#whoch is obviously something to fall in love with

[rayshippouuchiha]

So I read a skk and sskk swap fic a while back, and while I wasn’t really fond of Atsushi’s characterization (Felt a bit too extreme for Atsushi, even in the PM), I can’t get my own version of it out of my head

An 11 year old Atsushi getting found in a cage by Mori, thinking he’s finally free, only to be collared like a dog. Yet he still maintains his kindness, his heart

A 13 year old Akutagawa who ends up partnered with Atsushi, who sees his soft, kind smiles and gentle empathy and falls a little bit in love

A 13 year old Atsushi finally snapping under the weight of being Mori’s favorite, of Mori’s experiments (because Mori is a doctor and Atsushi is a medical miracle, it’s only common sense that he’d see how far the boy could be pushed) and threatening to kill him

(A 13 year old Atsushi who has spent enough time around Mori to know he can no longer care, because if Mori saw even a second of weakness, a way to exploit Atsushi in any way, he’d end up back on the table)

A 12 Chuuya who get taken in by the mafia and put under Atsushi’s tutelage, as one God Vessel to another (you can pry God Vessel Atsushi from my cold dead hands), and hopes and prays from the love and affection and understanding he so desires only to get hard, hard not cruel, Chuuya’s only hope for something more, training and cold shoulders

A 14 year old Atsushi who sees this small red head, so obviously desperate for affection in a way Atsushi can’t help but relate to, and shuts down a little more, because he knows what Mori is trying to do and he won’t have it. So he helps in the only way he feels he can, by training the boy to survive and keeping him at arms length, because no matter how strong he may be, Mori would not hesitate to put him on the chopping block to get Atsushi back under his thumb

An 18 year old Akutagawa cursing Atsushi’s name once the news that Atsushi defected reached him. And Akutagawa who is bitter and heartbroken and angry, and has been since those soft smiles and kind sympathy were traded for blank faces and an icy demeanor because how dare Atsushi make him fall in love only to tear it away

A 14 year old Chuuya who spent two years working desperately to be strong enough, in hopes to finally get what he do desperately desired from his mentor only to be left behind

(A 16 year old Atsushi who leaves the mafia for good, because he was foolish enough to get attached and had his heart ripped out for it)

An 18 year old Atsushi walking into the ADA, still working on learning how to care again, how to stop being afraid of love and scalpels, finding a home in Ranpo’s knowing eyes and shared sweets, Yosano’s understanding that goes so mush beyond normal empathy, Kunikida’ good, kind heart and strict schedule, and most importantly, under the President’s ability where he no longer has to be collared anymore

A 20 year old Atsushi fishing a kid out of a river on his off day, and being able to tell immediately he has an ability and listening to his story and offering him a home

An 18 year old Dazai, who fails another suicide attempt only to be saved by Atsushi, in more ways than one. Who gets given a purpose in the agency and Atsushi’s soft smile and finally feels like giving life a chance

A 22 year old Akutagawa who gets handed the case for Atsushi’s bounty because’you we’re the one who knew his capabilities best.’ (Because Mori did not trust he cared more about the mafia than Atsushi) and sees his old partner for the first time in 4 years only to see that smile, the one he fell for o so many years ago, directed at someone else

An 18 year old Chuuya who sees Atsushi and Dazai, who sees some random kid get all the affection and attention he’s ever wanted, and rages

A 20 year old Atsushi who gets confronted by his past, whoch whole never a secret, was so far removed from his current life, and feels his heart break. Because he knows that Akutagawa and Chuuya’s anger are no one’s fault but his own. Who cares so deeply then, however buried, and still does now and wants so desperately to fix it but feels it is far too late

A 18 year old Dazai who ends up in this weird rivalry with this short red head slug from the mafia who wants to take away what finally gave Dazai’s life meaning, but gets pushed to the side when he saves a snap assassin who doesn’t want to kil anymore

I could go on about this forever but I’ll leave it here for now with some small notes

The whole collared thing with Atsushi is based on a fic I read which might have been based on the Beast light novel (I haven’t read it) where the collar is used as a way to control Atsushi’s ability to a lesser extent then All Men are Created Equal by basically being a torture device and constantly making Atsushi heal himself, which he only allows himself to take off when he becomes a manner of the agency and is granted a greater control

For ages, in my mind, Akutagawa is two years older than Atsushi who is two years older than Dazai and Chuuya because it adds to the angst at factor but it also messes up the timeline a bit

I am debating whether to switch Kyouka and Odasaku bc Dazai and Atsushi already have their No kill assassins but that means killing Kyouka so I left it vague

I also left everyone but Akutagawa’s feelings vague. Whether Dazai and Chuuya’s feelings for Atsushi are romantic in nature is ambiguous and this story, told by Atsushi in my mind, leads to Atsushi being so emotionally stunted when it comes to love he cannot differentiate between the types for himself

(I wanted to leave Akutagawa’s feelings vague too but the main thing that tied sskk together in cannon was Dazai and that wasn’t happening here so I decided they needed a little something)

((I also feel there is definitely a possibility for Atsushi to end up with Kunikida or maybe even Ranpo for funsies and all))

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough, I hope you enjoyed and I send you all my well wishes!

Hey hey hey, get your ass back here and give us more of this

[spitinsideme]

In that one post you talked a lot about hands and stuff. I kind of like hands. I think they're pretty great, but for different reasons from what you listed. You seem to know a lot about kinks, so if you don't mind could you do like a reverse diagnoses and try to tell me why Im like this, or what it means? Here are my... symptoms? kink symptoms? I like soft effeminate hands. Rough manly hands are a no-go for me. Also not into penetration. The idea of doing it to someone or having it done to me is scary, but there is something about the sensation of being touched by soft woman hands that gives me butterflies, and the idea of getting to touch soft woman body is exciting. I get that people like things for different reasons, but I don't know what kind of stuff would influence me to have these attractions. Is there any general explanation for what kind of stuff leads to these feelings?

Idk if my gender matters but Im a girl.

(Sorry this turned out longer than I thought it would be. I hope you don't mind me asking about this.) 😖

never evrr ap9ligise for sending me questions about kinks in my inbox do you knlw how little i get nto talk about kinks ? this is literally paradise to me i LOVE talkig to peopoe about kinks and having them ask me questions about kinks this is amazing i love yoi for thos and i will do my very best to .. diagose you ?? i guess. BE WARNED !!! i am going to analyse you a bit, i am going to say shit based on what i thibk personally from the peoppe i have met and youknow the things i know. i coukd be COMPLELTY wrong, but nevertheless, i hope you enjoy and find entertainment in me trying my besy to find out your lore like youre a silly characyter in a dhow or soemthint, have a laugh about it !

fron what i can tell based on what you said, you kind of do fit under the category of things i was talking ahout in my other post about hand kinks, but you fit into like the opposite. the exaft same way women like veiny and rough hands because theyre masculine, you like soft hands becaude thet are feminine ! youre into girls, abd im guessing you are more into feminine women ? honestly there is literally no reason for this except its just your type, you like women so obviously you are going to lije softer hands because they are feminine, isnt that complex ahout it !

you seem to valur touch a lot too, so im guessing youre probbaly a bit touch starved for it but im not here to talk aboit your issues ! one of the reasons you lije hands falls under the "what i can do to them" category of attraction, becaude you see them and yoir first thoufh (fron what you said) is that you want to feel them and not that theyre pretty, whoch honestly links back to that touch starved thing and probbaly i think your love language is physical touch ! a theory of mine is that people with things for hands are actually the sort of peoole who wnat yo be touched more, it usually isnt even sexual but can be (like you said) just wanting to feel someone close to you and feel them there with you. idontknow, im goig to analyee that a bit more sorry if im going off topic about the kinks but im treating this like a "whats your lore" game and seeing what i can get righr ir not

i think you are scared of people leaving you and not being there, whixh is why you value feeling the warmth of someone else with you there so much. it just stood out to me how you didnt say "tbeyre pretty" but that you wanted to touch them, havibg soneone physixally there with you and touxhibg them maybe calms you down and comforts you because youre scared or them leaving, youre probbaly a bit lonely, reallly desperatr for physixal affectiion

back to kinks, youre just into women honestly, i meanx you see hands and one of yoir main thoughts is "god, i want to touch her body" ? yeah, thats just gay. youre a lady whos into other ladies there really is no other complex explanation for that. what you have told me is really jsut common mostly everyone whos into girls feels. going to that "not into penetration" thing, honestly thats probbaly just a preference you have. some peooe dont like penetrations and thats complelty normal i dont think it really has anything to do with your hand kink. a lot of women ive met who arent into penetration because of fear is usually because of guilt or shame at having sexual feelings, and especially acting upon them. i dont think you have that though, you talk about wanting ajd thinking about touching womebs bodies pretty happily, so i honestly think that your no penetration thing is just somethinf you dont like.

in conclusion, i diagnose you with sapphic yearning and lady loving, with a side of touch starved and fear of abandonment and love language physical affection. i dont think what you have couod he considered a hand kink becaude you dont seem .. sexually attracyed to hands ? you just seem to like them a normal amount and just wanting to touch them and then going straugjt to thinking about how the body feels, but im just going basrd off what you have told me here . normal symptoms, you are fine and that is a complelty normal way to feel

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

God I need therapy