#which looking now how could i be so blind to this little superstar

[mirahuyooo]

Hello, yes, I'm here to stake my claim on #14 please~~ with Jiminie, in a college au, sorta strangers to future lovers, loosely based on Enchanted by my queen T-Swift 🥰🥰

And here I made you a moodboard just cause 😘😘

CONGRATS BABE I LOVE YOU 🥹🥹🥹

014. Please don’t be in love with someone else + park jimin 

— Park Jimin can't possibly be real. 

word count: 1,230 contents: fLUFF sO FLUFFY, ROMANCE, wallflower YN with It boy jimin, paired in a project trope, everyone has a crush on jimin (and that’s a FACT 👏), kind of a song fic uwu (alexa play Enchanted by Taylor Swift), miss yn shooting her shot rawr, College AU, Strangers (kinda) to Lovers pairing: park jimin x reader

[masterlist] | check out more of [Four Years with Mira]!

A/N: JAYYYYY!!! ILY2 💖👄💖✨ Thank you so much for joining AND FOR THE MOOD BOARD TOO KAJSDKJASD I hope you like this one 😭💕💓💞 i nearly got carried away lmao enjoy!!

Let it be known that, while you were not one to simp, you understand the craze over the campus it boy, Park Jimin—the awestruck stares that follow him as he walks by, the giggling gossip that always manages to reach even you, or the line of people that try to get close to him. You suppose a big part of it is his pretty face with a soft, gentle image that he knows well how to contrast with an occasional sultry, jaw-dropping look. 

All you've ever done, however, is look respectfully and appreciatively from far away. You were far too swamped attempting to balance your college workload, your job, and your meager social life to ever dare give a go at the competitive waters that surround Park Jimin himself—let alone speak directly to him. 

That is, of course, until you got paired with him for a project, yourself. 

Before then, the two of you had belonged to different crowds, and yet, in spite of the daggered stares of his little fanclub following you around, you've been spending a few weeks completing a paper with the beloved Park Jimin. 

Current verdict? Park Jimin can't possibly be real. 

Even the fluorescent lights, which usually make things dull in the classroom, softly grazes his blond locks, forming some sort of halo around him that you couldn’t really complain about. In your blessed eyes, Jimin very much looked like a cherub and he’s very much an angel, too! Oh to have a classmate as reliable and kind as Jimin for every project! You’d willingly stay and repent in this hellhole. 

Okay, okay. Maybe your crush on him got a whole lot worse.

A blinding, sweet smile comes your way as the students file out of the lecture hall by the time the period ends. "You did great, (Y/N)!" Jimin beams as he jogs over from his row to yours, where you were occupied with gathering your things. "We handled that presentation well, didn't we?"

Ah, there it was—the bittersweet end to this whole fiasco. Just minutes ago, the two of you stood before the class and reported your findings for the paper, though you could tell most of the class only ever really paid attention to Jimin’s half instead of yours. 

Still, your heart races to have him approaching you, but you miraculously manage a smile back—or did it come out a grimace? "You did great, too," you tell him, truthful in every sense of the word as you nearly sing praises of his behavior while the two of you exit the classroom. "I've truly been blessed to have you as my partner for this."

At your words, the It boy’s eyes disappear into crescents from his smile, one soon obscured by his hand and oh God, is Park Jimin blushing right now?

Frankly, it surprises you that, in spite of Jimin’s near superstar popularity in the campus, he’s still susceptible to praises and compliments from certain people. Heck, he's a prince charming himself!  

By the time you two make it to the grounds, Jimin gives you a gentle nudge to the side. "Do you need a lift?" he asks, knowing well from the past weeks that both of your schedules end at this time. He’s given you plenty of rides before, but while yes, you’d love a ride home, for the sake of your sanity;

"You don't have to," you bashfully decline, adjusting the strap of your bag as you nod towards the bus stop. "I'll manage."

Ever the gentleman, Jimin doesn’t let you go home alone if he can help it.  "Nonsense," he insists, linking his arms as he invites you over to the parking lot where his car awaits. "C'mon."

You sigh, though not so begrudgingly, as you follow suit. 

Curse your weakness for pretty boys. 

As usual, there’s a comfortable silence that settles between you and Jimin, the air filled only with the songs that play through the radio. The next song that spins is a familiar one, and you stiffen upon hearing the lyrics. It embodies your situation a little bit too well for you to fully function in the midst of this car ride. God damn it, Taylor Swift! Not now!

Would he even want to go on a date with someone like me anyways?

"Here we are," Jimin softly smiles, definitely not making things easier for you. 

Right, time to get off. "Thanks again for driving me home," you gratefully tell him, shoving your mushy feelings back as you unbuckle your seatbelt. 

“Oh, wait!” 

Shocked and bewildered by his sudden exclamation, you watched as Jimin quickly got out of his own seat just to go around the car and open the door to yours. “My lady,” he playfully bows as he holds out a hand for you to take. Your eyes look owlish as you stare between him and his hand, and yet you found the gall in you to take it, butterflies coming to life in an instant upon feeling his skin on yours. Whattheheckisthis?!

Okay, okay. Maybe you have more than just a crush on this guy.

The last thing on your mind right now is going home, because maybe, just maybe, you might have a chance here. “Jimin?” you timidly call his name, wondering if he could feel your palms sweating. 

He squeezes your hand—squeezes it!—and tilts his head. "Yeah?"

Fuck it.

You take your hand out of his hold to gather some of your bearings. "I know we're not going to be hanging out more now that we're done with the paper but," you swallow thickly, hoping to catch your breath. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies with me this weekend?"

"Ooh, like a date?" Jimin teasingly wiggles his eyebrows at you, arms coming to rest at his hips. 

The visible blush that spreads like wildfire across your cheeks shocks Jimin into a stop, much so when you begin hesitating between a nod and shake of your head. He, too, becomes flustered—the two of you becoming tomatoes in the middle of the sidewalk. 

Jimin takes a deep breath to calm himself down, as he runs a hand through his blond locks. "Actually…"

Oh no. While part of you prepares for the rejection, the song from before also comes into fruition as you, too, find yourself becoming just as wishful, because in spite of Park Jimin having a lot of other options than a wallflower like you, the chances are never quite zero, right?

Please don't be in love with someone else.

Please don't be in love with someone else.

Please don't be in lo—

The shy glance he steals and the uncontrollable smile on his lips melt you first before his words could, shining so blindingly your mind goes blank. "I've been meaning to ask you that myself," Jimin says, to your utter shock, before putting on a playful pout on his plump lips. "And for the record, I didn't plan on stopping my interactions with you, you know."

"Really?" you dumbfoundedly ask the It boy, who only gives you a bashful nod. You suppose you'll have to get more answers on the weekend. "It's a date, then?"

There’s an angel that smiles back at you, eyes twinkling and almost as giggly as the girls that fawn over him. "It's a date." 

[sortvaniliekrans]

I just wanted to ramble a little and say I really love your writing! I ramble, this ask may seem a little long, but it's all adoration I promise! Please don't be unnerved by the length!

I just found your fic "Pisces Caelestis" today and I caught up to your latest chapter. Honestly I was minutes away from being late to leaving for work, because I was that absorbed in your story and at that point I was only on chapter 8. If it wasn't for my work ethic, honest to the stars above, I would have called out to keep reading uninterrupted 😅 Of course, I couldn't put it down even when I got to work. (Night time security guard here lol) Between taking care of people and reading, the last few chapters took me about two and a half hours to get through. But honestly, I think I've been grinning like a doofus just about 90% of the time. I think the only ten percent left was when you tossed my heart to the fishies when the reader or boys became upset. Veeery good at giving my heart the good ol' squeeze like my heart is being strangled out of me. Very tasteful ✨👌

I love how you've been able to include the other FNAF characters in your story. And like I commented on AO3 the few chapters back, I loved the touch again to hinting at Chica's Latino heritage with the mention of her hair. Again, so many people I think. Play her off as occasion that the idea of it being different is just a stunner, and honestly I think she would look very cute with bleached blonde hair. And again, no way and heck did I expect her to be the crazy dog lady. How you incorporated "Cupcake" with her is just ✨golden✨ I haven't read many DCA fics, but I think this is the first one I've seen with Chica and her cupcake and I loved that touch. Also, I'm with the townspeople in shipping her with Roxy, they sound like an adorable pair together.

You've given our Superstar favorite dad Freddy his little boy which made me smile. I love to be exasperation from the readers playful jab/ threat to helping the boy get a hamster for class. He's a real sweetheart and his words of wisdom are much more appreciated than what YN was given as a child. I get the whole "why worry about it?" motif, but to a child they need better ways to cope. To understand their feelings and when young (especially when young actually) I think it's important for someone to be heard. YN getting that now from Freddy is heartwarming. He really shows attentiveness and makes me wonder if he knew YN when they were younger. Maybe not knowing the full picture of what their life was like as a child. But when you see a child neglected or misbehaved, I know people could probably wish that they could give words of advice. But not wanting to step on a parent's toes just, can't. To think he's wanting to give YN what they couldn't have when younger is really heartwarming, you really show he gives the best advice and hugs. And sometimes a hug or just a willingness to listen as all a person needs. You did really great showing that ❤️

Hearing Roxy have scars and a partial disability was appreciated. You didn't play down her blindness or scars, in actuality you showed that people could be proud for what they've lived through. She doesn't let people minimize her experience and doesn't let her past make up her current personality. And no way are her feelings for Chica just a crush If she's willing to face her trauma of being around six dogs just to see (her crush/girlfriend/ future wife-y) Chica. But dang is that some intense exposure therapy, that's gotta be a bit emotionally taxing. I hope if/when she has the courage to tell Chica about it that it goes well. She doesn't wanna jar Chica or maybe make her feel guilty, and she's obviously doing great if they're spending time together. Unless, when reader had reached out to Chica to get Roxy's number, she was at Roxy's house instead of Chica's. Either way, I hope both girls figure it out.

And Monty? Being a rebel? Who is surprised, but it still makes me smile. I'm curious if he kept the sea glass YN found to trade. Like in a drawer or something. Even when someone seems like a rebel, I feel like for most people if a child gets attached to you and gives you items even if for trade, you still try and hold on to them because I think it would make someone smile when they look back on it. I wouldn't blame him if he got rid of the sea glass, but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere in his house or around his house he had it. And it makes me smile at the thought of it. I'm curious about when he'll pop up again in the story. Would he'll have a bigger frame like security breach Monty, or if he would be more on the linky side. I could see him riding dirt bikes, yet can still find a way to make it rebellious. Even if the town turns a blind eye, it still made me laugh.

I relate to your YN greatly~ When are chores ever fun? Their independence is evident and I think a lotta people can relate to ✨emotional constipation✨ As YN was getting gifts and feeling bad a little bad at the idea that the boys were feeling pressured to give. I was already thinking just give them something in return like an exchange. When they finally did it, it made me laugh and say "Finally! So glad they figured that out!" aloud, and it made me glad I live alone because that would have been embarrassing for someone else to overhear. Only to hear that frustrated Moon, I felt bad, But how are we to know if they didn't tell? I'm glad Sun continued because he was happy seeing YN smile. YN also did better with the shirt slashing in the latest chapter. I think I'd still be deep/close to a PTSD that if he slashed his claws at me I'd probably be fighting emotional/mental barriers that would have gone up in feeling further unwanted. They really do need time to recover. I'm glad they know instinctually their reactions are valid, but their fortitude to press on to keep from stunting themselves or losing precious new seafriends is admirable.

It was rude of Moon to try and (kinda) traumatize Sun for what they had done. I mean, valid, in a way they care for YN enough to where he feels the only logical reaction would be to give them space/ keep them safe from them. But I'm glad/hopeful YN's reaction to Moon literally in a way wagging his finger in their face, showed they can stand on their own/aren't made of glass. His lisp is adorable and I think it would be hard to not just want to hear him talk to hear it again. Being scolded by Sun for emotionally hurting YN was needed. But still a hilarious mental image of Sun wrangling Moon if it meant helping clear up the misunderstanding and help YN be happy again.

And Sun, stars above, Sun. Can he get any more precious (not meant to be a challenge! Cause the stars above know how many times you made my heart melt into a puddle from him)? He's playful, he teases, he understood exaggerating expressions and his delight knowing that playfulness got YN to laugh was just too precious to read. I think I had to reread those chapters about three or four times before I could will myself to move on and keep reading. Sweetest fish, I think I was rolling on my couch a few times when he was just being a sweetpea. He shared his blueberries with YN, he grasped what coins/money was in hopes it would help YN. Also wondering if he understands the value of gold? He didn't just give a single coin, and Having already discussed the value of gold corns with my mom a couple months back. He has an older currency, probably more pure and just being older is something. No kidding that he literally helped provide. His pet names are precious and he just seems so stupidly sweet that repeatedly I wanted to hug him. You made a precious boy and each time there has been fluff you've made my heart melt. I'm so glad YN and the boys are starting to interact, You probably have an idea about it, but I'm still going to say it is such a relief when they finally got to speak to each other/ start to interact. Rocky star with Moon, but I'm glad Sun took things in stride when YN opened up to explaining their insecurities involving Moon. To help mediate and translate, to grasp when YN needed help being grounded and helped give emotional support from the physical contact. So so so so stupidly precious that I was repeatedly at a loss for words.

I loves all of this. My dejected exclamation in finding out I got caught up felt/ was to be expected. Your writing was so great, I really really loved all of this. I'm so glad I found your work and I look forward to how it progresses. You just moved into your own home (CONGRATS! 🎊) So I hope you give yourself a break, take things and stride. Try not to face burnout, It's okay if you have days where you don't do anything. Sometimes just getting to tomorrow is enough. Thank you again for your time (sorry for rambling a bit) and I hope you have a good rest of your day. May creativity and inspiration stay by your side ❤️

AAAAAAAAAAAAA thank you this is so nice I wanna print it out and eat it 💜💜💜

[solarprominence]

excuse me for (ugh) posting about christianity but i just finished my yearly good friday listen through jesus christ superstar, which will always have a soft spot in my heart, and thinking abt judas (as i am wont to do. its a dream role). i cant help thinking about the song judas' death. he immediately turns on a dime after having sold jesus out and begs for jesus's wellbeing. and then we get his reprisal of mary magdalene's "i dont know how to love him". and then:

"My mind is in darkness; God, God I am sick, I've been used

And you knew all the time

God, God I'll never know why you chose me for your crime

Your foul, bloody crime"

now you might take this as the ranting of a man driven half-mad by guilt, but you could also read it as judas looking up and seeing his puppet strings. according to god's omniscience and omnipotence and power, he planned all along to have judas betray jesus, to lead to his martyrdom. judas, then, wasn't acting of his free will, but was influenced and purposefully blinded to the goodness of his closest friend and teacher, in order to make god's little chess game play out properly. this song is the moment where judas is no longer needed by god, and comes back into his own faculties. and then he screams "you have murdered me" repeatedly for the rest of the song before killing himself... which honestly could have also been the hand of god on him.

but isn't it interesting how jesus all along is struggling with the knowledge of being god's puppet as well, knowing he had been acting out his father's will up until the moment he was killed for seemingly no reason... but at least jesus knew his fate was being controlled. god was speaking to him directly and telling him exactly how he was going to die, and he just had to let it happen (in gethsemane, he sings "Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain / Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die / You're far too keen on 'where' and 'how' but not so hot on 'why'"). judas had no idea he was following god's plan until it was too late, and didn't have the same chances jesus did to struggle with it—maybe if he had known, he wouldn't have been able to do it at all.

but it starts to feel like they're both beloved puppets of their father, only jesus is the favourite child and judas gets tossed away after he's finished being of use. from judas' perspective, god is absolutely the villain of the story.

[xthe-writing-vampirex]

Freddy x Borrower! Child! Reader Part 4

Word Count: 2,144

Warnings: Fear, mentions bruises

Fandom: FNAF Security Breach

Pairings: Borrower Mother x Glamrock Freddy

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

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Sighing at the loss of another show, Freddy Fazbear steps through the automatic door to his greenroom, getting ready for the herds of children that always show up at his door after shows like this. Blissfully unaware of the small being standing frozen on his vanity at first, the bear goes to take a seat on his matching couch with another sigh. A part of him was grateful for the break but he also missed the adoring faces of the kids in the crowd. These shows made his day and having one canceled last minute was a bit of a downer for him.

It isn't until he gets up to go to his charging station that he notices something out of place, glowing blue eyes landing on the small frame of the female borrower. Her long red hair falls down her side in a braid, forest green eyes wide with terror. The bear stops in his tracks, unable to look away from the tiny being. They both stand there for a while, in awe of each other and unsure of what to do. After all they had spoken many times but never in person and certainly not in the others line of sight. Making the first move, the borrower takes off in the direction of her now open hole in the brownish orange wall of Freddy's room.

At first the bear doesn't know how to react. He doesn't want her to leave but he knows how terrifying this must be for her. As she makes a run for it the bear chooses to follow her, moving over to the open hole in the wall as fast as he can. By this time the borrower had made it into the wall, leaving the hole open behind her and running away in a blind panic. Sadly for her the staff had taken notice of things going missing, assuming they simply had mice. Obviously that can't happen at a place serving food so they decided to put down different types of mice traps. As the small being runs across a point just down from the hole in the wall she feels her feet stick to the surface below her almost as if she fell into quicksand. Letting out a scream of panic the woman falls forward, effectively sticking herself to the trap.

Hearing the scream as well as a light thud the bear immediately goes into protective dad mode, getting close to the point in the wall in which he heard her fall.

"Are you alright, superstar?" The bear asks, putting his audio processors to the wall so he can pick up even the smallest sounds within. That's when he hears whimpering, almost as if she's crying. "What happened? Are you hurt?" He asks, keeping his voice as gentle as he can manage, hoping that will encourage her to answer. Hearing nothing in return, the animatronic starts to panic. "What should I do? I-I cannot simply leave you like this. I will try to go get help."

"No!" She yells, panicking not only due to her predicament but also at the mention of getting someone else's help. After all, any human seeing her scared the absolute shit out of her. At least she knew he had helped her child once before. Of course that did nothing to help the overwhelming amount of terror she was feeling. After all she's practically a helpless little mouse caught in a trap at the mercy of any predators that came across her. Her instincts were going into hyperdrive and every inch of her practically immobile body was trembling with fear and adrenaline.

For Freddy's part, the poor bear was freaking the hell out. He couldn't simply leave the poor thing here. She would get caught and who knows what they'd do to her when they found her. He could get her out but that would just terrify her more. Scaring her seemed to be the lesser of two evils, so the bear decided to go with that. Carefully, he reaches his clawed hand into the small hole she seems to have created. It's barely big enough for him to fit into but to his relief it's possible. He moves his hand along a plank making a sort of floor like area in the wall, eventually feeling something sticky. It's easy enough for him to get his hand off of it but he can feel the small body of the borrower being practically coated in it and pinned to the hard surface. He filed that away for later, hoping the fall didn't injure her too badly.

With the gentlest touch he can manage, the animatronic carefully picks up the trap and the borrower with it, causing her to whimper in fear. Slowly and precisely the bear brings her and the trap out of the wall, finally able to look her over and figure out a way to get her free. Meanwhile the borrower is practically having a heart attack. She's never been held by anything this big. Yes humans were big but the animatronics still managed to tower over even them. Her heart practically stops at the realization that she's now practically at the mercy of this robot. She just hopes they aren't as unfeeling as the humans seem to think they are.

Freddy carefully begins working her off of the sticky trap, doing his best not to harm her in any way. Due to the size difference however, this isn't exactly the easiest of tasks. The borrower can feel the pressure on her limbs. She's grateful it's not enough to break anything but she knows this is him barely using anything to literally lift her off of something she doesn't even have the strength to move around on top of. The thought of something being that powerful makes her heart sink. Soon enough the bear had worked her arms to her midsection more or less free and was using his hand to keep her from sticking onto it again. He began on her lower half, having her completely free and in his hand before long.

Once she was free the borrower immediately recognized the dangerous situation she was in. No he hadn't harmed her but the pressure he had to put on her to get her free had begun to cause bruises. At the moment he was too focused on getting the sticky trap off of the underside of the hand she was sitting in to notice the bruises, or the terrified way she brought her legs up into the fetal position. After pulling the sticky trap off of himself and using the underside of it to grab it and throw it away, he goes to sit on the couch a few feet away from them. The poor borrower continues to tremble and he finally takes notice of her state. His heart breaks for her and he does the only thing he can think to do to calm her down, he brings her to his chest in a sort of hug.

At first the borrower let's out a small whimper of fear, then it dawns on her what exactly is happening. He's trying his best to hug her. Yeah it's awkward and frankly a bit terrifying but his first instinct was to help and comfort her and that in of itself was insane to her. Why help her? Why not just turn her over to the humans so they can get rid of her?

"W-Why……Why did you help me?" Comes a rather weak and trembling voice. Freddy moves his hand away from his chest so he can see the small being sitting in it. Why wouldn't he help? He didn't want anything bad to happen to her. After all he's built to help and deal with children and though she's not actually a child she does remind him of one due to her size.

"Why would I not help you? You do not deserve to be treated badly, super star. I am sorry for harming you. I did not mean to pull so hard but I could not get you free." He replies, glowing blue eyes scanning the small beings frame. He registered every bruise she had and was grateful to see he hadn't broken anything. He already felt bad for hurting her, he would feel worse if he had injured her. The borrower continued her trembling, unable to meet his eye or even look at him. She simply stared towards another part of the room behind him. Maybe then she could simply pretend it was all a dream, that she hadn't been caught and wasn't currently at the mercy of one of the giant animatronics at the pizzaplex.

"W-What now?" She stutters, expecting the worst. After all watching the love of your life be stepped on like a common insect does do things to you. She shudders at the thought, the movement catching the bear's eye. She had mentioned what happened to her husband during their time writing letters. He wanted to know why they were so afraid to show themselves and she explained why. It seemed it was a constant reminder to her of why she can't trust those larger than her and though he understood he also always wanted to help. He offered to get them different things but she always refused, saying that was something she simply couldn't allow. Her fear seemed to drive her every decision and he didn't quite know how to earn her trust.

"Well, I would like to thank you for all of the gifts you left for me. And apologize for the bruises…" The borrower can't believe her ears. He's apologizing to her for that? This was…..odd. Maybe her kid hadn't been wrong? She wanted to believe them but all of her trauma and instincts were at war against any acceptance of that fact. She didn't dare try to move, fearing that would end in her being pinned or something. Freddy watched her carefully, curiosity in those big blue eyes of his. He had so many questions he wanted to ask but he didn't want to overwhelm her. As he looks at her sitting in the middle of his palm he is reminded of just how small she is, and just how big and scary he must look to her. The bear doesn't know what to do. He's never really had anyone actually be afraid of him before. After all, children and parents adored him and even the borrower child wasn't too afraid. This woman however…..she was absolutely terrified.

The big bear had a few ideas of things to do to help calm children down…maybe a few of those things could work on her? Keeping his hand where she can see it he carefully brings a finger down against her back, gently rubbing it in an effort to calm her. At first she tenses up, seeing the huge hand coming towards her makes her think he's going to grab her or something. Thankfully that doesn't happen and she simply feels a gentle pressure on the small of her back…..but why do this? She had to admit, even if it was odd it is quite nice. Despite herself, she relaxes into the touch, her aching muscles enjoying the gentle massage of sorts.

"Is this okay little one?" She hears, snapping her out of her meditative state. She looks up at the bear watching her and glances at the hand currently around her rubbing her back. The size of it was terrifying. Her arm was around half the size of just one of his fingers. She couldn't help but stare, causing him to stop. A whimper escapes her as he puts his hand back down. A part of her wanted him to keep going.

"I-I should probably get going…..I can't leave my baby alone too long." She says rather silently, almost like she's afraid to say this out loud. A part of her is convinced he won't let her leave though she doesn't know why.

"But you are still covered in glue. Should I take you to a first aid station? I do not believe it will come off with water. We could try rubbing alcohol." The bear replies, trying to place the exact substance in his database. He had a general idea of what all was in it and that told him it wouldn't come off easy. She might also get stuck again trying to walk around like this. After a bit of thinking the borrower decides it may be best to allow him to help. From what she's seen they're programmed heavily with different chemicals and other substances that cause problems. She knew she couldn't get this off on her own and quite frankly didn't want to risk it hardening on her or sticking her to something.

"A-Alright."

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[miekasa]

hunter x hunter (eren jaeger)

↯ pairing:  eren jaeger x reader

↯ genre and warnings: modern au, established relationship/boyfriend au, gamer/streamer eren for the win, he’s a little bit of a himbo but he’s cute and he’s trying his best okay

↯ summary: you’ve been stuck on finding a name for your new rescue puppy for a few days now, when you decide to name him after your lovely boyfriend. it’s too bad he doesn’t get your reference. (yes, i know i called it hunter x hunter which is a completely different anime but that’s the joke, you’ll get it as you read, hopefully).

↯ notes: i know technically eren isn’t (confirmed? officially?) german, but just roll with it for me hehe; also, welcome to the first part of my living with pets series, featuring eren and his and your new favorite german shepherd husky mix. 

When you walk into Eren and Armin’s shared apartment, you can hear the former in his room, talking loudly to who you presume to be his current virtual audience.

You don’t see any signs of Armin’s shoes at the door, indicating that he’s likely not home at the moment, which you’re silently thankful for. Not because you don’t like the blonde, but because your new, tiny, puppy seems to like him, and his favorite trainers a little too much—poor Armin now only had the left foot of his Adidas Superstars to his name.

Carefully, and away from the other shoes near the entrance, you let the pup down onto the floor, his small feet padding in place on the hardwood, before going to snuff out Eren. You chuckle to yourself; you’ve only had the puppy for a little over two weeks, but both he and Eren have formed a mutual attachment towards each other. Well, you suppose you can’t blame the dog, he was technically in Eren’s care first, seeing as Eren gifted him to you for your birthday.

Eren had told you the dog was a rescue, born prematurely on a farm a few hours away, and had had his left back leg fractured when one of the walls of a pig pen had unfortunately collapsed on him. He’s has surgery since, and is in the final stages of his recovery, injury almost undetectable now; but when Eren saw the poor pup at a shelter a few weeks ago, he claimed he knew it would be love at first sight for you.  

“Ah, there’s my best boy!” you hear Eren’s elated voice from the room over.

Sometimes, you wonder if the dog really was a present for you, or secretly for him, too. Eren makes his appearance after, trekking out of his room clad in sweatpants and long sleeve tee with your puppy in his arms.

“Hey, sorry, did he interrupt your stream?” you question, meeting his strides halfway to press a kiss to his cheek, “I heard you talking when we came in.”

“Nah, I was recording a video, it’s nothing I can’t edit later,” Eren assures you, turning his head again to sneak a proper kiss on your lips, “Besides this little guy could never interrupt me. Did you need me to watch him?—Because, I can totally take him for the weekend.”

Seriously, you’re almost eighty percent certain the only reason he’s not Eren’s dog is because of the pet-technicalities of his lease. And, well, the pup’s clear fetish for Armin’s sneakers.

“No, I thought maybe you’d like to see your human girlfriend.”

“Aw, baby, it’s not like that,” Eren chuckles at your sarcasm as you roll your eyes, “You know I love you.”

“Clearly,” you drawl, watching as the puppy all but attempts to climb Eren’s shoulders, his front paws resting against his collar as Eren holds him like you would a newborn baby.

But your boyfriend pays you no mind, simply cooing and bouncing away. You’ll admit it’s kind of cute, the way Eren dotes on the dog—or any animal he comes across, really. Still, it was your puppy, now and you’ll be damned if you lose out on puppy cuddles to him.

“Actually, I came here to tell you I finally named him,” you say, reaching out to scratch against his soft fur.

You were at excited when Eren told that since he was so young, neither the farmers, nor the rescue vets had decided on a name, so you had full control; but you had to admit, there was a bit of pressure to find the perfect name. Until a few days ago, when it finally hit you. 

“His name is Hunter,” you tell him, smiling as the dog’s ears perk slightly as his name leaves your mouth. You were worried he wouldn’t take to it well, but he seemed to be a fast learner. “It said on his papers he was bred to be a hunter companion dog, so I thought it was fitting.”

“That’s cute,” Eren smiles, supporting Hunter from his belly to hold him up and above his face, “Hi Hunter. You’re still my best boy, but now you’ve got an official name.”

The pup barks, almost ceremoniously, as if he understood Eren’s words. With the way these two are stuck to each other, Hunter probably did. 

“Yeah, that, and because, he reminds me of you, so I figured he should have a name to match. Plus, he’s half german shepherd,” you elaborate, brushing his tiny paws between your fingers as Eren brings Hunter back to his chest for more pets, “I know technically that would make his name Hunter Hunter if he has your last name, but I still think it sounds cute.”

Eren pauses, eyebrows crinkling together as he processes your words. “Huh? My name isn’t Hunter, though?”

“Well, yeah, I know,” you wave him off, crouching slightly for the pup to lick at your cheek. Hunter shifts his posture so that now he’s basically sitting in Eren’s crossed arms, perfectly content with the affection he’s giving and receiving, “That’s why I said technically, babe.”

But Eren still stands confused. “What—Technically, what? I don’t get it.”

You pause, straightening your knees to look up at Eren. You’d thought he was just pulling at your leg with his earlier comment about his name, but one look into those green eyes and you knew he was dead serious. And thoroughly confused.

“I—I mean, because of your last name,” you say, “Not your first name.”

Eren’s knitted eyebrows grow closer together. “But… my last name is Jaeger.”

You blink again, looking into his eyes, then down to Hunter, then back up at him. Dear god.

“Eren, sweetie, look at me,” you reach a hand out, squishing his cheeks between your thumb and index finger, “What are you?”

“Huh? What do you—”

“Your ethnicity, babe. Where you are from—where were you born?”

“Oh, um,” Eren thinks before replying, “Germany.”

“Right,” you nod slowly, “And you understand that Hunter is half german shepherd, correct?”

“Yeah, but, then why didn’t you—”

“Hush, don’t worry, you’ll get there,” you silence him by squish his cheeks further, before continuing, “And you speak German, too, right babe?”

“Well, yeah. Remember, you think it’s sexy when I—”

“I think it’d be sexy if you understood what I was saying,” you interrupt him, squishing his cheeks again, “Now, what does your name translate to in English from German?”

Eren takes a minute to ponder that, exaggerating his already smushed lips with a pout. “Hm, um, well, Eren doesn’t mean anything, I think? Or anything easy translate—honestly, I don’t think it’s German, it might be Hungarian? Or Turkish, maybe? I should probably ask my mum—”

“Sweetheart, your last name.”

“Oh!” he exclaims, “Jaeger?”

“Yes, Jaeger.” Finally.

Eren pulls his lips into a line as best he can when you take your hand off of his face. “Oh, well that means hunter, I’m pretty sure. There’s another german word that sounds pretty similar, jä—Oh! Oh! Oh, wait babe I just got it! You named him Jaeger, but Hunter, so his name is technically Hunter Jaeger, which is also Jaeger Jaeger and Hunter Hunter!”

Eren could pass as the hyperactive puppy with his wide eyes and the way he’s almost bouncing off the walls at his revelation.

“Babe that’s genius!” he praises you, “And super cute—you’re so cute, you know that. Hunter’s the perfect name and—oh! and he’s half german shepherd, it’s like it was meant to be!”

You stare at him, deadpan, as he smothers Hunter with more hugs and kisses, exclaiming about the puppy’s “brilliant” new name, and how he’s now even more of the best boy Eren’s ever seen. Eren’s ecstatic at this point, holding the puppy with just one hand, as he all but sprints back to his room, “I gotta tell all my subscribers!”

You sigh, a begrudgingly fond look on your face as Eren disappears down the hall. Poor Hunter; you’re pretty certain a good number of Eren’s subscribers flock to his videos for his looks, anyway—not that he’s not a good gamer, or an entertaining streamer, but well, you’re not blind, or naive—throwing a dog into the mix is only guaranteed more views and likes.

You hear Eren starts to record his signature introduction, but he stops halfway because a bark from Hunter interrupts him. “Come on, little Jaeger, you have to work with me here,” Eren whines loudly, before starting over.

You shake your head with a smile. “You’re so lucky you’re cute, Eren.”

[jungshookz]

shy makeup artist y/n and her flirty client model!jk who she’s intimidated by but who is actually just as dorky and shy as she is but she’s so cute n awkward it makes him confident af she’s dabbing foundation down his neck and he unbuttons his shirt a lil more when her back is turned so she’s forced to go down his chest a lil and is tRYING to be profesh but wOWIE

➺ pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre; model!jungkook au, mostly fluff, aLways comedy, it gets a little spicy at the end but not mind-blowingly spicy more like a tingly spicy 

➺ wordcount: 3.6k 

➺ what to expect; “if you wanted to kiss me, all you had to do was ask.”

➺ note; after ten whole years i have finally returned with a jungkook drabble!!! i loved this request with my whole ass!!! okay i’ll shut up now - happy reading! 

(also i couldn’t find the original source of this gif but if u know who made it let me know and i can give them proper credit!!) 

                                       »»————-　♡　————-««

“why do we always have to have these shoots in the morning?” your mouth opens up in an obnoxious yawn as you arch your back slowly

you stretch until you feel a satisfying little pop in your spine before glancing over at taehyung, “in my humble opinion, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with an afternoon shoot. i’ll even take a nighttime shoot!”

“you know these shoots are arranged around the model’s schedule, right? not ours?” taehyung hums as he busies himself with his camera, “i told you before you started working with me that you’d have to get used to waking up early so i don’t know why you still complain about it after all this time…”

“it’s seven AM, tae-“ you groan quietly as you reach up to rub your eyes, “on a sunday! seven AM… on a sunday! i’m pretty sure it’s illegal to be up this early on a sunday-”

“mm, i hear ya… could you get me my air blower? i don’t know how my lens got so dusty…”

you look over at the cart stocked fuLL of tae’s tools before reaching over to rummage through the top for the little tiny turkey baster looking thingy

…

ah!

here it is

“also, i’m aware that i should probably know this crucial piece of information, but… who’s coming in this morning again?” you hand tae the air blower and shoot him a sheepish smile when he raises an eyebrow at you

sometimes he feels like he should’ve hired someone else and noT his little dummy of a friend

but you’re a decent assistant AND you do wonders with a makeup brush (two birds one stone!!) and you’ve never asked for a raise or a christmas bonus and the two of you have never gotten into an argument so there’s that too

“jungkook’s coming in this morning, remember? we were literally talking about this a week ago. he’s going to be modelling some button-ups… slacks…” taehyung shrugs, “i think some suits, too? i’m going to have to read jin’s email again.”

your eyes immediately widen

oh!

right!!

jungkook is coming in this morning!

…

jungkook is coming in this morning?!?!?!

“…why do you look like you’re about to piss your pants?” taehyung nudges your side before holding the air blower out for you to take

you take it back gingerly before letting out a nervous chuckle, “no reason. i, uh… it’s just that i… jungkook’s coming in and i’m… not wearing my contacts today.” you reach up to tap your finger against the lens of your glasses, “i don’t wear these out that often because they’re a little geeky looking-”

“yeah, and the gaudy cardigan you’ve chosen to wear today isn’t helping either.” tae mutters under his breath and you let out a scoff of offence

hey!!!

this is a gREAT cardigan

it’s baby purple and there are daisies embroidered all over it!!!

“also, how do you simultaneously look like a toddler and a senior citizen at the same time?” tae reaches over to pinch at one of the space buns at the bottom of your head and you immediately whack his hand away, “it’s very impressive.”

“what time is he coming in??” you ignore his jab and check the time on your phone, “maybe i can pop back home really quickly and-“

“good morning, early birds!” you jump three feet into the air when the studio door suddenly swinGs open and tae reaches out to keep you steady

he treasures you dearly but good goD

you’re always so jumpy!!!

“y/n, my love, looking as cute as ever!” jin grins widely as he approaches you and you can’t help but grin right back

the two of you lean in to give each other quick kisses on both cheeks

(you learned from the very beginning that jin was a very affectionate person)

“how have you been? it’s been a while…” you hum as you pull away

“it has been a while! maybe it’s been too long… who allowed you to buy this?” jin reaches over to pluck at one of the green buttons on your cardigan and the smile immediately drops from your face

why does everyone hATE your cardigan???

“you’re certainly very energetic this morning!” taehyung laughs lightly before leaning over to peek over jin’s shoulder, “where’s our superstar?”

“he’ll be here in a minute or two, he just had to use the restroom. what’s the plan for today, mr. photographer?”

“pardon me- i’m just going to head over to the vanity to clean up my station a little bit.” you excuse yourself from jin and tae before quickly jogging over to your work station

okay

deep breaths

everything’s going to be fine!

but… maybe you should’ve wore your contacts today and maybe you should’ve rethought this cardigan and maybe you should’ve done something else with your hair

but other than those three things, everything is perfectly fine!

you look down at your neatly arranged brushes with your hands on your hips before letting out a breath

the last time you saw jungkook was like a month ago which really isn’t thAt long ago but still

every time you see him, you turn into this fumbling, slightly sweaTY mess!!!

and you have no idea why!!!

well, that’s not true

you have somewhat of an idea as to why you’re so intimidated by him

it’s literally just because he’s cute

and on top of that he’s very naturally charming and flirty and you just don’t have enough skills to reciprocate the charm or the flirtatious comments so your immediate instinct is to just shut up and stay quiet and keep smiling!!!!!

one time, you asked taehyung for some flirting advice and his little nugget of knowledge was literally just ‘i don’t know. just tell him he looks hot.’ and you were like ??? whA-

“those are a lot of brushes!” you spin around immediately and the brushes rattle on the counter when you bump up against it, “good morning, y/n.”

oh greAT

you didn’t even have time to give yourself a pep talk!

jungkook smiles sweetly at you and you feel your heart hiccup in your chest

oh boy

“jung- hi! good- hi.” you clear your throat as you quickly step away from the counter so that he can sit down, “good morning to you. as well, also.”

…what?

what are you even saYING

this is already going downhill

“you ready to make me pretty?” he takes a seat before reaching up to push some of his hair back

“well, i don’t need to do much, you’re already so pretty-“ you snort before immediately clamming up

hey, check it out!

a piece of your soul just left your body and is now leaving the building

yep

there it goes

right out the door

“okay, now turn your body to the left- yeah, there we go!” taehyung groans encouragingly as he continues to snap away at the camera, “look off to the side a little for me…”

you know

you would’ve thought that by now you’d be used to the constant flashing lights but to be honest you’re starting to feel a little queasy and you’re afraid you’re actually going to go blind somehow

like second-hand smoking but instead of inhaling someone else’s fumes it’s your eyeballs absorbing someone else’s light

you blink hard before reaching up to wipe away at a little smudge on your glasses lens

“hey-” jin pops up next to you and you let out a gasp of surprise

why does he always do that?!??

“what’s the matter with you, huh?”

“what? nothing.” you scoff before pulling a face and crossing your arms, “nothing’s- you’re the matter with you- nothing’s the matter with me-“

“good morning to you. as well, also.” jin mocks quietly and you immediately feel the tips of your ears beginning to burn, “oh, jungkook, you don’t need any makeup, you’re already so sexy-“

“i said he was preTTY-“

“you get so nervous for no reason it’s actually hilarious-“ jin hides a smile behind his coffee cup when you let out a squawK

“i don’t- it’s not that bad!!!!”

“just a little more to the side… yep, there we go…”

jungkook turns to the side before tilting his head upwards, keeping his gaze towards tae

“-so annOYING-!”

his eyes flicker over taehyung’s shoulder to you and jin for a brief second

a light chuckle leaves his mouth when he notices jin take your arm before waving it back and forth frantically at him

he resists the urge to wave back at you and instinctively takes his bottom lip in between his teeth when he notices you quickly averting your gaze from him

“no, no lip-biting. too cheesy!” taehyung waves his hand and jungkook immediately snaps back into it

whoops

his eyes flicker back over to you

all you’re doing is polishing your glasses with the sleeve of your cardigan but heck!!!!!

you’re so unbelievably cuTE

and he’s obsessed with your look today

the low space buns

the bright, fuzzy cardigan

everything’s just so cute!!!

you’re always cute whenever he sees you but today you’re just extra extra cute

he’s liked you for a while (and he’s been wanting to do something about that for a while) but the only issue is the fact that you seem to be terrified of him

and he doesn’t know how to make you noT completely petrified of him!!

the two of you met over a year ago and every time he comes to do a shoot you act like it’s your first time meeting him!!

you’re always so nervous around him and he feels awful that he’s the one making you drop your brushes and burn yourself on curling irons

and it doesn’t help that he knows about your crush on him (one would have to be blind to noT notice your crush on him) because it’s not like he can just corner you and be like you like me and i like you too!!!!! can we kiss?????

that sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen now that he thinks about it

anyways he tries his best to be friendly and sweet and charming and funny in an effort to make you open up to him but the most he’s ever gotten out of you was a giggle and a soft ‘you’re being silly’ (he ripped a slit into one of your old beauty blenders and stuck it onto his nose) ((honk honk))

with that being said

he certainly takes pride in the fact that he has the ability to make your knees wobbly and your cheeks go bright pink

one time he was doing an underwear shoot and when taehyung told him to look over his shoulder and not into the camera, he made direct eye contact with you instead and the whole time you looked like you were about to burst into flames

and he always makes the effort to give you a compliment whenever he can because he likes watching the tips of your ears go pink when you thank him quietly

you’ve actually gotten better at taking compliments!

you used to immediately clam up and try to change the subject but now you actually thank him befoRe changing the subject

he likes that he’s played a part in boosting your confidence :-)

it’s what you deserve!!!!

and he can’t forget about that one time you accidentally pulled his hair a little toO hard when trying to get a knot out of his strands and he said to at least take me out to dinner before pulling my hair like that, baby and your eyes widened to the size of saucers and you looked like you were about to pass out

the good thing is that you’re not aS nervous as you were the first time the two of you worked together

you actually respond to his flirty remarks sometimes and instead of greeting him with a respectful little nod, you always say good morning/afternoon/evening to him even though they’re still a little clumsy at times (“good morning to you. as well, also.”) and sometimes you even tell him about what you’ve been up to since he last saw you!!

jungkook’s happy that you’re obviously more comfortable around him but.,.,

he doesn’t know if this is going to make him sound like a jerk or not.,.,

it’s just that.,.,

can you PLEASE hurry up and just tell him that you like him?????

at first he thought that maybe he should make the first move, but then he decided that he wanted you to comfortable and that he wanted you to decide when you wanted to do something about the cartoon hearts floating around your head whenever he smiles at you

but for the love of god

you’re killing him here!!!!!

you’re basically dangling yourself over him and he’s always just out of reach

“…starting to cake up around your nose…” you mumble absentmindedly as you pat jungkook’s nose gently with a powder puff

he can’t help but stare at you as you continue to tap at the sides of his nose

you’re standing in between his spread legs (another indicator of you becoming more comfortable with him) and he resists the urge to reach up and pull you down onto his lap

you straddling him would probably be more comfortable for you!!

you wouldn’t have to bend down like this and have your poor back ache for the rest of the day

…what???

your posture is his number one priority!

there are no ulterior motives whatsoever

the two of you lock gazes for a millisecond and a smirk twitches at the corner of his lips when he notices the panic in your eyes before you’re standing up straight and turning to look down at the things on the counter

“so, um, i’m just going to apply a little foundation on your neck now.” you clear your throat as you pump some foundation out on the back of your hand

“sounds good.”

“tilt your head back for me, please?”

“mm.” jungkook places his hands on his lap as he looks up at the ceiling

he feels your fingers brush against his neck as you attempt to move the collar to the side a little bit and a little tingle rushes down his spine

“can i…” jungkook looks back at you and notices the apples of your cheeks growing pink, “can i undo one button on your shirt? both jin and taehyung would kill me if i accidentally stained the collar with foundation.”

“go ahead.” jungkook clears his throat, “…i could just take my shirt off, you know.”

“you-“ your voice cracks and jungkook bites back a cheeky grin, “you, um, you know, that is a very… creative solution! i think i’m just going to- just one button for now.” you let out a nervous chuckle as you bend down again and reach for his shirt

your fingers tremble slightly as you struggle to undo it and you feel your face growing hotter by the second (seriously??? it’s ONE button y/l/n pull it together)

“need some help?”

“yes, please…” jungkook reaches up and places his hand over yours and you feel his eyes on you as he undoes the button

yep

there goes another piece of your soul packing up and promptly exiting the building

toodle-loo!

“so, are your glasses new? i’ve never seen you wear them before…” jungkook trails off as you begin to smeaR some foundation on his neck with a brush

you smile lightly before shaking your head, “i, um, i was too lazy to put in my contacts this morning, so i had to come today wearing these bad boys.”

you reach up to push your frames up but they slide back down

“you should wear ‘em more often.” jungkook looks at you for a brief second before tilting his head back up towards the ceiling, “i like them.”

he does?????

hehe

your heart skips a beat for the trillionth time today and you let out a hum before chewing on the inside of your cheek anxiously

jungkook is fully aware of the effect that he has on you and you haven’t decided yet if you like it or hATE it  

you stand up straight and lean back a little to see how the foundation looks

hm

taehyung wanted dewy and this is looking a little matte

a droplet of liquid highlighter mixed into the foundation can fix this problem!

as soon as you spin around to look for the little bottle of liquid highlighter (it’s from coverfx and it’s one of your favourite makeup products ever!!!!) jungkook quickly reaches up to undo three more buttons to open his shirt up a bit more before quickly putting his hands back down on his lap

heh

>:-)

he clears his throat and puffs his chest out a little when you turn back around to face him

you pause and your sneakers squeak against the floor when you realise that you’re looking at a lot more than just his neck

what on god’s good green earth is th-

he really wants to kill you, doesn’t he??

you swallow thickly as your eyes trail down slowly from his neck to his chest, taking in every little divot and-

“something the matter?” jungkook asks innocently and you quickly shake your head before letting out a chuckle

“nope! i was just… nothing.”

wow

i was just… nothing

very smooth!

nice save!

you’re a professional

so be professional!!

you feel your heart working twice as hard to pump blood around your body as you continue tapping lightly at jungkook’s broad chest

wowiE

he definitely works out every day

“you can tilt your head back down if you’d like.” you say softly as you press the sponge into his beautifully sun kissed skin

you feel your heart practically fall out of your aSS when jungkook tilts his head back down only for him to be at eye-level with you

“oh-!” his nose bumps against yours and your hand jerks in surprise

the beauty blender bounces to the floor but that’s the least of your concerns at the moment because heLLO

you feel like you’re completely frozen in this position but you manage to pull your head back just a teensy bit, “i-“

“you know, y/n…” jungkook grins cheekily and you feel a little lightheaded when he leans forward to nudge his nose against yours on purpose, “if you wanted to kiss me, all you had to do was ask.”

!!!!!!!!!

…

okay, yeah, you want to kiss him

oh goD you want to kiss him so badly

and it seems like he wants the exact same thing because his eyes just flickered down to your parted lips

should you do it???

should you just go for it???

frick

you’re VERy bad at being impulsive

would it be weird if you asked him if you could put on some chapstick fi-

“you wanna kiss me, baby?” jungkook teases and you feel a little flutter in your tummy, “because i definitely want to kiss you.”

you feel like you’re under some kind of a trance as you nod eagerly

yes!!!

yes yes!!!!!!!

(and jungkook would be lying to himself if he said that seeing how eager you are to kiss him didn’t make his own tummy flutter)

you find yourself leaning forward and placing a hand on his knee to stay balanced

what’s happening to you?!?

whO ARE YOU

jungkook reaches up to where your hand is placed on his chest and wraps his fingers around your wrist as his other hand begins reaching for your waist

your eyelids flutter shut as y-

“you don’t get paid to make out with our clients-!” you immediately spriNG backwards when taehyung suddenly barks at you and you let out a little yelp when you end up stumbling right into jin’s chest

jin wraps an arm around your waist from behind before pulling you a couple steps farther away from jungkook

“and you don’t get paid to make out with the stylists-!” he scolds jungkook before pointing to you and wagging his finger, “off-limits!”

you wouldn’t mind if a black hole suddenly emerged to swallow you up whole because this is definitely one of the top five most EMBARRASSING things to have ever happened to yoU

“we weren’t making out!!” you snort before letting out a sound of disbelief, “we weren’t making out.”

“that’s not what it looked like to us…” jin lets go of you and you stumble back towards jungkook

“yeah, y/n’s right!” jungkook chimes in, “…we were just going to kiss a little-“

you slap a hand over his mouth and smile sheepishly when jin and taehyung share knowing glances

“can you two lovebirds at least control yourselves until after the shoot is over?” taehyung smiles sweetly and bats his lashes at you and you can already tell he’s going to tease you forever about this

it’s finE

just act normal!

act like you weren’t just caught about to kiss jungkook

“no problem at all!” you swoop down to pick up the abandoned beauty blender on the floor, “he’s all yours-“

“yeah, we’re going to need a minute or five because we’ve got a decently-sized problem down here.” jin whistles lowly and jungkook raises a brow in confusion

what problem?

he’s ready to dive back into the shoot-

jungkook glances down and his eyes widen in panic

he scraMBLES to grab the suit jacket off the back of his chair before tossing it over his lap

oopsies

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[freddiekluger]

please drop the essay length analysis Judas and Jesus (extra gay Swedish edition), O great and knowledgeable monarch of our times

alright, you ask i deliver! please excuse any typos, my eyes aren't exactly working rn

welcome to my probably super subjective but correct analysis, aka

Judas Was Right and Jesus Was A Victim (At Least, In Swedish)

Before we get started, a couple points: i’ll try to avoid comparisons to other specific productions, i’ve only seen the other recorded 2012 british version which i didn’t like for reasons including but not limited to the amount of white people with dreadlocks. Also, my understanding of swedish is limited to a couple words and phrases, so most of the lyrics i reference will be english subtitles from Ola Salo’s swedish translation and therefore might not be the most accurate !

There’s so much i could cover in this, but for now i’m going to focus on how jesus and judas are portrayed in the 2014 swedish arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) starring Ola Salo as Jesus and Peter Johansson as Judas, along with how this production more implicitly views god. 

From the opening number, translated into swedish as En Dimmig Himmelsdröm (A Foggy Heaven’s Dream), Peter Johansson’s acting and semantic differences in the lyrics present us with a deeply sympathetic portrayal of Judas. Looking purely at language, the english equivalent Heaven On Their Minds instantly paints Judas as much more of a faithless doubter- lyrics exclusive to the english version like “all your followers have gone blind / too much heaven on their minds” and “they think you’re the new messiah / and they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong” strongly enforce Judas’ main motivation for his actions being that he has less belief in Jesus and God’s plan than any of the other disciples with strong statements judging the other disciples for following him and claiming that Jesus ISN’T the messiah. The swedish translation doesn’t paint exactly the same picture- the focus of Judas’ number becomes his fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, not because he isn’t the messiah (the production remains fairly ambiguous on this point), but because Jesus can’t cope. The root of Judas’ concern comes from fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, and the disciples are referenced as regularly misunderstanding and wilfully twisting Jesus’ words. The swedish equivalent lyrics for the above examples are “they say, “jesus is god’s son” / but you know how people can change” (judas isn’t concerned with truth, just the danger that jesus will be in if the tide turns), and “the kingdom of heaven is within us, that’s what you said / bu they sew it, stitch by stich into some kind of foggy heaven’s dream”. Judas is showing that he HAS been listening and cares for Jesus’ teachings, but ‘they’ [his disciples] are turning them into something else entirely, and Judas’ worries that the support of the masses is fragile at best- the lines “and everything you say gets twisted by your lackeys / it will be anything but what you’ve said”  and “you are being used by people who want you in their battle” reinforces this again. When combined with Peter Johansson’s tough but tender performance, in which he dances between disdain for Jesus, the institution, and affection for Jesus, the man (an important distinction), Judas is the harsh realist doing his best to look out for the man he loves. The way he takes Jesus hands and looks at him with love and urgency straight away establishes that his motivations are pure- Judas is doing what he thinks is best, even though it feels like no one will listen to him. 

That was long, but En Dimmig Himmelsdröm is the perfect character introduction for Judas. He’s not totally unrecognisable, still delivering digs about ‘Jesus, the little carpenter’s son’, his manner is still rough and at this point we’re not sure whether or not the claims he makes about the disciples have any truth to them, BUT we can also see how much Jesus means to him, an important point that give context to the intensity of their future arguments and really makes the whole story much more heartbreaking.

This brings me to Ola Salo’s Jesus. Delightfully camp and queercoded, Judas describes him as being caught up in his own magic and mystery and buckling under the pressure, and he’s not entirely wrong. Throughout the first act, Jesus basks in the luxuries that being messiah can give him (the oils Mary paid for using disciple funds that were supposed to go towards helping the poor, him absolutely thriving in the shopping cart in What’s the Buzz?), and is shown actively avoiding any reminders of the seriousness of his position. He’s sick of the disciples asking him for a plan, he chooses the comforting Mary, who’s theme consists of telling Jesus everything is okay and he doesn’t need to think about anything, over Judas, who is less perhaps ‘cosy’ but is actively trying to warn and protect Jesus from an awful fate. During The Temple, he starts to crack as he’s overcome by the followers begging him to make him well, fear in his eyes as he raises his arms while frozen on the spot trying to avoid being devoured by the frenzy in desperate need of a messiah. Judas’ point about Jesus buckling under the pressure is starting to look more and more reasonable, and the dashes of showbiz campness add to the sense that much of Jesus is a persona constructed for the masses to give himself enough distance to prevent him from being crushed by the weight of God entirely. Jesus, the institution, prances around, lays his hands on his followers, and projects an air of easygoing calm. Jesus, the man, is scared and alone, and Jesus, the man, really comes out in Last Supper, but before we get there, I want to circle back to the Jesus/Mary/Judas thing.

Jesus, Mary, and Judas are presented as a love triangle: so much so, that Judas seeing Mary sing of her love for Jesus (I Don’t Know How To Love Him) is actually played as the inciting incident that sends him to the pharisees. Judas, the picture of the jealous lover, storms onto the scene, breaking them up and attempting to kiss Jesus, who instead shoves him to the ground in disdain. Judas, who is perhaps a little controlling, realises that any influence he had over Jesus has gone, and it’s likely a combination of jealousy and the knowledge that Jesus won’t stop that prompts him to head to the pharisees. In his meeting with the pharisees (known in english as Damned For All Time, although that phrase doesn’t appear once in the swedish), Judas’ expresses outright that “I’m the one who sees / Jesus, he can’t handle it anymore” “the truth is that this hysteria is making him lose control”, once he can get past explaining how much this plan of action feels like a last resort. He never even verbally or physically accept the pharisees’ offer of money, he denies it twice before it is eventually thrown over him after he reluctantly gives them the date and time to find Jesus- we never even see him pick it up, unlike other productions which show Judas grabbing for the cash and place a higher emphasis on Judas making sure he ‘won’t be damned for all time’, painting Judas as far more self serving. When it comes to Jesus, Judas is active- he’s running around trying to help, caressing him, embracing him, grabbing his hand, kissing him. They share countless moment of intimacy, especially at the start, establishing the fondness between them instead of instantly jumping to their conflict. When it comes to Mary (and admittedly, this is partially because she’s a secondary character- don’t get me wrong I still love her and Gunilla Backman does a brilliant job), she’s much more passive. Other than the much more gentle kisses in I Don’t Know How To Love Him and her penchant for dabbing Jesus’ forehead, she’s mostly just ‘there’. She cares for Jesus after the fact, and even when performing acts of intimacy like the oil and the kiss, she maintains a lot of physical distance- her songs touch on this as, much like Jesus (admittedly for different reasons), she actively distances herself from feelings to protect herself, so naturally she literally places distance between herself and the object of her love.

This brings me back to Last Supper, Gethsemane ( I Only Want to Say), and the kiss of death that broke all of our hearts. Throughout this segment, this is when Jesus, the man, really comes through, and it’s devastating. In Last Supper, he properly expresses the sheer amount of loneliness he feels, reiterating how he feels everyone will forget about him once he’s gone, and doesn’t really care about him as a man (”for you, my blood is not worth more than wine / for you, my body is not worth more than bread” “you will have forgotten me as soon as i give up my life”). This devolves into the disciples fighting each other and, you guessed it, ignoring him. For the first time, Jesus meaningfully lets out his anger, and as it turns to Judas, Judas does the same. Because of the set up of their complicated romantic relationship and the stakes involved, the amount of personal attacks and anger that comes out of Jesus and Judas’ repeated fights (which get physical) make complete sense- Jesus’ frustrations come from the fact that his entire fate has been predetermined and to him, Judas is just another instrument in the ways he’s been controlled (both with Judas being his betrayer, but also the way that Judas’ constant advice and interference with Jesus’ life (most obviously, the mary thing) are acted by Ola Salo as becoming increasingly frustrating to Jesus)- these frustrations are directed at their real cause, God, in Gethsemane. Judas’ frustrations come from the fact that no matter how hard he tries to help Jesus and keep him safe, Jesus keeps rejecting his efforts resulting in “all that we’ve built up [being] destroyed”- Judas’ heart hasn’t just been broken by Jesus rejecting him romantically, but on every level. Here, he’s actually shown to be the disciple most passionate about helping people practically and long term, being the only one concerned about Mary taking money which was supposed to help people, manipulated by the pharisees with the promise of doing good for the masses, and criticising Jesus for how they could be doing so much for people, ending his part of Last Supper with “every time i look at you i ask myself why you let all your things go so wrong? / all i ever wanted was to help you”. 

This is also the point where Judas’ claims about the disciples are essentially confirmed, and this productions intent to portray Judas as more of a tragic hero become absolutely clear. In the english version, the disciples chorus remains virtually the same each time it appears, generally being far too calm considering their leader is about to die, revealing their aspirations to be apostles, and their intent to write the gospels to be remembered. the swedish translation still achieve this, but with variations from chorus to chorus it becomes much more poignant. i’m just going to stick to ttwo, which are choruses 1 and 3. In chorus 1, lines roughly translate to “i’ve always wanted to be an apostle / life is so nice when you’re saved/ then when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / then everything will be the way we want”-  the apostles declaring that life is so good when you’re saved supports Judas’ opening statement that they care more about some idea of heaven than anything else, not to mention ignoring the absolute horrors that Jesus will have to go through to be saved, while the final line about the gospels introduces their intent to change whichever details they need to make ‘everything the way we want’: once again, exactly what Judas warned us of in En Dimmig Himmelsdröm. In chorus 3, taking place after Judas storms out for the last time, these lines change to “never really liked that judas / never saw what jesus saw in him / then, when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / and we’ll angle it so he gets all the blame”. Judas as a sympathetic character is confirmed here, as the disciples straight up admit how they don’t like Judas anyways and intend to write him as a villain (also inadvertently admitting that, since they have to write the gospels to make it look like only Judas’ fault, Judas isn’t really the sole one responsible for everything that is to come). It’s deeply unsettling, and for me was the point where I really began to question how good any of these disciples were, and by extension, how good is this production’s God if his truly sanctified followers are acting like this?

Jesus vents out all of his anger and desperation in Gethsemane. He acknowledges his own powerlessness and begs him to change the plan, but with the dark stage and no response (along with Ola Salo’s spectacular acting) it becomes clear that if anyone is there, they’re certainly not listening (”you, who have all the power / can you please change the plan / for i can already feel the pain burning in me”). It’s worth mentioning that a lot of the imagery in this swedish version is much more intense than the english, both in this song and the production as a whole. Jesus plainly calls god “thoughtless”, begging to understand, and it’s that this point we realise that he agrees with much more of what Judas has been saying than he’s been letting on- Jesus’ faith appears to be the only thing keeping him from listening to Judas and running away. Judas’ messages about people misunderstanding Jesus’ words also come out (”you care that everyone sees / but not that anyone understands”), and his eventual agreeing to die is played less as an inspiring act of faith, and more an act of desperation as he realises, he realise has no other choice. In this song, we see just how much of Judas Jesus has valued and taken on board, and that his air of carefree aloofness which frustrated Judas was, as we’ve already touched on, a complete act. The line “might as well finish what i’ve... what YOU’VE started” is absolutely miserable, reinforcing one of the major themes of this production: the idea that Jesus and Judas were both just ordinary men tormented by futures defined by forces out of their control. Just as Jesus has absorbed Judas’ logic, as an audience so we have, and it’s difficult to view the rest of the play’s events as anything other than an immense and unnecessary act of cruelty.

we’re almost done i promise!

Even knowing what Judas has/will do, Jesus still greets him with love. Judas, still under the impression that Jesus will be okay and that he’s doing what’s best, approaches him with the utmost tenderness, and the kiss is a beautiful signifier of two things. For Jesus, the return of his love for Judas shows his realisation in Gethsemane that Judas isn’t the one who’s sealed his fate and has only being trying to help, it’s god himself who has decided Jesus’ future. For Judas, the kiss shows that despite all of the anger and frustration that has been pouring out of him, he truly does love Jesus, and the way he cradles the scared and alone Jesus to his chest afterwards shows just how much he wishes he could be the one to help him and keep him close. Even with all their arguments and dysfunction, here Jesus and Judas find comfort in each other, and it almost seems like everything will end up alright. It’s in this moment that Judas and Jesus are most identifiable not as enemies, or as villain and hero, but as archetypal lovers from a Shakespearean tragedy. Neither of them set out to hurt each other, but through miscommunications, their own flaws, and external forces (both natural and supernatural), their love is simply never to be. Furthermore, in the following torture and spectacle, everything that Judas predicted for Jesus is about to come true. Another detail I find interesting is the way that Jesus and Judas both sport black nail polish, leather pants, and similar length hair: along with just looking cool as hell, the similarities really reinforce how close they are and how much they influence each other- it feels like a contemporary version of carrying a cameo or a lock of your lover's hair with you, a way for 'star crossed lovers' to keep a piece of their beloved no matter what.

The disaffected persona of Jesus, the institution, comes back as he’s taken by the authorities and subsequently insulted, degraded, and whipped. Also the swedish version of The Arrest, when the chorus starts singing questions, contains this dick joke and I think we all deserve it: “why were you dating a whore? / talk about a huge magic wand!”

Skipping forward to Judas’ Death, this is where both his character and the production’s conception of god beautifully (and miserably) align. When Judas runs to the pharisees, minor semantic changes (along with the genuine concern and great acting from Peter Johansson) reinforce that this Judas genuinely didn’t know that Jesus would be beaten and sentenced to death the way he has been, and Judas’ concern regarding how things look is played less as ‘oh no people will hate ME!’, but how having sentenced the man you love to death is one nightmarish thing, but for everyone to think you did it knowingly and willingly and then congratulate you for it is unthinkable. Where the english shows Judas’ attempting to evade responsibility for Jesus death, the swedish is more focused on Judas’ guilt, horror, and regret. The english “I’d save him all the suffering if I could / don’t believe our good / save him if I could” is swapped in swedish for “If anyone should die here I should / don’t say I’m good / better if I died”. While the english statements are somewhat empty (sure, Judas says he’d save Jesus’ suffering if he could, but he can’t so we’ll never truly know) and are still focused on Judas’ attempt to construct himself as a good guy, the swedish translation has Judas admit his guilt (even if it’s not really his fault), and make the promise of “better if i died” which, given the name of this sequence, he later delivers on. When english Judas sings “Christ, I’d sell out the nation / For I have been saddled with the murder of you”, swedish Judas sings “Jesus, I’ve been deceived / because of my act your blood’s now being spilt”, and instead of ending this first section with “I should be dragged through the slime and the mud”, swedish jesus returns to the theme of character assasination with “i will be cursed as the one behind your murder”. 

The swedish translation of the next rework of I Don’t Know How to Love Him also places much more emphasis on Judas’ genuine romantic love for Jesus- we’d be here for hours if i listed everything but here are a few key contrasts. The english has Judas sing “I don’t know how to love him /  I don’t know why he moves me”, whereas the swedish has Judas crying while singing “how do I show my love / all I want is to be close to you”. Along with acknowledging Judas already loves Jesus, the entirety of this segment is shifted from Judas singing about Jesus in the third person ‘he’, to a direct address. Judas isn’t performing his sadness, or venting his emotions, he’s emitting one last desperate cry to the man he loves as he sobs on a stage completely shrouded in darkness, and it’s devastating. Peter Johansson lets his voice run raw as he’s belting, and interrupts lines with sobs, and this Judas answers the question of “do you love me too? do you care for me?” with a quiet “no”- Judas is about to go to his death convinced Jesus must hate him, just as Jesus will face his knowing his love inadvertently put him there.

We finally reach Judas’ actual death, and the production’s far more ambiguous (if not negatively geared) depiction of god comes to a head. Judas’ screaming at god the moment he realises that his god essentially forced Judas to be the one to kill Jesus (an act of ultimate cruelty given their love) comes across as horrifying in it’s validity, unlike in other english language productions where it follows the more common characterisation of Judas being an unbeliever who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. When he spits on the ground, screaming “you have murdered me!”, we can’t help but agree- Judas was trying everything he could to stop Jesus from dying, and yet here he is. Most notably, Judas doesn’t set up his own suicide- a noose literally descends from the heavens, already tied, and Judas is literally trapped between the edge of the stage, and the symbol of death behind him. Much like he didn’t choose to kill Jesus, Judas has no choice in his own suicide- it’s suggested to merely be another part of the plan god has for him, and Judas raising his arms to form a crucifixion pose before he finally turns and jumps, disappearing into the depths of the theatre as the rope trails down (somewhat evocative of a leap to hell), highlight the sick joke. Much like Jesus begging in Gethsemane, a plea with god that in anyway implies fault or cruelty is met with silence followed by a death sentence. 

When Judas reappears to the broken and bloodied Jesus in Superstar, he appears as more of a twisted hallucination than the literal spirit of Judas. He’s the opposite of everything he was in life, draped in colour, surrounded by red lighting instead of the signature blue, his hair quite literally let down, joking and dancing. Despite singing about him, Judas virtually ignores Jesus for the whole song except when he’s taunting him, snatching his hand away after a broken and desperate Jesus reaches out for the image of his beloved (refuting Judas’ belief that Jesus would die hating him), along with the swedish additions of Judas repeatedly addressing him as “little Jesus”. Where the living Judas was serious, sometimes harsh but always well intention, often paying more attention to Jesus than he received, this Judas is the opposite: light hearted but cruel, not caring about Jesus one bit. It’s somewhat an inversion of the beginning of JCS, where the tormented Judas was constantly reaching out to Jesus, and often met with scorn and insult (see: most of their arguments, this line from Everything’s Alright: “the thought is beautiful but quite unrealistic / yes, even quite stupid”). As the song goes on, and even as Jesus is crucified, the victorious scoring of the Superstar theme ends up reinforcing the cruelty and questioning of god distinctive of this production: Ola Salo’s Jesus is one of the bloodiest Jesus’s (Jesii?) I’ve been able to find, with blood covering his torso, his arms, and all over his face, not in passive dribbles, but violent ‘swooshes’ spreading out from his eyes, emphasising the fear and pain contained within them. As the music suggests how great and wonderful Jesus’ death is, the images straight out of a horror movie before us don’t seem to match up: as both Judas and Jesus question, if no one is understanding what Jesus is saying, why kill him? instead of making a point, you’re ensuring that the falsehoods continue to circulate, unless spreading the true message isn’t really the intent at all. or, simply that Jesus was wrong: his interpretation and teachings of god were far too kind and practical, and the true god really is the one that he briefly saw in the garden of Gethsemane, and that Judas saw before his death- a cruel and vindictive god using them for his own sick purposes. If you're a strong Christian, I'm sure you could watch this production and still believe that God was right (although I think Jesus and Judas being in love counts as blasphemy), but I think in doing so you'd lose part of what makes this production so hard hitting and, as i keep saying, devastating.

that’s pretty much it for this one! i feel like jesus and judas as a queer couple is less significant to this production than the fact that it’s specifically jesus and judas that are in love - they don’t face explicit homophobia as such, although i do think the paratextual and historical associations of queerness (both with them each looking visibly queer, and them as a couple) adds a beautiful dimension by subverting the standard christian teaching of Jesus’ sacrifice as “a love that changed the world” and making the love that truly could have been transformative (and was, to a degree) the love between Jesus and another man, not to mention the way in which queerness is often viewed as radical perfectly upholding the ‘radical’ views of god and the story of Jesus shown in the production. Why wouldn’t the love between two men be the love which has us questioning god, faith, and that which many of us have been taught since birth? Ola Salo has talked about how he’s able to be positive and negative towards christianity, along with how he wanted Jesus and Judas to really represent two sides of the same coin (’faith and intelligence’), and being bisexual along with having alluded to being raised christian (not to mention Breaking Up With God, a song by his band The Ark), it’s not surprising he’s managed to present such a nuanced and layered interpretation of Jesus Christ Superstar that even me, a trans exvangelical, can fall in love with.

UPDATE: @bands-and-hobbits has just let me know that Ola's dad was a priest! Apparently he's said that he liked the organs and the music, but that was all when it comes to christianity, which (when combined with Ola stating in interviews that the JCS soundtrack has been one of his favourite albums since he was 14) makes a lot of sense about the level of familiarity he had with the text giving him confidence to go in and make changes to really capitalised off of some of the themes that are hinted at in the english version- you have enough information to understand how everything works together, but aren't so dedicated to preserving belief that you feel you can't improve/change things (and my god are we glad he did)

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

My word, the music world has well and truly spoiled us this week!

The past seven days has seen a colossal avalanche of new releases, so much so I’ve barely had chance to keep up with it all. Although this is not the full list of everything from the past seven days, here are the 16 (yes, 16!) new releases I’ve enjoyed the most this week.

As there is so much to get through the rundowns are (mostly) a bit shorter than normal and there is no single Album of the Week, instead I simply recommend checking out whichever album or track sounds most appealing depending on your preferred taste.

So without further ado then, here’s what’s good:

Californian Soil by London Grammar

It’s been four years since the release of London Grammar’s last record Truth Is A Beautiful Thing - an album that I enjoyed, but I’ll admit also left me feeling somewhat underwhelmed coming off the back of their incredible breakout debut, If You Wait. As it turns out, the band themselves were also having a tough time around that period, with front woman Hannah Reid in particular battling relentless industry sexism, as well as the persistent physical pain caused by her fibromyalgia condition. With this being the case, it is amazing that the young indie-pop trio have made it to their third album at all, let alone delivering what is their best work to date.

Opening on a grand, string-drenched Intro, the record soon morphs into the sun-soaked guitars and soaring orchestration of the album’s glorious title track. It marks an early highlight as Reid catches the audience up with the tribulations of the last few years – “I left my soul on Californian soil.” From there the album doesn’t really let up as the band move through a series of career-defining tracks – the gorgeous contemporary groove of Missing, the dance-influenced How Does It Feel, the chilled-out ambience of the dreamy Baby, It’s You and the sublime, stripped-back closer America.

However, the album’s strongest moment comes when Reid confronts music industry sexism head on with defiant anthem Lord It’s A Feeling. Beginning with some twinkly xylophone, before evolving into an atmospheric synth-laced backdrop where Reid pulls no punches:

“I saw the way you made her feel, like she should be somebody else,

I know you think the stars align for you and not for her as well,

I undеrstand, I can admit that I have felt those things mysеlf”

The cutting lyrics against some blinding quiet rave instrumentation leaves quite the impression, as does this sterling record in general. After a slight misstep, London Grammar have well and truly rediscovered themselves and they have honestly never sounded better – a truly incredible album.

If You Could Have It All Again by Low Island

Oxford electo-pop outfit Low Island are another band that have defied expectations to get to this point. This, their debut album, was not recorded in a professional music studio – in fact, the vocals were recorded in a bedroom cupboard of all places. The band themselves don’t even have a manager or a record label. In every sense of the word, they are a truly independent band. For a self-financed, self-produced effort, If You Could Have It All Again is a quite remarkable first outing.

From melodic, uplifting opener Hey Man, the record quickly jumps into spoken word electro punk banger What Do You Stand For, featuring acid-drenched synths and a dancefloor-ready groove. Fans of FIFA 21 will recall Don’t Let the Light In, with the glitchy pulse of recent single Who’s Having the Greatest Time also standing out. That said, it’s the smooth, infectious sway of I Do It For You that still pulls me in the most.

Having followed the band since their early EPs, I’ve been rooting for Low Island for a while now and this is one debut album I was highly anticipating this year. Safe to say, my expectations have been met – this is a fantastic, accomplished record, which leaves me eager to see where they go next.

The Greatest Mistake Of My Life by Holding Absence

There was a time when the difficult second album used to be a thing, but listening to the sophomore effort from Welsh rock band Holding Absence this week, I’m really not sure that exists anymore. After a dramatic and impressive self-titled debut two years ago, the band have wasted little time taking things up a notch, with this new album cinematic and masterfully produced from beginning to end.

From standout singalong anthems like Afterlife and In Circles, to the album’s epic seven-minute penultimate track Mourning Song, The Greatest Mistake of My Life shows a band pushing themselves and driving forward with ambition at every opportunity. In a year packed with outstanding rock and metal albums already, this is most definitely another one you can add onto that list. Soaring, impressive and demanding of repeat listens.

We Forgot We Were Dreaming by Saint Raymond

It’s been six long years since Nottingham-born singer-songwriter Callum Burrows, AKA Saint Raymond, released his debut album. However it seems the time away has been well spent as this long-awaited follow-up finds Burrows in fine form, with this album packed to the brim with catchy, glossily produced indie-pop anthems.

From the brilliant title track that opens the record, to the bouncy riffs of Right Way Round, Talk and Solid Gold, to more subdued and heartfelt moments like Only You, this album will have you smiling, singing your heart out and dancing your troubles away.

Flu Game by AJ Tracey

AJ Tracey may have only been three years old when Michael Jordan was winning NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls, but that hasn’t stopped him making a record influenced by the legendary icon and his famous 1997 Flu Game. Like many others including myself, grime superstar AJ Tracey spent lockdown watching the brilliant The Last Dance documentary, and this record weirdly works as a fantastic unofficial companion, but also just a great summer rap record.

McCartney III Imagined by Paul McCartney

Even if like me you completely missed Sir Paul McCartney’s 2020 album McCartney III, it’s well worth checking out this reimagining, where he has called on the help of some of his famous musician pals. This is a real who’s who line up of guest features including Beck, Khurangbin, St. Vincent, Blood Orange, Phoebe Bridgers, Damon Albarn, Josh Homme, Anderson .Paak and more, making for quite a fascinating mix of sounds and styles.

Moratorium (Broadcasts from The Interruption) by Enter Shikari

And finally on the albums front this week, genre-benders Enter Shikari have released a brilliant compilation of all their lockdown live performances, headlined by an incredible string-tinged acoustic version of The Dreamer’s Hotel and a beautifully stripped-back “At Home” rendition of Live Outside.

Tracks of the Week

Introvert by Little Simz

Wow, wow and wow again. Still fairly fresh off the back of her masterful, Mercury Prize nominated third album Grey Area, this week British rapper Little Simz released the first taste of her next record in the form of this epic and triumphant opening track. At six minutes in length, this majestic and operatic political anthem aims to grab the listener by the collar and shake them awake. Without a doubt, one of the best songs of the year so far, the powerful video for which you can view above.

Smile by Wolf Alice

The second taste of their forthcoming album Blue Weekend, Smile continues Wolf Alice’s pattern for alternating Loud/Soft releases, with this one featuring buzzy guitars, punky vocals and a hypnotic chorus melody.

Beautiful Beaches by James

Although written off the back of the California wildfires that impacted front man Tim Booth’s local community, the lyrics on the band’s latest anthem purposefully offer a dual meaning, giving hope to those dreaming of a post-lockdown getaway and fresh start.

He Said She Said by CHVRCHES

The Scottish trio made their much-anticipated return this week, with Lauren Mayberry also sharing her experiences of sexism on this arena-ready synth-pop banger.

Matty Healy by Georgia Twinn

Georgia Twinn delivers an infectiously catchy break-up anthem, inspired by an ex-boyfriend, who’s most interesting feature was supposedly looking like the 1975 frontman.

Kill It by Vukovi

Underground Scottish rock outfit Vukovi’s new single is so good, they even managed to get KILL IT trending over the weekend of its release. Masterfully produced with big bold riffs and trancey synths, this one just sounds huge.

Can’t Carry On by Gruff Rhys

The latest solo single from the former Super Furry Animals frontman is a stunning, super-melodic tune with an instant chorus you’ll be singing before the track has even finished its first play.

Ceremony by Deftones

One of the highlights off their last album Ohms, the nu-metal rockers have now delivered a cinematic new video directed by horror legend Leigh Whannell. Check it out!

Chasing Birds by Foo Fighters

And finally this week, Dave Grohl and company released a trippy new animated video for this Medicine At Midnight cut to help celebrate 420 in their own unique way. Again, well worth a watch!

[mydearesthrry]

places we won’t walk (chapter one) || peter parker

summary - the doors at midtown seem a little boring, but when you get introduced to someone you seem to remember, what happens when they seem to remember you too?

word count - 2.9k (wow shes gettin better!)

pairings - peter parker x fem!reader

warnings - like mild mention of s*xual assault, angst if you squint really hard, mj being a softy for you, mj being a lowkey bi, peter being stupid as always, y/n calling peter a colonizer.... thats it ok enjoy

a/n: so i know i last updated in october, but as u all saw i have a 25 days of xnas thing going on (PLS I WROTE THE A/N LIKE A MONTH AGO PLUS I FORGOT ABOUT THE XMAS THING DISREGARD) so pwww updates will be slow (as if they werent already omg) but the next chapter will be arriving hopefully, fingers crossed, on xmas eve or xmas! also, are you guys watching the new euphoria episode? also, i’ve stopped using the word ‘stuttering’, as it may be ableist, and i’d never wanna come off as insensitive. anyway lmao, enjoy chapter one, the trials and tribulations of hitting someone in the nuts.

also side note psa: biggest thank you to @blossomparkers for helping me so much w this chapter. i owe it all tooooo u lani yani. thank u for everything !!!!!

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(gif not mine!)

when y/n y/m/n stark was in her early years, she was never aware of the impact her father would and did hold over her life, and in turn, the whole world. for the longest time, you’d always assumed that your father wasn’t real, and everything that had been told to you by malicious family members who were jealous over your father’s “successes” had been lies, and you had it believed yourself. no one would even think that you were tony stark’s daughter until it had been mentioned. tony’s snarky attitude had been a character trait that you’d gotten, and you always took pride in your humor and attitude.

the story of your mother and tony had been messy and all over the place. from a drunken hook-up followed by multiple days of morning sickness, to a surprise pregnancy test, the storyline of your parents had been.. well.. interesting to say the least. you never focused on your family’s history, solely based on the fact that you didn’t have two fucks to give about your family history, but you also never knew your father which was-- bizarre. 

when tony had found out about you, he claimed it was a drunken accident, a mistake, and one he made when he was “less responsibly a stark”, which was actually just some fucking bullshit, but he didn’t wanna admit that he hooked up with some random chick at a bar that he thought was hot.

since you had been raised by a mother who was barely there, you had to raise yourself. you were kinda street smart and book smart, and you were always smart when it came to books, because you were the type to want to learn-- unlike others.

when you were in your teen years, you had tabs on you and the media on you 24/7 to make sure you didn’t royally fuck up. the unwanted attention became too much when you started realizing that people didn’t want you for your personality, they wanted you for your title. but this was after you moved from brooklyn. nuvale and peter never saw you as some “movie star”, or some famous person in the media because you weren’t. but when you had grown to learn what your father did, he had forced you to not fuck up to maintain his-- somewhat okay reputation. 

you always wanted that superstar life, as a fantasy of course, but when you got to it, you realized the cliche-y-ness of it all. you’d idolized the famous women in the media-- idolized how they looked like. you realized fairly quick how fucked up the media truly is. you realized how things really aren’t as they seem. its not just the galas that look extravagant, or getting to wear a fancy new gucci outfit every night. it honestly was a whole bunch of other shit you wouldn’t even imagine. it comes with the no privacy thing- people stalking you in public, the death threats, so much shit that wouldn’t happen as common if you were just anonymous.

being an avenger (basically), your dad had natasha teach you the ropes; the basic rules of how to kick someones ass. it was a handbook that the women of the avengers had created, and it had all the rules and regulations of how to spar someone on the team, and basically how to righteously beat someone's ass up. it was never really something you found too important, but as you grew older, you realized that it was very important to know, especially since you were a girl.

despite your harsh remarks and snarky attitude, your father always knew how to hit a sensitive point in you that always managed to break you down. you never quite understood why he would want to make you feel worse about yourself than you already felt, but regardless, you always felt underappreciated by him. being a stark, you were expected to be a genius, get over the top grades, and constantly be able to keep up, but with your luck, you were graced with depression, social anxiety, and a 4.0 gpa. fun, right? 

wrong.

when you were 11, you had made friends with the kids in your apartment halls, and you learned that their names were nuvale jones and peter parker, and you were basically the golden trio. you were hermione, peter was ron, and nuvale was harry. which, now that you look back at it, makes much more sense than any other arrangement. you also had another friend, harry osborn, but once he moved away, there was no way for you to talk to him anymore. he had moved across the country to california, and from then, it was just you, peter, and nuvale. your best friends ha been there for you for what seemed like decades, although you only knew them for about three.

peter was the boy with the rosy cheeks who little 12 year old you would get butterflies in her tummy. or the type of boy to bring you an extra snack if you weren’t able to pack it the night before. he was the type of boy to walk you to the nurses office if you got hit with a dodgeball. he was the type of boy to fall for someone like you. but he didn’t. or so you thought. 

little prebubescent y/n was an awkward girl who thought the world would be on her side when she needed it the most, or that whenever you needed peter or nuva, they would be there. you didn’t think your best friend would stop talking to you after you had moved away. you were too naive to know that peter liked you, and you were too naive to know that he had liked you back, but you wanted to believe what your brain would tell you, so you decided to flush your feelings down the drain and forget about them, which, in hindsight, was a pretty shitty idea. who would’ve known?

your alarm clock blared loudly from beside you, causing you to let out a loud groan in protest. you hit the side of your head angrily, then whining and rubbing the spot which you hit. whines and loud sighs fell from your lips as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and pulled the covers over your head, knowing what would come next after you would try to snooze your alarm.

“good morning, miss stark, how could i be of service to you this morning?” friday’s voice echoed through your large bedroom. you peaked your eyes and forehead from beneath the covers, your eyes slowly starting to adjust to the light that was pulled through the big blinds which were now open. 

“mmm, fri, just tell happy to get the car ready, ill be ready in a few min- nevermind, tell him to get ready in thirty, im probably gonna fall asleep in the shower.” you croaked, taking your phone from the charger which was on your nightstand. you slipped on your bunny slippers and turned on the heater in your room, the draft filling your room with cold air throughout the night.

-------

once you walked through the large industrial doors of midtown’s cafeteria, everyones voices started to drop into sharp hushed whispers, making you roll your eyes and pull your hood up over your face. you pulled your airpods from your pockets into your ears and tried your best to avoid any and all eye contact with anyone you did end up coming into contact with. you walked over to the food bar where you grabbed a red school tray and plastered on your best smile to the lunch ladies who work oh so hard to make sure you all were fed. as you walked through the line, you could feel the intensified stares on you, making your back erupt in chills. you didn’t like to be watched, and the fact that you were a so-called celebrity didn’t help your cause in any way. 

“hey.” a low voice called from behind you. it was a girl with curly hair with gorgeous light brown skin, and a jawline that would cut you. you were almost astonished by her beauty, but you remembered the facade you had to hold, especially to strangers that you didn’t know.

“hey?” you asked unsurely, wondering if she was with the media or not. which was something that tended to happen quite a bit.

“don’t worry, i’m not with the press. you just seem interesting.” she said in a monotone voice, but still with a strong look of seriousness on her face. you giggled softly when your eyes locked and your faces went totally still, making the girl in front of you laugh as well. she held out her hand in front of you, while also balancing her tray and book in the other hand. you placed yours into hers and shook it, smiling when she told you her name.

“michelle jones.” she smiled, your throat getting a little tight at her last name, and you had to admit that it struck a little chord within you, but you quickly cleared it from your thoughts and introduced yourself as well.

“y/n stark. pleasure to meet you, jones.”

“pleasure to meet you too.”

“so, i get that you’re new here,” she started walking, inviting you to walk along with her. “what- what are you doing here? i mean i get you’re smart and all, but this is a nerd school; you literally could’ve gone anywhere, so, might i ask, why here?”

“hm, interesting question. seriously i don’t know. my dad and i don’t really get along so he makes the decisions and i tell him if i like it or not. which by the way, i’m gonna have to stay near you-- you’re the only one making this bearable for me right now.” you snorted, nudging your elbow to hers. 

“hm, daddy issues. great song, love the artists.” she smirked, making you shoot your head back in loud laughter, gaining some side eyed glances from a few people sitting at the tables around you.

“so, where are we sitting? i usually nev-”

“hey mj!” you were interrupted by a boyish laugh and hoots and hollers coming from a table two tables ahead of you. 

“jesus fucking christ. what? just because i got some and you didn’t doesn’t mean that you have to be that fuckin’ loud about it.” she grumbled, placing her tray down, slinging the backpack on her right shoulder beside her. you looked at her with a nervous but curious glint in your eyes. she gave you a knowing look which said, ‘just go with what i say’, making you nod in understanding.

“woah! holy shit! i m- i mean woah- nice to- nice to meet you!” the boy fumbled over his words, looking at you and michelle in disbelief, shaking his friends shoulder and poking at his cheek.

“nice cut, g. looks nice.” you said to him, giggling as you stuck your straw into the mini juice box.

“o-oh, thanks… g?” he said back to you, observing your looks with a confused expression written on his face making you giggle at his confusion. 

“peter! look! y/n stark is at our table!” he whisper shouted to his friend, making you look at michelle with a smile on your face and playfully rolling your eyes. she looked back at you, rolling her eyes as well, gesturing to her head as if saying ‘idiots’, making you giggle and turn back to them. 

“so, bowl cut dude, what’s your name?” you nodded to him, picking at your salad with the blac spork that was so cordially given to you by mj. 

“n-ned, ned leeds.” he smiled sheepishly.

“and you, colonizer, what’s your name?” you tapped on the table, alerting the boys attention. you could hear michelle and ned hollering and snickering from their seats, but decided to keep your poker face rolling. but i mean, how couldn’t you? the look on his face was absolutely priceless. 

“peter park- wait did you just call me a colonizer?” he cut himself off in his own sentence, looking at his other friends for confirmation, to which they nodded, still cackling at the fact that you had indeed call him a colonizer.

“peter park, hm?” you teased, ignoring the way you hesitated and ignoring the way your chest felt heavy when the name of peter was said.

“n-no thats not my name-” he said, tripping over his words, making you let out a chuckle. 

“i’m messing with you. with what you’ve given me, i could only guess your name is peter parker?” you rested your chin on your hand, engaging in the awkward conversation.

“yeah. thats my name.” he said more confidently, giving you a tight lipped smile.

“nice to meet you, parker.”

“you too, stark, my pleasure.”

----

after the small encounter with your new found friends, you had gone back to your respective classes, which meant that your next class had peter in it. after you had split up, you decided to get there early to avoid any commotion surrounding you.

as the boring class continued, you heard the loud clicking of high heels in the hallways, which had to be one person and one person only.

“stark,” someone shouted from the door which swung open. low and behold, in front of you was the prickly bitch, your principal, mrs cunningham. “come with me, eugene’s parents have requested a meeting with you and your father considering that you had just hit their son in the private areas!” everyone snickered and laughed. finally someone had stood up to flash’s shit. 

“y- you punched flash in the nuts? i thought that was just a rumor?” peter stuttered, looking at you in disbelief.

“yeah, the fuck was i gonna do? let him flirt with me? no. that bitch tried to grab my ass. i’m a stark, i was raised better than that.” you whispered to him, packing your bag as you did so.

“hm, guess you’re right. well, good luck stark.” 

“thanks parker.”

--------

once you arrived in the principals office, you saw what seemed to be his mother in one of the seats decked out in expensive pearls and diamonds. typical.

“little miss over here punched my son in the privates! i will not allow this to happen!” fuck. you thought; another one of those stuck up cunty parents.

“pfft, probably paid to get their son into here.” you muttered under your breath, playing with your protection bracelets incase anything was to ever happen.

“wHAT? mrs cunningham, i will not allow this child to talk about my son this wa-”

“hello! i was called in?” a voice interrupted, one you could only peg as your father.

“ahh! mr stark! you’re finally here!” your hilarious excuse as a principal said cheerfully.

“i am! and i am here to.. come and have a meeting about my daughter's- behavior?” he asked questiongly, already seeing the triumphant and cocky look on your face. he knew you weren’t at fault, and you were gonna lie your pretty ass out of it.

“well, mr stark, we have a student in the nurses room due to the actions of your daughter!” she looked at him menacingly. he shook his head with a smile on his face and walked over to you, grasping your shoulders in his hands.

“well kiddo, wanna explain what and why you did what you did?” he smiled, giving you two taps on your shoulder, already knowing what was next. you two had a pretty good acting schedule when it came to it, when in reality, you despised eachother.

“sure daddy! eugene had been hitting on me for several days now, and even found my private social medias in use to.. how can i say this, use me for my fame? he tried talking to me, very inappropriately on several occasions, and even went as far as to try and grab me in areas in which i find extremely inappropriate, without my consent, might i add, which doesn’t seem okay with me. does it seem exceptional to you, mrs thompson?” you asked, while only keeping your eyes on his mother.

“why, i am so sorry miss stark! his father will be in contact, i did not raise my baby to be this way! im sorry for any inconvenience he may have caused you!” she gasped, raising a hand to her heart. 

“it’s okay, i just request, may this never happen again? i would not like my privacy to be invaded, much less from your son, and can i please ask that he never try to hit on me, nor any girls at this school ever again? i can only imagine how many other girls this may have happened to, mrs thompson.” you sighed, your eyes filling up with fake tears. you reached up to touch your fathers hand, tapping it twice back, knowing that you both had just won.

“never again miss stark, once again, i am so sorry this happened to you.” 

“it’s okay. now mrs cunningham, shall we see our way out?” your father answered for you, looking over at the old white woman who looked like a piece of cheese. she could only nod in awe, giving you the cue to pick up your bags and walk proudly to the door.

“thanks i guess.” you muttered, pulling out your airpods once more, hoping to seal the conversation with your father.

“yeah yeah, no problemo.” he muttered back, avoiding eye contact and stuffing his hands in his  pockets. 

once you reached the door, you remembered that you had left something in your locker, and informed your dad that you’d be going back to get it. he all but nodded and looked back at his shoes before trudging to the car.

once you entered the seemingly halls, much to your surprise, you saw a scrawny teenage boy lifting open a set of lockers, which you didn’t even know was possible, and pulling out a red and blue suit. once you saw who the hands belonged to, your mouth fell agape as you gasped,

“peter?”

[mimssides]

Life on Crow Avenue: Part 24

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Roman went to practice an hour and a half later. Samantha had to rescheduled it, since she had a prior engagement. Roman didn’t mind but it meant that Janus wouldn’t come, since he always played at James’ Jazz Palace on Fridays. Which was fine, of course. He had just hoped that his friend (they were friends yes, he reminded himself) would be there and spend some time with him.

Because no matter how much Roman liked Patton, Logan, Virgil and especially his brother it was different to be around Janus. It made him relax and dream like he used to before so many things had happened. Well, not exactly like then but it was close enough to feel nostalgic and yet different enough to not hurt. And it was nice to have things not hurting you for a little bit.

A little lost and discouraged Roman parked his car and mentally steeled himself, so he could smile and go smoothly through practice tonight. With a last sigh he slid out of his car seat and walked towards the entrance. With a small hum on his lips, he went inside.

“Like what you see, Mr. Superstar Actor?”

Roman froze on the spot. In front of him stood Janus, repeating his words from the very first time they really spoke but now so much fonder and warmer than then. He wore a black dress shirt, the yellow vest from his performances, black dress pants, his black bowler hat and a yellow bow tie.

Under other circumstances, Roman would have whipped out a smart retort and asked playfully what was going on. But right now, Roman couldn’t do that. Life had been a lot lately and even though he was finally able to sleep in his own bed again, since they moved the kittens out of his bed last Tuesday, he still felt somewhat exhausted and watching Janus smile at him like this really did something to him.

“Hey...” Roman managed to mumble and pushed his hair back, despite it being in perfect shape.

Janus’s look softened more and he walked towards him.

“Are you surprised?”

Roman subconsciously scratched a spot on his hairline and bit his lower lip.

“Surprised would be a word for it, yeah,” Roman admitted not quite certain what to think of all of this.

Janus shifted on his feet, placing his walking stick in front of him and said calmingly: “That’s alright. It’s supposed to be a surprise but I don’t want to overwhelm you. This is meant to be relaxing for you, after all.”

Roman felt a little uncomfortable. He didn’t know why exactly. He was happy to see Janus, really happy even, but all of this seemed weird and he did not understand what was exactly happening in this moment.

“Tonight is no practice,” Janus explained without being prompted to. “I asked Sam to not tell you, so I could get you to take a break. The meeting wouldn’t have been today no matter what, so I was just seizing the opportunity to get you out of your four walls and, well, force you gently to have some time away from home and distress for a moment. I have planned a few things we could do, but you’re setting the pace, you will say what you want and if you want to go home to your brother and the kittens, I will not stop you.”

Roman let that sink in. He kept staring at Janus, who was still smiling, still standing and still being patient with him. It grounded him immensely.

“So, I have – I have a choice?” Roman asked slowly.

A shiver ran down Roman’s spine when Janus said: “You have all the choices, Roman. Tonight, you can have whatever I can reasonably give you.”

Roman’s lips twitched and he could not stop himself but smile. Not the practiced one for his friends but the wobbly one for himself. And Janus saw the difference and stepped closer stretching out his hand for him. And Roman took it.

Janus laughed lightly and asked him: “Does this mean you would like to stay with me?”

Roman nodded bashfully and Janus’s smile widened.

“Alright then. But first, before you decide what we’ll do; How are you Roman? How do you feel?”

Roman squeezed Janus’s hand and looked down to his feet. He watched his foot tap quietly on the floor and realized how tingly he felt.

“A bit nervous?” Roman tried not quite sure if that description was really what fit his current emotional state.

“There are no wrong answers. Take your time.”

Roman looked up again. He recognized the tone. It was the one Janus used for Virgil, when he got anxious for some reason. He knew he did not like that feeling. But he ignored it for the time being and instead said: “A bit uncertain and unprepared fits probably better. I – I don’t think I had an evening away from home and my brother in – in a very long time? I feel a little lost really, so, uh – maybe you could tell me what our options are?”

Janus playfully bowed his head and explained: “Of course, Roman. I can offer you several places to go and have a nice dinner, potentially a spa evening if that’s to your liking, a theatre or cinema visit or a casual dinner down in our practice room.”

Roman blinked. A spa... evening? He began to giggle and shook his head. With raised eyebrows he glanced down to Janus, who matched his look flawlessly.

“I think casual dinner sounds about right for now. I’m not fancy enough for high dining, too fancy for cinema and definitely not comfortable enough to go in a spa and let someone massage me or something like that,” Roman said and Janus bowed his head.

“Then, please follow me,” Janus said and Roman walked behind him as the went downstairs into the room where they usually had theatre practice.

Janus held the door open for him and Roman was about to make a joke about his gentleman like behaviour when he got a proper look of the room. It was a rather big room, only little natural light from three cellar windows on the west side, a few posters hung at the light beige walls and usually there was a circle of chairs in the middle of it. Yet now there stood a table in its middle with a white tablecloth and pristine plates and cutlery sitting on it. A few chairs stood in the edges of the room, decorated with red clothes and a few props were carefully placed on them.

“I hope this is to your liking?” Janus asked and Roman turned around with a stunned expression.

Janus raised one eyebrow and smirked. With a smooth motion he let him know to follow him and pulled out a chair for him. A bit baffled Roman sat down and Janus chuckled a little as he watched him.

“Would you do me the favour of closing your eyes for a moment? I have another little thing to prepare,” Janus asked of him and with a soft nod Roman closed his eyes.

He listened to Janus walking around for a bit. There was the sound of a lighter and then he got distracted by quiet music starting to play. He concentrated and recognized it from a play he had watched once. He liked it and forgot to listen to Janus’s steps for a few moments. Only when Janus’s steps were getting closer again, he turned his head towards the noise and realized that he was standing next to the table. Roman frowned a little when the lighter made a sound again and Janus walked away once more.

“Alright then, my friend. You may open your eyes.”

Roman did so and immediately turned to look towards the door where Janus’s voice had been coming from. Janus was standing next to the light switch and – the room was dimly lit with candles. He looked back to the table and saw a white candle flicker on the middle of it.

Roman just stared at the tiny light for a moment. Looked at it move and breath in its small and subtle way and pressed his hand over his mouth. The gesture was not grand. It was not hard to prepare a room like this or light candles. But it needed time and consideration and Roman was not sure if he remembered someone had given him either unconditionally in the past few months, maybe even year, besides his brother.

Movement from the door let Roman fall out of his thought process and he looked towards it. Janus was coming closer, expression a little softer, less suave. He walked to the opposite side of the small table and sat down slowly. For a moment Janus just looked at Roman and let him feel the quiet.

“Feeling alright there, Roman?” Janus asked finally.

The smile Janus got as a reply as Roman pulled his hand away from his mouth was blinding. It was the first moment in that evening that Janus would lose a bit of his cool and it was perfectly timed as Roman took his chance and used that little waver to his advantage.

“I need you to know something about me, Janus,” Roman said a euphoria and a tiny spec of playful teasing shining through. “I show my adoration for things through teasing, because sometimes it’s just too much to right out say how much something means to you, you know? And this? This room, the candles, the music? This is absolutely ridiculous.”

Both began to laugh a little, ignoring how Janus pushed a handkerchief over the table so Roman could dry his cheeks from the few tears that had fought their way out of his eyes.

“It looks fantastic, Jay. When did you do this? How long-?”

Roman had cut himself off and Janus took it as a sign to talk: “Thank you. While the plan was mine and mine alone, I had a bit of help from Rodriguez. We met this afternoon around three and I have planning this for around two to three weeks or so. It’s hard to catch such a busy individual as yourself off clock.”

Roman’s smile broadened and he asked Janus about the music he chose. Janus explained his process as he took out a fancy bottle and a plate of some appetizer sandwiches from a little cart close to the table. Even before Roman could say anything about the ‘wine’ Janus told him that it was in fact juice that he had put in a wine bottle for aesthetic reasons.

Janus couldn’t continue with his talk about his music because his explanation threw Roman in a five-minute-long laughing fit. He pouted but despite himself, he found Roman’s snorting and giggling quite endearing. When he finally calmed again, Janus resumed his talk about the music he had chosen and Roman took his time to listen and eat and drink. After a few titles and the reasoning behind them, Roman caught onto the music which was playing and his eyes began to light up.

“Defying Gravity? You put Wicked into this?” Roman asked while listening to Glinda and Elphaba singing in their dispute.

Janus blinked a bit taken aback from the sudden interruption but quickly caught himself and said amused: “You mentioned that you like dramatic numbers and this one is very powerful and uplifting. I expected you would enjoy it.”

“Oh, I adore it! Elphaba is one of my favourite characters! She’s so smart and strong and I just like her whole spiel! If I had a better range, I would absolutely try and sing more of her parts,” Roman babbled and Janus feels himself leaning back a little.

“If you could, you would play Elphaba? Not Fiyero or Glinda?”

“She’s the hero type and I’ve got a weak spot for those roles. A tragic hero, admittedly, but a hero nevertheless,” Roman said and took a sip of his juice.

They held eye contact for a long moment until Janus cleared his throat and announced: “I did order some food. Remus said that you enjoy Chinese take-out the most, which I know does not fit the vibe but it’s your comfort food so I took that risk. He told me which menu and which place is the best in your opinion and well, it’s arriving soon. So, let me go and grab it, while you think about what you want.”

“What I want? But you already ordered?” Roman asked confused.

A smirk appeared on Janus’s lips and he told his guest while already leaving the room: “I was not talking about the food, dear. What do you want in general? What would you want to have in your ideal world? In your dreams?”

And with that Janus disappeared.

As someone told me lately: “Everyone deserves the chance to fly!”

Roman blinked. What he wanted. What he dreamed about. In an ideal world. That was a rather dreamy question from a man like Janus. He seemed to be more of a pessimist or realist to Roman. And yet Roman could not bother himself to think about that anymore as his thoughts escaped to some fantasies, he had had to push away due to the life he had been living.

After ten minutes Roman heard the door open and swiftly got up, as he saw Janus enter with a few food containers. Janus already wanted to protest when Roman took a few of his hands, but stopped when Roman shot him a fond look and insisted: “Oh, just let me help you, you drama queen.”

Janus let it happen and they laid out their food for their dinner. Roman took noodles first, while Janus preferred to start with a soup.

“So, Rem knows of this?” Roman asked after swallowing his first bite.

“He does, yes,” Janus said casually. “Also, the rest of the theatre group even though that the don’t have any details. I had to tell them because Sam is away every year around this time and would have blown my cover had I not told them not to. And because of Renee’s noisy nature Patton as well as Logan are in the picture.”

Roman chuckled at Janus’s dramatic eyeroll.

“I’m impressed how many people managed to not let this slip through. You must have bribed them royally.”

“You’d be surprised, but no bribery was involved in this whole mission. They were eager enough to shut their mouths if it you would profit from it. Our mutual friends wanted to see you happy. Believe it or not.”

I don’t. Roman raised his eyebrows with a smile, not quite as certain and convincing as it usually was. Janus took note of it but did not bring it up again.

Instead, he changed the topic again and asked Roman: “Now, have you thought about what you would want if you could have anything?”

Roman paused his chop sticks mid-air. His eyes almost glazed over at the thought and then at once there shone through something warm and very, very vulnerable.

“In a perfect world, I’d be an actor and I’d perform somewhere far away from here and where I was born. I’d be happy to be myself, I’d have fans and I’d write autographs and I’d make people happy and I’d speak up for those whose voice is silenced.”

Roman paused and looked at Janus. The smile was still on his lips but he had crossed his arms and his fingers were digging into the skin of his upper arms even through the red fabric of his turtleneck sweater.

“That’s noble,” Janus said in a quiet tone.

Roman grinned and broke the eye contact.

“Maybe, but it’s not really perfect... There’s so much I can’t account for. So many things that would have needed to go differently for that to be true. And it would also destroy the good things, the more than good thing happening in my life right now...”

“Like what?”

“Like you.”

It came so effortlessly over Roman’s lips that Janus almost didn’t register the meaning of it. But as it hit, it let him miss the soft glint in Roman’s eyes as his look settled on the cane which was leaning against the table.

“Perfection is such a weird thing. Like it’s supposed to be perfect, but how would we have met you and the others, if it was not for our imperfect decisions and imperfect life? We would have missed out so much and while the bad things were there, I would not want to give this moment away.”

Put On A Happy Face was playing in the background. Roman laughed and pushed a few stray hairs behind his ear. He should be grateful for what he had. For the chances he had been given, not many people could live a life like his and could still call themselves lucky enough to be standing.

“You do know that you are allowed to dream and desire things nevertheless?”

Roman frowned and looked at Janus. The man looked at him intently, no longer caught off guard or uncertainty residing in his expression.

Softly, but firmly Janus continued: “While perfection is a deceptive thing, there is no shame in wishing for a better or different reality of future. Or even wishing some things in the past had gone down differently. Life is hard and you are your closest friend, Roman. It is your goal to make yourself happy. And that can mean that you act or think selfishly, which is fine too. I am a very selfish person and I’m absolutely not ashamed of it. Who but me will take care of me at the end of the day, pray tell?”

Roman gulped. He felt tears well up in his eyes and take an airy breath as a bitter smile spread on his face.

“... There are things I’d change or want even though I know I can’t have them... I’d love to perform or sing in front of a big audience. I... I’d like to be recognized for the things I do... And-” Roman’s demeanour changed and intensity stirred in his body - “I want Remus to be mentally stable. I want that he didn’t have to see my body after the accident. I want my father to be gone, just gone. I don’t care where but just somewhere where he can’t hurt anybody anymore.”

Janus was about to get up. To go and hold Roman for as long as he needed, just as Patton and Virgil had done it that evening after Remus’s attempt. Bur Roman held up his hand. Janus halted and watched Roman’s lips shiver but his expression softened and his shoulders slowly growing less tense.

Then he licked his lips and said to Janus: “You said that you’d give me whatever I wanted and you can reasonably give me… So, please, let’s not – not talk about this? Let’s not make my sorrow and grief be what we remember about tonight. I don’t want them to be with me tonight, even though it’s hard for me to push these thoughts away. But maybe I can do it with your help, so… Will you help me?”

“Yes. It’s the least I can do,” Janus answered without missing a beat.

A smile curled up in the edges of Roman’s lips and Janus found himself making mental notes of all those things he had mentioned. He would bring them up when the time was right. He would see if he could help Roman with his troubles.

But now he decided to go for a different route, took another spoonful of soup and asked Roman after swallowing: “When we first met here, you said to me that this is your chance to flee from the person you had to be everywhere else. It was an intriguing answer you gave me there, you know?”

“It was?”

“Oh yes,” Janus said in a slightly playful tone. “I have rarely looked forward to see a stranger again as much as I did back then. I wanted to hear more of his dreams, more of what the mysterious stranger’s wished his life to be like.”

“If it was with his life right now,” Roman said not quite looking at Janus but at the flame of the candle, “He’d like to get to have a guest number once on Broadway, Stay, I Pray You would be nice, he’d say. He’d want to eat a good meal on most days. He’d like to see his twin happy. Really, truly happy. And he’d like to go back one last time. Just see how it is now, how the people from back then are doing.”

And then Roman looked up. The candle light illuminated him warmly and the flame danced as a reflection in his eyes.

“He’d love to know how an artist like this charming man with the black bowler hat ended up working in the pet store of his nephew.”

A laugh died in Janus’s throat as he heard that and asked Roman while raising his eyebrow: “An artist? Me?”

Roman smiled softly and tilted his head to the side.

“Yes, of course,” he insisted nonchalantly. “I know what an artist looks like. A person who lives far more for the art they create than the audience they have or don’t have. I see it when you play all those Friday nights. What you do is not a performance. What you do is art. And I want to know how that art ended up in a pet store.”

Janus looked down at his now empty bowl of soup and took the Cantonese style fried rice with duck. Personal questions were not his favourite. Quickly, he glanced up and eyed Roman for a moment. He wouldn’t force him to tell him more than he wanted. This was not information he would use against him. Frankly, Janus didn’t think that it was information that could even be used against him.

“I don’t know about being an artist,” Janus said as he watched his rice between the chop sticks, “but I definitely ended up in a pet store because of Virgil. The kid – the kid ‘s always been important to me. And I didn’t have a lot of other things to do, anyway. I had been working in Sancus’s back office after finishing college and helping around with family business after I’ve turned 23, so I didn’t really mind the change when Virgil came up with the idea three years ago. He came to me and asked if I thought that opening a pet store could work out for him. And I said yes and helped him get everything together, took a few classes with him, so we would actually know what we were doing and asked some family for helping us with a location and where to get some trustworthy suppliers and after a year we had things ready to go.”

“That’s fascinating! What was your major in college if I may ask?”

Janus delayed answering that question for a moment by eating some rice. He didn’t manage to stall long though as he felt Roman’s eyes on him and eventually explained: “Music education. Not that I ever got to use that but I was good at it.”

“Music education? Like in becoming a teacher for music?”

Janus huffed, his eyes brows slightly twitched upwards and he had to force his voice to sound evenly as he said: “Yes, I know. People don’t see me in that position.”

“Why? I’ve never seen you teach someone something but I can see you doing a good job at it! You’re a good talker, have a fantastic presence and are patient. That’s ideal for any teacher, I’d say.”

The rice fell off Janus’s chop sticks. He blinked several times. He couldn’t believe that Roman had just said that. Even more so, that Roman sounded like he believed what he had said. Nobody ever thought that he would make a good teacher even though he had always been very good with all of his nephews and nieces of all ages.

“Are you alright? You look like you just froze,” Roman asked after a few more moments of Janus not responding.

“I – You most certainly weren’t the first person to ever tell me I’d make a good teacher. Totally expected that.”

Hastily, Janus began to pick up his rice again and kept his eyes on his food. Embarrassment was not something he was used to deal with and the second he heard Roman breathe in he tensed awaiting some amused jab or light joke Janus would not be able to take at all.

“It’s okay.”

Damned be that warm voice that led Janus to glimpse up and watch Roman as he continued: “Sometimes the people you’re closest with can’t see what you really can do. They can’t see your change and growth because they see you everyday and that all. So, they miss your potential and that’s how you miss your potential as well. You’re the closest person to yourself, you even said that before, which is why you sometimes miss how hundreds of little changes became a big one and made you a new person.”

Janus raised his eyebrow a little and smirked. It was his attempt to hide the fluttering heart beating against his chest and the emotion welling up within his mind. Judging the smug smile on Roman’s face it didn’t quite work and Janus found himself not minding it all that much.

They continued eating and Roman asked Janus about what he would have liked to teach his students and how his ideal school day would look like. Answering Roman was a lot easier than Janus could ever have imagined; he was attentive, gave him all the time he needed to formulate his statements, laughed and asked questions at the perfect places. Or well, maybe it just seemed perfect to Janus because Roman was interested in what he was saying, was listening, was genuinely happy as Janus talked and Janus really liked to have somebody listening to him and enjoying the time they spent together.

Janus really liked talking with Roman. Janus liked Roman.

They had stopped eating a while ago and by now their conversation changed topics several times and Roman was now talking about a play he had been in in High School. Janus didn’t properly listen to what he was saying though. His mind was preoccupied with finding reasons to not get closer to Roman, to not reach for his right hand which rested on the table, to simply not get in a dangerous distance to his … friend.

And suddenly Janus noticed that Roman had stopped talking. A little startled he refocused and saw how Roman looked to the speakers, which were playing a rather slow instrumental piece. Right, he had changed the playlist to a slower one a while ago.

Roman’s gaze was suddenly back on Janus. He rested his elbow on the table and placed his head on top of his hand with a teasing smirk on his lips. Subconsciously Janus gulped. Suddenly he felt very hot for some reason.

“This would be good music to waltz to.”

Wait. Waltz? As in dancing?

“Of course, as in dancing. I wouldn’t want to waltz over you,” Roman said slightly laughing and sat up in his chair.

“Did I say that out loud?”

That made Roman laugh out loud and despite himself Janus chuckled as well over his own awkwardness.

But eventually Roman regained his composure and told Janus: “But now seriously; this is good music to dance to. If I may be so straight forward, despite my very much queer nature, would you be interested in a dance with me?”

Janus was not a good walker. He was no sportsman in any sense of the word either. He hadn’t mourned those facts since he was twelve years old.

“You might have forgotten, but I am not particularly good at walking.”

“And?”

Janus gaped and shook his head: “Why would you want to dance with me? I can’t dance. I never learnt it and I am not really equipped to be good at it.”

Roman tilted his head a little to the side. Then he got up from his chair and walked up to Janus’s seat. Just in front of him he put his hand next to his on the table and leaned slightly towards him.

“Who asked you to be good at it?” Roman hummed and let his finger softly tap against Janus’s. “You don’t need to be good at it and I’ll show you how. You can even take your kind, whatever makes you comfortable. We can make it work. The question is only; Do you want to dance with me?”

And despite everything, Janus did want to dance with Roman.

“I do.”

Roman’s smile grew and he stepped back to let Janus stand up. After a short moment, Janus decided to go without the cane and let Roman guide him away from the table. In a low (and awfully sensual) voice Roman told him how it worked and placed his hands above Janus’s hip and one in his hand.

 And then Roman began to lead. Stiffly Janus tried to move along, stared down to his feet. He knew the rhythm, he was good at rhythm things, and his right leg seemed to move rather easily along the music. The left one though did not cooperate. He wasn’t used to move it backwards, to the left and to the right so much. It didn’t really hurt; it was simply uncomfortable and he wanted to better for Roman. He wanted to be good for Roman.

Suddenly, Roman’s hand was gone from his shoulder and beneath his chin softly lifting it up.

Wide eyed Janus looked up as Roman said: “My eyes are up here, love. Staring at your feet won’t make you more comfortable. Just focus on me.”

“Oh, just focus on you. As if I hadn’t been doing that already,” Janus mumbled which elicited a sweet little snort from his dancing partner.

“I almost can’t believe you. I don’t feel as if I had your unshared attention, you know?”

“Oh, you do Señor Segura Reyes, you do.”

Their voices had grown low and they stood far closer to each other than the dancing required them to be. Roman could feel the buttons’ of Janus’s vest through his own pullover and already registered that his forehead would most likely bump into the rim of Janus’s hat when he got just a little bit closer.

“Your eyes are the most intense umber I’ve possibly seen in my whole life.”

“Oh? What else?” Roman whispered breathlessly.

Janus grinned and let the hand on Roman’s shoulder wander towards his neck up towards his jawline, softly stroking over the skin and saying: “I can smell your aftershave and feel the stubble under my fingers. Both very attractive indeed.”

There was an almost inaudible wince from Roman at that last statement and Janus pulled him even closer to himself.

“And then there are your lips of course,” Janus said and looked from them up to Roman’s eyes.

They were sparkling with anticipation.

“They could have my unshared attention at any moment.”

They had stopped moving. They wanted to pull closer but that wasn’t even possible anymore.

“If you want to,” Janus added with a raspy voice.

“Yes, please.”

And then they kissed.

___

Taglist

@varthandi

@sammy-is-obsessed / @exhaustedfander

@alexisrealgay

@softie-sushi

@wolfs-feder

@just-a-neoclassical-painting

@winter-jay-official

@a-ghostlight-for-roman

@mychemically-imbalanced-romance

@whattheremus

For this fanfiction:

@frawkeye

@arodynamic-enby

@espepspes

@bullet-tothefeels

@fukindork

@shadeofadye

@magic-but-its-green

@a-non-binary-pan

@simone-the-weird-person

@tlhrfanfic

[cheesy09]

Did I Find You? Kiro x MC Fanfic

This is my own variation on the events that take place in Chapter 19 of Kiro’s route. Or more like... my fantasies T_T.  Although I didn’t intend to, it came out a lot angstier than I expected so be prepared. Also, this is my first time writing fanfiction so I’m sorry if the characters end up being a little OOC. Don’t be shy to send your feedback. It would really help improve my writing.

Spoilers for Chapter 19 of the game and Kiro’s Stardust Date. If you haven’t read these two things yet than you probably won’t understand whats going on here. 

Tagging all my lovely Kiro/Helios lovers out there @kudoriee, @thatfanfictionchick, @truth-be-told-im-lying and @pickle-scribbles whose stories inspired me to start writing fanfiction. Thank you, you guys, for being so amazing! Even if I could never dream about writing smut.  

Anyway, without further ado, Enjoy!

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

“Kiro!” I shouted, bursting through the door that opened onto the roof top.

He turned, a trace of shock flashing through his clear, pure eyes, but fading just as fast.

“Miss Chips, what are you doing here--woah!”

I didn’t give him a chance to finish, grabbing his hand and dragging him back inside, my heart racing with urgency. Images from my dream flashed through my mind. The endless white, the mist, and me-- groping around like a blind man seeking desperately for his long-lost light. If I hadn’t had that dream, would I have been able to find him? I shivered involuntarily at the thought. His palm that was usually so warm, was now a stone cold, which only caused my anxiety to rise. I tightened my grip on his long, slender fingers as I continued pulling him along to the elevator.

“O-ouch, Miss Chips! You’re hurting me!” Kiro winced slightly, but that didn’t make me loosen my grip. I was much too afraid to find out what would happen if I did.

Afraid that… if I loosened them, even a bit, he would slip right through my fingers and I’d lose him forever.

“Miss Chips, where are we going?” His irresistible voice sounded in my ear, finally making me turn to look at him. His perfect eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion, forming worried lines on his glistening brow. His gorgeous, deep blue eyes that I’d constantly find myself drowning in, reflected an unusual sense of melancholy for some reason. But I couldn’t bring myself to feel sorry for him this time.

“Home.” My voice sounded a lot harsher than I’d meant it to. In all the time that I had been with him, I’d rarely ever gotten mad at Kiro. He was the warmth and light of my life. The boy whose charming, unreserved laughter could light up a whole room. Whose smile was like a beacon in the dark. Sure, there were times where I’d find myself getting annoyed when he’d take his teasing a little too far, but Kiro never got me riled up enough for me to lash out at him.

Yet this time, the stunt he’d pulled managed to push my buttons to the max. Anger boiled in me like hot magma threatening to burst out. Savin’s anxious tone and the cold, electronic voice that had rung through my ears when I had dialed Kiro’s number this morning had thrown me into a panic like I’d never felt before. It had felt like I was on the verge of losing my mind. “How could you just run off on your own like that? Savin and everyone else have been look for you, you know?!”

The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, pulling him along, my hand still clutching his own as if my very life depended on it. The elevator doors shut behind us.

I thought I wouldn’t get a reply, but after a few seconds his voice drifted through the air, carrying with it a grim heaviness I’d never heard from him before.

“I’ll explain things to Savin and the others later,” he said. “But before I do… can I ask you something?” Kiro didn’t wait for my answer and instead just tugged on my arm to make me face him. His seraphic face entered my vision, and all of my previous anger was instantly blown out of my system.

“…If I wasn’t Kiro the superstar anymore, would you still like me, Miss Chips? Would you still… think of me?”

My whole body froze as his words sunk in. This had been a question that he’d asked me countless of times… and every time, my answer was the same.

In a burst of annoyance, I brought my middle finger to his forehead and flicked it.

Kiro let out a cry of pain as he took a step back from me and rubbed the spot between his eyebrows. The wide-eyed shock and confusion with which he looked at me actually made me feel a little better about myself. Then, I caught his slightly red cheeks between my palms and brought him down to face me, pressing my forehead against his own like the way he’d do to me, those countless times in the past.

“I told you, it doesn’t matter who you are and what kind of life you have, you will always be ‘Kiro’ to me and I will always think of you,” I said firmly, hoping to brand my words and my feelings into his mind and heart.

“You...” 

I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the way his breath caught in his throat, or the way a spark of doubt flashed through his shimmering, azure eyes, but in a bold moment of impulsiveness, I lifted myself onto my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his own.

Kiro’s entire body went rigid as a tiny gasp escaped his lips, as if his mind couldn’t process what was happening at that very moment. But after a few seconds, I felt his body cave, his hands grabbing my hips and pinning me against the wall, pressing his whole body against me. One of my hands found purchase on the back of his neck while the other held on to the scarf wrapped around his neck, tugging him closer and closer, like I was trying to brand his body with my own.

His lips were as soft as I remembered them, but there was no tenderness or gentleness to this kiss. It was ravenous, desperate and stripped me of my ability to think straight. Our mouths moved against each other with an urgent need, like a dance of our own, in sync and in heat, drinking each other in.

When I felt the familiar warmth of his tongue brush against my own, I was taken back to that night of the concert, when he’d kissed me just like this and asked me to come look for him, if he ever got lost. At that time, I never really understood what he meant when he said ‘come look for me,’ but now I think I do.

Did I find you, Kiro? Was I able to bring you back?

As our lips continued to move against each other, Kiro brought up his right hand to brush against my flushed ears and I let out a soft moan into his mouth.

That seemed to bring him back to reality.

All of sudden, Kiro broke away from the kiss, his harsh, heated breaths mixing with my own. Our foreheads were still pressed together, noses brushing and chests heaving against each other. “Now do you understand?” I whispered, ghosting my lips over his, making him shiver. “No matter who you are, I will always like you.”

Kiro let out a light chuckle as he buried his face in my shoulders, his fluffy blonde hair tickling my neck. He didn’t say anything and neither did I. We were content on just holding each other, and perceiving each other’s existence through our shared body heat. But after a few minutes, Kiro’s soft voice cut through the silence.

“I’m sorry.”  

It was like a bucket of ice-cold water had been poured on me. Images flashed through my mind as I was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. I seemed to remember silver hair, a pair of gold eyes, these same familiar arms, this same broken voice, the same feelings of anguish and despair and the same sensation of tears running down my face.

Before I even had time to react, Kiro grabbed me by shoulders and pushed me back, staring at me with a determined look on his face.

Only this time, his eyes were a blazing gold.

“I command you—”

   When the elevator had finally reached the bottom, there was only one person who stepped out, while the other remained behind, the doors sliding shut on the vision of his bitter smile.

I walked out of the building in a daze, the commotion of the traffic loud in my ears. Static seemed to blanket the other parts of my memory, only one thing coming through clearly.

I hailed a taxi and told the driver the only thing that was on my mind.

“Driver, I want to go home.”

───※ ·❆· ※─── ───※ ·❆· ※───

Thank you so much for reading. If you’re interested in checking out my other works, you’ll find them in my Masterlist

[btxtreads]

📼  d r a m a  📼

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE?

↳ Pairing: Choi Soobin x Reader

↳ word count: 2.7k words

↳ rating: PG

↳ genre: fluff, yeonjun and beomgyu are headaches for taehyun and hueningkai nothing new, y/n is a nervous wreck and soobin is a big flirt

a/n: DID YOU EXPECT A WRITTEN CHAPTER? DID YOU? D I D Y O U?

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

Beomgyu’s cheerful voice sounded out through the limo as he tapped Taehyun’s arm incessantly.

“You asked that five minutes ago,” Taehyun deadpanned. “No. We’re not there yet,”

“But we’re late!”

As Beomgyu whined, Y/N checked her phone subtly.

new message from prince soobinie: i’ll see you later babe

Taehyun’s phone rang with a message, which Beomgyu promptly read out—much to Taehyun’s displeasure.

“Choi Soobin, Choi Yeonjun and Hueningkai on Sir Beomgyu’s important guest lists have arrived,” Beomgyu read out before smiling happily. “Soobinie-hyung!”

“I regret putting so much people in that list,” Taehyun groaned. “My phone has been ringing since the gala started. I don’t need to know when people arrive,”

“Choi Soobin’s there?” Y/N gulped, which made Beomgyu turn to her with an amused, mischievous expression.

“Yes?” Beomgyu grinned. “Hyung’s there.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that we’re not close with Soobin?” Taehyun chastised.

“But we could be!” Beomgyu argued.

Y/N ignored the bickering two and looked back at her text.

She didn’t really care about Soobin, the superstar.

She just wanted to see her Soobin.

Whoever it was.

“We’re here,”

Taehyun’s red hair shone brightly in front of the cameras.

Despite being Beomgyu’s secretary, everybody knew him best as Beomgyu’s best friend, which in extension, makes him one of the most eligible bachelors of the business world after Choi Beomgyu.

Choi Beomgyu, president and heir of Choi Industries, was ever the star.

His smile was blinding as he stood next to Taehyun in the red carpet, the way he carried himself further solidifying his status as the most sought-after bachelor of the business world—even if he really goofed off too much.

On the other side of Beomgyu was Y/N, ever pretty and very much alluring.

Completing the trio, Y/N’s presence outsold every single girl in the gala.

Her connection to Beomgyu was one of the reasons why she was a very famous girl when it comes to men and women in the business world looking for connections, yet her eyes danced around the area looking for someone specific.

If only she knew who to find.

“Y/N, who are you wearing today?”

“Beomgyu, over here!”

“Taehyun, give us a smile!”

Beomgyu gave them one final smile before slinging an arm around Y/N and tugging Taehyun’s blazer.

“Let’s go,”

The three walked off of the red carpet and out of the public eye, which made Beomgyu give a big breath before stretching.

In front of their eyes, the cool, attractive president of Choi Industries transformed into a whining baby.

“Facing paparazzi is so tiring, guys,” he pouted. “I deserve a nap,”

Taehyun rolled his eyes and dragged Beomgyu inside the venue, grumbling under his breath as Beomgyu whined again.

Chuckling, Y/N followed both boys in.

It was no secret she was a little bit nervous.

Even if she told both Beomgyu and Taehyun she dressed up because she knew being in the gala meant being in the eyes of the paparazzi, all three of them knew it was for the person behind the Choi Soobin account she’d been talking to.

The same Soobin who hadn’t sent any words her way after his earlier “see you later,” text.

As soon as they entered, Beomgyu gasped loudly and pointed over at a head of bright neon yellow hair by the dessert table.

“It’s Choi Yeonjun,” he gasped.

The said boy stood by the buffet table, bouncing with a macaroon in hand and his phone recording in another.

“Yeah,” Taehyun answered, nonchalantly gesturing over at the tall boy next to Yeonjun. “and that’s Hueningkai,”

Beside him stood Hueningkai, who was also bouncing in his spot as he tugged on Yeonjun’s arm and pointed at a gigantic Mollang balloon with another.

Choi Soobin was nowhere to be found.

Taehyun and Beomgyu exchanged a look and faced Y/N with teasing grins.

Y/N cleared her throat and shook her head.

“I’m not looking for Soobin,” She squeaked in a small voice.

“Oh,” Beomgyu smirked, giggling mischievously. “but we didn’t say anything about him,”

Y/N scrunched her face and opened her mouth to argue at the boy who cackled loudly, but was interrupted by Taehyun.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Touchy,” a new voice chuckled, which made Beomgyu snap his head up and Y/N turn hers.

Behind Y/N stood Jaemin, his arm around a pretty girl in a bright red dress.

The girl he cheated on Y/N on.

“Oh, Jaemin, hello,” Y/N said, her eyes wide. “I didn’t know you’d be here. Nope, definitely not,”

“You three didn’t check the guest list this time?” Jaemin asked.

Beomgyu glared at the boy, pulling Y/N to stand beside him.

“We did, we just didnt care to look for you,” he answered curtly.

“That’s so cute. Beomgyu’s business tone, I mean,” Jaemin laughed.

“Hi, Beomgyu,” Jaemin’s girlfriend said. “I’m Soo-Min. It’s so nice to finally meet you,”

“It’s Mr. Choi,” Taehyun answered. “This is the president of Choi Industries, he’s not your friend,”

Y/N smiled at her friends’ overprotectiveness, if Beomgyu’s tight grip on the back of her dress was anything to go by.

She reached her hand up to pat Beomgyu’s shoulder. “At ease, soldier,”

Beomgyu only rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Hi, nice to see you again,” Y/N nodded over at the girl and raised her eyebrows at Jaemin. “And you,”

“Hey,” Jaemin nodded with a smirk. “Soo-Min got an invite here. You know how she’s really famous. She got here all by herself, without any connections you know? She’s on a brand deal.”

“What are you trying to say, hyung?” Beomgyu asked, irritated. “I’ve got more important people to talk to, hurry it up,”

Jaemin raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, come on Gyuu. I’m Jaeminie-hyungie, remember? You don’t have to be so formal with me,”

Beomgyu’s fist curled up into a ball.

“Y/N, Beom, let’s go,” Taehyun said. “I see Mr. Kim,”

“Ah, business-like as always, Tae,” Jaemin said, patting his shoulder. “Lighten up,”

Taehyun glared at the boy and pushed his hand off his shoulder.

“Why the hostility, boys?” Jaemin asked, wrapping his arm around Soo-Min’s waist. “Is it because I broke up with Y/N?”

“The break-up isn’t the problem, it’s the reason why,” Beomgyu said through clenched teeth, his eyes wandering over to Soo-Min.

The girl only smiled.

“It’s no biggie, guys,” Jaemin shrugged. “I just don’t love Y/N anymore,”

Y/N stayed silent and bit her lip, vaguely aware of the rising tempers of the two boys beside her.

Jaemin shrugged and back-hugged Soo-Min right in front of them.

“I mean look at Soo-Min, she’s so hot and proper and pretty,” Jaemin shrugged. “But I mean, I get it. Sorry Y/N, I hope you move on soon,”

“What?” Y/N asked.

“I mean I know you’re still not over me,” Jaemin said. “But I’ve moved on, and so should you,”

Beomgyu straightened up, his glare sharpening as he spoke.

“I’m sorry, Jaemin-hyung, but I—“

“Finally found you,” A voice said, tone lilting as two arms wrapped itself around Y/N’s waist and a towering figure pressed itself against her back. “Hi, babe,”

Beomgyu and Taehyun only gaped with wide eyes as the familiar voice reached Y/N’s ears.

A voice she only heard from the television whenever Beomgyu insisted she watch Once Upon A Lovestory re-runs with him.

Y/N’s hands landed on the arms around her waist, and she turned to see Choi Soobin smiling at her with his hair falling over his face.

“You’re late,” he hummed tightening his grip on her. “Now, about those kisses you wanted saying yesterday, let me—“

“I—uh, Beomgyu! Beomgyu,” Y/N sputtered. “Beomgyu wanted to buy donuts on the way—uh, donuts.”

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu muttered under his breath, making Soobin snap back into attention.

Soobin gave both Beomgyu and Taehyun a quick smile before his gaze landed on Jaemin, his smile widening.

“Oh, hello,”

“Oh my gosh, hi,” Soo-Min gasped from beside a dumbfounded Jaemin. “I’m Soo-Min. I’m such a big fan of yours,”

Soobin only hummed, shooting her a wide smile.

Beomgyu moved to stand next to Taehyun.

Y/N shot the both of them a look of panic.

Beomgyu looked star-struck as he gazed at Soobin with starry eyes, while Taehyun only scratched his head and shrugged.

“Okay,” Y/N squeaked to herself silently, making Soobin laugh.

“You must be Jaemin, Y/N told me about you,” Soobin nodded over at Jaemin as he manoeuvred himself to stand next to Y/N, an arm around her waist to mirror Jaemin and Soo-Min.

“All good things, I hope,” Jaemin muttered to which Soobin smirked at.

“That’s pretty hard considering why you’re dating that pretty woman now, isn’t it?” Soobin asked, gesturing over to Soo-Min and giving her a smile.

He turned over to Y/N and tucked her hair behind her ear. “By the way, you look so beautiful, babe.”

“What?” Y/N blushed, making him laugh once more.

“I’m serious, I’m not lying.” Soobin smiled.

He planted a soft hiss to Y/N’s cheek, making Taehyun and Beomgyu exchange a look of surprise while Y/N just laughed nervously.

“Oh, yeah. Beautiful, thanks,” Y/N said.

“I, uh, didn’t know you were dating Choi Soobin now,” Jaemin said to Y/N, his eyes locked on the arm around her waist.

“Uh,” Y/N made a move to deny but Soobin’s hand tightened its grip on her waist.

Beomgyu and Taehyun were watching the scene intently just like you would a movie, and she could see Hueningkai and Yeonjun approach them from her position next to Soobin.

“Yes, I am,” Y/N replied, making Soobin’s shoulders relax and his eyes turn cheery.

He grinned at Jaemin. “Yes, she is,”

Yeonjun and Hueningkai stopped a few feet away from them, arguing by themselves.

“Babe, Kai and Yeonjun-hyung wanted to meet the three of you,” Soobin gestured over to the bickering duo.

“Me and Beomgyu, too?” Taehyun asked, making Soobin smile at them.

“Of course!” Soobin laughed, bowing his head over at Jaemin. “If you excuse us,”

He led Y/N away with a chuckle as Beomgyu and Taehyun followed the two bickering amongst themselves.

“I told you I’d find you yesterday, didn’t I?” Soobin teased as they reached a still-bickering Kai and Yeonjun. “Now, call me baby boy,”

Beomgyu sat beside Y/N and Soobin, cackling as he saw people slow-dancing on the dance floor.

“I can’t believe you just made your gala a high-school dance,” Taehyun gaped from his seat next to Beomgyu.

It was minutes after Yeonjun and Hueningkai met the three with Soobin before Beomgyu was called to deliver his speech for the gala, promptly ending it with an unplanned call for everybody to enjoy the night by dancing.

“I can’t believe you,” Taehyun continued muttering to himself, as Beomgyu laughed.

“The only way to avoid interaction is if you get them busy by forcing them to interact with another person,” Beomgyu hummed. “Okay, so Taehyun my plan tonight is on Kim Taehyung, did you see him anywhere?”

“That’s your current client, Beomgyu!” Taehuyn chastised.

Yeonjun gaped at the president as Hueningkai only downed his glass of grape juice with a roll of his eyes.

“Dude, I love you,” Yeonjun gasped from his chair.

“Everybody does,” Beomgyu sang, making Taehyun slam his hand on the back of his head. “Taehyunie, that hurt!”

“Do I look like I care?” Taehyun hissed, making the boy pout.

“I think I’m gonna go take more pictures with Mollang,” Hueningkai declared from his spot, standing.

“That’s beside the dessert table right?” Yeonjun asked, standing up too. “I think I’m gonna go ahead with my mukbang,”

“Hyung, you’re an embarrassment,” Hueningkai deadpanned, which made Beomgyu gasp.

“Taehyun says that to me a lot too!” Beomgyu gaped, raising his hand to high-five Yeonjun.

“That’s because you are,” Taehyun replied, shrugging.

“I think I should bring you to the kitchen instead,” Beomgyu whispered loudly to Yeonjun, making the boy widen his eyes. “Taehyun, we can make them make you cheese tteokbokki,”

“If you think that’ll make me go with you all—“ Taehyun started before Y/N shrugged.

“You’re absolutely right,” Y/N supplied as Taehyun nodded.

“Let’s go,” Taehyun said, making Hueningkai groan.

“I have to go with you guys now?” Hueningkai whined as Yeonjun dragged him behind them, marching their way to the gala’s kitchens.

Soobin and Y/N was left alone.

The soft piano from the song playing over the speakers was the only noise left from the once rowdy table.

Take my hands now,

Y/N took her champagne and downed it., making Soobin turn to her.

“So, I—uh—think I should go with them. You know, to make sure Beomgyu doesn’t make that much of a mess,” Y/N said, standing up.

Soobin reached out and grasped her hand. “I’m sorry,”

You are the cause of my euphoria.

Y/N turned to him, slowly sitting back down. “What for?”

“I think I made you a bit uncomfortable for approaching you in front of Jaemin,” Soobin said smiling sadly. “And, uh, making him think I’m dating you,”

“Honestly, no,” Y/N shook her head. “That actually saved my ass.”

“Oh,”

Close the door now,

“I’m just nervous,” Y/N said, playing with her fingers. “In front of you, I mean,”

“Oh,” Soobin repeated, his tone bright and his smile back in his eyes.

When I’m with you,

I’m in Utopia.

They were both silent, fiddling with their fingers and taking stolen glances with each other at the last note of the song faded away.

“That was a, um, pretty song,” Y/N spoke up, wincing. That was such a weird thing to say, Y/N. What were you thinking?

As Y/N internally scolded herself, the song over the speakers changed.

“Hey,” Soobin started with a smile as he heard the first beat of the next song.

He stood and offered his hand.

Take my hand,

Take a breath,

“Wanna dance?”

Pull me close,

then take one step.

“Huh?”

Keep your eyes locked on mine,

“I said, do you wanna dance?” Soobin smiled.

And let the music be your guide.

Y/N smiled softly and put her hand in his as he pulled her over to the dance floor and wrapped an arm around her waist.

Won’t you promise me

that you’ll never forget

Y/N’s hesitation led Soobin to take her hand and put it on her shoulder.

“Just,” Soobin started. “Follow me,”

Soobin slowly swayed around.

To keep dancing wherever we go next.

“Hi,” Soobin said, making Y/N chuckle.

“Hi,” Y/N hummed back.

“So, am I the Soobin you expected?” Soobin asked, tilting his head.

It’s like catching lightning,

the chances of finding someone like you.

“Not exactly,” Y/N replied, her eyes falling on the kitchen door as it opened to reveal Beomgyu and Yeonjun with desserts piled in their arms and Hueningkai and Taehyun holding tubs of tteokbokki and litre bottles of grape juice. “I, uh, didn’t expect superstar Soobin,”

“I told you I was the actor Soobin, though,”

“I never believed you,” Y/N replied, looking back at Soobin, who had a thinking face on.

“I guess I should’ve made sure you knew,” Soobin shrugged, making Y/N laugh. “Can’t take it back now,”

“It’s fine,” Y/N replied.

It’s one in a million,

the chances of feeling the way we do.

“Sorry again,” Soobin said. “For making Jaemin think I’m dating you,”

“It’s fine, he thinks I’m dating the Choi Soobin now,” Y/N said. “I levelled up in his eyes—I’m the shit.”

Soobin laughed. “I’m not that great.”

“Oh,” Y/N shook her head. “But you are,”

And with every step together,

Soobin’s hand tightened its grip on hers.

Y/N looked up in thought.

“I guess you’re like my knight in shining armor in front of Jaemin,” Y/N joked.

We just keep on getting better.

“Can I be your knight in shining armor everyday, then?” Soobin smiled, making the girl in his arms laugh and leave her head on his chest.

“You’re so corny,”

Soobin chuckled and rested his chin on the top of her head.

“So, can I?”

So, can I have this dance?

“Okay,”

Can I have this dance?

a/n: i don’t have chapter 16 made whoops

[96thdayofrage]

Baseball was warned. In a 1974 article about the lack of Black MLB managers, the Sporting News pointed to an equally pressing concern: the decline of the Black player. Editor C.C. Johnson Spink wrote that over the previous five years, there had been a significant drop in the numbers of African-American players drafted, from 40 percent to roughly 15 percent. Spink also wrote that, statistically, Black players had outperformed their White counterparts.

If Black players left baseball, he concluded, then the game would suffer.

Three years later, Atlanta Braves general manager Bill Lucas, the league’s first Black GM and also the highest ranking Black official in MLB at the time, sounded a similar alarm, telling a reporter, “I’ve noticed a decline of Black ball players drafted and being funneled into the minor leagues and a decline in the number pursuing the major leagues. It’s an indication we may be losing some good athletes to other spring sports.”

Lucas wasn’t alone. The popular Black sportswriter Doc Young wrote numerous editorials about the decline of the Black superstar. Investigative pieces in newspapers across the country highlighted the general decline of Black American players. MLB officials publicly stated there was a problem. Monte Irvin, who integrated the New York Giants in 1949 and was at that time working in the commissioner’s office, said, “Black kids are not just playing as much baseball as they used to.” His solution? Get the kids when they were young. As he put it, “in the inner cities, a kid may have baseball ability right after he gets out of grade school but doesn’t know what to do with it. We have to get scouts to dig him out, to tell him where to play.”

The numbers told the story: From 1947, the year Jackie Robinson broke into the major leagues, to 1973, the number of Black players in MLB increased. But from 1973 to 1976, Black participation dropped from 144 to 109 players, or from 24 percent to 18.2 percent of the league.

Still, Lucas seemed largely unfazed. “I don’t think it’s serious, though,” he said. “The Black ballplayer’s not becoming extinct, or anything like that.” MLB lacked urgency, too. Perhaps the sport’s leaders were blinded by the fact that, in 1977, Black superstars were still prominent. Though Henry Aaron, Willie Mays, and Jackie Robinson were gone, players such as Joe Morgan, Reggie Jackson, Willie Stargell, and an aging Lou Brock were thrilling fans. MLB had two Black MVPs in George Foster and Rod Carew; two Black Rookies of the Year in Eddie Murray and Andre Dawson; a host of rising Black talents including Dave Parker, Dave Winfield, and Willie Randolph; and a Black No. 1 draft pick in Harold Baines.

That year, the most MLB did to reconnect with Black youth was to use Jackie Robinson Week – the 30-year commemoration of his breaking the color barrier during All-Star Week – to, as Irvin put it, “make them (young Blacks) aware of Robinson’s contributions.”

That would not be enough.

At the game’s lower levels, the Black talent drain already was underway. For years, Black players had argued that teams had unwritten quotas governing how many Black players they would have on their rosters. Because of these quotas, they believed that Black players had to be great – or else they would never get a real chance to carve out playing careers. Black kids believed this, too. Gates Brown, a former Detroit Tiger who worked in the organization after his retirement, said in 1977 that when he tried to recruit Black kids, “you still get the same line: you got to be twice as good as the White kid.”

Brown had no remedy except to say, “Be tough, hang in there.”

Crucially, baseball’s scouting system had changed. According to Hall of Famer Frank Robinson, when barrier breakers like Jackie Robinson came in, most teams started to sign Black talent, believing that was the best and cheapest way to compete. A generation later, however, scouts felt that they had tapped that mine. So they stopped looking for Black gems – or even showing up at all. One Black player concluded that White scouts refused to go to the inner city and scout Black players because they were afraid. Meanwhile, Black scouts were disappearing. Of the 566 official MLB scouts in 1982, only 15 were Black. Fourteen teams did not have any full-time Black scouts. That led the great Joe Morgan to ask, “How can you expect to sign a lot of Black players if you don’t have a lot of Black scouts?”

This lack of Black scouts coincided with teams’ increasing dependency on drafting college players. From 1972 to 1982, MLB teams went from drafting 334 collegians to 615, a near reversal of numbers when compared to high school players. Pittsburgh Pirates player Bill Madlock believed that this was intentional, done because fewer Black players played in college. Purposeful or not, the change had a huge impact on the Black talent pool for two reasons. First, by the 1970s, a number of Historically Black Colleges and Universities, or HBCUs, had begun dropping baseball. As Black Sports reported in a 1971 article, these schools lacked the resources to field teams. Most did not offer scholarships. Without that, many potential players instead chose to concentrate on their books. Second, the predominantly White institutions that could offer baseball scholarships were limited to only 13 per team. As a result, a host of young Black athletes who looked to college sports for potential economic mobility saw limited chances in baseball and so tried their luck with football and basketball, "They seemed to be turned off by baseball,” said Brown, the Tigers lifer. “More concentrate on football and basketball. There's more money, and they get to the big-time quicker."

Baseball also lost Black talent because America’s structural inequalities had taken their toll on the inner city game. In the late 1970s, youth coaches noted that while the sport was doing fine in the mostly White suburbs, inner cities struggled to field teams from the Little League to high school levels. As one youth leader in Miami put it, they lacked money for league sponsorships, kids couldn’t afford equipment, and the facilities were neglected. MLB officials understood this, and, Irvin concluded, “they don’t have the wide-open spaces for baseball anymore.” But the sport didn’t do anything about it.

With MLB unwilling to truly step in, it mostly fell on individual Black players to do what they could. In the late 1980s in Los Angeles – a city that had a rich history of producing Black talent – Black stars such as Darryl Strawberry and Eric Davis saw the warning signs. They returned to practice at Harvard Park, a public gathering place in the middle of one of the most dangerous sections of the city, the type of place where you were more likely to see someone struck by a bullet than struck out by a pitch. They helped youngsters with tips and gear and otherwise remained a presence, letting Black kids know that baseball could be a future home for them, too. Soon, programs like Reviving Baseball in the Inner Cities, which is run by MLB and still exists today, would follow their lead to provide kids with opportunities to play ball.

But by then it was too late. Baseball’s failure to get out in front of the problem in the 1970s and early 1980s had real and lasting consequences. The number of Black players in MLB remained relatively stable from 1977 to 1987 – and then the well nearly dried up. Today, the number of African-American players sits at an all-time low of roughly 7 percent. If MLB wants to increase Black American participation in the game, the league will have to make massive investment in youth baseball, bring more Black decision-makers into the fold, and stop repeating the same tired lines that the game isn’t as cool or appealing as basketball and football.

Today’s baseball fans, a demographic group that itself is also shrinking, have far fewer Black stars to get excited about. Yesterday’s icons warned us this day was coming. But the league never righted the ship. And that makes it fair to ask: Even now, is the league truly dedicated to fixing this problem?

[sxfterhearts]

18. [9:15 am]

The intimidating growl of thunder caused a shiver to run up your spine, just as a blinding streak of white flashed through the grey sky. You watched helplessly as tiny droplets of rain propelled towards the ground, pulling your hood over your head to shelter you from Mother Nature’s gift, or in your case, curse, to the earth.

It was early on a particularly cloudy Saturday morning. You managed to get yourself out of the comforts of your bed and onto the streets of the nearby shopping district, all in the hopes of getting your hands on a tray of cream puffs.

The bakery that you were currently standing outside of was well-known for their delectable pastries, which explained the long queue that extended far beyond the bakery’s glass doors. Your boss treated you and your colleagues to their signature cream puffs and egg tarts last month after signing on a new client, and you were hooked on them ever since. You began your quest to taste these delicacies again but alas, to no avail, as you often worked long hours and loved sleeping in on the weekends. Every time you entered the bakery, their cream puffs were sold out.

This Saturday was an exception. A few nights ago at Jackson’s house party, your tipsy self made a commitment to meet up with a certain mutual friend of yours over breakfast. You had little to no recollection of the nights’ events as your memory always got a little hazy after one too many drinks, but Jackson reassured you that this Jaebeom guy was quite a catch, and exactly your type too.

You laughed internally at that while shuffling forwards towards the entrance as another customer was served. Jackson had been trying to set you up with his friends for the longest time, but things never really worked out well. Either Jackson was really bad at playing the role of cupid, or his friends were just completely incompatible with you.

As your feet brought you closer and closer to your own personal heaven, the sweet, delightful scent of baked goods and pastries drifted into your nostrils. Your mouth watered, and you decided that it was definitely worth waiting in the rain for these goodies. Speaking of the rain, it seemed as though Mother Nature was determined to unleash her grievances upon the helpless humans of the city. The rain, aided by strong winds, battered down onto your already-soaked body with more ferocity, rendering the little shelter you found from the bakery’s canopy useless.

Just as you were blaming yourself for forgetting to check the weather app before leaving the house, you felt the rain stop. This was odd because all around you, rainwater splashed against the wet surfaces of pavement and roads. Looking up, you spotted an umbrella over your head.

“Are you okay?” Came an unfamiliar, deep voice from behind you. You turned around to face its owner and was met with a bright, charming smile. “It’s Y/N, right? I’m Jaebeom. I saw you across the road from my store.”

You were stunned, to say the least. When Jackson tried to convince you about Jaebeom, you had never in your wildest dreams imagined him to look like this. His hair was swept off his forehead and styled up effortlessly, seemingly unaffected by the weather, and his entire outfit was black – black t-shirt under a black leather jacket and black ripped jeans. He exuded an air of masculinity.

To top it all off, he was sporting multiple piercings on the entire expanse of his two ears, and a piercing on his lower lip. His piercings brought back memories of that night – you remembered how the boy you were trying to hold an intelligent conversation about music with was constantly distracting you with the shiny jewels on his ears and the metallic sparkle of the silver ring around his lower lip. You remembered now, he practically glowed.

Jaebeom cleared his throat, trying his best to disperse the air of awkwardness brought about by your long silence as your mind raced to process the situation at hand. “Here, drink this. You’ll feel better, you must be cold.” He placed a takeaway cup in your hands, giving you an encouraging smile. From the close proximity of your bodies, you managed to discover twin moles right under his left eyebrow. How cute.

“Jaebeom, hi!” You tried your best to sound normal and not humiliate yourself any further in front of this good-looking man. “What’s this?” You asked, indicating to the cup warming you wet and cold hands.

A hand came up to rub the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. “Jackson told me you’re a coffee addict. Cappuccino, two sugars, and extra chocolate powder, am I right?”

You were impressed. Taking a sip, you pretended to mull over the coffee he ordered for you. “That is my usual order, but it seems like they forgot to add more chocolate to it.”

“Really? We could go back to the café and ask for another-”

Your lips tugged into a mischievous smile at his flustered response. “I’m just messing with you, Jaebeom. It’s the best coffee I’ve tasted since the machine in our office broke down. Thank you, honestly.” You told him, voice laced in sincerity. “How did you find me here? We weren’t supposed to meet for another half an hour or so.”

“Well, I couldn’t let you stand in the rain alone, without an umbrella. You’ll catch a cold soon if you don’t change out of your wet clothes.” Jaebeom nagged, giving your wet hoodie a distasteful look. “I actually work at the tattoo and piercing store across the road, and I recognised your pink Adidas superstars when I was opening up. I went to buy your coffee before heading over here with the umbrella, I hope you didn’t mind waiting for so long.”

At this point you were literally swooning at the guy standing before you. He had excellent taste in fashion, cool piercings and great manners. Jackson really wasn’t lying this time. “No, not at all! It’s a miracle that you appeared at all; I was about to get completely soaked by the rain. Thank you, again, really.”

Jaebeom placed a hand on your shoulder instead of replying and urged you gently forwards as the line shortened. You found yourself enjoying the warm comfort of his skin on yours. “Why don’t we get the pastries and head over to my store? I’ve got a heater in the back office and a record player. I know we initially planned on eating breakfast by the pond at the city park, but I think it’s best if we stay indoors.”

You nodded eagerly, excited by the prospect of visiting his workplace and listening to records. From the bits and pieces of your memory, you recollected that Jaebeom was a music major and had experience being a radio DJ. You were elated at this common interest, being an avid music lover yourself. Your dad owned a record player and you hadn’t seen or touched one since moving away. “Sounds like a great idea.”

Later that morning, as the two of you were in Jaebeom’s back office, safe from the rain, you couldn’t help but to think that the cream puff you were savouring tasted sweeter and more delicious than before. Perhaps this was because of Jaebeom, who was flipping through his extensive LP collection to choose which cheesy love song to play next, while munching on a bite of egg tart you fed him. You tugged at the ends of the long sleeves of Jaebeom’s hoodie, which he insisted you changed into, to cover your hands, giving yourself an adorable case of sweater paws. Your insides felt warm and cosy. Something told you that today was the start of something special with this boy.