#why should flags on another blog affect everyone else?? it’s stupid

[r0semultiverse]

You know what feature we need to bother staff for next? Other people’s posts getting flagged as counting towards “strikes” on our blogs.

[weebsinstash]

God so actually to try and get my mind off of things, another idea I had for Rich Yandere Douchebag who maybe for convenience i will call Elliot from now on? I like to go back and forth with setting and tone between him secretly being nobility or him just being a rich but powerful guy, and I think Reader would be so absolutely fucked if he was a tech-based CEO. You think he's in his office trading stocks or whatever the fuck it is he does but he's just watching security cameras of you. There are times when he's not even at home and he's in his corporate office and he can just, pull out his phone and access that security feed, making sure his little bunny is safe and sound

I can only imagine if uh, if Reader had issues similar to mine, where you spend way too much time on your phone, not just playing games or anything, but willingly torturing yourself by, say, exposing yourself to the constant negative news cycle, engaging with politics talk in the comments section, arguing with trolls and stressing yourself out. You're beefing with some conservative in a comments section and suddenly??? The app crashes??? And won't open again??? Which is weird because Elliot gave you this phone so it should work perfectly? And the app refuses to open until later that day and by that time you've calmed down and was able to move on to something else

I can only IMAGINE if Reader began getting harassed or pressured into a conversation or stayed in a conversation that was extremely uncomfortable (you know like uh what I did the other day 💀) and Elliot is just watching from his end FREAKING OUT like WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP or if this complete stranger began to be sexual with you and you won't stand your ground. He'll shut off your phone remotely if he has to. It's to protect you. He loves you but you're a little silly and let your emotions get too caught up in your head sometimes. He's helping you because he knows what's best for you, obviously :)

I can only imagine it coming to a head when he begins to not only disapprove of your constantly online habits, but also becoming dangerously possessive of you and jealous of anyone you interacted with. Oh, so he's your BOYFRIEND but you're posting things to your "secret" blog that he doesn't even know about? Can you EVEN IMAGINE if he goes to spy on you and your newest blog post is a thread with your followers about how you're wondering if you should break up with him and every single reply is basically going "holy fuck do you really not see all these red flags, throw the whole man away"

You're just minding your business at his home, and you're so upset you're shaking as you furiously type out a reply to someone who said the most ignorant pathetic shit you've ever read, and Elliot suddenly barges in, storms up to you, and snatches your phone right out of your hand as he begins to scold you. Why are you doing this to yourself? These people and their problems don't matter! Why are you watching videos about problems in other countries that don't affect you? Who cares what that politician said about 'women shouldn't have rights'? Who cares if an online personality you like is being bullied for a stupid reason? Why do you care about anything that doesn't directly involve you or him?

And like he vaguely has a point but he says it in such a douchebag "other people are insignificant, you Aren't Like Them, the things you care about are stupid" kind of way that you just. He can see the instant offense in your expression the moment he starts speaking, the anger, and you just blow up on him, just listing things off about him, pointing out that of course he doesn't care, he barely has empathy for other people at all, he thinks he's so much better than everyone because of his success and money, he probably funds some of the politicians who are literally ruining people's lives because they then pass laws that benefit him personally and financially, and as if he isn't infuriated by your rebellion enough, you hit him with: "I don't even want to be with you anymore, you fucking stuck-up asshole!"

Elliot instantly smashes your phone into the marble floor, expression like stone as you begin to try and back away from him, eyes flitting to the door, like you're about to try and run away from him. And he's having none of it, blocking the path out into the hallway, trapping you as you begin to shake and cry because oh my god is he going to kill you???

And he takes your reaction and your tears and your fear as just a sign that you're just too stressed out, that these vermin are ruining you. His poor lovely partner is just having a rough time and it's got you so constantly on edge that you're even acting out on him, and he KNOWS you love him! you're just finding too many bad influences, too many bad actors trying to manipulate you, he's afraid. Well that all stops now. You already live in his house, so it isn't hard at all for him to keep you there, is it? Can't have you running off to get into any more trouble, to buy another phone, to hang out with those awful plebian "friends" of yours who are telling you to leave him.

He's going to get you all better, he promises. You just need some time to unplug and be with him. Only him. Constantly, only with him. After all, he should be spending lots of time with his future spouse, after all 🥰 all you need to do is spend some time with him and you'll forget all about everything else...

[will-noble-owns-my-ass]

BALLUM BIG BANG 2020 ENTRY

Title: Of Cops and Mob Bosses

Word Count: 9260

Rating: safe

Summary: Phil Mitchell. Mob boss of Walford. He was the hard man of Walford but it was time to pass on his legacy. There were few people he could bestow this honour onto,  one of which was his son Ben  Mitchell. Now Ben was… Well Ben, he’d been in trouble a few times, for a few  big things but he hadn’t meant any of them, not really. Ben had searched all his life for his dad’s approval and he would get it if it killed him until something, or should I say someone, changed that.  Callum ‘Halfway’ Highway. New to Walford and a new policeman to the area. He’d heard of the Mitchell’s, they were famous all over London for the crimes that they had committed. Now one Mitchell in particular intrigued Callum. Ben Mitchell. Ben intrigued Callum because, even though he had two serious charges on his record- from his childhood - he seemed to now be on the straight and narrow.   

Artist: @lucres - Find the art here: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/lucres/622878582499328000 and 

 here: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/lucres/622878354864013312

Beta: @benxcallumx

Thank you very much for all your help❤❤❤

Chapter 1

“Ben Mitchell! Get down here. I’ve got a job for you!” Ben sighed as he walked down the stairs “What do you want dad? Look whatever you need me to do, I can’t. I’ve got the car lot to look after. You're gonna have to find someone else to do your dirty work.”

“Ben you are my son you will do as I tell you!”

“I am an adult! I have a job! I have a child! You cannot rule my life and I refuse to do your dirty work, do you understand?” “You will do as I tell you, I run Walford!”

“Sure dad whatever, but I ain’t doing whatever job this is, you’ll have to find someone else to do it”  Phil stepped toward him and pushed him against the wall “YOU DO AS I SAY!”

Ben pushed his dad off of him and into the table “I AM NOT EVER DOING A JOB FOR YOU AGAIN! AND I AM NEVER GOING TO PUT LEXI THROUGH WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH!” Phil  looked at him in shock “Why does it matter about Lexi, this won’t affect her!” Ben growled and saw red as he felt his fist connect with his dad’s face “What does she matter?” he hissed “Are you kidding me? She is your granddaughter. Everything we do affects her, how would you not know that? SO NO! I’M NOT DOING ANYMORE JOBS FOR YOU! Because Lexi needs me and I’m not going to put our relationship in danger just so you can get your job done. I AM NOT GOING TO PRISON because you can’t be bothered  to do this job by yourself, or are too lazy to  find someone actually STUPID enough, to not think for themselves and do as you tell them!” 

He pushed his dad into the table again, walking out of the front door and slamming the door behind him, seething  he stormed into the Queen Vic. “Y'all right Ben? What can I get you?”  

“Pint please Mick” He sighed as he locked eyes with a handsome bloke with  bright blue eyes “ £5.19 please Ben” Ben took the drink from him , handing him the money “Thanks Mick” He  walked toward the new man who he’d never seen in the Vic before. He leaned against the bar and locked eyes with him. “Hi, I’m Ben Mitchell.. I haven’t seen you around here before.” The other man looked at him with slightly wide eyes “Hey I’m Callum Highway. It’s nice to meet you Ben”

Callum’s Point of View

Callum sat in the Queen Victoria in Albert Square, his new home, after his first shift at the Walford Police Department. He sat against the bar, sipping his drink and thinking about his day. He looked very pensive but was brought out of his thoughts by “Hi, I’m Ben Mitchell, I haven’t seen you around here before” he looked up to see one of the most handsome man he had ever seen, he felt his face heat up slightly as he smiled a little “Hey, I’m Callum Highway, it’s nice to meet you Ben”

  Unbeknownst to Ben, Callum already knew who he was. The Mitchell dynasty was a big part of the reason he had requested a transfer to Walford, and why he’d moved into Albert Square. The Mitchells fascinated him, and he’d been quite excited at the possibility of meeting the Mitchell who intrigued him most. The one standing in front of him.   Ben smiled slightly and slipped into the stool next to him “So you're new to Walford right?” he asked softly. “Yeah, I was transferred for work, I needed a change of scenery” he told him . Ben looked at him.  “Transferred?” he asked. “Oh yeah I moved to Walford to join this police station” Ben smiled lightly “that’s cool, so how are you liking Walford so far?” Callum looked at him and thought for a second “Well from what I’ve already seen in the last week.. It’s interesting” Ben laughed lightly “Interesting is one word for it… There’s a lot that goes on in Walford… and surprisingly a lot of it happens in Albert Square” Callum chuckled “That’s kind of what drew me to wanting the transfer here… More exciting, in fact I was in here just thinking about how busy my first day at the Police Station was … What brings you here tonight?” he asked, genuinely interested. 

Ben thought for a second and said “Well, seeing as you're from the police.. I’m not 100% sure I should tell you.” Callum analysed him for a second “Ben, I’m not on duty. Listen, I know I’m new around Walford but I know about your family.. I know you’ve got a history of your own. I know YOU haven’t done anything illegal in a long time. Ben what I’m trying to say is that you can vent at me.. It’s your dad isn’t it?” 

Just at that moment Linda walked up to Callum. “Halfway, Mick’s busy and no one else is here, would you be a gem and help me change a barrel?” Callum looked at Linda and nodded. He looked at Ben as he stood up “Halfway?” Ben mouthed, Callum shook his head and whispered “I’ll tell you later if you tell me about what’s going on with your dad, Ben, you're talking to me as a friend not a police officer.. It might help to talk about what’s going on” Ben smiled softly “Alright ‘Halfway’” he mocked slightly “Go help with that barrel” Callum laughed softly and shook his head following Linda into the barrel store. 

Linda looked at him knowingly, “You watch yourself with that one.. He’s trouble.” Callum looked at her “Linda, it’s fine.. I’ve known him an hour and a half. I know what he’s family is like.. But he’s not like that… at least not anymore I don't think so. It seems to me like he’s trying to change, from his record anyway, he hasn’t been in trouble for a long time, he was sixteen when he last committed a major crime.” Linda looked at him as they worked together to change the barrel “You're an adult and  a police  officer Callum, trust your own judgement it’s up to you” Callum smiled slightly at his mother figure “I appreciate that Linda, and I promise I’ll be careful about it. Although I have only known him for the last hour and a half, there’s no guarantee it’ll go that way, but I’d be happy with his friendship right now, considering I’m new to Walford and need friends” Linda laughed “Your very loveable Callum you’ll be fine” 

Callum smiled softly and looked at Linda “Oh by the way, Thanks for calling me Halfway in front of him” she laughed again “Oh sorry, he wants to know why?” Callum nodded as they finished changing the barrel and left the barrel store. “Yeah, he wants to know” he glared at her playfully   Linda laughed “Just go back to your new friend Callum” He smiled softly “I think I will” 

CHAPTER TWO 

Callum smiled as he sat back down next to Ben against the bar. “So Mr. Mitchell… What brought you here today.” Ben looked at him and grinned “Nice try ‘Halfway’, Why do they call you that?” Callum laughed softly “THAT was a nice try Ben but if I remember rightly, which I’m 99% sure I do, I said I would only tell you why they call me Halfway if you tell me why you're here and what’s bothering you.”

Ben sighed softly with a slight laugh, he shrugged his shoulders “right well it was worth a try… okay I’ll tell you” he took a deep breath as Callum locked eyes with him, giving him his full attention “Okay.. so you know about my past.. I’ve paid for my mistakes.. I’ve paid for it all and I am incredibly remorseful for everything I did.” Callum nodded “I see that.. Now what happened today?”

“My dad.. He wants me to do a job for him.. I refused. He started yelling at me.. We got into  a fight.. And I came here to escape.. Because I don’t want to do whatever job he has for me.. I want him to find somebody else to  do this job” he looked at Callum “Before you say anything I know I should just want him to not do the job at all.. But this is Phil Mitchell we’re talking about.. He does what he wants and everyone else has to deal with the consequences, because we’re the ones who have to do the jobs for him, and we’re the ones who have to pick up the pieces when it all goes to crap! Even his 7 year old granddaughter. He’s willing to put her future at risk. He’s willing to make her feel as if I abandoned her! And I refuse to put up with it any longer. She is a child she doesn’t need all of this, she  doesn’t deserve to be put through this. I am her father, I’m supposed to protect her from all of these things!”  he took a deep breath “I’m  sorry I didn’t mean to rant… it’s just I have a lot on my mind.”

Callum smiled and flagged down Mick and ordered another two beers “Ben it’s okay… you’re  allowed to feel this way”  Ben sighed “But it’s my dad.. I should respect him.. Right?” Callum sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “No, Ben you don’t have to respect  him at all or do as he tells you, especially if he’s trying to get you to do his dirty work, this is completely allowed and I am 100% sure you are justified in what you said to him” Ben looked at him and smiled slightly “Thank you Callum.” The other male raised an eyebrow at him “What for?” They both smiled at each other and picked up the drinks Mick had just placed onto  the bar “Giving me someone to vent to… I know we haven’t known each other long, like at all it’s been what? Two hours” Callum smiled softly “Yeah okay it’s been two hours.. But sometimes we can all use a friend” Ben raised an eyebrow “A friend? You see me as a  friend already?” he smiled softly and locked eyes with him “yeah.. Sure I do, only god knows we both need a friend right now, and I’m new around here I need all the friends I can get”

Ben grinned “Alright I can go for that, now I think YOU have something to tell me don’t you?” Callum feigned ignorance “Do I?” Ben laughed lightly “You know you do.. Why do they call you Halfway Callum?” Callum sighed softly “Why do they call me Halfway?” he thought for a second “They call me Halfway, sort of to make fun of me… Well because, I knew their son Lee at school and I was in the army with him.. And I was never very smart at school, I wasn’t ‘all there’ according to my some of my family” he gestured to himself “hence Halfway”

Ben smiled softly “That’s actually quite sweet” Callum blushed softly “yeah I guess so..” Ben chuckled and clapped him on the back “It’s not that bad Callum, or can I call you Halfway?” Callum glared at him playfully “Yes.. I think we’re friends enough that you are able to call me Halfway” Ben smiled softly and checked the time “Oh god.. Is that the time, sorry Callum I’ve gotta go get Lex from school..” He pulled out his card “This might be weird but here’s my number… you know if you ever wanna meet up here and have me return the favour, and have a rant at me?” Callum smiled and took the card “That’s not weird.. I’ll text you” Ben stood up “Okay sounds good, I’ll see you later okay?” he smiled as he walked toward the door and left. Callum grinned and looked down at the card in his hand with a slight blush. He took his pint from the bar and smiled slightly with a glint in his eye.

Yes, he’d only known Ben Mitchell for two hours, but he could see them as friends, possibly even more than that, he’d wait to see where the friendship took them. He didn’t know what the future held for him but he did know that he was excited about being in Walford. He had a family, and a home in the Carter’s and in the Queen Victoria. He also hoped he had a new friend in Ben Mitchell, although he felt a nagging feeling in the back of his mind telling him that it may lead to more with the other man who he already seemed to be very close to. He knew a lot about his new friends' past, but he could also see quite clearly, that the young Mitchell was changing, for the better and he shouldn’t let his father get in the way of the happiness he was clearly trying to find.. Callum resolved to try his best to help him to get out of the situation that he found himself in. 

Ben grinned lightly as he left the Vic, walking towards the primary school to pick up Lexi. Callum was really really kind and he'd found it incredibly helpful to be able to vent to someone. Sure he had Jay and Lola, but he found that sometimes it was easier to talk to someone that he wasn't attached to, although he did think there was a possibility he may become attached to Callum in the future, he had felt a connection almost instantly, and he could see them becoming close. He couldn’t wait to see where his future would take him, and he hoped Callum would be there in some capacity. 

Chapter Three 

 It had been a few weeks since Callum had arrived in Walford and met Ben, and most nights if he wasn’t working he was spending time with Ben, whether it be in the Vic or juist, spending time around at his house with him. A week after he had met Ben the other man had introduced him to Jay and Lola, and they had, all three clicked instantly, Callum had found some new friends, he just seemed to slot into their lives, like he was always supposed to be there, he’d even met Lexi. He smiled softly as he thought of all the people he’d met since moving to Walford. He finally felt like he would be able to be who he had always felt he was, He felt liberated now, secretly this was another reason he had moved away from Watford, from his father, from his brother. Now that they weren’t around him, he felt more able to be who he was without worry of being ridiculed for being different. Part of the reason behind this was watching Ben be completely open and honest about who he was. He didn’t know it, but Ben was teaching Callum not to be afraid, that it would be okay, that nothing would change, if he was open about who he was. He got ready for his night off, which as with most of his time off of late, he was spending with Ben, Jay and Lola. When he finished getting ready he went over to the Mitchell household and knocked on the door.

Ben’s Point of View.  

Ben smiled softly as he chased Lexi around her bedroom “Hey missy come on it’s bedtime” she let out a high-pitched squeal “No! I want to say hello to Callum” he laughed softly as he caught her and began tickling her “Get ready for bed and we’ll see okay?” she nodded “okay okay fine” she said laughing as he placed her down, she went to put on her pajamas as he left to the kitchin to flick the kettle on. He rolled his eyes as he noticed Jay and Lola sat at the table “Soo” Lola smiled “What do you want?” he asked, slightly irritated. Jay laughed softly “You’ve spent a lot of time with Callum lately, he’s a nice lad, and we like having him around, but you seem to like him. A lot”

“Alright and? I do like him, but it can’t happen” he sighed softly “We’ve only known each other a few weeks” Lola smiled with a slight squeal  “Oh Ben I’m so happy for you”  Ben looked at her and then at Jay and rolled his eyes  “Alright Lo calm down, we not getting married I haven’t even asked him out yet, and I’m not going to” Lola frowned “Why not? You like him, and I’m pretty sure he likes you too” Ben shook his head slightly “Lo, you can’t know that” She sighed softly “Alright if you're happy with that” Ben sighed “I think you know I’m not but I can't do anything about it. Look Lola we’ll see what happens in the future but he’s only been here a few weeks” Jay looked at him and laughed softly “But doesn’t he know you?” Ben rolled his eyes “You're on her side with this? I can’t believe you! And what could you possibly mean?”

Jay shook his head and laughed “Sorry bro, she will always win out on you, and I think you know exactly what I mean, he knows exactly who you are. He knows all about your past, and he still wants to be friends with you! Even if he is a police officer” Ben frowned at this and Lola slapped him upside the head “Jay!” she muttered as he rubbed the back of his head “I’m sorry okay?” Ben sighed and turned around taking four mugs out of the cupboard and set about making tea. He shook his head “Thank you for that one Jay, I appreciate it” Jay sighed “I’m sorry… Callum joining us again is he?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at the fourth mug on the counter “He should be… is that a problem?” Jay and Lola both shook their heads “No Ben of course we don’t… Callum is a decent lad. He fits in with us, he  needs the friends anyway from what he’s told me… I just noticed that he spends a lot of his free time here..”

“Yes I suppose he does, but he seems to be happy with that and it’s not like I’m forcing him to spend time with me Jay” Lola sighed “Ben that’s not what he’s saying.. What he means is, he doesn’t think the way you feel about him-” Ben opened his mouth to protest “Don’t you even try to deny it Ben Mitchell we know you. We can both read you like a book.. As I was saying Jay was just saying that he doesn't think the way you feel about Callum is one sided” Ben sighed and rolled his eyes, as the doorbell rang he walked backward toward the door so he could see them as he went to open it “Alright, whatever, just don’t say anything while he’s here I beg you” Lola chuckled  “Alright alright just answer the door”

Ben rolled his eyes and answered the door “Hey Halfway!” Callum glared at him playfully as he laughed “Hello Ben” he said as he entered the house and walked into the kitchen “Hey Lo, Jay, cheers Ben” he said as he was handed his mug “Oh no problem” he smiled and rolled his eyes Lola as she looked at him with a smile. They chatted for a while and smiled as they heard a thundering from upstairs “She waited up to see me again huh?” Lola laughed “You know she loves you Callum”  As Lexi barrelled into the kitchen and into Callum’s legs. “Callum!” she squealed softly “Hey missy,  have you had a good day” he asked as he bent down to pick her up. The little girl hugged him tightly as she launched into a rant about her day and how much fun she had had at school during the day. Callum listened  with a smile “Sounds like you did have a good day” he smiled softly as he placed her down on the floor. Lola chuckled “Come on then missy it’s time for bed, you’re already half an hour late, that’s not gonna be fun in the morning” she whispered the last bit. Lexi nodded with a soft yawn.

Ben smiled softly and picked her up “Let’s get you upstairs” he said as he left the kitchen and climbed the stairs toward her bedroom and put her to bed. Callum smiled into his mug as he watched Ben go. Lola and Jay looked at each other “So, Cal, How was your day?” Jay asked as he took a sip from his tea. “Well you know, busy but not too bad, how was yours?” he smiled softly and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Oh you know.. Ben’s been doing my nut in at the funeral home” Callum laughed softly “Doesn't he have the car lot to run?” Jay grinned with a nod “Yeah, he has the car lot and the Archers.. But I think he gets lonely.. He works at both on his own so…”  Lola smiled “He’s very busy in his own work and he does very well but.. He does get very lonely.. I usually spend his lunch hour with him” 

Callum nodded very pensive “I might join him some time, I should have the time.. I’ll give him some company at the car lot for the day too” Jay and Lola grinned at each other  “You don’t have to do that Callum.” He smiled softly “No no it’s not a problem, I want to he’s been one of my best friends since I moved into Walford, If he’s lonely I wanna help, I might even be able to be of some help at the car lot, or the Archers.. And it would mean that he’s not at the funeral home as much.” Lola laughed softly “I think he’d like that Callum” he nodded “Okay then”

Upstairs Ben was putting Lexi to bed, telling her a story. “Daddy?” he looked at her and sat on her bed next to her “Yes Princess?” she looked at him “I like Callum” she said with a sweet voice. Ben chuckled “I like Callum too baby” she smiled softly and gave him what Ben thought was a knowing look which was funny seeing as she was 7 years old. “Alright Princess I’ll see you in the morning okay?” he kissed her forehead as she cuddled into her bedsheets and her stuffed bunny rabbit. “Night dad” he grinned softly and joined  the others back in the kitchen. He grinned lightly as they were discussing what they were going to do for the evening. He sat down, joining them. He was with his family and he finally had the kind of life he’d wanted for so long and he was going to make sure it stayed that way.

Chapter 4

Phil Mitchell was angry. His son had been ignoring him for around a month now and he was getting sick of it. He needed his son to do exactly as he wanted him to do. He was going to retire soon and he needed to know he was leaving his empire to someone he could trust.  He let his fist hit the desk as he let out his anger. How dare his son not do as he told him? He was his father and he should be respected. Phil decided that if Ben wasn’t willingly going to do the job for him then he would just have to trick him into it. The only problem was, he wasn’t quite sure how to make this happen. Phil thought a while and snapped his fingers, he dialled Ben’s number and waited for him to answer it “What can I do for you Dad? If it’s that job I don’t want to know, okay?” Phil sighed softly “No Ben it’s not about the job, I was just wondering if you’d want to go for a drink? I’ll send you the address” Bwn laughed a little sarcastically “You wanna go for a drink with me? Really dad? If that’s true why don’t we just go to the Vic?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at his dad’s sudden interest in spending time with him. “I just figured we could try somewhere new” Ben gave a sigh of defeat “yeah alright dad we can go for a drink, where and when?” Phil smiled “I’ll send the address and time?” Ben snorted slightly “Alright then dad, I’ve gotta go I’ve got a meeting” he said as he hung up. Phil laughed a little as he put down the phone. He had finally found a way to get Ben to do as he needed him to do. He sent him the address of the warehouse that the job would be happening in and a time to go. Phil was rather annoyed because although Ben had finally given into him, (even if he didn’t know he was going to be doing it) Phil had had to lie to him to get him to do what was required of him.   

The next day Ben got ready to go and see his dad he travelled to the address that his dad had sent him. When he arrived he looked around the warehouse and sighed “Dad!” he growled and leaned against the wall scrubbing a hand down his face. He looked around “Right.. What do I do now?” he walked through the warehouse trying to work out what he was to do. He sighed, he wasn't going to do this job, he had Lexi to think about now, he couldn’t deal with the consequences.. Lexi needed him and he was definitely going to be there for her, he wasn’t going to be anything that could possibly damage his chances of seeing her grow up. 

In the warehouse he found it to be packed with a lot of things that probably didn’t belong there. He also found a note from his dad that said ~FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL THIS~

  He sighed softly, he was going to have to talk to his dad about this. He couldn’t believe that he would do this, he had forced him to get involved in this, he couldn’t believe his dad could be this selfish. He ran his hand down his face again. Of course he would have to do this, his dad wouldn’t stop until he did. Phil Mitchell always got what he wanted. But not this time.

His eyes widened as he heard sirens close to the warehouse.   “Oh crap” he ran around the warehouse trying to find a way out, as the sirens got louder, Ben stopped running, he decided that this was going to stop now. He decided it was time to make sure that his dad couldn’t get away with these jobs anymore. The police car stopped in front of him, and Ben walked over. The car door opened and Jack got out “Well, well, well if it isn’t Ben Mitchell” Ben sighed “Hi Jack, how did you know I was here?” Jack smiled softly, happy that he had finally caught a Mitchell doing something they shouldn’t be. 

“We’ve got this place under surveillance.” he pulled out a pair of handcuffs as Ben turned around “Ben Mitchell, I’m arresting you on suspicion of breaking and entering and intent to sell stolen goods, You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Do you understand?” Ben sighed and nodded as he was placed into the back of the car.  Jack got back into the car and drove towards the police station “Wait until Callum hears about this” he said, just loud enough for Ben to hear. He sighed “Why does what Callum thinks about this matter. Jack raised an eyebrow and looked at Ben “Nothing.” The rest of the ride to Walford police station was silent. When they arrived at the police station Jack pulled Ben out of the car and led him into the police station. 

Walking into the building Jack stopped at the desk to book him in. Ben looked up and locked eyes with the officer behind the desk. “PC Highway, I’ve got Ben Mitchell here, I arrested him in a warehouse by the Thames, for breaking and entering and intent to sell stolen goods. Can you book him in please?” Callum nodded looking at Ben and quickly put him into the system. Ben was then placed into an interview room and questioned. “So Ben.” Jack said quietly “What were you doing in that warehouse?” Ben looked Jack straight in the face “I was just going for a walk” Jack raised an eyebrow “Down by the Thames? A little far away from the Square don’t you think?” Ben shrugged slightly “Maybe.. But then again Jack, maybe I just wanted to get away for a bit, Maybe I had been called to fix a car down there”

“Down by a warehouse? That doesn’t tell me why you were IN  the warehouse Ben. Look I want to help you.. Tell me why you were there, be responsive, answer my questions and I can try to help you, I’m not the bad guy here Ben” Ben shook his head refusing to answer any more questions. Jack sighed, after about an hour and a half  he said “Interview suspended at 18:45.” Jack sighed softly and left the room. Ben sighed he knew his dad needed to be stopped and he knew that this was probably the only way this was going to happen, but he also couldn’t bring himself to implicate his dad, even if his dad didn’t have a problem with implicating him. It was his dad, could he really do that to his dad? He shook his head. He would never talk to him again. 

Callum’s point of view 

Callum watched as Jack left the interview room and walked toward him with a sigh. “Jack..” Jack looked at him “What  is it Callum, your friend in there isn’t cooperating at all”

“Can I talk to him Jack?” Jack looked at him and sighed “I don’t know Callum…” He sighed “Listen Jack I know it’s a bit weird but I might be able to convince him to cooperate, he listens to me… he trusts me” Jack sighed and ran a hand down his face “Yes, alright you can have 15 minutes with him, see what you can get out of him okay” Callum nodded “I can get him to tell me what happened.. He won’t tell me on the record though.. But I should be able to persuade him to tell you, I can’t promise you anything you know what he’s like.” Jack looked at him “I do know… but Callum I really need to know what happened, we can’t just leave it.. And we do need a record of what happened.” Callum sighed and walked towards the interview room “I’ll do what I can.”

Chapter Five 

Callum walked into the interview room and looked at the man sat in the chair he sighed with a soft smile “Hi Callum” he shook his head and sat down “Ben, what happened?” Ben placed his head down on the desk “I don’t want to say” Callum sighed “Look at me Ben.. What happened, I can help.” Ben sighed and looked up at him “How can you always do this?” Callum laughed softly “I’m just that good, now come on tell me what happened.” Ben sighed and looked at his hands, suddenly finding them to be the most interesting thing in the room. “It was my dad, he uh, he told me he wanted to go for a drink and he sent me an address and a time… I should have known something was wrong Callum… He’s Phil Mitchell, he’s always got ulterior motives” he placed his head in his hands. Callum sighed “Look at me, this is absolutely not your fault and your dad needs to learn he can’t do this” Ben looked at him, “I know Callum I know, but I can’t he’s still my dad”  Callum leaned back against the chair he was sat in “Listen Ben I get it some dad’s aren’t great… I understand that.. I’ve experienced it… Ben this is important.. Please… you can help us corner him if you tell Jack what you just told me” Ben sighed and looked at him “okay… okay yeah” he bit his lip “Your right he needs to learn.. It’s just not going to be fun at home” 

“No, I know and I fully understand, but you’ve got Jay, Lola and Lexi around you” he locked eyes with him “You’ve got me” he said quietly. Ben smiled softly as Callum said “Can I go get Jack?” Ben nodded. Callum stood up and left the room going back to desk “He’ll tell you now” Jack smiled “What did you do Callum? He was completely locked up there was no way he was going to tell us what’s going on” Callum shrugged “You may have lived on the square with him for years Jack, but I’ve spent time with him, I’m friends with him. He trusts me, I talk to him, I understand where he’s coming from” he sighed softly “Jack there’s something you need to know about this before you go back in there and talk to him.” He looked at him “What is it Callum?” he asked leaning against the desk. Callum ran a hand through his hair “Jack.. it was Phil, he tricked him into it.. But, Ben’s got a little bit of a complex with Phil.. It might take him awhile for him to tell you what happened, because of his loyalty complex with his dad, so could you please do me a favour and be patient with him. I’m guessing you know about Phil Mitchell’s past?” Jack nodded “Yes and I’m also aware of Ben’s past too, but I’ll listen to what he’s got to say because you seem very confident in him.” Callum looked towards the interview room. He shook his head and looked up at Jack “I do, I do trust him and I do have a lot of confidence in him… I didn’t know him when he did all the things on his record.. But I know him now and I can tell you he’s not like that anymore… he’s got Lexi now, he wouldn’t do anything to affect her.”

Jack sighed and walked toward the room “Okay” Callum nodded and leaned against the desk as Jack walked back into the room “Okay Ben, I’ve been talking to Callum, he tells me there’s more of a story behind you being at the warehouse, that you want to tell me.” Ben looked up at him “Uh, yeah… But listen.. I wanna ask before I tell you.. If it comes to anything I’d like to stay anonymous.. At least to start with” Jack nodded “Of course I can do that… I’m going to go back on the record okay?” Ben nodded quickly as he sat down and pulled his chair into the desk. “Alright then” he nodded and pressed the button “Interview recomenced at 19:10 … Ben what led you to being at that warehouse?” Ben sat up slightly in his chair “My dad… he uh, he told me we were gonna go for a drink, he sent me the address of this place… I should have known something was wrong… Not only does he never want to actually spend time with me, He never actually does anything unless he can get something out of it.”

Jack sighed “Right okay, and you had no idea that this was going on beforehand?” Ben shook his head “Not at all, he’d said he wanted me to do a job for him… and I knew that, but I’d told him that I wouldn’t do it because I have Lex now. He uh.. Wasn’t all too happy about it and he’s been trying to persuade me to do the job for him.. I just. I don’t know how to fix it” Jack looked at him “Okay, right well what do you know about his workings” Ben sighed “He’s… Uh he’s trying to make it so that I can take over from him in the ‘Family business’” he put into air quotes “But I really can’t do this… well that, and all his jobs need to stop and I know that…”

Jack leaned back in his chair “Anything else we need to know about?” Ben snorted slightly “There’s quite a lot”  Jack looked at him “We’ve got time” Ben took a deep breath “Alright so..” Ben then spent the next hour or so telling Jack everything he remembered about his dad’s past and all the different crimes that had happened that he knew about or thought that his dad may have been involved in. 

Chapter Six 

A few months after he had been arrested, and told Jack all about his dad’s past and his possible plans for future jobs that he had overheard, Jack had arrested Phil and charged him with all the crimes. They were able to prove some and his trial was in a few days. Ben sighed and sat down on the sofa and Lexi walked in”Daddy are you okay?” Ben looked up at her and pulled her into a hug “Of course I am Princess, I’ve got you” she smiled and hugged him. There was a knock at the door “I’ll get it” she chirped, Ben chuckled and put her down as she ran toward the door. “Callum!” he laughed softly and heard a “Hey Lex!” he heard her giggle as Callum walked into the living room with her on his shoulders “I’ll go ask mummy to put the kettle on for you” she said as Callum put her down.  “Alright”

 Callum smiled as he sat down on the sofa next to Ben “How’re you doing Ben?” Ben sighed and looked up at him “I’m doing okay but he still hasn't spoken to me” Callum sighed “Ben.. It’s okay, honestly maybe you just need to leave him to stew for a little while” Ben rolled his eyes “Callum it’s been six months… he just won’t talk to me”  Callum looked at him and grabbed his hand “Ben look at me.. You don’t need him, you’ve got me, you’ve got Jay, Lexi, Lola.. and this might not fill you with the most confidence but you have Ian too.” Ben laughed softly “Your right that doesn’t really help at all” Callum laughed softly “Yeah alright” Ben sighed softly “Hey… do you think you could come with me to court to watch the trial” Callum nodded “Yes I’ve got the day off that day, of course I’ll come with you” Ben smiled and hugged him “Thank you Callum honestly” Callum hugged him back a little surprised “of course Ben, you need me, I’m right here okay?” Lola  and Jay walked in and put the mugs they were carrying down on the coffee table. “We all are..” Lola smiled as they joined the hug. “I really appreciate you all” he grinned “Of course Ben, we’re your family.” He smiled softly. He suddenly felt as if he was finally in a safe space. He felt that he was finally away from his dad, which was something he never thought would happen. 

The next day,  Lola, Jay, Ben and Callum left Lexi with Ian and made their way to the court where the trial was taking place. When they arrived at the court, Ben stopped outside and leaned against the wall. Callum noticed that he wasn’t beside him anymore and backtracked out of the building  “Ben?” the shorter man looked at him “I’m  okay” Callum raised his eyebrows. Ben sighed “Okay so  I’m not okay, my dad’s about to be sent down and it’s my fault… so he won’t talk to me again… but he deserves it” Callum nodded with a slight smile and pulled him into a hug and led him inside .”It’s okay Ben, we’re all right here… we’ve got you” Ben followed with a smile “I know, I appreciate it Callum I really do… You don’t have to be here…” Callum shook his head and led him toward their friends  “But I want to be here for you Ben your my friend” Ben nodded as they walked into the courtroom and sat down. They sat through the trial waiting to hear the verdict. After they were called back in when the jury had come to a conclusion Ben sat next to Lola and Callum nervously. Lola pulled him into a side hug and Callum looked at him with  a slightly sad smile. The judge asked the foreman of the jury to stand  and asked what the verdict was. The foreman of the jury stood and Ben took a deep breath as they waited for the answer. “Guilty” Ben took another shaky breath and grabbed Callum’s hand. Callum looked at their hands a little surprised, he smiled softly and squeezed his hand as the judge then asked Phil to stand. “I have heard and taken into consideration all of the evidence heard and the fact that the jury has found you guilty. I believe that the only fair sentence I can give you is 10 years. You may take him down.”

As they watched him being taken down the four of them grinned at each other and stood up and Jay and Lola hugged Ben tightly., Callum smiled and looked down at their hands, which neither of them had realised they were still holding he blushed lightly and tried to pull away but Ben just held onto his hand tighter “Let’s go to the Vic and celebrate” Jay said  “ooh yes I’m down for that” Lola laughed. Ben nodded “I need a drink after that” They walked out of the court and got into a cab “Albert Square, thanks” Jay said quickly. When they arrived back on the square, Ben finally let go of Callum’s hand. Callum felt a little odd at the sudden loss of contact and it confused him. He knew he liked Ben, but he wasn’t sure if he should tell him because he didn’t know if Ben liked him in that way, and he didn’t want to ruin the friendship he had built up with Ben since he had moved to Walford. 

They walked into the Vic and, as Jay ordered the 4 of them drinks, Callum Ben and Lola sat down in a booth. Callum smiled softly watching Jay Lola and Ben have fun, and be who they are, he was incredibly happy that now that Phil was gone, Ben felt as though he could be who he was, and that he could pursue a future that he WANTED to.  

The four friends celebrated in the Vic for a few hours and eventually Ben and Callum ended up outside on the square, Ben leaning against the side of the Vic, pulled Callum toward him “Ben- Ben what are you doing?” he asked, pushing him away  and looking at him. Callum locked eyes with Ben, he connected their lips again. 

Chapter Seven 

Lola sighed softly, leaning against Jay as she looked at Ben “What’s going on with you Ben? I spoke to Callum earlier because he’s gonna go and get Lexi from school for me.. He said you haven’t properly spoken to him in a week..?” Ben looked at her “You remember last week when we went to the Vic, and at the end of the night we were standing outside.. And well we kissed.” Lola squealed “NO WAY” Ben nodded “Alright  Lo calm down” Lola smiled “Okay… So what’s the issue? He kissed you back right?” Ben shrugged and looked at her “I mean… he did yeah… But what’s to say it wasn’t just a spur on the moment thing? Oh my god… Lo I’ve ruined it” he buried his head in his hands

Jay sighed “Ben, Ben listen to me” he sat down at the table next to him “ Listen… You haven’t ruined anything at all.. You have no idea at all what he was feeling when he kissed you because you didn’t ask on the night did you?” Ben shook his head and Lola sighed “And you haven’t spoken to him all week to talk about what happened have you?” she asked, taking a hold of his hand. 

He ran a hand through his hair “No, no I haven’t because if I don’t talk to him then I haven’t ruined anything” Jay sighed “Ben, this is Callum you’d have to do something really awful  to get rid of Callum… and look at it this way, you’ve done some really bad stuff in the past and he’s still here to be your friend. So I genuinely don’t think that you have to worry about that.” Lola smiled “You’ll be fine Ben honestly.” Ben sighed softly “I don’t know… It’s me isn’t it? I’m really not lucky like this” Lola sighed and looked at him “Ben, Ben  you deserve so much happiness. Don’t let your past get you down . Be happy if it’s not with Callum then it’s not with Callum, but you deserve to try Ben” 

Ben smiled a little “What would I do without you two hey?” Lola and Jay laughed lightly “I don’t know” Ben grinned and sat back “Wait did you say Callum was picking Lex?” Lola nodded with a soft smile “She wanted him to so I said I would ask. She’s really happy about it, he’ll probably take her to the park or something, that’s always her favourite” Ben nodded “She’ll have fun then” Lola grinned “That she will”

Callum’s Point of View

Callum smiled as he arrived at the school to pick up Lexi and his smile only got bigger as she ran out of the building toward him “Uncle Callum!” she called as she ran at him, he knelt down to her height “Hello little monkey, how are you doing? You have a good day?” she nodded with a soft smile. “We did art and Maths and Music” she chirped telling him about her day. He smiled softly “That sounds fun” he replied with just as much enthusiasm “Do you wanna go to the park Lex?” he asked softly as he stood up to his full height and held out his hand to her so that they could safely walk across the road “YES!” she giggled he laughed “Alright missy”

As they arrived at the park Callum stopped at the kiosk and bought himself a cup of tea and a hot chocolate for Lexi “Uncle Callum?” she asked softly as they sat down at the picnic table. “Yes Lexi?” he replied handing her the hot chocolate “Do you like my dad?” he smiled “Sure I do Lex, he’s one of my best friends” she looked at him “That’s not what I meant Uncle Callum. Do you like him the same way my mum likes Uncle Jay?” 

Callum coughed  as his face went red “Lexi!” she looked at him innocently “What? I’m just interested”  Callum sighed softly. For 7 years old this girl was incredibly smart and perspective, there  was no point lying to her “I don’t know Lex.. I’m his friend right now that’s all I can tell you” she nodded taking a sip of her hot chocolate “Callum?” she asked softly. He leaned forward a little  “Yes Lex?”

 “My dad’s really happy when you're around” Lexi grinned “You make him happy I think” Callum smiled softly as she finished off her hot chocolate and ran off to play with a friend who had just arrived at the park. He sat there with a smile on his face as he sipped his tea. He had a lot to think about. 

Chapter Eight 

Lexi sat in her room smiling. Lately her dad and Uncle Callum hadn’t really spent as much time together, and SHE hadn’t really seen Callum since the day he picked her up from school and took her to the park for the hot chocolate and she’d asked him how he felt about her dad. She was very smart for a 7 year old and she knew what he meant.. She was very mature for her age and she knew when her dad and Callum were happiest and that was when they were together. She had a plan, but she needed some help. She hopped off her bed and ran down to the living room where her mum and Uncle Jay were sitting “Mum… Can you help me with something?”

Lola looked at her and smiled softly “Sure Lex what do you need?” Lexi smiled and sat in her lap “I want Uncle Callum and Daddy to spend time together, do you think you can ask Uncle Ian if they can have a table at his restaurant?” Lola smiled and hugged her little girl knowing exactly what she was doing. “I’m sure we can do something like that..” Lexi grinned “Uncle Jay will you talk to Daddy?” His eyes widened as he looked over the little girl’s head at her mother. He sighed and smiled at her lightly “Sure Lex I’ll get him there.” Lexi smiled softly as her mother pulled out her phone to call her uncle Ian. 

Callum was on his break at the Police Station as his phone rang. He answered it with a smile “Hey Lola, what’s up?” he could hear the smile in her voice “Callum if you’ve got plans tonight  cancel them. I’ve booked you and Ben a table at Walford East for 8:00 .” Callum sighed “Lola, I don’t…” He could hear her rolling her eyes as she cut him off “No Cal! It’s been a month.. This is getting ridiculous now. Neither of you are happy. And don’t tell me you are because I know you both and I can tell. So can Lexi” Callum thought for a minute “Okay, Okay I’ll go  but I’m not promising anything. Ben Mitchell is really stubborn” Lola squealed softly as he laughed “Okay, I’ve gotta go. I’m on duty now.”

Later on that night Callum walked to Walford East and went over to the table, where Ben was already sitting with food “Hi.. We’ve got food already?” Ben laughed “Yeah.. I think Lola tipped Ian to make sure we had food almost as soon as we arrived” Callum smiled as he sat down “I think we need to talk Ben..”  The shorter man sighed “Yeah we do… Listen I’m sorry.. I was a little drunk” Callum held his hand out across the table “Ben Mitchell will you listen to me for a minute before launching into an apology that isn’t actually needed” Ben sighed with a quick nod, taking ahold of his hand “Sorry” Callum smiled softly asd he made him look at him “Ben listen.., Might have pushed you away but that’;s because I was trying to work out my feelings.. But did I not kiss you back?” he asked quietly “You did” Ben laughed “I’m sorry I panicked.. I really really like you Callum and I don’t know… I didn’t wanna ruin the friendship we have” Callum leaned over the table and captured Ben’s lips in his “You won’t.. Do you want to go on a date with me?” Ben chuckled between kisses “Is that not what this is?” Callum pulled away with a soft smile “I meant one that we’d set up rather than your best friend and your 7 year old daughter.” Ben laughed and picked up his fork taking a bite of his food “What about Lexi?” Callum smiled taking a bite of his own food “Oh she definitely had a hand in this.. She asked me the last time I picked her up from school, how I felt about you” Ben laughed softly and shook his head. “I’d love to go on an actual date with you, I’ll text you” Callum smiled  “I’ll look forward to it.”

Epilogue 

Phil had asked Ben to visit him. Ben decided that he would visit him one last time. He had a better life now. He didn’t know where he’d be in life if he had followed the path his father had set out for him, or what he’d do in the family he had built up with Callum, Jay, Lola and especially Lexi. He was really only going to visit his dad to say goodbye. As he arrived at the prison he sighed softly. 

Phil sat down “Ben” he nodded toward him “Hi Dad how are you?” Phil looked at him “As good as I could be” he leaned forward “Listen, I’ve set up a job for you, someone in here needs something…” Ben sighed “Dad, no we’ve had this conversation” Phil growled slightly “Ben you owe me this, you are the reason I’m in here” 

Ben locked eyes with him “No dad the reason you're in here is because of your activity, I said last time that I wasn’t going to do a job for you because “I have a child and I have a job, I have Lex to think about. And that still stands but now I have Callum to think about too” Phil looked confused “Whose Callum?” Ben sighed as he stood up “Someone I really care about and I’m sure as hell not going to let you ruin in” Phil sighed “Sit down Ben” Ben snorted “No, I just came to say goodbye.. Don’t contact me again and enjoy your stay” he walked away ignoring his dad’s shouts of “Ben get back here I'm not finished talking to you!” Because even if Phil Mitchel wasn't done with him, he was done with Phil Mitchell and their ‘family business’. Ben Mitchell was on the straight and narrow now and it was all because Callum Highway had crashed into his life and convinced him to do the right thing and rid himself of his negative influence. It was time for him to go and be happy with his found family, and he was never going to let anyone ruin that.

[spnfanficpond]

July 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting with @crispychrissy today! Thank you so much, Chrissy, for joining us!

This month, to make up for not having a chat in June, we chatted for two hours about some issues related to posting your works on Tumblr. Chrissy talked to us about making our own gifs, we discussed giving credit to gifmakers, how to make a Keep Reading cut, and much more!! A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut!

[Editor’s Note: For ease of understanding, the tags you put at the bottom of a post with a # will be called #hash-tags, while the tags you use to notify another Tumblr user that you’ve posted something will be called @mention-tags.]

Q: What programs do you use to make gifs? Are they free, or do you have to buy them?

Chrissy: Well, there is a free one I used back when I started called GifCam. It's easy to set up (it's just an exe) and there's a little learning curve, but it's easier than what I do now. I currently use a screen capture program that came with my $1500 graphics card along with Sony Vegas. If anyone wants GifCam, I can send it to them.

Q: And are you watching via Netflix or some other way?

C: Yes, I use Netflix. I have the first 6 seasons on DVD along with 12 and 13, so for bloopers and deleted scenes I have to use the DVD's. For current episodes, I have YouTube TV, and use the screen capture option with that. Tumblr has a 3MB limit on file size, so it’s really hard. The amount of frames you can fit in a sub-3MB gif depend on so many factors. Colors in the scene, movement, FPS (frames per second), and length. A low FPS gif looks pretty choppy, while a high FPS gif is smooth as butter.

Q: So that's why some gifs seem to go on forever, and others are quick things.

C: Yes. I can make a really long gif of something that's really really tiny, but if you want it to fit into the pixels of a Tumblr post, it limits how long they can be.

Q: And I guess that's also why some gifs I find from Google and try to put into a post won't animate right. If they're too big, I guess Tumblr stops them?

C: Yes. Tumblr just freezes the image instead of animating it. When you save it, check the file size.

C: So this is an example of the brightness and colors of a gif affecting the size. Since there's so much brightness and color, the more the gif has to render, meaning the bigger the size. This worked out to be only 35 frames, which is like... really small, but the gif itself came out to be 2.83 MB.

Q: Are websites that come up when I Google "gif maker" worth my time and effort?

C: Only if you don't mind a stupid watermark from the company.

Q: About giving credit to gifmakers....any thoughts?

C: Well, all my gifs have "cc" in the bottom right corner, that's how I give myself credit if they're used. Not everyone knows the "cc" gifs are mine, but I do. I offer my gif making services to anyone if they need a specific gif made for a story or otherwise, not limited to SPN. I've made porn gifs, ones from YouTube, and from other shows. If it exists, I can gif it. Tumblr's search feature is... well, it's not perfect, but it'll help give you a quick gif and give credit to the author. When someone uses a gif I've posted, it gives me a notification, which is awesome, but annoying if it gets reposted a crap ton. It also links the person back to the original post and who posted it.

Q: Some folks seem to think that if they grab a gif from Google, just saying they found it on Google is giving credit. I know this isn't the case. (I mistakenly thought that pasting the link to the image would allow folks to click through to where I found it, but discovered last night that's not the case.) If I found a gif on Google that was yours and used it, and provided a link to the page where Google found it, would that be enough, do you think?

C: Sometimes a reverse image search can be helpful, but it mostly doesn't work with gifs. That would be fine for me. Like I said, I have "cc" in the corner so that's me marking the gif as one of mine. I can't control where someone reposts them or uses them. There's a difference between reposting it to a site like Pinterest or using my gif on a LiveJournal post and saving it and reuploading it like it's yours and without giving me credit. One is malicious, the other isn't. I have a problem with the latter.

Q: I started looking at where Google finds gifs last night, and noticed that sites like gfycat have whole pages of gifs, and just citing that page might not be enough. (And trying to find where Google found them many times leads to a Tumblr blog that’s now gone.)

C: Google finds gifs all over the place. Someone can take my gif from Tumblr and reupload it to a bunch of different websites, all which would show up in a Google search. It's hard to find the original poster when it happens. Yeah, people delete their pages, but the gif stays. If you get to that point, just say, “Gif found on Google, unable to find original post"

Q: Speaking of finding gifs, how does the search function work on Tumblr? Is it just whatever the post was tagged with or the first 5 tags like regular searches or something else entirely?

After some discussion, we all decided that the gif search uses whatever #hash-tags are on a post where a gif is used, and then makes that gif searchable by that #hash-tag. So, if you make a post about chronic pain and use a gif of the Winchesters hugging, that gif will then show up in the gif search under #chronic pain. Also, popularity of the gif ensures it shows up at the top of the search. As people stop using a gif, it eventually falls out of the search results.

Q: Going back to file sizes...Do the dimensions of the source video (like watching Netflix/YouTube in full screen vs in a smaller window) impact the size of the gif, specifically with GifCam?

C: Now, that's a HUGE reason why I switched the way I make gifs. Netflix has a set streaming rate, which is only optimized at full screen. So the smaller you make the window to get it to fit into the size of the gif, the more degraded the image is. (Some confusion was expressed, so she continued to explain it further.) Netflix likes to run as big as possible. It wants as many pixels it can get to show you an image. If you minimize the window, it kind of freaks out and has to quickly scramble to make everything smaller so the video keeps playing. It does that by squishing everything down, making the image look weird. It might not be too noticeable when you look at it, but when you make gifs, they're gonna come out lookin all wonky.

Q: So, you have to make the Netflix window smaller in order to capture the images with the gif-making software? The gif-making software can't capture full screen?

C: GifCam will record the gif based on the window size. You gotta squish the window down to make it a reasonable size to fit on Tumblr. Other programs, which you might have to pay for, might be able to capture full screen and do the squishing for you. (Side note: during this discussion, Chrissy gave us some examples, and in showing them to us, revealed that a good gif size for Tumblr is around 410-430 wide, 230-250 high.)

After that, we moved on to other topics that had been brought up in the Pond survey a while back. 

How to make a Keep Reading cut and when you should use it.

Note: Although this worked for one person on the app, it doesn’t seem to work for all, and we’re not sure why. There are too many variables to determine the root cause for why it doesn’t always work. 

Q: "When should I give someone credit for being a beta (for example: I bounced ideas with someone for a minute or two but they didn’t technically beta read it; I can’t decide between X and Y (with no context), pick one)"

A: Always mention anyone who helped you. You don’t have to say they beta-read your story, but at least mention that they helped, even if they didn’t know it! Gratitude is always a good thing!! Writing takes a village, and being thankful for help is courteous, kind, caring, and helps you to make friends that will be the same right back to you.

How do I add my masterlist for my blog description?

Note: Chrissy pointed out that if you change your bio by hitting “edit appearance” instead of “edit theme” the link will break, so be careful where you add this! These things and more can be found in the Pond FAQ list!!

Q: The facts on search issues (re: links, tags, and anything else that keeps a fic from being “searchable”)

A: A lot of testing and research went into trying to figure this out, and we still probably don’t have it all figured out, but we learned some interesting things!

Most importantly, since we have a lot of smut writers, if you use the #hash-tag #NSFW on your post, your post will NOT show up in any searches!!

Adding an external link should not cause your post to be unsearchable, but that’s not guaranteed. According to Tumblr’s own help pages, “some links may cause posts to be hidden from recent search results.” Since spambots use external links in their posts, this will always be something that could possibly interfere with your post being searchable.

According to Tumblr: “Blogs that have been either self-flagged or flagged by us as “explicit” per our old policy (before December 17, 2018), will not show up in search. Users under 18 are still not allowed to click through to see the content of these blogs. If you think your blog has been erroneously marked as explicit, you can file an appeal by following these instructions.”

When you are searching for your post, make sure you are looking at Most Recent posts, not Most Popular! 

Some things to know about searching:

There are two ways to search a blog. If you use the search box at the top, then your results will have a URL like this:  https://spnfanficpond.tumblr.com/search/big-fish-chat

However, that is not the only way you can search your blog. If you look at a post, and click on one of the tags on that post, your results will have a URL like this: https://spnfanficpond.tumblr.com/tagged/big-fish-chat

The first search will look through all of the text in a post to find the words you’re searching for. The second search will only look for posts with that specific tag. If a blog doesn’t have a search box in its theme, you can type these searches in manually, and they will still work.

You can also do these searches manually through all of Tumblr. Keep this in mind when you’re doing your general Tumblr search and check the URL of your results, because... “search��� & “tagged” look at #hash-tags differently!

(This is so confusing, we know.)

“Search” will look through 20 #hash-tags. “Tagged” will only look through 5 #hash-tags. So, put your most important #hash-tags in your first 5!!

Q: Can you talk about xkit?

A: xkit is awesome and we should all bow down to the xkit guy because he fixes things when Tumblr poops on the carpet. Seriously. It’s only for use on desktop, but it makes Tumblr so much easier to manage.

xkit is an extension for your browser. Look for New xkit, and download that. Once you have xkit loaded, click on the xkit icon near the top right of your screen. When the xkit window pops up, click on Get Extensions. We could suggest a list of the best extensions, but they’re all seriously awesome. Blacklist seems to be the most common, as it filters out posts you don’t want to see based on tags and text. Auto Tagger, Activity+, Outbox, One-Click Postage, and Quick Tags are all ridiculously useful for everyday blogging. The whole thing is super easy to learn and use, and you can’t break anything while you’re learning. Some extensions, like Blacklist, may slow your computer down when you’re surfing your dash because they essentially surf it ahead of you and manipulate it. If you start seeing problems, you can disable any extensions you decide you don’t want to use, anymore.

Seriously, it’s freaking awesome.

Great talk, guys! If you have ideas for topics, please let us know!!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: 

We’re working on setting up the discord server. We’re still learning the ins and outs and all the options available. More options means more discussion among the admins and decisions to be made, so please be patient! We’re getting there!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Challenge - Now that the season is over, we will be reposting each prompt list through the summer months! Remember, there’s no deadline for submissions!

Say hi to June’s New Members!

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the chat room and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We don’t have a topic or speaker set up for August’s event, yet, so if there’s something you want to talk about, or someone you want to talk to, LET US KNOW!

[thawedpatriot]

okay, my e.ndgame thoughts are below the cut. beware, they’re somewhat incoherent at times mainly just because my brain is still trying to wrap my head around some stuff. also it’s really really long. like 3k words long. major spoilers ahead!

-okay so the whole beginning felt. really rushed, if that makes sense? like, i’m glad that tony got back to earth fairly early on but that was very sudden, having carol show up and carry the ship to the compound. however, i can’t complain too much because watching steve book it to tony’s side as he was coming off the ship gave me life. the fact that he just hovered the whole time and was there to support him and show he cares just. pleased me.

- tony had every right to blow up at steve. i mean, god, the man’s been through so much. he’s lost so much and is still recovering from everything that happened. he’s frustrated and angry and hurting and steve pressed for information too callously too soon, and it set an exhausted tony off. totally valid. and tony was right, he saw all this coming and no one listened to him, even though half of that was just bc aou was a fucking mess writing wise. but steve told him ‘together’ and because they weren’t together when shit went down, they all lost. would it have killed either of them to call during the two years they had to do so? no, probably not. that probably would’ve been a step towards working back to that ‘together’ thing. because there’s years of unresolved tension and conflict between them at this point, none of it ever got resolved between them, so it’s finally coming to a head now that they’re properly in the same room again.

- that said, the ‘you weren’t there when i needed you’ bit rubbed me the wrong way. because it was bruce who ended up calling. tony never made a call, never asked for steve’s help. never let him know he needed him, even though he had that ability to. so yes, steve is at fault here too, but it’s not 100% on him that things went down the way they did, if that makes sense.

- tony shoving the arc reactor into steve’s hand???? killed me on the spot, thanks.

- the devastation steve must be feeling when they figure out the stones are gone??? gutting. he was so sure they would be able to bring everyone back wit the stones once they’d taken care of thanos. he was so ready for a fight, so ready to get his revenge and make things right, and there just. was no fight, no way to bring his friends back. he’d lost bucky all over again, and now he’s lost sam, too. sam, who he dragged into all this. that kind of guilt festers in him for those five years, no doubt.

- i wanna know what steve did for those five years. because, yes, we see him talking in that small therapy group, but not only is he giving advice he’s not taking himself, but he’s just not shown doing much of anything else. he’s holding on to all his trauma and grief and not dealing with it, just like he’s been doing since he left the ice. so what is he doing all that time??? but also seeing him in a therapy group setting made my heart swell a little bit because you know he did that for sam. he misses his friend and is doing that for him, i will not believe anything otherwise. sam was and is so important to him.

- this is unrelated to steve but is important to me as a bi: carol’s hair looked so good i made a noise when i saw it and my friend hit me in the arm 

- god i wish we saw more of steve and nat interact. because clearly they’ve been in contact with one another for the past 5 years and that’s probably the longest running friendship he’s had going besides bucky so. it’s nice to know he didn’t lose everyone in one way or another for those 5 years. they just know each other so well and recognize the similarities between one another and i’m just really glad he wasn’t all alone all that time.

- steve is so done with everyone throughout this movie, including himself. it’s beautiful.

- sidenote, i could not take bruce seriously as a character the way he was and i don’t know why. also they did thor dirty. they did thor so dirty. he was a joke until they needed him to fight. the level of guilt and trauma thor is dealing with is immeasurable and they turned it into comic relief by leaning into fat-shaming and joking about alcoholism???? nah man, that’s not okay. not at all. address that he’s dealing with ptsd, show that he’s using unhealthy coping mechanisms, and help him. don’t make fun of him, don’t just let him keep doing that to himself, help him. the only scene in the whole movie i genuinely liked with him in it was his scene with frigga. because she took him seriously, she was willing to listen and offer advice and tell him what he needed to hear. that scene was so important.

- another sidenote, as much as i disliked p.epperony in the past, this movie made me appreciate them more. because i’ve always loved them both as individual characters, pepper potts owns my whole soul, but as a couple they were just written in a way that made me not love it as the movies went on. however, this movie really showed growth in their development as a couple, in pepper accepting tony for who he is and the needs he has to do good. also tony is an amazing father and it’s just so validating to see a character who grew up with an abusive parent break the cycle and become soft and kind in any interactions he has with his daughter. you can tell how much he loves his family, and it’s what he deserved.

- okay so i hope we can all agree the time travel science in this movie was fucked and they did a really bad job at explaining how it works. it was not clear, did not make sense, and following standard time travel laws there were a million paradoxes happening and it makes me angry. nebula killing her past self? bullshit bc she should not exist after that. steve’s whole ending??? also bullshit but i’ll get to that later because that’s an essay in itself.

- tony giving steve the shield back was such a big deal okay. the fact that tony has acknowledged that holding onto the resentment was detrimental to his own health and being was so important. we got a handshake and i really thought they were gonna go for a hug but noooo that’d be too much to ask for i guess. but steve hasn’t seen or held that thing in like 7 years it has to be nice to have it in his hands again, seeing as he always refers to it as an extension of his arm and all. and to be getting it back, nice and polished, from tony probably means a great deal to him as well.

- okay now let’s get to the actual time travel bit. steve and tony being the ones to zap back to 2012???? my god its like everything i ever wanted was handed to me on a platter. that movie was what got me on this marvel train and as even with its issues, it holds such a dear place in my heart. so you know the second that ‘2012′ popped onto the screen i was ready to combust. and then it just got better because it felt like an extension of the movie, like we were seeing deleted scenes, which was just. really nice?? 

- god okay “america’s ass” gave me so much life as dumb as the whole joke was. because tony blatantly checking out steve’s ass?? my dude thats the gayest thing i’ve ever seen with my own two eyes. but then tony commenting on how his ass looks in the suit???? i was living, okay. living. and the fact that he checked out his past self’s ass and was like ‘yeah, damn straight’ amused me greatly.

- ngl the ‘hail hydra’ bit made me uncomfy initially, but honestly i’m just gonna appreciate how clever my boy is and how stupid hydra is. his ‘i’m clever and i know it and i just outsmarted piece of shit nazis’ smile as he walked away from the elevator with the case???? priceless. i was half expecting another elevator fight but i guess that wouldn’t really make sense sfdghj

- steve fighting himself? past steve reacting to the compass appearing and getting super fucking pissed over the concept that someone might’ve taken it or something??? the fact that it was ‘bucky is alive’ that had him going full stop???? oof. also, the ‘i can do this all day’ and ‘yeah, i know’ was funny initially but oh my god is my boy exhausted. he’s so tired. he’s been fighting for decades. someone let him rest. please. 

- also unrelated, i wanna know where the fuck loki fucked off to when he grabbed the tessaract. like is this where the concept for his spinoff show comes from???? what did he do????

- steve and tony being on the same wavelength and trusting each other??? steve trusting tony wholeheartedly even if he didn’t fully know what it was tony was planning?? important. so, so important.

- steve in camp lehigh. oh my god. why did no one recognize captain america???? it’s been twenty years, sure, but y’all slapped ‘birthplace of captain america’ on your sign and there’s probably pictures of his face around in more places than peggy’s desk. you’re telling me no one would recognize him standing in the middle of the military camp??? nah, i don’t buy it. y’all had poor disguises and didn’t even get him sunglasses or anything. c’mon guys, you’re better than this.

- okay look this isn’t a tony blog but what the fuck was that scene with howard,, i understand it in terms of why they included it when looking at the narrative. because of tony’s whole ‘resentment is corrosive, didn’t like it’ thing and the need for closure on that front before his story ends, but he didn’t owe howard jack shit, let alone a ‘thank you’. that man, even if he had the best intentions and wanted tony to succeed in the future because he knew he had potential, was neglectful and abusive. he was not affectionate, he did not make tony feel as though he were loved, and it deeply affected tony as a person. the fact that he doesn’t know how far along his own wife is with their firstborn child??? big red flag right there, friends. sure, it’s good to show kids with bad relationships with their parents that its possible to work through negative emotions and resentment and move on with their lives but this was not the example to give. tony did not owe his father anything at that point. he’d moved on, made himself better, became a better father than howard was to him. i’m just. so angry about it okay.

- steve looking through the glass of peggy’s office at her, believing this was the last time he was going to see her again??? broke my heart but i called it as soon as i knew time travel was involved in this movie. i knew they’d throw a ‘steve sees her while traveling and is really sad about it’ bit in there somewhere. and i would have been content if that was it, if that was all he got. if that was the closure he got, one last glimpse of her. the fact that twenty years later she still has the picture of him, before he was captain america, on her desk??? erases any of the development and growth we know she went through in her series and whatnot, but it’s a good reminder that peggy carter was one of the few people that saw steve for who he was. she saw the skinny kid from brooklyn and knew he had what it took to be a hero, she saw him for the good man he was. she loved him for who he was. that means a great deal to steve, who no doubt struggles with the line between steve and cap a lot. but by this point, peggy would have moved on. in the series, she had moved on. erasing all of that development is detrimental to her character and i refuse it.

- seeing jarvis again was a treat. i squeaked.

- what the fuck was that with natasha??? what kind of man-pain fuel was that??? and why didn’t she get the proper funeral/mourning she deserved??? she’s been around since im2, she was the one who united the avengers, she was the first female avenger (bc they swept janet van dyne under the rug but thats a whole other rant), and that’s the end of her arc??? as soon as i saw where her and hawkeye were headed i just knew. i knew what was gonna happen and i was hissing internally. because i knew there was no way she’d be like ‘yeah you’re my best friend, you have a family, you go ahead and jump’ and on behalf of all the mcu writers i wanna apologize to all c.lint.asha shippers for the mess the mcu gave y’all. i’m so sorry j*ss fucked it up for y’all bc he wanted something for two characters no one else wanted. she deserved to be mourned. she didn’t deserve to be forgotten for like the rest of the film after that initial ‘she’s gone’. she deserved a funeral, too. steve just lost one of his closest friends???? on top of everything else he’s lost, let him express that. please.

- so back on my s.tony shit, the ‘that’s my man’ when tony nudged steve awake to hand him back his shield after the compound blew up??? not heterosexual at all. y’all aren’t even trying to hide it anymore u bastards

- STEVE ROGERS USING THE HAMMER. Y’ALL. Y’ALL. MY BOY IS WORTHY AND I KNEW IT AND THIS MEANS HE SPARED THOR IN AOU BC HE’S A COMPASSIONATE LOSER WHO DIDN’T WANT TO HURT HIS FRIEND’S PRIDE AND FEELINGS. BUT GOD THAT WAS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING I’VE SEEN ON SCREEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. HIM USING BOTH HIS SHIELD AND THE HAMMER AT THE SAME TIME, MAKING COMBO STRIKE OUT OF IT??? USING THE LIGHTING???? MAN I CAN TELL YOU WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT I HAVE NOT SCREAMED SO LOUD IN A MOVIE THEATER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

- all the ladies fighting together?? shielding peter???? kicking ass together??? gave me life. that was the most beautiful scene in the entire mcu,,, it made my bi heart burst,, all it was missing was nat, but it was a nice way to be like ‘this is what she started’. and seeing pepper out there as rescue was just the cherry on top okay i love her sm she’s so cool and finally fighting out there alongside tony and rhodey. my wife carol danvers is also the coolest??? not even flinching when thanos does whatever head-butt thing he was going for??? god i love my wives.

- ‘on your left’ god damn yes let sam wilson be the one to announce that they’re all back my boy deserves it. i wanted a proper reunion between steve and sam and/or bucky. we didn’t get that. we didn’t get that!!!!!! we didn’t get anything like that!!!!! steve was primarily on his own for 5 years because he lost his two best friends and we don’t get a reunion scene??? i call bullshit, marvel

- also rocket trying to shield groot with his own little body during the aerial attack??? broke my little heart??? like he just got him back and is terrified that he’ll lose him again,,,

- no one talk to me about tony stark i can’t handle it, he deserved to be happy and live a long life with his family. he deserved that happy ending, but i’m so grateful that pepper just. understood what he needed. she knew what he needed to hear and was there for him and could just ‘we’ll be okay, you can rest’. and give him that peace of mind. he did it, he saved the universe, he brought everyone back, he can rest. but god he really deserved to be able to rest with his family, happy and alive, okay.

- steve’s small exchange with bucky was like a nice reference to the first cap movie, but that was all we got. steve has spent multiple movies trying to get bucky back and help him, and we don’t even get a reunion scene and then just this one little bit of back and forth. a soft ‘i’ll miss you’, even though its technically only supposed to be seconds for them?? like,,, does that means bucky knows??? like, he has a feeling he knows what steve’s gonna do??? idk man, idk. all i do know is that they deserved better in this movie. i’m also summing up bucky’s telling sam to go talk to steve as bucky’s ‘i don’t know if i can handle that’ admission tbh.

- god bless sam wilson. between being the one to be like ‘bring him back. where is he? get him back.’ the second something seemed to go wrong with the time travel was,,, really nice. like, thank you for caring about my boy. thank you for always having his back. i love you so much sam wilson. and anyone who thinks sam shouldn’t be the one to get the shield can meet me in a back alley okay, this man has earned it, he’s the right pick for the cap mantle. the cap theme playing when he was given the shield? Iconic. did i cry whenever the cap theme played during this movie?? Absolutely.

- time travel in this movie is a fucking joke but i wanna know if steve had to see the red skull when he returned the soul stone because can you imagine??? that interaction??? like, did anyone warn him??? did anyone tell him the red skull was there or was it only implied when clint said something about a red man or whatever after coming back and being upset about natasha???? but also where did steve travel back to in order to start his new life??? were there just two caps in the universe??? one in the ice and one living his life w/ peggy???? none of it makes sense. none of it. where does the shield go/come from???? guys??? guys.

-okay now we address the end of steve’s arc. i’m gonna start by saying i see both sides of the discourse it’s stirred up. i understand the intention behind it, not wanting steve’s story to just be one big tragedy. because that’s where it was headed. if they killed him, he would have been fighting for decades on end without rest, without knowing peace, and that would’ve been it. that’s not the end people want to see for their heroes. he deserves to be able to put down the shield and rest. he deserves that ending for himself after fighting his whole life. However, the way they did it not only flattened his entire arc, but it flattened peggy’s entire character as well. she built a life in his absence, she moved on, and he knows this. he knew this, and i refuse to believe that steve would selfishly go back and disrupt that, take that away from her for the sake of his own personal happiness. that’s not steve rogers, a good and compassionate man. because think about the life he’d have to lead, knowing all he does. because if he isn’t supposed to disrupt the timeline, he has to let everything with hydra happen and infiltrate shield, something he knows peggy’s dedicated to, he has to let everything with bucky happen and be okay with not stepping in and rescuing his best friend from that horrific life/killing tony’s parents, he has to watch both tony and sharon grow up knowing everything about their lives??? (not to mention how fucking weird everything with sharon would be  considering the mcu just forgot about her after they made out in the parking lot???? sharon deserved better.) 

- this wasn’t an end of an arc, it was the flattening of an arc. he didn’t actually deal with anything that he’d been through. tws was all about how he needed to move on, peggy herself told him that the world was changing and he had to move with it instead of lingering in the past and what he lost. he was supposed to be building himself a new life, addressing what he lost and the trauma he’s been through and work through it all to push onward. that’s development. he got away with not working on himself or anything he went through, the group therapy was never actually beneficial because he didn’t take any of his advice, he clung to his emotions and grief and wasn’t able to move on and says as much. giving him this easy way out just feels lazy in my opinion. like they didn’t know what to do with him, wanted him to end up happy, and this was the only way they saw that happening because he wasn’t properly developed over the course of the mcu. i’m happy my boy ended up happy, don’t get me wrong, i was very close to sobbing over him finally getting that dance, but it was highly unsatisfactory in terms of a story and character arc.

[the-name-isnt-important]

Social Movements

So this is where I think I lose some of you who have been so gracious about my posts. I've been pretty safe up until this point (only three posts in, not that many), but this is where I feel there will be some conflict.

I started writing this six days ago at five in the morning. Since I started this blog, I knew this was a topic I wanted to talk about. Apparently, the built-up of excitement got me to wake up and not calm down until I wrote.

This is my second draft, by the way. The first one was, as I said, written at 5 in the morning, so there were spelling errors galore and grammatical whatthefucks everywhere. So let's try this again!

I'm happy to be in a time where we are seeing more people step up against inequality. It never quite made sense to me, even as a kid, to think I was better than someone else in society just because of how I was born. I'm happy to tell anyone that black lives do matter, so much so that I hope it's a cliché one day to say that because "well duh, everyone matters". And the same goes for gender equality. While there are differences, we are all human, and me owning another person as property or thinking I have to be domineering to women to have respect. I'll stay confident-neutral: respect and love to all, with the hope I get the same in return, while still loving who I am.

I suppose you can sense the shift is coming, huh?

Kind of.

There is no counter to what I said before. There is no condition to loving and respecting everyone I see (only that they treat me in a similar way; the golden rule). What I have a counter to is what we see more of: social movements.

Social movements do not have the impact they should. Right out of the gate, movements like BLM or Gay Rights or #MeToo do phenomenally. It seems like a train is moving that people are happy to jump onto, from politicians to celebrities to Joe down the street, it feels good to be part of something that is new-ish and gaining momentum. And the motives are so pure. Equal rights! Right to marry whoever! No pink tax! Only a monster would consciously notice that and actively work against it. Those people should be brought down. But onto the matter at hand...

There are two problems I see with these movements that cause it to lose all credibility: hate and greed. Both are subtle, but noticeable if you're looking.

Hate occurs when there's a lull in a movement. It's no longer about the purity of this right. It's about finding an enemy and giving them a taste of their own medicine. An eye for an eye! Sounds fair, right? What happens, however, is the hate that faced the prejudiced group is only redirected, never eliminated. The hate that a white police officer shows to a black man unjustly needs to be sent back to the police officer, people will say. He needs to get what he deserves!

No he doesn't. There could be many reasons why he's like that: poor parenting, wrong city culture, unconsciously following the leaders like many of us do! Like I said, the monsters are the ones who know right and wrong and choose wrong anyway. How many of these people truly are consciously committing evil when they could be acting unknowingly? You do NOT create a culture of love and respect by directing love the other way. You do it by forgiveness. By showing you're better than the ones who cause harm. Calling out Jimmy Fallon for using blackface in the late 90's will not bring justice to our system.

Greed is the other problem. Let me say this: I support black lives matter, but I do not support BLM. Does that make sense?

Over the past few months, companies like Nike, Netflix, Reddit, Audible, and hundreds of others are sending out support for their black employees. Some are even featuring black content on their homepages. Great. But what was the motive for doing that? Let's say you're a multi-billion dollar company and you see a movement for hamster rights (weird example, but bear with me). As a PR head of the company, you may think "What the fuck? This is stupid! The world was fine before!" However, every other major billion dollar empire is featuring books on hamsters and movies like G-Force on their front page. Well shit, as the head of PR, you better get on it, because the world will see that you did not support hamsters and will vilify you! Send out that email that you support all your hamster workers and put up an orange and white flag on your social media. Otherwise, you won't survive as a company.

That's just on a business level. How many of you posted the black screen on your Instagram? I did, and it felt good to be part of something that, by the time I posted, 12 million people already tagged. But people still took advantage of the post that was only supposed to say #blackouttuesday. Next to it, they put a post telling people "you should really increase your awareness like I did" or even, instead of a black screen, posting a picture of themselves modeling. Because they were so overwhelmed with love and support, they couldn't help but look at the camera in a sexy way! What a hard life.

You want true, honest activism? Look up Zianna Oliphant's speech to the Charlotte City Council. A nine year old girl in tears speaking about how it shouldn't be this way. Nine years old. My word was weeping as I watched that. Or maybe Tarana Burke coining the phrase "MeToo" back in 2006 empowering women through empathy. Trailblazer in her own right. But don't expect my ass to just sit here while I listen to all the bandwagoners jump onto some movement that's catching heat when in reality you don't know what you believe and you're really just acting like everyone else because you don't know how to think for yourself. And also (rant continued) it is not brave to sit behind your screen and harass those who do not believe the same things you do. You are not a hero. Step up to the plate and express the love that's real, not the faux affection you put up because you want to be noticed or liked. This is my passion: people thinking for themselves and defending what they know is important, not because anyone told them to believe it, but because they decided it for themselves. I will die by free thinking. Would you die for your values?

Selfishly, I have noticed another trend that will start to become more real. This is something I've known for the last 10 years. And it is: some day, someone like me (straight, white, man, middle-class family, tall, blonde hair, Christian parents) will be seen as the enemy. In every one of those areas I have been called ignorant. Soon, someone will just have to look at me (if some don't already) and get filled with nothing but hate. I don't want that. But I also don't want that for anyone else. That's why I express my concerns like this.

I would love to have a conversation on this topic. Whether you disagree or love it, let's have a civil conversation. I am open for the opportunity to be wrong on anything I have said, but just know I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I have said, and I won't be swayed easily.

The heart is crucial in times like this. Love, joy, compassion, peace, forgiveness, it's all needed. I want to see the world grow. I want love, not hate. Generosity, not greed. People, not profit.