#which sucks i dont want people to think im a proshipper

[wickjump]

i feel so bad for kids in the pr0ship "community"...i came across a cool dreamtale au the other day and at first i wanted to enjoy it.the artist is a minor who has "dr3ammar3 makes me uncomfortable dont talk to me about it" in their bio. but they have a friends tag and all their friends are adult pr0s so they still think its okay. i wish i could get them out of there.

-💻anon

oh man :( i see this shit all the time it’s. really upsetting. especially on tiktok, i block pros and i see so many with LVL13/14/15 in their bio and it makes me sick. once I saw LVL12 and it’s like. I actualyl had to put my phone down and try to calm down from an anxiety attack because those kids are in so much trouble they don’t. even realize it. and it sucks so much to see and makes me actually ill. i was once one of those kids and i almost deadass got kidnapped because of it and it makes me physically nauseous to see kids like that. they’re all victims and i hope they’ll realize that before things get worse for them.

but the pro community is manipulative. even years after exiting the community it still affects how i view things instinctively and really warped my morals before i was old enough to grasp them. this is something im really ashamed of because like. it’s weird. but instinctively i look too deeply into innocent things in shows or whatever and think of it in a ship context before realizing oh! that’s not! given whatever. it’s like years of conditioning i went through and it still affects me. if im honest i only really left when i was 16 and then was ‘neutral’ for a yearish after. i justified that content when i was eleven, it’s difficult for me to try and change that sort of coding now. im obv trying and don’t participate in any of that, it’s just. weird instinctual brain stuff. “what if [fucked up thing] happened” in my mind before i get rid of the thought.

people don’t realize how deeply it can affect you and how you respond to things. i mean, you’re a child in a fetish community (which is what it IS, fuck you). you’re going to view innocent things as sexual because that’s what everyone else is doing and saying and it’s just. eugh. that’s not even considering how my mind warped how i viewed my own assault as a child because of that. anyone who ignores people speaking out about this is just,, really weird at best. people who claim they can support proshippers while ignoring the people who were groomed and traumatized by that shit is,, really freaking gross. proshippers individually might not be satan themselves, just,, really weird, but they still participate and support a community that is actively grooming children.

having participated in the community for as long as i had has like. unfortunately really screwed me up. i know too much about the community and it literally affected how i view people irl at a terribly young age. and it hurts to think how many people in the community still are being or were groomed at some point. i got out, and i’m 19 now. the people my age who i knew and didn’t get out are now adults and part of the problem for other children. it’s a terrible cycle when you realize that.

these questions are fine, discussing the community objectively or asking questions or whatever is chill. i just don’t want to be asked if i support it given like,, everything yk? i like spreading the word about how it actually does mess up people (especially kids), just don’t want to ever have it associated with me. dunno why the prev question irked me so much, sorry ^^

ur chill!!!

[kienansidhe]

hi, im kienan! im the current host of the disaster hearts system. we are a korean american body with dissociative identity disorder and have had multiple diff hosts over the course of this blogs run. i or some variation of me have been host since around 2017-18ish. for transparencys sake, the body is 25+. do not ask abt age specifics please.

we are a survivor of csa trauma, parental abuse, religious and cult abuse, and generally very traumatized, and our experience of life is irrevocably colored by that lens.

we are disabled and unable to hold a job ever since we got long covid in april of 2020. we are fully dependent on our partners, working on our disability application, and still coming to terms with the reality of being probably permanently disabled.

unless otherwise specified it is probably some variation of kienan speaking.

-♡♡♡-

i, kienan, am queer and i prefer to be addressed by strangers with he/they/it or fae/faeself pronouns. i dont rlly care which of those you use, tho, no need to rotate or anything.

some other labels that generally describe me: nonbinary, transmasc, gnc, cuntboy, [redacted], [redacted], femme, femboy, genderweird, bi, aro/ace with a couple exceptions, sex favorable, kink obligate, freak, degenerate, pervert.

i currently have 4 partners, referred to here as prettyboyfriend, nesting boyfriend, girlfriend/daddy, and moirail.

no dni, i think theyre stupid and the only ppl i would not want to interact would not respect dnis anyways lmao. if i have a problem with you i will just say so or block you or whatever.

some of my beliefs and what to expect on this blog are under the cut.

i believe in rehabilitation and compassion, full stop. yes, even for those people. i think that othering and dehumanizing others sucks, that thoughts do not define you (yes, even those thoughts), and that the only thing that matters is your actions.

i think callouts are never helpful, ever. ive literally never seen one do anything helpful or good.

i try my best to interact with others in good faith, and i expect the same in return.

we were homeschooled in a cult and our education was heavily ~moderated~ to keep us brainwashed, and every time i think ive rooted out all the misinfo new stuff comes up. please be patient with me if i ask stupid questions, i literally am stupid. i have so much literal actual brain damage. i will do my best to be open minded, i rlly want to learn!

i believe that the best ways to combat csa are better sex education, breaking down the sanctity of the nuclear family, youth liberation (more legal rights and self advocacy for children), and not clogging child abuse report portals with fucking fictional art, jesus h christ.

medicalization of identities sucks. sysmeds, transmeds, im sorry youre miserable but thats not an excuse for trying to make everyone else miserable with you.

labels are only useful insofar as they help you connect with others like you and form solidarity in order to combat systemic oppression. if labels make you angry or miserable, consider not taking them so seriously.

its okay to just dislike ppl. its not always that deep. trying to come up with moral reasons to justify disliking ppl is rlly fucking catholic.

dont talk to me abt christianity. im aware that my trauma affects my ability to be compassionate in this area, so im staying in my lane. in fact probably dont talk to me abt religion in general.

im not a proshipper or an anti i touch grass <3, HOWEVER:

antishipping / purity politics / anti-kink / whatever you wanna call it, ppl equating fictional depictions of Obvious Bad Things with condoning, supporting, or normalizing them in real life are fucking stupid and have done unbelievable amounts of damage that has now reached far beyond fandom and kink circles. get a life, for fucks sake.

ppl who call themselves proshippers and then go around harassing antis are fucking stupid and have lost the original spirit of the term proship / anti-anti, which hinged around not harassing or harming others over fiction. get a life, for fucks sake.

just be kind. dont be a dick. treat others how you wanna be treated. we are all traumatized but thats not an excuse to be cruel. leave the world better than you found it.

youre gonna make mistakes. you just are. youre not perfect and also the world is complex. remember that you cant help everyone. try your best but dont lose yourself in the process.

art is everything. the act of creation is holy. more progress is made by creating -- building communities, making art, growing plants, building houses, building relationships -- than by tearing things down. there is probably a time and place for violence, destroying oppressive systems, bombing weapons factories, but if we arent creating a positive, healthy society alongside the destruction we are just leaving fertile ground for new oppressive structures to take root. create. create. create.

-♡♡♡-

many hosts has left a chaotic mess of tags on this blog but here are some we use pretty consistently:

#headspace: original posts. diary rambling, random thoughts, actual semi coherent opinions, anything

#my face: the body

#humans are good actually: reminders

#recovery things: mental health help

#important: there is so much stuff in this tag

#bookmark: too much here too lol

#feel better: just fluffy stuff

#vine: general funny video tag

#about, #me kin id, #i ghostwrote this post: stuff we relate to rlly hard + uquiz tags lol

#posts that are funnier when plural

[starry-sky-orchestra]

Let's make smiles bloom, anytime, everywhere! (WONDERHOY~!★)

welcome to my blog! (or welcome back if you knew me before i went by this user)

name: christy or papu either is fine

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: pansexual omniromantic

i am certified the prettiest princess in the entire world. bow down to me or else you get the guillotine grrr

-pls use tone tags when ur talking to me it makes a big big difference!!!!!

-possibly neurodivergent

-uh i apologize a lot and im really sensitive so. uh. jus like reassure me a lot ig

-if you call me a dry texter i will literally block you. /j but srsly not every1 is the best at talking..

-i have an agere blog which is basically my alt so follow that one if u want too. or not.

DNI: proshippers, anti antis(?? idk what this means but i see this in a lot of profiles), freakstarries, whatever weird pjsk fans call themselves, basic dni criteria ykyk, if u think age regression is a kink. it isn't. go fuck yoursel- if you support Sara_mjrb/lord_sara_gaming or mizumi-kagaho

social time whoohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

discord: ask in dms

youtube: pan_pan_papu

tumblr: ur here already.

wattpad: coming soon?? maybe????????

fandoms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

project sekai

danganronpa (well. barely.)

anime in general but most of the subreddits on reddit fucking suck. theyre all either weirdos or homophobic (as in, i like yuri but yaoi is EWWWWW guys cant like guys!! i wld fuck alstolfo tho)

bubble guppies

rugrats

mewkledreamy

sanrio in general

im joining a lot of fandoms every day. too many to remember

parappa the rapper

cardcaptor sakura

mario

nintendo

animal crossing

shima shima tora no shimajiro

ojamajo doremi

little witch academia

idolmaster

ummmm im hypersexual so like im more. weirder. than other people

fanfic writer. kind of. i have 200 million fankids and i will write about them ALL

i am probably the only shima shima tora no shimajiro fan ever. like im being serious its not that well known out of japan

i like karaoke!!!!!! kind of! its fun <3

also. i am being serious about potty training being my special intrest. pls dont think im weird.

if u ever wonder why all my fankids are so young/why i usually draw pjsk characters younger than they acc are then. ur reason is here.

-my art is fucking ass. like seriously its so terrible its the worst thing you have ever see

-i love emukasa (pjsk ship) like so much. LIKE SO MUCH. THEY ARE THE BEST M/F PJSK SHIP RIGHT NEXT TO RUINENE AND TOUKOHA

-speaking of, if u dont like wxs m/f or vbs m/f dni. like imagine being pressed over two teenagers kissing. that is so silly. anyways most of my ships are m/f i dont know why i have a lot of m/m and f/f ships tho. there is no way you can convince me haruka kiritani is straight she is a girl kisser. same w airi.

-mahou shoujo has my heart and soul <33

-i love ken shiraishi. whoever made an's dad design i love you so much he is such a dilf bro

-professional shitposter

-this is rlly cringe to admit. but. im one of those fictional other people ig? my f/o is arisa mochida from the hit game idolmaster cinderella girls starlight stage

anyways my tags are

fanfics - fanfics. obvi.

ok thats it idk what else to write

oh damn i made this too long. anyways. heres my carrd. it looks better on phone.

ok goodbye

[renearatman]

hi im uhhhh. ????????????

my name is IM NOT TELLING YOU but on every website on the online internet i go by renea or chrono. except for uhh some?? webbed sites i dont remember which ones

i am a they/he/it individual and i like anyone whos cringe

i draw and make music sometimes and also i write but not as often as other stuff. My art/music sideblog is @idiotscribbles. I only post finished works there or music that i gave up on, sketches will still be posted here on this account

i like a lot of media but 2 fandoms i find myself returning to are homestuck and earthbound

0/5 commission slots filled, dm for info

my askbox is always open ask me whatever

dni if you suck i dont think i need to explain what i mean by that. people on this site have brains right? but just to be clear. no child touchers or anythingphobic/racist people. i will kill you with a rock also: no lgbt discourse, no proshippers, and no nsfw accounts please.

Also if you want me to tag stuff just let me know. im a pretty friendly person despite my language.

(stamp by @tiredartistgay)

[pleasantspark]

Howdy! Im real sorry to bother you and like, feel free to ignore this or delete it if you want, but i wanted to ask somthing? I was super interested in your tf safe haven server and i don't consider myself a proshipper at ALL (and im fairly argumentative against proshippers which has gotten me on a few blocklists over the years) but i saw that you count blitzbee as a proship and i wanted to ask about that? Idk, ive seen some people say they think bee is a kid, but i just always saw him as a young adult, hsving gone through bootcamp and having a job and all that. Of course, you may mean it as in the agegap in general which i can also see being pretty uncomfortable for some. Again, i dont want to like, force you to talk sbout this and im certainly not arguing with you, i just want to know what your thoughts on this were? I think your serve sounds super cool though, even if i cant join, and im really sorry it got the initial reaction it got from proshippers.

In all honesty I don't feel comfortable as most instances of Bumblebee have him as the kid of the group a "young" scout. Besides the relationship can be quite abusive imo. Which is kind of problematic and quite triggering for me to have in my server. I've been in countless abusive relationships where the dynamic was overbalanced because the other party had a unfair advantage and I couldn't consent with my mental illness'

View this as such. Would technically BlitzBee be an appropriate ship if the two of them were older and Blitz was a autobot? Numerous times you see Bumblebee and Blitzwings relationship in the show as hostile and not friendly. The same with MegaScream (Which is why I stopped updating my MegaScream fanfiction because it was starting to make me uncomfortable.)

Do I hate proshippers and wish desth on them? No. Do I think their unpleasant to be around? Yes. But just because I don't enjoy them being on my page mean I'm an anti. I have the right to deny people access to my tumblr and server. People have no filter when it comes to my trauma.

Which brings us back to my point. If you see every other instance of Bee in the media (Minus the Bayverse and Knightverse cause it SUCKS) hes regarded as the child and youngest member of the Autobots as seen in G1, and Animated.

Although the other ones are up in the air, but mostly speaking, the huge problem all and all isn't because of the ship it's the way people portray Bee as.

They portray him as an uwu softie little boy and Blitzwing as the big bad OMG I CAN FIX him sort of deal. The issue ot brings is that Bee is portrayed as weak as a little kid which is wildly problematic and doesn't help anyone's case. Bee doesn't need anyone and should instead focus on what he needs to do as Blitzwing holds far more power over him (I Headcanon Bee as Autistic and ADHD coded). It's all my opinion and the haven server is literally dead so no point in joining anyways.

[toaster-hair]

i try my BEST not to let fandom get in my way of how i view ships bc i always see ships in a non canonical way. so if you want you can fold a ship into whatever way you want whether its aus, fix it fics, or whatever. i especially try not to let the popularity of a ship get in the way of how much i like a ship, im very fond of rarepairs and crackships but i dont consider myself someone who cant bring themselves to like popular ships or even brags about liking.. ANYTHING that isnt mainstream

but there comes a POINT where when ALL of the content you see for a character youre fond of is ABOUT A SINGLE SHIP that you start hating the ship and maybe even the other character involved. it hurts even more when its a ship you fell out of love with.

yes, im talking soudam AGAIN bc kazuichi has rotted my brain so badly that i feel like i cant even go a single day without thinking of him, AND I BARELY EVEN INTERACT W/ THE DR FANDOM ANYMORE. one of my ocs was just a genderbent au i made of him that looked distinct enough i just took it and ran. thats how bad it is. (tbh i do just like the color pink and... sharp.. teeth.. so thats probably why. hes pathetic too which just makes it x2 as good)

look, i dont think that ppl who ship soudam are inherently bad ppl. i dont really care about what ppl ship as long as theyre 1) not shipping real ppl and 2) not shoving it in other peoples faces. and i dont see any soudam shippers directly doing that. i was a soudam shipper, and honestly, i can see why ppl ship it. its an interesting dynamic.

bbbutt.. i dont ship it!  i personally dont care for it anymore, or even just general dr stuff. i should probably get into dr stuff more sense i feel like other than skullgirls and cookie run, im a bit lost when it comes to fandoms nowadays. but i still really like kazuichi and, by extension, sonia and their ship sounia. so every now and then i look for content abt them whether its for comfort or horniness, or just bc i want to. and a big theme i see is soudam. everywhere. its not unbareable especially on a site like tumblr where i can block certain tags and words. but even with that blocking, soudam can still clog it up meaning its harder for me to find content i like.

its even worse when some of that content is intentionally made to spam tags. an example would be what happened on instagram a while back, im not sure if that many other people noticed it, where ppl would spam dr ship tags with things such as “hey ur ship sucks xoxo”, feet, and in the worst case scenario, gore and self harm.

its even worse (take a sip everytime i say that) when you bring in stuff like antis and proshippers which, IS A CAN OF WORMS I DO NOT WANT TO GO INTO. i dont use either label, i hate antis but i really fucking hate proshippers. which is why i dont like ppl labeling all sounia shippers as proshippers because.. no. no i am not. you cant dictate what side someone is on in a silly shipping war based of a single thing they like. i know damn well there are sounia shippers who are proship, anti, somewhere in the middle, and the same can be said abt soudam shippers. which is why i hate how soudam shippers are seen as morally good and sounia shippers are seen as gross. i just wanna see some pathetic lil guy try and fail to woo a girl, i dont wanna argue about what ship is superior. neither are illegal, so they are both equal.  

in conclusion; there are and will be a lot of soudam shippers. i dont care. i just want to be left alone, but soudam is hard to ignore. dont try to call any soudam shippers poopyheads, lets all just try to be nice and respect one another. sorry if this seems like a hate rant, because it is. i am frustrated. didnt mean for this to become an 8 paragraph essay, but thats just what happened. 

[gringolet]

that italian?

okay okay okay i think it happened long enough ago that i can dish about the drama. she changed her url and im not including it anyway so its fine.

prepare for a fuckin. essay in responss to a TWO WORD ask but anyay

so once upon time there was an italian who hated children and loved reylo. she also hung out in the arthuriana tag and got a bunch of asks about it. so one day some poor anon comes in and asks if she has any trans headcanons for arthurian characters, and she, instead of being a normal person and saying like, no, she goes off about how trans characters in fanfic is forced representation and she cant talk about trans people bc surgery is triggering for her.

found this in the archives lol. so i rbd politely explaining that while it was fine to not have trans hcs, her justifications for it were a little offensive.

hey i dont want to start discourse or anything but i see ur asks in the tag a lot and i wanted to politely address this. firstly obviously no one is under any obligation to hc things, and headcanons and fandom is not activism. if you’d just said “no, not really” it would b fine. i mean, cringe of u, but fine. but u make a couple of points here i want to look at a bit critically. then there is “I don’t like when headcanons are pushed up as ~representation, especially when… Ehm, it’s just fandom stuff?” i dont want to misinterpret you or put words in your mouth, but the implication that theres no need for trans rep in fandom and dismissal of that is a very cis take. My initial read of your intention there was a complaint of ‘why should something like fandom spaces, which are for fun and not serious, be filled with non fun serious (bad) trans stuff that i have to see when im trying to enjoy myself.’ now that could be incorrect, you were a bit vague here. if that is what you meant, i think you maybe should examine why you feel that way. if it isnt, im unclear on what exactly youre trying to say here. the idea that trans hcs are performative wokeness and “representation” in fandom is completely ignoring the actual trans people making and wanting them. there is so vanishingly little representation of trans people in actual media and even less thats good, and i think implying trans hcs are being pushed on people and fandom for, ~representation (a world of meaning in the ~ i shant speculate on) is very dismissive and ignorant of that fact. honestly the main thing im troubled by is the idea that trans bodies are inherently disgusting and triggering, which is an incredibly harmful and hurtful idea, and since you yourself acknowledge that trans people and hcs dont predicate surgery i question why you bring it up, except as a justification for disconfort rooted in unexamined prejudice. im not accusing you of being a terf or anything, i dont believe you meant harm by this or have bad intentions, and im definitely not saying anyone has to hc anything. it was the uncomfronted insidiousness of your justification that concerned me. this is not a personal attack at all, you just have a lot of influence in this fandom space and i wanted to make you aware of some of the surely accidentally harmful things ur saying.

so she flips out and rbs that yelling at me and cursing me out in italian (she moved blogs so i dont have her whole response just bits)

basically she completely derailed the original topic and accused me of calling her a horrible person for her triggers? which i never did and would never do, and then tried to make it a wierd anti v proshipper thing

third: I never said there’s no need of trans hcs in fandoms, BUT I’ve noticed that there’s a tendency of condemning people on the basis of what they ship / the dynamics they write. ( like the infinite discourse about how ‘I ship only mlm enemies to lovers because f/m enemies to lovers are Inherently Bad and Abusive - something I personally heard on Twitter sigh ), so I feel the need to say it. blame the current fandom climate.

and were like wow, this lady is unhinged, so we look around her blog and find a. a lot of stuff like saying its racist to not like incest?? and that italians arent white?? also shes a swerf?? and kind of deniel italian colonialsm? and reblogs from a bunch of out and out terfs} there was more but this isnt a callout post lol.

valentine lanzelet made a post about this crazy italian we found and she flipped out on him (this is one of several cursey italian tag rants)

roughly means: GO SHIT YOURSELF (italian alternative to go fuck you), RACIST TERF IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER IN A WHEELBARROW (italian saying which does not translate well) AND WHAT HAS ITALIAN COLONIALISM TO DO WITH THIS YOU UGLY SHIT, and anyways lancelot sucks

(translated by claudio beheaded)

anyway so then. and this is when it gets unhinged. she goes on this server me and a lot of my mutuals n friends r in, camelot, and starts complaining about me.

(in red is the server admin, who was lovely) i asked her to move this convo to dms if she must bc it was rude to bring drama into the server, and she refused, and started insisting that she was being bullied and just wanted to be left alone, so i was like okay lets all block each other and move on, and she refused, continuing to defend everything she was being criticized for

they also said claudio was making them look bad by translating their rants which like... queen if that made them look bad they were already a bad look.

so she keeps pinging people and replying to shit despite everyone else at this point begging her to just drop it and call it a stalemate

imagine this but around n around for like an hour. also she repeatedly got me and valentine confused it was super funny. also she claimed it was an invasion of her privacy for valentine to go on her public blog and look at the things she openly said and rbd there

so the server got put in slow mode and she KEPT GOING even though everyone was just begging her to stop and not even responding

as u can see, around this point we just started spamming her with emoji reactions. she announced she was leaving then went back to arguing a full three times before finally dipping from the server

then she continued complaining about us and calling us puriteens in her tags (trying to make it a proshipper v anti thing i guess lol?)

for literally months before finally remaking. also in that time she got in an argument about how the crusades were fine actually. italianphobia works hard but she works harder i guess

anyway i prolly left out a lot but thats the italian saga