#why christ almighty would you let this happen to me I could’ve lived my life in peace not remembering this shit but NOOOO

[daincrediblegg]

Yup. It happened. I am dead horny for Obi-Wan Kenobi in this house tonight

[writersarchivex]

Old Friends- Kyle Spencer Oneshot

a/n: this is kind of trash but i thought it was kinda cute.

warnings: adult language, mentions of death.

Y/N has been attending Robichaux's Academy for a while now, and after years of being here she’s seen a lot. Death, mysterious accidents, and lots and lots of stupid witches doing stupid stuff.

When Zoe and and Madison decided to come running to her, asking for help putting a boy back together, she was sure she was high.

“Okay what the fu- what did you guys do?” She asked frantically getting her stuff together.

Y/N was a pretty sophisticated person. She did her best to not get caught up in the drama, but she knew she had to help. They wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.

“There’s no time Y/N. Please just help. He doesn’t deserve what happened to him.” Zoe yelled.

Zoe didn’t exactly look guilty. Y/N felt that Zoe really wanted to help this man due to her own self preservation.

“Fine. Just get me coffee or something after we are done.” Y/N sighed, not really knowing what kind of mess she had gotten herself into.

—

Out of all places to preform a spell, the morgue is not ideal. First of all, it’s stinks. Death and bleach pretty much covers it.

She looked around at the discarded limbs and bodies, it was quite sad actually. They were real people, and whatever Madison did killed them all. Pretty painfully she could assume.

“Oh Christ almighty you guys,” She paused looking around the small room once more.

“Which one is it.” She rolled her eyes, taking out the supplies needed for the spell.

Madison pointed, and to be honest Y/N had already decided she was going to make the other girls do the dirty work. She might be okay with doing the spell, but she sure isn’t going to touch all over these five day old corpses.

“Get what you need and put him on the table.”

—

Y/N finally was ready. The other two witches had grown impatient, and they were ready to leave. At this point Madison had already mentioned ditching Y/N and just leaving to get lunch.

Thankfully, Zoe said no.

Y/N walked over to the body, already noticing a heap of blond hair.

“Oh my God-” Y/N gasped, placing her hand over her mouth.

She had no problem with death usually. To her it’s a part of life. This tough, shook her to her very core.

Kyle Spencer’s lifeless form stared up at her. Her best friend from back at home. She felt sick to her stomach all of a sudden.

“Oh just fix him already bitch. I have places to be.” Madison huffed, looking over her nails.

Y/N resisted the urge to kill her on the spot. That would certainly make waves back at the academy.

“I know him. Knew him. Whatever let’s just get this over with.” Y/N spoke sadly, before her eyes roamed over him once more.

——

After a long an exhausting process, she had done it. The spell was done, and all she had to do was wait for the boy to wake up. Unlike her fellow witches, Y/N was actually quite educated on the spell she had just done.

She knew quite well what was going to become of poor Kyle, and she hoped that she would be able to fix it. She didn’t want him to be cursed to a life like that.

Zoe and Y/N sat side by side. Madison had long since ditched the two of them.

“You can go. I’ll take care of him. I’m sorry, I mean it must suck to see someone you were close to like that.” She stuttered.

Zoe was always a bit intimidated by the other witches, except for Nan of course. Nan was such a sweet person, everyone loves her.

“I’m fine. I’m going to probably go. Good luck with him.” She smiled, standing up.

—-

It had been about a week, and Y/N had done everything she could to learn how to fix Kyles mind.

She was sure by now that she could do it, but she was surprisingly nervous that she would mess him up even more.

Y/N was sitting on her bed when the door opened up harshly, startling her a bit.

Zoe pushed a very much so zombied Kyle into the room, and locked the door behind her.

He was being surprisingly calm toward Zoe, as long as she wasn’t touching him, he wouldn’t get all freaky and try to murder her.

“He just- Just killed his mom. Y/N please I cant do this anymore.”

Y/N’s eyes widened.

She didn’t know very much about his mom, but she knew enough. She wasn’t a very good woman, and although Y/N hated to say this, his mom

deserves what she got.

It was now though, that she locked eyes with Kyle. She could’ve sworn she saw his body relax almost immediately.

“Y/N-” He muttered out before rushing to her feet.

He clung desperately to her jean clad legs, and Y/N dared her hand to move to the top of his head, gently massaging his scalp.

Then she saw the blood. He was covered nearly head to toe in his disgusting mother’s blood. This caused a bit of anger to well up inside her.

“First you kill him. Then you make me bring him back to life. Then you don’t even have the fucking decency to clean the blood off him. Get out please, I’ll take it from here.” Y/N stated sharply.

The mere sight of Zoey was beginning to annoy her deeply, and she knew that if the girl stayed much longer, it wouldn’t end well.

Zoe sighed and stepped slowly out of the room, leaving Y/N alone with Kyle.

He was still a mess. Latched on to her legs and whimpering, the man was completely broken.

Kyle must remember her from their childhood. They had quite a defining friendship, and she understood why he remembered her. She was glad that he could feel safe with someone.

He was probably scared to death. Well he’s already dead, but still.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” She said softly to the boy in front of her.

She carefully took his arm, and led him to the bathroom. The last thing she wanted was to scare him more than he already was.

—-

She had been successful in cleaning him up, the blood was no longer under his nails and matted in his hair.

She gave him one of her bigger flannels, hoping that and the random pair of jeans she had found would fit him okay.

They are sat on the edge of her bed, internally she was trying to decide on whether or not she would try this spell or not.

She turned to look at him. His soft features resembled the look of a toddler at this point, he was staring into space, and he had been chewing on his fingernail intently.

She made up her mind, and she began to speak slowly.

“Kyle honey, i’m going to help you okay. Don’t be scared.” She said lowly, and he nodded a bit before looking at her.

Curiosity washed over his face as she pulled out the large book full of spells and other ailments.

“Let’s get started then.”

—

It wasn’t perfect, but she had helped. He still stumbled a bit over his words, and his feet but he was pretty much back to normal.

Y/N felt ashamed at how powerful she felt. She never knew that she could accomplish something so big.

She stuffed her feelings down, and did her best to explain everything to him. It was a lot to take in but he just nodded along.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. I shouldn’t have let Zoe take you.” She said looking at the floor.

Kyle finally had a chance to look at her and really take in the sight. She had grown since last he’d seen her. Her hair was much fuller, and her eyes seemed to be a lot brighter. He had missed her. Every time something cool at school would happen, he desperately would want to tell her. She was gone though, and he had lost his best friend.

He had always loved her, and as the groggy memories came back, he new what he had to do.

He took a very slow and careful step towards the witch and placed his trembling hand on her cheek.

“It’s not your fault. You saved me Y/N.” At this point, he was sure her face was turning a dark shade of pink.

“Kyle I-” Y/N didn’t have time to finish her sentence before Kyle had placed his chapped lips on hers.

Everything she had wanted as a child was finally coming true. She had always loved him. Loved him more than best friends love each other.

They made each other’s lives complete. She was the only one that could rescue him from his mind in their teenage years. He was the one to comfort her when she was scared of the roaring thunder outside.

“I’ve missed you, Kyle. I’m sorry I had to go away.” The witch spoke, feeling tear pool in her eyes.

Her magic was starting to run kind of wild, and the candles in the room lit up, blazing fiercely and causing large shadows to appear on the bedroom walls.

He looked around in amazement, but turned his attention back to the woman when he heard a sniffle.

He wrapped his arms around her, and laid back so they could both look at the ceiling.

The two of them stayed like that, until the next morning. They were woken by a very confused Cordelia Goode.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/19/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 28:1-29:30, Romans 5:6-21, Psalms 15:1-5, Proverbs 19:18-19

Today is the 19th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it's always great to be here with you. So, it's great to be here with you today as we as close down a workweek, move ourselves toward the weekend. We’ll be concluding the book of first Chronicles today with our Old Testament reading. So, let's…let's begin. We’re reading from the New Living Translation this week. First Chronicles chapters 28 and 29.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Romans, Paul…Paul writes, “when we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time.” And we can just…we could…maybe even should just sit there and…and consider the implications. Like, the absolute relief of that statement being true changes everything because it's not just describing salvation it’s the context of our lives. When we were helpless Jesus came. And, so, this is where Paul's focusing as we continue through this letter, essentially telling us that God has invited us to be in a relationship with him. Again, we’ve got to stop. It's like we say this stuff all of the time. We are talking about the Almighty God, who has invited us to be in a relationship even while we were completely His enemies. So, let me not put it in my words, let's just read it from the Bible. “Since our friendship with God was restored by the death of His son while we were still His enemies we will certainly be saved through the life of His son. So, now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.” I mean, come on! This is such good news! And then Paul talked about the law and he talks about the law a lot because it's something that he understood, and he also understood what it represented in the Hebrew culture. And, so, he talks about it a lot and he says, “it was a way, it was given to reveal, essentially how far away we had drifted from God and how deep the chasm actually was.” So, without the law there’s no way to gauge that, there's no way to know that we had…we had it so backward, but with the law we could finally see our helplessness to achieve perfection on our own. We could finally see like, no we can't get there from here, we don't have the power. And that was the purpose of the law, to show us our desperate need for God. And then in the person of Jesus, God in the flesh we saw God's passion to meet that need. So, I mean, Romans is a highly theological book, but I mean, the underlying reality underneath that theology, yeah, we…we should be…we should be humbled. God didn’t need to do any of this. He didn’t need to care. Like, once we had gone our own way, He could’ve just washed His hands of us and made new people on some new planet. Like, God doesn't owe us anything and we…we made and we continue to make choices that if they run their course, they're going to lead to our destruction. We can't be our own God. Even though we try it all of the time, we are not equipped to be God. So, according Paul the laws given so that we can we can see the direction that we we’re headed in and that we can wake up, we could see the direction that we’re headed in and become aware of where that's can end up. When we realize it's hopeless and we are helpless to do anything about it then we begin to see how overwhelming God's love is. So profound that even when we were His enemies, He wouldn't give up on us. He would not allow us to pass into the darkness, which basically leads us back to where we started. When we were absolutely helpless Jesus came at just the right time. So, let's take some time today to think about how massive this is as we move into the weekend, not only in our own lives but for…but for all of humanity. So, no matter what circumstances we’re facing, no matter what kind of chaos is swirling around us, as we read the book of Romans all we can come to conclude is that we absolutely assuredly have a good Father.

Prayer:

Father, You are good, and Your mercy endures forever, and Your mercy reaches out to us even when we are alienated or estranged from You. Your kindness reaches toward us even when we are Your enemy. This is beyond comprehension. We don't have the capacity to do that. We can live into that by the power of Your Holy Spirit, and that is what sanctification is doing within us, but on our own it's hard to even comprehend the kind of love that were talking about here. This is good news. And, so, we receive this good news. We love You, we thank You for Your kindness, we thank You that You came for us and would not let us be destroyed by the darkness. So, we worship You and we pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus our Savior. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it’s home base, it’s where you find out what's happening.

And we are very excited and continuing to invite…invite you to the Daily Audio Bible family reunion this year here in the rolling hills of Tennessee. That is going to take place August 31st through September 2nd, so over Labor Day weekend, a long weekend for us here in the United States. For a lot of people, it’s sort of the like the last hurrah of summer time and then preparing to move into the autumn season. And, so, it's here the rolling hills of Tennessee, which is a beautiful destination place. There’s plenty…more than you can do in a weekend for sure here in the in the Nashville area. And then we’re right out on the lake at camp Widjiwagan. There’s plenty to do without even leaving those grounds, but more importantly than the things to do is just the friendships to made, the connection with brothers and sisters who’ve been taking this journey the entire year, we finally get to know people by face and not just by voice alone. So, come. Come to the rolling hills of Tennessee this is Labor Day. You can get the details at dailyaudiobible.com in the Initiatives section. Just look for Family Reunion 2019. You can do that on the app as well, just push the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you. Thank you for your partnership. As I’ve said hundreds of times over the years, what we are we are together. If we don't do this together we’re not anything. It's always been a family affair. So, thank you for your partnership here in the summertime. There’s a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning family this is Christina from the Treasure Coast and I just heard the prayer request for Sunday, the 14th of July and it definitely…if definitely prompted me to call in. The lady with ovarian cancer, you know, part of my story was I had breast cancer in 2011 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And the reason is it just brought me back to my Savior and I realized I could not do life alone. And I did cancer completely alone. And whenever I talk about my story, I tell people, “don’t do it alone.” And the fact that you’re bringing your daughters in, at least the older one, is something life-changing for her as well. So, it will change your life and God will use it for the good of your life. I truly believe that. And for the young lady that called in about forgiveness and the abuse in her childhood. You know, forgiveness is such a journey. I’m going through that journey myself. You guys probably may remember I’d called in about my marriage and I see that things are getting better, and God is working and it’s going to be a lot of work and forgiveness and grace and that all around. So, thank you for your prayers and thank you for being here in the world. In Jesus’ name. Amen. Thanks guys.

Hi, my name is Demetrius Addai. I really don’t know why I’m calling given where I am in my faith right now but I imagine this is God reaching out to me again. So…but…well. __ friends got __ some bullshit. Anyway, what I am doing is calling to ask for prayer for my progeny. __ Sean Mitchell. __ Christina Walker, William Walker, John Abby Walker. Those are my children and their father’s on a path to self-destruction and I don’t see myself turning off and I ask that you pray for my children. I don’t talk to them because…I don’t know…like I say…I’m about to walk through some fire and I don’t know if I’m coming out on the other side. So, God look out for my children and…what am I gonna say. I ain’t treading uphill no more cause I’m done and gave up. That’s all. So, any rate…I suppose it’s my…

Thank you God for giving me everything I’ve asked you’ve freed me from my demons and my true self’s now unmasked times growing short now as they say this too shall pass I praise and thank you constantly there’s not much that I ask the relationship I have with you I pray will always last last is first and first as last a simple little verse some may do from good to bad some from bad to worse help me just be patient God and follow where you lead help me not be selfish and consumed with lust and greed wherever two are gathered I know you will be there keep my mind’s eye simple Lord and strip my ego bare make me in your image God I’m flesh but still I’m clay fill me with your Spirit and renew my strength each day one and one are usually too but you and I are one finish God the work in me you clearly have begun

blindtony1016@gmail.com. And once again Brian and the Hardin family, thank you for this wonderful podcast for God’s Holy Spirit to flow. Keep it flow’n y’all. All right, bye-bye.

Hello DAB family this is, Great to be Free in Jesus from Oklahoma. I have a testimony that God wants me to share with my family. I lost my husband 26 years ago I had to finish raising our kids with God’s help. Both of my daughters decided to do things the way they wanted instead of the way I taught them and messed up their lives. I was constantly putting out fires they created and trying to help them clean up the mess. I cried out to the Lord many times, “Lord what did I do wrong? I know I was in a perfect mother, I know that I made lots of mistakes, but I can’t figure out what I did with that was that bad.” One day when I was trying to figure this out and was asking God the umpteenth, “what did I do that was that bad?” The Lord said to me, “I’m the perfect father and look how my children treat me.” I was like, oh, wow, I felt this big load lifted off of me because I had felt so much guilt. God set me free from all that and I no longer blame myself for their mistakes. From some of the phone calls I hear I feel like I wasn’t the only one who is carrying the skill. I hope this will help someone to be set free from the guilt of what your adult children are doing. Just remember that we do the best that we can, and we leave the rest up to God. Please pray for my two daughters, Melissa and Jamie and God bless you Daily Audio Bible family and I pray for all of you every day. Love you. Bye.

[coffeekaspbrak]

Pictures of you- chapter one

For proper spacing visit my ao3 chapter 2 is already up there!

Eddie climbed the stairs to his apartment with dread weighing heavy on his body, that and the water that soaked his clothes. It had been a long day of driving and dealing with passengers, all while trying to navigate New York City through the rain. Getting his limo app service off the ground proved to be great for business, but not so great for his sanity. On the way to pick to one of his ever so gracious customers, he’d been rear ended by some asshole going 50 in an area with a speed limit of 30. He couldn’t slow down fast enough for a red light and ended up hitting Eddie’s limo. Eddie had jolted forward, his chest hitting the steering wheel. His breathing became short and rapid as his heart raced, the signs of an oncoming Asthma attack. He reached for his inhaler in the glove compartment and pulled on the trigger with a shaking hand. He was so stunned for a minute or so, he couldn’t get out of the car. Until the man who had hit him came out of his car; shouting and banging on Eddie’s window, saying he should’ve seen him coming.

As ridiculous as that accusation was, the man was reasonable enough to exchange his information with Eddie. The incident hadn’t caused any lethal damage, but the bumper of the limo was now wonky and dented. It wasn’t too terrible, but appearance is very important in his business. Presentation is important in every aspect of life, his mother had often told him. Eddie had it hauled away to the nearest auto shop and opted to walk home in the rain rather than give his money to one of those big cooperate car apps. He was too prideful for that, if nothing else.

He scaled the final step, a little bit winded, and pushed the key into the door of his apartment. It’s not too small. The realtor had described it as, “Cozy for a couple.” But the shades of paint and furniture they’d picked out for the space made Eddie feel like he was being suffocated. He took in his surroundings with a small sigh. Despite its comfy couches and cabinets filled with his clothes and belongings, Eddie always had to make some what of a mental effort to establish it as his home. Slipping off his shoes and shaking his jacket off, he heard the faint sound of weeping coming from the living room. Softly, he tip toed over and ducked his head into the room,

“Myra?” He asked with caution. “Oh Eddie!” She jumped to her feet, voice screeching in it’s high pitch, “thank god!”

She wrapped herself around Eddie in a death grip that would rival that of cobra’s. His hands sat at his side stiffly before his better judgment kicked in and he moved them to rub circles on her back. She untangled herself from him after a moment, “Where were you and why weren’t you answering your phone?” Her was voice demanding and whiny, Eddie cringed at the sound.

“You know I can’t have your notifications on while I drive, sweetie. It’s bad for business.”

This only caused Myra to pout more, “You’re supposed to pull over to text me every hour Eddie! We talked about this!”

“Yes,” he mumbles, “but-“

“No, Eddie!” he didn’t think her voice could get any louder, “I could’ve had heart attack! I thought you might’ve died! And there was an emergency!”

Eddie’s heart stopped how the fuck does she know already? Oh Christ almighty, she’s not going to let you go anywhere now. Good fuckin goin, Kasp- “Eddie!” Myra ran back over to him again, wrapping a large arm around him, “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you! Where’s your inhaler?”

Eddie hadn’t even noticed that his breathing had become heavy while his brain was spiraling. She reached a hand into his pocket and fished out his inhaler, holding it to his lips. Eddie took a puff, as his fiancé continued rambling on. “I should’ve known not to use that word with you, I know how delicate you are. But it really was, something really bad happened.”

“Is that why you were crying?” Eddie asked, knowing his fiancé has the tendency for the dramatics. He can never gauge how serious the problem is just from her reaction. She nodded, “Oh Eddie, it’s so horrible! I could cry even more!”

“No!” His shouted a little too quickly, “No, just tell me what happened, Marty.” “I got a call from the photographer.”

“And?” Eddie could see that she’s starting to tear up again, but she blurts out the words before they can fall. “They pulled out of the wedding! They said they had something else booked that day. I don’t know how that’s even possible! We scheduled this months ago!” She exclaimed, hugging Eddie tightly again and crying into his shoulder. He let her sob for a while before attempting to reason with her, “I know. It’s okay, hey, it’s alright. We can get a new one, they are plenty in the city.”

“That’s no excuse! They should’ve had it together! And where are we going to find a photographer that will work on such short notice? Oh it’s all falling apart, Eddie! This is a disaster!” She shouted, too close to Eddie’s ear. “No! Hey,” he met her eyes, red and puffy from crying, “We’ll find one, I promise. We can go and look tomorrow.”

“Eddie! I have a dress fitting tomorrow!”

“Alright, Myra calm down. I will go and look tomorrow, I can’t drive the limo anyway.”

Shit.

“What’s wrong with the limo?”

“Oh just needs an oil change and some other tune ups you know. I gotta give the riders the best treatment, right?” He felt bad for lying, but he would feel worse telling her the truth. She worries. And he worries about what will happen to him if she worries any more than she already does.

She nodded into his shoulder.

“Okay, why don’t you go to bed and I’ll meet you there?”

“I love you, Eddie-bear,” she mumbled gently.

Eddie doesn’t think about his response, he learned not to long ago.

“I love you too, Marty.”

Myra releases him and walks over to their bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Eddie sighs deeply once she is out of sight, running his hands over his eyes. He lets the oxygen reach his whole body before plopping down on the couch, defeatedly.

He just sits exhausted there for a while, before rising and walking to the bathroom to shower. He lets the warm water comfort him and lets it run maybe a bit too long as he stands underneath it.

He exits the shower and heads for the medicine cabinet. He finds the melatonin, (among a heap of other things) and pops a few into his mouth. The stress of planing a wedding had been taking its toll on his sleep. Ever since the night of the engagement, Eddie hadn’t gotten a full night of rest. Even in times of relative calm, restlessness plagued him as he tossed and turned in his bed. Tonight was no different.

He lets his eyes find his future wife taking up more than her side in bed, and crawls in warily beside her. He stared up at the ceiling a long while, thinking about everything and nothing.

He is woken up several times during the night, not to his surprise.

-

Eddie wakes up the next morning to find a note on the kitchen table, Off to the fitting! Only 62 more days! Love you! -Myra

That number sat heavy in his chest as he made himself coffee and opened his laptop to begin looking for a new photographer. The first page on google was companies with enough money to afford to put ads there. He figured they’d all be booked and when he calls, that suspicion is confirmed. One man even laughs into the phone obnoxiously when Eddie tells him the date of the wedding.

That’s how he spends majority of the morning, hunched over his laptop as concern pulls on the lines of his face. He nearly pulls all his hair out while on the phone with countless photography studios. All booked that day.

He’s on the fourth page of google, sporting a defeated expression when something finally takes. Richie Tozier Photography. There’s a number on the website header and Eddie calls without a second thought, not expecting much.

It rings twice before someone, groggy sounding, picks up. “Hello?” A scratchy voice asks. Eddie isn’t sure he’s got the right guy.

“Um Hi, I might have the wrong number is this Richie Tozier?”

“As you live and breathe,” the voice, Richie apparently, answered. Skeptical, he attempted to clarify, “The photographer?”

“Yeah huh,” He responded causally.

A bit too casually for Eddie’s liking. But he A bit too casually for Eddie’s liking. But he didn’t have a whole lot of options at this point. Fuck it, he thought, this might be all there is. The guy’s just gotta show up and take pictures right? With a sharp inhale Eddie asks, “Do you have any availability June 5th? I know it’s pretty soon.”

The other line hummed for a moment, “What’s the occasion?”

“My wedding.”

“Damn. Guess you’re not a planner then huh.”

“Excuse me I’ll have you kn-“ The voice chuckled, “I’m just messing with you, man. What’s your name?”

“Eddie Kaspbrak,” He hummed again, “Well, I might have somethin open just for you Eds.”

“That’s not my na-“ “Do you have a venue?”

Eddie scoffed, frankly sort of offended “Well, yeah of course,”

“Can you text me the address?”“Yes bu-“

The man on the phone clicked his tongue, “Mkay, cool. See if you can schedule something there so we can meet and I can check out the lighting and stuff.”

Eddie was a little dumbfounded at the gall this “Richie” seemed to have. “Um, okay,”

“Alright, see ya around then, Eddie spaghetti,” and before he could say anything about the nickname, he heard the phone click ending the call. Eddie sat in the wake of the phone call, a little disoriented to say the least. His laptop still had Richie’s website open and there was tab labeled “portfolio” on the top of the page. He clicked it reluctantly.

It was a layout of three pictures per row, and there were several rows. It was similar to an instagram feed, you could click on each picture to enlarge it and scroll. The first picture struck him: it was a girl with short red curls laying in a field, one hand across her chest and her eyes closed. She had a flower tucked on her ear, a white carnation, complementing a splattering of reddish freckles on her face. The golden light of the sunset behind her highlighted her long, reddish brown lashes. She looked beautiful. Eddie scrolled to see more.

A boy, muscular and tall, sitting inside a coffee shop, the picture being taken outside of it. It struck Eddie as a little weird if the photographer didn’t know this guy, but it was an amazing photo none the less. The background seemed faded as the man stared straight ahead out the window. The photo caught light of the man’s eyes; he was clearly pondering something as he peered longingly at something unseen to everyone but himself. He scrolled through several more of the photos, more featuring those two subjects. There were a few that looked to be graduation parties or other gatherings of the sort, but no weddings. That made him a little anxious, but clearly this Richie guy had some skill with the camera.

He was intrigued if nothing else.

Tag list: @white-duvet @beep-beep-eds @takealottodragmeawayfromreddie @kat-ships @jalenrose1122 @fandoms-caused-my-death @addimagination @richieshawaiianshirts @reddie-boi

(Let me know if you want to be tagged in the other chaps!)

[mateoshea-blog]

Pink Clouds & Pocket Lint

Part I

            “Grabmeuhcouplecokes… cotton mouth y’kno?” as Fast Eddie chokes out the last toke of the roach. Quickly, Fast Eddie stashes the funky skunky stuff into an old oxidized ALTOIDS can – MADE IN GREAT BRITIAN, NT WT 1.76 OZ (50g). Fast Eddie had this logic that if he collected all his roaches, he could pawn off the “1.76 OZ of homegrown” to some free-lancing left-brained Polo wearing yuppie college kid for 50 bones. If anyone could pull a stunt like that, it was Fast Eddie.

“Yafuckinkiddinme! ‘Spose I’ll hoof it across the street to PAULIE’S CORNER STORE since Pizza Face and Pretty Boy both got Cerebral Palsy all-a-sudden” – Yeah, that’s the villain I been scheming with since I got clipped from the umbilical cord. Fast Eddie, guy was a maniac with a potato head. But, his barber scalped a fade around his temples to precision. Jesus, I mean his barber was his actual wingman. He’d tell us to go to the gay barber. We’d be sitting in at SPEEDY’S CUTS while Fast Eddie was choppin’ the locks and we’d overhear,

“Fast Eddie what work will my soft hands be doing today?”

And Fast Eddie would dish it right back, “If you wanna play with more than these locks later, what would you want my sex hair to look like in the morning?”

Just like that, Fast Eddie had undercooked and greasy golden French fries atop his potato head. Slicked back and thin cut, ready to serve. Ready to be swallowed into a cheap customer’s mouth.             That’s why the drunks, gays, straights, in betweeners, freaks, creeps, geeks and neighbors all liked the fucking guy. Blue collar, told it how it was, and even offered a third hand when his other two were tied up someone else’s ass!

            I could see Fast Eddie still jerking around across the street. Shootin’ the shit with the local folk. More than just a “It’s so warm in here!” small talk guy. Nobody remembers the shmuck with a dull personality. Fast Eddie could make a blind guy fantasize about the cashier at PAULIE’S just by the way he worked his tongue into imagery. He had it.  Coupleuhcokes turns into Fast Eddie holding the door open for any pretty broad that gives him the slightest amount of eye contact (the polarizing effect of a good haircut). Perfect case study for Freud.

 The musty haze of the hotboxed jalopy paranoid the living daylights outta me! We could get high in any partatown and Fast Eddie always coerced us to smoking in his car. Never got to enjoy my high, could never even tell if I was even high at all. The mirrors read “OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR” – that’s for damn sure. Mirrors were always staring at me with a never-ending time-warped nightmare. I’d get stuck in the mud with the Piggy’s that busted me with the joint that was burning away my dreams of CALIFORNIA COAST. I could only roll in this mud pit for so long until the objects in the mirror become reality.

            Julian senses that one of my classic paranoia episodes is imminent. An observant learner, personal therapist, and mediator. Some of his unpaid roles. He uses the crank on both doors to roll down the clouded condensated windows.

“Carlton man, you love riding on the shoulder” chuckled Julian as he lounged in the plush back seat of the Caravelle.

“This is why I hate smokin’ grass, now you’re speaking straight from the hole that I call your CHAFFED LOOSE ASS!”

“Naw man… see listen, you ride the shoulder too much. That motherfucker ahead is always driving 5 miles per hour under the speed limit. You let him. And he owns you. He holds you back. He controls the rate at which you reach your destination. Shiiiit, if you ever reach it. You can’t pass him, you stay leaning on that white cozy shoulder called COMFORTABILITY. When you gonna pass the mothefucker ahead of you that’s been controlling you? When you gonna take EXIT 52 towards IMFUCKINFREEVILLE?” 

I can’t even flip this one on Julian, “Yeah well I can’t ride yours and Fast Eddie’s coattails for too long now. IMFUCKINFREEVILLE has a population of some twenty million people. Once the weather vane in my oversaturated brain oozes out some hope and blows WESTWARD, I will pass that motherfucker ahead of me. No turning signal either. Imma trade in the cozy white shoulder for some dotted yellow cheese.”

“Carlton… that motherfucker dragging ass is YOU. Pass him with a prayer, leave him in the rearview.”

Julian, the backseat monk. Met him after I graduated high school. P.F. Flyer’s always crispy white, not ever one crease, not ever one scuff. Always thought he would become some materialistic rich prick. Prejudgment without contempt. Stupid me. Materialism attached to the developing brains of us high schoolers. Some shake it and others go to Universities to chase degrees that breed greed. Julian didn’t let the manmade cancer infiltrate him. He ended up rolling with us Proletariat outlaws. Somewhere, Karl Marx is grinning at me for my recruitment.

We had 30 minutes, precisely, to make it to the liquor store. Saturday’s were always the night for our bender.

Fast Eddie had this shit-eatin’ grin on his face when jogged back over the ’85 Caravelle, “Christ Almighty! Fast Eddie were you rubbing one out in PAULIE’S bathroom or sumthin’? We’re alloutta Jameson and you know we are 20 miles from the liquor store and it’s already 8:30!”

Liquor stores were no joking matter, we only found one that never had us show I.D. Plus, Fast Eddie grew a liking to the geyser that worked there. A sad babbling sack of space that got comfortable and stuck with one job his whole life. Bubbling and babbling, day in and day out. Shook so many times that he eventually became flat too.

“Pizza Face and Pretty Boy… always so self-interested. Gonna catch up to you shits soon enough.” Fast Eddie inserted the crusted key into the ignition of the Caravelle – DOOOP, DOOOP, DOOOP. God knows how many germs were on that steering wheel. Thick coats of compiled grease, excess secretions, and the fluids from various estranged females that Fast Eddie coxed in to his traveling fuck-pen. Law of superposition says oldest layers were on the bottom. I’d rather not know these things, but the smell invades my nostrils like the troops on D-DAY. Can’t even condition or desensitize myself to this aroma. Unrelenting attacks by the smell of Fast Eddie’s ball sweat and lingering remnants of a poor mans weed. I want to take a shower. 

“Saturday Night. Dropping the needle down on a dusty B-Side for all you crazed, erotic, and hormonal souls cruising around looking for trouble. How about that L.A. WOMAN track… 1971. The Doors.” Slick Tom, our favorite disc jockey the night of a bender. Always reliable to set the tone.

Fast Eddie pounced on the pedal as Jim Morrison screeched sonic sex through the speakers, “Oh shit yeah fellas, we’re on the move. ‘MR. MOJO RISIN!’”

We punched it onto RT. 5. The faster route according to Fast Eddie, but it was actually the scenic route for him. He loved cruising past the prestigious Victorian style homes and dissecting what kind of conversations happen between the walls of those monasteries.

Fed up with the scenery after 3 miles, Fast Eddie barks “I bet these rich prick Dad’s just read the STOCK MARKET page in section B5 of the WALL STREET JOURNAL and ask their rich prick wives and rich prick kids where they wanna go on vacation next once the rich prick Dad’s inside trade deal hits on Monday morning.” 

“Put the boner back in your pants, you’ll get your dividends too once you start pushing your roach filled ALTOIDS cans to the future homeowners of these fucking houses!”

Fast Eddie snapped right back at me, “I swear I’ll ash my next roach on that smirk of yours, Pizza Face. Maybe that’ll make you look more appetizing.”

Julian leaned in from the backseat, “AN ENDLESS PISSING MATCH, don’t your sacks ever go dry? Your testicles are attached right to your egos. Big swollen ball sacks swinging back and forth back and forth. Blowing your load all over one another day in and day out! It’s exhausting, your egos need a vasectomy!”

Just like that, right when Fast Eddie and I erupted, Julian cooled us down at the surface like molten rock. Crystallizing and metamorphosing into conglomerate. Needed him to flush our egos out. Needed to stop treating him like my urinal cake.

Fast Eddie swerved and weaved around the slow-moving masses of society that had no agenda for the night. Maybe they did. Maybe this is my self-interested motivations speaking again. I hated how maliciously Fast Eddie rounded the corners. Guard rails could’ve skinned my fingertips if I cracked the window open. This was Fast Eddie’s route. Knew every stop sign, timed every red light, and new all the lucrative hideouts where the Piggy’s patrolled.

            It was 8:47, the odometer of the Caravelle twitched another mile on the dash. Only two miles remained between the three Proletariat outlaws and our enabler.

            My second paranoia episode ensues, “Holy Shit Fast Eddie, you’re doing 55 in a school zone!”

            “Who says I wanna choke down Jameson tonight? I’ll turn into De Niro from TAXI DRIVER if you don’t shut the hell up”

            Just like that GUMBALLS GUMBALLS GUMBALLS flash in the mirrors. Objects in the mirror are becoming closer than they appear. Nightmare come true. I’m fucking doomed. We are fucking doomed. My self-interest putting me first.

            “GODFUCKINGDAMMIT EDDIE! Mile away, no traffic, all interstate and now I’m gonna get jammed up with the Pigs!”

            Fast Eddie retaliates, “Me, me, me! You squeal just like a fucking pig!” He takes the pressure from my brain and applies it to the pedal, POUNCE.

            Julian has been around Fast Eddie enough to know that he will go to extremes to prove a point, “Fast Eddie c’mon man be cool, WE all ain’t trying to get canned. WE got living to do.”

            Fast Eddie has that same shit-eatin’ grin that I seen earlier, “Fine I’ll pull this piece over. But, you don’t speak Pig Latin, got it?”

            “What the hell do you mean!”

That’s all I was left to work with during my waning moments of freedom. The cop high tailed it over to the Caravelle. Tiny hairs, all a half inch long stick straight up and down on the officer’s fat head. Level one blade to navigate his temples, had to be Fast Eddie’s barber. I’m sweating bullets. The plate tectonics of my face begin to emerge. Premature pimples surface and I feel the magma boiling under the crust of my skin.

            Fast Eddie rolls down the window, “HANDS ON THE WHEEL OR BRAINS ON THE WHEEL NOW”

            My stomach launches acid into the back of my throat. Fast Eddie complies. Answers to an authority figure. No finger-fucking around.

            “NOT ONLY ARE YOU THREE LITTLE SHITS A LIABILITY ON THIS ROAD, DO I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE YOU WERE SMOKING MARIJUANA?”

            Julian hasn’t flinched and Fast Eddie’s mute. Fast Eddie’s still got that shit-eatin’ grin on his face.

“AM I SPEAKING FUCKIN GREEK? IS THERE MARIJUANA IN THIS VEHICLE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK BEFORE I SHAKE YOU DOWN TO YOUR PALE PEACH FUZZED ASSES!”

            In my peripheral I see the ALTOIDS can staring at me. Rusted smile, MADE IN GREAT BRITIAN. 1.75 OZ – damn near weightless. But, enough weight to land me in the sin bin.

Enough to land us in the sin bin.

            The Cop begins laughing, I mean really fucking laughing. The wild Pig chased his pray down and now he is foaming at the mouth. Ha-HA-HA-hahaha’ing until there is no oxygen remaining in his bloated stomach. Almost as if the funky stuff has protruded from the ALTOIDS can and immediately hit his bloodstream.

“ALRIGHT FAST EDDIE, THESE ARE THE PROLETARIAT OUTLAWS EH? OUR MOUSE TRAP COULDN’T CAPTURE A RAT!” 

Fast Eddie’s dimples break out from his skin for the first time in a decade, “Thanks OFFICER LAFFERTY! Next hoagie from PAULIE’S CORNERSTORE is on me!”

“I’ll take the ALTOIDS can instead… when it’s full.” He replies. Walks away, swinging his Billy-club.

Fast Eddie peeps his dilated eyes into the corner of  the mirror, glancing at Julian. “Pretty Boy whatsamatta! You didn’t croak! You didn’t squeal! Conglomerate don’t crack!”

Julian boasted,“Yeah, RATS don’t survive by scurrying on the shoulder. Too scared to chase the dotted yellow cheese if ya know what I mean. I gotta eat, I mean… WE gotta eat.”

“Amen.”

And, just like that comfortability didn’t appeal to me anymore. Lit the roach, took a toke, exhaled. Puff puff pass to Julian puff puff pass to Fast Eddie, and back to me. Repeat. Fast Eddie inserted the rusted key into the ignition – BOOOP BOOOP BOOOP. Slick Tom was steady playing them classic B-Sides. Liquor store was closed. Detour: EXIT 52 towards IMFUCKINFREEVILLE. 

[rose-sisson]

Hey guys! So if you've read my past two posts, you would've heard two major ideas God's laid on my heart. One being on the impact prayer can have. Another being on judging with God's judgment, not ours. Well today, I'm starting a new series that pulls both ideas together to make a new point: Don't question the process. This phrase has stayed with me for a long time. Whenever I was irritated at someone, or I cringed at my own past, I would hear this phrase repeated 'Don't question the process'. It would give me an urge to forgive someone or to forgive my past self for whatever transgression. But why? What does it mean? It simply means this: God is working through each and every one of us, through a very specific process. If God is working to do something great, who am I to question it? If you don't know Job, Job was a man who faithfully followed God. But Satan swept in and took away everything Job had. And Job begins to question why God let all that happen. Job 38:1-5 says, "Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid out the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveying line?" Skip a bunch of tricky questions down to 40:1-2, "Then the Lord said to Job, 'Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God's critic, but do you have the answers?'" These are some pretty rash words, but they hit Job in the right spot. Job replies in 40:4-5, "'I am nothing--how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say." Job recognizes that he doesn't have all the answers, and sees that God does. Now for this series, in particular, we will be going through the book of Exodus. I've watched the DreamWorks animation and the VeggieTales retelling of the story. And Moses seems to be the perfect fit to outline this series. I mean, he did crazy things for God. He partnered with God to free his people from slavery and served as a great messenger. He had a tight relationship with God, but he didn't start out awesome overnight. Like all the greats, Moses had to go through a process. So let's go ahead and get started. Exodus starts off with setting the scene: the Hebrews were being enslaved by the Egyptians. But the Hebrews were growing in numbers. So to keep them under control, the Pharaoh had all the Hebrew baby boys drowned in the Nile. Exodus 2:1-6, "A man from the family of Levi married a Levite woman. The woman became pregnant and had a son. She saw there was something special about him and hid him. She hid him for three months. When she couldn't hide him any longer she got a little basket-boat made of papyrus, waterproofed it with tar and pitch, and placed the child in it. Then she set it afloat in the reeds at the edge of the Nile. The baby's older sister found herself a vantage point a little way off and watched to see what would happen to him. Pharaoh's daughter came down to the Nile to bathe her maidens strolled on the bank. She saw the basket-boat floating in the reeds and sent her maid to get it. She opened it and saw the child--a baby crying! Her heart went out for him. She said, 'This must be one of the Hebrew babies.'" This was the beginning of Moses' story. What intrigues me is that his story began addressing the problem of the Hebrews and then it introduces Moses. So let's talk about the problem. We know the Hebrews are being enslaved. But their problem was much deeper than that. To start, God made the world. God made a perfect place for Adam and Eve to live with him. But Adam and Eve sinned against God. They chose their own way instead of following God. As a result, they received the stain of sin. Sin separated them from God, separates us from God. So God launches a plan to redeem us. This plan starts with Abraham. Now, Abraham was promised three things: descendants that outnumber the sand, a land just for them, and that they will bring a blessing for the whole world. Abraham had achieved bearing a son, and his family was growing fast. And they knew what land God was going to give them, Canaan. However, Canaan was still inhabited by Canaanites. And as time passes, the situation doesn't seem to get better. After all, they're enslaved by Egyptians begging God to deliver them to the promised land. But God understood fully that this was the problem. He understood this well before we could. And so God gave them baby Moses. In other words, Moses was born to be used as a vessel to solve this problem. God could've handled it any other way, sure. But it's what Moses was born to do, and then some. So today's point is simple: There is a process. I think as Christians it's easy to push people aside who don't agree with our religion. It's especially easy to push aside people who hurt us and hurt God. Richard Dawkins is a world-renowned atheist. He made several books discussing how he believes God isn't real. But would you believe me if I said that God's going through a process with him as well? Sure right now he's refusing God with all his might, and as much as I'd hate it he might go to Hell. And that would be his choice! But God's still fighting for him in ways we can't understand. It may look like Richard Dawkins is forever fighting God, and he may. But tomorrow isn't here yet. Only God knows whether or not Richard Dawkins is going to heaven or hell. However even though there's a chance he might end up in hell, we can't question God's activity around him. It's the same way with the people around us. I've seen my fair share of 'baby Christians'. They don't start out as amazing evangelical pastors. They have rough starts. They continue to curse, continue to drink alcohol, continue to stay around the same friends they need to leave. But that's because they're in the beginning of their process. Moses was just a baby and was taken into an environment where false gods were worshiped. That's how he started out. Moses didn't come out of the womb ready to go part a red sea. But that doesn't mean that God wasn't already working in Moses' favor. In fact, God protected Moses as he rode the Nile to the Pharaoh's daughter. God knew Moses' potential and worked in his life to ensure that Moses would grow to be the man he needed for the job. But it took time. So the fruit of this short message is simple: There is a process. Maybe you're a new Christian and you're just getting into the swing of being a follower. Maybe you're an older Christian and you've got a new sibling in Christ not acting right. My encouragement to you is to take your time. For the elders in Christianity, be more patient with your youth, more understanding. The process is long, and irritating sometimes. But the end result of the process is something beautiful. If you liked this post please give me a thumbs up and if you have a question or a comment please email me at fire.time.rsmith@gmail.com. Also, for those of you who've joined me on the Church of Valatie journey, I'm doing a Q&A post, July 19th to take a break from character arcs. So if you have a question for one of the characters, or for me, be sure to send them in by email, comment, or note for DA members. Until next time, God bless! And keep your fires for God, blazing!