#which is self deprecation in a Music Theatre Kid kind of way

[maximura]

omg ur tags but also sza should've won w sos 😭😭😭

If they've never given AOTY to Beyonce they were never going to give it to SZA. I knew they were just a board of petty sycophants when The Weeknd's After Hours wasn't even nominated. Do they really expect us to take the AOTY category seriously anymore? LMAO.

[rulesofthebeneath]

masters of our fates- chapter 2

@ajaysbhandari @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @awkwardalbatros @ravenclawpokegirl25 @itsbrindleybinch

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21706489/chapters/51862954

As soon as Ajay merged onto the highway, he pressed the button that turned on the radio. It was tuned to talk radio, but before Grace could side-eye him he quickly switched over to the CD player, which instantly started playing a song off the Wicked soundtrack. It was Grace’s turn to raise her eyebrows.

“You like musicals?” she asked.

“Love them,” he replied. He started humming along with the singers.

“Me too,” Grace admitted. “I cried the first time I saw Wicked.”

Ajay bit his lip. “Did you do theatre? Pre-diagnosis, I mean.”

“Oh, I was such a diva. There was no getting me out of the spotlight,” Grace recalled with a laugh. 

“I think I saw that part of you in support group,” Ajay said. “You were zoned out for most of it, but it seemed like whenever I said something you had to steal my spotlight.” He smiled so she’d know he was teasing, but she still felt a wave of insecurity go through her.

“Yeah, I… don’t know what that was all about. I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

Ajay shook his head. “No, don’t apologize. Sometimes I need to be put in my place.”

Grace snorted, but didn’t say anything further. They rode along, listening to the song, until the song switched, and Ajay apparently couldn’t contain himself to just humming anymore.

“One short day in the Emerald City…” he sang along with the chorus on the soundtrack. As soon as Grace turned to look at him, he raised his eyebrows: a clear invitation.

She rolled her eyes, but caved in.

“One short day in the Emerald City. One short day, full of so much to do,” she sang along shyly, fully aware that her weakened voice couldn’t compare with his, or with what he was used to hearing.

But he didn’t seem to care.

“Every way that you look in the city, there’s something exquisite you’ll want to visit before the day’s through,” he sang, his eyes trained on the road but a stunning grin spreading across his face. 

“There are buildings tall as Quoxwood trees,” Grace sang again, hesitantly.

“Dress salons,” Ajay added, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Libraries,” Grace half-laughed.

“Palaces!” Ajay squeaked, imitating Glinda’s peppy voice, and Grace lost the next line to a fit of giggles.

“There are wonders like I’ve never seen,” Ajay sang next, recovering more quickly than Grace could.

“It’s all grand,” sang Grace, her voice cracking on the top note. In the embarrassment, she lost her breath, and with it all focus on the singing.

Ajay noticed, and kept one eye on her careful breathing as he merged off the highway. He turned the music down, but not all the way off.

Grace tried to stop herself from audibly gasping for air, but it was a close thing. She didn’t want Ajay to see her like that, so weak.

Damn lungs, she thought to herself. Embarrassing her in front of somebody she found herself really wanting to impress, for some reason.

He pulled into the diner’s parking lot, and looked over at her. She could feel the concern in his gaze, and without looking at him, she waved him off while taking carefully controlled breaths from her cannula.

“I’m… fine… not… dying…” she said between breaths, and relief crossed Ajay’s face.

“Do you need anything? Um, water or something?”

He was clearly out of his depth.

“No… just… one… second…” Grace said, still wheezing slightly. She gripped the edge of the seat tightly as she tried to force the air into her lungs, tried to keep their pathetic wheezing and trembling to a minimum. It took her more than the one second she’d asked for, but eventually her lungs were back under autonomous control.

She sat up and saw Ajay looking at her, pity clear on his face.

“No,” she said, her voice embarrassingly faint but her will strong enough to make up for it. She cleared her throat. “No,” she said again. “None of that. Do you like it when people look at you like that when they find out about your leg?”

“I-- no,” Ajay conceded, shifting his gaze away from her. “I’m sorry. I was just worried.”

“I’m fine,” Grace said, her guard shooting back up. “No need to worry.”

“Okay.” With that, Ajay got out of the car. Grace followed suit, and the two walked into the diner and were seated as soon as they got there by an older lady. They each ordered hot tea and a stack of pancakes, and then Grace saw Ajay’s eyes fixed on her again.

“What?”

“Does that happen a lot?” he asked.

Grace sighed. “Not anymore. It used to happen a ton before I started taking the medicine I’m on now.”

“Oh,” he said. 

Grace looked down at her hands. She tried to figure out how to break the tension, but eventually it was Ajay speaking up again that did it.

“So, anyways. Grace. What’s your last name?”

It was clear he was just fishing around for something to say, but Grace decided to humor him.

“Lee,” she said. “Short and sweet. What’s yours?”

“Bhandari,” he said. “Neither short nor sweet. Do you have any siblings?”

“My twin brother goes to Berry,” she said. “He was running against Rory for student body president last year. Now he’s VP.”

“Oh, you’re James’ sister?” 

“Um. Yes?” she said, a question masking the surprise in her words. “How do you know my brother?”

“I don’t know him well, it’s just that I was Rory’s campaign manager,” he said. 

“Oh, so you’re who I have to thank for all the times he woke me up in the middle of the night to brainstorm campaign ideas.”

Ajay laughed. “Only if that means you’re who I have to thank for his pool noodle sword fight during Rory’s flash mob,”

Grace giggled. “Guilty as charged. Now, do you have any siblings?”

“My little brother, Mohit.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s eight.”

“Wow, that’s quite the age difference.”

“Yeah, really. Sometimes it almost feels like he’s my nephew or something, not my brother. I guess once we’re older it’ll stop feeling like that, but since I basically parented him most of last year…” he trailed off, a guarded look on his face. 

They sat in silence while Grace tried desperately to find something to ease the tension.

“Taking care of your brother and running a campaign during your junior year, sounds stressful,” she said with a half-hearted smile.

He loosened up a little.

“It was. I’m glad the school year is over, even though I really do like school. It was just hard to keep up with everything. Especially math.”

“You don’t like math?” Grace asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“More like math doesn’t like me,” Ajay mumbled, punctuating the sentence with a self-deprecating laugh.

It was a nice laugh.

Shut up, Grace told her brain.

“Enough about me,” Ajay said. “Tell me about you. What’s your story?”

Grace sighed.

“Well, I was diagnosed with stage four thyroid cancer when I was thirteen, and then–”

He cut her off. “No, no, not your Cancer Story. Just your normal story.”

“My normal story?”

“Yeah. Like where you were born, what your hopes and dreams are, your favorite color, things like that.”

Grace was bewildered. Nobody had asked her that in a while. Nowadays, they just saw her cannula and wanted to know why she had to use it. A warm, genuine smile grew on her face, and a giddy bubbly feeling rose up inside her.

“Uh, well, where do I start? I was born in England,” she said, watching his carefully neutral expression.

“England?” he asked, an eyebrow raised and a slight tinge of surprise. “I didn’t know you guys were British.”

“My parents aren’t, just me and James. Our birth parents died when we were really young and our other relatives gave us up for adoption.”

“Oh, you’re adopted. I guess that makes sense. I was about to say that you don’t have an accent at all.”

“Nope, no accent for me. I always kind of thought that would be cool to have a British accent.”

“You’d certainly be able to do a lot of Shakespeare,” Ajay remarked.

Grace nodded. “I never really got the hang of Shakespeare. Or British accents, for that matter.”

“It’s definitely hard to master. So, you said that you used to act?”

“Yes, and I was a complete spotlight hog,” Grace said. “You can ask Rory. I used to make James watch little plays that Rory and I wrote when we were kids. I don’t think they’ve ever forgotten the roles that I’d force them into.”

The waitress reappeared then, holding two plates of delicious-looking pancakes. Grace dug in eagerly, the hunger from not eating breakfast that morning overtaking her.

“So what about you?” Grace asked Ajay through a mouthful of pancakes. “What do you do? Besides hating math.”

“I’m actually the director of the shows we do at Berry,” he said, neatly cutting his pancakes into squares. “I’ve always loved directing, and it’s really great of the theatre teacher to let me have so much control over the productions. I do some directing outside of school, too.”

“Wait, you’re the Berry High student director?” Grace asked, surprised.

“Yeah?”

“So you’re the one who convinced the school to use the play as a fundraiser for Rory’s mom.”

Ajay started to look a little sheepish. “Yes, that was me.”

“Wow, Ajay,” Grace said, her admiration for him growing tenfold. “I don’t think I have to tell you how much that helped them.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said, his face turning red. “I mean, obviously it was a big deal for the Silvas, but it was the least I could do. A family friend selflessly helped us out when I was first getting used to my new leg, so it was only fair to pass the kindness on.”

Grace cocked her head, studying him. His eyes were trained on the table, his hands busying themselves with the pancakes. It was clear that he hadn’t started the fundraiser so he could get recognition, but that he actually had genuinely wanted to help someone in need. 

You don’t see that much anymore, Grace thought. The world needs more people like that.

Ajay must have felt her eyes on him, so he looked up and matched her gaze at last.

“What?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Grace countered, a little embarrassed to have been caught staring. “You were staring at me during the whole meeting.”

“Ah, yes. Well at first it was because you were new, because I’ve never seen you in group before. Then by the end, it was because you’d challenged me and argued with me.”

“I’m still sorry about that.”

“I still don’t want you to be sorry about it,” Ajay said. “I like that. I like people who aren’t afraid of talking about the hard stuff.”

Grace shrugged. “Well, when you’ve been dying for three years straight, it’s hard to have a filter about stuff like death. Thinking about that stuff is as natural as a heartbeat for me.”

“Me too,” Ajay admitted, “but I think that’s less because of the cancer and more because I spent middle school stumbling around in a depressive haze.”

“That’s what I do now,” Grace said with a slight grin. “That’s why James told me to go get a life. He’s tired of me just sitting around the house binge-watching reality TV.”

“And your version of getting a life is hanging around some stuck-up director from support group?”

Grace rolled her eyes, casting her eyes around the diner as she tried to come up with a response. The only feeling she could register was nostalgia, as she took in the tiled floor, the old-fashioned booths and the jukebox in the corner. 

“God, I miss this place,” she said without thinking.

“Oh, I know,” Ajay replied, stopping to take a sip out of his mug. “I think the old owners sold it a few years ago, and it just doesn’t quite have its old charm anymore.”

That’s my fault, Grace thought, and she bit her lip. She was the reason her parents had sold the diner, maybe even the reason they weren’t happy anymore. They tried to hide it from her, but she saw how exhausted her dad was after those long shifts. She saw the circles under her mom’s eyes that never went away.

She snapped back into the present and Ajay’s eyes were on her. He looked concerned, and she realized that he must have said something to her.

“Um…” she said, not knowing how to reply. 

“Nevermind,” Ajay said, shaking his head. 

Grace smiled shyly, appreciating the out. “So, should we split the check?”

“That seems fair,” Ajay agreed. The two examined the bill and paid for their respective parts at the register, and then before they knew it, they were back out in the oppressively hot afternoon.

Grace looked down at her hands. “I don’t want to go home yet,” she said. 

Ajay laughed. “Enjoying my company too much?”

“Enjoying the sunshine too much. I haven’t been outside in weeks.”

“Well, then I know where we have to go!” Ajay said, leading Grace towards his car.

She got in. “Is it the park?” she asked.

“I can’t share all my secrets,” he said again, causing Grace to roll her eyes.

A few minutes later, Ajay parked his car in a lot riddled with fallen twigs and green leaves.

“You brought me to the park,” Grace deadpanned.

“You wanted more sunshine,” Ajay pointed out. “I’m just trying to fulfill your request.”

Grace sighed and made for the park’s entrance, Ajay trailing behind her.

“So what was that? At the diner?”

“It was nothing.”

“It clearly wasn’t nothing,” Ajay argued back, cornering Grace in the conversation.

“I’ve already told you too much about myself.”

“That’s not true at all. Only once in our hour-long conversation did I see anything resembling an emotion.”

“Oh? When was that? You’ll have to tell me so I don’t do it again.”

Grace beelined for a bench, the small amount of walking having already exhausted her. Once she reached it, she tried not to collapse. Ajay sat down next to her, his eyes on her, his expression expectant. She knew exactly what he wanted to hear.

“My parents were the old owners of the Golden Griddle,” she said quietly. “They gave it up because they couldn’t afford both me and the restaurateur lifestyle.”

“Shit,” Ajay cursed quietly. “That’s… shit.”

“Yeah,” Grace said. “I took away their dreams. If I’d just died, yknow…”

“They’d have missed you,” Ajay said, and Grace had to admit he made a good point. But she wasn’t going to let him have that.

“They’d have gotten over it,” she said, and Ajay didn’t look like he had a response to that, so the conversation lapsed into silence.

“My parents are divorced,” he offered, out of the blue. “I know it’s because of me, even though they say it’s not.”

“Ajay, I’m sure it’s not--”

“It was because they were always arguing about money,” he said, cutting her off. “My chemo, radiation, surgeries and the new leg must’ve cost… I don’t even know.”

Grace pressed her lips together; it was her turn to not know what to say. She wrung her hands together, silent until he decided to speak again.

“So not only did I ruin their marriage, I also completely ruined Mohit’s life. He should be able to grow up with both his parents, but instead he only sees Dad on weekends. Objectively, I caused that to happen.”

“You can’t control the fact that you had cancer, though,” Grace pointed out. “And you can’t control the fact that the treatments cost a lot.”

“I should never have complained about my knee,” he said with a laugh. “That’s what got us into this mess. I should’ve just shut up about it.”

 “You would’ve died,” Grace said, slowly realizing how much she didn’t want that to happen.

Ajay shrugged. “And saved them a ton of medical expenses.”

“But if you’d died, it would’ve hurt Mohit. He’s so young, it wouldn’t be fair to put him through that.”

“You can’t say your family would get over your death and then turn around and say that to me, though. It’s the same thing. If my death would hurt my brother, your death would hurt your brother just as much.”

Grace huffed. “I guess. Sometimes I think, though, maybe it would’ve been better if I’d died a year or so ago. Before they got me into the clinical trial I’m on. They’re still paying a ton for my medication, and I’m still not getting any better. It seems like a waste of time and money because I’m still going to die young anyway.”

It took Ajay a few minutes to come up with a reply, but when he did, Grace almost smiled. Before long she found herself lost in the conversation, which jumped from morose topic to morose topic. By the time the sun set hours later, still sitting beside Ajay on the wooden park bench, she had gotten a little lost in him too.

It was freeing for a moment-- to do all those things normal teenagers did, get crushes and have friends and go out to the park-- until reality came crashing back to her. This was only temporary. She was just living on borrowed time, until her miracle drug stopped working, until the cancer spread to her brain and made her into a zombie. She couldn’t do that to him. But damn, having let her walls down for the first time was such a rush. Over the course of their conversation, she’d never felt so understood.

But he wasn’t dying, and she was. That was something that would always strain their relationship. So Grace turned it off. She shut down that part of her brain that made her want to giggle when he looked at her, that made her desperately want to reach out and put her hand on top of his.

“I have to get home,” she said abruptly. Ajay looked surprised, but he didn’t say anything until they’d gotten to the car. Grace walked a little slower than usual, under the excuse of being tired, but she really wanted to draw the night out longer, the one night where she had felt normal.

“At least give me your number,” he said. “It was nice to talk to someone who gets it. I don’t really talk to many other survivors, and it was a good conversation.”

Grace decided she’d allow herself that. A shining chance at feeling normal again. And if she was completely honest with herself, she couldn’t turn down the opportunity to talk to him again.

“Ok, fine, give me your phone.”

When he smiled, her dimmed world lit up just a little, but she ignored the way her heart skipped a beat. There wasn’t time for that.

By the time he pulled up at her house, though, her thoughts were pitch black again, so she had to shut them all out. It was her best coping strategy, a suit of armour to shield her from the gnawing pain the words could cause.

“Goodnight, Grace,” Ajay said, but she could barely hear him. 

“Goodnight,” she forced herself to say, and then she went into her house. Not having the energy to talk to her parents or James, she just forced a sleepy smile, told them she was tired, and headed off to her room. She locked the door, turned all the lights off, changed out her oxygen canister to one that would let her make it through the night, and tried not to think.

[theragamuffininitiative]

Last Days of Summer @KCRep

Well this has been long in coming

Guys.

I saw Last Days of Summer with Corey Cott and Emily Padgett and it was amazing and now I’m here a week and a day late to talk your ear off about it. ;)

I went with my favorite cousin (shhh don’t tell the other cousins) to see the show because she likes theatre too but her family doesn’t care so they never see things.

She knew I was a fan of one of the cast, and I did my level best not to fangirl too hard and I think it was an all around success. :D

This was yet another exercise in the “how far will Rags drive across the country to see a show if it is at all a possibility to do so” which I think is going to drive my parents insane.

When we got there, I did what I forgot to do at The Lion King and asked if it was ok to take pictures of the curtain call. Unfortunately, because of copyright reasons with Jason Sherwood’s set design, pictures were not allowed. :P But now at least I think I’ll remember to ask the ushers at shows, because curtain calls are my favorite thing and someday I will get pictures at them.

I’m not going to spoil the story for anyone who may want to read the book the musical is based off of, or just in case it gets produced again. (please please please) But if you’re curious, there’s this.

We went the last night because I couldn’t get away sooner. I would have loved to see the first show and then seen the closing show because I know they did a lot of changes, but I’m really happy with the version we saw.

It opened with a radio suspended on a wire, and the crackling voice of a baseball announcer set the narrative into motion. The radio was one of my favorite parts of the production, it was a great storytelling technique.

Robbie Berson as young Joey Margolis was amazing. All the kids in the cast were, but as the main protagonist....antagonist? hm, anyways, the main character, he carried the story the whole time in a great way, always believable as an incorrigible kid and strong enough to dig into the deeper parts of the story.

Jim Kaplan as Craig Nakamura was also amazing, and I love the character of sweet but feisty Craig so much.

These two boys, honestly, they were such pros.

And what can I say about Corey and Emily? They are stars, obviously, and I loved every second they were on stage, together or separate.

The end of Act One features a pretty big blow up between Joey and Corey’s Charlie, where Joey allows his emotions to get the better of him and turns on Craig. Charlie scolds him and tells him he has no choice about growing up and gives him a thing or two about being a man. Honestly, that act one closer was pretty great, but it also gave two of my favorite moments of the show:

1) When Charlie gets fed up with Joey’s selfish behavior, Corey bellowed “sit down!” and one older audience member audibly went “whoa” XD XD XD.

2) in the song that follows (”Says Who? Says I”), there was a moment where - for lack of a better description and realizing it’s a pun considering what team Charlie Banks plays on - Corey became a giant on that stage. For most of the production, all the players were equals. Kids and adults and ensemble members alike, they complimented each other and no one outshone anyone else. But near the end of the song, and probably on purpose for the story, Charlie/Corey towered above everything else as he belted out lines that were equally self-deprecating and proud about who Charley and Joey should be. I was in awe. It was a great moment.

Emily’s disguised yet still noticeable baby bump made for some fourth-wall-breaking humorous moments for the audience, considering her starlet character and lead romantic interest persona. But it was all good. XD

I. am. seriously. in. love. with. that. staging. I could talk about the sets all day.

Jeff Calhoun’s directing. Can I get an amen.

Jim/Craig’s performance of “We Always Had a Garden” is honestly the part I got the most emotional over, and he sang it like an angel, I was very wow.

I need the album.

Chris Dwan as Stuke was great. I started to get worried about Stuke’s mortality when he went from “occasional comic relief” to “goofy tag-along friend” and, well, I was right. But he was great and he had this fantastic little random dance number (”This Time It’s For Real”) while singing about his latest crush. It was precious. XD

There was, as the review I linked to said, a lot crammed into this little show. Like, a lot of a lot. The first act balanced everything pretty well, the second act was a little stuffed.

One of the big climactic moments in act two felt very rushed, and one of those “we’re just going to assume the audience gets what we mean” and the audience gets it but isn’t allowed any time to appreciate it. I’d like to see that done a little differently, but I completely chalk it up to there just being such a wealth of plot to deal with in those final scenes and numbers.

Speaking of numbers, if you want a taste of some of the music aside from that one clip with Robbie and Jim, Corey performed some of the songs with some cast members at his concert that week:

“You Never Have to Say Goodbye” - cue tears

“No One Else For Me” - sweeeeet

I love Big Band music so much. Jason Howland for the win.

“That’ll Be You and Me” is sort of a bonding moment for Joey and Charlie and it reminded me a lot of the character dynamic between Zach and Henry in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, one of my favorite movies.

The wedding scene was hysterical. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it, but the blocking on it was perfect and the characters played tug-of-war across the stage trying to get Charlie to board his train on time and keep the rabbi from passing out as he flew through the “ceremony.” XD The Rabbi was a good character. Give Gary Neal Johnson a hand.

I did not cry. There were moments. But I didn’t. XD

Everybody kept swearing and then the boys would make “can we say that word” jokes, like in the middle of a song, when you knew what they were going to say because it rhymed, and I’m old fashioned but it was also great. XD

There’s an earlier scene where the baseball team is helping Joey memorize his answers for his Bar Mitzvah (”The Only Way to Score”) and it was both funny and precious as everyone except Joey learns all the Hebrew answers.

“Just Like Us” and its reprises kept the show solidly focused on Joey, and his buddy Craig.

I wanted to give both Joey and Charlie all the hugs.

I whooped for the orchestra at bows. I’m always like the only person who does that at a show, but I appreciate the orchestras so much, it’s just my thing now: I whoop loudly in support of the pit musicians, deal with it everybody.

My cousin enjoyed it :D :D :D

Standing ovation, btw, of course.

Okay, so, after the show:

We stuck around with a group of peeps to stagedoor. Folks, this is the first time I successfully stagedoored something lol.

Corey was the first person to come out, and... - poor guy. XD He was booking it, making a very determined beeline for the exit. If I was left to my own, I would have let him go, but the guy in front of me stopped him so I got up my courage. He was polite and kind to us, but you could tell he just wanted to go home. (and afterward he ended up apparently getting delayed like seven hours trying to get back home to the city, so I don’t blame him at all) So he signed a couple posters and playbills, and then as he was walking away I stepped forward and asked if I could get his autograph. He was like “yeah, ok” and then, rather than giving him the playbill, I pulled out my Bandstand album jacket. :D :D :D Guys, he lit up, it was the cutest and happiest thing. He went from “ok sure��� to “awwww yeaaaaah!” and signed it like six times because my marker wasn’t working properly lol, and then was like “um that’s gonna have to be good enough” even though I told him the first time was ok. XD

So then everyone else started to come out, and I got a lot of the cast to sign my playbill, including all the main kids, Emily, and most of the baseball players - who were the coolest about doing autographs so bless you dudes. Young Jim somehow has the neatest signature.

And then we went home! XD

As usual, I am certain I am forgetting all the things, but there we are. I only wish I could have gone twice. I would love to have gone earlier so I could tell everyone to go see it. But I’m reasonably sure it will get more productions, so be on the look out for it! :D

[stellarbisexual]

A Memory of Love (2/?)

Summary: Richie and Eddie, who haven’t seen each other since they were kids, get cast as the lead couple in an indie film.

Canon-divergent, Reddie are in their 30s.

Previously: Chapter 1

READ ON AO3

Chapter 2: TABLE READ

When Richie arrives at Greg’s house a few short weeks later, his co-star is already sitting by the pool, just a tuft of fluffy, chestnut hair peeking out over the back of a lounge chair, one bare foot skimming the surface of the water in a hypnotic left-to-right motion.  

“Ah, there’s the love of my life!”  Richie’s booming voice disrupts the quiet, prompting Eddie to peer around the side of the chair, his mouth agape, squinting in the bright sun.

Richie’s heart lurches violently in his chest, nearly taking his breath away, to the point where he makes a mental note to pick up some Prevacid on the way home—but as Eddie unravels himself to approach, one nervous hand righting his hair and the other clutching a curled up copy of an already heavily marked-up script, Richie exes out that note.

He and Eddie didn’t connect before today.  He’d thought about it, but something held him back, maybe a desire to have this moment.

Eddie’s eyes flicker amber in the sunlight as he takes Richie in with a sweet smile.  “Hi, Richie.”

“Long time no see, Eddie Spaghetti.”  The nickname is out of his mouth before he even knows what the hell it is (like most everything else Richie ever says—and he wishes he could blame the improv background), and Eddie giggles, a high, musical thing that inspires Richie to pull him in for a tight hug.  Eddie’s still pretty tiny, his hair tickling Richie’s clavicle.

“You two know each other?”  Greg looks both perplexed and pleased.

Richie tries conjuring an image, anything, from when they were kids, but there’s that black hole again.  He holds Eddie at arm’s length, watching an elaborate cycle of emotions flit across his expressive face, feeling helpless without a key to decipher them.  “We’re both products of Shittown, USA, AKA Derry, Maine.”

“Where dreams go to die,” Eddie says without missing a beat, squinting up at Richie.

*

Richie begins the table read a little nervous and a little on his guard; despite having taken proper acting classes and doing theatre in college, this is still totally new to him, and he fully expects Eddie to make him feel out of his league, not just because Richie’s a lowly fucking comedian but because he’s never had a serious relationship with a man in his life.  He doesn’t expect Eddie to be a dick about it, but he expects him to want to take control and subtly steer him right if he goes off course, maybe even get frustrated with him from time to time.

But there’s no sign of that, at least not today.  Eddie is open and kind, complimentary, even, reassuring Richie You’re so perfect for this role when he makes his first of many self-deprecating remarks before they actually start to read.  Plus, it’s clear three pages into the script that they’re both still just seeing how the words taste in their mouths, taking the pressure off considerably.  

It never occurs to Richie that Eddie might be nervous as hell, too, but he admits just that as they drive away from Greg’s house, the sky beginning to go orange and pink.  Richie’s offered to take him back to his hotel, as Eddie’s only in town for a few days and isn’t getting a rental.

Eddie pushes a big breath out of his mouth.  “I was so fucking nervous about today.”

“You were nervous?”  Richie’s eyebrows shoot up.  “I actually puked this morning.”

“No you didn’t!”  Eddie smacks his shoulder playfully.  

“Scout’s honor,” Richie says, flashing two fingers, his smile threatening to break his face.  “Strap yourself in; the daily embarrassments of Richie Tozier have only just begun.”

Eddie stares at his profile, face naked in a way that nearly tears Richie’s eyes away from the six lanes of freeway traffic.  “I’m really excited we’re working together.” His voice is soft.

For all that Greg has expressed the director’s concern about creating enough intimacy between her two lead actors, it sure feels fucking intimate in Richie’s car right about now.

Richie resists the urge to make a joke, taking a deep breath.  “Me too.” He licks his lips, swallows. “Hey: you wanna get a drink?  I’m not ready to go home yet. Still feel buzzy, like the night after a show.”

Eddie smiles, relaxing into the passenger seat, his body still slightly angled toward Richie’s.  “Sure.”

*

Once they’re settled in at the bar, Richie takes the opportunity to look at Eddie the way he couldn’t in the car, deciding he hadn’t given his face enough credit.  Eddie’s pretty fucking gorgeous, truth be told, all big, sparkling hazel eyes and dark, elegant eyebrows. He watches Eddie’s mouth purse as he examines the drink menu, wet and pouty, and wonders hopefully if they’ll end up hooking up during filming.  

Richie has to mentally smack himself for even thinking it.   You’re here to work, you fucking idiot, so get serious for once in your life.

“I hope this is okay,” he says, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings.  He chose one of his go-to dive bars in Culver City (seems like an oxymoron with how expensive the area’s gotten) since he wanted to be able to hide.  “I know you don’t spend that much time here, so I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go to one of those chichi twenty-dollar cocktail places on Sunset just for the experience.”

“No, thanks, this is way more my speed.”

Richie orders himself a pickleback, which inspires a full-body shiver of disgust from Eddie, and Eddie orders a gimlet.  

“So,” Richie says, after shooting the whiskey, then shoots the pickle juice.  “Teach me all about method acting.”

Eddie giggles that sweet, melodic giggle again, then surprises Richie with his retort: “I thought you were going to teach me how to get on TFS.  That’s the only reason I agreed to even do this movie.”

“I still couldn’t tell you how I got on that show, so you’re out of luck there, my friend.”  Richie starts playing with the empty shot glasses, flipping them over and sliding them around on the bartop like a street performer doing a trick.  “Seriously, though. I want to know more about how you work and what you need from me, how I can help you do whatever you need to do.”

“I mean, I want this to work for the both of us, first and foremost.  And I’m not Daniel Day-Lewis; I don’t need the full enchilada. I’m not going to make you or the entire crew call me Thomas between takes or anything,” Eddie says, referring to his character in the film.  “Did Greg tell you I was this big method actor? I’m really not that crazy with it; I just take bits and pieces, whatever works for me—and I like being experimental. But I’ve worked with a lot of actors who don’t subscribe to it at all, and it’s fine.”  Eddie’s nose crinkles as he smiles at Richie’s expression. “You look disappointed. Were you hoping to try it? Because if you’re open to some of it…”

“I’m definitely open,” Richie says decisively.  “I just want to do well.” Eddie seems to perk up considerably at that, which gives Richie an odd feeling of pride.  “Let’s not talk about work anymore. How long have you been in New York?”

Eddie’s response is quick and sounds rehearsed.  “Since I was eighteen. Left my mom’s house and never looked back.”

“Shit.  Your mom.  Big lady?” Richie opens his arms wide, eyes narrowed, trying to recall her face and failing.  Eddie nods quietly. “I met her at least once, right?”

“A few times.”

Richie watches him sip generously on his gimlet.  “How much do you remember from when we were kids?  I’m getting the impression it’s way more than I do.”

Eddie studiously stares at his half-empty drink.  “Not much more than you, probably. You did tease me relentlessly; I do remember that.”

“Ugh,” Richie grimaces.  “I was such a pain in the ass then.”

“No, you meant well, I think.”  Eddie shakes his head, lifting his eyes at him in a way that threatens to give him heartburn again.  “It was cute.”

Richie inhales sharply, clearing his throat.  “You haven’t been back to Derry at all?”

“...Well.  For my mom’s funeral, back in 2010.”

“I’m so sorry.  You should’ve—.”

Eddie shrugs.  “It never changes.  Derry. It’s kind of freaky that way.  New York is changing all the time. People coming and going.”  Eddie stirs the tiny straw around his drink, though it’s down to almost just ice.  “I saw you once—in New York. You came to do stand-up.”

Richie lights up.  “What? When?”

“Uhhh.”  Eddie’s eyes drift up to the ceiling, trying in vain to read the date there.  “2008? 2009? You were at Gotham.”

Richie shudders.  “That sounds right.  The dark ages.”

“You were great,” Eddie says encouragingly, and either he’s a really good actor or he really means it.

“...Why didn’t you say hello?”

Eddie cuts his eyes at him, teasing, “Would you have remembered me, asshole?”

Richie cackles.  “Bev and I reconnected, you know, a few years back.  We hang out all the time.”

“Beverly Marsh?  Wow.”

“Yeah.  She’s in fashion and she does production design sometimes—when they pay her enough.”

“That’s really cool.”  

Eddie looks terribly fond.  Richie understands; Bev’s got a way about her.

“She remembers even less about Derry than I do.  Or so she says. But she remembers you. Was very eager to pore over your IMDb page when I told her the news.”

“My whopping five or six credits.”

“Five or six dramatic credits, at least.  My page is just TFS, a stoner movie, and a bunch of Funny or Die videos.”

“Okay, we’ve already established that we’re both feeling really insecure about this.  So here’s to being on even footing, at least.” He raises his empty glass to Richie, and Richie lifts one of his empty shot glasses from the table, not bothering to flip it upright before clinking it against Eddie’s.  Eddie motions to the bartender, then quietly asks Richie, “Do you want another?”

Richie opts for something lighter, a beer, since he’s driving, though he anticipates they’ll be here long enough that they’ll both come right back around to sober by the time they finally leave.  The conversation just has that feeling about it. He and Eddie just have that feeling about them, between them. It’s thrilling and a little scary.

Once they’re all set for drinks again, Richie leans on one of his fists.  “I’m not sure I ever had you pegged to become an actor.”

“I didn’t either; it just sort of happened.  My therapist pushed me into drama therapy when I was in college, and it was more effective than any session we’d ever had.”  Eddie rolls his shoulders, clearly trying to relax them. “I had a lot of anger to work through. Still do,” he smiles ruefully.

“So you were being method before you even knew what it was.”

Eddie’s smile turns into a sweet, generous thing.  “Yeah, you can say that. It was the best place for me to start because it wasn’t about being good; it was just about being honest.”

Richie can’t remember a time, even as a kid, when he wasn’t dead set on being good, on being funny, on being liked.

“There wasn’t really a proper audience, so the audience didn’t matter—and it still doesn’t, for me.”

Richie makes a distressed sound.  “Can’t relate, my friend. If I’m not getting a laugh, I’d rather walk into oncoming traffic.”

Eddie looks at him.  “I’ve never been funny—not intentionally, anyway—so I can’t relate to that.”

“Do you wanna—?” Richie starts impulsively, stopping to take a drink when Eddie looks at him again, all endless eyes and open mouth.

“What?”

Richie takes another drink, fortifying himself.  “I have a crazy idea. For Blue Valentine, Michelle Wiliams and Ryan Gosling lived in a house with each other for a whole month leading up to shooting, so they could be in each other’s space and learn about each other and develop a real relationship—so it would hopefully translate in their performances as this couple who’s been together for years.”  

“So I’ve heard.”  Another smile threatens the corners of Eddie’s mouth.

“...Do you have anything going on before we start rehearsals?”

“No.”

“We don’t have to do a whole month—I’m probably a nightmare to live with—”

Eddie laughs, and Richie’s heart can’t help chasing the sound, wanting more.

“But maybe a couple of weeks?  There’s plenty of room at my house.”

“Okay, easy, TFS,” Eddie teases.

Richie’s even more thrilled at this bit of playful snark.  He actually doesn’t have a comeback, or maybe he’s just too hellbent on getting Eddie’s answer.

Finally, Eddie puts him out of his misery.  “I’m just kidding. That’s a great idea.”

And that’s how it starts.  

permatag list: @reddie-to-fight @hurleyhugo @raspberrywind @losver-kaspbrak @lilgeorgie @geckolover001 @its-stranger-than-you-think @gazebo-motherfucker @waypunsarelife @reddietofall @happytozier @librablossom @aesteddie @tapetayloe@spagheddi-kaspbrak @sadhelianthus @adhdtozier @justcallme-trashmouth @fuckboyrichie @thetheatregal @bandaids @20gayteeneds @richietoaster @burymestanding @reddiepop@notsugarandspice @peniswises

a memory of love list: @artofhely @trippy-alexissss @feelinsorad @where-ismy-miind @justanothetfangirl

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[dulwichdiverter]

An East Dulwich side story

1970s East Dulwich will come to life in a major new Broadway production next year. Local resident Terry Ronald tells us more

Words Seamus Hasson; Photo Alexander McBride Wilson

During a recent excursion to Lordship Lane, the legendary Broadway director Jerry Mitchell remarked with slight bewilderment “it’s really posh around here.” If he was surprised to find a choice of gastro pubs and an organic butchers it may be because the East Dulwich he had envisaged was circa 1970s as depicted in Terry Ronald’s novel Becoming Nancy.

Set in 1979 and based on Terry’s life the novel tells the story of David Starr, a pop obsessed teenager and his quest to play Nancy in the school production of Oliver. So impressed was Jerry when he read the book that he immediately got in touch with his lawyer to buy the rights and next year he is set to bring it to life as a Broadway musical.

Ahead of its debut in New York however Jerry decided to make a visit to the backdrop of the whole play. “Jerry and the writers all came to East Dulwich to spend a day here and to get a vibe for it which was really good fun,” Terry explains sipping on a glass of red wine. He’s having a relaxing evening at the East Dulwich home he shares with his partner Mark.

The following day he’s off to New York, where he will see a complete run through of the show for the first time. “It was really funny to hear this big Broadway director say ‘I want to see the minimart,’ (now A J Farmers) I want to see where the bus stop was, Terry laughs, ‘I want to see Brockwell Park’ so it was great having him here.

“I mean he’s been to London a million times but he probably hadn’t been to the suburbs a lot. I showed him around my old street and the other surrounding streets. Lordship Lane is featured a lot in the book so I talked to him about that.”

So is East Dulwich really so different today to the one Terry writes about in Finding Nancy? “You know, it’s funny because the first song in the show is called East Dulwich and it’s all about how boring it is and how if you’re passing you should just pass on through.

“I suppose for a kid who grew up dreaming about pop stars and Hollywood movies it was a bit drab. It was just an ordinary suburb, that’s what it was for me but knowing what East Dulwich is now and how magical it is, it’s hilarious really.”

Terry is born and bred East Dulwich and after a number of years living in various other parts of South London he returned in 2005 when he and Mark set-up a home together. He says that Jerry and the writing team really enjoyed their visit and that a lot of the East Dulwich he captured in Becoming Nancy can still be found today.

“I think it’s still got that quaintness which Jerry really liked,” he tells me. “The weird thing that I always say about East Dulwich is that’s its maintained its character. When I was a kid I used to go shopping with my grandad on a Saturday morning and we used to go to the butchers, the fishmongers, the little grocers and all the different little shops.

“The supermarkets were quite small, like the Co-op that has always been a supermarket, Wallaces’ it was called at one time, and there was always a market down North Cross Road so in that way none of it’s changed.

“That scene is gentrification now but when I was a kid that’s just what it was like. I think that’s why people like East Dulwich, it hasn’t really changed.”

The book is in many ways a classic coming of age tale, set against a backdrop of 1970’s prejudices at a time when the National Front were making their presence felt. “It’s basically about a boy that gets to play Nancy in the school production of Oliver,” Terry says.

“He falls in love with the boy whose playing Bill Sykes so there’s a whole coming out story and it’s about how his family react to that in that era. When I was a kid I used to go to Rock against Racism gigs in Brockwell Park.

“So there’s also that aspect to it because his best friend in school is a young black girl; it’s about the journey both of them go through and how they confront that 70s sort of prejudice that was around both their stories. I’m not saying it’s easy now (coming out) but back then there were no (gay) role models, there was no one in TV in soap operas.”

The book, published in 2012 was a success critically and received a Polari first book prize nomination. By Terry’s own admission it “wasn’t exactly 50 Shades of Grey sales wise” so it was a pleasant surprise when he got a phone call from his agent to say that Jerry Mitchell had expressed an interest.

“I was working on a one woman show with Denise Van Outen in the West End the day I found out and when I told her she got so hysterical and completely excited,” Terry tells me. Van Outen has previous with Jerry having worked with him on the West End show Kinky Boots.

To say he’s musical royalty is a massive understatement. A Tony Award winning director and producer Jerry has enjoyed success in Broadway and the West End with other hits such as Legally Blonde and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

The music and lyrics for the production have been written by acclaimed writers Stiles and Drew whose past work includes Half A Sixpence and Betty Blue Eyes.

“They were going to do it here first in the West End because obviously it’s very London centric,” Terry says, “but when they did the workshops in America they decided to do it first in Broadway. There’s a feeling that new musicals are working better there than they are here at the minute.

“Also they thought that American audiences would like it because it’s very British.” The cast boasts a number of Brits including Sally Ann Triplett and legendary West End star Jenna Russell who plays Aunt Val. The actor playing David who Terry describes as having the “most flawless British accent I have ever heard” is from Alabama.

One of the themes that runs through both the novel and the play is David’s dreams of pop stardom. For Terry growing up in the 1970s it was an important means of escapism. “I was obsessed with pop music as a kid, I was mad about Debbie Harry and Kate Bush and ABBA.

“I was a real pop person and in fact all those characters feature in the show. The posters in his bedroom come to life and it’s like a funny Debbie Harry who is his kind of spiritual guide in the book.” As our conversation has moved onto music I take the opportunity to ask him about his own pop career which I discovered while doing a Google search. Did he have any chart hits I might recognise?

“Not in this country,” he tells me with a rueful laugh. “My ‘big in Japan kind of thing’ was Spain and Italy and Sweden, I had hits there. I was sort of culty here but never had chart hits.” Naturally self- deprecating he’s being slightly disingenuous when he says he didn’t have chart success here. He has in fact written several chart hits for other artists and even toured with Robert Palmer in the early 90s.

I press him a bit further about his work with other artists. “My biggest hit I wrote was so uncool, “he laughs. “S Club Juniors, Automatic High.” Embarrassing hits aside Terry’s contribution to pop music history is considerable. He has also worked as a voice coach on xfactor and The Voice and since moving from pop to literature he hasn’t stopped writing.

He has collaborated on five bestselling celebrity autobiographies with the likes Pauline Quirke, Tulisa, Michelle Collins and his friend Dannii Minogue. He was also behind YouTube sensation Oli White's bestselling novel, Generation Next, and the #1 bestselling follow up, Generation Next: The Takeover.

A self-confessed musical fanatic has Terry been impressed by the team behind the production of Becoming Nancy. “I think I’ve been lucky because I got on well with the guys doing it, they’ve always let me be involved in the process.

“I’ve had my little ‘Oh, maybe this should be like this’ moments but I’ve really kept out of it because it’s not my show, it’s my book but it’s their show and they’re doing a really good job. I think they’ve done a really beautiful job with it.

“It is kind of weird to see not only something you’ve created coming to life in a Broadway production, looking out of 42nd street but also seeing actors and actresses essentially playing your family. People I know as musical theatre actors and actresses that I knew and admired, that’s weird and nice and exciting, definitely. “

[hurglewurm]

12.07.17 get ready I saw falsettos in theatres

it’s always fun being in a theatre mostly full of teenage girls, young gay men, and old couples, (and me and my mum), and just crying a whole bunch. collectively. as a group. anyway below are some chronologically segmented thoughts on this experience™ warning it’s long

“four jews” was so good, so bouncy, so happy. I love my kids. To Be Honest I was already crying a bit tho from the start just with the. uh. knowledge of what is to come

by “tight-knit family” christian borle was Already sweating and honestly, same

in “love is blind”: 

the “daddy’s kissing boys” kiss was SEEN and REMEMBERED because BOY HOWDY they MADE OUT

and before that happened andrew did an eyebrow waggle?? and a “come hither” crooked finger beckoning marvin near??? help??

“but so am IIIIIIIIIIII” I love brandon uranowitz, I love mendel

I watched andrew rannells as he did the “ah-ah” and he was a FLAWLESS boy, thank you camera crew for giving this to me

“the thrill of first love”

was so much more??? sexual??????? than I’ve ever seen it be??? andrew rannells put your tongue bACK in your mouth, oh my god

they. were. PALPABLE. that is all I can say

their little bickering and random spurts of dialogue were cute tho. like after The Kiss, whizzer said “that’s all you get” and I was like lmao my boy

legit I’m not joking about how steamy it was like they were mouth to mouth breathing the same air by the last “LOOOOOOOVE” and I was sweating

in “marvin at the psychiatrist” anthony rosenthal is the purest boy, best boy, absolutely flawless, KILLED IT YALL HE DID THAT. VERY PROUD

in “everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist” 

whizzer stared at marvin for sO LONG after the flick. 

also can I just mention? andrew rannells? as whizzer? loves jason so much, and you can really tell

in “this had better come to a stop” the fluidity with which andrew rannells delivers his L’s in “late for dinner late again” is just incredible honestly, never fails to impress

“I’m breaking down” 

was the first song where the cinema audience clapped really hard along with the filmed audience. 

yall sjb killed it, she killed me, it was amazing. 

she d e s e c r a t e d that banana

“please come to our house”:

“hello to my house, so good of you to travel on account of my unraveling now let’s eat some food” anthony rosenthal’s fake smile was so on point during the delivery of this entire line and I was like. my boy

“I’ll wait for yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuu” trina held that note for SO long as she left the room, smiling shyly at mendel, and it was cUTE

“a marriage proposal”:

I LOVE MY PARENTS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER GOD BLESS

“I’m… not a giant man” “good” AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

THEY CONTINUE KISSING EVEN AS MARVIN STARTS SINGING OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE AND THEN THEY HUG THIS IS V IMPORTANT INFORMATION

“a tight-knit family reprise”:

mendel is so??? happy???? marvin pls let him live

“king of the losers” “at eighty an hour” the camera man was just ON MENDEL like. yes my boy deliver it

“I just got a family” “the family was mine” still fuckin gets me. damn. mendel is so happy and just?? full of bliss at his new life??? and marvin is so… act one marvin… you get me

“march of the falsettos”: 

Excellent

bran uran’s voice sounded so strained my poor boy

whizzer: “stop pulling my shorts!” marvin: “they’re so hard to take off!” oh my god

whizzer screaming into the void for the blocks to be thrown up like: “hit me! another one!” 

the finger thing with marvin and whizzer? yeah that happened. they both gasped in fear

“the chess game”

bitch it was t e n s e

idk andrew rannells made the choice to call marvin “man” a whole bunch in this production and??? ok

after marvin storms off, whizzer is like “mARVIN” still in that growly voice from the last “life’s a sham” (nice) and he starts to say “it was just a g—” and then he sees marvin and goes. quiet

also from midway through this song until the end of act one, andrew rannells has this big Curl of Messy Hair in the middle of his forehead and I’m sorry but it was a blessed sight

“making a home”

hi the little zooms on whizzer? unpacking his suitcase in the corner? being sad? broke my heart, thanks

“could he love me?” the angle of the shot had happy mendel in front and whizzer kind of behind him off to the side and stop this, camera crew, stop

for “the games I play” I have no words. andrew did so good. so good. he was so sad. and he hIT those high notes yES boy. the audience clapped a bit after this one

“marvin hits trina”

he just barges into their house and starts yelling and tears up their wedding invitation like holy fuck marvin, what is ur damage

“I am so dumb.” and there is the longest silence as he walks all the way around before he starts his Lil Rampage

the actual Hit was p quiet but that’s what makes it all the more poignant, because you can hear trina’s little cry of shock and pain, and it takes her a second to bring a hand up to her cheek

after the Hit someone behind me in the audience just. let out an audible breath, like the wind got knocked out of them, and I was like. same bitch

“I never wanted to love you”

EVERYONE. ON STAGE. WAS CRYING. 

the mood of this musical changes so quickly when it gets to this song and it’s. Good. like it cleaves my heart in twain don’t think it doesn’t but it’s. good

trina needs a fucking hug (and mendel is going to give her 20)

“how do I start… not to love you” FUCK

whenever marvin looks at jason tbh my heart hurts bye. which bRINGS US TO

“father to son”

the pure adoration and faint amusement on marvin’s face as his son is all like “I think… girls are” like it’s so cUTE

near the end as marvin was singing about love the camera just showed us whizzer? sitting alone in the dark? leaning his head on a corner of the Cube™? how dare you

anyway christian borle was crying and so was I

act two time because there was no intermission which was…  not great to be honest oops

“falsettoland”

bran uran had little glow sticks in each hand and at “homosexuals” he just pointed at the audience and the music stalled as he just waved about at them like “YALL ARE ALL GAY JUST TAKE IT”

“and a teeny tiny band” a bunch of little paper cutouts of the band rose up from the Band Area Void and bran uran did a little dance to incite people to love and cherish the band (always love and cherish the band guys they’re so good they do such a good job)

“nancy reagan” andrew slapped the blow up doll so hard lmao

“spiky lesbians” EVERYONE CHEERED AND I WAS LIKE DAMN RIGHT

in “about time” marvin holds jason close and is like “as mature as my son who is tHIS TALL!! that’s all!!” and you really can see… just how much he’s changed, my boy,

“year of the child”:

anthony rosenthal is the cutest kid alive

his little dance between his parents as they’re all like “my chiiiiild” is. just. incredible

“I’ll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks” mendel says out of the corner of his mouth, as he tucks jason under his arm and leads him away, like a bad influence

“the baseball game”

when whizzer first appeared and marvin was all “what is he doing here??” he hid behind charlotte while simultaneously trying to get a good look at whizzer and it was. adorable

whenever marvin touched whizzer’s hair, whizzer couldn’t keep the smile off his face. I’m deceased

“how would I know… without him… my life would be flat as a lake” ok but who is responsible for this lmao

“would it be possible to see you or to…......... kiss you” BASHFUL MARVIN I REPEAT BASHFUL MARVIN

“a day in falsettoland”

“yEEEESSS IiiIiiIII dOOOooOoO” u already know it was perfect, I don’t need to tell you

charlotte pulled cordelia in with the apron and their part of the stage went dark but they kissed, they did, saw it with my own two gay little eyes

“what more can I say”

TOO… SOFT… HELP

andrew had his leggy out

before whizzer rolled over he?? gave marvin a lil kiss on the cheek? it was really audible????? I’m???

when marvin looked under the sheet, instead of his customary simple eyebrow waggle, this man Dared to laugh in delight along with the audience like “yes I love this boy he is mine and I am his and that’s incredible”

ALSO AT THE END when they both just cuddle into each other they… kissed each other’s faces a bunch… h e lp me

“something bad is happening”

charlotte is so upset and I am upset because hERE WE GO

“more racquetball”

the costume department is full of geniuses tbh like the loosening of whizzer’s costume? genuinely just looked like the poor man had lost a bunch of weight

he fell so hard and abruptly and something in me fell with him

“I’m sorry” HIS FACE CRUMPLED AND HE STARTED CRYING

“days like this”

someone forgot to turn on andrew’s mic at the beginning so his mouth said “good morning” but you couldn’t hear it

“kid you’re looking very good today” whizzer just gives a self-deprecating smile and he. he Knows. 

cordelia’s laugh is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life

“I’ll let you win, whizzer” “don’t let me win…” “I’ll let you win” I’m really upset, whizzer looked so… wrecked

at the end of “cancelling the bar mitzvah” mendel’s fucking “why don’t we tell him that we don’t have the answers” whole thing got me w r e c k e d. he says those lines like a man who knows how awful it is, but he knows how true it is, and he’s helpless to stop it

“unlikely lovers”

“marvin? did you hear what I said?” they were both crying, you could hear the tears in andrew’s voice, and christian borle kept… sobbing… between his lines… 

like when marvin stopped singing and cordelia/charlotte were at the door he just had to crumple for a moment and just lie there shaking?? a broken man?? just to recuperate for the next bit of the song? kill me

the way marvin looks people in the eye and just says “I love you” with the softest voice. god

so “something bad is happening reprise”: charlotte sang this directly to marvin, a steadying hand on his elbow, peering into his eyes past her own film of tears to make sure he understands what she’s saying. and he does. and he just turns away and walks off

“you gotta die sometime”

when he swung his legs out of bed his voice broke from the effort

he got really choked up after the second verse and he was openly crying by the end of it (still killed it tho, my boy)

this is my favourite song but I can’t watch anyone sing it ever

“jason’s bar mitzvah”

jason rushes in, bubbly and cheerful, and andrew is still fucking sobbing and it takes him a while to come down from it and everything hurts

“don’t know why, but he looks… like marvin” fucking crying already and then there’s a little pause, jason is really agitated, and marvin just whispered something like “hey you got this” and I WEPT

marvin kissed jason’s head. he loves this boy so much

whizzer also kissed jason’s head??? jason has so many dads who all love him so much

whizzer’s “thank you” was just a whisper but it rang through the theatre and then it was so quiet. I could not breathe in the space after whizzer’s final line. (I mean I was sobbing but I was real quiet about it)

“what would I do”

andrew was crying, christian was crying, I was crying, it was beautiful tho

whizzer just walks out in his pristine white shirt and it’s. it’s poignant. it’s such a stark contrast from the last time we saw him, it hits really hard

“I’d like to believe that I’d do it again and again and again” the crescendo that christian puts in these lines leading to that really Powerful last “again” shakes me to my fucking core (and yeah, makes me cry, you guessed it)

“we’re just gonna skip that stage” it sounded like it hurt to say that. it hurt to hear it too

just in general there’s this softness to christian borle’s voice when it’s live that’s not really there in the cast recording but it’s really, really beautiful

whizzer gives him one last, sad, little smile before the lights change

there were three men sitting beside me and my mother and they were all sobbing

“falsettoland reprise”

marvin buried his face in his hands for most of this, but there were moments where he didn’t, where he tried to be strong in the face of his loss. he couldn’t do it anymore once they put the gravestone down. 

to be honest i could barely see jason put the chess piece down because everything was too blurry from my tears

as my mother put it, “there was no catharsis at the end. it was really, really sad. but it was realistic about that, about death, and love, and everything.”

20000000/10 would watch again, please release a dvd

[sirwaddlesesquire]

Ch. 5 - Observations and Comparisons: A Nature Documentary (Love is Not Time’s Fool, Part I)

Looking in through the glass of the car window from the outside, Pacifica Northwest observed the nerd.

The wild nerd can be an elusive creature. The documentary style narration played in her head in a decidedly British accent. Its natural habitats are indoor locations, such as the library or the game store. Rarely does the nerd leave them. When it does, it will often bring various objects reminiscent of those places in order to feel more at home in the outside world. We see an example of this before us, as this particular nerd has his nose buried in a book and has papers strewn about him. While an odd thing for me or you, this is perfectly natural for the nerd as a defense mechanism. Fascinating!

A shake of the head stopped that train of thought. She had met David Attenborough once at a charity event in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. It had been an entire evening spent listening to him describe the various animals in the exhibits, the man waxing poetic about the incredible features of the Eastern Gray Squirrel. After hearing him in real life, it felt odd to hear him in her head. His voice was … much too erotic.

Pacifica knocked on the car window, and was rewarded by the choked off yell of Dipper Pines as he jumped and threw his books and papers everywhere, much to her amusement.

The young man glanced up at her laugh and gave a sheepish look. He quickly gathered up the materials; pages and tomes shuffled together and stuffed in a shoulder bag. After placing the bag carefully in the back seat, he exited the vehicle (an older model VW Beetle) and walked around it to Pacifica. They shared a hug of greeting before stepping back.

“Sorry about that!” She said, though she couldn’t keep the touch of humor from being audible. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I guess I didn’t realize you were concentrating that hard.”

“No, no. No need to apologize.” Dipper responded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I tend to get pretty distracted sometimes. Bad habit, you know?” He flashed her an embarrassed smile. It made him look young and she found it to be charming.

“I think it’s cute.” She informed him. And she meant it. In many ways, Dipper was an adorable dork. Rather, he was still an adorable dork. She could remember him from their rare and varied encounters in their youth. He had always been excited over a new mystery or puzzle, and would become completely absorbed, eager to get to the bottom of it. She could tell that his youthful exuberance had become a deep intelligence and demanding curiosity. The male Pines twin liked to understand how things worked. As someone who employed similar desires in work and in life, Pacifica respected that.

His smile, if anything, became more embarrassed, and he turned to the passenger side car door.  It took a couple of tries for him to realize it was still locked. He shot a look over his shoulder to see if she had noticed. She kept a cheerfully blank look on her face, pretending that she hadn’t. After using the key, he finally got the door open. He took a step back, and held it open, indicating that she was free to take a seat.

“Such a gentleman,” she teased. “You must do this for all the ladies.”

“Just Mabel.” He replied. “And now you.” Pacifica didn’t have a response for that, and when she met his gaze, his eyes were a touch serious. Fortunately, she was spared by the closing of the car door. As Dipper walked around to the driver’s side, she worried she had already set a bad tone for their date, and she felt guilty.

However, when the young man sat down behind the wheel, he was smiling and had a genial air about him. He started the car, immediately turning off the radio before any music could play. With a slight suspicion of exactly which artist he had been previously listening to, Pacifica took the opportunity to glance around the interior. It certainly showed its age in terms of equipment and style, but it was clean and comfortable.

Dipper must have noticed her inspection, because he shrugged. “Mabel wanted cute and cozy. I wanted good gas mileage and no car payment. This checked all the boxes.”

“Smart,” she replied. “I like it.”

“Thanks.” The male Pines then pitched his voice to convey irony. “Now, are you ready for an evening of whimsy and enchantment?”

She chuckled at his terminology and at the slight self-deprecation. “I most certainly am. What exactly do you have planned for us?”

“Oh, I pulled out all the stops. Just you wait!” He pulled away from the curb. “So, how was work?”

They discussed work during the drive. Pacifica talked about her day, trying to gloss over the boring details like meetings or some new ordinances passed by the Gravity Falls mayor. But every time she attempted to spare Dipper from something he would find to be dull, he would ask questions and prompt her to keep taking. Before she knew it, she was ranting about the ridiculous legislative decision making of Mayor Cutebiker and the inane restructuring she would now need to do for several of her businesses. Dipper nodded through all of it, adding a relevant comment here and there. As her rant came to an end, she stared at him questioningly.

“You can’t actually be interested in this stuff.” She stated. “It’s seriously just silly things I have to deal with. You shouldn’t have to listen to it.”

The male Pines kept his eyes on the road, though the corner of his mouth turned up. “I wouldn’t say non-interested. I just don’t know much about it.” He said. “But it’s clearly important to you, and so I like listening.” His tone was very matter-of-fact.

“Oh,” was all she could think to say in response to that.

Something must have been present in her voice, because he spared a glance at her. She waved him away, attempting to dismiss any concerns. She didn’t want to reveal the response his statement had touched off in her.

“Tell me about your day. What’s it like working in the library?” She asked, both wanting to change the subject and keep the conversation going.

“Impossibly banal.” Dipper answered sardonically. “Now, I’m not saying I got into library sciences for the sex appeal… but I thought surely there would be a little more to the day-to-day at least.”

“Pretty routine then?”

“Yeah, and the routine is also pretty simple.” He explained. “It seems like a lot of people take after a certain deputy-sheriff and don’t do much reading. Which, in what is certainly an ironic statement coming from a librarian, may actually be a good thing.”

His sheepish look returned, and he pulled a little at his collar. “It’s just that, uh, I’ve started writing a book. Hopefully a book series, really. And slow days at the library give me more time to work on it.” He jerked his thumb at the back seat. “I was doing a little work before…”

“Before I scared the heck out of you?” Pacifica offered.

“… before our date started.” He finished sternly. Though the twinkle in his eye removed any potential for venom from the words.

“Well, that sounds really neat.” She said. “What are they going to be about?”

“It’s mystery slash adventure.” Dipper answered, becoming animated. “The two kids are in the woods one day when they discover…”

His synopsis continued. Pacifica listened fondly, recalling her earlier thoughts about a certain dorky quality of her date. Eventually, they pulled into a parking lot. The car came to a stop and she took stock of the scene as Dipper got out. They were in a strip mall in a part of town she didn’t think she’d been to before. A hardware store and a vape shop occupied the spaces on either side of the restaurant they had parked in front of, a place bearing the name ‘Hellas Good Food’. She reached for the door latch, to find the door already open and Dipper holding a hand out. She took it and allowed him to help her exit the Bug.

“Greek?” She asked.

“You mentioned you liked it,” was his answer. “I did some investigating, and this spot, for all that it’s a hole-in-the-wall, is supposed to be the best. Apparently precisely because it is a hole-in-the-wall.”

Pacifica blinked. She had mentioned she liked Greek food. She had mentioned it several weeks ago. Had he really remembered?

Dipper gestured to the restaurant. “Shall we?”

Pacifica beamed. “We shall.”

Dinner was, in a word, excellent. The friendly owner of the place, a boisterous man named Zorba, attended to them personally. He told them the story of his emigration from Greece and regaled them with all he had seen. Dishes were recommended and subsequently consumed. And even if it wasn’t the best Greek food she had ever had (largely due to her vacation to the country a few years back), it was a close second. Mostly, she was impressed and appreciative of the effort Dipper had made. It was touching.

After he picked up the tab, they returned to the car, with Dipper once again exhibiting chivalry. He maneuvered out of the lot and drove in the direction of downtown.

“So, where are we off to next?” She asked. “I mean, assuming there is a next, of course.”

He chuckled. “That was stop one of three, actually. Now, I’m not going to claim that stop two will blow you away, but I do believe it will leave quite the impression.”

She attempted to pry more information from him throughout the drive, but he remained tightlipped. The trip was light-hearted and full of banter, and she was almost sorry as they parked once again.

That was until she noticed where they were: The Gravity Falls Theatre Time Theater. She had only to catch a glimpse of the name “BABBA” displayed on the marquee for her to understand exactly what was going on. As she accepted Dipper’s assistance out of the car, she raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. His grinned in response.

“I never said what kind of impression…”

Afterwards, they were in agreement in only one aspect: Gravity Falls’ adaption of the musical had been terrible.

“Unforgivable, really.” Dipper said. “It’s simply beyond the pale to take what is already awful source material and somehow make it worse.”

“Utterly abominable.” Pacifica said. “I cannot believe they could have what was already basically a modern masterpiece and completely fail to land any jokes or emotion with it.”

They debated on what had ultimately been the dooming feature and when they had known of the impending failure. She claimed it was right at the beginning, when the emcee had announced that the part of the lead would be played that evening by Toby Determined. He claimed it was when the audience had collectively realized the script had been altered to cause the story to take place in lumber country Oregon. Both admitted that the fact that the very first note of the evening had been off-pitch had also been a bad sign.

The playful back and forth continued along their next car ride, though this one was shorter, and up until they were seated in what Pacifica discovered was the town’s newest whiskey bar.

“Let me guess,” she said knowingly, looking at Dipper over the top of the drink menu. “You remembered that I said I was more of a whiskey girl.”

Her date said nothing, studying his own menu pointedly. But she could almost feel the pleased grin on his face. She dropped her gaze back down to the selection, trying to decide what appealed most. She also wondered what the extent of Dipper’s whiskey knowledge was, and what he would order. When the waiter appeared and asked what they would like, Dipper gave the ‘ladies first’ gesture.

“It’s an Irish whiskey kind of night, I think. I’ll take two fingers of the Jameson 12. Neat, of course.” She stated, folding her menu and fixing a look on Dipper, curious.

The young man took a couple more glances around the page, then spoke in a firm voice. “Your selection of the smoky blends is a little lacking, but I do agree with the lady that it is an Irish kind of night. I’ll have two fingers of the Connemara, the single malt. And go ahead and dash some water in. I’d like that peat to open up.” He calmly handed the menu over and met Pacifica’s gaze as the waiter retreated. They looked at each other across the table.

She had only to hold the eye contact for a couple of seconds more before Dipper flushed and glanced to the side. “I, um, may have been doing some research.” He admitted, his voice uncertain. “You know, to make sure I didn’t embarrass myself.”

As cute as it was to see him flustered, Pacifica felt bad for making him uncomfortable. She reached out and placed her hand on his, both now resting on the table top. She gave his a squeeze.

“It was very sweet of you. And rather impressive as well. You looked good, ordering like that. Thank you.” She smiled in gratitude, and she returned it. They stayed like that for a bit, waiting for their orders. When the drinks arrived and the waiter had left again, they each raised their glass, clinked them together, and took a sip. She hummed her approval and he nodded in agreement.

“So,” Pacifica said casually as they each lowered their glass. “Just how hard would you say you’ve been trying tonight?”

To his credit, Dipper didn’t flinch or ask her what she meant. He did give a small grimace before taking another drink. This one was a little bigger than the first. After setting it back down, he met her eyes.

“Honestly? Decently hard, I would say.” His answer was careful, but had the ring of candor to it. He looked contemplative, though his eye contact was steady. “I felt really bad about that other night. We both did, Mabel and me. We were both pretty worried after you ran out like that. It was… sudden.”

He absentmindedly rotated the napkin under his glass so that it was perpendicular to the table edge, doing so without looking away from her. “And then Mabel told me about your conversation. About how you felt with the whole ‘us’ thing. About the vibe we gave off. And…” He sighed. “And I’m sorry about that. So, yes, I guess I tried pretty hard on this date, to try and help move you away from some of those bad feelings.”

Pacifica smiled at this, hopeful that he couldn’t read the touch of pretense in it. Dipper was impossibly caring, and she could feel her reaction to that in her gut. However, he was also somewhat naïve and seemed to have more than a touch of self-doubt. She imagined that the combination must sometimes prevent him from taking proper credit when it was due.

“I really appreciate that.” She told him. “But I am afraid I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you when you say you are trying pretty hard on this date.” She rushed the last sentence to prevent his obviously forthcoming objection, and he settled back down.

She gestured around her. “We’re at a whiskey bar right now. Because I said I enjoyed whiskey. Before that, we went to a musical. A bad musical. And one that you don’t even like in the first place. But one that I like. And for dinner, you tracked down a Greek restaurant, due to a single line from me ages ago. Honestly, I forgot I even said that.” She shook her head, still somewhat unbelieving that all of this could have occurred. Let alone occurred to her. “I’m going to go out on a limb, and guess that you also do this for Mabel. I’m going to guess that you do this for her all the time.”

Dipper frowned, seemingly caught off-guard by the sudden twist in the conversation. “I mean, I guess so?” He didn’t sound certain.

Pacifica rolled her eyes affectionately. “Ok, how about this. Tell me what the two of you did on your first official date as a couple. Did you take her out?”

“Um, yeah, actually. I took her to a county fair.” The male twin scratched his head, and she could see the remembrance in his eyes. “She had seen something about it in the school paper, and mentioned having a craving for corn dogs. So when the weekend came, I took her there as a surprise. She was so excited!” He chuckled fondly.

“We must have crisscrossed those fair grounds half-a-dozen times. And we definitely went on every ride in the place. But only after we ate far too many corn dogs. She kept insisting on putting powdered sugar from the funnel cake stand on them.” He groaned suddenly. “That’s right! She made me go on the tilt-a-whirl. God I hate that ride. I, uh, I threw up most of those corn dogs afterwards.” He shot her a bashful smile before taking gulp of his whiskey. “It was not dignified. At all.”

She covered her mouth with a hand, attempting to hide just how amusing she found that. As well as just how incredibly sweet. When she had it back under control, she fixed him with a piercing look. “Exactly my point. You went out of your way to show Mabel a great time, precisely because you knew it was something she wanted to do. You even sacrificed dignity for it.” She raised her glass in a gesture of acknowledgment, and then polished off the remaining whiskey. “Don’t sell yourself short, Dipper. You aren’t trying very hard. You’re just being yourself.”

Dipper attempted to grab the attention of the waiter, looking past Pacifica and holding up a single finger to indicate the need for a second round. “Well, maybe. But it isn’t anything special, right? It’s just the normal way to treat someone you love.”

Pacifica quickly looked down at the table, schooling her face into a blank and neutral slate. She did not want to reveal the emotional flat line his words had caused within her. In her experience, Dipper’s attitude was indeed something special. She couldn’t recall that last time someone had done as much for her as he did for Mabel. Or as much as he had done for her today. And for him to just casually comment on it like that? She wasn’t angry. Just astonished. And maybe a little sad.

Her silence must have tipped him off though, because she could feel his eyes return to her. She glanced up briefly to see him staring at her, his features concerned and sincere. She swiftly returned to studying the table, uncertain beneath the intensity of such a gaze.

He seemed to understand, however. “Shit,” he breathed. “Mabel mentioned something about this. I’m so sorry Pacifica, I should have remembered.” She was vaguely aware of him adding a second finger in his signal to the waitress.

“Maximillian.” She stated flatly. Feeling his impending question, she continued. “I’ve really only had one serious relationship. Some flings here and there, that awkward whatever that is in high school. But in terms of mature, adult relationships? There’s only been one. Maximillian Hensley Schmidt.”

“Heck of name,” came a cautious comment from across the table.

She smirked wryly. “It gets worse. Technically I should be adding ‘the fourth’ to it.” She glanced up in time to see Dipper pull a face, and she chuckled. The laugh felt good. She barely acknowledged the placement of two new drinks in front of her, instead just picking one up and holding it against her forehead. The chill from the glass spread across her skin, and she figured she must be more flushed than she had realized. Dipper remained silent, for which she was grateful. It gave her a chance to collect her thoughts.

“We met at a fancy fundraiser downtown. He was a young lawyer, I was a young businesswoman. I didn’t think much of that first meeting, besides the fact that he was handsome and probably pretty well-off.” She sneered, displeased with her past self. “But apparently he thought something of me. He began courting me. And I mean the traditional courting, like from the movies and whatnot. He sent flowers, made formal visits, arranged for us to appear at events together. It was all pretty flattering. Especially when there was the sense of expectation, a sense that this was what you’ve been waiting for. A sense that this was what it was supposed to look like.”

Pacifica gave a bitter chuckle and tossed back the whiskey, downing the entire glass in one go. “It seemed like a pretty solid match. One of those power couples you are always hearing about, you know? Lawyer and businesswoman, two young professionals. It’s the dream, what more could you want? The town certainly seemed to agree, what with the attention we attracted. My parents definitely were on board, which maybe should have been a clue.” The second drink disappeared in another gulp and she returned the glass to her forehead.

“It took me awhile, but I finally realized that there wasn’t any emotion behind his gestures or his words or behind his anything, really. Everything looked good from the outside, and in hindsight, that was probably the point. But from within the relationship? The ‘tokens of affection’ were basically bribes, the ‘sweet nothings’ were empty of any heart, and the ‘sex’ was passable at best.” She caught Dipper’s little fidget at the mention of sex, and she gave a half-hearted grin at how adorable he was. The grin twisted into a frown at the irony of her next thought, which she articulated. “He was essentially completing a series of tasks that he was required to input in order to create a result. They were steps in a mating dance, and he was performing them like we were on some nature documentary.”

It took a moment to work up the courage, but she finally put the glass back down, placing both of her hands flat on the table, and looking Dipper in the eye. “Despite all of that, we still ‘courted’ for a long time before I ended it. Another year, at least. A year! Even after I realized what a mockery the whole thing was and what a fake he was. What a sham I was. It’s pretty disappointing, really.”

She rolled her neck, attempting to steady herself for her next words. “That ended about half a year ago? I’ve been pretty freaking single since, and had planned on staying that way for a while. At least, right up until you two came along.” She tried to give him as meaningful a smile as she could, hoping to convey some sense of what she felt. “It was difficult, to see the two of you in comparison to all of that stuff with him. But it’s better now. Time spent with Mabel the other day and time spent with you tonight has shown me how different it can be. How different it should be.”

Her voice became soft, and she blinked rapidly to ensure she wouldn’t embarrass herself with any watery eyes. “Regardless of what happens here or where this goes, I’ll forever be grateful for that. So thank you.” The next words came out a whisper and she squeezed her eyes shut. “Thank you.”

The sudden warmth on her hands as Dipper clasped them in his own startled her, and her eyes shot back open. His face was tender and he spoke softly but empathetically. “Hey. That guy was a total jerk. Fuck him.” She gave a surprised snort and he grinned somberly. “Seriously. You don’t need people like that in your life, and you should never have to question yourself or your own worth. And not because I say so or because Mabel says so, but because you do. Because it’s the truth. You’re something else, Pacifica. I see it, Mabel sees it, and I know so many other people do as well. One guy didn’t and that’s his loss. He chose to be an ass about it, and that eliminates him from any further consideration from you. Forget him. You don’t have to deal with him ever again. You understand?”

The emotion choked her, and she could only offer a nod in response, not trusting herself to speak.

“Good,” he said, giving her hands a squeeze. “Now what do you say I drive you home? That Jameson is pretty strong stuff. At least, that’s what I understand from my reading…”

Pacifica laughed. She couldn’t help it. Even at his most serious, he was still such a dork. He helped her down from the chair and put an arm around her to help escort her. She leaned over and kissed his cheek and as she did so, the savory sounds of Mr. Attenborough once again danced through her head.

The nerd stumbles through his own mating ritual, seemingly at a complete loss on what the steps are. He is perhaps unaware that he is even performing it in the first place. It is truly a sight to behold, unlike any other in the animal kingdom. And yet, when it comes to an end and when all is said and done, it has resulted in a complete and rousing success. Fascinating!

[zipgrowth]

How to Engage Your Students With the 12-Minute Rule and Quizzes They’re Meant to Fail

Quick: In which Asian country is it customary to touch the elbow of your right arm with the fingers of your left hand when you are passing an object to another person?

His unique resume—well-traveled background, engineer’s mind, one-time musical theatre performer’s flair—contribute to well-crafted and entertaining classes.

Stumped? So are most of the students taking the cultural competency quiz Professor John Branch gives out near the beginning of his MBA-level International Marketing class at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. The average student gets just two of the ten questions right. But failure is the whole point of the exercise. “I’ve set the quiz so that it’s incredibly challenging,” says Branch. “And that is one of the learning objectives: that we know very little about other places.” He adds that, “the students get a kind of cognitive, emotional kick in the arse; they realize they’re not as smart as they think they are, especially when it comes to cultural competence.”

Opening his students’ eyes to the cultural complexities of the world through a killer quiz—which he follows up with entertaining personal stories—is just one way Branch taps into his own far-flung and hard-earned cross-cultural competence to enrich his marketing classes. The native Canadian has five degrees from three countries—a bachelor’s in engineering, master’s in education and business, and doctorates in philosophy and education. He’s published more than a dozen books on higher education and taught at more than 40 business schools around the world, from Britain to Uzbekistan. His unique resume—well-traveled background, engineer’s mind, one-time musical theatre performer’s flair—contribute to well-crafted and entertaining classes. These, in turn, have earned him a raft of teaching honors, including the Sherwin-Williams Distinguished Teaching Award. He has also been named a Master Educator by Course Hero, an education technology company that produced a short film about him.

He engineers every aspect of his courses, down to which students he’ll shoot the breeze with before class.

University of Michigan marketing professor John Branch rebuilds the learning experience by taking a precision engineering approach to course design. Source: Course Hero.

Branch is known for his logical, easy-to-grasp course design, for his engaging assignments like The Armchair Anthropologist, and for the way his classes seem to fly by—which doesn’t happen by accident. He engineers every aspect of his courses, down to which students he’ll shoot the breeze with before class. EdSurge caught up with Branch to learn more about his innovative teaching techniques, the 12-minute rule, and why designing a course is a lot like restoring a 1963 Porsche 356.

EdSurge: What makes your classes popular?

John Branch: I’d say it’s my entertaining style. I’m up at the front of the class crying and acting and being goofy and using self-deprecating humor. I think the students are entertained. In high school, I played sports, but another important part of my life was band and musical theatre. I was always kind of a performing kid. I would say my classroom is like a stage, and I’m performing on the stage.

The other things students appreciate is how well-structured the courses are. There’s a very logical story that drives the overall course and each of the course sessions. That’s the engineering side of my brain. By marrying those two things together—the curriculum design, which is very engineering-like, and the classroom performance, which is very artistic—you get the John Branch combination.

Tell me about your Armchair Anthropologist assignment.

By marrying those two things together—the curriculum design, which is very engineering-like, and the classroom performance, which is very artistic—you get the John Branch combination.

One of the failure points of international marketing is human beings’ inability to understand, appreciate, and exploit cultural differences. To explore cultural differences, the perfect situation would be for students to act like anthropologists and live abroad for a period of time. Instead, I ask them to try to explore cultural differences while sitting in their armchairs at home. Students love doing this because they are able to reveal and unpack differences across cultures that they’ve never thought about before.

In one assignment from a few years ago, a student focused on Starbucks’ internationalization to Croatia, which failed to launch. Why did it fail? You could argue that it was strategic, but the student argued that it was entirely due to cultural differences. The student explored the culture of coffee, the culture of cafes, and the culture of leisure in Croatia and explained the failure of Starbucks through that lens of culture.

PEEK INSIDE COLLEGE CLASSROOMS: Discover interdisciplinary teaching insights from our growing community of college educators. At Course Hero, we’ve interviewed hundreds of instructors from around the country to share their best lessons. Browse lessons, explore new teaching approaches, and find classroom resources now.

You’ve been restoring classic cars since you were a teenager. How does that hobby inform your teaching?

I’m an engineer, which means I assemble things from first principles. In the case of cars, I don’t like to do Band-Aid fixes. With the 1963 Porsche 356 I’m working on now, I am taking every nut and bolt off that thing and I’m dipping the body into a tank of acid, so it goes right down to the metal. And it’s from that bare metal shell that I can begin to rebuild. Now do I rebuild it so it’s exactly the same as it came off the factory floor? On the contrary, I like to take new technologies and new ideas and apply them to my vehicles. For example, the car originally had drum brakes, but I’m installing disc brakes. Similarly, when I’m building a course, I take it right down to its shell. I start with the idea of what do I want the students to learn from this course, how many students do I have? What are the new technologies, ideas, or learning theories that I could apply to this course? And then I build it up. And I rebuild it in some form every time I teach it.

. . . when I’m building a course, I take it right down to its shell.

John Branch restoring a 1963 Porsche 356. Source: Course Hero.

Among the new ideas I’ve applied to my classes over the years is the flipped classroom, where the students learn theory at home and practice it with the professor in the classroom. I also incorporate parts of the EU’s European Credit Transfer and Accumulation System, or ECTS. Among other things, it provides an extremely straightforward system that allows a professor to design courses that stipulate exactly what the student needs to do and how long it ought to take. It’s based on learning hours rather than classroom hours. Students really appreciate being able to plan their time around that.

In what other ways does applying a precision mindset to designing a course improve the student experience?

What Is Course Hero?

Course Hero is an online learning platform where you can access course-specific study resources contributed by a community of students and educators.

As an engineer, you are aiming for perfection but are given constraints. The classroom has constraints in terms of physical layouts. Our classrooms are U-shaped, and there are alleyways at 10 o’clock and two o’clock. I can go up and down those alleys, but there’s a group of about 15 students who sit between 10 and two, and that means I can never get right up in the grill of of those students three rows back during class. So I have to think about what I might do to resonate and get a little bit more personal with those students. So before class begins, and before students have sat down in rows one or two, I might make my way into the middle of those rows out of the 12 o’clock position and go chitty chat and shake hands and talk about music or this and that. That’s a way for me to overcome the physical constraint of the classroom so that I can make a personal connection with all the students throughout the semester.

Professor John Branch and students. Source: Course Hero.

How do you keep your students engaged?

So, all told, a ninety-minute session is not really ninety minutes; it’s 15 six-minute activities.

There is a theory in pedagogy that suggests that human beings cannot focus their attention on a single activity for more than 12 minutes. So I have adopted the 12-minute rule, though I think I’ve actually pushed that down to the eight-minute rule or even six-minute rule. Let’s a say I have a 90-minute course session. There will never be any single activity in that ninety minutes that lasts more than six to eight minutes. So, my students are always kept on their toes because we might start out with a quick review of the last session, which will take about three minutes, then we’ll jump into a discussion of the reading, and then we’ll go to a mini case, then we’ll switch over to a mini lecture, then we’ll do another exercise. So, all told, a ninety-minute session is not really ninety minutes; it’s 15 six-minute activities. Students will say, “Crikey, that class flew by and we did so much!”

What is an aspect of your teaching that is more performance than engineering?

One of my performance shticks is constant repetition. There’s a funny thing I do when I teach introduction to marketing. The definition of marketing is very simple: it’s going to market. In order to get students to remember that—and they will remember it forever—I jokingly Pavlovian condition them. I ring a bell, and I say, ‘Repeat after me, ding ding ding! Going to market! Ding ding ding! Going to market!’ After about five times I just ring the bell, I don’t even say ‘Going to market,’ and they all repeat, ‘Going to market!’

Why do you not keep office hours?

For me, office hours listed on the plaque outside your door or listed on the first page of the syllabus sends the message, “Here are the hours when I want to see you, students.” I believe a better message is, “If I’m here, I’m yours.” My office hours are any time a student needs to see me, and I’m in town. Shoot me an email, and I’ll screen capture my calendar for you. If there’s an opening, I make it work for the student.

When Failure is the Right Answer

Professor John Branch gives this cultural competency quiz to his MBA-level International Marketing students at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. “Failure is the point of the exercise,” he says.

1. Which language is the only language in Central Europe not to have Slavic, Roman, or Germanic roots?2. In which country is the Universal House of Justice, the supreme governing institution of the Bahá’í Faith?3. In which country were the compass and spaghetti invented?4. What do the stars on the Australian flag represent?5. In which Asian country is it customary to touch the elbow of your right arm with the fingers of your left hand when you are passing an object to another person?6. Which former host of the Winter Olympics now ranks as one of the world’s leading recipients of remittances (the transfer of money by foreign workers to their home country)?7. In which North African country was the music style rai created?8. Which small Central Asian country celebrated recently the 1000th anniversary of its national folkloric tale Manas?9. Which native North/Central American tribe differentiates between older sister and younger female siblings with the words kiik and inci?Bonus: From which language does the French word bistro originate?

Quiz answer key:

1. Hungary2. Israel3. China4. Southern Cross constellation5. Mongolia (although South Korea and parts of India also have this social custom)6. Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina7. Algeria8. Kyrgyzstan9. MayaBonus: Russian How to Engage Your Students With the 12-Minute Rule and Quizzes They’re Meant to Fail published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness