#who also has the added baggage of being the strong guy on the crew and NEEDING to protect them or else they all die

[maybeamiles]

Thinking about trans Zoro angst...

Trans Zoro who comes out at such an early age that none of his peers know he was born a girl- and he wants to keep it that way.

Trans Zoro who hears Kuina's speech about puberty and weakness and womanhood and challenges it, partially because he wants to prove her wrong, but partially because she reminded him of what's going to happen to him in a few years, and maybe he wants to prove that he's different from her, that he's not going to become a weak woman.

Trans Zoro who sees Kuina die and promises that he'll be strong for her.

Trans Zoro who grows up learning that women are weak and fragile and never gets a chance to see those ideas disproved.

Trans Zoro who is taught that men don't cry. That men are strong. That men don't die to silly things like falling down the stairs. That men must protect the women they love even at the cost at their own health.

Trans Zoro growing up terrified of what might happen if anyone found out he was trans. Terrified of losing his place in the dojo. Terrified of being seen only as a weak woman.

Trans Zoro who tells Chopper that "real men don't cry" because he doesn't cry and he's a real man. The fact he doesn't cry proves it.

Trans Zoro whose dysphoria hits harder every time he loses a fight.

Trans Zoro who overcompensates for his dysphoria by falling into the patterns of toxic masculinity he was raised with. Who tries to be the kind of man his sexist teachers would be proud of.

Trans Zoro who refuses medical treatment because he doesn't want anyone else to look at his body.

Trans Zoro who is "found out" after his fight with Mihawk.

Trans Zoro who is shocked to discover that nobody sees him as weak because he was born a woman. Who only needs to shout "I'm a man" to go back to being seen as one.

Trans Zoro who learned that men have to be strong, but is slowly learning that it's okay for them to be weak too.

Trans Zoro who is learning that he can be whatever kind of man he wants, his teachers be dammned.

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 7

Emotional Baggage

Udina and Anderson tried to convince Shepard to wear her N7 uniform to the memorial, to be an easily recognizable figurehead. But of all the "figurehead" shit they made her do the past week, this was the one she refused.

This memorial wasn't about her and her suit of armor. It was about those who weren't so lucky at the end of the battle.

This was about Ash.

So, Shepard wore simple black pants and a button up shirt. She didn't want to stand out at all. Not today, not when she was the one who made the call that meant Ash couldn't be here. The main memorial was held in the Presidium- Udina and Anderson wanted people to be inspired by the up and coming reconstruction.

But afterwards, Anderson let her and the crew use his apartment as a more personal funeral for Ashley. She appreciated it, because they couldn't make it back to Earth for the one her parents were putting together. Though, she wasn't sure her parents would want her there. That, or they'd say the words "noble sacrifice" or "hero" too much and Shepard would have to find the nearest bar to burn that out of her brain.

No, they all just needed to remember her as a team. The past few months had changed all of them, and Ash was a huge part of that.

Of all people, Wrex was the first to talk about the Gunnery Chief. "Williams was an asshole when I met her, and maybe she was still an asshole by the time she was gone. But somewhere in between, we took a lot of shots together. It woulda been nice to take a few more with her."

Everyone clapped at the short speech, and even though it was only a handful of people, it was nice. Much like Ash would've preferred, there was an open bar and implied dancing later. Shepard really didn't feel like dancing, but if Ash goaded her, she would've.

But Ash wasn't here, was she?

Yeah, that one hurt like a motherfucker when she swallowed it down, watching Tali pull the rest of her crewmates get pulled into swaying to Ash's favorite songs. The unofficial wingwoman now became the leader, at least for one night.

Anya knew she wasn't being a great participant in the memories, but she had already done a rousing, Councilor edited speech about Ash and the others during the big memorial. Right now, she was spent and all she wanted to do was remember that Ash loved these people and she'd love this party and damn did she wish she was here.

While she didn't mean to leave as early as she did, Anya didn't know if she could keep up the strong hero facade much longer. Saren was gone and it was time to finally experience all the pain and feelings that had been gnawing at her heels. And she had to stop running.

But before she could slip out the door, someone grabbed her arm.

Anya looked up and two bright blue eyes were glaring down at her. "You said I'd get to help."

Staring back at Garrus Vakarian, his voice low and his grip firm, Anya couldn't keep fighting. Nodding, she let him walk out with her. They stopped by Flux to grab a bottle of classic Russian vodka before heading to the empty Normandy to do the whole feelings thing in her room.

She really didn't need the whole crew accidentally seeing her turn into an absolute disaster when they came back. She didn't even really want Garrus to see her like this, but the damned turian insisted. So, might as well prep him for the firing squad.

When they got into her room, Anya stopped dead the second the door closed behind them. She couldn't look at him, but she could already feel the pressure build on her face as she pictured the last time she heard Ash's voice. Whispering, she said, "It should've been me."

"What-"

Anya wrapped her arms around her shoulders, felt the tears run down her cheeks. It only burned worse. She got to cry about this shit, and Ash- "It always should've been me. There were better soldiers on Akuze that deserved to survive more than I did, but my Commander chose me to head back because of my tactical cloaking abilities. I got to run because I could hide. And with Ash, I should've made sure that mission was complete, not left it to a soldier who had so much less baggage to give the world. And the council. Why do I always end up alive when everyone else ends up dead?"

Garrus walked around her, stood in front of her, but she still wouldn't look. He seemed desperate not to push her, so he kept his hands to himself and tried to keep things simple. "Sounds like you're really struggling with that survivor's guilt."

"Of course it's survivor's guilt. Because I keep surviving and people I love keep dying. Hell, I don't even need to love them. It doesn't matter. If I love them, if I push them away, even if I fucking hate them. They're dead. People die in the military, I get it. But I've been on fifty missions where someone didn't come back. Twenty of them, it was more than one. Three of them, I was the only one left alive. I've watched more friends die than friends I have alive, by a painfully wide margin. I don't know if I can keep doing this, but everyone just keeps looking up to me like I'm some hero when really I'm just always the only one left."

This time, he stayed quiet. After a prolonged silence, he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. They were gentle and warm and more than she deserved. But she pressed her face into his shirt and balled her fists against his chest, holding onto the fabric like it was a lifeline. "Survivor's guilt is hard, but it's starting to feel like I'm the one killing people, Garrus. And I don't know if I can live with that."

"I can't change what hurts, and I can't bring those people back. But I can say that you don't bring people together because you're some angel of death. You bring them together because you're willing to fight the fights everyone else calls a lost cause." Anya finally looked up at him, with all his sharpness and angles and alien features, and only found someone that made her feel safe. The only person that really made her feel safe. Garrus continued, "You got a jaded C-Sec officer who probably would've gotten fired to drop everything and help stop the bad guy that he thought no one would stop. You did something I used to think might be impossible. You're hurt, and you're still a squishy human, but you're also still a hero that people would follow into hell."

Taking a deep breath, Anya added, "Yeah, but sometimes I wish they'd stop following me. And I think she could've been a better hero."

Garrus didn't say anything. Not because he agreed, because the way he tilted his face and eyes when she said that said otherwise. But because she was pretty sure he also knew that she didn't care if he disagreed with her.

Instead, he stepped back and picked up the vodka. "You didn't seem to need this to get out the feelings. Still wanna go for it?"

Anya shook her head, figuring if she could cry without the booze, there was no point risking it. "Nah. I'll save nectar from the motherland for a different occasion." Grabbing the bottle out of his hand, she put it on her shelf. She had no clue when she'd ever take it down, but she didn't really want to know.

"What made this time different?"

Turning back towards him, her eyebrows raised. She didn't know what he meant by that. "Hmm?"

"I mean what made you have to break down."

She didn't mean to laugh, not in such a sarcastic, dark way. But when she let out a snort and stopped, she thought she might as well tell him the truth. "I always break down afterwards. The only difference this time is that you were here, wanting to help put the pieces back together. I always used to do it by myself."

His eyes met hers and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. There was something sad and deep and soulful in the way he was looking at her. And then he started stepping towards her, and she didn't mean for her dumb heart to race or for her face to flush, but they did. Garrus probably just pitied her, just feeling bad about her sad life. But then he stopped mere inches in front of her and asked, "Why did you do it alone for so long?"

"Because until you, I didn't believe anyone when they said they wanted to help me."

If she didn't know better, she'd say things felt very warm in between them, almost electric. And the way he was looking down at her, it felt like he was so close, and she knew she shouldn't even think about leaning closer, but everything about him made her feel like...

Well, it made her feel like she had a home. And she hadn't felt that way in years.

But just as she closed her eyes and accepted the consequences of whatever was happening, her door pinged open and Joker walked himself over to her bed and laid down. Both her and Garrus jolted and just stared at him while he did it, but he seemed too drunk to give a damn.

The confused turian gestured to their pilot and asked, "Do I need to know something about you two?"

Anya was ready to throw Joker out the fucking airlock. "Yes. I mean, no. Nothing like you think." She tried to run a hand through her hair, but her damn bun was in the way. Right. She had put it up to be formal at the memorial. Pulling out the ties and pins, she then got the proper stress relief. Anya explained, "When at the Academy, Joker's condition meant he couldn't stay in the dorms like everyone else just in case he had a bone break. My mother taught when he went there, so he stayed with us. He's like my younger cousin, and he has a bad habit of hijacking my room whenever he gets drunk so that I can help make sure he didn't break himself. Or be there to help if he did."

Garrus tried to stay straight-faced, but even he wound up laughing. "So this has happened before?"

"Unfortunately. Even on this ship. I'm kinda surprised I haven't had to explain it until now."

They both just stared at the passed out Joker until Garrus sighed, seemed to accept the state of things, and sat down on her couch. On the left side, like he did every movie night. Anya tried to be casual sitting next to him, but her heart palpitations were still struggling to calm down. He had this perplexed look on his face. "So your mom was a teacher? I thought she was Navy."

"Not by choice. I was trying to rebel by not joining the Alliance. She was making a point to keep me close to it, even taking in a very enthusiastic flight student, to try to convince me otherwise. When she finally got her way after a few months, she left Joker and I the apartment and went back to being a Captain. She's a soldier, through and through."

"So you weren't kidding when you said she pushed you to be like her. Like my father pushed me."

"Absolutely not. And I've become everything she could ever dream, despite my attempts to just be a good person and not get too much attention."

"Sounds like one hell of a childhood. Is it a Russian thing? You talk about that Earth region you're from a lot and it seems... very intense."

"Not quite, she just happens to be a terrible stereotype of a super intense Russian women. But she's not all vodka and muscles and "for the motherland". She fell in love with an American, after all. John Shepard. Also an Alliance pilot, before he died. I think it's why she took such an unnatural liking to Joker."

"My father did that with my childhood friend, Panek. Always brought him with us on field trips to his office or military bases. Said he reminded him of his brother, a reckless young soldier who got himself killed during the Skyllian Blitz."

"And what happened to Panek?"

"Let's just say he was probably a bit too much like my uncle." Garrus leaned into the couch and, despite the loss that tinged his face, he almost seemed nostalgic talking about it all. Anya liked to hear him talk. "But my family isn't all difficult military men. I have Solana, my sister. I've mentioned her before. She's the responsible one, got into politics and interplanetary relations more than military, but she is also the pestering kind. Speaking of, I'll have to message her after this. Haven't done that this week and if I don't, she;ll give me hell."

When he laughed, it was filled with familial love and admiration and years of memories. Anya almost wished she had more of a traditional family. Before the Citadel, she couldn't remember the last time she heard from her mom. Was it when she got Spectre? Was there any time in between? And she definitely couldn't remember the last time they met face to face. But with all her musings, Garrus was giving her this serious look and said, "I already know Joker and you clearly don't talk like... Well, I see you're a different kind of close. But does him being around help?"

"Yeah. Even though I don't really know how to talk serious with him, I do know he'd do anything for me. Sure he might break his ribs in the process, but that's part of the charm."

"What was it like, having Joker as a roommate?"

"Absolutely insane. Picture how sarcastic he is now, but buried in an exhausting zeal for flying Alliance ships. I would wake up at 4 am, at least once a week, to him training or studying, even when he was piss drunk like tonight. My favorite time was when, totally plastered, Joker woke up my mother to try to give him access to the flying sims because he "needed to be prepared in any scenario". She let him, but then she also started making him do oddball scenarios for "just in case". And trust me, nothing is as terrifying and funny like Joker flying a ship and getting perfect marks while completely naked."

Even though Garrus didn't have a drink, he looked about ready to spit one out. His eyes darted back and forth from the passed out drunkard on her bed to Anya. "He did that?"

"Yeah. Any dare mom threw at him, he did every single one. He and my mom were always just trying to one up each other, but neither of them would ever fucking budge. I don't think I ever laughed so much in my life, seeing them prank and push each other to the edge. But he did convince me to join the Alliance, so what do I know, he's clearly more than just a good laugh."

"What did convince you? I don't think I ever knew you didn't want to be a soldier."

Anya shrugged, knowing this was weird waters of her past. "I don't exactly advertise it, not when I ended up the first human Spectre. Don't think people would love knowing it wasn't my childhood dream. I just wanted something different. I didn't know what, but I think I just didn't want to be my mom. I think seeing someone like Joker still excel in the Alliance made me think that maybe there was a place for me. I mean, hell, guy wanted to pilot while drunk and they still loved him."

Garrus pressed his talon to his temple and chuckled under his breath. He could barely believe it, she could tell, but she didn't blame him. Sometimes she could barely believe her academy days with Joker, either. But then his bright blue eyes flicked up and her whole body was frozen still under his gaze. "It's nice to hear you have history. And not just military history." Then his arm extended towards her and she knew she was holding her breath, which she shouldn't, but he just poked the soft flesh of her wrist. "I told you that you were just a squishy human."

"Oh, and you aren't squishy? You practically begged to help me talk out my feelings."

"You're definitely squishier."

Anya was more than ready to play the verbal sparring game with him; honestly, it was nice. She hadn't done much... fun in awhile. With a smirk and proper snark, Anya countered, "I don't know. When you get uppity about temperatures..."

"That's a biological thing. What about you and that childhood cat you talk about? You get all wistful."

"Crackers was a very special boy, but at least he was a living being. I've definitely caught you sleeping with your sniper rifle, and you got pretty upset when it got a scratch a month ago."

Garrus cut his eyes, and looked ready to start throwing some real shots at her. Anya leaned into her knees and was ready. This fight was on. "You cried last movie night."

Okay, she didn't expect that one, and got aftershock emotion thinking of Saving Private Ryan. But she kept it together and gave a weak ass rebuttal. "No I did not!"

"So that tear I saw was what? Space rain?"

Anya was grasping for straws. "It was a very dramatic, emotional final scene. You probably were so caught up in it that you imagined me crying, because that would be an acceptable response. If I did cry, which I didn't."

"Now you're just lying to me."

"It's pretty squishy of you to be getting so bothered by if I cried during a movie or not."

Garrus glared at her, looking like he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue. Anya was pretty sure she just gave the most annoying, pre-teen answer she ever could. But was it annoying enough to get him to back off before she managed to get even more annoying? Finally, Garrus said, "You're impossible."

Anya didn't mean to smile so wide at him, which only seemed to annoy him more.

After all that, she tried to soothe his ego a little and nudged his shoulder with hers. "Only because every dumb thing I do with you turns me into a shameless goofball. I still can't believe I danced with you."

The genuine smile on his face was not what she expected. "Yeah. That was nicer than I expected."

It was a little too nice. She felt her insides warming up, and her heart pumping a little fast, thinking of how close they were, and even how close they were a few minutes ago, before Joker came in. Maybe they were about to-

Nope, Anya had to diffuse that train of thought and fast. She jeered, "Well, you thought it was a sex ritual, so-"

"Will you ever let that go?" Garrus crossed his arms. Good. Back to best friend banter, as things should be.

"Never."

There was a long pause after that. They sat right next to each other and the air got still again, like there was something charging up. It started to make Anya's skin itch. But then Garrus leaned back into the couch and asked her, like it was simple, "So, how are you feeling?"

She stared into her hands and tried honesty. "Still a little raw. It's going to take awhile for it not to hurt so much. But it's better. You helped make it better."

"I'm happy I could."

That's when she looked up at him, trying to be her white knight of emotional trauma. Sure, she was a fucking mess, but he had scars, too. And she wasn't just going to let him lean back there and bottle anything up, either. She put her hand on his knee and tried to show him how serious she was. "Are you doing okay? Sure, I'm the Commander, but Ash was your teammate, too. And I did make some tough calls."

He almost looked like he was about to crack a joke, but then he sighed and leaned forward, closer to her. Garrus said, "As fine as one can be before a war. I wasn't close to Ash, because she was kinda squeamish about the whole turian thing, but she was getting better at the end. It would've been nice to get to know her. It does make me feel like I need to do more to help the galaxy, now that Saren's gone. I need to be more than just a rogue C-Sec officer." With them both leaning on their knees, he turned his face and they locked eyes. He looked so vulnerable and honest, things she admired so much in him. At least, because that's how he was with her. "Thanks for asking, Shepard."

So the least she could do was keep herself honest for him, too, when it came to the important stuff. Anya smiled at him and said, "If you're willing to carry my emotional baggage, I can be here for yours."

She didn't mean to do this, but again they were close, and again she remembered that maybe he could be something more than a friend. And they weren't leaning in or anything, but looking at his face in her room, just being there for each other? It just meant so much. She didn't want having him by her side to ever end, friendship or not.

But just as she was about to say something dumb and sentimental, Joker sat up and walked over to her bathroom and started puking. The mood, whatever it was, was definitely killed. With a grimace, they both stood up and Anya said, "I should probably take care of that."

"And I'd probably just get in the way. Call it a night?"

"Calling it. But it was a good one." Then they heard another gag and stream of vomit into her toilet. Patting Garrus' shoulder, Anya couldn't say out loud how much she didn't want him to leave. If she didn't know any better, he was looking at her a little lingering, too. But maybe he was just concerned about how'd she do, post funeral and taking care of Joker. So she reassured him, "I can take care of us and I'll be okay. It's practically muscle memory at this point."

He laughed while he walked out of her door. "Alright. Goodnight, Shepard."

"Goodnight, Garrus."

From the bathroom, Joker yelled, "Night, Garrus!"

"Night, Joker." In the doorway, they looked at each other, and Anya almost wanted to say it. Just ask him to come back in, give him a datapad game to play, they could spend more time together once Joker would stop puking. Anything. She just wanted him to stay. But instead, Garrus gave her a flimsy salute and said, "See you tomorrow."

And she let the door shut behind him.

Anya walked back into her bathroom and took Joker's hat off so it wouldn't fall into any of his alcohol overdose. While it was nowhere near poisoning, Joker clearly drank more than he should. She sat down next to him and waited on standby for any emergencies. In a moment of clarity, he turned his face to look at her, all groggy. "You and Garrus a thing?" Before she could set him straight, he started laughing and shook his own head. "What would you guys do with all those ass sticks? That's too many sticks, Anya. Also you bruise easy and he's a walking hawk dinosaur. Nah, that'd be silly."

Right. It would be silly.

Interspecies awkwardness, or something.

That didn't stop her from thinking about how every time she was with him, things felt right.

She grabbed a water bottle from under the sink (preparation for this eventuality) and handed it to him. "Drink up. We don't need our pilot hungover."

"I could do it."

"I know you could. But I still prefer you sober."

"Fair enough."

And so she helped her pilot get his shit together, because it was the least she could do when she was still struggling to figure out hers.

///

Just a heads up, I’m only posting every day to catch up to where I’m currently at in the AO3 version of this story (which went through an intermission and is 6 chapters into ME 2 already) 

Hyped that you guys seem to enjoy! 

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support the story, please go check out my bio for more info :) (Hint: patreon.com/gracejordan)

Also I tweet funny things sometimes: @Steph_Marceau 

[gamedevhacks]

All Xbox Game Pass Games That Have Been Removed

Microsoft’s Xbox Game Pass carrier is quite fantastic. For $9.ninety nine a month, gamers can get get entry to to over 100 games playable at the Xbox One. While video games are continuously added, a few do get removed. Here’s all Xbox Game Pass games that have been eliminated from the service since it began. Learn how to cancel xbox game pass Xbox Game Pass presently boasts over one hundred titles that can all be downloaded onto your gadget and played at you leisure. This consists of Xbox 360 and authentic Xbox games, as well as a plethora of titles designed for the current machine. 

As lengthy as those games are still to be had thru the Game Pass provider and you’re subscribed, you can play it for as long as you like. However, if you heard that a game was available on Xbox Game Pass, and can now not find it, you'll be a chunk stuck. Below, you’ll discover a whole listing of all Xbox Game Pass games that have been removed from the service since it started. We’ve additionally made a be aware next to any video games that have been re-delivered on account that being removed, as this has befell in a few instances. That’s all the video games to be eliminated from Xbox Game Pass since the provider released again in 2017. 

We’ll hold to update this put up with any video games that Microsoft put off from the Xbox Game Pass provider moving forward. For greater tips, tricks, and guides on the entirety video video games, make sure to search for Twinfinite. You can also take a look at out our list of exceptional games on Xbox Game Pass, too, must you be looking for something to play. Today Sega launched a modern gallery of screenshots of the imminent JRPG Yakuza: Like a Dragon, recognised in Japan as Ryu ga Gotoku 7: Whereabouts of Light and Darkness. This time round we communicate about Sujimon, the darkie and seedy homage to Pokemon. 

Our hero Ichiban Kasuga is all of sudden attacked and after repelling the attackers he's approached by using a mysterious character who calls himself Dr. Sujimon. After following him to his lab, Ichiban learns that the health practitioner calls dangerous people inside the metropolis “Sujimon” and he created an app named “Sujimon Encyclopedia” as a way to collect statistics and help to preserve the peace. Since Ichiban and his friends appear like strong, Dr. Sujimon asks them to assist him out. That’s how our hero’s course as a “Sujimon Master” begins. By combating enemies the Sujimon Encyclopedia automatically records statistics, and the doctor organized Red, Blue, and Green Sujimon for a test.

 The Encyclopedia will, in turn, provide facts on location, skills, vulnerable points, and possible item drop. There are 252 distinctive Sujimon to “collect” and whilst you defeat them, they are routinely recorded at the app. On pinnacle of the Sujimon feature, we find out about a few substories. One focuses on a legendary weapon save in Isezaki Ijincho, run via a man named Chau. It sells powerful weapons, however Ichiban will must go through a trial which will be frequent as a customer. Apparently, Chau knows lots approximately the vintage Toji Clan, and he appears unusually familiar… Another side tale activates Ichiban to help out Dr. Okita in growing a giant vacuum cleanser robot in order to make the town shine. A 0.33 quest will bring our hero to an animal circus, and he’ll ought to deal with an escaped bear. 

If you’d want to see extra about Yakuza: Like a Dragon, you may test out the cutting-edge trailer, the preceding trailer that discovered iconic hero Kazuma Kiryu, some gameplay from a few days ago, more gameplay showing all the jobs, a few focusing on minigames, a batch of screenshots introducing the guys of the Seiryukai, greater displaying the Omi Union crew, some female characters to be able to help Ichiban Kasuga, a look at some inevitable product placement, one the at conflict mechanics, any other displaying enemies and summons, one focusing on earning money at the beginning of the recreation, one showcasing more advanced money-making activities, any other on the new metropolis Isezaki Ijincho, one on the Human Power stats, one at the Dragon Kart minigame, and one showcasing the Bleach Japan organization. 

Yakuza: Like a Dragon will launch in Japan on January 16, 2020, solely for PS4. It’ll additionally come west later next year, and a demo is already available on the Japanese PSN. Today Aniplex announced the creation of a new game emblem named Aniplex.Exe to be able to consciousness on video video games and more specially visual novels. The brand’s motto is “It’s a singular sport, so it’s fun. The first two video games to launch beneath the brand have already been announced, and they're ATRI: My Dear Moments by way of Frontwing and Makura, and Adabana Odd Tales with the aid of Liar-soft. Below you could check out the trailer introducing the emblem and the video games. 

Both video games will launch for PC in 2020 and will include Japanese, English, Simplified Chinese, and Traditional Chinese languages. They’re aimed in any respect ages, and Aniplex intends to paintings on video games every body can enjoy, including those who love visual novels today, the ones who've inside the past, and those who in no way tried them. The statement has been made simply in time for Comiket ninety seven which starts the following day in Tokyo. In order to celebrate, there will be promotional vehicles circling around the venue and branded baggage might be allotted at the Aniplex booth, Considering that the Aniplex emblem is simply a well-known name in the industry, it’ll be exciting to see what form of impact this initiative will have on the visible novel market.

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast: Volume 2, Episode 7: Earth Gems

Season 2, Episode 7 of the Steven Universe Podcast, released March 8, 2018, is about the so-called Earth Gems, and it covers Jasper, Bismuth, and Rose Quartz. The official description:

Rose Quartz, Bismuth, and Jasper are the focus of this episode of the Steven Universe Podcast as take a closer look at Earth Gems! Steven Universe creator Rebecca Sugar, former EP, Ian Jones-Quartey, Director Joe Johnston, and Supervising Director Kat Morris detail Bismuth's origins (including how she came to be in Lion's mane), Jasper's personality development, and Steven's complicated view of his mother, Rose Quartz. Discover which characters have been around since the pilot days, who was added as the series developed, and how Rose's storyline gets factored into each episode's planning.

Since as usual my summary is long, I will provide a highlights list followed by a cut which you can follow for a more in-depth narrative. Enjoy!

Highlights:

Jasper's main root as a character is her identity as a decorated soldier from humble origins.

Jasper, a so-called "perfect" Quartz from a Kindergarten known to produce flawed Gems, won't accept help from others because she's so determined to prove she's capable. She may be the best Gem from Earth, but she's still from Earth.

Joe Johnston was the artist who drew Bismuth's Gem bubbled in Lion's mane, but at that point they did not yet have the story of who she was figured out, though they did know there would be a "lost Crystal Gem."

Steven Sugar's tendency to add Gem artifacts into the world, most notably weapons, gave rise to the writers' need to give the Crystal Gems a weaponsmith, so Bismuth as a character grew out of that hole needing to be filled.

Bismuth adored Rose Quartz and was never allowed to understand why her leader rejected her contribution, which Rebecca and Ian compare to the trope of a villain mistreating her subordinates. 

Bismuth, in Rebecca Sugar's words, was "screwed over" epically by Rose Quartz.

Rebecca and Ian specify that Rose was wrong to do what she did to Bismuth, and that it was significant because it's so clear for the first time that Rose could have made such a clear mistake.

Rebecca makes a lot of charts to help understand what story elements need to be doled out when.

Ian loves that Pearl tells us Rose has LOTS of secrets.

Rebecca loves that all of Steven's compassion actually comes from Greg. Steven is described as a compassionate warrior, with "compassionate" coming from Greg and "warrior" coming from Rose.

Jasper is a corny anime villain at first, and we can credit Paul Villeco's love of shonen anime and manga for this.

Joe Johnston finds it refreshing that Steven couldn't turn Jasper's alignment around, and says it's because Jasper held onto her anger and couldn't be forced to be someone else.

Jasper's tendency toward bullying is rooted in feeling heartbroken over the loss of Pink Diamond. She identified very strongly as a servant of her Diamond.

Joe and Kat are pretty sure that Lapis was Jasper's first fusion experience ever.

Joe Johnston often puts "breadcrumbs" in his episodes; he puts in stuff he doesn't have plans for and figures maybe it will be something later. Bismuth's Gem in Lion's Mane was not dictated by Rebecca Sugar like the tee shirt or Rose's flag; it was a Joe breadcrumb.

Twenty-two-minute episodes were the network's idea, not something the Crew specifically wanted to do.

Joe Johnston can't say enough good things about Uzo Aduba's voice acting as Bismuth; every read was "perfect," according to him.

Early character designs of Bismuth included black eyes (to indicate her Gem's inverted state) and some early designs had her with very skinny legs. She always had dreadlocks.

Kat emphasizes that Bismuth is not and was never intended to be "a bad guy." She has different ideology, and her episode shows a situation where the audience is meant to see the value of her point and nobody's 100% right.

Jasper and Bismuth are more different than similar, despite both being big and strong and partial to bludgeoning weapons. Jasper is highly respected and wants to preserve the order of the Diamonds, while Bismuth is a low-class blue-collar worker who has realized things don't have to be this way and dedicates herself to destroying that order.

You can read the detailed summary below!

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

McKenzie Atwood opens the podcast by explaining this episode's title: "Earth Gems" refers to three very different characters who are connected through the Gem War on Earth.

Rebecca Sugar and Ian Jones-Quartey on Jasper:

McKenzie asks Rebecca and Ian what effect they intended Jasper's arc to have on the audience. Rebecca says she really wanted Jasper to SEEM one-dimensional even though she isn't; her behavior has a "root" and we at first only get the foliage. We don't realize at first that Jasper has become involved in this plot due to her connection to Rose Quartz, feeling that she has unfinished business on Earth. Obviously her connection is quite personal even though she really doesn't show anyone those feelings.

McKenzie mentions Jasper being described on a previous podcast as a decorated soldier with humble origins, and Rebecca claims that description is Jasper's "everything." She's from Earth, but very different from Amethyst--Amethyst was from a pretty successful Kindergarten, while Jasper is from the worst Kindergarten on this awful failure of a planet. Jasper burns to prove her worth because everyone around her knows she's from Earth's Beta Kindergarten and therefore must be flawed on some level. Jasper feels she can never escape being associated with Rose Quartz even though she was supposedly the best thing that came out of Earth.

Ian remarks that Jasper chooses her words to show off pride and bravado, with no hint of the emotions beneath--that she feels she's fundamentally wrong and that she doesn't deserve the reputation she has. She thinks she's horrible, but Rebecca and Ian say they love her. Ian says Jasper is an example of how the system on Homeworld can fail Gems who don't quite fit the mold; externally she is a model Gem, but she never internally feels she deserves her reputation.

Rebecca Sugar and Ian Jones-Quartey on Bismuth:

McKenzie asks her guests to discuss when they started talking about introducing Bismuth. She mentions seeing the bubbled Gem in Season 1 (in "Lion 3: Straight to Video") and how fans recall that first exposure. Joe Johnston was the one who drew that in, knowing later they'd do SOMETHING with it, and then also there were early talks about a lost Crystal Gem. An early idea included Bismuth being not fully conscious, but they decided not to use it. They did figure out Bismuth pretty early on. Ian says Steven Sugar was always dropping weapons around the backgrounds, and they figured they needed a weaponsmith to explain where these things came from. From there, Bismuth was easy to develop. She's described as a "gooey center of the team."

McKenzie wants to know why they decided to unbubble Bismuth in Season 3. Rebecca says everyone's feelings about Rose Quartz were being examined at that point, and a turning point included the perspective that Rose could be a "really awful person." Ian likes the trope about a villain mistreating their subordinates, and wanted to show Rose as the person who was bad to Bismuth. Rebecca says Rose did such wrong to Bismuth--that Bismuth would have done anything for Rose, and when she came up with a weapon that supposedly served her agenda, she rejected it and rejected Bismuth for reasons she never understood.

Unlike Jasper's history with Rose being built on their being enemies from the start, Bismuth IDOLIZED Rose and was, as Rebecca says, totally "screwed over" by her. It breaks Rebecca's heart that Bismuth still speaks of Rose with such love, still crediting her for changing her life in such a positive way. Rebecca loves giving Bismuth "little triangular eyelashes" during the scene when she talks about what a difference Rose made for her. 

Ian says Season 3 was the best time to include Bismuth's arc representing a break from the lore they've been establishing regarding the Crystal Gems' mission. From a writing standpoint, you have to build up the status quo for a while before you break from it. It would have had no meaning to reveal Bismuth earlier if you didn't already have an understanding of what it would mean to be a lost Crystal Gem and didn't already have some feelings about who Rose has been drawn up to be. Ian thinks of it as being one of the first "Rose wasn't perfect at all" stories. Rose was WRONG.

Rebecca also feels that this is a huge turning point for Steven because he is so confused and guilty over Bismuth, balanced against what he's been taught about his mother by his family. In "Mindful Education," he's shown to still be devastated by how he's failed Bismuth--he isn't afraid of her attacking him, he's disappointed in himself for being unable to help her. He knows he needs to carry baggage from a former life he didn't really live, but Bismuth was the first indication that he has inherited something "wrong with the Crystal Gems." McKenzie thinks it's interesting for a character who isn't present to have a character arc.

Rebecca Sugar and Ian Jones-Quartey on Rose Quartz:

When discussing pacing of all these story elements attached to who Rose Quartz was, Rebecca describes writing it like building a tower; they have to have given you all the pieces when they decide to reveal something so it will make sense when they tell that story, so they have to be very careful about the order in which they reveal the pieces. Rebecca makes a lot of charts. General ideas had to be developed into specific pieces of information they have to show us. The viewer doesn't get the story about Rose in order, either. Steven is told what he is "supposed to" think, but he slowly realizes how many revelations there are out there that revise his perceptions. This is complicated, Rebecca says, by the fact that half the people giving him information think he IS his mother.

Rebecca loves that everyone is SINCERE about how they talk to Steven about Rose, too; no one is actively trying to trick him, even though they may have incomplete information. Ian specifies that he loves that Pearl reveals Rose has a LOT of secrets. Rebecca specifies that Steven's compassion is all coming from GREG. Rose was interested in that; she knows she didn't understand it, but you see how she fails at compassion during "We Need to Talk." Steven is a compassionate warrior. The compassion is Greg's. The warrior is Rose.

Joe Johnston and Kat Morris on Jasper:

McKenzie was wondering about how animation is like acting with regards to writing dialogue or choosing expressions, and asks Joe and Kat to discuss this in relation to Jasper. Joe says they'd never had a traditional villain before Jasper, and despite that she is NOT really a traditional villain, she comes off as "menacing" and "corny" at the beginning. This is credited to Paul Villeco's love of shonen manga and anime--she's sort of a JoJo-inspired bad guy. (This refers to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.)

McKenzie thinks it's interesting that Jasper is the first antagonist who has not been traditionally redeemed and converted to the other side. Joe thinks it's refreshing to have someone Steven wasn't able to recruit in his traditional way, and suggests it's because Jasper wanted to hold onto her anger. She didn't want to change, and couldn't be forced. Jasper has been told since she emerged that she was perfect, and that's what she wants to be--not Steven's band of uplifted flawed Gems. McKenzie asks if it was impactful for Steven to see Jasper refuse to be reached, and Paul thinks he didn't really get to process that since he also had a Pink Diamond-related reveal to deal with. Joe points out that Lars also stubbornly resisted Steven's influence for a very long time, though at least Lars hasn't tried to kill Steven. (Yet! No, that was a joke.)

McKenzie brings up how Jasper gets a lot of love from fans because she has so much beneath the surface, even though she isn't onscreen often. Kat says that's done by treating her like a person; no one is 100% evil all the time, and Jasper isn't evil so much as having a set of values that are not shared by the protagonists. Jasper bullies others because of her pent-up feelings, and she expresses her heartbreak over Pink Diamond's shattering through acting aggressively toward others. It made her relationship with Lapis really complicated, too.

McKenzie brings up "Jailbreak" and asks Joe to discuss his first time drawing Jasper in action. Joe says he was really ready to do it; there had been no "main antagonist" until Jasper and he really looked forward to it. He thinks they started boarding "Jailbreak" before "The Return." Kat thinks Jasper had been written some before they began work on "Jailbreak," but since Rebecca had pretty clear ideas about who she was, it was possible to board out of order. Some work had been done on Jasper before Paul had to board her introduction in "The Return." Rebecca sometimes writes a sheet with some character points and drawings for each new character.

McKenzie then brings up "Alone at Sea," asking Kat to discuss how different that was from "Jailbreak" where Jasper was a physical threat versus how she presented more as an emotional threat to Lapis in this later episode. Kat says she consulted with Rebecca and Hilary a lot to push this story out. Jasper has had a lot of time to think since hanging out in the ocean after her Fusion broke up, and now she's concluded she has a different perspective than she used to about fusion. Jasper realized she could become more powerful through fusion and became "addicted to it." In "Jailbreak" they just needed her to present as an uncomplicated villain (and they didn't have room for much more), but in "Alone at Sea" they could show the why, the how, of her actions.

Kat boarded acts 1 and 3--"the boat stuff," she says. She says there were many versions of the episode. They initially called the episode "Boat Murderer." The boat was supposed to keep breaking down and eventually you find out Jasper was doing it. The episode kept shifting until it became what it finally was. Kat usually doesn't board--"Alone at Sea" was, as she describes it, her stepping in as a pinch hitter. McKenzie asks about whether she had any issues with drawing Jasper, and she says she draws on every episode so it wasn't really anything new for her, especially since she was in charge of the arc associated with Amethyst's season 3 arc. Kat felt that Amethyst was due for some development after they'd already tackled some Pearl and Garnet stuff in the Sardonyx arc. Jasper was a great opposite to Amethyst in that arc because Jasper was big, strong, and a soldier--what Amethyst was supposed to be. She thought she was okay with not being what she was made to be, but then she gets "annihilated" in "Crack the Whip" and realizes maybe she's not okay with any of it. Steven helps bring her through that rough personal place.

Joe Johnston and Kat Morris on Bismuth:

Everyone agrees that they loved Bismuth on first sight. Joe brings up throwing Bismuth's bubble into Lion's mane in "Lion 3: Straight to Video." He had no plan at that point. Kat says Joe LOVES to do stuff like that, and calls them "breadcrumbs." He initially thought maybe it would have been a Gem device or a portable warp. They agree he didn't need such a thing because Steven is pretty OP actually. Rebecca wanted "pieces of lore thrown about the living room," so this was part of it. Rebecca then developed who Bismuth would be. McKenzie loves how before Bismuth's reveal, fans would wonder about who Bismuth might be whenever they'd see her Gem in Lion.

When prompted to discuss what they love about Bismuth, Kat says she loves how much Bismuth loves the Crystal Gems, and Joe loves how Bismuth and Jasper are both "patriotic" for their side. Joe likes to play with how Jasper and Bismuth are both so dedicated to their cause. (It is agreed that a shouting match between them would be very loud and not end well.) McKenzie wonders how difficult it is to develop such a big character, and Joe describes having a chance to all have a pass at the character to finalize new characters. They credit Lamar with her humor and how her voice is delivered, and Kat thinks it's really cute when Bismuth was getting emotional.

McKenzie brings up "Bismuth" being the first 22-minute episode and the 99th/100th episode, and asks how that's different from the usual 11-minute episodes. Kat says there's more post to do. Joe thinks it's twice as hard. Kat says there are more board artists to "wrangle" and more picture to lock, sound effects to add, etc. Joe felt it was harder to adjust to the flow of 22 minutes after being used to squeezing for 11 minutes, and that sometimes it almost seemed like too much time, but Kat also likes that it could "breathe" a little and have some important quiet moments. They think the little bumpers were Joe's idea, but he says he won't take credit for the idea--just for drawing them.

McKenzie wants to know about the decision to do a 22-minute episode, and Joe and Kat said it was the network's idea; they wanted at least two half-hour specials, maybe three but they only got to do two. (The other was "Gem Harvest.") They then discuss having a special guest voice actor for an episode like this. Joe heaps praise on Bismuth's voice actor Uzo Aduba, saying every read she gave was perfect. Kat says it's disappointing when they can't meet great voice actors like her because their involvement is so brief.

Kat remembers Bismuth's initial character design having black eyes, intending to reflect the style of her inverted Gem, but they scrapped the design because it looked too suspicious. Joe says Bismuth was written to be very aggressive and gung-ho and got "put away" for how she expressed that. They recall Bismuth always having dreadlocks (they may not have always been rainbow), but some designs having very skinny legs early on. (Same with Smoky Quartz.) 

Kat wants to specify that Bismuth is NOT a bad guy whatsoever; she just has a different ideology. Her ideology is relatable, actually; she thinks half the audience probably agrees with Bismuth. Rose, being a "gray" character, punished Bismuth for not aligning with her own philosophy, but Kat and Joe think nobody was clearly right or wrong in the episode and that was the point of telling that story in the first place. Moral ambiguity is very important, and Rose isn't All Things Pure. Joe thinks Steven believed there was one "right" way to see the situation, but wasn't willing to fight Bismuth over it.

McKenzie asks Kat and Joe to say what is similar between Bismuth and Jasper. "Size," says Kat. Joe adds, "Muscles. Bludgeoning weapons." They're more different than the same; Bismuth is basically a blue-collar construction worker, in the dirt, while Jasper is a super-respected warrior. Bismuth rebelled when she found out she didn't have to be that way and wants anarchy, while Jasper wants the order to remain forever. Joe expresses that Bismuth's anarchist tendencies are cool, and Kat jokingly scolds him for inciting anarchy. But the Rule of Cool indicates that if something's cool, it's just cool, and it stays.

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[nikfix]

Cranking Up the Gain with Neverdie’s Tani Cariño and Bren Pasamba

(Photo source: http://www.redhorsebeer.com/index.php/blogs/article/5-local-releases-to-watch-out-for)

NEVERDIE might be over, but hopefully, posting my gear feature about them isn’t too late. I’ve seen these guys around, and I’m really impressed with what they‘ve done as a unit. They brought the house down the moment they played the first set in their second to the last April 14 at Saguijo, Makati. They played their last gig the week after at Mow’s,  Matalino, Quezon City. The energy and power these guys shared onstage is something I strive to have with the gigs I play. In this gig, I made some new friends with guitarists Tani Cariño and Bren Pasamba.

(This interview was done last month, the week after Garage Morning’s gig with them)

Fun Fact: their bassist Lip Dalangin is my trusted luthier, as well as with my band Garage Morning. 

How did you start making music and playing guitar?

Tani: I started in the late 90’s after my older brother taught me how to play “Basket Case” by Green Day. I guess after that it’s never been the same.

Bren: Originally I wanted to play the drums, but a kit was too expensive and our house at the time wasn't big enough to have space for one... or handle the noise. So as a compromise my mom borrowed an old classical guitar for me instead. But my first real guitar was a Rockstar classical guitar where I learned and played Eraserheads songs.

How did your band start out?

Tani: Neverdie started out as a skate crew. After accumulating enough guys in the crew we decided to form a band. I guess after the last show, we’ll go back to being a skate crew.

Bren: I wasn't supposed to be part of Neverdie initially, just a seessionist. But since my schedule was more flexible, I got in haha.

Who are your main influences? And how did they inspire you to play better?

Tani: I’m a huge Blink guy so my first primary influence would be Tom DeLonge and Mark Hoppus. I also took a bunch of ideas from Rufio, Mock Orange and Moneen. More recently, I’ve been influenced by bands like Title Fight, Transit, You Blew It! and The Menzingers.

All these bands are quite melodic in the midst of grit which is what I lean more into. I love the melodic stuff and I always try to listen to new bands so I can get new ideas from them. My foundation for riffs are the Tom DeLonge influenced ones then I just expand from there.

Bren: As a kid my main influences were Ely Buendia and Tom DeLonge haha. But as I grew older and started discovering more music (thanks to Myspace and Limewire) it introduced me to those who influence my music and playing now. From the top of my head: Taking Back Sunday's John Nolan, Brand New's Jesse Lacey, George Harrison, Nothing's Brandon Setta, Title Fight's Jamie Rhoden, Mong and Diego from andwich, Steve and Pakoy from Typecast, David Gilmour, and Kevin Shields, the guys from You Blew It!, The Flatliners, Joyce Manor, and lastly Beast Jesus' Francis Maria and Raphael Pulgar are my inspirations to play although I'm aware it doesn't show in my playing haha. Listening to the songs they've made just inspire me to play in general, nothing in the terms of technique or technicality, pero their playing gets me in the mood to play.

Tell us more about your music.

Tani: Aside from Neverdie, I also play in Irrevocable and Lindenwood. Unfortunately, both Neverdie and Lindenwood are currently calling it a day for different reasons. I personally felt that us in Neverdie just overstayed our welcome. We decided to just finish the band off and start a new band with a slightly different sound. It’ll be our last show / 2nd full length release on April 21 at Mow’s.

As for Lindenwood, our vocalist just decided he wanted to try different things outside of music. Maybe at some point we’ll be back but at the moment it’ll be good for us to take a break. We put out a full length last year.

I’m currently active in Irrevocable which is a band my girlfriend is also in. Featuring members of Nyctinasty (now 3/3), Behind Bears, Beast Jesus, Past Forward, The Oemons, Browse in Bridge and Disquiet Apartment. We have a Singapore show and an album release coming up. We’re planning more fly shows after that so I hope we pull through!

Bren: Neverdie has and always has been a pop punk band though we are and have been influenced by math rock, emo, post-hardcore, hardcore, etc. So whatever happens after, it will be in the same spectrum. As for my future plans, hopefully I get a job soon after my masters because I've been eyeing so many guitars and pedals online haha. GAS is too strong.

Tell us about your guitars. Which is your favorite one and why?

Tani: I’ve been a Tele player for the longest time but I’ve recently started using Rickenbackers for many reasons. I like how not a lot of people use them and they sound different. I do have to work harder to make them sound amazing but it’s always a great pay off.  They’re durable as well because of the all maple build. Here’s my current lineup of guitars:

1) 2000 Rickenbacker Fireglo 330 – My first Rick. I was actually supposed to trade a bunch of guitars for a 60’s American Vintage Tele but when I saw this in the room of the guy I was trading with, I asked him I could grab this instead and he agreed. Rickenbacker stopped using Bubinga for their fretboards so I’m stoked I was able to grab one. I also got lucky with this one because it has the Toaster pickups.

2) 2014 Rickenbacker Blue Boy 330 – If you ask me, it looks more like a Seafoam Green 330. This one has the High Gain pickups and the newer Caribbean Rosewood fretboard. I like Bubinga but I actually prefer the color and feel of the Caribbean Rosewood more plus it’s sustainable.3) 2007 Rickenbacker Blue Burst 360 – I actually had to ask around for this guitar because I saw the dude from Oh Flamingo! use it. He borrowed it from a friend and I sent that dude a message. This one has the High Gain pickups and Bubinga fretboard. To me, if my 330s feels like a Gibson 335 then this one feels more like a Les Paul.  

3) 2007 Rickenbacker Blue Burst 360 – I actually had to ask around for this guitar because I saw the dude from Oh Flamingo! use it. He borrowed it from a friend and I sent that dude a message. This one has the High Gain pickups and Bubinga fretboard. To me, if my 330s feels like a Gibson 335 then this one feels more like a Les Paul.

4) 2008 Fender Custom Shop Custom Classic Telecaster – My first Custom Shop. I fitted a Miles Anodized Gold pickguard in it. It has the premium ash 1 pc body and the flamed maple neck. Serial number says it’s made in 2005 but the paperwork says it’s 2008. Easily the best Telecaster I’ve ever owned.

5) 2015 Fender Mexico Classic Series 72’ Telecaster Custom – A birthday gift from my folks. I got this in Tom Lee HK. It’s heavily modified at this point. I added Graphtech string trees, Graphtech 3 barrrel saddles, 1 meg pots on the neck, a Bareknuckle flat ’52 on the bridge. I might get a Wide Range neck pickup that’s spec’d more like the vintage ones down the road.

6) 2011 Fender Mexico Blacktop Telecaster – Another birthday gift from my folks. I got this in Tom Lee HK as well. Also, heavily modified at this point. I added Graphtech string trees, Graphtech 6 saddles, Graphtech Nut, Tesla PAF on the neck, Seymour Duncan Prails on the bridge, anodized black Miles pickguard, Ernie Ball knobs. I have a Bareknuckle humbucker sized P90 on the way and I’ll be fitting it on here. I’m also thinking of swapping out the tuners for the locking ones.

7) 2014 Miles Interloper – I have a guitar business called Miles (currently in hiatus) and this is the first prototype. It’s a Jazzmaster body with a telecaster neck. Fitted with a roller bridge, tune-o-matic stoptail, one volume knob and, Seymour Duncan Jazzmaster Antiquities. Pine body and a maple neck with a kamagong fretboard. I used this on the road so much. It’s pretty beat up so it’s retired at this point.  

As for favorites, at the moment it’s both 330s and the Custom Shop Tele. All guitars are fitted with DiMarzio Cliplocks and Elixir Nanoweb strings.

Bren: Initially I was a Les Paul guy until Tani forced everyone in Neverdie to get Telecasters. Prior to that I always dreamt of getting a Les Paul though my first guitar was a Strat copy (which I think is the most common starting point for beginners?). But I discovered and fell in love with Offset guitars, particularly Jazzmasters. I love how they look and feel being a bigger guy. I have a White and tort Squier VM Jaguar, a Red and Tort Squier VM Jazzmaster, a Black and tort Riverhead Jazzmaster, a Miles Guitars Interloper (Telemaster), a Black on Black MICSIS Custom Jazzblaster, and a Black and Gold Fender Blacktop Jazzmaster, my "Number 1", on my rotation. But my current favorites are my Stratocasters. I fell back into them a year ago thanks to Nothing. Whenever I feel like switching things up I use either my Black on Black MIM Fender Squier series Stratocaster or a Cream on tort MIJ Fender Stratocaster. I bought a white on mint SX Stratocaster on a whim because I loved the color haha though I've never used it. Still on the hunt for a Telecustom haha.

Let’s take a look at your pedalboard. What effects do you use live?

I used to run with a bigger pedalboard but after doing one fly show wherein I had to pay for my overweight baggage, I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore especially since I always bring my amps to non-fly shows anyway. Nowadays, I just run with a boost, a small reverb that’s maxed out to act both like a delay and a normal reverb depending on the situation, an amp based OD (or parametric EQ), a tuner and a wireless rig.

For this year, the mainstays on my board are the following:

Shure PGX14 Wireless Unit – My dad gave this to me as a birthday gift back in 2006 if I’m not mistaken. It’s the piece of gear that I’ve had the longest and still use to this day.

Korg Mini Tuner – I’ve been using regular sized Korg Pitchblacks for awhile now so going with the mini tuner just made sense especially since I downsized. I absolutely hate clip on tuners for live use so I just prefer pedal tuners as they react faster.

Vitoos ISO8 – I only got this last week. It’s my first time using an Isolated PSU since I recently got a pedal that requires it. Most PSU’s are made in China so I had no issue with getting a relatively unknown brand. It’s my second Vitoos PSU and I’ve always had a great experience with them. Also helpful when you need to play shows in other countries that don’t use the same power voltage you normally do since it’s rated internationally. Get one at Guitar Pusher. Highly recommended!

Orange Two Stroke – Another pedal I just got this year. I’ve been eyeing this one for awhile now but I couldn’t pull the trigger just yet because It was so confusing to use then one day I just decided to go for it and I’ve been using it ever since. It’s a great Parametric EQ / Clean Boost pedal which dials my tone better and makes use of my amp more. Orange amps are typically dark amps so I use this to raise a bit of the high mids. Probably the most versatile pedal I have because it can do so much it’s insane. You can place it anywhere on the board, you can use it for acoustic or bass, you can turn your single coil guitar into a humbucker or vice versa, you can use it as a regular OD or boost pedal, etc etc. Highly recommended!

For my boost, I switch between a bunch of Wamplers (Euphoria, Pinnacle, Plexi Drive), a 65 Pedals Colour Boost and, a JHS Superbolt. For future fly shows, I might use two Wamplers instead of the Two Stroke. One for boost and the other to act as my preamp since I can’t bring my amps with me. I also have an Orange Amp Detonator which is an ABY pedal. I haven’t used it live but I will if I’m suddenly lacking one guitar player in any band I am. I also use Lava cables.

I also have a separate board at home. I just plug in my live board beside it. For my home board I have a NUX JTC Looper on that for practicing and writing songs. I also have one of the ODs above on it as well so I can play with different tones at home.

Bren: From the guitar I go into my Devi Ever Hyperion to my Snark Tuner then to a Diamond J-Drive MK3, to a TC Electronic Flashback X4, to a TC Electronic Hall of Fame Reverb. This is where my board really ends, but I have 2 loopers at the end: a TC Electronic Ditto and a Boss RC-3. The Ditto I use at home when just playing around, and the RC-3 I use live as a sampler, for comic relief haha.

I’ve seen Tani bring this amazing Orange TH30 Head with a 4x12 cab. What amps do you use at home and live?

Tani: It’s actually a 4x10 cab and I love how it looks like a 4x12. I only started using 10”s last December 2017. I find that the 10” speakers have more detail compared to a 12” so that’s what I’ve been using recently.

I still use my TH30 head and 4x10 cab at home as well as an Orange CR120 head, Orange Dual Terror and an Orange 2x12 open back cabinet. My tube driven Orange heads are setup to have more head room. I placed a 12AT7 tube in the first gain stage rather than a 12AX7 to give the amps a bit more breathing room. All the Orange gear I have sound great both on stage and at low volumes. Tough as nails too.

Bren: I currently have an Ibanez TSA15H paired with a Miles 1x12 Cabinet with Eminence Red White and Blues and an Orange Tiny Terror with an Orange 1x12 Cabinet. I primarily use the Oranges, and mix it up with an Orange Micro Terror as a back-up when I'm feeling lazy. I also have an old Kustom 2x12 Cabinet but it is too bulky to bring to shows.

What are you listening to right now?

Tani: A new record by a band called Fiddlehead released last week called “Springtime and Blind” featuring members of Have Heart and Basement. Scott Sellers of Rufio also put out something new called “The Judge”.

Bren: I've been listening to The Wonder Years’ new album since it came out. Then on rotation I have Daniel Caesar, Citizen, Basement, Modern Baseball, Code Orange and Knuckle Puck when driving. Also Hop Along's new album is good too. I also discovered this new band yesterday called Any Name's Okay, they're good haha. Yeah so far they're who I listen to on a daily basis nowadays.

What advice can you give to your fellow guitar players and musicians who want to play like you do?

Bren: My advice for other players and myself is stop comparing your playing to other people. It'll help you find your own "voice", but it'll help you relax as well as a person and as a musician. Just relax and be comfortable in your own skin... or fingers haha. Learn from those you watch and who's around you, don't compete because it really isn't a competition haha.

Tani: Never skimp out on tuners. Get a high quality pedal tuner because the cheaper ones just don’t react as fast. The more time you tune on stage, the less time you have to play so make sure to get one that tracks well. I’ve had a good experience with the Snark Tuner pedal. I think that’s the cheapest tuner pedal that can track almost as well as a Pitchblack.

Avoid displaying guitars in your room. Keep them in a case when not being used. Always check everything in your gear if it works before the show. Bring a back-up of a back-up because you never know if something will go wrong. Study your gear well to a point that you know if it’s making noise, you can instantly pinpoint the problem. Buy a can of contact cleaner. If it’s making noise, it’s most likely dirty. A quick spray of contact cleaner will usually do the trick.

Practicing regularly with the band is important but it’s also important to practice how to setup and tear down your rig the fastest way possible. I absolutely hate it when bands take so long to setup and tear down.

If you’re going to try and play like someone, don’t just pick one and try to keep an open mind so that you can find your own style in playing.

Most importantly, have fun. If you’re in a band that writes original songs, don’t focus on profit or even if people will like it. Write songs that YOU will like.

[phgq]

Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor

#PHnews: Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor

DAVAO CITY – If there's one thing positive about surviving the coronavirus disease (Covid-19) other than being alive, it is the renewed faith in God and in our fellowmen. This, according to Dean Ortiz, the spokesperson of the Department of Public Works and Highways in Region 11 (DPWH-11) who, until his positive test result for Covid-19 on Oct. 27, thought he was "very careful" enough not to contract the dreaded virus. For one, Ortiz heads the DPWH-11 Covid-19 Coordinating Group, ensuring health protocols are practiced across the organization and its linkages. He said nothing was more terrifying when a supposedly good Tuesday morning filled with positive energy was broken by a Viber message with an attached screenshot of a document with his name on it, in a screaming red, all in capital letters: "POSITIVE". “I guess what happened to me was leadership-by-example personified,” Ortiz said, adding that up until he spoke to the Philippine News Agency on Sunday, his exposure had not been traced to any person or group of individuals. “I underwent an RT-PCR test along with some colleagues on October 27. It wasn't really required because I didn't have any symptoms, to begin with. It was more of an act of leadership mixed with a bit of smugness and confidence, as I always thought of myself as the last person on earth to catch the virus,” he recounted. Ortiz said he was "very careful," especially in his line of duty, and especially because he has a family to take care of. Hours after his diagnosis, he was picked up at home by a van with a crew clad in full Covid-19 protective equipment, he said. Leaving his house with a blank thought, Ortiz said he felt weird sitting at the back of an unlit van where he can only hear the occasional thud, the van's engine, and human voices of the faceless crew. “No facial expressions to draw emotions from, as if emotions had a place in the uncertainty I was faced with. The sound of my own heartbeat was very reassuring and I found myself saying a prayer,” he said.

The patient care center where Dabawenyo Dean Ortiz was put in isolation after contracting the coronavirus in late October 2020. He describes the area as as a well-lit facility, albeit the surroundings were pitch-black. (Photo from Dean Ortiz's Facebook Page)

 Filled with fear, he entered a patient care center that he described as a well-lit facility "but everything around was pitch-black." He said the scene was straight out of a post-apocalyptic movie—dark, cold, terrifying, surreal. “I declared that this was where God wanted me to be, where I will get the help I need, recover, and do some introspection. Whether I like it or not, I am no longer my old self. This experience has changed me already and I intend to come out of it bent in places, but definitely not broken,” Ortiz said. Hope, resentment As soon as he told everyone the news, he said he received a string of calls, social media posts, and private messages that were encouraging and sympathetic. “Some told me to stay strong, to leave everything to God, and not lose hope. Others were not so kind, their words full of resentment, blame, just a tad short of "good riddance." I felt violated and weighed down by insults,” Ortiz shared. In his line of work, however, Ortiz said he learned to be patient and tune out negative things. “I’m used to being called a lot of things. Name it, I've heard it. In from one ear, out from the other side. But in my delicate state, I couldn't help taking offense at the vitriol that was being thrown at me from all sides,” he admitted. "People aren’t crazy enough to get the disease intentionally. I remember my boss saying: Who wants to get it in the first place? His wisdom lingered in my mind through the whole ordeal, he added. Coping up with newfound friends Despite being feeling helpless, Ortiz tried to call people whom he said he never thought that he would ask moral support from. And to his surprise, he said he received no judgment from them. “They reached out to me with genuine compassion and concern and offered to help in any way they could. I had their support and it felt like a huge load was taken off my shoulders. When you're in distress and at your lowest, these small gestures make a world of difference,” he said. He recalled that his first day in the facility was a thrill as the sun was up and he felt cheerful. He checked his surroundings and saw the wide and airy open spaces perfect for jogging, good landscaping, and a perfect spot for plane-spotting. He also tried to make friends with his co-patients, whom he described as “positive with Covid-19 but at the same time positive that they will all get through of it somehow.” “We shared stories of what happened to each of us and how we got there. In the end, we shared one story – discrimination. The hardest part perhaps of being infected is the fact that too many people know too much about the disease yet choose to be uneducated, even ignorant, on how they treat people who have the dreaded disease,” Ortiz added. Coming from different walks of life, he said they all found friendships and saw themselves equal inside the patient care center. “I know these guys won’t forget me for giving them a bottle of ice-cold Coke once in a while, a welcome treat given the circumstances. Good thing I have a good set of friends and relatives who never turned their back on me when I asked for help, as my family back home was under strict quarantine and were forbidden to get out,” he said. Modern-day heroes Ortiz said the doctors, nurses, and their support staff were attentive to their patients as they can be seen coming around the facility three to four times daily to serve their meals, check their vital signs, and clean their rooms. “We may not see their covered faces, but their big hearts showed through and shone like sunlight. I wish I could do more than thank them profusely for their sacrifices, knowing that they too have families and loved one’s back home. Yet, they were there for us, egging us on to beat this disease and easing our suffering while they themselves suffer,” he added. With that realization, he said he lost all reason to complain. "It goes without saying that, during this pandemic and when this is all over, let’s honor their selfless contribution to our country," he said. Along with his “co-positives”, he said they were blessed to have hot meals sent to their rooms every night, and the food served by the city government was not hospital food but that the meals were well-planned, flavorful, nutritious, and satisfying, making his confinement much more bearable.

Dabawenyo Dean Ortiz (extreme left) and his 'co-positive' friends who tested negative for coronavirus disease, shows the clearance proving that they are all virus-free. (Photo from Dean Ortiz's Facebook page)

“I could only imagine how much the city government spends daily on people in isolation and in hospitals. So don't talk to me about how a minor flaw in the Davao QR system and the minor inconveniences make you curse the city government to high heavens. Who are we to judge? Wake me up when you find a perfect government,” Ortiz pointed out.  Renewed faith On November 5, Ortiz was released from isolation after testing negative for the virus. He thanked everyone who helped him get through the toughest eight days of his life. Under the new protocols, Ortiz and his new-found friends inside the patient care center were required to spend 10 days in isolation, counting from the day they underwent the swab test. “Looking back at the experience made me renew my faith in God for giving me another chance to savor the greatest gift I could ever ask for -- my wife and two kids, my 80-year-old mom, my sister, and our working student all testing negative for the virus. Not even the news of a Spice Girls reunion or a Coldplay concert in Davao City could ever match that. God indeed is the greatest,” Ortiz said. He also said that his experience gave him a reason to believe that being (Covid-19) positive ends when positivity begins, and when one allows hope to prevail amidst all the negativity. “Allowing other people's baggage to weigh you down would not help the process of healing from the disease and the stigma that comes with it. Revenge is tempting but a big waste of time. Karma is now digital, so they say,” Ortiz said. (PNA)

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References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1121158 (accessed November 11, 2020 at 07:05AM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Renewed faith: Tale of a Covid-19 survivor." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1121158 (archived).