#while you were in your moody goth phase

[corvidiss]

just watched episode six and oh my god i get what y'all were talking about regarding Dream and Hob now. holy shit

[spook-is-spooked]

Lisa Frankenstein Theories (spoilers kinda)

@lifelessstar

I'm making this a post because my response is way to long. This is gonna be all over the place but bear with me I have a lot of thoughts

I really like your theory about the shirts, and I do agree that Lisa probably does have resentment towards her father for the situation but personally I think the resentment is more in the context of hating him for not being there when it happened, for remarrying so fast, for moving her away from her home and school, for neglecting her emotionally and not supporting her, for favoring his new step daughter over her while she's dealing with all of this, etc. I don't think its to imply that the actual murder itself is his fault or that he did it but rather Lisa's inability to move on is his fault. I do think the clothing is a very very important part of this film but in a slightly different way. In the scene where we see the killer, he's wearing a very dark sweater with some light patches, which I feel like just match the aesthetic of the bride of Frankenstein mask. Overall, his outfit is very dark and moody which is a harsh contrast from Lisa and her mom in this scene. We see them wearing very bright, light, colorful clothing which goes hand in hand with how we see Lisa being happy and playful and laughing and talking with her mom. Lisa obviously was much more healthy and well adjusted and had a much easier time connecting with people before this happened. In the rest of the movie, we see the dad, Taffy, Janet, and most of the town dressed in very bright and colorful, for lack of a better term "normal" clothing. As well as the entire house is ridiculously colorful and bright, bordering on a Lisa Frank sticker pack.

I think this bright colorful aesthetic all around her and her dad being a part of it is symbolism for how they want Lisa to be a happy, bubbly, regular girl and completely move on and forget her trauma. She isn't given any opportunity to process her trauma, talk about it, feel it, etc. She's expected to get over it and go back to being completely normal. I think this is why she's drawn to Michael Trent, him and his friend (the other goth girl who's name I forgot) are the only people in the town who aren't phased by her differences and he shows some interest even in her weird dark moodiness. Throughout the movie, we obviously see Lisa's style choices become darker and moodier, creeping closer and closer to the aesthetic of the killer rather than the family and the town. One detail I really love is how the Creature actually encourages her to wear the darker outfits and absolutely adores every aspect of her, dark or light. I think Lisa's change in aesthetic is to show how not being able to process her trauma cause her to internalize it and become it. The clothing is a part of her becoming the axe murder. I think a big theme of this movie is that when trauma and abuse aren't processed it turns into a cycle instead. I've seen a lot of people say that we see Lisa become herself when she meets the Creature and starts dressing and acting differently, and in a way I think she does, but not her old self like everyone wants her to be. It's too late for her to ever get back there. Like she says "time is the thing that takes you further away from the place where you were happy". The opportunity to heal properly was taken from her. But she is able to find a new self and that new self is built out of her trauma. The Creature sees her for her, wounds and broken bits included and loves every part of her and listens to her and doesn't try to stop her from being dark and crazy he just lets her exist and absolutely adores her and so much of their love story, for me, revolves around him being the one person who lets her just exist and doesn't expect anything from her. This part might be a little bit of a reach but I think the name of the movie and the wax rubbing she does on the grave is another symbol of this whole thing. The name is a play on "Lisa Frank", representing the bright colorful neon vibe that they want her to be a part of but it ends with "enstein", almost mocking the first part like "she's Lisa Frank...enstein." She'll never be what they expect of her because there's this trauma following her around. In the scene, you can even see the two parts of the name are separated and she's adding on the enstein part to hint at this in a foreshadowing way.

I feel like I explained all this terribly but long story short Lisa dark and moody because she is trauma/axe murder now, town and house and family bright and colorful because they're SO normal and want her to be normal like them, dad bright and colorful because he is part of problem

so shirt colors = dad bad but for.. other reasons???

[melodythebunny]

Time to ramble about your OCs. Any OCs you have, tell us about them? What's lore do you wish to tell of them? Funniest things about your OCs? What inspired your OCs?

I wanna ramble about my original work ocs... Bc its been a while since i talked/thought about them. Let alone drawn any of them.

So ill answer this with my original characters if that alright

👉👈

i have a bunch of ocs. Many are still in drafts cuz ive been busy with fan works. But i have two to 3 series one i am trying to turn into an animation series (@the-mis-adventurers ) and another that is gonna be a collab comic series with @strawberry-mangoprincess (she's more active one her Insta compared to me lol) one is just merely a fun concept i think about every now and then.

Overall my ocs are inspired by other fictional characters. mainly from whatever media i consume and enjoy.

Starting with the concept one.

I only have two ocs made for it so far. Ember and Crystal. They are sisters with fire and ice elemental powers hence their names. Ember like fire embers and crystal like ice Crystals. Orphans dunno who there parents were. Not clear if their powers ran in the family/curse/etc.

Ember always had trouble controlling her powers especially with having a fiery temper. She's the more friendlier sibling however. Crystal despises her ice powers. She has an easier time hiding them so she can blend in with normal people. (I gotta draw them again sometime)

Crystal doesnt hate her sister but isn't close to her either. Feeling the need to take care of her since she's the last of kin.

And now for my (slightly) more thought out ocs from my wip series, the misadventurers

In a nutshell i want this series to be about the power of friendship (i blame my mlp phase for this-)

There's four main characters. All girls bc why not?

Their names are mink, jing, Raine and jennifer.

Mink is the more calm and responsible one out of her friends. Mom friend type. Her hair was actually blonde but turned pink to unknown reasons. (I took inspiration from lofi music when creating her) She proudly owns a pet turtle named fern. Will kick butt if her friends are hurt.

Jing is a goth who enjoys making music. she plans on startd her own band someday. (Eventually she does with her friends. Its called rock n pop. Pending title for now) has a rivalry with another oc of mines, Lillian. Loves to scare the others with pranks and horror movies.

Raine is the artist of the group. She tends to break the fourth wall whenever she wants. Also whatever she draws with her paint brush becomes real. her name is also a pun. Raine strom. (You can see her on my tumblr header harassing my old sona) Very zany in a good way. Has a crush on a dense boi*

Jennifer is a social butterfly. Heart's too big for her sleeve. Pacifist. Tends to let wild animals in the house. And thats how she got a pet goat who may or may not actually be one. Her mother wishes she'd be more responsible.

Now for some reccuring characters-

Lillian - famous star, used to be childhood friends with jing. And now they hate eachothers guts. Primadonna gurrrrllll. All she ever wanted was the worrrrldddd(Took alot of inspiration from the song for her) is an attention hog and will do anything to be popular.

*Milo - Also known as peppermint boi/j. But seriously look at his color pallet-. He does enjoy mints and always passing one out to people. Very dense and doesn't get when he is getting on someone nerves. Just as zany as raine. Uber positive. Don't let him get too excited tho. Cuz he'll LITERALLY explode.

Cole - college drop out. Wonders why the haystack milo and raine won't leave him be. Also tends to be their third wheel on their 'not' dates. He hates it. Very moody. Legend has it he's never laughed or smiled before.

Derek - just some rich dude. Comes up with so many back stories like Horst from ratatouille so its hard to tell which is fake and what is real. Tries really hard for Jennifer to fall for him but doesn't work out.

I already rambled to you about max and min. Buttt I can tell you a it more about them at least about their absent/missing parents

Thymes (pronounced Times) and Divid are the twins and Equan’s Parents.

They are both scientists who worked for [REDACTED]. Thymes and Divid were both pretty much crazy but in a ‘not so dangerous’ type of way.  always ready to invent stuff even if it held no actual purpose.

It did concern them greatly when Equan started going through a Frankenstein phase. At least they assumed it was. Probably didn’t help much they were pretty much working even at home leaving their kids pretty much unattended(And boy oh boy did they learn…)

And sadly disappeared due to unknown circumstances.

[justafairytailofinnocence]

Hello! I love your blog and was wondering if I could have a romantic marvel and dc matchup, please? My pronouns are he/they and I am attracted to men!

Appearance: I’m 5’8 with shoulder-length dark brown hair. I have a mole above my left eyebrow and a scar above my right eyebrow and some other minor scars on other parts of my body. I’ve been told I have a nice jawline? I often wear makeup and paint my nails, and I’m not afraid to wear a pair of heels if the outfit calls for it. I can describe my style of dress somewhere between a punk older brother and an ornate goth professor. I really do dress for myself and my tastes, so I don’t care if my outfits are unconventional or turn heads.

Personality: Fundamentally I am passionate, clever, and analytical. In conversation, I am often teasing and sarcastic; I really love to discuss people's opinions and outlooks on life and seldom do I shy away from a friendly debate. I am quite hardworking, and I often feel like I am not doing enough to meet my goals or support my loved ones. I’ve been told that I am intelligent and charismatic, but also enigmatic and blunt, unfortunately. At my worst, I can be moody and withdrawn; I have a terrible habit of keeping those dearest to me at a distance when I am feeling sad. I am prone to nightmares of past events, but I think my difficult lived experience makes me pretty empathetic and allows me to care for other people.

Hobbies: I love to read, journal, listen to music (lots of indie, rock, and punk specifically), lift weights, learn/study, and collect records and CDs.

I express my love through words of affirmation and gift-giving, but I really like to receive physical touch!

Hello dear💖, thanks for your request.

For marvel I ship you with:

Loki 🐍

and

Bucky🐺

I picture you to be related to Natasha, this means you know how to dress in style while being a fabulous fighter.

you have a way to get inside peoples heads, hence why Loki is attracted to you.

You were in the office one day in the helecarrier when a mysterious voice can be heard. It turned out to be the god of mischief himself which was a surprise.

You were rather close to Bucky since you and Natasha were both assassins'.

Bucky gained feelings for you after, it was rather rare since he often only courted girls for fun but never for love which is what he feels for you.

Loki would probably try to kidnap you and bring you to his dimension.

Bucky would be rather warmer towards you while loki is more sly.

Your relationship with bucky would be one of warmth and serenity.

Your relationship with loki is rather passionate and fiery.

If you were to marry bucky all his friends would join and you would probably live on the country side.

If you were to get with Loki, you would live in his dimension and be a powerful king.

For Dc I ship you with:

Night wing🎗

He became nightwing after batman so you would've been batman's assistant.

I would see the two of you growing together, you were rather great with guns and explosives.

The development would be something worthwhile, you would have your first kiss in the dead of night.

I would see it as a power couple and you having probably tamed the man.

You would be kidnapped or get in trouble at the worst of times however nightwing would try to save you.

I can see the two of you getting married after his hero phase. You would probably live a peaceful life.

anyways that's all I have for now:

Ta Ta✨

[darknightsandfairylights]

Self care for three people in one...?

I know a lot of people suffer with taking care of themselves. In a world where anything you do purely for your own benefit is labeled “selfish”, where society and parents teach us that if we didn’t have it the worst, then we didn’t have it bad, and there’s always someone else we can help before ourselves - it’s hard to sit and think “What do I need?” and then truly fulfill that.

I started learning how, a few years ago - when I first heard the words “self care.” But society seems to have a very narrow view of what counts as “self care.” Pull up any article on Google and you’ll get the same bits of advice. “Take a hot scented bath.” “Turn off the phone.” “Take a walk.” “Light a candle.” “Snuggle a puppy.” All of these are still valid, and all of them have worked for me at one point or another. But for a lot of people with CPTSD, we need to add another, deeper level to self care. We need to cater to “multiple people.”

“But it’s SELF care”, you might say. Well, these “multiple people” aren’t actually separate; they’re all a part of you. So who are they?

1. The inner child. (S)he still exists as part of your personality for one very powerful reason: that the trauma causing CPTSD occurred (in most cases) during childhood. There is that part of you hanging on to your childhood because you never got to experience a normal childhood, and still want to; and there is a part of you stuck in childhood out of the fears that it brought, the yelling or violence or quiet, passive abandonment that left you alone with no one to comfort you.

2. The inner adult. (S)he is trying their best to deal with adult life as it comes, working a job or going to school, maintaining relationships, existing as a functional person. And this doesn’t apply only to CPTSD survivors over 18 or 21 years old - a lot of times CPTSD makes you grow up too fast. I think I had at least the beginnings of an “inner adult” by the ripe old age of... 6 years old? Maybe? And some people start even younger.

3. The inner pubescent teen. Not all of the hormonal / moody / sexual aspects, but rather the phase you’re expected to go through, that transitions you from a child into an adult. Some “adult” things you learned too early, got you labeled “the mature one” and denied you connecting with your peers learning these things for the first time. Other things you may have been denied learning at all (like controlling parents insisting on checking homework / inserting themselves into studying, so you didn’t learn the time management / prioritization skills that your peers were starting to learn).

And again, all of these can exist no matter your age. To different degrees, certainly, but still there. By the age of 11 or 12 I already had the inner child, regretful and fearful; I was being given too much “responsibility” by my parents, turning me into the effective “adult” who had to control how I reacted or how I treated them, while they could do whatever they want and throw tantrums with no repercussions; and I was already starting to disconnect from my peers because they were starting their normal teenage years, and I was at the same time too childish and too mature to join in.

With this in mind, especially while we’re all facing a global pandemic, a new temporary not-quite-normal, and many of us are either stuck with traumatic people or separated from our anchors - please keep these in mind when looking for self-care. Some nights your inner child might need a bit more care. Whatever brings him or her joy - a video game, coloring, your favorite childhood movie - indulge that child. Make him/her feel loved and safe.

Some nights your adult might need some care. Take the time to do whatever brings peace to the inner adult - be it cooking a hot meal, cleaning the bathroom, or lighting a candle and reading a book.

And some days your inner teen might be at the forefront. Be safe, of course, but let it do something stupid, or silly. Let it get all of those teenage rebellions, or weird fads you never got to try, satisfied. Find your blackest clothes and do a goth makeup/nail look. Start a Tiktok and record yourself doing stupid videos. If you’re older, do something you would’ve done during your teenage years. Listen to guilty pleasure music from your 90s teen years. Tease your hair into a fun 80s hairstyle. Wear bell bottoms. Spend the entire night listening to all the old records your parents used to bitch about. Whatever brings you comfort, even if it’s not traditional “self care” - it’s worth it.

Stay safe, take care of yourself, and tell yourself you love them.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Evanescence's Amy Lee Talks Musical Evolution, Growing Up & Life Under Quarantine

The frontwoman opens up to the Recording Academy about the hard-rock mainstays' forthcoming album, 'The Bitter Truth' and its lead single, "Wasted On You"

The current coronavirus quarantine has turned out to be a mixed blessing for Evanescence leader and singer Amy Lee. While she is elated about the new music her band is producing for their first album in nearly nine years, they have to figure out how to finish the project being apart. They also had to postpone touring Europe with Within Temptation and cannot interract with their fans anytime soon. That feels ironic given the anticipation for their new release. At least Lee did not have to face being separated so soon from her five-year-old son Jack and explain why his mother had to go away on tour, and she got to jam virtually with Lzzy Hale on the Halestorm song "Break In." At the same time, Lee admits, her immediate family members are driving each other a little bit crazy. That's to be expected.

Lee and her bandmates have been adjusting to the circumstances. They decided to change the choice for the lead single off of their forthcoming album The Bitter Truth by swapping it out for the song "Wasted On You." Thematically, however unintentionally, it feels like now and features all five band members in their own homes engaging in various activities from contemplation to playing music. The video is very fitting for a band whose singer frequently channels inner emotional turmoil that people struggle with alone. Thus the clip feels like a natural extension of their work.

"Yeah, this is the place I always put myself in," concurs Lee, speaking on the phone to the Recording Academy from her home in Nashville, which fans are seeing for the first time through that video.

"Most of us in the band are very private," notes Lee. "Showing my home is a big deal for me. Just being our real selves without makeup, just living in real life, not acting. What's powerful about that is that everybody around the world is doing the same thing. The idea behind it was to show that at our core we're all still connected even though we're not physically together."

When she saw the first edit of the clip from director P.R. Brown, whom she praises highly, it made her feel very connected to her band. "I missed them," admits Lee. "I pulled the trick on myself, feeling all these emotions about being close to you guys and how we're going through the same stuff. I guess it was going to be effective because it totally worked on me."

Given how depressing life feels for many people right now, Lee believes that new music is extremely necessary, and there are new Evanescence songs still in the making. The Bitter Truth is not actually finished yet, and Lee is not sure how many songs will make up its entirety. Individual tracks will just be released when they are and eventually be collected as a cohesive whole.

"I like living in the moment, and I don't have it all planned out," says Lee. "And that's beautiful. We always wanted to do it this way. It's lucky because we got to continue down our path. We went in for the first batch of songs with Nick Raskulinecz in the beginning of February. We have that batch, but I'm not sure exactly when we're all going to be able to get back together again since we live all over the world. Jen's in Germany. But whether we're going to have to do some things remotely, we still have to get together to some degree."

Usually, the band records new music and it takes a year or so for it to reach the public's ears. They started working on "Wasted On You," a break-up song of sorts about freeing oneself from routine and toxic patterns, the day before New Year's. Sharing it with fans and getting feedback so soon after it was completed feels like a gift of instant gratification that they find special and rare.

Naturally, many fans have been anxious for a new Evanescence album, but they have continued to snap up concert tickets and have remained loyal throughout the near decade-long duration. "It's not like they got pissed off and left," remarks Lee. "They still want it whenever it's going to come, and that's a huge gift. Especially now. There's just so much music out there that you can only find if you're searching for it."

Lee has continued making new music over the last nine years. Following her emancipation from her previous label Wind-up Records in 2014, she jumped into many new projects. The first was the Aftermath album that served as the soundtrack to the movie War Story starring Catherine Keener as a war zone photojournalist. That was done in collaboration with cellist Dave Eggar, who also worked with her and producer/composer/drummer Chuck Palmer on music for the 2015 short film Indigo Grey: The Passage by Irish/hip-hop dance troupe Hammerstep. The musical trio further collaborated on scores for the documentary short I Am Her (2016) and the feature film Blind (2017). In 2016, inspired by the birth of her son two years earlier, Lee did an album of children's music songs entitled Dream Too Much.

Such diversity should not be surprising considering that at the core of Evanescence swirl goth, metal, and pop sounds that commune without overriding each other. This makes the band less easy to tag and simply reflects Lee's diverse musical tastes. Last year, they released a cover of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain."

"I like a lot of pop music," says Lee. "I like a lot of dark, trippy, trap-pop weirdness. Even if that just comes out in the way that I'm crafting a melody, it's there for me enough that I feel it in the way that I want to feel it. Then all those other elements that play a role, like cool guitar riffs and things from other genres, it's when it all blends together that it really sounds right. That's a picture of who we are."

While she knows people certainly expected certain new music from her, Lee has needed to scratch that creative itch that led her to such outside explorations. She felt that denying herself these opportunities would make her feel like she was not being true to herself, even though her fans craved a new Evanescence album. Lee felt compelled to work on that "weird song idea" or collaboration with a cellist. "If I don't let myself do it, then I get frustrated," she concedes. "There was something else I needed to get off my chest first."

The singer and pianist mentions that when she was pregnant, she thought her mom phase would outweigh work, but her need to create only got stronger because it was such an emotional time for her.

"Up until the week before Jack was born, I was working on that Aftermath album which was so great because it was moody and weird and creative, and it didn't all rely on the same old tricks," recalls Lee. "A lot of it was instrumental. People want me to sing a ballad. I actually wanted to play the piano live with Dave [Eggar] and write as we play and record that, then create the song that's totally weird, electronic, Africa-inspired. There's all kinds of weird stuff on there."

Ten months after Jack was born, a lot of emotions were welling up inside of Lee, which naturally led to Dream Too Much. "I just felt like I had a whole new chamber of my heart that started up that I didn't know about before, and I needed to express it," she elaborates. "Weirdly, becoming a mom made me need to create a lot more. There hadn't been an all original Evanescence album until now, but it's just been everything else." She chose to jump onto all of those "someday, I want to do..." projects.

When Lee did return to making music with her main project, it was for 2017's Synthesis album featuring Evanescence songs reworked with a full orchestra and electronic music elements along with two new songs and three instrumentals. She notes that many people thought that that release was a clue as to where the band's music was heading, but in fact, it was the opposite.

"Because we got to do that very different thing, I felt so motivated and inspired to run the other direction and really dive headfirst into the rock part of our music and our current sound as a band," says Lee. "I think allowing yourself to do all the things that your heart wants to do as an artist is just healthy. It's not like there won't be more fuel inside you that's going to want to create more the next day."

The long break between albums certainly helped feed her fire for the band. Further, Lee's artistic life has been augmented lately by two special musicians. The first is aforementioned cellist Eggar, whose resume includes The Who, Josh Groban, Beyoncé, Carly Simon, Bon Jovi and Manhattan Transfer, has been a great collaborator for her.

"He's just got such a bright energy and is so encouraging but also really, really talented," enthuses Lee. "He pushes me to the next level without it being painful, if that makes sense. We were talking about wanting to make a documentary of his life because you just sit down and listen to him talk about stuff like living on a beach in the south of France and playing a million dollar cello."

On the recommendation of Eggar, Evanescence guitarist Jen Majura came into the fold back in 2015 following the departure of longtime member and songwriting collaborator Terry Balsamo. She is the other key player.

"What I've learned over the years is the harder thing about finding a person that's going to be in your band family is the way they fit as a person," explains Lee. "There are a lot of people that can play amazingly, and Jen is a great musician, but for somebody to really fit into your family dynamic is hard. I called her and flew her to New York, and we just spent time together. We went to guitar shops, went to lunch, got drunk, and had conversations about music and jammed a little bit. But mostly it was just becoming friends, and it happened really quickly. It just felt right. We knew that. I knew that I liked her, and I could see things in her that reminded me a little bit of myself. It's been really nice to have such a cool jolt of positive energy that she inserted when we needed it a lot. Now we can also have background vocals. We've never been able to have that before with me being the only girl, and I wanted it to be a female voice."

Circling back to the new song "Wasted On You," there is reference to being "six feet low" that reminds one that on first two Evanescence studio albums there was one song apiece that referenced Lee's late sister, who passed away at the age of three when the singer was six. It turns out that Lee recently lost her younger brother, who died at the age of 24.

"It's really hard," says Lee, turning somber for a few moments. "This has been a crazy time, the last few years. A lot has happened to us within the band. Since the last album, there's a lot to say. We are still who we are, but there have been things that have caused us to change our perspective, and the way that we see the world, the way that we see other people, and the way that we think because of the losses that we've suffered. I'm speaking in plural because our bass player Tim just lost his stepdaughter."

Lee adds that this has been a time during which, in so many ways, she had to grow up and didn't want to. "I just want to be a kid again," she concedes. "I just want to be a kid with my siblings and my mom and dad, and somebody else I know at the end of the day is going to take care of it. Somebody else is going to be the dad, somebody else is going to be in charge. It's a really shitty thing that when you grow up, you have to be the one who does that. You have to be the one to make everybody else feel okay. And sometimes it's not okay. That's the bitter truth."

This moment dovetails into the Recording Academy's recent conversation with Tori Amos about how one does not really understand another's pain unless they have experienced it personally. And a person does not need well-meaning but cliched platitudes from others to deal with pain. They just need to process it in their own way.

"That's a huge part of this band and making music for me from day one," declares Lee. "I just need to process the fact that I hurt right now, and not say, 'But it's gonna be okay.' I still have hope after all, but I think it's important sometimes just to say, 'Hey, I hurt' and let that be the message because other people are hurting too. Instead of being fixed immediately, we need to process our pain, we need to feel the pain. It's important. It's part of what is eventually going to let you get through it. The only way out is through."

That concept might seem anathema to many people caught up in a social media and mass media world where everyone wants to put on a happy face and does not admit to feeling wounded or defeated.

"Right, we don't show the pictures," acknowledges Lee. "I don't Instagram when I'm having a horrible day. We're just showing little clips of life when something was awesome, so when you look through that window into somebody's life you're not getting the full picture. You're just getting the highlight reel. That isn't real."

Funnily enough, the music and videos of Evanescence represent the opposite aesthetic. They show when they are not having a good day.

"That's true," concurs Lee, laughing out loud. "You just listen to my album, and you hear how horrible everything is."

At least that emotional sincerity has allowed her to produce some timeless tunes, with more on the way.

[ifeveristoday]

Buffy Summers’s Diary (XI)

Kendra Young<kendra.young@youngmagazine.com>

To Buffy

Interesting – I’d like to find out more about this group. Sounds like they’re doing great work. Take Rona and Chloe with you on site, make sure you interview the founder and survivors as well.

 After Kendra gave the go-ahead, her assistant Rona and one of the magazine’s photographers Chloe carpooled with me to the shelter.

‘I read about this cult,’ Chloe said. ‘Nemo. The leader was arrested earlier this month.’

‘Nemo? Like the fish?’ Rona’s gaze never left her phone.

‘No, like Latin for none. Apparently, everyone gave up their name and said they were no one. There was a lot of brainwashing going on, but that’s normal for a cult.’

‘I bet he didn’t give up his name. Creepy ass dude.’ Rona gazed out the window. ‘So why did he start it?’

‘The usual reasons why people start cults. Paranoia and power. He kept on ranting about how there was a higher plane waiting for them, and that they had to leave their earthly shell. And conveniently, their belongings and money too. All for the good of Nemo.’

‘Sounds like some sororities I knew,’ Rona said. ‘I’m glad they got out.’

She looked at me. ‘So how’d you hear about this?’

‘My friend volunteers here. I told her I could give the shelter more visibility and hopefully get more volunteers and donations.’

‘That’s cool. Ms. Young told me to circulate and help you with interviews. I’ve got back up power banks and extra recorders just in case.’

‘That’s perfect. Thanks for helping me out. You too, Chloe.’

‘I’m excited about this assignment. It’ll be good to take pictures of people instead of accessories for a change. Not that I have anything against tennis bracelets,’ she said hastily. ‘I don’t mind working with the fashion editor. Ms. Chase has a very good eye.’

‘She sure does – have you seen her car? I can’t wait until I’m making that kind of money,’ Rona said. She sighed dreamily. ‘That’s a you can’t tell me anything car.’

 I didn’t have anything to contribute to the Cordelia Chase is Goals club, so I kept quiet until we reached the shelter.

 A smiling blonde greeted us at the door. She held out her hand. ‘Hi, I’m Lily. You must be Buffy.’

I don’t know why I had been expecting someone older – Lily looked to be about my age. I introduced everyone else and then Lily led us to the common room.

There was a giant mural of a sunflower field splashed against one wall, and a small group of women was arranging folding chairs into a circle. They looked pale and slightly skitterish, but some were smiling and talking quietly with their friends. There were a few children playing in the corner, with an older boy sitting with them. His dark shaggy head, paired with a pierced eyebrow made him stand out. And the fact that he was the only male in the room.

‘We’re about to begin our talk, so grab a chair and get comfortable. There’ll be refreshments in a minute.’

As if Lily had summoned it, another door opened. A woman came out with a tray of cups and a pitcher filled to the brim with an icy amber liquid. I walked over to help her and her eyes brightened. ‘Well, hello. I didn’t think I’d see you here.’

It took me a moment to recognize her, and she knew it. She laughed. ‘It’s Fred. We met uh..in the Magic Box?’

‘That’s right. You’re the paralegal.’ I took the tray from her. ‘Do you volunteer here?’

‘Nope, first time. I’m here on behalf of Liam, actually.’

‘What does he have to do with this place?’

‘We do pro bono work for them, and he donated money to their renovation. He actually painted the mural in there – isn’t it gorgeous?’

‘Oh. I didn’t know he did that. It is beautiful.’

Fred nodded enthusiastically. ‘He’s so talented. It’s kind of annoying.’ She leaned in conspiratorially. ‘But actually, I’m not here because of the law firm, I’m sort of babysitting.’

‘What?’

Fred nodded over at the children’s corner. ‘Liam got stuck in meetings so he asked me to pick up his son from school. Connor likes to hang out here with the kids.’

‘That’s Connor?’

Connor looked up sharply. I guess I didn’t whisper his name after all.

‘Oh boy,’ Fred muttered underneath her breath. ‘Teenage hormones coming our way.’

  It was hard to see anything of Angel in Connor’s features. He was taller than me, but everyone tended to be. My coach said it was my advantage on the ice, but I’m not sure if he was joking or it was that famous dry British wit PBS insisted everyone in England had.

Maybe it was the bone structure – but no, Connor looked softer where Angel was all carved lines. He crossed his arms and scowled at me. ‘Who are you?’

‘Seems like everyone wants to know today – I’m Buffy.’

His lip curled. ‘You’re Buffy?’

It was my turn to cross my arms. ‘You know me?’

‘Yeah. My dad talks about you sometimes. And you’re in the pictures with my dead aunt. You looked better then.’

His gaze glanced down meaningfully and then flickered on my face.

‘Connor!’ Fred said. ‘You say you’re sorry right now.’

‘Sorry,’ Connor said flatly.

‘Did I just get sexually harassed by a child,’ I said. ‘Because I think that just happened.’

‘I’m not a child.’

‘Legally, you are. And because I know your dad, I’m not going to tell him what you said. Because obviously, you have something going on that has nothing to do with me. And Connor,’ I smiled at him. ‘You keep Kathy’s name out of your mouth. You don’t know anything about her or me.’

We locked gazes, and slowly, he looked away. ‘Fine,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m sorry.’

Fred exhaled as Connor walked away. ‘I’m so sorry, Buffy. He’s going through a lot –‘ she stopped. ‘No. I’m not making excuses for him. He was wrong and I will tell Liam, he should know.’

I held up a hand. ‘Honestly, it’s fine. When we were growing up, I’ve said worse and had worse screamed at me from my kid sister. Connor’s attitude is nothing compared to the full fury of a teenage girl.’

She nodded. ‘I just don’t understand. He was such a nice boy, but he’s been so moody and when he got his eyebrow pierced I thought Liam was going to punch a window.’

‘You know, time really does move in cycles. I guess it was just time for Connor’s goth phase.’

Fred sighed. ‘Well I guess it could be worse.’

‘I know. He could be in Yearbook.’

I kept an eye on Connor while I took notes as each survivor shared her story. It was always the same.

‘I was no one. I believed what Ken told me – that I was worthless and didn’t deserve kindness. That he could help me achieve my better self.’

‘I was no one. I didn’t have anyone in my life who saw me. But Ken saw and filled my head with lies. Lies I wanted to hear, and then I began to believe.’

‘I was no one.’

‘I was no one.’

‘He took my name.’

‘He took my house.’

‘I gave him all my money.’

Their voices grew louder, braver as they talked, some through tears. ‘I was no one….until.’

‘Until I came here.’

‘Until Lily helped me.’

‘Until I learned I could help others.’

‘Until I let others help me.’

Rona sniffled next to me and I saw Chloe blink furiously, her eyes watering.

We clapped until our hands hurt.

 We split up into groups afterward, as a team of counselors and guest speakers introduced themselves. I managed to get Lily away from the crowd and we went to her office.

‘That was…incredible.’

Lily sat down and offered me a cookie from a jar on her desk. ‘They’ve worked so hard to get to this point, I’m so proud of them.’

‘They owe it all to you.’

She shook her head. ‘No. They put in the work. I just helped them with the basic necessities – a place to sleep, regular meals, hot showers. He deprived them of so much that we take for granted – and the children,’ her voice hardened. ‘Stealing their childhood. He deserves to rot in jail for the rest of his life.’

‘You are a hero though,’ I said. ‘To me you are. I couldn’t imagine caring for all of these people and hearing their stories day in and day out.’

‘Thank you, but I’m just doing what’s right. And you’re helping me out with this article. There’s just – there’s a lot of Kens out there, and sometimes they’re hiding behind bright lights where people don’t think to look. Every bit of exposure helps chip away at their power. And money.’ She sighed. ‘Money always helps.’

‘I’d like to volunteer. My friend Tara does, and I don’t know – whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.’

‘I’m organizing a field trip for the kids next weekend. Would you like to chaperone?’

‘Of course. Where are they going?’

‘The skating rink. And then a pizza parlor afterward.’

‘I think I am qualified for that.’

Lily grinned. ‘I hope you don’t mind – I was hoping you would chaperone. I looked you up when Tara mentioned you. I watched some of your routines on YouTube.’

She clasped her hands. ‘The Sarah McLachlan routine was my favorite. I cried when I watched it.’

I nodded stiffly. That had been one of my last performances, and a solo. ‘Thank you. It was one of my favorites too. But…I don’t skate like that anymore. It’s been a while, actually.’

‘I think the children will still be impressed that a real live Olympian is there with them.’

‘Would it be okay if I was just regular Buffy and not Olympian Buffy? I don’t think any of them would even remember the Olympics.’

‘Of course – I hope I didn’t offend you,’ Lily said.

‘No, not at all. I just don’t want to let you down on that front. It’s not only that I don’t skate like that, but I also can’t. I have pins in my leg keeping things together and well – walking was more of a priority than lifts and axel jumps. At best, I can not fall on the ice, but there’s not going to be any choreography.’

‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,’ Lily bit her lip. ‘If this makes you uncomfortable –

‘It doesn’t. I’ll be there by the bus – are we taking a bus? I’ll be there with snacks.’

‘Thank you so much. I really appreciate it, Buffy.’

‘You’re welcome. Now about that interview…’

 Rona and Chloe were waiting with Fred and Connor when Lily accompanied me from her office. Rona held up a digital recorder. ‘I got lots of quotes.’

‘And I took so many pictures,’ Chloe said, beaming.

‘That’s great. Thank you, guys.’

‘No prob. This was a really eye-opening experience,’ Rona said. ‘I actually want to call my mom right now.’

‘Oh my god, you too?’ Chloe said. ‘I’m definitely calling my lola when I get home.’

They looked at me expectantly. ‘Are we carpooling back to the office?’

‘No. You guys can leave. I can make my own way back.’

‘Cool. See you later, Ms. Summers. Bye, Fred. Bye, Connor.’

 ‘Way to make me feel old,’ I sighed. ‘Ms. Summers.’

‘It’s probably because they work with you,’ Fred suggested.

‘No. It’s because I’m old,’ I grumped.

‘You’re not that old,’ Connor said. ‘I mean, you are older, but –’

‘Please. You can stop right there.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Connor said contritely. ‘Really, this time.’

‘Okay? I accept your apology.’

Fred mouthed, ‘I called his dad,’ and squeezed his shoulders meaningfully. Connor slumped. ‘I didn’t mean to be an asshole.’

‘That’s not the word we agreed on,’ Fred said.

‘Funny, it’s the word I was thinking,’ I said. ‘But really, it’s okay. Just don’t do it again.’

There was the rustling sound of a coat, and the door swinging behind me.

‘Did he apologize?’ A voice spoke.

‘Yes, Dad,’ Connor said. ‘Fred narced on me.’

‘I’m not a narc,’ Fred protested.

‘Hey, Angel,’ I said and turned around.

He nodded at me, and then looked at his son. ‘You don’t talk to her, or any woman like that, got it? Get in the car.’

‘Fine.’ Connor stomped past me.

‘I’m starting to understand why my old man got grey hair so early,’ Angel said. ‘I am really sorry about his attitude, Buffy. He’s mad at me.’

‘Yeah, well we’ve all been there.’

He winced. ‘Okay. Maybe I’m out of line, but do you want to get an early dinner with me? You too, Fred?’

‘I promised Knox I’d get tacos with him,’ Fred said. ‘Sorry.’

‘Let me pay for it then, I owe you for picking up Connor.’ Angel opened up his wallet. ‘Are you getting the sides too?’

‘And drinks. I think a giant size of horchata.’

He chuckled. ‘Okay. You’ve earned it. Here.’ He handed her a stack of bills. ‘Combat pay for dealing with Connor’s mood swings.’

‘Any time, boss. See you around, Buffy?’

‘Yeah. We’ll have to get drinks or something soon,’ I smiled at her. ‘It was really nice meeting you again.’

 ‘Same.’

 When it was just me and Angel again, I looked up at him. ‘So,’

‘Did you get the flowers?’ He said in a rush.

‘Yeah, I did. They were beautiful, thank you.’

‘I am sorry about what happened,’ Angel said. ‘Cordelia gets these ideas in her head sometimes, and well…’

‘Are you dating her?’

‘No,’ Angel said immediately. ‘That was in the past.

‘So you did date her.’

‘It was a long time ago,’ Angel said. ‘I dated quite a few women after my divorce.’

‘You don’t have to explain it to me –’

‘No, I think I do. Because you need to hear it. Cordelia’s my friend and I told her I was nervous about seeing you and she suggested that I call her if it got awkward and she’d rescue me.’

‘Angel, I’m not sure I needed to hear this.’

He put his hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m really messing this up, aren’t I? I didn’t mean it that way. I was having such a good time with you that I forgot to call her, and I guess she took it as a sign –’

‘To embarrass me. Did you know I worked with her before our lunch?’

‘No. I swear, Buffy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

‘Well you did, and I don’t know why she had to be so obvious about it. It wasn’t like it was a real date,’ and I was proud that my voice didn’t crack.

‘It wasn’t?’ Angel said quietly. He lifted his fingers off of my shoulder. ‘Because I was hoping it would turn into one.’

I stared at him.

‘What?’

Angel’s reply was lost in the sound of a car horn blaring. Connor’s voice rang out. ‘I’m starving, are you guys coming or not?’

‘God, give me strength,’ Angel said. He held out his hand. ‘Come to dinner with us.’

 Connor honked the horn again. ‘Are you kissing her or what?’

‘I’m going to ground him into next year,’ Angel muttered.

He looked at me apologetically. I decided then.

‘Well, I don’t kiss on the first date, but…I  might make an exception.’

I took his hand.

previous entry | tbc

[dilettantereviews]

Due to some personal circumstances, finishing this list took longer than I’m proud of, but I hope it’s worth it.

Isolation by Kali Uchis- This was a hard album to write for, not because of the quality (obviously), but because it’s so all over the place and hard to classify. I first paid attention to her through an ONTD original about pop stars with personas, then I thought of her as an indie pop girl, and her collaborations with rap and Latin artists make me compare her to women in R&B or urban music as well. But she’s just Kali. People always talk about “it took Ms.Nancy 8 years for her debut but it’s iconic!!” but for Kali I definitely feel it. The psychedelic baroque intro alone lets you know that you’re about you go on a journey of an album. Songs like Miami, Tomorrow, and Your Teeth, My Neck (and I guess Just a Stranger) all talk about the uncomfortable intersection between wealth and desire, while songs like Dead to Me (lol) give some brevity and energy to this album. For critics who think she can’t sing, Killer has a great Winehouse-esque performance. The album cover looks like a Prince Protege vanity set fantasy painting.

Joyride by Tinashe- Tinashe had a weird 2017, with Flame flopping, Light Up the Sky dropping, and a bizarre Taco Tuesday outing (why?!?! They said it was a networking event, but for who? The girl has more collaborations than all the different companies Pepsi distributes for), but her 2018 was better. We got a random HQ picture that turned out to be the first cover for a tringle that lead to Joyride. She answered many questions like yes, she did need to use legal options to release Joyride, and no, she didn’t like Flame. She release a great pop album that is a little Frankensteined together but you can still use all the songs. Although things seem murky now, I feel that Tinashe will keep giving us great, unique music. Personal favorites include No Drama, Faded Love, No Contest, and Ooh La La.

Caution by Mariah Carey- I keep seeing people mention that this is their first Mariah album, which is appropriate, because this feels like a new beginning for her. It’s my first Mariah album too, but I’ve seen one Popjustice member say that this is her only album where she mainly sings in a lower register and where the background instrumentals are darker electronics. I’ve heard that Me.. I am Mariah at least tried out new things, but this incorporated everything successfully. I’ve never really listened to Mariah before because I just figured it would be mostly ballads and midtempos, but this album kept things unique. Highlights include GTFO, A No No, Giving Me Life, and Portrait. This album is the sonic equivalent of putting your favorite Bath and Body Works moisturizer on, making a warm drink, and hiding under a weighted blanket, and who doesn’t want that in a year like this?

Take Me to the Disco by Meg Myers- People say that there are too many meaningless buzzwords (true) but I don’t think alt vs indie rock is one of those. Indie is generally minimal and guitar based but alt is left of the middle rock and expansive. Meg went for category 2. Following her great debut album from 2015, she went for a bigger, better, and darker sound this time. It reminds me of Tori (Tear Me to Pieces and Jealous Sea sound very Choirgirl), PJ, Trent, and the Smashing Pumpkins. Take Me to the Disco is a nice ballad that starts out the album, which doesn’t prepare you at all for Numb, the following track. Done and Funeral are also strong. Listen if you’re tired of slackers in music.

Childqueen by Kadhja Bonet- If music indicates mood, I don’t know what Spotify premium subscribing, Allmusic reading, time travelling aliens would know about 2018. Sure, there were some political albums, but I feel like the pace of crappy events was faster than (High quality) political music. Even on a personal level, 2018 wasn’t ridiculously iconic or anything for me, and I was still petty and had grudges to work on. That being said, I have no clue how psychedelic music became big for me this year. We had Moodoid, Melody’s Echo Chamber, The Internet (sort of), and Dita Von Teese. But my favorite is perhaps Kadhja Bonet, whose theatrical sounds are like the score to an old Disney movie. Mother, …, and Second Wind are great. Bonus EP was released this fall.

so sad, so sexy by Lykke Li- I haven’t really listened to Lykke before, so I figured her pop reinvention was a good time to get into her. This album reminds me of Nelly Furtado for indie songwriting but with hooks. Although sometimes the trap parts are a little awkward (use vaporwave instead!), this was a good reinvention. My favorites include Two Nights featuring Amine (he is NOT a rent a rapper!), Jaguars in the Air (you and me we’re psychedelic!), and of course, sex money feelings die. I would love a Jessy Lanza remix album commissioned.

Silk Canvas by Vanjess- Everyone loves whisper registers and high pitched whisper singing in R&B (Diana Ross, Janet, Aaliyah, Ciara, Cassie, Tinashe) but what I really love is a deep voice (or at least one that sounds a little raspy). Vanjess joins Her, Total, and T Boz and even The Weeknd in the deep vocals crowd. Don’t mark these Nigerian princesses as spam, just give them a stream, no bank accounts required. I like that they have a better understanding of making a cohesive album with different genres and still staying in a certain vibe instead of doing the same song 12 times. Even their remix EP gets that. Control Me and Addicted, the big singles from this album, are good symbols for their moody R&B sound but they have more than that. Touch the Floor is more uptempo in the vein of Kaytranada, as are the excellent Through Enough and Another Love. My Love reminds me of Aaliyah’s One in a Million. The One picks up where the 80’s revival trend left off, but improves on the synth funk sound. Even Cool Off the Rain, a 2 minute interlude, is worth listening to.

7 by Beach House- I don’t know what made this album click with me. This is my 4th album for Beach House, so I thought I just wouldn’t get them by now, I listen to dream pop and shoegaze enough where I thought I’d like any vibey music. This album didn’t reinvent the wheel but it has warmth to it, without losing their signature ‘when your arm has pins and needles and you need to wiggle yourself to a healthy blood circulation again’ sound. Favorites include Lemon Glow, Black Car, Dark Spring, and Girl of the Year. I also recommend Wax idols and Pinkshinyultrablast if you’re looking for more shoegaze..

Dita Von Teese by Dita Von Teese- This was always going to be a niche passion project by a burlesque artist, so I don’t think it was ever going to set the charts on fire, but not even the internet cared about this? If you miss Lana’s old Hollywood glamour, you should check out this album. It mixes 60’s psychedelics with electronic music to create a perfect loungy sound. I’m not saying I’m those “I miss 2012 Lana!!” but I stuck with her through her Old Hollywood Jackie Kennedy Born to Die phase, her 60’s Manson Girl Ultraviolence cult phase, her 50’s (?) maps to the stars Honeymoon, and 70’s singer songwriter Lust for Life phase, so I was excited to see what other incarnations we would get. Would we get a full on spaced out culty version of Honeymoon? An 80’s Midwest goth album? A late 90’s vaporwave mixtape? Okay, most of these are just words thrown together that nobody would want, but Dita’s album had the concept and the execution there, all it needed was the audience. The French songs have a certain sadness in them. I like Bird of Prey and Dangerous Guy as well, but the whole album is well produced and beautiful sounding, so you should listen to it if you just want some easy listening that’s riskier than most of pop and alternative’s current artists.

Black Panther- Yes, this should count as an album. I’ve seen people treat The Hunger Games soundtracks (yes, those movies didn’t spontaneously appear on TNT one day) as real albums and stan Lorde’s vision for it. I’ve seen people stan the soundtrack for A Star is Born, like it’s a real Lady Gaga album, but Black Panther is where y’all draw the line? Okay. Aside from the breakout single, you get a good vocal performance from SZA, a top tier Jorja Smith song, the best flute performance of 2018, and the downtemp Seasons. That a random soundtrack can have that much cohesion is good for Kendrick Lamar but bad for other artists.

[thebibliosphere]

An entirely random question: in a modern au, what sort of music would Vlad, Nathan, and Ursula like, respectively?

Oh boy I love asks like these cause it means I get to pull up my obscure character notes.

In the modern human AU, Vlad’s mother was a classical pianist and taught him how to play, as well as the violin. Ursula once remarked that he plays with a beautiful kind of heavy sorrow. His taste in music is predictably, somewhat moody and more than a little bit eclectic. He went through an emo goth phase in high school and never really left and still listens to things like JJ72 and Staind when he’s working, but draws the line at “The Sound of Silence” because he’s actively trying to stay sober these days and he still remembers the way his mother’s voice would crack on certain notes while listening to the original. He still can’t really listen to Joni Mitchell because of this, and God help anyone who tries to play Don McLean without warning him first cause you’re going to have to pick him up off the floor afterwards.

When he wants to be angry but upbeat while he works he has things like Muse and Awolnation on a loop. He’s more than a little in love with Hozier and refers to him as “my other boyfriend” in conversation. You’ll also hear a lot of Jefferson Airplane coming from his art studio, something he’s managed to reclaim from his mother’s collection without breaking his heart listening to it, more recently however it’s been this song on a loop, for obvious reasons. It makes him happy despite the gently melancholic tone of it.

If he were a Queen song he’d be Under Pressure.

Nathan is a total mess when it comes to music, it doesn’t matter what is playing, he’s here for it and ready to dance whether it’s Brittany Spears Toxic or Electric Six’s Danger! High Voltage. That said his phone is primarily loaded with theme songs from films and video games. The battle themes from Elder Scrolls makes great running tunes on the treadmill as far as he’s concerned. As does the main theme for Pacific Rim. Ursula got him addicted to Florence and the Machine sometime around the first week they started dating and he apologetically listens to Howl all the time while wearing his “do you even shift bro” werewolf t-shirt. Ursula likes to joke that his love song for Vlad is Jace Everett’s Bad Things. And not just because it was on True Blood and he’s never gotten over his vampire fixation from early adolescence and Vlad is absolutely 100% his Type in that regard, aka romantic sad goth in skinny jeans who looks good in fangs, nope, nope, nope, how very dare. (He feels attacked. This is slander. But yea, actually, no that’s...fair...)

He’s also got about 20 nieces and nephews at this point (or is it twelve, feels like a hundred) so he’s also got a million and one Disney songs stuck in his head at any given moment and can sing them all on command. Right now he’s had Shakira’s Try Everything from Zootopia on a loop in the kitchen for the last six months and the other two are on the verge of forming an intervention. Again. 

If he were a Queen song he’d be Don’t Stop Me Now

Ursula identifies with Florence Welch on a spiritual level because she too is both the aesthetic of Here Comes The Hurricane To Fuck Up Your Life and Ethereal Early Morning Light Glinting On Still Waters.

On the flipside of this she’s pretty certain Hozier is her patronus and also refers to him as “my other, other, boyfriend” in unity with Vlad. Him and Jeff Buckley, who she’s not unconvinced wasn’t a celestial being who decided to grace this world with his voice before he was called back to beyond the ether.

Like the other two she’ll listen to pretty much anything, but tends to avoid the more melancholy choices Vlad makes. She’s more of a “burn the sadness out of your veins with rage” sort of person than a “I need to sit down and have a good cry”. You always know when she’s annoyed at something because she likes to scream along to the opening of Immigrant Song regardless of the time of day or night. It’s best to just let her get on with it. (Their neighbors are mercifully old and deaf.) If the boys hear Martha Wainwright's Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole coming from the crafting room however it’s usually a good idea to go in armed with chocolate and a blanket because she’s probably under the desk not crying. She never cries. Vlad finds it unnerving and wishes she would. He thinks it’d help.

There’s a lot of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks in there too, as well as  Loreena Mckennitt and the occasional insertion of Bill Hicks (yes the comedian) singing his song, The Moon Is Smiling.

She also likes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and listens to Sacrilege fairly often. It’s the song she left on her ultra conservative adopted family’s voice mail when they found out about both Nathan and Vlad and called her a sinner. Immediately followed by Millie Jackson’s Fuck You Symphony. They haven’t tried to speak to her since and their voicemail appears to be deactivated. She can’t imagine why.

At the moment her personal anthem is What's Up by 4 Non Blondes and you’ll often find her gently singing it to herself while she works. Vlad tends to join in, not even realizing he’s doing it. It’s easy for them to harmonize together and Nathan enjoys listening to them both.

If she were a Queen song she’d undeniably be Killer Queen.

Regardless of their differing tastes, no matter where they are in the house if The Killers Mister Brightside comes on they’ll all bust into the same room singing it. They’re aware the lyrics are ironic for them but it’s impossible not to sing along. 

If the trio were a Queen Song it’d probably be Bohemian Rhapsody. They take turns singing all the parts. Nathan’s family have banned the song on long car rides for this reason. No. Once is enough. Don’t put it on a loop. Stop. Don’t make us split you up between cars. Again.

[futuresandpasts]

Futures & Pasts | MRR #414

My column from Maximum Rocknroll #414 (November 2017), one of the rare months this year when I mostly wrote about demos from new bands, as opposed to reissues of records from thirty-plus years ago. 

The time that I’ve spent writing this month’s column has been marked by all sorts of strange happenings and general flux. The skies in Portland have been smoke-streaked and raining ash for days because a couple of jackass kids tossed firecrackers into the evergreen forests of the Columbia River Gorge to the east of the city, setting tens of thousands of acres of trees ablaze in the process. My hometown of Houston is still largely underwater after catastrophic hurricane-triggered flooding, and even though it’s been twelve years since I left the city, this might be the first time that I’ve felt so genuinely separated from it, helplessly watching from the opposite side of the country as the places and things that defined my formative years (for better or worse) are completely upended. I quit the radio show that I’d been doing for the last year and a half because the pressure of coming up with a two-hour program week after week without repeating myself was making me lose my mind just a little bit, so I’m back to doing a podcast from my apartment whenever inspiration strikes and I can already tell that it’ll be a better change for me. And I started a new band called COLLATE with two friends a few months back that finally recorded this week, just in time to make some tapes for a short tour down to California in mid-October—come hang out if you’re in Chico, Los Angeles, San Francisco or Oakland and you want talk about oddball ‘70s and ‘80s post-punk records with us.

Five years after Dark Entries’ remastered vinyl reissue of UK minimal wave duo LIVES OF ANGELS’ 1983 cassette Elevator to Eden, they’re back with a brand new LP collection called Hole in the Sky drawn from the group’s unreleased odds and ends and archival tracks sourced from hyper-obscure tape compilations. In contrast to some of their aesthetically similar contemporaries like SOLID SPACE or SECOND LAYER, LIVES OF ANGELS didn’t splinter off from the fertile early ‘80s UK post-punk scene, and in fact vocally rejected it—multi-instrumentalist Gerald O’Connell apparently dismissed everything from the era with the exception of COCTEAU TWINS, DEPECHE MODE, and NEW ORDER. The influence of the latter is especially apparent, and when O’Connell’s wife Catherine takes her turn at the mic (see “I Know About You” or “After Dark”), the result is a sort of striking bedroom synth-pop driven by the mechanical heartbeat of a vintage drum machine, suggesting slightly ragged takes on “Ceremony” or “Age of Consent” as sung with the detached warmth of Alison Statton of YOUNG MARBLE GIANTS. The Gerald-sung songs “Call Moscow” and “Somebody Else” also point to some shared wavelengths with jangly home-taping pop freaks CLEANERS FROM VENUS, who appeared on more than one mid-’80s small-run cassette comp alongside LIVES OF ANGELS, but best of all might be the dark electro-punk minimalism of “Look Out Kid,” spun almost entirely from reverbed drum machine clatter and retro-futuristic synthesizer that connects the dots between KRAFTWERK and the NORMAL. (Dark Entries, livesofangels.bandcamp.com)

From an obscurity dug out of the archives of the 1980s cassette underground to something more contemporary that could convincingly pass for the same: Imagery is the debut four-song tape from MIDNIGHT GARDEN, which appears to be one person armed with a four-track machine in modern-day Toronto crafting fever dream post-punk that sounds like the half-decayed remnants of a demo originally sent to Rough Trade in 1981. The driving, melodic bassline running through the opening and standout track “Structures” immediately had me thinking of early FOR AGAINST (clearly going after my own heart here, as I’ve been trying to rip off the same for years), cutting through the cavernous echo of some tom-heavy drumming and deadpan vocals buried under a thick fog of tape hiss. Then there’s “What Moves You?,” with an insistent back-and-forth of scalpel-edged single-note guitar and pulsing bass that occupies the liminal space between the stark, rhythm-minded approach of Factory Records’ early ‘80s post-punk faction (think pre-electronic SECTION 25) and the desperate and moody atmosphere of goth-adjacent bands like the CHAMELEONS. When you’re this reverent of your source material, it’s all too easy to come off as overly forced and derivative, but the roughed-up and off-kilter aesthetic of these recordings gives MIDNIGHT GARDEN the homespun spark that made the first wave of fiercely DIY post-punks so provocative in the first place. (whatmovesyou.bandcamp.com)

TABLE SUGAR have been making the minimalist art-punk of my dreams in Olympia since at least late 2016 when their demo Introductory Material first surfaced, but it took a tip this summer (from my friend Jay over at Dynamite Hemorrhage) for the band to actually be brought to my attention, and despite all of this brilliant racket happening less than two hours north up I-5 from me in Portland. For any of y’all who rightfully flipped your lid for LITHICS, take note: TABLE SUGAR are truly the next great post-punk weirdos of the Pacific Northwest. Sparse, taut guitar lines stretch out between throbbing bass and choppy drumbeats like the string connecting a pair of tin can telephones, while twin vocalists intone their parts over one another in cool monotones and ecstatic shrieks, sometimes within the span of the same song. “M.e.” even throws some violin into the equation which will undoubtedly evoke some references to the feral femme spirit of the RAINCOATS, but much like their freewheeling Australian counterparts in BENT, TABLE SUGAR are guided less by any rigid adherence to the scratchy groundwork laid down by the RAINCOATS (or DELTA 5, or the AU PAIRS, or…) and more by their foremothers’ general gleeful refusal to color inside the lines. (tablesugarband.bandcamp.com)

Blown-out basement punk newcomers STRANGE FATE hail from the woods of Western Massachusetts, where I spent most of my twenties enduring way too many shows dominated by mysterious guy hardcore bands who were in various phases of moving on from fawning ORCHID worship. I was so desperate for something like this during my time there—frantic, no frills femme-led DIY racket, with dual yelped vocals from guitarists Callie and Lindsey that bring to mind those first two NOTS singles when they were still inviting endless “KLEENEX meets the URINALS” comparisons. STRANGE FATE have the same penchant for whiplash choruses consisting primarily of shouted chants, with most of the songs careening to their end in just barely over a minute. For sheer econo-punk brilliance in 2017, look no further than “I Don’t Wanna Know,” whose lyrics are little more than the title delivered over and over in a snotty sneer over slashing guitars and urgently bashed drums for exactly 60 seconds, although the breathless repetition of “don’t tell me! / don’t tell me nothing!” on “Round Up” is pretty great, too. (strangefate.bandcamp.com)

Oakland’s MINERALS are the latest offshoot of the GRASS WIDOW family tree (the shared DNA is from bassist Raven Mahon), and the new trio’s EP One demo builds upon the same melodic but slightly gnarled framework that made GRASS WIDOW such a revelation in the early twenty-tens. All three MINERALS sing, sometimes with one voice in isolation and sometimes with multiple intersecting parts that briefly overlap in quietly unassuming harmonies, backed by guitar lines twisted into complex shapes and rhythms that subtly shift between tension and sprawl. “First/Firth” and “Third/Therm” are the EP’s gauzy, slowburning pop visions, while the loopier, bass-driven lilt of “Second/Second” and “Fourth/Forth” nods to all of the coolest women of the late ‘70s and early ‘80s post-punk universe. Someone please do a vinyl release of this as soon as possible! (minerals2.bandcamp.com)

[dootiecupcake-blog]

Meet Jade (Tol nerd) and her sister, Corrin (smol "emo" nerd). If you have been on my page you've probably seen Corrin Before buuuuut that was before I announced the whole comic thingy (which is yet to be named). Sorry for the crappy camera quality I probably wont be drawing digitally for a while until I get a better program, so for now were just gonna have to take the ye old traditional art with muh phone cam.   But here are some things you guys should know about Jade and Corrin (and friends), Jade is a 21 year old collage student that is aspiring to be a musician. She's super upbeat, funny, adventurous, optimistic, loves puns (despite the fact that, Jewel, her best friend, hates them with a burning passion), and aims to please. The style she typically goes for is a punk rock/edgy look despite the fact that she really isn't "punk" or "edgy" personality wise. She loves her little sister to DEATH and will do just about anything to make her happy and see her smile. She is fully aware of the fact that Corrin is going through a "rebellious emo" phase but doesn't make fun of her for it cause she doesn't want to make her feel like an outcast or upset also because she went through an emo phase too but she doesn't need to know about that shhh. Not only does she try to make Corrin Happy, but she also tries her best to make all her friends happy (Mija, Jewel, and Harley) and by doing this she actually will think so much about other peoples needs that she forgets all about her own self care and gets really burnt out. Shes also prone to have anxiety/anxiety attacks when she feels she hasn't done enough for someone. Corrin is a 16 year old high school sophomore, and aspires to be a forensic scientist one day thanks to her sister, Jade. Corrin would say that she's emo or goth if you ask her, and will also try to act edgy, but everybody knows that it's a phase and she's doing it cause she finds the clothes cool and will actually fight you if you say Hot topic's merch is trash. Corrin is your typical moody parent rebellious teenager, but has a soft spot for her older sister and her Best friend, Mija. She's the only one that actually genuinely likes Jade's puns. She looks up to Jade, But won't say it out loud, and loves her friends (Mija, Jewel, and Harley) dearly, but she doesn't believe that she deserves all the love she gets from her friends and family because of how moody she can be. when shes really upset or has had a bad day she sometimes will say things to purposely hurt other people just because she doesn't know how to handle her anger and doesn't realize how much her words hurt after the damage has been done, leaving her friends and also herself extremely hurt.   There will definitely be more characters coming on the scene soon just you wait! I'm really looking forward to finally introducing you guys to them all so you can ask them questions and get to know them!

[allmymisters]

Mr. Etch-A-Sketch

When you date an artistic person, you have to accept all their sensitive sides. Some tend to be self important, moody, and flippant, but also easily intriguing and passionate. This is the tale of Mr. Etch-a-Sketch, an artist in training that began one eventful evening and ended on a tearfully rainy day.

Mister was unexpected. The ones you fall hard for always are. I was 22 and at my second attempt of my college career. VCU at that time was an art driven school and was mostly made up of outcasts and those seeking the sought after, “Liberal Arts Degree” After failing at my future Fashion degree, I didn't know what I was going to be when I grew up.  At that time I really didn’t care about anything real worldly either. All I cared about was falling in love, going to shows, and finding freedom. Wasn’t that what college was for...again?

I had just gotten out of a fauxship and Mister was just another boy I had seen at another party who I found to be interesting.  This night was no different than any other Friday night in the Fan District and this night would consist of drinking with friends at one of the three main party houses.  I would do the usual, take way too long to figure out what I was gonna wear, because black is very hard to differentiate sometimes.  I would meet up with my lady entourage, drink a beer, listen to some music, tell each other who we hoped to run into and then we would venture to a gathering to be held at one of the main party houses. We had three. These houses would form a bit of a triangle starting with the legendary Red Zero with at least 10 occupants. A place of remarkable memories and a den of Star Wars geeks. Right down the road was 411. I had no idea how many people actually lived here, but the guys were older and intellectual making them great purveyors of philosophical babble. Then there was 1208, which consisted of a slightly younger population, but had the best house shows and where all the cool indie kids hung out. Come to think about it, I never really knew who actually lived in that house at that time. We were invited by the boys of 411 for a kegger this particular night and it would be my first time attending. We all agreed to meet at Lana's apartment that night. There we would wait for three more lady friends. When I arrived, Lana asked if we would mind if her roommates joined us. I met the first one whose lanky body barely covered a half painted canvas in his bedroom. He was sweet and had really great sneakers. He listened to Tortoise as he painted his canvas with muted colors of orange and yellow. Lana's apartment was nicer than most apartments my friend's occupied. Funny enough, I stayed in the apartment downstairs one weekend a few years back. Some college students came with mom and dad's money and their apartments showed.

The front door opened suddenly with a bike tire leading and another roommate to follow. I immediately recognized him  from a house show a few months back, except he had magenta hair at the time. Nope, no Lana, I didn't mind if these dudes accompanied us at all. Not one bit. Hopefully, that thought wasn't completely displayed in some goofy form of a smile as I replied to her earlier question.

Mr. Etch was of average of height – 5’11” maybe. Shorter compared to my particular criteria. He came equipped with sketchbook and pen, a Sharpie, and a distinct voice which orated a higher pitch and slightly feminine. He dressed like most boys of the time, cords and vintage tee with a cardigan ala Mr. Cobain. His hair was right below the ears, black and loose, a soul patch adorned his chin and two rings hung from his earlobes. The cuteness factor was up high with this one, but he also had a twitchy nature about him, like he was ready for some excitement. He wasn’t like the artistic types I was accustomed to growing up with. There was no mope to him. No brood or obscurity to him. He was indeed a flirt which complimented my own quiet brooding nature.

We fell in love during a game of telephone. What was supposed to be “The monkey is in the kitchen with a banana in his ear, “ turned out to be “I’d really like to hang out with you sometime." Well played sir. Well played indeed. I fumbled this game by having to guess what was originally whispered. So, I turned to my friend and whispered in her ear, “I’m getting up to get a beer because I have no idea what was said.” Got up. Walked towards the keg and poured myself another beer. Game won.

He was quirky.  He was expressive and fun. The night of the party I went home with him and the others and ended up staying for a few days.  We talked about music, art, tv shows, movies and we smoked a lot of pot doing it. It was the kind of infatuation which happens in an instant, where you lose yourself completely. It's full of passion and throwaway sentiment. You forget what time it is or what day it is. Cell phones were non-existent so there were no distractions.  For the next few weeks, I went down an Escher staircase with him. Everyone approved of our dating status, except his guy friends I think. I took too much time away from them. I would attend his band gigs and his art shows. We would meet for coffee in the middle of the day between classes, while I was still going. He was absolutely adorable with me and I with him. You can gag now. The first week we were together he asked me to join him for a fashion party of sorts. How ironic it was in the last apartment I resided, the green porch light still present. We were asked to come in some sort of costume.  Mister decided on a bright orange basketball jersey with an ascot-like tie atop a black short sleeved button down and plain black pants.  It was quite comical and while he decided on a more humorous ensemble. I, opted for my basic color scheme of black and white. I tended not to step out of my element at that time. Little did I realize that the red lit warmth of the apartment amidst a sea of balloons would be the location of my first dose of Ecstasy. Fantasia played on loop on the TV.  “You can just take half, it will be ok,” he coaxed me.  All I kept thinking was, “Can I die from this?”  He had this smile about him. It was a smile that belonged to Loki. His brown eyes sparkled and his gaze made me feel as though I was the only other person in the room. The next thing I know, that tiny bit of a pill was in my mouth. My world was about to get a lot bigger.

Our relationship was pretty serious, I thought. As serious as a 22 year old can be about such things. We had met each other’s families.  I had practically moved in with him.  We were the couple that stayed in the bedroom for days only to utilize the bathroom and eat shells and cheese occasionally.  We listened to Philip Glass, Sonic Youth, and the Boredoms constantly. We made sure to watch the X-Files diligently and we would go on about the mysteries of the universe and pick apart the genius of David Lynch. He was entranced with all that was noise and his artwork reflected that kind of frenetic chaos. He would sketch these layered shapes with bears, faces, and random objects all embedded in this labyrinth of colored lines. It was truly meditative.

I'm a pretty adaptable person. I tend to transform to who I date. He was no exception. I went from the moroseness of being a goth girl to transforming into an Electric Kool-Aid kid. My blacks became oranges and reds and blues and my curiosity about drugs became more loose. My first raves were with him. He introduced me to a whole new world of dance and movement. Oh, how he loved to dance. His dancing was just another way to get his art out there. He would get lost on the flashing lots and strobes and then he'd find me. I don't know if it was the Molly or if we really did have this cosmic connection with each other, but it felt fantastic.

Although my introduction to the world of recreational drugs was with him, I found it only to be a short phase in my life that seemed like an ongoing adventure with his. Soon, getting high became uninspiring to me. I had done all the drugs that weren't hazardous to your immediate health --- LSD, Marijuana, Mushrooms, Molly, and Opium. I had a good time when it was an event-like circumstance. Going to art shows and parties were more interesting for sure, but there were times when it was depressing. Being on Shrooms in the woods at night when you have an intense feeling your boyfriend is over you, is not a fun-filled evening.

He lost himself in his work constantly, sometimes sketching and creating for hours ---painting, filming, photographing, writing songs. I noticed he began to distance himself from me. Our outings became less and his drug use became more predominate in the relationship. He would have conversations I didn’t get and philosophize about numbers and patterns constantly. He would snap at me in frustration and leave the house to get away from me. He started finding excuses to go to his studio or extend his band practice time and I felt as though my pining was becoming a plastic bag around his head. He then decided to go on a trip out West and when he returned all infatuation was deflated.

It's true, I was what I had feared being the most...The Clingy Girlfriend! We sat in his car as it rained. I had remembered the day we had gone out to a movie and returned home as it poured. That was a good day. We danced and laughed in it like we were kids. Now, I just stared at the rain from inside the car as I tried to ignore the fate of our relationship. 

He said I was too much for him, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I could feel the burning in my chest, working it’s way up my esophagus and the lump sat in my throat. I cried, the way I always did, with begging and pleading that I could make it work. His apathy hit me hard and I knew that was it. He dropped me off at my friend's apartment and drove away. I wiped the tears and knocked on the door for what would become the consoling party --- Lot's of alcohol, pizza, and why me's.

In the next few weeks, he would call me and ask if I wanted to come over. We would ultimately have sex and then he'd gently nudge me out the door. I wasn’t emotionally secure at that time in my life, so every time I did that I had a spark of hope. I didn’t have the capacity to be apathetic in that realm. I would see him at random parties with random girls, including very good friends of mine. That stung a bit. He still had that cute mischievous smile.  He would soon find a new girlfriend. He would soon move away and it would ease my pain for a while, but we would not speak for some time after this.  I would tell myself I wasn’t good enough and that’s why he left.  I would tell myself I wasn’t ambitious enough with my school or that I wasn’t pretty enough. I had all kinds of excuses and was really a pathetic mess for a while. Years later, he would come back to Richmond and I would see him crossing the street after a show. He looked up and waved with that smile.  I knew we wouldn’t be far from each other again, but I had moved on and was in a new phase of my life. I will never forget the day I randomly saw him at the bar we used to frequent. We were catching up on each other's lives and he kept looking down at my hands. He gazed at my chipped red fingernails and said, “Mmmm….chipped red fingernail polish, I remember that.”  With a wicked smile he would say it and for just one moment I thought, “Ha, I’m still with him.”  

It took about eight months, give or take a few weeks of back and forth, for this relationship to run its course. In that time, I managed to be as clingy as the static from the dryer sheets on my socks, but I also learned that I'm worth more than I had given myself credit for. I didn't need to impress him because he was occupied with stepping out of his head. He didn't live in my world and I didn't want to be in his. He had taught me a lot about art and I used to love watching him draw. I still have all the pieces he gave to me and I look at them fondly. It reminds me of the brief moment I had with him and all his floaty thoughts he put to canvas.

He married a few years ago. I went to the wedding and saw all the friends I had during that time in my life. We danced like we used to and hugged each other while sharing memories of fun times together. We are all grown up now and in different parts of our lives and at that moment, as we laughed, I recalled all of us sitting on the floor in his room that very first night I met him. The night I began my kaleidoscope adventure with him. I glanced over at him and he was already looking at me and I smiled.  He returned it with a wink and that was my cue to depart. I said my goodbyes, understanding that I would not be seeing these ladies again for quite some time, got up and slowly walked out the door, like some fucking John Hughes movie. I realized I was no longer his muse and he was no longer part of my landscape.