it to my friends and stood up for psychologists when mom would bash the profession in one of her trademark rants.

Promises abound You rarely find it to begin Maybe I'm afraid To let you all the way in

I excuse myself I'm used to my little cell I amuse myself In my very own private hell

I noticed a pattern to my depression: it seemed to be triggered by situations in which I felt helplessly incapable of controlling my environment, decisions, and destiny. You know, other people taking advantage of me, a nightmare roommate, an overbearing boss, unrequited love -- that sort of thing. It was like a switch flipped and all of the sudden the feelings flooded in and surrounded me for days, even weeks.

Feelings of loneliness and disquiet were often compounded by negative thinking about the situation. "What's wrong with me that I can't find someone to be with? Am I that unattractive or uninteresting?" The negative self-talk wasn't helping my situation. In some ways, it even turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'd walk around with a scowl on my face, prompting friends and family to constantly ask, "What's wrong? Is everything ok?" That's why I realized it may take more muscles to frown than to smile, but that undersmile sure is a lot more comfortable. No wonder people kept themselves at bay.

I actually started practicing my smile in the rearview mirror on the way to school every day, just so I remembered what that felt like. Fake it 'til you make it, the saying goes. Even if I was feeling like a miserable wretch inside, I certainly didn't want to betray those feelings to the world outside. So I got good at being a fake. When people asked, "How's it going?" I'd say, "Fine, just fine, thanks. And you?" (One of my counselors would later call me on that every session: "How are things really?").

When I got married, depression reached peak levels, only now that oppressive, low-hanging cold front wouldn't burn off with the sunshine. The mood never lifted. It was with me 24-7. It wasn't unusual for me to be severely depressed during the normally halcyon days of summer. I knew something had to be done, so I confronted another long-time stigma of mine: medication.

To be continued...

This whole house of cards crumbling slow If I disappear would you even know? The trap is time and no one gets off of this ride alive

So far under Too much pain to tell And now I'm ripped asunder So far under

[bisexualpirateheart]

Hi! I love your writing, you always manage to be so spot on with every character and the plotlines are always amazing! If you're still taking prompts, can I ask 109: "Why are you naked?" with Silverflint? Thank you! 😊

Gahh, thank you so much! 😊 That means a lot, and I’m so glad you’re enjoying the stories. 😘 Thank you so much for the prompt! 

                                                    *  *  * 

They’ve been given asmall storeroom off in the main hold, partly because it’s easier to keep an eyeon them if they’re contained, and partly because Dufresne is making a point by claimingthe captain’s cabin, reminding them that they’re not part of the crew anymore.

It’s petty, but Flint had expected no less.

Now though he stands in the doorway, surveying the sight he’sjust walked in on.

“Why are you naked?”

Silver doesn’t even turn around. “Did you expect me to stayin the Spaniard’s disguise forever?”

Flint shrugs and closes the door behind him. “I hadn’t givenit much thought to be honest.” He’s had other things on his mind. It’s been avery long day.

He glances at Silver again as he makes his way over to thecorner, just a quick look. Silver’s not hiding anything, not remotelyself-conscious of his body, clearly not caring if Flint looks or not.

Flint sinks down on the straw pallet in the corner andtouches his bloody bandage with a wince. Now that he’s given in and admittedhow exhausted he is, his entire body is done. He wants to sleep for a hundredyears.

He leans his head back and closes his eyes, taking in a lowbreath, touching his chest again.

Silver looks over at him. “Is it bothering you?”

“No, it makes me feel like I could have taken on the whole crew ofSpaniards by myself.” Flint mutters without opening his eyes.

Silver’s laugh is quiet but definitely there. Flint openshis eyes at the sound of it, watching Silver as he leaves the discarded pile of clotheson the floor and reaches for his own. Silver moves easily while nude and Flintfinds his gaze arrested by the sight of him.

Bare-assed and barefoot, tangled curls and tan chest, Silveris lithe and appealing. Flint watches him in silence as he picks up his shirt.  

He keeps his head leaned back, gazing half at the ceiling, halfat Silver. It’s probably the exhaustion that’s causing this laxness in his ownrigidity. Usually he wouldn’t let himself look at Silver like this.

But there Silver is, shirt over his head, the cloth fallingover his chest and stomach, and there, Flint feels himself swallow reflexivelyat the sight of it, rests Silver’s cock.

Silver pulls his shirt down and glances at him again, then hepulls on his drawers. He leaves his breeches off for some reason and Flintdoesn’t care to dwell on that.

He’s easing himself into lying stiffly on his back, trying to avoidjostling his wound as Silver approaches him.

“Move over.”

“Are you serious?” Flint stares up at him.

“Where else am I supposed to sleep?” Silver asks,exasperated.

The drawers do nothing to hide his cock. Flint looks away.

Silver raises an eyebrow and finally Flint sighs.

He shifts slightly so there’s room enough on the pallet forSilver as well who promptly stretches out next to him. He bumps Flint’sshoulder faintly.

“Watch it.” Flint growls, but there’s no strength in it. He’stoo tired to threaten, too sick of the whole damn crew to practically evenspeak anymore.

“Sorry.” Silver murmurs. He’s still got that look in hiseyes that Flint would call concern in anyone else. On Silver he doesn’t knowwhat to call it.

It was how Silver had looked at him when Flint first woke onthe beach. He didn’t know what to make it of then either. Now that he knows itwas Silver’s hand that delivered him from the sea, he doesn’t know what to makeof Silver altogether.

“Why did you?” Flint asks after they’ve been lying thereside by side for a little while without speaking. The soft rocking of the shipupon the waves is almost enough to lull him to sleep, in spite of his achingshoulder. But Silver’s presence, warm and silent and there, is distracting. Notto mention the shape of his cock between his thighs.

Flint’s definitely exhausted if he’s thinking about Silver’s cock.

“Why did I pull you from the sea?” Silver turns his head togaze at him. “I thought it was obvious.”

Flint licks his lips, staring at him, waiting for whateverSilver’s going to say.

Silver smiles faintly. “The gold, of course.” He turns hisgaze back to the ceiling, and Flint studies his profile lined in the shadowscast by the lantern light. “You’re still my only hope of acquiring it.”

“I don’t mean to sound discouraging, but you are aware ofour current predicament, right?”

“You’ll come up with something.” Silver tells him, andthere’s a certainty in his voice that Flint doesn’t understand. How could he beso certain after what’s happened? Here they are, barely back aboard the shipand Silver acts like this is just another obstacle to overcome.

“Will I?” Flint murmurs.

Silver turns his head back to look at him once more. “Thatday you killed Singleton, and offered that paper to Billy with bloody,trembling hands, I knew you could tell a story based on whispers and smoke andthey would all believe it.”

He places a hand on Flint’s thigh.

“Billy had to go along with it.” Flint points out.

“But he did.” Silver says. “That’s your power isn’t it? Swayingpeople, even if they have every right to disagree with you. Even if they knowthey should.”

Flint looks down at him as Silver moves his hand over to hiscrotch and still he doesn’t speak.

“I also pulled you from the water because I hadn’t had achance to taste you yet.” Silver’s eyes are bright in the shadows. “And itwould have been a pity for you to pass from this world without that happening.”

His fingers slip slowly inside Flint’s breeches with quietpurpose.

Still Flint doesn’t speak.

But now Silver’s waiting on him. He braces his arm on Flint’sthigh, resting his chin upon it as he watches him. “Do you want this?”

“It depends.” Flint says. “Why’re you offering it?”

Silver’s lips curve into a smile. “Because we’re inprecarious waters. Because who knows what fate might hold in store once we getback to Nassau. Because I want to taste you.”

Probably he shouldn’t let him. Somehow Silver will use thisto his advantage later on, but Flint’s weary of fighting everything. He achesfrom his bones to his brain, his body lonely for something to hold on to. It’sbeen a very long time since someone wanted to touch him. Someone with a mouthlike Silver’s and blue eyes like the sea…

He acquiesces with a less than graceful shrug of hisshoulders. “All right.”

Silver’s smile widens as he draws Flint out.

His mouth is so soft as he slips the head of Flint’s shaftbetween his lips, his tongue so warm and coaxing.

Flint shifts his good arm, bracing it against the wall as hesuccumbs to the gentle persuasiveness of Silver’s mouth.

Silver’s uttering soft noises around him, as he bobs hishead slowly. Flint watches as his hair falls over his face. He thinks of whatSilver had said up on deck after Dufresne had left them there. His confessionthat if their interests were adverse, he would have crossed him. And thenSilver’s reiteration that he intended to reclaim his captaincy, take control ofthe ship and return for the gold.

And I think you’regoing to need my help to do it.

Flint hadn’t responded then, just stood there in the dark,gazing out at the waves until Silver gave up and went below deck.

He’s not wrong. That’s the truth of the matter. What’s evenstranger is that in his mind Flint has already accepted this. For whateverreason (the gold, he knows it’s the gold, but it’s not just the gold) Silver isthe only man aboard this ship who doesn’t want him dead.

Judging by the enjoyment with which Silver’s sucking his cock,Flint would even go so far as to venture that Silver might even want more thanthat.

The familiar tightening in his balls, the low heat rising inhis cock, such familiar signs that Flint hasn’t felt in a while, it takeshim a moment to remember to be courteous. He tries to ease him off, but Silverignores him. He gives a little shake of his head, sliding Flint further downhis throat.

Flint reaches for his hair, tangling a handful of curlsaround his fingers. He gives a little tug and Silver looks at him dead on.

Flint raises an eyebrow, tilting his head slight, asking wordlesslyif this is really what Silver wants. Silver just smiles around his cock andFlint’s breath catches in his throat. Silver so clearly wants Flint to come inhis mouth, so he does, hips twitching with each thrust inside Silver’s heat.  

When he’s finally done, Flint just lies there, trying to regainhis equilibrium as Silver returns to his former position laying alongside him.

Flint moves a hand towards Silver’s crotch.

“You don’t have to.” Silver says.

Flint shrugs, sliding his hand down into his breeches. “Iknow I don’t have to.”

He can’t do what Silver did, not tonight, not with hisshoulder, but he gets his hand inside Silver’s breeches and strokes him in hot,rough strokes until Silver comes as well, panting with the rush of it, his headfalling against Flint’s good shoulder. His curls spill over Flint’s shirt and Flint huffs a breath to keep them from tickling his nose.

Silver’s certainty sweeps over him. He’ll take back theship, he’ll get the crew to follow him, and they’ll go after the gold. The plan forNassau isn’t lost yet.

He gives one last squeeze to Silver’s cock and removes hishand, wiping it on the pallet.

Silver murmurs something indecipherable, already drowsy withsleep.

Flint closes his eyes. He feels Silver moving closer, armscreeping tentatively around Flint, holding him.

He shouldn’t allow Silver to do this either. This is toointimate, but Flint’s still weary, if his body feels more relaxed than it hasin years. So he lets himself be held, let’s Silver’s breath warm his shoulder.

In the morning he’ll come up with a plan. Silver’sright. He has every intention of becoming a captain again. And he’s not sorryto have Silver at his side.  Maybe he’seven grateful.

The last thing Flint does before he falls asleep is lean in towhisper three words very quietly into Silver’s hair. “You’re not wrong.”

Whether Silver hearsthem or not, Flint doesn’t know. What he does know is Silver’s body restingagainst his, warm and strong and safe, lulls him off to sleep.

[icelebrities-dalisa]

You’re in for a Shock: A Review of Carrie Fisher’s Shockaholic

Shockaholic by Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher, also known as Princess Leia, General Organa and most importantly to social media and the loving Space Mom who tells it like it is released a plethora of amazing books in her precious time here on this Earth. She was a force to be reckoned with (pun intended), inside and outside the universe of Star Wars. Everything ranging from her wide array of best seller books of both fiction and memoirs to her explosive Twitter account where she posted gems such as “G’nite F**k-O’s”, was truly genuine. It came from her heart, out through her foul-mouth with no censorship or apologizes.

Shockaholic (published in 2011) doesn’t fail to deliver on the rampant and brutal honesty we know and love from our Space Mom. The book starts off by explaining, in an almost narcissistic way how we are going to fall in love and enjoy the journey of reading about another part of Carrie’s life. It’s severely assuming, but you know the real kicker is? She’s absolutely right. Every time you think you know everything about Carrie Fisher she comes out with a story that leaves you thinking, “this lady is wild and I love her” the sheer amount of life she poured into her days and experienced is not only shocking but inspiring. That same life is splattered across the rest of the pages of this book, such as when she went on a date its senator, or suffers after the great loss of a friend or even and giving an insight as to what shock therapy is really like. It’s crazy to think that shock therapy is a viable option because media has been painting it in such a negative light but Carrie explains it as much less scary alternative. Her honesty is resonant in every chapter. Almost too honest, but it’s what we need to know. It’s what makes this so raw and palpable.

The chapter where she speaks of her “friendship” (of sorts) with Michael Jackson is one of my favorites, I love reading about how it’s like inside the life of celebrities. One of my favorite paragraphs is in this chapter when she explains how different their perspective on themselves is, she writes:

“What are they like in real life?” What sort of question is that? “Oh, he’s so nice,” people will say after they encounter a celebrity. “Incredibly down-to-earth.” Down-to-earth from where? Where did they get back to earth from?! And was it a long trip? Will they go back soon? And why? And will they take me with them?”

This is why points of view such as the ones Carrie so generously offers are so important. Understanding the inside workings of how celebrities live truly are is an integral part of learning to treat them as fellow humans instead of glorified stars who are distant to us as galaxies from far, far away — when they are not. They are flawed, they go through uncomfortable, hilarious, heartbreaking experiences just like the rest of us. She also explores how harrowing it was to live in the limelight as a child, especially when her mother Debbie Reynolds went from her father, Eddie Fisher to Shoe tycoon Harry Karl. The way she writes about Harry Karl is less than favorable, something that somebody with extreme loyalty to their father would say. Which she explains in the last chapter of her book, where the love she had for her father jumps from the pages, no matter how flawed and distant he was, Carrie loved him dearly. 

Eddie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds and a baby Carrie Fisher 

Another one of my favorite quotes is one that I’d seen all across social media and heard before but I never knew it hailed from Carrie Fisher or this book in particular,

“Now, I am not a stupid person. I’m a fairly intelligent person who does stupid things.” This resonates with me deeply, always has, always will. We all make stupid decisions from time to time, its kind of comforting to know that if Space Mom makes it through, I can survive my self-sabotaging too. Although her stupid decisions are vastly more different, dangerous and rather life-threatening, than mine. Although I guess, eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream while being lactose intolerant is kind of life-threatening as well, it’s still not at the same level as almost dying from an overdose. Another great quote is actually a snippet from her novel, Postcards from the Edge, when the main character defends her drug addiction-driven behavior as non-suicidal “Well, the behavior might be, but I’m certainly not.” She also makes it clear that the main character from this book is a mirror image of herself.

This book, much like her other books, also serves as an insight into the world of drug addiction. If there are two things I knew from Carrie Fisher prior to reading her books, it’s that she was a movie star with heavy drug addiction problems. She makes it clear how deep it went into her day to day life and how much it affected her, her friends and her family. It’s almost a Hollywood cliche to be a star with drug problems at this point, but Carrie was so open about it that it’s almost a refreshing cautionary tale, even though she didn’t mean it like that, or maybe she did. Maybe by exploring her drug addiction through her memoirs and how it deeply affected her when her friend overdosed next to her it makes us want to take a step back and re-evaluate our stances on it. After all, she was our Space Mom. Having a drug addiction is not reserved for the rich and famous, it affects people from all walks of life. Although Carrie’s perspective is unique it’s still quite privileged in the sense that she could go to therapy and that she could rely on other parts of her life to find fulfillment, like her career, her daughter Billie or her famous and beloved bulldog Gary, we can still find solace in it. We can still see how an addict goes through life and it helps humanize their struggle even more. Addicts are human, just like celebrities are, just like Carrie was. That’s the point of this book I feel, is to help humanize the extremes of humanity like stardom or drug addiction, in one hilariously and well-written compilation of stories from Carrie Fisher’s life. A wonderful life that she so gracefully shared with us.

At 1:58 she is asked which of her books is her favorite, and it wasn’t Shockaholic, it was actually Delusions of Grandma. She explains that Delusions is by far her most raw book, which is to say a lot because Shockaholic is pretty raw and this question was asked after the release of that book. It goes to show how little we truly see on the surface level of celebrities, even if they were born and raised in the spotlight and had their entire life exploited on gossip magazines. I’m drowning in gratefulness to Carrie Fisher, for letting us explore her memories with her. 

Her Twitter bio reads, “there’s no room for demons when you are self-possessed” and this book, Shockaholic, is a testament to that. It’s a perfect window shopping view into her life, that both entertains and invites you to understand a different lifestyle altogether where demons lurk behind every paparazzi smile, every celebrity encounter, and every blockbuster movie. 

[celticnoise]

CQN continue our extended tribute to the legendary Lisbon Lions who took their place in the annals of fame 52 years ago when they won the European Cup.

We are featuring EXCLUSIVE edited extracts from Alex Gordon’s book in honour of Celtic’s greatest-ever team, ‘THE LISBON LIONS: The 40th Anniversary’, which was published 12 years ago. The author interviewed the existing eight Lions at the time for their colourful views on the biggest day in the history of Celtic Football Club.

Today, we look at Bobby Lennox’s special take on the Big Day.

I RECKON Stevie Chalmers did Inter Milan’s players a massive favour when he stuck that winning goal in their net with only five minutes remaining in Lisbon.

Really, the Italians should have overtaken any Celtic player in the race to congratulate Stevie.

If that game had gone to an extra 30 minutes we would have hammered them, believe me. I am utterly convinced we would have notched up a scoreline that would have embarrassed the Italians. They were out on their feet nearing the end of that wonderful game.

They were shattered after chasing shadows for 85 minutes and they didn’t look as though they were up for some of the same in a bout of extra-time. It would only have been a matter of time before we scored again and the way we were playing that day I don’t think we would have known how to take our foot off the gas.

We wouldn’t have had the inclination, either. We would just have kept on going, no matter what the score might have been.

Their goal had led a somewhat charmed life although, to be fair, their keeper, Giuliano Sarti, should have got some sort of individual medal for his bravery as he kept the scoreline respectable. But even he would have capitulated in the event of another half-hour. He simply couldn’t have replicated his efforts in the regulation time.

So, when Stevie sidefooted that one in from six yards, it put Inter Milan out of their misery. That is not meant to sound big-headed or arrogant. Anyone who knows me will tell you that is certainly not my style.

PENALTY-BOX PRINCE…Bobby Lennox swoops to score against Partick Thistle keeper George Niven.

I’m just stating a fact. The Italians were on the verge of collapse. Meltdown was minutes away. I think the stretcher-bearers might have been working overtime during any extra-time period. Thankfully, we didn’t need it.

Our fitness levels in Lisbon were awesome. We were primed and ready to go. The hard work, the preparation, the dedication and the resilience all came together at the right time and we were unstoppable.

Jock Stein always demanded a lot from his players. He never asked anyone to do something he didn’t believe was in their locker, but when he did order you to do something, he expected you to give it your undivided attention and 100 per cent commitment. Our tactics in Lisbon were basically quite simple. He looked at Willie Wallace, Stevie Chalmers and myself and said: “Keep on moving, make runs for the midfielders coming through. Take defenders with you, continue to make space for others.” He might have added: “If you want to chuck in a goal or two, then fine!”

We were a very mobile team. There was a lot of pace about the place and another thing that was very important and must have worried Inter Milan manager Helenio Herrera when he watched us or had his spies looking at us was the fact that the goals were spread throughout the team.

The side did not rely on me to score. Or Stevie. Or Wispy. With the exception of Ronnie Simpson in goal, of course, and John Clark, as our defensive rock, everyone else was capable of getting a goal or two. Tommy Gemmell, to my mind, was an exceptional left-back. He revolutionised that position in our team. Funnily enough, for a guy who was principally a defender, he used to admit he couldn’t tackle too well. He didn’t have to, other teams used to fear him as he bombed forward, threatening to use that mighty right peg of his.

I could go through the team. Jim Craig might not have claimed many goals, but he certainly set up his fair share. Bobby Murdoch could score goals from distance. Billy McNeill was known to get the odd headed goal or two. Bertie Auld knew where the opposition’s net was. Jimmy Johnstone, Willie Wallace, Stevie Chalmers and myself were always good for double figures during the season.

If I had been Herrera I would have wondered how to stop this side. The Italians were big fans of man-marking, of course, but how on earth do you man-mark an entire team?

People often ask me what was my favourite goal in that European Cup run. Well, it wasn’t one of mine! As it happens, I only scored two, in both legs of our 6-2 aggregate win over Nantes in the Second Round. Neither, I have to say, was particularly spectacular.

ON THE BALL…Bobby Lennox prepares to take off.

However, Big Billy’s winner against Vojvodina was something special altogether. What a thrilling climax to a truly eventful evening. Naturally, I was overjoyed for all the obvious reasons, but I was also doubly pleased because we had stuck two past their goalkeeper, Ilija Pantelic.

I would like to believe I am a fairly easy-going type of bloke, but I really hated that guy. I know making a comment like that is way out of character for me, so please let me explain why I disliked the Vojvodina No.1 so much. In the first leg of our quarter-final in Yugoslavia, I made a challenge for a 50/50 ball as I was quite entitled to do.

I did it every week in Scottish football and no-one complained. Pantelic didn’t like being disturbed, though. I slid in, my momentum took me forward and the goalkeeper collapsed on top of me as he collected the ball. It certainly wasn’t a foul, but Pantelic wasn’t too happy.

He got to his feet and motioned to help me get up, too. It was all very sporting, but if anyone had bothered to take a closer look they would have seen the Slav had a handful of my hair as he ‘helped’ me back up off the ground. I’ve got a sense of humour, but that was no laughing matter.

Mind you, I should get in touch with him just in case he still possesses clumps of my hair – I could do with it now!

We were all convinced we would overturn their one-goal first-leg advantage. Me? I just wanted to stick one or two behind a certain Mr.Pantelic to welcome him to Glasgow in no uncertain fashion.

Alas, I didn’t get my wish, but we still beat them and that was the main objective all along. However, if you see footage of our first goal by Stevie Chalmers have a look at what I’m getting up to. I’m right in the goalkeeper’s face and giving it ‘Yahoo!’.

Normally, I would run to the goalscorer to offer my congrats and give him a pat on the head, but I just couldn’t help myself for making a beeline to their crestfallen keeper and letting him know exactly how I felt. I’m sorry, I had to do it.

If I was happy then, you can imagine my feeling of sheer elation a minute from time when Big Billy sauntered forward in that manner of his and got his head to Charlie Gallagher’s beautifully-flighted right-wing corner-kick.

My friend Pantelic was caught in no-man’s land as the ball soared high into the net. I kept away from him that time, I didn’t want to push my luck! He was a big guy, after all, and his side had just been sent reeling out of Europe.

I must say in his favour, though, we shook hands at the end of the game and he wished me all the best for the rest of the competition. I appreciated that.

TOMORROW: The Spirit of 67: Big Jock, the man who made it all possible.

http://bit.ly/2HXXN5B

[whoistayla]

ART FAIR Q&A

 The galleries we visited the previous day (Thursday) before the art fair were Blank, Goodman and Stevenson. When I found those galleries booths at the art fair I did my utmost best to reflect on what I saw the day before & compare it to the galleries booths at the art fair. Blank Gallery had less sculpture work and more 2D visual art like paintings & collage or mixed media. They filled their space more than the actual gallery did and they also managed to use their space wisely & with consideration as to how the works flow into one another. The Stevenson space looked very much like the actual gallery does. Everything was spaced out & curated almost according to the way they do it in the real space. I felt like one could see it was the Stevenson booth as soon as they walked in & didn’t even have to read the booth name because it gave off the same professional yet fresh approach that the Stevenson space in Woodstock gives off. Goodman gallery was very different to the original space. In facet I thought that the Goodman booth had more space than that of the space in which you walk through when first entering the real gallery. It was very well put together and curated in a way that was not particular to Goodmans’ usual way of curating. 

Throughout the day the artworks I absolutely loved were from SMITH & Kalashnikov gallery and Bad Paper, being; “Wet Nurse” by Michaela Younge (SMITH) as her work has always fascinated me with the use of veldt & sewing – her very uncanny characters & scenes always grasp me into another world or narrative. From Kalashnikov gallery I just fell in love with the 3 Louie De Villiers (formerly known as Skullboy) works that were up, I struggled to find the title of the work but it was a triptych of figures in black, white and gold leaf. I love Louies’ way of using mixed mediums like paint, chalk, gold leaf and ink. His subject matter is very dark & he comments on pop culture topics as well as takes inspiration from the roads less travelled. The work I loved at Bad Paper was by the screenprint titled, “The Worlds Greatest” by Cameron Platter.  The bright green was so attracting and immediately caught my attention from across the corridor-like area opposite the bad paper stand, I also spoke to Ben at the stand who told me that it each screen print came out slightly different due to parts being out of line, which made me like the piece even more because each one was still different to the next even though the visual artwork was the same. The first work that I absolutely hated was “Dirty Mirror” by Pascale Marthine Tayou, I found the work to just be very boring, although I could see the work was an attempt to be playful I found it unsuccessful and just something that shouldn’t be at an art fair (in my personal opinion). I also disliked “Blue Water Boatman” by LR Vandy, I found it to look very ornamental and almost like a modern day shield but also looking like an iron – 2/10 wouldn’t recommend. And lastly, I could not find the title but the work at the Stevenson stand by Serge Alain Nitegeka was definitely something that was very overpowering for me and made me feel very frustrated and bored because of how flat the painting seemed to me.

3. Predominant mediums and processes I found at the fair this year were photography, as there was a very large area taken up by photographic booths (i.e: Billy Monk) in the fair this year. There was also a lot more collage based work and mixed mediums like markers/paint pens and screenprints.

4. Some booths had their walls painted different colours such as yellow or grey, and some spaces had gallerist desks whilst others had none. And some booths were simple squares but others were rather awkwardly shaped.

5. Obvious differences are how some booths are labelled either very clearly or not at all. Some booths were very risky (in my opinion) and wrote labels of artworks on pen & paper and laid it on the floor in front of the artworks which I found to be rather frustrating and un-clear as to why it was curated that way.

6. The layout was a lot more spacious this year and allowed for easier & more comfortable movement. Its perhaps layed out this way due to the group tours that were happening, which I do not remember seeing last year & I found that altogether there were a lot of improvements at the 2019 CTIAF in comparison to what I saw last year. The lighting wasn’t very harsh either.

7. As above mentioned, the lighting wasn’t very harsh this year and each booth had their own lighting where necessary (i.e: Bad paper stand & Sitaara Stodels stand). There would be individual lights for certain artworks shining above the work to highlight it or bring it out more. The only artwork I thought lighting could have been placed differently with was the light above the Marine Ambramovic’s work. The light was reflecting directly off the area of the face and so one struggled to see the artwork properly from most angles. 

8. People at the booths are mostly dressed in black and have very professional aspects about the way they look, wearing things like blazers and smart chino pants. The young people (i.e our third years for example) all wore black only and looked the part for whatever task they were handed. Viewers are the ones that seem to amaze me, as many people come to the art fair dressed in their most ‘outgoing’ kind of clothes as I would imagine it may be because they feel safe to try it out at the art fair considering it’s a creative & exciting space to be in.

9. There are ‘markets’ for your regular person where one can purchase books, merchandise and small prints of artworks for a small price. There is then the bigger market for buyers which you will find gets an entire separate event before the show officially opens to the public, which is crazy for me to think about. This separate opening via invites-only is for collectors and potential buyers to view the work with champagne or wine in hand and choose what they’d like to own. This ‘higher’ market can purchase artworks and expensive prints that are very much out of the regular persons price range. They can also make connections with other buyers and collectors.

10. A work that I thought exemplified the spectacle of wealth was Athi-Patra Ruga’s bust sculpture that I have previously seen at What If The World gallery in town. Its incredibly glamourous and really seems to make you say “wow” as it is jewel encrusted (not sure if fake or real jewels but nonetheless), and uses a colour scheme of golds and reds – making for an impactful and memorable piece. It seems like something a very wealthy person would want made for themselves to place in their gigantic, marble floored foyer.

11. I mentioned it previously but will mention it again, I thought “Dirty Mirror” did not fit with the rest of the fair and it just stuck out to me as something that seemed to annoy me just because of its mere presence amongst such other conceptually and technically great artwork.

12. I found it much easier to ask about prices this year as I felt more confident about my own knowledge on some galleries and their artists so I knew how to approach it better this time around and each gallerist I approached seemed to have no problem telling me the prices of work even though I was clearly a student who can’t afford it.

13. Investec were the lead sponsor and also Fiera Milano Exhibitions Africa, of the Fiera Group. Fiera were there on behalf of international artists to handle international exchanges and services between all sponsors. Boschendal champagne were also very evident sponsors as their branding was largely all over the place, and their brand of champagne was served. Artsy was also another sponsor of the event as well as Art Africa, The Lake, Art Times, Arthrob and Flash Art.

14. It takes place at the CTICC due to the available space, professionalism in appearance and the lack of limitations within the space when it comes to size and transporting of artwork around the space.

15. Irma Stern pieces were the oldest I could find.

16. Young artists that were exhibited were Chris Soal, recent 2018 Michaelis graduate Takua Ramkilawan and Michaelis graduates from a year or two before such as Sitaara Stodel, Gitte Moller and Michaela Younge.

17. Solo booths seem to be themed, have painted walls to coincide with the artwork and simply look more ‘put together’ as all the work is cohesive. Group booths are trickier to curate and could easily look like it was carelessly thrown together so a lot more consideration should be taken with group show booths.

18. Marina Ambramovic’s work had a lot of talk surrounding it, I think this was because she is such a notorious artist and there is so much information surrounding her and her body of work. And I feel like very few south Africans ever thought they would see a Marina original piece with their own pair of eyes.

19. Artwork surrounded a lot of subjects regarding identity, personal experiences and shared/relatable experiences. I think this may be because we are living in a day and age where identity is becoming more and more complex and experimentative which in turn makes it difficult for some to navigate through, hence why they make art about it.

20. I would love to be represented by Kalashnikov gallery, I just love MJ Turpins style of curation and the risks he is willing to take by putting certain types of work up. Turpin has fresh ideas that really resonate with me and I would be honoured if I ever got to show work in his gallery.

21. I would love to work at Bad Paper with Ben. I love his approach to artists and collaboration, and how he brings some of the wildest ideas into play. Ben is an interesting person for starters and I can totally see how Bad Paper is like the rebellious child of the art world. I would love to be a part of his team some day.

22. A question for me would be, is it best to take an organized tour of the art fair or go on your own?

23. If I had to hypothetically have my own art gallery/institute I would love to show something, but I would try and make it interactive where I can use different coloured lighting to go with the works. Make it so the lighting acts as a part of the artwork instead of it being something to highlight it around the artwork.

[complex-security-system]

How this blog works, and things to keep in mind.

Cast of Characters

All of the following live in The Complex, a building which looks like an apartment complex on the outside, but is infinitely large on the inside, having exactly enough rooms for whoever resides here. Please don’t make any Tardis references, because Joe will go all stalker fanboy again.

Billy: Technically an idiot, he is smarter than his brother bob in terms of common sense. Everyone likes him except bob. He is in fact so stupid, that he doesn’t understand the laws of physics, and therefore has what has been referred to as “Billy powers”, and has thus become the name for all similar abilities. He is one of the princes of the universe, being the son of Uni, who is the universe. He has a baby voice accent/impediment(l’s and R’s are replaced with W’s), and no one knows why. Nothing can kill him. He really loves coconuts and his brother.

Bob: Technically a genius, he is commonly referred to as the idiot, for making really boneheaded decisions. He has a gigantic laboratory, and thousands of world ending doomsday devices, none of which he can set off because everyone else always prevents it. He despises everyone, and he strives to be evil, but he is terrible at it mostly because no one let’s him. He is one of the princes of the universe, being the son of Uni, who is the universe. He has an extremely British accent, and no one knows why. Bob claims he knows how to kill Billy, and that he has done it before, but it upsets the balance of the universe. He really loves chocolate, and hates everyone else, and absolutely despises his brother.

Uni: She is not actually the universe, but rather a physical embodiment of the sector of space that contains the solar system. She likes long walks on the beach, and making up things about herself. Don’t ask her how she can be the universe if she’s inside of herself. Just…don’t. Often she will appoint people as the “Deity Of XXXXX”, but she is very trigger happy with this, and it is essentially a meaningless title.

Joe: Billy and bobs third brother/uncle/friend/… (very quickly you will learn that the family tree of this group fell apart a long time ago, and now they just let each other exist around one another.)*ahem* Joe is a time traveler, and can time travel at will. Uni has called him the Deity of Time, which is meaningless, and his main job in life is to film every single moment in history, including himself. He often stalks the doctor. The Doctor has several restraining orders out on him. Being a time traveler, there are often several versions of him in the complex at a time. In his own personal timeline, there’s something that has to do with cheese, where some joes love cheese, and others despise it and believe it to be the cause of all evil in the universe. They’re split pretty 50/50 on this. The True, or Original Joe, does his best to distance himself from both parties, and generally avoids interacting with them altogether.

Berald(Hi!): Berald is one of Bobs children(he built robot children, and he hates them), and is the AI hardwired into the entire complex. (Bob built the complex.) His physical body is really hot, and he’s down to clown at any ti—bchirebhu- Hi, this is Bob. Berald is not down for any clowns. I just have to run the security system through him.—…..Killjoy…

Madeline: Bob's other robot child, she was originally built to be a maid, but she just loafed about in her room all day being a bi—Hi, Bob again. She does still fulfill her programmed duties ‘some’times, however, she has developed an attitude and a *shudder* personality. She is of her own mind and opinion now, and I regret ever building any children.—CAN I DO MY JOB PLEASE!?!?!

Sam: A fusion of Billy and Bob from either an alternate dimension or timeline, or the future, we’re not really sure anymore because of how many times over the universe has been reinvented. He is the embodiment of truest and utmost chaos in the most stable form possible. He has nearly sage-like knowledge, but youre fubberknucked if you want to ask him anything. He has a version of Billy powers that even Billy doesn’t understand. He is Rebekah’s brother, and the only person who can calm her/only person she can’t kill.

Rebekah: Completely less than indifferent on any topic except for sandwiches. Even though everyone is immortal, she can kill any character except for Sam. She’s not above being bribed to be someone’s hired muscle, but you should keep in mind that her loyalty ends the second you stop giving her more sandwiches then the person you want her to antagonize.

Buuton(“Boo-Tawn”): One of Rebekah’s adopted children, a robot that Bob modified from a torture device she brought home after being kidnapped once and killing her captors. The button on his nose can summon anything that she wants, but it only works for her. He mostly makes sandwiches, but he doesn’t mind.

Pyro: Rebekah’s other adopted child. He breathes fire. That’s pretty neat, I guess. He’s usually toasting her sandwiches.

Moot: Billy’s adopted son, moot is mute, and can only communicate through rapid, small, sharp slaps. If he slaps you, you understand what he is saying with perfect clarity, but to everybody else, it just looks like he’s hitting you. He is, however, able to say one full sentence a day. He usually wastes it purposefully to spite everyone.

Officer Madam: Uni’s mother, and the deity of law, which is meaningless. She has the authority to arrest anyone anywhere in the Universe, and is usually arresting people from the complex to take them before the Supreme Council, of whom very little is understood.

Death: Life and Death were once mutually on trial, because no one knew which one of them was evil. Technically, we still aren’t sure, but after several trials, it has been determined that Life was evil, and he was promptly killed. Death now has the powers/jobs of both life and death, and guards the one way barrier to Tartarus, which is at the bottom of a large set of stairs under a trapdoor on the table in the kitchen of the complex.

Martian Billy/Bob: Martian Billy and Martian Bob are the flips of their respective counterparts. Martian Billy is a terrible evil genius bent on invading planet earth, and Martian Bob is a jovial and conversational fellow with Billy powers who squirts Martian Bob with water(which he is allergic to) everytime he is being evil while they are visiting.

Dumb Bob: Wife of Billy, has Billy powers, basically Billy gender bent, except without universal implications.

Smart Billy: Girlfriend of Bob, not British or quite as evil, and actually smart and good at science. She hates how slow Bob is.

The “I Am’s”: Creature’s that look entirely like people, but proudly pronounce “I’m a…!”, usually inserting the name of an inanimate object, like a wall, table, or umbrella. They function perfectly fine as the object they claim to be, though it is unnerving when you find one who is a toilet. No one knows where they came from anymore, but Sam has hinted at being their leader several times. By now, they make up most of the structural integrity of the complex, and Bob has given up on trying to eradicate them, though his disdain still remains.

Places

Clones/clone planets: A long time ago, Bob once cloned himself and Billy. Long story short, this eventually got so out of hand with clones making more of them selves, that they were ejected into space with their cloning machines. Somehow, every species of clone managed to land on their own habitable planet, and proceeded to setup their own cultures and governments. In fact, it is unknown whether or not the original Billy even exists anymore, because all the Billy clones hold an election to determine who will be Earths Billy for the month. Often times there are rejected clones which are in some way not similar to the originally intended clonee, and are intended for an incinerator, but sometimes they escape and make their way to earth for refuge. There exists a clone planet for everyone, because Bob is an idiot and keeps trying to clone people.

The bush zone: A place accessible by walking into any bush backwards, the bush zone is filled with nothing but void and bushes labeled with their corresponding locations in the real world. This place is commonly frequented by Officer Madam for transit, but the others have been known to use it if their other methods of travel have become indisposed.

The kitchen: At dinner, everyone gathers at the kitchen table. Including villains. During dinner, you eat food. Nothing else happens. You do so calmly, and without interaction. If you bring any sort of war or vendetta into dinner and act upon it, you will either be ignored, or, as the enacting party, be set upon by everyone, and your food will be subject to foraging.

Uni’s house: Uni refuses to live in the complex even though she spends most of her time there and even attends dinner. Her house is floating in empty space, and is made of void matter. Only people who live in the complex can survive in her house. It is a one bedroom apartment, with a kitchen and bath, and a living room. Oh, and she just got a new blender, but she’s afraid to use it in case it breaks(and because she can't figure it out).

Mars: Boring and desolate. Its really just a glorified house for Martian Billy and Bob when they aren’t visiting the complex. They aren’t Martians either. They are fellons from some other solar system, and were marooned together on Mars. Martian Bob didn’t have anything to do with it, but he was perfectly fine with a life sentence stuck with his brother. Martian Billy on the other hand, has…alternative opinions.

The Complex: The complex was built by Bob, and is the main hub of all weirdness in the world. Those mentioned above are just the people who most often interact and are actually important, but there are thousands more people living in the complex. Everyone has a whole floor dedicated just for them, even if you don’t live there, and the floor plan  is automatically fitted to suit your needs and tastes.

Bob’s Lab: Locked. Always locked. Yet somehow, Billy gets in all the time and manages to break everything. Bob has stocked up several doomsday devices, and various weapons of mass destruction. He claims to have successfully determined how to kill Billy, but he never does it, leaving people to wonder whether he doesn’t actually know how, or if he just doesn’t want to.

The Multiverse (uni’s sisters): Often times Bob will get bored, frustrated, genocidal, or otherwise emotionally expressive, so Uni will take him on a tour through the multiverse to show him just how good he has it. But what he doesn’t know, is that she never shows him any of the universes where his life could be in any way better.

Billy's Coconut farm: Its in Peru.

Billy's Insane Asylum: Its under his farm

Special materials/procedures

X-proof materials: Bob managed to isolate various fluids that, when something is coated with it, become immune to the powers of the corresponding person. For example, anything that is Billy proofed is immune to Billy, and Billy powers. Anything that is Rebekah proof is immune to Rebekah, Sam proof is immune to Sam, and so on.

Princes of the universe and voting: As princes of the universe, Billy and Bob have full power of what happens to the entire universe. However, in order to do something, they have to agree on it. So the universe is completely safe.

The complex threshold: The only way to become weird and obtain powers is to walk through the door of the complex, and everyone got so tired of this happening, that they now keep the door under heavy guard of Someone standing there and saying, “hey don’t do that, thanks.”

Statuing: everyone has one statue somewhere in the world that looks like them and is extremely life-like. They are indestructible. At any time, you can choose to body hop to wherever your statue is, turning your previous body location into the new statue.

Plexiglass and Sausages:Once, Bob found this odd property of plexiglass. Its basically the kryptonite of all weirdness, and can be used to fashion inescapable prisons. Unfortunately, Plexiglass has it’s own kryptonite, which Billy so happens to carry with him at all times, Sausages. Bob has yet to find a counteractive material for this.

Billy Powers: Includes floating, teleportation, time travel, laser eyes, invisibility, shapeshifting, and etc. However, the powers in question don’t activate unless you proclaim aloud the title of the power you intend to use

Everyone is immortal for some reason: Pretty self explanatory, tbh.

TL; DR: Complete and utter chaos at the ready.